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teshamerkel · 4 years

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Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Seekers of Soul

[Chapter 4] (14 Pages) << First | < Previous | Next >

Tobias considers his life at the guild, and makes a life-changing decision.

TW: Panic Attack

Tobias can feel the heat rolling off his skin as he moves. He glares at the training dummy, bouncing on his toes, before launching into another stream of attacks.

Smokescreen hisses white and murky from his throat, clouding the area and wrecking any hope for visibility. His sharp eyes can still pick out the dummy’s silhouette, so he slashes at it with metal-coated claws, satisfied by the feeling of the fabric splitting open. He spins, slamming his tail into it with a solid thump before springing back and spraying a wave of embers at his foe.

As the smokescreen begins to clear, Tobias can see that the dummy is a wreck, riddled with gashes and glittering with embers that even the flame-resistant cloth can’t smother. It should still be good to go for a few more rounds.

“Can you not destroy property for one day?”

The words are sarcastic, and Tobias slumps, tipping his head back with a groan. “Arceus, Archer, I only used one dummy today!”

He turns to see the breloom walking up to him, eyeing the smoldering dummy with disapproval. “Vera had to make a whole new batch after your past few training sessions.”

“I said sorry,” Tobias grumbles, looking around for the first time since he’d arrived at dawn. There’s only a handful of other Pokémon around, probably Seeker teams practicing their moves. As usual, they pay him no mind. Archer has pulled out a small notebook, and is writing something down with careful claws. Probably keeping score of how much equipment Tobias broke. Ugh.

“You need to be less destructive,” Archer says.

Tobias bristles. “Fire is destructive. Maybe you should make your equipment more durable.”

The breloom looks unimpressed. “Everyone else does fine with this equipment—including Pokemon much stronger than you.”

Tobias’ hands curl into fists.

“You need to learn to hold back,” Archer repeats.

Tobias scowls up at him. “I already am holding back! Isn’t training kind of the point of this area? What do you want me to do, not use my fire at all?”

“That would be a nice change of pace,” Archer agrees, sickly sweet.

Tobias growls at the words, hating that they still get to him. It’s not his fault he’s the only fire type in the guild.

“Besides,” Archer adds. “Doesn’t Maggie need your help? You know, doing something that would contribute to your actual job? Like guiding around that little riolu.”

Tobias, who had moved forward to pat out the remaining fire, stiffens. He turns on his heel and marches out of the training grounds without another word. He tries to control his breathing as he makes his way up to the medical ward, like Maggie taught him years ago.

He hates how everyone dismisses him when he’s not doing something to help Maggie. He hates that they still look so nervous around him when he practices. He hates that no one respects his choices in general. So what if he wants to be able to fight and get stronger even as a medic? That’s not anyone else’s business. He’s good at his job and if he wants to work on another skill in his downtime, he can.

Besides, he’d rather be anywhere other than leading that riolu around. What was her name now? Mia? Nia, that’s it. He’d rather dig through a muk than have to guide her around all day like a helpless little kid. She’s an adult, for Moltres’ sake! He doesn’t care if she has supposed “amnesia”—he did not sign up to be her personal tour guide. She can figure it out herself.

Tobias is so caught up in his irritation that he almost walks straight past the medical floor. He huffs and walks to the quarters he shares with Maggie—not Nia—and is immediately annoyed to see the riolu awake, talking eagerly to Maggie. She cuts herself off when he enters the room.

“Stop staring,” he snaps, then turns to Maggie. “What do you need me to do?”

The meganium frowns down at him. Great. “Tobias, don’t be rude. Nia was talking.”

“N-No, it’s okay,” the riolu says, waving her hands in front of her defensively. “I can wait.”

Maggie looks unhappy but uses her vines to scoop up a thin stack of documents sitting on her desk. She hands them to Tobias, who glances over the top one. Mission requests asking for gatherers and Seekers to pick up herbs for them from more distant locations. The usual.

“I need you to pin these up on the mission board, please,” Maggie says. Then her voice turns steely. “And Tobias?”

The charmander peeks up at her, and somehow her disappointed expression is worse than if she’d looked furious with him.

“Come back here when you’re finished. You’re going to have to talk to poor Nia eventually. I’m sure you’re prickly enough when you show her around. In here you’re going to be civilized.”

The sinking feeling in Tobias’ stomach is overshadowed by confusion. He...he hasn’t been showing Nia around at all. He’s actually been waiting for Maggie to scold him about that. His gaze flicks over to Nia, and she looks frozen with panic. Her eyes meet his, and she frantically shakes her head. Oh. She’s been covering for him? But...why?

Before he can become suspicious, Maggie prompts, “Tobias?”

“Y-Yeah, sure,” he mumbles. “I’ll be back.” He turns and hurries out of the room.

As he makes his way down to the base of the guild where the mission boards are housed, he hugs the forms tight to his chest, thinking. Why would Nia cover for him? He’s pointedly ignored her ever since she arrived at the guild. The few times he did have to talk to her, he barbed his comments with the nastiest tone he could muster.

He shoves down the jab of guilt in his stomach.

Tobias doesn’t necessarily hate the riolu, he just...doesn’t want to be around her. Her timid nature and constant questions are annoying, and now she has taken his alone space away from him. To add on to that, she whimpers and twitches in her sleep, restless as an emolga, and keeps him up half the night. Not to mention her weird claim that she used to be human. So yeah, he’s not exactly dying to be forced to interact with her.

Besides, it’s not like he likes interacting with anyone else much better. Everyone at the guild made it clear years ago how they felt about him, and he’s content to reciprocate. He doesn’t get along with others, and he doesn’t want to. Simple. Maggie and the shinx siblings are pretty much the only exceptions to that rule.

As Tobias passes the nursery floor, he’s brought out of his musings by a shrill cry of, “Toby!”

Well, speak of the sableye. Fighting a smile, Tobias turns to see a small shinx sprinting towards him through the doorway. He sets the stack of papers down just in time to catch the fluffball as he leaps into Tobias’ arms.

Tobias lurches forward with a playful, “Oof,” dipping as if the shinx is too heavy for him to hold. “Arceus, Luca, how much have you been eating?!”

The shinx giggles, scrambling out of his hold to climb onto his shoulders. Tobias obediently collapses forward onto the ground with a dramatic, “Ugh!”

Luca plops down on his back and purrs. “It’s not the food—I’m just getting too strong!”

“Oh, is that so?” Tobias asks. He rolls over into a sit. “You do look like you’ve put on some muscle.”

Luca puffs up his fur and grins at Tobias, blue and black pelt crackling with static. “I know! I even beat Laine in a battle yesterday!”

“That’s awesome!” Tobias says, grinning back at the shinx just as proudly. He glances past the shinx in search of the cub’s siblings. “Where are Laine and Leor?”

“They’re playin’ a game. But you shoulda seen my battle! I bet I’m strong enough to take on a whole mystery dungeon by now! Xander was telling us about this super cool dungeon his team went to with all these flowers and bug Pokemon, and Laine and Leor and me are gonna go find it ourselves so we can explore it and--“

“Luca!”

They both look up to see the giant form of Arlo bustling over to them from deeper within the nursery. The drampa looks torn between relief and anger, feathers ruffled.

Luca crouches low. “Uh-oh.”

Tobias snorts a laugh. “Did you sneak out again?”

“Maybe?”

“Maybe is right!” Arlo says as he reaches the doorway, ducking to glare at the tiny Pokémon. “You know better than that, Luca. Do I have to tell Xander you were misbehaving again?”

Luca scrambles back inside, looking up at the drampa. “No! Don’t tell him, please! He’ll get all sad and stuff. It’s awful!”

“Then go back to your siblings,” Arlo huffs.

Luca rushes away, tossing a “Bye, Toby!” over his shoulder. Tobias watches him go with an amused smirk.

Arlo sighs, shaking his head. “Apologies, Tobias. You know how he gets.”

The charmander shakes his head and scoops up the documents, making sure none fluttered away in the scuffle. “No problem. You sound like you have your work cut out for you.”

“That I do,” Arlo grumbles, not without affection. He turns and shuffles back inside, towards the chatter of children.

Tobias continues down the tree, mood considerably lighter than it was before. The little brats—Luca and his siblings especially—don’t judge him and are always eager to see him, and he can forgive anything dumb they do since they’re so young. It’s nice.

Tobias has only passed a few Pokémon by time he reaches the bottom of the tree. Most of them are either outside already or crowded around the mission boards. Tobias shuffles through the teams and shoulders his way to the front of mission board E with a muttered, “Excuse me” that sounds more like a threat than a pleasantry.

He pins up the letters one by one, taking his time to delay his inevitable return to Maggie’s wrath. Eventually, he moves over to the higher board ranks as the locations in the documents become more dangerous. Soon enough he’s finished, and just so he won’t have to go through the crowd at his back, he ducks under the board and out the other side to the outlaw letters. He pauses for a moment to see where he’s at in the expansive, increasingly busy room. Until something on the outlaw board at his side catches his eye. He turns to look, and suddenly he can’t breathe.

A new “wanted” poster is pinned to the S-rank board, with the scratchy portraits of an arcanine, crobat, and pangoro staring back at him. Images and sounds and sensations he’s long since tried to erase explode inside his mind.

Plumes of fire rebounding off cave walls, throwing distorted shadows—

The flash of claws—

A streak of purple, too fast too track—

A weight on his back, the stinging downpour of rain, thunder booming and are they following him they have to be right behind him—

Tobias squeezes his eyes shut and lets his legs buckle. He’s going to die. He needs, he—air, he can’t breathe—

He blindly crawls under the notice board, leaning back heavily against the side post and curling his knees up to his chest. His heart is racing, hammering, he can hear it in his head, and it takes him a moment to realize that he’s gasping so hard he’s hardly breathing. Why can’t he get any air?

He’s hot, overheating, melting, but he can’t bring his body to move from its spot on the ground. Why is he so hot? He’s a fire type, there’s no way it’s too warm for him.

Eventually, he manages to squint his eyes open, only to be met with black spots and the blur of tears. He’s dying. He grips at the hard ground, wishing Maggie were here. She could help. Where is she?

Tobias focuses on thoughts of the meganium, of her soothing voice and the scent of her flower, letting old, comforting memories of her play through his head and try to wash away the—

Snarling, thunder, crying—

Maggie. He’s at the guild with Maggie. He’s okay.

Tobias doesn’t know how long he sits there, curled up into a ball of tension, but eventually his heart rate slows enough for him to breathe again. As he blinks away tears with a hiss of steam, he realizes he’s shaking. The charmander flicks his tail into view and stares into the tiny, wavering flame. Tries to blank out his thoughts, let the static soothe his panic instead of stoke it.

He doesn’t know how much longer he waits until trying to move. Every muscle in his body is stiff and sore, and he feels like he could sleep for a week. Great. Slowly, Tobias crawls out of the space, relieved to see the room mostly empty. Either no one saw his breakdown or they didn’t care enough to try and calm him down.

With a still shaking hand, he snatches the wanted poster off the board and folds it up, trying to walk back to the staircase without staggering. He hopes Maggie didn’t notice how long he was gone. She probably did.

By the time he makes it back up to the medical ward, Tobias feels calmer, even if he’s still exhausted. When he steps into their quarters trying to hide his nerves, he sees Riolu—Nia—reading in a corner and Maggie separating some herbs. The meganium turns to him, face set into something hard and scolding. Tobias’ heart squeezes at how quickly her expression turns to worry.

“Tobias? What happened?” She asks, hurrying over to him and using a vine to stroke at his cheek.

He opens his mouth to lie, trying to resist the urge to press into her touch, but finds that he can’t quite speak. Maggie’s vine tips his head up so she can look into his eyes.

“Are you okay?” She asks, softly.

“Yeah,” Tobias croaks, before he can stop himself. “Panic attack, I think.” He hasn’t had one for a year or two, but it’s hard to forget what it feels like.

Maggie’s antennae flatten, and she pulls him into her hold, murmuring, “Oh, Tobias.”

“I’m fine,” he mumbles into the flower at her neck, trying to sound more confident than he feels. He doesn’t try to fight her embrace or her soothing scent. He can still feel himself shaking.

Tobias isn’t sure how long he stays like that, feeling his heart rate and his thoughts slowly smooth out, before remembering that Nia is in the room with them. He reluctantly pushes back from Maggie, and she releases him.

The riolu is clearly trying to not look interested—or worried?—despite the fact that she’s peeking at the two of them over her book with furrowed brows. When he glares at her, she squeaks and buries her face back into the pages.

“Here,” he says, roughly, holding up the folded wanted poster. Maggie takes it in her vines and unfolds it, a quiet breath her only reaction to the picture. “I can’t read it right now. How long have they been on the wanted listing?”

Maggie hesitates. “Tobias—“

“Just tell me. Please.”

“...Five years.”

Tobias swallows hard, stubbornly shoving away the memories trying to crowd back into his brain. One breakdown is fine for today, thank you.

Five years. He can hardly believe it. It’s been...what? Eight years since Maggie took him in? And five years since these three were officially outlawed. That’s incredible. Most outlaws are only on the run for two or three years, tops, after authorities are notified and word is spread to Seeker teams. They must have been on the other side of the world for word to have taken this long to reach the guild.

How are they still free?

“Tobias,” Maggie says, voice cautious. She sounds like she’s talking down a dangerous criminal. “I can see you thinking about this. Don’t do anything rash. You know that the authorities and the Seeker teams are doing their best to catch them, and—“

“And they’re still free, Maggie!” He snaps. Softer, he says, “They’re still out there. Clearly the authorities and the Seekers aren’t doing their jobs well enough.”

Maggie’s still looking at him like he might go running out of the guild this very second to challenge the outlaws to a fight. She glances at Nia, and Tobias follows her gaze to see the riolu not even pretending to be reading anymore. Instead, she’s watching him, worriedly wringing her paws.

“C-Can I help?” She asks, clearly with no idea of what’s going on.

Tobias snorts. “Not unless you want to arrest three S-rank criminals.”

The riolu’s ears flatten, and she frantically shakes her head.

Wait.

If no one else can seem to track these three down and arrest them...if no one else cares enough to focus on hunting them down...

Then maybe it’s up to him to do it.

It’ll take a long time to become strong enough to beat them—especially with no one being able to evolve anymore. But he has to do it. He can feel it in his bones. Maybe it’s like some form of divine retribution, justice for all the evil they’ve done. Justice for what they’ve done to him.

He can’t believe he’s never thought of this before. He can’t just sit around and wait for some other Pokémon to do the job for him, apparently, so he has to take matters into his own hands. And there’s really only one way to do that.

“Maggie,” he says, voice strong and sure. “I‘m becoming a Seeker.”

Maggie reels back at the declaration. “W-What? Now Tobias, hold on a moment. You’re very emotional right now and—“

“Maggie.”

The meganium stops, looking upset.

“I’m going to become a Seeker, get stronger, and take these three out myself. I don’t care if it takes ten years to do it.”

Maggie opens her mouth to argue, but then thinks better of it. “Have you really decided on this? Right now? So suddenly?”

Tobias nods, feeling a fire light in his belly. He’s never been more sure of anything in his life.

“Will you at least think about it for the day? Wait until tomorrow to apply?”

Tobias frowns, looking up at the meganium. He isn’t sure if Maggie is just scared for his sake, or if she’s hoping he won’t leave his job with her. Probably both. They’ll still see each other if he joins an exploration team, but...it won’t be the same. He feels a heavy sadness in his chest at the thought of no more long days alongside the meganium, searching for herbs in the forest and playfully bantering with each other. He loves to spend time with her, and he really doesn’t mind his current job...

But Tobias knows himself. And he can feel that, like lit kindling, there’s no going back for him. The moment the idea popped into his head his new course was set. He’s going to be a Seeker, and he’s going to take those three outlaws down.

“I’ll wait until tomorrow to apply,” he agrees, just to ease that worried expression from Maggie’s face. Even her flower looks wilted.

The meganium lets out a sigh of relief. “Good. You need to be certain before making such a big decision. Especially one that’s driven by such...emotional ties.”

“Just for you, Maggie.”

The meganium smiles weakly in response.

As Tobias’ decision solidifies and he feels himself calm down, the exhaustion from his earlier panic attack weighs down on him once again. He yawns.

“You should rest for a while,” Maggie suggests, watching him with concern. “You’ve...been through a lot this morning.”

Tobias looks to his room, debating. With how his morning’s gone there’s a good chance he’ll have nightmares, but he is really tired.

Maggie nudges him with her snout. “Go on. I’ll wake you for lunch.”

Tobias can’t argue with that. He nods, rubbing at his eyes, and walks back into his room. He curls up in his soft nest and flicks his tail over his snout.

He’s out in seconds, his sleep dark and dreamless.

#pmd #pokemon mystery dungeon #pokemon #charmander #shinx #pmd seekers of soul #tesha writes #tesha draws #panic attack #panic attack tw #tw panic attack

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ghostcat3000 · 3 years

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First line game

I was tagged by my badminton partner, @irazor. thank you 💗

Rules: List the first lines of your last 20 stories (if you have less than 20, just list them all!). See if there are any patterns. Choose your favorite opening line. Then tag 10 of your favorite authors.

1. The Dull Flame of Desire (Even/Isak, SKAM, E, 11k, co-write with @irazor): In general, Even wouldn’t consider himself a lucky guy

2. The Boyfriend Experience (Even/Isak, SKAM, E, WIP, co-write with @irazor): It’s hot as balls.

3. but everything must be dared (Olivia/Elía, Call Me By Your Name, E, 14k): When Olivia says Later!—over her shoulder, at the piazzetta, the breakfast table, leaving the swim trough in a bright green two-piece, water dripping down her long legs and arms, smile as bright and breezy as a tooth advert—her cheek dimples on one side but her eyes remain cool.

3. Burn Bright (Isak/Even, SKAM, T, 92k): One of the many tricks that Isak plays, in order to fool himself into sleeping, is to pretend that there is no end to the week; the work never stops.

4. Haunt Me Then (Isak/Even, SKAM, M, 8k, co-write with @ashotofjac): A woman with sharp brown eyes and a single braid hanging down her back stares directly into the camera.

5. I. Allegro con molto brio (Oliver/Elio, Call Me By Your Name, T, WIP): Stop. Count to four. Let’s go back the beginning.

6. A Careful Intervention (Daryl & Steve, The Zero Effect, G, 4k): After the great shitshow that is 2017, Steve Arlo resigns once again from his law firm.

7. IV. Finale: Rubato e affettuoso (Elio/Oliver, Call Me By Your Name, E, WIP): Where to start?

8. III. Rondo: Allegretto Moderato (Elio/Oliver, Call Me By Your Name, M, 33k): “Soon.” The answer, the promise, the sweetness of its certainty.

9. II. Andante (Elio/Oliver, Call Me By Your Name, T, 11k): You haven’t been out, not like this, in years and there is a quasi-comic element to your preparations.

10. Exile on Main St. (Jessica/Luke, Jessica & Matt, The Defenders/Jessica Jones/Alias, M, 19k): On paper, it sounds like an easy gig.

11. We Must Refuse to Disappear (June/Nick, The Handmaid’s Tale, M, 5k) I don’t mean to make you choose but you need to know that you will have to.

12. The Eternal Face (Maria Enders & Valentine, The Clouds of Sils Maria, NR, 5K): It's 8:45 a.m. in Sfântu Gheorghe, Romania, and I’m entangled in Maria Enders’ scarf.

13. What We Have Common (Weevil & Logan, Veronica Mars, T, WIP): His thumb is on his tongue and then it’s on the page, turning it, 67 left.

14. New Ways (Elektra/Matt, Daredevil, M, 4k): Matt Murdock’s door is unlocked—it’s the third time in as many weeks.

15. A Fool For Your Face (Gretchen/Jimmy, You’re the Worst, M, 8k): The days after Becca and Vernon’s shitstorm of a party were golden, as if he and Gretchen were finally alone.

16. The Earthly City (Matt/Claire, Daredevil, E, 27k): A man who metes out justice for his city doesn’t get colds.

17. Five Stages of Grief (The Never Mind The Albatross Remix) (Veronica/Logan, Veronica Mars, T, -1k): For one queasy moment you think no.

18. Legs Up To Her Waist (The French Have a Phrase for It Remix) (Nick Miller & Veronica Mars, New Girl/Veronica Mars, T, 1k): It was a reasonably warm night on an unseasonably cold day, the kind of night that brought in all the neighborhood drunks early, eager for the company of one another, to titter like birds or old ladies, the kind of day he dreaded because once the bonhomie blurred and faded, usually by the fifth or six Mai Tai, all that was left was regret and the faint smell of peanut dust.

19. Unheard Music (Veronica Mars/Logan Echolls, Veronica Mars, T, 9k): Another Tuesday, another yell-at-bullying-assholes-day at good old Neptune High.

20. Under the Snow (Gilda Mundson Farrell/Johnny Farrell, Gilda, T, 10k): Who were they really when they had no names?

I’m tagging @ferrame, @balloonwhisk, @eirabach, @lokkanel, @anaisanais-stuff, @thegirlnooneknows5 —no pressure!

#my fave might be the one from wmrtd #Ghostcat replies #meme time #Ghostcat fics #this makes me look very prolific lol

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zerogate · 4 years

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The late David Bowie was asked if his inspiration included dreams and he stated it happened frequently: "There's a thing that, just as you go to sleep, if you keep your elbows elevated you will never go below the dream stage. I've used that quite a lot and it keeps me dreaming much longer than if I just relaxed. I keep a tape recorder by the bed, and if anything comes, I just say it into the tape recorder."

Arlo Guthrie, an American folk singer and songwriter, once said that music was like a stream going by. "Songwriting's kinda like catching fish - you just sit there and pull them out as they go by - though I think Bob Dylan's upstream from me somewhere."

"The best songs that are written write themselves," said Michael Jackson. "You don't ask for them; they just drop into your lap... I don't force it. I let nature take its course. I don't sit at the piano and think, 'I'm going to write the greatest song of all time.' It doesn't happen. It has to be given to you. I believe it's already up there before you are born, and then it drops right into your lap."

[...]

Some of the stories about dream music are so bizarre they just couldn't be made up. Consider the story of "Mystery Woman" written by U2's Bono. As Bono tells the story he is about to play a major concert in Wembley Stadium and was not able to sleep the night before. He stayed up most of the night watching the movie Blue Velvet on repeat and became aware of Roy Orbison's song "In Dreams" every time it came up in the movie. Orbison, himself, claimed that when he came up with the song "In Dreams" in 1962, he got the lyrics to the song in a dream. Eventually, Bono fell asleep and woke up with a song in his head. At first, he believed it was another Orbison song but then realized that it was new. He played the new Orbison-sounding song about a "mystery woman" to his band during the concert sound check. When they heard how it happened they told him he had "a bit of voodoo in him." When the concert was over, Bono sat down backstage to finish the song. Suddenly, his bodyguard knocks on the door and says Roy Orbison and his wife were at the concert and would like to meet him. No one knew Orbison would be attending! During the meeting, Orbison synchronistically said he would like to work with U2, and then asked, "you wouldn´t happen have a song for me?" Bono then told him of the Orbison-like song that appeared in his head that morning. Orbison sang the song and it was released after his death. The album, Mystery Girl became a worldwide hit reaching #5 on the US Billboard 200, and #2 on the UK Albums Chart.

[...]

Noel Gallagher of the UK rock band Oasis sold the third best-selling record in the country. Gallagher stated he used lucid dreaming to create songs. "I write a song before I go to bed," Noel told Alternative Press in December 1995. "I won't have any lyrics, just a melody. If I can remember it first thing in the morning, then I know it's good. I've done it with 'Don't Look Back in Anger' and nearly every song on Definitely Maybe. When I woke up, I remembered the songs chord-for-chord - I knew the vowels and syllables I was gonna use."

[...]

The claims for dream music go back for centuries. Mozart claimed to hear his best music when he slept but couldn't remember it when he woke up. The composer Revel stated that the most wonderful music came to him in his dreams. Anton Bruckner spoke of perhaps his most famous piece “Symphony No 7, 1st movement." “This theme wasn't mine at all. One day the (deceased) conductor Kitzler and old friend of mine from Linz appeared to me in a dream and dictated the thing to me. I wrote it down straight away. 'Pay attention,' added Kitzler, ‘this will bring you success.'"

[...]

Probably the most famous song that came in a dream was the song "Yesterday" by Paul McCartney. It has the most cover versions of any song ever written (2200) and, according to record label BMI, was performed over seven million times in the 20th century. McCartney described a song being his head when he woke up one morning. There was a piano in the room and he quickly recorded the melody and lyrics. McCartney stated:

I woke up with a lovely tune in my head. I thought, 'That's great, I wonder what that is?' There was an upright piano next to me, to the right of the bed by the window. I got out of bed, sat at the piano, found G, found F sharp minor 7th -- and that leads you through then to B to E minor, and finally back to E. It all leads forward logically. I liked the melody a lot, but because I'd dreamed it, I couldn't believe I'd written it. I thought, 'No, I've never written anything like this before.' But I had the tune, which was the most magic thing!

Once he had the song McCartney was still unsure so he checked around to see if he had just rewritten something he heard but had forgotten.

For about a month I went around to people in the music business and asked them whether they had ever heard it before. Eventually, it became like handing something into the police. I thought if no-one claimed it after a few weeks then I could have it.

[...]

Marcus Eoin from the band Boards of Canada wrote the song "Gyroscope" which came in a dream. He stated, "Yeah for me it would be the track 'Gyroscope'. I dreamed the sound of it, and although I've recreated dreamt songs before, I managed to do that one so quickly that the end-result was 99% like my dream. It spooks me to listen to it now."

[...]

Carole King was a prolific singer-songwriter with over 25 solo albums in 50 years. Her highlight album was the 1971 masterpiece Tapestry, which topped the charts for six weeks and remained on the charts for six years. It outsold The Beatles' Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band album and included the iconic 1972 Grammy song of the year "You've Got a Friend." Speaking of that song King said, "That song was as close to pure inspiration as I've ever experienced. The song wrote itself. It was written by something outside of myself through me. It happens from time to time in part. That song is one of the examples of that process where it was almost completely written by inspiration and very little if any perspiration."

[...]

On May 6, 1965, in Clearwater, Florida, while on their first U.S. tour, according to a St. Petersburg Times article, about 200 young fans got in an altercation with a line of police officers at the show, and The Stones made it through just four songs as chaos ensued. That night, Keith Richards woke up in his hotel room with the guitar riff and lyrics, "Can't get no satisfaction" in his head. He recorded it on a portable tape deck, went back to sleep, and brought it to the studio that week. The tape contained his guitar riff followed by the sounds of him snoring. Richards stated, "We receive our songs like inspiration, like at a séance. People say they write songs, but in a way, you are more the medium. I feel that all the songs are floating around, and it is just a matter of being like an antenna, of whatever you pick up. So many uncanny things have happened to us. A whole new song appears from nowhere in five minutes, the whole structure and you haven't worked at all."

[...]

Beethoven - "I must accustom myself to think out at once the whole, as soon as it shows itself, with all the voices, in my head." He used sketchbooks to write down his ideas when they flew into his head so as to not forget them. "Music is a higher revelation than all wisdom and philosophy." "Music is the one incorporeal entrance into the higher world of knowledge which comprehends mankind, but which mankind cannot comprehend." "Music is the mediator between the life of the senses and the life of the spirit." "Tones sound, and roar and storm about me until I have set them down in notes."

-- Grant Cameron, Tuned-In: The Paranormal World of Music

#quotes

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phoenix-failing · 4 years

Text

Got tagged in a few of these awhile back and I can’t sleep so may as well use them as warm ups before running into backstory building. tagged by: @urdnotgrunt, @frenchy-and-the-sea

So first up is Caranessa, my wonderful anxious ghost because this week is my last session with her and I am so not ready to let her go.

B A S I C S

full name: Caranessa Arden Luprinez

gender: Female

sexuality: Lesbian, most likely ace as well

pronouns: She/Her

O T H E R S

family: Her mother Susanne and father Dale, one older brother Leland. Her brothers wife Natalia and their 2 kids Jackson and Caroline aged three and about a month respectively.

birthplace: Wing North Dakota , it has a population of about 150....

job: Field Agent and Team Lead in the Order of Concealment, Bureau of Arcane Secrecy

phobias: Sorta everything, unmediated high anxiety will do that. Not to mention loosing all the old progress she had and the medication regiment when she died, can’t exactly go to the old therapist as a ghost and anti anxiety medication does not properly metabolize in an incorporeal body.

guilty pleasures: Watching bad soap operas and memorizing infomercials to recite and act out in full later

M O R A L S

morality alignment: Chaotic Good

sins: lust / greed / gluttony / sloth / pride / envy / wrath

virtues: chastity / charity / diligence / humility / kindness / patience / justice

T H I S - O R - T H A T

Introvert / Extrovert

Organized / Disorganized

Close-minded / Open-minded

Calm / Anxious

Agreeable / Disagreeable

Cautious / Reckless

Patient / Impatient

Outspoken / Reserved

Leader / Follower

Empathetic / Unempathetic

Optimistic (Nihilism) / Pessimistic

Traditional / Modern

Hard-working / Lazy

R E L A T I O N S H I P S

otp: Nessa/ Information, so she can maybe calm down enough to be happy for 30 damn seconds

ot3: (platonic) Caranessa and the Pet Squad, Parmesan her giganticly fat Pidgeon familiar who domesticated herself, or maybe she domesticated Nessa? and Infamy, the swirling black orb of chaos that killed her, but it was lonely so it’s not like she can leave it.

brotp: ‘Matthias and Caranessa, bc sometimes mlm and wlw solidarity is beating the shit out of eldritch horrors and sometimes it’s punking your city-slicker best friend into believing a North Dakotan cow’s charging speed is based on how badly you serenade it.’ Stealing @themilokin‘s answer because it’s accurate.

notp: Arlo/ Nessa

And now for the new Tuesday bean, Sikora!

B A S I C S

full name: Sikora Thera

gender: Female

sexuality: Unsure but probs Bi because I have a type I like to play

pronouns: She/Her

O T H E R S

family: A mother Petra and father Declan who both kicked her out at 10 to ‘make room for the rest of the kids’ Her known siblings: Karo, Luca, Gizella, Katia, Andi. And almost assuredly plenty more who came before her and got kicked out just the same and more who were born after she left.

birthplace: Some itty bitty no name town in Sivvan

job: God Chosen of the Crooked Warden, Former fast hands thief with the Nameless Estate, Full time vengeance bringer

phobias: Horses, one broke her shoulder when she was a kid and hiding in horse stalls she’s not a fan anymore. Also the woods, not a full phobia but she’s a city girl, her skills were honed getting things from people not knowing what plants are safe to eat.

guilty pleasures: She loves kids, the product of being the oldest of five and it’ll break through her sharp defenses the quickest if a kid is scared or in need of help.

M O R A L S

morality alignment: Chaotic Neutral

sins: lust / greed / gluttony / sloth / pride / envy / wrath

virtues: chastity / charity / diligence / humility / kindness / patience / justice

T H I S - O R - T H A T

Introvert / Extrovert

Organized / Disorganized

Close-minded / Open-minded

Calm / Anxious

Agreeable / Disagreeable

Cautious / Reckless

Patient / Impatient

Outspoken / Reserved

Leader / Follower (Or she will be anyway)

Empathetic / Unempathetic (depends on who)

Optimistic / Pessimistic

Traditional / Modern

Hard-working / Lazy

R E L A T I O N S H I P S

otp: Her and revenge, her entire crew left her to die and she’s coming for every last one of them

ot3: ????

brotp: One day it’ll be her and Halcyon I know it... One day

notp: Koth and Sikora probs? Who knows its all pretty new dynamic wise

#Caranessa #Sikora #Larken #I'm sorry I'm so awful about responding to these fun things usually but thank you all for tagging me #they're a lot of fun when I actually have the brain space to devote to them #ask meme #long post

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magicofdawnofficial · 5 years

Text

Dawn of the Rose Logicke Kingmates

Logicke Kingdom

Queen: Maysa

Prince: Cason

Knight: Damian

Citizens: Chester, Arlo, Poppy, Reyna, Ebonee, Landyn, Jaslene, Sam

Maysa (QUEEN)

Maysa Nol June

Skavian - F

Sixth year student

Caucasian; long straight white hair; icy blue eyes; dresses neatly

Intelligent; loner; honest

Strong in Blue

Aim: Guild Operator

Clubs: historian, blacksmith, art, music, dungeon, Unity

Cason (PRINCE)

Cason Joomp Shawl

Arachoa - M

Sixth year student

Black; short ashy colored hair; dark eyes; dresses neatly

Intelligent; sarcastic; honest

Strong in Blue

Aim: Curtain Keeper

Clubs: Unity, arcanist, cooking

Damian (KNIGHT)

Damian Dae Mon

Graadigprud - M

Fifth year student

Caucasian; black thick hair; blue-green eyes; dresses neatly

Intelligent; sarcastic; loner

Strong in Blue and White

Aim: Enchanter

Clubs: enchanting, merchant, arcanist

Chester

Chester E Rowanoak

Elf, type wood - M

First year student

Black; sunny blond hair; vivid green eyes; dresses neatly

Intelligent; arrogant; honest

Strong in Blue

Aim: Arcanist

Arlo

Arlo Hue Kai

Lux - M

Second year student

Tan skin; medium chocolate brown hair; vivid green eyes; dresses neatly

Intelligent; kind; quick-witted

Strong in Blue

Aim: to be a professor

Clubs: book, historian, cooking

Poppy

Poppy Leymon Milloma

Sentinelle - F

First year student

Native American; long gray hair; sharp blue eyes; dresses neatly

Intelligent; sarcastic; loner

Strong in Blue

Aim: ??

Reyna

Reyna Amethyst Reyes

Sentinelle - F

Seventh year student

Filipino; long brown hair; dark purple eyes; dresses neatly

Intelligent; sharp; cold

Strong in Blue and White

Aim: Unity

Clubs: art, music, merchant, cooking

Ebonee

Ebonee Belle Isa

Sentinelle - F

Seventh year student

Egyptian; short black hair; dark eyes; dresses neatly

Intelligent, kind, helpful

Strong in Blue

Aim: Arcanist

Clubs: art, music, merchant, cooking

Landyn

Landyn Casey Butch

Mall - M

Seventh year student

Caucasian; red hair; green eyes; dresses messily; freckles

Kind, helpful, loyal

Strong in Blue

Aim: Recovery of the Lost

Clubs: art, music, merchant, cooking

Jaslene

Jaslene Jasmine Reyes

Harpy - F

Fifth year student

Filipino; short brown hair; green eyes; dresses messily

Intelligent; sarcastic; bookworm

Strong in Blue

Aim: Librarian

Clubs: art, music, merchant, cooking

Sam

Sam Ulle Roy

Eant - M

Third year student

Polynesian; curly black hair; blue eyes; dresses messy

Helpful, intelligent, laid-back

Strong in Blue

Aim: Undecided

Clubs: dungeon, cooking, arcanist, Unity

#Magic of Dawn #Magic of Dawn series #Dawn of the Rose #Leah Dougherty #students #original characters #original story #fantasy #logicke kingdom #logicke kingmates

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dopingconsomme · 3 years

Text

[2021年01月30日の記事一覧 http://dailyfeed.jp/feed/23378/2021-01-30] https://dopingcomplex.blogspot.com/2021/01/20210130-httpdailyfeedjpfeed233782021.html

(全 115 件)

1. エドワード・エルガー - Introduction and Allegro for Strings, Op.47: Introduction

2. ルートヴィヒ・ヴァン・ベートーヴェン - Beethoven: Violin Concerto in D Major, Op. 61: II. Larghetto

3. エドヴァルド・グリーグ - Two Nordic Melodies, Op.63: 2. Cowkeeper's tune and country dance

4. ジョン・タヴナー - The Lamb

5. アントニン・ドヴォルザーク - Serenade for Strings in E, Op.22: 2. Tempo di valse

6. フェリックス・メンデルスゾーン - Octet, Op. 20: II. Andante

7. クロード・ドビュッシー - Rêverie, L. 68 (Arr. Badzura)

8. ヴォルフガング・アマデウス・モーツァルト - String Quartet No. 14 in G Major, K. 387 "Spring": IV. Molto allegro

9. ルートヴィヒ・ヴァン・ベートーヴェン - Triple Concerto in C Major, Op. 56: 2. Largo - attacca - Live at Philharmonie, Berlin / 2019

10. イーゴリ・ストラヴィンスキー - Apollon musagète (1947 Version): 8. Pas de deux (Apollo And Terpsichore)

11. ジャン・シベリウス - Two Serenades, Op.69: 2. Lento assai, Op.69 No.2 - In G Minor

12. ヒューゴ・アルヴェーン - The Sleeping Forest, Op. 28 No. 6

13. セルゲイ・ラフマニノフ - Vocalise, Op 34, No.14

14. Wun Two - Spanish Galleon

15. Hazy Noir - Purple Springs

16. Sumwun - Men Cry

17. Twinkz - Rolling By

18. Cardamom - Fetch

19. Hi Hat Henry - Catch That Goblin

20. Harris Cole - Blue and Green

21. Delayde - viaduct creek

22. lokeyz - espresso time

23. snaer. - circles

24. Chief. - Green Tea

25. Pierre Solvent - Ways To Go

26. leavv - balcony view

27. Zeus the Elevated - Waking Up to Sleep

28. Nobuddy - puget sound ferry

29. Smoke Trees - Afternoon Delight

30. soundlabs - Home Made Grooves

31. lostiu. - noairleft

32. Psalm Trees - Mosaic - Skit

33. Beat Oven - Dinner’s Served

34. Dweeb - Syrup

35. mr_slace - colors

36. Kuranes - Hands Free

37. Wun Two - dragon fruit

38. SMUV - eucalyptus

39. Chief. - reach

40. slån - modern grooves

41. the sharp shooter - slow motion

42. Fires in the Dark - Somewhere Around Here

43. FANTOMPOWER - Morning Dew

44. Damien Seul - Tadar

45. APSA - Curls

46. sleep protocol - crash tests

47. mell-ø - Waiting for You

48. Sidual. - Sway

49. Heroku - kyoto calling

50. jhfly - calm

51. Saito - Morning Mist Resort

52. p!ke - nesh

53. illflower - walking with you

54. Smeyeul. - bedroom

55. Mommy - our little pond

56. sound butler - sea foam

57. Kotsaku - Bags Grooves

58. Wenzel - Depiction

59. twuan - Not the Same

60. Grey Stylez - Over You

61. Le Pug - Lint

62. Blue Motyl - Joy Fever

63. Made in M - Pero Asi

64. Made in M - Lakshmana

65. howiewonder - reminisce

66. PINANO - Home Roots

67. s. lyre - too early

68. Wun Two - Sk8teing in Central Park

69. karavelo - Snitchfoot

70. Giorgio Robertini - 18+

71. titicon - giant steps

72. Giorgio Robertini - Flavour

73. Aaarly - Doze

74. bluntone - Pillars of Creation

75. Sitza - Break

76. Kelly Kane - So Slow

77. Wun Two - savacu

78. Koloso - Chasette

79. Prism Sorrow - Concrete

80. Robomani - Solidarity

81. Arlos - Eclipse

82. V. James - Slow Groov

83. illflower - all is love

84. Bokki - Saturdays

85. evän - foggy

86. Kotsaku - Second Stage

87. Synkop - Triplets

88. Nyans - Shades of Chill

89. wavcrush - linens

90. MF Eistee - Chimney

91. Hi Hat Henry - Soul Kitchen

92. Wun Two - donna che sogna

93. Trixie Muff - Front Yard

94. Psalm Trees - Tenderly

95. Zifon - Alleviate

96. mihimaru GT - エボ★レボリューション

97. Ali - Wild Side

98. Linked Horizon - 心臓を捧げよ!

99. 浅野隼人 - 雲雀東風

100. Linked Horizon - 暁の鎮魂歌

101. Linked Horizon - 憧憬と屍の道 [TV Size]

102. SOUL'd OUT - ALIVE

103. SOUL'd OUT - Catwalk

104. 神聖かまってちゃん - 夕暮れの鳥 - TV size

105. Marty Robbins - Big Iron

106. Ali - LOST IN PARADISE

107. Linked Horizon - 紅蓮の弓矢

108. Linked Horizon - 愛の放浪者 - Vocalized Version

109. Linked Horizon - 紅蓮の座標

110. Linked Horizon - 虚ろな月の下で - Vocalized Version

111. Linked Horizon - 彼の者の名は… - Vocalized Version

112. Linked Horizon - 自由の翼

113. Linked Horizon - 青春は花火のように

114. Linked Horizon - もしこの壁の中が一軒の家だとしたら

115. Linked Horizon - 風が吹いた日 - Piano Solo Version

from dopingconsommecomplex http://dailyfeed.jp/feed/23378/2021-01-30 http://www.rssmix.com/ from complex fc2 dcons, https://dopingcomplex.blogspot.com/2021/01/20210130-httpdailyfeedjpfeed233782021.html

#complex fc2 dcons #dopingconsomme blog fc2 #January 31 #2021 at 09:19AM

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earlosharpauthor · 9 months

Text

Sleepless (08/23/23)

So many nights I've spent

staring at a screen

instead of the inside of my eyelids,

in hopes that it will bring change

that will never come.

Even the crickets are quiet now,

in the small hours of the night.

They don't feel

that they must sing for me always.

// E Arlo Sharp

#creative writing #personal writing #writing #mental health #sleepless #e arlo sharp #screen #staring #crickets #poetry #prose #short writing #earlosharp

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avinmotion · 4 years

Photo

CES 2020 | Top 20

HZ2000 OLED TV (Master HDR OLED Professional panel supporting Dolby Vision IQ and Filmmaker Mode) by Panasonic

Filmmaker Mode by UHD Alliance

Simulated Reality Development Kit (32” 8K Spatial Desktop machine) by Dimenco

ThinkPad X1 Fold (13.3″ OLED Foldable Display, up to 1TB NVMe, Win 10 Pro, up to 11hr battery) by Lenovo

Looking Glass 8K Immersive Display by Looking Glass Factory

ConceptD 7 Ezel (Pro) Notebook (with Nvidia Quadro RTX 5000) by Acer

Q950TS 8K QLED TV (Infinity Screen) by Samsung

ThinkVision Creator Extreme (27" HDR1000, 1152 mini-LED zones and 10,368 LEDs for dynamic local dimming) by Lenovo

ConceptD 700 Workstation by Acer

DoubleTake (the next-generation in digital binoculars) by NexOpticTech

ONE R 1-Inch Edition (co-engineerd with Leica) by Insta360

Teslasuit Glove by Teslasuit

Bluetooth LE Audio Standard (The Next-Generation of Bluetooth Audio) by Bluetooth SIG

Smartglasses Light Drive System (World’s first all-day transparency smartglasses solution) by Bosch

JBL Bar 9.1 True Wireless Surround Sound (supports Dolby Vision & Atmos, Airplay 2 and Chromecast) by JBL

Vidrian Mini-LED TV (World’s First Mini-LED TV) by TCL Electronics

etee (Complete Control in 3D) by TG0

Envy 32 All-in-One Workstation (with Nvidia RTX graphics) by HP

Lyve Drive Mobile System (collection of modular storage solutions) by Seagate

Ultra High Speed HDMI Cable Certification Program by HDMI Licensing Administration

What also caught my eye

Meural Canvas II (photography—all in one frame) by Meural (Netgear)

Elevate P-Series model Soundbar (sports rotating speakers and support for Dolby Atmos and DTS:X) by VIZIO

Trio Wireless Charging Pad by Satechi

TBT3-UDZ Thunderbolt 3 and USB-C Docking Station (with 10GbE, 100W charging) by Plugable

NVMe PCIe Gen 4.0 M.2 SSD by Kingston Technology

Canvas Plus line SD UHS-II Cards by Kingston Technology

HomeKit Smart Lock (uses physical NFC keys) by Netatmo

90″ See-Through Display by Sharp

Airmega (works with Google Assistant) by Coway

OptiPlex 7070 Ultra by Dell

BLK2GO by Leica Geosystems

360 Anywhere (8K Portable 360º Camera) by Teche

EyeOn (eye-powered tablet control) by EyeTech

Smart Frame (digital picture frame) by Lenovo

VG-879 8K HDR Digital Video Signal Generator (HDMI 2.1) by AstroDesign

VA-1847 HDMI 2.1 Protocol Analyzer by AstroDesign

Mimic Go by Smart Mimic

Dock Wave (Wireless Charger, Powerbank and Docking Station) by Alogic

Ultra HD VR Eyeglasses by Panasonic

Home Center 3 by Fibaro

ATOM 500 Wireless Video System by Vaxis

XTAL 8K VR Headset by VRgineers

Pimax Vision Artisan VR Headset by Pimax

Pimax 5K SUPER VR Headset by Pimax

Amplify Glass Anti-Microbial Screen Protector by Otterbox

Go:Livecast (Livestreaming Studio for your phone) by Roland

A-88MKII Keyboard (with MIDI 2.0 and USB-C) by Roland

Tiger Lake Processors (Next-generation Core mobile platform) by Intel

DG1 Discrete Graphics Card (Xe GPU platform) by Intel

Horseshoe Bend 17″ foldable OLED Tablet Concept (with Tiger Lake mobile processor platform) by Intel

Thunderbolt 4 ( four times as fast as USB 3.0) by Intel

Portégé X30L-G 13″ Notebook by Dynabook (Toshiba)

HD 350BT/450BT Wireless Noise-Cancelling Over-ear Headphones by Sennheiser

Pro Rugged Memory Card Collection by Manfrotto

Xsens DOT (Precision Motion Tracking) by Xsens

The Wall Micro LED TV (new sizes) by Samsung

LG Signature Rollable OLED TV by LG

Project Archery 2.0 Headset Display by TCL Electronics

LG Signature 8K OLED TV R by LG

LG Cylinder OLED by LG

LG Light Field OLED by LG

H9G Quantum 4K ULED TV (180 Local Dimming Zones, 1000-nits PB, Quantum Dot WCG, Dolby Vision & Atmos) by Hisense

A9S 4K Master Series OLED TV (with support for Airplay 2 and HomeKit) by Sony

Z8H 8K Full Array LED TV (with support for Airplay 2 and HomeKit) by Sony

Laser TV L5 Series Ultra Short Throw Laser Projector by Hisense

3D Real-Time Video Camera (Light Field) by Wooptix

Predator CG552K 55” UHD OLED Gaming Monitor (120Hz Nvidia G-Sync) by Acer

M-Byte e-SUV by BYTON

Ocean EV Crossover by Fisker

Mustang Mach-E by Ford

Vision AVTR Electric Concept Car by Mercedes

Vision-S Electric Concept Car by Sony

AI:Me Self-driving Concept Car by Audi

Virtual Visor by Bosch

SenseGlove DK1 by SenseGlove

IQbuds² MAX Smart Earphone (with Hybrid Active Noise Cancellation) by Nuheara

NextMind Dev Kit by NextMind

Smart Tab M10 FHD Plus 2nd Gen (with Google Assistant) by Lenovo

ThinkBook Plus (with E Ink Display) by Lenovo

8K Signal Generator by Murideo

Wi-Fi 6E Standard by Wi-Fi Alliance

Mevo Start (livestreaming video camera) by Mevo

50mm F1.8 Anamorphic Lens (for APS-C) by SIRUI

Q9U XLR/USB Dynamic Broadcast Microphone (with XLR output and 24-bit/96kHz USB-C connectivity) by Samson

RZ-S500W Wireless Earbuds (with Dual Hybrid Noise Cancelling Technology) by Panasonic

EAH-AZ70W Wireless Earbuds (Dual Hybrid Noise Cancelling Technology) by Technics

Galaxy Chromebook (with 13.3″ 4K AMOLED screen) by Samsung

ONE R (Twin Edition) by Insta360

GPS Smart Remote by Insta360

10th-gen H-series Processors by Intel

ZenBook Duo Dual-Display Notebook by ASUS

Chromebook Flip (with Intel 10th Gen. processors) by ASUS

48″ 4K OLED TV by LG

Hexagon Light Panels by Nanoleaf

Learning Series by Nanoleaf

8TB SSD Slim Prototype Drive (with transfer speeds up to 20Gb/s) by SanDisk

Dual Drive Luxe USB-C (1TB Dual Connector Drive) by SanDisk

PowerBlock lineup GaN-Based Wall Chargers (come in 30W, 45W, and 96W) by Griffin

Omnia Series GaN-Based Wall Chargers by Aukey

Wemo WiFi Smart Plug (integrate’s with HomeKit, Alexa and Google Assistant) by Wemo (Belkin)

Wemo Stage��Control Accessory (integrate’s with HomeKit) by Wemo (Belkin)

Boost Charge USB-C GaN Wall Chargers (come in 30W, 60W, and 68W) by Belkin

Boost Charge 3-in-1 Wireless Charger by Belkin

Boost Charge Dual Wireless Charging Pads by Belkin

Boost Charge Wireless Charging Stand and Speaker by Belkin

Boost Charge Wireless Car Charger by Belkin

Boost Charge Portable Wireless Charger and Stand Special Edition by Belkin

Velop WiFi 6 System by Linksys

Linksys Wellness Pod by Linksys / Origin Wireless

Wacom ONE FHD Pen Display (with support for Android) by Wacom

Soundform Elite HiFi Smart Speaker (with Google Assistant) by Belkin

Chora Speaker Range (with incorporated Dolby Atmos technology) by Focal

Concept UFO by Alienware (Dell)

Concept Duet (dual-screen laptop) by Dell

Concept Ori (folding tablet PC) by Dell

Ryzen 7 4000-series Processors by AMD

Threadripper 3990X (64-core, world's fastest processor) by AMD

Radeon RX5600 Series GFX Cards by AMD

Nighthawk AX6 AX5400 WiFi 6 6-Stream Router (RAX50) by Netgear

Nighthawk Mesh WiFi 6 System (MK62) by Netgear

Netgear AX1800 4-Stream WiFi 6 Mesh Extender (EAX20) by Netgear

Ballie Robot Assistant by Samsung

HDMI Surge Protector by Metra

Junior3 EDID Regenerator by Metra

D780 DSLR Camera by Nikon

Coolpix P950 Superzoom by Nikon

EOS-1D X Mark III DSLR Camera (FF CMOS Sensor, 4K60 10-Bit 4:2:2, Canon Log and 5.5K Raw Video) by Canon

Mirage Smart Speaker (Immersive Sound Experience with Flexible AMOLED Display) by Royole

RoWrite 2 by Royole

RoTree (display tree) by Royole

NC10 series Mini PC (based on Intel Whiskey Lake) by Shuttle

LG Signature WineCellar by LG

SoundSticks 4 (Celebrates 20 Years of Iconic Speaker Design) by Harmon Kardon

Vizio OLED TV by VIZIO

P-Series Quantum X LED LCD TV (792 dimmable light zones) by VIZIO

Hades Canyon NUC (NUC 8) by Intel

The Frame (new sizes) by Samsung

Sero TV (Horizontal/Vertical Screen) by Samsung

HDfury Diva triggering UHD Alliance Filmmaker Mode by HDfury

Q91 75″ 8K IPS LED TV (with Dolby Atmos 2.1.2) by Skyworth

RealMax 100 (100.8° Large FoV AR Glasses) by RealMax

Muzo (Portable App-enabled Sound Machine) by Celestial Tribe

LoCoMoGo (learn code through play) by LoCoMoGo

AONIC 50 Wireless Headphone by Shure

AONIC 215 Wireless Earbuds by Shure

Deco Wi-Fi 6 Mesh Routers by TP-Link

Inspire Studio by Zotac

ZBOX Edge MI643 (Mini PC) by Zotac

EF-100 Smart Streaming Wireless Laser Projectors (with Android TV) by Epson

Codi (Interactive AI-enabled Smart Toy) by Pillar Learning

Smart Doorlock (with Apple HomeKit support) by Netatmo

Nixplay N by Nixplay

Neo 2 Eye VR Headset (world’s first commercial standalone VR headset with native eye tracking) by Pico / Tobii

Thunderbolt 3 Pro Dock (featuring 10GbE) by OWC

Elite Dragonfly G2 Notebook by HP

Spectrex360 15″ Convertible Notebook (with 4K OLED Screen option) by HP

COLORFUL ProMaster H1 by Colorful Technology

HaptX Gloves by HaptX

RoomMe with support for Alexa, Google Assistant, Siri by Intellithings

ThinkCentre M90a AIO (All-in-One Desktop PC) by Lenovo

ThinkSmart View (Microsoft Teams) by Lenovo

VAVA 4K Dash Cam by VAVA

Arlo Pro 3 Wireless Floodlight Camera by Arlo (Netgear)

Kamvas 13 Pen Display (featuring dual Type-C ports) by Huion

Club ONE over-ear Headphone (with True Adaptive Noise-Cancellation technology) by JBL

Gaming/esport related

Aegis Ti5 (The World’s First HMI Oriented Gaming Desktop) by MSI

MEG381CQR (The World’s First HMI Oriented Curved Gaming Monitor) by MSI

MEG342CQR (The World’s First 1000R Curved Gaming Monitor) by MSI

Optix MAG161 Portable IPS Monitor (Type-C, 240Hz) by MSI

UpStream Pro Video Production Switch (all-in-one multi-channel mixer) by IOGEAR

UpStream 4K Game Capture Hub (capture, mix, and stream live videos in HD UVC format) by IOGEAR

BIG O 2020 Edition (features liquid cooled PC with an integrated Xbox or PS4, and an Elgato 4K60 capture card) by ORIGIN PC / Corsair

Quantum Series Gaming Headphones (with echo-cancelling boom mics) by JBL

Key Light Air by Elgato

4k60 S+ (Portable Dedicated HEVC 4K60 HDR Video Capture over USB 3.0 and/or an SD card) by Elgato

Corsair iCUE now works with ASUS Aura Sync by Corsair / ASUS

FireCuda Gaming SSD (Portable NVMe SSD, USB 3.2 Gen 2x2, up to 2TB, and customizable RGB lights) by Seagate

BarraCuda Fast SSD (Portable SSD up to 2TB with USB-C up to 540MB/s) by Seagate

Legion M600 Wireless Gaming Mouse by Lenovo

Legion M300 RGB Gaming Mouse by Lenovo

Legion K300 RGB Gaming Keyboard by Lenovo

Xenia 15.6″ Gaming Laptop by XPG

Zephyrus G15 Notebook (AMD Ryzen 7 4800HS-powered) by ASUS

Zero 2 Controller (for Nintendo Switch) by 8Bitdo

Odyssey G9 Gaming Monitor (5120x1140 @ 240Hz) by Samsung

ROG Swift 360 (World’s First 360Hz Monitor powered by Nvidia G-Sync) by ASUS

ROG (Republic of Gamers) Strix GA/GT Gaming Desktops by ASUS

ROG (Replublic of Games) Zephyrus G14 (The World’s Fastest 14” Gaming Laptop) by ASUS

Zotac VR backpack (with Nvidia RTX graphics) by Zotac

Legion Y740S Gaming Laptop by Lenovo

Legion BoostStation eGPU by Lenovo

G5 15 SE Gaming Laptop by Dell

Alienware 25 Gaming Monitor (AW2521HF) by Alienware (Dell)

Cloud Flight S Headset (with Qi wireless charging) by HyperX

ChargePlay Base (15W) by HyperX

Archer GX90 AX6600 Tri-band WiFi 6 Gaming Router by TP-Link

Sila (5G Home Router Concept) by Razer

Tomahawk (Gaming Desktop & Chassis) by Razer

NC100 Enclosure by Cooler Master

Arcadeo Gaming Chair (The World’s First Connected Gaming Chair) by Arcadeo

LEO Cabinet System (The World's First Self Service VR Arcade) by VRLEO

AORUS RTX 2080 Ti Gaming Box (he World's First Water-cooled eGPU) by Gigabyte

AORUS RAID SSD 2TB Expansion Card by Gigabyte

AERO 15 OLED Notebook for Creators (240Hz) by Gigabyte

AERO 17 HDR Notebook for Creators (144Hz) by Gigabyte

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supersportsnewsblog · 5 years

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Amazon Deals | Walmart Deals | Apple Deals | TV Deals | Gaming Deals | Laptop Deals | iPhone Deals Springtime savings are in full swing as retailers offer clearance sales to make room for next gen tech. Frugal shoppers can score significant discounts on everything from laptops to game consoles. For instance, the Xbox One S 1TB Titanfall 2/Sunset Overdrive Console Bundle is on sale for $185 via coupon, "ALT33X" at Rakuten. That's $175 off and the lowest price we've ever seen for the console. This bundle includes a white 1TB Xbox One S 1TB console, a matching wireless controller, a Tiitanfall 2 game disc, and a Sunset Overdrive game disc.Whether you're upgrading to a 4K Smart TV or purchasing your first smart device, here are the best tech deals in April. Amazon Hardware DealsAmazon is currently offering many of its branded devices at discounted pricing. * Echo Input Device for $19.99 ($15 off) [NEW] * Echo Dot Kids Edition for $34.99 ($35 off) [NEW] * Echo Plus 2nd Gen for $149.99 ($15 off) [NEW] * Echo Dot 3rd Gen (2-Pack) for $89.98 ($10 off) [NEW] * Echo Dot 3rd Gen w/ 2-Bulb Smart Light Starter Kit for $89.99 ($110 off) * Echo 2nd Generation w/ Amazon Smart Plug for $114.98 ($10 off) * Echo 2nd Generation (2-Pack) for $169.98 ($30 off) * All-new Kindle w/ 3 mos of Kindle Unlimited for $89.99 ($30 off) * All-new Kindle Essentials w/ 3 mos of Kindle for $125 ($45 off) * All-new Kindle Paperwhite Essentials Bundle for $169.97 ($20 off) * All-New Fire HD 8 Tablet w/ Show Mode Dock for $109.98 ($10 off) * Echo Dot Kids Edition + Fire HD 8 Kids Edition for $149.98 ($50 off) * Echo Dot Kids Edition + Fire 7 Kids Edition for $129.98 ($40 off) * Ring Smart Lighting Spotlights (2-pack) for $99.99 ($30 off) Top Tech Deals Right Now * Sony WH1000XM3 Wireless Headphones (Renewed) for $259.99 ($90 off) [PRICE DROP] * Audio Technica ATH-MSR7NC SonicPro Headphones for $165 ($134 off) * Apple AirPods Earbuds for $147 ($12 off) * Bissell Bolt Pet Cordless Vacuum for $59.99 ($30 off) * Bose Solo 5 TV Sound System for $199 ($50 off) * Bose SoundTouch 300 Soundbar for $499 ($200 off) * Nintendo Switch Pro Controller for $56.99 ($13 off) * Samsung Chromebook Plus 2-in-1 for $494 ($106 off, Core M3/4GB/64GB) * Soundcore Life 2 Over-Ear Headphones for $60 ($20 off) TV Deals * Samsung 65-inch NU7300 4K UHD Curved Smart TV for $749.99 ($150 off) [NEW] * Samsung 65-inch QLED Smart 4K UHD TV for $1,099 ($1,100 off via coupon, "BD1DAY") * Vizio 50-inch 4K UHD Smart TV w/ HDR for $298 ($200 off) * Sharp 65-inch 4K Smart TV for $549.99 ($250 off) * RCA 55-inch 4K UHD LED TV for $289.99 ($410 off) * TCL 55-inch 4K UHD (2160p) Roku Smart TV for $419.99 ($279 off) Tech Under $50 * TP-Link AC1750 Smart WiFi Router for $46.99 ($33 off) * Mathis Amplified HD TV Antenna for $18.99 ($8 off) * AmazonBasics LED Gaming Mouse Pad for $23 ($12 off) * AmazonBasics Lightning to USB A Cable for $6 ($2 off) * AmazonBasics Mini DisplayPort to DisplayPort Cable for $7 ($2 off) * AmazonBasics High-Speed HDMI Cable (2-Pack) for $4 ($5 off) * BrexLink Braided USB Type-C Cable for $9.99 ($20 off) Smartwatch Deals * Amazfit Bip Smartwatch for $69.99 ($30 off) * Amazfit Pace Smartwatch for $114.95 ($45 off) * TicWatch E Bluetooth Smartwatch for $109.99 ($50 off) * Garmin Approach X40 Activity Tracker for $173 ($77 off) * Sony Version 1 Smartwatch for $69.50 ($80 off) * Garmin Vivofit 3 Activity Tracker for $58 ($45 off) Phones * iPhone X Unlocked for $699.99 ($200 off) * Samsung Galaxy S10e w/ Gear Fit 2 Pro Smartwatch for $699.99 ($50 off) * Samsung Galaxy S10 w/ Gear Sport Smartwatch for $849.99 ($50 off) * Samsung Galaxy S10+ w/ Gear Sport Smartwatch for $949.99 ($50 off) * Samsung Galaxy S9 Unlocked for $479.99 ($240 off) * Apple iPhone SE Unlocked for $249 ($100 off) * Razer Phone 2 Unlocked for $499.99 ($300 off) * Up to $400 Best Buy Gift Card with iPhone trade-in Cameras * Blink XT Home Security Camera System for $79.99 ($50 off) [NEW] * Fujifilm Instax Mini 9 Camera for $49.99 ($20 off) [NEW] * Arlo Wireless 4-Camera Home Security System for $249.99 ($200 off) * Fujifilm X-T20 Mirrorless Digital Camera for $689 ($311 off) * Panasonic Lumix FZ80 4K Digital Camera for $298 ($101 off) * Canon PowerShot SX530 Digital Camera for $249 ($130 off) Games and Consoles * MS Xbox One S 1TB Titanfall 2, Sunset Overdrive Bundle for $185 ($175 off via coupon, "ALT33X") [NEW] * Ni no Kuni 2 Revenant Kingdom for PS4 for $9.99 ($10 off) [NEW] * Zombie Vikings for Xbox One for $2 ($10 off, ends 4/8) * Xbox Game Pass 3-Month Membership for $29.99 ($30 off) * Up to $40 off Xbox One Games at Microsoft * Far Cry New Dawn for Xbox One for $19.99 ($20 off) * Sony PlayStation Classic Console for $39 ($60 off) * Red Dead Redemption 2 for PS4 for $38 ($22 off) * Marvel's Spider-Man for PS4 for $31 ($29 off) * Call of Duty: Black Ops for PS4 for $30 ($30 off) * Xbox One X 1TB PUBG Bundle for $373 ($127 off) * Xbox One S 1TB Forza Horizon 4 Bundle for $215 ($85 off)

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tortuga-aak · 6 years

Text

The 25 best Cyber Monday deals of 2017 we found so far

The Insider Picks team writes about stuff we think you'll like. Business Insider has affiliate partnerships, so we get a share of the revenue from your purchase.

Cyber Monday is one of the best days of the year to buy great gadgets at discounted prices. Everything from TVs to tablets, to speakers and headphones is on sale.

Because thousands of deals are going on at the same time, it can be a challenge to find the best ones, which is why we've done the legwork for you. Below are Cyber Monday tech deals we already know about from major retailers like Amazon, Target, Best Buy, Macy's, and Walmart.

We've broken down the deals by category for your convenience, and we'll update this page as more become available, so keep it bookmarked.

Here are some of the top tech deals to look forward to on Cyber Monday:

Smartphone: Huawei Mate 9 phone, $399 (originally 499.99) [You save $100] (Amazon)

Smartphone: Motorola Moto G5 Plus 32GB, $199.99 (originally $229.99) [You save $30] (Jet)

Headphones: Status Audio CB1, $55 (originally $79) [You save $24] (Amazon)

Headphones: Sennheiser HD 4.40 Around Ear Bluetooth Wireless Headphones, $99.95 (originally $149.95) [You save $50]

Tablet: Fire Tablet, $29.99 (originally $49.99) [You save $20]

Smart Home: Sonos One, $174 (originally $199) [You save $25]

Smart Home: Amazon Echo, $79.99 (originally $99.99) [You save $20]

Smart Home: Samsung SmartThings Hub, $49 (originally $99.99) [You save $50.99] (Amazon)

Smart Home: Nest Thermostat, $199.99 (originally $249.99) [You save $50] (Target)

Smart Home: Fire TV Stick + Echo Dot bundle, $54.98 (originally $89.99) [You save $35] (Amazon)

Smart Home: Philips Hue White A19 Starter Kit E26, $59.99 (Originally $99.99) [You save $40] (Best Buy)

Smart Home: Philips Hue White and Color Ambiance Smart Bulb Starter Kit, 4 bulbs, $159.96 (originally $199.99) [You save $40] (Amazon)

TV: Sony 70-Inch 4K Ultra HD Smart LED TV (2017 Model) $1,198.00 (originally $1,999.99) [You save $801.99] (Amazon)

TV: Samsung Electronics UN55MU8000 55-Inch 4K Ultra HD Smart LED TV, $897.99 (originally $1,499.99) [You save $300] (Amazon)

TV: Sharp 60" LED 2160p Smart 4K TV, $599.99 (Originally $799.99) [You save $200] (Best Buy)

TV: VIZIO 55" Class 4K (2160P) Full Array LED TV, $398 [You save $200] (Walmart)

Computer: Acer Aspire 15.6" Full HD, 7th Gen Intel Core, 8GB, Windows 10 Home, $499 [You save $100] (Walmart)

Computer: Huawei MateBook X Signature Edition 13" Laptop, $799 (originally $1,099.99) [You save $300.99] (Amazon)

Wearable: Fitbit Charge 2, $99.99 (originally $149.99) [You save $50] (Macy's)

Wearable: Garmin vívosmart HR+ Regular Fit GPS Activity Tracker, $119.95 (originally $199.99) [You save $90] (Amazon)

Wearable: Mio SLICE Heart Rate + Activity Tracker, $30 - $40 (originally $129) [You save $89 - $99] (Amazon)

Kids STEM Toy: Osmo Genius Kit, $74.25 (originally $99.99) [You save $25] (Amazon)

Router: NETGEAR Orbi Whole Home Mesh WiFi System, $279.99 (originally $399.99) [You save $120] (Amazon)

Router + Smart home: Samsung Connect Home Smart Wi-Fi System (3-Pack), $249 (originally $379.99) [You save $130.99] (Amazon)

Router + Smart home: Samsung Connect Home Smart Wi-Fi System (Single), $98.95 (originally $169.99) [You save $71.05] (Amazon)

You can also check out our many tech gift guides for tech under $100, tech under $25, tech under $50, tech gifts for women, tech stocking stuffers, and tech for iPhone lovers.

Follow all of our 2017 Cyber Monday deals coverage here.

The best computer deals

Steve Kovach/Business Insider

Apple MacBook Pro 15" 8GB Memory 256GB Flash Storage, $2,149.99 (Originally $2,399.99) [You save $250] (Best Buy)

Apple MacBook Pro 15" 16GB Memory 512GB Flash Storage, $2,549.99 (Originally $2,799.99) [You save $250] (Best Buy)

HP 2-in-1 13.3" Touch-Screen Laptop, $949.99 (Originally $1,349.99) [You save $400] (Best Buy)

Acer Aspire 15.6" Full HD, 7th Gen Intel Core, 8GB, Windows 10 Home, $499 [You save $100] (Walmart)

Huawei MateBook X Signature Edition 13" Laptop, $799 (originally $1,099.99) [You save $300.99] (Amazon)

Huawei MateBook E Signature Edition 12" 2-in-1 Laptop Tablet, $673 (originally $999.99)[You save $326.99] (Amazon)

WD 2TB Elements Desktop Hard Drive, $69.99 (originally $129.99) [You save $60] (Amazon)

ASUS ZenBook 3 UX390UA 12.5" Ultraportable Laptop Intel Core i7-7500U KabyLake 16GB RAM 512GB SATA SSD, $1049 (originally $1,299) [You save $250] (Amazon)

Dell Inspiron 3265 AIO Desktop, $359.99 (originally $439.00) [You save $79.01] (Amazon)

Acer Aspire R 15 Convertible Laptop, 7th Gen Intel Core i7, GeForce 940MX, 15.6" Full HD Touch, 12GB DDR4, 256GB SSD, $699.99 (originally $849.99) [You save $150] (Amazon)

Nuance Dragon Naturally Speaking Home 13.0, $34.99 (originally $99.99) [You save $65] (Amazon)

Microsoft Office 365 Home 1-Year Subscription for 5 users, $64.99 (originally $84.99) [You save $20] (Amazon)

The best TV deals

Sony

TVs

Sony XBR55X900E 55-Inch 4K Ultra HD Smart LED TV, $998 (originally $1,298) [You save $300] (Amazon)

Sony 70-Inch 4K Ultra HD Smart LED TV (2017 Model) $1,198.00 (originally $1,999.99) [You save $801.99] (Amazon)

Samsung Electronics UN55MU8000 55-Inch 4K Ultra HD Smart LED TV, $897.99 (originally $1,499.99) [You save $300] (Amazon)

LG Electronics OLED65C7P 65-Inch 4K Ultra HD Smart OLED TV, $2,696.99 (originally $3,197) [You save $500.01] (Amazon)

Samsung Flat 55" LED 4K UHD The Frame SmartTV (2017 Model), $1,997.99 (originally $2,399.99) [You save $402] (Jet)

VIZIO 55" Class 4K (2160P) Full Array LED TV, $398 (originally $448) [You save $50] (Jet)

VIZIO 55" Class 4K (2160P) Smart XLED Home Theater Display, $898 (originally $998) [You save $100] (Jet)

Samsung 65 Inch Curved 4K Ultra HD Smart TV, $1,497.99 (originally $1,697) [You save $199] (Jet)

Insignia 50" LED 2160p Smart 4K Ultra HD TV Roku TV, $349.99 (originally $449.99) [You save $100] (Best Buy)

Sony 70" LED 2160p Smart 4K Ultra HD TV, $1,199.99 (originally $1,799.99) [You save $600] (Best Buy)

VIZIO 55" Class 4K (2160P) Full Array LED TV, $398 (originally $548) [You save $150] (Walmart)

Samsung 49" Class Curved 4K, Smart LED TV, $678 (originally $899) [You save $221] (Walmart)

Projectors

BenQ DLP HD 1080p Projector (HT2050), $629 (originally $699) [You save $70] (Amazon)

BenQ MH530FHD 1080p Projector, $499 (originally $549) [You save $50] (Amazon)

Epson Home Cinema 2040 1080p 3D 3LCD Home Theater Projector, $549.99 (originally $799.99) [You save $250] (Amazon)

Streaming sticks

Roku Streaming Stick+, $48 (originally $69.99) [You save $21.99] (Amazon)

Google Chromecast Ultra, $54 (originally $69) [You save $15] (Jet)

NVIDIA Shield TV, $169 (originally $199.99) [You save $30.99] (Amazon)

The best smart home deals

Amazon

Smart home gear

Philips Hue White and Color Ambiance Smart Bulb Starter Kit, 4 bulbs, $159.96 (originally $199.99) [You save $40.03] (Amazon)

Samsung Connect Home Smart Wi-Fi System (3-Pack), $249 (originally $379.99) [You save $130.99] (Amazon)

Eufy Lumos Smart Bulb, $13.99 (originally $19.99) [You save $6] (Amazon)

Samsung SmartThings Outlet, $32.99 (originally $44.99) [You save $12] (Amazon)

Samsung SmartThings Sensor, $19.99 (originally $39.99) [You save $20] (Amazon)

Samsung Connect Home Smart Wi-Fi System (Single), $95.99 (originally $169.99) [You save $74] (Amazon)

Nest Thermostat, $199 (originally $249) [You save $50] (Target)

Samsung SmartThings Hub, $49 (originally $99.99) [You save $50.99] (Amazon)

ecobee4 Alexa-Enabled Thermostat with Sensor, $199 (originally $249) [You save $50] (Amazon)

Hunter Symphony Ceiling Fan with Wi-Fi Capability, $224.25 (originally $299) [You save $75] (Amazon)

Chamberlain Smart Garage Hub, $79.99 (originally 99.99) [You save $20] (Amazon)

Smart robot vacuum cleaners

Hoover Power Scrub Deluxe Carpet Washer, $99 (originally $219.99) [You save $120.99] (Amazon)

Smart cameras

Nest Cam, $139.99 (originally $199.99) [You save $60] (Target)

Amazon Cloud Cam, $99.99 (originally $119.99) [You save $20] (Amazon)

Ring Video Doorbell Pro, $199 (originally $249) [You save $50] (Amazon)

Arlo Pro Security Camera, $199.99 (originally $249.99) [You save $50.99] (Amazon)

Smart speakers

Google Home Mini, $29.99 (originally $49.99) [You save $20] (Target, Bed Bath & Beyond, Best Buy)

Google Home, $79.99 (originally $129.99) [You save $50] (Bed Bath & Beyond, Best Buy, Target, Walmart)

Echo, $79.99 (originally $99.99) [You save $20] (Amazon)

Echo Plus, $119.99 (originally $149.99) [You save $30] (Amazon)

Echo Dot, 29.99 (originally $49.99) [You save $20] (Amazon)

Echo Show, $179.99 (originally $229.99) [You save $50] (Amazon)

Sonos One, $174 (originally $199) [You save $25] (Amazon)

Echo Plus, $119.99 (originally $149.99) [You save $30] (Amazon)

See the rest of the story at Business Insider from Feedburner http://ift.tt/2zFuzWD

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earlosharpauthor · 9 months

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Inner Machinations (08/19/23)

In the moment where you feel

the inner machinations of your own body,

one of two things will happen:

You will feel the joy of life,

or the dread of it.

Every pulsating heartbeat,

every shift of muscle tissue,

reminds you that you are human,

for better or for worse.

// E Arlo Sharp

#creative writing #personal writing #writing #poetry #blogging #mental health #alive #body #self awareness #Hyperawareness #joy #Despair #human #e arlo sharp #earlosharp

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earlosharpauthor · 10 months

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A Recovering Existentialist (07/06/23)

As a child, I struggled with the fear that I would die in my sleep. I would intentionally keep myself awake, feeling every heartbeat ricochet off my ribs and resonate through the rest of my body. Ba-dum. Ba-dum. Ba-dum. The more I thought about it, the faster it got, until it exploded into a cacophony of unintelligible thoughts and feelings. I couldn’t control it. In fact, at one point I was hospitalized for it. Anxiety. At least, that’s what the papers always said.

As I grew older the fear of dying in my sleep slowly subsided. I realized that hey, if I can make it 10 times out of the 10 I remembered, I was probably fine. But that doesn’t mean my thoughts never drifted. “What exactly am I? What’s my place in the grand scheme of things? Why do I exist?”

These types of thoughts are hard to shake. The proposition of it all really digs its heels into your psyche, questioning the very brain itself as to what its purpose truly is. They’re hard questions to provide answers for. It’s not like some great being is going to reach its giant hand down to you and guide you towards true enlightenment. For some, maybe, but for me, religion or the thought of a higher power never really comforted me. So, I was left to fend for myself, searching amongst a sea of memories for some kind of answer.

Then, from a point not shy of as far back as I can remember, therapy started.

According to my mother I was 7 when I started, but any recollection of that is vague at best. I remember the face of a woman in a neatly-kept office, with lots of fun educational toys and craft supplies. She and I never used them, but I remember seeing them there. I remember looking into her eyes every once in a while, nothing more than a fleeting glance. Eye contact. That was something else I struggled with.

The term “Anxiety” has always been thrown around a lot within my medical files. While I’ve never seen my official diagnostic sheet, I can only imagine “GENERALIZED ANXIETY DISORDER” is printed in large bold letters somewhere on the list. But, what exactly does that mean? What exactly am I generally anxious about? Does that mean everything?

For me, there was at one point where I really could pinpoint the majority of the anxious thinking:

“Who am I? What am I? What does it all mean?”

As a young adult, after a period of a few years without medical intervention, I started seeing a therapist again. I remember standing on the porch of my now ex-boyfriend’s parents’ home, praying with every ring that they would not pick up. But they did. I very shyly asked how hard it would be to get in with a therapist. They asked me the standard, run-of-the-mill questions, none of which I can remember with specific accuracy. Eventually, they gave me a time and date to come in and fill out paperwork, as well as meet my new therapist. John. That was his name, hopefully I could remember it.

I don’t remember the first appointment itself, but as each appointment came and went, I remember discussing the concept of Existentialism. According to Oxford Languages, Existentialism can be defined as “a philosophical theory or approach which emphasizes the existence of the individual person as a free and responsible agent determining their own development through acts of the will.” In other words, it’s the concept that you are exactly what you think you are. But, what if you don’t know? What if you have absolutely no idea where to start?

We talked through these questions quite extensively, often over the course of several sessions. Other than the day-to-day drama of being a young adult, it was the primary focus of discussion. It truly was a concept that was hard for me to shake from my mind. Throughout the day, I would catch myself staring off into space, (which I later learned would eventually lead to full-blown dissociation for me,) unable to shake the feeling that I didn’t know what my purpose was or why I existed. I told John this, and once in a fleeting moment I felt like I could read his mind. This is a normal thing for an 18-year-old to be thinking, but to hyperfixate it on this much? Now, I don’t know if that’s actually what he was thinking, but in those seconds of watching his normally calm, pleasant face slowly morph into an expression of genuine concern and care, that’s how it felt.

So, we talked. And we talked. And we talked some more. He would ask me questions, and I would answer them. But from the standpoint of medical practice, it was much more than that. These questions would in turn make me myself think about the answers I was providing. For once, the questions I was being asked would produce something substantial, more than an “I don’t know.” These questions made me parse through the same bank of neurons that I was used to parsing, but now, instead of being guided by a single flame of a lighter, someone turned the overhead lights on in the warehouse.

This practice is a part of what is known as Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, or CBT. This practice is designed to rewire the neural pathways in your brain away from unhelpful ways of thinking, in favor of more positive, efficient ways of thinking. For me, this manifested in realizing that my answer to the question of “Why do I exist?” being “I don’t know” was largely unhelpful, at least to me. For some people, not knowing really is a case of “Ignorance is bliss,” and not knowing what exactly we’re all doing here is not a cause for concern. But for me, that wouldn’t cut it. I really, really needed answers, as I often did with other things as well.

Over time, I found myself gently guided in the direction of three main points: To live, to love, to experience. To live is to, quite literally, function. Breathe, eat, sleep, go to the bathroom at 3AM. All of the monotonous things that we don’t really think about most of the time. It’s all just business as usual. To love is to find passion in people, experiences, things. For me, my love has always been writing. It is a direct link to my thoughts, and in turn, helps me process them in a way that makes sense to me. “People'' are where I struggled, but that’s a topic for a different day. Finally, to experience. To experience life is to use the senses you are gifted with to perceive the world around you. Imagine for the moment the feeling you get when you look at a tree. What does it make you think about? Usually your first subconscious thought will be something like, “Yup, that’s a tree.” But then maybe you’ll notice that the trunk is brown, and that the leaves are green. You’ll notice the sound of those leaves rustling in the wind. You’ll notice the smell of the air that you just heard rustling. And it’ll go on, and on, and on, until you arrive at the final resting thought of “Wow, nature sure is nice.” That, my friends, is to experience.

“So what are you supposed to do with this information?” I asked. To live, to love, to experience. Sure, that makes sense, but why? Why do any of that?

And the answer John gave me was one I didn’t want to hear.

“Because.”

… Because what? Because why?

I can remember him smiling.

“Because, it’s what we, as humans, do.”

I could feel a small anger boiling up in me at that point. Why would he present me with such a vague answer and expect me to be satisfied? At that point I probably asked to talk about something else, largely to avoid confrontation.

But after that point, outside of therapy, I would find myself thinking of his response. “It’s what we, as humans, do.” Those three key points really are the essence of the human experience. It’s the constant that can be traced just as far back as we ourselves can be traced. If it worked for early humans, it should work for us too.

So, what is the takeaway from all of this? As an adult a few years past the teen years, I can tell you this much: You really do stop thinking about it all the time. Being alive becomes natural to you; you run through a day’s tasks without a second thought, and go to bed feeling accomplished about the things that you’ve done that are, in the grand scheme of the universe, inconsequential. But this inconsequentiality can be comforting, in a strange way. Every single decision that you make in your lifetime is not going to affect the fact that long after you’re gone, the sun will die and our solar system will collapse. The fact that you had a piece of cheesecake with your lunch on Thursday will not at all stop the inevitable progression of time long after we can even think about it progressing. Life goes on, and so do we.

So, stop asking what or why, and start asking yourself how. How can I make my life the most enjoyable it can be? How can I streamline my thoughts into the most positive and efficient little trails of neurons as possible?

And lastly, how can I listen to my own heartbeat, and think about how wonderful the miracle of human consciousness really is?

// E Arlo Sharp

#writing #creative writing #mental health #personal writing #existentialism #therapy #anxiety #generalized anxiety disorder #e arlo sharp #earlosharp

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