#but this still feels relevant to those who want to hear Literally Anything about volume 10

[monarchisms]

[x]

#made this as a meme because no one else did afaik #now to tag some stuff that was mentioned here #achievement hunter #rooster teeth #roosterteeth #camp camp #red vs blue #rvb #rwby #rwby wasn't mentioned in the email #but this still feels relevant to those who want to hear Literally Anything about volume 10 #or the future of the show in general #anyways. to my fellow former rt girlies (gender neutral) #how are we feeling.......................... #rtx 2024

[misstrashchan]

"This must be really hard on her too"

That line... has been forever stuck on a loop in my head ever since I first heard it. That it's the last thing they say, that they take away about Ruby as a person in that scene. Especially while watching V9, and just how much everything has been weighing down on Ruby, and her tendency to repress her negative emotions and refuse to take time to let herself feel them and reflect is now being unpacked and examined much closer as the Ever After functions in such a way that she will literally get nowhere unless she looks inside herself, this scene has again been swimming to the surface of my mind, and it's just something I feel like revisiting.

(also it's rg white day today so, I'm legally allowed to be insufferable about Them, though this is in part relevant to V9 in regards to Ruby)

Most other people who have met and know Ruby just kind of accept that she is who she is, or very quickly come to. She's The Hero. The Leader. The Spark Of Hope Everyone is Inspired By. We rarely see her talk about her personal feelings and motivations, and it's never really called into question besides being touched upon briefly in her first meeting with Ozpin and Blake in the first volume about why she wants to be a huntress:

Ozpin: And what is an adorable girl such as yourself doing at a school designed to train warriors?

Ruby: Well... I want to be a Huntress.

Ozpin: You want to slay monsters?

Ruby: Yeah! I only have two more years of training left at Signal! And then I'm going to apply to Beacon! You see, my sister's starting there this year, and she's trying to become a Huntress, and I'm trying to become a Huntress 'cause I wanna help people. My parents always taught us to help others, so I thought, Hey, I might as well make a career out of it!

(1x01)

Ruby: I love books. Yang used to read to me every night before bed. Stories of heroes and monsters... They're one of the reasons I want to be a Huntress!

Blake: And why is that? Hoping you'll live happily ever after?

Ruby: Well, I'm hoping we all will. As a girl, I wanted to be just like those heroes in the books... Someone who fought for what was right, and protected people who couldn't protect themselves!

Blake: That's... very ambitious for a child. Unfortunately, the real world isn't the same as a fairy tale.

Ruby: Well, that's why we're here! To make it better.

(1x03)

...With further insight from Yang at times:

Yang: I'm not like Ruby, she's always wanted to be a Huntress. It's like she said, ever since she was a kid, she'd dreamt about being the heroes in the books. Helping people and saving the day, and never asking for anything else in return.

(2x10)

But rarely do we see Ruby open up about herself as an individual and her struggles, and even rarer still is the occasion someone prompts her too.

And so it's always stuck out to me that in 5x05 she gets asked the questions that... no one else has really asked her before.

"How do you handle all of this?"

"How can you be so confident?"

"How are you okay with any of this?"

In the Dojo scene (5x05) when we see Oscar pick up on Ruby trying to hide how sad she is (after being reminded of Penny's death) while trying to encourage Oscar, we see her recompose herself, interrupt Oscar when he starts to ask a question after noticing her sullen expression, and then she tries to leave, excusing herself awkwardly.

"Well, see you upstairs"

(very subtle Ruby) but before she can do so, Oscar finds he has to ask:

"How do you handle all of this?"

A question she initially doesn't... actually answer. She very deliberately avoids talking about herself, her own feelings, and how she's been handling all this. Instead she focuses on reassuring Oscar at first, saying what she thinks will make him feel better after hearing him elaborate, confiding in her about how afraid and overwhelmed he is by his current situation.

"I'm... scared. I'm more scared than I've ever been in my life, than I ever thought was possible. I always knew that I wanted to be more than a farmhand, but this?"

"...Who would ask for this?"

Oscar didn't really have a choice in being pulled into the war with Salem and becoming a huntsman, he was reluctantly pulled into it by Ozpin. WBY and JNR decide to join the fight because they're inspired by Ruby and following her as a leader.

...So why does Ruby willingly ask and choose to be a huntress? Why did she freely leave home? Why would she choose to risk her life in this fight against Salem and to take on the responsibility of saving the world? (It certainly doesn't feel like a coincidence that these questions are being revisited in one way or another in V9)

Ruby gives him a very generalised answer in response to his question at first that talks about everyone as a group, and leaves out talking about herself as an individual specifically:

"We all went to Beacon because we wanted to help people"

"None of us chose this either"

"We just have to press on"

And you can see Oscar's expression growing more frustrated as he's facing away from Ruby, because that's not an answer to the question he actually asked. Because he asked about how Ruby as an individual is handling all of this. Ruby genuinely wants to reassure Oscar, but to him it comes across as insincere, like she's putting up a facade, especially since he saw only a moment ago that she was on the verge of tears and clearly upset about something, so he knows she's not being honest about how she's feeling when Oscar asks her how she's handling all of this.

And so he snaps and pushes back:

"How can you be so confident? People have tried to kill you, the world's about to go to war all over again, how are you okay with any of this?!"

(*glances at the v8 finale and v9* boi howdy those words sure do have a different weight to them now huh)

And while realising he may have been too harsh or blunt and later apologizes, it actually does succeed in getting Ruby to reflect a little and confide in him what she'd been through at the FoB and her losing Pyrrha and Penny, her own doubts and fears about the fight with Salem, and how it had shaped her resolve moving forward.

"When Beacon fell, I lost two of my friends: Penny Polendina and Pyrrha Nikos. I didn't know them for very long, but that doesn't change the fact that they were two of the most kind-hearted people I have ever met. But that didn't save them. Pyrrha thought that if there was even the smallest chance of helping someone, then it was a chance worth taking. And because of that, she died fighting a battle she knew she couldn't win. And Penny... was killed... just to make a statement."

"I am scared! But not just for me. What happened at Beacon shows that Salem doesn't care if you're standing against her or not. She'll kill anybody. And that, scares me most of all. Pyrrha... Penny... I'd be lying if I said it didn't hurt. That I didn't think about them everyday since I lost them. That I didn't wish I had spent more time with them. If it had been me instead, I know they would have kept fighting too. No matter how dangerous it was. So that's what I choose to do. To keep moving forward."

And again, what stands out to me is that the last thing Oscar takes away from his conversation with Ruby in the Dojo isn't... how inspiring she is or his admiration and respect for her (though he very clearly has that too, "she must've been one of the best huntresses at beacon!"). The last thing he says in this scene, the last thing he takes away is instead this:

"This must be really hard on her too."

The more time that passes through the series and seeing Ruby slowly put under more and more pressure, and stretching herself thinner over time, (like her semblance evolves so she can break herself down to carry others in V8, and in V9 her friends have been shrunk down and she is the one responsible for carrying her team on her shoulders) to help others and save everyone and yet still fail and lose those close to her, and having to just keep trying, keep moving forward no matter what, never stopping or slowing down even if there is no clear end she can see is heartbreaking and exhausting.

And it just makes rewatching the Dojo scene hit even harder. Because yes Oscar! It really is hard on her too! And it was so damn satisfying to have someone see and acknowledge that as well as admiring her and being inspired by her. Being moved by both her strength of character AND her vulnerability. And so it's noteworthy that Oscar is the one who does this, and who pushed her to open up, even just a little, about her grief over the FoB and fears about the fight with Salem.

Especially considering the visual framing of Ruby opening up to Oscar about what she's been through while standing in an open door frame exposed to the outside cementing that as the purpose of the scene: (she is literally opening up to him)

And the fact that Oscar has a kind of a different response from when we've usually seen Ruby comfort, reassure and inspire someone before. Usually it causes them to reflect on themselves and their own struggles, (like with Blake, Jaune, Penny and Qrow) not also on hers as well.

Even with those she has a mutual sense of understanding and solidarity with, like Blake (because of their ideals) and Jaune (because of both of them sharing the responsibility of being leaders) the way they comfort and uplift her in turn when they see her doubting herself is often a double edged sword.

Jaune: You didn't drag us out here. You gave us the courage to follow you.

(4x10)

Blake: I know you don't always know what to do, but that's never stopped you from doing something. I've always looked up to you Ruby.

(8x08)

Yang and Qrow also do this, and it comes with the additional punch of comparing Ruby to Summer as an ideal she strives to be:

Yang: Mom took a risk the day she left, and I don’t think. I don’t think it went the way she wanted it to. But she’s still my hero.

(8x11)

(Summer was Yang's hero, and now Ruby is too, so she has to try to live up to that)

Ruby: This says I'm a Huntress now. But I don't feel like I know much more than I did at Beacon.

Qrow: That feeling never goes away. Your mom, Summer, would be proud of you.

Ruby: What do you think she would've done if she learned the truth about Salem? That she can't be destroyed.

Qrow: Pressed on, I think. Like you. She was always the best of us.

(7x04)

(if Summer would've pressed on, then Ruby has to keep doing that too. If she was the best, then Ruby has to be the best.)

Because, and I want to make this clear, I think Ruby appreciates and is greatful for how much they believe in her and look up to her, and it absolutely does inspire her to keep moving forward, to stand up and fight even when she's doubting herself. But it also... unintentionally places more pressure on her to try and live up to those expectations, and it deprives her of an equal, of someone to relate to and help share her burden instead of upholding her on a pedestal and having unwavering faith in her as the smaller soul everyone looks to. To bottle up her negative feelings because well, everyone believes in her as this optimistic leader who is this endless source of hope and inspiration to everyone around her, and everyone needs her to Keep Being That, and that's more important, right? She can't let them down, right?

"It's up to you to make things better, isn't it? Everything all depends on you! Your sister needs you, your friends need you. The whole world needs you to keep fighting forever and ever against an invincible monster that took your mother!"

(9x04)

Ironically, this (in part) comes back to the person who reinforced this flawed mentality in Ruby in the first place. Ozpin.

"But if you aren't always performing at your best, what reason do you give others to follow you?"

(1x10)

This was genuinely good advice for Ruby's situation at the time in V1 after her conflict with Weiss, to take her role as leader more seriously, and well intentioned I'm sure. But in the long run? Ruby has been basing her self worth on how much she can give or do for others. On being that perfect leader.

Ruby feels like she constantly needs to be a pillar of strength and support for everyone around her as a the ever-cheerful and inspiring leader, that she has to prioritize them over herself, and if she lets herself admit how much she's hurting or how scared she is, she'd be afraid of those around her losing faith. What reason would they have to follow her if she failed them like that? Thus as a result, she struggles allowing herself to open up about her own feelings and to rely on others for emotional support. And as we've starting seeing recently, bottles it up until she reaches breaking point.

Another element to consider, and there might be an earlier or more obvious indication of this, but I started to notice it in V2 when she's visibly the most depressed and worried about Blake's behaviour as she's spiralling and overworking herself, saying the party is pointless if they can't get Blake to go.

"Date or no date, none of this will matter if we can't get Blake to go."

(2x05)

Yang and Weiss are also both concerned for Blake's wellbeing, but they're also excited about the dance for themselves, (Yang talking about what dress she's going to wear, Weiss about her date, what decorations they should have, etc.) which we see when they're planning the party. For Ruby, the only point of the dance is to cheer Blake up, to get her to relax.

"What's the point? Who cares about the dance if Blake isn't going?"

(2x06)

But then Yang convinces Blake she needs to take time for herself and relax, and when Blake shows up at the party, afterwards Ruby is... then completely stumped when she no longer has someone to worry over, and ironically struggles to relax or enjoy herself at the party like everyone else.

Blake neglected her physical needs to push herself, while Ruby appears to neglect her own emotional needs. She focuses on other people's problems and struggles, concerns herself with their wellbeing and happiness, and we don't really see her think about her own. It's admirable how much she's dedicated to being a huntress, but unlike the rest of her team, she doesn't really have anything outside of that that she wants for herself. Her entire sense of self completely revolves around being a huntress.

Ozpin: Well, you can't spend your whole life on the battlefield, even if you may want to.

Ruby: (crossing her arms, looking annoyed) Yeah, that lesson's been floating around a lot lately.

Ozpin: (staring out at the dancing couples) If you think about it, fighting and dancing aren't so different. Two partners interlocked, although one wrong move on the ballroom merely leads to a swollen foot.

(2x07)

This is said while looking out on the dancing couples and comparing dancing to fighting, aka, romantic foreshadowing, which I've talked about in more detail here

(also hey thanks Oz for giving Ruby some good advice to follow the piece you gave her about being a leader in the previous volume)

It's also interesting how this is in the same volume Oobleck questions Weiss, Blake and Yang's motives for being huntresses, and later on during the campfire scene we see them each open up about their own doubts and affirming their resolve to one another, but Ruby is completely excluded from this. Instead we are given insight about Ruby from Yang's perspective, but not from Ruby herself. Because everyone assumes, even her sister, that she is the simple soul, the pure hearted hero, and therefore has no doubts or deeper reason for what she does. When in actual fact, both are true, as we start to see in the Dojo scene.

And when she allows herself to confide in Oscar about her own experiences and losses, to admit that she is scared, it actually helps in this situation. Opening up is what allows her to relate to Oscar's own fears and let her words reach him. To reflect on what she'd been through and reaffirm her own resolve. And a mutual sense of understanding in each other and their fears is established. And this makes sense, after all, allowing yourself to be vulnerable and being more honest about your more negative emotions (being sad/afraid/frustrated) leads to empathising with others and understanding them better. And Oscar goes on to do this in future volumes in trying to empathize and be vulnerable and honest with others, which for better (in Emerald, Hazel and Ozpin's case) or worse (in Ironwood's case) is always worth trying to do, because if you don't then no one can understand and reach out to each other, and nothing will truly change. Which I firmly believe is something Ruby needs to learn more in regards to her Silver Eyes and how she uses them.

Ruby has pushed Oscar to be braver and more confident in himself, (like Ruby) while Oscar has pushed Ruby to be more introspective and honest about her own feelings (like Oscar). Which is the part of both character's struggles, Oscar in overcoming his fears and Ruby in dealing with her own feelings.

There's even a callback to this scene in the V7 finale when the song "Until the End" which is a Ruby song, is playing. As Yang is asking JNR where Oscar is, the exact lyrics that play when Oscar is mentioned are:

"The tears that you've shed,

May find a tree to water,

But only when you're stronger"

Literally the words "tree" and "Oscar" overlap here.

During the Dojo scene when Ruby opens up about the hardships and losses she's endured, and the fears she still has, but also her resolve to keep moving forward, we see her wiping away her tears and reassuring Oscar, whose surname is Pine, a type of tree, like the one being referred to in Ruby's song, a tree that she's watered and helped "grow" metaphorically speaking, as a person, who is moved by her both her strength and her vulnerability. (yes yes I know it's Extremely Corny but the symbolism is Still There)

This could also mean in context of V9 and the Ever After tree that once Ruby is able to properly break down and cry, to grieve and embrace her pain, to be a rose that blooms in the rain that opens up to her team and herself, that she will be able to move forward to the tree and find her way back home.

It's also playing into her allusion as the Rose from the Little Prince as well, as she tries to face away from Oscar and quickly wipes away her tears:

“She did not want him to see her crying. She was such a proud flower…”

And it doesn't just stop there either.

In V6, after telling JNR about Jinn, Oz and Salem, we see how angry and disheartened they all are:

Jaune: "Everything we did was for nothing!"

Blake: "That's not true..."

Nora: "Really? Cos' it sure does sound like it!"

Blake: "I... um..."

Ren: "If Salem can't be killed, then how are we supposed to win this?"

Jaune: "Wow... Great plan, everyone."

After Jaune's outburst, we see Oscar look up over to Ruby, as if he's expecting her to say something uplifting or encouraging, because that's usually what Ruby does at times like this, right? But then he sees her downcast expression, and all of a sudden you see Oscar look back down as he realises that Ruby isn't going to speak up, because she's taking Jaune's critiscism the hardest out of all of them. And it settles in for him how much this is weighing down on her, because she's the leader, because she's always the one expected to have a plan or to know what to say, because she feels like she has a responsibility to live up to that image for all of them.

That this must be really hard on her too.

And we know this to be true when we later hear her confide in Maria:

"What am I supposed to tell Jaune and his team when we don't even have a plan?"

"I feel like I'm letting everyone down"

Before, Oz was considered the "Leader" of their whole group. But Oscar's trust in Ruby outweighed Oz's fear, which was why he fought for control against Oz and told Ruby how to use Jinn, because he believed and trusted in her more as a leader. And by entrusting her with that knowledge, gave her the means to make her own choice of what was right, and ultimately challenge and remove Oz from a position of leadership. And in v6 as Ruby has that role instead, she feels more responsible for their group, for their mission, than ever before, and in turn, in this scene here, Oscar feels responsible for Ruby and the burden they share.

(it's almost like Ruby and Oscar both share Oz as a foil and they're supposed to be better than him and learn from his mistakes which in turn inspires him to be better.)

"There is a rose... and I believe she has tamed me..."

“But you must not forget it. You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed. You are responsible for your rose...”

(the Little Prince)

And that's the reason why Oscar chooses to try to speak up in this moment to try and direct the attention on to himself instead, trying to defuse the tension of the situation after seeing how Ruby is struggling. Interesting is how he isn't moved to action by seeking inspiration and strength from Ruby alone as others are, but also finds the courage in himself to overcome his own fear and hesitation in a need to support her, in an attempt to alleviate the burden he sees weighing down on her.

Because she shouldn't have to always be seen and believed as the one who bears it. Not alone. Because no one should.

Gosh, it's not like one of Oscar's allusions is the Little Prince who learnt that the Rose was his responsibility to go back and take care of right?

*gestures at how Oscar ran away after his confrontation with Jaune and just so happened to come back wearing combat gear that is a very obvious nod to the Little Prince, as well as taking inspiration from Ruby's Mistral outfit and incorporating her red as his secondary colour, focused on Ruby's reaction, and how Ruby is literally referred to as "the Rose" by Tyrian in v4 and has a semblance that has her burst into rose petals*

Or the boy from the Warrior in the Woods who felt that someone should take care of the Warrior for a change, the way she had for everyone else for so long?

“You’ve spent all these years looking after us. I thought maybe it would be nice if someone looked after you for a change. Because that’s what I can do. Because no one else will"

(The Warrior in the Wood, Fairytales of Remnant)

No no, of course not, that's totally crazy.

#it's still rg white day right? I haven't missed it? #anyways this was a big and messy meta I had sitting in my notes app for a loooong while #that I wanted to revisit in the context of V9 #it's a bit all over the place but I wanted to do something for rg white day #rwby #ruby rose #rwby9 #oscar pine #rosegarden #rg white day #rwby meta #the little prince #the warrior in the woods #might add more to this later in a reblog

[glowingbadger]

Hi! Could you do SFW and NSFW relationship headcanons for Raphael and Hubert, please?

(P.S. I swear I sent this in a few weeks ago but you must not have gotten it. I am mortified at the chance I accidentally sent it to another blog!)

Your timing is incredible- your request was literally the next one on my list haha :3 So no worries, it got to the right place! I'm just still catching up a bit lol. Let's talk Raph and Hubie!

Raphael, Hubert x GN Reader

SFW (nsfw below the cut)

Raphael:

- Raphael is such an absolute sweetie as a boyfriend. He's very nurturing and just a healthy level of protective, but he also knows that he's not perfect and is willing to listen to you when you need something different from him, or just to vent. He's also endlessly uplifting, always instinctively looking on the bright side of things and eager to open up that sunny perspective to share with you.

- As we all know, the way to Raph's heart is through his stomach. If you're even a little skilled in the kitchen, you've got an easy in to spending time with him whenever you like. If you're not much of a cook, he's happy to be a taste-tester until you've got it figured out. Though it's not like his palette is incredibly refined, so you might not get the most nuanced feedback.

- It is essential that you meet his little sister's approval- it's practically like courting a single father. Her happiness is his utmost priority, so one day when she mentions off hand that she can't wait for you all to spend time together again, he practically starts tearing up and warmth fills his chest. Knowing that you get along with the other most important person in his life just reaffirms his affections for you a thousand fold.

- His idea of a date pretty much always involves food, and with his energetic and warm personality, those kinds of dates are easy to enjoy. If you suggest other ideas though, while he might not be sure it's his "thing" at first, he'll quickly find something to get excited about and invested in. Besides, when he's with you, he has a hard time caring about anything but watching you just be your wonderful self, all with a wide, goofy smile on his face.

Hubert:

- Hubert quietly dotes on you. His love language is absolutely acts of service. This is largely because he finds it so hard to believe- practically disorienting- that you'd want to be with him of all people. As such, he does everything in his power to ensure that you're provided for. You may not even realize the lengths he's willing to go to for some time, as he has a habit of doing helpful or sweet things for you without your knowledge. Maybe it takes a vaguely threatening "chat" with some disrespectful knave who's been trying to get your attention, or perhaps there's a tear in your favorite shirt that he has sent to be repaired without ever mentioning it. Hubert doesn't seek praise- only your happiness.

- that said... He does absolutely melt when you do praise or compliment him. He does his best to appear stoic, but his face turns bright red when you tell him how lucky you are to be with someone so considerate and conscientious. Funnily, when he's riding high on his adoration for you (whatever you would call Hubert's version of feeling warm and fuzzy), not much changes other than that he's less conversational, appearing exceptionally introspective. The truth is just that he can't stop thinking of you and this bizarre feeling you've nurtured in him.

- he will NEVER admit this and will strike fear into the soul of any who would suggest it- but when others give him romantic advice, he does take note. When Edelgard suggests he have flowers sent to you for no particular reason, or Ferdinand recommends he take you riding through the countryside on a particularly lovely day, he does consider them and possibly even follow through.

- listen. The first time Hubert returns to his quarters from a late night "mission" to see you waiting up for him, struggling to stay awake to greet him and make sure he's okay, he's just... A puddle. He holds you so close and so tight, resting his face in your hair without a word. He's simply so overwhelmed that he should ever be so fortunate as to be welcomed home by someone he loves.

NSFW 18+ v

Raphael:

- Raph is a Big Boy and a Strong Boy, and those two facts are never more relevant than when things start getting heated. He's had one or two prior sexual partners (people from his hometown who came onto him- he enjoyed it well enough, but he's WAY more into it after falling for you), so he generally knows what he's doing, but likes a bit of guidance. He worries a lot about hurting you, but also enjoys showing off his strength and stamina for you- so letting you set the pace tends to work best overall.

- He openly loves it when you compliment his muscles and physique, reminding him of just how big and strong he is compared to you and how easily he lifts and positions you. Hearing it from your lips energizes him and makes him more determined than ever to pleasure you and take care of any and all of your needs. He's a bit clumsy about some of the finer operations involved- but honestly, sometimes it's hot enough just to feel his large and powerful fingers spreading you open. It's hard to lament his lack of dexterity when he can so easily fill you and reach your every sensitive spot at once.

- He's really not much one for power-play, or any kind of spicy roleplay. He simply doesn't see the point. Raphael would always rather just tell you openly how amazing and gorgeous you are as you ride his big, thick cock. You're so small even when you're above him, and he can't help wanting to hold you as your stretched out little hole takes him again and again.

- Raphael can resist cumming for a long time for the privilege of getting to fuck as many orgasms out of you as possible. He's got some impressive stamina. He'll lift and reposition you several times, then very carefully ease his huge member back into you, giving you plenty of time to acclimate to him filling you up from a new angle. There's no question that you'll be satisfied by the time he finally cums- but once he's done, he's done. Raphael cums hard, and a good volume, and once he's ridden out his climax, all he wants is to cuddle you on his broad chest and maybe share a snack, then drift off for a nap together.

Hubert:

- I've talked about some general spicy ideas for Hubie before in the past, so definitely check my masterlist for those (I love this miserable bastard so fucking much-). Overall, I see him as a classic, domineering Dom in the bedroom. Hubert needs a certain level of control over everything in his life to feel even a little at-ease, and intimacy is no exception. It won't take long into a relationship with him for it to become clear that he's happiest and most satisfied when you're a good, docile little pet for him.

- It's not extremely obvious at first, but Hubert's body is very sensitive and very touch-shy, simply due to lack of exposure. He's had a few sexual partners, though largely for pragmatic, political purposes, so the experience of being with you and wanting so badly to be truly intimate with you is completely new to him. Add this to the fact that, at his core, he still believes you deserve so much better than he could ever give you in all things, and you've got yourself a complex over-thinker in your bed. This is part of why dominating you is so soothing to him. When you're his personal needy kitten, he can direct you as he pleases, catering your treatment to his comfort level.

- Hubert gets very invested in the finer details of your submission. He takes great care to select a collar custom made for you, and will manage everything from your posture to your line of sight to when you're allowed to cum. He does not suffer brats; misbehaving will result in literal hours of punishment, and you're lucky if it only amounts to spanking. He's much more likely to tie you, or even magically restrain you on his bed completely exposed (or in a shamefully erotic outfit) and tease your clit/head of your cock until tears wet your eyes and you beg him to be allowed to cum.

- That all said, if you're a very, very good pet for him- or if you're someone a bit more shy or anxious in bed, he is capable of being a very soft and caring Dom. This even surprises him, but he can't help brushing a gloved hand to your cheek as you take his cock into your pretty lips, and he murmurs, "That's right, my dearest, just like that. You're doing wonderfully- just a little longer for me and I swear that I'll satisfy you."

#raphael kirsten #hubert von vestra #fire emblem #fire emblem three houses #fe3h #feh #raphael x reader #hubert x reader #fire emblem x reader #fire emblem smut #fluff and smut #fire emblem headcanons

[twofrontteethstillcrooked]

3 Oct. Suptober: Rainbows

With his finger, Dean traced the outline of one of the rainbows arced on Cas's knee. "Is it weird that rainbows remind me of you?"

s15 au; deancas

In hindsight, Cas was preoccupied, not only by the task at hand but by the person he was undertaking it on behalf of, which was likely why he didn't realize he had company in the bunker kitchen until Sam said, "Hey, Cas," and Cas almost fumbled the glass into the sink. 

"Oof, sorry," Sam rushed to say next. 

His expression was a variety of things, none of which Cas clocked as fundamentally apologetic while he refilled the glass. 

Sam cleared his throat. "Whatcha doing?"

Cas squinted at him. Maybe Sam was drunk, or ill. "Just getting a drink of water." He left the statement there; Sam had seen him consume water before.

Sam fidgeted with the hem of his t-shirt and did not look at Cas. "Sure. You." He made some kind of gesture with his hands that did not seem relevant to anything. "You seen Dean lately?"

"He's asleep," Cas offered, since he knew it to be correct.

"In his room?" Sam's voice cracked on the second word.

Cas drew out the word 'yes' into something of a question. What was Sam looking at on the ceiling anyway?

"His room. Which. You just left?" Sam bounced on the balls of his feet for a second.

Cas looked around for intruders, hex bags, strange fogs, spooky auras, blood stains, a bucket of empty beer cans -- something that might explain why Sam was speaking like someone who'd just learned English. 

"Yes, Dean's room." 

Cas suppressed a smile that wanted to surface as his thoughts quickly flitted to Dean -- Dean curled boneless beneath a body-warmed blanket, his eyelashes fanned dark against the tops of his freckled cheeks -- and back again. He sat the glass in the sink and stepped toward Sam carefully.

"Uh huh. Okay." Sam took a step backwards. His line of sight popped back up to the light fixture. "Wearing. ...What it is you're wearing?

Cas glanced down past his bare chest to the flannel covering his legs. "Pajamas?"

Sam nodded a series of tight little nods, like an invisible puppeteer controlling him was getting restless. "Okay. Okay. And Dean is." He didn't trail off as much as seem to run out of ideas for the rest of the sentence.

"Asleep," Cas reminded him. 

Another Sam nod. "Right." 

"He tends to fall asleep for a while within thirty or so minutes after we--"

"Dude," Sam said. 

Understanding clicked into place. "Ah. I apologize, Sam," Cas said, with a small sinking sensation in his stomach. "I did assume Dean had told you." 

He was leaving out some words, and he didn't mean to play coy; it just seemed like perhaps Sam would prefer fewer details over more with regards to -- how to say diplomatically? -- recent developments.

"Dean tell me? Really?" Sam stared at him directly for the first time the whole encounter. His pupils were big black dots reminiscent of the ones he'd had when they were all cartoons for a while.

"No." Cas paused. "But I did think maybe you just knew." 

An honest confession, since Sam, a skilled hunter with decades of experience beneath his proverbial belt, was often quite good at discerning patterns beneath the surface of verbal communication. Cas had not always been as certain of his own feelings as he was in the present. Indeed, it had taken years for what he felt for Dean -- unfamiliar, prismatic impulses occasionally strong enough to almost bring Cas to his knees -- to coagulate into something fierce and unshakeable that could in part be described in words, much less translatable to more tangible actions. Just because Cas had been slow to realize the depths of his own emotions didn't mean Sam had been.

Except.

Sam's eyebrows jumped into his hairline like worms fleeing chicken beaks. 

"What," he choked out. "Why. No. How would I have known about--" He was flinging his hands around again. "--This?" The hands flew toward Cas like Sam was casting a spell at him. "You are like my brother."

"Um," Cas said.

"And Dean is my brother."

"Uh--"

"And I have literally heard him refer to you as our brother."

"Right.”

"Like, we're all brothers here." Sam gave a helpless chuff of laughter.

"Okay."

"So you understand," Sam continued, "why I might be concerned that my two brothers are apparently sleeping together." The volume of his voice went lower in direct counter to its pitch by the end of the sentence.

Cas chose not to comment on this, nor on the shadow that lurked in the doorway and then dissipated. He said instead, "I don't really sleep all that much, but I take your point."

Sam buried his face in the palms of his hands. 

"I'm." Cas swallowed. He stood a bit taller, the way a soldier might when either respectfully yielding to an enemy or accepting that opponent's surrender -- not that Sam was a villain here. "I'm sorry you found out this way, Sam."

"It's." Sam took a deep breath, then coughed once. "You don't have to apologize."

"Sam, could you... There is nothing on the ceiling that could be that interesting."

"You have nothing to be sorry about." Sam spoke like he meant it, or at least wanted to mean it.

Cas let out an inward sigh of relief. "All right."

"The stress," Sam said. "What we do. Monsters. Apocalypses, plural. It's-- I know it's a lot." Now he had slipped into hunter wrangler mode, all rallying the troops and leftover law school pragmatism. "And I can see how the two of you might, you know, need to blow off some steam. Sometimes."

"Sam--"

"Dean always does get a little antsy when he goes a while without." Sam shook his head like he'd realized this was absolutely not a topic he wanted to think about. "You know."

"Sam," Cas said sharply.

"I'll stop talking now."

"I'm in love with your brother, Sam." Those truest words were spoken so easily that once upon a time it might have bothered Cas; in the present, it assuredly did not. He let Sam gape for a moment and then softened the statement with, "It's not just a casual, friends with insurance sort of thing for me. For the record. If that helps."

Sam looked like the human equivalent of the little tri-colored beachball that would spin and spin onscreen when one of his computer tablets got overwhelmed. Finally, his eyes cleared. "All right." His mouth quirked. "The phrase is 'friends with benefits.'" 

Cas blinked. "Insurance is often a benefit extended to citizens in the United States, isn't it?"

"Less often than's helpful," Sam said.

Cas nodded. The two of them stood there by the sink, not really looking at each other. A thought came to Cas.

"I love you too--"

"Dude," Sam said.

Cas held up a hand. "--But I'm not in love with you." This distinction was one that had taken him a long time to understand; it seemed worth sharing.

The ceiling had recaptured Sam's fascination, but he was smiling when he said, "I know." He clapped Cas on the shoulder. "I love you too."

Cas returned the smile. "You, and Dean, and Jack -- you are all my family."

"Yeah." Sam ducked his head, as if pleased. "Yeah, I know."

Cas picked the glass of water up out of the sink. He raised it to Sam in a small toast. "Okay. I'm going to go back to Dean's room now."

"'Night, Cas."

Cas padded back down the hallway, opened Dean's squeaky door, and crept inside the room. The bedside lamp had been turned on. He watched the blanketed lump in the middle of the mattress for movement before asking quietly, "How much of that did you hear?"

"Most of it." Dean sat up and yawned. He scratched at the side of his head where his hair was sticking out. The blanket puddled below his pelvis. Cas glanced away like he hadn't personally and enthusiastically pressed those hipbones into the mattress less than an hour before.

When Cas walked around and put a knee on the bed, Dean said, "I also wanted water."

Cas bumped his arm with the glass. "This is for you."

"Oh," Dean said, taking it from him. "Thanks."

"Because I don't drink all that much water."

"Right."

"Because I don't sweat as much as you do."

"Hmm. You sweat some," Dean said, a hint of slyness in his tone. He leaned away to leave the water glass on the bedside table.

Cas sat on the edge of the mattress and let Dean scoot up to him. "Are you bragging about making me sweat?"

"Mmm," Dean said, splaying his hand over Cas's clavicle. 

"You should probably talk to Sam in the morning."

"This is the morning."

"Later, then."

Dean wrapped his arms around Cas's waist like he owned the span of it. "Yeah, that's not going to happen."

"Maybe you could just--

"Nooo." 

A sharpness tapped underneath Cas's ribcage, an angel blade's point pressed with deliberate aim. It took a minute before he could speak. He gathered his courage. "If you want to stop--"

"No." The word fell from Dean like Cas had knocked it out with his fist. His eyes were fever bright and anguished, and another, better ache flooded Cas's chest at the sight. "No."

"I am very much in love with you." Cas took a breath. "Sam's reaction, I know, wasn't entirely out of nowhere." 

Dean tipped his forehead to Cas's. "I don't think he was objecting so much as he was surprised--"

"I'm only saying, I have thought of you both as my brothers, at various times in the past." Cas studied, not for the first time, a collection of freckles on Dean's shoulder. "I still think of Sam as a brother, in a way. He may not be incorrect that the situation, as it has evolved, is something a bit… Atypical." He considered a further implication. "And each of us is one of Jack's dads."

Dean huffed, a bluff since his fingertips were memorizing Cas's vertebrae like he planned to sketch them later. "Well. We can't all be the goddamn Waltons, or whoever."

Cas agreed, "We definitely do not live on a farm." He let himself sway toward the ardent way Dean was looking at him. "It might be nice to live on a farm, with cows and ducks, maybe some sheep--"

"And I am very much in love with you too," Dean said softly. He pressed his lips to Cas's cheek.

"Yeah?" Cas's eyes felt hot.

"Yep."

Cas thought to say, "You know, Sam is exactly who you raised him to be: a good man."

At that, Dean squeezed his eyes shut. "New rule," he said hoarsely after several seconds. He wiped his eyes and shook his head. "We cannot talk about Sam, like. When we're not even dressed."

Cas stretched out his right leg and wiggled his foot. "I have on these pajamas pants. Can no-one else see them? They're covered in so many things."

This was an understatement. Technically, the pattern contained no less than the following items: rainbows, unicorns, blue whales, yellow stars, shield-wielding pugs, and anti-whale flags, whatever and why-ever those were. Put simply, the pajama pattern was like an indecipherable code of images that seemed to illustrate the illicit drug use of the manufacturer's designer.

With his finger, Dean traced the outline of one of the rainbows arced on Cas's knee. "Is it weird that rainbows remind me of you?"

Cas thumbed a spot on Dean's throat, his mouth going dry with the desire to taste the pulse fluttering there. "In my celestial wavelength form, I suppose I would be more closely related to a visually-deducible electromagnetic wave than I would be a pug riding a whale into glorious battle."

"These pajamas are a work of art," Dean contended, kissing Cas's temple. "Hmm."

"What?"

"I guess that story about God -- Chuck -- using a rainbow to seal a promise about never again destroying earth with a flood is just apocrypha, huh?"

Cas thought about it. "Yes. Unfortunately." He tried not to sigh. "Sometimes I have to remind myself Chuck created some beautiful wonders despite...being who he is."

"Yeah. Going out after a hard rain and seeing a rainbow's colors arching through the clouds -- still seems hopeful." Dean started pulling Cas down beside him on the mattress. "Maybe that's what reminds me of you."

Unable to speak, Cas tucked his face into Dean's throat. 

Dean's fingers were slipping beneath the waistband of the pajamas, ever so slowly. "Anyway, these are mine." Cas hummed an affirmative. "I would like them back," Dean said.

"Now?" Cas heard himself gasp.

Dean pressed him onto his back to nose his way down the line of Cas's breastbone, his warm breath teasing over cooled skin and coaxing out a shiver Cas felt splintering through his whole body. 

"I would settle for you just not having them on at the moment," Dean said, using both hands to reclaim his property, and before raising up to kiss anything Cas might have wanted to say in response entirely out of his mouth.

#spn #suptober21 #fic #deancas #suptober #destiel

[lovesanmotion]

yandere!ateez as fanboys

Hongjoong: 

The moment he hears one song from your latest album, it immediately swept him off his feet from the ground and made the decision to stan you. You are his favorite soloist. The moment he hears your latest comeback album, he immediately listened to all your other songs and made his research about you that night. Of course, the caffeine boosting him. 

He made a lot of social media accounts just to follow you. Twitter, Instagram, Youtube, you name it. He would follow your every move and post. But is still didn’t feel the same. To Hongjoong, he felt like he was still missing a large chunk of your life and he didn’t want that. The next night, he pulled a couple of strings and ta dah! had access to your very personal information. And he felt so complete afterwards. 

To you, Hongjoong was just one of your few male fans that you adore. I mean, the guy makes covers of your songs. And part of you agreed that when he made his own remix of your songs, it would sound 10000% better than the original. However, you just didn’t noticed the subliminal messages and tones he inserted in his remixes. 

Seonghwa: 

Seonghwa was one of those rare male fansites you have. Being in a 7 member girl group called Starlight, you are the group’s visual, main dancer, lead vocalist, center and face of the group. Once your group made its debut, fame automatically found you. 

Endorsements here and there, landing yourself in various commercial films and even coming to be a guest of variety shows. Your popularity instantly swept off and in a blink of an eye, the whole of South Korea knew your name. And your name tasted delicious in HwaLight_Y/N. Seonghwa’s fansite name dedicated to you. He thought of a name that would connect him to you. Hwa meaning star, replacing the english word and thus the birth of the fansite name. 

With his good looks, he too became known amongst the fans. He was known as your handsome fansite master. And since he was one of the rare male fansites you have, you would immediately recognize him from afar. Smiling at his camera and waving at him. Much to Seonghwa’s delight, he felt like there was already a deep connection between you two. And he wanted more of that. 

He started coming to your unofficial group activities. Slippiing his way inside the venue just to be able to feel your presence a few feet from him. He started purchasing flight and hotel information from other “fans” and would purchase the seat closest to you or the room nearest yours. 

Didn’t noticed those red beaming lights hidden inside your hotel room when you’re changing clothes or taking a shower? Click click! Or you were dead asleep tired from rehearsals when someone barged into your room? Click click! Ever noticed how your favorite red lace underwear went missing only to come back with a stain? Click click! 

Yunho: 

At first, he wasn’t entirely dazzled by you. Yunho was just a regular idol manager who would follow you into your every activities and schedules. He needed the money, plus, companies like him for his tall and muscular physique. The kind of person that can ward off creepy or scary fans that tried to get close to you.

You, on the other hand, is an ex member of your former girl group but found fame as a solo artist. Your debut song swept the charts and immediately won every single music show chart. Topping music chart billboards in every country. Despite all the glitz and glamor that followed you, you felt lonely and desperate for human touch. 

It wasn’t supposed to be how Yunho, naked and in between your legs. How such alcohol can make you two do things that violates his contract with you. One night was all it takes for him to see a completely different side of you. And he wanted more of that. 

Yunho became more protective towards you. Becoming more aggressive to anyone who dares lay a hand on you. Even going as far as sleeping in one bed with you as he thinks “its completely necessary, who know, someone might be barging into your room in the middle of the night?”  You can never get away from him. Companies like him, remember? With his clean records, your company would do anything to keep him signed with you. 

Yeosang: 

Channel YNbyYS is a youtube channel run by Yeosang. It’s the platform wherein he posts his dance covers to your group’s songs. With a bit of his dancing elements and the original choreography of your group, the blend came out much nicer than what everyone expected. His heart leaped more at the idea of you endorsing a chicken brand. From that day forward, he became a regular of the certain chicken brand nearest to him. 

Yeosang may seem like a complete innocent and harmless fanboy. But do you ever what he is behind his dance covering youtube channel? Why, he is the second most influential person in your company. The son of your own CEO. He had his very own place within the company. And he uses it to the extent of getting closer to you. 

The gifts that came into your company? Those are ALL Yeosang’s gifts for you. From the dresses to the shoes. He shamelessly threw away other gifts’ that were for you because according to him “he is the only relevant and special person that can offer you gifts”. Anything else is directly to the bin. 

And you wonder how your “fans” know your taste in fashion. 

Mingi: 

Mingi, before being blacklisted by your company, was just a regular fanboy of your group. You were the group’s main rapper and the lyrics to your bars spoke volumes to him. He was just casually listening to your verses and mixtapes until one day, he realized that he wanted to be more than just your fanboy.

It started slowly when he would attend your group’s fansigns and even follow you towards the airport. But the bodyguards prevented him from coming anymore closer to you. And so he did the unthinkable. Knocking down a bodyguard that was shielding you and enveloping you in his arms. His heartbeat raced and he felt a second heartbeat between his pants. With you in his arms, he only realized how petite yet handful you are. Hands running all over your body, burying his nose in your hair inhaling that soft and sweet strawberry shampoo that you use. 

Despite being blacklisted, he never cared about going public and meeting you at your group or individual activities. Instead, he resorted to barging into your dorm. Whether you’re home or not. 

 San: 

You are your group’s maknae and visual. Dubbed as Korea’s IT Girl, your face can be found anywhere in Seoul. From commercial films to leading Korean dramas, releasing your own solo album and attending fashion weeks, you are always the talk of the town. Whenever your name comes up, its always met with praises. Of course, the people loves you! You are a crowd and fan favorite. 

And you had managed to capture the eyes and heart of San. Calling himself as your number 1 fan. He was never absent in any of your activities. Getting front row seats in your concerts, being present at your variety shows and even buying products that you endorse - soju, cosmetics, literally anything. 

To your fans, he is the biggest fanboy you ever had. And it was quite entertaining to watch him profess his love to you. You even chuckled a few of his pick up lines that he threw at you during your fansigns. When asked if you had anything memorable that a fan ever did to you, the answer would always be San. 

Behind closed doors, San kept a dirty secret. Remember how he always gets front row seats to your concerts? He hid a camera in his clothes to film your upskirt. Beating his meat every night to his own collection of your tight and revealing clothing. Remember how you would endorse anything? He’d buy it and imagine how ripping it off your body feels like. His greatest possession? Your black lingerie. Too bad, you’re never getting it back. 

Wooyoung: 

ForYN is a website account run by Wooyoung. He regularly updates his content - from posting your pictures that are uploaded today, to your daily activities, the products you use and a little sub website from his channel wherein he writes poems and graphical fanfiction of himself with you. But of course no one would ever read between the lines. The way how Wooyoung would write would be so poetical and endearing that it? doesn’t? have? any? hidden? meaning? 

He only came once to your fansign and gave you a pink teddybear. It wasn’t the best gift you owned but you liked it somehow. There was something about the teddybear that you didn’t know why you’re into it. Its just a plain gift but everytime you look at it, its as if you’re drawn to it. 

Maybe becuase you didn’t noticed how it has camera eyes? 

Wooyoung’s love for you deepened when he caught you humping on the pink teddybear. Cum splattering all over its face. It was just one gift, but it was everything to you. 

And Wooyoung’s working on the next entry for his fanfiction. 

Jongho: 

For today, you were having your own vlive. Doing what you called a YN mukbang. As the convenient food store you bought was placed on the table, you began to greet yours fans, asking them how they are feeling before digging in your food. Among the hundreds and thousands of viewers, Jongho was one of them. 

He was engrossed in two things: one, how adorable and beautiful you look despite just eating. Second, the rude comments that were popping up in your live video. Rude remarks of body shaming were what caught his attention. He took his time digging deeper into someone else’s username and IP address. Once he got a hold of their information, he would report those comments and head out. In his disguise while hunting the people who made disguisting remarks at you. No one should ever make such remarks to a goddess. 

#ateez #Ateez hongjoong #ateez mingi #ateez yeosang #ateez san #ateez wooyoung #ateez seonghwa #ateez x reader #ateez yunho #ateez jongho #ateez yandere

[spencersawkward]

switchblade faith//spencer reid - chapter 6

summary: one month after joining the BAU, Clea is still settling in. between solving murders and getting acclimated to DC, the only comfortable thing in her life is her friendship with Dr. Spencer Reid.

relationship: Fem!OC/Spencer

content warnings: discussion of mental illness (schizophrenia)

word count: 4.4k

masterlist

the thing about growing up in a place where there are so many dinosaur fossils is that you start to search for them everywhere. my friends and I, in elementary school, saw the enormous bones, those huge sockets where eyes used to sit. and even though there was nothing in them now, they seemed to glare back at us. if you stood right in front, face-to-face, it felt like looking down the barrel of a gun. a several-ton, reptilian gun. petrifying.

and it wasn't like there was much to do in Montana, anyway. sometimes the sheer expanse of that place, especially if we drove a bit out of town, was enough to put fear in me. like we'd been abandoned there.

when my mom got her migraines, I dug holes in the front yard. occasionally, I'd find something-- a funnily-shaped rock, usually-- and it would look enough like a dinosaur tooth that for a moment I'd deceive myself into thinking that I'd made a discovery. it didn't matter that actual remnants would be buried much, much further in the ground than I could turn with my small hands. but I liked the slight rush it sent through my body, seeing what other people hadn't. sitting back on my heels and brushing off the excess, the only thing I could hear was my breath. there's something quite serene about that, the focusing in on something which normally I would never think about. my heart pounding. and I collected my findings so that I would be able to put them together again when there were enough pieces.

but this doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things, particularly not when I'm short on time and staring at an upsettingly pathetic evidence board.

"the unsub said we needed a book, didn't he?" Spencer brings me to attention. there's an unfolded paper on the board that Hotch's wife dropped off an hour ago. he's talking to her in his office about who delivered it; we don't know anything else. all it has is a bunch of numbers written in neat black ink.

"yep." I bite the end of my pen and frown. "one that 'inspired many an adventure.'"

"then it's a book code," Reid says like it's the most obvious thing in the world. I arch an eyebrow and he continues. "each one of these sets of numbers represents a specific word. page 118, line 30, word 3." he points one long finger at a certain spot, and I follow it.

"so we just need to figure out what the words are and fill in the blanks," I lean forward in my chair, cradling a cup of coffee that's starting to grow cold. "except what book are we looking for?"

"I don't know," he shrugs. I lean back in my seat; if Reid doesn't know, we're all screwed. "the thing is that it has to be the exact same edition of the exact same book."

"that's encouraging." I sigh. the useless feeling puts me in a bad mood. we're wasting time by sitting and learning nothing. although there's nowhere to go.

I'm not sure how long we're there; hours, at least. night becomes less heavy, hues of a purplish pink sky slotting through the blinds and reminding me of just how exhausted I am. not enough to sleep. bone-tired.

Spencer crosses his arms, leans his chin on his fist and stares at the numbers like they'll suddenly make sense. and maybe they will; I don't know how his head works. some miracle that has eluded us for the past few hours might appear now. but the longer I stare, the more confused I get. instead, I start to sift through the pile of other evidence pieces scattered around the table. we could be missing something.

"you know, I can understand how this guy got our addresses and phone numbers, but there's no way all that information about JJ's butterfly obsession or Rossi's trips to baseball games would be in our personnel files." I frown. those things wouldn't be relevant.

Spencer isn't even listening to me, though. he's muttering to himself, eyes flickering over the floor.

"'never would it be night, but always clear day to any man's sight,'" he says it more loudly, then finally focuses on me. "it sounds familiar-- I think I've heard it somewhere before."

I also get the feeling that I've heard it before, except it keeps slipping my memory. a lot of rhyming poetry leaves my mind after I finish reading it, and I don't want to lead us in the wrong direction, either. he uncaps a dry erase marker and hurries over to the white board, writing "Possible Book Titles" in messy scrawl, staring at it. I watch him for a moment, the way he talks to himself as he works through his thoughts, certain words floating in the air.

"how many books do you think are published every year?" I ask. maybe if we can narrow that down, we can get a better perspective on how to proceed. Spencer doesn't even look up.

"thousands. easily." he sighs dejectedly. and then his head snaps up. "year... every year."

he spins and starts to push all the evidence bags aside on the table, scrambling to grab something. I don't know what to say about his fervent behavior. I'm speechless when he finds the baseball card. he shoves it in my face. "1963."

"what about it?" I take the card.

"if the book has to be the right volume and the right publication date, why is this from 1963?"

his eyes are enormous. wide pupils that urge me to catch onto his line of thought. for a moment, I have no idea what he's talking about. my eyes run over the baseball card for what feels like the millionth time, examining the date. I slam the thing down on the table and we look at each other.

"Rossi said 1959." I say. he nods.

"so the book must be from 1963, or it wouldn't fit the pattern," Reid straightens and runs his hands through his hair, his spine finally straightening as he takes a deep breath. I can practically sense the electric current that radiates from his body while he thinks. "I'm gonna go ask Garcia about something."

he's gone before I have a chance to respond.

...

the rest of the day gets really weird really fast. as all of us are focused on finding the unsub, I fall into a daze. I don't eat, don't drink anything other than tankards of coffee while my eyes start to burn from looking at the board.

we've finished talking on the phone to a librarian at some facility in Virginia, where the exact edition of the book we've been seeking is housed. it took about half an hour for us to go through each blank in the code with her. somehow, that prompted Spencer to think of his mom, so he called her and requested she be flown out here from Las Vegas immediately. the whole time he's on the phone, he rocks back and forth on his heels and keeps glancing at me.

I pretend to be focused on the pile of evidence, not wanting to intrude. he already told me about his mom, and I'm assuming this has something to do with her being a professor of medieval literature. it's not really my place to question it.

when he hangs up, he doesn't say anything to me. there's quite literally nothing else for us to do. I clear my throat, lick my lips, and sit a bit straighter. he's still standing with his hands shoved in his pockets.

"um," I wrack my mind for anything that would take our minds off the waiting. "do you wanna play cards?"

Spencer tries to smile. it looks more like a wince as he nods. with Prentiss and Morgan talking to the guy who delivered the code papers and Hotch and Rossi on their way to interview the parents of the missing girl (whose name is Rebecca Bryant, apparently), we're kind of aimless.

I head to the bullpen to grab my favorite deck, then return and close the door behind me. there are plenty of other employees out there bustling around, and the noise probably won't help his anxiety. he's sitting in the chair next to where I was, leaning his elbow against the table while he presses his knuckles to his temple. he looks incredibly pensive.

"here." I plop down next to him.

"thanks."

"mhmm." instead of starting a conversation, I just shuffle the deck. the only sounds are the flutter of paper against paper and the slap of the cards on the table's surface. his eyes follow the movements of my hands, the way I bend and mix them up, before eventually dealing them out.

it should be awkward, but it's not. the weight of his thoughts fills enough of the space for the both of us; I can practically hear him running through scenarios in his mind, ever.

we start to play for a couple minutes in silence, and I'm in shock when he's the one who initiates a game of war. all I do is smile to myself as the pile in the middle of the table begins. we get caught up in it; both of us are tense, and he finally slaps his hand down on the pile before I do. my hand is covering his, evidence of my defeat.

"hey!" he cheers, looking up at me with a surprised grin and dragging the pile towards him. I narrow my eyes.

"I was distracted." I roll my eyes.

"yeah?" he starts to laugh as he sets forth another card. "by what? how I'm crushing you?"

"you get one hand and suddenly you're the master, now, huh?" I can't help but giggle. he nods and smiles like, yeah, pretty much. I scoff and we continue to play. halfway through the next round, he speaks up.

"I forgot she always used to read me that poem."

"what poem?" I frown.

"The Parliament of Fowls-- it's how we figured out the book title."

the name slides into place for me at last. I must have read it in college or something, because it didn't leave that big of an imprint on my memory.

"Chaucer?" I raise an eyebrow. his head startles up from staring at the table.

"yeah." he smiles a little. 

"I'm not entirely stupid." I wink before setting down another card. he makes a noncommittal noise.

he seems to get uncomfortable, shifting, then gives up on his previous train of thought. "it's kind of funny, isn't it?"

I just give him an inquisitive look.

"I should have realized sooner. nobody knows things like the fact that JJ collected butterflies except for me." he isn't looking at me, but I notice that he does seem more relaxed than before. his shoulders aren't so hunched over, and there's even a hint of a thoughtful smile on his face.

"that's sweet." I reply softly.

"people tell me their secrets all the time," he stops putting out cards. I stop, too, although he doesn't even notice that we're no longer playing the game. his back is reclined in the chair. "I think it's because they know I don't have anyone to betray them to."

my heart sinks in my chest at the implication. his tone is a bit melancholy, but there's something else in it, too, that I can't quite place. like a resigned loneliness. I want to say something, though I'm not sure what. and I don't think it would make a difference anyway. he continues on before I have to, thankfully.

"except my mom. I tell her... pretty much everything." he looks up at me when he says the last part, smiling. his eyes sparkle, and something about the low tone of voice and the way he gives up all of this at once makes me think that Spencer hasn't spent much time telling his own secrets. only hearing others', storing them away.

"I don't think anyone would mind." I reply.

"you know, I write her a letter every day." his laugh is really lovely. my heart stutters.

"I think that's nice."

"well, it depends on why I write her."

"what do you mean?" this time I frown, my fingertips fidgeting with each other under the table. I hate that I'm nervous right now, worried that I'll somehow ruin the moment.

"I write her letters... so that I don't feel so guilty about not visiting her." each syllable like its own individual battle for him.

the admission is like a cement block between us, something ridiculously heavy that he has compressed and repressed until it's too solid to hide anymore. and he's avoiding contact when he says it, and the moments after. his fingertips mess around with a stray paper clip, twisting the thing into oblivion.

"did you know that schizophrenia is genetically passed?" he asks, then peeks up to gauge my reaction. schizophrenia.

"how long has she been diagnosed?" my own eyes are barely able to hold his. everything in my body wants to reach out and hug him, even though that would only ruin this. Spencer isn't a fan of physical touch.

"since before I was born," he shrugs, poking his palm with the end of the paper clip. "she was on meds but didn't get placed in Bennington until I was eighteen." this also seems to be bitter in his mouth. "you get used to it. it's just... I won't know for a while."

I nod. it likely won't manifest for a couple years with him, but that only puts a ticking clock over his head. and, judging by the way his body is sinking into the swivel chair, he senses it constantly. I wish I could tell him that he doesn't have it, that he won't have it, except I can't. there's no way for anyone to find out right now.

"I'm sorry, Spence." it's a weak thing to say-- stupid, really. I've never had a way with words. instead, I pour every ounce of my emotion into it. I don't want him to feel alone. I guess I'm sorry for that, too, along with everything else. nobody deserves to deal with that by themselves.

"it's okay," he smiles. "it is what it is, right?"

"I mean, I think it's a little more complicated than that. but yeah." wow, really fucking eloquent. he chuckles at this, though, brushing his fingers over the top of his deck of cards. he flips the top one over and we return to playing, leaving the conversation to lie open between us.        

...

my body feels like it's been dragged through a corn field by the time we get back to the office. I think I'm still a little in shock, honestly. this whole day has been jam-packed with things, easily the most intense case I've had yet. my morning was occupied by a code-cracking book search, then a series of out-of-place card games with Reid, then his mother arrived and I left them to talk so as not to overwhelm her.

we rescued Rebecca Bryant-- Spencer did, I mean. it was chivalric, how he went into the house and tried to talk down her kidnapper (who happened to be her father). the guy blew himself up, and Morgan tells me that they barely got out of the way in time. I was on the main level with Hotch, trying to find Rebecca. again, Reid came to the rescue with that eidetic memory, recalling the puzzle pieces and a photograph that included an illuminated basement light. the key he received in the mail slipped into her shackles with ease, unlocking her before we carried her out onto the lawn and watched the house burn into an ash-covered shell of itself. I remember the way the smoke billowed into the air, how sparks fluttered out of the windows and dissipated into nothingness.

I stood there like a rock, Reid stumbling up next to me. his face was covered in a sheen of sweat, and his hair was curlier than usual. the heat must have ruined whatever he usually used to smooth it down.

"hey." I'd said, putting my hand on his shoulder as if to offer some kind of stability. he glanced at me with something like unease, then tried to straighten up.

"hi."

"I heard you were a hero in there."

"did Morgan say that?"

"yeah, why?" I laughed. Reid chuckled, shook his head slowly.

"he's teasing me."

"for what?" I frowned.

"pure irony. you know how he always calls me 'pretty boy' and stuff?"

"I sure do." my fist came up to softly slug him in the shoulder. Spencer stumbled a bit and my eyes went wide as I tried to right him before he fell. he made a face as he regained his footing and then I giggled. "you okay, there?"

"I'm fine." he tried to be annoyed, but he was hiding a smile.

"is Rebecca gonna be okay?" I nodded to the ambulance, where he had just spent the past couple minutes talking to the paramedics and checking her condition.

"she'll be okay-- physically, I mean."

"seriously," I watched them close the doors to the vehicle, closing her up inside before they sped off to the hospital. "two years in there."

he nodded and we started to walk to our cars to meet up with the team and head to the office. we both knew his mother was still at Quantico, probably anxiously awaiting his return after she helped him crack the case. but he didn't seem to want to talk about it, so I asked something else that was on my mind.

"do you ever go back and look at old cases?"

"old cases?" he stared at the ground beneath his feet, kicking up the gravel as a way to distract himself. I cleared my throat.

"like, ones that you guys have solved. have you ever gone back and checked to see how the victims are doing now?"

"I haven't worked here long enough for that, really." he had shrugged. I remember how the air felt in my lungs, a little bit poisoned by smoke. still breathable as I inhaled it deeply.

"really makes you think."

"what do you mean?"

"'saving' people has to be more than just sweeping them out of harm's way at the last second, right?" I put air-quotes around the word.

he thinks this over, nodding.

"sorry, I know you're tired." one look at him and I realized that the question I'd posed was one for another time. he walked like there was some unconscionable weight on his shoulders, like he didn't think he deserved his moment of glory for saving that girl's life-- and ours, probably, too.

he looks the same now, pushing the glass doors of the BAU open and immediately focusing in on the windows of the conference room, where the blinds have been lowered to make Diana feel safer. I watch as he runs up the stairs, returning to her as soon as possible.

I wonder what it is to love someone that much, that fear for their well-being that puts you on edge.

Emily places a hand on my shoulder.

"you okay?" she asks, draws my attention away from the closed door of the round table room. I smile and nod cheerfully.

"yep. just ready to go to bed."

"no kidding," she scoffs, slamming her go-bag on her desk. "I feel like I've been up for days."

"so it wasn't just me?" I laugh as I set my things in my own space. she shakes her head slowly and Morgan walks over, his own gait seemingly heavy with exhaustion.

"plans for tonight, ladies?" he jokes.

"with my couch and takeout." Emily replies. once my bag is all packed up, she and Morgan and I wander out of the office. Rossi stops us at the last minute, joining before we head into the hallway to take the elevator downstairs.

I peek once to see Hotch sitting in his office, settled in with the light on like he's been there all day. my brain almost short-circuits at the thought of doing more work in any capacity right now.

"does he ever sleep?" I ask quietly as though he can hear me from all the way over here. Rossi glances at the unit chief through the window, shaking his head slowly and letting out the kind of knowing chuckle that only older people have.

"nope."

"wait," Morgan sees our small grouping, almost does a head count as JJ emerges from her office and sidles up silently next to me while we wait for the steel doors to open. "where's the kid?"

"Spence is flying his mom back to Vegas." JJ replies right away. when I saw him disappear into that room, I knew they wouldn't leave for a while; moving her around so much can't be good for her mental state. but I guess they're eager to get her to the sanitarium, which also makes sense.

"oh, okay." Morgan shrugs. I chance a look in that direction. the blinds are still drawn. Medieval literature. huh. part of me begins to think about all the things she must know, must have passed down to Reid.

...

"I'm gonna say... three." my voice is uncertain at first, but then the flavor coats my tongue and I smack my lips. "yeah."

Spencer's nonresponse is damning. I hear the puff of air he exhales in frustration as I lift the sleeping mask up from my eyes. I got it from my go-bag; we've decided to repurpose it for the morning in the office. technically, we could just close our eyes and keep it simple, but I thought it would be sort of funny because there are two huge cartoon eyes printed on the front.

"I'm right, aren't I?" I smirk, eyes landing on his crossed arms and taut expression. he shrugs.

"I think you're cheating."

"how am I cheating?" I laugh.

"I don't know, but you are." he shakes his head as I wrap my fingers around the handle and take a sip of the coffee. we're taste-testing to see who's better at finding the sugar content. it's become a pattern of ours: I make him a cup and he makes me one and then we drop in the sugar packets while the other keeps their eyes covered. it's actually pretty fun, especially because I'm good at it.

"your turn, then." I take off the sleeping mask and hand it over to him. he slips the thing over his eyes and waits patiently for me to put the sugar packets in. I chew on my bottom lip as I decide what number to do.

as I do this, JJ stands behind my shoulder.

"nap time, Spence?" she asks him with a chuckle. I explain before he has the opportunity to slander me with more cheating accusations.

"we're trying to see how good we are at detecting the number of sugars." I pick up six packets, knowing it'll definitely overload his senses. this'll teach him to call me a liar. JJ's eyes widen.

"cover your ears, Reid, I don't want you to hear me tearing them open." I order. he obliges, and I can sense the frown on his face while I dump in the sweetener.

"okay." I mix it with the stirrer before placing it in front of him.

"this thing smells like lavender." he observes randomly in reference to my sleeping mask.

"it's got scented stuff inside the fabric." I say.

"interesting. did you know that lavender is actually proven to be much more effective than--"

"Spence, just drink the coffee. I have to go talk to Hotch about something and I wanna see how this ends." JJ cuts him off light-heartedly. I purse my lips because I was sort of interested in what he was going to say, but he takes the not-so-subtle hint and lifts the mug.

I expect him to be repulsed by the sweetness, or at least to show some kind of discomfort. however, he takes a long draw before setting it on the table. his hand clutches onto the mug, still, as he pulls the mask off.

"five. this is my usual concoction." he clenches his jaw in complete seriousness. I have to fight an enormous grin, though it just turns into me twisting my mouth to the side of my face and JJ raising her eyebrows in surprise.

"what? am I wrong?" he gets nervous, voice going up an octave as he glances between the two of us. JJ averts her eyes, smiling.

"you lose!" I cackle, throwing my hand up for JJ to high-five. Spencer looks at me like I've stolen his life's savings.

"no! there's no way--"

"I forgot how many you usually put in there and I still won." I feign an awed expression.

"it's okay, Spence. you can always practice." JJ pats his shoulder sympathetically and then leaves us, running up the stairs to Hotch's office. I'm still smirking triumphantly as he glares at me.

"don't hate the player," I sigh, throwing my hands up. "hate the game."

"well, the player also happened to invent the game, so I think I'm entitled." he counters. I snort at his quickness.

"can I try this?" I point to the mug. "I've never had one with six."

he pushes the drink in my direction with his fingertips, almost having given up on trying to fight the loss. "there were six? that's only one off."

"yeah, but you need to get it right to win, dummy." I take a sip of the coffee. it's so sweet, though, that I shake my head and set it back down. "what in God's name is that?"

"you made it!" I sort of like the way his voice gets higher-pitched when he's vehement about something. it's cute.

"I wish I hadn't." I shove it over to him, half-expect that he'll not touch it now that I've taken a drink from it. but he continues to take ingest the caffeine, undeterred. I quirk an eyebrow silently, watching him.

"what?" he asks.

"nothing," I stand up. "come on, we should get some work done. I don't want Hotch to come down here and yell at us."

#baby spence #baby spencer reid #spencer reid fic #criminal minds #fanfic #slow burn #friends to lovers

[fencesandfrogs]

cloudtail’s daughter: jayfeather

alright, strap in, it's time for jayfeather. i've been holding it in on him for what feels like forever now; he's ya boy's favorite character

also, aside from dove and ivy, he's the character with the highest volume of changes to canon. even above cloudtail and brightheart, because they continue their lives, it's not a big deal. and lion and cinder go to the tribe, but like, that's it. (i'm figuring out if jay goes with them over the course of this essay. i think i said he did in holly? but he literally hasn't been mentioned once in that arc because there's a lot going on.) anyway lion and cinder don't get up to anything. but jay's priorities shift and we see that in his books. i'm really excited to write him but i need to finish arc 1 lmao.

but first, same deal as always. this is part of my cloudtail's daughter au, where dovekit and ivykit are born to cloudtail and brightheart. i don't know how well this will read preemptively, but i suspect it will be rather dependent on the others. cloudtail's daughter: dovewing and/or the long post that explains it are both good places to start, see the cloudtail's daughter tag on my blog.

[2.5k words, 14 minute read, one of the last warriors essays on this blog. i'm going to finish out with my character essays and then everything will be on new sideblog. so check out @mallowstep for more.]

section one: the leafpool business

at the beginning of this series, leafpool and jayfeather are on bad terms. they will stay on bad terms for basically the entirity of the book series. while one of my main complaints with po3/oots is the lack of acknowledgement of adoption, jayfeather has been lied to by his mother and his mentor, something neither hollyleaf or lionblaze have to contend with, and then his sister kills herself over it. obviously she doesn't, but from his perspective. so he blames leafpool because he was really close to hollyleaf and now she's gone, and it's his first real loss, and there's so much going on.

and so he's a grouch and he's unhappy and he's just trying to function when his whole support system has been dismantled over the course of what, like, a quarter moon? yeah so dovekit and ivykit are like "wow what a grouch he sucks" the same way they don't realize prey is dying of thirst & etc.

for the most part he's j chilling and then hollyleaf comes back and man is it some family drama. unfortunately it's postponed til book 4 because hollyleaf and jayfeather have journeys but anyway i'm getting ahead of myself, because this section should end and unlike the hollyleaf essay i want to actually have decent organization.

section two: hollyleaf is away (but jayfeather doesn't get to play)

holly, cinder, and dove go to deal with beavers. we only get jayfeather through lionblaze in the books, but jayfeather is...conflicted. he got his sister back and lost her again and oh i should say. i think jayfeather and hollyleaf are the closer pair of the siblings. not that they don't love lionblaze the same, but you know how cats pair bond? like, it's usually a trauma thing, but even in feral cats, you see very close friendships. anyway yeah so for other au's i've been sorting siblings n denmates into pairs for this purpose (mostly jaywing au because there's a lot re. dovepaw and jaypaw and remember they are reincarnated siblings they've got a close bond going.) and it's kind of...i don't know my point is jayfeather misses his sister because she's like, his best friend too. or she was. and then she died and now she's back and she left again, and lionblaze is more concerned about cinderheart, so jayfeather just comes off as grouchy all the time. but really he's lonely and sad.

so yeah, jayfeather is kind of moping around camp and then the tree falls and whoops now briarpaw/light is parapalegic.

and uhh this goes more or less as in canon but we don't get pov which is fine bc u can sub in canon. but jayfeather? he's still a sad boy but now he's a sad boy with purpose and that makes all the difference

yeah he's close with her. they're sweet. it's sweet. he's pressured by brambleclaw to take an apprentice. he's bristly and angry and "you're not my real father" you know?

beaver crew gets back. jayfeather, who had missed holly, is back to being angry for...angst and plot purpose, really.

but you know, when you love & miss someone and they leave and they come back and somehow that's worse because now they can leave you again? and you can't tell them you want them to stay because you're angry and hurt but you want them to stay? god i'm excited to write these chapters i love emotional turmoil.

he's protective of briarlight, he's trying to keep dovepaw from being a medicine cat, hollyleaf is apologizing but he's not ready to hear it and lionblaze and hollyleaf are beginning to reconnect and it feels like betrayal. so when cinderheart and lionblaze go to the tribe, he tags along. everyone, uh, strongly encourages he go. he is the big grouch.

section three: time travelling times

okay so the timeline for these books is...messy. if you track the chronology of my writing, it's messy. which is to say, i was thinking i could put forgotten warrior and distant whispers over the same time span, but that actually doesn't work, as i review my notes for FW because a big part of it is ivy and holly's relationship. so. fake news. whoops. that sucks.

or maybe it doesn't? idk i don't usually tell linear stories. i like messing with emotional impact of events. so writing 600k of very linear story telling is very not easy for me. but i'm trying.

right so basically the official order of events until i change my mind again is as follows (names abbreviated as DIHLJC because they're all unique): DCH returns from beavers, DILCJ go to tribe with some other random warrior undecided, J + rando return, JH start awkwardness (beginning of TFW, middle of DW), DILC return (end of DW), time travel stuff (middle to end of TFW). hopefully that was intelligble, but it is admittedly 85% for my own benefit.

alright so we've covered during beavers, now jayfeather and hmmmm let's say, uhhhh, let's say they go with, literally any interesting background character, uh, bumblestripe! he doesn't do anything in this au bumblestripe goes with them. also since his name starts w b i can still write DIHLJCB and have things be unambigious. and it means there are fewer bs in thunderclan and trust me you don't know how frustrating the existence of like 6 b characters is.

alright so we really have 3 sets of two pairs of cats here. maybe i won't go w bumblestripe, bc he doesn't have an existing relationship w jayfeather. i dunno. i'm a big fan of jay & briar, whether as a ship or just besties, but that's just out, and hollyleaf can't come a) because i said so and b) honestly maybe she can? actually wait hold on that solves my problems. hot damn so 6/6 of the pov cats go to the tribe and this will be one of the only times all six characters are plot relevant at the same time. but i'm going george r r martin on it and seperating the books not by time but into DICL + JH because they're two completely separate character arcs that happen to take place at the same time. (don't worry i'm going to resolve the fallen leaves thing. in this essay ig bc i've already covered hollyleaf.)

okay so yeah hollyleaf is sent bc jayfeather isn't planning on staying w tribe for long time. just short time. and he's all "firestar why"

"well jayfeather," firestar says, "you don't talk to your family."

"i talk to dovewing," jayfeather says

"you're not related to her," firestar says

"there's a whole prophecy about how i'm related to her," jayfeather says

"you know about that?" firestar says

and that's how the cat gets out of the bag.

so anyway. jayfeather and hollyleaf are sent because...hold on, spinning the wheel of reasons for a character to go on a field trip...because...because...because...because...jayfeather had one of those dreams. i don't know. rock or something. now he's going.

they get there, and this is where the books get a lil time wonky, bc jayfeather and hollyleaf stay for like a moon, during which jayfeather goes back in time. i think.

i haven't worked out the details and probably won't until i do an updated au synopsis because it's hard to keep track and i'm more concerned about character through lines. like, jayfeather does this and he feels sad, and hollyleaf is sad about her ghost boyfriend, and they're travelling back together, and hollyleaf is his sister and she doesn't make him feel like he needs protection and lionblaze is bad at that, and they start to talk again.

and yeah, they bond. again. it's kind of, on top of their old bond? like they don't repair anything, they bond like strangers. but it's not nothing, and that matters.

so jayfeather gets back, and we're moving into book five, and i don't remember when the last time i made a section break was or what number we're on, so...sorry.

section ???: old man yells at cloud

alright it's finally jayfeather's moment. you know, he's one of my favorite characters, and he only gets a book and a half. "but mateo," i hear you saying, "doesn't every character get a book and a half? and more importantly, 6x1.5 is 9, so how does every character get a book and a half?" well, yes, every character does, but dovewing and ivypool are relevant in books 1-3 and 6, cinderheart in 1-3 and 5, lionblaze in 1-3, and hollyleaf in 2-5 (and has a critical role in 1 and 6, just no character development), while jayfeather is just really essential to books 4-5, and has a background role in 3. that means he's about equal to lionblaze. he's equal to lionblaze. as far as the numbers go, i cannot tell you. it's a mystery.

right so the reason for this is because (a) jayfeather doesn't do that much in oots. i love him, but he's not, like, super important, and (b) he's going to work better in these books if he's concentrated. because his big theme is his relationship with hollyleaf and the past. they're both kind of stuck in it but in different ways. and that prevents them from ever properly healing. so jay never has a full arc in this. i mean he has a full arc, it's just not a satisfying one. and that means he's sort of got to be put in the containment units.

so anyway, he gets his real big moments in the fifth book, when he's reuniting starclan. i think this is one of the riskier decisions on my part: we'll see whether or not i can deliver on him the way i plan to. but i think i can pull it off so that his arc is more meaningful condensed as such.

right. so. jayfeather is decided. he is going to fix starclan. because dead cats need to get thier shit together and he dgaf.

he spends a decent amount of time arguing with yellowfang and bluestar, because basically no important cats have died. at least we're in omen of the stars so it still makes sense? i have no idea why yellow/blue are still so important. please kill more important cats. it makes us feel things.

but feathertail is also probably going to be involved, i don't know. i haven't read these books (specifically, books 4 and 5 of oots) in forever so i don't really remember what happens. but he's kind of, super done with everything. i think he'll probably try to get the support of mothwing and kestrelflight (which is canon i believe?) and try to work as a team. i feel like there's weirdness w shadowclan too i should sort out.

so yeah, there's some medicine cat bonding, everything is OK, sol is happening? but cinderheart is dealing with that. jayfeather is naturally very upset about disconnects with sol but like he's also dealing with stuff i...i really need to reread outcast and sign of the moon. well, they're on my list after "all of these fucking riverclan novels like why they don't show up in the main series but i still have to read a bunch to be able to write them that's not fair."

alright, well, with that very vague description of what happens, moving on, the prophecy gets revealed to the clans at a whole in like...the ending eighth of this book. trying to maximise the amount of exposure to other clans without messing with the pacing.

so jayfeather and undecided warrior B (definitively not hollyleaf) go to windclan. jayfeather is...very unhappy about this. he does not want to leave. thunderclan is his home, and he's blind, and it's really hard to adapt to a new space and he thinks everyone is going to treeat him badly.

and well, if you've read my culture posts, windclan is....very pro-medicine cats and pro-prophecy cats. funerals. mourning. prayer. is probably the best place to start, but to get to the meat of it, start with general clan culture. to summarize, windclan: religious. but kind of like catholics, they don't believe in an individual connection with starclan. only leaders, and medicine cats, and very rarely members of prophecies have a connection. so. jayfeather. he's twice over. that's very cool to windclan.

so cats are kind of falling over themselves to help him, and like. i mean jayfeather is a grouch and he hates that he needs someone to help him through the territory, but at least they don't treat it like a chore, or like he's pitiable. this is a desirable task. apprentices want to know about his powers. and kestrelflight is a respected part of the clan, arguably more important than onestar, and jayfeather has never really gotten over being shoved in the healer hole as a child like it was lesser or easier to be a medicine cat, and so it's a big change.

and yeah. so i mean. an unobservant reader might say jayfeather has sufficient ego. he does not need stroking. they, of course, would be wrong.

jayfeather has a complex, but it's not an ego issue. he's...he's been denied everything he's wanted, and he's jaded, and weary, and he's never really believed that his clan views him as able and equal. in canon, at present, he's lost almost every cat he's every cared about. alderheart is his strongest remaining tie, and his fear at losing him, but willingness to let him leave, is very telling.

so yeah, jayfeather enjoys being accepted. anyone would. he doesn't really have confidence issues, but....argh. i know why this is good i swear it'll come out in the writing.

anyway, that's...that's pretty much it. jayfeather? done.

#warrior cats #warriors au #warriors #hollyleaf #jayfeather #q #mine #txt #13th #March #2021 #March 13th 2021 #cloudtail's daughter #essay #long

[mementomori-demimonde]

Hidden Scars

I - II - III - IV

Chapter 5

You blink rapidly at the string of codes you’re trying to memorize from the book. It’s been over four hours now and nothing makes sense anymore. For as much as you loathe to admit it, the days where she decides that physical training is needed are much more entertaining than the ones in which she places a volume in your lap and tells you to study and train your brain, instead.

Today has been one of those days and you’re almost bored out of your mind.

So when you hear footsteps approaching, you already know what that means - the digital clock above the shelf only confirms your supposition - and a sense of relief starts to spread through your tired body.

“Enough.” Miranda whispers.

You manage to not expose your eagerness by pretending you’re just obeying her order, and you gladly close the book producing a loud, and utterly satisfying thump.

When you look up, she offers you the usual evening drink. You know you can’t refuse it, so to obediently take it from her hand and gulp it down in one go.

Immediately, the liquor burns your throat and your tongue goes numb for a second while the dizziness settles in your head.

You close your eyes, barely registering Miranda snatching the empty glass from your hand to put it on the coffee table, and you begin to rub at your temples slowly - you’ve noticed it helps with the throbbing a couple of mysterious mixes ago, and there’s no harm in trying.

Leaning on the couch, you throw your head back and rest it on the cushion, hypnotized by the dozens of dancing colorful dots swirling behind your eyelids.

You still when you feel the book being pushed off from your lap, and its almost inconsistent weight being replaced by a much more significant one.

When you trust your head to have stopped spinning and you deem the nausea almost extinguished - or at least unable to cause any damage - you dare to peer down. Two bright, predator blue eyes are peering up from your lap, bare teeth flashing at you with a playful yet dangerous smirk.

You would smile at her for the intimacy of the situation, you would even dare to touch her hair and marvel at the apparent calmness of her, right now, but you know better to do either of those things: Miranda is like a cat. She might look like she’s demanding pets and cuddles one minute - simply because she feels like it - only to slash at your flesh with rogue claws and sharp teeth the next - simply for the sake of it - and quite literally too.

Exhaling heavily from your nostrils, you loll your head back and let your eyelids flutter close again, throwing your arm over your face and hiding in the inside of your bent elbow.

“Miranda, what are we doing?” You didn’t mean to sound so whining, but you did. Knowing how she usually reacts to it, you’re painfully aware you’ve probably made her mad already, so you don’t dare to move your arm and see the expression on her face.

“About what?” She inquires, her voice emotionless.

“I don’t know.” You scoff. “About this, perhaps.” Blindly, you reach down your thigh and retrieve your knife. It’s yours by now and fits perfectly in your hand, it’s been a while since you’ve learned to spin it around your fingers, its weight perfectly balanced with each move.

“You’re pretty in it.” Miranda purrs, echoing herself from the first time she ever put it on you. “Why shouldn’t a girl own a knife and know how to use it?” She snatches it from your hand, but you don’t dare to look, so you don’t know what she’s done with it.

“About this, then.” You sigh, nudging at the book on the carpet with your toes, making it slide across the bristle, the soft rustle invading the silence.

“A trained mind is even prettier on a girl.” Miranda replies, pushing the nape of her neck on your crotch when she readjusts to lay more comfortably.

When you feel her exhale, you imagine she’s closed her eyes. Swallowing, you tentatively unpeel the arm from your face and look down - you were right: her eyes are closed. She almost looks peaceful, relaxed. It’s so wild to know it’s the same wild beast who beat you up several times, slashed your shoulder with her initial, and yet…

“Well?” Miranda cracks an eye open, exhales annoyedly from her nose, “Do go on with your little list, I'm having fun.”

You barely resist the urge of rolling your eyes.

“What about this?” You exhale finally, gesturing your own head with a circular motion of your forefinger, tracing an imaginary aureole, and just to be sure she’s understood, your eyes drift and fix on the empty glass on the table.

“You’ll thank me one day.” She says, shrugging, then closes her eyes again, releasing a long breath, and folds her hand over her stomach.

The shirt she’s wearing has slightly risen up and the small scar on the otherwise flawless, flat expanse of her abdomen is plainly visible. Despite it being your first time stitching up somebody, you congratulate yourself for the work and like a river in full, memories flood in your head - the first time you felt her closer, vulnerable, exposed… reachable even; the first time you believed there was more of her under the thick layer of gratuitous sadism. It was from that moment she has shown that, in fact, there was. Sometimes she showed more, some others she revealed less - there were days where you thought you’d breached through her only to find her so distant, the next, that she was almost unrecognizable. One step closer, a thousand back. A constant chase and you never felt out of breath, not even once. Disappointed, maybe, but never tired.

In fact, there’s another point on your list, perhaps the most important one, but you cannot bring yourself to voice it: gesturing at the both of you would open a discussion you don’t want to make - one that you’re not yet ready to make - because you fear what the outcome might be. But you would, if only you owned more courage, you would look down at Miranda while she’s still resting her head in your lap without a care in the world, you would point out how easy and relaxing this feels even though you don’t have the faintest idea of what, exactly, this is. Asking directly would probably earn you some rough punishment you’re not in the mood to endure, so you opt for something in general, well knowing the actual implication about the two of you won’t be caught or simply glossed over.

“I’m doing all this for a reason, I’d like to know what it is.”

“To please me?” She’s all cheeks while she says that. The dimple next to the corner of her mouth making her appearance and tugging, unconsciously, at something within you - something warm and foreign that, you know, you shouldn’t feel right now.

It’s the last thing you would like to do, letting her get away with that reply, but you can’t help yourself, nor the throaty giggle that escapes your lips.

“Miranda.” It should be a warning, but it serves little to its purpose. You gulp down and find your seriousness back, hoping that you haven’t ruined the tense mood and jeopardize the only, thin chance you had. “Miranda, tell me.”

There’s a slight shift in her demeanor, but after observing her so closely for so much, you notice it right away: the folded arms on her stomach are not just laying there anymore, the muscles are twitching under her freckled skin.

“It doesn’t matter.” She snarls, and you can see her struggling to hide the bite from her words. “What matters is that you need to be ready.” She states.

“Ready for what?” You ask then, your prolonged sigh exasperated.

“Stop.” She replies calmly, but the vibrating danger lies beneath. “The world I live in is dangerous, and knowledge is a double-edged sword.”

“How is that relevant?” You scoff, crossing your arms over your chest, keeping your elbows high enough not to hit her square in the face. “You never even let me out of this place.”

“And I won’t. You are safer here.”

Now you can see her jaw tightening too. The feeble twitching of her cheeks and the subtle movements along her neck tells you she’s struggling even harder to keep her anger at bay - you’re vexing her, you’re getting on her nerves, but you can’t back away, not now, not anymore: she would deem you weak and punish you anyway but knowing you’ve disappointed her would burn more than anything else.

“Then what? What should I be ready for?” Your voice is controlled, soft, letting her know your curiosity is barely fueled by the need to actually know what’s behind all this. To know everything - given she will tell you everything, one day - you’ve got time. A lot too, according to her plan to never let you out of that damn apartment.

“I said safer, not safe, m’eudail.” Miranda exhales a long sigh from her nostrils.

She’s so close to the breaching point you’re even afraid to swallow too loudly by now. You should be glad she worries about your safety, but you know better than to bask in that thought. And the fact that she’s toying so deliberately with you makes your blood boil: she might not know about the things going through your mind, as of late, but she can’t have just lost her ability to read you so easily and so suddenly - she chooses those words like she cares while you know very well she doesn’t.

That’s too much. You don’t mind about crossing the border anymore; whatever punishment she thinks is fit, it doesn’t matter.

“So kind of you to teach me things for imaginary enemies or whatever that will never have the chance to hurt me.”

Her eyes snap open, black pupils thinning in a fraction of seconds into an expanding ocean of bright blue. She’s not looking directly at you, but you feel small and screwed nonetheless - her glare very well burnt into your mind to pop up at every right occasion.

If you weren’t already sitting down, you’re sure your knees would buckle.

“I’m trying to teach you this so my enemies or whatever don’t get too close to you.” She says, her voice surprisingly flat. If you didn’t know any better - or fear the reaction upon inquiring - you’d say she’s just parroting a premeditated response. Something she practiced over and over until she’s started to believe those words were true even if they hadn’t started as such.

Still, you need to work with what you have. You know she’s not always sincere - she hardly ever is - but you have no other choice than to believe her.

Hence, Miranda is not exactly worried about you getting hurt, but getting caught by whatever danger lurks outside that building. Honestly, it’s insulting, after what she forced you to endure from the moment she kidnapped you.

“You think I’d sell you out?” You wince in disgust, turning your head away even if you don’t care to be seen. “You know I would never-”

Miranda lifts up from your lap. She’s quick, doesn’t use her hand to hoist herself: before you can register her movement, she’s gone, sitting neatly beside you, her arms still folded over her chest. The similar position makes you drop yours immediately, your teeth grazing at your lip.

“I know you wouldn’t.” She nods, you can see it with the corner of your eye: she nods softly, her head low, her gaze fixed on her feet. “Not at first, at least, not before one of those heroic, classic speeches that go like ‘I’d rather die than speak’,” she says, mocking a random high-pitched voice, “but then, in the end, with the people I know-” She scoffs, the ghost of a bittersweet smile blooming on her mouth, “Death will be the only thing you’ll wish for.”

You watch her, trying to decide whether she’s completely sincere now or it’s just another of those rehearsed phrases she intends to feed you. There’s a part of you that wants so desperately to believe her, but the other just can’t envisage an actual criminal organization wanting to get to you, torture you only to get information about... you don't fucking know about what, like in the movies. It’s just too wild. Miranda’s universe is fucked up, you’re there by chance and you decided to stay because… whatever the reason, you refuse to be part of that grander design.

It has nothing to do with you.

You agreed to stay with her, not that world of hers that would hardly ever reach you, confined in that New York building, far from any human contact.

“Are you trying to scare me?”

The harsh noise of her hand colliding with the sofa into a resonant slap makes you jerk. Your heart shoots in your throat, pounding loudly in your temples.

“You just don’t get it, do you?” Miranda is looking directly at you, her eyes flaming in blue tongues of fire and you can’t do anything but stare back, your breath catching and feeling all the blood drain from your veins. “This is not a fucking game!” She glares, points blindly at the window. “It is really that awful out there!”

Unconsciously, you notice you’ve pulled your knees against your chest, curling up into a ball on the couch. Miranda notices as well, you don’t know why she sighs, but she does, the anger slowly but steadily leaving her eyes.

“Okay. Okay, I’m sorry.” You mumble, at least grateful she has decided not to leash out on you - not yet.

Maybe those anger management tapes she listens to in her room at night are giving some results. She doesn’t know you know, of course, and imagine she’d be embarrassed, so you keep the secret.

“Like it or not, you chose to enter my world the day you decided to stay.” She says, voice incredibly flat.

“I get it.” You assure, slightly annoyed. How can you ever forget that when she keeps reminding you? Sometimes you feel like she’s trying to make you regret your choice of staying. “But let’s assume your enemies were to catch me,” you’re barely aware of the dramatic eye roll, but the fact that she’s not clawing at your throat yet, encourages you to keep going, “they will probably think I know something and torture me or whatever shit you’re afraid they’ll do to me anyway, so you might as well just tell me what we’re doing. Right?” You’re not exactly sure when you’ve started rambling, but when you realize that perhaps that stream of thoughts hardly makes sense to someone outside your head, you sigh and worry at your lip.

Slowly, you turn your head to the side, wincing innocently when Miranda glares at you with narrowed eyes.

“Nice try.” She replies dryly, then a throaty, disbelieved chuckle erupts from her lips.

It’s kinda nice to know that she still finds you amusing, sometimes, after getting so much on her nerves. A couple of months ago, she would have you killed for much less.

Without much warning, you see her hand flaring up in a calculated move. You think she’ll deliver something harsh - a slap, a grip on your neck, a fistful of hair - instead she loops her fingers in the collar of your shirt and pulls you in for a kiss. Startled and taken aback, you return it without closing your eyes, brow furrowing at the unexpected softness of the contact. Because it’s always about her, you yelp when she bites into your bottom lip, making you taste copper on your tongue, but that doesn’t surprise you.

She wipes at the small drop of blood on her own mouth with the back of her hand and clicks her tongue, crocking her lips into an amused and yet dangerous smirk.

“One of these days I need to teach you to do what you’re told without making annoying questions.” She whispers. There are a lot of implications in that statement and you feel a shiver run up your spine. “Off to bed.”

When she slaps your exposed thigh, the stinging sensation crawling and spreading onto your skin brings you suddenly to yourself again. You’re alert, but you’re back to be puzzled and irritated. You lower your feet to the carpet, yet you don’t make any effort to stand up and leave.

Instead, you take in a shaky breath, her taste still lingers in your mouth, and you unfold and fold your arms on your chest, squirm lightly on the padded seat. You should leave, obey - you don’t want to.

“Well?” She inquires curiosity, cocking an eyebrow.

She’s calm now, she’s just kissed you, slapped you playfully - although a little harshly - on your thigh… you can try again. You can dare.

“Come with me?” Your voice is barely above a whisper. You didn’t like to sound so needy or clingy, but it’s too late now: your voice has betrayed you.

Miranda blinks and, in her heartbeat, her eyes have changed their light: one glimpse at her face, and you know her mood has shifted again.

“Stop asking.” She exhales, falling into the seatback, shoulders slouching.

“Miranda you just can’t keep doing this.” It’s your turn to slap your hand flat on the couch. You didn’t mean to snap, but it’s too late for that too.

“Careful kitten, I'd suggest withdrawing your claws.”

“I-” Your breath hitches when you watch her scoot closer.

There’s still a gap between the two of you, but she’s there, ready to jump - she is the cat, the feral one, done with the cuddles and yearning for blood. You know she’s going to, so - fuck it - better to just pull it out and get over with it. “It’s just that- you’re close, then you’re distant, you’re kind and nice one moment and a real bitch the next. It’s confusing.”

You try to suffocate the yelp when her hand comes to fist at your hair, but it’s too sudden. Instinctively, you reach up and grab at her wrist to lessen her pull, but you’re helpless and soon you find yourself following her, stumbling on the furniture and on your own feet as she hoists you up effortlessly and drags you into the other side of the apartment.

“I’ll make it simple for you simple, then.” She snarls sharply behind clenched teeth. “Let me remind you that the sole fact that you’re still alive and breathing is a miracle.”

You know better than to ask for mercy: you called this upon yourself, you had it coming, so begging and pleading won’t serve you much. You clench your jaw and hope for the tears pricking at the corner of your eyes to not fall down so soon; however, when the iron door of your old cell comes to sight, it’s impossible to stop their advance.

She’s flushed behind you, her chest pressed on your back. The hand that fists your hair yanks your head backward until her lips are ghosting over your cheek, the other arm wrapped around your waist keeping you still. You can only stare at the vault in front of you.

“You want to go back in there?” She asks, her voice saccharine and warm against your skin.

“No.” You whimper.

“No.” She mocks.

Smacking a kiss on the apple of your cheeks, she’s back at tugging. She pulls you up to the door of the apartment, its white surface a few inches from your nose while she takes her previous position.

“You want to leave and never come back?”

“No.”

“No.” She echoes. This time, she kisses you properly, then bites until you yelp and try to squirm away.

When she pushes you into your room, you almost fall onto your knees, but luckily you manage to stay upright. You turn abruptly on your heels, you stare at her, swallow when she lifts her forefinger, and point it at you.

Her gaze is firm, owning you completely.

“Listen to my advice, m’eudail: take what you can and live with it. I learned it a long ago, it’s time you learn it too.”

#miranda croft #miranda croft x reader #tfa #the flight attendant #ao3 #fanfiction #reader insert #hidden scars #four lines

[thuskindlyshescatters]

HI! I was wondering, when you make AMVs, are there some general things that you keep in mind or try to do? For example, synchronizing the changes in the clips or whatnot with the music. I'm kinda asking for advice, so I'd be really grateful to hear anything you have to say.

Ohhh, boy...

OH BOY,,,,,,,

This is probably gonna get really, really long, because I happen to be an aspiring filmmaker, so seeing someone ask ME for advice on AMV craftsmanship just makes my heart soar. So, thank you for that

Here’s a couple of my tips and tricks! Note that these are just my preferences, as many other styles and techniques are available to people who use different software.

You’re correct in the assumption that changing clips to the beat of the music (beat-syncing, as I unofficially call it in my head) plays a HUGE role in making AMVs. To make that smoother, I think that being able to see the waveform of the music you’re editing to is a great tool, because I know exactly where the downbeat I want to sync to is. As well as syncing cuts to beat, I think syncing the action within a shot to the beat, like someone blinking or their footsteps, adds an extra layer of immersion. This can be hard to do sometimes given the length of the shot, but the effect is worth it.

Sometimes beat-syncing isn’t precisely the way to go, however. Often, slow, soft fades are much more effectively when matching tempo adagio or slower, or quiet music. And never underestimate the power of a black screen; when the audience has just been hit with a pensive moment, give them time to think. I point to my “Bohemian Rhapsody” video for advice on both of these -- if it’s a slow song, slo-mo, fading, and sometimes straight-up darkness is the way to go.

Just for general creation advice, my “routine” for making videos follows thusly:

Choose the song you want to use. If you scroll through my channel, a lot of the songs I choose are 4+ minutes, mostly because songs that are longer tend to be about something. It’s hard to show meaning and create a visual story to a song with no relevance to the themes of the show.

Write down all the lyrics to the song and break lines according to when you want to change visuals, or make a note indicating when the shot will change (i.e. “One shot per downbeat”, which is usually hell to make and so fun to watch). 

Think to yourself, how do I want to organize these visuals? For example, will each verse go chronologically through the show? Will I follow the character arc of one specific character? Just trailers? Just Volumes 1-3? Just 4-6? If it’s a song with multiple “acts”, like “The Killing Kind” on my channel, the answer may be all of the above. Or none -- maybe just all the fights in the show! Just know that the viewer tends to associate chronology the best with the logical progression of a cluster of shots -- if I show the fight on top of the train, Cinder vs Neo, and the fight of the Grimm Reaper, your brain goes “oh, she’ll probably show the mech fight, or the fight with Adam, or the Silver Eyes sequence next” because your brain has figured out that all of these intense scenes are from Volume Six. This is why I find it annoying to do meaningless, upbeat pop songs -- action is exciting, but often when the entire song is action, you have to jump around a lot, and the audience quickly becomes lost.

Now it’s time to “block,” as I call it. For each line or phrase of the song, find the most appropriate shot in the context that you’ve just established (a character’s arc, a Volume, an episode, even), and write a brief description so that you, when you read those words, know what shot that means. I also tag the volume and episode it’s from. For example, some of the common shots I use are “Arm severing (3:11)”, “Pyrrha disintegrating (3:12)”, and even silly ones like “Cinder gets rekt (5:13)” that still get the point across, because I know what I mean. This step is where having an obsessive, encyclopedic knowledge of the show is pretty useful, especially if you want to avoid reusing shots but have the same lyrics as before to work with.

After that, you FINALLY start editing. I cut out ALL of the shots I’m using first by ctrl+F-ing the document I blocked in and going in release order, starting with the Red Trailer, all the way through 6:13. I find the shot and cut it at the very first frame and the very last. It doesn’t matter if it will only be used for 0.4 seconds (literally) -- having all 10 seconds of material may come in handy. Sometimes in this step I see an unused shot that might be better than what I originally intended, so a lot of swaps can be made. After that’s done, I put the shots in order and add the song.

Then you CUT THAT SHIT DOWN, SON. You might have 45 minutes of content before you start editing. In this stage, don’t add any sorts of transitions or anything -- just beat-sync the shots as well as you can, then go back and rewatch to see if there are things you want to fix. Consistency is key; sometimes, lyrics and the beat are syncopated, and you have to choose whether to sync to the downbeat or the words, and then remember that decision for the next verse. This step is my favorite part of the entire process, but it usually takes the least amount of time.

Once you’re SURE it’s properly synced, now it’s time for transitions and colors and whatnot. Transitions should always follow the tone of that part of the song -- is it fast? Is it full of movement? I’ve found that cymbal crashes and other high-pitched percussive noises are best accompanied by a flash or white-fade transition. I generally prefer more simplistic transitions; the meaning and tone of the song is more important to me than looks and showing off. Same goes for color editing; the eye expects to see an approximate parallel to what it’s used to, which means you better have a damn good reason if it’s suddenly going to be in X-ray mode. Obviously, black and white or washed-out colors are more somber or grimdark, and fully saturated colors are more jubilant. Mess around with it -- you have been a consumer of art your entire life, so at this point, your eye knows what looks nice!

That’s probably nowhere NEAR all of my thoughts, but that’s mostly how I do it! My best advice is to find what you love to do most about it -- for me, it’s beat syncing -- and study in AMVs you like to watch how they do it. Don’t plagiarize, but do imitate if it helps you learn, because I know for a fact that I learn something new from every video I watch and create.

If you have any more questions, feel free to ask them! I’m thrilled to receive them. And, if you're planning on making a video, shoot me a link -- I’d love to see your art!

[ryncarmine]

Conlang References for the Beginner

I love language. I’m a writer, it shouldn’t really be a surprise - the written word has been a great love of mine all my life, I’ve been telling stories ever since I could talk, and writing them down since I could hold a pencil. I think that’s the case for a lot of us, really, professional or not. There’s a passion that drives us to do what we do. And for those of us in the scifi/fantasy corner of the business, language has a whole other avenue available - conlang.

I’ve made up “languages” before, haphazard things as a child, throwing words together with barely any cohesiveness and consistency, but I’ve reached a point where I’m not only aware that there’s a process - I want to try it. Conlanging is an art I doubt I have the discipline to master, but it would greatly enrich my current project so I’d like to gather up a few things for a quick reference of my own, and a reclist for anyone who’s interested. Below the cut, you’ll find recs for a few books, several free online articles, and my own thoughts on the process.

My first introduction to conlang may well have been in Lord of the Rings, but I really don’t know. My first indepth introduction to the process, however, was from Mark Rosenfelder. I read through several articles over at zompist.com, years back, and found myself fascinated. I’ve since purchased three of his books which I can’t begin to rec enough.

The Planet Construction Kit was first, and I’ve used it extensively in my worldbuilding, not only for cultural notes but the actual development of the planet itself.

Then, possibly around the same time even, I purchased The Language Construction Kit - there’s a shorter, online version that covers the basics here, and it’s since been updated to a second volume, Advanced Language Construction, which I haven’t purchased but am certain is also a gem.

These books take you pretty much step-by-step through the mechanics of developing a language, from a much simpler naming language through something with a full grammar and writing system of its own. There’s a learning curve, if you’re not really familiar with linguistic terms, but it’s well worth the read and the vocabulary isn’t anything a quick google couldn’t clear up if you couldn’t guess from context alone.

The third one I’ve purchased is The Conlanger’s Lexipedia, which takes the language you’ve built in the construction kits and helps you build your vocabulary up. Not in a specific 1-to-1 ratio, mind, you’re not necessarily just remaking your mother tongue with new words. But it takes you through figuring out what sorts of words are most common, and what sorts of concepts you might find relevant based on your worldbuilding. It’s a fascinating read and an excellent tool in addition to the rest.

I’ve read the PCK cover to cover and skimmed the vast majority of the two linguistics books, and in combination with some other articles I’m finally feeling like I might dip my toes into the art of conlang.

Assuming one hasn’t invested in these books, however (and I do suggest you do), there are still many free avenues to take. (For one, please do consider looking at your local library for books about phonetics and linguistics in general as a way of becoming familiar with the jargon and concepts.)

Phonology: The first step out of everything is the sounds. You need to figure out what your language sounds like, literally. This is achieved through cherrypicking consonants and vowels - and there’s a lot more available than any single language uses, especially once one considers digraphs (consonant pairs) and diphthongs (vowel pairs) as well. Here’s some good places to learn about your options:

internationalphoneticalalphabet.org has an IPA chart you can click the symbols on and hear them spoken (super handy if you don’t know what the symbols stand for and find the written examples too confusing)

if you prefer seeing it written out, though, check out this page

Wikipedia has a good article about it if you want details

there’s a listing here of phonetics jargon, to help with all the terms you run into

Orthography: Now you have your sounds, so you need to figure out how you’re going to represent them. This is, essentially, your alphabet, and will come in two forms. One, however it’s written for your language and two, however it translates back into real-world languages. (At this point, you probably should focus more on the translation than making a writing system/font for it.)

if you need more information on orthography, Wikipedia has a good article here explaining what it entails

Word Building: This is what councilofelrond.com calls “phonology constraints” (see article here) where you decide what combination of letters is allowed in your writing. How many vowels can you put in a row? Consonants? What can begin a word? Anything like that. The article actually covers all of this that I’m going over, so it’s a great read too.

Grammar: This is the first of two beasts. This is all your writing rules. This is the umbrella under which rests every mechanic by which your conlang functions. This is the guts of it all, the backbone upon which your conlang will flesh out to function as a real language.

partsofspeech.org is a pretty good place to take a look at exactly what it says on the tin - parts of speech

also here’s a really quick look at some basic English grammar lessons

Vocabulary: This is the second of two beasts. This is all the words you make up, and put to use according to your grammar to use for writing. Rosenfelder’s book is an excellent jump point for this, but you can always come up with things as you need them if necessary. It’s more efficient to build from roots, however.

here’s a massive list of root words and prefixes for some quick ideas

here’s another one

Obviously, googling around will give you more resources for all these steps, these are just things I’ve used/researched quickly as references. Long post, but there should be some useful things for anyone getting started.

Edit: Honorable mention to the conlanging software Vulgar, which can be used to take you step-by-step through developing a language, or even create random ones to use quickly. It has a very basic free version and a much more complex one you can buy. Anything you make out of it can be used freely, no credit required.

There’s also reference pages, including a thorough click-and-hear IPA chart.

#conlang #book recs #tools and sites #masterlist

[lightsandlostbells]

Skam France episode 9 (S1 finale) reaction

Thanks to everyone who reads these things! I’ve gotten a lot of nice messages and comments since I started blathering my thoughts on Skam remakes into the void, which I didn’t expect, and it makes my day. Even if you don’t agree with me on something, I appreciate hearing your thoughts. I love talking about sad teens and their drama and it has been a grand time talking about sad teens and their drama with others! 

Also thank you to everyone who translates or helps increase accessibility to any of the Skam shows, I am truly amazed by the kindness and generosity of everyone who donates their free time to it. 

Episode 9

Clip 1 - Daphne peed on the wrong stick

Nice job getting in that shot of the condoms and water bottle at the beginning as if to say “I fucking told you so.”

There were apparently several real time errors in this clip in that French students should not have been at school that day, and Daphne mentions having gum at 10 am when the clip dropped at 8 a.m.

This doctor does not quite have the same quality of being from another planet as Dr. Skrulle.

Alex screaming to the heavens about no baby is glorious, but on the other hand, GIRL, you might wanna lower the volume about your friend’s pregnancy scare as people are clearly hearing you.

I love Daphne and think she did a really great job here of being bitter and resigned. I think Vilde was also great in this moment, but I think she was approaching it more from an outwardly (phony) sense of self-assurance. You don’t know want what you’re talking about Noora, I do. And though Vilde is pretty stunned by the doctor’s visit (and tbh I think part of her wanted the baby to be real … but that’s another conversation) you can see her starting to laugh and smile with the other girls before Noora pulls her aside. Then it feels more like cheerful denial that there’s anything wrong with what she’s doing. Daphne seems straight up miserable and defeated.

Clip 2 - Charles creeping again

MY BELOVED THEATER KIDS RETURN. One day they will get their day in the sun. One day. 

TBH Charles has more sleazy charm than William and I can’t determine whether that’ll end up being a good thing or a bad thing.

This clip is WAY better placed than the original, actually! It always seemed off that Noora would be taken in by William telling her she’s beautiful when she still thinks he’s knocked up Vilde. Now that they’ve determined this isn’t the case, it makes slightly more sense. At least that consideration is out of the way.

The only drawback about having the doctor clip before this clip is that it occurs to me that Noora’s conversation with Vilde is likely what prompts Noora tell William to apologize, since Vilde has internalized his words so much to the point of repeating them, and I find it harder to believe that Manon would give a single shit about Charles’ flattery after she’s heard how bad his words made it for Daphne.

Lmao at fucking Charles being like “What are you doing here?” and Manon being like “I go to school here, dipshit”*

* (100% accurate translation)

Wait, this is the same song for the Emma/Yann scene. Is this going to be a Skam France love theme? Will French Even sing it to Lucas?

My favorite thing Emma has done all season was the ensuing text conversation after this clip where she just replies to everything Manon says with “Fuck, you’re so beautiful.”

Clip 3-  Emma and Lucas on the steps

The setup of this scene satisfies one of my burning questions, in that I always wondered what the vibe was between Eva and Isak as they walked over the the bench (awkward) and here Lucas joins Emma on the steps so I don’t have to wonder about their weird small talk or painful silence.

This is the first time where I bought Lucas’ acting. He’s still not exactly wowing me, but I thought he was fine here. Maybe he just needs that very large scarf to hide in to make him seem all vulnerable.

“You smoked at the cabin?” Emma, didn’t you literally see them smoking??

Wait, Tom was supposed to be Ingrid‘s brother? That’s what it sounds like, because why else would Yann contact Ingrid if he couldn’t get through to Tom, if Tom is just some unrelated dude who has weed? I thought her brother was some other guy because Elias was not Norwegian Ingrid‘s brother.  Surely Emma would know Tom as a result of being Ingrid‘s best friend for years, but I don’t think either of them said anything about that, unless I missed it or can’t remember it. At the cabin I didn’t get the vibe they were anything more than acquaintances via Yann. And if Tom is Ingrid’s brother, then doesn’t it make more sense that Emma would hear Ingrid in the background on the phone, and it wouldn’t automatically be a cause for suspicion? It’s not weird for Yann to hang out with Tom.

I think Tom isn’t supposed to be Ingrid’s brother, but this line of dialogue is confusing, considering they changed it from Yann not being able to reach Ingrid’s brother to not being able to reach Tom. It doesn’t make sense to get Ingrid to get in touch with Tom; the chain should go Tom -> Ingrid’s brother (who also has weed) -> Ingrid.

They changed a bit from where Isak owned up to being shady when Eva asked him about hearing Ingrid‘s voice over the phone, he implied that he kind of suspected it wasn’t anything serious and figured it had to do with the drugs, and he acknowledges that he could’ve told Eva this, and he gave her bad advice to ask Ingrid about it. Lucas says he swears he didn’t know, which is kind of funny because IMO, Lucas seems way sneakier and more plotting in that scene than Isak did.

I do appreciate changes to the material but since they’re keeping most of it the same, I wish that they left in the line about karma being a bitch and Emma understanding how Ingrid would’ve felt, because I think that was a thematically relevant line. 

Aw, it was sweet to see how Yann smiled and seemed so happy when Emma called. It’s a shame I like him so much more away from this relationship. He seems so pumped for their meeting. I think Yann is a little needier than Jonas and it affects their relationship positive and negative ways, like I think maybe he’s a little more attentive than Jonas, but he also seems to get more threatened by potential obstacles to their the relationship.

Clip 4 - The Emma/Yann breakup

Yann is so sweet and charming here, like I get why Emma fell for him.

So the final bit of this clip worked pretty well for me! 

I said in another post that the three scenes they needed to nail were the skate park, Ingrid in the bathroom, and breakup scene, and while I didn’t think this was as powerful (mostly because the season-long buildup didn’t make it feel as earned) I still thought this was a strong scene, definitely the strongest of those three.  

I loved the sweet moment of Yann holding Emma on the steps and them smiling sweetly at each other, and that was an aesthetically appealing, tastefully done semi-sex scene, especially the shot with their hands. Although I did find myself wondering if they sat on the steps and then smiled at each other like “let’s go have breakup sex” or if they banged it out, put their clothes back on, and cuddled outside. TRUE TO THE ORIGINAL in that regard. 

More Seinabo Sey songs, love her.

Clip 5 - Ending party

The Emma/Yann hug is really sweet and makes me think the breakup is going to be less fraught, more amiable. which, IDK, it kinda feels like it should be more fraught considering these two are supposed to be very much in love? But it also makes me buy them airing season 2 so soon after S1’s finale, if Yann and Emma are going to be on more friendly terms.

Also the general atmosphere of the scene is more lighthearted. The music too, not as much of a serious tone.

Lucas was all right acting-wise in this scene, too. 

INGRID AND EMMA NEED TO HOOK UP. I can’t say I shipped it in OG Skam but here … they should get together.

Ingrid, Sara and Imane dancing together is great.

Also Ingrid is there when Daphne tells Imane and Alex about Charles, awwww.

I love Daphne. I know I’ve said that a million times but she’s the MVP of Skam France.

The shot of Lucas with Yann definitely did not have that immediate SO THAT’S WHY HE DID IT effect. Yo, Skam France, remember how some of us were like “You’re telegraphing Lucas’ crush on Yann too hard?” Well if ever there was a time to project that shit from an IMAX, THIS WAS THE MOMENT. 

Forreal, Lucas is paying about as much attention to Yann as to the other dude standing next to them. Where is that OTT longing gaze? 

You’re holding a drink, dude, you could give us a dose of innuendo by slurping on that straw while you make eyes at your bro.

But then again, I guess no moment can be as OTT as when you have “Gay Bar” as your musical accompaniment.

There is a major continuity error in the scene because the other guy that is in the scene with Lucas and Yann can be seen behind Manon immediately in the next shot, so either he has a twin who dresses exactly the same or he teleported.

As much as I love Isak’s love of BUTT as the final moment, closing the season on Manon and Charles is a perfectly logical choice for leading into S2. Although lol, the lyrics being like “I’m just waiting for my day to come” are very creepy, Charles. “Cause something inside has changed” is better, though.

General comments:

They should’ve ended this season with the girl squad’s party, dude. Doesn’t that seem like a fitting finale? If the object is to gain popularity at school, shouldn’t they do it as soon as possible so they gain some capital before the popular senior guys leave?

One benefit about airing the next season right after S1 instead of taking a few months is that I can at least buy that they could have the party at the end of season 2. The longer they draw it out, the less it makes sense.

Lucas was definitely panicking and trying to be overly nice in that text to Emma post-Camille’s party. Emma was keeping it cool and Lucas was like I HOPE ALL IS WELL AHAHA WE’RE SO FRIENDLY :D :D :D oh god don’t tell Yann

Right now, I don’t have many thoughts about the season as a whole that I haven’t said before. Emma’s character arc is somewhat muddled, certain plot developments and characterization don’t make sense, the show overuses music, the girl squad dynamic is one of the show’s better qualities, marry me Daphne, marry me Ingrid, etc etc.

My main takeaway is that, out of the three remakes that have aired so far, Skam France definitely has less of a personal identity than Druck or Skam Italia. Even with those shows being early into their first seasons, I can already tell they’re more distinct adaptations with more done to fit their respective cultures. That’s not to say either of those versions are perfect or that Skam France doesn’t have its own strengths, but I would very much like to see Skam France develop more of a unique personality. Not sure if they can do that until S3 since they’ve already filmed S2 and can’t incorporate viewer feedback. It depends on how much it is going to reflect original Skam’s S2; judging by the trailer, it feels like the answer is A Lot.

#skamfr reactions

[pjbehindthesun]

chapter 12: pigtails, pictures, and patches

Saturday, October 13, 1990

“So you guys are seriously playing a show? How in the hell are you gonna pull that one off, you’ve been a band for all of five minutes, it’s fucking ridiculous.”

“See, this is what I missed, Red – your sweet, generous, unconditional support,” Stone grins and shakes his head at me as we walk up to the basketball courts to meet the rest of the group. We’d decided after a while of hanging out at Potatohead that we were being pretty antisocial, even for us.

“Appeals to conscience only work on people who have them, don’t you know redheads are soulless?”

“What??” he shrieks, turning on the sidewalk and walking backwards in front of me.

“Yeah, we’re born soulless. That’s why we’re so freckled, we get a new freckle every time we steal a soul. Or so Joshua Brockman told me in second grade.”

“Who?”

“Class bully. Used to pick on me nonstop because of my –” I point at my hair and then freckled nose “– situation.”

“Oh, fuck that guy. Little baby Red… I bet you were vicious cute.”

“Oh god no, you have no idea, I was the awkwardest.”

“In stark contrast to your effortless social grace as an adult.” He snickers as he dodges the slap I just aimed at his chest and spins around to walk shoulder to shoulder with me again. “No, really, I bet you were cute, you’ve probably always been a heartbreaker. Little Joshua probably just couldn’t handle all the feelings you gave him. You know, like climbing the rope in gym class…” He pops an eyebrow as I groan in disgust.

“Sweet Christ, man, why don’t you just kill me now and get it over with?”

“Oh come on, Cora, didn’t anyone ever tell you that boys pull on your pigtails to tell you they like you?” He reaches around my shoulder and takes a piece of hair in each hand on either side of my head, tugging lightly.

“I’ll have to remember that highly relevant observation for my next playground interaction.”

Letting go of my hair, he claps me on the shoulders and steers me around the corner, bending over a little to talk right into my ear. “Need I remind you that we are literally going to a playground to watch a bunch of otherwise fully developed adults practically kill each other to try to put a ball through a hoop?”

“Point taken. Anyway, you didn’t answer my question.”

“Which one?” he straightens up and frowns.

“About the show.” We haven’t really gotten to talk about it, which is my fault for avoiding him, but I’ve been genuinely curious. “Doesn’t that seem kinda ridiculous to you?”

“Nah, not really. I mean, Jeff thought I was a little crazy –”

“A little?” 

“– as always, but Mike’s always up for anything, Dave is a little stressed about it, maybe. Eddie didn’t bat an eyelash.”

“Yeah, he seems pretty low-key, you’re lucky to have someone who’s willing to roll with your bullshit.”

“Yeah… he’s alright.”

“Hey, what’s that?” Now I step in front of his path, and he stops dead, giving me a confused expression.

“Stone?” I prompt him after he doesn’t reply.

“What?”

“You don’t like him, do you?”

His shoulders drop and he rolls his eyes to the back of his skull. “It’s not that I don’t like him, Jesus… I just don’t know him yet…”

“But you’re galloping off to play a show with him as your new singer…”

“I’m not galloping anywhere, for the record,” he snaps.

“No?” I poke him in the ribs to try to get him to smile, clucking at him like a horse. “Stoney Pony?”

“God you’re a brat,” he groans, but at least he’s laughing again. “No, Ed’s fine, I guess, just… it’s so hard to have a good feel for what direction we’re going to go in, he sounds so different from anyone else I’ve heard that like, I’m not even sure how good he is…”

“Oh come on.”

“No, okay, he sounds good, but he’s so shy, and… I don’t know… how’s he going to be on stage? I kinda want to rip the band-aid off and figure that out, which is what this show’s about. You never got to meet Andy, you don’t know what kind of…” he trails off, shaking his head a little as he fishes for his words. “But like, you’ve seen Chris on stage, you know how incredible he is. I really just want Chris Cornell, is what it is.”

“So go pull on his pigtails then, man,” I tease, “but give Eddie more of a grace period. I bet he’ll warm up.”

“Hope you’re right.”

“Usually am.”

He shakes his head with a lopsided smile but doesn’t say anything. He’s still looking out in front of us, so I take the opportunity to watch his face a little bit without getting made fun of. I really missed this. Just goofing off, or talking about random shit, listening to each other’s problems and offering half-assed solutions… it was less than a week, but it felt like a year. Why is it so hard for me to talk to him about what happened? That’s all he wanted me to do, just tell him what happened.

“Everything’s okay now, you know… with Alex…”

“Jesus, Cora,” he waves me off, “you don’t have to tell me, we handled that…”

“Well, okay, but I want to. It meant a lot to me, what you did. Helping me out. You deserve to know what happened.”

He raises his eyebrows. “You don’t owe me shit.”

“But I’m okay, okay?”

“Okay,” he smiles a tiny bit.

“I mean, it’s not perfect, Alex and me, but… I think it’s going to be okay.”

He looks forward again and nods. I’m not sure why I feel compelled to keep talking about it, but I do.

“He was really sorry, you know. He just forgot, is all it was.”

“Sure.”

“No, really, he felt terrible!”

“Good,” Stone says a little loudly before dropping his voice back to a normal volume, still staring ahead of us, “you… you deserve to be with someone who treats you like you matter to them.”

“He does…”

“Good,” he says again, finally looking down at me and swallowing hard. I feel like I need to change the subject, fast.

“I bet you were a cute kid too, Stoner.”

“Oh, impossibly so.”

“And so humble. So, who pulled your pigtails back then?”

He chuckles, “girls don’t do that shit if they have a crush, I don’t think. They’re subtler. And anyway, I didn’t have pigtails to pull.”

“What, you expect me to believe this impressive scrunchie collection is a recent development?” I pluck at the example around his wrist.

“Two sisters, you do the math,” he explains with a boyish smile that somehow shows me exactly how he must have looked as a kid. I stop in my tracks again to consider it, and he pauses too, looking puzzled.

“Yeah, you must have been cute. Those big eyes, and… you’ve got this, uhm…” I reach up and pinch his bottom lip in my thumb and forefinger, “…this little divot in your lip… see this, cute…”

He’s watching me with a strange, frozen look on his face that makes me feel I’ve gone way too far. I let go of his lip and he bites it in automatically, blinking slowly.

“Guess it all went downhill from there, huh Stoner?”

A smile breaks over his face. “Oh you’re in such deep shit…” he reaches out to tickle my ribs but misses as I break into a run. He’s faster, so just as we’re rounding the corner to the basketball courts, he catches up to me and loops one arm around my waist, lifting me off the ground and torturing me until we hear a familiar voice shouting at us.

***

“You fuckers finally decided to come play?” Chris yells, and I give up on tickling Cora now that I realize we have an audience. Whoops… everyone on the court – my entire band, plus Chris and Lucy – is staring at us. Cora swats at my shoulder and leaves me behind to jog over to our friends, and I follow suit.

“How about it, Stone?” Chris calls again.

“You know I’m above this ridiculous display,” I scoff.

“That’s a pretty lofty way to say you haven’t played with us since the last time you scored on your own basket,” Mike fires back, making Cora burst out laughing. Well, there goes that shred of dignity.

“What about you, Smokey?” Chris sets an arm around her shoulder. “You play?”

“Gross, sweat pit,” she wrinkles her nose and he grins evilly. “Is there room in this game for the vertically challenged?”

Eddie laughs this time. “Hey, you’re not much shorter than Muggsy Bogues, and I’m not much taller…”

“Fair point. How’s the wound, Ed?”

He holds up his left hand, which I’ve just noticed has a giant bandage wrapped around the thumb. “Coagulating nicely, thanks.” What the fuck are they even talking about?

“Yeah, so I’m gonna sit this one out, I’m not going to miss the Red Devil’s pickup league debut,” I interject.

“Come on, Stone, then the teams aren’t even,” Jeff complains.

“Nah, I’ll sit out,” Chris offers, shoving the ball into Cora’s hands. “Smokey, you’re with Dave and Mike, you’re playing the undefeated combination of Eddie, Jeff, and Lucy.”

As Chris parks next to me on the bleachers, I watch the teams huddle or whatever it is teams do. “Oh come on, Chris, can’t you make the lovebirds play on separate teams? Where’s your sense of mischief?”

“Yeah, we tried that,” he explains under his breath, “but if Lucy and Jeff are on opposite teams, it devolves into a game of grab-ass.”

I snort loudly enough that the noble athletes look up to see what’s wrong with me, but Chris helps me create the appearance of nonchalance.

“Speaking of grab-ass,” he continues in a low voice, “what’s going on with you and Cora?”

“What do you mean?” I sputter, maybe a little too loudly, although this time the game has started so no one looks over.

“What do you mean, what do I mean? I saw that,” Chris nods over at the street corner we just came from, and my stomach does a back flip. 

“She called me ugly, man, I had to defend myself.”

“Oh sure,” he says with mock sincerity. “Just be careful, man… she’s not exactly available.”

“Mmm.” I pretend to be too distracted watching the game to reply, but in reality, I’m too busy thinking about how Cora’s apparently available enough to tug on my lip.

***

Wednesday, October 17th, 1990

“Hey, you need some help?”

I’ve been trying to key into Jeff’s apartment for a good thirty seconds now and swearing under my breath as I juggle the first stack of shit I’m unloading from my truck. I own almost nothing, how do I have such heavy boxes? I look up from the lock and see Cora walking my direction from the stairwell.

“Yeah, uh, sure,” I grumble, letting her take the keys out of my hand as I fix my grip on the leaning tower of crap.

“There you go,” she grins as she opens the door. “Is there more where that came from? I can give you a hand, I was just getting home from the lab anyway.”

Man, normally I would say I can handle it myself, but I’m so fucking exhausted after that drive that I could really use the help. I set my boxes down inside and nod, and she drops her bag on the couch to follow me back down to my truck. We empty it slowly over a few trips without saying much.

“So how long a drive is it from San Diego?” she finally asks as we gather up the last load, peering at me. I kinda wish she wouldn’t… this girl’s sweet and easy to talk to, but I’m feeling a little rundown and I’m not sure how friendly I can be under the circumstances.

“Oh, 20 hours or so.”

“So it took you a couple days, then? Where did you stop?”

“No, no, uh,” I frown at the milk crates of records she’s stacking in my arms, “I did it straight through.”

“What?? Are you crazy? How does that even work?”

I can see she’s not going to let me get away with being the silent type today. I sigh, “ahh, a buddy gave me something to help me stay up so I wouldn’t have to stop.”

She raises one eyebrow. “So you speed-drove your way up here?”

“Yeah?” I wince, not really sure how this person I hardly know will react to such a dumb fuckin’ idea.

“Huh, okay, Neal Cassady,” she says, sticking her tongue in her cheek. “You probably feel like hell right about now, huh?”

“Affirmative.”

She nods. “Okay, let’s get this shit upstairs and get you a beer, that’ll help.”

My chest floods with gratitude as I follow her upstairs, nervously watching this tiny person carry a stack of boxes taller than she is, but she somehow manages to maneuver the entire load in the door. It’s only when she uses her foot to nudge the door closed behind us that the shoebox on top slips off and falls open on the ground.

Of course. Of course it would be that fucking box.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry…” her face turns white as she sets down the rest of my things as carefully as she can, but I’ve beaten her to it and am already gathering up the pieces with shaking hands.

The pieces I have left of us. Of her. Pictures, letters, postcards, ticket stubs, little trinkets that have no intrinsic value other than the inside jokes or sentimental occasions I collected them for.

“Eddie, no offense, but you look like shit, let me help,” she says gently as she drops to her knees and collects a pile of Polaroids that splayed out across the rug. Bunch of random snapshots of what felt like normal, happy moments at the time. Blurry, sun-spotted, totally ignorant.

“Thanks,” I say, leaning back and sinking against the closed door with my eyes closed. Ordinarily I’d be more protective of those belongings, except they don’t bring me much of a sense of belonging anymore. Or maybe I’m just really tired. The speed was definitely a dumb idea. Anyway, Cora seems too determined to clean up the mess to do any snooping.

A few minutes later, I open my eyes to see her sitting next to me, handing me an open beer. I raise it and nod in thanks, taking a long drink. She opens another one for herself and takes a small sip. She was right, it really does help.

“Thanks, uhm… you get it, right? Everyone’s got one of those boxes somewhere…”

She furrows her brow. “I don’t. I mean I get the concept, I just don’t have one.”

“Break-up box? I thought it was a standard requirement.”

She gives me a pained look. “Well, I mean, I’ve never broken up with anybody…”

“Lucky you,” I mutter into my beer can.

“Sorry.”

“Don’t be. You didn’t break up with me.”

She drops her eyes back to her beer, because what on earth is she supposed to say to that? Great, Vedder, just great.

“I’m sorry, I just… it was a bad few days. I had to go to her place to get some of my shit before the move. Last few things I’d left behind, you know… well, I guess you don’t…”

“Did you just break up?” she asks softly, still not looking up.

“Yes and no. I mean, not just now. It happened before I came up here the first time. Part of why I even considered Stone and Jeff’s offer, honestly. Things were already ending, so why not.”

“You or her?”

“Her. Beth. Uhm, if that’s what you mean. She was the one who called it off. We…” I don’t even know why I’m telling her any of this, except that she’s not pushing me for answers and it’s kind of nice to have someone who will listen. “…we’d been together a long time. A really long time. Seven years. I don’t know if you know what that’s like… well, maybe it’s different for everybody, it must be, because she and I saw it differently… I’m probably not making any sense…”

“More than you realize.”

“Well, I guess the way she saw it, all that time together was a negative. Said she wanted to see other people, said we were ‘too young and stupid to know if this was really it,’ that we ‘needed more life experience.’ I don’t even know what that means. I would have been fine with that being it. I thought it was,” I laugh a little, although it’s not funny. I’m just so delirious that it makes even less sense to me right now than it usually does, despite how many times I’ve replayed it in my head. I take another drink, hoping it will steady me because I feel like fainting, and then close my eyes and lean back again.

“I’m sorry, Eddie.” Her voice is really quiet.

“And she didn’t even say it in person, she called me to tell me. So seeing her again the other day,” I go on, feeling like the tap’s open now so I might as well let it out, “she just looks so… so happy. So okay with it. She was just like, ‘see you round, Ed,’ like I’m just some other guy now, some nobody, not the person she used to talk about spending the rest of her life with. How does that work?”

“I don’t know how it works, but that’s bullshit,” she says, sounding a little more assured. “Obviously it’s a big deal, after so many years! I mean, I don’t know her, and I barely know you, but sharing that much time with someone, it’s not a ‘see you round’ sort of thing. You don’t need someone in your life who’s so flip with your feelings.”

I squint over at her, trying to figure out how she put her finger on it that fast. That feeling that I was the only one in it for keeps, that Beth was always a little more careless about the whole thing. The kind of feeling that gnaws in the back of your mind, and which I ignored for too long, hoping it was just my insecurity and not the truth. But Cora’s not looking at me, she’s still regarding her beer can, so I go on.

“Well. At least it happened quick. At least I’m on the other end of the country.”

“Yeah. I think that’s probably good. New start, new home.”

“Right. So, no break-up box in your place, huh? Congratulations on that,” I try for a smile.

“I don’t know about that,” she hedges, “but no. I was a late bloomer, you could say.”

“So you and Alex, that’s it?”

“That’s the idea.”

Isn’t it always, I want to say, but I don’t. Just because my relationship fell apart to shit doesn’t mean everyone’s will. I cast around for a new topic to keep myself from saying anything so unbelievably dour, and I notice her bag sitting on the couch. Oh yeah, I was going to ask about that.

“Hey, uhm, what’s the deal with the flag?”

Her eyebrows pull together and she half-smiles. “Like, Old Glory? The thirteen original colonies? Wh–”

“Shit, no,” I laugh, “sorry. Train of thought. The patch, the one on your bag.”

She glances over at where I’m pointing. “Oh… what about it?”

“Nothing, I guess, I just remember… didn’t you say you’d had it the longest out of all those buttons and things? What’s the story?”

“It’s a long one,” she muses.

“Where am I going?” I chuckle, shaking the mostly full beer can. “I mean, if you want.”

She bites her lips in and frowns over at it. “Okay, well, it’s from 1976.”

“That’s it? You had me going, I thought it was a long story.”

“Ha, well, that’s the short version. You look like maybe stamina’s in short supply for some long, rambling pointless story about a stranger.”

“I think that’s exactly what I need right now. Spill.” I elbow her.

“Uhm, well, there’s not much more to it than that, my dad took me to Washington DC for my eighth birthday that year so we could go to the Earth Day march. I begged him,” she laughs at the floor. “Weird kid.”

“Cool kid,” I correct her, nodding for her to go on.

“You’re the second person to be very wrong about that recently, you know that?” she looks up with a straight-faced expression but eyes that seem to be laughing. “Anyway, I grew up in this tiny little shit town, like, classic Appalachia…”

“You don’t sound like it,” I mumble before mentally kicking myself for interrupting her like an asshole.

“Yeah, well, that takes practice. Anyway, my dad, he was this total outlier in our town, rode a bike everywhere and constantly got run off the road by trucks, collected rainwater for the garden, never wanted to throw anything out if it could be used again… sort of a misplaced hippie. And he used to talk about this new environmental movement, this pushback against all the treachery and death that humans visit on the earth just by being here, just by living the way that we do, in all of our greed, and how important it was to take that stand for the earth. So, one birthday, I asked him if we could go see it.”

“And that’s where you got that patch?”

“Yeah. We rode a Greyhound up to DC, and I… I had a little shirt he’d drawn on, it said “Let Me Grow Up,” and there was a sea of people all over the National Mall. It was so inspiring. I rode on his shoulders – I was a tiny kid…”

I decide not to interrupt her this time, but I want to point out that not much has changed.

“Anyway, it was a big deal to me at the time. It changed a lot for me. It’s kind of why I went into ecology myself, uhm, that’s what I’m going to school for, in a way.”

Oh, so that’s the scientist thing. I’d meant to ask her about that too. “Sure. Your dad sounds really cool.”

“Yeah.”

“So did you guys ever go again, or what?”

“Well, no. He left us not long after that.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah. I haven’t seen him since that year, I don’t even know if he’s still alive.”

Again, just fantastic work, Vedder. Distract from your pain by wading into someone else’s. “Shit, I’m sorry…”

“No, it’s okay, that was a long time ago. That memory, those parts of him, that’s just one of the really good things I get to hold onto, I guess. Which is why I stuck it on that bag. He’s not as big of a part of my life as he used to be. My brother – I’ve got a brother, he’s a few years younger than me – he doesn’t even really remember him, which sometimes I think is for the best, but sometimes…”

She seems to think better of whatever she’s about to say, and I feel like I’ve already pried into her private life enough, so I keep quiet. I know something about what she’s trying not to say. Even if our situations sound different in some ways, I hate it for her that we can relate. I finish my beer in silence.

“You have any siblings?” she asks, clearly hoping to change the subject.

“Mm,” I nod, “three little brothers. Younger brothers, I should say, since they’re all like 6 foot 3, and I’m like 4 foot 2.”

“I feel that,” she laughs, stretching her legs out across the rug. “My brother’s a giant too, it’s like all the height genes skipped me.”

“You see him often, or –” a yawn I can’t stifle interrupts my sentence, and she gives me an appraising look.

“You really need to sleep, bud.” She stands up and looks around Jeff’s kitchen, holding out her empty can. “Recycling?”

“Uh, I don’t know, doesn’t look like it.”

“Here, I’ll take them, I have a bin,” of course she does. She reaches out for my empty too. “You gonna be okay?”

“Yeah, I’ll be fine, you’re right, I just need to try and sleep. Hey, thanks again…”

“Anytime, Eddie. Welcome home.”

“Right,” I grin. She waves as she ducks out my front door and down the hallway to her own, and although I’m still exhausted just looking at the pile of shit I now have to unpack, I have to admit, it all looks a little lighter.

***

Jesus, poor Eddie, he’s in really rough shape. It must hurt so badly to watch something you’ve been so invested in for so many years evaporate, and feel like the person you were invested with doesn’t even care. I wasn’t going to say it, because I didn’t want to inject myself into his problems, but it’s a fear I’m familiar with.

From the hallway, I can hear the phone ringing in my apartment, so I key in quickly to try and grab it. But Alex is home, and he beat me to it. He’s standing next to the couch and listening to whoever it is with his forehead deeply lined. His eyes bore into me the moment I walk in. Shit. Shit. What’s going on?

“Yeah, I mean, absolutely… hey man, she just got home, let me just put you on with her so you guys can talk about it…”

I grab the receiver from his outstretched hand as quickly as I can, holding it to my ear, feeling paralyzed. Before the person on the other end of the line even says anything, I have a feeling I know who it is. I hear a sniffle.

“Patch?”

“C? …can I come stay out there a while?”

#so i need to do some proofreading #but here is the thing #behind the sun #chapter 12 #fanfiction #fanfic #stone gossard #jeff ament #eddie vedder #mike mccready #dave krusen #chris cornell #pearl jam #soundgarden

[kleroterion]

Thoughts on Long-Term Unemployment

This is not a survival guide, nor is it a comprehensive tip list for getting through long-term unemployment (or, really, any period of unemployment). It’s a series of things that I learned while job searching for almost a year after I graduated from college. A close friend was looking for almost 3 years post-graduation, and another friend close to 8 months. This is not a unique experience and you are not alone. Granted, I had it easy compared to others - a supportive family, a place to stay and be cared for while I looked for a job, and enough savings to get me by. But it was a terrible experience and I want to at least try to help someone who is going through the same thing. These musings reflect my own experience and will not necessarily apply to everyone. This is a collection of notes and thoughts, not a panacea. I know at the end of the day you will go to bed with anxiety, no matter what I say. But maybe something here will speak to someone. I want to try.

—

Phone interviews/pre-interviews are increasingly common, which gives you an opportunity to have notes in front of you and to be in a comfortable environment while you talk. Take this opportunity to really shine - you’ve got the advantage. A lot of people have phone anxiety, but think of it as a way to cater the conversation to your space: you can have information pulled up on your computer, spread out hand-written scribbles in front of you, and be dressed in comfy pajamas. Make it so that the interview is on your terms - times are typically highly negotiable because it’s just over the phone, so you can pick a time that represents your peak efficiency mode.

If you can, try to participate in something during this long stretch of time. This is something that requires a financial safety net, so it won’t work for everyone (I’m sorry). Try to find activities that you can talk about in interviews or that can build your resume (and aren’t just filler): Volunteering (Meals on Wheels, at a library, homeless shelters, anywhere or anything), helping a political campaign, learning a new skill (like InDesign) or language, or studying for an exam you know you’ll have to take (the GRE, LSAT, MCAT, etc.). Take advantage of this time if you can. Getting out of the house and socializing is really important during these hard times and working towards a goal or helping others is a way to move forward when you feel so stuck (and can put things in perspective).

Open curtains and windows. Being cloistered up with only fluorescents or lamp light isn’t super conducive to mental health (in my opinion). Air out the house. Let natural sunlight in.

People in the relevant industries should consider having an online portfolio, and that url should be placed prominently on one’s resume. WordPress is free, and employers (especially in that industry) like to see applicants with 21st-century skill sets. Demonstrate that you can navigate website-making tools while also showing off your talents. If you can, buy a domain name, but it’s not essential. WordPress has enough versatility on its own to get what you want and to let people see what you are capable of.

Yes, you will have to write cover letters. And not everyone is good at this. Because you’re going to be applying a lot, have a template that you can customize to each job. It should be something general enough to work for many outlets, but you need to make a point to make it unique to that company, and tailoring it is essential. You won’t necessarily need to write a new one from scratch each time, but make sure to let them know you’re talking to them, not just anyone. Read the job description and incorporate their needs with your skill set into the letter. Try to make your letter a narrative rather than a formulaic sheet of information that they can easily glean from your resume. What experiences make you qualified for that particular job? Why are you the best candidate, and how can you prove it? Find a way to show patterns and traits in your life that define you as a person, and tie it into your employment and experience.

Self-care is a thing for a reason. Stay hydrated. Shower. Do the dishes. Getting up in the morning can be really hard. There’s a lot of disappointment in long-term unemployment. Taking the little steps each day when you don’t want to will keep a sense of control and order in your life. A pile of dirty dishes in the sink, clutter and laundry, dirty hair: no judgment. Seriously. I understand depression. I’ve been there. I’m there. But those things, while seemingly just aesthetic, really do impact you mentally. If you can try to stay on top of those things, you might be able to get to the bigger stuff. I don’t think you’ll ever feel bad after doing any of them, and getting just a few things done tends to propel you just based off of action - an object in motion stays in motion.

Resist the temptation to sleep in. When you’re unemployed for long stretches of time, it’s so, so tempting to let yourself sleep until noon, but you have to fight that urge. Please trust me on this. When you do finally land a job, early hours won’t be as much of a shock. Also, waking up with a chunk of the day already over is disorienting and, to me, tends to be less productive. Everyone is different, but I think staying on a schedule with relatively early hours is more stable. I slept until roughly 9 a.m. - this is a luxury to some people, and crazy early to others. I think 9 is a good choice because it fits close to an 8-to-5 schedule but still allows you some extra time in bed.

Networking will not necessarily save you. I had many, many people working in my favor inside companies and it did nothing. The job that I landed (and love) was a hire where I had no referral or contact. People like to hype up networking as the key to success, and I’m sure it is - once you’re in the industry. Networking works for some people, but I truly don’t believe it should be your focus or concentration. (This of course varies by what your career path is.) It’s all about volume: apply, apply, apply, apply. And then apply again.

Most of the time, you’re not going to hear back from an employer after you apply. That’s how it is now.

Don’t be ashamed to file for unemployment. These resources are there for a reason. You might as well take the opportunities (the few that are left) that the government has to offer. If you are actively trying to look for a job but cannot get one, there is no shame in asking for help from the people you pay taxes to and who in return provide services for people in need. The social contract goes both ways.

Be prepared for group interviews. These are happening more and more now. 75% of my interviews were with 2 or more people. Don’t let it put you off. In some ways, it’s easier to have a conversation when there are more voices in the room, and they are usually there to gauge chemistry more than they are to grill you (in my experience). And while I’m on the subject of interviews: cliche questions still occur, but many questions related to my experience and real-life scenarios on the job or in life. They want examples - times you stepped up, times where you might have failed but bounced back, times you showed leadership. Have stories ready. Yes, sometimes I’d get an occasional “What’s your favorite hobby?” or “What are your strengths and weaknesses?” and you should have answers ready for those. But lately the trend is about showing them you are a good fit for the job, rather than summing yourself up in three words.

It’s really hard to get a government job. They take forever to get back to you. They typically hire internally. It sucks. USAJOBS is a pain. You should know this ahead of time.

There will be bad days. There will be bad weeks. There might be bad months. Keep applying.

You will be tested. Quite literally. For almost every job that I got a response from, I was required to take further action, and sometimes in multiple phases, before an interview was even set up. Companies are being really choosy right now because they know they can. It’s disheartening, but it’s best if you are rid of the illusion that you stop taking tests after college. I had to take actual exams, write multiple-page projects, do short quizzes, come up with proposal ideas, and fill out interview questions all before I spoke to someone. It’s frustrating but also the reality that I faced.

It’s okay to be a little bit picky. Especially at first. You don’t have to settle immediately. Apply to the passion jobs and the long shots. Make sure you know your deal-breakers, and don’t feel guilty about sticking to them. If you really don’t want to work in a certain area or do a certain task, don’t apply to those jobs. So don’t feel bad about that. But just know that there may come a time later when you will have to compromise.

Sometimes you have to play the game. You should get a LinkedIn account and monitor your social media. I know. I resisted it for awhile, but it’s something that a lot of people say is important, and employers do want to see an online presence of some kind. LinkedIn is a “respectable” way of doing it, and keeping your social accounts relatively clean is the best way to go. (Coded language for “hide your tumblr”? Perhaps.)

A lot of the time, rejection really isn’t about you. It’s almost impossible to believe that, and a part of me still feels that it was personal, and I’m not sure if I’ll ever think otherwise, but I know logically that isn’t true. I have heard from hiring managers and HR people that job listings have to be posted even if the vacancy is planned from the start to be filled internally. This. Happens. Too. Often. To. Count. Also, the job market is FLOODED. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. It’s rough. It really is. The competition is fierce. It isn’t necessarily about you. But it still stings.

Try not to beat yourself up if there are days where you don’t apply for jobs. No one is perfect. You can have a break. Binge watch Black Mirror (no, seriously, watch Black Mirror) but come back to your search. Don’t go too far down the rabbit hole.

Don’t follow a resume template. This is a tough one and hard to really delve into in this setting, as it is so unique to every person. It takes work and oftentimes a guiding hand to get a great resume. I’ve had multiple hiring managers and a career counselor tell me that when they see a cover letter that looks different from the rest, they are immediately interested. Use segments, boxes, and graphics rather than a linear, wordy timeline of your employment and education history. You’re more likely to get interviews if you use a narrative rather than bullet points and facts. Describe your experience and accomplishments in concise, substantive language (no filler!), and highlight your technological and practical skill set in a section all its own. (Computer programs/coding, web design, media production, and writing/communication are all good things to emphasize if they apply to you.)

Use your college resources: your professors. I got a freelance research project from a professor I had a deep connection with, and used others as a support system during hard times. Some places have good Career Centers (mine didn’t), and others have alumni or honor society job networks. I personally don’t have any experience with those so I don’t know how effective they are, but I can attest that bonding and having communication with various professors in your field is psychologically and sometimes monetarily rewarding, and might help more than you think in the short and long term. There’s more incentive than a good grade when it comes to befriending your teacher.

Don’t stay in the house for longer than three days at a time. It’s obviously not a hard and fast rule, but things got really tough for me after that length of time without either being in the light or being around people. It might be really hard, but try to get out at least every few days in some capacity. Long-term unemployment is rife with apathy and entropy, and succumbing is not difficult in that environment. If you can, get out.

I absolutely detest Monster.com. I think it was utterly useless; it got me nowhere and I was left with a bunch of unhelpful spammy emails with terrible listings. Indeed had good matches to my skill set and interests, but I never heard back from a single one. My best experiences came from Craigslist. Real, legitimate corporations advertise there, and I got many interviews from respectable places via Craigslist. I highly recommend it. There are some neat, unconventional postings, but just keep your eyes open for anything sketchy (you know how the internet works). I ended up getting my current job, however, through its website (I work at a theatre). I also got some responses that way, too: going to the websites of individual places you want to work and browsing their Employment section. Also, consider freelancing, package delivery, tutoring, substitute teaching, and other part-time gigs while you look for something permanent and full-time.

In between applying for jobs (which itself should be your full-time job), read that long book series you’ve been wanting to get to forever. Start - and finish - that cleaning project you’ve been putting off for years. Go through your home and donate anything you don’t need to Goodwill or local homeless/battered women shelters. Write that poem or novel that’s been in your head for a decade. Go for the 7-minute mile. If there’s something that’s been on your mind, now is the time to do it. Create. Organize. Contribute.

When it comes to letters of reference, go for quality over quantity. It’s better to have 2-3 really strong, glowing references than 4-5 mediocre ones. The better they know you, the more they will invest in the letter, so choose from the best of those in your life. Employment references are the most useful, but academic ones are great too, especially if they are particularly positive. Only use a personal reference (which is a non-family member, usually a friend/religious advisor/etc.) if they ask for one. Also, I’ve been told it’s outdated to include references with your application (and they should only be given upon request), but I couldn’t say for sure if it matters or not.

#unemployedlife #writing #unemployment #sigh #advice

[ajvlogsandstuff]

RWBY V5E13: Downfall (SPOILERS) and what I didn’t like about it

Now, I should place some prefaces before the pitchforks and torches come out. THIS IS NOT A RWDE POST. I love RWBY. I see it as a truly creative show and after nearly 5 years of watching, I am extremely invested in the world, characters and issues of the universe. Now, despite that, I am aware that the show has issues - some minute, some glaring, and some vastly blown out of proportion. I am not one of those people who send death threats to the CRWBY because of a stupid shipping war (you know which one I am talking about) or a character’s death, but I also don’t just accept everything the writers do blindly, as being demonstrated in this post below. That being said, I have one or two issues, one particularly major to me, that I want to discuss in the post below. Obviously, there are MAJOR spoilers under the cut below, so make sure you have watched the episode before reading this - as despite what I am saying, it is still one of the better episodes of the past volume - and then come back to read this. Now, let’s get into this…

So to start with, I would like to discuss my thoughts on the volume as a whole so far. I honestly have liked this volume a lot more than Volume 4 for one main reason: I haven’t had every episode be ruined for me by that half of the FNDM. Not saying that the FNDM is bad - some of the content being produced and discussed is amazing and I love it - but like most over fandoms on this site, the negatives vastly outweigh the positives. Be it death threats (of which I have received several from the fandom - more later), ships being forced down my throat and general overreactions to everything, I have tried to regulate the time I spend reacting to the show more with friends online and in person than scrolling the RWBY tag. 

But as I was saying, Volume 5 has actually been a vast improvement despite what everyone says: the graphics have had such a drastic increase from just a few months. The action is much better than Volume 4 - everything feels less floaty again and the environments for the fights (i.e. cargo ship, falling rocks, burning house) are much more varied and dynamic. Whilst the story has had moments of slowing down, it never felt to me as if it was unnecessary. Maybe some of the middle episodes could have been cut down to 1 longer episodes, but it doesn’t really matter to me in the long run. I will be posting a few posts in the coming weeks discussing my thoughts on how particular characters have played out this season (the first one being quite an interesting read given what has happened in this episode), but if relevant, I will discuss them later in this post.

Now, this isn’t to say I hated this episode. The Cinder and Raven fight is quite possibly the most visual and high-octane fight in the show so far, and had a song that I need to own right now. The bits of action we got with Emerald, Mercury and Hazel were… good, just give us more please. And the two semblance confirmations - Jaune’s and particularly Hazel’s - were interesting ideas and leave lots of room for future development. However, for all the good things we have in this episode, there were issues. So after all that, here we go.

1. The lack of screen time with villains:

Now, this isn’t just an issue in regards to this episode, more the show as a whole, but the villains do not get enough screen time in contrast to the other characters. Yes I know we spent pretty much half the episode with Cinder and Raven, but I would like to focus on the other villains present, being Emerald, Mercury, Hazel, Lionheart and Adam (this won’t be the last you will hear of Adam in this post, trust me).

First, I’ll start with the easiest on this list - Hazel, as he got a vast amount more than the other four present. Hazel in the past few episodes has been amazing, a breath of fresh air in contrast to the rest of the villains - a semi-unique backstory, an intriguing personality and motive, and one of my favourite weapons in the show. My issue is that due to so much focus being on Hazel crammed into the last three episodes that focus has shifted from where it could have been developing less developed characters. I still look forward to seeing more of this Mr. Hyde style villain, but let there be focus on the others.

Next up is the dynamic duo, Emerald and Mercury. My issue in this sense is that there is nowhere near enough screen time or development for these two. All we know about Mercury from his four Volumes on the show is that his dad was an alcoholic hitman who abused him, and that he has prosthesis, whilst all we know about Emerald is that she is a street rat that Cinder took in. That is it from FOUR VOLUMES. And I know you may argue that “other characters like Tyrian and Watts weren’t developed well”, but the point isn’t that they haven’t had development, it’s the fact that they have had so little development, despite having ample opportunity to. Mercury was one of the main characters in Volume 3 and everything we know about him was from a less than one minute scene in one episode. My point is that they have been in this area for 2 and a half episodes and have just been there in the background as goons for the protagonists to fight. The Yang and Mercury rematch should have been one of the highlights on the season, and we see it in the distance for about 3 seconds. Just give them more time, or just give us a scene of the two of them talking in Salem’s castle. ANYTHING! They are the only villains that the audience can in some way align with, so let us see them talk.

Lionheart is an odd situation. Episode 11 provided us with a lot of development for him, especially the revelation that he has been working with Salem for years. And then we get to see his thought processes of if he captures Oscar/Ozpin and brings him to Salem, that she will let him be free. “Yes, this is the development I have wanted for this intriguing character - what is he going to do in the next two episodes, I wonder?” Oh, sorry Andrew from two weeks ago, he does nothing except fire a few shots at Oscar. Really? You have the opportunity for a really interesting dynamic between Ozpin and Lionheart and you just have him sit on the sidelines. But don’t worry, it could be worse - you could do nothing, just like…

2. The writing of Adam Taurus:

Adam. Oh, Adam. Don’t get me wrong, I love you, Rooster Teeth. I really do. But this is the most insulting piece of writing I have ever seen for a character. Now, I will preface this by saying that Adam is my favourite character in the show, as he is the only character to have maintained a constant level of villainy throughout. Cinder did things under Salem’s orders. Tyrian did things under Salem’s orders. Hazel did things under Salem’s orders. Adam did all of those things FOR HIMSELF. He didn’t have to cut off Yang’s arm - he did it out of bloodlust. He didn’t have to kill Sienna - he did it out of a want for power. He didn’t have to send his forces to attack the Belladonna household - he did it because he wanted to. This man has been constantly portrayed in every scene he is in as a ruthless, vindictive and remorseless terrorist. And what does he do for three episodes? NOTHING! He plants the bombs on the tower and just stays there! This is the man that aided in the fall of Beacon, took out the leader of the White Fang in one hit, and even at one point intimidated Cinder Fall.

But okay, they may have just finished planting the bombs and were preparing to fall back to a perimeter. Let’s say that is what is happening - give RT the benefit of the doubt. Then as they fall back, Blake shows up. Okay, coincidental timing, but that’s RWBY for you. But who cares - this is the confrontation we have been waiting for, not just since the fall of Beacon, but since the Black Trailer. Adam was one of the first characters introduced in the show, introduced even before Yang. This is what Blake has been training for the past few seasons. The embodiment of her past trauma.The literal figurehead of her nightmares. And guess what?

She beats him in one hit. ONE HIT. No fight, no fitting ending, no last laugh. She defeats him with a FIST TO THE BACK. Yes, I know it is poetic - Adam has defeated everyone with one hit, so he gets defeated with one hit. But think about it. We have seen Adam fight in the Black trailer - he is clearly superior to Blake in terms of combat. He should have wiped the floor with her.

“Oh, but he was reckless and tricked by Blake’s semblance” - this man was her mentor and partner. He was probably the person who helped her unlock her semblance in the first place, never mind the months/years they spent together fighting in the White Fang. He wouldn’t forget about her semblance, it is just lazy writing. Blake has said in the show that she always runs away from everything, and that her semblance is an extension of that. The whole point of her arc is that she can’t keep running away from him. And she defeats him by using her SEMBLANCE. All ideas of it being poetic and monumental are thrown away by that point alone. 

And that would have been bad enough, but they also had to make Adam’s character a thundering dumbass at the flick of a switch. Not only does he threaten to blow himself up knowing that it would kill himself, despite being the most egocentric character in the show, he also only brought 8 MEN WITH HIM! This man is a leader of a terrorist military force and brought 8 men with him to one of the most important missions in years. 

Now this wouldn’t be so bad if they had made it seem like Adam would go down this route, but in the brief amount we had seen him earlier in the Volume,  he was made out to have become more ruthless and unhinged than we saw him in Volume 3, a dictator style leader who would transform the White Fang into more of a threat. But all of that development gets thrown out of the window when you completely shift a character’s personality on a dime.

And my main issue with this is that most of the community is loving it, happy that he is gone and wilfully accepting the writing. I am not going to petition RT to change the show like some have for other issues (such as #BringBackPyrrha) or send death threats. I know that there is still an episode left and anything could happen. Hell, Adam may even bounce back better from this, where instead of leading the White Fang, he ruthlessly hunts down Blake and keeps to his promise of “destroying everything she loves”. I just hope that this isn’t the last we have seen of my favourite silver-ey—- i mean, favourite character.

3. BMBLB:

Oh boy, I am going to get hate for this. Now look, I don’t hate BMBLB, never have. My issue with the ship is the obsessive nature of the FNDM rather than with the show. I used to be a Black Sun shipper (I’m not anymore, but I still think they should get together from a screenwriter’s standpoint) and every single time I would post about ships, I would get barraged by BMBLB shippers. My main issue is people taking a moment of any two characters interacting and saying it is proof that the ship is canon. And I know other ships do this, but never to the extent I have seen BMBLB. 

So, straight up, THIS IS NOT AN ISSUE WITH THE EPISODE, but just something I would like to say to the FNDM. Just because two characters interact doesn’t mean they are canon. So, I would just like to provide some context to a particular moment in this episode. 

When Blake first enters the hall - yes, she does acknowledge Yang specifically - but this is for one reason. The last time Blake saw Yang, she was being carried away unconscious with a missing arm. Blake knows how ruthless Adam is and assumed that she was dead. Blake ran while Yang was still in a critical condition. She says Yang because she is amazed that she survived, likely incited by having just seen Adam and recalling what happened. 

I’m just going to leave it at that, don’t tear me apart. Please.

4. The waste of potential

This point is less important, but I feel it still needs to be touched upon. Now, there is still an episode left and, as I said prior, anything could still happen. My point being that - to me - Cinder’s death would be a waste of potential. Yes, it wouldn’t effect the show as much as Raven dying instead or someone like Weiss dying, but killing off not only a Maiden, but currently the heroes’ main antagonist and rival would be too rushed. 

Cinder is a character who has ties to so many characters: she is Ruby’s foil and is the only character so far effected by her silver-eyes. She is Jaune’s main antagonist in the series, essentially being his final goal in terms of avenging Pyrrha. She is the mentor to both Mercury and Emerald, a rival to both Watts and Tyrian, and an apprentice to Salem, never mind the ramifications of being the first (known) human-Grimm hybrid. Killing her here with someone who she only met a few episodes ago would feel too contrived in my opinion. 

“But Raven froze her as he was falling”. Raven broke out of ice literally last episode and, oh yeah, Maidens can fly. Also, if she is dead, someone would have gotten her Maiden powers already. But anyway, I’m just spit-balling theories now. I think it’s time we concluded this monster of a post now.

Conclusion

Now look, despite (almost) all of the points above, I did still like the episode and I am hyped as all hell for the finale next week. I just hope that some of the issues are resolved, some sooner than others. AKA, “Please RT, don’t fuck up all the work you did with Adam. If this is the end of his story, then you have wasted vast potential”.

Anyway, I hope that you all enjoyed this discussion/rant and I am most excited to review the Volume next week. I will be posting lots of character analysis and theories in the coming weeks too, so look out for those.

Yours sincerely,

Andrew Sangster

p.s. just keep writing adam pls

#rwby #rwby5 #rwby volume 5 #rwby spoilers #ruby rose #weiss schnee #blake belladonna #yang xiao long #jaune arc #nora valkyrie #lie ren #cinder fall #raven branwen #qrow branwen #hazel rainart #downfall #adam taurus #white fang #haven academy #emerald sustrai #mercury black #oscar pine #ozpin #sun wukong #kali belladonna #ghira belladonna #vernal #ilia amitola

[minaminokyoko]

The Last Jedi (A Spoilertastic Review)

So I stayed off Twitter for almost ten straight days and I reduced my Facebook usage by about 80% in the last 48-hours in order to avoid spoilers for The Last Jedi, as I was spoiled for Han Solo's death in The Force Awakens literal days before attending its premiere years ago. Was it worth staying off social media to stay unspoiled and unbiased?

Eh. I dunno.

So I'm now hearing, as I return to social media, that some fans hate the movie. Color me shocked. (That's sarcasm, if you can't tell--we really do need a font for that.) There is a large chunk of the Star Wars fandom that contains some of the nastiest, pettiest, most immature hypocrites on the planet earth, and I can see those same fans hating this movie. Well, maybe I can help balance the scales.

To be frank, I'm not a Star Wars fan. I saw the originals as a kid and liked them okay, I hated the prequels and I still think they have zero justification and do not stand up to even the slightest film criticism or storytelling criticism at all, and I liked The Force Awakens quite a lot. For me, The Force Awakens finally gave me a reason to personally invest in the Star Wars franchise. Don't get me wrong--as a kid and a teen, I liked Han and Leia. I liked the setting of the original trilogy and the memorable stories and performances and dialogue. However, Luke was, well, this is an unavoidable pun, a lukewarm character for me. I didn't really care about him and I didn't understand him from a personal standpoint, so while I enjoyed the story, I just didn't take anything away from it. Force Awakens introduced me to an ostracized girl who had a miserable existence who always felt like she was waiting for something to happen to give her life meaning, and a terrified slave/survivor who defected in order to run away from something he feared but he instead found a reason to stay and fight. Plus, adding in the fact that Finn is awkward and likable and now I am emotionally invested in the new main leads of the franchise.

Sadly, though, The Last Jedi falls short in most of the aspects that made me like Force Awakens. Keep in mind, it's still an enjoyable film, but it most definitely suffers from Middle Movie Syndrome, where there's a lot of wheel-spinning because they need action set pieces, but in the end, what happens doesn't really change much about the characters or their motivations. Allow me to explain below. Naturally, spoiler alert.

Overall Grade: B-/C+

Pros:

-Creative scenarios. I like the film's creativity in terms of the scenery. The Force Awakens lived in the shadow of the original films. It was a very strict sort of format in order to make the older fans feel at home and to bring the new fans into the franchise at the same stepping off point. However, this film was able to stretch out a bit and not feel as bound by the same look and feel of the original trilogy. I know a lot of fans bitched about that with Force Awakens, and I think it was a semi-legit complaint, but I felt it was mostly the studio being cautious and trying not to piss off such a massive number of fans. Here, the scenery feels new and fresh, from the casino to the large part of the plot taking place on unfamiliar planets or with the rebels in space.

-I'm not going to sit here and lie--Oscar Isaac finally got to me a little bit in this one. Don't get me wrong, I liked Poe but I noticed Isaac amassing a legion of fangirls and was mystified as to why. Poe was a good character and Isaac's a good actor. Then when I saw Poe getting passionate about the rebellion, I admit I started to swoon a bit. There's just something about the way that he cares, how he makes the war feel that much more personal, and his relationship with Leia that floats my skirt up quite a bit. I like that he is hardheaded and impulsive, but he still feels like his own man. At first, I was worried he'd be our Han Solo replacement, but they drifted away from that idea. He's a very enjoyable character and I give a damn about him. I like that he grew this time, that he was able to recognize that he can't make every mission a suicide mission because the rebels have limited numbers and every man is precious. That's cool. I can dig it. Nice work, Mr. Isaac.

-I enjoyed seeing Finn take another step towards becoming a more stable rebel. He was still naive and brash, but he gave it his all and he was ready to make the ultimate sacrifice in order to do what he felt was right. I appreciate the hell out of that and I'm glad they didn't kill him. I threw my hands up in the theater because I like him a lot and I thought they were going to do the dumb thing and waste him. Phew. Bullet dodged, for now at least.

-I enjoyed seeing Yoda pop back up. Granted, he took his sweet ass time, but that was a nice surprise for me. I thought it was very touching to see him again, and well timed since Frank Oz is on the older side and we don't know how much longer we'll get to enjoy him.

-The Luke and Leia forehead kiss almost made me cry. Fuck. God. It was eerily appropriate as our goodbye to the amazing Carrie Fisher. I miss her terribly and seeing them reunite for the last time genuinely tugged at my heart strings.

-I liked the idea of Luke wavering when he found out Darth Temper Tantrum--excuse me, Kylo Ren slash Ben Solo--and being faced with a terrible choice. I like that Kylo's interpretation of danger is what screwed everything up and made him run away. It's a simple misunderstanding on a grand scale that is important to both of them and it's about the only thing that I think works about Kylo Ren's character. We'll discuss more about him in the Cons section, though. I like it because it's reminiscent of something I love from The Dresden Files series, where Karrin Murphy and Harry Dresden are talking about the fact that some people become monsters because you treat them like monsters. The possibility that maybe he wouldn't have turned if Luke hadn't gone there to stop him is great motivation to cut yourself off forever and feel that you deserve to die alone with the last of the Jedi kind.

-Luke's projecting power at the end was a nice aversion to being slain by the whiny git Kylo Ren. I'm still angry he dies anyway, because what the fuck was the point if you still killed him off, but that was a cool power that I don't recall seeing before and it made Luke seem even more badass than I ever thought possible. Nice work, Luke.

-We'll discuss my problem with Ren's fake redemption arc momentarily, but I did like the scene where he kills Snoke. That was a nifty idea and I like that Snoke's smug ass didn't see it coming. He was so convinced he knew everything and that manipulating Ren and Rey would give him what he wanted, but it didn't and that's a satisfying story element in a movie that kind of botches most of its pay off.

-I liked the Purple Haired Lady (sorry, I didn't catch her name, I have a bad memory) light-speeding right through the fucking Empire ship. That was a badass way to go. Now, granted, I still think it's pretty ridiculous that all the main characters managed to survive a catastrophic event like that no problem, but it was still cool as hell.

-Rey's a nobody. Called it. I love that she didn't have super special plot relevant parents. They were just scumbag assholes, much like Yondu's parents in Guardians of the Galaxy Volume 2. Thanks for disproving all the nonsensical fan theories. I knew she wouldn't be Luke or Leia's bloodline, but I like it even better than her parents don't even get names or anything. That's baller storytelling.

-Leia surviving the cruiser explosion. What. A. Badass. Motherfucker.

Cons:

-The biggest problem I have with the Last Jedi is Kylo Ren's fake redemption arc. Look, I get what they were going for. It's reminiscent of what happened to Zuko in the amazing Avatar: The Last Airbender series, and that to date is still the best redemption arc I have ever seen with my own two eyes. That's possibly why this one fell so flat for me. The set up for Kylo Ren is relatively solid. He was raised by heroes of the rebellion and so it was expected of him to become something great, and Luke training him sounds like a great bit of backstory as well. However, by not showing us details, Ren's redemption arc rings hollow as hell. Let me explain. They never showed us the details of the darkness that was apparently building in Ren. What is it driven by? Is it just a feeling? Was he just dangerous and unwilling to listen to Luke while he was in training? You can't just give such a blanket statement without reasoning or showing the actual backstory itself where we see what made him someone Luke thought would kill or massacre the innocent. I think the movie should have had a flashback segment of Luke and Ren's training days where we see that, yes, the kid was powerful but he had no restraint and he was arrogant and cruel or at the very least, unfeeling. Most of the time when you have that type of character, it's one of those traits that leads to evil. He thinks he's above the law or above reproach because of his power, or in Ren's case, it could have been because of his parentage. That was a huge missed opportunity. Maybe he was just a spoiled brat from being the son of two war heroes and the nephew of one of the greatest Jedi of all time. But we get none of that. We just get that he was a bad apple and Luke panicked and his panic made Ren run away. But that brings me to the next part that doesn't work in this film. Okay, so you think your uncle tried to kill you. Why did you immediately decide to join up with the fucking Space Nazis? How does that work for your desires? We don't know why Ren joined up. It's one thing to abandon your family out of anger and shame, but the Empire literally slaughters billions of innocent lives on a daily basis. We don't know why Ren said yes to them because we haven't been told personal details about him. Why did he blame Han and Leia? It's totally backwards. He should have gone to them and told them what Luke did, and there should have been repercussions. Maybe they didn't believe him and that's why he ran off, but the film doesn't tell us any of these things that would help us understand him more. Then, the final nail is the idea that Kylo murdered the other young Jedi, murdered Han, tried to murder Leia, and has been in the company of genocidal maniacs for years, and yet the film wants me to believe he can be saved. Nah, bruh. You gone. You been gone. You're not gonna flash your puppy dog eyes at me and think I want you to come to the light side. You stood by and watched billions of people die and yet Rey's big blues make you change your mind, but only for your own ambition? Fuck off. That entire thing fell to shambles for me. I like the idea of Rey and Ren having a connection because they are both alone and unsure of themselves, but this was not the way to do it. Ren's actions are beyond irredeemable. They were irredeemable the second he killed Han. Han didn't do shit to that snot-nosed punk bitch. He was his father and he wasn't the one who turned on him, it was Luke, so frankly, Ren can fuck off the edge of my non-existent dick, and I don't like that the movie swept all his indiscretions under the table to say maybe there was still good in him. He's a selfish bastard and that's that.

-Implying that Rey would turn to the Dark side fell flat on its face as well. She had no reason to turn. The movie played with the fact that she was alone, but that still doesn't work. She's not alone. She has Finn and the rebels. Sure, none of them would be able to understand the Jedi aspect of her personality, but it's still stupid for them to act like she would just be magically okay with the genocidal maniacs who slaughtered everything in the galaxy. It was weird, too, because Ren says something to the effect of "I saw you turn" and that doesn't happen, so was he lying to manipulate her or did the movie drop the subplot altogether? There was never a moment that I doubted her. I knew she had a pure heart because of what we've seen from her before. All we knew is that she was simply scared and alone. None of that translated to her joining the fucking Space Nazis, so why did they even pursue it? I think this could have been done better if instead of Ren killing Han (but to be fair, it's all Harrison Ford's goddamn fault, if he didn't hate Han, then this idea could have worked) we saw Ren and Rey starting to understand each other BEFORE he killed Han. Love is a strong motivator for if you want to have this idea of Rey possibly wavering from the light. I sure as fuck don't ship Reylo and I think it's gross, but if you rewrote the movie so that she and Ren bonded in the first film rather than him simply terrorizing her, then sure, the second film where she feels a connection with him and wants to rule at his side because she loves him now makes sense. The idea is similar to something from my urban fantasy series that I wrote, where the villain has no plans of ever turning good, but he has a soft spot for the leading lady and he doesn't want so much to turn her as make her his so he can be with her, and she doesn't so much want to turn him good as she recognizes that there is something inside him that calls to her. This is one of the only cases where I think a canon romance would have made more sense than whatever we got in the film itself. I could see Rey doubting herself if she fell in love with Ren. The starcrossed lovers angle is much stronger and much more believable than just "Rey doesn't know who she is and she thinks maybe she can bring Ren back to the light."

-I didn't like Finn and Rey being apart for the entire film. I think their friendship was easily the best and strongest thing about the Force Awakens. Both of them had strong motivations to do what they did and it made sense for them to both care so deeply for each other because they crashed into each other's lives and saved each other. They work better side by side, not in separate storylines. Their friendship was charming and adorable and this film really should have used it.

-If you add everything up, Finn's entire mission was pointless. The stand-in commander already had a plan and so everything Poe, Rose, and Finn did was pointless in the end. That sucks. You wasted their time and the audience's time, and that's what I meant when I said this movie has Middle Movie Syndrome. It feels like they just needed to find something for Finn, Rose, and Poe to do and so they just threw them this B Plot that is entirely useless and that's a huge disservice to them as characters.

-Rose is pretty forgettable. That's not knocking the actress playing her. It's just she's sort of a tool to the story and they really should have given her a better role with better stakes. I also don't like the shoehorned "love" line. It was a good line for the rebellion, but not for those two characters. I don't buy Rose falling for Finn. Finn's awesome, but they didn't go through nearly enough and didn't bond at all during their journey, so that "love" line is awkward and unwanted to me.

-Luke's death. Look, the fucking movie is called The Last Jedi, but did you really have to fake us out only to kill him anyway? That was fucking lame. What would have made it go down easier is if Luke had known when we first see him again that he was on his last legs. Build up his final days. Have him be old and tired and coughing constantly or knowing by the Force that he's reached the last moments of his lifetime, and that's why finally spurs him on to help the rebels once again after he meets Rey. Don't spring it on us. It didn't have a good impact because it just felt obligatory because it's the future franchise and we have to have our original three protagonists all bow out for the new kids on the block. I wanted a more touching death scene for him, even though I liked Han and Leia more from the original films. It just felt like a waste of a great legend for him to die out of nowhere. I actually thought from that shot that he saw an Empire ship firing at the island to kill him and I sort of like that more, as it would have been a good sucker punch (and we did hear Snoke mention that before he died) so I think this was yet another missed opportunity.

-Though the entire movie focuses on Rey, I feel like it told me less about her than the first film did. I like that she's a nobody. That's good. That's strong. That's interesting. But I don't like that she didn't really bond with Luke and I don't feel as if she learned a single damn thing on that island aside from maybe Ren was starting to falter, but in the end all he did was kill Snoke and assume command. He didn't turn back to the light, so why was there all this focus on him that took away from her? I was excited for the film because I thought Luke would come around and train her the way Yoda trained him. That would reveal more of her abilities and her strengths and weaknesses, but we didn't get much of that at all and it's not fair to her. She has so much potential, but it felt squandered to me.

-The goddamn Porgs. Look, Disney, I know you gotta sell toys, but I haven't seen such a transparent fucking commercial for toys since Olaf from Frozen. Jesus H. Christ. They literally just keep popping up on screen like a goddamn commercial. It's so obnoxious. They are not that cute. They're just gerbils with duck feet. I think Star Wars fans overreacted about the Ewoks, but if they all hate the Porgs, sure, I'll light a torch to march in that parade. Stop that. I'm watching a movie, for God's sake, not a toy commercial.

-I'm not really sure where things are heading with where it ends here. It just seems sort of vague and undefined, and as if we didn't get much accomplished in the long run. Very wheelspin-y.

-There’s a million plotholes and plot contrivances. I can’t be bothered to count them all, so a year from now when CinemaSins does a video, then I’ll post a link, Just know there are a lot of plotholes this time around.

Bottom line: if the neckbeards are out here hating the movie, cry me a fucking river. It is in no way that bad. The prequels are still by far the worst movies in the franchise. I think The Last Jedi is simply misguided. It brings up great questions, but then doesn't answer or address most of them. It introduces too many ideas without flushing them out and making you connect on a personal level the way The Force Awakens did. It's mainly just that the goals are unclear and so are the characters. I think it's still possible to get the franchise back on track with the final film. I certainly don't think this movie is bad by any stretch. I just feel that it missed its target. Maybe they'll hit it next time.

#Star Wars #The Last Jedi #Star Wars The Last Jedi #movie review #film review #Luke Skywalker #Rey #Ben Solo #Leia Organa #Han Solo #spoiler alert #spoilers #finally #Poe Damaron

[merryfae]

Yall mind if I rant: The Sequel Nobody Wanted

The newest comic got me to question my stance on Korra/sami yet again (the dashes here exist to keep it out of the tags, just in case that’s still a problem). The short version of this is that my stance really hasn’t changed. (Also, just a headsup, I haven’t read my old anti k/s post in a long time, but it’s probably full of logical fallacies and the lot, so…what I’m getting at here is please don’t judge me based on what I’ve written in the past). 

I remember when I loved LOK. Book 1, I was able to look past the flaws, because the tension, characters, and atmosphere was so good. Book 2, the flaws became harder to overlook, but the Avatar Wan episode was definitely an experience. Book 3 was an entirely solid outing, though I missed some of that original atmosphere from Book 1. And then Book 4. I was so excited for the finale, because Book 4, despite its flaws, had been pretty great. But through the majority of the finale I was thinking to myself, “is that it?” Like, don’t get me wrong, there were some good fight scenes between Korra and Kuvira, and Mako’s sacrifice was pretty powerful, but most of it was underwhelming. It felt less like a wrap up of the show, and more like a wrap up of that season. Nothing from past seasons really tied together with the exception of the spirit portal. Plot elements from past seasons that could have been integrated into the show were dropped altogether. I don’t know. It was disappointing. 

So I was already in a bad mood, and the entire ending with Korra//sami kind of killed it even more for me. Because representation is important, no doubt. I push for it a lot myself. But not when it impedes the storytelling. The storytelling of LOK? Didn’t warrant it. This is coming from someone who, at the start of Book 3, loved the idea of Korra/sami. Their interaction in the car? Adorable. Asami sparring with Korra? Great. But there was nothing in future episodes to build up to a romantic conclusion. There was a scene where Korra blushed when receiving a complement from Asami. That’s the only scene between Korra and Asami that implied romantic intent. That and Mako’s whole, “What is with you two???” thing when they all go out for lunch, but goodness, if that wasn’t the most forced, inconsequential conflict I’ve seen in this series. I mean, if you have to tell the audience that there’s something going on between these characters instead of showing us, maybe there’s a reason a portion of your audience didn’t latch on to your intent. 

The problem with every scene where Asami and Korra interact (aside from the fact that they don’t bond over internal, character-building struggles, and instead just solve external problems together) is that most scenes are just Asami supporting Korra emotionally. Which, okay, for another character, that could imply romance. However, Asami’s character is already naturally caring and nurturing. She was already a character who was entirely supportive of the rest of the cast, so it’s no stretch of the imagination by any means to view her supporting Korra with tea or her offering intimate support when Korra is devastated in the Book 3 finale as inherently platonic. And, given that she was a support figure already, Korra sending her letters that the others “wouldn’t understand” can likewise read as platonic. This would be different if a character like, say, Opal interacted with Korra in similar ways after her introduction, a character who did not exist to offer unconditional support to our main leads already throughout the show, and whom Korra alternatively exhibits support for in Book 3 (or maybe I just really like their air bending scene together. I don’t know. Don’t hold me to that one). And that covers basically all of Korra and Asami’s interactions – Asami offering Korra support, and Korra accepting (usually) that support. That is, aside from those short (very short) but sweet moments at the beginning of Book 3. Plus, Book 4 takes place after a years-long gap as well, so the fact that we’re only shown them interacting once outside of the finale in Book 4 really speaks volumes. Which is not to mention that, aside from that last scene they have together, they hardly interact in the finale at all. I wanted to like this ship. I really, really did. But not when the writing didn’t add up. 

And then there’s the fact that Bryke’s claims that Korra/sami was intended from the beginning are obviously false. I mean, they’re on record saying that after Book 2, relationship drama had come to an end, and they were ready to focus on friendship. If I remember correctly, the voice actors had to be called back in after the finale had already been finished in order to include that last scene with Korra and Asami. It was literally last minute. 

It certainly doesn’t help that I dislike basically every ship in LOK. I never liked B/opal either. I didn’t like M/asmi, and Ma/korra didn’t have the best development itself. Honestly, I don’t think Bryke are good at writing romance period. But I’m angrier about Korra/sami, because not only is it a relationship involving the show’s main character, but it’s the central focus of the scene that ended the entire show. Say what you want about Kat/aang, but at least that ship was planned and introduced beyond minimal amounts of subtext from day one. It was a consistent part of the story. And alternatively, if LOK had ended with Ma/korra like it did in Book 1, I wouldn’t be necessarily pleased with it, but at least there was a textual history there between the two. 

And I hear the arguments about how Bryke couldn’t include textual evidence of Korra/sami because it was a ship between two women. Okay, point taken. I mean, they did admit that they didn’t even bother asking Nick until last minute, but I digress. But jeez, you could at least develop their relationship a bit, couldn’t you? Again, the only conflicts these two face together are external ones. Korra and Asami fight a gang. Asami carries Korra away from danger while Mako and Bolin fight off baddies. Korra and Asami escape/crash/rebuild an airship. In none of these scenes together do they have any meaningful interactions. Maybe you could count Korra grinning at Asami for two seconds while they rebuild the airship. Maybe. But they don’t bond over anything or talk about anything except what’s happening to them at the hands of outside forces (or essentially, what’s relevant to the plot). Hence why Asami’s offer of unconditional support of Korra in the Book 3 finale rings a little hollow. It’s just Asami doing what she’s been doing the whole time, albeit with a more emotional framing. 

And all this could all lead me to explaining why I didn’t like the conclusion of Korra’s character arc, or why I didn’t like how Asami was essentially a plot device until Book 3, and even then, she wasn’t given any real development. (In fact, I’m actually kind of bitter that the show didn’t write Asami better. Her entire character basically revolved around A) the love triangle nonsense or B) her father/company). But if I were to go in depth with that, it’d take another thousand or so words, and I’m amazed I even had the drive to write this whole thing in the first place. In short, the show really is a mess. 

Now, I’m only writing all this because I’ve seen panels from the comic. The first few panels I saw, I figured I shouldn’t judge too harshly. I didn’t see enough of the actual comic to draw a conclusion. But with the new ones out, it’s safe to say that the comic seems relatively out of character for both Korra and Asami. Seriously, maybe one sentence in there sounded like it could come from Korra. I implore you all to switch the dialogue and pretend Korra is saying Asami’s lines, and Asami is saying Korra’s. Do you feel the character-charged dialogue? Me neither. And anywho, I’m a bit frustrated people are hailing Korra/sami as the epitome of representation when it’s really…not. It’s hard seeing Korra develop into a nearly unrecognizable character for me, because she was the saving grace of the show from day one. 

Korra/sami isn’t the only ship that’s frustrated me like this. I downright despise several forced ships in fictional media, especially when it’s detrimental to a character’s development. I didn’t like J/ashi from Samurai Jack. Krist/anna or Kristoff/anna or whatever the heck it’s called from Frozen was pretty awful. Several Marvel movies (of which I am a fan) have awful romance subplots (Sta/ron and Bruce/nat are the biggest offenders). At the end of the day, Korra/sami isn’t the biggest offender. It does offer quality bi representation between two WOC. But that doesn’t mean we have to like it. Go ahead and enjoy your ooc comics folks. Who knows. Maybe it’ll actually be good. 

#anti korrasami #anti bryke #shipping nonsense #i really hope i don't come off as pretentious #as i gain more confidence i'm always worried about asserting myself #do i sound like a jerk? #also #my inbox is open so if you wanna have some polite discourse #hit me up #also also #did i write this whole thing only for no one to read it? #yes yes i did #and a headsup #i didn't write this out of anger #i wrote this because i love fictional analysis #this honestly started off as a one paragraph thing that i wasn't planning on posting #but i had so much fun i ended writing a bajillion words