#there are a ton that i wanted to watch and couldnt find the time

[its-chelisey-stuff]

here's the extremely biased recap of my 2023 in dramaland:

also, happy holidays and merry christmas to all who celebrate!!

favorite drama: Because I can never pick just one and I know, it's a weird combination lol:

Moving (kdrama) Perfect, from beginning to end. Breaks your heart and heals it at the same time. Delivers on action, plot, family and romance. SO much romance.

Dr Romantic (kdrama) saw S2&S3 back to back. If you're in pain, you only need Teacher Kim and the Doldam team.

My School President (thai drama) still obsessed with the ost till now. A simple coming-of-age love story, executed perfectly. On par with Heartstopper. There, I said it.

I spent my time rewatching instead of making posts about any of these lol

Favorite Male lead: Jang ShinYu (Destined with you, kdrama). Excuse you, that show had 99 problems, but Rowoon wasn't one of them.

Runner Up: Seo Woojin (Dr. Romantic, kdrama).

Favorite female lead: I'm gonna be honest, I think they did dirty most female leads, especially in Korea, but the women from Dr. Romantic were all exceptional. So they're my pick.

Favorite OTPs: DoHa&YoungHwa (Moon in the Day, kdrama). ALL the ships in Moving. TinnGun (My School President, thai drama). KiHo&MokHa (Castway Diva, kdrama).

Favorite period drama: Under the Queen's Umbrella, (kdrama).

Runner Up: The Forbidden Marriage(kdrama) Also, i have just realised I didn't see many period dramas this year, but many dramas had a past life, that has to count, right?

Best chaebol romance: The third finger offered to a King (jdrama). Shame on you Korea, you failed to deliver on your area of expertise.

Runner up: A boss and a babe (thai drama). My Demon (kdrama)

Best makjang to keep you at the edge of your seat: Perfect Revenge Marriage . Runner Up: Celebrity. I know it's not exactly a makjang, but idk how else to describe it.

Best Mother: The Queen (Under the Queen's Umbrella, kdrama). Half of her problems were created by her own children, poor woman.

best father: Adoptive dad, Castaway Diva (kdrama). The man was a saint.

Runner Up: Kim Sabu, Dr. Romantic. He has like 20 children among his medical staff lmao

Best Daddy: Joo In Sung, Moving. I don't have to explain lol

Most intense high school romance&story: The Eclipse (thai drama). Runner Up: Never let me go (thai drama)

Best Musical drama: My School President (thai drama).

Runner Up: Castway Diva. Park Eun Bin can do everything. What a Queen.

Best Cohesive storytelling imo: My Lovely Liar. Not the best, but pretty good overall. Runner Up: Sountrack No 2 (kdrama). Worst thing about this is that it was so short, I needed more!!!

Swetest down to earth love story: Hidden Love, cdrama.

Runner Up: HeartLiming in Moonlight Chicken (thai drama). And basically all the other couples in there. The Last twilight Series (thai drama).

Most tragic love story: Moon in the day, kdrama. The competition was strong, but I think falling in love with the man who killed your whole family and caused the downfall of your kingdom is hard to top. Plus, she had to kill him in the end. And it took 1500+ years to get their HEA.

best wtf did I just watch but why was it so fun: My man is cupid (kdrama). Runner Up: Fish Upon the Sky (thai drama)

Best Live Action: From me to you, jdrama. Cute coming of age story. I still prefer the 2010 movie though.

Dishonorable mentions:

Biggest what if: Justice in the Dark (cdrama). I can't talk about this without crying lol Runner Up: Till the end of the moon. I need cdramas to be 40+ eps again!

biggest disappointment: It is with a heavy heart that I must say the Legend of Anle (cdrama). Still, I had my fun with it. I will always be biased about GongJun lol Runner up: King The Land, i mean where was the plot??

messiest past lives story, the theme of the year in kdramas: See You in my 19th life. Runner Up: Destined with You.

#kdrama #moving #my school president #castaway diva #dr romantic 3 #thai drama #end of year drama review #cdrama #these are the shows that i actually finished mind you #there are a ton that i wanted to watch and couldnt find the time #then there are the ones that i basically watched through clips and gifs and posts

[the-record]

COWBOYS LIKE ME

SYNOPSIS: youll never stop letting her in.

PAIRING: cowboy!abby x reader

WARNINGS: none??

A/N: yall remember when i wrote some fics and made a ton of ideas and series and then disappeared??? WOOPS!! heres a little holiday present!! maybe there will be more, idk

after that last night, abby hadnt shown at your door again. she knew she was wrong for it, for everything. all you had done was love and care for her, treating her with sweet southern kindness. she hated herself for leaving you.

you couldn’t find it within your heart to hate her. she didn’t lie when she said it wasn’t safe for the two of you beyond the farm. it still didn’t make it hurt any less when she left without a word.

you gave up after three months and she didnt come by even once. you fell back into your regular routine. afternoon tea, church, chores. you even found a bookstore that would fill the quiet hours between tasks.

abby didn’t forget about you though, how could she? she had people all around town keeping an eye on you, ensuring you were never around danger. subtle misdirections and such. just because she couldn’t be there didn’t mean she doesn’t care.

you’d attempted to forget her, and almost had.

but it was cold and snowy out, just days before christmas, and abby found herself close to the only place she could call home.

you werent shocked to hear a knock ok your door so late in the evening, figuring one of the ladies had stopped by with news and a gift. but seeing her at your door stopped your heart.

“can i come in?” you ushered her in, taking in her shivering frame. “im really sorry if im putting you out, but could i stay here? just for a night if thats all you please.”

you nodded, just enough to see, still starstruck. she smiled softly and knocked you out of your state. you grabbed the snowy coat off her shoulders, helping her take off those boots you knew didnt do much in this cold. you pulled her to the fire place, setting her beside it and finding a blanket to wrap around her body.

she laughed as you sat beside her, just staring. “gotta love southern hospitality.” she joked, but you barely laughed. abby sighed and picked at her fingers, “i really am sorry. i feel i cant stop hurting you.”

you merely nodded before getting up. heading to the kitchen, your head clouded as you fell into routine. as you put the kettle on, you couldnt help but wonder why she was back on your doorstep. you didnt stop wondering even as you watched the tea steep, when you brought it back to the now warmer blonde.

but when you held it out to her, you didnt let go. “are you gonna leave again?” her silence was answer enough. your hand dropped and you turned, leaving for your room.

abby flinched when your door slammed.

her boots still sat beneath your bed, gathering dust, fingerprints still visible from the last time you missed her. you listened to her footsteps as your fingers brushed all over the shoes.

she roamed the kitchen, cleaning it the best she could before she made her way upstairs. abby didnt want to hurt you. she loved you, even if she struggled to say it. when she knocked she heard a quiet ‘come in’, yet she still hesitated at the door.

the door opened for her. you staring up at her blank face, a tear stain she wanted to wash away and never see again.

“i love you.”

when the sun streamed in the next morning, it didnt fall on just you. a weight slung over your stomach, one of abby’s arms dead weight across you. you couldn’t help but smile.

when it snowed again the next day, the bed was cold, but the house wasn’t. downstairs, abby had the fire going and breakfast on the stove for the both of you.

and when the sun shown and the birds sang months later, she laid in bed watching your peaceful sleep.

her cuts and bruises had long disappeared. that chill she had that made her shake, warmed. the emptiness she had felt for all those years, had been filled with love and care she yearned for her whole life.

she felt it when she saw you.

#abby anderson x reader #abby anderson x y/n #abby anderson x you #abby anderson angst #abby anderson fluff #abby anderson x female reader #abby anderson tlou #abby anderson #abby anderson tlou2 #abby x fem!reader #abby my beloved #abby tlou #abby the last of us #abby x reader

[moldingtundra]

thought I’d talk about my interpretation of unpleasant because yes (also I might make an ask blog about it)

Ok so lord timeee!! Content warning for some really sensitive topics (genocide, murder, prostitution, implied abuse, etc.) so watch out.

so unpleasant gradient (aka gradie) was born because his mother was a prostitute (so was his dad but much less so) and his fathers parents found out so they made him marry her, obviously that does shit and eventually when he turned 7 his father left and he was left along and u can kindddaaa imagine what happeneds when ur left with this type of mom whis also an alcoholic and smoker…yeahhh, so he gets two sibs (one if them is older the other is younger, same mom) pleasant gradient (older, named penny) and monotomous graident (younger, named mono) who took care of him when his mother escaped without him at 11 years old including a third sibling who used to take care of him when he was a toddler but ran away from home due to his mom (they were mutated gradient). (gradie has a shit ton, you can imagine why lmao) but he only sees it once and never again, so the three brothers have to survive the famine and genocide going around (it started before gradie was even born) but obviously u can imagine what happens in this typa scenerio (gradie had to almost say bye bye to half of his body bc of a bomb at 12 and watch penny die and mono run away then escape at 15 (the scars dwindled over time dw but it’s still there )) and then there is an opurtunity to escape the country with a bus, but theres only one bus ticket, so a random woman gives it to gradie and sends him off bc she knows he has the most potential and promises to find him (its been 45 years he still hasnt seen them) here’s art of what he looked like back then:

so after he escaped he rebuild his life in the land equivalent of AMERICUH and he attends this high school and he falls in love with builderman but decides not to confess and they both decide to graduate together and try getting it big, builderman did it by building the robloxia community and gradie byt writing his experiences with genocide and hiking high feets no one reached, like he won some guinness world record and some new york times bestseller thing- my guy was packed!!!…..until he got hit by a truck and couldnt do anything anymore (sad 💔) ON TOP OF THAT builderman married jane doe and had thier kid (infected) and graide would by to babysit infected since he was a wee little baby.

so kasper got infected at his 12th birthday. But the infected turns him into a vicious furry or whatever (werewolf if you want) and the first time that happened, he fucking ate his parents and gradie literally just came by to give them lasagna and infecteds present, so now his parents are dead, and graide decides to adopt infected (who hates it lol) and they just raise infected while tryna deal with his furry issue (his furry issue caused him to eat his own cat and some residents) and graide is just like tryna fucking hold himself together bc if the kid u had to babysit thats from ur one sided gay lover who married a fugly woman decides to kill yo one sided gay lover and u had to adopt him I wouldve eaten my organs)

and that’s basically it! Expect an ask blog for him soon this week or before I die lol

toodaloo!

#regretevator #roblox #lore dump #headcanon #interpertation #writing #unpleasant gradient #Infected #infected regretevator #unpleasant regretevator

[cherrygummi]

i havent read a ton of post s2 fics because frankly i dont really care for the take a lot of ppl seem to have where they think crowley is just gonna be super pissed? and yell at aziraphale the whole time when he sees him again?

like, yeah hes angry when they have their fight but i dont necessarily think hes angry AT aziraphale i think hes angry at heaven, and terrified of the concept of az going back to them

i cant find the post at the moment but someone analyzed the kiss and noted that they think crowley does it not only as a desperate last attempt to make az reconsider but as a sort of “oh shit i think i went too far” thing because az doesnt start to cry until the moment before that kiss and i think i believe that, i also believe that any anger he had dissipates because he just looks tired when he says “dont bother” and leaves the bookshop

and then he STAYS! he fucking stays! because he loves him! nothing could ever make crowley stop loving him! he turns it off but he lets the bentley play their song for the exact amount of time they fucking kissed!

hes heartbroken because he think hes lost aziraphale to heaven forever, he couldnt save him. he wouldnt ever scream at his angel until he cries

we watched this same demon look as terrified as we’ve ever seen him, like he wants to throw up and pass out, trembling like a leaf during a magic trick that if it went wrong would only mildly inconvenience aziraphale while he did the paperwork to get a new body. he does not ever want to hurt him! all they both want is for each other to be safe!

and i think they will fight about that again because it needs to be said! they both have made choices and withheld information in that regard that were of the best intentions but didnt help! they are both utterly terrified of being without the other, they love each other so desperately

it just really feels like people want aziraphale to be “punished” for making the choices that he did, despite those choices being completely in line with his character. both him and crowley were right and wrong in that fight

#aziraphale defenders we ride at dawn. #good omens #good omens 2 #aziraphale #crowley #aziracrow

[bright-and-burning]

thank you k @mecachrome i LOVE to yap and i love to see other ppl yapping!!! f1 tag game time!!!

Who is your favorite driver?: lando's grip on my brain should be studied in a lab tbh

Do you have other favorite drivers?: i am fond of many many drivers... oscar obviously is #2 to me. just the tiniest bit below lando, sorry oscar <3 and then there's a medium sized gap to anyone else but i am extremely fond of the williams guys. and i am studying alpine and aston martin like bugs. and i have a lot of blorbo-in-laws that i feel very fond of...

Who is your least favorite driver?: it depends on the day whether i even dislike anyone or not. today i feel neutral and up about everyone!! sometimes i distinctly do Not feel neutral... (usually during races)

Do you pull for drivers or do you like teams as well?: i am very driver oriented but obviously my like . internal ideas about drivers are heavily influenced by who their teammate is/what team they're on. and since i've been into f1 the driver lineups have. not changed. so in my head the teams n the driver pairings are pretty immutable (obviously that will Change djfldsakjfa)

If you like teams, what team do you pull for?: i am so deeply attached to the orange bitches 😔 i just watched the season 6 mclaren dts episode and when claire williams went “the likelihood of a team being able to turn around their performance to any kind of significant degree during a season? i can’t tell you how difficult it is. it’s pretty much unheard of” i just smiled SOOOO evil. sooooo evil. i believe in andrea stella's hot nerd vibes bless that man

How long have you been into F1?: since uhhhh approximately one week after qatar 2023. made this account right around cota 2023

What got you into F1?: twitter algorithm put some tweets about the shitshow that was qatar on my timeline (literally one of them was just. a little of names and like . blank threw up. blank was hospitalized. blank couldnt get off the ground.) and i was like:

(why is that picture SOOO large) and also i had been admiring the f1 web weaves for a while bc i would look at the 'web weave' tag and half of them would be f1 and i was like wow. these guys have a collective shit ton of daddy issues. fascinating... tbf!!! i have always been sports brain lol. just never quite rpf sports brained? so the stars aligned for this fr (recommended tweets, f1 web weaves, and me being unemployed, geographically isolated from all my friends, and severely depressed)

Do you enjoy Fanfic/RPF?: yes . i am constantly cooking . everyone here is soooo smart and cool and the writing is genuinely so incredible. and 8104 specifically has just like. a really dope bunch of ppl ive become friends with that i am constantly like. wow i cant believe these ppl want to talk to me!!! (k you are included in that <3)

How do you view new fans?: by looking in the mirror... djfladsj jk. i am a new fan! i am not a ""dts fan"" (have literally watched two episodes Ever and one of them was today) but none of it matters and i don't really find those kind of lines to be helpful. i have disagreed with ""dts fans"" and i have disagreed w ppl who started watching before i was born and i'd do it all again (this probably says more abt how opinionated i am than anything else)

If you could take over as team principal for any team, who would it be and why?: personally i am delusionally confident enough to believe i could run that bitch like the MARINES. at the very least i would not be running my mouth like toto lol. vibes wise idk if i could do it at Any Team (like. imagine mercedes being run by a punchy american woman. LMFAO. imagine FERRARI) (i'd say mclaren for papaya reasons but a) andrea stella i could never replace you and b) i think i would set zak brown's fuckin sports car on fire day 1.) but based on location only alpine!!

Are your friends and family into F1 as well?: uhhhh no. my dad went to exactly one motorsports event when he was like my age maybe a year or two younger and saw a really horrific deadly crash so that ended any family interest. my friends are mega sports ppl but they're into like. american popular sports. and running. i do have a tifosi coworker and a couple friends from high school who are into it but that's it

Are you open to talking to other fans/making friends?: yes!!!!! i am so horrifically extroverted i love to chat i love to make friends!!! i am in so many ppl's dms on the Daily just sayin shit to the point where im like maybe i should cool it. lol.

tagginggggg @monacotrophywife @freeuselandonorris @liamlawsonlesbian andddd @red-flagging if you want !!!! this was fun n i love hearing how ppl got into f1 bc i feel like i might've taken an odd route

#tag game #so deeply fun i LOVE to yap jfalsdjflasdj

[altermay]

Tw/ transphobia, discussions of dysphoria, brief mention of suicide, descriptions of child abuse

Getting unbearable. Feeling sick. Started working to afford hormones only to find out the service that is most accessible to me (plume) doesnt offer T in alabama anymore due to changing laws. Fuck all these stupid politicians putting their noses in others lives.

Thought people at work wouldnt make a super huge deal, as I was selective with who I told, so i thought maybe I could hold out a bit longer and at least i wouldnt have to feel so dysphoric all the time, since all my coworkers knew me as Monte. But then instead of my name, people who would usually call anyone else by their name started calling me “Miss” and “maam”

Even the ones I had come out to, and even the ones who told me they were accepting.

Whatever, im from a small rural area, so transphobia is not new to me, what is new to me, however, is being openly trans in an unfamilliar environment. I thought I could start T quickly and maybe people would ever forget that im trans in the first place, but now its been so long.

Some people call me He, and use the right pronouns, but increasingly lately Ive received a myriad of transphobia.

Being called tranny loudly while my coworker kicks my broom as I try to sweep (kicking hard enough for the broom to almost leave my hands and hit another person behind me) , Getting called “it” behind my back. Stuff like this is becoming more common.

The two coworkers who called me it, have been spreading lies about my work performance these past five days, Ive been told my three different people that every time I leave to go do something they start talking badly of me. So I got to my breaking point, at this point it had nothing to do with the pronouns, I was just upset that two forty+ year old adults were purposefully making my job harder to do while I was also struggling with a ton of other stuff (ptsd, seasonal depression, a family members recent suicide) and so I couldnt stop crying.

Despite this situation having nothing to do with me being trans, they are now trying to spread the narrative that Im just being sensitive because they were misgendering me while they were borderline bullying me.

If I was not trans, people would take me seriously on these issues. But now, because I am upset, suddenly Im just a stereotype. A sensitive trans person who is offended because someone used the wrong pronouns a few times.

I will be one to say, I do not give a SHIT about my pronouns. Ive been called the wrong ones my whole life by a majority of people. That was never the issue. But because Im trans, that is the only issue people can perceive for me to have. The ONE issue I had with them regarding my pronouns was them calling me “it” and thats not because its the wrong pronoun, thats because its DEHUMANIZING.

But now I have other coworkers who know NOTHING about the situation saying shit like “well if she claims shes a man maybe she should suck it up” “well if she wants to be seen as a man maybe she shpuld cut her hair”

Fuck you. How about YOU get beaten for 17 years, YOU watch your siblings get beaten near to death for 17 years. YOU have flashbacks of things you dont understand all day every day and we will see how fucking well youre able to “suck it up” you are WEAK. YOU ARE ALL WEAK. And you dont know what its like to be me. My mother tried to kill me. My mother almost killed my sister, I was neglected, never went to a doctor, and I STILL dont know how to take care of myself. And I still havent recovered all of the memories.

Ive had SHORT HAIR ive had LONG HAIR Ive had a MOHAWK, ive had a BUZZCUT ive been BALD. And people STILL fucking saw me as a woman. Im tired of conforming to this bullshit just so people can treat me the same as they always do

Fun fact though, since Ive had long hair Ive been gendered correctly by strangers MORE than I have with ANY OTHER HAIR STYLE.

These stupid fucking transphobes and their stupid fucking stereotypes im so fucking sick of it all. And corporate wont do anything about it, Im sure of this.

Why is it so hard for me to just live my fucking life.

Im so sick of it all

#vent #tw vent #tw transphobes #transphobes #transphobia #tw suicide mention #suicide mention #abuse #child abuse #neglect #tw abuse

[willsolaceloml]

Will Solace hcs cause he SOLOS!!!! Stay mad haters

(Both in the demigods world and in a mortal!au)

Hes a bisexual icon

He was short as a child. And i mean. Shorter than the common child. I mean short SHORT. He wasnt known as Will Solace he was known as The Blond Smurf. Shortest in the class type of beat. Everyone thought that he was going to be like 5'7" MAX as an adult.

Got a massive grown spurt when he was like 14 and now hes like 6'1" (people didnt reconize him anymore. Someone started a rumor that some big ass giant took him and pulled him from his head and his feets and that was why he had become so tall. Everyone was terrified.)

He uses guns as his weapon of choice against monsters!! He sucks with close combat and finds the bow somehow boring. Plus! His granddad taught him how to shot when he was younger (Naomi wasnt that happy to see her 10yo with a gun) so he had a sort of emotial bond to that type of weapon.

He specifically asked the Hephaestus cabin to build him a pair of semi automatics and hes this 🤏🏻 close to give them a name and tug their bedsheets for nighttime

He has plague powers. STOP BEING COWARDS YOU ALL KNOW HE DOES!!

He never uses them tho because hes really ashamed of them

Hes a dog dad. By which i mean that he has not 1, not 2, not 3, not 4 but 5 dogs ☺️ One Golden Retriever (named Shiro) that was the Solaces family dog, one light weiner (Burrito) that was gifted to Will by a friend, two pitbulls (Mila and Bee) adopted from the dog shelter and lastly one mutt (sandy) personally saved by Will from an abusive home.

He loves dogs guys he truly does

Hes actually very good as sports! Hes especially great at Volleyball and Basketball, and in his High School hes part of the basketball team.

Hes very close with Leo & Clarisse they are literally bffs

Nico taught him italian swears and hes able to say "testa di cazzo" and "pezzo di merda" as fluently as a native speaker

When he was young he always dressed up as young Anakin

Once he got older he dressed up as Luke, Han and older Anakin

Hes like. VERY protective with people he loves. Not in an oppressive way tho

Hes one FINE mf and i mean it that man Is ANGELIC

He doesnt really see it tho

He decided he wanted to be a doctor when in 5th grade the school organized an obligatory first aid course for the kids. It was very basic but Will instantly fell in love.

He eats. A lot. Like he can eat 2 large pizzas alone and still ask for a dessert. His friends use him as a sort of trashcan because of this. "Oh you cant finish whats in your plate? Just give it to Will! He'll eat everything"

Han Solo was his bi awakening

He likes to bake! Not as much as he loves to eat tho

He surfs (ofc....) and try to make Nico learn it (spoiler: he sucks)

He has tattoos. People lets accept the truth. He does. Hes FULL of them. Big ones, little ones, dumb things, phrases, animals... Everything. He loves them.

He has a... Weird fashion sense. By this i mean its horrible. Yes i know. Its an ugly truth, but its the truth. He couldnt be that level of flawless...

Drew tries to help, she really does, but Will just cant seem to comprehend whats wrong with his fashion sense. Sandals with socks, different prints together, 9374928392 colors together seems all reasonable to him

His average body temperature Is around 37°/38° C. Didnt have much fun during covid times. (Gonna post about this specific hc in the future hehe)

He loves tangled. He LOVES tangled.

Nico forces him to dress up as Rapunzel while he dresses up as Flynn Rider.

Hes also a big fan of Shrek. Watched those movies a ton of times

OK IM DONE IM DONE

#bisexual will solace #will solace #percy jackon and the olympians #percy jackson #william solace #william andrew solace #will solace solos #solangelo #nico di angelo #nico x will #will x nico #pjo hoo toa #nico pjo #hoo #heros of olympus #trials of apollo #tangled

[harrietbarnesblog]

Mark my words

Masterpost

Masterlist

Taglist

Pairing: Anthony Bridgeton x reader

Warning: angst, this doesn't have a happy ending, cursing, language, Anthony is kinda an arse here, mention of sex.

You were just a toy to him. You only appear in his memory when he is alone. He tells you how much he fancies you when fucks you. You wanted him to own you. You wanted him to love you and marry you. You wanted him to show you off. But all he wanted was to use you. He has touched you a ton of time but you wanted him to hold you.

It was a fine Tuesday night. You were passing some time with two of your best friends.

“You have to stop doing this to yourself, y/n.” Eleanor said.

“It's not that easy. I love him.”

“He is getting married and he is just using you. These feelings you have for him are useless. He does not care about them. Stop letting him inside your life again and again.”

“Pardon me. but I can't do that.“

“Then at least tell him how you feel about him. You can't just let him use your body like you are some harlot.” Jane said. It touched a nerve when she called you a harlot.

“I did.” the truth you didn't tell him how you felt but you have shown it and expressed it. “And I wish to end this conversation about Anthony. What is going on between him and I is none of your business.” you said rudely.

“You don't mean that, do you? We are your friends, of course it is our business.” Eleanor said, offended.

“Not anymore.”

“Not anymore? Our friendship or your business being ours?”

“Both.” you answered. You showed no emotions.

“Mark my words, y/n. You will regret choosing a man who doesn't love you over us. But also remember when you need my hands will be still open to hug and console."

They were right. You will regret choosing Anthony over them. Love really does make you blind. It makes you destroy yourself and you don't even realise that.

You watch your friends walk away. You don't stop them.

—----------------*__________*------------------

It's been four days since you lost your best friends.

You just wanted to curl up in a fetal position all day and cry. You realised the mistake you made. You realised Anthony will never love you the way you love him. You realised you were stupid for choosing Anthony over your friends.

Someone knocked on the door. You opened to find the bright face of Anthony.

"Hello, darling." He said.

"Anthony."

He didn't waste a single second. He grabbed your face and pulled you in for a deep kiss. You wanted to be committed in that kiss but you just couldn't. It felt so wrong.

You pushed him. Tears were forming in your eyes.

"What happened?" He asked.

"I don't wanna do this anymore. I just can't do it anymore."

"Why? What changed? You were happy with this arrangement. We were happy."

"First of all there is no 'we' and it never was and never will. And second of all I was happy in the beginning and now I'm not."

"I don't understand."

"Of course you don't. You were too shallow to see my feelings through your pleasure. You shouldn't come here anymore, you are betrothed to someone. " You screamed in anger and pain.

"Is this what this is all about? You want to stop this because I'm betrothed to Edwina. I'm merely marrying her because I want to marry a noble woman, a woman who can take care of my family and fulfil her duty as a wife. It's not like I'm marrying her for love."

"No this is not all about. It is more than that. And I don't wish to explain myself to you. You need to leave, lord Bridgerton. I don't want to see your face anymore."

He placed his hand on your shoulder.

"You don't really mean everything you said. "

You got frustrated. You didn't really mean what you said and you hated that he knew that.

You pushed his hand away.

You let out an agonising scream. Tears streaming down your face.

"No, I don't really mean what I said. But I want to. I'm in love with you but I'm wishing I wasn't.”

“I told you from the beginning not to fall in love with me. You had one fucking job and you couldnt fucking do it properly.” he shouted at you.

“Don't try to blame it on me. I didn't know I would fall for you.”

“I should have seen it coming when you started giving roses and becoming clingy.”

Anthony calling you clingy hurt you. It felt like he stabbed you in the heart with a knife and twisted and pulled the knife out.

You scoffed.

“Clingy. I was merely expressing my love. Mark my words, lord bridgerton. You will fall in love someday and memories of us will flash in front of your eyes. The person you fall for will be forbidden fruit. You will be hurt as much as I'm hurt right now. Now fucking get out of my house and never come back again. And also I feel sorry for the girl that you're marrying. Since you are merely marrying her to make her play the wife role and you don't love her.” you said to him with full anger and pain.

Anthony swallowed his saliva but it felt like he was swallowing a big rock.

“I'll leave and I hope to never see you again.” he turned away. He stormed out of your house, slamming the door behind.

You crumbled down to the floor and wailed your heart out.

#anthony bridgerton x female reader #anthony bridgerton #Anthony bridgerton angst #Anthony Bridgeton x reader #Anthony Bridgerton x you #Anthony Bridgerton x y/n #angst #fanfiction #bridgerton fanfiction

[ramattra-simping]

Ramattra x (human)F/Reader

Summary: After joining Overwatch Ramattra learned not all humans are bad, or maybe its because you are there as well and Ramattra is fond of you.

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Ramattra doesnt know what to think anymore. He hates Human more than anything in this world and yet he cant find himself to leave Overwatch to return to the Null Sector. Lost in his thoughts he strolled around in the Overwatch Base Not caring where he goes. It didnt take him long before he bumped into someone. "Watch where you goi-." Ramattra stopped mid sentence after seeing who he bumped into. It was (y/n). He just starred down at you watching you how you fix your hair that went infront of your face.

"Oh Hi Ramattra. Sorry for bumping in you." You said with a small smile on your face watching the Omnic seeing what he will do next. "No I am the one who should apologize. I hope you arent hurt." He didnt understand him. If it would have been someone else he wouldnt care If they are hurt or not. If it would be someone else he wouldnt apologize for anything. "No im not, thank you for wondering. Well i'll see you later i have to go and bring Winstons the latest reports. See you" and after that you walked past Ramattra continuing on your way.

Ramattra couldnt help watching you leaving so soon. For some odd reason he wanted to continue talking to you. He didnt understand him why he thought like it. Your smile is still on his mind. You always have a smile on your face no matter who you are with. But why does he wish you would only smile at him like this why does he have the need to memorice it so badly.

"Is something bothering you, Brother?" Ramattra jumped a little hearing a voice next to him but he doesnt need to look who it was. "No. Just lost in thoughts you could say." He looked down to the Omnic Monk ready to continue his walk. "There is no need to lie dear Brother. Please tell me what it is" "If i knew it myself i would tell you" it was true He doesnt know what is wrong with him. On one side he hates all humans so much for the suffering they caused and yet he met the Overwatch agents who accept for who he is and not what. And then there you who is always nice to him, who always shows him your beautiful smile, who helps him no matter with what, who is willing to repair him after a hard Mission. "Your mind is clowed by many things, am i right Brother?" Zenyatta never really saw Ramattra Like this. So confused of what is going on in His head. Usualy he knows what He wants, how He gets it and who needs to be harmed If needed.

"Are you thinking of the last Mission you had with the others?" Zenyatta placed a Hand on Ramattras arm looking up at him hoping for an answer. "The Mission isnt it" No its not the Mission but rather who was on the Mission. They were on Kings Row to get a payload with important things on. With him were Lena, better known as Tracer, Angela, Ana and (y/n). (Y/n), she was the reason they got it Last second before Talon got it. With her around it never gets boring. She always jokes at least 3 Times on a Mission.

"I swear Ram, If you dont stop being so grumpy i'll Go get Sombra from Talon so she Hacks you" Ramattra didnt know why but he laughted at her silly threat. "You wouldnt dare." "Ohh but i would" He could hear the joking ton in it knowing she wouldnt do it in the first place.

"Its (y/n). No matter what i do she always returns to my mind. No matter how hard i want to hate her and be disgusted by her i cant, No matter how many times i try to push her away, i shortly long for her presence and no matter what has happened i just wish to see her Smile." If He could Ramattra would turn red after everything he said. He feels humiliated talking like this about a simple human. " Ah i understand now what is troubling you, Brother. You have started to get feelings for her. But nothing to be afraid of." 'you got feelings for her.' 'you got feelings for her.' that one sentence repeated itself so many times in Ramattras head he lost counting.

"You should tell her, Brother." "What? No. I can not do such a thing." Truth is he can but he is to scared to see her reaction. Maybe she will laught at him, maybe she will run away from him or worse maybe she will hate him. The thought of all these things are enought to make Ramattra fear win over. "You should. I have a feeling she wouldnt reject you and when did my feelings ever betraited us." "Well If i must be honest there was this one time-" before Ramattra could finish His sentence Zenyatta gave him a small slap in his arm. "If you wont do it i will dear Brother." If Ramattra could show emotions his face would be in full shock.

"Alright. I will do it myself." Either he would embarrass himself or Zenyatta does it and when he can chose he would do it himself. He excuses himself and went on search for (y/n). It took him a while to find you but he eventually did. You were sitting in the chilling lounge. A place where the agents could go to relax a bit after Missions. With you were Hana and Lena. Ramattra saw the three females chatting other something that he couldnt make out. Ramattra walked over to them and stopped a bit behind them. "Excuse me, but i need to speak with (y/n). Alone." He didnt wait for an answer. He took your hand in his big one as gentle as he could.

Outside of the room again Ramattra turned around looking down at your small figure still holding her hand. "Is there anything you need, Ram?" (Y/n) asked him using her nickname she gave him once while in a Mission. "Yes there is something i need. I need to tell you something." Ramattra wasnt sure how he will confes to you what he should tell her. "Well im ready to listen. Whatever it is i try my best to help you." after that you smiled at him again. The same smile he would do anything to see it everytime on your face.

" (y/n) i must admit im Not the best when it comes to this so i try my best. What i need to tell you is that-that i adore you." he took a small Talk break studing your face. So far He didnt saw any sign of fear or disgust so that is a good thing. "I adore all little things you do. I adore your smile. I adore your laught. I adore how you play with your hair when you try to focus in a Mission or any task you have. I adore you for you are. I believe it is even more than just adortion. I love you, (y/n)."

Even thought he Just waited a few Seconds for you to say something it felt like an eternity. What gave him hope was feeling how your soft hand took his one back and hold it. "Ramattra, thats so sweet of you to say. Do you really mean all of it?" " Every single Word" Ramattra than saw how you stand on your tip toes trying to reach his face. He bowed meeting you half way. He was confused to why you would do it until he felt your soft lips in His face plates. In full shock he didnt move just looking at you smiling like a child in Christmas.

"Well Ramattra, i must admit that i do as well love you." He thought he misheared you. But looking at your face He only saw love and honesty on it. He wrapoed his arms around you spinning you around. "You dont know how much it means for me to hear this from you" you couldnt Help yourself but to laught at his behaviour. He may look like a big mean and grumpy Guy- Well omnic- but he surly can act like a child. "Lets go some where privat to spend some time together alone" "Of course, my dear" and with that you and Ramattra went out of the base to spend the rest of the day together.

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This is my first oneshot for Ramattra. I hope it turned out good. Maybe Ramattra seems a bit ooc. But i still hope you guys enjoyed it.

#fandom #fanfic #overwatch #overwatch 2 #ramattra #x reader #character x reader #character x y/n #character x you #gender neutral reader #ramattra x reader #ramattra overwatch

[purpleangelsele]

I knew you milevens don't even watch the fucking show and just solely jerk off to your mileven scene packs but girl that post you made is so embarassing idk where to begin seriously💀

'Mike can't lie for shit' - there's literally multiple scenes in the show (which you didn't watch) showing how good of a liar he is compared to the rest of the party wtf are you on. Him easily lying to Mr Clarke about El in s1 while Dustin and Lucas act strange, him easily lying to Suzie along with Will juxtaposed with the party being absolutely shitty liars when talking to the police, HE IS A GOOD LIAR WHAT SHOW WERE YOU WATCHING?💀

'Will is pushing Mike to say his love confession and Mike is grabbing Will’s words for inspiration?? HUH?? Doesn’t make any fucking sense' - IT LITERALLY HAPPENED??? IT LITERALLY WAS FUCKING SHOWN ON SCREEN????? I'M?????? Mike couldnt say 'i love you' until Will confessed to him and pushed him to not stop and do something, Mike's entire speech was bouncing of Will's words in the van (were you actually listening holy shit???) IT LITERALLY WAS SHOWN PLAIN AND CLEAR ON YOUR FUCKING SCREEN??????? THERE'S NO ROOM FOR ANY DEBATE AND DISCUSSION HERE IT LITERALLY HAPPENED LIKE THAT FOR EVERYONE WITH EYES AND EARS TO SEE AND HEAR. I'm actually speechless.

'Why assume that Mike is this terrible person that would lie for the whole monologue' and for what?' - first of all WHO ever said Mike is a terrible person for lying? It's YOU who believes it would make him a terrible person not us, you milevens don't understand shit about Mike's character and his arc and are so proud of it it's crazy. Mike was watching his friend, the girl he obviously loves and cares for (yes, he loves her, not romantically but he loves and cares about her and nobody ever fucking said otherwise) choking to death not knowing what to do and how to help but still refusing to say the words El begged in tears for him to say, because he doesn't love her that way and doesn't want to lie about it. His boy best friend is the one who pressures him to do it, Mike being in an extremely desperate high stakes situation has no other choice but to lie to El because he believes it's what he needs to hear, He literally looks like he's in pain and has to brace himself before saying ' i love you' (while Will is in frame.... for what reason i wonder?) He looks pained the entire time he talks BECAUSE HE IS LYING, HE DOESN'T FEEL THOSE THINGS AND HE KNOWS HE IS LYING, El looks pained the entire time he talks, she does not fucking believe him! She knows he's lying!!!! She knows he doesn't love her!!! She heard Will call Mike the heart and push him to start talking!!! Mike WAS LYING and his lies can be debunked WITH SCENES FROM THE FUCKING SHOW???!!!! (which you didn't watch yeah). She remembers how Mike kept pusing her to find Will constantly, she knows he was planning to send her back to asylum immediately.

YES MIKE DID LIE IN HIS MONOLOGUE. HIS LIES GO COMPLETELY AGAINST WHAT WE'VE SEEN IN THE SHOW SINCE S1. NO MIKE LYING DOES NOT MAKE HIM A TERRIBLE PERSON. Again, you're the one who thinks it would make him one because y'all don't understand shit about Mike's character yet keep confidently yapping complete bullshit. WHAT THE FUCK ELSE WAS HE SUPPOSED TO DO IN THAT SITUATION UNDER SUCH PRESSURE??? He is a kid with a shit ton of trauma suffering with feeling worthless and unneded and dealing with his sexuality and self-acceptance yes, in the fucking 80s, the fact that you're trivializing and undermining just how horrible that time was for LGBT people in every fucking way is fucking disgusting and you shouldn't open your mouth about this ever. It'a a fucking serious thing. Internalized homophobia is a fucking serious thing. Mike is going through A. FUCKING. LOT and you bitches want him to be a stupid one dimensional idiot who can't lie apparently and whose entire fucking arc is simply 'can't say ily to his cool gf'.

Stranger Things is a really cool and layered show, you should try and watch it sometime! ACTUALLY FUCKING WATCH IT.

.

#mileven #anti byler #…… #hate anon #selanswers

[kylejsugarman]

i know that Baby hates Halloween because of jumpscares and such but nobody says she and her family can't make their own version of Halloween! they would dress like ocean creatures, Baby would be a dolphin ofc! they will make ocean themed snacks and spend the day watching Finding Nemo and documentaries and drawing ocean stuff - Jesse and Baby activity, Demi would watch them and smile

they definitely have their own halloween fun that doesnt include the scary stuff!! its easy to fashion a little dolphin fin at home or just go (t-posing while holding a blanket) "im a manta ray" and if halloween falls on a less busy day, she might be joined in dressing up, but sometimes its more like (demi laying on the couch: im coral this year) (jesse laying on top of her: im coral also). the peanuts halloween special definitely has to play at some point during the evening, maybe even twice just to make sure they all have the chance to Soak In the Artistry on Display. its not halloween without charlie brown and snoopy. in addition to ocean snacks, there are DEFINITELY the halloween pillsbury cookies: their first halloween together, jesse was like "do u have those. those halloween cookies up here" and demi was like "?? what do u mean" and he couldnt think of the brand or like a way to describe it with words, so he just ended up desperately scribbling a circle with a little pumpkin on it and showing it to her like a goddamn police sketch, and she was like "OHH those!! yeah of course we have them!! :D" so after all that strife, they have to have them every year. they do low-key stuff all evening like drawing just to maintain a calm atmosphere (they dont live in a super busy area that gets a ton of trick-or-treaters or anything but baby is still pretty anxious on the day for reasons she cant articulate) until baby's relaxed enough to go right to sleep. "now ur an eel" demi says as they roll her up safe and swaddled in a blanket. once she's down, demi's like "do u want to watch a fucked up movie?? :)" and jesse's like (having war flashbacks to years of smoking the weed that makes u scared) "i might have to watch snoopy again, idk if i really Got it the first two times"

#anonymous #ask #syd squeaks #halloween can still be a good time!! :D theres still lots of low-key ways to celebrate. and also pour some ocean into that holiday #jesse pinkman #baby ayuluk #demi ayuluk

[n9ph]

reposting the text i attached to this on my twitter, but! i wanted to draw a special pride piece of these two and me, and talk about how they changed my life, tw below for transphobia, and religious trauma.

(this is all copied directly from the twitter thread i made so, sorry for the weird spacing!)

i found out i was trans when i was 14, unfortunately my own home wasnt accepting by any means, and with that my family had found out i was trans multiple time, the second time completely breaking me to the point where i did everything in my power to not be trans.

which clearly didnt do anything for my mental, shortly after my family had found out the second time, i had gotten into fn again and jonesy absolutely changed my life, he helped me escape the shitty reality i was dealt.

jonesy is a character i will forever cherish, he brought me insane comfort in one of the most painful times in my life, drawing him, playing fn, and seeing others artwork of him, jonesy led me to meet amazing people who i am thankful to know today, one of those people-

being my own roomate who helped me escape my old household. (thanks a ton matt! youre incredible if you read this! :) ) funny enough, during this time, i had started fixating on angels a bunch cause i was drawing guernsey with wings. (insp by turphs art!)

in me doing my tomfoolery, i remember coming across an image of gabriel, and i stared at it for HOURS, and it just jump-started me fixating heavily on angels, looking through tags on tumblr to reblog stuff that fit that "aesthetic"

unfortunately, not a lot of neat stuff comes up when you look up angel on tumblr. its mostly women in lingerie with wings, yeah not what im looking for! and as i kept looking for neat stuff of angels, i couldnt get the image of gabriel out of my mind. (heres me talking about him.)

he continued to sit in my mind for a while, as my interest in him grew, i would tell friends that i really badly wanted to watch tm/c but was scared due to eye horror, and in me expressing my interest in him.

my roommate had found out and was excited to know i had interest in it, and asked about us both watching it together (yet again thanks so much! :) ) and we ended up watching it together and OH MY GOSH i was absolutely amazed, he very quickly took over my heart.

shortly after that my family had found out that i was struggling with my gender identity they absolutely freaked out. it was my breaking point, i was fucking scared but i wasnt going to suffer any longer, if i was going to be in hell then i was going to be in hell comfortably.

during the months of having to deal with transphobia from my family daily, gabriel greatly helped me, i would draw me and him, to help myself feel better, he quite literally is an angel. any moment i was away, i was finding comfort through him.

after getting out of my old home and finally being comfortable being me, i realized that in a strange way, gabriel kind of helped heal so much of my religious trauma in such a short time, obviously not fully healed, but to a point where i am no longer in fear.

now its time for me to wrap this all up, thank you to all of my wonderful friends who stayed with me through it all, (specifically shouting out chicken, matt, and jim/vivus!) and thank you to jonesy and gabriel, who changed and quite literally saved my life. thank you!

#my art #gabriel #jonesy #i am not going to tag this for certain reasons but #its just something i feel the need to share #thank you again <3 #pride 2023 #long post

[groggygrimalkin]

TW SA and Abuse,long heavy personal post

I guess I'm in a sappy mood so I'll talk about why Homestuck means so much to me. For a year I've kinda wanted to make a video about it, and maybe I will, but for now I just wanna talk abt it. I'm not tagging this as hs but serious trigger tag ahead please tell me if you want to tag this as anything

Okay so I got into Homestuck around 2011, I was being pretty heavily abused by my grandma and mom and also neglected by them which is a very weird ass combo, but a story about someone playing a game and having such close friends appealed to me (I also thought Homestuck was an anime before finding the comic and would look up like "Homestuck episode 1" and get mad when I couldnt find it lmao). Now keep in mind I was a child so like media literacy wasn't my strong suit but I still retained and understood a good ammount of stuff mainly about characters. Anyways as a child naturally does I started talking about it with all of my friends and tried to get them into it, and one friend got REALLY into it. The best I can describe it is like that episode of the Cuphead show where Mugman likes piano and Cuphead gets into it and immediately overshadows him. But I was still happy to have someone to talk about it with. My favorite characters at the time were Meulin, Nepeta, and Damara and I would happily talk about them, but the person would shit on me for liking Meulin claiming she was a bad person and constantly pointing out all her flaws, it annoyed me because they're favourite characters had TONS of flaws they didn't acknowledge but for some reason me loving Meulin was the worst thing ever. I also loved the Midnight Crew and later to my chagrin they did too. I kept reading as updates came out and soon Homestuck became their entire thing, I remember going over their house because at a certain point they were my only friend and they talked to me about Homestuck like I didn't introduce them to it. But yknow, okay, whatever. We would ship our ocs with Canon characters and pretend to be characters and stuff, pretty standard until one day they came over my house and insisted on being Dualscar. They wrote a fic about him doing it with one of my ocs and I was just kinda happy for the attention. Anyways we were rping in real life and I don't remember when, or how, but they had me pinned to the couch and were insistent I let them touch me because we were role-playing and they were Dualscar. Now I've always lowkey been ace, especially in my younger years, so I was pretty uncomfortable, and even if I wasnt asexual someone having you pinned down insisting on touching you when you're not consenting isnt a fun time. Anyways they did stuff like this a few times more in various places and would get mad when I said no to their advances. But for some reason I kept hanging out with them. They were gross and rude and pushy but the only friend I had. I remember them basically assigning me Diamonds Droog kin which I didn't care because I liked Droog(still do) and would pretend to be Slick and suprise suprise would try and molest me. I began to get bitter towards Homestuck, something I once loved was being used against me in one of the worst ways possible. It was a weird time because I would just begrudgingly read the updates I once loved. Anyways when I was 15 they molested me again and it was the worst one, like I wouldn't let my family members hug me for years type of bad. I remember the exact video I was watching when it happened, Game grumps playing Silent Hills PT. I couldn't watch that video for years after. I also remember them showing me really fucked up porn between characters and when I asked like "Hey isn't that weird?" They did the ol' "Ugh it's just fictional!!" Sheit. Anyways at a certain point Homestuck was just ruined for me. I finished it just to say I did and when people asked me if I liked it I would lie and say I didn't. Thankfully I broke it off with them after nine fucking years of knowing eachother. For years I continued to say I dislike homestuck until I got like 22...I stumbled upon Hiveswap and it was funny all of the troll and Alternia facts I could remember, I was hesitant at first and was still like "Ugh but I don't REALLY like it!!" And then I saw....Them....

It was a weird feeling accepting that "Yep I like Homestuck I've been lying to myself for years" and I bought friendsim. I was hooked emmediately. It was like a flood of love I had for homestuck when I started in 2011 all came rushing back, the person who hurt me didn't matter, all that mattered is that I was enjoying it again. Tbh like alot of stuff from my first read was sort of still in my mind, so I stuck to watching recap videos and reading segments I couldnt remember and holy shit there was so much I missed as a child. And then I got Hiveswap and BAM I'm hooked even more, and then

AND THEN...

I rewatched and re-read the first intermission...

And it was set in stone that I'm a Homestuck at heart. It was like walking into a bar I hadn't been to in years and all of my old friends were there to welcome me, I was enjoying something again that used to bring me so much comfort before it was ruined for me, but it didn't have to be anymore. I think I sobbed when I realized that. It feels nice to enjoy something that for years was soured for me.

Uh yeah that's why homestucka and hiveswap means so much to me. Opening this blog has been an amazing way for me to get into the fandom which I never have before. I'll probably be an old man talking about leprechauns and trolls but I'll be happy.

#personal #sa mention

[rainninpain]

My boyfriend of four years cheated on me and thr only reason I ever found out was because he paid this female for sex it was a regular thing between them for several years before he met me. Ive been struggling for awhile with my mental health and was actually in the hospital when he fucked this bitch. He didn't pay her all of what he owed so she messaged me to tell me what they did and to tell me her youngest kid was his.

Before the revelation of cheating came about I handed him my phone one night so he could look something up, I was grooming my dog. He not only looked up what we needed he went to my texts messages and looked for messages between another ex bf and a former fiance. There were inappropriate messages from them talking about sex but there was never any acting on it as opposed to be actually physically got with this chick.

Anyhow for months and months he tried to find more and more ways to make me that bad guy when he crossed the physical line. I never denied those texts were inappropriate in a relationship, but he found ways to continuously find ways to read my emails and messages. First i locked the phone, than my tablet, than my car from when my phone was on blue tooth and than finally my smart watch.

I had been sexually assaulted and he didnt seem to care he pressured me more and more about how we werent habing sex and he needed intimacy and blah blah. He brought this shit up over and over for two years. I asked him repeatedly to table the conversation about our sex life and intimacy but he wouldnt.

Two weeks ago I called him out on the fact that he rarely listened to me when talking to him about anything. He didn't say anything. I asked him how often he was talking to the chick he fucked he said rarely. I already knew that was a lie but wanted him to be honest and he wasn't. Than i saw she was coming to town to visit whatever family she has here and i asked him and he lied again. He than got pissed off at me for telling him she couldnt come in our home nor was i going to allow him to take our vehicle to go see her and/or give her a ride. He laughed and called me dumb.

I asked what normal woman would be ok with their partner talking too and hanging out with the woman they cheated with?! He said probably none.

A week goes buy and I am no longer able to fight with him.about this but asked why he can't just be honest. The next night he sends me a text message, couldnt even tell me in person that he isnt in love with me and hasnt been and all this other fucked up shit. We just bought a $500,000 home and hes planning to move out and take the only car we have and leave me fucked. Tonight he tells me his pos alcoholic former bestfriend got his army disability money and he will be leaving even sooner cus the friend owes him $10,000. I asked if he told Josh we aren't together and he says yeah and wtf does it matter since Josh and I dont even speak anymore. I had to deal with Josh's shit for almost 2 years because of my bf. Josh is an alcoholic and caused so many issues.

This is not the first time Justin hurt me i nearly died in 2017 because of him and a friend bullying me. I NEVER should have trusted him again but I have bpd and didn't want to be alone and he promised he would never hurt me again and yet thats all he has done. My dad died 4 May 2021 and my mom 19 April 2022. So i have had nothing but fucked up shit for awhile now. Which is why my mind goes to the darkest and impulsive places. I hate life more and more everyday. My mom was my bestfriend and we were there for eachother and never abandoned. Now not only she is gone but my dad to and I am alone in this world because I trusted someone I shouldn't have. A pos like him. I should have known better....here i am alone in an expensive house with tons of pets a place I thought i would be happy because we bought it and got this specifically for my mom becauae it is handicap accessible but she died two months after moving in.

I truly no longer care about anyone and anything. The more I allow myself to feel things the more pain I end up in. I just want it all to stop. SI is on my mind constantly. The method I'd use so it would guarantee no coming back. The other times I called my doctor and she called 911.

I'm a fucking idiot and an absolute failure at everything. I can't even work because my mental health. I quit working after my first suicide attempt on 7 February 2016. That attempt was the worst of all and I wasn't expected to make it. Why I did I have no clue. I guess I was a puece of shit person in another life and this is KARMA or maybe its just karma for all the shit ive done my entire life.

I always want to help people and everything I ever did that was good never happened in other peoples eyes. I am the villain. I sacrificed half my life to take care of my addict sisters kids and yet my plder sister who actually did the fucked up shit before and after the kids mom died gets all the credit for everything I did. Thats an entire other situation but it all culminates to now and what I am dealing with. I don't know or understand why everyone hates me, why they abandon me, why the hurt me, what is wrong with me?!? I don't belong on this Earth. All I have is constant unbearable pain from loss, grief, depression, anxiety, sadness, trauma, ptsd, bpd, bipolar. What is the point in continuing to live this miserable life?! No one misses me. No one even talked to me at my mothers funeral.not even the other siblings!

#borderline personality disorder #loss of loved one #fuck life #tw depressing thoughts #please dont leave me #hate life #hated #everything is awful #unloved #piece of shit #cheating boyfriend #lies lies and more lies #sex trauma #abuse survivor #suicide survivor #i want to be alone #dont want to be here #fuck you #broken #death #youre nothing #borderline personality traits #bipolar #ptsd

[shuro]

best places to start shiny hunting imo!

sumo/usum sos chaining:

if you want to be completely prepared, it can take a bit of setup to ensure that your chain doesn't break. (harvest phantump with a leppa berry and the move bestow my Beloved)

but it's still super engaging and fun regardless! you don't Need the right setup as long as you are careful to keep swapping out the pokemon that calls for help (if it runs out of PP it can and will kill itself with struggle)

the odds get pretty decent after a chain of 30 iirc, so it's not overly time-consuming unless you get really unlucky (or you accidentally kill your target shiny bc it was so fucking bright outside you couldnt see your ds screen while you were waiting in line to get into ikea during the middle of summer)

it's also not bad getting shiny charm in these games bc there's still online compatibility, and they're still RELATIVELY recent so you can usually find a good trading partner!

legends arceus and scarlet/violet:

(putting these under the same subcategory bc i will explain how pokemon generation works in both these games where there are overworld spawns)

shinies spawn in the overworld in both these games! but they function slightly differently for each. for starters, in legends arceus they make a noise and have a little sparkle animation when you get close to them! this makes it a TON easier to spot subtle shinies, or shiny forms you do not know off the top of your head.

in arceus, when you save in front of a pokemon then restart the game, the same pokemon will always be standing in front of you. the only way to change the pokemon that spawns is by either ko-ing it OR leaving the area, going back to jubilife and returning.

even if you leave the pokemon and go to a completely different area of the map (such as back to a camp) as long as you don't go back to jubilife, the shiny will Stay There until you catch it or ko it. (certain pokemon do despawn when the day/night cycle changes too!)

so each time you visit a specific area of the map, the game generates a seed that determines when/if a shiny will spawn. but, since it's doing this for every single pokemon is on the map, there's a higher likelihood that you will randomly run into one.

meawhile, in s/v, most of the pokemon are generated based on where YOU are. while you can still save in front of a shiny and restart your game safely knowing the shiny will still be there, do NOT let that thing wander out of your sight bc if it travels outside the spawn radius around your trainer, it WILL DESPAWN AND BE GONE FOREVER.

for this reason, it's a little easier to find shinies in s/v because you can rapidly spawn/despawn pokemon as you run around! a lot of people i know who have the game randomly came across shinies during their normal playthroughs at full ods. (i even found a shiny oinkologne a whole whopping two days after the game released. i think my first shiny in sword was yamper, who i spent like around a week Desperately chaining for)

just watch out! bc there's a lot of subtle shinies and they can and will despawn if you aren't careful

sword/shield masuda method:

i dont feel like explaining masuda method after typing up that essay about sv and arceus here's bulbapedia

tl;dr: i lvoe you swsh masuda method

#shiny log

[yanderelovlies]

To give you a short while to relax, let me tell you a story on how I got into the deep deep deep rabbit hole of fucked up romantic fiction 😀

So I loved to read story books when I was around 4-5th grade. I was good with my english for a country that doesn't speak it much (philippines) and joined several writing and reading contests and spelling bees.

But all the books I read with thin and colorful and had pictures, I wanted something large and thick(lmao) and tons of complicated words to practice with. And my grandma at the time had her own little library in her house and she would give me access on tons of books, she didn't say anything about me reading murder mysteries and horror genres... But what intrigued me, was this one book.

I forgot what the title was but it had a mature warning in it with sexual and horror themes. I was so fucking innoncent at that time cause i didnt know what the word sexual meant and at this age my mind could visualize shit better than other kids *cough* maladaptive daydreaming *cough*

The plotline was about a female detective in the 1950s and when solving for a case she always senses someone was following her and thinks it was the suspect of the crime she was trying to find answers to. It wasn't the suspect unfortunately, but a stalker who yanks his meat whenever he hears the detectives voice on the radio.

And OH MY GOD. Something horrible sparked in me. It was two things, one, gay awakening cause the detective was a total girlboss, and second, my obsession with problematic men. I couldnt understand the hanky panky scenes BUT THE WHISPERING AND THE TENSION BETWEEN THESE TWO OUTSIDE THE HANKY PANKY MY GOD

I read that for two years until I discovered yanderes, otome sims, fanfiction.net, wattpad and ao3 but durring those years i had forgotten about the book's title.

And i wanted to find it but unfortunately grandma passed away due to old age in 2020 and her house was in a custody battle between my dad and aunt because grandma never put who would inherit the house in her will. Just divided some fortune between children and grandchildren.

It was also in the will that I would get all of her books (and her amoire that I used to play dress up in and various handbags which was very slay because she had taste 💅) but it wasnt all of the books.

I knew because she had more than two boxes worth of it. She had a bigger collection than any of her friends and coworkers back in the 1960s, her mini library was filled to the brim with books, not a shelf with a single crevice,but all I recieved were 57 books. Her murder mysteries and erotic novels but I never found the one that got me into the rabbit hole..

And the end. Hope you enjoyed :) tell me if you want a vague description of the book cause I read most of it and some lines definately be fic material 👀

Sincerely- Murder Mystery (MM) Anon, a follower since your first work

First off, I love how your grandma nutured your love for reading. My mom did the same for awhile until I had books like fucking everywhere in my room. Though I find a little odd, she would let you read a book like that 👀 or maybe she didn't know, and that's why you didn't get it as an adult?? I kinda wanna know now lol

Also, I didn't get into creepy stuff till I was in my teens (I'm calling myself out and saying creepypasta oop). Like legit when I was younger, my mom put on 1968 Night of the Living Dead movie on me and my brothers request claiming "we were old enough." I stayed up all night that night watching outside my widow cause I knew for SURE zombies were gonna rise at any moment. I also could not listen to any metal music....I was a very scared kid....

I didn't get into erotic literature until I was sixteen or so. I can't think of an incident that stands out because, really, I didn't know anything and just read basic shit. If it had extra tags of kinks and shit I didn't read it.

I thought I would share a bit of myself since you were nice enough to share about yourself, but I would like to hear about this book! Maybe it will give me some inspiration 💕

Oh! And that last bit about your being around since my first fic astounds (in a good way!) me but makes me happy. Thank you, love 💕💕💕

#vivi talks #Murder mystery anon #MM anon