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tiredfox64 · 29 days

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Too Late? You’re Still Young!

Prior notes: DILFS! I LOVE THEM! I LITERALLY HAVE A I ❤️ DILFS SHIRT! YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE I LOVE? CONSENT! WE 👏 LOVE 👏 CONSENT👏!

Pairing: Johnny Cage (MK11) x Virgin! Afab reader

Warnings ‼️: NSFW, fingering, praising, nipple play, safe sex is sweeter, mating press, aftercare (is freaking important)

So you spent all of high school and all of college with you virginity in tact. Impressive, but it wasn’t your choice. With a sheltered home life like yours you struggled to understand the dating scene. You were too afraid to have a boyfriend since you worried you would get in trouble with your family. You never had the talk before but your hormones were a big indicator that you were missing some important information about your body. You somewhat found the solution when you placed a pillow between your legs and it felt incredible good to you.

Through Sex Ed class and word around school you figured out what you were in need of. But to get it seemed so difficult. At least now you knew your fingers were a good option.

That frustration grew in you and you couldn’t voice it out. Even telling it to your best friend Cassie felt wrong. You’re almost graduating and you still have your v card! You can’t do this anymore. Maybe it’s time to ask Cassie for advice. Even if she can’t help you maybe one of her friends can. Two of them are engaged to each other you doubt they are waiting till after marriage. Heaven knows you can’t.

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You went over to Johnny’s mansion since you remembered Cassie was staying with him for a bit. You knocked on the door and waited patiently with an anxious look on your face. It was Johnny who opened the door.

“Hey! I haven’t seen you in a while,” He paused for a second, “Woah, what’s up with that face?”

“Hi, Mr. Cage. Is Cassie here right now?” You asked sheepishly.

“Nope, sorry. She just went out with Jacqui. But you should still come in. I’ll get you something to drink.” He invited you in.

You went inside, taking your shoes off at the entrance like a decent human being. You followed Johnny into the kitchen where you sat at the island. He gave you a glass of water which you thanked him for before he started talking.

“So what’s going on? You don’t seem to happy. Let me guess, a professor gave you a bad grade.”

He knows you too well. That could be true but not at this moment. You did smile though which is the reaction he wanted.

“No actually, it’s more of a…body issue.” You tried your best to explain it without saying it out loud.

“Ah, shark week I’m guessing? That’s why you need Cassie.”

“No! No! It’s another kind of issue that I have a hard time saying.” Your voice grew quieter the more you spoke.

Johnny stayed patient. He waited to see if you would say it yourself. You were being vague so he really didn’t understand what was going on. You sighed before continuing.

“The thing is I’m still a virgin. It’s really embarrassing. I feel so frustrated knowing that my body needs something but I either don’t know what it is or I can’t get it.” Now he understands.

He stayed silent for a bit as he thinks about what you said. He would say it’s no big deal but he’s a man with a high body count so he shouldn’t be talking. Still, he doesn’t want you feeling bad about it.

“Cassie did tell me you were a bit sheltered. But I don’t see why it’s a problem. You’re a nice and intelligent girl and I would hate for some dick to take your virginity as if it was nothing.”

“Everybody says that to me! I know what I am and I understand I need a good man to do it with. But how will I know what is considered a good man if no one tells me.” You were really expressing your frustration.

You had a point and Johnny could see that. You were at risk of being misguided. Everyone is at risk of that no matter what but you had a disadvantage. He had an idea that might work out but it seemed so stupid. Hormonal stupid. He’s been deprived for a while now and getting the chance to have some fun is really tempting right now. But he doesn’t want to take advantage of your situation. It won’t hurt to ask.

“Alright listen, how about you and me…do it. I’ll show you how it goes and what a man should be doing to you. It’s up to you. I won’t force you to do anything.” He said calmly.

You froze up and your cheeks started to feel warm. You were surprised he would suggest something like that even though you knew of his flirting habits. Was it a good idea however? He is your friend’s dad and he is way older than you. You can’t deny though that he is still good looking for his age. Older does mean more experience, right? He’s been so nice to you too so you can trust that he’s a good man. Screw it, he’s the best option!

“You wouldn’t mind doing that? I mean I do feel comfortable with you, especially since I don’t have any guy friends.”

“Of course, but only this one time. Promise me you won’t tell Cassie, right? I get it she’s your best friend and best friends tell each other everything and whatnot. But she is still my daughter and I doubt she will be happy that I banged one of her best friends.”

“I promise. She will never find out.” Better make sure of that.

He nodded before taking your hand and guiding you up the stairs. It was exciting yet nerve racking. Johnny could sensed that and squeezed your hand to tell you it’s gonna be alright. He’s gonna take good care of you.

You two walked into his bedroom. His bed was large and comfortable which helped settle your nerves. He brought you over to the bed and had you sit next to him. He may be an expert in this but he has never really dealt with a girl who was so nervous before. He better take this real slow and talk you through it.

“Alright, first things first, a man should never go right into it. Foreplay is very important. It will help make the experience better for you and prevent you from getting hurt down there.” He instructed.

You had no idea what foreplay was but you trusted Johnny enough to not asking him about it. You were right to do so since all he did at first was kiss your neck. Already that was a lot for you. Each kiss felt like a little tingle that shot down between your legs.

Johnny’s hand was slowly tracing down your body till he got to the waistband of your pants. Your breathing hitched which alerted him you were getting nervous again.

“Shh, it’s okay. Remember I’m taking it slow. I won’t hurt you.” He whispered against your neck.

You relaxed a little as his hand slipped under. His fingers lightly touched your clit and you whimpered immediately. It felt way different than when you would do it to yourself. This is way better, probably cause you are receiving it from someone else. Johnny wanted to see how you were a little more down and was surprised at how wet you already were. He could easily slip his fingers in if he wanted to.

“Damn, you’re really wet. I’ve never had a girl get this excited so quickly.” He commented.

You were embarrassed by that. Barely touched and you are soaking wet down there. You turned your head away from Johnny to prevent any further embarrassment. He just chuckled lightly at your reaction.

“It’s not a bad thing. It makes it easier. You’re doing good.”

One of his fingers slipped into your pussy with ease. You gasped in surprise and pleasure. You never fingered yourself since you never felt anything from it. But you sure felt it now. That one finger slowly pumped inside you as his thumb rubbed your clit. You were keeping yourself together which was good. Johnny felt like you could take a little more.

“You think you can take another one?”

You nodded your head confidently. You wanted more anyways. Your body was in need of it. Now having both his ring and middle finger in you was like heaven. He went a little faster while his thumb kept rubbing your clit.

Your whimpers to turned to quiet, breathy moans. Now it felt too good. Without thinking you were trying to close your legs. You don’t know why you do it you just know you don’t want to make it hard for Johnny.

“Gotta keep your legs open for me. I promise it will be better for you if you do.”

You listened and tried your best to keep your legs open, spreading them wider than before. That should do it.

“That’s it, good girl.” He whispered.

Immediately you had a reaction. Your heart did flips and you felt warmth in your stomach. Johnny caught on when he felt your pussy clench against his fingers. Not surprising considering you always did seem excited by praise no matter what. He’ll keep that in mind when he fucks you in just a moment.

Your body grew hotter the longer this went on. It didn’t help that Johnny was so close to you. So close that his other hand went to the small of your back to support you. You didn’t know what to do with your hands so you were left clenching the bed sheets. Suddenly he asked you a very important question.

“Wait, now that I’m thinking about it, have you even had your first kiss?”

Nope, you didn’t even get that. You nodded no.

“Well I must look like a jerk. What kind of man am I,” He said comedically, “Let me help you with that as well.”

This must be some sort of dream. A dirty one at best. A dream where you are kissing your best friend’s hot dad as he fingers you. Even if you weren’t the best at kissing, Johnny was making it work. Thank goodness your lips were soft cause you’d be embarrassed if they weren’t.

This was all enough to send you over the edge. It really didn’t take much effort since you were so deprived. Your eyes were shut tight as you felt pleasure pulse through your body. You were moan against Johnny’s lips. He felt your pussy clench his fingers which was enough evidence to show he just made you cum. Damn, in three minutes? That’s a new record. To him that was impressive and boosted his already high ego. You were embarrassed, thinking that cumming too early was a bad thing. It’s only bad when it’s guys, you’re fine.

“I’m sorry. I thought I would last longer.” You apologized.

“There’s no need to apologize. It just means we can get to the really fun part now. Take your clothes and get comfortable on the bed.” He instructed.

Johnny gave you a quick kiss on the cheek before slipping his hand out from your pants. He wanted to make sure you were still comfortable. There was no need to feel embarrassed around him. The important thing is if you’re comfortable and still okay with this.

You took your time when taking your clothes off. Obviously you never stripped down in front of a man. Even when you would go to the pool you were nervous to take your shirt off. This was a big leap but you felt like you could do this. Deep breathes and take your time.

While you did that, Johnny went over to his bedside table to grab a condom. You could see how prepared this man is when you saw the long line of condoms he had. It’s been a while for him, they’re still good.

When you took all your clothes off you were quick to get on the bed and cover yourself with the blankets. He doesn’t mind he understands. He started to strip his clothes off and oh…wow.

You don’t care what anybody says he is like fine wine. He looks like he’s still in his prime. You couldn’t deny you felt yourself get wetter and you pressed your thighs together to alleviate the pressure down there. Then he took his pants off. Girl, you’re in trouble but a good kind of trouble.

You’re not mathematician or scientist but you can definitely say he was bigger than average. Was it supposed to be that thick? He saw how wide your eyes were and decided to tilt your head up so you could look at him instead.

“You should probably keep your eyes on me for now. Might scare you if you look down there for too long.” He’s not wrong but he sounds arrogant saying that.

He got on the bed and slowly pulled the blankets off you. You were still being shy which is fine. There is no need to rush into this he will make sure you are comfortable with going ahead. Plus, he’s gotta comment on those tits.

“You have a nice pair on you. Do you mind?” He was asking for your permission to play with them.

You nodded and he went in slowly. You felt his hands cup your breasts gently. His thumb rubbed against your soft skin. You were surprised by how calming it felt. Sure you were even more turned on but you also felt less nervous. Johnny came in closer and started to leave kisses all over them. At first it was gentle but then he decided he wanted to leave hickeys on them. Nothing too big but they were the perfect spot since no one will see them. It was definitely a new feeling but when you saw the marks he left on you, you knew you liked it.

You know what else you liked? When his tongue ran over your nipple. It surprised you but you soon relaxed again to the feeling. He sucked on your nipple gently, not wanting to overstimulate you just yet. His other hand went to pinch your other nipple which excited you more. Once again it was another situation where it felt better when someone else did it instead of you. With all this combined you started to grow needy. There was no sense of embarrassment or nervousness anymore, only this need to be fucked. You started to whine which let Johnny know you were ready.

“Alright, alright, I get you. Just give me a second, babe.”

It didn’t take long for Johnny to put the condom on, what a manwhore. He angled himself before holding your hand. It was for support.

“Just tell me if you need me to stop, okay?”

Then he started to push into your wet pussy. The feeling of being stretched out for the first time was deliciously painful. It’s not what you expected. You expected to be screaming and for a bunch of blood to come out. Nope, not at all. Inch by inch he slowly pushed himself inside of you till he was fully in. He didn’t start thrusting immediately since he knew you had to adjust.

“You okay?” He asked.

“I’m more than okay.”

“That’s good. You’re doing so good. So good for me.” Johnny started to give you kisses on your face which you appreciated.

After a few moments he started slowly thrusting into you. Your hand squeezed his but you never told him to stop. The pain slowly turned into pleasure. Finally, the pleasure of being fucked. Each thrust was another wave of pleasure through you. It was confusing at first, like your mind couldn’t comprehend something this good. Your body could.

Johnny started picking up the pace when no sign of pain was present in your face. You stopped having control over your moans. You weren’t being loud like a porn star. It was more like you couldn’t fake it even if you tried.

Damn, that’s what I sound like?

He didn’t want to push it too far but he was so tempted to pound into you. It’s been so long and you honestly felt amazing. He loved looking down at you and watching your breasts jiggle every time he thrusted in. You squeezed so nicely around his cock. He was trying to hold himself back from getting rough and you could see that. You wouldn’t push your lucky but your body says otherwise. Hormones are crazy like that, they will yell at you to do anything to get the pleasure you need. Your arms wrapped around his neck and your legs around his waist. You looked into his eyes and you said something that seemed so out of character for you but was what you truly wanted.

“Please go harder.” You begged.

“Fuck, are you sure?” Trust me, Johnny wanted to but he was still worried about hurting you.

You whined and wrapped your legs even tighter around his waist which let him know you weren’t playing.

“Alright, I get it. Never would have expected you to be so needy.” He teased.

He’ll do you one better. How about a new position? Nothing crazy but you will like it. He grabbed your thighs and pushed your legs back before putting you into a mating press. And you thought he was already deep enough. Good thing you are surprisingly flexible.

You really do need to keep your legs open more. It felt amazing to you when Johnny started pounding into your pussy. This position made it easier to hit that sweet spot inside you which you didn’t even know about.

You could hear a wet, squishing sound coming from down there every time he pulled in and out. Not only that but there was also the sound of skin slapping every time he rammed into you. It turned you on even more. You know why? Cause that’s the sound of being fucked, honey!

Johnny had a nice view in front of him. Listening to you moan for him as he continues to fuck you. You make him feel young again. He still has it in him. The energy to have fun with a girl and make her moan. Fuck, he is so glad he is doing this now.

You would be thinking the same but all you could focus on was how big he was and how all of that was slamming into you. At this point why hide any of your moans. No one is around and this is your first time. You should have as much freedom as you want. Get the full experience. You were keeping your eyes closed out of embarrassment but that won’t last for long.

“Come on, open those pretty eyes for me. Can you do that just for me, gorgeous?” Johnny whispered to you.

When he says it like that how can you deny. You slowly opened your eyes to look up at him. Sure you were still embarrassed but you realize that it was just hotter this way. The connecting that the eyes make. You’ve never seen a man look at you in such a way. A look that makes you feel desirable. There might even be some affection behind it. Because Johnny does care for you. Even if this is a one time thing he wants you to have the best experience and walk away with no regrets. It’s working for you.

It was all so much. The sounds, the feelings, the connection, the intimacy is all getting to you. Your nails started scraping against his back lightly. Your toes curled and your legs shook a little. Your eyes almost rolled back and your moans grew louder. You were about to cum and Johnny could see that.

“You’re gonna cum? You wanna cum, pretty girl? Go ahead. Just keep looking at me.” He commanded.

You kept looking at Johnny as he slammed into your sweet spot again. This orgasm was better than the last one. It felt like a heat radiated through your body. All your worries came undone just like you. Like a knot just unraveling in your stomach. You looked at Johnny with half-lidded eyes as you let out breathy moans. Damn, he could have came right there on the spot but he was holding himself together.

“Bet that felt good, didn’t it.” He teased before leaving some kisses on your face.

You knew Johnny would feel like a king after making you cum twice. He’s cocky like that. Ah, but you forgot. He hasn’t cum yet.

“You think you can go a little longer for me, baby? Just a little longer.” He asked to keep going so he can cum.

He didn’t wanna overstimulate you during your first time but it’s your call. You’re a trooper, you can go a little longer even though you are incredibly sensitive down there now. You nodded which made him smile.

He stopped pressing down on you which was a relief for your legs. He still kept them open. He started thrusting into you again, not as rough as when he had you in a mating press but it still felt great. He watched as his cock went in and out of your pussy. Your wetness coated the condom and it still made a wet sound. Oh how he wished he could just take it off and fuck you raw. Fell how warm you are and cum into that sweet pussy of yours. But that’s a stupid idea. One that young Johnny would make and he’s a better man than that. Still won’t stop him from thinking about it.

And that view of you, mwah! Watching your legs shake slightly from being overstimulated. Your hands gripping the sheets around you. Your breasts kept jiggling no matter how hard he pounded into you. He can see your eyes grow wet as you handle the sensations. All that combined with his little fantasy of cumming inside you sent him over the edge. One more thrust in and he was cursing softly as his cum filled the condom.

You both were left panting after that wonderful experience. Johnny pulled out and went to dispose of the condom. Damn there was a lot in there.

You were pretty exhausted but happy nonetheless. You don’t really know what you are supposed to do after. If you’re supposed to just put your clothes on and walk off as if what happened didn’t happen. That’s not how this goes. Not with Johnny.

He came back to you with a bottle of water in his hand. He went next to you and helped you sit up, placing his other hand on your back.

“You’re probably really exhausted after that. Here, drink this.” You gladly accepted the bottle of water, not even realizing how parched you were.

“So, what now? Do I just leave?” You asked which just proved to Johnny that it was best that he did it with you first.

“If a man ever told you to leave right after he’s an asshole. Don’t ever let a man do that to you. Come here.” Johnny pulled you close to him and made you lay down.

Your head laid on his chest which his arm was wrapped around you. He pulled the blankets over you to make sure you were comfy. His fingers ran through your hair which soothed you even more. This was incredibly nice. You didn’t realize how tired you were till he put you in this position. Your eyelids started to grow heavy and your breathing slowed down. There was only one thing left to say to him.

“Thank you…” You said softly.

You drifted off to sleep in his arms as he gave you a kiss on your forehead. Maybe Johnny was getting pretty old since he needed to sleep as well after that. He too started to fall asleep, happy to have a wonderful girl next to him again.

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Cassie and Jacqui just came back from their little, or more like big, shopping trip. Cassie was about to call out to her dad till she saw your shoes at the entrance.

“Oh shit, she’s here?” She said.

She went around calling your name, surprised you weren’t out in plain sight. in fact, neither was her dad. She guessed that maybe you were upstairs in her room. Nope, not there either. Well if anything her dad had to be in his room or something. She knocked a few times but no answer. She just decided to open the door herself.

“Hey dad, do you have any idea where-“ Cassie stopped herself when you looked at the scene in front of her. Even Jacqui gasped out loud.

She slowly closed the door again, a shocked expression on her face. She looked at Jacqui who confirmed what they saw was true. Out of all of Cassie’s friends she would have never suspected you of sleeping with her father. She doesn’t even think you did it on purpose you’re not that kind of person. This was all so much and she could only mutter three words.

“What the fuck.”

After notes:🍊…🦊so like, you gonna pay rent or something? Do I gotta feed you? Fuck do you even eat? One of your comrades came crashing through the window this early morning. Who the fuck gonna pay for that? Ah, anyways. My daddy issues have come to say hi. Can’t tell if fucking Johnny will heal me or having him be a father figure to me will. Just need him to ruffle my hair and tell me my professors are the bitches not me. Hope y’all have a good day! Adiós!

#mortal kombat #mortal kombat 11 #mortal kombat x reader #mortal kombat x you #mk x reader #mk x you #mk fanfic #mk smut #mk11 johnny cage #johnny cage #johnny cage x reader #johnny cage x y/n #johnny cage mk11 #mk11

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bedoballoons · 9 months

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─⊰⁠⊹ฺ✿𝔾𝕖𝕟𝕤𝕙𝕚𝕟 ℍ𝕖𝕒𝕕𝕔𝕒𝕟𝕠𝕟𝕤⊰⁠⊹ฺ✿─

A/n: This is a part 2! Angsty! They try to apologize, readers unsure if they can forgive them and lots of pleading/apologies! No happy endings so I apologize in advance! Thank you @0vendettaself for the idea!

Requests/asks open!

{༻~They said something they didn't mean~༺}

(Includes: Diluc, Albedo, Alhaitham, Xiao, and Scaramouche!)

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𑁍༄Diluc:

"Just leave me alone. I don't need you bothering me, I deal with that enough already."

Diluc took a step closer to you, feeling guilt swallow him whole...how could he have said that to you...the person he loved so much. "You're never bothersome to me... I should have never said that..I'm so sorry." His voice was pleading with you, his hand reaching out to touch your face just like he always did, but before he could actually touch you, you pulled away from him...

"Diluc, you can't just say things like that...and then say you're sorry and think that makes it all better." You crossed your arms, covering yourself protectively as warm tears started to make their way down your cheeks...your heart hurting at the thought of being...bothersome...to someone you loved so much. He couldn't just say that and not mean it...right?

He swallowed harshly, racking his mind for some way to fix this...take away what he had said, "You're right, I just...is there anything I can do to make you feel better?" You looked away from him, unable to answer because in truth...you were asking yourself the same question.

𑁍༄Albedo:

"Could you please just get out of my way, I have very important things I'm working on and you're not helping."

Albedo reached out, grabbing you by the wrist harder than he meant to, in a attempt to stop you from leaving. His bright blue eyes looking at you with so much guilt in them, "Please don't leave...I like when you're with me, I was just having issues and I took that frustration out on you...I'm so sorry. I swear you're not in my way my love." His voice cracked as he begged you to stay, but you felt like you were just in the way now...and honestly you weren't sure if that feeling would go away easily.

You pulled your wrist out of his grasp, trying desperately to not cry in front of him..."Albedo, you never say things you don't mean and clearly I was bugging you,...I'll just leave for now." Your voice was barely above a whisper as you rushed out the door, leaving him on the other side of it, wondering if you could ever forgive him...if he could ever forgive himself.

𑁍༄Alhaitham:

"This isn't something you'd understand, not unless you've doubled your IQ overnight."

Alhaitham closed his book, sighing at his own ignorance when it came to love...to people, he could tell he had upset you greatly and yet he had no idea how. "I truly didn't mean to hurt you... What did I say that upset you? I'll make sure to keep it to myself next time..."

You could barely believe what you just heard...he didn't even realize what was wrong and he'd just keep it to himself next time...which meant it wouldn't solve a thing. "All of it Alhaitham. All of what you said, your tone of voice, that annoyed look you give me...you make...you make me feel stupid. Like I'm not smart enough to even compare to you...and it hurts because I already worry about things like that."

He stared at you, his eyes widening as you spoke...but he said nothing in return, what could he say, even he didn't know. In the end you left, not another word said by either one of you...

𑁍༄Xiao:

"Leave."

"No I'm not leaving...it's not your choice wether I stay or not Xiao, it's mine and I would rather spend all my days with you with that slim chance of you hurting me, then spend my life without you and always be hurting." Your words sounded so fragile now...your mind racing with the horrible thought of possibly never seeing him again. How would you even be able to stay in Liyue... everywhere...everything was showered with memories of the two of you together.

"You...you can find someone better. Someone who doesn't have that risk to begin with...I'm sorry. I shouldn't...I shouldn't have given you hope, I just...wanted so badly to love you, but my love is dangerous and even though you're right, leaving is your choice...it's also mine. I'll leave." As he spook your heart sank deeper and deeper, into a bottomless pit of depression...it was like drowning but so much worse. You opened your mouth, wanting to yell at him not to go but...he disappeared before you even had the chance...leaving you...

𑁍༄Scaramouche:

"I don't love you, honestly how could I when you're just a mortal and I have the power of a god."

You backed up more, your back up against the wall as hot tears rolled down your face... everything you once believed about your relationship suddenly wavering. "H-how could you..." You stuttered, unable to properly think as he apologized over and over...trying to take it back, but it had already sunk in. It was like a knife shoved into your stomach, twisting with each meaningless apology.

"I don't know! I just spoke without thinking, I wanted to hurt you but not...not that badly! I'm sorry I didn't fucking mean that, you're the only one I've ever loved." His voice cracked as he continued to move closer to you, his hands shaking with anxiety...if you left because of this.. he'd be all alone, again. "You can say something rude to me, or I can do something to make you feel better...just, just don't go. Please."

You shook your head, using your arm to wipe away your tears as you shoved past him, bolting towards the exit, why would you stay...for someone who didn't love you.

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ଘ(੭*ˊᵕˋ)੭* ੈ♡‧₊˚Have a good day!*⁠.⁠✧

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ask-pomni-blog · 12 days

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Ok this may seem like im grasping at straws here but i need you guys to let me cook for a sec-

HUGE TADC EPISODE 2 SPOILERS

We start off the episode with Pomni’s nightmare, which is a reflection of Pomni’s fears and feelings that are going to be expanded upon throughout the episode. Her main fear isn’t abstracting here, it's the feeling of helplessness, the feeling of not mattering to anybody in the circus. This is seen clearly when Ragatha, Jax, and Caine are shown above the cellar, basically saying “good riddance” upon witnessing Pomni abstract.

And it makes complete sense that Pomni would feel this way once you look back at the circus’ reaction to Kaufmo abstracting (before the second episode). He doesn’t get acknowledged as someone who has just passed away, he doesn’t even get a moment of silence. Pomni notices this, and after she wakes up from her nightmare, she seems almost reluctant to bond with the rest of the circus members because this fear is still on her mind.

This is seen particularly when Pomni is speaking to Ragatha. Ragatha attempts to be helpful at any given chance, but most of the time Pomni is lost in her thoughts. Pomni doesn't seem very open to conversate with Ragatha because of her fears. But this isn't unwarranted, Ragatha literally calls the situation from the day before a “doozy” which brings up the fact that Ragatha constantly dismisses important issues, saying that they should just forget about the situation that happened the day before when Pomni left her for the exit. I understand that she’s trying to ease the tension between them, but I fear she might be making it even worse. Additionally, Ragatha dismissing a very important issue like that makes Pomni’s fears stronger, it may seem to Pomni that Ragatha doesn’t care…

When it’s actually the opposite! The whole episode she tries her best to motivate Pomni (“look, Pomni. We’re already friends with the princess!”, “So, Pomni, I’m sure there’s some way you could help out here.”)

and she’s also very concerned for Pomni when she’s gone (“...Pomni’s still on board!”, “Oh man, Poor Pomni. I hope she's alright.”, “I’m more worried she’s having another horrible experience.”, “Pomni! Are you okay?”)

However, all these remarks could be seen as condescending from Pomni’s perspective… And on the other hand, Ragatha feels like Pomni blames her for the situation, and that Pomni dislikes her.

Returning to the topic of Pomni’s fears, a lot of this is also reflected in her conversation with Gummigoo:

—

G:“I don’t matter in the slightest. I’m nothing. My life, my memories… my friends… it’s all fake.”

P:“...I think I know the feeling.”

P:“...I guess I just don't want you to feel like you’re nothing. I don’t want anyone to feel like that.”

G:“But I'm not even a real person. Would I even belong?”

P:“I’m sure you wouldn’t belong any less than me.”

—

Pomni relates to Gummigoo’s fears!! And Pomni is so compassionate and understanding too! …sadly their friendship didn’t last very long… and that brings us back to Ragatha and Pomni. Ragatha tries her best to be reassuring… unfortunately that didn’t work either. AND THIS WHOLE INTERACTION IS JUST- OH MY GOD... LET ME PUT A HUGE EMPHASIS ON THEIR BODY LANGUAGE HERE:

Also the WORDING HERE:

and this scene ooohhhhhhh,,,,,,,, this scene...!!

POMNI IS REASSURED ONCE SHE SEES THAT THE CIRCUS MEMBERS DO CARE. THEY WOULD CARE. HER FEARS DISSAPEAR AND AND- ohhhhmy god this is so sick and twisted.. this ep was.. soooooo good. holy smokes. anyways thank you for listening to my TED talk.

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wonijinjin · 5 months

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seventeen’s vocal unit when their s/o feels lonely

author’s note: reminder, you are not alone. if anyone needs someone to talk to my dms are always open, you are welcomed to chat! stay safe yall.

synopsis: what the title says.

word count: 0.8k | genre: hurt/comfort | pairings: vocal unit x gn! reader | warnings: description of mental health issues, mentions of food

hannie: babies you all day, all night, trying to keep you company, never leaving you physically alone.

jeonghan is the type of person who can be really mischievous and will tease you every time he has the chance, but when he senses that something is wrong he comes to the rescue with lots of babying and fun activities to keep you distracted. he loves to coo at you every minute of the day, secretly hating how you feel lonely, not daring to upset you further by any means; so in conclusion he does anything and everything you want. he would be always by your side even though you might not want it; he would refuse to leave you alone, afraid of the feeling getting stronger in you if he leaves.

“my angel, i know you feel like you might not have anyone but you know that i’m here right? i will always be by my baby’s side.”

shua: sits down with you and tries to understand your feelings.

when it comes the horrible feeling of loneliness joshua is the best person to confide in; he listens to others very well and is always ready to share the burdens you carry with you, whatever they might be. he is a gentle lover, and would do anything to reassure you how good times would be coming soon, and that your feelings are valid, so he would like to have a deeper conversation with you, trying to slowly unravel your mess of emotions in order to help.

“darling i am so sorry you feel this way, but you know what i always tell you. life is very diverse, sometimes you might feel lonely, other times you might not. i will do everything in my power to prove you that i can be your other half, so you don’t feel this way anymore.”

jihoon: makes you spend time with him in the studio, creating a new song based on your feelings.

now jihoon is not the most talkative person, and his love language is definitely music, which is why he would love for you to try to get him to feel what you feel by creating music and lyrics. he would be eager to replicate what you think, to give you a piece of himself to which you can say that that is exactly what you were thinking about, to feel that he understands you. he is a big believer in connecting through music and its therapeutic power, so he would work very hard to satisfy you and show you a copy of your mind through music.

“babe please come with me, i have something to show you. i finished the song we started the other day, is it accurate? i want you to have the comfort music always gives me.”

dk: drags you out, ranting about wanting to experience many exciting trips with you, trying to make memories to forget how lonely you feel.

dokyeom loves to take care of his lover, and it often comes in the form of food; he would take you to a special place which he had been keeping a secret from you, wanting to use that restaurant for an occasion when you need some cheering up. he is a sunshine so he would be trying really hard to make you laugh lots, so even if for a short amount of time, but you can forget about any worries you had been keeping in yourself. he isn’t pushing on talking about it, since he is afraid you would break like you were some kind of fragile item, so he acts.

“honey, taste this! isn’t it so good? gosh i love this place! i have so many ideas which we can do in the future! don’t worry your pretty little head about anything anymore, let’s stay busy, should we?”

kwan: rests with you in the nature, trying to make you empty your mind for a bit.

he himself tends to feel strong emotions from time to time, and he knows how overwhelming they can be, to actually live life while not being mentally well, so he makes you hit pause. he isn’t trying to tell you what or how to feel, he just simply lets you talk about your thoughts freely, being there, just listening. if you needed advice he would give you some, but otherwise he won’t; he knows you are perfectly capable of expressing what you need, and just gives you that little push to help you find a solution and peace.

“say whatever you need to, i am here. you know you are not alone babyboo, even if you might not completely see what i mean yet. talk it out, then if you want to we will discuss what can be done.”

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sixty-silver-wishes · 2 months

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Roasting you based on your favorite of these German Expressionist films

(this post is a joke; don't take it too seriously lol)

Metropolis: You've got spicy political opinions and daddy issues. You were doing great in life until you found out how corrupt capitalism is sometime in high school or college, and it's absolutely mind-boggling to you that nobody else is batting an eyelid at all the injustices of the world because they're too busy defending the concept of a 40-hour work week. You're constantly checking your privilege and everyone else's, too. Or you just want to bang a robot. That's probably it.

The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari: Okay, I could make a joke about you being emo, or you liking the most basic film on the list, but that's not really the issue here. Your Hot Topic fashion sense and shitty drugstore eyeliner are nowhere near as concerning as the fact that you have no idea who the hell you are without them. You constantly overthink everything and are great at solving everyone's problems but your own, and you're averaging like 4 hours of sleep on a good night. You can't get your intrusive thoughts to leave you alone and if you relate to literally any character in this film, you need to get help. It's okay; I promise your therapist doesn't secretly hate you.

M: You're a surprisingly sweet and empathetic person for someone whose favorite film on this list is about a child murderer. You care deeply about others and are very much in tune with yourself, but unfortunately, everything you say is so off-putting that most people don't get that vibe about you. If they actually gave you a chance, they'd find that you have a great personality, but they don't, so instead you're stuck at home stalking your ex's vacation photos on social media.

Dr. Mabuse the Gambler: You like the finer things in life. You're high-maintenance, your tastes are classy and expensive, and you actually know how wine tasting works. However, you're way too into conspiracy theories and pyramid schemes for your own good, and your cultured proclivities are deeply undercut by the fact that you probably got into Bitcoin when that was a thing. Your two career paths are either "businessperson" or "cult leader," and it's concerningly difficult to discern which one you're on.

Nosferatu: Your sense of humor relies entirely on recycling memes that are at least a decade old, and the fact that you communicate nearly entirely in pop culture references is your attempt at disguising the fact that you're really bad at socializing. You think you have lots of great ideas that make perfect sense, but most people don't know what the hell you're going on about. However, you've got one or two ride or die friends who love you for who you are, cringe and all. Keep being you, Nosferatu fan. Never change.

The Student of Prague: I'm not sure this one is actually anyone's favorite film, but if this was yours, you were into shipping the Onceler with himself when that was a thing. You're super competitive, but you have a tendency to overwork yourself and burn out quickly, so now you're living off of Top Ramen and protein bars. People love to tell you that you "have potential" and "just need to apply yourself," but what they don't get is that you're stressed 24/7 and won't give yourself a break because you're trying so hard to satisfy your own impossible standards. Please take a nap.

Der Golem: You're great with children, small animals, and potted plants, but that's because literally anyone else you have to deal with fucking pisses you off. The absolute audacity of everyone around you means you're never not two seconds away from throwing hands, but honestly? You're always right and you should say it. You're actually a really nice person, but people keep pushing you to your limit and you're sick of it. On an unrelated note, you probably work in customer service.

Different from the Others: If this is your favorite film and you're a member of the LGBT community, that's perfectly understandable. It was a monumental achievement in LGBT cinema in the early 20th century and, despite being somewhat dated by today's standards due to the time period it was created in, largely holds up as an educational, yet tragic, piece of cinema. That being said, if you're a straight/cis/allo person and this is your favorite film, what is going on with you. I want to study you in a lab. How did you find this film. Come to think of it, how did you even get into German Expressionist cinema to begin with. I just want to know

Der Januskopf: [REDACTED]

Genuine: You're a "Caligari" fan who doesn't want to seem basic like the rest of the "Caligari" fans, so somehow you ended up here. You don't actually like this film aside from the visuals. Nobody actually likes this film. You want so, so badly to like this film, so you lie to yourself, just like you do about everything else.

#german expressionism #silent films #silent movies #metropolis #the cabinet of dr. caligari #m 1931 #dr. mabuse the gambler #der golem #nosferatu #the student of prague #different from the others #der januskopf #genuine 1920

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callmissrogers · 3 months

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There You Are Sweetheart. | Steve Rogers x Reader One Short.

Summary: Y/n just wanted to bring her sister a package. What she didn't expect was being picked on by two soldiers or being rescued by a handsome stranger.

Steve Rogers x Reader

Word count: 1,909

Warnings: fluff and some goofiness. Y/n does get harassed by some jerks, but nothing happens. Let me know if I missed anything.

Note: very minimal editing and gold stars to anyone who catches what this is a reference to.

It's beginning to feel like spring. The cherry blossoms have sprung into bloom, and Y/n has a date to bring her sister, Felicity, a package that was delivered to her house whilst Felicity was away. On the way there, her horrible sense of direction has her taking a wrong turn and into the pathway of some soilders on their lunch break. Will Y/N end up in some sort of trouble, or will someone dashing come to her rescue? Read to find out.

Hey! I'll be at on a coffee shop today at 3... Could you bring me my package then? It's a little hole in the wall place by all the fancy vintage stores you like.

Of course, Felicity would want to meet at a coffee shop. Y/n was positive her sweet younger sister couldn't survive even a couple of hours without a caffeine kick.

She looked around her office (which was really her apartment) for an excuse to stay in, but couldn't find any. All of the outfits that needed tailoring had already been tailored.

Plus, really, she hadn't seen her sister for a while, and they needed to catch up. Y/n just hated going out in the late afternoon. It meant that she'd likely be heading back during rush hour and would end up eating dinner late. If there was anything that y/n didn't appreciate, was having her routine messed up. . . She was well aware that she lived like a little old lady sometimes.

Closer to time, she got dressed in an outfit that was fit to be seen in. Her baby pink lounge set was incredibly comfortable for working long hours at home, but it was hardly a fashion statement.

The coffee shop in question was about 15 blocks away from her place, so she decided to walk. Admittedly, this probably wasn't the best idea in the world. Y/n has a tendency to get lost in her local grocery store.

So, with an earphone in one ear, she listened to her favorite oldies playlist, as life was better when it had a soundtrack and was on her way.

A few blocks down, she took a left down an alley that was its own hole in the wall. It held a bar favored by military members and directly across from that there was a karaoke pizza joint. Y/n always thought that made an odd coupling.

Tho, a part of her wondered if the college girls who favored the pizza place went there just for the chance of getting with an army man without any understanding of what military life was really like.

She was musing on this when two soldiers stepped out directly in front of her and thereby blocked her pathway.

"Um. Excuse me." She gasped, trying to get around them.

"Looks like this little mouse lost her way," one of them joked, taking a swig from his beer bottle.

She shook her head, "Oh no, I'm not lost."

The second soldier peered down at her with a grin on his face and then said, "This little mouse looks thirsty. We should take her to get a drink."

Y/n was beginning to get nervous, and she had no idea how she was going to get out of this situation. She had never had any issues cutting through here before, but now she was wishing she had taken the route that passed the pet store instead.

All she could think to say was, "No thanks, my sister is waiting for me." Hopping that by knowing she had some place to be that they would just leave her be.

But they just shared a glance, laughing to themselves before the one of the right replied with a "We've heard that excuse before." Then the one on the left winked at her and said, "She's actually pretty cute for a mouse."

His pal chuckled and then reached out to place a hand on her shoulder, "How old are you anyway? Live close by?"

Now they were both getting uncomfortably close, and y/n had a terrible vision about being stuck having to sit in this bar with them until they had gone from just tipsy to black out drunk.

"Leave me alone!" She tried to yell, but it came out as more of a loud statement.

"You see, your personality scares all the girls."So I think she's cuter when she's scared."

She was done for, body stiffening up, hands trembling, trying not to drop the package.

"There you are, sweetheart," someone said behind her. Only when someone tucked their arm around hers and pulled her from the soldiers' grasp did she realize that the stranger was talking to her.

But she certainly didn't know anyone who would call her that. That much she was sure of.

"I'm sorry I'm late." He said, gazing down at her. She had to crane her neck just to look him in the eye. He was a tall, blond headed man with strong features. His bright blue eyes bore into hers with concern.

Did she know this man? No. No, she did not. But all she could manage to do in response to his saving her from these two was to open and close her mouth repeatedly.

"I've been looking for you everywhere." Her rescuer continued acting like they knew each other. Not only knew each other but were in some sort of relationship.

Oh boy, was y/n's head spinning now.

"Hey man, we were just talking to your girl here." One of the soilders tried to explain.

Her rescuer looked at the pair and then said, "Really? It looked to me like you were trying to force a lady into drinks after she said no. Time to learn some boundaries, gentlemen. We'll be going." And then he gently led her up and out of the alleyway, only stopping once they were completely out of sight of the bar.

"Are you ok?" He asked, his head tilting to get a better look at her face. This man had to at least be 6"2, and he made y/n feel positively tiny.

Taking a deep breath, she nodded. "I will. I will never take that street again. That's for sure."I'm sorry that it did. Letting off steam is no excuse to treat a lady that way."

"Thank you. . . I don't know what I would've done if you hadn't come along like that." She said, pulling the hem of her cardigan sleeve.

"I was just doing what anyone should do in a situation like that,"

"But. Can I ask-- No nevermind." She mumbled, feeling her cheeks heat up from embarrassment.

"No, no. Go on, please, " He encouraged, actually seeming eager to hear her out.

"Wh - why'd you pretend to be my boyfriend or something?" She asked, feeling really, really stupid.

Now he was blushing.

"To be honest, ma'am, it was the only thing I could think of on the spur of the moment." He said with a nervous laugh.

When her phone chimed, y/n pulled it out to see a text from Felicity.

where are you?

"Well, I thought it was smart. . . You're very much the gentlemen." She said with a smile, feeling much more relaxed than she had a moment ago.

He looked like he was about to say something when her phone chimed again

Beginning to freak out a bit, sis. Are you ok?

Y/n sighed, looking from the phone screen up to her rescuer. "I should... I should probably get going. My sister's getting worried about me."

"Where is it you're headed? If you don't mind me asking." He asked, shoving his hands in his pockets. How was it possible for someone to look so at ease and yet so uncomfortable at the same time?

"She wanted to meet at a coffee shop a few blocks away from here." Y/n replied, adjusting her bag and trying to look anywhere but at him.

They made quite the pair.

After shifting from foot to foot for a moment, he said, "I could walk you."

Y/n didn't know why, but that small gesture made her smile in the biggest way.

"Really? You don't have to."Ah. Well, now I'm invested after all. I've been looking for you all day." He said, matching her smile. If she could read his mind right now, she'd know that he just congratulated himself for coming up with something that was smooth as a response

So he offered her his arm again, and the pair made their way to the coffee shop.

Meandering past store fronts and other businesses as they went.

"This is it." Y/n fianlly said, stopping in her tracks.

It was a coffee shop that looked like it hadn't aged for about 60 years.

"I love this side of town," He said as a response.

"Things feel a little more normal here." "More normal?" Y/n asked, not understanding what he meant by that statement.

"That would be a very long story that we don't have time for at the present moment." He said again, smiling down at her.

"Oh. I see." Y/n giggled at her own confusion. This man saved her, escorted her to meet her sister, and now adds some mystery to the mix.

"I'll let you go. Don't want to worry that sister of yours anymore." He said with a tip of his head and he started to walk away.

"Wait!" Y/n blurted, forgetting herself. He turned to face her again, judging by the expression on his face, he was surprised by her sudden outburst. Then his brows shot up as if to say, "Go on."

"What's -whats your name?" She asked, willing herself to hold onto this bold feeling long enough to get this out.

He smiled and then said, "Steve Rogers."

Y/n's eyes widened, and her boldness melted into total embarrassment. Perhaps she was drugged or something to be out of her mind enough to not realize she had been with not just some kind stranger off the street, but rather CAPTAIN AMERICA. And he had called her "sweetheart", even if he hadn't really meant it, he had still said it.

She would dream about that for the next month while she hemmed dresses.

"Miss. Miss!" Steve said, having come closer again to get her attention. Y/n jumped when she realized he was right in front of her.

"Sorry. I'm y/n y/l/n. "

"Well, y/n y/l/n," He said, reaching into his pocket, pulling out a pocket notebook he scribbled something down and then gave it to her. "If you happen to be free this Friday night. There's a restaurant in this neighborhood. Very old timey, like me. . ." He said nervously, laughing again. "We could have a meal, I could tell you that story and I could learn more about you. I mean, aside from the fact that you have a sister and listen to 'Sh Boom' when you walk around the city."

He had noticed what she had been listening to?

All y/n could do was squeak a "yes." Before running back into the coffee shop and slamming the door in his face.

Felicity looked up in surprise, "What took you so long? Are you ok?"

Y/n sat down and, in one breath, said, "I think Captain America just asked me out on a date, and I said yes."

NOTE: I wrote this in one sitting, and at first, I thought it was sweet. Now, I think I might have actually made it corny. I'm going with it anyways but please let me know what you thought of it. Thanks!

Note 2: Part 3 of 'That's my Girl' will be coming out soonish keep an eye out!

#steve rogers fluff #steve rogers x reader #marvel #steve rogers fanfiction #steve rogers x you #chris evans characters #chris evans #steve rogers #steve rogers romance #steve rogers x y/n #steve rogers short story #marvel shortstory #marvel fanfiction

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skyeventide · 10 months

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taking a stab at the whole valinor trauma rebirth tragedy thing

without getting into the various iterations of mandos throughout its development, the fact that it shares the etymological root with angband (angamando in quenya) or its use as both a prison/punishment place and as the temporary "afterlife" of elves, I think it should be obvious why "mandos cures everything" doesn't work for most people. it's simply narratively unsatisfying. we know that, technically, spirits are solitary in mandos and don't tend to interact with each other, and we know (iirc) that nienna does most of the healing work, when those spirits don't reflect on things by themselves.

healing in complete isolation might work one rare time, but it's otherwise simply not how healing works, how adjusting to a new life works. being way too in your own head is discouraged. healing all your traumas because a goddess did it via magic counseling gives, at best, uncanny vibes, at worst erases the struggle and journey of adjusting, with help, into the life you're actually living. so people either say that spirits can actually meet in mandos and figure things out among themselves, or subvert the narrative and have people come out of mandos either not truly healed or only partially so, and needing the real living feedback of society to exist within it again. a reading which allows mandos to still function as a recovery, but whose achivement is to "prepare" for the journey of spiritual healing, to bring elves back to a stage where they're able to face the circumstances that generated their trauma (aka the living, embodied world, and maybe more precisely even the people involved in it).

this barely touches on the grievances that dead elves might have with the guys who are running this show. this isn't just feanorian followers (or the exiles more at large) who renounced the valar's authority, it can also be the avari, who now either get valinor or they get valinor. it can be the falathrim, who wanted to go to valinor and lost the chance. it can be those sindar who were waiting for a full intervention from valinor, and it didn't come until earendil came around. it's hard to envision healing within a system when the system itself is what you take issue with. it requires a personal compromise, or an acceptance of the system's authority, and that's simply not always possible, nor can fanworks always easily tackle it — which is also why I think fics where living relatives "bully" or like, strongly entreat, the valar into releasing specific elves from death are popular. it's one way of giving that specific problem a solution, though it may in effect be unrealistic. it's less about realism (I for one don't believe the Valar would ever do that) and more about trying to find a way through wanting to see those characters heal without having to bend and accept the system and its authority.

which also brings me to what comes after and the necessary divide, real or perceived, between people who were always in valinor and people who returned to life after conflict.

to put it simply, making sweeping statements about whether amanyar elves can understand the trauma of exiles and other reborn elves is not possible and in itself pretty silly. even the amanyar themselves don't perceive their experiences of trauma and the darkening in the same way! the teleri refuse to set foot in beleriand despite their own kin being there, and despite the fact that noldor and vanyar embark on a valar-sanctioned war. it's pretty obvious that their own internal experiences and cultural understanding of the darkening or of valar authority is still vastly different, that even going by the imprecise and generalising divide of clan, that trauma was processed differently. or not processed at all.

and then, would those who fight the war of wrath understand the trauma of a continent-wide collapse? yeah, surely in a sense they can, they live through it. but can they understand it from the point of view of a sinda who had lived in beleriand all their life and didn't simply come here with the understanding that this was war? who saw their home be destroyed slowly and painfully, and in the end, when the saving arrives, it's a saving with such an immense and heartbreaking price? maybe they can empathise, maybe they can't. the darkening, by the time of the war of wrath, is no viable term of comparison. even among the living, this isn't cookie-cutter.

so what of those who die and return? I think it's obvious, in the text itself, that someone can go through a death, real of metaphorical, return to their old home which has itself gone through some considerable trauma, and realise that no matter if both you and your home have changed, both have bled, you're still unable to readjust to it the way others can. other people who were with you in your journey can integrate, they find old friends and loves who help them in this. you can't. I'm obviously talking about frodo.

it's not the same for everyone and it will never be. and I do feel as though the reading of valinor being in itself unable to take back people who went through trauma is a push-back against the idea that valinor must inherently be blissful, healing, and perfect; but the text presents us many situations where the environment of valinor plants the seeds of dissatisfaction; the fact that it doesn't work as neatly as it seems is at the core of the early conflict in The Silmarillion (even without pointing out stuff like: troubled people, Frodo included, go to the gardens of Lorien in search of that healing and peace of mind that the rest of the land can't actually provide. it's just a land. it's mostly free of toil because there's literal gods providing things, but it's just a land). valinor is not perfect, but its status as blessed realm invites a certain unease in many readers. I believe this unease leads easily to cotradictory and equally extreme positions, ranging from "no one would or should feel out of place after rebirth" to "actually no one would understand the trauma of someone who died and returned".

plus, of course, the obvious: someone's trauma, collective or individual, and how people process it, doesn't somehow erase someone else's and how they process it. the two things can come in conflict with one another, but they're not, like, mutually exclusive.

#The Silmarillion #Valinor #quenta noldorinwa #I will say I haven't seen these takes #everything is a secondhand account for me

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aesterblaster · 3 months

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Bad Dogs Can Learn New Tricks

Which Blue Lock Characters Have Gone To Therapy, In My Humble Opinion. (+ Who Desperately Needs To But Hasn't + Who Might In The Future)

Warnings: Some spoilers for way past the U-20 Arc, also not an extensive list of characters, honestly kind of funny. I wasn't trying to be TOO serious

Songs: Falling Behind / Laufey , The Main Character / Will Wood , Nothing's New / Rio Romeo

Has Gone To Therapy And Loves Their Therapist Gang

-Anri, There is no way she is able to have that much patience and take that much shit from corporate without having a therapist. I think she uses like 1/5th of her paycheck on books about improving your life and stuff like that LMAO. Her therapist is also a woman so it helps her to have someone who understands her frustrations with not really getting credit despite being one of the founders of Blue Lock. Also sometimes she gets worried she's unethical towards the boys so that weighs on her.

-Kenyu, Look it's still in progress ok? He was just starting before he came to Blue Lock. Once he realized he was going to lose his vision he started working with a professional and found it really helpful. In fact they were the one who encouraged him to go after Blue Lock in the first place. One of the reasons he was so quick to say sorry to Isagi is because he has those #coping skills.

-Gagumaru, After having a run in with a bear in the woods he kept having nightmares and his parents made him go to therapy. Well it was kindddd of therapy..it was a hippie who's a family friend. That doesn't mean he doesn't know grounding techniques. He even taught Naruhaya how to calm down from a panic attack once. But yeah, he doesn't really tell people that he went to therapy

-Snuffy, After his best friend's death he went to therapy ASAP. The type to only call his therapist once every 5 months and still have a rock solid relationship with them. His therapist helped him break his womanizing habit and realize that he's enough all on his own. 100% did some soul searching and stepped away from the scene. He also combined the therapist with a personal trainer to really max out his healing process. 100/10 dude for it.

"I Have Gone To Therapy And It Didn't Work" Crew

-Chigiri, Similar to Kenyu, his parents thought he might need some mental health help after the trauma of thinking he'd never be an athlete again. But he was one of those cold shoulder my mom is forcing me to do this cases. He never actually worked through what he might do if this whole thing falls through. Also snarkiness 100, his therapist almost quit because he was so insulting to them. Chigiri just felt ashamed that his parents even thought he should go in the first place and convinced his sister to also beg them to stop taking him lmao.

-Isagi, Okay at some point his parents realize he takes faliure wayyy too hard and tried to get him in therapy. When he talked to the therapist though the dude was like "Yeah, he's just competitive. Nothing wrong here." Alas, he's been masking for so long that he's incapable of revealing his issues to anyone who hasn't known him for 3 years or plays sports with him. Also, he convinced himself he doesn't need it and then idly imagines just going apeshit and killing his enemies to cope with stress...like bro...

-Noa, Why do you think he gets along with Isagi? All jokes aside, his PR people probably asked him to do it and he went and then secretly never went back. It honestly didn't work because he wasn't willing to give it a chance. And still isn't!!!! Would rather backflip off of a yacht than tell someone in a lounge chair about how growing up in intense poverty still haunts him sometimes, makes him question his worth and avoid conflict in day to day life. Sometimes he wonders if one day he'll wake up and find out it was all a dream....But nah he doesn't need therapy!

-Oliver, He was soooo close to actually getting his mental health in check but then his therapist retired. After that he got another really seasoned one and saw the amount of case files in his desk and just felt like a straight up burden. One of those "other people have it worse" and "it is what it is" guys. He's very open about his emotions and feelings so he just talks to his friends when he's really struggling. (Even though Sendou never says the right things-) Like yeah it's their job but why bug these nice people when sex?? Why talk about issues in sessions when he can get drunk or go train for 4 hours??? Riddle him that?

The "I Need Therapy And I Know It" Team

-Ness, He has so many fucking issues. Honestly, despite his devout worship of Kaiser he does realize that his behavior isn't quite healthy or normal. Dude tries to show you a funny video on his phone and all of his ads are for Betterhelp. Genuinely trying to figure out a diagnosis. Yes he has looked up all sorts of personality disorders and no he doesn't think he has any of them (He has at least two). But again, Ness is self aware enough to know that some help or someone to talk to who sees him as an actual human being would be nice.

-Niko, He cannonicaly describes himself as very very introverted and nerdy, also he hides his face. Tell me you were bullied in school or at least had an extremely traumatizing incident without telling me. Kind of never had anyone, just people who hung around because of his soccer skill or avoided him like the plague. He is that guy who will rant about "society" online for hours and fantasize about moving to a different country thinking he'd get better treatment there. Cripplingly lonely and self conscious at the end of the day, in all honesty. Also he genuinely wants a therapist but just can't afford one.

-Hiori, Obviously his parents are the ones who stop him. He tries to go and his mom realizes where he's making her drive him and swerves off. Even when he gets his license, you just know they're tracking everywhere he goes. He doesn't have enough privacy to really get better like that, Hiori has to wait until he moves out. Still genuinely fucked up by the fact that Gagumaru has gotten therapy and he hasn't. Just listens to emo music and plays video games and pretends that that fixes everything. He's totally releasing a top-selling book about his horrible childhood after Blue Lock.

-Bachira, Is he outgoing and silly? Yes. Does he need better coping skills? Also yes. Men will tell you the most horrible and traumatizing childhood memories about getting jumped and then laugh it off, and it's him, Bachira is men. He ties to brush off his trauma with humor but it never really works. He knows that he genuinely needs to talk to someone other than Isagi or his mom about the Monster and how it was by his side for so long. But also never goes through with getting professional help, just thinks about it sometimes.

The "What's Therapy? Fuck You!" Group

-Kaiser, Oh god, don't even suggest it to him. I headcannon that mental illness kind of runs in his family. He's watched family members be taken away for being too out there and openly mentally ill so he has a reason to not trust doctors. Just associates therapy and things like it with abusive institutions. If he told a therapist all of his issues, he'd probably be sent to a psyche ward. Just the threat of being sent there single handedly kept him from killing himself or talking about his feelings when he was younger. He will continue to just be slightly abusive to the people around him thank you very much.

-Ego, Bro's got the government banning him from soccer and you think he's thinking of therapy? When Anri tells him he needs it offhand, he's like, revenge is my therapy. Insane as fuck but thinks that it's a good thing. He is not willing to talk about his issues to anyone, but especially not someone who will write it all down. Genuinely ruined a few relationships in his past because the main people he attracts are the "I Can Fix Him" people and it just never works. Suprisingly unself aware for how much he analyzes others.

-Barou, His main issue is just shame and failed gifted kid syndrome. But as soon as he's back up he's convinced he doesn't need help. Barou suffers from really high highs and really low lows but he also has the mental fortitude to handle it. He is a well adjusted and kind enough person outside of the soccer field so he never considers that he needs therapy. When he feels bad about himself he hits the gym but he's never really opened up to anyone and he sure isn't going to start once he gets more famous. Especially when he's seen as one of the best right now, can't risk his reputation.

-Rin, He's would rather gut himself with a sword than admit that his mental illness doesn't make him a cool loner wolf and just a lonely person who hasn't healed his inner child. Kind of just wants someone to baby him and tell him everything's going to be alright but in the mean time his barriers are up 24/7. He disdains therapy, thinks that he'd just be seen as a pay check and he kind of isn't wrong. Rin would rather pay money for expensive cleats than spend it for someone to suggest him breathing exercises. He also had a traumacore phase, but he'd rather not talk about it.

#every once in a blue moon my brain works #blue lock #bllk #blue lock headcannons #bllk headcannon #bllk anime #feel free to add on in tags #rin bllk #isagi yoichi #barou blue lock #ego jinpachi #kaiser michael #bachira bllk #hiori yo #niko ikki #ness blue lock #bluelock #chigiri blue lock #bllk fanfic

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comradekatara · 4 months

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Interesting. In your vision, would it have fit more if Mako had been Bolin's agent instead of his teammate? An agent who just so happened to be crazy good at fire bending himself? Bolin could soak up the spotlight, Mako would work behind the scenes on his behalf, just as later he would do the same for Korra. I like your thoughts on Mako being autistic, but I still feel like he needs to bring something unique. Maybe he's the team's spy or organizer?

okay so reiterate for the thousandth time, when i talk about "rewriting" lok to make it good, i'm not suggesting tweaks to the mechanics of the plot to "improve" it, but rather to tease out the preexisting implications of the narrative to make it as compelling as it has the potential to be. when i say that mako could better function to critique the patriarchal neoliberal system that necessitates familial order and exploitation of the marginalized/underclasses to operate, i'm not saying that his position in the show would necessarily need to change, but that his role already suggests these critiques, and that the writers simply lacked the insight to explore their own implications properly. just as when i say that bolin could better function to critique the neocolonial implications of republic city through his relationship to his earthbending as a mixed child, or that the implications of asami's abusive upbringing should have been teased out in a meaningful way, i am not suggesting that the structural elements of their characters be changed, but rather that those elements that are already established simply be explored properly.

mako being a pro-athlete in book 1 actually makes a lot of sense, because unlike bolin, who enjoys the attention such a profession brings (again, could that be tied to his formative trauma of being dismissed and ostracized by society due to his poverty and orphanhood? perhaps!!!!!), mako allows himself to be physically and financially exploited for the possibility of relative stability. before getting this gig, he was homeless, and so allowing himself to be exploited and put his body at risk for the chance to live under a roof (the gym where he works) for the first time since early childhood is his primary motivation for continuing to allow his own exploitation. obviously there are secondary factors, like the fact that he gets to bond with his brother doing something that bolin enjoys, the fact that he's being appreciated for his skillset by beautiful, powerful women (again how many times do i have to say that mako is innocent for fumbling korra and asami like i'm sorry but you would all fumble them too), the fact that he's been reintegrated into a more acceptable social form (by which i mean, no longer doing the books for a street gang). but we see that he doesn't actually make enough money in this career to support himself, that he's being financially exploited as well as physically (we even see him take a second job doing factory labor even more exploitative than the first), so the perks are largely the relative stability (of a nonetheless highly exploitative job) compared to his prior life experiences.

this is an interesting tension! the fact that mako feels like it makes more sense to choose asami over korra due to her wealth (as if korra isn't also immensely materially privileged, which mako even points out to her) is also interesting! book 1 does establish these tensions in mako's character, but never actually goes anywhere with it (hint: the issue rhymes with "shmapitalism"), which is the actual problem. he's not "boring" because his character is weak, but because the actually fascinating implications the writers establish with his character kept being negated by their own poor writing. if the structural critiques being implied throughout lok weren't constantly being veiled by a revolving door of wacky yet forgettable side characters and confusing ideological implications muddling our understanding of its own thesis, the show had the potential to be really good. the animation and music is gorgeous, the fight scenes are beautifully choreographed, the protagonist is deeply lovable, and there are enough compelling aspects to the show buried beneath the rubble of its own failures that teasing them out is genuinely worth exploring. mako, as an ostensible primary character whose role nonetheless largely feels like filler despite being highly compelling on paper, is one such example. so no, i would not change his character, i would simply give him the necessary room to shine.

#mysticarcadehologram-blog #asks #mako #bolin #lok crit #it feels like 2014-2016 all over again.....#(when i was truly so obsessed w this show's missed potential and korrasami also)

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kwop-kilawtley · 1 year

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Bella’s depression months/suicidal tendencies/ hallucinations in New Moon are not “romantic,” sorry. It’s just horrible how traumatized she is. Imagine being a 17 y/o girl who never dated anyone and the first person you date is a mythical creature who essentially is the idea of perfection. It knocks down your self esteem even more, makes you feel embarrassed for not being enough and then after you almost died at the hands of others of his kind, he leaves. Leaves you for dead.

How is it romantic that she now sees no worth in her own humanity? That she deems life useless without him. Then Jacob comes along and makes her see life can be good again. She falls in love with Jacob naturally and effortlessly. If Edward and Bella were truly “fated” and “meant to be,” Bella wouldn’t be so in love with Jacob the way that she is. Jacob is the only person who truly understands her and he would do anything for her. He would protect her and keep her alive.

Bella choosing Edward is literally suicide and allows her to be stunted, to not fix her self esteem issues. Yet this is supposed to be romantic somehow?? The text literally leads you to believe that Bella will grow and get out of her depression with the help of Jacob. And he totally could have because she could’ve been open about the vampire secret since he knew about them too. It only makes sense in my mind she chose him. She actually has fun with him, he understands her personality better than Edward, understands her mind better than Edward. Their love is so intense that she even says she may have actually chosen Jacob if she hadn’t known what losing Edward felt like. She was so deeply traumatized by him leaving she couldn’t even bear the thought of having to heal. But she almost did. She could have.

The fact Bella cannot let Jacob go all throughout Eclipse even after Edward comes back is proof that she’s not fated to be with Edward. Literally no matter how many times I read these books I will never see it that way even though her narrative wants you to believe that in the end. Like sorry but having cutesy quotes and ogling over his physical perfection every second without there really being true reason behind it, just doesn’t hit for me. They were together for mere months and she’s already talking about “I want to be with you forever.” Like yeah that was me in high school too with the first person who ever gave me attention. I didn’t know any better tho. Now pair that with someone who literally hypnotizes humans lol.. yeah she didn’t stand a chance. Yet her lack of autonomy is romantic? Gross. She even says “it’s like Sam & Emily, I never had a choice.” How does anyone find this romantic LMAO.

If Bella had no feelings for Jacob and he had no good aspects of him and he wasn’t trying to keep Bella alive the whole goddamn time then no one would be for Jacob. But she literally is in love with him, it’s just not “magical” bullshit love. Which doesn’t even make sense for her btw. She doesn’t have any development whatsoever. Vampirism is just her bandaid and Jacob and the entire wolfpack are done dirty.

She tries to die and hear voices of her ex who abandoned her yet that’s romantic lmfao. New moon is legit based off of Romeo & Juliet, a tragedy where they both die. Bella & Edward simply shouldn’t have had a happy ending. Naturally it doesn’t make sense that they do, which is why breaking dawn is such a shit show. Because their relationship just doesn’t make sense and only harms them and everyone around them.

& before anyones like “it’s just a fantasy stop analyzing it wahh” no <3 these books shaped my way of viewing relationships as a teenager and it should be talked about how harmful some of the messages in the series are.

#twilight #twilight renaissance #team jacob #jacob x bella #jacob black #new moon #bella swan #bella x jacob

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zerofuckingwaste · 6 months

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Easy zero waste tip no. 6: Find out what caffeinated beverage you actually want/need, then learn how to make it; aka "The Starbucks Lie"

Tl;Dr: You may be misinformed about how coffee actually works, leading you to purchase beverages that you may not actually like, that may not serve the purpose you want them to serve, and you can save money (and the environment!) by learning to make something you'll actually like at home.

Last week, I went to Starbucks to get a pumpkin chai latte, because I'm not perfect and needed to fulfill a craving on a bad day- but at least I used a reusable cup. Anyhow, while I was there, I witnessed the following conversation, not for the first time, nor the last, which I'm sure is commonplace:

Barista: What can I get you?

Customer: Do you have a dark roast? I like my coffee dark.

B: We just have a medium roast ready, but I can do a dark roast pourover.

C: Nah, that's not going to be enough caffeine for me, and I need drip coffee, not anything fancy. I'll have an Americano, then- espresso beans should be high enough in caffeine!

Now, if this seems like a reasonable exchange, that's ok- you're likely not a trained barista, and even if you are, there's a chance your training was at least a little bit wrong. Let's walk through it point by point, to explain why this exchange made me want to tear my hair out of my head.

"I like my coffee dark!" Most likely, this is false- studies have shown that people are most likely to say they want dark coffee, when they actually most enjoy a lighter or medium roast. Darker roasts are bitter, partially due to having more tannins- which is why they can cause more side effects, like headaches and digestive issues.

"Not enough caffeine" In fact, the longer (darker) you roast coffee, the more caffeine it loses. If you want a highly caffeinated beverage, you should opt for the lightest roast available.

"I need drip coffee, not anything fancy (pourover)" Pourover is essentially a method of making drip coffee one cup at a time. No machine or anything, it's the least fancy coffee option possible.

"Espresso beans should have high enough caffeine" The beans used for espresso are the same as the beans used for the drip coffee- they're just ground more finely before going through the machine.

"An Americano [...] should have enough caffeine" An Americano is a double shot with hot water, about 160 mg of caffeine if you're getting a 'grande'. A drip coffee that same size is over 300 mg.

This man claimed to love coffee, but didn't understand anything about it, leading him to pay $4.39 for 160 mg of caffeine instead of $3.28 for almost double that- keeping in mind that number could easily have been doubled again had he opted for the lighter roast. So, let's fix that.

1. Light or Dark Roast?

Have you ever wondered why Starbucks has a medium roast, the Pike Place, as their go to roast all the time? It's because it's the most middle of the road, bland option, completely inoffensive- not very good, but also, not too bad. It's a blend from a bunch of places, so there's no overwhelming flavor besides coffee with a slight hint of being burned. That burn taste everyone complains about, btw, is a result of the roast being too dark for them, hello tannins!

A lot of things happen to coffee as you roast it. Let's go through each point one by one:

The color changes. The darker the roast, the darker the roast- literally. This is best gauged with ground coffee, where you can see the average of the whole bean, not just the outer shell.

The mass decreases due to a loss of moisture. However, the bean actually expands in volume due to the strength of the cell walls. In essence, the density decreases.

Oils seep out from inside of the beans, coating them, and protecting volatile chemical compounds that give them flavor.

The caffeine content is lessened the longer you roast.

With high heat, the Maillard reaction occurs. While this reaction is responsible for the lovely color and the viscous, dark flavor notes, it's also responsible for breaking down the citric and tartaric acid, which causes the sweet and fruity flavors to dissipate. It also breaks down chlorogenic acid, creating caffeic acid and quinic acid, aka bitter, bitter tastes.

High heat also causes caramelization of sugars- but at a certain point, those sugars start to burn away.

Taking all this into consideration, we can begin to figure out what kinds of coffee you'll actually like. One quick note: always get single origin coffees. Each region has its own flavors, and if you're only getting coffee from one spot in your cup, then those notes will be amplified for your enjoyment.

A dark roast will have less caffeine, a stronger coffee bitterness, and very simple, up front flavors: chocolate, nuts, smoke, wood, etc. (My favorite tastes like dark chocolate with a hint of hickory)

A light roast will have more caffeine, a lesser amount of bitterness, and very complex, more nuanced flavors: citrus, caramels, fruits, florals, etc. (My favorite tastes like blueberries and white chocolate, with notes of almonds)

No two coffees are alike. My recommendation is that you purchase a bag of whole beans from your favorite local cafe or roaster based on your caffeine needs, and try out different beans until you find one- or two, or five, or a dozen- that you really love.

One quick note- a much, much greater flavor difference can be found in aerobic v. anaerobic roasted beans. I recommend reading into this process on your own, it's fascinating- both of my favorite coffees are anaerobic roasts, as it happens.

2. How should I make my coffee?

I'm a big fan of the affogato. I'm a dessert for breakfast kind of gal, so it makes sense; a hefty double shot over a scoop of ice cream. Absolutely divine; I pretty much only do espresso for myself, although my partner greatly prefers French press.

The overall rule for caffeine in your coffee is that the finer the grind, the more caffeine you're going to get out of the bean. That being said, that doesn't mean the final product will actually have more caffeine than another method, as different ways of making coffee require different amounts of coffee grounds. Keep the ratio of grounds to water in mind for this reason. However, you must remember that the perceived strength of the beverage- the concentration of flavors- is not necessarily correlated to the amount of caffeine. I'll now go over a few methods of making coffee which can be 100% zero waste (assuming you compost those coffee grounds!).

Cold Brew- You either let grounds freely float in water, or let them steep inside of a little filter bag. Let it rest overnight, up to 48 hours. If you like your coffee cold, and not a lot of effort, this might be your best bet.

Pourover- You put grounds into a little filter over either your cup or a pitcher. Pour water over the filter and let it drip down. If you like having a calming morning ritual, this might be for you. Essentially the same as drip coffee, except you don't have to care about a machine.

French press- You put grounds in the bottom of the press, then fill with hot water, and let it steep for a few minutes, then press the grounds down. If you don't mind a little work every morning, waiting a few minutes (when you could prep your breakfast, perhaps) then give this a go.

Moka pot- You pour water into the base, then put grounds into the basket, then screw on the top. Place on the stovetop, and remove as soon as the coffee begins to come out of the spout within. If you like a strong cup but don't want to invest in espresso, this is a great option. The pressure is too low for it to be true espresso, but it's very good.

Manual espresso- This is a bit more complex. It will be the same as automatic espresso, except there's no chance of the machine failing for any electronic reason. You fill a little basket with grounds, then tamp them down. Water is brought to temperature, then pressed through the espresso at a relatively high psi. If you want espresso, this is the way. You can get an entry level (Flair makes several that are fantastic) or you can get something high end with a built in boiler (I have a La Pavoni with an attached steam wand, great purchase).

Automatic espresso- Essentially the same as manual, but the machine does the pressing for you. If you love espresso but don't want to do a lot of work for it, this is a great investment! If you can buy used, do- just make sure the brand is one that offers replacement parts.

There are plenty of other options, but these are a good place to get started, when figuring out what works for you.

3. Why do I want my coffee?

Are you looking for a caffeine boost to get through a rough workday? Do you want something sweet to accompany your breakfast? Are you just bored?

Figure out why you want your coffee, then tailor your morning experience to your needs. If you need a caffeine boost for a rough workday, maybe don't do anything time consuming- prepare a middle of the road medium roast cold brew for the week on Sunday, and go ahead and grab a glass in your hurry out the door each morning. If you want something sweet with breakfast, get a light roast and a French press, and make it part of the routine for the meal. If you're bored, do pourover with a dark roast into a funky mug, or learn to steam milk to make latte art.

Really, coffee is something lovely, that you should enjoy, without mindlessly spending money on something that's not even good. As a bonus, you can support local businesses (coffee roasters and cafes), develop a new skill, and better the environment.

#zero waste #sustainability #anti consumerism #anti consumption #sustainable #eco friendly #environment #cooking #food #kitchen #coffee #cafe #barista #coffee maker #coffee machine #espresso

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lakesbian · 11 months

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i would actually like to write canon-compliant brian suffering to fill in the brian gap wildbow left at the end like a dumbass but i don't think i can get in the head of someone with his specific brand of issues well. i love him though. personally i think he did actually have time to get off the oil rig he just looked up and saw the light and couldn't bring himself to care enough to run this time. personally i think hes friends with taylor and alec in the undersiders who killed themselves for emotional development reasons club. except w/ him there wasn't even a catharsis element to it he was just tired. 0 emotional development involved actually he was just so so tired. and then he ends up getting dug out of the grave later anyway (permanent skeleton rebirthmarks on brian my best friend permanent skeleton rebirthmarks on brian) and feels like a dead man walking and everyone can Literally see it on his face. and he finds out he didn't fuck aisha up as bad as he thought he did. and he finds out taylor pulled a final taylor moment and feels like they were always sort of similar people (i.e horribly insecure and sad and desperately control-freaking + carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders to feel even slightly okay about being alive) and sort of dedicates his second chance to healing in the way they both deserved to. and rachel continues taking taylor's advice and gives him a puppy 2 take care of. which is actually very helpful i think puppy cuddles could help him a little bit. anyway i'm way off topic but that's what ward is about to me. i think brian should get to have his aisha reunion and meet the heartbroken and be like Oh God. You Turned Into Me. which aisha VEHEMENTLY denies despite standing there with her cornrows and blatantly brian-style leather jacket. i think it would be good for him to be around children so awful he can't compulsively manage them even if he wants to and he just has to watch his little sister (who turned out okay and actually says things like 'i missed you' and 'love you' now) Be An Okayishly Adjusted Adult abt said children. do you understand my vision thisis what ward is about in the good world to me. worlds saddest ever guy brian having nice things. please

#scarf don't look #worm spoilers

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rubykgrant · 6 months

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(Segment of my story, How It Feels, with Jon and Martin recovering at Daisy's cabin after leaving London, and before the Eye Apocalypse happens. This in particular focuses on Martin, how he's changed since being in the Lonely, and how he is also still himself. This involves tooth loss and feelings of depression/disassociation, but isn't gory, and leans more toward being comforting. Inspired by the art of @lonelyslutavatar ~)

Jon is quite proud of himself for responding to Martin in a very calm manner, instead of rushing in and assuming the worst.

The calm quickly shatters when he sees Martin standing in the bathroom, face a mix of embarrassed and worried, holding two teeth in the palm of his hand.

Several teeth-related horror stories from past statements flash into Jon’s mind (the apple, a few dozen about some sort of “evil tooth fairy” that were probably not real but still upsetting, and several connected to the Flesh and the Hunt). Jon nearly starts to panic as well, but somehow he composes himself, and moves slowly, helping Martin sit down on the lid of the toilet, and begins trying to figure this out.

Martin has some pain in his jaw, but nothing feels “broken”, and there isn’t any blood. The teeth look “fine”, except for the fact that they aren’t where they should be. Jon asks Martin to open his mouth, and it doesn’t appear as if anything is infected or irritated. To be thorough, Jon runs to get a small torch.

“I’m VERY close to freaking out! Just so you know!” Martin says, loudly.

“Yes, I’m- I’m sorry, I’ll be there in a-”

“ANOTHER ONE JUST CAME LOOSE!” Martin is able to spit it out before yelling the news to Jon. He does NOT want to swallow any of his teeth.

“I’M COMING BACK! HERE! HERE I AM!” Jon stumbles to a stop at the small door, and walks back in carefully.

This time, Martin opens his mouth WIDE, and Jon shines the little light to see properly.

“Oh,” Jon says after a moment.

“Oh? Oh, WHA?” Martin asks, making sure his mouth doesn’t close.

“Oh, um… I sort of see the- er, the issue?” Jon answers, without actually giving Martin a real answer.

“Wha ih ih?” What is it?

“Well, I can see the empty areas, where your teeth were, and… it looks like something is, er- pushing them out?” Jon elaborates. Martin finds this description unhelpful and worrisome.

“UH HUH UH AH EEE?!” The fuck does that mean?! Good God, what was in his mouth?

“Sorry! There are NEW teeth coming in! Like- like when we lose our baby teeth, and-”

“I AREHEE AH I AHEE HEE! HOW OOH I HAH OR!?” Martin demands, and after a brief second of trying to translate it in his head, Jon realizes Martin has just said- “I already lost my baby teeth! How do I have more!?”.

“Uhh…” before Jon can say anything else, two more teeth fall out, helped by Martin’s attempts to talk. These were from his top row, on the left side. They completely leave Martin’s mouth, and land in his lap. Martin groans, irritated. Jon tries to speak again, before something else distracts him. “If- I had to guess, which is all I’m doing, I’m sorry, this- this might be like your OWN spooky puberty?”

Martin groans again, giving Jon a glare.

“You were working with- hell I’m just saying his name, Peter, you were working with Peter for a while, and before that you were working at the Institute. That changed all of us, a little bit, but Peter really pushed you along, and… what finally made me change and become something more than just human was- I died. Sort of. When I was in that coma, I was pretty close to being dead, but then I came back. You were… you were almost ready to fade away when I finally found you, and then you came back. I think you might have become something more than just human,” Jon pauses a moment, to let Martin have a chance to understand what he’s saying… and because another tooth falls out. “And we saw what happens to ME when I don't feed on any statements, so… you haven’t been doing anything at all when it comes feeding what you are connected to,”

Jon places his hand on Martin’s cheek and turns off the torch, letting Martin know he can close his mouth again. Martin does so, and then immediately gives an angry huff, spitting still another tooth into his hand. He gathers up the rest in his lap, so he’s holding all of them together.

“What the hell. The isn’t FAIR. Your- your eyeballs didn’t fall out when YOU changed! And why my TEETH?! Am I supposed to start eating people? Peter didn’t even do that!” Martin blinks a few times, uncertain. “I mean, I never SAW him to that…”

“This might not be so LITERAL. I doubt this is a sign you need to actually eat anybody-”

“Pff, whatever, you don’t KNOW…” Martin scoffs.

“What I mean is- sometimes when people like us change, it isn’t always straight-forward. This might be more… like it symbolically represents the way loneliness can, er- consume you? Eat you up?” Jon is leaning back against the wall opposite Martin, arms crossed anxiously. He hunches his shoulders up, as if to shrug in a way that asks for approval.

Martin does not exactly “approve”, but unfortunately, he’s beginning to see that Jon may have a point. He also remembers that nightmare he had, as if it had been some kind of “punishment” for rejecting the Lonely. The fact that Martin can now remember Peter purposefully pulling him into the Lonely to avoid true and permanent death added up as well. Did the Eye punish Jon when he wouldn’t feed it new fear? Yes, he supposes so.

“Wonderful. So my teeth are falling out as a METAPHOR. And what am I even supposed to DO about it? Read statements that are relevant to feeling forlorn and isolated?” Martin now feels THREE teeth pop loose. Great. More to add to the collection in his hands.

“Perhaps not…” Jon ventures another guess. “That’s sort of the specific thing I’m stuck doing. And it started even before the coma, remember? So maybe- was there anything you did while working with Peter that might have been related to feeding this particular kind of fear? It might have even been something that seemed almost normal, but the more it happened, the more it had an affect on you, and when you stopped, you felt strange?”

Martin’s first reaction is to just say NO, because he’s in an ornery mood (Why shouldn’t he be moody? His teeth are falling out! He has a right!). Instead, he tries to give Jon’s question some real thought…

When Jon was still in the coma, and Peter first became the “new boss”, Martin had initially tried to take on more responsibility as a way to shield other people from the problems that came from working so closely with… a man like that. The most unnerving part was how pleasant Peter seemed. He often asked Martin to come along as his personal assistant when he went on various errands; some were clearly for meeting with other unusual people part of the whole Fear situation, while others were part of the more normal side of business for the Magnus Institute.

These people, in either situation, would usually not even acknowledge Martin at all until Peter made a point to turn to him, ask a question or make a request, and then they’d startle to see there was a WHOLE man there beside Peter. When Martin got more used to it all, he’d speak up on his own, blatantly pointing out when somebody was giving Peter incorrect information or outright lying. In those moments, they were not only surprised that Martin existed, they were suddenly INTIMIDATED by him.

Peter was very amused by this, and proudly complimented Martin on being so “accomplished”.

Yeah, that may have been how this started.

Martin was well practiced at going unnoticed, keeping quiet, fading into the background. That was a good way to keep yourself safe. It was also a good way to be lonely. The shock of suddenly being given attention no doubt fed Peter’s patron Fear plenty of Martin’s own nervous energy… and when Martin did it on purpose, making himself known with an aloof sort of confidence, it caused unease in other people. The Lonely probably loved feeding on all that.

That was the start… but what turned it into a pattern, something that Martin had to continue doing, and also something that he did without thinking about it?

It finally occurs to Martin that what was happening when he first left the Lonely might be a hint; the sleepwalking. That never happened back in London, not exactly. However… very often, when Martin left the hospital after visiting Jon, or took a break in the evening in the middle of working late, he would walk through the city and let his mind wander.

No, that was putting it mildly. He’d feel a growing disconnect from his own feelings and thoughts, and whatever remained gave him a sense of bored contempt, if anything.

He blended into the crowds, but still wasn’t “part” of it all. Martin remained separate, even in the shared experience of riding the bus or waiting for a light to change.

Occasionally he would pop into a store and use the self check-out lane, or even a bar with no intention to mingle or drink, and he would go unnoticed.

All around him, he would see people talking to each other, or chatting on calls, crying over break-ups, getting into arguments, lying about what they were doing, waiting to meet somebody who wasn’t coming, staring at displays in stores of things they longed to buy but couldn’t afford, getting frustrated after searching for a job all day, trying to be funny for friends or deal with a stressful visit with family… Martin could nearly picture himself, as if looking on from another point of view, and he was nothing but a nameless face on the street.

Obscure and forgettable. Martin would walk on, automatically, no effort in reaching his destination. It was eventual and certain. He may as well be a memory, instead of somebody who was still there.

Then he would be back at the Institute, or at home, and his thoughts would click back into place. Maybe he’d take a shower, or have something to eat. If it wasn’t too late and he was done with research or paperwork, he’d watch something on TV. It was alright. Mostly.

In the current situation, with Martin sitting on the toilet in a bathroom of a safehouse in Scotland, trying to figure out why he’s losing his teeth… he thinks that he’s finally connected some dots, and sees the bigger picture.

“Yeah… well, um- I guess maybe when I would walk around London and sort of lose myself in groups of people, without interacting with anybody, that was possibly like feeding on loneliness. So. Maybe I just need to do THAT again,” Martin looks up at Jon again, now the one checking to see if what he’s saying makes any sense.

“Hmm… it might work when you go out to buy us supplies. You’ll be around people again, and- whatever lonely feelings they have,” Jon nods, though he doesn’t look happy about it. That’s fine. Martin isn’t happy, either.

“What if I… Jon, when you got REALLY bad, you compelled people to talk about things when they didn’t want to. What if I VANISH somebody? What if I can’t control this?” Martin asks, and as soon as he closes his mouth, he has to spit three more teeth into his hand.

“That is upsetting, I know…” Jon replies, reaching out one hand to place on Martin’s shoulder. “But, listen- a few days after I started to really try and rein myself in, one of the people I compelled actually showed up at the Institute again. I was… well, I- erm…”

“You were outside, sneaking a smoke,” Martin guesses.

“Yes, FINE. Anyway, I thought they were still having problems because of me, and I immediately apologized and assured them it wouldn't happen again. I was honestly sort of distressed about that, I didn’t want to go find everybody I had compelled, because seeing me might just make them even MORE afraid, but I still wanted to say I was sorry… well, this person told me they only came there to explain they weren't angry with me. They didn't forgive me exactly, but-,”

“What, they wanted to rescind what they said before? Like, withdraw the complaint?” Martin raises his eyebrows at this.

“Something like that. They told me… they weren’t having nightmares anymore, about me OR what I made them talk about. It had faded after a while. They also told me that it sort of helped, in a weird way, to finally confront something they’d been ignoring for so long. And now they knew, the world had scary things in it, that was REAL, and they weren’t crazy for wanting to be careful…” Jon sees Martin wants to jump into the conversation, but has to pause to catch another tooth that has escaped. Jon continues talking, knowing what Martin was going to ask.

“The reason I didn’t say anything at the time- I didn’t want it to seem like I was making excuses. Oh, this person says the nightmares stopped and they faced their fears, this means nobody should be mad at me anymore! Hell, no. I still forced people to share private thoughts and experiences against their will, and that wasn’t right. I’m only telling you this NOW because I’m hoping that you being around people in public, absorbing whatever you need, THAT will be more like when I read the statements. The fear and the hurt already happened. You aren’t making it worse. If you keep ignoring this hunger, then… it will most likely get more intense, but even if that happens, you still might not vanish somebody to death. People even escaped from what Peter did, occasionally. I just don’t want you to feel… hopeless,”

“OK… yeah, OK. This is still pretty fucked, though,” Martin says, trying to steady his breathing.

“Yes. And it will probably continue to be fucked. But we can try to help each other feel better,” Jon smiles down at Martin, and somehow, that makes a tense knot in his chest loosen.

Jon waits with Martin as the last few teeth come loose, and gets a small glass jar for them. After some “Should I leave them under my pillow?” jokes, Jon grabs the small torch again to see what the situation is with Martin’s new set of teeth…

“You really don’t feel them growing in?”

“Uh-uh,” Martin may not physically feel the teeth coming into place, but he has noticed that the ache in his jaw is gone, and the weird grinding has stopped (that was probably his weird new “spooky” bones making room for his weird new “spooky” teeth. This sounded like such a stupid problem when he thought of it that way, but there just wasn’t a better term unfortunately).

“Well, they’re almost all here, and- they’re sharp! Martin, your new teeth are POINTY!” Jon uses his hand not holding the torch to tilt Martin’s head back slightly.

“WHA? LIE A HA-HIRE?” What? Like a vampire?

“No, not like that… you don’t have fangs, exactly… oh lord, I can see them rising up!” Jon says, and now Martin is starting to get annoyed that he sounds EXCITED about this. “They’re wider, and sort of flat… Martin, I think these are like- like shark teeth!”

Jon has set the torch aside, and is now holding Martin’s head with both his hands, leaning him back even more so the light from the ceiling shines into Martin’s mouth. Jon is pushing aside Martin’s upper lip to see the teeth as they move through the gum better, and that is IT, Martin is DONE.

“GEH YER FEE-HERS OW UH I OW!” before Jon can translate that into “Get your fingers out of my mouth!”, Martin actually SNARLS as a final warning, Jon whips his hands away, and just to be dramatic, Martin CHOMPS his mouth shut.

His new teeth are officially finished growing in; all the severe ridges fit together. Sharp, solid, and strong.

Shark teeth... really? Was that just the Lukas Brand? Martin has to turn half-way into a SEA MONSTER? For the aesthetic?

Jon knows Martin wasn’t actually going to bite him… and Martin knows that Jon knows this. Which is why Jon still looks more fascinated than afraid of Martin’s new MONSTER TEETH, and that just makes Martin want to try and snap at him again. Jon can see that as well, and he starts to snort laughter. Martin wishes he was strong enough to stay furious, but the corners of his mouth betray him, curving into a smile.

Yep. All his human adult teeth fell out, he’s got weird spooky shark teeth now, he’s damn near close to laughing about it. He must be mad. Oh, well. So is Jon.

#tma #the magnus archives #jmart #jonmartin

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imperatorrrrr · 4 months

Text

You Know What? Fuck It. Here’s my Fuck Lindy Ruff Manifesto.

Alexander Holtz - For a coach who was hired and praised for his ability to mold the youth and allow them to make mistakes and grow and give them grace and patience, he surely is doing the exact opposite with Alexander Holtz. I understand the want to make him a well rounded player who is solid defensively, but to continuously put him on the fourth line and bench him or limit his ice time is actually ludicrous. He has proven himself all season with the limited minutes and the shitty lines he’s been on. He’s a pure goal scorer. Let him do what his fucking innate skill is. Stop trying to make him into a player he’s not and then punishing him for not being exactly the player he’s not supposed to be anyway.

Player Usage Generally - I don’t think he actually understands the strengths of the players he’s coaching. He doesn’t know when to use them or where or how. Why is Timo constantly playing on his off wing? Why isn’t Holtz’s shot consistently on one of the power play units? Why does he not know what to do with Nico? Does he fail to understand that Nico isn’t just a defensive forward? Does he not realize Nico was a Selke finalist because of his offense AND defense? And how about Nico being one of the main factors in Taylor Hall’s Hart trophy win? How do you look at Nico Hischier as a player and not give him actual fucking goal scorers on his wings? Like why was Nico being deployed on a damn checking line? Like is he blind?! His overuse of Brendan Smith. Last season his benching and scratching of players like Shango or Siegs. His fucking goaltending decisions.

Timeouts - Why does he refuse to use timeouts. When your team has just given up three consecutive goals on three shots, when your team gives up its two goal lead and then is losing altogether, when the other team scores in bunches against us. How do you not call a time out? Use that time to slow the other team’s momentum. Use it to get the team out of their heads. To regroup. Anything.

Slow Starts - For two straight seasons we have rarely if ever been ready to play at puck drop. That is a coaching issue. Or at the very least a problem that needs to be addressed by the coach if it’s not his fault. How has it been a season and a half and he hasn’t fixed this.

Home Record - Another multi-season issue. Why has he not been able to address or fix or make any progress on the fact that the boys can’t put a solid effort together in front of a home crowd. They’re an amazing road team but they get to the Rock and it’s never as easy.

Player Treatment - Players are not treated the same. Luke and Nemo are constantly allowed to mess up, which good! Holtz, however is benched. It’s been happening for two seasons at least actually probably longer. If you’re gonna be punishing type coach then do that and do it with everyone. If you’re gonna be a coach that gives people a chance to make mistakes and still go out there again then do that! He has never treated players equally. There have always been guys that get away with murder while others are benched instantly. Two players can make the same exact mistake and only one gets benched. Explain the logic. Treat your guys equally!

Lack of Adaptability - When teams figure us out, Lindy has no solutions. He thinks doing a line blender will solve everything, but it doesn’t. You need to be able to change game plans and adapt quickly and he just doesn’t. Same with our season of injuries. He’s trying to hide behind the fact that we aren’t playing as well due to our treasure trove of injuries this season, but if your entire play style is around one or two players and you can’t coach this incredibly deep and talented roster to wins in the absence of the Jacks and the Nicos then that’s a coaching problem. This team should not crumple without Jack.

Line Changes - Fairly certain we have the most too many men on the ice penalties in the league because we can’t complete a damn line change properly. Also so many of the high danger chances against or goals against come off of bad line changes or slow line changes. That’s such an easy fix Lindy! Fucking do your job!

Physicality v. Skill - I think Lindy prefers the old school style of hockey and values players that bring grit and physicality that’s why he was so high on Miles Wood. It’s why he’s high on McLeod. It’s why my beloved Nate is being promoted to third line when Holtzy is on the fourth line. It’s why Brendan Smith is getting starts. But this team and this league is moving past that style of play. You have some of the most skilled players on this team when it comes to the puck: Jack, Jesp, Nico, etc. Your team identity and the way you play needs to prioritize that skill. I’m not saying physicality is bad but it’s not the focus on this team. Lindy tried to change this teams identity with the first two games of the Rags playoff series and look what happened. When we played our game then we shut out the Rags TWICE during a playoff series.

I’m sure I’m missing some massive points, but I’ll leave it at this.

Goodnight.

#New Jersey Devils #Lindy Ruff #Devils #NJD #NJ Devils #this is because of that post game presser Lindy gave #it got me all heated #Text

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