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ladylingua · 1 year

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I have a very genuine question about the tipping post I promise I didnt read it in bad faith: are people who simply cannot afford to tip not “allowed” to eat out? I’m just thinking about how it works where I am from and while tipping is the norm here if someone doesn’t tip because they can’t afford it it really isn’t a big deal (+tipping norm here us only 10%). so if a poor family goes out to eat to celebrate something and they can barely afford the meal would they still be expected to tip 20% because they shouldn’t eat out if they cant afford it? thank you in advance I’m really curious

If it helps, don’t think of the tip as a separate thing. It is part of the cost of your meal. So if you cannot afford to pay for the cost of the meal including the tip you cannot afford to eat at that restaurant. This is something I myself have to calculate when I’m deciding if I want to eat at a particular restaurant- if I have $15 I can’t go to a restaurant and order a $20 entrée and then refuse to pay the remaining cost, and likewise if I have $15 I can’t order a $15 entrée and expect not to pay the server for their service.

Now that doesn't mean families who can't afford a pricy restaurant can't eat out at all. Since it is a % of your bill you can try to go for a cheaper restaurant (smaller bill = smaller tip), or if you go to a counter service place where you serve yourself you’re not expected to tip 20% (sometimes they have a jar out you could kindly throw a dollar or more in, but there is much less expectation to tip because the workers at a place like that receive a full minimum wage, more on that in a sec). I will also say in my lived experience poor families in America understand and tip well, I’ve almost exclusively been under tipped by wealthy people (which is what kicked off the debate on twitter- if your bill is $700 then you obviously can afford to tip a full 20%, no destitute families are spending $700 on one meal).

Technically speaking you can get away with 18% as a tip, and if you go down to 15% your waiter will think you’re cheap and be annoyed (15% definitely implies you were unhappy with their service) but that is the lowest possible threshold of acceptability. 10% is not an acceptable rate here, and 20% is now the expected norm for good service, and going up from there for great service. And I would never, ever not tip at all. I can only imagine not tipping if like the server had done something deeply offensive or dangerous or something. I've never encountered a situation where I felt the server didn't deserve any tip at all.

Because you’ve asked in genuine good faith I’m going to provide some more context to help you understand a bit more why this is the way it is-

Waitstaff in america are wildly underpaid. Our federal government assumes the tips are part of their expected income, and so a) they are taxed on assumed tips and b) it is legal to pay them less than standard minimum wage. Currently the tipped federal minimum wage is $2.13/hr. Now, states set their own individual rates so some states do better, but $2.13/hr is the lowest they can all legally go. And you’ll notice in that link it mentions the assumed tips and taxing them. I said on my original post, when I worked as a tipped waitress I made $2.68/hr and sometimes my biweekly paycheck was like $60 total. Imagine trying to survive on $120 a month, you absolutely cannot. Tips made up my actual wage, and were the paycheck I depended on to pay for my basic needs. I relied directly on customers to choose to do the social convention of tipping for survival, and when someone would choose to do otherwise it was utterly devastating.

Another thing customers sometimes don’t realize is your waiter may not be allowed to keep all of the tip themselves. It’s a common practice to pool tips amongst all the waitstaff and then divide them equally, and many places require that you tip out other employees there. So if you give me $10 as a tip I might be actually giving a large chunk of that to bussers, bartenders, etc. Or maybe we pool tips and someone else stiffed my colleague so now all of us are sharing your $10 tip. So also keep in mind that the money you leave as a tip very often does not go entirely to the actual waiter, so a big tip can actually become pretty small much faster than you would think.

(and that's just legal practices, wage theft and illegal practices run rampant in the restaurant industry, just fyi)

If you are wondering why tipping culture here is so grim, it is because of slavery. Tipping got big here as a way to keep forcing Black Americans into working for free, now with a small tip but still no actual wage. It was designed for oppression. Waitstaff are overwhelmingly not wealthy people. It is very common for them to be on food stamps, require housing assistance, or to otherwise be living under the poverty line. If you are eating out and not tipping because you yourself are poor, you are taking money out of someone else’s poverty wages to do so. When we debate minimum wage here in america, conservatives are really good at painting a picture of waitstaff being perky middle class college kids making an extra buck, or teens from wealthy homes wanting some spending money. There is an implication that they don't really need the money that badly. That is not the reality of who makes up most serving jobs in america. Minimum wage workers are likely to be in poverty, they’re likely to be women and specifically they’re likely to be women of color. Americans of color are significantly more likely to be working at minimum wage than white americans. There is a pretty sizeable number of minimum wage workers who are over 50, and a not insignificant amount of them who are mothers who support their families. There are also those teens who just want extra cash, and they deserve good compensation for their hard work too, don’t get me wrong, but they are only a portion of who makes up the minimum wage workforce.

If you’re like “But that’s such a shitty system, you’re saying it’s pitting poor people against each other for basic human comforts!” yup. I 100% agree. I am a vocal proponent of raising the minimum wage for that reason. I also advocate for a Universal Basic Income, because I understand that when it comes to small mom & pop restaurants the owners aren’t always making a ton of money either and it seems like truly no one is winning in this system. It is set up to oppress and to demean and to grind us all down. There are lots of orgs in America that are fighting to improve the system, or to radically change the system. There are also restaurants that have tried to do things differently- there’s a wine bar in my city that says specifically on their menu that their wine is more expensive because they pay their workers a true livable wage so there is no tipping there. Instead as a customer I pay a higher upfront cost that covers the true expense of running the bar- including server wages. I love that, I wish more places would do things like that. In the meantime, when I’m choosing where to eat I factor in a tip of 20% when calculating my estimated bill, because paying for service is part of the cost.

Refusing to tip fully in america is not doing anything to change the system. It does not make restaurant owners rethink their pay structure, it does not put pressure on our government to fix minimum wage, it does not make a political statement. It just means your server is going home wondering if they can afford their own meal that night.

Thank you for asking for clarity, I hope this helps. Please feel free to ask more if you have any remaining confusion or are curious about other aspects of american culture. If I can answer and the questions are respectful, I am happy to reply!

#also fwiw #you know those big american chain restaurants people like to make fun of?#like olive garden or red lobster or applebees or whatever?#a lot of the appeal of those types of restaurants is they make a big production over you as a customer like you're at a high end restaurant #but the prices are much lower than an actual nice restaurant #so that is why so many americans view going to outback steakhouse as a big treat #it's not that we don't know what a good steakhouse is #it's that those places give you that service but your steak is $20.99 #and if you are like 'ha! my family wishes they could afford chilis"#no yeah those places are not cheap i feel you #but that's exactly the appeal of those big chains #a real nyc steakhouse starts at like $40 for steaks #and goes up from there #now look at outback's menu #now you get it?#so yeah if you're not a wealthy family and you have a celebration coming up you look for a restaurant in that vein

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astrhae · 9 months

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"I'm very good at forgiveness. It's one of my favorite things."

#michael sheen had absolutely NO RIGHT to go that hard #and break me like this #it's all the emotions aziraphale goes through #like he's not even done processing the kiss #it's the anger and the love and the confusion and the disappointment and the heartbreak #and also the guilt at the end #and him covering it all up #i'm really really never going to recover from this #good omens #good omens 2 #good omens spoilers #good omens 2 spoilers #goodomensedit #my edits #ineffable husbands

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theladystrikesagain · 2 months

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how does a show released in 2024 fail harder in showcasing fully rounded female characters with flaws and strengths and rich personalities than a cartoon from the 2000s. why has television & film legitimately regressed across the years when it comes to showing women as human beings lmao

#atla #avatar the last airbender #Katara #I didn’t have high hopes #but good god #gave up 2 episodes in I COULDNT DO IT ANYMORE #and from what I’ve read online this doesn’t get fixed as the show goes along #what did they do to you Katara love of my life #Maria rants #1k #*text

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dyinggirldied · 4 months

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Danny, burnout and exhausted of being the basically only one who can fight ghosts but still gets villainized and hated by the people he saved, decides he's done.

Because he's 14 he runs to another city, one where his parents and GIW cannot willy dilly do whatever they want. Yes, he runs to Gotham. Without telling anyone.

At Gotham, he ultilizes his intelligence in making fake ID and studies at a normal if a bit run down Gotham high school, not the fancy one where Tim or Damian is studying because 1) he's trying to lay low and 2) he hates the rich. He uses an old abadoned fire station as his home.

It's all fine and dandy. He doesn't need to intervene much since there are plenty of vigilantes in this city and he's free to just...focus. On himself, his education.

Meanwhile, Amity Park is literally and metaphorically under fire with his absence.

#why not more fics of danny going not my prob anymore #he retires from being a hero and a fenton #and his mental health improves somewhat #while at amity park vlad is regretting since he is the mayor and ghost attack complaints are getting longer #eventually this somehow gets the justice league's attention #and social media explodes #danny looks up from his coke and goes eh you poor unfortunate souls #and goes back to his homework #dpxdc #dcxdp

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densitywell · 7 months

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spent like an hour trying to find a post abt the disparity of origin companion's content in bg3 and couldn't so, hey, this fucking sucks

#baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #the fact that the astarion favoritism is baked into the game itself is so darksided oh my god #bc what do you mean wyll has TWO THIRDS THE AMOUNT OF DIALOGUE???#anyways this thread was also how i found out that astarion is the only one with durge specific scenes #and bc the writer was being forced into crunch and writing for both of them. lol #ETA I know abt Wyll being recast/rewritten and Karlach being added last. the post I linked goes into all of that in detail #as well as linking to another post that goes into even more detail and explains where these numbers came from.#you do not have to tell me. or accuse me of making shit up to make people mad. i know and i'm still mad lol #game design is very complicated yes but there's many ways they could've avoided giving the one black character the least amount of content

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mzminola · 1 year

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The more I see the phrase “eldest daughter syndrome” the higher it raises my hackles. It’s just parentification. It’s parentification and if you call it parentification it’s a lot easier to explain, and it’s a lot easier for the younger siblings or only children and children of any gender to identify it happening to them too.

Like I get that oldest sibs are more likely to be treated as accessory parents of their youngers, and I get that in a lot of families girls are pushed into caregiver roles, but fucking hell man parentification can and does happen to any kid regardless of birth order and gender, and while situations vary from family to family, there isn’t really anything the parentified oldest daughters are experiencing that the other parentified kids aren’t.

#abuse #parentification #'but so many parents are stricter with the eldest and loosen up rules over time'#sometimes it goes the opposite way my dudes #sometimes parents are lax with the older kids and get stricter over time #at extremes it's basically swinging from neglect to overcompensation

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hussyknee · 10 months

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my disabled ass, after (1)good day: "obviously I am cured. in fact it may have all been in my head. who can say? now to rejoin society!"

me, the next day: "it has come to my attention that i may be chronically ill."

#who'd have thunk #we're all shocked i know #i forced myself to go to supermarket and ended up clinging to the shopping cart to stay upright #took two hours to stop shaking from exertion #then immediately corralled the cat to tend to his rash #mfer struggles and protests until he realizes all over again that it feels quite nice actually #and then goes deadweight and purrs *while* warbling mournfully #presumably just on principle #but it's all still more spoons than I can spare #i need to take him to the vet for his follow up in a bit #so fucking drained #send thoughts and prayers #ugh #chronic illness #spoonie #disability #knee of huss

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sofiaruelle · 24 days

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❄️☃️The SDV Girlies in their winter garb!☃️❄️

One side how i interpreted their lil avatars and then the other side is just me playing dress up lmao.

“Bois when?” Dunno. 🤷🏽‍♀️ I will if anyone donates screenshots.

#stardew valley #stardew valley 1.6 #stardew valley winter #stardew valley maru #stardew valley haley #stardew valley penny #stardew valley leah #stardew valley emily #stardew valley abigail #sdv maru #sdv haley #sdv penny #sdv leah #sdv emily #sdv abigail #i was sweating drawing this #the ph is having a fucking heatwave at 40*C / 104*C #and i’m not even living in the city where its definitely worse!!!#my pinterest algorithm probably thinks i’m insane for searching up winter outfits #penny looking lightly dressed for winter in her 2nd lewk but she’s dressed in several layers in dresses and skirts #i just wanted to show a lil bit of the layered neckline #ngl my fave lewk has to be emily!#she probably made her whole ensamble from scratch #abgail probably goes around lightly dressed #‘cold never bothered her anyway’ -elsa #haley going from cocnut girl to cold girl aesthetic #also i based maru’s outfit in this really cool chinese obre puffer jacket + 90s pastel tracksuit #with leah… what can i say gay in primary colors #thank you to henarikat for sending me a screenshot of their avatars!!!!!!#and also for being a beta for Haley and Penny’s looks hahaha

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wasabi-gumdrop · 6 days

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Kabru has a secret admirer in the castle!

#running from my responsibilities (drawing armour) by imagining post canon Kabru fashion #minor spoilers in the tags!#royal advisor Kabru’s office is probably overflowing with gifts from foreign dignitaries eyeing him up for marriage #and sacks of perfumed letters from Melini citizens #Marcille would be so sick of it #Laios also has his fair share of proposals #Yaad is like … boys spare us all and pick a suitable candidate already #well Yaad there’s a saying that goes two birds one stone #anyway lol #someone might have suggested to Laios ‘hey Kabru works so hard. you should show your appreciation.’#Laios (blushing sweating): uuuh how do i do that #Marcille probably: i hear it’s customary to give your royal advisor flowers the same colour as their beautiful blue eyes #Laios: well if you say so #but he starts having second thoughts bcs what if the gift is too romantic #so then Laios is like oh i know i just won’t sign it (:#fool proof plan Laios good job #totally not taking into account that Kabru can recognize his penmanship at a first glance #so at their next meeting Kabru is like ‘i wonder who my secret admirer in the castle is 😉’#and Laios sweats so hard he falls out of his throne #doesn’t Kabru of Melini have a nice ring to it #better yet …. Kabru Touden #much to consider #dungeon meshi #dungeon meshi spoilers #kabru #kabru of utaya #labru #if you squint #wasabi doodles

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bishy437 · 5 months

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more of my moshang x inuyasha/isekai thing bc im still stupid as hell

#srsly what do i call this #mbj is so precious to me...he's my babygirl <3 #moshang #svsss #shang qinghua #mobei jun #shen yuan #scumbag self saving system #scum villian self saving system #scum villain #i also have a hc that mbj goes to sqh’s fast food arubaito and is horrified when he hears his voice thru the drive thru speaker—#like 「qinghua is trapped in this metal box by an evil curse 😠🤨」#*proceeds to rip it from its foundations and carry it back to sqh’s apartment*#if i end up drawing more of this i’ll include it next time 🫡#mine

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voiider · 19 days

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I need codependent Danny/Jason as a little treat (for me) and I love the idea of them having some sort of instant connection the moment they meet (bc ghost stuff idk)

Danny who's been dropped in Gotham with no way home (alt universe??) and he's been here for 36 hours and having a Very bad time senses a liminal being and immediately latches onto them heedless of the fact that his new best friend is shooting at some seedy guys in an alley and goes off about how stressed he is and how he can't make it back to the ghost zone and what a bad day he's been having (and it's important to note Danny is a littol ghost boy literally hanging off of Jason's neck as he floats aimlessly) and Jason is like "who are you??" And Danny is like "oh sorry I'm Danny lol" and then just continues lamenting his woes

And honestly ? This might as well happen. Nothing about this Danny guy(is he human?) gives Jason a bad vibe and tbh he's never felt more calm and level headed before so he just keeps up his usual Red Hood patrol and doesn't even think about it when he heads back to a safehouse and feeds Danny dinner (breakfast) before crashing for half the day

The only thing I actually need is Jason meeting up with the bats for some sort of Intel meeting and they're like "uhhh who's that" and Jason is like "that's Danny." And does not elaborate (very ".... What do you have there?" "A smoothie" vibes)

And it takes them a while to realize that these two have known each other for less than 12 hours and are literally attached at the hip

#very remora fish with a shark #jason todd #danny fenton #danny phantom #dpxdc #dp x dc #this isnt super important but i imagine Danny's ghost form as young and unaged from his death so jason is used to this small whispy kid #who just hangs off him and talks literally all the time #so when something comes up and someone is like 'idk if we can bring danny looking like... that' (glowing and a literal ghost)#danny is like 'oh ok u need a human? ok :)' and transforms #its been WEEKS #jason didn't know he could do that #nobody did #and now theres this 20ish dude standing there #human form danny doesn't talk a lot (anxiety) ghost form danny can't stop talking (anxiety)#could be a ship fic and at this point jason goes from 'where is my little buddy :(' to 👀😳#i imagine theres a sort of feedback loop with them both feeding off of each other's ecto energies and vibes idk #so when danny is human its not as strong #batman is convince this strange entity is like hypnoyizing his son and like hes not WRONG #but it goes both ways #idk #i just need more codependency fics :(#i should go on a bender #ignore my 500 open tabs and go to town

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turtleblogatlast · 2 months

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Was thinking about this again haha

Anyway I adore Hueso and Leo’s dynamic and wanted to include Hueso Jr in it because I like to think Leo can be shockingly good with kids

#rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt hueso #rottmnt leo #rottmnt hueso jr #rise leo #I wish we actually got to meet hueso jr #he’s so cute from the literal One Picture we saw #and it would have been so fun to see the sardonic Hueso’s son be so happy go lucky #he goes up to Leo all ‘you’re the one my papá always complains about!:D’#and before Leo can go ‘omg tío talks about me 🥹’ jr hugs him tightly #says he ‘always wanted a brother!!’#Leo tries not to cry fails and promptly says ‘what if I told you I’m a package deal’#Hueso Jr now has four big bros #turtle art tag #I JUST REALIZED I SHOULD PROBABLY START KEEPING A TAG FOR ART…

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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 3 months

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Lan Wangji Goes To Lotus Pier AU: Part 1: Dread on Arrival

(Part 2)

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #lan wangji #jiang fengmian #jiang cheng #wei wuxian #Yungmeng Jiang Training Arc AU #MDZS AU #The AU name for this idea is something I am 100% willing to change if someone has a better one.#There will be at least 2-3 more comics so *please*. Ideas and feedback welcome.#The core idea behind this AU is that LWJ goes to study with the Yunmeng Jiang sect instead of JC and WWX going to Cloud Recess #But why? Well I imagine Lan Xichen set it up to give LWJ a challenge (more social than skill based) and LWJ rose to it (begrudgingly)#Sort of a 'You've mastered so many Lan techniques but Other Sects have styles that are worth learning.' set up.#Lan Qiren agrees mostly on the basis that...well it's LWJ. Yunmeng Jiang is unruly but LWJ is beyond that riff-raff. He'll rise above it.#This is the story of a boy who thrives on routine and rules spending time in a place that is his apparent antithesis.#Also it is so warm there. He is used to it being cold and what do you MEAN just take off some of my layers?#I just want to see him struggle and flail in many situations. And get him in Jiang Purple. Is that so wrong of me?#(Soaking wet JC is part of my 'JC was born to swim; forced to hold a sword' agenda. Do not remove him from the water)#((Politeness notes: JFM would *not* call LWJ 'lan wangji' nor would LWJ be vocally impolite to a sect leader.))

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lunaicfantastic · 5 months

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fav part of gideon the ninth is for the first pre-canaan house chunk of the book, she's all "ugh I'm so normal surrounded by all these weirdo goth freaks when I blow this popsicle stand everyone will see how cool and normal and charming I am" and then she gets to canaan house and realizes that while she might have been a normie jock in the ninth house she is not exempt from being a goth weirdo who hides important doors behind tapestries and sneaks around in the dark so she doesn't have to talk to people. like we talk about her being a jock forced to be goth but nature v nurture babey she's not shedding that bone freak skin anytime soon

#gideon the ninth #and she realizes this its really funny #every time she does some ninth house shit shes like damn this is some ninth house shit :/#and then she does it anyway #i actually think its a cool piece of character work: gideon goes from seeing herself outside of/in opposition to the ninth house #in the beginning of the book #to feeling a part of/a soldier for the ninth house (and harrow specifically who gideon sees as the epitome of the ninth)#even during her brief backslide where she goes and talks shit with the eighth she can't really separate herself the way she could before #and when the chips are down and isaac and jeannemary are dead she wants two things: her longsword (a relic of aiglamene's training)#and harrow #so #yeah shes a jock but shes a goth weirdo freak jock #and shes a jock of the ninth #shut up anna

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zivazivc · 4 months

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i have the usual brainrot so here's a bunch of drawings of the brozone bros standing in the void

something something their paint brush hair is just a stage look, they are actually their parents' children