#anyway I think Cruel Summer played through all my dreams last night

[autisticlancemcclain]

“Keith?”

Keith hums. “Yeah, Lance?”

Lance doesn’t answer right away. Keith can hear his breathing, quicker than everyone else’s, if only slightly. After all they’re the only ones awake. Everyone else is conked right out, curled up around the low-burning embers of their campfire. He’s quiet long enough that Keith is half-convinced that he isn’t actually awake, and only called out for Keith in his sleep.

(Keith couldn’t stop the smile spreading across his face if he tried. He doesn’t try, though. The idea of Lance dreaming about him is a nice one.)

There’s a sharp intake of breath from beside him, confirming Lance is not asleep, then a beat of hesitation.

“Do you ever wonder what happens when we die?”

Keith blinks. He opens his mouth to answer, but stops himself. He looks up at the unfamiliar stars, tracing random constellations. There’s a sword, where Orion usually is during Earth summers. And a lick of flame, replacing the Big Dipper.

The brightest star in the sky shines red.

“No,” Keith says softly. “It’s — dangerous. Letting myself think about that. We’re too close, you know? I don’t want my last thought to be panicking about what’s to come. I want it to be — not that. I don’t know.”

“Oh.”

Keith waits for Lance to offer an explanation, a reason for his curiosity, or even a subject change. When nothing comes Keith shifts, propping himself up on his elbow and glancing over at the red paladin.

“Why do you ask? Just curious?”

It’s a long time, again, until Lance answers, but this time Keith knows he’s not asleep. He’s tense, lying ramrod straight, head centred on his pillow and arms hooked over his blanket. His brown eyes — almost black in the dark night — stare straight up, but there’s something off about his expression, something fixed and plastic.

“I was surprised, is all. It was — nothing like I expected.”

It takes a moment for Keith to process what Lance said. He almost wishes he hadn’t, when it finally clicks. Never in his life has cold dread seeped through his bones so quickly.

“…What?” He can barely hear his own voice. He can’t at all, actually, the hoarse shock of it swallowed up by the crackling of the coals and cooing of nocturnal insects and wildlife.

Lance, though, must have heard him anyway, or been expecting his shock, because the plastic stiffness melts from his expression as he shoots straight up, scrambling to his feet and pacing back and forth barely paces away from the small flames. Bizarrely, Keith chokes down the urge to warn Lance about the uneven ground that he might trip on.

“I — I was never religious, you know?” One of his hands tugs at his hair, making the dark curls frizzy the more he messes with it. The other waves frantically back and forth, faster with every word. “None of us really were. But Mamá dragged us to church anyway. Every Sunday. Maybe to give us something to be bored about, I don’t know. She never really explained herself. I didn’t ask.” Lance stops abruptly, loud hands freezing, marching back to his bedroll and standing on it for a moment, looking lost. “I don’t — it’s not that I liked it. It was boring as hell. But I — I guess I believed some of it. I dunno.” Before Keith can blink he collapses on top of his blankets, like his strings have been cut. Both hands slide in his hair, now, dark strands clenched between his fingers, elbows resting on his knees. “It was just…dark, though,” he says softly. “Empty.”

Keith feels as if he’s encased in ice. His heart pounds, galloping against his chest, rushing blood through his ears so quickly he can hardly hear anything else. Part of him hopes Lance is playing some kind of cruel joke, but he knows he isn’t.

“When did you —” he doesn’t even know how to phrase it. Hell, he doesn’t know what he’s phrasing, really. “What —” He trails off again, lost. He looks at Lance blankly. Something bitter floods his mouth.

He imagines, for a moment, making this trek home without Lance. It’s not something he’s allowed himself to think about before. Even with Shiro missing, he’d stubbornly refused to even entertain the idea that Shiro was gone for good. The only time he’d let himself think about it was — was Naxzela. And even then, he was the one sure would be going.

They come to him now, unbidden, thoughts. About life — without Lance. Without his loud teasing and big smiles and quiet kindness, without his begrudging but unwavering support, his steady hands and clear voice as he says we’re all behind you, Keith, we’ve got you. I’ve got you.

A tear burns hot down his cheek, startling him back to the stillness of the night, the cool air and quiet noise. Another follows, and another, and then he’s swallowing the giant lump in his throat and holding back a sob.

“You nearly…when?” He can’t bring himself to say the word, to ask directly. To ask would make it real, concrete.

“The Omega Shield,” Lance whispers. He has yet to look up, but has stopped pulling so harshly on his hair. “A blast just —” he shudders. “Right through me an’ Red. You know when — when it’s cold out, and you walk a while without gloves? And your hands get so cold they burn?”

“Yeah,” Keith says softly. His lips taste of salt.

Lance glances at him. His eyes are big and brown and desperate, aching. Glassy, wet and ready to break. “It was like that. All over. Like every molecule was tearing itself apart, like I was unravelling. I was almost grateful when it stopped.”

“And when it stopped?” Keith chokes out.

“Nothing. Endless, nothingness. For a thousand eternities. I lived and grew and died for the rest of time, alone.” Lance heaves, like he’s about the sob or throw up or both.

The first tear finally drips down Lance’s face, tracing from the corner of his eye down his nose, pausing at the tip of it before dropping, finally, into his lap. It springs Keith into action, and before he can even think he surges forward, gathering him in his arms and pulling him into his lap, squeezing tightly and rocking them back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. Lance doesn’t so much as twitch, crying great hiccuping sobs into Keith’s chest.

“I’m afraid to sleep,” he chokes out. “I haven’t in days. Every time I do I’m terrified I won’t wake up.”

“I’ve got you,” Keith assures, at a total loss. He lays his hand on the back of Lance’s head, holding him tightly. He can feel Lance’s heartbeat where their chests are pressed together, stuttering and sprinting.

“I don’t want to die.”

“You’re not gonna die.”

Lance only sobs again. Keith is aghast, terrified to hold him any tighter but unsure of what else to do. Lance has never been fragile, to him. He’s more stubborn than an ox, a streak of fire lighting up his spine, dark eyes shining with fury every time his forehead’s pressed to Keith’s, screeching ‘till he’s blue in the face that he’s right and Keith’s wrong and he’s gonna show it to him, just you wait and see. He’s seen Lance angry, seen him annoyed, seen him golden with the fire of competition and glowing with the brightness of his laughter. He’s seen Lance worn and insecure. Never, not once in the years Keith has known him and fought with him and led with him, has he seen Lance fragile.

But he is, right now. Now, quivering in Keith’s arms, sobs shaking his frame, Keith feels like he’s holding him together, like if he lets go Lance will shatter to shards on the floor.

So Keith holds him. He holds him until his arms ache, and past that. He holds him until his shirt is soaked and cold in the chilly air, until his knees burn from the tiny bumps of the ground. He holds him until Lance’s sobs peter out, until the orange sun of the system they’re stopping in peeks out from the horizon, stars blinking out of sight.

Hours later, Lance shifts, pulling away slightly. Keith holds tighter, refusing to let him pull away too far.

“Don’t,” Keith says, before Lance can apologize.

That cracks a smile on Lance’s face, to his own surprise. “No?” His voice is wrecked, throat no doubt raw.

“Save your apologies for when you actually do something stupid,” Keith affirms. He hesitates a second, then reaches out, brushing the frazzled curls from Lance’s forehead and wiping the tears from his cheeks. Lance winces slightly as Keith’s thumb brushes his cheekbone.

Keith pulls away. “Sorry. Rough hands.”

But Lance’s hand darts out and grabs Keith’s. “No, it’s — I don’t mind it.” He places it back on his face, shutting his eyes, breath shuddering. His sleeve falls down his arm.

Keith narrows his eyes. Criss-crossing Lance’s arms are dozens of jagged white scars, like lightning bolts across his skin.

“I wake up with more every day,” Lance explains, noticing Keith’s expression. “I was — I died, Keith.”

Keith flinches. Lance swallows, carrying on.

“I felt my heart stop. I don’t know how long, but it was…there was a severance. Something permanent. I felt it.” He runs his hands through his hair again, but much gentler this time. A fidget instead of a panicked tugging. The roots are white, like Shiro’s. “Allura did her best, I think. But I was gone so long. And she’d never done it before.”

“Is everything…working alright?” It’s an awkward way to say it. But Keith doesn’t know how else to say am I going to lose you? Later? Are you here to stay?

Lance shrugs. “I don’t know. I didn’t ask.”

“Why?”

“I don’t want to hear her tell me it’s not.”

“I don’t want to wake up one day and find out — find out, Lance.”

Lance swallows. “I know. I don’t — what do I —”

“We’ll talk to her,” Keith promises. “We’ll figure it out. I’ve got you, Lance.”

Lance’s chin trembles, but he slumps forward, exhausted. “Promise?”

“Yes.”

“Okay.” He’s silent for a moment, face tucked in Keith’s neck. The muffled sounds of the team waking up starts to fill the air. “I’m tired, Keith.”

“I’ll watch for you. I’ll make sure you wake up.”

“Okay,” Lance whispers again. Keith feels his eyelashes flutter closed, feels his heartbeat slow, his breathing even. “I trust you.”

As Lance starts to grow heavier in his arms, Keith tightens his hold. He presses a kiss to the top of Lance’s head.

“I’ve got you.”

I won’t let you fade away.

———

part two

#part two will be here tomorrow and involve coran!! #vld #voltron #keith #keith kogane #lance #lance mcclain #klance #omega shield #post s6 #red paladin lance #black paladin keith #langst #brown-eyed lance #hurt/comfort #my writing #fic #longpost

[feathersandfoxtails]

15 questions to get to know me

Bestie @oonajaeadira didn't tag me in this but I'm gonna do it anyway just to spite her.

1. are you named after anyone?

No and I'm a bit salty about that. I have two brothers and they both have family names. My name was picked at random and my middle name was originally going to be my first name until my mother heard a terrible nickname for it at the grocery store. I am so thankful for that because I HATE my middle name and don't use it unless legally required.

2. when was the last time you cried?

Last night! It was just a few tears, but I just started watching Euphoria and have been cruising through it and watched Season 2 episode 5, "Stand Still Like the Hummingbird," which was gut-wrenching and also one of the best episodes of TV I've ever seen.

3. do you have kids?

Nope and that's not going to happen. For the longest time I didn't want kids and then I went through a few years where I did, and now I'm just happy being the weird aunt to kids who aren't even related to me.

4. do you use sarcasm a lot?

I try not to. The majority of the time it comes off as cruel to me.

5. what’s the first thing you notice about people?

Weirdly, their hair. It's weird because I know nothing about hair or hairstyles but maybe my eyes just start with the top of the head when I meet someone. But I find myself thinking a lot, "wow, they have cool hair!"

6. what’s your eye colour?

Yellow ring around the pupil, blue ring around the outside, green in the middle. I do love them even though an optometrist once asked me what I say my eye color is and I said, "hazel?" uncertainly and they replied, completely deadpan, "That's a made-up color." So I just say "green."

Also fun fact: my dad and I have the exact same weird eye color AND are the only two in my immediate family who are near sighted.

7. scary movies or happy endings?

scary! sometimes I need a good happy ending, but a lot of the time I get mad when I feel like it's not earned.

8. any special talents?

I'm a really fast learner of anything I'm interested in. Also very good at teaching myself new skills.

9. where were you born?

a stupid town in Minnesota. but now I live in an awesome city in Minnesota and never go back there.

10: what are your hobbies?

Reading, writing, video games, puzzles, knitting, gardening, house projects, and hiking. I just want to be an old timey spinster.

11. have you any pets?

I have the best pets! My two black cats who are twin boys (from the same litter). They're sweet and snuggly and sometimes are assholes and are very entertaining. They totally make my life better and the three of us are super bonded.

12: what sports do you play/have you played?

Growing up my dad and older brother were really into sports and I tried to follow suit but was terrible at everything I tried. I did softball, basketball, tennis, and golf. My other problem was I just didn't care about winning or not and everyone else did, which I thought was dumb. I just wanted to have fun.

Thankfully I also did music and theatre and thrived in those. When I was older I trained in martial arts for ten years, which was the first time I realized all the things my body could do because I wasn't competing, just learning. I also do open water swimming in the summers, just because I really like to swim.

13: how tall are you?

5′9″

14. favourite subject in school?

"Language Arts" (English) was always my favorite, as well as orchestra, theatre, and art.

15. dream job?

I want to be retired and travel a lot. Seriously. If I had the choice, I would not work. Or maybe run a B&B in Costa Rica.

tagging: @beecastle @serpentstyles @nissameta1782 @trinikins @sunflowersturn and anyone else who is interested: MAKE A NEW POST with your answers!

#personal

[apple-grass-and-smiles]

Shiny Toy With a Price

Once again I have committed the fandom version of a hit-and-run by delivering a single story based on a Taylor Swift song and then fleeing the scene of the crime. This one is based on/around Cruel Summer and there are a few little hints buried throughout the story that reference it. I hope you enjoy.

Summary: That summer was particularly hot and cruel and it hadn't rained since May. (Or Bruce wants to label his relationship with Selina and she is adamantly against such an idea.)

If asked to describe the summer of Year Zero, Selina would immediately respond that it was the hottest summer of her life. Whether or not this was actually the case is up for debate, but it certainly felt like the hottest summer. And a lot of Gothamites agreed. It hadn’t rained since May and by the time July rolled around, any plant that hadn’t been tended to religiously was dead and people were desperately praying for any amount of rain. The streets were full of people in as few items of clothing as they could be, water with ice in it was treated like pure gold, and people would huddle in groups to be in front of one of the few working air conditioners.

What only a handful of people knew, and one of the secrets you couldn’t pay Selina to spill, was that Bruce and Alfred’s small apartment was one of the only places with a working, refrigerated air conditioning system. Bruce has claimed the apartment early enough after the bridges blew and Alfred has booby trapped it enough that no one was ever able to really vandalize the small 3-bed, 2-bath apartment. That apartment, with it’s pink wallpaper that Alfred and Selina had painted a deep blue in the early morning one of the first days she was able to walk and the doors that squeaked no matter how much oil she and Bruce poured on the hinges, quickly became her refuge during the Hottest Summer Ever.

The apartment was about four blocks away from the GCPD and a five-minute walk if you used the roofs (seven minutes if you used the regular streets). It wasn’t unusual for Bruce to get up before the sun and head to the police station, at which point Selina, who had usually camped out on the small fire escape outside his window, would sneak in and take her turn getting a couple of hours of sleep. It was a weird set-up, which seemed fitting considering how Selina had no idea how this year would be remembered once the bridges were back and Bruce lived in a mansion that wasn’t full of board games with mismatched pieces and her clothes and the truly disgusting alcohol that Alfred had gotten from Lucius that one time. But then again, things had always been weird for them and there was nothing to indicate anything would change any time soon.

Looking back on it now, years after the incident and years after Bruce left and years after she became Catwoman and a socialite and years before Bruce will return dressed as a bat, Selina doesn’t know if she regrets the night they stole Alfred’s vodka or if she just wishes it has happened sooner so that maybe they could have figured everything out before he jumped on a plane headed to somewhere Selina wasn’t.

Rule one of nights that Alfred was out was that Selina must always supply snacks. The rule had started when they were much younger and Selina had taught him how to get snacks out of a vending machine without paying. He had, of course, refused to try this more than once because it was all about the “research” and would be “irresponsible to steal something as small as a pack of potato chips”. Selina had found the sentiment to be one of the most ridiculous ones he had ever shared and then promptly determined that she would always have some stolen vending machine snacks on her when she saw him. That had quickly stopped meaning that she brought the food back to her squat where he’d be waiting and started to mean that she snuck Twinkies and gummy worms and flat soda into his mansion where the small offerings seems stupid and inconsequential in comparison to Alfred’s expertly-made quiches and chocolates from Germany and steakss that cost more than Selina wanted to think about. But the bridges blowing had changed things and once again she was able to offer a valuable commodity and she certainly loved that more than shyly passing Bruce a half-eaten oatmeal creme pie when he could have bought the factory that made it with his pocket change.

So, it was for that reason that Selina snuck through the window that July evening with her arms full of treats with enough processed sugar to kill a man. She had found a vending machine a few blocks away that was mostly full since it has been vandalized past the point of being recognized as a vending machine many years earlier. Bruce, who looked like he hadn’t even considered sleeping for at least a month, greeted her with an exceptionally jubilant smile.

“We figured it out!” he exclaimed as he helped her unload the snacks on the small table.

“The water?”

“Yeah! We just altered one of the old water purifiers and then added on... “ he paused, looking at her with a slightly resigned face. “We made a new water purifier from some old ones and some other tech.”

“Thanks for the dumbed down version. Do you want Twizzlers or Red Vines?” Selina asked holding up one packet in each hand. Bruce paused for a moment, considering, before grabbing the Twizzlers. Selina smiled to herself; Bruce hated Twizzlers and must have known the ones he had just taken would be as hard as a rock, but he also knew that Red Vines were her favorite. Even if that wasn’t the thought process that had gone into his candy selection, she was going to assume that it was. She was in a city full of criminals, cut off from the rest of the world and would probably die of heat stroke if the weather didn’t let up soon; she should be allowed to entertain some slightly romantic ideas.

“So,” she said as she plopped down on the couch with Red Vines in one hand and her arms and legs slung over every inch of the piece of furniture. “What now? You wanna lose another game of Monopoly?”

Bruce shot her a glare from the kitchen before he came and settled on the coffee table next to the couch. “I would have won if you hadn’t cheated and you know it.” (Selina rolled her eyes at that.) “But I actually have something much better.”

“Do tell…”

“Yahtzee.”

If Selina’s eyebrows could have risen any higher they would have touched her hair line. “Yahtzee?”

“Yahtzee. Plus some gambling.”

“Okay… Explain.”

Bruce laid out the rules. The game would play normally, but they would have to place bets on what they would roll. Each round they would bet something small and as the game went on, what they bet would have to increase in value.

By the time they had finished the first game (Selina won), the pair had discovered some issues with the rules of the game as they stood. Namely, they ran out of things to bet very, very quickly and it had reached the point where Bruce was betting Alfred’s things and Selina was trying to bet random items she found in Bruce’s room (she had bet a very pricey watch his father had bought him for his tenth birthday and her heart had nearly stopped thinking about the price what she likely saw as simply a shiny toy) and it had simply devolved into a very low-stakes game once it became clear none of the items would actually change hands at the end of the night.

Bruce, always one to try and fix any problem presented to him, searched around the apartment to find any way to spice up this game that was rapidly becoming boring when Selina threw a couch pillow at him.

“I’ve got it. You remember that vodka Lucius gave Alfred a couple months ago? The stuff they found in that raid?” Bruce nodded slowly, not entirely certain where Selina was going with this train of thought but pretty certain he would be regretting going along with it in the morning. “We play the game the same way, but, instead of betting objects, we bet how many shots we take.”

“That seems like a great way to get alcohol poisoning.”

“C’mon! It won’t kill us and we can come up with some excuse about, I don’t know, someone stealing it if Alfred ever notices that it’s gone. It’ll be fun.” Selina, who at this point was standing on the couch to talk to Bruce from his vantage point in the kitchen, did her best to give him a sweet face. Instead of a response, Bruce simply grabbed the vodka and rolled his eyes as the setting sun behind him gave him a faintly angelic halo. One day, Bruce figured, Selina would realize she wouldn’t ever have to try and convince him to join her in things. One day she’d figure out that he followed her not because he thought her ideas were good or because he was curious or because he had no other choice. Hopefully, one day she’d realize that he was ready to follow her off of a cliff not to figure out what was at the bottom of siad cliff, but because she was the one to walk off of it.

Another hour passed and as the sun finally set a cool breeze began to blow through the apartment. It was with all the windows open in the apartment and the faint sounds of music coming from the apartment’s kitchen that Selina screamed ‘yahtzee’ and emerged from the game victorious once again. Both teens laughed as Bruce finished the bottle in resignation. Neither of them were strangers to alcohol, but this was the first time they had actually been drunk at the same time. Normally they simply had angry confrontations where one was sober and the other was not, but this situation, with both more than a little high on each other’s company, the sinking temperatures, and the relief of having survived another day, was infinitely preferable to their other drunken encounters. Bruce swept the dice into the mostly destroyed box they had found them in as Selina laid back on the couch, playing with one of the die she had snagged at the end of the game.

Once the game was put away, Bruce came to sit down, lifting Selina’s legs and settling down on the couch before lowering them onto his lap. The two sat in companionable silence for a few minutes before Bruce broke the silence.

“Hey. Are you okay?”

Confused what would spark such a random question, Selina looked at him quizzically. “Uh. Yeah. Why?”

“I was just thinking that I really don’t know where you sleep and we have an extra room here and it just seems ridiculous that you’d be wandering around Gotham where you can get hurt when you could be here and with us and safe and I just don’t know why you’d risk everything just to avoid staying here-”

“You think I’m avoiding staying here? Why would you think that?” Selina was sitting up on the couch now, curling her legs under her to look Bruce in the face.

Bruce played with his hands and stared out the window, “I just figured you wanted to keep us a secret, like you did when we were younger. You didn’t like labeling things and I figured you stayed away and didn’t live with us because you were scared of being labeled.”

“Okay,” Selina held up her hands. “What exactly do you think we are? Because I thought we were just friends hanging out and friends don’t live with friends when they’re stuck on an island full of criminals and separated from the rest of humanity.”

“Really? You think we’re just friends? Then what on Earth was up with you kissing me in Haven or sleeping in my bed when I leave in the morning or coming over for a date whenever Alfred is out? Do you kiss all your friends? What are the rules here, Selina? Because you may not need to know them but I do.”

“Why do there need to be rules and labels? Can’t we just be us? We’ve never needed rules before.” Selina tries not to shout but this conversation was tired and pointless the first time they had it all those years ago and it hasn’t gotten any better in the intervening time. He knows that labels freak her out and he knows that setting rules freak her out and he knows all of this because they’ve been over it so many times that she feels like she could have this argument in her sleep.

“Are you kidding me?” Bruce stands up and drags his hands over his face. “I’ve always needed the rules and the labels! And I can’t figure out why you don’t want them. Are you ashamed of me? Am I your dirty little secret?”

Selina is up in an instant, glaring up at Bruce. “That is insane and you know it! Everyone knows we’re connected. I’m not trying to keep that a secret.”

“Then why can’t I call you my girlfriend?” Bruce’s voice is raised at this point and it’s becoming painfully clear to both parties that this has escalated from their usual labels conversation to a drunken argument.

“Why does it matter that you call me that? It’s not going to change anything!”

“It’ll change everything! I’m tired of keeping you a secret!”

“From who? Who are you keeping me a secret from?  Because I’m pretty sure everyone knows that we’re-”

“We’re WHAT? When Jim asks me about you, do I say you’re just my friend? My girlfriend? An alley cat that spends more time in my apartment than Alfred does? I feel like I’m carrying us around as a secret everywhere and I can’t keep doing that. If we’re going anywhere with this, I need a label. I’m not going to keep you if it means keeping you as a secret.”

“Oh my… Bruce what does that even mean?”

Bruce’s hands are in his hair as he stares up at the ceiling in frustration. “It means that this is the ultimatum.”

Selina snorts before biting her lip and replying, “An ultimatum. Really? That’s where we’re at? I came over to hang out with you and now you’re giving me an ultimatum?”

“Yeah because every day I’m dying over trying to figure out what I mean to you and I can’t keep doing it. If I’m just your boyfriend then I’m happy to do that and if I’m just your friend then I’ll be honored to fill that role, but I cannot keep living in a realm where some days you’ll kiss me and other days you just want to be friends and then the other days where you’ll ignore me. I just need to know.”

For a moment, everything is silent except for the sound of the crickets outside and the quiet ticking of the clock. Selina shakes her head ever so slightly and stares at the ground as she whispers, “I could be bleeding and you’d be the last to know.”

“What?”

Slightly louder now as the tears begin to well in Selina’s eyes: “I could be bleeding and you’d be the last to know.”

“That’s ridiculous. What do you mean? We’re together constantly and of course I would know if you were bleeding and-”

“No,” there’s a small flame in Selina’s eyes now. “No, you wouldn’t because you don’t know that every day I’m bleeding and lying and saying I’m fine when really I'm dying and trying to figure out how I feel and waiting for you to cut me to the bone.”

“Then why don’t you tell me? Selina, I just want you to tell me these things so that I can-”

“HAVE A LABEL? Bruce, you want a label so badly and I don’t have one! We’re both feel like we’re always trying to make it work but we’re never making any progress and me sneaking in here every day is just sealing our fates so now we’re tied together and you want to know how I feel and I can’t tell you -”

“WHY? Why can’t you tell me? What could possibly be so bad that you can’t tell me?”

“What’s so bad? Bruce, don’t you get it? I LOVE YOU AND IT’S THE WORST THING TO EVER HAPPEN TO ME!”

Silence falls over the apartment again as Bruce sinks down onto the coffee table.

And then he looks up at her, meeting her eyes with his, and grins the most devilish grin she has ever seen and, for the first time since May, it starts to rain outside.

#guys I always do this #anyway I think Cruel Summer played through all my dreams last night #silence emily #I have a writing tag somewhere buried in here but I don't know where it is #and I'm not going to go looking for it at this point in time #batcat #Selina kyle #bruce wayne #gotham

[forever-rogue]

hi! if you’re accepting requests from prompt list #2, does angst to fluff count lol. 5 from angst, 49 from fluff lists! with reader thinking din loves someone else 🥺 i like mando x omera but.. reader who perhaps doesnt have the skills omera has and sees how din looks at her… THE ANGST 😌🤌

AN | Me, writing some Din? It’s been a hot minute, but here we are. I miss him 🥺

Warnings | None

Pairing | Din x Fem!Reader

Masterlist | Din, Main

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

A small sigh, a wistful little thing, escaped your lips as you studied the gently lapping water of the lake. It was calm here, a peaceful, tranquil place that served as a welcome refuge after all that you'd been through in the last few years. Sometimes it seemed almost too good to be true. The distant sounds of laughter met your ears as children ran around and played, carefree as could be. Sometimes you wished you were that young again; innocent to life’s darker sides. Unfortunately that wasn’t a possibility, but for now you’d take the peace and stillness you could get.

Pulling off your boots and socks, you quickly tossed them to the side. The water was warm as you relaxed and leaned back, closing your eyes and soaking up the warmth of the summer sun. It wasn’t until you heard the familiar voice that your eyes slowly snapped back opened. Your heart constricted slightly as you spotted Din nearby speaking to Omera. He seemed so happy, in a much better mood than you’d seen in a long time. It was all her, and you remained invisible. Which, when it came to most things wasn’t too bad, but sometimes you wished he would see you.

“Is somebody jealous?” you hadn’t even heard the bounty hunter walk over; you supposed that’s one of the many reasons he was the best in the galaxy. Boba offered a small grimace before sitting down next to you. You shrugged him off staring back into the water. You were not about to get into anything with Boba; that man was insufferable and usually right.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you brushed him off, trying desperately not to look back at Din. Instead, you focused on the water and watched the tiny fish whiz through the water; a few of them brushed by your feet, sending a ticklish shiver up your spine, “I’m just...enjoying the calm afternoon sun and soaking up as much peace before we inevitably leave again.”

“That’s how this all works,” Boba sighed as you nodded in agreement, “you knew that from the day you became my apprentice.”

“I know,” you whispered, “but I hoped at one point I could...walk away and have a normal life. Like this.”

“Normal is all relative,” he had a point as you huffed lightly and stood up, brushing off your pants and reaching for your boots, “but if this is what you want, what you truly want, you know you’re welcome to leave whenever. I would not hold you back from the life you wanted.”

“I know, Boba,” you put your hand on his shoulder and gave it a light squeeze, “the problem is that I don’t really know what I want...I think I know but...it’s more than that.”

“Of course,” he agreed, casting a quick glance at the object of your affections before turning back to you, “I’m sure you’ll figure it out.”

“Either way, it will work out, just as it always does,” you swallowed the lump that had welled up in your throat, “Boba, why are you doing this?”

“I just want to make sure you’re happy - that you know that you have choices in what you’re doing,” he said like it was no big deal, but to you it meant so much. This hardened, sometimes gruff man really did have a heart of gold underneath it all, “should you want to part ways, I would understand. Should you want to stay, I’d be more than happy to have you with me. I don’t know what the future holds for myself, Fennec, or Djarin, but you know it will not always be easy. But sometimes you have to decide what’s most important.”

“Yes,” you answered softly, “thank you, Boba.”

He remained silent as you laced up your boots before padding away, back towards the village. You knew you had a lot to think about and if you wanted things to change at all, you’d have to figure out something. You cast a glance over your shoulder and you were almost positive that you’d spotted Din looking in your direction. But it was all a trick of the mind; it had to be. Why would he spare you more than a passing thought anyways?

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

It was late by the time he found you; much later than any reasonable person should have been outside, but you couldn’t sleep. There was too much on your mind to silence, and if you managed to, it was short-lived and another thought came to replace the previous one. Eventually you’d given up and wandered out of the small hut home that had been acting as your own home for the last couple of months. You knew the area was safe and wanted to enjoy the temperate night air before it turned to a crisp fall breeze, or worse - you’d be gone.

Small bugs chirped happily along with the soft songs of nightbirds as you walked around the sleeping village; you weren’t scared here, you felt safe and at home. But as you rounded a corner, a gloved hand reached out and grabbed your wrist. A small yelp of surprise left your lips as you pulled into a wall of cool metal - beskar.

“Shhh,” Din placed a finger to his lips as you relaxed when you realized it was him, “you’ll wake everyone up. It’s just me.”

“Dank Farrik!” you hissed at him, “how was I supposed to know that? You could have been a murderer!”

“Well….you should be in bed sleeping.”

“So should you!” your arms crossed over your chest as you stared him down, and eventually he huffed in defeat, realizing you were right. He couldn’t sleep either, plagued by the choices he knew that he had to make sooner rather than later. He hadn’t expected you to be out as well, “what are you doing anyway?”

“Couldn’t sleep,” he admitted, scratching the back of his neck nervously, a flash of...something in his dark eyes, “I thought that some fresh air would clear my head.”

“Same here,” you admitted reluctantly, leaving the two of you in an awkward silence. You wished you had enough bravery (or perhaps even stupidity) in your body to just say something to him then and there. At least it would be out of the way; but you weren’t feeling anything but nervous butterflies fluttering in your tummy, “I...umm...I guess I’ll get back. Try and sleep.”

“Hey-” he reached for your arm gently before you could get too far away. You turned around and raised an eyebrow as he opened and closed his mouth a few times, “d-did I do something wrong?”

“What? What are you talking about?” the question caught you off guard, but judging by the look on his face, you could sense that this was something he had been thinking for some time.

“You’ve been different lately...it almost feels like you’re avoiding me.”

“Oh DIn, you’re being ridiculous,” and yet the accusation was very true.

“You’re fine around Boba, Fennec...everyone else. But every time I’m around it feels like you can’t wait to get away,” you should have known that he would have noticed sooner or later. The man was more observant than you’d cared to admit, “if I did something, please tell me.”

“You can’t be serious, Djarin. There’s nothing wrong…”

“Then why have you been avoiding me?”

“I haven’t been doing anything. You’ve got too much free time and your mind is running wild.”

“Tell me it’s not true then.”

“Din-”

“Tell me.”

“The problem is that you’re in love with someone else,” the words were out of your mouth before you even contemplated them. You were mortified and in some ways you were relieved. At least it was all out in the open now and you were able to let the chips land where they may.

“Oh,” was his only response as his head tilted to the side and he looked at you in confusion, “what?”

“I...kriff,” you sighed, “I shouldn’t have said that. Sorry - forget I said anything.”

“Who am I in love with?”

“What do you mean?” tears welled up in your eyes at his response; almost like a cruel joke, “you know, everyone knows! Omera; and why wouldn’t you be? She’s wonderful - kind, smart, beautiful … everything. Part of me wants to dislike her, but I can’t because she’s such a good person but it kills me a little bit to know that you love her and you’ll never even think twice about me. I know that’s super selfish but it’s the way I feel; and judging from how this is going I think I’m making the right decision by leaving. By myself.”

Din said nothing as a few tears rolled down your cheeks. You laughed bitterly at yourself before realizing that this might have been the best decision after all. You couldn’t stay after this.

It wasn’t long before Din came to his senses and ran after you, calling your name and catching up with a few easy strides. You came to a reluctant stop as you sniffled and waited for him to say something, despite the fact that you weren’t sure you wanted to hear whatever he had to say.

“I-I-I’m not in love with Omera,” he insisted as it became your turn to look at him in bewilderment, “I’m in love with you.”

“What?”

“I’ve been talking to her about you,” he confessed, “about how to do...this sort of thing. But then you started avoiding me and I wondered if maybe I’d read the signs wrong and you didn’t like me at all. At least not in that way.”

“I don’t….what?” you heard his words but weren’t able to fully comprehend them. This had to be some sort of weird fever dream. Din sighed - his trademark sigh - before ripping off his gloves and gently putting his hands on the sides of your face. He was hesitant at first, to see if you would stop him. But you didn’t...instead you relished in his touch, the feel of his bare skin on yours sending electric shivers throughout your whole body.

After a few moments of quietly studying your features, he leaned in and slowly pressed his lips against yours. It wasn’t a proper kiss by any means, hardly more than a ghost of one, but it felt...strangely wonderful. You looked at him in disbelief as he pulled back; was this really the same man that you’d met all that time ago that wouldn’t even tell anyone his name or let them see his face?

“Oh.”

“Can we go inside?” he whispered softly, “can we talk?”

“Yeah,” you agreed gently. He reached for your hand but before he could take it in his, you stopped him and pressed another sweet, barely there kiss to his lips. A tinge of pink colored his cheeks as you beamed at him, “now we can go.”

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Pedro Character Taglist (strikethrough means I couldn’t tag you - please check your settings. Strikethroughs will get removed if not taggable)

@qhbr2013 @greeneyedblondie44 @dodgerandevans @cannedsoupsucks @april-showers-and-flowers @klaine-92 @softboiipascal @rpcvliz @im-an-adult-ish @dobbyjen @thevoiceinyourheadx @niki-xie @jediknight122 @xxlovingfandomsxx @mrpascals @startrekkingaroundasgard @welcometothepedroverse @ilikemymendarkandfictional @actual-spawn-of-satan @wanderlust69 @lazybeeches @beskarboobs @someday-when-you-leave-me @leaiorganas @salome-c @rosiefridayrogersunday @madslorian @artsymaddie @haildoodles @windfallss @spookispunk @nikkixostan @edencherries @stillshelbs @djarinbarnes @alyispunk @ayamenimthiriel @gallowsjoker @its–fandom–darling @star017 @amneris21 @empress-palpat1ne @cable-kenobi @gooddaykate @princeofdorne @natthebattygeologist @riddikulus-obsessions @sleep-tight1 @mamacitapascal @14mcmd1122 @leaiorganas @hoodedbirdie @kenzieam @dobbyjen @jedi-mando @milkxxkookies @lazybeeches @general-latino @jediknight122 @cosmoschick @recklessworry @jaime1110 @thorins-queen-of-erebor @thatnerdwriter @bestintheparsec @pascalisthepunkest @kristeng42 @rosie-posie08

#din djarin #din djarin x reader #din djarin x you #din djarin x fem!reader #the mandalorian #pedro pascal #pedro pascal x reader #pedro pascal x you #the mandalorian x reader

[witchywrter]

Fire and Ice Ch.2

Firelord Zuko x Reader

Part 1

Summary: Y/N, Yue’s cousin and current princess of the Northern Water Tribe, has her whole life turned upside down when a letter from the Fire Nation arrives.

Warning:mentions of death, sexism, forced marriage

Requested:absolutely not lmao

A/N: enjoy!

_______________________________________________

My eyes opened slowly. Looking around, it seemed that only a few hours had passed. The moon, now back to normal, was clear across the sky, but the sun hadn’t yet risen. I felt so confused. What had happened? Was it a dream? It felt so real and I thought I saw…no it had to of been a dream.

As confusing as my dream had been, it seemed easier to think about than my present circumstances. At dawn I’d be leaving my life behind to be married. When I imagined as a kid how my wedding would be, I thought it’d be with a man I loved beyond reason. I thought my brother and I would be closer, my mother would help me get ready, my father would walk me down the isle, and I thought that Yue would be my maid of honor. A lot has changed since then I guess.

I used to fantasize about what my betrothal necklace would look like, what my fiancé would look like. Seeing as my fiancé, whom I’ve never met, was Fire Nation, I wouldn’t count on the whole necklace thing either.

A single tear rolled down my face. I quickly wiped it away, taking a deep breathe and rising from the ground. I guess I should probably go pack now, seeing as its almost dawn. I walked across the bridge and opened the circular door, taking a glance at the pond before closing the door and heading to the palace.

I took the long way to get there, taking in everything for the last time. I’ll probably never come back here again. I passed by the icy cold canals and remembered how angry my mom got with me when I tipped the gondola over by accident. We were freezing when we got out, but I felt as if I could still hear our laughter as we sat in front of the fire place, wrapped in blankets with pink noses. I smiled at the memory.

My mom died when I was twelve. Five years ago she fell ill and no matter how many times the healers tried, they couldn’t save her. I thought about her often. What would she think now that fathers chief, about the changes he’s forced upon our people. I was sure she’d have done something to stop it.

I eventually reached the front doors and made my way to my room as quickly as possible. I quietly shut the door and turned around to see Koa, my lady in waiting, sitting at my table waiting for me with a skeptical look on her face.

“Where have you been?’ She asked in a stern tone.

“Don’t worry, I’m not gonna run away, mom” I said, rolling my eyes.

I gave her attitude, but I was gonna really miss her. She was Yue’s maid most of her life and I could remember the three of us getting into trouble as kids. When Yue died, she became my maid. She helped me get through the hard times. She didn’t talk about it much, but I knew she missed Yue too.

“You have to be ready in an hour and we haven’t even begun packing your things. You’re so lucky I went and packed my stuff first”

“You’re coming with me?” I asked, eyes wide.

“Oh please, you wouldn’t survive a day without me.” She said, a small smile playing on her lips.

I ran forward embracing her tightly, a few tears leaking out. I guess I wouldn’t be losing everything now.

“I really wouldn’t”

As we started packing I discovered that there wasn’t much to bring other than a few things. The Fire Nations weather was much different from the North Pole so most of my clothing would be obsolete. Instead, I packed my hair beads, a box that held my mother’s betrothal necklace, a few summer time outfits that would work for the first week or two, and any nicknacks I had around my room.

Surprisingly enough, it only took the one hour to get it all situated into the boxes. There was still a lot of things in my room, but it was mostly just things I didn’t care to bring with me. Besides, it wasn’t like I was gonna be able to decorate my new room at the Fire nation. I’d be sharing it with someone.

That thought hadn’t really occurred to me. I’d never be alone anymore. I’d always have to be on. I couldn’t escape to my room when things were too much. I’d be expected to be the silent and present wife at all times. My thoughts and feelings wouldn’t mean anything. Not like they did now anyway, but at least here I was able to lock my troubles outside and hang out with Koa in my room. That’d be gone as soon as I’m married.

I took a sip of my water to swallow the lump in my throat.

Then there’s the whole wedding night part…

I tried my best to keep my mind clear of that particular issue because honestly what could I do? He’s the Firelord and he’ll be my husband and there are certain things expected of a wife on the wedding night. I knew I wasn’t ready for that and I didn’t even know the man. He’s probably heartless and cruel, just like his father. I mean who would agree to an arranged marriage? He did apparently. It just got me so angry and I knew my anger was more at my father but quite honestly I didn’t care at the moment.

I went to take another drink out of my glass to find it completely frozen over. I furrowed my brows in confusion and opened my mouth to say something about it to Koa before I was interrupted by a knock at my door.

Koa looked over at me.

“You ready for this?” she asked gently.

I looked away from Koa’s gaze and swallowed thickly.

Never in a thousand years would i be ready for this, would I ever be okay with this. I was being used as a pawn in some political game that I had no say in. I felt like a failure to my mother and a failure to my people.

“Who is it?” I asked rather than answer Koa’s question.

“The Fire nation ships have arrived your majesty” came a maids voice, muffled by the door separating us.

“Very well,” I said quietly, “I’ll be right out”

I grabbed the small bag I packed with Pai Sho tiles and a coin purse from my bed, took and deep breathe, and began walking towards my inescapable future.

_______________________________________________

A/N: hey guys! sorry i haven’t updated in a while, school i super hectic and so is life but this is something that i wanted to continue and i’m excited to see grow. wish you guys love, mental stability and happiness always❤️

#avatar: the last airbender #avatar: tla #firelord zuko x reader #firelord zuko #avatar #prince zuko #zuko x reader #zuko x y/n #prince zuko x reader #why am i simping over an anime character #i have problems #i will not be fixing any of them #we shall all suffer together

[get-shiggy-with-it]

Pairing: Tomura Shigaraki x gender neutral!reader

Word Count: 0.7k

Warnings: allusions to having a hard life, just two villains in love y’all, reminiscing, nothing else really, just a lot of storm metaphors and loving shiggy

Do I have a collab piece to work on rn? Of course. I am I feeling unmotivated and burn out? Absolutely.

Anyway, I saw another post somewhere about different versions of ourselves walking around in other timelines without any of our baggage and what kind of people they’d be. 

And because Shigaraki deserves better, I feel like that fits him very well.  Also it stormed here last night and I couldn’t help but think of simpler times ya know? Back when I held more hands. Idk man, sometimes I just think about how my best friend’s birthday is still my phone passcode and I wish I could relive the joy of everything that leads up to that kind of love. 

Have some soft shiggy:

He is asleep and you watch each breath that rattles past his lips, afraid to look away. Afraid they may stop, that his ribs will cease to creak and life will no longer flood his lungs. Afraid he will slip away from you in dreams where you cannot follow. Afraid of being left behind. 

So you watch. 

And while you watch, you think. 

Your thoughts are many and scattered like apple blossom petals in a gale:

Storms like the one raging outside as Tomura sleeps, and you watch and try to pick out the familiar rasp between thunder claps. 

Memories of hands, small and chubby with childhood. Of feet that stumbled and rushed through fields during downpours. Of fat raindrops that hit your skin hard enough to bruise. 

Scraped knees bleeding sweetly into summer grass that bled too. Green streaks on your hands, on your face and clothes. Tumbling down, down, down, only to rise and run again—such a familiar burn, but then it was ripe with innocence and laughter bubbled from you instead of screaming. 

Your thoughts scramble like rats under sudden light as thunder booms again and shakes the walls. Tomura doesn’t wake, but something in you does. Something that is rattled loose by the lighting strikes and the driving storm. 

Someone told you once, ages ago—in another life, an easier one—that the thunder roaring was really the sound of cannon balls rolling across the deck of a ship sailing across the sky-sea. That if you counted between the strikes you would know how far away the storm was. 

While cannon balls rolled and the sky poured down angry, grey sheets of water across the city, you wondered if Tomura had been told the same. Or if there were other strange explanations for the waves of cracking sound that rumbled in your chest and made you ache for times when life was nothing more than  creek walks on hot days or chocolate melting in your pocket. 

When your mind was too small to understand the intricate and often unfair complexities of human existence. When toothpaste spontaneously generated in bathroom drawers and seashells hid secret pathways to the shoreline inside them. 

Tomura stirred next to you, his hair splayed out in a thin, silvery halo around his head. It suited him better than any gold. If he were a royal, and you his knight errant, you imagined he’d be bathed in sterling—stark and sharp and painful in his beauty.  

You try to think of him before. 

Before you knew him. 

Before he was Tomura. 

You’ve never asked and you’re not sure he’d ever tell you, but you like to think that maybe he was happy. 

Maybe he played, running through rolling hills and lush fields with wild honeysuckle to nibble the nectar from on warm nights when the sun set late and cicadas cried in the treetops. Maybe he wrapped his clumsy fingers around shiny rocks and kept them in his pockets, Maybe he smiled and laughed, not from the cruel butt of a joke, but out of sheer, childish joy. 

Though most of you understood that a man like Tomura Shigaraki is not formed out of love or soft, golden hours spent catching fireflies. 

But you liked to think of him that way. 

Liked to indulge in what he might have been. 

What you both might have been. 

It isn’t as sad as it seems. No, it fills often with comfort that there are other worlds, other timelines in which the both of you were allowed to keep calluses from forming on your souls soles. That there are moments in existence, if only in your fabricated memories for him, that you and Tomura Shigaraki are happier. 

So when the storm continues, winds whipping the walls and rain leaking through the worn roof, you huddle closer on the hard, dingy mattress. 

And you watch and you think and hold him closer. 

Letting his body stir and twitch until his back has settled against your chest and your nose it pressed to his neck. 

You’ll move before he wakes up. 

But that little part of you that envisions young and carefree Tomura is selfish, and wants these small moments of glorious, feather-down softness to keep for yourself. To tuck away when you dream of those other places. 

Where things are easier. 

And lovely. 

And sweet. 

And you kiss his cheek and know he won’t remember you’ve done it. But that doesn’t change the fact that it has happened regardless. That you given him these small, stolen pieces of other lives he might have lived. 

And sleep all the better for it. 

#tomura shigaraki x reader #tomura shigaraki fluff #bee.writes

[liibrii]

Like so many times before

Kita Shinsuke x gn!reader

Synopsis: You chase him, through lifetimes and lives never fully lived, you chase after him but he always remains out of reach. 

Genre: angst; sort of but not really kind of Soulmate au || wc: 0.9

Warnings: death, blood, violence, major character death 

You run the fastest your legs can carry you but like so many times before, it isn't enough. 

Crowded streets block your path, you try pushing through but closer to the harbour you get the more people appear. It's almost as if the entire country has gathered to wave the ship goodbye. 

Pushing forward exhausts your every sense, you can't see through the crowd, smell of sweat and dust fills your nose, you drown in the cheering, shouting crowd. You're all but ready to give up. 

Like so many times before you wonder what even is the point.  

It matters, he matters, you remind yourself, always forward. Always forward. 

Crowd hides you from his eyes, no matter how loud you shout and wave, what are you but a drop in the ocean stealing him away?

Like so many times before you don't get to say goodbye. 

In your next life you grow up with stories of kitsune hiding in the shadows. Never walk alone after dark your father orders you. Never leave the shrine without an offering your grandmother teaches you.

Sometimes you think you catch glimpses of glowing eyes in the dead of night, sometimes you think you hear someone calling out your name. Something dances at the edge of your mind, someone you can't quite remember...  Sometimes you wonder why the path always brings you to the shrine up the hill. Sometimes you wonder why nothing seems to fill the empty void where your heart is supposed to be.  

The day you find him by the shrine basking in the sun is the day you remember. He doesn't bother to hid his ears or tail from you. Perhaps he knows. 

After night falls he holds you close. His arms are your refuge and his lips are summer breeze caressing your skin. Like so many times before you dare dream this time, this time you'll manage to hold on. 

Then the hunters come.

You run the fastest your legs can carry you but like so many times before, it isn't enough.

There's blood. Seeping through his clothes. Painting your trembling hands. Clinging to tips of his hair. Tears wash it from his face as he breathes his last. 

“I'm sorry, I'm so sorry,“ you keep repeating as you weep, “It's all my fault, all of it is my fault...“

He can't speak but this eyes tell you, you'll find me again, we'll be together, it's not your fault. How could it be?

Sobbing and screaming they drag you away from his lifeless body. 

But it is your fault. You're the one who asked for eternity.

You have learned not to hope and you have learned not to trust.

He sleeps beside you, he's real and he's warm and he makes you wonder if it's all just a cruel trick fate is playing on you. After all it is all to good to be true. 

Hand in hand you walk through fields, like you have done so many summers before, when your hands where still young and skin silk. You cling to his touch, eyes always glancing over your shoulder. 

Like so many times before you wonder where fate will strike from next.

It's time that takes him. Old age catching up while you're searching for those hiding in the shadows, stealing him away while you aren't paying attention. 

The solace and silence of a forests are all the company you can bear. Your heart lies shattered in pieces and you're too tired to even try putting it back together. What's memory, what is now and what was, all crashes down on you. What was yesterday is the same as what is today. What difference does it all make anyway?

He wanders into the forest the day dark clouds gather. He's a child still, stars are in his eyes and his face glows in carefree glee. 

“I know ya,“ he says. 

It is always children who remember. 

His fingers wrap around your hand. Small. Warm. Waiting for the world to break them. He jumps to catch the snowflakes falling from the clouds above and when his voice echoes between sleeping trees you wonder if this is the one time you heal.

As first spring flowers shyly start to open towards the sun you walk through the forest, alone. They bloom, they grow and they bloom, and they crown a small grave. 

As if they knew they were your favourite. Did he tell them? 

After all, soul he carried used to be yours. 

He stands in the fields of swaying golden rice. He looks content, you think, he looks happy. 

Your heart clenches and tears gather in your eyes. Every part of your soul aches for him but you know it will only hurt more if you reach out. It always does. 

He looks into your direction and you wonder if he remembers you. If he knows your paths have crossed in every lifetime. 

This time you let him go. You know you have to. 

He calls out for you. He calls your name. He runs after you, he runs the fastest his legs can carry him and doesn't stop till he catches up. 

Small, your voice is so small, threatening to break under the weight of the words. “You remember my name.“ 

You chase him, through lifetimes and lives never fully lived, you chase after him but he always remains out of reach.

But maybe... Maybe this time you'll manage to hold on. 

#kita shinsuke x reader #kita x reader #kita shinsuke x y/n #kita imagine #hqcorenet #kita shinsuke #hq #haikyuu #inarizaki x reader #inarizaki x y/n #this has been sitting in my drafts for too long #might do some minor edits later on #libri scribbles

[tiredcath]

Zukka Fic Recs

after atla came back into pop culture i found myself falling back in love with zukka which resulted in me reading (almost) every zukka fic on ao3 and here are my favorites

Transference by The_Quatermasters (146k)

In a modern AU, Zuko has to deal with settling in a new school after expulsion, dealing with an angry ex and an abusive father. Maybe his new found friendships and growing closeness with Sokka will help him make it through. 

Borderlines by The_Quatermasters (73k)

Three years after the war, the work still isn't quite done and the Gaang is scattered across the continents in their efforts to help the world recover. When Aang and Katara pay visit to the Fire Nation where Zuko is Fire Lord and Sokka acts as Ambassador for the Water Tribe, sparks fly between the siblings over Sokka's life choices.

Ashes Inside When You Finish Your Song by Muncaster (47k)

Sokka writes lyrics for his sister’s band. Zuko plays piano and is unnecessarily nice. Fellas, is it gay to write love songs about your friend and his golden eyes?

(AKA, a modern band AU featuring The Gaang, crappy software equipment, homoerotic lyrics, and the realization that maybe, if you think about a guy every night before you sleep, you just might be in love with him.)

sirens & sleepless nights by Satirrian (54k)

Life can be pretty hard living in a city under a totalitarian regime. Between adhering to the ridiculous curfew, keeping himself from being gunned down by a passing patrolman, and paying his unnecessary tolls to the state for, say, breathing, Sokka has his hands full just getting to work. Add aiding a resistance group on top of that, and Sokka should really be getting paid for this.

Then, one night, Sokka finds an injured patrolman collapsed in the street, who tells him with blood on his lips, “If the patrol finds me, I’m dead.”

 Real Slow by surveycorpsjean (21k)

“I see.” Zuko closes the scroll. “Is the Water Tribe sending a replacement?”

“Uh yeah,” Sokka gestures to himself dramatically. “You’re looking at him.”

 First by HoneyBadgerMole (20k)

Zuko has been nurturing a crush on the jock in his AP Psych class but he has been too scared to talk to him until they get paired up for a project.

the benefits of getting a flat tire by LesbeanLatte (64k)

Zuko makes an impromptu decision to run away from home after a disturbing conversation with Azula. Unfortunately, some plans are better when they're actually, well, planned. Zuko isn't counting on getting a flat tire almost as soon as he's far enough away from the city to really be in the middle of nowhere.

Sokka is immediately taken with the stranger he and his friends find stranded on the side of the road during an afternoon joy ride. However, he has no idea what he's getting involved with and a kind attempt to help a fellow teen in need turns into a massive coverup for a missing person who just so happens to be the son of the mayor of Ba Sing Se.

Azula was just trying to help her big brother - in her own way - by telling him things she thought he deserved to know. Now the situation has gotten wildly out of control. Did she enjoy seeing Zuko upset and afraid? Of course. Had she intended to endanger his life? Not necessarily, but of course, her idiot brother overreacted to everything and that's what happened and now she doesn't know how to stop the chain of events she's indirectly put in place like dominoes.

Operation Leverage by snowandfire (50k)

Sokka's instincts are onto something great. Zuko just wants to serve tea and brood in peace. Ironically, Toph is the only one who can see what's really going on.

 The Stingray by Smediterranea (24k)

“You’re not carrying me.”

“I don’t mind,” the lifeguard says easily.

“I can just hop over.”

“On sand?”

Zuko will never admit it, but being carried feels pretty nice. The lifeguard sets him down and eyes him warily.

“Are you really all by yourself?” he asks in a worried tone. “No friends in town you can call to check on you?”

“No,” Zuko confirms. Tears are forming again with alarming speed; his foot throbs painfully with every passing second.

“What kind of burrito do you want?”

“You don’t have to —“ Zuko repeats.

“I’m getting al pastor. You like al pastor?”

 AU: Zuko falls for Sokka, the super hot lifeguard who helps him after an unfortunate encounter with a stingray.

 it's the illusion of separation by argentoswan (110k)

Sokka takes a job washing dishes at the new tea shop in town. It's a great gig, until he finds out his only coworker is his old high school bully. Sokka really should quit, but he also really needs to afford rent.

Also, Zuko is kind of hot now.

 People like to think war means something by trying_to_spell_both_our_names_at_once (21k)

Sokka was the first to leave.

Somehow that hurt the most. . . . Not long after Zuko becomes Firelord, forces gather in the South and next thing he knows he's thrown into a civil war with almost no one by his side. Maybe healing is longer and more complicated than it needs to be, but with the right people by your side it is always possible.

 a way that will destroy you by anothermistakemade (14k)

In the wake of Ozai's death, Zuko begins to fall apart. Sokka will do everything in his power to make sure that doesn't happen.

-

or, zuko might be losing his mind, but he also might just be really sad & traumatized

 Those Who Favor Fire by CSHfic, VSfic (30k)

After a failed attempt on his life, Sokka fakes his death, dons a disguise, and infiltrates the would-be assassin's ranks in an attempt to bring them down from the inside.

Zuko learns of his husband's tragic death, mourns, and vows revenge.

 Words Mean More at Night by DaisytheDoodleDog (28k)

Even ten years after the end of the war, rebellions rise and risk the balance of the nations. Sokka was willing to do anything to protect his people, which is perhaps why he's leading an army against the rebellion, attacking only as a last result. But Sokka's unwinding, it's taking a toll on him, and the only thing keeping him grounded are the letter Zuko and him exchange late in the night when no one can see the messenger hawks. But as they say, nothing's fair in love and war.

another word for wanting by eurydicees (23k)

Sokka begins to dream of his soulmate when he's eleven years old, and it just gets harder from there. Or, 125 moments soulmates share, and none of them come easy.

(In which your dreams are your soulmate's memories, and Sokka dreams of an all-consuming fire, growing and eating at his soulmate until it burns up the connection between their souls. In which they find love anyways.)

 It Has Only Just Begun by Kirazalea (39k)

There is a bitter triumph in crashing when you should be soaring

Zuko had now chosen the path his uncle had been trying so hard to show him; he had someone who believed in him, who maybe loved him; he was travelling with the Avatar and they apparently had a plan to end the war. By all accounts, Zuko should be smiling.

But Uncle was gone (captured by Azula, and Zuko didn't think she would kill him, but he didn’t, couldn’t, know for sure). The Avatar was barely breathing (he could still die at any second and there was nothing any of them could do about it). Azula had conquered the last Earth Kingdom stronghold (all those innocent people who were now at her mercy). It seemed like, for every step Zuko took forward, the world sent him back three more.

But he was determined to push forward anyways. He needed to make his uncle proud, even if it was the last thing he ever did.

aka: zuko joins the gaang at the end of season 2

 Nightmares and Reveries by HisMomoness (20k)

Zuko doesn't sleep because when he does, he's haunted by nightmares. Sokka worms his way into a job and makes it his mission to get Zuko to relax. Lots of head pets and one vacation to the South Pole later, Zuko might just be getting the hang of it.

Cue pining, some fluff, and eventual romance.

 The One Who Stopped Time by ohhihoney (66k)

All hope was lost to Zuko until one day, his uncle asked a random person at the Jasmine Dragon to tutor his nephew. Gritting his teeth and embarrassed beyond the point of no return, Zuko gave the blue eyed boy his number.

Little did Zuko know how much Sokka would change his world.

 Rubbed Off Stars by ohhihoney (2k)

Sokka wasn't going to just sit and watch the boy at the back of the bus cry while trying to rub off pride flags off his cheeks.

--------------

WIP

Ozymandias, King of Kings by Think_of_a_Wonderful_Thought (168k)

After that fateful Agni Kai, Ozai makes a different call. Branded as a traitor and banished to a prison camp, Zuko learns how cruel the Fire Nation can be to its citizens. Three years, a water tribe raid, and an unexpected meeting with a gang of over-enthusiastic idealistic children puts Zuko back in the spotlight. The revolution is coming and it wants another poster boy, but Zuko is not willing to lend his face to the cause.

 Another Brother by AvocadoLove (312k)

It was a mission of revenge. There weren't supposed to be any survivors, but Chief Hakoda couldn't bring himself to kill the Fire Nation boy. Against his better judgment, he brought him home. A Zuko joins the Water Tribe story.

--------------

BONUS : zuko x jet

Something to Hold Onto by Wildgoosery (122k)

Since the day the walls of Ba Sing Se fell, the Freedom Fighters have struggled to protect what remains of the city and its people. Jet and his second command, a mysterious boy named Li, have spent the summer piecing together an army, hoping for a chance to take the city back for good. But Li is also Zuko, and the time for that secret is quickly running out. Soon, he'll have to decide exactly who he is, what cause he's going to fight for, and where his heart lies.

#avatar: tla #avatar the last airbender #atla #zuko #atla zuko #firelord zuko #sokka #avatar sokka #atla sokka #zukka #zukka au #zukka fanfic #zukka fic recs #zuko and sokka #sokka and zuko #jet #avatar jet #jet and zuko #zuko and jet #zet #juko #avatar fanfiction #atla fanfic

[anna-justice]

Lost or Found - 24

Summary: As Jay, Hailey, Kim, Adam and Kevin start their junior year in the wake of a tragic summer, the past year of their lives comes back to haunt them. If you enjoyed Pretty Little Liars, this is for you! *UPSTEAD/BURZEK High School AU

...

24 - Evermore  ...

“Your dad should have killed you when he had the chance…”

Hailey whimpered, her eyes clenched shut and beads of sweat appearing on her forehead.

“So you want to play hero one more time?” 

She flinched in her sleep, her heart beating out of her chest, so fast that she thought it was going to explode. 

“That works for me.” 

Hailey shot up, screaming. The last thing she saw was the barrel of a gun. She clawed at her chest, trying to get a good breath. “Hailey?” Someone yelled, and then right after, her Aunt appeared in front of her. “Hailey, it’s okay.” Trudy reached out to grab her hand, but Hailey pulled it back, looking at her with scared eyes. 

It had been a month since she had heard those words muttered aloud, but they plagued her dreams frequently. 

The two weeks following that day, all five of them took turns rotating through the police station. Everyday there were new questions, more people to explain things to, more statements to clarify, it was never ending. Then, it just stopped. There was nothing else they could do, they had to wait for trial. And in the meantime, Erin was placed in a psychiatric hold facility, and her lawyers were defending her actions as a symptom as psychosis.

It bothered them all, that technically she was free, all because they could blame her attempted murder on a psychotic break. Especially when Kelly Severide was looking at time. A few days after, two detectives showed up at Hailey’s house, wanting a full recount of the last five months, and that included the night that she was attacked. When Severide was questioned, he had no alibi and he confessed to strangling Hailey. His excuse was that he was threatened the same way that the rest of them were, only in person. He claimed that he knew Erin was alive the whole time, but she threatened to kill his mom and sister if he didn’t cooperate. 

Unfortunately, the only way to corroborate the story for a jury is to prove Erin mentally competent, meaning she was capable of carrying out her threats. To all involved, even Kelly, it was clear that she knew what she was doing, she was a mastermind, but to everyone on the outside, they were just a bunch of teenagers wrapped up in a murder. 

The girl that everyone thought was Erin still hadn’t been identified, they had to dig up the casket for the second time. The only way they were able to ID it the first time was by the previous fracture and bracelet, but there are a lot of people in the Chicago area that have broken their left wrist. 

So, with no new information and the date for the trial to begin still months away, they all lived life normally. Well, as normal as it could be after everything they went through. And normal for Hailey meant waking up every night screaming. 

Trudy looked at her husband, who was standing in the doorway. They shared a look, a very familiar one. They repeated the same steps every night, like some cruel rehearsed dance. Trudy waited patiently for Hailey to calm down, just seated on the floor next to her. “Hailey, sweetie, you’re safe.” She repeated. 

Every night it was the same, Hailey would snap out of whatever daze she was in and apologize profusely. “I’m sorry, I got scared…” She started.

“Shhh,” Trudy said, placing a hand on her leg, “It’s okay.” 

Hailey nodded, swallowing hard. “I’m good, you all can go back to sleep.” She said, glancing at her uncle. 

Trudy just nodded, she learned many nights ago not to fight her on it, “Alright. Goodnight Hailey, we love you.” She said, squeezing her shoulder. 

“Love you too.” Hailey said, watching them retreat back to their room. They left the door open like they always did, Hailey sighed rolling over and grabbing her phone. She sent a quick text to her boyfriend. 

Hailey:      :(

It was a system that they started a few weeks ago. The first few nights Jay would stay up with her on the phone, or she would call him after Trudy and Randy finally left, but the lack of sleep began to play a part in their relationship. So, they decided that every time Hailey had a nightmare (or Jay, he wasn’t clean of them) they would text the other a frowny face, so that in the morning they would know what the other had gone through the night before without having to talk about it. It has proved to be useful.

Hailey laid down again, willing herself to close her eyes, but she couldn’t. Sleep was too vulnerable, so she laid there awake, just waiting for the sun to rise on (hopefully) a better day. 

…

“What do you mean you haven’t picked out a costume?” Kim asked, as Jay slammed his door shut. Like every morning, they were all crowded around his truck, waiting until the last minute to head to class. The gossip still hadn’t died down, they were still the topic of every conversation, so they avoided it as much as they could. 

Hailey shrugged. “I thought we weren’t dressing up.” She said, looking up at her boyfriend, who nodded in agreement. Halloween was tomorrow, and of course Kim had plans for all of them.

“No, I said we weren’t dressing up as the characters from scooby doo…” Kim said, giving Adam a pointed look. 

Adam held up his hands in surrender, “Like I said, I’m sorry, it’s too soon.” He said, stifling a laugh. 

Kevin rolled his eyes, “Yeah, you all know I’d have to be scooby. And I’m not dressing up like a dog.” He snapped. 

“But Kev,” Adam said, faking a frown. “I thought you were my dawg.” Kevin glared at him, faking a punch as Adam jumped back. 

“Anyway,” Kim started, looking back at Hailey and Jay, and ignoring the antics behind her. “I promised Stella we would all be at her party tomorrow night, you guys will be the only people without a costume.” 

Hailey sighed, “Kim, we will get costumes, I promise.” Kim opened her mouth, but the warning bell cut her off. Hailey smiled, grabbing Jay’s hand. “We’ll see you guys later.” She said, before pulling him away. 

“Please tell me you have costume ideas,” Jay said quietly. 

“Nope.” They rounded the corner, Jay leaning down and stealing a kiss before they entered their classroom. Criminal justice was a little harder to sit through than it was before, but somehow Jay had managed to get his grade up. 

They took their normal seats in the back of the class, waiting for the teacher to begin. “I have an idea,” Jay said, leaning on his hand. 

“Okay?” Hailey said cautiously. 

“I’ll be a firefighter, and you be a Dalmatian.” He said, wiggling his eyebrows. 

Hailey scoffed, “No.” 

“Okay. You be the firefighter and I’ll be the Dalmatian.” He said, smirking.

Hailey shook her head, “Try again.” Jay fake pouted, retreating back to his half of the shared desk. 

Finally, their teacher decided to start class, cutting their conversation off for the time being. After about 30 minutes of notes, he passed out an assignment, leaving them to work on their own. Jay turned to face her, smiling. “I’ve got another idea.” He said, Hailey gave him a pointed look. “Squints and the lifeguard from the sandlot.” 

“Why? So every time someone asks us who we are you get to lay on the ground and make me kiss you?” She questioned. 

“Exactly.” He deadpanned. 

“Jay-”

“Okay, okay.” He said, laughing. He loved it when she got all riled up. “Peter Pan and Tinkerbell, cause you’re so short-”

“Jay!” She said, smacking his bicep. 

He laughed harder, “Okay, in all seriousness...we can be Jack and Rose from the titanic…” He watched Hailey’s face slowly morph into slight agreeance, “And Kev could be the iceberg.” 

“I’m done with you.” Hailey said shortly, stifling her own laugh. 

Jay laughed at his own joke, watching his girlfriend pretend to be aggravated with him. “You love me, you know it.” 

“Unfortunately…” Hailey said under her breath. She took a deep breath, “What about Danny and Sandy from Grease?” 

Jay smirked, “You in leather pants? Perfect.” 

“You’re hopeless.” 

…

The next day, Hailey sat in Kim’s bedroom getting ready. They had about an hour before the boys were supposed to come pick them up. Kim and Adam were going as Romeo and Juliet, while Hailey and Jay had finally settled on Rapunzel and Flynn Rider. Kevin had grouped up with some of the boys from his team, they were going as zombie football players, very original…

“Kim, you’re going to have to do this.” Hailey said, laughing in defeat. 

Kim smiled, taking over for her. She was waiting for her to ask for help, she’d been struggling to french braid her hair for almost twenty minutes. “I got it.” They sat there for a while in silence, Kim carefully laying pieces of blonde hair over the others, she glanced at Hailey in the mirror, noticing the blank look on her face. “How are you doing?”

Hailey’s head snapped up to meet her eyes, she caught her off guard. “Uh,” She shrugged, “I’m okay, I guess…” 

Kim scoffed, shaking her head. “I’ve said that word so many times recently that I’m not even sure it’s a word anymore.” 

“Yeah…” Hailey said, letting her thoughts wander. “I get that.” And she did, it was like she used the word as a shield. It was her response to everything, and she wasn’t okay, not that it was really a secret. None of them were okay, but saying it made it feel like they were. And deception was something worth clinging onto. 

“You know, we never talked about-” 

“We don’t need to.” Hailey said, cutting her off. 

Kim eyed her cautiously, “Okay.” She wanted to talk, but she didn’t feel like she had any right to push Hailey to. Not after what happened. “Done.” She said, a few minutes later, taking a step back to admire her work.

“Thanks,” Hailey said with a genuine smile, picking up the jar of flower clips they had bought that morning. “You think I should just put these everywhere?” 

Kim nodded, “Yeah, I think so.” She reached down, clicking shuffle on a playlist, a random Taylor Swift song playing. They were both done talking. 

An hour later, the two of them were sitting in Kim’s kitchen talking to her mom when Jay and Adam arrived. Adam just let himself in the front door, Jay choked on a laugh as he waltzed in like he owned the place. 

The boys appeared in the kitchen, “Honey, I’m home.” He said, passing Kim and hugging her mom. Kim rolled her eyes as they all laughed, Jay’s hand finding Hailey’s back like it always did. He was so happy, even though life was still crazy, he was ridiculously happy. Watching Hailey smile and Adam joke around like he used to (before they used it as a distraction) was so nice, and familiar and just so damn good. 

Hailey peered up at him, grinning as he pecked her lips. “Alright, let’s get a picture so you all can get out of here.” Claire said, ushering them together. Jay stood next to Adam, both of them holding their girlfriends securely against their waists. They all smiled brightly, relaxing after the click. 

They quickly bid their goodbyes, making their way out to Jay’s truck. Hailey slid easily into the passenger seat, despite her nude heels (that she was already regretting), while Adam and Kim got in the back. They pulled out of the driveway, and somehow Adam ended up with aux cord. Somewhere in between an old Maroon 5 song and the Weekend, Jay’s hand found hers on the center console. 

Hailey looked down at it and smiled. It was a simple thing that they did every single time they rode together, but it really symbolized how much things had changed. Hailey thought back to the day that he kept his eyes trained on the road, back when she cut him off when he tried to apologize. It was only two months ago, but they were different, everything was different, everything was better. 

 Jay followed her gaze to their conjoined hands, mimicking her smile. She didn’t have to say anything, he knew exactly what she was thinking. Part of him wishes he could go back and stay with her then, he felt like they had wasted so much time, but the other part of him knew that they were better for it. Neither of them were ready for what they have now, then. And what they have was worth the wait. 

Finally they reached their destination, Jay having the park pretty far away due to how many people were already there. They got out, Jay rounding the truck to help Hailey down, even though she hadn’t needed it in a long time. The four of them headed towards the decent sized house, they could hear the music thumping from outside. Hailey slipped her hand in Jay’s, gripping his forearm. 

Jay noticed the look of discomfort on her face, leaning down. “Hey, you okay?” He asked, eying her. 

Hailey nodded, holding on a little tighter. “Yeah, just don’t want to get lost in the crowd.” Jay nodded, believing her lie. She couldn’t really explain it, but she had a terrible feeling in her stomach and the thought of being lost in a sea of people made her want to throw up. Even though it was over, Hailey still found herself looking over her shoulder and watching out for her. And even though all of that meant she was nowhere near being in a party mood, she wasn’t going to bring everyone else down, they all needed a fun night. 

They made their way through the crowded makeshift dance floor, and found Kevin in a living area near the back of the house where he was sitting with Stella, Conner, Matt and Sylvie. “Hey guys,” He called, jumping up and clapping Adam’s back. 

Stella stood, hugging Kim tightly, “I’m glad you guys could make it.” 

Kim squeezed her, “Me too.”

Stella backed away, touching Hailey’s arm affectionately and giving her a kind smile that she returned. “I know it’s kind of crazy,” Stella laughed, “If you need something or just a break, the keys to the upstairs doors are hidden right under the doors, just inside the rooms.” She glanced at the obvious couples, winking. “I trust you guys.” 

They all nodded, Kim blushing, a chorus of “great” and “thanks” sounding. The group dispersed, the five of them huddling up. “Obviously Hailey and I are gonna stick together, if we get lost, meet back here at midnight and we’ll head out?” Jay suggested.

“Sounds good,” Kev said, nodding.

Adam agreed too. “That works for me.” 

That works for me…

Hailey flinched at those words, instinctively squeezing her eyes shut. Her breath caught in her throat. The image of a pulled gun flashing through her brain. She grimaced, trying to push the thoughts away. “Hailes…” She took another deep breath, doing everything in her power to keep her fear at bay. “Hailes.” Someone said, harsher, snapping her out of her daze. 

“Yeah?” She asked quickly. 

Kim eyed her cautiously, “I asked if you wanted a water…”

“Oh,” Hailey shook her head, “No, I’m good, thanks though.” She watched as Kim and Adam slowly disappeared into the crowd, her eyebrowed cinched together. 

Jay stepped in front of her, blocking her view of the rest of the room, “Are you sure you’re okay?” He asked, concern clear in his bright green eyes. 

Hailey nodded vigorously, “I’m good, I promise.” She said, his face didn’t change. He didn’t believe her. Hailey reached up, pulling him to her level and attaching their lips. She wrapped her arms around his neck as she deepened it, pulling him even closer. Jay did his best not to get lost in the kiss, but with her it was so hard. She pulled away slowly, peering up at him. “Jay, I’m okay.” Kim was right, it didn’t sound like a word anymore. 

Jay sighed, admitting defeat. “Okay.” He laced their hands together, leaning down and kissing her slowly before guiding her to the dance floor. They stood near the edge, Jay’s hand sitting on her hips as they swayed in sync to the fast music. They danced for a while before some of Jay’s teammates interrupted them. 

Hailey stood securely at his side as they spoke, absently listening to the trashy rap music that was playing loudly throughout the room. “Fuck, shit, bitch…” The sound of a gun being cocked rang through the speakers and Hailey screamed. Suddenly the eyes of everyone around her staring at her. She was frozen in place, forcing the terrible memories away, but she couldn’t. 

“Hailey.” Jay said, but her feet had a mind of their own and she was running towards the staircase, her lungs burning, she couldn’t get in a good breath. “Hailey!” Jay called after her, not even bothering to say goodbye to his team before taking off. 

Hailey booked it up the stairs, dropping to the ground in front of the first door she saw, grasping aimlessly for the key. She slumped against the door, tears streaming down her face as she fought to breathe. Jay booked it towards her, crouching down and finding the key easily. He unlocked the door, then swept his hysterical girlfriend off the floor, carrying her into the room and setting her on the bed. She was still heaving in front of him, and Jay placed two hands on either side of her face. “Hailey, Hailey look at me.” He said, but her eyes stayed trained on his chest. “Baby, you’re safe, look at me, please.” She clenched her eyes shut, more tears falling down her face. When she opened them again, they met his and she launched herself into his arms. 

Jay held her to him, rocking them gently as she cried into his neck. “I-I thought-” She stuttered, sobs wracking her body. 

“I know, I know.” He said, trying to calm her. 

“I thought it was over…” She said, and Jay felt his heart clench in his chest. 

He ran his hand through her braided hair, no doubt destroying it. “It is, it’s all over, you’re safe. We’re safe.” For some reason that made her cry harder, maybe because she hadn’t for the past month, she had been bottling up her feelings to protect herself and everyone else. Because even though she was, she hadn’t felt safe in a long time. 

Hailey pulled away after a long time, utterly exhausted. Jay couldn’t take the look of defeat on her safe, she looked so tired, so broken, that it scared him. How could he not have known how much pain she was in? 

She couldn’t bear to look at him, so she kept her gaze fixed on her lap. He placed his hand on her thigh, and Hailey laid one on top of it. She sniffled, using her free hand to wipe the never ending tears from her eyes. “I’m okay.”

…

The following Monday, Hailey sat in the passenger seat of Jay’s truck. After the events of Saturday night, Jay had no choice but to loop in Trudy and Randall, he had to after he had failed to do so before. They spent the rest of the weekend convincing Hailey to see someone, to talk about everything they had been through. 

It was probably the trauma left over from her parents, but the stigma that therapy made you weak was ingrained in Hailey’s mind, and convincing her to make an appointment was no easy task. 

That’s how they ended up sitting in the parking lot of a private practice right after school, Hailey’s leg bouncing nervously up and down. Jay lifted their intertwined hands off the center console, kissing the back of hers. “I’m going to be here waiting, all I ask is that you go in there and try.” He said, rubbing his thumb over the back of her hand. 

Hailey smiled softly, nodding. She leaned across the console and kissed him slowly, hoping that she was able to portray just how much love she had for him and trust she had in him through it. Jay pulled away, taking her in. “I love you, Hailey Upton.” 

“I love you, Jay Halstead.” She said. 

“Now, go kick some ass.” He said and she laughed, opening the truck door. She shut it, giving him one last look before walking inside the doors. 

She sat down in one of the waiting room chairs after signing in, a few minutes later an older man with big glasses popped his head out of the back. “Hailey?” 

She stood, “Yes sir.”

The man smiled, “Come with me.” He led her back to an office, gesturing for her to sit on the couch while he sat in the chair across from her. “I’m Dr. Charles, but you can call me Daniel or Dan, or really whatever makes you comfortable.” He explained. 

Hailey nodded, shifting nervously. “So, how does this work?” She asked.

“However you want it to, we can talk or not talk about anything you want.” He said, leaning back in his chair. 

“Okay,” Hailey glanced at the ground, “The-There’s a lot…” 

“That’s okay.” 

Hailey grimaced, finally looking at him. “Where do I start?” She asked.

Dr. Charles smiled. “How about the beginning?”

Hailey sighed, taking a few deep breaths, ready to start confronting all the demons that she had been fighting for so long. 

“Tell me everything.”

...

A/N: This is long but please, please, please read it!!

First, this is the end of this story, but it is not THE end! There will be a sequel and if you want to see a sneak peak, you can find it HERE. I am so so excited to continue exploring this version of these characters, and don’t worry, the next installment will be just as exciting as this one! 

Second, thank you so so so so much to everyone who has shown love to and supported this story. It really means the world to me, you have no idea. This has been such an amazing experience and I have learned so much from writing this, so thank you so much for reading. You guys are truly incredible, and writing has helped me through a tough time in my life. I’m going to say thank you a million time, but thank you, thank you, thank you <3

This story evolved so much lol: in the beginning I had no plan, and then it changed like five times, and we ended up here, so here’s a few things that didn’t make it in.

Nadia was supposed to die in chapter 19, but I decided against it…

I debated Kevin and Stella getting together, don’t hate me for this ahaha

I almost made Kim lose her hearing, but I wasn’t sure I could do the storyline justice with everything else going on

I debated killing Adam (I’M SORRY, i’m sorry…)

And finally (cause you don’t need to know all of my secrets) I ALMOST broke up Upstead at the end

Anyway, there’s some behind the scenes action if you’re interested. 

Back to the point: THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SUPPORTING ME AND THIS STORY, I LOVE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART, and i cannot wait to embark on this next journey together!!

So much love,

Anna

@lissethsrojas @puckluck28 @fuckyeahkillianemma @chilly7188 @thebigapocalypsewolf @karihighman @ruzek-halstead @anotheronechicagobog @snowwhite013 @tracysupton @angelsjedi @carissalizz​

#jay halstead #hailey upton #upstead #upstead au #kim burgess #adam ruzek #burzek au #burzek #kevin atwater #erin lindsay #stella kidd #trudy platt #chicago pd #kelly severide #one chicago #chicago pd au

[bumbershots]

SUCK IT AND SEE

Author’s note: HELLO! This is my (very very late) part for the amazing Playlist fic challenge that @harrystylescherry put together. The song I chose is Suck it and see by the Arctic Monkeys. I had it ready back in April but I didn’t love it to be honest, but I do now, so hopefully you will too. In all honesty I loved it a little bit too much so this can be taken as the prologue for a new series, I will be posting the details for it next week :) enjoy!

Summary: Harry reflects on his decision to “Suck it and see” when it comes to his relationship with Selena. He decides that no matter how things turn out… good or bad it's worth the experience and gives him the opportunity to always be the person she needs him to be.

Word count: 2.3K

Trigger warning: mention of depression.

The Wellington is slowly filling up, Harry is done tuning his guitar, his eyes quickly scan the usual clientele. A sigh escapes his lips before he takes another sip of the pint he ordered. He needs to calm down.

It’s a quiet Tuesday night, so the usual elderly gentlemen and a few students occupy the place eating fish and chips and drinking as they argue about football, their families or their jobs. Harry sits by the small stage that is set across the bar, fiddling with the strings of his favourite instrument.

The door has opened at least seventy times, and every single one of them has the nineteen year old craning his neck to see if it’s Selena. But his stomach clenches after finding out, once more, that it’s not her.

“Mate it’s half past ten,” he hears Sarah’s voice from behind and he sighs again before nodding in acceptance and defeat.

“Let’s do it then.” Harry rises and stands close to his assigned microphone while the other two band members also join them in the small platform.

After a year of playing in the most shitty and not so shitty places all over London, the band was offered a chance at a small record company. Tonight was the last show they performed at this place, soon they would be chasing bigger venues and dreams.

With that in mind the bass player, Yuri, steps up to his own microphone to speak. “It’s time for some music.” His sweet voice claims the regulars attention, just as Sarah counts to four hitting her drumsticks together and Mitch plays the opening chord for the first song of the night.

Three years ago, when the band was just a thought drifting around Harry’s mind, he would daydream about this moment, the last show because they’ve finally made it. Their usual fans would gather near the stage for a better glimpse and sing along the familiar tunes. He would finally master a solo and when it was all over, his eyes would meet a pair of familiar ones watching from the bar, she would be equally smiley, a proud look on her face as she claps and cheers louder than anyone.

In the last two months, that mental image has permanently settled on his brain. Harry Styles wanted success for his band more than anything, but not more than seeing her at the end of it all. Which is why after the set comes to an end, he refuses to look up. He knows she’s not there.

Had she come in at some point during their performance, he would’ve noticed, even with all the ruckus done by the now considerable crowd in the pub. If Selena had set foot on the place, Harry would’ve known.

“Thank you for everything, you’ve been amazing tonight and every night before,” Yuri‘s words pull him back from the trance, but he keeps his gaze away from the bar, he settles for the back of the bass player’s head as he speaks for the last time. “This isn’t the last you hear from The Cherry Blossoms!”

There’s a lot of cheering and applause and Harry is suddenly mad about not finding it satisfying enough. He knows he will hate himself for it, but before walking off the stage, he looks over at the bar.

She’s not perched on a stool like the first time they played in here, sipping on some soda because of her lack of tolerance to alcohol. She’s not skipping over to hug him. Where is she? Harry wonders what could possibly be more important than this.

I will be there of course. I’m your biggest fan, after all. She so smugly declared on their last phone call, a week ago.

The urge to call her is too much, but Harry knows that if for some reason, she doesn’t pick up the phone. He will finally lose it. Instead he joins his band mates for a celebratory drink.

Listening to Yuri gush about Sarah’s drumming and complimenting Mitch on his skills as well, lifts Harry’s spirits a bit. If only for the next hour, he’s going to enjoy and bask into their triumph. And he’s so sure that there’s a perfect explanation for her absence, that he does end up having a good time. He ignores the heavy feeling in his chest, a reminder of the power that girl holds on him.

◇

A sleepy Selena Lara mumbles nonsense, slowly waking up and becoming aware of an annoying ringtone blasting through the small flat, it stops for a minute until it goes off again and now she definitely knows the mobile belongs to her.

“Hello,” she greets so earnestly, despite the sleepy rasp in her voice, that Harry can perfectly picture the slow process that is her waking up.

He hears some rustling on her end and it plays like a movie before his eyes. The way she sits up, rubs her eyes and keeps them closed for about five minutes. Harry always gets out of bed before her, and it’s always him watching —watching her come awake, little by little, slow but sure. Harry wishes to be a witness of it more often, everyday if possible. Even if sometimes Selena takes a really long shower, or if some days she only mumbles some words before snuggling herself onto the sofa and falling right back asleep. Harry doesn’t mind, never will.

But he ignores the warm feeling he gets just by thinking about her.

“Where were you last night?” he says instead.

“What?”

“Last night, when the band played its last gig at The Wellington. You didn’t attend.”

“You thought I was going to be there?” Selena flops back onto her side, taking the duvet with her until she’s cocooned once again. “Harry I love you, but you know I couldn’t possibly afford a flight back home.”

“Why?”

She sighs, this conversation was bound to take place between them at some point. “The program at Bunka is… intense, to say the least. I almost failed a class so there is not a chance for a scholarship, I need to find another job if I want to be able to pay for tuition.”

“Why didn’t you tell me this before?” They both know why. If Harry had known that she wouldn’t be there, he would have refused to even set foot at the pub.

“I was embarrassed.” Selena admits with a light shrug she knows he can’t see. “I know I don’t have a valid reason to be, I have proper housing, food, and a job. But I just feel so frustrated at this school.” She mumbles something at the end that he can’t understand, but it sounds a lot like her doubting her own talent.

After eight years of friendship, Harry knows pretty much everything about Selena and vice versa. They trust each other, with all they have. Which is why he’s hurt after hearing about this just now.

“How long have you felt this way?” He asks, not sure if the answer is something he will like.

“About four months.”

The silence that follows is deafening. Harry considers the merits of lecturing Selena, but he would never kick her when she’s down. Also he’s aware that Selena knows she should trust him with things like that, they’ve never been too shy to share their feelings with each other. It’s what brought them into this situation anyway.

It started two years ago, the last summer Selena spent in England, right before she moved to Japan and studied fashion design. It started with them going to that party, separating as usual, agreeing on a reasonable hour to meet at the door and leave together. It started with Selena wearing a skirt that made Harry want to do all kinds of things for her. It started with Harry offering to leave earlier and placing his hand on the small of her back all the way back home. It started with Selena kissing him in the dark and instead of a beginning it felt a lot like crossing the finish line of a marathon.

It kept going even after that summer, because Harry insisted on calling her all sorts of pet names and giving her kisses on the cab ride to the airport. It kept going because Selena got a Skype account and sent Harry an invite. And it is surprising to anyone and no one really that it lasted two years already.

The only problem is that they hadn’t talked about it. The I love you Harry whispered after that first night together and the I knew it! Selena triumphantly acclaimed before bursting out one of her unattractive laughs. To this day remains the only talk they had, Harry doesn’t know what to make of it.

“Shit,” Selena mumbles after checking the time, “I have to get ready for work.” She wants to say something to appease him, anything. Harry is waiting for the words to come out of her pretty mouth.

Selena is good with words, knows a lot of them in English, Spanish, French and Japanese. She was popular for speaking up against unfairness at school, and was running a monthly column at an online magazine. But she doesn’t have any right now. Selena doesn’t want to tell him how much she hates the program, how stupid it makes her feel, how she longs for the day she can finally be done and never look back on it. Selena doesn’t complain. She doesn’t get frustrated. She doesn’t quit. Ever.

“But we’ll Skype tomorrow, alright?” It’s better than nothing so Harry takes it.

“Of course, have a good day baby.”

Selena ends the call and groans. She doesn’t want to overthink about her relationship Harry, it’s the only good thing she has right now. With a shake of her head and a proper stretch of her limbs, she gets out of bed.

But it occurs to her in the middle of a three hour lecture, that she might have been cruel with Harry. He asked if she would attend the gig and she said yes, as if there weren’t thousands of kilometres between them. She knows he will never talk about this, and that she was already forgiven by him. She thinks about the fees his mobile carrier is charging him with all those calls he makes every week. She feels bad about not being able to love him the way he needs to be loved.

Because when it all started she never thought of it lasting past that summer when they made promises hard to keep. But Harry, always kind and attentive Harry, didn’t let her slip away. He gave her space to recharge when she needed it and she always came back feeling guilty about it, because she always enjoys the time apart. He always sent a care package at the beginning of the month with her favourite sweets. He praised all of her designs, no matter how much she insisted they were not even that good. You know nothing about fashion he would say with a roll of his eyes and Selena would smile, forever fond of his antics, forever fond of him and him alone.

It occurred to Selena that she always sort of had a crush on Harry —a crush everyone knew about. But even that didn’t stop her from being cruel to Harry, even that wouldn’t force her to answer his Skype call the next day or the one after that. She remembers how Harry claimed to be the more infatuated one with whatever they were doing. One of their last nights together, he couldn’t keep his mouth shut and breathed against the crook of her neck just how many times he’d dreamt about being with her like that.

Selena warned him, knowing that train of thought might lead to a conversation she didn’t want to have, not then. But he laughed and his hot breath against her skin made her dizzy. Sorry, but you’ve got such a pretty face I’m sure it’s going to break me a little. What else is there?

What else is there, Selena thinks now, as she closes her laptop after ignoring all of Harry’s Skype calls. She turns off her phone too, because she knows his MO well enough and that is his next resource. It’s the first time she does it and it feels cruel again. She wonders how much more of this will Harry endure, how long until he stops trying to reach her and finally realises that it’s not worth it. That she doesn’t want him to comfort her, that she is not going to talk about how tired of everything in her life she is. Selena can’t give up, not after everything her family is expecting her to achieve.

But she doesn’t know just how much Harry truly feels about her, how much he longs for her to know that the way she has of caring for him is enough and he will take it, will always take anything if it’s coming from her.

Harry knows that being apart is hard, so he always tries extra hard to communicate, be patient and endure. But having to sit alone at his flat, unable to do a single thing, a single damn thing for Selena, that is something he refuses to keep doing. Having to watch from half the world away, knowing he can’t do a single thing about it. That is enough to break Harry Styles. Without a second thought he opens his laptop once again, this time to search for the next flight to Japan.

He’s a fool, for spending so much money on a flight to see how his friend with benefits is doing. And suddenly he remembers all the times Selena’s been trying not to break his heart. But he can’t help wanting to be there for her, maybe after this, they will finally have that conversation. Nothing is certain as Harry packs a small luggage, nothing really is when it comes to her.

As he boards the aeroplane a day later though, the pressure on his chest disappears. Whatever happens now can’t be a bad thing, not when he’s seeing Selena anyway.

#playlistficchallenge #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles #harry styles oc #harry styles imagine #harry styles series #SUCK IT AND SEE

[a-hundred-jewels]

cruel summer ch 12: i have these lucid dreams

Ao3 Wattpad

Summary: sabrina starr, pegasuses, and oh no! the fourth wall broke! do we have a carpenter in the audience?

Word Count: 9000 ish

Tags: Rachel Elizabeth Dare/Jane Penderwick, Rosalind Penderwick/Tommy Geiger, Nico di Angelo/Will Solace, Annabeth Chase/Percy Jackson, Jane Penderwick, Rachel Elizabeth Dare, Rosalind Penderwick, Skye Penderwick, Chiron (Percy Jackson), Martin Penderwick, Elizabeth "Batty" Penderwick, Elizabeth Penderwick (senior), Iantha Aaronson-Penderwick, Ben Aaronson-Penderwick, Nico di Angelo, Will Solace, Annabeth Chase, Jeffrey Tifton-McGrath, Percy Jackson, Demeter (Percy Jackson), Apollo (Percy Jackson), Camp Half-Blood (Percy Jackson), Camp Half-Blood AU, Demigods, demeter!elizabeth penderwick, demeter!rosalind (second generation), demeter!batty (second generation), apollo!alec mcgrath, apollo!jeffrey (second generation), demeter!jane (second generation), demeter!skye (second generation), all of that's in no particular order, main focus is on jane because i love her and she's so so fun to write, tomsalind is there (and stuff will happen - i can't really say what, it will really be eventful though), yes of course there's solangelo, takes place right before Penderwicks In Spring, After Trials of Apollo, more tags to come??, Minor Swearing

Notes and Full Chapter below cut:

Hello everyone and welcome back! I'll admit, this is a little later today than I'd been planning to post (was hoping to get an early start), but hey! If the Puppet History season 4 finale can be late, then so can I!

First off, a massive massive thank you to waterbottle_stickers for being the best beta reader ever. This chapter would be a mess without you. Also, if you haven't already, please check out their enola holmes fic wherever you stray, i follow it's truly wonderful.

If you've been following me on tumblr, then you'll know that, in addition to reblogging an alarming quantity of good omens fanart, I've been making some plans for fics this month. The original plan from back in august was to post every day of the month, but... ahhh.... I just don't work that fast lmao. I'll have to be content with just posting a fair amount this month. Happy october! Anyway, stay tuned.

On this fine day, we've got two lovely QUEER fanfic recommendations that I'm very excited to share. Up first is one from the tumblr blog izzielizzie (which you should all absolutely check out! especially if you're into the one of us is lying fandom!). it centers around the skye/melissa pairing and their senior prom, which Skye is said to have only gone to last minute, and also wearing a lab coat, in a passage of the penderwicks at last. featuring some oblivious lesbians and also jane. once again a massive thanks to izzielizzie, as this fic is one of my favourites!. click here to take a look! (also keep an eye on her blog in general bc her penderwicks fics are awesome!)

The second fanfic is also one I'm very fond of, as it focuses on the siblinghood of skye and jane, which is one of my favourite topics on earth. check out rolling down the ancient high street by hanchewie/ramblemadlyon (tumblr and ao3 respectively) for the sibling antics of aroace skye and bisexual jane when the latter visits the former at her college in california! and, if you like it, ramblemadlyon has two other penderwicks fics from the past couple days that look fantastic as well, and that I look forward to reading.

This chapter is dedicated to my therapist, since I've decided this will be the month of oddly specific dedications. thank you for telling me to stop referring to cruel summer as my "trash baby" and help me recognize the true worth that it holds in my life.

Disclaimer: not my characters, you know the drill. Jeanne Birdsall and Rick Riordan are lucky ducks indeed. chapter title is (obviously) from "lucid dreams" by Juice WRLD.

FROM THE POV OF JANE PENDERWICK

The woods loomed around me, seeming as tall as buildings as they invited me in further. I took another step, the sharp pain of a pinecone digging into my foot barely registered in my mind. I kept walking. A crack sounded throughout the air, and, behind me, a tree splintered round its base and fell down, only inches away from crushing me dead, and completely blocking the path out.

Frightened, I began to run, looking for a way out of the forest. But no matter which way I went, there were only trees in front of me. Where was the path? Where was the grassy hill I had walked down to get in here in the first place. Had I even walked down that hill to begin with? Now that I thought about it, I wasn’t sure I remembered coming here. I wasn’t sure I remembered waking up this morning, or going to bed last night, or anything besides existing in the forest. Who was I? What was I doing here? How could I get out?

Panicking, I stood in the middle of a clearing, looking frantically at the trees around me, trying to find something familiar. Nothing. I was exhausted. How long had I been here? An hour? A day? A lifetime? I collapsed at the base of a tree, sobbing as I tried to remember. Something. Anything.

Then, a voice echoed around me. “Welcome,” it said, and my mind went black.

I bolt upright in bed, a scream halfway out of my throat. I clamp it back, not wanting to wake my cabinmates. Thin light whimpers through the window--enough for me to see my white-knuckle grip on the sheets, but not enough to pass as daylight.

What time is it?

Our cell phones don’t really work here--that was one of the first things Miranda told us when we arrived, and Batty’s been gleefully lording it over us that her Mp3 player will still play music and, like, function, while our smart phones recline sadly in our duffel bags. That being said, I don’t feel quite brave enough to get out of my bed just yet and tiptoe over to the big analog clock that Rio bought at a pawn shop in Colorado. Maybe my phone will at least show the time.

I reach under my bed and fumble for my duffel, hooking my pinky through the zipper loop and yanking it out onto my floor. My phone’s in the front pocket, buried under two pairs of headphones, several gum wrappers, and some strawberry leaves (?????). A piece of gum peels off the screen as I disentangle my phone, and I mentally chide my past self for being so messy.

My phone does not turn on. Big clock it is.

I tiptoe across the cold tile and peer around the tree.

5:45 .

Jesus Pagan Christ.

It’s too early to wake anyone up (as I think this, Batty lets out a snore to rival any crabby Tyrannosaurus Rex), so I wrap a blanket around myself like a criminally attractive burrito, and creep out onto the porch, with my notebook and pen tucked into my shirt.

As long as I live, I will never get tired of summer mornings. There’s something deeply lovely about the soft light of the still-sleepy, pink lemonade sun, the quiet anticipation of the cool air, damp from dew and preparing for the upcoming heat. At home in Cameron, Skye’s woken me up many an early morning to go for a run or do soccer drills or for a grueling “Seven Minute Workout Except You Don’t Follow The Rules And Torture Your Sister by Making It Actually A Forty-Nine Minute Workout.” (But it’s okay, I’m not bitter). But, as delightful as those experiences have all been, I don’t think Skye really gets it. The beauty of the summer morning is not what it can do for your workout schedule, but rather in its gentle softening of an otherwise boiling day. It is to be appreciated in the way that I am now, sitting curled up on this frighteningly creaky porch (I mean, seriously, who built this?) and calling up the Sabrina Starr section of my brain to try and write away the residual panic from my nightmare.

Sabrina sighed as the plane took off. She wasn’t sure if she should have followed the voice in her head telling her to come here. Saying it out loud--even just thinking it--made it sound ridiculous. A dream, a voice in her mind. Barely more than a whim.

Worse than that, Sabrina wasn’t even sure where this whim was taking her. On a napkin in her pocket, she’d scrawled everything she remembered about the dream from the night before. The dark sky, lit only with spiderwebs of lightning, the shadowy figure huddled on a beach and soaked through with rain. The voice crying for help.

And a name. Aeaea.

After she’d woken up, Sabrina had looked up Aeaea, too tired to fully connect why the name felt familiar. Her heart had sunk further after reading the Wikipedia entry, and a breath of hopelessness had left her lips. According to the internet, Aeaea was not a real place. It had been the island prison of Circe. Fiction wasn’t new to Sabrina, and neither was mythology (she recalled an adventure spent with a ghost called Rainbow from a few years back).

Fictional places, though, were another matter. How could she get somewhere if she didn’t know where she was going? Was she trusting her gut with too much this time?

Sabrina folded up the napkin and put it back in her pocket. There was no point in worrying about that now. She’d looked at enough maps to make a guess at where Aeaea might be if it was real. When she got there, she could get more information. Sabrina Starr had survived this long in her career of rescues and whims. She could survive one more adventure. Worst case scenario, she said to herself, I spend a few days running around for nothing and have to brush up on my Greek.

She repeated it to herself like a promise. Worst case scenario, worst case scenario… Eventually, tired out from all her anxieties, and from trying desperately not to worry about what would come next, Sabrina fell asleep.

FROM THE POV OF RACHEL ELIZABETH DARE

“Okay, I give up. Tell me what’s wrong.” Annabeth’s voice startles me away from my plate of eggs, which I had been pushing around with a fork. Anxiety bubbles in my throat, just as it had been since I woke up, and food just doesn’t sound like a good idea.

“I--what?”

Annabeth waves her hand impatiently. “Don’t play dumb. I’ve been talking to you for five minutes and I don’t think you’ve looked up once. Also you’re always hungry in the mornings, so unless you, like, ate an entire cow before I got here, this ,” she gestures to my uneaten eggs, “is unusual behaviour.”

I give her a look. Sometimes, I get the feeling that Annabeth exists as a part of multiple different dimensions at once, like she’s having four other conversations that I can’t hear, and is still ten steps ahead of me in the one I’m actually a part of.

Or maybe I’m just easy to read.

“Nothing’s wrong.” I don’t want to talk about it. “I’m fine.” I’m terrified.

Annabeth sighs. “Is this about the prophecy?”

“No,” I spear another piece of egg, and don’t eat it. “Maybe. Yes.” I feel like going back to my cave and staying there for the rest of my life. Waiting with a book and some paints for the prophecy to get bored and go away. Maybe I’d take Jane with me, or Nico, for some company. That sounds nice.

My plate is pulled away from me as I aim my fork again. “I can’t pay attention when you do that,” Annabeth huffs. I think I wouldn’t invite her to stay in my cave. She’s too on the nose when I want to mope. Then again, she says the same about me.

“Fine,” I turn and face her. “Let’s talk feelings.” Connor Stoll, who had been making his way towards our table, abruptly turns around and walks the other way. I should get Chiron to hire a therapist. Gods know we need it.

Further proving my point, Annabeth’s eyes widen a little, before she remembers it is I who will be spilling. (I make a point to corner her later. It’s a routine we have). “Wow. You broke fast.”

I nod. “I’m tired and you’re annoying.” (False. We both know it. Another routine). “Like you said, I’m nervous about the prophecy.”

Annabeth nods. “And?”

I frown. “What do you mean, and ? There’s no and.”

Annabeth frowns back at me. A mirror, a mime, an annoyance. The nerve to look disappointed in me. “I thought you were spilling, Red.”

I roll my head back and study the roof of the pavilion, which Annabeth designed, and slowly lean my head down to stare at the table. I really don’t want to have this conversation. I go along anyways. “I’m worried about Jane.”

Annabeth leans back, triumphant. “Ah, yes. Your girlfriend.”

Maybe if I try reeeeeeeally hard, I can activate the Oracle of Delphi and freak Annabeth out enough to make her go away. “ Not my girlfriend. You know that.”

“You called Percy my boyfriend for weeks before we actually officially decided.”

I wave my hand dissmissively. “That’s different, you guys were dancing around each other for like three years. You needed a bit of a push. Jane and I kissed once! Over a week ago! And nothing came of it.” We actually haven’t really talked about it. We’re in this sort of in-between zone where we spend a ton of time together, but don’t have a label for it. Honestly, it’s been nice.

Annabeth grins, apparently reading my thoughts. “You’ve been eating lunch with the Demeter cabin, like, every other day. I saw you doing archery together yesterday. Both of you were awful at it, but you stayed there for hours. I’ve never seen you focus on something that long outside of your paintings.”

I stare at the ceiling again. Maybe Annabeth designed it so that a single square foot of rock might fall down onto my head and relieve me from this conversation. “Yes, fine, we spend a lot of time together. But that doesn’t make us a couple, and has nothing to do with what I’m actually worried about!” I can see in her face that Annabeth is more serious now, and is about to fully listen to me, when Percy and Malcolm show up, sliding into the seats across from us, and clanging several plates of pancakes down onto the table in front of them.

“Made them ourselves! Wanna share?” Percy gives Annabeth heart eyes and a kiss on the cheek when she folds a large blue pancake into thirds and bites it like a burrito. I roll my eyes at them because they are a horrifying and disgusting couple and also I kind of want to be them when I grow up. Malcolm ignores them, instead turning to me. “Were you talking about Jane?” he asks, pushing wire rimmed glasses up his nose.

I frown. “Sort of. Why?”

He shrugs, sheepish. “You know. Just, uh, just wondering.”

I narrow my eyes at him, then Percy, who tears himself away from looking at Annabeth to sigh dramatically. “Malcolm wants to ask out Jane’s sister. You know, the blond one.”

I snort. “ Skye? Seriously?”

Malcolm looks vaguely offended. “What’s so weird about that?”

“Sorry, it’s not weird.” I reach over the table to pat him on the shoulder with my fork. “Perfectly normal teenage hormones.” He glares at me and I smile sweetly back. “I just can’t imagine Skye going out with anyone, that’s all.”

Malcolm stares down at his pancake, disappointed. “Oh. You sure?”

I nod, feeling a little more normal with my friends and less doom-related breakfast conversation. My eggs are past the threshold of “warm and appetizing” but I take a bite anyway. “Pretty sure. Jane told me that she’s aroace and, based on past occurrences, there’s a seventy percent chance she’ll punch anyone who asks her out. Anyway, why the interest? I didn’t know you guys talked.”

Malcolm shrugs. “We don’t, really. She just seems cool.”

Percy pipes in, “He’s been practically obsessed with her since she won that soccer game against the Nike kids and made them cry.”

I nod approvingly. “Well, Malcolm, at least we know you have good taste.”

Annabeth pats him on the head, ignoring his complaints that her hand is covered in blue maple syrup. “Better luck next time, brother of mine.”

Piper and Leo join us next, contributing an alarming volume of grapes and a single hardboiled egg to the breakfast display. Leo grabs a pancake and wraps it around some grapes, before taking a big bite. “I hear you’re discussing Malcolm’s romantic failures,” he says around the world’s worst breakfast burrito. Piper gasps in mock offense, then swallows the unpeeled hardboiled egg whole, like a snake. (This is a regular morning routine. She’s trying to work up to being a sword swallower, since her dad did it in a movie once and she thought it looked like fun). “ Malcolm, why didn’t you come to me? I could have given you a verdict within five minutes!”

“I wanted advice on whether I should ask out that Heaphestus boy two weeks ago and you told me to fuck off.”

Piper pouts at him. “That’s on you, you caught me at a bad time.”

Annabeth holds up a pancake with the air of a respected royal and we turn to her. “As delightful as this is, Rachel and I were initially talking about her romantic prospects and also her worries and fears, and I feel that we should get back to that before she slinks off and avoids the rest of the conversation.”

I glare at her. “Why would you bring this away from the very nice conversation we were having about everyone else’s problems? Do you hate me?” Annabeth rolls her eyes. “No, dumbass, I’m just not letting you walk away from a potential breakthrough. Now, where were we? You were saying that you’re worried about Jane but it has nothing whatsoever to do with your relationship, or lack thereof.”

I give a long suffering sigh, and try to communicate telepathically with Piper that she needs to Save Me Now, but she’s looking at me in interest with her chin resting in her hands, her long fingers adorned with rings sent to her from her Mortal girlfriend, Shel, who bought them at a vintage punk store. The traitor. Defeated, I turn back to Annabeth.

“It’s just that, whatever ends up happening with this prophecy, I don’t want it to fuck her up, in the way the quests have sometimes done to us. Like, we’re used to this by now, but it hasn’t been a smooth road. I don’t exactly like going on quests, and at first I was really worried at the prospect of being included in a prophecy, since that’s fairly abnormal, but Jane was only made aware of her heritage a couple months ago! What if this turns out like Silena or Beckendorf or-or Jason, and the prophecy destroys her, and it’s all my fault because I’m the one who pulled her into all this?”

Everyone tenses up at the mention of Jason, but they continue to look at me with a mixture of concern and love that makes something soften inside of me. For the hundredth time, I think of how lucky I am to have these people who love me unconditionally. Even if they really, really need therapy.

“I know that I didn’t plan any of this, but we’re both tied in now, especially since both Chiron and I had the prophetic dream and I actually gave the prophecy that day in the woods, and, well, this isn’t her world yet. She’s only got a little bit of ichor in her, and she grew up knowing nothing of any of this. In a way, I did too, and I have no ichor, but I had clear sight. For me, it was ineffable, but she could technically leave any time, if it weren’t for the prophecy. She can leave, and I feel like it’s up to me to make sure that doesn’t change.”

“Oh, Rachel.” Annabeth reaches her arms out to me and I let myself be pulled into an embrace. “Jane’s going to be okay. We’ll make sure of it.”

Sabrina stood in line at the boat rental hut, her arms crossed and a frown plastered on her face. It had not been a successful afternoon. For hours, she’d been searching the coastal towns near where her plane landed, looking for some trace of Aeaea, or anything else she’d seen in her dream. She was used to working with dregs. It was normal for her to have to squint a little at the evidence, have to shuffle things together around big holes of “Maybe,” like she was working a jigsaw puzzle with half the pieces missing.

But this was something else.

Sabrina had read about places where mythology shaped the culture. Places where the tourist draws were events that had supposedly happened thousands of years ago, or creatures that only existed in grainy photographs and people’s imaginations. Hell, she’d met the Loch Ness monster. Was it insane for her to have assumed she’d be able to find the same kind of thing here? All her training and years of experience had told her that, if you sniff around long enough, you’ll find a conspiracy theorist or a slightly off-the-rails guidebook.

So far, though, Sabrina had found nothing. Absolutely nothing. She hunted around, searching up library catalogs, checking every store on the street. “Aeaea,” “Circe,” even “the Odyssey.”

Nothing.

The line edged along slowly, and Sabrina ran her hands up and down her arms. The air was chilly from its proximity to the cold sea water. There were three people in front of her now. She just had to wait a little longer, then she would have a boat and be able to explore these waters herself.

Something was wrong with this place. Something was wrong with all of these places. And Sabrina was going to figure out what.

Later, Jane and I are taking our time walking to the pegasus stables to watch the riding lesson that Rosalind has reluctantly agreed to let Batty take (provided that Percy, who’s teaching today, doesn’t let her fly high enough that she’ll die if she falls off, and that Batty wears all of the necessary protective gear). Jane looks lovely, wearing a sunshine-y yellow bandana that sets off her dark curls and warm sepia skin. She has on her Camp Half-Blood shirt again, and a short green skirt, and all of it should clash horribly, but it doesn’t.

We’ve decided to cut through the strawberry fields, and I swallow a sun-warmed strawberry while Jane tells me about the dream she had last night. I think back to my conversation with Annabeth this morning when she tells me of the dark woods and the feeling of drowning, the memory warping and the echoing voice. At some point we sit down in a patch of grass, a simple circle amidst strawberry plants with a couple logs where the campers and satyrs take their breaks when they work here. Jane finishes her story and we sit in comfortable silence for a few moments, only broken by the grunts of annoyance Jane makes while trying to get her plant powers to activate again. She’s been doing that a lot.

“Well that sucks,” I say finally. “Have you been having other dreams like it?”

Jane shrugs, the neon orange fabric of her shirt wrinkling on her shoulders. “One or two, I think. Last night’s was the first one I really remembered. ” She smiles out of the corner of her mouth. “I hardly ever remember my dreams. It used to upset me. I thought I was losing potential writing material.”

I laugh. It’s such a Jane thing to think, that I can’t help it. She goes quiet, like she’s reminiscing, and I picture a tiny version of Jane, sitting crossed-legged on her summer quilt, writing. I look at her now, scrunched up nose and big brown eyes. Oh gods, she must have been an adorable child.

“My mother used to say that my imagination was the eighth wonder of the world,” Jane says. She’s looking down the hill at the cabins, plant powers temporarily forgotten, and I remember her telling me about her mother, the first Elizabeth Penderwick, who came here and was a daughter of Demeter and loved opera. The Penderwick siblings’ beloved mother who died so young.

I move closer to Jane on the log. “I can understand why she’d say that.”

Jane smiles again, a little sad this time, a little absent, but full to the brim with love.

“Bet you she’s in Elysium,” I say softly. I explained the Underworld to Jane a couple weeks ago, and she’d gotten this same absent look on her face, that I now know means she’s thinking about her mother. Jane nods, now, then turns to me. “Could we talk about something else?” Her voice is quiet, her eyes a little shiny.

“Course,” I say. “Shall I regale you with tales of dimwittery at this camp in the years past?” I told her last week about the time some Hermes kids tried to order pizza to the camp, accidently causing Chiron to think we were under attack. Jane had nearly fallen off the bench laughing.

She grins now, but shakes her head. “Tell me what it’s like being an Oracle.” I give her a look. She’s asked me before and I never really know what to say. When I give prophecies, it’s like I black out. I’m taken over by another entity who shares my body. (“Like that lady in Suicide Squad ,” Leo had said when I tried to explain it to him once, but I’d refused to be compared to such a gods-fucking-awful movie). So, in a way, I don’t know what it’s like to be the Oracle.

As if reading my thoughts, Jane shakes her head. “Not that part. I’ve seen you all green and smokey, and I know you can’t feel it. I mean the other stuff. How did you know it was you? What did you have to do to become the Oracle? That kind of thing.” I relax a little. Jane’s asked me all sorts of weird questions about Greek mythology and the gods recently. She calls it “research for her book,” but sometimes I think she’s just nosy. It’s cute.

Jane shrugs and looks off into the distance. If you tilt your head a little you can kind of see the stables from here. We have fifteen more minutes to get there, according to my watch. I decide to take it easy. “Delphi is this weird ethereal spirit,” Jane continues, “but there’s also just everyday, Oracle you, who likes paint and denim and bagels.” At that, I laugh. “I actually don’t like bagels that much. I’m just late to breakfast so often that they’re usually the only things available.”

Jane pouts at me and plays with the bracelet tied around my wrist--the one she gave me. “You know what I mean! You know all this weird shit about me because my siblings don’t shut up at lunch, and I know stuff about you, like the denim thing, which I still think is funny by the way. But you’re also the freaking Oracle! Your dormant self lies waiting!” I laugh at her, and she rolls her eyes, but I see the corner of her mouth tilting up. “Rachel, that’s very cool!”

I give in. “Honestly, there’s not much to say, that’s why I don’t talk about it.” I pause. “Well no, it’s that a lot of the stuff beyond the obvious is actually sort of creepy and weird, and not in a good way. There’s stuff I try not to think about, is what I mean.”

The edge of her yellow bandana sticks up as Jane tilts her head at me. “That makes sense. You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”

I shake my head. “No, it feels okay right now.” I mean it. Now that I’ve gotten into the swing of it, I do want to talk about it. Still, a small sigh escapes me. “I like being the Oracle, because that’s what brought me to a place where I feel like I belong and I have people who love me. It’s nice to know that I’m fulfilling my purpose in life.”

Jane pulls her knees up to her chest. “But?”

“But I also get lonely.” It comes out in a rush. “There are other oracles, but I didn’t know about any of them until the Apollo thing happened, and even then, they’re all supernatural beings--I know, I know, but not in the way I am. It’s not the same. Also, there are all these weird rules. Like I have to stay an unmarried virgin my whole life.”

“That’s fucked,” Jane says softly.

“I know! Chiron won’t even tell me why, just that it’s ‘the rules’” I let out an annoyed huff. “And, like, it’s not even that the idea itself bothers me. That’s pretty much what I was planning to do with my life anyway.”

“Same.”

“But it’s the principle of the thing!” I flick a strand of hair out of my face, offhandedly noticing that the tip of my pinky finger is slightly green. I ignore it. It’s not important. “Just because I don’t want to have sex or get married doesn’t mean it’s a fair rule to impose on me! Besides, why is it always the women in these things whose identities are tied up in who they do or don’t fuck? Last I checked, Grover didn’t have to sign an ‘I shalt not fornicate’ contract when he became Lord of the Wild!”

“Exactly!” Jane raises her hands and shouts up to the sky. “Don’t you fuckers realize we’re more than that?”

“The Hunters of Artemis, too!” I’m a jack-in-the-box, and something’s winding me up. “Thalia and Reyna send me letters all the time, and they seem really happy! Which is great!” I pause to emphasize the greatness of their happiness. My pinky is completely green, now. “But, they also had to make a stupid ‘ode of chastity,’ like I did!”

“Are you kidding me?” Jane’s hair flips as she turns to me. “I thought Artemis was one of the good ones!”

My voice lowers to a husky rumble, and I stare into the distance towards you, the reader. “In a broken system, there are no good ones. Abolish the police.” I clear my throat and my voice turns back to normal. “Sorry, zoned out for a second.” My green pinky has begun to vibrate.

“Happens to the best of us,” Jane’s voice is light and nonchalant. “And yeah, I know. Pretty much all of the gods have skeletons sitting on their shoulders, but it just seems out of character for her. I thought all of Artemis’s groups were supposed to be safe havens, not oppressive structures in their own right.”

I frown. “Yeah you’re right, that is weird. I’d never thought of it much beyond the gods having weird rules, but I wonder if something bigger is at play. The gods might be fucked up in the way that regular people are, and are undoubtedly responsible for all sorts of crap. But then there's more personal things, like the ‘chastity vows’ the Hunters and I had to take, and the fact that Nico was initially outed by Eros, and the weird unexplained eye condition that Piper had during some of her quests that made her eyes a bunch of bright, Eurocentric colors, rather than their natural brown. All sorts of other stuff, too.”

“Wow!” Jane says, sitting up straight on the grass. Her hand moves from where it was resting in her lap to cover her heart. “It’s almost like a bunch of genuinely good and inspiring material, such as including prominent queer people and characters of color in fun children’s fantasy, as well as having an immortal group of warrior women who support each other and are free from the gaze of men, was taken into the hands of a cis white man armed with unchecked misogyny and a fair amount of white Twitter feminism, both of which really showed when he tried to create an inclusive and empowering book series for children! Like yeah, it had its moments, and definitely some good characters, but overall, a lack of meaningful research in certain areas really made it fall flat!” Once again, I stare through the bindings of URLs and internet coding, now joined by Jane as we lock eyes with you, the reader. This time, we hold eye contact for nearly a minute, giving you time to read and process the long tangent spat out by this fanfic’s author, who, if we’re being honest, has gone just a tad off the rails right now. Finally, Jane and I look away from you, and resume our roles as fictional characters, still shaking off that strange cloud that comes with staring into the soul of those who give you life.

“Ugh, what’s going on with me today?” Jane groans at the same time I mutter, “What’s Twitter?” We turn to each other, blinking in the sunlight, then grin. This is normal. We’re fine. Jane looks up at the sky again. “I wonder if the gods are watching us. Maybe we should make them think we suck so they’ll leave you alone.”

I laugh as she sticks her tongue out, grinning wickedly at a nearby cloud. “Better yet, make them think we’re too powerful to be messed with,” I say. Jane sees me watching her and opens her mouth, sucking the cloud in between her teeth. The sky seems bluer in the space where it had been, and Jane’s eyes glitter with mirth as she swallows. “Mmm, tastes like sugar.” I giggle, feeling a small shiver on the top of my head. When I peer up, I see another cloud has floated over to me. I open my own mouth, and take it in, just as Jane did hers. “Sugar, yes. But there’s a touch of blood, too,” I say. Jane nods sagely. “What were we talking about?”

“The inherent misogyny in much of Greek mythology and the world of Camp Half-Blood in general.”

Jane nods again. “Right. A very important topic. It makes it weird when I’m writing sometimes. You know, cause I want to bring in Circe and Zeus and Apollo and all these fascinating characters, but there’s just so much bad stuff tied up with them that comes up when I research.” She looks down at our feet, which are standing in the midst of a strawberry patch. We seem to have been walking, crushing sweet summer strawberries as we go, which is odd because I don’t remember getting up. “You know Rachel, I’m feeling a bit strange.”

I look at her, and see an odd blankness in her warm brown eyes. “Now that you mention it, Jane, so am I.”

“My thoughts and words are my own,” Jane says, “But there’s something up with my body. I can’t really feel it.”

“I agree, I’ve honestly gone a bit numb.” I try to glance down at my fingers, wondering idly if they’ve gotten any more green, but find that my neck won’t bend.

Jane’s eyebrows furrow. “Yet, at the same time, I feel as though I could do anything. Grow another grass blade. Grow a flower. Grow a tree. Bend the world to my will if I wanted to.”

“Or is it the world bending me to its will.” I grin at my own philosophical point, but find that the smile won’t go away. Pretty fucking inconvenient, since the next thing I was going to bring up was part of the whole serious misogyny conversation. I decide to go for it anyway. “And I’m not the only one with weird rules!” Jane nods, as if this is a perfectly normal segway, and the only extraneous thought that floats through my mind as we find ourselves walking down a hill is how unfair it is that she still has control over her neck and I don’t. “Remember when I told you about the Hunters of Artemis?”

“Oh yeah! Your friends Reyna and Thalia, right?”

“Yeah, them! They send me letters sometimes, and seem really happy, which is great.” I pause, meaning to add emphasis, when I’m hit with a great sensation of deja-vu. “Wait a second, we already talked about this, didn’t we?” I try to remember, but something in my mind is rapidly melting. I cannot find it. I cannot find anything.

“Jane?” My voice quivers, and I squeeze my eyes shut. Oh gods, please let this be a dream. For a moment, I try to convince myself that it’s the Oracle of Delphi taking over, just like she did the other day and generally does a couple times a year. But I know that I’m lying. This is not what that feels like. “Jane, where are you?” I can barely move my mouth to say the words. I can feel nothing but the frozen fear of paralysis, of lost control. When I open my eyes, this other thing in my body has brought me to the edge of the forest. “Jane? Jane?” She could be right beside me, unable to speak, and I wouldn’t know because I can’t turn my head, can’t move my eyes, can barely even hear right now.

It’s okay, something says.

“Jane?” It’s not her voice. It’s no one’s voice.

It’s okay. You’re home.

With every cut the wooden oars made through the choppy ocean water, Sabrina knew she was getting closer. She could feel it in her bones, in her brain, a little voice that whispered in her ear. It had been three hours. Her body was worn down, energy levels dipping dangerously low, when she felt something scrape the bottom of her boat.

A rock.

Frantically, she peered through the fog that had begun to surround her boat a mile ago. The island. Had she finally made it?

As if answering her call, a peel of thunder rang out, and Sabrina’s boat began to fill with rain that pounded down from the sky. The storm from her dream. She rowed even faster, then, fear sparking a renewed strength in her tired muscles.

Just as Sabrina was about to reach the shore, a massive wave crashed over her, and her boat capsized. She came back up, sputtering, holding her sopping wet bag above her head. Another wave swept against Sabrina’s face, and she found herself spitting out a mouthful of saltwater. Finally, she washed up on the shore, heaving breaths raking through her lungs.

Sabrina blinked, pushing herself up onto her elbows. It was real. She was here.

She had made it.

FROM THE POV OF ROSALIND PENDERWICK

It’s been a pleasant day so far. Breakfast with my siblings and some of the Demeter cabin (though Jane did seem a bit absent-minded). Miranda, Florien, and Rio convinced me to practice some plant magic with them for a couple hours and I built up to growing a small sunflower. Lunch (again with Jane seeming distracted, though Rachel ate with us this time, which appeared to help). Then, Skye and Jeffrey disappeared with some of the older campers (supposedly for a regular game of soccer, but the unsettling gleam in their eyes had me doubting that was all there was too it), Jane and Rachel went to take a walk in the strawberry fields, and Batty and I were left to prepare for a pegasus riding lesson. If it had been up to Batty, the latter could have easily taken up the entire afternoon, but changing into durable pants and finding a bandana can only take so long.

After a somewhat restless hour, during which I grew three peonies and Batty rhapsodized about the stable of unicorns that another demigod camp apparently has, Batty and I arrive at the stable. We’re ten minutes early, and she’s been talking a mile a minute the whole time, not stopping from before. I swear I now know as much about pegasuses as she does. According to Rachel, the teacher today is Percy, her friend, who’s very responsible “when he puts his mind to it.” I wasn’t sure how to tell her that’s actually not very comforting, but Batty looked so excited and I figured there will be plenty of other people there, so. Why not. She’s been spending so much time there anyway.

Needless to say, I very much regret my decision now.

The stables are modest, made of wood and painted green, and I’ve been there several times by now. There’s a long line of stalls visible when we first walk in, but Batty skips straight to the far end, where a massive pegasus the color of a carrot pokes its head over the door and nuzzles Batty’s hair. She looks up at me with a smile that could melt anyone’s heart, and pats the horse on the nose. “Rosy, this is Queen Lotus Flower. Percy said we have a impenetrable bond.”

I look at the two of them with a questioning gaze. How can they both have the exact same puppy-dog eyes? I swear to god. The gods. All of them. “Batty, sweetheart. That horse is like ten feet tall.”

She nods enthusiastically. “I know, she’s so much taller than any other horse I’ve seen. Percy says she has the biggest wingspan of any horse at camp.”

I nod, slowly, wondering why my sister picked the biggest pegasus to fall in love with. At that moment, Percy pushes the door open. “Hey Batty! Ready for your lesson?” Batty leaves her post by Queen Lotus Flower to wrap her arms around my waist and nod. I look Percy over. He’s a few inches taller than me, with brown skin and curly hair. A beaded camp necklace, orange tshirt, and jeans. Weird arm tattoo aside, he’s one of the most normal-looking people at camp. I’ve only met him a couple times before, but, my nerves over Batty flying around on massive horses aside, I do trust him. Rachel seems to have a good taste in friends. Also, Batty likes him, and she’s still shy around a good number of Skye and Jane’s friends back in Cameron.

For the next few minutes, I watch as Percy instructs Batty on buckling Queen Lotus Flower’s giant saddle and looping the bridle over her nose. Not wavering a bit from the “lesson” aspect of all this, he steps back to let her show what she’s already learned from hanging around the stables so often, only stooping in to guide her when she gets confused. As the minutes tick by, more people show up for the lesson: three other students, and a good sized crowd of people who just like watching the pegasuses. By then, I’m seated on the grass outside the stables, soaking in the blistering sun and watching as Percy (seated atop a wiry black pegasus who Batty pointed out as Blackjack) darts around the large dusty enclosure, making final preparations for the lesson.

Skye and Jeffrey show up then, and sit on either side of me. I want to ask them where Jane and Rachel are, but they’re talking non-stop about a game they just played in the woods with some of the other campers, only switching the subject when Percy and Blackjack return and they begin discussing whether or not it should be scientifically possible for a horse to fly.

Just as Batty and Queen Lotus Flower begin a gentle trot around the enclosure, I feel a tap on my shoulder, and hear the familiar sound of Tommy’s chuckle. “She’s got a weird knack for that,” he says. I nod, grinning.

It’s been good with us. We’ve had breakfast together a few times, even played a game of basketball one afternoon. Our conversations aren’t the same as they used to be, and there’s a sense of newness that feels cold and strange every so often. But it’s good. It feels right. At least for now, this feels like where we’re supposed to be.

As Percy starts demonstrating how to take flight, I look around again. Jane and Rachel still aren’t here. They promised to come. (“For moral support!” Jane had said. “Wouldn’t miss it,” Rachel had added with a smile). I try to push it out of my head. This lesson is a big deal. Batty’s going to be flying.

She leans forward on Queen Lotus Flower’s neck.

They begin to run, moving together like a single being.

Just as they burst into the air, Batty’s euphoric smile lighting up the sky, Katie grabs my shoulders from behind. I shush her so I can lean forward and watch Batty silhouetted against the pegasus’s wide orange wings.

“Rosalind. Rosalind, guys. ” Something about the panic in Katie’s voice makes me turn around. Her usually tied back hair is loose and her clothes rumpled, giving the impression that she was dragged out of bed for this. (Some part of my brain distantly remembers her saying she was going to take a nap). Skye and Jeffrey turn around, too.

“What, what’s happening?” I reach out my hands, trying to calm her as she collapses into a squat, breathing heavily.

“Billie… found me in the cabin… had been looking for you guys… been running all over the camp… lucky I remembered about the riding lesson…”

Jeffrey leans over and puts his hands on her shoulders. She stares down at the dirt while her breathing levels.

“Katie, what are you saying? Why were you and Billie looking for us?”

She looks up, and I see that her forehead is drawn into well-worn creases of worry. “Jane and Rachel have gone into the woods.”

Something was wrong. Sabrina crouched on the wet sand, straining to see through the heavy rain. In her dream there had definitely been someone else on the island. She remembered the hunched figure, the sound of sobs leaking through the rain.

But she’d circled the shore at least twice by now, and there was nobody to be found. “Am I late or something?” she wondered aloud. Somehow, she’d gotten that dream It felt like it had been sent to her. Why did it show a person when there was no one?

Sabrina sighed and began to traipse inland, tucking a knife in her pocket. It wasn’t a big island, and she might as well find some shelter aside from her boat, which was now overturned somewhere on the beach. Circe lived here, didn’t she? There must be some sort of roof, especially if this kind of weather was standard.

Or maybe this was just a random island and there was no Aeaea and Sabrina’s dream had just been the unhinged work of her unconscious mind.

There was a small grassy hill set aside from the sand, which Sabrina crawled up with the determination of a dying warrior. Something was pushing her back. An invisible force, a last crumb of survival instinct, plain old fatigue, she wasn’t sure. But something wanted her out of here, and it pushed back harder and harder as she climbed.

She let out a cry of frustration, clawing at the ground, at the air, at whatever this goddamn thing was, and found a renewed burst of strength that pulled her to the top of the hill. Once there, the force that pushed back ebbed a little, like it was giving up. Sabrina let herself relax, and simply took in the view for a moment.

The hill she lay on top of gave way to a deep valley, sprawling and green. In one corner, there was a cluster of trees that looked healthy and comfortable, despite being on a random Greek island in the middle of the ocean. A modest garden lay next to it, somehow appearing unaffected by the rain, and a narrow river wound around the whole scene.

There was also a house.

Sabrina wasn’t sure what she might have expected from the lair of an infamous Greek enchantress, but it wasn’t this.

She hauled herself up on the hill and started down, rushing through the rain onto a wide wooden porch. There was a large stone vat of something dark and crumbly, with a heavy looking staff of sorts leaning against it. The door to the house was short, and Sabrina heard it scrape on the floor when she pushed it open.

The scene awaiting her was surprisingly cozy when she stepped inside. There was a fire in the hearth and rows upon rows of little viles arranged on a set of shelves beside it. A broom leaned against the wall. Sabrina looked around, noting the way that the rain didn’t make any sound as it thrashed against the roof and window, and the almost drug-like stupor that threatened to take over her brain, whispering that everything was fine, she was safe, nothing bad could happen to her.

Sabrina had encountered hypnosis before, and it only ever made her more jittery.

There was an open hatch in the floor with stairs that lead into darkness. She followed them down, feeling the air grow cooler with every step. Sabrina was quiet, taking tiny steps on her toes, and wincing when one of the stairs creaked. She didn’t know what was down there, and she didn’t want to find out the hard way. But there were no arrows flying up from the space below, no sounds of footsteps or slashes of swords.

Sabrina stepped onto a dirt floor and let herself exhale, shuffling along until her toe hit something hard. Only seasoned reflexes made her reach for the knife in her pocket instead of crying out in fear. She knelt down and squinted in the darkness, trying to see what she’d hit.

A leg.

She frowned, shaking it until she heard a low growl. “Stop that.” She stopped.

“Who are you?” Sabrina leaned closer. If they hadn’t killed her yet she was probably safe.

Instead of answering, they reached out a hand. Sabrina could see a gold ring on the thumb that glinted in a little sliver of light that had crept down from the room above. “Pull me up,” the figure said. “I’ve been paralyzed by the witch.”

Helping the stranger sit turned out to be no simple feat. They were tall and muscular, wearing a cape and a heavy metal chest plate. “The witch?” she questioned, propping them up against one of the cellar’s dirt walls. Her eyes were beginning to adust to the dark, and she could just make out their sharp chin sticking out as their head lolled back.

The figure made a noise. “The witch, the sorceress, the woman. Whatever you want to call her. I figure she sent you down too?” They snorted. “Good luck. I told Zeus not to sent mortals, but does he ever listen? You’re gonna die.”

Sabrina tried to piece together what she could from all this. The witch must be Circe, unless she’d wound up on an entirely different island. And if Circe was going around paralyzing people, then something must be going on. She must be hiding something. As for the person in front of her, Sabrina wasn’t sure who they were. By the way they talked about Zeus, and casually said “mortals,” she’d guess some sort of god? As if that narrowed it down. She’d have to be careful.

“Why did she paralyze you?”

Another weird gutteral noise. “She didn’t like my offer. It’s not the first time this has happened.”

She was growing impatient. Why’d he have to be so vague? “What?”

“Yeah, I don’t know why he always sends me. I don’t think he trusts me. He’d rather me stay her paralysed in the basement of a witch than come back home.”

Sabrina let out an exasperated sigh. This wasn’t working and she needed answers. A whole coast of people with mythology-shaped holes in their memories awaited her. “You’re going to need to be a little more specific. I don’t think we’re on the same page.”

The figure sounded confused. “What do you mean? Don’t you know who I am?”

She leaned forward and inspected them in the darkness. “No. No I don’t.”

They slid their eyes down to her face. “I am the god Apollo. I came here for Circe and she did this to me.”

“What? Why?”

The stairs creaked behind Sabrina and she felt a long nail drag up her back. “I just want to be left alone,” said a voice as deep and powerful as the smell of red wine. “You don’t mind, do you?” Before Sabrina could grab her knife and turn around, before she could even scream, strong arms had surrounded her shoulders and a hand was clamping a damp cloth over her nose and mouth. Shock made her breath in, sharply, and she smelled the sweetness of sleeping drugs.

A heartbeat, a brief struggle, and Sabrina Starr was gone.

#cruel summer fic #cameron writes #the penderwicks #penderwicks #camp half blood #camp half-blood #rachel elizabeth dare #jane penderwick #rosalind penderwick

[max-is-tired]

It’s Fine By Me (If You Never Leave)

Pairing: Dukexiety

Characters: Remus Sanders, Virgil Sanders

Words: 2.062

Warnings: Sympathetic Remus, swearing, crying, kissing

Notes: I... might be starting to grow lowkey in love with Dark Sides ships sdkjvnsjkfvn 

Anyway!! here is a new fic, not even a week after the last one I posted -miracles exist apparently. A big thank you to my boyfriend @afulldeckofaces for catching the mistakes that slipped past 3am me skvnsfjv you’re the best babe <3

I hope you guys like it!!

Commission me!!  Buy me a coffee!!  Join my Discord server!!

If you had told 15 years old Virgil that one day he would’ve fallen in love with none other than Remus Grimm, he would’ve probably ended up cracking a rib or two by laughing too much.

And yet, look at him now -19 years old ad head over hills for his best friend, who just happened to have had to move two towns over because of college.

God, feelings sucked.

Virgil groaned in frustration, letting his forehead hit the textbook lying open in front of him with a muffled thump.

He was tired. He was so. Fucking. Tired. Tired of college, tired of this stupid crush that kept stubbornly refusing to go away, tired of his stupid anxiety and tired of having to deal with all of this without his best friend by his side.

Yes, he was grumpy because he hadn’t seen Remus in more than a month, sue him.

As if sensing his worsening mood, his phone buzzed, breaking Virgil out of his thoughts. Letting out a series of annoyed grumbles and half-assed curses, Virgil snatched his phone from where it was lying on the desk, Remus’ wild grin staring back at him from the screen.

It was a photo they had taken that summer, just before Remus had had to leave for college. Roman had been the one taking it, the day Patton had decided to drag -for some more literally than others- their entire group out for some ice cream.

Remus had thrown his arm around Virgil’s shoulder, proudly showing off his chocolate mustache as the other fumbled with his cone to keep it from falling to the ground.

Virgil remembered glaring daggers at him for a total of two seconds before Remus’ waggling eyebrows did him in and sent him in a snickering fit.

Virgil remembered the weight of Remus’ arm around his shoulder, his warmth seeping through his shirt in a way that somehow, didn’t make him uncomfortable -he had never felt uncomfortable with Remus, not once, not even under the hot summer Florida weather in the middle of July.

He only saw that photo for the first time later that night, staring at Remus’ wide grin and sparkling green eyes as his heart hammered in his chest.

The realization had crashed over him like a tsunami, every thought in his head screeching to a halt as he slowly became more and more aware of the fact that he was very much in love with his best friend.

”Of course,” Virgil remembered thinking, staring at his phone with wide eyes, ”who else could it be?”

And boy if that thought alone hadn’t scared the living shit out of him.

For a moment, Virgil let his mind linger on the memory of that sunny afternoon, a soft smile stretching on his face.

Then, he swiped up and clicked on the notification.

”You up for a little chat?” read Remus’ message, followed by a string of random emojis Virgil didn’t even try to decipher -he knew it would probably be useless since they rarely made sense in the first place.

Virgil frowned, threw a considering glance at his textbook and the various papers still scattered on the desk and shrugged -it was not like he was getting anything done anyway.

“sure, why not”

Not even ten seconds later Virgil’s phone lit up with an incoming call, the first notes of My Immortal filling the room.

“Hey there Spider boy!” came Remus’ voice from the other side of the line.

Immediately, Virgil felt some of the tension leave his shoulders, relaxing back on his chair as he pushed himself away from the cluttered desk.

“Sup, Trashman,” he answered, not even bothering to fight down the tired grin tugging at his lips -Remus was not there to tease him about it anyway, so.

“Wow, don’t sound too excited to hear from me.”

Virgil snorted, his smile turning more and more genuine as the seconds passed.

“Fuck you.”

“Maybe later. But really, you sound like shit -everything alright? Are there some bones that I need to break?”

Virgil groaned, leaning back as he pinched the bridge of his nose. Now that he wasn’t panicking over his homework exhaustion was slamming down on him full-force, making it very hard for him to string together a coherent thought let alone think about filtering whatever shit was coming out of his mouth.

“It’s just… fucking everything, man. College is kicking my ass, my anxiety is kicking my ass and I’m just- I’m just tired, you know?”

From the other side of the line, Virgil heard Remus hiss in sympathy at his words.

“Yeah, shit, that sounds rough as hell.”

A beat of silence, and then-

“I can drive over and burn down your campus if you want. No college, no classes. Boom, airtight.”

Virgil couldn’t have stopped the amused snickers leaving his mouth even if he’d tried, shoulders shaking with his laughter as he fought to stifle it down.

“Thanks for the very tempting offer, but I think I’ll give it a pass for now.”

Then, he sighed, feeling his smile slip away as he stared at the ceiling, his sadness starting to creep up on him again. “... I miss you,” he whispered -he hadn’t exactly meant to say that out loud, but he had and now just couldn’t stop.

“I just- I miss our daily escapades and you sneaking into my room at the oddest hours of the day because you decided for some reason that simply using the front door was too mainstream.”

Virgil took in a ragged breath, distantly feeling his eyes start to sting with unshed tears.

“I miss being able to just call you when everything gets too much with the knowledge you’ll be knocking at my window in five minutes max. I miss having you physically by my side every day, I miss my best friend and I feel so fucking bad about it because you’re following your dreams and I’m proud of you, I really am but I also want you right here by my side and-”

Virgil audibly snapped his mouth shut, pressing a hand over his lips to stifle his sobs as tears streamed down his face out of his control.

“I’m sorry,” he whimpered, moving the phone away from his ear.

“Virgil-” Remu voice called, sounding worried and maybe a little desperate. but before he could say anything more, Virgil hung up, letting his room fall back into silence before throwing the phone somewhere on his bed.

Virgil bit down hard on his lip, but he could do nothing against the sobs that kept bubbling in his throat. One escaped, then another and soon Virgil could do nothing but curl up with his head hidden between his knees, yearning for the one person that could not help him the way he wanted him to.

+++

Virgil didn’t exactly remember when he fell asleep, his memory being somewhat hazy in-between the tears that seemed to never end and the way he kept feeling like something was trying to squeeze him to death from the inside-out.

What he did remember, however, was waking up to a very familiar sound -one he’d thought he wouldn’t get to hear again in quite some time.

Initially, during those few moments floating between dreams and awakening, when reality hasn’t quite set in yet and sleep still hangs heavily from your eyelids, Virgil had almost believed he was still dreaming, his own vain hopes playing cruel tricks to his brain.

But the seconds kept ticking and Virgil kept hearing the goddamn sound, so there were only two possible explanations -either someone was trying to break into his room, or-

Virgil bolted up, almost tumbling off the chair he had fallen asleep on -which, ouch- in his haste to get to the window.

And sure enough, there Remus was, with his signature manic grin as he waved at Virgil from the tree branch he was perched on.

Virgil stared, hands moving almost on their own as they went through the familiar motions of unlocking the window to let his best friend in.

“Thanks, it was starting to get chilly out!” Remus chirped, climbing in with practiced ease and plopping himself down on the bed.

“What the fuck,” Virgil answered, still trying to process what was going on.

“I- you- what???” Virgil felt like his brain was about to implode, his gaze flickering from Remus to the window and then back to Remus again.

“Dude, what the hell are you doing here? It’s fucking two am or something like that and you live like, three hours away!”

Remus shrugged, shuffling around so he could sit cross-legged in the middle of the bed.

“My best friend is hurting, why would I not come?”

“It’s the middle of the week, you have classes tomorrow,” Virgil weakly pointed out, starting to feel a little choked up with all the emotions coursing through him at once.

“It’s Thursday, or Friday morning is you wanna be accurate,” Remus easily countered. “I know for a fact that neither you nor I have anything important going on tomorrow and the weekend is class free, so I’m going to crash here until Monday morning since we both have afternoon classes. And no, this is not up to debate. It’s happening, Spider Boy.”

Virgil blinked, staring at him with wide eyes as his heart hammered in his chest.

There was a tingling sensation running through all of his body, electrifying in the best of ways. It felt like fire and ice and water altogether, filling him up and up until-

“I love you,” Virgil blurted out, unable to stop the words from tumbling out any longer.

Remus stared for a second before a dazzling grin took over his face.

“I love you too!” he chirped, grinning so wide Virgil distantly worried if it didn’t hurt to pull at the muscles that much.

“No, uh-” Virgil stuttered, all too aware of how flustered he probably looked at that moment.

He bit his lip, pondering his next course of action. He could still salvage this, just let it go and make Remus believe he meant it in a platonic way and nothing more, burying his feelings in the deepest and darkest corner of his heart. But on the other hand… did he really want to do that?

“I meant in a romantic way, Remus,” he finally admitted, looking everywhere but at his best friend, “I love you as in I want to be your boyfriend and kiss you and stuff.”

Silence fell, filling the room as Virgil kept carefully avoiding Remus’ eyes.

God, he’d ruined everything, didn’t he?

Then he saw a familiar hand reach out and grab a fistful of his hoodie, firmly tugging him forward before he could express his confusion.

Virgil let out a startled yelp, stumbling towards the bed until he found himself face-to-face with his best friend. Still grinning, Remus winked before leaning in, erasing the last few inches separating them as he kissed him square on the lips.

Virgil froze, eyes as wide as saucers as he tried to comprehend whatever the fuck was going on. But before he could do that, Remus pulled back, slowly letting his eyes slide open again as a small, soft smile tugged at the corner of his lips -it was such a strange expression to see on Remus’ face, but Virgil found that he didn’t mind it at all, as long as it was directed at him.

“I know what you meant,” Remus chuckled, pecking Virgil on the lips again for good measure, “and I love you too. Now, are you gonna actually get on the bed and cuddle or do I need to drag you under the covers myself?”

Virgil let out a startled snort, feeling like he was reeling from the last five minutes alone. Still, he dutifully climbed on the bed and flopped down, feeling his exhaustion start to creep back on him again.

Remus grinned, laying down beside Virgil and immediately cuddling as close as humanly possible.

“Comfy?” Virgil teased, moving his hand to gently card it through the other’s hair.

“Hush boyfriend, pillows don’t talk,” Remus grumbled, already halfway gone as he somehow snuggled even closer.

Virgil hummed, leaning down to leave a kiss in Remus’ hair.

Boyfriend, uh? Well, it did have a nice ring to it.

#sanders sides #dukexiety #virgil sanders #remus sanders #sympathetic remus #virgil angst #swearing #ts fanfiction #sanders sides fanfiction #maxiswriting

[whats-rambled-rambled]

Smoke&Mirrors - playlist

You can find it on Spotify here.

Let’s start from the beginning:

Imagine Dragons - Smoke and Mirrors

Okay, so with Stuck in reverse series everything started with one song that inspired me to write something, and you know what happened later.

With this new series, the idea came first (prompted by @vaneilla​’s wonderful brain, and you know what? I actually went back to check that bit of convo, and it was all because @gallifreyan-uprising​ did what she did to TP, so I guess thank you both, ladies!), and then I was looking for THE song, that could serve as an inspiration and as a title.

And because all my best ideas come to me while driving, and I had Imagine Dragons in my car’s CD player… BOOM.

//I'm starting to cave

I'm losing my flame

I wanted your truth

But I wanted the pain

To disappear

Dream maker, life taker

Open up my mind

All I believe

Is it a dream

That comes crashing down on me?

All that I hope

Is it just smoke and mirrors?

I want to believe

But all that I know

Is it just smoke and mirrors?//

This just felt so fitting for Reader and her struggle a little later in the series, and smoke and mirrors alone seemed like just what I needed to capture the essence of the main conflict between Neil and R.

Chapter 1: Imagine Dragons - Natural

I had the title, I knew what I wanted to do in the first chapter, but I still had doubts if I could switch to this new dynamic. -Neil being mean? I mean how even-- I needed a good playlist to get myself in the right mood to set the tone for the whole series, and even when I found a few songs that were good enough, I knew that none of them was the one. And then again, on my way to work, this time from my Spotify playlist - Natural. I literally started screaming when I realized that it was exactly what I’d been looking for. Not only because of its badass vibe, but those lyrics, holy shit -

//That's the price you pay

Leave behind your heart and cast away

Just another product of today

Rather be the hunter than the prey

And you're standing on the edge face up

'Cause you're a natural

A beating heart of stone

You gotta be so cold

To make it in this world

Yeah, you're a natural

Living your life cutthroat

You gotta be so cold

Yeah, you're a natural//

This is R.  “A beating heart of stone / You gotta be so cold / To make it in this world”. Because she might be all spiky and angry on the outside, but why is she that way? Because she has to. Because nothing ever came easy in her life.

And this is Neil, too. A true natural, as TP calls him. But he also plays a role, because he was put in a position he didn’t want. And not only by TP, but also by R. That scene in the bar? He really hopes to clear the air between them, but she is not ready to listen, and keeps antagonizing him. *sigh* We know how it ends up. Anyway -

bonus: Willyecho - Welcome to the fire

Found this one when I was looking for the vibe, and then those lyrics--:

//I'm focused

I've been watching for the omens

I've been listening to everything you've said

Its been running through my head

Locked and loaded

I've got the feeling that you've noticed

Yeah I've only just begun

I won't stop until it's done

'Til you're broken

So welcome to the fire

I'm the one who lit the night up//

-- because yes, R’s that mad at him, TP, the whole world at this point, really.

Chapter 2: Florence + the Machine - What kind of man

So you know, one of the challenges I’d set for myself for this series was to finally write a proper smut. God, was I stressed out (shoutout to my lovely friends who had to listen to my self-doubting whines for quite some time). And as I knew it was supposed to happen in this chapter, and I already had an appropriate build-up in mind, I needed a song. And it wasn’t this one, although it made its way to the chapter’s playlist. But as I actually wrote the whole thing down… I felt it had that vibe.

//You were on the other side, like always

You could never make you mine//

Oh R, my sweet summer child.

//To let me dangle at a cruel angle

Oh, my feet don't touch the floor

Sometimes you're half in and then you're half out

But you never close the door

What kind of man loves like this?//

And that part is just so fitting with the whole confusion.

bonus: Graffiti Ghosts - Last man standing

The one behind the shooting range sequence:

//Your trigger finger better think about your future

You’re getting twisted thinking I don’t want to shoot ya

I’ve been waiting for a long time

and I’m coming back to get what’s mine

Sick of living with your little double faces

I’m getting itchy and so livid I can taste it

I’ve been waiting for a long time

and I’m swinging til I get what’s mine

but I’m not going down

I’m not going down//

Can’t say that R isn’t fantasizing about shooting Neil at some point, it’s all I’m saying. And the vibe was all right, and worked for the sparring scene as well.

bonus:  Zayde Wolf - New Blood

I needed decent background music to write that sparring scene, you know - to hype myself up. And then found this song. Look at the lyrics:

//I spent my whole life chained to the wall

Hunger for more, not afraid to fall

Had to cut a man down to get where I am

But someone had to tumble, and someone had to stand

Don't try to fight, nothin' you can do

I'm gonna run all over you

It's too late to try, there's nothin' you can do

I'm gonna run all over you//

and

//Most of my life was heavy and hard, yeah

So many days, so many scars

But it was all of those years who make who I am, yeah

But I broke through, and here I stand, yeah//

Added to the playlist instantly. You can see it too, right?

bonus: Nothing But Thieves - Itch

I love this band and I’m eternally grateful that my dear friend @connie-nikas​ itroduced me to their music. Spotify suggested that it fit the mood for the playlist I already had for that part, so I checked the lyrics and YES:

//There's a hunger in my heart

It's full of promise, promise

There's an itch under my skin

It's under my skin, under my skin//

...

//There's a blood red on my shirt

And it's shining, shining

There's a sharp pain from my face

I kinda like it, I like it//

...

//I just wanna love

I just wanna touch

I just wanna see

'Cause I, I just wanna feel something real

'Cause I, I just wanna feel something real

Wanna feel something//

It fits more than one moment in the series, but that blood part seemed accurate for sparring, so it stayed in this chapter.

bonus: Dorothy - Wicked ones

Another Spotify suggestion, and it works pretty well for these dumbasses, although this part:

//This night ain't for the faint of heart

For the faint of heart, for the faint of heart

This night ain't for the faint of heart

'Cause the faint of heart gonna fall apart//

--this got me going while I was having heart palpitations as I was getting closer to the locker scene lol.

And then:

//Ain't no sleep when the wicked play

All we do is get laid, uuh uh uuh uuh

Ain't no love when the wicked run

All we do is try to lay off, lay off, lay off

We're the wicked ones, wicked ones//

Fits, right?

bonus: Muse - Undisclosed desires

I -blame- have to thank M for this one, and it was my initial title song for this part. Just see for yourselves:

//I know you've suffered

But I don't want you to hide

It's cold and loveless

I won't let you be denied

Soothing, I'll make you feel pure

Trust me, you can be sure

I want to reconcile the violence in your heart

I want to recognize your beauty's not just a mask

I want to exorcise the demons from your past

I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart

You trick your lovers

That you're wicked and divine

You may be a sinner

But your innocence is mine

Please me, show me how it's done

Tease me, you are the one//

It just -- it’s not only about that one scene. Maybe it would be even better for part 3? Anyway, could be sung to R almost word for word, right?

Chapter 3: Nothing But Thieves - You know me too well

One of my favourites from this band, and I knew it had to be a title of some part of the story. Because:

//I gave you a call

Baby, I could come by, help forget it all

'Cause in this sticky weather, oh, it's really hard to sleep

As you know all too well

And when we dig together, oh, you make me feel so cheap

But I can't help myself

Filthy impetuous soul

I wanna give it to you

Oh, just to see what you do

'Cause I'm so drunk on you

Baby, you're all that I want

I want you all to myself

Oh, but you know me too well//

So yeah, filthy impetuous soul was only fair to use for that bathroom, right?

//And maybe you're right

We don't get on so well, when we lose the high//

That’s them at this point, all right.

//'Cause every love story always end in tragedy

If you wait long enough//

Oh hello, R’s beliefs here, clear as night.

//Renew me 'cause sometimes I forget

Got my own two hands clenched around my neck//

Could be said by both of them at this point, tbh.

bonus: Leann Rimes - Can’t fight the moonlight

So let me be frank - I knew I wanted to put that bathroom scene somewhere for quite some time, so it’s written purely for self-indulgence. I just needed to find an opportunity. And during one of the brainstorming sessions with A (because she was so kind to help me out with figuring things out when I stumbled over certain plot points, and I can’t thank her enough), the idea of karaoke night came to life and she gave me this song and fuck yes! That was it!  

One of my favourite Neil headcanons is that he likes cheesy songs, and Coyote Ugly movie has a special place in my heart, so I just knew it was the one for him! Especially because:

//Under the lovers sky

Gonna be with you

And no one's gonna be around

If you think that you won't fall

Well just wait until

'Til the sun goes down//

it’s just perfect if you wanna kinda seduce/kinda embarrass someone, right? And also:

//You can try to resist

Try to hide from my kiss

Don't you know, don't you know

That you, can't fight the moonlight

Deep in the dark, you'll surrender your heart//

Because yes, he wanted to kiss her in that locker room, that’s a thing you do when you’re attracted to someone, right? He thought it was just because of this whole angry sex thing, but was aware of that all the time, that’s why R’s reaction in the bathroom alarms him. I mean it would make him stop anyway, but still.

bonus: Ruelle - Until we go down

The mood progression in this song fried my brain, absolutely amazing!

The lyrics, too:

//And I feel it running through my veins

And I need that fire just to know that I'm awake

Erased, I missed till the break of day

And I need that fire just to know that I'm awake

Until we go down//

bonus: Bishop Briggs - Wild horses

Another song that captures the spirit of what’s going on in R’s head.

//You hold me down in the best way

No quarter from these chains that I've

Slept on my heart for a feeling

Why can't I let my demons out?

Keep screaming into the pillow

Cause your taste still gets me stupid high

Oh glory, I'm a believer

Oh glory, I'm a troubler//

At this point, she’s well aware of the effect Neil has on her, and the internal conflict is strong in this one.

//You call my truth in the worst way

Through the dirty lands of a broken smile

And I swear I'm not a pretender

Sometimes it's love who's the baby's cry

So, I keep on damning the devil

And you keep on saying it's alright

Oh glory, I'm a believer

Oh Lord, I'm holding tight, but//

And the whole vibe of this song, it’s like fuck I’m losing my mind, but I want you and I want you now. Just makes my breath hitch.

bonus: Transviolet - Bloodstream

And as I needed a certain mood, -(ended up actually writing with TENDER in the background because apparently I need a complete opposite mood seeping through my headphones to write any smut at all but anyway...)-, and this song is just...wow.

//Fingertips drip down my spine

Cruel desire, danger in our consequence

You look my way and I lose my…

Hey, you wanna rule the world?

Outlaw love, make you lose control

Hey, hey, boy you got me like whoa

White hot, adrenaline baby

In my veins, you got me praying

Whoa, whoa, whoaaaa

My pretty blue lips begging

Take me, I need you in my bloodstream

Hold me, break me

My breath is for holding, overdose me

I need you in my bloodstream

Hold me, break me, break me//

Hot. I won’t be taking any notes.

Chapter 4: Aimee Mann - Save me

You remember that part 4 was supposed to be the last one? Don’t ask me, I don’t know how I would manage to get that emotional progression from these dumbasses by the end of that part, so I’m glad y’all voted on splitting it into 2 (and then another 2) parts. But I already had a playlist for the finale, and then had to make a new one, and then had too many possible title songs.

Why did this one win? Because in my brain it’s directly connected to my OTP and also fits this part of the story. I battled myself if it was a spoiler or not (and also had trouble getting to terms with R ever admitting that she needs to be saved), but then thought - eh, what the hell, it has the right lyrics and a proper mood, and here it is.

//You look like a perfect fit

For a girl in need of a tourniquet

But can you save me

Come on and save me

If you could save me

From the ranks of the freaks

Who suspect they could never love anyone//

and that shift to this part, oh my heart:

//Except the freaks

Who suspect they could never love anyone

Except the freaks who could never love anyone.//

bonus: Jamie O'Neal - All by myself

Okay, so the car scene was in my mind for a little while, and in the initial outline, aka part 4 is the finale I couldn't find a place for it and thought I might end up making a one shot out of it, so when I actually had enough time to write it into the story, I was so excited!

I was looking for a song, and the first one that came to my mind was Air Supply - All out of love, but I could never beat what Jensen Ackles did in the outtakes of that one Supernatural episode, so I had to abandon that song, sadly. And then I thought about the one with basically the same vibe and *ding ding ding*.  And of course Neil would know it. And would know what movie this is from (just look at him and try telling me he doesn’t like British rom-coms, I dare you). And would tease R about it. (and that’s why I used that cover of this song).

//Hard to be sure

Sometimes I feel so insecure

And loves so distant and obscure

Remains the cure

All by myself

Don't wanna be

All by myself

Anymore//

bonus: Meg Myers - Motel

I’ve discovered Meg’s music just because of Spotify’s recommendations, and oh my god, it’s amazing! And this song just felt right for their talk during the stakeout, just look at the lyrics:

//You're weak, broken in a motel

You blink, tears are falling down, down, down

And you're free, free inside your own hell

You speak, someone let me out, out, out

And I can't stop this pain, it only grows

Tell me why I always feel alone

And I can't fight this feeling anymore

Show me what I'm really living for

I wanna love, wanna live, wanna breath, wanna give

But it's hard and it's dark and we're doomed from the start

I wanna love, wanna live, wanna breathe, wanna give

But it's hard and it's dark and I'm falling apart//

ahh, nothing like a good old angst, am I right? Perfect for writing about the more vulnerable sides of them.

bonus: Fear Of Men - Sane

There is just something in this song that resonates deeply, you know?

//I see you drowning

Half flesh half stone

With ambitions that drain your health

You hear me

(Secrets)

You run from me

You hear me

(You hear me)

I know

You hear me

(Secrets)

You run from me

You hear me

(You hear me)

You know, you know, you know

It’s in your eyes when you’re perfectly sane

It’s in your blood when you can’t bear these heavy thoughts again

It’s in your eyes when you’re perfectly sane

It’s in your blood when you can’t bear these heavy thoughts again//

bonus: Laura Doggett - Beautiful undone

That track almost ended up as the title. When I stumbled upon this song, I was completely blown away, as in I-had-it-on-repeat-for-4h-straight blown away.

//I took you walking

Through the murmurations of my mind//

that line just strikes me right through the heart, and it gets even better later:

//I'm looking down and my heart's connected

I'm feeling love from a different view

We learn the most when we least expect it

We learn the most when we break in two//

I don’t think that any of them expects to learn more about each other during that one mission. I mean sure, Neil counts on it, but doesn’t know what it's gonna be. And if she lets him into his head at all.

//You know you're beautiful undone

(Shine on)

So beautiful undone

You look beautiful undone

(Hearts connected)

My boy of blue.//

My boy of blue. I don’t know why it screamed Neil to me, but it did.

//It's the cracks that let the light shine

It's the cracks that let the light shine through.//

And that’s exactly it.

Chapter 5: LAUREL - Blue blood

Okay, THIS song, as soon as I heard it, I was like - this is it, this is her.

//You woke me up for your blue blood

Made me come undone

Can't believe you've been here the whole time

Too nice to pass you by and I can't believe

You've been here the whole time

You made me feel again

Made me dance circles 'round the pieces of your heart

You made me feel again

After the last time, didn't think that I could love//

That “was he always so gorgeous” moment, right? When she just sees him for the first time this way. And is slowly coming to terms with her feelings.

bonus: Prep School - Come as you are

So this one… We all know the original song (or this is my old ass talking), but only when I heard this cover, I really felt it, you know?

//Come as you are, as you were

As I want you to be

As a friend, as a friend

As an old enemy//

Just made me think about R being ready to get to know Neil better. About the shift in their dynamic.

//When I swear that I don't have a gun

No I don't have a gun//

She lets her guard down, and is ready to trust him.

Also - how great is the mood of this song? That crescendo just takes my breath away, and that calmer moment at the end? Good god. Utter perfection.

bonus: Ray LaMontagne - Such a simple thing

I’ve been sitting on this song for quite some time, and just had to find a suitable moment for it. And this was it.

//Tell me what you're feeling

I can take the pain

Tell me that you mean it

That you won't leave again

Tell me what your heart wants

Such a simple thing

My heart is like paper

Yours is like a flame

I can't make you see

If you don't by now

I'll get through these chains

Some how, some how

Take it if you want it

I'm so tired I just don't care

Can't you see how much you hurt me?

It's like I wasn't there//

My heart just aches while I listen to this song. It’s so tender, and yet so heartbreaking.

bonus: Keane - Hamburg sing

When A sent me this song, god, the way I screamed. Because this is so Neil.

//I don't wanna be adored

Don't wanna be first in line

Or make myself heard

I'd like to bring a little light

To shine a light on your life

To make you feel loved

No, I don't wanna be the only one you know

I want to be the place you call home

I lay myself down to make it so

But you don't want to know

I give much more than I'd ever ask for

Will you see me in the end

Or is it just a waste of time?

Trying to be your friend?

Just shine, shine, shine

Shine a little light

Shine a light on my life

And warm me up again//

At this point in the story, he already fell for her hard. And can just hope that she sees him at one point, too.

You know, writing that first really intimate moment between them-- I know I was supposed to be on R’s side, but I knew what was going on in Neil’s head at that point (that’s why I was so happy when Chels asked that one question that made me write Come as you are) and... I don’t know, I’m so soft for this idiot, I just want to hug him.

//Fool, I wonder if you know yourself at all

You know that it could be so simple//

My dumbasses.

Chapter 6: Phantogram - You’re mine

We’re gonna save this one for the very end, just mentioning it here as we move to the next chapter.

bonus: Adna - Night

You know that sad music montage thing that the movies do after a breakup scene or something? This song has that exact vibe.

//Silence grows and you're all i know

Eyes are closed, I'll see your smile, your love

Thinking

This is what

It could be

Knowing

It is all

It would be

In the night

When you see

What i see

In the night when you feel

What i mean

You're my knight

And my dream

And my only sight

Oh you

Oh you

Stay true//

For me, it’s the beginning of chapter 6. R is almost heartbroken, and that almost comes from the part of her that still thinks that still fights the idea that she might have any feelings for that blonde idiot. Conceal, don't feel, or something. But she’s being haunted by random memories from their time together.

bonus: Snow Patrol - Make this go on forever

This song makes my heart ache and clench and oh my god--

//Please don't let this turn into something it's not

I can only give you everything I've got

I can't be as sorry as you think I should

But I still love you more than anyone else could

All that I keep thinking throughout this whole flight

Is it could take my whole damn life to make this right

This splintered mast I'm holding on won't save me long

Because I know fine well that what I did was wrong//

This works for the sad montage thing I’ve mentioned, but it was all about this line:

//First kiss and the first time that I felt connected to anything//

I was listening to it on my way home one day and my eyes welled up. Because that’s what I wanted both of them to feel right then.

//And I don't know where to look

My words just break and melt

Please just save me from this darkness//

and these lines just brought the image of Neil stumbling over his words and, well, that was it. I knew it had to be done like that.

bonus: Walking On Cars - Speeding Cars

This song is about something different, but there is one part that resonated with the story:

//Even the half smile would have slowed down the time

If I could call you half mine

Maybe this is the safest way to go//

Just fits. Had to be there.

bonus: Etham - Before I lose my mind - Stripped

I think I found this one a while ago, and then it came on when I had Spotify on shuffle, and oh myyyy goooood. That heart-wrenching yearning? So, so on point.

//Look at the state I'm in

I couldn’t say where I've been

Lord knows that it ain't felt like home//

This is as much R’s song, as it is Neil’s.

//I don't know what

I've been running from, running from

Or what I thought I would find

All I know is

You're the only one, only one

I need you tonight

Before I lose my mind//

and this part:

//Don't tell me that I’m too late this time

So much I couldn’t see

With words that I didn't speak

What do I have to do to make you mine?//

This part of the playlist is just utter heartbreak and yearning, but it was only fitting. Just moments before the confession.

bonus: Nick Wilson - Let me hold you

On repeat for the whole part with Neil’s confession. This song is so goddamn beautiful, I can’t--.

//We've been there before

Reaching the end but forgetting the reason we started this for

In all of our flaws

Laid out beneath us, there's no need to keep building up these walls

(Oh we can't go on)

Just let me hold you

I'll run my fingers through your hair

Let our ghost loose

Let me know that you're still there//

bonus: Liz Longley - Rescue my heart

This, on the other hand, started playing right after, and I partially blame it for R’s breakdown. I was just staring at that line about her being afraid to lose him and I was like “where the hell this came from, girl?” and then, as I was trying to push them both further into the plot, but they kinda refused to let each other go, so I was sitting there like “you guys really needed that, huh?”

I know what it sounds like. But when I spend so much time with my characters, really fleshing them out in every possible way, they kinda develop minds of their own, and later they guide me through the dialogue parts, and even sometimes ruin my initial plans. Because they know best how they would behave right then. So all I have to do is just follow them. Or try reasoning with them. (Had a moment like that at the end of the first scene in chapter 6, like had this feeling that R just wanted to dwell on the nature of her relationship with Ives, but I didn’t want to put it there so openly, I was happy with leaving a line here and there, so I had to put my foot down pff - and it switched into that bit about friendships in general)

Right, back to the song:

//Lying to myself I can make it on my own

Making it alone is lonely

Twisting and I'm turning

Oh I'm crashing and I'm burning

So reach out your hand to me

Come down

Rescue my heart I'll drown

Without you//

This is it.

bonus: Madonna - I want you

You know, one of my favourite parts of the writing process is just bumping the ideas around, and I have been blessed to have a wonderful friend such as M, who’s always there when I need to discuss different ideas or just got a bit of dialogue I really want to share. And knowing what I was writing, she sent me this song.

And I’ve been listening to it a lot ever since, and when Neil started his confession, and struggled with words, I wrote: "I want…you.” He moved closer. “The right way.”

I stopped, staring at that line, like really, Neil? This is it? Then the next song from the playlist started playing and:

//I want you the right way

I want you, but I want you to want me too//

So I just sighed and moved on, dropping a short message to M on the way.

bonus: Welshly Arms - Need you tonight

Spotify recommends the best covers, hands down. I love the original song, but this right here? It’s everything.

//How do you feel

I'm lonely

What do you think

Can't take it all

What ya gonna do

Gonna live my life

So slide over here

And give me a moment

Your moves are so raw

I've got to let you know

I've got to let you know

You're one of my kind

I need you tonight

'Cause I'm not sleeping

There's something about you girl

That makes me sweat//

bonus: TENDER - Afternoon

Every song of theirs is just incredibly sensual, so I thought it was only fair to include one of those for the scene (thank you again A, their music is everything, I swear). And this one was particularly accurate:

//I'm spendin' all of my time tryna open up

Let it breathe, let it breathe

It all comes down

To whether you love me anymore

God, I hope you do

'Cause I can't tell, I can't tell

By the look in your eyes//

bonus: Layla - Weightless

Another one for that moment.

//A silver whisper, take flight and steal into my mouth

An urge to kiss you and let this secret pleasure out

Your touch so tender, a helpless roar of golden play

This youthful slender, hallucinate my woes away

We are weightless

We are invincible

Nothin' like this

Flyin' like cannonballs//

bonus: Rob Simonsen - Soft center

While I was discussing the main plot points with A, we knew there had to be a morning after scene, and she had just a song for it. Utter perfection.

end credits: Phantogram - You’re mine

I know I say it a lot, but when A sent it to me… The way I screamed. I couldn’t believe it. The story was already like 2 parts in, I think? And this song...every line was about them. Every. Goddamn. One. And the overall  I just thought to myself “oh, end credits rolling right here.”

//You don't talk to no one

Don't you look at nothing

Focus on me

Look into my eyes

Come a little closer

Let me tell you something

Eat your ego honey

Honey swallow your pride

You don't talk to no one

Don't you look at nothing

Focus on me

Look into my eyes

Come a little closer

Let me tell you something

You ain't going anywhere

'Cause you mine//

And from this part it gets even better:

//I used to be a rifle

Yeah I had my distance,

Whistling like a bullet in the sky//

//I used to be a psycho

Yeah I had my demons,

Crawling like a spider up my spine//

*incoherent screaming*

And the next part took me right back to the very first scene.

//I spotted you the second I walked in the building

I knew that you had let me get you high//

Right? Right???

//I wanna hear the things you say when no-one's listening

But that don't matter anyway...

'Cause you're mine//

And that’s it.

Damn, what a wild ride that was.

Thank you for staying with me until the very end.

#smoke & mirrors #smoke & mirrors playlist #bts smoke & mirrors

[bluepenguinstories]

Remoras Full Chapter XXXII: June Bug

Naivety was such a hard thing to grasp, especially when it seemed like a great deal of the time, I was all aware of the world around me. People and their little quirks, their little things they preferred to keep hidden and the things on the surface which they played off like a mask, yet held more of a truth than they would have cared to admit.

Of course, one of the greatest examples of a person with such a quirk was the one who I loved and cherished – Vesuvius Bark (at her own request. Sometimes she could contradict herself, though not in a bad way. As much talk as she makes about wanting to be free spirited and breaking from traditions, she herself wanted most of all to settle down into a quiet life in the middle of nowhere and she also chose to take up the other’s last name, something which I never really understood and I even laughed when she said she wanted to do that, but hey, I appreciated the thought).

She fell into my lap, sobbing, after having an intense texting session with one Ms. Remora. We both sat on the floor and I knew I didn’t have to ask what was wrong, as it didn’t take a genius to recognize that things didn’t go over so well. While her head was stuffed between my legs and her muffled sobs became an ambient backdrop to our little house, I was compelled to stroke her hair. Maybe it was instinctual. Maybe I just really liked her hair. Maybe it was Maybelline (okay, bad reference aside, she did have some fuckin’ soft hair). Before she uttered her first words, she heaved out a pained sigh, then turned her head to the side and faced away from me.

“Why is it so hard for me to make friends? I don’t want to be an angry person, but then I go and say such cruel things,” she wept, her voice already quieted down, though there was a good chance that she could once again build up in intensity.

“Making friends is just hard in general,” I replied, “not to mention, now we’re no longer in the city, so it’s even harder.”

“I hated it there...so many people, sure, but it was like everyone had their own things to do and you weren’t a part of it,” she grumbled.

I poked her nose.

“Sure, a lot of people are like that, and I’m not one to talk seeing as I never really made friends in the city, but there were opportunities. Clubs and groups you could join, stuff like that. Now, however, we’re probably the only people around for miles.”

She turned silent, as if such an obvious fact were a revelation. Maybe it was a reminder she would have rather left forgotten. If that were the case, maybe a different reminder would be more to her liking.

“For what it’s worth, you’ve got Velvet and Coriander. They’re your friends, right?”

“Yeah…” She sounded listless and disinterested, though she couldn’t deny such a thing, could she?

OK. I knew where she was coming from: those two were a little rowdy. Well, mostly Coriander. Apparently she met them back when she visited an alternate timeline and met an alternate version of me (which, for the record, probably wasn’t as sexy as this me was). She probably never expected to see them again, because why would she? Not to mention, she really liked things being just us.

...But how could I refuse letting two friends of my beloved stay at our humble abode? Sure, our house wasn’t much. I built it myself (pride!) and it could be quite rickety. All misshapen, not too sturdy. Our wood floors weren’t hardwood, nor did they have that varnish, and in fact, despite how free we liked to live, we ran the constant risk of receiving splinters whenever we walked around. One of these days I’d get some varnish, or whatever it is that helped smooth wood.

But aside from those things, which trust me, there were more I could have listed, it was our home. Our quiet, sometimes loud home where we could do whatever and run through tall grass and fields of flowers right outside our doorstep. In our living room were a couple of chairs, a small sofa made of fine woven straw, and bookshelves. Before Velvet and Coriander stayed with us, there was just one room, and it was our bedroom. So of course, I had to make room (ha!) for another room. It wasn’t too bad, and they were patient.

Now we had a guest room which probably wouldn’t get much use, since we weren’t the type to expect guests. Sometimes I let the chickens in and they liked to sleep on the bed in that room. Oh yeah! We had chickens, a whole coop of ‘em! About...five chickens. That was almost half a dozen!

There was a small fan atop a stand, and as gross as it was, we just dealt with the summer heat for the most part. At nights we’d open the window a crack and let the gentle breeze in. We’d also walk around the house near-naked and fan each other with our hands. As I waited for her to speak up again, I was mesmerized by the fan, wondering why we had it on when it didn’t do much for us.

“I was just thinking...what if I took that opportunity from you? To join groups and make friends, to be surrounded by others instead of isolated out here,” when she spoke at last, her voice sounded so far away, lost, even though she was right on my lap, beside me.

Really? That? Oh bother…

I covered her mouth with my hand.

“Enough of that,” I scolded, even if my playful voice made it sound like I was open to hearing more. “It’s not like I was doing any of those things when we did live in the city! Besides, I chose to live out here. I could have refused if I wanted to, but I liked the idea. New opportunities? Peace and serenity? Hell yeah, let’s go.”

She grabbed my wrist and moved my hand away, but not before kissing my fingertips.

“It was my dream to live like this, but it didn’t have to be yours.”

Through one of the open windows, the sun’s rays leaked through and spread its warmth across my cheeks. In turn, I lifted Ves by the back, lifted her hair back, and kissed her forehead.

“You’re right,” I smiled and shook my head slow, “it wasn’t my dream. But unlike you and my brother, I’ve never been the type to have dreams. Rather, when I want something, or want to do something, it comes in a flash, and I resolve to do it right away. It’s more of an impulsive desire than a dream. So when you told me about it, no, it wasn’t a dream of mine, but I loved the idea, and I wanted to help see it through.”

Indeed, I didn’t lie. One day, maybe, I would decide that the pastoral life wasn’t for me. If that time came, maybe I would decide that I wanted to return to the city. Or more realistically, I would elect for something different altogether. Like live a nomadic life. Never settle down. Ah, it didn’t quite sound like me, but sometimes I wondered how drifters managed to get by, and whether or not I would like to live such a life as well.

She leaned up to me and pressed her lips against mine, and while doing so, I wiped a tear from her eye. After she released, she squinted her eyes as we both stared into each other’s. With her near-blinking stare, it was like she still had more tears to release, but wanted to suppress them.

“Sorry,” she allowed the word to float out through the air and into my ear, sounding much more seductive than she probably intended. My ears twitched and I jolted into a sudden shiver. Still, I’d like to believe that I kept my cool. I laughed in return.

“Don’t be,” I poked her nose, “no need to thank me, either. I’ll remind you over and over again if you need to, and even if it might frustrate me to do so, and you might be stubborn and hot-headed at times, I’ll still remind you. Yes, I love you, and I am also my own person. I don’t have to want everything you want, or agree with everything you say, especially when you say some pretty dumb shit –”

“Hey!” She interrupted, having taken offense to that. Not like she could really dispute it, though.

“– but trust me when I tell you that I chose to move here with you, and I’m enjoying it here. Sure, it’s hard, and it’s a work in progress, but of course it’s work, and at least it’s work that I enjoy doing.”

“I didn’t think it would be…” she rolled her eyes and looked away.

“Of course not!” I grinned and closed my eyes, ready to break into a sing-song rant, “you probably thought you’d be living on a bed of flowers and be eating magic mushrooms all day and putting flower crowns in your hair, going off to bathe in a pond, all the while forgetting that you don’t like bugs and don’t like to get dirty. That you’ve got pollen allergies, and you’re so used to taking showers that you could never imagine doing such a thing –”

That time it was her turn to cover my mouth.

“Yeah, yeah. I get it. Indoor plumbing has spoiled me,” she scoffed. “But I also didn’t realize that I’d break a sweat farming, or that getting plumbing set up would be such a pain, or that we’d have to worry about foxes or coyotes trying to sneak in, or that chickens needed attention. So much goes into building a home or keeping cool in the summer and warm in the winter. More than I ever imagined.”

I laughed again.

“Not just that, but bugs still sneak in all the time, anyway,” I pointed out.

“Eep!” She jolted up, then scowled. “Why’d you have to tell me something like that?”

Yeah, I guess I didn’t have to tell her that. It was pretty obvious, huh? Still, it wasn’t like I was trying to freak her out or anything. She then turned to a laugh.

“Ah, well,” she sat up and smiled a wide smile, which almost gave off a smug aura. At least she sounded more relaxed at last. “Bugs are just something I have to live with. They’re part of nature, after all, and I love nature, even when it appears cruel. Even when it frightens me. I just get a little jumpy sometimes.”

I grinned as well.

“I’m glad you seem to be feeling better!”

Wide-eyed, as if struck by the realization of her ease in spirits, she turned her head to the side and rested it on her shoulder.

“Sorry about that...it’s what it all comes back to: I got into a conversation with Remora and then it seemed like she was pushing me away, so I tried to help her, and I lashed out, and –”

“Yeah, I know,” she already told me everything that was going on as the texting battle was happening. I didn’t really need the recap. “To be honest, she kind of had a point with one thing: I don’t think you meant anything bad by it, but your whole basis for wanting to be friends with her was because of who she resembled. You even told me yourself how you saw it as a second chance, since you didn’t get to help Rhea.”

“But you gave her your number too!” Ves protested, as I knew she would. Being defensive was just one of her charms.

“I thought it could be fun, yeah, if she was down to fun. But it seemed more important to you. I can’t really fault you for feeling the way you did, but I can also understand why she wouldn’t appreciate that treatment.”

“You’re right,” she sighed. “I guess her death just affected me more than it should have. Never would I think I’d have such prolonged grief. Especially when you consider how brief I knew her for, and the fact that we were adversaries.”

I nodded.

“Still, whether or not you’d like to admit it, it doesn’t take long for you to form connections. You two did more than just try to kill each other, right? There were times when it was just talking, like what we’re doing now.”

“You’re right,” she repeated. Something which fed my ego on days when my ego was hungry. Really, I couldn’t help but beam upon hearing that. “It must be hard dealing with me, huh? Going back and forth. Lashing out at people, getting defensive. I wish I could be kind, like you.”

You know, there were some things that just pressed my buttons. It wasn’t her lashing out or being defensive that really got to me, but that was something I could do without. After a deep breath, as if I was about to scream my head off, I spoke, calm and composed, even if the buzzing of my heart would have suggested otherwise.

“Not really. I’ve dealt with you for years now. You aren’t much trouble at all. It’s just as you say: all defense mechanisms. Even when you’re down on yourself, it’s just because you’re afraid to accept that there are good sides to you.”

“How does that make any sense?” She scowled. I ruffled her hair, and she tried to stop me, but it was too much fun.

“And another thing,” I added, still messing up her hair, “you already are a kind person. We’re more alike than you realize sometimes.”

“We are?” She whined, unable to keep me from messing with her hair.

“Yeah. Of course. We’re both sensitive people.”

“You too?”

“Of course. It’s not like I’ve just got a few predetermined traits and that’s it. I’m not some fictional character.”

“Ha. Neither am I.”

“If I was, I’d probably want to be a dragon or something!” I declared, “But alas, I am baby.”

She turned to the offensive now, using her own hands to mess with my hair. Luckily for me, I was into that.

“OK. Yeah. That’s true. I’ve seen you cry before,” she teased.

“Hey! I’ve seen you cry too!” I protested, then pounced on her, knocking her back to the floor.

As I stared down at her, a sly smile crept on her face. I stuck out my tongue and blew raspberries, then I plopped down to rest on her chest.

“You know, it’s hard not to lash out or get defensive sometimes. It doesn’t make you a bad person.”

“Thank you,” she stroked my back as she leaned close to my ear and whisked the two words away before turning to nibble on my earlobes.

Of course things would escalate from there. Then there was probably a good chance we’d sleep all day. One great thing about the both of us was that we could both be lazy people and unashamed to say so.

Despite all the lovey-dovey antics and the way she could always come back down from the boiling point she’d reach, things weren’t always ‘couple goals’ or whatever someone might have called it. Trent once claimed that I took a liking toward Vesuvius right away, but that wasn’t quite true. When Trent first took her home, I didn’t know what to expect. My first impression was that he shouldn’t have let someone, let alone a stranger, live at his place rent-free, but then again…

“Hey, this is kinda last minute, but I just got evicted!” I announced in a panic. Just a couple years before the homeless stranger moved in, and there I was, ready to move in.

“What?! How? That doesn’t seem like a ‘last minute’ thing!” He complained, which he had every right to, but...circumstances and all.

“Okay, so first work fired me a few months ago because my boss kept getting onto me about getting distracted looking at power tools, only to get distracted looking at screws and nuts and bolts and all that good stuff. Anyway, I guess he said this wasn’t the first time I was caught doing that, and he’s had many talks with me about it and they all just went waaaaay over my head. Long story short, I spent a couple months without a job, but not to worry! I was able to pay my rent...three months ago. Anyway, long story short, I just got evicted.”

Sure, some could say something like ‘what a stereotype! A cool woman who worked at a hardware store? How cliché!’ But for the record...shiny metal objects.

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner? I could’ve helped you!”

“I mean, I thought I’d figure out something, but oops, the time just went by.”

“That’s more than an ‘oopsie’!” He balked.

“Yeah, yeah. Anyway, I’m just glad I managed to hold this job while you were a med student. Hell, I didn’t think I’d still be working there after you became a doctor, and to think I never rose in the ranks one bit. Retail’s a joke, am I right?” I nudged his arm. He didn’t seem so amused.

“But yeah, if it’s not too much trouble, can I crash at your place? I get that it’s out of the blue and all, and if you say no, that’s fine, I don’t mind. Your poor little sis can just go live on the streets. But I’d rather not go back to living with mom, either way.”

“I wouldn’t want that for you either,” he agreed. “Come on, come on,” he motioned me in, although he did groan and roll his eyes.

“Good news is I got 24 hours to get my stuff, so I should be all moved in in no time!” I did my best to stay positive. I already knew this was a heavy burden on him.

“Do you...do you need any help?” He blinked and turned to the side while asking all awkward-like.

“Nah. You’re already helping plenty by letting me live with you! Just leave it to me!” I pounded my fist against my chest and grinned to further assure him that assistance would be unnecessary.

So just after coming in, I ran back out. It took a few trips, but luckily I didn’t have anything pesky like furniture or appliances.

“How did you sleep?” He’d ask me.

“Two words, bro: Air. Mattress.”

Indeed, those things were a life saver. Call me self-sacrificing, but I really didn’t have much money considering most of my paychecks went toward getting Trent through med school. What could I say? I could afford a few years of squalor, but could he afford an endless amount of student debt? I didn’t think so.

“Well, first chance I get, I should get you an actual bed,” he stated, and as hefty as a statement as that was, there were no hints that he was joking.

So for a little while, I just slept on the couch. While by the time Ves had moved in, I had a bed in my own room, I still slept on the couch out in the living room from time to time. It was nice; I’d watch cheesy horror movies like Gremlins, Critters, and The Brave Little Toaster. Really, I felt like royalty and all I needed was to make a little crown out of scrap metal.

Funny how that was even a thought, huh? Funnier still were the thoughts that were really memories that I hoped to have forgotten. Just a couple days after I had moved in, Trent brought up a topic that was far and away from my mind. He had just gotten home and set a bag of groceries at the table. For my part, I turned and leaned against the edge of the couch.

“Got any bananas for me? Oranges? Apples, even? Dare I say, cupcakes?”

“Yeah,” he answered, his back was turned, not even bothering to turn around, and threw a banana my way from over his shoulder. Maybe he thought that he could hit me with it, but my reflexes were too good. I caught it, firm in my grasp, one handed. Take that.

“Oh, while at work today I randomly remembered something,” he mentioned. Back still turned.

“Oh?” I didn’t know what to expect. It could have been anything, but based on how his mind worked, I figured it would just be something mundane.

“Yeah. I think it’s ‘cause you just moved in, but it got me thinking about how when I first moved in a couple years ago and you helped me move.”

“Heh. All because I got better muscles than you,” I sneered.

“...That aside, remember how there was that time travel device that looked like a Nintendo 64?” He asked.

I gulped. To be honest, it was a faint memory, and there was a tinge of jealousy somewhere mixed in, but all in all, it was a cloudy thing.

“You’re the one who thought it looked like an N64! It was probably just some old record player,” I dismissed.

“Okay, but regardless of what it we think it resembled, point is, it was legit,” he turned around now, one hand on his hip, the other hand holding an apple.

“I don’t know about that…I never even got to test it out. It was all you. For all I know, you could’ve just made a break for the convenience store while I was cooped up in this apartment.”

“Sorry about that,” he said all casual, like it was a quick run and done apology. “But you can’t deny all of it. I mean, we were both there when that teenager with a wool overcoat barged in and tried to take the device back, and then this apparent message from her father showed up and it was all weird and freaky. I really don’t remember what was said, but the imagery is still there.”

I nodded.

“That does sound weird. Are you sure we both didn’t just dream it all up? I mean, I barely remember any of that shit, and that’s probably for the best. It’s not like it really changed our lives in any way. Even if it was real, it was a random occurrence that I’ve moved on from.”

Maybe that was too harsh. Then again, was it even harsh at all? It was what it was, wasn’t it? There wasn’t really much to something that I didn’t even have a part in. He shrugged, and I knew he didn’t find it to be a big deal, just a topic he found interesting. Like a song he hadn’t heard for a long time, and out of nowhere, the lyrics played out in his head. Or maybe there was some other analogy he would’ve used, probably something D&D related.

“Yeah, it’s not important or anything, it’s just something I remembered. Like, at the end of that message, she was all crying and hugged you and I imagine that was awkward for you.”

It sure was. Damn it, why’d you have to bring that up now?

“Ha. As if a girl would ever hug me in real life. We all know I’m the one who does the hugging,” I closed my eyes and pointed my thumb against my chest, with a smug grin glued to that slab of skin we called a ‘face’.

“Anyway, I just thought it was neat. Not that there’s really any take away from it. Sorry if it made you all defensive,” he shrugged.

“What?” I gasped. “Me? Defensive? As if! I don’t even believe in time travel! Furthermore, it doesn’t matter how cute a girl is, I do not want to be hugged by no teenager! Only people my age, peas and thank you.”

Again, he shrugged, as he was prone to do.

“Well, like we said, it doesn’t really affect anything It’s not like we’re going to see that person again, and I doubt any other weird people are ever gonna enter this apartment.”

He sounded so sure of himself.

So when she finally showed up at the apartment, it was as if he had spoken a curse into existence. Even if I may not have remembered what he said at the time, there was an aura about the whole thing, like, “I just knew this would happen.”

Most of the time, Trent would be out, I’d be in my room, or in the workshop (it was originally a walk-in closet in the hallway, but after some tweaks here and there, it became a full-fledged tinkering room) and whichever place I’d happen to be in, a soft near-silence would follow. Buzzes from the refrigerator carried through the air, little drafts here and there. Clangs from the pounding of a hammer upon a steel table. Hums of a ceiling light. Those sounds.

If I didn’t know any better, I would have thought I was alone. But just the other night, Trent brought home a woman who was out on the streets and let her stay in the empty room (first room down the hall. How things went were kinda like...you walk in, walk down the hall, first room to the right, empty room. Then next door is to the left, and it’s workshop formerly known as closet. Last two rooms furthest down the hall were Trent and I’s. Mine on the right, his on the left). My brother had a big heart, no doubt about that, but something like that was a little unprecedented.

The day after he brought her home, I wasn’t even sure if she was still there. I spent the whole whole day cooped up in that apartment, flipping through channels, making myself PB&Js and generally having a good time. I’d put on some disco music and dance out of sheer boredom. Still, not once did I see that door open. Not once did I see that mysterious homeless lady, not even at a passing glance.

Same thing with the day after alongside the little ambiance. No hints nor signs of another soul besides mine.

It was still early in the day, a little before noon. Light shone through the gaps between the blinds in the windows. Restless, curious even, I approached the door to that empty room.

But it might not be empty. That stranger might be there.

My heart was as worked up as my mind was and as my hand reached for the door handle, I had to stop myself.

“It would be rude to barge in,” I muttered. I drew a hefty breath. We all knew I wouldn’t be able to stop myself, but all the same, I was hesitant. “I know if someone barged into my room, I wouldn’t like it much…”

So I raised my arm just a cut above the handle and balled my hand into a fist, ready to knock.

...Yet I didn’t. There was a worry in me that I’d knock too loud, so I released my grip and let out another belabored breath.

As long as I’m quiet, it shouldn’t be a problem, right? And if no one’s there, all the better. If someone’s there, all I gotta say is, “sorry I didn’t know there was someone in here.” Yeah. Foolproof.

“Here goes…” Confidence was not on my side, yet there I was, my palm on the handle, and I turned, gave a little pull, and let the door do the rest of the work as it coaxed itself open, propelled by the gentle momentum. I crept through the gap, then stood, stunned.

She lay there, spread across the floor. An orange striped blanket covered her, and underneath I spied a purple rain jacket. I crouched down next to her, still filled with wonder, still hoping to keep my movements quiet. As I leaned in, I felt a jolt rush through me, shocked at how close I was to her face.

You know, she’s actually quite beautiful now that I’ve got a good look at her: Her hair isn’t so much golden blonde as it is such a light shade, almost white. Mystical. Her skin looks soft, radiant even. However old she is, she’s definitely got that ‘babyface’ thing going on. She looks peaceful with her eyelids shut and little warm breezy breaths wafting out from her open mouth. She must be deep in sleep right now. I was right to be quiet. Sure, she smells kinda mildewy, but she was out in the rain after all.

My eyes traced down her back and I couldn’t help but notice how the blanket didn’t cover all of her. Her legs were folded, but even so, it was apparent just how tall she was.

“Now’s not the time to be horny, Juniper,” I scolded myself in a whisper. “I only came in to check if she was actually in here. Now that I know, I can leave.”

I began to get up, but was stopped when I noticed her begin to stir from her sleep. She stretched out and her arms ended up on my lap, and she must have mistaken it for a pillow, as she crawled up my lap until her torso was leaned up against mine, and I found myself frozen in nervousness.

Uh...what do I do now?

Despite her eyes not yet open, she continued her way up and placed a hand on my cheek. I could have stopped her, I could have moved her hand away, but for whatever reason, I had no desire to.

“My love…” She whispered in a faint, breathy voice, then she fell back down and went right back to sleep. Out of all of the things to happen next, that wasn’t something I expected.

I blinked.

“Excuse me? Do you just say that to the first person you see?” I could no longer control the volume of my voice, I was too dumbfounded for that. Yet despite my reaction, she didn’t wake back up.

I managed to pull her off of me without waking her (spoilers: she was indeed a heavy sleeper), then left the room. As far as first impressions went, that was...something. Not something I could really put words to, but I’d be sure to tell Trent about it.

Just a day later, Trent and I sat at the kitchen table and I couldn’t help but bring up our guest.

“I finally had an encounter with her,” I opened up the conversation.

“Who?” He wondered, an earnest clueless tone.

“The one you brought home a few nights ago, who else?” I scoffed.

“Oh, right. She’s still here?”

I stared at him.

“How are you this careless?”

“Hey, I’ve been busy with work, I’ve not had time to check in. It’s not like she has to stay here or anything, she’s free to leave at any time.”

“Maybe she should leave,” I let slip.

“Why’s that?” He seemed surprised.

“We don’t know anything about her, Trent. We don’t know what she’s like or whether it’s safe to keep her in the house,” I argued.

“She told me she was running from something,” he mentioned, and although concerning, that only solidified my point.

“Then what she needs is a women’s shelter, not some bumbling doctor and his lazy sister,” and upon realizing how I described him, I added, “no offense, by the way.”

“None taken. Look, I’m the one who pays for this apartment, and besides, I let you live here when you didn’t have a home.”

That...he had a point. But boy howdy, I was stubborn.

“Yeah, but I’m your sister. You know me. You know, yesterday when I checked in on her, you know what she did?”

“What?”

“She woke up and climbed up to me and called me her love. Like, what the fuck? Not to say I wasn’t into it, but I also wasn’t expecting it.”

“Well then, what’s the problem?” He inquired, then sipped his cup of coffee. I was just about to swipe that mug out of his hand.

“What’s the – oh, never mind. She can stay, obviously, and I’m not trying to make a big stink about her, but I just want you to be realistic and not overburden yourself. For that matter, has she been eating? Does she have food? Because if she’s not eating here, and just locking herself up, then she really is better off in a shelter than here.”

He shrugged. Classic.

“I’m guessing she feeds at night,” he suggested.

I’m sure the argument would have went on for at least another hour, but before I could get another word in, we both turned and saw the door to her room creak open. Although at first, we didn’t quite spot her, and her movements were languid and wraith-like, nary a sound made, we both caught her attention as she drew near the front door.

“Oh, uh, sorry if you heard us talk about you!” I called over, flustered. Out of all the things, I didn’t expect such a sudden appearance. She glanced at me, but then turned her attention toward Trent instead. So rude.

“Thank you for letting me stay, but I’ll be taking my leave now,” she told him.

“Oh? So soon?” He seemed surprised. I mean, it was what? Three days? That wasn’t super soon or anything. She looked down on the floor.

“It just dawned on me...who you two are...it’s not a good idea for me to be here any longer,” she muttered.

The hell does she mean by that? I wondered.

“Well, if that’s how you feel, I won’t stop you,” he brushed aside. He could be like that if he wanted, but something didn’t sit right with me.

“So that’s just it, huh? You took advantage of my brother’s kindness and now you’re going to bail?” I scowled and sharpened my voice. That time, I got her attention.

“Excuse me? He invited me here. If you have a problem, take it up with him,” she shot back, also wearing a scowl on her pretty face.

“I already did. He was willing to help you and instead you hid out and starved yourself.”

Her brow creased further and so did her lips. I thought I could spy little fangs protruding and clenched down against her lips.

“I can take care of myself,” she growled. “Who are you to tell me how I should and shouldn’t be?”

“I’m the one you called your lover. Or did you forget that little mishap?”

That time, her fists clenched as well.

“For your information,” she seethed. “I was dreaming and must have mistaken you for someone else in my sleep. I assure you, I would never want you as a lover.”

“Wanna bet?” I flared up as well. Really, out of all the things to argue about, at that point it seemed like I was arguing just to argue.

“This is ridiculous…” she turned her head away, and reached for the front door. “I don’t need any of your help. I’m better off alone, anyway.”

Once she set her hand on the door handle, however, she hunched down and clasped her head with her other hand. She started to heave and moan as if she were about to throw up. That time, both Trent and I were concerned. He was the first to get up and rush to her side. Something in me made me jealous, as if I were just a little quicker, I would have been the one at her side.

“Are you okay?” He held onto her.

“I’m fine,” she rasped, even if the aching of her voice proved otherwise. “I’m just a little dizzy and nauseous and have a bit of a headache. I’ll be fine.”

Defiant until the end, I noted.

“Do you need me to take you to the hospital?” He asked.

“No! I don’t need a hospital!” She lashed. “I’m – urp,” she was probably going to say that she was fine again, but had to stop herself. She both looked and sounded like she was struggling not to throw up, and at that point, she let go of the handle and held onto the base of the door itself.

For my part, I had gotten up, but I was at a loss for words. I stood there and watched, horrified and worried for this stranger’s sake.

“My...my brother’s a doctor…” I spoke up, much less confident than before. “If you don’t want to go to a hospital, he can treat you here.”

“I can?” He looked at me. Sure, it was a spur of the moment comment, and he didn’t have any medical equipment at home, but I bet he could manage.

“I’m…” she glared at me. “I’m fine. I’m just not good with the daylight and I haven’t eaten for several days.”

“Stop!” I yelled. “Stop saying you’re fine. You’re clearly not and you shouldn’t be starving yourself. We can help you here, but you need to accept our help.”

Her gaze was fixed on me, and she stared. But rather than a scowl, she looked dejected and faint. Ready to pass out at any moment.

“Fine…” She relented at last.

I ran into the kitchen and poured a glass of water from the tap. When I rushed over to her, I held the water up to her face.

“Drink. Please.”

She did so, but then spit out the water. It didn’t look to be on purpose, but I still would have preferred if it didn’t happen.

After a moment, she was able to swallow more, and I took the water back. She stood back up.

“I’ll stay a while longer. I guess.”

“Good. But while you’re here, you should eat with us,” I tried to lay out at least one ground rule.

She looked away, held her sleeve up to her mouth, and I thought I could spot a blush upon her face.

“I’ll do it for you,” she groaned.

It would be best if she did it for herself. For all her talk of handling things on her own, it concerned me that she hadn’t been taking care of herself. Maybe she wasn’t able to, but it seeemed that rather than being unable, she just wasn’t interested in doing so. Still, it was a start.

So yeah. It wasn’t the best start and I wasn’t really sure how things developed to the point that we were bonafide wives who looked out for each other. There must have been a journey that led up to it, but I still couldn’t pinpoint when it was that we became genuine lovers. It was probably about a couple years before we got together, so there was some kind of build up at least.

No matter the case, I was glad with how things turned out. We had each other and I had a workshop in my shed, she had her greenhouse with its poisonous plants. We were both in good health and even if her mental state wasn’t always the best, I loved her range of emotions and we were strong enough to recover from whatever it was she dealt with.

Life had a great deal of difficulties, even without the burden of money and city life. That said, both of us were in agreement how happy we were for things to just be the two of us in our place of solace. That said, we welcomed her friends Velvet and Coriander, and like Trent before me, I was sure I’d welcome anyone who wished to stay with us.

“Oh! By the way!” I was reminded of a potential visitor we may have. I was sitting in the armchair, Ves had just gotten back inside after tending to her greenhouse. She wore sunglasses, a face mask, gardening gloves, and a pair of pliers (that’s what they were, right?)

“Hm?” She looked my way and her voice was muffled under he mask.

“Demetria’s mom called the other day. Remember Demetria?”

She shook her head.

“At the wedding, she was the pipsqueak? Your cousin-in-law? Anyway, her mom’s worried about her. Apparently she’s been dealing with a lot. Demetria, not the mom. She sent her mom a text saying that she plans to come over here and stay for a while, so her mom was asking if Demetria was here.”

“Are you going to let her stay here if she comes?” She asked.

“I don’t see why not? She’s family, even if I don’t really know her all that well. Besides, you stayed with Trent and I for years before we moved out.”

“True. I was just really enjoying it just being the two of us out here.”

“Aw, me too, hun. But we let Velvet and Coriander stay.”

“I was reluctant about that too,” she pointed out.

Maybe it was bad to say so, but I kind of found her possessiveness to be cute. Besides, I knew she had a good heart and wouldn’t mind someone else being here, even if she wasn’t too keen on the idea.

“I know how you feel, I can read you pretty well. But you don’t have to worry, we don’t have to give up our free life or anything like that. We’ve got our own room, she’ll have hers, and I’m sure she won’t mind how we are, anyway.”

“You may be right. Sorry, I’m just quick to not like something. I’m sure I’ll be fine with her here, and maybe I could get to know her better, too. I’ll do my best to treat her with kindness,” she resolved, then nodded.

“I know you will,” I agreed.

Between the two of us, she may have seemed like the less kind one, but as I said, we were more similar than she realized.

Even if I couldn’t pinpoint where our love for each other blossomed, I could at least recall when I resolved to be there for her.

See, while we began to eat meals together, and she bathed and got new changes of clothes (courtesy of Trent), she still seemed kinda secretive. Like there were just some things she felt she had to keep hidden. However, on my end, I was fixated on those words when she was first about to leave.

“Did you happen to meet us before you moved in?” I’d bring up at times, or ask, “have you known about us from somewhere?”

But each time, I’d get dismissed.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, sorry,” or, “that’s a strange question to ask.”

But I could tell she was being coy about it. However, her attempts at hiding the truth wouldn’t keep me from wanting to know.

One evening, I entered her room. I gave two light taps beforehand, and in response, she called, “come in.”

As soon as I did so, I saw her try to hide something away from me.

“Hey, what’cha got there?” I asked.

“Just some random junk I found when I was homeless,” she rushed to say and scrambled to find a place to hide it.

“I like junk,” I let her know. “I like making things in my workshop. I’m sure I could put it to good use.”

“No!” She hissed.

I backed away, disappointed.

“Is it that bad?” I pouted.

“Yes. Sorry.”

“Why?”

“You wouldn’t understand,” she huffed.

“Try me,” I crossed my arms.

She sighed, then showed me. My eyes widened as I recognized its cubic shape and little buttons. Despite its primitive look, she had pulled parts of it apart and chips and wires hung out. It looked less like she broke it, however, and more like she was trying to make improvements to it.

“Is that…?” Flashbacks to when my brother first moved in started to play out and my head spun trying to piece together the implications.

“It’s mine. I’ve modified it, but I’m working on making it better. It’s hard work. I’m not good with technology, but I’ve studied its contents here and there and have already figured out some things.”

“But...how?”

“How what?”

“How do you have that? I know I’ve seen it before and –” She stopped me before I could finish.

“Like I said, it’s mine. We met before, years ago, when I was younger. I didn’t think I’d ever run into you two again, I didn’t even want to, and when your brother took me in, the incident was far from my mind.”

“Incident?”

“After I took my device back. No, my father’s device, I returned home, but things were strange. I couldn’t stay. Anywhere. There were dangerous people after me, people who wanted to use me, and ever since, I’ve been on the run. It’s only been by coincidence that I’ve come to this time period and met you two. I swear, I never wanted to put either of you in danger.”

“What are you talking about?” The more she spoke, the more outlandish things seemed to be.

“You already know.”

“That’s not possible. It wasn’t that long ago, and she was just a teenager. You’re the same age as me.”

“Exactly,” she stared, her face dead serious. “For you, it may have only been a few years or so, for me, I lost more years than that. I’ve had to travel through time, fend off people you never wanted to meet, and now I am the person you see today.”

“That’s ridiculous. Time travel isn’t real. Did Trent put you up to this?”

“I knew you wouldn’t believe me,” she shook her head, “even though your own brother traveled through time, you refuse.”

“I don’t even know if he did. I never even got to try that device before you, er, she took it away! So what proof do I have?”

“I’m sorry. I can’t prove it, but I’m not lying.”

“Prove it,” I was adamant. It really wasn’t fair on her, but I just felt like I was pulled in on some practical joke, even if I knew it had to be true. “Take me somewhere. Anywhere through time. If you can do that, I’ll believe you.”

“Don’t believe me if you don’t want to, but I’m not going to do that. It’s too dangerous.”

“I bet I can handle it. I’m tougher than I look,” I called her bluff.

Despite wanting to protest further, she gave in, a mournful expression having taken hold.

“Very well. We’ll go. Give me a few days. May I use your workshop?”

“Of course. You don’t even have to ask.”

“Good. When we go, make sure to stay close to me,” she instructed.

After a few days passed, she came up to me while I was on the couch watching Trent play one of his games on TV. I think it was something called ‘Deus Ex’ or whatever.

“It’s done,” she informed me.

I sprung up from the couch.

“Later Trent. I’ll be back, uh...sometime,” I told him, then hopped off to follow her into her room. From behind, I could hear him say something like, “not like it’s any of my business what you two do in that bedroom.”

Of course, I ignored it.

Once behind closed doors, she told me to pick a time period.

“I don’t know...hm...maybe the 1930s? I’ve always wanted to see the great depression. I’m sure it was neat!”

She raised a brow.

“Neat? Oh, never mind. Sure,” she disregarded, then entered in 1932 and today’s date into the device, then hit enter as we held on tight. Before, I knew it was supposed to only be one person per use, but through her modifications, we were both able to go.

It was instantaneous. A flash. One moment, in that bedroom, the next, in an empty deserted street, houses left abandoned.

I looked around, the sky was some darkened indigo color with a gray hue washed over it. Everything about where we were at looked gloomy. Next to the rows of buildings was an open field of long grass.

“Well...this certainly looks like some kinda depression,” I remarked.

She wasn’t so amused, however, scanning the area like a hawk.

“Something isn’t right,” she mentioned.

“What isn’t?” I tried to ask, but she ignored it.

“Let’s move on. We shouldn’t linger too long. If anything happens, hide.”

“What would we hide from?” I once again tried to ask.

She didn’t answer. We continued to walk forward and a newspaper flew by on the ground. I snatched it up and noticed its date. The year on it was 1931 and the headline was about a food shortage.

“I can’t believe it…” I muttered.

Still, believe it, I must. There was no longer any denying where I was, even if I wanted to. However, what lingered on my mind was why we hadn’t encountered any signs of life. Not even someone desperate or starving, but just us two. Maybe it had to do with the time period, but I would’ve figured there would be at least one person we passed by.

Further down the street, we spotted a few old looking roofless cars. Then, a static-y sound erupted.

“Crap,” Ves hissed, then turned to me. “Juniper. Hide.”

Without even knowing why, I did so, feeling an inexplicable pounding against my chest, a foreboding sense burned through. I ducked down, crawled underneath one of the cars. My breaths grew heavy and I was worried about being given away, even though I didn’t know why. I could just sense that I shouldn’t be found.

Up ahead were the clacks of footsteps and I looked ahead, despite my narrow vision, to see a group of a few people in black slacks and black dress shoes.

“Well, well, Etna. We didn’t expect you to show yourself,” one of them spoke, a venomous delight to their voice.

Etna?

“Worry not. I won’t be here long,” Ves’ voice turned into a cold monotone.

“Of course not. Because we’ll be taking you, and your guest away.”

Fear washed over me, a jolt which would soon give way to panic.

“Fuck,” Ves hissed. She swerved down between the car I was hiding in and another and gunfire erupted. I saw her sneak to the other side of the car as cover.

“Juniper,” she turned to me and slid the device over. “Hold on to it. I’ll take care of them.”

“But they know I’m here too!”

“They don’t know what you look like, they just know I didn’t come alone. If things take a turn for the worst, I want you to use the device and head back home.”

“No. I’m not leaving without you.”

“It’s me that they want,” she scowled. “I’m telling you this to keep you safe. They’d want the device if they could get it, but I’m their top priority.”

So that’s it? You’re just going to let them capture you? I don’t see how you can get out of this mess, thoughts flooded me.

Despite my fears, she wasn’t as defenseless as I believed. It was like she was prepared for such an encounter, as she leapt over the car she had been behind and shoved herself into one of the strangers. As one tried to grab her, she grabbed the gun of the one she knocked down instead and shot them. There were two more, one which got shot in the chest and the last one, she struck beside their forehead with the gun she had in hand. Even the gun looked strange, like some kind of liquid was sloshing around inside, like lava. That last figure was knocked out and fell to the ground. That first person to get knocked to the ground was still conscious and tried to grab her by the ankle, but she shot at their face.

Once that was over, she dropped the weapon and huffed heavy breaths.

“You can come out now,” she informed. “But we should hurry back. They’re likely to send more.”

“You killed them,” my mouth was dry. I was at a loss for words.

“Not all of them. One is knocked unconscious. I would have knocked them all unconscious had I better reflexes.”

“Still…”

“I get it. Do you hate me now? Are you afraid of me?” Her voice shook, as well as the rest of her. She looked ready to break into tears.

“No, that’s not it. I’m just surprised. I didn’t think that’s what you had to deal with,” I reassured her. Yes, I was afraid, shocked, even. But if things were really so bad that she had to resort to such things, I couldn’t blame her. I just wanted to comfort her and protect her, so she wouldn’t have to, instead.

When we returned to the apartment, she put the device away.

“I don’t to have to use this again until I know it will be safe to do so,” she struggled to form the words, still shaken, herself. Possibly by her own actions.

“I had no idea,” I was stunned and about ready to break down, myself.

“Now do you believe me?” She asked.

“Yes. I believe you.”

Although the danger of the organization that pursued her is long behind her, even to this day, it affected her. That much I was aware of. We lived in peace, but to her, she wanted to hold tight to it and anything she associated with peace. It was like at any moment it would crumble in her hands and she’d have to run and hide once again.

Despite such difficulties, her insecurities, her history, our love remained strong. I wanted, no, needed her to know that it wouldn’t go away and she wasn’t this awful person she at times saw herself to be. I just hoped I could continue to get through to her.

As we ran through the fields with our hoes and tilled the soil beneath us, I turned to her and smiled.

“Whew. Hard work, huh?” I wiped my sweat-drenched forehead. “At least we’ll get some good veggies from it.”

“Yeah. It may be hard, but when it’s ripe, it makes it all the more worth it,” she smiled. It was still warm, radiant, even with all the sadness which latched onto her.

“I know it’s hard to find happiness sometimes, maybe even harder now that you’ve found a victory you never thought you’d achieve,” I told her. “But I know it’s possible. I believe so.”

She shook her head.

“I don’t need to be happy all the time. All I need is to be home, and as long as I’m with you, I’m home.”

My heart swelled. It was sappy, I knew, but I felt like bursting into tears all the same.

“Say, if we wanted, we can leave this behind. We can return to the city. Or better, we could hitchhike and travel the world. Maybe find an abandoned castle to live in. We don’t have to stay anywhere,” she laughed. “Oh, what am I saying? I wouldn’t mind wherever we are, but I know I would be too afraid to leave.”

I laughed too.

“We don’t need to go anywhere, and we don’t need to stay in the same place. Whatever we do, we can have fun, and we’ll be sure to love each other.”

You’re safe, I wanted to tell her. She knew that already, though. She must have.

#remoras full #wives #scifi #drama #writing #stories #flashbacks #this was supposed to only take one week to write #took two instead

[katefiction]

Second Chances - Part I

by mrandmrswales (Emily) / August 23. 2013

This is slightly different to what I normally write but I’m quite proud of it so far! There should be another part to it, as its quite a long fanfiction. Thank you to the lovely Maria for helping me with the title, I was stuck about this but I think it fits nicely. Anyway, don’t forget to give me feedback and I hope you like reading it! (This is all fiction)

The first thing that 19 year old Catherine Middleton saw when her lids fluttered open that first morning was the sight of rain pouring down outside the thin glass window. The trees swayed vulnerably under the force of the cruel wind. Kate let out an inaudible groan and squeezed her eyes shut again, imagining that the rain and wind were nothing but the soundtrack to a typical morning at home. The previous night had been a haze of plane flights and driving through rocky terrain until a cluster of cabins had loomed out of the night. Kate and about 20 others had been herded from a car and split into one of the many cabins, males one way and females the other. By that point, everyone’s eyelids had been drooping and sleep had been a welcome relief.

‘All right everyone up!’

A shrill voice echoed through the hut and several loud groans echoed across the room. Kate grinned at the sound, remembering the fuss that would occur in the mornings at boarding school. She pulled herself up off the floor, her back protesting at the night slept on the floor. Her body would have to get used to it, she had 10 weeks left of this.

Half an hour later, the women were herded out of the hut, across the wet, cold yard and into a small kitchen. A huge vat of porridge bubbled on the small cooker and roughly 10 boys sat bleary eyed at a long bench while many more were gathered in a parallel room to be briefed by the other guides. A couple of hushed whispers and giggles erupted from behind Kate and she turned back to see the source.

‘Oh my god!’

‘I can’t believe it’s really him!’

Kate rolled her eyes and turned to sweep her gaze across the bench, her eyes eventually settling on a young man with familiar eyes and a mob of blonde hair. It was no other than Prince William.

————————————————————————————————————————————–

‘Hi I’m Will.’

‘Kate. Pleased to meet you.’ William met her gaze from under his blonde mop of hair and smiled bashfully. Kate turned to the sink to hide the sudden blush creeping up her neck.

‘Shall we get started?’

‘Yep. What needs to be done?’

‘I think the dishes and then the cutlery.’ Kate said, her gaze sweeping over the pile of dirty plates beside the two tiny sinks. Outside the window, the sun swept its golden rays from over the distant hills and the sound of their friends laughing and chatting filled their ears. ‘Let’s get it done shall we?’ Kate said at the envious look on William’s face.

‘So…um, where abouts do you live?’ William asked racking his brain for conversation starters. Kate smiled.

‘I live in a village called Bucklebury in Berkshire.’ She replied softly. ‘You live in London I suppose?’

William shrugged, ‘Yeah, but I also live in Scotland I guess. I go there quite a lot.’

‘Ah nice. I love Scotland.’ Kate replied with a reassuring smile.

William grinned, happy to have a mutual interest at last. ‘Yeah. It’s always been my sanctuary because the paps can’t get to us there.’ He replied casually and Kate shot him a glance. The idea of being chased around by strange men seemed absurd, but to him it was presumably normal.

‘What’s it like being royal?’ She asked suddenly, blushing furiously at his amused look. ‘Sorry..I..that was an odd question.’ She muttered, but William shook his head, turning back to the dish he was drying.

‘It’s just something that I’ve always been aware of. Mum always kept Harry and I grounded but the idea of being King always hung over me. I’m different, but I have always resented being so. The paparazzi make it harder of course because nothing is ever private to them.’ Kate smiled sympathetically.

‘I can’t pretend to know what it feels like to have old men chasing you around but I can guess. It must be really ghastly.’

‘Yeah it’s pretty bad. It makes finding girlfriends or making friends hard because they’re never afraid to hunt them down and find every last detail about them.’ William sighed and moved onto the next plate. Kate tutted and did the same, shooting glances at his hunched frame and floppy blonde hair. The idea of having a casual conversation with the future King of England at a sink in Chile seemed almost dream-like and unimaginable, but to her surprise it was so normal. He was just like any other 19 year old boy except slightly more experienced in life’s hardships.

‘So what university are you going to go to after the summer?’ She asked flippantly. William grimaced and opened his mouth to speak.

‘Oh I’m-’

‘KATE?!!! CAN YOU COME HERE PLEASE? MARK HAS SPILT WATER ON YOUR JUMPER!’ William was interrupted and Kate groaned.

‘Excuse me.’ She said and rushed from the room, William shooting an amused glance at her as she hurried from the room.

—————————————————————————————–

It was a crisp, cool morning as Kate left the cabins to make her way down to the woods where she was to chop wood with William. Dew shone like diamonds over the springy grass and the mist hung over the trees, cloaking the area in grey. The hill was steep and wet as Kate tentatively made her way down towards where William stood, already chopping wood. He looked up as she approached

‘Hello again, you and I always seem to be together!’ He grinned ‘Come to check I’m chopping right?!’

‘Yeah, Kirsty said she didn’t trust you not to accidentally chop your arm off’ Kate replied with a chuckle. William’s face twisted into mock hurt and he handed her an axe.

The two began chopping in contented silence, the sound of birds chirping joyfully and wood splitting under the blow of metal being the only noises that filled the valley. Kate looked up through her fringe at William, admiring the concentration on his young face, every now and again reaching to sweep a lock of golden hair away from his face. He looked at her suddenly and she blushed.

‘Admiring my talent at chopping wood?!’ He teased and Kate laughed.

‘Most definitely. One might even think you did it as a professional’ William tutted but smiled all the same.

‘So tell me about yourself. Do you have any brothers or sisters?’

‘I have a younger sister and brother called Pippa and James. Pippa and I are very close because were quite close in age, whereas James is quite a bit younger than me. I love him very much though, although he does drive me mad sometimes! Although, Pippa drives me more mad! She knows how to wind me up better than anything.’

William smiled ‘Care to share how?’

‘That would be telling!’ The two’s eyes held each other’s for a moment and Kate felt a small blush creeping up her neck.

‘So.’ She said suddenly, shaking her head free from thoughts of drowning in his clear blue eyes. ‘You just have Harry? You get on well?’

‘Oh yes, Harry is one of my best friend. He, like your sister loves to wind me up though. Especially in public when I can’t do anything about it! Ever since Mum…died. We’ve been very close. I was the one that…told him.’ William’s eyes shadowed over and his face became sad, almost vulnerable. Kate said nothing, averting her eyes so as to give him a moment. She had never dreamt that she would ever hear William talking so openly to her of all people about his mother, one of the most famous women who ever roamed the earth and was so dear to him.

Before she could stop herself she blurted out ‘I can’t even imagine how hard that must have been.’

William looked at her and she saw his eyes soften slightly as they roamed over her. ‘It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. It tore him apart, and even to this day I’m the only one who ever truly knows how badly it did. You don’t recover from something like that.’

‘No.’ Kate said softly and stepped forward so she was level to him.

‘I miss her so much’ He whispered, his eyes locking with hers.

‘Your mother would be so proud of everything you’ve done. You’ve been a fantastic brother to Harry and you’ve held yourself together. That’s more than some people could do. She replied softly.

He looked at her for a moment ‘You’re a special girl Kate.’

‘I like to think so.’ Kate replied jokingly and he grinned, the sadness broken.

‘Shall we play a game?’

‘A game?’

‘Yeah. How about 21 questions? So I can really get to know you.’

Kate laughed ‘Go on then, but I can assure you I’m a very boring person.’

‘No more boring than me. Right, first question: How old were you when you had your first kiss?’

’16.’

What’s your favourite food?

‘Aw that’s a hard one. Umm… I’m going to go with my mum’s spaghetti bolognaise.’

‘Good answer. What’s one of your most embarrassing moments?’

‘The time I accidentally flashed my ‘behind’ at my housemistress. We used to do it at the boys and she walked in one time. Oh God it was so embarrassing.’

William laughed ‘Right, question number four: What is it of me that you like the most?’

‘Your eyes.’

William raised his eyebrows ‘anything else while we’re at it?’

‘Shut up and ask me the next question!’

‘All right! Favourite sport?’

‘Hockey’

‘Favourite item of clothing?’

‘My little black dress.’

‘What do you want to be when your older?’

‘I still don’t know. Something to do with fashion I think.’

‘Favourite colour?’

‘Blue.’

‘Favourite movie?’

‘Ummm. Probably-’

‘CATHERINE?!’

Kate jumped and William turned around. Kirsty, their activities leader stood at the top of the hill. ‘YOUR NEEDED UP HERE PLEASE! IS THE WOOD ALL CHOPPED?’

‘YES! JUST COMING’ Kate shouted back and began to gather her wood together. ‘Guess we’ll have to finish this another time.’

‘Guess so. Well see you later, I’ve just got a bit to go.’

‘Okay.’ Kate smiled and tore herself away, reluctantly heading back to camp, cursing whoever it was that needed her.

——————————————————————————————-

‘Good Morning everyone, today is the day when you meet the children at the nursery for the first time! Now you all have had training the last few days so you know what you’re doing. Just have fun and be gentle with them, particularly you lot!’ Kirsty their trainer said with a laugh, pointing at the men who were listening to her with huge grins on their faces.

Kirsty continued,  Kate and the others listening intently to their team leader as she ran them through the details of the school day. Kate had been looking forward to doing this rather than just doing activities at the camp as she loved children. From across the circle of people, she caught William’s eye and he grinned cheekily at her. The two had grown close as they were often thrown together in activities such as hunting, chopping wood or just washing up. She had even heard William say he preferred her company to some of the other girls who did nothing but ogle him or giggle when he spoke. All in all however, they all got on well and had become fast friends. Kate had grown close to many of the women and men, some older, some younger. William had become her closest confidant and the longer she spent in his company, the more Kate was beginning to fall for him. She had tried not to, especially as she knew he wouldn’t like her back like that. However, unfortunately when it came to love, logic never came into it. Kate stuck her tongue out at him and turned back to listening to Kirsty, trying to ignore the tingly feeling in her stomach from his smile.

Kate watched with a huge grin on her face as Will and Mark Turner careered around the patio with two 3 year old boys on their shoulders. A huge amount of noise was coming from all four and Kate and the other volunteers were all watching and laughing as the boys screeched with joy. The last two hours had been spent teaching the children to read and spell, with time imbetween for playing. The children were all very sweet and Kate had started to fall in love with several of the little girls who insisted on playing hairdressers with her long hair. Kate was about to turn back into the classroom to continue the English lesson she was teaching when William glanced up and grinned at her from underneath a lock of blonde hair. Immediately, a shiver ran down her spine and she smiled dreamily back. Beside her, her friend Ellie looked suspiciously at her. Kate caught her eye and blushed.

‘What?’

‘You’re not falling for him are you?’ She whispered back, concern mingling with amusement.

‘What? No of course not. He’s like my best friend!’

‘Yeah, but that look you just gave him was hardly platonic.’

‘Oh come on Ellie, he’s good looking but I don’t like him like that.’

‘Me thinks the lady doth protest too much’

Kate tutted and turned away, not wanting Ellie to figure out the truth from the blush on her cheeks. She knew it was ridiculous and she would get over him but in all honesty, she knew that wasn’t going to happen anytime soon. She just hoped he would realise or even return her feelings.

‘Perhaps tonight at the salsa dancing he will whisk you onto the dance floor and kiss you passionately!’ Ellie whispered again. Kate snorted and returned her eyes back to where William was now cuddling several youngsters, however Ellie’s words niggled in her head. Maybe tonight was the night.

—————————————————————————————-

Kate shivered and warmed her hands over the roaring bonfire, captivated by the different colours dancing together in harmony. Beyond it, shadows of her friends illuminated against the night sky by the flames showed their bodies, dancing in harmony to the music that roared through the village. Laughter filled the air, partly to do with the alcohol supplied to them by the villagers and partly to do with the Salsa dancing, many partook in. Turning her head to the left slightly, she caught sight of William, leaning against the wall of a little hut, casually holding a glass of local beer. His deep laughter sent a shiver down her spine which she revelled in momentarily before chastising herself for allowing him to have that effect over her. Standing in front of him in a casual stance, stood Hilary Castle; her blonde hair glowing in the light of the fire and her lithe body leaning into him. She watched with jealousy as he dipped his head closer to her to hear what she was saying before laughing again, throwing his head back in mirth while his blue eyes twinkled. Unable to watch any longer, Kate stood up and wandered over to where the salsa dancing was taking place. Within minutes she was thrust into the arms of a slightly drunk village boy, the music running through her as she allowed her inhibitions to leave her.

It took one glance over to ruin the evening for Kate. All of a sudden, the warm tingly feeling from the dancing and the alcohol and the laughter left her. She felt numb, her eyes unable to tear themselves away from the sight of his lips moving over hers, their bodies pressed against the wall in eagerness and the glass of beer abandoned on the floor at their feet, its contents leaking over the grass. The shrieks of laughter from her drunk companions only reminded her that what alcohol she had consumed was not enough to numb the pain of him kissing someone else. Extracting herself from her partner’s iron grip, she hurried over to the bar and grabbed a glass of something.

‘You okay?’ Kate jumped and whirled around to face a young local. He had large brown eyes and floppy hair. He grinned at her ‘I’m Marcos’, holding out his hand to shake hers. Then, he pointed to the large glass she was about to knock back. ‘Do you just want to get really drunk or is there something wrong?!’ He asked, sounding amused. ‘That stuff is strong.’

‘Oh. Well…I just. Um.’ Kate stuttered, her brain refusing to form coherent thoughts. Then, on seeing his kind expression, sunk into the chair next to him and buried her head in her hand. ‘To be honest, I just want to block out the image of the guy I like snogging the face off someone else.’

‘Ahh.’ He replied, and took a measured sip of his drink. ‘Guy troubles.’ Kate nodded and gave a muffled sniff. ‘Well I know the perfect way of clearing your head.’ Kate looked up at him and raised an eyebrow.

‘What would that be? And don’t say Salsa dancing, I’m really not in the mood.’

He chuckled. ‘Salsa dancing, when done with a professional, is very sexy. It looks fantastic and is perfect for getting back at him. You don’t have to do much, leave it up to me. All you have to do is look interested in me, laugh and smile and he will be fuming.’ He replied, puffing out his chest proudly. ‘Come on!’

Kate hesitated. She didn’t want to be petty, but it did sound perfect at showing him she didn’t care. Plus it would save her from disgracing herself tonight and ending up with a colossal hangover in the morning. Giving him her hand, she allowed herself to be pulled from the chair and into the open, next to the roaring fire.

Kate was vaguely aware of the noise surrounding her as they cheered her and Marcos on. The music fired through her veins, stronger than what alcohol could have done. His arms around her were like an iron vice, but were gentle at the same time. Their hips moved in unison and his eyes bored into hers. If she didn’t know that the look on his usual cheeky face was for effect, she would think that he was a passionate lover. He spun her around, flipped her upside down and lifted her to the sky, all the while; never leaving her eyes. She played her part, laughing and smiling, although it didn’t take long for it to become natural rather than forced. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw William, watching. His features knitted together in a conflicted expression while Hilary stood beside him, cheering them on like the rest of the blurred faces around the campfire as she passed them. Marcos let out a small smile every time he saw her eyes dart away from his to see William.

‘It’s working’ He murmured, flipping her down again suddenly, a shriek of laughter escaping her lips as he did so.

The evening ended with them all singing around the fire, most very drunk by now. Kate herself was feeling a bit woozy, having had a few drinks with Marcos afterwards. She had caught William watching her, even so with his arm draped around Hilary, a woozy smile on his face and his usually clear blue eyes hazy. She ignored him, hoping that maybe he would see how much he had hurt her. Surely he knew that she liked him? Perhaps he didn’t. Kate had pushed that thought out of her head. Practically everyone else knew she liked him, surely he did too?

Kate collapsed into bed that night feeling happier than she had in days. Slowly the sounds of singing quietened down, and one by one, everyone had fallen into a contented sleep. Kate slept soundly, a small smile still playing on her lips. William however, lying next door, lay awake, the images of Kate pressed against another man with a huge smile on her face flashing through his mind, mingling with the ones of his lips pressed against Hillary’s. Confliction ran through him, was it possible he liked Kate? She was his best friend…but what about Hilary? He knew he liked Hilary also. Kate couldn’t possibly like him, he thought. Eventually William fell into a troubled sleep, alcohol numbing his thoughts.

————————————————————————————————————————————–

Kate let out a huge yawn as she made her way to the kitchen the following morning for breakfast. Truth be told she had a little headache, but nothing compared to what it could have been if Marcos hadn’t stepped in when he did. Wondering if there was some porridge, she opened the door and entered the small, messy kitchen. Her heart sank as she saw the one person she really didn’t want to see sat at the large table in the middle. He looked tired and was gulping down a cup of coffee. He looked up as she entered and smiled nervously.

‘Morning Kate’

‘Morning’ she replied, ‘Is there any porridge going?’

‘Yeah it’s on the stove’

Kate helped herself, trying to ignore the tense silence that passed between them. It made her sad, she didn’t want their friendship compromised. She smiled at him as she took a seat opposite him.

‘You look tired’ She commented as he knocked back the dredges of coffee from his mug. He shrugged.

’Yeah. Last night was quite wild.’

Kate nodded, her lips set in a tight line before she began to eat her porridge.

William lifted his head up from where they had previously been staring into his coffee cup and his blue eyes held hers for a few magical seconds.

‘What do you think of Hilary? Is she as nice as I think she is?’ He asked, trying to make light of the awkward situation.

‘Yeah, she’s lovely. Had a crush on you for ages. She wouldn’t shut up last night!’ Kate chuckled, but it sounded hollow and empty, a shell of its previous self.

William nodded nervously and opened his mouth to speak when the door flew open and William was interrupted. Hilary entered, in all her shining glory, her blonde hair done in a French plait and a tight white top highlighting her curves.

‘Morning!’ She chirruped loudly, settling herself next to William ‘How did you sleep Wills? Hope you spent all night dreaming about me like I did!’ Kate struggled to hold in a wince as she laughed loudly, flipping her hair back and thrusting her chest out.

William smiled, ‘Of course. Who could forget about you?’ Kate’s wince was even more obvious than before and Hilary turned to her, her eyes narrowed

‘Is something the matter? Your ruining the atmosphere between me and my boyfriend’ She announced to which Kate laughed hollowly.

‘Boyfriend? So shoving your tongue down a practical stranger’s throat one evening suddenly means you’re together does it?’ Kate stood up suddenly, picked her bowl up and dumped it loudly in the sink. ‘I’ll be in the village if you need me’ and swept out, leaving William and Hilary staring in astonishment after her.

————————————————————————————————————————————–

Hi Kate,

Pippa here! I miss you lots but I’m sure you’re really enjoying yourself out in Chile! I can’t believe that Prince William is in the same place as you!! You will have to tell me ALL the gossip when you get back! My friends and I are seriously jealous of you! A-Levels are as tiring as always, even more so without you to help me! I broke up with Louis and I really wish you were here to give me advice. It sucks but I’ll get over it. I felt it best as he’s leaving for Australia in a few weeks. Do you have your eye on someone? I bet you do! Anyway, Mum wants to add a note on so I’d better finish! Write back soon okay?

Lots of Love

Pippa. Xxx

Darling Kate,

I hope you’re doing well, I’ve been checking the weather forecast every day to see that you will be okay. You’re in for a bit of nice weather for a while so that will be nice. Thank you for the lovely letter you sent a few weeks ago, it sounds lovely out there. We miss you so much, James and Daddy send their love. James is in the middle of his exams so high tension running through the house on weekends! Pippa tells him to stop worrying but you know how hard it is for him! I miss being able to talk to you about things darling but I suppose I’d better get used to it since you will be off to University soon! Must end now darling as I’m running out of space. All my love and kisses

Mummy xxx

Kate smiled in amusement at her sister’s chatty expressions as she wandered away from the tiny post office in the village. Some of her anger and upset had cleared on receiving her letter and the sun shining made her feel brighter.

‘Hello again’ Came a familiar voice behind her and she spun around to face Marcos, his dark eyes dancing and his hair messy. ‘How’s your head?!’

Kate grinned despite herself, his smile was infectious. ‘Not too bad. Although watching Hilary and William snog over breakfast didn’t help my mood.’ Marcos frowned sympathetically

‘Not even the sexy salsa with a dashing signor helped?’

‘No.’ Kate sighed and began to walk, him trotting beside her as they made their way to the local crafts shop.

‘He’s an idiot then.’

‘No he’s not’ Kate replied before she could stop herself.

‘So are you.’ He said, rolling his eyes. ‘Come on’ and he grabbed her arm and herded her into the shop.

Half an hour later, Kate and Marcos came out of the shop, giggling happily about nothing. Kate felt considerably brighter than she had since she woke up and having bought a few goods for her family had cheered her up.

‘Don’t look now.’ Came Marcos’ voice suddenly, breaking into her thoughts as they made their way back through the village towards the cabins. Kate lifted her head and her eyes scanned the area, falling on the sight of two lovers kissing against a tree. She giggled,

‘Why? It’s cute, they’re just kissing!’                                              

‘No really. Don’t look Kate. It’s William and little miss leave-me-alone-to-snog-my-stranger-boyfriend.’ Kate’s heart plummeted into her stomach and she averted her eyes.

‘Lets go the other way’ She mumbled, but Marcos grabbed her arm and looked at her, his eyes blazing.

‘No. were going to walk right on past.’

‘Oh do we have to?’

‘Yes.’ And with that, he began to drag her up the path towards where they stood, arms entwined and heads bent.

She thought she’d made it past without either noticing, the cabins were so close and she was nearly there-

‘-Kate?’ She winced and turned apprehensively around

‘Yes?’

William was looking up at her, his hair messy and a guilty look on his face. Hilary stood beside him, also slightly rumpled and her lips swollen. William stepped forward

‘Are you okay? You seemed a bit upset this morning.’

‘Oh yes I’m fine! Absolutely smashing.’ She said cheerfully, desperately trying to keep sarcasm out of her tone. “There’s nothing like watching the guy I’m in love with snogging the face of someone else three times in the space of 24 hours” She thought.

William didn’t look convinced and opened his mouth to speak when Hilary stepped forward. She looked a little put out.

‘William. I know she’s your best friend but is there really any need to waste any more of our time together worrying about her? I mean she looks fine to me! Excuse us Kate, my boyfriend and I have some business to attend to.’ She said, a smug look on her face as she finished. She grabbed William’s arm at which he suddenly looked very irritated. Kate ground her teeth together and turned to leave

‘Come on Marcos. Let’s get a drink.’

Marcos nodded obediently and hurried after her, concern etched on his tanned face as she stormed off, all the while William staid rooted to the spot, watching her leave.

to be continued…

#mrandmrswales #royal fanfiction #cambridge fanfiction #kate middleton

[tirednotflirting]

hold on to the memories, they will hold on to you (and i will hold on to you)

part two to but we were something, don’t you think so?

because I actually cannot stand leaving something too open ended. enjoy.

and if you want it, check it out on ao3 here

It’s a freezing cold, early Tuesday morning when Luke sees Ashton for the first time since the almost (but not quite) meeting at the stoplight at the edge of campus.

(This time it’s been 5 months and 4 days since he last saw Ashton. Back then his hair was longer and his attire was hardly weather appropriate. Luke had been paralyzed by memories and a thousand different what if possibilities, none of which had come true.)

It had been quite a hectic morning up to that point. Luke’s alarm had failed to go off (again) and it's the last day he’ll be meeting for his Advanced Linear Algebra course and it’s pretty vital that he make it to that lecture so he knows what to focus on for the final they’re having the next week. He rushes around the apartment, cursing Calum silently for not waking him. He knows it isn’t his roommate’s responsibility to keep track of Luke’s oversleeping habit but they’ve been living together for two years now and Luke has definitely had to wake Calum up to get to exams on time before. 

He rushes through an augmented version of his morning routine, quickly brushing his teeth and shoving a beanie over his bedhead curls, momentarily thankful for the cold that required something to cover his ears. He trips over himself as he pulls on a pair of jeans while shoving his textbooks and journals into his backpack. On his way out the door, Luke hastily locks it since he isn’t sure if Calum ended up back in his bedroom the night before or if he stayed with Michael again. He skips waiting for the elevator to race down the stairs and out the front door of his complex.

He’s finished running the first block when he feels his phone buzz and he’s already winded so he figures stopping for a quick second to check the message (likely one from Calum if he is home to ask why Luke slammed the front door) wouldn’t hurt. Only the notification wasn’t a text, it was an email from Luke’s professor.

My wife and I caught some bug over the weekend so class today will be canceled. I am sad to miss our last meeting but please feel free to come with any questions to my extended office hours later this week. Attached is the concept guide for the final I planned to go over today. Happy studying.

Luke takes a deep breath in through the nose and imagines the air he can see from the cold after exhaling to be all of the anger he feels at having to rush through the apartment for nothing. He considers for a moment just turning around and getting in some more rest since his next class isn’t until 3. But he’s got the study guide now and he is (unfortunately) awake, so he starts toward the university still but figures he can reward himself for not going back home with a coffee from the shop just off campus. 

Though tired still, Luke walks briskly to the shop since he had only grabbed his cardigan that he leaves hanging by the door since he couldn’t be bothered to hunt around for his coat. Especially so because he’s pretty sure it may still be in the back of Michael’s car anyway. He doesn’t live too far from campus though so soon enough, he’s pushing against the door to enter the warm shop. 

He’s always loved this place. The exposed brick and odd collection of thrift store comfy chairs and tables make the shop look like a scene out of a TV show about college or something and Luke lives for any cheesy college experience he can get. He especially loves it there in the winter, when he knows he can step inside with a bright red nose and immediately be enveloped with a cinnamon scented warmth that the chain places could only ever dream of achieving. 

He steps to the counter and orders one of the seasonal lattes to have in a mug rather than a to go cup and after providing his name and paying the kind, blushing girl at the register, he turns to find a spot to cozy up in for the next few hours.

And that’s when he locks eyes with Ashton.

His hair is shorter and red now, like the color on a candy cane but deeper and it matches the blush currently spread across his cheeks. He’s at one of the bigger tables, surrounded by several textbooks and journals. His glasses sit on the edge of his nose, threatening to fall onto the pages in front of him. The dark sweater he has on is the kind that makes his hazel eyes appear a bit darker around the edges. 

Luke’s attention is briefly drawn away from him when he hears his name called from the counter and he jumps just slightly and before quickly turning to go get the mug, he swears he sees a smirk play at the edges of Ashton’s lips. 

He reaches the counter and thanks the barista and when he turns back, Ashton is standing right in front of him and it takes everything in Luke to not drop the mug of sugary coffee. His momentary observation about Ashton’s eyes is emphasized further now that they stand only a couple feet away from one another, the closest they’ve been physically in nearly 18 months.

“Would you like to join me at my table?” Ashton asks, the words coming out quick but with a tone of hesitation, as though his brain was fighting against his lips on whether or not to ask. 

Luke had imagined a moment almost exactly like this a million different ways. Only recently had he given up on the idea of ever running into him again, of being asked to join him for a meeting that would become another big, Hollywood produced moment in Luke’s memory. However, in every one of those fantasies that Luke had allowed to play out in his mind, he had failed to factor in what it would feel like to hear the forgotten voice of a lost love. He felt like he had been betrayed by his own memories because the voice he had been hearing as he tried to sleep wasn’t the exact tone or depth of what he had just heard again. 

After a moment, Luke releases the breath he hadn’t even realized he had been holding in as he speaks just one word. “Yes.”

He follows Ashton back to the table, letting his bag fall off his shoulder to gently land at the floor and sets his mug down a safe distance from the big, scary law textbooks Ashton has opened up on the table. He takes a seat but keeps his feet tucked below his chair, worried that any direct physical contact might cause a forest fire or something. “Are you already studying for the bar then?”

Ashton’s brows shoot up as he takes his place on the opposite side of the table. “Oh, um yes,” he nods quickly, a faint blush still painted on his cheeks. “I’m taking the exam at the beginning of June but I haven’t taken a look at some of this stuff in ages, you know?”

Luke nods slowly, remembering the times they would lie in bed together after Ashton had been accepted to their university’s law program and Luke would run his fingers up and down his back while listening to Ashton speak excitedly about far off exams and internships. He had told him all about it because Luke was supposed to be there, cheering him on while he read and interpreted case files. A lot had changed. 

He’s pulling his textbook out of his bag and setting it on the table while trying to think of more to say when Ashton speaks first. “Linear Algebra? Were you able to get into Henderson’s course? I know you always talked about him like he was a rock star during registration week.”

Luke’s throat feels dry and he’s wondering if this is all maybe actually a dream. Like maybe he’ll wake up in a few minutes to the alarm he thought he missed this morning and this is all just his subconscious playing a really cruel joke on him. “Yeah, our last lecture was meant to be this morning but he’s sick and,” Luke pauses for a moment and takes another deep breath and sip of his drink and realizes he cannot make small talk with someone who used to be his entire world. “Ashton, what’s going on?”

Ashton licks his lips before opening his mouth as though to respond but Luke cuts him off. “You dumped me with no warning at all because you were worried about making his law thing work and now you’re inviting me to sit with you while you study for the bar and my head is spinning.”

“I miss you.”

“Wha-”

“And I know that’s bullshit and I know it's been like a year and a half and I know that I saw you in the summer and I didn’t say anything and that was probably the worst thing I’ve ever done,” he speaks quickly, something like panic at the edge of his words. “I let my insecurity get the best of me. I convinced myself I wasn’t going to be good enough at this and that I would have to spend all my time working on all of this and that I wouldn’t have enough time left to treat you the way you deserve to be treated. I was so scared of us turning into an afterthought in my mind.”

“So rather than talking to me you just ended it so we wouldn’t have to be a thought at all?” Luke scoffs. 

“I wanted to give you the world. I wanted you to be my world. Nothing less than that seemed worthy. And if I wasn’t going to be able to give that to you, I didn’t want to keep you from the possibility of finding someone who could.”

“Damn it, Ashton,” Luke shakes his head and checks around for people looking to make sure his volume is controlled. “All I wanted was you. Fuck, all I want is you.”

“Even now?” the red headed boy whispers, his eyes just a touch glossy. “Even after July?”

Luke feels a burning at his eyes and immediately blames the cold wind, despite being inside for nearly 15 minutes now. “July ripped my heart apart in a way that I had never felt before. And in a way, I think it was what I needed. Like, it had a sense of finality to it. And I’ve been doing better. But that doesn’t change the fact that I would turn the entire world upside down for you. For us.”

They’re both quiet for a few minutes after that. Luke takes a few more sips of his drink and watches the steam rise from the mug in between each one. Eventually he looks past the steam to where Ashton sits as he takes Luke in. Like he’s trying to see into his thoughts. Eventually he clears his throat and runs a hand through the red tousled curls.

“When I saw you in July, I didn’t say anything because I felt like nothing I could say to you would fix anything. That my trying to fix anything would be like trying to get the toothpaste back in the tube, ya know? But when I got home, I called my therapist and I just told her everything. I had never talked to her about us before because I was too scared of being judged. And when I told her that she told me it was pretty possible that the way I ended things was for the same reason. And so all semester I was trying to find a way to run into you again. And I guess the universe picked for that to happen today.”

“I just wanted to support you. Just wanted to love you,” Luke shakes his head, a sad smile pulling delicately at his cheeks.

“And I was so scared to let you.”

“Would you let me now?” Luke asks and hopes there’s less desperation in his voice than what he senses there to be. “Would you let me take care of you a bit? In the way you always did for me?”

Hesitantly, Ashton lifts his arm from where it’s been resting at this side and reaches a hand out over the papers taking up his half of the tablespace. “I’d love nothing more.”

Luke reaches a hand up and intertwines their fingers while his gaze stays locked with Ashton’s. He lets out a breathy giggle when Ashton moves to rub his thumb in small patterns on Luke’s palm, the blonde’s eyes dropping to where they rest. The hazel eyed boy smiles. “I know this conversation isn’t over and we really do have a lot of ground to cover. But I don’t ever want to go another day without making you laugh.”

Luke’s eyes widen, wondering if Ashton felt the weight of his words in the same way Luke did. But then he looks up from their hands to Ashton’s face again, only to find him nodding with understanding. Slowly, he lets his feet drop from where they’ve pulled below his chair and he feels his boots knock against Ashton’s. Neither make a move to change the position though. Luke bites his lip briefly in thought before replying. “I feel exactly the same.”

The rest of the morning and early afternoon are spent catching up in a way that should have felt strange, given that they were describing their day to day life to someone who they used to start and end every single one with. But it felt easy and it felt right and Ashton had been correct that they needed to sit down and talk through the hard stuff but there was always tomorrow (and every day after that). When it finally got to the time Luke needed to make his way over to the math department for his next class, Ashton offers to walk with him. As they continue conversation on their walk across the campus, Luke can’t help but notice how the whole scene feels like watching an old, beloved movie after not seeing it for a few years. Everything feels so familiar but there’s a new meaning to it, one that couldn’t be seen the first time around. 

When they reach the doors to the building, they stop just before the steps, their hands still tangled together between them. “Would you let me make you dinner tonight? I’ve got the stuff for that pasta thing you always liked and a bottle of red?” 

Luke smirks and lifts a brow, teasingly. “You drink red wine? Proper law student now, huh?” Ashton rolls his eyes but squeezes his palm against Luke’s. “But yes, that sounds nice. What’s the gate code?”

“Still the same.”

Luke lets out a laugh. “I’m sorry, you kept your gate code as your ex’s birthday?”

Ashton shrugs, a grin spreading across his own cheeks. “Listen, I knew I would never forget the code that way.”

Luke blushes, the whole day finally feeling real with that response because it was such an Ashton thing to do. Maybe they did still know each other. “I’ll see you later, Ash.”

“See you soon, Luke.”

They part ways then and Luke makes his way up the steps. He’s just about to reach for the door when something buried deep his mind tells him to turn around. And when he does, their eyes lock again and small matching smiles pull at their lips. And now Luke knows, he never has to worry about Ashton not looking back again.

*

#lashton #lashton fic #when i wrote this first part all of the comments on ao3 were like 'bUT WHY DID THEY BREAK UP???' #and the club were all like 'hc where are they now' #and then this morning i was drinking coffee in my shower bc hangover and then i only got out bc i wanted to start this #and 4 hours later here we are :)