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total-drama-brainrot · 2 months

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TD World Tour AU, where Noah doesn't tell Owen that Alejandro is an eel in London... In Area 51, Noah is accidentally splashed with an alien truth potion (which wears off after a few days) and he talks to Owen... Owen asks Noah what he truly thinks about Alejandro, and Truth-Potion Affected Noah says this: "I have mixed feelings for Alejandro. He's a brilliant, interesting guy and I like him, but I don't trust him. He's like a slippery eel dipped in grease, swimming in motor oil. Basically, Heather with social skills. Wait a minute, why am I telling you this?!"... What if Alejandro secretly heard Noah call him all those conflicting things + Alejandro also learns that Noah is affected with an alien truth potion? 👽

Alright, you got me. I'm an absolute sucker for truth potion plots, especially when the character(s) effected by them are usually either pathological liars or incredibly secretive- of which Noah absolutely falls into the second category, given he shares so little personal information.

I'll gloss over why Noah declined to shit-talk Alejandro in London (though there's so many ways this change in behaviour could be justified) since the focal point of this hypothetical centred around their time in Nevada, so let's start from the beginning of the Area 51 challenge.

Area 51:

Before we start, it'll have to be established that no one was eliminated in London. Let's say that the majority vote went towards Duncan (team CIRRRRH voted him out immediately because they found his re-admission to the competition unfair, I guess. I imagine he'd also vote himself, if not as a plan to escape the competition he'd been actively skiving from, then just as an act of spite) but Chris instead claimed it was a rewards challenge- much like he does in Greece- because he doesn't want to let Duncan slip away again so soon.

I see no reason to alter the first part of the challenge- the sneaking into Area 51 portion- since team CIRRRRH's course of entry is fairly straightforward. Noah's presence doesn't make much of a difference to how it would play out; the majority of them throw their rocks and run, Owen gets lasered over the fence and Owen-napped, ect ect.

When both teams have managed to make their way into the Black Box Warehouse, Noah immediately suggests they should prioritise rescuing Owen. Tyler's quick to agree, since he's a firm believer in the "no man left behind" mentality (and he probably makes a not-so-subtle jab towards Noah for his chance of tune compared to London, where both he and Owen did leave Tyler behind) leaving Duncan and Alejandro to split from the group- Duncan in search of Gwen, and Alejandro just takes the opportunity to finally be free from his 'incompetent teammates' and prioritises finding an artifact.

Noah and Tyler come across the contraption Owen's trapped in, Tyler punches it in a futile effort to break it open, and the face hugger cube drops into Noah's hands. This is where the point of divergence comes into play; Tyler has his E.T. moment with one of the face huggers, but Noah- who's a tad bit more observant than Alejandro, and used to dodging surprise attacks from his various older siblings (and Izzy)- anticipates his own face hugger attack and promptly starts a game of cat-and-mouse with a taser alien hot on his heels.

The commotion of which attracts the rest of his team. Alejandro and Duncan arrive on the scene to see Tyler being electrocuted by an alien and Noah running in circles evading another.

Duncan attempts to rip the face hugger from Tyler's face, finding success at the cost of sending Tyler trampling into Owen's captive contraption (essentially taking Alejandro's canonical place in this scene) and inadvertently freeing Owen.

Meanwhile, Alejandro swipes up the nearest box he can find and snags the alien chasing Noah, who's still very loudly panicking as he flees, and succeeds! The alien is swiftly captured into the box, netting team CIRRRRH their artifact, and Noah promptly goes careening into the nearest tower of junk in his face hugger-fuelled hysteria. This causes another box to topple from the peak of the tower, landing directly on Noah's head and spilling its contents onto the bookworm- glass vials filled with a mysterious, luminescent cobalt blue liquid shatter into pieces drenching Noah in whatever they contained. (i.e. truth potion.)

Owen has his false-amnesia moment, characterised by his Joker makeover, and Alejandro enacts his revenge post-hypnotic suggestion after being addressed as "Al" one too many times.

Noah, understandably, swiftly objects to Owen's treatment and demands that Alejandro snap him out of it. Alejandro concedes, and Owen's brought back to himself. At least, for a moment, before the fatigue of having his mind messed with sends Owen into near-catatonia (the same as canon), meaning he has to be ferried through the Warehouse and back to the Jet by Alejandro and Duncan.

Things carry on canonically from there; Noah's just sort of there for the most part, though there'd be a minor hint to his newfound proclivity for honesty. Something along the lines of him giving an uncharacteristically honest answer to Owen as to who he's voting- Tyler, of course, since he was the one who ultimately threw the challenge for them... and also because Tyler still holds some resentment towards Noah for what happened in London, and Noah feels guilty about it every time he looks at the jock. Wait, why did he say that?

Sometime between this and the elimination scene, Noah wipes the truth-goop off of himself, but not before the effects have already started.

Tyler's voted out, yada yada yada.

The Jet:

Thus begins the start of "Picnic at Hanging Dork". Team CIRRRRH, consisting of just Alejandro, Duncan, Owen and Noah, are slumming it up in the Economy Cabin. Alejandro tries to rally his team by asking how to break apart Courtney and Heather's tentative co-operation. Owen suggests having Alejandro seduce Heather, since it worked for both Bridgette and Leshawna. Duncan makes his "Babe Olympics" comment. Noah pipes up that playing with someone's feelings is pretty scummy, even for someone competing for a million dollars.

Alejandro takes Noah's reluctance towards his methodology poorly; he hadn't spoken up before, when Alejandro had utilized the same strategy against other girls- and even Owen noticed that, so surely Noah did too- so why was he to outwardly against him using the same tricks? Duncan agrees, and offers ''his'' idea of having Alejandro flirt with Courtney to throw both her and Heather off their games (since Heather has an obvious crush on Alejandro), and things follow canon.

Then, the scene between Alejandro and Courtney happens. Noah scoffs at the display from the side lines, prompting Owen to ask him why he's so against Alejandro's plan.

"I mean, you never said anything before, when he flirted with Bridgette and Leshawna." Owen comments, light-hearted in nature but with an underlying questioning tone.

Noah's eyes flicker with a cobalt glow, easily mistaken for a trick of the light, and he speaks without even thinking.

"Yeah, because I was trying to give him the benefit of the doubt. Bridgette was happenstance, and Leshawna's whole deal could've been a coincidence, or some massive misunderstanding. But this?" Noah extends an accusing hand out towards a smug looking Alejandro, then pans it over to a flattered Courtney, "He's outright toying with Courtney's feelings after she was cheated on in front of an international audience. It's scummy."

Owen nods in understanding, momentary contemplation evident in the pouted curve of his lips, and he chimes in.

"Does that mean you don't like Al?"

"I never said that."

"Well, how do you feel about him, then?"

Again, a flash of blue light against the hickory backdrop of Noah's eyes, and he responds thoughtlessly.

"I guess I have mixed feelings about him. On the one hand, he's slippery, like an eel dipped in grease, swimming in motor oil. He's like if you took all of the worst aspects of Heather, wrapped them up in a pretty package, and gave them social skills..." He holds his hands out before him in a scale-like manner, with the left tipped downwards and tie right raised by his chin. Then, the two hands swap positions.

"And on the other hand, he's brilliant. I've never met anyone as talented as Alejandro; he's smart, he's athletic, he's funny. It's almost unfair just how perfect everything about him is- even his face is perfect. It's ridiculous! Infuriating, even. It's so hard to dislike him, even when I know he's bad news, but that doesn't mean I trust him."

Owen stands slack jawed beside his best friend, both impressed and stunned at the raw honesty of Noah's tirade. Noah, now a little more aware of himself, realises that he's said more than he intended to- more than he thinks he's ever spoken in one go throughout the entirety of Total Drama. He's not usually one for speeches, after all, let alone honest ones.

He's always been the type to play his cards close to his chest, so why...?

"I, uh, didn't mean to go off like that."

And he also didn't mean to admit it, either. What was going on?

The look Owen gives him is, in a word, vivid. The blonde has a shit-eating grin stretching across his face, a sort of elated smugness practically glowing from his features.

"Sounds like someone has a cruuuush!~"

What? No? No! Not at all, where would Owen even get that idea?!

Noah splutters to correct Owen's assumption (to disastrous results, because he does sort-of has a crush on Alejandro, so the truth potion doesn't allow him to outright deny it), and in his preoccupied state he misses how a calculating pair of sage green eyes never seems to stray from him.

Alejandro has a lot to think about in regards to a certain cynic, it seems.

#I'd like to apologise for taking this idea and running with it.#Cutting myself off here before I breach 2k+ words or else I'll be here all day.#Sort of entered actual Writing Mode at the end there instead of Outline Mode but this idea is. So Full Of Potential I couldn't help myself.#But from here it'd basically be Alejandro using his newfound knowledge of Noah's crush on him to his advantage.#Whilst Noah's doing his best (and failing) to deny that he has any feelings for Alejandro.#Eventually leading to the two of them having a Bonding Moment where Alejandro gets Noah to divulge some personal information.#And in turn- or an effort to garner some trust (to be abused later)- Alejandro also lets himself be vulnerable towards Noah.#Something something Alejandro tries to use Noah as a pawn but ends up catching feelings of his own.#Then of course the potion wears off and Noah goes back to being just as prickly and standoffish as he was before.#A point of conflict maybe? Imagine bearing your soul out to someone only for them to close themself off to you not even days afterwards.#...Also imagine being practically forced to divulge information about yourself to someone you don't trust because of a truth potion.#Oh yeah. That's some good angst material right there.#Especially is you have Alejandro be- if not fully aware- than at least suspect that Noah's not being agreeable on his own terms.#Anon why have you given me The Thoughts?? I can't keep brainstorming AUs when I already have fics to work on!!#ophe's ranting in the tags again #total drama #td noah #td alejandro #team chris is really really really really hot #alenoah #-ish #silly ideas #other's ideas #long post #replies #kinda drafty in here (posts from the drafts)

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general-cyno · 6 months

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not to get ahead of myself but thinking abt future opla zolu made me a little emotional bc depending on how many seasons the show manages to get, there's high chances of seeing so many of luffy and zoro's moments. and the thing is - there's a lot of them? their relationship is built upon all these moments and interactions, some small, some big, some when they're not even together but still end up referencing or mirroring one another in some way. it's just so good. I can remember more than few off the top of my head in alabasta, jaya, skypiea, water 7/enies lobby, thriller bark, sabaody etc and that's just pre-timeskip. opla has so much potential to go absolutely bonkers with these two I'm unwell

#!!!!! maybe it's time for a re-watch #zolu #tp #do you ever think abt how hard 'what good is ambition if I can't even save the life of my own captain?' is gonna hit #after luffy's 'I need you zoro' and zoro's vow. the sheer angst of luffy watching zoro almost get killed in sabaody #the possible angst fuel of whiskey peak #the hurt/comfort of water 7. the peak soulmatism behavior in jaya etc #I feel insane just thinking abt it #it all depends on the show's future success and how much they actually invest in the writing #and their particular relationship too but it's like!!!! I think of all these moments and just. they're so important?#I can't really imagine erasing any of them out of the plot bc it's just so integral to both their characters and the crew dynamics #like zolu tends to be considered a more hmmm subtle? kind of ship? in terms of the nuance of their relationship #if that makes any sense #but in a LA TV format it gets more....blatant and nearly unavoidable to acknowledge how crucial it is #I think of opla's main theme playing in the background as zoro makes his vow in ep 6 all the time

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chaotic-on-main · 1 year

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cw/tw: angst, death

Imagine Levi slowly making his way to your room in the barracks, the sounds of his steps lingering down the hallways as he does. It's been a couple weeks since the last time he has been to visit but he just couldn't get himself to go. Why he decided to go today, he doesn't know.

Your door comes into view at the end of the hallway. He remembers you complaining so many months ago about a supervisor who said that if you did their paperwork for a couple weeks, you'd be able to have that room. You wiggled your eyebrows when Levi asked why, you simply stated back, "It has the best view of the sunset." And it did.

He stops in front of the hard wooden door, noting the piercing silence that comes from behind it. It's foreign to him, as usually he's greeted with your sweet voice singing old lullabies or laughing at something with your friends you had invited over. With a gentle push, it slowly opens inward. Levi half expects you to be at your desk, staring out the window facing the horizon. Then turning to face him with a wide smile and those wide eyes he loved.

"Levi, you're home." You'd say, and you'd mean it every time even though you both knew he couldn't stay here all night.

But you weren't there, not this time. You wouldn't be, ever again. The room once filled with life from your own personal touches, now devoid of any meaning. Any scents that once belonged to you, now gone just like your things.

This expedition took more than he could take. With a sigh, he makes his way over to your old chair and lowers himself into it then stares out the window. The sun is just starting to set.

Taglist: @averysmolbear @humanitys-strongest-bamf @youre-ackermine @notgoodforlife @roseofdarknessblog @missamity @levis-squishy-cheeks @icansmellsouls @dkbktk420 @elnyrae (it won't tag it properly @ god why)

If you'd like to be a part of my taglist, please go here! Your email and choices will never be shared! 💕

#im. so sorry #i dont know where this came from #the idea literally popped in my head after looking at a picture of fish #what is the correlation here #do fish just make me sad #i dont even know #anyways i just typed this up on mobile so if there are any mistakes or if it's just really bad #i am so sorry #levi ackerman #levi ackerman x reader #levi x reader #attack on titan #aot #shingeki no kyojin #snk #angst #canonverse

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wikiangela · 3 months

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tease tidbit tuesday💀

tagged by @alliaskisthepossibilityoflove @daffi-990 @fortheloveofbuddie @disasterbuckdiaz @hoodie-buck 💖

hi! so, yesterday I randomly opened the doc with the buddie death cast au - which is a fic I started writing last summer on vacation and never got back to it but then made progress lol it's gonna be MCD, which i know is not everyone's thing so feel free to ignore this 🤣 it's basically buddie in the universe of the "they both die at the end"/"the first to die at the end" books so it's gonna be sad, sorry lol (I never even read mcd, idk why i'm writing this but this idea just wants to be written i guess haha) gotta put this weird mood I've been in lately to good use and finally write this 🤣 not sure if I'm happy with this snippet, but it all needs editing, the first two snippets were written on my phone and haven't been edited yet lol

I posted two snippets so far, gonna link them both snippet 1 | snippet 2

___

“Is all of this clear, Eddie?” she asks in the end.

“Yeah, sure, whatever.” he says shortly. He should've just hung up immediately. Or cancel this stupid subscription after Shannon died. Sometimes he wonders if maybe people who get the calls and coincidentally get into accidents, for example, just give up and refuse to fight because they think it’s their time. Not like Shannon could do much, her injuries were too severe when they got there, but the point stands. Maybe they get more reckless, thinking it doesn’t matter anyway.

There’s a short pause on the line, but then Jane speaks up again, her tone softer, more sympathy seeping through.

“I know it’s not easy to accept, if you’d like some help with that, on out website you can find therapists and grief counselors specializing in-”

“Listen.” Eddie interrupts. He’s spent enough time in therapy. He’s not doing it on his supposedly last day. “I know it’s all bullshit. I don’t care. You said what you had to say, I listened, for whatever reason.” he rolls his eyes. He really should’ve hung up, or not answered at all. “Is this conversation over yet?” he asks and is met with another moment of silence. She’s probably wondering what everyone else always is: why is he even spending money on this if he doesn’t believe. He has an answer ready to go, but that’s not what she asks.

“Can I ask you a question?” she says quieter, whispering, probably not allowed to go too much off-script.

“Sure, why not.” he shrugs. He’s wide awake now, anyway, he’s not in a hurry. Not like he’s dying anytime soon.

“If it was your last day, how would you spend it? You don’t have to answer, just think about it.” she adds quickly, her tone much softer and gentler now. Eddie’s mind immediately supplies a picture of Christopher and Buck, just a casual hang-out, like usual, maybe going to the movies, or the aquarium, or the planetarium, something fun for his kid. And later a gathering with the rest of their family, maybe a barbecue at Bobby and Athena’s, with Maddie and Chim, and Hen and Karen, all their kids, just everyone having fun together. Yeah, that’d be a perfect day. “There’s no harm in spending today just like this, if possible. Just in case.” Jane adds, still whispering. He doesn’t tell her that’s more or less his plan, anyway, for the evening after his 12-hour shift. During which nothing will happen to him, because Death-Cast doesn’t know shit. “Well, lastly, Eddie,” Jane’s voice is back at normal-volume, tone strictly professional but sympathetic, as she recites the end of her script, “on behalf of everyone here at Death-Cast, we’re so sorry to lose you. Live this day to the fullest.”

Eddie hangs up without a word.

___

no pressure tags: @elvensorceress @gaydiaz @diazass @thebravebitch @silentxxsoul @shortsighted-owl @eddiebabygirldiaz @arthursdent @911onabc @housewifebuck @rogerzsteven @watchyourbuck @underwater-ninja-13 @eowon @loserdiaz @evanbegins @ladydorian05 @wildlife4life @nmcggg @diazpatcher @lover-of-mine @king-buckley @monsterrae1 @thewolvesof1998 @puppyboybuckley @weewootruck @buckaroosheart @spagheddiediaz @steadfastsaturnsrings @exhuastedpigeon @jesuisici33 @theotherbuckley @rainbow-nerdss @malewifediaz @giddyupbuck @diazsdimples @jeeyuns @epicbuddieficrecs @pirrusstuff @honestlydarkprincess @hippolotamus @spotsandsocks

#tease tidbit tuesday #death cast buddie au #buddie wip #buddie fic #buddie #wikiangela writes #my writing #fic snippet #my wips #angst #buddie angst #mcd #i don't know how yet but eddie will die in this one bc apparently ive been in the mood to break my own heart lmao #i wanted to say maybe i'd share smth happier tomorrow but i don't think i have any happy wips im actively working on rn???#there are happy wips in general but im not really in the mood/inspired for those rn #ran out of happy when i finished the natalia fic i guess lol #who even am i lmao what's with all the angst and sad im usually all about fluff 🤣#(gonna share some more of alive shannon tomorrow!)#btw if you haven't read the books and have questions hmu but also i'll try to make everything clear in the fic lol #but also SO recommend the books they're so good and so sad and I think about them like at least once a week (the prequel wrecked me)

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d4rk-x-w0lf-17 · 3 months

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Hi! I've read your ectoham bad end!au and I found it kinda interesting. Would you mind if I shared with you a small contribution to this au, if you are interested?

Basically, it would delve into the consequences Dan's tinkering with the timeline and Randy's abuse at Dan's hands has had on Danny and Randy psyche.

Like, let's imagine that Danny manages to fix things and restore the original timeline, preventing Dan from existing, and that randy is restored to his fourteen years old self, instead of being eighteen or twenty two years old. Unfortunately, Randy's memories with Dan in that alternative future didn't get erased with the rest of the timeline, and he has veritable memories of four or more years being Dan's pet and boy toy, with everything that entailed: the abuse, the torture, the possible sexual assault.....

And that breaks him. Randy, the fluffy ball of sunshine and rainbows ends up absolutely traumatized of everything he went through as Dan's prisoner, and, as you said, developed Stockholm syndrome and codependency to his captor, something that doesn't disappear when the original Danny rescues him and makes everything return to its original state.

At first, Randy tried to shrug it off with his typical antics, but that doesn't last that much and he finds increasingly difficult to bring himself to pretend. What's worse, his time with Dan has made Randy have mixed feelings towards Danny. He still loves the ghost boy with all his heart, but now these feelings are mixed with the dread he harbored towards Dan, which makes Randy fall into old behavioral patterns when he's around Danny.

Because, although Dan was cruel, he could also act all lovingly and caring when he wanted, specially when Randy pledged to his wishes, which meant that Dan would give Randy treats when he was a "good boy" and behaved accordingly. After all, victims of abuse that have a toxic relationship abusers often feel that, when their abuser punishes them, it's somehow the victim's fault. So now Randy, everytime he's near Danny, acts in a similar manner when around Dan, which means that Randy tried to be as complacent and less obtrusive as possible, which translated to his boisterous and cheeky nature being mostly snuffed out.

However, Danny soon picks up the signals that something isn't quite right around Randy, mainly because, despite Danny not being the most empathetic person (that's Randy's forte, since he's far more extroverted) his time with Randy has made him become more aware of how people truly feels, so it doesn't take a long time for Danny to notice that randy doesn't look at him in the eyes any more, or that he shivers and gets stiff every time Danny holds his hand, and, of course, randy doesn't crack nearly as many jokes as he used to.

Danny eventually confronts randy about the issue, fearing that Randy doesn't love him anymore, because Danny didn't quite realize the full damage of Dan's actions and only assumed that randy would only be freaked out by his evil alter ego being big and scary. The issue is, Randy still loves Danny, but everytime he sees Danny, he also sees Dan, and the trauma inflicted by Danny and Vlad's fusion makes Randy increasingly difficult to dissociate one from the other, which translates to a mix of fear, revulsion, adoration and dependency.

Upon finding out how much Randy was hurt by Dan, to say Danny gets absolutely furious would be an understatement, but this time, instead of ruminating on his own feelings, he does his best to be the anchor Randy was always to him, because randy was always a source of support for Danny, and Danny wants to reciprocate, so Danny tries to be as supportive and patient as possible.

However, Danny also has his own problems, the discovery of the full extent of Dan's abuse towards Randy takes its toll on Danny psyche, since although Danny had always had an ambivalent relationship with his ghost powers, finding out what randy went through causes a spurt of bitter self-loathing to rise within Danny, which makes him to blame himself for Randy's actual condition. After all, Danny can't be sure that the abuse inflicted by Dan was all Vlad's half, otherwise, his own half would have refrained itself from hurting Randy so much, which makes him question wether he's a good person at all.

Also, he feels that he's losing randy with each passing day, as they are becoming increasingly distant, and although Danny starts to ponder wether he should break up with Randy, so that the distance will heal Randy's emotional scars with Danny being out of the picture, the feelings he harbors towards the purple haired boy, and the void he feels everytime he tries to imagine his life without Randy, whom he loves so very fucking much, makes Danny cry himself to sleep in his bed every night.

At the end, they remain together, and they manage to support each other, but the process of recovery is incredibly difficult, and it involves many, many sessions of therapy with jazz, which almost always end up with both of them hugging each other and crying their eyes out.

So, what do you think? Would it serve for a fanfic or what?

THE FACT THAT YOU MANAGED TO SUMMARIZE MY EXACT THOUGHTS OF THE DYNAMICS DESPITE MY BRAIN BEING DOO DOO AND REFUSING TO GET THE PROPER WORDS OUT IS INCREDIBLE

i've been trying to continue working on the AU, but i was just so consumed by different fandoms and my eventual job that it was difficult to make time for it

if i ever decide to abandon the AU, i'm more than happy to give to someone who knew what my brain was thinking at the time

#i'm too consumed by sonic to really give any proper thoughts on this AU or even continue it atm #it's been pushed to the very back but i do like what i did with it #it was mainly cuz i liked angst and it was the best i could come up with #rc9gn #danny phantom #ectoham #bad end ectoham au

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mwagneto · 9 months

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gomens fandom having a normal one (take under the cut)

#I GENUINELY DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT THE HELL OP IS SAYING LIKE WHAT DOES THIS MEAN? WAHT DO YOU MEAN #granted i never read fanfic/go on ao3 but I've been in this fandom for five years and I've never seen any of those WYM #AND LIKE. EVEN IF ANGST FICS WERE SO COMMON THEY WERE RUINING YOUR LIFE. HOW DOES THE US GOVERNMENT COME INTO IT💀#this is making me lose my mind i feel like im dreaming what the fuck does this mean #op DON'T interact with me i have no interest in arguing or ever thinking abt this again really #just wanted to put this out into the world and then leave #good omens #gomens #also literally why are the worst takes always posts that start with ''sorry im busy adulting so this post is gonna be rushed teehee''

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aroacettorney · 1 month

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do not let caseys sunshiness distract you from the fact that she is just as much emotionally constipated as ludger.

#academy's undercover professor spoilers #academy's undercover professor #casey selmore #the fact that casey has never told anyone including betty and terinna about delica/memory storming events is so wild to me #like girlie why r u suffering from all that by urself #ppl hating on casey for having negative EQ but that only reflects how much emotional support she usually gets from others #case in point: marias selmore #wouldnt surprise me if casey has never trusted to emotionally open up to anyone ever again when its her own family treating her like that #in her entire life casey is close to only 4 ppl but they are either:#1) her sister who historically sucks #2) bestie no. 1 who is almost always swarmed with work #3) bestie no. 2 who once again gave her trust and abandonment issues #4) bestie no. 3 who is not even a human but an automaton also learning how to deal with her own emotions #not to mention to maintain her reputation as a renowned detective she must have been neglecting her own emotional needs #casey selmore my beloved just because you dont look at it doesnt mean it is not there #casey tryna brush off her emotions after the memory storming and seek to solve the problem logically like a thinker she is but #she didnt realise that she was just delaying the inevitable and so the basara arc hit her like a truck + left her bedridden for a month 💀#caseys apologies to ludger only really solved the problem on logical terms #but there is never any emotional closure between them bc they are both painfully emotionally constipated so back to suffering we go 💀💀💀#lesson learnt from ludgercasey angst galore: stop trying to solve emotional problems with logics

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feroluce · 2 months

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Thinking tonight about Caelus, and the nature of his loss and his grief after the Everything that went down in Penacony during 2.0.

Because Acheron, Black Swan, and Misha kind of knew of Firefly, they at least met her, but they didn't like really know her, and Caelus never even got the chance to introduce her to the rest of the Astral Express Crew. The only person who would have talked to her much was Sparkle, who is. Probably not really someone Caelus is interested in grieving with skznmsks

Anyway, all this to say, I like thinking about how alone poor Caelus is in his grief, because he was the only one who knew Firefly. He's the only one really mourning her. There's no one to talk about her with. There's no stories to trade or memories to reminisce with anyone over. It's not as though he knew her for long, but still. No one else knew her at all.

And I love the thought of all of this coming bubbling up, hot and acidic and bitter, during a conversation with Sampo, who Caelus just so happens to run into in the Golden Hour. Poor Sampo is kinda blindsided, he knew shit was going down in Penacony, but yeesh. And he just. Isn't quite sure what to say about it all, because he's never really encountered this before. His feelings about the Masked Fools are...a mixed bag, but he's been a part of them for a very long time, and when you're with a close organization like that, it's hard to feel alone, in grief or otherwise.

So Sampo sits there on their little bench that the two of them have occupied, and he thinks of his old friend April, how she'd died in his arms cackling and spitting her own blood after a heist gone wrong, and how after he'd dragged himself back to the World's End Tavern they'd all held a Fool's Funeral- which is basically just a big party where everyone gets really really drunk and reminisces and toasts the dead and celebrates their life.

He still thinks about her a lot, and he remembers how the time he'd most keenly felt her absence was on Jarilo-VI, the one place where he couldn't talk about her because he couldn't say anything to give himself away as an alien. The Fools still tell stories about her every time he goes back to the Tavern. His first toast of the night is always in her name. Even now, all these years after she'd died, Sampo is still learning new things about her. He's never had to grieve her alone.

Caelus doesn't have any of that.

He might never have that. As they speak, Caelus has no proof that Firefly was even her real name, or if she dreamt with her true appearance. He might not ever find out who she even was.

And just imagining that kind of loneliness hollows out a strange little pit, right behind his sternum, deep between his ribs.

So Sampo claps Caelus' shoulder and offers him a deal. Come find him outside of the dream. He knows a guy who can get them a lot of beer for really cheap-

("Is that guy you and your five finger discounts?" "Whatever do you mean, dear friend, I don't even know the meaning of the phrase, hehee.")

-and they can hole up in a bar or a hotel room or something, and get completely shitcanned. Tell him all about Firefly, tell him everything, and he'll tell Caelus about April and everyone else he's ever lost. Sampo will carry Caelus' memories of Firefly with him, and at least this way, Caelus will be a little less alone in remembering her. And the next time they cross paths, Sampo will be the one to bring her up, and to tell her stories, and Caelus can get to be the one listening. He won't have to be the only person to talk about her anymore.

Caelus rolls his eyes when Sampo avoids another remark about sticky fingers, but...ok, yeah. That sounds good. Nice, even. Thank you. Caelus bumps his shoulder against Sampo's. Sampo bumps back.

(They find each other again the next day, and true to their word, get themselves completely and utterly shitcanned. Caelus talks more than Sampo has ever heard him; every minute detail, every word choice, Firefly's every odd little mannerism and habit. Because Caelus wants to make sure this will outlive him, that even if the Stellaron dwelling within him finally burns him to a crisp and he really does up and kick the bucket, or even, godforbid, if he forgets, he wants to make sure someone remembers her. She deserved that.)

((And it takes quite a while, after that. Caelus doesn't see Sampo again until after everything has settled down. On his last day in Penacony, he finds the guy slinking out of a seedy back alley and all but runs right into him. Sampo happily leads him to some dive bar in an even seedier back alley that Caelus has never even heard of, and Sampo raises his glass. "To Firefly! Who sounds like she probably would have hated me at first, but I would have liked to have met her anyway."

And Caelus stares at him, almost looking startled, long enough that Sampo worries that he's read him wrong and brought this up too soon. He's halfway into planning how to talk himself out of this situation when Caelus finally throws back his head back and laughs, tells him that yeah, Firefly would have politely called him out on every lie he told, and all their conversations would take twice as long with the way Sampo is so full of shit.

And he can see it, the same way he watches and sees through everyone, that Caelus' eyes have a tightness to them, his knuckles are nearly white around the handle of his mug. But he smiles. He hits his glass against Sampo's far too hard and throws it back and gets foam everywhere like he does every time they drink because the guy's about as elegant as a raging bull, but those things don't lessen the genuineness of his smile.

The grief is there, but so is the elation, and those emotions aren't a sliding scale between one or the other. It is all of both and both at once, and that's what contents Sampo enough to throw his own mug back when Caelus makes a toast of his own, "to April!!".))

#caelus #sampo koski #hsr caelus #hsr sampo #sampo & caelus #honkai star rail #hsr #my fics #me a few days ago: my favorite silly little guys uwu #me today: ANGST #honestly I feel like this isn't even a super strong angst though #it's more just. bittersweet? melancholic? something.#I JUST. REALLY LOVE STORIES ABOUT THE NATURE OF GRIEF #and 2.0 laid the groundwork for that beautifully woohoo #I just remembered this probably isn't common knowledge oops but April is the cute red haired girl in Funny Bone #her name was revealed by the creators on twitter. she's named April like April Fools!#anyway I ship it hardcore now thanks bucket boi & studio #but anyway yes I love and adore the loneliness of the trailblazer's loss and grief after 2.0 #because we know from Sunday that Firefly is “spiritually dead” but the trailblazer wouldn't have that knowledge #and they wouldn't know her identity or about any of her connections to other people #and I love that juxtaposed against Sampo and the possible strange nature of his own grief-#-given how the Masked Fools operate and how they see Elation in everything and everywhere #Sampo is no saint- like at all lol- but I do like him and Caelus getting along and being bros #and I don't think it would be terribly ooc for him to care about someone he sees as a genuine friend #he maybe rarely considers someone a genuine friend. but still dmxjjdjdk #listening to Sam's boss theme as I tag this... have been listening to it a lot ever since I finished 2.0 tbh #it's probably what inspired a lot of this haha #because it does sound strong and intimidating and imposing #but you can hear it #the heartbreak

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dazais-guardian-angel · 1 month

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I'm finding it difficult to reconcile the fact that what I've always wanted and envisioned for Nikolai and his relationship with Fyodor based on fanworks and the very very little canon information we've had to go off of so far, will very likely be very different from what we actually get.

While I understand the appeal of Fyodor taking over Nikolai's body via his blood ability, and the inherent, romantic, ironic tragedy of that — for Nikolai, the person who yearned for freedom, to meet an end by having his soul eternally trapped in the body of the person he loved the most, while Fyodor lives on in his body, never truly knowing how much he was adored by him — I would just hate the idea of that happening now? It just feels far, far too soon for Nikolai to be dead, for his character to no longer have a role or a purpose; his mind and behavior is so utterly fascinating in all its bizarre contradictions, there's so much more to explore and discover with him, he's one of BSD's most complex characters, or at least he's set up to be, and I really hope Asagiri wouldn't throw him away this soon without doing anything more with him.

I never really thought that Nikolai would be the one to end Fyodor for good, way down the line (that can only ever be Dazai's job, to me, since he's his foil), but I always imagined he'd at least have some kind of role in attempting to kill him, since that's his ultimate wish. I imagined that it would be ugly, frenzied, unhinged, desperate, Nikolai finally being forced to acknowledge the horrible truth that's always been buried within his subconscious but he's never wanted to accept: that going against all human reason and killing someone he cares so deeply for will not, in fact, simply make those feelings go away, and will instead make them unable to ignore in his despair. The realization that he'll always be chained to human emotions, to love, no matter how much he thinks he can be free of them. And then, the ensuing breakdown from that. Yes, it's extremely fanficky lmao, but that kind of drama makes sense to me for him and them. It's interesting.

There was also the angst angle of Fyodor being immortal, and Nikolai's agenda perhaps stemming from wanting to save him from that, and being able to finally free him from it in the same way he himself wants to be freed. Killing being the ultimate expression of love, not too dissimilar to Mushitarou killing Yokomizo, both putting on an act of being hateful/vengeful/hostile towards the other in order to cope with the fact that deep down they can't bear the thought of them being gone.

But then we got Fyodor's "death" here, and Nikolai's reaction to it was so unbelievably underwhelming and calm that it made me question everything I thought I knew about Asagiri's writing skills him, and what the story is going for with him. And combined with this revelation now that Fyodor is (unsurprisingly!) immortal, but specifically in the way that he can be killed but supposedly resurrects endlessly (which I really like in of itself, don't get me wrong)... it makes me question what exactly Nikolai knows, or will know, and it somewhat destroys the potential angst we could get with them in the end, or at least drastically changes it.

If Nikolai already knows Fyodor can't be killed, that means we'll never get a moment where he tries to kill him and then has to face the fact that he did the deed and it didn't make him feel freed, and he instantly regrets it. It also means we'd never get a moment where he tries to kill him and then discovers he can't truly die, and the ensuing insanity that would occur from that. It also makes me even question the legitimacy of his reaction to Fyodor's "death" here... was it so damn apathetic and lukewarm because he already knows it wasn't permanent? I mean, I'd like an explanation for it feeling so ooc, it would make me feel better about that, but I can't deny that it would be disappointing to have yet another part of this arc that was just an act and not genuine feelings....

Now, that isn't to say that it's impossible to do anything interesting with Nikolai already knowing the truth. He could be wishing to try to attain free will through the illogical pursuit of an impossible task: in this case, killing Fyodor. There's a beautiful, tragic paradox in him wishing to attempt something to gain his freedom that he and we know is impossible, especially if subconsciously he takes solace in the fact that he'd be able to kill Fyodor without actually losing him for good. If Nikolai doesn't already know, assuming he's not dead he's likely going to find out the truth soon when he next sees Fyodor alive and kicking — I can't imagine a way he wouldn't find out. In that case, we wouldn't get the aforementioned scenario where he tries to kill him and discovers it's futile, which is the most juicy to me I won't lie, but I am still fascinated by the idea of how Nikolai will respond just seeing him suddenly alive again and having to process this after having just mourned him. It's interesting to imagine how he might respond to and treat Fyodor after at last knowing how it truly felt to lose him, and realizing how much he didn't want that, and then suddenly having him back. It might cause him to finally understand that his desire for freedom is unobtainable, and cause him to spiral, and fundamentally change their relationship going forward. An eventual tragic end for him such as Fyodor taking over his body would not feel out of place to me in that case, perhaps, but still not until we've had more time to see Nikolai reflect and see his possible change in perspectives.

I don't know, I'm just rambling at this point lmao. I know very well that so much of my expectations and desires for Nikolai and Fyolai are built up from fan content over the years just because there's been nothing else to work with, and that it's unfair to judge what Asagiri decides to do with him/them based on preconceived notions. Whatever he does could still be interesting in the end, even if it's not what I initially wanted or expected, and being open to being surprised is always a good thing. At the end of the day we still know barely anything about Nikolai, so it's not completely fair for me to judge something as ooc for a character we still know so little about.

But... it's because we know so little about him and have gotten so little of him, that at the very least, I'm gonna be really upset if he does die here from being possessed by Fyodor like people are worrying about. I really don't think he will, because I'm pretty confident the helicopter pilot is the one Fyodor swapped with/resurrected in the body of as per soup's theory, and again I'm not saying it wouldn't be fitting eventually... but I really don't want it to happen now. :/ I just think Nikolai still has so much potential as a character and so much more we need to see of him before his likely inevitable and tragic demise (however it happens), so whatever Asagiri decides to do with him I just really, really hope we don't lose him so prematurely; it would honestly be such a tremendous waste imo.

#bungou stray dogs #bsd 114 #is this meta? i don't know #more like just incoherent rambling lmao #i just don't want Nikolai to die man....... I really don't #i get that people are hyped up on the juicy tragedy of it all but plssssssss it's too soon for him to go #we need so much more of the enigmatic clown...... he's too interesting to lose just yet!!!#i'm sad at probably losing the outcomes i always hoped for him and fyolai but right now i just want More Of Him #he can't die so soon when he's barely even had pagetime #it COULD be fascinating to see Fyodor's reaction to taking over his body but....... i don't think he'd /have/ any right now #they need more time together before one of them dies #i always thought/hoped Fyodor would die first and Nikolai would be left alone to angst lmao but ugh........#now it's really feeling like it'll be the opposite #which again doesn't HAVE to be a bad thing depending on how Asagiri executes it........ I just think this is way too soon for it to happen #i'm gonna be so mad if Nikolai just dies offscreen without us ever hearing from him again because Fyodor possessed his body #poetically cruel and tragic? yes. but also so anticlimactic at this moment in time #never getting to hear from him again.........#ugh i blame all the Fyolai fan creators; they've raised the bar too high 😭😭😭#idk maybe i'm just talking out of my ass though. i probably am. i just feel conflicted about all this and need to see where it goes

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desultory-novice · 4 months

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hi dess, I was thinking about drawcia and her siaters last night and was curious if you ever thought about a connection between her and adeleine and noir. because of the... art theme, and because her sorceress form has some glaring similarities to dark matter blade. and/or perhaps some relation to the painter and mysterious brush mentioned in paintra/DX's boss descriptions? the subject of 2 siblings being separated is something adeleine/noir and paintra/drawcia seem to have in common

Oooh, D00p... >w<

I hate to say that while I've been passively aware of some of the visual similarities/glaring connections between Drawcia and Dark Matter Blade, I have never really thought hard of doing anything with it/come up with anything particularly HC-y for them. Kinda goes for Drawcia and Nightmare too, who also share some concepts.

(There's just too much Dark Matter in Kirby! Keeping them all straight yet connected in a way that makes sense is difficult, darn it! No wonder Shimazaki left! "Figure the rest out for yourselves!" XD) (1)

I do know that, for Apologies, it's canon that Noir and Adeleine's family are 'people upon whom the rest of the planet does not look too fondly on.' That is why, while it would already be hard for two kids to survive there, it has been especially hard in their case...

:Dess still in deep consideration whether she wants to finish drawing the content warning-required Noir backstory chapter or not, even though it keeps poking its head into other stories:

Ahem! But I do remember thinking that if the Dark Matter Blade is Lab Discovera's first cursed af attempt at trying to make or recreate, I dunno, Galaxia maybe(?) That Ado's Paintbrush is probably the same for the Magic Paintbrush in Canvas Curse.

So, they are tied into the lore of this somehow... And you're right that their story echos the separated siblings. In fact, I was talking with thecrashman a little about some Apologies spoilers related to the above mentioned sidestory and witches made of paint did dance through my head for a second... but I still don't have anything concrete as to how the four (five, counting Vividria) are related.

(1)

Speaking of, I saw someone post that another Japanese guidebook supposedly made it "clear" that the Dark Matter you fight in DL 3 is the same as Blade which made me gulp because in Apologies, I wasn't necessarily going to make the Dark Matter in 3 the same as Noir and I was pre~tty sure the Japanese wiki backed me up on the possibility that they were, or at least, could be different!

...God, making Blade be the same Dark Matter that's in both 2 and 3 in Apologies-verse would have even ME crying and screaming?!?

It was bad enough that he's just a shadow of himself in 2. Flickering whispers of fading memories fighting a losing battle against the all encroaching darkness, but now, in Dream Land 3, he's LITERALLY a thrice-dead soulless husk?! Made to repeat the same task he failed at before by a heartless tyrant who only demands of the boy:

"Again." How...many...more...times...? "Again until you succeed."

Noir was gentle enough to keep Dedede asleep the whole time he was possessing him. Noir only captured Kirby's friends, not hurt them, mildly inconveniencing Kirby. But Zero? Zero resurrects his dead pawn, rips open Dedede's stomach and shoves Blade inside the king like he was a prison made of flesh within which Blade can only gnash his "teeth" (...rattle the bars...) and shed tears of darkness...

Zero then parades him out before Blade's own BABY BROTHER as a meat shield and an "example" - to fill both Gooey and Kirby with despair and hopelessness at the inevitability of that which they face.

"...You thought you had ended this one's suffering?" "This is the fate of all who defy EYE."

What is this True Arena Noir Soul I have accidentally invented?

#Kirby #Apologies AU #cw: angst #cw: mild horror #Dess accidentally makes Apologies even more horrible #(I'm not covering DL3 though. That's too much to draw.#If you're a fan of Noir's endless suffering then you...#...can go ahead take the above as canon though.)#Zero Kirby #Noir (human form DMS)#I don't really have any HC on Zero normally...#...but they are being kind of needlessly ruthless here #Apologies!Fecty has a rival for biggest asshole?!? ^^;#(At least Fecty is just getting revenge on the...#...species that built its society upon their suffering)#(Speaking of things that are too hard to draw...#...the story of how Adeleine 'made it' to Popstar...)

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