#ash and eiji deserve peace together

[andrewwtca]

Ash Lynx deserved better send post

#banana fish #ash lynx #the ending was a huge disservice to the entire narrative #I'm tired of pretending it's just me coping it genuinely was awful #points to my 'bananafish and banana fish' analysis #shoutout to the anime for correcting it #ash and eiji deserve peace together #peace and healing

[biggiedraws]

okay i said before that i didnt have a lot to say about banana fish but i lied. i have thoughts about the ending (spoilers ahead!)

because holy shit. like. ash deciding not to see eiji?? and eiji knowing that hes doing it for his own good, and trying and failing not to get his hopes up, and giving the letter to sing to deliver? and sing yelling at ash to go see eiji and ash still not budging? and then ash reads the letter and THATS what changes his mind, so he gets up and starts running and its all priming you for the dramatic reunion at the airport. something something love can overcome anything, happily ever after, the end, right?

but then ash gets stabbed. by someone who had obviously been tailing him and wasnt particularly skilled. someone who never shouldve been able to sneak up on him. and its such a forceful reminder that eiji is ashs weakness, which we've known from the start, but the danger was supposed to be over! it specifically waits for you to let your guard down, to really slam it home that everyone was RIGHT. that eiji makes ash let his guard down, and that it would one day get him killed.

and like. okay. we know this from very early on. the narrative is perfectly clear that what they have is doomed. that its going to cause a lot of pain for both of them and can never end happily. you want to believe that they can overcome it, that once the fighting is over they can be happy together, but the story keeps telling you over and over that this isnt going to go that way, no matter how much either of them want it. BUT. the point is that it was worth it anyway.

ash lowers his defenses around eiji, and thats a GOOD thing. being together puts them both in danger, but its better than being apart. to love is to be vulnerable, and having someone that you can trust, that you can let your guard down around, is something worth fighting for. worth losing everything for. worth DYING for. ash is CONSTANTLY presented with chances to fix everything if he can just let go of eiji. but he chooses eiji every time and even though it always makes his own life worse, his own burden heavier, he never once regrets it. theres nothing he wouldnt do to keep eiji safe. to keep eiji nearby. he sabotages his own allies to save him. he risks getting caught just to see him one more time. he drops everything for an opportunity at happily ever after and pays the ultimate price for it. but he NEVER EVER REGRETS IT. he dies because of his love for eiji and he does it with a smile on his face. and eiji goes back to his peaceful and happy life with tears in his eyes because hes doing it without ash.

i dunno. maybe im reading into it too much, or maybe this is an extremely surface level analysis and everyone got it the first time but me. but i just remember the first time i watched it, being so shaken by the ending. i thought they deserved a happy ending, and was hoping they would finally get it, but when it didnt happen i didnt feel betrayed or frustrated by it. just shaken. it felt like a really good ending, but i couldnt pinpoint why. because all i could think is that it seems so unfair to rip away their happy ending like that. and it took this second watch through to really figure out why it works.

also side note but. as much as i respect the asheiji shippers (because like. yeah. literally the most resonable ship ever) im really glad that its platonic in the show. they love each other very deeply, and thats what the show is about, but it doesnt HAVE to be romantic to be meaningful. and i like that! i can certainly see the shipping potential, and i can even see how it could be interpreted as queer-coded, but i also just like it as a story about friendship. its really nice. anyway 10/10 i love this show so much

#banana fish #bfish #its not often that i cry the second time watching something. especially if im being a bit more analytical the second time #but this fucking show got me again. god. that ending....... #anyway can you tell i wrote this at 3am and then edited it on 3 hours of sleep. i hope not bc i put a lot of effort into it but anyway

[vitos-ordination-song]

Ash as a human being simply isn’t ready for any kind of adult romantic relationship and he never got to the point where he was ready for one before he died and that’s another one of the tragedies of his life. It’s also why I find debating his sexuality to be pointless and insulting.

Ash gets attached to Eiji for many reasons. One of them is that he transfers feelings for other people he loses to Eiji: Griffin, Skip, Shorter. Eiji is the one who survives and is there for Ash to protect. He obviously identifies innocence with Eiji, perhaps even his own younger self (that plays out on a narrative level anyway). He sees in Eiji, “a normal life.” Not for himself, Ash can never quite believe that, but that it’s possible. That it could have been possible for himself. He has to keep Eiji safe at all costs to preserve that.

Eiji is also a refuge for him; the only person he can really truly let his guard down with. Who he can admit his feelings to. Who he can be comforted and soothed by. Relax with. I noticed watching the anime how much Ash broods over a sleeping Eiji—Ash basically never gets a full night’s sleep for the entirety of the story, clearly has a sleep disorder, but he wants Eiji to sleep as deeply and calmly as possible.

He has no desire to inflict his own plight on Eiji, unlike someone like Yut-Lung. Ash does at times feel misunderstood by Eiji or annoyed at his naivety, but he’s often remarkably kind and understanding to Eiji. When he isn’t, they usually work it out quickly, or else Eiji understands without being told.

Understanding and mutual care are the core of the Ash/Eiji relationship. Although this is a strong bond between boys, after having read the entire thing and thought about it, I wouldn’t call it a romantic relationship and I don’t want it to be one. I feel as though this was the best choice for the story. If I want BL I’ll go read one—they’re not hard to find.

The thing is too, and I feel like Yoshida got this, it’s not that Ash/Eiji couldn’t have been more of a romance. It’s that it wasn’t what Ash needed. Eiji was written, in the words of ppl who worked in BF, to be a “healing” character. He is highly empathetic. He feels the feelings that Ash himself is cut off from; I was struck by the scene in volume 2 where Eiji cries and says he couldn’t try to get information out of Ash for the police. Eiji felt Ash’s feelings intensely and expresses them openly. Ash can’t afford to do that. Although Eiji is Ash’s weakness in one way, he’s also exactly what Ash needs to find peace as a person. Eiji provides the unconditional love he never felt in childhood. Ash has been repeatedly dehumanized, misunderstood, mistreated, cast as a villain, victim blamed, you name it, and Eiji doesn’t do any of that, he sees Ash as someone who was wounded and deserves care. He sees the goodness in Ash. All of this is beautiful but it’s not yet the material for a romantic relationship.

It reminds me of Utena/Anthy in the show. Both of them are far away from being able to have an adult partnership. It’s important because really they’re connecting as children. They’re working through their wounds, their tendency to hide from the world. It takes a reboot for them to be ready for the real thing. I don’t know if I want to see an Adolescence style reboot of Banana Fish where Ash/Eiji start making out and end up together. Like Yoshida, maybe that feels wrong to me. Because that kind of relationship is lost to Ash… that’s part of the sadness. Yoshida ended the final volume of BF with a picture of Ash and Eiji in bed together, shirtless, but they never shared a bed in the manga itself. She could have played into more touchy BL tropes. It’s not like she’s afraid to write gays—she’s done it throughout her career. On the one hand, I feel as though Ash/Eiji staying platonic makes it beautiful, a connection of the soul, a desire to heal someone’s deep wounds. It’s where Ash can grieve his inner child. But he never gets to take that step into adulthood. It’s something he could have had, but didn’t.

[lyrainworld]

Asheiji HC (#1)

After coming to Japan with Eiji, living with him, Ash (now Aslan Jade Lobo) still struggles with himself, over that fact he doesn't deserve the happiness and peace after all he had done. 'Because he's broken, he can't change' he'd say.

Eiji doesn't agree with that. And to make a point, he changes all of their table porcelane (plates, cups etc) into those of kintsugi kind. Becuase kintsugi is a Japanese art of reusing broken pieces of porcelane and mending them with glue and golden powder. He makes a statement that broken doesn't mean useless (unchangeable), broken doesn't mean it can't be fixed (healed), broken doesn't mean it isn't beautiful (inside).

Ash seeing these porcelane, how beautiful it looks and how useful it is despite being broken before... It gave him some hope, and Eiji was there with him to support him in Ash's desire to change. Such a small thing, but it became Ash's reminder he really can start over and heal together with Eiji, in here, in Japan.

#ash x eiji #asheiji #banana fish #eiji x ash #Ash Lynx #Eiji Okumura #aslan jade callenreese #Headcanons time

[forever-lynx]

quick thing i wrote–

3:35am. the rain was pouring. majority of people were asleep, subjecting themselves to their dreams or reliving their worst nightmares. those who were awake most likely had unfinished tasks to complete. regardless, all these people had one thing in common: they were not soaking themselves in the rain.

except for a certain gang leader who was dancing with his raven haired boyfriend.

their clothes were soaked, their hair never to be dried. but they couldn’t care less about the weather; all they could focus on were themselves.

with their souls intertwined, they moved to the rhythm of the rain. neither were excellent dancers - they weren’t even good in the slightest - but that didn’t stop them from enjoying themselves; their smiles reached their eyes, their laughter echoing across the street. they deserved this moment.

months passed without a single rest. the blond gang leader had been too busy battling with former enemies. he had to be on high alert; he couldn’t afford to break down his walls, not even for a second. the raven haired photographer was not skilled in the art of fighting; he focused on recruiting new members.

ash lynx and eiji okumura. two opposites who had their lives forever clashed together, dancing in unison.

it was a sight to behold. an exquisite declaration of their love for each other. their movements displayed it all; how they loved, how they felt, how they only lived for each other. it was an intimate moment for the both of them.

4:15am. the rain was slowly coming to a stop. ash’s face was flooded with pools of his tears. happy tears. eiji was cupping ash’s face, wiping away the diamonds falling off the blond’s cheeks. eiji placed a soft kiss on ash’s forehead. ash hummed against eiji, his eyes closed. for once in his life he was at peace. they both were when they were with each other.

#not my best work 😅 give me some time i promise to do better #my fic #asheiji #ash lynx #eiji okumura #banana fish

[peachy-posy]

Pumpkin Pie

Note: So I finally finished up my first request! The request was for Halloween fluff/shenanigans, so this isn’t quite on the mark. I wanted to incorporate some seasonal fun into this, so it’s like a Halloween/Thanksgiving fluff thing. Fluff is decidedly hard for me to write, I’m much more used to angsty stuff. I hope you enjoy!

*******

Eiji walked down a quiet street with Ash, holding his hand as he told Ash about his day. The two had eaten dinner together at their favorite local restaurant, and were now walking home as the sun was setting.

“And I was really close to getting the perfect picture when someone just walked-” Eiji cut himself off feeling Ash’s grip on his hand get a bit tighter.

“Is something wrong, Ash?” Eiji asked, looking at their hands, then looked up at Ash.

Ash seemed a bit surprised that Eiji said something. “Oh, well, no, it’s nothing.”

Eiji stopped walking and frowned. He pulled his hand away. 

“You can’t trick me, Aslan. I know you too well these days,” Eiji said, crossing his arms.

Ash sighed. “Eiji, it’s nothing.”

Eiji made a disbelieving noise, and the two began to bicker in the street as Eiji tried to get whatever was bothering Ash out of him.

“Fine!” Ash relented, bringing their bickering to a halt. He looked away, then said, “I just don’t understand why people have pumpkins out at this time of year! I mean, for God’s sake, Halloween ended like two weeks ago!”

Eiji stared at the blonde for a moment with a blank expression, then started snickering. 

“This is why I didn’t want to tell you,” Ash grumbled.

“No, Ash, I’m sorry. Um,” he looked around the street to find which doorstep was the offender with the pumpkins out. His eyes eventually settled on a one, decorated with fall decor. Eiji was a bit confused by the decor at first as well, but then realized that an American couple lived in that particular home.

“Now, I know I don’t know much about the holidays you Americans celebrate, but isn’t it almost time for the eating one?” Eiji asked.

“Thanksgiving?” Ash asked with an eyebrow raised.

“Yes! That one. It’s probably a decoration for that holiday. I’m surprised that one bothers you, though! It’s not a jack-o-lantern,” Eiji said, glancing at the small pumpkins on the doorstep again.

“They’re all the same.”

“No, that’s a small pumpkin. Typically, when you want to cook with a pumpkin, you’d use one of…” Eiji trailed off, suddenly deep in thought.

“Eiji?” Ash asked, staring at him.

Eiji glanced around the street. It was pretty dark outside by now, and there was no one around. Completely ignoring Ash, he quietly and quickly sneaked towards the house that had the pumpkins out.

“Eiji! What are you doing?” Ash hissed, whisper-yelling.

Eiji made it to the porch, turned around to face Ash, and shushed him. He then grabbed one of the pumpkins. He then ran back to the street, walking ahead at a fast pace.

“Why did you do that?” Ash whisper-yelled as he got close.

“Because I got an idea!” Eiji responded, keeping Ash’s volume.

“So you stole a pumpkin?”

“They had so many! They won’t even notice if one is gone!”

“Go put it back! We don’t need it!”

“I need it!”

“What could you possibly need it for?”

Eiji looked at him. “I am breaking your fear of pumpkins tonight.”

***

Ash stared at the small pumpkin that was now sitting on their table in their apartment. It was like he was having a staring contest with it.

He had no idea what Eiji was planning, but he sure was busy. Ash couldn’t see Eiji, but he heard him making a fair amount of noise in the kitchen.

“Okay! Ash, come here with the pumpkin,” Eiji finally called. Ash sighed and very reluctantly grabbed the small pumpkin off of the table. When he got into the kitchen, he practically threw the small orange gourd on the counter. 

“Don’t abuse the pumpkin, Ash! We need it,” Eiji said.

Ash rolled his eyes. “For what?”

Eiji showed Ash his phone screen. Ash looked at it, then saw a recipe for a pumpkin pie pulled up.

“We’re going to make a pumpkin pie!”

Ash stared at the phone, then at Eiji. With an unimpressed voice, he asked, “Really?” 

Eiji punched his arm gently, not enough to cause any pain. “Yes, really! This is a cooking pumpkin, and it’s almost the American eating holiday.”

“Thanksgiving,” Ash supplied,

“Yes, Thanksgiving. I read online when we were in New York that pumpkin pie is popular for that holiday.”

“It is,” Ash said, thinking about the few Thanksgivings he had celebrated. Ash didn’t really celebrate holidays often, especially ones like Thanksgiving. That said, any time he did celebrate it, he would eat some of the pie.

“So we’re going to make a pumpkin pie together. Hopefully you’ll get more comfortable around pumpkins that way.”

Ash couldn’t help but start to laugh. Eiji’s confused expression made him laugh harder. He felt so lucky in that moment to have someone care about him this much. Honestly, who else would care so much about Ash overcoming his bizarre fear?

Once Ash started laughing, he hugged Eiji. “God, what did I do to deserve you?”

Eiji blushed, not expecting the interaction at all. Ash pulled away and smiled at how much Eiji was blushing.

“You look cute when you blush.”

“I’m not blushing!” Eiji said, pivoting around to get the ingredients out.

The two spent around two hours baking the pie. The recipe said it should only take one hour to bake, but Ash was basically a beginner in the kitchen, so Eiji made sure to go slowly to teach him. By the time they were finished, they were coated in flour and some of the other ingredients.

Eiji looked at their aprons (which he forced Ash to wear) and started laughing. “The recipe didn’t even call for that much flour, I don’t really know how this happened.” Ash laughed along with Eiji. Their laughter was cut short by the oven’s timer going off.

“Finally!” Ash said, watching Eiji as he put oven mitts on. Eiji removed the pie and sat it on their stove top, looking at it skeptically.

“I hope it tastes good, I’ve never made a pumpkin pie before,” Eiji said, still inspecting the pie.

“I wouldn’t have known this was your first one. The way you were bossing me around made you look like you were an expert,” Ash said in a teasing tone.

Eiji gently hit Ash on the arm again.

“If you’re so worried about the taste, let’s just go ahead and eat it,” Ash said.

“No, Ash! We have to let it cool first.”

Ash rolled his eyes. “That sounds like a made up rule that a mom tells their kids.”

“It’s not a made up rule,” Eiji said, setting a timer on his phone. “If we cut into it now, the filling will get messed up. We have to let it cool for thirty minutes at room temperature, then we put it in the fridge for a few hours.”

“A few hours?” Ash asked incredulously. “What’s the point of baking?”

Eiji shut him up with a kiss. Ash was surprised at first, but then quickly reciprocated, cupping Eiji’s face.

Eiji pulled away, smiling. He disentangled himself from Ash (much to Ash’s displeasure), and got settled on the couch.

“We can watch a movie to pass the time,” Eiji called, motioning for Ash to come sit with him.

Ash glanced at the time on his phone, noting how late it was. He walked over and sat on the couch.

“You’re going to fall asleep,” Ash said as Eiji pulled up a random movie.

“No I won’t.”

***

He did, in fact, fall asleep. Ash smiled as he watched the dark-haired boy peacefully inhale and exhale, resting on his chest with his eyes closed. He had his arm draped over Ash’s torso, as if he were giving him a hug. Ash had put the pie in the fridge when Eiji’s timer went off, and had been waiting for it to finish cooling.

It had been about two hours since then, so enough time had probably passed, right? He honestly had no idea. Eiji had made fun of Ash in the past for his lack of cooking and baking knowledge. How can you take apart a gun blindfolded, but not know how to make a grilled cheese?

Ash really wanted to try to pie tonight, but he decided they should probably go to bed. Ash started shifting, trying not to disturb Eiji too much.

Eiji tightened his grip on Ash when he started moving.

You are making this so ridiculously hard, Ash thought to himself. He finally resigned himself to gently pulling Eiji from sleep.

“Eiji? Wake up,” he said quietly.

Eiji’s eyes fluttered open for a moment, but he ultimately fell back asleep. Ash smiled, deciding to just carry the boy to their room.

Ash got up in a swift, fluid motion so that he would minimize disturbing Eiji. He then scooped him up into his arms, bridal style, and walked to the room. His heart all but melted when Eiji wrapped his arms around Ash’s neck in his sleep.

“So clingy tonight,” Ash said quietly as he put Eiji in bed. He crawled in quietly beside him, finding himself in a deep, peaceful sleep very quickly.

***

He woke up to Eiji nudging him.

“It’s time to get up, Ash!”

Ash blinked hard, trying to get the tiredness to leave his eyes. He then sat up.

Eiji smiled. “Finally. We didn’t try the pie last night.”

“That’s because someone fell asleep,” Ash said, rubbing his eyes.

“Well, that someone is awake now. Let’s eat some now.”

“It’s too early,” Ash said, looking at the time.

“Nonsense. Don’t Americans eat sugary things for breakfast anyway?” Eiji asked playfully.

Ash sighed as he was pulled out of bed by an overeager Eiji. The two walked into the kitchen, and Ash found a piece of pie waiting for him on the counter. He grabbed the plate, taking it to their table, and finally sat down to try a bite.

Eiji watched him eat closely, sitting down across from him.

“So? How is it?”

“It’s good,” Ash said, smiling. It reminded him of one of the Thanksgivings he had celebrated as a child with his older brother.

“Good!”

They sat in silence for a few moments, enjoying their pies at an absurdly early hour.

“So?” Eiji asked.

“So…?”

“How about your fear of pumpkins? Is it better?” Eiji asked.

Ash thought for a moment, picturing a pumpkin. The thought of a jack-o-lantern still freaked him out. He still pretty much knew he hated Halloween. At the same time, though, he thought about how much fun they had last night baking the pie.

“Well, they still freak me out, but I have a new memory to associate with them now,” Ash said, watching Eiji smile. “Now, when I think of pumpkins, I’ll think of the time that my crazy boyfriend sneaked onto an innocent American couples’ porch and stole one of their pumpkins.”

#banana fish #fluff #asheiji #i hope you like it!! #eiji is a pumpkin thief now

[emeraldeyes23]

Fictober/Fantober2020 - Day 17 - Dreams and Proposal - Part 1

This story contains two words, "dreams" and "proposal". For Tumblr I divided it into two chapters

"Happy birthday, Ash!", Eiji said before kissing him on the cheek. "It's a bit late to say that now. I would never be able to wake you up early enough for a sunrise, so I planned a little dinner to celebrate your birthday while watching the sunset. Isn't it beautiful here?" Eiji had prepared a little picnic at the beach for Ash's birthday. The day was perfect. The sun was shining, and there was only a soft breeze in the air. Ash always felt uncomfortable when Eiji planned too much for his birthday. To him, it still felt strange and new that someone would do so much for him just because he loved him. Still, Eiji saw that he enjoyed it in his shining eyes and his small smile. "It's perfect, Eiji. Thank you. But you don't have to put in that much effort, you know?" "I do it because I love you, and I want you to feel special. You deserve to be spoilt on your birthday. Ash, your birthday is probably not something you looked forward to in the past, right?" Ash nodded sadly at him. "See? I want to change that. I want to create some precious birthday memories you'll like to remember or look back on. Your birthday is worth celebrating because you're still alive, and you were reborn into another life. You were given a new chance in a new world where you're safe. And planning your birthday is my way to show you that I'm glad you've been born. That I've met you. I hope you'll enjoy your normal life here." "I do. It's just as you promised me. A life without violence and weapons. Quiet and peaceful. Sometimes I still think that it's too good to be true.", Ash admitted quietly. "This is what you deserve, Ash. It's the compensation for all your suffering in the past. I want to celebrate many more birthdays with you like that.", Eiji replied while leaning on his shoulder. Ash leaned on him as well. "I'd love that." They ate the little dinner Eiji had prepared and enjoyed the sun and the sound of the waves. Eiji loved how the wind played with Ash's hair and made his blonde strands dancing in the air and across his face. He always tried to remove them from his eyes, but they moved right back. He could watch him like that for hours. The sun reflected his bright green eyes and made them shine like emeralds. Since he had come here, Ash's eyes slowly had brightened more and more, and he saw his smile more often. It wasn't forced anymore like back in New York. It was genuine and lit up his whole face. He looked even more handsome if he smiled like that. Now, he had that dreamy look that Eiji had seen here in Izumo for the first time. He looked like that when he was reading a book or just daydreaming or enjoying the moment. It was a good sign because it meant that Ash was relaxed and happy. He wasn't paying attention to his surroundings anymore. It meant he felt safe here. Ash wasn't good with words, so he rarely used phrases like I love you or told him that he was happy. However, Eiji saw it in his posture, his behavior, his gestures. In the way, he bought his favorite cake on the way home or offered to cook something if he was tired. He hoped that they would spend the rest of their lives like that. Forever. So, Eiji had something else planned for this evening. Ash would probably be shocked, but that was fine. Eiji expected that reaction from him. But it would all work out, he was certain of it. Their souls were connected, after all. They ate the dessert, a chocolate cake from their favorite café, in comfortable silence before Eiji asked him something. "Do you have any wishes for your birthday? Anything you want to do?" "I don't need anything, Eiji. Except for you." Eiji smiled softly at that. "That's sweet. But don't you have dreams?", he asked him. "About the future? About us?" I never dared to dream, Eiji. You know why.", Ash replied, looking down at his hands. "But now you're safe here. You know that, right?", Eiji asked him, putting his hand on his. Ash looked up again and met his gaze.

"Yes. But I have everything, Eiji. Well, maybe a better job than the one at the café one day. But I have to improve my Japanese for that first. I'd like to work around books one day. That's my dream. In a library or a book store." "I'm sure you'll find a job you love one day.", Eiji smiled encouragingly at him. "Yes, I hope so, too. I'm perfectly happy here with you. I just want to stay by your side. That's all I need. I just want to fall asleep next to you every night." "I feel the same way, Ash. With you by my side, every day is a little brighter. I'm so glad I met you. I just want to spend the rest of my life with you." "But why did you ask me that? I feel as if that's one of the times where I have no clue where you're going with these questions. But I know you're not asking that out of the blue. There's a meaning behind it I don't understand yet." "You've improved. You can read between the lines now. There is a meaning behind it, you're right." When Ash looked at him in confusion and his eyebrows drew together, Eiji burst out laughing. "Ash, don't look so worried. Everything's fine." "I wanted to ask you something important. Something that will probably surprise you. Eiji rummaged through his bag, looking for a small square-shaped box. "The sun is just setting. Perfect timing. Look, isn't it beautiful?", he asked, pointing to the sky to distract Ash a little from the box he now held in his hand. He wanted to wait for the perfect moment. "It's so beautiful it's breathtaking.", Ash said while looking at the sparkling sea reflected by the setting sun. The sky was colored in so many different colors; it looked like a painting, from orange to pink to purple to light blue. Eiji put an arm around him. "I thought you'd like it. You told me once in New York that the sunrise and the sunset is the only thing worth seeing. So I thought doing this here at sunset would be perfect." "I remember that. I love it here in Izumo. It feels as if time moves more slowly here. I've always wished I could lead an ordinary life like this. I could imagine spending the rest of my life here with you." Then a frown crossed his features as he looked at him in utter bewilderment. "But what did you mean by doing this here?"

#banana fish #ash lynx #eiji okumura #anime #manga #ash x eiji #asheiji #banana fish anime #ash #eiji #fictober2020 #fantober 2020 #Dreams #future #Soul mates #Eiji has a plan #Ash doesn’t have a clue what Eiji is up to

[hooned]

i see you finished banana fish 0_0 *pats head* how are we doing?

lasyaaa!!! hiii, love!!! 💙 oh my god where do i start?? ok, first things first?? that hurted. that hurted so so bad. yet so so good. like,, ash as a character is simply so so complex and so so deep. where he came from, what happened to him and why he chose to do the things he's done. and like ... the kid's been through so much hell 🥺 i just wanna hug him. and hug him even tighter again ang again. 🥺 but he has eiji to do that. which brings me to my next point ... oh god their love for each other. 😔 i love how the show put emphasis as to how different both their worlds are ( i liked that bit where they showed eiji sleeping soundly on his bed while ash is out in the city literally fighting for his life; with guns and bloodshed all over ) and just. two very different lives and yet when they're together it's like having two peas in a pod. the smiles, the happiness. the only time ash allows himself to be a kid was when he was with eiji. in those brief moments he had with him, he tasted what it felt like to have true happiness. what he could have had if life isn't a bitch to him. and it's like eiji breathed life into the shell he excuses as a body 🥺 and he needed eiji just as much as eiji needed him. HE WAS LITERALLY VVV WILLING TO GIVE UP HIS OWN LIFE. PUTTING A GUN ON HIS OWN HEAD AND PULLING THE TRIGGER LIKE HOW YUT LUNG ORDERED HIM TO DO ( which was a test ofc ) BUT NONETHELESS HE WAS SO EAGER. WITH NO RESERVATIONS. HE WAS LIKE,, YEAH. I'D GIVE ALL THESE UP IF IT MEANS HAVING EIJI TO LIVE A LONG AND PEACEFUL LIFE. 😔 it breaks me dude. it really did. 💙 ash deserved better. they deserved better.

#💌 ask. #hourtohournotetonote118 #lasya #and that ending 😔 bruh. i thought they'd finally be happy!!! #i mean i knew there was something off ; something missing in the picture #BUT FOR A MOMENT THERE I REALLY THOUGHT THEY'D BE HAPPY #and then BAM!!! everything just falls down #ash 🥺 my son 😔 he ... he just wanted to see eiji fly again 😔 #i'm making myself cry!! again!! what the fooock!! #ok but yeah. banana fish gave me a really reaaally good cry. #angst level 10/10 #would recommend to friends just so their souls would get ripped out like how it did to me hehe 😉 #banana fish

[beecherie]

BANANA FISH SPOILERS!

just finished watching banana fish and I'm going to vent about it so SPOILER warning ahead. If you wanna know if I recommend this anime, yes I 100% fucking recommend it .

I've been crying for 3 hours non stop.... When I finished this anime, I think I stared at my screen with my hand clasped to my mouth and tears streaming down my face for a good solid 10 minutes, before breaking down into sobs. (Literally was chanting 'why' and 'no' like it was a mantra)

I don't think any anime has made me feel this bad, like, EVER. I loved the storyline, the characters, the music, they're all so fucking AMAZING, but damn is it all so fucking tragic..

Even if Ash and Eiji called one another 'true friends' something in you just know they're so much more than that.

And it fucking sucks because they never get to at least tell each other that they loved one another.

Maybe they already knew, who knows? If they had gone to Japan together, would have their relationship blossomed?

I've been thinking and thinking about it, and the song that keeps repeating in my head is 'The One that Got Away' by Katy Perry, sort of what Eiji would tell Ash.

“In another life, I would be your girl,

we'd keep all our promises, be us against the world,

In another life, I would make you stay,

So I don't have to say you were the one that got away,

The one that got away.”

Every time I think about it, I just start tearing up and sobbing again. And the fact that Eiji's last words to him were “go” absolutely breaks me.

And I know there's a lot of speculation about wether Ash really dies in the anime, but like, and this is JUST my opinion.

Even if the creator says that you can choose what you want to imagine ending in the anime, you can just... tell that he's gone.

No matter how much I tell myself “hey! maybe he DID survive!!”, I think somewhere deep down we all just, know.

I think Ash even in his last moments, was the most happiest and peaceful he's ever been, we all know he longed for some peace and quiet, and he finally got it, knowing that Eiji cared as much for him, as he did vice versa.

It's all very bittersweet and heartbreaking.

Overall the anime is fucking fantastic, but oh does it hurt me.

I've watched a lot of heart wrenching anime, but nothing can top how this one absolutely broke me.

It's so fucking hard for me to accept the ending, and I'm literally crying writing all of this because it hurts so fucking bad.

They deserved to be happy, and it's not fucking fair that they can't have their happy ending.

But yeah, at least now I can officially say with confidence when people ask me what's my favourite anime, because Banana Fish absolutely tops EVERYTHING I've ever watched. Great fucking show.

#thank you for coming to my tedtalk #e m p t i n e s s #i am. broken. #banana fish #im just in agony #fuck man #they deserved so much better #can i just pretend the ending never existed.

[sayaka19fan]

The point about my fandoms: an analysis

Shoukoku no Altair

Too slow for my taste. Wake me up when the war ends. I appreciate the tacticians' point of view but it is not enough to thrill me at any new chapter or raise my expectations.

Akatsuki no Yona

I am here for the family bond. The mean couple is cute and face normal teens communication problems that make me LOL a lot. I have adopted Zeno and want him to find peace in death. Lili bubbling about her crush with Soowon was one of the most hilarious moments in manga I have ever read. This is also the fandom that draw me in Tumblr: I needed a registration to make an ask.

Noragami

I like the shinki world. It is the most original part. I am not so fond of the theme of abuse: Yato taking breaks from his father from time to time, losing the very first person who showed him a different world isn't something unseen or not held better elsewhere. And I adore the drawing style: feminine, vigorous and dynamic, fitting to the story.

Natsume Yuujinchou

At the beginning it was simply a bittersweet story about an orphan with supernatural powers. Now sometimes I get the vibe that it is about mental illness masked as fantasy and I started reading it with a total different mood. And I am here for the mystery about Takashi's grandfather, of course!

Banana Fish

This is the first fandom I have joined when the actual work had already completed its run. The world without mobiles, when people used to read newspapers daily and destroying a roll of film was all you needed to make some photos disappear from this world feels nostalgic. The way it openly sides with the Left and made the politicians of the Right accomplices of the villains is familiar too. And, you know? The romance is the least interesting part to me because both Ash and Eiji come out from dysfunctional lives, their bond is exceptional as their lives is. I have never wished to "have it", like hell! their lives were doomed and they managed to feel love anyway, it was a titans work (kudos!) but I prefer mundane romance between "boring" people in the end.

Chihayafuru

I primarily care for Taichi and Kana-chan. To me it is OK if Chihaya and Taichi won't end up together. I don't think Chihaya deserves Taichi anyway. I feel like she will reject both of them. I just want to find out.

Skip Beat

I genuinely like Kyoko and her struggle with revenge. I hate the microscopic fronts sometimes used in the manga. The anime was one of these that really deserved a second season and never got one.

I am mildly interested in Pet, Vinland Saga, Yakusoku no Neverland, Ajin, Kingdom, FMA, Sailor Moon, Kuroko no Basket, Haikyuu!! Runway de Waratte.

My interest towards  Hōsekisho Richard-shi no Nazo Kantei (The Case Files of Jeweler Richard) is increasing beside the frustration of not being able to read the original story in its gradual development. Still, counts don't exist in England and all the mess about Richard's inheritance is unbelievable... Well, nothing is perfect! But it is enjoyable!

#noragami #akatsuki no yona #banana fish #vinland saga #kuroko no basket #hōsekisho richard shi no nazo kantei #Chihayafuru #skip beat! #haikyuu!! #Ajin #Kingdom #Pet 2020 #fullmetal alchemist #Sailor Moon #yakusoku no neverland #natsume yuujinchou #shoukoku no altair #runway de waratte

[thepairsblog]

The Fleet/Armada Challenge! made by fandomdeluxe  I captain these 10 Ships: (random order)  | part.2 / ∞

01- Yunlan x Shen Wei (guardian) 02- Sheith (voltron legendary defender) 03- Victuri (yuri on ice) 04- Ash x Eiji (banana fish) 05- Seibaru (tokyo babylon / x1999 / trc) 06- Wangji x Wuxian (mo dao zu shi) 07- Soukoku (bungou stray dogs) 08- Hyoga x Shun (saint seiya) 09- Mikototsu (k project) 10- Tsuzuki x Hisoka (yami no matsuei)

click on the images for more description caps.  

[[ RULES: Go over 10 anime shows (*) you love and pick up one favourite ship from each one. There is only 1 over arching rule. NO ONE is to give or receive hate about their ships. Pass it to at least 5 other blogs! ]]

(*) SORRY i cheated a bit here XD I tag: everyone who wants to do it.

#weilan #wangxian #sheith #ash x eiji #victuri #mikototsu #dazai x chuuya #seibaru #tsuzuki x hisoka #hyoga x shun #guardian #mo dao zu shi #the untamed #voltron #banana fish #yami no matsuei #wangji x wuxian #red king x red queen #fandomdeluxe #zhao yun lan x shen wei

[peacesmovingcabaret]

Since I’m a coward and a weak ass bitch, I’m just gonna completely ignore the ending of Banana Fish, and instead create my own fantasy where Ash and Eiji run off to Japan together, get married and Ash finally gets some god damn peace and happiness he fucking deserves.

Because WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?!!!!

#banana fish #ash lynx #eiji okumura #asheiji #i literally just died watching that

[imagine-fight-write]

Random - why I like Banana Fish

Of course, I’m not done reading it yet. . .

Because time & $ are not my friends. 

(I like to support authors by buying their work whenever possible.)

Also, I hate ending series, so I sometimes just hold off on reading the last volume & just re-read the rest. Yes, I’m strange.

To sum, I like adore Banana Fish because of the numerous bad people in it are so satisfying to hate (most don’t even have names!).

And I really, really, want Ash & Eiji & everyone on their side to win/escape and have a good life. Because they deserve it.

Especially Ash Lynx.

Banana Fish has also taught me an essential life lesson in how to creep people out.

(As you can read in the latter half of Vol. 5 of the manga.)

It’s very simple.

When someone is the same room as you, or when you’re talking about them, refer to them in the 3rd person.

For example, brought to you by one of the most awful people in existence (to put it mildly, words can’t contain how much I hate this man & want him to suffer), Dino Golzine.

*Just obligated to put those 2 pictures together. *

I can’t even refer to him simply as Dino, because I know a wonderful person by that name & I refuse to associate the 2 together.

Have I mentioned how much I hate Dino Golzine?

Golzine says to Ash Lynx, while Ash is in the same room as him,

“I always meant to take you to England”

“I was always going to make you my heir, but . . .“

A.K.A., talk as if they’re already dead, even if they’re alive and breathing right in front of you.

And also because the main characters, Ash & Eiji & their friends, fight so hard against such powerful enemies.

I just want them to be happy. Smile. Love life.

They deserve it.

Ash deserves to be a normal kid & goof around with Eiji.

Also, have you seen how gorgeous Ash is, and how cute Eiji is?

(Ash is the blonde, Eiji is the black-haired / Japanese one)

 Ah, my heart.

Although, talking about Ash’s looks makes me always wince, because - on the one hand, I can’t help but notice, but on the other -

this anime/manga is really dark, everyone. It’s got wonderful action and humor and plot, but it is also grim. Not for the faint of heart.

There is a reason why Ash hates/refuses to let anyone take pictures of him. A very good reason.

Wince.

But, going back to wonderfulness, don’t get me started on the best adopted-dads of anime, Max & Ibe. The dads Ash & Eiji deserve (though I’m sure Eiji’s parents were wonderful, considering how he turned out.)

Yes, there’s a whole dramatic event where everyone is forced to wear tuxes, and the good looking everyone (except Dino Golzine & Arthur) is the only thing that saves you during the sheer everything that goes down. 

Also, there’s a wonderful line about a bazooka.

Did I mention Banana Fish is a shojo, and it was really popular?

.

Banana Fish, by the way, is an anomaly for me. Usually, I read fantasy series like One Piece, Attack on Titan, Pandora Hearts, Yona of the Dawn, or Basara. Some of them have historical elements, such as AoT or Basara, but they’re all fantasy.

The closest I’ve come to slice of life is Fruits Basket & Kimi Ni Todoki.

Anyway, this is going to sound strange, but one of the reasons why I like Banana Fish so much is

There are

so many

people

I hate

in it.

I mean, so many.

It’s hard to keep track.

They really aren’t named at all.

 They’re just “Thug #1″ or “Smart Thug Sunglasses Guy” or “That Cop Guy who does have a name I can’t remember who was a complete monster to Ash & needs to learn not to trigger PTSD victims.”

And I hate  “Smart Thug Sunglasses Guy” with a fiery burning passion.

By "burning passion” I mean, I could watch them burn in a fire - slowly - and not feel a wit of guilt about their dying screams. And no, I wouldn’t go try to save them either.

Because they’re awful people.

I’m not using the word “hate” here lightly.

And of course, there’s also Dino Golzine, the *mob boss & kingpin of Banana Fish. 

Who I also hate with a burning passion.

Note, I think Volume 5 of the manga translates the line better, 

“I am Dino Golzine . . . the master of your friend . . . Ash Lynx.”

I really, really want to write a story with a similar set-up, where the MC has a friend who they find out is connected and controlled by the worst person, “I’m the master of your friend” and they help their friend get free. I’m thinking it’ll involve a magic spell, a curse, or a contract.

Anyway, Golzine also looks hella lot more sinister & just dominates the room whenever he’s around in the manga.

I mean, Dino Golzine is the sort of man who talks about another person in the 3rd person (as if they’re not there / or dead) while they’re in the same room as him. And still alive.

Yes, it’s creepy.

Anyway, having him and “Smart Sunglasses Thug” in Banana Fish make me want to keep reading and watch them get their just deserts. Or rather, force-fed spinach, because they don’t deserve dessert.

(Have I mentioned how much I hate these guys?)

But there’s more! Having villains who are fun to hate aside,

I also want Ash & Eiji and everyone they’re friends with to find happiness and peace and really live, instead of just survive.

I care about them. They fight so hard.

And that’s enough for me.

*Are kingpin & mob boss essentially the same thing? 

Or is a “kingpin” essentially the king version of mob boss?

#random #banana fish #writing #writing inspiration #creepy #cute #think about it #funny #anime #manga #ash lynx #eiji #Fruits Basket #heart

[victuurikatsu]

Things that must have happened when Ash goes to Japan, Part 2

Ash gets scolded for not taking off his shoes before entering the house. He tells Eiji he’s used to having them on because what happens if he needs to run away? Eiji tells him he doesn’t need to worry about that anymore.

Eiji cracks down on teaching Ash more Japanese. Ash is able to formulate basic greetings and questions after week 1.

Ash asks Eiji why he hasn’t taught him more phrases for leaving/being dismissed/farewells, Eiji takes a while to open up to him about why.

When Ash learns why, he hugs Eiji for what feels like centuries before telling him, “Now that I’m here in Japan, I’ll never have to say that again, I promise.”

Ash feels peace, actual peace for the first time in forever. The warmth and happiness that fills him each day feels like a gift that he constantly wishes he deserves.

Eiji lightly squeezing him on the shoulder to get him to focus wherever they are centers him and he allows this happiness to consume him.

Eiji wasn’t kidding about Ash being able to land a modeling gig, however Ash won’t work with anyone who isn’t Eiji.

On Valentine’s Day Eiji’s sister and her friends bombard Ash with chocolates. Confused, he just says thank you and devours them in one sitting. They’re still wildly smitten for him.

When he learns about the tradition, he asks Ibe what kind of chocolate Eiji likes. He makes it from scratch and puts it together with the new manga he knows Eiji has been dying to read.

Eiji drags Ash around to many local festivals, capturing his first moments experiencing the new activities.

His favorite one is the cherry blossom one, nothing is softer than Ash’s expression looking at the petals ebbing and flowing down.

They enjoy bento lunches together, Ash’s filled with weiners, grateful for this life they share together.

#banana fish #ash lynx #aslan jade callenreese #okumura eiji #asheiji #ash x eiji #banana fish drabbles #banana fish headcanon #supplementing my pain once again from THAT ending #banana fish spoilers

[solcomfortssouls]

Banan Fish Ending

+Spoilers for Garden of Light. Thoughts about the characters and their journeys. 

Ash’s greatest fear was that he has become a monster by surving all the abuse and managing to free himself from Dino. The fact that many characters tend to compare him to a devil/wild beast/cat isn’t helping (and the origins are already there in his childhood story with the pumpkins where he frightened himself). That’s why Eiji seeing him for a human he was, accepting all the good, bad and broken and loving him after it all, was so incredibly important and precious to Ash - to the point that he felt lucky and happy about that little time he had with Eiji and it even brought him peace in his death.

Ash deserved a future after all that pain he want through. He could have started a new life after Dino was killed, go to university and have a real job like Eiji, realizing his abilities and talents to their full potential for something meaningful and better then gang wars and violence.

In a way it was a questionable move from the author to kill Ash just because she didn’t know what to do with Ash’s life after he killed so many people. Well Ash’s kills were justified since he was doing them in self-defense (although there was a bit of a difference in attitude between Ash and Sing - but hell even Yut-Lung got his redemption and Sing took over the Chinese syndicate and still went to university and had a nice life - so why couldn’t Ash?)

Sing had it maybe even worse then Eiji after Ash’s death because he didn’t just know and care about Ash but also knew and loved Lao as his older brother. He was feeling double grief, was conflicted about Ash dying by his beloved brother’s hand and even felt guilty about it and tried to compensate for it to Eiji.

Lao wasn’t completely unjustified in his hatred towards Ash. From the outside Ash seems like this incredible, unnaturally powerful guy with sometimes questionable acts of heartless brutality. He doesn’t seem human to other characters from the outside and he doesn’t exactly work on any alliances. Plus there was the whole mess with Shorter’s death that Lao couldn’t forgive (and that was kind of pointless to keep secret after Dino’s death and destruction of Banan Fish drug). Final deciding factor is in my opinion that Lao actually believed this was the only way to save Sing from being killed by Ash in their planned duel - which Lao didn’t know was cancelled since he left the gang before that. Not liking Ash would be okay if Lao didn’t go after him because of it - which I don’t think he would if there wasn’t the issue with Sing’s unavoidable death in the duel.

Eiji’s role and development in the story wasn’t to become a skilled fighter like Ash - it was to stay true to his good heart, empathy and pureness. He was able to sense other people’s pain and soothe them and he could make friends with many people in the series that have helped him to help Ash when it was beyond his abilities. And that’s okay since Eiji was a normal teenage kid and it isn’t fair to compare him to Sing, Cain or Alex but only to himself at the beginning and at the end.

In the end Eiji is the tragic survivor having lost his soul mate. But he came to peace with that grief and it didn’t break him so irreparably that he wouldn’t be able to have a proper life or experience happiness and connect with others. Which is exactly what Ash would have wanted for him.

Eiji is able to deal with that impossible loss by gaining more perspective over time and is able look at it positively by appreciating he met Ash at all (just like Ash treasured the time he had with Eiji and was willing to sacriface everything for that bond and still felt happy to have it)

It’s comforting that Ash is remebered in a good way after such violent short life by people like Eiji, Sing and Max’s family. In a way Eiji is keeping parts of Ash alive in his memories and with Ash’s pictures.

Lastly Eiji wasn’t able to save Ash from his life and Ash wasn’t able to change because of Eiji. Their time together was short and one could cynically say it was pointless, since it didn’t amount to anything. But that’s not true.

Eiji never regreted meeting Ash despite the pain it brough him and the way it influenced his life. He didn’t save Ash, but he did bring him relief, understanding and comfort.

Ash himself treasured every moment and considered himself infinetly lucky to experinece unconditional love from Eiji - at least from someone in his miserable life. Eiji saw him for the person he was, accepted him and loved him. And Ash might have survived, had he not chosen love over hate, because in his world love meant weakness - and had Ash not loved Eiji he could never have been caught off guard long enough to be killed. But for Ash, it was better to be destroyed by love then live a long powerful life without it.

Even though the anime version doesn't exactly justify the way Ash died, (I still think it felt forced, melodramatic and inconsistent with the whole series - which kind of ruined the emotional poignancy for me), the message itself about fighting for love and freedom in a very cruel part of the world came across just fine. Banana Fish is a complex, meaningful if not flawless story that raises some intriguing points and a represents a valuable addition to modern anime.

#banana fish #ash lynx #eiji okumura #banana fish ending #analysis #ending #sing soo ling #lao

[weakeninghope]

Strength

Pairing: Ash Lynx/Eiji Okumura

Rating: Teen

AO3 link here

Summary:    Ash had heard a thousand times that Eiji was his one and only weakness, and he had eventually believed it. But what if that was a lie?

Notes:  Soooooo I wasn't planning to write anything before a long oneshot I'm planning (you guys will get tired of seeing me here) but today's episode wrecked me because seeing the leopard stuff animated and seeing how much Eiji cares for Ash made me sad... and well, I wanted to write self-indulgent fluff because my soft boys deserve to love each other and mostly, Ash deserves to love himself. Forgive me if this was too OOC, but I wanted to make it reaaaaaaally fluffy ;;As always, I'm @weakeninghope on tumblr! you can contact me if you want to scream about BF and Asheiji ;;Thanks for reading and please tell me what you think about this! <3

Fic under the cut ~

Two years had passed since Eiji was forcefully brought to Ash’s violent world. Two years had passed since they met, since they first felt that they would be connected to each other, forever. A lot had been going on between them; they had spent time apart, Ash tried to send Eiji off to Japan a few times because he knew he would be safer there, but deep inside, even if Blanca was right and he wanted Eiji to “assuage his own feelings of loneliness” he didn’t want to give in to his life. He had already suffered enough, so when he read Eiji’s letter, he ran to the airport and could see Eiji one last time before the plain took off.

 If everybody at the airport looked at his disheveled hair, at his panting mess and his out-loud cries of promising that they would be together again, Ash didn’t give a flying fuck.

 It took Ash a month to clear the mess he was in thanks to that geezer Dino, who was now dead. It’s funny, Ash thought, his lifelong goal ever since he met Dino was to destroy him, and now that he was dead, Ash felt relieved (partly because of that, too), but for a whole different reason. Eiji was there. The Japanese had been used by many people since it was evident (to everyone but to Ash) that he was Ash Lynx’s only weakness, but Eiji had a few things to say about that.

 When Ash got to Japan one morning, he remembered that in Japan people say “good morning” like “ohio goes eye muss” or something like that, so he tried. Eiji’s sister was the one who opened the door that day, and she just looked at him from head to toes, then shut the door, started fangirling in Japanese about him (Ash deduced by picking up the word “American”) and then returned to opening the door, prompting him to enter. Eiji’s parents weren’t there and wouldn’t return home until late night, and Ash knew there would be a lot to explain.

 Ash stepped inside the Okumura’s house; the living room was modest, kind of tiny if you were to compare it with the condo he lived in with Eiji. However, the place was really welcoming and familiar. For a moment, Ash imagined himself there with Eiji, having breakfast in that small kitchen table, watching him eating his gross natto… and then he had to shake those thoughts out of his head because… what if Eiji was angry at him? He had seen his true self, after all.

 But Eiji was never angry at him, and could never be. Ash was slowly pacing the living room, as in searching for something dangerous, (old habits die hard), when he suddenly heard a loud stomp of feet coming down the stairs that were right next to where he was.

 Eiji did nothing but to straight out throw himself at him. That time, Ash didn’t wince because of the pain, but returned the hug, burying his head in Eiji’s soft, black hair. Eiji was running soothing circles across his back.

 “Eiji-“

 “Shhh. We can talk upstairs, at my room. Now let me, let you have this.” Eiji shushed. Ash had noticed that Eiji’s English had gotten increasingly better since the last time he talked to him. Did this mean that he had been studying English while he was gone? Did this mean that when he said he’d wait for him forever… it was true?

 It was. He was going to let himself have this.

 “Okay” Ash replied in a soothing demeanor, bringing Eiji’s body closer to his and breathing his scent. Ash was used to the scent of danger, gunpowder and death, but Eiji smelled like fresh lemons. Maybe it was his shampoo?

 They hugged for a few minutes, Eiji’s sister staring behind the kitchen counter, but they didn’t realize it, or rather they didn’t want to realize, because this moment was theirs and theirs alone.

 After that, Eiji guided Ash to his room. In effect, as Ash had predicted, there were English textbooks in Eiji’s desk, along with his camera, and a framed picture of the both, together. Ash’s heart started beating faster. In the middle of the room there was a futon, because apparently Japanese people thought sleeping on the floor was a good idea.

 “You can leave your stuff beneath the bed.” Eiji told him, softly.

 “I don’t have any stuff, just brought my wallet. I didn’t have any time to pack stuff.” Ash stated, staring at the ground. Or I was just so excited to see you again and to… start over again with you trying to forget what I wanted to leave behind.

 Because I can change my fate.

 “Okay, then.” Eiji answered. “How about we lay down at the futon and talk a little bit, if you feel like it?” Eiji answered with a warm smile on his face.

 “That would be nice.” Ash answered.

 When they lay together on Eiji’s futon, they were pretty distanced at first, no one dared to get close to the other, so Eiji brought a hesitant hand to Ash, which the latter clasped immediately. He wasn’t afraid of Eiji’s touch.

 They weren’t in different world anymore.

 “I have been thinking, Eiji. About your letter. About… what you said. I want to change my fate.” Ash declared, a serious tone lacing his voice, even though it came a bit shaky in the end.

 Eiji squeezed his hand, prompting him to go on.

 “I’ve also realized something… during all the time we were together, awful things happened to you because apparently, you were my weakness… but I don’t think so anymore. You are my strength. You’ve made me strong and you make me strong. I had already pictured myself as the frozen leopard, unable to escape; but you gave me a chance. You accepted me… despite the…” Ash paused his speech, tears were welling up in his eyes.

 Eiji turned to face Ash and wiped them off his face.

 “You were strong before you met me, Ash. You have always been, and you have never been scary for me. In fact, as I spent more time with you, I realized how much I loved you, and we were apart, I realized how much I missed you. I’ve been waiting for you, because I know I’m not able to let you go, and maybe that’s a problem” Eiji chuckled “Because you’re stuck with me and my breakfasts forever” Eiji finished, bringing his free hand to Ash’s face.

 “I can make an effort if you stop laughing at me about the pumpkins.”

 “Only if you don’t ever talk about moths.”

 “That’s a deal, then.”

 The fact that they only had to worry about their quirky phobias was… refreshing. Their careless laugh filled the air as they got even closer. It was the most pleasant thing Ash had experienced in a lot of time.

 “I’ve missed you, Ash.” Eiji said.

 “I’ve missed you too, Eiji” Ash answered

 “I love you, Ash” Eiji confessed, even though it wasn’t a confession. Eiji had confessed his love for Ash in a lot of ways. And he would keep showing him how much he loved him, because if Ash woke up every night after a nightmare, Eiji would be there to hold his hand.

 Because he was glad that Ash had finally the chance to start over again. Because he wasn’t frozen anymore. He could walk his own path towards peace.

 And his path was alongside Eiji, the love of his life, and so vowed Ash with a chaste peck on Eiji’s lips.

 “I love you, Eiji.” Ash declared, smiling fondly.

 He was going to let himself have this. His life was starting again, and the more he felt Eiji’s light caresses on his face and hands and stared at his beautiful, dazzling expression, the more convinced he was.

 Eiji was his strength.

#asheiji #banana fish #bananafish #mywriting #blosswrites #fanfic #ash lynx #eiji okumura #the fluff we all wanted #okay mostly me but anyway