#cw intergenerational trauma

[mpregjohnwinchester]

You KNEW my prompt was gonna include pregnancy lmao but I’m gonna say samdean accidental pregnancy — your choice if Dean or Deanna, your choice which season but I wanna see Dean(na) confessing to Sam that s/he’s knocked up!

here you go mate <3 (sorry for sneaking my deanna and david bowie headcanon in here but i had reason to believe you wouldn't mind xD - and exploring this pushed me nicely out of my comfort zone so thank you for the prompt!)

The skies over the salvage yard are pink with shepherd's delight clouds.  The evening breeze has a little bite, and the air smells like rotting oil and dead leaves. The latter scent is one Sam associates with shoplifting school supplies, with the good coffee shops opening up on campus again. It's an awkward nostalgia, but it comes to him anyway as he buttons up his shirt for warmth and makes a start on staking out the boulevard of broken cars, armed with two bottles of El Sol and a mental note of all the phrases he's learned not to say. Deanna's gotta be out here somewhere.

The thing is, Sam thinks as he passes the nearly restored Impala, it had seemed like his sister was doing a little better. She's still sharp tongued and irritable, but she's not been spending 12 hours a day doing god knows what under that hood. She's been hanging out with Sam and Bobby more in the evenings, not really saying much, but sometimes she smiles with her whole face at something someone says, and Sam's always a little surprised at the force of his relief. She's even been talking a bit about getting out on the road again, even if she never directly mentions Dad; but Sam's caught her quietly leafing through his journal now and then lately. Not that he's said anything about it, because that's just asking for trouble; and anyway, regardless of any improvement, Sam still has no idea what's going on in Deanna's head, really. She feels very far away.

She went out this afternoon. For hours. Didn't say where she was going; but it's got to be the first time she's left Bobby's place in weeks. She left her phone behind on the nightstand, in this way that Sam couldn't help but suspect was intentional, because there had to be something about that; had to be something in the way Deanna caught Sam's eye through the window as she was coming back, coming all slow down the path with Dad's jacket over her shoulders and this tight expression on her face. Something in the way Deanna had sharply changed direction at the sight of him, veering off until she faded into the salvage yard and Sam couldn't see her anymore. And it's not that Sam meant to be hovering near the front of the house at the exact moment of her return like a worried parent, but shit happens.

Let her be, son, Bobby had said, without looking up from his scotch and that leatherbound demonology book he'd been annotating all day. Harder you push, the more she's gonna clam up.

It bothers Sam when Bobby talks like that, like he knows Deanna better than Sam does or something. As for letting her be - well, if Bobby knows Sam at all, he's got a strange way of showing it.

As Sam goes deeper into the yard, he can hear music. Tinny, faint; but Sam recognizes David Bowie. He spent enough time being subjected to every single tape the guy ever made, even the really out there ones, over and over again as a kid to know that voice anywhere. That had been one of Deanna's more intense phases. Sam thinks she finds him comforting now, maybe; familiar, well worn, like an old blanket. She'd deny that, of course, the way she always denies shit that she thinks sounds girly, or maybe just vulnerable - but it hadn't been lost on Sam over the past year, how Deanna would play those tapes during nearly every overnight drive they took. Her hands always a little too tight on the steering wheel, Dad's unknown whereabouts breathing down the backs of their neck like a spirit.

Sam follows that bustling piano, ch-ch-changes, until he finds his sister. She's sitting on the floor, leaning against the dented door of an eighties truck with a mangled hood. The windows are down. The music is coming from inside.

Dad's jacket is so big over Deanna's shoulders. It practically drowns her, looks kind of ridiculous, if Sam were to be mean about it; still smells like Dad's cigarettes. Deanna doesn't look up, when Sam approaches, but she doesn't hide her face or snipe at him to fuck off either. Which means this is already going well.

"Hey." Sam says it cautiously. "What are you doing out here?" 

Her eyes roll up at him. "Making bacon and eggs, jackass. What's it look like I'm doing?"

Sam doesn't know, actually. Still, he takes the sarcasm on the chin. He holds one of the beer bottles out to Deanna; she glances at it, then shakes her head.

It surprises Sam, but he doesn't push. "You look like crap," he offers.

Deanna snorts. "Well. Don't you know how to make a girl feel special."

There's no bite in it. That tells Sam they're okay. She does, though; look like crap, that is. Tired; washed out. She's been sleeping in the day a lot. Bobby says it's the grief, that she needs it. Sam could believe that. He wonders, though, if Bobby's heard Deanna throwing up in the night lately. Not just one of her tactical upchucks to stave off a hangover, because she's not been drinking all that much lately; but these real hacking puke sessions that jolt Sam out of sleep in the early hours of the morning. She never comes back to her bed afterwards. And Sam has his suspicions about that too, like with the left behind phone; it's Deanna's way of not giving him a chance to pry. She knows how thin the wall between the bathroom and the spare bedroom is.

"Can I sit?" Sam asks.

Deanna shrugs. It's as good as permission.

Sam lowers himself down beside her, gets comfy on the rough gravel. He puts down the beers; doesn't feel much like drinking by himself.

They sit in silence for a while. Puts Sam on edge; but it's hard to know what to say to Deanna most of the time these days, which isn't a position he's ever been in before. Then again, they've never been in the position of losing their father before, so there's that. It still doesn't feel real. It probably never will.

"Keys were still in the ignition," Deanna says, nodding up towards the truck. "Tapedeck works. Engine's salvageable. Bobby's way too quick to junk these babies. Upsets me."

Sam smiles. "Dare you to say that to his face."

"Hey, maybe I will. If he gave me half a day with this death trap I'd get her purring again. Turn her into a whole new woman."

She folds her arms, tilts her head back against that dented door. Her eyes are kinda pink and bleary.

"You should see the tapes in the glove compartment," she adds. "'S a fucking goldmine.

"Is this Hunky Dory?" Sam asks.

Deanna raises an eyebrow. "Wow. And there I was thinking you weren't paying attention all this time."

"You didn't exactly give me a choice. You only played this album every day for like ten years."

Deanna grins. "I'm proud of you, Sammy. I knew you'd learn to love it eventually."

"Love is a strong word," Sam replies.

Deanna snorts again. Something like affection passes over her face. Sam hasn't seen that in a while.

"I lost this album years ago," Deanna says. "Think it ended up with Dad, maybe. You know how our stuff used to always get mixed up." 

Sam's a little stunned. And maybe it shows, because Deanna narrows her eyes at him. "What?"

"Nothing." He swallows - "Just that you, uh, mentioned Dad."

"Yeah. So?"

It's quick, defensive enough for Sam to know to shut up. He's getting good at that kind of thing. 

Deanna's scowl fades; she grins, lightly punches his thigh. "You creep. Quit staring at me."

Sam didn't realize he was. But if they were a different kind of people, maybe Sam would tell Deanna how pretty she looks under the dying sunlight, under those pink, glowy clouds; but he wouldn't really know how to put something like that, and Deanna would never let him live it down if he said it aloud anyway. So he keeps it to himself. Instead, he watches Deanna pull at a spooling thread from her shirt sleeve peeking out from beneath Dad's jacket.

"You know," Deanna says, "being out here always reminds me of us being kids. Bobby letting us play in the yard until the sun went down. Bringing us lemonade. Do you remember?"

Sam smiles. "Yeah, Dee. Of course I remember."

Deanna carries on like she wasn't expecting an actual response. "We'd never had homemade lemonade. Remember how I used to try to make it for you when we got back on the road? Mine always kinda sucked, though."

Sam feels a little on edge, hyper aware of everything his body is doing, like he's trying not to spook a wild gazelle. This is the most Deanna has spoken in weeks. "You tried," he offers, because she did, Deanna always tried so hard with stuff like that. He hasn't thought about Deanna's crappy lemonade in years. With Bowie warbling about life on mars on the stereo, and the memory of Deanna's sticky too-bitter attempt alive on his tongue, it feels like it's 1992 again.

Deanna keeps pulling at that thread. "You know, back when I used to watch you - I was, I dunno, maybe ten or eleven. And you were so - you were so damn innocent, you know? Just really cute, I guess."

"Cute?" Sam echoes.

"Yeah." There's this tight, half-smile on her mouth that Sam can't quite read. "You were so curious about shit all the time. Always wanting me to tell you stories. Always getting yourself scraped and bruised because you couldn't stop fucking climbing stuff." 

Sam isn't sure what to say. There's something about remembering himself as a child that makes him uncomfortable. Maybe it's the idea of being so small and so helpless; or maybe it's the memory of that hard-to-place unease that lived inside of him like blood from the moment he was fully sentient, that gut-deep sense that something about his life - his family, his barely present Daddy - just wasn't right.

"You were a pain in the ass," Deanna continues, with this fond chuckle. "Asking me questions all the time. Wanting to know how every little thing in the world worked. If I didn't know the answers, I'd just make 'em up. You believed everything I said." She clicks her tongue. "Man, do I miss that."

Why are we talking about this? Sam nearly asks. But that runs the risk that Deanna will snap shut like an oyster, and Sam will never get the answer at all. So he keeps his mouth closed. He lets Deanna carry on.

"Sammy, I used to -" She trails off, looking weirdly sheepish. "This is so so fucking weird, but like - when I was watching you, I used to wish you were actually my kid. And you - you kinda were, you know? Felt like you were mine... mine just as much as you were Dad's."

Dad, again. Sounds so unfamiliar in Deanna's voice now that it takes Sam a moment to process the revelation that came before it. "You did? Seriously?" is all he manages.

"Yeah." She's looking at her lap. Still that tight half-smile. "Seriously."

And Sam struggles to know what to do with that, what it means. Because it's hard, lately, for Sam to be angry with his father about much; makes him feel almost empty, actually, after a lifetime of nursing this near-addictive resentment over things he never fully understood. And of those things, Deanna - getting her stuff mixed up with Dad's, being so intertwined with him, resembling her martyred mother so much Dad could never stop commenting on it - Deanna seeing Sam as her own, apparently - well, he doesn't know. Sometimes Deanna just says shit. He probably isn't meant to read into it.

And besides, Sam doesn't know anything for sure. Always felt like he never really wanted to. And as he's already made his choice to love his father, he needs to keep it that way.

Deanna shuts her eyes, then. They're puffy under her lashlines, kissed with gray. "I mean," she says, "Don't get me wrong. You annoyed the crap outta me sometimes." She shrugs, hard, like a defence to an attack Sam hasn't made. "I - I do know that, Sammy. I know there was times I coulda been nicer to you." She looks a little pained.

"We were just kids Dee," Sam offers. "Not like either of us were exactly saints." 

"I keep remembering," Deanna continues, in that way, like Sam hadn't spoken again, "There was this time Dad kind of - got caught up in something. Still don't know what. But he wasn't home when he said he'd be. We were running out of everything. Food, money. No one was answering the phone. And you - you were driving me insane, Sammy."

Deanna says the last part a little too quietly; her head bows, hair covering her face. And Sam thinks he knows where this is going. He's getting a little uneasy.

"You just - you kept on and on with your damn questions. 'Where's Dad? What does he do while he's away? When's he coming back?' Then you - you asked about Mom."

"Deanna-"

She shakes her head, cutting him off. Something bitter on her lips, not quite a smile. "Who punches a five year old in the face, Sammy? I can't believe I -"

"You were only nine, Dee." Sam reminds her, when she doesn't finish the sentence. "You didn't know any better."

And it's true; Dad made sure of that, with his shoot first, ask questions later manifesto. But Deanna would never see it that way. She just laughs, colorless, bitter. "Yeah. I did. I shoulda, at least. I just -" She huffs. "Sometimes it feels like I just - I couldn't stop screwing up."

"You were doing it all by yourself." As the words leave his mouth, Sam registers how they sound. Like something you'd say about a single mom, some divorced thirty something with three kids, working two jobs to keep everyone fed and clothed. Not a nine year old.

"I guess -" Deanna sucks in a breath. "I just think about that a lot. That's all."

There's this dread growing inside of Sam as he watches Deanna's mouth twist up; she blinks, angrily. "Are you - crying?"

"Shut up," she mumbles.

She turns her face away a little. Draws her knees up to her chest. And it's strange and unsettling for Sam to see, like a horse walking on its hind legs or something; because Deanna doesn't cry, crying is for girls, and anatomy aside, she doesn't much like being seen as one of those. Even before Dad's pyre she stood, solemn and silent, breathing slow, composed. A hell of a lot more composed than Sam was, anyway.

"What's going on, Dee?"

She shrugs. That's very different to I'm fine.

And if things had been in any way close to normal over the last couple of months, Sam might touch Deanna's hand right about now. Lace their fingers; cup her face. Kiss her, maybe, the way she hasn't let him kiss her in a long time. Not since - well - not since the night they let Dad go. Sam can still remember the heat from the fire on his face, the way Deanna's hair felt grainy with ash; how her lips had tasted earthy and swollen, how she felt so small and fragile in his arms, more than she ever had. Still his big sister. Still the person he wants when he's scared and spiralling and doesn't know what to do but grab onto her, and hold on and on and on.

Deanna sniffs, loudly. "I just - I had so much on my shoulders, you know? Dealin' with you... dealin' with Dad..."

Her voice cracks a little. Sam says, "It was - it was a lot. I know." 

A lot. So much summed up in those two words, but it's not like Sam's had a lot of practise in talking about this.

Deanna laughs down at her folded knees, all thick. "You don't know, Sammy. You don't know at all. And I'm - I'm really glad you don't."

Sam isn't sure what to say to that. Partly because he can't gauge Deanna's tone, and partly because that feels like one of the most honest things Deanna's ever said to him. And now he's really worried.

"I just - I always wished I had another chance, you know? A chance to do over all those screw ups I made."

Tentatively, Sam reaches out to put a hand on her shoulder. It tenses a little beneath his fingers; but she doesn't pull away. That's good.

"I don't know where all this is coming from, Dee," Sam admits.

There's a pause, and Deanna seems to blink for a little too long. "It's - Sammy, I just keep on thinking. Dad's - Dad's gone." 

It's the first time she's actually said it. Sam swallows; throat feels a little thick. "Yeah. I know."

"And I was just getting - you get used to things being one way, you know?" She runs a hand through her hair, shiny with grease like oil slicks. "It's always like that. You start getting used to things, and then - then some other shit happens. And suddenly things are a whole new way. Before you can even fucking -"

"What do you mean?"

"Sammy, I knew something was wrong. I - I think I knew all along. But - today..."

Sam does everything in his power to keep his growing anxiety out of his voice. "Where did you go today, Deanna?" 

Her lips press together. She's still looking at her lap.

That dread expands, curdles, in Sam's gut. "Tell me."

Her hands are shaking against her thighs. "I - I went to the doctor."

That's absolutely the last thing Sam expected. "Since when do you go to the doctor?"

"I kinda had to."

Sam watches the little quiver of her fingers; and with that, he thinks back to the puking, the tiredness, how not right his sister looks. He thinks about Jess, how they were talking about what color to paint the living room 24 hours before she went up in flames on the ceiling. He thinks about Dad calmly sending him off for coffee before he…

Things are one way. Then suddenly they're another. Before you can blink, before you even remember your own name.

"Are you - are you sick?" Sam tries to keep his voice even.

Deanna isn't looking at him. "Kinda."

Sam thinks about Deanna hooked up to wires and machines. The miracle; how miracles don't happen. He's been harboring a little fear that there has to still be something wrong. A lacerated organ. A foreign object. Something they must have missed. But he thought - hoped - it was just that - a fear.

Sam sucks in a breath. "Okay. So - so what..."

Deanna smiles grimly. "Turns out I've got a parasite."

He watches Deanna shift. Her hand move towards one of the pockets of Dad's jacket. She keeps her eyes on her lap as she passes a small slip of paper to Sam. Small, rectangular. He takes it.

It's a moment or so before he realizes what he's seeing. Kind of like a photograph; a fuzzy sepia. Odd shapes that slowly begin to make sense.

"Ten weeks," Deanna says, her voice a little hoarse with disbelief. "I'm - I'm ten fucking weeks pregnant, Sammy."

Sam stares numbly at that ultrasound still. At the shapes, like two beans stacked on top of each other. Faint, fuzzy lines. Tiny arms. Tiny legs. He stares at them until they blur.

Ten weeks. Ten weeks since -

"So it's - " Sam can't finish the sentence.

"Yeah, Sammy. It's yours."

Her voice sounds very far away. And Sam can smell ash and fumes, traces of hospital grade body wash on Deanna's skin, skin that was bruised all over from cannulae and wires; and Sam couldn't catch his breath because Dad was gone, the last of him was just yards away on that burnt out pyre, gone; and Deanna's hands were on his face, tangled up in his hair, forehead pressed against his, and she was straddling his lap in the Impala's backseat, her eyes shut, muttering ssh, ssh over and over, maybe to Sam, or maybe to herself, but she kept saying it, even through the long kisses she kept pressing to his mouth; and Sam remembers he could barely see, he felt like he was choking on that ashy air, but he had Deanna, and he needed Deanna, he'd never needed her so much in his entire life. And Deanna understood, the way she's always understood things like that; and Deanna had kept on with her kissing and ssh-ing as she moved on top of him, fast, desperate, and Sam had clung onto her waist and met each roll of her hips, fast, anguished, because he couldn't get close enough, deep enough; and Deanna had been making these pitchy, breathless sounds like she was in pain, but she didn't stop Sam, and the whole time her eyes were wide and fixed on his face; and Sam remembers tangling her hair around his fingers like rope, he remembers arching up against her as he came, his body going through the motions, his senses numb to it. That numbness hasn't really left him since.

"Sammy, say something."

Deanna's voice, strained, cuts through the memory. Hauls Sam back to the present; Bowie, rotten oil, dead leaves. That autumnal breeze. His sister's face, tight and worried. Sam recognizes that pallor a little more now: shock.

It's passing through Sam as well. Of all the things he expected - this was nowhere on the list. Nowhere close.

"Alright," he manages eventually. Amazed at how calm he sounds. "What do you wanna do?" Because that's the thing to ask, right?

Deanna's lips twist again. "I mean - like, right away, I thought about just - you know - going off and taking care of it. Not even telling you. Just - "

"You wouldn't have told me?"

"I said I thought about it, Sam." She clicks her tongue; another rough wipe of her eyes. "I'm telling you now, aren't I?"

Sam keeps staring. Staring, at that image. That tiny, tiny baby. 

"Is that what you want?" he manages, eventually. Hoarse as Deanna. "To - take care of it?"

Deanna's pause seems to roll around the length of the yard. Then, her eyes stray to her lap again. "You know, Dad used to lecture me about this shit. Made it very clear how disappointed he'd be if I ever accidentally got myself knocked up."

Sam says, "Really?"

"Yeah. All the time." There's something acidic in Deanna's voice. "And you know why he harped on about it so much?"

"Why?"

"Because he said it wouldn't be fair to bring a kid into all this. Into the life." Deanna laughs, this flat, one-note thing. Something sharp flashes through her eyes; something gone too quick for Sam to fully identify. "Can you believe he said that to me? After everything he..."

She stops. And Sam watches Deanna's face reset, as if she hadn't expressed something like anger towards Dad for the first time ever. Something like what Sam has been saying, feeling, thinking, ever since he was old enough to understand. Everything Deanna always denied.

"It wouldn't have to be the same." It comes out of Sam's mouth before he can catch up with it. "You know. The same as we had it."

Deanna keeps on looking at her lap.

"You -" Sam takes a breath. "You know that, right?"

Deanna sighs. More like the breath whipping out of her body. "I'm not gonna stop looking for the demon, Sammy."

She says it like she expected Sam to insist on it. He clarifies: "I'm not saying we do. I'm saying we make it work."

He has no idea how. No fucking idea. His brain hasn't quite absorbed what's in front of him yet, the news undigested; but he's certain, somehow, of that.

Deanna gives that odd laugh again. Sam isn't sure what it means, this time. "It's also..." She picks at that thread on her shirt again. "I mean, the doctor said it looked healthy. But what if it comes out and it's like, a cyclops or something?"

"Why would it be -"

Deanna's shoulders rise. "You've seen Deliverance, right?"

Oh.

Sam swallows. His eyes stray back to the picture. Not that he can see much; not that there's much to see. But there's enough there for Sam to think it looks absolutely perfect.

"There are risks," is all he can think to say. "But it's - you know. It's not completely inevitable."

Deanna narrows her eyes. "You've already looked this stuff up, haven't you?"

She says it in this accusatory way. Sam runs his thumb delicately across the grainy image. "There was always a chance this could happen, Dee."

Always a chance. They've never done much to mitigate it, really. There's not enough space in Sam's brain right now, to wonder why that is.

Deanna skips over it too. Runs a hand through that greasy hair. Her lips twist.

"I just think," she says, after a while, "even if it comes out with three heads, playing a fucking banjo... would I care? You know?"

She's still not quite meeting Sam's eyes. Sam prompts, "Would you?"

"I mean. It's not like it'd be the only freak in this family, right?" A smile spreads across her mouth. "Sammy, you know I wouldn't care. I'd -I'd love it no matter what."

"Me too." It comes out thick; Sam's never been more sure of anything in his life.

He hands Deanna back the picture; takes her hand, deceptively delicate and cold in his, as he watches her eyes fog up with tears again. She doesn't hide this time; leans in to press her forehead against Sam's, just like that night ten weeks ago, just like they've come full circle. And fuck, it feels like forever since Sam's been touched like this, touched by anyone; he's just wondering if leaning in for a kiss would be pushing it, when he feels Deanna's plump, dried out lips brushing his. They feel a little sticky, and there's this malodor to her breath, but Sam barely registers it. It's like coming home.

I missed you, he doesn't say; can't, when Deanna's mouth would smother it anyway. When Deanna would only screw her face up and call him a big girl, and he'd rattle with guilt about feeling a little humiliated by that, but he'd feel it anyway.

Deanna pulls away first. She's a little flushed, and Sam can faintly see the capillaries in her face, like pink lines on a map under her skin; she squeezes his hand, laces their fingers. Moves them together until Sam's palm is flat against her stomach, the warmth of her body underneath that worn flannel.

"I keep thinking I can feel it," she whispers. "Now I know it's there."

Sam watches their interlaced hands dumbly. Overwhelmed. He can too.

"I kinda hope it's a girl." Deanna's voice has that hoarse quality again. "So I can - so she can have a Mom. So she can have what I didn't have."

She says it at the exact moment Sam finds himself hoping it's a boy. His reasons are similar. But for someone who doesn't like to talk, Deanna's always been way better at articulating stuff like that.

"You'll be a great Mom, Dee," he says, firmly. You were to me.

"Alright. You don't need to kiss my ass." Deanna ruffles his hair, like she did when she kissed him goodnight as a kid.

It takes Sam a moment to find his voice again. "I mean it, Dee. We'll make it work." He says it with this conviction that rises up from somewhere deep. "And I'm gonna be here for you, alright? Every step of the way."

Deanna groans. "Jesus Christ. I knew you'd be like this."

But she's smiling. And Sam allows himself to as well.

"Sammy?"

"Yeah?"

“You know Dad would kill us, right? But man, do I wish he was here right now.”

She says it with a laugh in her voice, her face all twisted up; and Sam can't help but remember how he and Jess had talked about kids, vaguely, sometimes, kind of like a concept, a distant dream. How Sam had thought to himself about Dad a lot then, too, the way he never really stopped thinking about Dad and Deanna. He remembers wondering to himself whether Dad would be proud. Whether he'd even want a grandkid; if he'd want to know at all. Back then, Sam genuinely toyed with the idea that Dad wouldn't even care. Never come back, Sam.

It's not the same, now. Holy fuck, this is not the same, and it can probably only be a good thing that Dad's not here to know about this; so Sam pushes away the thought. He puts his arms around Deanna's waist and pulls her as close as he dares.

"It'll be okay," he says again, because he can't think of anything else. Because it has to be.

Deanna's looking at him kinda intently. "Sam, do you think this is Dad's way of like - you know - coming back?"

"Uh - what?"

Deanna shrugs. "Dunno. Just - hormones talking, I guess." She squeezes Sam's hand against her stomach. "Forget I said anything."

Sam's not sure he can. They don't say anything after that.

#asks #prompts #samdeanna #johndeanna if u squint #my writing #yes I know I literally always play in this part of the Canon sandbox #but whatever i invite you to sue me #cw discussions of abortion #cw childhood trauma #cw intergenerational trauma #cw incest #this came out very soft by my standards lol #well apart from all the incest and trauma #it's so heavy on the incest lol

[punkeropercyjackson]

It is beyond dumb and annoying as fuck when people look at characters who're in intergenerational friendships and immediately jump to pedopjacking the older character even if their dynamic is healthy because it blatantly overlooks WHY kids and adults being close friends can be bad.It's not a problem on it's own,the problem is a lot adults don't actually care about kids or are fucking ped0s and the solution isn't not let them interact except relatives fullstop,it's to teach younger how to identify predators so they can stay away from them and pretty much nobody who's insistent on the thing i'm talking about does it!In latino cultures like mine,it's normalized for children and older folks to be close even with no blood relations to form a stronger and safer community and it's also normalized to tell kids that it's wrong for adults to view them sexually(admitedly,this is sadly not universal but there's tons of latino regions where pedophiles are considered not people)

Kids and adults CAN have real friendships but it's important for the adults in them to establish proper boundries and not use the younger person as a therapist and in fact,it should be the other way around because it's the job of older people to be positive figures in younger ones lives they can count on and since i'm an eldest sibling who's always gotten along with their little siblings,i enjoy hanging out with and taking care of younger people and not expecting adult behavior from them because that's what my s/os and adult friends are for!It's also a personal thing for me because i got bullied growing up and had absolute ass adults all around me so this is my way of breaking the cycle of abuse by being the person for my bio siblings and my intergenerational friends i wished i'd had and i see the latter as my siblings too(and vice versa)since it's a culture thing i was raised in to see your friends as the same as family

'Why would an adult be close friends with a kid?That's weird!'Because kids are people with feelings and personalities of their own and not 'puritans' or 'stupid' or 'losers' or 'taking up space' or 'should know better even if they weren't taught better' and some of us reacted to experiencing child abuse by growing up to care about kids because we were once them too and the fact that you'd rather believe nobody could ever love a child in a familial way without abusive intentions says a lot about you with how you treat them in general,hope this fucking helps bitch!!!!

#children's rights #was i a troubled kid?yeah you could say that #child abuse cw #pedophillia tw #grooming cw #child molestation cw #antiproship #siblings tag #me willy and wilmari #me and sammy #eldest daughter syndrome #intergenerational trauma #agere flip #actuallyautistic #actuallymentallyill #blackness #black femme #trans #transgender #xenogender #catkin #dragonkin #ghostkin #plantkin #kidcore #actuallyptsd #pastel punk tag #anarchism #💌 #summerposting

[thinking-in-broken-scenes]

Inherited Trauma

Unwanted Daughter of an Unwanted Daughter

A legacy of pain carried in my bones

The violation put upon my mother courses through my veins every day

How do I forgive myself for a crime that I didn't commit but am a product of?

We pass on our trauma to our children braid it into their hair and cook it into their food.

Clothe them in the hand-me-down patterns of destruction

We may pretend there are no scars but we were born from that scared body and you can never fully hide them

The lies of being okay are just as toxic in your mouth as they are in our ears but telling the truth is poison to the child who only wants to be loved

So we pantomime the happy family, knowing we can never undo what was done to us and what we have done to each other

#my writing #poem #rape cw #poetry #my poetry #my poem #writers on tumblr #trauma #intergenerational trauma #mother #words #child of rape

[winepresswrath]

drusilla's canon grandma kink is a thing that can be so charming & unhinged.

#do i empathize with darla not being into it. yes. 100% it is horrible #but come onnn it's so funny and endearing that drusilla wants to go there #sexually and also emotionally she's making it uncomfortable for everyone. if she wanted to play nuclear family & iirc sometimes she does #they'd role with it because they're creatures of the night perverting wholesome domesticity is their jam. but no. #drusilla says this is an intergenerational household of cringe and i want a boyfriendson just like grandma #spike when drusilla is like you're the knight and i'm the princess: overjoyed. honoured. so turned on and blissed out he could die (again) #spike when drusilla is like i want to show grandmother my new baby: incest is just a very touchy topic for me right now babe #you can't cancel her she's just processing her trauma!! #incidentally i think it's also interesting that william the bloody awful poet does not have daddy issues at all as far as we see. #very much unlike angel and also penn! angelus has so many daddy issues he actually sought out another human with daddy issues to turn #so he could play vampire daddy about the art of murdering your family. like a full 2/3 vamps we know for sure he turned (i think??) call hi #dad. only partially as a sex thing. yikes!!! this manpire is so unwell on the dad front #but it looks like william's father predeceased him #and he had time to process and come to terms with that before he got vamped #if he had a bad relationship with him he doesn't think about it unless i'm misremembering season 7 which is very possible #but spike the vampire is so daddy issues flavoured and it's just. it's just angelus issues like imagine you're 27 years old reborn #to eternal night and your girlfriend's other boyfriend she calls daddy fucks you up like that. there's so much oof in that relationship #no wonder he's mad. that is just embarrassing. like yes obviously the backdoor of his mommy issues provided an opening but still. still!!! #press says btvs #cw: incest #cw:drusilla

[thejugheadparadox]

okayy jstor this ones gonna fuck me up!

#344 page long books for jewish girls whose families were ruined by the holocaust and who are planning to put on a production of king lear #centred around diasporic intergenerational trauma and the concept of england. and the family. and death #this already starts by talking about the storm as ash what if i vomited in a bush #holocaust cw #shoah cw

[aceyanaheim]

"my dad's dad was an asshole..he was a little bit better. I think we're all echoes of the people who raised us and if we're a lucky we're a bit better."

Owew no I wasn't ready

#NO ONE PREPARED ME FOR INTERGENERATIONAL TRAUMA #caps cw #acey watches! #Big Shot

[lurkingshan]

Hii, hope you're doing well!! I've been meaning to check out more c-dramas. I've never really watched any, but I keep seeing them on my dash and want to start giving some a shot since I watch every other type of drama (BL or otherwise lol). I saw you post often about c-dramas, so I wanted to ask if you had any other recs besides Tender Light (which I'm planning on watching when it's done)? I'm more curious about c-dramas in general rather than any specific genre, since I'm so new to them

Hello, thank you for the ask! I'm glad my obsessive Tender Light posting has got you curious about cdramas. Some of my all time favorite dramas are from Mainland China, and I would be happy to share some recs! Since you are looking for a general sense, I am just going to give you a sampling of some of my personal favs.

Tender Light

Obviously I will be taking this opportunity to talk up this drama some more, which will be ending its run this weekend. This is, hands down, my favorite drama of the year and easily going on my top 10 dramas of all time list. It's one of the most gorgeous and precise and unflinching pieces of media I have ever seen. This is definitely one for people who love smart mystery writing, dark themes (I mean this for real, if you have a lot of triggers ask for CWs), and explorations of the human condition. It will be staying with me for a long time.

Go Ahead

Another of my all time favs (and with cast crossover from Tender Light), this is a family drama that digs deep on the meaning of family, finding your people, and resilience through intergenerational trauma. I love it so so much (I am actually rewatching it right now).

Lighter & Princess

A fantastic romance and owner of a coveted spot on the ride or die drama couples list. In this story you get to watch these two fall in love twice, first in college and then as adults, and both times it's epic.

Reset

How about a time loop thriller? This is one of the best I have ever seen, and its relatively short run keeps it tight and tense all the way through. There's a romance in this one, too, but kissing is definitely secondary to finding their way out of this death trap.

The Rebel Princess

Let's dip our toe into historicals! Granted, I still have plenty of gaps in my historical cdrama watch list (there are just so many and they're so long, I am doing my best people!) but this remains my all time favorite to date. It's epic, it's shockingly well written and paced for its length, the characters are excellent and compelling all around, and it has one of my all time favorite male leads and drama couples (another from the ride or die list!). Don't let the episode number intimidate you, it will fly by much faster than you think.

The Untamed

You watch bl so I am assuming you already know about Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji, but just in case I will also include this drama as a much watch. It's likely the best live action danmei we will ever get.

Love Between Fairy and Devil

Have you ever wondered what it would be like if a show put all your favorite fanfic tropes in a blender, cast beautiful people to act them out, and put them in lavish costumes? Well, here is your answer.

Love and Redemption

This one's for us angst with a happy ending girlies. An epic love story with lots of pining and struggle and strife, and it's so worth it.

Falling Into You

Back to the modern era, this is a classic sports drama with a noona romance. Very unassuming but full of charm and very well executed.

Fake It Till You Make It

An unusually mature take on adult romance from a cdrama, this one is about two career focused permasingle love skeptics who meet, realize they actually like each other, and try to figure out what the hell to do with that. I love it a lot.

That should be enough to get you started! There are many many more recs to be had, so once you give some of these a try and figure out what you like, feel free to hit me up for more!

#tender light #go ahead #lighter and princess #reset #the rebel princess #the untamed #love between fairy and devil #love and redemption #falling into you #fake it till you make it #cdrama #shan recommends #shan answers

[bonefall]

hmm. if sparkpelt is no longer related to firestar due to her blood with jessy. maybe everyone expects nightheart to effectively "overcome his bloodline/kittypet roots" like firestar did?

I decided I wasn't going to rework arcs until they're finished so that I don't get attached to anything that might get undone (like Bramblestar rabies), but, I will say that I am MEGA excited to examine how Sparkpelt not being Firekin affects her strained relationship to Nightheart

Because, Sparkpelt's life in the Bonefall Rewrite has been marked with intense admiration of Firestar's legacy. Bramblestar taught her that he saved their bloodline from disgrace. Firestar ended the reign of Tigerstar and mentored Bramblestar into the 'honorable leader' of ThunderClan, and that they must always remember to be humble.

A demon used to haunt their bloodline, so to his credit, Bramblestar made sure that Sparkpelt learned her family history.

But it was a very heavy legacy, and Spark often felt like there was a weight on her. The weight was less that of expectation, and more that of intergenerational trauma. Bramblestar is emotionally abusive. Two mates have left him, his clan is very divided on his leadership, and though he does LOVE his son and daughter... they are often mistreated.

(Abuse is a topic very personal to me; I tag this as CW Abuse btw!!)

They have a very bitter, painful love. The type where you desperately want to see your parent get better, but they never do. You want to cut them off and stop playing their games but you can't. The sort where you never know if you're going to see them and have a nice time, or if they're going to say something that pisses you off for an entire month.

Sparkpelt's new mentor, however, is Squirrelflight. She understands Bramble and his tangling thorns better than anyone else in the Clan, and she's there to help Spark through her complicated relationship with him.

I think Bramblestar decided this in a moment of clarity, knowing himself, knowing that Squirrelflight would make a perfect mentor. But most of the time he can't believe he did this, CONVINCED that Squirrelflight is turning his child against him, that he's let her make another rebel in ThunderClan JUST to spite him

Anyway, I was going to get into Hollylark too, but this is already getting long. Just know she's a funny little girl too, and they were childhood friends.

#Cw Abuse #Abuse #Cw emotional abuse #Emotional abuse #Bramblestar #Squirrelflight #Hollylark #Sparkpelt #I am SUPER fond of this little bunch #Bonefall Rewrite #Welcome back to ''projecting onto Warrior Cats'' hour with Bones McFennelposter #No gay has all three; ability to do math good relationship with both parents and a drivers license

[choppedcowboydinosaur]

Everything everywhere all at once review

This is one of the most unique films I have seen in several years.

It has several layers, it has intergenerational drama and trauma, Asian tiger moms, the multiverse, exploring themes of nihilism and existentionalism and just weird wacky visuals. It truly is a great movie and deserves all the awards it can get.

 It does Asian representation extremely well. In fact, it’s much better than Shang Chi in that regard. In Shang Chi the family dynamic is hinted at but never fully explored. Here you see the whole family dynamic explored with how the grandpa is an asshole towards his daughter; Evelyn, how Evelyn is frustrated in life and she takes that out on her husband and daughter. You also see how the husband and daughter react to it. The daughter is a lesbian and Evelyn isn’t really comfortable with it. Her husband, Waymond is considering a divorce because of the way she treats him. All these characters have to work their own problems out but it all feels genuine and sincere. They all feel very real and feel like real people. Even the IRS agent played by Jamie Lee Curtis feels like an actual person. You can easily make her into some government stooge that enjoys making people miserable and at first she seems like that. But as the film continues you learn more about her as a person and realize she’s just a person and is capable of empathy and not just a caricature. The characterization is very well done and the actors are very good at playing multiple versions of themselves. I mean this in the utmost respect since when you get actors playing another version of their character like in the CW superhero shows it always feels cartoony. Here it feels real despite how bizarre and wacky these alternate versions can be.

It explores nihilism, despair and the meaning in life. In the first act of the film you have Evelyn being Shanghaied to fight against this multiversal threat called Jobu Tupaki only to learn how meaningless everything is. Jobu Tupaki is Evelyn’s daughter from another universe where she discovered the mutliverse but in true Asian Tiger Mom fashion pushed her daughter too hard to the point she snaps and becomes this nihilistic multiversal threat. At first Evelyn is depressed because of this but eventually she starts to enjoy it since if there is no meaning to anything then she can make her own and do whatever she wants. This is in contrast to Jobu Tupaki who becomes depressed by learning everything has no meaning and in true anime villain fashion wants to end it all with the Everything Bagel she created. Evelyn is able to pull her daughter back with empathy and realizes even with how insignificant her life may seem she can still make meaning of it by doing laundry and taxes with her husband.

It has great comedy and fight sequences. One of the best sequences in the film that does this well is the butt plug fight. It is so creative, funny and intense it stands out as one of the best fight scenes in the movie. Which is saying a lot since the movie has many great fight sequences like the “Fight with empathy” sequence. I’m genuinely funny surprised they got away with doing the butt plug fight scene. The fights are so good it’s far better than anything in Shang Chi for how creative it is.

The multiverse angle is very well done considering how overused the multiverse as a concept has become in Hollywood. It blows Dr. Strange out of the water with how they use it. Each alternate universe feels unique and they have their own stakes and are not just there to solely be set pieces. One of the best alternate universes in this movie for me was the Racacoony universe. It starts as a joke when Evelyn is trying to explain how the alternate universe versions of themselves take over their bodies and she compares it to Ratatouille with Remy controlling Linguini. But she winds up mispronouncing it as Racacoony which her daughter corrects her on. Eventually as Evelyn travels the multiverse she winds up in an alternate universe where Racacoony is real. In that universe Racacoony works with his human friend in this Benny Hana style restaraunt. That universe’s version of Evelyn gets jealous and exposes Racacoony and he gets taken away by animal control. She feels guilty and helps the human get Racacoony back during the Fight with empathy fight sequence. It’s incredible how one joke gets turned into it’s own alternate universe with it’s own story. That and the Racacoony puppet is funny. 

Overall, this is a great film that deserves all the awards it can get. The movie is well written and so well thought out. It has all these crazy elements yet it never loses itself amongst the visuals. This is probably the best movie of 2022. This movie is a classic that will be beloved for years to come.

#everything everywhere all at once #movie review #great movie #nihilism #existentialism

[starplusfourletters]

Random takes on ahsoka ep 5

Okay actually spoilers this time

Thesis statement: Ep5 was absolutely ridiculous and I loved every second of it

For those wondering what it would look like if the peak of Zirakzigil and King’s Cross smashed into each other at a thousand miles an hour…

YASSSSS THIS IS THE ANGST CONTENT I SPECIFICALLY REQUESTED. I’m not even gonna think about it for a minute just gonna sit here and wallow

Ohhhh he’s got the early season CW armor on he’s just a little guy <3

[Referring to the Teensoka section] Man I was emotionally prepared to hate whatever this was gonna be but I really liked it. Like, multiple different character beats that all hit really well. Nice job guys.

When you’re 45 and just learning what intergenerational trauma is. Better late than never

Why is S7 Teensoka so short. I just think Ahsoka from ~S7 onward should be freakishly tall and yes I know Rosario Dawson isn’t super tall but let me have this

I guess there’s an argument to be made that all Ahsoka character beats get executed multiple times (lookin’ at you, Vader reveal) but guys. Guyyyyyyyys. How many times can she go swimming and then return as Gandalf the Orange because I’m counting three now (I feel like world between worlds and rebels finale are separate level-ups, but if you see them as one beat I’d throw Mortis into the mix). Admittedly part of that might be that I’ve been taking post-Rebels S2 Sith Temple Baptism as canon and I guess not everyone watching this show became completely feral in May 2016

This is totally unrelated but omigod those were Topps cards? The makers of Dinosaurs Attack? Universes are colliding for me rn

Huh we’ve never seen how her face and her montrals meet up before. And… I’m not sure I like it. Put the headband back on

Yeah I know we all knew the white robe was coming but Dave. Dave this is a lot. Like she has white gloves now? And white boots?? ([Channels Bojack Horseman] Do you get it? Do you get my joke?)

Also possibly unpopular opinion but I’m just sayin’ white isn’t her color. The combo with her montrals just makes her look washed out.

Alternative hypothesis: the white clothing is the spare outfit she hates but hasn’t gotten around to getting rid of yet and the grays are coming back as soon as they’re out of the drier

Alternative alternative hypothesis: Seatos’ ocean is 0.1% bleach.

Oh sweet baby Space Jesus she can do psychometry now. She hit level 20 at Malachor and just kept taking levels anyway. My blorbo is op and I can’t even be mad

I’m not even gonna touch “surviving without oxygen for several hours without even intentionally meditating”

Suddenly realized we’re more than halfway thru this show and we haven’t seen Thrawn and we still don’t have any substantial information about the Dark Jedi so like… who is the villain? Is it intergenerational trauma? Please tell me it’s intergenerational trauma

Why do space whales have baleen? Oh to filter feed on midichlorians. Never mind I retract my question

Aaaand Filoni just hit “Jonah” on his Biblical Hero Dartboard

So you wasted billions of dollars on this technology when you could have just asked a whale nicely? How embarrassing.

Come to think of it tho why didn’t Ezra just take a whale BACK? Then again if I start thinking too much about this it’s just gonna devolve into “How Rebels Should Have Ended”

#ahsoka tano #ahsoka show #ahsoka spoilers #long post #gonna need to rewatch that soon tm #it was A Lot

[punkeropercyjackson]

People be out there not getting along with their siblings and having friends that call them stupid and annoying and act like it's a flex lmao

#could not be me💕my siblings are my perfect angels i'd do anything for and they see me as their super weird but loving eldest brothersister #and my friends tell me how cool and smart and funny and pretty i am all the time and get pissed when someone is mean to me #i did hang out with people like that as a kid but they weren't actually my friends and my new ones taught me i deserve better and self-love #and i DO know people with relathionships with like the first with their siblings but it's because they vent to about how traumatizing it is #so do with that what you will #siblings tag #eldest daughter syndrome #amigitos #loving my friends on main #actuallyautistic #catkin #dragonkin #ghostkin #actuallymentallyill #toxic relathionships #familial abuse cw #child abuse cw #black femme #intergenerational trauma #💌 #summercore #summerposting

[matzobs]

[cw: I am a parent processing my emotions about my kid behaving inconsiderately and this post touches on intergenerational trauma, religious trauma, & transphobia, so that I don't direct it at my kid.]

My kid was inconsiderate at the Purim Spiel last night and I, being new at parenting, didn't realize making him sit in the lobby or the car while the rest of us had fun was an option, so I decided we should come home early.

We got home and his mom showed me that he wasn't sad, he was acting badly, and this morning I'm accepting that I got manipulated. He's 12, that'll happen.

My brain thinks that being manipulated is a problem, so it's trying to solve it. Here are some terrible ideas it's come up with:

* Control every minute of his life until he can "show me he is a considerate person" or some other nebulous achievement or I get tired of doing that

* He's grounded! Remove all opportunities for him to do the things that help him regulate himself, and just really make sure he knows for like six months that he was bad in every minute of every day.

* Spend this time before school really digging into how bad he made me feel. Make sure he really feels how shitty I feel, even though he can't comprehend it, and then tell him his mother is going to talk to him about it after school, and kick him out of the car.

* Just really be physically withholding for as long as I feel bad. No hugs. No I love yous. Just cold. So he knows I think he's an asshole in his bones.

*Don't ever take him to anything at the Temple ever again. Cancel his Bar Mitzvah. Tell him he doesn't appreciate the opportunity so he doesn't get to be Jewish.

* I could maliciously make him late for school today. I could just make him do all his chores and then drive him to school in my own time.

* I could make an "infographic" (like we have for his routines) listing the things he should be embarassed about.

Just out here rawdogging BPD and raising a child. I will not be doing any of that, thanks brain, you're so good at coming up with revenge plots and we should like write some fiction or channel it into art. None of those options are going to achieve the desired results, and all of them are pretty destructive, so let's just not.

I did wake him up a little early this morning to eat breakfast. It feels like I'm getting my little revenge because he doesn't get to lay in bed until the second alarm, but he does need to eat some breakfast because his tantrum last night was about how he didn't like dinner and he didn't end up eating it, so that's actually good parenting and I'm fine with that decision.

Baruch Hashem Adonei Eloheinu Malech Ha'olam thank you for giving me anger so that I could use it's fire change the world for the better and the ability to manage the emotion and direct it appropriately, and not at my child. And if you could possibly help my kid be like Ephraim and/or Rebekah that would be tops.

And his mom is going to talk to him about it after school, so all I have to do is manage the trauma response rising within me until I drop him off at school.

That's something parents never seem to talk about. I suppose my dad sort of was talking about it when he shouted "at least I don't hit you" at me while his hand was in the air. I don't think that's a constructive jumping off point for a conversation for a child tho. Here are some sources of pain that are informing this moment:

*I do not have good parenting models and this is a lot of work, and I am trying to get a promotion at work and finish a painting and otherwise live an adult life, and this is bullshit.

* When he behaves badly, the way he behaves badly is the way cis het adult men behave badly on dates. This is because cis het adult men never have to do better than a 12 year old, and then they went on to model this behavior to him.

*He's up now and he's love bombing me. Which I fucking loathe. It makes my skin crawl so bad. I know I have to teach him that this doesn't work, when you harm someone, you make amends, you don't love bomb, but I barely know the difference myself.

* As his father, it's my job to model different behavior, but I'm a butch lesbian and not a cis het man so maybe he won't see me as the role model he needs and he'll continue to follow the example of the cis het dudes.

* This is my first Temple, and it was my first Purim Spiel and I wanted to see it and shout at Haman and cheer on Esther, and I didn't get to, and there's 40 years of religious trauma behind this bullet point.

* Parenting in community is challenging in ways I don't yet fully understand and can't yet anticipate and I can feel the other parents being embarassed about things and I don't know if I'm supposed to be embarassed (I refuse to be? but maybe I am?). Before this guy moved in with me, I was cautiouly participating in the t4t kink mutual aid community, and the mores about judging one another and ourselves are just different.

* There's an absolute MILF who was flirting with me and we were going to sit next to each other and I didn't get to do that.

Ok.

All I have to do is get him to school untraumatized. There's less than 10 minutes before we leave. I can do this. I can do this.

it's already time to goooo! hooray I'm doing it!

#i can do this #parenting #trauma processing #personal #l'dor v'dor #intergenerational trauma #transphobia #religious trauma

[eddiebodywantssome]

ravi week day 1 - family

find it in my heart (to forgive)

cw: discussion of death, intergenerational trauma, cancer, funerals

Ravi’s been ignoring his phone all morning.

He knows who’s been calling. He knows why they’re calling. He doesn’t want to think about it.

He had slept fitfully the night before, unsure of what to feel. He considered calling his therapist around 3am for an emergency session but settled for texting her instead. He can only be so inconsiderate in a day, he decided.

Somehow, he’s managed to get all the way into the station without checking his phone. It buzzes in his pocket, and he makes the calculated decision to check it.

The caller ID reads Amma.

He knows he should answer. Instead, Ravi switches his phone off.

read the rest on ao3

#911fic #raviweek2022 #mayswords #ravi panikkar #anirudh pisharody #happy ravi week babes #*raviweek

[corvid-shmorvid]

It's so fucked to know that there is a generational trauma that is deeply set in your genes, your soul, your blood, your very body that unconsciously every part of your being, yet that intergenerational trauma cannot and will never become a part of your conscious mind. This is a trauma which has been stolen by the very people committed to keeping me from my community -- the very people who have successfully done so for 20 years. It makes so much of my childhood seem that much more poignant. This trauma has affected my body-mind, even though I was/am not aware of it. It gives so much meaning to me to say, "Opre Roma" because this is a history that was stolen from me, that I wasn't supposed to remember, that wasn't supposed to be revealed to me. So, I will remember those two words for the rest of my life. I will whisper them, I will shout them, I will demand them. Because I refuse to let them become obscurity again.

Opre Roma.

#personal #okay to reblog but gadje please dont add anything #opre roma #cw antiziganism #cw intergenerational trauma #cw trauma

[void-star]

You know, I don't really want to be told to mute the world again. I don't want to be advised to put a wall between myself and the world. I don't want to limit what I take in.

I've lived most of my life inside of and behind my own walls.

What I want is for people to encourage and inspire me to meet the sorrow and violence and cruelty of the world and get through the waves to find myself on the other side.

I want to stay sensitive.

#i spent today outside on my balcony in the nice weathee #staring at the spot where the second person in my neighborhood was murdered by c*ps #body left to grow cold on the tarmac #and thought a lot about death and life and the meaning and meaninglessness of it #thinking about the intense intergenerational fear of state violence #and the lack of control we have over when someone decides to end our lives #cw: trauma #cw: murder mention

[t0rschlusspan1k]

...a windigo’s legendary greed represented attitudes about sharing in many Indigenous cultures. In the wilderness, human survival often depended on communal cooperation and the sharing of food and possessions. Any individual who refused to share local resources, especially in times of great deprivation, was considered a “monster.” According to historian Shawn Smallman, the windigo is still seen as a symbol of greed in modern society, as manifested in capitalism and corporate consumerism.

The creature has also come to serve as a metaphor for the injustices that Indigenous peoples have faced in Canada, including residential schools, the restriction of rights in the Indian Act, the Sixties Scoop and similarly assimilative policies. Armand Ruffo’s film, A Windigo Tale (2010), for example, uses the monster to tell a story about the intergenerational trauma of residential schools. For some Indigenous persons, the windigo represents the forces of colonization.

Steve Pitt for The Canadian Encyclopedia: Windigo

#wendigo #windigo #Algonquin people #Shawn Smallman #Canada #residential schools #Indian Act #Sixties Scoop #A Windigo Tale #intergenerational trauma #colonization #cw: residential schools #quotes #articles #The Canadian Encyclopedia #Steve Pitt