#god i do not want to transition into like training now

[canwriteitbetterthanueverfeltit]

how long will I sit in this room hypothetically waiting for small children before I give up and have to go deal with reality

#god i do not want to transition into like training now #personal #library stuff

[pluto247]

The Four Mistakes - pt 1

Katie McCabe x Reader

Warnings: Physical violence

I was by far the youngest player on the Arsenal squad at 17. I signed with Arsenal about a year ago when my foster parents decided that they did not want to have me in the house anymore. So when Jonas called and said that he wanted permission to have me sign a professional contract with Arsenal they immediately said yes. I was fine with that, they only gave me the bare minimum to take care of me besides signing me up for soccer. That is the only thing they did for me that I appreciated, even if it was to have me out of the house more often. 

I obviously could not live on my own, so I moved in with Katie McCabe. Jonas thought it would be nice for me to live with another Irish person. Probably thought it would make the transition a little easier for me, and it did. I feet comfortable living with her and cooper (I absolutely love cooper, he is the bestest boy). Living with Katie felt like home, I know that seems cliché but it was, she was like the older sister I never had. She cared for me, loved me and made me feel special. So after a year of living with Katie, I asked her to become my legal guardian and when she said yes I was ecstatic. I don’t think anything could top that feeling.

My foster parents were more than happy to transfer all legality to Katie, they never truly cared other than the fact that it made them feel better about themselves to adopt me. So when the day came that everything had finally gone though, and she was officially my legal guardian, I felt complete. 

******

Training had just finished up, and Katie was finishing getting ready to leave the locker room.

“Kid, are you coming home with me?” She looked over while grabbing her bag.

“No, I think I am going to study in the media room for a little bit. You know if I go home I will get distracted by the boy and not finish my homework. I need to finish my physics homework tonight so I can be on track to finish this module.” 

“Alright, let me know when you finish up and I can meet you halfway. I have to feed cooper and do our laundry.”

“Ok, I will.”

“See ya in a bit kid.” Katie finished, coming up to me and messing with my hair

“God Katie, I just brushed my hair!” I say while pushing her away, while she left the locker room.

“She only does it because she loves you.” Viv stated

“I know she at least likes me, but could she do it in a less annoying way?”

“Uh, no. Annoying is her love language.” Viv fired back. “Alright, good luck on your studies.” She said standing up.

I waved her and Beth goodbye and made my way to the media room. School was honestly quite easy for me, so when Jonas said that I needed to complete high school I was fine with it. I actually quite enjoyed it, especially since I was in an online school. I could do my coursework whenever and I didn’t have to interact with teenagers my age. So, I dove right into my homework. I was brought out of my head by hearing my phone ring, I blinked for what felt like the first time in two hours. I picked up the phone.

“Kid, are you coming home soon? It is dark outside.” 

“Shit, right. Sorry, I will pack up right now.”

“Oi, thats a pound in the swear jar.”

“That is so unfair, you curse all the time!”

“Just because I do it, doesn’t mean that you can do it.”

“What do you mean? That is totally how it works.”

“No swearing! What would Kim think? Anyways, do ya still want to walk or do ya want me to come get ya in the car?”

“Kim is Scottish, she doesn’t care and if we can still walk that would be nice, I need to stretch my legs a little bit, they are stiff.”

“Yea thats good, I will meet ya halfway. See ya soon kid.”

“See ya soon Katie.”

With that I hung up, finished packing up my bag and put it in my locker. I didn’t really like to do any school work at home because I always get distracted by other things I could be doing, like petting cooper or talking with Caitlin. Caitlin had made plans to hang out with Steph and Kyra earlier so she would not be at Katie’s, which was quite upsetting because Caitlin lets me pick the evening show whereas Katie puts on football every single night. 

Katie's house was only a twenty minute walk from the Arsenal facility and I was thankful that Katie allowed me to have some independence and walk around by myself. It made me feel like I was an adult without actually being an adult and have to worry about adult type things, if you know what I mean. The only thing that she required was that you not walk home by myself in the dark, so she always meets me halfway after the afternoon study session I so often did. 

I was in my own little world thinking about what I needed to finish tomorrow to still be on track to finish the module. That was my first mistake. 

All of a sudden I feel pressure on the back of my neck, and the next thing I know, I am being dragged into an alley and slammed face first into a brick wall. I grunted in pain as I tried to gather my bearings and understand what was happening. The right side of my face was being pushed into the brick wall, and there was still the pressure on the back of my neck.

“Oi, listen closely ya wee lass. Give me all your money and I won’t hurt ya.” A scruffy deep voice said

“I think it is a little late to not hurt me ya bastard.” I retorted. This was my second mistake

I hear a deep growl and that's when I feel myself being spun around, my back now roughly being forced into the brick wall. The pressure on the back of my neck moving to the front of my neck, redistricting my airflow just enough to be bothersome. I could see the man now, he looked homeless, he had a scraggly beard and wild eyes. The thing that really caught my attention was the knife he had in his right hand. This was bad, so bad. Silently, I was hoping Katie was just around the corner so that this interaction stops sometime soon.

“Don’t be a cunt now, give me all your money” He said, waving the knife in front of my face

“If ya would have asked nicely, then maybe, but ya threatened me ya dickhead. So no!”  I responded coarsely. That is when I made my third mistake, I raised my right hand and decked him as hard as I could. Honestly, this wasn’t the smartest move on my part given the current situation, but there was no way I was backing down now and showing weakness.

He stumbled back away from me, dazed. He had let go of me and I took a much needed gulp of air. He turned back slowly toward me looking a lot more unhinged than I could have thought. It made me afraid, so deathly afraid of what he might do to me now.

“Ya little shite, ya gonna regret that!” He yelled as he raised his knife. I tried to back up, but my back met the brick wall. 

I was cornered, shit. He lunged, trying to stab me in the leg. I tried to grab his wrist and prevent any stabbing but I missed, and the knife went straight through my right hand. Everything from that point on went in slow motion. I was so shocked that I  had a knife in my hand that I made the mistake of looking down at my hand. That was my fourth mistake.

 The man took that moment to punch me in the face with enough force to cause me to stumble and land on the ground. With my body against the wall, the man started to repeatedly kick me in the ribs. This was it, this is how I die. Attacked by a homeless man, I wasn’t even a legal adult. How could this be happening to me? The attack seemed to last a lifetime, but in actuality it was probably only a few seconds. Then all of a sudden, it all stopped.  

It took me a couple of seconds to look up, afraid he was waiting for me to look up. However, when I did you look I saw Katie absolutely demolishing this man with no clear intentions of stopping. She was repeatedly wailing on this man like her life depended on it. 

“Katie…” I managed to quietly voice. I am not even sure how she heard as I barely heard myself. But she was next to me in a second, cradling my face gently in both her hands. Her right hand, bloodied and bruised.

“Kid, oh my god. Are ya ok? Shit, um let's hurry up and get ya to a hospital.” She rushed to say, her voice strained holding her emotions at bay.

She helped me to your feet, it hurt like a bitch. My ribs were at least bruised, if not broken. I was incredibly unsteady so she wrapped an arm around my waist to support me. I leaned heavily on her as we hobbled down the alley in the direction of home.

#katie mccabe x reader #katie mccabe #arsenal wfc #woso x reader #woso

[beatrixstonehill2]

"Since you asked so nicely..... this is how well my transition is going, big bro!" Hayley said on a Zoom call, setting up her phone on a tripod to flaunt her extremely pregnant body for her brother, Sean.

"Holy shit, you look incredible. How many kids are crammed in that belly?"

"Hmmmm, good question. I think I feel at least eight? Maybe more?"

"You don't even know how pregnant you are?"

"Nope! It's not that important. My medical team just tell me they're injecting me with a lot of fertilized eggs and do their thing."

"So you have no say over whether you get pregnant?"

"Nope! My doctors are gonna keep me pumping out babies forever, a girl's gotta keep her womb nice and full, don't you agree?" She smacked her belly playfully a few times.

"God damn.... I didn't even know you got a uterus."

"Well, you've been away, Mr. College Boy, leaving your poor adorable trans sister so alone...."

"...... Mom and dad say you fuck new guys like every night, Hayley."

"Well, aside from that I'm totally lonely! I miss having you around. You're why I transitioned, you know?"

"Hayley.... please, that was forever ago. We can move on past that."

"Why would we? You encouraged me to dress like a girl, act like a girl, you told me how much you fantasized about having a younger sister for company...."

"Ew, don't be gross."

Hayley bit her lip. "Why? Gross is fun. Besides I'm twenty-one and you're like twenty-six. We're both adults who know what we want."

"Are you planning to be like this the whole time I visit?"

"About that..... so, mom and dad use your room for their exercise equipment and storage now, so you'll be sleeping in my room, with me."

"..... And how will I fit in bed with you? You're gigantic."

"Don't worry, just snuggle up real close, my belly's so warm I'm sure you won't mind. Isn't this always what you wanted? You used to watch so many pornos and hentais about older brothers breeding their younger sisters. Mom and dad even think it's cute that I have a crush on you."

"Seriously? They're cool with it?"

"Of course! They already told me they can't wait to hear us upstairs catching up for lost time, shaking the walls, my pretty moans filling the hallway as you fuck my fat, girly ass. Doesn't that sound divine?"

"Fuck.... you're for real? You actually want me to fuck you, when you're that pregnant?"

"Don't worry, my womb isn't connected to anything. I stay pregnant til my team decides to give me a C-section. Usually I'm forced to stay pregnant for a whole year. The contractions get unbearable, but feel amazing! And as a surrogate mom living as a baby incubator, I'm paid very handsomely. Mom and dad already retired. They live mostly on the money this giant womb rakes in....."

"Jesus, you really committed to being a breeder, huh?"

Hayley reached in her shorts, pulling out her swollen, ten-inch cock off to the side for him to see as she stroked it. "That's what you wanted me to be. Watching those perverted videos every day, talking me into wearing girls' clothes, learning to do makeup, telling me at length how hot you think it'd be to have a submissive breeder sister. You even dared me to come out to mom and dad and ask to be put on hrt and blockers asap! You're the reason I'm a beautiful girl with a perpetually stuffed womb, flooded with more kids than my dumb, girly brain can probably count. This is all for you, big bro. I'm a knocked-up breeder slut dreaming every day to feel your cock inside me...."

"Fuck, you turned out better than I ever could've hoped, Hayley!"

"I take it that's a yes?" She enthusiastically jerked off, watching her brother stroke his cock under his jeans.

"Damn straight. I can't wait to fuck that fat ass of yours so hard you cry. Every day, every night. I'm going to fuck you in front of mom and dad. I'm going to fuck you in public. I'm going to humiliate you, grab your tits, jerk you off on the train. Everything I ever fantasized about doing to you."

"Mmmmm, ohhhh fuck...." she softly moaned, shooting rope after rope of cum out of her cock. "Look what you made me do, big bro." She showed him the cum all over her hand, then licked it up, off each finger.

"You're perfect. Maybe if you're a really good girl, someday I'll even marry you, and make you my submissive little pregnant bride, so I can humiliate, fuck, and torture you every day for the rest of your life."

"That sounds like every little sister's dream come true. ❤️"

#incest kink #brother x sister #mtf pregnant #trans pregnant kink #pregnant nsft #breeding k1nk #huge pregnant belly #mtf breeding

[gracebutnotgraceful]

the lunch date - roy kent

pairing: roy kent x fem!reader

warnings: cursing (you know what you’re getting in to here), mention of food/going out for lunch

word count: 1.9k

summary: after numerous unsuccessful attempts at getting over your crush on roy, you’re ready to give up. keeley is nothing if not a wing(wo)man. 

notes: a fic that’s...not ted centered? woah. i felt a little inspo for the grumpy man that loves the muppets because i freakin love roy kent haha. apologies it’s been a minute, thank you for reading, and i truly hope you all enjoy! 

“It’s so frustrating, Keeley. This is why I didn’t want to do it,” you complained. 

“Come on, babes, maybe he’s just…been busy?” Keeley half-heartedly encouraged. She knew as well as you did that that was not the case, but she wanted to try to give you some hope anyways. She’s the one that got you onto the blasted app that led you here. 

You thought that date had gone well. The transition from faceless conversation to a full blown date wasn’t too awkward—the conversation flowed as easily in person as it did online. He was charming, a true gentleman, you’d thought. He’d pulled your chair out at the table, told you that you looked beautiful, helped you with your jacket after dinner. He was funny, even funnier in person than through your text messages. You really thought he was a catch.

And you thought he’d felt the same about you. He’d not given any indication otherwise, at least. If he wasn’t interested, why’d he walk you home? Told you he’d love to do it again sometime? What was the point of that if he was just going to ghost you? 

“Keeley, it’s been three days. I think he’d have found some time by now.” You responded. She sighed and gave you the same sympathetic look that you felt like you always got. The look that says “You’ll find the right one someday!” The look you always wanted to roll your eyes at. Yeah, when’s someday then? 

The couch sunk as someone flopped down next to you. Ted was usually the one who hopped into yours and Keeley’s conversations unannounced, so you were quite startled when you turned around and were practically nose to nose with Roy. You gasped and leaned back towards Keeley wondering how much of the conversation he’d heard.

“Oh my God, Roy!” You screeched. He raised an eyebrow in response, seemingly unbothered by your reaction.

“I thought you were supposed to lead training this morning?” Keeley asked, adjusting herself on the sofa to give you a bit more room.

“Didn’t want to.” He replied with a shrug before turning towards you. “Let’s see the fucking prick then.” Okay, so he’d heard enough to know what you were talking about. 

“I’m sorry?” You blinked hard as you felt your face heat up. Roy rolled his eyes and let out a huff.

“You know what he looks like. You know his name. Knowing you, you went home and searched for him, yeah?” He asked. 

You nodded your head, rather embarrassed to admit that yeah, that’s exactly what you did. You weren’t trying to stalk him or anything, you just wanted to make sure that what he’d told you about himself checked out. It had; he was the perfect guy. Until he ghosted you.  

“Right, so let’s see what makes him think he’s such a fucking catch.” He continued. 

Perfect. You let Keeley push you onto Bantr specifically to get over the stupid crush you had on this guy, and now here he is wanting to judge the guy you chose to go on a date with. Keeley was looking at Roy with raised eyebrows, and Roy was looking at you expectantly. You sighed and unlocked your phone, knowing you had no choice but to show him. You pulled up one of his profiles and handed your phone to Roy. 

“Fucking hell…not Daniel!” He locked your phone and threw his head back. 

“What? What’s wrong with him?” You asked. Why was he having such a visceral reaction to one picture?

“That’s Maureen’s son and even she thinks he’s a prick!” he exclaimed.

“Who’s Maureen?” You asked.

“She’s one of the…fuck, never mind. Look, find anyone else. I know you can.” He replied, dodging the question. 

Yeah, find “anyone else.” As if that wasn’t what you were already trying to do. 

“Do you think it’s that easy?” You were growing frustrated. 

“Y/N, there’s like a million fucking guys in London. At least one of them will be better than him.” He answered.

You sighed, closing your eyes and putting your head in your hands. The room fell silent. 

There’s like a million fucking guys in London. And sometimes it felt like you’d been on a date with at least half of them. The blind dates Keeley or your other friends had set you up on were never good—you’d never forgive Keeley for setting you up with that model she’d met through her old job. You shuddered just thinking about how awful that date went. Meeting someone organically hadn’t worked out. No, it seemed like no matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t do it. You couldn’t get over your crush on Roy.

And it felt so stupid. A crush. What are you? Thirteen?

“Right, um, Y/N, our meeting is in fifteen minutes. We should probably head to the conference room.” You opened your eyes to find Keeley looking pointedly at Roy who was just staring back, his expression unreadable. 

Roy held your phone back out to you. You took it from him, nodding a goodbye before making a quick exit. Keeley came out shortly after you. 

You didn’t hear from Roy for the rest of the day. It wasn’t really unexpected; Roy wasn’t often the one to reach out. It did something to your nerves anyways, though. You had lunch plans with him, Keeley, Ted, and Rebecca for tomorrow. You hoped there wouldn’t be any tension after the way your conversation ended. 

You were the first to arrive at the restaurant, a little brunch place that Ted and Rebecca frequented on the weekends. You got a table, shot a text to the group that you were there, and ordered a water while you waited for the others to arrive. 

“And here’s your table, I’ll be back in a few minutes,” the waiter smiled as he led Roy over. Roy gave a small nod in thanks and sat across from you. 

“Where the fuck is everyone else? I’m late.” He asked, showing you the time on his phone.

“Hello to you, too!” You responded. “I’m not sure, I’ll shoot a message in the group chat.” 

You made casual small talk as you waited for a response from the group. You were surprised—and definitely relieved—to find that there was no tension remaining from yesterday. Honestly, the more you thought about it the more you thought maybe it felt like a bigger deal to you than it actually was anyways. The waiter returned before you’d heard back from anyone.

“Are you ready to order? Still looking?” He asked, looking between you and Roy. You checked your phone again. No response. 

“Fuck it, I’m starving.” Roy said to you before turning to the waiter. “I’ll have the lamb and a chopped salad.”

“And for you, Miss?” The waiter asked. You gave your order, turning back to Roy as the waiter walked away.

“And what are we going to tell them when we get our food and they still haven’t ordered?” you asked. 

“That they should’ve gotten here on time.” He answered. “You heard back from Daniel yet?”

“I…think I’ve given up on that one,” You respond, shaking your head. “I still don’t see what you have against him, though.”

“I told you he’s Maureen’s son!” He exclaimed.

“And I don’t know who Maureen is!” You raised your eyebrows, hoping you could coax it out of him. He groaned and leaned across the table, lowering his voice.

“Look, on Tuesdays and Fridays I do yoga with a group of women in their sixties. Maureen is one of them. That’s how I know her son’s a fucking twat.” Your hand flew to your mouth to stifle a laugh.

“No…Roy Kent? Doing yoga?” You smiled. That was something you never expected to come out of his mouth. You thought maybe she was a friend of his mum’s or something. The thought of Roy trying to balance in a yoga pose made you want to laugh out loud. 

“Yeah, yeah, fucking laugh. But if someone else hears about this….” You held your hands up in surrender.

“Your secret is safe with me. I’ll run the next guy by you just in case you know his mum, too.” You joked. You swear you saw Roy crack the tiniest of smiles.

You two continued to chat, eventually getting your food. It felt natural, you and Roy being out together alone. It felt like a date—the date that you’ve been trying to find to get over him. The others…never showed. And honestly, you did not even notice until the waiter came by with the check.

“I, uh, guess we won’t be waiting any longer,” you chuckled as you bent down to grab your wallet. 

“Absolutely not. They’re too fucking late.” Roy replied, giving the waiter his card with a nod.

“I didn’t even look at the check! How much do I owe you?” You asked, putting your bag back down and grabbing your phone instead. The waiter returned quickly with Roy’s card and a receipt. 

“Don’t worry about it. Come on.” You protested to no avail as you two walked to your cars.

“Well, I had a really great time, despite the others not showing up.” You smiled. There was a small pause in conversation.

“I told them not to come.” He said.

“I’m sorry?” You asked. He told them not to come? He sighed.

“Keeley told me to tell you or she’d do it her fucking self. So I told them not to come. I’m sorry I pretended like I thought they were coming.”

“Tell me what?” You were really confused about what was going on.

“I fucking like you, okay? And seeing you go on all these dates, especially with fucking Daniel…I hate it. And I’m going to hate it even more now because I had a really nice fucking time.” He clenched his jaw. Your jaw dropped.

Roy liked you? Roy liked you. That was…not the turn you expected for the day. 

“Roy…” You began, but he cut you off.

“Fuck, you don’t have to say anything. I won’t bring it up again. Goodbye.” He went to get in his car, but you grabbed his arm.

“Roy, listen to me.” He turned back around, facing you. You took a deep breath. “I like you, too. A lot. I…I’ve been going on these dates to find someone else because I didn’t think I stood a chance with you.” He studied your face, and you became aware of just how embarrassing that sounded. 

“Why the fuck would you think that?” He asked, stepping closer to you. You looked at him with dumbfounded expression. 

“Are you kidding? Why would I think that? You’re Roy Kent. Why would I have a chance?” You responded. In a moment of tenderness you’d not ever seen from him, he put a hand on your cheek. 

“Because you’re you.” He responded, his voice barely a whisper. “And I like you.” He leaned in, his lips brushing yours for the smallest of moments. It was a quick kiss, chaste, a symbol of reassurance if nothing else. 

“Could I maybe interest you in going and grabbing a post-lunch drink then?” You smiled. 

“Only if we make this one a fucking date,” He answered, interlocking his fingers with your own. With almost comedic timing, both of your phones chimed. It was Keeley. 

Hope you two enjoyed your date! Can’t wait for the details xx

#roy kent x reader #roy kent x you #roy kent imagine #roy kent #ted lasso x reader #ted lasso #grace writes!!!

[tange-my-rine]

find yourself (and me) || Tangerine x trans male!reader

Summary: You knew Tangerine well, you'd fallen in love with the guy. But when a mission goes wrong and you fake your death, he can't know a word of it. And when you finally transition after years of wishing, you can hardly even imagine running into him again. If you thought you might, you'd run the opposite way. But fate had different plans.

Request by @random-thoughts-004.

TW: mention of deadname (it's like your codename but like still), fake death, grief, blood, wounds, murder, guns, knives, scars, cursing (it's Tangerine), and all things bullet train.

[[A/N: Thanks for my first request !!! I hope I did it justice! Enjoy this slowburn and kinda angst riddled oneshot. Reader's first codename is Butterfly. Second is Beetle. (You work with Ladybug's agency.) ]]

The first time you met Tangerine was one of your first jobs ever. You remember it so well because well, the twins made it memorable. They made everything memorable, you'd come to realize but not now.

It was a gala, and you were dressed well -fancy even, with hair perfectly in place and shiny fabric cascading.

The job was an easy one, getting your feet wet and whatnot; not that you hadn't wanted the harder ones, it was just like a test run for your agency -seeing if you could do it. Which, with your experience, was kind of ridiculous but you didn't want to get into it right now.

All you needed was information from a man, some sort of billionaire -you weren't honestly sure. The location of someone else, his brother... cousin? You knew his name and that was all that mattered.

You finished your drink, and with a walk that could kill, you made your way to the floor. He was talking to some men (tall with bleached tips, and another one broad shoulders with a mustache), but you simply pushed yourself through.

His eyes, naturally, rested on you, and you used it toward your advantage.

"Hi," you smiled over the rim of your glass, fluttering your eyelashes for good measure, "-do you mind if I interrupt? I've been dying to talk to you all day."

The man, Richard you remembered, smiled smoothly, "'Course, honey. We can always pick up this conversation later."

With a glance toward the men, you pushed your arm into his and began walking away.

You had felt the eyes boring into your back at the time, but you didn't think anything of it. You probably should have, but to be fair this was a test run, was it not?

The man guided you to a balcony, empty with the night sky and stars twinkling. You would've thought it was pretty, if you didn't have an objective.

"Name's Richard," he spoke, still close by your side, "-what's yours, sweetheart?"

Swallowing the bile in your mouth (he really wasn't your type), you smirked -playfully, trailing your fingers onto his upper arm, "I prefer to be a mystery to the men I meet, Richard."

He grinned, it was working well, "I'm not the first then?"

The rest of your conversation was much of the same, low chats about things that didn't really matter -hobbies, jobs, etc. And when you casually mentioned family, it was smooth sailing.

"Got a cousin visiting one of my houses down in Miami, but I haven't seen the rest in years."

You weaseled out the name, and with a cunning smile, went to refill your drink. He'd said he'd have someone do it for you, but you said something about 'clingy already?' and his masculinity came in check.

Your job was done. You were 30 minutes from getting home, out of these heels, and watching your favorite show with the emptiness of your apartment. These kinds of crowds were exhausting, you needed it.

That was until hands shot out of a closet and pulled you in so fast you couldn't even scream-

"What the hell?"

The light was on, thank god, as you took in the man. He was broad shoulders from before, dressed in a fancy suit -three piece, with curly gelled back hair and blue eyes. Oh, and the mustache. He was your type.

You shimmied out of his grip, pushing yourself to the farthest wall, "What are you doing?! You can't just pull women into closets-"

"Who fuckin' sent you?" He uttered out, harsh and brash -british accent, your mind noted.

"Sent me?" You played dumb, "-This is a gala, I was invited, prick."

"Don't fuckin' lie to me," he hissed, pulling out a gun and suddenly, this was all very real.

"Jesus Christ," you raised your hands, "-why the hell does it matter?"

"You're after my hit," he clarified, like it was fact -pushing the gun further into your face.

"Yeah, no," you laughed, "-my job here was information. I literally just talked to him, if you paid any attention to your surroundings-"

"Awfully snappy for someone with a fuckin' gun in your face," he retorted, but you could tell that his frustration had significantly lessened.

"Shoot me then," you egged on, "-lose your cover, and your target, and shoot me."

His mouth flattened, eyes hardening, as the realization slipped over his features; you loved being right.

Gotcha.

With the speed of a snail, he lowered his gun -jaw muscle flexing. You could tell he was pissed that you were right. This was fun, you would've stayed all night to get on his nerves, if this dress didn't make you feel like your skin was peeling off.

In very different circumstances, you would've been glad to be trapped in a closet with him. But, we can't always get what we want, can we?

Without another word, you slipped out of the closet and made your way to the door. And when you got home you scrubbed your skin clean until the flowery scent of your perfume went away (it made you sick), but that was nobody's business but your own.

The second time you met him was very different. Your job was a hit, a CEO of some fancy business -you didn't really care. You'd posed as some meeting for him -after hours, it was actually really simple to get this guy alone.

Anyway, you had just shot a bullet through his head when the door came crashing open -easily, you switched targets.

Instead of some innocent, however, it was the man -still wearing a three piece suit and the same mustache. He wore it well though, so you couldn't blame him.

"Not you again," you groaned.

"What the hell are you doin' 'ere?" He replied eyes scrunched and eyebrow raised.

"My job?" You answered, still pointing the gun at him without hesitation.

He raised his hands, begrudgingly, and looked you over, "You 'ere for a hit?"

You kicked the body at your feet, sarcastically, "Ya think?"

His eyes flicked down to the man, before back up to you, "Lucky for you, I'm just 'ere for a drive. You let me go, we call it even?"

You pursed your lips, tilting your head to the side -thinking on it, "Fine, but if I see you again it's fair game."

"Can't fuckin' wait, love," he remarked, and you honestly weren't sure if it was all sarcasm. Huh.

"Butterfly," you said as an introduction.

He furrowed his brows for a moment before a wave of understanding crossed over his face, "Tangerine."

Needless to say, you left that building laughing your ass off.

The next time after that you met Lemon, and then suddenly you were a trio. You switched agencies and were constantly partnered for missions, and even when you weren't, they'd follow you and keep an eye out for you. Even when you told them that you could handle it, they still showed up (Lemon always blamed Tangerine).

You don't know when Tangerine started shifting in your head -from friend to... something else. A scary something else. But you think it started here.

You were in a safe house, one you'd crashed in a lot actually. An apartment in the city with three bedrooms and a fancy kitchen, you could picture it as a home if you thought about it long enough. Couldn't see it without Tangerine and Lemon anymore though.

It was late, and you were watching some late-night reruns of a show you'd never seen -it was some sort of love triangle, and you somehow already had a favorite actually. You couldn't sleep, it was just something in your head -nightmares. You had close calls before and tonight was one of them; you wanted to be alive a little bit longer because of it.

"Hey," the voice interrupted your haze, drawing your attention to your right.

It was Tangerine, he was wearing normal clothes -baggy sweatpants and a t-shirt with his hair ungelled (you were still getting used to it). Blue eyes flickered across you, he could read you really well -you hated it.

He didn't ask if you were okay, didn't have to he knew, just sat by your side on the couch -you offered him some blanket. He took it, closer into your side than he was before -it made your head spin just a little. You figured because you hadn't been so close to someone in so long.

Before you could stop yourself, you started talking, "You ever think about what your life would be like if we didn't do what we do?"

It was sleepy coming out of your mouth, slightly slurred, but still genuine. You always got a little talkative around him, you weren't sure entirely why.

Tangerine deflected, blue eyes fuzzy over your face (you weren't looking at him), "Do you?"

"Yeah," you muttered, low and quiet, "-all the time."

"What would you do?" he asked, and he was genuine -you could always tell when he wanted to listen.

"I think..." you started, trying to decide your words, "- I think I'd want to be married. Is that stupid?"

"'s not stupid, love," he spoke, soft with his gruff sleep voice.

"It'd be nice, I think," you hummed, perhaps saying too much but you didn't care then, "-forever with one person. With this job, you're always alone. Jumping from place to place, partner to partner. I think it'd be nice to have somebody who was always there."

Tangerine didn't say a word.

"The real question is if I'm marriable," you laughed, "-do you think I have enough positive characteristics for someone to marry me, Tan?"

It was kind of a joke, and you expected him to respond that way. He didn't.

"Yeah," he whispered, dead serious, "-I do."

You were taken aback a little bit, something unfurling in your chest that you hadn't quite named yet but you knew it now, "You think so?"

He wrapped an arm around your shoulder and pulled you closer -your head settling on his shoulder without hesitation. You stayed that way for a few moments, breathing in his cologne and shampoo -he smelt so good, how?

"Someone would marry you," he finally responded -something there in his voice but you couldn't name it, "-'d be fuckin' stupid not to."

It was going great, really great. Until it wasn't.

You can't even remember the mission now, but it was one that the twins followed you in on. You convinced them to wait out in the car, you could handle this.

And while you were, your earcon went off -static voice in your ear. You had to strain to hear it, but once you did, you wished you hadn't. It was Maria, your previous handler -you had no idea how she got your connection, actually. It didn't matter then, the voice echoing through your head.

"Butterfly, listen to me, you have to get out of there."

"Maria?" you questioned, slamming a guy's head into a wall, "-'Would love to catch up but I'm a little busy right now-"

"Butterfly, listen. You are in danger."

"Aren't I always?" you laughed, sliding a blade across another guy's neck -he sunk to the floor.

"I got intel on a manhunt for you, the White Death is looking for you. You are not safe, listen to me."

You stalled in place, your heart dropping to your stomach, breathless, "What?"

"He's been surveying your safe house. He knows what job you're on, you have to get out of there now."

One of them rushed you from behind, you promptly elbowed his throat and he let you go -you spun on your heel and shot him square in the head. It was on instinct, your brain was running a thousand miles a minute.

"I can't hide from a guy like him, Maria," you spoke, a sort of shake in your tone, "-he'll find me. He'll find the twins-"

"Listen to me," she repeated, "-we have a plan, but it's not going to be easy."

"Yeah," you sighed, "-okay. I've got nothing to lose, right?"

"There's a car on the westside of the building, you need to head that way and-"

"Maria," you thought of the twins, "-I already have a ride."

"I want you to listen to me very carefully, you are not making it out of this building alive."

"Jesus," you laughed, "-have a little faith in me-"

"Butterfly, you are not making it out of this building alive."

"I am," you replied, "-I don't know what you're thinking but I'm perfectly capable."

"You, Butterfly, are not making it out of this building alive. Are you listening?"

"I don't-"

"As far as anyone knows, you are dead. As far as the White Death knows, you are dead."

"Oh," you responded, softly, "-this is... I'm... What about the twins?"

"They can't know. The White Death will be surveying them for months after, if they don't play the part-"

"They would," you ushered out, tears burning at the backs of your eyes, "-they... They could not see me for awhile but they would know-"

"I'm sorry, but if you're actually going to stay alive, they can't know. The White Death is smart, he knows how close the three of you are. If they know, he'll know."

"Please," you whispered, you felt like you couldn't breathe, "-without them... You don't know what it'll put them through, Maria, I can't-"

"I'm sorry."

Tears fell before you could stop them, heavy and your throat felt like it was closing up (good god, you couldn't breathe). You stumbled to the window, eyes catching on the car that waited for you by the entrance -if you squinted you could see them, you just wanted to see them again. Even if it was the last time-

"Butterfly, breathe, I need you to focus, okay? For them and you."

"Will you tell them first, before... before anyone else? They deserve to-" your voice cracked, "-They deserve to know first."

"Of course."

You swallowed, gasping for a breath and desperately wiping at your eyes -it felt like you were suffocating. Even still, you righted yourself -for the twins.

"What do you need from me?"

"Leave your phone and something they would know you wouldn't leave behind. They have to... They have to believe it."

With a shaky breath, you threw your phone to the floor -it cracked, but you didn't care. You scanned over yourself, digging into your pockets for something -anything. And then you remembered, the scratching on the fabric -it was your bracelet.

It was a gift from the twins, a simple charm bracelet with one single charm: a butterfly.

You remembered when they gave it to you, you promising to keep it on every day. It was the best gift you'd ever been given-

Hands shaking, you unclasped it -watching as it clattered to the ground, butterfly looking up at you. With another breath, you pulled your knife out of your pocket -three initials carved into the handle. Something in you cracked then as you looked at it, a little shrine to you -this is what they'd see. When they were told you were dead, they'd see this. That was... That was it.

You couldn't stay here anymore.

"Maria," you swallowed, blinking back as many tears as you could, "-where's the car?"

The next 4 years were a lot. You'd finally become yourself, a man, and you lived out in a small little cabin in the woods. You lived next to a teeny-tiny town where everyone knew each other, and you made your life there.

It was a sunny day when a car pulled up to your home -a fancy, expensive one. You knew it well, it dropped you off here all that time ago. Maria.

She smiled when she saw you, skimming over you -she knew about the transition but she hadn't seen you since before, "You look good, happier."

"Thanks," you smiled, leading her into your home. She was well aware of your home, every few years, she visited. Told you things, about the twins -their successes, their failures. They were infamous now. Sometimes it felt like you were there again, you could close your eyes and smell Tangerine's cologne and see Lemon's smile-

"I have some news," Maria started leaning against your countertop -she was always so rigid, all business.

"Yeah?" you smiled, "-What did they do now?"

"The White Death is dead," she spoke -frank and direct.

Something in your shoulders lifted, tears burning the back of your eyes -it had been so long, "Did they...?"

You knew very little about what she told them then, but you do know it had to do with the White Death. You knew they'd try and avenge you one day, it was just in their blood. You hoped they had peace now.

"A few people did," she clarified, "-remember the bullet train I talked about last week?"

"Yeah, you had Ladybug on that one, right?" you asked, you knew of the guy -never met him.

"The twins were there," she hummed, "-Turned out to be planned by him. He was going to kill them all by the end of the line."

"But they survived?" you asked.

"They did," she assured, before pausing for a moment, "-I'm here to ask you something."

You pursed your lips, something catching in your chest, "I can't see them, Maria-"

"That's not-" she started, before clearing her throat, "-I want to ask if you want back in."

"Into... work again?" You asked, curious.

"Yes," she said, laying it all out, "-We have a spot open, you'd be under me. We can start out with small jobs-"

"Isn't this what we planned? All that time ago?"

"We did," Maria confirmed, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, "-but, you've been here so long. Your plans can change, you know. You could live a normal life."

You thought back to that conversation that late night with Tangerine. You had wanted it then. At the time, you didn't know who you wanted it with but now... you did. And that... that wasn't happening.

But going back to work, that was familiar, that felt normal. You'd be yourself again. You hadn't felt that way fully since that day, but you could achieve it now. Mostly.

"Okay," you responded, "-I'm in."

That is what brought you here in some office building for a drive under the name, Beetle. Well, you weren't alone. A couple of months ago, you'd been at a meeting of the agency -Maria had requested you come. You'd said something a little bit snappy and from the back, a guy with blonde hair, glasses, and a huge smile, had yelled, "I like this guy!"

That was your introduction to Ladybug, and he'd immediately requested to be your partner to Maria. He even threw in some 'pretty-please's, you'd laughed really hard that day -you hadn't in a long time. And with a little hope of some normalcy, you agreed.

Now this was pretty run of the mill, you'd worked with Ladybug to know most of his quirks -like forgetting literally everything as soon as you stepped into the building, and not wanting to kill people on Wednesdays ('My therapist says I need to start taking care of myself, this is me doing that, Beetle.').

"Listen," you turned to him, "-just keep the guy distracted, I will find the drive."

"Hey," he mumbled, eating some kind of finger food, "-Aren't we supposed to be a team? What was it that Maria said-"

"Ladybug," you sighed, he could really annoy you, "-firstly, you know she never says anything in your favor-" he nodded at that in agreement, "-secondly, do you even remember what you had for breakfast this morning?"

He paused, squinting his eyes.

"Exactly," you pointed out, "-so I will go find the drive, and you go... mingle."

"I don't wanna mingle," he nearly whined, "-I should've retired after the bullet train."

You froze for a moment, at the mention, before coming back down to earth, "You can do that after we do this, yeah?"

"Oh," he waved his hand with a grin, "-you know I could never leave you, Beetle."

You smiled then, "I know. Now, go, seriously-"

"Yeah, alright," he swatted you, "I'm going-"

With that, you slipped over to the elevator -squeezing past a few stray people and pressing the top floor. Luckily, it was some sort of company party, so every office was unattended. You, yourself, needed the top office, so out of respect for your knees -you'd decided to use the elevator.

You would later wildly regret this decision.

Around the fifth floor, it stopped. You fully prepped yourself for some stray office worker, probably holding a two-liter to bring downstairs and the awkward conversation that would ensue. Instead, it was much, much worse.

Because in front of that door stood Lemon, tips still bleached and dressed in a casual suit -the same kind he always used to wear. Your heart was in your throat, so you casually arranged your tie -trying not to let your voice come out squeaky.

"What floor?" You offered.

He didn't say a word, was just staring for a moment -brown eyes solid on you like he was reading you. You knew you looked different, and even sounded different but you still thought maybe-

"Seventh, thank you," he smiled, sauntering up to your side.

You smiled with a nod, and pressed the button.

The silence was unbearable, and you were certainly going to give Maria an earful when you got back because this. Was. Not. Supposed. To. Happen.

That was literally your one clause for this work-

"Do I know you?" Lemon asked, looking at you questioningly, "-I feel like I've seen you somewhere before. You're so familiar-"

Your tongue was quicker than your brain, "I'm Carl, Mr. Madison's assistant?"

He pursed his lips, like he was trying to believe it.

"I work on the third floor, mostly," you lied through your teeth -it was just keeping cover, "-maybe you saw me there?"

"Yeah," he settled, still eyeing you weirdly, "-probably."

The rest of the ride was silent, just before he stepped off, "Carl, if ya see an uptight guy in a suit with a mustache, tell 'im I'm on seventh, will ya?"

You instinctively nodded, and as the doors slipped shut -your brain started screaming. Of course, Tangerine was here. God, you could handle Lemon, but-

You pressed your com on, hissing out, "Maria-"

"Yeah, Beetle, what's going on? Everything okay?"

"The twins are here," you spoke -tone wavering, your breaths felt shallow like you weren't getting enough no matter how hard you tried.

"Oh shit."

"Wow," you came back to earth for a moment, "-that's the first time I've heard you lose your cool. Too bad I'm losing my mind-"

"Beetle, listen to me, okay? They don't know who you are. You look different, you sound different."

"I know," you let a breath out, "-I just. I never wanted to see them again. I don't... I don't deserve to."

"Beetle, we've talked about this."

"I know," you took a breath in, "-I know. It's just a lot."

"Is Ladybug there with you?"

"No," you spoke, like it was obvious, "-he can hardly remember his name sometimes, Maria-"

"I'll tell him there's an emergency. Send him up to you."

"But there isn't?" You countered, hand slipping up to run through your hair.

"If the twins are there for the same thing, there's about to be."

With that, you were on the top floor. You kept your eyes peeled -fancy shoes clopping along the tile. You'd always wanted a pair, but now you felt like a prick, honestly.

You figured if Tangerine was anywhere he was here, or shuffled into the party. That was if you had the same motivation.

Which was probably your best bet.

Somehow, you made it to the office in one piece. No peering blue eyes anywhere or accents melting into your ears, you were alone. Huh, maybe you were lucky.

You shuffled through some drawers, scattering paperwork and knocking a tin of paperclips over. It really didn't matter, the man would notice the USB gone anyway so no need for it to look like someone hadn't stolen it. With the drawers, you came up empty-handed.

You pursed your lips, before brushing your fingers along the top shelf of the bookshelf, maybe it was hidden? Nope.

You spun on your toes, before your eyes landed on the laptop. It was literally plugged into his laptop, out in the open.

"Idiots," you mumbled, before pocketing it with the slip of your hand.

Ready to go and fetch Ladybug, your job was done-

"Give me the fuckin' drive," his voice bounced around your head, and you very nearly cracked your neck spinning around to see him.

The first thing was the gun in your face, which was familiar, actually.

You raised your hands in surrender, instinctively muttering, "Jesus Christ."

He stalled for a minute when his eyes met your face like he was processing something -you thought out of anyone he would recognize you. The gun faltered in his hand as his eyebrows crept together into a furrow, confused.

You washed over him too, his hair was slightly longer and he was stronger -you could tell. His mustache was the same, and the suit too, just tighter. But along his neck, right at the collarbone was a nasty scar -it was new, fresh, you could tell. A couple of months at most.

"Look, I'm just Mr. Madison's assistant," you started, your voice shaking but it actually helped you here, "-I don't know what you're talking about."

"Do you think I'm fuckin' stupid?" He countered, frustrated again, but there was still something skewed in his face, "-I saw you slip it in your pocket."

"Right," you swallowed, "-glass doors."

He leaned forward, the gun doing the same. And you heard the jingle of his necklace, the one he always wore -something from his childhood he said, but there was another sound, another noise. Before you could think any better, your eyes dipped to it.

The butterfly charm.

Your heart stalled in your chest.

He had the butterfly charm, your butterfly charm, around his neck. The silver was stark against the gold, so you really couldn't have missed it -how long has he been wearing that?

A sob trickled up the back of your throat, but you held it back -blinking away tears.

"Look," you echoed, voice heavy with wear -you wouldn't cry, not now, "-we can work this out."

"I said," he stepped forward, and you could smell his cologne -it was still the same, "-give me the fuckin' drive."

You didn't move.

"Do you want a fuckin' bullet in your head, love?" He asked, his face getting redder, but there was still something in his eyes -he was hesitating. He never hesitates.

Not... not at work. He pulls the trigger and is done but he's hesitating-

Your heart pounding in your chest, you stood your ground -digging your heels in, "Shoot me. You can take it off my corpse, just shoot me."

Tangerine frowned, something in his face flickering between your eyes -you knew he saw you, but you didn't know how he did. Did he think it was just a coincidence? Did he know? Did he think he was hallucinating?

He opened his mouth, but before he could say a word -Lemon walked in with a gun pressed to his temple. Your eyes caught on Ladybug's and he visibly seemed to relax at the sight of you breathing.

"For old times sake," he spoke, "-you give me my guy, I give you yours."

"You almost fuckin' killed me," Tangerine seethed through his teeth, "-why should I 'ave any leniency?"

Oh, you thought, that scar was from Ladybug?

"He's got a point 'ere," Lemon replied, rather plainly. You wanted to laugh.

Ladybug paused, "I said I was sorry, I thought we were past that, guys! We killed the White Death together, remember?"

Both of them froze, tense and lips twitching. Was that... Was that because of you?

"Oh, right, sorry," Ladybug recanted, "-sensitive subject."

It was. Something in your chest panged, you'd never thought you'd see it firsthand. You never wanted to-

You stopped the train of thought, hissing to Ladybug, "You are not helping here, you know that?"

"I'm trying my best," he practically whined back, "-you try reasoning with these guys! It's like talking to two brick walls-"

"Ladybug," you chastised.

"Right, sorry," he repeated.

You sighed, leveling to look at them, "Look, I'll give you guys the drive, okay? Just let us go. I'll get him out of here."

Tangerine softened just a smidge -blue eyes matching yours, you may have looked different but your eyes stayed the same. You knew that, and you hoped somewhere in him, he recognized them or they reminded him or anything-

Because if they didn't, you weren't making it out of here alive.

Wordlessly, Tangerine put his gun down and held out his hand. So he did see it.

Ladybug's eyes nearly bulged out of his head, he was clearly not expecting him to relent. But then again, you weren't either.

You pulled it from your pocket, dropping it into his open hand -careful not to touch him, you couldn't do that to yourself.

"Ladybug," you spoke, motioning for him to follow, "-Let's go. We'll tell Maria on the way."

He did as such, giving the gun back to Lemon, and slowly following you out of the door -back turned to the outside, keeping watch.

"Did you-" Tangerine interrupted, stalling the two of you in your path -your heartbeat quickened in your chest, as he turned to look at you, only you, "-Did you know Butterfly?"

"Everyone knows Butterfly," Ladybug responded, "-she's a legend, even for our agency."

He didn't react to his response, only solidly looking at you, Lemon too. You felt like every move you made was outing you, revealing you. That they would realize and hate you and never understand-

"I never knew her personally," you answered, swallowing, "-Just... Just stories."

And with that, you spun on your heel and walked out the door -Ladybug following dutifully behind. You felt their eyes on you every step until you turned back around in the elevator.

You didn't do a job for quite awhile after that. Ladybug, following your lead, took a break too -said something about meditating. You didn't listen, you couldn't.

All you could see was that charm hanging on his necklace -right next to his heart. Did Lemon have your knife? Did they split them?

The next few months were boring, Maria kept calling you and you kept telling her you were okay, you just needed some time. She even sent Ladybug on you a couple of times, but even he could tell you weren't at your best. He just kept recommending things his therapist said, you appreciated it, really, even though it didn't help at all.

When you finally got back to work, Maria sent you as a solo -Ladybug was something you had to limit after a while. All you had to do was get a package before it was delivered, simple.

You didn't know why god seemed to hate you.

You were posed as a delivery truck driver, you even had the truck, the outfit, and the lift. It was something you genuinely enjoyed and everything should've gone perfectly.

It should have been as easy as walking in and walking back out.

That was not the case.

You arrived at the hotel lobby, dressed in the uniform and smiling at the front desk. Politely asking for the boxes you needed, something about office supplies or pillows or something. The hotel had too much of it. All you had to do, was get the package and sneak it in with the others.

"Can I run to your bathroom?" You asked with a smile -you had to get out of the lobby somehow.

"Of course," she smiled, bright and beautiful, "-There's one down that hallway and to the right."

You followed those directions, and then decisively took off into the bathroom -despite it not being a part of the plan. Somewhere in the back of your head, you noted that someone was definitely following you. It was a shadow in the back of your eye, but you still saw it.

So when the door opened behind you, you raised your fist and-

Stopped.

Tangerine stood there, eyes wide as your fist was mere inches from his face. He was wearing a coat, maybe like a trenchcoat, that was brown and gave his whole outfit something entirely different.

"What the hell?" You hissed out, lowering your fist, "-What are you doing here? Following me?"

Tangerine seemed to pause for a moment, before wiping his hand over his mouth, "I'm stayin' 'ere, saw ya out in the lobby. This isn't... It's not a job. I'm not 'ere to... to hurt you."

"Did you just want to say hi?!" You asked, sarcastically -this could not be happening again, "-Last time I saw you, you had a gun pointed at my head. Forgive me for being afraid."

He licked his lips, and you noticed it then, something was very off. He wasn't angry, no, he looked exhausted like he hadn't slept in days; his eyes were red and puffy like he had been crying. Had he been crying?

"Um," you started, trying to act normal, "-is everything okay...?"

"Tangerine," he finished for you.

"Beetle," you offered in response, before repeating, "-Seriously, is everything okay? Should I call your... your partner?"

"You knew 'er," he interrupted, voice worn.

"Knew who?" You questioned, squeezing your nails into your palm -you knew where this was going.

"Butterfly," he clarified, "-you fuckin' knew 'er, you had to."

"Look, Tangerine," you replied, "-I already told you-"

He interrupted you again, quietly letting out a wet sort of chuckle, "You even say it like 'er."

"Say what?"

"My name," he bit at his lip, gnawing at it, really, "-you say it the exact same way, and I... I fuckin' remember that, so you knew 'er."

You were speechless for a moment, before settling yourself -trying to stay away from this, "Do... Do you need to talk for a minute? Or?"

"Are you 'er brother?" He asked, something heavy in his gaze, "-It's the only solution I can think of, and it's drivin' me fuckin' mad. I have to know-"

"Why would I say I don't know her if I'm her brother?"

"I don't fuckin' know," he breathed out, hands running through his hair, "-are you afraid of the White Death? What he... he did to 'er? He's dead, very dead. You can say you know 'er-"

"But, I don't," you offered, a little weaker.

"You do," he replied simply, "-you fuckin' 'ave to, you look just like 'er. You can't- I can't... Just tell me the truth."

"I'm not her brother," you repeated, it was the only thing you could say.

"Did she ever say anythin' about me? About... About Lemon?" He continued, his voice scratchy and eyes blinking so fast you knew he was holding back tears -your stomach churned.

"Tangerine," you sighed out, "-I don't know what to-"

He interrupted you again, hand pulling on his necklace, the charm, "'s hers, you were starin' at it the other day. 'Was her bracelet, but I think ya know 'at."

"Look," you swallowed, heavily, "-I can't do this now, I'm on a job. We can talk later, though, if you need to."

You ended up finding the box in ten minutes and leaving without another word.

By the time, you were ready for missions again -you were half convinced you wanted to just go back to the cabin, and live your life there. Away from mustaches and feelings and fear, you could enjoy yourself -listen to birds, observe nature, even.

Maria even offered it, after the last trip, she'd smiled at you in the solemn way she did and offered you the home back, the life back.

You thoroughly debated it for a few days but wanted to feel like yourself again and this was the closest you'd get, ever.

You loved him, and this was the closest thing you'd get to him. It was all you had.

Even if he did love you, you were... different now and you couldn't imagine that would be okay with him. You didn't let yourself.

The next time you saw the twins, you decided to embrace it -try and be as close as you could. If they figured it out and left you in the dust, so be it. You wanted them in your life.

It was another solo mission, Ladybug was in one of those 'I'm going to quit and move to Costa Rico' phases of his career and you didn't exactly want to cozy up with anybody else.

Maria understood, and sent you alone.

It was a hit, some guy with a big life insurance policy -his wife hired you, apparently. He was a loner, and didn't go much of anywhere, so you were to stage a robbery and simply kill him in the kerfuffle. Or, at least make it look like that.

The job was so easy that you'd taken to the city afterward -you wanted to live a normal life for a minute, and after it all, you ended up in a bar. A sort of quiet one with a wooden bar and dim lights -the only people in there being men watching football games, and even they did say much of a word.

It was calm, peaceful.

You heard the door jingle, you knew the sound but assumed it was a normal person -sipping on your drink in your booth alone, away from prying eyes. You didn't exactly want any company, not really, but you ended up with some.

The steps of fancy shoes, it was ingrained in your brain, only getting louder -you thought maybe someone was going to sit close to you. Until they abruptly stopped at your side, you promptly turned your head -eyes peering over your drink.

Tangerine stood there in much better shape, blue eyes focused gently onto you (not red and puffy) and hair perfectly gelled back. He was wearing the blue suit that matched his eyes really well -you'd told him it was his best one once.

"Tangerine," you hummed, sipping your drink, "-weird seeing you here."

He paused, eyes flicking over you for a moment -maybe taking in your outfit, just the same as you did. Before muttering out, "'Ere's a safe house nearby, me and Lemon are stayin' 'ere."

You knew that one, the three of you stayed there a couple of times but then again, where hadn't the three of you stayed?

You pondered over that for a moment, before speaking, "You can sit down, you know, I won't bite."

He seemed to tense up.

"Unless you do," you clarified with a bit of a smile, "-in which I retract my statement."

His lips quirked for a second, as he slid into the booth across from you, "'M off the clock."

"Ah," you nodded your head, "-lucky for you, me too."

"Lucky for me?" He asked, it all seemed so natural -you knew he'd ask questions about it later.

"I'm a good fight," you shrugged, "-what can I say?"

"I imagine," he laughed, and something in your chest swirled -you missed that.

He sat in silence for a moment, tapping his fingers against the table, as you messed with the napkin you had. It wasn't uncomfortable, not really, (you didn't think it would ever be) but there was still something hanging over the two of you.

"Look," he said, suddenly, "-about the other day. I'm sorry, I was... I was in a really bad fuckin' place. Just brought up some memories... I didn't mean to-"

"Relax, Tangerine," you sighed, something bubbling up your throat, "-I know what it feels like when you've seen a ghost."

Something in you twisted, tired, and thinking you were lying. God, you were lying to him. But you couldn't chance losing him again, you didn't want him to hate you. Force himself out of your life, his choice.

Not yours. It was selfish, you knew that much.

"They treat ya well?" He asked, and you tilted your head, "-Your agency? I had a friend... switched over, so..."

"Very well," you hummed, "-My handler is... she understands my breaks."

"You had a break?"

"Long time ago," you spoke, vaguely -you couldn't be specific, "-stayed in a cabin, lived normal for awhile."

He leaned back into the booth, something in him curious, you could see it, "How was it?"

"Boring," you decided.

"Yeah," he murmured, "-always thought it fuckin' would be."

You took a leap then, even if the answer would hurt. You wanted to know.

"You ever thought about it?"

"Bein' normal?" He clarified -eyes smooth over your face.

You nodded, finishing your drink -he seemed to notice, and you half thought he'd offer you to get another.

"Yeah," he breathed out -not matching your eyes now, something heavy on his shoulders, "-once a long fuckin' time ago. But... things change."

You wondered if it was because of you -that one night. If he wanted that with you-

He wouldn't anymore, your mind chimed -stinging under your skin, you are different. So is he.

Timing would never be right, it made your lips snap shut anytime you thought of telling him. The idea that he had loved you then, and now... now he wouldn't. That was worse than him hating you for life, just not... just not loving you anymore.

You swallowed, thick -you wanted to know more, but you couldn't just say that, "That they do."

He paused for a moment, before sliding out of the booth, "I 've to go, Lemon's waitin' on me."

You nodded your head, toying with your glass -eyes slinking across the rim, something in you disappointed. Something in you wanted him to stay, but that wasn't going to happen. You couldn't have him.

Not now.

"Beetle," he spoke, slow and measured, "-'S nice talkin' to ya. Maybe we can catch up again when we aren't at each other's fuckin' throats, yeah?"

"Yeah," you agreed, the tips of your mouth turning up just a little, "-I'd be alright with that."

You started seeing Tangerine every once in a while, strange little cafés and dimly lit bars. You didn't know how he always ended up in the area with you or close by, but it felt familiar. Like when the two of them would follow you into jobs, even when you said you'd be fine because they wanted you to be okay. Just in case. You supposed now that they actually had something to worry about.

That led you to now, you laid on the tile of a building -head pounding and the lights blinding. You had successfully cleared it and killed your hit, but someone had snuck up on you -gun drawn, they took a cheap shot.

"Maria," you breathed out, "-Maria, come in."

"Beetle? Everything alright?"

"They got a cheap shot in-" you hummed, "-I think in my chest? It hurts to breathe-"

"Okay, alright. I'll see who's around you, okay?"

"I think I can walk-"

"Don't move, keep your hands on the wound. What floor are you on?"

"Second," you faltered out a breath -a sting in your lungs, even still you shifted putting all your weight on your hands, "-shit, never get used to that."

"Never will."

You laughed, leaning your head back down against the tile -it was cold against your skin. You felt like you were burning alive, so it was actually a little refreshing.

The lights above you hurt your eyes, but it was easier to breathe this way. Inhale, exhale -a sting, inhale, exhale -a sting.

You imagined for a second this was years ago, that you were actually dying then. The twins would come rushing in, burst through the doors, and Lemon would be darting all over you -trying to figure it out. And Tangerine... Tangerine would grab your face and keep you awake -soft words but every once in a while shaking you to keep you awake. You wouldn't have been able to die then, not with them there -trying to help. You supposed you could die now, bleed out on a tile floor alone or with someone you didn't even know.

This dream of it being Tangerine and Lemon, that was something you could live for -you could almost see it in your head.

And then you heard it, a door busting open and fancy shoes clattering down the hallway -like yours that made you feel like a prick. You wondered if you got the idea of them from Tangerine, he surely owned so many pairs-

"Shit," there was a voice then, and your eyes snapped to the source.

Oh, I'm definitely hallucinating.

Tangerine stood over you before falling to his knees, mumbling -frustrated, "I just fuckin' knew it was you."

"Am I..." you spoke, breathlessly, "-Am I hallucinating?"

"What do you think I am? A fuckin' angel?" Something in your mind answered yes, "-Hate to break it to you, love, but it's just me."

"How the hell were you around here?"

"A job," he said, a little too quickly -it was suspicious.

"Lying-" you slurred out, "-I can tell you're lying."

Tangerine didn't say anything in response, ignoring it, "'S your chest, yeah?"

"Yeah," you hummed, "-where I'm holding."

"Alright," he breathed out, "-alright. Don't stop holdin' it, okay? Keep your hand 'ere."

"How am I gonna move?"

He rolled his eyes, "Can't give me an inch of fuckin' trust, can ya?"

"Sure, I can," you breathed out, flinching slightly, "-just tell me your plan."

He let out a chuckle, before without warning -slipping his arms under your knees and back. The movement jostled you a little and it hurt -you hissed out.

"Sorry, love," he echoed out, softer than you expected, "-'s the only way to get ya out of 'ere."

"I know," you exhaled, "-I know. Keep going."

It felt like you hadn't even blinked before he was pattering out of the building -he was going so fast. Your head was spinning now, but you were still conscious.

"Shit," you heard Lemon, as Tangerine slipped you into the backseat, laying you across the seats -head first, "-a bullet?"

"Fucking cheap shot," you breathed out, "-Killed a whole building full of people and some asshole came up behind me and shot me-"

Lemon seemed to laugh slightly at your frustration; it made you feel a little lighter.

Tangerine shut the door and you waited for him to slip into the passenger seat. You were getting tired, you just wanted to bandage it up and go to whatever hotel was open.

Instead, Tangerine slipped into the side with your head -carefully lifting it and setting you back down onto his lap. You froze -his cologne surrounding your head so much it made you woozy. Why had he done that?

"Stay awake, yeah?" He spoke, breaths raggedy -he really must've been going fast, "Beetle, do you hear me?"

"Yeah, yeah," you swallowed, the smooth cushion of his suit pants was tempting, but the situation you currently were in kept you awake. Your heart was pounding, your brain spinning, you were so close.

You'd been closer, but that was over 4 years ago. Even further when his hands made their way to your face and hair -trying to keep you awake. It worked very, very well.

Had he ever held your face before?

Something in you said no, but it could've happened. You were also so close and any time you got injured he'd always wanted to see it for himself. He usually refused to leave until he took care of it himself, with gentle hands. Whose to say you hadn't gotten a cut on your face?

Why did it feel so different now?

You looked up at him, just for a spare second -you saw his hand run through his hair, unveiling the curls by the second. You'd always liked his curls, when he'd shown you his natural hair -it was all soft and bouncy. It wasn't good for his image, you totally understood.

He's nervous, your mind chimed, does he care about you like this too?

You slapped away the thought and decidedly started staring up at the plush ceiling -this car was definitely expensive, you knew that much. The cushion on the seats, the detailing, the roof, the speed-

This thing had to be stolen.

"Ya alright, love?"

You swallowed and met his eyes, big blue blinking down at you and you could see it, the concern. Since when was he concerned for you? This you? Something had changed at some point and you didn't even notice.

"I've been shot," you retorted, obviously, "-I'm currently bleeding out on your fancy seats."

"That's not-" he huffed out, pinching the bridge of his nose -you couldn't hold back the grin on your lips.

Lemon laughed from the front, "'Give 'im a real run for his money, you know 'at, Beetle?"

"I try my best."

Lemon laughed again, and something in your chest felt lighter -you had missed them, so much. All those years at that fucking cabin, you had missed out on them, on knowing them, watching them, being with them.

God, you regretted everything then, but it was for the best. It kept them safe.

"Seriously," his voice was lower now but still so pointed, "-are you alright?"

You blinked away the fog of tears in your eyes, not now, and nodded, "Yeah, yeah. I'm alright."

The ride was short after that, it was wordless. Even though you think Tangerine wanted to say more, he didn't pry. Which you thought was very strange because he's Tangerine (he prods and pokes until you're set on murdering him) but you were literally bleeding out, so maybe it was courtesy.

You didn't have the heart to think it was anything else.

The twins brought you up the stairs, each taking a shoulder, and although it wasn't as dizzying as before when Tangerine had physically held you... It still was overwhelming.

These guys were like your family. You hadn't been this close to them in years.

"Alright, I'm assumin' you got the wounds?" Lemon asked, directed at Tangerine.

With a succinct nod, Lemon spun back around in the doorway -talking as he walked out, "'M off to get some food, don't bite each other's heads off, yeah? I'd hate to clean up the mess, personally-"

And then he was gone. You were currently sitting on a stool, hand still pressed intently into your chest, as Tangerine gathered up what medical supplies they had. Which was a lot, actually.

You spoke before you could think about it, "You know I can do this myself, right?"

"God, you've got quite the fuckin' head, don't ya?"

"You're one to talk," you replied.

Tangerine pursed his lips, in a way you could tell he was hiding a smile, before his eyes drifted to the ground for a moment. He didn't respond immediately, thinking on it.

And even when he brought everything onto the counter, he didn't say anything. It wasn't until he stood in front of you, nearly in between your legs as you sat on the stool.

"Just let me help you, yeah?"

Your eyes flickered over him, trying to read him but all you could get was -please. Almost like a desperation to help you, like he'd wanted to do this not just offering it-

"Yeah, okay," you responded softly.

"Shirt off," he quickly spoke -right to business, reaching over to the counter to grab what he needed.

You swallowed, you still weren't used to that. Taking your shirt off in front of people, off the top of your head you couldn't think of anyone who had seen your scars. Your top surgery scars. They were very obvious, right in the middle of your chest, and unavoidable. Did you want him to see them?

"Can't I just..." you started, "-unbutton the bottom?"

Tangerine turned back to you then, furrowing his eyebrows, "The gunshots in the middle of your chest, love, it'd be fuckin' half on anyway. Just take it off."

You frowned.

"No judgment here," he put his hands in the air, "-I couldn't care fuckin' less what your chest looks like, personally."

You licked your teeth and swallowed, before unbuttoning the dress shirt, slowly, but keeping it solidly on your shoulders. Kind of like how the men in cologne ads looked, with their opened-up shirts and the epitome of masculinity-

He didn't say a word, but you saw his eyes flicker over them -almost like he was noting it in his head before he switched his attention to the wound. He promptly dabbed it with an alcohol soaked cotton ball, and you nearly bit through your lip.

"Warn a guy, will you?"

Tangerine didn't even look up, "If that hurt, you're gonna have a fuckin' problem later, love."

"I've been stitched up before," you clarified, "-I'm not a newbie."

"Might as well be, yeah?" He hummed, tossing the cotton ball in the trash -flawlessly making it in (how does he even exist?), "-With your break."

"How do you know it was a long one?"

"I've never fuckin' heard of you," Tangerine explained, "-Ladybug's never heard of you and you're a part of his agency-" he dabbed another one over your wound, "-Must've been a long break."

He had a good point.

"Why are you so interested anyway?" You asked, quirking a brow, "-Plus, there are other agencies, how do you know I didn't come from one of them?"

"You're too good to 'ave," he replied, simply.

You fell silent, something stirring in your stomach -was that the first time he'd ever complimented you? Beetle you? Huh.

"Wow," you hummed, "-you can be nice. Who knew?"

"You're soundin' like fuckin' Lemon now," he groaned, before taking the needle from the counter.

"Lemon's smart then," you diverted your eyes -never could stand looking at being stitched up.

Tangerine rolled his eyes, and you looked back up to the ceiling -a smile ghosting onto your lips. Not that you'd ever let him see.

It went fairly smoothly, his hands made quick work of it and even quicker with the wound on your back (the bullet had gone right through your chest, luckily not hitting anything). Nothing happened, you were worried about nothing. He was Tangerine-

Just as you had started buttoning your shirt back up (you started from the bottom to the top), Tangerine froze.

Without a word, he walked closer to you -tilting your chin up with the ease of a finger and looking under it on your chest. You froze, his skin on yours was still something you couldn't deal with.

"Where'd you get 'at one?"

Fuck.

You knew what he was talking about immediately. It was a scar, just above your heart. You'd been stabbed on the job, and Lemon had fucked up your stitches so it had healed weird -came out curved somehow.

And then Tangerine was so paranoid that you showed him because he needed to know you were okay -it was so close to your heart.

"You almost fuckin' died, Butterfly. One inch down and..."

It was a one-of-a-kind scar. At the time, it didn't matter but now? You knew Tangerine could recognize that scar anywhere.

"Tangerine," you spoke out, measured. You tried to keep your voice calm, maybe you could save this-

He stepped back, eyes making contact with yours -they darted between them for a moment and then back to the scar, and then to your top surgery scars. You could see the wheels turning in his head, and everything in your body was screaming-

"Tangerine, listen-"

That was enough, something in him stiffened and he grabbed his coat off the back of the couch.

"Tangerine," you echoed out, but you knew it was no use now.

He didn't say a word, slipping it on and with the fastest steps you'd ever seen in your life, he disappeared out the door and slammed it shut.

The walls shook after.

You swallowed dryly, tears pricking at your eyes -this was never supposed to happen. This was never supposed to happen-

Your hand was on your com before you could even think about it, breaths shuddering out of your chest -sobs breaking in the back of your throat. You tried to stop it, hold it all back-

"Beetle? Hello? I see your com is on, everything alright?"

"They know," you whispered, nearly silent -tears streaming down your face.

"Who knows what?"

"The twins, they were... they were the ones nearby," you started, and your voice cracked, "-Tangerine offered to stitch me up and I have a scar-"

"Beetle, slow down. I can't understand you."

"They know who I am, Maria," you breathed out, tears catching in your throat, "-Tangerine knows and he's going to tell Lemon, and I don't know what the hell to do-"

"Beetle, breathe."

"He left," you echoed out, and you were crying -god it had been so long since you cried, "-he left, Maria. He didn't even say anything-"

"It's a lot to take in. Give him the benefit of the doubt."

"He's gone," you swallowed, "-I know it, Maria."

"You know him. Do you really think he's gone?"

You thought back to the pendant on his necklace -the butterfly, your butterfly.

"I don't..." you started, "-I don't know."

"Just wait, if nobody comes back... Give me a call, alright? I'll send a car your way."

So, you did.

You waited, buttoned your shirt back up, tried to wash the stain, and waited. You ended up flicking through TV shows, and smushed into the couch, waiting. Even thought about ordering your own food, but a part of you wanted to be sure that Lemon wasn't coming back.

After about two hours of waiting, you swallowed down the tears -eyes all red and puffy, and started gathering up your stuff. You accepted it now, you'd never see them again.

It was your decision, you would regret it for as long as you lived. Something in your chest heavy and exhausted, you readied yourself to call Maria back.

Just as your finger was about to touch the com, there was a jingle of some keys outside the door. You froze in place, slipping on one of your shoes without another thought -ready to leave. You knew he'd ask you.

The door slowly opened, and Tangerine peered inside -he looked worse for wear and you think if you focused hard enough you could see blood on his knuckles. You wouldn't ask, not now.

His blue eyes flicked over you, to your shoes and your coat all gathered up on your arms, he gnawed at his lip for a moment.

"Where the fuck are you goin'?

It was all harsh edges and sharp points, it made you bring up your own barriers.

"I'm leaving," you answered, straightening your posture and putting on your other shoe.

Tangerine didn't move for a moment, as you slowly made your way to the door -footsteps echoing in the heaviest silence you'd ever experienced in your life.

Just before you got there, Tangerine stepped in front of the door -something in his eyes heavy.

"Tangerine," you sighed, "-let me go."

"No," he answered simply, eyes meeting yours and you saw now, they were red and puffy too, "-hell no."

"Look, I really don't want to-" you started before briefly rubbing your temples, "-you want me to leave, just let me leave."

"Who the fuck said 'at?"

You tilted your head.

"Why would I want you to leave?" He furrowed his eyebrows, still angry, "-You... I just got you back, why the fuck would I want you to leave?"

"I lied to you, Tan," you breathed out, and something caught in your throat, "-I lied to you for years."

"You're fuckin' alive-" Tangerine exhaled, chuckling a little in disbelief, "-I have so many questions, yeah? That is far, so fuckin' far, from wantin' you to leave."

"Tangerine," you spoke, voice shaky, you just wanted to go. It would be so much easier if you just left-

He paused for a second, "Are you fuckin' listenin' to me?"

"I am," you replied, tears rising to the backs of your eyes, "-I just can't..."

"Love," he grabbed your wrist, something softer, gentler, "-Love, look at me, please."

You swallowed your tears and with a big breath, you looked at him. His eyes were always so very blue, but something about them then was vulnerable. Broken wide open, Tangerine sat in front of you.

"I want ya to stay, yeah?" He breathed out, wiping over his mouth, "-I want you to stay."

You pursed your lips, trying so hard not to cry -you shouldn't be the one crying, "Okay."

"Now," he sighed out, a little lighter, "-fuckin' sit down, you shouldn't aggravate the wound."

You wordlessly sat down on the far edge of the couch, closest to the door. Your hands were shaking, so you laid them flat on your lap -trying to calm down.

He wants you to stay.

"You said-" he started, his voice getting caught up in his mouth, "-You said you were in a cabin, yeah? Where?"

You opened your mouth, confused, "Why does that matter? You have... I lied to you for years and that’s your first question?"

He was standing up, pacing, and then suddenly stopped. He looked up at the ceiling for a moment blinking.

"You know, when they told us you were... dead," he echoed out -something caught in his throat, "-they didn't have a body? All we had was-"

His hand went to his necklace putting the pendant in between his fingers, "All we had was your things, there was no fuckin' body-"

"What does this have to do with-"

"I looked for you," he finally said, "-everywhere I went for a job, I fuckin' looked for you. Because if there wasn't a body, you could still be-"

He fell silent, for a moment -swallowing, eyes swimming over you like he couldn't believe it, "...alive."

"So," he continued, clearing his throat, "-I want to know where the fuck you were. 'At fair?"

Your mouth snapped shut - he looked for you? For how long? That wasn't important now though.

"Alaska," you answered, wiping at your eyes, "-small town, in the middle of nowhere. I had... I had an alias."

"Fuckin' Alaska," he muttered, under his breath.

"It was cold all the time," you added -a bit awkwardly, "-snowed nearly everyday."

Tangerine scanned over your face, maybe like he was trying to imagine you there, alone in the cabin. Or maybe, you out in the snow.

"That day..." he started slow, "-did you fight it? When you were told what you... what you had to do, did you fight it?"

"What are you asking?"

"Did you even think about telling us? Or, or-" he swallowed and his voice was husky and his eyes were bleary, "-coming back to us?"

"Tangerine," you echoed out, emotionless -trying to reign it in, "-I didn't have a choice. You know that."

"I know," he agreed, "-but did you fuckin' try?"

"You think-" you exhaled out, tears gathering in your eyes now, "-You think I didn't try to say goodbye? That I didn't beg Maria to change her mind? That I didn't tell her you guys would keep the secret-"

"Beetle-"

"-just so I could stay?"

"Beetle, I didn't..."

"I did," you swallowed, "-I did beg. It didn't work. If I... If you would've known, we both would've been in too much danger. I couldn't risk it."

"The White Death, yeah?" He clarified, and he was closer to you then he was before. His fingers kept twitching like he wanted to do something.

"He was after me," you hummed, "-knew where I was, where you were, where Lemon was."

"I just-" he started, "-I don't fuckin' get why... after you- After the White Death was killed, why didn't you- why didn't you come back? Tell us?"

"It's... complicated."

"Why?" he stressed out, "Why was it complicated? You were alive, and I don't know about Lemon, but, personally, I would've loved to fuckin' know 'at."

"Tangerine," you started, "-I'm different now, and you guys... you grieved me. How was I supposed to come back from that?"

"I don't give a flyin' fuck 'at you're a man," he interrupted, "-I just wish you would've felt comfortable enough to tell me- tell us earlier."

"Tangerine," you could feel the tears in your eyes.

"And we grieved you, yeah, but-" he explained, messing with his hands for a moment, "-knowing you're alive? That you were fuckin' breathin'? The grieving... It wouldn't 'ave fuckin' mattered, love."

"It would have," you stopped him, "-you thought I was dead-"

"Love," he suddenly sat by your side, gently holding your wrists in place, "-listen to me for once, yeah?"

You nodded, wordlessly, tears slipping down your face, this was guilt you were holding onto for years.

Without hesitating, Tangerine gently started swiping them away with his thumbs, "I thought I was in a world without fuckin' you. Lovely, annoying, beautiful fuckin' you."

You opened your mouth, but he merely continued.

"I couldn't imagine my life without ya in it, and then suddenly it was the fuckin' life I was livin'," he sighed out, eyes matching yours and hands cradling your jaw, "-you being alive changes fuckin' everythin'."

"Why?" You offered, eyes scattering between his -looking for an answer.

He paused for a moment, before dropping his hands, pushing his hair back for a moment, and swallowing. It was like he was readying himself.

"Lemon used to tell me that I was stupid," he finally said.

"Doesn't he always?" You furrowed your eyebrows.

He smiled a little bit, before grabbing one of your hands with his and fidgeting with your fingers -kind of like he just needed to be close to you, "Right, yeah. But this... He told me 'at one day I would regret not tellin' you."

"Telling me what?"

"When you... when you died, I realized the idiot was fuckin' right," he hummed out, a sob catching in his throat but he just kept talking, "-and then, I met a fuckin' self-righteous bloke who had the nerve to dare me to shoot 'im. Looked me right in the eyes."

"Tangerine-"

"And then the guy kept showin' up, and I kept seein' 'im and it was the always same back and forth," he continued, tracing along the creases of your palm, "-but at some point I started thinkin' that I wouldn't shoot 'im, even if he asked."

You laughed.

A smile flickered across his face at the noise, but he kept his eyes downward, "And then, I see 'im bloody and hurtin'. And I think back to the first time, when I didn't say it and if now I wasn't gonna be fuckin' able to-"

You raised an eyebrow.

"And then they dared to be the same fuckin' person."

"Tangerine," you asked, "-what the hell are you talking about?"

It was then that he finally looked up, and then you realized how close his face was to yours. You feel the puffs of his breath against your skin, and it made your head fuzzy. Your thoughts became blurry and all you could see was him-

Tangerine. Tangerine. Tangerine-

"I really don't give a fuck 'at you're a man," he repeated, blue eyes laser focused on yours.

You furrowed your eyebrows, "What the hell does that-"

His eyes dipped down to your lips.

Oh.

"Really?"

"Not a flyin' fuck," he echoed out.

You smiled, before letting your own eyes drift -just for a second. It was like a confirmation, a consent.

Before you could say another word, his hands reached up to grab your face and bring your lips to his. It was all force, desperate, like you were oxygen and he just wanted to breathe-

But somehow still gentle, holding you -fingers rubbing along your face like he was reminding himself you were there. That you were alive. That you were sitting there beside him breathing. It made sense now, all of it.

The grieving didn't matter because you were alive.

He finally separated, keeping his forehead on yours for a split second -staring into your eyes and huffing out breaths.

He kept you there, until it felt like you couldn't breathe -he stole all of it away.

When there was a knock on the door.

Then, there was another knock.

He groaned, throwing his head back -decidedly not letting you go.

"What do you fuckin' want, Lemon?"

"No way to treat someone who got you food," he chastised, "-you 'ave the keys, let me in."

"Come back in ten minutes," Tangerine answered -eyes solidly on yours, you felt frozen in your seat.

"The food's gonna get cold, mate," Lemon retorted, "-don't ya want it warm? I worked hard to get it, ya know? The closest restaurant was like a fuckin' block away-"

"Ten minutes," Tangerine repeated.

"I'm not fuckin' leaving," Lemon started again, "-it's cold out 'ere. You gonna leave your brother out in the fuckin' cold-"

"Fuckin' go, Lemon," Tangerine groaned out.

"Fine," he breathed out, "-keep snoggin', but don't fuckin' complain if I eat some of your food."

Yeah, you really missed this.

"We won't," you chimed in with a smile.

Tangerine smiled at you like you held the sun.

#tangerine bullet train #bullet train #tangerine x reader #tangerine x y/n #tangerine x you #tan's things #tangerine #tangerine bt oneshot #he/him reader #trans male! reader

[yanderes-galore]

Romantic yandere Geto Suguru concept

I actually enjoyed watching the transition of Geto's characters in Volumes 8 -> 9 so I just had to write for him. For him, my thoughts went from "Oh, I like him!" to "Oh, I'm scared of him!"

In the future, if you want to request him, put if you want Jujutsu Sorcerer! Geto or Curse User! Geto. Then if you want Fake! Geto, you can just say that or "Kenjaku" I guess.

Possible Spoiler Alert For Volumes 8 -> 9 of JJK

Yandere! Geto Suguru Concept

(Jujutsu Sorcerer! Geto and Curse User! Geto)

Pairing: Romantic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Manipulation, Overprotective behavior, Possessive behavior, Violence, Genocide mention, Blood, Kidnapping, Degrading behavior, Human pet mention, Murder, Dark themes, Isolation, Forced relationship.

Okay, I'll say this now...

JS! Geto's darling could be either a non-sorcerer or a Jujutsu Sorcerer like him.

CU! Geto would have a Jujutsu Sorcerer darling or a non-sorcerer pet.

He goes through a drastic change in character I've noticed... and it scares me as it's depicted really well in the manga.

JS! Geto would fully be on board with protecting his darling.

If you aren't someone who sees curses, you're like the one friend he has that isn't in his immediate circle of Jujutsu Sorcerers.

He cares about you, while Gojo mocks him for having a soft spot for a non-sorcerer... Geto doesn't care since he enjoys your company.

Geto also wishes to protect and care for you if you are a fellow Jujutsu Sorcerer.

This is before everything that's happened... before he gained a God Complex and lost his way.

He tries not to use lethal force and has a righteous attitude.

He truly does care about you before he loses his way... but I imagine he isn't quite sure how to confess such feelings.

However, even Gojo can tell Geto is fond of you.

He speaks about you with praise regardless on your relations to curses and that only ever changes after "the incident".

He allows you to talk to him, if you're a non-sorcerer he takes the curses attracted to you off.

He'd do anything for you... he just tries to keep things professional and tries to hide such emotions.

Gojo no doubt jokes about Geto dating you... which causes fights, as expected.

He's not usually a physical yandere regardless of what Geto we're talking about.

He probably tries as a JS, but apologizes in case you react badly.

His tone shifts later, after the change of mind and literal genocide.

He's even more manipulative, violent, egotistical, malicious, and dangerous.

I refer to this Geto as CU! Geto, or Curse User! Geto.

Geto would be overly fond and manipulative towards a Jujutsu Sorcerer/Curse User! Darling.

However, with that same non-sorcerer! Darling as before?

They become a pet.

He hates non-sorcerers by this point.

What irritates him even more is he still has feelings towards you.

No matter how much he tries to deny himself or ignores it, he's still fond towards you.

So he makes you a pet, still a monkey... but you're his.

He feeds off your cursed energy and comes off degrading and condescending.

Geto calls you lucky, perhaps he won't slaughter you like the rest.

You feel like a trophy more than anything.

As a Jujutsu Sorcerer/Curse User, however... Geto is still manipulative yet affectionate.

He more openly admits the feelings he has for you and praises you.

He probably gives you lessons and manipulates you to garner loyalty.

He adores you... hell, even as a pet he likes you to some extent.

You silently miss the old Geto, you liked him before.

This one only scares you... makes you cry...

He isn't Geto in your eyes.

Yet... none of that matters now, does it?

One way or another, Geto will have you completely under his control.

He'll slaughter those around you... parents, relatives, friends... after all, he killed his own parents.

He'll isolate you, kidnap you if he has to...

Geto has embraced his dark desires fully.

Morality doesn't matter anymore.

He'll feed from you, train you, and coat you both in blood to have you...

He isn't Geto anymore, not to you...

He's a monster wearing the face of the one you once cared for.

(Ironic)

#yandere jujutsu kaisen #yandere jjk #yandere suguru geto

[jessybarnes]

Untamed

Pairing: Bruce Banner x Reader 

Rating: 18+ Minors DNI

Tags: NSFW TITLE CARD, SMUT, angst, fluff, seducing, mentions of masturbation, mentions of using sex toys, lingerie, fingering (female receiving), cum eating, finger sucking, Bruce transitioning into the Hulk (not sure if this is a trigger, but I'm not taking chances), kissing (both Bruce and Hulk receiving), handjob (Hulk receiving… again Idk if this is a trigger but noting it anyway cause after some research I've learned that even his cum is green.), making out, biting, hickeys, fucking against a wall, choking, implied all night fucking, and I think that's it. 

Word Count: 4,129

Beta and Title Card: Yours Truly 

Written For: My amazing bestie and beta, Tiffany. <3

Being married to an Avenger had its perks. You got to live in Tony Stark's swanky tower, you had your own team of expertly trained bodyguards, and the best part of it all? You stole the heart of Bruce Banner. The two of you met under unfortunate circumstances, but it was still the best day of your life. 

You'd been caught in the crossfire during one of their missions, a monster took you hostage to use as leverage for their escape. The thing had a knife held against your throat, threatening to kill you on the spot if any of the Avengers moved an inch. You looked into their helpless eyes. Captain America, Hawkeye, Thor, and Iron Man all stared helplessly back at you contemplating how they were going to save you. 

In the distance, Natasha was holding her upturned palm to a furious Hulk. He was grunting and clenching his fists as she took a tentative step toward him.

"Hey, big guy. The sun's getting real low."

He trained his eyes on her, as his anger started to dissipate. Just before he was about to give in he heard you scream.

He snapped his head in your direction, a loud, angry roar shaking the surrounding buildings as he ran towards you. Cars, signs, sidewalk benches, nothing was safe from his wrath. It all happened so fast. One moment your captor was pressing the blade harder against your skin and the next you were in the Hulk's arms. 

At first, you were startled, his big green eyes scanning your body as he held you in his large green hand. He was breathing heavily, his nostrils flaring, as he spoke.

"Hulk save you."

You smiled and were about to respond but Captain Rogers beat you to it.

"That's good, buddy," he set his shield down and slowly walked towards the two of you. "Why don't you put the lady down now, okay?"

The Hulk tightened his grip on your waist and snarled, "NO! Hulk keep pretty lady!"

Steve went to speak again, but you turned around to look at him.

"Wait. It's okay. Let me try something."

They all watched in wonder as you brought both of your hands to his face, your thumbs brushing his hard skin.

"Thank you for saving me," you smiled. "If it's okay, I'd like to meet Bruce too. He's a part of you, and in a way, he saved me as well."

He held you for a moment longer, taking time to mull over your request. Finally, he set you down on a nearby barrier and transitioned back into the well-known scientist. 

You smiled as you recalled the fond memory. You and Bruce had been married for two years, and he made you the happiest woman in the world. Sure, it was difficult when he'd go on missions, but that wasn't what bothered you the most.

What you really wanted was for him to make love to you. Ever since the start of your relationship, all he'd ever done was kiss you. Sometimes he'd go as far as fingering you, but it never went further. He was terrified to do anything else because he didn't want the Hulk to accidentally hurt you. He'd never forgive himself if that happened, and he made you fully aware that being with him meant no sex. 

You didn't have to have sex to be happy with him. It wasn't a deal breaker, but you couldn't help but want to feel him inside of you. God, you bet he made the prettiest sounds. You had plenty of toys to keep you satisfied, and you'd be lying if you said you hadn't made yourself come to the thought of him fucking you into oblivion.

Natasha and Wanda helped you try and seduce him a number of times, but that always ended with a heavy makeout session and a very, very aroused Bruce. 

That's what the three of you were doing now. Planning yet another attempt in getting him to fuck you. You were dressed in short lacy lingerie, a pair of stockings with little black bows at the bottom, and your favorite pair of black pumps.

"I don't know about this, guys. What if someone sees me on the way down to his lab?"

Nat grinned and crossed her arms. "Don't worry about that. I've got it all taken care of. Steve and Bucky are out on a mission, Sam and Clint are in the gym doing their weird juice cleanse workout, and Thor's in Asgard. That only leaves Tony, Vision, and Rhodey to worry about. Wanda, you're taking Vis on a date, right?"

She nodded. "Yep! Typical dinner and a movie, but it'll be fun getting some fresh air."

Nat turned her gaze back to you and smiled. "That leaves the two iron wonders, which by the way, I've decided to take on a supply run."

You sighed, playing with a strand of your hair. "Okay, let's do this. Get me to the lab." 

Surprisingly, you made it there without being seen by anyone. The girls gave you a little nudge toward the door before blowing kisses and waving goodbye. Once you were alone, you took a moment to watch Bruce through the glass.

He was concentrating on some new prototype, his teeth worrying his bottom lip as he silently worked. God, he was so beautiful without even trying.

Taking a deep breath, you opened the door and walked past the threshold. There was no going back now.

"Oh, hey honey! Is it already time fo-"

The words died on his tongue as soon as he looked at you. The test tube in his hand clattered to the floor, his mouth hanging open in shock.

"Y-Y/N…"

You smirked and sauntered towards him, slowly running your hands over his chest. "Hey, baby," you breathed. "I thought you could use a break." 

He swallowed thickly and let out a shaky breath. "What um… what're you d-doing?"

You brought his hands to your hips, his fingers making the barely-there dress bunch up to reveal your ass. "Bruce, touch me…please."

He closed his eyes and moaned. "You know I can't. I-I can't risk hurting you, Y/N."

You brushed your knuckles against the stubble on his cheek and smiled. "You won't hurt me. I trust you...both of you."

You grabbed his right hand, "besides, feel how wet I am." He gently circled your clit, a desperate whine falling from your lips. "See baby? See what you do to me without even trying?"

Bruce gripped your waist tighter, his breathing becoming erratic as he slowly continued sliding his fingers between your folds. You were close, so close to cumming already. All the built-up sexual tension, seeing him like this, was almost too much. 

Almost.

Just before the coil of arousal inside you snapped, he pulled away, his hands coming up to grab his hair. "Fuck, baby, I… I can't. He's too strong, and if I ever lost you because of him… god, I can't even think about it."

You hated seeing him distraught like this. Bruce was an amazing, kind, loving man who gave you the world. The Hulk may be destructive, but he was still gentle with you. He'd never once hurt you, and in your heart, you believed he would hold true to that promise even during times like this.

You pulled him back into your embrace and kissed him like it was the last time you'd ever get the chance. He sighed against your mouth, his tongue sliding against yours slow and sweet. 

He eventually pulled away, still holding you close as he looked at you with hooded eyes. "Y/N, it takes all of my strength every day to hold myself back. I want to, god, do I want to, take you apart, make you come over and over again."

His fingers curled a strand of hair behind your ear and you bit your lip. "Baby, can you hear me out? I… I think I may have a solution for both of us."

He sighed. "Yeah, honey, go ahead."

You moved him to his chair, pushing his shoulder lightly so he'd sit down. His hands found purchase on your hips as you straddled his lap.

"Bruce, I know you won't hurt me. I know the Hulk won't either because he's never shown any aggression towards me. Give me this, try for me, just this once. We can start slow and if you feel like you're going to lose it then we can stop. You have total control, baby." You kissed his lips softly. "Please?" 

For a few seconds, he just looked at you. His brown eyes raked over your entire body. He swallowed, blowing a deep breath out of his nose as he held you a bit tighter.

"Okay. Okay, I'll try."

Your eyes widened, "thank you, baby. You have no idea how much this means to me."

He moved his calloused hand slowly up your thigh again, his fingertips tracing small circles on your clit. Your eyes rolled back, his darkening with unbridled lust.

"Fuck, Y/N, you're so pretty like this. Watching your body shake, those sweet little moans and whimpers, I swear I'm the luckiest man in the world." 

You began moving your hips, the sounds of your wetness echoing in the small space around you. "Oh, Bruce… baby I- …please. Oh, please don't stop!"

He quickened his pace, the newly added pressure of his fingers causing you to fall forward and grasp onto his shirt. He groaned, low and deep, his breath hot on your neck as he kissed your sweat-slicked skin.

"C'mon, baby girl. Come for me. Show me how pretty you look." That was all you needed, his command sent you over the edge, his hand and your legs becoming coated with your release. 

If Bruce wasn't holding you up, you'd have fallen to your knees. He peppered sweet kisses along your jaw to your lips, rendering you breathless.

"Gorgeous. God, baby, you're breathtaking."

Words failed you but that didn't stop your wandering hands. They eagerly began undoing his pants trying desperately to feel more of him.

"Whoa, honey. Hey, hey, hey, slow down. I know you're eager, but we gotta go easy. I don't want him to hurt you, remember?" Reluctantly, you stopped, but then an idea popped into your head. 

"Bruce? Can um… can I ask you a question?"

He pulled back, his thumbs brushing your upper arms, "you can ask me anything, Y/N."

You bit your lip and looked at the floor, suddenly nervous your request would end this whole thing before it even started. "Do you promise not to get mad at me?"

Bruce immediately wrapped his arms around you, "sweetheart, you're the only person I'm not angry around."

You blew out the breath you'd been holding and closed your eyes. "Can I talk to him?" 

He stiffened. "Y/N, I-I don't think th-"

"Please. He won't hurt me, Bruce. He never has. Please, just… please."

Just when you thought he was going to shut this whole escapade down, he slowly stood up. "Promise me you'll run if he gets out of hand."

You nodded and watched as he closed his eyes, his skin, hair, nails, everything turning green while he doubled in size. At first, Hulk was confused. His big eyes look down at you with interest. He huffed and held his hand out for you to take it. 

"Hey, big guy. Can you sit down for me against the wall over there? I wanna talk to you."

He tilted his head and haphazardly stomped to the opposite side of the room before plopping unceremoniously onto the floor making the lab equipment around you rattle.

"Thank you. May I sit on your lap?"

He looked up at you, his large hand gathering the thin material of your outfit between his fingers. "Y/N pretty. Hulk like clothes."

The corner of your mouth turned up into a crooked smirk. "Why thank you, honey. Can I sit down?" You gestured to his huge thigh and watched as he nodded. 

You straddled your hips over one of his legs, because it was impossible to do both, and cupped his face.

"You know how much I love you and Bruce, right?"

He blinked, "yes, Hulk know that."

"Well, I'd like to show both of you how much I love you, but I want to make sure you're okay with everything first."

He waited, the fingers on his right hand holding your waist.

"I want to be with both of you, in a more…intimate way. I wanna make the two of you happy because I love both of you with all my heart."

A low grunt rumbled through his chest. "Hulk love Y/N. But what intimate?" 

You scooted closer and smiled. "Can I kiss you?"

He nodded again, and you slowly leaned in, pressing your lips against his gently. At first, he didn't react, his whole body still except for his steady breathing, but then you felt him kiss back.

You pulled away to see his reaction and moaned when you saw the heat in his eyes.

"How was that, baby?"

His grip on your hips tightened a fraction. "Hulk want more."

You giggled and took his other hand. "I'll give you more, love, but first, I want you to feel how excited I am. You have to be careful with me though, okay?" 

"Hulk no hurt Y/N. Hulk be gentle."

You curled his fingers into a fist, save for his middle one, and brought it to your soaked pussy. "Do you feel that? Feel how wet I am here?"

He slid his large digit back and forth, watching curiously as you bit your lip, and then pulled his hand back to look at his finger. "Yes, Hulk feel."

You maintained eye contact as you sucked and licked your arousal from his skin. "Do you wanna try?"

He wasted no time, a little more sure of himself as he collected more of your juices. He inhaled your scent, a low growl reverberating in his chest as he tasted you. 

"Y/N good. Hulk need more."

You kissed the inside of his wrist and looked at him lovingly. "We can do more, but you really have to be careful, okay? Just one of your fingers is a lot for me to take, so you'll have to go slow."

He sighed softly and gathered a bit of your hair in his hand. "Hulk go slow. Always careful with Y/N."

You brought his hand between your legs again, but this time you guided his middle finger to your entrance. Bracing yourself, you sank down on him and whimpered from the slight stretch.

"Y/N okay?"

You licked your lips and let out a shaky breath, "yeah, baby. I'm fine. You feel so good."

Switching your position, you maneuvered yourself so your back was against his chest. He looked down at you, his free hand tilting your chin up.

"Hulk like when Y/N feel good."

You pulled him down for a chaste kiss and spread your legs so they were draped over his big thighs, "carefully move your finger, okay? Slowly in and out." 

As soon as you felt him pull out and push back in, a breathy moan fell from your lips. "Yeah, baby, just like that."

The sound of his soft grunts, the feeling of his toned muscles rippling against your skin, the way he brushed the sweet spot inside you, it was all so toe-curlingly good. Your second orgasm was building rapidly, making you whine desperately.

"Y/N feel wet. Hulk stop?"

You shook your head and moaned. "No, please don't stop. You're - oh, god! - gonna make me cum. D'you wanna see me do that, baby?"

He adjusted slightly, and suddenly you could feel his very large, very prominent erection pressing against your back.

"Yes. Hulk see Y/N" 

You canted your hips upward, meeting every thrust. "Go a little faster and do this with your finger."

You crooked yours to show him and he obeyed immediately making you cry out. "Oh, my god! Yes, oh, right there… don't stop please baby I'm so close!"

He huffed and grabbed your hand with his free one.

"Oh, fuck baby…yeah, oh, shit! Gonna cum… gonna come oh my g-FUCK!"

You squeezed his hand, your whole body convulsing as your walls fluttered around him repeatedly. He pulled out of you and examined his finger as you recovered from your moment of bliss.

"Hulk do good?" 

You turned around in his arms and kissed him again. "You did, baby. Thank you. Can I make you feel good now too?"

You let your fingertips ghost over the large tent in his shorts and watched as he closed his eyes and growled. The noise alone would scare anyone away, but not you. You knew he'd never harm you.

"Yes. Hulk feel good too."

Carefully, you freed him from his shorts, marveling at his impressive length and girth. "You're so big, baby. Being so good for me." He watched you spit in your hands and snarled when you began to stroke him. 

"Is this okay, love? Does this hurt?"

He threw his head back and panted. "No hurt. Feel good."

You smirked and began twisting your hands as they slid over the shiny green head.

"Remember, honey. Try not to hurt me, okay? I know it feels good, but when you cum you gotta try and stay still for me, alright?"

He gritted his teeth and brought a big hand to your cheek. "Hulk never hurt Y/N. Promise." He let out another choked cry. "Hulk feel funny...here." he pointed to his lower abdomen and you kissed his lips sweetly.

"That's good, baby. It means you're close. Just lean back and close your eyes for me. Let me make you feel good."

He listened and you watched his chest heave and his fists clench. 

"That's it. C'mon. Show me, sweetheart."

A few more strokes were all it took, a loud guttural roar filling the lab as thick ropes of cum coated your hands and his chest.

He stayed like that, panting and twitching, while you looked for a towel to clean him up. Grabbing one of the extra lab coats, you knelt in front of him again and planted a sweet kiss on his forehead.

"You're incredible, baby. I'm so proud of you. Bruce will be too. I knew you'd never hurt me."

He rubbed your sides affectionately as you cleaned him and your hands up. "No way hurt Y/N. Hulk love you."

You kissed his lips. "And I love you, baby. Can I see Bruce now? I wanna tell him how proud of you I am."

He gave you one final smile and closed his eyes, his body slowly becoming smaller until a sweaty Bruce lay slumped against the wall. 

He blinked a few times before he frantically ran his hands over you, looking for any sign of injury.

"Bruce, hey, calm down." You laced the fingers on both your hands with his and looked into his worried brown eyes. "I'm fine. He didn't hurt me, okay? In fact," you held up the lab coat that was now covered in sticky green liquid. "Things went more than okay."

He looked from you to the coat a few times before crashing his lips to yours. His kiss was possessive, nowhere near gentle as he explored your mouth eagerly.

"You were right, baby. I shouldn't have doubted you, but I was just so scared. I can't ever lose you."

You sat back on your haunches and grinned. "I know, honey. We can talk this over later, but right now I need you inside me." 

Bruce stood and pulled you to your feet, immediately pushing you against the wall. "You're perfect. Absolutely perfect, Y/N. I love you so damn much."

He kissed, nipped, and licked at your neck, littering a trail of purple-ish marks anywhere he could reach.

"Fuck, Bruce…"

He hummed and tore the front of your lacy top down the middle. "You're so beautiful, sweetheart. Smooth skin, perfect body, gorgeous face, amazing personality, you're an absolute work of art. I'm so lucky to call you mine. 'M gonna fuck you over and over again until you beg me to stop." 

A needy whine filled the small space between the two of you, your hands fisting in his hair. "Please! Please…want you so bad!"

He spun you around, pressing you against the wall as he undid his pants, kicking them off to the side. "Spread your legs, princess. That's it, brace yourself against the wall too."

You did what he asked and sucked in a sharp breath when he hooked your left leg over his thigh and pressed the head of his cock against your slick hole. "Don't you dare be quiet, you hear me, Y/N? I want every single person in this tower to know you're mine."

Your response died on your tongue as he slammed into you, setting a steady pace. 

You couldn't stay quiet even if you wanted to. Nothing compared to the way his cock made you feel. No toy, no vibrator, not even your fingers felt this good.

"Oh, Bruce! Oh, my fucking god!"

His left arm hugged your middle holding you up while his right wrapped around your throat, squeezing deliciously. "Good girl. Love hearing you scream for me. God, your pussy feels so good, warm and wet around my cock, pulling me in every time I slide home."

You clenched around him and he bit your shoulder. "Fuck! I gotta fill you up, baby. 'M sorry, but I'm not gonna last when you feel this good." 

Your left hand began rubbing your clit in time with his thrusts. "'S okay, Bruce… I-I'm close too. Feels - oh, fuck! Oh, my god! - s-so good!"

He was relentless now, the delicious drag of his cock against your walls was hard and fast. "Oh, fuck! That's it, princess. Yeah, that's right, squeeze me just like that. Come on, Y/N…let go with me."

His words were like a trigger, your third orgasm shooting through you like a bullet as he stilled inside you.

The two of you didn't move for a few minutes, the labored sounds of your breathing the only sound around you. Finally, he pulled out and turned you to face him, his lips colliding with yours in a passionate kiss.

"Fuck, that was…that was amazing."

Bruce caressed your cheek and smiled fondly. "Thank you, sweetheart. Thank you for being patient with me and with him too. We wouldn't have made it this far without you, and we owe you everything." 

You kissed him slowly, taking your time to feel him against you. "I love you, Bruce. I'll always help both of you with anything. You both complete me, in every way, and I can't imagine a life without you guys."

He held you close, his fingers sliding up your back and into your hair. He opened his mouth to respond, but F.R.I.D.A.Y. cut him off. "I'm terribly sorry to interrupt Mr. and Mrs. Banner, but Mr. Stark requests entrance to the lab."

Your eyes grew wide in fear of him seeing you naked. "Tell him to give us five minutes please, F.R.I.D.A.Y.."

"Of course, Mrs. Banner." Bruce threw you his clean lab coat, tossing the other one in the trash before pulling on his clothes. 

"Let's take this upstairs, Y/N. I'm not even close to being done with you." He winked and a jolt of arousal shot straight to your core.

"As long as you promise not to go easy on me, baby," you smirked. He swatted your ass and walked past you to the door.

"Oh, princess, now that I know you're safe with me I've got so many plans to take you apart over and over again. You're gonna be putty in my hands when I'm done with you."

Your teeth sunk into your bottom lip as you looked at his hooded eyes. Literally and figuratively, you were fucked. That was just a bonus though because you had everything you wanted. Bruce was yours in every sense of the word. 

Tony walked past you shaking his head, "there better not be a mess in there!"

You giggled and followed Bruce into the elevator. "No promises, Stark!"

Yeah, you thought to yourself, this is finally the start of our forever.

He glared at the closing metal doors, the sight of you and Bruce kissing being the last thing he saw. He smiled against your lips and you saw the happiness in his eyes.

#j snow writes #bruce banner #bruce banner x reader #bruce banner x you #bruce banner x y/n #hulk #the hulk #the incrediable hulk #hulk x reader #the hulk x reader #the incredible hulk x reader #bruce banner smut #bruce banner imagine

[dykepuffs]

I want to argue that Dracula is the first work of Nokiawave.

-It's heavily concerned with new technology which drives the plot: Telegrams between everyone being collated into the text, Dr Seward's audiolog on the phonograph which Mina types up, mass transit in the form of both trains and Tube, steamships (and specifically the contrast between steam and sail) and loads of minor examples.

-It's concerned with new social technologies and social change: Mina is a typist, a respectable modern job for a young middle-class woman. Jon is a clerk and is working in an exciting emerging market. Dr Seward uses all the modern methods and keeps up with theory and scientific developments. Lucy is pleased to have plenty of male friends, not just to be seeking to marry. And it contrasts this with both the "good" Old Ways - The helpful, hopeless, peasants who give Jon his anti-vampire icon, the "broad minded" but also clearly steeped in superstition Van Helsing - and the "bad" Old Ways - Obviously, Dracula and also the enslaved Roma (Who, oh god, I I have to write about them in the context of Romanian chattel slavery of Roma, which was technically abolished in stages throughout the 2nd half of the 19th century, but where emancipation came with enforced sedentarism and obligation to a landowner - And where many remained enslaved in all practical terms into the C20th, and specifically in Transylvania the effects of Maria Theresia's Four Decrees that were still in effect that meant they would both be indentured to a landowner as "new farmers" and their children would be kidnapped by the state and given to white families for "reeducation" - but most people analysing the text seem to treat them as willingly Evil Minions).

-It's full of the anxieties about what Eastern and Southern Europe will do as they "modernise and open" (ie become financially and culturally available to the West) and specifically the fear of the Rich Slavic* Oligarch (to a certain kind of British mind, anyone east of Berlin and north of Athens is Slavic, sigh) spreading their malign influence in the Capital Cities of the West. Even the touch that Dracula was once a warlord but is now a slick investor and man-about-town.

-It has lots of continent hopping, focusing on the ~local colour~ in Transylvania and the contrast between both the "superstitious" locals and the traveller who finds it all very quaint and interesting but not very serious, and between the poverty of the normal people and the wealth and seclusion of Dracula, and then likewise giving us whistle-stop tours of the interesting bits of Whitby and London, making the city as much of a character as the humans. The Westerner abroad is seen as just a natural phenomenon, but the foreigners* in Britain are notable and exotic.

- It has a mysterious superweapon/monster which is hidden around a big western capital city, where most people (and even the police and regular military) have no idea what it is and are powerless to stop it, and a lot of tension lies on the crux of "What happens if this gets out here, surrounded by all these civilians?" - In a way that treats the mythological East* as a natural place for atrocities to occur, but them happening in London is a shock.

-It has spying: Jon sneaking around the locked-up Carfax with his miniature camera, trying to take pictures to find out what Dracula is doing in there, could have absolutely been in a 1990s thriller. Likewise, meeting in Harrods to avoid suspicion because it's a plausible place for a fashionable young lady to be, surrounded by anonymising crowds.

-It has information warfare: Dracula reading up on British politics, studying maps of London, paying clerks and using shell companies to disguise his property acquisitions, and likewise the heroes using the telegram and port records and the sheer mass of paperwork generated by his activities to track Dracula, which feels like close kin to the Nokiawave staples of finding someone on cctv or by their credit card, or their car registration being flagged at a checkpoint. Jonathan lamenting the lack of an Ordnance Survey in Europe and the unmapped bits of Transylvania specifically really fits with the idea of the "Control Grid" posited by Gregory Flaxman who writes a lot about surveillance and information control in cinema.

-It has a team of both specialists and laypeople who were dragged into the action by circumstance, and much relies on their relationships. The laypeople's "unimportant" skills (Jonathan's knowledge of property and finance especially, and Mina's skills with logistics as well as her innovation and bravery in using herself as a conduit to Dracula) turn out to save the day. The team is multi-national and basically represents The Free World (TM), as well as allowing for jokes about national stereotypes.

-Mina being notably not a damsel in distress, but instead using her personal connection to the villain to absolutely ruin him in ways that nobody else could, is very much like the role of many women in Nokiawave films: She may be traumatised and in danger, more than anyone else because of the villain's obsession with her, but she's smart and deadly and willing to take risks to complete the mission.

-It ends with a massive cross-continental vehicle chase with tonnes of explosions.

#dracula daily #dracula

[natsstar]

your girl.

your girl.

pairing: natashaxfemreader & very briefly wandaxfemreader (nat is the ultimate focus here obvi)

warnings: angst and smut! minors dni! fingering (r receiving) oral (r receiving)

word count: 4,500

summary: you and natasha have always been close, but how does your relationship change when another woman comes into the picture?

————————————————————————

You have been living in the Avengers tower for about three years now, fully adjusted into your rigorous lifestyle. The diets, the training at the crack of dawn, the month long missions, it’s become your life now.

Blending into the already established team was hard at first, as you isolated yourself out of fear of seeming annoying or coming off as pretentious to the other Avengers. All it really took was one round of drinks and you let your guard fall, laughing and cracking jokes with the team like old friends. Once the barrier had been broken you began to feel a new ease in the tower, feeling comfortable lounging around in your pajamas and stalking to the kitchen early in the morning, groggy as hell, looking for a cup of coffee.

One person in particular had made your transition a bit easier– Natasha.

—---

“Tasha.”

“Y/N.”

Nat smiles at you genuinely, handing you a cup of coffee as you enter the kitchen, dressed in your gym clothes and ready to go. You grab butter and jam from the fridge as Natasha pops two pieces of toast in the microwave. The two of you typically spend your short mornings together, eating and catching up before you go your separate ways. In today’s case– Nat debriefing her last mission in the conference room with Fury and Wanda, while you spar with Steve. You grab the two pieces of toast after the toaster dings, slathering one with butter for you and the other with jam for Nat.

“Here ya go,” you say, handing Natasha her toast while simultaneously stuffing yours in your mouth.

Natasha wrinkles her nose, “Ew stop that.”

“Love you,” you retort, mouth full of bread.

Natasha huffs out a laugh as the two of you sit on the bar stools, sipping your coffee next to each other in silence.

“How long do you think Fury’s gonna keep you in jail for?”, you ask, swiveling your stool to look at her.

“Hopefully no later than two. God I can’t stand paperwork.”

You chug the rest of your coffee and toss your dish in the sink. “Coffee after Steve kicks my shit in?”

“Can’t,” Natasha starts, “Wanda wanted to grab a bite to eat afterwards, and I said yes.”

You turn to her and pout. “What the fuck am I gonna do? All by my lonesome?”

Nat snorts into her coffee. “Oh hush you’re fine. I’ll go straight to your room afterwards, I promise. Besides, it sounded important– I think something’s up with Wanda. Guess I’ll find out.”

“Well I hope everything’s okay,” you say, tying your hair up into a ponytail. “I”m off. Cross your fingers I don’t die.”

Natasha holds up her left hand, crossing her fingers. “Don’t die, I need you.”

You scoff, turning around and heading out the walkway towards the gym. “Yeah right.”

“Bye Y/N!” Nat yells after you.

“Bye Nat!”

—---

You get out of training at noon and head straight to the shower, body aching and sweating profusely from five hours of getting tackled repeatedly by a super soldier.

After showering you whip something up to eat and bring it back to your room, watching a show while you eat.

3:00 pm rolls around and Nat’s nowhere to be found. You think nothing of it, lounging on your bed and doing some paperwork of your own as you wait for her to come back. Once the clock hits 5:00 you start getting worried. You usually would’ve received a text at this point, either an update or juicy drop of gossip from whatever the fuck Wanda needed to talk about.

At 5:30 you stomp into the common area, spotting Clint and demanding information on Natasha’s whereabouts.

Clint stares at you blankly. “Uh. She’s in her room.”

“Nuh uh,” You yell over your shoulder, running down the hall towards Nat’s room.

You knock on the door quickly before swinging it open, barging in to find Natasha sitting on her bed, typing away on her laptop, clearly very focused.

“Natasha Romanoff! The suspense is killing me.”, you say, flopping down on her bed next to her.

“Oh hey, Y/N, sorry,” Natasha says, not even looking up from her computer. “I um, just needed to get some more work done, I was going to head to your room soon.”

Laying on your stomach and swinging your feet you look up at Nat with a goofy smile. “So what did Wanda want to talk about? Not to sound nosy, but I am in fact incredibly nosy.”

Natasha chews her lip, still staring down at her laptop, refusing to make eye contact with you. “She just wanted my advice on something, that’s all.”

“Advice on what….?”, you ask sheepishly.

Finally Natasha’s typing stops. She closes her laptop slowly and looks at you, teeth still digging into her bottom lip.

“She um. Well– she. God. She wanted my advice on you.”

You cock your head, confused. “Huh?”

“She likes you, Y/N.”

“Oh? Oh.”

You’re having a hard time deciphering what the look on Natasha’s face means, it’s somewhere between neutral and annoyed.

“And…. what did you tell her?”

“I– well I mean,” Natasha continues to stutter. “I didn’t really know what to say. Would you– do you like her?” Natasha asks, opening her laptop back up and reverting her attention back to the screen.

“Um,” you say, trying to think. You had always been pretty good friends with Wanda, not like you were with Nat, but the two of you had definitely been friendly in the past, getting coffee a few times, sharing movie and song recommendations. She’s sweet, and definitely beautiful.

“I guess I’ve never really looked at her that way,” you say, carefully trying to read how Natasha’s features change as you answer her question. “She’s a nice girl. Pretty too.”

With that, Natasha’s eyes harden. “Okay,” she says, relatively monotone, eyes focused on her laptop screen. “I’ll uh, tell her you’re interested then?” Natasha grinds her jaw.

You stare at her as she refuses to even look at you. “Tash, are you okay?”

“Yeah just busy,” she says, eyes glued to her screen, jaw clenched. She looks up at you, briefly meeting your eyes, a look you can’t quite place dwelling in the face she gives you. “I need to finish this. I’ll find you later, okay?”

You nod, sitting up on her bed and heading towards the door. You put your hand on the doorknob before looking back at her, only to see her fully engaged in her laptop once again. You leave and quietly close the door behind you, padding down the hallway to your room to settle in for the night.

—---

You wake up the next morning and head to the kitchen, ready to start the day and make toast for you and Nat. You’re greeted by an empty kitchen, no coffee brewing and no Natasha. Frowning, you make your own coffee and then your toast, eating by yourself in silence before heading to train with Steve.

You’re less focused than usual while sparring with Steve, taking more of a beating then you would usually allow.

Steve notices, stopping after you take a particularly hard hit. “You okay Y/N? Everything good?”, he asks, taking a sip from his water bottle.

You and Steve never really hang out much outside of training, but he’s become a constant in your life, always showing up each and every morning to help you work on your skills. You feel comfortable with him, sometimes falling into casual conversation as you two sparred, or rather he sparred and you sat there and took it.

“Have you seen Nat today?”, you ask, rubbing the bruise blooming on your thigh.

“I saw her slipping out earlier when I was on my run. Said she took an assignment last minute.”

You stare at him blankly, trying to hide the hurt you were feeling. You can’t even remember the last time Natasha went on a mission without saying goodbye to you. She doesn’t even go to the grocery store without popping her head in your room first.

“Y/N?”

“I’m good! Let’s keep going”, you stand up, readying yourself to continue the next two hours of training. The hurt surrounding Natasha starts turning into anger, as you throw punches at Steve relentlessly. He blocks and dodges every single one of them, but you keep going, trying to cover the sting of Natasha’s actions.

—---

A week and a half goes by and still no Natasha. It’s not like she’s able to contact you anyways– missions being completely undercover, no communication with anyone unnecessary. The first few days leave you a mess, picking at your nails and staying up at night, racking your brain trying to figure out what the fuck was going on. Sure you and Natasha got into arguments sometimes, but she’s always been your closest friend in the tower, and you two had always gotten past these things in the past. The one problem still remaining: You have no idea why she’s upset with you.

—---

Tony announces over Chinese takeout that he’s throwing a party in a couple days, something about keeping up social appearances. You grimace, hating the way Stark parties always turn into a two day bender. You wish Natasha was here, yet at the same time, you worry that she’s not even your friend anymore.

The night of the party comes and still no Nat. You sit in front of your bedroom mirror, dabbing your deep red lipstick. You’d gone with a darker look, dark eyeshadow and liner, matched with dark lipstick and a slicked back bun. You try on your black suit, sliding on your heels and looking in the full length mirror. The suit has a deep cut, showing off your midriff.

“Jesus”, you mutter under your breath. Feeling still completely lost with the lack of Natasha in the tower.

You saunter into the party, heading straight for the bar as the bass of the music shakes the entire room. You’re surrounded by people talking and laughing, yet you still feel alone, stuck in your little bubble. You order one drink and then another, and soon you’re pleasantly drunk, the alcohol pushing you into a dizzying content. Scanning the room, your eyes catch on a woman in the corner– it’s Wanda. She’s wearing a form fitting red dress, her legs shown off beautifully and her hair draping past her shoulders. You realize she’s staring right back at you, your eyes locked from across the room. You smirk, standing up from your barstool and teetering over a bit before regaining your balance and making your way towards her. You strut towards her confidently, a woman on a mission. This is what Natasha wanted before she left for her mysterious mission. Right?

Once you reach where Wanda’s standing you immediately put an arm out, resting it on the wall she’s leaning on, partially because you think it’s hot and partially because you’re too drunk to stand straight.

“Hi,” Wanda says, lower lip caught between her teeth, eyes sparkling.

“Hey you,” You respond, staring directly into her piercing blue eyes.

“What brings you over her?” Wanda asks innocently, peering up at you.

“Well,” you start, dipping your face slightly closer to her. “A little birdie told me that maybe you,” you point a wobbly finger at her, “have a thing for me,” the finger then coming back to point at you.

Wanda turns red, smiling and nodding ever so slightly.

You’re beginning to move your hand from the wall and onto her waist when you freeze, body going rigid as you catch a glimpse of the person walking through the door.

It’s Natasha, and she looks directly at you before turning back around and quickly walking back the way she came.

“Fuck,” you mutter under your breath. Teetering yourself away from Wanda and heading towards the door. A confused Wanda attempts to protest but you wave her off with your hand, fully focused on Natasha.

You round the corner just in time to catch a very pissed off Natasha Romanoff stalking into the bathroom, door slamming behind her. You follow swinging the door open and closing it behind you just as quick, locking it to ensure nobody walks in on whatever hex Natasha is about to put on you.

You turn to look at her, and god she’s mad. Her arms are crossed over her chest, which has a creeping redness that matches the angry heat in her cheeks. Her eyes shoot ice cold daggers at you, her lips pursed tight and her jaw clenched. Even though she’s shorter than you, you feel incredibly small in front of her at this moment, backing up so your back is pressed to the door.

“Hey Nat,” you whisper weakly.

She doesn’t say a word, merely raising her eyebrows at you in some form of red hot question. You begin to gain some courage, remembering how hard the last week and a half has been, wondering what was going on between the two of you, tearing yourself apart for answers.

“Nat. Natasha.” She takes a step towards you, the anger seeming to radiate off her body.

“I just– what the fuck,” your hands start to wave around, motioning towards her, trying to get across how frustrated you feel.

“So you leave without saying goodbye, and now you’re back and I’m the one in trouble?!” You begin returning her icy stare, feeding off her anger and growing more agitated with each passing second that she refuses to say anything.

“Just please, Natasha, I beg of you,” you begin raising your voice, “Will you just tell me what the fuck is going on? What the fuck did I do.”

Natasha falters, seemingly searching your face for a second. She sighs, “You know what, Y/N, just– just forget about it.” She takes a step back away from you, turning her head down to the floor and staring at the bathroom tiles.

“No, Natasha you don’t just get to say that. I’ve been losing my mind all week trying to figure out what I did wrong, I deserve an explanation.”

Natasha rocks back and forth on her heels, her eyes continuing to avoid your face.

You roll your head back, it thumping on the door, scrunching your eyes shut as your head begins to throb with the beat of the music outside the bathroom.

“I don’t like–,” Natasha begins to whisper, causing you to lift your head up immediately, “I don’t like seeing you with her, I-”

“Wanda?” you cut her off.

Natasha groans, covering her face with her hands.

“I mean okay,” you start, “I get it, but Nat, you can’t just control who I hang out with and– wait a damn minute, weren’t you trying to set us up last week?”

Natasha’s gaze is still on the floor, refusing to look up.

“Will you please just look at me, Nat.”

Natasha lets out a frustrated groan, whipping her head up and meeting your eyes with the same poisonous stare.

“Don’t you fucking get it Y/N?” She steps closer to you this time, her face inches away from yours, causing you to shrink back beneath her once again.

“Goddamnit I can’t fucking stand the way she looks at you! In meetings, during missions, all the damn time,” Natasha’s voice raises slightly, her tone hardening, “And out there?! Jesus I wanted to wipe that stupid look off her face.”

You stand there, looking at her in both awe and confusion, mouth gaping open.

She leans forward again, chest heaving from chewing you out and eyes searching your face for some sort of response to what she just said.

You search her eyes as they wander over your face, the pieces finally falling into place.

Natasha’s eyes rest on your lips and she grabs the collar of your blazer, a hungry look on her face begging you to say something.

You just nod silently, hand snaking up between the two of you, delicately wrapping your fingers around her neck and pulling her towards you. She responds by pressing her body into yours, pushing you against the door as your lips meet in a hungry kiss, the contact eliciting a small noise out of Natasha’s throat. You’re so drawn to her immediately, wanting to take in all and as much of her as you possibly can. She pushes her tongue past your lips, and you accept it eagerly, moving your hand wrapped around her neck to the base of her skull, tangling your fingers into her hair and pulling ever so slightly. As your mouths sync together, you feel Natasha grabbing at your waist, pressing further into you as you slide up the door, legs moving to wrap around her waist as she fully supports your body weight. Natasha’s hand grip your thighs as they wrap around her, your other hand also finding its way into her hair, tangling yourself into her, entwining your entire being as your heartbeats sync to the rhythm of the bass drowning outside. Natasha detaches her lips from yours, moving them down your jaw until she reaches your neck, nipping and sucking as you roll your head back, continuing to pull her hair as she marks you. You pant, lips swollen and head hazy as Natasha continues down your cleavage, your chest exposed by the cut of your blazer. You feel her hands sliding up your jacket, leaving goosebumps in her wake, every part of you she touches feeling like it’s caught on fire. Natasha removes a hand from your jacket, sliding it up and toying with the buttons of your blazer.

Head rolled back and eyes closed, you feel Natasha’s mouth move away from your chest. “Look at me,” she says, grabbing your chin and pulling your face down as your eyes shoot open.

“Do you want this?” she asks, looking into your eyes with genuine affection.

You nod, leaning forward to press a lingering kiss to Natasha’s swollen lips.

“I don’t just mean sex, Y/N,” Natasha goes on, pressing a kiss to your nose, “I mean, do you want me?” The look on Natasha’s face is loving and so uniquely her, as she scans your flushed face for any signs of doubt.

It was becoming increasingly clearer to you that your relationship with Nat wasn’t exactly platonic. You love her more than just a best friend, more than just a teammate. You wake up every morning looking forward to seeing her standing in the kitchen with a cup of coffee for you. You so deeply cherish the time you two spend together, and you constantly crave more of her, wanting her around you and in your space 24/7.

“Tasha,” you whisper, hands sliding down her face to cup her cheeks, “I want you everyday. Every morning, every night and every moment in between.”

You see the relief visibly wash over Natasha’s face at your response, a sappy grin plastered across her face.

“I would also like you to fuck me into this door if you wouldn’t mind.”

Natasha’s eyes darken, her grin turning into a smirk as her eyes flit back down to your lips. “Gotcha darling.”

Her lips crash into yours, drawing a small moan from you as she makes quick work undoing the buttons of your blazer, gently pulling it open and running her hands up your abdomen and to your chest, all without breaking your heated kiss.

You briefly break the kiss to shrug off your blazer before diving back in, your top half completely bare as you had foregone wearing anything underneath.

Natasha’s fingers find the swell of your breast, running her thumb over your hardened nipples, pulling moans from your throat. You find the zipper of her tactical suit, sliding it down to her hips and carefully pushing the tight sleeves off her shoulders, Nat shaking the sleeves off completely before returning her hands to your waist, kissing you back with the same amount of heat she was receiving.

Natasha pulls back, leaving you whining as you slide down the door, no longer being held up by her. Never breaking eye contact with you, Natasha peels off the rest of her suit, tossing it to the side and pressing her body back up against yours, attaching her lips to your jaw. You reach around her back and unclip her bra, pulling the straps down her arms and letting it fall to the floor, a groan escaping your lips as Natasha’s naked skin finally meets yours.

You tangle your hands in her hair, pulling her head back and forcing her to look at you.

“Please Nat,” you whisper, your arousal becoming more intense with each passing minute.

Natasha looks at you, eyes half lidded, her mouth red and swollen. “Don't get needy on me Y/N, I’m not going anywhere.” With that you pull Nat back into you, kissing her with everything you have.

Kissing Natasha is different than anything you’ve ever experienced. Despite having her lips moving against yours and her body pressed as far into yours as possible, you still want more of her. You run your hands up and down her bare back, feeling the muscles in her shoulders flexing as you trace your finger down the curve of her spine.

Natasha’s lips detach from yours as she begins lowering herself, planting kisses on your neck and all over your bare chest. She makes a trail of kisses down your abdomen, stopping at the waistband of your pants as she begins unbuttoning them.

She’s on her knees now, looking up at you with a questioning gaze. You run your hand through her hair, nodding for her to keep going, your bottom lip caught between your teeth and your core aching. With that, Natasha pulls your pants down, your underwear following soon after.

She hoists a leg up onto her shoulder, staring at the arousal pooling between your legs.

“All for me,” she whispers, her lips attaching to your inner thigh, leaving a trail of kisses and marks as she makes her way to your center. You whimper in anticipation, hands clawing at the door behind you, desperately trying to find something to hold onto.

When Natasha’s lips make contact with your clit you gasp, hand flying up to your mouth trying to keep yourself quiet.

She lifts her head up, “Look at me,” she says demandingly. You look back down at her, your hand still covering your mouth. She holds eye contact as she slides two of her fingers inside of you, a breathy moan releasing from her throat as she watches the way your eyes roll back into your head. Natasha curls her fingers before pulling them out again, repeating the same action as she begins pumping into you, her other hand wrapping around the leg that’s resting on her shoulder, her fingers digging into your thigh to keep you still.

You let out several strangled moans, muffled by your hand as you buck your hips up into her.

“Shh shh,” Natasha hushes you as she leans back into your center, taking your clit between her lips as she sucks it into her mouth.

The thrusts she’s giving you with her fingers are deep, curling right into the spot that has your legs shaking. You wildly buck your hips into her face, throwing your head back as it thumps against the door.

At this point you're a complete mess, chest heaving and legs shaking as you try to stay upright while Natasha does every goddamn thing right. She gives you a particularly hard thrust of her fingers, causing the hand on your mouth to fly to her hair, tangling your locks and pulling hard.

“Don’t stop, fuck please don’t stop,” You whisper desperately, your mouth falling open and your eyes bunching shut.

“Mhm,” Nat says into your pussy, the vibration from her mouth on your clit making you cry out.

She’s giving it to you hard and fast, fingers pumping into you as she laps at your clit, your body feeling like it’s vibrating. You continue to pant, gasps spilling out of your mouth as you throw your head back again, urging her to keep going.

“Come for me,” Natasha says into your center, “Give me what I want.”

With that, you begin to fall apart, the knot in your stomach exploding into a million pieces. You cry out as you come in Nat’s mouth, legs shaking and hands fisting her hair. If it wasn’t for the tight grip Nat had on your leg draped over her shoulder, you surely would’ve crumpled to the ground. Your hips buck into her as she assists you through your orgasm, the strokes of her fingers slowing and becoming more gentle as you come down.

Your breathing becomes less frantic as Natasha’s fingers come to a stop, she looks up at you, bringing her fingers to her mouth and sucking your arousal off of them as you caress her now very tangled hair.

After placing a kiss to the inside of your thigh, Natasha drops your leg, standing back up and pressing her front flush against you as she pulls you into a kiss. You sigh, wrapping your arms around her neck as you kiss her, deep and slow. The kiss is different than before, less frantic and more calculated, Natasha’s arms coming down to wrap around your waist and pull you further into her.

You pull back for air, resting your forehead against hers, a tired smile creeping up your flushed cheeks.

“My girl,” Nat whispers, eyes closed and utterly satisfied.

“Your girl,” you whisper back, “Only yours.”

Natasha’s eyes open back up, peering into yours. “How many people do you think are lined up outside of this bathroom waiting to pee?” she asks.

“Several,” you say, letting out a breathy laugh.

She presses a lingering kiss to your lips. “What do you say, we go to my room and pick this back up?” She says, fingers running up and down your back.

“I can barely walk, but yes,” you say, eliciting a giggle from Nat.

You give her a big smile, suddenly realizing how happy you are to have her, in this capacity and in your life as a whole. Your girl.

#natasha x reader #natasha romanoff imagine #natasha romanoff #natasha romonova #natasha x y/n #marvel #wlw community #wlw love #wlwedit

[godsleastfavoritewriter]

Kings and Knives

Pairing: Switch!Loki x Y/N

Summary: When training means you find a hidden weakness

Warnings: Hints at stuff but nothing... (maybe later teehee)

Words: 757

“Got you.” Y/n panted the words out with the knife only centimeters away from his throat. You watched him slow his breathing as he pushed his chin up higher, doing anything he could to keep the knife away from him. You turned ur knife around in ur hand so the dull side was facing him. He was too busy looking up to notice the transition, all he felt was the cold metal on his throat as he tried to keep his demeanor. “What? No snarky come back?” You chuckled lightly, you had never seen him like this, out of breath, out of words, defeated. He could easily keep fighting you but he strangely stopped. You finally dropped your knife leaving it at your side, as you watched him lose his composure, immediately dropping to his knees as he let his head fall in front of him, he is in a perfect position to apologize though he has nothing to apologize for. He stays there for a few more seconds to catch his breath. “Sit up” you surprised yourself with how demanding you sounded. Usually, you were never the one in charge or someone who gave orders. This new feeling made you feel confident and you loved it, you adored the power you had over him now.

Instinctively he sat up, he looked at you trying to regain the upper hand that he lost. “You know-“ “I didn’t ask you to speak” You cut him off not wanting to hear what he was about to say, knowing that it most likely would be to try to push your buttons. Maybe, it was time for a change, maybe you needed to remind him who was truly in charge of the relationship. He quickly closed his mouth fixed his posture and looked directly at you with pleading eyes. You now stood in front of him leaning down towards him with your hips. You were going to have fun with this. “Now look at you, seated so perfectly for me. I didn’t know I could bring a God to his knees so easily.” His eyes widen with your words. You stood back up as you watched him struggle to find a response. He opened his mouth to say something but quickly stopped when he saw you flipping the knife in your hand. You raised your eyebrow “Good boy, listen so well.” You pushed his hair back and watched him close his eyes in the bliss of the moment. “Now will you, be a good boy and wait for me in our room?” You questioned him with authority in your voice. He slowly got up and started to hover over you. You could feel your heart quicken as he started to put a hand on your cheek. Quickly you regained your thoughts and grabbed his wrist “That was an order, not a question.” You pulled him down and you heard a small airy whine fall from his lips. “And I would hate to have to repeat myself.” You could almost see his mind slip into a state of submission as he only nodded and left the training room. You watched him calmly leave the room, as soon as he left you cleaned up the training room. You needed time to think of your next steps, you wondered what he looked like when you stepped into the room, would he try to regain confidence? You were excited, a little nervous as this is not the normal dynamic between the two of you but it was thrilling. Once you made it to the door you took a breath, bracing for whatever it was that you would be walking into. You pulled your shoulders back and opened the door, closing it behind you. He sat there on the edge of the bed, sat up straight with his hands interlocked on his lap, he watched you intently. You walked in front of him, the knife still comfortably in your hand, “You truly are a sight for sore eyes.” you praised him as you let your other hand brush his hair back. He closes his eyes as he leans into your touch. You start to kiss his other cheek, you can hear his slow breaths as he enjoys this moment. He slowly moves his hands to your waist, you back up away from him just before he is able to touch you. “Please,” He looked at you with pleading eyes, he picked himself up standing in front of you now with much darker eyes, “You don’t have-”

#loki #loki laufeyson #loki x y/n #loki x reader #sub loki

[punkeropercyjackson]

Came up with a Jercy take/au so i remembered those hcs i promised @kitkatperce LMFAO Here you go Sar🤟🏼

Black4Black obviously-Percy's monoracial and Jason's mixed because Sally's afro-dominican third gen inmigrant and the gods are black.Jason's a natural dirty blonde and has brown eyes and lightskin swag /lh

Certified t4t couple.Jason's a wolfgirl turned werewolf-adjacent trans man who's the walking embodiment of positive and healthy masculinity and is fully transitioned with top surgery scars and Percy is a pastel punk trans woman who canonically acts extremely femme eggy so she's a blue hair and pronouns mermaid-esque gamer girl and her new full name,Persephone,was chosen because the og gave her Metamorphose,food that's been blessed by Aphrodite to give the eater their ideal apperance so it's basically hrt for trans people,as a gift and Percy wanted to thank her

Also transhet4transbi demi4demi and autistic4autistic but Percy's got no masking game and Jason's got all of it but he don't play with her ever

They were kinda meant to have a spark in every way-Tons of similarities but a few significant contrasts that don't lead to toxicity but instead them being complimentary and good for eachother,the beef between Zeus and Poseidon and how much Percy fucking despises her dad and Jason wanting to be completely free of Jupiter,Percy's severe older men trauma and Jason's defiement of what men are 'supposed' to be that's influenced by his transmasculinity but also a genuine effort on his part and connection with Percy that women are inherently better caused by the misogyny he also faced pre-egg cracking and even some afterwards from particularly big jerks and Jason being Hazel's pseudo-dad pre-Hoo and Percy being Nico's pseudo-mom before All That Fuckshit.Obviously they're not perfect together based off that last part alone and Jason's mostly a hc but it's certainly better than adultifiying Hazel!!

Percy's tgirl ass was glad to be friends with a guy who was taller than her for once and Jason found her 6' height hot on sight and immediately wanting to shock himself for because JASON THAT'S INNAPPROPRIATE,SHE'S A LADY AND YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW HER!!!!!!(There was minus zero nsfw thoughts going on and he's just a prude)

'She's Lois Lane........But with Aquaman's powers.Does that make sense?'-Jason telling Piper about his Percy love epiphany and she rightfully laughed at him for it and he fumed in humiliation

Piper is a false romantic lead but there's no jealousy on Percy part and none on Piper's part either actually because she never actually liked Jason and only used thinking she did as a heterosexual allusion to avoid confronting her internalized lesbophobia(which is the general term for anti-sapphic in case y'all get mad,i know she's canon unlabeled and mspec)and Jason realized he's transhet instead of bi transmasc like he thought and just had envy of Piper's butch swag so they were on great terms afterwards

Huge on physical touch,quality time and words of affirmation.Percy can't keep her hands to herself once she really falls in deep for him and he's loving every second of it but is completely oblivious to the change,they do parallel play on a daily basis but also share a few special interests now thanks to infodumping and participating in them together and they're training partners and aside from direct verbal validation,they also leave sticky notes with sweet messages('Even if you weren't perfect today,you're still my Superman'-Your Blue Kryptonite/'Hey,the sea may not liked to be restrained but i heard she likes this'-Bolt Boy')and talk good things to others even when they're not around

Outcast gf x Popular bf but they cut the bullshit and go straight to best friends with zero judgement and only sunshine and clear rain.Them getting together by Boo would be forced asf so instead they're a Ghostflower situation:Besties with implied subtle crushes > Significant seperation period causes their hearts to grow fonder and they're fullblast soulmates by choice > They settle into it for a long while so they can be a real couple and true true love.This includes Percy having a Jason tributed hairstyle change as she dyes her faded from gray to white streak sky blue and Jason asking for tons of Percy sculptures to be made in her honor and she's as flattered and flustered and teasing about it as Gwen was and Jason has the rizz Miles does too

Back to the Percy older men trauma thing,i think we all picked up on how Weird And Unnecessary Luke is towards her in canon and i won't get into it so it dosen't get triggering but even though he never dated her,his frequent and looming presence combined with his again canon pedophile status to her own best friends(Annabeth and Thalia)and another friend of hers she felt awful for not keeping an eye on(Silena),he left scars on her regarding manhood that only fueled her transfemininity and hatred of the gods and Apollo in particular due to his treatment of the Hunters and 'history'.Jason's entire Percy appeal is despite the looks,he acts nothing like how boys are taught to and punished if they don't and the closest exception is how gentlemanly and chilvarious is he but even then that's black dude swag specifically

Percy is 4d,Jason is 4c.Her usual style is comics!Starfire hair i.e down to her hips and BIG FLOOF,his is shoulder length and his natural very thick curls.They have wash day together and Percy's uses fruity shampoos and gets Jason to do the same and they try out different looks together-Percy's favorites are butterfly locs,a blk version of mermaid waterfall and jumbo ponytail and Jason's are twists,afropuffs and at one point he got an afro fade with a lightning bolt and Petcy damn near forgot how to breathe

Nico's also black(Maria was black-italian)so cute lil found black family sitch.He could NOT stand Jason's ass at first for no reason,he's just a posessive brat over his big sister slash mom but Jason proved himself not too much into it by defeating Cupid before he even got a hint of what he was tryna get out of him and Jason telling him that he only cared Cupid was forcing him into something earned him lifelong trust.They're an official quartet as off Hoo finale and Jason makes regular trips to the Familia Jackson household and they have both quests and normal adventures and they can be found doing just about anything together from wholesome down to earth activities to buck ass wild supernatural shenanigans

Hazel's also a lesbian and pastel goth so her and Jason's semi-normie ass have a lot of fun getting to know eachother again /gen /pos.Naturally they talk about their gfs with Hazel's love life being as Mabel Pines-esque as she is by herself and Jason is goofy black dad from a sitcom-coded and supports her in her nonchalantly macabe nature and you can just feel the rekindled familial love there like you can Nico and Percy and when Jercy finally have their bio kids,Nico and Hazel become the best Tío and Auntie ever

Jason is Percy's All American Boy in a black biracial kinda way and Percy is Jason's Girl Next Door in an afrolatina kinda way

Something something The Man with his head in the clouds and The Mermaid who keeps her head above the water meet where the sky and the sea do and their worlds are forever transformed by it as they become just one united

And since this is a ships trend with me at this point:Jercy-coded images

#t4t jercy #percy jackson #persephone jackson #jason grace #black percy #latino percy #black grace siblings #trans jason grace #autistic percy jackson #autistic jason grace #pastel punk percy jackson #werewolf-adjacent jason grace #team mom percy jackson #nico di angelo #hazel levesque #black nico di angelo #group:yes when i'm with you i'm at home #lesbian hazel levesque #pastel goth punk hazel levesque #trans nico di angelo #autistic nico di angelo #autistic hazel levesque #trans hazel levesque #pjo #anti luke castellan #pjo gods slander #antilukercy #anti percy x gods #💌 #summerposting

[sciderman]

Reading New Mutants #98 is such a wild experience because Wade still acts as the snarky and kinda sadistic shit talking queen of mercs, but he's also like...super menacing and competent too? Especialy next to today where people fuck him up like a noob, seeing him taking out a group of mutants with gadgets and tricks, body Nathan and having to be taken out by a suprise element was a true shock...and i kinda love it? Like, Wade shows up and he's actually a threat, but a threat that doesn't even take you seriously, he insults you but is also oddly polite to his main target. What is your take on the original version of Wade?

interesting question! really really reaaaally interesting question! new mutants #98 is an issue i've read like, a million times because newer comics always always always recontextualise it - so you find out, wait - domino was vanessa in disguise, so actually, she probably had an insight on how to take down wade better than anyone else - wait, nathan knew wade as someone who saves his life so was probably pulling his punches actually - wait - the guy who sent wade to kill nate was actually nathan's SON?? like there's five million plot twists that come after new mutants #98 that get me rereading it over and over.

i do love that wade's introduced as someone who is equipped and prepared – he definitely was more competent in the earlier comics, he was perpetually a threat, and always had just the contrived weapon in his arsenal needed to take out certain mutants with certain powers.

they kind of gradually started stripping him of all that - i think when he started making the transition from minor villain to empathetic anti-hero, they started stripping him of his teleporter belt, his image inducer, his swiss-army-knife arsenal that made every fight too convenient for him. and now - now he's just a guy with two swords and maximum effort.

i'm not saying it's bad – buuuut... i love the mission impossible movies. i love impossible gadgets. it's so much more fun to see than just, you know, guys hitting and slashing at each other. give me stupid weird gadget that wade has tucked away in some pouch belt of plot convenience specifically to take down this specific guy with weird specific powers. give me a competent wade who did all the research before going into the fight. not a wade wilson who kind of coasts by with dumb luck and gumption.

but - you know, on the topic of wade being hyper-competent in new mutants #98 it's - kind of not something i believe, either. sure, he's a menace to those kids but - remember, he does still get his ass handed to him in a humiliating kind of a way. what a start to his career. and these guys aren't shaken at all. no "oh my god. this guy is someone we should worry about. we should worry about letting him free." no. wade is shipped back to his employer in a box. there's no worry that he might come back angrier. deadpool's kind of a joke.

nathan summers does often maintain a level-head in general - buuut, i just don't think there was any moment in that fight that nathan really thought he was going to lose against wade. there was no "oh no, all hope is lost" moment. wade was just quick with his punches, sure, but i don't think the cards were actually in his favour. nathan wasn't incapacitated, and would have easily taken wade down.

he kind of just didn't want to, i don't think.

i think maybe he wanted to see what wade could do. and i think if nate really thought wade was a threat to the kids, nathan would have protected them more fiercely. there's no reason at all why nathan couldn't have so, so easily just - yeeted wade out of the building. wade really, really wouldn't have stood a chance if nathan really saw him as a threat to him or (especially) to the kids. nate's training up these kids. he probably saw wade as just - adequate practice for them, but no real threat. wade is completely manageable for him.

i think later on wade gets savvy to the fact that nathan usually pulls the punches with him.

nathan could so, so easily just...

if he didn't want to deal with deadpool.

i think vanessa probably knew that too. and i think that's why she stepped in when she did - because she probably thought if wade pushed too far and trod on one of nathan's nerves, it would be the end for wade. so she neutralised him.

i write a bit about it in i love you, wade wilson - my beloved fic about deadpool's early days.

#sci speaks #sci talks comics

[blues824]

Upper moons and Muzan x Plutia/Iris Heart! Reader. She is a CPU (Here's a link to know: Link )

Maybe Muzan and the Upper moons freaking out of her as Iris Heart.

I did not include Hantengu and Gyokko. Female Reader.

Muzan Kibutsuji

He most definitely did not appreciate your tendency to slack off and skip training or meetings or anything like that. The only reason why he can’t really punish you is because you have enough power in just your voodoo doll to throw him into the next room.

As for Iris Heart, there was one time where you both were on a date in a nearby city and a demon slayer had seen Muzan. You dealt with the slayer very quickly in your goddess form, and said nothing more about it besides the fact that those pesky little killers enjoy killing as much as you do.

This definitely threw him in for a loop because he never knew about your goddess form. Is it possible that you could grant him the power to conquer sunlight? He would be furious if you could, considering you both had been courting for a while now.

Douma

This man would definitely run off with you whenever you didn’t feel like doing work. He even accompanied you and ran away from his cult just so he could dote upon the one who actually made him feel true emotions. You were his beloved gift, so of course he would take the time to cherish you.

The first time he saw Iris Heart was when one of Douma’s worshippers walked in on you two cuddling with each other. Out of surprise, you transitioned and killed the poor human. The demon that was just lying beside you let out a few giggles at how violent you were.

He did not know that his beloved Y/N was a goddess! A true goddess, at that. He was worshiped as a child of the gods, but not as a real god. Since the two of you were together, it solidified his followers’ belief in him and his powers.

Akaza

He doesn’t agree with your tendency to just run off and skip out on your tasks, but he can’t exactly stop you because of your voodoo doll. It was powerful, and could kill even the strongest of demons. However, he would totally hoist you over his shoulder and carry you back.

Once, as you both were taking a small stroll through the forest, a demon slayer had sprung out to attack. You smiled as you transitioned into Iris Heart. You cooed at how cute you thought it was that the slayer believed he had the power to defeat you. You then proceeded to kick the poor slayer in the stomach and send him flying.

Oh, this man knew he was in love. You were strong, you were beautiful, you were his. Honestly, as long as you stay with him for eternity, he doesn’t even need to conquer the sun. He has all he needs as long as you’re by his side.

Daki

I feel like she’s the kind who at first didn’t like slacking off for the sake of looking good for Muzan, but as she got closer with you she found herself going along with you whenever you skipped out. You both sat in the fields and played with each other’s hair. She got to ask about your voodoo doll as well.

There was one time where a demon slayer tried to attack her at the brothel, but you quickly turned into Iris Heart and stopped the slayer. Daki felt like the damsel in distress from the stories she heard, and was half-tempted to jump into your arms so you both could ride (walk?) off into the sunset.

You were her knight in shining armor, both literally and figuratively. Since you were a goddess, you could go out whenever you wanted. You can’t exactly grant the power to allow them to walk in the sun, but you could do tasks for them when they couldn’t.

Gyutaro

Depending on the day, it’s a 50/50 chance that he would either go with you and ditch the Castle or drag you back. You don’t get work done either way, though. He usually wants you in his arms because he can be a bit possessive and jealous.

The first time he got to see Iris Heart was when Muzan was being particularly harsh. He even  made a threat towards your lover, so you turned into your goddess form and questioned the audacity that the demon lord had to do such a thing. Gyutaro was most definitely surprised at how quickly your attitude changed.

You got along quite well with his younger sister, and you treated her like your own. He loved seeing the two of you hang out, but the two siblings would often get into arguments about who got to have you for the next few minutes.

#demon slayer #demon slayer x reader #kny #kny x reader #kimetsu no yaiba #kimetsu no yaiba x reader #muzan #muzan kibutsuji x reader #muzan kibutsuji #muzan x reader #douma #douma x reader #doma x reader #doma #akaza x reader #akaza #daki x reader #daki #gyutaro x reader #gyutaro

[our-nonbinary-experience]

I'm transmasc, transandrogynous, nonbinary, and about 5 months on T. I experienced pretty bad voice dysphoria pre-T, so I was feeling really happy when my voice dropped to androgynous range about a few months ago. But now it's dropped further, and it's just a little too masculine for my liking :( To make things worse, it was one of the only big changes I've had from T, and now I don't even like it that much. I don't like to compare suffering, and I don't like saying that any part of the trans community "has it easier" than any others. But dear god, I wish my transition goals were something simple like "be as masculine/feminine as possible", and not have to seek a tricky balance of androgyny. How is it that I feel both too masculine and too feminine?!

I'm not sure if any of this is helpful to you, but there are some things you can do to help your voice!

You can stop taking T if you have the results you want, since things like voice pitch don't revert back to what it was before if you stop taking T. You can also try a lower dose, since that will make the changes slower. You can also do some voice training that people do when they want a higher voice, so you can find the exact pitch you want. I hope this helps!

#our nonbinary experience #nonbinary #enby #nb asks

[fever-project]

LU Superhero AU Rambling

It’s so hard to write my thoughts about my Superhero AU into words, so let’s skip a good chunk of the lore and talk about the Links. I’m going to be a bit incoherent because I am very tired right now.

Sky - So for starters there are Blessings and there are Powers. Powers are typically biological and Blessings are well, blessings from the gods. In Sky’s case, his Blessing was his prophetic dreams from Hylia. His Power is um, honestly somewhat body horror so I won’t describe it too much. To put it simply, he grows a bunch of wings, like a biblically accurate angel. And he has a bunch of feathers. Anyways, his Power is a secret to everyone, including Sun, mostly because he recently discovered that he had this power. Everyone else just thinks that his Blessing is actually his Power. So he doesn’t go out into the fray often, but he is good friends with all of the Heroes and Knights. He also goes go-karting with Wild.

Wild - Okay, it’s crazy time now. So Wild used to be a Hero in training and Flora’s personal Knight, but then the Calamity struck(which was much shorter compared to canon because modern AU) and he lost his memories while the other Champions lost their lives. As well as a bunch of other people like Wild’s entire family but let’s not worry about that. He got trapped in a multiple month coma while Flora held the Calamity in place. Then Wild woke up and helped end the Calamity. He didn’t wield the Master Sword for long(he physically couldn’t after he woke up, it burned him and sapped away his life force)but he did speed run fixing the Divine Beasts and gaining the Champion’s Power, since his Power is being able to use the Powers of ghost/spirits. But he kept this Power a secret mainly because he was in complete and utter denial about the ghosts of his friends following him around. He still thinks that he’s just gone crazy, because he would rather have that.

Twilight - Heheh. So, he doesn’t have a Power but does have a Blessing, which is his ability to turn into a wolf. He parades around in his wolf most of the time, the public believing that he’s just a magic wolf spirit that decided to protect humans. Time also used to do that, so everyone thinks the two wolves are related somehow. Twilight and Time are actually cousins in this AU, because they have to be related somehow. He has a heavy face of goth makeup to cover up his markings whenever he wants to go out. But he generally just stays in wolf form most of the time, his Hylian form having the wolf pelt covering his face-with the Hawkeye mask on underneath it-so that when he is forced to transition into a Hylian, no one would know who he was. He also doesn’t talk too much while disguised, only talking to Wild and Red.

Time - He’s a Hero, but not for the reasons you think. He doesn’t use his Power, or even most of his masks, he’s just a great fighter and can be very intimidating. He wears the Mask of Truth almost all the time while on duty, with some people thinking that it allows him to read the minds of his opponents. It doesn’t do that, but it does helps him talk to Twi while he’s in wolf form. When not on duty, he’s on the farm, with his lovey wife Malon and occasionally blessed with the appearance of Twi in his full face of goth makeup. Time knows that the wolf is Twi but doesn’t tell him, it’s a lot funnier this way.

Wars - So there was this time war that no one remembers except for him, Lana, Commander(aka Artemis but I don’t like calling her that sry), and General Impa. So most know of Wars as an exceptionally excellent Knight turned Hero, who is currently training a younger Hero, Wind. Wars’ Power is the ability to use and identify different magical attributes, like Light, Dark, Fire, Water, and Lightning. Also because of the time war, everything kinda got messed up. Basically, it’s the cause of this AU every existing. Wars is very aware of this. He feels very responsible for this, because the whole thing started because Cia is a horrible person and wanted to be with him.

Wind - His Hero name is Wind Waker. Need I say more. He has wind powers. I honestly can’t think of much for him rn, I’m so sorry.

Four - He still hides the fact that he can split into four, but now he is split into four all the time while on duty. Legend is the only one who is aware of this, mainly because he had used the 4Sword before. Four’s Power is being able to turn into a Minish. Also Red is besties with Wolf Twi, they care so much about each other it’s so cute and I wish I could share all my thoughts about it. But alas, I am not going to, because I am far too tired.

Legend - The most famous Hero, unfortunately. He has no Powers of his own, but he does have a fuck ton of magical items and is very skilled with them. Before the story starts he had just came back from Hytopia, being a Triforce Ranger and having the time of his life. But now he has the Power to move his soul between the Doppels, and potentially…other vessels. He’s not going to tell anybody about this, of course not. Currently is training Hyrule, because he feels like Hyrule is connected to him, somehow.

Hyrule - He has a lot of Powers, he is the magic man. He’s a Hero in training even though he already saved two Zeldas, but that’s partially because his area of Hyrule he was from was far away from the area of Hyrule the story’s set. They don’t know much about him and his Zeldas. 

Also this is all subject to change and may not be indicative of my actual thoughts and plans for this AU since I am not great at explaining things, especially right now.

#linked universe #linked universe au #lu sky #lu wild #lu twilight #lu time #lu warriors #lu wind #lu four #lu legend #lu hyrule #super hero au #god this kept getting more and more incoherent as I wrote on. literally have to stop myself because no one would understand what I’m saying #I barely understand what I was saying ngl #I’ll uh revisit this one day #I got a lot to say about four twi and wild specially #fever rambles

[bropunzeling]

During the intermission interview aired during yesterday’s PWHL Toronto/Montreal game, Coyne Schofield and Spooner flat out said they hadnt realized how much their lives and training schedule would have to adjust for baby naps and breastfeeding, and now I’m imagining rat baby shaking up both parents’ training schedules, and how that would feed into how-can-I-mom-a-girl issues vs the immediate adoration from girl-dad Matthew.

oh gosh that sounds like a SUPER interesting interview!!! and also ohhhh my gosh yeah. yeah, like

i haven't been pregnant/a new parent but ive been around plenty of pregnant people/new parents and my god it seems exhausting. the sleep and lack thereof! the feedings! the way your whole life gets reconfigured around the whims of this tiny person who does not care about your needs! i can only imagine its even harder for people living such regimented lives as athletes because like, you have your body's schedule, but BABY'S schedule comes first. i think no matter how much you think you're ready you aren't, really, especially for first kids.

so in terms of the girl!leon of it all i think it would be a really tough transition! regardless of how wanted the baby is (very much so), even if the actual like, labor and such goes smoothly, OOF. just a real shock of cold water. and i think it would be a bit exacerbated by the fact that like, matthew would go back to playing pretty much right away (which i always feel is a bit messed up? but so it goes) and back to a somewhat normal routine, whereas leon would just be at home! with this baby! i mean i think parents/family would come stay with them, they'd have access to really good childcare, etc, but even with all of that what a tough transition. i think she'd find it super hard even despite the rewarding parts, especially because SO much of her life and self-identity is wrapped up in the athlete aspect and once again, how does she balance hockey and being able to want/have other personal things. a Theme for her.

and god the "how can i mom a girl" thing... obvi none of this is fleshed out fully bc im not writing it rn (gimme a business year and not wedding planning and shoving the current wip out the door), but i think that would absolutely be something she didn't realize she was freaking out about until something forced her to realize it. like, what if their daughter wants to be a different kind of kid than leon was? what if she does want to follow in leon's footsteps? does leon even want her to do that?? leon had so many tough moments getting to where she is, and she wants to keep her baby from being hurt in the same ways, and she has so much worry about screwing something up. she and matthew could have such a good sleep-deprived, highly emotional conversation where they talking about how you just gotta do it scared.

but yes matthew is just being such a girl dad. enamored from moment one. his girls are perfect and can do no wrong 😌 even when they are spitting up all over him (baby) / picking a fight with half the leafs (wife)

#ask #girl!leon wip :) #pregnancy cw #kidfic cw #think i got all the stuff to tag! #but omg thanks anon god i love thinking and chewing on stuff like this #so enriching!!!!