#I'm thinking back to that one time she forgot the “stuff” at the grocery store

[wherevenusholdssomeofficespace]

Linda Flynn-Fletcher

I think Linda Flynn-Fletcher is potentially one of the most misunderstood characters in the show.

It think comes from a natural enough place. Her role in the show is of course, to act as the potential threat to their summers of fun. While they boys never see her as a threat, narratively she's the big bad. If she sees it, its game over.

Here's the thing though. She's a not a bad mom. Her children LOVE her. Similarly to how Phineas and Ferb absolutely adore Candace and would do nearly anything she asked, Phineas, Ferb and Candace all love and respect their mother and don't disobey her. Now a bit of this is clearly Linda being a more permissive parent, but any rules that Linda has Phineas and Ferb never do anything to disobey their mother. While I wouldn't be surprised if there were one or two instances where Candace disobeyed her mother willfully, the closest I can think off off hand is Candace not doing a bunch of chores that she was supposed to do. Really, the fact that all her kids love her, shows how much all her kids feel loved in their household. And I think that's super important. Candace wrote a song about how much she feels loved by her mom, even if her mom is dismissive of Candace. But she still goes with Candace to see what the boys are up to even if she doesn't believe it. She sets boundaries on how often Candace can bust the boys sure. But she hasn't forbidden Candace from doing it altogether. Nor does she punish Candace for presumably lying?

At MOST Linda will say something like: "let's get you out of the sun" after a failed bust. The worst of it I think is probably the time Linda made her promise not to try or suffer the Pharaohs curse. Which, was just some guy in a Pharaoh costume telling Candace curse you. Linda goes out of her way to read books to try and deal with her daughter. She and Candace still clearly hold a lot of affection for each other and do spend a decent amount of mother daughter time together. Linda gives books to her daughter, tries to direct her to other activities, and finds her sleep busting cute, and sometimes goes out of her way to do activities her daughter wants to do with her. All things considered Linda is REALLY patient about Candace's busting. Could she be doing more to get to the bottom of why Candace is presumably acting out? Sure. But Doofensmirtz could also be doing a better job of listening to his daughter and not insulting her (or do we not remember why Vanessa wears earbuds around the house) but we all call him a really good dad.

A LOT of shows have kids hiding a secret from a parent for one reason of another. But while the crux of the show rests on Linda not knowing what her sons are doing, its not because its a secret. The boys aren't hiding it from her. The boys genuinely believe she knows. Lawrence genuinely believes she knows. Candace is the only one in the family who really grasps the situation.

Linda's ignorance, her disbelief of the wild shenanigans that her children get into is easily mistakable for normality. For representing the oppressive day to day. The same thematic antagonist as school. A mom who wants whats best for her kids, and thinks that whats best for them is them being normal, without realizing what's really best for them. After all why else we saw what would happen if she found out in Quantum Boogaloo. But the fact of the matter is aside from that one future (which also featured an effectively evil leader in Doofensmirtz, and therefore implies more factors at play than just Doofensmirtz and Linda's characters), we don't really know how it would play out in the long term. Future Linda even just kinda moves on after discovering the truth.

Linda is exactly like her kids. She just does the same things on a less physics breaking scale. The woman has like 37 different hobbies. She takes a cooking class, donated an art sculpture, is part of a jazz group. She has a background in astrophysics. She was a pop star. She won a meatloaf contest. She takes french lessons. The fact that Linda has several hobbies is part of the reason the formula works at all. Linda is constantly trying new things which gets her out of the house, while her sons are trying their own new things. Her absence is what prompts Candace to have to go looking for her. Also, What Do It Do when the moment Linda gets put in Candace's position she acts the exact same way.

Also it's why she and Lawrence are so compatible. They have a lot of weird hobbies they spend together. She likes Lawrence's history references. They watch car racing together. They went spelunking together. They go bowling regularly enough to have equipment. She has played the bagpipes while Lawrence danced (which sidenote: do you think she taught Candace how to play the bagpipes?).

Not to mention her extended family. Think about it. Her mom was a competitive roller derby skater who once bit a skate and shook it like a dog with a chew toy and pulls elaborate pranks with her identical twin. Really she's a lot like Candace with her aggressive passion. Her dad apparently won a balloon race, but tells the story in the most straightforward way possible, sometimes very oblivious, but is overall a lot like Phineas. Her sister is an adrenaline junky. And back to Quantum Boogaloo for a minute: Her granddaughter is just like Candace, Grown up Candace is a lot like Linda. Do you not see the implications!!?!?!? LIKE???? DO YOU NOT REALIZE THAT LINDA WAS PROBABLY A LOT LIKE CANDACE AND PHINEAS WHEN SHE WAS YOUNGER?!!?! YOU THINK IT SKIPPED A GENERATION OR SOMETHING???

Do you think Linda used to complain about Tiana??? Do you think Linda thought her family was weird and was embarrassed by them??? Do you think Linda ever called herself the only mature/normal member of her family?? LIKE CANDACE DOES????

Anyway, Linda is just like her family. Sure, she is RELATIVELY more normal, but that's relative, and probably simply because the universe bends itself around to keep her from knowing. Linda literally cannot find out about the real nature of her universe. Linda is just a grown up version of her children, seeking to make the most of each day, but within the bounds the universe has set upon her, both as an adult woman and mother, but also in the laws of physics expected of her. But she still makes the most of her life. You don't have to build a roller coaster to make the most of each day and all that.

I think if Linda is representing anything its that even parents can have rich fulfilling lives. Where they make the most out of each day. Having fun with your life doesn't stop with adulthood. Even if you have more responsibilities doesn't mean you can't have fun? Sure childhood is something you can't get back but growing up isn't inherently bad either?

#pnf #phineas and ferb #linda flynn fletcher #The woman is a former pop star #and has a secret background in astrophysics #you would think that would be enough but nooo #i generally don't care to comment on the suspected neurodivergent status of cartoon characters #because neurodivergency exists in the context of society #and cartoon characters exist in a completely different context #and when characters are inspired by real people (like Linda being inspired by Dan's sister) it can get messy #but if Phineas and Candace and Doofensmirtz are ADHD so is Linda #she just has adult woman flavor ADHD #aka the reason that woman and girls go underdiagnosed or are often diagnosed with anxiety instead #I think we often don't recognize how frequently she forgets things #I'm thinking back to that one time she forgot the “stuff” at the grocery store #she stayed up all night making last minute pies #working up to the deadline on an art sculpture #at one point runs out of contacts (presumably because she forgot to get more) #gets overwhelmed when planning the block party #and that's just what I can think of off hand #anyway I will not stand for Linda slander

[itskattkm]

Based on a request

Tara Carpenter x Fem Reader

Warnings: Christmas stuff, slight fluff, being nervous and shy as f*ck

A/N: Sorry for my bad writing, sorry for switching the perspectives :D I hope that the translation was at least good. Have fun. I tried my best.

When you’re home

Y/n sat on her armchair in her two-room apartment as she comfortably drank a ginger tea. When she took a sip of it, she slightly twisted her face and whispered "spicy." She smiled and looked out the window. It was snowing and the snow breathed the city of New York into a beautiful white. She ran over to the window and sat down on the window sill to watch the snow.

It was her first Christmas in New York. Before that, New York seemed to be a dream world for her. A world she only knew from movies. If her ten-year-old self could only see her now. She lived in a small overpriced apartment near her college. She studied (insert) and even had a girlfriend.

She was surprised herself. She could never have guessed how things would develop after she moved here. Y/N had a girlfriend. How strange.

As y/n continued to observe the falling snow, she had to think of Tara. What did Tara do right now ? She asked herself. She hadn't seen her girlfriend for a week because they were both busy with their exams. Now it was finally the weekend. For now, that meant that she could switch back and relax. No learning for now.

A flashing light attracted y/n attention. She looked to the left and could see how her neighbors opposite the house decorated their windows with fairy lights. "Oh shit," y/n said to herself. She had forgotten to buy and decoration for Christmas herself she totally forgot because of all the exam tasks, after all, tomorrow was already the first Advent. Y/N sighed and put her cup aside. This was her first Christmas alone. Without her family. Otherwise, her mother had made sure that everyone in the family came to decorate. She always bought the Christmas decorations.

Suddenly y/n cell phone rang. She looked over to the living room table and saw a picture of herself and Tara.

She answered and said shy "hey"

Tara laughed into the cell phone "y/n where are you? We're waiting"

Y/n looked confused out of the window

"What do you mean?" She asked laughing slight

Tara sighed slight

"Decorating. Christmas. You. Me. In... my apartment?" She said in a cute way

Y/n laughed and felt her heartbeat running faster "is this your way to ask me if I Wanne come over to decorate with you?"

Tara hesitated with the answer and grinned broadly when she said "maybe?"

Y/n grinned "wow who's the shy one now?"

Tara laughed "thin ice y/n... thin ice"

Y/n grinned wider and felt the heat in her cheeks. Normally y/n was always the shy and nervous one of both, but there were those rarely sweet moments when it was exactly the other way around.

"Okay Fine..." said Tara and sounded like she was giving up "would you like to come over for decorating? Since it will be our first Christmas together?"

"But it's not Christmas yet" I said teasing

Tara sighed again but y/n could already see in front of her eyes how Tara smiled, her dimples came out and the slight blush appeared in her cheeks.

"My god do you two always need so much time to get to the point?" I heard Sam say on the other side of the line.

Suddenly the cell phone rushed at Tara's side and Sam said to Y/n "please come over y/n. We wanted to decorate the apartment and we had the idea to invite you"

I smiled broadly and nodded even though she couldn't see it.

"I'll be there in 20 minutes... Should I bring anything?" I asked out of intuition and looked through my apartment. Im such an idiot I have no decoration at all I thought.

"Yes, I had the idea that the three of us could eat something... meet Tara in the New Bodega store you can help her with the groceries," said Sam

"Okay, I'm on my way"

Both ended the phone call and y/n put on her coat and gloves. She packed her keys and left the apartment. Outside, she immediately hit a light gust of wind with thousands of snowflakes. She straightened her coat and made her way to the bodega. As it was getting more and more windy, she tried to hurry.

When she saw the lights of the bodega, she sighed with relief and ran across the street. She ran into the bodega and a warm wave hit her. She took a relaxed breath and looked around to find Tara. At that moment, a laugh also had to refrain. Tara was too small to be able to see her across the shelves. And just as this thought went through y/n head, Tara appeared in the next aisle and looked at her warningly "I know exactly what you just thought" she said and pointed her finger at y/n.

Y/n laughed nervously and was thrown off by Tara with a pack of napkins the next moment. Y/n just caught the pack and looked at Tara with a crooked head "Sorry...?" Said y/n shyly.

Tara's facial expressions became gentler and she smiled as she slowly approached y/n. She grabbed her coat and pulled y/n closer to kiss her.

Y/n closed her eyes for a brief moment and had felt a pleasant wave of goosebumps all over her body as Tara's gentle lips touched her.

"What will we cook later?" I asked Tara as we separated from each other.

Tara looked at the little note in her hand "Just some pasta. Nothing special. But on Christmas Eve... you'll get the best Mexican food you have ever eaten"

She said excitedly. Y/n sprays a pleasant warmth in her body when she nervously said "so I’m invited for Christmas?"

Tara smiled wide and moved closer to y/n

"Your my girlfriend... did you though I want to spend Christmas without you?"

Y/n shrugged her shoulders "Yes but... Sam... your family?"

Tara slowly put her arm around y/n waist and kissed her gently on the cheek as she whispered "your my family now..."

Tara detached herself from y/n and searched the shelves for the last ingredients. Y/n looked at her with admiring eyes as she still felt the kiss on her cheek and Tara's words repeated themselves in her head. If only Tara could know how important these words were for y/n. Y/n didn't even knew it herself until that moment. Y/n came out of her trance and followed Tara.

Finally arrived at Tara's and Sam's apartment. Y/n Smiled amazed it was the complete opposite of her apartment. It smelled like baked cookies and there was decoration everywhere. When she entered the living room of the carpenter sisters, it was felt with warm light and a large Christmas tree.

"Wow..." y/n said speechless and looked at the top of the tree that touched the ceiling.

"Sam had to exaggerate a bit with the tree" said Tara and laughed behind y/n.

"Yeah sure... at least we have a Christmas tree. Now let's get this started," said Sam, who came out of her room and pressed a box into y/n hands. Tara brought the groceries to the kitchen and I stood in the living room like a lost deer. I looked around nervously and didn't know where and how to start. My heart began to beat faster and faster and I looked around slightly panicked.

The next moment, Tara took the box from me. She smiled warmly at me "Take off your coat and then help me..."

I nodded silently and went back into the hallway where I hung up my jacket at the cloakroom. I took off my gloves and went nervously back to the living room.

I stood in front of the tree with my arms crossed and looked up to the top with a concentrated look. Since the tree was too big, the top was bent a little because of the ceiling.

"If I get scissors... I could try to cut off the tip. So that a star still fits on it," I said shyly to Tara.

Even before I could finish my sentence, Tara was already holding scissors in front of my face.

I laughed lightly and took it from her.

After I took one of the dining table chairs and climbed on it to get to the top better, I struggled with the scissors to cut through the wood of the tip.

"How's it going up there?" Tara asked and without looking I knew that she was just grinning. I sighed "if you want you can give it a try," I said in a sarcastic tone and looked down at her.

She stood there with her arms crossed and grinned dirty "no thanks. Im good. I like the view tho..."

I looked away nervously and couldn't resist a slight laugh. I immediately felt the heat in my ears and shortly afterwards in my whole face.

After a few seconds, I managed to cut off the tip. And then threw it at Tara with a grin as I got off the chair.

"Hey!" She called and threw the tip back.

I caught it and put it on the living room table.

"I have to admit... I feel a little overwhelmed," I said nervously and looked at the tree and the boxes with the decoration.

Tara hugged y/n from behind and put her head on her shoulder.

"Relax..." she said.

I sighed "relax? Decorating the tree was always stressful at home. No matter how I and my dad had decorated in, my mom then corrected everything afterwards," I said and laughed nervously.

Suddenly I felt Tara's lips on my neck and I got very stiff.

I felt a tingling at the point where her lips had touched me. My thoughts were empty and I began to perceive more the pressure of her arms around my body.

"It's okay..." she now whispered in my ear and I had goosebumps again.

I went to relax my body and let myself fall into Tara's embrace. She held me tight and gave me a gentle kiss on the cheek.

"Come on lovebirds..." said Sam and joined us in the living room.

Y/n blushed slightly again and started decorating the tree with the carpenter sisters. They began to tell each other their weirdest Christmas story's and made sure to not break any Christmas decoration.

When we finished decorating the tree, Sam and Tara began discussing about who could be the one to put the star on the top. I just kept grinning watching them discussing.

"Tara you don't even reach the top and I bought the tree" she said teasing and held the star up so Tara couldn't reach it.

I had to keep my laughing back so hard. I never thought Sam would really tease Tara because of her size.

"Oh really? Watch me!" Said Tara competitive and managed to get the star out of Sam's hands.

Tara walked towards y/n and said

"Pick me up"

"What?" I said and laughed.

Tara looked at me with a tilted head and a slight serious look.

I stopped laughing and nodded. I bent down and put my arms around her thighs and lifted her up the next moment.

Sam laughed "I can't believe it"

We laughed when I held tara up so she could reach the top.

"Everything okay up there?" I asked grinning after Tara still didn't manage to put the star on.

"Why don't you try?" She said slightly annoyed, but I heard a smile.

I grinned broadly and held her tighter.

"Im good... I like the view" I said teasing and looked up at her while her ass wasn't far away from my face.

Tara stopped in her move and looked down at y/n with a grin, before putting the star on top of the tree.

"Finally..." said Sam and left into the kitchen.

I breathed out and let Tara down careful.

She wrapped her arms around my neck and gave me a soft kiss on the cheek.

After decorating the rest and eating together it was already dark outside.

"Thank you for the invite..." I said shy and finished to clean the last dish from our dinner.

"You don't have to be y/n... you’re part of the family" said Sam with a warm smile and touched slight y/n’s shoulder as she left the kitchen.

Again I had that goosebump on my whole body. Family. I repeated in my head.

I turned around and leaned on the kitchen counter when Tara walked towards me and grabbed my hands and intertwined our fingers.

"You good?" She whispered and moved closer to y/n

"Yeah why?" I asked quite and looked into her dark welcoming and shining eyes.

Tara shrugged her shoulders and smiled shy

"You seemed to be a bit off..."

Y/n let go of Tara's hands and placed them on Tara's hips and pulled her closer in.

"I'm good..." I whispered with a slight smile.

Tara moved her hand slowly around y/n neck and moved even closer whispering "you stay the night?" Her lips brushed slight y/n’s.

Y/n blushed and grinned shyly.

"Only... if you help me next weekend to decorate my apartment cause I totally forgot about Christmas and have nothing for my apartment".

Tara smirked and kissed y/n deep before whispering "I'll take care of that".

One week passed. It was Friday evening y/n was lying on her couch in black joggers and a hoodie. Suddenly there was a knock on the door.

Y/n furrowed her brows and got up. Who could that be. She didn't had invited anyone. As soon as she opened the door she saw Tara, Mindy, Chad and Sam. Holding many shopping bags and boxes in their hands.

"Hello there!" Called out Mindy like y/n always did.

They walked past y/n and got into her apartment.

"Damn we got some work do to here" said Sam. While y/n looked confused after chad, Mindy and Sam. Tara was standing beside y/n with a wide grin.

"I told you I'll take care of that"

Y/n looked shy at Tara "thank you..." she said quite.

There was this spark in Tara's eyes again. She moved closer to y/n and held up suddenly a mistletoe.

Y/n blushed more and felt caught off guard.

Tara kept grinning "your so shy sometimes I love it" she whispered while grabbing y/n by her chin and kissing her deep.

Y/n felt herself melting away in Tara's hands. She felt the warmth of her hands on her face and her soft lips on hers.

She pulled Tara closer and kissed her back

After both stopped kissing, y/n rested her forehead on Tara's and whispered "you feel like home to me you know that right?"

Tara smiled and caressed y/n cheek

"I know..."

Y/n kissed her softly and pulled her arms around Tara "we're family now..."

#fanfiction #jenna ortega #wednesday #ghostface #tara carpenter x you #tara carpenter x reader #tara carpenter #samantha carpenter #mindy meeks martin #chad meeks martin #jenna ortega x reader #wednesday addams x you #wednesday addams x reader #wednsday addams #scream

[1d1195]

My Friend's Toyota IV

Read the rest here: My Friend's Toyota

~6.2k words

Warnings: fluff, some angst, some 18+ escapades mentioned/described but nothing over the top, virgin reader/experienced H (semi-spoiler: you will not be reading about their first time in this one) I'm sure we all know I do 3rd POV typically, but I think this will also feel like it's rapidly switching between our characters within that lens, so just keep that in mind. Also I think this part is really... complex if you will. Think coming of age, trying to figure out life kind of stuff. It's not easy and I wrote it randomly in a way, because I don't think you can wrap all this stuff up in a neat little bow the way you expect to. There are curveballs in life and especially in sex. There are difficult conversations to be had and things that are hard to explain; this is just the way I chose to portray such a relationship. I kind of left this open-ended in a way that I could come back to it for follow-ups. I hope that doesn't detract from the story.

Sorry for the long note; here is the last part. Thank you for reading it. I hope you enjoy 💕

Harry wondered if he kissed her would his lips stick to hers.

He kind of hoped they would.

She’s not ready for the air to get colder / ‘Cause she’s so used to living on the beach down in Florida / Wanna take her to the mountains / We can take my friend’s Toyota / But the heat don’t work so when the air gets colder / I can hold ya

Harry was going to kill Mitch. When they stopped for gas, he texted him while she ran in to the station to grab some extra snacks. How come the heat isn’t working?

Whoops. I forgot about that...

Mitchell. She is FREEZING.

Sarah says it’s an excuse to snuggle.

Honestly, Harry had already thought of that. But he wanted her to be whole and warm when they made it to the cabin. It made him so anxious that he was ruining their weekend getaway before it barely started. But she returned chipper as ever, four cups of hot liquid in a little cardboard tray. He smirked, raising his eyebrows suspiciously at the copious number of drinks.

She smiled shyly. “It’ll be warm,” she shrugged.

He chuckled as she settled the drinks in the middle of the bench seat and made sure they wouldn’t spill while Harry drove. It was only another hour to the cabin. It was freezing. Truly, freezing didn’t even justify the cold temperature she was feeling. It felt like there was ice in the bottom of her shoes—she contemplated spilling one of the cups of hot chocolate she purchased into her boots just for warmth. “M’so sorry about the heat, kitten. I didn’t know.”

Despite her jaw silently chattering (she hid the sound of it from Harry by pulling her lower lip into her mouth ever so slightly) she smiled at him. “I’m fine,” she promised. Really, she was. It wasn’t like she was going to get hypothermia or anything, it was just cold. The hot liquid helped though, the cup warmed her gloved hands and melted her insides as she drank it. Harry also provided her with two warm, fuzzy blankets to snuggle under during the ride. It wasn’t too late—but winter up North anything past four PM was late. The sky was nearly black, only stars and stray wispy clouds. It didn’t help the chill in the cab of the truck. She packed an overnight bag of her regular belongings with clothes and toiletries, her backpack (because it was really hard for her to part from her schoolwork when school was in session), and plenty of jackets and sweatshirts. Harry packed about the same and all their bags were piled into the thin backseat of the cab of the truck as well. In the bed of the truck was an assortment of drinks and food items they might need as general basics when they got to the cabin. They would still need to go to the grocery store.

The prospect of playing house with her was very exciting.

Harry thought she was the cutest little ad for ski gear with a little knit headband around her ears and matching mittens. She was so pretty it made him feel dizzy. “Do you want some?” She asked, grabbing a second cup from the tray. He smiled, taking it with one hand and sipping it. He popped out the cupholder that resided within the dash and slid it in.

His mum always warned him that driving at dusk and dawn were the two hardest times to drive. Between the animals and other drivers struggling to see in the fading or growing light he wasn’t surprised.

Add in snow coming off the mountain? It was another added distraction.

But she had never seen snow. “Oh my God,” she whispered.

He smiled silently at her awed expression, keeping his eyes on the road, the wiper blades pushing the fluffy squall of flakes off the glass. She shifted in her seat edging closer to the dashboard, the seatbelt stretching to accommodate her closeness. “Is it always sparkly like that?” Her voice was reverent. Soft and warm despite how icy she must have felt. Harry was focused on not skidding on what could be an icy cold road. Maybe he should have waited until the morning to start driving but he wanted to milk every possible second of the weekend with her without interruption from anyone. A two-night, and two-and-a-half-day stay was hardly enough so he wasn’t going to lose that half a day for nothing.

“I’ve never noticed it sparkling,” he admitted. She used her teeth to pull her glove off before she reached for the windshield. With one finger on it, the heat from her finger creating a little halo of steam on the glass, her eyes scanned the fluttering snow as it fell in front of the headlights.

“It’s like glitter,” she murmured. “It’s so pretty; I don’t think I’ve ever seen something this pretty…can we stop?”

It was fortunate they were coming to a rest stop—Harry had only been to Mitch’s cabin a few times but when they travelled in from their hometown, it was a much longer journey, and the rest stop was always needed. Pulling off the highway, she got out of the car quickly. Harry followed suit, locking the vehicle and fell into step beside her. She was so bright-eyed. The chill in the air didn’t seem to bother her, although Harry was sure it had to because it almost bothered him.

There was a thin layer of snow coating the ground. If he had a measuring tape, it wouldn’t even read a millimeter. She stood still gazing upward, the fluffy flakes caught on her little headband, in her hair. They melted as they hit her face, making her cheeks spotted with a little drop of moisture.

But what had him falling further in love with her was the way they fell on her eyelashes and clung to them for a moment before turning into water again. Her cheeks pinked in the chilly air and Harry wondered if he kissed her would his lips stick to hers.

He kind of hoped they would.

Without warning, she hurried to the picnic table that was also covered in snow and laid across it, stretching her arms out and sighing deeply. “I know I’m always cold, but I do love it. It’s so much better than the heat,” she looked so gorgeous, Harry could hardly breathe. She turned her head and smiled at him. “You think I’m crazy,” she giggled.

He nodded. “I do,” he sounded so serious, but his smile was so enticing it made her stomach hurt.

“You know, this is where you would murder me,” she told him.

He snorted and shook his head at her. “Oh?”

“Yup. You kill me here, abandoned rest stop, closed for the season. No one finds me till spring. You have your nice long weekend alone.”

He rolled his eyes. “You think Allie wouldn’t hunt me down?”

“You stole my phone tell her I couldn’t be here anymore, too cold. Move back south.”

“Your parents?”

“They haven’t a clue,” she shrugged.

“No more podcasts, kitten.”

She turned her attention back to the sky, the falling flakes making her look like a literal snow angel, speckling her hair. “It’s beautiful,” her voice was so soft. Harry smiled and moved to lay beside her. She shifted, allowing space on the creaky table. He let one leg dangle off the side, propped up by the bench seat. He tried to see it the way she saw it. It had been so long since he had stopped and watched the snow fall. He knew it was beautiful. There were reasons people visited the mountains to ski and have romantic, chilly getaways. But he could hardly tear his eyes away from her to look at the beauty she saw that wasn’t her own reflection. “Do you even like snow?” She asked.

He nodded. “When I was younger,” he started. “I was the only boy,” he smiled fondly. “Mum and Gemma were adamant that I do what was proper and right. But it was more than that. I wanted t’be a gentleman t’them, y’know?” She didn’t obviously, not exactly, but she nodded. “I actually liked shoveling. Our neighbors paid me t’shovel their drives as well,” he explained. “It was so quiet. Y’can’t really tell right now,” he gestured toward the highway that had cars singing down the road to their destinations. “Snow absorbs the sound of everything else, traps it in the flakes and carries it t’the ground like s’tucking a kid into bed,” he shook his head with a smile. “S’the only way I can describe it. Felt like when Mum would carry me t’bed when I was sick,” he paused. “You must think I’m crazy,” he smiled.

She shook her head eagerly. “No,” she promised. “I mean, it’s a weird way to say no one will hear me scream when you murder me,” she shrugged and Harry laughed, rolling his eyes again. Seriousness came over her features again and she turned on her side to face him. “Tell me more,” she whispered. “It’s quiet,” she reminded him, encouraging him to continue his story. “You liked shoveling?”

He kissed the middle of her forehead and took a deep breath inhaling her perfume and the smell of her laundry detergent that mixed together to create this amazing scent that was entirely her. “My mum and Gemma did so much for me,” he explained. “I’d do anything for them. So...I like the snow a lot. S’peaceful.”

She looked back up and watched the flakes fall and land on Harry’s skin without any pattern. It made his skin dewey and somehow more beautiful. She brushed her glove thumb on his eyebrow, brushing the flakes that landed there before they froze. “It is peaceful.”

“We should go before we freeze.”

“Eager to kill me in private, I see.”

“There’s something wrong with you.”

“You picked me,” she giggled getting off the table and right as she stepped away, Harry grabbed her hand, pulled her back so she was between his legs, arms pressed to the front of his body and his arms circled around her waist.

“I’d pick you, again and again,” he promised before kissing her sweetly on the lips. Fortunately (or unfortunately, for Harry), their lips didn’t stick together.

Harry forgot how much warmth was produced to melt any hope of staying stuck to her.

*

“Can I do something?” She asked about ten minutes longer into the drive.

“Of course,” he chuckled.

She unbuckled herself, scooted to the middle seat, replacing her old spot with the warm drinks ensuring once more they wouldn’t spill while driving. She leaned toward him, her body snug against his side. His hand fell to her thigh wrapped in at least two layers and he still thought she wouldn’t have looked sexier in lingerie. Carefully, she draped her blankets across Harry’s lap as well. “This is much better,” she sighed.

Harry couldn’t have agreed more. He squeezed her thigh and kissed the top of her head without moving his gaze from the road. “Warm?” He asked.

She nodded. “Very.”

His heart was in his throat because the snow was getting a little heavier as he creeped further north to the little mountain town. Her sweet voice was going on and on about how pretty the snow was, what she was looking forward to this weekend, and how not even their upcoming finals had her in a bad mood.

It took every ounce of self-control to focus on the road and not her. When she started pointing at how fluffy the flakes were once more Harry cleared his throat. “Kitten,” his voice was soft. She could hear the warning tone. A frown graced her lips in his peripheral.

“Yeah?”

“I love your voice,” he began.

Looking away briefly she turned and nuzzled her face against his jacketed arm. “I’m talking too much, aren’t I?” She asked quietly.

“God, no,” he shook his head, it seemed horrible to face forward and not look at her while he reassured her. “I’d listen t’you for hours jus’ t’hear y’read the ingredients in m’shampoo,” he promised. “But you are the most precious cargo I’ve ever driven—”

Immediately, she turned her face toward his arm, still pressed to his side. Like she was embarrassed over the notion. “That’s the sweetest—”

“—and I want t’stare at you, and talk t’you about the snow, finals, everything, love. But I want t’get you to the cabin safely. Your sweet voice is so distracting. S’not your fault at all. S’mine. I jus’ want t’look at you.”

“I’ll be quieter,” she promised, but there was a smile in her voice as she murmured quietly into his arm again.

“You’re not mad, no?”

She shook her head. “Not at all. I’ve never driven in the snow. Forgot it might be scary. Even for a veteran driver like you,” she nosed at his arm again. She let all the air escape her in a long sigh. “I’ll let you focus,” her voice wasn’t as exuberant, but Harry glanced at her briefly to see a content smile on her face. Her eyes facing forward as she admired the snowy road. Relief coursed through him that she didn’t hate him for basically telling her to shut up. Quietly she hummed to the music playing through the speakers.

Harry was a believer in some kind of heaven beyond.

But driving along a cold snowy road, with the girl of his dreams on his arm, he stopped believing.

There was no way heaven could exist if she was right beside him.

*

The cabin was the stuff of dreams. It was secluded, but honestly not in the serial killer way she kept mocking Harry about. From the little perch of land, she could see down to the town nearby. Not quite rural but not urban either. It was perfect. They stopped at the grocery store on the way in and she caught sight of an old bookstore and a little boutique that she wanted to go to tomorrow.

“I honestly hadn’t considered killing you till now, kitten,” Harry was grumbling as they carried the groceries in first, then their other bags. When Harry glanced away very briefly to check nothing was left in their cart, she paid for the groceries with a tap of her debit card.

“I knew it,” she whispered to mostly herself with a smile.

“Supposed t’be treating you,” he continued grumbling.

“Harry, you treat me literally all the time. You worked so many extra shifts this week to make up for missing the weekend ones. Just let me,” she assured him putting the perishables in the fridge and freezer. He still felt guilty, and she could see his mind spinning with ways to make up for the “atrocity.”

“D’you want anything t’eat or drink?” He asked.

“How about the pizza?” She suggested. It was quick and easy and didn’t require a lot of thought to make. It would be easy for their first night here. “I got it,” she offered, and Harry went to set up the fireplace. While he worked on the fire, she meandered around the cabin. It was warm and cozy but also extremely open. Pictures of Mitch and Harry were strewn about table surfaces. Vacations from their school days. Other pictures of whom she assumed was the rest of Mitch’s family. Sarah was even in a few, too. The décor was perfect for a cabin. Like it had been crocheted a giant sweater to sit on the walls with a variety of little inspirational ski quotes like “skiing is the next best thing to having wings.” It was toasty without the fireplace going just because it was everything a mountain cabin should be.

The beautiful stone fireplace cracked now that Harry had fed it enough firewood. It was along the back wall set between windows that let the sunlight in each morning (she wasn’t positive on that, but assumed it was built so the bedrooms wouldn’t be in direct sunlight while waking up), and the coziest looking couches she had seen. They fit the room perfectly. All they needed was a sweet, chocolate labrador to play fetch with and this could be home.

She pulled the knit headband off her head, finally warming from the heat and the fireplace. Harry brought her a glass of wine. It felt like they were real adults on a trip. Harry almost immediately stripped of his outdoor gear when they arrived, but it took a while for her southern blood to warm. Eventually she slid her coat off. Harry hung it on the back of a chair while he found plates in the cabinet and finished with the remainder of the groceries: things for the bathroom that weren’t regularly stored in the little getaway. She was inspecting the bookshelf reading the back of covers that were old and well-loved. “Anything good?”

She smiled. “I think all books are good.”

He chuckled, grabbed their overnight bags by the front door and went off to another room. Her heart pounded with the realization they were on a trip together and it wasn’t just Harry’s suite like she had gotten used to over the last month and a half.

All week she had been nervous. Allie could tell it reached a breaking point on Thursday when she was packing. Harry was at work, unaware of her troubles. She knew she was being ridiculous. Harry had been nothing but kind since she met him. But when he brought their bags to the other room, all the anxiety she had squashed down came flooding back to her.

“Are you excited?” Allie’s voice was gentle when she asked while she finished zipping her bag. All she needed were the toiletries that she would pack once she used them in the morning.

“Yes,” she murmured.

“Oh, that’s assuring,” Allie hopped onto her bed and patted the seat beside her as if it were her room. “C’mon, sweetie,” she encouraged with a sweet smile. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

She shook her head, cheeks flaming, unable to put it into words because she felt so embarrassed. Even in front of someone who was very much her best friend. “It’s nothing.”

“I’ll tickle it out of you,” she warned.

“Oh my God,” she sat beside her and looked at her hands in her lap. It was extremely quiet in her room. “I’ve never had sex,” she mumbled.

“What?!” She gasped.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” she groaned. “I knew it was weird,” she covered her face with her hands.

“No, shit,” Allie put a comforting hand on her arm. “No, it’s not weird. It’s not anything,” she said reassuringly.

“Allie, Harry has definitely had sex, yes?” Allie was silent. “Right,” tears welled in her eyes. “It’s just this element of our relationship that’s so...” she shook her head. “Unequal.”

“Sweetie, Harry is not going to care about that at all.”

“I know, but I do,” she admitted, her voice cracking. “I feel so...lame. So immature. How is that possible?”

“I really don’t know because you are way more mature than I am, and it’s got nothing to do with sex.”

She ignored that comment because she knew it was supposed to help but everything felt awful. Her body was overheating with shame and awkwardness she had never felt before. “What if I’m bad at it?”

Allie snorted and patted her arm again. “Impossible.”

“Allie...” she whined, tears still filling her vision. “I...” she swallowed, took a deep breath. “I think I love him. If I’m not good at it... then... I’m just a waste of his time—”

Allie shook her head immediately. “Stop, stop, stop,” she hushed. “You are not a waste of time. If you and Harry stopped seeing each other tomorrow, I would expect him to write you a thank you note for being with him for the past few months.”

“You think I’m an idiot. A prude.”

“No, of course not! I’m surprised. You’re hot as fuck, babe,” she rolled her eyes. “You didn’t have anyone you wanted to...?” she trailed off with the question lending itself to the silence.

“No,” she shook her head. “You have to understand, my parents are so in love with each other. Sometimes it’s nauseating. It’s not like I didn’t want to just get it out of the way. I wish I did. I wish I just... God, it’s so lame sounding. I just think it’s supposed to be special. It’s an important part of a relationship, but I didn’t want it to be the only thing,” her voice cracked more times than she could count. The words came out in a sad whisper. But she left the story about studying for physics in her junior year that she had told Harry unsaid. Allie nodded understandingly.

“That’s not lame, sweetie,” she promised. “There’s no right or wrong to it. It just is.”

“I literally Googled how not to be bad in bed.”

Allie laughed despite herself. “Of course you would do research.”

“Al,” she whined again.

“I’m not trying to pry, sweetie... have you... done anything precursory with Harry?” She asked.

Her face warmed and she nodded. It wasn’t every night they slept together or anything, but Harry’s fingers and tongue were no stranger to her body. Her mouth honestly ached to have him in her just as much as her body seemed to ache recently for more than what they were currently doing.

Allie sighed. “Look, I said it before, I’ll say it again. If Harry tries anything shady with you, I will cut his dick off, no questions asked. Honestly, he would probably appreciate the gesture on your behalf,” she shrugged. When she didn’t hear a flicker of laughter she continued, gentler than the previous sentence. “Sweetie, I know you love him,” it was a little weird to hear her best friend say it without the word think or feel in it the way she had said it, thought it, and voiced it out loud. “But God, if he doesn’t love you too,” she promised. “It doesn’t have to happen. I know I was a little wary of him at first, but I can tell that Harry would do anything to make you happy,” she promised. “You probably wouldn’t need to have sex with him ever if you didn’t want to.”

“I think I want to.”

“Okay, well,” Allie turned, waiting for her to look at her. Gather all the attention with focused eye contact with the utmost seriousness she had ever seen on her free-spirited friend’s face. “Until that’s an ‘I know’ you’re not to do anything you don’t want to. Do you understand? I have a mind to tell Harry myself because you’re too kind to say it.”

“Oh, that’s a great idea Allie,” she grumbled sarcastically. “Tell my boyfriend I’m too scared to go away with him because I think I’ll be bad at sex?”

Allie didn’t even flinch and the preposterousness of it all. “I literally do not care,” she shrugged.

A beat of silence ensued. “I won’t,” she mumbled. It wasn’t like Allie was wrong in her line of thinking. It did sound like something she would do to appease Harry. “I won’t,” she repeated more for herself than for Allie.

When Harry returned from putting their bags away, she was still pretending to read the back of book covers while she reminisced about the conversation she had with Allie. “I think this is where Mitch’s mum puts all the books they no longer read, kind of thing,” he explained, entering the room, and pulling her from her thoughts.

She hoped her smile wasn’t awkward or uncomfortable looking. “Yeah, some old ones here,” she affirmed and brought one of the books and her glass of wine to the sofa, she settled both on the coffee table and looked at the fire again. “This is perfect, Harry,” she smiled. Her heart felt whole, despite all the anxiety she also felt. He sighed nearly with relief.

“Good,” he fell beside her and pressed a hand to the side of her face. “M’glad,” he kissed her forehead effectively turning her insides to liquid. “Pizza’s almost ready. Did y’want t’study for a bit before we... watch a movie or something?”

Her heart felt so much gratitude for him. “Really? On a Friday night? A weekend getaway?” She wondered.

“I mean... if y’don’t want to, then of course not. But I know y’well enough t’know y’kind of want to. Because y’don’t want t’fall behind—which I do think is impossible... but I know it’ll make y’feel better t’turn your brain off tomorrow and Sunday,” he shrugged with a smile that was so easy and lovely she really believed Sarah for a moment that he wouldn’t have sex if she asked.

But there was no way she was going to ruin a romantic weekend away. “I have Monday,” she said firmly.

“Are y’sure? I really don’t mind. M’behind myself, a bit because of the extra shifts,” he explained.

Her guilt flew out of her system. “Oh, okay, if you’re sure.”

He shook his head with a smirk. “Kitten,” he cooed. “M’not gonna be upset if y’want t’study...if it’ll help y’relax and—”

“I just really don’t want you to think I’m lame,” she hurried looking away as she interrupted him.

He frowned. “M’not being a very good boyfriend if y’think m’gonna say you’re lame for wanting t’do well and get good grades,” he tugged her backpack over the back of the couch and settled it in front of her. “I don’t know why y’think m’not going t’like y’suddenly,” he pouted.

She took a deep breath, closed her eyes, and bit her lip. “I know you like me because I’m me, but I’ve never had the best self-esteem and I know that’s not good in itself, but I do pride myself as a really hard worker. I want to do well and get good grades, but I know it’s not...” she sighed and put a hand on her forehead. “I’m not making sense,” the frustration evident in her voice.

“Kitten,” Harry’s voice was so gentle but in one word he sounded so encouraging as well. It was like magic. “I want you t’do whatever makes y’happiest; whatever makes you the most successful. M’supporting you fully. One hundred percent,” he shrugged, grabbing his own backpack and pulling out a folder of papers. “If that means we are studying for a bit, then I want t’study.”

She was lucky she didn’t shout that she loved him from the top of her lungs right then.

*

At some point, her worksheets were set aside. The pizza was gone, her wine glass and a second one drained. The fire crackled in the background while Harry kissed her so deeply, she felt it in every cell of her skin. Part of her wanted to run outside and lay in the snow just to cool off how warm she felt from having Harry’s hands all over her body, under her shirt, in her pants.

Harry’s hands slid just an inch lower. “Kitten,” he hummed. He wasn’t trying anything it was just the way his hands shifted. The memory of that afternoon. Studying for physics. It wasn’t the same, not even a little. She felt so safe with Harry and yet her brain wouldn’t turn off. The way he touched her the last few months felt different than the way he touched her then.

She ripped away from him, falling to the floor beside the couch. Before he could utter a syllable or help her back up to the sofa, she choked out a gasp of surprise. “I’m sorry!” she cried. “I can’t. I’m sorry. I just don’t think—” She had a hand on her chest and Harry thought she was hyperventilating. He felt so horrible.

“Kitten,” he cooed gently reaching for her. “I’m—”

“No! Please don’t apologize, it will just make me feel even worse!” She croaked and covered her face briefly pushing the tears to either side of her cheeks. “You didn’t do anything wrong. You have been so patient, so—” she swallowed. “I’m just so stupid and I feel so horrible. I want to, I want to so bad but I don’t—”

“Oh my God,” Harry whispered. His voice was filled with shock piecing together what she thought he was going to do or say. The poor, sweet thing. “Baby,” he reached for her again.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me!” She sobbed. “It’s so stupid—I’m so stupid!”

“Kitten,” he tried once more wishing she would stop insulting herself. It only made him feel more terrible. He couldn’t imagine how she felt. “My love, please stop,” he begged very gently and grabbed her arms as softly as possible but firmly, so she stopped moving.

“I’m sorry,” she sniffled. She was even beautiful when she cried. Harry couldn’t imagine his expression. It felt like a cross between a frown and sad smile. “I’m sorry,” she repeated.

“Please stop apologizing,” he brought his hands to her cheeks and pushed her tears away. “M’not mad or disappointed with anything,” he promised.

The silence was thundering loud. Eventually, when she uttered one syllable, her voice was so quiet he almost missed it. “No?”

It felt like she punched him right in the stomach. A single word question that broke his heart. “Of course not, kitten.”

She swallowed, swiped her tears away. “Oh,” she whispered. “Then... what—”

“I was going to tell you I love you,” he smiled at her. “A lot, really. ’Ve told y’before. ‘Ve never felt this way ‘bout someone the way I feel ‘bout you. I’ve been waiting for you for...” he shook his head. “Years. The second I bumped into you. I jus’ knew. M’so in love with you. It’s been very hard t’keep it t’myself all this time. M’sorry y’thought this weekend was something t’pressure you—kitten,” he stopped abruptly, looked her in the eyes and held her gaze so she would understand the sincerity of his next words. “We could never have sex a day in our life, and I would continue t’love you as much as I did the day I met you.”

Her jaw trembled like it did on the ride in that freezing truck parked outside. “You love me?” She whispered.

“Of course I do, kitten. What’s not to love?”

I made us have homework time on a weekend getaway, I don’t like drinking from red solo cups, I’ve never been drunk in my life, I haven’t had sex with you. But she kept all these thoughts to herself. “You really love me?” She repeated.

His smile was still sad, but he chuckled ever so lightly. “Yes, baby. I love you very much.”

“I love you too,” she whispered.

His face melted into a lazy smile. “Yeah?” He asked, completely awestruck. She nodded quickly, feeling at a loss for words. The fast beating of her heart made her woozy. “You’re sure? Not jus’ saying that because y’feel bad or... I know y’said you’ve never been in love before—”

“I’m very sure,” she promised. “I think I’ve loved you since you showed me where my class was,” she looked at him nervously. Like he would somehow take it back for how she fell in love so quickly after hardly knowing him. Instead, his already gentle gaze softened even more, and he kissed her softly, his lips brushing so gently against hers. It made her mouth tingle with wanting more but she wasn’t sure she could breathe properly to tell him that. They had kissed a lot in those three months but somehow this one made her unsure—as if he suddenly made her forget how to kiss. When he pulled away, she felt an ache in her chest like she wasn’t close enough to Harry. “Again,” she whispered. He smiled and slotted his mouth back between hers kissing her, almost harder, deeper. He pulled away carefully, cupping the back of her neck. “Again,” her voice was sure, but she looked flushed, nervous.

“Kitten,” he whispered, his face a little disapproving.

“I want to,” she promised.

“Kitten,” he repeated, stronger this time. Allie had texted him the previous night and all it said was Delete this after reading: you BETTER be good to her, or I will rip your throat out without an ounce of remorse. At the time he had wondered what prompted such an aggressive message. Things with Allie had been good. He felt he had her trust after all she knew about his past relationships. Maybe that was why she felt so at ease to send him the threat. In a way he was kind of grateful for it. Like a final note that she accepted him.

Of course, Allie.

Have a great weekend 😇

He laughed at the time, the duality of her best friend’s messages. But the previous one was gone, deleted and part of him wished he could show someone (not that he would) only because it made him smile.

All of it made sense now and he was not smiling. She shook her head, shame filling her entire body and promptly appearing all over her features. “I promise, I’ll stop if I don’t want to,” she swore. “Do you not want to?”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” he whispered so softly she barely noticed the curse in his phrase—like he had whispered I love you again. “Of course I want you, kitten,” he promised. “But we don’t have to. M’happy t’do whatever y’want for the rest of our lives,” he vowed. “Y’told me y’wanted a relationship. I told you I waited a really long time for you,” he reminded her. “M’not worried about any progression in our relationship except making sure you’re comfortable,” he promised. “You,” he held her face between his hands. Like she was made of something rarer and more fragile than glass. It made her stomach flip, her heart hammered in her chest, and she felt so adored in that moment, it felt indescribable. “You are perfect,” he murmured. “Completely. Just want t’keep y’warm,” he smiled.

There were a hundred reasons she didn’t feel good enough for Harry. But he was warm and safe. Regardless of what anyone had to say about him. “Harry?” She asked.

“Yes, kitten?”

“Have you ever... brought anyone here?”

“Only when I drive Mitch and Sarah.”

“So this is a first?” Her voice was stronger.

Harry felt his face contort into a smile of total admiration for her. “Yes. S’a first, love.”

“Okay.”

“Okay what, kitten?”

She shook her head. “Nothing, just... thinking about how much I love you,” she promised. “It’s a lot,” she admitted. “Kind of weird I’ve dreamed and dreamed about love and after so many years without it while all my friends fell in love... It’s...freeing.”

Harry sighed, wishing he could fully articulate how much adoration he had for her. “M’never letting you go,” he murmured, kissed her, and kissed her, and kissed her,

And kissed her,

And kissed her.

*

She was wrong about the sun. It was warm in the chilly bedroom. They were dressed again, but her body was entwined with Harry’s closely. It wasn’t normal to sleep like this, but she wanted to be close. Probably closer than she was with the clothes in the way. But a winter cabin, even with heat and a fireplace, was simply too chilly.

Plus, the sun streaming through the windows seemed to be magnified, warming the bed and sheets that Harry had the pair of them snuggled under. His finger drew imaginary lines up and down her back over her shirt. He kissed her forehead and sighed. “Good morning, love,” he murmured against her hairline. “Want some French toast?” He asked. She nodded. “Y’feel okay?” He wondered. She nodded again. “Tired?”  A third nod, but a more decided one. He kissed the top of her head again. “Y’want t’stay here?” She shook her head this time.

“No m’awake.”

“Y’sound awake,” he teased.

She sighed and rolled onto her back creating a rift of coolness to spread over him. He frowned, wishing he hadn’t teased her at all as this wasn’t preferable at all. “Do we have plans for today?”

He shrugged. “Had some ideas. But no. We can do nothing all weekend if y’want,” he promised.

Turning back to him, her smile was lazy, warm, and beautiful. “We better get started then.”

“Oh?” He smirked.

“Mmm,” she flung the covers back and reached back for him with an outstretched hand.

“Hey, kitten?”

“Yes’m?”

“I love you.”

Her shy grin was enough to make him thaw in the chilly cabin. His heart leapt to his throat while he watched her drop the outstretched hand. Instead, she crawled back across the bed so she could kiss him sweetly. “I love you, too,” she whispered. Finally, they meandered out of bed and she gazed out the window over the coating of freshly fallen snow. Not quite thick as a blanket, but beautifully undisturbed in the same way. “Do you think I’ll need a thicker coat while we’re out?” She asked looking at the battle of the clouds hiding the sun now and again. Harry walked up behind her after fixing up the fireplace for the morning.

He pecked her cheek, thinking about how she told him he had never been in love before. He wondered if he had ever been in love before her. “If y’don’t, I’ll keep y’warm.”

--

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[growing-yet-into-magic]

Hi do you have any recs from where to buy affordable tools, like essential oils , crystals and other necessary stuff (for witchcraft ofc)

Ah, cheapery. My third favorite hobby, beside spending money on things.

Firstly:

Essential oils are NOT necessary for witchcraft. They are medicine, have the potential to damage you severely (both immediately and in long-term damage), and are NOT better and more effective than just using the herbs they are manufactured from. You shouldn't be thinking about essential oils or considering them for your toolkit without herbalism education from a reputable school or licensed herbalist and paper research about each herb you use under your belt.

Moving on.

No physical item in witchcraft is essential. You could go into your kitchen cabinet and begin bespelling your home without paying anything. People like owning things, because sparklies are fun and we're all magpies at heart, but neither crystals nor tools are necessary to the craft- and some argue that they're not even backed by research into historic traditions and what ancient practitioners might have used. A lot of the tools people think are "essential" are specific to Wicca or introduced via the new age movement, which was only...what, 70 years ago now? There are certain paths which require certain tools, and religions and folk religions that require certain things to function, but unless you are in one and getting instructions from your teacher/mentor/godparent, you're not required to buy anything. We're Anti-capital here. Money is the enemy and dirt is our friend.

So, that being said, a few recommendations:

The thrift shop. Want an athame? Bell? Candle stand? Spoon? Find a pretty silver thing and consecrate it. Nothing in life has to be new when it gets to you, as long as you cleanse it well.

Your local kids museum will have cheap crystals at discount prices. The natural history museum told me then genuinely sell them by weight. You can't guarantee their ethical background that way (a lot of cheap rocks are mined with enslaved labor), but you can get your rocks.

If you can get to a rock and crystal show, rarer and harder to find crystals go cheap in there, but you do have to pay a flat fee to enter so it's kind of a financial wash in the end. It's fun though. They sell empanadas at my closest one.

Your local supermarket. Unless you're using bulk herbs by the bucket, which seems wasteful, you can usually get herbs and pre-packed larger quantities of herbs from the spice section in your supermarket. And this way they're guaranteed to be food grade and safe to consume or bathe with, which is never a guarantee when you pick something up from the metaphysical shop.

eBay and other secondhand sites. People leave the craft all the time, and hawk their stuff for cheap. A little Dr. Bronner's, a little sacred perfume or incense, and she's good as new.

Indian and other Asian grocery stores. When I'm down and in some trouble, I know they have my back. Thank you for carrying incense on the shelf when I needed you the most. And having bulk rice.

Local swap. Networking is everything! Sometimes local covens will host events where people get together to sell off old things or swap stuff. Good times to find a pre-loved tarot deck or altar cloth.

Your hands! *grabby hand gesture* Some stuff you can make. I have an old sewing machine, and I love her to death; I make storage pockets and altar cloths with her. I crochet altar cloths. Some people make their own candles. I know someone who learned glass-making to make their own altar pieces. Some hobbies are more expensive than others, but a crochet hook is like $3 and yarn can be like $4. Bam. Altar mat.

Speaking of candles, I forgot to mention the dollar tree and other discount stores have cheap candles: some even have the tall glass pillars you need if you're in one of the ATR diasporic traditions.

Quite frankly, my best investment in witchcraft tools I ever made was watching my mother buy an antique silver serving spoon, which I occasionally filch from her drawer and return after it's done it's job. Borrowing things from your family costs nothing.

I'm sure this wasn't what you had in mind, but (and not to be a weird adult who has a poor relationship with the internet here), sometimes you have to go out there and physically touch things before you find what's right for you. Find a thrift store. A secondhand shop. A goodwill. Browse. What could you use this in? What spells can you piggyback off of this thing you found? What use does this have in your craft? Try not to build your craft off of your tools; build your toolkit to support what you want to do with your craft. That way you won't have wasted time and money on a fun thing people said was essential to have! ...but now you never use this selenite wand you spent $30 on because you found out wands don't have a place in your practice. Blech.

Best of luck hunting! 💜✨

#growing-yet #witchblr #baby witch #beginning witch #witchcraft on a budget #budget witchcraft

[yannisrandomstuff]

OK OK I HAVE RETURNED

Could I get some angst for toon gabriel, we know HES HOT and he's nice. So other people would want him, what would happen if he's getting flirted with in public when he is s/o isn't around, and when they come back they see that ans the other person is being really touchy with him, and IT JUST LOOKS REALLY BAD AND WRONG, and his s/o angrily leaves, what would happen?? I WANT HIS COMFROT!!

I love angst 😔

Note:flirting , angst , fluff

Misunderstanding

You and Angel Gabriel goes out to buy groceries. Both of you are having a conversation about what's tonight's dinner and both of you agree that he'll cook, then he'd be the one grabbing the stuff that he'll use for ingredients, you always like him cook since some of the food he makes are delicious.

The two of you have already finished getting the stuff and is now on the line to pay, then you remembered something very important.

"Uhm gabe I gotta go grab something we forgot I'll be back in a minute okay?"

"Of course dear I won't go anywhere but hurry alright?"

And that you left

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After 5 mins you finally find Mini Brie Wheels

"Damn this is hard to find I better hurry back now gabes waiting he doesn't have a wallet with him" You thought to yourself. Thankfully it isn't our turn yet but something caught your eye that makes your heart hurt, a teenage girl who seems no older than 19 have been flirting around AngelGabriel and He seems unaffected by what is happening around him, he seems to be enjoying it, you walked towards them with an annoyed face, Angel Gabriel noticed that you are coming so he called you "ahem. What's going on here?" You asked "Oh is this your partner?" You rolled your eyes "yes they're my partner" Angel Gabriel stated happily "I see~ well then I'll take my leave now Mr. Gabriel nice chatting you, see you next time" Then the girl left

Angel Gabriel looked at you smiling " so there's a next time huh?" You said irritation visible to your voice, he now have a confused look at his face "I don't want to see her next time dear, I'm not even comfortable with her talking to me like that," You handed him your wallet "here take this I will be waiting in the car.." "I- uh alright please be careful" he sound really worried.

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you get inside the car and pause for a sec, angry tears coming out at the thought of your boyfriend cheating on you, no that's impossible he wouldn't do that but I still have my doubts you just silently stare at the window and notice him going back to the car along with the groceries. You open the door for him and help him place the groceries in the back seat without talking or having eye contact to him "Dear? Are you well?"

"..." "....if this is about earlier I promise it is a misunderstanding you've got it all wrong" "explain why you're smiling while she clings on to you like a sloth" "I'm uncomfortable when she did that and ithought it would be quite rude to just glare at her, but I did told them that I am already taken and wishes them to go away but they are persistent." He let out a heavy sigh and place his hand to his significant other's face " Look at me my dearest" You obeyed him make eye contact with him " you're the only person I will only love in this world alright?, no one can change that. Please remember that." He then hugged you close "shall we go now?, wipe those tears in your face I don't want you to cry and I promise that it will never happen again. I'm sorry I love you" "I love you too I just don't want to lose you, yknow"

"Hahahah I don't want to lose you too, now let's get going so that the vegetables won't rot" and that both of you buckled your seat belt and you drive back home

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Yes angel gabe does not know how to drive

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SCHOOL IS COMING TF OUR 1 WEEK BREAK IS OVER😭😭😭

Sorry this took so long it will probably be the same with the other requests

I had to search on Google to find "what's the most hardest things to find in a grocery store" since I can't think of anything BWHAHAHAHHA

#the mandela catalogue x reader #the mandela catalogue #headcanons #xreader #the mandela catalogue archangel gabriel #tmc #tmc toonbriel #fluff #comfort #mandela County

[slutforstabbings-archive]

I saw you’re taking requests 😊 could you do Corey planning a romantic evening in—candles and roses all over the place, romantic music, a nice dinner and then a movie after—the whole spiel. Hope that helps the fluff funk! Good luck with writing by the way, don’t push yourself too hard! ❤️

Ummm, I only know how to push myself too hard but thank you for you concern lol. I really enjoyed writing this, it definitely helped me get more comfortable with fluff! I think this is gonna find its way into my long fic I'm working on. Thank you sm for the request, I hope you like it <3

LoveSong

Corey Cunningham x gn!Reader

1754 words

taglist: @rebel-blue @nachtmahr666

Corey parks his motorcycle on a side street instead of his usual spot by the door and lets himself into your apartment with the key you gave him. It feels weird, he’s never been in here without you before. But you wouldn’t have given him a key if he wasn’t allowed to come and go as he pleased. He’s been planning this for a week, going back and forth with himself if it was too corny or not. He struggles to close the door, his hands are so full of all the stuff he needs to make tonight perfect. 

He goes to the kitchen and spreads all his supplies on the island. Two bouquets of roses, one to tear apart for the petals, a bottle of wine that he hopes is good for as much as he paid for it, a salad kit, a frozen lasagna from the take and bake section of the fancy grocery store, a big long loaf of Italian bread, a pack of tea lights, a carton of raspberry sorbet, a real vase so you can stop putting the flowers he gets you in containers you fished out of the recycling. 

Your oven groans like it’s haunted as it preheats. Corey darts around your kitchen, starting and stopping different tasks, feeling scattered. He places the wine and the sorbet in the freezer. He fills the vase with water and dissolves the plant food, but forgets to put the flowers in it. He grabs a small bowl from the cupboard then abandons it on the counter. He pulls all the petals off a single rose, then remembers a story you told him. 

“One time a roommate I had put a bottle of wine in the freezer and forgot about. I guess because hard liquor doesn’t freeze she thought it would be okay but wine is way too low in alcohol content for that. It expanded when it froze and the fucking bottle exploded on me when I opened the freezer. Scared the shit out of me.” You laughed and shook your head. “Our freezer was sticky and full of broken glass the rest of the time we lived there.” 

Fuck! Fuck fuck fuck. He opens the freezer apprehensively, squeezing his eyes closed in case of projectiles. The wine is still liquid and the bottle is intact. Close call. He breathes deeply and tries to organize his thoughts. One thing at a time. The oven chimes. Lasagna first, then. He reads the instructions a third time and notices something new. TIP: it says next to a little drawing of a lightbulb. Place a cookie sheet under the lasagna pan to catch any sauce or cheese that bubbles over. He finds a cookie sheet and slides the lasagna onto it and into the oven.

The rest of the preparations go more smoothly. He follows a recipe he bookmarked last night to make garlic bread. He finds a giant mixing bowl and fills it with ice for the wine, like how fancy restaurants always do it in the movies. He does his best to clean off your dining table. Usually when the two of you sit here to eat, you just shove all the shit that accumulates over the week to the side. But you know what’s on the table and Corey doesn’t, so he awkwardly stacks things instead, placing the piles all at one end so there’s room for the spread he envisions. Then he smooths one of your kitchen towels flat on the table and sets the lasagna in the middle. He brings the salad and the garlic bread into he dining room and tries multiple placements to see what looks best. He feels so out of his depth but he’s determined to do a good job. He Googles table setting diagrams and does the best he can with your mismatched thrift store dishes. 

He���s doing the last few steps, sprinkling rose petals in a path from your front door to the dining room with one hand, and scrolling through all the playlists you’ve made him with the other when he hears your car crunch the gravel outside. Corey sprints to the dining room, slipping on his sock feet and gut checking himself on one of the dining chairs. Wincing, he hides where you won’t see him from the door, and presses play on a song just as you unlock the door. 

______________________________________________________________

As you stand at your front door preparing to insert your key into the lock, you hear a thump and then a very faint groan come from inside. What the fuck was that? You unlock the as door as noisily as possible and swing it open very slowly. The last thing you want is to surprise an intruder. You peak inside hesitantly. It smells good. Why does it smell good? Just as you start to fear something way freakier than a simple robbery, you notice the song playing over your speakers. 

Whenever I’m alone with you… You make me feel like I am whole again. Wasn’t Corey just saying he was glad you introduced him to The Cure? You step inside and finally see the rose petals scattering the floor and the warm glow of candle light coming from the dining room. That cheesy motherfucker, you think as butterflies fill your stomach. You smile and bite your lip in spite of yourself. 

“Where are you, you big sap?” You call out.

“Follow the petals!” He shouts back.

You follow the petal trail into the dining room and see him standing at the head of the dining table, beaming above all his hard work. Your mouth hangs open in shock as you take in all the details. More rose petals surround the table, on top of which you see a dozen roses in a gorgeous crystal vase, a delicious looking dinner and -

“Are those proper two course place settings?” You laugh.

“They’re my attempt,” Corey says sheepishly. 

You come around the table and grab his face in your hands. “This is so…” You trail off, opting to kiss him instead of finishing your thought. It conveys what you mean much more eloquently anyway. When you release him he pulls a chair out for you. 

“Thank you, sir,” you say. His face instantly turns bright red and he clears his throat.  

Corey piles salad on your plate and pours you a glass of wine. The two of you eat and try to talk through your giggles. You knew he had a romantic side, but this is really something else. Somehow you feel even more giddy than when you first met him, even more like a silly middle schooler writing Mrs. Corey Cunningham all over your notebook. You watch his every movement. Could it be possible he’s becoming even more of a babe? Or is it just because you love him?

God, that’s a scary thought. You’ve been suppressing it violently every time you have it. It just seems so fast, you’ve only been “official” for a month. But trying to shove it down the past few days has made you feel like a cartoon character on a sinking ship, plugging holes with every finger and every toe just for more to appear and the water to keep rising. He smiles at you, all long teeth and crinkled eyes, and the boat capsizes. You love him, you love him, you love him. And now that you admit it to yourself, you have to admit it to him too. 

Before you can say anything, he stands.

“Are you ready for dessert?” Corey asks

“There’s dessert?” 

“Of course,” he says like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “Stay here.” He stacks all the dinner dishes onto the cookie sheet and takes it to the kitchen. You idly wonder if he’s ever had a job as a bus boy. You try to guess what dessert is by the sounds you hear him making in the kitchen. Something refrigerated, or maybe frozen. That doesn’t narrow it down very much. 

He returns with a bowl heaped with scoops of something the color of blood, two spoons sticking out. He sets it on the table and scoots his chair closer to yours before sitting down. You take a hesitant bite. Raspberry. It’s delicious. You devour the bowl together without speaking, just watching each other. 

“Corey…” You finally break the silence. “This was really special.” 

“It’s nothing.” He shrugs.

“It’s a lot more than nothing. You put a lot of hard work into this and it was really cool. No one I’ve dated has ever gone out of their way for me like that before.”  In the short time you’ve known him, he’s done more for you than your ex did for your entire three years together. He looks at you like you’re God. He cares if you cum. He listens. 

“How is that possible?” He asks. You snort at the question.

“I thought that was just how it was.” You say, shaking your head. “Corey I… I love you.”

Before you realize what’s happening he’s out of his chair, pulling you up from yours into a tight embrace, pressing you against him like he wants to fuse your bodies together. You squeeze him back and you can’t fight the goofy smile you break into. 

“I love you,” he says back, voice strangled with emotion. He releases you just enough that he can look at your face. “I’ll never treat you bad. I’ll never hurt you. I’ll never walk away from you.” You look into his eyes. He looks so intense in the candle light, lit almost like the villain in a black and white movie. To your own astonishment you believe him.

“I have one more thing planned,” he says after a long pause. He leads you to the living room. You sit on the couch. Corey turns on the tv and connects his phone. You see the name of the movie he’s casting and laugh.

“The Lobster?” You say, incredulous.

“You said it was your favorite romcom,” he says. 

“That was a joke,” you say, face scrunched to keep yourself from dissolving into a giggle fit. “I do really like the movie but it’s a dark comedy. It’s not a date movie, unless you’re on a fucked up date.”

“You’re on a date with me,” he says. 

“Point taken,” you say, amused and surprised at his self deprecating joke. You pat the couch next to you. He puts his arm around you as he sits down and presses play.

#corey cunningham #corey cunningham x reader #corey cunningham x gender neutral reader #fan fiction #mine #ask

[pbandjesse]

I pushed myself ridiculously hard today. And my back hurts so bad that I have a pillow behind me propping myself up while I'm laying on my side because when I remove the pillow it hurts so bad.

But I really enjoy today and while I was incredibly stressed out thinking about today and ended up being great. And now I'm just stressed out thinking about tomorrow and I know that just means tomorrow also be great probably. It was a really nice day despite the weather.

When I woke up this morning it was pouring outside. I let myself sleep in and woke up around 9:00 and stayed in bed for a long time. I needed to get up and feed sweet tea though and he was being so naughty biting my ankles and my calves. But I felt pretty good and sleeping in honestly make me feel a lot better after how exhausted I had been yesterday.

I also felt really cute today. My hair was doing really nice thing and my makeup was good. I'm trying to wear eyeshadow again to try to fix the issue I'm having with my eyeliner sticking to my eyelid. And it seemed to work. So that's good.

I didn't really know what to do for breakfast. Didn't want cook anything. Once I got all the curtains open and fed sweet pea I looked in the fridge and I found that I had half an omelet from the other day so I want that up. It didn't taste incredible but it was food. And I knew that I was going to take myself to Five guys after my workshop. I had the whole day planned out. I sat at the kitchen island with sweet pea. I had my omelette and a couple little donuts. Which I shared with sweet pea. And I double checked my materials I needed to bring. I had to cut a couple blocks in half because I wanted them to be smaller for the group. Which ended up being incredibly small. The group I mean. But that was fine I was just glad anybody came at all.

I left here around 10:30. I didn't have to be over at the armory until 11:30 but I wanted to stop at Michael's and get more black ink. I was not going to have that issue again because that made me so angry and embarrassed. So I wanted to make sure I have something better. I even had a 30% off coupon.

I poured myself two drinks. A lemonade and a soda and got my umbrella and headed out into the rain. And it was raining very hard. And when I got to the car I realized I left my lemonade and my soda in the house. I had grabbed all my other stuff and forgot those. So I had to go all the way back inside. But it was fine. I was in a really good mood.

I got over to the Michaels and was annoyed that they didn't have any black ink or any actual printmaking ink in the pots I normally buy it. They only have skin printing ink which I've already run into the issue of that not working But they did have a four pack of black yellow and blue block printing ink and I felt like it was too expensive but with my coupon it made it more reasonable at least and I stopped to look at the clearance real quick but then I went to pay and headed out back into the weather. It's all self checkout at the Michaels now but one of the workers still checked on me and she was really nice. I really interacted with a lot of very kind people today and that made me happy.

I was less than a half an hour away from the armory and my GPS said I was going to get there at 11:11 with the rain. And that is basically exactly what happened. The drive was terrible I could hardly see it times. But there was almost no one on the road because I think they were all afraid because it was so bad. Like roads were flooding and I was getting Gail warnings on my phone. But I got over to the armory and that's when my stress started. Because the gate was locked.

I drove past the armory itself and went down the street to the grocery store to wait in the parking lot until I heard from Michael who is my contact. I looked through my email and sent him an email letting him know that I was down the street and then I found his phone number and texted him. Turns out he lives 2 hours away! And he was just stuck in traffic so it was fine. He said when he got there a few minutes before I drove over someone's bumper was stuck in the fence. Like they had driven into it. I didn't see that so it must have happened in the last couple minutes between when I got there and he did. Crazy.

But the workshop ended up being great. He brought his little dog again and she's very sweet. And while I only had two people they were awesome. They were both named Tony. It's probably t o n i. They were sisters and the older sister was a little older than me and the younger sister was probably like 13. And they were so funny. They both have different names but they both go by the nickname Toni. And they were just so nice. I had set up and started a print so that I could be at different steps and show them everything and going off of my experience on Thursday I had like a pretty good system for explaining everything and I think I did a really good job. And both of them were so nice and the two hours went by so quickly we were just having a great time talking about different projects and work and she might contact me to come in with her church which is in the neighborhood that I live in and work with some of the teenage girls there which I think would be lovely and it was just a really nice time. And they kept saying like this was so cool and this was such a good experience. And It was really cool to just introduce them to something that they've never done before. And I explained different ways that they could do it at home because they were both a little intimidated by the idea and I was like well these are some ways that you can do it with stuff that you might already have and some home DIY stuff. And it was great.

While they were working we were talking and I had brought my one book of men illustrations as a reference guide and while I was standing there and they were working I was looking at the book and I'll back it said that there was other versions like one of women I was like oh I should obviously buy that. So I went on eBay and found it for $10 with free shipping. And then I was like hey wait a second on the book itself it said it should be $4 but that was in 1980. Inflation. I'm excited to have the set though. And maybe eventually get the other ones. They apparently have children and animals and food and items. It's a really good reference guide so it would be nice to have more options for when I do these classes.

Once we were finished and I made sure they had my contact information I cleaned everything up and Michael came back with Quinn and I let him know that at one point Gwen was in there playing with a Christmas ornament and she had eaten part of it. But he doesn't think she actually ingested it. I really hope that that's the case because I would feel terrible. I had taken it away from her as soon as I noticed that she was chewing on it. And he said that the rain had stopped. We were very deep into the building where there was no windows so we weren't aware. But I was very glad to go out into the world and it not be pouring as horribly as it had been.

I said goodbye to Michael and let him know that I was available for more stuff and to just let me know and I was even down for helping with their camp again that I had helped before and I didn't mind the very long drive. And he was like whoa that's awesome. So I really hope he does reach out.

And then I had the rest of my day. The armory is right by the Goodwill. And when I went over there I had some amazing finds. I got a pair of ugg driving slippers that are basically new. If I was buying them new I probably would have sized up one but they do fit me very well. I just tend to wear things that are too big for me. And I found a little shelf for $8. And a really cute blue cloth for the top of it. And it's all scratched on top so the cloth covers up the imperfections. So I was doing great. Though it was hard to carry the shelf around the store.

Once I paid I drove a little farther down the street to go to Five guys. And I have a really nice lunch while I worked through the podcast episodes that I apparently had slept through? I thought I was caught up on my show but I started listening to the new episode I'm like I have no idea what's going on. And the breaker whiskey episodes are only like 5 minutes apiece so it wasn't like it was a huge deal to go backwards but I was very confused. I'm going to try to listen to those on a weekly basis because they come out every day but listening to 5 minute chunks is not fun for me. I want at least a half an hour. I do still really recommend that show though. It's very good.

I have texted Meril earlier to ask if my package was delivered because I got an email notification that it was. And she said yes and I was like I'm going to come and get it. So once I was done my lunch I drove out to the museum to say hi to everybody.

And that was great. The sun was basically out by then and I didn't realize that it was the egg drop project at the museum today so it was very busy in there. But it was the end of it so everyone was leaving. But I got to see Jessica and Jesse and Ashley. And I got my package and I did a little unboxing for project at the museum today so it was very busy in there. But it was the end of it so everyone was leaving. But I got to see Jessica and Jesse and Ashley. And I got my package and I did a little unboxing for Meril and Meghan. And it was a lot of my stuff that I had thought for our upcoming trip like the airplane seat foot rest and then stuffable neck pillow and a new tag for our luggage and it was just very silly just opening everything and showing them all the stuff. Especially because I got a whole bunch of fake hair products. Like fake hair that you wear in a ponytail. And they were like why? But my idea is that I'm going to try to figure out how to wear them so they can use them for different looks for the wedding. I haven't 100% figured out what that means yet but we're working on it.

I hung out there for a while just chatting with everybody and catching up. And a little after 3:30 I said goodbye. And decided that before I went home I would drive over to the shopping center and walk around the Five below.

The sun was really out by then and I didn't realize it was going to be so I didn't have my sunglasses and I was kind of dying so I let myself buy some trendy shaped frames from the Five below. And I got nail polish but I ended up hating the color when I got home. Like it's just looked terrible on my fingers. But it's fine. It was worth a shot. And it was $2 so not the worst thing.

I left the Five below and I drove home. I got stuck in a bunch of traffic around the inner harbor. But it was whatever. And when I got home I brought everything inside and went through all of the packages inside my larger package that I have picked up and took all the packaging off of them. And I just use the word packaging so many times. And put everything away. And then went to figure out how I was going to set up the little shelf. And I had a whole plan and ended up working really really well. My original spot I didn't like so I thought about moving one of the two wooden chests that we have over there since the one just has cleaning products in it and I switched out all the cleaning products so that I could put them in the basement with all the other cleaning stuff. And then I moved one of the boxes up to James's room. And then the little shelf fit perfectly and honestly I love how it looks there. And once I was done that I jumped into the next big project of the day. Which was James's room.

I have sent James a drawing the other day about how I thought the layout of the furniture could work better. And they agreed with me and I was not being supervised and so I was very excited to start moving some furniture around.

I was in there for hours. I hung a shelf and I moved a whole bunch of stuff and I just tried to optimize the space. I had a podcast going about creepypastas and was just really enjoying myself. But I also really wanted the couch to be in there. I got the dresser moved and the bookshelf with the plants moved.

Which by the way was a disaster. It started falling apart and one of the plants got knocked over and the things shattered and then I realized it was root bound and I was texting James and I felt so bad and I was trying to move everything and then it just collapsed on me. Thankfully I'd gotten off all the other breakable stuff before that happened but it was very upsetting. But after I did all that I realized how much space was in there now and it would just be so nice for James to have seating in there especially when they have like friends over. And just having flax seeding in your space is so nice. And so I went to try to move the sofa.

Which I don't know if you remember but I got stuck on the stairwell last time I tried to move it by myself. And when me and James had moved it James said that it was just not going to make it on the hallway but I hate being told no. So I wanted to figure it out to surprise them.

But it did not fit. I tried squishing it I tried everything but it was just about 5 in too wide to go down our hallway. So I took a saw to the legs.

I saw the legs off and this was no easy feat. Because I had to make sure it was even. I made the sofa 27 in wide. Which fit down our hallway and at the narrowest point of the doors it was 28 in. So I had to take the doors off because with the doors on it was 25 in. And I've never taken a door off before so that was a whole exciting thing and I have not tried to put them back on yet because I think you need two people for it. So I took off the doors of the little room and of James's room and over-ended the sofa down the hall and I got it in the office. I was very proud of myself but man wasn't ridiculous.

Once I got it in the room I was kind of exhausted but I had torn up James's whole room and I wasn't going to leave it like that. So I took a moment and got a drink and came back and started figuring out how to reattach the legs. This was not easy. And I should probably go back in and add more supports but I drilled the legs on an angle and I put a very long screw in it and then on the one side I used hinges that I had and I put the hinges the wrong direction so that they will act as a brace and it's ugly but it worked. I will definitely have to figure out a more long-term solution at some point but I sat on it for a while and I wiggled around and it seems pretty secure. So baller. I'm the best.

I really can't wait to show my parents everything that we've done in the house for better or for worse. I text my mom some dates the other day and if she is reading this I hope that she answers me and tells me what date will work the best for them. Because I would really like to show them everything.

And once I got the sofa set up I moved a bunch of stuff onto the sofa so that I could continue to work on putting things away best I could. I finally had enough space to vacuum up the dirt from when I knocked over the plants. And I looked at James's closet which they had said was two full to put anything in and I was like James there's barely anything in here you just don't have it laid out well so I took everything out of the closet and I realized that if I took out the wire rack that was in there when we moved I could fit the bookcase that had fallen on me in there and so I drug that back down the hallway and reassembled it and hopefully it is more secure now. And I made sure there's no breakable stuff on it this time because it is too fragile for that. And I just started putting stuff away. I did realize that there's a dead space on the wall that I think James would benefit from having some shelves there and then they can put some other knickknacks up there and open up some more space. But it was looking really good and I went through a couple of the bags of clothes that they have and then it turns out those were donation stuff. I was texting James basically this whole time. And filling the minimum what was going on. So I wasn't doing anything without their permission and they were excited that I was getting so much accomplished and I was feeling so good about getting so much accomplished. Even though I was exhausting myself.

I would finish up as much as I could do around 9:00. And that's what I realized I hadn't eaten since two and I was dying. All of a sudden I was wheezing and shaking and it was horrible. And the quickest thing I could make was the one minute Tikka masala And I toasted a pita and opened it up and filled it with the Tikka masala and just try to eat that as quickly as possible because I was shaking so hard. But I have that and then I had a little bowl of cereal and I felt a lot better.

I was texting Jess and telling her about my ridiculous evening and she was telling me that she was watching a movie and we were both wheezing apparently. Just having a time.

And then I would go and take a shower. And while I was in the shower I freaked myself out and thought I heard someone in the house but it was just the dishwasher. I came out in Sweet pea was being so cute so I knew that since he's not freaked out I don't need to be freaked out. And now we are in bed together. And I am very much ready to go to sleep. I'm going to go take some allergy medication and go to bed.

I have another full day tomorrow. I'm meeting Meghan in the morning for brunch and then I'm subbing at art with a heart. And then I don't know what I'll do after that. Maybe I'll take a nap. But I just hope that the stress that I'm feeling right now is meaningless because I know everything will be great. It's going to be a good day and I hope you all have a lovely evening. Sleep well everybody. Until next time.

[kits-ships]

4, 9, + 10 for aziraphale + crowley to answer !!

hi anon i cant remember which ask game this was from so im gonna assume it was the useless info one :3 thank u so much and sorry for bein silly!!

4.) what’s your second favorite memory of seraphina?

My second favorite? What an interesting question. It's hard to rank moments like that when you've been around for six millennia, but I am rather fond of the time we had matching, white dresses and went bar-hopping. It was quite unusual for us, but Seraphina wasn't very familiar with different varieties of wine and I felt entitled to help! Afterwards, I lost one of my shoes to a storm drain and Seraphina managed to get her lipstick all over my shoulder when she fell asleep at the fifth bar. We were lucky to find our ways home that night!

Sera's rabbit ate through my shoe the first night I slept over. He'd been stomping the whole time we were in the living room and I'd been making fun of him for being jealous. I guess he understood me, though, because he really did a number on them. When I went to leave and found them all chewed-up, Sera immediately burst into tears and began to apologize over and over. She didn't really remember the whole 'miracle' thing, I guess. Anyways, the shoes are fine, now, and Moo still hates me. Woe is me.

9.) what’s their beige flag?

A beige flag? One moment, please.

Uh. I'm gonna go with the fact that, when she randomly remembers things, she bolts upright and makes a little noise that scares the living hell out of me. It's like her brain is getting a notification. We could be asleep at 4am and she'll jump up, squeak and begin to shake me like she didn't just make me fear for my immortal life. Sometimes it's stuff from her life as an angel, and sometimes its something she forgot at the grocery store.

Okay, I'm back! And I believe I understand, now.

Seraphina has the ability to fall asleep at anytime and anywhere. At the till of her shop? She's sleeping next to the register. Waiting in like at the market? I have to make sure she doesn't drop everything when she begins to nod-off. It's not really in her control, but it's quite interesting, nonetheless. I could probably tell her that the world was ending and she would sleep through it all. Hm. We may be used to facing the end of the world, though.

10.) assign seraphina a song based on what you think an amv of your guys’ relationship would have playing in it.

Can we get some questions that I don't have to explain to Aziraphale? I didn't even know what an AMV was.

Don't be rude!

Fine. Okay. Somebody to Love, then. That's easy enough, yeah?

Oh, but you'd have to pick an ABBA song! They're her favorite! Something like Our Last Summer would work quite well, I believe. Seraphina would enjoy that.

You two and your ABBA.

Earth Angel, then?

I think we're too predictable, Angel.

#kit's questions! #hoy shut #ac; as sure as god made black and white

[yourlocalqreator]

💕🌹Pink Roses🌹💕

Song Inspo: The moon and back by JVKE

Paring: Simon “Ghost” Riley X Hailey “Rose” Quinn (OC)

For this For valentines day, Ghost puts roses for Rose in her locker after he yells at her.

Warning: FLUFF, During school, LIL ANGST

AN: YES I DID IT And Happy Valentines Day to all of you

“GOSH ROSIE WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING ANNOYING” Simon yells at Hailey. Rose, Who was just in front of Ghost and soap started to fucking cry He never acted like this in her experience. “Oh Shit Rose I didn't-” Simon then said, begging Rose to forgive her.

“Simon, please don't” She cried as she ran back to her room, tears streaming down her cheeks.

. “Gosh Simon look what you did,” Soap said “Johnny Please I didn't mean to go that harsh,” Simon said “Simon, Ghost, Riley”

Captain Price overheard the argument.

“You have an explanation to wander on what the hell happened,” he asked.

Simon then sighed “She started to annoy me and I just became harsh and just yelled at her I never knew she was sensitive, I'm sorry” Ghost Apologized “Well we forgive you but you need to apologize to her and not us,” Soap said. “I Know” All three boys were thinking until the ghost looked at his phone.

February, Tuesday,14

2023

“Isn’t today Valentine's day?” asked Simon to turn his phone off and putting it in his pocket. He never wanted to celebrate Valentine's cause it was just a normal day for him but something in his mind called him.

“Oh yea I forgot, what about it?” asked Soap “Oh yeah, I'll tell you what, we buy some gifts for her and put it in her locker,” Soap thinks. “Oh my god yes we can do that,” Price said. “Oh Yeah that sounds cool”

Ghost knew she would love it but he was guilty that he would lose her just for yelling about how annoying she is. His head was filled with regret about what he said. “Fuck” Simon thought as he then was thinking about adding the present, just then ghost then prove got an idea “Simon buys the gifts while Soap, Gaz, and I try to cheer her up how does that sound?” asked price.

As they all nodded. Although Simon never really lived the romantic spirit of Valentine's he just wanted to make her feel better and to see her smile.

. “Simon good luck buddy” Price said as Simon nodded and went outside.

“Now, We just need to get her to talk to us,” Gaz said as he looked at Rose's room. They walked to the door and Soap started to knock. “What do you want?” she asked in her room she just lay there. “Hailey, It's me Soap, Captain Price wants to talk to you,” He said.

Then the door opened and Hailey looked normal but a little shakey. “Hailey, You're not in trouble, Simon is out getting Gifts for the whole team but the three of us just want to cheer you up” Soap smiled as Hailey looked confused “Look, Ghost is sorry for being too harsh on you okay, he was just having a rough night about stuff okay?”

Price assured her She never said anything. All she had on her face was a frown. “Ghost is going to be back soon okay Rose?” Gaz asked as she nodded “I'll tell you a funny story Rose just to cheer you up”

Kyle said, walking in front of Hailey. “One time I had a hard time on my basic training, I slipped through the mud outside and got my pants all because of a roach on the other hand. “Oh yeah, I remember,” Soap said. Hailey then started to smile a little. “Well, a cookie here we made you smile” She was a little confused about what soap said as she was clustered by his cringe. “Well, what now?” Asked rose.

Meanwhile, Simon Riley is outside. He was in a flower shop looking for roses.

There it was

He saw the pink roses knowing pink was Hailey’s favorite color. He picked it up and then he paid for the flowers and went to the grocery store.

Once we went in there were a lot of Valentine's treats.

He walked up to the aisles and started to grab the heart of chocolate and candy. He then grabbed a Big fluffy bear. saying

LOVE in pink colorful letters

He went to the cashier. And went out.

When Simon went back Soap went to him.

“You got the stuff Ghost?” Asked Soap

“I do Johnny,” Simon said

Soap has a sharpie. “Okay, all write our names on the card okay?” He said as all the boys nodded.

It passed From Simon, Then To Soap, then to Price, and lastly to Gaz then ghost wrote something before closing the card and stuffing it between the heart and bear. “Well, I hope this works” Price sighed as he gave the stuff to Simon as walked to her locker. “What's the locker code?” Asked him. “Well here” Johnny moved him away as he moved the knob.

06.02.09

“And Wabam” Soap started to arrange the gifts In her locker, even the big pink roses before closing the locker door. “Hey Hailey, Simon needs to talk to you” Soap yelled. “Coming”

She answered as she opened the door and saw Simon and Johnny at the door. “What's going on?” Hailey asked “Hailey, Can you open your locker, Simon said you stole his guises” she looked confused

“When did I-”

“Just open it”

“Okay okay I will-” She opened it and then she saw the presents. She was so confused as she looked at the valentines. She grabbed the chocolates and the teddy bear, She was starting to get happy. “Aww thank you, but who sent me-” She looked at the card and sees simons name. “S..Simon?” She started to blush to look at him “Happy Valentine's day Hailey, Rose Quinn” Simon chuckled. “Is this like a surprise and an apology?” She asked as he nodded Hailey began to feel happy and started to jump and hug him so tight. Simon put arms all over her.

“I Love You, Rosie”

“I love you too dummy”

She smiled

Idk why I'm doing this but @onlycodcanjudgeme

BONOUS

#i wanna make more #But I have school #I wanna draw it like a comic but motovation #I might make more ​of these two #theqreator #ocs #cod #call of duty #simon riley x reader #hailey rose quinn #ghost x rose

[gwydionmisha]

Personal: 9/3AM

Saturday we wore ourselves out with necessary errands. I needed algae wafers for the plecoes and some special girl food to tide Livia over. They had her shreds but not her kibbles there. (As I bought the last two bags of kibbles at the local last month, she likely has about a month of kibbles left, but with today I think the bird flu may have fucked the cat food supply and for Livia, the choice is a small number of turkey dominant limited ingredient foods or going back on the even more expensive prescription stuff. There are three more places I could try left, but gas is low and two of them are further out and one is super expensive.

All this is made worse by Livia having what is likely a psychiatric crisis, but could be early signs that her renal system may be failing again. Let us hope it's psychiatric, because that won't kill her and I think she's doing a little better tonight. There have been a lot of visitors and schedule disruptions, plus me being sick. That's a lot of stress for a cat who super extra is bad at change and gets stressed easily. Her urine remains normal, but her high anxiety behaviors aren't that different from the behaviors the time she almost died when she was a little over a year old, so I worry. She was eating almost normally tonight, so I'm still in the likely stress camp. fingers crossed

Anyway, OTC was right next to the way too hot pet supply store. I somehow miscalculated the tax again and also forgot surgical masks, of which I have nearly run out. @$&#!

The good cheap ethical grocery is right there, so I used the motor cart because most of me wasn't working well at this point. Inevitably, I forgot some things, but there were tiny oranges on sale and I have partially restocked some essentials.

My nails are doing almost okay for the first time in ages, so Goth Millennial painted them a subtly sparkly purple for me, just in time for social stuff with some of the Millennials.

I'm still not really caught up from all the spring car repairs. I am already seeing way more things I can't not buy like gas, litter, and probably kibbles and we are moving into the super expensive part of the year (September-January), where I have a bunch of extra things I can't not do like the oil/radiator thing my car now needs every six months, tabs, housing tax, Gothmas season). I had such high hopes when the COLA went up in January, but between the car and the extra electrical costs… yeah.

I'm not drowning. Not yet. It's been two straight years of everything breaking. I could sure use a year of nothing breaking. This was the first summer since the start of the pandemic I didn't need surgery in the summer. Let's hope the car and apartment follow suit.

#Personal #Nails #Cats

[ciarashoggoth]

A Report! From Inside The Walls of Mallmart

I think I made my peace with the course of events that have led me here. Yes, there was a power outage. Yes, I did in fact do terribly stupid stuff in the hopes of getting online attention, and yes we did all collectively share a mass hallucination about what happened in that store. That's the only explanation. Taylor has taken it upon herself to try and find actual evidence that she can hold onto of the strange happenings within our store, and to be honest I'm a little surprised because I thought for sure she'd agree with my mass hallucination theory. 

In a horrific turn of events, Aiden, who up to this point I've had a somewhat hot and cold friendship with, had gotten into a car accident when leaving Mallmart later that day. He was T-boned by another vehicle the same size as his own car, causing his own car to be flipped upside down at the intersection he attempted to cross. Mercifully, Aiden had walked away with three cuts in his left shoulder, and bruising on his forearms and shins when he braced himself for impact. "Got three days off thanks to this. I'm gonna be resting good!" Was what he had said, shortly after the crash. Police had taken statements from both parties involved, and Aiden's car had been totaled, leaving him without a way to drive to and from work. The other driver involved in the crash also walked away relatively unharmed, however I do not know who this person is.

Walking through the Mallmart this morning, I could see someone on the scissor lift, slowly descending into the heavens. I can only imagine they are here to fix the skylights but, to my chagrin, they were in the intersection of Groceries and Chemicals, not Health and Beauty. It makes me wonder, what issues are they working on in our grocery department? I didn't have time to dwell on these lingering questions, as I headed into the back break room and sat down, eagerly hoping to get a glimpse of Taylor, Aiden, andybody. "There's my favorite worker!" Larry grinned. Oh, right. I forgot one thing to mention. I may have lied and said that I was the one to call emergency services, when management came sniffing around. Everyone knew I was lying. All the associates know, that Taylor has in fact been the one to make the call. Everyone loves Taylor though- 

The associates, management, all the customers in a single disembodied voice.

So when I said I had been the one to call, it gave me a bit of recognition. Which you would think would make me happy, and I am- grateful I mean. I just wish I wasn't known for being a Mallmart employee. "Hello Taylor, how are you?"

"I'm here, aren't I?" I felt like I'd been punched in the gut. She's fed up with me, how could she not? "Are you okay?" I ask, voice rising an octave at the flatness in her tone. She was monotone, yes. But I was spiraling. "I'm okay."

"I'm sorry I'm so awkward… I'm just not the best at speaking." Her facial expressions softened. "I don't think you're awkward," she said, "I don't think you're awkward at all."

"Do you know how Aiden is?"

"He's a bit sore, but he's okay." From here, we fall into an awkward silence, her anxiously staring around the room, and me feeling incredibly out of place.  

I found myself thinking about it the entire time I worked that morning. The inflections in her otherwise wonderfully predictable monotone voice. The intensity there. Mercifully, she wasn't sent out to the sales floor where the other day's events had taken place. Instead she stayed in the back rooms, scanning stock to be sent out to the main floors. Even with this in mind, I found myself thinking about her. I found myself wondering if she was thinking about what happened at this very moment, while scanning products. 

"Taylor, you've been spacing out for the last ten minutes." Taylor sat at the table, not eating her lunch. "How are you not affected by all of this?" She asks, a tremor of slowly building rage in her voice. "What we saw- that isn't something that's possible, Ciara! And yet you and I both saw it. We both saw that, and it can't be swept from my mind so easily! And the power outage, and the skylight… and nobody believes me outside of this store…." Her voice grew deathly quiet, tears budding in her eyes. "You care, don't you? Otherwise you wouldn't be looking at me like I cut you open and dissected you in front of everyone. Please, I can't be the only one who wants to get to the bottom of this. I can't do this alone." She was begging, pleading for something. 

"We'll work this out, I promise! I'll try to document everything….We can figure this out together, please don't be sad," 

At this, she just let out a shaky breath. "I'll write everything on my blog so we have it right on hand, okay? Everything is going to be fine-"

The paramedics came to our store. Rushing in with a bright orange gurney, they rushed into the backrooms of our store with grim determination on their faces. No one said what happened. I snapped a photo as they ran by, and glanced over at Taylor as we stood there in the break room doorway. She looked like she was going to be sick. "Taylor, wait! Where are you going?" 

"I need a breath of air," and with that, Taylor from Mallmart turned on her heel and exited the back rooms.

Taylor, luckily hadn't lost her experimental spirit though, because once lunch was over, she began testing how much I could carry. Perhaps she needed a distraction from everything going on around our little store in the middle of nowhere. Or perhaps this was punishment for being so blasè about life, death and Mallmart. I first noticed when she asked me to lift the 100lbs weight set to a cart to be brought out to our sport's department. "Whaaat? Is that a challenge, dear Taylor?" I smiled at her face, clear of both blemishes and emotions. Man, I wish I had a face like that. When it got up to some of the lawn and pool items, I noticed a bit of resistance, I grunted slightly, pushing canopy tarp sets up above my head onto the shelf as Taylor watched on intently. "One more thing, can you help me with this display of two lawn mowers?" I stared at the display. Sure enough, up on the third shelf was a display holding two lawn mowers on a platform, not unlike a pallet. Normally, I would've known better. Normally, there wouldn't have been a pretty, tattoo covered microbiology student staring at me with questioning green eyes. "Of course I can, one moment." I went up the ladder to find the lawn mowers were secured to the pallet, something I couldn't open without breaking the display. 'I'll just have to lift the whole thing,' I thought to myself. 'No biggie.' 

But it was, in fact, a biggie. It was very much so. I strained and grunted, attempting to get a good hold on something as I began to raise the display. My arms were shaking, and I grit my teeth tightly to stop from making noises. Taylor was watching after all. I could feel it in my chest, in my head that was now spinning, in my gut that felt impossibly sickly and tight. "Hrnk!"

I felt something hot spread against my crotch and reach back to the seat of my pants before making the climb down my pant legs. In a blind panic I attempted to set the display down, where it skidded from my arms and crashed back into place, leaving me dizzy as my… I don't know, experience? Ended. I shuddered, my breathing quickening toward some sort of meltdown because Taylor was right there in my peripheral vision, and she saw everything.

"Oh my god!" Taylor gasped. I could feel the tears threatening to come out but that would make the situation so much worse so instead I choked out a wet laugh. "That wasn't supposed to happen-" 

"You should get down, you look like you're going to pass out!" I complied because she wasn't wrong. I did feel like I was going to faint. So, I laid there in the aisle as Taylor grabbed my feet, holding up my legs. "This will help get blood flow moving back to your head." She explained as she awkwardly shifted her weight. We both knew she had an uncomfortably close view of the wet patch on my jeans. "I am so sorry, please don't hate me! I just got so caught up in seeing how much you could carry and it just started seeming more and more otherworldly-

I am such an asshole." She fretted, worrying her bottom lip between her teeth. She had a way of pulling at your heart strings, the way she anxiously pushed her round glasses up the bridge of her nose. "Taylor darling, I could never!" She glanced up from the spot on the floor she'd been focusing on, hesitant to meet my eyes. "You've been wonderful! Everyone at this store adores you- the other associates, management-"

"All the customers in a single disembodied voice," she finished for me, having heard this line before. "I'm not good with emotions. I wish I was better at this." 

"I'm not either."  

#daily report #horror #humor #Taylor from Mallmart

[nsk96]

Rant post. Ignore this, just purging the negative thoughts that are overwhelming me at the moment.

Having another breakdown, I really wished I lived alone right now. I start APPE rotations in a few months so that means I need to get all my onboarding paperwork and vaccination stuff done by February. There's so much to do right I can't seem to focus on just one thing, much less start on anything at all right now.

And then my mom telling me about the nasty crap my dad has been doing. I mean nasty unhygienic crap that is affecting our heaths. It was so triggering at the moment that all I could think about was "I'm probably also going to have to clean the shower before I shower again." Context: my dad doesn't wash well, and from the smell and condition of the bathtub when he'd done showering, I'm certain, he's not wiping after using the toilet either. Having to clean the bathtub every time before I shower is tiring it makes me hate showering. Not to mention the smell of the cleaner also bothers my airways. It's bad enough that I have to worry about my dad tampering with my soap, face cleanser and shampoo, that I have to carry every thing with me between the bathroom and my bedroom every time I shower as well. It all makes showering a time-consuming chore. Maybe that's a contributing reason for skipping showers these days. I have a handy dandy squirt bottle I use to clean up on skip days at least. Also, whoever invented wet wipes is the best.

Just thinking about how much I could have gotten done over the winter break had I lived alone though. The days I could have had to myself instead of driving my mom around to shop for groceries. I would have been able to clean up my room (my dad was home from work for much of the holiday so that delayed a lot because there was stuff I have to hide from him of course).

Then there was Christmas eve where my mom mopped this small stretch of tile and told us to be careful around it. No more than five minutes later, I forgot about it and came around with my plate of dinner in my hand and slipped and fell, hurting my back and leg, and straining my abdominal muscles. My food fell everywhere of course. Had I lived alone, it wouldn't have happened. But also, had I had the time to get an appointment with a psychiatrist, I probably would have been diagnosed by now, and wouldn't have forgotten such an important detail in the first place. There'd likely be no attention issues then...but to have the time to get an appointment, living alone would have been ideal as well. Study time is just better when you don't have to worry about other people. Out of sight, out of mind.

Living by myself, I would be able to have a clean room for once. I wouldn't have to sleep on a bed that I'm also storing a box of cookies on just because my dad "just might poison it". Or the whole 4-tier shelf of snacks I have in my room for the same reason, along with skincare and hair care products that should be stored in the bathroom but you know...he tampers with stuff to the point we start itching or our hair starts falling out. Don't get me started on the symptoms we get when he messes with the food.

My mom's defense for me not moving out is that it's not safe and that I should save money. 1) I'd be using loan money from school. I did the math and the added amount really doesn't make much of a difference when you look at the total I'll owe from between undergrad and pharmacy school. 2) Safe? She's worried about someone hurting me over there? Someone breaking in and hurting me? What about here at home? I have to constantly worry about if the food in the fridge is safe for me to eat. I don't feel safe in my own bedroom because she's always like "he goes into your room when you're in the shower", and now I gotta wonder if he finally managed plant a hidden camera in there. I already knows he likes to record random women on the street and send it to his nephew and make disgusting comments about them. I know he always wanted to record my mom in sexual ways. And he for sure knew what my brother was doing to me when I was 5 years old. At 18, my dad even tried to record me sucking suggestively on a lollipop (I didn't realize I was eating it weird. It was family movie night and I was distracted). I will never forget the night how furious he got when he found out I lock my bedroom door when I go to sleep. It haunts me. And now, my mom has to constantly remind me not to fall asleep on the chair in the living room when she's not out there because I have to worry about my dad r*ping me like he has her when she was asleep.

Over winter break, there was one instance I couldn't help it. We finished family movie night (in living room) and my mom was going into the shower. She made sure I was awake before walking away but I was so tired my eyes closed without me realizing. I was still conscious at least but only of my body and some sounds around me. I couldn't move or open my eyes. I felt myself drifting off but I was able to gain the strength to pull myself out of it. I hear my dad using the hand-held muscle massager to massage (but I didn't know what) and then I heard his footsteps getting closer. Maybe it was nothing but I opened my eyes a little and saw he had the massager by his crotch and he was walking towards me. At the same time, my mom came out to check up on me once more before going into the shower and when she showed up, my dad stopped walking and kinda jumped up like he was up to no good, I don't know if I was seeing correctly, but it was like he then quickly shifted the massager to the top of his thigh and told her that he had a leg cramp when she decided to ask him what's wrong. It was just so weird, I wasn't sure if I saw this whole situation correctly. He spent quite some time to work out the "cramp" on the exercise equipment so I don't know...maybe I was being paranoid. But that moment just keeps replaying in my mind and still feels so unsettling as much as it did that night.

Now I'm really worried about starting rotations. I'm not sure my mom plans on divorcing him any time soon. I told her she needs to start planning and that we can't be moving while I do residency. It's now or never. But honestly, it's probably too late for that because I'm way too busy for all that now. I got 4 quizzes due this week and 2 assignments, plus lectures to catch up on. And now onboarding to worry about. Last semester was the best time to initiate my plan, which was to get the apartment so we'd have a place to run to (because her plan was to leave him after I graduate pharmacy school) but she squandered it, quite possibly dooming the both of us.

The astrologer she recommended I get a reading from two years ago said that the people who think they know what's best for me will only bring me down to their level. He also said that I can't live with family because they will always be a source of grief for me. It's all true, and I probably didn't need an astrologer to tell me that, but it's kind of funny when someone outside of your family and life, who knows nothing about you, says it.

I feel it all just building up again, but I bet in a couple months when I have another emotional breakdown, my mom will once again think it came out of no where like she did the other times. And by emotional breakdown, I mean coming home crying and freaking out, avoiding her, avoiding all triggering conversation by either not talking or just walking away, and then she'll take it all personally again and make it about her feelings like she did last time.

#personal #tw sa #personal rant #tw sex assault #pharmacy school adventures #dad mention #mom mention #narcissistic parents #child abuse #tw poison #tw parental abuse #tw parent mention #tw parental issues #tw mom mention #tw dad mention

[raspberryconverse]

IDK why, but for some reason I decided to read my old Blogger blog and just read the tagged posts about the boy I dated when I was 21.

Oof.

I do see why that one person was team [him], even when I started blogging again on LiveJournal 2 years ago. He'll always be the one who got away.

Don't get me wrong, I am so fucking happy with my spouse. I honestly don't know if he hadn't left for grad school that we would have fared better. I just got to the point where we actually broke up (even though we were trying to make it work long distance) basically because his family didn't like me. I mean, they didn't dislike me, but they most certainly didn't want their son to marry me. And considering parents usually love me (my in-laws do, for sure), it was such a blow.

He actually described it as we were a good dating couple, but not a good courting couple. We're obviously not talking fundie-level courtship, but southern religious vibes for sure. His dad was a Methodist pastor (I used to say he was a WASM - white Anglo-Saxon Methodist as opposed to a WASP, though I guess Methodism is technically Protestant, but hell if this atheist knows how any of that shit works) and they were from the Atlanta suburbs, so it was a very different world from my Midwestern divorced agnostic upbringing. I mean, his sister wrote him a multi page letter expressing her disdain for us taking a nap together when I visited him at his parents' house whereas my mom let us take her bed when we visited my family one weekend. We came from very different worlds, that's for sure.

I actually forgot what kick started our relationship. We had met a month or 2 prior while volunteering at The Neo-Futurists. Oddly enough, I kinda got to know him one night after some event when he, my college best friend, my soon-to-be ex and I ended up at a table together (I've been trying to find the context, but I honestly don't remember other than it was something Neo-Futurist related) Then, a fellow volunteer called me because his car broke down and he couldn't make his volunteer shift and asked if I'd be willing to cover. So we ran into each other again. It was his first time volunteering for Too Much Light Makes The Baby Go Blind and afterwards, I made an offhand comment about being hungry and only having Easy Mac at home, so we went to IHOP.

A few weeks later was my 21st birthday. I had invited him to my birthday gathering, but he had to decline because he had to finish some stuff up at work. Then, he surprised me. After we left the bar, he suggested we get booze at the grocery store and drink at his place instead. My college best friend told me later that she was going to suggest going to another bar so she could basically pull a Stevie and leave so we could have a chance to connect.

Eventually, we need to go home, so he walked us to the el. Before I went though the turnstile, he hugged me goodbye.

And kissed me.

I think this is why I have to watch this part of "Grad Night" every night before I go to bed. It was my birthday and it wasn't supposed to end up this way. He wasn't supposed to be there. But then he was.

It will never not be magical. That moment of, "I'm feeling something here, so I'm just going to go for it."

It has literally been over a decade and a half (yes, I'm still being cryptic about exactly how old I am because this site makes me feel really fucking old sometimes) and I still get butterflies when I think of that night.

One thing that is kind of helpful when I get nostalgic is look at his Facebook and notice he did not age well. Shallow, I know, but aside from being so much heavier than I was then (it's actually pretty disgusting how disordered my eating/weight management was back then, especially when I would complain that I had gotten up to 140lbs and I'm at least 50lbs heavier than that now) and a few gray hairs (and I was dying my hair back then too so that's not really a thing), I look pretty much the same.

(obviously rounder face because I'm significantly heavier, but I don't think I've really aged that much)

And FWIW, I'm definitely happy with how my life turned out.

It's nothing like I thought it'd be, especially reading my old blog, but I don't think I'd have it any other way.

#is this what marriage is? #nostalgia #the one that got away #exes #moving on #college #schitt's creek #schitts creek #ep: grad night #tw weight

[halfmoondaze]

Hiding In Plain Sight

authors note: this would be the first part of a four part series. I hope you liked it

Trigger Warning: mentions of stalking

You were interrupted from playing Animal Crossing when you felt a pair of lips press into your temple. 

“You ready to go?” 

“Yea, just let me get my stuff” 

“Alright, I’ll meet you in the tour bus” 

“Ok” 

He kissed your lips before he left. 

You were currently on tour with Jack and you were enjoying every moment of it. However, today was his last show before you would have him all to yourself back home. You gathered all your things and head back to the tour bus. 

As you went inside, Jack was going through his fan mail. You sat beside him and took a look. 

Hey Jack My name is Karlie I love your music. You're such an inspiration for me. I'm from Louisville and If Im honest, I used to be not be very fond of my hometown, until I heard you talk about Louisville with so much love and appreciation. Now I feel proud of being from here. Thank you for everything you have done us. I love you

You read out loud.

“Wow, that was so sweet” he said with a smile on his face. 

“Wait, I think there was something attached” you said pulling out a beaded bracelet with his name on it.

“This is so cool, wait…did she made this herself?” 

“I don’t know let me see” you said going back to the letter. “Oh I forgot to read the last part” 

You flipped the page and read out loud:

p.s. here’s a bracelet I made myself. I hope you like it. Love you

“Damn, I’m going to wear this” he said it wasting no time in putting it on. 

You and Jack spent the next half hour going through his fan mail, until he stumbled to a particular letter that was actually addressed to you. 

“This one is for you”

“Me? Are you sure?” you said looking at the envelope. 

You had never received a letter before. In fact how did they even know you name? You and Jack were not public about your relationship. Sure people suspected he was seeing someone, as he made it clear in interviews that he was not single but he respected your privacy and make sure to not speak of you, not even giving away your name. 

Have a fabulous birthday (it was not your birthday) Y/N is such a pretty name

Jack stopped reading out loud as he read the last part. 

“What the fuck?” he said shocked. 

You took the letter from his hands and read the last part. 

A few days ago, I carved your name in my arm with scissors letter by letter I though you should know that

You stared into nothingness in shock. 

Jack put his arm around you. 

“Hey, everything’s going to be ok. I’m going to hire security so you don’t have to worry about anything. I’ll make sure the police knows about this so they look into it” 

He reassured you, but you were still uneasy. 

Its been two weeks since you received the letter. You stayed at home as you were terrified of going out of fear that your stalker could find your address and attempt something. 

Jack was there for you throughout the whole time. He wasn’t going to lie to himself, he was terrified, and he couldn’t begin to imagine how you must be feeling at this moment. 

Jack wasn’t going to take any chances when it comes to Y/N. He made sure to hire security to patrol outside their home. Additionally, he hired a security staff to sit outside their home.

On the other hand, your anxiety was at a all-time high as you were now experiencing severe panic attacks, scared of having an encounter with your stalker. It got to the point where if you would hear a trash bag rustle, you would flinch and panic. 

“Babe I’m going to the studio” Jack said as he sat on the bed. 

You had stop scrolling through your phone and look up at him and smiled. “Ok”

“Call me if anything happens. I love you” he said kissing the top of your head before leaving the room.

“Wait”

He quickly turned around and went back to your shared room. 

“We are running out of milk and eggs, so I thought I could go to the grocery store later in the afternoon” 

“Sure, I’ll let Nathan (one of your bodyguards) know” 

It was lovely to be able to go out for once. Even though it was such a mundane task, you enjoyed yourself going though the aisles and taking your time with it. So much that for at least a few hours you forgot about the whole thing. 

But that didn’t last long because as soon as you arrived back home, you found another letter. This time it was attached to the windshield of the back of your car, which you were able to notice when you got to the back to unpack your grocery bags. 

You immediately called Jack and texted him a picture od the envelope attached to the windshield. 

In less than 15 minutes, he went back home. Meanwhile your bodyguard alerted the cops. 

I saw you on the snack aisle I noticed you stocked up on various chocolate bars I wonder which one is your favorite of them all Mine is Hershey's chocolate bar  I wanted to approach you and introduce myself but I was overcome by shyness Anyways, I hope you have a wonderful day We should meet sometime in person

The officer read the letter out loud upon your request. A chill went down your spine at the thought of your stalker being so close in proximity to you.

Attached to the letter were tickets from a play you never heard before.

The police took the tickets and the letter to inspect it for fingerprints in hopes to capture your stalker. 

Jack felt helpless and didn't know how to fix this situation; and seeing how this affected you broke his heart.

#jack harlow imagines #jack harlow #jack harlow x reader #jack harlow x you #jack harlow x y/n #jack harlow one shot #jack harlow fluff #jack harlow blurb #jack harlow concepts #jackman thomas harlow #jack harlow angst #jack harlow fanfic #Jack harlow fic #harlow jack #jack x you #jack harlow imagine #jack harlow fic #jackharlow #bf!jack #fanfiction #writerblr #writing #writers on tumblr

[kpop---scenarios]

Cravings || One

Pairing: Vampire! Hongjoong x Reader

Warning: None Yet

Word Count: 3.1k

A/N: If you would like to be tagged, let me know!

"Babe, hey babe." Your boyfriend, Chad calls out to you, as you're sitting at the kitchen table, running over over bills again and trying to figure out how the fuck you're going to try to pay everything. You worked damn hard, and barely had anything to show for it. Ever since Chad had moved in a few months ago, without an invitation, you were stressed. Everything had gone up and doubled since he hadn't left, and he also hadn't contributed anything financially towards the household. You paid for rent, utilities, groceries and you even paid when the two of you went out for dinner. Chad worked full time, but where his money was going, you had no fucking idea. He constantly went out with his 'boys' , often coming home obliterated, and just expecting you to have your legs spread open for him when he rolled in, apparently that was your duty as his girlfriend, according to him. As if not contributing and acting like a man child was such a turn on. Not to mention the countless hours he spent on your gaming console, yelling and talking to his friends, leaving you no time to play any games that you like, unless you wanted to wake up a few hours before you had to work to sneak on it. But by the time you got home from work, cleaned up the messes he made throughout the day, made yourself dinner, showered and got into your PJ'S, you were too damn tired to do anything. You knew you had to wake up the next day and do it all over again, so any sleep you got was precious. 

A part of you often wondered why you were in this relationship with him. Maybe you were scared to be alone, maybe you didn't think you could do any better than him, but you stuck with him, because for some reason, you loved the guy. 

"What do you want, Chad?" You sigh, walking into the living room where he's sprawled out on the couch, headset on and his match paused. "I'm trying to figure out bills, you know that thing that keeps us warm, and with light and hot water, that you said you'd help pay and haven't." 

"Yeah, babe, can you go to the corner store and get those Takis, you know the ones I like? The not so spicy ones though babe, cause remember I have acid reflux, and a diet coke." He says, turning back to the screen, laughing at something said through his head phones. 

You could feel the rage building up inside of you, awfully quick, and it was seeping out of you even quicker.

"Are you going to pay for said snacks?" You ask, trying to keep your voice calm. 

"What?" He laughs. "Babe, no, come on. I'm broke. I don't get paid again for two weeks. You know this." 

"You just got paid yesterday." You breathe through gritted teeth. "Where the hell did all your money go?" You ask, your hands balled into fists. 

"You know babe, I had the fantasy football league entry, plus I owed Kyle money for the keg bomber last weekend, and I took the boys out for supper yesterday. Shit adds up." He says, never looking at you, only focusing on the game. 

"And that's my problem, why exactly? Why is it always on me just because you're not financially stable. Grow up, you're 35 for christ sakes!" You yell. You stomp to the kitchen, grabbing your purse and slipping on your shoes before heading back into the living room. 

"Yeah, she's got her shoes and purse." He laughs. "She's definitely going to get my stuff." 

"You know what Chad? I'm definitely not going to get your snacks, get your own fucking snacks, Chaaad. I'm going for a drink, with my own goddamn money." You spit, storming out of the house. 

You're wandering down the street, like you had been for the last thirty five minutes, and finally you found somewhere that looked decent enough. You walk in, and the lights are on very low, the place is almost dark, had it not been for the red lights swinging above tables, or the string of red lights wrapping around the ceiling. Your eyes wander the open floor of seating as a soft beat vibrates through the building. Every person in here who was sitting with someone was leaning closely to that person, seemingly having an intense conversation. The vibes felt dark and eerie, but you welcomed it, you enjoyed it instead of being around Chad's fuck boy mentality. You walk towards the bar, sliding onto one of the empty bar stools and setting your purse on your lap. Your eyes were looking down when you felt a presence standing in front of you. You look up and see quite possibly the most beautiful man you have ever seen. 

"What can I get for you?" He asks, his voice is deep, yet so smooth and calming.

"Double vodka and coke please, and for the love of god, keep them coming." You sigh. After your comment you see the slightest hint of a smile appear on his lips, disappearing even quicker than it came. 

"Bad day?" He asks, beginning to pour your drink. 

"Bad relationship." You groan. He nods his head as he slides your drink towards you. 

"Wanna talk about it?" He asks, leaning on the bar with his chin resting on his hands as he waits for you to speak. You look into his eyes, and they're so warm and mesmerizing, you felt safe and secure, like you could tell him anything. Which is exactly what you did.

"What's your name?" You ask. 

"Hongjoong." He replies. "You?" 

"Y/N." 

"Okay Y/N, what's bothering you?" 

"My boyfriend, we've been together for just over a year, and well.. he's something, and not the good something like people usually say. He moved in with me, without even asking me if I wanted to, and I just kind of accepted it. He doesn't pay anything, no bills, rent, groceries, nothing. It's all on me, even though he does work full time. He forgot my birthday, went out and got absolutely plastered with his 'boys'. On Valentine's Day, he took me out for dinner, and can you guess who was there?" You ask. 

"His boys?" He answered. 

"You sir, are correct. I was ignored the entire evening, and then he and his boys left, I ended up paying the bill, and I had to uber home because he had driven us there. Not to mention the fact that he assumes I'm just there for his pleasure, expecting me to be spread eagle for him whenever he decides to show up." You finish, chugging your drink as you try not to gag on the strong taste of vodka. 

"Why are you with him then? He doesn't sound like he contributes to the relationship at all, so why do you stay?" He asks. 

'Honestly, I'm not entirely sure." You answer as he slides another drink in front of you.

"Now that's a bullshit excuse." He replies. "There's a reason that you clearly don't want to admit." 

"Do you ever smile?" You ask him. 

"No." He answers. "Now, why won't you leave him?" 

"Because it's safe, I guess? I don't know if I can do any better than him." You shrug. 

"Y/N, you have no idea how much better you could do." He says. 

** 

From the moment Hongjoong had a whiff of the scent that was coming into his bar, he knew that it was the scent of the one. He intensely watched the door, waiting for the one it belonged too to walk through the door. As soon as you did, it was almost as though his heart could have started beating once again, the ice cold blood that ran through his body could have turned warm just by the sight of you. He isn't sure what it is about you, but he had always been told that he would know when he found the one, and having been alive for over a century, he had just assumed that it wasn't in the cards for him, and now he knows why. Because all his life he had been waiting for you. The person that he would do anything for, the person that he would be anything for had finally walked into his life, and for once he felt an ounce of hope, until, you had mentioned the filthy human you were in a relationship with, not to mention one that treated you like absolute garage, and you had assumed that no one better would love you, but shit were you ever wrong. He was standing right in front of you, and though you had just met him, he loved you with everything he had and would do anything and everything to protect you. 

**

"I appreciate your advice, Hongjoong, but it's getting late and I have to work tomorrow." You sigh. "How much do I owe you?" You ask, grabbing your card from your wallet. 

"It's on me." He tells you, grabbing your empty glass.

"Well thank you." You smile. "It was nice meeting you." You tell him as you slide off the stool. 

"You too." He says, watching you walk away from him. 

That night when you got home, you couldn't get Hongjoong off your mind, a smile spread across your face as you walked through your front door, and headed into the living room, then it instantly dropped. Chad had not moved from the spot you had previously left him in a few hours ago. "Oh, babe." He says, sucking the cheeto dust from his fingers. "Kyle brought me some snacks, since you threw a huge temper tantrum about my snacks, you can just venmo or cash app him, k?" He says, going back to playing his game. 

You went to bed that night, dreaming of one man, who was not your man. 

**

Over the next few weeks, you had absolutely no desire to be at home. So you headed to the bar that Hongjoong worked at, everyday after work for a drink, or two, or four. In those weeks the two of you spent an ample amount of time getting to know each other, you were sure he knew you better than Chad ever did.  You didn't want to see Chad, you didn't want to be near him and it was bad enough that he constantly texted you throughout the day, sending you lists of things to buy from the grocery store, as if he wasn't able to do it himself. But much to your surprise, he didn't text you when you never came home with his snacks, he didn't check in with you throughout the day, and honestly it no longer bothered you. 

You felt your feelings for Hongjoong deepen with every encounter the two of you had, every time you saw him it was like nothing you had ever felt with Chad, your emotions were amplified around Hongjoong and you weren't sure how much longer you could keep them hidden. 

"One more." You tell Hongjoong, as you set down your fourth glass. 

You can tell he wants to smile, but he's too good at controlling his emotions. "You've had enough, I'm cutting you off." He tells you. 

You pout, trying to give him your best puppy dog eyes, but absolutely nothing got to the man and it was frustrating as fuck. 

"A bad storm is coming, you should probably get home." He tells you, drying off some glasses. 

"I don't want to go home, he's there." You scoff, just thinking about Chad made you want to vomit. "I guess I could just get a motel room, at that place across the street." You say, pointing over to the run down motel, that had flickering lights, and probably a rat and cockroach infestation. 

"You will do no such thing." Hongjoong replies. "You can stay at my place." He says. "Give me a minute." He walks from around the bar, towards the back of the building, and you can't help but to turn in your stool and watch him walk away, damn he looks good. 

Within seconds he's back, grabbing your bag and scooping you up into his arms as he effortlessly carries you out the door. 

"I can walk." You object. 

"I know." He says, his face stone cold. 

"You're very pale." You tell him, as if he didn't know. 

"I know." He replies, unlocking the door to his car. 

"And you're very cold." You say. 

He sighs. "I know." He finishes as he slides you into the passenger seat of his car. 

As soon as he started his car, the rain began pouring as thunder and lightning jolted the sky. 

"You were right, there's a storm." You say, watching out your window. 

"I know." He replies, this time it sounded different. You turned to look at him, hoping you'd catch him smiling but no such luck. 

He continues driving, taking you out into the middle of nowhere, out of city limits, this was it, this was probably when you died. You panicked slightly but you felt it in your entire body that he was not going to murder you, at least not that night. 

Hongjoong pulls up to a gate, punching in a few numbers to open the gate, which just blocked off a winding road. You squinted as you tried to see where you were going but it was far too dark for you to see anything, until you pulled up to a beautiful mid-century mansion that made your mouth drop. It was absolutely stunning and you couldn't believe that he lived there. 

"Seriously? This is where you live?" You say. 

"MY family, but yeah." He answers, parking the car near the entrance. 

He hops out of his seat, walking towards your side to open the door for you, pulling you inside before you get too wet. He dragged you up a large flight of stairs, not letting you admire the inside of his house. He put you inside a large room, with a large bed and a bathroom ensuite. "There's towels if you want to shower, I'll be back in a bit to check on you." He says, avoiding all eye contact before walking out of the room. 

You let out a deep breath as you take off your heels, unbutton your pants and unhook your bra, placing it all next to the bed. You sit down on the bed in your underwear and t-shirt, wondering what to do, until your phone rings. 

Looking at the caller ID, you didn't want to answer it, but you felt it would be unfair for you to do so. 

"Hello?" You answer. 

"Hey babe, it's me.. it's Chad." He says. 

"I know who it is." You sigh. 

"Look.. I know you've been terrible, oh, wait, I mean I've been terrible in our relationship lately but I want to make almonds." He says. "No idiot, it's amends." You hear from the background. 

"Are you kidding me right now? Do you seriously have Brad over to help you?" You yell. 

"Well yeah, he noticed that we were drifting apart and offered to help me get you back." Chad explains. 

You get up off the bed, pacing on the hardwood floors as you tried to process what he just said to you. 

"The fact that you didn't even notice that we were drifting apart is all that I need to hear. You know what, Chad? I'm done. I'm done with this relationship, I'm done with you. Just get out of my apartment, I'm over it." You yell, hanging up the phone. 

You stand there, taking deep breaths as you replay the conversation you just had, he didn't even care enough to notice that you'd been pulling away. That kind of hurt, but then again it was Chad. He was never very perceptive. 

A knock at the door before it suddenly opens, reveals Hongjoong, walking into the room. He tried to play it cool with the fact that you were practically naked in front of it. 

"I heard yelling. You okay?" He asks as lightning strikes, causing the power to flicker. 

"Chad called, he had his friend Brad over to feed him lines because Brad noticed we were drifting apart." You explain. "But I did it. I ended things." You proudly admit. 

"Good for you." He says, staring at you, while you stare back at him. A crack of thunder hits loudly, making you jump, and within seconds Hongjoong's arms are wrapped around you, like he was protecting you. You look at him and he looks at you, and before you can tell yourself not to, your lips are pressed against him, and he is kissing you back. 

The kiss turns passionate and needy in seconds, both of your desires for one another coming out without any control. He moves you both to the bed, laying you down as he hovers over you, his strong arms keeping him above you. You wrap your arms and legs around him, pulling his body closer to yours, feeling him near was all you'd wanted. His ice cold fingers touch your stomach as he begins to lift your shirt up, you can feel his cock slowly becoming harder. You begin lifting his shirt, when his phone rings. He stands up, whispering an apology before answering his phone, barely speaking any words. 

"I'm so sorry, Y/N. I have some things to take care of." He says. 

"Oh, yeah, no problem." You say, sitting on the edge of the bed. 

"Get some sleep." He tells you before walking out of the bedroom door, leaving you alone once again. 

You tried to fight the exhaustion you felt, but it was far too hard. You got snuggled underneath the blankets, watching the door, hoping he would come back but your eyelids got too heavy for you to keep open, and you swiftly drifted off to sleep, finally feeling some peace. 

**

The warm sun was shining into the room, waking you up. You let out a little stretch before opening your eyes, only to see five men standing around you. You sit up, moving to the wall, as these men stare at you. You looked at them all, and they all looked similar to Hongjoong. Pale skin, dark eyes, dark head, blood red lips. 

"Who are you?" One of them asks. 

"Y/N." You whisper. 

Another one speaks up, looking at the other four men. "Who the fuck brought a human home?" 

#kpopscape #noonasinnetwork #ateez hongjoong #hongjoong #kim hongjoong #vampire hongjoong #ateez #vampire ateez #ateez imagines #ateez smut #hongjoong smut #kpop fanfic #kpop scenarios #kpop writing #kpop icons #kpop imagines #kpop smut

[libraryofloveletters]

Love Delivered To Your Doorstep

Evan Buckley x Reader

Warnings: fem!reader, mentions of cheating, break ups and killing/serial killers. (<in a joking context) 

Category: fluff for the most part. 

Word Count: 3.9k

Author’s Note: Doesn’t follow canon, it has a little of buck begins in there but it doesn't follow a strict timeline. It also is written like Buck moves to LA and has his apartment from the moment he moves there while trying to figure out what he wants to do. 

-----

Texting and calling was never your choice method of communication. 

Letters had always been more of your thing. 

Truthfully, they hadn't been your thing until your boyfriend moved halfway across the country for university. The two of you met in high school, freshman year and became inseparable since. Growing together and promising to always love each other no matter what -you always knew that couldn't be true but it never stopped you from telling him. 

When he told you that he was going to be applying to UCLA during your senior year of high school, it came as a bit of a shock to you. The plan was always going to college together, get engaged when you were done school and then married with a house by 30. 

You held out the hope of that being possible until the day he showed you his acceptance letter. 

You were incredibly proud of him but it was real now, he was leaving. 

You watched him pack up his entire life and uproot himself from New York and moved across the country. You sent the first letter to him at what was supposed to be his apartment. 

September 30th.

‘Hi baby! 

Just writing to see how you're settling in. How’s UCLA ? Have you gotten a chance to go around and get to see the place ? I know you’re there for school but you've got to live a little too. Hope your neighbours are sweet, your mom told me it’s a pretty nice place and it’s got a good view, sounds like your type of place. Hopefully I can come visit you soon. 

I started my classes last week. My chem professor is a pain in my ass already, he expects us to read an entire textbook in a week - well not exactly an entire textbook but you get the point. My biology professor is a sweetheart, she showed us pictures of her kids and talked about them for an hour, I didn't realize being a mother was so interesting but she was cool. Also showed us a video of an appendectomy that one of her colleagues performed last week. How are your classes and professors ? 

Did I mention I bumped into Sam at the grocery store ? Yeah, he’s back and he’s not fine to tell you the truth. He seemed like he was ready to snap but that might just be my judgment. He said to tell you hello if I spoke to you so- hello :) 

I’m going to sign off here, I know this one is short but I don’t have much to update you on. Life’s been pretty dull without you. Hope you’re having fun out there, soaking up the sun for me.

Write me back soon, I love you. 

Yours always, y/n’

You mailed the letter the next day, a few weeks had passed before you received a letter back. Except this letter had a different sender name but the same address.

October 22nd. 

‘Hi y/n,

This isn't your boyfriend. (I'm assuming that’s who you're writing too based on the context of the letter) I’m Evan, I live in the apartment you thought belonged to your boyfriend or maybe you got the address wrong, I’m not sure.  I know you were waiting for an update on all these exciting things that are happening at UCLA. I do not go to UCLA nor can I update you in anything exciting that’s happening there, sorry.

Anyways, the reason I'm writing you back is because I figured you’d want to know that this isn't the correct address and the person you were looking for isn't here before you send another letter and get no response. I was debating if I should have even written you back, but here I am, writing you back. 

Your professor for chem seems like an ass to be honest (hope that’s not rude) and your biology professor sounds great, is she hot by the way ? because bonus points for that. Anyways, are you studying medicine ? I'm guessing yes because of the classes you're taking. I'm thinking of signing up to become a first responder but I haven’t decided yet on what yet or if I'm actually going to do it. Anyways, good luck on your classes and the shitty chem professor. 

Hope you find your boyfriend (again, assuming) 

Peace out, 

Evan.’

To say you were shocked would be an understatement. How could the letter you sent to your boyfriend’s apartment belong to someone else ? Why was there someone else living in his apartment ? You dug through your apartment, searching for the paper he left you with the address, you finally found it buried in a drawer.

The address on the paper was identical to the one that Evan sent to you and to the one you sent prior to that. Either your boyfriend was lying or you were losing your mind. 

November 4th. 

‘Dear Evan, 

I'm sorry that I sent the first letter to you and as you guessed, I was looking for my boyfriend who seems to be a bit MIA right now. His mother says that’s the right address and the place that she helped him move into. So I'm not really sure what’s happening there. Anyways, sorry for unloading all of that on you. 

To answer your question, yes, I am studying medicine and no, she isn't hot. My bio professor is a 65 year old woman who loves her college aged kids very much. If that’s your definition of hot, then yes - she's got milf status

Have you decided yet if you’re going to sign up to be a first responder ? That’d be pretty cool. Imagine all the girls swoon over you and how many girls you’d pick up just for being a paramedic or a firefighter. 

Wait, are you into girls ? Or guys ? You know, whoever you're into, just imagine how many of them you’d pick up. 

Also, you’re not a murderer or anything right ? because I rather not answer questions when the police come asking about why I've been sending letters to a serial killer. 

Anyways, signing off for now. 

Yours always, y/n. 

ps. if you do end up bumping into or meeting a guy that looks like my boyfriend, (tall, brown hair, brown eyes. he’s got a pierced ear and a little butterfly tattoo by his collarbone- though not sure why or how you'd see his collarbone) let me know or tell him that his girlfriend is looking for him.

Double ps, what size shirt do you wear ?’

Buck laughed at your absurd question. A person he didn’t even know was asking what size shirt he wore. The letter was set on the coffee table with the rest of the mail, getting buried under all of the stuff he had on there. It was almost the end of December when he realized that he hadn't written you back yet. 

December 21st. 

‘Hey y/n, 

Sorry I've taken so long to get back to you. Things have been hectic over here. I’ve been doing some ‘soul-searching’ - I guess you could call it that and honestly, I don’t think if this whole first responders thing is for me. 

I tried out bartending or well, the technical term is mixologist and I’m liking it so far, I think i’m going to stick with it for now. 

How have you been ? How’s school ? Surely, you’re on break for the holidays right about now or at least when you get this letter. I hope that you're spending the break doing something fun. 

I’m not going to make this very long, I’m sure you’ve been busy with whatever you’re doing right now. 

Also, I’ve been meaning to ask. Have you located the mysteriously disappearing boyfriend yet ? I haven't seen anyone that fit your description. 

well, that’s not true- I did and just to be sure I asked to see his collarbone, he looked at me like I was a mad man so I guess it wasn't him ? 

Anyways, I hope you have a good holiday and you're probably gonna get this sometime between holidays, so merry belated (?) Christmas and happy New Years y/n. 

Peace out, 

Evan. 

ps. medium or large, depending on what it is. Hopefully that answers your question weirdo.’

January 13th. 

The morning of the 13th, he went down to check his mail. A box was there with his name on it, the return address was one he had only seen on an envelope. The box returned upstairs with him, setting it on the counter before opening it. 

Upon opening it, there was a letter and some colourful tissue paper with what seemed like a sweater under it. He opened the letter first.

‘Dear Evan, 

Happy New Years! How was your holiday going ? Did you do anything fun ? 

I’ve been good and school is good too, I'm almost done my first year, isn't that crazy ? Just a few more months to go. 

How’s your job as mr. mixologist going ? I'm sure you’ve met some wild people and heard some interesting stories. 

As for the boyfriend situation, that's over. I’m not surprised to tell you the truth but it still kinda sucks. Anyways, so what happened was that his older brother had come home from college last year and brought a friend with him. She went to the same school as his brother but transferred to UCLA- anyways long story short, they hooked up while he and I were still together and he moved in with her after his mom helped him move into the apartment I thought he had. 

But! I’m single and chilling now so it’s all good. (bonus, she cheated on him and left him so yeah) 

I got you a little something for Christmas and as a “sorry for unloading all my boyfriend drama on you” present. I was in the gift shop and it made me think of you. Do you celebrate Christmas? I forgot to check oops. If you don't, count it as a just a “sorry for unloading all my boyfriend drama on you” present? 

I got a large because I wasn't sure if it would fit. I hope you like it. That’s all for now.

Yours always, y/n.’

He unwrapped the tissue paper to see a blue sweater with the letters NYU on it. He smiled, he assumed that’s where you went. It was sweet that you took the time to get him something, even if it was a by the way thing. Not a lot of people would send something to a person they had been talking to via letters and halfway across the country. 

February 12th. 

2 days before Valentine's Day, your least favourite holiday of the year. You weren't looking forward to watching all your friends going on with their boyfriends and girlfriends. The mail had arrived while you were out, you picked it up and headed in. There were two envelopes with your name on it,  a plain white one and a red one. The red envelope was more squared than rectangular, you assumed it was a card- both had the same sender name. 

‘Hey y/n!

Thank you for the sweater, it was nice of you to think of me and get me something. I didn’t know we were doing gifts or I would have sent you something as well and yes, I do celebrate Christmas. 

My job as ‘mr. mixologist’ was going well until I quit. It just didn’t feel like the right fit for me you know ? I'm going to see what else is out there for me. 

Sorry to hear about your boyfriend, he seems like a douche. Who would cheat on you ? You seem great I mean at least you are on paper (did you get my joke, it’s hard to tell) 

Also, remember how I was thinking I might actually give that first responder thing a try? Imagine me as a firefighter, that’s pretty cool right ? 

So I kinda did a thing and signed up and then I got in. I started two weeks ago and it was kicking my ass at first but I've gotten a hang of it and things are going pretty well. There's three other Evans in my class so everyone calls me Buck-I kind of like it. 

The other envelope, hopefully you opened this one first, is a little something for you for valentines. Hope you like it. 

Peace out, 

Buck’ 

The red envelope was on your lap, you pulled the edges carefully not wanting to rip it. Inside was a plain white card with bright red letters that made you laugh. The cover read ‘I’m not sick of you yet!” Opening the card, a $20 fell onto your lap. There was a little message inside that went along with the cash. 

‘Since we aren't together and can’t spend valentines together, there’s some cash to get yourself a box of chocolates and a teddy bear. Happy Valentines Day y/n

Love, Buck.’ 

You smile, this was the first time that Buck had signed with ‘love, buck’ it had always been ‘peace out, buck.’ You tucked the card into the drawer, one you didn’t use very often so you knew it’d be safe there. 

*4 years later*

A few weeks had passed since Buck had last heard from y/n. His last letter to her was at the end of June, telling her all about the day he had spent at Hen and Karen’s. He always described every little detail so vividly that it made her feel like she was there with him- but it was now July, end of actually and moving into August. 

4 years had blown like nothing.

It felt like just yesterday he got the first letter in the mail. 4 years and they still had no idea what each other looked like but they knew every intricate and intimate detail about each other, their lives and the people in it. 

Y/n and Buck had grown rather close over the last few months- more than they already were. Y/n just went through a pretty shitty break up and Buck wasn't exactly big on relationships as of right now. 

He had just gotten home from work, his keys set on the counter when he realized that he forgot to check his mail. Stepping back out, there was a woman in the hallway and boxes scattered across her, leading into the apartment down the hall. 

She must be his new neighbour.

He wanted to go over and introduce himself but she was busy telling the movers where to set her couch so he decided that he would check the mail and then introduce himself when he returned so he did just that. 

Except, she was still busy. 

She leaned against the wall, watching the movers move what looked like a coffee table. She glanced up to see Buck walking by, she smiled and he returned the smile. 

Buck reaches his apartment, the mail in hand and steps in. He sorts through the pile, bills, ads, coupons and no letter from y/n. 

---

Your new apartment was a mess. You decided it was time for a change. You applied to a few hospitals after your break up and the one in LA hired you. So you dropped everything and moved- no family, no ties. 

A fresh start. 

It was a nice neighbourhood and the building was quiet. The neighbours you met were pleasant and welcoming. When you were having the furniture moved in, there was a blonde man who smiled at you and you assumed he lived in the unit down the hall because that’s where he stepped into. 

It was almost 11pm when you finally sat down. You had been on your feet all day and just wanted to eat something. The box with the dishes was beside the couch, you pulled the tape off and opened it. There was an envelope sitting on top of the stack of plates. 

Buck’s last letter to you. 

You must have tossed it into the boxes while packing and you forgot to write him back. Tumbling through the boxes, you find a sheet of paper and a pen from your bag. Sitting on the floor, the paper resting on an unopened box, you begin writing. 

‘Dear Buck, 

I’m sorry I've taken so long to get back to you. I quit my job, and uprooted my entire life. The break up sucked major ass as you know, so I decided it was time for a change. 

Guess where I decided to go ? 

Did you guess yet? 

No, not Canada, why would you guess Canada ? 

LA! 

Yeah, isn't that crazy that I ended up here of all places? Maybe we could get together one day (if you haven’t turned into a crazy serial killer that is.) 

Anyways, that’s why I've taken so long to write. I was packing when I got your letter and I tossed it in a box and just found it again. Anyways, I hope you’ve been good, how have things been at the station ? 

I promise I'll write again with more details soon, I just have to get settled in first. 

Yours always, y/n.’ 

Folding the paper, you slipped into an envelope. The address being scribbled into the back of the envelope. You were about to seal it when the building number caught your eye. 

It was the same number as the place you moved into. The same address, the building number, the same floor. 

The unit number was the only difference. 

There was no way you moved into the building that Buck lived in. 

You knew the address felt familiar when you saw the listing but you didn’t think anything of it nor did it occur to you that you knew the address. 

Stepping out of your apartment, looking at the number on the room and back down at the envelope in your hand. Buck’s apartment was down the hall. 

Part of you just wanted to mail it and keep things as it was but another part of you wanted to meet him, to see what he was really like in person. So there you were walking down the hallway at a quarter past 11 in the dead of the night to meet a man you had been sending letters to for the last 4 years. 

The end of the hallway, you stared at the black wooden door in front of you. Your brain weighing the options right now: he’s a sweetheart and welcoming and makes you feel comfortable or he’s a weird guy who’s been lying to you this whole time and you told him everything about you and now he’s going to kill you. 

Before you could register what you were doing, you knocked on the door. 

Glancing down at yourself, you were wearing a pair of old shorts and a t-shirt from high school that you found in a drawer while packing. Not an ideal outfit, maybe he’s sleeping and you can go home and change- the door opened, a man wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt stood there. He looked like he had just woken up. 

“Sorry, did I wake you?” 

“It's alright,” he yawned, his hand covering his mouth as he blinked away a few tears. “What can I do for you ?” he leaned against the door. 

“Um, this is an odd question-” you shifted, glancing down at the envelope in your hand. “Are you Buck ?” 

“I am, who are you ?” 

“Y/n.” 

You had never seen a man wake up that fast, he seemed surprised, confused and concerned all in one. “How- uh, are you- What ?” he mumbled. 

“I found your letter in the box after I moved, I moved into the apartment down the hall” you point to your left, Buck sticks his head out of the doorway and looks at the door you were pointing to. You were the woman in the hallway that he saw earlier, he knew you looked familiar. 

“I just wrote your letter and I noticed that the addresses were the same, just a different unit number so I decided to come check. Sorry if I bothered you, we can talk another day- it’s late and you probably have work” “Would you like to come in?” he opens the door a bit more, looking to you for an answer. 

“Um, okay sure.” stepping in, you can’t help but glance around. The apartment was similar to yours, the layout was a bit different though. “Can I get you something to drink ? Coffee, water ? A beer ?” he rounded the kitchen counter, you took a seat on one of the chairs by the counter. 

“Water’s fine, thanks” 

He reached for a bottle from the fridge, sliding it over to you. You gave him a smile, he leaned against the counter and was now looking- studying you. 

“I know we’ve talked to each other for 4 years but this is kinda strange” you chuckled awkwardly, Buck can't help but smile. 

“Yeah, it is, isn't it? but can I ask why you moved to LA?” 

“Well all of that was in the letter” you slide the envelope across the counter and he picks it up, opening it. Giving him a few moments to read, you watch his expression like you were hoping for some insight as to how he was feeling or what he was thinking. He let out a laugh, “how’d you know I'd guess Canada ?” you smiled at him, a small wave of relief washing over you for some reason. “Lucky guess I suppose” 

“Do you-” “What are-” the sentences cutting each other off, the two of you awkwardly smiling at each other. “You first” looking at him, he hums. 

“Do you have work tomorrow or are you busy ?” His eyes meet yours, you found yourself leaning forwards towards the counter- towards him. He made you feel comfortable, you’d go as far as to say safe, in a way you’ve never felt before. 

“No, I don't start until the 21st. Why ?” 

“I was thinking - if you're not busy and if you want to, of course. Maybe I could take you out for breakfast and I could show you around ? Or lunch or dinner ? Whatever works for you actually” he rambles, fiddling with his fingers to avoid eye contact. 

A small laugh slips past your lips causing him to look up, his brows furrowed as he studies your face, looking for an answer. 

“Breakfast sounds good, what time should I be ready for ?” 

“Uh, is 10 okay ?” he asks, you nod. “I’ll be ready for 10 then.” 

“Okay, I'll pick you up” he smiles. 

“Buck, we live in the same building.” 

“Oh right,” he chuckles, “well I'll be by yours at 10 then” the two of you smiling at each other. 

“Okay.” 

----

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