#(ME RELATED THO)

[giantkillerjack]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[sysig]

Permission to headbutt: Granted (Patreon)

#My art #UT #Sans #Papyrus #Ft. something smol and I do on a regular basis ♪ #This could be Handplates or it could be classic Undertale I leave that up to you lol #I definitely picked up a lot of the style quirks lol - but there are some of the ones that I like myself! Like Papyrus' darkmode clothes lol #And Sans' shorts having the stripe in the front haha - little details ♫ #Realistically it probably is Handplates tho just based on where my head's at lol - I love the Handplates dynamic :D #Handplates #I talked myself into it! Pfft ♪ #I found myself relating a lot to Sans especially while rereading - I want nothing more in the world than for my siblings to be happy! <3 #So I gathered up a bunch of ideas of things especially me and smol do together and this was the most obviously cute one haha #Easiest to do! Tho I did still go a little extra on this lol #I'm trying to do more digital stuff ♪ It wasn't the best art day and I'm still a little nervous to jump right in :') #Not doing any sketches on paper beforehand feels weird but I guess it is thematic in a way lol #And I'm still pleased with how they turned out hehe #It really does feel nice to be drawing them again <3 #And doing silly sibling things! Hehe #I dunno how clear it is since it's so ingrained into how smol and I talk to each other lol family language! #One of us will literally just announce ''bonk'' and the other will prepare for/lean in for a headbutt haha #She is a tiny bit taller than me - it's not quite /this/ extreme but she does lean down for me! S'cute <3 #I like to think Papyrus would do the same hehe ♪ Let your lazy brother headbutt you! He can only reach so far! #On minimal effort anyhow hehe #It's just a fun way to be silly together ♫♪ #Also yes I did show this to her and she cosigned lol - ''Cute'' -smol

[cryptcatz]

question: do ppl ACTUALLY say things they don’t mean when they’re angry? or is that just an excuse after letting something true slip? i wouldn’t ever say something i don’t mean in anger, so the concept confuses me.

but something was said to me that is bothering me, though apparently was said in an argument and wasn’t meant. but i don’t rlly believe it wasn’t like, deep down true thoughts/feelings??? anyone have any insight? anyone say things they don’t mean in anger?

EDIT: this was a hastily worded post that i didn’t expect to get notes. this is a genuine question asked in good faith that i got a lot of amazing answers to!

also re: the many ppl saying “OP is lying about not saying things they don’t mean in anger because everyone does it”— i genuinely have never done that. if i say something mean while angry, i meant it. that’s literally why i asked this question and why the concept confuses me, because i wouldn’t do something like that so i wanted perspective from people who do it. idk why y’all can’t believe that lmao not everyone is as prone to anger and outbursts

#i know im asking The Autism Website but lol will tag autism stuff cuz i think my confusion is related. idk #autism #autistic #actuallyautistic #autistic community #autistic problems #autistic life #autism problems #neurodivergence #neurodiversesquad #personal #btw i do wanna note that this post is abt an abusive person tho #not everyone who does this is abusive! but in my specific case yes #just a warning cuz some stuff being said to me can be a lil uncomfy when saying i should forgive them #i HAVE. MANY times. too many #the anger post #< if you wanna hear more of my thoughts on this #and others thoughts

[geminitayyt]

Hey, I heard from someone that you don't like being depicted as a deer. Is that true, or do they just have misinformation?

Sorry for asking if it makes you uncomfortable. I just wanna know cause I have, like, no context😅

I think people get that from misunderstanding a tweet I put out a while ago. I dont hate being portrayed as a deer. Although, it wasnt something i expected. Pre-hermitcraft gem was almost never drawn as a deer, the antlers were meant to be part of a decorative flower crown, not actually growing out of my skull. So it isn't a depiction that I intended or imagined for myself. When I picture my character she's more of a silly nature elf woman. Because of that, I do sometimes wish I could separate from the deer a bit. I tweeted a while ago that I didn't want to *always* be a deer. So for the skins I have that don't have antlers, I usually prefer those to be humans or some other more fitting animal. Wizard Gem from Empires is a good example, I really didnt picture her as being a deer, it didnt fit with the character for me. But season 8 hermit gem can totally be a deer. That doesnt mean if you portrayed wizard Gem as a deer I was uncomfy, it just didnt align with how I imagined the character, which is fine. For season 10 of hermitcraft I plan to ask the audience not to make me a deer. I've had season 8 & 9 gem both be deer now, and I just prefer for my character to be able to change outfits and forms. I think always being portrayed as a deer is putting me in a cottagecore sized box that I never really asked to be trapped in. Season 10 gem won't make sense as a deer anyway, just cause of the theme i'm going with, but to help the fan artists I am commissioning an artist to portray my character close to how I imagine her, with a few animals I think could work in place of the deer.

also if you just haveeee to draw S10 gem as a deer, I still wont be mad, its not that serious I appreciate all the art.

#geminitay #ultimately you can draw me as a deer as much as your heart desires #but when i get art of myself done it usually wont be deer related #the deer art is adorable tho dont be discouraged #my battle with figuring out who i am and what my characters are is my own problem #will gem beat the cottagecore allegations #stay tuned

[zendayacs]

People getting offended whenever they see Black Annabeth with book Percy in fanart makes me giggle. Bro, people have been drawing Annabeth as black for years. Its not just bc of the show.

#pjo #percabeth #percy jackson #percy jackon and the olympians #percy series #its so funny to me #like sorry bro but I’ve imagined Annabeth as black since I was 8 #it is also a smaller part in the conversation of why people all of a sudden can’t relate to her bc her race changed #everyone can relate to percy just fine tho….i wonder why #jhene.txt

[ew-selfish-art]

Dp x Dc AU: Dani has a too many break-ups for Danny’s heart to handle as an older brother- So he gives her a criteria that her next boyfriend needs to fit for Danny to approve of their relationship. 

Dani was really excited about her new boyfriend. He was witty, and charming, knew how to sword fight and was absolutely stunning. He loved his family, was passionate about animals and social justice causes, and he was an artist! She had a thing for green eyes, and hey, he was actually super chill about them having flexible schedules to see each other (she had vigilante shit to do that she couldn’t explain)! It’s been going on for a few months and she’s honestly ready for him to meet Danny & Jazz but... 

The last time she was home it was for a broken heart and Danny was beside himself with worry over her. He made the guys recently deceased ancestors come forward to speak on his behalf and it was Mortifying- Danny was ready to throw down. And Dani had to admit, it was super sweet that her big brother cared so much. He’d happily given a shovel talk to each of her partners when she brought them home and he’d happily tried to bond with them and integrate into their lives. Danny always allowed her to make mistakes but respected her choices to only ever ask two questions when a new partner came into the picture: Do they make you happy? Do they treat you well? 

This last time he made a simple request, just could they please fit this one criteria? 

The thought comes to her unfortunately when she’s making out with her perfect match, her soul mate, this beautifully stabby man Damian Wayne, that she should bring up the deal breaker. Her brother gave her literally one request for her next partner, and by the ancients she didn’t want to disappoint Danny. 

Pulling away from her boyfriends kiss for just a moment, Dani quickly asks “Sorry, Sorry, it’s just...Have you ever died before?” 

Damian’s look of confusion and then concern grew on his normally collected face, which told her more than enough. 

“Okay great!” And she leaned back in, only to realize that he’s pulled back. 

“Would... Would you care to explain why you just asked me that?” Damian was doing his best to not jump to conclusions.

“Sorry, I just got in my head a bit about how you’re like, the light of my life and I want you to meet my family and then my brain wandered, before you did that thing with your teeth, to the fact that my brother kind of requested... um, well, he just asked that my next partner be, uh, don’t freak out if this sounds weird, but uh, be dead.” 

“He...He wants your partner to be dead.” 

“Well, Dead adjacent is perfectly normal in my family! It’s not like a whole thing! You’ve died before, so he’ll absolutely love you! And he’ll love you even more because you love me!” She smiles as brilliantly as the stars.

Damian isn’t sure for a second, but eventually asks: “Your family is ‘dead adjacent’ and you want me to meet them?” to which she happily confirms. 

“Do you... Wish to know how I-” Damian begins but she cuts him off “No! Never, I would never ask that of you. He won’t ask either! He actually has a better vision for these things so it probably won’t even come up! How does next Tuesday work?” 

“That should be fine, however, well...On the subject of family expectations ... Is it even possible that you might be a vigilante?” Damian’s worries melt away when his girlfriend smiles and lunges forward to kiss him. 

Families could have such weird expectations, you know? 

#Dcxdp #dpxdc #dp x dc #dc x dp #danny phantom #dani phantom #damian wayne #serious chaos #lmao dannys actual words were 'could you please just date someone i can relate to for once?' #dani interpreted that as meaning dead/undead #she's honestly not wrong for thinking that tho cause he's only ever tried to set her up on blind dates with other ghosts #Danny is a good big brother to her and i believe this to my dying breath #damian is so sure that shes a vigilante but has never dared to cross that line and ask #damian is like 'she can knock me on my ass she is clearly the perfect woman'

[peak-dumbass]

So I finally watched Dragons Rising part 2….

THEY CANT KEEP GETTING AWAY WITH THIS (MAKING COLE SOMEHOW GAYER)

I CANT MAKE EVERY SHIP I LIKE INTO A POLYCULE THAT JUST WON’T WORK 0(-(

#banger season tho like it was genuinely so good wtf #ninjago #it’s been so long since I’ve posted anything ninjago related……it’s been like 2-ish years since I ghosted the fandom hard sorry guys :’] #ninjago dragons rising #ninjago sora #ninjago lloyd #ninjago arin #ninjago kai #ninjago wyldfyre #ninjago jay #ninjago cole #glaciershipping #lavashipping #I don’t think I ever learned Cole x Nya’s ship name…I’m only a recent supporter (season 3 scarred me ok) #bruiseshipping #lostshipping

[heretherebeturtles-comic]

I just found your comic today and holy crap Nickelodeon should be hiring you

Also quick question, do you have tips for lineart? I know the general rules of thicker lines for borders and stuff you want people to focus on, but I can never get it to look organic. Your lines are literally the kind I’m shooting for lol

Anyway keep cooking 🫡

I always suffer my way through lineart lol. It is my least favourite part of the creative process, but I'll try my best to show how I do it o7.

For this comic in particular, I have been trying to keep the lineart a thin and consistent (ish) weight. The lines are thicker and darker where the shadows lie or wherever the character's weight falls.

When mimicking the Rise cartoon I follow the animation style of having solid closed lines. My personal line style has more gaps between lines. I enjoy how both look tbh

The thicker borders start to happen once depth comes into play. Objects closer to the "camera" have thicker borders and more details within that border. Objects further away get thinner lines with fewer details.

I don't have it down to a perfect science and it's bound to change the more I do comics, but I hope this was helpful!

#art related asks #asks #you got me on a good art day #sketched these up just for this ask. it was a fun warmup #ignore the anatomy tho. i was more focused on line than where muscles in the arm are supposed to be

[factual-fantasy]

I was thinking about my cookie run characters recently and I realized that I've mostly just drawn Seafoam, Blue, Coco and Octo. None of the other characters really have any story or personality yet.. So I thought hey! Why not pick out one of the cookies and focus a lot of time on developing them? So I chose Cuttlefish cookie to start with.

She's sassy, crafty, and has a love for all things shiny and expensive. Working on her backstory is easier said than done.. I plan to keep the concept of her being a skilled assassin pirate from another crew.. and through some kind of events, she wound up stuck with Seafoam's crew for a time. By the time she was able to leave.. she didn't want to. She really liked the people on this ship. So she just stuck around. Its very vague atm but I plan to keep working on her--

These drawings took me a very long time to make. Mostly due to the health problems I've been having.. but I really like this idea and overall it was very fun. I'm tempted to pick out another cookie and make a post for them too. Thinking Spidercrab or Ellie... oo maybe Louis..? 👀👀

#cookie run #cookie run kingdom #cookie run ocs #my ocs #this took sooooo many daysssss #worth it tho XD #I also got all the cuttlefish related powers from Octonauts #Octonauts I'm trusting your info to be accurate #don't make me look like a fool for not doing any research beyond your episode-

[fuumiku]

ACNH AU but it’s just Chil as Tom Nook giving out lax loans to people in need with his half-foot guild, and his close friend Isabelle Marcille helping out and hanging around. Been playing ACNH and came to the realization that Tom Nook & Isabelle give Chil & Marcille energy, and immediately had to draw it…

Man wanted to retire early but still hasn’t stopped. What I want for post-canon Chilchuck is just for him to have Tom Nook energy fr fr

#Dungeon meshi #acnh au #chilchuck tims #marcille donato #meijack #Flertom #Puckpatti #Chilchuck’s family #Marchil #To me they’re the Everything Everywhere All at Once thing where doing taxes together is the most romantic thing #At first I wasn’t gonna put Marcille in a pencil skirt but. She’s rocking it #Also was gonna give Mei tims shoes but forgot. She still got her knee-high shoes swag tho #The thing is Marcille DOES have dog energy it’s just that unlike Laios she’s like… A pomeranian or smth #Chil got divorced bc there were never non work-related vacations. Get that island cash my guy #I had fun putting details on the board #Saw a localization of Laios as Laois the other day and I have taken psychic damage #Listen I’m sure canon Chil has a very neat handwriting. Sorry for the character assassination #But also??? Illiterate rates have gotta be high for the Dungeon Meshi world right. I ponder it a lot #I am sorry that I accidentally made Chil look like Christopher Robin in that last one… I apologize

[cringesnail]

Idk if people know how often Etoiles talks about other creators so. Here's Etoiles complimenting Bagi for a whole minute (Ft Guill, red subtitles)

#qpurgatory 2 #etoiles #guill #snailvid #bagi #qsmp #putting it in the main tag because i assume people like to hear cc gush about other ccs and if you really want to avoid anything related #to purgatory im assuming you've blocked the tag #if it's annoying just tell me tho i'll remove it

[carlarte]

Oh, Hazel, look! The field! It’s covered with blood!’

Fiver is my favorite character in Watership Down, he's just like me fr. I was afraid this wouldn't read especifically as Fiver, but alas... i liked my initial sketch a lot so i kept it as it was.

#my art #digital art #artists on tumblr #watership down #so just to make this absolutely clear.. this is fiver XD not an attempt of a book cover #even tho it looks so much like many watership down covers tbh #i didnt even realize until i was actually googling images for reference that i found a lot of wd covers have a rabbits profile and the fiel #what a bummer #but i still like this a lot #everyone and their moms thought about the same thing i guess #me included #anyway FIVER MY BOY #I LOVE HIM HES JUST LIKE ME #IDK WHY EXACTLY BUT I RELATE TO HIM SO MUCH #its like 'yeah i also have visions of chaos and death and despair its called having anxiety and depression' #ok no forget that

[ghostyclay]

Gem (or anyone else) putting up their graffiti on the cyberpunk wall. -Chandelier

[Day 20]: Geminitay (click for better quality)

Decided to combine an art rq & the promot for today, hope you like it! More art rqs coming soon, i alr finished the lineart for 2 others and I'm gona be posting the colored versions soon!

(non animated version below)

Stupid procreate keeps messing up the colors when i export animations >:( i managed to fix most of it, but it still looks a bit off-

#Art requests are open ✨✨✨ #Anything lifeseries/hermitcraft/empires smp related! #Might take me a few weeks to finish them tho #hermitaday #hermitcraft #hermitblr #art #hermitcraft fanart #clart #geminitay #geminitay fanart #geminitay hermitcraft #fanart #digital art #gem fanart

[strangerthanyou011]

will and mike when they first met: i’m not the only one who’s lonely

will and mike in season 1: i’m not the only freak

will and mike in season 2: i’m not the only one who feels crazy

will and mike in season 3: i’m not the only one struggling to survive puberty and figure out who i am if i’m not a kid anymore

will and mike in season 4: i’m not the only one who’s afraid to be honest with people about my feelings

will and mike in season 5: i’m not the only one who’s gay and in love with my best friend???!?

#their dynamic EVERY season has been finding solace and relatability in each other #st3 was a bit different bc even tho they were struggling with basically the same thing #they dealt w it differently which resulted in conflict #but this is the THEME of their friendship #and ppl want me to believe the end of the arc of their friendship will be them NOT feeling the same way as each other?????? #yeah ok🙄 #stranger things #byler #will byers #mike wheeler #mike wheeler is gay #stranger things 4 #stranger things 3 #stranger things 2 #stranger things 1 #byler analysis #byler proof #mike wheeler analysis #anti mileven #eden talks

[fl00mie]

watching 0.6 for like the 30th time and came with a thought

cross unconsciously falling in love with dream doesn't sound so fucked up (i am not letting this scene go), like i highly doubt cream WILL become canon -again- somehow but i totally see it working given the context (goddamn such a hardcore backstory it rocks istg)

said this already on one of my cream drawings here but the fact that cross saw dream as a light of hope in his life is so damn wholesome and i beg for them to be together, it literally will make cross' life way happier

it's very implied that all of the x gang do share their feelings so that's why cross says this specific line

and they are seen crying just after that

it may not be a strong feeling for them besides genuine happiness or relief and calm but cross being the one directly interacting with dream wouldn't make it so far-fetched for him to start feeling love

#i use to do this on my priv on twt but since i've got more utmv followers here i think it's alright if i start to ramble here tee hee #it will be every undertale related content tho not just underverse #and i think it's fair bc i ain't drawing so much !! #university is killing me so i just have time to watch stuff while doing homework #undertale #undertale au #underverse #xtale #dreamtale #x sans #cross sans #dream sans #cream ship #cross x dream #fluffy rambles

[kwasso-chan]

Meme template: mentallyillchris on Instagram

#h0rni #meme #tw sui ideation #tw s3lf harm #tw sh related #hornyposting #meme template #They could fuck me while I'm dead tho.... #not the best combo out there