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poisonbat · 5 months

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"The Giggle" thoughts

The post I promised, if you guys still wanna read it.

it's VERY long because I talk a lot, and gets into personal details and feelings, not all sunny ones.

I need to preface this with my status on discord currently.

Never 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 assume I'll agree with popular opinion. You'll only ever be wrong that way.

I am a strange individual with non-standard feelings, I kind of hate it because it makes me feel like a misfit in every community I come across. HOWEVER! My feelings I share are 100% my genuine ones and mine alone, and that's what's important.

Now.

I actually think this is a really good sequel to Legend of the Sea Devils, Remember the discussion yaz and the Doctor have on the beach?

The last 15 minutes of the giggle is really like a whole talk about that, between The Doctor and himself. The feeling that the doctor can never ever settle down and like process their trauma and like get back to a state of normalcy that they had before they started taking worse and worse hits to their lives. That they've never decided to stop and try to help themselves before they got so unstable and didn't know how to cope.

And in that context its also a good sequel to World Enough and Time/The Doctor Falls/Twice Upon A Time, where the Doctor is so tired of this pattern of their life that they *refuse* to regenerate and act like someone dead set on commitfing suicide while their friends around them try to convince them not to.

(this is only his SECOND time he's died since the tenth doctor's whole "new man saunter's off" speech. in that time he's horribly lost more close friends, new family, a new lover. His oldest friend was seemingly mending herself and wanting to improve herself so they could be best friends again, and he had that cruelly ripped away from him by her past self and a momentary relapse. He doesn't even know that she stood by him in the end, in defiance of her younger self and she died for it.)

The twelfth doctor, in his wanting to die ae himself is already just wanting a reprieve and stop to what his life is. In the moment, he considers staying wherever the TARDIS has taken him until his body finally fully shuts down without regenerating. He wants it to end.

Glass/Memories Bill and Nardole bring up to the Doctor that he shouldn't end his life here, especially because, The Doctor is a net positive for the universe as was discussed earlier in the episode and understood by Bill from a talk with The First Doctor. To which, The Doctor replies, asking for the first time if he's ever allowed to take a break from what his life has become.

Bill and Nardole tell him that it is okay to rest, to take a break from what his life is. They just don't want him to die permanently, because they love him, he's their best friend, you know? He made a hugely positive impact on their lives and the universe, and they're trying to be there for him too, trying to give him permission and encourage him to rest and deal with his pain just so long as he doesn't end his life here.

Immediately, like lots of suicidals (trust me. i know, ive been here many times.) he immediately retorts how they don't understand the pain he's gonethru for so many years. He may be right in the literal sense, but in the broader sense he's just. exhausted and scared. Like we all can become when we experience constant pain and loss. But then he goes to thank them for being his friends, without giving them a concrete hope that he won't still end his life after all of this.

Of course, she didn't. But she wasn't okay, either. But she succeeded in one of the things she set out to do. She got every one of her companions home safely, without dying or having their lives ruined. A small but important victory after the constant loss of her loved ones before them.

Of course, the show didnt just outright play these scenes like flashbacks to hammer it into the audience. but we know russel's been watching the show, he's seen his friends work. It feels like more pieces to complete a puzzle thats been added to and being completed for the past 18 years.

being fair and honest to the text, What I felt was that it was an honest discussion about all of this. about all the pain and suffering from this and having to process it finally instead of running away from it. he took donna repeating what bill and nardole told him because he's felt guilty about what he did to her for all this time. He never forgot about what happened to her for 3 bodies since it happened. Her telling him the same things broke down his walls further, until they were crumbling. And then, bigenerating, he had HIMSELF telling him he needs to rest for them to get better.

From the way the Fifteenth Doctor is written, it sounds like that he does have memories of a full fourteenth doctor life that the fourteenth doctor hasn't lived yet, that he's benefitted from fourteen's retirement and that some day fourteen died and his updates consciousness came into the bigeneration into his current fifteenth body.

"we're time lords. we're doing rehab out of order"

it may just be my analysis of what's been put in front of me, but that's how I interpret it, and as far as that goes…I enjoyed it.

Very personal feelings ahead.

Every night i go to bed I'm scared I'm going to die and not wake up. The time I'm awake, it's not worth being angry over the non concrete stuff that I really feel is more projected fear than the actual reality. That stems from the lack of approaching things in good faith.

Doctor Who has been an emotional rock for me for this past decade, I got into it during the worst relationship I ever had and when that ended it was all i still had left and clung to. I was in a very very bad place during Series 10, I wanted to kill myself and have my life end strongly and intensely for the first time in years because I was so exhausted from losing all my close friends and people I trusted from how badly that relationship went. but... World Enough and Time/The Doctor Falls/Twice Upon a Time helped me process and release my emotions, and stopped me from going thru with it. Every time after TUAT aired that I felt I wanted to kill myself and give up, I would go back to the twelfth doctor's regeneration speech, and go through it and convince myself to not give up there. I had a rocky time in 2018 because the steven moffat hate brigade was here and the actual show I felt really neutral on with series 11 upon first watch, and I lost the titan comics that I really loved and that changed my opinion on the tenth doctor and gave me one of the best eleventh doctor companions. so yeah, 2018-2019 because of those things were a little down as i wasn't as happy, but I was still here.

Then came 2020 and series 12: the entire season aired before the worst tragedy I've experienced in my life so far happened, and I also legitimately enjoyed every single episode a lot more than the previous series. But then that tragedy did happen. I lost my best friend, my best friend who trusted me so much that I was the second person after her fiancé that was told about her cancer diagnosis. I didn't feel I deserved that. She died within a month or two of her diagnosis. It was so fast, it blindsighted me. When she told me I asked her just to promise me she would call me for my birthday in case it fit bad because I wanted to hear her voice again, that year if I could. We assumed at least that she would at least that far along, because my birthday was only 3 months away. It seemed so simple and sure. She died a few weeks before my birthday that year. She didnt get to fufill her promise. It broke me. I wanted to die of course but...I knew I couldnt. I would be suicidal all the time and she always convinced me out of it. I hated myself so much and was so bad and intense about it and...she was kind to me. She refused to give up on me when I wanted her to give up on me to spare her pain when I was feeling bad.

so when she died i KNEW i had to live to make sure her faith in me wasn't in vain. I have gotten so much more mentally stable working on myself since then, but not a day goes by that I don't miss her. I never got to get her into Doctor Who but I would've wanted to.

Flux was my favorite season since the twelfth doctor years. I finally really emotionally connected with the thirteenth doctor era. I was really happy.

That year I met my current girlfriend whose been my best girlfriend I've ever had and whose given me everything I've ever wanted to be loved for. I got her into Doctor Who too.

But she lives in an abusive situation with her mom and her health keeps getting worse sometimes, getting more disabled with time while her fashy mother abuses her more. I feel useless sometimes during it because we live in two countries far away, even though we're planning our future together some days it feels like such a struggle to feel like we'll achieve our dreams together.

All of this has been going on while we've had to deal with the impending return of my least favorite doctor who writer, who barely is at 60% for episodes I enjoy, while his fans start to wake back up and start making it unbearable to be here because they spread misinformation and say horrible things about my favorite parts of the show, the ones that have helped me through my worst times. And recently they've started a vocal hate campaign against my first doctor, with more misinformation.

All of this along with fears for my life based on my physical health and fear based on real life politics has made it difficult to enjoy my rock, Doctor Who, for most of this year.

And yet somehow, the writer I didn't like at all has managed to give me 3 episodes I enjoy a lot more than anything he ever did 15 years ago when his sensibilities turned me off of getting into the show.

I haven't suddenly changed to liking RTD as a creator. I don't like series 1-4 more now. I don't suddenly like Damaged Goods. I just legitimately feel that these 3 episodes I enjoy a lot more than any of those previous stories, and as well, I don't feel like they perpetuated what the misaimed RTD1 era fandom wants, because I felt that it firmly felt that my favorite parts of the show happened and had a huge impact on all of this and how it went down. I'm more optimistic for the future of the show, even if the fandom will still be a hellhole to be in foe a while, i think eventually a lot of the loud awful people will leave because they're not likely to get what they want; and like the worst impulsives of fans are going to happen regardless of what actually happens in the text

other moffat era fans somehow took away from the episode that it ignored the moffat era, when it really didnt ignore it, to the point that steven himself got on his throwaway twitter account to disagree with it. The guy hates twitter and only remade his throwaway for the lockdown tweetalongs, so clearly it bothered him a lot to go out of his way to do this. I think if even your favorite writer says his work wasn't ignored by his friend, maybe you should try looking at it from a more neutral perspective.

I don't know, I just felt like the specials' themes and ideas were a good story that felt cathartic to get thru with my history, especially when this year I've developed an autoimmune disease that heavily restricts my diet and I've had to become a part time cane user. at 28!!!!

just with the very uncertain future, the fact I'm going to be older than my best friend ever got to be, there's just no energy that I have that I can spare to hate this when I think a lot of the feelings are either, premature or in the minds of people and less reality.

there are still people who are going to be racist and criticisms to be had but I don't think there's fundamentally this huge broken thing about the fourteenth doctor specials

anyway. this has been long, but this is all my feelings about the episode, i have a bit more talk but I'll save that for another post because this is long enough, plus its just lore stuff.

#fezzy talking #doctor who

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the-winter-spider · 3 years

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Element: Part 2

Characters: Bucky x Reader

Warnings: Hints around possible suicide attempt, angst

A/N: Got this out a lot faster than i thought, once again i didnt read thru it lol so please excuse if there is any errors!

Word count: 2.1k

Part one

****

Bucky reached into the water pulling you out with his right arm, he let a gasp out when the temperature of the water touched his skin it was ice cold sending goosebumps all throughout his body. You were fully clothed, limp, cold to the touch, skin pale, lips blue. Not like he was used to, this wasn't the you he grew to love. You were radiant, your eyes were the most beautiful colour they reminded him of the night sky the way they shined like the stars, your lips were plump and filled with colour, looking at them now he almost couldn’t remember if they were more red or pink, he could feel his palms getting clammy, panic was running through him, when was the last time he saw the sparkle in your eyes? You were his sun, you were warmth, in this moment he felt regret he never got to kiss your lips.

He set you gently down on the tiled floor, you laid there lifeless, Steve was already kneeling down getting ready to start chest compressions, anything to bring you back, to Bucky, to him, to the team.

“No no no” Bucky mumbled.

“Vitals?” Tony frantically asked the AI

“No heartbeat detected”

Bucky didn’t know but tears were streaming down his face, so much regret was running through his veins, he didn't try hard enough and he knew that now but he didn't want to push you, he hated when Steve or Sam tried to push him. He wanted to hold you more and not like this, he wanted to feel life in your body, not this, all Bucky had ever known was death after being used by HYDRA for all those years and when they were finally out his head, everyone he knew before HYDRA were dead, except Steve of course but you brought life back into the super soldier something he was almost positive would never happened and Bucky was barely ever wrong but with you it felt so right.

The water surrounding them slowly started to evaporate, they realized it wasn’t coming from the tap in the tub, you made all the water and the fact it was disappearing, panic set in. “Where's medical?!” Tony frantically shouted.

“They are on there way” FRIDAY announced

Bucky couldn’t wait; he waited his whole life and it was a long one to finally be free and find someone like you, it felt like hours had passed since he busted down your door but he knew it had only been seconds, if not minutes. He scooped you up off the floor holding you in his arms as tightly as he could, he felt like they were wasting time sitting here doing what felt like the bare minimum when he knew the kind of medicine Tony had, he was a Stark after all and from being in the war he knew every second counted, he had a small hope that if he started running towards the medic wing your chances would be better rather than waiting around. He couldn’t take his eyes off of you fearing that this would be one of the last times he saw you and he wasn't prepared for that. You were so limp in his arms, water no longer dripping off of you. As he passed the rest of the team, all he could hear was gasps. He met the medical team half way, setting you on the stretcher before they ran off with you to med bay, Tony and Bruce trailing close behind them.

Bucky was frozen in place, he couldn’t feel anything, he felt like he was in a dream, a bad one, not like the nightmares he was used to this felt much worse, he kept hoping that he would wake up and leave his room to find you in the kitchen eating your morning cereal with Steve and you would give him the most beautiful smile he’s ever seen in all his years, the way he felt your eyes light up and the sun got a little brighter when you were near him, you thought he didn’t notice but Bucky noticed everything with you, or he thought he did. He doesn't even know when he stopped noticing things with you, or when you started to ignore the team, especially him. Part of him didn't even want to think about how long ago it started happening, how long you were truly alone.

Steve placed his hand on his best friends shoulder giving in a gentle squeeze “they’re gonna do everything in their power to get her back Buck”

—

Bucky couldn’t stop but replaying the last couple weeks or was it months? In his mind, did you do this on purpose? Was it an accident? Why did you do it? He remembers the first time he decided not to ask you to come with them. Sam, Steve, Natasha and him were going to try out this new chinese restaurant as they were coming up to your door, he was hoping for a miracle and you would open the door already ready to come with them and it would sort of be like a date but not really but he would pretend it was, but it didn't happen and he wasn’t sure how much more his heart could take of being shot down all the time so he decided he wasn't going to ask you tonight, when they finally reached your door, Steve stopped “Buck, aren't you going to ask y/n if she wants to come?”

Bucky's eyes went to your door, he doesn't remember the last time he was in your room, laying in your bed with you talking about anything and everything. He felt a pain in his chest and he mumbled out “No point” shrugging his shoulders leaving the 3 of his friends behind him making his way to the elevator. He heard them laughing, probably at him he felt pathetic he was a super soldier for christ sake but he couldn’t muster up all the strength in the world to ask you on a real date just him and you, or to admit his ever growing feelings for you, so he did what he knew best, kept quiet and to himself, he just wish he knew then he was hurting you in the process too, not just himself.

—

Everyone was patiently waiting in the common room just outside med bay. Bucky couldn't take his attention away from the plum tree just outside the window, when you grew it for him he swore his heart skipped a beat, that was one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for him, he still remembers that day like it only just happened. He had just left the gym and was heading back to his room when he saw you laying down in front of his door reading whatever book you were reading, you must have been deep into the book because you didn't notice him standing directly above you, he whispered “Good book?” making you jump and drop the book on your face, he couldn’t help but chuckle, he threw his towel over his shoulder offering you a hand up.

“It was a good book till i lost my place” You huffed

“Sorry doll” he smiled, something he only ever did around you, the real kind of smile, the kind that made his cheeks hurts not the fake kind he did around everyone else, he watched you dust yourself off and run your fingers through your hair, fixing yourself up, he didn't understand why you already looked perfect “So what do i owe the pleasure of having a beautiful girl like you waiting on a guy like me?”

Giggling “Well i have something for you, a gift” you blushed, he watched you rock back and forth on your feet, he was getting that feeling in his stomach again he wasn't sure what it was but it was warm, something he didn't think he deserved to feel again let it actually happening but here it was, with you.

He quickly showered and changed, when he stepped out of the bathroom you hadn’t moved you were still sitting on the edge of his bed, flipping through your book, trying to figure out where you left off, when you felt his presence you looked up, your eyes meeting his “You ready to go Buck?”

He nodded making his way to the door “after you doll”

It was silent when the two of you were making your way wherever you were leading him, he didn't ask any questions he would follow you anywhere, anytime no questions asked. You made your way outside to a tree he doesnt think he seen before, because it was the only tree there, he watched you start moving your hands with elegance, he was and always has been in complete awe of your abilities, with a doubt in his mind you were the most amazing person to have ever come from HYDRA. He had no idea what the gift was but he knew he would love it, whatever it was because it was from you, but when Bucky saw something start growing on the tree his eyes went wide “How did you know?”

“I overheard you talking to Steve about them the other day, how you missed them and the ones from the store didn't taste the same” You spoke softly, folding your hands behind your back looking down shyly. Bucky made his way to the plum tree picking one before he made his way over to you, he used his right arm to put a strand of hair behind your ear, his fingertips lightly touching your cheek while doing so it sent shivers down your spine and butterflies in your stomach, you lifted your gaze to meet his. He took your hand in his, giving it a light squeeze “this is my favourite gift”.

“The tree or that one plum?” you giggled, pointing at the perfect plum in his hand.

He took a moment before responding to you, really taking everything in, the view, his feelings because he was feeling a lot of them, some new some old, the emotions he could see in your eyes, how perfect you truly were but also how right it felt having your hand in his, his tongue ran over his lips “You” he breathed out, you kept your gaze on him for a few more seconds before you felt heat rising to your cheeks, looking back down, his thumb rubbing circles on your hand, he wasn't sure if you felt what he was feeling but when a single butterfly landed on the plum in his hand, he knew.

—

Bucky wasn't the best with time, after being in and out of cryo for so long he didn't care to tell time, so he wasn't sure how long he was standing here staring at the window lost in thought till he was finally pulled away from it, he felt Steve come up from behind him, he cleared his throat, placing another hand on his friends shoulder looking out the window to see what Bucky was staring at for the last hour.

“Y’know she grew that for me?”

Steve smiled “I know because you wouldn’t shut up about it” Bucky let out a soft chuckle, turning to face his friend “I messed up Steve”

Steve didn’t say anything he didn’t know what to say and Steve almost always knew what to say but he couldn’t comfort his friend because it was unknown if you were alive or not, he knew you were a fighter but what he saw, you were lifeless, FRIDAY even confirmed there was no heartbeat, he wasn't trying to give his oldest friend false hope, so in the meantime he decided that just being there was enough.

“I don’t understand, she can breathe underwater can't she?” Natasha finally spoke to no one in particular, turning all heads towards her before anyone could respond when the door opened. Tony walked in “She can” all eyes were on him, something he usually loved but it made him feel uneasy today. It was quiet, Tony sat down took off his glasses, he rubbed the bridge of his nose with his fingers before looking Bucky dead in the eye “they found a heart beat, its shallow but its there”

***

TAGS: @majo240820 @vicmc624 @jessyballet @jhiddles03 @mggpleasedontlookhere @smallangryandpink @lilxberry @thisisnotangel @hereforalongtime512 @austynparksandpizza

#bucky barns x y/n #bucky barns x you #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barns x reader #bucky #bucky x female reader #bucky x you #bucky barnes angst

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sakkac · 3 years

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re: fumetsu no anata e as of chapter 139.2

this started as a response to @bestbonnist‘s post on chapter 139.2 but now i’m just dissecting differences and similarities between tonari, mizuha, and kahak like im writing an essay for a uni class. i interchangeably use he/they pronouns for fushi and my writing may be clumsy (bc im not actually writing for uni ❤️).

mizuha is a broken mirror to tonari (and kahak a foil to the two aforementioned) in this modern-day arc, especially in their expressions of love for fushi. tonari’s love for fushi is aged over hundreds of years and mizuha’s, at first glance, is an infatuation just based on how long they’ve known each other. im the biggest kahak stan ever, but even i understand kahak’s love started as an infatuation for parona’s form. though, i’d consider the word infatuation compromised when it comes to defining mizuha’s love, bc u cant be sure if her love for fushi is entirely her own, seeing as it had been passed from generation to generation of guardians.

(chapter 134, read right to left)

tonari and mizuha aren’t that different once you look deeply into the both of them. mizuha’s personality and actions are factors in tonari’s dislike of her, but what ultimately repels tonari from mizuha is that she knows they’re similar, and that manifests most clearly in how she reacts to fushi being with mizuha. i.e. resenting fushi for using her friends’ vessels to help their “love life” in chapter 135.5. she can’t stand mizuha bc mizuha is able to express her love for fushi and fushi does not reject (or accept) it; tonari still hasn’t fully admitted to herself that she likes fushi romantically (perhaps because she can’t separate it from the devotion that led her to harden her body to poisons and to promise her corpse to rest at fushi’s feet), so seeing mizuha appear to progress further than she has irritates her. as for kahak, tonari only has the biases of the other pseudo-immortals and her own of past hayase reincarnations to rely on. (this is not as plot-related, but these two also both like books. kahak read tonari’s fushi book, so i wish they actually met, but in a world where tonari didnt hate hayase beyond death.)

tonari as a child seemed like she thought herself superior to others, perhaps a natural result of her upbringing. she was raised on a prison island, but she herself never committed any crime; banding together w other kids like her, writing about her life in her book (which keeps her separate from or above others in a way). but this thinking ceases at her relationship w fushi. however, i believe this started before they even met. tonari’s childhood dream at seven years old was to write a book her father would be impressed by. she also used to believe in god, while her family was still whole. she even prayed to god when he decided to participate in the tournament in chapter 35. however, she stops referring to god by the time her father had shown tarnish. coincidentally, she meets fushi, who would “upend everything... jeannanda and [her] fate.” she ends up, instead of writing for her father, writing a book to allow a peaceful existence for fushi for whenever they decided to come back. this act shows that the adult tonari has written fushi to a level above her, out of her reach.

(chapter 35)

here i’ll quote ray’s words about kahak and tonari: “she also has a surprising amount in common with Kahaku, too, with the ‘I want to protect you even if you disagree.’” the way tonari had waited and honed her body for fushi resembles kahak’s attachment; she had finished living for herself, so now she was only allowing herself to live to further create an ideal vessel for fushi (which also brings up one of hayase’s goals). the difference is that kahak lived for fushi because, as raikkousaki said, fushi was the only thing he was “ALLOWED to live for.” however, while tonari is unquestionably devoted to fushi now, what pulled her to him was black hood’s coercion. as a result of black hood’s words to her, she manipulated fushi into helping her solve her problems, to save her from the island. this first “meeting” also revealed that she was attracted to their white hair; she later admits that she admires their fair skin, contributing to the idea that she could view fushi as the equivalent of a god or at the least, a vision of purity (which is :/ imo, bc of her dark skin). we should also keep in mind that, this, technically her first impression of fushi, and his later display of violent immortality in the arena would further his image as a “legend.”

mizuha was exposed to fushi’s immortality and reveres him like tonari and kahak respectively do and did. instead of the specific word “legend,” it’s “immortal monster.” her first formal exposure to fushi’s fabled power was not unlike tonari’s, since mizuha had went into her grandfather’s library and read on fushi in chapter 124.1. after this, she manipulates fushi to save her, again paralleling the beginning of tonari’s relationship with fushi, but it’s from her overbearing mother and herself. both tonari and mizuha forced their problems onto fushi, but mizuha doesn’t have black hood stepping in front of her saying “you must lead him.” instead, she may have been influenced by the left hand, but i believe mizuha’s thoughts are majorly her own (left hand lies in wait within mizuha’s consciousness like a predator), and what they appear to say is that she’s leading fushi until he decides to follow her willingly. as for kahak, we only have a few pages on his childhood and what we can make of it and of his actions as an adult is that he was willing to follow fushi wherever they went, until left hand betrayed them both.

mizuha’s superiority complex comes from a different place than young tonari’s; she was a prestigious child from young, in addition to her fear of her uniqueness fading as she aged. this caused her to feel separate from other children. when she meets fushi, she sees how different he is from everyone else and uses subtle ways to keep him with her, while never directly admitting she wants him to stay with her, except for ch 125′s “i’m scared. stay with me tonight,” after her mother’s sudden murder. she usually uses excuses instead, like cutely demanding fushi to walk with her after school and go on dates with her.

(chapter 36 vs. chapter 128.2)

as fushi was introduced to the people around tonari and mizuha, they received similar reactions, i.e. “your hair is so pretty!” and “woah, his hair is white!” in the pages following these, the similarities continue into tonari and mizuha gaining ownership over fushi: in ch 36 oopa declares “tonari found him. so he belongs to tonari,” while the islanders try to get on fushi’s good side, and in ch 128 fushi goes out of their way to ask which club mizuha belongs to when asked to join a club (vocalizing her claim on them so she doesn’t have to directly do so).

(chapters 38, 106, and 139)

when the opening comes for mizuha to actually admit her feelings in chapter 139, she tries, but demands instead, “so... love me.” this recalls kahak’s confession to kai in 105.3, that he wants to “protect fushi’s humanity.” kahak and mizuha were both covered in blood when they spoke, but the atmospheres and characters are different; mizuha is clever w her words, but still too immature to let go of her pride, whereas kahak was the exact opposite. he rid of himself of his pride for fushi when he was a child, but said a lot of the wrong things to fushi when it came down to it. additionally, mizuha, when she wants something, she’ll phrase her words so that it seems like there’s only one choice: to follow her. this has been the case for others including fushi (chapters 120.2′s testing of hanna with “if i died, would you cry for me?” and 132.1′s “i’ll teach you about love” and the following guilt-trip). tonari is more direct with her words and meaning than either mizuha or kahak, bc of her personality. she directly confronts fushi when she realizes he had felt betrayed by her in chapter 38, because she still needed him for his plans. but mizuha is more direct with her actions; in chapter 129.1, she latches herself onto fushi, while trying to get information out of him. after the failed marriage proposal, rather than physically attaching himself to fushi like mizuha, kahak used acts of domesticity and protection to subtly appeal to and maintain his space next to them.

(chapter 38 vs chapter 139)

tonari’s “there are people in this world who are better off dead” above isn’t far from the knockers’ reasoning behind “wishing for death is paramount to being dead” and the reason for mizuha’s mother’s death: left hand decided to “eliminate the cause of [mizuha’s breaking point’s] stress.” what this shows is that tonari can also justify murder, though granted, this is from a hundred chapters ago. however, this black and white thinking comes back in the modern era where tonari holds prejudice against mizuha because of her relation to hayase. tonari knows her dislike of mizuha is unfair, she can’t get around it. tonari is still as prideful as she was when she lived on jeannanda; it’s just that she is able to use fushi to justify her opinions now. i also want to bring up mizuha’s reaction to her mother’s death and funa’s knocker’s “purging and guidance.” mizuha seems comfortable with the sight of death, despite having a more normal childhood than tonari, because her actual main concern overwhelms it; she is always thinking on how she can appeal to fushi (almost like kahak), or in other words, how to salvage her pride. so instead of being concerned over being the actual murderer, she is concerned with appearing as a murderer to fushi.

so to actually answer ray’s question, objectively, tonari’s love is as excessive as kahak and mizuha’s. but personally, i think tonari’s love for fushi right now is also unhealthy, though it comes out of good will. kahak’s love also ended in fushi’s benefit, but it was undoubtedly unhealthy. and ofc, mizuha’s love is also unhealthy; she reaches for fushi for perfection, tonari reaches for fushi for humility.

#fumetsu no anata e #kahak #fnae spoilers #🔖#long

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papers4me · 3 years

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Fruits Basket, Se3, ep 12 (Part 1)

The aftermath of the curse lifting~ Btw, the timeline is super messy. Flashbacks & background stories aren’t this anime’s best tool, it’s always felt messy when they attempt that. more on it in my side notes below. Now into the ep~

-Yuki & Machi: ( Blossoming Love!):

I love that the author attempted different direction of romantic love with yuki/machi that suits yuki’s personality! Opposite to kyo/tohru who had the (from best friends to lovers/ from roommates of 3 years to lovers). Yuki & machi’s love is based on natural crush & while she isnt his best friend, she’ll be his lover & they’ll know each other after dating. Both types of love are realistic & have their own path of dynamics, which is clear with how yuki/machi will be interacting & how kyo/tohru are now interacting since becoming official. I’m still bummed most of yuki/machi’s “noticing each other” is supposed to be off-screen, it robbed me of seeing yuki interact in a normal teenage-boy crushing on a girl which contrasts his relationship with kakeru, kyo, haru & tohru. Now, we’ll start the “ official-boyfriend yuki” stage! Also, this jump to confessions didnt help machi have any uniqueness beside being saved by yuki’s words from her trauma. watching her interact with him normally would’ve added realistic depth to her being a normal girl with unique cute quirks differently from tohru, Isuzu, kagura or even motoko!. Oh well~ moving on & focusing on the meaningful cute confession. I loved that altho there were a hug & a kiss, it didn’t have “ I love you” statement. You know they (will) love each other so dearly, but they’re in stage 1 now, she just called him by his first name for the first time! cute! I love that the emphasis is on the “ first name” calling since this is a huge key to yuki’s identity & struggle. Also, It is cute she bought a gift to tohru! This is a set-up to a healthy relationship with yuki since she isn’t jealous from a precious woman in his life that isnt related by blood.

-Moving towards the future: Kyoru’s final stage of growth!

By Kyokoy’s grave Kyo & tohru had key moment of growth & healthy closure to their core character issues::

1- Kyo’s toxic habit of running from life became a desire to run towards life!: While this habit is rightfully excused by his trauma, it needed to be addressed once his curse broke. We know he stopped running & faced his dad, confessed to tohru, accepted her love, embraced his crazy desire for her & accepted he deserved to be loved! Even ran towards tohru, chasing her! However, all the above is him running to the good current life in his grasp. He needs to run to the far away future this time! Needs to plan for the good & accept that the bad is part of it. struggling is part of life & he’ll endure it together with her, while enjoying life’s rewards.

I love that kyo is the one who suggested moving out to another city/place, cuz kyo was the one NOT living. He was long dead & trapped in the cage of his guilt & self-loath. Tohru at least was living thro helping others ( which is not real living but at least it’s better). Kyo was “ Mom, why didn’t you kill me instead of yourself?” ,“ I’ll kill yuki & then kill myself, would that please you, dad?!”, “ I cant forgive me, I dont want you to forgive me, tohru”. Walking on a road of self-destruction & slow death. But now, with tohru he wants life!!! all of it!! travel, learn, see, struggle, fail, succeed, build their own future by themselves.

I love that kyo didnt take tohru’s approval for his plans for granted. He really didnt think she’ll accept right away. He didnt even want her to dedice quickly, He was prepared for compromising to a better solution for them both. They’ll work other possibilities “ if i’m gonna live in this world, I want to do it with you”.

I love that kyo was real abt the obstacles ahead & didnt want tohru to just follow him based on love. He wanted her to decide on her own as well. He also, left the door open for her to change her mind anytime & this screams support & understanding!! Very powerful!.

2- Thoru’s toxic habit of being ashamed to desire anything for herself, living for others & wearing a happy “i’m okay” mask while concealing her true feelings became confidence, self-clarity & honesty: The tohru who was smiling while concealing grief on the beach is gone, the tohru who kyo had to coax her to “complain, be selfish” se01,ep5, to “not hide worrying over a relative’s sickness” se02, ep14 “ cry if she needs to” se3, ep6, is now telling kyo her honest opinion abt his proposal, while thinking of her own self as much as him & even objecting to his sentiment abt her mom’s words!!!!

I love that tohru is now a confident free woman making her own decisions based on self-honesty & communication with her partner. She wasn't just “okay” with it cuz he wants it while putting fake smile, No more of that. Now, she’ll say her true feelings, she asked him abt his plans, tried to see if it is a spur of the moment decision or if he really thought abt it. She also inquired where’s heading, who he talked to, what he’s planning! She is deciding for herself after hearing him! ok, this is your plan? I like it. I’m going! Very powerful!.

I love that like how kyo was realistic abt the plan having some difficulties due to starting away by themselves, she was also realistic that it is indeed sad to part with my friends, my hometown, & my mom’s resting-place, but i’ll choose ME now. “I” want to go with you for “me”. This is not a bind I’ll follow you wherever love story, this is realistic depiction of healthy relationship. Acknowledging hardships & accepting them saves you from being crushed by failure, you’ll endure it when it eventually happens & move on, cuz God knows we DO fail & succeed! Life isnt smooth sailing~

I love that tohru complemented him on his plan cuz she could see that is a sign of growth. If she’s gonna share her life with this man, it is delightful to see that he is thinking of a happier, healthier & realistic future! Cuz kyo was this destroyed man~ so destroyed he was pushing her away despite loving her dearly, now, he’s asking her opinion & permission to accompany him!

I love that tohru made sure to touch upon kyo’s last scar “ my mom doesnt hate you” This is a scar that wont go away even if kyo is mentally healthy. Cuz death is the ultimate truth. He can never hear kyoko’s affirming her love for him, he’ll have to trust in it based on their earlier interaction together. Tohru is powerfully & stubbornly taking away most of his pain by affirming her acknowledge of her mom. You might disagree kyo, you might still feel a bit guilty, it might haunt you sometimes. but me? NO. Never. Mom loved you. She meant ONLY good. Hopefully my determination heals you bit by bit, & it DOES. Kyo stands bravely, confidently & happily in front of kyoko’s grave & instead of saying “ i apologize for hurting you, or tohru, I’m sorry, forgive me”. he tells her he’ll keep their promise & protect tohru for life! he literally proposed there in front of her mom & all. T_T

-Kyoko’s Words: ( Sometimes, you don’t get to know the whole truth & that’s okay):

Can’t describe how much I love this part. This is the most painful yet important lesson in furuba. Life isn’t a movie where the entire truth is exposed to the characters or the audience. Sometimes you live & die without getting to know an important truth, hearing a much needed confirmation, or getting a loved one’s forgiveness. There are things in our life that we just can’t get back no matter how much we tried. What we do, then? die? despair? throw away what we DO have in our hands for this lost truth no matter how important it was to us? No, we do the only thing we can. Live. Not just go thro life’s motion, but really live. Accept the good & the bad. This is so goddamn easy & difficult as hell too!

-Kyo not knowing kyoko’s words at that time was tragic. It was so tragic it sent kyo into a suicidal descent into the abyss. The wounds of his mom’s death that were slowly healing with kazuma’s care got re-opened & poured blood! The old destructive habits became full force, The toxic coping habits returned with its ugliness. I can’t kill myself literally? I’ll do it figuratively. trapped, caged, destroyed, eyes shut, ears closed, only seeing his pain. Kyo is us. All of us in any moment of true crushing despair. He could never bring the dead back, hear their loving words or ask forgiveness. Thro kyo, the author is telling us... I know. You had your moment of lost truth, didn’t you? I know. IT IS OKAY. live, my child. your pain is valid, let it take its course, but afterwards live bravely.

-Kyo’s path towards healing is: the ugliest cuz it hurt tohru of all ppl, the longest cuz he was the last one to move on, the bloodiest cuz he’ll never have the ppl he lost, the rockiest cuz he failed & failed, the most frustrating cuz he repeated his mistakes over & over, He couldnt even do it alone. needed intervention & support. He lost hope. completely. But it is okay even if you fell as deep as kyo: stand up. even if you never learned the truth: let go. even if you were the last one to learn or heal: it isn’t a race. Embrace life with its good & bad & continue as kyoko said “ you fought well”

-Kyoko’s parting plea to her daughter broke my heart into pieces. Death is ugly, but death is a truth that we can’t escape. The leaving ones is hurting as much as the ones left behind, but hopefully, the leaving ones will find a happiness a kin to the ones left behind. yuki’s "say a prayer & move one, one step at a time” is all you can do.

-Kyoko was: a gangster who hurt others (ugly path), repented, married & had a daughter (fulfilling path), widowed & left her daughter while grieving (ugly path), came back, repented & tried to raise tohru well, love her enough! (fulfilling path), died & left her young high school daughter all alone (heartbreaking path) but she accepted that the last path isn’t sth she can fight, prayed, & accepted her fate~

-Kyoko~~ “ you fought well” while you were alive~ you really did! The Tohru you left behind helped a whole clan & hopefully readers as well! you tohru is loved by an entire generation of readers & anime watchers. Tohru is so precious & I can’t stop crying~

Side Notes:

Timeline is super messy & confusing. (a) Tohru’s hospital discharge, kyoru’s hug & curse break for everybody all happened at the (late) afternoon. While curse was breaking, akito was wearing her white kimono & she cried until tohru hugged her on sunset. (b) Before tohru’s hospital shigure’s face was scar-less. we first saw the scar in the afternoon & he was wearing his kimono.

Now the flashback, Akito wearing her outfit from her talk with the maid (which also happened while kyo was talking to his dad which is on the same day) & shigure wearing suit & it’s sunset time??????? How can the sunset happen before the curse break on the afternoon? She inflected the scars on the sunset, how did he have them on the afternoon of the same day?? both changed outfits which is even weirder??? Someone help me put things on order. Or is order not important? If the sequence of events isn’t important, then, why did it have to happen on the curse break day??? Shigure could’ve had his scars a day or two before tohru’s discharge.

Also the OP started in the middle of yuki’s scene which was so odd!

No big deal, but I still feel that yuki’s curse break would’ve been thematically powerful last ep. Especially after seeing The Zodiac Ruler come & collect the spirits. The legend would've been wrapped powerfully on the same ep where it was told. We see the zodiacs’ original story & we see its closure. It would’ve made tohru/akito’s hug more symbolic. An end of an era to akito & to them all. Real Goodbye to the zodiac animals, but now we had a goodbye & a half. lol.

Is yuki the only one seeing the cursed spirit? He looked down at it? I dont remember the others looking down where an animal would be? Is yuki’s curse special? different? He got all the ropes/bonds around him? I really thought yuki’s theme is all abt desiring to be normal & despising the “special” treatment that haunted him even in school.

Momiji/ kagura /kyo interaction is cute!

Haru/Yuki/ Isuzu interaction is cute as well. XD

Kagura, girl, you used to have best fashion, what’s up with jeans under knee length dress?! lol.

I’ll be honest. It is a lost opportunity that machi weren't made to question how teen-tohru is yuki’s mom. That would’ve solidified her as a unique stand alone character if she were to discuss it with yuki. Tohru being yuki’s mom figure is not normal, otherwise yuki’s entire dilemma of figuring out his feelings for tohru would’ve become meaningless. Having machi quickly “understand” it is a bit weird. But it helps the plot move quickly, I guess. ( it reminds me of Arisa hugging akito when she confessed stabbing kureno without questioning anything, it is weird, but you get the message that “ we aint got time for that~ gotta hop on the next plot).

I love that furuba subverted the old anime-trope of the entire happy cast staying together in one city/place & living exactly like they did in their teens except being married now! XD. It is so realistic that each character is now moving on their path of life~

Tohru wore a ring in her foreshadowing vision! SHE WORE A RING! My baby girl is a grown woman now~ T_T. I love tohru so much!~

Shigure/ akito & the last banquet is in my review part 2. I’ve been editing out any thoughts abt Shigure from my previous posts. I needed to see the whole picture first. I think can now talk abt them, I’m looking forward to the comments of the next part cuz I really really need to see if I understood it or if i’m off.

#Fruits Basket #Anime Only #crying paper #proud paper!#tohru is just so precious!#final season #Part 1

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ccelinewritess · 4 years

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the distance between us

pairing- draco malfoy x reader

word count- 9.7k

summary- the first time draco uses the muggle post system, it goes so terribly wrong, and a letter falls into the hands of a girl who was never supposed to see it, a muggle at that.

warnings- curse words, ptsd, anxiety/ panic attacks, depression mention of death, murder, blood and burns aswell as insomia, seperation anxiety (?) and my grammar.if these may trigger you, i suggested not reading.

a/n- this took me a while to get out, sry abt that. the reader was set to live in a canadian town called kelowna, british columbia. it takes place in readers grade 11/12 and dracos 6/7 year. i hope it’s not to self inserted, and you guys can enjoy and relate to it. big thank you to @dracodear for the help on this, love you! also thanks to everyone who left owl name suggestions, all were awesome and i ended up going with @winnsmills suggestion ‘noctua’ ! tumblrs been acting weird, so i hope it lets me post the whole thing. letters are in italics. also please note, this is off the movies timeline! i tried to fit in as many details as possible but some didn’t make it.

the town was widespread. wineries and mountains everywhere, the okanagan lake splitting it down the middle, reconnecting the cities halves by a bridge. little snow and tons of rain. jeep wranglers in every colour roaring around into unholy hours of the night, bustling with life yet all to lonely at times. but hey, that’s kelowna for you.

rain was running down the windows of y/ns most boring class, last period biology. she knew she should be paying attention. she had a high gpa to maintain, and couldn’t afford to fail another class besides french. the last five minutes of blabbering ended after what felt like a year.

‘you are dismissed, ill see you all monday, have a good weekend’ and with that everyone rose, heading to the parking lot as fast as possible in an attemp to dodge traffic. despite pouring rain, the air was hot, and on the ride home y/ns mind raced over every single assignment she had to complete over the next two days, while her hands tapped the steering wheel.

‘english essay, math review, history paper, business management graph’ she muttered under her breath. the town was busy, many students often blew off class to go shopping, or hit a movie, or smoke weed, the possibilities were endless. her house was cool compared to outside, and empty. no one was home, not that it was a surprise to the girl, people weren’t usually home, siblings gone to university, and parents working absurd amounts.

something caught her eye on the counter, an envelope, an ordinary seeming one, but absolutely covered in small pictured stamps with ‘england’ underneath each one. eighteen of them, all different. she knew shouldn’t open it, so she didn’t. at first. but it was irresistible. there was a return address written in the smallest writing she’d ever seen. wogshell, no, wiltshire? she took it to her room, and locked the door before ripping it open. she didn’t want the one time she had something intresting going on to be interrupted by whoever might show up.

her mouth fell open at every line of the same scroll. who was snape? why was this draco boy sending him a letter? he didn’t need his help to kill who? what the fuck was an unbreakable vow and why shouldn’t snape sign it? why was his mum going to see snape? who was the dark lord and why did he pick draco for a task? what kind of name is dumbledore?

what she already knew was confirmed- this letter was most definetly not for her. but newly- she opened a letter from a potential murderer or maybe it was a prank, a sick prank if it was one.

so instead she crafted up quite the response, whoever wrote this was either hysterical or in distress, and needed some sort of company- she thought, atleast.

it had been thirteen days, why wasn’t the letter back yet? the owl still couldn’t fly even about the house without damaging itself further. maybe using the muggle post system was a mistake. but better have it land into the hands of a muggle, who would likely throw it out, than a wizard who would know a death eater would soon be wondering around hogwarts.

as if on que, the door bell rang and echoed through the empty manor. on the porch sat an envelope, with only one stamp, his name in the middle and another he didn’t recognize in the corner. shit, this couldn’t be good. his eye caught the stamp. canada? fuck, this was supposed to go to cokeworth not bloody canada. no one was home so he opened it right there in the foyer.

hello, draco.

i am not snape- nor do i know who snape is. i am also very unfimilar with some of the vocabulary you used. dark lord? unbreakable vow? you seem to have quite the situation going on, if i read correctly. im not exactly stupid, but i do know that this letter was most definitely not supposed to be in my possession. i didn’t know who to send it to, id send it back to you, but you probably don’t want a copy of your own letter. i also know you likely have enough on your plate, but if you’d like someone to talk to im only half a world away, have no sort of schedule and am a good listener, well reader in this case. good luck with whatever task you’ve mentioned. p.s. you had about seventeen stamps to many, first time sending a letter? unfortunate fate, huh ? what kind of name is snape and what the heck is a dumbledore? i suppose it’s none of my business, knowing you likely won’t respond, but if you do i wrote my address on the front. have a good day/ night/ whatever time it is wherever you are.

y/n l/n

tears were welling in dracos eyes, he was floored, in a good and bad way. his task was already going downhill. the letter he sent snape had fallen into the hands of a muggle, who did not throw the letter away, but responded. and snape was likely going to bine himself into the task through the unbreakable vow, which draco was more than able to complete. he wouldn’t have been chosen if he wasn’t, right?

not only had she responded, she offered him help, well distant company, to a stranger who obviously had quite a few problems and she clearly had no regard for her own safety. he couldn’t tell her about the wizarding world. not that he could tell her about anything, she could be lying. he had a task to focus on, he couldn’t write her back.

and that was true- at the time. he had no intent of writing the girl back. and yet he found himself reading the 201 words over and over, running his hands across the paper, expecting them to fade away as he wiped. counting and recounting. he surely couldn’t talk to any of the twats at hogwarts, maybe a stranger could help numb the pain. and as long as he didn’t tell anyone- she couldn’t get hurt, she was to far.

draco was packed for hogwarts, the response at the bottom of the trunk, underneath his clothes. he’d just have to get to the damn school, then he could write all he wanted- without his parents knowledge or ridicule. his mind jumbled together what he was going to say while his friends rambled on. the train pulled up to the castle after dreadful hours and he could barely sit still during the opening feast. his thoughts did falter though, when dumbledore gave his speech, he felt guilty- the shame of his family weighing on his shoulders. he looked around, all his classmates staring in adoration at a man who would be dead ten months from now, and they were sitting in the same room as his killer.

the singular room was nice, he knew it wasn’t for lounge, but for plots of death.

before he began he started making promises to himself. if i get behind on the plan ill won’t write, if snape notices anything about it, ill stop. the list went on and on.

he couldn’t put his pen down, the words continued to fly out the end, was he oversharing?

dear y/n

my deepest apologies that my last letter found it’s way to you. im sure you didn’t expect whatever you may have perceived from it. honestly, i don’t know how it arrived all the way over there. im almost positive you have better things to do than listen to my problems, and i know you had no control over the fact it arrived, but i ask you to please not share this information with anyone. i am unsure if i will take up your offer of amity, if you were serious that is. im at school now, so if you’d like to respond, not that you have to- you can send letters back with my owl, it’ll be faster (and i won’t have to worry about stamps- thanks for the tip by the way)

draco malfoy

and with that noctua was off into the night, and he could only hope that it would make it to her.

droll was running down y/ns chin and she was caught in a dream. suddenly a vigorous tapping on the window pulled her into consciousness, the sight of owl knocking her backwards in a scare. a crash sounded, if the tapping didn’t wake anyone up, that surely did. she almost considered just trying to ignore it, until she noticed a letter tied to its neck and reluctantly opened the window. she’d never seen an owl in real life before, but was aware from school that they weren’t exactly the kindest of creatures. this one just perched on the window while she removed the new enevelope, no stamps in sight. just a neatly printed address, and his in the corner.

from the new letter she learned even more- this wasn’t a prank, draco was a real person, was still in school, and whatever the first misplaced letter contained was true. he had some sort of task and didnt want help, but that was all. so with what she could, she wrote another response. it took an hour and she wasn’t exactly sure what she had written by mid morning.

draco

you’d be quite suprised actually, it gets lonely over here. i still haven’t exactly deciphered your original note, so if you would like to help me understand i think i’d be ready. and no worries about me, my lips are sealed. what is an unbreakable vow, im curious? you go to boarding school? and owls, really? what the hell is up with that? im pretty sure it’s illegal to own one here, but we are countries away, so perhaps it’s different all the way over there. send whatever you want. i do not- by the way- have anything better to do in the slightest.

y/n

he continued to write throughout the month of september, which bled into october before he knew it. he was avoiding questions about the task, just wanting someone to talk to. it wasn’t easy, she was curious, which draco couldn’t exactly be mad at her for that since he continued to write her, accepting the distant friendship that was forming.

he was learning a lot about her aswell. besides french, which he informed her he spoke fluently numerous times, she was a very good student. she was single, he didn’t remember how that came up but made a note in his mind- he couldn’t date her, nor did he know enough about her to be properly involved.

she read a lot of books, sappy romances mostly, couldn’t cook anything deemed edible by anyone, and her favourite colour was green, he smirked when reading that for the first time. she didn’t know what she wanted to do with her future, just not a doctor like her parents wanted.

y/n was sitting in english as her teacher reviewed about univeristy application requirements. only next year they would be getting accepted and denied from their dream schools. she’d spent years dreaming of it, university, and yet somehow a boy half way around the was racing through her mind. she felt horrible about it, the small crush. it was incredibly selfish, falling for a boy with so much going on, he certainly didn’t need her as anything more than a friend to talk to, but he was good with his words, and making her feel important too. her dismissal came and so did a classmate, approaching confident and cocky.

‘hey, l/n’ he said, a smirk on his face

‘oh, uh hey, will’

‘what are doing tonight?’ her mind went blank, any excuse, come on, say something

‘i have plans’ wow real specific, great job, y/n

‘like what’

‘fish funeral, real important stuff, my family is just devastated’ her voice was clearly sarcastic and that was all before she walked right out. no she didn’t exactly have plans, but waiting for dracos owl provided much more company than any date could have. the sight of dracos owl flying towards the pre-opened window was somewhat relieving, she didn’t know why, just the fact that he had not failed yet, and was still out there was nice. she hadn’t had this much company. since last year at least, when her supposed best friend started ghosting her because of some petty shit.

thankfully noctua ad gotten quite good at being discreet when delivering the letters. of all the things on y/ns junior year bucket list, explaining to her parents that she had befriended a british boy with an owl who flyed into her room while her neighbours had a clear view, wasn’t one. she also began keeping a bowl of water under her bed for the owl to drink when it arrived, knowing it couldn’t have been easy travelling back and forth.

y/n

im not fully sure you want to know the depth, yet you seem to want me to corrupt you with my villain with a task baggage. i suppose it couldn’t hurt if i told you about the unbreakable vow. it’s like a promise or a bond, but if you break it then you die. if you can stomach that i may be able to tell you more. how far away do you reckon we are?

draco

draco wasn’t falling behind too far, but his first attemp had failed, and panic attacks were taking up most his time. he never had any, at least not this bad until this year. at least once a day he would start sweating, no matter how cold he was, unable to control his breathing or tears, feeling like the walls were caving in upon him.

that is, besides writing y/n as much as he could. apparently she was being honest, she had no schedule of any sort besides going to school. he hated to say, but he was becoming attached, he didn’t exactly know how either, but everytime he recieved a letter a small weight was lifted from his shoulders, even just when he read it.

noctua was doing the weekly, almost daily round at breakfast with the other owls and draco watched with anticipation as a letter dropped on his lap and owl on his shoulder. he tried to conceal the letter into his robes but pansy had taken matters into her own hands. likely jealous that she’d spent collectively around six hours with him the whole year, and he never talked to her like he used to.

‘ou draco whats this’ twirling the envelope between her hands. the letter had no name, no stamp, only a small heart drawing in the corner.

‘hands off parkinson’ he said while taking the letter back. ‘a letter from my mother, if you must know’ he said knowing that neither his mother or father had written him anything, despite having all the time to do so.

he got up and left the second he was done, not wanting to draw snapes suspicion about who could possibly be more important than working on this task.

he rushed to his room, desperate for more of her words. he tried to picture her voice in his head, but had to remind himself she wasn’t british nor was she from southern america.

draco,

so you just die if you break the promise? intresting. it’s not as hard to stomach as you seem to think, very unique tradition i suppose. you are not a villain draco, you haven’t told me much about it but your to good of a person to have picked any of this for yourself. i calculated when we you were home, seven thousand three hundred something, i don’t know where your fancy boarding school where you have owls for pets is, so it may be further. im ready whenever you are.

y/n

her letter was relieving for him aswell, even in the slightest it helped, but she deserved some sort of answer for helping him take his mind off the task for a couple minutes. he could tell if she wasn’t scared off already, this would do it.

y/n

if you are sure, here it is. dumbledore is my headmaster, the dark lord is a very powerful wizard, and snape is my professor. if i don’t kill dumbledore before july, he will kill me and my family, if i can’t complete the task, snape will kill him under terms of an unbreakable vow. im not a very good villain that’s for sure, my first attemp failed, and my classmate is out cold. i understand if you dont want to write to me anymore, just don’t tell anyone about this, please.

dm.

the only words to describe the feeling that overwhelmed her senses as she read were devastation and shock. tears pooled in her eyes as she tried to imagine herself with that much responsibility to wildhold until july. another detail that caught her eye, wizard? what did he mean by wizard? is that the word for dictator in england? certainly he wasn’t talking about the wizards she read about in storybooks as a child. her hand shook slightly and she debated mentioning it.

draco

you’re silly if you think i’d stop writing you. you need company now more than ever. please don’t hold things back from your letters, you deserve someone to talk to. that is quite the situation, im sorry if i pushed you, you do have enough on your shoulders and i want to help you as much as i can. i hate to ask, but you mentioned ‘wizards’ and i am a bit confused.

all my love

initially, draco went into shock. he knew he was probably oversharing, but didn’t expect to slip up in that way. he begrudgingly admitted; knowing that if this went badly he would likely be banished from the wizarding world, which didn’t seem like such a horrible punishment to him anymore. and yet she was fascinated, by the coins he sent her, the subjects he learned- which she compared to her own much less exciting ones, and everything he told her about it. he could now talk to her about much more, since both his secrets were now out in the open to her. he told her about the about the houses, and they both agreed she would probably be in hufflepuff, well he thought so, her kind and accepting nature, and she didn’t know enough to disagree. and for the first time in the long time he was seeing things differently, completely diminishing the rude behaviour he often displayed towards the house.

she even sent him a picture, the first time he ever saw her face. a large smile spread across her beautiful features, she seemed to be laughing. eyes glistening in the sun even prettier than he could have imagined. he slept with it under his pillow, and could stare at the still image for hours. no it didn’t move around, but he couldnt care less. he only had one picture of himself in his possession and he was young, about four. she was facinated by the moving image, his blonde hair and attitude shining right through. he would owl his mother for a more recent one, but didn’t want to explain why.

the letters were helping him, but the task wasn’t advancing. his second attempt had failed, he was caught sneaking into slughorns party, and harry was onto him. they were also causing him doubt. say they did get the cabinet fixed, he couldn’t see himself killing dumbledore anymore, the more he talked to her he realized he couldn’t be a killer, as cold as he was to some people, but he had to, didnt he?

most importantly every letter she sent gave him a sense of hope. that the second this is over he could move. away from voldemort, and potter, his parents even, england in whole. perhaps not to canada, but it could be a change, half way across the world with the girl who was helping him stay alive through his letters. he just needed to stay alive long enough too see her.

the seasons changed around draco, but his room stayed the same. hot from mysterious potions, for himself and some for dumbledore, he had not had much hope after the wine, though. it was lonely, not that he’d like y/n here, he’d much rather be there, all the way across the world.

may came in a blur, and finals were creeping up. one week y/n sat at her desk, every night, waiting for a letter that didn’t come. on the fifth letterless day she cried. not exactly knowing why, it wasn’t her that had much of a reason to cry, but dracos company had filled her lonely life up with light of its own, leaving it darker than it was before she saw the first letter. she was silly to be so attached and silly to expect him to reciprocate the feelings she had proclaimed in the last one she sent, and should have expected him to stop eventually. so she continued on with school, finding it a bit easier to concentrate now that a draco sized whole was missing from her brain, and her heart aswell.

the next week, though, a letter came, very appreciated by y/n as the whole other universe, british boy forgetting thing wasn’t as easy as it seemed.

y/n

im sorry for not writing, the classmate i mentioned all those months ago woke from the curse, and the potter twat hexed me with a spell id never heard of before. i would have tried to contact with you but i couldn’t exactly trust what my brain was planning on writing, and the cuts are still a bit sore. the cabinets fixed, but even if everything works out okay i won’t be writing very much at all. i’ll be home in july, but the manor will be infested with death eaters and i can’t let you get hurt. thank you for everything l/n.

draco

it stung a little, knowing that the empty feeling the girl just experienced would be more frequent, he didn’t mention anything about what she had said, and that this could be the last time she ever heard from him if he didn’t kill dumbledore. in hindsight, practically telling her she loved him in a letter wasn’t what he needed, she knew that.

he left out the fact that he the spell put a him in a huge emotinal draught. he was exhausted constantly, crying even more than before. the cuts were sore, so he wasn’t holding everything back.

the last month of school came and went all to fast for dracos liking, and death eaters now roamed around the castle, causing havoc where ever they could. his trunk had been shurken so small it looked like a small muggle toy he put into his pocket easily. the dark mark that was stretched across his left arm was now hanging in the gray sky, and the headmaster was no where to be seen. he paced anxiously around a vacant corridor until he heard a pop in the astronomy tower. he didn’t think people could apparate into hogwarts, it would have made his job much easier.

‘harry, get snape, i need snape now’ he seemed exhausted, maybe this wouldn’t be as hard

‘sir im going to sit you down okay, and then ill go get madam pomf-‘

‘severus, harry, I need severus now, go get him and talk to no one else’ he said in a shallow yet somewhat urgent and angry tone.

draco waited for footsteps to disappear, before whipping the door open with his wand already ready.

‘oh hello, draco, nice to see you on this fine evening’ he said nonchalantly, leaning his weight against the wall.

‘EXPELLIARMUS’ draco boomed, successfully disarming the man without counter attempts before glancing around to see a second broom

‘who else is here?’ he said sounding confident but feeling the opposite

‘i could ask you the same question, acting alone are you? you don’t seem supported’

‘no, there are death eaters in your school tonight, and i got them here’ he snarked ‘they’ll be up, any minute now, their fighting down below. i’ve got a job to do’

‘well done boy, if you don’t mind me asking a few questions, before you get on with it, im very intrested’ was he kidding? he knew draco was about to kill him right? wanting to stall, and not fully wanting to kill him he nodded his head yes.

‘you seem scared to act until they join you

‘im not scared, you should be scared’ he snarled, unable to contain the fear in his voice any longer any longer

‘oh draco’ he sighed ‘while we wait for your friends arrive, care to explain how you smuggled them in here? i never imagined it possible, especially not by a student’

‘i had to mend the broken cabinet that no ones used for years, there’s another one in borgin and burkes. montague got stuck in told everyone stories about it, how he could sometimes hear what was going on in the shop and sometimes hear hogwarts like a passage, and i was the only one who discovered what it meant. not even borgin, not you either, i did it right under your nose, you didn’t realize anything’ he said

‘you are right, i didn’t know that. i do- on the other hand, know that you aren’t a killer’

he raised his wand a little higher, feeling wheezy and as though his legs would give in any second

‘how you know that, I’ve done despicable things, you wouldn’t even be able to fathom’

it was dumbledore’s time to pause, glancing up at the sky and looking around the room before continuing

‘draco i know you almost killed katie bell and ron weasley. you’ve been trying to kill me all year, forgive me for saying this, but they’ve been very feeble attempts. to be honest ive wondered wheather your heart has truly been in it’

‘it has, and if you knew why didnt you stop me’

‘snape has been watching over you on my orders’

‘ it’s not on your orders, he promised my mother-‘

‘ofcourse he would tell you that, but it happens to be that i trust professor snape’

‘your losing it then, he’s a double agent, he isn’t working for you- he’s been trying to get in on the action all year, helping me and all. doesn’t matter now- he probably doesn’t even know they are here yet, he will wake up tomorrow and no longer be the dark lords favourite, he will be nothing compare to me’ confidence was building within him

‘very gratifying, we all like being recognized for our hard work, but, draco?im standing here wandless and weak, unable to defend myself, and you have not made any move to kill me, dont blame me for believing you will not, but let’s discuss your options’

‘my options’ he laughed ‘im standing here with a wand, about to kill you’

‘oh dear boy, if you were going to kill me you would have when you disarmed me, not stayed for a little chat’

‘i haven’t got any options, don’t you understand, i have to kill you, or he will kill me’

‘okay, if you don’t want to join the order with your mother where we could protect you, i only have one more question’

‘better hurry, theyre on their way’ he almost laughed which was quickly replaced when Dumbledore said his next words.

‘who is y/n l/n’ at that a tear fell down dracos face, and he lowered his wand almost completely

‘i-i don’t know who that is, odd l-last words’ he stuttered

‘draco dont play dumb now, not after we discovered you are very intelligent. we left some of the security measures from last year that Umbridge enabled, and I couldn’t help but notice hundreds of letters flowing to and from her. i looked into student files, ilvermornies too, nothing, id never heard the name, a muggle i presumed. but of all the things, that had me the most confused. i couldn’t figure out why you would be contacting her, so i did some meddling’

‘WHAT DID YOU DO’

‘fiesty all the sudden, are you? i felt bad after opening this, it seemed very personal, and i probably should given it too you sooner, but i was a bit preoccupied double checking my drinks and all’ dumbledore said handing him the letter.

draco

how is the cabinet coming? it’s raining even more here than usual, all day and night. and don’t talk like that, saying you don’t have a future. you do draco, you deserve another chance and infinite amounts of them. you are just a kid, you shouldn’t be forced to be a hero. you are protecting so many people right now, but i don’t need any. you have given my life enough light in the last few months than i ever recall, and im so thankful that letter came to me. i wish you were here with me right now, but i know you can’t be, so just stay alive, okay?

y/n

more tears fell, he hated being so weak at the mention of her, crying before he completed the blessing his father and bellatrix considered the task to be.

‘she’s right, draco, you deserve another chance’

he was speechless, and could tell Dumbledore knew he found his weakness.

‘i always pictured you and pansy, never in a million years imagined you to be in a relationship with a muggle’

‘no matter who does it, your about to be killed, and im not here to discuss my love life am i?’

‘so you do love her?’ before draco could even think he heard a door open and raised his wand, hiding the letter faster than he had ever moved.

‘shut up, they will kill her’ he said quietly and desperately

in walked fenrir greyback, yaxley, and bellatrix. they made banter of their own, but her words replayed. he couldn’t do it.

‘go on draco’ his aunt whispered into his ear, making him shiver.

‘DO IT, DO IT BOY’ she yelled, in a high pitched and annoying voice

he felt a strong arm over his chest, pushing him aside, and he saw the whoosh of snapes robes and an already pleading dumbledore

‘severus, please’

‘AVADA KEDAVRA’ snape shouted, a green flash producing from the end of his wand, hitting the old man square in the chest. draco rushed over to the edge, watching him fall. it was a long way down.

the rain had sudsided, sunlight leaking into her room during the day. watching the sky at night, failing to find constellations he described many times to her. her wardrobe was mostly untouched, remaining in pyjamas most of the week. the odd time she did leave, she saw her old friends walking and laughing out her car window. eating and socializing felt like a chore, and she hadn’t communicated with the boy since may. he could be dead, she didn’t know. there was no death on the ‘muggle’ news, and draco wasn’t on the top wanted list, not that he likely would be on the television all the way over here. he could be fine, in wiltshire, going to dinner parties and holding balls. or maybe, he too, was sitting in his room staring at the ceiling for days on end. she had now hung the picture of a young draco by her desk, not needing to worry about anyone seeing. her siblings were once again home, but out living their lives so much that it still felt like they were gone. for the first time she noticed his scroll on the back.

‘i was four when this was taken i believe, my hair is very similar, i was quite sassy, im sure that shows without explanation.’ she blushed while reading, it was true. his hands were on his hips whipping his head around.

every day was a surprise around malfoy manor. not the kind of surprise draco liked. not the feeling of butterflies in his stomach when he read y/ns letters, those were replaced by a pit as they were summoned around the large table in the dining room. the first one he attended was horrible, watching his muggle studies teacher being hung above their heads, pleading for the help of severus as she died. he bit his tongue in an attempt to avoid raging about about every comment surrounding muggle culture. each one tore his heart, as he imagined the girl all those kilometres away, the girl he had no contact with, but he looked at her picture as much as possible, and hoped one day he could make her smile again like she did in the image.

senior year was here, and y/n schedule picked up once again. her timetable was full, maybe it was best, a distraction, after a whole summer of thinking alone in her room. draco was on her mind at night, no matter how hard she tried to forget. she’d made friends with her creative promotions partner, logan. he was certainly not intrested in her in anyway besides friends, but company after all this time was enjoyable, just in the hour of class

draco had little privacy, with death eaters in every hallway, conversing with eachother. wherever he went someone was there, until he finally got sick of it and began going to the garden bench. with a book, sometimes, giving some of the sappy love stories y/n mentioned a try or even the poetry books she sent with noctua awhile back, they were okay, but his heart hurt at the feeling of relation in every line. he could only read one or two poems at a time, without tears forming in his green orbs.

sometimes he went with a pen and a notebook. he wrote about everything. the smell of the plants around him, the feeling in his chest when the dark lord called for a meeting. most of the notebook, though, was filled with poems of his own. and letters he had no intention of sending for her own safety. she wasn’t in harms way, though, other followers were preoccupied with ruining weddings and other things they considered fun. he blabbered on for pages, about how he missed seeing noctua fluttering towards him at breakfast. how he rereads the letter that dumbledore gave him the night he died. how she listened to him rant on and on, giving her support no matter how evil he felt. how he found love where it wasn’t supposed to be.

snow was falling once again, he had to dress in layers, making it hard to write often, the plants started dying as cold settled over and his mother no longer babied him like she used to before the death eaters began inhabiting the mansion. he couldn’t keep himself company any longer and gave into the pressure he put on himself. as long as they were careful, she’d be in no destruction- he prayed as he wrote what seemed to be an appropriate response after all this time.

like it had been decades, she flinched at the noise of the owl on the window, carrying a much larger scroll that he’d ever sent before, some parts scratched out and written above. his writing was much less tidy than she remembered, like the letters on the page were anxious for her reaction.

love,

after all this time, im sorry you are just now hearing from me. you have ever single right to be annoyed with me, after you listened to me for months, helping me emotionally in ways i never be able to repay you for. you do not need to forgive me, or write me back. i just wanted to keep you safe. but i needed to tell you everything before it might actually be to late. you’ve probably moved on and forgotten about me, like you should, but i guess im saying that i am alive. i didn’t kill him either. snape did. i thought i was going to be able to, but he started talking about you. he gave me a letter from you that he had already opened, the words repeated in my head over and over. you talked about how i deserved another chance, and how you wish I’d was there with you. right before he died he asked me if i loved you. i knew the answer but didn’t have time to say it. ive read your poetry books, they aren’t as bad as i once thought, i can’t read to many at once. i try to forget what dumbledore said that night, and that night altogether. but one day i read ‘that’s how you know you love someone, i guess. when you cant experience anything without wishing the other person was there to see it too.’ when i sit in the garden i imagine you smelling the flowers, myself picking one and putting it behind your ear. when i go on walks i imagine your hand in mine. youre in my dreams. my never ending thought. i remember the way i felt when we started talking a lot, and how I felt when we didn’t get a chance. you listened to me when no one else offered. not even my parents. i hope your doing okay, and smiling and laughing. i don’t care if we talk about absolutely nothing, i just want to talk to you. i know that’s unfair to you after all ive weighed on you. but i guess that’s all, i love you. draco ♡

well this certainly didn’t get him off her mind. she didn’t need to either. ofcourse she was going to write him back, but she needed time to think about her response. she missed the next day of school, and his owl was comfortably standing on her desk, nibbling away at the water and crumbs. she took an hour long shower, multiple naps, raided her fridge, and had to email the school pretending to be her mum, excusing her for the day. before she even knew what she was going to write, she began on a new piece of paper. she’d have thought longer, but was sure draco would be convinced she stole noctua out of anger.

draco,

wow. i don’t really know what to say. i knew you weren’t a killer, and i meant what i said about you deserving more chances. i will admit i was angry, and a bit confused. i sent that letter with high hopes. i don’t know what i was hoping for at the time, i was being incredibly selfish. but couldn’t help myself feel pained when you didn’t mention it in the next letter when you said harry hexed you. i know we can’t be together, especially not right now, but i love you too. i wish more than anything you were here with me right now, and it was you i’d be graduating with half a year from now. i wish you were in the passenger seat of my car while i drive through the city. i wish you could point out the constellations in the sky. i usually can’t read to many poems either, they get me thinking to much. im ready to write again if you are.

y/n

draco hadn’t felt more joy in a long time. around seven months. she loved him, and that was enough happiness for a life time. he just needed to stay alive.

they continued to stay in touch, almost as if they never stopped talking, entertaining eachother as much as possible, masking their separate misery and the distance between them. he could get time away from the reality that was his life for a while, he thought, until snatchers brought the trio he spent so long bickering with to the manor.

a very distorted looking harry fell before him, his hair tightly gripped by bellatrix.

‘well, is it him’ he knew it was harry. and yet a part of him couldn’t bring himself to letting the boy get killed.

‘i can’t be sure’ he lied

‘draco, look closely son’ lucius said loudly, getting a grip on the back of dracos neck before leaning in and whispering.

‘if we are the ones that hand potter to the dark lord, all will be f-forgiven. a-all will go back to how it was’

his father and the and a snatcher quickly got into an arguement. lucius was yelling something about the manor before narcissa calmed him with a hiss.

‘don’t be shy, sweetie come here take a closer look’

draco was know level with him. the scar was still visible on his forehead, and swollen eyes staring back at him, hopeless.

‘what’s wrong with his face’ draco said

‘yes what is wrong with the boys face’ a shrill voice repeated

‘he was like that when we got him, something he picked up in the forest i reckon’

bellatrix walked away, laughing away at something. the blonde boys eyes were still on harry, before he felt a tap on his shoulder. bellatrix began acting out, yelling about a sword, putting ropes around snatchers neck from the end of her wand. sword now in her hand she walked over to ronald weasley, grabbing his collar and demanding that the boys be put in the cellar.

a different draco would have gladly watched a mudblood be tortured by his aunt. but he flinched at every scream of hermione, unable to watch he went to the next room, resisting tears as he thought of the girl he fell for enduring the same. she had moved onto the goblin- ridiculing it about who got into her vault- and hermiones screams were now gone.

‘youre lucky, goblin, the same won’t go for this one’ he heard footsteps

‘like hell it wont’ he heard ron yell, followed by the expelliarmus and what must have been harry stupefying his father. draco rushed in, now dueling a more normal looking harry, until their attention caught on bellatrix, a knife to grangers throat. they dropped there wands, and he did as instructed, picking them up. lucius was summoning the dark lord when they heard a tittering on the ceiling, and the chandlier crashing. it all moved so fast and harry was now wrestling draco for his wand back. he tried, but harry had already pried it out of his cold and shaky hands.

‘STUPID ELF. THAT COULD HAVE KILLED ME’

‘dobby never meant to kill. dobby only meant to maim or seriously injure’ the house elf squeaked, and draco had never resisted a chuckle so hard.

‘HOW DARE YOU TAKE A WITCHES WAND. HOW DARE YOU DEFY YOUR MASTERS’

‘dobby has no master, dobby is a free elf, and he has come to save Harry Potter and his friends.’ and with that they apparated out, not without bella throwing a knife into the mix.

meanwhile, y/n was receiving letters of her own. not from draco either. letters from the schools she applied to. so far everything was good, except for princeton, but she didn’t have the highest expectations. she was accepted to the university of british columbia, seattle university, even ucla. she only had one letter left, and the large stuffed yellow envelope sat in her hands. she wasn’t sure about it- would she even be able to go to the univeristy of london? it was far, but draco was there, well closer to there atleast. accepted- it read. it was an option, and she still had weeks to think about it.

draco was very hesitant to write after the incident at the manor, the screams of Hermione, and the terrifying looking potter still vivid in his brain and nightmares. he often woke from sleep in a sweat, yet freezing cold. whispers of the war around his house also haunted his mind and soul. he’d walk to the window and look up at the the stars, they were under the same sky, at least. eventually he had to write her, it had been half a month and he couldn’t leave her hanging alone again.

y/n

love, im sorry for being hesitant, but there is going to be a war. i hate to leave you contact-less, but i need you to be safe now more than ever. i couldn’t live with myself if you got hurt. potter and his friends were brought here to the manor, it didn’t last long- they escaped within the hour and a half. with that doped elf, and a goblin too. if you don’t hear from me again, remember i love you. and always will.

draco

of all the letters y/n had recieved, from draco in all, that was probably the most displeasing. a war? like with tanks and bombs? tears were shedding down her face as she wrote the shortest response yet. knowing he most definitely didn’t have time to listen to her talk about schools, and how she got accepted to london, but her parents deemed it to far, ubc would have to do, she’d find her way to him eventually, if they were meant to be.

draco

stay safe, i love you.

yn.

draco now stood at snapes new office, dozens of corpses on the floor, pooled in blood. the dark lord speaking parsel tounge to nagini. no one needed to speak it to know that the man was infuriated about something potter had done.

the information he left was lacking, was he serious? what did wizarding wars even look like? her graduation date was set, June 6th, but it all seemed irrelevant, suddenly picking out a dress didn’t seem as fun as she thought, same with getting portraits taken. should she have said more?

next thing he knew the protection spell was countered and he apparated in, grabbing zabani and goyle by the collar. rushing them into a corridor and waited for the door of the room of requirement to completely vanish before approaching himself. they successfully found harry, opening a box carefully before finally drawing attention to themselves.

‘well well, what brings you here, potter’ draco said, softly, much to his surprise as he meant it to sound snarky and rude

‘i could ask you the same’

‘i believe you have something of mine, and id like it back’ was he becoming… kind?

‘whats wrong with the one you have?’ harry replied

‘it’s my mothers, powerful but different, doesn’t fully understand me, im sure you know the feeling’

‘why didn’t you tell her. bellatrix? you knew it was me, and you didn’t tell her’ he wasn’t exactly sure what to say, nor did he know. harry really didn’t have anything to do with his feelings for y/n, maybe he should have just turned in him when he had the chance, it would all be over if he had.

‘don’t be a wuss draco, just do it now’ goyle whispered in his ear, making him chill the same way bellatrix did on the astronomy tower, almost a year ago.

‘expelliarmus’ hermione half shouted, causing narcissas want to fly out of dracos hands and run the other way.

‘avada kedavra’ goyle missed and weaslebee started chasing after them, yelling something about his girlfriend. turning back around after goyle unsuccessfully casted the fiendfyre curse.

fear was making his body almost rattle as he desperately climbed bookcases in an attemp to outrun the flames. he watched goyle fall, into the orange. yes, he was a complete and utter twat, but wasn’t a half bad friend during dracos bullying peek. his foot slipped, now just his hands were keeping him up, and he wasn’t sure how much longer he could hold on. in the distance he saw the three, zooming off to safety in the distance, leaving them their to die. not that he blamed them, after anything he did to them, he would have probably left himself there aswell.

but potter was flying towards him, arm out-stretched, grabbing onto his own and hoisting himself on the broom. had he already died? must not have, because the heat had finally caughten up. feeling as though he was going to pass out, he gripped tighter onto harry, maintaining his position on the broom. so much for staying safe. the second they made it out, they crashed onto the ground. he wanted to thank harry, but found himself running off instead.

explosions and hexes were being sent everywhere. people dying left and right. giants and trolls and spiders helping, he found himself in the slytherin common room. partially because he wanted to say goodbye, as he never wished to return to the building again once he had the choice. and partially as he was now aware of a large burn on his arm, and he felt a need to put off fighting until absolutely necessary. he entered through the portrait, for the last time. it felt like an aquarium, looking out upon the lake filled windows, merpeople and the giant squid often zooming by. he sat down upon the sofa, where he spent countless hours avoiding homework, plotting against potter and swimming in lust of his pure-blood status that now felt like a curse. he went up to his dorm, where he did very similar things. he wondered as to what he would be doing if he was a muggle right now. picking out a suit for graduation, buying a corsage for his date, but he wasn’t, so he best get going. running his hands along the furniture before leaving, not looking back.

the noise in the entrance courtyard had completely been diminished and draco found his way into the crowd of students pooling in. death eaters swarmed towards them at a painfully slow place, his mother and father near the head of the group. he noticed hagrid, towering above them, carrying what could only have been harrys corpse.

he watched carefully as they approached, trying to wedge himself inbetween and behind other students.

‘harry potter is dead’ voldemort paused ‘from now on, you put your faith in me’ silence fell over the hundreds of people who were know gathered. he swished his robes and turned backwards facing his followers

‘HARRY POTTER IS DEAD’ obnoxious and deafening cackles erupted

‘and now is the time to declare yourselves. come to our side, or die’ even more silence fell.

‘draco’ his father hissed before repeating ‘draco’

he felt eyes fall all over him, gazing expectantly. tears ran down his face.

don’t talk like that, saying you don’t have a future. you do draco, you deserve another chance and infinite amounts of them. was this what she meant? he’d been looking for another chance, maybe this was it.

he shook his head no, and noticed his father had fallen a shade of pale he didn’t know existed.

‘Draco, DRACO’ he yelled, clearly enranged, but before he could continue - a movement shifted in hagrids arms, and harry fell out. in a heartbeat draco threw his wand to the scar faced boy. he caught it, looking grateful as he could while casting some sort of spell at nagini. death eaters were disappearing into the air- including lucius, narcissa being dragged with him.

draco didn’t know what to do with himself, he was wandless and he couldn’t fight, unless he wanted to engage in an actual physical duel, which he didn’t. he found himself in the great hall, asking professor sprout if she needed help patching those up, she pulled him into a hug, unexpectantly. he never recalled such contact or connection with a professor. he spent the rest of the battle helping healing wounds with dittany, and caring for those left in the wake. it was a nice distraction from the fact he would most definitely be disowned, left a family-less orphan at 17.

y/n couldn’t blame him for not writing, he clearly stated that it might be the last time. but every night she cried until she couldn’t cry anymore, or until she fell asleep. how could she like him so much? they’d never even met. she didnt really need to see him to know him, his letters told him enough about him. and she could only hope- that if he managed through his six year without killing his headmaster, he could make it through the war.

he delayed going back to the manor for as long as possible, until he decided to apparate directly into his room. he considered packing his things up, but realized no one was home. he was thankful, he don’t think he would ever be able to fully confront his parents again. he fell asleep in his bed, and slept for 48 hours straight. he slept through very vivid dreams, ones of y/n being tortured the same way as Hermione, ones of the dark lord coming alive once again and killing his mother because of his choices. he couldn’t bring himself to sleep again purposefully, no matter how exhausted he was. the days weren’t much better, his mind raced at unbelievable paces. he saw the dead bodies laying around the great hall, the unrecoverable ones. maybe he should have just fallen into the fire, surely that would have been easier. he was slowly becoming thinner, and always needed multiple blankets to even stay at a somewhat warm temperature, his heart beat faster than normal. he often felt pains in his neck, and his eyes were almost always puffy from crying. he spent so much time in bed he almost didn’t hear his owl flutter onto his nightstand mid afternoon, a small package tied loosely around his neck.

he opened it to see a letter, muggle candies and a worn book. suddenly he felt more awake, and be shot up a little to fast then he should have, sitting on the edge of his bed.

draco.

i don’t know where you are, or if youre alive, if youre reading this now. i hope this doesn’t arrive at a bad time. but your 18 now, so happy birthday. if you are seeing this, i still love you. i think about you all the time. i hope you are okay, and safe. in case you don’t end up writing me back, i just thought I’d give you some random information to keep you company and away from your mind. i graduate tomorrow. i look at your picture everyday. I remember what you once told me about following my dreams, so instead of medicine, im going to study literature and business next year. im staying in kelowna aswell for now, hoping maybe you’ll be able to visit someday. im sure you’d like it. my favourite colour is still green. i don’t know what else to say.

always here to listen if you’d like to talk. yn.

was it actually his birthday? had it already been a month since the war? it felt like a year but the visions played over and over like it was yesterday. it took him awhile before it clicked. the war was over, Voldemort was dead and there was no one to stop him from seeing her. he completely disregarded the lightheaded feeling he got when he stood up to fast- and rushed to his wardrobe. it took him a bit longer than he thought to pack up all his clothes, including the thousands of letters he kept hidden in a large drawer. the trunk was a bit heavier than he may have thought, and he ended up needing to take a car, in fear that he may not be able to apparate successfully to the airport without injuring himself. he quickly found out that muggle travelling was harder than he thought, and security and customs were also apparently a thing that all people needed to get through.

he wrapped himself in his cloak and didn’t get a drop of sleep the whole plane ride. it was nighttime when they flew over montreal, and then toronto. the sun rose as they crossed through winnipeg, regina, and calgary. he didn’t know this himself ofcourse, but he aggressively hit the map on the screen in front of him, desperate to know where he was. he only got an hour of half decent sleep before he felt rattling of the plane landing, and he gripped tightly onto the arm rests. he struggled for half an hour before he even got sight of his luggage on the moving thing that went round and round. compared to London, kelownas airport was very small and easy to navigate. the air outside was hot, making draco feel even more self concious about his clothing choices.

y/n put her hair back into a twist with a clip taking a suprising amount of effort to make sure it looked okay. her makeup was natural looking, nothing crazy but she looked gorgeous none the less. she slipped into her black romper, some canadians didn’t wear their fancy dresses to convocation, only something simple to go with the cap and gown. she arrived at the ceremony, seeing everyone, with excited smiles and laughs, conversing amongst themselves. and every memory came rushing back. they sat in rows on a stage, listening to the heartfelt and extremely cheesy speech the staff made every single year. she’d never noticed how many kids were in her age group until they were being called up one by one.

‘alex can’

‘ruth lee’

and the list went on and on until finally

‘y/n l/n’ the moment had come, and she shook everyone’s hand, receiving her diploma and flipping her caps tassel to the left. ‘y/n is staying around next year, and attending the university of british columbia okanogan, good luck l/n’ her principal said and claps continued like they had and the rest of the list finished sooner, or seemed to go by faster, she wasn’t sure.

draco had never had to find a taxi by himself, but once he did he gave the driver the only place he knew, the address he saw on the top corner of her first response almost two years ago.

y/n pulled away from the school grounds, watching them disappear in her rear view mirror. it was hot with a breeze, but she smiled the whole way home. she’d done it, made it through every assignment and class, dealt with attention hungry bitches, and crappy teachers. the next door was truly opening. pulling up to her house, and closing her car door as she hopped out, she watched her feet carry her up to the house. turning the corner, she saw him, sitting there on her steps, a present wrapped horribly in his hands, looking very out of place in his black cloak. she stopped in her own steps and he hesitantly stood up, before she launched herself into his arms breathing in his cologne, finally together after all this time.

#draco malfoy imagine #draco malfoy fanfiction #draco malfoy fluff #draco malfoy x reader #draco malfoy x hufflepuff!reader #draco malfoy #draco fanfiction #draco x you #draco x female reader #draco x reader #harry potter fanfiction #harry potter headcanon #draco malfoy headcanon #harry potter imagine #harry potter fanfic rec #harry potter x y/n #cedric diggory x reader

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parrishh · 3 years

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i'm like, 90% sure all of the anons in my inbox right now are actually the same person so, if that's you, i'm just going to answer all of your mister impossible questions in this post since there are a lot of them and this is going to be really very extremely long

"Wait what why is Jordan awake?"/"Is the sweetmetal of declans picture helping jordan stay awake?"

i don't know why she's awake but i don't think it's the painting, because at the end of the book she's outside declan's apartment, not her own. i guess it's possible that she succeeded in making the painting a sweetmetal powerful enough to sustain her even there, but i feel like there's probably a different explanation. i've seen theories that she's inadvertently made herself into a sweetmetal by finally seeing herself as her own person rather than just a copy of hennessy, which is interesting

"And the things about the ley line Idgi? Hennessy wants to stop the power but for what"

i think hennessy thinks shutting down the ley line is the best (or even only) way to get rid of the lace. she hates herself for the lace to the extent that she doesn't even want to live anymore, so of course that's her primary motivation. she feels hopeless so long as the lace has power. she's desperate

"Why did he think adam was in on declans plan? I think the "oh" was more like oh you want to come with bryde of course...."

the "oh" is in response to ronan saying "i'm calling now. i need to see you", before there's even any mention of bryde. adam says "you're here? oh", not "you're here? why are you here?" the fact that he didn't ask why ronan was in town, the fact that he said an "oh" of realization instead, implied that he already knew why ronan was in town. and he could have only known by speaking to declan. i think it was a reasonable conclusion on ronan's part

"Ronan are you being serious????? Why should Adam/Declan drop everything and come fight with you - they didnt even know where you are, they don't know the plan. Then you accuse them of that Moderators plan without questioning them. And I mean, yes, Ronan is easily manipulated and he thinks everyone is against them and Bryde is the only one who cares but come on!!!!!!! Seriously, doesn't he get that he might be in the wrong????"

i mean, i think you hit the nail on the head when you said "he thinks everyone is against them." for a long time, he's been struggling with feeling alone, like he's a burden, like the people he loves don't really understand him. he's never had a healthy relationship with another dreamer, so it makes sense that he feels so isolated from literally everyone he cares about. and now he just found out two of the most important people in his life went behind his back to conspire against him (even if he doesn't have confirmation about adam, declan does admit to it over the phone) which is just...salt on a wound he's had since he was a kid. i'm not saying he's in the right, but i do understand why his immediate reaction was what it was. when you've been hurt like that, it takes some time before you can like, calm down and reconsider your own role in the situation

"Ronan basically dreamt Bryde in his worst dream right? Why does he still trust him"

i mean, i don't know how much we can believe what bryde says, but when he reveals himself as being ronan's dream he basically says that everything that he (bryde) wants, ronan already subconsciously wanted before he even dreamt him. that bryde wants it because ronan wanted it. to admit that bryde is in the wrong, ronan would have to admit he, himself, is in the wrong, too, and that's not easy. especially because a lot of his motivation is saving matthew and not wanting to live with the weight of matthew's life on his conscious anymore. especially because he's felt alone for so long, and now he just found out the first dreamer to truly make him feel less alone is his own creation. he's hurting. a lot. he will admit to being wrong in the third book, i think, but like i mentioned above, that kind of growth takes some time

"I think Ronan actually doubts Brydes plan too bc he thinks stuff like people built the dam, there are living things here, it cost a fortune..... and i personally never see a purpose in what they're doing bc bryde never tells them and ronan obviously doesn't know or he thinks he doesnt. I think he doesnt and he just trudts bryde blindly for now and his insecurities aka bryde take over and rule over ronan. Thoughts?"

i mean, i think ronan sees the purpose. here are his thoughts, directly quoted from chapter 17 when bryde is talking about restoring the ley lines:

"A world where Matthew could just live. A world where Ronan could just dream. A world where every dream was clear and crisp and easy to navigate, so there were never accidents or nightmares. He wanted it."

he wants, as i mentioned above, for matthew's life to not be reliant on his own (which i understand. that's a really heavy knowledge to live with.) he also just wants to be able to exist wherever he wants and with whomever he wants (thinking, for example, about how he wasn't able to get an apartment in boston in cdth), without constantly worrying that the nightwash is going to kill him. poor guy just wants a normal life

"Also did we ever actually see bryde get something out of a dream? Most work did Ronan"

this is interesting. now that you mention it, i don't think we do. supposedly he dreams the orbs, but i can't recall ever seeing that happen? i could be wrong, though

"And why is the nightwash mostly ronans problem? I mean hennessy and rhionna (?) had it very little and who knows if the other dreamers have it"

i think ronan is a much, much more powerful dreamer than any of the others. there's something...More about him. something special about being the greywaren. i don't know what it is, specifically, but i anticipate that's something we'll find out in the final book, and i expect it'll explain why the nightwash affects him more than it does the others

"Who the hell dreamt the mods"

i don't know! i think the most popular theory right now is that it was nathan farooq-lane. i'm not sure how that works, though, since they killed nathan and bryde took the sweetmetal off of lock pretty early in the book (unless nathan isn't actually dead, somehow) (or bryde is nathan, which is another popular theory). another theory is that it was ronan. like, he was feeling so alone and misunderstood that he accidentally dreamt his own persecutors? or it's possible that they were all just dreamt by random dreamers and that's why they felt strongly enough about the "cause" to become moderators, but that's kind of boring

"And why are R B and H so dangerous? Bc of what they're doing?"

yeah, and, i mean, according to liliana's visions, they have the power to end the world

"Can I point out that Idk what everyone is talking about, I dont get pynch possible breakup vibes at all from this book"/"Am I trippin or did I read another book? Because some fellas say there's no pynch"

i think when people say there's no pynch, they just mean that there's very minimal pynch interaction, specifically. because, yeah, even though they're both constantly thinking about each other, it is true that we only get one moment of them actually interacting (the phone call), and it's obviously not a positive interaction

i don't think anyone actually thinks they'll break up. at least, i haven't seen anyone say that and i've been feverishly reading everything under the mister impossible tag, so

"What struck me as really odd was that Adam bought this stupid 14$ waffle which he would have never done a few months back and I dont think he would do it now? 14$ is a lot of money esp for a waffle so why spend it on something as useless as this? And why do the others need Adams money? Are they all on scholarships? Was it just bc he had cash and the others didnt? And why is he treating them like his followers and they treat him as their guardian or whatever like he clearly needs to be honest with them"

okay, first off, i will say, as someone who grew up poor and, like adam, absolutely busted my ass in high school to get a good scholarship so i could go to college, the relief of actually getting that scholarship is...powerful. my financial anxiety definitely didn't disappear once that happened, but there was, at least in my experience, this feeling of "i made it, it's going to be okay now" that made it a little easier to spend money. i don't think it's that unrealistic that he, now having the security of a harvard education, would spend fourteen dollars on something he doesn't need every once in a while. it would be completely out of character for henrietta adam, yes, but it's a bit different now. plus, it wouldn't suit his faux Harvard Adam persona to refuse the waffle because of how much it costs

i think his friends are all a lot more well-off than he is. it was just that they didn't have any cash on them and the waffle truck didn't take card (also realistic, i never have cash on me so i always have to ask someone to spot me when a place turns out to be cash-only)

i think (a) they all look up to him because he has this really calm, cool and collected persona. more importantly, we can assume that they were all struggling with something when he met each of them, since they were all crying. now in swoops this guy who saw them upset and came to comfort and befriend them. of course they see him as something like a hero. and (b) i think he likes that. in high school, he was the one being rescued, not the one rescuing. i think he enjoys being the kind of person he used to wish he could be (ie. gansey. he's being gansey)

"I thought it a bit funny in a weird way that Declan talked about marrying Jordan…I can't imagine he was being too serious about it?"

no, i mean, i don't think he was literally proposing, not yet. he's just really happy for the first time in a long time (maybe ever) and, after a lifetime of pain and trauma and more responsibility than he ever signed up for, i don't blame him for wanting that feeling to last forever, even if he's not really thinking clearly

"Also I think it's amazing they make each other so happy but the ending makes me a bit sad or surprised bc shouldn't Matthew be his nr1 priority now?"

we only have jordan's perspective at the end, so when she thinks that it was clear declan had come out of his apartment looking for her, i don't think that necessarily means he wasn't also looking for matthew. i don't think it's fair to say that, in that moment, he should prioritize either matthew or jordan. he loves two dreams, so he can and should be concerned for both of them equally. i don't think one love is inherently more important than the other just because it's lasted longer or because it's family

#WHEW THIS TOOK FOREVER #thanks for the questions! sorry i don't know what i'm talking about half the time!#mister impossible #mister impossible spoilers #mi spoilers #w's mi asks #answered #anon

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almasidaliano · 3 years

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epiphanies pt. 2 oct.19 238:

hai :&

fun fact about being a poet, or- writer; wherever i fall- sometimes you haven't the slightest idea what you need to say, but you have to write.

that's why i'm typing now.. slowly, unsurely. waiting for the light to flicker on and for it all to make sense.

good things are coming i think. and i should be happy right? i mean like ecstatic you know?.... fuck that.

maybe i should be laying on someone's couch disclosing this, however i choose to believe it reaches whom it needs, and even if this exhale isn't the one that helps me breathe at least it gives me space to take another breath, that being said:

fear does not exist. i have no fears. i'm not scared of anything. and the world thinks your reality has to be trafficking, and civil war for you to be numb to the ugliness. ugly has no concrete image, just characteristics.

my brother is dead. the love of my life, the only peace ive ever known is dead. a cousin i lost touch with years ago, one of the few on my maternal side that simply was as he existed is dead. a cousin i hardly remember is dead as well. a great aunt, a great grandfather, and a step grandfather as well. i attended two of those funerals. i stared at two lifeless bodies meant to placehold my loved ones. two lifeless bodies i could hardly recognize. bodies so cold, so stiff. i still dont understand how a body weighs anything with no soul to keep it grounded. why don't souls stay and bodies leave?

if i stay silent did i deserve it? shouldnt i have known better? you would think i would know better? nothing ever came of speaking out anyway..

imagine-- the sweetest girl, an athlete. active, beautiful, intellectual, selfless, caring.. she never had a place to "fit in", she always squeezed to fit until she was pushed out; naturally she moved around. she didn't like girly things. she wasn't filled out at first. pretty is safe, im realizing now, pretty and cute are safe.. she is naive. growing up with boy cousins and mostly brothers being one of the guys just felt like home. i suppose people are raised differently.. imagine she has this group of friends something like a family from after school programs. she is family oriented but her family tree is distorted. is she the apple that fell from a poisoned tree and tainted this one? is she to blame to the tragedy to come.. one by one her "brothers" cross a line, every time, all but one.. and one friend was fine. little did she know, when they grew up he too go would go.. the shocking part was that he felt entitled to her skin without her knowing.. everything about this recollection is disturbing. and the only time i tried to get this out, the wound was left open and the responses that i got ensured it wouldnt soon be closing. i want to scream, but i wont. i want to cry, but i dont. because i feel like everyone who has violated me will know. and they dont get that power.

im sorry. to those who feel #metoo.. because it took something like 3 years and it happening again, for me to truly realize im too weak to defend myself. too paralyzed. im cynical. im patient. if i fight i lose, if i freeze, i lose. being trapped removes the flight option, so i lose. no matter what i do. imagine conquering insomnia (kind of) just to never sleep again. because thats when he decided to invade you.

i have control over my worth, my confidence, me. and yet all that i can do is place accountability on me. for believing in humanity.

do you know how many times people promise to protect me? do you know the only one that did is dead now? ....

i wish i didnt ruin everything. i wish i was what people see/saw..

i wish i could still be me, without any of the pain at all..

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heartwoodventures · 3 years

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Primary Access Required: Run, Rabbit, Run

Aislinn made her way into the room, giving a wordless nod of greeting to those already gathered. She zeroed in on a chair and sat slowly and stiffly down onto it, letting go a breath as she did so.

Alexi took a glance around as he came down the stairs. "Oh! So there are others around. I was beginning to wonder."

Aislinn lifted her gaze to the Hrothgar as he appeared at the edge of the room. "Aye. Here and there. As I understand it, there's to be a meeting shortly." she said, her subdued voice barely carrying across the way.

Alexi quirks a brow and leans against the door frame, arms folding. "A meeting? What about?"

Haila glanced back to nod in greeting towards Alexi. "A discussion of a not so recent expedition that one of our members organized. But I'll wait for the news to be given more officially in a few moments."

From where he sat on the couch, Mivo'to flickered his eyes, his red companion finally coming to rest atop his waist after a handful of stern glances. "Business as ever. 'Twould seem Heartwood is not to be offered reprise by the Twelve."

Aislinn nodded, glad to let someone else do the talking.

"As much as I wished to call this business the usual... 'Tis not anymore. Not after the near endless time I had with our little mechanical guests to figure out more. But once more, time to wait just a tiny bit for those coming." Haila explained, sighing as she reached for a small canteen on her side to open and take a few sips. Of what, only she knew.

Alexi Grenasch: "Either way, I've been looking for M'shara. She left the Bozjan front before me by quite a while and I had hoped to find her upon my return this morning. She wasn't at her home, so I decided to just wait here for her."

Mivo'to offered a single blink before the Hrothgar's ponderance, his still expression drifting to the slumbering rodent atop his legs. Nary a twitch pulled at his lips, thoughts drifting elsewhere as he offered an idle scratch to the Panda.

Aislinn's gaze skated away from Alexi, also avoiding his words. She just didn't have it in her to say more.

Rising Lotus was mostly watching the fish swim about as she sat on the counter before the tank, she wasn't quite sure what the latest had been with the whole situation as of late.

Once more, Haila's ears twitched, this time at the sudden sound of the front door bursting open. She stood quickly and rushed to the lobby to check. Upon seeing Altani out of breath on the floor, she went to her side, gently tapping the Viera on the shoulder as if to let her know that they were there.

Alexi sat up straight, his ears perking up at the sound from the other room! With a grunt, he stood and followed...

Mivo'to followed the attention of his Panda as its eyes snapped to the thunder of the door, swiftly exiting from its brief slumber as it scampered forth. "Twelve's name..." He murmured softly, chasing after the inquisitive beast - Only to grind to a halt upon the scene.

Altani rolled onto her back curling her fist into a ball smacking herself on her chest another loud cough coming out of her, she stayed silent for a moment before sitting up glancing to the crowd facing her, she never did much like crowds and now it only made her feel even worse as she tried to speak up "W-We...Shite...W-We went l-look for Vanriri..." Whatever she was trying to say it clearly wasn't easy as she choked up looking down at her thighs.

N'yami ears flicked as her ruby gaze turned towards the Viera who came bursting through the door, pushing herself off the pillar the Seeker turned to see what was going on. Why was Altani out of breath? The hell's happened? The confusion was clear on Yami's face, maybe she needed to come around the house more to keep up with everything.

Aislinn pulled herself to her feet, her expression blank as she followed in the others' wake.

Rising Lotus followed suit, wanting to see the commotion her self, and it felt kind weird to just be sitting there alone.

Mivo'to Laaski twisted his figure around, eyes falling upon the recently vacated study. With a raised finger, the Keeper would gesture forth, ears flapping through the air. "Pray, might we make arrangement for the Miss? She is clearly in a state of shock." He spoke, attention trailing to and fro between the trio and their newly arrived Viera. "I shall fetch water - Poor Miss is probably running on naught but willpower."

Haila Wetyios 's expression turned rather grim, so the news she'd suspected and found data on were probably about to be confirmed. She looked up towards Mivo'to and nodded. "Aye, bring some water quick. And you, take a breath first... We'll need you to tell us what happened with a clear head."

Aislinn stared at Mivo'to a moment, as if it was taking her time to process his words. Then, with an inhalation of breath, she pushed herself forward towards the Viera. "Can you stand? Do you want to come sit down?" she asked with perfunctory calm, eyes moving critically over the woman, looking for any glaring injuries.

Alexi just stood back, letting clearer heads and more careful hands tend to the woman. He just watched. He'd been waiting all morning for M'shara after he'd returned and been told she'd gone out to help someone. Now, he was getting a bad feeling from this new arrival...

Altani shook her head after a few moments, listening to reason for once she tried to simply breath, but as Aislinn spoke to her she gave a light shrug "I-Im fine...j-just-" She coughed again her throat was probably akin to a desert at the moment, but at a glance she seemed to be fine more or less, her boots were caked in mud and her clothes were drenched as she reached up pulling her goggles down around her neck, a clear ring of dust and grime surrounding her eyes "N-Not good news ive got..."

"Aye... Such seems to be the only thing that comes through these doors these days. Here, can you stand?" Haila offered a hand to the woman, then nodded towards the library." I think everyone present needs to hear what you've been through." she added, still looking intently at the Viera.

Rising Lotus inched in a bit closer to hear the woman speak, keeping enough distance where she wouldn't be in the way. She had only spoke with Haila breifly about the whole big thing they were dealing with early in the week, so she was curious what the latest was.

Aislinn's lips twitch downward at that. The only sign of any sort of expression at all. Haila was right, and though Aislinn had no idea what news Altani brought she could only wonder how many hits Heartwood would be required to take. Awkwardly, she pulled herself back to her feet, trying to be mindful of her injuries that were still on the mend. "Aye. She's right." Looking over her shoulder, she saw that Mivo'to had reappeared and made way for him.

Mivo'to reemerged after sometime, a swooshing wooden tankard clasped tightly between his palms. "Apologies, apologies, nary a clean mug in this-" He rambled, taking a plunging step forth to present the tankard of water before the Viera. "Easy does it, my Lady, easy does..."

Altani glanced away from the gaze but she took the hand shakily standing slowly pushing most of her weight onto Halia slowly wandering wherever Haila took her, but at the sight of the tankard she didnt wait a moment before grabbing it from Mivo'to chugging it down in seconds not even thinking as she dropped it the the floor "O-M-My bad..."

The uncanny speed at which the tankard had been down at least brought Haila a brief smirk. Altani didn't seem injured, that was enough for her. "Don't worry about it. Come along.." she said, leading the Viera back into the library area for her to take a seat.

Aislinn trailed after them and returned to her seat, watching Altani with a note of trepidation. She knew she had best steel herself for whatever was coming next. Mivo'to positioned themself far from the scene, arms folding upon his chest as an askewed gaze met the two Viera.

Alexi was the last to follow, taking his previous spot against the door frame. His tail tip still flicked harshly back and forth, telling of his anxiousness.

Altani let out a quiet sigh, knowing everyone's eyes were on her as she leaned back, she new it was pointless to beat around the bust so she simply let it out "...Vanriri, M-M'shara a-and...G'lewra were all...taken by the u-uh..the spider shites....allagan things...a-ate em or something...?" She didnt really know how it worked or what the hells she'd seen "T-Think they arent dead though like...ate em weirdly...pulled em into its guts with lie...m-metal tendrils or something..."

Haila nodded slowly as Altani spoke, even opting to cross her arms as she leaned absentmindedly against the couch, piecing together Altani's tale in her mind. "It took them then." she merely commented, waiting for the rest to process what had been just said before sharing what she knew.

Mivo'to lifted a brow, lips parting as an ever concerned breath passed between his fangs. 'Ate', was it? He had little knowledge on their machinations, but such a description can hardly mean anything pleasent. "Miss Haila? Any trace of what she may be describing?" He questioned, turning to their resident expert.

Aislinn tensed as she stared at Altani. So that's where G'lewra had gone. Rushing headlong after Vanriri. She shot a glance to Haila, recalling the dissection they had previously performed. "Wonder if that's what the thing's blasted cavity is for. Hauling people."

"I wouldn't put it past it's design. Who knows, maybe one of Dellont's projects for the future was to design a creature that could carry the injured back into safety like that.." Haila then shook her head some, clearly the woman had disdain for all these machinations. "How twisted can something get from it's original intention? But then again, it wouldn't have any Allagan in it if didn't do that..."

N'yami's tail tip flicked and her eyes narrowed into slits, the corner of her mouth twitched as if wanting to curl into a snarl but she controlled herself. She wasn't mad at the Viera but mad that the allagan bastards had taken those precious to her.

"They're eatin' folks now? Wern't they jus'..." Rising Lotus twirled her hand around as she tried to remember "Drainin' em before?" she shifted a bit at the thought of being eaten by one of those things, shuddering a bit.

"They were probably secured after being stunned." Haila explained as she heard her name being called, then glanced over to Altani. "Did they all fall in combat? Or was something shot akin to a lightning shard that made them fall and unable to move? Or did you see anything like I described?"

"Mayhaps it is a method of entrapment, Lady Lotus. A means to save them for a later date?" Mivo'to offered.

"I 'spose they are spiders...sorta...an' real ones do that too, web 'em up an' all." Rising Lotus replied.

"I can only fathom why - Least they are in need of a sudden surge of aether." Mivo'to paused, a chill creeping upon his neck as a shudder passed over his shoulders, head shaking to and fro as he turned centerward. "I would rather not ponder the possibilities of such a cause..."

Alexi tensed as soon as he heard M'shara's name. His lips peeled back slightly and every exhale of breath carried the low rumble of a growl. His gaze flicked between Altani and Haila. "Took them? Took them where?"

Altani nodded softly at Halia "They seemed to be uh...sleepin I guess, was to busy running and all to look...but uh...they were headed for Coerthas...n-now that im im thinkin about it..." She shook her head for a moment "W-well...honestly think its was a trap...soon as we found Vanriri they were on us..." She cursed herself, in hindsight it seemed so obvious to her that it was some sort of trap she'd done similar in the past now she was falling for the same trick.

Haila nodded once more, then looked down at the ground for a few moments. Where to even start? First, she looked up at Alexi, the one who probably needed the most answers now. "So the team that G'lewra assembled a bit recklessly didn't go too well... As far as we know, those creatures prey on any that have a gift for magic. So no doubt they had a field day.." she told him before looking back over to the group. "I won't bash G'lewra for going off like this, she must have had a plan to be tracked---at least... But are we all in agreement that no groups will be formed to go after them unless we have a clear countermeasure to their stun shots and the hordes in which they come?"

Mivo'to pursed a bottom lip, fangs pressing softly into its purplish flesh. It was clear the Miqo'te was in thought, off-colored eyes raging with one another as Haila's words echoed upon his pointed ears. Sit back? How could they? Every hour, every minute might very well stand as the last, a fate let pass. "I doubt we can sit idly by. I have no intention of rushing headlong, but surely there are measures that can be taken now - Learn our enemy's weakness, locate where our friends are kept."

"It does seem out of character for her, to be so reckless." Aislinn allowed. She didn't really need time to consider Haila's words, to her mind it was just logical. She nodded in agreement with the Viera. "I think that only makes sense." she turned her attention to Mivo'to. "Most of us recall rushing headlong into a fight not too long ago with no idea what we were dealing with. We'll work fast, but we need a plan." she told him.

Rising Lotus nodded, as much as she was generally all for jumping head first into danger, a whole swarm of was a bit out of her comfort zone, and Haila knew what she was talking afterall. "Before they only went after folks that used uh, healin' magic right? Or mostly seemed, so does that mean they've gotten a bigger...appetite?

Alexi calmed somewhat as Haila gave him her brief explanation, his fangs retracted though that growl in his tone of voice persisted. He gave a slight nod to Haila. "Agreed. We wouldn't want to walk into another trap..." he said, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly. "Though I WILL be assisting in the rescue effort. And anything else I can do to help prepare, I will."

N'yami kept her mouth shut as she listened but not only was her mother taken but so were her friends, her tail flicked behind her as plans started form in her head and what she could possibly do to save those that were taken. She would need to go track down her husband after this.

"We won't stand idly no, but at least it would be better to have countermeasures. At least a suit that is impervious to their stuns or a disruptor of the signal they all exchange." Haila commented, looking over to the Miqo'te. "If no one was drained of their aether there and then like the bodies reported around Coerthas, we can assume everyone that was taken is needed alive at the very least."

Altani stayed silent for a few moments as she recalled what all had happened, she then recalled something G'lewra had said "They did somethin odd, they just ignored me, as if I was a rock in the middle of a river they just went around me, even if I was fightin think its the only reason im here right now...but Lewra said it was my lack of mis-er Aether...?" She didn't seem so sure of herself as she finished speaking "Maybe...could send some of us...non spell casters lovers in to scout around...?"

Mivo'to offered a silent glance upon the room, an idle hand draping free of his chest, and upon his hilt, squeezing upon its worn, sturdy pommel. "Would it be unfounded to say your previous specimen has provided all it may, Lady Haila? Such a scouting party could also look to procuring another - Preferably intact."

"If that's the case, that they just flat out ignore those with lower registers of aether, then that might be best." Aislinn sighed. "As it is, I only have one aether dampener prototype ready to go."

"It's...given me quite a lot of data yes. We currently have three in our posession, two that I've almost finished fixing, and one intact. But they're all rather small." Haila informed them. At Aislinn's new information though, she glanced between her and Mivo'to. "While I would be opposed to you trying to find one by yourself given that you can be a target for them as well Mivo.. If you had a way of cloaking some of your aether, that would change things. A medium sized one would come in handy right now. Even if to establish a stronger connection to their base."

"How do you capture such things, aside from jus' smashin' 'em. Is there some way to jus' turn them off?" Rising Lotus asked.

Mivo'to trailed his gaze between the studious Haila and Aislinn, a faint hum occupying his throat. One, two, three blinks before he parted his lips, a rush of air passing between them. "Have you any means of baiting such contraptions out?" He questioned, furthering a nod to Rising's own inquiry.

N'yami raised her hand. "Can use me as bait." She said speaking up for the first time since the meeting started. "I have a lot of aether but it's not exactly aether they'd want to get their hands on."

Aislinn considered that a moment. "I would think a large discharge of aether in the area of Coerthas we know them to be should do it." she mused. "If the party is made up of those of a less magical bent, crystals might work." she stopped and looked over at N'yami. "Ahh...even better."

"As far as I'm concerned... Only aether draws them out, and they seem to be expanding territory too. Unles..." Haila trailed off, ears perking at a reckless idea that didn't seem too bad anymore. "Unless you use the smallest spider in our posession to send a signal to bring in a bigger one. You'd need to be aware of where their territory ends, but it could work. As for disabling them, while I don't have full access to this scientist's signals, the core is allagan, faking a signal from their original creators could work."

Haila glanced over to the volunteer for baiting. Her gaze softened a bit with a glint of worry. "You must be G'lewra's daughter right?... If only our reasons to meet were brighter than this..."

"An' if that don't work at least we could jus' break it's legs off, probably not too much important in those right?" Rising Lotus nodded confidently at her idea, cocking her head a bit as she thought it through a bit more. "..Though they could probably still call for it's friends if the main part is still squirmin'. Only if the first part don't work then."

Altani got a rather dumb idea but she spoke up anyway "Could get a uh, cage split it in half stick on of you in one side and the spider thing in then other? Dunno how strong the cage would have to be though." Alt shrugged lightly glancing around the room "Dunno about the things calling for its friends though...suppose just have to be faster then them? Or could bring a carriage?"

Alexi was doing his best to follow along, just listening to what the others were proposing. "Hm... if you already have specimins, broken or not, why do you need another? How will it get us into their lair to free the others?"

"'Twoud be a swift operation, nary a Ilm for failure. It would serve well if both our 'bait' and our poacher be familiar with Coerthea's terran - Or, at the very least, capable of quickly traversing the snow." Mivo'to openly pondered, flickering his attention to Altani. "Aye, holding a party in reserve would be in good order - Provide a swift getaway, and ensure the path is clear." The Keeper agreed.

"Probably wonderin' how in the hells someone so gentle and well spoken ended up with me as a kid." N'yami sighed softly to more or less collect her thoughts. "But yea, I'm her daughter, but from what you and the Old man has said these things detect aether and they go for ones with large amounts of it. If I can get a decent sized one to come after me I should be able to lock it down."

Haila nodded towards N'yami, "Aye, that would be of great help." she said to her before turning over to Alexi. "Because I need a bigger one to test their abilities... And because I may be able to snatch more data from their creator from here already." she explained, clearly reluctant as she stepped forward and opened up her strange tome as she set it down in the middle of the room. Holograms and formulas coming to life as very blurry images started to project among a constant flickering. The images in question being brief sights of doors and tubes, yet their contents were too blurred to see, one would say it wasn't even enough to call it proof of their friend's whereabouts. "I managed to get this from the smaller ones, but I can't clear the images or any recordings yet... There's also unfinished words encrypted, but I need more data to decipher them."

Alexi stepped closer as the display lit up, resting his hands on the back of the sofa and leaning forward to try and see better. He breathed a sigh as it all seemed to sink in. "Apologies, this is all quite new to me... So, we don't even know where they've been taken, other than somewhere in Coerthus?"

As Aislinn watched the flickering images a furrow formed between her brows. She couldn't be sure of what it was she was looking at. "Are these...visual recordings from the bioweapons? ...spiders. Old footage of their return point?"

Rising Lotus watched all the information float around, eyes darting around from image to image but not really understanding much of it.

"I'd say recordings, or images exchanged with the other ones. But we might be able to see where they go if we snatch a more intact and bigger one. Their signal reaches so far that even from here I can catch small bits of it. But yes, all we know so far is that it's somewhere in Coerthas, and a tad deep into that land at that." Haila said.

Alexi takes another deep breath and lets it out slowly to try and calm himself. As much as he wished it wasn't so, this plan was their only chance. "Sorry to interupt. My worry seems to be getting the better of me. Please, continue."

Altani squinted at the floating images, not really being able to make much sense of any of it she simply listened along whatever it was from the sounds of it it was promising, trying to not let herself fall asleep as her exhaustion caught up with her

Mivo'to trailed his eyes through the rough visuals, lips parting in a silent murmur, seemingly in a deep reflection with himself as he made note of what he may - Which, admittedly, was hardly much.

Aislinn nodded. "Alright, so if I'm understanding this, we need another one of those bioweap...spiders in order to collect more data and pinpoint where our members were taken. Then, the plan is to send in a team made up of non-spell casters on a rescue mission?" she asked for clarification. Just to be sure she was following all of this. Admittedly, she hadn't been her best lately.

"You've all the right to feel like that. I just wish I had more answers for now. But the images I got are very little right now." Haila said, nodding once as she waved her hand at the images, some of the clearer ones coming into view. There was a clear vision of a snake in one, and another one showed wings, and then a random scalekin that you could find anywhere in the land. "Tis the plan I can offer, at least for now. Lest I choose a more reckless option."

Aislinn made a low, uneasy noise in the back of her throat. "Well, let's try not so reckless first."

"I doubt we are short of volunteers for our first undertaking...Tis only a matter of who we choose to send." Mivo'to said.

Rising Lotus looked to Aisllinn "An' like you said, we only got one uh...anti...magic...thing, that we can use. Shouldn't be too hard to choose the non-magic folks, it's jus' that one we need to be considerin' a bit more."

"It wouldn't hurt to have a backup group watching over those that go and try to bait too..." Haila added

"Of course, I volunteer. Aside from ammunition imbuement, I've little in the way of aetheric skills or magick." Alexi spoke up.

Aislinn looked over at Rising. "Aye. Just the one. And like anything having to do with aether, it comes with a price. Can't get something for nothing. In this case, it'll dampen a person's signature but in return casting anything is that much harder. Like wearing weights." she paused. "But if it's needed, we have it."

"So you or N'yami could do it then..." Haila said, trailing off.

"Makes sense...Jus' like usin' armor I guess." Rising turned her attention back to Haila. "I can help out too, I'm used to travelin' over there, an' I ain't ever really done much magic ever."

Mivo'to curled his digits across the hilt of his blade, a rhythmic 'slip' sounding as he idly removed and insert the blade from its sheath. "Should you be in need of a soul to physically render the target null, I would like to volunteer. Familiar enough with those snow-touched wastes to make a swift departure."

Haila glanced between the two new volunteers. "That would be good then.. I'll have a device ready to try and disable the spider, at least on a small scale. I doubt it is possible to down the whole horde unless it's a direct command from their creator." she sighed. "I wished I could be of help there, but all I can do is give the tools. Lest we give that mad man more reasons to toy with Heartwood." "Probably goes without sayin, but well I can help, figure I can just scout around or whatever's needed, done a few jobs in the area so I’m a little familiar." Altani said.

"You also were the last person that saw how far they've reached into the Shroud if I'm not wrong. Drawing a small map of the route G'lewra's group did could help, as well as noting down where any report of dead bodies has taken place." Haila noted as she nodded once more. "I won't accompany you, so I believe you all who wish to go should decide on the roles each one will play. All that I ask is that no one is reckless and to withdraw immediately if more than one spider shows up."

"We've a plan, and we have our players." Mivo'to said, a previously lost spark returning to their tone as they lifted their arms, a closed fist punching into an open palm. "Let's get our girls."

Haila couldn't help but smirk a bit. "Aye, time to get everyone back safe and sound."

Alexi grunted and gave a nod to Mivo'to, then looked around to the others. "Agreed. Our friends must come home."

Rising Lotus grinned at Mivo's enthusiasm. "Aye, we'll get them back in no time, an' squash any of them things that stand in our way!"

"But I do get the ok if a large group of those spider things come that I get to at least blow up a few, yea? Don't worry I'll make sure the large one stays safe." N'yami asked.

"As long as you don't let them overwhelm you. Or get anywhere close enough to shoot a stun bullet at you, I won't complain. A whole horde coming at you isn't pretty, and I wouldn't doubt that the man behind this would still go for someone with aether related to one of his captives."

"Might be smart to have someone high up watching over everything, so if a horde of em shows we know before theyre all over us." Altani said.

Aislinn gave a single nod of her head. She turned to pass N'yami a look over her shoulder. "Before you go, the prototype is on your mother's desk." her gaze faltered a moment. "Just... cuff it to your wrist. The stone will take care of the rest."

N'yami offered a small nod. "I'll be sure to grab it, if any of ya need me I'll be in my shop off in the Goblet."

"When do we leave? Tonight? First thing come morning?" Alexi asked, eager to get moving.

"I'd say first thing in the morning. Give Altani some time to rest at least." Haila said, nodding towards the half dozing Viera. "The quicker the better, but as always, don't rush in, that goes for everyone involved."

"Agreed." Aislinn added firmly.

"Plenty an hour for rest - With such an undertaking, I would do well we all approach as alert as we may be. Our present optimism can turn head in a mere moment." Mivo'to nodded.

Alexi gave a nod and a grunt. "Then I'll be staying here to be as prepared as I can be for the morning."

Haila nodded "There's a few guestrooms open, and more than enough supplies to stock up on before leaving."

"If no one has much to share, I'd say we're set for now. I may need to find an extra hand on Allagan work though if anyone has any good contacts to put to use..."

"I can take ya to the Old Man one of these suns, he's been workin' on one of those spiders as well and he's been researchin' allagan for gods knows how long." N'yami offered.

Haila Wetyios blinked in surprise. "Please do... Two or three heads are better than one, especially when this is getting more and more personal with each loss."

If Altani had much to say she wasnt going to be saying much as she slumped over on the couch a low snore could be heard as she dozed off.

"Pray, if I may trouble you for your notes later this evening, Lady Haila. I would much prefer to know the workings of a contraption I will be so 'intimately' close to." Mivo'to asked.

Haila nodded, "I'll be sure to pass them onto you as soon as I can."

Alexi huffed out a breath. "If that's it then, I'm going to retire for the evening. I'll be in one of the guest rooms if anyone wants to go over strategy."

Mivo'to nodded, adjusting his coat. "May Twelve grant you their blessing - Heavens know we will be needing it."

N'yami pushed herself off the wall and gave a small stretch. "I'm gonna head back to the Goblet, if any of ya need weapons to pierce through the metal those things are made of give me a call and I'll work on somethin' for ya."

Rising Lotus looked to be mulling something over during the tail end of their meeting, but seemed to shake off whatever she was thinking of. "Tomorrow then, spider catchin'. Spose I ought to make suer everything is in workin' order."

Alexi quirked a brow at N'yami. "Are their hides any tougher than Garlean steel? Because I have no problem with that."

N'yami grinned. "In my shop there is, ya wanna come to the shop? I got extra beds so ya can crash there if ya like and we can work on somethin' for ya."

As the others worked out the details of their plan of attack, Aislinn rose from her seat. They appeared to have it from here and she still wasn't 100%. She needed to find some rest. "Just...try to all come back in one piece. Aside from the obvious reasons, of not wanting to lose another person, the clinic is short-staffed." she said as she made her way out. "Be safe."

Mivo'to lifted the Panda of his shoulder by its scruff, setting it beside his boots. "Pray, should any update arise, reach for my shell - I shant be but a hour's travel away." He spoke, drifting from the study.

N'yami offered a small wave. "Take care and get some rest."

Alexi nodded to N'yami, the first hint of a smile cracking the corners of his mouth. "Sounds like a much better option. Lead the way."

Rising Lotus started her way off. "See ya'll tomorrow then, I'll should be up in time otherwise jus' come get me."

#ffxiv rp #balmung rp #ffxiv crystal rp #Heartwood Ventures #Heartwood plots #Primary Access Required #n'yami synch #Altani Misair #Haila Wetyios #Mivo'to Laaski #Alexi Grenasch #Rising Lotus #Aislinn North

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low-budget-korra · 4 years

Text

The Last of Us part II - SPOILER

Well, I read a lot of comments about Joel's death, coming from people who are just genuinely upset about losing a beloved character. So I decided to write about why I don’t agree with the argument that death was just shock value or weak storytelling/plot

First let's remember the universe in which the game takes place. It is a violent world. Shall we remember how other prominent characters died?

Sarah - A girl, a child who died in her father's arms. I will comment more on it later

Tess - Infected and shot dead off camera

Henry and Sam - Sam is infected and killed by his older brother Henry, who kills himself soon after

David - Ellie breaks his face with the machete in one of the most hard to watch scenes from the first game

Marlene - Killed in cold blood by Joel

Some unimportant characters who were also killed in a violent way in cold blood like the two guys that Joel tortured and killed, and David's friend that Ellie also killed

But what about The Last of Us part II?

Joel - Tortured and killed

Scar Face guy - Dead with a stab to the neck

Nora - Infected, tortured and killed by Ellie (ps: or ellie may also have "just" tortured her and left her to die)

Owen - Murder

Mel - Pregnant and murdered

Manny - Murdered

Jesse - Murdered

Yara - Her arm is broken with a hammer, she is stabbed and shot to death many times

Did you notice something in common that is repeated in both games? Well, the uncommon in that world must be more peaceful deaths like dying of old age and not the violent ones.

And it is worth mentioning that this violence does not forgive anyone, it can be a creep son of a bitch like David or an innocent child like Sarah. It is, in fact, a merciless world.

Well, let me start commenting on Sarah again. Her death was a shock to most of the people who played or saw the walktho of the first game and we can say that this is one of the factors that leads to the end where we had Joel rescuing Ellie from the hospital after already saw her as his daughter.

Let's not forget also that it is implied in the first game that Joel had to do a lot to survive, would he have done everything the same if Sarah hadn't died on the day of the outbreak? Difficult to say but I believe that not, losing her daughter that way destroyed Joel and certainly made him a tougher person. For example, for sure the time he tortures the guys there to find out where Ellie was taken wasn't the first time he did it. Oh and I'm not judging.

So it can be said that Sarah, her death was one of the things that led us to meet the Joel that we saw 20 years after the outbreak in the first game? Yes.

Can we also say that her death was shock value, to show the player the tone of the game? Yes, although I don't agree with whoever thinks that.

And I do not agree precisely because her death had real consequences for the protagonist, it was important in terms of storytelling and it was not just there to shock the audience and show that TLOU was a really heavy game.

The same goes for Joel's death.

Do you think that if Joel had died a more "peacefull" death as an infected or a "simple" shot to the head, it would have the impact it had for Ellie? Do not forget that Ellie has ptsd to have witnessed this. And her obsession with revenge also highlights the weight that witnessing that had on her psychological.

In a bizarre way Joel's death was a consequence of his own actions. If he had not killed the surgeon, Abby would not have felt this overwhelming loss that Ellie would experience years later and thus would not seek revenge as obsessively as Ellie does later.

Ah but Joel killed everyone in the hospital to save Ellie. Understandable but even so, it does not free him from the consequences of that

Do you want an example of shock value? Just look at the entire eighth and final season of Game of Thrones where they did a lot of nonsense just for "subvert expectations". Had it felt right that Arya was the one to ki the night king?No. Had it felt right Jaime had thrown off all the development from past seasons and run into Cersei's arms? No. Did it feel right Dany goinging crazy in the penultimate episode?No.

But why not? Because the show had seasons to establish that Jon Snow would kill the night king since his entire arc was there in the north. Develop Jaime's character, taking him out of Cersei's influence. Dany is always treated like someone who is merciful, the breaker of chains...

Now seriously, this looks like Joel's death?

"ah, but he was acting different, he was out of character" you guys did notice How much Ellie changed him? After Ellie, Joel becomes someone more "peacefull"and nice to others. Thats why he helps Abby and also cuz he was not alone and because the're infecteds run after them so they didnt have much of a choice. It was a mistake in a world where this is equal to death.

A violent, brutal and unfair death but totally consistent in a world where we see this a lot during gameplay and a direct consequence of the character's actions in the previous game or a violent death taken out of nowhere just to surprise us?

Okay, I know how hard it is to overcome the death of a character we love, I still get upset when I remember Lexa from The 100 or Xena or the Red Wedding in GOT ... actually the red wedding, is yet another example of brutal death but totally in agree with the world in which got set and also a direct consequence of the actions of certain characters.

I focused in Joel's death because is the most controversial thing of the game. Even tho a huge part of the fandom were already predicting his death and making all those theorys about It. And even tho we are all expecting Dina's death to be the Ellie's arc and we are all ok with Dina's character be only that: an fuel to Ellie action or wherever.

This ended up bigger than i expeced and i still dont coment about other important parts of the game. But i will do it soon

Anyway, the thing is don't let that feeling of upset for Joel make you be unfair with a game so well done in praticaly every way possible. A game that even tho it will be easy for them just put a lot of fan services, they didnt. A game that dares to instill compassion and debates in times like ours.

And Just... If you didnt like the game is okay, just is not because thinks ended up different than you expected that means the game is bad or something like that

#the last of us part II #the last of us #tlou2 #tlou #ellie #joel #naughty dog #dina #got #game of thrones

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kunoichi-ume · 4 years

Note

For the WIP sampler: while I'm curious about Noara's death, I'd much rather hear about her adventures!

Send me an ask with the title that most intrigues you and interests you and I’ll post a little snippet of it or tell you something about it!

Sure you don’t wanna hear about Noara dying? About Torian getting there just in time to be too late to save her, but early enough to get to say goodbye? To say an edited version of the Mandalorian wedding vows because even if she doesnt know it he won’t make her lie to him (about raising children together I mean)? About Noara asking if now she can sleep, just for a moment, and Torian knows it will be longer?

No? Okay.

Actually writing her dying at all was a writing exersize that @cinlat sort of dared me to do, sort of a “you never know your character until you put them through ALLLLLL the hell” thing cause I don’t really plan to kill Noara. (Sith Noara however... her days are numbered.)

Noara’s adventure log started when I felt I didn’t really know Noara well enough to keep writing I’ve Got You and was kicking myself for starting the fic so far into the canon story so she wouldn’t be able to grow through her experiences as I worked on her (instead she had to be a finished product and that was bugging me so much!) so I started on Tython and getting into her head from the start.

Have a couple snippets, cause the start of this post was rude I know. They are a bit on the long side, but other than @cinlat who I am pretty sure I shared this doc with, odds are no one else will see this fic if and when I pick it up again because it was more character study than anything but damn if I didnt have fun with it.

Noara’s thoughts as she arrives on Tython to start her trials:

This was the farthest from home she had ever been, not counting wherever she had been before the Jedi brought her to the enclave she’d been raised in. Now she’d left the only home she’d ever known to prove her worth and, hopefully, pass her trials. If she didn’t her dreams of traveling the galaxy and helping people would be gone. She’d be stuck in a research position or raising crops or something else equally unfulfilling even if she understood the necessity of it.

Failure wasn’t an option, not for Noara.

If all the times she had snuck out of her academic classes were any indication, she wouldn’t enjoy life as a scholar.

And the first time she takes a life, even if it’s a Flesh Raider determined to kill her is a big moment for her too:

Noara followed the rock formations, giving her on side where an ambush was less likely, and rounded a corner to see exactly what she had worried she might when she heard their name. Three of the reddish-pink rough skinned creatures crouched on the ground feasting on dead bodies. To make it worse two of the bodies were Jedi and one was their own kind. Flesh eaters and cannibals. That image was going to stick with.her.

Adjusting her grip on her sabers, wishing she had weapons as real as this fight was going to be, she stepped around the rocks and crouched slightly. Pulling the Force around her, she leapt, propelling herself the considerable distance between her and the Flesh Raiders. They reared up as she landed, one coming at her with a training saber it probably stole off one of the dead Padawans, while the other two drew blasters.

Reacting quickly, she blocked the first Flesh Raiders first strike before Force pushing it away to buy her time to deal with the other two. As it stumbled away, she slashed her blades at the two firing at her. They knew how to use the blasters, but their aim was horrendous. They hadn’t had these weapons long and she was easily able to sidestep their shots and cut each across the chest with the electrified edges of her blades.

The creatures cried out, horribly gargled sounds by their misshapen mouths, as they fell. An angry cry behind her reminded Noara of the third Flesh Raider and she turned just in time to block a strike aimed at her skull. Before the beast could react to her quick movement, she stabbed it through the gut with her other weapon.

It fell, dead, at her feet and Noara had to yank her training saber out of it’s ribcage where it had gotten lodged. She turned her sabers off and frowned at the blood, a sickly brown color, that clung to them. She wanted to clean them but had a feeling this wouldn't be her last fight and that it would be a wasted effort.

It wasn’t until the smell hit her that what she had just done really sank in. She’d killed them, hadn’t even hesitated. Noara waited for the regret, the sickening guilt her masters had told her would accompany every life she took, but it didn’t come. Just relief that it was them lying on the ground and not her and the familiar thrill she always felt when sparring. She’d assumed that it would be different in a real fight, that it would be less exciting to win when it meant something else died but it wasn’t.

That thought scared her, because she knew how it sounded. It went against everything Jedi stood for and were taught. Taking a deep breath, she pushed all of that away to meditate on later. She was in a dangerous situation and there were other Padawans depending on her.

And younger Noara might just have an attitude problem, but ya gotta admit the Flesh Raider problem on Tython was seriously mismanaged...

When Noara answered her com a small image of Knight Weller, bending down to brace a wound on his leg, appeared. He looked her image over in relief. “You’re unharmed, good. A Flesh Raider shot me in the leg while I was rescuing some Padawans. No idea where they got blasters, but they know how to use them. I’ve been evacuated to a medcenter but the fighting isn’t over.”

Noara sighed but bit back the comment she wanted to make. For a planet that should be full of some of the galaxy's best warriors they were pretty bad at crisis management. “Will there be reinforcements coming? I’m up to my neck in monsters here.”

Weller nodded. “Some are already there, but they keep pouring in. We need to stop them at the source. Padawan Unaw Aharo found a cave the Flesh Raiders tunneled through to get into the valley. I need you to go and make sure they don’t get more reinforcements through it.”

Noara closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Her patience was wearing thin, the handling of this situation left much to be desired and her understanding was that all Jedi on Tython were meant to be taking their trials. How any could be at that point and defenseless was beyond her. As far as she had seen, she was the only competent warrior on the whole planet but she wasn’t near arrogant enough to think she could take on every Flesh Raider out there on her own. “I don’t know how much I can do on my own, but I’ll do whatever I can to push them back and see if there is a way to seal the tunnel.”

“You won’t be alone for long,” Weller reassured her. “Master Orgus Din is on his way as well. We need to end this conflict before anyone else gets hurt. Find the cave along the east mountain ridge. May the Force be with you.”

His image winked out of sight and she huffed in annoyance. It had been a few hours since she had been sent into the field to fight the invaders and they were finally sending a member of the council to come help? What were the Jedi Masters doing while Padawans were being captured and killed? So far all she had learned on Tython was that she was lucky to have finished her combat training on Naboo before making the journey, being sent here without it could have been akin to a death sentence.

Master Doran had warned her the trials would be difficult when he tried to talk her into putting them off until she was a little older, but somehow Noara didn’t think this was what he meant.

And then her day just gets worse and worse when she gets to the cave and has to face the rogue Jedi commanding the Flesh Raiders:

The rogue Jedi lunged at her, swinging his lightsaber toward her neck.

Noara just managed to dodge the blow, stepping quickly back. The second swing she caught with one of her training sabers, the blue energy blade crackling against the metal.

“You think to defeat me with those toys?” He laughed, pushing her back with his superior strength and leaving marks in the ground where Noara tried to keep her footing. When most of his weight was committed to pushing her, she dropped to the ground, ducking under his arm and slipping behind him as he stumbled past her.

Using a move Master Doran always called reckless, she leapt into the air. Using the Force she propelled herself across the cavern to where his Flesh Raider backup was. Noara knew that if she wanted a glimmer of a chance to get out of here alive, she couldn’t face all three of them at once. Landing between them, Noara pushed the Force in a ring out from her body and knocked both away from her and to the ground. Stunned, neither stirred. She turned just in time to block the rogue Jedi’s attack with her training sabers crossed in front of her. He pressed forward, forcing Noara to step back again.

Obviously he had an advantage in both size and strength over her. She was going to need to be faster and cleverer. Before he could make her step back again, Noara kicked him in the gut. Not letting up when he stepped back, she followed him, pushing his lightsaber away from her with one of her blades and hitting his sword arm as hard as she could with the other. He dropped the saber with a sharp cry.

Noara turned, releasing one of her training sabers to call his weapon to her. Before she caught it he tackled her, his shoulder digging into her gut. As they tumbled to the ground she lost her grip on her other weapon. She was never much of a grappler, her creche mates had often wiped the floor with her in unarmed spars but she had learned enough to know she couldn’t let him pin her. They landed hard on the ground, rolling a few times before he had straddled her waist and punched her in the face.

Lifting her hips off the ground, Noara tried to throw him off but he was too high on her torso for that to work. Leaning forward he pinned her with his weight and wrapped his hands around her throat. Clawing at his fingers, she turned her head back and forth, trying to find a way out of this before remembering she was still armed. Pulling her leg up as close as she could, Noara blindly reached for her boot. Each of her boots had a dagger hidden in a discrete sheath inside the boot.

Noara’s chest was on fire as she gasped for air and her vision was starting to dim. Reaching out to the Force for strength, she managed to grab the dagger’s hilt and pull it out of her boot. Without hesitation she stabbed him, driving the dagger into his side. He cried out in pain, releasing her neck and she was able to breath again. She ripped the dagger out of his flesh as he fell off of her. Running on pure adrenaline she followed him, burying the bloodied dagger hilt deep into his chest.

Blood gushed around her hand and when he coughed it left bloody spots all over his face. “Killing me changes nothing,” he gasped wetly, “long live the new order.” The rogue Jedi took another gurgling breath before going limp under her and she felt his life force fading.

Pushing herself away from his corpse, Noara tried to breathe through the pain in her chest and throat.

“Look out!” Aharo cried, making Noara turn her head just in time to see the two forgotten Flesh Raiders approaching her.

The dagger was still in the dead man’s chest but she spotted the lightsaber lying on the ground. She pulled it to her hand, activated it and threw it at them. With the Force she controlled it’s trajectory to strike them both. The Flesh Raiders fell to the floor, making similar death rattles to the ones she had heard all day.

For a moment Noara didn’t move, leaning on her hand to keep herself upright while she waited for the next attack. When it didn’t come she slumped on the ground let out a shaky breath. Aharo, holding his gut, limped over to her.

“That was amazing, I thought we were dead for sure,” he said, dropping to his knees next to her. “Are you alright?”

Noara nodded where she lay. “Yeah, I think so.”

#wip snippet game #oc: Noara Starspark #storyknitter

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thehighestmountains · 3 years

Text

evermore review and ranking:

overall, i found this album to have more skippable songs than folklore and the middle of my ranking definitely feels like the middle whereas in my folklore ranking, #14 was still a fav. folklore was a true anomaly where i was just adding the whole album to my playlist. evermore really feels like folklore’s little sister getting the hand-me-downs, who just doesnt know who she is or what shes doing with her life, what is the theme exactly.

tis the damn season. i fell in love in the first five seconds. i love the moody mature guitar strums and drum beats amping up the entire song. the story of coming back to an old love in your hometown reminds me of the show ‘the normal people’. im a real sucker for sagas, timeless loves that pull you in time and time again, familiar feelings that just feel right because you experienced them at such a young age. this song gets me.

There's an ache in you, put there by the ache in me But if it's all the same to you It's the same to me

So we could call it even You could call me "babe" for the weekend 'Tis the damn season, write this down

Sleep in half the day just for old times' sake I won't ask you to wait if you don't ask me to stay So I'll go back to L.A. and the so-called friends

long story short. this is such a banger r u joking. i feel every single one of my blood cells pumping as soon as this song starts. i even love the post-chorus, a great break from the chorus and the verses. i could post the whole song as my favorite lines.

And you passed right by I was in the alley, surrounded on all sides The knife cuts both ways If the shoe fits, walk in it 'til your high heels breakAnd I fell from the pedestal Right down the rabbit hole Long story short, it was a bad time When I dropped my sword I threw it in the bushes and knocked on your door And we live in peace But if someone comes at us, this time, I'm ready

ivy. hard not to compare this to illicit affairs, but this is like an upbeat version. if i didnt even pay attention to the lyrics, i would think this is so fun and catchy, it sounds good. there is no anger, there is a joy. and i just like it.

Oh, goddamn My pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand Taking mine, but it's been promised to another Oh, I can't Stop you putting roots in my dreamland My house of stone, your ivy grows And now I'm covered in you So yeah, it's a fire It's a goddamn blaze in the dark And you started it

willow. im really glad this was the leading single because this is a beautiful stringy piece with a great melody. when i was reading the lyrics before listening to the song, it sounded extremely cheesy with “thats my man”, “i come back stronger than a 90s trend”, but in the song, i love it. theres a lot of heart and oompf to this.

And if it was an open-shut case I never would've known from that look on your face Lost in your current like a priceless wine

The more that you say, the less I know Wherever you stray, I follow

coney island. i wonder why she picked coney island, a very summery location with the bright lines and merry go, when the whole album is supposed to be a winterscape. i barely understand what this song is about but i enjoy the sounds.

Did I close my fist around something delicate? Did I shatter you?

evermore. i love when justin vernon starts singing with that beautiful falsetto “cant not think of all the cost and the things that will be lost”.

Or the violence of the dog days I'm on waves, out being tossed

champagne problems. before i get into this, i like this song, im impressed with the bridge and the chorus, i enjoy the story. just a small thing: title phrase. i just dont vibe with it, the rest of the lyrics couldve been more connected with champagne, i dont believe champagne to be any alcoholic’s choice of drink. and one more nitpick, who likes that random piano mash at the end, anyone?

Your mom's ring in your pocket My picture in your wallet Your heart was glass, I dropped it

One for the money, two for the show I never was ready so I watch you go Sometimes you just don't know the answer 'Til someone's on their knees and asks you

tolerate it - this is a good mellow song, i can relate to the deep sadness of feeling ignored, every thing you do is just dropped. i feel this could grow on me, especially because at the end we really get that jolt of energy, i can leave, i can do it.

I wait by the door like I'm just a kid Use my best colors for your portrait

gold rush. this song is a little too sweet for me, specifically “i dont need a gold rush gold rush”. its just an upbeat and repetitive pop song. i also find this specific high school energy of really wanting someone but also despising their appeal to just not relate to the headspace im currently in.

no body no crime. whoooa that blast of country. it kind of feels weird in this album. i think the chorus is incredibly boring, “i think he did it but i just cant prove it” over and over.

No, no body, no crime But I ain't lettin' up until the day I die

closure. i cant get over the constant banging of industrial pots and pans throughout this whole song lol. i really went back and forth between do i like this, no i hate it, ok i could get used to it, no no it doesnt fit with the lyrics and how shes singing. i also dont care for “yes i got your letter, yes im doing better”.

we have a large pile of songs at the bottom, they all mush together in a sad corner. these could maybe grow on me but i also would be fine never listening to them again. with folklore’s sad songs, like epiphany or my tears ricochet, there was still something that appealed to me. most of these, there just isnt anything.

happiness - similar to tolerate it, i think the lyrics carry and convey a specific feeling very well, i have definitely felt this way, but i dont feel like the instrumentals match her emotional singing. i think she really carries this song and the instruments just let me down.

No one teaches you what to do When a good man hurts you And you know you hurt him too

marjorie - i feel like a song about her grandmother could have been so great instead we get “what died didnt stay dead” over and over and a bridge that is mostly about herself. “shouldve kept every grocery store receipt cause every scrap of you would be taken from me” is the worst of the lines, thats what you want to keep? grocery receipts? the song should be about her grandmother leaving all her “backlogged dreams” to her, and im not getting much of that.

cowboy like me - takes one... to... know... one...... this song does not embody the type of cowboy shes talking about, perhaps a 80 year old woman singing about her tendencies to run away. im not convinced taylor is singing from a place she understands enough about. my least favorite line in the album goes to “the tennis court was covered up with some tent-like thing”. tent like thing? lol ok. although i will say one of my favorite lines is “forever is the sweetest con”, but that gem cannot save this song.

dorothea - this is the worst version of seven from folklore. its about ten times less interesting, very bare bones, hardly any story or background information. i dont particularly like the name dorothea. giving me major grandma vibes, these last three songs are major grandma vibes.

#evermore #evermore ranking

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death-is-a-new-beginning · 4 years

Text

Hunter x Aryan OC (Ogre x Other Worldly Female)

A/N: Hey my lovelies, it's been a while since I've written anything and I had this idea of some OC's who are just so cute. Let me know if I should keep writing more for these characters.

"You promised." Hunter whispered painfully. A tear slipping from his right obsidian eye, like an avalanche rolling down a mountain, slowly then all at once.

"I know. But this was the only way I could protect you. It had to be me, from the beginning. It was me, and it took so long for me to figure it out." Aryan panted, even though she was in so much pain, she was so relieved, for one more chance to see him before she died.

Hunter did not understand, nor did he want to understand. He was so hurt, he felt so betrayed. If she would have told him, he would have gone with her. He would have followed that woman anywhere if she'd only ask. Aryan knew that, which is why she didn't tell him. She pretended so well, it broke her heart to lie to the only person she trusted in the universe. But she couldnt bare to have him die for her. She would take a billion knives to the gut before she'd even consider telling him to come with her.

"Why? Why did you lie and pretend that everything was fine? I woke up to find the only being I've ever cared about, gone." Hunter's voice was rough like sand paper. To anyone else he sounded harsh and unkind. But Hunter was anything but, Aryan knew that. She smiled and took a long breath.

"I lied about being there when you'd wake up. But every thing else was not a lie. Being with you was the happiest I've ever been. I didnt mind being on the run, it's what I've been doing my whole existence. But there are some things that you can't out run. No matter how hard and how fast you run. It'll always find it's way back to you. I couldn't run anymore, I couldn't let you run with me. I couldn't do that to you of all beings. I disrupted your whole life. The quiet little cottage that was something like a dream. Being there with you, made me greedy, made me want more. I now know why gluttony is a sin, I couldn't get enough of you.

"Your love made me brave. It made me want to stop. Stop running. For the first time I found a reason to want to stay. But in doing so, I had to leave. Funny, isn't it? I finally found my home and I had to leave it, in order to preserve it. I never lied or pretended to love you. You, Hunter of Herathdos, have my heart and soul. We are bound, till the end of the universe." Aryan's eyes grew cloudy, she was slowly slipping from this reality.

"You are right about one thing.We are bound. How do you think I found you?" Hunter anger dissipating, feeling something surge from inside of him. She didnt hear him, her eyes closed wandering the inbetween. Her heartbeat was so faint, Humter couldnt hear it any more.

"Aryan, you and I are one, from the moment I met you until the end of the universe. We are bound. Our lives are intertwined, we cannot live without the other, thus it has been since the beginning of time and thus it will continue on. If one lives the other shall not perish, it has been written, and engraved in our souls. Bound ayn kulknej. Bound are we."

Light and darkness swirled around them encompassing the space and the in between. Aryan's darkness becoming brighter, the inbetween void opening. She could see Hunter, she could hear him calling to her. She wanted to run to him but she was scared. What if it wasnt really over? She didnt want to bring him more pain.

She heard his voice gently call to her, "Come avo alnej, liavavle ni. Come to me little one. Doggog mausan bugd. Hear my call. Gimbel alnej, come kurrauz. Togeavhas. Together."

Before she knew what she was doing, her legs propelled herself in his direction. To the body he held in his large arms. Those words kept repeating like a prayer and before she made it passed the barrier, another voice rang louder than Hunter's.

"You are bound. You've paid your price. Your sacrifice has been noted and accepted in the heavens." Aryan looked around trying to find the source of the voice. Hunter was now gone and so was her body. All she could see was the cosmos.

"You've completed your purpose? What did you learn?" Aryan felt like she was floating but tied by a string that held her grounded.

"I cannot run from who I am and what I've done. I can only accept and find peace. Even if that peace comes from a little cottage in the middle of the woods, wrapped in the arms of my heart and soul. That kind of peace can only truly be found when there is reason to keep it. I felt lost for a long time. A wanderer. Always frightened I would get caught. I then had a reason to stop running from my destiny. I don't think I've completed my purpose, I think I've found my purpose. I completed a chapter and I'm ready to start a new." Aryan said confidently. Wanting to return to Him. Her home.

"Blessed be my child. You've passed this test. Now you'll receive my blessing, you are bounded as long as your souls exist shall you be together until the universe ceases to be. Fulfill your purpose. Half of you shall be with him and half of him shall be with you. Now go."

Aryan felt like she was free falling until she woke up with a start held down by a pair of strong arms she knew so well. She looked around and noticed she was back in the cottage. Hunter was asleep, he could sleep through a war. She lifted his heavy arm and checked her stomach, there was a scar that started near her ribcage to her belly button. It was real she thought. She had died but not really. She had awoken for the first time in her life.

"You're awake." Hunter's rough groggy voice started as he pulled you back into his arms.

"Yes. It would seem so." She murmured awkwardly. If all that happened had been real, then she would have to clear up why she did what she did. She would need to rebuild the trust she'd broken. The trust of an orc is not easy to gain, let a lone the orc she was bound to.

"Good, I was worried I'd been too late. That I called the power of the bond too late. I didn't think it would take this long for you to come back to me." His eyes were closed. He was afraid to look at her, for fear she was not real and just a dream or maybe the ghost of the woman he'd lost. She could feel the fear, smelt the pungent odor enter her nose.

She kissed the space between his eyes. Something only she had done since the night she'd bound herself to him. The fear dissipated into something hopeful, still careful.

"How did we get here?" She asked carefully.

"I think freya brought us home. All I remember, is holding your lifeless body, calling to you, lights and darkness surrounding us. When you didnt wake up, I panicked. I then heard a voice say to take you to our home. That all will be well. I lifter you on to Freya and somewhere between there and here I lost consciousness. When I awoke, your heart was still, you were cold. The voice spoke again, told me to turn a fire and to lay next to you. I - " His voice broke, "I'd almost lost hope and then I heard your heart beat once, strong, and it all went black."

It was silent for a while. They were just taking in that they were both alive and in each others arms. Hunter didn't know if he could bear to ever let her go, anywhere where he was not. Not ever again. She didn't know if she could bear to leave him either, not that she planned to. He was her home. Wherever he was she'd be also.

He still had not opened his eyes, their breaths mixing with each other. The smell of the already dead fire filling the room.

"Hunter, look at me." She said softly. It wasnt a request it was a command. He slowly opened them and her eyes widened. He had one purple eye and one obsidian. Little did she know, her eyes were the perfect opposite.

"Your eyes!" They both said at the same time. Quickly getting up to check the mirror in the bathroom.

Half of you shall be with him and half of him with you. "We are one." They said at the same time. His eyes wandered down her form, she was glowing, he could see her divinity. His eyes rested on the scar from the sword, it was healed but she would always have that scar as a memory of the time she died.

When he met her eyes again, he smiled no hint of anger or betrayal on his face. Just love. He lifted her up, "Together until the universe ceases to be." His lips an inch from hers. She smiled and nodded, "We are one. Til the end of the universe."

Then he kissed her. The way he had always kissed her, like she would disappear, but knowing she'd never be gone. She was his always. He was hers. Their home was each other.

Little did they know, their story was just beginning.

#monster boyfriend #monster boyfriend x reader #monster lover #my ocs #original character #ogre #alternate universe

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anunvalidcritic · 5 years

Text

SPIDER-MAN: INTO THE SPIDER VERSE

MOVIE REVIEW

(DISCLAIMER: MY OPINION IS MY OWN AND CAN BE DEEMED INVALID TO THOSE WHO DON’T CARE FOR IT.)

June 27th, 2019 the year of our Lord (whichever one that may be) I watch a spectacular movie that I can truly say that the awards won were well deserved. Spider-Man was the first superhero I can truly say I looked up too and he’s super duper awesome my dudes. I plan on rewatching the movie again so I can complete this post.

Man, this post is gonna be extremely long but it’s totally worth it!

I FUCKING LOOOVVVEEE THIS INTRO MAAAAAAANNNNN!!

“With great powers come great responsibility” - UNCLE BEN

AHHHHH THEY DID THE SPIDER-MAN 3 DANCE DEAD

YOU’RE MY SUNFLOWER!!!!!!!

The love that his parents give is amazing.

I’m glad to see an ethnic spiderman its dope that he speaks Spanish and English.

I understand that Spider-man is a vigilante

“With accountability comes great accountability“ - JEFFERSON DAVIS

He didn’t have to do MILES like that lol

DEAD THAT CLASS WAS QUIET AF

AYYYEEE THE CITY IS BUMPIN’ TONIGHT!!!!!

LOL MILES needs to get his face off that window.

Ayyee black people really do that stuff with that chill talkin’ being all smooth and shiiii ROFL

OOFFF

AHHH SHIT IT’S GOING DOWN WITH THE GRAFFITI AND THE SPIDER

SPIDER BITE

LMFAO BOOP!

Damn his roommate just loves to study.

That is a lot of sweat tho

“I’M A MAN.“ - MILES

Haircut looks cool though if you ask me.

“EVERYONE KNOWS!” - MILES

“WOAH SHE’S TALL” - MILES

PETER droppin’ bops huh??

OOOO THAT LANDING WAS EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!

That was some freaky shit when that spider glitched though. It kinda turned into a thriller movie for a minute.

DAAAMMMNNN a normal person would be dead

“Stanton Island maybe but not Brooklyn!” - PETER

You better catch him!!!

he better not say you only get one of th…….. AAAHHHHH HE SAID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HE FUCKING SAID IT!!!!!!!!!!

PROWLER got a lot of balls flyin’ up on him like that.

WILSON FISK IS TOOOO FUCKIN’ BIG!!!!!!!

Dang, these glitches remind me of when Vanellelope has hers. (I think her name is spelled wrong but it’s whatever at this point.)

You know whenever people make promises they sometimes are hard to keep.

WTF HE’S BLONDE!!!!!!!! WOAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OH HELL NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS MOTHERFUCKER JUST KILLED… AHHHHHHH

ROFL “Yeah I think it’s a BANKSY.” - BYSTANDER

RIO is the sweetest mom ever.

PETER should not have gone out that way! MAAAAANNNNNN

STAN LEE R.I.P

Boy, you better not jump off that building that black in you bette… LOL, HE TOOK HIS ASS RIGHT BACK DOWN!

damn, he messed up the hard-drive.

Aww, I love that ominous blue and red lighting… good symbolism.

PETER B. PARKER

Spider-Man for the last 22 years

blah blah blah workin’ hard and fallin’ in love

15 years past

buried Aunt May

Split up with MJ

Seahorses mate for life

“Could you image a seahorse seeing another seahorse… and then making it work.” - PETER B PARKER

pizza is life

YEAH, THAT BLONDE SHIT THREW ME FOR A LOOP TOO!

“Adios” - MILES

DAAAMMMNN he didn’t have to do PETER B like that!

“Looks like a child dressed like spider-man dragging a homeless corpse behind a train.” - POLICE OFFICER

Aye, I fuck with the song that was being played through that guy’s headphones even though I don’t even know what it was.

“Why is your body another shape” - MILES damn that’s fucked up

GOOODDDDDAMMMMN THAT GLITCH FUCKED HIM UP!

These fucking sweatpants man

“DON’T PLAY WITH ME.“ - MILES (black people love that line lol)

“You good with that Spider-Man?!“ - MILES

“In my universe, this place closed 6 years ago. I don’t know why.” - PETER B PARKER (Probably because the restaurant has a C rating)

Was lowkey waiting for a roach to crawl across something

I LOVE THIS SONG!

“Spider-Man doesn’t wear a cape.” - MILES (He doesn’t wear sweatpants either)

How tf did WILSON FISK get his BIG ASS INTO THAT CAR?!?!?!

lol his booty jiggled a bit hehehehehe

hold up this chick sound like Jessie from Toy Story…

WOAH either she a freak or she likes pushing people

“And I for one can’t wait to watch.” - DR. OC (WTF DID SHE JUST SAY!!)

LOL, HE HIT ‘EM WITH THE ‘HEY’.

Aww, they’re having a bonding moment!

GWEN STAC(E)Y UP IN THIS BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Last 2 years

Joined a band

Saved her dad

Couldn’t save her PETER PARKER

Doesn’t do friends to save herself feeling.

Oh, we’re getting a little WILSON FISK flashback.

Damn, why is she driving so fast…

Something like that was bound to happen I’m sorry to say.

This dude really got some board shoulders.

SPIDER PEOPLE

Why does PETER B PARKER have on two different types of shoes?

BRUH AUNT MAY CAME FOR HIM!

DAAAANNNGG AUNT MAY THUGGIN’ HUH!?!?!?!?!

TRIGGERED

DEAD AUNT MAY has “HELLO MY NAME IS …” cards

“Wherever I go, the wind follows.” - SPIDER-MAN NOIR

BRUH JOHN MAOULNEY

SPIDER-MAN NOIR

Year: 1933

Job: Private Eye

Likes: Drinking egg creams and fighting Nazis (A LOT)

“Sometimes I let matches burn down to my fingertips just to feel something anything.”

PENI PARKER SPIDER

Year: 3145

Has a psychic link with a spider that lives inside of her father’s robot.

Lost her father

BEST BUDS FOR LIFE

SPIDER-HAM

PETER PORKER

Bitten by a radioactive pig

Photographer for the Daily Beagle

Usually, when he’s not working like a dog he chasing a story

Likes to frolic and dance while doing it in his pants.

SAD FACE EMOJI

if stitch had a glitch lol

PETER B PARKER really puttin’ MILES on blast.

STOP FUCKING CROWDING HIM!!!!!!!!!!!

This movie is back on their spooky ooky shit

Damn only if he knew his uncle was the PROWLER...

LOL, THAT MUSIC!!!!!!!!!

RUN BOY RUN THIS WORLD ISN’T MEAN FOR YOU!

BRUH PENI’S FACE!!!

“This is a pretty hardcore origin story.“ - SPIDER-MAN NOIR

“We don’t pick the ballroom we just dance.” - SPIDER-MAN NOIR

OOOFFF WHEN AUNT MAY SAYS TAKE IT OUTSIDE SHE MEANS IT!

Of course, MILES dad is on the way

OH, SHIT SHOW HIM YOUR FUCKING FACE!!!

OH, FUCK!!!!!!

How the fuck you gonna be flying around without some type of bulletproof vest. DAMN SMH

Man, a kid should not be seeing someone die right in front of them.

JEFFERSON didn’t deserve to find his brother that way.

I’m glad they’re having a heart to heart to him. But that room is too small

“MILES the hardest part about this job is that you can’t save everyone“ - SPIDER-HAM

“Do animals talk in this dimension because I don’t want to freak him out.“ - SPIDER-HAM

Let the bodies hit the floor.

“A leap of faith” - PETER B PARKER

At least his dad came by to speak to him.

He had that boy fucked up again!

AUNT MAY A THUG BRO!!!!

THIS SONG IS GETTIN’ ME HYPED UP AND I’M NOT EVEN IN THE FUCKING MOVIE!

Man them taking the bus is really killin’ me

Bruh the waiter

ROFL

BATTLE ROYALE BABY!!!!

YEAH MILES

“Do you have a problem with cartoons?!?!” - SPIDER-HAM

PENI I’m sorry to say but your BUD FOR LIFE is gone.

MILES is a smooth criminal!!

WILSON FISK BIG MAD!!

I find it so cool that each time they jumped back into the portal it was reflected off of them.

ROFL “That’s all folks” “Is he allowed to say that legally?”

WILSON FISK always tryin’ to hurt somebody damn!

NOBODY TOOK YOUR FUCKING FAMILY BITCH THAT WAS YOU! IF YOU TRULY KNEW YOUR WIFE YOU WOULD’VE KNOWN THAT SHE DIDNT GET JIGGY WITH THAT SHIT PERIOD!

THE SHOULDER TOUCH

MILES did that (with help of course)

C-Mobile = T-Moblie hehehehehehe

BRUH HE DID WILSON FISK DIRTY!!!

MILES MORALES

SPIDER-MAN for 2 days

Finally, finished his essay

Saved a lot of people

Spent time with his father

Got hit by a drone as well

Had a proper meeting with his roommate

Slapped his sticker where his dad won’t find it

Will always remember his friends.

“Anyone can wear the mask. You can wear the mask. If you didn’t know that before I hope you know that now.“ SPIDER-MAN (MILES)

_________________________________

Y’ALL THERE WAS A GLITCH IN THE SYSTEM! Everything and I mean EVERYTHING! So thankful I was able to salvage a little bit of it back. I really do wish I was able to get what I said at the end because I meant it. :(

_________________________________

EDIT: I was fast forwarding through the movie to get it off of my “continue watching” list and I discovered something at the end! So I’ll be making a bit of an edit. (This is a reminder that you need to ALWAYS STAY AT THE END OF EVERY MARVEL! (smh I made a rookie mistake))

James Blake has such an amazing voice

MEANWHILE IN NUEVA YORK

“I was gone for less than 2 hours.” - MAN

THE BEST LESS 2 HOURS OF MY LIFE!

oooo the man’s name is MIGUEL

Earth ‘67

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH THE MEME THE MEME!!!!!!!!!!

“How dare you point at me!” - SPIDER-MAN

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thevmontgomery · 4 years

Text

Montgomery Family Values

After Rocky’s vigil, Vanessa comes home to gather a few things and is unfortunately met with a Montgomery sibling meeting.

included: @montgomery-malachai triggers: homophobia, rocky’s death, slut shaming,

Vanessa: There were few situations Vanessa ever felt like she didn't have any control, there was only ever one that she's ever truly felt powerless: when it was her and her brothers. Vanessa had only came home to get a few things knowing that their father would be out, but caught her eldest brother Nate staring back at her with disappointment in his eyes as she was instructed to follow him to the dining room table, Kai already sitting there. She hadn't been home since she ran away and Vanessa knew it was only a matter of time before she would have to face her family. Her family that changed the locks on her, her family that took her son from him took every piece of existence of the boy out of the house, the family that made her feel like she didn't exist the majority of her life. Vanessa sat down across from Kai, not bothering to make eye contact.

kai: Kai hardly had a relationship with his eldest sibling, even when they were younger, he had always been closer to Vanessa. Something about Nate being able to bring out the almost submissive puppy in Kai, always breaking the hard exterior he built up as their conversation went. He had been sitting in the living room, his brothers eyes on him when they heard Vanessa pull up. Kai getting sent to sit at the dining table, popping one of his /sales/ in his mouth, dry swallowing it as he sat down. Hoping to feel something other than sobriety in this impromptu family meeting. His head glanced up as he heard the clicking of his sisters heels, rolling his eyes as she avoided eye contact with him. A part of him not shocked that she had left him with the two people he had hated most in the world, but a part of him still hurt by it.

Nate: "Sit," Nate instructed, sitting at the head of family seat. Looking over his siblings all he could feel was disgust and disappointment. "Have you two learned nothing?" he started. "All you two have done since I enlisted was cause Hell in this house. Mother would be turning in her grave if she knew how you two have become? A fucking useless teen mom and a drug dealing fairy. You two are going to wisen up and you're going to wisen up now!" his voice thundered. Nate turned his gaze to Vanessa, "And what do you have you have to say for yourself? Do you know the mess father and I have to clean up because you and those god awful Bells? Do you want to be one of their gang sluts for the rest of your life? You already fucked up your life getting pregnant and now you're going to let them ruin your life some more? You're going to pack up all your shit wherever you are and come home /tonight/. Not tomorrow, not when father is gone, /tonight/. And you..." he paused turning to Kai. "Fort Union Academy will be expecting you to move in this weekend."

kai: shook his head as Nate brought up their mother, no one in the house understanding Kai, especially after the accident. Talking or thinking about his mom was hard, let alone the thought that he wasnt what she would have wanted of him. He knew deep down that his mom would be disappointed in who he was, but he enjoyed himself, he loved himself. /most of the time/. His eyes glaring daggers at Nate as he addressed Vanessa. Knowing she went in on herself day in and day out, and now with rocky being gone he knew it had gotten worse. "dont act like you give a fuck," He spoke, for once getting bold with his brother. Instant regret washing through him as he turned to him, his brow raising, "youre funny if you think im getting shipped away like some fucking amazon return," he knew at that point he already sealed his deal, and he shouldnt have kept talking, but he had.

Vanessa: Even though Vanessa in her brain was the more mature one out of the three, she was also the most weak willed out of them and easily persuaded when it came to her family. She already felt so alone in the house that she would do anything to make her family happy with her again. Nate's words were hitting Vanessa like knives and she became that sad little forgotten girl once again. Tears started forming in Vanessa's eyes. Maybe if she had been a little nicer, a little prettier, a little smarter, a little more like her parents wanted, Rocky might still be here. If only she would have been enough all of this wouldn't have happened. "I... I get it, Nathanial," she said weakly, curling into herself. He was right. She was ruining everyone around her and letting other people ruin her. Before she could say anything else, she looked to Kai, shaking her head to stop him. Vanessa knew how cruel Nate was to Kai. She gave him a look of warning, hoping he'd stop talking. She'd take the beating if it meant Kai would be safe.

Nate: head snapped once he heard Kai's reply. "I don't give a fuck about some fag who is dead set on being a disappointment for the rest of his life. I'm concerned about our slut of a sister who killed our brother. Or did you forget?" He stood up, palms pressed against the table and eyes of fury. He took a deep breath, pretending to add some softness to his faith. "She's useless, beyond help according to father, but for whatever reason he thinks you can be fixed. A year at military school should /straighten/ you out in one way or another. It's not up for discussion. When father comes home your hair will be black again and you both will be grateful that he is continuing to let you live in his house. Do I make myself clear?"

kai: "No all you give a fuck about is impressing the image of a man who has never been a father to anyone but you," he spoke sharply, his whole body telling him to stand down. That his brother wasnt going to take kindly to his words, but the fire he felt in his skin from hearing him talk about vanessa, he couldnt stay quiet. "Shes amazing. If you took a fucking second to look past what father has warped into that peanut brain, you wouldve seen the person she really is. Shes not a slut, shes not an idiot, shes not useless. Shes fucking family!" Kai spoke, standing from his spot, "Everything she has ever done has been to make father happy, to make you happy. And for what?! To be forced to live a lie her whole life? She didnt kill our NEPHEW. She didnt go to that appointment knowing that Vince fucking Bell would bring his gang ties with him. You dont get to sit here and lecture us when you arent even fucking around to see anything happening anyway!" He rolled his eyes, catching the way he spoke the word straight, "Yes because a year with only men around is really gonna make me only want woman. Smart plan on that one homie,"

Vanessa: "I didn't kill my son!" Vanessa finally spoke up, the pain clear in her voice. "You think I purposely got my son killed! I wish it was fucking me! I wish every fucking day that I was the one who died and I know you all wish it too! You wished it when Mama died and now you're all wishing it with Rocky gone," she continued, tears rolling down her cheeks. All she wanted right now was to drown herself in vodka but she couldn't right now with Nate of all people here and Kai catching onto her habits. Vanessa fell into herself, slowly breaking down for the first time in a long time. It was like everything came flashing before her. She knew her family hated her, knew her family didn't nor ever loved her, and it was all just resurfacing. She looked up for a second, puffy eyes immediately going to Kai and mouthing "stop". If Nate was already dropping the F word to Kai, it would only escalate from there.

Nate: "It should have been you," he spoke sternly, not bothering to even look at Vanessa. His full attention on Kai. He shoved Kai in his chest forcefully putting him back in his chair. "Don't get loud with me, Malachai. You think because it's just you here now you're the man of the house? He died because your sister didn't know who the fucking father of Rocky was. If she hadn't been whoring around there wouldn't have been an appointment. You let her go to that appointment alone. You're just as much to blame as those fucking Bells. This is your last straw, Malachai, last fucking chance. You want to learn what it's really like to be alone? You wanna get sent away too? Don't push me."

kai: "Like it shouldve been me when mom died? Bet you loved telling an 11 year old that everyday for months," He spoke bitterly, a groan falling from his lips as he was shoved back into the chair. His head snapping up to meet his gaze. His words sinking in and knowing there was plenty of truth to them. "I shouldve gone youre right," He spoke, "But you know who else couldve? You. You know who couldve stopped Vince being involved from the gun? You." Shaking his head, "Im already alone Nathaniel. This place is simply room and board at this rate. We arent a family, weve never been a family. father and yourself have made damn sure of that,"

Vanessa: heard the garage door opening and looked to her brother with desperate eyes. Thankfully, Nate walked out to the front to meet up with their father who no doubtly wouldn't even bother even saying hello to any of them now that his precious son was here. Vanessa waited a moment til their brother was far enough, "You're not... you're not a you know what," Vanessa whispered, not even daring to call him the F word. She hated the way Nate spoke and treated Kai. Kai always got the worst of Nate's anger especially since the youngest came out; usually Vanessa was there to defend him but in this moment she was being beaten down so bad she couldn't think straight. "I'm glad it wasn't you," she added.

kai: 's eyes shifted to their sister, his eyes soft at the look on her face. he could see how affected she was by nates words, the fire in kai only growing. shaking his head as she spoke, "he cant say anything I didnt say to myself for years. I know the stigma around bi men, as shitty as it fucking is," He shrugged, "Everything he said about you isnt true V. You arent useless or an idiot, youre an amazing human. Im glad youre my sister," He spoke, a smile gracing his lips as she spoke, "Im sorry you lost your son V, neither one of you shouldve been lost that day," He spoke softly, himself and V being the closest to Rocky, it hit home hearing Nate talk about him. As if he had a relationship with him.

Vanessa: "But you're not, I'm not going to let them send you away. I'll take whatever daddy has to throw. I won't let you be alone," Vanessa spoke. She got up from her seat, moving to sit in the one next to Kai. "I love you, little brother," Vanessa spoke, putting her head on his shoulder. The conversation was all too much, but everything Nate was saying was true. She believed every last word. She was useless. She was a slut. She was all of it and worsy. "It should have been me," she mumbled.

kai: "I like what I like, no one can get mad at me over that. Not logically, i aint doing harm," He shrugged, " We're never alone. As long as we got eachother we'll be ok," He spoke, resting his head on top of hers for a moment. "I love you too big sister," He knew her gears were turning, knew every word nate spoke was on repeat in both their brains. "It should've been me too," He spoke softly

Vanessa: "No harm, though, you could have better taste in men," Vanessa teased. "You think things would be different if Mama was still here? Or that she'd turn on us too?" she asked weakly. She knew her mother loved them, know deep down in her heart that Malachai and Vanessa whom she always joked were her precious little twins considering how similar they looked (way before the blonde locks and the shaved pink hair), but she also knew that her family wasn't perfect. That her father's heart was cold long before their mother's death. Would he have turned their mother cold too. "At least if it was both of us, we'd be with Mama..."

kaii: "as though you got any room to talk on that front," he teased, rolling his eyes jokingly. His smile falling as he thought of his mothers, the words of his brother ringing between his ears. "I think Mama wouldve looked out for us," He spoke softly. His connection with his mom strong from the jump, he was a premie baby. So he needed the extra love at the beginning, and not much has changed in his relationships since. But himself and the two females of the house were practically attached at the hip, having inside jokes and comments, little memories that no one else could recall. Their mom being the reason people never knew if the two siblings were twins or not. Their family was a mess, no doubt about it. Anyone looking in could see that they werent a family, but merely people coexisting in a home that became a house the day their mother lost her life. And thats what finally caused Kais tough exterior to break. All the memories and thoughts of his mom came rushing back, the ones he had pushed aside since that day in the car. Tears flowing but his face never changing from its stoic expression, a part of him scared that his father or brother would walk through the door. Calling him a fairy and other terms because he was showing emotion. "I miss her so fucking much.."

Vanessa: "the men i date are the best of their groups thank you very much," vanessa replied, sticking her tongue out. she took a deep breath, noticing how silent her brother had become. she shouldn't have brought up their mother. it was a sensitive topic for vanessa, but she wasn't there when their mother died. she wasn't the one who had to watch them pull her lifeless body out the car. vanessa turned to kai, right away seeing his tear stained face. she quickly used her shirt sleeve to wipe away his tears, ears listening closely for footsteps. the last thing they needed was either of the elder montgomery men coming in and seeing kai in tears. it was already world war 2 in their house, things didn't need to be worst. "I miss her too, but I need you to be strong for me right now? Okay, KK? I wouldn't ask this if I didn't think you could do it. Daddy can't see you like this. Just go to my room and lock yourself in there for the night, they won't bother you if they think it's me in there. I'll stay out here and deal with Daddy."

kaii: He allowed her to wipe his tears, tilting his head back as he caught his breath. He knew better than to be showing emotion, given that the two people he feared the most were beyond the door. But everything had become to much for him, every decision made in his life flashing through his mind. A gut feeling telling him she wouldnt be proud of him, and that hurt more than anything could say to him. He nodded to her words, "I know I know," He spoke quickly, rubbing his eyes slightly, "After all this I will. Im not leaving you with them alone,"

Vanessa: "Go." Vanessa said more forcefully. She wasn't going to take no for an answer. Vanessa knew all too well how their father was towards Kai. She never protected him from it, just hid in her room and pretended to be interested in whatever Nate was talking about in order to have someone to keep her from fully freaking out. "Whatever they do to me isn't going to hurt me as what they do to you. Go."

kaii: "No," He spoke with a headshake, "we're in this together V, from now on. You and me," He spoke with as much force as her, "We cant protect one another if one of us is just running off," He spoke, not meaning the double meaning behind his words, and not realizing till they were already out of his mouth, "We need to be united, it has to work,"

Vanessa: "United."

#para

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