#and there are plenty of ways that choice impacted

[raayllum]

so Ezran and Karim, right

The fact I'm making this meta, however small, when my third and final Mirrored Paths meta centring on Karim and Callum is still sitting in my drafts, is particularly rich. That said, this is sort, mostly speculative, and I do what I want.

Although Karim has the most parallels with Viren, particularly in his political path and choices, and Ezran mostly parallels Janai in Arc 2, I hit upon some interesting potential parallels, namely three main ones, that I think are worth talking about.

So let's get into it:

Archdragons

First off, Ezran and Karim are the only characters we see really negotiate with archdragons in S4 and S5, albeit for different reasons. Ezran invites Zubeia to Katolis and Karim seeks out Sol Regem, more similarly to how Ezran likewise seeks out Domina Profundis in S5.

Ezran doesn't ask for help from Zubeia as well, but he does offer it: "If the Fallen Star is a threat the whole world will face, this is a chance to solve our problems together," whereas Karim offers a partnership and a request to a disinterested Sol Regem. Zubeia and Sol Regem don't have many parallels on the surface except for both being dragon monarchs, but there are some tethers with being lost in their grief, Zubeia being similarly hurt by dark magic in S5, and Zubeia saying that Zym's return "brought back [her] baby, hope, and her love" which echoes Regem's assertion that "I lost my hope long before I lost my sight".

There are more tangible parallels between Ezran and his archdragons (Domina, Rex Igneous) and Karim and Sol Regem, though. (There's also just a lot of bartering, offers, and exchanges in TDP in general, particularly in arc 2, but that's a meta for another day.)

These similarities are mostly due to asking each of them for something; for Domina and Rex, Ezran needs information; for Karim, he needs literal, physical help. Where Ezran is asserted as the true king, needed by his kingdom, Karim offloads it onto Sol Regem.

But just like Ezran asks for the dragons' aid, generally, in S5 to help hunt down Claudia and Viren (two humans in Xadia), Karim asks for help in getting rid of humans from the Xadian side of the border entirely.

Domina gives the information freely, but Regem and Rex both require a bit more... nudging, shall we say. And both dragons are convinced (seemingly, in S6 for Regem) by the right gift.

Which fits nicely into our next parallel of sorts, regarding

Worth and Parental Keepsake

Now, this is more of a contrasted parallel, of course. Karim asserts that the ring is worthless because it only has personal value (perhaps reaffirming his view of public relationships as something less important than political power, or his focus on symbols as something with immense value), whereas Ezran states that his crown has worth purely because of its sentimental meaning.

Additionally, while Janai loves Khessa and presumably their parents just as much as her brother, the same way that Callum loves Harrow just as much as Ezran does, it is the younger brothers who 1) seem to have always cared more about the throne in general and 2) who maintain keepsakes from their parental figure in comparison to their older sibling.

Which brings us rather nicely to our last point:

Brothers and Sisters

Like I've just said, Ezran and Karim are both the younger sibling and fiercely concerned with the future of their people; this is, admittedly, something Ezran and Janai likewise share ("to build a brighter future" amid other statements) but they have the hope and faith to get there. Karim is concerned with his own individual kingdom only, whereas Ezran has a broader view with Katolis at the top of his mind.

There's also plenty that they could take from Karim's subplot and give to Ezran, honestly—particularly because TDP has a tendency towards exploring how the younger siblings are more heavily impacted by disagreements with the elder (Karim and Janai, Janai and Khessa), abandonment (Soren and Claudia), and death (Amaya and Sarai). We also have confirmation that Callum and Ezran will have a conflict in future seasons where Ezran will be inclined to pull rank about it, throwing Janai's line above into a new foreshadowing light, perhaps.

It also feels inevitable that the brothers are going to have a big wires crossed perspective moment. This could be over Runaan, what to do with Aaravos, or something else entirely, but it seems bound for there to be a moment where they expect to agree ("Who knows my brother better than I do?") and are shocked if not also angry when they disagree, heavily.

If it's over Runaan, this parallel would be particularly fitting due to 1) Karim and Ezran potentially pushing unforgiveness and 2) while Callum would free Runaan regardless because that's just who he is (nor do I think Ezran would actually want the elf trapped or jailed forever), Callum's desire to help Rayla and make her happy is undeniably a factor at play there, just as Amaya helps Janai realize that "Yes, absolutely, I do want to be queen" through both the trial and on the hillside, whereas Karim still believes that "Janai never wanted to be queen" so she will step aside.

Like I said, this is the most speculative, but it seems likely the Broyals will temporarily have a more bitter sibling feud for a time than we've seen, say, from even Soren and Claudia (though S6 could change things!) and I am not opposed.

Other Misc Thoughts / Speculation

Another interesting fact that, again, Ezran shares with both Karim and Janai, is the importance of a royal ancestor from 300 years ago. We know a decent amount more about Queen Aditi—the Merciful, the Kind, who outlawed blood duels and also bound Kim'Dael to her family tree, deeply trusted by the Archdragons, and then mysteriously vanished = was "swallowed"—than we do about the Orphan Queen.

However, the two women definitely have an interplay. One fell prey to Aaravos; one helped imprison him and discovered his treachery. There are also potential parallels if Ezran gets woven into more into the Key of Aaravos debacle, similarly to how only the True Ruler of Lux Aurea can free Kim'Dael, Janai leaving Karim a currently moot point.

That said, I don't think Ezran will have too much to do with the Key as it stands now; he's been pretty narratively removed from it despite being in plenty of seasons where it was actively around (s1, s2, s4, etc) and his main tether to it at all is the Orphan Queen herself. I also wouldn't be surprised if Janai ends up paralleling Aditi more than her brother (though he is, admittedly, the one working with Kim'Dael, so parallel points there) since Aditi seems like ultimately more of a positive than negative figure.

Additionally, we see Karim be reaffirmed time and time again as a 'student of history' in ways that only Viren really comes close to. Karim is our most indicative Mage Scholar character, calling upon history and its importance throughout most of his episode appearances, and his deep desire to return to the past is part of what makes him such a massive fuck up in ways even Viren never meandered into. While I don't think Ezran will have too much to do with the cube, I could see him doing research maybe now that he's back in Katolis on his own for a bit in early S6, and eventually finding out more about his royal ancestor and the cube his brother has, miles and miles away, subsequently for the audience's benefit (and horror?).

And yeah, that's about it! Hope you enjoyed about best king and worst prince until next time!

#prince karim #tdp ezran #ezran #tdp meta #tdp #the dragon prince #arc 2 #s6 speculation #s5 #analysis series #analysis

[28whitepeonies]

Hi Bea, hope it's okay to ask this, why do some people don't like Louis drinking too much? I mean he isn't that much of an alcoholic, is it because of the recent Jojo interview? I'm just really curious why people are angry at Louis on his vices, hope you dont see me as a rude anon, I'm just very curious and you have great commentary so 🥺💐 pleaseee.

Hi friend

This is a big question that I am going to try to summarise my thoughts on.

I think the first thing is that in part this is much broader than just Louis but how a lot of people within fandom see the world, the role Louis (& Harry/Zayn/Liam - I see it less with Niall, though it may just be I don't see it) plays in their life and their desire to exert control over behaviour. That doesn't just apply to alcohol, you see it with smoking, weed, drug use, their relationships, family and friendships.

Louis has spoken about drinking in a range of situations and he has talked that about that as something he enjoys socially, and that sometimes he has a drink before/during a show because the ritual of it calms his nerves. I think Louis (and the others) have had plenty of experience with alcohol and drug use, and they've probably all used alcohol and drugs at times when that maybe hasn't been helpful for them. But all of that, every single decision they make, every single drink they have or line they snort or joint they smoke is not for fans to pass judgement on.

The other thing fans need to understand is how accessible drugs and alcohol are. In the UK as an average person, weed, coke and ket in particular are as accessible as vodka red bull. They're a pretty big part of pub/club/festival culture and tbh life. I think you would struggle harder to find someone in the UK who hasn't tried, or had a period where they used one of those with some regularity, than someone who hasn't. Now if seventeen year old me, working part time in Tesco in 2011 could access those like I could find an irn bru in Glasgow, then you have to amplify that by one thousand for nineteen year old Louis in this massive boyband and in the music industry. that is as true today as it was then. Alcohol and drug use is such a part of touring and music industry that you cannot de-link those, it is an incredibly stressful industry. On top of that, alcohol and drug use is more likely to turn into addiction where they are already dealing with trauma or mental health or any other vulnerabilities.

What I also want to be clear about is that I don't think we have enough to know if he has personally experienced addiction (though Louis has undoubtedly had experience of addiction with those around him both personally and professionally). I've not seen enough to suggest either way and I think it is daft to think we know enough to make that call, or that we should.

My biggest issue is, and will always be, that the approach fandom takes to alcohol and drug use, helps no-one. All it does is pass judgement which adds to existing stigma and shame, this idea that drinking or drug use is some horrible harmful choice leads to people feeling isolated, and that isolation deprives people of access to resources - how do fans think that this approach would support anyone? As usual though, my biggest concern is the other people who absorb this from fans and then internalise it and/or send it back out into the world.

So why do I think fans react this way? I think fans are projecting, I think fans would like to be able to control Louis' life and when they disagree with the way in which Louis is navigating his own life they use this 'concern' over his health or choices in a manner that is manipulative and shaming.

#have come back to edit my tags after reading Ralph’s bc I agree a lot #in the hopes of making some fans see this better too #among other things #I’ve done more than my fair share of coke #and there are plenty of ways that choice impacted #I don’t want to glamorise this at all #but #at no point would I consider myself to have had an addiction #I have plenty of experience with people who do #but part of the problem is looking at everything in such a black and white manner #it would be helpful if you could try to look at things not through this kind of judgemental lens where everything is healthy or unhealthy #if you can’t hold space for people to even talk about their drink or drug habits #how do you expect to support anyone? #without immediately passing judgement and berating them #anon #alcohol #addiction #drug use

[ohnoitstbskyen]

I know it would probably bring a lot of hate comments but I am begging you to roast the hazbin character designs because I'd love to have someone properly articulate why they don't work so I could send it to people who won't believe me when I tell them. 🫠 Understandable if you don't want to get into it though.

I don't think there's that much there to roast, honestly?

Those designs are clearly an extremely specific stylistic choice, and because that style is consistent throughout the show, it ultimately feels coherent with itself.

There are trade-offs being made. Because Hazbin's design style is SO stylized and so heavy on decoration and detailing, because it puts a lot of emphasis on costuming, it isn't as good at communicating specific character storytelling as a more grounded style could be (it's kind of the same tradeoff that stuff like Genshin Impact makes).

Like, why does Sir Pentious' hat have an eye and a mouth on it that makes its own expressions? Apparently not for very much reason at all, except that Pentious has a bit of an eyes-motif going on in his design and it was one more place to put an extra eye. And that's a valid criticism of his design, but also the entire show is designed like that, so frankly it would be weirder and more out of place if his design alone didn't have that kind of overelaborate decoration going on.

It does create a situation where I have a hard time "reading" the character designs sometimes. For example, Vox, Alastor and Pentious all wear a similar style of suit with upwards-turned shoulders, butterflies and pinstripes. Now, am I meant to read that as Vox imitating Alastor due to his crippling need to replace and outdo him, and Pentious imitating the style of powerful Overlords because he thinks that possessing their level of power will finally give him relief from his paranoia and self-loathing?

Or is it just a design fixation of the creator who keeps putting their characters in suits because that's just what they like? I can't really be sure, because sometimes design elements are used to intentionally tell stories about how characters relate to themselves, their world and one another, but plenty of other times designs look the way they do Because Of Vibes.

But again, that lack of clarity is clearly an intentional trade-off - and the benefit of that trade-off is a design style that is extremely varied, wild, expressive and memorable. Hazbin Hotel seems like a very easy show to draw fanart of, and a very fun show to draw fanart of. Those designs (especially the hyper-expressive faces) are begging to be the subjects of traumatic headcanons, unbearably cotton-candy soft fluff fantasies and weird, taboo, homoerotic power dynamics. Slaps roof of character design, this bad boy can express so much vicarious emotional intensity.

It's very exuberant, very excited about itself and very self-indulgent, it's a style that prioritizes visual impact and visual interest over readability (something which the animators of the show navigate with real skill, props to them) and individual aesthetics over worldbuilding.

And I don't blame anyone for being turned off by that (I certainly was the first time I started seeing those designs going around), but I would struggle to call the show's designs "bad" when they are clearly achieving exactly what they want to achieve.

I have some criticisms, especially re: how the show treats skinny bodies as an unquestioned, desirable default, and employs fatness as a means of alienating and abjecting the audience. That sucks very badly, and is a serious disappointment, and one of the few places where the show feels like it is being cowardly in its design philosophy. But I don't have it in me to do some kind of Hazbin Hotel Sucks And Here's Why takedown, its problems are not unique or extreme enough to warrant it, at least not as I currently understand them.

#tb answers #hazbin hotel #character design

[coldfanbou]

After Show Thanks

So initially, this was going to be a viviz fic that involved all the members but then it became more of a SinB fic. So I turned it into that, and this is the first part of a three-part series.

Length 2.7K

SinB x Mreader

”Come on! Let’s go!” Your eyes slowly open before you feel the impact of a soft pillow smacking you. You cover your head with your hands as the soft blows rain down upon you. “We’re going to be late!”

“Then stop smacking me!” You shout back, grabbing your pillow and tossing it toward that familiar voice. You hear your soft pillow smacking them and turn to face Eunha. You see your pillow come falling down after it’s caught her on the chin.

“Ack, you hit me!” Eunha pouts, and you can see the crocodile tears forming. You sigh softly and pull her in before she can start her routine. With your arms wrapped around her, you pull her onto the bed and pepper her with kisses. “Hey, stop it!’ She says, shaking her head back and forth as you continue your onslaught. “It’s our first day! We’re going to be late!” Eunha says as she tries to squirm her way out of your grip. You hug her tighter.

“Next time, wake me up normally, okay?” You say in more of a demanding voice than asking.

“Okay, okay!” Eunha shouts back. You slowly let her go, leaving her lying on the bed. Her chest heaves as she catches her breath. You get out of bed and start looking in the closet, deciding what to wear. Looking back at Eunha, she’s kicking her feet as she lies on the bed, waiting for you to choose something. “Can you hurry?” She says before slowly rising into a sitting position. You take your time choosing an outfit, knowing that Eunha wants to get there early. You would have enough time as long as nothing got in your way. You pick something simple, grab your bag, and head out with Eunha. She takes your hand as you walk, swinging back and forth as you head to her friend’s house. It was down the block, so it was no problem. “I hope she’s ready.”

“I’m sure she is barely getting up.” You reply.

Eunha smacks your arm and whines, “Don’t say that. We still have to figure out where our class is.” 

“I’m sure we’ll find it with plenty of time.” You start to lead Eunha, swinging your arm. The walk to Eunbi’s house doesn’t take much longer, and she’s stepping outside as you reach her home. “You’re actually ready by the time we’re here, SinB.” You say loudly. Eunbi looks in your direction and flips you off. It makes you chuckle. You notice her outfit: a tight-fitting crop top, jacket, a short skirt with fishnets and over-the-knee boots. “Oh, that’s right, you guys have a show today.” You say to Eunha.

“Yep, I wish SinB wouldn’t wear her concert outfit all day, though. It’ll ruin the surprise.” Eunha replies as she waves her friend over.

“I’m sure it’ll attract a lot of people to your show.”

“Yeah, but still.” Eunha looks a bit uncertain of SinB’s choice but pushes it out of her mind for the moment. The three of you continue walking until you reach the bus stop, grabbing a ride to the university and heading to the mathematics building. 

“I can’t believe we chose math as our first class of the day.” You complain, already regretting your decision to let Eunha plan your schedule. 

“I feel the same way,” SinB says, her shoulders falling. 

Eunha frowns upon hearing you both complain, “You’re the ones who were too lazy to help me figure out a good schedule.” She says in a huff. You lean in to kiss her on the cheek, forcing her to smile. “Don’t think that’ll make up for your complaining. I want you to come to our show.”

“I was already planning on it.” You quip back at her. “Oh, yeah, you mentioned you had a new person joining to replace your old drummer.” 

“Yep! She’s going by the name Umji.” Eunha chirps as she looks at the room numbers. “She happened to go to one of our last shows, and when she found out our drummer was leaving, she said she could do it.”

“Perfect timing, really,” SinB adds. “We got some new blood and creativity, so things are looking up for us. I think this is it.” She says, pointing out the class you all have. You step inside and take seats in the back of the class. SinB immediately lays her head on the desk. “I don’t want to be here anymore.” 

“We just got here!” Eunha says, slapping her back. “Come on, SinB, it’s the first day. You can’t be tired already.”

“Too late. I’m tired.” The response makes you chuckle, causing Eunha to slap your shoulder.  

“We have a show later; you can’t be tired!” EUnha whines while shaking SinB. You go along with Eunha, getting on SinB’s other side and shaking her. She tries to ignore both of you, but it’s difficult when the two of you begin to complain. More students start to pile into the room. Eunha perks up when she sees a particular woman walk into the room. “Oh! Umji! Over here!” The young woman turns in the direction she hears her name and sees Eunha waving her hand. A small smile crosses her face, and she walks over quickly. “I didn’t know you were taking this class, too.” You put your head down on your desk; Sinb does the same as Umji and Eunha start discussing their schedules. The class begins soon after, and Eunha tries to get you and SinB to focus. You notice Umji watching you all with a slight smile. You can feel her gaze remain on you for some time during class, and turn to look at her. When you do, she immediately faces the front, avoiding your eyes. 

You and SinB are both glad when the class ends, while Eunha and Umji continue to chat with each other. As your eyes reach them, you smile, happy to see Eunha make another friend. Eunha spots you looking at her and turns to face you. “Everyone, you’ll be happy to know that this was our only class for the day, so how about we head to the practice room? I set it up beforehand, so the instruments should be ready.” Umji and SinB nod in agreement, leaving you as the odd one out. With her eyes glued to you, Eunha says, “You can get us some food while we head over. Here.” Eunha pulls a marker from her bag and starts writing the room on your arm.

“Hey! Why are you writing on my arm of all places?” You say, pulling your arm away from her. Eunha’s grip tightens as she focuses on writing, her brows furrowing and her hand scribbles directions. 

“There.” She says with all the satisfaction she can muster. “Now there’s no way of you getting lost. Besides, we both know you would lose it if I wrote it down on paper.” Eunha turns around and points in the air, “Let’s go!” She cheers as she starts walking. “Get us the usual stuff,” Eunha shouts before chatting with SinB and Umji. The girls attract a lot of attention as they walk, mostly SinB, due to her outfit. You just sigh and head to the market, grabbing snacks and drinks. It doesn’t take long for you to grab everything and head over to the building; you wonder why they couldn’t have come along if everything was already set up. Heading toward the room, you overhear some yelling. It grows louder as you come up to the floor of the music room. 

In front of the music room is SinB and some man. The two are arguing over something, and you step in as it becomes more than just an argument. As he reaches for her, you announce your presence. “What’s going on here?” You ask loudly. You see SinB take a small breath of relief before she comes to your side. The man huffs and says they were just having a conversation before walking off in the other direction. Once he’s out of sight, you ask SinB if she’s alright.

She gives you a slight nod, “I’m alright. Let’s just head inside.” Eunha and Umji are in a recording booth, chatting. Through the glass panel, they spot you and SinB and open the door to the booth. 

Eunha sees the change in SinB’s attitude, “What’s wrong? Did something happen?” They hadn’t heard a thing from inside the booth. SinB shakes her head, not wanting to bring anything unnecessary to the group. Eunha isn’t convinced and drops the subject. The three of them continue to practice and record inside the booth, sometimes taking breaks to snack. They prepare themselves for the show once they’re satisfied with their sound. Eunha looks through her bag, pulling out her clothes, and stripping down in front of everyone. Umji’s eyes go wide, and she tries to cover Eunha’s body with her own before asking if she isn’t worried about you seeing her naked. This forces Eunha to explain your relationship and calms Umji down. From the other side of the glass, you laugh at the situation. 

“Aren’t you going to change Umji?” Umji points out that she doesn’t feel comfortable changing with you in the room. Eunha gives you a look that you immediately understand. You get up and wait outside the practice room. It takes forever, but you’re eventually allowed back inside. You see the group now in their performance outfits and smile. “We should take a picture!” Eunha says, bouncing slightly as she grabs her phone and brings it to you. “Take some good ones!” She heads back to the others, and you start snapping photos of them, taking a few pictures of each pose they strike. You hand back the phone when you're done. The girls look and choose their favorites as you gather everything and prepare to head out to the hall where they’re performing. Once the girls realize they begin helping you. Along the way, you hear Eunha and SinB whispering to each other, occasionally hearing them mention you. You turn to them when you hear your name, and they change the subject quickly. You don’t think about it too much and continue with them. Once at the music hall, you help them set up and take your place on the side. 

The hall fills with a healthy-sized crowd for them, and you enjoy the show they put on. You can tell they’re happy to be on stage singing for the crowd. The show goes without a hitch, and once the people leave, you pack everything up along with the members. Eunha taps your shoulder and tells you she left something in their dressing room. She asks you to get it, and you do. You look around the room for a few minutes, unable to find it, when SinB walks in. “Hey, can you help me look for something?” She stands there for a moment before stepping up to you and pushing you back onto a couch. “SinB now is not the time. Help me-” SinB presses her lips against yours as she straddles you. Her head tilts to the side before she breaks the kiss. “What are you doing?” You say, trying to get her off you. “What would Eunha say?”

“Relax, she gave me permission. This…This is my way of thanking you for earlier.” She says before leaning in for another kiss. She pulls down her tube top before grabbing your hands and placing them on her modest tits. She moans slightly, her voice escaping into the room. Once she breaks the kiss again, she stares at you. 

“What the hell do you mean?”

“Just shut up.” She replies. “Do you think I want to fuck you? I’d rather do it with someone else.” She says as she pulls your pants down enough to get your cock out. It’s semi-hard but still a good size. SinB struggles to wrap her hands around it but strokes it. You groan, and your cock becomes rock-hard. SinB reaches down and tears her fishnet along her inner thigh before turning around to sit on you with your cock between her thighs. “You better enjoy this.” She starts moving, lifting, and lowering herself while your cock is trapped between her thighs. You feel just how soft her skin is as SinB puts in the effort to rub her thighs together, adding more pleasure for you. You groan, beginning to enjoy the sensation. Your hands reach around SinB, reaching her breasts and squeezing them gently. Her soft moans become music to your ears. “Shit, I’m getting wet.” She mutters quietly. SinB adjusts herself, and you can feel the soft fabric of her panties move along your cock as she thrusts. You can feel her getting wet as she moves along your shaft. Kissing her neck, you tell her how much you’re enjoying it. “Yeah, well, you better. It’s- It’s the only time I’m doing this for you.” She replies, her moans occasionally stopping her. SinB squeezes her legs together and grits her teeth before letting out a loud cry. Your cock becomes covered in her nectar as she cums over your cock. Once her orgasm is over, SinB automatically leys back against you, catching her breath slowly. 

“You dick, you didn’t cum yet.” She grumbles before sitting up. “You’re really making me give it to you, huh?” SinB swings her legs around you, stopping once she’s straddled you again. She moves her panties to the side while using her other hand to rub your cock against her lips. SinB coos. She pauses, taking a deep breath before lowering herself onto your cock. You feel her pussy stretching as it takes more of you in. Her warm walls rub the head of your cock as it pushes deeper inside her. SinB whines, not used to your size but also not taking a moment to stop. She was determined to have you fully inside before she gave herself a break. SinB leans on your body, breathing heavily as she adjusts to your size. You enjoy the moment, feeling her walls squeeze your cock with every breath she takes. “Fuck, why are you so big?” She says, looking you in the eyes. Slowly she rises, taking a second to collect herself before dropping onto your cock. “Shit!” SinB shouts as you hit deep inside. She starts to move up and down slowly. You pull her in for a kiss; she gratefully accepts. The kiss distracts her, letting her body naturally take over as she speeds up. Your hands move to her waist, helping her ride you. SinB begins to moan louder and louder as she rides you. You can feel her tightening slowly. 

SinB holds you tightly as she kisses you. She yelps as you begin thrusting, feeling you go deeper into her cunt. “Wait, hold on,” SinB whines; she has her head to your side right by your ear.

“I thought you said this was going to be the only time. At least let me enjoy myself.” You say as you give her a soft spanking.

“Ah, okay, okay.” She whines, giving herself to you. SinB was surprisingly submissive. You found it pretty funny, the big difference between how she was acting. SinB’s moans grew higher as she neared her climax. Her constant bouncing edged her closer and closer. Your throbbing cock didn't help matters either SinB was getting turned on, feeling it move inside her. “Kiss me,” She said in a practically begging voice.

You give her the kiss she desires and push SinB over the edge as you drag her body onto your cock and bury yourself inside. Her muffled moan is still loud as she cums on your cock. Her eyes roll into the back of her head, and her body begins to go limp on top of yours. You quickly pull out of her before you cum and finish yourself off. Your cum spurts onto SinB’s stomach and skirt, painting her. 

Outside the room was Umji. SinB’s moans had gotten her attention, and she had peeked inside, shocked at what she saw. Umji couldn’t pull herself away; the sight and sounds turned her on. She found herself rubbing her slit through her clothes as she listened to you fucking SinB. Her mind began to put her in SinB’s place, imagining what it must’ve felt like before she snapped back to reality. Umji shook her head and decided to tell Eunha what she saw.

#kpop smut #male reader #m reader #gfriend smut #viviz smut #sinb smut

[slugtranslation-hypmic]

I Think Hypmic's Portrayal of Gender Roles is Kinda Refreshing: An Essay A.K.A. I'm Procrastinating on a Weekend Deadline :)

Hypmic's talking points on gender are hamfisted, corny, and melodramatic. "Maybe...we shouldn't have a wage gap," is not the hottest of takes. However, like most things in Hypmic, the writers have a lot more to say about gender and gender roles in the framing of the story itself that's much more nuanced. And honestly? It's kinda refreshing.

It's also something that went way over my head when I first became a Hypmic fan. Sure, I read manga and played Japanese video games--usually translated into English first--but I didn't have enough exposure to hundreds or thousands of pieces of untranslated Japanese media. I'm going to guess that most Hypmic fans don't either, which is totally fine and normal. We all exist within our respective cultural communities wherein we're bombarded with messages constantly telling us how to act, think, and speak. We tend to absorb these messages on subconscious levels and reflect them in the art we create and stories we tell, either by reinforcing them or challenging them. Thus, our stories don't exist in a vacuum, and divorcing stories from their cultural backgrounds can suggest the artist is the original thinker of a larger concept or hide their specific point of criticism. That is, if I wrote a story about a man who chooses to not catch fish, drink beer, and drive a Dodge Ram pick-up truck, we should be aware that I'm not the person who conceptualized the stereotype of dudes who catch fish, drink beer, and drive pick-ups. I wouldn't deserve the credit for dreaming up that exact image, and at the same time, it would be incorrect to read that as me targeting those three things randomly. The choice to not drive a Dodge Ram pick-up is not a commentary on Fiat Chrysler Automobiles. It's a stand-in for the notion of masculinity.

Thing is, we're hit with messages about masculinity, femininity, and other gender-related concepts on a daily basis. No matter where you live or what language you speak, every person on Earth is inundated with messages saying, "This is what you are, and consequently, this is how you should act." Our relation to these messages is complicated, and this complexity is compounded by different cultural communities preaching different messages in their stories, marketing, and human interactions. For instance, the US's massive global cultural influence means that those outside the US can still easily recognize what I mean by catching fish, drinking beer, and driving enormous American pick-up trucks. But the location and cultural differences may add or subtract nuances. A person living in, say, Munich is unlikely to have Dodge pick-ups advertised to them the way a person in rural Texas would. Our fictional Munich person does not feel the same social pressures to buy a Dodge and represent their masculinity with a Dodge the way our imaginary Texan would. In turn, the Munich person likely sees a Dodge with an element of absurdity--who the hell needs such a big truck in a European city?--and foreign Americanness. The Texan wouldn't have that concern--why worry about navigating your enormous truck down narrow streets when you live in the countryside?--and sees Americanness as their local default, thus removing any element of foreignness.

That is to say, gendered messages aimed at people (especially women) who live in Japan don't affect me the same way as they impact those who do live in Japan. Like, it's not my dog in the fight, and there are plenty of people who are directly affected who write their own stories and commentaries on gender roles in Japan. Japanese women don't need a random guy in the US to stand up and say, "Damn, your gender roles are fucked!" 1) They already know. 2) They're already saying it. So I come at this from an angle of someone who already has deep, primary frustration with the gendered messaging in my culture and secondary frustrations when similar messages appear in other cultures. I don't have a bone to pick with Japanese media in particular. Plain and simple, reading and working on hundreds of pieces of Japanese media is what I do for a living. It's in my face constantly, and as a result, I am also perpetually bombarded by messages about gender roles in Japanese media.

It's not a hot take to say that Japanese media, like the media of every single other culture around the globe, has a lot to say about gender. There's a lot of slotting people into boxes and telling people what to do. It's chafing, as we see all across history in art produced in reaction to gender roles. In the past couple of decades, global shifts in gender roles have caused media to shift the messages they're pushing, but it's not controversial to say that Japan has lagged behind other countries like the US.

Many, many stories push arbitrary notions of how to be a girl or how to be a boy that don't necessarily come from the author themselves. The authors probably aren't even fully conscious that they're making these choices. If an author writes a story about a library and makes every female character a romance fan and every male character an action fan, it's likely a reflection of endless messaging that says action is for boys, romance is for girls. In turn, this story becomes yet another reinforcing message. If no fictional girls like action, and no fictional boys like romance, it becomes alienating for real girls and boys who don't follow these same rules. These rules are everywhere and have so much to say about gender that it's hard to know where to begin. Girls must like cute things. Boys can't like sweet food. Women must not express sexual desire. Men can't be shy. On and on and on.

Which is why, when there's a relative lack of this in Hypmic, it's kind of a breath of fresh air.

Wrong Ways to Be a Man

Actually, Hypmic does have a few moments where characters claim there are certain things men or women should do, but the writing always frames these messages as incorrect.

Take Samatoki, for instance. After Kuukou and Sasara leave MCD, Samatoki tells Ichirou, "Men shouldn't cry when they lose their friends. Men should only cry when they lose a family member."

(TDD chapter 10)

This line usually appears via Ichirou's perspective. In the stage play, it's told during a song Ichirou narrates, and as shown above in panel 3, the manga frames the line from the angle at which Ichirou sees it. In such moments, the audience is meant to read this as a cool line from a strong mentor figure to Ichirou. That's how Ichirou sees it, and he's a seventeen-year-old with too much on his shoulders who idolizes Samatoki. He is incapable of seeing how much pain Samatoki struggles with.

However, when the manga focuses on more intimate moments of Samatoki's life, we see that Samatoki does struggle quite a lot.

(BB/MTC+ chapter 6)

This isn't a cool, attractive figure meant to be idolized. While Samatoki's cigarette usage and aggressiveness are often framed as sexy or enticing, the juxtaposition with dirty laundry, overflowing ashtrays, and empty bottles make him a sympathetic and struggling figure. Therefore, we should understand that his notion that men don't cry is flawed. It's a means to distract himself from emotions he doesn't want to feel.

Later, as Samatoki begins to process his emotions and open up to his teammates, the unhealthy coping mechanisms recede. Samatoki is more confident, mature, and happier as a result of being more emotionally vulnerable.

We see a similar transformation with Kuukou. As a teen, Kuukou is reluctant to accept help or truly let anyone in. In a conversation with Hitoya, he says (and I am still completely unable to take this seriously), "A man's got to wipe his own ass."

(DH/BAT chapter 4)

However, over the course of his character arc, Kuukou learns that he cannot exist as a good leader or individual without the teamwork of his newfound "family." Only rejecting this classical and toxic notion of masculinity brings Kuukou joy.

In fact, most of the first-line characters have very similar arcs. At the start of the story, Ichirou is insistent on doing everything himself. He has to learn to be able to rely on other people (Kuukou, Samatoki, Ichirou and Jirou) to be happier and unlock his true strength. See below, his final attack and Ability use in the 2nd DRB, which is only possible when his brothers figuratively and literally support him through it.

(BB/MTC+ chapter 25)

Sasara struggles with emotional honesty and trust in favor of using humor to gloss over discomfort. It takes multiple heart-to-hearts with Roshou before he can let humor take a backseat and say how he really feels. Ramuda has difficulty trusting other people and being honest with his emotions when faced with stressful scenarios. Only through Fling Posse is he able to open up and ask for help instead of driving people away when the problems are too big for him to face alone. Jakurai struggles to connect with other people, work through and acknowledge his complicated feelings, and not place himself on a pedestal. Through Matenrou, Jakurai is able to ask for help, be more open, and ultimately be less hard on himself.

The second- and third-line characters follow similar arcs, and this repetition creates a core message for Hypmic: Trust and rely other people. Be open with your feelings. There's a wrong way to be a man, and that's to hurt yourself and other people.

Right Ways to Be a Man...Are Infinite!

But with that being said, there is a surprising lack of commentary on how else to be a man. Hypmic as a whole doesn't do much to constrain the male characters in terms of gender roles.

Sure, some characters do fit into more traditionally masculine roles--Ichirou, Samatoki, Riou, etc. The messaging makes it clear that it isn't wrong to play into masculinity provided it doesn't become toxic. (See above.)

Even then, however, these especially masculine characters are associated with less masculine traits that are either portrayed positively or not portrayed as a joke. Riou is an avid cook, but the joke is never that he wears an apron and knows his way around an outdoor kitchen (tee-hee, men don't cook!). It's that he cooks with horrifying ingredients. Samatoki is a fashionista, but the joke is framed as a counterpart to Ichirou's nerdiness.

(DoD chapter 1)

Here, it's funny that neither of them can shut up (the ペラペラ/blah blah SFX, the long bubbles filled with lots of text that's cut to indicate they kept going for longer), but the object of their attention--a model toy and a pair of jeans--are treated in the same neutral light. It's very common for stories to touch on, even defensively, the social taboo of men being into clothes. Hypmic doesn't even acknowledge that such a taboo could exist.

This is subtle but extraordinarily effective in giving characters the same consideration and weight. The more feminine characters are always treated just as sincerely (or, if there's a joke to be made, irreverently) as the more masculine characters. Take Ramuda, for instance. In Japanese media, a love of sweets is often characterized as feminine and will often be remarked upon, even in LGBT+ media, as atypical for men. Again, there's zero acknowledgement of such a thing in Hypmic. Whenever other characters talk about Ramuda's food intake, it's always framed as a concern about the lack of nutrition.

(FP/M chapter 11... I don't have the source lying around on my computer, so here's the old-ass scanlation lol)

It's also given the exact same weight as anyone else's junk food habits. Here, MCD goes out for burgers (a neutral to masculine-coded food due to the meat and high calorie count) while Ramuda opts to try a sugary Starbucks-esque drink. The parallelism in the comic's framing suggests that the two objects are functionally the same, and there is no comment that a sugary drink is feminine and therefore "inappropriate" for Ramuda. There's also no indication that MCD's preferences are in any way better. They simply happen to be the characters' personal preferences. The punchline is two groups splitting up, only to awkwardly run into each other again moments later.

(DoD volume 4 bonus comic)

Similarly, Ramuda's interest in clothes or fashion is never treated negatively--in fact, the discussions of clothes as a means to find identity and happiness make it a positive!

In ARB cards and promotional materials, Ramuda sometimes wears dresses. It's, again, portrayed in parallel to other characters wearing more masculine clothes and is never commented on as something "unusual." It's just who Ramuda is.

Hifumi is another interesting case. Like Ramuda, his playful personality often doesn't as stereotypically masculine. (To be clear, I read much of this as "gender neutral with a strong emphasis on youth" versus "feminine" in a way that I'm not sure has a good US equivalent...metrosexual/yuppie men's fashion, maybe? In the sense that it's a youth subculture that defies some masculine gender roles but is still focused mainly on men. I wish I was more well-versed in Japanese men's fashion and could give an exact term, but I'm what I'm thinking of is definitely an established thing--young, trendy dudes whose styles focus on poppiness vs. the rugged manly man or "idk, I'm just some guy" subcultures. It's a thing that pisses off old Japanese conservative men in the same fashion as people getting up in arms about "the gayz!!!1!" and their androgynous clothing lol.) Their personalities are often the butt of jokes, but only in the same way that Dice or Doppo are--that is, that they're exaggerated and over the top. There's no commentary on masculinity or lack thereof.

There are also moments when Hifumi, Gentarou, or other characters play feminine characters in roleplay moments, which is usually (but not always) not the sole joke. The audience is supposed to find it funny, but the humor is almost always centered on the absurdity of the scene as a whole. For instance, in a moment where Hifumi and Doppo are pretending to be two drunk karaoke-goers, the humor comes from the composite set-up of Hifumi's hair twirl, Doppo's untucked shirt and tie, Doppo and Hifumi's exaggeratedly flirtatious poses, the spotlights and sparkles, and the same font as used on classic karaoke machines.

(FP/M+ September 2022 oneshot)

Hifumi and Doppo do not perform traditional gender roles in their homelife, and while it's easy to see and often commented on in the English-speaking fanbase when it comes to Hifumi, I find it just as prevalent on Doppo. It's true that Hifumi is taking a feminine role by doing the majority of the household's cooking and cleaning, but if we were to assume Doppo has the masculine role in the household, he would have the breadwinner duty. However, he isn't the main source of income for their household, and he's just as unassertive in finding a (female) romantic partner as Hifumi is. Japanese men are bombarded with media messages stressing the importance of taking an active role in career and romance. That Doppo does not would, in many stories, make him the butt of a joke for not living up to masculine gender roles. But he isn't; instead, Hypmic portrays him as a sympathetic character. It's tough, Hypmic says, for people to get good jobs and maintain friendships/relationships as an adult.

Similarly, it's noteworthy that Hifumi's self-appointed term "Gigolo" is consistently portrayed as a good thing in Hypmic. The meaning of the English term aside, the Japanese word ジゴロ (jigoro) is almost always used as an insult for a man who is financially dependent on one or multiple women. In the strictest sense of the term, Hifumi is a jigoro in that his income derives from his female clients. However, there is never any shame associated with that, and as a whole, Hifumi's career as a host is shown to be a positive thing. I can't express enough how rare that is in any sort of semi-serious media. Certainly, Hypmic acknowledges that his job requires too much drinking (Doppo's verse in Hoodstar), but the overall portrayal is overwhelmingly positive. Hifumi and his coworkers are never treated as uneducated, boorish, or pathetic for "failing" to find other work that does not require flirting with and entertaining women. (This is partially due to the overlapping judgment with sex work.)

All the various harmless preferences and personality traits of the male characters are treated equally with no judgement over what's masculine or non-masculine. Within the broader context of Japanese media, this absence of judgment stands out and reinforces one of Hypmic's core themes: Differences make us better, not worse. In the end, Hypmic suggests, there's no one right way to be a man.

Right Ways to Be a Woman...Are Just as Infinite!

But what about women? This series is, after all, marketed mainly towards women, and while female audience members can no doubt extrapolate the lessons learned from the male characters, it's worth taking a look at the female characters too.

The female characters do receive much less screen time than the men and are not the focus in the series; I'd argue that's less an issue of overt sexism and more that they fall out of focus in the story the writers want to tell. (There's a broader discussion to be had about inherent sexism in the writers' focus which goes hand-in-hand with rap industries across the globe favoring men and rap being an example of exaggerated masculinity, but that's a topic for another day.)

Even so, the framing of the female characters is interesting in a couple key respects. The individual character arcs and motivations of the main female characters are, in my opinion, some of the weakest parts of Hypmic--many times, Otome and Ichijiku do things because the plot demands them to, making them look incompetent or needlessly cruel for characters we're supposed to sympathize with. Nemu's story seems to be handled with more care and takes an interesting twist, wherein she openly acknowledges that she's disenfranchised as a woman in modern Japan but rejects the notion that she needs to find strength on either Ichirou or Samatoki's (male) terms. By choosing to be strong in "her own way" (whatever that means...it's not well-defined), the authors are using Nemu to reject the notion that strength and power are inherently masculine.

What I find to be far more interesting is the character design for the Chuuouku women, both in what is said and what is not said.

To begin with, the characters and their portrayals run the gambit from highly sexualized to completely non-sexual. Some characters (especially Ichijku and Honobono) have conventionally attractive, curvy body types and are often drawn in ways that highlight their bodies.

(FP/M+ chapter 4)

(FP/M+ chapter 14)

In some cases, especially Honobono's, the enticing nature of the illustrations is framed as the character's choice; in the above, her words indicate that she wants to seduce the off-screen listeners. The images included above are largely representative of these characters' raps, regardless of illustrator.

But on the flip side, other characters with large breasts or hips are never drawn in a sexual fashion. By way of comparison, here are two shots of Nemu rapping.

(BB/MTC+ chapter 12)

Even in shots with dynamic poses, no attention is drawn to Nemu's figure in any sort of provocative sense. Nemu touches her chest, drawing the reader's eye there, but the artist does not emphasize the size of her chest--they're allowing a chest touch to be no more than an emphasis of the self. At the same time, Nemu's body isn't downplayed. We can see in panel 2 on page 2 that Nemu has a small waist and wider hips, but once again, she isn't being sexualized. The action lines draw the reader's eye to Samatoki and thus put the action first and foremost. This creates the idea that not only can characters portray themselves sexually, but they can just as easily choose not to.

We see similar with Otome, who does not wear any sort of revealing clothing and is never shown in a sexual fashion. However, Hypmic doesn't equate revealing clothing to sexual portrayals either! While I wouldn't call Tsumabira's outfit revealing, she does have more visible cleavage than most Chuuouku figures. However, her bare chest is never sexualized like Ichijiku's.

(BB/MTC+ chapter 4)

Compare the non-emphasis on the chest and the power stance to any of the many shots of Ichijuku where her breasts are front and center in the camera. Speaking of power stance, Tsumabira remains confident in her power stance without being sexy--that is, no stepping on the camera and showing her whole leg.

Which isn't to say that Tsumabira is a sexless character. She's drawn visibly turned on by the male characters in such a way that is cartoonish but not, in turn, overly sexual. Were this supposed to be titillating to the reader, I would have expected to see a larger close-up on her face and tongue. However, the artist (who is no stranger to focusing on tongues!) devotes the majority of the panel to Tsumabira's body language (which, again, doesn't absurdly exaggerate any of her proportions or focus on her chest) and covers part of the mouth with text bubbles. Tsumabira is drawn as engaging in sexual behavior without being sexualized for reader entertainment.

(FP/M+ chapter 4)

The juxtaposition of such different views with little to no judgement attached to any of them suggests that it's perfectly okay to want to be sexy or not, to wear revealing clothing or not, to be involved in sexual situations without being the object of sexual interest, or to simply exist with an attractive body type without sex ever coming into the equation. Just as some characters choose to tie bodies to sexiness, some don't whatsoever--and either is perfectly fine!

The former idea ("I can choose to be sexy") may not sound especially revolutionary to US audiences, where sexuality is thrust upon women willingly or otherwise, but I find it fascinating because it lets the main characters embrace this idea without associated slut shaming. So much of Japanese media insists that women should be sexy but are also wrong for wanting to indulge in their own sexuality. Therefore, having characters who run virtually every iteration of take on the topic (I want to engage in sexuality and be sexualized, I want to engage in sexuality without being sexualized, I don't want to engage in either) with multiple body types (ie, Tsumabira isn't automatically not sexualized because she has a smaller chest; Nemu isn't automatically sexualized because she has a bigger chest) and no judgement involved feels like another breath of fresh air to me.

As a whole, I find the diversity of the Chuuouku uniforms and character appearances quite interesting. They're undeniably all feminine and relatively militaristic, but different characters wear entirely different wardrobes. Skirts vs pants, blouses vs dresses, high heels vs boots... Since every character has her own take on the common theme, it once again feeds into the idea that each character is her own individual and perfectly valid for defining femininity in her own way.

Haircuts, too, range from longer and more feminine hairstyles to pixie cut-esque looks.

(BB/MTC+ chapter 16)

Again, nothing of the framing suggests this short-haired woman is in any way different from her longer-haired counterparts on the edges of this screenshot.

Finally, while most Chuuouku women are conventionally attractive, I find it extremely compelling that Haebaru is a stereotype of an unattractive Japanese woman. To be extremely clear, I do not think these stereotypes should have weight, but the combination of chubby and/or muscular build, freckles, rounded nose, and non-glossy hair is often used as a visual shorthand for unattractive or otherwise undesirable women.

Sure, it's not fantastic that Haebaru is a scheming, two-bit villain. However, so is virtually every other female character in the series, and in particular, Haebaru is (the conventionally attractive) Tsumabira's counterpart. Both are treated with the same respect or lack thereof, suggesting that one's appearance has nothing to do with your ability to be a no-good baddie. Ha ha ha.

It would be lovely if the female characters were fleshed out further and given intelligent choices and diversity outside of the realms of physical appearance. However, I do think the writers' choices are limited by virtue of all women automatically being antagonistic side characters (which, again, is another discussion altogether). What the writers can and have accomplished is further reinforcing a celebration of differences. Just as there's no one right way to be a man, there's an infinite number of ways to be a scheming snake of a woman HAHA.

Intersection with LGBT+ Topics

Unfortunately, this is a very binary look at gender and gender roles, which, while largely representative of the current state of Japanese media, can be disappointing.

Hypmic appears to want to steer shy of LGBT+ topics as a whole, which is a bit of a shame. In a story so focused on gender and acceptance of diversity, it seems the natural next step to explore the notion of those who experiences don't align with a strict gender binary. Such stories are growing in popularity in Japanese media but have yet to be anywhere near the mainstream acceptance in US media (which is still in a fledgling stage at best). I would imagine Hypmic's writers are unable or unwilling to take a definite stance on these topics in the work due to fears of financial or career backlash. If nothing else, the sexuality of the main characters needs to remain in a limbo in order to have plausible deniability for both self-shipping and shipping with other characters. (Some deniability may be more plausible than others.)

The few instances in which Hypmic does wander into this territory are usually clumsy. I am no fan of the handful of scenes where male/male attraction is supposed to be funny purely by virtue of being male/male.

The inclusion of Urumi, the one minor character explicitly LGBT+, is not stellar either. I am hesitant to apply any definite label to her, as the real-life people her stereotype portrays self-identify as everything from trans women to cis men--or refuse to use these English labels at all! Still, we know from her profession (proprietor of a bar heavily implied to be a gay bar by the neighborhood it's in), appearance (poofy permed hair, exaggerated make-up), and demeanor (feminine speech style, a bit flirtatious) that she's AMAB and choosing to present herself in a feminine fashion. By writing Jirou to ask, "Aren't you a man?" in an exasperated fashion, the writers have put her gender presentation in a boke role--suggesting she's over-the-top, exaggerated, comedic. It's not great. I completely understand why readers find it offensive (and it is) even while I don't think the writers intended it that way. Ultimately, it would have been great to see other explicitly LGBT+ characters portrayed without the joking angle.

With that said, I'm not entirely unhappy with her character. She is a stereotype, but the authors have chosen to take only the visual elements of the stereotype and leave the rest on the cutting room floor. In other works of fiction, characters like Urumi are often hypersexual to the point of being in-universe creepy, especially towards underage boys. Other times, characters like her may be eccentric or off-putting in other ways. However, that's not at all the case here. Urumi seems to play a helpful big sister/aunt role in Jirou's life, and he's clearly comfortable enough with her to spend the night at her bar.

(BB/MTC+ chapter 17. "Sorry, but can I shack up here again tonight?" "Of course you can.")

While she seems to engage in some sort of a bohemian lifestyle, as evidenced by the alcohol and smoking, it isn't anything outside of what many of the other characters do. Additionally, while she isn't drawn in a flattering fashion in scenes where she's playing up her persona (which is par for the course with any character in this series, regardless of gender), there are plenty of neutral shots of her being serious. Finally, the art is never outright rude--that is, she isn't drawn exaggeratedly masculine or flamboyantly...snakey? I don't know how to describe this to anyone who's lucky enough to have never seen this--clearly LGBT+ AMAB characters drawn with noodly limbs and huge, overblown lips winding around male characters.

Maybe because I see so much worse continuing to be produced in this day and age, I feel like Hypmic could have done a much, much worse job with this character. She overall plays a positive role and is treated with much the same care as other side characters. It's unfortunate, then, that the writers have chosen to make her gender presentation the subject of a joke.

In other frustrations, I heavily dislike the unnecessary gender divide in background characters. All punks and other background baddies are male, whereas all adoring fans are female. (But Rhyme Anima has done an interesting job of subverting this!) The vast majority of other background figures fall into strict gender roles, which is likewise disappointing. It appears that diversity may be an accepted trait for none but a lucky few that form the main Hypmic cast.

All in all, I don't think Hypmic's portrayal of gender roles is groundbreaking, nor do I think it's fair to suggest that all Japanese pop culture plays into strict gender roles. There are certainly many Japanese works, popular or otherwise, with much more interesting things to say about gender. However, when compared to the vast majority of the titles that cross my desk on a regular basis, I notice and appreciate the level of care put in to Hypmic's commentary on gender roles. The work consistently reinforces the notion that it's okay to be your own individual, no matter how that plays into your gender, and I find that freeing. That's a message we could all do to hear more often, regardless of culture and language.

TL;DR: Oh no, my rapidly approaching deadline. :)

#not a translation #analysis asks

[danielcalmdown]

Here's a few thoughts i have about Disco Elysium and it's lack of philosophical approach towards Harry's experiences. (Not to mistake it with psychology. There is plenty of that in Disco and the characters and ideologies are pulled apart in many fun ways.)

Explanation below the cut, so it's not a long-ass post.

So, Harry is very much suffering. He says "I am in pain. I have no idea how to get better, I'm about to fucking give up." What he gets as response, from his own mind and other people, is things like: "Get your shit together. You have to go through this hell. It will be awful, depressing and boring. Forget her. Stay strong, don't give up, you will eventually feel better. This is how normal people live. Do it for the (...)." This is encouragement. What it does is it keeps him on his feet and helps him move forward. But it's the only type of response he ever gets. What it doesn't do is challenge how he experiences his life in the first place. There is not a single sentence, a thought, any kind of spark in the game that would begin some sort of reform within him. He's the same sad, old Harry utill the end. The rest is accessories.

Beyond that, the gameplay is screaming at you: SEIZE THE MOMENT! There is so much work put into describing things happening around Harry. And so much fondness towards that world. But it's just there, next to him and his pain. Beautiful and worth living for, but it's not used to reveal anything that would inspire him to change. Something about humanity, the meaning of his suffering, maybe a hint about that hole in the world. Yknow, philosophical stuff. Even the miracle of the story, the phasmid, answers Harry's most existential question with "I don’t know, nobody knows." It's not there to guide him away from the vicious circle he's stuck in. It's more like a pat on the back. "Look, something incredible happened today! Life can be great sometimes." Here are a few statements meant by the game to be impactful: "Something beautiful is going to happen", "The night is always darkest before the dawn", "One day, i will return to your side", "The road to healing is going to be a long one. You will make it, some day." They sound like coping mechanism. They are motivational, hopeful, but don't speak about reality. "I'm suffering RIGHT NOW. The world and my head are still fucking broken. Heelp!" Harry cries out. "Hope for a better future. Go for a run. Focus on your job, get a hobby, take your mind off the pain." Try to be happier while remaining the same. Switch alcohol and drugs for non destructive activities to help you endure through that persisting pain. Look out of the window each morning, wait for that special thing to happen. And when it happens? The core stays unmoved. You don't even know what it is about you, where lies the first mistake. You learned nothing new about yourself.

I think all of this fits with the creators' views, which are sparsely hinted at throughout the game. "God is indifferent. This is our curse", "The world is inherently meaningless", "True love is possible in the next world, for new people, it's too late for us." Maybe that's why the game didn't allow Harry to change, because it doesn't believe there is anything out there that could help him. He's a human, therefore he has no choice but to think and suffer exactly the way he does. So yeah, that's my thoughts on it. Feel free to comment, disagree and enlighten me if you think i'm wrong. I'm always open to change my mind.

#disco elysium #english is not my first language so sorry for any awkward thingies dingies #i know the game is about politics and everything is a political allegory #and politics can save the world but I disagree #you can't do good politics without good philosophy #philosophy is loove philosophy is lyyfe

[pearikp]

It's said that the only way to access Mhin's red choice is by choosing the Alchemist background, and that fact alone has me thinking about how the origin stories will actually impact the course of the game at full release. I wouldn't assume that you have to choose a certain origin to get a "good" or "bad" ending for a specific character, but (as stated by RSS directly) different origin stories will allow the main character to connect differently with each of the main five love interests.

Obviously, this isn't revolutionary, but I wanted to touch on which origins I think will be best suited for each route, based solely on scraps from the demo lol

For Kuras, I think the Alchemist and the Unnamed suit him the best. The former really comes from the fact that Ais' relationship chart suggests Kuras likes to ramble about alchemy, and because it has a lot to do with his role as a doctor, I would assume it opens up a lot of opportunities for him to connect with the Alchemist MC. I am more convinced of the latter based on the actual content of the demo. If you played the Unnamed origin, you may remember when the MC states that something about Kuras "nags" at them, "like a half-formed memory". This small line can obviously allude to Kuras not being human (and the Unnamed MC can pick up on it because of their sensitivity to the supernatural), or it could also imply that maybe this background gives the MC and Kuras a deeper sort of association with one another. I also encourage you to consider the dynamic of an excommunicated oracle in love with an excommunicated divine eldritch being.

It shocks no one that the Alchemist is probably the best route for Leander, and I maybe want to say the Hound could possibly be a good option in the future. The Alchemist can pinpoint exactly what about Leander's magic abilities makes him powerful, and obviously, this mutual connection will probably allow for plenty of unique interactions in his route. Sit on the fact that the MC had been mentored (manipulated) by an ex-Senobium mage, only to fall right back into the hands of another (pseudo-Senobium-affiliated) mage with sketchy intentions and big secrets... hmmm interestinggg... As for the Hound, I realize (admittedly upon limited playthroughs with this origin), that the dialogue never really changes for Leander's scenes. However, he is still an enigmatic socialite running a cult-gang, so surely the Hound will have some unique thoughts on Leander in his route and may eventually be able to see through this "nice guy" facade that Vere is so insistent he's parading around with? Just a thought.

As for my thoughts on Vere, I somehow have many and none at the same time. The one I'm pretty certain about is the Alchemist because they have unique dialogue acknowledging that Vere's collar is enchanted. I think the Hound may also work with his route, but I'm only basing that on the unique dialogue after the first encounter with Vere, wondering how he managed to pickpocket them without a sign, tell, or slip-up. The Hound has good social intuition, which is at least somewhat useful in dealing with Vere and his contradictory personality.

Ais comes naturally to the Unnamed, having an abundance of unique lines towards him more than the other characters. Not only does the Unnamed MC feel uneasy and hear unnatural sounds leading up to the Seaspring, but they also are the only one out of the three origins who has a distinct connection to "groupminds". The main character also notes that his tattoo (relating to Ocudeus) almost looks like it's moving. Similarly to Kuras, I like to think of the dynamic between a runaway ex-oracle crossing paths with a demonic being with cult-like worshipers... I predict the Hound will also suit Ais' route, based on how extensive their unique dialogue of Ais' natural leadership skills is. This origin is also the only one that actually details why his "gang leader" status contradicting the lack of an actual gang is so strange. The Hound comes from a more directly rugged life, and Ais takes an interest in the MC being feisty and defiant, so I'd guess that'll come into play somehow.

Back to square one on this whole overexplained talking point, Mhin obviously has some special connection to the Alchemist (or vice versa), if it wasn't obvious by the fact that Mhin's only red choice in the demo so far is only available with the Alchemist background. I think the Alchemist's unique connection to the Senobium through their mentor may come up, as Mhin's bio page says that they like the Senobium. The bio page also says they enjoy conducting alchemical experiments, which will connect the two even more. Once again, I think the Hound will also suit Mhin's route, based on little evidence and mostly just because Mhin and the Hound have similar vibes.

All of that said, I want to reiterate that I'm not under the impression that one origin will give you better or worse endings than the others, but rather unique choices and extra details based on their strengths. Regardless of how well one origin pairs with a LI, I will still probably be playing through each route with my own biased favorite (the Unnamed, if you were curious (I know you were not)). At the end of the day, it allows us to replay the game over and over to see what special changes and choices are available, so that will be very exciting.

#touchstarved game #touchstarved #touchstarved kuras #touchstarved leander #touchstarved vere #touchstarved ais #touchstarved mhin

[mudkirby]

Pebbles In order of appearance.

@druidshollow lore lore lore Dune lore lore

@flickering-nightfall whole reason I draw Pebbles the way I do since first exposure

@toxictoxicities b u f f

@dennis7231 still waiting on them dropwigs >:)

@weepinglilvessel ant snooooot

@mudkirby me :> 🔫

@shkika love your Suns

@northflowerowo Sorry I shoved him so far down lol

Honourable mentions/ shout outs: @trashiiplant Howwow Knight and Wainwowld :D

@kelnexia is lurking.

@daszombes Thank you for explaining lore, giving us peak story telling and characters to simp for in the form of the Iterator Logs. What? No Pebbles? Don't care. You're on here now.

Druid's Hollow, the first time I ever saw your YouTube channel was with the Distant Frontier video after just having gotten into Iterator Logs. One of the most pivotal pieces of media you've made in my life was God- Jake Daniels. That single video alone gave me the push I needed to make my first Rainworld oc Parting Clouds. The stories surrounding your characters (and Dune) are creative beyond my ability to write stories. Keep up your top tier memery.

Flickering Nightfall, I'ma put this in a nutshell. Duckdance. After that I found your blog via Google before I made a Tumblr and became enthralled by your content. From something as obscure to me as Infinity Train to Pebbles ragdolling, you were essentially my gateway into liking Iterators. I love the purple. I need moar.

Vic, b u f f I haven't known your blog long and was introduced to you through the My Goodbye animation. Since I was sort of entirely new to Rainworld at that point, I had no idea what was happening. I just saw a well drawn thing and went "oooooo". I'm all for Suns' antenna twitches and NSH box head. Also, body pillow 💀

Dennis, one of the first blogs I found when I first started Tumblr. I found you through the @iterator-ask-blog and found bullying Pebbles hilarious. I love the way you draw the yellow things on his head and I just appreciate that you do digital in general. I do not, will not and proceeds to die if I must. I've seen quick progress with your art style as well. Keep going.

Vessel, I barely know you. Who da heck are ye? I saw your art style once and knew I needed to follow. The way you draw Pebbles and Moon are so satisfying to stare at for minutes and I had way too much fun replicating that s n o o t. I don't know what you're up to with them aside from chaos. Murky Seas' story and design are fantastic. RIP

Shkika, I only found you through the @ask-looks-to-the-moon blog and love the way you draw the Iterators. It's very stylistic without straying too far. The three fingered hands to the goofy faces Moon expresses makes me smile. B a l l s. My Suns design was more so inspired by the way you make him as you were somehow the first Suns exposure. You're the only reason I can't see him without fluff. How did you make Pebbles cute kavvkatkcfadal

Northflowo, way back in 2022 in my first exposure to Hollow Knight, I found your channel through the Baby Mantis skin video with Nosk along with the lore in a nutshell video. Any other content I saw I forgor. In any case, your channel was there in my search for knowledge on that game. Fast-forward to the near conclusion of 2023 when I was first introduced to Rainworld. In my hunt for memes and more knowledge, I found the other lore in a nutshell video and realized you were the perfect channel for me as you had plenty of other content on that subject. Your art still manages to astound me, especially with the shot you did in the map Pliocene and the Warrior Cats redraws like with the waterfall. I'm trash at drawing backgrounds and might learn something from you.

And of great importance to me, @bornt-urnge/@zigmatism

@kitterjitters /@offended-dragon

Thank you for every moment of drawing from Pokemon to Kirby to Mire (oc) and anything else. You have made some of the largest impacts on my life, drawing, game choices and I've enjoyed every moment. I want to have more ridiculous sessions like that in the future and look forward to it.

Some of you have been around in my life for some time and others I've just found. All the same, every single art piece you've made has inspired me no matter how polished, memed or "trash". All of you have made an impact on me, no matter how miniscule. I look forward to the future with anticipation for all of your art. Have a terrific year, and with my deepest gratitude, thank you. Thank you for being here. Thank you for reading this.

#rain world #iterator #five pebbles #fp rw #art #me when when uhhh me theeeeee uuhhh umm me when the #adhd/add #man #pinned post #mud rants #i wrote this at like 1 am #i felt really generous #looking at it now i regret nothing #at least 1 am me was licid enough to make this good

[athina-blaine]

kb/ms is truly transcendental yaoi, spectacular, amazing, 10/10, no notes ... from the perspective of a mithrun enjoyer

as a kabru enjoyer, however...

I'll start off by saying that of course Kabru doesn't want or need a romantic relationship to be fulfilled, especially not with a white man, none of them do, it's all non-canon, Dungeon Meshi isn't about romance or shipping, yes yes yes, but none of us are here for that right now!! We're here to fruitlessly argue why my blorbos kissing makes more sense than your blorbos kissing!! You know it, I know it, none of us are free of cringe!! Clown on clown violence!!

That being said ... 🤡

I just don't see what Kabru gets out of kb/ms. With Mithrun, it makes sense; Kabru has a huge impact on him and ultimately helps him reaffirm his will to live. That's very exquisite drama and excellent character writing. But with Kabru, I just don't feel that Mithrun's character interacts with his personal flaws and would instigate his growth anywhere close to the same degree. I have to imagine most fics involving them focus more on Mithrun's baggage and how Kabru helps him heal from that ... because that's mostly all that happens between them in the main story, lol!

And like, that makes sense, because ultimately chapters 61-62 aren't about Kabru and Mithrun; they're about Kabru working through his conflicted feelings in helping Laios conquer the dungeon. I think it's ironic seeing people complain about kb/ms having Kabru be Mithrun's accessory when, if anything, Mithrun's main narrative purpose, outside of illustrating the danger of the Winged Lion, is to serve as Kabru's obstacle. I'd even argue Mithrun represents Kabru's personal bad ending; Mithrun wants him to kill Laios and surrender the dungeon to the canaries, preventing the short-lived races from ever understanding how dungeons function and returning to the status quo that had gotten Utaya destroyed. It's only when Laios practically forces Kabru, straight up puts his thumbs to the screws, to work past his reticence and be emotionally vulnerable that Kabru finally puts himself on the right path to achieve his goals (it's, uh, still a bit of a bumpy ride, but they get there in the end, lol!). If he'd been this way with Laios from the beginning, he might have understood Laios' intentions from the start and saved himself a lot of pain, but it's only because of Laios' influence that Kabru is able to grow as a character and get his happy ending.

(And even if one were a Mithrun enjoyer, ultimately the main source of Mithrun's life affirmation comes from the canaries. In that final scene, Kabru gets the ball rolling because he's outside of the canary hierarchy, but the scene ends with Mithrun being embraced by the canaries and as far as I'm aware the two don't interact with or reference each other post canon at all. Hell, it's Senshi who really drives the point home. Not that it matters when we're all wearing shipping goggles here, but it felt remiss not to mention it.)

At most, I can see how taking care of Mithrun would force Kabru to reexamine how poorly he takes care of his own body and that could make for some good drama. But even then, that change is ultimately instigated by Laios' influence on him, an extension of how Kabru wants to understand how Laios can see the value in monsters in an attempt to better understand his own trauma. If a person were to get into Dungeon Meshi specifically for Kabru and wanted to ship him with someone in a way that's most interesting for him, I'd be hard-pressed to argue there's a better choice than Laios (although who'd be cringe enough to do something like that haha right guys ... [sweating])

(Side note, though, I really don't vibe with the argument that kb/ms "reduces Kabru to a caretaker role" and that's why it's bad. There's plenty of instances where Kabru shoulders his friends' burdens (helps Kuro learn common tongue, listens to Daya's fiance about his relationship troubles, etc) and, more importantly, is seemingly happy to do so. I think Kabru genuinely enjoys looking after his friends and in the story seems to find plenty of personal satisfaction getting Mithrun to eat. I understand it has the potential to be more troubling considering Kabru is a brown man and Mithrun is a white man, but idk, it just feels on the same level as people trying to discount labru by saying Laios wouldn't take enough of an interest in people to want to start a romantic relationship, when his whole thing is that he does want to connect with people and just feels like he can't. It's not a bone I feel like picking, haha)

I honesty don't mind characters being "mischaracterized" in fandom or fic even to a large degree, I know it bugs a lot of people but I respect that ultimately fandom is little more than picking up the vague outline of a doll and playing with it and mashing their faces together. Besides, if I'm really worked up about it I can just write a fic and set the record straight myself, haha. This post is merely inspired by the supremely annoying subsection of twitter that acts like labru is the ship where it's just two dudes sitting in a room together. I'm just saying, Kabru ends the series whispering into the ear of another man as his day job and it's not Mithrun lmao

#dungeon meshi #dunmesh spoilers #labru #fandom wank #wank wanky fandom wank #thought you'd cringed at the last of me didn't you #sorry im a hater lmao #idk yall remember my opening note in 'nourish' #where i talked about how sometimes ships are your blorbo and the character they're closest to in canon #that was me throwing shade haha #stone-shaped shade in my delicate glass house #but shade nonetheless lmao #can't relate to people who are like 'nooooo don't fight about ships you guysss' like NO i wanna fight actually i think it's funny #kabru DOES only have one hand actually and the other one's holding the castle itinerary 😤 #but only through absurd shitposts or overly long essays on your own blog like you still need to follow etiquette #people who send hate are losers who can't write or draw to cope #meanwhile i ship and write fics like it's a competitive sport i can win lol

[selfaware-bungou-stray-dogs]

Hey it's me again (from Mitsuri/Tanjiro/reader request) can make the reader like Venti from Genshin impact, a free spirit. I think reader would do well with chuuya, Dazai, Sigma and Gogo.

And how are you? Take care and drink plenty of water, have a great weekend.☺️

Venti-Like! GN! Reader

Self-Aware! Chuuya Nakahara x GN! Reader x Self-Aware! Dazai Osamu

Self-Aware! Nikolai Gogol x GN! Reader x Self-Aware! Sigma

Part II

Hello. Here you go, your request. I am fine, thank you for asking. Will drink water and try to have a great weekend.🙂

Warning: OOC. Some changed quotes from Venti. Gogol proposed to you. English is my second language.

🐾 You are an adult, that's for sure. But you are so carefree and playful.

🐾 During their "first" rain in the real world, you offered everyone to go outside and start jumping in puddles and see who can make the biggest splash.

🐾 Only Kenji joined you at first, but, after seeing, how happy you two were, Dazai and Ranpo also joined.

🐾 Kunikida tried to tell you, that four of you are too old for playing under the rain, but you only giggled and said, that you couldn't wait for a winter, so you can have a snowball fight.

🐾 You were working at home. Moreover, you were a freelancer. You said, that you don't like to follow too many rules.

🐾 And your hobbies. You liked hang gliding, for some reason. You also liked singing songs and taking naps

🐾 You were interesting. There was something in you.

🐾 They learned, what were your reasons behind your behavior in a month after they get into your world.

____________

You take a bite out of the apple and look at BSD Cast. They were discussing the future of their organizations. Their future life. As you learned, during their work together, characters managed to become at least good acquaintances, if not friends. Moreover, they were ready to spend their life in real world near you. You were silent during their discussion.

Meanwhile, characters were discussing the possibility of changing organizations. Sigma said, that he wants to be with ADA. He looked at you and asked.

"[Y/N], do you think I should join ADA? I remember, that you were saying, that in Decay of Angels doesn't value me."

You take a breath and answered.

"I... Let me get this straight. I am very happy, that you are in real world right now. I am glad, that you are free. But... I won't tell you, what to do. I won't tell anyone, what to do. If you want to stay with me, I will be happy to let you do this. If you want to live by yourself, I won't stop you. Same with you, Sigma. It should be your choice, not mine."

Everyone was silent. Sigma stands up, looking confused.

"But, when we were in our world, I heard how you said..."

You came closer to Sigma and take his hands into yours.

"Sigma, me not wanting you to listen to the Decay of Angels doesn't mean that you have to listen to me. Freedom, if demanded of you by another person, is really no freedom at all."

You smile and looked at everyone.

"All of you are free to do, what you want. I care about your opinion and your freedom. Choose for yourself."

Cast were quiet. They were touched by your worlds. But four people were really moved by your words.

Sigma was smiling. He looked at you with a soft gaze. He felt so happy, that you don't want to use him.

Dazai was grinning. He was glad, that you won't try to control them. They are really lucky, that you were their Reader.

Chuuya want to be his own person. He doesn't want to be under anyone's control. Your words were like honey to him. He smiled.

Gogol's breathing became heavy, he was looking at you with adoration.

Before anyone can react, Gogol jumped to you and, after almost shoving Sigma out of the way, grabbed your hands. Nikolai looked you right in the eyes.

"Marry me! Right here, right now!"

You managed to say.

"E-he?"

______________

🐾 You manage to convince Gogol, that you are not ready for marriage right now.

🐾 But he still spends almost all his time with you.

🐾 As three other characters.

🐾 Dazai, Chuuya and Sigma are also like to spend their time with you.

🐾 Your Quintet are having fun, pulling pranks on others, handing with each other.

🐾 You five have found each other. You are close, you understand each other.

🐾 Other characters may spend less time with you than Chuuya, Dazai, Sigma and Gogol, but, they also became your friends.

🐾 All of you are happy. You may be childish, but you have a bug heart and you value their freedom.

#self-awareau #self-awarebsd #bungou stray dogs au #bsd #bungou stray dogs #bsd x gender neutral reader #gender neutral reader #bsd anime #dazai osamu x reader #Self-Aware Dazai Osamu #Self-Aware Chuuya Nakahara #Self-Aware Sigma #Self-Aware Nikolai Gogol #chuuya nakahara x reader #bsd sigma #bsd dazai #bsd chuuya #bsd gogol #nikolai gogol x reader #chuuya x reader #dazai x reader

[alwaysbewoke]

in addition, the "victim" is a classic white supremacist trick that all white supremacist (regardless of race) play on black and brown people to get them to be quiet about the real affects of racism in their lives by attacking their pride. it would be like if you stabbed me in the leg and i said "YO YOU STABBED ME IN THE LEG" and your reply was "oh stop playing the victim!!" then imagine, as i bleed on the floor, i say "i'm bleeding out" and your reply was "stop playing the victim card." it would be stupid asf, right? everyone watching that would think the person who did the stabbing was both an idiot and insane AND YET this is what white people and their self-hating black and nbpoc allies do this all the live long day. BUT it's with a purpose.

the goal is stir up your pride as a black and brown person in NOT wanting to be seen as weak, powerless, needy and incapable and they want you to see your acknowledgement of racism and its impact on our lives as exactly that. on top of that, if they can enough black and brown people to feel this way, then you won't actually do anything to change the root of your problems: white supremacy. if they can get us to be so desirous to not look weak, powerless, needy and incapable (in whose eyes btw? hint, white people), we'll just be okay with the staggering number of pregnant black women who die because racist doctors don't listen to them when they ask for help because they just believe that being black means a special mutant power to handle pain. if they can get us to be so desirous to not look weak, we'll just be fine with all the redlining that's happening in black neighborhoods, the murderous, racist policing that targets us, and all the other white supremacist fueled injustices we have to deal with. we'll do nothing, we will die and that's what they want. "the ultimate logic of racism is genocide" - mlk (another mlk quote you probably weren't taught in school).

the sad thing is that there are indeed plenty of black and brown people who have already fallen for this bullshit. to not "play the victim," they are all too happy to ignore what racism has done and is doing to black and brown people so that they can look strong in the eyes of those who hate them: white people.

and btw, "nikki" isn't her real name. her actual name is nimarata but to be more palatable to white people, she's not using it. even in that choice she is demonstrating what white supremacy does to black people and other poc. smfh

[feroluce]

Massive 4.2 Genshin Impact archon quest spoilers concerning Furina and her identity ahoy, but I kind of like the idea that like. After everything is said and done, when Neuvilette goes to Furina to tell her everything he saw, at the end of it he holds out his cupped hands and water condenses in them into a bubble.

Neuvilette tells her this was a gift, from Focalors. She had wanted to apologize. She knows she asked Furina to do something horrible. She knows she put her through the worst levels of hell and never even got to personally thank her after it all. With her execution, Furina's curse is broken, but she was forced to play a role for 500 years. 500 years. And that's. Something that is going to take a very very long time to unravel and work through. Years, at least.

So now, Focalors wanted to make her an offer. Longevity, not as a curse this time, but a blessing. Furina will not be immortal. But she will be able to take back the 500 years she lost and then some. She'll have plenty of time to rest, and then to heal, and then to do whatever she'd like. She can wander all of Teyvat by foot if that's what she wants, she'll have the time. She can go see every stage opera ever made. She can leave Fontaine for a generation or two or three and come back when she can start anew, when none of the humans will personally remember her.

She will have time to figure out who she is and what she wants to do. She can finally unearth all the things she buried over the last five centuries.

It's her choice, though. Neuvilette supports her either way. They find a pretty little bottle to put the water bubble in together, because Furina doesn't want to drink it just yet, she wants to think about it first. She's still going to leave for a while. Neuvilette supports that, too. But she takes the bottle with her, carefully wrapped up in cloth, and that's enough for him, just to know that she has the freedom of choice in her own life for perhaps the first time ever.

#neuvifuri #genshin impact neuvillette #genshin impact furina #genshin neuvillette #genshin furina #I'm normally not one to ahy away from major character death. like. at ALL. #shit dude that's my bread and butter right there #but for some reason it's just not cathartic for me with Furina like it is with other characters #it's just!! #after suffering for **500 YEARS** the 60-80 she would have left as a human doesn't feel like enough #it doesn't feel fair #she should get to have more time than that to be happy and have fun #she saved an entire nation! she's earned it!! #rest via either death or longevity; both are extremely good and valid. this is just my personal preference #genshin impact #genshin 4.2 #genshin impact 4.2 #Neuvilette #furina #(and I would like to think that Furina does go on a journey- but she returns to Fontaine eventually) #(and it's maybe not when she first comes back. it's maybe not for a long time.) #(but there is a day when Furina goes to Neuvilette and tells him she has something to give him. something important.) #(and she hands him an empty bottle)

[cosmicjoke]

The Psychological and Emotional Impact of Levi’s Early Childhood:

I don’t think Levi’s early childhood really gets discussed enough in the fandom, or the ways in which those experiences in his formative years had to have impacted him.  This could be because we don’t really get many panels depicting his childhood.  Just a few.  But those few panels show us enough for us to extrapolate plenty and form a pretty clear picture of what he went through.

First of all, it’s almost a certainty that Levi was born as the result of rape. 

That’s something that I think everyone should let sink in.

He was born in the brothel that his mother, Kuchel, worked in.  And “worked” is a relative term here.  Kuchel was driven into the Underground as a result of persecution by the royal family.  She was undoubtedly very young, she was alone, with no real resources or support or guarantee of safety or protection from anyone, in an environment of criminality and violence.  There were likely very few, if any options available to her in terms of her own survival.  Her becoming a prostitute wouldn’t have been any kind of a choice then, but rather a move made in desperation.  And so I think we can also safely assume that Kuchel’s experiences working as a prostitute were tantamount to forced labor.  In other words, a kind of slavery.  She was almost certainly paid a paltry sum by the brothels owner, evidenced by the sorry, squalid and destitute state we see her and Levi living in when Kenny comes.  She was likely afforded very few, if any rights or defenses against whatever her clients chose to do to her, as also evidenced by the fact that no one seemed to really know or care enough about her or Levi to even realize when she had died. 

It’s impossible for me to define any of what Kuchel went through working in such a place as anything less than rape, then.

So, Levi’s very existence is one that is a literal product of violence.  I’m absolutely sure that Levi himself is painfully aware of this, knowing that he was born out of his own mother’s pain and suffering.  Going into the implications of this on Levi’s psychological health, I think you can safely assume this realization had a very negative impact on his own sense of self-worth.  His mother was the only person in his childhood who we ever saw treat him with any kind of actual love or kindness.  The only person who ever, actually wanted him.  And yet, Levi would have seen demonstrated to him, every day, how his existence in his mothers life placed an increased burden on her, forcing her into increasingly more desperate circumstances, now having to feed two mouths instead of only one, and as a result, likely having to engage in increased, unwanted sexual activity with her clients.  So Levi would be aware that not only was his mother, (again, the only person who loved and treated him with tenderness) being hurt on his behalf, but he also would have been aware, after witnessing the particular ways in which she was being hurt, that he himself was the result of that violence.  Levi would have been shown that his very existence, then, was something which caused immense suffering and pain to the only person in his life who loved him.  I honestly can’t even imagine the negative implications of something like this on a young mind.  Only to say, it must have been horrific and resulted in lifelong trauma.  Trauma which, due to the desperation of Levi’s life afterward, he likely never had any opportunity or chance to even address. 

Now, moving on to something else.  There’s a tendency by many to paint Kuchel as this sort of perfect mother figure.  Someone who, through the power of her love for Levi alone, was able to overcome the trauma of their general circumstances, to negate the negative experiences he would have been exposed to, resulting in Levi becoming the kind and compassionate person he would be as an adult.  But I think this assumption about Kuchel and their situation is not only unrealistic and idealized in the extreme, but also in its way, undermines the actual bleakness of their circumstances.

Again, we have to remember that Kuchel was driven into the Underground, and essentially forced, through lack of any other options, to become a prostitute.  Calling her a prostitute is a nice way of saying she had to sell herself into sexual slavery.  Kuchel’s own psychological and emotional trauma doesn’t often get touched upon or acknowledged when people talk about her and her relationship with her son, nor does the desperate poverty of their living situation.  Kuchel died right in front of Levi, and we can assume with pretty good accuracy that she either died from a sexually transmitted disease, or that she died from malnutrition and starvation.  These weren’t two people, then, who were living a comfortable or secure life.  In fact, the very opposite.  Levi was starving to death when Kenny found him.  It’s easy enough to assume from his state of general neglect and starvation that Kuchel, at the very least, was struggling to provide for him.  Not just food, but any kind of comfort or care.  Clothing, warmth, protection, cleanliness, and very likely even, affection.  This isn’t a knock on Kuchel’s worth as a mother, or her parenting.  She was, undoubtedly, doing the best she could given the circumstances.  But, again, this particular aspect of their lives isn’t touched on nearly enough.  Kuchel died out of neglect, impoverishment, desperation and abuse.  Given what we can assume her day to day life was like, having to let men come and sexually assault her just to keep herself and her son alive, one has to also consider the emotional and mental toll this sort of existence would eventually have on her.  She had to have been exhausted, both mentally and physically.  You add to this the always uncertain and present reality of whether either her or Levi would even be able to eat on any, given day, whether she would be able to keep her son from starving to death, and you can start to form a clear idea of how things like “playtime” or “fun”, or freely given and enthusiastic love and affection, would be, tragically, low on the list of priorities.  Their situation was absolutely a situation of survival, first and foremost.  Luxuries weren’t a part of their lives.  Anyone who’s ever experienced extreme deprivation, poverty and desperation on the level in which Kuchel and Levi were living would know that those material realities absolutely have a negative impact on one’s ability to simply live.  To be happy.  To indulge in fantasy.  To indulge in luxury.  To indulge in any kind of relaxation or ease of living.  It’s nice to imagine that Kuchel was always able to show Levi love and affection.  To always be a kind, caring and generous mother to him.  But that perception of their lives together ignores the bleak and harsh reality of what was really going on.  More likely than not, Kuchel was often too exhausted and in bad, physical shape herself to play with Levi, to pay attention to Levi, to indulge in Levi.  It was everything she could do, after all, to simply keep Levi alive, let alone healthy and happy.  Kenny described Levi, when he first took him in, as the most unfriendly kid he’d ever met.  We rarely see Levi speak at all in those early days with Kenny.  That doesn’t speak to someone who is well adjusted socially.  That doesn’t speak to someone who received a lot of open love and affection in the formative years of his childhood.  Again, this isn’t to criticize or undermine Kuchel’s abilities as a mother.  It’s simply acknowledging the tragic reality, that someone in Kuchel’s position, living the kind of life she was living, wouldn’t have had the luxury of being for Levi everything he needed her to be. 

This also leads me into another point I don’t think I’ve ever seen discussed, and that has to do with Kuchel’s decision to have Levi at all, and how that choice is, simultaneously, both entirely selfless, and entirely selfish. 

Kenny tells his grandfather that he tried to talk Kuchel out of having her baby, trying to explain to her how bringing a baby into the kind of situation she was living in wasn’t viable.  It was only going to make, not only her own life worse, but in turn, the baby’s life was going to be awful too.  We later see, in Kenny’s memories, a scene in which Kuchel is holding Levi as a newborn against her chest and crying tears of happiness.  Kenny recalls this as part of his monologue about dreams, and the desperation of dreams, and the ability of dreams to corrupt us.  This is important to acknowledge.  Because again, while Kuchel’s intentions in giving birth to Levi were pure, and her love for him was absolutely pure and genuine, still, she DID bring him into a situation of extreme poverty, desperation and violence.  In a way, Kuchel prioritized her dream of motherhood not only over her own well being (this being the selfless aspect of her decision), but also over Levi’s well being (this being the selfish aspect).  She knew her own living situation was terrible, filled with suffering, cruelty and pain.  She knew this, and she was aware, from Kenny’s own words, that bringing a child into that situation was only going to make things worse, for both of them.  But she chose to do it anyway.  She chose to give birth to Levi, and to keep him, knowing the sort of deprivation and desperation he would be exposed to.  Knowing the kind of violence and cruelty and ugliness he would be exposed to, being born and raised in a brothel, in which she was working as a prostitute, relegated to a single room with him in it. 

Chances are high, extremely high, that Levi saw his mother raped.  Maybe she sent him out of the room when she was with clients.  But maybe she wasn’t able to.  We never see any evidence of Levi having ever left their single room as a child, and even if he had, the building they were in was a brothel, catering to men seeking and paying for the sexual services of women.  It isn’t an environment that is, in any way, suited to a child, friendly to a child, or even tolerant of a child.  It’s almost 100% certain that Levi was, at one time or another, exposed to sexual violence against women, whether it was his own mother, or someone else.  He would have been exposed to violence in general too, because men who sexually assault women are also very likely to physically assault them.  I don’t think it’s any kind of a stretch, even, to assume that Levi himself might have been on the receiving end of physical violence, at the least, in a place like that.  Men who wouldn’t want some little kid around while they force themselves on the women there probably would have little qualm with hitting Levi to make him go away. 

Again, going back to Levi’s “unfriendliness” when Kenny first takes him in, I think we can extrapolate that a lot of what Kenny was perceiving as unfriendly behavior was in fact just Levi being withdrawn.  He seemed sullen and mute to Kenny.  We see this in children who have been abused.  They tend to go within themselves and make themselves as unobtrusive as possible, not wanting to draw attention to themselves, because whenever they have, it’s always resulted in them somehow being hurt.  Levi’s body language when Kenny first meets him speaks to this as well.  He’s curled against the wall opposite his mother’s bed, literally making himself as small as possible, his knees hugged to his chest, his head bowed close to them, etc...  Like he’s trying to hide.  Again, it doesn’t take a stretch of the imagination to assume that Levi fell victim to the violence of the men who frequented that place.  The Underground in general was filled with violent and cruel men who made a living out of criminality, who in fact wouldn’t think twice about committing murder, etc... 

This is the world Kuchel brought Levi into.  A world of physical and sexual violence, a world of depravity and illness, a world of poverty and starvation.  Kuchel loved Levi with all her heart.  That isn’t for a moment in doubt.  But by choosing to have him and keep him, she also trapped him into a life of pain and suffering of his own.

Kuchel had to know, if anything were to happen to her, that Levi’s chances of survival were next to none.  He was helpless without her, and that too is evidenced by the fact that, when Kenny finds them, Levi is literally starving to death.  He’s just sitting there, resigned to his fate.  There’s no indication whatsoever that Levi ever even left their room to seek food, or help of any kind.  He just sat there, trapped with his mother’s rotting corpse, waiting to die.  And nobody there cared enough to even check on him or his mother in the span of time between when she fell ill and when she died.  Nobody there cared enough about either of their lives to see if they were okay, and we can assume, because Levi didn’t seek anyone’s help, that he didn’t think anyone would help him, which tells us all we need to know about how he and his mother were generally treated in that place.  Kuchel must have known, as she was dying, that without her, Levi was going to die too.  She had no way and no cause to know or think that Kenny would come by to rescue him.  And, indeed, if Kenny hadn’t shown up right when he did, Levi almost certainly would have died in that room with her.  I can’t even imagine the pain this must have caused her, knowing she was dying, and knowing as a result, that her son was going to die too.  It would have been unbearable.  But again, this is also the risk Kuchel took when she chose to give birth to and keep Levi.  She knew this was a possibility.  That her child would die a slow and painful death without her there to protect and take care of him.

So this sort of sunny, idealistic picture that tends to get painted of Levi’s life with his mother seems both unrealistic and unfair to them in terms of understanding their actual situation.  This wasn’t a happy or good life they were living together.  It was a life full of misery and pain.  Levi’s monologue later on to the 104th recruits, about not knowing if you’ll wake up and get to eat that day, or if your friends will still be alive, wasn’t just a reflection on their lives living with the threat of titans.  It was a reflection of his own life living in the Underground, living a life surrounded by poverty and violence and uncertainty.  That was Levi’s existence for the first 25 years of his life.  That was Levi’s childhood.  Violence and starvation, cruelty and deprivation.  Kuchel’s love, as pure and as genuine as it was, wasn’t enough on it’s own to overcome the scars of all that. 

One last note to end this on. 

There’s also a tendency to paint Kenny’s rescue of Levi as this very heroic and selfless act on Kenny’s part.  A moment in which Levi was pulled from the jaws of certain death and given a chance to live by his uncle.  And while, yes, Kenny certainly did save Levi’s life and give him that chance, I think it’s also important to acknowledge that Kenny’s treatment of Levi was abusive, and ultimately caused him more harm than good.  Kenny, we have to remember, went down to the Underground to rescue Kuchel.  He went to that brothel with the intention of pulling her out and bringing her to live back up on the surface, able to do so now that he had ended the persecution of their family through his connection with Uri Reiss.  But by the time he got there, Kuchel was dead, and she’d left behind her only child in Levi.  Kenny could have so easily brought Levi up to the surface with him, the way he’d been planning on doing with Kuchel, and given him a good and happy life.  He could have saved him from the hell of living in the Underground City.  A world of perpetual darkness, a world of constant danger and desperation and illness.  People talk about how Kenny gave Levi the tools to survive in such a harsh environment, and treat this as if it’s something to somehow be applauded and praised.  But Kenny shouldn’t have had to teach Levi to survive in a cut-throat environment at all.  He’d made it possible for those with the Ackerman name to live free of persecution up above.  He could have easily taken Levi with him and given him a good, traditional education, fed and clothed him, given him shelter, given him the chance to grow up in fresh air and sunlight, given him a chance to make friends with other children, to learn social skills and just live a normal existence with the opportunity to actually be happy.  But instead Kenny chose to keep Levi in the Underground, to teach him how to kill, to teach him to be violent, and not much else, before simply abandoning him there and never going back, forcing Levi to survive on his own in the most dangerous place inside the walls.  What Kenny did to Levi wasn’t a kindness.  A kindness would have been rescuing Levi from the Underground entirely and giving him a real life above.  A kindness would have been Kenny giving to Levi what he’d planned on giving to his sister.  But Kenny was too selfish to do that, and that’s the bottom line.  He didn’t want to have to take care of and raise a child.  He didn’t want the responsibility.  Whether that’s tied to Kenny’s own, negative perception of himself or not doesn’t matter.  He still chose not to take Levi with him and give him a real life because actually caring for and raising a child would have been too hard, too much work, too much responsibility.  By leaving Levi there in the Underground, he sent Levi the message, clear as day, that he wasn’t wanted.  And so Levi spent the entirety of his childhood, and a good portion of his adulthood, believing that, and living in the Underground, living a life of violence and desperation and suffering.

I don’t think the suffering Levi went through as a child gets discussed or acknowledged enough, or examined enough.  I don’t think people often look at it with enough objective realism to realize the extreme harm and trauma Levi experienced and was left with.  It’s genuinely a miracle that Levi turned out the way he did.  That Levi is as good a man as he is.  Nothing in his life growing up can really account for that.  Everything in his life growing up would evince that he should have become the sort of man Kenny was, selfish and cruel.  It’s truly against all odds that Levi became the exact opposite.  Selfless in the extreme, kind, caring and compassionate above and beyond anyone else in the series.  Someone who fights for and gives his life in dedication to the dreams and lives of others.

In many ways, Levi is, himself, the greatest miracle of all.

#Levi Ackerman #Kuchel Ackerman #Kenny Ackerman #meta #analysis #attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin

[do-not-resuscikate]

A long, slight critical, rant about The Bad Batch.

Let me preface this by saying, I love this show, I think it has been one of the best animated shows to ever come out of Disney or Star Wars. This rant comes from a place of love.

-------------------------------------------------------

I think it's pretty clear at this stage that The Bad Batch Season 3, while excellent in so many ways, is not quite sticking the landing when it comes to human moments.

There's a reason The Outpost is a fan favorite ep.

There's a reason a lot of people resonate with The Crossing.

And the reason is not action or setpieces, it's the human moments. The emotional moments.

The moments where characters stop and react.

I always thought it was an odd choice to bring back Echo but then have him not even mention Fives, nevermind not giving us any insight into Echos feelings about the circumstances surrounding his death. Rex even talks about how Fives tried to warn him about the chips, in front of Echo, and nothing!

Maybe it's a fluke, an oversight, I thought? Maybe, a story arc they had to trim so they could better explore the new characters!? 

And wow, did the writers do some amazing character work in season 2! I mean, chef's kiss, 10 outta 10. Gorgeous. Give me more of that.

But then, season 3 came.

Do we see proper conversation about the loss of Tech? No.

Do we see Crosshairs reaction to learning of his death? No.

Do we see Phees reaction to his death? No.

Do we see the groups immediate interaction after Crosshair returns. No.

Hells, Omega is taken AGAIN and Hunter doesn't even blink.

We maybe get a token mention here or there, and then on to the next copy/paste rescue/escape.

The writing team leave these beautiful breadcrumbs for us, we're dying to know how X will react to Y next week, and then they just never follow through.

I love this show, I really do, but I can only excuse this so many times.

With the series almost at its end, I think it's becoming increasingly clear that the writers think action setpieces, and escape plans, and heists are what the fans want. 

Don't get me wrong, the setpieces are great. But action is a dime a dozen these days. Plenty of shows and movies give us awesome explosions and shoot outs.

Far rarer are shows, and especially animated "childrens" shows, that give us genuine, gut-punching, emotional moments.

With so little time left, I'm doubtful of a truly satisfying finale to the Batches story. 

So many threads are still dangling, and we're all dying for answers. But we'll spend the next precious few episodes watch Omega break out of Tantiss AGAIN.

Whoever's under CX-2s mask might be significant, but will we see anyone's reaction to it? Will we have time to explore it's impact? Would they explore it even if they had the time?!

The thing many fans fell in love with about the clones is not that they're badass soldiers blowing up droids, it's how they behaved as people. 

How they interacted with each other, defined themselves, pushed their individuality, morality, and goodness to forefront despite being told they are only weapons.

 It's how they reacted to the world around them and their place in it.

The point of the clones stories is not action, it's reaction.

#star wars #star wars the bad batch #the bad batch #star wars tbb #tbb wrecker #tbb tech #tbb hunter #tbb spoilers #tbb crosshair #tbb omega

[veliseraptor]

Top five spiciest untamed opinions!

man, I've been in my own little corner of fandom for long enough that I feel like I struggle a little to parse what is spicy of my opinions and what isn't, but here's a go at it

The Untamed is a show with complex, morally grey characters that's telling a slightly different but not inherently inferior story. Maybe I'm just a bit defensive about this, and I have with time come to appreciate a lot of things about the novel over the way they play out in the show, but The Untamed was the first version of the story that I fell in love with and I think at least some of the criticisms of it overstate the degree to which it morally simplifies the story. I think, whether because of requirements of censorship or other reasons, that the moral messiness of the story is subtler, I don't think it's absent, and while Jin Guangyao in particular falls victim to a pretty intense villain edit the narrative still has plenty of sympathy for him (even if the audience, all too often, does not). I think it's telling a slightly different story (as others have discussed), but I think it's a strong adaptation that still works with the underlying themes of the text.

However, that being said, The lessening of Wei Wuxian's culpability, as in the introduction of the second flautist, weakens his character. I feel like the character of Wei Wuxian as we see him in The Untamed still has the recognizable flaws of the character from the novel - I think the degree to which they're sometimes claimed to be toned down is overstated, which I think I've written some about before. He's still at least a little arrogant, causes problems, has a definite temper, and doesn't always respect other peoples' choices, among other things. But what The Untamed does do is remove some of his culpability, or at least temper it - both for Jin Zixuan's death and the massacre at Nightless City, which are two moments that contribute to a strong tragic arc in the first life, which makes for a more powerful (imo) arc in the second life. Removing, or at least lessening, Wei Wuxian's culpability for Jin Zixuan's death and Jiang Yanli's death makes him more a victim of circumstance than of his own human flaws, and at least for me, a character who is doomed by their own flaws is a far more compelling one than one who just happens to fall victim to outside forces. It makes him, I would argue, more passive and less of an active force, and I think the culpability for those two deaths - and the loss of control that causes it - makes for a more powerful narrative than that of a man who is victimized by someone else's actions.

Jin Guangyao was a good Chief Cultivator. I see people talk about him as though he was corrupt and evil and just plotting all the time, but the Bad Things™ he does mostly happen before his tenure as Chief Cultivator and, even taking those into account, have a limited impact on the world at large (with the exception of Nie Mingjue's death, but even that I would argue has more personal repercussions than broader political ones). As far as his responsibility for the cultivation world at large, we have no evidence prior to his downfall that he is negatively perceived by people, except for the fact of his birth/origins.

this is more MDZS-related than Untamed specific, but: MXTX deserves praise for writing "problematic" and messy queer sex, but it's just not hot. I don't have a whole lot to add on this one, but one of my least favorite parts of some corners of The Untamed fandom are people who are thoroughgoing MXTX antis who are quick to cry about the ~problematic~ aspects of Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian's sex life (which, honestly, I think are overstated a lot of the time, as is the weirdness of the sex scenes); however, in my opinion, the sex scenes as they stand just aren't very sexy, and I don't think that's intentional (as it arguably is in SVSSS). The sex scenes may be a shortcoming in the text, perhaps, but not the one certain people think it is.

this is again a stronger argument in the novel but I think it's present in the show as well: Jin Guangyao and Wei Wuxian are "there but for the grace of god" foils, but not in the sense of Jin Guangyao being "Wei Wuxian if he made bad moral choices" but in the sense of "who Wei Wuxian could've been if his circumstances were different." I've definitely written about this before and how much it drives me nuts the way people treat narrative foils in this story in general as Goofus and Gallant style duos, but this is a specific one. I think Jin Guangyao is an example of a story that runs alongside Wei Wuxian's, but ends in a different place, and I think the story isn't saying that he ends in that place because of something inherently worse about Jin Guangyao, but because of the way his circumstances happen to diverge from Wei Wuxian's in specific key ways. In some ways his ending is even a near beat-for-beat rewrite of Wei Wuxian's death, and Wei Wuxian receives the grace of a second life not because of any inherent merit, but actually because of his bad reputation. I think this goes for Xue Yang, too, actually.

I absolutely know I'm forgetting things and there are probably things back in my bitchy opinions tag that I could dig out, but here's at least a few that came to mind.

#conversating #maester of spreadsheets #lise has opinions #none of these feel so bitchy they need to go in the bitchy opinions tag but just in case i think i'll #lise's aggressively bitchy opinions about irrelevant and unimportant matters #lise memes #top five meme #the sad queer cultivators show

[maximotts]

𝑚𝑎𝑘𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑎𝑚𝑒𝑛𝑑𝑠 • 𝑤. 𝑚𝑎𝑥𝑖𝑚𝑜𝑓𝑓 & 𝑛. 𝑟𝑜𝑚𝑎𝑛𝑜𝑓𝑓

a/n: I don't have anything to say about this except uh.. I love this massive beast of a fic and I hope y'all love it too. Thanks to all of you who were patient and understanding about me having to step away from posting this AU publicly, this is for y'all 💖

warnings: This is an 18+ AU, minors DNI; smut, oh so much smut; strap-on use (r receiving); oral; spanking; degradation; a bit of humiliation for the funsies; mommy/daddy kink; face sitting; overstim; pet names; top!Natasha; switch!Wanda; soft aftercare and feelings at the end

words: 6.6K

summary: Private Hire AU; it was finally time for you to get your reward... if the sight of your bosses fucking don't kill you first

private hire au. || main masterlist.

Natasha hadn’t really waited for a response, directing you both to their shared master bedroom with a firm but gentle tug on your arms. You’d followed silently, your head too full to focus on whatever conversation the two women a few feet ahead of you were having. Natasha had clicked the heavy bedroom door closed behind you, a singular crook of her finger taking you away from where you hovered by the wall. “There’s nothing to be scared of sweetheart, no one here is going to harm you.” The sincerity in the redhead’s eyes was so intense you nearly looked away, but still, you trusted her.

Turns out Natasha didn’t think Wanda needed much kindness. 

You didn’t remember how exactly Natasha had stripped Wanda of her clothes, but it didn’t matter. All of that was easy to forget when the brunette was riding the silicone toy strapped to her wife’s bare hips so perfectly. She braced herself with her hands on Natasha’s shoulders and selfishly, you hated how it blocked the full view of Wanda’s breasts as she rocked back and forth. “Fuck, right there—”

The noises she made confirmed how close she was; something about Natasha exercising her cruelty in the bedroom never failed to drive Wanda to near insanity. Maybe because only Natasha would ever wield such power over her; she could safely let go and be at the redhead’s mercy without fear that she’d use that same power to undermine her either in their marriage or with others. Natasha was her safe space. 

You wanted to be that for Wanda too; not control, but please her so well she had no choice but to lose her composure. Imagining yourself in Natasha’s place was too impactful of a thought, leaving you squirming where you sat kneeled away from them on the large bed.

Natasha caught it, eyebrow quirking as she saw your eyes glued to where the toy disappeared and reappeared between Wanda’s legs. She wondered if you knew how obvious you were being; if Wanda’s eyes weren’t screwed shut, she would’ve wanted to remember the longing look on your face forever. Still, Natasha would happily let you have what you earned after you’d been so agreeable with her the other day. Unlike her wife, she believed in instant gratification… for herself.

“You gonna cum, baby?” Her hand rested on Wanda’s hip, guiding her along while she nodded frantically. She was so pretty like this, it was a struggle not to give Wanda what she wanted, but Natasha was still getting started. It was too early to let her finish; there’d be plenty of time for that later. “Not until you make me first.” 

Wanda’s whines were pitiful as Natasha pulled her away, clearly resisting, twisting and turning out of her wife’s strong grip. Just once she wished Natasha would just… give in, but when she set her mind to something, she was unshakeable. Still, all she wanted was one tiny orgasm, “No, Tasha, please-”

“Ah ah, that’s not my name, is it?” You watched as Natasha barely flinched, manhandling Wanda to kneel between her thighs, effortlessly maneuvering her harness out of the way to free space where she pushed Wanda’s head. As much as this was for Wanda, Natasha felt she’d earned the right to be self-serving for a moment. Wanda still needed to make up for missing her dinner. What better way than with her desperate wife going down on her?

Wanda bit her tongue and fought the urge to roll her eyes, holding back only to stay in Natasha’s good graces. She needed to cum tonight; she was painfully close already, her cunt clenching around nothing again as a bitter reminder. Natasha was always so full of herself; Wanda hated how attracted she was to it. “Sorry, daddy..” 

She barely managed to get it out before Natasha was shoving her face to meet swollen, pink lips. 

Natasha’s head fell back against the headboard with a dull thud, her hand tight in Wanda’s hair as she devoured her with a confident skill only longtime lovers had. Once again you wished you could switch places with Natasha, having cum so many times to the fantasy of Wanda rewarding you for your good work with her head buried between your legs. “Fuck, Wanda.. just like that…” 

The praise had Wanda rubbing her thighs together for friction, an act that Natasha couldn’t let slide. Fun as it was to watch Wanda try to get herself off, it was about time she gave you a task. “Come closer, dove. I need you to hold mommy’s legs apart.” 

Embarrassingly you scrambled at the chance to touch, holding one of Wanda’s calves firmly. Theoretically it gave you something to do with your hands, but quickly you realized just how torturous it was. The new angle let you see Wanda spread open, bent over in a way that meant her sex was on full view— you needed to taste her more than anything in the world. She was visibly wet, thighs slick with evidence of her own need; Wanda was so so close, but you didn’t have permission. 

You let out a whine of your own, arousal clouding your brain. Wanda was too busy to acknowledge you, but Natasha never missed a thing. “What’s the matter, wish she was doing this to you?” Her tone was clearly mocking, even when distracted by Wanda pushing her tongue past her entrance slowly and steadily. 

Given the situation you found yourself in, it was understandable you’d want to participate, but you still flushed at the thought of admitting it, “Y-Yes, I do…” Natasha chuckled, low and breathy, holding Wanda’s head still to fuck her face freely. She was enjoying herself way too much, the sheer authority Natasha wielded over the both of you threatening to make her fall apart even faster. Letting Wanda have a pet really was the best decision they’d ever made. 

“She is extremely good with her mouth,” The redhead let Wanda pull away just enough to take in air, shuddering as her hot breath hit her wet skin. She was back in an instant though, sucking and licking at Natasha’s clit with slow, languid strokes, taking the bud past her lips because she knew that was her wife’s favorite. Blunt nails scratched at the base of Wanda’s skull, a sensitive spot that left Wanda moaning into Natasha softly. As dominating as Nat was, she was still powerless to her wife. She was gorgeous and brilliant and oh so pretty to look at, wide, pleading eyes and all.

Wanda worked at her until thick thighs clamped around her head, temporarily muffling any noises that weren’t her tongue messily sliding through Natasha’s wet sex. She forgot about her own need long enough to carry Natasha through her orgasm, nudging her nose against her sensitive bud until the grip loosened and she was free to sit back on her own arms. “See, you can behave when you want to.”

There was a mental note made that, despite her defiance, Wanda’s praise kink ran deep because every word Natasha uttered had Wanda visibly soaking even after going untouched; the urge to just lean in that one short distance and clean up where she was dripping. “Mommy…” You only realized you’d pleaded for her aloud when the older woman was laughing again and Wanda pushed her hips back towards you in invitation. She almost made you give in, but Natasha’s warning look kept you still with a pout. 

“I prefer you so much more when you’re a good girl for me.” Natasha went back to what she was saying, running her fingers through Wanda’s long hair. She was so sweet when she was agreeable; they just had so much more fun, “Instead of mumbling and grumbling like a bitch because I played with your toy a little while you were gone.”

That must’ve been Wanda’s last straw because she bit her wife’s thigh, hard. There was no way it didn’t hurt, you winced just having witnessed it, but Natasha’d had way worse. They were known to get painfully rough with one another, but Natasha yanked Wanda up until their faces inches apart with such ferocity that you audibly gasped. “You think that’s funny?”

The brunette must not have been expecting such a strong reaction either, begging for something as soon as she opened her mouth. Through her rambling words, you were sure you heard an ‘I’m sorry,’ but Natasha’s face remained hard, no mercy to be found. Wanda was farther from you now, but on all fours she was still visible; in your single mindedness, you ignored Natasha’s berating to instead watch Wanda’s trembling thighs and what lay between. 

“You say sorry, bat those pretty eyelashes, and I always go easy on you.” If Natasha was ‘easy’ so far, you were morbidly curious what true punishment entailed. Her hands roamed over Wanda’s naked form until they reached her backside, offering a deceptively gentle pat before grabbing her possessively, “but not today. I think you’ve forgotten what real consequences look like.” 

Wanda protested incoherently, shaking her head as if that’d do anything to sway her wife’s new plan of action. “I mean it, I swear. I’m sorry!” She didn’t mean it; needy as she was, Wanda didn’t regret biting Natasha. Even she had limits when you were present, wanting you to still see her having some form of control, but Natasha could care less. And she could see right through Wanda’s empty apology.

“You will be when I’m through with you-” Natasha uttered something in her native Russian, a phrase that left Wanda mewling, but it was nothing compared to the pitiful noises made as her lover delivered a painful slap to her round ass. You wished you picked up on languages better only so you could fully appreciate Wanda’s Sokovian pleas; whatever it was, it didn’t change her treatment one bit. 

Wanda only lasted through five swats before she tensed, fingers gripping Natasha’s sides as her thighs shook and you knew she was cumming. You could’ve watched the sight forever; Wanda’s hips stuttering and bucking around nothing so close to you. Frenzied eyes darted to the woman leaning against the headboard, half expecting her to be disappointed in Wanda’s sudden break, but Natasha was highly amused, looking perfectly pleased with herself. 

It wasn’t the first time she’d seen Wanda cum that way and she knew how much Wanda hated it— to her, it was empty, unsatisfying, embarrassing. All it did was worsen the need already clawing at her skin. The punishment of a spanking had been a calculated means to an end; Wanda was still so on edge, she wouldn’t be surprised if tears were falling down her red cheeks. She was right where Natasha wanted her. Fake pity written clearly all across her face, she hooked a finger under Wanda’s chin to bring her into a bruising kiss, “What a desperate little slut.”

Wanda’s arms gave out then, falling into Natasha wordlessly while she tried to process the painful stings on her ass amidst her aftershocks. It was silent for a few moments, Natasha knowing enough to allow Wanda time to catch her breath. Games aside, she wouldn’t let her love get so overwhelmed that pleasure turned to true pain. Natasha looked at you then, taking in your fists balled into the sheets and tightly clenched thighs— you’d been so dutifully patient, it was admirable really. She didn’t think she could last as long as you did without simply taking what she wanted from Wanda. “So tense over there… what’s on your mind?”

Had you not been denied so long maybe you would’ve kept quiet, but you had laser focus on Wanda and your need was so obvious, the words could’ve spoken themselves. If speaking up could even slightly get you closer to what you want, you’d talk forever. “I wanna kiss her pussy, daddy.”

“I know you do, dove.” Natasha beckoned you closer and in your eagerness, you let her position you as she pleased, head laid on the pillow a small bit away from where she sat against the headboard. You relaxed as much as you could, the bed impossibly soft against your rigid body, waiting anxiously for your next instruction. “You’ve been so good, helping me with this one’s surprise, letting me invade your bed the past two nights… you’re long overdue for a reward.” As she spoke, Natasha moved Wanda like she was hoisting a box, quick and efficient in depositing her atop you, one leg on either side of your head. 

She was close enough now you could feel the heat radiating off of her and you licked your lips, staring up at Wanda with wide eyes that were teary with desire. She was big on you using your words, but she gave you a pass this time, just once when your eyes were glued to her cunt and practically drooling with need. “Go on, baby. Make mommy cum..” 

You were on her the second you could reach, devouring her with a vigor even you didn’t know you had. She was just as sweet as you’d imagined, hot and sinfully wet. Wanda was still sensitive from her unplanned orgasm and your eagerness was quickly bringing her to another, but she didn’t want to cum again so soon. Not when she’d already done so humiliatingly easily a few moments prior, but it was proving way too hard to continue to hold back. “Fuck, your mouth feels so good..” 

You hummed as her hands found your hair, raking her fingers through it until she had a good hold on your head. She rocked herself methodically, zero trace of shyness as she moaned each time you dragged your tongue through her sex. Wanda knew what she wanted you, unlike Natasha, weren’t in any position to tell her no. When you flattened the smooth muscle, Wanda’s grip faltered, the rough surface of your tongue against her clit leaving her shuddering. 

“O-Oh… stay right there, stay still for me, sweetheart-” Hard as she tried to hold back, Wanda’s hips betrayed her, she was cumming again with a sigh and you let her freely have her way with your mouth even as she tugged hard at your hair. 

When you started to slow, wanting to draw out the experience you’d waited so long for, Natasha shook her head and placed a steadying hand on Wanda’s hip. “Ah ah, your job’s not done that quickly, not yet.” Assuming Natasha was simply conveying what Wanda couldn’t as she caught her breath, you were quick to bury your face back into her cunt, the deep groan from above relaxing the last of your nerves. 

Wanda’s movements were getting out of sync, clearly ready to succumb and, helpful as you were, wrapped your arms around Wanda’s thighs to pull her down. “Wait-”

“Put your hands on the headboard.” It was probably the most demanding thing you’d ever said to her, but your brain was stuck on one goal and that was tasting Wanda as long as she’d let you. Shockingly, she complied with your demand, even settling her hips so you could lap at her to your heart’s content, but she was whining, wiggling to get a moment away from your tongue that refused to let up.

“What’s wrong, honey? I thought you wanted this.” Natasha was at the perfect angle to antagonize Wanda, forcing the brunette’s head towards her with a strong grip on her chin. Wanda hated that Natasha wouldn’t just keep her mouth shut. She wasn’t ashamed of her thoughts, not at all, but it was a whole other thing entirely to let you hear what she’d confessed privately to Natasha. “All those times you’ve mumbled about our precious little dove, watching her practically beg to fuck you just to say no and fantasize about it more?” 

It was hard to make out what Wanda was saying, her sentences cut apart with small noises as soft as she was, but the ‘yes’ you heard confirmed that your boss thought about you as much as you did her. Unfortunately the conversation alone was enough to bring you close to soaking your underwear. Natasha tried to take pity on you, removing the last garment you wore, but she’d barely brushed you before Wanda slapped her wife’s hand away. 

“Don’t.” You only had a chance to be upset for a minute before Wanda pushed down on your shoulders, putting your mouth back to work. Reminded of her earlier anger, you whined against her folds, eyes searching for hers to persuade Wanda’s unshakeable will. “None of that, you’d better not start, you little slut.” 

You whimpered a sorry that she must’ve heard because Wanda was smoothing your hair back gently with a whispered ‘you’re okay, little one,’ reassuring you enough that you knew you weren’t in any trouble. She never wanted to scare you again how she had earlier; you were too delicate for that. You nuzzled the inside of her thigh with your cheek, letting her know you were okay before she held the hard wood in front of her again… just in time for you to slide your tongue inside her tight entrance. 

But Natasha wasn’t deterred by the same warnings you were; if Wanda still felt bold enough to be a brat, they were all far from done. “You’re so selfish, you know, not even letting your wife touch your toys until you have. If she weren’t so obsessed with you, she might’ve gone off to date someone else by now.” Wanda visibly bristled— she knew you never would, but Natasha being right made her want to roll her eyes for a completely different reason.

If you hadn’t been fucking her just right with your tongue, maybe she could have. As it was, her eyes fell shut and Natasha’s supportive hands were the only reason her head didn’t completely fall back. “Oh.. d-don’t stop that..” You wouldn’t dream of it, not when Wanda was dripping onto your chin and she let you guide her into the perfect shared tempo. 

“There you go, keep fucking her like that and she’ll come apart for you in no time. She just loves being taken care of. Isn’t that right, dear?” Wanda nodded without realizing, knuckles white on the headboard as she focused on the tip of your nose brushing over her sensitive bud. She was close again and this time Wanda was going to warn you, but then you were curling your tongue and she was clenching around it, her third orgasm of the night leaving stars in her vision. 

You hadn’t stopped yet though, cleaning her up even as your jaw tired. Greediness kept your arms around her thighs, waiting until the moment you’d gotten your fill of her to let her go. So far, you haven't even come close. “Sensitive…” 

Natasha cut in quicker than you could loosen your grip. “Don’t stop, dove, you can keep going.” You obeyed the redhead’s command, licking at Wanda’s swollen center even as her legs clenched around your head. 

Wanda was well on her way to shaking, jerking wildly as you held her tighter than you ever had to before. It wouldn’t be the first time she cracked a headboard, but she liked this one enough that she wanted to keep it intact. “Stop, stop! Malyshka, I can’t-” 

“She can. Keep going on and see what happens.” You were inclined to believe Natasha; as much as she loved to push buttons, she would never put her wife in a truly unwanted position especially when she was too powerless to truly get herself out. For your part, the sight of Wanda convulsing above you was too good of a view to pass up, taking mischievous pleasure in the way she jumped each time you pinched her clit between your teeth just the slightest bit. “You wanted to cum? Well now you’re going to give me one more.”

Her cries weren’t new to you. You’d heard them many a night after you’d come home from the bar and if you ever spotted them, it was always attached to Natasha pushing Wanda’s limits until she broke. Frequently it was all you could think about when you had moments to yourself, brain filled with the fantasy and now that it was right in front of you, there was no way you couldn’t make it a reality, even if it was just this once. “No, it’s too much! I can’t.. I’m gonna-”

“You will.” Natasha was so sure of it, you knew you had to make Wanda fall over that edge she was fighting against just one more time. You hadn’t thought your face could be more soaked than it already was, but Wanda proved you wrong. This time she came with a sharp gasp, tensing around your head until all Wanda took over each of your senses. All you could smell, see, taste was the brunette and you never wanted to leave. She’d made a mess of your mouth and chin, surely dripping past your cheeks and onto the pillows by now, but none of it bothered you and absentmindedly you wondered if this feeling right now was better than any orgasm. 

“I told you, she’s always got something up her sleeve.” Vaguely you were aware of Natasha pulling Wanda away from you, mostly by the lack of warmth around your head, but you laid still, perfectly content. Natasha hovered above you, a wide grin plastered across her face. “You did so well, dove...” She leant in close for a kiss, something you thought a sweet gesture until she was licking over your lips. At first you parted them and she indulged you, dominating the kiss as she nipped along the shape of your mouth. 

After a while Natasha pulled away, her tongue drawing a line up your throat as a lonely whine erupted from it. You’d just been so consumed, it hurt to be left alone and you needed her back, even if she was only a few inches apart. “Tash…” The nickname slipped out before you could stop it, but Natasha didn’t correct you; maybe she was too aroused to care this time. 

“Hush, baby, you’re alright.” She kissed you again, the two of you sharing the lingering taste of Wanda and moaning into each other. “I think it’s safe to say you made her happy enough to finally give you what you want.” 

Natasha hoisted you up to your knees, taking in your current state of disarray in mock concern. “Oh you poor thing, so tense…” Her hand slipped between your thighs, dragging two skilled fingers through your folds where you were positively dripping. It took almost no time for you to whimper and beg for more attention, hips jerking wildly for anything you could find. The two other women found it painfully enticing, the deep hunger to finally fully claim you as theirs rising. “Wands, can you take care of her yet? Or can I keep her occupied for you first?” 

The brunette shot up at her proposal, eyes still a tad hazy, but determined. “Get your own if you want someone first, sweetheart.” Wanda had to stretch to grab at her nightstand, standing on shaky legs only long enough to secure the harness you’d waited to see for so long. You were drooling, you were sure; the sight of the thick toy both intimidating and leaving you feeling more empty than you’d ever felt before. 

“That’s what I have you for.” Natasha mocked, pecking her wife’s cheeks once she’d settled back onto the mattress. Meanwhile, you were practically leaping into Wanda’s arms, wrapping yourself around her just to cling to anything at all. Wanda let Natasha’s comment go in favor of shushing you, hands rubbing over your back while you frantically pushed your face into the crook of her neck. She knew what you needed, even without your muffled whining and as you pressed your pelvis against her strap at just the right angle to let your neglected clit have the most enticing friction, Wanda was more than excited to give you everything you wanted and more.

“Calm down, I’m right here. Mommy’s got you..” You let up just enough to plead with her, eyes wide with need; when she testingly pressed the tip against your entrance, it took everything in you to wait and not just sit on it instantly. “Now?”

You nodded wildly, completely sure of yourself at that moment. “Yes, god please.. I need you so bad!” Wanda hummed as she pushed you down onto her strap, fueled by you saying you needed her specifically. If only you knew she needed you just as much, thriving off just how dependent you were on her. Natasha came behind you to hold your hips, thankfully just in time because without her, you’d have gone fully limp. The simple feeling of being full of Wanda, finally sitting in her lap where you were stretched and ready for her… you were trying so hard not to cum on the spot. “Move.. please..” 

In the future, Wanda would make sure to coerce you to ride her, but tonight, you were beyond gone; there was no way you’d have the focus to do so. She started slow, judging how well you’d adjusted to the toy, but the pace wore on you both and it only took a minute or two before she was fucking into you steadily. “Don’t worry, dove. I’ll take care of you, you don’t have to do anything.”

You nodded as best you could, trying so hard not to cry out too soon even as Natasha moved your hips in time with Wanda’s thrusts. There was no way you could’ve kept up without the other woman’s help, Wanda’s now fast motions forcing any thoughts that weren’t on the burning stretch between your legs far, far away. If you died right here, you wouldn’t notice, way too caught up in the women sandwiching you to be bothered with anything else. “M-Mommy.. feels good…” 

It felt way more than just good, both Wanda and Natasha could tell you were almost completely blissed out in just a few minutes of their focus turned to you. Maybe if you could spare a moment to process your situation, it’d be embarrassing how close you were so quickly. Try as you might, you couldn’t find it in yourself to care. You’d waited too long to mind anymore.

“Is mommy fucking you real good, baby?” Natasha’s lips were right at your ear, her grip tight on your sides as she kept you in place, “Is it everything your needy little pussy dreamed of?” She could only assume you were agreeing with her, your noises as incoherent as they were loud. One look at Wanda and she could tell her wife was oh so pleased with herself, the payoff from denying all three of you clearly oh so worth it for her. Natasha was the one known for control, but Wanda was nowhere near lacking. Hers came in subtle ways such as this, waiting until you were obsessed, hopelessly dependent, and far too deep to realize she was always the one getting her way.

Wanda stroked your cheek slowly, gently, trying to coax you into taking a few deep breaths. She doubted you realized you were mumbling against her skin, begging almost silently; it was so cute, Wanda nearly wished she was filming you. No matter, there was always next time. “No one even had to prep you.. You were just so ready for us, weren’t you?” She watched your head fall back as she shifted her angle, hitting that perfect spot and making you give up any hope of keeping your orgasm at bay.

A strong hand pulled your chin down until Wanda was in view once more. She was saying something about wanting to watch you, but you couldn’t respond, your entire body fixated on finally reaching the high you’d dreamt of for so long. “...need to cum.. please-” 

Both women chuckled at your babbling, faintly registering Natasha’s lips on your shoulder as Wanda cracked a smile, “This is your reward, baby doll. You can cum whenever you’d like, go on, you earned it.” 

“Thank you mommy…!” It couldn’t have been more than a few seconds before you were cumming, cunt clenching hard on Wanda’s strap while she fucked you through such blinding ecstasy, you were sure your bones had gone soft. There wasn’t a moment you’d been left alone, either Wanda or Natasha’s hands somewhere on your body, keeping you grounded even as you felt completely untethered. You wished you could thank them for their attentiveness, but your jaw was helplessly slack.

What finally brought you back was Wanda carefully lifting you from her lap, your still tingling legs trying and failing to keep you locked down. She was unfazed by your protests, shushing you like she would a child, “Shh, don’t make a fuss, you’ve been so good. You’re going to let Natty have a turn with you.” As soon as Wanda finished speaking, you shut up, immediately ready to be filled again. You hadn’t stopped thinking about the bulge you’d felt under Natasha’s pants two nights prior, or how amazing it would feel taking you apart.

The second the tip of her strap nudged your entrance, you tried to sink down on it, but Natasha held you firm, preferring to lead you down on it herself. Even then it didn’t take long, your first orgasm from Wanda leaving you open and easy to use. “You took it all so quickly… gonna let me fuck you now, sweetheart?” You were nodding before she could finish, pushing your hips back into her in desperation, already craving another orgasm from the redhead behind you. Her hand snaked around your front, spread fingers pushing into your lower belly despite your whines, “Can you feel me filling you up, dove? Pressing into your sweet tummy?”

“Mhmm.. ‘love it..” And truly, you did. Something about the near painful fullness between your legs was addicting and you never wanted to let it go. But then Natasha drew back, leaving you shockingly empty just long enough for her to shove herself back in. Unlike Wanda, Natasha’s pace was instantly brutal, rendering you speechless each time she bottomed out in your stretched cunt, “Daddy… t-that’s hard-”

You couldn’t see Natasha, only hear her fake pity, mocking your pleas while her teeth scraped down the back of your neck. She wasn’t apologetic in the slightest; you wanted her to fuck you, this is what it was like. “Aww, did someone think I’d be gentle like my wife? Don’t be so fragile, you can take it.” 

Strained arms tightened around Wanda’s neck, leaning on her completely as your panting turned heavy. “Natalia, be careful, don’t hurt her.” Natasha rolled her eyes, not once even thinking of letting up. Wanda always treated you like such a precious porcelain doll, but cherished as you may be, Natasha knew you weren’t unhappy. 

Not when you were soaking her strap so much she could slide you up and down like it was nothing. “She can take it, Wanda. She loves it.. Isn’t that right, little one, daddy’s tough girl.” You moaned out against Wanda’s collarbone, bracing yourself for the next wave of pleasure you were just out of reach from. Wanda pulled your head back for a kiss just as you began to cry out, the brunette swallowing your sinful noises as your hips stuttered and shook atop Natasha’s thighs. There was no way the sheets beneath you weren’t ruined, evidence of your orgasm smeared over both you and Nat. 

You took a breath, tried to at least, but Natasha’s thrusts never let up, keeping you on the edge of something equal parts intoxicating and overwhelming just like the woman herself. “Can’t.. no more..” But this time it was Wanda who spoke up, pressing quick kisses over your flushed nose and cheeks while her hand slid between the two of you. 

“Just do one more. For the both of us, please, baby?” You wanted to cry, you were going to, tears filling your eyes as two fingers rubbed over your swollen bud. It was all too much and not enough; you needed both of them to let you fall just once more— if only you could stay coherent long enough to reach it. You felt like your whole body was spasming, every touch Wanda or Natasha gave almost stinging your skin, but you didn’t want it to end. Not ever. 

Natasha came to a slow stop, working you down as steadily as she’d brought you up. You were thankful for it really, much too used to being left alone once you’d finished; this was infinitely nicer. When she backed up to ease you out, Wanda took over and encouraged you to rest your exhausted body atop hers which you did readily. “You did amazing, such a good job… How do you feel?” 

Speaking would still be too much, your throat tight from your long night. Instead you snuggled into Wanda, hoping your happy hums against her chest would be enough to soothe any concerns she may have. If her gentle coddling was any indication, she understood. “Good girl. You just lay here and if you need anything, let me know however you can. Do you understand?”

You nodded your agreement, finding Wanda’s hand to give it a weak squeeze as she settled against the headboard to allow you both to stretch your legs. Natasha was the one to pull a blanket over the two of you before sliding in next to her wife. With a lazy peek upwards, you saw Natasha whisper something indiscernible into Wanda’s ear and after a minute to process, the brunette nodded. She let Natasha smooth her hair down; an action so intimate, there was no way Wanda would’ve allowed it in her earlier state.

The last thing you remember was Natasha’s hand behind your head, lips warm and sweet against your temple. It would be so easy to get used to this. “Get some rest, we’ll be right here.” Natasha wasn’t really a talker, not unless something needed to be said. Consequently, her reassuring words felt even more comforting and as soon as her hand joined Wanda’s on your back, drawing slow patterns while she watched over you, your heart melted right along with your muscles.

“Do you feel better or will we have to continue to suffer with snippy Wanda?” Natasha wound her free arm around Wanda, pulling her in until her head rested against her bare shoulder. Wanda only gave a grunt of disapproval, focusing on your sleeping form draped over her. She wasn’t in the mood for any more of Natasha’s antics tonight— truly she was fed up for a good while. 

Natasha could sense it, both from Wanda’s silence and her stiffness. It was Wanda who introduced Natasha to the idea of a post-sex cuddle; not that she was particularly good at it, but it was what she wanted. The first time she’d fallen into Natasha was awkward, made more so by the lack of reciprocation, but she’d hung on anyways even as her partner stayed stiff as a board. Now the older woman knew Wanda like the back of her hand and if she was still the rigid one, Natasha wasn’t fully off the hook yet. “I’m sorry for provoking you.”

“And?” Wanda’s voice was firm, unwavering.

“I’m a stubborn idiot.” Finally she was granted eye contact, only to be given an expectant look of pursed lips and a quirked eyebrow. Still, Natasha could see tiredness in Wanda’s eyes, how she fought off sleep just to prove her point with her wife. The only thing Wanda hated more than Natasha’s annoying plots were letting her think she’d gotten away with them. And she was the one admitting stubbornness.

“And?” Natasha had half a mind to just give up and try again tomorrow. She wanted to sleep next to Wanda too much to fall back into that now. 

She sighed, throwing her head back dramatically, “And I shouldn’t have played with your favorite little teddy bear just to piss you off.” When she righted herself, Wanda was smiling. She was poorly holding back a laugh, face half muffled in your hair as she tried and failed to hide. Natasha bit the inside of her cheek the moment she realized Wanda wanted to see how far she could push her apology. She’d fallen for it enough times over the years, anyone would think Natasha could see right through it— they underestimated how much she would do to see her happy again. “Are we done now, can we sleep?”

“Mmm.. I suppose so. I forgive you.” The last part was a yawn, Wanda sinking down into Natasha’s embrace and closing her eyes. She shifted just enough to lay both you and her on your sides, sandwiching you between her and Natasha. For a moment as you wiggled, she was scared she’d woken you, but you only burrowed deeper, easily enjoying her chest as a pillow. “Sweet little thing.”

“I’ll order us breakfast tomorrow. Something tells me it’s going to be a late morning.” Natasha made sure you and Wanda were nicely settled before relaxing into plush pillows, exhaling a deep, content breath as her body unwound. She let her own eyes close now, fully ready for a much needed sleep back in her own bed. 

“You’re not going to run off to get back at me, are you?” The question was so small, so insecure compared to just a minute ago. Angry as they might be with one another, they’d never lied. If it was something Natasha was thinking of, she’d tell her. Wanda didn’t know if she should be scared of the answer. Natasha hadn’t left like that in years and when she did, it was a mistake; they’d been so young and spitefulness kept her away for a week. It hurt Wanda much more than she’d ever expected and now it was a fear she had to still every time her error reared its ugly head.

“That’s abandonment, silly girl.” Natasha stretched over you, just enough to reach Wanda for a long kiss. One that was way overdue. “I never want to leave you, Wanda. My home is here with you.” Her thumb swiped under Wanda’s eyes, wiping away the anxious tears that pooled before she could stop them. Wanda was prone to these bouts of sensitivity after she exploded, the quiet aftermath of her thunderous storm. “I love you more than anything.”

“I love you too,” Wanda’s smile was sleepy but genuine, just barely hanging on to consciousness. She snuggled against your back, your warm body lulling her further and further away. The weight of you combined with Natasha’s strong arm under her head was an intoxicating level of comfort and safety. She’d have to talk to you tomorrow about sleeping with them more often. “Now let me sleep.”

Natasha rolled her eyes, immediately regretting how she flopped back to the mattress as you groaned. She swore she used to hate cuddling, but now with you and Wanda both happily snuggling against each other and her, she knew she’d be getting it twice as much now; she didn’t mind it. “Fine, get some rest, sleepyheads.”

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