#i also realized i was gay at his age lol

[dominicsorel]

Think, Sora. Think of the person who's most special to you. See that faint glimmer way in the back of your heart? That's a piece of your memory, Sora. Call out to it! No matter how far away the light gets, your heart's voice will always reach it.

#gamingedit #khgraphics #kingdom hearts #soriku #kh sora #sora #passed pawn duo #*mine #i also realized i was gay at his age lol #i can't rlly control what people tag this as but i read him as gay #so it's whatever i just want some of you to know my intention #also for the kh1 memory... #sora is bbs kairi theory #motion sickness cw -

[anniebass]

baby don't be mad

1.3k word actverse ficlet under the jump rating: M tags: dialogue-heavy, beginning of the relationship, the boys are arguinggg, old man eddie's being a clueless slut, and also a dweeb, and steve's being... a person that rly needs therapy lol

Rapid catchups, they name it, though it doesn’t really need a name, it’s basically just talking. Early on Eddie realizes he doesn’t know all that much about his sexy old-but-new long distance serious boyfriend, that he possesses a fuckton of outdated information, that, duh, people change, especially in the long-ass time they spent apart. That the habits and opinions of a twenty-year-old shithead don’t necessarily last until someone’s forties.

That evening, they do the rapid catchups, starting off easy, prompted by the takeout dinner they have at Steve’s: best Asian food, go, at which without a second thought Steve says Chinese, while Eddie goes with Japanese, love me some sushi, yum. Later, when they’re full of kung pao and mapo tofu, lazily digesting on the couch, half-watching an old movie where Sharon Stone saunters across the screen and smolders at bad men, Steve says: you have to sleep with a woman, any woman in the world, dead or alive, go.

Eddie groans and slides down the couch, throws his hands up: dude, I don’t know! Uh, like maybe— Cleopatra? Or maybe one of those amazonian greek warriors with one boobie?

So, no one you actually know the face of? he says, with a little smirk.

Man, I don’t— I mean, there are some beautiful women walking this earth, like stunning stunning women I can’t get enough of, but that don’t mean I want to fuck them! My willy shrinks at the thought, he explains meekly, and shrugs, clicking his tongue: I dunno, maybe Eartha Kitt? She seems very fun.

Good choice, mutters Steve, and to Eddie’s your turn he tilts his head, scratches his nose: I don’t know if that question really applies to me. But if I had to have a sex list, it would be… Linda Evangelista? Or Sharon, she’s hot. Or— yeah, Monica Belucci, Jesus. Her, definitely. If not her then Cleopatra, that’s actually a great answer, she must have been good for all that shit to go down around her, he says with a smile, and Eddie sighs dreamily, oh, I’d love to watch. From the closet, imagine myself in her place. In a little egyptian wig, he adds, to which Steve snorts, rolling his eyes.

Alright, my turn. Best casual sex you’ve ever had, go, says Eddie, and Steve hums at that, leans back on the couch, rubbing his chin, mumbling under his breath, until he sighs and says: I actually didn’t have that much of it beyond my teens, and what I had back then was very… teenaged, y’know. And in that short gap between my first and second wife I slept with just three people, two dudes and one woman, and neither of those was mind-blowing. The guys were kinda disappointing, I thought after so many years of straight sex I’d be blown away, but it was just… okay. Actually—, he adds, shaking his head: it sucked. I was drunk, they were drunk, I don’t remember much of it. Or don’t want to. I remember stinky balls. So, I dunno—, he says, and sighs, and glances at him: am I a big loser if I say the best one was when we reconnected? Could say it was still casual back then, right? When we fucked in the church, or by the pool, or—, yeah, there was a lot of it, on that trip.

It really was magical, agrees Eddie, smiling at him.

So, uh, your turn, says Steve. Best you've ever had, go.

Oh, man, mutters Eddie. I know my answer to that. Japan, in the mid-nineties. We were on tour and stayed for a few nights in Tokyo, and I got to explore the city, research shit with the help of a very discreet translator, and finally, on our last night there, I ended up in a gay bar. Very hush-hush, a basement place hidden away in some grimy back alley, he says, lowering his voice into sultry tones of gossip. Met a guy there, this… slightly chubby middle-aged businessman type, suit and tie and briefcase, wedding ring on his finger, very regular looking guy, and we drank sake through the night, sang some karaoke, and ended up in some seedy by-the-hour love hotel. He didn’t know who I was, didn’t speak a lick of English, I was obviously drunk, but I still remember that night like it was yesterday. God, just— the way that guy fucked me, the way he seemed to know every inch of my body without having seen it before, the way he just knew what I wanted without any language, it was insane. We did it a few times that one night, practically without stopping, and never saw each other again. I actually jerk off to that memory to this day.

To this, Steve lets out a small hm, purses his lips and leans back, crossing his arms, and Eddie clicks his tongue, leaning closer, touching his shoulder: aw, don’t be jealous. That was casual, but out of all people, of course you are my number one, no contest. I just— remember that one time in Japan, because it worked so well without language, and that’s always kinda hot. Language of love, all that cheesy stuff. Up to that point and following it, it'd mostly happen with some hot Brazilians.

Okay, he says.

Eddie sighs, watching his face: Steve, you know that’s what my life was like back then, this neverending barrage of hookups. And most of those weren’t even that good, like, you talk of stinky balls? I met dozens, slobbered over them anyway like they were fucking Ferrero Rocher!, he says to a small groan in return, then sighs, speaks softer: being with you is a completely different quality from that, even from my previous relationships. It’s way different. With Marcell, we both slept around, there wasn’t much that we had in common beyond, like, incredible attraction at the beginning, and the fact that we work in the same industry, could endlessly talk about that. And with Zu, we— we really loved each other, but we weren’t a good fit. It was this weird thing where she needed someone more masc, but also I needed someone more masc, he says with an amused scoff. We were two bottoms in love, and it’s hard to make it work in the long term, without fucking other people. We’re way better off as friends. And the other dudes I dated, it was just— me being a drunken asshole, most of the time. I was a very shitty boyfriend for a looong-ass time.

There’s a stretch of silence, and Steve slides down the couch, still frowning: man… I just wonder why you asked that question in the first place. Because it seems to me like you wanted to brag a little about this incredible hookup you had in fucking… Japan. Do you miss fucking other people, Eddie?

He sighs, rakes a hand through his hair: Steve, I literally just told you I don’t. I might romanticize it, the— the way I might romanticize being on drugs, but I don’t want to go back to that. I asked because I want to know everything about you! I dunno, I— I guess I like Japan. It’s such a weird place, I really want to go back there, he says and inches closer, placing a calm hand on his thigh: come with me. Like, for two weeks or something. We’d take the girls with us, go in the summer or for the spring break. Would be cool to just wander around, shop, sing karaoke, eat tons of good food. Go to Kyoto, see the geishas, tea ceremony. Go to hot springs. Japan’s truly like no place you’ve ever been to.

I didn't know you liked it that much. A trip does sound nice, says Steve, with a small smile. Emily would go crazy, she loves those cartoons. Chels would like it too, I think.

Eddie smiles and squeezes his leg: sounds like a plan. Also, just to— get it out of the way: from the moment you first kissed me, I stopped thinking of us as casual. I was, like, fully fully back in love with you in point two seconds. Even before that, to be honest. If I ever for a single moment considered that a hookup, it’d totally blow that businessman out of the water. If you want, I could show you, uh, how I blew him out of the— fucking—, he falters, then snorts: sorry, failed metaphor. But you catch my drift.

Yes, please, says Steve.

#posting the roughs here bc I don't care enough to put it up on ao3 #if you've never read anything of mine don't start here bestie #I'm dead serious #eddie munson #steve harrington #steddie #act verse #steddie fic #old steddies #ficlets

[olderthannetfic]

You recently mentioned that you've been out since your teens. As a person who managed to overlook a shitton of signs and only realized she was bi in her early 20s, I am wondering how you realized you were bi and also how you found out bisexuality exists?

Sorry if the phrasing sounds weird, I only noticed I was bi because I stumbled over the term on tumblr in 2016 and was like "oh, that's possible??" and then my earlier identity crises during my teens due to feeling attracted to multiple genders and being like "I'm crushing on [female person]. Am I lesbian? Nah, I've also felt attracted to [male person]. But I can't be straight either because this attraction feels the exact same. Am I broken?" were suddenly resolved with the realization that bi is also an option and that I'm not broken due to zigzagging between heterosexuality and homosexuality, but rather just bisexual. In retrospect, it's absolutely ridiculous that it took me so long, considering that as a kid I had crushes on Anna and Carter and Doctor from Harvest Moon: Friends of Mineral Town, and Vitani from Lion King 2, and back in primary school, I used to go to the kids' section in the library and look at the first pages of a sci-fi comic which had one or two women get out of a lab or space station thingy and go bathe in the nude in the first few pages. I don't remember what it was called or what it was about, but tbh I'd love to find it and actually read it properly this time lol.

--

Horniness. The hornier you are, the easier it is to notice.

But also... well...

The 80s were all about combating the AIDS crisis and trying to get basic recognition of the humanity of gay people (at least in the US circles I was familiar with). The 90s saw the rise of a much more organized bi rights movement.

And then we backslid.

In the 2000s and 2010s, interest in bisexuality as a distinct thing fell off a cliff as far as I can tell. The "hey, it's not just cis gays and lesbians" energy moved first to trans topics and then to asexuality but without bisexuality joining the stodgy old guard.

The 90s were different. I was hitting my teens just as Anything That Moves hit its stride. I bought that shit at the bookstore. Yeah, this was the Bay Area, but they carried it at all the regular bookstores, not just the gay ones.

On Usenet where I spent a lot of my tween years, one of the big groups was soc.bi. I even spotted them having an in-person meetup in a restaurant in Berkeley where I happened to be having dinner with my parents. I didn't go say hi because I was like 14.

My big eureka moment, though, was on alt.tv.x-files when two groups were having a satirical argument about who enjoyed The X-Files more: people who got to lust over David Duchovny or people who got to lust over Gillian Anderson. Someone showed up and was like "Hah! I get to enjoy it twice as much as all of you! I'm bi!"

I was like "That's a thing????" I'd grown up with very liberal parents and lesbian neighbors, but like a lot of boomers, my mom was pro-gay and deeply clueless about all other queerness.

--

So the answer is unsupervised internet access in an age with no algorithms plus things like bisexual magazines actually existing.

RIP Anything That Moves.

[punkshort]

Chapter warnings: language, alcohol use, sexual tension, tiny bit of smut, angst, pretty long chapter lol

Chapter Five

Pairing: Joel x F!Reader, pre-outbreak and post outbreak

AU (the only thing I kept was the outbreak, Joel, and Tommy's characters. Joel's backstory is different, and the way he finds Jackson is different. I may include Ellie one day, I just haven't planned that far)

Fic Summary: You worked for Joel and Tommy a few months before the outbreak. The outbreak happens, and you and Joel get stuck traveling the country and keeping each other safe. Neither of you spoke about the feelings you had for one another pre-outbreak, and in a post-apocalyptic world, it seems like survival should be your only focus. But feelings can't be ignored forever.

Fic tags: Explicit Smut (18+ MDNI), Smut, Language, Canon-Typical Violence, Alcohol Use, Age Difference (Reader is 10 years younger than Joel), slow burn, mutual pining, angst, trauma, SA referencing later but I will put a big warning on those chapters

September 2003

Work had been so busy you barely realized the summer was coming to an end. You haven’t seen a whole lot of Joel lately, save for your monthly accounting meetings with him. He would still cast glances in your direction, with a discreet smile if you caught his eye, but your one-on-one interactions have been minimal. It didn’t bother you. Actually, you were relieved because Colleen had stopped bringing up her suspicions about your relationship with him.

On this particular day, Colleen was more fixated on the other Miller brother. She was posted up in your cubical, quietly recounting for you her latest interactions with Tommy. She was frustrated because he seemed to be giving her the cold shoulder. When she caught him in the breakroom early one morning alone, she confronted him about it, and he explained that he needed to stop socializing with the women in the office.

“I knew what I was getting into when we started hooking up, but it still took me by surprise, you know?” Colleen whispered, looking distraught. She sighed, shaking her head. “I don’t know, maybe I was starting to get feelings for him, and I thought he might be, too. I'm such an idiot."

“Is there anything I can do to help?” you asked. You felt bad for your friend.

Her gaze shot up to meet yours, suddenly excited. She clasped her hands together with a huge grin.

"Yes! Let’s go out to a bar tonight! Pretty please! You never go with us, and I swear it would make me feel so much better.” Colleen had you right where she wanted you, and you fell for it. You rolled your eyes.

"Okay," you agreed.

“Yay! Thank you, thank you, thank you! I’ll see if Debbie and Kyle can come, too! We can make it a fun night out.” Kyle was the newest hire in your department, who also happened to be gay. You had grown to really like him the past several weeks. He clicked with the three of you instantly. Maybe it wouldn't be such a bad idea.

You let yourself get a little excited at the prospect of a night out. It was a Thursday, so you told yourself as you headed to the bar to meet your friends that you had to limit yourself to two drinks. The department had a meeting with Joel the next morning and you knew it would be obvious if you were all hungover.

You walked up to the front of the bar, waving to your friends huddled in a circle waiting for you. The days were still warm, but the nights were beginning to get cooler. You wished you had thought to grab a jacket to throw over your dress for the journey home, but the alcohol would have to warm you up instead. You were relieved to find that you dressed appropriately for the night out: you had on a sleeveless black dress that hugged your hips and showed just the right amount of cleavage. You paired it with a pair of red pumps you hardly wore that gave you just a few extra inches of height. Colleen wore a similarly flirty bright pink dress with matching heels. Even Debbie, who typically wore dress pants to the office, was dressed up in a modest skirt. Kyle clued in on you first, giving you a low wolf whistle when he saw your outfit. Men had it so much easier: he simply wore a white button-down shirt with the first two buttons opened, revealing a smooth chest underneath, and a pair of black jeans.

“You look amazing, girl!” Kyle pulled you into a hug and wrapped his arm around your shoulders. The four of you headed towards the bouncer leaning up against the door.

Colleen hurried over to him and planted a kiss on his cheek, which he returned. She spoke to him for a few seconds while glancing back at the three of you, just out of earshot. Then he beckoned you all over and moved out of the way so you could squeeze inside. Colleen stood on her tiptoes to give him another kiss on the cheek, and followed you in, much to the annoyance of the people patiently waiting in line.

“Is this an exclusive spot or something?” you asked Kyle, who had removed his arm from your shoulders to grab the wallet from his back pocket.

“Kind of!” he shouted over the music. “It’s not super exclusive, but it's a little swanky.” He approached the bar to get the bartender’s attention, and then turned back to the three of you, asking what you wanted to drink.

Once you had drinks in hand, the group of you weaved around the clusters of people drinking and chatting until you found a small table to sit down.

The group of you talked loudly over the music, mostly about work, and the crowdedness of the bar. You casually glanced around, sipping on your glass of wine and taking in the beautiful chandeliers above you. The bar itself was long and made from a very dark wood, with leather covered stools pushed up against it, all of them filled with people. There was a big screen tv behind the bartenders that currently was playing some sultry music video you didn't recognize.

You noticed there were staircases on either side of the room that led to another floor, which appeared to be divided up into smaller, partially enclosed rooms. You assumed people much richer than you occupied those rooms with their friends, relying on bottle service rather than waiting at the bar for drinks.

The laughter coming from your friends drew your attention back, your vision getting a little unsteady from the wine. Your cheeks were starting to feel warm as you laughed along with them, watching as Kyle and Colleen stand up to dance to a song that just started.

You were happy Colleen seemed to be in a good mood tonight, watching as Kyle swung her around on the dance floor. Debbie stood up to get herself another drink, but you put your hand out to stop her.

"It's my turn to buy, I'll get it!" You yelled to her. She smiled and relented, reminding you of her drink order as you got up to head to the bar.

You pushed your way through the throngs of people, the place looking even more packed than before. Your head was swimming just slightly, a nice buzz settling in from the two glasses of wine you had. You reminded yourself you should probably stop drinking; it was almost midnight and you had promised yourself your max was two drinks.

You leaned against the bar, waiting to get the attention of one of the bartenders. You found it to be difficult, occasionally reaching a hand out but failing to catch their eye.

Finally, the bartender turned and looked right at you, or you thought he was looking at you, but he was actually looking right over your shoulder. You twisted around and found Joel standing directly behind you, his eyes still on the bartender, and was pointing down, flagging him down for you.

You gazed up at him, admiring up close his strong jaw and his deep brown eyes. Suddenly, you realized you really missed seeing him outside of those meetings. You missed his familiar scent of leather and citrus invading your senses, the electricity you felt when you sat across from him in his office, and... oh shit, you were too tipsy to interact with him right now.

He looked back down at you and smiled, then his gaze dipped down to take in the dress you were wearing, and his smile faltered a bit. He cleared his throat and pointed towards the bartender, who was waiting for your order. You leaned forward on the bar again and yelled your drink order to him, deciding against your better judgement to get another glass of wine.

The bartender disappeared to get your drinks, and you turned your attention back to Joel. He was wearing a dark pair of jeans with a black button-down, which was opened, revealing a plain white t-shirt underneath and clutching a leather jacket in his hand. He looked really good.

"Thank you," you said, trying to collect yourself.

Joel frowned and cupped his hand behind his ear. You stretched on your tiptoes and leaned up towards his him. You left one of your hands on the bar, and the other gently rested on his shoulder so you wouldn't fall.

"Thank you," you repeated so he could hear.

You had never been this close to him before. You absorbed the residual smell of shampoo from his hair, and the whiskey on his breath. You felt him exhale gently on the side of your neck, giving you goosebumps, and you had to bite down on your lip to keep yourself from saying something stupid.

You lowered yourself back down, forgetting you were wearing heels taller than you were used to. You stumbled a bit, but regained your balance quickly since your hand was still planted on the bar. Nonetheless, Joel shot his arm out around your waist and pulled you close, in an effort to keep you from falling, which he realized too late was unnecessary.

Your eyes trailed up his chest to meet his gaze, your lips parting slightly. Joel tensed at the feeling of your body pressed against his. You looked so fucking beautiful in that dress, it was driving him crazy. He had noticed you from his private table on the upper floor. He tried to focus on the people he was with, but he couldn't get his mind off you. When he saw you walking to the bar alone, he found an excuse to leave the table and follow you.

Joel's gaze kept flicking back and forth between your lips and your eyes. You were frozen to the ground, neither of you wanting the embrace to end. An "excuse me!" over the music dragged your attention away from Joel to the other side of the bar. The bartender told you the total as he pushed the two drinks towards you.

Begrudgingly, you untangled yourself from Joel's hold to grab your purse. Joel put his hand over yours to stop you from opening your wallet.

"Put it on my tab!" He shouted at the bartender, who nodded and gave a thumbs up. You looked back up at him with a smile.

"You didn't have to do that!"

He shrugged it off and looked down at what you had ordered. Your wine and Debbie's mixed drink. He cocked his eyebrow at you.

"Two?" he teasingly asked.

You giggled, the alcohol was going straight to your head. You jerked your head back towards your table and explained "Debbie!"

Joel looked in the direction of your table and saw Colleen, a man he barely recognized, and he now remembered Debbie from that night in the conference room.

You scooped up the two drinks from the bar and turned to thank him again, but he stopped you.

"Why don't you give Debbie her drink and we can go someplace quieter?" he said in your ear, making your breath catch in your throat.

If you had been more sober, you would have made an excuse about needing to stay with your friends. You took a sip from your glass, examining Joel's face. You wondered if he had too much to drink. Worried if he had, he would regret spending time alone with you in this type of setting. But he didn't look like he was that drunk, so you gave him a sharp nod and quickly made your way back to your friends.

You handed Debbie her drink and shouted, "I'll be right back, I'm going to get some fresh air!"

"Hold on, I'll come with you, I just have to pee!" Debbie yelled, but you shook your head. "It's alright! You stay here, I won't be long!"

"Are you sure?!"

You nodded firmly and gave a thumbs up, turning around before she could change her mind.

"Be safe!" she shouted as you disappeared into the crowd.

Joel watched you talking to your friends, hidden from them in the thicket of bodies. He wasn't sure what his plan was, he just couldn't let you go yet. He had been waiting for the right time to be honest with you. Maybe tonight, with some liquid courage, was that time.

He eyed your approaching form up and down appreciatively, his gaze lingering on your red heels. He imagined those heels on his shoulders as he thrusted into you, spread out on his bed and moaning his name. He tried to blink the fantasy away as you stopped before him, looking up at him expectantly. One step at a time.

He placed his arm around your shoulders and turned you towards the door. The air was much brisker than when you had arrived a couple hours ago, but you didn't mind. The mixture of alcohol and Joel's body heat was enough.

The two of you walked away from the line of people still waiting to get in. You slowed your pace and leaned back against the bar's cool brick wall, looking up at Joel hazily.

He took a deep breath and rested his arm on the wall above your head, giving you your space but remaining close.

You took another sip from your glass before asking "What're you doing here?"

Realizing it didn't come out how you intended, you added "this bar, I mean. D'you come here a lot?" Your words were beginning to slur.

He shifted his weight and fixed his gaze on something down the street. "It's my birthday tomorrow."

Your jaw dropped and you playfully shoved his shoulder. "I didn't know that! Happy Birthday! I should've been the one to buy you a drink!"

He smirked and brought his gaze down towards you once again.

"Nah, no need, sweetheart. It's not a big deal. Some of the guys at work insisted on bringin' me out tonight. Couldn't do it tomorrow, got plans with Tommy." You gasped at Tommy's name.

"Oh, no, is Tommy here? 'Cause Colleen was really upset earlier-" but Joel cut you off.

"No, he's on a business trip out west. We are lookin' to acquire a company out there, expand our footprint. He's comin' back tomorrow," he assured you.

"Oh, good." You relaxed, still gazing up at Joel. Your eyes trailed along his broad shoulders and chest, which were still partially caging you in. You thought about how it might feel to have his arms wrapped around you, what it would feel like to have his weight pressing against your body. A shiver went down your spine.

Joel noticed. He gently took the glass from your hand and placed it on a ledge nearby. He opened up the leather jacket he had in his other hand, motioning for you to turn around so he could put it on your shoulders. You pushed off against the wall and slowly turned, making sure you didn't stumble. He placed the cool, smooth leather carefully over your bare arms.

"Thank you," you whispered as you turned back to face him. He was looking down at you, desperately searching your eyes for something.

Feeling emboldened by the alcohol, you ran your hand up his stomach and grabbed his collar, pulling him toward you and pressing your mouth firmly on his.

He was stunned for a moment, but responded quickly. The hand that once held his jacket now cupped the side of your face, while his other arm returned to the wall above your head. You had lightly fallen back against the brick and brought both your hands to gently rest on his strong chest.

Strangely, the first thought in your head was of Justin. You were right for breaking up with him. You didn't feel a spark, but with Joel, your whole body felt on fire.

You moaned quietly, and he took that opportunity to deepen your kiss, his tongue slipping past your lips and massaging your own. You could taste a heady combination of whiskey and a hint of spearmint. It was heavenly. He pushed his mouth onto yours with more pressure, as his tongue hungrily increased its pace. You felt dizzy. So many months of buildup finally erupted in this moment. Your hands inched up to grasp his strong shoulders as he lowered himself down a fraction and pushed his upper body against yours. He moaned against your mouth and tightened his hold on your jaw. You felt your lower abdomen flutter and your panties soak with arousal.

A group of girls walked by the pair of you, giggling loudly, bringing you both back to reality. You pulled away gently, keeping your forehead pressed against his as you fought to catch your breath.

You both kept your eyes closed, panting and savoring the moment. Joel was the first to pull away. He looked down at you with heavy-lidded eyes.

"Come home with me," he whispered huskily.

You felt yourself clench at his words, so desperate to say yes. But you didn't want to be drunk your first time with him. You closed your eyes again and tipped your head back against the brick wall.

"I don't think it's a good idea," you whispered back. "I've had too much to drink, and I want to remember."

His breath hitched and his eyes squeezed shut. Fuck, he wanted you so badly. But he knew you were right. He reopened his eyes and looked back down at you, your head resting against the wall, eyelids still shut. He leaned forward, eager to kiss you again, but stopped himself: he knew if he did, he would never stop. So instead, he pushed off the wall and took your hand.

"Lemme get you back to your friends, they gotta be worried 'bout you by now."

You chewed your bottom lip as you reentered the bar, slipping his jacket off and handing it back before your friends could see. Behind you, he whispered in your ear, "You better get home, you got a big meeting with your boss tomorrow."

You turned to react, but he was already rushing back up the stairs towards his private room.

You woke up at 6am to your alarm clock blaring the voices of the local morning radio show. Your head pounded and your mouth was dry. You groaned as you rolled out of bed, quickly sitting back down when you got the spins. You chided yourself for not eating more before going out last night.

You headed to your bathroom, partially listening to the radio show as you peed. You had started to hear something about some infection overrunning hospitals in the area, but you had to turn the noise off before your head exploded.

Thankfully, a shower made you feel so much better. You only had the pounding headache to contend with now. As you applied your makeup, you took note of your swollen lips. Then the night before came rushing back to you. It hadn't been a dream, you really kissed Joel. And he invited you back to his place. Shit.

The hand holding your lipstick hovered above your mouth as you replayed the scene against the brick wall: his hand on your jaw, his tongue in your mouth, the way he tasted, the way he smelled...

You looked at the time. You couldn't dwell on it right now or you were going to miss your train. You snatched your purse from the table by the door, tripping over the hiking backpack you had forgotten to give back to Justin, and you locked your apartment door behind you.

When you walked into the accounting department, you saw Colleen slouched over her desk. She was wearing black pants with a sleeveless white blouse, a noticeable change from her usual pink dresses and skirts. You greeted her and she turned around to give you a weak smile.

"You're super hungover, too, huh?" you joked, setting your things down.

"Ugh, yes. I've never felt this shitty in my life, and I don't think I even had much to drink!"

You examined her face; she looked a lot worse than you felt. Her eyes were bloodshot, and she looked a little sweaty.

"Where did you run off to? When I got back inside, you had already left," you asked.

She perked up a little bit and said, "Oh, I went home with a really cute guy! He was super nice, but something kind of weird happened..."

You gave Colleen your full attention now, concerned. "What was it? Are you ok?"

"Oh yeah, I'm fine. But he... bit me. On the leg," she whispered. "Kind of hard. He even drew a little blood."

Your eyebrows shot up in surprise. "Are you sure you're ok? That sounds strange."

Colleen brushed you off and assured you she was fine, she said she just wasn't expecting it. You shrugged and turned back to your desk. You had more important matters to attend to anyway.

You rummaged around in the supply closet to find a loose piece of blue tissue paper. On your way into work you passed by a newspaper stand. You hardly ever stopped there before, but today you did, remembering it was Joel’s birthday. You looked around on the shelves that were next to the postcards, and you found a little something for him. You quickly wrapped it up in the used tissue paper and set it aside for later. The meeting was at 10am, you had two hours to get your game face on and shake the rest of your hangover.

Your team was already seated in the conference room for at least ten minutes before Joel stormed into the room, a stack of papers in one hand and his cell phone in the other. He didn't look like he was hungover, unlike Colleen who was getting worse by the minute. She was trying to nonchalantly hold her head up with her fist tucked under her chin, staring down at the table.

You chanced a look in Joel's direction once the meeting was underway, but he wouldn't look at you. In fact, he didn't look your way once the entire time. You were beginning to wonder if you had dreamed up what happened last night. Then the paranoia began to set in: what if he was mad at you because you refused to go home with him? He didn't seem that upset when you turned him down, but maybe you didn't notice in your drunken stupor.

The meeting was wrapping up, and he still didn’t cast one glance in your direction. Before he dismissed everyone, he asked Heather if you could bring the quarterly reports up to his office later. He still wouldn’t look at you, just directly at Heather, even when openly talking about you. You furrowed your brow, confused. Heather seemed a bit confused as well, but she assured him you would, looking over at you and nodding.

You got back to your desk, still perplexed about the cold shoulder from Joel. You sifted through the mail that was left for you while everyone was upstairs, and about 20 minutes later, Heather came into the room to give you the reports Joel requested. She reminded you to make copies and bring the originals back to her.

You stood up, shoving the small gift you got for Joel in your pants pocket, when your eyes fell on Colleen again, chugging water and sweating so much her hair was growing damp.

“Colleen! What is going on with you?” you exclaimed, shocked at how much she had deteriorated since that morning.

“Girl, I don’t know, but I need to go home. I think I have a fever, and” she dropped her voice lower, “that bite on my leg looks kind of nasty.”

"Oh my god," you gasped. "I heard on the radio today about some weird infection going around, you might have it! You should go to the ER!”

Colleen nodded but it looked like she was hardly listening to you.

"I just gotta go to the bathroom real quick and then I’m gonna leave. I’ll stop by Heather’s office before I go.”

“Do you need me to bring you anything? I can stop by later with some soup," you offered, but Colleen shook her head.

"I just need to sleep, but thanks," she said.

You parted ways with Colleen, only after promising to stop by this weekend to check on her, and made your way to the copy room before heading up to Joel’s office. Kyle was the only other person in the room when you got there.

“Hey!” you said, excited to see him. "Last night was so much fun!”   

Kyle laughed and agreed.

"I just wish we got to dance together!" he said. "You disappeared outside for so long!”

You giggled, pushing the thoughts of your rendezvous with Joel from your mind, and stretched your arm out to him.

“Better late than never!” you said with a giggle.

Even though there was no music, you both swung each other around the copy room, laughing while Kyle tried, badly, to sing Beyoncé.

You felt like you finally belonged somewhere. So happy you had found some friends, and maybe even something more with Joel. You were actually making it work in New York City, like you always wanted. You giggled as Kyle wrapped his arms around your waist and continued to sing off key.

Joel was heading back from Heather’s office towards the elevator after she assured him that you were already on your way up to his office with the reports he requested. He had tossed and turned all night, replaying your kiss over and over. How soft your lips felt, the taste of the pinot grigio on your tongue, the feel of your fingertips digging into his shoulders… he was glad you had the presence of mind to not come home with him. He didn’t want to rush things with you, he wanted to do things right.

It was hard, but he had to force himself not to look at you during that meeting. If he did, he couldn't be sure if he would be able to hide his feelings for you in front of the whole accounting department. It's been so long since he felt this way about somebody, it was awakening something in him he thought was long gone.

He needed to get you alone. He had decided on a plan to ask you to dinner tomorrow night, and he wasn’t going to try to fuck you on the first date, either. He didn’t know what he was thinking last night – why would he push you like that? He wanted more, and he knew that took time.

He rounded the corner when he heard your beautiful laugh reach his ears. A smile stretched across his face before he could stop it: you just had that effect on him. He peered around the corner and froze at the scene before him.

There you were, with another man, in that fucking copy room, dancing and laughing with his arms around your waist. Joel’s smile quickly faded, and he saw red. His fists clenched at his sides, his anger boiling over.

Before he did something stupid, he marched to the elevator and got into the empty car, punching the number ‘10’ repeatedly, willing the doors to close faster.

Once he was in the safety of his own office with the door shut, he paced around the room replaying the events he had just witnessed. How could he read the situation so wrong? Of course you wouldn’t be interested in him, how could he be so stupid? And in that goddamn copy room, the same place he caught Amy with the CFO of his own fucking company. He was glad he at least refrained from pummeling the guy you were dancing with, unlike that time with Amy when he had nearly put that bastard into the hospital.

He had been so wrapped up in his anger that he didn’t hear his door open and you walk in.

“Joel?” you called out to him sweetly, which just pissed him off even more. How could you jump from one guy to the next without missing a beat?

He whipped around and saw you standing there, reports in one hand and something else clenched in the other one.

He stretched out his hand aggressively, scowl etched on his face.

“Give ‘em to me," he said gruffly.

You faltered for a moment, surprised at the hostility, but stepped forward and handed him the papers, which he all but ripped from your hand. Your smile quickly faded from your lips, the uncertainty settling in.

Shit, he IS pissed you didn’t sleep with him last night.

He sat down at his desk. Without any direction, you sat down nervously in the chair across from him, waiting patiently with his gift hidden in your lap. Maybe he is one of those people who hates their birthday and that's why he was moody. You looked down at your gift and decided if you gave it to him, maybe it would lift his spirits.

You raised your head, opening your mouth about to wish him a happy birthday, but clamped it shut when he suddenly cut you off.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doin’?” he asked darkly, still not looking up from the reports.

You stiffened, not sure what he was referring to. The anger in his tone made you anxious.

"W-what do you mean?”

His eyes shot up to meet yours, icy and hardened.

"You know exactly what I mean, prancin’ around this office every day, screwin’ anything that moves,” he snarled at you. “You think you can add me to your list? Use me, for what? A raise or somethin’? What’s your angle?”

You stared at him, jaw dropped, trying to process what he just said. This can’t be happening. What was going on? Was this about Justin? That was so long ago.

“Close your mouth, sweetheart,” he spat, the term of endearment he so charmingly used to use on you, now filled with hate. "You go use it on someone else, I got no use for a whore.”

You swore in that moment, time stood still. Anything else he said after that, you didn’t hear. Your vision narrowed and your ears were ringing. A whore?

His mouth kept moving, and you kept staring, but you couldn’t hear any of it. You felt your lips and fingers go numb first. Then a buzzing invaded your head and your whole body tensed. Joel continued to growl things in your direction, but none of it got through to you. This was the man that everyone warned you about. This was who he really was. You were foolish to think something else was there. He just wanted to fuck you, just like his brother fucked half the staff, and when you refused, you saw the man for who he really was. A whore?!

“Stop.” You said calmly. Too calmly. And Joel obeyed, taken aback at your response.

“Nobody,” you said, standing up and glaring at him now, “nobody speaks to me that way. Do you understand me?” Joel just stared at you, his eyes still flashing with anger, unsure how to respond.

“I don’t know who you think you are,” you continued, pointing a finger at him, “and personally, I don’t give a shit. I will not sit here and listen to you berate me for absolutely no reason, for a job I could do anywhere else!” Your voice was rising now as you cast your arm out to gesture towards the city behind him.

Joel sat motionless in his chair, listening to your outburst. He was used to people crying, or even yelling obscenities back, but not this.

Your adrenaline was kicking in now, and you began to feel shaky and weak. You needed to leave.

Chest heaving, unblinkingly staring him right in the eye, you quietly said, “Fuck you, Joel. I quit.”

You turned on your heel and headed towards the door, your hands shaking so badly you dropped his birthday gift, but you had to keep walking. You couldn't risk letting him see you cry.

Your instinct was to wait for the elevator, but you were worried he might emerge from his office and see you, so you walked past Ruby's desk to the stairwell. She definitely had overheard some of your argument with Joel. She gawked at you as you walked by her desk briskly, but your eyes were focused straight ahead.

You pushed the door open and nearly ran down to the 6th floor, back to the sanctity of your cubical. You snatched your purse onto your shoulder and hastily grabbed a box from under your desk. Tipping it over to empty it, you threw a few personal effects into the box.

You didn't bother to say anything to Debbie or Kyle, vaguely noting Colleen was already gone, or even Heather. You figured Joel could fill her in himself. What an asshole.

This time you felt safe to wait for the elevator, tears stinging the back of your eyes. Grateful the car opened empty, you lept inside and jabbed the lobby button repeatedly.

You could taste your freedom. You saw the exit, not even registering the security guards rushing past you, weapons drawn. You were focused on leaving this place behind you and thanking the stars above you didn't fall for Joel's seductive trap. At least you still had your dignity.

It must have been lunchtime by now, the streets looked more packed than usual as you marched down the sidewalk. It wasn't until later you realized people were running and screaming. You were so wrapped up in your own drama, you didn't even notice.

That was, until you heard Joel's voice yelling your name.

You thought you hallucinated it, your foolish imagination running away with you again, but you kept hearing it, at least three times now. Your place slowed, and your focus began to come back to the world around you. Why were all these people running?

Suddenly, you felt a strong hand on your shoulder. You turned around, looking up to see Joel's softened expression, gasping from trying to catch up with you.

You frowned, blinking away the tears that threatened to spill down your cheeks. Before you could lash out at him, he spoke.

"Please, just stop and listen to me."

Before he could continue, six trucks filled with FEDRA soldiers pulled up in front of the building, capturing your attention.

They stormed the building, guns drawn, as you watched helplessly. You heard screaming, and then gunshots. You stood frozen to the ground, stunned. Another terrorist attack, your mom was right.

Joel's eyes looked panicked and confused, before he grasped you by your shoulders and forced your attention back on him. He said something to you, but you didn't hear it, still staring at him, dazed.

"Run!" He yelled, again. That time you heard him. You dropped the box in your arms as he grasped your hand in his own, dragging you both down the street, opposite the office building.

Chapter Six

#joel miller fanfiction #joel miller #joel miller smut #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller fic #joel the last of us #tlou hbo #the last of us hbo #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller x female reader #joel miller series #joel x reader #joel x reader smut #joel miller angst #joel miller fluff #the last of us fanfiction #the last of us game

[ticklishraspberries]

Ren Faire (Eddie/Steve)

Summary: Steve, Eddie, and Robin go to a Renaissance Fair and see some interesting demonstrations. (This fic is for my lovely friend @gigglyrambles!! I literally just pulled this whole plot out of my ass and wrote it in one sitting, so I really hope you like it, LOL. Also, shoutout to @wordstrings because I know she has written something similar for Our Flag Means Death, I hope you don't mind me taking inspiration!!)

Steve isn’t sure how he ended up being dragged along to a Renaissance Fair with none other than Robin and Eddie, but he found it hard to say no to either of their puppy dog eyes and incessant begging.

His outfit is simple, consisting of a white, long-sleeved shirt with laces at the neckline, tight brown pants, and brown boots. He feels only a little bit ridiculous, but after seeing what his friends are wearing, he supposes he isn’t the weirdest looking one.

Eddie is decked out in black, an intricately detailed top with ruffles and buttons. A fake sword sits in a holder on his waist. Robin has gone for a more masculine look, a cloak over her shoulders and a bow and arrow in her hand.

“Screw historical accuracy,” she’d said.

“The fact that you’re a girl isn’t the problem, it’s that you couldn’t hit a moving target with an arrow to save your life,” Eddie had teased, and Robin had elbowed him in the ribs, making Steve laugh.

Now that they’ve arrived, Steve has relaxed a bit. He used to feel out of place whenever he attended events that he wouldn’t have been caught dead at in high school. Corroded Coffin concerts, DnD campaigns, and that one time he drove Eddie and Robin to the nearest gay bar in Indiana. It had definitely been more awkward sober, and before he realized that he’s bisexual, and could have totally had more fun if he’d been aware of and okay with that information at the time.

He’s sort of glad he wasn’t, though, because kissing Eddie Munson during a childish game of truth or dare was a much funnier way to have your queer awakening, and dating Eddie Munson is way more fun than hooking up with random guys in a bar.

“They have really good beer here,” Eddie comments, to which Steve holds up his car keys and jingles them. No medieval mead is going to keep him from being the designated driver.

“I can drive us home,” Robin says, absolutely joking, but Steve still gives her a horrified look and makes a show of sliding his keys back into his pocket, patting the denim for safe keeping. She sticks her tongue out at him, and he flicks her cheek.

Eddie does end up getting some beer, and Steve allows himself a few sips. They’ll be here for at least a few hours, he’ll surely sober up by then. He also samples the gigantic turkey leg that Eddie gets, and Robin wrinkles her nose in disgust at the messy nature of the food.

As they walk around, Steve finds himself getting into the spirit more than he had expected. They eat, watch musical performances, and shop at the little stalls set up by various vendors. Eddie buys a few rings for himself, and buys a handmade mug for Uncle Wayne. Robin indulges in candles and soaps, and even dares to see a fortune teller.

“She said that I’ll meet my future husband soon,” she says, giggling. “Clearly she’s a fraud, or she’d know I’m not interested.”

When Robin runs off to find a bathroom, somehow, Eddie and Steve end up standing around a demonstration about medieval punishments and torture, which Steve expects to be gruesome, and quickly finds he would rather hear gritty, gorey details than stand her and watch this happen.

A pretty girl, probably around their age, is locked into a pair of wooden stocks, and—

“You’ve gotta be kidding me,” Steve mutters, pinching the bridge of his nose between his fingers.

Eddie looks absolutely delighted as he leans in close. “What’s wrong, Stevie? The demonstration isn’t bothering you, is it?” he asks. His cheeks are flushed, too. A few months ago, Eddie would probably be the one stuttering and staring at the ground right now, but ever since he introduced this little world to Steve, he’s gained a confidence about it that only comes out when he gets to tease Steve into oblivion.

“Shut up.”

“You shut up, I’m trying to watch. Maybe I can get some pointers from these guys.”

‘These guys’ refers to the two men who have started tickling the girl’s trapped feet, and frantic giggles fill the air and make Steve’s stomach flip.

“Oh, she’s handling this better than you would,” Eddie continues to tease. “I’d already be called every insult under the sun if you couldn’t kick me instead.”

“I will kick you right now,” Steve threatens. It’s a complete lie. He’s frozen to the spot on the grass, torn between watching and focusing on the grass. Everyone else in the crowd is behaving like this is so normal, no big deal, just a silly show.

One of the men has moved behind the girl to tickle her ribs, her arms secured above her head. Steve crosses his arms over his chest, subconsciously protecting his own sensitive spots, like just watching her could tickle him, too.

“You love that spot,” Eddie coos. “You make the cutest sounds when I tickle you there.”

“I’m gonna fuckin’ kill you,” Steve grits out.

“Sure you will, sweetheart. Can it wait ‘til after I’ve made you cry real pretty for me?”

Just then, Robin appears at his side. “This looks like my worst nightmare,” she says. “I hope this girl is getting paid well.”

Steve makes a noise of agreement, but can’t bring himself to look over. Eddie Munson is going to be the fucking death of him. Thankfully, Robin is immediately bored of the display and drags them off to explore. Eddie subtly gives Steve’s side a quick pinch as he walks past him, and Steve suddenly can’t wait to go home.

***

“You are a fucking menace,” Steve accuses the moment they’ve made it through the door.

His parents aren’t home, Robin was dropped off back at her house, and now, Steve is alone with Eddie for the first time all day, and he refuses to voice how excited he is for whatever Eddie’s got planned.

But Eddie just grins, tugging off the more elaborate pieces of his costume, leaving himself in socks, boxers, and a white t-shirt. He makes his way to the kitchen, comes back with two cans of beer, sits on the couch like he isn’t ignoring the clear tension in the room.

Steve gapes at him for a minute before joining him on the couch, kicking off his boots and taking a beer as well. Maybe Eddie’s changed his mind…Maybe he just isn’t the mood, and Steve isn’t going to pressure him into anything.

But…Well, he has a sneaking suspicion that isn’t the case at all.

“If you’re waiting for me to ask, it’s not gonna happen,” he says.

“Ask for what?” Eddie tilts his head curiously, but there’s a glint in his eye that proves Steve’s theory.

“Nothing,” Steve replies, playing along. “All that talk back there just made me think you had a plan for when we got home. But if you’re not interested, that’s fine too.”

“Did you want me to have a plan?”

Steve huffs. “Maybe. But if you don’t, then let’s forget about it.”

“Oh, c’mon baby,” Eddie says, throwing an arm around Steve’s shoulders and pulling him close. “All you’ve gotta do is ask if you want it so bad.”

His cheeks burn. Stubborn as ever, he shakes his head.

Eddie sighs with exaggerated disappointment. “If you insist. I guess I’ll just keep my hands to myself tonight…”

“Good,” Steve says, and turns the television on.

It takes two beers and a stupid scene in a film to break him. It’s a quick, barely there tickle, but the character’s laugh makes Steve perk up like a dog hearing a doorbell ring.

“Fine,” he says.

“What’s fine?” Eddie asks.

“Just fucking tickle me, you dick.”

Eddie grins and wastes no time, lunging across the couch and pinning Steve to the cushions.

“I knew you’d crack eventually, sweetheart,” he teases. “Sorry we don’t have quite the same set up, but I’ll hold you down real nice, okay?”

Steve is already grinning. He can’t help it, he’s so lovestruck by his boyfriend and desperate to laugh his head off. And laugh he does when Eddie goes straight for his ribs, scratching at the dips between each little bone.

“There’s that pretty sound,” he says, pressing a kiss to Steve’s jaw that is both sweet and ticklish under the current circumstance.

The stupid shirt with the laces is pulled over his head and discarded on the floor, and Eddie pins Steve’s wrists and tells him to stay still before exploring each ticklish spot on his torso, making him shriek and cackle and snort like a fool.

He doesn’t stay still for very long, arms shooting down to his sides when Eddie attacks his belly with blunt fingernails, and Eddie scolds him but doesn’t stop.

As he squirms on the couch, giggling like mad, he wonders if they sell some of those bondage contraptions there. He thinks that they should go back to the Ren Faire sometime. 

#steddie #steddie ticklefic #steddie tickle fic #stranger things ticklefic #stranger things tickle fic #stranger things tickling #steddie fic #steddie fluff #stranger things #tickle fic #ticklefic #raspberry writes

[queermania]

Ok so I have a real question not trying to start discourse or any thing. If Dean knew how he felt about Cas slash knew he liked men why was he always so weird about gay people. I can see a reading where Dean knew how he felt about Cas but not one where he knew he was bi

this is totally a fair question and i don't think there's any one True reading or interpretation of the show/characters so it really just depends on what version of events resonates the most with you. the way the picture makes the most sense to me is that dean is a guy who was raised in the 80s-90s in a hyper-masculine environment with zero stability. i think all of those puzzle pieces slotted into place in his brain in a way that said "sex with men is okay, feelings are not." a furtive hookup with a dude in a seedy bar bathroom is fine. going on a date with a guy is prohibited.

and the thing is that this is kind of true for dean when it comes to women as well. a one night stand is a-okay. falling in love and settling down is not. so, you take that sort of mentality and then apply all the homophobia of growing up in the eighties and the nineties and a life lived out of a car bouncing between truck stops and, well, you get a dean who is absolutely flabbergasted when confronted with the fact that not only are you allowed to want something romantic with a man, you're allowed to say it out loud to other people. you're allowed to have it.

dean wasn't weird about gay people, necessarily. he was weird about people who were able to just be themselves. he didn't know that was an option. also, i don't know about y'all but as a queer person who doesn't necessarily read as queer at a glance, i too get Very Awkward when confronted with another queer person in the wild and it's not because i'm homophobic. it's because oh! new friend! must send telepathic signals that me queer too! my behavior around other queer people in queer spaces does not match my behavior around other queer people in random public spaces. i'm embarrassing and i see that part of myself in dean lol.

and dean being weird about other people making comments about his perceived queerness, to me, is a very normal reaction for a closeted person (or even someone who is selectively and/or quietly out). you can be perfectly at peace with who you are and still not want to be clocked. like???? homophobia is not a thing of the past. dean grew up during the AIDS crisis. he was, what? nineteen years old when matthew sheppard was killed? his reactions to people insinuating he might be anything even close to queer make perfect sense for someone his age, living the life that he did.

also, like, here's the thing: i realized i was queer when i was about eleven and i freaked out about it for about a day and then promptly suppressed the whole thing because of a deeply traumatizing childhood. being queer was the least of my worries and there was never any time to unpack it and deal with it so i just didn't. and then when i was about nineteen i started to have queer sexual/romantic relationships but continued to suppress the fact that EYE was in fact queer because, again, i didn't really have the space to unpack it. it wasn't until i was about twenty-three and surrounded by other queer people (in a platonic way) that i finally felt safe to fully admit to myself and to other people that i was in fact queer. and then i never really did a whole coming out thing. i just... lived my life openly as a queer person and let other people figure it out.

my point in all this is that i feel like my general experience/trajectory lines up really well with how i view dean's. he had a very traumatic upbringing so while he knew he was attracted to men, he had no time or space to deal with it. that didn't stop him from having sex with men, but he never really unpacked what it actually meant. it wasn't until he was older and had openly queer friends that he felt safe enough to fully acknowledge that part of himself. and then.. that was it. he just lived his life as a queer man. like, i feel like we actually watched that happen over the course of the show???

most importantly, i cannot handle any reading where everyone else knows dean is queer but dean does not know himself. i especially loathe the idea that sam Knows and has to explain dean's own sexuality to himself. that is so ugly. dean is a very self-aware person. you could even argue he is perhaps too self-aware at times.

anyway, this is all obviously just a watsonian explanation of dean's relationship to his queerness. it doesn't even touch on the doylist stuff but that's a whole can of worms i'm not really interested in opening on tumblr dot edu right now.

so, yeah. that's my personal reading.

#replies #anonymous #dw #queer!dean #mp

[strawbrygashez]

Andre hcs bc he’s underrated 🗣

•While he will listen to Cals grunge & borderline emo music and finds himself enjoying it here and there, he loves aggressive music a lot more. Anything u could mosh too really. His favorite genres are industrial metal & nu-metal.

•If he was a little more confident in himself and wasn’t worried about being picked on for yet another thing, he’d dress a lot more metalhead-y if he could. I imagine his style would be a mix between mallgoth, metalhead, and some military aesthetics thrown in there. (I shared a hc that cal was talking about working at hot topic before and this kinda ties into that lol. I think andre really wanted him to get the job so he could have a excuse as to why his wardrobe was getting more alternative. Yknow? Like since Cals working there and he goes to visit him when he can, why not browse around a little?)

•He self harms mostly when he’s angry. He’ll hit himself/his head when frustrated, punches stuff, picks his skin, and burns himself occasionally. He also cuts too but not as much as Cal does. He makes sure his cuts actually look like cat scratches that Mel could have gave him.

•(somewhat not really a hc/basically canon) He has a couple mental disorders but his parents kinda have no idea. He keeps things going on in his head to himself. Even Cal didn’t realize how bad off Andre was until Andre began to really trust him. Seeing that Cal obviously had his own issues (the sh scars) made it a lot easier for Andre to share his problems. As emo/stereotypical as it sounds, he really didn’t think anyone would ever get him in the same way Cal does.

•Andre is just full on GAY. He kept that note that girl gave him ages ago because it just made him feel happy and flattered. When he burns it, he only does so because he feels like he needs to fully rid himself of anyone but Cal. (Bc let’s be honest, there really wasn’t any point of him burning it otherwise? They wanted to get rid of things like CDs, books, and games so the media couldn’t blame what they did on stuff like that. I don’t get how the media could have tied the little love note to what they did.)

•He really thought he’d be a dog person until he met a actual dog as a kid. He didn’t like how hyper the dog was & that it kept jumping on him. That’s why when his parents saw it seemed like Andre was becoming lonely sometime in middle school, they got Mel. He bonded super quickly with her.

That’s not to say he won’t give a dog attention & play around with it. He just prefers cats over dogs any day of the week.

•He likes going on walks a lot. Especially if cal comes with. He likes finding places that seems like no one else knows about. I think he’d be SO thrilled if they found a abandoned old tree house. He repairs it up a little bit, adds some things inside and then declares it the army of twos meeting place. (even if they actually rarely meet there lol. They r more likely to be at each others houses but they spend some nights, share secrets, plan things and whatnot up there.)

•He’s not shy really when speaking but words do get caught in his throat and he can be kinda awkward & can’t really read the room when he’s with a big group of people.

Yknow that “he asked for no pickles” meme? That’s Cal saying that with Andre behind him to me.. Andre just prefers not to speak unless it’s absolutely necessary (with people other than Cal) or if someone pissing him off.

•He can take just about anything apart and put it back together again. He fixes Cals siblings toys all the time. He even fixes their bikes too. But he can do more complex things like taking apart a computer and all that.

•He doesn’t have many memories from when he was in Germany. He remembers some relatives and just random odd things here and there but he mostly only has childhood memories from his time in the US.

•He cusses, shit talks under his breath, calls Cal both sweet and mean names all in german.

-He doesn’t do it as much as a older teen but when he would forget the word for something in English he’d say it in German.

-The first time he said I love you to Cal was in German since he knew Cal probably didn’t know what he was saying. Like I said he also calls him names too which Cal and Rachel would try to figure the translation for later online. If it’s something romantic, Cal always would go “Haha yeah this definitely wasn’t what he said.”

•He looks up to Cal so much and is jealous of him. He loves that Cal lets himself be more vulnerable & all cheeky/boyish. Andre for some reason or another feels the need to come off as the strong, more masculine and mature one of the two around others. He likes that Cal expresses himself through sappy shit like poems & music. Andre has it in his head that he always needs to bottle everything up which results in him being quick to get angry and lash out.

That last part is why he was always so annoyed by Rachel. He couldn’t find it in himself to even tell Cal that he doesn’t want him spending time with anyone else though it’s honestly pretty obvious lol.

#zero day #andre kriegman

[solunstell]

List of bsd headcanons

Dazai:

Has bpd. A lot of his traits remind me of my friends with it

He some kind of trans. Nonbinary. Transfem. Transmasc. Idk he's megender lmao

He's described as appearing very youthful in the first two light novels. I imagine that once the events of the main timeline start picking up though, with all the time stopping or slowing abilities that *dont affect him*, he actually ages faster than the other characters. I draw current dazai with small wrinkles, which also hints at stress and stuff

Also, I imagine current dazai getting tanner as he works in the light, as well as getting more prominent freckles.

Round/doe eyes because that is part of his appearance in my opinion. Seeming unsuspecting and innocent, especially during his mafia days

Bad eyesight in his right eye from being under the bandages for so long. Saw this headcanon and loved it

Similarly, beastzai has bad vision in general

I always call No Longer Human an anti-ability in my head, fun fact

He loves to touch other people. Not a fan of being touched by others unless asked

I draw him with red eyes in color, and usually black eyes in ink (inconsistent artstyle my beloved)

Aroace spectrum

heavy sleeper. Very

Chuuya

FRECKLES and tan from sheep days

He likes to be close to other people more than actually touching. Presence over contact

That shade of eyes that changes colors in the light (but I use a grey base lol)

Also some sort of trans, but in a different way than dazai

Brownish red hair. Not blazing, not just brown

That man is AUTISTIC

One time instinctively kicked a friend with his ability active, expecting them to dodge cuz he's used to dazai easily dodging. They did, but they were SO CLOSE to getting hit. Imagine a confused face like wtf why you try to kick me

Light sleeper, but every now and then sleeps like he just learned how to close his eyes

A lot of his jokes go over people's heads because they expect him to be serious and his voice just doesn't change between serious and not serious

Ranpo

Autism plus adhd ftw

Aroace spectrum

Poe

He/they vibes

Anxiety

Gay af

I can 100% see him being into knitting. Imagine the guide plus ranpo all in matching sweaters

Loves baking. Sooooo bad at it

Lucy

Bi (with a lean towards girlies) she/it

VERY good at baking

But she won't share :(

Atsushi

Anxiety, so much anxiety

Aroace spectrum vibes

Very easily idolizes people and then gets surprised when they actually like being around him

Akutagawa

Aroace spectrum

Autism cuz he is so mecore sometimes

Very trans vibes from me

(I like to imagine him having tourettes cuz I have tourettes and I am Not projecting)

Atsushi (special kitty hearing) and jouno being the only ones who can hear some of his tics. He will be horrified that anyone notices them

Wait no actually I'm gonna incorporate that into my belief system. That's canon now

Mori

Genuinely cares about a lot of his workers, but not all of them

He gives great bonuses for birthdays

He absolutely loves vtubers if bsd were in a modern setting. Rip mori. He'd have also loved vocaloid lmao

Ozaki

Masc energy. Fem energy. Ooh I can see ozaki with any pronouns and identity

Kinda person to accidently either overpack or underpack. Always has painkillers, never has a pen

Ridiculous memory. Incredible gift giver. Would get someone something months or years after overhearing them say they wanted something once

"Whyd you get me a hairdryer?"

"You said you needed one. I saw it and thought of you."

"...that was months ago. I got a hairdryer already."

"..." *takes hairdryer back* "sorry wrong person. I don't have my contacts in my bad"

She has perfect vision

Kunikida

Trans vibes. In any and every direction

Adhd af

Will always conveniently have room in his schedule when Aya wants to go do something and needs someone to go with her. No, he's TOTALLY not frantically writing and erasing things, get your glasses updated

You can usually count on him to continue the bit cuz he won't realize there is a bit occurring

#long post #bsd #bungo stray dogs #bungou stray dogs #bsd headcanons #bsd dazai osamu #dazai osamu #osamu dazai #chuya nakahara #nakahara chuya #chuuya nakahara #chūya nakahara #kouyou ozaki #ozaki kouyou #mori ougai #ougai mori #edgar allan poe #ranpo edogawa #bsd edogawa rampo #bsd ranpo #atsushi nakajima #nakajima atsushi #ryuunosuke akutagawa #akutagawa ryunosuke #akutagawa ryuunosuke #bsd akutagawa #lucy maud montgomery #aya koda #doppo kunikida #kunikida doppo

[slexenskee]

can i ask for any details about the hotd/jjk fic?

you mean aside from this lil WIP snippet?

I think I'm gonna call it "Write myself out of the history books" a line from All Time Low to match the rest of my 'Dropping Gojo into fandoms he didn't ask to be in' works 😂

His name is Soren and let's just pretend its Valyrian when in actuality it's just one of my favorite Fire Emblem characters (I feel like Gojo would appreciate that though, prolly a Soren stan himself lol)

His dragon hatches in his crib and idk I headcanon that Rhaenyra would wait to let him name it himself because she probably did the same with Syrax? But then 2 yr-old Gojo is like 'her name is Blue Eyes White Dragon' and Rheanyra is like 'wtf no' and also, this is why you shouldn't let kids name their own damn dragons. Rhaenyra refuses to let him name his dragon after what she doesn't realize is a Yu-gi-oh card, and in they settle for Sylvion, which she thinks is just some obscure Valyrian word/reference his 'Uncle' Daemon taught him, but is in fact a Pokemon that bears striking resemblance to his dragon. It's one of Dreamfyre's eggs, mostly bright white, with blue accents and some slight pink in the membranes, hence, Sylvion. Which is also Gojo's favorite pokemon, so he's two for two with references in this life.

He knows damn well that Daemon is not his Uncle, and they (Rhaenyra, Daemon, Laenor) all know he knows even if they collectively don't acknowledge it. He's Daemon and Rhaenyra's 'accidental brothel baby' that she had to get shotgun wedding'd to Laenor for, which is why he's much older than canon-Jace.

The age gaps are: Satoru/Soren (0), Aegon (+2), Helaena (-1), Aemond (-2), Jace (-3), Luke (-4) idk if Joff or Daeron will be in this.

Aegon is in love with him literally at first sight. He's going to PINE FOREVER. Like so much angst when he realizes he doesn't just adore his nephew in a purely platonic sense - which his mother/grandfather already dislike - but is in fact homosexually and audaciously in love with him lol. He definitely tries to fuck himself out of his own gayness, which absolutely does not work, esp when he starts ending up gravitating to regular female whores to male whores who all bear a striking resemblance to his nephew.

Does Gojo know? Hmm yes but not really. It doesn't even cross his mind even though he is also very gay, and also knows incest is casually a normal thing in the Valyrian family. But to him, Aegon is his uncle, and also a man in a 'don't say gay' world, so he kind of intentionally doesn't look too deeply into it. He does notice Egg is very attached to him, but he's not sure how much of that is familial and platonic and just Egg's very handsy personality versus romantic. They played a lot together as kids, slept in the same bed etc back when they were young enough it didn't mean anything, and obviously Gojo never felt that way about what he thought was a 'cute sticky dumpling of a kid who thinks he hung the moon' so it'll be a longgg and difficult shift for him to see Egg in any other way.

Aemond worships him in a strictly platonic sense that totally feeds his god complex. Gojo is literally the warrior reborn to him. He's a one man army and everyone knows it and he's so out of any mortal's league instead of being jealous about it Aemond just straight up adores him like a god. Daemon and Laena don't get together in this fic (RIP Baela and Rhaena) so Laena is still alive and has Vhagar, so idk maybe Aemond has Vermithor.

On a related note, everyone worships him as a god (or a Valyrian devil, *ahem* Hightowers *ahem*) bc to them he may as well be one. He has all his OG powers, he's invincible and untouchable and literally unstoppable. He achieves infamy the world over during Stepstones Round 2 where he absolutely obliterates an entire army and a few islands besides. He straight up asks his 'grandfather' Corlys if he should just eradicate the whole island chain and permanently solve the problem. Of course, the story gets convoluted with the whole medieval 'he said she said' chain of communication so there are plenty of non-believers still. LOL jokes on them.

He adores Rhaenyra. Like he likes Laenor a lot, and is partial to his little brothers (yes Jace and Luke exist, idk if they're Laenor's or Daemon's yet tho. They would't be Harwins bc Rhaenyra took one look at Gojo and was like 'shit he's 100% Valyrian its gonna look weird as hell if his siblings dont look like him at all') and has a soft spot for his 'Uncle' Daemon, but the reason he even bothers to stick around and not just fuck off to Essos to raise his own empire is because of her. I headcanon Gojo to have zero relationship with his parents in JJK - which unfortunately is expected from 'the patriarch' aka his father, but deeply hurt him in regards to his mother, who also cared nothing for him. Yes total double standard, but that's patriarchy for you. Anyway Rhaenyra is the opposite - she cherishes him from day 1, and whether that's because she truly loved him at first sight or just loved the idea of a child of hers and Daemon's who knows. But she doted on him and took care of him in a way anomalous for mother's in Westeros, and Gojo always took note of that. He'd burn the world for her - or in this instance, cower it into submission so she can have her throne in peace.

He doesn't mind playing the 'radiant prince' for her, being the faultless and impossibly perfect heir to the throne, because he knows it strengthens her claim immeasurably when his achievements so obviously outshine her direct competitor (Egg, who in fact does not give a shite about the throne and just wants to run away on his dragon with Soren). He even quietly submits himself to the idea of taking a wife because he knows that's also expected of him, although he plans on copying Laenor and having some threesome magic going on. Will that have to come to pass though? Hmm idk yet

THERE WILL BE ZOMBIES. No Night King, but I absolutely believe that Gojo accidentally would become the Prince who was Promised. His birth once again upsets the balance of yet another world, and shifts events into motion that would have laid dormant otherwise. Does he bring magic back into world with his birth? That would be interesting. Idk yet tho.

I also believe in the Maester conspiracy, so that might be in this fic too

#HOTD fanfic #jujutsu kaisen fanfic #gojo satoru

[crosbyism]

HELLO IM BACK (the sid should have gender affirming sex anon) bc i just realized the real and true reason for sid’s old jock. it looks like an infection hazard right?? THATS THE POINT. the constant dick checks needed to prevent a rash. having a glorified 15 step korean skin care routine for his dick and balls. demanding nate double check his junk.

i had a whole thing about sid fucking his way across the masculinity spectrum to tell u and i can’t express it rn :( i am slightly high i think sid starts out w some fairly stereotypical cishet ideas of masculinity and sex, thinking in the middle of the flyers era misgendering. assumes his visceral negative reaction to getting babygirled is as much the sub part as gender (also bc prob has a lot of cishet ideas about gender and penetration and power) then he gets baby boy-ed and it’s like iiiii can shooow uuuu the woooorld like i think he’s a switch (sex competition!) which imo is underexplored but idk maybe he was operating off the hind brain assumption that bc he was topping in a certain sitch he’s be in charge and gets baby boy-ed by a power bottom. or maybe he tries anal but decides penetration doesn’t get him the way a handjob does bc he wants to touch dicks! idk i think sex gets a lot more wet n wild when penetration isnt treated as “realer” than all other forms even if it can be fun! i am high and this is probably a more nuanced topic than i can express rn sorry :( i just was struck w inspiration about sid’s nasty jock and demanding his junk be looked at to see if other ppl thought he was getting a rash or not

sid gets wiggly when condescendingly called sport

ur so right re nate and the eroticization of the everyday via sid’s masculinity kink. also i think one time the sink breaks and sid’s hind brain is like I Know What To Do and it’s not until he’s standing in front of the sink wearing a white tank top jeans toolbelt and holding a hammer (for a sink???) w nate staring at him expectantly that sid realizes he got all his knowledge from porn and has no clue what to do when facing an actual sink

also i think nate can trick? sid into doing chores if he frames it as fulfilling sid’s being a middle aged man kink. home depot dad kink. babe bring home the bacon. hey handsome going hunting? (grocery shopping). hey stud gimme a ride? wow we should compare charcoal vs gas grill maintaince. man these burgers are so good u gotta show me the recipe

i’ve mostly talked about sid here but ur nate idea w him having his everyday in a box and sec in a box and sid exploding the boxes is soooooo good

ok bye im going to go eat peanut butter. wait no i have chocolate cake!!!!

BESTIE WELCOME BACK 😍🥰😘 lol i love u and feel free to come into my inbox high and craving chocolate cake anytime. im laughing and delighted

LMAOOO re: sid’s nasty jock being an excuse for regular junk inspections, im crying ur SO right bestie. sid keeps being like: oh nooo i have to get my junk inspected again :( and someone has to fondle it while talking about my cock and balls in excruciating detail :( oh nooo what if they have to take out a magnifying glass :( to check for an infection :( and then they’d have to KEEP talking to me regularly about by cock and balls. and inspect it. every day.

anyone else: sid why don’t you just get a new jock

sid: no :) can’t. ✨superstition✨

like it would be SO ON BRAND for him. im crying. and also rolling in this headcanon like a pig in filth (read: sid’s junk in his jock)

re: sid working his way up to it and discovering the delights and dynamics of queer sex as an underbaked youngling, u r cooking and now i’m thinking about, like. sid nervously for one of his first sort of hook ups working his way up to insisting on topping with a very effeminate gay dude (since he feels safe asking for it there) and the guy just blowing his mind going “mh honey you’re such a stud, you’re gonna come and fill me right up, aren’t you?” sid goes UH. yes. YES PLEASE. and the sex essentially starts the process of boiling the frog for him, bc the guy is like. clearly at least a a decade older, clearly handling the reigns, but he’s also luxuriating in getting a cock inside him, calls sid (“just, uh. don’t call me kid, please.”) a sport, a stud, a good boy, basically sort of caringly soft doms him (“oh you’re gonna blow your load soon, aren’t you, baby boy? inside me? it’s okay baby, your big cock feels so good, i want it.”) while also begging for a cock in his ass. by the time sid walks out of there his queer third eye is blown wide the fuck open and he starts sucking and fucking his way through pittsburgh, craving nothing less than the high of shrimp colour sexual encounters. figuring out the shape of his (masc kink) sexual preferences one ultra specific hookup at a time.

the thing is that as a rookie he’s small in hockey terms, but he’s still a big guy compared to the normal population. so it’s not exactly hard to start topping dudes. but i think he does the classic dom top thing a couple of times and it gets a little boring. he loves fucking jocks, albeit starts out fucking smaller guys than him. he’s ecstatic the first time a bearded guy bigger than him goes to his knees and praises how pretty his cock is between sucking him off. he loves being called baby boy. sometimes even likes being called “kid” (but only in a specific gay hookup way). over the years he grows to like and appreciate all sorts of little masc epithets (big guy, handsome, mister, and ultimately daddy). i’m with you re: absolutely a switch, although i think he works his way up to some stuff. he just always, regardless of dynamic, enjoys sex the most when it’s full of masculinisation kink. he loves to be a dude fucking dudes. any which way. he loves touching a dick

i’m laughing so much @ nate tricking him into doing chores via middle aged dad kink bc why are u SO right about this. this is real to me. once nate figures the masc kink thing out he is milking that cow cock day and night about it. “hey handsome going hunting? (grocery shopping)” and “wow we should compare charcoal vs gas grill maintaince” are going to live in my mind rent free forever now, thank u. i’m gonna wake up in the middle of the night two weeks from now thinking: “hunting (grocery shopping)”. and the fact that sid 100% gets off on it. thrives on being referred to like this. sid wants to be the mustachioed porno plumber so bad. nate lets him tinker and break the sink even more just for the kink of it before they break 3 hours and two rounds of sex later and finally call an actual plumber. it’s a good thing they’re millionaires that can afford to break their appliances even more before hiring a professional to fix it.

#this ask cleared my skin watered my crops etc. #come back soon anon #kookanswers #anon #masculinisation and the real guy #sidnate #long post

[joanofexys]

tell me about Merrick?

@themundanemudperson @codename-adler

thank you guys for asking about him

as always quick little overview of Merrick Carew:

usually goes by Merr

he/him

25 years old

gay aspec, trans man

english major

played for the foxes for 5 years and attended on a scholarship

5’7, brown hair, hazel eyes, has tattoos under his top surgery scars (and other tattoos lol)

striker, plays pro for a team i will come up with a name for eventually

had an older sister

quick warning now that Merr touches on a variety of heavier topics cause yk he is a fox so yeah just be prepared for that

specific tws i can think of: substance abuse, suicide, domestic abuse, child abuse, COCSA (SA)

this got really long so it’s under the cut 😭

Merr was recruited to the foxes after his coach recommended him to Wymack. His coach had noticed a variety of signs that pointed to abuse at home and also signs of addiction. When his coach asked why he hadn’t applied to any colleges Merr admitted that he couldn’t afford it and that no one wanted to put up with his attitude since he wasn’t much of a team player.

When he was offered a full ride to PSU knowing their reputation and it meaning that they’d be the only school who would take him

Now for the reasons why he’s a fox:

Merrick grew up in a big house where he lived with his parents, his aunt and uncle, his older sister, and his 4 older cousins

He and his sister were close and pretty much attached at the hip and they got along with their cousins as well. Both his parents and aunt and uncle were neglectful and his uncle was abusive to both his aunt and his mom while his dad tended to look the other way. Because of this they were largely unsupervised and it landed on his sister to do a lot of the caretaking.

His dad was an alcoholic and his mom seemed to like pain pills a little too much so substances went largely unchecked in the home and Merr was even offered things like alcohol at a very young age which was the start of his own addiction. Merr didn’t love alcohol but he did learn to mimic his mother and developed a preference for pretty much any pills he could get his hands on.

As they got older his uncle’s abuse also turned onto his cousins and in turn their abuse turned on him (and his sister when she tried to intervene). One of Merr’s cousins started to sexually abuse him when they were 14 and he was 11 and it didn’t end until a few years later when his uncle was fired and they had to move to a different state for his new job.

Until that had happened Merr’s family had realized how dependent they were on his uncle and aunts income and they lost their house and ended up living in a variety of hotels. In this period of time both Merr’s and his parents addictions got really bad and his sister was put under a lot of stress working and trying to take of him and their parents. Eventually she started skipping school, she got rejected from all of the colleges she applied to (all out of state), and she ended up committing suicide on her 18th birthday when Merr was 14

After her death both of Merr’s parents decided to get clean, shocked by their daughter’s death and realizing they were so wrapped up in their own addictions that they hadn’t noticed anything going on with her. They both started going to rehab, group therapy, and locked down to full time jobs and got to the point where they could afford an apartment when Merr was 14. Merrick, on the other hand, got worse and became more dependent on any substance he could get his hands (even harder now that his parents were keeping a clean house). Because he had never had to worry about a lack of access to drugs before he started going through withdrawals and with it he started heavily lashing out. At his school he found ways to get high still but it wasn’t the same as what he had been getting before and he remained irritable. He snapped at people a lot including his parents which led to a lot of fighting which turned into verbal abuse

He started looking for excuses to be out of the house and decided to try out for his high school’s exy team and actually made it. He played all through high school, it forced him to keep up his grades, and well he still didn’t get clean but he had another outlet and a coach who was doing their best to look out for him.

When he moves to PSU he has no idea what he wants to do with his life, he’s focused on getting his next fix, and he’s so incredibly lonely.

Moving to college forces him to finally process his grief for his sister and he has a breakdown where he keeps trying to call her old, deactivated, number and begging to go home. His roommates end up calling Wymack who takes him to his apartment and he refuses to move back into the dorms for about two months after that. But that means he can’t hide his addiction and when confronted with that he agrees to finally actually talk to Bee. He makes it through his first semester at Palmetto and ends up checking himself into rehab over winter break.

He gets clean, relapses a few times, the summer of his sophomore year he ends checking himself into rehab again for the duration of it and ends up staying clean.

I guess he’s one of Wymack’s successes and he’s plenty fucked up and still feels like a mess trying to be a person most days but he considers Wymack and Abby and Bee and even some of his teammates family and knows he’s got them to fall back on.

When he goes pro the media ends up falling in love with him and he ends up adoring press duty for the positive attention and being surprisingly good at it with a little media training.

He’s not a huge advocate about addiction or mental health necessarily because he keeps his issues incredibly private but he’ll repost little infographics and he’s the always the first to like Jude’s posts about his struggles and leave a supportive comment.

This is getting really long so I’m gonna try and wrap it up now. Other than his addiction and his sisters death he doesn’t end up confronting his other trauma until he’s into his 20’s. After graduating he keeps Bee as his therapist and that’s where he starts unpacking everything that happened to him as a kid. He still has a lot to work on and heal from, a lot of it he’d rather pack up in a box and never address, but when the feelings on it get too big he’s learned a lot of healthier outlets over letting his frustrations get the best of him

And yeah idk if he ever makes court but I am toying with the idea of him and Jude getting together

#asks #i’m so so sorry for how long this got #my ocs #aftg #oc: merrick carew

[cryptidclaw]

I have some questions...

1 - How did Firesight's relationship with Shriketail (I don't know how to write his name😭) happen?

2 - Firesight that had the Sand and Shrike kits? Is Sandstorm a trans chimera?

ehehe u give me chance to ramble about my babiessss

First off Shrike is an older apprentice at the beginning of the arc, just to make them closer in age a bit, also I like the idea of establishing Shrike as a edgy teen.

Shrike and Fire had a sort of distant rivalry like in canon until Tigerclaw's banishment, which is when Shrike really realized "oh fuck, I've been aligning myself with all the wrong people, and all that I have been taught to hate is probably a lie". After this Shrike starts to slowly trying to better himself, and Fire starts to take notice! its things like Shrike standing up for Fire when someone is mocking him behind his back, or Shrike actively trying to not teach his apprentice to follow in Tigerclaw's way of thinking.

The two of them are still mostly distant for a while, but they start to gain an appreciation for each other, Shrike can see how badass and strong Firesight is for shouldering all the pressure he is under, and Fire can appreciate the effort Shrike is putting into unlearning the things Tiger and Dark taught him, and trying to be a good person.

They actually start being friends after Swift's death though. Both of them blame themselves for what happened, they both think they could have done more, Shrike thinks he failed Swift as a mentor, and Fire thinks he could have done more to convince Star Bluefrost to make Swift and Bright warriors. They end up having a bonding moment where Fire tries to apologise for Swift's death and it just ends with them both convincing the other that what happened was NOT their fault! they end up a sobbing mess and hug :)

After this they start being friends! slowly but surely they spend more and more time together, also Sandstorm has become friends with Fire as well, and she and Shrike quickly hit it off as besties since they have similar personalities and experiences (and crushes lol)! From there its just friends to lovers for Fire x Shrike and Fire x Sand! they become a polycule with Fire being mates with Shrike and Sand and Shrike and Sand being queer platonic partners!

I love them so much T-T

ANnnnd for the babies: Firesight is a trans tom, Shrike is a cis gay tom, and Sandstorm is a trans molly and a chimera, which is why she is still calico! Cats can have litters with more than one sire so both of Fire's litters were sired by both of his mates, each having one kit from each mate!

#cryptid answers #RoC story building #cryptidclaw's warriors au #rise of change #longfiresand #longfire

[tojiswhore-aventurinesslut]

A Midnight of Emotions

pairing: Nanami x Haibara, Satoru x Suguru, Nanami x Gojo (at least the beginnings of it)

warnings: ANGST I'm sorry

synopsis: Gojo comes back from a mission and runs into Nanami. It's Haibara's birthday and the 2 of them get drunk on the roof of the school in his memory and end up falling asleep together in Nanami's bed. They find a kinship in each other for both having lost their best friend (gay).

word count: 2.4k

a/n: My most beloved mutual @pinkished gave me the inspo for this as she has with so many other fics I've written (and may one day post). Also this is sort of canon compliant but not with ages or dates because I was too lazy to look them up lol.

————————————————

Gojo came back to campus late one night, having just finished a mission. It had been a few months since Geto defected, but the pain in his heart was still palpable. Every day he thought about his best friend, his one and only. How things could have turned out differently if he had just paid attention. If he had just been there.

With his eyes cast down he nearly ran straight into Nanami, who had his back to him as he quietly closed the door to the dorm building. 

“Nanami? What are you doing?” Gojo asked. 

Nanami jumped and whipped around, hiding his hands behind his back. “Oh, Gojo, um, nothing I’m just... going for a walk.”

Gojo had never seen Nanami flustered before, making him momentarily forget his sadness as his curiosity piqued. 

“Oh? Well why do you look so nervous then? What do you have behind your back?” Gojo asked, with a teasing smile, trying to peer around Nanami's back. 

Nanami shifted to conceal what was behind him, a vein pulsating in his head as he grew irritated, “Nothing. Don’t you have something better to do? Some curses to exorcize that only ‘the strongest’ can handle?” 

At that, Gojo’s smile fell. ‘The strongest’ used to mean him and Suguru. Now it was just him. Alone. 

Nanami immediately regretted snapping. Even though it had been a year since Yu died, he still thought of his best friend every day. In fact, today would have been Yu’s 18th birthday. One of their favorite things to do was sneak sake out of Yaga’s personal stash and get tipsy on the roof of the school and just talk the night away. In honor of that, Nanami had secured some sake and was on his way to the roof when he ran into Gojo. 

“Listen, Gojo I’m s--” Nanami started. 

“No. Sorry I pried. I’ll leave you be.” Gojo began to turn away when Nanami spoke up again. 

“It’s Yu’s birthday today.”

At that, Gojo turned around. What day was it? Oh, he realized, it was his birthday. Haibara should have been turning 18 this year. 

Nanami continued, bringing his hands to his front as he did, “Me and Yu used to celebrate a mission gone well or a special occasion by stealing some sake from Yaga and drinking on the roof. Since it’s his birthday, I was going to continue that tradition...” Nanami held the bottle of sake in front of him. 

Gojo looked at the bottle and then at Nanami. He could hear the sadness in Nanami’s voice. When Suguru left that day, it felt like he lost a part of himself too. But at least Suguru was alive. He couldn’t imagine how Nanami felt, having to watch his best friend die and being powerless to help him. Much like he was powerless to help Suguru. 

“Oh..” was all Gojo mustered to say. 

Nanami continued, “If you’d like, you can join me tonight. Haibara always looked up to you...” Nanami trailed off again. 

Gojo thought for a second. He wasn’t a fan of alcohol. But with how depressed he felt about Suguru leaving, and given that it was Haibara’s birthday, he figured he could endure it for one night. 

“All right. Lead the way.”

Nanami led Gojo through the way he and Haibara used to get on the roof. Once on top, Gojo looked around. The moon was full, illuminating everything, leaving the secrets of the night with no place to hide. It was all bared for the stars to see. 

“This is nice. I can’t believe I’ve never been up here before.” Gojo said. 

“Yeah. It's peaceful up here.”

The two of them sat in silence for some time. Each thinking about the partner they loved and ultimately lost.

“Well. Happy 18th Birthday Yu. This is for you.” And Nanami tipped the sake bottle back to his lips and took a long drink, and then passed it to Gojo. 

Gojo took the bottle carefully, “Happy Birthday Haibara.” And he took a sip, forcing the liquid down his throat as it burned. 

“Ack I don’t get how people drink this stuff.” Gojo groaned, handing the bottle back to Nanami, who was already sporting a rosy tint to his cheeks, visible by the light of the moon. 

“Haha Yu used to say the same thing. But he said he wasn’t gonna let me drink alone and have all the fun. Then it just became a tradition to do after a successful mission.” Nanami wore a small smile on his face, recalling all the good times they had together, and then he took another long swig. 

“You also just get used to it over time. Here.” He said, passing it back to Gojo. 

Gojo looked at the bottle with a grimace but took a larger sip this time, thoughts about how Suguru would have enjoyed it up here plagued his mind and helped the clear liquid slide down his throat. 

They sat in silence again. Both boys growing redder as the sake bottle emptied. 

It was Nanami who eventually broke the silence, voice trembling and slurred, “I miss him so much.”

Gojo was shocked at the other boy’s sudden vulnerability. Nanami was usually so stoic and quiet. Yet here he was, eyes glistening in the moonlight as he looked out at the world beyond. 

Gojo looked down, “I miss him too.” He responded quietly. He hadn’t drank as much as Nanami but he could still feel his body tingling, could feel the emotions he was trying to suppress bubbling to the surface, threatening to spill over like the tears in Nanami’s eyes. 

“We weren’t strong enough to save either of them.” Nanami sniffled, mouth quivering, still looking out at the lights of the non-sorcerer world. 

At that, the tightness in Gojo’s chest finally bursted open. The pain and loss and helplessness he felt was finally coming to the surface. He couldn’t ignore it any longer as tears ran down his cheeks and he gritted his teeth. No matter what he did, they wouldn’t stop. 

The only other one with the title of ‘the strongest’, his best friend, his one and only, Suguru...had gone down a path he could not follow and he was powerless to stop him. For all his strength he couldn’t even keep Suguru by his side. Suguru Suguru Suguru. A name that once filled him with such joy and love and pride, now only left him in despair. What good was any of this if he couldn’t share it with the one he cared for the most? Who could he save if he couldn’t even save the person closest to him? What use was he to the world? 

He looked up at the stars, tears running down his cheeks, why why why why. Why was fate so cruel? Why did Suguru leave? Why wasn’t he enough for him to be happy in this world?

What broke Gojo out of his spiral was the soft snoring coming from Nanami, wet streaks painting his cheeks. It looked like whatever tightness Nanami was holding in his chest finally broke too. 

Gojo felt a little bit guilty. Nanami drank most of the sake because Gojo only took small sips after the second one. When he was up here with Haibara it was probably more of a 50/50 split. 

He looked out at the city beyond, wondering where Suguru was right now, what he was doing. 

Gojo sighed and dried his face, it was no use wondering. He could only save those who were prepared to be saved. And right now, Nanami looked like he was about to roll right off the roof. 

Despite not having drunk that much, Gojo was still a lightweight and could feel the effects of the alcohol. Because of it, he didn’t really trust that he could use his technique right now, so he picked Nanami up the old fashioned way and carried his passed out junior back to his dorm. It was a significant struggle getting off the roof with the deadweight of an 18 year old boy on your shoulders, especially when you’ve been drinking. But Gojo managed to do it while only knocking Nanami’s head into something once. 

When they were back in Nanami’s dorm, Gojo took off his shoes and put him to bed, laying him on his side just in case. He stood there for a bit, wondering if it would really be okay to leave Nanami alone. He was a little concerned about how much the boy drank, and to be honest, he wasn’t too keen on being alone right now. The alcohol exacerbated his pent up emotions and led his thoughts down dark paths.

Gojo was pondering his options when Nanami spoke in his sleep, “Yu? Where’d you go? Come back.” As Nanami spoke he reached over to the empty side of his bed, eyebrows furrowing when he was met with nothing, “Come back, Yu. Please”

Through the light of the moon pouring in through the windows, Gojo could see tears forming in the corners of Nanami’s eyes again, the streaks down his cheeks only barely dried. 

Gojo sighed for the second time that night. He knew how that felt. Him and Suguru had shared a bed many, many times before. They always shared one on missions, and occasionally snuck into each other’s dorm for sleepovers at school. Honestly, he missed the feeling of having someone by his side. When he started going on missions alone, he found it hard to sleep, but eventually got used to it. Now though, after Suguru’s defection, he found himself lying awake most of the night. Feeling so small in his own bed. 

“Please” Nanami’s lips quivered. Gojo sighed for a third time and crawled into bed next to Nanami, “You’re fine Nanami. Go to bed. I’m here.” 

At that Nanami’s face softened and he laid his hand on Gojo’s shoulder. His light snores filled the room once more. 

Despite himself, Gojo’s eyes began to feel heavy. The bed was comfortable, and it was comforting having another body next to him, even if it wasn’t Suguru. Soon enough, both boys had drifted off, the moon shining a light across their chests, rising and falling in sync. 

Gojo was the first to wake the next morning, a sun beam right in his eyes. He looked over and Nanami was still asleep, rolled over with his back to him now. Well, the guy made it through the night without throwing up and he was still breathing. Gojo considered that a win. 

Carefully and as quietly as possible, he got up from the bed and made his way to the kitchen. His head was lightly pounding, likely from the alcohol and the tears he shed last night. Tears he had been holding in for months. He got himself a glass of water and then started making breakfast for himself. By the time he sat down to eat, Nanami came dragging his feet into the kitchen, eyes squished in pain and a hand on his head. 

“Good morning”, Gojo chimed. He was unsure what the other boy remembered of last night. 

Nanami looked at him through pained eyes, “Good morning.” And then went to get himself a glass of water. After downing it he seemed to feel a little bit better. 

“Hey, about last night...I don’t remember too much of it but I hope I didn’t cause you too much trouble...” Nanami looked away. He had only ever really gotten tipsy with Haibara, but he guessed he drank more than he was used to. At least, that’s what his spotty memory and pounding head were telling him. 

“Don’t worry about it. It wasn’t trouble but you definitely owe me for having to carry you passed out back to your dorm.” Gojo smirked. 

Nanami’s eyes widened as a blush overtook his face, “You had to carry me back!?” He asked, embarrassed. 

“Yep and I had to take your shoes off and get up close and personal with your stinky feet.” Gojo teased. 

At that, the vein in Nanami’s head pulsed but he bit his tongue, “Well,” he began in a tight voice, “Thank you for carrying me back. I’ll be sure it doesn’t happen again.” 

“Mhmm I’ll always be here to save you Nanaminnnnn” Gojo grinned as Nanami’s grip on his glass tightened and the vein pulsed faster. 

Nanami didn’t even bother to reply, still partially ashamed that he made Gojo deal with him while he was drunk. He’d let his teasing go. This time. 

As Gojo watched Nanami leave, he thought about everything that happened last night. 

Nanami apparently didn’t remember anything, or he was just lying. Either way, Gojo wasn’t going to bring it up. It was a vulnerable night for both of them. And to be frank, Gojo was not one to be vulnerable around others. Suguru was the only one who ever got to see that side of him. At that thought, Gojo tensed, expecting to feel the same suffocating tightness in his chest that always accompanied thoughts of Suguru. But he didn’t. Yes, the tightness in his chest was still there, but it wasn’t as suffocating. It didn’t feel like somebody ripped a hole into his heart. He could breathe. And he did. A full breath of air, letting the thought of Suguru come and go. Maybe being vulnerable and trusting others wasn’t such a bad thing after all. 

-----------------------------

Nanami left the kitchen and walked towards the bathrooms to take a shower. He had lied. He was drunk last night, yeah, but he remembers crying. He remembers hearing Gojo crying, asking the stars “why?” over and over again. He had even woken up in the middle of the night to find Gojo sleeping next to him, just like Yu used to, with Nanami’s hand on his shoulder. He’s surprised the boy didn’t tease him about it, as irritating him seems to be one of Gojo’s other innate techniques. But, he supposed even Gojo has limits. After all, they both lost their partners, their best friend, the person closest to them. Both because they were too weak, just in different ways. As Nanami climbed into the shower, he began to feel a sense of kinship with Gojo. And, was that even a spark of respect?

“Oh Nanamiiiiiinnnnnnnnn I thought of the first way you could repay me for my heroic selflessness and for having to smell your stinky feeeetttttt” Gojo sang from the hallway. 

Nanami’s head began to pound harder. Nope. He definitely did not respect Gojo Satoru. 

#my writing #posts #nanago #satosugu #nanami x haibara #nanami x gojo #gojo x geto #nanami #gojo #haibara #geto #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #hainana #satosugu fics

[my-castles-crumbling]

What is your brain’s canon timeline for the mauraders era?

I love tumblr 😍

So, I'm going to be vague for now but if I feel ambitious maybe I'll make an in-depth one. This is my VERY not canon-compliant, in-a-happy-world timeline. I am also partially high on the fumes from wood stain, so take this with a grain of salt. I can also do a canon-compliant one if you like.

First year: End of the year, Sirius, James, and Peter find out about Remus being a werewolf

Second and Third year: Regulus and Sirius have a falling out because family trauma.

Thirdish year: idea for the Marauder's Map is formed, they spend a year or so perfecting it but are constantly adding to it

Third year as well: Remus realizes he's in love with Sirius. He's more emotionally aware but also hates himself so he pines silently.

Fourthish year: Dorcas and Marlene make the quidditch team, become rivals. Dorcas is Out and Proud. Marlene is not. She probably hooks up with Sirius at some point but they're better off as friends.

Third-fifth year: James wants Lily. He is an idiot. Lily does not want him back.

Beginning of fifth year: Sirius, James, and Peter succeed at being animagi. Remus has to resist kissing Sirius because he was the one who came up with the idea. Poor Remus.

End of fifth year: The Prank. The Dark Ages.

Summer between fifth and sixth year, Sirius runs away, Remus forgives Sirius because....Sirius is hurt and he just loves him, okay?

Sixth year: the year of pining for Wolfstar. Sirius has realized what it's like to lose Remus and Doesn't Want That Again, realizes his feelings but won't share them because he is terrified.

Also sixth year: James cools down about Lily. Lily is a raging lesbian. She hooks up with some randoms, but it doesn't really work out.

Also Also sixth year: Marlene is like, oh shit, lesbians. Women. Girls. Is like ooooo all those issues with Dorcas are sexual tension. This is not solved quickly because both of them are stubborn.

End of sixth year: Wolfstar gets their shit together. As do Dorlene. Perhaps with dramatic confessions.

Summer between sixth and seventh year: Regulus runs away to James's house because he is Very Gay and probably fucked Barty at some point, but just because Barty is arguably attractive and they both were bored. Barty still insists that he's not gay. Oh, Barty.

Seventh year: James has a Gay Crisis and falls for Reggie because Reggie is beautiful to him but everyone else thinks he's an asshole. Eventually Reggie returns said feelings because he's apparently attracted to idiots.

Also seventh year: Because Dorcas and Marlene, and Reggie and James are together, Lily meets Pandora. Yay, Pandalily!

Only after Reggie gets his shit together do Rosekiller realize, hey, we are Also Gay- For Each Other. Better late than never.

This isn't the timeline that any of my fics follow exactly, but this is my ideal timeline lol. Hope that helps!

#marauders #harry potter #marauders era #fanfic #sirius black kinnie #wolfstar #regulus black kinnie #jegulus #harry potter marauders #marauders fandom #dorlene #pandalily

[archiveofmystuff]

Jin Ho-eun for W Korea magazine: on filming Love in the Big City

Actor Jin Ho-eun was part of a feature on a few young male Korean actors for the magazine W Korea. For one part of the interview he talked about filming Love in the Big City.

Here is the feature. Below is a screenshot of the relevant part of the article. **DISCLAIMER** This is just through autotranslation on the webpage, it is not an official translation nor a fan translation and could very easily contain some errors. I don't know Korean so I can't vouch for its accuracy lol.

He does confirm he's playing Gyu-ho, which we already knew but I'm not sure if it had been "officially" confirmed by the production or him/his team. He's been posting regularly on his instagram about filming Love in the Big City, so between that and this interview he seems really excited!

He seemingly calls it a queer drama so it's safe to assume it's not going to be "straightwashed" as some people evidently feared. I never really had any doubt about that since I heard the author was involved and also bc....what story is there without it being gay...but some people on other social medias (cough tik tok cough) seemed worried it would be turned into a "bromance" (again not sure how that would be possible), so there you go. Obviously doesn't necessarily confirm they'll depict everything that was in the book, but still! A queer drama with fairly established actors and apparently pretty good budget! From Korea! That's a pretty big deal imo.

Also, I didn't realize he was only 23! He's younger than Gyu-ho in the book but Kdramas (based on my slightly limited experience) don't shy away from having younger actors play slightly older characters so I don't think anyone should assume they're like aging down the characters or anything. Nam Yoon-su is 26 and obviously the book basically spans the main character's entire 20s into his early 30s so it makes sense to choose people kind of in the middle!

Have some pics from the shoot of our future Gyu-ho!

#love in the big city #litbc book club #jin hoeun

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

aita for ghosting 2 of my closet friends?

TL;DR: 2 of my closest/longest friendships ive had were ended by me stopping any and all communication, either unprompted or prompted. i dont feel any urge to talk with these people again, and i do not want to rekindle these friendships.

i (19ftm) have had only 2 friendships were i would consider the other person a "best friend". the first one was when i was in middle school (12-13). this other person, we'll call K(at the time 13F). now back in middle school i was what would be considered as the cool kids say: Cringe. super obsessed with undertale AND homestuck, a big 1-2 punch.

i met K through our homeroom class, and we really hit it off well. she was funny, great at art, and also loved undertale (she was the one who actually got me into homestuck, but thats besides the point). we hung out constantly, always chatting and swapping art tips, that sorta thing.

when i moved schools in 7th grade we became distance friends. not long distance bc we lived 30 min. away from each other, but we didn't get to see each other everyday anymore. eventually we started dating, but i didnt really feel content w the relationship at the time (i didnt know i was trans/gay yet lol).

one day i told her i was taking a break from social media/discord for a while until i sorted myself out, and then i would be back. i never spoke with her again after that and i felt like shit for years for ghosting my at the time girlfriend. i didnt take the break with the intention of ghosting K, it just kinda happened. she deleted her discord and i don't remember her tumblr so i have no way of communicating w her anymore. we knew each other for about 3-4 years, and dated for about half of that.

my other friend we'll call T(ftm). I met T my freshman year, when i was 14. T is 2 years older than me, so he was 16 at the time, a sophomore. T and i really hit it off well, and we hung out all the time after school, and talked over discord daily. he did a lot for me ill be honest, and helped me through an identity crisis when i realized i was trans and also gay.

however, when T graduated he started to drift away. i was still a junior at the time but we stayed in contact the best we could. i started driving so i would visit him in his apartment on weekends. however things really nose dived my senior year. i was 17-18 and all my friends had graduated, so i was already feeling pretty alone.

i kept trying to find comfort in T but he just kinda faded away. he found a new friend group of ppl closer to his age and they started hanging out more. i knew some of these people from our school, and was even friends w one of them, but for some reason he insisted on keeping me separate from them.

things boiled over when our mutual friend from this new friend group decided to throw a halloween party, but had to cancel last minute. time skip to november 1st and im picking up T to go rollerskating, and to my surprise he hops in my car out of breath and says "sorry it took so long, i was cleaning up after a halloween party!" and went on about this party he threw the night before with all his friends from the other group. T explained to me that he didn't invite me bc "i wouldn't know any of them".

i was pissed. really pissed. i stopped making plans to hang out with him, but to my surprise so did he. we stopped chatting daily, and the last time we spoke was april of last year. i sent him a final message in may trying to spark another conversation but he never replied. so i gave up. i stopped talking to him.

then i realized the pattern of me growing extremely close with someone only to ghost them. i know T basically ghosted me but i also stopped putting in the effort so i feel i still hold some of the blame. even when i last saw T in person i avoided him like the plague, and i just pray that if we do see each other again he does NOT recognize me.

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole