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#but just having to interact with people drains me so much i don't have the energy to do my actual work

darksideofthemoonbot · 2 days

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Slaanesh

As I previously covered my favourite chaos god, Nurgle, I thought I'd go on to my second favourite: Slaanesh. Not my favourite but the one I relate to the most. Fair warning, this gets personal and not especially amusing. Rather dark actually.

For context to start: I have chronic pain, fibromyalgia stemming from childhood trauma, since I was nine years old. I also have significant mental health issues for which I get therapy and medication. I have only been treated for the chronic pain for a few years, after about 27 years of literal constant torture by my own nervous system.

I understand obsession and chasing the next sensation. Of extremes of passion and self destructive indulgences. I self medicated in various ways for a long time. I am also, as I joke sometimes, a "recovering yandere". I've had times where I've become so obsessed with someone I only know online, that I spent the entire day staring at a message screen waiting for a reply, despite them probably being at work or otherwise busy; because interacting with them was the only thing that mattered and gave my life purpose. New sensations, greater sensations, were always needed to escape the torture chamber of my body.

On a lighter note: on to the circles of seduction

Avidity – I grew up in the 80s and 90s, when "greed is good" was really taking hold in public consciousness. Despite that, this temptation has rarely been much of a love of mine. I collect sins as a hobby but my desire for money has not generally been for money's sake, more on that later.

Gluttony – for so long, food was more an annoyance to me than anything. The suffering drowned out any enjoyment so it was merely a tedious habit I had to partake in to survive.

However! Now that I am getting treatment, I can enjoy things again. And the lack of familiarity with pleasure from food makes it so intense sometimes! Most recently I had a peanut butter and strawberry jelly sandwich on generic store-bought whole wheat bread. It was so good. Unbelievably good. My mouth tingled so much it tickled and I almost had to stop eating. The savoury all natural peanut butter, the sweet tang of the jelly, and the soft squishy texture of the bread. Oh dear gods it was heavenly.

Carnality – this seems to be what people first think of when they think of Slaanesh, which to people not on the ace spectrum is probably obvious. For a long time I thought I was ace. No interest, in fact I was hostile to the idea due to trauma. But trauma response is not the same as being ace, and it turns out I am not. Very not. Switch/vers, bi. And in a committed relationship of 24 years with a partner who has no complaints, heh.

Paramountcy – power, control, influence. These are a heady wine for many. I have considered running for local office, school board or something, with ambitions to perhaps state level. Not that I have the means, I am regrettably disabled and the demands of power are too much for me. Doesn't stop me dreaming. And thinking I am more worthy than others to wield such power. Perhaps foolishly.

Vainglory – remember greed above? This is where it gets me. I don't want money for money sake; I want it for all the good I could do with it. Buy and forgive debt. Start businesses that pay better and sell lower. Scholarships. Political influence to improve people's lives materially. Providing food to those in need free of charge. Building low/no rent but well maintained housing. Just do a whole lot of good with vast fortunes. Because then people will love me, cherish me, praise me for my largesse kindness. I will be invited to all the public events, have hospitals named after me, get messages of gratitude from all those I've helped. To be worshipped, in a secular way, for my use of my money. And yet remain rich, for after a certain threshold money compounds upon itself indefinitely.

Indolency – here's the circle where I die. I am... so tired. Decades of misery have drained me. Medications sap my energy even as they reduce my pain. I've had long swathes of time where I'd go to bed around 21:00 and sleep until 10:00. And then nap in the afternoon. Napping in fact was my chief hobby for many years. I didn't know relaxation until recently, as I was always tense; trying to hold myself up so less of me was pressed on a surface, because it hurt. I still struggle to relax and let a bed or chair hold me up without my effort. It is an alien sensation, frightful in a way, as though I will fall through the world if I let go.

The Palace of Pleasure – no line uncrossed, no barrier unbroken, no debasement too low, no extreme too high. Worry not, dear reader, I do in fact have scruples. But I relate to the notion well. After half a lifetime of senses dulled by endless unchanging aches and an unbalanced mind, I yearn. I yearn for all those experiences that many take for granted. The joy of a sandwich, the thrill of minor ambition, the softness of restorative rest. Pleasure. It isn't what I expected. I imagined pleasure as a passive feeling, a relaxation and untroubled feeling. A soothing of the pain, I couldn't imagine more. Yet it is more than that. It feels very much like the opposite of pain, an intense and sometimes stabbing sensation. A good one. Like a pain but you want to experience it. Pleasure can be so good and so intense, a mirror of what life used to be.

And I want more.

#chaos gods #slaanesh #warhammer 40k #warhammer fantasy #i am also intersex so the mixed gender expression of slaanesh daemons is relatable

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bubblebbg · 1 year

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would you be able to do a Miguel x f!reader where the reader is a civilian who's the sunshine to his grumpy? She's pretty much the definition of the quote "the violence it took to be this kind". She had an abusive childhood, and unfortunately she's currently up in an abusive relationship, she tries really hard to hide her pain with warmth and laughter, hiding her bruises with long sleeves in the summer and concealer.

This is my first request, I'm so happy! I wasn't really comfortable writing the physical abuse part (I don't want to misrepresent this issue) , so I've made it to where the reader is in an unhappy relationship instead. I hope this is along the lines of what you wanted. :)

𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐬𝐮𝐩𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞.

Miguel O'Hara x reader

To him, you're one of those people that deserves better, deserves the best. Today especially, that's what you should be getting. If Miguel could, he'd hand you worlds on a silver platter. But he can't. Not with your boyfriend around to stop him.

Part 2

"Your boyfriend is the biggest asshole I've ever met. Come on, you have to know this by now." Miguel has pulled you to the balcony of your apartment and away from the music and festivities, his jaw clenched with anger as he seethes. He's never liked your boyfriend; there's you, the sweet, kind woman who's always considerate, endlessly patient, practically saintly in nature. And then there's your boyfriend, some scum of the earth who's only ever been callous and cold during your interactions. Miguel has tried and tried and tried to keep his mouth shut about it, but the way your smile faltered as you explained that he couldn't take off work to be at your birthday party is his last straw. "Seriously, today of all day's he has to work? Say the word and I'm sending that douchebag flying through a wall-"

"Miguel, stop it. It's fine, he's just a busy guy you know? And I'm sure you throw enough people around already." You chuckle, but the sadness doesn't quite leave your eyes. You sip some of the champagne in your glass, sighing as you let the alcohol numb some of your senses. Looking out at the cityscape, arms folded on the railing. He really wishes you knew how much you deserve, and the selfish part of him wants to be the one to give that to you.

When you catch him staring at you, at the way the lights of the city glow on your face, he turns forward, sighing and running a hand through his hair. "I just don't get it is all. You could have anyone you wanted, why him? Hell, you're better off alone than with him. If I could make the decisions for you, he would've been gone a long time ago."

You step closer to him and rest your head on his shoulder, eyes closed and the champagne drained from your glass. "I know you're concerned about me, but in the end these decisions are mine to make. I'll talk to him after the party. Until then, how's everything at work? Still got a lot on your hands?"

A smile plays at his lips, feeling a bit warm from the touch. "Hey, don't go changing the subject on me. We need to talk about this."

"You change the subject on me all of the time! Humor me on my birthday, please." He rolls his eyes because he can't believe that you'd play the birthday card on him, but he also knows he can never say no to you. Not with the way you look at him. So he puts an arm around your shoulders and lets a breath out his nose.

"Still stressful, but not so bad. I guess your whole 'have meetings to help people with their mission strategy instead of just yelling at them' plan has been working." You laugh at that, eyes crinkling as you lean more into him. You look good like this, the cheery person you usually are, not the one being let down by their partner. "See? And how hard was that? If I had spider powers like you, I'd be the ultimate diplomatic leader and badass." He can't stop the laughter that bubbles up in his chest when you punch and kick the air to emphasize your badassery.

"Your form is terrible," he smirks, "You'd be dead in seconds."

"And if it weren't for me, every spider ever would have quit because of your nagging."

"Right, right, whatever makes you feel better, civilian."

This is how it's supposed to be, the way it was before you decided to date this guy. It was always you and Miguel before: him carrying all of your grocery bags as you raved about some new hobby, you and him on the roof of your apartment building, him pointing out flaws in a movie at the theater while you ate all the popcorn, him begrudgingly pushing you on a park swing despite his assertations that you were in fact too old to still do this. It hits him all at once. He's missed you. Your absence leaves gaps in his life that no one else can fill.

"Hey," he mumbles, "I know you said you didn't want any gifts, but I got you something. Happy birthday."

Your eyes widen as he timidly hands you a rectangular box, his gaze turned to the city and a light blush on his face. He watches through the corner of his eyes as you open it. Inside is a silver necklace with a lily-of-the-valley preserved in resin, the flower you told him about that grew around your childhood home. Your palm comes to cover your mouth and tears well up in your eyes at the considerate nature of his gift. (That's Miguel, always remembering the details of things you say. When was the last time your boyfriend did that again?) Miguel turns to face you with an anxious expression. "Do you not like it? I left the receipt in there, you can return it and use the money on-"

"No, no, no, it's beautiful," you smile, turning and lifting the hair from your neck, "Could you please put it on me?"

He sighs in relief, taking the necklace and clasping it gently around your neck. As soon as he's done you jump into his arms with a delighted giggle, beaming with joy. He lets himself hug you back for a few more seconds before setting you down. Seeing you like this has his heart racing as he's filled with the courage to say it, to tell you what you mean to him. He opens his mouth to speak and -

Someone shouts through the sliding doors of the balcony, "Hey, where have you been? Get inside, your boyfriend just got here!"

And just like that, the courage is gone, his mouth closing to a slight frown. As he's preparing to go back in and stomach the sight of you with that man, he sees you climbing the steps of the fire escape and stops at the door.

"What are you doing?"

You stop, turning to look at him with the breeze at your back and the moon shining on you. You offer your hand to him.

"Come on, let's go. We can sit on the rooftop like we used to."

He pauses, taking a look at the party inside. Then he takes your hand and you're leading him up like you used to, and everything that was out of place in him shifts back to fit. He smiles at how small and smooth your hand is in his larger, rough one. Yeah, he thinks.

This is how it's meant to be.

#across the spiderverse #miguel o'hara #miguel o'hara x reader #miguel o'hara x you #miguel o'hara angst #miguel o'hara fluff #spiderman across the spiderverse #spiderman #spiderman 2099 #spiderman x reader #astv #beyond the spiderverse #spiderverse #spiderman: across the spiderverse

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cremedensada · 2 months

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I’m gonna need general hcs on interactions with the boy next door… like what if we just moved to town and we first meet him as we’re moving in… Also can they be in like highschool? I don’t know if that’s already the gist but yeah. She’s moving in with her mom and he’s there…

Yandere Boy Next Door

sorry anon i think i went way to far away from what you wanted shdhdh also theyre senior high school students (grade 11 - 12) which is like, two preparatory years for college. so theyre adults bc im much more comfortable with that :33

btw his name is lukas !! he's named now

male yandere + gender neutral darling/reader

lukas is easily approachable - he's got that warmth about him that just draws people in. it's all practiced to maintain his popularity though.

he's also a huge people-pleaser, despite the fact he easily gets burnt out and has his social battery drained.

so when his mom asked him to be a dear and help the new neighbor's kid on their way around the school + neighborhood, he just couldn't say no

sure he's tired, possibly close to having another breakdown just thinking about being pestered by fellow students for answers to homeworks and other menial stuff, but he still manages to say yes and give her another perfectly practiced smile

when he goes over to the house next to theirs - the ones you moved in to, you had no lasting impression on him

now, don't be mistaken, he does think you're good looking but at the end of the day he'd much rather curl up in bed and sleep

so he puts up that perfectly crafted persona and invites you to head to school with him. a new environment is much easier to deal with when you're not dealing with it by yourself! (or something like that)

he tries not to be overbearing, trying to get you to open up while also making sure he's respecting your boundaries and comfort as you made your way inside the school gates

you don't share the same classes, so he asks you for your time table so he knows your schedule

he hopes he's not being creepy or anything, he's just making sure your first day transferring here goes well

sure he's known for being a caring person in general but he does feel like it's his responsibility to make sure you're doing well you know? you're neighbors now, you guys should get along!

it's smooth sailing until it's time you guys finally went home

like that morning, he waits for you and invites you to walk home with him to familiarize with the shortcuts and local lounging spots for students

all the while he tries to get you to talk about your experience today

it must be due to the amount of stress piled up on his plate that lead him to feel... nervous.

his perfect persona cracking as his calm demeanour and collected way of talking slowly devolved into nervous tangents talking about anything at all

were you displeased? his perfection was practiced and polished since he was a kid, was it still not enough for you?

he could handle disappointing people a lot better now but paired with his currently leaning towards unstable, your displeasure is something that's slowly tearing him from the inside

he's jolted out of his thoughts when you suddenly speak up.

"thanks for showing me around. i thought i was going to struggle getting used to things all by myself."

you smiled up at him. "so... yeah. you're... okay."

his heart thumped.

everywhere all around him feels a ton of degrees warmer.

"...okay." lukas was tongue tied.

on the remainder of the journey back home, he walked you to your house, ensuring you got inside safely before making a beeline towards their house and into his room.

normally at this hour he'd be passed out in bed, tired after a whole day of pretending and smiling. today was perhaps the first time he didn't go to bed with his cheeks hurting and aching from smiling so much.

laying in bed, making an excuse as to why he's not going to be joining for dinner, just thinking about you and your words.

lukas grew up living to the standards of being perfect. a perfect son. a perfect student. a perfect friend.

anything less is... unacceptable to say the least. when you do or think of something so often in your day to day life, it becomes a habit. and lukas' habit is perfection.

but you thought he was okay.

okay.

suddenly 'okay' sounds much better than being perfect.

suddenly your opinion towards him becomes much more important than anyone else's.

lukas is a people pleaser, and onwards from that moment, the only 'people' he will ever want to please is you.

i hope this is sufficient? i'm actually v sleepy rn lol but thank you for the idea!

#sub yandere #sub character #yandere oc #yandere x darling #yandere x reader #yandere imagines #yandere headcanons #yandere #yandere scenarios #tw yandere #gender neutral reader #gn reader #yandere boy next door #oc: lukas

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hellfire--cult · 5 months

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Eddie Munson x Fem!Reader

wc: 10.1k

HEAVY TRIGGER WARNINGS: +18, suicide attempt, reader is suicidal, PAS (Physician Assisted Suicide), neglectful parents, weed and alcohol, feelings of loneliness, hurt/comfort (?), fluff, kissing, some mentions of nausea, smut implication, angst. So much angst.

Plot: Eddie was new to the group, and he connected with you after an unfortunate event. You were excited to finally put an end to your suffering, of all those years of feeling nothing, and you had made a list of things to do before going.

a/n: I cannot stress this enough, please, do not read if this will be triggering for you. If you read PAST the warnings, it is your own responsibility, and I will not hold myself accountable for it.

This is somewhat inspired by the movie and book Me Before You. So yeah, have fun.

Always reblog your artists, likes don't do much.

Please, Trust Me

Eddie came into the group a little bit late, so to speak.

He was assigned to do a project alongside Steve Harrington in Psychology class. College was just something Eddie wanted to focus on studying since he had a reputation of repeating his senior year two times in a row, but Steve was friendly. Eddie, well, he didn’t realize how badly he needed social interaction until then.

So Steve introduced him to his group. Robin Buckley, Nancy Wheeler, Jonathan Byers, and you. Now, Eddie got to know everyone, except yourself. As Nancy put it, you were in many extracurricular classes, so your time was limited. Eddie, of course, understood, but he also felt you were scared of him somehow. You always averted your gaze from him in the little moments you spent together, so he gave up on trying to talk further with you.

Holidays were approaching, and Eddie had the opportunity that his uncle was leaving the nice house he finally got to purchase near lover’s lake in Hawkins, his hometown, so he thought it would be a great idea to invite everyone over… Well, not everyone.

Since he thought you were scared of him, he believed the invitation would be rejected, but everyone else agreed to come over to his place. It was just a two-hour drive, and he couldn’t wait to get drunk and high with everyone else.

Robin told him that you didn’t have time anyway to assist, seeing that you were going to visit your mother for Christmas, so Eddie’s guilt vanished completely. He felt horrible for not inviting you, that’s why he asked Robin to ask you about your plans for Christmas.

So off they went, having a great time by the lake, drinking beer, eating grilled burgers and sausages, and then on Christmas night, the fireworks went off, and everyone was already drunk by that time, messaging loved ones and wishing them great holidays.

The next day, you called Robin, wishing her a happy Christmas. Eddie was packing the suitcase to go back to Indianapolis, when he overheard Robin tell you that they were spending New years there too, completely surprising him. He expected to return on the 26th, but he was excited to spend more time with his friends. Once again, you told Robin that it was fine since you were still at your mom’s.

And so, new years went by. Now on the 2nd of January, they all finally returned completely drained from all the alcohol and food, but still with smiles on their faces. Robin then turned to Eddie with an innocent smile on her face as she sat on the passenger’s seat.

“Eds, can you drive me to Y/N’s place? I want to show her the rocks we picked up at the lake, and I will likely stay the night at her apartment.” She batted her eyelashes at him and he rolled his own eyes.

“Okay, let’s take you to the rich girl’s place.” You explained to the group that you weren’t good with a roommate, so you rented a place near the campus to live in until your studies finished. Eddie realized you weren’t a middle-class person just by knowing that, and he doesn’t know why you would choose a college like this one instead of Harvard or something like that, as rich people do in movies.

Robin met you thanks to you being signed up to tutor her in a particular class she was struggling with. She and you immediately clicked, despite you acting a bit shy and reserved at first, as if not trusting Robin at all, like a scared animal in the wild meeting another species.

Once they arrived at your apartment complex, Robin once more looked at Eddie with a pouty lip.

“And help me with my bag? My shoulders hurt from swimming all week…” And once more, Eddie rolled his eyes, sighing as the two of them got out of his van and he went to the back to get hold of her bag, swinging it over his shoulder.

“You can just say you are lazy as fuck Buckley.” She giggled at his response and they both walked into the reception, calling the elevator to go up to your floor. Once they were at your door, Robin knocked a few times, only to be met with no response. Her smile faded slightly and she tried again, and once more, met with silence.

“Maybe she didn’t return from her mom’s.” And she bent down to look under your mat, finding the spare key. You told her she was welcome at any time, to simply look under the mat for the key and make herself comfortable, knowing Robin likes some quiet away from the dorms now and then.

She opened the door–

“Hey, you–”

And she and Eddie immediately winced at the strong smell of unwashed dishes or something of the sort.

“Jesus Christ, what is that smell? Did she forget to wash the dishes before leaving?” Eddie replied, looking over at the kitchen counter, his eyes furrowing together as he looked at a particular tray that was filled with gingerbread men cookies. They were all with a bit of fungus, and one had been bitten, one of its arms missing.

Robin closed the door behind her as she looked around, finding that there were bottles of different alcoholic beverages on the sink, a cup of ramen noodles on the coffee table in front of the TV, half-eaten, and then she spotted the small Christmas tree in the corner of the room.

She remembers how excited you were, buying your tree, telling her that you never had the chance of decorating one before because it wasn’t truly celebrated in your household. Dread immediately invaded her as she remembered that, slowly walking towards it and Eddie following behind, dropping Robin’s bag to the floor.

Robin gasped as she kneeled to the floor, finding different presents under the tree, one for each person in the group, including Eddie. His heart plummeted to the floor as Robin showed him the small present, and you didn’t even know what he liked, yet you bought something for him.

Robin then turned while getting up, looking towards the door of your bedroom that was shut. She rushed towards it and she felt her heart starting to want to come out of her mouth as she swung it open as quickly as she could.

And there you were, in your bed, resting, and Robin felt herself breathe in relief, but Eddie didn’t. Not when he noticed the bottle of wine next to you, on your nightstand.

“Maybe she didn’t think she was gonna go to her mom’s and she forgot about the cookies.” Robin said as if almost trying to convince herself. Trying to make a reasonable explanation other than the most horrible one that she could think of because of course, she doubted it when you said you were visiting your mom.

Because you mentioned to her that you two weren’t close.

Eddie slowly walked towards you, not caring about the smell that lingered in your room, knowing that you probably hadn’t showered or cleaned the place in a while. He looked down on you, tilting his head. You had the blankets all over you while you rested on your belly, eyes completely closed.

He raised a hand towards your face, under your nose, and his breathing stopped. Your breaths were slow, not even deep, and you were drooling, all over your pillow. He grabbed onto the edge of the blanket and Robin moved to stop him, yet he yanked it off.

“Robin… call 911.”

But Robin was frozen as she looked at your frame, her lip starting to shake as she inspected your right hand. A hand that was holding something that looked empty. Something that she saw was half full the last time she came over.

That orange flask that contained your sedatives.

And you chugged them down with alcohol.

Steve was rubbing Robin’s back as she sobbed into her hands, hunched over the chair of the waiting room. Eddie was on her other side, his leg bouncing up and down as he bit his nails. One day he was laughing with everyone and now he is waiting for some good news regarding your health, someone he barely knows, yet he is worried shitless for.

Loud heels were heard across the hallway, a woman in her late 40’s, wearing designer clothes, looking rather stern as she got closer to the door of the room you are in. Her arms are crossed as she stands next to it, tapping her heel on the floor, catching the attention of the three people sitting on the chairs.

“Excuse me?” Robin’s weak voice called out and the lady snapped her head towards her with an eyebrow raised up.

“Yes?”

“Who are you?”

“I am this girl’s mother. Who are you?”

And the three friends froze in their seats. It was your mother. The person you supposedly spent the holidays with, yet, she didn’t look concerned for you, but rather she looked angry, or disappointed.

“We– We’re her friends.” Robin replied with a small voice, because could she even say that? Do you deserve someone like her as a friend? Even as a partner? Someone who forgets what you told them almost a year ago? The woman scoffed, shaking her head.

“Friends? That is surprising. Were you there when she did this?” Her voice was cold, and anger started filling inside of Eddie’s chest. Why is she acting this way when her child is inside that room, fighting for her life? A life she almost took herself?

“N-No, we found her like that…” Robin looked back down again and Eddie could only look at her wrecked face with pity, yet, he could not comfort her.

“I see. Did the doctor come out or something yet? I have somewhere to be, and I cannot waste my time on this. Not again.”

And the three sitting people shot up from their seats, all with alarmed looks on their faces.

“I’m sorry… again?” Robin asked, the answer scaring her yet she needed to know what it meant. She needed to know if she was an even more horrible person than she was ten seconds ago. Your mother scoffed, shaking her head again and Eddie’s hands turned into fists.

“It’s the third time. I already sent her to a psychiatrist, a mental hospital, and therapists, and yet she still tries. That girl has everything, and yet she always craves attention this way. I’m sick of it.”

And Robin wanted to puke, right then and there, while Steve looked at Eddie with tear-filled eyes and the metalhead could see how bad his friend felt. How evil he must feel. Steve gulped and looked back at your mother, clearing his throat to be able to talk.

“W-Why would she do this?” And your mother scoffed, looking for her phone in her purse as she talked.

“Just because I forgot about the holidays and her birthday. I already sent her a message apologizing and telling her she could ask for anything she wanted, but she went and did this.”

And Robin froze.

Birthday.

December 28th.

Your birthday.

And she couldn’t handle it anymore, yanking herself away from Steve to rush towards the toilet. Steve called out to her, rushing to her aid as tears rolled down his cheeks and Eddie was frozen in place.

Not only did you spend the holidays alone, but you also spent your birthday by yourself, while they were all having fun in Hawkins, shooting fireworks and drinking alcohol to their heart's content. And you were alone, with a bottle of wine and instant noodles.

He was about to talk to your mother, about to insult her, to drag her on the floor, but the opening of the door in front of him made him stop in his tracks as the doctor walked out with a board in his hand.

“Okay, so, we got her blood cleaned up. It’s good that you caught her at such an early stage. Her vital signs look stable now, but she will have to stay here for a few days, two tops, so we can monitor her a bit more.” Your mother cleared her throat and the doctor looked up at her with a tilt of his head.

“So, she’s okay.” And there was such coldness in your mother’s voice that Eddie felt his vile rising in his throat. The doctor only sighed, taking his glasses off.

“She is, but we cannot overlook a suicide attempt. Does she have anyone to talk to? Maybe I can give you brochures for–”

“I already sent her to an institution once, but it didn't work. That child is an attention seeker, pay it no mind.”

Eddie’s eyes were burning in anger at her words and the doctor looked as surprised and hurt as he did. He cannot bear to hear your mother’s words any longer, so little care, with lack of empathy and lack of love. He wondered how many things you endured with a woman like this in your life, and honestly, he was afraid of finding out.

“W-Well, since you’re the mother, maybe you should–”

“She is a grown woman now. She can make her own decisions as you can see. I shall not worry about her anymore.” And just like that, the heels echoed in the hallway once more and Eddie’s eyes were wide as he looked at her retreating figure. A mother leaving her child after they tried to end their life, like no care in the world, as if she hadn’t given them their life to begin with.

Three times? Three times she did this? Walking away from you? How could she call you an attention seeker? How could she even acknowledge something like that when you were screaming for help?

“Ahem.”

Eddie blinked as he looked towards the doctor who had a confused yet pained look on his face.

“She is awake if you want to see her. I assume you are a friend of hers?”

Is he? He is not a friend, but you cannot be alone, not here, not right now. Robin is probably trying to breathe while Steve is comforting her, but maybe… Eddie knows you probably don’t want to see them either. None of that group. So he gave the doctor a nod, and he slowly opened the door of the white room.

His eyes scanned it, and finally, they landed on you. Your arms were connected to an IV and a blood transfusion bag, the heart rate monitor beeping right next to you as your back rested against the pillows, letting you sit on the bed. You looked emotionless. Eyes empty. Hand on each side of your body and Eddie knew your mind, your feelings, were completely shut off.

He gulped with nerves and the door closed behind him, making him wince, but it alarmed you that someone came into the room, making you look up. Your eyes twitched in surprise, yet if you were, you didn’t express it, nor show it.

“I guess you’re the one that found me?” Your voice was empty, with no tone, as if it were a recording or an AI robot. Eddie slowly nodded as he took a few steps toward the chair that was on the other side of the bed.

“Robin and I found you.” You gave a slow nod, looking back down to your lap. He didn’t know what to say, he didn’t know anything about you but he feels like he should have. He cleared his throat to continue talking. “I, uh, liked the necklace you got me. Pretty metal.” He winced at his words because it was something he shouldn’t have brought up at all.

Your eyes raised to meet his, another nod going towards his way, diverting your eyes back to your lap. He looked around for a second, the nerves all over his body. He was almost trembling with the need to talk to you, but what can he say? What could be something you want to hear right now? And coming from him?

“Ask away.” He startled at your voice, jumping on his seat as he looked at you once more.

“What?”

“I know you want to ask. And maybe you can also help me by telling the rest about it and how I am not going to talk to them again.” You were still not looking at him and he cleared his throat as he felt his mouth going dry, but now he knew you weren’t going to talk to the others about this. The relationship is already broken inside of you.

“I– Okay, um… I guess the first question is, why?” He slowly asked, afraid of even being able to talk to you about this, but sometimes they say that a stranger is the best listener, and maybe Eddie was just that.

“Why… Only child, homeschooled all my life so no interaction whatsoever with the world, absent mother, holidays and birthdays by myself, father was never found. Need to say more?”

And shit, Eddie was not expecting that at all. You had been miserable from the very beginning, unwanted by your own mother, and now he realized how horrible you must have felt with the whole group. Your first ever friends and they forgot every single detail of you. How you never spent a holiday with people, and was so excited you even baked cookies to share and bought presents for a gift exchange, your first ever most likely, only to never happen.

And now, he realized that… His other friends do not deserve any kind of pity, or forgiveness.

“Okay, then… Why were you scared of me?” At his question, your eyebrow raised up, and turned your head to look at him.

“Is that what you thought?” You asked with complete confusion in her tone. He looked at you with his own frown, tilting his head.

“Well yeah, you avoided me like the plague…” And you looked up at the ceiling, closing your eyes, and shaking your head with a sigh.

“No. I don’t trust people easily as you can see.” You looked down at your lap once again and he wanted to sigh a little bit in relief at that, knowing that his clothes or his whole demeanor didn’t actually scare her. She was just shy and probably nervous.

“Right… Um, Robin and Steve are here as well, do you want me to–”

“No. I don’t want to see them.” And your words spoke for your pain, and Eddie was not going to argue against it. They honestly didn’t deserve your forgiveness or kindness, that much he knew, but he also felt guilty. Really guilty.

“I– I am sorry… I didn’t invite you because I really thought you hated me– and I took everyone away, I didn’t know any of this, I am so sorry if I knew–”

“You weren’t the one who forgot. You don’t know me, but they did.” He gave you a nod in understanding, yet the guilt is still lingering in his stomach. He cleared his throat and he wanted to ease the tension for you, to relieve the somber moment that filled the room.

“So uh, you knew I liked Metallica huh? Is it because of the hundreds of shirts that I own?” Your eyebrow raised at him and you turned to face him while he gave you a cheeky smile of his own. You squinted slightly at him, but a small tug on the corner of your lips gave you away.

“Well yeah, all the times I’ve seen you it was either Metallica or Black Sabbath. It had to be one of the two.”

“What if I only liked their logos, huh?” At that, you rolled your eyes at him, but he kept making jokes at you, and a giggle here and there could be heard in the room.

Robin and Steve were hearing the both of you outside your room. They looked at each other for a minute before hesitantly walking away. Robin turned her head at almost every step, wanting to barge into the room to hug you, to say she was sorry. But she knew it meant nothing, not anymore, and not ever again.

What she did, what they did, cannot be fixed.

Eddie was lounging with his headphones on as he listened to music while resting against a tree trunk. He was bobbing his head as he wrote some lyrics on the notebook he had over his leg. For the past three days, he hasn’t heard of you. He tried visiting you yesterday only to find out you were discharged and he felt too embarrassed to just go to your apartment.

He had also distanced himself from the group. It didn’t sit right to be with people who could easily forget about something so important like a birthday. You didn’t have any social media, so the least they could do is put the birthday in their own cell phones, like Eddie did as soon as he left the hospital.

It’s not like he didn’t talk to them, he just made excuses when they asked to hang out with him. He just couldn’t shake off the bad vibes from it all.

He looked up from his lap only for his eyes to bulge out of his skull as he saw you almost prancing in happiness while walking through campus. That’s a good sign, isn’t it? He immediately put his notebook into his backpack and pulled his headphones down, resting them around his neck. He got up, almost tripping as he did so, as he rushed towards you.

“Hey! Hey!” He yelled at you to catch your attention as he got closer. You turned to face him, still with a wide smile on your face.

“Hi, Eddie.” You were smiling, that’s good, that’s really good. He was almost breathing heavily from the run he just did. He wasn’t athletic and the smoking surely doesn’t do him any good.

“Yeah– I just– give me a minute.” He huffed as he tried taking a deep breath in, and you giggled motioning to him to sit on a bench near the both of you. You sat down as soon as he plopped down, taking another huff of air as he turned his head to look at you. “So, what got you all smiley?”

“Well, I just dropped out of college!” You announced with a smile and jazz hands, startling Eddie completely. His face was contorted in confusion and wonder.

“What? Why? You didn’t like what you were studying?” You shook your head as you looked at the horizon, not anything in particular.

“It’s just pointless now.”

“I don’t understand.”

“I’m going to California in three months.” Your head turned to look at him still with a smile on your face. “I’ve been offered P.A.S.”

He frowned, not knowing what those syllables meant at all. He tried putting them together in his head but nothing was coming up.

“What’s that?”

And Eddie didn’t know why you opened up to him with that. He didn’t know why he didn’t care that you did. He didn’t know why this relationship between the two of you evolved in this manner, as quickly as it did… but he never expected to hear the response you gave him.

“Physician Assisted Suicide.”

And now, Eddie knew that term, and his eyes bulged out of his skull. You were… offered that? How can that happen? You had no health issues to go through something like that, so why would you consider that? Why would the doctors even consider that for you? His heart was just hammering in his chest as dread invaded his gut.

“W-What? Why– how?” He was speechless, not really knowing what he was asking or what he wanted to know at this point. He felt his gut turning at the information like he couldn’t believe someone as young as yourself could even consider that way out.

“Well, it was due to all my medical records, be it psychological and physical. My mindset never changed.” Your gaze turned from him to nothingness once more. “I go, get help, only to get out and for everything to be the same. It never changes, because it was never me who had to change.”

Eddie slowly blinked at your wording and his eyes drifted to the sky as his thoughts raced through his mind. Can he even talk you out of this? How can he even do that? You seem happy, way too happy with this solution… You were excited.

“You’re not… scared?”

“No. Not at all. I am ready to go. My heart can barely handle it anymore.” And Eddie’s eyes turned towards the profile of your face. You had made your decision clear, and he wouldn’t be able to stop you now. No one can. The group was no longer part of your life, your mother didn’t care about your decision so it seems… and he is no one to stop you.

“Alright… You– um, what are you gonna do until… you know, then?” He asked and you smiled at him, grabbing your backpack to take out your notebook, and flipping a page to show him a list, which made him frown in confusion.

“These are things I never tried because the opportunity never presented itself. Before, I didn’t know–” You cut your voice short at what you were about to say, and then you continued. “Now that I know when it’s gonna happen, I don’t want to go with any regrets.”

Eddie looked at the list, and he couldn’t believe… how trivial some of these things were.

- Go to an amusement park

- Smoke a cigarette

- Buy a Barbie Dreamhouse

- Eat a cake for breakfast

- Get high

And then he saw more complicated ones.

- Go skydiving

- Learn to drive (or attempt)

- Try to skateboard

- Ride on a jet ski

- Attempt to make a rainbow cake

And so many more. You had filled an entire page with things you wanted to do and he looked up at you to see you looking up at the sky with a smile on your lips.

“I think I should get the Barbie Dreamhouse first. Oh, maybe get some alcohol, I never got fully drunk, but maybe tonight I can since I don’t have to wake up early anymore–” And you went on with your plans and Eddie was just staring at you as the thoughts ran through his brain.

Everyone else was walking all around the two of you, and nobody knew that you were going to die in three months. No one knew you had made an entire bucket list with things to do before going. No one knew about this decision of yours, and he wasn’t going to let you be alone in this. He doesn’t want you to live these last few weeks with no one at your side.

“You know, or I can make one of your wishes on the list come true.” Your head snapped towards him with a surprised look on your face.

“Oh, what?” And a smirk formed on Eddie’s lips.

“Getting high.”

“Did you prepare the pan?”

“Uh…”

“Eddie!”

He immediately rushed to grab onto the pan as he burst into giggles thanks to the weed in his system. The munchies came to life with you two after smoking a whole joint from Eddie’s stash. You had the open bag of pizza rolls in your hands, the oven already turned on as you waited for Eddie to put some oil spray on the pan.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I just– I was stuck looking at the wall.” He simply replied to you, making you burst into laughter, trying not to let the pizza rolls fall to the ground. He followed you with chuckles as he sprayed the pan and handed it to you so you could throw the pizza rolls on it and then begin cooking them in the oven.

You were relaxed, that much Eddie knew, and he was smiling as you tip-toed in a dance towards your couch, plopping down. He followed soon after, sitting next to you. You giggled as you stared at the ceiling.

“I feel like I’m on a cloud.” Eddie stared at your profile for a while before he began talking once more.

“I wanna help.”

“Hmm?” You turned to face him still with a dopey smile on your face.

“I want to help you complete some things on your list.”

And your smile fell as if becoming sober out of nowhere. Eddie then gulped but his resolution was already said and you moved uncomfortably in your place.

“You don’t have to pity me. I can do these–”

“No, you can’t. Learning to drive a car? How do you plan to do that?” At that, you opened and closed your mouth many times and then cleared your throat.

“An instructor!” Eddie rolled his eyes at that, and put his hand up, his fingers up.

“Getting drunk, you need supervision.” He put a finger down. “Going to a concert, you’re gonna get squashed.” He put another one down. “Playing Mortal Kombat, you need an enemy.” He put another and then you stopped him completely, shoving his hand down.

“Okay, okay, okay! I see your stupid point.” You sighed as you threw your head back against the headrest of the couch, looking at your ceiling. He knew you were overthinking it, but he honestly wanted to help you in any way he could.

“C’mon, there are a few things in your list I am dying to try too. Like– Eating Argentinian food. I never tried that shit, I bet it’s fucking delicious.” You giggled at his expression and then nodded at him.

“Okay, fine. You can help. You will also help me bake that stupid rainbow cake I always wanted to try.” He laughed at that with a shake of his head.

“Another thing I never did in my life was bake. It’s gonna be a journey. Do you have insurance here? We might burn it all down.” At that you punched his shoulder lightly, causing him to laugh it out followed by your giggle.

And what a journey it was gonna be.

“Seriously, YOU DIDN’T HAVE TO GET ME INTO THIS TOO!” Eddie almost screamed as he looked out the window of the helicopter with a frightened look on his face. Harnesses were all around his body, a man behind him strapping himself closer to Eddie’s back.

You were in front of him, holding your laughter as you held onto a handle on the side of the big machine that was now miles and miles above the ground. The helmets on both of your heads almost crushed your skulls but the protection was needed. Another man was strapping himself to you behind your back.

“Oh come on! You wanted to try new things!” You yelled at him so he could hear you over the loud sound of the helicopter.

“Yes! BUT NOT SKYDIVING! I WAS HAPPY TO WAIT FOR YOU WITH EARTH BENEATH MY FEET!” He yelled back and you were trying really hard to contain your laughter. Suddenly the big door next to the both of you slid open and the wind immediately pushed your body and Eddie’s back from the force but the guys remained still as they held onto the handles above the door.

“You guys ready!?” The one behind you asked and Eddie rolled his eyes behind the goggles.

“DO I HAVE A FUCKING CHOICE?”

“Nope.” The guy behind him said before jumping out with no warning, dragging Eddie with him, and then the guy strapped to you followed close behind. You were screaming your lungs out, and Eddie was shrieking. The adrenaline of falling was making him feel butterflies in his belly, almost making him feel sick.

He can hear you closer now and he raised his head to see you in front of him with your arms splayed out and reaching out for him. He could hear your laughter through your screaming and he reached out, fighting the strong wind, to finally lock his hands with yours as you two were freefalling towards the ground.

He couldn’t help but smile and cheer out from how extreme the whole situation was. He didn’t know how you weren’t hungover, you had gotten yourself as drunk as possible yesterday night while dancing to his music. He showed you how to headbang properly, and he took care of you when you started letting the contents out in the toilet.

He held your hands as tightly as possible, your fingers intertwined with his, as you both yelled with excitement and fear as you plummeted down and down. You only separated when the men behind your backs tapped on your sides so they could pull the parachute open.

Your bodies jerked as you started floating in the sky, and Eddie was left laughing as you both glided downwards towards the ground again. He could see the entire city and the fields as you both kept coming down. He turned his head to see you laughing as well, your head looking up at the sky in bliss and he felt his heart tug on him slightly.

Once you two touched earth again, Eddie let the air out of his lungs with relief and the guy behind him unstrapped himself so Eddie could catch a proper breath, taking the goggles and helmet off. You followed a few seconds later, walking towards him with a smile on your face and taking your goggles off.

“It wasn’t so bad, was it?” You were breathing heavily and he scoffed at you with a shake of his head, flicking his fingers on your forehead.

“I won’t let you drag me into something like this ever again.”

You laughed at him and you both walked back to Eddie’s van after you paid for the experience. You didn’t let Eddie pay at all, since you dragged him into it. He was going to invite you for dinner though, and you wanted McDonalds, so he was driving back towards town as you two talked in the van.

“So, you never told me about your parents.” You blurted out, catching him by surprise, but you were indeed right. He gripped his steering wheel a little tighter, but he kept a small smile on his face.

“Oh, where to begin? My mother died when I was young and my Father was… very abusive, and often dragged me into stealing with him. He got caught and he’s been in jail for a while now, he’s charged with robbery and homicide attempt.” He took a big gulp in as he kept driving, not used to letting people into his life in this way. “But, my uncle Wayne took me in at fifteen. He is the father figure my father failed to be.”

You were silent as you listened to him. He didn’t hear anything from you so he turned to face you, only to see you looking at him with tears running down your cheeks. He wondered what was going on in your head at that point. He was about to ask you what was wrong and you sniffled, wiping the tears away with the back of your hand.

“I’m– sorry, I shouldn’t have asked that.” You said regretfully and he instantly shook his head.

“No, no… don’t worry. I’m past it.” He was worried about what you were thinking about at the moment since you remained silent for a while.

“I’m a little jealous to be honest… You had someone that…” And he waited for you to continue, but when you didn’t, he pressed forward.

“Someone that what?”

“Wanted you.”

And his heart broke at that, immediately so, and he knew his eyes started burning from the incoming tears and he shook his head to keep focused on driving. You didn’t need him to cry, you didn’t need that.

But should he tell you what he thinks? Should he tell you what has been on his mind for the past month that he helped you tick things off your list?

“I–”

“Oh! Before I forget–” You looked through your purse, pulling out your phone as you started scrolling, and he frowned as he tried to look at what you were doing and then back at the road. You giggled and moved away so he couldn’t see. “No peeking!”

“Oh come on, you can’t just do that and not expect me to be anxious!” He laughed as he kept his gaze on the road and then he saw light in his peripheral vision and he looked quickly to see you were showing your phone to him. He switched from the road and to your phone but he couldn’t quite read it. “What’s that?”

“You know how one of the things was to go to a concert?” He nodded and you giggled, putting your phone down again. “I got us two tickets to go see Megadeth!”

His jaw could just fall from his skull at this point as he tried to focus on driving and not the shock from those news. Did you say Megadeth? Are you serious? Eddie has been dying to see them live but when he got into the virtual line they got sold out in just a few seconds.

“What?!” He yelled and you kicked your feet on your seat as you stared down at the phone. He was speechless, a smile spreading on his face, only for it to fall back down. “Wait, do you even LIKE Megadeth!?”

“Well, I haven’t heard much, BUT YOU LIKE THEM, and I assumed that we should go to a concert we both can enjoy. I doubt you want to go to a Taylor Swift concert.” You replied with a wiggle of your eyebrows only for him to scoff.

“Taylor Swift has some sick songs. But– Yes, I do prefer Megadeth sweetheart.” He smiled widely at you and then looked back at the road, cheering as he hit the steering wheel with excitement. “Fuck yeah!”

You were laughing on the passenger’s seat and Eddie was smiling all the while as realization started to dawn on him that… he may like something more than Megadeth’s music.

It was a special kind of tune.

“Seriously, how long are you gonna take darling, we had to go like yesterday!” Eddie yelled with a pissed-off tone as he paced in your living room.

“It’s my first time wearing something like this, it needs to be perfect!” He heard you yell from the bathroom and he sighed, but a smile was splayed on his lips. He was looking out the window as he waited for you in his Megadeth tank top with a black leather jacket on top. He heard the bathroom click open and he sighed in relief, turning around with a roll of his eyes.

“Finally–” And his breath was knocked out of his lungs. Your hair was messy, completely batted, wearing heavy black makeup on your eyes, strong lipstick on your lips, a black top with a black long-sleeved fishnet shirt on top, and then black leather pants below. You gave him a twirl and wiggled your eyebrows at him.

“So!? I had to look at a tutorial on YouTube to get this done, but I think I did pretty good–”

“You look beautiful.” And it was natural. It came out without doubt, without him thinking too much about it, and you were shocked, yet, he noticed how you diverted your gaze away from him, and he chuckled at how embarrassed you got from a compliment regarding your physique.

“I– uh, it isn’t weird?” You asked and Eddie knew you felt a little self-conscious of how different you looked. But you were indeed beautiful, this just enhanced it in ways he didn’t think could be possible and he felt his knees bending for you.

“It isn’t darling…”

There was a moment of silence between the two of you and Eddie could only stare at you as he walked closer to your frame. He saw how your shoulders went up and down a littler harder than before, signaling him that you were taking deeper breaths, maybe from nervousness, he didn’t know.

“Um–”

“Sweetheart…” You finally looked at him and he smiled, rolling his eyes. “Can we please go now!?”

And you giggled at him, the tension leaving the both of you as you made your way out to head to his van.

The ride to the stadium was filled with music, mostly Megadeth which you started listening to since you showed Eddie the tickets three weeks ago. Today signaled the second month of you two completing your bucket list.

One more month to go.

And the concert was filled with screams and laughter from your part, Eddie protecting you from the people pushing against you, but you didn’t care, experiencing your first concert ever, and you wanted to share it with him. This was your first and last concert, and you decided it was gonna be Megadeth, for his taste.

“That was AWESOME! My neck needs ice from all the headbanging though.” You sighed as you two got back into the van after almost three hours of jumping around. Your make up was smudged, your hair looked a little sweaty, and your lipstick had washed away from the sweat, yet, you looked as beautiful as you did hours ago. Even before the makeup. Maybe even more.

“Hey, you were great for your first metal concert.” You giggled at his words and gave him a nod.

“I am a natural.” You smiled at him and he just kept staring at you, licking his lips as he looked down and then moved his whole body in order to face you. The nerves were almost killing him as he tried to formulate the following words.

“I uh– I can help you cross another thing off your list.” You tilted your head in question and you pulled out your notebook from the bag you left in the van with your bucket list and then a green highlighter.

“What is it?” You smiled at him as you handed them to him and he scanned the whole list, looking for that one thing and when he spotted it, he felt his heart in his throat as he slowly showed it to you, pointing at the line.

Have the first kiss

You blinked once, twice, and then looked up at him with a confused frown in your eyebrows. He gulped loudly and he might have overstepped it, but he still waited for your response and he could see the incoming tears in your eyes as he felt his hands becoming sweaty.

“You– You don’t have to do that… I– You don’t have to do something you don’t want to–”

“I want to. I really want to.”

He could see that you were nervous, looking everywhere but his face. You didn’t reject him. You were worried that he didn’t want to do this and felt pressured because of your list, and that was far from the truth.

“I– How does this go?” And he wanted to smile at your innocence, but he felt sadness that you never experienced any kind of physical interaction in all your life. But he smiled anyway, in order to calm your nerves down. He raised his hand towards your cheek once you moved to face him in the passenger seat. Your breathing hitched at his touch, finally looking at him, directly into his brown eyes.

“Just close your eyes. You can tell me to stop whenever, I won’t pressure you, sweetness.”

And his voice was soft, and caring, his thumb smoothing your cheek in circles and when he saw you close your eyes, he took a deep breath in as he slowly leaned in. He could hear his heartbeat in his ears, the blood rushing to his head at a quick pace, but he had to focus. He knew his face was flushed, but he couldn’t help it.

He could smell your perfume still, despite all the jumping, all the sweat, it was still lingering on your body. He finally closed the gap between the two of you in a soft peck on the lips, staying there for two seconds before pulling away as a chill ran down his spine. He wanted to dive into it, take your lips completely, but he didn’t want to overstep. He opened his mouth to ask if you were okay, only to be surprised by your hands grasping his face, pulling him towards your mouth again.

He gasped into the kiss, and he took it as a sign that you wanted to know more, experience more, learn more. So he kissed back, his hand moving towards the back of your head in order to push you further into him as you two hovered over the console. He started to move his lips, slowly, and he felt you follow him, hesitant at first, maybe doubting what you were doing.

He was having a hard time focusing on not letting his instincts take over, a very horrible time. This was a bad idea. This was a terrible fucking idea and he knew it, but he couldn’t help it. He needed to be the one to give this to you, because if someone else did… he wouldn’t be able to bear it. He didn’t want anyone close to you, not like this.

He felt your hands moving to the back of his head, your fingers digging into his curls, and he held a groan in, trying to not let it show how carnal he was becoming. He was nervous but he wanted to see if you wanted to take it even further, so he poked his tongue out, licking your bottom lip tentatively.

He heard a gasp coming from you and he noticed that you didn’t get the idea of what he wanted to do, so he tried again, licking in between your bottom and top lip. You seemed to know what part comes next, so you slowly opened your mouth, and he met his tongue with yours, earning another gasp of surprise.

He wanted to know what thoughts were running in your mind right now as he kissed you. Did you feel the heat rising? Did you feel scared like he does? Did you feel happy? Confused? Nervous? What is going on in that head of yours?

He didn’t want to break it apart, he really didn’t, but it’s been minutes, and he didn’t want to overdo it at all, and he can’t hide his real feelings for much longer. He slowly pulled away from you, the smack of lips separating and vibrating all over the van. You two were breathing heavily as you stared into each other’s eyes.

“So? How was that for a first kiss?” He asked breathlessly and he could see something in your eyes that he couldn’t quite describe. It was a mixture of emotions, not one in particular, but he couldn’t pinpoint what it was. He was still holding onto your face, waiting on your response.

“It–” You opened your mouth to say something, only to shut it seconds after, and then a smirk appeared on your lips, pulling away from him to sit straight in the passenger seat. “I don’t know Munson, got nothing to compare it to.”

His mouth fell open, a laugh escaping his lips as he poked the side of your body, making a giggle escape your lips, flinching away from him as he kept poking you repeatedly.

Yeah… your laugh was better than any song out there.

Five days.

Five days and you were leaving.

And it’s not like you were going to come back. You weren’t going to in any shape or form.

Eddie was lounging on your couch as you put things in cardboard boxes. Things you wanted to donate since you weren’t going to need them any longer. He closed his eyes tightly, his heart aching and wanting to stop you, to yell at you that you didn’t have to do this, not anymore.

“Okay, I think I’m done for today. You sure you don’t want any of this?” You asked him and he felt as if a knife was stabbed into his throat. He wanted to cry like he had been doing alone at night whenever he went to bed. Sleepless nights were plagued by the thought of not seeing you anymore, of not being able to hug you, of not being able ever to cuddle you like he wanted.

“Yeah, pretty sure.” He didn’t want to sound bitter or angry, but he couldn’t hide it. You didn’t acknowledge it of course, so you shrugged, closing the box and standing up from the floor before heading to your room.

He stared at your open door, needing to hype himself up. If it’s not now, he won’t have the chance to do it again. He needs to kiss you once more, he needs to hold you close, he needs to show his feelings through actions.

So he stood up and slowly walked towards your room. You were cleaning up your closet, looking through your shirts. He watched you move through your room, and he looked over to your desk, seeing the almost completed bucket list. Some were just impossible to complete, like riding a kangaroo, but there was a particular one that he wanted to fulfill, and not because it was on the list.

If this was the only chance he could do it, he would take it. You noticed his presence when you turned around with a shirt on your hand and saw him looking at your notebook. You tilted your head to the side as his fingers trailed one particular line that was yet to be highlighted.

“Eds? What’s wrong?” Your voice held worry as you put the shirt back in the closet and Eddie turned his head up to look at you. He turned to close the door behind him, to face you again, taking a few steps forward to stand in front of you.

“I saw one more thing on the list… a thing I want too.” His voice was small, lacking confidence, filled with nerves, but he needed this. He needed you. He hoped he wasn’t getting this wrong, because ever since that kiss the two of you stole glances from one another, laughter as friends turned into flushed giggles.

“And what is that?” You asked with a frown on your eyebrows, in question. He wrapped an arm around your waist, flushing your body to his, his breath most likely hitting your face as he felt your shoulders move even quicker than before, signaling him you were taking fast breaths.

“Do you trust me on this?” You stared up into his eyes for a full five seconds before slowly nodding at him. He lifted his other hand to cup your face in his palm, and he leaned down to take your lips with his.

Electricity ran through his body, and he wanted to smile, he wanted to cry, he wanted to yell, he wanted to rip and break the walls, he needed to destroy something, he needed to hug someone, he needed comfort but he also needed the rage.

Your arms wrapped around his shoulders, holding onto him as your lips moved together, soon tongues intertwining as the seconds passed, and your breathing turned jagged as you pulled away for some air. Eddie leaned down to kiss your jaw, startling you, to then move downwards towards your neck, planting soft kisses onto your skin.

A gasp escaped your lips at the sudden sensation, new, raw, and Eddie felt you shiver under his touch, but instead, you were gripping his shoulders in order to pull him closer as the hand that was on your waist started sneaking under the hem of your shirt so he could touch your skin.

“Eddie…” It was a partial moan, but he took it as a green light, moving you towards the bed so he could lay you down but before he crawled on top of you he took the chance to take his jacket off, throwing it across the room, not caring where it landed.

If this was going to be the only time to have you like this, he would make sure to make you feel like the most adored person in the world. He will make sure of it. Even as your moans filled the room, he couldn’t help but want to record them, knowing he won’t ever hear them again.

And that line was highlighted in green when you both woke up the next morning.

Make love

He didn’t want to look at you.

He couldn’t.

The sun was shining through your curtains as you walked around the apartment with the small carry-on waiting for you at the front door. The past few days the two of you dipped into the sheets, all day, cooking when necessary only to return to bed.

He really wanted to cry and yell, and he almost left in the middle of the night in order to not see this day. In order to just run away from the fact this was your last hour with him, and you had asked him to take you to the airport. He can ditch you, tell you he wasn’t going to do it, that you could get a cab.

But he couldn’t do it. His heart was ripping out of his chest at every step you took in your apartment, the seconds ticking closer and closer to the departure of your plane. A plane with no return at all. A one way ticket.

He looked around your apartment, and boxes of stuff that you wanted to donate surrounded him, as well as bags of your clothes. You told Eddie that he was the only one in your will. That fact broke him to the core, knowing that you were leaving everything to him, but the only thing he wanted was you, and you were going to leave him.

He didn’t want your pans, your apartment, your cutlery, your game consoles, or TVs. He wanted you, and only you. He didn’t notice that his tears were falling down his face as the lump in his throat became bigger and harder to swallow at every gulp he tried to take.

“Okay, I think I’m–” You stopped on your tracks when you saw his profile, noticing the tears, your eyes widening as you approached him, your hands cupping his cheeks for him to look at you. “What’s wrong?”

“You’re leaving me.” He wasn’t going to hold back his feelings anymore. He showed you through his actions, but he never said them out loud, and the least he can do is let you know this.

“What–”

“I love you.” Your eyes widened and your mouth hung open at his confession, but Eddie didn’t stop talking. “You’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met, and fuck, you need to know how much I fucking want you.”

You were stunned into the ground and that’s when Eddie turned to look at you, only to see tears running down your face as you covered your mouth, taking steps away from him.

“You– You can’t say that to me, not now. Please– Please– not now.” You were choking into your sobs as he stood in front of you, coughing to be able to speak.

“I– I want you to stay… Please, don’t take that flight… I beg of you, please, stay with me…” His lip was trembling as he felt nausea fill his stomach, taking a few steps towards you as the crying finally was heard through the apartment.

“I– I don’t need your pity! I– I am happy I am doing this! You’re lying in order for me to stay, and I’m not going to buy it!” You yelled through your sobs, and Eddie felt his chest ripping open at your thoughts.

“I am not lying! I am in love with you! Why can’t you believe that!?” He was screaming now, trying to get his point across but you also didn’t back down, yelling back to him with the same confusion, with the same anger, with the same sadness.

“Because how can I trust that!? How can I trust you!?” And Eddie grabbed you onto your shoulders, squeezing you tightly in order for you to look at him and not run away. His eyes were on fire as he gazed at you through his tears.

“Trust me just like you trusted me to hold your hair back when you got too drunk and you were in the toilet! Trust me just like you trusted me to teach you how to drive! Trust me just like you trusted me to protect you in your first night club outing! Trust me just like you trusted me when I made love to you!”

And the screaming ceased, eyes locked into one another’s, tears still streaming down, never stopping, heavy breathing trembling against every wall. You were shaking under his touch, your lips trembling as your hands shook on your sides while he still gripped onto your shoulders. You opened your mouth to talk once more, your voice small, broken.

“You… One day you will get tired of me, but you will feel bad for leaving me, so you won’t… I can’t– I can’t chain you like that–” Your voice was breaking his heart, even more than before, and he shook his hair desperately as he let go of your shoulders so he could grab your hands and hold them with his, getting closer to you.

“No, no… I won’t ever get tired of you… Not you, not in a million years…”

“Eds…”

“Please… Please don’t go… Please, trust me.”

You sobbed a gulp of air and you raised in order to give him a soft kiss on the lips. His breathing hitched at it, but kissed you back, dread filling his core, every vein, every blood cell instantly freezing at what the future will hold, of what this kiss meant. You pulled away with a small smile on your face. Small, authentic, yet sad.

“I love you, Eddie… I’m sorry…”

And your flight took off that day.

“Mr. Munson…”

“Mr. Munson!”

Eddie jolted in his seat as he put his wallet down to look up at his group of students. Gregory was raising his hand and Eddie pointed at him so he knew he was acknowledged.

“Sorry, I got lost in my thoughts. What’s wrong Mr. Gill?” He asked and his student asked something about the textbook they were all reading. His college students. He began explaining the paragraph that seemed like a puzzle to students from the book “Down the Rabbit Hole”.

He graduated in Psychology three years ago. He was offered a job as a professor in the same college he graduated from, and he was more than happy to pass his knowledge to other students to help them understand how the brain works, and the many branches that can come out of it after every single situation in life. Traumatic or not.

Once his students went back to reading, he grabbed onto his wallet again, looking inside to see a picture of you and him, completing one of your bucket list’s objectives.

Go to an amusement park and get pictures taken in a photo booth.

He chuckled as he remembered that outing, how you had screamed at your first ride on a roller coaster.

He became friends with Steve once again but was still not fond of the rest of the group. The only reason he got close to Steve again was because he was also a teacher in the same college. He was a professor in physical trauma, so, in their breaks, they would smoke together as they walked through campus.

The bell rang and it was time for him to finally head home after a long day of having four classes in the day. He grabbed his suitcase, hoping no student would stop him on his way out and gladly it never happened. His hair is still the same length, but he is always using a ponytail or a bun on his head.

He has heard rumors that people always gossip about him, asking if he was single, or what was his life like outside college. He shrugged the comments away as they weren’t important at all. He just came to work and that’s it.

He got into his car, a black jeep he saved a year for in order to buy it. He missed the van, but he had to upgrade it once and for all. His van was a little old so replacement parts were a bitch to get. He turned on his car and then started his drive back to his home, a two-story house. It wasn’t big or luxurious, but it was his home.

He sighed in relief as he opened the door, throwing his suitcase on the couch after slamming the door closed. He cracked his neck a few times before taking his blazer off and then his tie, unbuttoning the first two buttons of his shirt and opening the cuffs at the end of the sleeves. He groaned with satisfaction as he sniffed the air.

He smiled as he walked towards his kitchen, leaning against the doorway, his arms crossed over his chest, his teeth showing into a massive grin.

“Hi baby.” You smiled widely at him as you took the pan out of the oven, filled with cookies that were freshly baked. He walked towards you, his hand stretching out in order to grab a cookie, only for it to get slapped away by you. “They’re hot!”

“I am strong, I can handle a little bit of burning.” He grinned down at you, leaning down to give you a soft kiss on the lips in greeting. “Were my princesses hungry for cookies?”

“Are you talking to me or…” He chuckled at the pout on your face and he bent down to kiss the big bump on your belly, standing up straight later on, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you close to him.

“Those two are my princesses, you, my love, are my queen.” You rolled your eyes at his antics but you giggled either way. He gave you a smooch on the cheek, making you laugh, trying to push him away. He spotted something on the kitchen counter, pulling away from kissing you and getting the item in his hand.

“Oh! Yeah, Chrissy gifted that! She said–” Eddie laughed as he looked at you and then putting the two pink pacifiers that you can put flavored ice in so they can chew and help with the heat.

“Another gift!? Damn, she really wants to be the godmother of one of our princesses huh.” You pushed onto his shoulder with a pout on your bottom lip.

“Hey, she is going to be the best aunt.” Eddie nodded at that and he really wasn’t angry at Chrissy. You met her after you moved out of your apartment to go to Eddie’s. She was moving in at the same time you were, and you two helped each other in bringing the boxes in.

Yes, your flight took off that day… Without you in it.

You stayed with him, wrapped in his arms as you cried, not being able to stop as your feelings confused you, scared you, your mind a jumbled mess but Eddie held you through it. Eddie wasn’t going to let you go, never, and he promised it, over and over again into your ear, hoping it stuck to your brain.

“Oh no baby, I don’t doubt that.” He smiled at you as you started taking the cookies off the tray, taking care of your hands so that you don’t burn yourself. Eddie just stared at you with adoration in his eyes, as if you held the entire world in your hand, and you did. You are his world. You are everything.

You turned to look at him, raising an eyebrow in question, wondering if he was scheming something that you didn’t know about.

“Now, what is going on in that mind of yours Munson?” He found it ironic that you can easily ask that question to him when he wanted to ask that to you many times before. He smiled at you, wrapping his arms around your waist from behind, his hands resting below your bump, holding onto it as he felt his two daughters moving inside of you.

“I just love you Mrs. Munson…” You turned your head to give him a soft kiss on the cheek, before focusing once again on the cookies.

“And I love you.”

After a moment of silence, he pressed a soft kiss on the side of your neck, surprising you, yet a giggle escaped your throat.

“Thank you.” That confused you, turning your head to look at him and he was already smiling fondly at you.

“For what?”

“For trusting me.”

The end.

a/n: this story explores the idea of death, the idea of being ready to receive it with open arms, with a rational head. But it also explores the fact that things get better if you meet the right people. It might not be now, it might not be tomorrow. It might take years for you to do so, and people in your life will come and go.

But there will always be that one person. And that is all you will ever need.

Taglist of people I mentioned this to: @littlesubbyflower @munson-blurbs @andvys

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nerdyqueerandjewish · 3 months

Text

7 Types of Rest

I've been reading a bit about this and jotting down some notes because the framework is helpful for communicating my different kinds of exhausted and gives me ideas on how to help myself more, and idk I thought I would share because I think other people might find it useful or interesting. I don't have just one article on it to recommend because unfortunately they are almost all trying to sell you their telehealth services or a meditation app or whatever.

**Disclaimer that resting isn't going to fix everything, examples of things to do aren't going to be accessible to everyone, they are just meant to be a start to brain storming, this is not medical advice etc...**

Physical - Relates to activities that are physically restorative

Mental - Relates to taking a break from mental stimulation

Spiritual - Relates to the fundamental need for belonging, purpose and acceptance

Emotional - Relates to being able to experience and express your real and authentic feelings

Sensory - Relates to giving your senses a break from stimulation

Social - Relates to feeling energized by spending time with people who contribute to your life in positive, supportive, and meaningful ways

Creative - Relates to appreciating beauty or feeling awe/wonder

Notes I made for "signs you need x type of rest" and actually getting that type of rest are under the cut. Again, they are personal so take them with a grain of salt. Also some of my notes on things I could do would definitely apply to others. I didn't want to keep writing "go outside" and "journal" for over half of them lol.

Physical Rest

Signs you may need physical rest

Feeling fatigued, body aches and pains

Feeling mentally sluggish or foggy

Getting some relief

Prioritize getting good quality sleep

Go on walks or engage in other gentle physical activity

Stretch throughout the day

Getting a massage (maybe trade with a friend or partner?)

Improve the ergonomics of your workspace

Mental Rest

Signs you may need mental rest

Unable to concentrate or recall simple things

Unable to relax

Racing thoughts

Getting some relief

Schedule breaks throughout the day

Write things down (can help racing thoughts or things you're worried about forgetting)

Do a satisfying activity that doesn't require much thought (example: coloring pages, simple craft)

Spiritual Rest

Signs you may need spiritual rest

Feeling lack of purpose or belonging

Getting some relief

Get involved in local community

volunteer

pray or meditate

Emotional Rest

Signs you may need emotional rest

Feeling weighed down

Stifling/suppressing feelings

Strong need to please others

Getting some relief

Talk to someone who allows you to be your authentic self

Participating in a peer support group

Journaling

Sensory Rest

Signs you may need sensory rest

Feeling energized at the start of the day, but becoming more irritable as the day progresses

Getting distracted by noises other people seem to be able to tune out

Getting some relief

Use dimmable lighting or lamps

Regularly set notifications to do not disturb

Use power strips to easily turn off multiple appliances at once

Avoid running loud appliances during busy parts of the day (ex. if washing machine is loud, don't run it while you're trying to pack and get out the door on time)

Social Rest

Signs you may need social rest

Feeling drained, exhausted

Feeling like your only interactions are with people who want/need something from you

Getting some relief

Nurture life-affirming, meaningful relationships

Make time for socializing with friends who don't "need" anything from you, where you can just enjoy each other's company

If you know you will be interacting with someone you find draining, make a plan to engage in social rest after

Creative Rest

Signs you may need creative rest

Feeling "blah"

Struggling with problem solving or brainstorming

Getting some relief

Go out in nature

Spend time in inviting spaces

Listen to music

Watch a skilled performer

Display items you find visually appealing in both home and work spaces

#long post #I would like to share more of my notes on things but idk what a tag for that would be #rest

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jinnie-ret · 7 months

Note

Hi! I was just wondering, could you write a oneshot of reader feeling really tired/kinda depressed, like too tired to get up of the bed to get a drink, too tired to even talk and skz just helping them through it and taking care of them? It could be 9th member or just the groupd friend. It's ok if you don't want to or don't feel comfortable with it. Thank you! Lots of love!

slump

stray kids x best friend!reader

genre: angst, fluff

content warnings: mental exhaustion

word count: 1.3k

summary: your best friends notice you've been acting different recently, and help you through your mental rut.

Thank you so much for requesting! I hope you enjoy this one. And if anyone is ever feeling this way, you can always message me, or reach out for help :)

Asks are shut, but if you want to be added to my taglist, let me know! And reblog and like if you enjoyed! <3

MAIN MASTERLIST

Knock. Knock. Knock.

"Love, can you open the door?" Changbin's soft voice called out quietly, yet you made no effort to move. You knew he could just as easily open your door and walk in, but he was waiting to see if you had the energy to do it yourself.

"I'll take that as a no," and he walked away from the door, probably back into the kitchen to inform the boys that their latest attempt didn't work.

It wasn't that you didn't want to see them. It was more that your social battery was drained. Not even a good night's sleep was helping you gain energy because, well, although you weren't having sleepless nights, there was still a lot of things weighing on your mind that was stopping you from wanting to do anything.

Buzz.

Oh. They were spamming the group chat again.

kangaroo🖤: remember to have something to eat!

bokkie🐲: pls eat smthn sweaty 💞

prince🖌️: lixie you did not jst call her sweaty that isn't gnna help 😭

mongmong🎤: ignore them sweetie just pls eat smthn if you have the energy yh?

cheese toastie🦊: our minnie is so sweet

quokka boy🥊: careful or he will chnge his mind 👀

kitty boy😼: i'm cooking u dinner rn

dwaekki💪: pls come out and see us love :(

And so the guilt set in once more. You could tell they were doing their best but for the past couple of days you didn't want to do anything at all. And whilst they had asked you, you shut them down every time and waved them off.

The next day, you were due to go into work, something your best friends were well aware of as they had checked your shared calender to see if there was anything upcoming that was overwhelming you.

When you rang into work to call in for a sick day, that was the first time the boys heard your voice in like 48 hours. Croaky. Dry. Exhausted.

Which is what prompted your next visit.

"Hey, Y/Nnie, I've brought you some water. You don't have to talk to us if you don't want to... but, yeah," Felix brought in a bottle filled with ice water and you could tell he didn't know what exactly to do in the situation without you responding to him.

You couldn't help but feel the gratitude within you after he awkwardly smiled at you, and so, you spoke up from your nest in bed.

"Thank you, Lixie."

Within a flash he turned around and grinned warmly at you, excited at just this simple interaction, because him and the boys had been worried sick the past few days. They knew everyone had their moments, but they had never seen you like this before.

After he left, you sipped at your water and continued to mindlessly scroll through your social media feed on your phone. There was still a numbness there. You recognised videos that would normally make you laugh yet no emotion filled you.

And that's what made you feel weirder.

You thought about other times people went into some sort of slump and they'd normally be sad, upset for some reason. But no, not you.

You felt emotionless. The loneliness wasn't what sucked you in yet it was like a part of your brain felt like it had shut off. And that lasted for the next few hours until the members caught you out of bed looking for something in the cupboard to eat.

"Oh, Y/N!" Han jumped back with a hand on his heart, yet you carried on in your sluggish efforts to make something to eat.

"You're out of bed?" Jeongin was shocked until he winced from the small slap on the back of his head from Changbin.

"Don't eat that, it's not good for you, here, heat this up," Lee Know took away the instant noodles from your grasp and instead pulled out a container with a portion of dinner he had made last night. He seemed to be taking control yet he wanted to see you do something for yourself. He hoped it was motivating and that the simplest thing of heating up your own food would lead you towards an upward trajectory of going back to your usual self.

You slowly padded across the kitchen to the microwave and shoved the food in, a gentle hand tapping you on the shoulder as you shut the machine's door.

"Let's talk, Y/N," Chan guided you to the sofa in the lounge connected to the kitchen, the rest of your friends following through. There was no choice in the matter, yet the eldest remained calm which reassured you slightly.

"We've been worried about you," Hyunjin spoke for everyone when he said that.

"Sorry," you whisper, picking at the threads of your baggy jumper sleeve.

"No, don't apologise. We just want to know what's going on in that head of yours," Seungmin leans forward as he speaks quietly.

You simply shrug.

"Y/Nnie?" Chan further prompted.

"I don't know," you shrugged again, not even knowing how to explain what was going on.

"You don't know?" Felix looked around at the other members, confused.

Just then, the microwave dinged, and you stood up to go and get your food, but Lee Know's hands on your shoulders stopped you.

"Don't worry about that now. Just talk to us, anything," his thumbs rubbed soothing circles before he moved away.

"I-I don't know what you want me to say," you brought your legs up to your chest.

"We know you had work today," Changbin mentioned.

"It's ok, I called in sick," you mumbled, avoiding eye contact.

"Do you have a temperature?" Han frowned, feeling your forehead but that answered his question.

"I just didn't feel like it... but not in like a lazy way but I just couldn't... mentally do it?" your answer came out as a rushed question, not even sure yourself but it made sense to the rest of the boys.

"Ah, sweetie, you should have said," Hyunjin pouted, feeling bad that you were struggling.

"Not that easy though, is it?" you looked up and saw Chan crouched down in front of you.

"It's not, we know that, but we want you to always know that you've got us to fall back on, no matter what, ok?" he grabbed your hands as he said this, squeezing them so that you knew he was physically there.

"Y/Nnie... you know you don't have to always have energy, right? It's ok to have your down days," Han said seriously, which even caused Chan to look at him surprisingly as he moved away from in front of you.

"I feel like..." you began, but trailed off shaking your head.

"Tell us, talk to us love," Changbin insisted.

"I feel like I have to keep telling myself I can do it, but I know I'm lying to myself, I guess?" you sighed, leaning further back into the sofa.

"You can do it, we all know you can," Jeongin encouraged you sweetly.

"But if you can't right now, that's also fine," Seungmin added on.

And there was no need for you to verbally respond, because these safety oozing from them was wrapping you in a nice comfy blanket.

Oh, and Felix was also wrapping you in a blanket, that could have been why you felt the sudden warmth.

"Right, now you can eat," Lee Know nodded, satisfied with how the conversation had played out.

"Me too, hyung!" Han and Hyunjin both dashed after Lee Know, begging him for food too, and with that you smiled.

"There you are," Changbin titled your head up as you smiled, his face mirroring yours.

"If all it took was for Han and Hyunjin to be whiny and complain, we could have had this conversation a lot sooner," Seungmin rolled his eyes fondly, thinking of the two 00 liners who were bickering earlier that day.

"Don't ruin the moment Seungmin," Chan tutted jokingly.

But it didn't ruin the moment. Seeing them act normally around you again after they had cleared up what was going on made you feel better.

You felt, once again.

tagged: @skz-streamer @kiraisastay @hannahhbahng @backintomykpopphaseagain @sakufilms @hanjiquokkaaa @arloo00 @dunno-wut-to-do @splat00z

#skz #skz x reader #stray kids x reader #stray kids #skz fluff #skz angst #straykids imagines #stray kids fluff #stray kids imagines #skz fic

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chemicalpink · 2 years

Text

Oxytocin | Jeon Jungkook (M)

❂ The Secret Garden

⁂ Hosted by Professor Dia through @bangtansorciere

⤐ AU Type/Trope: Summer Nights Dream - Arranged Marriage AU

⤐ Theme: Mutual Pining + Age Gap

⤐ Kink: begging, exhibitionism, clit spanking, blindfolding, delayed orgasm, overstimulation, light bondage, cum play, impreg.

Pairing: Jeon Jungkook x reader

Genre: smut | fluff | humour | frenemies au | nepo babies au

Word Count: 5.8k

Warnings/Tags: infidelity, grey-ish morals, horny but vanilla-sih, squirting, oral (f. receiving), slight degradation talk, 10 year gap (JK is in mid 30s), lowkey Yoonmin are a thing, lots of bickering, idiots in love tbh.

Rating: 18+

Summary: You don't ever seem to be able to stray too far away from each other. There's no way to backtrack once it's been set in motion, as long as you're both still breathing, you don't even think of leaving. What would people say if they were to listen through the walls?

A/N: Happy JK day I guess. This piece is- something else. Hope you enjoy! See you in a few days with another fic!

Jungkook has proven to be a heavy sleeper, if the way you are able to roam around his whole penthouse was any indicator of that.

There’s barely any light outside the window as you collect your discarded clothing from around his bedroom’s floor, making quick work of getting it on you before looking at yourself in the mirror, deeming yourself presentable enough to catch a ride home. It wasn’t as much of a secret as everyone else would have thought it would be. Both of you got yourselves a privilege like that.

It wasn’t even planned as much as you had regularly wanted your hookups to be– something that had been deeply rooted for by your publicist, something along the lines of keeping the family image. Letting loose wasn’t exactly something people like you get the opportunity to do without risking more than there is to win out of those types of situations, so you refrained from it. But Jeon Jungkook was similar to you in that way, although a few years older than yourself– almost ten, as he is in his mid thirties, he too, had grown up in such an elite family, drowned by rules and responsibilities that limited the way he interacted with those around him. The ability to ruin his reputation with a hookup was as much yours as it was his, something akin to keeping a knife at each other’s throats waiting for a misstep to happen.

It was supposed to be a fun and harmless night out, a bunch of your college friends and yourself going out for drinks and dancing to celebrate all of you getting into your desired Masters’ programmes– you suppose they really had something other than money and power to celebrate for their achievements.

“You don’t look too happy for someone who managed to get into one of the most exclusive business administration internship programmes” Yoongi casually comments as he reclines himself in his seat, throwing whatever was left of his whiskey back. He had always been like that, quietly manoeuvring his way through, loud about his distaste for the system– you couldn’t help but always have a bit of a wall up around him. He smirks a knowing smile at your hesitation, one that you are never sure if it’s mocking you or himself “You don’t have to be so terrified of me you know? I won’t unnecessarily call you a rich asshole, Y/N. We are friends are we not?”

You groan at his remark, feeling like perhaps just for today you could leave all care down the drain, allow yourself that much. Yoongi would never be the type to hurt you after all those years– not with everything you had witnessed him put himself through in your college years, yet the what ifs can’t seem to leave your mind. You take a gulp out of your drink, feeling the alcohol burn your throat “Look at them! They actually have something to celebrate! My dad just made a few calls and now I get to shadow Jeon Jungkook in his company duties for my dissertation. I wouldn’t exactly call that hard work, would you?”

“So perhaps all of us worked harder to get where you are, but whatever work you actually put into it, is all yours, YN” you feel a whine ripped from your throat at that “Y/N, you know, the only reason I’m your friend, over the bunch of other rich kids at our school is because you are actually aware of the privilege you’ve got, and that speaks volumes about you deserving such an opportunity. I can’t even get mad at you for getting it instead of me”

You feel your cheeks get redder at the thought of him trying to get into your programme only to be disposed of it because of a call your dad made. “God- I’ll quit and give to you Yoongi just-”

He dismissed you with his hand “I’ll be around, I got into Kim Namjoon’s programme, couldn’t ask for a better option, have you seen the man?”

You can’t help but laugh “I don’t know what Jimin would have to say about that”

“He would agree with me, now go ahead and leave me be, go dance a well deserved dance with your friends, Y/N”

And you had really intended to do just that at first, at least for the whole thirty seconds walking up to the stage until your eyes caught a much too familiar frame– speak of the devil, Jeon Jungkook. He wasn’t that much of a party-goer, whatever lame excuse you had already heard tumbling from his lips at one of those high end business dinners your dad is constantly dragging you to– some mix of interests and being already too old for it, all while the rest of men lounging out and about laughed politely, greying hairs on their heads as they encourage him to still be young and enjoy life.

“Didn’t think I would see you on such a low budget scene, are Jeon enterprises doing well?” you stand behind the much taller man, drink in hand and you can almost see the roll of his eyes before he even so much as turns around– your interest in the man is no secret to anyone, not even himself as he constantly declines your offers, claiming the ten year gap to be quite a deterrent, having only stopped once his engagement to a foreign heiress closer to his age was made public.

“Miss Y/N, I’ll have you know the business is as prosperous as it could be” he’s holding a drink of his own as he signals for you to follow him to the secluded area he had most likely arrange for himself just down the bar, being quick to take a seat right after you did “If anything, it is you I would be surprised to see here”

You try to shrug it off, not really the one to bring up your rather costly upbringings into what you deem your daily life “I’m a college student after all”

“I heard you got into your desired Masters programme, congratulations on that” there’s something else sparkling in his eyes– a way in. Whether he would blame it on the alcohol later on, let you down slowly for the uptenth time, whatever glimmer in his eyes show up as he sips his whiskey, tailored suit begging to be ripped apart, was nothing but a chance you refuse to let go.

You move yourself closer to where he’s sitting, purposely touching his thighs, rock hard under your touch as you feel him twitch, gaze stoic as usual, one of his large hands finding rest on the small of your back as you lean into him “I’m thinking your place, before any of us put much thought into it”

The man is quick to set up something right there and then from his phone, quickly getting the both of you to your feet, guiding you outside and into an awaiting Mercedes which is pulled up to an all too familiar curb. The walk inside is distinctly Jungkook. Quiet and appeased before the door is slammed closed, hands all over your body, trying to rid the both of you of your clothes.

The tips of his fingers rest on the back of your dress “Can I?”

“Why do you alway gotta be so poised, huh?” you take over his hands, ripping the fabric, exposing your naked body to him before you’re pushing him into the couch, gesturing for him to do the same “We’re going behind your fiancee Jungkook, treat me like the slut I have every right to be treated like''

His lips find yours in the lewdest way possible as you straddle his lap, already glistening folds undoubtedly staining his underwear as you rock yourself against him in need for any type of friction as he grows harder by the second, one of his hands coming to your hips to halt the movement “What is it that you want from me, Y/N”

“Anything” you lean yourself towards him, lips brushing his as your breath fans his mouth and you’re almost sure he could miss the words that tumble from your lips “Everything”

“God Y/N you can’t just go and try to collect all of father’s friends like this, what would your parents say huh?” his hand on your hip has started to redirect your moves against him as he has freed the tip of his cock just enough to let it graze against your folds– barely teasing “I’m ten fucking years older than you are– I am about to be your motherfucking teacher for godsake”

“Oh-Oh god I’ll have you anyway Jungkook, don’t you- ah, don’t you get that?”

One of your hands comes down to rid him of his underwear, you wouldn’t even need to pump him hard as you position your cunt against his cock, letting barely the tip slip inside, both your hands resting atop of his biceps, feeling his heart thumping against your palms– a dream come true. “Even if it means me getting married and having to fuck you at the weirdest times? Huh? After having told Areum I would stay at the office working late? Wouldn’t you just love for me to fuck you while I blatantly lie to my wife?”

“Ah- fuck Jungkook, yeah” you close your eyes in delight at the way that your hips meet his in an unpracticed movement, letting your mind run wild at the way he seems to really have thought all of through “We could- we could always have the new years’ gala for ourselves, business trips, whatever, just fucking- treat me like the whore I’m meant to be– your whore”

“What if an article goes out huh? Your father would ruin me”

His pace picks up and you’re almost left out of breath as you struggle to find the words of whatever thought you try to voice “It’s not like I couldn’t buy off every reporter that could ruin me-us”

“What if Areum were to find us?” You feel him shudder, cock twitching inside you as soon as the words leave his mouth– can’t help but wonder if the thought itself is enough to have him let go inside you.

You open your eyes to look straight back at him, your walls clenching around him at the same time as you feel him starting to paint your walls white, a smile drawn on your face. Checkmate “Oh but isn’t that the best part?”

Monday morning doesn’t seem to come quick enough as classes start once again, not even the breezy morning can seem to scratch the smirk off of your face as you watch Jungkook walk into the lecture building, fitted pants hugging his thighs deliciously, black dress shirt nicely tucked in, hair styled back gently ruffled by the wind– has you wondering just how much greater he would look all fucked out like he did just a few days prior. You can’t help but wonder now that things have settled down and he’s about to be your main tutor– would he fuck you in his office? Leave the door the tadest bit open so anyone could hear, hands all over your body, grading papers long forgotten.

It’s Jimin’s voice the one that takes you back to reality, incredulously sipping his morning tea “I still can’t believe you ate that”

“Oh I didn’t do the eating, that’s for sure”

“TMI Y/N!”

Jungkook’s Master programme basically consisted of a general lecture– which you are grateful to attend next to Yoongi, along with the evening set apart for the internship and research part of it, quite unsure of just how exactly it would mean, although rather stoic and uninterested, the man himself is the one to pull you out of the questioning.

Class had just been wrapped up as Jungkook found himself collecting his materials, head hanging low, barely glancing your way as he spoke “We can take my car to the office, I’ll just need to have you sign the internship contract and you’re good to go for the day”

You hum noncommittally, quickly changing the topic, hoping to catch him off guard “Would you call off your engagement if I asked daddy to drop the lawsuit against your company?”

Jungkook is soon looking at you quizzically, glasses barely slipping down his nose “You can’t just say those things out loud, Y/N” He makes do of going back to organising his papers “What if someone hears? And please don’t call your dad like that”

You stand your ground as you get close to where he’s standing, pressing yourself against the desk “Why? Want to keep the nickname reserved for yourself?”

His eyes glimmer with something akin to want– even if he makes the greatest effort of not looking as affected as you guess he is, even more so as he approaches you even further, lips barely above yours as his fingers keep your chin in place “You’re about to learn how the world moves outside that pretty little head of yours, Y/N”

Day at Jeon Enterprises prove to be much harder than you could possible picture them being beforehand– it was really no secret how Jungkook’s company rivaled your family’s, which would have been expected of him to torture you with work even the slightest, perhaps in terms of personal amusement.

“Hey Jungkook, I can’t seem to reach the supplier for-” Jungkook clears his throat twice, making you raise your gaze to look at the room you had just entered, fully engrossed on the papers you were holding as part of yet another extremely complex task you had taken upon just to prove it to yourself, eyes falling on the one person that could cause you such heartache– Areum, Jungkook’s fiancee. You’re quick to backtrack and try to mend the correct politeness you’re supposed to keep while working “...sir”

Jungkook’s voice is stern as he sits across from his partner, eyes unable to leave your figure as he does so “It’s fine, Y/N, just leave the papers on my desk and I’ll get to them on due time”

You can’t even force a smile to paint on your face as you bow down dismissing yourself from the room, retreating in an effort to not let each and every thought about actions and consequences cloud your mind enough to have you messing up.

“Did daddy’s money buy her a place on your programme?” Areum mentions once the door is closed behind you, a sting to her voice that has Jungkook sighing tiredly “I wonder how many pants she’s gotten into since she got here”

“That’s my student you’re talking about, Areum” his stoic demeanour is enough to bring the comments to a halt, even more so as he raises from where he was previously sitting, back facing her as he goes through the papers on his desk “That would be all then”

The wind picks up as soon as you’re stepping outside the coffeeshop, two containers in hand. You can’t seem to grow accustomed to the brief walk involved in having to come into the office after class hours. The whole debacle seemed uninteresting for the mere twenty minutes it takes to walk from the library to fetch Jungkook’s evening coffee, and into the building. Uninteresting, at least until your phone dings with a message from Jimin as soon as you make it into the elevator. You can’t help the bubbly laugh that escapes your lips as soon as you read the headline to the link your friend had sent. Renowned CEO of Jeon Enterprises, Jeon Jungkook, calls of engagement to heiress Kim Areum via Official Press Release.

It is no news to see Jungkook hunched over his desk, glasses perched on his nose as he annotates whatever newly finished document has been left on his desk– you can’t help but wonder how exactly does the man manages to keep an unresponsive character even through something as grand as his recent breakup, yet you guess you owe to give it the same amount of importance.

You place the freshly brewed cup of coffee in front of him, apart enough from his documents so as to not cause an accident and you can’t help the words slipping from your mouth, the tingling sensation of hope taking over your whole body “Congrats on the newly found bachelorhood” you make your way to stand behind his chair as he turns around to look up at you with veiled amusement in his eyes, the smallest of smirks on his lips “I’m sure you’ll soon make it back to the number one spot on the ‘Most Seeked After Bachelors’ ”

Jungkook fixes his glasses before once again turning his back to you, diving straight back into work “Not that it is any relevant”

You can’t shake the misplaced emotions that the knowledge of Jeon Jungkook being single produces within you– no stranger to the nature of them after the awkward dancing around each other you two had a history of. Can’t even wipe the smile off of your face as lunch break comes around and Yoongi takes a seat beside you in the company’s cafeteria. “Now that you’re technically one of us, and not your rich self, will you be attending the fundraising gala?”

Just as you’re about to answer, Yoongi’s advisor walks up to your table, nodding in acknowledgement “Ms. Y/N, mind if I steal Yoongi for a few minutes?”

You wave your hands in dismissal “Oh- there’s no need- I’m here as an apprentice too, Namjoon-ssi”

Attending the fundraising gala is as much of a chore as anything else pertaining to any company duties is– you guess it most certainly loses its sparkle if you’ve been an attendee most of your life. Press conferences, networking, dull tasting finger food and a dash of old money entering a metaphorical dick measuring contest. For years on end the only excuse to attend such things had been the chance of getting to greet and mingle with Jungkook– although unnecessary now that the nature of your relationship had changed, there’s a certain nostalgia that accompanies the act as you quietly bow to him as soon as you get inside, your father long gone from sight.

“It’s a great way to take advantage of such networking events- standing here in the corner” you point out teasingly at the way Jungkook keeps to himself, nursing a glass of whiskey that is mostly just melting ice by then.

“Eh I was entertaining myself as I waited for someone” there’s a smile on his lips as he places the glass down on a nearby counter, large hand reaching out for yours, caressing the inner part of your arm, lips pressed to your exposed shoulder as he gets himself closer to whisper in your ear “The downstairs bathroom seems appealing enough for today”

Your father’s voice can barely be heard from downstairs near the garden, Jungkook’s presence, lips and cologne all occupying the most of your mind as he makes work of ridding you of enough clothes to gain access to your cunt, two fingers quickly lapping up your wetness and spreading your lips enough to insert themselves, a moan escaping your lips that is cut short by his own “Wouldn’t it be disrespectful to interrupt your father’s speech with the way his very own daughter is begging for dick just a floor below, huh?”

“A-ah Jungkook just move or something” His fingers halt their movement as he pinches your clit, earning a hiss out of you, his eyes shimmering teasingly at the way you keep on clutching tighter to his bicep.

“Oh? What was that? Hands over the counter?” Jungkook barely makes an effort for you to comply, hands resting atop of the marble counter, legs spread as soon as his leg comes in between, cunt raised in the air for his own enjoyment. You can look at yourself in the mirror, feel yourself blush at the image of your exposed body, his figure fully dressed behind you as you rest your head against your arm once he continues his ministrations. You barely register the way he hitches your leg up next to your hand, gaining better access to the way his fingers curl inside you, against your walls as he thrusts his fingers deeper in a faster motion.

“J-Jungkook just- p-please, I need-ah”

“Need what, baby?” he retreats his fingers in favour of his palm brushing against your folds, a breeze of cold air has you shivering for a fraction of a second before he brings his palm forward, slapping your clit twice in the motion, a grunt from him and a whine from you and he’s bringing his hand to spit on it before doing it once again, eliciting the same response from your body, knees threatening to give out “What is it that you need, Y/N?”

“Ah- just please please anything- you” You barely miss the lewd image from the mirror as Jungkook kneels down behind you, lapping up your juices teasingly, not going as far as a teasing kitten lick at your folds before he reclines back, a breath in your voice “I need you, Jungkook, please”

Jungkook buries his face in between your legs, tongue pushing inside you as his deft fingers continue to nip at your clit, esporadically slapping the bud in an effort to work you up harder, movements combined enough to have your juices staining most of his chin, ruining the top part of his tailored suit as he fixes your dress, hoists your leg down and holds you close, completely fucked out as you regain yourself when he plants an open kiss to your mouth, letting you taste yourself on his lips. “God, you’re so beautiful like this”

“I didn’t know you were signing a merger” you try to keep your tone casual as you walk up to your father, club in hand as he stares back at his game– golf had become a family activity for Sundays as soon as you were able to take over some of the company’s assets, serving as the only time you could talk with your dad– or at least as he half listened to you, mind and eyes glued to the ball.

“Well you would know, had you not disappeared in the middle of my speech back at the gala”

You can’t help but feel yourself grow warmer at the memory, clearing your throat and hoping your father has got no idea of the implication of your actions “I just thought you hated the Jeons”

“As much as any other member of our family, sweetheart” Although always rocky, your family and the Jeons’ had always hold a great amount of respect for one another, able to see past petty familial matters and opting to recognise the business abilities that lie within, all the more reason to be certain that rumours were surely spreading out about the merger. Having grown up within such an apparatus, you had become accustomed to how things were supposed to be handled, business first, personal life second. “Jeon Jungkook breaking up his engagement couldn’t have been better timed as we seek for a perfect excuse that won’t cause our investors to grow suspicious”

“I’m not sure I follow, dad”

“Marry that Jungkook kid, Y/N. I know you’ve got a soft spot for him” he is soon moving on to the next spot with a pat to your shoulder, no room for discussion.

You don’t even bother to knock on Jungkook’s private office’s door as you let yourself in, finding him reading over documents as usual. There’s no true rage behind your actions, merely– confusion. Surely Jungkook had already known about it. Had to agree to it beforehand. Fucking around was nice, thrilling, the chase between the two, no use denying that you two shared something. Yet the talks on marriage were on a whole other level of whatever it was that you both had built as months went by.

“So I’m guessing you’ve heard” Jeon Jungkook, poised as ever, barely half an emotion on his face, rids himself of his glasses as he motions for you to take a seat across from him.

“I had no idea a man in his mid thirties could still be roped into an arrangement”

“Marrying someone ten years younger– from a rival company, was most certainly not in the handbooks” he ditches his seat to hold himself near where you are seated, hands resting on his desk as he smiles down teasingly “Yet here we are”

He leans down to hold your chin in between his fingers and you can feel yourself relax at the familiar way his mouth works over yours, the room becoming too stuffed the longer the both of you spend making out, hands working over clothes until they are promptly discarded, his shedded tie taking home around your eyes all the while.

His hands work the wonders you had already been a witness to as you feel a familiar tugging at the bottom of your stomach, only to let out an indignant huff as he removes himself, your orgasm at a grasping distance, taken away from you with a smile on his face; he positions himself on one knee as he slides himself in after pumping himself a few times, slipping a condom on his hardened member, lips locking with yours, reclining against the cushioned expanse of the chair, your legs kicking up and around his torso as you grant him a better access to thrust into you before he is soon dragging you by your hips to straddle him, his mouth nipping at your breasts as one of his hands comes down to nip at your clit alongside the thrusts of his cock, holding your hips in place before– without much effort, he’s hoisting you up against the wall, thighs around him, a moan escaping your throat as he continues to fuck into you– you can’t even find yourself being mad at how yet another orgasm is taken away from you at the movement. You don’t even seem to care the way that most of the blinds are drawn– even if you both are so high up it would be nearly impossible to see, the thought is right there. You can already feel your knees buckling before he’s pressing your back into the floor, ass up as he slides into you once more and you feel like it is too much, thighs trembling, sore clit, even as you feel yourself gushing once again at his ministrations. Jungkook is soon enough collapsing against your back, movement still as he finishes off inside the condom with a few deep thrusts, hands caging you in a futile attempt to keep the both of you from collapsing.

His voice is close to your hair, gentle hands wiping you down even as you can swear you still see stars behind the dark velvety fabric around your head. “Don’t go expecting the work to get easier just because of this, Y/N” he’s helping you up and inside your clothes by the time he presses a kiss on the crown of your head before he retreats to his desk “You’ve got an engagement dinner to attend once you’re done with work for the day”

You struggle to find your voice, the information barely registering “T-tonight?”

“Keep it up, Y/N, I’m supposed to be the old one between the two” there’s something else in the smile he throws your way, his sight never leaving you even as you cross the door to continue your duties for the day.

Jungkook’s penthouse living room was packed with people from the office, along with a few familiar faces both from yours and his extended family, time had seemed to pass at an incredibly fast pace as you get congratulated, handed gifts and kept on getting questioned about a story you have yet to come up with. Not even the top tier champagne flutes have seemed to help ease the unsettling yet giddy feeling in your tummy, feeling especially overwhelmed after Jungkook had delivered your outfit for the day inside a high end luxury brand box at the end of the day in the office, offered you a drive to his home and had gone as far as giving up most of his commodities for you to get ready in record time as he hosted the people that were already making their way to the celebration.

“You know, when Namjoon said we had a company dinner, I most certainly did not expect to hear my best friend was getting married” Yoongi mentions as soon as you approach him, standingly idly beside a particularly costly piece of decorative art.

You take yet another gulp out of your glass “You and me both”

Jimin is soon standing next to him, smile plastered on his face as he holds what you can only guess is his upteenth champagne flute “For someone that is being forced to marry a dude 10 years older, I don’t see you complaining much”

“The sex is great, Jiminie” his face is rapidly contorting into a disgusted feature that has you laughing out loud, a pair of hands coming up to hold you close to a body you have come to recognise as Jungkook’s, you barely turn your head towards him to watch him acknowledge the pair in a silent greeting.

“Mind if I steal her for a second?”

Your hand is on Jungkook’s as he drags you down the hall to a rather familiar room, even as you hear Yoongi calling after you “She’s all yours now!”

It almost feels like a deja-vu, the way Jungkook’s lips are on yours as the both of you stand before his bed. Wandering hands all over both of your bodies, grabbing at all the right and already familiar places, as you separate yourself with a teasing smile on your face “Shouldn’t we wait until our honeymoon?” the mere phrase earns you an incredulous look from the man in front of you “Well- now that I know I’ll be getting one”

Jungkook throws most of his body weight on you to sent you tumbling into the bed, kissing alongside your jaw as he discards your clothes with your help “God I can’t get enough of you, Y/N”

There’s a teasing glint in your eyes as you push your hips into his, asking for more friction “Then don’t”

His lips are on yours in an instant, hands gripping yours as he– ever so carefully, secures them above your head with whatever piece of clothing had just been laying around. The dance is familiar in a way it hadn’t been before even after all this time, somehow even more intimate than it had ever been– even as the smallest fraction of your brain processes the fact that there is still a party going on downstairs, the tell tales of music barely reaching you as Jungkook absolutely ravishes your body, his member hard against you as the tip of his cock keeps on teasing your entrance, barely breaching only to be retreated once more “Ah-God Jungkook just put it in!”

“So desperate for my cock, Y/N” he slaps his member against your clit a few times, enough to have you whimpering, wishing to undo the restraints in your wrists so you could position him and get it on with. He doesn’t seem to be in the more for any more teasing as he starts fucking into you, deep and hard, just the way he mostly does. This time around he doesn’t miss the chance to work himself quickly– you can feel him pulsing against your walls even more so as you clench down on him, earning an almost guttural groan from him as he cums inside, eyes closed, head resting hanging low, a pouty kiss on your lips “Ah- God- I can’t wait to fill you up with our kids”

“Ah- please Jungkook just-” you can’t help the whine that overrides you as some of his cum gushes out, only for him to gather it up and push it back inside with a few languid thrusts.

The woman sitting across from Jungkook's office's coffee table is well put together– nothing that you wouldn’t have already expected for someone like him. She’s got what seems like a million papers inside binders, a practised smile plaster on her face as soon as she sits down. “So, what type of wedding are we thinking about? Summer weddings are-”

Jungkook takes your hand in his, a mischievous smile on his lips “Next week”

“Excuse me?”

The woman’s mouth is barely hanging from a surprisingly veiled expressing as soon as the words leave his mouth, yet Jungkook– much in Jungkook’s fashion, refuses to relent “I’m marrying Y/N next week”

“Mr Jeon, with all due respect, the costs and availability on such short notice-”

“I’m sure you’re aware, money is not an issue”

One week later– not a second earlier or later, you’re standing at the altar, gorgeous white dress on your body, hands in your soon to be husband ones as he whispers sweet nothings in your ear.

“...You may now kiss each other.”

Jungkook’s personal assistant is quiet in the way that she briefly knocks on his office door before announcing herself “Mr Jeon, Y/N’s father is here, per your request”

“Great, let him in”

Jungkook fixes himself a few times too many as your father takes a seat across from him at his desk, the image quite bizarre on its own, even more so as the two CEOs are seen talking in office hours, a feat not ever foreseen.

Your father’s eyebrows shoot up at the request– the matters at hand. “You want to marry Y/N?”

“I’m sure you understand how beneficial such a union would be for the both of us” Jungkook’s infamous poker face slips from a fraction of a second, long enough for your father’s interest to peak at the action as he continues to talk “I’m willing to throw away my three-year long engagement for Y/N”

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moonlit-positivity · 2 months

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Some things about boundaries:

The word "boundary" is just a word that means "a line".

A line can be drawn for any situation, at any time, for any reason at all.

A line can be drawn for many reasons. Maybe you're tired of being treated a certain way, you're tired of giving finances to someone, you're tired of a parent treating you poorly, you're tired of taking on responsibilities that leave you drained. You have to draw a line.

The line is to separate you from the actions and behaviors and stresses of others.

The line is necessary bc without it, you're left suffering- often in silence.

You have to determine when, where, and how to draw that line.

The line can be drawn by removing yourself from the situation.

The line can also be drawn by making others aware of your lines ahead of time.

You can do this by spending some time considering what your lines need to be, when they need to be enforced, and how you'd like to enforce them.

There is no guarantee that others will respect your lines.

This is the first and most prevalent sign that you need to limit, withdraw, or consider other ways to protect your lines.

It is never your fault when others cross your lines. Sometimes it's unintentional. Mistakes do happen. But if it's a repeat offense then the problem lies with the person repeatedly disrespecting you, not you.

That being said, repeat line breakers often do not understand that you deserve respect. This is why it's up to you to draw that line in other ways.

Your lines are precious and absolutely deserve to be protected, respected, and considered in every aspect of your life.

Your lines can fluctuate. You can change your mind at any time. You can have strict lines with some people, and loose lines with others. You can change a loose line to a more stricter line, and vice versa. Please consider thinking long and hard before you do.

Lines can be hard to determine. Please do not be hard on yourself for not understanding how to draw them, or what they even mean. You deserve the time and space to figure it out.

Lines can absolutely be drawn with authority figures, medical practitioners, family members, siblings, parents, friends, co-workers, bosses, and other people who hold power over us.

You should never feel ashamed about drawing your lines. Your lines are precious. Your lines are there to protect you. Honor them well. Surround yourself with people who ask and honor them too.

Some lines can be as simple as "I dont respond to texts after 8pm." Some lines can be "i will block this person because they hurt me." Some lines can be "I am forced to interact with this person so I will be nice in passing, but I will not allow them any other access beyond that." Some lines can be "I don't give out personal information to people I don't feel safe with." Some lines can be "this situation causes me a lot of stress so I will step away and reconsider."

All lines are valid.

Lines do not have to be understood in order to be respected.

Everyone on this earth is entitled to drawing lines. You are included.

Lines are not just limited to adults. Children are allowed to draw lines too. It is necessary to allow them to.

So many lines can be drawn in life. Personal space lines, bodily autonomy lines, emotional lines, financial lines, work space lines, friendship lines, relationship lines, social justice lines, spiritual lines, personal lines, and so many more.

People who use your lines against you are not to be trusted.

Pay attention to the ones who justify crossing your lines. Those people are dangerous and should not be ignored.

You are allowed to draw lines even when others are mad at you or insist that your lines are too much.

If you are having trouble setting a line in motion, do some heavy thinking about what the hardest part is and go from there.

Sometimes in order to draw a line, we have to get comfortable with changing our current position in life. Sometimes the people we need to draw lines with are so intertwined with our lives that we have to uproot our entire system in order to cope & move forward. Please treat yourself with compassion while you figure it out.

You are always worth the effort to draw a line. No matter how big or small that line has to be.

Hope this can help. 🌸

#recovery #ptsd #trauma #mental health #boundaries #healing #setting boundaries #saying no #codependency #people pleasing #communication #emotional health #emotional regulation #self work #self care #inner work #personal growth #advice #life advice

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imagines-to-quench-thirst · 6 months

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5 Times, He Knew

A new series when your man just knew that you were the one for him

yay, I came out of my den and finally wrote something. sorry guys but it was a very hectic 6 months for me a lot of things happened and I found myself not writing at all but I will try to be more active. apologize and sending you kisses MAIN MASTERLIST.

1. Coffee order

Coffee was Clark's lifeline, ever since adapting to the new city, moving from FarmVille to Metropolis. Coffee, freshly roasted coffee, was his ticket to calmness. When he met you in a coffee shop, he enjoyed the way you considered your coffee important in the day as much as he did.

Bit by bit, coffee by coffee, you two grew close. Relationship close. Small dates turned into night-long discussions about the anime Perfect Blue, lunches that were way longer than the prescribed 45-minute break from work, and drinks in the night, which ensued a little sneaky session in Clark's truck.

Remembering all the small details about you, your routine, your memberships that drain your card, some of which he reminds you to unsubscribe since you don't use them, places you go to calm and relax. Even when he is patrolling, flying through the clouds, he likes to ensure you are safe. Most of the time, listen in on your conversations with your friends while you say components about your man.

But one of the things that makes him a winner in your books is… you remember his coffee order.

white decaf mocha with one pump of caramel syrup and whipped cream on top with chocolate sprinkles

Once, when you came to him after work home, you brought coffee for the two of you. You knew about Clark, you knew about Superman, and you knew about Kal-El, and all of them liked coffee. When you offered the coffee to Clark, reciting the coffee order without hesitation, he swore he fell in love all over again.

'But that's not all. I have something else.' 'What?' 'A pupicino for Krypto!"

Scratch that; Clark was already in his mind buying you a ring.

2. Bachelor watch time

Clark is a romantic person; he is cheesy... so cheesy it borderlines into date-time reality shows, ei The Bachelor. A man/woman who has a harem of people fighting over their hearts and while some drama and unforgettable moments ensue, sign him up. He enjoys watching Bachelorette and Bachelor and especially enjoys watching re-runs with you. He enjoys the way he can talk to you about it, tell you his theories about the contestants, and say his thoughts about the outfits.

Clark enjoys talking about the show after, slicing his ideas for dates on the show more so going far to write a draft for a new episode. Clark loves to spill his thoughts when the roses are given. He loves the way he can talk about it to you with no shame. It is a guilty pleasure; he knows it is. But it feels so good. Clark speaks about it like it is fine art---

'Have you seen the way Rachel looked at Ashley? The stare was so intense. I've got goosebumps, literal goosebumps.'

"The way Micheal gave the rose to Michele and said the wrong name! Such an idiot. I would never forget your name."

'He is talking to like 20 ladies. Name swaps are bound to happen.' 'Tomato potato.' 'That's not how the saying goes, Clark.' "I lived on a farm."

But what Clark enjoys when you talk to him about it. That interaction about it, a safe space for him to talk about it when sometimes you match his energy about it.

3. Dog Walks

They say "People who your dog doesn't like, don't be around them"- a very smart person (me)

But that wasn't your case. Krypto adored you, and you adored Krypto. More so than Clark, but don't tell him that. Krypto enjoyed your company and loved the dog walks with you leading him.

Clark loved you, so when he was ready, he had you met his trusted family member…

"Darling, I want to warn you beforehand. Krypto is a great boy, but he might growl a bit. So when he does that, go behind me." "Okay." with an anxious door opening, Krypto sat in front of the door wagging his tail at Clark's chosen partner walking with few steps, licking the inviting hand. And after that first contact, it was pure love and compassion.

Clark knew that Krypto was a great judge of character, but sometimes Clark felt a bit jealous.

Even now, when he cruised along Metropolis, checking if any daytime crimes were happening around the Metrolois central park. No crimes, just you and Krypto walking side by side in the park. A sight that called a smile upon his face. Lowering himself behind a tree, he wanted to see it better, even with his perfect vision. Seeing Krpyto enjoy the ball being thrown for him as he ran to catch it while you laughed and called him sweetly into your arms. Clark didn't have a big family, he had his lovable parents back in Smallville but no one else in the Metropolis. So, having you and Krypto, he thanked his lucky stars each night, knowing that having a small and meaningful family was all he needed.

Sure, he knew that Krypto loved you more than the caped superhero, but no one could blame him for that.

Clark was also crazy for you too.

4. Moving In

After deciding that you two would live together, Clark was the ever-helpful mover packing each box and happily carrying it into your shared apartment, feeling excited about the new chapter in his life.

Making a big step like this was everything Clark wanted, normal steps suited for his story. Placing down the boxes, Clark felt a sweet relief in the empty apartment that was bare and empty with only Clark, Krypto, and you.

Clark didn't care that the apartment was empty and that there was no bed but only an air mattress. All he wanted was you and him, and Krypto. He was a lovesick fool.

"What's with the grin?" "Nothing… I just love you…" "And I love you too… now the fun part begins…. Ikea furniture set up…" "oh no……"

5. First Dance

Clark was no dancer; the big guy had two left feet. He was constantly bullied and never picked for the Smallville Corn Night dance.

When moving to Metropolis, he never gave it much thought, leaving them to collect dust in his brain. So when he met you, he was a bit confused about why you were dancing in the kitchen while making pasta. Okay… it was more so hips swaying and bit of humming, but for our non-dancing boy, that was full-on dance-breaking.

"Why are you dancing in the kitchen?" "Dancing? What do- oh you mean this?" "Yes." "Well…while I wait for the pasta to cook I like to dance a little. You don't dance?" "…." "Then dance with me. I will show you."

Taking his hand, you lead Clark a bit, his steps mixing a bit as you guided him while soft Spanish music plays in the background. Feeling a bit out of his element, Clark looked into your eyes, seeing the way they sparkled and your signature smile that he loved to the ends of the universe. Feeling him move in a circle slowly and gently with you, he didn't mind as much now that he was dancing in the kitchen.

In that moment, he felt understood, not made fun off, but rather being shown something new that he can enjoy with you. Enjoy it with you.

#superman imagine #superman x you #superman x reader #clark kent x reader #clark kent imagine #clark kent #clark kent fluff #justice leauge x reader #justice leauge imagine #justice league #dc imagine #dc x reader #imagine #henry cavil x yn #my adventures with superman #fluff imagine #fluff #5 times he knew

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dragon-chica · 2 years

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A Faithful Couple - Bruce Wayne x Batmom!Reader

A/N: All of Bruce's inebriated ramblings are directly from a dream about Bruce saying to me this morning. Do you have some kind of beef with Aquaman? I don't know. Is that, in the head of Bruce, just a logical course of action between his wife and Aquaman? I don't know??

I've seen a quite a few fics were Bruce cheats on Batmom. In my canon, this would never happen. This fic isn't going anywhere, it was just due to a dream.

Bruce Wayne was well known to be a playboy. It was to be expected of his status and good looks, (even though he's told you of his past partners and you're quite sure they wouldn't even fill both hands) and also an image he has cultivated to deter and Batman suspicions.

As such, even though you were very happily married and known to be as well in the public eye, many people expected Bruce to cheat on you.

A harsh statement but it wouldn't surprise in his high society class, and you marriage has never stopped anyone trying to flirt with or seduce your husband at functions.

Others believed he was in a relationship with Batman, or after an interview once, Superman. (rumors which you and your children loved to remind him of)

But aside from small bouts of jealously from time to time that you let fester only because you both enjoyed the passionate night it would bring, you didn't worry about the forward attention your husband received,

Despite his perfected façade, you knew how truly awkward Bruce was and often needed time to just relax and recharge with his head on your chest after a draining night at a gala.

Hardly a man you needed to be concerned about hooking up with a stranger in your own home's closet.

You knew how loyal and lovingly devoted he was to you, and you alone. Something he had shown you endlessly through your years together.

After all, you've seen Selina. After the first time of meeting her, and being the clear switched over target to her honeyed flirting, you wondered if it might happen, or if he might entertain the idea of her joining you both-

But, Bruce had never mentioned anything besides trying to stop his ex from attempting to steal you away, your flustered expression making his want to interaction to end immediately, so you dropped the short lived fantasy.

That never stopped you and Selina from flirting though. So much that Dick once asked you if Selina was going to be his stepmom too, you received a small glare from Bruce at that.

And after an argument with Bruce once, little Tim asked "When you divorce Bruce can I go live with you and Selina?" You found it so funny you forgave Bruce just to go tell him. He was not quite as amused.

Cheating was something neither you nor Bruce ever entertained the idea of, and were rather open with feelings to each other (though it took a bit of deciphering on your part).

So you were rather surprised with Bruce tonight.

It had been a long night, a long case, and he had had a few more to drink that he usually would.

You found your husband in his study, face down resting on his arm against the desk, one hand tapping idly against an empty glass of scotch.

You glide your hand soothingly across his hunched shoulders and it's visibly as he relaxes, tension seeping away at your touch.

He let out a tired groan before sitting up, leaning back against his chair and fixing you with a look that would be more fitting at a WE business meeting, if not for his slightly lolling head and unfocused gaze.

You gave an amused little hum and raised an eyebrow while he appeared to try collecting his thoughts for an important announcement.

"You will either fight with one of the Aquas, but it will quickly turn into a night of long awaited passion. Or Bruce will finally come clean and ask you about a threesome with the one Super."

Your husband took a breath and clasped his hands together before finishing his statement.

"Either way, Bruce will be supportive."

It took you a moment to collect yourself, an incredulous huff of laughter at your husband, speaking in third person mind you, who must have been thinking very hard on this if his face tells you anything.

"Okay Bruce, first of all, I'm not going to cheat on you," You grab one of his hands, tugging him out of his chair and motioning him to come with the other. "-But you want me to fuck Aquaman? Why is Arthur your dream choice for my hypothetical infidelity?"

You wrap his arm around your shoulder and carefully head toward your room, Bruce attempting to walk without falling asleep.

"...Anyone would be better than Oliver." Now you do snort at that,

"And if you wanted to talk to Clark about a threesome you could just say that Bruce." his cheeks tint a little pinker than the alcohol's effect at that, mumbling as you sit him on the bed.

You start to remove his shoes when you notice he's already fallen asleep half off the bed.

"We'll talk about this another day my dear."

Y/n, annoyed: "Fuck Aquaman."

Bruce, fully accepting self-proclaimed fate, nodding sagely :/ "Someday you will."

#Bruce Wayne x reader #Bruce Wayne imagine #Batman x reader #Batman imagine #my stuff #batfam #batmom #DC comics

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busymagpie · 2 months

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Heyo people :)

I've been gone for a hot minute.

I'm sorry if I worried some people, but I can assure you I'm doing fine.

Let me explain:

Do you know that feeling when you don't reply to a text because you just don't have enough energy for it at the moment so you want to wait? But you wait and wait and wait and at some point it feels like a task that's impossible to do so you keep waiting in hopes of a sudden burst of energy that will bring you back on track?

It's kinda like that. I was lacking creative energy, drawing wasn't as fun anymore (it still isn't quite as much fun as it was before) and everything I drew just looked bad and uninspired to me. There were also other things that happened - some good, some meh. I'm not as happy with my job anymore, mainly because I studied something that I cannot apply there. I joined an indie game project that's purely on a volutary basis right now, but it's still taking up some of my free time. I got a boyfriend now, who's the sweetes guy I know and I'm happy he liked me back. And I also figured out that I needed to work on my portfolio if I ever wanted to apply for other jobs.

All in all things were/are time consuming and some things even drained me of any energy to even open the app for more than a second or two.

But I miss it and I really wanna get back into making art and sharing it and interacting with all of you.

I don't know how long it's gonna take me and I'm sure everything's gonna take a bit longer, because my energy level is still not back to where it was and my creative juices are not flowing as smoothly anymore. But I'm trying :) Oh and I'm sorry for taking a while to respond.

#tldr: I'm fine and trying to get back on track #I'm gonna start looking through all my messages #but I'm gonna be slow #also I didn't just want to come here and say hi and leave again #you're gonna get some art

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darkficsyouneveraskedfor · 9 months

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Black Light 8

Warnings: namecalling, violence, other dark elements. Proceed with caution.

Note: thank you for waiting! Please let me know what you think as it helps me a lot with ideas and I love interacting with you all.

Part of The Club AU

Jazzercise in the park sounded like a great idea when you signed-up. You didn't put much thought to the demographic until you showed up. Amid the grannies dressed in their most neon oranges and hottest of pinks, you stick out like a sore thumb. Still, you don't mind the excuse for some fresh air and to make some friends.

A sheen of sweat breaks out on your forehead and you feel the fitness flowing through you. You look over at Gladys as she nearly puts you to shame with her spry lunges. You sigh and look to your other side, wishing Hottie was there. Too bad she has work.

You follow the instructor, a woman in her late fifties, Sonya. She hops and bops to the vibes of Wham as she hollers at you to get moving. You find yourself bouncing all over the place, the pedestrians along the path and the sitters on the benches watching at all angles. You might look ridiculous but it feels great.

You jump a bit too far back and crash into another body. You expect Meredith and her tight spirals flowing over a sweatband, but instead find yourself on the path, nearly stampeded by the large body heaving and sweating. You get your balance and untangle yourself from the stranger. Not a stranger at all.

August's curls are slightly dampened with his sweat, his skin glistening, as he wears a sleeveless black muscles shirt and even drabber shorts. A little colour wouldn't hurt.

"You," he snarls as he steps back.

"You!" You cheep brightly, "are you here for Jazzercise too?"

"What? I'm running--- Typical. I just can't seem to shake you. Like a bad cold."

"Hm, is there a such thing as a good cold?" You tap your lip, "maybe if it helps you build immunity--"

"Enough," he checks his watch and sighs, looking down the winding paved path, "I don't have time for this."

"I don't either," you put on a scowl, "you know, I'm out here tryna get in shape and you're running into people--"

"You jumped in my way," he accuses.

"My bad," you put your hands up and step off the pavement, "as you were."

You spin and dismiss him. You come join Gladys as she runs in place and you focus on Meredith's barking demands. Whew, this is awesome but you're gonna be in bed for at least a day recovering.

🧸

You walk home alone, enjoying the sunshine and the song birds flying around the statues. You follow the trail to the gates and onto the street. It's not very far from home, a couple blocks if that. You feel the adrenaline fading and the nip of fatigue that underlies it. You can't wait to chill, and maybe take a shower.

You pull at your shirt, trying to air out your sweaty torso. As you turn onto the next avenue, you hear a step out of rhythm. You look over your shoulder but only find a Ford Fiesta driving down the road. You shrug and carry on.

As you come to your house, you see the drive way is empty. It's not surprising. Your mom and dad are social people, more so since you aged into college. Hottie says it's a midlife crisis, but you expect they just feel free now that you're and adult. Well, you do your best.

You hop up the steps and take out your keys. You leave it unlocked as you stop to take off your shoes. The only thing on your mind is a tall refreshing glass of water. You don't think orange pop is a great post-work out refresher, as bubbly as it is.

You go into the kitchen and fill a glass. You head out to the deck, leaving the sliding door open as you sit in the shade. You drain almost half the glass before setting it aside on the patio table. You lean forward and undo your fanny pack, putting it next to the water.

You lean back and close your eyes. You really should get washed up. You're a little smelly. Oh, maybe Hottie's done. You can't remember when she said she worked until.

You drag yourself to your feet and finish the water. You leave the empty glass in the kitchen and stop to look at the crooked whiteboard on the fridge. You fix it and turn your attention to your phone.

Your mom texted you during the class. Her and your dad drove up to your aunt's for their big summer blowout. The same one they seem to have every week or so.

You go upstairs and to your room. You undress a piece at a time. The body suit wasn't a great choice as you peel it away from your skin and the leggings catch around your ankle. Ew, you feel nasty.

You wrap yourself in a fresh towel and walk down the hall to the bathroom as you message Hottie to check in. It's a perfect night for a sleepover. Your dad always drinks too much when he's around your uncle.

You put your phone on the counter and swing the door behind you, not caring that it doesn't clasp. You put the towel over the bar and slide back the frosted door. You bend to crank on the faucet letting the water heat before stepping under it.

You bask in the steam and wash away the residue of your workout. You take your time, a rare chance to do so. You step out and find the whole room foggy. Jeez, like a sauna or whatever.

You grab your towel and pat yourself dry, swathing yourself in the cotton before letting the steam out into the hall. You hum that George Michael diddy as you come down to your room and hit the high note just as you find an unexpected figure on the foot of your bed. It's not your teddy bear.

Your heart drops and you barely keep the towel from doing the same.

"August?" You gape in confusion, has the steam made you delirious?

He smirks, the first time you've seen anything but fury in his features. You gulp loudly and clutch the knot of the towel. You don't like that little light in his eyes, like a wolf about to feast.

#august walker #dark august walker #dark!august walker #august walker x reader #drabble #series #au #the club #black light #mission impossible: fallout

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greekceltic · 4 months

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FAQ Page

I'm not quite done with this, but it'll be nice for later.

Is it okay if I take inspiration from your art and concepts? I've been in a situation in recent years where another artist has taken far, far too much. You've probably seen me talk about it. It's a subject I'm pretty burnt out on. I recently saw another artist's take on this and it seemed sensible to me. I'm just going to quote theirs. I have tried to find my own words, but right now I find myself more comfortable using someone else's. "Well, if you’re having to ask me for permission, either your design is too similar or you’re being overly nervous about a normal artistic process. You’re absolutely free to use my work as a source of inspiration but I’d strongly encourage you to think about the details from my design you like most, and remix them with other concepts into your own unique take."

Taking inspiration is something everyone does, but please don't become a shadow I get bi-weekly alerts about. Ideally your pool of inspiration will be many artists and concepts re-imagined into something unique to you- and that you're being honest with yourself about the result.

Your art is being copied! / Will you tell me who the copy cat is? I know your intentions are in the right place, and I appreciate that, but I get a lot of messages about this and am tired. I'm sure if my art ends up somewhere it shouldn't be or there's a significant event, the community will get it to me through people I know, but let me rest. I'm just sayin' get a second or third opinion before coming to my inbox.

I sent you a message and you didn't respond. Sorry about that. I tend not to stress about messages because it can be a drain. You're more likely to get a response if you let me know from the get go what you want, but nothing is guaranteed. Sometimes I didn't see it, sometimes I got busy or forgot, sometimes I plan to do it later, sometimes I just opted out. It's not personal.

Are you okay with fanart? What about OC interactions? Can I post it? Sure, just don't profit off of it and please credit me. If you want to draw my OCs interacting with yours that's also fine- though I prefer situations where their actions make sense. Alf wouldn't make your character cry for fun, for example. He's grumpy but not cruel. Posting it is fine. Where do you Rp? Are you looking for more partners? Discord mostly. Roleplay consumes a lot of time so these days I mostly only play with my buddy Thema. I probably wouldn't have time to play, but I like to hang around people that do and I don't mind being asked. Just please don't be sad if I never get around to responding! I'm most compatible with people who are comfortable with radio silence.

Can I use your characters in roleplay/as roleplay refs? Considering I actively roleplay my OCs and there's a potential for confusion, I'd rather you didn't. Though I think there's a difference between linking to my art and saying 'this is my character', and linking to it to say 'this has the mood I'm going for, but here's what's different about my character--'. The latter is fine.

Can I make Fan OCs for your setting? Thinking about this makes me tired. Maybe I'll get to a point where I'm more comfortable later, but for now I'd rather you didn't make something directly from my worlds. But lets be real, you don't need my permission to draw cat monsters and I take a huge amount of inspiration from ancient history. Many of my concepts are inspired by things that you can read about and be inspired too. If you see something and are curious if there's a historical source, just ask. Hopefully I'll remember.

Can I repost your work? I don't mind as long as I'm credited. Most of my art has a signature on it already. If it doesn't, please add a link or my name so people can find me. I'm less okay with my work being used as a pageviews grab on a site where I have an active social media presence, but it's probably not worth my time to care.

Do I have permission to draw NSFW art of your characters? No, for a plethora of reasons, some easy to explain and some not, but I probably can't stop you. Just don't profit off of it or show it to me.

Do you have a website for your OCs? I have RP pages for them scattered all over the place and many of them are outdated, but as I type this I recently put some up on Toyhouse. https://toyhou.se/GreekCeltic

Do you have a website for your comic? Sure do. It's an expensive fuck. https://catswaycomic.com/ When does your comic update? Sporadically. I work on it when I have time. My income is solely freelance commissions and Patreon- mostly commissions.

There's other places you could post your comic! Yeah, I know. I may do that someday, but for now I like having my own house, even if it's an expensive fuck. (Not really, the renewal just hits around tax time, Lol).

#faq #stuff

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