#anyways guess who did not eat yesterday and only really realized when i was like wow i cannot function today why is that | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

shayyprasad · 5 months

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weighing scale

tw: eating disorder (purging, not eating), bodyshaming, ed shaming

btw, if it's requested, i can turn drabbles into full oneshots!!!!!!!!!!!!!

you guys are beautiful the way you are, and nothing anybody ever says or does will ever change that. remember that gaining weight is totally normal, and you can always lose weight, too, but please, do it in a healthy way. if you ever need anyone to talk to, and this isn't just for eds, i'm here, and you can reach out. if not, there are people who care about you and love you.

you're amazing you beautiful mfs

(also i'm sorry if this might not be correct for you, everyone has different experiences with eds)

(also, also, i did 1st person ... and this is just the way i thought when i was going thru this so i kinda made it relate w/ me??)

100.

98.

96.

she watched as the numbers went down, satisfied despite the fact that it was only one pound less yesterday.

90.

88.

even if it meant that she'd always be cold, or that her hair would fall out. it was a small price to pay to be beautiful. to be skinny. to be like all the other girls that peter liked.

y/n kept telling herself that. and it was enough to keep her going.

{four weeks prior}

(first person)

they had little packets for us to take home, like forms. something along the lines of "annual health check-up." the form was just... well, it wasn't a form, really, but more of an opt-out. the paper said they'd just check weight, height, and some other things, like make sure you didn't have scoliosis.

honestly?

i was just happy to be missing a good chunk of math.

everyone got called down to the gym by period, and mine was 5th period, right before lunch.

our class was waiting for them to call us down, so mr. callen just let us do whatever until then. i glanced over to see liz, kayla, and chloe in the corner of the classroom, giggling and pointing towards some of the boys, and eventually, mr. callen.

he was one of the youngest members on faculty, fresh out of college. and i'll admit, he's not bad looking. in fact, he's hotter than most of the guys. and if it wasn't peter that had my heart, maybe i'd think about someone else.

not that the whole peter thing was going great anyways, he seemed interested in liz. so maybe that was my hint to move on. but i don't know. i've just liked him forever, it'd feel wrong to stop now.

i'm just really loyal, i guess.

or maybe this is some weird first love/crush thing, because no matter what, i keep finding myself coming back to him.

it took me second to realize that i'd been staring at the same spot for a while now, so i probably looked funny. i re-adjusted my position and looked at the clock, noting there there was just a few minutes until we'd have to go down.

i looked by at the girls, then at the teacher. did they not realize that he had an engagement ring on? or where they just dense?

because honestly, i'm having a hard time figuring out which one it is.

liz pushed chloe over to the desk, giggling like a manic.

chloe bit her lip, trying to hold in laughter. "hiiii, cal. you know, like, cupid's day is coming?"

me, personally, i didn't really believe in the whole dumb blonde thing, but chloe was changing my aspect on this.

cupid's day was on valentine's day, and you could pay a dollar to have a rose delivered to someone. normally, the freshmen girls did most of the planning. freshmen girls were annoying. they were always together, and i didn't remember a time i'd seen one alone.

i didn't get any on my first year here. last year i got three. but it didn't really count, because mj got me one and betty did. i was hoping that i'd figure out who the third person was, but three weeks into that investigation, i kinda gave up. if they hadn't revealed themselves to me at that point, i'd figured that they probably wouldn't.

maybe junior year will go better.

if you were popular popular, you got at least seven, so it was kind of embarrasing to only get one. and it was probably even more embarrasing to only have, like, one friend. which was betty. but she hadn't hung around me that often since she started dating ned.

mj was an observer, and i knew that much. it was probably the only reason she got me a rose, because she felt bad. but then again, anyone could see how pathetic it was.

peter and i used to be pretty close, but then he met ned, so the attention he gave me got halved.

i would have tried to be friends with ned, because i know he's really nice, but i stressed out too much about it for some reason and gave up. social anxiety, perhaps? it didn't matter, it was too late to do anything about it now.

after that, peter started hanging around liz and some of the other popular kids, and entirely forgot about me.

did forget about ned, though. maybe beacuse i was a girl, and so peter got called "gay" a lot for that. i didn't have much of a chance compared to liz, so i just admired him from afar. it's not that we didn't talk, because we did sometimes, but... actually, i don't know what.

if peter wanted to, he would have.

and it's fairly obvious, but i'm delusional and chose to ignore that.

the intercom snapped me out of whatever zoning out i'd gone back to, "block d, block d. i-is this on? oh, it is? i- yes, block d down to the gym."

everyone got up and pushed their way out the door, i didn't have that type of energy, so i just waited for everyone to get their butts outta the way and then went myself. i followed them down to the hall, staying behind a little. when i finally got over there, i ended up last, right behind chloe, kayla, then liz.

for the most part, it only took a minute or two for each person, so the line didn't take that long.

well, i suppose that's subjective.

it took 15 minutes, but whatever.

when liz was inside, she didn't take care to close the door all the way, leaving it a couple inches open. that's on her.

that's on her for being irresponsible, so it's not really my fault if i accidently hear. i leaned in a little, suddenly very interested in the wall, with all it's cracks... and... paint, and...

"and step on the scale, please... that is," she paused, and you could hear scribbling of a pen.

"121.3 pounds. perfectly healthy. that's actually the average weight for girls your age," another pause, "make sure to give this form to your parents. have a nice day."

liz said something in return and i stepped back, done admiring the wall. "next!" the lady called in.

i stepped inside the room, and it smelt strongly of hand-sanitizer. "okay, honey, step up against the wall... height is... alrightly. now the scale, please."

i did as she asked, keeping my eyes trained on the numbers.

149.7 pounds. basically 150. that was more than liz's, right?

"149, okay, you're good to go-"

"is that around average weight?" i asked, and it was impulsive, i didn't even think.

"well, it's somewhere around that. you're perfectly healthy."

the intercom came on again, signaling my time was over, and the lady thought the same thing, because she ushered me out.

as i walked back to the classroom, i couldn't help but think;

149? no, 150? around average? so basically, i was above average. 30 pounds heavier than liz? no wonder peter likes liz better.

god, that's disgusting. i'm disgusting.

i trudged back to class, unable to stop thinking about it. and suddenly, an idea popped into my mind; why not lose weight? if i lost a little, maybe peter would care about me again.

that's genius. god, i'm a genius.

yeah. i lose a little weight.

when i got back, he'd already started the lesson, not that i cared. i spent the rest of that class figuring out the kinks, like how many calories i'm allowed to eat per day.

i settled on 800.

it seemed like a decent number if i wanted to actually make an impact with weight loss.

stupid kale smoothies weren't gonna get me anywhere, nor idiotic influencer workout routines.

before i knew it, the bell rung and kids were hustling through the hallways. i was kind of on autopilot as i walked to lunch, not really watching where i was going. i'd by mistake shouldered some people, and they gave me dirty looks. i shot them right back.

i couldn't help but silently, in my mind, judge everyone's body that i saw. and not just their body, but other physical features, too. it was automatic, i didn't even mean to. but i couldn't help it.

she's really fat. the gym exists for a reason.

how is she so skinny? i know she's anorexic.

and it just went on and on.

i didn't know what was going on. why this mattered to me all of a sudden.

it was like i didn't notice these things before, i wasn't looking for them, but now that i knew they were there, i couldn't help it.

i couldn't help a lot of things.

when i walked into the lunchroom, i saw peter sitting by himself, writing on some piece of paper, and if i knew him, he wasn't doing the homework due tomorrow.

he was doing yesterday's.

it didn't seem like i'd be bothering him if i went to go talk to him, so that's what i did. i figured since we hadn't talked in while, it would be great to now.

and it'd be a great distraction, too.

i sat down across from him, "hi, peter."

he looked up slowly, a smile rising on his face. "uh, hey, y/n/n," peter paused, "what, um, what did you need?"

"huh? oh, i didn't need anything. just thought i'd come by and annoy the hell out of you."

"just like old times," peter snorted.

"math homework?"

"yep. i have math-"

"-next period," i realized my mistake after i made it. "um, 'cause i see you when i'm walking to class."

in repsonse, he nodded like he was considering it.

i didn't notice i was hungry until my stomach growled, but something inside of me made the thought of getting food and eating it repulsive. i hesitated before grabbing on of peter's fries and popping it in my mouth. he didn't say anything, or really even care, and i didn't know if i liked that or not.

"okay. you have chem next, yeah?"

i blushed at the fact he knew.

"uh, yep," i snagged some more fries, feeling myself loosen up.

and then i realized, that's what this was; i was just in need of some time with actual people who weren't my parents.

i liked this. i liked talking to peter. it was easy. this was easy.

we laughed about some other things, like flash's new donkey haircut.

and i stole more fries. ned, betty, and mj (who normally sat two seats away) came over. the topic of cupid's day came up.

"how many do you think you'll get?" betty asked.

i looked up, "roses?"

"uh-huh."

ned spoke up, "you won't need to worry, bet, i'll get you a whole bouquet." he looked proud of himself.

"i'm not worried," she giggled, like the lovesick fool she was. it was gross. and yes i admit, it was slightly because i was jealous, but whatever. betty didn't have to act so idiotic and desperate.

betty's skinny, too.

"what about you, y/n?" peter said, locking eyes with me.

"i dunno. i never really get any."

something changed in peter's expression, but as soon as it was there, it was gone.

i took another fry. they were really good, for some reason.

"fattie," peter laughed, pulling his lunch tray back, "and then you complain about not getting roses!"

that caused a round of laughs in the small group, but my heart dropped to my feet.

i was right. i was overweight. even peter noticed.

freaking peter noticed.

god, i was ugly and fat, and even peter saw that.

of course he liked liz. he'd be crazy not to. she was curvy and skinny and petite and pretty and skinny.

she was skinny.

i didn't have her hourglass figure.

never did i ever want out of my own skin more.

"y/n?" pete frowned. "i-i'm sorry, it was a joke, i didn't-"

"no, no, not that. i, uh, i... forgot i was supposed to meet with a teacher. sorry. i have to go."

i didn't go to any teachers.

i did go to the bathroom.

and i hid in the handicapped stall. i didn't cry, or sob, or weep or whatever it was stupid girls did in hallmark movies or stuff.

i stood in front of the mirror and picked out everything i hated, making a mental list in my head.

i didn't finish that list, not even after 30 minutes when the bell rung.

the rest of the day flew by rather quickly, it seemed. i felt like i was trapped in a warm haze, but not the fuzzy, happy warmth. i didn't like the way i was thinking. it's like i wanted my brain to turn off, these intruding, ugly thoughts were taking up too much room.

i felt icky.

when i got home, i didn't have my normal after-school snack like i usually did. i went straight upstairs and did homework.

i finished two essays (one that wasn't due until two weeks, and one that was due two days from now), my math homework and studied for my math test, started my science project, and did my french flashcards (and studied them a bit).

i must have been locked in my room for hours, because by the time i got up, it was dark outside.

i wasn't a studious person, and the only reason i did any of this was to forget for a little while. to snap out of it. and for a while, it worked.

"y/n, honey!" my mom screamed from downstairs, and as i glanced at the clock, i realized it was time to have dinner.

but i wasn't hungry.

well, i was.

let me rephrase that; i didn't want to eat.

however, i didn't want my mother yelling at me, so i went down anyways. not that i was planning to eat.

"mom?"

"oh, hey. i already set the table, you seemed like you were working hard and i didn't wanna bother you. dad's working late. go sit down-"

"not hungry."

she frowned. "well, you have to eat something."

"but i'm not hungry," i said, hating how sharply it came out.

my mom gave me warning look. "look, i've had a long day, so don't start with me."

"mommmm," i whined.

"sit."

so i did. i felt bad about bothering her.

i ate. small, tentative bites, forcing it all down. we didn't talk.

silently, i put my dish in the sink, before heading upstairs. the food sat at the bottom of my stomach, like a pile of heavy rocks. i wanted them out.

so i turned on the shower and locked the bathroom door, kneeling in front of the toilet. i pressed my fingers to the back of my throat and kept them there for a second. at first, all i got was bile.

but then i threw up.

peter and i started talking more again. i think he got in a fight with liz.

i asked him if they were dating, and he said no.

i think he started hanging out with me again because i got skinny. i know for a fact that i'm skinnier than liz. i weigh less then her now.

the numbers told me that.

but i didn't listen.

i didn't stop, and how could i? when i'd gotten this far?

we got in a fight. not the yelling kind, though. well, kind of. i yelled a bit.

i thought he was complimenting me. he said i looked skinny, so i thanked him.

"no... i-" he paused, trying to get his thoughts together, "you look skinny, yes, but not in a good way."

"what? what do you mean? like, there's only a good way," i laughed, slightly nervous.

peter ingnored that. "have you been eating enough, angel?" his voice was soft, but there was worry in it. why was he worried? this is the best i've ever been.

"do you ask liz that, too?"

"i- what?"

"liz is skinny. you don't ask her that."

"that- that is different. y-you haven't been eating, have you? is-"

"god, parker! stop! it's none of your business!" maybe if i hadn't been so flustered, i'd have come up with a better comeback.

i was hunched over the toilet, but nothing was coming out. everything hurt.

my head. my stomach.

my throat was scratchy and raw.

i didn't hear the knocking on the door.

i don't really remember peter coming in. i thought i locked it. what was he doing at my house? i couldn't remember.

i wanted to sleep.

i think i was crying. i don't know. i only vaguely remember the hot tears.

i slightly remember him pulling me away from the toilet and into his arms. there were lots of holes in my memory for that day.

he stayed with me, though. one thing i'm sure about is that peter never left my side. i can recall bright lights. tubes. i was laying on something. white walls. white sheets.

what was engraved into my head was peter whispering "i love you" over and over again. in the bathroom. in the car. was it a car? as they hooked me up to cables.

all that mattered, though, was that i was skinny now. just the thought made me feel light and airy.

to think that all it took was a little motivation and a weighing scale.

#reader discretion advised #tw ed #tom holland x reader #spiderman #tom holland #peter parker #peter parker x you

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padfootagain · 9 months

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Something Good (XIX)

Chapter 19 : Without Asking

Hello! Here is a new chapter for my Ben Barnes series!

Sorry, I forgot to post my fic yesterday…

Hope you like it!!!

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Pairing: Ben Barnes x Reader

Warnings: Fluff, Slow burn, professor AU.

Summary: Coming out of a divorce and trying to get used to being a single mom, while teaching your classes at University, you thought your life could not get more complicated than it already is. But when you are asked to take care of the theatre club with the colleague that you really can’t get along with, you realize that everything can still get ten times more complicated in your life. And when you start actually liking Professor Barnes, the troubles only grow exponentially…

Word Count: 3243

Masterlist for the series – Ben Barnes’ Masterlist – Main Masterlist

When you came home before heading to work, your mother was waiting for you. It was seven already, Sally was eating her breakfast, her tired eyes barely open. She didn’t question where you were coming from, why her granny was there. Instead, she asked for a hug as soon as you stepped inside the kitchen, and you complied happily.

Your mother didn’t ask anything at first, she waited for Sally to be busy getting dressed in her bedroom.

“So… are you going to talk now?” she asked, crossing her arms before her chest, a glower in her eyes.

You heaved a sigh, but knew better than to argue. You sat down, taking a minute to gather your courage. But your mother was tired and annoyed.

“Where were you?”

You looked at her as you answered, a little shy, but the ghost of a smile on your lips.

“I went to see Ben.”

Your mother blinked. Once. Twice. Thrice.

“Ben? You mean… the handsome colleague?”

You nodded.

“We… we needed to talk.”

“At 5am on a Friday?”

“We…”

You bit your lip, your gesture enough for your mother to guess it all. Her eyes grew round.

“Holy Mother of God’s Bullocks! You and Handsome are…”

“I mean… We…”

You let out a giggle, burying your burning cheeks in your palms.

“Wait! Did you… two… spent the morning together…?” your mother asked with a wink.

You exploded with laughter, embarrassed.

“Mom! No, no! We didn’t sleep together but we… Yesterday we stayed after work hours to plan a scene for the play, you know, for the theatre club. And one thing led to another and we… kissed. A lot.”

She let out an excited squeal.

“But then I needed some time to think, to decide what to do and… and I just needed to see him. And we’ve talked. And we… we’re going to give it a try.”

“YES! FINALLY!”

She threw her hands up in the air, making a happy dance while still sitting on her chair, making you laugh.

“What do you even mean with finally?”

“Oh, come on… the man is absolutely smitten with you. It was obvious when we picked him up at the train station, and every time you talk about him you light up!”

She reached for your hand, gave it a tender squeeze.

“I’m glad. He seems very sweet.”

“He is.”

“I’m glad you’re getting over Liam. He doesn’t deserve you.”

“You adored him!”

“When you were younger! He was different then. All this… job related things… it changed him. Made him believe he was important. Gave him an ego, when he didn’t do anything to deserve one. He grew into someone who doesn’t deserve you.”

You gave her a small smile, nodding your head.

“So… what are the plans for the new couple?” your mom asked, excitement back on her features.

You chuckled at that, shrugged.

“We’re going on a date tomorrow night.”

“What will you do?”

“I don’t know yet… we’ve mentioned a dinner and a movie, but we haven’t planned the details yet.”

Your mother let out yet another squeal, holding you close this time.

“I’m so happy for you!”

“Do you think it will be okay, though? With Sally?”

But your mother was reassuring as she pulled away.

“It’s your life. You deserve happiness. Sally will understand, in time. It might not always be easy, but the things that are worth living rarely are, anyway. She will be just fine, you’re not the only divorced mother finding love again!”

You nodded, remaining silent, but you were smiling again.

Indeed, many other people managed perfectly this type of situation. There was no need to worry too much. It would all be fine. You would make it work.

George was looking for his glasses, as usual. And as usual, Miles knew perfectly well where the spectacles were, but he found the sight of his husband mumbling in annoyance and frantically searching everywhere for them too entertaining to help him in the slightest. Instead, he chuckled, bringing his coffee to his lips.

It was the same dance every morning. He lived for it.

“Instead of laughing at me, why don’t you help me find these bloody glasses…?”

“You’re too fun to watch.”

“Sometimes I wonder why I love you…”

“I have an amazing arse.”

“Oh yeah! That’s why!”

A cry of triumph finally rang as George spotted the glasses, waiting for him by the sink.

He walked over to Miles, still sitting at the table, and leaned to give him a peck on the lips.

“Have a good day, my love,” Miles chimed.

“You too, honey. I love you!”

“Love you too!”

George was tying his shoes when the doorbell rang. They exchanged a glance… it was seven thirty… who could be coming here so early?

When George opened the door, it was to find a shivering Ben Barnes on his doorstep.

“Hi!” he chimed, shooting the elder man a smile. “Sorry to bother you so early. I need to see Miles.”

George raised an eyebrow, but let his younger friend in all the same.

“Ben? Is everything alright?” Miles questioned him, pointing at an empty chair to invite him to sit down.

Ben complied, let himself fall in the chair. He looked… excited and terrified at the same time. His knee was jumping rapidly, he was twisting his fingers together…

“I… I need your advice on something.”

“I’m all ears.”

“I… I’m going on a date.”

The two men turned around as they heard something falling in the hallway. A second later, George was hurrying to the living room to join them, still wearing his coat and only one of his shoes.

“A date?! With Y/N?!” he asked, clearly excited, making Ben chuckle fondly while his cheeks turned crimson.

He merely nodded, and the couple by his side cheered, and even hugged.

“At last! At long last!” Miles cried, making Ben roll his eyes, even though he was smiling.

“Alright, alright… that’s enough. I get it, you’re excited.”

“What happened?! I want to know everything!” George ignored Ben’s remark, settling down around the table more comfortably, taking off his coat.

“Aren’t you supposed to go to work?”

“Work can wait! Your miserable love life suddenly becoming amazing again is much more interesting!”

“My love life is not miserable!”

“Not anymore! So, what happened?”

“Well, we… we were together in the theatre working last night, alone. And… we… kissed.”

The two men cheered, holding hands.

“How was it?” Miles asked.

Ben blushed fiercely, rolling his eyes.

“Miles…”

“Oh come on! We’ve been waiting for months!”

“It was… amazing…”

Ben cleared his throat, clearly embarrassed by the confession, but his two friends were overexcited.

“And then… you asked her out?”

“We took a few hours to digest what had happened.”

“She needed time to think,” Miles translated.

“Yes, she did,” Ben conceded with a wince.

“And?”

“And… I called her during the night, and she picked up. We talked for a bit. And at 5am, there she was, on my doorstep!”

The couple was suspended to his words.

“And we… we’ve decided to give it a try. So, we’re going on a date, tomorrow night.”

“YES!” both Miles and George cried in sync.

Ben laughed at his friends.

“And now, I bet you need advises for the date!” Miles grinned. “You’ve come to the right person. I’m an expert!”

George laughed hard.

“You are the worst at planning dates!”

“I am certainly not!” Miles fought back, clearly offended.

“You are wonderful on many levels, but your dates are terrible, honey.”

“You love our dates! I landed you, didn’t I?”

“Our first date was a disaster.”

“I got better with time.”

“You did not… Ben, trust me with this. I’ll help. Don’t listen to this monkey over there.”

“Hey!”

“What have you planned so far?”

Ben shrugged.

“We agreed on a dinner and movie.”

“Good! Simple, but romantic. Now, I know this restaurant not far from here, it’s perfect…”

Ben laughed, shaking his head.

“I’ll manage for that, don’t worry.”

“Really? You will? How many years ago was your last date, again?”

“That hurts,” Ben narrowed his eyes at George.

“Still true though.”

Ben seemed to doubt now. After all, if he had come all the way here, it was because he wanted advices, he wanted to be reassured…

He listened to George’s advices. He accepted the clothes the old man lent him for the date. But when he came home and tried them on, he felt… posh.

A suit, a white shirt, it all seemed expensive. He didn’t… really feel like himself. He searched for the restaurant George had recommended. It was very expensive. Outrageously so.

The old voice came ringing again.

Good guys never get the girl.

You’re not enough. You’ll never be enough.

Ben clenched his jaw. He wanted you to love him. He wanted it so desperately, he was ready to impress you and act like someone else for that.

But then again… he wanted you to love him…

The answer to Ben’s dilemma came easily that evening.

After stealing glances at lunchtime, you had kept your distance throughout the afternoon, both of you needing to get some work done. But as the evening advanced, as the lampposts replaced the bright sunlight, you came knocking at Ben’s door, a grin on your face, all wrapped in your warmest clothes.

“It’s late, I’m gonna go home,” you told him.

He knew the real meaning behind your words: walk with me to our cars. I want to see you one last time before I leave.

His lips parted into a toothy grin, his nose scrunched up in an adorable way.

“You’re right. I should call it a night too.”

And you knew the real meaning behind his words: I was waiting for you. Let me walk with you to our cars.

You waited for him as he turned off his computer, put on his coat and scarf, chatting away about the classes you had during the afternoon. Nothing out of the ordinary, the same habit you had started back in November. Until you walked out of the building, reached the narrow path leading to the parking lot. It was quiet, there was no one else around, only the yellowish lights of lampposts, the buzzing of the distant traffic, the lonely stars shining shyly in the young night. When Ben brushed his fingers against yours, he thought you would push him away. You enlaced your fingers together instead, both of you quiet, looking away, trying to hide the way your hearts were pounding, the way your heads were spinning, the way butterflies bloomed and took flight in your stomachs…

It was exhilarating, comforting, absolutely wonderful. You were giddy, lightheaded even. Ben’s hand was warm despite the cold of this December night. His hold firm and yet tender, steady, something you could rely on.

And your hand was warm despite the cold of this wintery evening. Your hold gentle and yet firm, steady, something he could rely on.

You were quiet as you walked, too overwhelmed by the simple feeling of fingers holding onto each other for your brains to allow any other thought to form.

Ben cleared his throat once your car came into view, an omen of separation, even if it were to last for just a few hours.

“Any plans for tonight?” he asked.

“After dropping Sally to Liam’s, I’m going to eat dinner with my mom. We’re having a girls’ night.”

“Sounds fun!”

“It is. Imagine this: mother and daughter buried under five blankets on a comfortable sofa, watching some old movie, and knitting, with some tea and biscuits, of course.”

He chuckled, his smile fond and radiant.

“It does sound like a fun evening. Quiet, but fun.”

“The best kinds. I’m not so fond of parties.”

“A shame. You look incredible in a costume.”

You laughed, trying to hide the fact that your whole body was heating up because of the flirt in his tone.

“You’ll get used to see me in grandma mode.”

“I can’t wait, to be honest.”

You exchanged a tender smile; it tasted like a promise on your tongue.

“So… tomorrow evening… for our date…” you let your voice trail, waiting for him to speak.

You noticed his reddening cheeks.

“I haven’t booked a table yet, so… anything you would like?”

You seemed to think for a moment. But then, your mind drifted to memories of a bright evening, of pizzas and a restaurant bathed in gentle lights, of a long walk through streets you didn’t know, of a bridge opening, of your head on his shoulder…

“Italian,” you answered in a breath. “I’d like to eat some Italian food.”

He nodded. The restaurant George had recommended wasn’t Italian…

“Something… simple. I don’t like very… expensive places. Let’s keep it simple. What do you think?”

You didn’t know why Ben was smiling so brightly, but you guessed you must have done something good, to earn this kind of smile.

“I agree. I think… I know just the place.”

It was your time to grin.

“And then a movie… I trust you fully with that,” you laughed.

“Your taste in movies is flawless, don’t play humble with me!” he shook his head. “But I’ll pick something nice, don’t worry.”

“I trust you.”

You were talking about more than a movie, and both of you knew it.

You caught the way his gaze fell to your lips, before fluttering back to your eyes. He opened his mouth, but closed it again, smiling instead.

He threw a look around, but you were on your own. It was quite late, many had already gone home.

“What?” you asked, narrowing your eyes as you recognized a hint of mischief in his eyes now.

“Nothing,” he answered, all innocence and crooked smile. “You said I didn’t need to ask anymore, so I won’t.”

Before you could answer, he was crushing his lips against yours, a hand flying up to your cheek to hold you close. When he took a step further, your back collided with your car, and you leaned against the cold surface for support, while Ben pressed himself closer.

Your hands were still holding, still as one. Your holds tightened a little, because of the intensity of the kiss, but it remained steady, constant, unwavering…

You ran your fingers through his beard, skin tickled by it. When his lips travelled lower, grazing the length of your jaw, peppering kisses along the edge, you shivered at the burn of his beard against your skin.

When you pulled him in for another kiss, he whispered against your mouth.

“I can’t wait for this date with you,” he confessed.

“Me neither,” you grinned, bumping your nose into his in a tender gesture.

“You should go home. It’s late. And an amazing evening is awaiting! Besides, if you’re late because of me for your mother, she might start hating me, and we can’t have that before our first date!”

You laughed, while he chuckled against the skin of your forehead, pressing kisses there.

“My mom likes you so far.”

“Does she?”

“I told her this morning about what happened… I mean, I did call her at 5am to keep an eye on Sally. I couldn’t just lie to her.”

“Of course.”

“And… she said, and I quote, that you are ‘smitten with me’.”

You gave him a toothy grin, full of teasing, and Ben blushed fiercely, clearing his throat.

You expected him to fight back, to deny it all in playful banter, but he didn’t, and your heart swelled at his words.

“Well… she’s right. I am smitten with you. A little too much to my own liking, to be fair.”

You pressed your cheek to his chest, holding him close. You couldn’t look at him anymore, staring at these intense black irises… it was too much to take in.

“I like you a lot too,” you whispered, but he heard you loud and clear, and you felt him smiling against your hair.

But minutes flew by, and you were both very cold by now. It was time to part for the night, and after one last kiss, Ben took a step back, your hands finally letting go, breaking their tender hold.

“Be careful on the road,” his breath drew white patterns in the cold air.

“You too. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

You closed your door, but Ben watched you leaving the parking lot. He let out a long exhale, a grin plastered on his face, feeling giddy and excited as he ran a hand through his hair.

He jumped as someone cleared their throat behind him.

He paled as he turned around to find himself facing Henry.

“Well, well, well… what do we have here?”

“I… can explain.”

“I get it that things are better between the two of you.”

Ben finally let out a laugh.

“You can say that.”

“I’d love to hear all about it.”

“A drink?”

“With pleasure.”

“No one can know though!” Ben warned his colleague, leaving his car behind as they walked to a pub close by. “We’re taking things slow.”

“I see. I’ll keep it to myself then, but… I’m happy for you. For both of you.”

Ben’s smile faltered though, wavered until it was gone, replaced by a worried frown.

“I’ve never… properly apologized for that afternoon. I’m sorry, Henry. It was uncalled for, and completely out of line.”

“I was the one asking personal questions to my boss.”

Ben rolled his eyes.

“We’re friends. I shouldn’t have said any of the things I said that afternoon. I’m sorry, Henry.”

“It’s alright. I forgive you. But only because you’re a nice boss.”

“Thank you.”

“Besides, you seemed… not like yourself. You seemed upset that afternoon.”

It took Ben a moment to answer. They walked across the pavement, the sound of their footsteps crisp in the cold air. Wind howling, and cars driving by were drowning the silence that had settled. He buried his cold hands in the pockets of his coat.

“I didn’t think… It was too early on. It took me a while to get used to feeling like this all over again. I guess I just thought… I didn’t think she felt the same. I didn’t think she would give me a chance.”

But Henry didn’t get it.

“Why not? You’re amazing!”

Ben rolled his eyes.

“I mean it! Look, you’re… good-looking, for your age.”

“Hey! I’m not old!”

“And you’re nice, and smart, and the two of you share common interests,” Henry went on, ignoring his friend’s protests. “Why wouldn’t she say yes if you asked her out?”

Ben shook his head, half-amused. Henry was so young…

“Because she’s a mother. Because I’m a mess. Because I’m terrified. Because she’s a mess too. Because we’re too old to fool around. Because when you truly care for someone, you want the best for them, and I’m not sure I’m good enough for her.”

Ben gave Henry a sad smile.

“You’re too young to get that. But you’ll understand, one day. It’s hard to be vulnerable again, when you’ve been hurt before. And it’s even harder to take the risk to hurt someone you love.”

Henry noticed the choice of verb, he was about to comment on it, when Ben opened the door of the pub, and hurried inside. He got away with it, this time around…

*********************************

Tag list : @reg-arcturus-black @sergeantbuckybarnes @wolfmoonmusic @idek-what-to-put @kpicard @rhapsodyonthethames @friendly-philosopher

#ben barnes #ben barnes x reader #ben barnes x you #ben barnes x y/n #ben barnes fanfiction #ben barnes series #ben barnes fanfic #fanfiction #fanfic #writing

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raychleadele · 5 months

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Lately I’ve been really craving greens. Just absolutely slamming salads, putting them in wraps, on my morning egg toast, wilted into my pasta. Mixed greens everywhere. Spinach and arugula my beloveds. Also tried watercress for the first time and found that delightful. Loving my leafy greens. Figured there must be something in them, a vitamin or other nutrient, that my body really needs, because I’ve been going through them like crazy.

Relatedly, I recently paid an in person visit to the grocery store. I usually order for pickup to save on time, but this day I wasn’t able to for some reason. I was buying canned clams to make my late grandpa’s clam chowder. It’s a traditional Christmas/New Year’s season meal for me, I had to have it.

And when I picked up my can of clams, I became entranced by how many different canned fishes there were on the shelves. Sometimes I buy tuna, but I’d never touched most of them. And I know I was shopping hungry and when you shop hungry everything sounds good, but on that day the canned fish sounded really good. I thought “Idk, maybe I could be the kind of person who likes canned sardines.”

Then I snapped out of it and realized how hungry I was, and thought how insane it is for me to crave unfamiliar canned fish when I hardly eat the familiar variety I do buy, and reassured myself I’d get a meal when I got home, and I walked away without ransacking the shelf of canned fish.

But then I did it again at the fish counter at the Asian market a week later. I stood there for a full ten minutes, studying the dozens of whole fish they had that I’d never tried before, thinking maybe this would be the day I’d finally try filleting a fish for the first time, before deciding there weren’t any in my price range that looked fresh enough (I am in the only triple landlocked state of course), and walking away with no fish.

Then I saw that post here about someone who slammed three cans of fish and then learned they have lots of nutrients that help with seasonal depression. And I remembered how I’ve been slamming so many salads. And I thought huh, maybe my body is trying to tell me something about fish.

Then one of my favorite food YouTubers uploaded a video all about how people eat canned fish around the world and I said OKAY! CLEARLY I NEED TO BUY THE FISH!

So when I ordered groceries yesterday to prepare for the coming blizzard, I ordered canned fish. Specifically, I got one can of sardines, one can of anchovies, and one can of smoked oysters.

Today I cracked open the can of sardines for lunch. I taste tested a small piece and it was delicious! So I toasted an English muffin, spread it with some cream cheese, topped it with some thin sliced red onion and my beloved mixed greens, and added some sardines on top. Drizzled the top with some of the sardine oil and had an open faced sandwich. It was messy, because the minute I tried to bite into it all my toppings fell off, but it was delicious.

So anyway, I guess I am the kind of person who enjoys canned sardines now.

#personal #food

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lizandbo · 2 years

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hi:)

could i request a scenario with mha boys where the reader is midsize and she is a foodie. she like cooking in the dorm kitchen, but her bf notices her not cooking as much and feeling self-conscious. srry if it sounds stupid :) <3

OML NO IT DOEST SOUND STUPID I LOVE THIS SO MUCH AHHHH

thankyou for requesting<333 i literally squealed when someone actually requested something :,) sorry if its long tho lol

Masterlist

if you wanna request other things go ahead!

katsuki

Since you like to cook and katsu is good at cooking, yall can have lil dinner dates yk?

anyways yeah katsuki doesnt care if you eat like 6-8 times a day n make a lot of food

whatever makes you happy and comfy is what he wants for you

Usually you make food for the two of you in the afternoons, a mini date(?)

he spots you in the dorm kitchen and makes his way over to you; snaking his arms around your plush waist, putting his head on your neck

Katsu observes the food that your stirring rn and goes:

“Are you making a plate for yourself y/n?”

“Yeah..?”

“Why’s it such a small damn batch then?”

“Im just… I guess im not that hungry today”

“Damn nitwit you think I dont notice? yesterday you only ate itty bitty snack. now today your portion of the food is rat sized shit”

he left the silence for you to answer, which you didnt really wanna answer since katsuki would quite literally explode if you told him the truth

“Theres nothing to worry about i just kinda got off tack the last two days ig”

“…fine”

the next couple days hasnt been any better

he saw you scrolling through tumblr, but around this time you were eating or at least both at the same time

“y/n stop fucking with me”

you: 😀❓

“tf do you mean”

“Im not blind y/n you stopped eating, this isnt like you”

he was practically towering over you while you were sitting on the bed

Kat stared in the middle of your gorgeous soul

“speak damnit..”

“… do you like me this way?”

“What?”

“Like.. big? and i know eating all the time wont help either”

“This is the most dumbassery I've ever encountered in my whole life, it doesnt matter to me if you are bigger than most people. the only damn thing that matters is the person who you are in the inside… im not tryna be sappy damnit”

katsu crossed his arms “now, were going to eat your f/f whether you like it or not” he grabbed your hand and dragged you to the kitchen to have a lil dinner/ cooking date

throughout the dinner/cooking date he said lil reassuring words to you to help out your insecurity

kirishima

^ this is basically how he acts after sparring

Kiri hugs you from the back placing gentle kisses on your neck, going up down n across the nape

the gesture tickles you a bit, scrunching your shoulders up a bit

he squeezes you, loving the way that your whole body feels like a pillow

“How about we go out and eat today?”

“But its really expensive, i can just make something quick for you”

Kiri squishes you even more and basically hops on the couch with you still in his arms “but we can get all the food that we want tho!”

All you wanted to do is just run away, laser all the fat off and just be done with it and feel like a ‘normal’ person, without feeling like your being judged all the time

“Yeahh but we can also eat something… more healthy”

“but you always love to eat with me! whats wrong?”

“Idk i just dont feel like it today”

“Its ok, somedays are just like that”

he kisses you quickly and yall stay and cuddle there for a bit

eventually you guys pick up some snacks together

even just picking out something or mentioning food just makes you go uneasy and eiji notices

for the whole week you havent been doing your normal cooking, just simple quick snacks after school and avoiding eating out

kiri realizes he has to do something bout this

“hey baby?”

you were sitting at the table, scribblin things down

“did you eat today?”

“Yeah i ate some cereal and thats about it”

😐 “baby no you gotta eat more, why dont you cook for us!”

you continued scribbling

“But i dont need to eat more do you even know what i look like??”

“Yes i do and its a wonderful sight”

“Eijiro no”

“Eijiro yes!”

“wtf is wrong with you kiri”

“I look like a bloated walrus or a whale about to explode”

“No you do not look”

he squat down to your tummy, lifted the fabric that was covering it kissed it a bunch of times n nuzzling and everything

your cheeks got heated really fast by the action

he looked up to you “see? you got nothing to be ashamed of, its a really nice pillow” he went to your chest and nuzzled that too “and heres your really sweet personality”

he hugs you really tightly and kisses at the crown of your head and his hands goes to your cheeks and squishing them too

“your so cute, you know that?”

“Shush”

yall ended up cooking together, mostly you tho

“Your like a wizard in the kitchen!”

“And your the goblin that never learned how to cook”

“Damn y/n ig someones grouchy”

after yall are done making the food he spoonfed you, making sure that you felt loved and understood

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lunawings · 3 months

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Animaniacs in Concert, 2/17/24 in Bristol, CT

Or, the story of how I ran into Rob Paulsen and immediately threw up.

Not on him, thankfully.

Where to begin? From the beginning, I guess.

I talk a lot about Japanese voice actors on this blog and I have almost no thoughts about American anime dub voice actors (no offense, I just don't know their work). However, if you asked me my favorite American cartoon voice actor, it's Rob Paulsen. I knew his voice before I even knew he existed, and if you ask me, he's one of the most recognizable male voice actors in Saturday morning cartoons.

He's probably most known as being Yakko on Animaniacs, and "half the Ninja Turtles" as he puts it. ("Maybe if I live to 102 I can voice all of them!") I also personally really liked him in The Mask cartoon, I think it's some of his best work. (Even though he was doing Jim Carey, he kind of wasn't at the same time. He made it his own.) But even beyond his leading roles, he just seems to pop up all sorts of places, and it always makes my day when I recognize him as additional voices.

While Japanese voice actors are often young and excessively beautiful people you're supposed to swoon over, 80s/90s American cartoon voice actors aren't... quite... the same. And yet. I sorta do, in a weird way. I mean I've known Rob Paulsen's voice for as long as my brain has been making memories and that's a pretty huge impact on a person. A few years back, I stumbled upon a few videos of him on YouTube attending cons performing Yakko's World and such, and I just loved his personality and energy so much. So, I added seeing him perform someday to my mental list of goals to accomplish if I ever returned to the US.

Fast forward again to the 2020s, the Animaniacs revival comes out on Hulu (I don't care what anyone says I freakin loved it) and I hear he's touring again with Animaniacs in Concert. I looked up the dates and none of them were remotely near me. As I checked back one day, mourning the possible missed opportunity and debating how far I might go, a new show popped up in Bristol, CT. How random, I thought. I checked if it was doable for me, and it was! It wasn't feasible as a day trip, but still doable. And once I saw there was one FRONT ROW SEAT LEFT, the deal was sealed as I quickly bought the ticket and reserved a room at the only hotel I could find in the area, the Bristol Double Tree.

Fast forward to yesterday. I arrived in Bristol just after noon following an uber and FOUR different buses. I'd woken up way too early, I was hungry and tired, and not feeling too great. I decided food would be my first plan of action, and since I didn't quite understand how to order room service (the menu wasn't loading on my phone anyway) and there wasn't anything within walking distance, I decided to just head downstairs and eat at the hotel restaurant/bar.

As I was waiting for my impossible burger and fries, I decided to take off the Yakko's World hoodie I'd been wearing.

I bought it specifically to wear to the show, and I'd already spilled a little coffee on it this morning and didn't want to risk having to wash it again. So I tucked it behind me in the booth.

Shortly after that, another group walked in and sat at the table next to me. An older guy and some ladies. I wasn't paying much attention to them as I thought they were maybe a part of the wedding party I heard was at the hotel. My food came and I focused on that.

But then someone else walked in and joined them. Someone I very much DID recognize. "Oh there you are!" "Hi, I'm Rob!"

The next moment is kind of a blur so I'm not exactly sure whether I jumped a little or if I did the dramatic eyes widen slow turn, but I definitely had some kind of a visible reaction as I looked over to the table. It was then that I locked eyes with who at that moment I first realized was Maurice Lamarche, voice of Brain (from Pinky and the Brain) and many MANY Futurama characters (more than I realized as I learned later). He was the older man I mentioned earlier, and had been sitting there the entire time. And at that moment I thought perhaps he knew everything. (Both the fact that I recognized the new person who had just walked in, and the fact that I hadn't recognized Maurice himself until now.)

So I'm pretty sure I have at least mild prosopagnosia (face blindness) so it is hard for me to recognize people right away.

But there was something I could never fail to recognize, and that was the voice of Rob Paulsen, who was the person who had just walked into the room and joined the table with Maurice.

I'm not sure how they knew the women they were dining with, but they were all catching up, asking them if they were going to the show, etc. I listened a bit as Rob happily talked to them about the impact of the show and its fans. Such as how devoted fans would actually fly in to see them and how the average age of the audience was about 40 (hah ha... not yet but I'm getting there). He even mentioned Tress MacNeille at one point! Maurice was right in my view, but Rob was at an angle where I couldn't see him without turning my head but oh lord it was definitely him.

I had no idea what to do at this point. Do I say something? Do I not? Would it be terrible to just say hi and that I'm looking forward to the show??

I've been to a lot of events with voice actors in the past, especially in Japan, but I still just... cannot handle meeting famous people that I admire. Actually seeing them up close is intense enough, but actually TALKING to them? I don't know how anyone can do it.

I'm reminded of Amari in Idol Land PriPara, that episode where she meets Hibiki...

Yeah, basically me. For the people who visualize in their head while they are reading something, just replace whatever you imagine I look like with Amari and this story will fit very well.

All while this is all racing through my mind, I'm still shoveling french fries into my mouth while trying (and probably failing) to stay calm and act normal (even though I'm pretty sure Maurice is onto me) and I soon realize I've got a couple fries stuck in my throat (as often happens when I'm eating without paying attention, as I'm a very fast eater). I exaggerated a little in my previous post when I said I was choking, but it was hard to swallow and I realized I'd have to sneak off to the bathroom to deal with it without causing any more of a scene. I basically threw my credit card on the table and ran, though (which was dumb in hindsight, but I didn't want anyone to think I was dine-dashing).

In the end, after I came back, I decided to just quietly pay the bill and leave without saying anything, scrunching and hiding my Yakko hoodie the best I could. I didn't want to interrupt them during their private time, and for that reason I didn't try to take any photos or videos either. So I have no proof that this happened but it very much did.

And it made sense, I realized later. I already knew that the Double Tree in Bristol was literally the only hotel in the area, where else would they be!!?

After leaving the table I was so worked up I basically walked straight out of the hotel because I didn't know what else to do and headed to the Carosel Museum of New England where I killed at least two whole hours sitting on a bench looking at intricately carved 100+ year old wooden animals while nursing my exhaustion and caffeine cravings. (The museum isn't that big, I just literally did not know what else to do with myself.)

But I learned that most carousel horses are only decorated on the side that faces the customers. And since they were all hand-carved back then, the opposite side would often be carved by a less experienced carver in training or something. ISN'T THAT NEAT?

I thought that was neat.

Anyway.

Eventually I downed an energy drink I bought from a convenience store as I went on my way to the venue of the show.

I was still super early since I ran out of the hotel super early but there was already a crowd gathered outside. At first I didn't know this was the reason people had gathered, but the first 40 people to line up were eligible to sign up for a "meet-and-greet" with everyone after the show. And when I reached the front of the line, it was still open.

"Sure?" I said, not really fully understanding what I was signing up for. And so I headed inside.

The show opened with Yakko's Universe (SUCH A BEAUTIFUL SONG) and of course closed with Yakko's World as the finale. What came in between was quite random. Despite not being an actual cast member, the real star of the show was composer Randy Rogel. Rob of course voiced Yakko and his other characters, and Randy voiced... almost everyone else haha. Just using his own voice most of the time, but still. He sang as Dot a lot.

And it seemed like he picked the songs they played not necessarily by what songs were popular, but by what songs he and Rob had stories to talk about. For example, they did a bunch of songs from the failed show Histeria when Rob literally broke into tears (he was acting) while talking about how Randy had to actually, physically, go to a library to research the topics he was writing about back in those days. Randy also played an alternate version of the song LA DOT that had sat untouched in a folder for decades.

Rob's voice doesn't sound quite the same as it used to, as anyone who has seen the 2020 Animaniacs series would know, but he can still do it all! And considering he survived throat cancer, and came back to not only work again but sing live!? He sounds amazing!

Maurice Lamarche was also of course a part of the show, and although he only "sang" one song as Brain, his interactions in character as Brain with Rob as Pinky were probably the highlight of the whole show. (They did a whole "Who's on First" sketch talking about what countries to conquer, with Pinky misunderstanding "Hungary", "Turkey" and "Chili".)

Maurice also did a showcase of his voice, including so many other Animaniacs and Futurama characters I had no idea were him, not to mention frikkin Toucan Sam and the narrator of Lexus commercials.

The only thing that disappointed me a little about the show, was they didn't really do anything from the 2020 series, but I guess Randy wasn't as involved with the music in that. So, oh well.

I didn't take many photos/videos during the show, since I wasn't fully sure of the etiquette (still kinda have my Japan brain for these sort of things) and since I was in the front row I wanted to give them my full attention. I think there are plenty of videos online anyway, since at least one segment was one I'd already seen before.

So, after the show ended, people began to line up for the meet-and-greet, and it was then that I fully understood what I had gotten myself into.

Each of us would get about a minute to talk with them individually, get their signature, and get a picture if we wanted. I was really kicking myself for not bringing anything to sign! I really had no idea it would actually be an option! (In the days leading up to the show I had been looking at Rob's website where I noticed he normally charges $60 for an autograph, so I didn't think he would do it for free.)

But more importantly, I realized I was going to have to actually face them. TALK TO THEM. The exact thing I had run away from earlier in the day.

And again, I considered just running away. But I had taken a spot on that list. A spot that could have gone to someone else and it was too late to give away now. So, I told myself, I had to see this through. No matter what.

As the line inched closer I panicked over whether they would recognize me from the hotel or not as I rehearsed in my head over and over again all the things I could say. I was honestly juggling between two or three entire scripts by the time it was finally my turn and when realized... after all that...

I did not need to say anything.

Rob saw my hoodie ("It's me!") so he knew I was there for him, and he knew I was nervous. So he did all the talking. (After all, that is his job. Literally!) He took my hand and complimented my hoodie, my hair, and everything. He said so many nice things about me (I even got a "Hellooooo nurse!") and even broke the ice by introducing me to "his friend the Brain" so I got to shake hands with Maurice as well. (I STILL THINK HE KNEW. So I felt a little awkward then but other than that) it was just such a wonderful interaction. Rob was so nice and kind and I got the impression he really, really cares about his fans.

So I missed out on the autograph, but I did get a picture, and I left the entire experience feeling so warm and fuzzy and oddly complete. Childhood dream achieved.

It took me another four busses and an uber to get home today (I left around 8am, walked into my door after 4...) but it was all very worth it.

I'm mostly at peace with how things turned out, but if I ever get the chance to see them again, at a Comicon or whatever, I'll be sure to bring a Futurama DVD boxset for Maurice to sign and maybe try to acquire an old Animanics or Mask the Animated Series VHS for Rob!

You know, it's pretty ridiculous how easy it is to meet and get signatures from famous voice actors in this country. That almost never happens in Japan. I mean, I'm planning to go to an actual Love Live concert in Japan next month, and here I am oddly depressed I can't fly out to Seattle to see Chiemi and Coco at Sakura-con instead because I might get to actually meet MEET them there haha.

Even though it would be another disaster if I actually did.

Hahah...

#another very long and rambly event/travel story from my life #maybe mostly so i myself can look back on it #but maybe you'll enjoy reading it too #animaniacs #rob paulsen #maurice lamarche

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acaplaya-musings · 4 months

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Voiceplay Visuals: This Is Halloween

So obviously I'm not the only one who loves talking about Voiceplay and analysing their content, but I wanted to do something a bit different from the kinds of analyses/reactions that other people do, both on here and on Youtube (and music theory isn't really my forte anyway). So I'm planning on making some posts just focusing on the videos (and Geoff's as well, eventually), rather than the music arrangement or vocals or anything like that. My credentials are being a Drama Kid during my high school years, and experience with this sort of analysis from my time in other fandoms. I'm not planning on doing every single video, and though I'm gonna go chronologically from mid-2017 onwards (why not earlier? Because Reasons). However, since I yesterday finished a fanfic based on Voiceplay's cover of This Is Halloween, (which I studied a fair bit to get details right), I might as well start there!

Oogie Boogie pumpkin just outside the front door! (And a Jack Skellington one on the other side I believe?) These pumpkin also shows up in the spooky Halloween realm the group are transported to after eating the candy.

Credit to one of the comments which said that Earl is wearing a cow onesie and Eli is wearing a rooster onesie, which more likely than not is a callback to their (extremely hilarious) Chicken Song performance. (J is wearing a CatDog onesie, I think Geoff is wearing a giraffe onesie? And I'm not sure what Layne's onesie is meant to be)

Again credit to a commenter (different one), pointing out that Eli deadpan elbows Layne in the back, pushing him down after he eats the candy (likely a not-so-subtle acting cue or something like that, but still very funny once you notice it)

The return of the Jack and Oogie Boogie pumpkins, along with some other creatively-designed Jack-O-Lanterns! Peep the one on the far right, a little more towards the back; its 'eyes' say VP, and its mouth is the Voiceplay logo!

Also a little bit of foreshadowing, whether intentional or not: when Layne wakes up, one of the first things in his line of sight is the axe resting on the hay bales...

First of all, how many pumpkins were carved just for this video? Because a lot of effort went into making all those different designs for sure (and no, I'm not part of Voiceplay's Patreon, as the tier that lets you see behind-the-scenes stuff is like $8.50 AUD per month, rip). And second of all, this is a decent shot of how the group starts out upon waking up. J None is wearing a yellow plaid flannel quite similar to The Wolfman in Nightmare Before Christmas, and Earl is wearing denim overalls, like the behemoth character. Eli's outfit is of course representative of the Mayor of Halloweentown, but no spider bowtie or "Mayor" rosette (would've loved to see it, but eh no biggie). Layne I will get to in a moment, and Geoff a little bit after that.

I can't be bothered getting a better picture of it but Eli's half-concerned half-weirded-out face after J's helium-like vocal line is very amusing to me

On the "eyes glowing red" line, Earl's eyes (which are white at this point) flash red for a very brief moment, basically blink-and-you-miss-it.

The colour-change on Eli's left eye is so subtle that at first I didn't notice it at all, and then I only noticed it later on in the video, and only now, doing this analysis and taking a dozen screencaps, do I realize that it happens way earlier than I first thought (which explains why he takes his glasses off at this point I guess) (so uh, that's a minor inconsistency in my fanfic but it's fine)

Shoutout to the makeup/SFX people who helped with this video honestly, they did a super good job, genuinely!

(In which the frame-by-frame scrubbing technique comes in real handy)

An interesting choice to have Layne go through a sort of "half-transformation" stage, where he has a horn and red eye on one side of the face, while the other side of the face is normal. I like it though!

People have said that Layne is meant to be the devil (who is in fact another Halloweentown resident, but honestly I think he's meant to be Lock, or at least a combination of the two, because this what the two characters look like:

See how Layne resembles Lock more? In the outfit choice if nothing else (Also he's kinda sorta got the right face shape for Lock imo). Also, Lock wears a red trick-or-treating mask with horns on top!

Earl is really distressed about his hair falling out (not that I can blame him, really)

This shot/moment is probably one of the ones that stands out to me the most (other than Certain Other Ones for Other Reasons that I will get to in a moment), because J comes across as pretty mournful here, like he knows what's happening but he's feeling really sad/regretful about it? (Also I only just noticed Eli's face in the background and I'm not sure what to make of it 😅)

"pog" is not a word in my vocabulary 95% of the time, but this is basically just Pog faces right? (Geoff and Layne probably have the most fun of the group in this video ngl)

(Also I haven't yet touched on Geoff's transformations but I love the contouring work on his face!)

My god this video is comedy gold when it comes to pausing/taking screenshots

I daresay Eli ends up one of the least recognizable of the group by the end of it (other than J), and I wanna know how long that took to do

Geoff is the only one in the video who gets an outfit upgrade (Good For Him)

They didn't bother being movie-accurate with Geoff's vampire appearance, and honestly I'm definitely not complaining. (they made him hotter)

Layne did the music arrangement, but Geoff was in charge of the video production. How much say did he have over his own costume/appearance I wonder?

Visually speaking at least, nobody is even paying attention to him, they're just like "yeah that's just Geoff, normal behaviour, nothing new" 😆

I can't get a decent picture of it but shoutout to Layne doing a silly little run around the pumpkin stack, love that for him

Another small moment that a screencap wouldn't do justice: even as a vampire, Geoff still does his little self-conducting hand motions, which you might notice as he walks around the pumpkin stack, in the shot right after his "filling your dreams to the brim with fright" line

Also love Geoff's little almost-Elvis-like moves in the background for a brief scene. I know multiple commenters have mentioned it, but I'm yet to see a reactor notice it

Suddenly Layne is Concerned(tm) about Geoff's vampireness it seems?

Also for someone who very much adores this guy, it took me an embarassingly long time to realise that Geoff's face at this point had become paler and his hairline had changed (and actually now that I type it up here, I think that might even be a wig? Oh dear)

I don't really have anything to say about J's full transformation, but it would be unfair of me to not include him as well, and it's definitely a *very* impressive costume. Almost like one of those rubbery fully-covering-the-head costume mask things, but like it's his actual face?

Is that tattoo real or fake, because I literally have never noticed it in any other Voiceplay video, but it's very realistic! (For that matter, what aobut Earl's upper-arm tattoo that kind of looks like a ring of barbed wire?)

I basically watch the This Is Halloween opening scene from The Nightmare Before Christmas every October, and same with the What's This scene in December, but I had never actually watched the movie in full until December last year. So basically when they had the axe-in-the-head moment in the movie I was like ohhhhhhh so that wasn't just a random moment that Voiceplay dreamed up for the video! (I had a similar moment with the Mr Hyde character and his Mini Mr Hydes in his hat in the movie, but in relation to Voiceplay's Kidnap The Sandy Claws video)

When Elizabeth Zharoff/The Charismatic Voice reacted to this video, she said that the kid at the end (Layne's nephew, apparently), was "adorable". Meanwhile Mortius' reaction to the end scene was "oh I didn't like that! It makes me feel like I'm next!" 😂

Also suddenly just realized that the "real world" scenes are in a different aspect ratio to the "spooky dream realm" scenes? Possibly intentional, but also possibly just due to them using two different types of cameras for the shots.

And that's a wrap! I was hoping to get this done and posted last night but it took longer than expected. Hope you enjoyed it, as I'm thinking of writing up at least one or two more now, and scheduling them for daily releases. See ya!

#Voiceplay #Acapella #geoff castellucci #layne stein #eli jacobson #j none #earl elkins #earl elkins jr #this is halloween #nightmare before christmas #the nightmare before christmas #acaplaya analysis #voiceplay visuals

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sailorsenshishitposter · 5 months

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MGR office au part 6 - a day in the life of Jetstream Sam

After that awkward encounter with his boss, Sam got dressed and then double jumped onto the roof. He needed some space and didn't want to think about what had just happened. He gazed down the deadly height noticing a new face that he had never seen before. "What a pretty boy. I should go meet him." He then jumped all the way down and did a super hero landing, causing the earth to shatter beneath his feet. Since this was Denver, all the locals were used to strange events and paid no attention.

He ran towards the intriguing man and then stood in front of him. "Excuse me but would this happen to be you?" There was a poster in bold writing that said "HOT, SEXY CYBORGS IN YOUR AREA" The man responded back "Sorry. I'm from Liberia. You must have the wrong guy." He tried to walk away until Sam grabbed his shoulder. "Did it hurt?" The other man was now totally confused. "What?"

"I said did it hurt. When you fell. From Heaven." Sam then gave a massive shit eating grin and winked. The man let out a disgusted noise. "Ugh. What are you even supposed to be with that green exoskeleton? Shrek?" Sam chuckled. "Human Shrek I hope." He gave another smile. The other man became flustered. "You're impossible to get rid of!"

"No I'm Samuel Rodriguez but you can call me Papai ;) What's your name blondie?" The other man groaned. "I guess you won't leave me alone. My names Raiden all right? Not blondie!" Sam laughed. "Whatever you say pretty boy." As the two men were chatting, his colleagues began to wonder where he went?

Suddenly a voice came over the intercom. "Due to recent events, today's plans are cancelled. Next week we will be having a lesson on sexual harassment in the work place. Thank you all for understanding and good day." "Look at what you got us into Sundowner!" said Monsoon. The cyborg began to protest. "Hey, I got today's plan cancelled. More time for me to watch info wars. Besides, Sam's not here anyway!"

"While that may be true, we still won't be receiving payment today, no thanks to your actions and Mistral still wants to hang your corpse above her fireplace." Sundowner gulped. "Speakin' of which, where is she?" He carefully tip toed around the room only to nearly be caught by a whip. "MERDE! I ALMOST HAD YOU!" Sundowner then grabbed Monsoon. "Let's get outta here and find Sam!"

Soon they were outside of headquarters. "Okay, I think I'm safe now." The bald man let out a breath that he didn't realize he had been holding. "What the- Is that good ol' Sammy!" Monsoon used his vizor to zoom in. Low and behold, there was Sam along with some stranger. Without thinking, he blatantly asked "So Sundowner, who do you think is the top?" His coworker was now totally confused. "Why the hell are you bringin' up clothing?"

"...Nevermind. Let's not have another repeat of yesterday shall we? Anyway my Intel is telling me that the man he is with is a infamous cyborg called Raiden. Otherwise known as Mr. Lightning Bolt-" "No fuckin' way! They really call him that?" Sundowner was now on the ground cackling. Monsoon sighed. "If you will let me finish, he's a skilled child soldier from Liberia, directly took on the patriots and has-.... child bearing hips...?"

"What in the fuck man!?" Neither of them could believe what they just heard. "All right, change of plans. We'll observe them from afar." Ten minutes later and Sundowner had acquired a giant Amazon warehouse cardboard box that the two of them managed to fit in. "What's happenin'? How are you supposed to see what they're doing?" The other man grew tired of his coworkers idiocy. "You know very well that I'm blind and can't see. I'm going to try listening in on their conversation."

Monsoon detached an ear and carefully maneuvered it forward. Once he had it in range he careful set it down where the two men wouldn't notice it. "So what do you think about getting something to eat?" "As long as it doesn't taste like gunpowder it should be fine." "Wait, what-" Suddenly he couldn't hear them anymore. Sundowner looked outside and noticed that it had started to rain. "Whadda we do now?"

"Wind blows, rain falls. It's simply how things are. I'm not so weak as to quit from the threat of a mere storm." He called his ear back. "I'll simply use my electromagnetism to my advantage. Watch and learn." Sundowner nodded. "If you say so." Soon Monsoon had shouted "Lorentz Force" and then there was a change in the air. "What's happening to my body!?" shouted Raiden. "Hey I think it's workin' Monsoon!" The man gave a smug grin. "Of course. Soon I shall orchestrate my utopia of death!"

It seemed the force was perhaps too strong. The next thing they knew, Raiden became stuck to Sam's body. "Did ya mean for this ta happen too er..?" Monsoon took the box, threw it on the ground and started to repeatedly stab it with dystopia. "I didn't know how much you liked me blondie?" Raiden wanted to scream. "I don't, it's this stupid body. Something must be wrong with it. DOKTER!"

Suddenly a holographic image of a German man popped up. "Ah, Raiden, what zeems to be de problem-" He took one look and then blushed. "Oh my, I zeppos I haught you at a bad time yah..." He then promptly ended the transmission. "DAMN IT!" Sam chuckled. "Is it really so bad being this close to me?"

"YES! NOW HELP ME! THERE ARE TWO PEOPLE OVER THERE AND I DON'T WANT THEM TAKING PICTURES!" Sam sighed. "And just when I was starting to have fun. Alright. What do you want me to do?" Raiden then explained that they should be able to change the polarity if Sam turned around. "Hopefully this should fix everything. Now get moving before I die of embarrassment!"

Somehow Sam had managed to turn around but there was a new problem. They were still stuck together and in a even more compromising position. Specifically it looked like Raiden was giving it to Sam from behind. "Heh. Didn't know you were into this?" Raiden doubted his face could get any redder. "ARGH!!!" Sam then had a thought. "You know I won't be mad if you want to test the merchandise. I can assure you, it is of very high quality."

"OH MY GOD WILL YOU PLEASE JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Raiden was just hoping that something would kill him at this point. "Hey, I know those guys!" Raiden's lone eye went wide open. "YOU WHAT!?" "Yeah, they're my co-workers. Maybe they could help us get unstuck. And perhaps a picture to remember you by?" Jack was close to coming out. "Calm down, I was only kidding." (He wasn't)

"HEEEEEYYYYY, HEEEEEEYYY OVER HERE!" Sundowner scratched his head. "You don't think they're talking to us do you?" Monsoons anger soon washed away once he noticed all the yelling. "I guess we better fix this." They went over and released the two men from the magnetic grip. "Thanks guys. I knew I could count on you. By the way, this is my boyfriend Raiden." Sundowner and Monsoon began to clap. "Congratulations."

Suddenly Raiden was right behind Sam. "And when was I going to be made aware about this?" he said with an icy tone. Sam began to sweat profusely. Next thing he knew, Raiden's eye began to glow red and he took out his blade. "Did I ever introduce you to Jack?" Soon Sam was running away from the mad man known as Jack the ripper.

Sundowner laughed. "All's well that ends well. Speakin' of which, why do I feel like I'm forgetin' somethin"?" Half a second later and Mistral used her whip like Spiderman to hurl herself forward and then flung her foot into Sundowner's crotch. "Mon fucking Dieu! These bitches gay! Good for them!"

#crack fic #mgrr #metal gear rising revengeance #samuraiden #raiden mgr #jetstream sam #samuel rodrigues #sundowner mgr #monsoon mgr #mistral mgr #senator armstrong #mgr

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invincible-selfxmade-punk · 6 months

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Today is an in-service day to finish up our grades and our spreadsheets. We don't have to be in until 9:00 a.m. but I promise you I don't feel like I got the extra hour and a half of sleep. Still it is a day that seems to go by slow at first, but then when I realize how much stuff I have to do it actually ends up going by pretty fast in the end.

Yesterday was our Christmas party and I counted it a success because no one thought each other and no one threw up.

Everyone brought those nasty sugar cookies you get from Walmart that are really squishy and have about 2 inches of icing on them, and the extra dry tiny cupcakes with a mountain of pure sugar icing on top.

No one thought to bring drinks so I had to go and get some and then they're still really weren't enough. I'm really surprised with all that absolute crap to eat that it didn't end worse with kids going feral.

My Indian student brought some crazy biased and Herb bread that was cut up into little slices and of course I was the only one that ate it and I took it home because it was really good but extremely foreign tasting. Definitely open up my flavor palette to new things.

I actually got a lot of gifts this year and all the one came from first period

I was gushing over all of them and one of the kids asked: did you not get any Christmas gifts last year?

I honestly didn't. Those kids were so self involved giving anything to anybody else was just not in their frame of reference. I told him that the one year that I got the most and the best Christmas gifts was my first year teaching when I basically spent the year just trying to keep the kids from killing each other or killing me because they were so emotionally disturbed. Now of course I didn't add that last part I just said that the kids were really bad. And I have this one kid God bless him. If you look at them you cannot tell their gender they don't really care what gender you call them I'm not sure if they have figured that out yet but they're whatever they are they're okay with they just kind of I guess you could say their gender fluid and the fourth grade. They don't dress any specific gender their hair is very long and they are one of the most brilliant students and the most sarcastic that I've had. So anyway this kid pipes up and says

"Yeah the parents knew what crappy parents they were and they knew that their kids Behavior was all their own fault so of course they're going to give you a lot of gifts cuz they feel guilty.!!!"

And this is a fourth grader!!

Also though that first year I received what to this day is my favorite Christmas gift for kids. We did bilingual education a little different at that first goal to where all of the bilingual kids would be gathered in each class that I had and they would be taught with a bilingual co-teacher who was translating what I was saying for those that could not understand everything. The kids who were more advanced set in with the class but if they had a question the bilingual teacher was right there to the side so they can just go and ask her. It was different but it seemed to work pretty well.

So that year several of those bilingual kids brought me these little bags of homemade PAN DE POLVO-- which if you don't know is a Mexican cinnamon and sugar cookie that is solid but the incident you put it in your mouth it just crumbles and dissolves and is so amazingly delicious.

That year I was driving back and forth from West Texas to South Texas to visit my husband and visit friends over the holiday and I took those cookies with me and ate them all through that freezing cold 8-hour drive that I made. And I just remember how good those cookies were because they were made with so much love and that was the absolute best gift I think I have ever gotten from students.

#teaching #christmas party #winter break #Times Like These you learn to live again #Mexican cookies #Spotify

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spnhunter4life · 1 year

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So Long Version 2 Chapter 1

Summary: Jenna and Dean have known each other since she was 9 and he was 11. Their fathers often hunted together, so they grew up in next door motel rooms, keeping each other company and watching out for Sammy. They were inseparable until their dads inevitably fought and stopped working together. Shortly after Sam left for college, her father had been killed on a hunt and his dad had been more and more distant, so they started hunting together. In a world where everyone has a tattoo of their soulmate’s name that appears somewhere on them on their 16th birthday, it took them a ridiculous amount of time to figure things out.

Word Count: 4k

A/N: To those of you who have been following my fic So Long, this is the second version I promised. This is going to be the exact same story just written in chronological order instead of jumping around, so people can choose which way they prefer to read it.

Series Masterlist

It was the second day at this school in South Dakota. Dad and John had gotten a call from Bobby about a possible ghost problem a few towns over from Sioux Falls and so here we were. All the moving around never got any easier. Just when I started to really get to know the friend or two that I made, we had to pack up and move on again.

Ages 14 and 15

October 15, 1994

I was eating lunch with three other girls. Kristin and Liz were sitting on one side of the table and Carly was sitting next to me on the other side, the rest of the table empty. I was appreciative of the three girls who had noticed the new girl sitting by herself yesterday and come over to keep me company. This is how it usually went. As a fairly introverted person, any friends I made were the result of the other people approaching me, not the other way around.

“Can you believe the amount of homework Mr. Cohen assigned us today?” Carly was complaining. “I don’t know how I’m going to have time to get it all done!”

“No kidding,” Liz joined in. “Does he not realize that the other teachers are all giving out homework too, not just him?”

“He gave us a week to get it done,” Kristin reminded them. “You can do a little every day. It’s not like it all has to be done tonight.”

“Says the overachiever who’s never missed an assignment or gotten a grade lower than an A her whole life,” Liz teased.

“What do you think Jenna?” Carly asked me. “You said you’ve moved around a lot. Would any of the teachers at your other schools hand out this much homework at once?”

“I mean, it’s definitely a lot to be given at once, but I guess I wouldn’t say it’s too much. Like Kristin said, we do have a week to do it. So, I guess I would consider it a reasonable amount,” I concluded.

Carly and Liz both had little frowns of disagreement on their faces, but they dropped the subject, moving on to the much more exciting – in their minds, anyway – topic of Snow Queen. This new conversation had only just started, Carly asking the other two what they were going to wear when I saw Liz’s eyes widen at something over my shoulders. Then she was leaning in, excitedly whispering.

“The hot new guy you were talking about is here,” she said excitedly to Carly. “Wow, you weren’t exaggerating.”

Carly turned to look at him and I saw Kristin peering around to see who they were talking about too. I didn’t need to look. I knew who it was. I sighed and kept eating. Sure enough, Dean soon walked past my line of sight, heading towards the dwindling lunch line. The girls were chattering about him, but I wasn’t really listening. Until I heard my name.

“Come on Jenna, didn’t you see him? Isn’t he, like, the best looking guy you’ve ever seen in your life?” Carly encouraged me to join in. Of course I agreed with her, but I wasn’t about to announce it out loud.

With a small smile, I said, “Well of course you guys would think so. In a school this small, anyone new is exciting.”

Liz scoffed. “Oh please. It’s not because he’s new. You did see him didn’t you? The guy in the leather jacket?”

“I saw him.”

“And you don’t think he’s attractive? At all?” Carly asked in disbelief.

I looked for him, saw that he was a little over halfway through the line, well out of hearing range, and sighed. I made a split second decision to tell them. Why not? It was rare that I got to talk about Dean this way. I had to keep all my feelings bottled up. It would be so nice to be able to let them out, and who better to talk to about it than a group of virtual strangers who would whole-heartedly understand and agree with me?

“Alright, fine. He’s the most attractive guy I’ve ever seen.” I agreed.

Carly was watching him as he made his way through the rest of the line. “Isn’t he though?” she sighed dreamily.

“It doesn’t really matter though,” I told the girls.

“What do you mean? This school is full of girls he’s never met before. Chances are he’ll be interested in at least one of them, so why not think that any of us could be her?” Liz asked, probably thinking she was making a great argument. And maybe it was a great argument. For them. They didn’t have all the information about me though.

“Doesn’t matter for me,” I told them.

“Because you move around a lot?” Kristin asked. “Long distance relationships are a thing you know. And besides, even if he never looks at us twice, there’s nothing wrong with appreciating the view.” She turned again to watch him as she said this.

“Moving isn’t the problem,” I mumbled just as Carly squealed, “I think he’s coming over here!” and Kristin quickly spun around in her seat to face forward again.

I looked up and saw Dean just steps away from our table, as Carly had said.

“Hey, Jenna!” He greeted as he moved around the table to sit beside me.

“Hi, Dean,” I answered, blood rushing to my cheeks as the mouths of the other three girls dropped open in shock.

“Is the food at this school any good?” He asked, eyeing the chicken strips, mashed potatoes, corn, and rice krispie bar they were serving today.

“Yeah, it’s pretty good,” I told him.

“Great,” he replied, digging in. “So how are you ladies doing?” He asked around a mouthful of food. I elbowed him in the side. “What?” he asked innocently. He knew I hated his awful table manners, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get him to stop.

“So, uh… you guys know each other?” Kristin asked.

“Umm… surprise?” I said unsurely.

“Is it though?” Dean asked. “I mean in a school this size doesn’t everybody know when there’s a new kid or two?”

“Of course,” Carly answered.

“And nobody noticed that Jenna and I showed up at exactly the same time yesterday?” He continued.

“Well when you put it like that I guess we really should have,” Carly answered. “But no, for some reason we did not realize. I actually didn’t even see you until today.”

“Actually, now that she mentions it, I didn’t see you either. And you definitely weren’t at lunch yesterday. Where were you?” I asked him. I had initially written it off as him having a different lunch period. We often did. But this school only had one lunch period for the entire high school. He should have been there.

“I was running errands for Dad,” he responded easily. I knew that meant he was helping with the hunt in some way. I don’t know why I was just finding out.

“Your dad had you running errands instead of being in school?” I asked him, frustrated. “And you didn’t tell me.”

“Who says I wasn’t in school?” He asked, mock offended, even though he obviously hadn’t been. “Besides, not all of our dads are as insistent on a good education as yours,” he told me. “And when you didn’t see me at lunch it should have been a clue that I was busy,” he joked.

“We rarely ever have lunch at the same time. It wasn’t unusual not to see you,” I countered.

“So,” Liz interjected, looking at me meaningfully, “aren’t you going to introduce us?”

“Oh. Right. Guys this is Dean. Dean this is Kristin, Liz, and Carly,” I said, gesturing to each girl as I named them.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you,” he said with his patented charming grin, the one guaranteed to make girls from all around the world stop breathing while they were caught in the intensity of it.

“How do you two know each other?” Kristin asked, looking back and forth between the two of us. The other two were looking and listening intently too and I noted the curious stares of several other people in the cafeteria. I mentally rolled my eyes, resigned to this new topic that would undoubtedly continue for a while.

This is what always inevitably happened. We moved to a new school. As the new girl, people would find me mildly interesting at best. I was mostly ignored except for a select few people who made an effort to be welcoming. And then people found out that I was somehow involved with “the hot new guy” as he was usually known. Dean would wave at me or talk to me in the hall, someone would see us getting into the same car after school, or in today’s case, he sat with me at lunch. Then I became interesting. People wanted to get to know me in order to get to know him.

“Our dads work together,” Dean answered for me, stealing the rice krispie bar from my tray.

“Hey!” I protested.

“What? You hate these things,” Dean said. He wasn’t wrong.

“Yeah, but you could have asked instead of just taking it,” I mumbled petulantly.

“Why do I have to ask to eat something I know you’re not going to eat anyway?”

“Well it would be the polite thing to do,” I told him sternly. He just scoffed and took a bite.

“So you guys move around a lot,” Kristin started, continuing her line of questioning, “and it’s just you two and your dads?”

“And my brother Sam,” Dean replied through another mouthful of food.

“Ok, I know we were more out of the loop than we should have been with you, but I swear there isn’t a third new kid here. There’s no way we would have missed that,” Carly insisted.

“Nah, you wouldn’t have heard about him,” Dean told her. “Sammy’s in middle school.”

“Well thank goodness I haven’t lost it completely,” Carly joked.

“How long have your dads been working together?” Kristin asked.

“What’s it been? Five years now?” Dean mused, looking to me for confirmation.

“Yeah, probably pretty close to that, I’d say,” I said.

I saw Kristin open her mouth to ask another question when the five minute bell rang. We all hurried to dump our trays and get to class.

~~~~~

It was about ten minutes into art class an hour later, and I was trying to find the right mix of colors to blend together for the shade of blue I wanted. We were working on landscapes this week, using oil pastels.

I’ve found that art classes can be quite tedious or a lot of fun, depending on the teacher. I liked this one. She was pretty relaxed, giving everyone the assignment and then letting them do whatever they wanted within the parameters of the project. She was also completely fine with students talking throughout the whole class as long as they were still getting work done.

“So,” Liz started. We sat beside each other and I had been waiting for this. The questions about Dean would start now. Things he liked to do or watch or eat, what kind of girls he was usually interested in, that sort of thing.

“You and Dean seem pretty close.” She worded it as a fact, but her tone trailed off in a questioning way.

“Yeah, I suppose you could say that,” I responded warily. I’d found the correct combination of colors I wanted and started working on the sky.

“And you guys are just friends? Nothing more?” She asked, unconvinced.

“We’re just friends,” I told her, already ready for this conversation to be over with.

“But why?” She wondered out loud as she grabbed a red oil pastel from the box between us. I felt my forehead wrinkle in confusion.

“Why what?

“Why aren’t you guys together?” She explained. “I mean, you’ve known each other for years, you apparently travel around the country together, you practically live together-”

“We don’t live together,” I quickly interjected. There had been a quick conversation in the hall about our living situation when Carly asked if Dean and I lived together. Luckily the five minutes between classes left just enough time to explain the situation without having to be questioned about it too thoroughly. “We’re always in separate motel rooms. It’s more like living in the same apartment building I suppose.”

“I said practically,” Liz quipped. “And that’s not the point.”

“Then what is?” I sighed, using a paper towel to blend my sky colors together.

“The point is…” she started, pausing to find the right words. “Well, everything I already said!” She finally settled on. “You said you guys move around a lot. I imagine always being the new kids makes you even closer with the one person you actually know,” she said.

“I have Sam too,” I reminded her.

“You mean Dean’s little brother? The one in middle school?” She snorted. “Yeah, that’s exactly the same thing.”

“It is the same thing,” I insisted. “Our dads aren’t around much so we’re all pretty close.”

Liz looked at me like I was unbelievably stupid.

“I feel like we’re having two separate conversations here. Do you really not get where I’m going with this?” She asked.

“You’re trying to be absolutely sure that we’re not dating and Dean’s single, right? Well I’m telling you that we’re not dating. Can we drop it now?” I asked, irritated.

“No, we can’t drop it,” she countered. “That’s not where I’m going with this at all.” She let out a frustrated breath before continuing. “You said at lunch that he was the most attractive guy you’d ever seen.” She said pointedly.

“No I didn’t,” I denied, grabbing a white oil pastel to add in some clouds. “Carly said that.”

“And you agreed,” Liz said. “Look, I’m not trying to embarrass you,” she continued when she saw my blush. “I’m just trying to understand. I only saw you guys together for a few minutes today and it seemed pretty clear to me that you’re really close. So why aren’t you together?”

“He’s not…” I started to say, cutting myself off. Liz waited patiently for me to sort my thoughts. “He doesn’t see me that way,” I told her.

“Are you sure?” She asked.

I frowned, thinking about all the girls he was always flirting with.

“I’m sure.”

“Well… I think you might be wrong,” she said decisively. And then, before I could object, “Tell me about him.”

“What do you want to know?” I asked.

“Anything you want to tell me,” she said. “Isn’t it nice to get to talk about him like a normal teenage girl talking to her friend about the guy she likes? Not as the friend that can give other interested girls tips?”

“Sorry,” I apologized. “I shouldn’t have just assumed.”

“Don’t worry about it,” she said. “I’m sure you had a reason. So? What’s he like?”

I thought about it. What was Dean like? I spent the rest of the hour-long class telling her about the wonderful guy I spent most of my time with. I started out a little hesitantly, but by the end I was excitedly answering any question she threw my way. She was right. It was almost freeing to have this discussion with her, to put my feelings out into the world instead of keeping them trapped inside. When the bell rang, signaling the end of class, I was feeling lighter than I had in a long time.

Dean’s POV

Ages 14 and 16

January 24, 1995

I stared at the ceiling, willing myself to find the energy to get out of bed. I heard Sam moving around, getting ready for school, but I couldn’t bring myself to do the same. I knew that by the end of the day I would have letters inked into my skin. Letters that spelled out my soulmate’s name. I had no illusions about my family’s lifestyle and what it would mean for my soulmate. It would be a bittersweet moment, finally learning her name, but knowing I could never allow myself to be with her, to put her in that kind of danger.

With a sinking feeling in my stomach, I sat up and swung my legs over the side of the bed. I rubbed my eyes before standing up and starting to get ready for the day. I had decided I wasn’t going to look for the tattoo. I would put it off for as long as I could and see it whenever I happened to stumble upon the patch of skin it showed up on.

~~~~~

It had been a pretty good morning. My anxiety had faded to the background when a smiling Jenna came into our room with bacon, eggs and toast for breakfast. It wasn’t elaborate by any means, but it was more than we usually had and the fact that she took the time to make it for us, for me, made it that much more special.

The two of them had given me the gift they picked out right away this morning when an excited Sam decided he couldn’t wait until after school. He halfway disappeared under the bed for a few seconds, wiggling his way back out with a box clutched in his hands. He proudly handed it to me and then watched in eager anticipation as I opened two new movies, Jumanji and Batman Forever.

“Now we have something to watch for movie night too!” He exclaimed. I thanked them both and then we headed to school, Jenna’s dad dropping us off.

Now I was sitting in the locker room, changing back into my regular clothes after gym class. I had opted out of a shower, not wanting to find my tattoo in this miserable place, surrounded by strangers I would have to guard my reaction around. I had my foot up on the bench I was sitting on, switching out my sweaty socks for a dry pair, lost in my thoughts when I heard someone to my left snicker and say, “Isn’t Jenna your sister?”

My head whipped around to look at Matt, the guy who had spoken. He was a sophomore like me, and while he wasn’t wildly popular, he sure thought he was something special. “What?” I snapped. My protective instincts flared up. We had only been at this school for a week, but I was well aware of how attractive Jenna was, and if this kid thought he was going to try something, he had another thing coming. “Why?” I asked, failing to keep the suspicion out of my voice.

“Didn’t the two of you show up around the same time? And I’m pretty sure I’ve seen the two of you coming to school in the same car,” he mused. “So you must be her brother. That’s gotta be pretty awkward. Unless you know another Jenna?”

“I don’t have to explain anything to you,” I snapped.

“Dude, don’t they have different last names?” Chimed in a freshman whose name I didn’t know. I wasn’t sure if I should be grateful for or irritated by his input. “So unless they have different dads or something… I don’t think they’re related.” Irritated, I decided. He hadn’t said anything offensive, and his analysis wasn’t wrong, but I found I didn’t like the way he was obviously looking for Matt’s approval.

“Really? How do you know that?” Matt asked. Without waiting for a reply, he continued. “Well that’s a relief I suppose. It would be pretty weird if your sister was your soulmate,” he laughed. “Too bad though,” he continued, having gained the attention of most of the locker room. “She’s not half bad looking. I might ask her out anyway, see what she really thinks about her pathetic, loser soulmate.”

I clenched my jaw. Having lived in tight quarters for years, Jenna and Sam had learned to back off at this, that it meant I was seriously pissed off. Matt had the misfortune of not knowing me so well. “Leave her alone,” I warned. I had managed to keep my temper so far, but if he actually made a move on her, all bets were off.

“Don’t worry,” Matt drawled on. “I’ll test her out for you. Let you know if she’s actually worth your ti-”

Before he even realized I was moving, I had crossed the couple of steps to him, grabbed a fistful of his shirt, and shoved him back into the lockers. “I don’t know what you’re even talking about,” I seethed, “but you better stay away from her or I’ll make sure that my pathetic loser face is the last thing you see before I put you in the hospital.”

I turned away from him and, after taking a step, ducked, effectively dodging the punch I had seen him getting ready to throw. I spun back around and landed a solid punch to his face before grabbing my shoes and storming out of the locker room. It wasn’t until I was sitting in the bleachers lacing up my boots that I saw it. Inked into the skin of my left ankle was her name.

JENNA

Walking down the hall with the only friend I’d made at this school in the three weeks we’d been here, I laughed at the story she was telling about her brother and his mishap with a pair of scissors and a desire for a new haircut. I was about to counter with a story about Sam and Dean’s latest prank war and a bottle of shampoo when I stopped in my tracks.

Ages 14 and 16

February 5, 1995

“What’s wrong?” Abby asked, confused. She looked to where I was staring and understanding crossed her face. “You kind of like him, right?”

That was a bit of an understatement. I ‘kind of like him’ the way an alcoholic ‘kind of likes’ their drink of choice, the way a fish ‘kind of likes’ the water.

I knew how ridiculous it was to pine for a guy who saw me as a friend at best, more likely sister, but I couldn’t seem to convince my stupid heart to get over it. I managed to close my slightly open mouth and look away from where Dean was making out with the head cheerleader.

“He turned sixteen a couple of weeks ago. You don’t think she’s…” I stopped, not able to complete that thought.

“His soulmate?” Abby finished. “I don’t know. Maybe. He didn’t tell you what her name is? You guys live together don’t you?”

“No.” I said vaguely, lost in thought.

“No… what?” she asked.

“Sorry,” I sighed, giving her my full attention. “No, he didn’t tell me what name showed up. He’s kind of private. Doesn’t like talking about anything involving feelings. And yeah, I guess we kind of live together. Our dads work together, so we end up moving to the same places a lot.”

“Well there’s really no reason to think she’s the one. Just because he has his soulmate’s name now doesn’t mean he won’t be interested in anyone else until he meets her,” she reasoned. I must not have looked convinced because she continued. “Is this typical for him? I mean, does he usually flirt and go on dates and occasionally show a little too much PDA?” She asked, wrinkling her nose as she looked in their direction again.

“All the girls are always interested in him. And he definitely notices. And likes it. So yeah, this is pretty typical I guess,” I told her.

“Ok, well then I definitely wouldn’t worry about it. If he didn’t usually do this type of thing, then I’d say there was likely a reason for the sudden change in behavior. But if it’s normal, then don’t read anything into it.”

I knew she was right, and even if she wasn’t, I had no reason to be jealous. In a year and a half, I’d get my own soulmate’s name. If I hadn’t moved on by then, hopefully that would be enough to convince my traitorous heart it wasn’t meant to be.

Chapter 2

#supernatural #supernatural fanfic #dean winchester #original characters #original female character #dean winchester x ofc #dean winchester x soulmate ofc #soulmates #soulmate au #so long v2

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dontwritemeoff · 2 years

Text

making breakfast for june, cal, damon, and bash!

I have been brainstorming domestic moments that might have occurred in like the time between Orion and Tilaarin and when this struck me I was just like :O

This is each member separately, but I do think a big crew breakfast would be a fun thing to write as well

I am fs planning to finish this with Ryona, Aya, and Vexx!! I just wanted to get something out since I’ve been working on this for like 3 days lol

TW: food mention

JUNE

We know that this man canonically barely sleeps but we don’t really know his eating habits? So for the sake of this he gets hungry just as often as anyone else lol.

You don’t actually set out with the intention of making breakfast for him. It’s actually sweeter than that: you simply integrated him into your morning routine. When making yourself breakfast (and this is a morning where you have time for more than just some water and granola, you like actually cook), you find yourself already considering June’s needs. You hadn’t seen him in the hallway, and you’d gotten up fairly early, so you assumed he was still in his room. Whether he was actually asleep or not, who knows.

You debated whether to eat yours first and just wait for him to come into the kitchen eventually or take it to him, and decide on the latter since you were also hoping for a private moment with him away from the mayhem of being full time mercenaries.

Transferring the food you’d cooked into some more portable dishes, you exit the kitchen and make your way to June’s door. With your hands full, you knock on the door with your elbow, and while awkward it gets the job done. You can hear some shuffling behind the door and then June answers in some comfortable pants and a shirt you can tell he hadn’t been wearing prior to five seconds ago.

He answers on high alert but then his eyes soften when he sees you.

“(YN), good morning, um, to what do I owe this surprise?” He asks, smiling softly yet still quirking his eyebrow.

You smile and hold up the food you’d made, steam still wafting slightly from the top of the bowls. “I made breakfast and hoped to have a quiet morning in with you!”

“You made me breakfast?” He asks, as if that isn’t obvious from the two portions you’re holding and the invitation to eat some with you.

“Oh, well I guess I did,” You respond, “I wasn’t really thinking about doing anything special, I was just already thinking about you and made you some without thinking.”

He looks surprised for a moment before smiling deeply, the corners of his eyes wrinkling. “Come inside, I was thinking about you too.”

While it’s a bit cramped trying to both eat off from his desk, and he only has one chair that he all but forced you to sit in, insisting that standing was no problem, you both find yourself occupied with thoughts only about how happy this companionship makes you.

During his light rant on the proper storage of Lizzie’s food and how Damon keeps taking it out of the fridge even though he knows that it needs to stay cold, you take his hand and run your finger along a fresh, but albeit, small cut. You’d reached out without really thinking about it, and June cuts off his sentence preemtively.

“Are you not using the cream that Ryona gave you for these cuts? It doesn’t seem like this has healed much since yesterday. You know you should be doing that,” you scold, despite there being no anger behind your voice.

He blushes just slightly, barely visible with his tanned skin and the greenish tint to his blood. He averts his gaze but you know he’s guilty.

“It’s not that big of a deal and my hands are already so scarred anyways, I don’t see how they could look any worse,” he deflects, and from the look of sadness that passes over your face he knows he’s said something wrong. He just wanted to keep you from worrying about him.

“June,” you start earnestly, “you do realize that I love you, wholeheartedly and completely, and that includes all your scars, external and internal? I will always accept you just as you are, and care for you even for the most trivial things. I know that it must still be hard adjusting to this level of attention, but I will always remind you that I care about every small part of you.”

There’s a silence that follows that statement, as you see tears welling in his eyes. His brows furrow as he tries to process every word of your statement. Twice already today you’d cared about him as if it was second nature and now you’ve told him that he has your unconditional care and support. While he’d found trust and friendship with the crew of the A6, nobody had cared for him in this way, without judgement and as if it was like breathing. The feeling of it crumbled him, and he took you into his arms, cupping the back of your head with his hand as he buried his face into your shoulder.

And you hug him back just as tight, as with your arms you could squeeze the doubt and pain right out of him. While you hadn’t considered how much your small actions would mean to him, you wanted to convey how big your emotions were too. When June pulls himself back together again and pulls away from the hug, you smile and wipe his cheeks dry with your hand.

“How about we go to the kitchen for seconds?”

CALDERON

With preparations for Tilaarin and the diplomatic nightmare of dealing with Alisa and Oppo simultaneously, you hadn't seen Calderon in a couple days, besides in passing where he gave you a soft look but kept walking.

While your time with Cal had been short, you knew this man as a workaholic with no sense of self care, and got it in your head to make sure he was taking care of himself, since he couldn't seem to do it himself. Before you went to bed you'd stopped by the bridge to make sure he wasn't still there and luckily only found Aya confirming the path to Tilaarin and making minor adjustments in the autopilot. Satisfied that Cal was most likely at least in his room, you went to bed yourself.

The next morning while making yourself something to eat you noticed a distinct lack of dirty dishes from Calderon. (At this point, you'd eaten with the crew enough to know who used what and Cal was extra particular with his items.) Sighing, you started up the stove to make sure that he ate something more than a handful of nuts or some plain bread.

Once you'd finished and plated both of your meals you realized you had no idea where he was. Most likely he was already awake doing god knows what, and you didn't have the energy to hunt him down. So, you picked up your com, took a deep breath, and called the shipwide line:

"Paging Captain Calderon Lynch, from Prince(ess) (YN) Peg'asi," you laugh inwardly at the formality that certainly wasn't necessary but conveyed urgency, "I need you to report to the kitchen."

You can hear Bash laughing from the hallway, and through your mild embarrassment hold out hope that Cal is even more embarrassed and that he'll arrive at least to chew you out.

You sit at the table, waiting in silence for a minute, when you hear the automatic door slide open and a peeved but blushing Calderon step in.

"To what do I owe this, pleasure," Cal begins, "your majesty." You know that if it has been anyone but you, he would already be yelling, or even more likely wouldn't have entertained the request at all.

"No need to have a stick in your ass so early, Captain," you tease back, "and I'll have you know that your continued well-being is of utmost importance so I believe my call portrayed the exact right amount of urgency."

"And what is your concern with my well-being?" He asks, leaning against the counter with the air of someone with undeserved confidence.

"Well, and I don't know for sure as a [Tilaari/Kitalphan/fellow human], but I believe people need to eat to live and if you don't do that for long enough it's not good for you."

You gesture towards where the breakfast is already beginning to cool and raise your eyebrows suggestively.

"Do you think you need to take care of me?" Calderon sighs, though there's no defensiveness in his voice and he takes a seat.

Taking the seat next to him, you take his hand in yours and near force him to look you in the eyes. "It's not about thinking I need to, it's that I want to. You're someone important to me, and the rest of the crew, and you can't be the one sacrificing himself for others. We're in this together, ok?"

Calderon swallows the lump in his throat and nods, determined not to cry at such a small gesture. But in the back of his mind he thinks, when was the last time someone's done even something this small for him? Squeezing your hand, he releases it to grab the fork and take a bite, smiling at your anticipatory face for his reaction to the food.

"It's wonderful, (YN)."

DAMON

I imagine with Damon is less of you making him breakfast and rather making it together. We already know he can cook and bake pretty well, so I'd like to think he makes himself nice meals as a way to have something he can control. So when one morning you're both entering the kitchen at the same time, he quirks you a smile and asks, "You come here often?"

"Not as often as I probably should," You respond, reaching around him to open the fridge. When he sees you pouring yourself just a bowl of cereal he furrows his brows a bit and then sighs.

"Is that all you're having?"

"Um. Yeah? What, is there something else I should be eating?"

Damon pauses, an inscrutable look on his face, then sighs resignedly.

"You ever cook in that palace or did you have a personal chef to do it all the time?" He teases, but steps aside from the stove so you can see what he's doing.

"Uh....I never really made anything, but sometimes I'd sneak into the kitchens to get a midnight snack or extra food. I don't think that counts though."

Damon let's a breath out of his nose in laughter and says, "No, I wouldn't count that as cooking. But I know a thing or two about stealing food, too."

You swat his arm but feel a pit in your stomach. Was it pity, sympathy, or simply sadness that he had to experience such desolation? You shake the thoughts off and lean closer to him, either to see better or to simply get closer. The reason doesn't matter.

"So what are you making?" You look at a greased frying pan and a mixing bowl filled with what you think is a mixture of eggs, milk, and cinnamon.

"Well I was going to just make myself a plate of eggs and call it a day but I figured if I'm teaching you then I might as well make something nice. You ever have French toast?" He takes a...whisk? You weren't sure, like you'd said, you didn't have much experience with cooking. He hands the whisk to you and says, "Here. Mix until it's all one consistency. I'll let you know when you've gotten there."

You hold the side of the bowl and begin mixing like your life depends on it. Maybe it was your pride making up for the fact that you felt so inexperienced compared the rest of the crew. What you didn't know was that that would cause the mix to start spraying everywhere.

“Hey! ‘The hell you do that for?” Damon shouts in surprise as he gets egg and milk in his hair.

“I! Um! I thought you had to mix it really hard?” You say guiltily, setting the whisk down as gently as possible.

“What? No, these ingredients are mostly liquid! They’re just to soak the bread in!” He says, swiping his hands through his hair. When he sees your dejected look, he purses his lips and puts the whisk back in your hand.

“Here,” he puts his hand over yours, “We’ll mix together. See, nice and gentle, just with enough force to break the egg yolks.” You can feel the callouses on Damon’s hands as he holds one of yours stirring the whisk and the other is over your hand holding the bowl.

“Ok,” you say quietly, since his chest is pressed against your back, “and what next?”

“Well, we let the bread soak while we make some [coffee/tea/drink of choice].”

The rest of breakfast is made without any more spills, mostly you observing Damon but he does let you flip the toast in the skillet, laughing lightly at your surprise when the uncooked side begins to sizzle. When you’re finished and both sitting down to eat, you smile widely at him. You’re extremely grateful for his patience with you, and not just today. Adjusting to life as a not-so-ordinary person has certainly not been easy, but after his apology he’d been nothing but gentle, though he’d never admit it.

“Thank you for teaching me this, Damon. I hope you’ll let me learn more from you.”

“I, uh, it’s really no problem,” he says, pointedly looking at his plate as he picks at his food, “It’s nice to have someone to do this with anyways.”

BASH

Bash is another member of the crew known for his baking prowess, so I think he’d make something really nice once a week that he can eat off from for the rest. Like meal planning but for like an oatmeal bake lol.

He keeps his portions labeled neatly (well, not all that neatly but you can certainly tell they’re his from the doodles that accompany his name) in the fridge, and he has lots of fun mugs to drink from, one matching your own “I <3 Cursa” mug. This particular morning you can see steaming tea coming from a mug that has clip-art of tools on it and says, “Kiss The Mechanic” in bright pink lettering, and you know it has to be his, though you have no idea where he would have gotten it. There were a few very specific gift shops on Chrono, however, that seemed like they had something for everyone. You had to stop him from buying you a T-shirt covered in words that started out reading, “I have a kick-ass biomechanical boyfriend, and yes, he bought me this shirt.”

Since the tea in the mug was still hot, you knew that Bash had to be around somewhere, though he wasn’t currently in the kitchen. Knowing at that point his habits for breakfast, you took out one of his portions from the fridge and set it on the plate to microwave (? I have no clue what cooking would look like in the future).

While waiting for that to finish, you rummaged around in the fridge for something for yourself, finding some fresh fruit that Ryona had picked up on Chrono, with a note that said “for sharing but do not eat it all!!” and laughed. You knew for sure that even if she hadn’t labeled it, she would have made an exception for Bash. Taking the carton of fruit out of the fridge you, spoon some onto Bash’s oatmeal to give it some more flavor and set it on the table before making a bowl of fruit for yourself. You hear the doors swish open as Bash walks in, yawning. It takes him a moment to process that his food was already warm and waiting for him on the counter.

He looks at you and then back at his food. “Did you do this?” He asks, before picking it up to smell it.

“Um, yes? Don’t worry, I didn’t poison it.”

“Oh,” he starts, “Well, uh, thank you. How did you know that was what I wanted?”

“Bash, you eat the same thing every morning and the containers are covered in your name. Plus, while I may be sheltered, I know how to operate a microwave.”

He picks up his bowl and mug and takes a seat next to you. He then eyes the fruit in his bowl and the fruit in his. “Is this Ryona’s?”

“Yes, but she said she’d share. Do you not like it? I’m sorry I put some in without asking, I thought you’d like the extra flavor.”

“Oh! No no, I love it, I just, I don’t know. I’m not used to people caring for me. Sure, the crew cares about me but, I never had someone taking care of me growing up, and when I was under the care of the Archangels it was because I couldn’t take care of myself. It felt more like a debt I’ve yet to pay back. So I guess when it’s something small and out of the goodness of someone’s heart I just don’t really believe it. Not that I don’t believe you and your feelings! But, my brain doesn’t want to, you know?”

You smile at his ramblings, he always manages to make you smile.

“Sebastian,” you say with a fake stern voice, causing his eyes to widen, “I don’t just do this out of the goodness of my heart but the love in my heart. I pay attention to you and your habits and want to take care of you because I love you. It’s that simple, and I’ll keep doing it until you and your silly brain of yours believes it.”

He takes your hand and raises it to press a kiss to your palm.

“I love you too, (YN). I hope you’ll let me take care of you too.”

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tiaamorosa · 5 months

Text

Keon (Part 1)

Now there was this human magnet, lying on the bed in front of him... calm and breathing deeply. And again Javier could see the scars. Hardly noticeable, but they existed. And he wanted to know...what a scar like that felt like. But when he was about to touch him... "Don't... touch." The deep voice startled him and he withdrew his hand again.…

After Javier took his distance, the stranger sat up and looked down at himself. He realized that he was completely naked. Then he looked away from Javier. “You…didn’t have to… do that”/ “I’m sorry, I just didn’t want you to get sick. You were cold”/“Yes. But not anymore. I don't want to... be touched"/ "alright... your pants were broken, I'll give you something new to wear"/ "is it... safe here?"

Javier sat down slowly and carefully on the edge of the bed, with his back to him so as not to look directly at him, because he had the impression that he didn't want to. “Safe from whom?”/ “the hunters.”/ “The hunters? Were they after you?”/ “mhm…”/ “What did you do?”/ “I was… just hungry! Can I get something to wear now?”/ “Of course… Sorry”

Javier left the bedroom so that his guest could get dressed first. . After a few minutes he came out. Xavier smiled contentedly. “I guess I picked the right one, the top is too big for me anyway”/ “thanks. Keon…”/ “hm?”/ “My name is Keon. “/ “Keon… OK”/ “Is it safe here now?”/ “Well… There is a hunter here, but he only hunts rabbits and small deer”.

“There is game here?”/ “Yes, and there are strict rules about eating meat”/ “Why?”/ “If we did that every day, in no time there would be any wild animals left here and no meat either, Except the fish in the sea. We have to live sustainably here…"/ "then I'm in the wrong place here, I should have continued swimming"/ "why?"/ "If I tell you this, you and the others will be afraid of me"

“and… Why should we be afraid of you?”/ “because I’m different. And that's why they were around... Yesterday...hh, yesterday the rest of my entire family was wiped out. I am the last... And now an Alpha who is no longer safe anywhere"/"Alpha?".

"Many people think it's just fairy tales or myths, but we really exist...""/ "Who?"/ "have you ever heard of werewolves, Javier"/ "um, I've lived here since I was 6, but No one has ever told me anything about werewolves... What..."/ "We are creatures of the night. Every time there is a full moon... our bodies and our being change. We are then wolves just looking to eat. No matter what”/ “even… humans?”. Keon took a breath.

“No, only the real killers of our species do that. But fortunately there were very few of them. We eat exclusively game. And once a month it has to be something big. For the rest of the time we learned to survive on normal food. Fish is definitely a good option”/“Anything else could really be a problem…”.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

End of part one

#sims3 #simsstories #sims3 story #caracan #Keon Marlo #Javier Endres

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kingsansa · 2 years

Note

Hi! Now that the grenade is out of the way, if you please could you share something about IGF? Maybe one anecdote or something JS used to do or said to one another? I love those two idiots

The sought end goal of her original itinerary could be promptly summed up by her dress of choice—a powder blue silk shift that covers a little more than a quarter of her thigh with white lace along the hem of the cleavage.

It isn’t exactly underwear friendly.

That mere fact almost made her go with another outfit entirely, one that would appropriately mask the lingerie she bought for this exact moment—but she couldn’t find anything she liked. Anything she thought he would like. There was a robe she could wear with it, but it felt too dramatic, and her fiancé isn’t the type of person who appreciates fashionable dramatics. So here she is now, in her dress and only the underwear from the matching lily white set she bought earlier underneath.

Not that it ends up mattering in the end.

Oh, it worked just the way she wanted it to at first. Upon greeting him at the door, he actually flushed at the sight of her. From his neck to his cheeks. Of course, he tried to avert his eyes because he’s the type of man to do that sort of thing, but it didn’t last for long. He couldn’t keep his eyes off her, and it was exactly what she wanted.

It was all perfect for a grand total of two minutes before the smoke alarm went off.

The cookies she was baking for them were burnt, and as it turned out, the noodles in the pot congealed, and both dinner and dessert were ruined but at least her makeup wasn’t when she burst into tears.

Jon was very nice about the whole thing, though she’s sure it didn’t win her any points in the “I’m a properly functioning adult” nor the “Wife who can cook” department.” He succinctly mitigated the resulting damage and ordered pizza while she tossed the evidence of her failure out and cracked open the windows. He also rubbed her between her shoulders as she cried, his lips to her hairline, and that was really nice too.

Anyway, dinner arrived and she poured them matching glasses of Sancerre that he was polite enough not to inquire how she got. He had one glass and she had two. He pulled out his work as soon as he was done eating, which was extremely disappointing, because she was so sure that her dress would appropriately distract him and as a result, he would take it off.

Sansa has never had sex before.

She didn’t even realize that this might be something Jon might expect when he came over until yesterday, when she told Margaery that no, she couldn’t do the spa tomorrow because Jon was coming over and she still had to figure out what she was gonna make him for dinner. That prompted Margaery to ask if they had sex yet. Sansa didn’t lie fast enough and she drew her own conclusions. Margaery simply laughed and said, “Well I guess you will tomorrow so it doesn’t matter.”

But it wasn’t until she and Jeyne met for dinner later that night and Jeyne winced in agreement that she truly considered sex to be on the table. It made sense. He did invite himself over—but she just thought that was because he’d be too tired to go anywhere after work. The closer their date neared, the less Sansa was convinced of this. She decided she would prepare for it just in case.

It was a daunting prospect at first, no matter how many times she told herself that Jon was going to be her husband and that this was something that husbands and wives did. No matter how many times she told herself that she could do much worse. But curiously enough, it wasn’t until she opened the door and saw him that it devolved into something less intimidating. Maybe it was the way he blushed at the sight of her, or he way he kissed her cheek like he always did, or the way he held her as she cried—but she wasn’t as nervous as she was before.

After all, did she not like to be close to him? Her favorite parts of their nights out always occurred when they were touching. When his head touched hers so he could whisper something in her ear. When his hand found her waist before he told her he was ready to go. When she pretended to be drowsy so she could rest her head on his shoulder on the way home. And their hands—they fit together perfectly. Almost like puzzle pieces.

And she’s come to appreciate the way he looks, even if she wasn’t so sure how she felt about it before. Really, she finds him to be quite handsome. The fullness of his mouth, and the slash of his brows, and the way his hair curls just beneath the scruff of his jaw. And he isn’t so old.

And she knew he would be kind about it because he’s kind. Perhaps a bit abrupt and distant, but kind nonetheless. He’s gentle with her more often than he is not. At his very center, he’s good. It’s why his job is his job, because he’s not only good, but brave too. And isn’t that what her parents always wanted for her? Someone brave and gentle and strong?

It’s for all of these reasons and more that a fire began to kindle right behind her navel at his closeness on her couch, and felt like it was snuffed out the moment he took out his work.

But it wasn’t out for long. Apparently, her movie choice was right on the money: the extended version of the first Lord of the Rings movie, partly because he seemed like the type to enjoy an action and adventure type movie but mostly because it was long and it would give her plenty of time to pluck up the courage.

“Have you seen this before?“ He asked her, genuinely curious.

Very briefly because Jeyne’s dad was watching it once, but she fell asleep, and simply can’t be held responsible for not being able to recall the details. So she answered, “No. Have you?”

“Several times.” He answered. “I read the books.”

Why anyone would go and do that, Sansa didn’t know. But she was happy to find him glancing up at the movie between turning pages.

She kept asking him questions, which would inadvertently pull his attention back in. Questions like, how did they know the ring was in the Shire? Where are the elves going? Sauron and Saruman are different people? And her last question, genuine and self indulgent—Do Arwen and Aragorn end up together? I can’t finish this if they don’t end up together in the end.

To his credit, he answered all of them patiently albeit just a teeny bit exasperated until eventually, he just set his work to the side and leaned back so he could answer her to the fullest extent, practically in the form of an oral essay. But Sansa listened to every last word and scooted closer and closer to him until her knees were folded up underneath her and she was cuddled up beside him, head on his shoulder and her arms around his left arm with his hand in her lap.

But despite loving the movie, even Jon wasn’t immune to its length. He started to fall asleep right when Gimli found out his uncle or cousin or whoever was dead underneath the mountain. Now, Gandalf is dead and his breathing is very slow, but he’s not snoring yet. His head is on top of hers, and his hand is sideways between her knees.

Sansa would prefer to lay down. Even more, she would prefer to get in bed and lay so close to him that she felt like she was a tiny thing laying curled up inside of his chest, right next to his heart. And he would hold her and she would listen to his heartbeat all night long.

But she’s scared that if she asks him to come to bed, he’ll leave. A new line drawn in the sand beside him after she worked so hard to erase the last one.

So she’ll settle for this.

“Can we lay down?”

Jon gives a start at that, sleepily humming, “Hm?”

“My legs are cramped,” She whispers, glad her face is hidden. She can feel the blood rushing to her cheeks. “Can we lay down?”

Sansa feels him hesitate for a moment. She counts her heartbeats in between. One, two, three, four. It’s going super fast in her ears.

He clears his throat. “Yeah, sure. I just need to—”

She doesn’t even let him finish. Maybe a little to eagerly, she gets up to acquiesce him. He lays down, head on one of her throw pillows, legs stretched out on the couch, leaving them open just enough. He’s not wearing his work clothes. It’s so rare that she sees him outside of a pair of slacks, but she thinks that she really likes him in jeans.

She slips into that space between his legs, made just for her. She lays his head on her chest, ear up against his heart.

It’s beating fast. Just like hers.

His hand comes up to tentatively rest in her lower back as she inhales the scent of him, clean, heady, and familiar.

That night, Sansa learns that when her future husband snores, he does that quietly too, like he does everything else.

#ficlet #igf #this is a scene that has been in my mind since the conception of this fic almost #i love them

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purplesurveys · 1 year

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1605

What did you eat for lunch today? I’ve been eating nothing but New Year leftovers for the last two days - today, it was baked salmon and beef in truffle sauce. Would you rather vacation by a beach or a lake? Beach, only because I haven’t had many experiences with lakes and wouldn’t know what it’s like to live near one. But I like the sea anyway, so.

Have you watched any good horror/thriller movies lately? It’s not so ‘lately’ anymore but the last one I watched was Parasite, which I ended up loving a lot. The plot twist was impressively done.

How would you feel about traveling abroad alone? As exciting as it sounds it’s also a bit daunting, which is why I’ve always kind of backed out of doing it. I know that something will feel much less scary as soon as you try doing it, so idk why I haven’t done traveled by myself yet when I’ve wanted to do it for quite some time now – I even have too many bookmarks on my Airbnb at this point lol. I hope to finally try it at least once in 2023. What was the last thing you watched on TV? I’m currently half-watching the telepathy episode of Run BTS.

Do you know your blood type? Honestly, I keep forgetting what it is.

Yesterday, did you get up before 9am? Yes, I woke up at 7. I think my body clock is able to tell that I go back to work Wednesday lol.

How many times does the number ‘7’ occur in your phone number? It doesn’t.

What was your favorite board game as a child? I liked Scrabble (and Boggle even though I know it doesn’t count), but that’s it. I was never too big on board games.

Are you a coffee drinker? Yup, I always make a cup for work and I usually make it last the entire day; on weekends I have a cup both in the morning and evening.

When are you going on vacation again? This weekend we’re headed to Tanay for one last weekend trip before my dad has to leave again.

Who did you last have an alcoholic drink with? Just...me. I’m the only one in the family who drinks and I had some soju during NYE. But counting others, I had drinks with my aunts and uncles last Friday.

What are you going to do after this? I’ll be taking another one.

Who was the last person you were under the covers with? Does a platonic sleepover count? LOL Anj and I shared a blanket when I slept over a few months ago.

Has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes? Not that I can remember; they’re not really a strong suit. My eyelashes though always get pointed out because of how naturally long they are.

What did you do today? Dreamt about Kimi and woke up crying, watched a ton of wrestling for the first time in a while (the whole day, actually), took a couple of naps, played with the dogs; now that I’m settled for the evening all I plan to do is watch some Run BTS, take surveys, and maybe get started on the book that Kat gave me.

How is your hair? Uh, fine, I guess. I just showered so it feels healthy and bouncy rn.

Do you like to cuddle? Not so much if it isn’t with a significant other. I only like to cuddle with my dogs.

Name something great that happened today? While watching Wrestlemania 38 this morning I realized that the match I was watching was being officiated by a female referee. Idk how long WWE has been doing this but it felt really good :) and it helped me get into the match more.

How many different people of the opposite sex have you really cried over? Like, because of love? None. I’ve only ever cried from loss-related situations, like when my grandpa died or as a kid whenever we had to bring my dad to the airport.

When was the last time you saw your father? Around half an hour ago when I told him goodnight.

Have you ever passed out on the bathroom floor? Once.

Do you like your life as of now? Sure! I think I can be maximizing more opportunities that come my way, but otherwise I’m satisfied.

Who was the last person you hung out one-on-one with? Angela when we went Christmas shopping + had late lunch together.

Would you cry if you found out you were pregnant? No, but I would be very confused.

Last thing you drank? Coffee.

Did you kiss or hug anyone today? Just the dogs.

Do you tend to make relationships complicated? No.

Could you go a day without eating? I can, but it would be very uncomfortable and I know it would make me very grouchy.

Ever kissed anyone whose name starts with a M? Nopes.

Where did your last kiss take place? I think it was by my car or somewhere outside my house idk, it was over two years ago and something I’d rather forget.

Have you ever met any bands/band members before? Nah.

Do you use online banking? Do you have an app on your phone? Yeah, I use online payments almost exclusively now and can’t even remember the last time I withdrew cash. The Philippines is still largely a cash-basis country though - especially in the provinces!!! - so the habit bites me back in the ass occasionally because I keep forgetting to withdraw for out-of-town trips lol. My friends have most definitely had to cover for me more than once.

How old were you when you started buying your own clothes? Towards the end of high school and start of college. I was a late bloomer as I wasn’t really given the avenues to express myself when I was younger, so it took me a while to find my footing and figure out what I genuinely wanted to wear.

Who does most of the chores in your house? My mom, only because she likes stuff done a certain way.

What is your least favourite household chore? Folding clothes. It strains my back, but generally I also don’t like touching other people’s clothes even if at that point they’re all squeaky clean.

What was your first job? Did you like it? My first job is also my current one, although I’ve been promoted since then. As for liking it, I will say that I was definitely wide-eyed at first - as any fresh grad landing her first job would be - but I can’t be any more jaded at this point. It’s the people who make the job easier to stay in.

What was the last food you were craving? Did you get some? Baked sushi. Yup, I bought a party tray for media noche.

Has anyone ever seen you naked? Sure.

How do you get around? Car, bike, public transport? Car.

How often do you see your parents? I live with them so I see them as frequently as it could possibly get; but if we’re being more particular, I see my mom everyday and my dad for a few weeks every 4-5 months.

Do you own your cell phone or is it on a plan? It’s on a plan but it’ll be fully-paid by next month.

Where do you get most of your clothes? Just online shops I see here and there.

Do you remember how old you were when you first started using computers? I was 3 when my dad first introduced me to a PC, but it wasn’t until I was 10 and we had wifi installed when I started regularly using a laptop.

What is the first video game you remember playing? I liked playing a Need For Speed game on my dad’s aforementioned PC because he got a steering wheel/pedal simulator for it.

Have you ever dated a Josh? Nope.

Does your family do reunion gatherings? Not really, only during the holidays. We did have one non-holiday family reunion on my dad’s side in like 2018 but that hasn’t been repeated since.

What would you order to drink if you were in a bar right now? My usual, Long Island iced tea.

How old were you when you started to wear a bra, if ever? I must have been around 10 or 11.

Do you have any long-lost loves? No.

When was the last time you had a first kiss? That would be my actual first kiss eight years ago.

How many homes have you ever lived in? That I can remember, three. I know my mom and dad moved a couple of times with me when I was a newborn, though.

When was the last time you moved? When we moved into our current home 15 years ago.

Have you ever donated money to charity? Yes, usually to organizations or shelters that take in stray animals.

What’s your favourite type of exercise? I hate exercising; it’s always felt like a chore for me no matter how long I try to do it in the hopes of growing into the routine.

How many jobs have you had? Just the one.

When was the last time you dined at your favourite restaurant? The closest to being my favorite is Yabu, and I haven’t dined in there since like the end of 2021. I prefer getting food delivered.

What do you keep in your bedside table? A bunch of chargers and my lamp.

Have you ever given your number to someone? Not in that way, but yeah I have.

Do you have an ensuite bathroom? No.

What shoes do you wear the most? My Onitsuka Tiger shoes.

How old were you when you learned how to drive? My dad started giving me lessons when I was 17 so that I could be all ready to apply for a license as soon as I turned 18.

Have you ever been to a baby shower? What was the baby's name? I’ve never been. They weren’t all that popular before, but we’ve since caught on with the Western world so I imagine my friends would be hosting their own in a few years should they have their own kids.

What mode of transport did you take to high school? We had privately-operated school ‘buses’ which were really just either Hi Aces or L300s that can house 10-15 kids.

Name a personality trait of yours that you like. I like to put the needs of others before my own, oftentimes to my own discomfort but I’ve never minded.

Name something about your physical attraction that you dislike. I have hair that’s thick and grows fast, so shaving is something I have to do twice, thrice as much as the next person.

What's in your purse right now? I don’t have a purse, just my wallet. Right now it has all my important cards and my ticket to Seonho’s fanmeet this 22nd.

Do you vote in your country's elections? Of course. I don’t take that right lightly.

What was your first kiss like? It felt as adorable and innocent as any teenage kiss would be. Braces were in the mix so it had a bit of awkwardness, but otherwise it gave the butterflies-in-stomach sensation you’d read in teenage/YA novels.

Shuffle your music and skip twice. What song is playing? Eh my phone is too far at the moment and I don’t feel like crawling out of my blanket to check.

Have you ever been a freelancer? Nope.

What mood were you in when you woke up today? Surprised, because I realized I fell asleep at like 10 PM the night before lol.

What storey is your bedroom on? It’s on the second floor, as are all the bedrooms.

What gifts do you usually receive at Easter? I don’t receive anything during Easter; not really a tradition here to give gifts.

Do you use a planner to keep track of your life? Nah, the most I have is a to-do list/planner for work.

Who was the last person you sent an email to? It was one of the restaurants I bought from for media noche; they needed me to send an email with my proof of payment so they could proceed to processing my order.

Are there any posters in your bedroom? Not at the moment; we had everything taken off the walls when we repainted and renovated the entire place but I imagine I’d be putting stuff back up again soon.

What was your favourite fairytale as a kid? Didn’t really have any.

Is there anything in your freezer that you really need to get rid of? As far as I know, no.

Have you ever played Second Life? No, I’m not sure I even know what that is.

What do you like about the town or city you live in? It has all the features/attractions/amenities of Metro Manila without having to actually be in Metro Manila.

What do you dislike about the town or city you live in? The traffic at night is awful.

Are your parents good cooks? Yep; my mom isn’t a cook per se but she tries, and to me that’s enough to call her good. I can’t even touch the stove without freaking out lmao.

What's the first thing you notice about a person? Body language.

Have you ever been to a chiropractor? Did you like it? I haven’t.

What is your favourite museum? I’m biased towards social history so I find that I’ve enjoyed going through ancestral houses/museums the most.

Do you know anyone who is an actor? Not an actor, no; but I know a number of people working behind the camera in the film industry, mostly schoolmates because we have a film department in the college that I come from. They’ve worked as directors, assistant directors, producers, production assistants, cinematographers, DOPs, etc.

Have your wisdom teeth come through yet? I’ve since had two of them removed and I know at least one more is bound for extraction because my dentist already pointed it out lol.

How many weddings have you been to? A lot when I was younger; I can’t possibly count them all because I know I’d miss a few ones. I haven’t been to one since 2007 though.

Do you watch Youtube? What channels do you like? Yes. I watch so many BTS fan channels that make compilation videos of the boys; but I also enjoy informative ones like Vice Asia, Insider Business, National Geographic, and channels for entertainment like GMM, ODG, Try Guys, Jolly.

What's your alcohol of choice? Soju!

Have you ever used a public pay phone? I was born in the final leg of the era when they used to be prevalent, but I’ve never actually used one.

Which one item would you save from your burning house? Realistically, my phone.

Do you have a Twitter account? Yep.

What is your hair like right now? Kind of damp. Nothing else too significant about it.

How do you like your eggs cooked? Runny yolk plz.

What's the longest you've been without showering? Around 3 days during times when I’m feeling down in the dumps.

Name one of your guilty pleasure songs. I don’t think I have any. If I like a song I’m not usually the type to hide it lol.

Have you ever made an item of clothing? Nope.

What was the most expensive bill you paid within the last month? Not a bill but media noche dinner since I covered like 98% of the food we had.

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just-a-dumb-gay · 2 years

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I think I just found out why i crave validation online from strangers (like comments on fanfics). And why praise and compliments on something I done always make me so happy.

I rarely got rewards as a kid for doing good things. And Ive gotten even less as I've grown up.

TL;DR (because there's explanation and tangenting below the cut): I pretty much never get or have gotten praise or rewards or anything similar because I was doing things that I should be doing anyways because society perceives it all as normal and easy and it's only gotten worse as Ive gotten older. So now my achievements and cool stuff being acknowledged with genuine enthusiasm means the world.

SO GO GIVE POSITIVE VIBES TO YOUR FRIENDS, YOUR FAMILY, ESPECIALLY ANY KIDS IN YOUR LIFE, EVEN JUST A REALLY COOL STRANGER ONLINE!! IT MAKES SO MUCH MORE OF A DIFFERENCE THAN A LOT OF PEOPLE REALIZE!

Actual accomplishments? Nope. Perfect report cards (minus attendance because I'm not superhuman, I got sick like 99% of other kids. And just gym ew it was so boring) and endless praise during parents night (because gifted kid plus a pile of anxiety and autism that was scared to get in trouble).

Now I wanna specify I did get little things like some sweets or like a couple pounds as pocket money but that was 9/10 times for helping with chores or something that I didn't HAVE to help with. Those things I done because I wanted to help, and ngl a few of the tasks were fun so I wanted to do them without expecting anything in return. So just a quick side note but still somewhat relevant.

I should also specify since the adult Im closest to is my dad, his opinion and everything means way more tor me than it should.

I never even got a simple "I'm proud of you" from my dad (who has seen me every day minus like a month in total in my entire 18 years of living). And he taught me A LOT outside of school. Life skills, creative skills, problem solving skills. Even when I do good with all of that honestly I don't think he's ever said that to me even Once. Now I don't have it as bad as many many others because I would still get things like "Good job" or "Well done" but they were kinda half hearted and its still taken its toll on me. (Because even though others have something worse doesn't mean we're not allowed to have strong feelings about our personal situation)

I have an abundance of health issues and doing so many things has became extremely challenging for me. Yesterday, I went to my first medical appointment completely alone, and it was a dentist appointment and I have deppresso teeth so dentists are terrifying. When my dad got home from work I was telling him about it and everything and how happy I was it went well despite now having a temporary filling in a tooth Im most likely gonna lose. Yknow what his reaction was after I had tangented for like 10 minutes out of happiness then had to stop and take a breath? "Okay I'm gonna finish eating my dinner now" in his 'im pretending to joke yet I'm being serious' tone (which is a whole other issue). Like... dude... I managed to do my first bus journey, medical appointment and mild medical procedure completely 100% alone, 3 things that absolutely terrify me, AND YOU CARE MORE ABOUT YOUR FOOD?!

My partner said they were proud of me multiple times yesterday. My friend hyped me up and offered enthusiastic and entertaining support. Those 2 and 2 other friends (one I dont speak to quite as regular and another who ive been friends with for roughly 9 years and am super close to but we talk like 1 or 2 times a month) are always super supportive in their own individual ways and Im still not used to it, and I don't think I ever will be.

So I guess long tangent short. My accomplishments were always just treated as average things that were expected of me similar to just simply being at school on time. And anything I created usually had a flaw pointed out (not in a constructive criticism way, Im always open to constructive criticism) and the most that'd be said is "Looks good" or "Thats nice". So now praise and/or enthusiastic support (both are equal to me) for accomplishments mean the absolute world. And comments on fanfics or any other sort of positive acknowledgement of something I created makes me feel like what I done was actually a good use of my time.

I could say a lot more but I just need to rant for a bit, and this is probably gonna get like 3 notes max.

#neurodivergent #gifted kid burnout

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justtryingtobehappyc · 1 month

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What am I feeling right now? Well… A rampage of negative emotions I guess…

Today I feel awful, I feel like everything is going bad right now.

First of al is that I’m sick, like very sick. I mean, yesterday I had a 40ºC fever and I was feeling horrible, thank God with the medicine the doctor gave me I woke up so much better.

Second, I’m so stressed right now, I can’t even explain it. Not because I have many things to do, but because of everything I didn’t do.

Let’s explain my feelings in a bullet point format…

- I’m feeling like everything is going wrong for me. For example I applied for a program I was so excited about, and I didn’t think I was going to get accepted, but I did, I was accepted, and guess what? I didn’t even notice. I was checking my emails over and over again, and I didn’t notice that the email where I was accepted was already there, so I thought I wasn’t accepted, but when I finally realized I was, I also realized they had sent me a survey I had to answer I had to answer January 26 or something so they could send me the link for the monthly meetings, and it was already February and the first monthly meeting had already passed! I was so sad, but I still answered it and sent it. I mean, you never know, maybe it wasn’t too late… Anyways, I was very sad for I while but of course got over it, until today, when I finally realized that the links for the monthly meetings were actually sent to me every month, but I just didn’t notice because they were sent with another subject, so I thought it was publicity I guess, I don’t know I really never noticed until now, so now I I feel even worse because all these time I was not only accepted but also the link to the monthly meetings were sent to me so I could have entered every meeting. I just didn’t notice that the link were sent to me. I feel horrible. I feel discouraged. I feel like everything was going wrong with me. I feel so bad for always being so clueless.

- I’m also feeling horrible because, I study medicine, right? Well yesterday I got a horrible cold, as I mentioned in the beginning, and I did give myself I ibuprofen, but I didn’t think about giving myself antivirals such as oseltalmivir, which is what the doctor gave me, and I hate that my dad is always making jokes about, “Why can’t I medicate myself” or things like that. I feel like a horrible doctor. and a part of me knows I will get better either way time, but I don’t know… I’m just hating myself right now.

I hate myself, I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself.

- I also hate that I want to eat better eat healthier, but I don’t know how to cook, and for me to be able to try a new recipe I need to get ingredients, and is difficult because I live with my parents and they are the ones who buy everything, so they usually don’t want to get me like fruit and everything because they start saying like that, I don’t eat it and stupid things like that. I hate it.

- I also hate that I want to work or make my own money, but I don’t know how because I don’t know where to work. I’m studying medicine so I should probably get a job related to that but I don’t know where and I don’t know if I have the knowledge for it.

- Another thing you said, I want to do my residency outside my country, my dream was to make my residency in the US, but for that, I believe we need to have like research published and everything and I have nothing, because I don’t even know what to do research about. My other option is to go to Germany, but I have no idea how to apply there nor I know if my university is endorsed there. And of course, I only speak basic German, so that’s another point.

- I also feel horrible with my body. I feel like it doesn’t matter what I try, I can’t find a way to reduce my waist, and truly hate it. I hate that when I look at myself in the mirror, the only thing I see is a waist to big, a butt too small, boobs too small, and arms too tiny. I hate that I eat chocolate almost every day and I feel like I have no self-control. I hate feeling like a horrible fat person, even though I know I am not that fat, and that I do have a better body than most people, for me it is still not enough, I dislike it, I want a tinier waist, a bigger butt, a toned abdomen, bigger legs, more toned arms, and bigger boobs.

- I also hate that I have no self-discipline for anything

I hate myself

- I also hate that I believe I am not a good person and that I only think about myself

- I hate that the house looks dirty and messy

I hate myself

- I also hate that I let an opportunity pass for me to win a free subscription to something because I was procrastinating. The dynamic was that you had to answer each survey, you sent it, and you had the opportunity to win subscription, but I didn’t notice that the survey had to be made from April 22 to April 26 and when I was about to finish it, it was already April 28 so my opportunity passed and now I can’t win a free subscription. I am very angry and very sad that I always leave things for the last minute. I can never do anything right.

- I also hate that I never do the things. I tell myself I’m going to do.

I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself.

#diary entry #borderline thoughts #hating myself #dear diary #medical school #mental health

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