#I MADE IT I LIVE TO SEE THE DAY OH MY GOD

[emberuby]

it's always been you | s.jy

pairing: sim jake x reader

summary: jake is your best friend of over a decade, and you lose your mind when he gets asked out on a date.

warnings: university setting, roommate! jake, childhood best friends to lovers, jealousy, smut, unprotected sex, hardom! jake, sub! reader, degredation, possessiveness, spanking, fingering, overstimulation, vaginal sex, cream pie, implied breeding kink, angst, misunderstanding, fluff.

note: this was originally meant to be a jungwon fic but i though jake fit the vibes more. also the ending is based off a rom-com, and if you have watched it you will definitely be able to tell what it is. also, some of the scenes are based off the addicted series by kristie and becca richie.

wc: 4.0k

This was your fault, really. You knew you had no right to be mad that Jake was seeing other girls. He didn’t have any obligation always to be there to look after you like he used to. 

The walls at your shared apartment were thin, and it’s not like it was all that large, so you could clearly hear him and his date laughing and eating the dinner he made them. 

If you remembered correctly, she asked him out a week ago after his Physics lecture. Jake told you he noticed her staring at him since the beginning of the semester, chuckling to himself. You pretended to laugh alongside him, trying your best to hide your panic at the thought of him accepting a proposal from her. Sarah, you think her name was. Or Sanah? You groaned and rubbed your forehead.

He always made meals for you, and as much as you knew you were being ridiculous, it made you feel like he didn’t care about you anymore now that he was so preoccupied with another girl. Your mind started to spiral into what the future could be once he got serious about his relationship with her. He’d probably stop spending time with you, move out of your apartment, or make you find another place to stay at. 

You and Jake have been best friends for over twelve years, and all you have ever known is him. You practically lived at each other’s houses growing up, and didn’t hesitate to move in together and attend the same university. He was your shoulder to cry on when a boy broke your heart, when your grandfather passed away, and you failed an important exam. He was always there. You had no idea how you would cope without him.

You slammed your pillow onto your face and screamed. God, you were being so ridiculously dramatic. You had to grow up and accept that Jake does not belong to you. 

You dressed into your casual errand clothes and quietly walked out of your bedroom. You definitely needed some air to think, and you couldn’t handle hearing one more giggle coming from Jake’s new girlfriend’s mouth. You knew he wasn’t that funny, so why on earth was she laughing so much?

You were crouching down slightly and tip-toeing through the main hall of your apartment, hoping to leave without the two lovebirds noticing you. You were just at the entrance putting on your running shoes when you heard, “Hi! Y/N, right?” You turned around to face the girl that has been haunting your thoughts for the past few days. She was fucking gorgeous, with a warm and kind smile. God, you hated how insecure you began to feel.

“Hello! Uhm…,” Your voice was shaky, and you couldn’t find it in you to look at her eyes. You noticed Jake behind her in the kitchen, washing their dishes. He looked slightly concerned at your state but didn’t say anything.

“Sanah! My name is Sanah. Jake has told me a lot about you. I heard you guys grew up in the same town. That’s so cool! Most of my friends from back in town went overseas for uni so it’s been quite hard to make friends here,” Sanah sighed. You hated how nice she was. You wish she would just glare at you and make catty comments so it would be easier to hate her, but no, Jake had to choose the most perfect girl in the entire fucking university. 

“So where are you off to, Y/N?” Sanah asked.

“Oh…I-I’m just going out to…to get some groceries. We’re running low on a few things,” you stumbled on your words like an idiot.

“I stocked up on everything yesterday, don’t worry about it,” Jake said from the kitchen, drying his hands on a towel. 

“We-well, uhm…I’ll just go get some snacks then,” your hands were already on the door knob.

“It’s okay, I bought your favourite. The strawberry muffins, right? They’re in the pantry.”

You gulped, and your eyes were looking around for a way to escape. Jake started walking up towards you and Sanah, but you couldn’t be around this any longer. Your hands were shaking, and you opened the door abruptly, “Uh, yeah. Well, I-I just…I’ll get going, bye.”

You walked out of the apartment and down towards the elevator at the end of the hallway. You sighed with relief but you were also sweating from stress. You hated how you acted back there, like a complete bitch. You put your face into your hands, thinking of how Sanah probably hates your guts now and Jake is going to refuse to talk to you for days for utterly embarrassing him. 

You finally walked into the elevator, but just as the doors were about to close, a strong arm stopped it, followed by Jake stepping into the space. His hair was a mess, likely due to him running the length of the hallway to get here. His eyebrows were furrowed, and he was looking at you with a completely still face. He faced away from you to press the close button.

“Jake?!” You gasped, “What are you doing here?”

“I needed to check on you,” Jake murmured. 

“I’m okay, I’m fine. What the fuck? Go back. Did you seriously just leave Sanah alone?”

“I told her to go home,” he casually put his hands in his pocket, like he wasn’t being completely absurd. Your eyes widened in shock.

“You’re not serious.”

“Deadly,” he smirked.

“Jake, this isn’t a joke. Why would you do that? I’m just going out to get some food—”

“That’s bullshit. I mean, you’ve been acting so weird for the last week. You didn’t talk to me for the entire day, and then you act like that around a girl I bring home? You barely looked me in the eyes for the past few days. I know you, Y/N, you looked devastated. I had to put an end to it,” His eyes were pleading for you to explain it. Explain why you were acting like a madwoman, because you knew all he wanted to do was fix it.

“It’s nothing.”

“I know it’s not nothing! Talk to me, Y/N,” He reached out to hold your hands. They were rough and calloused, but so damn warm, and it made you never want to let go. “You always tell me how you feel, so why are you hiding now? I feel like I’m losing my mind. I can’t handle this distance between us, so tell me. I’m begging you.”

“I…,” you began. And there it was, you were going to tell him the one thing you promised to never do. 

You wouldn’t be heartbroken if Jake didn’t reciprocate your feelings, even if you would be slightly hurt. No, your nightmares were instead filled with thoughts of him leaving you. Of him getting uncomfortable, and disgusted at the thought of you having feelings for him. You were afraid of losing your soulmate because you were stupid enough to fall in love with him.

“You..?” Jake raised his eyebrows in curiosity and concern.

“I was jealous, okay? There, I said it. I was so fucking jealous because I’m in love with you, Jake, and have been for the past two years,” your eyes began tearing up ever so slightly, “and I know you don’t feel the same way, it’s okay. I wanted to be okay with it, but I don’t think I can handle seeing you with another girl. I know I’m being stupid, but I’ll find a way to deal with this, okay? I don’t know if you even want to keep being friends with me, I just—,” Your stammering was halted by Jake’s lips slamming on yours. 

Your back was suddenly pressed against the mirror at the back of the elevator, and you felt Jake grab your waist with one hand and hold your face with his other. It wasn’t soft like you always imagined your first kiss with Jake to be. It was rough, fast, and hard. You felt his tongue plunge into your mouth, and you couldn’t breathe. 

You were gripping his shoulders, nails clawing at the fabric of his shirt. You tried your best not to make any noise, knowing how mortifying it would be, but when he pressed his thigh against your core, a soft moan managed to escape your lips. You could feel yourself getting wet just from the kiss, and you felt yourself becoming lightheaded. The moan seemed to have gotten Jake going because he began grinding his thighs harder on you. 

He began to slow down, intertwining his hands with yours. He slowly let go of your lips, not before he nipped your bottom lip, and pressed his forehead against yours, letting out a sigh.

“You don’t know how long I’ve been waiting to do that, baby,” Jake whispered.

You two stared at each other for a few moments, with you not knowing what to say. Your mind was running laps, and you were afraid the next thing that came out of your mouth would make no sense, so instead you were just breathing, loudly and quickly. 

“I can’t believe you would even think I didn’t love you back. I mean, how could you be so stupid?” Jake asked, “You say you’ve been in love with me for two years, but try eight. You have been the love of my life for eight fucking years. I loved you before I even knew what it meant. What you felt today, I felt for eight years watching you get chased around by guys who were never good enough for someone as perfect as you.”

You were fully crying now, and his hands went up to your cheeks to rub the tears off them. “It’s okay baby, you’re okay,” He said before placing a firm kiss on your forehead, “I’ll never let anything hurt you. It’s always been you, okay? You’re mine now,” he began gently rubbing your back.

Throughout all this, his thighs were still pressed up against your cunt, “Jake, can we go back home?” You asked, looking up at him with shiny doe eyes that made him weak in the knees. You were desperate to get back to your apartment so you could finally calm down and properly talk to him.

Jake grinned, knowing from your blushing face and your nervousness that you were horny beyond your own comprehension. He pushed his leg up to tease you even further, surprising you and eliciting a whimper from your lips, much too loud for your liking. 

“I’ll take you home, don’t you worry your sweet head. It’s a real shame we didn’t say anything earlier. You don’t know the things I would’ve done to hear you make those noises when I was younger,” he whispered into your ear, making you grip harder onto him, afraid that if you were to let go of him you’d collapse onto the floor. 

The elevator door opened to reveal your neighbour. Jake quickly let go of you, still holding onto your waist to help steady you. He acted as if nothing had just transpired, and beamed his charming smile towards the elderly lady standing in front of you, “Good evening, Mrs. Kim!” 

You were lying on Jake’s bed, his lips sucking on your neck and your legs wrapped around his waist. Your mind has been so hazy that you can’t even remember how you got here. Thanks to Jake, your jeans have been discarded on the floor, leaving you only in your panties and your thin white shirt. 

You tapped Jake on the shoulder, “Jakey,” you said breathily, “are you going to make love to me?”

Jake’s corner of his lips raised to form a devilish smirk, “As much as I’d love that, baby, I really should punish you for the way you’ve been acting. You should’ve known better, I hate being ignored. Would you say you’ve been acting like a good girl recently?” 

“No…I-I guess no-not,” you drawled, body shaking. 

“I don’t plan on going soft on you tonight, sweetheart. You know what a safe word is, right?” He asked, making you nervously nod. If he had to ask you about a safe word, you knew your mind and body would be broken by the end of the night. It made you weirdly excited. “If at any point it becomes too much for you, you can either tap me three times or say Red, you got that?” 

You nodded again, making Jake spank the side of your thigh, followed by a yelp from you.

“Words, baby. I need you to use them, or is your mind already not working properly after barely kissing?” His voice was husky.

“Yes, Jake. I understand,” you managed to spit out.

He immediately went on to strip you of your shirt and your bra, leaving you with only your dark lace panties. He turned you around on your stomach and laid your hips over his lap, leaving your ass on display for him. He took a handful of your ass and began to kiss you up and down your spine, asking you, “Pick a number, baby.”

“Twenty-three?” 

You yelped when you felt his hand roughly come in contact with your ass, leaving a stinging sensation behind, while also dampening your panties further, even though they were already soaking. Before you could even catch your breath, he spanked you again, harsher than before. 

“Twenty-one to go, baby,” he said, and even though you couldn’t see him, you were sure he was grinning ear to ear. 

He was surprisingly quick with carrying out his punishment. At this point, he was getting more and more desperate to get his dick inside you, and although he enjoyed punishing you, he knew he’d have plenty of more opportunities in the future to carry them out slower. 

Your ass was bright red, and you were wondering how on earth you were going to be able to sit down tomorrow, or for the few days after that. You hissed when you felt his warm hands come down to rub your abused skin. 

You began to mewl as he pressed started rubbing his thumb on your clit, feeling the friction of the laced fabric of your panties, making you roll back your eyes in pleasure. “God, did you get this turned on by me punishing you? I mean,what’s the point in doing it if you enjoy it so much?” He asked, “I wouldn’t have expected you to be such a whore that gets this wet after being spanked. I would tie you up and punish you further, but you’d like that wouldn’t you?” He began rubbing harder, and eventually moving your panties to the side, sliding in his ring and middle fingers. 

You mewled at the sensation of his fingers stretching you open. You wanted so desperately to turn around so you could see his beautiful face while he was ruining your body. You were becoming so desperate that you began thrusting back onto his fingers. 

“Fuck, look at you, you desperate cock slut. I think you’re all ready to take my cock.”

“Please, fuck me. Please,” you begged, making him take his fingers out of you, much to your protest. Your insides were clenching at nothing as you were desperate for something to fill you again, preferably his cock. He turned you around so you were finally facing him, back resting on his plush mattress. 

He ripped your panties off, throwing them to the floor, followed by taking stripping himself off his clothes, but before you could even take a look at it, he plunged his cock deep inside you. It was huge. Like really huge. Your back arched off the bed, as Jake slowly started moving in and out of your cunt, your moans becoming louder and louder.

“You’re so good at taking my cock already, yeah. Just like that baby,” he was gripping your hips harshly, which was definitely going to leave a bruise for tomorrow, “Your cunt was made for me, princess.”

“P-Please don’t stop, J-Jake,” you whined, unable to keep a steady voice as his cock kept hitting all the right places inside you.

“I have no plan of doing that anytime soon,” Jake was getting rougher by the moment, speeding up his thrusts, and your mind began fogging up, not being able to handle the mixture of pleasure and pain. 

"I'm go-gonna...I'm gonna cum," you managed to cry out, weakly placing a hand on his chest. However, he grabbed your wrists and pinned them above you. 

"Go ahead baby, cum for me," his voice was breathy. He once again began rubbing your clit with his thumb, giving you the final push before your toes curled in as an orgasm washed over you, making you roll your eyes back. Jake felt like he could've cum just by the sight of your body during your release. You looked like a goddess, your body on full display, shining with the sweat of your exhaustion. Your eyes were sultry, squinting slightly, and your body was shaking.

He didn't stop, however, chasing his own release now that he knew he managed to satisfy you. You began sobbing underneath him, "S-sensitive. Baby, p-please...p-please slow down," your eyes were shiny and pleading.

"Not a chance," Jake groaned. Your tits were bouncing as he kept thrusting harder and harder, and you were babbling incoherently as your mind slowly stopped working. A white ring formed around the base of his cock due to your release, making him even harder, if that were possible. 

"I'm going to cum inside you, okay?"

Your eyes lit up at that, and a small smile formed on your lips, much to Jake's amusement. "P-Please, Jake. Please come inside me."

You suddenly felt his seed spill inside you. It felt heavenly and warm, and you never wanted to let go, even with how sensitive your cunt became. The feeling of his seed inside you, filling you to the brim, caused you to orgasm once more, alongside him riding out his own. 

"Fuck, did you cum again?" Jake asked, feeling your cunt clenching around him again, and you nodded softly, your body beyond exhaustion. You weren't sure if you could move at this point. 

He stayed inside you but leaned down to press a kiss against your forehead and rub your hair. "You're already glowing, you know?" You blushed at him saying that. He chuckled at you, "Oh, so you get shy on me now? You were begging me to cum inside your cunt barely two minutes ago and now you're getting all shy?" He teased.

You giggle at him. "I'm sorry, I'm just really tired," you whispered, "Hopefully my stamina will be better next time." 

You were startled by Jake's sudden burst of laughter and were confused as he began brushing the hair out of your face and kissing your forehead. 

"Is something wrong, Jake?" You asked.

His grin was still wide, "Nothing is wrong, princess. I just can't believe you think I'm done with you."

You woke up to the feeling of strong arms wrapped around your torso firmly, and Jake’s breath fanning the back of your neck. A little bit of sunlight was peaking through the curtains of his bedroom and you could hear the sound of traffic coming from the outside. 

You placed a kiss on Jake’s hand, groaning as he pulled you closer to him, your body jolting in pain at every slight movement. “Jake, I’m sore, be careful,” you said with a raspy voice. You definitely damaged your vocal cords after yesterday’s activities. 

You could hear Jake chuckle being muffled into your skin, as he was peppering kisses all over the back of your head, neck, and chest, “I guess that was my fault, sorry.”

God, his low morning voice was so attractive. If you had more energy in you, you would have pounced on him now and started bouncing on his cock the way you wish you could’ve yesterday. You needed to have a conversation with him about letting you be on top next time. 

He was rubbing your hips now, trying to soothe the bruises and the marks left all over your body. “I don’t think I even have any clothes that can cover up all these hickeys,” you sighed disappointedly. 

“You could just walk around like that, no? Show everyone how I made you mine last night, and how you’re off limits now.”

“Jake, it’s been a day and you’re already getting this possessive?”

“Can’t help it. My girlfriend is the most perfect being in this world. I’ve had to fend off guys from you since we were kids, and I don’t plan on stopping,” he mumbled into your shoulder blade. 

“Girlfriend?” You asked slowly and timidly.

“What, would you rather be my wife? I wouldn’t mind that either. We could have a wedding on a beach like you’ve always wanted. We could move into a big house in the suburbs, and settle down. I could get you pregnant with my kids,” you felt his erection stiffen as he said that, and continued, “Five minimum, I’m thinking,” he chuckled. 

You slapped his arm and groaned, “Jake! It’s way too early for that, you know that,” you couldn’t help but smile to yourself though. 

Jake laughed at your whiny voice, “Okay, okay. I guess girlfriend will work, for now.”

“Yeah, I like that, boyfriend,” you giggled, finally turning around to face him. 

He pecked your lips before saying, “You know, I actually have a story to tell you.”

You nodded in response, giving him the go-ahead.

“Yesterday wasn’t our first kiss,” he said with a reminiscent smile on his face.

You raised your eyebrows, having absolutely no idea what he was talking about, “What do you mean?”

He began brushing your hair out of your face before continuing, “On your eighteenth birthday, you remember how I took you out to the club because you could legally drink then?” 

You nodded. You apparently had so much vodka that night that you ended up in the toilet with a stressed-out Jake holding back your hair as you emptied out the contents of your stomach for fifteen minutes. 

“You don’t remember much from that night, so I had to explain to you most of what happened, but I kept out one key detail. After you had your,” he looked around as he was wondering for a number, “sixth shot of vodka, I believe, you pulled me up to the dance floor and kissed me, right before you fainted and fell on your ass in front of everyone.”

“You’re joking!” You screeched.

“It happened! I remember it like the back of my hand. I mean I planned on getting drunk with you but after seeing how fucked up you got I couldn’t get myself to drink more than a beer, so I remember it all,” he laughed to himself. He thought of how his eighteen-year-old self would be so proud to know that you were finally his. 

“God, that’s humiliating. Why didn’t you say anything?” You pressed your face against his chest, trying to hide away from him in shame.

“I didn’t want you to react like this. I know you're embarrassed but, I couldn't think about anything other than that kiss for the next few weeks. A part of me was relieved you didn't remember it, but a part of me wishes you did. Maybe we wouldn't have gotten into that mess yesterday if we just realized our feelings earlier," he pondered. 

You leaned up to kiss his cheek, "Don't think about that, okay? Let's not focus on the past because right now, all that matters to me is that you are here and in my arms. And I'm never letting you go, Jake," your eyes went sparkly in the way that always caused Jake to become weak.

"Fuck, I love you so much," he whispered, placing a kiss on your lips once more.

#jake enhypen #sim jaeyun #jake smut #jake x reader #enhypen #enhypen x reader #enhypen fic #enhypen smut #enhypen angst

[perfectlyoongi]

THE FEELING OF BEING ALIVE

‧₊˚ ┊synopsis ... of all the emotions you've ever felt, none were worthy of making you feel alive; that is, until you invited your best friend over to your house after a night out.

‧₊˚ ┊fandom ... bts. ㅤㅤ‧₊˚ ft. ... jungkook x afab!reader. ‧₊˚ ┊genre ... long-shot. ㅤㅤ‧₊˚ content ... smut (make-out, dry humping, tit play, bitting, cúm play, mi thinks a liiiil masturbatíon (m receiving), needy jk. if u squint u see that he likes u) - mdni pls !!, alcohol, mature language, best friends to ???, pet names (angel, love). i swear this is not angsty !! ㅤㅤ‧₊˚ word count ... 3.8k. ‧₊˚ ┊cole's note ... this was so f-ing hard oh god hope it's decent lol ♡ enjoy !! - not proof read, eng is not my 1st language xx

What does it feel like to be alive?

All your life you have sought the thrill of feeling alive. Between complex relationships and obscene adventures, years of your existence were dedicated to searching for the answer to that question that tormented your mind so much.

It was impossible not to think about something else – you always felt empty, like a puppet in the hands of a destiny that had little interest in you. Any emotion you felt, you felt vaguely, there really was nothing that made you happy or left you crying. You were simply hollow. Nothing existed in you.

As such, you were searching. You desperately searched for emotions and stories that could bring a little meaning to your life. You didn't ask for much, just a small sensation that would make you finally understand why you were here, why you were alive. However, until now, nothing lived up to your expectations – you continued to live day after day with the hope of a change that never seemed to come. But you weren't going to give up.

For now, you just wanted to have fun – who knows; maybe it was in the loud melodies of the club or in the sweet drops of your drink that you would find what you were looking for most. Or even in the hands of your best friend that didn't seem to let go of your body.

The club was full, noisy. The intense smell of alcohol invaded the space, drowned out by the loud and absurd music that echoed through the walls of the place. Different people participated in jovial rituals between rhythmic movements and colorful drinks, filling the club with pure entertainment and euphoria. And you were one of those people.

With your left hand you held a half-empty glass, moving it above your head according to the rhythm of the music that was playing. Your right hand was resting on Jungkook's shoulder, who, with both of his hands, held your hips as he helped you sway to his favorite song.

Jungkook had arrived today from his tour. It was your custom to meet up whenever he returned home, spending hours talking about the singer's adventures, recounting everything he had missed while he was away from your life. And, as usual, you always ended up in a bar or club, wanting to end your day completely drunk on pure ecstasy.

For some time now your words had lost all meaning. Both you and Jungkook were too focused on the alcohol coursing through your veins to hold any conversation. Not that it was necessary. Between you and Jungkook, there was no need to exchange words – a simple look was enough to understand each other.

The song was coming to an end, Jungkook slowing your movements as he held your left hand and pulled your glass towards him. After sipping your sweet drink, Jungkook brought his face closer to yours, his lips almost kissing your ear to make himself heard in the midst of that commotion.

“It’s already three in the morning.”

You nodded and, after finishing your drink, you held Jungkook's hand and left the club, bypassing men and women who still insisted on having a good time.

“Come on, I’ll take you home.”

Jungkook wrapped his arm around your neck, pulling you close to him before starting to walk through the city towards your house.

The night was beautiful. Sky clear of any clouds, some stars shining shyly around a single, full moon. Silence soaked in a gentle summer breeze, the whole city asleep as you and your best friend walked the sleepy streets that led you home.

Small laughs escaped your mouths. Not because any jokes were being told, but because Jungkook insisted on hindering your steps, wanting you to stumble in the air for his entertainment. The path to your house was short, a little bumpy with so much laughter and pushing, but it was genuine, covered with a blanket of pure comfort.

“Wanna come in?”

You were looking for your keys while waiting for a response from Jungkook; with his hands in the pockets of his pants, looking at the building before him, Jungkook smiled openly at your question, having secretly wished that you would invite him in – he had just missed you too much.

In the elevator of your building, you laid your head next to Jungkook, closing your eyes for a moment, as you felt his hand grab your waist to keep you safe. The silence between you was comforting, enveloping you in a small hug of serenity and warmth; in the peace between you, you felt safe, Jungkook's hand always attached to you reminding you that, with him, you had nothing to fear – and that was just one of the many reasons that made you like Jungkook so much.

You turned on the light in your apartment with a tired sigh.

Upon entering your house, your body instantly guided you to the kitchen where you took two beers from your fridge and gave one to Jungkook. After a small sip, you held your friend's hand and took him to your room, where the stereo was eager to make you dance one last time.

You turned on the music quickly, lowering the sound a little as not to disturb the neighbors, and, still drunk with the emotions of the club, you let your body move slowly to the sound of the music.

Jungkook sat on your bed, drinking his beer while replying to messages that had been on his phone since the beginning of the night. He rocked his body unconsciously, his thumb tapping quickly on his cell phone screen, wanting to ditch his obligations as a friend so he could focus entirely on the beer, on the music, on you.

“T’night feels long,” you smiled as you changed the song, your head bobbing to the beat. “In a good way, ‘course.”

“The night only started when we arrived at the club,” Jungkook let out a small laugh and threw his cell phone to the other side of the bed. “If you wan’, we can extend it ‘till dawn.”

You looked at Jungkook and smiled – you sealed his suggestion with a simple curve of your lips and a flutter of your eyelashes.

Even before Jungkook got up, you placed your beer on your bedside table and placed yourself in front of your best friend. Jungkook gently tilted his head to look at you, smile on his lips, tenderness in his hands as he placed them gently on your waist.

You placed your forehead against his while your body slowly danced to the music that echoed throughout the room. Your smile was big, but not bigger than Jungkook's who was still looking at you tenderly, the sparkle in his eyes making him even more adorable.

You had drunk too much – that's what you believed, that's what you repeated to yourself when your hands fell on Jungkook's shoulders and your body decided to sensualize your movements. And Jungkook let you dance. Taking his hands off of you, Jungkook just stared at you as he watched you move so slowly and sensually to the music.

He opened his legs on instinct and you placed yourself between them, rotating your body. You bent down gently, your ass brushing against Jungkook in a movement that was too quick for his liking. He just smiled, his tongue touching his cheek in an attempt to control himself as he saw you turn your body again and take the beer out of his hand and place it next to yours.

You were smiling yourself, teasing Jungkook with your tempting lips. And even before you walked away from him, Jungkook grabbed your hips again, pulling you towards him.

Your foreheads came together once again, your smiles still stuck on your lips. And a silence followed, only broken by the music from your stereo. However, between you and Jungkook, there was no need to exchange words – a simple look was enough to understand each other. And, as such, you and Jungkook leaned in at the same time for a kiss.

It started slowly, Jungkook tasting your lips, while he gently squeezed your body; but he quickly became thirsty, hungrier for you. Your hands held Jungkook's face, your fingers caressing your friend's silky hair as he pulled you closer to him, more than was possible.

You moved a little away from Jungkook to breathe, your lips so close that you could still taste him. One tease, two teases and, before you could tease Jungkook's lips a third time, he quickly brought your lips together again, using his tongue to accommodate itself in your mouth.

Jungkook guided you to his lap with his hands, making you sit on his legs and pulling, over and over again, your body close to his. His lips separated from yours and trailed your face, caressing your cheek, your jaw, your neck. Jungkook's lips worshipped your neck, leaving wet kisses on your skin, making you sigh as he gently sucked your essence. Your hand tangled in Jungkook's dark hair, gently pulling some strands when his kisses felt more enjoyable, making him smile against your neck.

Jungkook still had his hands on you, but he wanted more.

Still lost in your scent and focused on your neck, Jungkook's hands went down to your thighs, squeezing you gently before moving them up again, hiding them under your clothes. You sighed when you felt Jungkook's warm fingers on your skin — the way he squeezed you gently made you feel important.

“Kookie…”

“Hm?” He moved his lips back, following the same path as before, loving every corner of your skin. “Tell me, angel.”

You opened your mouth slightly, letting a new sigh escape your lips when Jungkook squeezed you again and pulled you towards him, your intimacy very slightly feeling Jungkook becoming hard.

“We’ still friends, right?”

He kissed you a first time and smiled. He kissed you a second time and ran his hands up your back. He kissed you a third time and nodded.

“Best friends,” he corrected you, smile stuck on his lips, fingers stroking your back.

“Good,” you kissed Jungkook again desperately, as if he were the answer to all the questions that clouded your mind. You were greedy. You only wanted him. You just wanted more of him.

Your hands grabbed Jungkook's shirt and, as quickly as you could, freed him from the fabric, throwing it roughly to the floor of your room. You could finally feel him. Your fingers lingered on your best friend's chest; caressing Jungkook made you feel lost, totally intoxicated by the softness of his skin, by the absurdity of the whole situation – what were you doing?

You decided to be the one to love this time, your lips getting lost on Jungkook's neck while kisses were left as memories of a fantastic night. In the crook of Jungkook's neck, your teeth sank into his hot skin, making him let out a small sigh that lingered forever in your room. More. You wanted to hear more.

Without realizing it, you started to move your hips, resting your forehead on Jungkook's shoulder, the friction forced by you making you sigh softly. And him too. Jungkook held your thighs again, helping your movements, sighing with his eyes closed at the feeling of having you so close to him.

Jungkook was starting to get impatient. He wanted more of you. He needed more of you.

He quickly took off your shirt, wasting no time admiring your body, kissing your skin immediately as his hands toke off your bra. With your breasts exposed, Jungkook became hungrier. His lips began to kiss your collarbone, trailing along your soft skin in paths unknown to him; it was only a matter of time before Jungkook found himself with your breasts.

You let a small moan escape your mouth when Jungkook began worshiping your breasts. Your friend's tender lips kissed your boob thirstily, gently sucking on your skin, carefully biting your very appetizing nipple. Jungkook's mouth was an expert at worshiping you. And you could only moan softly, gently. One of Jungkook's hands squeezed your other breast, his slender fingers pinching, teasing your exposed nipple. He seemed starving, completely hungry for you; Jungkook just wanted more of you, more of your smooth skin, more of your sensual moans.

He lingered on your breasts, making sure every corner of your skin was marked with his saliva. Your moans filled the room, motivating Jungkook to continue, to not stop worshiping you. He was completely intoxicated with you.

“Kook…” your voice came out weak, in a whisper, covered in small moans and teasing sighs. “Jung…kook…”

“Yea, my angel,” Jungkook moved slightly away from your chest, now looking at you for the first time since he had undressed you. His sweet eyes roamed every inch of your skin, admiring how naturally beautiful you really were, feeling more and more needy with each passing second.

You gently moved your hips, pressing your intimacy to Jungkook's, causing you both to let out a small groan.

“Can we…” Jungkook’s fingers traced your body, outlining every curve and mark with a provocative delicacy that only left you sighing deeply. “Can we do… more?”

Jungkook's response came in the form of a kiss, massaging your lips once again while his big hands slid to your ass and squeezed it tightly. You moaned softly when Jungkook bit your neck hard, marking his devotion on your skin, leaving you a memory of a night that had become magical.

Your hands quickly grabbed Jungkook's pants, impatiently unbolting them, causing Jungkook to laugh a little. But you didn't care; you hadn't even fully heard him. You needed more of Jungkook, you just wanted more of Jungkook.

In a quick maneuver you pulled Jungkook's pants, leaving them lying on the floor surrounding his feet, and looked at him. Your eyes shone with desire. Wherever you focused your gaze, you could only see fascination painted on Jungkook's face; his lips were slightly open, begging for one more kiss from you, begging for one more contact with your body; his eyes, so sweet and bright, now consumed by the greed that ran through his body, were locked on you, silently asking you if you wanted more, if you should continue.

For a moment, everything was static.

Your hands were resting on Jungkook's shoulders. Jungkook's hands were resting on your hips. Your eyes were lost in Jungkook’s attractive features. Jungkook's eyes were lost in your delicate features.

Just a moment. Just a second.

You were going to continue. You just wanted to continue.

You rushed in for an intense kiss, answering the question dictated by your best friend's eyes. As he kissed you, completely soaked in your essence, intoxicated with your fragrance, Jungkook's hands looked for the button of your pants, wanting to undress you as quickly as possible – he wanted to feel you.

You left Jungkook's lap for mere moments, just long enough for your pants to fall to the floor. You didn't have time to waste. Every second was precious when shared with Jungkook.

When you sat down on Jungkook's lap again, he let out a groan. You were wet, a lot. Your fluids passed through the fabric of your panties. And Jungkook felt it. Through his boxers, Jungkook felt your excitement.

Your hand went down to your friend's boxers as your lips seduced his neck. Above the fabric, your hand caressed Jungkook's penis, feeling how hard he was – because of you. Your thumb gently pressed the tip of Jungkook's cock, gently caressing it stimulated by the pre-cum that painted his boxers.

“F…fuck, ugh!” He could only groan. Feeling your touch, even if it was blocked by a cloth, drove him insane. With his head tilted and his eyes closed, Jungkook allowed himself to be pampered by you.

His mind was completely covered with pure pleasure and euphoria. Your lips kissed Jungkook's neck, your hand caressed Jungkook's cock, and Jungkook felt special at that moment, important.

“I want…” Jungkook’s voice was lost in his moans, trying to release words beyond the profanities that trapped his lips. “I want… you. Agh! More… please.”

You held Jungkook's shoulders with your hands again and, now stimulated by the fluids that stained your underwear, your hips began to move gently. The friction you caused seemed divine, guiding your mind to paths of pure pleasure and desire, creating moans in your mouth that were released weakly. Your voice stuck to Jungkook's skin, fixing the euphoria that ran throughout your body in his chest.

With his hands, Jungkook caressed your thighs. Feeling your soft skin in his hands as you brushed against him drove Jungkook crazy. Sighs and moans filled your room, completely drowning out the music that insisted on dictating the rhythm of your movements – but you didn't hear it, you were too focused on Jungkook to notice what was happening around you.

You kissed Jungkook again, your hands pressing down on his body. Jungkook let himself be guided by you, ending up laying down on your bed while he delighted in your intense kisses and precise movements. Your lips were poisonous, corrupting Jungkook's composure, forcing him to moan into your mouth, to squeeze your thighs, to get harder and harder.

“Jungkook…”

How divine it was to hear his name being pronounced by your sinful lips, adorned by the pleasurable sighs that escaped you. “Yea, my love?” And how sublime it was to call you that word with his hoarse voice, immersed in the desire that was trapped in his intense sighs.

“Tell me…” you moved away from Jungkook’s lips and approached his ear, your lips almost caressing it, your tongue teasing his sensitive skin. “Tell me when you’re close.”

You kissed Jungkook's neck, once, twice, three times, and after marking your teeth in the crook of his neck once more, you straightened your back, freely rocking your body on top of Jungkook.

Your friend's eyes were locked on you, completely mesmerized by your sensual movements. There was something about the way your hips moved, the way you brushed against Jungkook so perfectly, that made him impatient for more, completely desperate for you. But he just looked at you, admiring your every movement, retaining in his memory every sound that came out of you.

You were covered in pleasure. Even though you didn't feel Jungkook's penis in its entirety, you were excited – the friction was good, too good, making your intimacy increasingly wet, increasingly thirsty for Jungkook. You wanted more, you wanted much more. But you just brought your hands to your breasts, caressing them with the memory of Jungkook's touch in your mind, moving your hips faster.

Beautiful. You were simply beautiful. With your eyes closed, head tilted back and lips slightly open, you looked magnificent. With hands on your breasts and intimacy soaked, you were divine. Unique. That image was unique to Jungkook. Something he felt was not for his eyes, too lewd for him to be aware of. But, fuck!, how perfect you were.

“I’m…” Jungkook swallowed a moan before speaking, taking a deep breath when you touched the head of his cock. “I’m… agh!, close… close…!”

You smiled at yourself. So fast it was. So hungry he was.

You kissed Jungkook again once, twice, three times, and before separating your lips from his, your hands held Jungkook's, guiding them to your ass, making you smile.

“Use me however you want.” Your voice sounded so low, so perverse in Jungkook's ear that he couldn't stifle a new moan. You were too much for him.

Squeezing your ass, Jungkook helped increase the speed of your movements, making the pressure on him more intense for both of you.

Both you and Jungkook were out of control. Lost in each other's moans, disoriented by the exaltation that coursed through your bodies as part of you. You hid your face in the crook of Jungkook's neck, his fragrance mixed with his sweat clouding your mind. Nothing else existed at that moment. You felt nothing else at that moment other than the excess pleasure that Jungkook gave you with each pressure on your intimacy.

“Jung… fuck! Jungkook, I’m…”

“I’m close,” he repeated, breathlessly, not fully hearing you. His mind was stuck on the way you stained his boxers, completely focused on how perfectly you caressed his penis. “Close…”

“Fuck! Agh, Jung… U-ugh!” You bit Jungkook again when you felt a knot in your stomach, your head spinning when you finally came. A feeling of freedom washed over you, trapping your lips and staining your panties.

You felt good at that moment, completely fulfilled while Jungkook still kept pace, caressing your intimacy excessively, forcing you to let out moans and meaningless words, totally drunk with pleasure.

“Please…” your voice was hoarse, low, not wanting to be heard in its entirety so well you were feeling. “Jungkook, please, aghn!”

“Again,” Jungkook asked between moans, feeling his limit approaching faster and faster. “My… ugh… name!… again.”

You obeyed out of instinct.

“Jungkook.”

Like an enchantment hovering in the air, Jungkook's name sounded once again, embellished by your tired voice, framed by the pleasure he caused you. And that was all it took. Enticed by your voice, Jungkook couldn't contain his euphoria – pearl strands marked stains on his dark boxers, a long, low grunt accompanying Jungkook's climax as he slowed down his movements until he left you motionless on top of him.

Both you and Jungkook were panting.

Still processing the ecstasy that completely washed over your bodies, you and Jungkook remained lying with your eyes closed – your head resting on Jungkook's chest, his hands still resting on your ass. There was a moment of pause. Brief seconds of silence that were cut by music that was too pure for the occasion.

You finally smiled.

You gently lifted your torso and moved a little away from Jungkook's intimacy, just enough to be able to tease him. Your fingers invaded Jungkook's privacy driven by curiosity and were quickly bathed in his essence. You let that white fluid paint your fingers as you created art on Jungkook's penis with his own essence – up, down, on the head, along the entire length.

A small moan sounded between Jungkook's smile, his head lifting a little to see you.

“What’re you doin’?”

“I just wanna see the damage I did,” you shrugged and continued to stimulate Jungkook with his own cum as you smiled to yourself.

“If you continue, you’ll have to take responsibility.”

“Doesn’t seem that bad.”

You looked at Jungkook innocently, the contrast in your wicked smile being enough to drive your friend crazy once again.

All your life you have sought the thrill of feeling alive. And that night, when held in your best friend's arms and drunk on the pleasure he gave you, you almost found the feeling of being alive.

Maybe, but just maybe, the feeling of being alive was similar to the feeling of being worshipped by Jungkook.

ㅤㅤ‧₊˚ feedback is appreciated ♡

#wild waters ʚɞ⁺˖⸝ #ship of bts 𐙚₊‧₊˚ #jeonjungkook #bts #jungkook #btsarmy #bangtansonyeondan #army #bangtanboys #bangtan #jungkook x reader #jungkook smut #jungkook x you #jungkook fluff #bts jungkook #bts x reader #jungkook fanfic #jungkook oneshot #jungkook scenarios #bts fanfic #jungkook fic #bts smut #jungkook fic recs #jungkook imagines #jungkook fic rec #bts fic #bts rec #jjk smut #jjk x reader

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

End Game 4

No tag lists. Do not send asks or DMs about updates. Review my pinned post for guidelines, masterlist, etc.

Warnings: this fic will include dark content such as noncon/dubcon, age gap, stalking, and possible untagged elements. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.

This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: Your gaming buddy asks to meet up but it doesn’t go exactly as planned.

Characters: Andy Barber

Note: I'm a sleepy babay.

As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me.

Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!) Please do not just put ‘more’. I will block you.

I love you all immensely. Take care. 💖

There’s a finality to the tap of your thumb. You hold the block button for a moment before you let it go. The window pops up asking if you’re sure. Yes. Certain. This is just a mistake and when you’re older and wiser, you’ll be thankful you made it. If you even remember it. 

You lay back and put your phone down. Done. Over. No more Jacob. No Andy.  

Maybe you’ll go back and see Kara again, or she can come here, even if she hates this town. You can at least be thankful that it reconnected you two, and you have to be grateful to learn a hard lesson. Don’t mess with strangers online. You’re better off alone. 

You close your eyes. You’re exhausted. Mentally, emotionally, and yes, physically. Who knew scooping ice cream could be so much work? 

When you wake up, you’re sore and still groggy. The sun peers in at you brightly in the slat between the curtains. You groan and hide under the pillow. Your shift starts at noon. You can’t spend all morning doing nothing or the whole day is wasted. 

You drag yourself out of bed. Your grandma is still asleep. You’re sure she was up until dawn with her latest haul from the used book store. You clean up the cluster of wrappers around her chair and tidy up the kitchen, dumping the old coffee and brewing a new pot. 

You go to grab your phone and pause as you see an unusual notification. Your email? Huh. You don’t really use that besides for school. You open it up, thinking it might be about enrolment. No. It’s him. Andy. Holy moly. 

You scroll up and down, skimming the blocks of text. Oh god. You hit delete. You’re not reading all that. You said what needed to be said. 

You have your coffee and load the machine for whenever your mother gets out of bed. You eat and wash up, catching up on some Youtube before you make yourself get your uniform on. You head out, walking to work to enjoy the sunshine, and key in between tying on your apron and chatting with Gavin, the high schooler who does half-shifts every now and then.  

He leaves at four and you have your complimentary cone just after five. Peanut butter chocolate; classic. You eat at the window as you watch the mostly empty street. Your phone vibrates and you slide it out, hoping to take advantage of the lull. 

WhatsApp request? No way. The shammy recruiters always want a piece of you. At least you never fell for that. 

You bite into the cone and your phone suddenly blows up with Insta notifications. Bots! Ugh. So annoying. Every new follower is faceless with some generated name. You mute the notifications and put your cell away. You really are a boring person. 

As you look up, tires crush over a patch of gravel and your barely catch a glimpse of the car as it rolls just around the corner. You feel like you’ve missed something. Maybe your grandma is right about you always having your nose buried in a screen. Who is she to talk? She lives in her novels. 

Your shift ends at eight. You lock up and stop by the convenience store down the block. Nothing special, just a tray of carbonara you can shove in the nuke. As you pay at the counter, the door chimes to signal another customer. You accept your meagre meal as the other patron strides into the aisle. You don’t look over as you go directly for the door. You’re starving for more than a scoop. 

Your footsteps seem to echo through the dull streets. The frozen meal makes your hand hurt as your other holds your cell phone close. You text Kara as you finally get through the essay she wrote about Calvin’s latest antics. You wish you could convince her to play something. You feel aimless without an analog stick under your thumb. 

There’s a scuff, close behind you, loud enough to make you jump. You fumble with your phone and glance over your shoulder. You don’t see anything but the thick oak outside Luella’s. Ugh. Alright, you need to eat and lay down. It hasn’t been a busy day but still a long one. 

You pass through your grandma’s front door. She’s where she always is, in her chair, but something’s off. Something’s different. The smell of pollen hangs in the air and a pot stands on the coffee table with several white orchids tall in the soil. You frown. The last time you got her flowers, she didn’t even put them in a vase. 

“Oh, those are pretty,” you say. 

“Mph, not mine,” she grumbles, not looking up. 

“Not... who’s...” 

“Delivery man said your name. I didn’t read the card. I’m not a snoop.” 

You nod, thankful at least that she isn’t nosy. You go to the table and examine the pot. Who would send you flowers? 

You take the card off the tall pronged stick and open the envelope. You slide out the paper and unfold it. 

‘I know I’ve told you a million times, so I’ll show you how sorry I am instead. Yours always, Andy.’ 

You nearly drop your handful. Your eyes flick up to the pot and you have to stop yourself from pushing it off the table. What the hell? How... how does he know where you live? You never even mentioned what town you’re from. He only knows your college and it’s so small, he wouldn’t have heard of it. 

It’s enough to unsettle you. That he knows where you live is bad enough but the flowers themselves make a point. It’s not over. He’s not walking away but what else can you say to make him? Didn’t he get it? You think were pretty nice considering. 

“You got some boy?” Your grandma raises her eyes from the page. You can’t remember the last time she even bothered looking at you. 

“Not exactly,” you tuck the card away and put it in your pocket. “I’m going to make my dinner.” 

“Eh,” she grumbles, “fine. Get them flowers somewhere else. They stink.” 

You lift the vase, hugging it around the pot, and carry it from the room. You balance it against your hip and go into the kitchen. You use your free hand to pull open the freezer and put the pasta inside. You’re not so hungry anymore. 

🎮

The irises are pretty. The pot they came in is fancy, probably expensive. It underlines once more the gap between you and the real Jacob. Between you and Andy.

It only reminds you of how ridiculous you must have sounded. So, you just can’t understand why he’s doing this? Why is he still trying? For you? A girl with dwindling hopes of even finishing her low-tier college degree. 

You try to forget. You don’t have a shift that day but you can’t just sit around. Usually, you would. You’d hole up in your bedroom and play video games. Not anymore. He ruined that. You’re disappointed you’re letting him. 

You got down to the library for a while and wander around. There’s nothing there you’re very interested in. They still haven’t got the latest release in the series you’d read in high school. Oh well, you’ll wait around until one day you learn the fate of those revolutionary spies. 

You walk the main strip of the town. It isn’t very extensive. There’s a coffee shop and the used bookstore which also carries hobby supplies. There’s the same diner that’s been there since you were a kid and the interchangeable business that open and close year after year. 

There’s a vibe in your pocket. It’s not Kara. Another WhatsApp request, more Insta bots, and Discord. You haven’t been on the server in ages. You couldn’t keep up with all the channels and most of it was arguing about mining strategies. 

It’s Andy. Frig. You should’ve blocked him there too. You just hadn’t thought of it. 

‘Did you like the flowers?’ 

You don’t answer but he’ll see that you read it. It isn’t long before he’s typing. 

‘I am still very sorry. I wish you’d talk to me. Hear me out.’ 

Hear him out? He said everything. His son is dead and he lied to you. That’s not anything you can hash out. 

‘I know you’re not working today. I’ll make a new world and we can chat there.’ 

No. That’s not going to happen. Over. O-V-E-R. It’s done. You’re not going to be like Kara. When you cut the cord, it’s snipped. 

You won’t answer. That’s just bait. He’ll keep nibbling if you do that. You press the chat settings and block. That’s better, you can’t breathe. 

You put your phone on silent and back in your pocket. You wish you had the money to try the sushi place. It won’t last long in the bodunk town so you probably won’t ever get to. Oh well. Back on campus, they sell decent California rolls at the cafeteria. Decent, not necessarily good. 

You go home. To your grandma’s house. It doesn’t always feel like home. You know she’s counting the days until you leave. You are too. 

You wish you were brave enough to apologise. To say sorry your mom and dad didn’t want you. That she got stuck with you. It feels like saying it out loud would be worse. Just wallow in the unspoken resent, one day you won’t ever come back and maybe then you can both be happy. 

In your room, you don’t know what to do with yourself. Your Switch taunts you from across the room. You want to mine or race or even scare yourself with some Hellblade. You can’t. More Youtube. More wasted time. That’s what people like you do; people from small towns with no one who loves them and no money; waste time. 

The mindless videos help you relax but not forget. You just can’t get rid of the little tickle at the back of your head. There’s a tinge of shame that remains and a sliver of guilt. It will go. It has to, one day. 

You catch yourself staring at the orchid. You can smell it. You want to throw it away but that feels rude. Even if Andy would never know, even if you shouldn’t care. He hurt you, didn’t he? He lied. Well, you could give it to Mahalia next door, she loves flowers. 

You lay in indecision. You don’t want to do anything but lay there. Now that you’re still, you have no strength. Your day off is chipped away in your laziness.  

The next day awaits you with another shift at the booth. And the day after and the day after. 

Your fourth day in a row and you get a new Discord message. You know even before you open it, even by the blank avatar and nondescript username. It’s him. Just leave me alone. Let it go. Let me forget. 

‘I know you don’t want to hear from me but I need you to hear me. I can’t stop thinking of you and what happened. I can do better. Please, let me apologise.’ 

Blocked. Again.

Work. Again.  

You’re half asleep as you fill cones with soft serve. You smile and swallow yawns, faking it for the hyper children and cheerful couples. 

When it slows, you work on cleaning the freezer, switching out empty containers with ones from the deep freeze. As you check the soft serve, there’s a tap on the open walk-up window. Oh shoot. You should’ve been paying better attention. 

You turn back to greet the next customer but as you approach the window, your chest deflates. Frozen, like the tubs around you. You stare at Andy as he smiles at you. He wears a short-sleeve button up with blue, grey, and white stripes. His hair blows in the soft breeze. 

“Do you have butterscotch ripple?” He asks brightly. 

You blink and hesitate. You don’t know what to do. How did he get here? How did he find you? Why is he here? 

You reach for the window and before he can stop you, you shut it. You lock it from the inside and step back. His face falls and his brow arches as he stands straight. He says your name, his voice muffled by the glass, and puts his palm to the barrier. 

“Please,” he begs. 

You shake your head and turn your back to him. If your manager was here, you’d be in shit. That’s a no-no. Never turn away a customer, only shut the window when you lock up. 

You ignore him and go back to tidying. There could be a line up out there but you don’t care. Your hands are shaking and it’s not just the temperature.

You just can’t believe he’s there. You can’t believe he won’t just give up. You don’t want to believe it because you’re afraid. You’re terrified and he seems entirely clueless about how scary he’s being. 

Flowers are one thing but showing up at your job? That’s a flaming red flag that even you can see. Not only because you told him plainly that you don’t want to talk to him again, but because he’s a grown man. Fortysomething and he can’t take a hint. Why would a man his age want to talk to someone as young as you? That’s another red flag on its own. As if catfishing you wasn’t enough. 

#andy barber #dark andy barber #dark!andy barber #andy barber x reader #fic #dark fic #dark!fic #series #end game #defending jacob

[senawashere]

We're on this together...(Chapter VI)

Bradley Bradshaw x Fem!Wife!Reader

Summary: Stupid kids.

Little note: Carol and Nick is still alive.

Warnings: Infertility,mentions of miscarrige,mentions of hospital,mentions of getting pregnant,mentiones of ivf.Use of alcohol,arguing,use of bad languange. Not so angsty anymore🥹

July 22, 2022:

It was almost six weeks later that Bradley became suspicious.

They both hadn’t spent much time together since the last time, and he wanted to make up for lost time with his wife. So he decided to take a day off and make breakfast while you were still in bed.

He whistles as he makes the pancakes, turning around every now and then to check the coffee on the stove the way you like it. He puts the missing dishes on the tray, completing the breakfast you’ve been making for years; maple syrup, coffee, pancakes, hash browns, and toast.

He jots down the note, “I’ll always love you :).”

He hears you coming down the stairs and mentally prides himself on his perfect timing, quickly organizing everything and turning toward the door frame that separates the kitchen from the living room.

You enter the scene as he scratches his tangled nest of hair and tries to adjust the pj's that have been tossing and turning throughout the night, his face is imprinted with pillows and Bradley feels like he’s going to faint from how beautiful his wife is.

“Good morning, my love.”

“Hm.” You just smile, you don’t like talking to anyone when you’re barely awake and he knows that so he doesn’t force you.

You open your eyes and stop in your tracks when you see your breakfast, looking at your husband with a small smile and a blush on his face.

“Oh, Bradley!”

“It’s been a long time since we had breakfast together.” He mutters and you settle between his legs (you sat down so you could eat with him) and walk over to him to take his face in your hands, placing small kisses on his sparsely stubbled face and lips.

You sit down and the two of you start eating, chatting from time to time.

He looked proud of himself as he watched you eat pancakes with maple syrup, but you tasted the coffee and spit it back into the cup.

"Hey! Why did you do that?" He asks you with a hurt expression on his face.

"I'm sorry honey, but it tastes awful." 

You reply with a grimace as you pour yourself a glass of apple juice to drink it all down.

Bradley takes your coffee from you and takes a sip; it tastes perfectly normal, very good if he has to admit, but he decides to leave you alone and let you continue with a glass of apple juice.

You were happily continuing to eat, of course, until you popped a small piece of egg yolk into your mouth.

Bradley doesn’t have time to complain when you’re throwing up in the sink anyway.

He quickly drops his coffee and walks over to you, grabbing your hair and patting your back until you pull yourself together, wiping your face with the sleeve of his shirt as he looks at you.

“I don’t feel so good.” You mumbled with a pout that made Bradley’s heart ache.

“It’s okay, honey.” He pulls you into his chest. “Why don’t you lie down? I’ll put everything aside and join you as soon as I can.”

You nod and look into his eyes. “I’m sorry I messed this up.”

He smiles sadly as he brushes his sweaty hair from his forehead. “You didn’t mess anything up, to be honest, I was really looking forward to staying in bed with you.”

You leave and ten minutes pass while Bradley gets breakfast, maybe saving it for later. He’s washing the cups when he notices something while one of them drying in the sink.

He picks up his phone with his half-dried hands and opens the conversation he had with his mother a week ago.

"Everything is fine honey. Your cousin is pregnant and can't handle eggs and coffee so we're taking care of her now. Kisses, honey, I love you and Y/N!! 💕💞😘"

Eggs and coffee.

Eggs.

Coffee.

He grips the marble countertop as he tries to catch his breath.

Could it be..?

God, he's going to faint at the thought.

He couldn’t believe he had such a good memory to remember such a mundane message between his mother and him.

You run your hand over your face as you trie to come back to reality if she’s pregnant…or not..

Damn it, you can’t think straight, and if it wasn’t for Duke jumping on the counter and barking in your face, then you’d still be going crazy.

You turn off the faucet and run upstairs, ignoring Bradley's fuzzy nerves as he enters your shared bedroom, you stare at him in fear.

“Take a pregnancy test.” That’s all he says, and you get out of bed in confusion.

“What?” You ask, approaching him. “Are you okay? You look pale.” You cup his face.

“Yeah, yeah.” He responds excitedly, letting you examine his face.

“Just, please, you have to.”

“Okay, I’ll do it and you’ll calm down.” He looks into your eyes and nods. “Come on.”

Bradley can barely control himself as you pee on four sticks to make sure, wandering the bathroom and bedroom until you come out.

“We need to wait five minutes, do you want to explain what’s going on?”

You both sit on the bed and hold his hands to comfort him, which does the trick.

“You’re going to think I’m crazy, but do you remember when my mom told me Marienne was pregnant and couldn’t stand eggs nor coffee?”

“Yeah.” You answer, and your eyes widen in understanding. “Oh my god. What do you think..”

“I don’t know.” Bradley shakes his head, trying to swallow the lump in his throat. “I don’t know.”

The minutes pass and the both of you gets crazier and crazier; You feel like you're going to tear your hair out in desperation, and Bradley wants to throw up again for the tenth time as he playes with his rings.

There has to be something else, he doesn’t even know how to take care of babies, was it his paternal instinct? no, this is stupid, maybe he’s not going to be a father and he’s just going crazy.

He’s an idiot, now your hopes are up and he doesn't want to have to see the look of disappointment on your perfect face again.

So lost in his thoughts that he doesn't notice you get up from behind him to re-enter the bathroom, slowly reappearing with four tests in your hands, unable to take your eyes off them as you mumble;

“Positive.”

Bradley raised his head as soon as he heard you, his eyes met your now teary ones and he stood up, approaching you, ypu are showing him all the positive lines that showed your baby growing inside you. His fucking wife is pregnant.

You put them down and throw yourself into your husband's arms, clinging to each other, making you both fall backwards onto the bed.

You cry into Bradley's chest while he cries into yours.

You feel like you're going to faint from the tears and sobs pouring out of both of your bodies, a tremendous happiness fills your entire body as millions of things go through your head. Same for him too.

Bradley talks to pregnant women's bellies, Bradley holds a small chubby baby, Bradley plays the piano with a small child, Bradley rocks a baby, Bradley and your babies will be like this.

Sooner or later, it would all come true.

Meanwhile, Bradley is still crying as if he's never cried in his life, you're sitting with him in your arms and he moves his hands between them to rest on your belly. "There's a baby inside," he says, his voice breaking.

You laugh and lean your forehead against his. "There's a baby inside."

Both of you look at each other, your eyes fill with tears and you both start laughing, you kiss, ignoring the salty taste of teardrops. You kiss, trying to convey everything that cannot be expressed in words to each other, but now there is someone who proves that their love is possible.

"A perfect blend of us,there it is." Bradley's and yours belly felt like there were fireworks inside. He can't wait to sing and play the piano to his love's growing belly, to hold that tiny hand.

He just can't wait.

"I love you." He sees the tears continue to flow down your cheeks as you part your lips. "I love you Bradley, we did it."

"We did it." He repeats, squeezing your waist between his hands. "We did it, we're having a baby, I told you."

"I can't believe you found out because I threw up your breakfast."

"Because you would never throw up something I make, I'm an incredible chef."

Both laugh again and Bradley flips both of you over, laying you between him and the bed, laughing at the kisses he spreads across your face, neck, and lifting the robe slightly to reveal the soft skin of your belly. 

It was keeping his baby warm in there.

Duke seems to notice the happiness that is coming from the room, he climbs into bed and cuddles up to his mother’s chest, who is happily caressing Bradley's hair and cheeck's.

Bradley kisses the area on your belly as you stroke Duke's scalp, and his tears continue to flow when he sees you talking to Duke about the baby.

He whispers something, but you and maybe someone else can hear him clearly.

“Welcome home, baby. You are already loved.”

“Yeah, I always wanted to have your stupid children.”

THEY MADE IT🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹

I'm tagging people who might be interested:@ohtobeleah @sebsxphia @callsign-fox @greenorangevioletgrass @roosterforme @teacupsandtopgun @floydsglasses @lyn-js @its-dee-lovely @its-the-pilot @friedchips94 @hardballoonlove @topguncortez @bradshawsbaddie @shanimallina87 @djs8891 @themusingofagothicsoul @promisingyounglady @the-romanian-is-bae @mamachasesmayhem @jessicab1991 @iefitzgerald-blog @charcole-grey @waterriseslew @desert-fern @eternalsams @callsigns-haze @promisingyounglady @els-marvelvsp @cevansbaby-dove @atarmychick007 if you are not comfortable please tell me!!

#sena writes #bradley bradshaw x female reader #bradley bradshaw x reader #bradley rooster bradshaw #rooster bradshaw #bradley bradshaw #bradley bradshaw fanfic #bradley bradshaw fanfiction #bradley bradshaw imagine #bradley bradshaw x fem!reader #bradley bradshaw x pregnant!reader #rooster imagine #rooster fanfiction #rooster x reader #rooster top gun #rooster x wife!reader #top gun rooster #topgun maverick #topgun #top gun fanfiction #top gun maverick #top gun #top gun 2 #we're on this together

[secondbeatsongs]

Hello, you said in some tags in a poll that Speed Racer (2008) is your favorite film. If you’re okay with it, I’d really like to hear more about why you love it. I love the Wachowskis’ work (they’re among my favorite directors), but I kinda ended up bouncing off Speed Racer (2008). So, hearing that it had a real impact on someone makes me very curious why. I’m not interested in criticizing your opinion or arguing with you, I’d just really like to know why you love it in the hopes I might be able to enjoy that movie more in the future.

oh god this is from seven months ago, I'm so sorry - but I do love almost everything about Speed Racer (2008) and I still think about it nearly every day.

I love that it's so bright and colorful and absurd. I love that it's an anime in live action form. and I love that at its heart, it is a story about love.

it's about the mistakes people make out of love, and the consequences of that. it's about the way children grow to understand why the adults around them make the choices they do, and maybe choose to do the same things. it's about taking risks for the people you love, and the pain of failing to change the world, because everything is capitalism and everything hurts.

(and it's also about being transgender btw. like, that's one of the main things about it - it is very much a movie about being transgender)

what if your father's choices hurt your older brother, and your older brother's choices hurt you, and now it's you and your younger brother staring down a future where you're going to end up hurting him by making the same choice?

and then...what if you can escape that? what if the broken parts put themselves back together, and the hope doesn't run out, and you're not alone with the things that haunt you? what then?

and now you're at the end and mistakes were still made, people were still hurt, but everyone's grown and changed and they're different now. and they've figured out that maybe, just maybe, you can change the world by doing something you love, by creating art and beauty and making people feel things.

maybe you really can defeat capitalism by driving a car really fast. and even if everyone thinks you can't...don't you have to try anyway? shouldn't you fight with the skills you have, the only way you know how?

what if it works?

and I'm not even gonna get into most of the Racer X stuff (because I want people to go watch this movie, and most folks probably won't be spoiled for it), but his whole deal is just...everything. I love him.

(if there's a guy from Speed Racer that I want to put in a jar and shake every so often, or maybe wrap in a blanket so he can have a nice nap, it's Racer X. he's a great character. prime blorbo material)

anyway I've been rotating this movie in my head ever since I saw it for the first time, and I think I've seen it...seven? times now? and I still cry at the final race, and I still get blown away by the intro sequence.

(the beginning of the movie is genuinely one of the best things I've ever seen - it does an amazing job of introducing you to the world and the story of the characters, and gets you emotionally invested in it right from the start. it's fantastic filmmaking)

also like. story stuff aside, from a technical standpoint, the movie is a masterpiece. it's the type of thing that people hated when it first came out, but when you look at it now and see how it was made, how it intentionally looks bizarre and cartoonish, plastic and surreal, you can see the exact vision the Wachowskis were going for, and it's brilliant.

the way they did the visual effects, the way they made the outdoor scenes feel so detailed, the way the driving and the tracks work - they put so much thought into that, and the behind-the-scenes vids show how cool their process was.

also uhhh cars go vroom, crash into each other, flip upside down, explode, maybe have bees and hammers in them sometimes?

(the above is me complimenting the unhinged vibe of the races themselves, which I love very much)

anyway I could make other full posts about the script of the film and how much I love it, or the cool side characters, or the fanfic potential of the amazing world of the film, or how I can prove that it's set in 1991...but I guess if anyone wants those rants, they'll just have to watch the film and then come talk to me. :)

(please. please come talk to me about Speed Racer.)

so, yeah! I kinda lost my mind there and made this post way longer than I intended, but I do feel strongly affected by this movie, and I hope this has helped explain why.

#asks #crescentwench #speed racer #speed racer (2008) #speed racer 2008 #the wachowskis #my beloved #also it's important for anyone who hasn't seen the movie or cartoon to know #the main guy. his name is Speed Racer #first name Speed last name Racer #also the movie has vague found family vibes because Sparky and Trixie are here and are a part of this family #don't worry about it. they belong here #and so does chim-chim #he's their youngest child #and also a chimpanzee #sbs rambles #long post

[demonicrhythms]

Hallooo!! Hope you’re having a g’day! I’ve been wondering for a while, who are characters in Golden Antlers? Their official names and maybe a little fun fact you’d like to share? :0

Oh my Goodness! Hello!

My day's just been Made thanks to this ask! Thank you! It was such a delight to wake up to. I had no idea anyone had any interest in this little story of mine!

I like to illustrate my ask answers, so here's a quick little thing for ya.

We can list them off!

1. The Puppeteer

Percival Greyson

This is the individual who is In Charge of the universe of Golden Antlers.

Most notably, he does not want his name to be known, and he has donned the title of The Puppeteer.

He is a Very Important individual in this world, and he created The Bartender.

2. The Bartender

Santiago

The Puppet to The Puppeteer. He is a living experiment. A puppet to tell stories and live its own life.

Santiago is his own person, but Never sees anyone. He is essentially alone in this universe. He occasionally goes to visit Valeria, but he prefers to stay alone in his bar after being abandoned by The Puppeteer.

3. The GOD

The Creator

This is the Creator of the universe of Golden Antlers. They are Never seen. Nobody knows they exist.

They created the Greyson siblings. They created the siblings as an experiment. The entirety of this universe is an experiment to them.

They simply want to see what will happen.

4. M.A.R.I.

Maintenance And Repair Identity

MARI is exactly what it stands for. It was designed for the purpose of maintaining the server room which The God resides in.

The God is far too large to get down there and repair them. MARI was designed to do exactly that. Nobody knows it exists either.

5. Valeria Greyson

Twin Older Sister to Percival Greyson. She is a collector of moments of time. She keeps them displayed in her assigned building to have physical memories of the timeline that they reside in.

She has a face as opposed to her White Void that you see depicted above, but she doesn't often wear it.

Technically there are no main characters, but to The Puppeteer, The Bartender was the main character up until a particular incident.

#demonicrhythms #my ocs 🫀 #my art 🫀 #Golden Antlers #answered asks 🫀 #asks #original character #original characters #Thank you so much for asking! #you dont know just how happy you made me #thank you for making my day 🥹🥺 #digital art #art

[kikimurphys]

Behind Closed Doors (Part 3)

Part 2 here.

Cillian paced the living room, his heart pounding in his chest. Tonight was the night he would tell Siobhan. Max was at a sleepover, providing a rare opportunity for an uninterrupted conversation. He had rehearsed the words a thousand times in his mind, but now that the moment was upon him, they seemed to slip through his fingers like sand.

Siobhan was in the kitchen, tidying up after dinner. The air between them had been tense for weeks, and Cillian knew that tonight's conversation would only add to the strain. He took a deep breath and walked into the kitchen, the sound of his footsteps drawing Siobhan's attention.

"Siobhan, we need to talk," he said, his voice steady but filled with underlying tension.

She looked up from the sink, her eyes narrowing slightly. "What is it now, Cillian? Another late night at work?"

"No," he replied, shaking his head. "This is serious. It's important."

Her expression shifted from irritation to curiosity, and she crossed her arms, waiting for him to continue.

He took another deep breath, steadying himself. "When we split up, I was seeing someone. It wasn't serious, but now… she's pregnant."

Siobhan’s face went pale, her eyes widening in shock. "What? Are you fucking kidding me?" she asked, her voice rising.

Cillian shook his head, his heart aching at the hurt in her eyes. "No. Her name is Y/N, we work together."

Siobhan's shock quickly turned to anger. "How could you do this to us, to Max?" she shouted, her voice shaking with fury. "You promised me you’d try to make this work!"

"I did try," Cillian said, his voice pleading. "But things weren't working between us, Siobhan. You know that. And Y/N… she wasn't planned, but she's important to me. And so is our child."

Siobhan's face contorted with rage. "Get out," she spat. "Pack your things and get out. I don't want you here."

Cillian stood there for a moment, absorbing the weight of her words. He nodded slowly, knowing there was no turning back now. He turned and walked to the bedroom, quickly packing a bag with essentials. As he zipped it up, he felt a strange sense of relief mingled with the overwhelming sadness of leaving his family behind. He was not in love with Siobhan anymore, but she was the mother of his son, and it killed him to know he had hurt her.

Two days had passed since you and Cillian shared lunch. Though you didn't want to admit it, you were hoping that Cillian would come to you. He had been texting you in the past few days, asking how you were feeling, and you had agreed to meet at the clinic tomorrow for your 18-week ultrasound.

Sitting in your kitchen, you were eating pickles straight from the jar. You had been craving them all day. As you ate, you felt a mix of anticipation and anxiety about seeing Cillian again. The tangy crunch of the pickles was oddly soothing, a small comfort in the midst of your swirling emotions about the future of your baby.

Your phone rang, pulling you from your thoughts. Seeing Cillian's name on the screen made your heart skip a beat. God, you felt like a teenager in love. You quickly answered, "Cillian?"

"Hey, Y/N," he said, his voice heavy with exhaustion.

"Did you tell her?" you asked, feeling a pang of guilt for even needing to ask.

"Yeah. I did," he replied, his voice strained.

"How did she take it?" you asked softly, already fearing the worst.

"She kicked me out," Cillian admitted.

"What are you going to do?" you worried.

He let out a tired sigh. "I gotta find a hotel."

Your heart ached for him. "It's late, Cill, you can stay here tonight. On the couch.” You cringed at how desperate you seemed.

"Oh no. Don't worry about me. I don't want to bother you," he said, though his voice betrayed a hint of uncertainty.

"It's no bother, really," you insisted, getting up from the kitchen stool. "I have plenty of space."

He hesitated. "I think I'll go to my brother's. It's probably better that way."

"Yeah, of course, it's probably better," you said, trying to keep the disappointment out of your voice as you placed the pickle jar back in the fridge. "The offer is there anyway. You know the code to get in."

"Thanks, Y/N," he said, his voice softening. "I appreciate it."

"Anytime," you replied. "See you tomorrow then?" A glimpse of hope in your voice.

"Yeah. See you there. Bye."

"Bye," you said before hanging up.

You sighed, flopping onto the couch. As much as you wanted Cillian to come to you, you understood that he needed time to process everything. You felt a deep sense of empathy for him, knowing how hard it must be to leave his family, even if things hadn't been right for a long time.

As you lay there, the fatigue of the day washed over you. Despite your worries, the thought of seeing Cillian tomorrow for the ultrasound brought a small, hopeful smile to your face. You knew the road ahead would be difficult, but for now, you let yourself drift off to sleep, wishing that Cillian would find his way to you, even though he must be hurting from the split with Siobhan.

As you closed your eyes, hands cradling your baby, your mind filled with visions of a future that seemed almost within reach. A life where you, Cillian, and the baby could be a family. You imagined Sunday mornings filled with laughter and the smell of pancakes, quiet nights curled up together on the couch, and the joy of watching your child grow up loved and cherished by both parents.

But the reality was complicated. Cillian's voice echoed in your mind, filled with the weight of his own turmoil. The image of Siobhan's hurt and anger played like a sad movie in the background of your thoughts. You understood the gravity of what he had to do, and you couldn't blame him for needing time.

Yet, as you lay there, you couldn't shake the feeling of hope that tomorrow's ultrasound would bring you closer together. Perhaps seeing the baby, the tangible proof of the life you were creating, would help solidify Cillian's place in this new chapter. You clung to that hope, letting it soothe you as you finally drifted off into a deep sleep, the sound of your heartbeat merging with the gentle rhythm of your dreams.

@mamawiggers1980 @xsweetcatastrophe

#cillian murphy #cillian murphy x you #cillian x reader #cillian x fem!reader #cillian fic #cillian murphy imagine #pregnant reader

[babeeangel]

i saw ur post asking for blue lock requests! what about fake dating with shidou? 💕

What Could Be

↬fake dating Shidou

Thank you for giving me a prompt ! I hope this satisfies u ! This is my first time actually writing for Shidou so prayin this isn’t ooc… And mainly i hope that you're okay with a series instead of a one shot...

This will be a multiple chapter story !! And i will post them whenever they are ready !! So please enjoy chapter one as i air my first "chapter" writing !! Yayyy 😎 Shidou x fem!manager!reader. Fake dating. 700w.

Chapter 1, Any Other Name

[no warnings]

It’s the first of the month and as every first of the month you receive your paycheck. It was your fourth one, meaning it had been four months since you started working at blue lock. You wish you could say you were a manager there, but your paycheck said otherwise. Assistant to auxiliary tasks. Yeah, that has a lesser of a ring to it. But still, you enjoyed your job, maybe because you got to be around cute boys all day, but mostly because it meant you could get away from your parents a bit. You had freshly graduated when you received a mysterious job offer, from an acquaintance of your former employer. You decided it could be a good idea to leave the family house to get some air. It was indeed ! Because you go to reinvent yourself, even make up a fake name 'cause you felt like it. So here you were Vivi.

Well you were Vivi to most people. Except for this stupid boy that always mockingly despised you, so much you weren't sure if it was a joke anymore. To Shidou, you were maid-vivi. As if the only task you did was cleaning. Well, he was kinda right but you would have never admitted it to him. You still had paperwork and PR work to do sometimes...

You took your paycheck and exited Ego's office. And as you made your way to your staff room (your personal bedroom if you may) you bumped into him, yet again. It seemed like your paths always crossed, you could swear you saw him more than your own reflection these days. “Maid-viviiii” he sang as he walked towards the cafeteria. “Shidou.” Suddenly a crazy thought came to you. You could blackmail him. And win money with it. Obviously you wouldn't extort it out of him, but more at the situation. You grinned. When was it you became evil ? 

“Are you holding up well ?” You turned around before he was too far away. He stopped and turned around too, to see your face. You could see his incomprehension at your concerned face. “What do you mean, maid vivi ? I’m always well, and I recovered perfectly from yesterday's match as a U-20, as I always do”. You wanted to mock him so badly: “even though you lost ?”. But you said instead: “Oh.. So you haven't seen then ?” God you started feeling bad for being this machiavellian. “People online, they found out about, you know… You swinging that way. I’m sorry they outed you to everyone this way. But worry not Shidou, I'll still treat you the same as I am actually an ally to ga–" "I’M NOT GAY !”. Damn he got started fast. Perfect. “WHO THE FUCK SAID THAT”. “Uhm, netizens, but as I said every sexuality is fine and–”. “I’m not a fucking gay ! I respect them obviously but I'm not like… Like them !” He was still shouting. “Oh… they lied then ? But they showed old tweets you had on your profile and–” “Impossible, I’ve never done anything like that. I swear i will find these fuckers and make them pay”. “Well they can pay all they want but now everyone knows- uh i mean thinks you’re a homosexual”. “Why do you put it that way ?! Pfff I need to prove ‘em I'm not. Maybe if i retweet hetero porn it’ll convinc–”. “Ooh i don’t think you need to go that far”. As you said the sentence, another lightbulb appeared and lit in your head. This whole prank –cause yeah it was a prank, no netizens ever found any tweet– was solely to piss him off. But now you could get something else out of it. “I think dating a girl would be enough. Good luck on finding someone while you live here 24/7 tho. Anyway I need to go now ! Good luck !”. Both these sentences were not complete lies. “Fuck…” you heard him hiss down low as you left. 

What did you get out of this crazy man stunt ? The satisfaction of seeing him suffer AND something that will most likely bring new audiences to Blue Lock TV. BLTV had already started unbeknownst to the boys. If Shidou, one of the most populars contestants, had a girlfriend, it would create new drama that’d bring a new audience. And you being the start of that would most likely mean a raise ! Double homicide. 

That was your ideal without actually thinking things through. Because who was the only girl Shidou could turn to, while living here 247 as you said ? Yup. 

[ y o u ]

A/N: AHH I NEVER MEAN FOR THIS TO BE A SERIES ??!!! but it just came naturally... This will be a new exercise so I'm actually keen to see how it goes, how i'll do !! Also i forced myself to be concise cause i always do the longessttt (almost annoying i feel like) writings so i hope it's still comprehensible. FEEDBACK IS SO GREATLY APPRECIATED !!! hehe love u, u reading this...

#blue lock x reader #blue lock #blue lock headcanons #bluelock #bllk x reader #blue lock imagines #shidou ryusei #shidou ryuusei x reader #bllk shidou #shidou x reader #shidou ryuusei imagine #shidou

[ye-xiu]

The curtain rises, watch me, awakening within the splendor.

230404 ♡ #TAEMINisback

#taemin #lee taemin #shinee #dailyshinee #shineeinc #taeminedit #secondgenidol #dailysmtown #userjinki #aleksbestie #useroro #usersrin #usermolly #ocora #userzaynab #jadeblr #annietrack #*gifs #I MADE IT I LIVE TO SEE THE DAY OH MY GOD

[end-orfino]

ahhhhhh i remember why i dont read comics & books and watch movies as much as I should. Because they make me lose it

#i get suddenly hit with a tsunami of inspiration and an urgency to Make Something #but the urgency isn't about the process of making it's about I Have Stories To Present Too. I have to See Them Realized. #and that hit of urgency is obviously far too short lived to make anything. esp since it comes in a set with a feeling of 'wow this- #-thing was so great' that transforms into intensified perfectionism of No No What Im Doing Here Isnt Good. What Is This. Disgrace- #-to my idea AND to what inspired it AND to my self proclaimed status as an amateur storyteller #which turns into artblock. so like low chances that ill even get a singular good drawing made during this #and the multiple comic or script or whatever ideas that appear in my head during this are out of the question entirely #oh and all of this appears next to the normal feelings caused by a good story like attachment to the characters and having to process it- #-for a while and if its very good then even sometimes rarely i get the need to make fanart #so all of this combined just leads to me not being able to do anything for a while and feeling awful about it. #fun./sar #i wish i was a normal artist people here are so resilient and do stuff even though they dont want to or they DO want to #because idk they enjoy being pissed bcs of a thing not turning out right and they dont mind how tedious it can get- #-and they enjoy sacrificing hours&days&months of their lives without a guarantee that anyone will appreciate it accordingly and itll pay of #its probably the resilience though #im weak like a dried twig both mentally and physically #this sounds like i never enjoyed drawing&writing ever. and to clarify thats far from true. i frequently enjoy it #just never frequently enough and consistently enough to actually make something more 'worthwhile' or linear #it's like a wind that comes & goes that i have no control over. #i try to keep telling myself that in the past i struggled to make anything 'bigger'....& know i even made animatic shitposts #this sounds so stupid god. an animatic shitpost being an achievement. #its not an art skill achievement its a fighting tooth and nail with my own self to actually finish it because its a struggle almost every- #-time achievement #what im saying is im trying to tell myself that i already improved. im doing more than i could have done in the past. #even if the process is so slow and i dont know when ill advance again #if ill advance again. i just gotta believe i guess? thank u parappa

[angeloftrumpets]

i think about this picture a LOT

EDIT: WARNING I JUST INFODUMP IN THE TAGS IM SORRY ???

#when i used to work at burgerking the parking lot literally looked like that and it would be dark and I NEVER STOPPED THINKING ABOUT THIS #the two weeks i worked at burgerking is hwen i made like. my weird au related to genesis apocryphon #duudeeee #when i first found out about it i lost my mind because i came up with my whole concept of be.ginner bible tapes traumatizing someone to a #point where they have a horrible fear of angels and gab. is like Hm... this is gonna be Really Funny and teaches some 20 year old about the #universe #but ends up being a good thing ? ? #< i havent gotten far to the au i still am processing how they would interact with eachother upon first meeting #i have to say my absolute favorite scene in man.dela is gab and dave like ? ??!!?!? I SAW IT LIVE LIKE WHEN IT WAS PREMERING AND I LOVEEE #VOL 4 ITS SOO GOOOD #i never really talk about this anymore but for a bit of last year i hardcore kinned si/x and like oh my god #dadtruder being CANON made me so happy because i was fighting for my LIFE to other mand/ela fans i know and NONE OF THEM AGREED WITH ME #i rewatched vo/l 4 with like 5 different people the day it came out i am not kidding #my initial getting into the series was really strange #it all started by seeing someone in an avatar of him in vr chat ?? but like a long time before that i saw someone who did this AMAZING #FANART OF HIM and when i staw it i just Stared at it for an Hour. #but there was someone in a del/taru/ne world on v/rchat and i just stared with autistic eyes i wanted to ask for the avi so bad but i was #way to anxious BC IT WAS LIKE. REALLY TALL. OKAY. #i used to run around in a backroo/ms world as si/x and gab it was truly a time #whenever soemone makes a toonie avi in vrchat its OVER I HAVE THE NAME ON THERE im so proud #im so sad i couldnt get it on discord it puts me in anguish when i think about it #but YEA i have been typing for like idk how long and im so sorry for the tag spam if you read through this i hope you have a wonderful day #or night ^ u ^ !!

[fabulouslygaybean]

i am once again overwhelmed by love for humans as a whole

#just. fuck #oh my god. oh my god. i love humans. i love humans and i love life and i love that i get to be a part of it #it sucks sometimes and there are awful terrible things that happen and im not going to deny any of that #but just. im thinking about all the strangers who've ever been kind to me and im overwhelmed with love #the girl ive never seen before who grabbed me to dance during my last homecoming with the biggest smile on her face #the kid who taught me where to dig for clay in a lake when i was 8 who told me he loved me when i said i had to leave #the stranger at the last show i went to who held onto my shoulder as we jumped and yelled and laughed together #the little girl who came into my workplace today that told me with the most starstruck face that she liked my hair #the older lady who helped me pick up all my things after i dropped them in a park after an incredibly hard day #the trio of teenage boys who played with me on the playground for hours one evening when i was 6 because they saw i was lonely #the random man who bought me the snack i tried to put it back when i realized i didn't have enough money for it #the teen girls who chased off some guy who tried to kick my head in and then ran back to hold my hands and make sure i was okay #fuck. i love people. i love human beings so much. #i love being alive and im so so glad i made it past middle school even though i thought i wouldn't #i get to look at sunsets and sunrises and i get to pet dogs and i get to wade around in lakes and pools and ponds #i get to hug and hold people and i get to laugh so hard my stomach hurts and i get to yell and scream in happiness #i get to eat good food and listen to good music and i get to run and jump and dance #i get to see beautiful things and i get to watch strangers live their lives around me and i get to be a part of it all #it's amazing!!! fuck!!!! i get to be a part of it all!!!!! #i love being alive and i love that ive made it this far #i don't know what the future holds but im just so glad im even here at all #sorry about the long sappy ramble and i know this probably looks weird but i could not care less #im just overwhelmed with love for everything

[upsidedowngrass]

reading your and jaspers posts about bryce with silent admiration because im too scared to contribute but i really love bryce so much hes my girlfriend and my husband and i like hearing u guys talk about him because youre Right. especially as someone who struggled from grief and trauma and being abused i think bryce's case interests me more than any of the other characters (even though liam is my favorite, and it says a lot because i find all of them interesting) because there is so much to him. i doubt he has processed a single thing about what happened. i think stellas death was recent too honestly, within the last few years at least, and he copes by... not coping. burying himself in work and drinking in the hopes to forget about it. not even to mention the fact that in episode 7 it showed him driving home drunk personally i feel he was past the point of caring to the point of engaging in risky/dangerous behaviors (this speaks for itself, i dont think i need to say why). i think that the plane impacted him so much that within those 7 months after leaving he got his shit together. i cant speak for if hes totally sober or not but at the very least he doesn't drink as much as he used to and i doubt he's putting himself in danger anymore. to be honest i think bryce is one of the characters who has changed the most because of the plane, which makes him being rejoined all the more interesting to me. im probably just making shit up but i like to read into it a little more than "bryce and liam were getting along but now theyre separated and liam has to fix it oh no". sorry this ask is kind of word vomit im not in the headspace to tidy it up but i hope you get what i mean

i think if one had continued for longer than it did it would have been interesting to explore bryce finally accepting and coming to terms with his past (him not seeing his childhood home in the wr anymore kind of representing this). i love bryce and he deserves to heal

TY!!!!!!! im glad my thoughts warrant admiration to you :D!!!!!!!!!!! (i will say tho that every time uve ever posted YOURE thoughts i am like ohhhhh.... ur SO RIGHT. i think u have some of the BEST interpretations of the one characters ive seen!!!!!)

(talked SOOO so much .so there is a readmore :) )

brcye really IS such an interesting character???? ik ive said it before but i AM biased towards protagonists so i usually focus on liam but like ...... bryce really IS probably one of the more. indepth ? characters in one in terms of like. background and how he Acts. i think ALL of teh characters are written really incredibly but i think, given how much of his bg is clarified (esp in contrast with how little is shown of the other characters lives pre-one) his motives, personality, emotions all end up being SUPER super elaborate and i REALLY love how he was written ??

(that said i think the reason he IS elaborated on sm is bc like. one doesnt elaborate on character backgrounds like MOST of the time. even charlotte is mostly left up to interpretation, bc one is more about the HOW people respond rather than WHAT made them respond that way. but charlotte and bryce are both outliers, and bryce ESPECIALLY so. because both obviously have Things they havent worked through properly, but bryce is directly just. Living in it. its the fact that he WONT acknowledge the actual Things that hapepned enough to heal that warrants the elaboration. while the other characters stop acknowledging ANYTHING about their lives , save for charlotte, who gradually works out her issues themselves, because THATS whats effecting her, bryce is CONSTANTLY just. he Needs to go back, but his problems ARE about what happened, and the fact that his life outside of the plane was what MATTERED to him, but that even then, he just Wouldnt acknowledge that life when he Needed to. idk if that makes sense but ohhh i think about the decision to elaborate on some characters and to not on others bc it feels Important)

hes so. he mirrors all of the contestants in some ways, but he mirrors amelia a LOT in that both of them respond to trauma by Setting It Aside. like That Trauma Cant Affect Me If I Dont Look At It. like. ur right bryce has NOT processed ANY of his trauma. which like it makes SENSE bc. it prob feels so much easier to him to not think about it by drinking instead, because its a Lot to think about. its a Lot to come to terms with. but bc he WONT acknowledge it but its still AFFECTING him he just gets More and More miserable (the detail about him driving home drunk and not even caring is so. :( )

what IS one of the most. compelling? aspects of his character to me is the way he responded to Everything after getting eliminated. bc it just feels So Real. because he IS healing, not completely, and not in the best way, but he clearly like. started putting SO much work into improving his life??? (the detail of him finally getting an end table for his bed instead of just... using a cardboard box ALWAYS gets to me. and that + the fact that the photo of stella is put up makes it seem like. THATS what was in that box. he LITERALLY started Unpacking thigns. its like poetry to me.) because it IS hard, and i think hes still putting things to the side, shoving the trauma from the plane to the side now instead of all his other grief and trauma. and the removal of the cans from his room yknow?? that hes getting up for work on time now?? its like. yeah i agree idk if hes necessarily SOBER yet but he really does seem like hes working really hard

its not perfect, but its BETTER and it feels. correct?? (and tbh? trying to brush off the plane as a dream isnt even teh worst thing he couldve done with that, i think, bc reasonably what WAS he supposed to do w that experience?? i dont think there WAS a good answer) bc the plane was a whole new kind of trauma. and i think surface level, one would THINK hed get WORSE after further trauma but like. i think he DID in some ways but in the ways that actually affected how he acknowledged and responded to his pre-existing trauma DID get better bc, as he puts it, hed Thrown his life away before, and didnt want to do it again. bc this time, he very well couldve died. and while he was on the plane, being home, on earth was SO much better than the plane, and it recontextualized Everything. hell, maybe after that, the earth finally felt Less daunting, like somewhere he Wanted to be, because for once, he WANTED to be back, and rationalizing That and the fact that he got Lucky, that something Worse couldve just full on Killed Him Forever really DID mean he didnt WANT the worse to come, at least not as much as before. but that meant he HAD to start actually Working on improving things, and i think he may not have Intended to acknowledge Worse things, but simply because the things he had to do to improve his life, like drinking less, making his house more Livable, they all Forced him to think about things More. hes still certainly not thinking about them as much as he Should, hes still not Processing things, but hes Heading in the right direction . he really was SO changed by ONE

and then liam showing up forces him, once again, to think about something he tried to push to the side. aaaaaaaandd then he rejoins and its so. it feels thematically fitting and IS so so SO interessting. because for once in his life hes REALLY facing his trauma head on. but then is brought straight back into it. and i need to think about that aspect more bc those thoughts are a bit less Focused than my other thoughts but given how complex his writing is after he gets OUT, its. SO interesting to think about how being BACK affects him

esp bc like. him starting ep 18 Pissed Off- which historically his responses to trauma are to either just Be Shocked, as depicted a LOT in ep 14, or to get Very Vocally pissed, as shown through the first half of s1, esp ep 6, and ep 11, and ep 13, and ep 18. ive seen it written as 'he doesnt have anywhere to direct the sheer amnt of STRESS and fear so he just. ends up yelling at people bc what else CAN he do' and i think thats?? probably fairly accurate. i dont think hes as Constantly Irritable and Irrationally Angry as fanon presents him , bc it tends to be. excessive. but he DOES get reasonably angry in response to stress !!! i always think abt how his body language in the 'credits' scene of ep 6 look like hes yelling at airy. and im. lays on the ground. i dont even know if thats ever as much 'just anger' as it is Fear and it FUCKS ME UP

but the way i see it, that ties to ep 18 a LOT. because he was really Getting better. hell, what he thought was the WORST that could happen HAPPENED (dying) but he. came out OKAY? its like he was being forced to think about and work through his trauma and he survived and was ok. but being sent back is like. 'oh god i did that all for nothing.' but i think it also sort of?? serves as the Last Push for him to really, REALLY acknowledge the plane (which is why it makes sense so thematically for him to be the rejoiner. he WAS the only contestant whod Chosen to ignore it all. but that has nothing to do with the plane, he cant choose if the plane ignores Him.) past talking about its affects, how its affected people. because after everything hed worked toward, hes Back. hes back, and everyone else is STILL HERE. liam had said they were all still There but seeing them there is a whole other thing. hed SEEN the effects of making it out after 7 months. but he never saw what it was like to still BE there after all that time. and bryce CARES about them (fanon sometimes treats him as if he is a bit. coldhearted? but i think people misattribute him being unhappy with liam as him not caring. i think the problem is that he maybe cares too much, and was affected a LOT, but didnt and doesnt know how to handle that. so he WANTS to ignore it, because it was all he could do, and haaving to backtrack on his haphazard healing from the plane is. highly daunting and uncommfortable and terrifying. thats not being cold though, thats VERY different) and now he HAS to acknowledge Everything, has to be a part of it Again. and i think its a combination of 'liam was here for 7 months after we all thought itd only be a few weeks. Anything could happen. who knows how long ill be here for?' and 'liam didnt have anything when he came back. will I have anything when i come back?? will i have worked so, so hard to heal and fix my life for Nothing?' and 'i dont WANT to be here again.' and 'oh my god all of them Really Really Are Here. Theyve been here the whole time.' and i think all that culminates in an appropriate amount of horror, and that prompts him to do what hes STARTED doing, which was All He Can. and hes pissed off cus hes terrified, so he spurs everyone into pulling out the plug. and then. it doesnt work. it doesnt work and thats the LAST of what he had, and i think iirc hes the LAST one to close his eyes afterwards. because hed BEEN off the plane, hes the one of them who had any hope to give them anymore. and it didnt work

(i also think a lot about how it mustve felt seeing the contestants all so. resigned. because bryce was like that before all this, but ever since one began he was stubborn, and didnt WANT to give up. and i think finding out that these people youd seen try so, so hard just to Handle Any Of This be SO resigned would be. so fucked up. he knew amelia when she was so determined to leave, and while charlotte seems a bit saddened by her resignation, bryce was there BEFORE that happened. he wasnt there like liam or charlotte was to see it gradually develop, and to develop that despair alongside them. all hes seen is that amelia was so determined. and that he may not have known her THAT well before, he knows shes different. he knows she Gave Up and like. GOD. and also i think abt how he mustve Felt seeing the plug for the first time because ehs the only one of them who hadnt seen it before (given its likely all the other characters had, since they casually refer to it). and given the short time frame between him getting there, and the contestants trying to pull the plug? it almost seems that that was like. the last straw. and ive never posted it but i once drew stuff abt it bc. the damage to it is noticable. and i think hes already aware liam was fucked up, but this is like. a tangible, permanent record of that on the plane. and he cares about liam, and has been grappling with all the things liams told him, but thats. thats something he can See. And i think it all of it culminates in him deciding that what hes been avoiding is doing Soemthing about all this, because before he couldnt, and then it was. an awful idea to, and then he didnt have many choices BUT to help. but now theres hardly anything to do, but he has to try. he doesnt want to give up. and it makes me soooooooooooooooooo. head in hands.)

anyway that was a LONG tangent the point is. YEAH. i think rejoining would be. very very significant for his character i dont think youre making shit up its DEFINENTLY a topic w a lot of things to discuss about it

but god. yeah it wouldve been SO nice to see him come to terms with everything hed been through before one. i think the show purposefully included what it did and ended when it did because it makes more sense thematically for it to go unresolved, because the point was that NOTHING was able to be resolved nicely because unfortunately, many things are Out Of Their Control. things COULDVE resolved almost perfect but enough things went wrong at just the right (or more fitting, wrong) time for all of that to not work. i think him no longer seeing the suburbs may have signalled more that maybe, just maybe, he could Do something to help the other contestants even if HE was Dead, that now he finally HAS a goal, if that makes sense (though i think even in the timeline of the series it still wouldve taken way longer for him to process everything Fully, they WERE only in the waiting room for probably about a day) but the idea of finally seeing the waiting room as it is bc hed finally worked through everything .... man.............. man

ik ive already said it though but i DO think it is sooooo so possible for him to heal post canon. im a firm believer that no matter what, at LEAST bryce and ameliaa get home (liam and charlotte have more room for error but i DO generally interpret the ending as them both getting home too, theres just less room for things to go wrong w amelia and bryce). and i think after everything? hed be able to heal. it would SUCK but i think hes, shockingly, in a better place Logistically for things to improve, because he has a support system, he has what hed already worked on in those 7 months, he has so much to aim for. it would be rough and take long but i think ultimately? hed be able to heal :) and its what he deserves

#ask #got SO rambly in this answer . this ask made me think SO MUCH #man tho. the theme of people responding to Trauma in one is legitimately so. #it feels so significant and i think it was done SO well #like. fun fact but ep 6 was what REALLY sold me on the show when i first watched it #which SOUNDS morbid but it was the post credits scene that Got me #because it jsut. sounded so much like how trauma is discussed irl. when liam like #says 'i was riding home on my bike when it happened' i remember i was so. Ohhh My God #bc i was. oh this show is just. having characters naturally respond to and discuss trauma #like it wasnt just an element of the series anymore it clicked that the show was developing a literary THEME and it made me sooooo emotiona #like it esp hit hard bc . discussing trauma is a LOT and seeing them Talk Abt It like that hit me so hard. #and to this day that scene is just so. emotionally impactful #AND sidenote its so. at that pt in the series nothing has been Revealed abt bryces life before one #but the fact that hed Been Through Shit Before makes the scene feel so important. #because bryce has been through a LOT of trauma already. and bc of that? of course hes the one talking to liam. because he *gets it.* #of course he talks about it so naturally. he may not have really worked through anything but he KNOWS this #and whether or not liams been through stuff before doesnt matter here. because this isnt something he knows how to live through #but bryce has experience with living through things. hes the only one able and willing to talk eith liam through it because he Gets it #and it makes me so. AUUUGHGG #alcohol #ask to tag #(also as silly as it is liam abruptly cutting the convo off to talk abt the grass is like. yeah. yeah #emotional convos with friends abt trauma can very often end abruptly for completely unrelated reasons #at least in my exp #which is prob bc eventually theres nothing TO say bc the topic sorta. speaks for itself?? and that feels like what happened in their convo #though i think liam prob ALSO mentions it bc. id imagine its unnerving to notice . like this place would just FEEL so abnormal #and it was prob on his mind bc the two of them were already talking abt fucked up things about the plane #and its a small detail but. a detail about the plane nonetheless)

[loud-whistling-yes]

I get a lot of "omg you're so nice and non-judgemental you're such a good friend" and "omg dude you're way too nice to this asshole they should not be your friend" from irl friends and family and I don't know how to say this but uh, if you had friends like I had when I was a preteen you learn to count your blessings real fucking quickly and stop being choosy on who you befriend. The bar is six feet under by now if they don't encourage the entire class to boycott me it's a win.

#fweeet #my mom was appalled at the amount of... questionable friends i have these days and this came to me #look some of the friends i had when i was 10-12 included: #2 different girls who on seperate occasions forbade me to eat lunch with anyone else because they got jealous #a group of kids who lowkey for some reason were really into touching eachothers butts?????????????? #a girl who made constant sex jokes as a 10 year old and once wrote a story where i got... uh... #two girls who got into an argument so heated they exchange kys notes #THIS BASTARD OF A KID who tore my lunchbox in half and laughed at my face #(also the only person in my lifetime who found a way to bully me in my spine brace with... #lets just say its very painful and i hate being pinched now) #OH MY GOD THE LIST NEVER ENDS #THIS ISNT EVEN INCLUDING YE GRAND MIGHTY YANDERE MOTHERFUCKER SUPREME #THE ASSHOLE WHO HAS MADE QUITE LITERALLY A THIRD OF MY LIFE A LIVING HELL #anyways people ask me why i can stand so many 'fake' people and assholes nowadays especially if theyre my friends #and you see #at some point in life ive learned to think to myself Hey at the end of all things at least im not being actively doxxed on youtube again #mom i understand your concern but i have to unfortunately inform you my current friends are probably the sanest people ive ever met in life

[myketheartista]

on my knees, crying, pleading, shaking my head and slapping the floor: please god, please stop putting really soft and cute jonmartin art on my twitter feed, i’m so weak and incurable, i’m trying to stay sane in these trying times, i don’t think i can take another picture of them hugging, i can’t stand how jon is so small in martin’s arms LEAVE ME ALOOOOONE

#myke speaks #can you tell i’m going through it #this is like the typical instance of entering a fandom and consuming the content #and then u see two characters oh go oh huh they could be cute together they seem a lil fruity #and you go days and days without looking at fanart or fics or anything bc of spoilers but #THEN MARTIN WALKS IN WITH NO PANTS ON AND JON IS LIKE HEY BUD PUT SOME FUCKING TROUSERS ON IF UR GONNA LIVE HERE #AND IM SUPPOSED TO STAY SILENT IN MY HOBBIT HOLE ABOUT HOW THAT MADE ME FEEL??? #LISTEN IM TRYING TO STAY NORMAL ABOUT THESE TWO IM TRYING TO KEEP MY MIND ON A LEASH SO IT DOESNT SEE EVERYTHING AS SHIP MATERIAL #BUT ITS REAL DAMN HARD WHEN MARTIN AND JON ARE STANDING RIGHT THERE ABOUT TO HOLD HANDS OKAY???? #weeps into my hands #oh god oh GOD i’m ILL #the tma gates opened and i walked in to browse the books and all i came across was jonmartin art and i knew the hole i was falling down #IT WAS A TRAP IT WAS LITERALLY A TRAP #me frozen against a wall: i lost the game i lost before i even started playing im in hell #shakes my finger haha but we aren’t gonna talk about martin and jon bein stuck together in those last few episodes okay? okay.

[urbanfiltered]

i cannot stop talking huh

#oh man #finally saw my favorite band live yday but then spent today teary and in despair #the come down from all that adrenaline was so ROUGH i feel so empty and sad #like don’t get me wrong it was like a top 10 night for me i will never forget #the lead singer & i got to chat and exchange jewelry after the show and like afterwards i was full body trembling like a chihuahua like #i’ve never loved life more #but now everything feels so grey and unsatisfactory #ugh!!!!!!!! #i’m TIRED of it grandpa i’m tired of constantly planning enrichment activities for myself so i don’t leap off a building!!!!!! #also i thoufht i wss going to do a lot of wholesome hobby stuff once i moved out #like start drawing and writing and reading again and perhaps even picking back up instruments and stuff #but instead i have to schedule social interactions constantly back to back to back bc i cannot stand being alone #but then conversely when the stars aligned and my friend’s lease was ending and i wss up for transfer i was like no #i can’t do it i love being alone actually #a roommate would probably be good for my brain but at the same time i’be spent the past two years bouncing in between #stifling living conditions that never gave me my own space so now i do have to sit here and fiercely remind myself that i NEED this #anyways one ray of positivity is that i made a soup today and oh my god it is so delicious #my second soup i’ve made in this apartment and i do consider myself a culinary genius of just this genre #it’s just annoying that this is the only day this entire week that i blocked out to make myself sit in my apartment and not see anybody #but yet i’m still fiending for at least a phone call and hoping a friend texts spontaneously #i’ve been running back to back between my friends and i was like ahhhh ok i finally get a day to relax #but i do think it was a bad idea to place it right after the show bc i DEFINITELY needed company today #half the time i didn’t even know why i was crying