#body dysphoria talk. you dont have to read.

[nukenai]

the things that hurt are surprising sometimes

stuff like the mods in book of boba fett being regarded by so many people are stupid characters when i really related to them

stuff like “if you had robot parts, in real life capitalism would ruin it forever because blah blah”

stuff like “your own personal wishes for your body bc of a complex psychological condition are offensive to real life people with completely different conditions”

the general idea that if a part of your body is not made of flesh that you have less humanity.

stuff like “you have to accept all your problems as part of you and your identity, and being negative against them goes against being body positive, which offends other people for some reason”

i just. i’m sorry, i’m not positive about my body! i hate it and it feels wrong and i want to fix it. I wish i could delete my disabilities and i don’t like them and wish i did not have them. I wish i didn’t have chronic fatigue or a spinal deformity or a fucked up hip from said spinal deformity. I wish I didn’t get headaches if i don’t wear my glasses for 10 minutes. I wish I didn’t feel trapped in a body I am utterly repulsed by in every way! it’d be nice if some therapist could help me learn “actually your body is beautiful and you should love yourself the way you are”, but... I kind of don’t want to! i don’t want to be in pain and disgusting and repulsed by myself all the time. I don’t think any amount of someone else telling me my body is good because it’s mine can help.

90% of the time i’m ok and can deal with it if i just don’t look at myself for very long but this has been a week of nightmares for me. i cope with it through my fanfics and through some music. but then i go online and see discussions of how my personal psychological condition, and the treatment for it I wish i could get, is somehow degrading to other people who have a completely different fucking problem than me.

and i don’t know if this has a name! i’ve tried researching a ton. “body integrity identity disorder”... no, I don’t want to just remove my limbs because I feel like they shouldn’t be there. They’re just THE WRONG ONES and I DO NOT LIKE THEM. Really it’s my whole body but it’s like, I’d settle for limbs, you know?? I’m fine with settling I’ve done it all my life.

And it has nothing to do with anyone else! I think if someone thinks their body is beautiful no matter what it is looks like, and their illnesses and conditions are part of themselves, that’s admirable and great for them. This is not about them because it’s about ME and how I cannot get there. Like, how could I talk to a therapist about this? The treatment for it is defeating the negative thoughts. To come to accept myself, maybe not be positive but to just be like “eh, this is alright”. Which is where I’m at a lot of the time, but it doesn’t make the problem go away. And I also don’t feel like any actual mental health professional would believe my problem is real. When I can’t even find any explanation of it or another person who feels like this on the whole internet? When I’ve tried researching for years and have only found recognized conditions vaguely in the same general idea as how I’m feeling?

To me it feels like the treatment for this would be someone showing me a red piece of paper, and telling me it’s blue until I believe it’s blue. Even if I’m saying “fine, I guess it’s blue, and I can live with that”. but it’s just NOT BLUE and I DON’T BELIEVE THAT and the only way it can actually be blue is if you paint it! Sure maybe it’ll be red underneath still. Maybe parts of the blue paint will chip off and you can see a tiny bit of red. But you’d still go “oh, that’s blue”, and actually mean it.

and I see things like “it’s the abled people who want different limbs/enhancements bc they don’t actually life with the issues” or whatever. But am I really in that category if I feel agonized suffering every day?? if I sometimes even see my own hands and want to throw up bc I find them so awful, if i wear long sleeves in 90 degree weather bc I just can’t look at parts of my body. If today, well, I guess I’m avoiding mirrors, and if I wear leggings under this skirt I can pretend. because there’s no real fix for me.

I’d just like a name for what’s wrong with me so maybe I could feel like I’m not the only person on the planet who’s ever felt like this.

but then again. someone could so easily look at me and point and say “you’re able-bodied and have no health problems” because I look skinny and wear clothes too big for me a lot of the time and stand weird so I only look crooked because I’m standing weird. But other people don’t get to decide whether my problems are valid based on whether or not they can see them. do you have any idea how many times people have actually told me to my face “but you’re not disabled” and I get to ruin their performative little day. it has happened MORE THAN FUCKING ONCE.

tl;dr i’ve been having a really bad body dysphoria spiral for a straight week and it feels like everything i see is making it worse. which is a great thing, because i possess a problem that literally cannot be fixed in any feasible way.

#body dysphoria talk. you dont have to read. #just venting #NINE THOUSAND WORDS THREE PEOPLE DEAD ELEVEN WOUNDED

[chrliekclly]

if you ever want to talk about your thoughts on joyce .. Peeks over the corner of your blog. i love talking and hearing ppls thoughts on joyce sooo much even if they're different from my own!! and your analysis and stuff is always so well thought out

i hope u dont mind if i answer this publicly to take advantage of th request nd get my ideas out ther (also tyvm im happy u like my insane takes on these idiots, iv ben thinking abt them for almost 10 years)

i said a lot here so gnna 'read more' it

iv ben building trans charlie n my head fr, like i said, nearly 10 years. i used to view him as cis bcuz i always try to take as much frm th source material as i can wen i craft my HCs nd i had v personal (stupid) hangups insofar as him explicitly referring to his junk multiple times nd bottom surgery simply not being on my radar as a naive littl trans idiot deep in th sauce tht transmen oftn fall into w phallo being viewed so so poorly

evn still i leaned towards transmasc charlie nd always lovd moments tht let me imagine, for a moment, it being true, like his discomfort w taking off his shirt [hundred dollar baby, charlie kelly: king of the rats, the gang exploits the mortgage crisis, young charlie and mac deleted scenes, etc etc etc], or bonnie yelling abt ppl stealing her "charlie-girl" [the waitress is getting married] which i lovd to see as her accidentally misgendering him while drunk off her ass.

having grown out of my phallo issues (nd if ur reading this and u still view phallo super poorly, please do some research and grow too), ive in recent years fully subscribed to transmasc/nb charlie, and view his timeline something like this:

baby -> elementary: charlie refers to himself as a boy, doesnt "come out," simply has no idea he's afab. bonnie lets him dress however he wants and refers to him as asked. when charlie gets confused about his genitals, bonnie says his dick will grow in later lol, makes charlie wear a dress in public restrooms and tells him its just a game

middle: puberty hits and charlie gets confused and scared. bonnie puts him on blockers w.o explaining them ("my mom used to vaccinate me like every month" [the gang gets quarantined]) charlie goes on content and oblivious. STP acquired because hes "a late bloomer" and his dicks still not growing in?? weird. confides this in mac once, but he doesn't understand.

high: charlie finally registers that he's trans after forgetting theres a health class 1 day and not being able to skip it. throws him for a loop a bit but he becomes actively invested in his goals. he gets to start T and wants to have surgeries. "what guy hasnt done some extensive research on his own genitalia?" [mac is a serial killer]

college (aged): able to surgically transition (ty medicare) and continues on with life as we kno him now

joyce, imo, fits neatly into these views.

as a transmasc nb who came out young nd prefers to be seen as just A Guy by strangers, i grew up v vehemently against anything girly that might get me misgendered, but th more i began to 'pass,' th more @ home n my body i felt, th more and more comfortable i am w femininity, th more i wdnt mind putting on a dress, as long as th general public wd see me as "a man in women's clothes." n my mind, i prescribe something not exactly th same but v similar to charlie.

i see charlie "i dont really identify" kelly as afab and nb. i see joyce as a "character" he originally created to distance himself from the dysphoria of putting on a dress as a young trans boy, but that became part of him as the hard lines he drew in the sand as a child became blurry with age and self acceptance. charlie's comfort with himself allows joyce to evolve into a more solid persona, one he enjoys embodying and allowing to become a permanent facet of who he is. he's ok with being referred to as either. they're both him.

so maybe joyce comes out a bit more outside of the bathroom now.

#ask #pariskim #charlie kelly #joyce kelly #ramblings #i hav lots of thoughts nd feelings nd smday ill draw out charlie's whole timeline th way iv ben meaning to #th same way charlie holds th gang togethr charlie holds my whole viewpoint of iasip togethr #i gave myself a headache writing this post i spent more time xplaining my years of tboy charlie thinking than joyce im sry lmao #but i do lov her

[peripaltepsy]

BEWARE OF "body mod advices" - they can be dangerous and LETHAL.

(this post was about a deactivated blog but extends to any possible future blog like it)

edit3 since he deactivated: Red told me in the DMs that he WILL be more careful about all this risk stuff, I believe he is going to do better. Im sure he's a good person and he also was extremely civil in the DMs. Since he's not here to defend himself anymore I'll gladly take his side and say that despite this mess, all Red wanted to do was indeed reduce harm and potentially save lives. Good luck on all your endeavors, Red, I wish you a beautiful and successful career and that you have a great positive impact in the atypical dysphoria community, both on and offline. I don't know how my post truly impacted you, I'm so sorry if you're feeling bad. You acted the best way you possibly could.

Second, if Red comes back, DO NOT HARASS HIM, let him be himself and don't let his past hold them down.

Third, all my points still stand for their deactivated blog and any potential body mod tips blogs in the future. Please everyone, take care, stay safe.

Past edit: DONT HARASS any possible blogs like hers, just REPORT and spread awareness, (also don't make the same mistakes as me: TALK TO THEM FIRST)

Past edit: minors please interact with this post, forget my bio for this one

Past edit: editing editing the post since I talked to Red and he isn't bait. I definitely should have talked to them in DMs first. I sincerely apologize. So sorry Red! To those reading, don't make the same mistake as me, ok? Always talk to people privately first, I genuinely fucked up bad. This mistake of assuming others intentions, can traumatize them. If I were in Red's shoes I'd be traumatized. So yeah, I fucked up bad.

Their intentions are genuine but my point still stands that its extremely dangerous and can't qualify as harm-reduction / end edit note

alright, I'm not transid/radqueer but you guys need to REPORT AND WARN OTHERS of these accounts as soon as they appear. Do not entertain them, no matter how desperate you are to transition. You can become a victim of dangerous charlatanism.

LONG POST AHEAD, VERY IMPORTANT NEVERTHELESS

Archive to what i'm about to post

Red claimed to be "a non-professional surgeon, planning on getting better with practice." Bad move!

Red has told me he's pursuing a medical degree and won't actually do non-qualified surgery.

.

Red: "The blog is centered around an idea of "extreme" body mods that I would like to explore further, [...] things like breaking and re-mending bones, creating new joints, replacing skin, etc."

My point: the road to hell is paved with good intentions, and your blog was unsafe.

.

To any possible counterarguments: "But they (people following/asking advice) know the risks!" That's victim-blaming. Red gave himself the responsibility to give harm-reducing advice, but he didn't do a good job.

"But I know the risks!" You can't possibly know the risks because Red doesn't know either or "kinda knows" but has not properly informed his audience, it didnt give sources, oversimplified their advice and failed to provide accurate information about risk. Or gave plain misinformation.

Again I'm not transid, I can't possibly imagine what you're going through in order to try anything at all to feel better, including trying experimental surgery not legally available or not researched at all. However, please please please do not become a victim of medical deceit or whatever tf it's called. Even if the blog owner tries their best to be reliable.

They might sound confident, but they do not know what they are saying, what they're telling others to do.

.

Ask: "How would I make my skin gray without tattoos?" (DO NOT SHAME THIS USER BTW)

Red: "[...] I assume you want permanent grey. To do this, it's pretty simple, although it'll take a lot of time. Basically, what you want to do is to constantly be exposed to lots of silver. Any product with silver in it like specific lotions and skin creams. also fish, milk, mushrooms, and whole grains tend to have silver in them! So tldr, consume lots of silver!"

STOP!!! DONT FOLLOW THIS ADVICE!!! DONT OVER-EXPOSE YOURSELF TO SILVER!!! "Silver toxicity causes argyria. Silver toxicity occurs when too much silver is in your body." <- from a simple research on "too much silver in blood"

THE RESULT WILL BE ARGYRIA. EVEN IF YOU DO IT SLOWLY, YOU ARE BUILDING UP A HEAVY METAL IN YOUR BODY. THE GREY SKIN IS NOT PRETTY NOR WITHOUT GRUESOME SIDE SYMPTOMS.

Yall. Anything in excess will fuck up your body, including iron, vitamins, and silver.

To whoever asked Red, I don't know your mind, but I'm sure you'd love to live a happy life with grey skin! You'd love to have a body you're comfortable with and looks rad as hell! But you wouldn't be able to enjoy it if you're deeply sick with ARGYRIA, WHICH IS WHAT RED'S ADVICE WILL GIVE YOU!

.

Ask: "How do I get darker skin without going too dark? I’m pale and burn easily, I just want a color similar to Lin Manuel Miranda" (AGAIN DONT HARASS THIS USER)

Red: [...] "expose yourself to the sun more! As you do this, you'll get tan which will protect you from future burns and make your skin slightly darker, do this enough and you can engineer your skin to be as dark as you want!"

THATS MISINFORMATION! Yes you may tan to get darker (Lin's tone may or may not be achievable to you) but one: it's not permanent unless you're constantly going out; two: SKIN CANCER!!!! DONT OVER-EXPOSE YOURSELF TO THE SUN!!!! USE SUNSCREEN!!

TO ANYONE SEEKING A MUCH DARKER TONE: YOU CAN'T "GO AS DARK AS YOU WANT TO" BY TANNING. Just look at people who have lived their whole lives outdoors like farmers! White people can't tan to black! There's a limit to how tan you may get! Are you seriously gonna risk skin cancer for an impossible thing???

.

Red: "Self amputation is really dangerous! You should learn how to use a tourniquet, that way, you can stop the bleeding! [...]" WHERE ARE YOU GETTING YOUR SOURCES, RED?

If anyone reading this is seriously thinking of amputating themselves, and will not change their minds no matter what, please just have someone immediately drive you to the hospital. I do not support such operation and you can still die or get horribly sick even with your best precautions, but you better receive actual medical attention and stay alive rather than trying to heal it yourself. Because what you'll most likely get from following Red's advice is DEATH FROM BLOOD LOSS. Again, if you absolutely cannot get rid of this dysphoria with therapy, or manage it at least, or have a doctor do it for you, I still would NEVER suggest you do it yourself, but IF you end up doing that then at least please go straight to the hospital instead of trying to heal it yourself.

.

Red: "do not try and break your own bones to make modifications! [...] Get another person (Like myself) to help you with the bone breakage instead."

NO ONE KNOWS WTF THEY'RE DOING. YOUR FRIEND DOESN'T. RED DOESN'T (as they advertised in the post). NO ONE IS GOING TO GET MODIFICATIONS LIKE THIS. NO ONE IS GOING TO BE HAPPY. EVERYONE IS GOING TO BE EITHER IN PAIN, RISK OF HORRIBLE INJURIES OR TROUBLE WITH THE LAW. FUCKING AROUND = GUARANTEED BOTCHED OPERATION.

Also, now that Red has clarified she won't perform surgery until having an actual degree, you can't really go to her XD

.

Red: "Some advice for surgery [...] This one's important, make sure your patient is strapped down and properly sedated, if they move, even slightly, you risk hitting a vital artery or organ, if you do hit an artery, don't panic, this is why you learned how to use a tourniquet! if you hit a vital organ though, odds are you won't know how to fix that, so be extra careful with abdomen and face surgery!"

Thats still promoting medical malpractice, mutilating and potentially killing friends, dangerously downplaying surgery so much, this is not harm-reduction

.

Ask: "I want to be blind in one eye, but more-so in the sense of extreme but not total vision loss. I want to do something permanent in the future!" (AGAIN DONT HARASS THIS USER)

Red: Well, a simple fix to your problem is just get some calcium hydroxide in your eye and wash it out a few minutes later, this should lead to permanent, extreme (but not total) vision loss in that eye. Keep it in too long and it can cause total vision loss so be careful!

Ok so, it's great that you're trying to come up with alternative ways for users not to kill themselves by gouging their eyes out, but you've still failed to give them the full picture

From a quick search "calcium hydroxide in the eyes": Exposure to the skin can produce burns, painful irritation and necrosis, and exposure to the eyes may cause severe pain and vision loss that can be temporary or permanent. If calcium hydroxide is exposed to the skin, contaminated clothing should be removed, excess amounts of the chemical should be wiped off and the affected skin should be flushed repeatedly with water. Victims of calcium hydroxide exposure to the eyes should flush their eyes with water continuously for the first 15 minutes, but all cases of external exposure should receive immediate medical care. Inhaling calcium hydroxide through the nose or mouth can also cause immediate, painful and potentially life-threatening complications. Throat and nasal passages may become painful and swollen, and the swelling may restrict airways, making breathing difficult or impossible. If the calcium hydroxide particles are carried all the way to the lungs, this may further complicate breathing. Victims of this type of exposure should be taken immediately to a fresh air environment, and emergency services should be contacted right away. Administration of oxygen and emergency respiratory assistance may be required.

.

Red (answering an ask): "the question shouldn't be what DO people replace their skin with, it should be what CAN they, after all, just because it's never been practiced or very rarely practiced doesn't mean it's bad or impossible! Of course, my personal favorite skin substitutes are rubber and red velvet, I am also a big fan of stainless steel."

(Don't promote such an operation). THIS OPERATION IS BAD AND IMPOSSIBLE TO SUCCEED. SKIN CAN ONLY BE REPLACED WITH SKIN. SKIN IS A LIVING ORGAN. ANY OTHER SUBSTITUTE WILL CAUSE YOU TO LOSE BODY PARTS OR DIE.

YOU KNOW HOW PEOPLE WITH TRANSPLANTS NEED LIFE-LONG MEDICAL ATTENTION SO THEIR BODY DOESN'T REJECT IT? HOW TF WILL YOU DO THIS WITH FUCKING RED VELVET?

YOU WILL FUCK UP YOUR BODY'S IMMUNE SYSTEM A THOUSAND DIFFERENT WAYS.

ANYWAYS. CROSSTAGGING FOR REACH. PLEASE EVERYONE REBLOG. THIS IS SERIOUS SHIT.

#radqueer #rq community #rq 🌈🍓 #pro rq 🌈🍓 #pro radqueer #transid #transid please interact #transid safe #transabled #transharmful #pro transharmed #pro transid #pro transx #pro transage #pro transabled #radqueer coining #radqueer safe #radqueer please interact #pro radq #rq safe #pro para #pro rq #transid community #transx safe #transid coining #diaracial #pro diarace

[wasyago]

some rambles about gillion trans headcanons and other stuff

im realizing that i write these posts because i have no one to talk about riptide with, so this is like a monolog that is meant to be a dialog? sort of? the point is, the thought process is unpredictable and this is just everything that goes through my head and not like a structural point or anything and some things are random and not uhhh pretty(?). i dont even know why im writing these disclaimers, no one cares probably?

anyway. so, if gillion was a trans man, how would that work?

did he know from the young age, before the elders even, that he was a boy? was it just an obvious thing for him and his family? was he loved and accepted? and when the elders took him away, did they accept him as well? did they even see him for a kid/a person he was, or did they only think about the prophecy and didn't care what gender The One was? when gillion got older, did he get his top surgery inside the walls of the palace without anyone questioning him or looking down upon? or did he have to sneak out? probably definitely not sneak out, im not sure gillion ever left the palace or seen the world outside much. did he even get top surgery?

that's an interesting question to me actually, because if tritons (in this campaign at least) hatch from eggs, do females even have bigger boobs? technically no, right? do they even have boobs? i mean, they do have chest muscles and stuff, but do they have nipples? the one time i drew gill without a shirt i didn't draw him any, so im gonna say "no" for now. sorry im huge bore when it comes to these types of questions, i don't even know why actually... is it weird?

uhh what was i talking about... so i guess yeah, if female and male tritons don't have that different of a body structure, gillion probably didn't even need a top surgery to begin with. and maybe he didn't experience much in terms of dysphoria, which honestly? good for him, he had enough going on already...

but if gillion wasn't trans before the elders? if he was fine with his gender, he was only five after all, he had better fiveyearold things to worry about. what happened after he was taken away? was it his own realization, just at an older age?

or was it forced on him by the elders? (its definitely a darker concept and would be out of character for the elders, but as an alternative universe I think its interesting as well). because "the chosen one", the hero of the prophecy, the one who will decide the fate of the world and who will protect the undersea, in the eyes of the elders could've only be a man (if they were misogynistic). and when they come to this family and they see a 5 y.o. girl, what can they feel except disappointment? they will try anyway though, because what are they supposed to do? and if they need a man for a prophecy they will get him one way or another...

again, a darker concept, and i think i like it like an au better than a headcanon for the main campaign. because it's ooc and brings up slightly different topics from the original.

at the end i think i wont headcanon gill as trans? (although who knows, maybe I'll come around eventually, we'll see) maybe as nonbinary or a secret third thing though. gillion to me doesn't feel like a "man" man, his gender is "a guy" i don't know how to explain it hdgsbbs (maybe im just projecting idk o_o)

I love it when people hc him as trans tho, its very sweet!!!!!!! and i believe he does have the top surgery scars in the official art? so like, pop off king lets go???? (actually i just checked and no he doesn't, but im gonna think he does anyway)

im a little scared to re read this post and i think i'll delete it later probably, but uhhh yeah... again, just rambling and thinking out loud (not out loud but you get what i mean. writing all this down or drawing something really helps me to think and figure things out, so that's why)

#yagotalk #ask to tag #if someone wants to talk about it or add something feel free to

[keirawantstocry]

poly morning crew but tubbo is insecure about his height and fitpac are trying to help him be less insecure about it :)

this got so incredibly off track i literally see one word and run with things swear down

hiii, um I kinda took this and ran with it? I will upfront say I am not a trans man but i am trans so i drew on my own personal experience to write this and dont mean to write anything… incorrect or anything of the sort <3 and if anyone reads this and i have accidently ending up portraying something incorrectly pls tell me immediately so i can rewrite

Most days Tubbo was fine with being trans. It was just part of who he was, like his brown hair or any of his birthmarks. Other days it bugged him. How much shorter he was compared to some of the other guys. How soft his body was. But he was fine. He wouldn't fucking talk to somebody about it, wasn't that big of a deal anyway. Nobody even noticed when he had his off days, Phil was focused on a thousand other things and the annoying voice of his husband in his head just prattled on and on about dumb shit before disappearing. 

He was working out when it hit him. A wave of dysphoria so strong he physically bent over and closed his eyes. Mentally he swore. Horrible timing. Pac was supposed to be over in less than à few minutes and he could barely stand without seeing himself and feeling sick. 

Speak of the devil, he thought as the doorbell rang and Pac's animated voice slid it's way through the house. “Tubboooo.” 

Tubbo groaned but he had no choice. Laying down the weights he had been using, he headed over to the door to let Pac inside. 

“Hey, Pac.” The man looked fucking gorgeous as per usual. It would sour Tubbo's mood if he wasn't so attracted to him. His infectious smile spread to Tubbo's face as they embraced. “It's good to see you, man.” 

It was easy at first, hiding the nasty self hatred boiling in his gut. Unfortunately Pac was incredibly more attuned to his feelings then either Phil or Tommy. “What's wrong?” he asked as they sat down on the couch together. 

“Nothing,” Tubbo blustered, avoiding his eyes. 

“Tubbo,” he said in an uncharacteristic stern voice. It softened again as he gently took Tubbo's face in his hands and turned his head to look at him. “What's wrong, meu bem?” 

With a long sigh, Tubbo accepted his fate. “I just feel like shit about myself today.” 

Pac's head tilted in curiosity. “Why?” 

“Honestly, I'm not sure what triggered it.” 

“But what do you feel shit about?” Pac took a second to look around, trying to find his words, his warm hands still against his cheeks. “What about yourself?” 

Tubbo laughed lightly, trying to shove down the churning in his stomach. “My body. I just wish… I wish I was born a guy.” Bile rose in his throat as he tried to choke down the shame. He hated being vulnerable especially with someone that he cared so much about. He met his eyes trying to gauge his reaction. The expression he was met with was one of pure confusion.

“I'm sorry I don't understand.” 

“I'm trans," he said as bluntly as he could.

Pac just blinked at him slowly as if trying to comprehend the words coming out of his mouth. “That doesn't make you any less of a man.” 

“Easy for you to say that,” Tubbo scoffed. 

Unexpectedly Pac laughed as if it was one of the funniest things he had heard all day. “You do know I'm trans right?” 

Tubbo stared at him as he felt his brain short circuit. “What? No, I didn't fucking know that what the fuck.” Surprised laughter was bubbling its way out of his chest before he could stop it. The shame was dissipating at the speed of light because here was one of the prettiest, most attractive men he’d ever known and he was just like him. 

He laughed again before bringing his hands up to grab Pac’s face and kiss him firmly on the lips. Pac giggled into his mouth before kissing him back, sliding his hands into Tubbo’s hair. The kisses were sloppy, more shared laughter and wet open mouths than anything. But it felt so good, so right. 

They finally stopped kissing and Tubbo realized that somehow they had ended up laying back on top of each other on the couch. “How did I not know you were trans?” he said, still in awe. 

Pac laughed, light and airy. “You hate me and don’t pay attention to me.” 

“Shut the fuck up.” Then for good measure he kissed him again to truly shut him up. Warmth had replaced the feeling in his gut and was now spreading through his entire body. For the first time he felt good about it; not bad, not neutral but good.

#qsmp #my writing #fanfiction #q!tubbo #q!pac #pacbo #TRANS TUBBO AGENDA #everyone is trans in my mind #so hey if someone wants to see a part two with fit telling tubbo that hes also trans then i meannnn

[pansyfemme]

Thank you for talking about vaginal atrophy. Its hard to find personal accounts of these things and stuff that isnt way over medicalized.

This sounds pervy, but if your comfortable could you speak more about genitalia changes on T? I heard about bottom growtha nd stuff but these things are hard to reserch. Or links/reading recs for this sort of stuff if you (or your followers) have any

oh yeah i can talk a bit from personal experience but i dont have any readings currently on hand. But yeah, i’ve been on t for five years, starting when i was a young teen. i’ll put my major takeaways under the cut for anyone who would rather not hear any more about my pussy for the evening

So, atrophy hasn’t been a major issue for me because i’m not really interested in vaginal penetration, it’s not really pleasurable for me. Perhaps that’s because of t? But i don’t know. But i’ve definitly had issues with self lubrication, i can be dry as a bone sometimes.

Bottom growth is the obvious one, but people speak less about changes in smell and taste, which is very present. I don’t have much to compare this too but some people say it resembles more of the smell and taste of a penis so 🤷 but its definitly different. urine changes smell as well, its VERY jarring at first and then you’re like. OH thats why mens rooms smell so much worse. Just like other body hair, pubic hair will become thicker and coarser, and spread to your ass as well. Libido is increased, but people don’t always talk about how you may gain a refractory period similar to what a lot of people with penises have. (i’ve heard some people on estrogen have lost theirs, which is super cool.) for me, this is usually resulted in me being wayyy too sensitive to the touch. Orgasms change pretty heavily too. They’re less full body, and much, much more concentrated in the lower body, but extremly intense. It’s also common for trans guys to become more interested in/aroused by anal sex, and this may be because studies prove that we have some prostate tissue but honestly it might just be that a lot of guys dont like vaginal as much after transitioning. The other thing is boners, which are definitly different than being aroused pre-t, because while clits get hard too, tdicks have such a presence that you can definitly feel yourself having a boner. It’s very surreal. In general though, theres many ways to get off as a trans guy, and vaginal stuff might not be a big deal at all for you, or you can work with a doctor to find a way to make it work. 👍 mastrubating is good for you and if you’re on t, you’re prob gonna have to find a way to make it comfortable for yourself because you will feel the urge a lot more often. We live in a world where there exists strokers for tdicks and packers and ways to get off with minimal dysphoria so i overall am very happy with the way t changed my sexual function and it feels much more suited to my body than before.

[horsegirlwarcrimes]

just wanna make a little post because! someone left a very respectful comment on WINRN asking a bit about SQH's choices transition wise. the comment has since been deleted so im not gonna repeat it (if this was you and you were worried plz dont be! i dont mind at all!) and i dont want to embarrass or put pressure on the person, but i thought id write my thoughts on that out here 😊

putting this under a cut because it got long lol

SQH in WINRN is a trans man, and has identified that way since childhood in PIDW-verse. In the real world, he was never out and never socially or medically transition, and had a lot of internalized misogyny and transphobia (which is gonna be explored a bit later in the fic). However, PIDW is canonically a world with no homophobia, which I am taking to mean no transphobia as well!

This is a major culture shock, and one that WINRN's SQH definitely says he is totally cool with and has internalized, but I think he still has a lot of internalized fear rattling around inside, which definitely plays into his choices of how he treats his body.

That said, many trans people don't actually experience a ton of dysphoria when it comes to their secondary sexual characteristics 😊 I myself have a very complicated relationship with my physical sex, which I am pretty much just directly giving to SQH haha. It's definitely not representative of every, or even most, trans experiences, just my own that I want to explore a bit through SQH, especially how that overlaps with having biological children.

Not wanting to medically transition can have a lot of reasons outside of medical concerns or cost. It's a really permanent choice. For me, I'm always like 'okay, but what if I miss my boobs? or what if it just makes no difference for me?' I, like SQH, still spend time not passing for various reasons, and it is useful to be able to girl-code myself when needed, which I wouldn't be able to do as easily if I had medically transitioned.

Drawing from trans friends experiences, some people also just actively like their bodies the way they are! I have a close friend who likes their chest a lot, and actually feels more masc and confident when not binding. Different vibes for different folks :))

That said, unlike myself, I do think that WINRN!SQH does eventually medically transition. His choice not to is a combo of ambivalence towards his body and fear of rejection, so once he is more confident and settled he and MBJ find like. A gender change fruit lol. And because magic, he can always swap back if he wants hahaha.

It hasn't come up yet, but WINRN is also T4T Moshang! Mobei-jun is also a trans man who has made very different choices than SQH when it comes to his transition. He gets much less self-shame/dysphoria, and transitioned later but went right for medical transition. Growing up in PIDW-verse where it's not a big deal gives him a different perspective than SQH. He just like... cut his tits off and did an ice ritual and was all set 😂

ANYWAYS thats just my gender headcanons for this fic hahaha. thank you for reading if you got this far! and literally never worry about leaving comments or asks with questions on the gender stuff, im very comfy talking about it and very hard to offend ❤️

#queer stuff #trans stuff #buryspeaks.mp3 #WINRN #fic writing #my fics #SQH #MBJ #Moshang #t4t #t4t moshang

[highoncatfood]

im going to dump my thoughts on u here cuz i can anyway have u heard of the song Bed of Roses by Mindless Self Indulgence ive been listening to it on loop and i am going to share with u my interpretation of the lyrics cuz it seems im an outlier amongst what people (or atleast whats on the genius page) think it means but my take is so real and true to me

basically Bed of Roses is thought to be a song about being passive in life and letting things pass you by and happen as they do, not caring about making the perfect life, but for me personally it always came off as being about suicidal thoughts and that interpretation not only makes more sense to me but also is far more interesting

'hey its alright my life has never been a bed of roses' is the singer talking about their life, saying how its unlike a bed of roses which are seen as beautiful and also a symbol of love (also searching it up it seems bed of roses is an expression for a carefree easy life) in short theyre saying their life sucks, but thinking of it in the context of it being suicidal its interesting because the 'hey its alright' then sounds like a rationalization, the following line 'this ways better for me' only helps with painting this image. its a person rationalizing their thoughts by going 'hey my life has always sucked, death would just be better for me'

and the line 'i dont care to live the life ive chosen' further adds to this, its explicitly saying they dont care to live their life

then theres the next part, which is pretty similiar to the last but then there is the line 'dont feel sorry for me', they're asking an outside party to not feel bad for their planned demise, and its repetition makes it seem like begging almost. tying this into the earlier verses which can be read as rationalization makes it seem like the singer is a person trying to comfort and placate a close one, by rationalizing that their suicide will be better for them and begging them to not feel sorry

also 'feeling sorrys been my lifes devotion' is a banger line . i have thoughts on what it could be interpreted as but i feel like the connections arent strong enough and the line like speaks for itself i think

i think this part could be about being resistance to change or healing, it could be a negative reaction to this outside party trying to talk them out of it or reason with them, but in the end they still say 'my friend' showing they care and love them. the 'screw you' could perhaps also be read as someone trying to distance themselves from their loved ones in hopes that their death wont be as painful then

i think its interesting how after that the song ends with just a reptition of 'my lifes never been a bed of roses', perhaps im looking too far into it but it could be seen as the 'last stage', of fixating on the worst parts of life as you spiral annnd .

anyway i like this song and i kinda associate this song with seth but 4 different reasons (flower imagery, lifes sucked, not wanting pity, 'feeling sorrys been my life devotion' -> religion with its emphasis on remorse for sins and devotion. etc.)

was not expecting this at all and i dont know this song but! i like this interpretation thank u for sharing honestly i always love to read too much into lyrics and i tend to come up with diff interpretations than wht was most likely the artists intention

for example recently ive been thinking of reuse the cels by car seat headrest as a song abt gender dysphoria and the transition process (when in.reality its abt like. getting back into a relationship with someone which havent worked out in the past or whetevr)

i like to think the narrator is actually talking abt themself 'i should be glad to have you back' the 'you' being their own sense of identity

'i know every frame so many times that ive seen' refering to their own body, reminiscent of how a lot of trans folks experiencing dysphoria who tend to worry abt their self image and the ways their body looks, r constantly thinking abt it and spotting every detail, being forced to look at it everyday, wishing it was something esle/wanting to change it

this chorus and lines to me r abt hrt and like. thinking of times before realizing they were trans, times when maybe they were oblivious and not yet so worried abt their body and/or identity and wanting to not have to worry again and be happy with themself, hoping tht hrt will help with that. but at the same time the fear and anxiety that comes with not knowing if medically transitioning will guarantee being freed from all the insecurity and pain caused by the dysphoric feelings. asking urself what if it doesnt satisfy. wht if going through all that trouble, all those changes, spending all that time and money doesnt even bring the result ur hoping for. is it worth it? u dont have to do all of that. wht if all it does is drain u of energy and hope and actually make u into something further from wht ur goal was (symbolized by fading colors on reused animation cels [idk much abt that but also u could interpret it as like real body cells i guess] like.... the repeating process of replacing hormones, going through constant physical changes and stuff) so generally like. indecision and thinking too far ahead/overthinking i guess. does any of that make sense im jst saying whtever comes to mind at this point i gave up on trying to keep this cohesive

'doesnt it seem an awful waste' and 'will i lose you again' can be the narrator again referring to themself, thinking that the person they were pre-transition will fade away. that they couldve lived a completely different life, that all they do is bring 'that girl or boy they couldve been' to an end. replacing them with the desired version of themself, but not sure if thats still even the same person they used to be

and. i think it should be obvious but this is all based on how i myself deal with and think of my identity as a trans person. i feel like i should clarify that this isnt me saying that this is the experience of every trans person, each of us is different etc etc

um anyway yeah thanks for the ask wiki i might listen to the song u talked abt at some point <3

#asks #car seat headrest #living while starving #lyric analysis #trans #csh #gadanie

[lunarsniperwifle]

Gonna gush a bit about Im In Love With The Villainess, dont read more if you havent read all the light novels!!

Okay so Idk if its cause I somehow missed it when briefly looking into the series, or fans are all very nice abt not spoiling things right now with the anime airing (which yall are saints!). But I feel I never see ppl talk abt the fact this story seriously talks abt and presents trans people on, what I felt as a trans woman, really nice and realistic ways. Like, we got an AFAB trans woman in Yu. Im sure many ppl cringe at the "Im an AFAB trans fem" posts that have floated around at times but. Yu is an AFAB trans woman and i love her for that. Rae's old world friend its a shame he died by suicide, especially as from what I recall he's the only trans man/masc character in the whole series. It is heartwarming Rae is such a huge and staunch ally because of that friendship (and subsequently will not stand to allow someone to live unhappily in the closet when she discovers it like with Yu and Joel).

Joel as well, I was happy we got a new trans character later and it was a trans woman (makes sense given its a series about queer women/girls and such), i think my only gripe is she still goes by Joel? Which both the characters do, so maybe for them and this society in general deadnames arent as /bad/ but that was something i didnt really like with hers since Joel is very masculine sounding to me. But also, if she likes it still, keep it! Just a writing decision thing i was bleh on.

I was really happy with how openly queer the novels were with sexuality but when it was explicitly talking abt dysphoria and trans people i was like. Holy shit. I guess my standards and expectations are so low i just expected if we /did/ show up we'd be a joke but we weren't. It was so nice. Yu and Joel both got punishments essentially (confined to a convent for a bit of time and deported back home), but theyre happy!! Also the crosswire curse being shown in both good and bad lights was so. Interesting. Like it caused Yu to be dysphoric for being forced into being a boy, and then for Joel gave her the body she always wanted. Like magic HRT is so cool (iirc Rae mentions it internally being cool this universe has that as an option).

Its just really special to me, especially with Yu and Misha being together and in love. Thats all lol. My yuri isekai that ended up not really being an isekai had good trans women in it what a bonus

#ilwtv #spoilers #im in love with the villainess #im in love with the villainess spoilers #trans rep gushing #happy

[aslongasimhereyoureinvincible]

what are your neurodivergent headcanons for hq characters?

asdfjhgfds sorry this has been in my askbox for a few days ive been busy w/ Life Stuff TM but anyways ND haikyuu headcanons lets gooo

hinata:

ik bc hes Sunshiney and Loud lots of ppl read hinata as adhd, which i can deffo see, but personally i read him as autistic

hes extroverted and good at adopting introverts (kageyama, kenma, yachi, tsukki) but when u stop to think abt it hes also actually kinda bad at social ques and 'normal' behaviour?? i think ppl dont notice bc hes also rlly nice but hinata is actually pretty blunt lmao

his special interest is literally volleyball cmon now

its canon that he dislikes being in classes too long or doing homework bc he finds sitting still for too long difficult, both me and my autistic older brother used to get up and pace around our classrooms when we were younger

even though hes rlly athletic and has insane reflexes obviously, hes also pretty clusmy and especially bad at judging distances which to me looks like dyspraxia which is really commonly comorbid w/ autism

ive also read a few fics where he has tourettes syndrome w/ body tic and i can deffo see why ppl would hc that

idk hes just reads as autistic so well in my mind like idk why its not a more common take

kageyama:

this one is less of a headcanon and moreso just interpreting the text correctly; hes definitely autistic

like its my belief that furudate either knowingly wrote kageyama as autistic or like based his personality off of an irl autistic person they knew or SOMETHING bc its actually insane how well he reads as autistic

the lack of social skills? the anger issues? the deep special interest in volleyball? the just wanting to express your feelings/opinions but coming off as rude but not knowing how to fix that? middle school being a living hell? having that one family member who Got you? the high level of skill in one particular area? hes literally the texboox definition of autism

even the little things like how he files his nails and jokes go over his head and he accidentally insults ppl bc hes calling it how he sees it and how he basically had no friends growing up bc he was too focused on volleyball and how he struggles to smile on command like!!! thats autism babe!!!!!!

oh also hes dyslexic bc im dyslexic and i say so

ushijima:

same as kageyama i bet he was either knowing written as autistic or based off of an irl person who is

blunt as all hell, monotone voice and facial expressions, volleyball as a special interest, bad at social interaction, accidentally rude, the list goes on and on

like his whole thing about how his left handedness makes him different but is also a gift that benefits him in some ways? thats a metaphor for neurodivergency dont @ me

oikawa:

i hc him as having narcisstic personality disorder, not in the ableist reddit-user 'all ppl w/ npd are evil manipulative abusers' way but in the ' i have npd and know what it actually looks like' way

hiding massive insecurities by acting like youre amazing?? that fuckin marina lyric thats like 'i feel like im the worst so i always act like im the best'?? that was abt oikawa tooru and npd

feeling threatened the second someone as good or better than you shows up? fixating on one specific thing that you have to be the best at? those are npd as fuck traits

the way he can basically get along with anyone and adjust his play style to suit them but only has a few close friendships where he can let his true personality rlly shine through

hes literally so npd coded augh <3

bokuto:

i read him as adhd and having cyclothymia

i think he was unmedicated in high school and unknowingly had depressive and hypomanic episodes which affected his play

he also very much reads as having rejection sensitive dysphoria if u ask me

and the way he talks and bounces around and has All That Damn Energy gives me adhd vibes, esp pared w/ his poor volume control ad the way he ignores social cues lol

okay quickfire round bc im getting tired of typing

atsumu is autistic, so is osamu for that matter, theyre just at very different points on the spectrum and rub each other up the wrong way a lot of the time bc of it

kita is also autistic bc no neurodivergent person is that particular about doing things the 'right' way

hoshiumi is autistic and adhd

asahi and yamaguchi read like they struggled w/ anxiety and depression

sakusa has ocpd and ocd (contamination ocd specifically) and mysophobia

kyoutani has aspd, again not in a 'aspd = violent agressive psychopaths' way but in a 'i actually have a cluster b personality disorder' way, and adhd also

kenma is autistic and has social anxiety

yachi has social anxiety too bc cmon now

tsukki reads to me as having chronic depression, i think i could also make a case for him being autistic too ngl

tendou is some flavour of neurodivergent, probally audhd, probably some other stuff, idk but hes definitely not neurotypical

like hinata, lev reads as autistic to me even tho hes got that goodball energy thatd make lots of ppl read him as adhd bc like,, he just fuckin sucks at social interaction like he is accidentally rude all the damn time lmaoo

fukunaga and aone are both autistic w/ selective mutism and/or partial to moderate non-verbalness

obviously its none of my business and i think having headcanons abt irl ppl is Fucking Weird but i wouldnt be surprised if furudate themself was autistic bc truly so many characters in haikyuu can be read that way if u ask me, although maybe im just projecting lol

#haikyuu!! #haikyuu!! headcanons #q and hey hey hey! #tumblr: akiraetzchen #og post // #theres prolly more im missing but these r off the top of my head #obvi theyre just hcs tho ppl are free to have different interpretations #except kageyama being autistic. i KNOW im correct abt that one. #also i promise this blog isnt dead i do still love haikyuu v much im just also super obsessed w/ bluelock rn

[butch-reidentified]

i know it’s none of my business, but if you mind sharing, why did you get top surgery? i haven’t heard of any woman who has gotten it for reasons further than being transgender (or medical ones)

I dont mind; it's just a bit complex and hard to communicate. I've found that whenever I try to on here, people end up misinterpreting a lot of it. I'm willing to try tho, esp since I've previously talked about it only in specific contexts and not just discussed all the reasons.

I had a few reasons, and part of it was medical (primarily bc of constant painful cysts), and I did have what I think may be a version of "sex dysphoria" (tho I'm not 100% bc other ppl describe sex dysphoria so differently & I didn't have body image issues or care how I looked to others or in the mirror) where my breasts felt (felt as in a literal physical sensation) like a prosthesis that I was wearing all the time. I had genuinely gorgeous, ideal-by-societal-standards breasts, and I actually quite liked them aesthetically. but they got in the way a lot and caused all the usual issues that large breasts do, so I was gonna get a reduction regardless. I was kinda like, why not go all the way and then I won't have to deal with cysts or that odd sensation I mentioned? I think it kind of comes down to that + the fact I knew I'd enjoy being a butch woman with a flat chest.

but then I also kind of got this sense of amusement from the idea of removing from existence a pair of breasts that sooo many people who saw them called flawless, just because they were "too perfect for this world to have." that's now the reason I give men who ask me about it, bc the reactions are honestly priceless.

I did a whole ton of research, including a lot of exploring stories of women who regretted doing this for the pupose of checking my motivations for pursuing it, my external and internal contexts around it, and my thought process and actual process I had designed for myself to complete before "clearing" myself to go forward with it - the idea being if any of those were a match with anything I read in a regret testimony, I would not move forward. I did therapy as well, specifically not affirming and with the woman who was my therapist after surviving the Pulse shooting in 2016, who I trust and respect deeply and who is not particularly on board with trans stuff or the new brand of "feminism." And I waited over 4 years from when I first thought about it to do all the above, and so it wouldn't be at all impulsive as I'd had a lot of time to dig deep, analyze, try other options, and really think hard about it/how I'd feel. And so I'd be old enough that my prefrontal cortex was more or less done cooking 😅

I'm not really sure either way if I would do it now if I still had them, but that's only bc I'm informed about the cosmetic surgery industry now in ways I wasn't then, and as a result, I'm opposed to giving that industry my money. But it would still be a tough call if I'm honest. I really like the way my chest is now. I'm quite happy with it and find it much more convenient in several ways, so I couldn't honestly say I have any regrets about it.

I truly had zero desire to be viewed as a man or "nonbinary" and went a bit overboard making sure people knew that for a while after my surgery. My misandry runs too deep to ever not love being a woman, no matter what the world is like, if I'm honest. I am so madly in love with womanhood and sisterhood and being a lesbian and female solidarity and devoting my life, body and "soul," to women's liberation. It's my cardinal raison d'être. And I do think there's some good can be done by an extremely gnc woman with no breasts who's loud and proud about being a woman.

#mine #ask #sex dysphoria #NGAMT

[coelii]

ok so hi! sorry! im bigender and uh. what made you realize yoi wanted hrt? because i don't know. i want to be more masculine but i dont want ot be less feminine?? but?? aaa???

If this anon is who I think it is take everything below with a healthy grain of salt. This is my story and how I feel about things. Your story is, by definition, different from mine. And your feelings are no less valid if they don’t involve the suicidal shit I’m going to talk about. Dysphoria comes in all shades of fucked. If you feel it though, no matter how intense, there are steps to take to remedy it and HRT is only one possible step - not everyone needs it or wants it. For me though it’s been exactly what I was missing.

So I felt I was supposed to be a girl around age 8. That was when I first started experiencing what I now know is dysphoria. It involved me wearing a pair of my cousin’s socks that she’d left behind after staying in my room and reading a Babysitter’s Club book she’d also forgotten. I would act as girly as my 8-year old brain thought girls acted and I had the most intense rush of warmth cover my whole both while I did it. I now know that feeling was euphoria.

I chased that euphoria for the next 25 years of my life. I thought for many different reasons at many different times of my life that the feelings I had about being a girl were wrong, they were sinful, they were a fetish, and I did my best try at being the best “man” I knew how to be. And I was miserable. Not always of course, I have a lot of good memories from being a man, some of my best in fact. That said, there was always something missing in my life.

I thought about suicide just about every day. Then I started making plans to kill myself, but moving those goal posts at every major life event.

“I’ll kill myself when I finish college and still feel this way”

“I’ll kill myself if I get a real job and still feel this way”

After my son was born it became “I’ll kill myself after he becomes an adult and can take care of himself”

And then I finally woke up and realized that all the gender fuckery feelings I’d felt almost my entire life were because I was transgender. And when I found out that not only could I transition but by reading others people’s stories I realized I could look good and I could be happy? I knew I had to give myself the chance to be happy.

I knew HRT was for me because I wanted all of the benefits: I wanted the softer skin and nails, I wanted the sleeker hair, I wanted the fat retribution, I wanted breasts. I didn’t know if the hype surrounding emotional changes was real but I thought it couldn’t hurt anything.

And so far HRT has saved my life. Those suicide goalposts are gone - now I’m sad when I get intrusive thoughts about killing myself. My mood, even being all fucking over the place, has improved dramatically over the “dead inside” shell of a man I used to be. And when I look in the mirror I see someone smiling back at me who I finally feel, for the first time in my life, is Me.

On the whole I don’t think I minded being a man. I actually think he looked halfway decent, he made people laugh, and people liked to be around him. But in my opinion he wasn’t a good friend, he wasn’t a good husband, and he wasn’t a good father - because he wasn’t fully committed to being here. He was staving off ending his own life on a daily basis and he was never fully present. His mind was preoccupied with thoughts of “what if I had been born a woman” or “I wish life had a character creator so I could just look however I wanted”. He had gender dysphoria, he had body dysmorphia, he had depression stemming from both those things and he negatively impacted the people who loved him because of it.

HRT isn’t for everyone by any means. It’s an intensely personal choice, but for me it has (so far) done everything I wanted it to do and more. It has helped me see and feel like the woman who was always there all along. The woman who was sending threatening messages in my subconscious that I interpreted as suicidal and dysphoric thoughts. She’s out now and I’ve never been happier. I finally feel like the good friend, the good wife, and the good parent I always wanted to be. And I’m incredibly happy with my choice. :)

#coelii.ask #ask me about my transition #mtf hrt #HRT #trans pride #trans community #mom answers

[sphylor]

ohhh i think i know which post you’re talking about. i agree, it’s very… :// as a trans creator who mainly writes trans ghoul smut fics, it made me feel very Gross about myself which… i do not think was the intention of the post… :///

if you have something to say about it and you feel comfortable enough saying it, i say go for it <3

yeah i agree with the Grossness... whether or not it was the intention it certainly was the outcome unfortunately. idk if im just not seeing all this wild fetishisation that op was talking about or what but i feel like a lot of the fics that include trans characters having sex are just. trans characters having sex yknow? like i dont know why thats suddenly counted as fetish content? granted i havent really been reading a lot of fic recently but from the stuff ive read things just seem normal. the same type of stuff you see in fics with cis characters. if anything seeing trans characters in smut fics not having to deal with dysphoria (or at least very rarely) and being able to partake in various situations happily has made me personally feel so much better about my own body and identity and ive never felt like those things were being used in a fetishistic way in those fics. though i could just be reading it all wrong ofc.

[answersfromzestual]

I want to talk about something today. Something very important for younger people and newer people coming out.

Research with legitimate sources, aka scholarly articles and medical journals/studies. Wiki is not a good source, people can change info at any point true or untrue.

We want to look for articles with medical and area professionals clearly placing their name in and on the article, or the most reliable sources are called scholarly articles and medical journals/studies, also some gender affirming clinics lay out a lot of information on their websites, most clinics dont mind answering your questions or concerns via email or phone (they may get back to you at a later date). When looking for information, you want peer reviewed medical information. Google has these features that can help narrow down your search for more accurate results. Using quotes around exact words or phrases is a trick to narrow down to more on topic search results.

Also, use Google Scholar (just type "Google scholar" into the search bar to find only actual medical articles and studies. Even lawsuits.

This is the google search bar for scholarly information below:

****READ THE ARTICLE FROM START TO FINISH OR AT LEAST THE PART(S) THAT PORTAIN TO YOUR RESEARCH!(some articles can include more than one study)****

Don't only use one source for your information, find as many as you can until you feel confident in the field of medicines and your concolusions about them. Information you use should be verified by several responsibly written articles, journals, and/or studies.

Call surgeons' offices, ask questions.

Research doctors in your area or a doctor you really like, again don't be afraid to call or email clinics!

When it comes to surgery and your body, if you have a bad feeling, any bad gut feelings before they put you under, about the surgeron or their methods, even team. You can back out until you are knocked out. You can say no as soon as you walk into the surgical suite. You worry about you.

Please, when going onto transgender groups (facebook and stuff), that not everyone is being genuine with you. People can be anything or anyone on the internet, behind that screen. I see trans people spreading anti-transtional propaganda (not on purpose), and they don't notice or know better. The negative people tend to pick out their victims early, cling onto someone newer in transitioning or even just joining the group. They probably try getting chummy really fast, getting into a lot of detail very early. They will start bringing up [negative] transitional things when they have nothing to do with the conversation you are having. It's a red flag when you can't talk about anything but "transitioning," and its a sign you need to block if all they say are negative, things. Life happens, but you don't need to drown yourself in negativity. Beware of people on the internet. Their intent is not always good, anyone can lie, anyone can find fake pictures for their profile, anyone can pretend to be someone they are not. Some of us should know that well as trans folk. Some people are even legitimate and are perhaps mad/ unhappy about their results and tend to use way overly dramatic words to describe their results, these people usually aren't telling you the whole truth. People also tend not to want to put any blame on themselves. If you aren't being honest yourself about your results and what and where things went wrong thats not okay. That,or telling someone not to do something that prevents transitioning or calming their dysphoria, that's considered transphobia.

It's important to also know that Facebook, Twitter, etc. are often looked at by employers, so many people will not use their own profiles to be a imaginary person.

Edit: Yes, transgender people can be transphobic as well. Look up Caitlin Jenner and what she's said and tried to do. Let me tell you now, she said transwomen should not be allowed to compete in sporting events, claiming "allowing transwomen to compete destroys women's sports" . So please, if you use that card, put it back in the deck. It's not true, and it's just a wrong blanket statement altogether. There are people who finish their transition and forget they had the rights they want taken away.

I want you to know and it's important to know many end results almost solely rely on the person and how they take care of themselves pre-op and post-op (yes taking care of your body before matters for optimum results). If you are heavier, your body has a harder time healing. This can cause complications and less favorable results because of those complications. I do have a post on being larger and surgical complications that are involved with that. (Here are some links about plus sized risks and general risks: plus size, general risks)

From Dad Shadow: Remember, don't tell anyone online personal information, even if you have been talking for years. Also, do not place yourself (ex. "Im gunna to go to the Starbucks on fifth around the corner from my house." this is especially bad if they may know your partial location) Someone can figure out your identity/location. Don't reveal anything you'd be asked to use as an account recovery question. When I was a younger adult, I saw someone post an image of a girl he met on 'Omegle', saying, "They accidentally got disconnected." Within two hours, everything about this girl was on this thread... from her name, where she was attending school, her personal address, her Facebook. All of it. It was more than one person looking and posting as well. People can be like this... I know you know, but the Dad in me wants to remind you. Browse safely!

I hope you read this and found it helpful everyone. I felt this is a need and it doesn't need post secondary education classes to teach you how to properly find sourced information for reports (same as your knowledge on the subject you are talking about).

P.s keeping your skin elasticity is very important, so mosturize your pecks, let it dry, then put on your binder.

Stay Golden Everyone ✌️ 💙 💜

#transgender #trans ftm #transman #ftm transition #ask me things #phalloplasty #ftm phalloplasty #phalloplasty blog #lgbtq #phallo education #ftm top education #ftm surgery information #how to properly find sourced information #this is how and where you should be looking #internet safety #internet searching #getting correct information #unbiased informational sources #google scholar

[molthethratrenerd]

my gender

This is gonna be a long rant abt my gender so you do have to read it. I just need to say it.

Ok so ive been question my gender/sexuality for like 3-4 years now and i this was kinda it

Oh i'm a bi girl -> im pan girl -> lesbian -> pan she/they still a girl but queerer

Then like i was more worried about trying to figure out my sexuality right cause like i wanted to be kissed before my 16th (that didn't happen) 

Then like maybe mid 2022 i started thinking about gender and i knew 2 trans people but i was kinda like no that can't be me flashforward to march 2023 i got in to will wood and i was like ‘no way i'm in anyway trans but if i could be him i would’ and i like said to myself that i just thought he was attractive?? Then the same thing happened with the character jesse st james from glee which was even weird because there was no way i would want to date him, so thats when she/they pronouns came in i put it in my bio. Then kids from my class found out and made fun of it so i changed em back to she/her. 

Then since like september last year it feels like minimum weekly i’d either not be able to stop thinking abt gender or take way too many ‘what's my gender quizzes’ 

And like i feel its alway been in the day of my head, but its becoming more prevalent since then ive been like could i be non binary, genderfluid pintrest boards. At the beginning of the year i cut my hair again, which felt so good,.

So now somedays im having thoughts like ‘oh my fucking god why cant i drink something and be a guy’ ‘please for fucks sake’ though im nor sure id like to be a man im not 100% sure im a girl (im moving further from that). But like if there was like a magical thing i could drink do idk that would turn every inch into like robert smith between 1983-2004 id do it so quickly omg. 

And like it kinda hurts that i'm not idk (and ive never felt this for any girl celebrities)

And i kinda think they are also there those thoughts but some days theyre less i thinks thats just cus im distracting myself though i dont know i could be fluid. 

But i dont want to be any guy like the men in my family most of them are big i cant think of a better word then buffheads more so my dad but i could just not want to be like them i dont have a good relationship 

I dont think i HATE being a girl- i don't love it i like some parts but i dont think its things exclusive to girls say cause gender norms n stuff. 

I dont know if i have dysphoria because that fluctuates but im vision impaired so if i dont try and look at my body i forget some of it exists i really dont like my boobs or how clothes sit on my body think i like okay with having a cups (that i could easly hide if i wanted to  i dont but that cause also be cause by the pain they cause me.

My waist i like but only because that's the part of my body thats skinnest like my body was less shapely but that skinny id be elated.

But especially o the days i think abt it more but also all the time i do wish for more masc features eg adams apple more angular face bigger hands etc etc.Voices of weird one because my voice is in mezzo soprano range my speaking voice however in chest voice is kinda low  but I was self-conscious about it growing up because it made me stand out in different even though really it wasn't I think I just thought people were staring at me for no reason.  I think I only like my voice when I'm singing when I'm acting because I can imagine myself playing characters who aren't me but idk but if it was lower like high baritone or tenor id be like so fucking happy.

And like i Kind of want to try dressing differently but I can't because a I don't want my family to know certain pieces of clothing would be mens Not that they have a problem with it I'm assuming they could though but they probably just want to talk about it and I would not but also like  I remember one time I was at the shop called Factorie  and I wanted to get the Black Parade t-shirt but it was a mens shirt  and my god the amount of anxiety I had and the amount of people that I felt were staring at me I almost had a panic attack. 

And like I feel like if I ever did do anything about gender irl  I'd run away from everyone I know and cut of connections again not because I feel like they'd be bad about it but just I've built this thing around myself so long and I don't think I could even my queer friends like i dont know  my parents I'd feel like I'd be letting them down, and like 

But also so much for my childhood makes sense

Like when I was about 8 I got eczema for the first time and my first thought was ‘oh im turning into a boy… shit what am I gonna tell my parents’  which I don't even know why my brain made that jump but i hated my boobs sometimes more then others Once they got past a certain size,  when I had a pixie cut and a couple people in the street would mistake me for a boy felt exposed ‘like shh don't tell’ 

But I was also such a girly todder/ child  from like ages four Tube8 I would pride myself on being the girlest girl never wearing pants  because I kind of think it was trying to win that competition but I don't know         

I don't think anybody read this whole thing but if you did help me out or don't I don't care but I just needed to vent this 

m

#gender questioning

[ashecampos]

tears over beers

you put too much effort into relationships and the girl you genuinely had feelings for broke your heart, even now after knowing about what she done, your friends still choose her over you.

because of this you relapsed.

and lost yourself again.

until one night three women find you in the woods about to take your life.

TRIGGER WARNING

self harm, suicide attempt, alcoholism, drug use, swearing, past relationship trauma, eating disorder, body dysphoria. (totally not writing just to vent..yes that’s exactly what I’m doing)

IF YOU ARE EASILY TRIGGERED PLEASE DONT READ THIS

(I see you little depressed bitches who are going to ignore this message, if this is you please reach out to me or anyone for that matter, I know what your going through, even if I don’t I will try and help)

tears run down your face, you bring your stained hoodies sleeve up to your crimson coloured cheeks, the once dry, blue hoodie, now damp and a deep blue colour. you wipe the salty tears off of your face.

blurred vision and a bottle of beer in your hand, the tears fall faster than ever, you can almost sense the panic attack that is coming for the 5th time in the past 4 hours.

the thing about you is that when you seriously genuinely like someone, you do anything in your power to keep them.

——

you where 16 and freshly out of a emotionally abusive relationship, first year of college, your time to shine.

two of your closest friends from secondary school managed to stay in the same friend group as you, from that you built a whole new friendship group, different people from your friends classes joined.

about half way through your first year of college you developed feelings for a girl who recently discovered her own sexuality. Through her discovering herself she managed to split the group which was once a big group into two, the other half of the group studied a different course than your side and now the two groups barely talk.

upon telling your best friend about your newfound feelings, she tells you that the girl sees you in the same light as you see her.

a few weeks later the girl you liked and one of your closets friends texted you saying they both had feelings for you. Upon this a massive wave of guilt engulfed your mind. You had liked your close friend for years before when you where both in secondary school yet you still liked this new friend.

you had told them both that you where confused and couldn’t make your decision so soon. Your close friend Em told you to take your time and that if it was her you where willing to choose that she would wait forever for you, on the other hand, your other friend Kai told you that you had to choose and that it wasn’t fair.

you tried so hard to choose but you couldn’t.

once both of them and your best friend wanted to go see the same movie so you invited them all to see it together as it would’ve been easier. To make it even more awkward your younger brother decided to tag along.

during the movie Em held your hand because she recognised your anxiety about the cinema, along with the scary scene that was playing before you, for the next hour, the two of you held hands. Then the same on the bus ride, once Kai left, Em took the opportunity to hold your hand, then kissing it once you reached her stop.

Throughout the rest of the year Kai begged for your attention and love while Em worked for your love.

and guess who you picked

if you thought Em

you thought wrong.

stupidly you picked Kai because Em was at another college and the two of you barely saw each other, whereas even though she never put in effort Kai saw you everyday.

A few month of sharing hoodies and you putting in the most effort to make sure Kai is having a good time while she is going through things, you wanted to ask the question. ‘what are we?’

you ended up asking her through text what she wanted from the talking stage, after that she told you she needed space.

this was the first time she hurt you, broke you even.

you sat on a table alone as your friends went to talk to her, they left all their stuff with you, you sat and silently sobbed while they laughed with her.

Summer finally broke out and you had the girl unadded for the whole time, your friends hung out with her while you were either on holiday or alone in your room reading comic books of super heroes with the dream love story.

Around 2 weeks till college starts she added you again with the plea to start talking again, of course you being a fucking idiot, you said yes because your friends wanted the group to be together again with you being the ‘glue’ of the group.

Your now in second year of college

through the use of the internet you found your diagnosis for depression and the internet keeps saying your neurodivergent.

She would send you relationship posts through tiktok and snapchat, yet the moment you ask for the second time what she wanted from the relationship, she fucked you over again.

But this time worse, she left you on opened before spending a week ignoring you, the friend group fell apart a bit more and you just stayed away as much as you could in fear you’d show yourself crying in front of them.

She eventually messaged you and the two of you stopped talking.

now not even two weeks later, you heard through a good friend that she has already moved on with one of your ex’s who also fucked you over.

In the coming weeks your life fell apart, you can’t find a job, your failing everything you do and your presence at college is near to never

——

your now sat in the woods with a bottle of your pills in your lap, unknowingly of the famed avengers’ new mission in your area.

Three of the avengers are stood watching you from behind you, without your knowledge. Your new apple airpod maxes placed upon your dark curly hair, music blaring.

After a few minutes of them watching you they start to whisper about your state as you pull up your sleeves, cursing at yourself for not bandaging your arms properly, blood runs down your forearms from the deep raging red lines that cover the entirety of your arms.

Upon seeing this you feel a pair of strong arms wrapping around your shoulders, hugging you from behind, you throw your headphones off, putting them on the floor. “Shh I’m here” a raspy Russian voice says while you melt into their hold. Another two people join the hug, “it’s okay detkà we’ve got you” another voice says, this time her voice is hinted with an old Slavic accent, lastly another female says “I’ve got you little one” in an American accent.

part 2

#reader insert #wanda maximoff #wanda maximov #avengers #the avengers #x y/n #carol danvers x reader #natalie rushman #natasha romanov #wanda x nat x reader #wandanatcarol #comfort #sorry for the rant #rants n rambles #life rant