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religion-is-a-mental-illness · 3 months

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By: Andrew Doyle

Published: Mar 11, 2024

As a child of the Eighties and Nineties, I remember well that homosexuals were fair game in the mainstream media. One columnist in The Star railed against “Wooftahs, pooftahs, nancy boys, queers, lezzies — the perverts whose moral sin is to so abuse the delightful word ‘gay’ as to render it unfit for human consumption”. After the death of Freddie Mercury, sympathy in The Mail on Sunday was limited. “If you treat as a hero a man who died because of his own sordid sexual perversions,” one writer cautioned, “aren’t you infinitely more likely to persuade some of the gullible young to follow in his example?”

It was sadly inevitable that the AIDS crisis would exacerbate this ancient prejudice. A headline in The Sun declared that “perverts are to blame for the killer plague”. And while a writer for the Express held “those who choose unnatural methods of self-gratification” responsible for the disease, letters published in its pages followed suit. One reader called for the incarceration of homosexuals. “Burning is too good for them,” wrote another. “Bury them in a pit and pour on quicklime.” Someone had been reading his Dante.

I happened to come out in a much less hostile climate. In the early 2000s, we were enjoying a kind of Goldilocks moment, neither too hot nor too cold. We weren’t generally on the receiving end of homophobic slurs, but nor were we patronised by well-meaning progressives. My memory of this time was that no one particularly cared, and I was more than happy with that. Being gay for me has never been an identity, it’s simply a fact, as unremarkable as being blue-eyed or right-handed.

And so it has been troubling to see a resurgence in the last few years of the kind of anti-gay rhetoric that was commonplace in my childhood. Of course, it could be argued that the rise of social media has simply exposed sentiments that were previously only expressed in private. As Ricky Gervais has pointed out, before the digital era ��we couldn’t read every toilet wall in the world. And now we can.”

Yet the most virulent homophobia appears to be coming from a new source. Whereas we have always been accustomed to this kind of thing from the far-Right — one recalls Nick Griffin’s remark on Question Time about how he finds the sight of two men kissing “really creepy” — but now the most objectionable anti-gay comments arise in online spheres occupied by gender ideologues, from those who claim to be progressive, Left-wing and “on the right side of history”. The significant difference is that the word “cis” has been added to the homophobe’s lexicon. Some examples:

“Cis gay men are a disease.”

“Cis gay men are truly some of the most grotesque creatures to burden this earth.”

“I hate cis gay people with a burning passion.”

“If you’re a cis gay man and your sexuality revolves around you not liking female genitalia I hope you die and I will spit on your grave.”

“Cis gays don’t deserve rights.”

“There’s so many reasons to hate gay people, most specifically white gays, but there’s never a reason to be a transphobe.”

“It’s time to normalise homophobia.”

Of course, any bile can be found on the internet, but these kinds of phrases are remarkably commonplace among certain online communities. Even a cursory search will reveal innumerable examples of gender ideologues casually branding gay men “fags” or “faggots”, praising the murder of gays and lesbians, and claiming that the AIDS epidemic was a positive thing. Many thousands of examples had been collated on Google Photos under the title “Woke homophobia: anti-gay hatred & boxer ceiling abuse from trans activists & gender-identity ideologues”. The site was taken down last year, presumably because it violated Google’s policy on hate speech — or perhaps because it revealed the toxicity of the ideology the company has spent so long promoting.

If such ideas were restricted to the demented world of internet activism, we might be justified in simply ignoring it. But we now know that the overwhelming majority of adolescents referred to the Tavistock paediatric gender clinic were same-sex attracted. Whistleblowers have spoken out about the endemic homophobia, not simply among clinicians but also parents who were keen to “fix” their gay offspring. And of course there was the running joke among staff that soon “there would be no gay people left”.

And now a series of leaked internal messages and videos from WPATH (World Professional Association for Transgender Health), has revealed that clinicians in the leading global organisation for transgender healthcare have openly admitted in private that some teenagers mistake being same-sex attracted for gender dysphoria. The result of the “gender-affirming” approach has amounted to what one former Tavistock clinician recently described as “conversion therapy for gay kids”. Homosexuality was removed from the World Health Organisation’s list of psychiatric disorders in 1993, and yet here we are medicalising it all over again.

So how did we reach the point where gay conversion therapy is being practised in plain sight by the NHS? Much of the responsibility has to lie with Stonewall, a group that once promoted equal rights for gay people but now actively works against their interests. It has even gone so far as to redefine “homosexual” on its website and resource materials as “same-gender attracted”. It should go without saying that gay men are not attracted to women who identify as men, any more than lesbians should be denounced for excluding those with penises from their dating pools. What trans activists call discrimination, most of us call homosexuality.

Indeed, activists often claim that “genital preferences are transphobic”, or that sexual orientation based on biological sex is a form of “trauma”. The idea that homosexuality is a sickness was one of the first homophobic tropes I encountered as a child. Now it is being rebranded as progressive.

As for Stonewall, its former CEO Nancy Kelley went so far as to argue that women who exclude trans people as potential partners are analogous to “sexual racists”. She claimed that “if you are writing off entire groups of people, like people of colour, fat people, disabled people or trans people, then it’s worth considering how societal prejudices may have shaped your attractions”. It is worth remembering that Stonewall is deeply embedded in many governmental departments and quangos, as well as corporate and civic institutions. Anti-gay propaganda is being reintroduced into society from the very top.

Meanwhile, the Crown Prosecution Service has been meeting with trans lobby groups such as Mermaids and Stonewall to discuss changes to prosecutorial policy in cases of sex by deception. Since these meetings — only revealed after sustained pressure from a feminist campaigner who submitted Freedom of Information requests — the CPS has recommended what Dennis Kavanagh of the Gay Men’s Network has described as “a radical trans activist approach to sex by deception prosecutions that would see them all but vanish”. In trans activist parlance, the barriers to having sex with lesbians and gay men are known as the “cotton ceiling” and “boxer ceiling”. Now it seems the establishment is attempting to support the coercion of gay people into heterosexual activity.

Consider a recent post on X by Stephen Whittle, OBE, a professor of equalities law at Manchester Metropolitan University. In a reply to LGB Alliance’s Bev Jackson, Whittle took issue with the notion that “love is all about genitals” (an argument that Jackson has never made). Having dismissed this straw man as “a very hetero/homo-normative perspective”, Whittle then claimed that “a lot of gay men can’t resist a young furry ftm [female-to-male] cub”.

While it is true that there are some bisexuals who identify as gay, it is simply not the case that homosexual men “can’t resist” certain kinds of women. As Jackson rightly noted in her response, this is rank homophobia, “disturbed and disturbing on every level”. Yet it has been expressed by an individual who has been described as a “hero for LGBTQ+ equality”. With heroes like these, who needs villains?

Another example is Davey Wavey, a popular online influencer, who has encouraged gay men to perform heterosexual acts in a video called “How to Eat Pussy — For Gay Men”. It may as well have been called “Gay Conversion Therapy 2.0”. We are firmly back in the Eighties, where gays are being told that they “just haven’t found the right girl yet” and lesbians are assured that they just “need a good dick”. And yet now these demeaning ideas are being propagated by those who claim to be defending the rights of sexual minorities.

The Government’s recent guidance on how schools are to accommodate trans-identified pupils — in which biological sex will take precedence over identity — has been met with horror from gender ideologues. One of the common refrains one hears from activists is that it represents “this generation’s Section 28”. But this is to get it precisely backwards. Gay rights were secured on the recognition that a minority of the population are same-sex attracted. In dismantling the very notion of sex and substituting it for this nebulous concept of “gender identity”, activists and their disciples in parliament are undoing all of the achievements of previous gay rights movements.

The widespread homophobia of the Eighties, epitomised by Section 28, was based on the notion that homosexuality was unnatural, dangerous and ought to be corrected. Present-day gender identity ideology perceives homosexuality as evidence of misalignment between soul and body. In other words, it seeks to “fix” gay people so that they fit into a heterosexual framework. It is no coincidence that so many detransitioners are gay people who were simply struggling with their sexuality. Gender identity ideology is the true successor to Section 28.

The proponents of this revamped gay conversion therapy dismiss our concerns as “transphobia” and “bigotry”, or as part of a manufactured “culture war”. Worse still, the new homophobia is being cheered on by those it will hurt most. While prominent gay figures continue to feed the beast that wishes to devour them, we are unlikely to see this dire situation improve any time soon. It was bad enough in the Eighties, when gay people were demonised and harassed by the establishment. Who thought we would have to fight these battles all over again?

#Andrew Doyle #woke homophobia #homophobia 2.0 #gay conversion therapy #gay conversion #conversion therapy #anti gay #gender ideology #gender identity ideology #queer theory #intersectional feminism #religion is a mental illness

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jaskierx · 6 months

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people fundamentally misunderstanding what abuse even is all for the sake of arguing about fictional characters and being an abuse apologiser kind of actually drives me crazy like. real people get abused. and these idiots who do this are going to end up repeating violent rhetoric that will be harmful and actively put people in danger by normalising something like "you can't be abused if you fight back against your abuser because that's also abuse" or "abuse is when someone physically larger physically hurts someone who is smaller" or something. ("abuse is when the scary brown man hurts the defenseless small white man")

like 😭? ed holds a certain degree of authority over izzy as his captain and someone izzy projects his own fantasies onto, but izzy holds an IMMENSE amount of power over ed, and has for a while and maybe even ALWAYS has been building it up, and that fantasy plays into it. abuse occurs when someone holds power over another person and misuses that power and causes them harm, even if that person is "unaware" they're doing it... it's not complex and it's nothing to do with what's "typical", a parent can abuse their offspring, an adult child can abuse their parent. it's about the power dynamic. their relationship is incredibly imbalanced and it's always been in IZZY'S favour, his role is LITERALLY meant to liken to like an evil advisor whispering in ed's ear – an imbalanced, toxic dynamic where ed is the victim with false control over the situation, because the entire point is izzy wants him to be The Best He Can Be (a ruthless pirate).

izzy eventually getting hurt physically in retaliation isn't ABUSE because ed isn't enacting what little authority he does have over izzy (who allows him to have it as izzy finds perverse joy in SEEING ed use that authority against him and Be the fantasy he wants ed to be), he's just fucking retaliating to being taunted by someone who hates him. izzy got physically hurt, sure, but he was not ever scared of or threatened by ed, ed did not hold any further power over him other than the fear in any man's mind who knew they fucked around and found out and got fucking shot for it.

when ed severed their connection with that bullet he severed izzy's hold over him to a vast degree, but that still doesn't mean he then held an equal amount of power over izzy in his place. and ed even had the insane heart to actually feel bad about hurting him and forgive him for everything else 😭. izzy literally acknowledges this IN THE SHOW. it's actually concerning the lengths people will go to defend an aspect of a character that is written in the damn script (izzy is a toxic manipulative cunt who wants to control everything ed does who eventually stops doing that because he knows he went too far).

anyway. sorry for that. good morning ^_^

good morning anon you are correct and you should say it

it absolutely baffles me like how the fuck are you going to be so committed to banging a drum for your shitty fave that you end up posting stuff with real world implications about who can and cannot be a victim of abuse

like even without the nonsense the take was full of headcanon and weird analogies anyway (like it's useless to compare being a pirate captain to owning a house. those are fundamentally different things. turns out piracy doesn't neatly map onto 'normal' life today. who knew!)

but the lengths that people will go to to declare that izzy did nothing wrong after the show has looked them in the eyes and said 'the narrative is telling you that izzy was wrong'??

i'm so glad they killed him off bc i cannot cope with another season of shit like this. i patiently await their exit from the fandom tbh

#asks #anon #fandom critical #the izcourse #i'm so fucking tired

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evangelifloss · 2 years

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It honestly baffles me how people hate OG Satoko, and how normalised it's become in the Higurashi fandom. Like aaa yes abused 12 year old definitely deserves to be brutally murdered. *insert tasteless chair joke here* "This definitely doesn't reflect how I view anyone slightly troublesome"

And you think of all the love ryukishi07 put into his characters, how Satoko represented his experience being a social worker and witnessing some really messy situations involving a child, to suddenly invoke the sheer lack of empathy people have towards her.

"But it's fiction!!"

And ryukishi used fiction to explore/discuss very real ideas and scenarios. There's more to Satoko's treatment than shouting that lame ass excuse. Like, we get it, you can't tolerate anyone remotely troublesome.

The thing is, Satoko isn't even that bad. (Please keep in mind I'm talking OG, not gou/sotsu/meguri) Imagine if she had a higher degree of behavioural problems besides pulling harmless pranks? I can only imagine how people would react then.

I'm rambling but yeah

TDLR: Can we please stop being so toxic toward Satoko Houjou and call it a day. There's better ways to engage with the themes of Higurashi

#coulda worded it better but here it is #satoko houjou #satoko hojo #higurashi #when they cry #higurashi no naku koro ni

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themonotonysyndrome · 4 months

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omg i keep thinking about how castin would look while fighting UGH.

but also i keep thinking about soft and worried castin. he’s been so open with us and pushed through emotions to tell us such deep and personal things before, i can’t wait for the baroness to do the same with him.

could we maybe get some headcanons on how castin would react to hearing about some trauma from the baroness for the first time? nothing specific in terms of the trauma so that it’s interpretable for each person, but how would he react? anger, sadness, etc etc?

hope you’re doing well, i love your writing so so so much!!!

Castin in a fight? Well, at least when he's sparring?

Shirtless. Sweaty. Serious. Growly voice when barking out orders. His eyes are hard as he scans around.

You know it, Anon!

But a soft and worried Castin, eh? Sure! Let's give it a go! Also, I'm very happy that you enjoyed my writings. You made my day.

Emotional headcanons where the Baroness reveals a traumatic scene to a worried Castin

Let's set up the scene first: Castin and the Baroness have adapted to each other well, the communication between the two is growing stronger with every passing day, and they understand each other a lot more now.

But the stark difference in cultures and upbringing between them is still unavoidable, so when the Baroness casually shares how 'rigid' her upbringing was (think of cruel diet control by her governesses at the age of 10 & etc) while the two are walking through the gardens, Castin suddenly feels chilling. Despite how warm the day is.

Our man is lowkey in distress as he stares at his wife, who is distracted by freshly bloomed flowers.

"Babe... that's... that's not right. You know that right?"

"Hmm? Oh my. Why do you look so spooked Castin?"

Castin can't believe what he's hearing; can't bear that his wife is comforting him. He should be the one doing so!

He gently grabs her hand so they can sit at a nearby bench among the trees. Somewhere quiet and private for a much-needed talk.

"Castin, please. Why do you look so sad?"

"I've heard a lot of stories from the soldiers. Do you know that one of the ways that people cope with traumatic events is conditioning themselves to accept it as the norm? It's horrifying, but I guess that's human nature."

"An apt survival method if I ever hear one. But what is this about, husband? Is one of your soldiers struggling to adjust to civilian life?"

"No. No, baby. I'm talking about you."

"Me?"

The Baroness is genuinely surprised and confused. What traumatic events did she go through other than she became a hostage during the siege of the palace?

Seeing her expression honestly breaks Castin's heart. He had so many support groups, and so many people who loved him. People were there to help him pull through after the death of his mother and during the war. To now realise that his wife doesn't have that privilege? It's tragic.

"I'm really sorry to be the one who say this, but, sweetheart... you were abused as child."

"Abused? Don't be absurd, Castin. Every children within the Imperial Noble Households went through a set of rigorous upbringing. It's tradition. It's just how it is."

"Starving a child shouldn't be a lesson! That's cruel; simple as that. And I hate that the Empire normalises that."

The fact that the Baroness still couldn't grasp how horrible that was just made Castin burst into tears.

He'll cry for the loss of her childhood innocence. He'll lament for every time the love of his life was abused and isolated all in the name of traditions.

Because from now on, Castin is not gonna let her or any of their children suffer the same way and he'll fight against traditions themselves if he has to.

#monotony's rambling #desmond asmr #headcanons #castin hammer #baroness (listener)

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sunlitmcgee · 7 months

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i hate how I (person who has only been able to read fragments of lolita) can say something stupid like “dolores would have been a c!tommy apologist if born today” and it’s literally blatantly better understanding of the novel than professional critics. like it says something about how normalised child abuse is that people were so easily swayed by the most pretentious dickhead around who lets slip that his behaviour made that poor little girl cry every night.

humbert literally calls a bunch of little girls on a playground he creeps around at one point "devil children" like HONESTLY

#tw csa #ask

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aloeverawrites · 1 year

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Okay so I have a theory and I need help figuring out whether it's bs or not.

So I study childism which is the children's rights movement. And I'm interested in the women's rights movement or womanism. And it gave me an idea.

My theory is that some misogyny that people learn is a result of resentment against a person's parents, specifically the parents that's spends more time with them or their mothers.

If child abuse is common as the two harmful parenting styles, permissive and authoritarian, are common, then maybe people are associating that trauma with their mothers and expanding that to women as a whole?

So I need to research the following things to see my theory:

Do women on average spend more time raising children then men?

Are mothers more likely to harm children then fathers?

Are women more likely to be emotionally abusive then fathers?

How do people react to different kinds of abuse?

Are the children of abusive fathers more likely to believe in toxic masculinity and sexist ideas against men?

What are common misogynistic ideas?

Are misogynistic people and men more likely to have a poor relationship with their mothers?

Are misogynists more likely to believe in abusive child rearing techniques? Are people who were raised abusively more likely to raise their children the same way?

Do some kinds of abusive parenting encourage victims to be abusive in the future?

Are families where the cycle of generational trauma/abuse broken less misogynistic?

Is hatred of a minority a common coping mechanism for trauma?

And these things need to change in order to fix this:

Changing how we raise children to authoritative instead of authoritarian or permissive

Identifying child abuse and learning how to stop it

Encouraging people to study children's rights to be more intersectional

Encouraging people to study women's rights to be more intersectional

Encouraging men to spend more time on housework and child raising

Encouraging people to understand and heal from their childhood trauma in a healthy way instead of having them turn to misogyny and hate groups

Normalising talking about trauma and emphasising that being traumatised isn't being weak

So yeah, interacting with this can help me remember it and I'll try to research one dot point every time I remember. Please feel free to do your own research too.

#womanism #feminsm #men's lib #intersectional feminism

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lilacsandcarnations · 9 months

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You do know that the "changelings were just autistic kids" came from autistic people who noted the similarities between how the "changelings" were treated and how we are treated as children? How we're spoken of? Right?

But hey we have no proof that society has a long standing tradition of violent ableism and we're just all making it up. Just like with ABA.

God I hate ableds.

Thats actually my whole entire point. Ive studied this at an academic level, so please believe i am not pulling this out of my ass when i say -

How we interprite the changeling mythology has more to do with how our society treats and views autistic children than it has to do with how early modern people viewed autistic children. The early scholarship from the 1960s making these claims actually contains some really vile ablism, it was made by neurotypical people with the intent to other autistic children and normalise the treatment they experienced starting from the 20th cent onwards.

It was shocking to me too when i discovered it, but the fact of the mater is that we have detailed court records from the era and region this treatment was supposedly taking place, and in all of the child murder cases we can find, not a single person claimed they were doing this because they suspected the child was a changling

The murder and abuse cases today where parents DO say they did these things because their child is autistic

I am not saying ablism doesnt exist, im saying we have got to stop projecting the violence specific to our era and our culture onto the past, it creates the illusion that this is normal, natural, and inherent. It is not. It is not human nature for parents to treat their autistic children this way. This is new. And it is terrible.

#not that this person cares. not that theyre going to read this #but its important to me. as a neurodiverse person. it has not always been this way and it will not stay this way #when we look to past we find numerous instances of people refusing to kill or abandon disabled and neurodiverse people #even when preassured from outside authority figures

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sweetbunnydreams · 10 months

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The Barbie movie (2023) is problematic!

Hey so obviously this is going to contain big spoilers, read on only if you wish. And also I will be venting a bit because this is something regarding a trigger and the topic about bullying behaviour and even suicidal thoughts and attempts.

I was super super excited to see this movie, but I ended up having an extremely bad meltdown and began sobbing violently in public shortly after we left the movie. To fill you guys in, even though I’m sure most of you already do know. I tend to get bullied a lot. My entire life I’ve been badly neglected by the human race, especially by women. I probably only had 3 or 5 men and other genders and identities be horrible to me but overall I had at least over 300 girls be absolutely horrible to me both online and in real life. I still get harassed by girls every now and then to this very day. I am a survivor and I’m doing my best to fight this never ending war of trying to accept myself for who I am in a world that hates people who are different. It’s a struggle and I have tried to commit suicide more than once and even done things to really hurt myself in a physical sense. I have experienced the worst kind of emotional bullying. Name calling, rumour spreading, death threats, manipulation, you name it and I have been there.

In the movie it normalises bullying, perhaps even promotes with a character named Sasha. A mean tween who loves to bully others at her school and is super horrible to her mother. Barbie goes to school to find this girl, she tries to ask another kid who she is. This kid warns Barbie not to approach her and that she should stay away from her, highly indicating she speaks like this to anyone.

Barbie goes in anyway and approaches Sasha and her group of tween mean girls. Barbie calls herself Barbie and of course they would think that she is a crazy person, I would too. But instead of trying to get away from the “crazy person” or even tell her that she isn’t Barbie, they play along. Not a nice play along either. One bully says she hates Barbie and always had and that she sucks.

The next says she only played with barbie dolls as a last resort.

One girl says she actually liked Barbie when she was little, her so called friends all glare at her. Hating on others over opinions including your own friends who has to be like an exact clone of you. That seems familiar. Even Sasha who is portrayed as a heroine, one of the good guys of the movie, glares at her friend and she spoke nasty things to Barbie as well.

Her other friends began to laugh as Barbie got confused. “Give it to her, Sasha!”

Sasha goes all out, calling her names and telling her she is horrible and ruined the world. Barbie bursts out crying and runs away, the girls seem to enjoy her tears as well.

If this was treated as an obstacle Barbie had to overcome, it would have made a somewhat meaningful scene. But Sasha is a main character who gets included in the adventure against her will because of her mother (who she always treats like absolute garbage). It also indicated that Sasha’s mother suffered from depression and Sasha still speaks horribly to her own mother who tries to be nice to her. I know there are “moody” tweens but there is a difference between feeling moody and just being an abusive child who abuses parents and anyone else around them.

My problem with the movie is how they normalised Sasha and her toxic behaviour, making it seem like it’s completely normal to gaslight and harass others like that.

For example, Wreck it Ralph is hard for me to watch as it has triggers to me as well but it handles them in a very respectful way. Vanellope and Ralph’s bullies are not portrayed as villains or heroes of the story, but as extremely hard obstacles they need to try and overcome as they learn to accept themselves for who they are. Barbie took the bullying behaviour and normalised it and treated it as if it’s normal and a perfectly ok and acceptable thing to do.

More people die because of suicide in my country than from car crashes and shark attacks combined. The majority of these suicides are actually teenage girls who have been bullied by girls who are exactly like Sasha.

Aside from that the movie was alright, I expected it to be a bit more funnier tbh. But this was extremely problematic of them to do that. My mother also agrees and hates Sasha as she can see so much of my bullies in her as well. That scene with Barbie was like 12 year old me going to a group of other 12 year olds girls only to get chewed out like that.

So yeah, Barbie is problematic because of that. I’m sorry but this had to be said. I would have enjoyed the movie but Sasha’s character completely ruined it for me. What makes me angry is the fact she gets away with it. This type of behaviour is not ok and shouldn’t be shrugged off or considered normal. Sasha didn’t even apologise to Barbie and there was nothing that showed her how bad that sort of behaviour is. It normalises bullying and as a survivor from being badly bullied, this is a major insult to me and also a bad trigger. Mean girls like that need to been spoken to about how bad that behaviour is and how harmful it can be as well, it shouldn’t be shrugged off otherwise more and more girls like me will experience bullying.

#barbie #barbie the movie #anti bullying #bullying #tw vent #tw trauma #tw suicide #suicide #bullied #trauma #mental health #trigger #triggers #problematic

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justasmallbloginabigklainefandom · 9 months

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@sohereswhatyoumissedlastweek ugh yeah I find it despicable. Obviously, there was a reason for this shit but UGH ramblings under cut

Like I haven't been shy on this webbed site about my sister's ex boyfriend and how absolutely horrid he was and I haven't even published everything, but recently I was talking with someone about how this surveillance of my sister just goes against my values. The tracking app, the financial control, checking phone logs etc. etc. etc. and when the abuse was actually happening, I hated that it was justified. We would freak the fuck out if we didn't know where she was, cause we had no idea where this ass would take her. This dude would suck her dry financially so if my parents hadn't put a cap on her spending, she'd have nothing. She would lie and tell us she dumped him, only for my mum to see that they've called on a daily basis. I think the biggest reason I was okay with it for the time being was for the fact that my sister knew of it and she consented to it. At first, my mum wanted to put a tracker on her phone without her knowledge and I put a fucking end to that, cause I told her that my sister is a much better tech savvy so she'd find out and whatever trust that was left between my mum and sister (cause hey that dude would also isolate the fuck out of her and villify us) would be fucking shattered (and he would then have an opportunity to use that to isolate her even more). I do think she felt pressure to consent to it, same as the kids of your reply, but SHE KNEW.

So I hate it. I have always hated it. I am a huge advocate of my sister's independence BUT ALSO it was a WEIRD FUCKING TIME

But luckily (LUCKILY) we have survived that. He's gone. After the third time the police had to intervene, he fucked off. And I know my mum is kinda scared, still. I am too. My mum and I actually discussed this recently, how we're in a way traumatised by this as well. I still freak the fuck out when we can't reach her. I feel panic when I hear her on the phone and I can't fully figure out what she's saying. BUT ALSO we need to give her the space to continue her life as well. So my dad and I also tell my mum to let it go. She is 22, she has a new partner who treats her well, she lives on her own, she don't owe my parents shit. But my mum still gets mad at her when she doesn't tell her her location and at this point, I am angry at that. I find my mother's annoyance unreasonable.

BUT YEAH, even without abuse, this tracking shit has been normalised. I remember when we just got the tracking app and my aunt immediately forced my cousins to install it too. They were 12 and 9 back then, but they're turning 16 and 14 and honestly I think they're at the age that they should not be under constant surveillance for the reasons mentioned in those tumblr posts. But I also think parents see nothing wrong with this? My mum was also gushing over this app to a friend of hers, and this friend immediately shut her down as well, citing her kids' privacy etc. etc. and my mum kept trying to convince her of how amazing it is that parents can now do this, but this friend didn't budge and countered that they didn't have this when they were kids and that it also stumps kids' development. And I liked that this friend shut her down, cause yeah, this friend's kids were adults back then (same as me and my sister) and it demolishes my mum's argument of "you don't understand, cause you don't have kids", which she says to me all the time.

And maybe I don't, not fully. And I can concede that tracking apps can give parents some peace of mind, but I still think the cons heavily outweigh the pros, especially since my sister is a goddamn adult, not a 9 year old child, so TL;DR: what the FUCK

#replies #sohereswhatyoumissedlastweek

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thedreadvampy · 1 year

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got some Feelings as I do whenever Nonce Discourse arises about like. how everyone acts like it's an unusual evil that adult men predate on teenagers. like that it's something rare and shocking that's done by evil interlopers. when the truth is it's fucking. baked into so much of British culture. it's everywhere. and if you think it's not then you are not fucking looking.

blaming it on the reactionaries' scapegoat du jour - gay people, trans people, migrants, Muslims, Asians, etc - is so fucking pathetic when so many people have been abused as kids from so many people.

like with the far right riots in Kirkby so much of what I'm seeing on social media is 'oh well most people in the crowd aren't RACIST they don't HATE MIGRANTS they're just WORRIED ABOUT NONCES' and it's like oh aye? so you reckon all of these guys step in when their fuckin 40 year old pals hit on a 14 year old? you reckon they're as concerned about the way white British men born and bred in Liverpool behave towards girls?

bc like I've not ever lived in the north west but my experience back home suggests uhhhhhhhh not so much. and I know I'm not alone in this cause I've got friends from all over the country who have had abuse by adult men similarly normalised in their communities when they were teenagers. it is a MASSIVE problem all across this country and if the kinds of people who are always sounding off about Muslim or Asian or Polish or refugee or queer Child Groomers spent a single iota of that energy addressing the systemic abuse happening in their own homes and from their own pals maybe something would actually change.

cause I tell you what man the amount of (cishet white native-born Local Type White Working Class) adult men with girlfriends who are still in school, or men who I have literally seen commit sex crimes, who go on and on about how the only source of rape or abuse or child grooming in this country are [insert reactionary target here] and how they are uniquely evil for it is like. it's fucking incredible.

like why do we CARE if it's true what this guy did, when it goes unremarked by literally everyone when white British men do the same shit or much worse day in and day out? why would one migrant dude doing something awful justify targeted attacks on a whole bunch of vulnerable people tarred with the same brush, but for literally like 10 people I know not only didn't get All White English Men Labeled As Predators when the grooming and assault they suffered was brought to light, but actively got shunned by their community in favour of the guys abusing them? like I have seen families CELEBRATE men in their 30s and 40s fucking their 16 year old daughters but no sure the call is coming from outside the house.

'maybe they're just concerned about nonces' my arse. if you were actually concerned about nonces you wouldn't be shrugging it off or cheering it on in your own community. cunts.

#red said

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traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors · 1 year

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tw pedo, confusion, family.

sometimes i feel like my dad may be a pedo. not that i caught him with any porn of that sort, his stash was completely adult related when i used to see it scattered around the house and what not. i was hyper as a child and unfortunately viewed such things every time. he's never done anything to me that i know of, except once he roughly spanked me as a teen which i felt very violated from in a bad way type of touch feeling. i was pretty confused.. they also shamed me for being sexual (getting caught in school making jokes with a friend and drawing dicks n writing things about teachers) which they ended up seeing and ofc i felt guilt bc they were disappointed in me and shamed me, banned me from watching shows and what not. couldn't even have a phone bc they didn't trust me. this was up til 11 years old to 14.

ive been sexualised my whole life. shaming me for wearing clothes that expose my figure, I was only 14 when an uncle apparently commented on me saying how im dressed inappropriate bc he can see my shape.. mind you, i was fully clothed head to toe. i didn't know about this until my parents mentioned it in anger, implying its my fault basically. yeah u get the gist of it. my whole life ive felt uncomfortable. getting looks from people and even my own family.

i remember being in my early 20s my mom mentioned this to me bc I said how my dad would be harsh. she said its bc of ur actions, also holding what i drew and wrote in school still against me. i was only 11/12?? but what's even crazy, she said i wrote those things about my own dad. yes. my mind was shocked how she could even say such things. and yet she believed that even tho I said it wasn't even about anyone except a teacher. so, i know my mom holds jealously and resentment of this. probably thinking ill steal her man vibe, which is gross. I felt extremely gaslight, I always have with them.

since their messed up minds think that idk if that's why he behaves weird with me. i know he's a pervert but this is just. there was a show we would watch and he was very obsessed with the girl. (She was 17, same age as me) and i found that so bizarre. my mom simply didn't gaf. I even said its wrong but no one cares. his obsession was unhealthy, finding pics of her and searching up explicit scenes of her which I found on his search.

its like its so normalised. she's like the age of ur daughter wtf. ig since then its just been confusing for me bc I've been gaslight badly. idk if i ever got abused by him bc i don't really remember such happening. i only had a sexual dream with him once which was strange. he does take offguard pics of me which I hate and tell him to delete but he never does. he gives me weird looks and i hate dressing up bc of it. they make me feel ashamed of myself and disgusted. I feel like a whore, like im begging for this.

I'm glad I haven't had any weird touches or anything, but its still uncomfortable with the energy that lingers around. like im always reminded when they give me certain looks esp my mom. i feel like im going insane just thinking of everything. i wish things were normal but they really ain't are there

Hi anon,

I'm so sorry about what you've been through.

I can see how being shamed for being sexual or making sexual jokes may have influenced the way you view your own sexuality, especially at such a formative age. It's saddening and frustrating to hear that your family seems to normalize victim blaming. It's gross that your uncle made that comment, not only because you were a child, but because it implies he was looking to see your "shape". The comments that your mom made towards you are not okay either. The things that you found out about your dad are also quite disturbing and predatory.

Even if you dad hasn't touched you or anything like that, he still does some harmful things and it's valid to be upset or traumatized by that. I think a lot of this, especially with the example of your uncle, could count as sexual harassment.

It makes sense to be uncomfortable with the environment that your family creates. Your wish for things to be normal is completely understandable, and I'm sorry you've been having to put up with this. Please know that there's nothing you could've done to deserve being abused, and you don't deserve to be disgusted at yourself for things that aren't your fault.

If anyone has any comments or suggestions, feel free to add on. Otherwise, I hope I could help, and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

#mod bun #trauma talks #tw abuse #tw child abuse #tw emotional abuse #tw sa #tw csa #trauma details

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magnoliamyrrh · 1 year

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i was sexually abused as a child, it happened in kindergarten and because of the culture of silence and fear that was instilled in 5yo me and not wanting to bother my dad lest he would want to spend even less time with me, i had no brains to protect myself. when the abuse became known to my teacher, they did little to protect me and my mother had to go through hell to change things for me. in my memory the culprit was a classmate of mine, who would also get other boys to watch, but for the longest time i have the blurry memory that there was an adult there, a cook lady also involved in different capacities, laughing, telling him what to do and staying with me afterwards, opening the closet door for him, even holding me touching me, its all so blurry. she also would not let me go piss to the point where i pissed myself and sat in my soils for hours. it has made me disgusted with myself for remembering and for forgetting at the same time, and the fact that my whole family knew for the longest time and dismissed it as something small that i won't even remember and leaving it to my poor mother who had to deal with my wounds and trauma and nightmares and screams and detachment... imagining your 5yo having utis constantly and having to explain the situation to doctors makes me scream and i am still so angry and fearfull. i don't know how people have children

the boy who did it kept reminding me any time i would encounter him later in life, we went to the same school for two years when i was 7-8 and he would leave notes for me. and therapists have encouraged me to forgive and recognise he was also a child dealing with his own trauma and he did have to change groups because of what he did but i the pride he displayed is something i can't forget and it makes me lose faith in people any time my brain recalls it.

huge part of it is how mind-blowingly poor my country was in 2000s. our kindergarten group was 50 people with 2 teachers changing shifts, the cook had to take care of kids. and i feel this was largely preventable and i hate my family for putting me in that situation. and this is the first time im saying it, but i do, i do hate them. worse happened to me in the years after which was also ignored and minimized. i will never feel clean i will never feel normal i ran away so far and cringe at the thought of going back home and facing these buildings, the backdrop of my abuse.

i agree with you, we have so normalised sexualising children in the balkans, to the point where adults don't recognise sexual abuse as such. i grew up wanting to be ugly, wanting to be undesirable, i would fall on purpose so my legs scar, and keep my arms and pits hairy, i hid my face under my hair and cried for days when they forcefully cut it. i was glad when i broke my nose and even when I chipped my tooth because it made my smile all crooked. my mum was not talking to me, and sadly proclaimed it made me ugly. and i know it did, i knew it undercut my value but was that really so bad?my dad had always commented on my looks so much and how fat my ass is and how undesirable i am but from him it felt different. i had to walk that line my whole life and am completely exhausted.

tbh, ive never said it all so firmly and coherently, i am just dropping it here because i know you will understand and pray for me in your own way, the same i do when i experience your writing. i feel like all concrete that we have to walk on in this wretched world is seeing each other. nothing is unknowable and noone is invisible. and only thing that has helped me in my life has been knowing and seeing others, and letting their pain mark my soul in a prayer.

hey anon <3 i published this bc i wanted to give an answer and i think it can b helpful and a little less lonely at times for other ppl to hear other ppls experiences, but pls send me a message and let me know if you want me to delete this and i will

im really sorry for all that u went through. its just horrible and i wish you hadnt and im sorry and i wish i could give you a hug, but thank u for opening up to me. i do very much get it. im glad my rambelings have been of some comfort, thats part of why i keep this blog as a public diary and im rather unfiltered, bc id hope ppl who have been through similar things would find some solace in knowing theyre not. alone w it.... i thought i was alone w a lot of things for a such a long time.. i didnt say anything about anything for such a long time. youre right, you said it well. the world is so often such a cruel and cold, vile deranged nightmare and i think one of the only things that really matters is caring about other people and not letting all the bullshit kill your soul...one of the only things thats kept me sane is knowing other people who fucking get it. i hope finally being able to write it out has been of some help. i will v much keep u in my prayers <3 and feel free to reach out or vent anytime

... and yes the povery is in general a rly big issue in a lot of this and issues related to it i feel. growing up at my kindergarten it wasnt quite as bad, but we had two teachers to watch... 40+ kids at least and things would often get out of hand and yea, with us the cook or other random facility would often have to watch us too. as the years went on the school had less money and it got worse. i remember during naptime there wouldnt b enough teachers to watch us or theyd just fuck off and not care so this group of mean,, particularly girls but some boys would literally step on us and jump on us and say mean shit etc etc. and i remember for so many years going to the bathroom as girls was just a nightmare - wed all go together bc going alone was too dangerous and when we tried some of us ended up w boys trying to barge into the stalls and pulling at our underwear and trying to get their hands in more than once and we got sick of it,, so some girls would always have to stay in the door and try to keep it shut bc boys were so vehement on barging in. gross af, and it was scary, even at that age they were like demons and sex pests, and the teachers that were there far from did a good job at keeping that shit under control.... and im really sorry again. any adult who does that sort of shit is just deranged - the sort who work around kids only to have access to them and feel power. if it makes you feel a lil better, in kindergarten there was this woman who was particularly,,, cold, who just would not let me go to the bathroom during naptime for what seemed like no other reason than her being a cruel controlling bitch - which, having a bad bladder and utis and never being able to fall asleep, and being afraid to go to the bathroom at a normal time bc of the boys, i almost always needed to. and she wouldn't let me and shed insult me and threathen to beat me if i asked, i think one time at least she did actually beat me, so id either spend that time trying not to go which really fucking hurt, or not being able to help it and having to deal w the aftermath. and of course shed get mad at me for that too. gross and frustrating and i really hated her

.... but yea. i think the poverty and things being normalized in the balkans and children being more vulnerable are connected. like to an extent its an education and poverty issue bc not only is it normalized in society but many ppl have no idea what the signs of sa on a kid are, so they dont know what to look out for even if they cared, and they're not educated on ,, basic child psychology. or theyre so overworked they dont have the time, or they emigrate to another country to work and leave their kids with extended family who also dont know.... even the huge trafficking issue we have. so much of that has to do w poverty and desperation and taking advantage of vulnerable poor kids and teens. even the teen pregnancy and high infant mortality rate we have,, lack of education, poverty, and the normalization of adult men sleeping w teenage girls.....most of the women in my family think 12-14 year old girls can consent to adult men its absolutely fucking wack, but i guess considering we had child marriages and bridal kidnappings barely any time ago, thats bound to b the case........ youre right. what you went through and what i went through could have absolutely been preventable if things werent so overcrowded and there was proper supervision and facilities and education around this sort of stuff

....

im sorry the adults near you failed to protect you, and im sorry your family failed to protect you. youre totally right to be angry and pissed off, i get why u blame them and hate them. it was indeed their responsability, and all they did was minimize and diminish your pain... im glad to hear your mother stuck up for you though... it really is painful. so many balkan adults seem to think they can do basically anything they want to children and it wont matter - like theyre some sort of toys or things or property idk - this idea that they're too young or its not that bad is so stupid when infact children are so much more impacted by things than adults are. you deserved better than them. and on the flip side it just. sucks to hear them defend this sort of behavior. i remember id complain abt boys being sex pests but it was always dismissed as Me not being nice to them or some stupid bullshit abt how thats how they show affection or theyre just stupid or theyre just cute or whatever, ive heard it all. it was maddening. in elementary school we had this boy in our class who was particularly bad. i think he must have been watching pornography already. hed make the grossest sexual comments twoards us, hed grope us, etc. i think it took like two bloody years for him to finally be switched out of the classroom, noone rly cared for the longest time and kept making excuses until finally my friends mom had enough .... it really is insane to think of the sheer amount of shit thats been normalized in the balkans. treating your kids like property, beating them, insulting them, sexualizing or groping or molesting them, letting other kids do that to them, letting adult men have relations w teenage girls??? - and if you speak out against any of it, youre in the wrong. seven fucking hells, for gods sake i keep just sitting around wondering what the hell is wrong with us

.. also thats also always a thought that drove me insane. i cant imagine having a child and finding out she went through the things i did. it already freaks me out to b around little kids bc i always just remember what i went through and hope to god theyre ok and safe... i think i would actually lose it and start killing. i have no damn idea how so many others can just b so careless abt a childs pain

and also.. you dont. have to forgive him... i think you have to forgive yourself, you know? even in this message - you didnt have the brains to protect yourself.. girl, you didnt need to have the brains to protect yourself, you didnt fail at protecting yourself and that's why this happened.... its not your fault. you were five for gods sake, dont put that on yourself please <3 ....personally ive never liked when therapists say shit like that. you and i have been molested and yet we havent molested any kids, so whats their fucking excuse, huh? for all the shit ive been through ive never taken it out on anyone like that, so whats theyre excuse? there isnt one.... and especially the shit w reminding you afterwords is just so cruel, its outright sadistic... i know what you mean abt recalling it and losing faith in humanity, its hard not to when youve seen some of its worst and cruelest and sickest sides.... it always makes me lose faith when its in partical kids being.. borderline fucking evil, like this shit, or the increse in boys raping younger girls. this species has an inclination twoards sadism and cruelty, and particularly men and boys seem to. its bone chilling and vile. but. but.... for all of the cruelty and depravity of humankind, there has most certainly been a moving level of empathy, care, and beauty, and i do think... most ppl.. want to be good and strive to b good. i think most people are born good idk

.... but many of us sure as fuck have seen a lot of the bad. i know it only helps so much to hear, because i know the skin crawling disgust that all this breeds. it feels like being fucking cursed or banded or marked or diseased or something, like something is just instrinsically wrong and unclean with you... i never feel like ill be some sort of near normal either. never have been and never will be - but i try to just live with that.. it is what it is. but.. youre no more disgusting, or gross, or dirty or pathetic than i am,.. you know? youre not. those things can only be said abt those who did this to you. im sorry it all turned out like this, but.. idk. im glad that it sounds like you're away from your family. i hope youre safe and in a better place where you can heal from all this. sorry i kinda rambeled on, but im sending you hugs and may some peace and rest from all this come your way soon <3

#also. i totally get wanting to b ugly #i did the same thing too. id wear loose clothes and not cut my hair or wear it weird and not shave and id get bruises and id cut and starve #myself. i didn't want to be attractive. i wanted to look monstrous and undesirable. i always got shit for it too #..... fuked up to grow up w beauty being such an important and prised thing that when u dont got it youre treated as lesser

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ssaalexblake · 2 years

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i’ve officially watched far enough into s4 of stranger things to know for sure y’all going on about how the Max plot was minimising how fucked up that family was just totally lack an understanding of abuse and trauma.

Do you Really think every abuser sits around in seething hatred for their victim? Do you think you can’t abuse people you love? Billy’s dad left because he couldn’t stand to live there without his son. He abused his son. These two things can and will coexist. Is that galling? Yeah, but it’s true.

Also... if Billy was a parent and treated Max the way he did, you’d be lining up to point out it was abuse. People don’t Seem to want to use the word because he was ‘just’ a sibling, but he was abusing her in the same way he’d learnt to be abused by his father. Cyclical violence.

Max lacks this perspective. When you live in this type of environment you normalise it for your survival, instead of escaping said environment and learning from the perspective of a healthy environment in the future that what happened during her childhood was horrific, she instead witnessed Billy be killed Violently and traumatically in front of her face, as he saved one of her friends’ lives.

So now she’s traumatized And feels bad about still hating him! She has survivors guilt, ptsd, and is depressed as hell, she is borderline suicidal. She even says out loud that they hated each other, she Knows this, her feeling like she also died that day is her not understanding her depression and grasping at straws at the only solid thing she knows happened; That Billy died.

She has meetings with the councillor, but due to what happened when he died she cannot be honest with her and get proper therapy, so she’s stuck with no help Nor perspective on her own feelings. She thinks her being sad and traumatised over how he died means that maybe she did something wrong, maybe She should be dead.

She’s wrong, but her feeling this way makes total sense. Max having a trauma response to witnessing him die violently in front of her and then having her whole family life fall apart is not dismissing that the family unit was toxic and abusive. The show had her state that she didn’t like Billy, and that since her stepdad left that life is better because he’s an awful man.

What I mean is... Max is displaying understandable behaviour considering her personal knowledge. This is A) the 80′s with an 80′s understanding of psychology And B)Max would have no personal access to said knowledge anyway Because it’s the 80′s. We as the audience know better, but... This is from Max’s perspective. We’re meant to grasp that she would understand less as a child in the 80′s with no useful help or information sources.

#danni watches stranger things #stranger things spoilers #this is a ... pet peeve #none of y'all Get sibling abuse #bc if you say 'yeah my sibling is abusive' ppl shove it under a rug bc siblings are assholes right?#.... not like that #bleh.#anyway max is Fine thanks leave the kid alone #and the writing in this case #they knew what they were doing.#abuse mention cw #suicidal ideation cw

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zackieboyo · 2 years

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that moment when a pro-sh!pper interacts with your stuff 🤢🤮

I'm a minor, dude, you're ok with normalising the sexualisation of minors via media that paints such sexualisation in a positive light? you're a pedo or you're a child being groomed by pedos. why would you like the idea of a child being sexualised? like it's not a normal feeling to have go to a fucking therapist.

funny thing was this moron also had "AAM" aka "adult attracted minors" in their DNI list aka... normal people?? like- minors who feel romantic attraction(as not all people experience romantic attraction and that's normal and valid) are most likely going to be attracted to people around their age or older, younger is wrong because the person is much less developed than you and humans are wired to NOT be attracted to humans significantly less developed physically and mentally, which is part of the reason WHY being a pedophile is wrong, it's inherently harmful for both the pedophile and especially the minor they are attracted to, it's an uncontrollable sexual desire that is literally classified scientifically as a mental illness. a minor being attracted to an adult is extremely normal, it's part of growing up for someone with romantic attractions, in fact it's a GOOD sign(again, specifically for kids with romantic attractions) as it shows their attractions are developing and not stuck at a certain age. it's so disgusting how these freaks will pretend that children are disgusting for being normal ass people just growing up while they're the mentally ill sickos who wanna fuck kids, which is ACTUALLY HARMFUL.

"wah wah they're fictional" and? you're getting turned on by a character your brain perceives as a child.

"wah wah what about violence in fiction!" it's usually showcased in a negative or unrealistic light, and if it's not it's by an edgy teen who's trying to cope with their knowledge of death in an unhealthy way, showing a naked kid doing a hentai face or getting raped by an adult as "cute" or "hot" is showing pedophilia in a positive light and has ONLY negative effects. violence shouldn't be shown as positive either, but the thing is, again, it almost NEVER is. slapstick is unrealistic cartoonishness which helps humans to remove themselves from the violence, it's also usually in retaliation to another character trying to hurt them, as in, it's self defense.

"wah wah it's my coping mechanism because I'm a CSA survivor!" and it's been proven to be an unhealthy coping mechanism, it's literally your brain trying to normalise those acts so they feel less gross and awful, but they WERE gross and awful and your brain should KNOW that, and PROCESS that rather than hide from it via unhealthy coping. get a therapist, and if your therapist is the one who suggested this terrible coping mechanism, get a different therapist. that sort of coping mechanism is what turns CSA survivors into the abuser themself, there's several accounts of people who were raped as children becoming attracted to children later in life because of it.

"wah wah anti!" GOOD. I FUCKING LOVE BEING AN ANTI. I HATE PEDOPHILES AND SO SHOULD LITERALLY EVERYONE. aww antis harass you? good. you're literally giving pedophiles an in to groom kids with of you're not the pedophile yourself(which you most likely are) and both of those options mean you absolutely deserve to be "harassed", you actually deserve to be ARRESTED, so consider yourself LUCKY that all that happens is people you can block at any time rightfully telling you how disgusting you are. fucking kill yourself assholes, you make the internet a safespace for child rapists.

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