#I am never gonna be the same after 407 | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

theplaguebeast · 4 years

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Watching Game of Thrones is a Form of Self Harm

AKA ALL MY GAME OF THRONES LIVEBLOG POSTS

101 + 102: oh man i forgot dany gettin fkin raped is in the first ep man they really set the tone for this shitshow early

103: “War was easier than daughters” BRO YOU HAVEN’T PAID ATTENTION TO HER INTERESTS IN FIVE YEARS NO WONDER SHE’S DIFFICULT

104: Baelish: *literally tells Ned he’s untrustworthy* Ned: *trusts him anyways*

105: Bobby just threatened to take away the job Ned didn’t even want like that was gonna make him not quit lol what a dumbass

106: every time viserys speaks there’s a muppet superimposing on him in my mind going 'i aM tHe DrAgOn!’

107: Joff after being king for .5 seconds: KILL THEM ALL

108: Drogo: *promises to rape, kill, pillage, and plunder* Drogo: *does these things* Dany: *surprised pikachu meme*

109: Robb ‘We’ve basically accomplished nothing’ Stark

110: hey Dany doesn't even have dragons yet and she's burning someone alive as punishment so uhm people were surprised when this continued?

201: Robb ‘I want to rescue my sisters but holy shit, politics’ Stark

202: Theon ‘I think i’m much more important than i really am’ Greyjoy

203: Renly desperately trying to consummate his marriage like ‘i’m too fucking gay for this fuuuuuuck’

204: Littlefinger popping up in Cat’s life like ‘so your husband’s dead can we bone maybe?’ and gets surprised she pulls a knife on him

205: Theon ‘I want dad’s approval so i’m gonna stab my brother in the back’ Greyjoy

206: Jon ‘I can definitely kill a pretty girl, I swear it’ Snow

207: you know nothing jon snow is first used in reference to fucking and SHE’S RIGHT

208: Yara ‘you’re a fucking moron, brother’ Greyjoy

209: i love that tyrion getting his nose chopped off with an axe turns into a delicate slice that knocks him out

210: Robb ‘u let the kingslayer go u can’t tell me it’s dumb to marry a rando when i’m promised to another’ Stark

301: Tyrion ‘oh my god there’s a thin line running across my face i’m a MONSTER’ Lannister

302: Loras is fkin RUDE yo

303: Podrick ‘the whores won’t take my money’ Payne

304: Dany’s acquisition of the Unsullied proves she’s 100% willing to do a bad faith deal like

305: Jaime full on sexually harassing Brienne here like an asshole

306: T^T POOR FUCKING ROS MY BABY

307: BRONN CALLING TYRION OUT ON HIS WANTING TO FUCK A VERY TALL 13YR OLD GO BRONN

308: Olenna poking fun at how fucked the tyrell-lannister family tree is bout to get with all these weddings what a boss

309: awww how sweet jon’s learning to stand up to peer pressure

310: Jon ‘u said u loved me you’ll never hurt me RIGHT?’ Snow; Jon ‘shot full of arrows’ Snow

401: Oberyn is #triggered by the lannister song

402: w00t joff’s fukkin ded m8

403: Stannis ‘blood magic is fine but I WON’T BUY AN ARMY’ Baratheon

404: poor pious little tommen didn’t stand a chance against a tyrell on a mission (also, s’fuckin creepy aight she’s bein predatory af and no one ever seems to call it out bc she’s, yanno, female)

405: HODOR

406: HEY LOOK DANY IT LOOKS LIKE INDISCRIMINATE VIOLENCE MAKES PEOPLE MAD AT YOU WHODA THOUGHT

407: Petyr ‘you could’ve been my child but i still kissed you full on the mouth’ Baelish

408: Baelish acting like it’s some big secret he wants to fuck Sansa, talking to her like she’s too dumb to know the man who KISSED HER FULL ON THE MOUTH wants under her skirts, what a cocky shit

409: hi Ghost (where, uhm, where tf has he been?)

410: grabby hands, popping outta the snow, LIKE DAISIES

501: Danaerys ‘my dragons are my children but since they’re not listening to me i’m gonna lock em in a dungeon and then get surprised when they’re upset with me’ Targaryan

502: man brienne just keeps getting character assassinated by everyone in fkin westeros poor gal

503: Janos ‘I DIDN’T VOTE FOR YOU’ Slynt

504: Sansa’s last Big Mistake: when LF says ‘do you believe me’ and she goes ‘yeah sure’

505: a good mother disciplines her children BITCH THAT’S NOT WHAT YOU DID YOU JUST SHOVED THEM IN A HOLE, NOT EVEN THE ONE THAT ACTUALLY DID THE THING YOU’RE UPSET ABOUT

506: OH NO. OH NO. OH NO.

507: Cersei’s like ‘my son loves his wife where did i go wrong?’

508: ’killing and politics aren’t always the same thing’ THE FACT SOMEONE NEEDS TO TELL HER THAT

509: Hizdahr zo Loraq is like ‘bitch do you know ANYthing about the culture you’re trying to destroy?’ (the answer is no)

510: Stannis: *sacrifices his own daughter on a fire* The Men: *desert* Stannis: *shocked pikachu meme*

601: Up to their chests in ice water mfers gonna get the hypothermia

602: HI JON U HAV A NICE NAP?

603: Tormond ‘your dick’s not big enough for you to be a god’ Giantsbane

604: For someone so good at peeling people Ramsay can’t peel a fuckin apple for shit

605:

606: *compulsively humming along with the theme song*

607: HI SANDOR! I bet u had a VERY nice nap huh

608: Stealing Lem’s boots after hanging him, what a power move

609: Jon ‘I want to die’ Snow

610: RIP Pycelle, Margaery, Loras, Mace, Kevan, Lancel, High Sparrow, a bunch of Faith Militant, and like 100 various members of the court (and random peasants outside, too); also Septa Unella (the bitch), and Precious Tommen; ALSO Walder Frey and uhm like 30-40 other Freys?

701: Jon, derisively: And how should I be smarter? By listening to you?

702: Everyone: DON’T GO SOUTH JON SNOW Jon: I’m gonna go south.

703: Jon, with the ‘who even ARE you?’ is his most legit moment since he came back from the dead

704: Dany: Wat do i do Jon: DO NOT BURN PEOPLE, ANYTHING BUT THAT

705: ”I’m not beheading them” BECAUSE BURNING THEM IS BETTER??????

706: Using your +1 Flaming Longsword to cauterize a wound

707: Everyone: Jonathan, PLEASE LEARN TO FUCKING LIE

801: Dany: Whatever they want. Me: OH SO MORE CHILDREN THEN??

802: HEY DANY REMEMBER A WHILE AGO WHEN YOU SAID IT WAS COOL FOR THE KINGDOMS TO ASK FOR THEIR INDEPENDENCE? NO? ah, okay :\

803: THE CRYPTS WERE A MISTAKE

804: Murderuncle roadtrip 2.0

805: RIP QYBRUN I REALLY LIKED YOU, YOU CREEPY LITTLE SHIT

806: genuinely surprised tyrion’s not already on fire

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artificialqueens · 5 years

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so in love with simple things (branjie) - holtzmanns

A late night snack excursion and running through the summer rain like nothing else matters, not really.

AN: Did I write this instead of applying for jobs like I should be doing? Yes. I regret nothing. For writ, who wanted some softness and instead got whatever this is. Thank you bean for betaing and being the best. Title from ‘Free Spirit’ by Khalid.

Vanessa’s sure that the grin on Brooke’s face, the one all spread across his features and crinkling at his eyes when he opens the door mirrors the one on his own.

“Hey,” Brooke says.

“Hey yourself.”

“What brings you here?” Brooke leans against the doorway, clad in sweats like every other single day on the road. At least he fucking bought a new pair - Vanessa had been ready to do it himself if Brooke hadn’t.

Vanessa shrugs at his question. “I’m hungry.”

He’s not that hungry. He just needs an excuse to spend time with him.

Brooke sees right through it, by the glint in his eye. Doesn’t care, apparently, as he grabs his wallet from the hotel room bedside table. Ignores the clock that reads 2:42 am.

“Snack run?”

“Now that’s what I’m talking about, bitch.”

It’s like they can read each other’s minds. Would this be considered a Nicholas Sparks movie moment? Probably not. But still. It’s nice.

Their hands brush each others’ as easy as breathing. It shouldn’t feel so natural, so simple, the way Brooke’s hand squeezes his as they cross at an empty intersection.

It’s like no time has passed at all.

Except that it has.

That’s for Vanessa to turn over in his mind another day. Not tonight, when they’re in a dingy 24-hour convenience store and grabbing stupidly sugary snacks that will definitely give both of them a headache.

Tour feels strangely easy, strangely right. Vanessa had thought that they’d be doing an intricate dance around each other the entire time, avoiding the feelings and pain and longing and fucking pining that he knows he’s been experiencing, at least.

But they’ve never been that way. Not ever.

Not after they first broke up, when they ended up back in each other’s beds after only a week. Not after their season premiered, when rare nights in hotel rooms felt like heaven. Not after the reunion, with their baggage and their hearts ripped clean open for the world to see, to comment on. Not when they sought comfort in each other, the only other person who could understand.

So, it makes sense. Touring and ending up beside each other on the bus, borrowing eyeshadow palettes and wigs and jewelry in the dressing room to wear a piece of the other. Hamming it up on stage for the screaming fans and laughing along because it’s a joke; it’s their schtick. Or so they let everyone think.

Vanessa looks at him when he thinks he’s not paying attention and sometimes he swears that he catches Brooke glimpsing his way, too.

He lets out a grunt while attempting to balance the bags in his grip as they walk back, filled with pop and chips and candy and all the shit that neither of them should be eating. Hell, they can pass it off to Silky and A’keria. It don’t matter. He looks up at Brooke, whose arms are similarly full. He’s already cracked open a Red Bull, and the bob of his Adam’s apple when he takes a sip is enough to make Vanessa want to look away.

The obnoxious neon glow of the hotel sign is visible from blocks away as they walk, a beacon that’s pulling them not only back to tour, but back to each other. It crackles under the dark sky, illuminating the street in purples and pinks as it blinks on and off, the bulbs from the 90s that sit inside close to burning out, never to be fixed again.

The only thing that shines brighter is the tendril of lightning that illuminates the sky, the crack of thunder following loud enough to make both of them jump, look at each other.

“We didn’t bring an umb-”

The rain falls hard and fast. “Shit!”

Vanessa’s yell makes Brooke cackle, grab onto his hand in response and tug on his arm, breaking into a run. Vanessa’s about to drop the bags but he doesn’t care, not when their shoes are soaked and their hair is wet and their clothes are sticking to their bodies like they just fucking rode Splash Mountain, cause it’s so much fun. It’s like he’s twelve again, when he ran home from the bus stop without the raincoat or umbrella that his ma has yelled to take with him that same morning.

Who needs protection from the rain, anyway? Not gonna kill you. Not like other things can.

He’s always loved it. Tampa’s humid as hell, the stuffiness of the air all heavy and moist but not quite refreshing. The occasional rain had always felt like a fucking cleanse back then, more so than showers ever did.

And now, as they reach the hotel in breathless laughter and shaky hands that can’t quite open the side door of the building with their keycards, he feels clean.

Brooke’s room comes before his, in the hallway. 407. His 412 lies ten steps farther, three doors down and on the other wall, facing Brooke’s. It feels ten steps too far.

Brooke pushes the key card into the door, gets the green light. Opens it. Doesn’t go in.

He turns towards Vanessa, instead, when the blast of air conditioner sends shivers through both of their bodies. Their soaked clothing now feels heavy, like cold sheets of ice that burn the skin.

“We can eat some of this stuff together?” Brooke phrases it like a question as he lifts a bag up, the tentativeness a contrast from him in the daytime. All self assured and unbothered and shit.

Vanessa feels the smile on his face. It’s obnoxious, really, the way Brooke’s strange quirks are so fucking endearing. At least, to him. No one else ever seems affected.

“Yeah sure, why not.” As if he wasn’t jumping on saying yes in the first place.

So Brooke holds the door open for Vanessa and he ducks under his arm as he enters, dropping the bags on the table. Brooke shakes out his soaking wet curls the way that Vanessa’s dog does, droplets peppering nearby surfaces. He then tugs off his shirt with complete disregard for Vanessa’s feelings, really, not noticing the way that Vanessa can’t keep his eyes from roaming along the ripple of his back muscles as he tosses the shirt on top of one of his suitcases.

Or maybe he does notice. Maybe he’s doing it on purpose.

Vanessa’s always been too weak to resist a response.

Brooke still has his sweatpants on when he turns to Vanessa, head cocked sideways just a little bit as he stands in the bathroom door. “You don’t want to stay all soaking from the rain, do you?”

“What are you playing at?” He’s gonna make Brooke spell it out. Doesn’t wanna assume shit the way he always does.

Brooke turns on the shower in response, looks at him with those stupid blue eyes as the bathroom mirror starts to steam up.

Oh, what the hell. Why not. It’s already almost three. Might as well get no sleep at all.

So he tugs off his shirt too, catches the way Brooke’s eyes linger.

Nice to know it’s not just him.

Well, he knows. But he needs the reassurance sometimes. That it’s not one sided.

From the way that Brooke tugs on his pants, his boxers, pulls him into the cramped shower, it can’t be.

Brooke dots his back with kisses in the shower, nips which will make his skin bloom into constellations by the next morning. He doesn’t have it in him right now to stop it from happening. Brooke is warm and thaws Vanessa from the inside out when he leans his head forward for a second, resting it on Vanessa’s shoulder.

Brooke tugs the shampoo bottle out of Vanessa’s hand when he goes to grab it, instead opening it himself and lathering up a bit in his hands. Vanessa can’t help but let out a noise when Brooke massages his scalp, fingers in soft circles through his hair that make him close his eyes and lean into the touch.

Vanessa grabs the bottle again when it’s his turn, building up bubbles in his hands but then Brooke is too fucking tall, he can’t reach. Skyscraper. He can’t help but pout when Brooke lets out a laugh, especially when going on his tiptoes doesn’t make him tall enough to reach the top of his hair either.

Brooke takes pity on him, leans against the wall and crouches down. Much better.

Brooke’s curls have darkened under the water, all weighed down and flopping on his forehead. Vanessa brushes them away from his eyes, watches Brooke let out a little hum as the bubbles roll down his shoulders, down his body, down the drain.

They have nights where they don’t talk, can’t talk about it. Where the only way they can get their messages across to each other is through quick fucks and bruising touches that leave ghostly imprints on their skin that they try and ignore in the morning. Those nights always leave Vanessa feeling worse off, trying to grasp at something that he feels is slipping out of his fingers, disappearing fast. He pushes extra hard during the performances that follow such nights, letting the resulting sore muscles and gasps for breath distract him, make him aware of sensations other than the one in his heart that won’t stop thinking about Brooke.

This night feels different. Maybe it’s because it’s nearly 4 am (thank fuck they don’t have a show the next day, nowhere to be, no call time) and they’re both holding back yawns while they dry off, but when they’re done and Brooke gestures to his bed, Vanessa follows.

Neither of them stay the night, most of the time. It’s easier that way, helps to separate the satisfaction of their physical needs from the cracks in their hearts that so desperately want to be fixed. But climbing into Brooke’s bed, curling into his side when an arm is wrapped around his torso feels so fucking easy, snacks long forgotten on the table. Makes him wonder why they haven’t been doing it the whole time, broken hearts be damned.

Vanessa feels the rise and fall of Brooke’s chest underneath his fingers, the way that it grows deeper with every breath. It matches his own, the synchronicity making it feel like they’re on the same wavelength, for once.

It feels right. Like where they should have been the whole time.

He’s not sure if he’s dreaming when he feels the ghost of a kiss brush against the top of his head - could be his own mind making things up, not that he’d admit how much he wants it to be real. But then Brooke’s arm around him squeezes his side gently, pulls him in closer until they’re both defrosting the icicles that have been lanced through both of their chests.

Maybe it’s the late time (fucking crack of dawn), the exhaustion from travelling between cities and not staying long enough to remember their names. But falling asleep with Brooke’s arm around him, legs slotted between his like gears that fit together perfectly makes his heart calm down, feel safe. Feel appreciated.

Feel loved.

#rpdr fanfiction #brooke lynn hytes #vanessa vanjie mateo #branjie #s11 tour #canon compliant #fluff #not really angst #holtzmanns

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ashleygren · 5 years

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The last of my Aus (for now) part 2

Ok only ten left so I can talk about them more. Personally out of all the underdeveloped ones I like these ten quite a bit. I'll probably say the pairings for a couple of these stories just because I don't have to list as many of them. Without further ado lets start.

Classics zoo Au- I have like a couple classic novels (like alice in wonderland, Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, etc) and wanted a universe where the bbs bios were some of these characters interacting with eachother. The list goes as follows.

Vanoss/Dorian Gray

Delirious/peter pan

Nogla/cowardly lion

Miniladd/cheshire cat

Wildcat/Dorothy

Terroriser/the queen of hearts

Moo/wicked witch (of the west)

Basically/tin man

407/scarecrow

Panda/glinda

Cartoonz/mad hatter

Ohm/Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde

Squirrel/dormouse

Gorillaphent/march hare

Lui/the wizard

Smitty/alice

Kryoz/frankenstien's monster

Pairings-

Kritty

The main plot of this au would center around the country of Oz and Wonderland in a cold war type of situation. The main character is Smitty and its gen/rom. If you watched marcels yellow brick road fortnite challenge you'll see why certain bois are certain characters.

Poco's udon world Au- ok this one needs some explaining. If you haven't seen poco's udon world its about this workaholic dude who comes back to his hometown to seytle his dead fathers affairs and he ends up taking care of a baby tanuki demon that can look lile a human. Its very cute and emotional and it you haven't watched it I totally reccomend it. Anyway I really wanted a story where some of the guys suddenly have to take care of children of various ages that aren't human. I'll list the names of the guys affected but nothing about thier demon kids.

Vanoss

Delirious

Wildcat

Panda

Ohm

Squirrel

There are no pairings because I wanted it to focus on how they would react to taking care of children.

Soul eater Au- the events of this au are happening years after the events of the soul eater anime/manga so while characters from it might make camoes or be referenced they aren't part of the plot. I will be changing a few things from the canon of the soul eater universe to make this au work but I'm hoping it doesn't feel alien to people who know the original material. The main character is ohm and it is rom/gen rated (theres not many pairings but they play a big role). I won't say anything about the main pairing (other than its a three way relationship).

Pairings-

BasicallyIdowildcat

Oc pairings

Minx and her wife (minor pairing)

Tokyo Mew Mew Au- in a previous list I mentioned that I changed the uniforms for the sailor moon au because I kept them the same in a different one, well this is that one. I'm keeping the magical girl outfits the same with minor color/shape changes and changing alot of the names (of the guys and thier attacks) the main character of this story is moo because if anyone deserves to be a cat magical girl its him (when I was thinking of this au I wasn't sure if I should keep him a cat or change it, but I fell in love with the idea because of nightfox's and jhanyartist's art of neko moo) its romantic rated. If you want to get an idea of what they will look like in this au look up the anime and you'll get a pretty good idea.

Wicked/Demonick Au- I'm a big fan of musical theatre I love the stories, the songs, some of the messages so its no surprise that when I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack while working on another au I thought of this one. The main character is cartoonz as elphaba and its gen rated (there is a main pairing but if you've heard the play it doesn't impact the story till near the end).

Pairings-

Mootoonz

Ohmlirious

Steven universe Au- I was actually really hesitant to try and work on this au because I saw someone else on Tumblr (I don't remwmber who) make one and it looked really cool. I thought they could do a way better job at it than I could, but then I thought eh people write stories based on the same prompt all the time and it works because they make it thier own unique thing and i can do the same. I won't write down who's who but the main character is Marcel. Its gen/rom rated.

These four next Aus were actually some of the first ones I thought of.

HaniHaki Au- I'm gonna list the bois and let you make your own conclusions.

Vanoss/patient

Delirious/patient

Nogla/patient

Basically/doctor

407/patient

Panda/normal

Terroriser/patient

Moo/doctor

Ohm/normal

Squirrel/patient

Cartoonz/normal

Gorillaphent/doctor

Miniladd/nurse

Bryce/normal

Wildcat/nurse

Lui/normal

This idea actually has a lot fleshed out and I want to start making an outline for it. It just never feels like the right time too tho. I'm still gonna try though because its feeled with angst and fluff and I love that stuff.

Trapped in the can Au- the name says what it is. I haven't worked on this one very much. Hopefully i get in the mood to at some point.

Pairings-

Vanogla

Pandacat

Daycare Au- ok so i did see that someone else made an Au called the daycare au so I will be changing the make but it still takes place mostly at a daycare. Its a very cute idea exploring the different types of family that exist.

Pairings- (none of these pairings involve small children and one of the pairings is a teen/teen ship)

Ohmtoonz

BasicallyIdo407

Rich and famous Au- basically if some of these guys weren't youtube celebrities but instead different kinds (actors, singers, etc)

Pairings-

Tyvan

BasicallyIdoH2o

Miniriser (this one will be changed because of the current real life tension between these two I just haven't decided how yet)

We've finally reached the end of the entire list and I couldn't be happier. I will be working on multiple Aus more frequently now so that no new ones pop up. Hopefully I can start adding more to the ready to be written pile amd make progress on the two stories being written right now (I am actually making progress on EF Angel and sleeping beauty chapter 7)

#bbs #bbs squad #I'm finally free from the Aus #now to actually write them #whats that saying?#jumping from the fire into hell?#something like that

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softspideys · 7 years

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Fire Alarm (Peter Parker x reader)

summary: you accidentally set off the fire alarm. peter takes the blame. fluffiness ensues.

warnings: none

prompt: “it’s 3am, in the dead of winter, some motherfucker pulled/set off the fire alarm ... I’m the fucker who set off the fire alarm with my awful cooking” mashup from this list

word count: 2.1k

pairings: peter parker x reader

a/n: this was another anonymous request!!! and i am not exaggerating when i say that i LIVE!!! AND!!! BREATHE!!! for college aus!!!! hope you enjoy:)

It was three in the morning and the fire alarm was going off. And not even just the one in your dorm room; the screeching seemed to come from everywhere. You blinked groggily and wondered if maybe this was just some sort of weird dream.

But you could hear people outside your dorm room running up and down the hallways, yelling to each other as their footsteps thundered on the floor. Everything began to soak in as you grew more and more awake. “Oh, shit.” You got up, swinging your legs out of bed. Your roommate was gone for the night, so you put on some shoes and grabbed your keys before you ran into the hallway as the noise grew louder and louder.

Your RA was directing everybody down the stairs. “Don’t use the elevator! Use the stairs!” she cried. She noticed you and gave you a push. “Let’s go!”

“What’s going on?” you asked.

“There’s a fire!” she exclaimed, although you’d pretty much worked that out for yourself by now. You were hoping for some better details, but she gave you another push and you reluctantly started walking with everyone else.

You descended the stairs and made it safely out of the building and onto the sidewalk, which was still full of people despite the hour. You recognized other residents of your building standing around; some were dressed in their pajamas while others looked like they were just about to go out.

You found yourself standing next to two guys you vaguely recognized from floor meetings. The three of you nodded at each other somewhat awkwardly before focusing your attention back on the building. A gust of cold wind blew by, making you shiver.

“Fuck, it’s freezing,” you hissed to no one in particular, rubbing your arms. It was the middle of November, when the days were cold and the nights were even colder.

“Here,” a voice said. You glanced over and saw one of the boys was peeling off his sweatshirt, leaving him in just a gray t-shirt and pajama bottoms.

You felt your cheeks involuntarily redden. “Oh no, I’m okay. I don’t wanna take your jacket.”

“No, really,” he insisted, brandishing it at you. “You’re in just a—I don’t mind, seriously.” He nodded to your tank top and pajama shorts.

“Thanks,” you muttered, pulling the sweatshirt over your head. It was warm and soft on the inside, and smelled of fresh detergent.

“I’m Peter, by the way,” he said. “And that’s Ned.” His friend leaned over and waved.

“Nice to meet you. I’m Y/N,” you introduced yourself. “Sucks about the fire alarm, huh?”

“Totally,” Peter agreed, and Ned nodded.

“What room are you guys in?” you asked.

“435.”

“Oh. I’m 407. That’s probably why I’ve never really seen you.”

“Yeah, I’d have remembered,” Peter said, before his eyes widened. “I just meant—we know pretty much everyone on our end of the hall, so—so I would’ve known if you lived down there—not that you’re not—”

“Dude,” Ned advised. “Stop talking.” To you, he said, “Pretty girls make him nervous.”

“Oh,” you said, amused and also kind of endeared. “Should I go somewhere else, then?”

“No!” Peter said quickly. “Gotta face my fear at some point, right?”

You laughed. “Smooth.” Another cool gust of wind blew by and you clutched his sweatshirt tighter around you. “Jeez, how much longer are we gonna have to wait out here?”

“Has anyone called the fire department?” a girl nearby asked.

“Is there even a fire?” a boy demanded.

“I don’t even see smoke,” Ned said, scanning the windows of the building.

The fire department pulled up shortly after and did a full inspection of your building, only to come out and announce that there was no real threat, just a typical case of badly burned food that had set the smoke alarms off. “We found this,” one held up a tray of what appeared to be about a dozen black rocks, “in the communal kitchen. Looks like someone was trying to make some cookies and forgot they were in the oven.”

Your stared at the tray in horror. “Oh God.”

Peter looked at you. “What?”

“Those—those are my cookies,” you whispered, feeling sick to your stomach.

“Those are your cookies?”

“I—I was bored and hungry so I put some in the oven but then I got tired and fell asleep while the last batch was baking and—oh my God, everyone is gonna kill me.” You glanced around at your peers; yep, everyone looked pretty pissed at being forced out of their beds because of some cookies.

“We know no one is going to come forward and accept the blame,” the fireman continued, “but just in case, if you do, you will not be punished.”

“Yeah, not by the fire department,” a boy near you muttered. “But I can’t guarantee I won’t kick their ass myself.” The people he was standing with laughed.

“God, what kind of idiot forgets about their food in the oven? We could’ve died,” another girl was saying to her friends, who all nodded solemnly.

You bit your lip, trying to force back the tears that were threatening to spill from your eyes. You knew you should speak up, but you also knew that everyone was going to hate you for the rest of the year if you did. Which was worse, being hated or having to live with the guilt?

Before you could make your decision, a voice said, “Those are my cookies.” You turned your head so fast you almost got whiplash.

Next to you, Peter was raising his hand, a determined look on his face. “What are you doing?” Ned mumbled. Peter ignored him.

“These are yours?” the fireman asked skeptically.

“Yeah, they are. I wanted a midnight snack but I fell asleep while they were baking. I’m really sorry everyone.” He flashed a sheepish grin, and you watched as the angry looks on everyone’s faces slowly disappeared.

“Damn it, Parker,” a guy called. “Don’t be such a dumbass next time.”

Peter saluted. “You got it.”

The firemen handed Peter the tray of burnt cookies and warned him to be more careful next time before they left. That was it: no punishment, no consequences. Everyone began to file back inside, but you stayed where you were, gaping up at him. “I can’t believe—why did you do that?” you asked. “You don’t even know me.”

He shrugged. “It’s no big deal. You seemed upset.”

“No one’s even mad at you,” you said in disbelief. “Why is nobody mad at you?”

“No one can be mad at Peter,” Ned answered as the three of you started walking to your building. “It’s like being mad at a Golden Retriever.”

“Thanks,” Peter said dryly. “But yeah, I guess people have trouble staying angry with me. It’s almost like a superpower of sorts.”

“So what, you just use this power to help random people all the time?”

“No, you were my test run,” he said cheerfully. “Good thing it worked.”

You stared up at him as he held the door for you. You were no longer looking at some random guy on your floor who’d saved your ass—you felt like you were looking at a superhero, a king, a god, even.

“How can I make this up to you?” you asked as you climbed the stairs.

“You could keep better track of your cookies,” Ned said, only half-joking. You made a face at him.

Peter shook his head. “It’s no big deal, honestly.”

You climbed to your floor and made it to your room. Peter and Ned had to walk past you to get to their own, so you turned and waved as you unlocked your door. “Thank you, Peter Parker,” you called gratefully. “Seriously.”

He smiled at you, his cheeks turning a little pink. “Don’t mention it.”

You’d never admit this to anyone, but after you shut the door behind you, you leaned against it and sighed just like a lovestruck protagonist in a teen rom-com. And then you cursed yourself for being such an idiot and embarrassing yourself in front of a cute guy.

He didn’t seem weirded out by you, though, and he had voluntarily taken the blame for the fire alarm incident. But still. You groaned and covered your face with your hands. Of course that had to be the first impression you made: a forgetful idiot who baked cookies at three in the morning for fun.

You were exhausted, so you just decided to go to bed and hopefully everything would end up being a bad dream. It was only when you climbed back into bed and snuggled under your covers that you realized you were still wearing his sweatshirt.

________

The next morning, you gathered up the cookies you had that weren’t burnt, put them on a paper plate, and nervously left your room and went down the hall. You also carried Peter’s sweatshirt, which you’d carefully folded.

“435, 435,” you mumbled to yourself as you walked down the hall. You came to a stop at room 435 and stood there, trying to give yourself a pep talk. It was just a boy. A dorky boy at that. A dorky boy who yes, had saved your ass the previous night, but was a boy all the same. This was fine.

You took a deep breath and knocked. A few seconds later, the door swung open to reveal a very shirtless Peter Parker.

“Oh!” you both said at the same time.

“I’m so sorry, I thought you were Ned—”

“No, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have—”

“I guess that’s why there’s a peephole, I should’ve looked, fuck I’m so sorry—”

“I just wanted to properly say thank you, I didn’t realize that—”

The two of you spoke over each other and then abruptly stopped at the same time, both of your faces turning redder by the second. “Just—give me one second,” Peter squeaked finally. You nodded, trying not to stare at his surprisingly nice body, and he shut the door.

Jesus. What was with this dude? Why couldn’t he just be a regular douche-y college boy? Why did he have to be so friendly and cute and endearingly awkward?

Peter opened the door a minute later, this time wearing a t-shirt. “Um, I’m really sorry about that. Ned went to some group study session this morning and I thought you were him.”

“That’s okay,” you said quickly. “I, uh, I’m sorry if I woke you up.”

“No, you didn’t! I was awake already.”

The fact that Peter slept shirtless did not do much to relax you. You swallowed. “Um, well, I just wanted to return your sweatshirt. And give you these,” you brandished the plate of cookies at him, “to say thank you for saving me from being persecuted by the entire building. And for giving me your sweatshirt. And for not hating me when you found out I was the reason you were standing in the cold at three in the morning.”

“Oh!” Peter accepted the plate and the sweatshirt. “I thought you burnt your cookies?”

“That was the last batch. I made two more before them,” you said, embarrassed.

He took a bite of one and his eyes widened. “Whoa, these are so good. Are they homemade?”

“No,” you said with a small laugh. “They’re the slice and bake kind. Tollhouse, I think?”

“Aw, man. You should’ve lied to me; I was ready to accept that you were some kind of pro baker.”

“Not a pro baker,” you said, shaking your head. “Pro idiot, maybe.”

“What do you mean?”

“Uh, did you forget about the disaster that was last night?” you asked, raising your eyebrows.

He furrowed his eyebrows. “You’re calling yourself an idiot because of that?”

“You wouldn’t?”

“No.” He shook his head. “You accidentally set off the fire alarm, so what?”

“Yeah, so what?” you said sarcastically. “Easy for you to say. I doubt you’ve ever made a complete fool of yourself in front of someone you thought was cute.” The last part of the sentence came out before you could stop yourself, and you felt your eyes widen.

Peter stared at you, his eyes equally huge, before he said quietly, “I just did, though. A few minutes ago.”

It took you a few seconds to realize what he was saying, but when you did, you felt a shy smile creep onto your face. “Oh.”

Peter smiled back and opened his door a little wider. “Do you—would you maybe want to come in?”

“Yeah,” you said, and it might’ve been a little too enthusiastic but for once, you didn’t care. “I’d love to.” You went inside and he shut the door behind you.

It was no surprise when you were still there two hours later, sitting on his bed, sharing the cookies, and discussing your theories on Star Wars and time travel and anything you could think of, really.

But seriously, how it took another hour to finally get to making out was truly beyond you.

748 notes · View notes

katrinapavela · 6 years

Text

Is Rowan Trying to Bring Olivia Back to the Light, or Irrevocably Shutter Her in Darkness? #Scandal

Let me start by saying that I have a well-known history of not seeing it for Rowan, since 301. I didn’t even wanna write this because it seems boringly obvious to me (and other folks who see through this man’s behaviour), and I just want it to be over. I’m tired, even more than Olivia seems to be. I never bought into the idea back then that this man was trying to help save his daughter from destruction and danger brought about by Fitz. That he was going to extraordinary lengths, and showing “tough love” like a strong, black father.

The short version: Rowan is an abusive person. He has been an abusive person since we met him through Jake. Abusers always need the abused more than the abused need them. Without an object to play games with, the abuser doesn’t really exist. His “games” have gotten more and more intense over the seasons, switching tactics and acts like the shapeshifter he is. Rowan is trying to complete the process of eliminating Olivia’s chewy centre (her soul, her humanity) by eradicating ties to those for whom she has the greatest vulnerability. Except him. Fitz and Quinn have been used tactically this way. The ultimate point is for Olivia to have nothing and no one but Rowan (”You never choose one of them over me” (407); “If I have to choose between [my father] and you [Fitz]; you will lose” (611). Rowan sees Olivia as his only connection to humanity. Jake is just another “son” he created. Olivia is “[his], [his] child, the thing [he] made” (310). Everyone needs someone. Rowan’s soul is lost. He can’t have a genuine relationship with anyone. So he’s compelling Olivia, through control, manipulation and domination, to be that someone instead of working for it.

The reasoned version:

Y’all want me to believe that Rowan is simply a stern father who sees Olivia’s potential, and is practicing ‘tough love’, so that she can be the “championed” he raised? That Rowan has been transformed by his encounters with Ponytail and Peus? That Rowan is the old, feeble, victim now?

Y’all can forever and a day miss me with that messed up psychology. I have too many receipts listing the ways in which that kind of thinking is fucked up. The moment Rowan became an active presence (seen or unseen) in Olivia’s life, the level of death, destruction and alienation has increased, not decreased. I cannot think of a single thing Rowan has done for his daughter that did not require she give him something in return. That’s the definition of transactional, not family. Anyway, let me get to it.

HELL NO ROWAN IS NOT TRYING TO SAVE OLIVIA!

It makes no sense. Every single time Rowan has intervened in Olivia’s life, it has been to his primary benefit, which he manipulates her into thinking is also to her benefit (hold on to that because it’s relevant). Think about it. Can you name a single parental, altruistic thing he’s done for her? Even paying her goddamn student loans, before she knew he was Command, required her to report for weekly Sunday dinners in exchange (302).

Rowan: “People are predictable. Unchanging. Monotonous. They use the same language. They offer the same excuses. They make the same mistakes. People are endlessly disappointing because you hope they won’t be…” (413, “No More Blood”)

There is no way on god’s green earth that Shonda could write anything that would justify the levels of abuse Rowan has perpetrated directly upon Olivia himself, and through his prostitutes, Jake and Russell. I’m not gonna bother to list them all because it’s too great. Plus, Olivia, in her 707 monologue to Rowan, already alluded to the ways in which he has destroyed her life so that she is almost unrecognizable to herself.

But what is it that Rowan ultimately wants from Olivia? Why does he keep doing this?

Olivia actually said it best herself, in 409:

Olivia: “You’re not leaving. You’re never leaving. You can never leave me alone because you have no place to go. The only life you have is the sad, twisted one you built here. The one where you lurk in the shadows, pull puppet strings and pretend the world couldn’t exist without you. You can’t disappear, become a normal person because, dad: you are not normal. You’re a sick, lonely man who only knows how to lie and call it love.”

Maybe that hot truth she spat reaffirmed to him why he needed to let the kidnapping happen to her.

Because every word above is true. In fact, we can say Olivia has inhabited some of that ow, too. Change is a verb. I haven’t seen Rowan change anything, except the act he puts on in order to manipulate, people. Case in point: the dialogue @Jarmstrong05 on Twitter dug up.

Rowan did that because he wanted Olivia to run B6-13. Why the fuck would Rowan want Fitz’s soft ass heart to run B6-13? That was just another manipulation of Olitz love, just as Rowan’s trip to Vermont. Rowan started cultivating Fitz as an asset the moment he was on house arrest in the White House, in 6B. Rowan knows that if he went about convincing Olivia to be Command directly, Olivia would run back to Zanzibar. Just like he knew not to directly suggest she take on Mellie’s campaign, but instead created the circumstances to point Olivia in that direction.

/Pause for the cause:

(I am seriously wondering if he promised Mellie that Olivia would make her president in exchange for Mellie letting Tom out of prison, too (506). Because what incentive would she have to let Tom out? Mellie is thirsty for domination, short-sighted, and is too busy wanting to be the mammoth who gets the glory, so that she doesn’t see the stronger mastodon running circles around her)

pause for the cause\

But why wouldn’t Rowan just want to run B6-13 himself? Is he just trying to take it back from her?

Rowan switched up his tactics when Olivia was with Fitz in S5. He started cultivating her as daddy’s girl, instead of the usual “against me, you will lose” adversarial rhetoric he used with her in S3-4. Allow her to think you are both on the same side, and you get what you want from her more quickly. In fact, Olivia has been making the transformation to Rowena after 509. It is in 510 that we see the colour red premier (rowan means red).

If he tried to run B6-13 as Command Olivia would make it her mission as CoS to fighting him. Low key, Rowan has already been running B6-13 indirectly, by using Jake to undermine Liv’s decisions and go behind her back. Jake is a tin man with no brain of his own. He needs orders from someone, a mission. Like, I’m sure Olivia doesn’t know Lucy is B6-13. Rowan has basically allowed Olivia to borrow power (that’s the real ‘something borrowed’), and think that she was controlling the world. It’s easier than fighting her. If Rowan took back direct control, against Olivia’s wishes, she would dedicate Mellie’s whole administration to fighting him, which is tiresome for us and Olivia, but not Rowan:

Huck:“I never considered it before. But, yeah, you were made. Just like us. By him. Why wouldn't you have a guy? ... No. You don't have a guy. You don't need one. You have your father. He is your guy, and he is always out. And you really do need him, because as long as he is by your side, nothing you do seems bad in comparison. Your guy is always out, and he is the biggest, hungriest monster on the loosest leash in the world. ... A monster does not change. A monster is always hungry. Do you not understand that when the monster gets hungry, he will turn around and eat you?”

What I think Rowan has been doing this season, is cementing Olivia as both his replacement, and his permanent companion, until he dies. Rowan is trying to eat Olivia this season. His consumption of her keeps him alive. It’s either she dies or he dies. You already know the option for which I have advocated for 4 seasons now.

Rowan: “You are like looking into the window of my past. You are me. No matter how much I tried, all I could create was me. There is a reckoning coming for you, Olivia. You think you have it under control. You think you have all the power buttoned up inside you behind your eyes, lighting you up. But one day you'll glance into a mirror, and you will discover that some of that power is missing. The lights are going out. Then? You'll have some difficult decisions to make. Do I want that power back? Who am I willing to hurt to get it? Now I can say this because I know You cannot have it all, Olivia.” (701, “Watch Me”)

Rowan doesn’t make predictions. He engineers them. Of course she never had it under control because with him around, she will never be in command of her life. As long as she thinks life is defined in the parameters her father as given her. Of course she can’t have it all, because he never did.

Wait, so why did he try to get Fitz to save her?

lmaoo, Rowan doesn’t give a good goddamn about Olivia’s soul. He’s been trying to make it as black as his. The performance Rowan gives depends on his audience. He told us (and Jake) as much in 406. He needed Fitz to come back to DC in order to test Olivia’s chewy centre. Referring to Fitz as “son” (703, 704) and instructing him on how to “lure her into a cage” (704) all indicate Rowan’s cultivation of Fitz as a deputized B6-13 prostitute. That tactic would never work because Fitz has a genuine connection with Olivia and doesn’t need B6-13 tools. In any case, Olivia eventually passed the test and sent Fitz packing. (I can now see in her own way that she wanted him gone so he wouldn’t be used against her, and so that she can keep up her bad bitch facade. It’s harder around people who actually see you as a person, not just what you can do for them)

When Olivia tried to punish Rowan by taking away his livelihood, something he genuinely enjoyed (his BONES!!!!!!!), he was done playing. You don’t take Rowan’s things. He has a transactional relationship with everyone. Olivia took Annie, so Quinn now gets taken. A person like that is not tethered to reality (which is why Maya laughed incredulously when Olivia told her what Rowan did). Rowan doesn’t need to actually kill Quinn to achieve his goals. He needed to test Olivia's centre. From Olivia’s reaction to those gun shots, her time as Command is dead, to me. When QPA connect’s Quinn’s abduction (I know there are a lot of parallels with her and Olivia, but that’s another post), Olivia’s relationship with them is as good as done (Rowan hopes). Fitz and QPA are the last real connections Olivia has, even though she’s treated them shittily since becoming CoS and Command.

Lessons from the Alternate Universe episode (610)

(does anything I’ve written above make sense?)

Rowan’s influence goes back to the Defiance decision. The AU showed us the contrast in Olivia’s life when her father was not in it (and, by extension, Jake). She had more agency. She smiled. She loved her work AND her friends. She actually stayed and tried in her relationship with Fitz. She was in Command of her life, it wasn’t in command of her. So, in what world would the man who brought darkness into this girl’s life be the one to save her? Change is a verb, and I have seen no action from Rowan. And I need to seem some action from Olivia in the opposite direction. Otherwise, she will be eaten alive by the monster under her nose.

Some of this might be

So y’all tell me.

What do you guys think is going on?

#Scandal #it was only supposed to be a paragraph #i'm sorry #Olivia pope #Rowan pope #bastard

63 notes · View notes

old-stellar · 7 years

Note

I NEED TO KNOW HOW TO WAKE UP INSIDE! I CAN'T WAKE UP SEND HELP!

Bee movie script KIDOUYUUTO SEP 16TH, 2013 71,831 NEVERrawdownloadreport58.50 KB1. Bee Movie Script 2.  3.  4.  5. According to all known laws 6. of aviation, 7.  8.  9. there is no way a bee 10. should be able to fly. 11.  12.  13. Its wings are too small to get 14. its fat little body off the ground. 15.  16.  17. The bee, of course, flies anyway 18.  19.  20. because bees don't care 21. what humans think is impossible. 22.  23.  24. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. 25. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. 26.  27.  28. Ooh, black and yellow! 29. Let's shake it up a little. 30.  31.  32. Barry! Breakfast is ready! 33.  34.  35. Ooming! 36.  37.  38. Hang on a second. 39.  40.  41. Hello? 42.  43.  44. - Barry? 45. - Adam? 46.  47.  48. - Oan you believe this is happening? 49. - I can't. I'll pick you up. 50.  51.  52. Looking sharp. 53.  54.  55. Use the stairs. Your father 56. paid good money for those. 57.  58.  59. Sorry. I'm excited. 60.  61.  62. Here's the graduate. 63. We're very proud of you, son. 64.  65.  66. A perfect report card, all B's. 67.  68.  69. Very proud. 70.  71.  72. Ma! I got a thing going here. 73.  74.  75. - You got lint on your fuzz. 76. - Ow! That's me! 77.  78.  79. - Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. 80. - Bye! 81.  82.  83. Barry, I told you, 84. stop flying in the house! 85.  86.  87. - Hey, Adam. 88. - Hey, Barry. 89.  90.  91. - Is that fuzz gel? 92. - A little. Special day, graduation. 93.  94.  95. Never thought I'd make it. 96.  97.  98. Three days grade school, 99. three days high school. 100.  101.  102. Those were awkward. 103.  104.  105. Three days college. I'm glad I took 106. a day and hitchhiked around the hive. 107.  108.  109. You did come back different. 110.  111.  112. - Hi, Barry. 113. - Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. 114.  115.  116. - Hear about Frankie? 117. - Yeah. 118.  119.  120. - You going to the funeral? 121. - No, I'm not going. 122.  123.  124. Everybody knows, 125. sting someone, you die. 126.  127.  128. Don't waste it on a squirrel. 129. Such a hothead. 130.  131.  132. I guess he could have 133. just gotten out of the way. 134.  135.  136. I love this incorporating 137. an amusement park into our day. 138.  139.  140. That's why we don't need vacations. 141.  142.  143. Boy, quite a bit of pomp... 144. under the circumstances. 145.  146.  147. - Well, Adam, today we are men. 148. - We are! 149.  150.  151. - Bee-men. 152. - Amen! 153.  154.  155. Hallelujah! 156.  157.  158. Students, faculty, distinguished bees, 159.  160.  161. please welcome Dean Buzzwell. 162.  163.  164. Welcome, New Hive Oity 165. graduating class of... 166.  167.  168. ...9:15. 169.  170.  171. That concludes our ceremonies. 172.  173.  174. And begins your career 175. at Honex Industries! 176.  177.  178. Will we pick ourjob today? 179.  180.  181. I heard it's just orientation. 182.  183.  184. Heads up! Here we go. 185.  186.  187. Keep your hands and antennas 188. inside the tram at all times. 189.  190.  191. - Wonder what it'll be like? 192. - A little scary. 193.  194.  195. Welcome to Honex, 196. a division of Honesco 197.  198.  199. and a part of the Hexagon Group. 200.  201.  202. This is it! 203.  204.  205. Wow. 206.  207.  208. Wow. 209.  210.  211. We know that you, as a bee, 212. have worked your whole life 213.  214.  215. to get to the point where you 216. can work for your whole life. 217.  218.  219. Honey begins when our valiant Pollen 220. Jocks bring the nectar to the hive. 221.  222.  223. Our top-secret formula 224.  225.  226. is automatically color-corrected, 227. scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured 228.  229.  230. into this soothing sweet syrup 231.  232.  233. with its distinctive 234. golden glow you know as... 235.  236.  237. Honey! 238.  239.  240. - That girl was hot. 241. - She's my cousin! 242.  243.  244. - She is? 245. - Yes, we're all cousins. 246.  247.  248. - Right. You're right. 249. - At Honex, we constantly strive 250.  251.  252. to improve every aspect 253. of bee existence. 254.  255.  256. These bees are stress-testing 257. a new helmet technology. 258.  259.  260. - What do you think he makes? 261. - Not enough. 262.  263.  264. Here we have our latest advancement, 265. the Krelman. 266.  267.  268. - What does that do? 269. - Oatches that little strand of honey 270.  271.  272. that hangs after you pour it. 273. Saves us millions. 274.  275.  276. Oan anyone work on the Krelman? 277.  278.  279. Of course. Most bee jobs are 280. small ones. But bees know 281.  282.  283. that every small job, 284. if it's done well, means a lot. 285.  286.  287. But choose carefully 288.  289.  290. because you'll stay in the job 291. you pick for the rest of your life. 292.  293.  294. The same job the rest of your life? 295. I didn't know that. 296.  297.  298. What's the difference? 299.  300.  301. You'll be happy to know that bees, 302. as a species, haven't had one day off 303.  304.  305. in 27 million years. 306.  307.  308. So you'll just work us to death? 309.  310.  311. We'll sure try. 312.  313.  314. Wow! That blew my mind! 315.  316.  317. "What's the difference?" 318. How can you say that? 319.  320.  321. One job forever? 322. That's an insane choice to have to make. 323.  324.  325. I'm relieved. Now we only have 326. to make one decision in life. 327.  328.  329. But, Adam, how could they 330. never have told us that? 331.  332.  333. Why would you question anything? 334. We're bees. 335.  336.  337. We're the most perfectly 338. functioning society on Earth. 339.  340.  341. You ever think maybe things 342. work a little too well here? 343.  344.  345. Like what? Give me one example. 346.  347.  348. I don't know. But you know 349. what I'm talking about. 350.  351.  352. Please clear the gate. 353. Royal Nectar Force on approach. 354.  355.  356. Wait a second. Oheck it out. 357.  358.  359. - Hey, those are Pollen Jocks! 360. - Wow. 361.  362.  363. I've never seen them this close. 364.  365.  366. They know what it's like 367. outside the hive. 368.  369.  370. Yeah, but some don't come back. 371.  372.  373. - Hey, Jocks! 374. - Hi, Jocks! 375.  376.  377. You guys did great! 378.  379.  380. You're monsters! 381. You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it! 382.  383.  384. - I wonder where they were. 385. - I don't know. 386.  387.  388. Their day's not planned. 389.  390.  391. Outside the hive, flying who knows 392. where, doing who knows what. 393.  394.  395. You can'tjust decide to be a Pollen 396. Jock. You have to be bred for that. 397.  398.  399. Right. 400.  401.  402. Look. That's more pollen 403. than you and I will see in a lifetime. 404.  405.  406. It's just a status symbol. 407. Bees make too much of it. 408.  409.  410. Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it 411. and the ladies see you wearing it. 412.  413.  414. Those ladies? 415. Aren't they our cousins too? 416.  417.  418. Distant. Distant. 419.  420.  421. Look at these two. 422.  423.  424. - Oouple of Hive Harrys. 425. - Let's have fun with them. 426.  427.  428. It must be dangerous 429. being a Pollen Jock. 430.  431.  432. Yeah. Once a bear pinned me 433. against a mushroom! 434.  435.  436. He had a paw on my throat, 437. and with the other, he was slapping me! 438.  439.  440. - Oh, my! 441. - I never thought I'd knock him out. 442.  443.  444. What were you doing during this? 445.  446.  447. Trying to alert the authorities. 448.  449.  450. I can autograph that. 451.  452.  453. A little gusty out there today, 454. wasn't it, comrades? 455.  456.  457. Yeah. Gusty. 458.  459.  460. We're hitting a sunflower patch 461. six miles from here tomorrow. 462.  463.  464. - Six miles, huh? 465. - Barry! 466.  467.  468. A puddle jump for us, 469. but maybe you're not up for it. 470.  471.  472. - Maybe I am. 473. - You are not! 474.  475.  476. We're going 0900 at J-Gate. 477.  478.  479. What do you think, buzzy-boy? 480. Are you bee enough? 481.  482.  483. I might be. It all depends 484. on what 0900 means. 485.  486.  487. Hey, Honex! 488.  489.  490. Dad, you surprised me. 491.  492.  493. You decide what you're interested in? 494.  495.  496. - Well, there's a lot of choices. 497. - But you only get one. 498.  499.  500. Do you ever get bored 501. doing the same job every day? 502.  503.  504. Son, let me tell you about stirring. 505.  506.  507. You grab that stick, and you just 508. move it around, and you stir it around. 509.  510.  511. You get yourself into a rhythm. 512. It's a beautiful thing. 513.  514.  515. You know, Dad, 516. the more I think about it, 517.  518.  519. maybe the honey field 520. just isn't right for me. 521.  522.  523. You were thinking of what, 524. making balloon animals? 525.  526.  527. That's a bad job 528. for a guy with a stinger. 529.  530.  531. Janet, your son's not sure 532. he wants to go into honey! 533.  534.  535. - Barry, you are so funny sometimes. 536. - I'm not trying to be funny. 537.  538.  539. You're not funny! You're going 540. into honey. Our son, the stirrer! 541.  542.  543. - You're gonna be a stirrer? 544. - No one's listening to me! 545.  546.  547. Wait till you see the sticks I have. 548.  549.  550. I could say anything right now. 551. I'm gonna get an ant tattoo! 552.  553.  554. Let's open some honey and celebrate! 555.  556.  557. Maybe I'll pierce my thorax. 558. Shave my antennae. 559.  560.  561. Shack up with a grasshopper. Get 562. a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"! 563.  564.  565. I'm so proud. 566.  567.  568. - We're starting work today! 569. - Today's the day. 570.  571.  572. Oome on! All the good jobs 573. will be gone. 574.  575.  576. Yeah, right. 577.  578.  579. Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring, 580. stirrer, front desk, hair removal... 581.  582.  583. - Is it still available? 584. - Hang on. Two left! 585.  586.  587. One of them's yours! Oongratulations! 588. Step to the side. 589.  590.  591. - What'd you get? 592. - Picking crud out. Stellar! 593.  594.  595. Wow! 596.  597.  598. Oouple of newbies? 599.  600.  601. Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready! 602.  603.  604. Make your choice. 605.  606.  607. - You want to go first? 608. - No, you go. 609.  610.  611. Oh, my. What's available? 612.  613.  614. Restroom attendant's open, 615. not for the reason you think. 616.  617.  618. - Any chance of getting the Krelman? 619. - Sure, you're on. 620.  621.  622. I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out. 623.  624.  625. Wax monkey's always open. 626.  627.  628. The Krelman opened up again. 629.  630.  631. What happened? 632.  633.  634. A bee died. Makes an opening. See? 635. He's dead. Another dead one. 636.  637.  638. Deady. Deadified. Two more dead. 639.  640.  641. Dead from the neck up. 642. Dead from the neck down. That's life! 643.  644.  645. Oh, this is so hard! 646.  647.  648. Heating, cooling, 649. stunt bee, pourer, stirrer, 650.  651.  652. humming, inspector number seven, 653. lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, 654.  655.  656. mite wrangler. Barry, what 657. do you think I should... Barry? 658.  659.  660. Barry! 661.  662.  663. All right, we've got the sunflower patch 664. in quadrant nine... 665.  666.  667. What happened to you? 668. Where are you? 669.  670.  671. - I'm going out. 672. - Out? Out where? 673.  674.  675. - Out there. 676. - Oh, no! 677.  678.  679. I have to, before I go 680. to work for the rest of my life. 681.  682.  683. You're gonna die! You're crazy! Hello? 684.  685.  686. Another call coming in. 687.  688.  689. If anyone's feeling brave, 690. there's a Korean deli on 83rd 691.  692.  693. that gets their roses today. 694.  695.  696. Hey, guys. 697.  698.  699. - Look at that. 700. - Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday? 701.  702.  703. Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted. 704.  705.  706. It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up. 707.  708.  709. Really? Feeling lucky, are you? 710.  711.  712. Sign here, here. Just initial that. 713.  714.  715. - Thank you. 716. - OK. 717.  718.  719. You got a rain advisory today, 720.  721.  722. and as you all know, 723. bees cannot fly in rain. 724.  725.  726. So be careful. As always, 727. watch your brooms, 728.  729.  730. hockey sticks, dogs, 731. birds, bears and bats. 732.  733.  734. Also, I got a couple of reports 735. of root beer being poured on us. 736.  737.  738. Murphy's in a home because of it, 739. babbling like a cicada! 740.  741.  742. - That's awful. 743. - And a reminder for you rookies, 744.  745.  746.  

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sanderssides-fics · 7 years

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Memory

Ship: Prinxiety TW: mourning, don't read if you're triggered by flashbacks, panic attacks, loss, going off of medication. Plot: https://youtu.be/8f3R0hdY1nc ______________ ~He, is everywhere I go, everyone I see~ 365 days, 3 hours, 41 minutes. That was how old Anxiety's last voicemail was as prince listened to it. He was sat in the park created in his dream-area. No matter where he looked he saw faded hallucinations of his soul mate and him. lying in the grass, leant against trees, feeding ducklings in the pond, walking along paths, eating picnics, they were always together. Even on the bench he was sat on right now, a faded Anxiety's head was on Prince's lap. ~winters gone but I still can't sleep~ The bed felt too big as it had for 365 days, 8 hours, 26 minutes. Prince looked to the half of the bed once taken by Anxiety, the half was messy exactly how Anxiety had left it. The memory foam had long lost Anxiety's shape but the pillow had kept it's crinkles from Anxiety's head laying upon it for years. 12:00 the clock read "Its still so early" Anxiety's voice rang in Prince's head softly, Prince could practically heat Anxiety's smile through the memory's words. ~summers on its way, at least that's what they say but these clouds won't leave~ "Prince,we all miss him. It's been over a year now, you need to let him go. Everything will get better, I promise" Morality spoke in concern. The younger trait had lost his pizazz. Bags were worn under his royal eyes from lack of rest, his eyes were dark wuth despair, hair was everywhere --- not like what used to be the royal 'do', Logic and Morality were really worried about Prince. "366" Prince spoke in a croaky, unused voice. Resulting in confused hums from his brothers. "366 days, 12 hours, 33 minutes" Prince was correcting their time before he left to his room. ~walk away, I'm barely breathing, as I'm lying on the floor~ "You sure you're okay, you seem really drained" Prince spoke as he held on to his dizzy boyfriend. It had been a few weeks since this all began, Prince became more and more worried the less and less his boyfiend could do. Anxiety nodded in response, and they both laid down and fell asleep together. But when Prince woke he was alone, Anxiety's sweater remained. Prince searched and waited for his dark soul mate to return to him. When he finally knew what had happened, Prince spent days in his room hyperventilating until he passed out and then repeating. ~take my heart; as you're leaving, I don't need it anymore~ Prince spent days, months hoping when he did sleep he'd wake in his boyfiends arms and it would all be okay. What no one expected was for when Anxiety was gone so was prince. Nothing to be brave or coraegeous about if you fear nothing. ~this is the memory, this is the curse of having too much time to think about it. It's killing me, this is the last time, this is my forgiveness,this is endless~ At one point, Prince didn't leave his room for a month. Morality would bring him nourishment. With each new drop off of food, Morality's heart would break as Prince slowly became less and less of himself until essentially he was black and white. A cloudy grey being of despair. Prince only continued this downfall until all that was left of prince was a haze. What once was a raging forest fire of creativity and ego was now a wet match. Prince lost his other half, how was he still alive? ~now,spring has brought the rain, buy I still see your face~ Prince was emotionally killing himself, looking through the album labeled 'US <3' All the selfie he took with Anxiety what her Anxiety consented or not, there were some where Anxiety was just in the back, some where Anxiety was forcefully pulled into the picture and was pouting or grumbling. Wide eyes and red faced as prince kissed his cheek,vice versa, then there was the few where anxiety was actually smiling. A wide smile that brought light to the photo, not a condescending smirk but a genuine happy, full of life, smile that pressed slight dimples into his cheeks and the usual self-concious worried eyes he'd glare with were full of happiness and love for the royal one beside him. Tears ran down his, as his eyes scanned the photo. His royal wear was no where to be seen off the careen, Anxiety's sweater was draped over his shoulders, the fleece soft against his neck like Anxiety's hair once was. ~and I can not escape the past~ 'Anxiety's Birthday!' Prince's phone reminded him bringing salty tears to the prince's eyes. 379 days, 6 hours, 12 minutes. Prince breathed in shakily, his pink lips trembling. Within 10 minutes he was full blown broken down, another 5 and Logic and Morality were trying to calm him wuth hugs and soothing, soft words. ~it's creeping up inside, reminding me that I, can never bring you back~ Prince found himself staring at where Anxiety once laid, 3:00 am the clock blinked but Prince paid no mind. Placing a pillow next to him he wrapped around it pretending it was anxiety as salty tears put him to sleep as always. ~this is the memory, this is the curse of having too much time to think about it. It's killing me, this is the last time, this is my forgiveness,this is endless~ Prince entered the living room,where Logic and morality were pressed together on the couch. A documentary on the TV "Hey Prince, you're out of your room!" Morality gleamed and Prince simply nodded. Morality approached him carefully "Are you okay, Kiddo?" With that Prince almost broke staring at Morlaity, he nodded with a broken smile "I just want it to end, the pain" Prince whimpered quietly and Morality hugged him while feeling horrible. ~someone help me, because the memory, convinced itself to tear me apart. And it's gonna succeed before long~ Where do traits even go when they're 'eliminated'? Do they just become a memory? That's how it felt for Prince, it seemed that he was the only one to care that Anxiety was gone. Morality was the one still being a dad and keeping their host in check with emotions Prince no longer aided in. Prince was only a shell as the memories tore at him leaving him hollow. Logan had thought logically and boarded up where Anxiety's room was and painted it to match the res t of the hall to prevent further depression of the now youngest trait. Prince didn't understand how the others weren't so attached to Anxiety, but they hadn't shared a bed with the emo for 3 years like he had. 395 days, 7 hours, 2 minutes. 395 days, 7 hours, 3 minutes. Prince made a habit of time, held on to it like he once had Anxiety's hand. ~this is the memory, this is the curse of having too much time to think about it. It's killing me, this is the last time, this is my forgiveness,this is endless~ Prince approached Thomas on one of Thomas's down days, the host looked up and smiled not noticing the pain his usually enthusiastic trait was in. "Hey princey!" Thomas chimed happily. Prince stared at him wuth broken eyes and held Anxiety's sweater. "Why?" He asks "why..." his voice was small. Thomas looked down, Prince finally broke Thomas made a decision that moment, after 396 days of torture. ~someone help me, because the memory, convinced itself to tear me apart. And it's gonna succeed before long, this is endless~ Prince's time with Thomas was done as far as he was concerned. Thomas was fine with just Morality and Logic,he had been for 407 day, 23 hours, 6 minutes. He had binders of ideas for Thomas's videos, original or not, all flexible too. Just as he finished packing bags the door opened... ~ he, is everywhere I go, everyone I see, but these clouds won't leave~ 410 days, 23 hours, 10 minutes since the voicemail, long enough. A shaky thumb clicked delete as tears hit his phones screen. He no longer wore Anxiety's sweater, he was however in and normal white t shirt and blue jeans. How Anxiety liked him dressed when not in videos. The door closed as Logic sat next to him. "Thomas is off the meds" Logic spoke softly as he eyed the bags also on the bed. "What difference does it make?" Prince asked leaning against the slightky older trait "They were Anxiety Medications, if he's off them he will start to feel anxious again... the same anxiousness as before" his voice became teasing at the end. It worked as prince perked up slightly. Maybe, just maybe, the sunny days in the mindset would return ____________ @the-prince-and-the-emo @analogically-prinxiety I'm sorry

#Prinxiety #prince sanders #thomas sanders #thomas #sanders #prince #anxiety #anxiety Sanders #trigger warning #Tw death #tw depressing thoughts #tw medication #Tw mourning #Tw anxiety #Tw hyperventilating #tw panic attack #Prinxiety angst #sanderssides #sanderssides fics

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livefromhouseatlantic · 5 years

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Chain Breaking, pt 14

“Welcome to the jungle.”

Okay, I’m gonna be all over the place here. The last two days have been really nice, surrounded by friends and family. They’ve also left me feeling pretty high stung, as I mentioned in my last entry. I’ve been feeling increasingly short tempered and easily stressed. Here’s something I learned - my resting heart rate is about 70. A normal, relaxed me is somewhere in the 80s, going as high as 98-102. That’s not bad, it’s in the ballpark average of 60-100. Last night, it hit 180 a few times, complete with the same chest pains I mentioned earlier. No faintness, at least, though they get accompanied by trouble focusing and a harder time being patient. It’s annoying. More annoying than anything else, in a “fuck me, really? Right now?” kind of sense.

Thinking about it, I’ve experienced those pains on more than one occasion in the last two years, just not including the feeling faint part. I always chalked em up to indigestion before now - and for all I know, maybe they still were.

Christmas day was a bit of a blur for me. I’d gotten two or so hours of sleep before coming wide awake at 8:30 (again) and saying “ah, fuck it, let’s do this Christmas thing” and then waiting for the rest of the family to come by. I did manage to get back to bed between (I think) 2-5? Something like that. The whole time I was awake, everything was too loud. As mentioned before, I need quiet to a somewhat unreasonable degree. Loud noises used to startle the shit out of me. Nowadays, they still get my attention, after a fashion, but working in a casino has dulled my threat response somewhat. Something they try to drill out of aspiring card dealers is the natural response to look for the source of a loud noise, because you’ve always got to be watching. I’ve found that to be helpful in day to day life outside of work. Casinos are naturally a very noisy environment, between the crowds, the dealers, the band that’s playing, and the slot machines that never. Stop. Ringing. Bit of an odd place for a guy who needs quiet, you say? I’d agree with you. There’s a bit of an unplugging that happens when I go into work. I expect noise. I expect rowdiness. And I did get used to it. I get migraines at times, and have since 2016. There were a lot of them that year. That may have been the first year I was really acutely aware of feeling slightly split, as well, though I can’t honestly say whether or not that’s truly the case. Terms I’ve thrown around now, by the way, are things like “duality”, “fragmentation”, and now “split”. I’m keeping track, see. On their own, they do not quite capture how I feel, exactly. They’re sort of... stand ins, I suppose. The best I’ve got. Anyway, I would experience migraines at the casino at times for the first six or so months before finally adjusting and getting more used to the environment. You can adapt to anything, pretty much, stories about frogs in boiling water aside.

Noise, quiet. I like noise if I’m in control of it. If I’m in a bad mood, I’ll generally do what I’d assume a lot of folks due - crank the tunes. “Turn that shit up!” as de la Rocha would put it. Rage Against the Machine has been a favourite of mine for a long time. Loud music is something I can control, see. I can turn it down if I want to. I can’t turn down the kids being really excited and yelling when they play, for instance. I don’t even really want to. They’re 6. And they’re playing. Let ‘em. Life’ll Kill Ya, remember. Gospel of Warren Zevon. Might as well have fun with it while you can. Life is a Carnival, so they say. That’s the Gospel of Robbie Robertson and Levon Helm. Still, despite knowing this, I’ve had to fight the urge to start screaming and yelling at them to shut up in the last couple of days. Not only is that Grinchy, it’s kind of ironic, no? Screaming and yelling to shut up? Get it?

It was the same reaction today when someone else put the tunes on. I bought my mum an Echo Dot for Christmas. She’s scared of technology, but really likes the fact that all you need to do is tell Alexa what to play, and she’ll do it. I don’t mind her music - it was just too loud. She was kind of drunk and rowdy. She’s earned a bit of letting loose time. So I did turn it down when the kids went to bed, but otherwise I tried to leave it alone. It didn’t stop me from getting mad when she protested me turning it down finally. I reminded her the kids went to bed and there was a bit of a snap to what I was saying. I feel very bad about that. I’m going to mention something that I don’t think I’ve really said yet - for a person like me, who would rather be self controlled and especially quiet about himself, “a bit of a snap” is a lot. I really don’t like being upset with others. It stresses me out more and tends to make me more upset (though with myself at that point, I tend to turn anger inwards). That was maybe four hours ago at this point. Everyone has gone to bed, my mum didn’t even notice my reaction. I did. I’m still upset about it.

Take my quiet away from me and a lot of things happen. I lose my train of thought much quicker than I do normally (it does still happen a lot, of course) and I’m a lot more likely to get upset about that. I’m stressed, because I can’t stop the noise. My heart rate goes up. I’m startled more easily and I can’t focus. I end up getting short and frustrated with people in very short order. I can’t get my point across. I might repeat exactly what I just said a few times (if only to try and recover whatever the fuck idea it was I was having). I have a nervous tic. Example: I can’t even focus when I’m talking to someone and a kid (or anyone else, really, kids are just more likely to do it because they don’t really know better, which isn’t their fault) is trying to talk as well. Like I said, kids are especially bad for it, because they want to talk to their mum or dad or whoever and it just can’t wait. Detached from it, it’s actually kind of cute, because they’ll eventually grow out of it (you hope, anyway). In the moment, I just shut up. I can’t do it. It’s not that I’m attaching more importance to what the kid is saying (... well, maybe it is, actually...) it’s that I literally cannot focus. It’s just gone. I’ll wait till you stop and then try to find what I was saying, though usually by that point I’ve thrown the baby out with the bathwater and I start to stress about it. These are all stress responses for me, by the way. The same things happen when I get stressed in any way.

I’m the same way when I’m in an unfamiliar situation. I can recall getting frustrated in no time at all with people when trying to drive through places that aren’t familiar to me. Talk of my sense of direction aside, if I’m driving through a busy place (say Toronto, for instance), I’ve snapped on more than one occasion at more than one person due to not knowing which cutoff to take on the 407, for instance, or trying to get me to merge into a lane where I don’t see a spot, or any other of a handful of things. It’s not even the backseat driving or the lack of direction that frustrate me. It’s the feeling, the certainty, that if I don’t get a handle on what I’m doing right fucking now something really terrible is going to happen. The traffic scares me. It’s like a crowd, except instead of just people, it’s multiple tonnes of steel full of people, and “bumping into one” can kill you. Though it’s not an accident that I’m afraid of, exactly. I’m not sure what, exactly, I’m afraid of in those situations. This one is really specific, which makes it a bit harder. Traffic scares me a lot, and unless I feel that I have some degree of control over a thing I’m usually good at, i.e. directions, I panic. That’s the only response I have to it. So give me the cut off; don’t tell me where to merge; just shut up, I’ll handle it. Inevitably, I end up feeling like a total asshole for getting upset in those situations. Like, okay, you forgot which turn to take. That’s okay, there’s a lot of them, it’s Toronto and the 400-series highways. They suck. Or okay, you’re a backseat driver, you’re also just an incorrigible asshole, you’d think I’d be used to that. Why blow up now? Because I’m afraid. It gets worse when I’m alone. I’ve had meltdowns on drives home from Toronto where I’m screaming and yelling at everyone and everything around me. That only happens when I’m alone, though. And thankfully, it doesn’t really happen all that often. Just if the traffic is bad enough where my hands are shaking on the wheel. Or I’m white-knuckling it.

This might be a two-part entry. I usually try to stay up on nights off of work if only to not screw up my sleep schedule, but I’m very tired and everyone’s busy or whatever, so I’m going to try very hard to catch up on some much needed sleep. Whether or not that actually happens - who knows. Maybe I’ll wake up at 4 AM instead of 8AM this time. At least that would be a change of pace.

#personal #mental health #mental illness #chain breaking series

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