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charmedreincarnation · 5 months

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Hey guysss! A lot of people have been asking for me to make a challenge for a while now. I honestly didn’t want to, not because I’m against them or anything but because the law will be different for everyone. Sometimes, it feels like tumblr needs a reminder - you are the only person who knows what you need to do to succeed. I wish I could imprint this realization on everyone's minds. I’ve also gotten so manyyyy asks about things that genuinely just feel like your doubts repeating in your mind constantly so I’m gonna talk abt my beliefs bc y’all are spiraling really hard. I get it you want your desires for Christmas and new years. It’s okay take a breath, you're alive and will be okay.

Firstly: at the beginning I used to spend countless time spiraling into depression, constantly changing my methods every time I saw a new success story, and every time I found a new foolproof' tumblr method. Methods that were supposed to guarantee results in a day so when they didn’t I felt rlly useless. It was annoying, to say the least, and I don’t want to help others do the same thing, but really all I can do is reiterate what I always say and hope you apply it to everything!!

A lot of you guys wanted something that didn’t involve the void state, so that’s what this will revolve around! But feel free to make this void orientated if you desire, and I’ll also add a void section so all my babies can eat!

Ok so you’ve over consumed, you have dropped the void, and now have switched to just assuming and knowing that you would wake up with your dream life - embracing states. Great! At first, it will seem like you're doing nothing but you aren’t! For example, I knew I was dwelling in the state of wish fulfilled when I went to work without shedding tears, when I looked in the mirror and didn't think I was ugly because, well, I'm beautiful! I didn't care abt not performing well on a test because I could revise my past etc. this isn’t to say ignore the 3D: don’t do that, please try and make sure you’re safe and okay. But know life is malleable. Slowly, things that used to bother me—my parents, grades, anxiety, self-deprivation—started to fade away. Even though my dream life hadn't reflected in my 3D yet, I felt the switch. That's when I decided, I know what to do.

I also remember finding this cute website a long time ago that I want to share that summarizes it in such a great and simple way.

So Before I knew or understood what LOA was, I found this gem of an article on I am Love'- "How To Shift Into A State & Stay There". I think I have a post abt it somewhere on my blog but I’m too lazy to find it so here it is again.

Basically it explains that the essence of shifting into a desired state and staying there. What resonated with me was her choice to dwell in the state of knowing that her desires are hers, no matter what.

The way she used colloquial language made the content relatable and easy to understand. It's like having a conversation with a friend who's guiding you through hard concepts with “dumbed down” language because at the beginning states made 0 sense to me.

Posts like this really helped me particularly because when I discovered Neville, it required three attempts on my part to not only intellectually grasp his teachings, but also to truly comprehend him as a whole, given his non-contemporary speaking tbh.

I recommend it if you find yourself stuck or not really grasping the law yet (which is more than okay) but, if you're looking to understand the loa better or just learn more give this article a read.

There’s also a particular quote from Neville that really got me to dive into his work after finding this article and it was- “The being that you really are, descended to the weakness of the flesh, causing you to experience the state you are now in. Contemplate another state, and the same being who brought your present form into being will restore and make alive the other state, the state desired. This he will continue to do until his purpose is fulfilled. That purpose is to follow a certain pattern back into the unity of being. You see, in the beginning we were drafted. We did not volunteer to fall into these states. We were made subject into futility, not willingly but by the will of him who sent us. But when we return we will discover that we are the very being who subjected us. We are now the sons, destined to return as God the Father!”

Now that you understand and are ready to apply state, Here’s a routine I’ve created to hopefully help you guys! It is very simple and not time consuming at all.

Scripting and writing: I love writing and feeling like the author of my own story, literally bringing my creation to life. I would write when I felt like it. Whenever I wanted to dwell in my state, I would simply write, "I have my dream life." It's so simple, yet it embodies everything I need. If you’re more of a picture girl, use Pinterest instead. Or both if you prefer it doesn’t matter.

Edward arts' "I am creator meditation": Again, do this whenever you like it. It's one of the few meditations that didn't bore me to death and seemed to work with my ADHD. I also love reading, so I would read his pdf whenever I felt like it and take mental notes. Reading his work was a reminder I was doing everything right, it resonated with me very well.

During doubt and overstimulation: When things get overwhelming, close your eyes and let the emotions pass. They’re just thoughts! repeat the words "I am" until your heart returns to its normal rhythm. It's a simple yet powerful way to ground yourself amidst the whirlwind of emotions. And guess what? You can use this technique for doubt too! So the next time you're feeling overwhelmed, remember the power of "I am". It's a gentle reminder of your existence, your resilience, and your capability to be whatever you want despairs any emotional turmoil.

Thank god: (yourself!!) When reminded of your desires. Thank you god. When you see your desires, (eg:Pinterest, online or you’re just reminded) thank you god! When you see an image of your desires, thank you god! When you dream or think about your desires. Thank god! Always thank the person fulfilling it aka you ;)! If you’re religious just thank the god you actually follow.

Nightly reflections: At night, ask yourself , "What would I do if I woke up in my dream life right now?" repeat this question throughout the night. Then, imagine whatever scene you want. What would you do if you could not fail? What would you do if you had all the money in the world right now. What if you looked in the mirror and saw the most ethereal being and it’s just you? What about if you woke up in your dream house with your dream family and pets? This is inspired by one of the first shifting methods I created that helped me fulfill my imagination before I knew what that meant. When you’re ready to sleep just remind yourself it is done, and drift off into your desires.

As I've always said, I've been a great daydreamer. I knew exactly what I wanted my life to look and feel like. I envisioned my walk-in closet filled with luxurious outfits, waking up in my dream room on a soft mattress with my pets purring nearby. I saw the decor reflecting my personality in every corner of my large, and pretty room. I imagined walking into my bathroom, seeing all my cool Sephora products lined up for my skincare and shower routine. I love taking care of myself because I know I deserve it. I saw myself looking in the mirror, knowing I'm "that girl" who turns heads wherever she goes.I visualized going downstairs in my boujee dream house,and seeing my family stress-free, smiling, and eating well. I saw plans being made on my phone, my friends were excited to see and talk to me. I went to my kitchen, filled with expensive ingredients ready for me to cook meals for my loved ones - because I love cooking. I saw myself checking my bank account and seeing multiple seven figures in my savings, checking, and investment accounts and opportunities easily presenting myself to make more if I wanted. I saw myself running errands in my car, shopping, getting Starbucks, having expensive lunch with friends, and making a trip to Target. Despite the simplicity of the day, I would come home and be like, "Ugh, what a long day!"like that one khloe kardashian meme. What if all this happened today? Visualize and feel the scenes so clearly that it felt like it's already happening.. not just in your imagination.

Most importantly: Define the law for you! Stop parroting bloggers and intertwine your own beliefs with the law. The only principle of the law is that through persistence assumption will harden into a fact. Other than that anything goes except for facts that are wrong.

Here’s old notes I found in my phone lol just so you know what I mean by define the law for you: ignore the writing I was kinda dumb and new to the law 😭😭

Now this is for my void babies if you made it this far.

Read this post.

This is it copied bc the links are wonky sometimes

“My previous method is based on the persistent assumption, which a lot of people don’t know how to do right and it might take some time even for those who have the right self-concept and the mindset, so today I was in the process of manifesting this method.

And I was successful!

This method is for everyone. It’s the easiest Void method.

Do you know that you get into the Void state at night automatically? At that time the whole perceived world disappears for you. Every single perception and assumption you have disappears while your consciousness in the calm and natural Void state.

Use it to your advantage. Now that you know about the Void that you enter when you sleep, the perfect state to manifest anything that you wish to perceive, with no “resistance”, no illusions of annoying solid things around, you only need to remember your scripted starting point in your DR and practice watching it all coming out of the Void.

Practice that scene with your eyes closed, say to yourself:”That is what I perceive. Next time I’m in the Void, I’ll experience this”. You won’t even need to be fully aware of yourself that way when you get into the Void while you are asleep. Your subconscious would do all the work as it now would have the instruction and a clear image of you expecting it.

Personal experience: as I was receiving information on this method, I almost stepped into my DR! I wasn’t even in the absolute void state, I was only creating the scene for this method and I felt it materialise with my senses!

I have great feeling that it’s going to give fast results for others! Try it, teach your subconscious what it needs to bring forth while in the Void, let it do your work for you!”

Lastly, I’m gonna talk abt my beliefs real quick bc the fear of shifting vs manifesting makes me sad for y’all. I understand you don’t wanna leave behind the people you love and that’s not fear to feel ashamed of having! I personally hate the npc mindset a lot of have people have adopted. The only thing we know for sure is that assumptions create realities, and consciousness is the real reality. Everything else boils down to assumptions, except for principles. For example, shifting is not lucid dreaming, even if you assume it to be. That is the principle. I’m just going to copy what I told my mutal bc I’m lazy and need to finish Christmas stuff 😭😭 but Our imagination and the 4D realm are products of our consciousness, which is indeed real. Our view of reality is shaped by our consciousness, since we can't experience everything all at once.

Unless, of course, you shift into a super omnipotent god. Even then, you’d probably still struggle with the concept of infinity because, well, infinity is infinite. And it’s constantly a never exnding expansion. As humans, we're finite beings, and our understanding of the infinite is naturally limited. Because you can’t and won’t ever experience everything at once, infinity is always expanding. Our awareness can be thought of as fragments of consciousness; it's like being a drop of water in a massive ocean. Even though our perception is limited, the infinite is always there, always existing. We simply adjust our awareness to perceive this infinite reality.

And through our consciousness, we are able to tap into other realities or 'multiverses', which give us a broader understanding of existence. This exploration of consciousness and the multiverse is a significant part of my journey into the world of manifestation.

The law of consciousness explains why, when you "shift" or change your perspective, you don't physically move. It's all about altering your state of awareness. This is also why time doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things. You can become aware of any time or day you want, as long as you choose to be aware of it. It's like having a mental time machine. This law is why infinite universes exist. As long as you can be aware of it, you can assume and embody the state of that person. Whether that's someone with a billion dollars on Earth, or a person who lives in the Attack on Titan world, it's all about your awareness.Our awareness is just a fragment of the larger consciousness – hence the idea of the multiverse. Each universe is a different fragment, a different state of awareness. And we have the power to “shift” into any of these states, therefore shifting into any of these universes.

I’m telling you this bc there’s no need to be afraid of manifesting or being in a reality with robotic versions of the people you love. Ariana grande and Marilyn Monroe for example talk about loa without acknowledging it and we see their success. Neville Goddard and his followers saw each other’s manifestions and I manifest for my friends and they mnaifest for me.

Take a deep breath and let go of the tik tok clone mindsets y’all have they don’t exist. You can manifest and assume anything you want in your imagination. Y’all literally want to manifest things like millions of dollars, revising deaths, living in new countries, having immorality in your waiting rooms, and never aging which is all possible of course. So be for real, why assume and know that you can achieve all that, but it won't manifest exactly how you want? I've also wondered about what happens to the "old version" of people when they manifest their dream life. As far as I'm concerned, they dont exist because you choose not to be aware of them.

I really want to talk about this too, as I've received similar questions and, oh my god, I thought I was alone. I've always been a bit delusional and lived in my head, but when I became conscious of the law, did anyone else feel a sense of self-embarrassment? I don't know what that was, but I'd genuinely feel my soul wanting to throw up envisioning my desires that aren't mine, even though I've always been a daydreamer. It's kind of like when you feel you can't have them or it's strange to envision yourself with something you can't have, so you just purge yourself. 😭

I was thinking back to why that happened and laughing at myself because we need to be serious right now. Why are you getting sick by your own mind? Imagine if Van Gogh, anytime he pulled out a canvas and held a brush, was jump-scared by the brush. Picture him holding out the brush and just staring at the canvas crying because "well, the painting is going to suck 😐," "I don't know what to paint☹️☹️," "I already know it won't be like what I envision in my head 😡😡." Like, bro, the canvas is blank, just fucking paint. That’s why I really like his quote that's like...

“If you hear a voice within you say you cannot paint, then by all means paint and that voice will be silenced.” So If you’re scared of failing, if you’re scared of your desires, or scared of how it will come to fruition, for that reason alone is more so to and manifest it anyways.

But happy holidays guys! make some tea, scroll through Pinterest, read a good book and watch some Christmas films and remember if you can imagine/think your desires you can embody them bc where are you getting it from??

Here are some helpful documents I have read plus a cute vid I saw on insta reels : (let me know if the links are being weird)

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#law of assumption #manifesation #manifesting #void state #my asks

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astercontrol · 3 months

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If KOSA passes

Or if any other form of censorship (there are many in the works!) ever succeeds at stepping in to impede our ability to communicate online:

We have to make plans.

Now, I dunno who'll even see this post. The few followers I have are TRON fans (who despite the fantasy we live in, tend to have realistically dismal views IRL about Disney and the various corporate uses of software).

And this fandom, on average, is pretty tech-savvy. It's where I've encountered the most people under 20 years old who actually know how to use a desktop or laptop computer.

So, if there's any hope for what I'm thinking about, this is prolly a good place to start with it.

(As with all my posts, I encourage reblogging and containment-breaching.)

(Gifs are clips from TRON 1982, mainly the "deleted love scene," from the DVD extras.)

Anyway.

Current society has moved online communication much too far onto major social media sites for my comfort. Whoever you communicate with over the internet, chances are you do it through a service owned by a big company: Tumblr, Twitter, Discord, Telegram, Facebook, whatever. Even TikTok (shudder).

These sites, despite their many flaws, can provide experiences that are valuable and hard to get otherwise. And once all your friends are on one site, you can't just leave and stay in touch with them all, not unless they all go the same place. It's easy to see why it's hard to abandon any social media platform.

But a backup plan is important. Because, as we've seen over and over, social media sites can't be relied on. They change their policies suddenly, without good reason-- and are inconsistent, even discriminatory, about enforcing those policies.

If they're funded by ads, the advertisers are their main customers, and your posts are the product. Their goal is that the posts most valuable to the advertisers get seen by people the advertisers consider desirable customers.

Helping you communicate-- making your posts get seen by the people you want to communicate with-- is optional to them.

Not to mention that the whole business model of an ad-funded website is generally unsustainable. Many of these sites are operating at a loss, relying on shareholders in a fragile bubble, doomed to fail soon just from lack of real profit.

And the more restrictions --like KOSA-- that the law puts on freedom of online speech, the likelier they are to go down or just become unusable. Every rule a site is required to follow is another strain on its resources, and most of them are already failing badly at even enforcing their own self-imposed rules.

If we want any control over our continued ability to stay in touch with our online friends-- we need to have a backup plan. Maybe it'll be simple at first, a bare-bones system we cobble together-- but it's gotta be something that will work. For a while at least.

There are lots of really good posts about ways to build your own website, using a service like Neocities. I VERY MUCH recommend learning this skill-- learning to make websites of the very simplest, most stable, glitch-resistant type, made of html pages-- which you can upload to a host while you store backups on your home computer. If you value the writing and art that you put online, this is probably the safest you can keep it.

But that's for making your own creative work public.

As for communicating with others-- for example, receiving and answering other people's comments on your work-- that gets more complex. I personally haven't found it worthwhile to troubleshoot the problems that come with having a system that allows visitors to comment publicly on my website.

But what we do still have-- and likely will for a long time-- is email.

Those of us who came of age before social media's current hold... well, we might take this for granted. Email was the first form of online contact we ever encountered… and thus it can seem to us like the most ordinary, the most boring.

But in the current world, it is a rare and precious thing to find a method of communicating that doesn't require everyone in the chat to be signed on with the same corporation.

Email is, as of now, still perfectly legal-- as much as social media companies have been trying to herd the populace away from it. I'm sure there are other ways to share thoughts online that are not bound by laws. But I am not going to go into that here.

Email service is provided by law-abiding companies, which will comply with subpoenas if law enforcement thinks you are emailing about doing illegal things. So, email is not a surefire way to be safe, if laws become dystopian enough to threaten your freedom to talk about your own life and identity.

But it's safer than posting on a public social media page.

For now.

Email is beautifully decentralized. You can get an email address many different ways-- some reliant on a company like Gmail, others hosted on your own domain. And different people, with all different types of email addresses, hosted in all different ways-- can all communicate together by the same method.

Of course any of these people, individually, can lose their email address for some reason or other, and have to get a new one. But as long as they still know the email addresses of their contacts, they can reconnect and recover from that loss. The structure of a group linked by email is reliant not on a single company-- but on the group itself, the friends you can actually count on.

This is why I am trying to promote the idea of forming email lists, as a backup plan to give people a way to stay in touch as mainstream social media sites prove to be unsustainable.

I'm envisioning a simple system of sending emails to several addresses at once, and making each reply visible to everyone in the chat by using "reply all" (or, if desired, editing the To field to reply to only some).

If enough people get used to using email in this way, it could fill most of the needs met by any other group chat or forum …without depending on a centralized social media company that's taking dystopian measures to try and make the business profitable.

So here are some thoughts about how I personally imagine it could work.

(Feel free to comment and bring up any thoughts I haven't addressed, or suggestions to customize how specific groups could set it up. This is meant as more of a starting point for brainstorming than a catch-all solution.)

As I see it, here are the basics of what you and your friends would each need to start out:

An email address. Any kind, hosted anywhere. You should use a dedicated email account just for this group, one that you do NOT use for other communication. Being in this group will result in things you don't want happening to your main email address-- like getting a TON of email, one for every post and reply. Or someone could get your email address that you really don't want any contact with. Use a burner email account (one that you can easily replace) and change it if needed.

The knowledge of how to "REPLY ALL" in your email. This will be necessary in order to add a comment that everyone in the group can see.

The knowledge of how to EDIT THE "TO" FIELD in your email, and remove addresses from the list of all recipients. This will be necessary if you want to CHANGE WHICH PEOPLE in the group can see your comment.

The knowledge of how to FILTER WORDS in your email. This will be necessary if a topic comes up that you don't want to see any mentions of.

The knowledge of how to BLOCK PEOPLE in your email. This will be very important. If someone joins this email group who you do not want to interact with, it will be up to you to BLOCK them so that you do NOT see their messages. (If they are bad enough to evade the block with multiple burner accounts, that's what you have a burner account for. Change it, and share the new one only with those you trust not to give it to them.)

Every person in the group will be effectively a "moderator" of the group, able to remove people from it by cutting their email addresses out of the "To" field. Members will all have equal "moderator" privileges, each able to tailor the group to their own needs.

This means the group may naturally split, over time, into other groups, each one removing some people and adding others. Some will overlap, some won't. This is good! This is, in my opinion, what online interaction SHOULD be like! There should be MANY groups like this!

In this way, we can keep online discussion alive, no matter WHAT happens to any of the social media websites.

If the dystopia got bad enough to shut down email, we could even continue with postal mail and photocopies, like they did in the days of print-zine fanfiction.

If it looks like the dystopia is gonna come for postal mail too, we'll use the connection we have to preserve whatever contacts we can with people who live near us.

Not saying it's GONNA get that bad. But these steps of preparation are good no matter exactly what kind of bad stuff happens.

As long as some organized form of communication still exists, we'll have a place where it's at least a little safer to be your true self…

to plan events and meetups…

and maybe even activities a little too risque to make the final cut of a 1982 Disney movie.

They're trying to censor us. We want a Free System. So we're gonna fight back.

For the Users. Not the corporations.

Peace out, programs. <3

#tron #tronblr #tron 1982 #userworldproblems #diy punk #censorship #kosa #internet literacy #email #solutions

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smileyerim · 1 year

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lifestyles of the rich and famous

Your coworkers are really tired of hearing you pine over a guy who doesn’t want you, so they decide it’s finally time to do something about it. Thankfully the hot young son of the country club’s owner just walked in the door and sat at your bar.

main pairing: rich boy!johnny suh x bartender!reader

minor pairing: fuckboy!jaehyun x reader

genre: fluff, suggestive, slight angst !!MDNI!!

length: 8k

warnings: adults having sex, smoking weed, drinking alcohol, vaping, jaehyun is a lying fuckboy

net tags: @kflixnet @neowritingsnet

if you repost or translate my work i’ll feed you to the metaphorical sharks (aka angry tumblr writers)

You’re a simple girl with simple desires, you like to think. You’re not demanding, nor are your dating requirements long or difficult to meet.

So when the guy you’ve been seeing for a couple of weeks decides that now of all times is the most appropriate time to begin speaking to you with short responses and leave you on read for hours on end, you’re pissed.

So much so that you feel validated enough in your desire to tell him off to your friends/coworkers but they seem to have differing opinions.

“I mean, he’s not your boyfriend Y/N.” Doyoung, always too blunt for his own good, says and it makes a groan escape your chest as you let your head fall onto Yerim’s shoulder in a painful thud.

“Thanks, Doyoung.” You say, speech mumbled against Yerim’s cotton polo uniform.

“You need a rebound. Let this inconsistent and slimy motherfucker go.” Yerim says and you hum in response, still leaning into her shoulder from your position behind her back.

“I don’t want another guy, I want Jaehyun.”

You’re startled into standing up straight by the reverberating banging sound of a hand coming into contact with the metal table separating you two from Doyoung.

“Too bad,” Doyoung says, looking directly into your eyes “He’s not yours so just let it go!”

You stare back with wide eyes and Yerim interjects, turning to lean against the table behind her and face you.

“He’s right, babe. It’s time to let him go. You don’t deserve to be led on like this.” Yerim says with her usual gentle tone of voice and you frown, looking down at the ugly shoes your boss forces you to wear behind the bar.

“You’re right. You’re both right.” You say, turning to give Doyoung your scariest look, “You’re incredibly cruel about it, but you’re right.”

—

Sure, your friends may have been right about your need to leave Jaehyun in the dust and move on to bigger and better things but you’re weak and never claimed not to be.

That’s why you choose to spend the last five minutes of your thirty minute break in the corner of the staff restroom taking and then deleting what feels like fifty Snapchat pictures.

Emerging from the restroom you’re immediately faced with Yerim with her arms crossed across her chest, staring you down in the way that communicates that she knows exactly what you were just getting up to.

“Either you just took the fattest shit of your life, or you were just texting Jaehyun.”

You don’t respond, brushing your shoulder on hers to pass her and clock back in.

—

With your last customer served her jack and coke, you decide it’s finally time to check your phone again. Forty five minutes is enough time for a man to come to his senses, open your Snapchat, and respond with an overly enthusiastic compliment and apology for being so unavailable, right?

Before you can even allow your phone to scan your face, it’s being snatched out of your hand.

“What the fuck!” You exclaim, hand chasing Yerim’s in an unattractive and unsuccessful flail.

“No, you aren’t doing this.” She chastises with one finger pointing at you. She’s somehow slipped your phone to somewhere you can’t spot it with a quick scan of your eyes up and down her now apron-clad body.

“You can have it back after your shift.” She says and you roll your eyes at her, leaning your hip uncomfortably into the short fridge behind the bar.

“Come on Yerim, that’s in three hours. What if he responds and asks me to hangout? That won’t be nearly enough time to get ready and by then he will have made other plans and-“ you ramble your embarrassing train of thought.

“Hush, you’re embarrassing yourself in front of a cute guy.”

You frown, arms crossing your chest as you follow Yerim’s line of sight to a bar stool behind you currently taken by oh- an extremely attractive guy with long brown hair tucked behind his ears. He’s waiting patiently for... well, you.

“Go serve him.” She says once you whip your head back over to face her again.

“Fuck.” You groan, grabbing your sanitizing towel and pretending to wipe down the bar in an act of stubborn defiance to Yerim and procrastination.

You know him, you’d be a fool if you didn’t. He’s what some would call a country club celebrity with how he’s gained recognition for being the best singles tennis player and for his last name being on the front of the building. His family photos are littering the hallways, a particularly precious photo of him as a kid with a half melted ice cream cone is situated on the front door of the child care center.

His father owns the country club, and he is much cuter in person than he is in his old family photos. He doesn’t visit your bar ever, so you’re intrigued to know why he’s here.

“Oh,” Yerim says stepping into your bubble and combing her fingers through your knotted hair, “go fix your hair first.” She says and you roll your eyes, hand blindly grasping at your back pocket in search of your cell phone.

“Here,” she says, handing you her bulky iPhone with some Sanrio phone case, “go in the back.” You roll your eyes again at her mistrust of you before following her orders, quickly rushing into the kitchen and pulling up her front camera to inspect your appearance.

Emerging from the kitchen, you feel a pair of eyes on you immediately and you look right back, making unexpected eye contact with the handsome man who’s been waiting. You flash him your brightest customer service smile before rushing over to stand across from him at the bar.

“Hey, sorry about that,” he waves you off in dismissal of your apology before smiling at you, “what can I get for you?”

He’s still smiling a very polite smile, his eyes shining with kindness and it makes you weak in the knees. Working at a country club comes with a lot of perks, but those perks were bought with a price. The price being dealing with the type of people that belong to a country club, the rudest and most stuck up wealthy people in your town. You don’t meet people like him so often, genuinely kind people.

“I’ll take a vodka soda with extra lime whenever you find the time.” He smiles at you again and you actually feel your knees buckling at his kindness.

“Premium or well?” You respond out of habit, your brain fogging with his presence. He shoots you an unbelievable look that makes you both laugh. Forgoing an immediate response, you shake your head and scoff at yourself when you grab a glass to pour ice into.

“Top shelf, duh, sorry again.” You apologize as you press the sparkling water button on your soda gun.

“Stop apologizing so much!” He says and you look up from his drink to catch his kind eyes staring back at you in a way that makes you want to blush.

“I-I don’t know what to say.” You say, now in front of him situating the lime wedge on the side of his glass.

He takes a sip before responding. “I just know how understaffed you are.”

You lean an elbow up on the bar, “I didn’t know it was that obvious.” Your cheeks flare up with another blush.

“It isn’t!” He clarifies, hand coming down to grab at your forearm in reassurance. You ignore sparks that shoot from his contact with your skin.

“I just-“ He says, removing his hand to play with the branded cocktail napkin under his glass, “sometimes they actually put me to work around here and I know how small your staff is.”

You hum, pensive frown on your face as you look around. You are short staffed.

“So what work do they make you do?” You tease, not really wanting this conversation to end.

“Dad tries to put my accounting degree to work by making me do our books every once in a while, but more recently he’s got me planning for the new garden. As if I would know anything about landscaping.”

You laugh at his charming joke, taking a moment just to steal a quick once over his appearance. He’s wearing a blue polo with some brands insignia stitched onto the breast pocket, a watch you’re assuming is very expensive from a luxury brand on his right wrist, and a tennis racket cover placed on the barstool next to him. He’s handsome, of course, with his kind eyes and long brown hair tucked behind his surprisingly pierced ears.

“Well I’ve been a bartender since college. So I wish I could be of more assistance, but I can’t offer any help.” You quip with a sigh and he smiles back.

“You have your degree, huh? What’re you doing here?” You find it charming that he’s actually engaging you in conversation.

“All I said was that I was in college, not that I finished.” You say, slight embarrassment lacing your voice.

“Well, it’s a good thing you didn’t finish.” He says and you shoot him a look urging him on to explain further.

He smirks at your offense before continuing, “We wouldn’t have met if you didn’t work here, and I don’t know about you, but I’m quite enjoying your company.”

A blush creeps it’s way up your neck, a coy expression on your face as your head drops down to stare at the sanitization bucket behind the bar.

“Gotta go, I have a tennis lesson in fifteen.” He says, standing and taking another sip of his drink.

“See you around.” He says with a final look and you nod, waving him off.

No more than 30 seconds after you watch his tall figure leave the restaurant, you see him slowly jogging back towards the bar.

“What’s your name?” He says, wrist resting on the back of the barstool opposite of you.

With a grin you tell him your name and he replies with a warm smile.

“I’m Johnny.”

“Nice to meet you, Johnny.” Your voice light with affection.

He nods at you, reaching into his wallet and digging out a five dollar bill, throwing it on the bar and ignoring your shouts of protest as he leaves the restaurant for the final time.

Later that evening when you check your phone after Yerim slides it at you from across the bar, you notice that Jaehyun still hasn’t opened your photo.

Surprisingly, though, you don’t care nearly as much as you expected to; with the thoughts of a very tall and handsome tennis player in the back of your mind.

—

Johnny comes by a lot more often after your first interaction, and you’re just a little too aware to pretend like you don’t know what for. He comes in, same bashful smile on his face as always, sits down, waits patiently for your attention, spends at least an hour or two chatting with you, and then leaving a five dollar bill on the bar.

Today’s no different, except that it’s been 98 hours since Jaehyun last spoke to you and you’re feeling antsy for attention.

“Johnny, hi!” You chirp out, leaping up out of your stool to walk over to the same section of the bar he always sits at.

“Someone’s a happy girl.” He snickers as he sits down.

“Yes she is, how did you know?” You tease, teeth sinking into your top lip.

“So what’s the good news? What’s got you so happy?” He says, smile painting his face. He thinks you’re cute.

“My favorite customer walked in.” You say, cheeky smile on your face as you look dead into his eyes from beneath your eyelashes.

He pretends to be touched, as his hand flies up to press against his chest in an overly dramatic way that makes you laugh and drop your flirty act.

“I have a proposal for you.” He leans in, eyes sparkling.

“What is it?” You blush.

“Let’s go swimming tonight!” He whisper shouts.

You tilt your head in confusion when you look up at him, “the pool closed at 4.”

“Not when you fucking own the pool, Y/N!” He leans in, eyes anticipating.

He’s so cute this way, and it feels really nice to be wanted when you’ve been getting ignored so obviously by the man you think you want.

It’s a no brainer.

“Let’s go!” You say after rolling your eyes and Johnny stands up on the foot bar of the stool, hands up in the air in victory.

You giggle as you swat a dry towel at his now exposed lower torso to encourage him to sit back down. Once he’s sat, he clears his throat and looks around with wide eyes in fake suspicion, and it just makes you laugh harder. For a moment your eyes meet as you two laugh, and it forces the butterflies in your belly to awaken and flutter in their cage.

He seems to have felt the moment shift too, as his smile falters for a second before going back to his wide grin.

“I’ll be back when you’re done.” Johnny says, grabbing his drink, tossing a five dollar bill on the bar, winking, and then quickly exiting the bar.

Two hours later, the bar is absolutely dead with zero customers in sight. You still have ten minutes to go of your shift, yet you’ve already completed all of your closing duties, just sitting by and waiting.

“Damn, what did you do to everyone?” The familiar voice shouts from the entrance of the bar and you smile. Finally, you think.

“You’re early, I still have a couple minutes to go.” You pout as he approaches the bar.

“Seriously? But nobody’s here. Let’s just go.” He draws out the ‘o’ sound, leaning his tall body over the bar to get in your face.

“Johnny, I’m not breaking two staff rules tonight.” You wave him off and he lets out a humph sound as he sits.

A mischievous smile then moves over his face as he opens a wallet, and hands you a twenty dollar bill.

You grab it between your pointer and middle finger and eye him suspiciously, “What’s this for?”

He smiles even wider, he’d wanted you to ask. “I wanna buy my favorite bartender a drink on the last ten minutes of her shift. Is that okay?”

You smile, waltzing over to the cash register and opening a tab. If Johnny wants you to enjoy your evening, who are you to stop him from making that happen?

Forty minutes and two more drinks downed, the two of you are finally tip toeing down the cobblestone path to the pool deck.

Johnny looks over his shoulder at you with a playful glint in his eyes as he hushes you.

“Whatever happened to ‘there is no closing time, I own the place!’?” You chastise, weak fists coming in contact to the back of his shoulder.

“I- oh shit,” he says, arm flying out to stop you in your tracks, but of course you drunkenly stumble right into his arm anyways.

He’s got a focused look on his face, and his chin is tilted up as if he’s listening out for someone. The coast is clear, obviously, when Johnny begins walking now with you two side by side.

“I may have fibbed about the no rules thing.” You roll your eyes at him in the dark. Of course he lied about it, you wouldn’t be here sneaking around after sundown if he wasn’t.

“No fucking shit.” you snap, but quickly dissolve into drunk giggles when he makes an offended face at you. He’s been doing that a lot lately, making you laugh uncontrollably and feel giddy like a little girl with a crush.

“Gimme your jacket.” Johnny says and you frown, immediately shaking your head no. The evening breeze is just a little too cold for your liking.

“Come on, I gotta get the gate open.” He whines, gesturing towards the locked gate in front of you.

With another frown on your drunk face, you shimmy your athletic jacket off your shoulders and hand it to Johnny, who quickly grabs the jacket by the two arm holes creating a makeshift hook. He uses his height to his advantage (and frankly, for your visual enjoyment) to lean over the gate and Macgyver the door to open with one swift pull of the jacket over the stem of the door handle.

The view is great, you must add. His t-shirt has ridden up a bit exposing a small sliver of his midriff and seeing him use his height so smoothly is making you feel weak in the knees. You can’t help it, you’re drunk and a very attractive man is being just so manly in front of your eyes.

When the door pops open, you let out a squeal of excitement and he laughs, pushing the door open for you to step in before him.

“So that tiny fib about no rules really was a big fib, huh?” You tease as you strip off the oversized tee shirt you were using as a coverup.

It takes him a moment to respond, he’s a little distracted by the sight of your body to have heard your teasing remark.

“I— uh, sorry?” He says, bashful smile on his face as he strips out of his own tank top, and approaches you with a flirty smile on his face.

He’s close enough to touch you, but he doesn’t, and that makes your breath catch in your throat. He’s got a look on his face that you don’t recognize, and that bothers you a bit, but you brush it off.

You’re the first to run away and plunge into the deep end of the pool, your ears filling with the roaring sound of your body splitting the previously still water. Before you even have the chance to notice the cool water causing goosebumps to rise on your skin, Johnny’s jumping in after you, sending suffocating waves in your direction.

You squeal again, swatting the water towards him when he resurfaces, and running away towards the shallow end so you can stand on your flat feet.

He follows you, of course he does, and soon enough he’s standing in front of you with his whole upper body exposed above the water. You aren’t sure how you’ve never taken long enough to notice his height before, but it’s definitely on your radar now.

“Hey.” He smiles down at you, droplets of water dripping down from where they had collected on the end of his long dark hair.

“Hi,” you whisper up at him. The tension from before is here again as you stare up at him. Like before, he’s close enough to touch you, and you desperately want to feel his hands on your waist, but he doesn’t. Too afraid of what this would mean, of where you are now and where things may be going.

Fuck, you think, you might like Johnny.

You’re a simple girl with simple emotions and simple responses to those emotions. So what do you do at this realization?

Well, you splash him right in his stupid handsome face, of course.

He retaliates almost immediately by stepping back and splashing you with far more aggression than you did with him.

“Hey, you’re not playing fair!” You scream as you swat blindly at the water, too afraid to open your eyes and get water in them. You’ve already got a mouth full of chlorine from the laughing you’re doing, you don’t want the stinging feeling in your eyes too.

“You started it!” He shouts from the other side of the pool, not letting up, even for a moment, for you to breathe.

“Truce! Truce!” You call out over the noise, stumbling over your own feet below the water, gently floating back until your upper back is resting against the cold and hard concrete edge of the pool.

He begins to laugh when he sees your panicked face, moving in closer to you to tease you up close.

“Man, you fucking destroyed me. How can someone be good at splashing water?” You exclaim, defeated.

A smile is still on his face as he slowly takes a couple extra steps into your space.

“Tennis, baby.” He says, exaggerating his point by mimicking a down swing, hand dipping below the water and splashing up at you again.

You let out a screech, “I called a truce!”

He just chuckles, hands coming up in defense as he steps in closer with a playful look on his face. His eyes dip down to the cleavage exposed by your bikini top, only for a moment, before flicking up to look into your (still panicked) eyes.

He doesn’t say anything as he reaches his destination, toes almost touching below the water. His hands come up on either side of you to rest on the edge of the pool, your faces nearly inches apart. If the cold water of the pool hadn’t cooled you off so much, you’d be blushing like crazy. Your heartbeat does pick up again as he looks down at you.

Is he about to kiss you? He looks like he wants to, and you aren’t sure if you’d have the willpower to stop him if he tried.

Jaehyun crosses your mind at that moment. Sure, you aren’t official, but you think you'd like to be. How would he feel knowing you’re having a late night crime date with the wealthy son of your boss?

With the unmistakable look of want that flashes across Johnny’s eyes, you feel yourself begin to crumble. If you had wanted your brain to go back to Jaehyun in this moment you aren’t sure you’d be able to, too entranced under Johnny's spell. How can you still smell his woody cologne even after he got wet? Maybe that’s just his natural scent. The prospect of that being true sparks a fire of desire in your belly.

He’s leaning in now, figuring he had given you enough opportunities to push him off and away from you.

Of course, as if the universe is sending you a message, you hear another voice pierce through and pop the bubble you’ve created with Johnny.

“Hey, what’s going on in there!”

—

You haven’t been able to get last night off your mind, pulling all of your best distraction techniques out.

You tried to speak to Doyoung, but he had told you that your credits for emotional support friend had run out for the month, so that was a bust. You had tried to focus on work, but today was slow with the weekend just around the corner. You had even resorted to scrolling on Instagram, but then an ad for a pool cleaning company had come up, and your brain went straight back to the almost-kiss that you and Johnny nearly shared.

You hadn’t tried one thing though, but you think it would be a pretty shitty method.

Fuck it, you think, Johnny had left you wanting the company of a warm body and you know just the person to text.

Y/N: hey

Y/N: its been a min

You sit anxiously, biting at your freshly done manicure. This was one way to get your mind off of him, overwhelming anxiety and anticipation.

Jaehyun: ik lol sorry. u kno how work gets

Thank God, you think as you type out your next message.

Y/N: can i come over tn? i wanna hang out.

He responds almost immediately. He knew exactly what you were asking him for.

Jaehyun: ya. see u then ;)

Having the plans solidified with Jaehyun doesn’t feel the way you had originally thought they would, a sneaking feeling of guilt coming up over you.

What’s gotten into you? It’s almost as if you’ve forgotten who you’re pursuing.

It’s still Jaehyun, right?

It must be, since he’s the guy who you’ve been going out with for weeks, and have cried endless tears over. Johnny is just a friend. A friend who almost kissed you last night, but ultimately just a friend. You shouldn’t feel guilty for continuing to pursue Jaehyun, he’s the guy you want.

At least that’s what you tell yourself.

—

The sky is dark when you finally pull up to parallel park in front of Jaehyun’s house. You’re nervous for some reason, your palms slick against your steering wheel. It’s even more embarrassing that you didn’t have time after work to change, so you’re sitting in your usual white tennis skirt and club branded polo shirt.

You can hear shouts when you first approach the door, the noise startling you so bad you question if going inside is even the right choice. You decide the best call is to just text him that you’ve arrived.

Almost immediately after you hit send, you hear a loud hushing sound and a voice whisper-shout, “Shut the fuck up! Haechan, shut the fuck up. I have someone at the door.” and then a chorus of teasing “ooh”’s from the other voices.

It makes you smile at the boyish charm of Jaehyun caring, and that’s how he finds you when he opens the door. He’s barefoot and wearing grey sweatpants and a white tee shirt with a stretched out neckline from years of wear. His hair is wet, and his eyes are drooping like he had been smoking.

“Hey, babe.” He says and invites you into the now quiet home. You follow him down the dark hallway until you finally see on your left is a living room full of 6 men, all splayed out on different mismatched pieces of furniture, some MMA fight playing on the TV. The stale scent of marijuana lingers in the air, reinforced by the big blue and green water marble design bong on the coffee table.

“We’ll be in my room.” Jaehyun addresses the crowd, and a loud response of ooh’s and laughter get thrown in your direction. Jaehyun pushes you gently towards the hallway to the right of you, and you hear snickering from Jaehyun and more hushed whispers.

“Ignore them, they’re fucking weird.” Jaehyun whispers in your ear from behind. You can’t help but agree, but wonder if he has the self awareness to know that he’s acting just as weird as they are.

His room looks exactly how you expected it to, with a king sized mattress sitting atop a tall box spring on the floor directly adjacent to the door, a dresser across from the bed with some Netflix show quietly playing on the large TV. There’s purple LED lights stuck unevenly to the perimeter of the walls.

From the moment that the door is shut and locked, his hands are low on your hips. Your heartbeat picks up in speed at the contact, turning around to face him.

“Hi.” He says, smug smile on his face as he leans down to kiss you. It’s a gentle peck, and it makes a blush creep up and land on your cheeks. You hope the dim lighting hides your color.

“Hey, it’s been a while huh?” You jab, hands coming up to rest the palms of your hands against his firm pecs. You can feel his heartbeat through your left hand, it’s steady and slow cadence contrasting to your fast and hard heartbeat.

He raises one eyebrow at you, his hand trailing down to grab at your ass, “Come on baby,” he growls out before nudging his way into your neck to press a warm kiss to the space next to your carotid artery. “Don’t be like that. You know I’m busy.”

You melt at the feeling of his tongue poking out and licking a small stripe up your neck, sucking in the skin immediately after.

Confusingly, Johnny crosses your mind, and the idea of him seeing you with a hickey on your neck embarrasses you so bad that you tell Jaehyun not to mark you.

“Boring, but okay.” Is all he says before grabbing you by your hand and leading you to lie down on his bed.

You’re putty in his hands the moment he has you both naked. His skillful hands, mouth, and dick take you down like you’ve never been taken before. You’ve never moaned that loud or experienced such pleasure at the hands of a man. It’s so good, it makes you wonder why you didn’t do this earlier, but then you remember that he’s never invited you over before.

He’s never wanted you here before now. That must mean something, right? That he waited until after you had already gotten to know one another before having sex with you?

That means he likes you and wants to take you seriously, right?

In the afterglow of your orgasm, your head lies uncomfortably on Jaehyun’s bare chest. You make quiet and unfamiliar chit chat with Jaehyun until you’ve both caught your breaths.

Although you just had the best orgasm of your life, the post-nut clarity is hitting you like a bus, his hands feeling too foreign around your body, now suddenly hyper aware of the smeared remains of cum on your back drying down.

“Hey, uh, I hate to be that guy but I have a really early meeting at work tomorrow so,” he says, cold hands tucking your hair behind your ear.

“Oh,” is all you say, suddenly feeling far too embarrassed of your naked body in front of the man, “do you want me to leave?”

He just frowns and takes a moment to read the look between your eyes before sighing loudly and looking away, his focus now taken by Money Heist playing on the TV near the foot of his bed.

“I don’t want you to leave,” he lies and you can see right through it with the way his arms are slowly letting go of you, and how he won’t look you in the eyes.

“I just have work, baby. You get it right?” He says, and you have no choice but to nod silently, ignoring the deep sting in your chest and the tightness in your throat. It’s odd that although the one thing you want to do is run, him asking you to leave makes it hurt.

You get dressed quickly and awkwardly as he lies on the bed, fishing a vape out from his bedside table drawer and taking a few big hits, eyes staring straight ahead at the TV.

“I’m gonna go now.” You whisper, one hand on the door in a silent beg that he would hurry up and get dressed to walk you to the door.

He looks over at you, charming smile on his face as he sits up and awkwardly crawls across his bed to sit on the edge in front of you, his soft dick on display. You’d find him pathetic if you weren’t under him five minutes ago.

He leans in and places a hard and emotionless kiss to your lips. His kisses now feel nothing like they did earlier today, and you wonder if post-nut clarity could really be this powerful.

“I’ll see you.” He says, eyes scanning your body up and down.

You roll your eyes the moment you’re not facing him, and walk straight out his front door, ignoring the whoops and hollers from his roommates who definitely heard you and Jaehyun.

None of them seem to mind that you’re unaccompanied, or as if they were expecting anything different. Then again, why should they care? Jaehyun never introduced you to them.

When you finally slide into the drivers side of your car, and your cold and wet panties make uncomfortable contact with the inside of your upper left thigh, the sensation alone is enough to make you burst into hot tears.

Later that evening when you’re lying in bed after a long, hot shower and a motivational phone call with Yerim, you send him a text.

Y/N: we shouldn’t see each other anymore.

Read: 2:46AM

—

Johnny finds you the next day crouching behind the bar with your forehead in your hands. You didn’t get nearly enough sleep last night, and you’re feeling hungover after the whirlwind of confusing emotions you’ve felt over the last couple of days.

“Tough shift?” He says, eyes glimmering with amusement as he looks down at you hiding behind the bar.

“The worst.” You say, standing up straight and grabbing a glass to make him his usual drink.

“Wait,” he says, hand grabbing your wrist as you go to pour the soda in the iced glass.

“I have something that might chill you out. Wanna join me when your shift is up?” He says and you smile, reading right through his invitation and nodding with an appreciative smile on your face.

The “thing”, of course, is a perfectly rolled joint. You can’t help yourself but smile at his playful look as he presents it to you as you both sit in the front seat of some random golf cart overlooking the sunset as it falls down over the man-made lake that is central to the entire property.

He sparks it up for you in the way only a gentleman does, laughing at your antics when you pinch your fingers in a silly way to urge him to pass the joint onto you.

After a couple of passes back and forth in silence, only the whooshing sound of the breeze and the occasional tapping sound in the background as golfers across the way tee off, Johnny opens the conversation.

“So, miss Y/N,” you ignore the butterflies that erupt when he says your name in that way, “what made today so difficult?”

Ah, that. Your fuzzy brain thinks. You aren’t quite sure yet if you’re ready to divulge the details of your failed fling to your blooming crush, but you know what they say, intoxicated words are sober thoughts. And he’s right here offering to listen in a way that your friends are too fed up with you to listen to anymore, so you decide to tell him.

“I broke things off with a guy I’ve been seeing for a while.” You decide to keep it short and leave out all the embarrassing details.

“Ah,” he says as he stretches out, his arm coming to rest on the seat back behind you, deciding to let the joint die out. His arm is not around your shoulder, but a part of you really wishes it was.

“He sounds like an idiot.” He says, eyes drooping as he gives you a silly high smile.

You scoff, “He’s not an idiot for not wanting me.” He’s an idiot for other reasons, but you aren’t willing to share that just yet.

Johnny looks away from you and back out to the sunset, “Nah, he really really is. You’re a catch.”

The butterflies in your belly erupt as you swallow, staring at the side of his face with no thoughts of what to say next crossing your mind.

“Thanks.” Is what you finally croak out, reaching for the dead joint sitting on the short dashboard in front of you. When you lean back to light the joint, there’s something blocking your back from hitting the seat.

You look over at Johnny, your shoulders brushing his elbow and forearm from behind you. He smirks and gives you a side eye before snaking his arm up so that it rests across your shoulder. You don’t say anything at the new warmth and weight of his arm on you, so you just smile into the joint as you bring the lighter up to the end.

Johnny clearly isn’t reconciled with your conversation, so he continues with his compliments. He's hoping with everything in him that you pick up on his hints so he doesn’t need to continue to be so bold.

“You deserve a guy that’s gonna stick around.” He says, grabbing the newly lit joint from your fingers.

You scoff once more, scooting over to be a little closer to him on the seat as he takes a long drag, letting the slight spring breeze carry the smoke away out of his lips as he exhales.

“Try just a guy to stick.” You say with a dry chuckle, “we weren’t even official.”

Johnny hums and nods his head in understanding, passing the joint back to you.

“You fuck him?” He asks, and you choke on your hit. Coughing out the smoke in an unattractive spittle.

“What did you say?” You ask, now facing Johnny fully in the seat, staring between his pink and spacey eyes.

“I asked if you had slept with him.” Johnny nods, speaking slower than before. He looks as if this comment is no big deal to him, like this is casual conversation between you two.

Before you even think about it, you feel the flirty words leave your lips, “And if I did?”

His eyebrows raise as he grins at you, suppressing a laugh. He had gotten exactly what he wanted, “Was it good?”

You break eye contact this time, looking over the lake, “Maybe.” You shrug.

“See that explains why a stunning girl like you would stay with a loser like him.”

You say nothing in response, choosing to stare ahead at the golfers across the lake, the oldest gentleman of the pack teeing up his very poor shot.

Johnny takes a pause before speaking an unwelcome comment, “You need a guy that’ll stick around and dick you down.”

You scoff out another laugh, looking at him again with a disbelieving stare.

“Oh yeah? Where would I find that.” You spit the last word with bitterness, head falling to look at the hangnail you had been picking at between passes of the joint.

“Here, actually.” You stare at him in shock before he clarifies further,

“Like... me. I’m offering myself up. Only if you want, I mean.”

It takes you a minute to process what he says before it finally hits you, and it hits you hard.

You’re usually the overthinking type, if that wasn’t obvious enough, but for the first time in your life you decide to finally make an impulsive decision. You owe it to yourself and your vagina, you figure.

When your lips hit his, it takes him a moment to process what you had just done, but soon enough he’s kissing you back with a passion that makes you moan embarrassingly against his lips. He’s a soft, yet passionate kisser, allowing you to show him the ropes before taking the lead and kissing you exactly how he likes.

He’s also a surprisingly dry kisser, choosing to wait longer than you usually would to use his tongue on you. Even after a couple of flirty swipes of your tongue across his bottom lip he doesn’t give in, choosing to show you his softer side first with the slow and meaningful passes of his lips over yours.

It’s like a switch gets flipped when he does finally decide to allow your tongue to enter his mouth. He grabs you instantly by the back of your neck and waist, and pull you closer into him as your tongues dance. You moan, feeling like putty already in his hold. You’re far too overwhelmed by the feeling of the best kiss you’ve ever been given to be even tempted to touch him yet, your hands sitting prettily around his neck, allowing the pressure and the closeness to be decided by him.

His hands fumble a moment before they find your hips, moving gently over your ass to grab a hold of the back of your upper thighs to situate you on his lap. The change in position gives you an opportunity to lean back and steal a look at the man beneath you.

When you had first met Johnny you had initially only recognized his handsomeness and not much else. That’s how it began, attraction and nothing more. Overtime, however, you’ve gotten to actually know more about Johnny than his regular drink order at the bar, and what began as a simple attraction slowly grew into genuine interest. So by being here, in the lap of the man that you’re interested in, aren’t you repeating same old mistakes?

Are you repeating the same mistakes you made with Jaehyun?

“Baby,” Johnny says, reading your expression after you had stared at him for a little too long.

You hum in response, still a bit caught up in your head.

“I’m not just trying to hook up here. Do you know that?” He says, hands leaving your ass to rest gently on your waist. You frown in response, shaking your head ‘no’ to his question.

“I told you before, you need a guy who can dick you down and stick around. I wanna stick around.” He says, an embarrassed smile resting on his pink cheeks.

“What?” You say in response, and he just lets his head fall back against the seat in frustration.

“I like you, okay?” Your jaw drops, “and I also want to fuck you right now. So can we do that?” You laugh in response, fingers threading to hold him by the back of his neck, leaning him slightly into you.

“We can definitely go do that.” You giggle and he quickly smiles, leaning up to press a quick peck to your lips before swiftly (and awkwardly) moving you off of him so he can start up the golf cart and drive you both, as quickly as possible, back to the lobby of the country club.

—

Johnny doesn't give you long to take in the sight of his luxury apartment before his lips are on yours again. He has the same passion from before, but slightly elevated. Like he had worked himself up on the drive over.

When he picks you up, and tosses you lightly down on his plush leather sofa, you notice something. The absence of purple lights. When Johnny later picks you up and carries you to his bedroom, you make another note. A bed with a bed frame and headboard.

When you both reach your peaks of pleasure, you don't feel regretful and dirty, you feel alive. When you step into the granite tiled shower, you don't feel gross, you feel giddy when he joins you. When you fall asleep with your head on his chest, you don't dream of Jaehyun, you see flashes of Johnny.

—

The next morning when Johnny walks you out to your car, kisses you on the forehead, and tells you to text him when you get home, an unmistakable feeling washes over you.

The overwhelming feeling of something very big, and important beginning.

Jaehyun’s reaction to finding out about Johnny and Y/N

a/n: sorry there’s no actual smut, I decided at the last minute to drop both sex scenes for the overall plot and flow. if you’d like me to post the sex scenes as one shots lmk and I’ll get on it! Feedback is always welcomed and appreciated :)

taglist: @dazzlingsya @oopstoshi @neolovely @hopefulchick @thysrs @oimqrks @lydinews @xiaomeilovespizza @got-sum-badhabits @inbluehour @shiningnono @soonnypeach @onlyrosyjohnny @reader221 @matchahyuck @9763vill @svntdream @johnbananaa-blogg @multifandombtvhh @jeonwonuniverse @justineasian

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musings-of-a-rose · 4 months

Text

Pairing: Lucien Flores x f!reader

Word Count: 5700+

Rating: Mature - 18+ ONLY!

Warnings: Just like ao3, “creator chooses not to use warnings.” If you click Keep Reading, that means you agree that you’re the age to handle mature themes. Also by clicking Keep Reading, you understand warnings may not be complete in order to avoid spoilers for the story.

Notes: I know. We have 2 pictures and a one-sentence movie description. And yet, here I am, being a slut for this man’s characters. @rhoorl, this is for you!

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**Reader is not described

Main Masterlist

Lucien Flores Masterlist

Great. Another dinner party. I swear my roommate is trying to kill me.

“Come on. It'll be fun, Decaf!”

“You know I hate that nickname, right?”

Claudia chuckles, reaching out to squeeze my arm. “Then stop being so-” she gestures with her free hand “-blah.”

“Ouch.”

Claudia sighs. “You know what I mean. Ever since Dan you just haven’t been..the same.”

I stiffen at the mention of my ex’s name. “He put me through hell, Claudia.”

She nods, placing her hand back on my arm in a placating gesture. “No, of course! He was an asshole! But you shouldn’t stop living your life because of him.”

I pinch the bridge of my nose, exhaling loudly. “I know that. But I just…need some time. And having a dinner party every other weekend is not helping.”

She blows a raspberry with her tongue. “You know you love my parties. Besides, they help you loosen up.”

They don’t. I pretend to drink while my friends get drunk, eventually leaving when the party gets too much to handle. It’s not that they’re mean or anything. I just don’t enjoy being the only sober person in a room full of inebriated people.

“And besides, Marcos specifically requested your famous tiramisu for dessert!” She gives me a pointed look, a smirk tugging at the corners of her mouth.

“I don’t-”

“We can go shopping tonight! Maybe Marcos can come over to uh, help.” She winks at me, and that smirk finally pops up.

“I’ll make the dessert but I’m not going. I mean it this time, Claudia.”

I sigh, looking at my reflection in the mirror as I smooth down my simple black dress. I say no and somehow I always end up going. How does she do that?

The doorbell rings and I hear the faint excited tone of Claudia welcoming someone in. I do one last quick hair check and force a smile on my face, taking a moment to look in the mirror to make sure it doesn’t look too forced before I head downstairs, closing my door behind me.

“Decaf! There you are! Marcos is in the kitchen. Why don’t you help him with the wine he brought?” Claudia turns to put Marcos’s coat and umbrella on the coat stand, Marcos anticipating the rain that’s forecasted to come at some point.

“Wine isn’t really my-”

“There she is!” Marcos pops his head out of the kitchen, flashing me a brilliant smile. “Could you get the wine opener for me?”

Fake smile affixed, I nod. “Sure.” I follow him into the kitchen, turning to glare at Claudia over my shoulder who smiles and gestures towards Marcos before turning back to answer the next knock at the door.

I grab the automatic wine opener from the drawer, Marcos smiling at me as I hold it up. “Thanks so much, D!” Well, at least it was better than Decaf. Even though I knew he knew where the opener was.

“Of course. Do you remember how to work this thing?”

“I think so.” He takes the wine opener from me, gently brushing his fingers against mine in a not so subtle hint of flirting. He affixes the opener on the bottle and presses the button, watching as the electric opener does its thing.

It’s not that I don’t like Marcos. He’s attractive, nice, deep hazel eyes, and obviously likes me. He’s smart too, starting up his own bio med tech company with just an idea and a promise. I could be content with him, I guess. If it wasn’t for this odd feeling at the back of my brain about him, something I could never pinpoint exactly. Even so, I’m just not attracted to him no matter how hard I tried. And I promised myself after Dan that I wouldn’t settle just so I didn’t feel lonely anymore.

“You look beautiful tonight, D. That dress fits you perfectly.”

I smile, knowing it doesn’t quite reach my eyes. “Thanks, Marcos. How’s work? The prototype coming along?”

He smiles and launches into a long winded explanation of what exactly was going on as he follows me around the kitchen, helping me set the food on the table while Claudia pours wine and passes out hors d'oeuvres for the other guests - there are about 12 of us total. He’s cute when he talks so passionately, but again I don’t feel any connection. And the feeling at the back of my brain scratches at me again, but I push it down, putting another smile on my face.

Dinner starts, an appetizer of vegetable soup ladeled into bowls. Claudia is every bit the chef her mother is and more, making even the simplest dishes delectable. When the roast comes, a recipe passed down several generations in her family, another knock raps at the door. Claudia looks around at everyone, mentally counting before looking at me, her eyebrows raised in a are you expecting someone? Question. I shake my head, Claudia starting to push her chair back but I stand, placing my napkin on the side of my plate.

“I got it, Claud.”

Conversations resume behind me as I leave the room, walking down the hall to the front door. A quick glance out of the peephole shows me a man, silky button up shirt with a print of random brushes strokes stretching across his broad shoulders as he puts a cigarette out on the front steps, pushing his shoe into it. I slide the lock back and crack the door open, his eyes snapping up to my face and the air rushes from my lungs when I meet his gaze. Dark brown eyes bore into mine and he cocks his head slightly to the side, smiling slightly. Oh shit is he wearing two chains?

“Good evening, miss.”

Oh shit I hadn’t said a word.

“Oh. Uh, hi. Can I help you?”

He smiles a little wider, tossing his thumb over his shoulder. “My car stalled and my phone is dead. Could I come in and call someone?”

I don’t entirely believe his story, but something in his eyes makes my brain go fuzzy and a warmth I haven’t felt in a long time start between my legs.

“S-sure. Come on in.” I open the door wider and he smiles at me, nodding as he walks past.

“Thanks. I wasn’t sure anyone would be home. Seems a lot of people are away for the weekend.”

“Oh not really. People around here don’t actually live here. It’s their second homes.” In fact, ours was Claudia’s parent’s second home. Which is the only way I could afford a place this nice.

“Ah. That makes sense.” We stand in the entryway, his eyes scanning my face with that little smile still playing at his lips. It’s several long moments before I realize I’m the one who should be talking.

“Oh! Uh, can I take your coat….” It’s then I realize he doesn’t have one, not even carrying one.

He chuckles. “I think I’m good. But thank you for the offer.” The lights hit the chains around his neck and I swallow hard, wondering what it would be like to feel those chains smack me in the face over and over and-

Laughter erupts from the dining hall and..oh shit I never asked his name.

I tell him my name. “But you can call me D.”

“What’s that short for?”

“I…don’t want to say.”

“That bad, huh? I’ve had some bad nicknames in my time.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah. But my name is Lucien.” He extends his hand and I shake it, melting internally as I feel how large his hand his, how warm, and my brain wanders away on the thot train of exactly what I want those hands to do. Another round of laughter from the dining room breaks my trance and I give my head a little shake, dropping his hand.

“Dinner party,” I gesture down the hall towards the dining room.

“Ah. I thought you just dressed beautifully for fun.”

I can feel the heat in my cheeks and I glance away, tucking hair behind my ear before looking back at him. “I uh…you said your phone is dead?”

“Oh. Yeah.” He pulls it from his pocket, turning it to show me the blank screen.

“I have a charger. Come, I’ll let you use it and then you can come have some food if you’d like?”

“Oh I don’t want to impose.”

“It’s no bother. Really.” I let my hand rest on his arm, giving it a small squeeze. Who even am I right now?

His eyes flick between mine before he nods. “Lead the way.”

I yell to Claudia that I’m getting my charger and she doesn’t question it, diving right back into whatever story she’s telling as I lead Lucien up the stairs. To my bedroom. What am I doing right now? Before I can think further, I’m at my door, opening the handle and crossing to my night stand, pulling the end out of my own phone and extending my hand. “Here. Let me charge it for you.”

He hesitates a moment before placing his phone in my hand. “I appreciate it, D.”

I plug in his phone and open mine. “Do you have a preferred mechanic?”

“For what?”

“Y-your car?”

“Oh! Right! Uh sure. Can I just?” He makes to grab my phone and I let him, hiding a smirk when I notice that the tips of his ears are red. He taps away at my phone and holds it up to his ear, ordering a mechanic to his car.

“Hey, what neighborhood is this?”

“Destiny Falls.”

“Destiny Falls….great…thanks.” He taps the screen and hands me back my phone. “Thanks.”

I take the phone from him, feeling his fingers touch mine, a chill running down my arm and straight between my legs. “N-no worries.”

He stares at me for a long moment, his eyes moving down my body and back up. “You mentioned dinner?”

“Shit! Sorry! Yeah, uh this way.”

He follows me back out and down the stairs. I can feel his eyes on my ass and so I put an extra emphasis on my walk, an extra sway in my hips and I swear I hear a small groan coming from him.

“Hhhm?” I ask.

“What? Oh, I uh, I’m hungry.”

I open the door to the dining room, Lucien following me in. Everyone turns their heads to look, Claudia’s eyes moving furiously between us both before she stands. “Who’s this, Decaf?”

I widen my eyes at her, willing her to never use that nickname again. “This is Lucien. His car broke down a couple blocks away and no one else is home. His phone died so he couldn’t call anyone. He’s going to wait here for the mechanic.”

Lucien holds up his hand. “Hi. Thank you for allowing me into your home.”

Claudia smiles, waving him up. “Of course! Are you hungry? Let me get you a plate.”

“Oh I don’t want to impose.”

“Nonsense! Decaf, could you get him a plate and a chair? Marcos, scootch down a bit and we can put Lucien’s chair at the end.”

I look over at Marcos, who’s eyes are narrowed at Lucien, a hard look in them.

Men.

I roll my eyes and turn towards the kitchen, motioning for Lucien to follow me. “Come on. I need those hands.” It’s not until we’re in the kitchen when I realize what I said.

“So. You need my hands, doll?”

“I meant for the chair, but we’ll see if I can find another use for them.” What the fuck did I just say?

He chuckles, his eyes darkening. “I’m sure you’ll find me more than willing to help with whatever you want me for.”

Fuck, he’s looking at me and he has to know what he said. Lucien takes a few steps towards me, stepping inside the comfortable distance between strangers. Does he know that the heat between my thighs is almost unbearable at this point? I’m tempted to get him seated and go take care of myself before I get into trouble.

“I-”

“Hey, D. Need any help?” Marcos had come through the door. I jump back, startled. Why do I feel guilty? I don’t owe Marcos anything.

“Hey Marcos. No, I think we got it.”

“Here, Lucien. Let me show you where the spare chairs are.”

Lucien looks down at me and winks before following Marcos. “After you.”

I make Lucien a plate of food and bring it out to the table, the conversation still moving forward. I set the plate down and go back to the kitchen to get him a drink when I hear raised voices from the back storage closet where the chairs are. I can’t make it out but they’re definitely arguing.

Ugh, men.

Then the storage room door pops open and Lucien exits, carrying a chair. The look on his face is hard, anger etching into his face, but then he sees me and it disappears immediately, giving me a smile. “Got the chair.”

He walks towards me as Marcos takes a moment to close the door. “Everything ok, guys?”

“We’re great, D.”

“Because it sounded like you were fighting.”

“Nope. All good.” Marcos’s voice was flat, not his normal charismatic, charming tone he uses to win everyone over. I don’t believe him but it’s not the time to press him.

Lucien sits at the table and everyone starts asking him questions, his face animatedly answering all of them. The conversation pauses, everyone stopping to drink or eat or talk between themselves. Lucien shifts in his chair beside me, his leg brushing against mine and I gasp, trying to hide it as a small cough. But the twinkle in his eye tells me he heard me and knew exactly what I did. Not even the glare from Marcos at Lucien could ruin the mood for me. Lucien presses his leg into mine further, taking a sip of wine as he cracks a joke and everyone laughs, the ring on his pointer finger sparkling in the light from the chandelier. I can’t take it any more, the throbbing between my thighs is so intense I swear everyone can hear it. I need to get out of the room.

“Excuse me. I’ll uh…I’ll go check on your phone.” I hastily stand, pushing my chair back.

“Do you want help, D?” Marcos asks, halfway to standing himself.

“No! Uh, no. I can check a phone myself, thanks.”

I walk calmly from the room, waiting until the door closes behind me before I take the stairs 2 at a time, closing my bedroom door behind me and pressing my back against it, feeling the coolness of the wood seep through my thin dress, but it does nothing to dull the ache between my legs. I sit on my bed next to my night stand, legs on the floor and put my hands over my face. Get it together. A quiet knock makes me jerk and snap my head up, moving my hands just enough to speak.

“Who is it?”

“Lucien.”

Shit.

“What can I do for you?”

“I uh, just need to check on my phone?”

Oh right.

“Come on in.”

As Lucien opens the door, I lean back slightly, placing my arms behind me and lean on them. Lucien gently closes the door and crosses the room, his pant leg brushing against my bare knee as he reaches for his phone and presses the power button, light shining in his face. I press my thighs together in what I hope is an inconspicuous manner.

“Only 15%. This phone takes forever to charge. Do you mind if I charge it a little more?”

“Not at all.”

“Thanks.” He sets the phone down and turns his head to look at me, his eyes flicking to my thighs that are currently jammed together so tight even water couldn’t get through them.

“Let me help you with your problem.”

I swallow hard. “P-problem?”

“Yes. Your problem.”

“I..I don’t have…” I lose all track of what I was going to say as his eyes darken, slowly raking over my body before landing on my own darkened gaze, smirking at me.

“I’m an excellent…helper.”

“I..I d-don’t have a p-problem.”

“No?”

I shake my head, not even convincing myself. But then my voice catches in my throat as he gets on his knees in front of me, his fingers gently swirling a random pattern across my knees and lower thighs. My skin sears where he touches me, and I can feel how soaked I’m getting. He gently wraps his hands around my knees and slowly pushes them open, the cool air not doing much to cool me down. My chest heaves as his eyes move up my legs, his gaze disappearing under my shortened dress, honing in on where I need him.

“I think I found your problem.”

“Y-yeah?”

He slowly slides his hand up my thigh, my breath coming out in little spurts the higher he gets. His hand disappears under my dress and then I feel him, his finger sliding up the middle of me still over my underwear and my hips jolt, immediately betraying all sense of logic in my brain, the side of me that’s screaming this is a stranger!

“Good news. I can help fix your problem.”

“Y-you can?”

“Do you want me to?”

I’m still propped up on my elbows, gazing down at this man who is kneeling between my legs, hand up my dress, rubbing tiny circles into my inner thigh with the tip of his finger, his eyes nearly black with lust, my logic side screaming at me to tell him no, to tell him to stop, to play it safe.

But I’m tired of being called Decaf.

“Yes.”

He smirks, sliding his hands up further, fingers pinching the fabric of my panties before he slides them down and off, tossing them behind him without looking. He gently places my legs over his shoulders, pushing my thighs open wider with his broad shoulders.

“Show me,” he says it calmly, but it’s also commanding and I shiver.

I grip the bottom of my dress and pull it up over my hips, exposing myself to him. His eyes move to stare at my cunt, darkening the rest of the way. He moves his fingers to spread me and I gasp at his touch as he takes me all in.

“Fuck!” I yell out as he quickly dips his head and licks up the center of me, his tongue curling around the bundle of nerves. My thighs try to jam against his head but he is so damn broad that all they do is weakly twitch against his shoulders as he works me open with his mouth, moaning into my cunt.

“Oh shit, oh fuck, I-” words tumble from me in an incoherent jumble. I feel one of his thick fingers swirling around my entrance before he pushes it all the way in, the cool metal of his ring brushing against my skin. My mouth is open in a silent scream, but then he pulls his finger out, adding another, his head lifted to watch as he fucks me with his fingers, the lewd squelches filling the quiet room.

He moves his head back down, gently sucking on my clit and my fingers fly to his head, twisting into his beautiful curls and gripping it as I moan his name, his fingers curling inside of me, slowly stroking at that spot. I can feel myself tightening, pulsing around his fingers as he pushes me closer to the edge. But then he pulls his hand out, his mouth leaving me and I huff.

“What the fu-”

He stands, undoing the buttons on his shirt before taking it off, tossing it on the floor. He’s not 6 pack fit but he’s trim, a small tummy poking out by his pant line that I desperately want to bite. His large hands work open his pants and before I know it, he springs free, heavy and ready.

“Take off your dress.”

It takes me a moment to tear my eyes away from him, nearly ripping my dress in half in my haste to rid myself of it. I unlatch my bra too, tossing it wherever it lands. Lucien pushes my legs open, settling himself between my thighs, pressing his chest against mine. I think he’s going to say something but then all words leave my brain as he pushes inside of me, splitting me open, hand clasped over my mouth as I scream into it, hands flailing around simply because I don’t know what to do with them. He burns me slightly from the stretch but I don’t even care. He bottoms out and just sits there a few moments, his own chest heaving with self-restraint.

Without pulling out, he thrusts further in, pressing at a spot inside of me I didn’t even know existed. A whiny yelp escapes me before his hand clamps over my mouth again, his eyes finding mine as he continues this slow assault. He tentatively removes his hand, my mouth hanging open as jolt of pleasure radiates out from my cunt with every thrust of his hips.

“Do you want me to fuck you into this bed, doll?”

I nod frantically, my hands gripping his ass in an attempt to move him faster.

“Tell me.”

“Please. Please Lucien, fuck me into my bed I-” he clamps his hand over my mouth again, his hips picking up to a rapid pace as he fucks into me, lifting my leg over his hip to change the angle. Then he somehow gathers my flailing hands in one of his large ones, pinning them into the bed above my head as he continues to snap his hips into mine, each thrust driving me rapidly towards the edge he had already brought me to earlier. The thin chains he wore brush against my face with every thrust, and I moan into his hand.

And then I fling myself over the edge, each thrust of his hips carrying me further and further into this bliss. I’ve never experienced this, not in this way, not this intense, rolling waves of pleasure pulsing over my entire body. I feel his hand loosen their grip, no longer over my mouth and they squeeze my hips, flipping me over so quickly my head spins slightly. I bury my face in my blankets and moan as he thrusts into me, his fingers digging into my hips as he sets a rapid pace, pushing my back down to curve my ass up further. To my surprise, I feel one of his hands snake around me, finding my clit and applying the perfect touch, perfect amount of pressure as he drives me towards the edge again at a rapid pace. He pulls me up, my back flush against his chest, his arm wrapping around me to continue touching me while the other holds my hair tightly and I come, his name gasping from my lips as I feel his hips sputter against me, a mix of hard and soft grunts in my ear before he loosens his fingers, letting me drop back to my hands.

He pulls out with a grunt and I immediately feel light, empty, and a little sore but in a good way. He looks at me and I point to my en suite bathroom, still trying to catch my breath. He disappears for several moments before coming back out, a wet washcloth in hand. He looks at me, still in the same position he left me in and moves behind me, pressing the cloth to my sensitive skin. I twitch and hear a low chuckle as he continues to clean me up. He helps me lay on my back, his finger tracing circles around my nippple before giving it a little pinch.

“We better get back to your party.”

“My what?” I’d completely forgotten there even was a dinner party happening. He laughs, his hand resting on my stomach.

“Your dinner party. Surely your friends will wonder where you are.”

“Maybe. Or we could just stay here, naked, and see what happens?”

His eyes darken again and he leans forward, pulling a boob into his mouth and sucking on it. I gasp but then he drops it, sitting back up.

“As much as I’d love that, we should probably get back downstairs.”

I’m hurt, but he’s right. Soon enough my friends would send a search party. And I don’t want any of them to see this complete stranger, balls deep inside of me. Although if you asked me when he was actually balls deep, I wouldn’t have cared at all.

Lucien dresses first and heads back downstairs, winking at me before he closes the door. I quickly rinse off, careful not to wet my hair before trying to fix it to what it was before. I smooth down my dress and hope no one notices the difference. I decide to check the power on his phone before I head down, just to give him an update, expecting it to not be any higher than maybe 20%. But when I light the screen up, my eyebrows furrow together. It was fully charged. Why did he lie? Was it just to fuck me? I wouldn’t have cared if his phone was fully charged.

I take it from the charger and head back downstairs, sounds of laughter echoing up the stairwell. I sneak in through the back door, grabbing another bottle of wine on my way in as an excuse for taking so long. I realize I have no idea how much time I’d spent upstairs, but people were just finishing eating, so it couldn’t have been too long.

I feel eyes on me, but none more than Marcos. His eyes bore into me, hardening the longer he looks at me. He glances between Lucien and me as I hand him his phone, a look of realization settling into his features. Before I can say anything he abruptly stands up, mumbling something about a cigarette break before heading out on the back porch. A moment passes and Lucien pats his pockets, asking Claudia if she thinks Marcos will let him bum a cigarette off of him. She smiles and tells him he definitely will. Lucien gets up and excuses himself, heading out the back door to find Marcos.

Claudia keeps looking at me, her eyes narrowing but a smile forming, like she’s starting to piece together what happened. Before she can ask, I excuse myself, heading towards the backyard to find Lucien and Marcos. But when I open the door I hear raised voices coming from further in the backyard.

“You need to fucking leave, Lucien.”

“I’m not going anywhere until you give me what’s mine, Marcos.”

“It’s not yours anymore, I told you that!”

“That’s because you fucking stole it from me, asshole!”

What the hell are they talking about?

“You say stole, I say borrowed-”

“It took me forever to find you and now you don’t even have the balls to admit you stole from me?”

“Fuck you!”

“No, fuck you!”

I hear the sound of fists landing and I close the last several steps, their fighting bodies moving into my view.

“What the fuck is going on here?”

They both stop, pushing back from each other and looking at me. Marcos tries to put on his normal charming smile, but that nagging feeling about him roars inside of me. “Hey, D.”

“Don’t hey me, Marcos. What’s going on?”

“Oh uh Lucien and I were just messing around, right?” He looks at Lucien who glares back at him.

“No. We were not. You stole from me.”

Marcos narrows his eyes. “And how could I have stolen anything from you?”

“You were my intern! You worked on my project and then you stole it to start your little start up!”

“Wait, what?” I look between them, confused.

“D, he’s crazy. He’s just some guy off the street. You don’t even know him-”

“Oh she knows me plenty.”

My jaw drops as Marcos looks between us.

“Wait…did…did you sleep with her when you went to get your phone?”

I can feel my cheeks heating up but Lucien speaks before I do. “Yeah. I did. I fucked her good. Had her screaming my name. Begging me to fuck her.”

Marcos’s mouth opens and closes, anger flashing in his eyes and I can feel tears pooling in mine, a mixture of anger and embarrassment as Lucien continues to speak.

“Doesn’t feel good, does it Marcos? To have something you want so badly taken away from you? I knew the moment I saw you look at her that you wanted her. So I fucked her first. You take something from me, I take something from you.”

Marcos stands there fuming, looking furious at Lucien, but no longer even looking my way. “You can’t just come in here-”

“I can. And I came in her too.”

SLAP!

My hand stings with the force of contact but I swallow any cry of pain. Lucien brings his hand to his cheek, turning to finally look at me, an odd expression on his face.

“D, listen. Marcos isn’t who you think he is. He-”

WHAM!

Marcos’s fist collides with Lucien’s face and he stumbles backwards. He rallies quickly, swinging for Marcos. I yell for them to stop but I may as well have been talking to the wall. The men fight, throwing themselves at each other, yelling insults that I can only halfway make out. But then Lucien pins Marcos to the ground, pounding on his face. I run up to him and grab his arm.

“Stop!”

Lucien looks at my hand on his arm and then at me before glancing down at Marcos who had just passed out. He looks back at me, his face softening as he lowers his fist, slowly standing up with a series of tiny grunts.

“D, I’m sorry, I-”

“Did you just fuck me to get back at him?”

He’s quiet for longer than I’d like, and I hate the tears that start to fall. I’m not delusional. I know nothing would come of it. I didn’t even know the guy. But a part of me had held onto some idea that maybe it was something more, could be something more.

“Not…not at the end.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

He gestures to a couple of chairs. “Can I explain?”

I sit, I probably shouldn’t have but good decisions went out the window a long time ago. Lucien sits in the chair across from me, shifting his weight forward to be closer to me.

“Years ago, I hired Marcos as my intern. His name then was Juan. He helped me with my research. I had a bio tech lab and was working on some ground breaking tech. But then one day, I come in and everything is gone. He’d stolen everything, all of my years of research just gone. And then I see his face being put up as the new man to watch in all of the science and tech magazines and I see it, my tech being claimed by this imposter.” Lucien spits on Marcos’s body.

That explains the weird vibe I’d always gotten from him. He was a lying cheat.

“So what about tonight?”

“Ah. Well it had taken me years but I finally tracked him down. And every time I tried to get close, to get him to confess he would somehow weasel out of it. But then I saw him connected to a social media post about a dinner party. I hired a PI to figure out where and I..well I knocked on the door.”

“So your car?”

“Isn’t really broken down, no.”

“Your phone was fully charged.”

“It was already at 87% when I first plugged it in.”

I sit with this information for a few moments. “So what about…me?”

Lucien’s face softens as he looks at me. “Then there was you. I didn’t expect to see anyone here I actually was intrigued by, but there you were. I pushed it aside to get to Marcos but then I saw how he acted around you, the way he looked at you, the pure desire in every inch of him. So I flirted and got close. You were hot and I figured I could fuck you to make him get super pissed. But then you took your dress off so easily and I could tell you weren’t really that kind of person and I just… lost myself a bit when I was inside you. By the end, I was hating myself for using you. I…I’m sorry.”

Well. There you have it. I was right about Marcos being too charming for a reason, a reason he had now confessed to, recorded on Lucien’s phone no doubt. I’m mad, I want to hit him but I also get it. And damn was he the best fuck I’ve ever had.

I lean forward, curling my finger around the chains on his neck as I pull him closer.

“Wanna go for round 2?”

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poetrysmackdown · 6 months

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some informal thoughts

hello! hope the holiday season has been kind to all of you. and i hope all my jewish followers had a lovely hanukkah! anyways, since i said a few months ago that i’d pick poetry smackdown back up sometime around this time of year, i thought i should make a post. the gist of it is that i’m still quite busy, i have a break that’s about three weeks shorter than I was planning on, and i don’t currently have the mental bandwidth required to read, contemplate, and sort through poem submissions in a way that does justice to them, even if i were to recruit some friends to help out. since running a tournament format requires at least five weeks of continued engagement once it’s underway, and since i’m not at capacity to offer that right now due to the change in my schedule, i’m gonna have to bow out for now. sad bc i was looking forward to it!

my hope is that i’ll have some more time over the summer to hunker down with it, in which case you’ll be hearing from me. it’ll frankly depend on the kind of job i land in for the summer, but i find that my unemployed spirit can typically keep me doing stupid shit regardless of workload...to a point. i don’t want to make any promises because i don’t want to get anyone’s hopes up just to let them down again LOL. i do admit the amount of exposure the first tournament got has made me feel like more of a perfectionist this time around, doubly because i don’t feel that i’m very suited to being a public online presence (even a relatively quite small one)—i’m bad enough at responding to emails for my own real life responsibilities, let alone tumblr asks for the silly responsibilities i invent for myself lol. that’s not to say i no longer want to do it, or i don’t enjoy it, or even that i don’t feel capable of making a really interesting bracket—just that if i am working to put something new together, and if people are taking the time to submit poems they care about, then i don’t want to half-ass it.

my second admission is something like this. I made the original bracket as a celebration of poetry and our relationships to it. yes it was silly and competitive, and the poems were very tumblr, but still, celebration was the intention—I wanted to have conversations about poetry. I stand by the bracket format as a fun and valuable way to foster conversations about poetry, but truthfully, the poems i’m wanting to have conversations about right now—the poems that we should be talking about right now—are ones that i'm not comfortable putting in a bracket. I reblogged The Baffler’s Poems from Palestine collection on here earlier, and Najwan Darwish’s “Who Remembers The Armenians?”, which I still often find repeating through my head when I'm traveling from one place to another, walking home or riding the bus. I came across this beautiful thread recently where people have been translating Dr. Refaat Alareer’s “If I Must Die” into their own languages (this just makes my translator's heart sing!!!!!!). @havingapoemwithyou has been posting some great poems from and for Palestine as well—check out their tag here.

There's always more to add, and I'll be posting more on here as I come across it, but that's what I feel anyone should be focusing on right now when it comes to poetry. i think poetry can be an escape but it should never be a distraction. does that make sense? i wouldn't be against doing a one-off poll here or there, but it feels weird to be making a tournament for poetry right now, or anytime soon. i feel like what free time i have right now is still best utilized helping my friends with organizing in the real world. and god, a bit off-topic but while I'm talking, fuck poetry foundation—I have so much respect for all the poets keeping up the boycott, because while i think it's a simple decision, it's not always an easy one (Aurielle Lucier discussed that here).

anyways, if you read all of this, thank you for your time!! I could go on and on, but really this was just meant to be a message telling y'all that there won't be another tournament for a while lol. even so i'll be trying to use this small silly platform as best i can until palestine is free because that's the absolute least i can do.

#not a poll #also i'm closing my ask box for now because i know i don't have the bandwidth to answer anything rn. sorry :(#but feel free to reply here with your thoughts and any resources and i'll do my best to respond #or even messages might be fine. something about the ask format just gives me anxiety sometimes lmao #cannot stress this enough i am so so so bad at responding to things #even when i want to or enjoy doing it

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gloriousrunwayninja · 1 year

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HOW TO PUT YOURSELF ON A PEDESTAL

cr to @thespiritualgyalss

Table of context

what does it mean to "put yourself on a pedestal"

Everyone is you pushed out

How to put yourself on a pedestal

Things you can add to your routine

Affirmations

What does it mean to put yourself on a pedestal?

🩶 …Putting yourself on a pedestal means putting yourself before anyone else. It's like putting your desires on a pedestal before your mental health which is why you usually obsess over it. It's not the best to do this by the way which is why I'm gonna teach you how to put yourself on a pedestal.

🩶 …If you put yourself on a pedestal during your manifesting journey it could make it go smoother so you wouldn't obsess over it as much including when you manifesting a specific person this is one of the most helpful thing to do (THIS IS NOT REQUIRED IN ORDER TO MANIFEST A SP BTW)

Everyone is you pushed out

When manifesting a specific person

"If you act like the prize, the world will believe you"

🩶 …You prolly hear this a lot but it's true everyone is you pushed out so if you put yourself first you won't be so obsessed about others and not having to put them on a pedestal.

🩶 …Once you focus on putting yourself on a pedestal than others will chase you including your specific person.

🩶 …The main reason people aren't able to manifest their specific person is because they obsess to much to the point where they think it's not working and they give up but whole time you could be obsessed and still manifest them you just need to be able to persist. BUT if your a person who's been stressing over their specific person than you should focus on yourself by putting yourself on a pedestal and he will be chasing you in no time.

How to actually put yourself on a pedestal

Self concept

🩶 …Self concept helps A LOT when it comes to putting yourself on a pedestal.

Self love affirmations for example like:

"I put myself before others"

"I don't chase other I attract them"

"I am beautiful inside and out"

"I am worthy of everything"

"I am loved"

"It is easy to attract everything that I want"

"It is natural for me to be confident"

Mirror work

🩶 …Mirror work really helps to tap into your divine feminine energy and your self love journey. 🩶 …How to do mirror work is by simply going into the mirror and reciting self love affirmations. 🩶 …You can also listen to bad bitch songs and dance in front of the mirror.

How to put yourself on a pedestal pt.2

Insp. @111infinity on tumblr

Inner self conversations

🩶 …Remind yourself that you are limitless And that NOTHING can get in between you and your desires. You can even remind yourself that everything is going to be ok.

Spoil yourself

🩶 …Spoil yourself with gifts like how you would want someone to spoil you. Buy yourself flowers maybe even go on a date with yourself.

Self care

🩶 …Even though you can manifest good skin and all of that you can still take care of yourself by buying skin care stuff and having self care days.

Find hobbies

🩶 …You could join classes to improve on stuff or even learn yourself how to do some stuff, having a hobby could help you put your mind onto other stuff.

Things you can add to your routine

Meditation

🩶 …Meditation has many benefits and clears your mind I recommend doing guided meditations and start with 5-10 minutes.

Yoga

🩶 …so when doing yoga I recommend asking your body what it needs for example Just simply saying "what does my body need" and doing that position because some yoga vids might not be for you. Not to mention you don't have to do yoga for long you could do it for how much time you need to for your body.

Working out

🩶 …You don't have to do to much of an extreme workout you could simply do dance workouts and do workouts that you would be consistent with. I recommend doing it with someone or even FaceTime your friends while doing it.

Journaling

🩶 …You could start with simple journal prompts or even just journal when you feel like it, Journaling helps so much omg.

Self love/self concept affirmations:

…I am the prize

…I attract good people in my life

… attract peace in my life

…my beauty is irresistible

…I am so magnetic

…I always attract who I want

…I deserve it all

…I am divine

…It's is natural for me to receive love

…It is normal for me to get what I want

…I am so blessed

…it's natural for me to have a charming aura

love, jade

#law of assumption #affirmations #affirm #living in the end #manifest your reality #put yourself in the pedestal #i am god #i am the creator of my reality #law of attraction #manifestation #loa motivation #manifesting #mindset #neville goddard #the void state

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darrylayo · 4 months

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Everybody is required by god and country to use tumblr as their regular social media. Please post to tumblr every day so that you don’t get in trouble! Here is a photo of today’s daybreak:

Really makes you think.

The cool thing about tumblr is that you can draw pictures or take photographs or type off your thoughts. The world is yours. What are you up to? My current task is rebuilding my drawing practice. I always prefer to draw on paper with simple pencils and pens. However, due to circumstances of my brain’s personality, I have an easier time establishing and keeping habits on computer tools. And so I use the iPad. For some reason, I find it easier and more natural to say to myself “time to draw” and then work on my iPad for a spell. Perhaps because my chosen drafting program, Procreate, has all kinds of tools and all of my drawings in varying stages of completion. If I’m not feeling particularly creative or inspired, I can just doodle for a moment or work on detail hatching, textures, patterns. You’ll notice that patterns are important in my art. Why do I do so many fussy patterns? Because I can relax myself and undertake a soothing, repetitive task. I enjoy that. For example:

Okay my friends,

Remember to always post on tumblr. I love you

-Ayo

#darrylayo #digital illustration #sunrise #rise and grind #artists on tumblr

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thependragonfiles · 1 day

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Grim Reaper Headcanon Blurb

here's just a good chunk of all headcanons I have for general Dispatch shenanigans!! below cut :>

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ-

✧ A general one shared with most of tumblr, but the reapers looking more inhuman. Sharp teeth, glowing eyes, pointed ears, the works! I personally think they carry the smell of decay with them. But I also think they carry physical traits from their deaths as well! A reaper who drowned would look bluish/greenish, a reaper who died of blood loss would be ashen, burned by fire have dryer/leathery skin, etc. etc.

✧ On the list of 'petty things to get written up for', unpermitted scythe modification is probably high on the list. Dispatch, regardless of the staff of the Management Division's own personal thoughts, requires everything and anything to be recorded and reported. Even if it's just a simple blade change. People forget!

✧ When a reaper first 'wakes up', they're treated with cold and clinical detachment. A statistic before anything else. Dying is incredibly traumatic, and 'waking up', a reaper is probably going to be in shock! It's easier faster to go through the paperwork first, before beginning to explain everything. Even then, there's this shitty information pamphlet the doctor hands you, called 'So You Killed Yourself! What Now?', to help explain the role a new reaper now plays.

✧ There's different levels of blindness a reaper can have! While they're all legally blind, some can see more than others! I personally think Grell and Othello can see colored blurbs, and can make out features but to really see specific details they squint, while William is almost-fully blind, only seeing big splotches of color. Like a bleeding watercolor painting.

✧ Birthdays aren't celebrated often. There's either no-time or no purpose to them, because a reaper is 'one age' forever. Death Days, while not celebrated however, are treated with kindness and respect and empathy- The whole shebang. Death Days are reminders of the fact this is a punishment for their suicide, making a reaper feel that anguish that caused them to take their life anyways. In certain, severe cases there's even physical reminders (an old bullet wound beginning to bleed, water being coughed up, feeling like one's burning alive). Calling out and having either your: Mandatory Partner, dear friend, or romantic/queerplatonic other half(ves) spend the day with the affected reaper;

✧ Mandatory Partners!! My personal example is William/Grell before Will got 'promoted' to Management. Or Alan/Eric before the Tragedy. A mandatory partner is essentially someone a reaper in Retrievals works extremely well with, and the Higher Ups require reapers to NEVER BE ALONE and have someone else in the area. There's too many dangers to working alone, without backup a skip away. If there isn't anyone a reaper works well with (or their MP is assigned far away), a Mentor or Management position can take the place of the MP. London Dispatch, however, is usually short-staffed and can't supply this often, meaning reapers work alone instead of in pairs.

✧ While most demons can't permanently kill a reaper, they can severely wound one so a Bigger Threat (starving demon, Greater Demon, rogue deserter, Dispatch Itself) can kill them. Lesser-Demons however, can 'attatch' themselves to a healthy reaper, and create a parasitic relationship. A reaper's energy/'lifeforce' gets slowly drained unless they feed the demon the souls they reap, but this is considered low-class and taboo by demons, while reapers have very few cases of this. It isn't impossible though, with the right circumstances (and a bit of manipulation).

✧ Deserters aren't executed or jailed when caught! No, they're put into a 'reformation' process, ESPECIALLY if the Dispatch branch is short staffed. This is done as a 'final chance for redemption', before the brass takes them away forever. No one knows what happens to the ones the reformation didn't help.

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗

#kuroshitsuji #grim reaper #grim reapers #ronald knox #william t spears #grell sutcliff #othello #cw sui mention #cw sh #black butler #ooc: headcanons #i just think about them so much <3

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soundslikediamonds · 1 year

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Rescuer (part 1)

Summary: (I'm not very good at summaries but!)

This whole concept came to me after watching Butler's interview with Josh Horowitz. Just seeing him in his hoodie and with his scruff just in that cold apartment over zoom made me think of this whole concept, yet it's super long, so I'm writing it in parts. I also got inspired seeing all those pictures with fans on the set of Bikeriders.

This is a fic where while walking alone at night, reader is being followed, but fortunately before anything can happen Austin saves reader.

Word Count: 4291

Disclaimer: This is my first time using Tumblr and first story posted here. I hope everyone enjoys!

Warnings: uncomfortable topic of being followed late at night, family dysfunction...

Hope you enjoy! (y'all I am SO nervous to put this out there lol)

_________

You close the front door and seal it with the lock. It's pitch black outside, a swollen full moon out with distant clouds. The air you breathe is cold and fans out little fog clouds each time an exhale escapes your mouth. It's no later than 12:00 am and you just finished all that you were taking for the night.

You would be back in a few days, when you were sure your Dad would be out. He was away this night, working a long night shift and you knew that. That was the reason why you managed to sneak back into the house and take some more of your belongings without your dad knowing you were here. It was clear he didn't want you back, not after that explosive argument last week that the two of you had which left him kicking you out.

You had no problem with leaving. Actually, it was something that tempted your mind for quite some time now. Somewhere between dad's anger, and the two of you fighting all the time, it was so exhausting. He made you get out of the house and made it very clear that he didn't want to see you again. You grabbed some extra clothing and toiletries for the night and your backpack before you called your friend Ava asking if you could sleep over. She was obviously awake and wasn't one who would take much to persuade.

You didn't go into detail of why you needed to be over there. It was late and the last thing you wanted to do was tell her that you, a college student, was officially homeless, having no real thought-out plan of what you would do. You just kept it simple; you were at the campus library studying into the night and by the time you headed back, you realized you forgot your keys and no one was in the house.

'just need somewhere to sleep for the night and then i'll be out tomorrow morning. kinda crazy how this is my life rn ahahaha'

You had texted Ava those words, to which responded in laughing crying emojis.

'dww!! it's life. it happens. i'll make sure to give you some of my clothes'

Shoot. The clothes. Although you did have a set of pajamas for the night, it would probably make more sense that you would burrow Ava's clothes. After all, you were locked out of your house. Where would those clothes come from if otherwise?

You placed everything you gathered in your backpack and took the bus to get to the other side of town. On the bus there was practically no one and as you had the back seats to yourself, you took this time to really think about what this meant for you.

You didn't have a home. You had class in the morning, and then two more in the afternoon, but you didn't have a home.

If you wanted help (which you probably should have asked for), that would require you telling the whole story of what happened, which was something you didn't want to go through.

If you took time to really think about it, you would probably cry. It was a surprise that you haven't done it yet, but it was probably because you haven't had the time, in retrospect. It was only the sound of your dad's tone that rung your ears, telling you to "leave and never come back" that made you scurry to your room, take what you needed to take and leave without saying another word, or giving eye contact to your parents. Your body moved quickly than what your mind could even process and now that you were sitting still since this pressing hour of chaos, you allowed your eyes to close, resting your hand on the top of your head as a small sigh escapes your breath.

What would you do now?

You stayed in that position for only a little while before deciding on opening your phone and choosing to listen to the song you thought would suit the moment best. As you looked out with window, you allowed for the duration of the melody to give you a sort of comfort and you told yourself deep down inside that everything was going to be okay. You were going to be okay.

That was last week.

Now, as you start down the stairs throwing one more glance over your shoulder at your old house, you tread down the street. For these past few days you've just been keeping yourself in an small Inn. It's been okay, mostly you were out for the day and so the Inn only did its thing and helped you out at night with a bed to lay down on and rest. But tonight was your last night and you had no idea what you were going to do afterward.

You were sort of on this plan of just going to a 24/hour coffee shop and stay there "studying" for the night. You've looked it up and there are a couple of places in the area. So, you considered that at least for the night you'd stay at the coffee shop to think things through.

You aren't alone as you walk. You glance down at your phone and notice that you have 15 more minutes before you'd reach the bus stop. The sounds of footsteps are distant behind you and, just because, you look over your shoulder just a little bit, but a chill runs through your arms when seeing that it's a man wearing all black with a hood over his head. He looks right out you and you whip your head forward, feeling your chest heave in a mini-gasp.

Now, you tell yourself, there's no need to overreact.

That would usually help you, but it is late and dark, and no one else is out. Plus, he's walking pretty slow, and has no problem with walking and staying behind you. Curiosity now takes over you as you decide to lessen the pace of your walk just a tad, and suddenly you hear his footsteps slow its pace as well.

Frowning, you now pick up the pace, to which this man does the same. Your heart starts beating fast and you check your surroundings, realizing the neighborhood you're in is dark and the lights to the houses by the streets are all out, indicating that everyone is either asleep or away.

You take a breath and decide to cross the street, just going at it because there aren't any on-going cars, but once you reach the sidewalk, you look down at the silhouette that's casted from the orange streetlight and see a distant but present shadow still trailing behind you.

You are officially. Being. Followed.

You've heard of stuff happening like this, and it's absolutely horrible. No one should be able to feel their own life being threatened just by walking down the streets at night. You just never thought of it happening to you, yet right now, your chest rises and falls as your hands collect sweat.

You have to stay calm.

If you start running, chances are he'll take off after you. You need to lead him someplace where there's people, yet you don't know this area half as well, and it's hard to make up places in the dark.

Silently praying that nothing happens, you take a risk a turn a sharp corner to another block which at this intersection you would normally continue to walk straight, but your legs aren't in control of what's going on and move out of fear and in search for desperate help.

Your eyes luckily find a light and you realize that you're coming to a gas station. The lights are open, so you knew that there has to at least be someone in the corner store. If you just casually walk in, the man following you would have to leave.

You start to hear footsteps from behind you pick up and your heart starts pounding within your chest. For some strange reason, although you are ridiculously scared, you aren't running. You aren't screaming for help. You're managing to speed walk with your head held high although trying to focus on your breathing and steady yourself. It's crazy how you're not looking back, but only walking faster, keeping your eyes straight on the blaring lights.

The Gas Station is right across the street from you and- without even clicking any buttons at the intersection which you should- you walk down the street and go up the small hill, and as your eyes avert to the station, you notice a tall man in a Carhartt jacket over black jeans, walking out of the corner store. He's looking down at the receipt in his hands as he walks to the pump. You're relieved to see someone at least, and you know that you're just seconds away from safety. However, as you're walking, you're scared when you see now in the corner of your eye, the man who is following you, starts jogging in your direction.

Without thinking you start making a light jog, no longer to the corner store, but to the man who's right in front of you, who has no idea of what small chase scene is in front of him as he looks at his receipt. By the sound of nearing footsteps, the man in front of you looks up just in time for you to greet him loudly before wrapping your arms around his neck, holding on to his tall frame. The man stumbles backward, but you turn your head to whisper in his ear.

"The man behind me is following me, please help me," You whisper, and that's all it takes before you feel strong arms wrapped around your waist.

"Hey, babe, sorry, I was just about to text you. Didn't mean to make you walk over to me." He says, the low tone of his voice vibrates your forehead as your head rests against his chest.

You're squeezing him now, thankful that the security in his voice and the tightness in his hold makes you feel safe right here in the Gas Station parking lot, right where some creep has followed you to. You don't even know if he's still there, or walking closer, and you don't want to know. You're not lifting your head up from being buried in this man's chest.

"Hey, the funniest thing happened at work today, but I'll tell you all about it once we go home. And you get to pick the movie tonight, but I gotta tell ya, if it's those cartoons again, I might just cry." The man says, a small chuckle coming out. A breath escapes your lips, almost like relief in itself. You'd smile if you could, if you weren't so scared.

Now, as you're still in the hug, you can't really hear anything. It's quiet and you're not sure what's happening in the world where your face is not against the fabric of a fall jacket, where you're not heavily breathing with tears stinging your eyes. You'd like to hear what's going on, or maybe you don't, but you can't, because all you hear is the sound of your heart pounding through your ears.

Finally after what seems like the longest seconds of your life, you feel the pad of a thumb stroke slowly through your hair just barely, just enough that you can tell it's within intent. To soothe you. You begin to match your breathing, your chest rising and falling, to the thumb strokes against your hair. You suddenly feel a lift of the hand and arms start to loosen just by a little bit.

"He's gone." You hear this man whisper in your ear.

Those words suddenly break you and now all of the emotion from the following to the chase catch up to you as hot tears slide down your cheek.

The man in your arms now holds you tightly once more and starts swaying you in his embrace.

"I am so sorry. I truly am, I...I'm so sorry." He says, with a deep and genuine ache in his voice. You nod, even though he did nothing but save you from what could've been, and just the thoughts of how the night could've turned out entirely worse, sobs now bubble and pour out as you begin crying on his chest.

"Do you wanna sit in my car?" His voice asks, and you hear the decibel of his voice raise just a little bit higher as it coats with soft and gentleness. You realize he's asking you that way because he wants you to decide. He wants to make it clear that whatever it is, he's not the one telling you to do anything. Not after this horrible experience.

"Okay." You choke out, nodding once again, before you slowly pull yourself away from where you nestle in his chest. You blink back to reality and look around you, seeing that the creep indeed is gone and you're standing outside in the parking lot of the Gas Station, while this tall man, who looks just a few years older than you, stares at you with kindness and grace. This is the first time you actually look into the eyes of your angel of the night. He has golden hair, a hint of scruff on his chin and around his pink full lips, with piercing baby blue eyes that sparkle even in dim light.

You try to smile, though you're wiping your eyes at the same time, and you can't help but feel like you look rather like a mess.

"Thank you so much." You say above a whisper.

The man doesn't comment on what he did, instead takes your arm gently and leads you to his car, a black vehicle near the last pump nearest to the car wash. While one hand still rests on your arm, you watch as this man digs up his car keys from his jacket pocket and unlocks the doors. He opens the passenger seat for you, to which you whisper thanks before he closes the door and walks around his car, leaving you only a few seconds to truly absorb everything that just happened in what seems to be in slow motion and in a flash at the same time.

You sit in silence for a moment, leaning backward in your seat as you try to look back and see if the creepy man would just pop out from nowhere. You're subconsciously doing it. You don't even realize that's what you're doing, looking at the back window until his hand is planted on your arm, bringing you back into reality. You turn immediately, looking at your rescurer.

"You're safe here." He says.

You nod. You believe him, but you don't even realize your hands are shaking until he looks at them, and you notice his jaw clench. You hug yourself, trying to remove the attention from your shaking hands and you feel his hand touch your shoulder. You try another smile as you turn to look at him.

"Thank you. I don't know what more to say but... thank you so much." You say, feeling like there are not enough words to express the true gratitude your heart.

He nods before he looks down in his lap, letting out a big sigh. You shake your head in response, now using your hands to massage your forehead in small circles. The two of you are silent in the car, but the both of you are thinking of everything that went down.

"My mind wants to think about how...he could've done anything to me. I've just been saved, and that's what I'm shook up about- the fact that it could have happened." You say, wondering what's even wrong with you.

Sure, you almost had something terrible happen to you. But someone came to your rescue just before it did. And instead of focusing on that and being grateful, you're still thinking of what it was that could've happened. Is that normal?

"I would be more concerned if you weren't thinking about the "what ifs". That's completely and totally valid." The man sitting beside you says. He then takes another breath.

"But I'm so glad nothing happened. And I'm proud of you for doing what you did. You know, you saw someone and immediately went to them when you felt in danger." He expresses.

You're sort of blocking that amount of praise that's trying to enter in, just because you don't believe you did anything out of braveness but out of fear. You were trembling in this man's arms, for crying out loud. He could have someone, or maybe he didn't want to get involved, or anything of that matter. But, you were grateful nonetheless.

"Thank you for going along." You say in a small voice. And he really was amazing. There was something about what he said, there was no hint of never knowing you before this. It was like you both were together. It was like you were truly going home with him. It was like you were going to pick the movie. With no hesitance he was able to get into this character and save you just by how he held you.

He shakes his head now, folding his arms as he looks ahead. "I was, uh...I was supposed to go to the other gas station, a few miles away from this one. There was too much traffic, and I decided to go here, even though I was complaining because the prices here are more expensive. But I realize that there was a reason why I was here."

He turns and looks at you, an actual scared look on his face. "If we were just seconds from each other, who knows what could've happened?"

You close your eyes. Your mind is going there, but you don't want it to. You don't want to go there. Based on the fact that you're not answering, the man breaths out a sigh.

"What happens now? Is there somewhere I can take you? Are you going home?" He then asks.

Your eyes then flicker open. How are you going to explain this?

Somehow in the midst of everything going on, you haven't thought of the fact that there was no place to stay. That your friends' places couldn't be used, or that your time at the local Inn was up. You couldn't think of anything when that creep was after you, but now that it's all over, you have to face the reality of the scary revelation.

"I, uh..." Your eyes flicker down, and you look at your shoelaces. You then look over at him. You're about to tell him, but your throat gets caught and you bring a hand to your head and close your eyes, slowly rubbing your forehead in small circles.

"You can just take me to the coffee shop. The one on Berden." You reply, your voice small.

He blinks at you, before giving a little nod, and you watch as his fingers mindlessly strokes the bit of scruff his has on his chin.

"Oh. Sure, yeah, we can stop for coffee if that's what you'd like. And then after that where will I take you?" He asks.

"Well..." You let out a breath. "I'm going to be staying there. I have, um...I have a lot of studying I need to do. That's where I was going, anyway. To the café...before...y'know, everything happened. Before I met you. I was on my way to the coffee shop." You ramble on.

You mentally kick yourself. Why do you have to sound so awkward when you're lying? I mean, sure you actually do need to study, but you're not really planning on it.

The man's eyebrows furrow as he turns and looks at you. You can tell just by the look in his eye that he's confused, and that he doesn't believe you.

"You can't study now. Not after everything. You need to rest somewhere." He argues.

You shrug, not meeting his eyes. "I'll be okay."

"I won't be able to sleep knowing that I had a chance of taking you home and refusing it. It's no problem driving you, really. Even if you live an hour away." The man says.

"It's okay, really." You try and persuade.

"It's just..." You watch as the man sighs, drawing his fingers to the scruff of his chin. He scoffs. "I don't know, it's so dangerous here."

He looks over at you in seriousness. "Is there no where I can drop you off?"

You nod. "Yes, the café on Ber-"

"No, no." You watch as the man shakes his head. He lets out a sigh and closes his eyes. When he finally looks at you, you swallow the guilt of not being able to tell him the whole truth. In this stranger's eyes there's a look of wanting to keep you secure.

"I have this feeling...you don't want to be home right now." He guesses, his voice a whisper.

That causes you to look down at your shoes. You feel his eyes on you and you know you're done. With that instant motion of not being able to look him in the eye, you're sure he can tell that his assumption is right.

When you finally look at him, you shoot a small smile. "You know...I can take the bus or something. You've done so much for me already, and I thank you. But, you probably have family waiting for you at home, or someplace to be." You say.

There's a silence as the man leans back, his back touching the seat. He slowly smiles, looking down at his hands.

"I uh...I live by myself in a lowly apartment, so...it really is no problem to-"

Suddenly, the man stops talking and then turns to look at you. He looks at you with a puzzled look on his face and you're wondering just what it is that he's thinking.

"I could propose something, but it might be strange." He starts, his fingers going back to resting on his chin.

He tends to do that a lot more than he's conscious of, you think to yourself.

You look at the hesitance on his face and blink. "What is it?"

"Well," He sits up straighter in his seat. "What if you just crashed at my place for the night?" He asks.

You blink. "What?"

He shoots a gentle smile. "Yeah, I mean...it's late, and it's obvious you don't want to go home. My apartment's close, and..." He holds you arm gently.

"I'd be completely out of your hair, there's a room that's completely secluded, you wouldn't see me at all, and there's office space if you dare wish to study...even though, I personally feel like with everything that's happened, going to sleep would be the best option, um...but I...I could make you some tea, uh...and I have these scented candles that I find always helps me, just feel better after a long tiring day...of course, I've never been through what you've just gone through, I mean that's absolutely terrifying, but-"

You then touch his arm. The poor man is rambling without even taking a breath. And he looks so apologetic, almost like it was his fault.

"What's your name?" You ask, changing the subject completely.

It takes him aback, for sure, and you find yourself start to smile. He blinks, chucking a little bit.

"I guess we haven't really formally introduced each other. I'm Austin." He says, extending his hand out.

You look at his eyes. Austin. It wouldn't be the first name you would guess, it's sort of unexpected, but looking at his face, you don't know if there's any other name you would give. It's charming, which is one of the words you would use to describe him.

You smile, reaching over and shaking Austin's hand as you say your own name. He gives a friendly smile laughs.

"Nice to meet you." He says shyly, which causes you both to laugh awkwardly.

"Nice to meet you, Austin." You smile. Then Austin looks at you with a serious look.

"Hey, um...I really am offering for you to stay at my apartment. Just for the night if that's easiest, and then," He shrugs. "And then, whatever you want to happen next, I'll allow." He says.

You nod. You know his intentions are good. You know, and it doesn't take much to know- that he is a good man. You almost experienced what wasn't a good man, and it scared you. It scares you to think that somewhere that man, and other people like him are out and about, roaming innocent streets to do sinful deeds for humans that don't deserve anything like that.

A chill runs down your spine as you think back to what could've been. Right now, however, there is nowhere else you can go. You'll admit you're in a very vulnerable state. You're mind isn't the best that it can be. You're still shook up. You're scared, and you know deep down that if you are anywhere away from Austin this time of night, you'd be even more afraid.

So with that, you look at Austin, who's been looking at you this whole time. You take a deep breath and then nod.

"Okay. I can go to your place for tonight. Thank you." You say in a small voice.

Austin nods, giving your arm another reassuring touch before he starts the car. And without another word he's set and soon you both are off, driving into the empty streets of night.

#austin butler x you #austin butler fanfic #austin butler x reader #austin butler imagine #austin butler #austin butler x y/n

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pandoraslxna · 6 months

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Isn't that anon the same one who was complaining during Kinktober? Many people wrote for Kinkmas it's natural that some get higher recognition, certain fics need to reach certain audiences and it could take more time if you are a smaller blog but it doesn't mean that you are a worse writer or that anyone is doing it on purpose

It is the same anon.

And besides that fact, there are many other reasons why I haven’t reblogged some fics yet. Maybe I haven’t seen your tag yet, maybe I just didn’t had time to check it out yet, etc. Even I have boundaries, there are kinks and tropes and even such things as pet names I don’t like which immediately make me stop reading a fic and that’s okay. It doesn’t mean the fic itself is bad, it just means it’s not for me personally. I only reblog fics I’ve read from start to finish and enjoyed, but if they contain something I’m not into, I’m not reading it and I’m not reblogging it either.

I also don’t always have time to read. Even if I’m answering asks, I could be around family members or coworkers right now or just be in the middle of something where I only have a couple of minutes to check my phone, but that’s simply not the right time to open a fic and start reading it. When I read, I need peace and quiet. I also have to be in the mood because, guess what, smut is basically porn and I’m not in the mood for smut 24 hours of the day. Even I have shitty days when I come home from work or whatever, when I’m tired or what not and then I don’t really feel like reading smut or reading anything at all. Sometimes I’m just overwhelmed and BUSY, which is why you often see me being active but not answering asks or only answering the ones that require a short response. You also expect me to pop out one fic after another, but how am I supposed to write if I’m on here reading every single Avatar fic that has been posted? I can’t do it all, I only have two days a week for myself.

And now to the most important part: the reason I mostly reblog my moots works is, because that’s literally the reason I started following them for. I love their fics!! They aren’t just my moots, these people are great authors and artists and I enjoy what they do, so I consume and support their content. That’s it. And after this fact, they’re also my friends. Please just have a look at the reblogs of my posts. 90% of the time, the only people giving me feedbacks are my moots. And as much as they support everything I do, I want to support them too. It’s that simple and has nothing to do with "popular blogs" sticking together or anything like that.

If I haven’t reblogged a fic in which you tagged me in yet, please don’t get mad at me. I promise that I’m not doing this on purpose. Your fic isn’t bad just because I’m not paying attention to it. I‘m really trying to be as supportive as I can, but this blog isn’t a job. It’s barely even a hobby. Don’t forget that I’m a human too and that I have a life outside of tumblr. And next time you get frustrated over a missing reblog from me, consider all of these things I just mentioned before sending me such asks.

#𝒯𝒶𝓁𝓀𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓉𝑜 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓂𝑜𝑜𝓃 ⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾⋆⁺₊⋆

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beautifulpersonpeach · 9 months

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If it weren’t jikook, do you think it would be weird if someone changed their watch to be their friends birthtime? Like, do you think it could be friendly or it is something that has to be between partners, like I’ve seen other make it seem?

***

Definitely feels like more effort than required for a simple 'just friends' scenario... But so is carrying someone bridal style and only putting them down after they suck on your neck, sucking their ear and kissing it in front of 60,000+ people, or filming yourself reacting almost exclusively to only their content for your millions of fans to see, et cetera.

So, you know, seemingly too extra to be 'just friends' or 'brothers', but also kinda typical for jikook, and there is a lot of daylight between that and "married with a dog in the yard". Human relationships can take a lot of shapes and I frankly don't spend a lot of time or mental real estate trying to figure out exactly what jikook are. I probably sound like a phoney since I'm on jikook tumblr, but I've not really deeply thought about the mechanics of their relationship. It's probably why I don't really have any strong theories or opinions around their timeline, nor am I interested in their fics, etc.

I just see them loving each other out loud in so many interesting and hilarious ways. And my heart softens a bit when I notice it. This watch thing I'll file under the same category of 'jikook jikooking'.

But yeah, no Korean guy is changing the time on his watch to match that of his homie's birth-time. There'd have to be a much deeper commitment between them.

It's always possible Jimin likely just forgot to switch back his watch to the right timezone after a trip, but jikook 'coincidences' are... a curious phenomenon so it can't be ruled out.

#jikook #jimin #jungkook

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phantomram-b00 · 4 months

Text

Okay so I’m joining solitary of the strike curtesy to Bisan from 21st to 28th for Palestine as they are actively in need of our help, i advice all to do the same. But I see an alerting thing that I need to address rn. To spread awareness and to make sure my mutuals/followers don’t fall victim into this.

So there even donation scams going around this app, such as:

I’ve saw two more of these, one of me was posing as a Palestinian Mother with two kids whilst the other claimed to need money for their lungs. Now I wish I had these screenshots to prove my claims but at the time I wasn’t sure if I was going crazy or was the only one having this gut feeling. But today, I realize this has been an alarming thing. This just happen to me, and I’m finding out, this is how they’ll get you:

Typically, they’re use your AMA to ask for donation, whether it on their animal, children, etc that require their donation usually by PayPal. Another is that, they’ll randomly follow you and immediately use the AMA to try to get you to either donate to them or signal boost their donation. Usually their story will be a copy paste as it more than just one. This situation is truly worse than p*rnbots. And frankly it absolutely disgusting.

If you want more proof other than the proof I just showed above, go search on Donation Scam and you’ll see many of these scammers. Here are one I can provide as there more than one incident where this happen:

Now to try to prevent this from happening I will link also a blog that goes in depth on how to prevent something like this from happen to you ghost pals or your mutuals or followers so they don’t fall victim into this:

What can I tell you, my mutuals and followers is that, please report them and block them is this does happen to you.

“But what if they’re being truthful”

I wish I can tell you, but the sad truth, it can be tricky because it the internet, as much as it a place to connect, it can also be a place to deceive you. So the best advice as I can tell you is be on your P’s and Q’s. Because years ago I was scammed and hacked for trusting a source I thought was factual. So I don’t want that to happen to you Ghostly Pals. And for my mutuals/friends, please be careful. 🩶 but I do have an advice, save their photo and run it by a photo finder I personally use TinEye and see if the image have been posted anyway, but if you have another you prefer even better:

Originally I was gonna make a post about boundary regarding the AMA but now that I see this have been a new scam running rampant on tumblr, I can’t keep my mouth shut about this and I need to let this be known. But I will still say, please only use my AMA for asking questions or telling me things whether it’s Good omens related or whatever. Please don’t use it to ask for donations like what these scammers are doing. I hope this doesn’t make me sound like an asshole but I just want to be safe. Until then please spread this around, make this known. Please.

I will like to thank the people whom I’ve linked as if it weren’t for them, I wouldn’t have known that this was an ongoing problem so I advice you look at the links and listen to them as your speading awareness.

#donation scam #scams #scammers #cat scam #please spread #spreading awareness #psa #important #important psa #spread awareness #scam #please listen #this is important #beware #please dont ignore this

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sailormoonrarepairweek · 2 years

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Welcome to the second annual Sailor Moon Rare Pair Week! The event will take place from March 12th - March 18th, 2023, but I'm announcing the themes early to give everyone plenty of time to create their fanworks.

What counts as a rare pair for this event, you ask? Any pairing that isn't Usagi/Mamoru (or any of their incarnations), pretty much! (Don’t get too hung up on the word “rare”. Just roll with it, okay?) They usually have their own week, so this event is a chance for fans to show their love for pairings other than the Miracle Romance, canon or not. You can even include poly, platonic, and cross-over ships, if you'd like! Almost anything goes, as long as you follow some simple guidelines.

Fanworks should somehow incorporate the one of the day's themes. (You can pick just one; you don't have to use both.) How you choose the interpret the theme is up to you!

A non-UsaMamo pair must be the focus of the fic (although Usagi/Mamoru can appear as a side pairing or as part of a polycule).

All ratings allowed.

No smut involving underage characters, which I'm defining as under 18 years old. Otherwise, as long as the characters are portrayed as adults in the fanwork, go wild! Just please make sure to properly tag.

Pairings of all sexual/romantic orientations welcome.

Fanfics should be a minimum of 500 words. Poetry may be shorter, though. (If you're writing fanfic, I REALLY would prefer you post your fics on AO3 or Fanfiction.net and provide a link to your story, but if you must post on Tumblr itself, please make use of the "Read More" option. If you don't have an AO3 account and would like an invitation to create one, I recently remembered I have some old invites I can give out. Just message me with the email you would like to use for your account, and I will be happy to send you one!)

Fanart should be a completed drawing. (Any fanart portraying nudity or anything of an R/NC-17 nature should be cropped if immediately visible on your Tumblr post. You can post the full image under a "Read More" (if you think it'll get past the sensors) or provide a link to the image on another site.)

Graphics, image boards, playlists, cosplay photos, crafts, meta/essays, etc. are also welcome!

Comments, kudos, and reblogs are encouraged, but don't be a jerk! If you're not a fan of a pairing, please just ignore and move on.

On Tumblr, if you tag #smrarepairweek2023, I will reblog your post. I'll tag explict art and fics reblogs as #nsfw, so feel free to block that tag if you'd rather not see those posts.

Do not post your works anywhere until the day dedicated to your chosen theme. I have created a collection at AO3 where you can submit your entries if you'd like. (Adding your work to the collection will not be required.)

Themes

Day 1: Past/Future Day 2: Sweet/Spicy Day 3: Friend/Enemy Day 4: Dream/Nightmare Day 5: Fake/True Day 6: Hot/Cold Day 7: Free

#sailor moon rare pair week #smrarepairweek2023 #sailor moon #sailor moon fanfiction #sailor moon fanart

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ocpotluck · 7 days

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No offense but literally people are gonna just pick mutuals and friends and that's okay, but if you're mutuals and friends are not participating then you're doomed unless someone is really nice and includes you. Also the Pride Challenges are just... Why can we not have simple straightforward challenges anymore without all the fancy blurbs etc. I just spend all my time trying to interpret it.

Hello Anon,

As of recent years, we've only ever had the same people join the exchanges. At this point, everyone's already 'considered' mutuals. No matter what we do, no one else wants to join or attempt to join. This has been going on for four years. We created this blog after the Maddie ordeal because they purposely shut us out of the blog we used to have called ocgiftexchange where I and another admin were the only ones who did the work while Maddie promoted everything.

We remade this blog in hopes of bringing more happiness and comfort to those who wanted those without judgement or limits. When we started, we had many people who participated but due to anon hate, many have reached out to us to say that they wished to no longer join because of the remarks that been said. Some have even been pushed off from Tumblr which is a horrible thing because as I said, we made this blog to be a small positive corner of the oc community. We may not have a huge following, and sure it's manly mutuals that join but it isn't our fault. We try to accommodate, but no matter how hard we aim to please, we seem to fall short in someone's eyes. And that's a very real life lesson, so we move forward.

I'm personally going to health issues so next month of June is going to be hard for me and the other admins are working their 9-5 jobs that require them to head to bed early at night and still need to make time for their college courses. We just figured since it's been the same people that been joining in for the past years that they could choose any three of the participants that they'd like to edit for. But even that is just a mere suggestion of who'll they'd like to gift for, it's no guarantee. We're still matching the people but they just get a say.

I also cannot speak for Pride Challenges blurbs. I don't write them personally, the only one I ever wrote for was for the Star Wars challenge. I solely run ocpotluck.

Some people prefer the more lengthy summaries to help them get an idea of what to do and how to do it because they need references, and that's not a bad thing. Some people naturally have a hard time understanding things so the blurbs help reduce those slight frustrations. However it can be hard for others to understand the text and try to decipher the meaning, but it's all up to interpretation.

I didn't mean for this ask to go on and on, but I just wanted to clarify a few things in a well respected and mannered way. This has no ill-intention or was supposed to be read in a passive tone or anything. This is just a simple reasoning behind our exchange and mission of ocpotluck.

Thank you.

#anon asks #admin: ky

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tori-tumbls-04 · 10 months

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Alright, by popular demand and after much anticipation, I present to you:

The Jedi Culture and Religion as Presented by Me, Tori

Now why the hell should you read this? I mean like, you don't have to. This is tumblr dot com, not a social sciences class, and I have not assigned this as required reading. However, I took a class on Star Wars, and we essentially discussed the irl religions and moral philosophies that influenced many things in Star Wars. This class really helped me understand the Jedi in a broader sense, so I think that my summation of it will help you too

WARNING: This post contains incredibly broad descriptions of religions that do not always apply to every aspect of said religion (This was a short class and we were mostly comparing religions, so going into a deep analysis on all the traditions would not have been helpful for our purposes. Also, because any religion is hopelessly complex, we learned the mainstream versions of them, so not everything I will say will always completely apply to every person who practices these religions)

If you want to read more, click on the links where I've attached them for references or just ask me! I'd love to gush about the Jedi so give it a go

Table of contents:

Buddhism

Daoism

Christianity

Conclusion

Before we get into this, let me give y'all some context.

Overall, Star Wars was inspired by the book The Hero of a Thousand Faces by Joseph Campbell. In it, Campbell claims that every religion is, by in large, the same, which he argues by distilling down what he says are the main hero stories of every religion into a step-by-step plot line that can supposedly apply to every religion's stories. This is the monomyth, or the original Hero's Journey.

Source

From a religious studies standpoint, this is WILDLY untrue. Campbell picked and chose his stories elements based on what he believed fit the narrative, and not even all Western hero stories fit this narrative, let alone Eastern stories (for example, Jesus never really has a Road of Trials. He's born, there's a twenty year time skip, and suddenly he's the all-powerful Son of God/God Reincarnate. I think a lot of Christians would say that Jesus is their hero- a perfectly valid and acceptable thing to say, since that is indeed the point of Jesus!- but nevertheless, he doesn't follow the Hero's Journey). Also, you can't claim that every religion is inherently the same, that's ignoring literally everything that makes religion religion, and it makes white idiots from Seattle think they understand everything about Confucianism just because they read that one book. It's also not super well written and the book kinda sucks overall.

However, this was a really popular book and it influenced a lot of minds on storytelling, including George Lucas's. It's mostly regarded with scorn in religious studies spheres today, but a lot of screenwriting classes assign it because the Hero's Journey creates stories that audiences want to hear told. Lucas used it for this reason, but also claimed that the Jedi were every religion in the world distilled into one, taking broad themes and building a culture around it (paraphrased- I can't find the exact quote and I didn't write it down so just like trust me bro). This is Hero with a Thousand Faces, plain and simple. I think we'd be hard-pressed to apply the Jedi religion to every religion, but there are three religions that emerge as the core for the Jedi, plus a few philosophies. These chosen few are Buddhism, Daoism, and Christianity.

Buddhism

(Source)

Anyone who's been on the pro-Jedi side of any social media site probably saw this one coming. Jedi are inherently Buddhist in practice and culture, and we see it everywhere. But for the previously uninitiated, here's the rundown.

What is Buddhism?

**Disclaimer: I am not an expert in Buddhism. What I know is what I've learned from this class and from one of my best friends who is Buddhist. If you want to know more, I recommend doing outside research because I'm really only equipped to talk about Buddhism in relation to the Jedi Order**

Buddhism was created in about 5th century BCE by Siddhartha Gautama, who was a wealthy prince that grew weary of the material and physical pleasures of this world. He left his titles, wealth, and wife behind and traveled for years to learn meditation techniques and ancient truths about the world. Eventually, he became the Enlightened One, or the Buddha.

Buddha taught with the Four Noble Truths:

Life is characterized by suffering

The cause of suffering is desire and delusion

Suffering has an end

You can alleviate suffering by following the path to Enlightenment (aka nirvana)

Yeahhh Buddha wasn't really Mr. Happy Fun Guy. Essentially, to Buddha, everything is suffering, and I really mean everything. Everything bad is bad, everything good comes to an end and becomes bad, and the more invested you are in earthly affairs, the more you'll suffer because of how they'll work out (eventually bad). The solution? No attachment to earthly affairs. This allows you to stay on the path to Nirvana without making yourself suffer (and here's the kicker) or making the people around you suffer. The goal is for no human to suffer.

Now, Buddha recognizes this is hard. Like, he got it in a few years, but he's also The Best At Everything Ever. Most people take multiple lifetimes to get to the point of nirvana (reincarnation exists in Buddhism), and by multiple, I mean somewhere around 500. So the goal of your life is not to achieve complete non-attachment by the time you die, but to get yourself closer and close to non-attachment and non-suffering with each life. That means continuously and consciously working to do good and reduce suffering everywhere, even if you can't reach nirvana just yet.

Source

"But Tori!" you may protest, "How in the hell are we supposed to do that??? How do we know what will make people suffer and what won't???"

That, my friends, is why the good Buddha came up with the Eightfold Path to Enlightenment, or what I call the Cosmic Playbook for Doing Good. Here's the Eight Folds:

Right Understanding (accepting Buddhist teachings)

Right Resolve (committing to action)

Right Speech (telling the truth)

Right Action (avoiding wrong behavior)

Right Livelihood (not having an occupation that does harm)

Right Effort (controlling one's mind)

Right Mindfulness (being present in the moment)

Right Meditation (mental calm)

The Eightfold Path is based on three pillars: Wisdom, Morality, and Meditation. Wisdom says you must have understanding and fight delusion; Morality says you must have benevolence and never give into anger; Meditation says you must be non-attached and never give into greed (Is this starting to sound familiar?)

Now here's the key part: Buddhism teaches selflessness and compassion. And like yeah, I mean this in the Western sense of "don't be a dickwad," but there's also a Buddhist-specific reasoning behind this.

Selflessness in the Buddhist sense literally means no self. As in you do not exist, except in a constant state of change. Your self is not permanent, therefore tying things to yourself (attachments) is going against nature and preventing you from reaching nirvana. If we accept that we are fleeting and the things associated with us are as well- money, power, influence, things in general- then we may act selflessly and with compassion to other humans. We are all connected, so acting with compassion to other people will spread compassion further throughout the universe, alleviating suffering further.

Ultimately, this is what Buddha wanted for his followers to act, and this is why Buddhism distinguishes between "good" and "bad" attachments. "Good" or selfless attachments are connections made for the goal of helping others. The focus is not you, and when the time comes, you are content with parting ways. This person is not a part of you, simply a part of this point in your life. This doesn't mean they can't have a lasting impact on you or you can't have emotion towards them, but it does mean recognizing that nothing is permanent and accepting it with peace. "Bad" or selfish attachments are people you latch onto as part of you. Bad attachment is making it about you: you have to have this person or you will die, you have to have their love or support or whatever and you're unwilling to compromise. When they leave, you can't except it because you believe both you, your self, them, and their self are permanent, and it causes you to lash out to protect your self. According to Buddha, this is the cause of all aggression, and that is why selfish attachment is to be avoided as much as possible.

Buddhism and the Jedi

I started with Buddhism because, in my opinion, the Jedi religion has its foundations in Buddhism. If you don't understand Buddhism, you can't understand the Jedi, and I think that's why many people believe that Jedi philosophy doesn't make sense. Cause lowkey, from a Judeo-Christian standpoint, it doesn't. But if we start with Buddhism and work from there, the understanding might come better.

Let's take a look at the pillars of the Eightfold Path again:

Wisdom (Understanding, no delusion)

Right Understanding (accepting Buddhist teachings)

Right Resolve (committing to action)

Morality (Benevolence, no anger)

Right Speech (telling the truth)

Right Action (avoiding wrong behavior)

Right Livelihood (not having an occupation that does harm)

Meditation (Non-attachment, no greed)

Right Effort (controlling one's mind)

Right Mindfulness (being present in the moment)

Right Meditation (mental calm)

Now compare it with this version of the Jedi Mantra:

"There is no emotion, there is peace. There is no ignorance, there is knowledge. There is no passion, there is serenity. There is no chaos, there is harmony. There is no death, there is the Force"

(Source)

Some of these are not relevant right now, since they come from Daoism or Christianity (and also, we'll come back to the other version in a minute). But you can already see the parallels between Buddhism and the Jedi, especially in the Meditation pillar. Right Meditation and Right Mindfulness correspond directly to "There is no emotion, there is peace" and "There is no passion, there is serenity." Also, Right Understanding and Right Resolve feel very "There is no ignorance, there is knowledge" to me. This means that "There is no emotion" does not mean there is no emotion ever, it simply means controlling your gut reaction and staying calm. Reacting with gut emotions sometimes means that people around you will suffer, especially when your gut emotions are anger and hurt. Remember, we're not about suffering in this house, so there will be no gut reactions here when we can help it.

Also, the idea of attachments comes straight from Buddhism. In Buddhism, delusion leads to anger and greed, which leads to further suffering, and we delude ourselves by being selfish (remember, in this sense selfish is thinking our self is permanent, not necessarily being a dickwad). Now, I really hope this sounds familiar, because this is "fear leads to anger leads to hate leads to suffering" in practically the same words. Here, delusion of the self and fear of losing it are one in the same, and the Jedi fight this by not being attached to one state of themself, and everything that entails. Ultimately, the Jedi exist to alleviate suffering throughout the galaxy. That is their literal job description and what they sign up for when they become Knights. In Buddhist philosophy, having selfish attachments is directly counter to this idea, as we see in Anakin.

Because this definition comes directly from Buddhism, this does not mean that Jedi cannot make connections. In fact, Buddhism says we are all connected (just like with the Force! Wow it's almost like that was planned), and we should have compassion for everyone. The Jedi also say this, plain and simple, in broad daylight.

(Source: @ gffa, David Thibault on Pinterest)

The best example of a Buddhist Jedi is Yoda, who was based off of literal Buddhist monks and has non-attached compassion down to a science.

So, in summary, we got the Buddhist ideas of attachment, compassion, and selfishness for the Jedi. What about everything else?

Daoism

(Source)

Next up is Daoism/Taoism! This one is possibly the least obvious if you don't have familiarity with Eastern religions and philosophies (or maybe it is for everyone else, but I was kind of surprised to see Daoism and how well it applies to SW/the Jedi). Let's get into it

What is Daoism/Taoism?

**Same disclaimer for Daoism that I had for Buddhism! Except I know even less about Daoism than I do about Buddhism. Again, if you have more questions, I recommend doing outside research because I'm about to tell you just about everything I know on Daoism here**

First things first, how do you spell it? Daoism or Taoism?

There's no actual difference between them. The sound at the beginning of the word doesn't really exist in English, but it's somewhere between D and T, and translators often switch between the two. I use D because I just like the way Daoism sounds better than Taoism, but that's literally such a dumb reason. Call it whichever, people will understand you! There's gonna be a lot of those in this, since Chinese to English translation is tricky on the best of days and translating Daoism is... well, we'll get to it

Lau Tzu, from source

Daoism is one of the six great philosophical schools of China. It emerged around 3 century CE when Lao Tzu wrote the Dao De Jing (also known as the Tao Te Ching. To keep my spelling of D/T consistent, I'll be using the Dao De Jing spelling). The story goes that he was a great sage of his time, and he was stopped by Chinese border patrol one day. When the agents recognized who he was, they begged him for advice and pearls of wisdom. So, he gave it to them, and someone (possibly Lao Tzu, possibly one of the agents) wrote it down. This would be awesome and hilarious, because the Dao De Jing is a short book, but it has 80+ poems/maxims/stories in it, which means mans was there for way longer than the border patrol probably wanted him there

It's also possible that Lao Tzu doesn't exist and the Dao De Jing was actually written by multiple people buuuuut the other explanation is more fun so let's go with that

Dao De Jing roughly translates to "The Book of Virtue and Wisdom." In it are a lot of verses that explain the Daoist school of thought. They can be translated in many ways, but the version I read was in poetry. Here are a few excerpts that I think explain the Daoist religion the best:

"The way you can go isn’t the real way. The name you can say isn’t the real name. Heaven and earth begin in the unnamed: name’s the mother of the ten thousand things. So the unwanting soul sees what’s hidden, and the ever-wanting soul sees only what it wants. Two things, one origin, but different in name, whose identity is mystery. Mystery of all mysteries! The door to the hidden."

Source: "1, Taoing" Tao Te Ching, trans. Ursula K. Le Guin

"Not praising the praiseworthy keeps people uncompetitive. Not prizing rare treasures keeps people from stealing. Not looking at the desirable keeps the mind quiet. So the wise soul governing people would empty their minds, fill their bellies, weaken their wishes, strengthen their bones, keep people unknowing, unwanting, keep the ones who do know from doing anything. When you do not-doing, nothing’s out of order."

Source: "3, Hushing." Tao Te Ching, Ursula K. Le Guin

"Be completely empty. Be perfectly serene. The ten thousand things arise together; in their arising is their return. Now they flower, and flowering sink homeward, returning to the root."

Source: "10, Returning to the Root." Tao Te Ching, Ursula K. Le Guin

Now if you think that these are confusing and difficult to parse, you'd be correct. It's not just cause they're written as poems and not just cause they're translations between two difficult languages to translate; the Dao De Jing is intentionally written to be difficult to understand. You have to work to understand the Dao (the Way), and that's how Lao Tzu intended it. But part of the work in understanding the Dao is part of the experience of the religion. In other words, putting the work to try and understand the Dao is already halfway there!

Because I'm nice and because I want some baseline understandings for this discussion, I'll go ahead and give you broadly accepted interpretations of and concepts from the Dao De Jing.

The goal is to be unified with everything around you. All things cycle into each other and influence each other, and the goal of the Way is to be one with the natural flow of the universe

There is a common delusion that things are separate from each other. In Daoism, this is false. Nothing is truly separated- all things flow into each other and become each other in time (This is where yin and yang come from)

Adding off of that last point, identifying things too much will result in privileging one over the other. In Daoism, humans operate too much in absolute terms- what is good, what is bad, why each is each, and how to keep the good without having the bad. But all things must cycle into each other (dirt to flowers to dirt, sun to moon to sun, winter to summer to winter, etc), otherwise there is no balance, and no Way to follow

To follow the Way, you have to practice wu wei, or non-doing. In its absolute simplest terms, non-doing is going with the flow, but in a very specific way. Non-doing requires acting organically and adapting as specific opportunities arise. Having an end goal is contrary to the Way. Instead, the philosophy of wu wei says that what you need/want will come to you naturally if you follow the flow of nature

Expect things in unexpected places (but not... like... expecting? Cause you gotta Go With The Flow y'know? Anyways)

Pacifism to the Max

You must follow the Way completely and fully. Half-assing the Dao will result in being generally unhappy since you're not actively pursuing your goals either outside the Way or inside the Way. So it's just like lose-lose no matter what

There's like... more. But that's enough to delve into the Jedi methinks so let's do it.

Daoism and the Jedi (and Star Wars overall)

Jedi are notorious for defying expectations. A crotchety old frog is the most powerful Jedi in the Order. The most devout Jedi Padawan ends up being the person who tried to blow up their Temple. The person who will become The Villain of All Time is regarded as being well on his way to being one of the Best Jedi in the Order, if not already there. The list goes on. The same crotchety old frog says everything as cryptically as possible to force his students to do the work to understand what he's saying (a mannerism that many Jedi copy, if they're not as cryptic as Yoda). The Jedi are not pacifists, per se, but they go out of their way to be non-violent as often as possible (this overlaps with the Buddhist idea of attachments and their relation to violence). The Jedi also try to treat within their Order the same, and hierarchy is pretty loose.* Also, the Force is the Way. It literally flows through everything, it doesn't get more obvious than that. Also, "do or do not, there is no try," anyone?

*This point is contentious, I know, but looking canon it's true. The Jedi do not privilege one Jedi over another- councilor members seem to be treated roughly the same inside the Order as every other Knight or Master. The difference between Knight and Master is nebulous at best and the only difference between the two seems to be raising a Padawan. But at what point beyond that does a Knight become a Master? Why are Knights also called Masters and vice versa? Padawans and younglings are a different story, but certainly within ranks there is little differentiation.

But more than that, the world that the Jedi operate in is very Daoist. The Light and Dark side of the Force come from yin and yang (though, due to Buddhist and Christian influences, yin isn't quite the Dark side and yang isn't quite the Light, but the idea definitely came from Daoism). Light and dark people have bits of both in them, as Clone Wars goes out of its way to demonstrate over and over again. In The Last Jedi, Luke outright states that the Force is what ties together the Light and the Dark, and that they cycle into each other. This is reinforced over and over again. In Mortis,

Source

On Ahch-To,

Source

And just about every time anyone says where there is great light there is also great darkness, plus a lot in Legends content because Legends writers apparently love playing with this.

Also, time in Daoism (and generally in Eastern religions/philosophies) is cyclical. In the West, we view time as cyclical- one thing happened back then and it won't ever happen the same way again. But in Daoism, the same events happen over and over again in a continual cycle, just as they do in nature. Star Wars operates in the exact same way. The Republic rises, then the Empire, then the Republic, then the First Order, and on and on. Characters rise and fall with their times, and at times, it seems like the same story is doomed to play out over and over again. Where exists bright light, also exists deep night; every action has an equal and opposite reaction.

Alright, back to the Jedi Mantra. Now that we're in Daoism, let's look at the weird one:

"Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet the Force."

Source

Many interpretations of this mantra have focused on the idea that both exist, and I personally agree with that interpretation, especially in the context of Daoism. The key with Daoism is that Daoists aren't trying to change the world, like Christians or Buddhists. They're simply trying to be one with the universe, as is the natural state of things. They do not deny the chaos, but harmonize with it instead. They do not deny death, they simply follow the Way/Dao/Force to death when it's time. The key to Daoism is holding contradictions together and finding the way between them like water in a stream, instead of choosing one side over another. Also, tell me this doesn't read like the Dao De Jing? You can't because it does.

(Side note: the holding contradictions together thing is also the explanation behind Obi-Wan's iconic line "Only the Sith deal in absolutes." Sith cannot acknowledge shades of gray or sides that are not their own: for the Sith, there is only their side and everyone else's side, and their side is always right. Jedi are trained to see the white dot in the black swirl and the black dot in the white swirl. Sith can only see the black or the white, nothing in-between. This is also known as obsessive and/or antagonistic thinking.)

The best example of a Daoist Jedi is Qui-Gon Jinn, aka Mr. "Let's-Bet-On-Some-Kid-Who's-Never-Won-A-Podrace-In-His-Life" whose middle name is Maverick. Need I say more?

So, in summary, we got the "weird" and confusing parts of the Jedi religion from Daoism (though I hope I cleared some of them up! But they are meant to be confusing lmao)

Christianity

Source

"But Tori," you protest, "If the Jedi are supposed to be following the Way and the Way goes between what's good and bad, why are Jedi constantly the Good Guys who do Good Things instead of being neutral monks on their mountain?"

Well my friend, let me introduce you to a little thing called Christianity.

Now, in my opinion, the Jedi are possibly least inspired by Christianity. By in large, most of their themes and Main Religious Points can be found in either Buddhism or Daoism. But so far, all we have for motivation of why the Jedi do good things is compassion and to alleviate suffering. How do they know how to do that? The Jedi say they do it by following the Force, but how do they do it by following the Daoist Force, which says they have to be neutral as possible and one with nature?

Let's pivot to Christianity (with no disclaimer for this one because I was raised Baptist and Catholic (long story) and I actually know quite a bit about Christianity).

What is Christianity?

Christianity grew from followers of Judaism right around 0 CE. Though the Torah (the primary Jewish religious text) is official canon in Christianity, Christians follow God and Humanity's savior, the Son of God, Jesus. When Jesus was alive, He preached gospel to His followers over the course of a few years. Though there are many things that make up Christian theology, Jesus's teachings are often first, foremost, and the foundation of that theology. These were written down in the Bible in the Gospels of Mark, Matthew, Luke, and John, and further expanded into the New Testament of the Bible (the primary Christian religious text).

Jesus was real simple. He preached that there is a Good and a Bad, and both of those things are determined by the creator of the universe, God. A true Christian will do Good things, like feed the poor and respect your fellow man. If you do Bad things, that's okay! You just have to confess and repent, and you will be forgiven by God. Other Christians also must forgive you, because that is one of the Good things that All Christians Must Do. If you refuse to repent, you go to Hell when you die. If you believe in and worship God, follow all the rules, and do all the Good things, God will reward you in the afterlife by sending you to the Kingdom of Heaven, where there is No Bad Ever.

Tl;dr: don't be a dickwad and say thanks to God every once and a while and you're good homie.

Therefore, Christianity is based around three pillars: Faith, Love, and Hope. Have faith in your God to know what to love and what to do, and hope for a better tomorrow and afterlife.

Everything else is kind of extra and we don't really need it here (including the Ten Commandments, since the Jedi don't really follow them), so like... don't get mad at me for summing up Christianity like this please haha

Christianity and the Jedi

I've already alluded to this, but Jedi get their moral compass from belief and faith in the Force to essentially tell them what to do. This is fresh outta Christianity ladies, gents, and enbies; though themes overlap a bit in Daoism, Christianity takes pains to make it clear that its moral compass come from God and Jesus. If you want to read more about this, CS Lewis articulates the argument really well in Mere Christianity.

Now, this bit can be a little tricky to see clearly with the Jedi, since the Force doesn't act like the Christian God. The Christian God is generally fairly active in a Christian's life, especially in the Bible. God will straight up send heavenly messengers or like communicate with people himself in the Bible to tell them what to do, but the Force is more subtle than that. Obviously the Jedi can feel the Force, but they rarely- if ever- know what the Force is trying to tell them. So instead, Jedi seem to use more of a river current approach: where the Force flows is obviously Good, so they try to feel the Force tugging them in that direction and go there. But you can swim against the flow of a river, and sometimes it's super easy to do in still spots. That's okay! As long as you repent and turn around, it's all good.

The practice is obviously Daoist, but the Force as the Ultimate Moral Good is a Christian concept. This is why Jedi are the good guys and why following the Force generally leads to the most narratively rewarding and best outcomes- if they were purely Daoist, they'd spend their days doing things like eating wood and carving cart wheels perfectly right (Daoist stories can get more exciting, but generally Daoist hero stories revolve around mundane things like this to emphasize that the way to live is to be perfectly in tune with the world around you). Instead, Jedi often present themselves as Christian heroes. You know, the ones who follow God and defend their city from evil forces, magically know which food is poisoned, carrying people across a near-impossible to cross river, levitating and making things fly across rooms, and more. Any of this sound familiar?

The Jedi morals themselves are influenced from many places, as we've already seen. But the Dark side vs. the Light side are Western/Christian; it's very reminiscent of heaven vs. hell and the motifs in both mirror that. The Dark side is cold, aggressive, and "bad," and the Light is warm, kind, and "good" (in Daoism, these concepts are flipped). The visuals draw from Western visuals of both.

Also, Jedi are supposed to look like a cross between samurai and Christian monks, and many of the other aesthetic choices for Jedi come from one of those two influences.

Source (1, 2, 3+4)

The Vatican compared with the Jedi Temple in AotC and RotS

Jedi are also literally called Knights. How much more obvious can it get.

Christian Jedi are a little harder to nail down, but if it came down to it, I'd probably place my bets on Obi-Wan Kenobi. Obi-Wan has doing Light Side things down pat, as well as forgiveness and repent. Plus, tell me he didn't sound a bit like God when he was talking to Luke in ANH.

Conclusion

So, if I had to sum up the Jedi, I'd say it like this (Bold is from Buddhism, italics is from Daoism, and bold+italics are from Christianity):

"The Jedi Order is a Force-sensitive religious group dedicated to the alleviation of suffering throughout the galaxy. Though they are mainly trained as peacekeepers, all Jedi are proficient with a lightsaber, and the Order encourages this practice as long as they use their skills to defend.

Due to their Force-sensitivity, Jedi can connect to the living things around them and sense emotions, thoughts, and sometimes memories as though they were their own. Without proper emotional regulation, Jedi can become overwhelmed and pass out or obtain other psychic damage. For this reason, the Jedi practice mindfulness and non-attachment through meditation. From a young age, Jedi are trained to regulate emotional instincts and react mindfully to their surroundings to not overwhelm themselves or others.

The Jedi follow the Will of the Force. Though this can be difficult to interpret, Jedi train their entire lives to recognize the signals of the Force as they are presented to them. The Jedi follow the "Light Side"* of the Force, which puts them in direct opposition to the Sith, who follow the Dark Side. The two have been mortal enemies since time immortal, and will continue to be so as the cycle of light and dark continues to chase itself.

*it's worth noting here that at no point in time is the Force that the Jedi follow referred to as the "light side," it's simply the Force. This implies that the Jedi truly are just following The Way, and the Sith have completely convoluted The Way.

There are two versions of the Jedi Mantra, which outline their philosophies well:

"There is no emotion, there is peace. There is no ignorance, there is knowledge. There is no passion, there is serenity. There is no chaos, there is harmony. There is no death, there is the Force"

"Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet the Force."

The Jedi believe that fear leads to anger, which leads to hate, which leads to suffering. Therefore, Jedi try to conquer fear and selfishness as much as possible, which is how the Jedi principle of non-attachment came about. Though Jedi believe in compassion and love, their duties and Force-sensitivity require them to forgo attachments, or unhealthy and obsessive relationships with others. This is a struggle that many Jedi work through their entire lives. Jedi also believe in non-material possession and contentment in the natural world. Since the natural world and the Force are intertwined with each other, this allows Jedi to listen to the Force better."

Finally, the way the Jedi follow the Force is not the only or "correct" way of following the Force. Just irl as there are no correct cultures or religions, just the ones that align with you, personally, the best, there is no correct way of practicing the Force (though the Sith are generally set up as bad guys in Star Wars, the Dark Side of the Force is corruptive by nature, and Sith are almost always rampaging killing machines, so I think we can make an exception for them). The Force seems to manifest in many different ways, so therefore the religions can too.

I hoped this helped you guys answer any questions you may have about the Jedi! This got so long so if you read to the bottom you're a real trooper. If you still have questions, feel free to rb or shoot me an ask!

#star wars #jedi #jedi order #pro-jedi #meta #star wars meta #sw discussion

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