#I still can't watch S3 without crying

[tropicalcryptid]

My Favorite Detail in Farscape is [Spoilers!]

Ok for real spoilers for the entire show including Peacekeeper Wars, so I'll put a gif here and you all agree to scroll on past if you don't want spoilers for a show that ended in 2004.

Ok, so for everyone still here, my all-time favorite detail in Farscape is one that I didn't catch until my second watch-through, and I don't think it's common knowledge in the fandom. (Edit: apparently it's more commonly known about then I realized! Obviously this is because Farscape fans are keen-eyed and insightful and starved for content lol). It's certainly never mentioned or pointed out in the show itself. But it's just so perfect that I get giddy everytime I think about it.

So after Crichton gets twinned, in "Thanks for Sharing," Crichton A gets injured in the bar explosion on that planet that puts lobsters on your head. He is left with a cut above his left eyebrow, and the resulting scar can be used to tell the two Crichtons apart for the rest of season 3 (Crichton A is the one on Talyn with Aeryn).

Wound in "Thanks for Sharing"

Scar visible on Crichton A

No scar on Crichton B aboard Moya.

(Also frell me it's hard getting clear pics / gifs for this show somebody get on that)

Anyway, the scar/injury is never really addressed after that first episode, it's just a super-subtle costuming detail that shows the two Crichtons are now living separate lives. Crichton A then dies after finally achieving everything he ever wanted, Aeryn is heartbroken, drama ensues. The question is raised and discussed often, with much angst: which Crichton was the real one? Did Aeryn fall in love with the original or the copy?

Of course, Crichton B eventually accepts that they were both "him" and yet both individuals too, and Aeryn eventually says "There is no longer any difference in my mind." So it's resolved, mostly.

BUT.

2.5 seasons later, at the end of "The Peacekeeper Wars" Crichton B finally activates the wormhole weapon. After Einstein unlocks the knowledge for him, he returns to Moya bloody and hurt. And for the rest of the movie, he has a wound, and then a scar--a small cut above his left eyebrow.

It's never mentioned. It happens right near the end, when obviously a lot of other things are going on. It's really, super easy to miss. But I think it's amazing. They both really were the real Crichton. And even when they split and began leading separate lives--their destiny was still the same. The timelines reunited, kinda, or two separate possible outcomes synced up. It's such a beautiful, perfect bow to wrap up one of the most emotionally powerful arcs in the show. I just love it. Farscape really is in a league of its own.

#farscape #john crichton #aeryn sun #Deep media analysis #long post #scifi #You guys this show is so frelling good #Nothing else like it #I still can't watch S3 without crying #Props to the makeup team idk whose idea it was but they did a good job

[isagrimorie]

i forgot that tilly was asked to be the first officer of discovery in the third season. and, I think how mind-blowing that is. i like discovery a lot but sometimes the writers make truly mind-boggling choices.

i forgot that tilly was just a cadet in s1 and then an ensign.

making her an (acting) first officer, while still an ensign, was a bizarre choice. (harry kim is crying somewhere)

especially since nilsson and rhys take control of the bridge when the command team is out.

unfortunately, the way discovery is configured we don't really know most of the bridge crew.

or, maybe it would have been better if a new character was introduced as their 32nd-century guide and as a temporary XO.

but also, who is the senior staff of discovery? do we know?

i assumed that culber was CMO all this time only to find out from interviews he wasn't the CMO.

stamets can't be the chief engineer since he's science division and he mans the spore drive function and not the whole ship. i assume its jett reno.

who was the head of security when nhan left? is it rhys??? why is booker (who I really like) memory alpha listed the head of security of discovery (season 4)??? he's not starfleet.

i just realized the whole problem why they got tilly as acting first officer is because I don't think any of the writers in seasons 2 to 3 of discovery sat down and solidified the hierarchy on the ship other than captain.

it's so nebulous and it doesn't need to be nebulous.

it's like how inconsistent the ranks are on SNW uniforms.

i know these are nitpicks but these are details that help build out the world. and it's such an easy thing to address too, it's frustrating they don't.

and this is on the discovery writers for not taking the time to iron it out. i understand they want to focus on different people and keep the heroics away from the bridge, other than saru and michael. but that doesn't excuse how lazily they went about it.

anyway this is just a bug bear that I stumbled on when I remembered how tilly was made into acting first officer of discovery. it didn't niggle at me back then but somehow rewatching voyager and a lot of other trek made me realize, I can actually pinpoint the line of command on each show but stumble on it when it comes to discovery seasons 3 and 4.

again, i think this is why season 5 is doing a great job. wilson cruz said that by season 5 he might as well be the CMO, so I'm taking that as canon.

this is what happens when every season and episode is just one story of crisis situations without any standalone downtime episodes.

(this is also a problem for picard s3. it's the single story and 10 episode thing. it ties the hands of writers.)

what i wouldn't give for a discovery episode where the ship is just doing routine maintenance. follow an engineering team down a jeffries tube, watch them have a boring senior staff meeting where all department heads report to michael.

(wait, have we seen discovery do a senior staff meeting scene?)

have rayner sit down and manage personnel.

honestly, i think the trek that does the best in doing personnel, handling extras, and making a realized world is still ds9.

#worldbuilding #star trek discovery #this is not a post trashing disco #please don't do that #this is juts me working out nitpicks

[ezras-left-thumb]

TBB S3 EPISODE 11 - POINT OF NO RETURN (Spoiler warning)

Alright, I didn't realise this week was a double episode!! More happiness and sadness for me and all other faithful fans!!!

Phee. You are in so much danger. I was literally sweating watching this scene. Oh shit, Clone Assassin I'm Convinced Is Tech found Pabu.

OH WAIT I FORGOT THOSE TWO CLONE KIDS CAME TO PABU. And Omega and Lyana hanging out again is so cute, but thank god they're leaving Pabu.

TECH'S GOGGLES? NO OMEGA NO. I WILL CRY. I DID CRY, I STILL AM CRYING.

CLONE X SPOTTED OMEGA NO. I can barely see my screen through the tears in my eyes. Wait why does he sound like Crosshair.

THE MARAUDER. NO. NO HE DID NOT. THE FUCKING MARAUDER????? HAVEN'T WE SUFERED ENOUGH AS A FANDOM. FIRST THE RAZORCREST AND NOW THE MARAUDER?

I don't think I've ever been more scared in my life. That Imperial cruiser in the clouds over Pabu? Terrifying. Wrecker almost getting blown to bits? Had me screaming.

ONLY ONE PERSON SAYS 'DOMICILE' INSTEAD OF HOUSE. LAST EPISODE WAS KINDA BORING AND UNEVENTFUL BUT THIS ONE? I CAN'T GO FIVE SECONDS WITHOUT TYPING. IT'S TECH. I'M SO CONVINCED.

Oh God he's gonna kill Shep. oh thank fuck i dont think i could survive if he shot shep.

FUCKING OMEGA??? WHAT??? NO!!! CROSSHAIR'S DESPERATION TO KEEP HER SAFE IS SO CUTE BUT THE PLAN IS A TERRIBLE IDEA AND I KNOW THEY'RE GONNA DO IT.

I knew it. I'm so done. I literally can't suffer anymore, but when Hunter finds out... absolutely freaking not.

he missed. oh my god. what??? no no no i can't do this

until next wednesday when my tear ducts can work again

#star wars #the bad batch #tbb s3 #tbb s3 spoilers #tbb s3 ep 11 #tbb hunter #tbb crosshair #tbb tech #tbb wrecker #tbb omega

[transmasc-rose]

Doctor Who Tierlist (as requested by @transgenderdoctorwhomst)

Curtis has been bugging me about my placement of Eleven for weeks so here is something objectively worse: a ranking of Doctors, companions, Torchwood crew, and Jackie.

(Don't take this too seriously. I like most of these guys a lot.)

Explanations under the cut for length

Rankings are a mix between "how well do I think they're written" and "how much do I like them" based on vibes and whims, and are not consistent in how much each matters.

Rose: Placing her on the chart would throw all of the other letter rankings off. She gets her own tier.

S (Eight, Nine, Amy): Top crowd who I think about too much without prompting.

Nine is my favourite New Who Doctor, first Doctor, ninerosejack, etc. Grumpy as hell with love in his heart. Also his season is my favourite season vibe-wise.

Eight is extremely bully-able, like a sopping wet cat, while also having some screwed up aspects to him. Vampire Science is great if you want to watch him have a toxic mind-melding relationship with a vampire, and I can't put him any lower after that.

Amy. 👍

A+ (Spy, Simm, Ianto): Could fight anyone in S for a spot, but I'm unwilling to crowd a rank that thoroughly.

If I was ranking the Master as a whole and the Doctor as a whole, the Master would win, but I'm not.

Ianto is here instead of S rank because I don't think he's quite well written enough to go there. I do, however, like him immensely.

A (Jack, TARDIS): Not fighting for S rank, but still very good.

The TARDIS isn't around enough for me to put her higher than this, but she's a lovely eldritch creature.

I like Jack more than Ten.

A- (Ten, Owen, Gwen): Not quite A material, but I'm still abnormal about them.

I like Ten less than Jack.

Owen has massive amount of character development in his series and is definitely the most interesting character in Torchwood.

Gwen is kind of a bitch, and I mean that in the most affectionate way possible. She is snarky and terrible and refuses to accept anything not going her way. Good for her.

Owen and Gwen could probably sit up in A with Jack, but I won't leave Ten alone like that.

B+ (River Song): I don't know enough about her to put her in the A's, but she has potential. Made me cry once.

B (Donna, Rory, Toshiko): Fun characters doing their own thing but I'm not feral over them.

Donna was probably the best choice for a Ten companion. She's neat. 👍

Rory was a plastic soldier for 2000 years. Depending on how they handle that later he could go up in the rankings or stay at B forever.

Toshiko should have had episodes about her job. She's the resident tech specialist. Why was every Toshiko-centred episode about her love life.

C+ (Eleven, Thirteen, Jackie): Cool in theory, okay in practice (+Jackie).

Technically I talk about and draw Eleven more than anyone in B or B+, but I'm the one in charge of the list, and I thought Rory (rank B)'s plastic soldier bit was more interesting than anything Eleven did in s5. Like I said: cool in theory, okay in practice.

C (Roberts!Master, Mickey Smith, Adam Mitchell): Did their jobs perfectly acceptably. No strong feelings in any direction.

C- (Yaz): I hear she gets better.

D (Graham, Ryan): I was incapable of getting emotionally attached to any of Thirteen's companions which was disappointing. Hoping they get better in the later seasons and at least bump up to C, but I'm not holding my breath.

Complicated: Characters I can't reasonably drop into any of the rankings.

Martha was not treated well by the narrative, and I didn't enjoy a lot of her episodes in s3. BUT when she IS treated well she's great. If you're a Martha liker, watch Torchwood. She gets to actually be a doctor.

Tentoo is interesting in theory/interesting in what could be done with him, but they don't actually try to do anything with him. I also have personal distaste for the end of Journey's End, but that's not the character's fault.

Haven't met them yet: I haven't met them yet. I hear good things about... pretty much all of them though. I expect to have Twelve and Clara pretty far up the list. The others I don't hear enough about to know yet.

#rose rambles #I was avoiding actually doing this but Curtis said I had to put this on tumblr #so he could 'send [me] anon hate' #about where I put Eleven. #so I went and threw this together

[its-chelisey-stuff]

here's the extremely biased recap of my 2023 in dramaland:

also, happy holidays and merry christmas to all who celebrate!!

favorite drama: Because I can never pick just one and I know, it's a weird combination lol:

Moving (kdrama) Perfect, from beginning to end. Breaks your heart and heals it at the same time. Delivers on action, plot, family and romance. SO much romance.

Dr Romantic (kdrama) saw S2&S3 back to back. If you're in pain, you only need Teacher Kim and the Doldam team.

My School President (thai drama) still obsessed with the ost till now. A simple coming-of-age love story, executed perfectly. On par with Heartstopper. There, I said it.

I spent my time rewatching instead of making posts about any of these lol

Favorite Male lead: Jang ShinYu (Destined with you, kdrama). Excuse you, that show had 99 problems, but Rowoon wasn't one of them.

Runner Up: Seo Woojin (Dr. Romantic, kdrama).

Favorite female lead: I'm gonna be honest, I think they did dirty most female leads, especially in Korea, but the women from Dr. Romantic were all exceptional. So they're my pick.

Favorite OTPs: DoHa&YoungHwa (Moon in the Day, kdrama). ALL the ships in Moving. TinnGun (My School President, thai drama). KiHo&MokHa (Castway Diva, kdrama).

Favorite period drama: Under the Queen's Umbrella, (kdrama).

Runner Up: The Forbidden Marriage(kdrama) Also, i have just realised I didn't see many period dramas this year, but many dramas had a past life, that has to count, right?

Best chaebol romance: The third finger offered to a King (jdrama). Shame on you Korea, you failed to deliver on your area of expertise.

Runner up: A boss and a babe (thai drama). My Demon (kdrama)

Best makjang to keep you at the edge of your seat: Perfect Revenge Marriage . Runner Up: Celebrity. I know it's not exactly a makjang, but idk how else to describe it.

Best Mother: The Queen (Under the Queen's Umbrella, kdrama). Half of her problems were created by her own children, poor woman.

best father: Adoptive dad, Castaway Diva (kdrama). The man was a saint.

Runner Up: Kim Sabu, Dr. Romantic. He has like 20 children among his medical staff lmao

Best Daddy: Joo In Sung, Moving. I don't have to explain lol

Most intense high school romance&story: The Eclipse (thai drama). Runner Up: Never let me go (thai drama)

Best Musical drama: My School President (thai drama).

Runner Up: Castway Diva. Park Eun Bin can do everything. What a Queen.

Best Cohesive storytelling imo: My Lovely Liar. Not the best, but pretty good overall. Runner Up: Sountrack No 2 (kdrama). Worst thing about this is that it was so short, I needed more!!!

Swetest down to earth love story: Hidden Love, cdrama.

Runner Up: HeartLiming in Moonlight Chicken (thai drama). And basically all the other couples in there. The Last twilight Series (thai drama).

Most tragic love story: Moon in the day, kdrama. The competition was strong, but I think falling in love with the man who killed your whole family and caused the downfall of your kingdom is hard to top. Plus, she had to kill him in the end. And it took 1500+ years to get their HEA.

best wtf did I just watch but why was it so fun: My man is cupid (kdrama). Runner Up: Fish Upon the Sky (thai drama)

Best Live Action: From me to you, jdrama. Cute coming of age story. I still prefer the 2010 movie though.

Dishonorable mentions:

Biggest what if: Justice in the Dark (cdrama). I can't talk about this without crying lol Runner Up: Till the end of the moon. I need cdramas to be 40+ eps again!

biggest disappointment: It is with a heavy heart that I must say the Legend of Anle (cdrama). Still, I had my fun with it. I will always be biased about GongJun lol Runner up: King The Land, i mean where was the plot??

messiest past lives story, the theme of the year in kdramas: See You in my 19th life. Runner Up: Destined with You.

#kdrama #moving #my school president #castaway diva #dr romantic 3 #thai drama #end of year drama review #cdrama #these are the shows that i actually finished mind you #there are a ton that i wanted to watch and couldnt find the time #then there are the ones that i basically watched through clips and gifs and posts

[echobx]

Timing - JJ Maybank × fem!reader

summary: reader is dealing with losing JJ after he went missing with the rest of the Pogues (end of s2! to start of s3!), leaving her and her heart behind

warnings: angst, visions of drowning (not detailed), delusions and visions because of malnutrition and depression

word count: 1.3k

author's note: I write angsty shit when I'm depressed. it's a theme.

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You're curled up in your bed, eyes burning red, nose runny, mouth slightly agape. The alarm clock on your nightstand reads 2:48am and you watch the minutes run.

Your dream has destroyed your peace. Peace as much as anyone can call your state of being such. There is nothing peaceful about the depression you have fallen into, nothing quirky about the way your body trembles at every touch, always reminded of him.

2:49am.

You know you should drink something to regain a tiny bit of strength and maybe fall back asleep, but when you drink you'll just be able to cry even more. So you don't. Maybe if you refuse to, it will end faster.

2:50am.

The branch outside your window keeps knocking against the glass. The same dull noise that his knuckles made almost every night. But you know it's not him. You know he's gone.

2:51am.

Maybe a shower would help. But you'd have to get up for that, so it's a no for the shower. No one there to jokingly say, “you're gonna shower without me, princess?”

2:52am.

If you'd look out of the window you'd see his bike, parked in the same spot where he'd left it that day. Quickly stopping by to tell you about a new lead. Telling you to not worry. Telling you to stay home because it probably meant nothing, and after all, it's too dangerous, he'd kill himself if something happened to you.

2:53am.

And your mind drifts back to sleep, exhausted from the pain and malnutrition.

“I'm sorry, I didn't mean to leave you, my love,” JJ is standing in front of your house. He looks as pretty as ever. Cut off shirt, cargo shorts, boots, his favorite red cap on backwards and a sorry smile on his face. But when you jump forwards into his arms you fall and you fall and fall and fall. Drowning, really. Sinking to the bottom of the ocean. His lost treasure, truly.

Maybe that's what you had signed up for unknowingly. A life of pain because you fell in love with a boy who couldn't sit still for the life of him.

“Hey, shhh, it's okay. I'm right here,” JJ’s voice is like music to you and when you open your eyes he's holding you close in his arms.

“Is this real? Are you really here?” you ask, close to tears.

“Of course I'm here. Where else would I be but with my favorite girl,” he laughs softly and kisses your forehead, but you can't feel it.

“This is a dream,” you remind yourself and sit up.

“Does it matter? I'm here now. You have me. Isn't that enough?” JJ asks and you press your hands to your ears and cradle your body, swinging back and forth in your seat.

“Not real. Wake up. Wake up!” you tell yourself and after some time it finally works.

The alarm clock reads 4:21am.

The sun is coming up soon. You think about how real it had felt before he had kissed you. You think about how much more comfortable it had been to drown than to be alive.

4:22am.

Maybe it's the dumbest thing ever, love. It's just too painful. You could do good without love.

4:23am.

Your favorite shirt of his doesn't even smell like him anymore.

4:24am.

In ten minutes it'll be four weeks that your parents had woken you up in panic to make sure you hadn't vanished the same way your friends had.

4:25am.

Your feet carry you to your closet. Getting dressed is methodical.

4:26am.

He left his keys. “So I have no choice but to come back to you, princess.”

4:27am.

You know your parents will wake up when they hear the engine of the bike, so you decide to push it for a bit, down the road and then you can get on.

4:28am.

He didn't park in neutral. Stupid boy. Stupid stupid boy who stole your stupid stupid heart.

4:29am.

The engine is louder than you expected. You see the lights turn on inside your home, but you're already gone by the time your parents have realized what you are doing.

4:30am.

Cold air stings when it shoots right into your teary face.

4:31am.

The sun is coming up in the distance, it's beautiful. You remember doing this with JJ. Staying up all night and driving around to see the sunset and come up again.

4:32am.

You stop at a red light although no one is there. JJ had started touching your ankles on the pegs every time he had to stop.

4:33am.

The Shack is sitting lonely at the sound. The hammock’s empty, the porch lonely and the pick-up orphaned.

4:24am.

Breaking and Entering is illegal actually. Not that you care, you've done worse with JJ by your side. You need a new shirt, maybe the ones in the closet here still smell like him. You need it like a drug addict seeks the next kick.

4:25am.

One month and no life sign. You should stop hoping. Stop wishing. Stop. “JUST STOP” you scream and fall down on the bed.

4:26am.

“I'm not even doing anything,” JJ whispers from next to you.

“Leave me. I don't want to love you anymore. It hurts so much. Please,” you cry and curl up on the bed, holding onto the shirt.

“I can't. You know why,” he whispers, lying opposite of you.

“I don't want it,” you cry and screw your eyes shut.

“All you gotta do is let go,” JJ whispers.

“I don't know how to not love you,” you hush and reach out for him, but there's nothing there. You're alone.

6:34am.

Ghosts don't know how to make dishes clatter.

6:35am.

You pinch yourself before walking out of the bedroom, making sure it's not another dream.

6:36am.

It has to be a dream. Gotta be. No other explanation.

6:37am.

He hasn't turned around yet. It's a dream. It's a dream, has to be. 5.3% chance that he's real, maybe less.

6:38am.

You take the baseball bat that stands next to the bedroom door in your hand. Ghosts don't feel pain.

6:39am.

You don't know what hurts more, JJ's head or your heart.

6:40am.

“Jesus fucking Christ, who the fuck is trying to murder-” he spins around, one hand still holding onto the bat to stop it from hitting him again.

6:41am.

You can hear your head hitting the wooden floor as you go down.

11:57am.

Hospital beds are not comfortable. The lights are harsh. Your head is screaming.

11:58am.

Someone is holding your hand. Rings, familiar ones at that. You blink slowly. How is this real?

11:59am.

“My ghost keeps torturing me,” you whisper and he turns his blonde head around to you. Furrowed brows and blue eyes stare back at you.

12:00pm.

“You got ghosts? Can I get one too?” JJ smiles and you shake your head.

“You're my ghost, there's no ghost who needs ghosts.”

“Could a ghost do this?”

12:01pm.

His lips are pressed to yours and you can feel it. Hot and heavy and not a dream. Not a Dream. Not. A. Dream.

12:02pm.

“I'm sorry, I didn't mean to leave like that, and when we came back I wanted to clean up first. But you got to me quicker,” JJ whispers. “I wish I could turn back time and take you with me.”

12:03pm.

I love you's are underrated. You could hear him mumble it against your lips until you die. And when you say it back he smiles wider.

12:04pm.

Your parents yell at you for running out, but you don't care, you have your ghost. And this time, everyone else can see your ghost too. Everyone can see how much he loves you, and you him.

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please don't copy and/or post my work onto other platforms! ~e©ho

taglist: @ijustwantttoread @spideysimpossiblegirl @redhead1180 @princessmaybank @kys4-20 @drwstarkeyy @immyowndefender @julczimozart

#jj maybank #obx #my writing #~fanfiction #~blurb #outer banks #obx fanfiction #jj maybank x reader #jj maybank x you #jj maybank imagine #jj maybank x y/n #jj maybank angst #angst

[frecklystars]

i think starscream would pick you every time. you were both abused. hes not going to do what she wants. he would hate her for how she treated you, honestly. in fact i think he misses making you feel special, but he understands why youre going through it. he misses and loves you more than life. he'll always choose you. hed see himself in you.

You sent me this last night when I was crying my eyes out, I hope you don't mind I wanted to keep it in my inbox a while longer because it soothed me so much. I have had the firm and genuine belief in my soul that Starscream would want to hurt me and betray me, for so many months now. Hearing someone else tell me that he wouldn't hurt me, he'd love me... it just means so much. I haven't heard people say that in almost 9 months. This is partially why I wanted to come back to tumblr, because I have only heard someone putting me down and making me feel horrible about myself for almost a year, I was hoping there'd still be some kind souls out there such as yourself who would try to tell me I'm still worthy of his love. I want to feel loved by him again so, so badly. I want to be worthy of him. I love him more than anything in the world and I miss self shipping. And I cannot tell you how much it means to me that you took the time out of your night (or day... timezones) to write this out and send it to me. Thank you.

That last part really resonated with me, that he'd see himself in me... I remember when I broke up with someone who heavily mistreated me about 4 years ago. I was such a mess. A year after the breakup, I met Starscream, and seeing him get abused on screen so blatantly, it made me think "oh my god, there I am". Seeing him angry for his abuse, it made me feel so fucking validated. It was my first and only time seeing a character who was abused actually get to express their anger. I gravitated toward that and he helped me heal from that experience, it's why I made my Saving Starlight AU. Now my anger for my abuser from 4 years ago, almost all of that anger has completely vanished, and I owe it to Starscream to holding my hand and guiding me through that pain. But now, I've been through this abuse all over again from someone who I really trusted, and... now I am so scared to go to Starscream for comfort, because I've been conditioned to believe that he wouldn't comfort me. My perception of my own comfort characters have been warped into ugly demonic nightmares of how much they want to hurt me. My own self ships feel like such a joke to me. Starscream would comfort me from this very thing, of all things he'd understand, it'd be this. and yet I can't bring myself to believe he would want to give me love and affection anymore, not when the person who betrayed me made me believe so wholeheartedly that I'm not worthy of it.

I really want to believe that he wouldn't hurt me just because someone else ordered him to. I never used to doubt his love for me, now i feel like that's the only thing I know how to do. I miss him so much and I know he's still in me somewhere, I know his love is still pure and unconditional for me, I just don't know how to feel it again. I don't know how to heal yet, everything hurts so bad so constantly. But it is very comforting to read your words, to know that he'd... understand how I'm feeling.

He was scared too. He was so scared in season 3 and the movie, he wasn't himself. He was... so unlike himself, to the point where I couldn't bear to watch it at all, I have always avoided s3 + the movie like the plague because seeing him in so much distress made me feel so sad. He was such a broken, fragile mess, just like me now. I'm not myself anymore either. I hate myself now, I never used to hate myself before. I feel so unworthy and like I can't be strong enough. Starscream felt this way too. For so long, I wanted to be there for him when he felt this way. Now I hope one day I can imagine him truly being here for me too. I really don't know what to do without him. It's so lonely and empty without him, I need him now more than ever. I just really hope and pray that when my ptsd feels less severe, when the triggers stop feeling as severe, my mind will make more room for joy and make more room for my TFP F/Os again.

#anonymous #asks #keepsake #anon you helped me so much last night. thank you so much #you were the only one who reached out. to my inbox like this at least #it was late on a sunday night at like 4am so i really didnt expect anyone to hear me #but you did and you took the time to type this and it brought me some comfort #i cant tell you how badly ive needed support for 9 months now ive been so alone #thank you for helping me feel heard and seen #i know its so silly because starscream is fictional #but i really really need him. i need my f/os. and being scared of them is such a horrible feeling #i want to overcome this and become stronger. for him!!! for my starlight #even if i lose everything else and if i can never love anyone else again #i just want starscream back

[atomicpoetrymusic-blog]

Just wanted to say my piece about hsmtmts s3 as a whole, and why it means so much to me. This is a full on ramble (what can I say, I shouldn't have gotten started), so don't feel obligated to read.

This show has been so important to me recently, as I have been going through a lot in my personal, professional and general life. 'Finally Free' and 'Here I Come' in particular mean the world to me, I honestly cry when I listen to them.

Secondly, I just absolutely adore Rina. There is something so special about this relationship, and though I have a couple issues with that final scene, I have to say the build up over the seasons was beautiful (and super frustrating, but in a good way). Josh and Sofia have such great chemistry, and the characters are so wonderfully written, it's insane. As a writer, I want to have this level of skill. I feel like I can't fit all my thoughts on Ricky and Gina into an overview of what I enjoyed, so I'll move on.

I really liked the new characters, especially Jet and Maddox, and was so happy with the brief appearances from the other cast members (especially Seb and Big Red). Although I never particularly liked or connected with Nini (nothing to do with Olivia, Nini just wasn't my cup of tea), her goodbye scenes were really well done and made me emotional.

I really like that Redlyn both came out, but were still happy in their own relationship. They clearly love each other, and are comfortable enough with each other to be open and honest, which is honestly so nice to see. Whether they further explore that or not, it was a sweet way to end the season for them. I also just love the fact that we see Ashlyn go on this whole journey of discovering her sexuality, and then Big Red just swoops in after not being seen for ages, casually announces "I'm bi" on an international stage, and then just dips. Honestly, so in character for both of them, I love it.

I myself have struggled with anxiety for pretty much my whole life, so Kourtney's arc has also meant a lot to me. I genuinely sobbed when I watched 'Let It Go' (the song, not the episode). It also goes to show that even if you put up a brave exterior, or are interested in performing, you can still have these nerves (as a shy, introverted theatre kid when I was younger, I can relate), and also that they can persevere, even if you have made steps to reduce the fear.

Carlos's body image issues are also something I can relate to, and I liked how they handled it, though I think it should be touched on more next season, if only briefly. It felt a little pushed under the carpet in favour of moving the plot along - due to episode lengths, budgets and behind the scenes stuff, I completely understand why, it just felt a little underdeveloped.

Because I am a diehard Rina shipper (and have been since season 1), EJ's plot this season has been harder for me to digest, but I think the writers handled it fairly well. We have seen in previous seasons how he feels undervalued by his dad (Cash Caswell is a terrible father, and I will stand by this), and EJ's struggle to achieve perfection is really quite difficult to see, as he just keeps being let down by his dad over and over again.

Ultimately, I think he needs to develop himself without a romantic relationship to fall back on. EJ needs to learn who he wants to be in his current stage in life, and focus on himself. I do agree that he hasn't had the recognition he deserves for directing and featuring in the show, but he also didn't take into account what others (especially his girlfriend) were feeling about how he was treating them, and he, like Gina did before him, needs to find balance between achieving his goals and maintaining healthy relationships. Another reason why Portwell just aren't suited to each other right now.

Jet and Maddox's sibling relationship was also pretty well done, and I love that by the documentary promo release, they are basically the epitome of sibling culture - teasing, but ultimately caring. As a little sister myself, it felt natural and sweet, and Maddox teasing Jet about his crush on Kourtney is absolutely something I would do to my brother. Saylor and Adrian definitely both exude big sis/little bro vibes when they're together, and were well cast, specifically as siblings.

I also liked the Ricky aspect of the Jet/Maddox dynamic, and what it meant to his character as a whole. Ricky, being the sweet sunshine child he truly is, tries to get to know Jet, despite knowing nothing about him, in an attempt to 'wear his dark soul down'. He really believes that he can get through to Jet, even though most of the others are wary.

This is a pattern with Ricky, it seems, as he has also attempted to break down the barriers with Lily, and actually succeeds at getting through to Gina. Though his relationships with each of these characters are different (and have different meanings not just to the audience, but to Ricky as well), it shows, rather than tells, that Ricky is the kind of person who sees the good in people and actively tries to encourage that goodness. This is character writing at it's finest, and the writing team should be proud.

I saw somewhere that Ricky's interfering in the sibling rivalry was because he, as a child of divorce, had the idea that getting 2 people in a room will magically get them back together and everything would be ok. As a child of divorce myself, this take hit me hard, but I can't say I disagree. It is quite interesting how this sort of behaviour and thinking can develop over the passage of time, and I think it was well-executed.

Gina, as well, has had really good character writing. Despite it being her 'Summer of Firsts', she shows how mature she can be, not just in her breakup scene with EJ (which was very well done), but also in taking Emmy and Alex under her wing. Despite the slight missteps in her approach to begin with, she ultimately helped Emmy out of her shell, and supported her through her nerves. Gina really did manage to find balance between wanting a leading role, while also being there for others, and it was done in a way that felt natural.

This is nowhere near everything I have felt and observed about this show, but I'm happy for now.

In conclusion, I love this silly little Disney show more than I probably should, and I can't wait for season 4.

#hsmtmts #ricky x gina #rina #gina porter #ricky bowen #ej caswell #ashlyn caswell #carlos rodriguez #kourtney greene #hsmtmts s3

[rosyronkey]

what’s ur favorite hannibal season finale? 1, 2 or 3? cmon bestie write an essay i crave reading meta this evening

actually let me think my little thoughts and write something worth reading for once

and uh i haven't seen these in months since my dad canceled our Hulu subscription so if i mess shit up please tell me

considering the fact that you wrote a mizumono analysis, i'd think you'd understand why that episode is fucking revered and so impactful to will and hannibal's relationship. throughout season two they'd been building a relationship mostly built on lies and distrust (considering will was going back and forth between him and jack), but something darker too that they could see in each other and will was slowly coming into himself through killing and their sessions and everything. to see hannibal's heartbreak in the finale, the villain that we have gotten closer to but still can't fully empathize with from an outside prospective (at least. i should hope not he's terrible) is gut wrenching. it's almost like you didn't realize you were rooting for them until it was too late. the kitchen scene still makes me cry every time, but it's such a complex and intriguing emotional mix from a show running standpoint that they were able to fit all the mood and tension and all of will and hannibal's pining into that one scene only to destroy it in the worst possible way is so. i really can't it's the best worst thing ever and i adore it i really do

but the season three finale oh my god. i'd been spoiled when i watched it for the first time, but just seeing the scenes or hearing the dialogue is useless without the emotional journey you need to truly understand it i think. before the fight, when hannibal calls his compassion for will inconvenient is so goddamn important to me because he needs will to know. whether or not they survive and whether or not they kill the red dragon, the only thing he could think to talk about is how it was will who brought them here, and will who he loves and will who he wants to kill with tonight. And the actual fight scene is beautiful, I doubt that's the best way to describe it to normal people, but wills acceptance of self and everything building towards him just fucking killing someone paired with his viciousness about the deed itself is such a fitting end to the season. And the cliff scene do I even have to say anything. It's one of the rawest confessions I've ever seen and their absolute trust and vulnerability and acceptance and love for each other in that moment is fucking tangible and nothing will ever beat it. ever.

WOW THAT WAS A LOT WTF so yeah either s2 or s3 i don't have a favorite :]]

#hannibal #nbc hannibal #will graham #hannibal lecter #ask #hannibal season two #hannibal season three #westley thinks

[lee-etc]

1, 4, 5, 6, 8, 10, 11, 12, 14, 19, 20, 22, 23, 25 for end of the year ask? (https://www.tumblr.com/lee-and-other-things/703710398467244032/end-of-the-year-asks)

This is gonna be a long post, so answers are under the cut! Thanks for the ask :)

1. Song of the year?

No End Summer by Toshiki Kadomatsu. It's become one of my all-time favourites.

4. Movie of the year?

My Own Private Idaho (1991). Just a really solid film, but I'm also thankful to it for introducing me to the song by the B-52's, which is a bop.

jk. it's Goncharov (1973)

5. TV show of the year?

I literally can't live without Mob Psycho 100. I re-watched it again before s3 and it's just. So amazing.

HOWEVER, I have to hand this one to Our Flag Means Death, because it came out this year and I also love that show so so much.

6. Episode of tv or webisode that defined the year for you?

Okay we are going to do a top 3 because you need to know which tv shows are changing my brain chemistry .

No. 3

What We Do in the Shadows S04 E04 · The Night Market

any wwdits ep that has guillermo in a trench coat can, and does, kill me. and then with the swords? i literally died

No. 2

Hannibal S01 E01 · Aperitif

i began re-watching hannibal for like the millionth time and i think that if i watch this episode again i will become fully rabid

And lastly... No. 1

Link Click S01 E01 · Emma

made the mistake of having a cold one before watching so i was a bit tipsy and more susceptible to like, everything that happened. i was sitting down while watching this episode but i still needed to go and sit down again. idk how i am going to survive the rest of this show

8. Game of the year?

Sonic Adventure DX, surprisingly. I played a demo version of it when I was younger, and this year I remembered really enjoying it, so I got the full game on steam and started playing sonic again! I'm not much of a gamer but if there's a game that I really like or really want to play then I'm likely to make an exception for it.

Playing the game again was fun, I actually really liked the graphics, and the music was on another level. Emerald coast will always be nostalgic for me, I think.

(A prediction for next year: I was lucky enough to buy Disco Elysium during the sale period, and I can't wait to start playing it asap)

10. Something that made you cry this year?

mathematics.

(′д｀ )…彡…彡

11. Something you want to do again next year?

Started clubbing this year. I think I'd like to go a few times next year as well. The dancing is really fun !

12. Talk about a new friend you made this year

Skipping this one for personal privacy reasons, hope you don't mind :)

14. Favorite book you read this year?

For physical manga - Yokohama Kaidashi Kikou: Deluxe Edition 1. I loved how relaxing a read it was.

For digital manga - The Summer Hikaru Died by Mokumoku Ren. When people say that Japanese manga is loud they are talking about THIS story specifically

For webcomics - Thank You For Viewing by bubblu . Lovely art, lovely story, lovely characters. Can't wait for the next update.

For physical books (non-fiction) - The War of Art by Steven Pressfield. A uniquely challenging and introspective read disguised as an easy-to-read non-fiction book.

For physical books (fiction) - An Absolutely Remarkable Thing and A Beautifully Foolish Endeavour by Hank Green. I read one after the other, and I can't pick a favourite. Both of them were everything I want from a sci-fi story, though.

For webnovels - It's Definitely Not All Mary Poppins by writerkid101. I love queer found family stories sm

And lastly, fanfiction - paprika by snapdragonsuplex. It's the excellent writing and ghibli vibes for me

19. What’re you excited about for next year?

Living by myself in one of the most well-known cities in the world???? Still hasn't hit me just yet

20. What’s something you learned this year?

I can look good in dresses, but I do not like wearing them much. I'd still like to try wearing maxi skirts though.

22. Favorite place you visited this year?

Went on the Orange River (specifically the part of the river that's on the border between SA and Namibia) for a school trip. Capsizing sucks but the views and the experience were just extraordinary.

23. If you could send a message to yourself back on the first day of the year, what would it be?

YES, YOU ARE TRANSGENDER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lmao good luck with that

25. Did you create any characters (in games, art, or writing) this year? Describe one

One of my best friends and I made two monstergirls whilst playing around with picrews. here's a really quick drawing i did of them together... they are gay and in love <3

#ask game #lee has answered #my art

[kimoralov3]

final thoughts on stranger things

so as y'all know i finished stranger things last night so it is time for me to share my thoughts. this will probably mainly be about s4 and maybe s3 because those are the freshest on my mind but if i have anything to say about s1 and s2 i will

also imma be talking shit about some stuff because i can't live without talking shit

characters

as far as characters go i think the ones i love the most are lucas, max, will, eddie, steve, and robin. like i would literally fucking die for them if given the chance (same goes for el and dustin)

characters i fucking hate include mike, billy, jason, and dr. brenner. any time i see someone defending one of these people i question their sanity

and as far as like nancy and jonathan go i obviously love them but i don't love them as much as i love some of the characters listed above

i love joyce and hopper, if i could replace my parents with them i would

think that's about it for characters but i'll come back later if i think of anything

relationships between the characters

now

i don't know what to start with so i'm gonna start with some dynamics i like before i start shitting on the love triangles

i truly adore dustin's relationship with steve and eddie. like it's just so wholesome but like heartbreaking at the same time. dustin obviously doesn't have a father in his life (where is he??? will we ever find out???) so i feel like he looks up to steve and eddie and takes on some of their traits because they're like parental figures to him

i absolutely love max and lucas' relationship. like it is the best romantic relationship in the show besides joyce and hopper. they have my favorite dynamic of like the couple that makes sarcastic comments to each other all the time but you can just see the love in their eyes whenever they look at each other. all of season 4, every time lucas looked at max or he was checking up on her or something like that just made me want to cry because i knew it wasn't going to end well in terms of their relationship/max not getting hurt. definitely my favorite ship of the show

now there's a lot of debate about what the best brother relationship on tv is, but i'm here to settle it for y'all: it's will and jonathan. the love that these two share for each other is so strong it literally makes my heart hurt. like in season one, the way jonathan was so focused on finding will and how even when he wasn't talking about will or anything you could feel the stress radiating off his body. like he went to see his father who we know he hadn't seen since he left because he thought that lonnie had kidnapped will (also the way lonnie basically told us that he used to put hands on jonathan + the fact that jonathan checked his trunk as soon as he got there.... shitty dads should burn in hell). and then this season, when jonathan was watching and listening to will basically confess to mike, then he later talks to will and basically tells him that he'll love him no matter what and that he's sorry for being distant and that he's gonna try harder??? girl i wanted to fucking cry

joyce and hopper have my second favorite romantic relationship of the show. like from season one you just knew that they still had feelings for each other (i believe that they had feelings for each other in high school which is why i said still) like yeah it took 4 seasons for them to even kiss but honestly i'm fucking glad it did because that scene was so fucking cute and sweet n shit. i am excited (but very fucking nervous) to see what will happen to them in the next season (also the scene where murray reads them for filth??? fucking chef's kiss bitch)

now when it comes to the whole nancy, jonathan, and steve love triangle i am not ashamed to say that i am a hater. love triangles are so frustrating to me because it's either i love one guy and hate the other or i fucking love both of them but with this one... i don't like either of the potential couples. my main issue is the fact that when nancy is in a relationship with one she starts flirting with the other??? like girl your name is not elena gilbert or bella swan please don't do that shit. like why be in a relationship with one knowing damn well you got feelings for the other??? and as far as the boys go, despite me being the steve harrington stan that i am i will not be forgiving him for the shit he pulled in season one. and in this season with jonathan when he said he was basically avoiding her so he wouldn't have to break up with her cuz he didn't want to go to the same college with her i was like nigga you gotta be joking. like that's the worse plan ever, that shit never ends well for either people involved

when it comes to mike and el i will once again say that i am not ashamed to be a hater, but i think a lot of the problems i have with them come from my issues with mike. which obviously means that mike is the problem in the relationship. like the whole thing about mike being annoyed/upset for eleven for her hitting angela with the skate (as she fucking should've i would've done more) really pissed me off because why did he not have the same energy when she was defending him from his bullies???? and like don't get me wrong i totally understand being insecure in your relationship but literally all el wanted you to do was for you to tell her that you love her because she knows you've said it before

and as for mike and will.... girl i don't even know what to say about these two. like overall mike is just a very shitty friend in seasons 3 and 4 especially, and will and everyone else deserve way better than that. "it's not my fault you don't like girls" NIGGA WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH WILL MISSING YOUR FRIENDSHIP?!?! chile that scene enraged me to no end. and with the whole thing in the pizza van like how do you not clock the fact that will's words have a double meaning... like if he was genuinely your best friend you would notice that something was up because of his tone of voice. he doesn't have to know that will has feelings for him, but he should be able to tell that something was wrong

other dynamics i enjoy are el and hopper, dustin and lucas, murray and joyce, and max and el

other opinions

i think the trope of a character dying in the same season they're introduced in is so fucking stupid, and stranger things does this basically every season, but the one that bothered me most was eddie. maybe it's because i am way more attached to him than other characters that fall into this plot, but it's just so fucking lazy to me. i don't mind eddie finally being like "hey, you know what, i'm tired of running, i'm gonna stay and fight" because it's a great character arc- but if he fucking dies then what was the point??/ y'all doing this just so y'all don't have to kill one of the main characters?? and it was obvious that he was a sheep for slaughter because of all the "when i get out/once this is over" conversations. like i just don't know what to say anymore

i do not understand why billy has stans. like at all. i don't wanna hear any of that "but i love villains and he's a good villain" bullshit. billy hargrove is a racist abuser and is not someone you should be stanning. i hate that they tried to give him a sort of redemption arc by having him sacrifice himself, because that is not enough. for it to be a true redemption arc, there needs to be moments where the character goes "hmm maybe i shouldn't be doing this", then the sacrifical event, and then them making amends and fully changing their actions. if a character dies before they truly change, it's not a redemption arc, and therefore you should not be out here praising him. i felt absolutely nothing when he died

also if you're one of the people who believes that eddie and billy would be great friends if billy was still alive you are sorely mistaken. billy is a fucking bully and eddie is the town freak, none of their interactions would be positive

a lot of people started hating mike in season three but i started disliking him in season two because he was a dick to max every time she much as so breathed a way he didn't like

the wigs on this show are better than whatever the fuck marvel be putting on people's head

lucas and will lowkey have an underrated relationship and i would love to see more scenes of them together in season five

if more people listened to joyce and dustin this show would be so much shorter

concluding thoughts

overall i really enjoy this show, despite it's many problems and i'm glad i finally caved and started watching it. i cannot wait for the last season (think it's gonna be the last one right???) i'm very open to discussion and hope y'all are too cuz i wanna hear your thoughts! and if you wanna see my reactions click on the "kim watches st" tag!

#kim watches st #eleven hopper #mike wheeler #lucas sinclair #dustin henderson #max mayfield #nancy wheeler #steve harrington #will byers #jonathan byers #eddie munson #robin buckley #jim hopper #joyce byers #stranger things

[adidegmez]

tbb s3 spoilers

ı should be happy but i am not. i just cant. when I think of them all I can think of is TECH. tech didn't come back. all of his siblings lived their life at pabu in peace. but without tech. why didn't he come back. why? every scene was perfect ending was perfect. ı want to say we couldnt ask more, really we couldn't ask more except tech.

everything is perfect but tech isnt here(yet, a little bit delusional idc i want him back).

Even without thinking about tech, thinking how it ended makes me cry. Omega crosshair and hunters scene (where they killed hemlock), the batch sitting in pabu, omega and hunters last speech...

I can't

Omega left without saying goodbye to crosshair and wrecker. We didn't see old versions of them.

Everything about bad batch makes me feel emotional. I loved them bo much but their journey ended(for how, i hope). And seeing omega leave is so painful scene gave me peace them understanding eachother, their conversation it is all good. But this was the end to tho bad batch. To the show i loved so much and to the characters who became a part of me.

It's been 1 day and I'm still very emotional. I wanted to watch some clone wars, but I couldn't because clones remind me of them. And I'm not ready yet.

I just loved them so much. Even though I wrote a post about the episode, I still wanted to write somethings again.

Thanks for reading.

[ashxketchum]

New anime season is upon us and I am yet to even start Apothecary Diaries, A Sign of Affection and Dungeon Meshi 🤣 Still not finished Ep. 18 of Frieren as well🫣

But these are the anime I will attempt to follow weekly (ATTEMPT IS THE KEY WORD I HATE BEING AN ADULT!!)

Kuroshitsuji - obvs I waited so long for a new season, I will sacrifice sleep, mental health, office work everything for this.

Hibike Euphonium S3 - same reason as above, i'm literally watching the last movie right now KUMIKO I MISSED YOU!!!

Mission Yozakura Family - looove the manga, can't wait to see how it's adapted.

KNY Hashira Training Arc - The way they made us wait till May after giving us a taste in February like????

And hopefully in the background I can start my pile from prev. season as well. Maybe Imma drop Frieren for now entirely so I can move forward lol I don't find it fun enough without Stark ☹️

These are the anime I will watch once the season has ended and some decent reviews have come out:

Wind Breaker

Kaiju No. 8

Hananoi Kun

Byoukyaku Battery

Girls Band Cry

#ayushitposting #and by reviews i mean what my tumblr dash and mutuals will be saying about the series lol #4 anime episodes per week don't sound so difficult to manage do they?

[dinitride-art]

I've had an strangled relationship with Eleven since season 1, so much so that when s3 came around i had to stop watching because i couldn't stand the M!leven in it and so, it took me about 2 years to actually watch s3.... now after s4, and having watched it a few times now, i kind of made peace with her, because i absolutely love the bond she has with Will. I still sort of cringe at the idea of her and Mike, but Will is such a peacemaker, even within the show. I'm really at peace now.

Sorry for this stupid ask, i just needed to share it with someone i guess.

Don't worry, it's not stupid. I think I get it and it's making me think about some things. Mike and El's relationship... it's hard to watch sometimes. A lot of the time. (small warning, I get really into analyzing some stuff after this- whoops?)

Without knowing the ending we can't really see the reason that they've written it that way. It's not the easiest thing to trust them to do it right either. El's a bit more complicated, to me at least, because she's written to have reactions to things that need explanations. But we don't really get an explanation for her and Mike's relationship. Not like we do when she hits Angela in the face with a roller skate- and we get a flashback of Brenner. Or when she's crying in Mike's closet in season one and we see her in the lab, locked in a room. Those things, I think, give us the ability to understand El and root for her. Because we understand how what she's been through affects her. But when she trips Max in season two? Or spies on Mike in season three? Or when her and Mike fight in season four? We don't get to know the reason for her actions yet.

I really don't think that her and Mike's relationship was ever intended to portray romantic feelings. I think it was meant to make us feel uncomfortable. I remember trying to avoid thinking about Mike and El's relationship in season three because it just... I didn't like it. But after I started thinking about how maybe there's supposed to be something wrong with how I feel about it, it got easier to watch.

When El's with Will she's easier to... figure out? If that makes any sense? But when El's with Mike, and Mike's with El, they're both hard to get a read on. Mike gets frustrated quicker and El doesn't really seem to like giving an explanation for what she's doing. But with Will we can see what's happening inside her head. He can read her like a book. And so then we know that, okay. She's getting bullied at school. She doesn't want Mike to know. She's grieving Hopper's death. It's all easy to see. But when she starts yelling at Mike the next day, we can't see exactly where she's coming from. She didn't talk to anyone about "from, Mike" this is the first we're hearing of it. Sure, there were visual clues like the card attached to the flowers Mike gave her, but that's it. No further explanation is given for why she feels like this, or why she's only bringing it up now, or why Mike hasn't said it in the first place. We get nothing.

There's information they aren't giving us about why Mike and El's relationship isn't working and hasn't been working since it began. It makes it really easy to hate Mike. Without thinking that maybe he's not in love with El and doesn't actually want this relationship- he's just a dick. And I can see how it might make it easy to fell weird about El too. Because somethings wrong on her end of things as well.

There's a vagueness about Mike and El's relationship that looks like a shitty teenage romance at first. A crush. Nerd boy gets the girl with superpowers. Somethings off about it but we haven't been given a solid reason to think that. It's awkward and uncomfortable and looks like terrible writing at points- because we don't get to know what's going on under the surface.

Sorry that this turned into five paragraphs of me running around with my red string, but. Yeah, Mike and El are weird. Here's to hoping that there's a reason for it

#ask #we'll see what happens in s5 #but i dont think that a romantic relationship should be like this #hopper and joyce didnt make me uncomfortable- well maybe a little in the church but at least it was watchable #and jonathan and nancy were okay even with their relationship problems #and lucas and max literally have a joke about lucas stalking her and that doesnt make me not want to watch them #but mike and el who really are just doing what couples are supposed to do are weird and uncomfortable #ive got a lot of thoughts on this #way too many actually

[shima-draws]

//checks my watch

Mmm yes, tis about time I drew the Yujikiris once again

#Shima speaks #SAO #Yujikiri #It's Sin Sunday today. Some pals and I are going to draw le sm u t s #But I'll probably doodle something SFW too malmdaslbmdaslds #It's been a long time since I've participated in Sin Sunday. #Me; a prude: Haha?? Drawing the l e wds?? M-me?? AHA #MKmdksamda anyway #My love for them still prevails as it always has and always will #I can't go too long without drawing them or my heart just cries #GOD ESP SINCE WANDI AND I ARE VERY CLOSE TO FINISHING WATCHING S3;; it's her first time through and I'm just like #Are you ready. Are you ready to Suffer. Are you #We're 4 eps away from the finale #I'm already crying inside #HhrhghHGHHHH #CANON DOESN'T EXIST HERE SHHHH

[lit-in-thy-heart]

i'd just like a to take a moment to talk about this gif

more specifically, the dynamic between merlin and gwaine.

warning: s5 finale spoilers

this is the episode where merlin has lost his magic and every time i see it i just want to cry. you can see that, to begin with, merlin is just standing back and assessing the situation -- like he always does -- to see where he can discreetly help. then the bandit comes towards him and he completely flips out (understandably).

initially he obviously backs away, but he doesn't cover his head until the very last second, and his scream is honestly chilling because i don't think merlin has ever been this vulnerable before and it's terrifying him. but he also doesn't call for gwaine until the very last moment. he sees that the bandit is getting up and pushing him back but it's not until the blow is about to be dealt that he screams for his love friend. there is still a part of him that hasn't processed he no longer has magic and cannot defend himself. (it also begs the question why the knights haven't given merlin some sort of weapon in the last ten years, unless they think he repels death or something, but anyway.) and does he hesitate because he doesn't want gwaine to be hurt in saving him? or is it that, in that moment, the belief that gwaine can protect him slips and that's why he cries out?

and merlin is definitely shaken by this encounter. it's excellent acting on colin's part to convey the sheer terror at merlin being unable to defend himself and potentially put gwaine at risk by being unable to do so. afterwards, you can see just how deeply he's breathing and just how stunned he actually is. it's the first time that he has had to entirely rely on someone else.

gwaine, though. maybe it's my merwaine brain going into overdrive, but he is making merlin a priority. you can see that he's clocked the bandit going for merlin and is actually moving to stop him before merlin shouts. he doesn't even properly dispose of the bandit he's dealing with in his desperation to get to merlin in time.

and when they first attack, he angles his body so it acts as a shield for merlin. of course, that doesn't really work out because he gets too drawn into combat with one which allows the the other to attack merlin, but he tries.

i don't know why but it's the last bit that really gets me. the whole i'll-stab-you-without-looking thing is just urgh perfection, but it's his consistent eye contact with merlin. gwaine's expression isn't the softest because he's killing someone, but you can see that he's keeping his eyes on merlin to check that he's alright. and almost like he's saying 'this is for them attacking you'. we will never know what his expression was when the camera flicks back to merlin, but it is highly likely that he's silently asking merlin if he's alright, given their Interaction in the next bit:

(please ignore the juddering text, it's the first time i've giffed dialogue and I'm still figuring out text and frames)

so there's quite a bit that i want to say about this moment.

first of all, merlin is avoiding eye contact when gwaine helps him up. is this because he's embarrassed at being so dependent on gwaine or is it because watching gwaine fight made him feel things that are not helpful to feel on the eve of battle? probably. gwaine has obviously fought and protected merlin before, but (as far as i recall) never has had to save him from a death blow. this is the first time in a long while (again, i might be wrong, feel free to correct me) that merlin owes his life to anyone but arthur, who is part of his destiny. lancelot saved him when they first met, but that was years ago. merlin isn't used to be indebted to someone who he isn't duty-bound to protect, and if he wanted to repay the debt then, currently, he'd have to wrangle it without magic.

(merlin's eyes also go to gwaine's left hand which makes me question what on earth that knight is doing out of shot.)

and gwaine isn't smiling for a start: you can tell that he is genuinely concerned about merlin. and it must be pretty unnerving for gwaine, as well. despite all arthur's comments about merlin being a coward, gwaine probably sees merlin as incredibly scrappy when it comes to survival. he's always thrown himself into dangerous situations without a moment's hesitation and never shown fear. so for merlin to scream for him so desperately (i wish gifs could convey tone because my heart honestly breaks) must be incredibly unsettling and gwaine instantly jumps to merlin being injured. and when he does smile, it's not in the (seemingly) self-assured manner that we're all used to, it's in a very tender manner, as if he's trying to reassure merlin.

'there's no need to thank me, merlin. it's the least i could do.'

merlin makes eye contact here. i appreciate that it's not wonderfully giffed to align, but when gwaine says the first part merlin looks up. he definitely looks surprised at the fact that gwaine says he doesn't need gratitude, almost as if he's shocked by the implication that gwaine would do something like that and not want recognition, if that makes sense? merlin has never once received a word of thanks for saving arthur, and to have gwaine say that he doesn't want it possibly strikes a chord in merlin. because merlin doesn't save arthur for the gratitude; he saves arthur because (in whichever context you perceive it) he loves him (yeah, it started off as destiny for a start, but he does obviously grow to love arthur). so. if gwaine doesn't want thanks...then that means he loves merlin (again, platonically or romantically, it works both ways). and, just like the 'not arthur' s3 moment, merlin is caught off guard by the concept that someone cares for him enough to risk their life for him without a moment's hesitation.

and then -- 'it's the least i could do'. what more would gwaine do for merlin? or is it, perhaps, that he has some inkling that merlin has also saved his life many times over, and just wants to do the same for him? does he perhaps suspect that merlin does have magic? this line hits me so hard because you can see how much he cares for merlin, and just how blind merlin is to it.

and then the touch. the touch on the arm that is very similar to the one arthur gives to merlin. the touch that serves as reassurance and affection and i actually can't talk about this further because i will explode.

to summarise this stream of consciousness, then:

when it comes to himself, merlin doesn't know when to ask for help, mainly because he has taught himself that his needs are secondary and he shouldn't require it. but gwaine knows exactly when to give it because merlin deserves it, and would give him the world on a plate if he could.

#it's just...this is the one good thing the finale gave us i honestly love this scene #just how on it gwaine is because we don't really see him fighting in this season but damn when he does #this is a fucking long post i apologise for getting carried away #i just...THEY DESERVED BETTER #thank you for indulging me #i'm sorry if it's incoherent i just have a lot of feelings #merlin #bbc merlin #long post #merlin meta #my gifs #gwaine #merwaine #season five #merlin spoilers #merlin gif thoughts