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#i cannot express how badly i wish it were safe to like. do that again
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really feeling the choral-singing-shaped hole in my heart tonight
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wumiings · 1 year
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You ever start making a post and then realize you need to be making a completely different post? Well this is that.
I know that many many people have already discussed the ways in which the lessons Merlin is taught by both Gaius and Kilgharrah (that [1] it’s his job to prove there can be Good Wizards and [2] a Good Wizard is defined by their willingness to maintain the status quo) fuck him up badly and lead to him preaching those same lessons at other righteously angry magic users
But I just get angrier and angrier the more I think about it because I’ve seen what that rhetoric does to people!! I’ve lived it!!
I remember the quiet shame my father (a black man) expressed when we talked about Will Smith hitting Chris Rock at the Oscars last year - the look on his face as he guiltily explained, “It’s not that I think it’s his responsibility to represent us all in front of the white folks exactly… it’s just that I wish that the first time someone struck someone else at this awards show, it hadn’t been a black man who did it.”
He knew on a logical level that a man’s actions (whatever you think of them) couldn’t be weighed morally on the basis of ‘how it makes us look,’ but he was raised to keep that idea constantly in mind: “Every time you step out of the house, you are representing your race to the world, so don’t do anything that reinforces negative stereotypes,” is one of the first lessons he remembers learning as a child.
And I do it too! Two years ago, my dad and I got pulled over while driving my (white) mom’s car downtown- one of her taillights was out or something idk- and for some reason her vehicle registration papers weren’t in the glove box that day. Naturally, dad and I were both freaking the fuck out, so I did exactly what all logic suggested was the safest thing to do:
[1] Emphasize that it was my mother’s car (hoping the clearly-skeptical cop would extrapolate her whiteness from the difference in my and my dad’s skin tones), [2] mention that my mom works at the local hospital, while my dad was out of town and would be Leaving Soon, [3] specifically refer to the fact that I’m a college student (educated and therefore Civilized according to the standards of the dominant class)
So, yeah, basically the message was “It’s okay, we are Assimilated! We have connections to Whiteness! And if you still don’t trust us, don’t worry, because we don’t intend to overstay our welcome in your community!”
And it fucking worked. We got out of there with a ticket and matching anxiety attacks, and my dad refused to drive my mom’s car again for the rest of his visit, and we were fine.
But we weren’t fine because we’d somehow- by playing the game- convinced the cop that black people weren’t as untrustworthy as he had been assuming. We did not leave him just a little less racist than he had been before. We were just (very tentatively) stamped “some of the good ones”.
That is what Gaius and (increasingly over time) Merlin spend the whole show doing. That is what Merlin tries to teach Gilli to do in “The Sorcerer’s Shadow”. And, hey, it’s a survival strategy! It isn’t unreasonable as a member of a minority group to try and keep yourself and your loved ones safe.
But what it isn’t is an action plan for systemic change. You cannot “one of the good ones” your way into a more equal world. It isn’t about getting enough cops knights to like you personally that they willingly abandon their prejudices and convince the head of government to change the laws.
“Maybe it’s your destiny to change that” my ass, Kilgharrah. It was a bullshit plan. It was always a bullshit plan, and Merlin’s initial instincts (seek out allies in similarly disadvantaged positions and then break the shit out of the law for them) were much more in line with the ‘Emrys, liberator of magic’ persona than any of the shit you and Gaius told him to do.
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truethoughtsofamom · 1 year
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I thought...I thought we weren't acting like this anymore. But he's going out of town, leaving me with the kids, and we got into a fight. He wanted to fight. And I took the bait. I took the fucking bait like an idiot. Making me feel like I'm the bad guy for expressing a need and a want. We are back to this. And I am deeply disappointed.
I was hopeful in us. I really was. I thought we were communicating better and getting through hard moments. And now I felt like I did 6 months ago. Shamed for feeling a certain way, berated for having needs and feelings, and back to the feeling that I need to leave. Almost a year in therapy, and I am seeing that how he treated me was not okay and that it is toxic and I am better than that. I have needs and that doesn't make me selfish. He has needs and that doesn't make him selfish. But not communicating them to me and expecting me to know - that is selfish. He's turned back into a monster since working. Not even a month back. He's not engaged with us - the boys especially. Instead mocking me about checking on our child, who cannot stop getting sick.
I didn't say what happened but I finally admitted that I don't drink because of a traumatic event. I don't drink because he beat me senseless when the last time we got shitfaced drunk. The door is broken from when he bruised my knees so badly that it still hurts to cross them to put socks on. My brain, my train of thought hasn't been the same since. I haven't been okay since that night. He thought it was a fight between himself and his six year old son. No. It broke because he beat me a year and a half ago. Because that's when I stopped trusting him. In my most vulnerable state - he went after me. I wasn't safe. I will never be safe with him.
He yells at me and blames me for not trusting him. For holding him back. I've taken it and taken it and held in the reaction to run for years and years, but it's my fault right? I make him react this way. I control him. I am always pissed off about something. He's tired of this. He's so fucking tired of this. I mistreat him. Yeah. Sure.
He's pulled a gun on me. Holding our oldest son. He shut me out, gaslit me, made me feel crazy. Want to know the real reason I won't have another child? He has physically hurt me every. single. pregnancy. My firstborn is anxious and afraid because of the abuse when I was pregnant with him. Our middle child, dead, - he slammed my head into a wall and pushed me down. Our youngest - he choked me, slammed me into a wall. My oldest has admitted that Daddy isnt nice to Mommy sometimes. I can't go through a pregnancy and postpartum again.
If I am vulnerable - I am in danger.
He's sorry now. But when will it happen again? It's a matter of time. Time is ticking.
I don't need to go every Saturday. We don't need to be together all the time? You got your wish. I'll take the boys home and build a family with them. They'll remember me doing that when they're older. They will remember all these things. I'll put up my space. That dream is dead. He killed that tonight and showed me I need to save everything for myself and the boys. I'm strong, I'm healthy, and I am not perfect, but none of us are and that's okay.
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Draw your swords, pt. 7
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Summary: In order to win, she might have to lose.
Warnings: angst, swearing, bit of fluff, sexual content
Part one // Part two // Part three // Part four // Part five // Part six  
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Waking up to skies lit by the wintry sun is what Y/N expected. In the back of her mind, she remembers opening her eyes. Perhaps it’s her mind playing tricks on her, but she could swear she heard Aleksander’s voice softly speaking to her. 
Telling dreams from reality felt like an impossible task, but if it were a dream, would she really dream of him?
Death never crossed her mind. She was a soldier in an expendable army for most of her life, yet she never feared death. There was never a lingering sense of what if when they asked her if she believed in life after death, but she wondered now. Looking death in the eye had forced a realization upon her – she would die and achieve nothing. She married arguably the most powerful man in all of Ravka and she failed to utilize it. In the end, her name would be forgotten in history for her plans would all die with her.
Inhaling sharply, she wanted to open her eyes. A heaviness settles on her eyelids, making her groan. Her entire body felt dismantled, every nerve bare, inflicting pain.
“It’s alright”, a hand pressed to her forehead and Y/N frowns. Breathing heavily, she felt vulnerable, exposed.
Swallowing thickly, her eyes flutter open. With blurry vision, she looked up at the dark presence looming above her. Blinking fast, her lips part and before she can ask, cool liquid runs down her parched throat.
Taking a deep breath, her eyes closed again. She needed a moment to collect herself, to stop the world from spinning.
“It hurts”, she mumbles meekly.
“Shhh”, his voice reaches her. “I’m here”, she feels a gentle squeeze of his hand, “You’re safe.”
Resisting sleep, she opened her eyes once more. The sight of his tormented gaze leaves her nearly breathless. He’s still handsome, but it looks as if he’s aged ten years in just a few days.
“What happened?” Her voice is hoarse, still raspy from thirst and sleep.
“You’ve been in and out of consciousness for a week”, his forehead wrinkles, “We’ve just made it back.”
Despite the little voice in his head, the Darkling held onto his wife throughout the night. He kept her close to his chest, running his fingers through her hair. She was exhausted, injured so badly he could hear the strain her body was under with every breath she took.
Her eyes remained closed, her lips slightly parted and his pressed in a thin line. Absurd. It was absurd to think that someone like that – so delicate, so fragile, could have any power over him. It baffles him just how quickly he found himself attached to this woman who was unremarkable in every possible way – or so he told himself.
Truth be told, he couldn’t take his eyes off her since he first saw her. She radiates genuine beauty few possess, a confidence he’s never found in anyone in hundreds of years, and an air of mystery he couldn’t quite understand.
By the time morning light reached their tent, the Darkling just stared at her with care, studying every inch of her face as if it could be the last time he’ll ever be given a chance. He memorized the way she fit in his embrace, the rhythm of her beating heart in the dead of night and every labored breath as it threatened his sanity.
Anger was his best friend for so long, his shield against humanity, but his anger wasn’t all-consuming as it once was – it was directed to those who caused the swelling around her eyes and cuts across her cheekbones.
“General”, Ivan’s head peaked inside the tent only to swiftly disappear once he caught sight of a moment he was sure wasn’t meant for his eyes.
Rolling his eyes, the Darkling gently laid her head down. Caressing her cheek, he let a heavy sigh pass his lips. It’s been too long since he last felt so defenseless and helpless as he did now. He promised himself he’d never feel that way again and yet he found himself in the same cursed whirlwind of emotions as he was in when the fold came to be.
Biting his lower lip, he pushed it all down. If he’s distraught, his people would know. He cannot be emotional and still lead an army. He has to be strong – for Grisha and for Y/N.
“Ivan, we’ll have to find a healer soon”, Kirigan spoke in a hushed tone. Glancing at the tent, he felt a lump growing at the back of his throat. “I believe she’s developed a fever too.”
“Fedyor can try to cool her temperature”, Ivan offers, “He’ll slow her heart and keep her breathing. I’ll trade with him if necessary.”
Nodding, the general was satisfied with Ivan’s solution. For once, Ivan didn’t question why he wanted to protect her. This time, he was offered aid rather than words of discouragement.
“I’ll have to leave some of our own here”, Kirigan looks at the direction they came from. “The Fjerdans came too close and I need to know why. Why would they take my wife?”
Ivan lowers his voice, making sure he doesn’t wake up Y/N, “Perhaps it was a coincidence.”
“I don’t believe in coincidences. Not when her safety is at stake.”
Nodding, Ivan glances at Fedyor. He’d be the same if anyone touched his beloved. Suppressing a smile, Ivan finally realized it – no matter how vehemently the general denies it, his heart is no longer his.
“What are the orders? I’ll make the necessary arrangements.”
“Take back what they took, place their heads on a stake and wait. More should come soon and when they do, I want to know why they came so close to Little Palace and who ordered them to take my wife.”
Squinting, not in anger but to see him better, Y/N frowns, “A week?”
“Winter made it hard for us to move faster and you were in no shape to ride back.”
Letting out a shaky breath of air, she raised an eyebrow, “So you carried me?”
“Ivan and Fedyor kept you alive too.”
Wetting her chapped lips, she hesitated. Her fingers burned, itching to touch him, to intertwine with his.
“A healer should be here any minute now”, Aleksander informed, pulling his hand out of hers as if he could sense her inner battles and decided to help her by removing himself from it entirely.
“No”, she decided.
Standing abruptly, his jaw clenched. Despite his stern expression, his eyes hold all the sadness in the world, pleading eyes that both threaten and adore.
“No?” He repeats with disdain, “What do you mean by no?”
Holding her breath, she endures a sharp pain in her ribcage as she propped herself up on her elbows. Breathing heavily, she directed her determined gaze on him. “I’m human, am I not?”
Squinting at her, his lips part, “And?”
Struggling to prevent herself from laughing at the way he looked at her now, Y/N raised an eyebrow. “Humans aren’t allowed aid of a healer. We go to the medics.”
“You’re my wife”, he remarks almost instantaneously, slightly wishing she remained unconscious for a while longer. If she slept, the healer would have done their job and there would be no argument. There was no doubt about it, their truce was over.
“But I’m still a human. The rest of my kind don’t have the privilege of being married to you.” Her voice is stern, low and frustratingly righteous.
“You need a healer or you might not survive”, Aleksander insisted.
“Then let me die.” She stared at him, no signs of crumbling and it made him feel like he’s drowning.
Rubbing his forehead, the Darkling shut his eyes in frustration. After all the sleepless nights, his head felt like it would implode. All he had on his mind was her safety and now when he brought her home, she refused help.
“What do you want?”
Knitting her eyebrows, she glanced at his jaw as it clenched. “What?”
Her voice is higher, almost confused but he knew better than that. “I’ve known you for almost two months.” Two months too long, he thought. “I know when you’re trying to extort me.”
Covering her mouth, Y/N suppressed a laugh. Truth be told, it’s exactly what she’s doing, she just didn’t expect him to cave so quickly.
“Healers for the First army”, her lips twitch. Pursing her lips, she bites the soft flesh on the inside of her mouth to stop herself from smiling at all costs.
“No”, he spoke through gritted teeth.
Shrugging, she laid back down. “Alright then. I only regret I won’t be here to hear you explain my death to the Tsar and my father.”
Growling under his breath, he swipes his hand down his face. “One healer.”
“Two”, she argued, sitting up with a pained expression on her face.
“We can’t spare two”, the Darkling crosses his arms, his eyes darker than ever before.
Lifting her chin in defiance, she narrowed her eyes at her husband. “Two healers or no deal.”
Releasing a long, heavy breath in frustration, the Darkling felt his insides turn. “Two healers but only for those who can’t get better with a week long rest on their own.”
“Two healers for those who can’t get better in a few days of rest AND the same amount of food and water for the First army.”
Running a hand through his hair, the general’s nostrils flare. Cracking his neck to the left, to the right, he turned his death glare back on his wife. “Food and water are limited for Grisha as well.”
“I saw them eat grapes”, Y/N deadpans. “You have enough, so share. If the First army dies out, who will protect your precious Grisha?”
Folding her hands in her lap, she maintained eye contact with the general who refused to blink. He stared back at her, aghast. The woman was impossible! She made every word that passed her lips a contest of wills.
His jaw set, he moved closer to stand before her. He looked formidable with the relentless, firm pools of black ink for eyes devouring her with intensity, too hard in comparison to what she had seen in the tent. He looked like he could kill her without even putting a hand on her…something she still expected him to do.
What was stopping him? She was far behind enemy lines, no reinforcements and she saw what he can do – he could kill everyone who stood in his way.
“Fine”, he huffs. “Under one condition.”
Rolling her eyes, she nods, “What is it?”
“I want a kiss.”
Her eyes flashed to his. Ringed with golden bruises, she was still alluring – like a wildfire or a storm. No…she is wildfire, a storm. She is deadly and uncontrollable and slightly out of her wits and he’s asking her to be his ruination. It isn’t love, he tells himself, it’s obsession.
Raising her eyebrows, Y/N didn’t bother hiding her surprise. A kiss? Of all the things he could have asked, the big bad general who can summon shadows is asking for a kiss?
A part of her trusted Aleksander and that trust demanded intimacy. She wanted his hands on her – in her hair, his lips on her neck. She longed to be vulnerable and that’s what worried her. Trusting him, needing him, it’s bound to breed love and self-inflicted madness. If it were anything else, she would outright refuse him, but she has so many lives dependent on her answer.
“Tonight”, she decided. If her own sanity is the price to pay, she will do what she has to do.
Nodding, the Darkling retreated. Leaving the room, he opened the door for the healer to enter. Sparing her a quick look, he swallowed thickly as the thought of her willingly kissing him made his heart slam into the rib cage. Even his heart wanted to escape him as it too longed for her hands’ touch.
He didn’t make more than two steps outside the room when a Grisha joined him - one of his many spies.
“What do you have for me?”
The spy beckons him to the side, looking around wildly. “This could change everything.”
“What is it?” The Darkling speaks through gritted teeth, demanding an answer.
“There is talk”, the spy pauses, “Of a Sun Summoner.”
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Healed, bathed and properly fed, Y/N had paced their room in anticipation of his arrival. She had seen the look in his eyes earlier that day – something between them has changed.
As the door opens, her breath halts inside her throat.
“I thought you were lost”, Genya admitted. “When they found your mare, I lost hope.”
Smiling, Y/N cupped her cheek. “I did too”, she sniffled.
The Darkling felt, more than saw, her presence as he entered the room. He turned slowly, his breath held. Her hair looked darker in the candlelight, its rich color gleaming against the green velvet of fresh sheets on the bed she leaned against. He could hardly speak. The nearness of her, the quiet room, the candlelight made him question the reality of what he was looking at.
“You look better”, Aleksander managed a curt smile, looking at Y/N and her attire. The sheer nightdress she wore was back, perfectly outlining her figure.
“Why did they take you?” Genya asked, unshead tears weighing heavily on her eyes. “Did they know?”
“No”, Y/N shakes her head, “But they found out.”
“How?”
“It doesn’t matter. Kirigan killed them all.” Y/N glanced at the door where she expected her husband to appear later on.
Chewing on her bottom lip, Y/N felt her heart flip. “It helped me realize something.”
Frowning, Genya waited for Y/N to explain.
“Your General does have a heart”, she states. His request for a kiss lingered in every thought her mind could concoct.
She stared at him then slowly untied the belt of her robe and it glided languidly over her smooth skin, falling to her feet.
His gaze roamed over her as if he is unable to fully comprehend her beauty. Only when he looked back at her eyes did he see she was troubled. 
“Of course he does”, Genya chuckles, “He was most worried when you were taken. He promised he’d kill them all and bathe in their blood.”
“I think I can use that.”
Knitting her eyebrows, Genya’s frown deepened. “How?”
Pressing her lips, Y/N sighed. “In order for me to win”, she paused, “He needs to believe he did.”
“Husband”, she spoke clearly. She feigned confidence, but inside she quivered.
She had barely finished the syllable when she was in his arms, being carried to their bed, his lips already fastened to hers. She felt his lips hit hers like a tornado, his admission of burning the world in her name spinning in her head. It could have been a fever dream, but she would bet her life it wasn’t.
Holding her chin in place, he rested his forehead on hers, heaving from the kiss. She couldn’t open her eyes, clinging to him for dear life, but even with eyes closed, Y/N could hear the emotions thick in his voice.
“I don’t want to do anything you’re not willing.” He whispered against his lips, all too prepared for his hands to roam her body now.
Y/N was afraid of herself as well as of him. He could sense it as he kissed her. He’d waited a long time for her to come to him and now it seems she was more than ready to give herself to him without his talk of her marital duty.
He expected anything but to find her with her arms wide open.  But even now, as he held her, he felt no great sense of triumph.
Pulling the sheet over her, he stood. “I can wait.”
The sheet accented her shoulders and the full swelling of her breasts. The candlelight deepened the shadow above the sheet. Her bare throat pulsed with life. Her face was set in a firm, serious expression that caused her eyes to darken. Her lips were hard, as if carved of marble and he ached to part them into a smile.
Turning away, he began undressing himself for bed, wondering how he could survive a night beside her if she remains as she is now.
She averts her gaze, whispering under her breath in confusion, “Wait?”
He laid beside her, barely dressed at all. She found herself achingly aware of his presence. The only light in the room was from the flames of candles she placed across the room. The light danced on her hair, played with the shadows of her delicate collarbones. At this moment, he remembered nothing of the arrangement their marriage was meant to be. He knew only that he was in bed with a desirable woman, one he never expected to claim. She seemed too headstrong to ever give into his charm, yet she bared herself before him and he couldn’t take advantage of her.
“Why don’t you want me?” She sat up, glaring at him. She let the sheet fall as his eyes met hers, bravely fixing him with her fiery gaze.
Rolling his eyes, he looks away. How can she torment him like this with no shame?
If anything, he felt like she’s attacking him. “I don’t want to hear about how a demon took you by force for the rest of my life.”
“It’s not force if I’m giving myself willingly, is it?” She raised an eyebrow, deciding on a tactic finally. Aleksander is a general, a conqueror at heart and she saw the desire in his eyes. If there was any hope of her plan to work, she had to harness his desire to convince him he won.
Licking his lips as he cracked a smile, Aleksander nodded in surprise, unable to keep his eyes from wandering lower to her breasts. “You’re full of surprises, aren’t you?” He wanted to possess her, to claim this difficult, headstrong woman for himself. His mouth came down brutally hard on hers, claiming them, nearly bruising them.
Y/N fumbled with the sheet that wrapped around her, making Aleksander chuckle into the kiss.
“Let me help you,” Aleksander purred and tore the sheet away, pulling it from under the mattress.
Wrapping his hand around Y/N’s neck, his grip was oddly weak, gentle even. She laid nude before him, his gaze fixed on her. He stared at her in wonder; her full breasts, curvy waist, round hips. Then he looked back at her face, her eyes blazing. Her lips were reddened from his kiss, and suddenly there was no power on earth that could stop him from taking her.
“You make me feel”, he pauses in anguish, “You make me feel”, he said quietly, fiercely, “And I don’t like it. I want it to stop. Now.”
He pushed her into the mattress and Y/N saw the ruthless general in his eyes and for a moment she feared it. A general isn’t gentle at all, not like Aleksander could be. She feared the pain he’d cause and the tears that would follow. She feared what he’d do to her, but then the fear she felt dissipated as he spoke against her lips.
“I’ll go slowly.” Aleksander stopped himself, remembering she’s never had a man in her bed before and once he saw the fear in her eyes extinguish the flame he already adored, he reeled himself in.
“Your hands are bloody from murder”, she paused, “But I trust them completely.” Her voice had never been smaller, her hands never as desperate as she clung to him. She wanted to trust the sudden, overwhelming warmth in his unrelentingly tender gaze, but she still awaited the pain that was yet to come. He moved on top of her, his lips attaching to her neck gently as he pressed a kiss above her pulsating carotid, knowing she’s nervous as he felt the pace of her pulse.
With one thigh, Aleksander parted hers. He kissed her again, passionate and slow, distracting her as his hand moves lower, down to the intimate parts she never allowed another only man to see, to feel. Slipping his finger between her folds, he found if applied enough pressure a desperate moan escapes her without a fail. He feels her breathing change as he begins to rub circles, her thighs trying to push against his in a need of more friction. And that’s when control escapes her and she closes her eyes completely, letting the pleasure take over.
Unable to wait any longer, Aleksander pushed the head of his hardened length between the folds, feeling her wetness pooling over as nature’s lubricant. Feeling the membrane, he stops for a moment. Looking at her carefully for any signs of distress, he wonders if she even realizes what is about to happen.
“Do you want this?” He asks again, fearing she may change her mind.
Gripping his arm, she nods. “Yes”, she replies, breathless.
Pressing himself inside, he bows his head in the crook of her neck, growling lowly in pleasure. It’s not the first virgin he had, but it’s the first one that made him want to come on the first thrust.
“Go on.” She encourages him, surprising them both. Swallowing thickly, she sinks her nails into his back, anticipating the next thrust. It would be a lie if she said she wasn’t in pain, but she knew it would get easier as he moves again and she would feel the pleasure again – and she wanted the pleasure more than the pain.
Nodding, Aleksander starts moving in and out slowly, refusing to risk her pain for a little more pleasure he’d find in speed and his untimely release. Instead, he’s using deep, slow strokes with a relentless care for the nerve bundle between her folds. Every passing second draws louder moans from her until he feels her clench around him, his own mind blackening as he feels himself nearing the edge. She’s holding him so tightly to her body, so desperately as she unravels beneath him. Picking up pace, he finally loses control, jerking his hips to meet hers in a deep thrust only to finish deep inside her, allowing them both to breathe.
Rolling off her, Aleksander decided to stay quiet, allowing her to have control of the moment. If she wants his embrace, he’d do it for her and if she wants to talk, he’d talk to her, otherwise, he’d just sleep. It’s been so long since he truly slept – since the day they went for that ride.
He placed an arm around her for comfort alone, not pressing himself closer than necessary, closing his eyes once he realizes she’s not interested in him at all after she came down from her high.
Waiting for a few minutes, Y/N pretended to sleep. After the hurricane of emotions he’d given her, Y/N didn’t know how to feel. She wanted to relax, to sleep in bliss, but a part of her ached. She ached for who she used to be. Would her father hate her for what she just did? Would her people denounce her for sleeping with the enemy?
Her eyes opened wide, finding his are still closed. Lips quivering, she felt herself crumble as tears fled her eyes. She watched his sleeping figure and sighed deeply, telling herself to stop crying. She was supposed to be in control of him, to make him want her and crave her, yet she found it was the opposite. She didn’t love him, but she did feel a connection…perhaps it’s the kindness he showed her when he rescued her or the pleasure he had given her, but something inside her changed and the heart she hardened on purpose found a soft spot for the general.
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Part 8
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damselofblueroses · 3 years
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Bambi, Ch. 2, Ghost
You are my Bambi, girl, I am your candy, tell me what are you waiting for?
Summary: As an archaeologist who works on the Ancient Greece, you were on the verge of excavations’ session. While you have been preparing your team, you learned that your institute decided on your team has to work with another team as they wanted the outcome as a collaboration. The head of other team was your biggest rival, a scumbag in your eyes: Byun Baekhyun.
You two were supposed to work together for three months, in a Greek Island, Chios.
Could you manage to not kill Byun Baekhyun for three months?
Chapter Summary: Byun Baekhyun and the Reader remember the day they spent in UN Village together while they are heading to Chios. (Guys, this chapter, which is dedicated to the beginning of their relationship, is going to be two parts, otherwise it is going to be more than 20k lol)
Word Count: 11k
Content: AU, heavily Greek mythology, enemies to lovers.
Warnings: Well, the story contains NSFW/Smut, please minors do not continue.
Note: This story will be 7 or 8 chapters if I will not change my mind in the meantime. It is inspired by my major; however, I do not have a complete knowledge on archaeology, I am a historian. If I will make a technical mistake, please let me know. I am willing to receive any kind of feedback; you are more than welcomed to drop a message.
Series Masterlist
Chapter 2: Ghost
5 years ago, Hannam-dong
Even if I want you so much it drives me crazy
You ghost
Even if I want and call for you all night long
You came to me and left without a word
You ghost, you ghost
You want to go crazy all night, you plead
You ghost
You disappeared again without a trace
“What type of sadistic and sick person could say that we have to work here?” you cursed between your teeth, you jaw clenched because of pure anger. “How do they expect us to do our job in the middle of fucking super-ultra-rich people?”
“Get used to it.” Junmyeon flinched your forehead, but his frustration was oblivious, even though he was doing definitely better than you. “Where is Baekhyun?”
“I do not know.” you recklessly pointed to the expensive cars on the road. “Maybe he was looking for a sugar mommy.”
“As your sunbae,” Minseok hit you. “I would like to remind you to hold on your manners.”
“Someone has to give a speech on manners to him.” your eyebrows knitted together. “Not to me.”
“Both of you,” Kyungsoo nonchalantly spoke. “need a really good beaten session, since both of you have no idea on how to behave.”
You threw the book you were holding to Kyungsoo, but he was too quick and easily saved himself from your unexpected attack.
“I am here, right?” you hissed. “Where the heck is that bastard? He always disappears when it comes to work, why do you hold me in the same esteem with him?”
“Because you are definitely a copy of Baekhyun.” Chanyeol laughed at your god-fucking-damn-it-so-horrible face expression. “Let’s face with the fact, Indy. Everyone knows that Baekhyun is a disciplined student, just as you are, badmouthed, just as you are.”
“Are you talking about me?” Baekhyun popped out of nowhere. “I heard you are praising me less than the way I deserve.”
Your face could be described as disgusted, but this would be the kindest way of telling how your appearance was. Actually, you wanted to punch his narcissistic self-perspective, to shake his cage in order to give him the lesson he deserved, but you did not want to be scolded by Junmyeon again. You just walked away from him, needing to put a safe distance between yourself and Baekhyun.
God, if you could run away to space, you would do it in order to not infuse with the same air with Baekhyun.
You disliked him, you disliked the way of his well-being, you disliked his velvety voice, his lame jokes, his sharp remarks, you disliked everything about Byun Baekhyun.
And you hated yourself because of finding him very handsome. Sometimes, you caught yourself, staring at Baekhyun, forgetting how to breath properly. His face was like a gift of God himself; his body ratio made you to say oh-my-fucking-god.
Thank God, he had the most annoying character, because if he had a good personality, you knew that you would fall in love over the heels with him.
“What kind of idiot chained us here?” Baekhyun asked to Junmyeon. “Fuck’s sake, what the heck we are going to here? Digging beneath the Richie riches’ villas?”
Chanyeol bite his lips before looking at you, silently reminding your own words and his remarks about being very same with Baekhyun. You did not back off, staring at Chanyeol with all frustration went through your veins, causing Chanyeol to laugh. Baekhyun hit his head, then walked towards Junmyeon to take his own tool bag.
You hated him for this, too. He was acting like he was a superior, like he was better than any of you, and what got your nerves badly was no one scold him as they would scold you if you would do the same things.
“Yeah, I am like this scumbag who does not carry even his own stuff, huh?” you literally sizzled between your teeth, Chanyeol and Kyungsoo heard your annoyed voice, but they preferred to keep their silence. Your hate was not a secret for the team, everyone was aware of the fact that putting you and Baekhyun was a dangerous decision since he also loathed you.
But to your dismays, you were the brightest students Sejong could always play on.
“Seriously what we are going to do?” Baekhyun repeated his question because he really did not have a single clue.
“Didn’t you read the mail Sejong sent us?” Jongdae asked him, raising one eyebrow. Baekhyun shrugged his shoulder, you bit your lower lip in order keep your frustration under your control. What a bastard!
“We have to visit UN Village, there are seven neighbourhood where we have to go and collect the permissions of the residents.” Junmyeon run his hand through his hair. He was already on the verge of cracking since he was the one who had to deal with a lot of capricious upper-class members in order to complete this fucking task. He wished nothing but changing his path, he started to think like the field was not his cup of tea, but before resigning from leadership, he wanted to find a good candidate who could lead the team.
He wanted you to be that leader. You and Baekhyun. Heretofore, Junmyeon laid his eyes on both of you and your abilities persuaded him to nominate your names when he could propose an election. He did not want to be a fieldperson, he wished to stay in his office, but at the same time, he could not inherit his legacy, Godfuckingdamnit Junmyeon’s did his best in order to engrave his name as one of the most successful captains, to anyone but the best. Yet, Junmyeon had no idea how to put you in good terms, since you were like a cat and dog, and Chanyeol, that giant idiot, used every opportunity to fan the flames, even that silent Kyungsoo enjoyed watching intangible scuffles between you and Baekhyun.
Junmyeon has been sensing that the team was becoming aware of the situation and camping as two different poles. Jongdae, Shinhye and Minseok were setting off closer to you while Chanyeol, Kyungsoo and the newbie, Jongin have been shifting to Baekhyun’s side. Damn, Junmyeon could not let it to be happen. He needed all of you under the same umbrella, especially you and Baekhyun had to stay together. He was seeing a great potential of you, if you could combine your powers, you were going to be the perfect team. Period.
“Let’s split into teams.” his eyes wandered around all of you. “We are eight, if we can divide ourselves into four teams, we will finish the job easier and quicker.”
“Yeah, you are right.” Kyungsoo approved. “I am going to take Chanyeol.”
“Are you my superior, dumbass?” Chanyeol hit his shoulder, but he was laughing. “I am with Kyungsoo.”
“Good.” Junmyeon inhaled. “Shinhye, you are with Jongdae.”
You automatically stirred next to Minseok, however you shuttered after hearing Junmyeon’s next orders.
“Indy, you and Baekhyun are together, Minseok, let’s go.”
“What?!” you immediately stopped and hissed at Junmyeon. “Am I with who?”
Jongdae realized the storm before seeing the clouds, clever as always, he disappeared while dragging Shinhye with him. You even did not notice, but Chanyeol’s smile widened, Kyungsoo smirked, and they rushed to their own direction.
Only four of you were standing on the pavement, you were throwing daggers to Junmyeon with your eyes. Baekhyun was nonchalantly looking at Junmyeon, while Minseok could not find a way to break the tension.
Junmyeon was cool as a cucumber.
“You are with Baekhyun.” he repeated his words, sounding like he was condemning you with execution. “What? Do you have a rejection?”
“Yes!” you exploded without thinking. “Why shou-
“Believe me,” Baekhyun interrupted your words, he was indifferent to your frustration. “I did not beg for being in the same team with you.”
“Did I claim that?” you swiftly turned on your tiptoes. “Did I say you are eager to be with me?”
“It would be the greatest joke you could make.” Baekhyun winked to you. “But you are not so into the entertainment, right?”
“Baekhyun,” Minseok noisily cleared his throat. “I am not sur-
“What do you know about me?” you heard your own voice. “This is why we cannot work together, you always make assumptions out of your ass, instead I work as organized, with the facts and tangible proofs.”
“What do you know about me?” Baekhyun coldly smiled at you, you could not describe its impacts on you, that smile had you wanting to punch him at the same time ignited some fires in your lower stomach. “We barely talk, have you been watching me all the time?”
“You wish.” you took a deep breath. “You are not worth my time.”
“Oh,” his eyes glimmered with a menacing luminescence. “I am deeply wounded.”
“If you are done,” Junmyeon raised his hands to the air. “We have to work.”
“Jun-
“Young lady,” Baekhyun barged on. “They did not teach you this, so it’s up to me but we are not in kindergarten anymore.”
You had to admit, no one could get your nerves till now like Baekhyun did.
You had to admit, you hated being called as a kid. Junmyeon’s eyes blown up when Baekhyun labelled you as a kid, before he could open his mouth, you stared at Baekhyun.
“I can see why we could be a team.” you took the directional instructions from Junmyeon’s hand. “A kindergarten kid has to take care of a cry baby while the adults have to work.”
Baekhyun’s eyebrows furrowed, but you wholly ignored his visible annoyance, and started to walk. Junmyeon was looking at your back with a little bit concerned face, but he knew that he did what he had to do.
You were going to scold Junmyeon in the following hours of the day, however, now your job was teaching a couple of lessons on manners to this scumbag who has been walking beside you.
You spent the first hour in a total silence, talking only if the occasion called for it. The tension between you and Baekhyun was solid, someone could cut it with a knife without any problem. Baekhyun was bored to death, he never plan to have a day like this, he wanted to enjoy everything he did, he thought he could be with Chanyeol or Kyungsoo, having fun to death.
Instead, he was trapped with you.
The only girl he loathed to the bits.
He could not endure to hear your voice, even though you talked with the residents very kindly and respectfully. He had to admit that you were doing a good job, but it did not change anything he felt for you. He had been cursing Junmyeon since he put you two in the same task, however, he knew that if Junmyeon wanted something from Baekhyun, he would do it without question. Baekhyun could be many things, but he was loyal to his friends, and Junmyeon had a special place in his heart.
Also, behind the curtains of his hate, he could see why Junmyeon gave you to him. Although you were an abominable bitch, an obnoxious creature, a walking blasphemy, and a hate crime, Baekhyun did not think you could be an offspring of a lovely or healthy relationship, he was sure your parents were diabolical beasts, to his disappointment, you were reallyclever.
He wished you could be more reliable person, so he could work with you.
Baekhyun did not like to confess, yet he was aware of the fact that he desperately needed his own Evelyn O’Connor. Someone who could play the game with him, as his trustable partner in crime. He was extremely close to Chanyeol and Kyungsoo, but they were not equal to his wits and ambitions. Sometimes he was brassed off the conversations, time to time he found them boring and lame. His logic was faster than his mates, actually he was longing for nothing, but someone was equal to his high-speed brain.
You could be the one he was searching for, but you were made of poison, greed, and wickedness. Even if he would be blessed by the Heavens, he could not agree to work someone with you.
“Your Highness,” he heard your fucking voice. “We have to visit at least twelve houses more; do you mind hurrying up?”
“The only thing I mind is your fucking attitude.” he gritted his teeth. “Give the plan to me.”
“So, you can destroy everything I organized properly?” you smirked. “I do not think so.”
“Organized?” Baekhyun cocked his eyebrow. “Organized, my ass. Didn’t you lose Park Sangwan’s house? Twice?”
“Look who is talking.” the red of embarrassment slightly painted your cheeks and ears. “The one who had no idea about today’s plans.”
“At least I did not lose my fucking way and circled around the same house almost for half an hour.”
“And the award goes to Byun Baekhyun for his greatest achievements.” you gave back the wink to him, grinning like a Cheshire cat. “Oh, breaking news. No achievement no award.”
Baekhyun took it personally since you two competed to each other as the finalists of last academic year. Your project was accepted as the winner while Baekhyun received only a certificate. You hit the lotto, he had to watch you, walking to the stage with a bright smile tugged on your lips.
Still, he could vividly remember the little smirk you gave to him that night when they announced your name.
“You did it consciously.” his jaw clenched. “That night. When they called you as the winner. You immediately turned to me just to annoy me.”
“It seems, I achieve my goal.” your smirk widened, a glistening layer of fun covered your face. “Were you disappointed?”
“Yeah, of course.” he did not miss a single second. “I was disappointed of the professors, I was believing they were cleverer than me, but their choice showed me they were nothing but idiots.”
“Could you smell the air, Baekhyun?” you asked with a serious face. He was confused for a second, you never ask a question to him or call him by his name, but before he could register, you tucked the words in his throat. “Oh, jealousy, my favourite.”
“Darling,” Baekhyun swallowed hard. “There is no single living soul who can be low enough to jealous you in this universe.”
That was not quite truth, because Baekhyun not only remembered your revengeful smile but also how you were looking like that day. He could paint you on canvas by closed eyes, and he would not miss a single detail.
And he was a little bit jealous on that day. Not only because he lost over to you, but also because of the people around you. You annoyed him not only with your award, but also with your closeness to the other men.
Despite of your usual oversize clothes or no makeup policy, you chose to present yourself in a different style. Your hair was perfectly combed, your makeup highlighted your face features, and you were wearing a little light blue dress which tightly caressed your body. Baekhyun, or none of your classmates knew that you had curves for example till that night and to Baekhyun’s dismay, you had a really good body. You were a minion, your beauty was very soft and although he really hated to admit this, you were a view for the spectators. Maybe not the prettiest, but you had something had people looking at you, liking you, desiring you.
You had an aura which was enough to make your biggest enemy to silently acknowledged that you were attractive.
“Maybe, there is no one.” you shrugged your shoulder. “But youwere eager to low yourself, huh?”
You did not forget the look on Baekhyun’s face when Professor Kim called you to the stage. You were sure as fuck, he was cursing you but also there was something else, glowing in his eyes. Something you could not describe, but you could see the same emotion in your reflection when you saw Baekhyun with that crowd of girls.
Rarely.
But still you knew that feeling.
That ceremony was hard for you, of course you were over the moon because of your achievement, that project opened you some fresh opportunities and proved that despite of being a junior, you were more than a bachelor student. You proved your talents and abilities to yourself by winning the first place, you completed a step, made your first goal come true.
And you nailed Byun Baekhyun’s coffin. It was worth of every minute you spent sleepless, your tears and sweats, the hours in library, the hours in front of the plan of Gyeongbokgung Palace and search for the most logical and safest ways of conducting an excavation around the palace.
Your ideas were chosen over Baekhyun’s ideas, and you were aware of the quality of the solutions he proposed.
You were proud of yourself.
It was the bare truth that Baekhyun’s face were singing to you just as your favourite band could sing, seeing his face just like someone fed him with cucumbers was equal to being accepted into your dream field, Chios’ excavations, as the chief archaeologist.
But you were annoyed.
You could not happily taste your success. You could not feel its flavour on your tongue buds.
Because of that bastard looked fucking magnificent in that bloody black suit.
You have been told about the dress code you had to follow, however no one, not a single soul managed to catch his level of looking good in a suit.
You were annoyed because your taste in men was exactly equal to Byun Baekhyun. He had everything you could ask for, he was devilishly charming, there was even no need for words to describe him, he was beautiful.
And he was the only one you hated the most.
Every girl in the room was drooling over him, to your dismay, just like you. You felt that feeling in your stomach, a pain which was spinning, spinning, and spinning, causing a tornado inside of your stomach.
Was it jealousy?
“I already noticed your ignorance about the feelings.” Baekhyun could not control himself anymore and grabbed your shoulder, turning you to the opposite direction. “We have to follow this fucking street, or we will be lost again.”
“Have you been observing me, Baekhyunnie? That’s so cute.” you ignored the second part of his words, just starting to walk on the direction he instructed to you.
“Observing you takes a minute, baby girl, since there is nothing to see.” he answered but he found it interesting when you called him as Baekhyunnie. “You are a spoiled brat.”
“Hop, that hurts.” you pouted, pressed your fist on your chest, faking a whimper. “Would you like to tame this spoiled brat?”
You started to think that you went nuts.
“In your dreams.” Baekhyun laughed, but he literally lost himself in the fucking possibilities you could be tamed by him. “You have to wait a couple of centuries for someone who can be willing to be with you.”
You chuckled but preferred to keep your silence after his words. Damn, your sudden quietude caught Baekhyun’s attention more. Why didn’t you not attack to him? Why didn’t you give him a sharp answer as you should have?
Why you chuckled like there was a line at your door?
Was it?
Baekhyun pondered that instead of the fact that you were generally with a small group of friends, to both of your dismays your common friends, he did not see you with strangers, so there could not a queue for your hand.
Could it be?
And why the fuck he should have care if there is a crowd for you or not? No one could want someone like you if they did not lose their mind.
But he cared. Fuck, he cared more than he wanted.
Because to his disappointment, he knew that there was a real cavalcade of knightly candidates for you.
“Okey,” you checked the time. “After this one, I am going to have lunch.”
“We are going to have lunch.” Baekhyun gritted his teeth. “I hate eating alone enough to endure your presence.”
“Didn’t you tell me there is no one who could want to be with me?” you snickered. “But you have no reservations about having lunch with me?”
“Imagine the situation I am in.” he grumbled. “The day gets better and better.”
You decided to annoy him, pushing him to the edges as much as you could do. The first response that came to your mind refusing him, but the other option was funnier. You could play with Byun Baekhyun, you could take your revenge by being a pain in the ass.
He said that he could endure your presence.
You could make him regretful of his words.
There was a very little smile tugged on your lips which you were not aware of, however, to his dismay, Baekhyun realized it.
Her lips are rosy and plump, he thought to himself. Even though he called you a spoiled brat, he was not sure of if you were a brat or not. Kiddos have not the type of lips, calling people for the kisses, like you. There was something, even during your cocky performances when you tried to beat the life out of him, although you always kept that dull and bored expression and acted like Baekhyun was not worth of your time, but there was something just in you.
Baekhyun swallowed down his own vomit when he admitted it to himself, and you have caught his glare.
“What?” you purred. “Can’t you take your eyes off me?”
“Who the hell wants to watch you?” he quickly collected his thoughts and put them in a fucking trail. “I am looking for a restaurant where we can have good food.”
After a permanent mutual ignorance session for years, his next words caught you off your guard.
“You like local foods, right?” he asked. “I guess the second shop on this street is famous for jjangmyeon and tteokbokki.”
Well, you had to admit that his questions made your brain a little bit foggy. How could he know that?
“Yeah.” for the first time in history, you did not come up with any sharp answer. “How about you?”
“As long as there is no cucumber or extremely sweet cuisine,” he started to walk. “I am fine.”
You heard that Baekhyun is really not in good terms with cucumber.
“Feel you.” you murmured in your mouth because you hated cucumbers as much as you hated Baekhyun. He swiftly look at you, you accompanied him on the street.
“We should celebrate.” he teased. “I said something, you just answered, and we did not have a fight.”
“This is a privilege for cucumbers.” you shrugged your shoulder, but you also felt that he did not buy your nonchalant tone. “I cannot stand them, mum loves it too much, I mean what type of person can love a cucumber? If I need water, I prefer to drink it.”
Your observation made him tilted his head back in that rumbling laugh of his, you were unwilling to join, but the corners of your mouth turned up slightly.
“Here we go.” He, as a gentleman, opened the door for you, you responded with the most neutral expression you could muster. “Oh, no thanks?”
“Thank you.” you rolled your eyes, however, despite of your strongly negative feelings against him, you do not like rudeness. “Sorry, that was insolence of me.”
“Your apology is fully accepted.” he winked, you hated that cocky tone, you hated yourself for falling into his trap. You passed him, went to a distanced table where it placed in the corner. You did not want to be seen as having a lunch with Baekhyun by your teammates.
Corner was fine.
“Oh, no.” he grabbed your arm, manhandled you to the tables of the center. “I will not let you escape. If they see us, let them to see.”
Your eyebrows knitted, your lips pressed to each other enough to form a thick line on your face, you could almost taste your growing anger. But at the same time, you realized that feeling his hand on your skin increased your heartbeats, you wanted to scream with self-hatred, but you bite down on your tongue as his hand quickly wandered to down, to your waist. He directed you to the most visible table from outside while you were fighting yourself in order to control your fucking pace of breathing.
Please, this could not be true, I could not be excited because of his touch, you thought.
This was not happening, what the fuck was happening?
Baekhyun was not so different from you, even though his face expression was not changed for a bit. He forced himself to take control, but it was really hard for him.
Your hate was reciprocated, right? You guys could not spend even a bloody minute in peace, the only thing you had was annoyance.
So, why you perfectly fit in his embrace just like you were made just to be under his arm?
Why Baekhyun wanted to tight his arm around your waist?
Why could you not say anything even though Baekhyun was literally holding you?
Why you felt like you were in the only place where you had to be for the rest of your days?
“Hi.” you heard the waitress who was a really beautiful girl. “Welcome to Sung’s String. How can I help you?”
Even though finishing her sentence, she begun to eye Baekhyun. You rolled your eyes and reached to the menu; to be honest, this show was not funny after seeing it for the million times. Every time, Sejong Team went outside for a drink, for a gathering or even for a museum trip, girls and sometimes boys gazing the members of Sejong Team just like they were idols or actors because of their good-looking. Eh, they were not wrong, you had to say that the Sejong Team included really, really, and really handsome boys from Baekhyun to Chanyeol, from Kyungsoo to Jongdae and these boys’ superiors were Kim oh-my-godJunmyeon and Kim lord-help-us Minseok.
Well…
You were already got used to the reactions coming from all around when Sejong Team showed their faces. You knew that both of insiders and outsiders of Sejong Institute called your team members as the Flower Boys or a shitty nickname like that.
“I would like to have a jjangmyeon without cucumbers, and a tteokbokki.” you turned the menu off. “With a light coke.”
“Coke?” Baekhyun mimicked you like he could not believe his ears. “Are you kidding? Everyone knows that you have to drink jasmine tea in order to help digestion.”
“Have you been majored in nutrition?” you gave him your bitchy resting face. “Shut the fuck up.”
“No coke.” he wholly ignored you and turned to the waitress who was watching him as drooling. “Please, we want two bowls of jjangmyeon, two tteokbokki, also please we would like to have kimbap and kimchi as the garnitures and of course a pot of jasmine tea.”
“Yeah!” she sounded weaker after Baekhyun conducted all power he had in his eyes to her. “Anything else?”
“I guess we are fine for the time being.” Baekhyun smiled to her, causing a flush of redness on her cheeks.
“I will be back as soon as possible.” the girl literally purred, Baekhyun’s eyes shined after her reaction. Little bastard. You did not want to think about it, but his visible joy had your stomach churned. You inhaled and took your book out of your bag.
“What are you doing?” Baekhyun glanced up at you, reached to take the book from your hands. “Having lunch together means conversation, are you going to read?”
“Give the book to me, Byun.” you kicked his foot under the table. “I know you do not know how to read and enjoy but that’s a good habit to have.”
“Yeah, I know that habit of you gives nothing but lonely hours in library.” he had no limits of shooting his arrows. “Have you ever tried something different for a change?”
“Like what?” you tried to get back your book. “Following your great example and dedicate my life to your favourite sport? Sorry, I have no interest in running after women by lolling my tongue out of my mouth.”
“Baby girl,” Baekhyun put your book in his leather bag. “You have no idea whose tongue lolls out of the mouth.”
You could not decide on what you hated the most. Baekhyun or the girls after Baekhyun? You concluded as both of them were equally horrible in your eyes.
“I am sure your stories are incredible.” you inhaled. “But I really do not like to hear the anecdotes of miserable women. Could you give the book back before I gauge your eyes off?”
“Nope.” he grinned. “I can bet on you are still a virgin but tell me if you have an affair or not, I would like to pay my condolences to your partner.”
He was already written as the first name in your list of most-hated-people, but suddenly became the first man to be written as the first enemy of a lifetime.
“Did you finish your own list of dead partners?” you raised one eyebrow. “Thinking of its length gives me chills.”
“No dead.” his grin widened from one ear to the other. “They just had some temporary heart problems due to the performances I gave to them.”
You opened your mouth to slap his face with the words, but the waitress came back to your table with a huge tray. She was placing every bowl and plate, actually fucking Baekhyun with her eyes, you literally hardly suppressed your instincts, telling you to warn her immediately.
But you were not honest with yourself about why you wanted to warn her. In the deep of your mind, but in very deep, you had been starting to realize that you disliked when the girls threw themselves to Baekhyun because you wanted them to stop. You did not like the scene because you did not want to share Baekhyun’s gaze with another person.
You were lying to yourself without realizing what was the real problem of you.
You loved Baekhyun from the beginning, even though he was a fucking tease and a bloody smartass. There was no other man for you, if someone could cut your chest, the only thing would be seen in your heart was his name.
But that would be the heaviest self-enlightenment, and you were definitely not ready for such as a thing. That’s why you unconsciously continued to trick yourself by disguising your own feelings from your own eyes.
You got the chopsticks and decided to have your lunch instead of burying yourself in the maze of thoughts. Baekhyun realized your discomfort, but he had no idea what the real reason of your mood was, whatever made you unhappy was more than okey for him. He could be happy as long as you were sorrowful.
“You still not give an answer to the question.” he was persistent on pushing your limits. “Do you have a relationship?”
“Why are you curious?” you took a mouthful amount of jjangmyeon. How much you wanted to stuff these noodle strings into his throat, suffocating him to death. “If you want to send a bouquet, please note that I love blue roses.”
“You are really a virgin, huh?” Baekhyun diabolically grinned, you could swear on you saw the red halo over his head.
“Darling, you cannot make me angry by stating what is obvious.” you smiled back, there was no reason holding it back, you were always open on these issues, and a sick part of you wanted to tell him to see his reaction. “Yeah, I am a virgin.”
“Do you conservatively follow a church?” his chin dropped a few inches. “How could it be possible with all the boys who try to seduce you?”
Well, you did not expect to hear this.
“Come on,” Baekhyun continued. “I always see you with a bunch of men, do you really think they are following you only for friendship?”
“On the contrary of you and your limit-does-not-exist type of libido, people can build the bonds of affinity.”
“Only when they do not search for an open door to sneak in.” Baekhyun pointed his chopsticks to your face. “Telling you, I can name at least six permanent names in the waiting room.”
You did not see the hidden meaning of his words, however, Baekhyun was already became regretful, he silently prayed for your ignorance and blindness were going to keep him safe. Because he gave you the biggest clue of his interest in you by stating he could give even names.
He still did not understand how he could know everything about you or why he always put a brick on the ways of the candidates for you, but he did. Hell, he was unapologetically finding a way to prevent the boys who liked you and no one could understand it was Baekhyun. He always came up with a solution in order to intimate them, put them back off. You were not aware but Baekhyun always appeared around you when he thought a candidate was close to you more than he supposed to be.
He already put his stamina on you as his girl, but he was not aware of his own actions. He was not aware of what he has been doing, how he was persistently looking for you, searching for your face in every class or harmoniously living with your voice. It was like your breathing was singing to his ears, and he was dancing with your melody.
Baekhyun did not understand but he was yours.
“I am not sure what you think,” you sipped from jasmine tea with self-confidence. “But there is no such a fucking waiting room.”
“You are really blind.” Baekhyun chewed a rice cake, generously dipping it into the gochujang sauce. “Don’t you think Oh Seunghwan is acting like more than a friend? Or Jang Jeongbun? Jesus, even you really cannot be that much idiot.”
Baekhyun was right for the first time in history. You were nothing more than a retard because you really did not understand the behind the scenes of his words. He was unconsciously giving you the signs of his interests in you, but you were so naïve to see.
“They are my friends, Baekhyun.” you rolled your eyes back. “I know grasping the nature of different relationships is hard for you, but people can be nothing but friends. No need to add tensions or searching for hidden meanings.”
Every time you vocalized his fucking name, Baekhyun felt its impact went straight to his dick, and he hated himself for that.
You were not the type of people who could be okey with the target of teasing. You wanted to play, you wanted to be enhanced by it, sinking into the waves of the game.
And even Baekhyun did not admit it in his head, he believed you were the most attractive girl he has been known because of you always corresponded to his moves and cards.
“How about you?” you immediately played your reverse card, grinning like a Cheshire cat. “I heard that you and your gorgeous looks which made entire school swoon and fantasize about you? Are you really called as the sexiest human being on the country?”
Your voice was the strongest indicator of your disbelief, he could be the biggest moron on planet Earth, nothing more nothing less.
Also, you were aware of those comments on Baekhyun more than you wished for. You kept everything you heard about him in your head, in the safest and the most secret file of your brain, refusing to think but keeping on unconsciously think about those speculations. You found them very suspicious, but not because of Baekhyun did not deserve to be called as the sexiest human being, you found those fantasies as unlikely because of Baekhyun had not that macho man stuff people were somehow attributing to him.
You had grown so sick from all of these dreams and comments, coming from every corner of school since Baekhyun was like a star.
And now, you had him seemed quite displeased with your tease.
“Only on the country?” he raised one eyebrow. “Shit, it seems I am not doing well.”
“Baby, you are coming after Park Chanyeol.” you sighed in joy of dancing on your tiptoes. “That’s a quite achievement, when you think.”
“Chanyeol?” he sighed in annoyance; you knew that you trapped his ego in a small box. “Coming after Chanyeol?”
“Yeah.” you gave the most nonchalant look to him. “Well, I can tell that’s quite unfair since Flower Boys includes really strong names such as Kyungsoo or Junmyeon but… Poor girls, they have to be lunatic to put you after Chanyeol.”
“What do you think about these extremely distorted images of us?” Baekhyun angrily took a mouthful of jjangmyeon.
“Do you ask my list?” you crossed your hands over your chest, cooing with gleamy eyes. “I cannot believe that Byun Baekhyun, asking me, a poor peasant, for her list.”
Baekhyun’s eyes darkening, and you were not sure why your mood was changed from the pure need of mocking him to an excitement which you could not ignore. His voice was really screechy and boyish when he asked your list, and his voice giving you a different kind of pleasure. Not the pleasure of scolding him, but the delight of toying him, pushing him to the edge.
But you did not analyse your current feelings, instead, you rushed to deliver your actually-not-existent list.
“We are talking about physical features, right? But I am going to rate everyone also with their characteristics.” you smiled. “For me, the first name is Chanyeol. I mean, look at that face he has, and his body ratio is excellent, but he has a golden heart. Then, of course Kyungsoo, he is fucking handsome, therefore, he is a great guy.”
“I really pity your tastes of men.” Baekhyun’s discontent with your made-up list was palpable, and the dissatisfaction of his tone was like honey left out in the morning sun.
“The number 3 is Junmyeon as always.” you wholly ignored his comment. “No one can say anything against to Kim Junmyeon, he is the definition of aesthetic. Minseok and Jongdae shared the same number in my list, and that’s all.”
“You forgot me.” Baekhyun snorted, his voice made you lifted your head. He was so tense; you never see his jaw clenched at this expand. What’s up his ass? you silently though in your head.
“I did not.” you were cool as a cucumber. “You are not in the list.”
Till now, you guys always ate each other, digging the graves for each other, always fighting always scolding always throwing invisible daggers to each other. However, you have never ever seen those dangerous lights, dancing in the pupils of Baekhyun after your words.
It was difficult to wrap your mind around the fact that you found this Baekhyun as more attractive than his usual-self and unfortunately you already found Baekhyun very desirable. Even though you would never even let yourself to think about being intimate with him, his eyes stirred something inside of you, ignited some fires close to your lower stomach.
“I am sorry to hear that.” you also never heard this cold voice tone of Baekhyun, and you heard almost every negative version of Baekhyun’s voice which he spared only to use against you. “Let’s finish the meals, we have to be back to work.”
“Yeah.” you nod, lightly smiled. You managed to make him mad, you achieved your goal to annoy him so bad.
Why did you feel bad?
Why did you want Baekhyun to continue on the game?
Why did you feel regretful?
Why did you want to cry?
When Baekhyun’s phone started to ring, you almost completed every house in the list Junmyeon gave to you.
And you spent the last two hours in a total silence. It was eerily, Baekhyun’s lips firmly presses into each other like he sworn on not to talk again. You were not so different, but inside of your mind, something was gnawing your inner peace.
You were not happy, even you coped with the most difficult task, shutting Baekhyun’s mouth.
But you were not happy. You did not feel like you got the prize.
Instead…
You were extremely sad, and you felt like you let the trophy to slid between your fingers.
You had to feel like you hit the jackpot, but quite opposite, you were miserable.
You were especially afraid of losing Baekhyun’s attention, your own heart was aching at the way you told him off.
Still, you were lying to yourself and trying to conceal what made you afraid, you were not honest to your conscious, however despite of your efforts, you knew something was wrong with you after his transformation after you showed him the door.
You were a coward; you were not accepting the solid fact that you were in love with Byun Baekhyun and what made you afraid was nothing but losing him.
However, you were also sure on Baekhyun had a place in your head, making you shutter, had you shaking in your shoes. You could not name where to put his name, but you knew he had a place in your life.
And you were horrified by the possibility of losing the chance of hearing his voice. Even if his cocky remarks were the only words you could rip from him.
“Yeah?” Baekhyun answered to the call, for a second, you were happy to hear his voice again, but he walked towards to the last house you had to visit without waiting for you. He did not do this, even in the beginning of the day. You took a deep breath, you did not know why the heck you were really sad for his sudden coldness, godfuckingdamnit didn’t you hate and always despise each other? You mentally slapped yourself to gather yourself up, but it was pointless, you rushed to catch him.
You were aware of there was a painful squeeze in your chest, but you could not understand the reason of its presence or how you could get rid of that.
“Junmyeon told us to retreat.” Baekhyun informed you without looking at you. “After this house, we have to run back to the meeting point.”
“Okey.” you nod, hated the meek voice tone you produced but your mind was not on the case, you were questioning your own feelings and firm beliefs about Baekhyun.
Baekhyun was not better, to be honest, he was worse than you.
When you nonchalantly told him he was not in your list, he wanted to puke everything he devoured during lunch even though tteokbokki was his favourite food. He wanted to punch himself on the face when you counted the members of your fucking list, he wanted to smack his head into the table.
Chanyeol? Kyungsoo? Damnit, even Junmyeon found his way to sneak into your list, but Baekhyun was not there.
He was always sure of he would be landed in every list, but he never think that being in your fucking list was the most important for him.
Why did he care if you were not seeing him as a man or not?
This question swirling in his head had his mind shattering.
As much as he was happy to see you wiggling like a worm under the fires, he could not control his reactions against the problem. When he saw you trembling over a case, he was the first one always popped out of nowhere to fix the problem in the darkness and never let you learn that it was him. He did not let even Junmyeon to help you, putting aside Chanyeol or Kyungsoo.
Baekhyun was the one who had been saving your ass like he was your invisible rescue call.
But you did not name him in your fucking list.
It drove him into crazy. The lack of your attention. He never mean that alerting you on his helps or care for you, but at the same time, he never think that his efforts would be equal to nothing.
He hated himself as much he hated you.
While you were walking back to the meeting point, both of you were lost in your own darkest thoughts. You were carefully paying the attention in order to not to have immersed each other, however both of you wanted nothing but screaming to each other, enough to have the fiercest fight till now.
You wanted to lose yourself in Baekhyun just like he was dying to bury himself into you for his dear life. However, both of you were very good at muting the voices of your hearts and minds.
“Indy! Baekhyun!” you heard Minseok, turning to his voice. “It is going to be a blizzard; we have to find a shelter.”
“Ha?”
“The forecast was clear as fuck.” Chanyeol pointed Junmyeon who was glued to his phone. “Jun is looking for a hotel for us since we could not go back.”
“We can take the cabs?” you were puzzled, a blizzard would be bad, but it did not mean that you had to spend the night here. “I mean, we are not living in a different city.”
“Yeah, you are right.” Shinhye crossed her arms over her shoulders, trying to keep herself warm. You had to admit, although you did not feel it till now, the weather was really cold. “But the cab drivers refused to drive into the city center. They advised us to stay here.”
“How about using metro?” you asked. “It is not so hard.”
“If you want,” Junmyeon hissed at you, holding the phone over his shoulder for a second. “You can try your chance, Indy. However, we are going to spend the night here. Safe and warm.”
“He is right.” Kyungsoo smiled at you. “I prefer to be warm and dry, sorry.”
You took a look at the team, and everyone was approving Kyungsoo’s words like they were bloody zealots.
“Okey, dumbasses.” you sighed in annoyance. “But we do not have even fucking pyjamas.”
“You can always take your clothes off.” Chanyeol winked at you. “Who says you need a pair of pyjamas to sleep?”
“Shut the fuck up, Chanyeol.” a sudden blush spread over your cheekbones, Chanyeol could not help but burst into laughs.
Baekhyun was determined to ignore you, but he could not help himself.
“Yeah, number one.” he muttered between his teeth, enough to be heard only by you. “Golden heart.”
Your chin was dropped for a few inches after hearing his annoyed voice tone and vindictive comment.
Could it be the reason of his unexpected coldness?
Could he be jealous of your invalid expressions and your fake list?
No way.
He could not be.
Your heart skipped the order of beats.
“Okey,” Junmyeon interrupted your thoughts. “We are going, if we are lucky, we will be in the hotel before the bloody snow will sweep down on us.”
“Let’s go!” Shinhye grabbed your hand, dragging you beside of herself. You submissively followed her footsteps; however, your mind was distracted by Baekhyun’s last words.
Could it be?
“This is heaven.” Jongdae rubbed his tummy. “Thank you, Jun!”
“No problem.” Junmyeon smiled and looked at all of you, to be honest, after a really good and delicious dinner, everyone was knocked out over the table.
Except you and Baekhyun.
“If you want you can go to your rooms.” Junmyeon said. “Since we were fortunate to find a single room for each of us, I do not think we have to play rock-paper-scissor.”
“Ah, having a room for myself.” Minseok laughed. “I do not have to hear your snorts, Junmyeon.”
They were sharing the same flat, everyone laughed after his teasing, Junmyeon too.
“Look who is talking.” he beamed. “I am so happy that I am going to have one night without your damn showering rituals.”
“Tell us about it.” Jongdae whined. “Pleeeassse.”
While Junmyeon and Minseok had been giving details of their flatmate stories to the team, making everyone to enjoy the environment, you were deeply sink into the pool of thoughts.
What a day, you thought. And why I feel like I am desperate?
Also, Baekhyun was not enjoying the unexpected banquet, instead he was quite enough to draw attention to himself. Chanyeol was on the verge of asking what the heck was wrong with him, but Kyungsoo kicked him under the table, pointed you with his eyes. Chanyeol’s wit quickly grabbed the matter, and he devilishly grinned.
You gave a hard day to Baekhyun, and he had no intention to change a thing between you and Baekhyun.
He always believed that you were secretly liking each other, but as you were nothing but stubborn bastards, you concealed your feelings towards each other.
Chanyeol definitely had zero motive to interrupt the fight between you, if it meant you would understand your mutual feelings.
Junmyeon also sensed the tension between you and Baekhyun, but he was not the type of persons who could wait on his corner.
“Baekhyun? Baekhyun!” Junmyeon called out him, waking him up. “How was your day? Why you guys are silent as dead?”
“We completed the task.” Baekhyun answered sourly, the corner of his mouth jumping downwards faintly. “As you assigned me and her.”
Baekhyun deliberately avoided using the pronoun of us.
“And it was a hell of task.” he continued. “I am so tired.”
“Even if you are fucking tired,” Jongdae raised a rejection. “You never shut your mouth, tell us what the heck is gnawing you?”
The bloody girl who sits next to you, Baekhyun thought but he was clever enough to keep the filter between his mouth and brain as valid.
“The girl I gave a promise for this night.” he forced himself to beam. “Because of this fucking weather, I have to arrange another meeting with her.”
Your heart churned, his reply had you wanting to slap your face. Harshly.
And you thought that he could be jealous because you named Chanyeol!
You were nothing but such an idiot.
An idiot who did not know a single piece of shit but acting so superior.
You were a goddamn idiot.
Chanyeol’s eyes narrowed after hearing Baekhyun’s shitty words, Kyungsoo wanted to punch Baekhyun’s face so bad, Junmyeon’s dislike of Baekhyun was obvious but he did not say anything, just sighed in desperation.
You felt nothing but another flash of pain as someone hit your abdomen.
“Are you okey, Indy?” Jongdae leaned over to you, whispering. You shook your head positively, smiling slightly. “You did not throw yourself into even desert.”
Your love for deserts was not a secret amongst your friends as Shinhye, sharing Jongdae’s concerns, handed you a bunch of cloudy puffs, filled with lemon cream. You took one of them, although you had no appetite, you forced yourself to eat the puff in order to put your friends at ease.
He was your biggest enemy and rival, right?
Why you were so devastated, almost on the verge of being hysterical?
You were not aware of you had been hypocritical with your feelings, and you were running away from your own heart. That’s why your hands were shaking, your heart was drumming into your ribs and aching as hell.
You were not ready to face with your heart, but you were also too naïve to save yourself from the pain it caused.
“Was he really harsh on you?” Jongdae murmured, his eyes was nothing but full of worries. “I am sure you could put him in his place but still…”
“He was not.” you said. “And you know me, nothing cheers me up but kicking his ass.”
“Glad to hear that.” Jongdae inhaled but the worries did not leave his face. “So why are you so down?”
“I am really tired today.” you sighed, tucking another puff into your mouth as you mentally punched your face in order to take the fucking control of yourself. “But if I will eat enough amount of these pastries, I will be like a bomb.”
“You are already like a bomb.” Minseok joined into the chat. “You look like on the verge of exploding.”
You unwillingly laughed at his damn right assumption.
“You know what?” you sniffed. “I am dying for a good drink. Would like to join me for a soju break?”
There was no single soul who could oppose to propose of grab a drink in your team. Jongdae jumped out of his chair, Shinhye was born ready and Minseok was the strongest drunkard.
“We are heading to the bar.” Minseok happily announced. “If you guys want to join, perfect, if not, good night to all.”
You were always impressed by the eagerness of Sejong Team to jump into any opportunity for a drink. Everyone, every single soul of this team, had a strong will to consume a respectable amount of alcohol. Less than a minute, everyone gathered up and headed to the elevators in order to visit the terrace of the hotel.
You had been wondering how rich Junmyeon was, even though he was a senior in college, or which kind of relations he had under his belt.
Jesus, you could not pay your attention during the dinner, however the hotel you had been staying was nothing but a touch of luxury. You had a strong guess on the payment bill of this place, however you preferred to keep it to yourself as you knew that Junmyeon did not like talking about the wealth lies beneath his fingertips.
But the bar was intimating.
Minseok, Jongdae and Kyungsoo were having a fierce conversation about the administrative offices of Roman Empire, Shinhye were with Junmyeon as they were talking on the next project that they aimed to present for the Head of Department. Chanyeol, only God knew how the heck he found that, was playing a guitar and you, as dwelling in an extremely comfortable armchair, tucked yourself into a blanket like a sushi roll, were enjoying the sudden calmness around yourself. The dim lights, from the chandeliers dangling from the ceiling, casting mirages across the hall, showing the wooden tables scattered between the chairs and beautiful, fresh cut flowers in their elegant vases.
It is not Korean but Chinese or Japanese, you thought, however with your bad eyesight, making an observation about the porcelain and its design was impossible. Also, you were a little bit slothful at the very moment to move your butt, you wanted to indulge in the soju you were holding, not anything else.
You felt a hand on your shoulder, warm but unfamiliar, your head jerked to face the owner of touch.
Baekhyun was looking at you, however his eyes were different from his usual self. There was no intention to mock with you, his eyes were clear as the snow drops that covering the streets right now.
“May I sit?” Baekhyun asked to you, catching you off guard with an unexpected kindness. You nod, feeling a sudden increase of the level of excitement, but kept your mouth shut. “Thank you.”
Thanking you? Byun Baekhyun?
You perked up, starting to prepare yourself for the fight, despite of the considerable amount of soju flowing in your veins, you were ready to guard yourself.
His elbow brushed your forearm when he was rolling his body in order to adjust the chair next to you.
You were shocked by the reaction your body gave to the moment, the only thing he did was sitting on a fucking chair, but your cheekbones were on fire.
His hips, damn his hips your inner voice was hysterically whispering in your head.
“May I ask to which muse I owe this honour?” you searched Baekhyun’s eyes for a glint of dismissiveness, however this was the very first time you have been the target of sincere, chocolate brown and deep irises.
“I have a question for you.” Baekhyun quickly ignored your offensive joke. “Why I am not in your list?”
He may as well have tossed you inside of a volcano, kicking you into the pool of lava, the impact would be the same. Your heart prompted to your stomach, they churned together, your throat and lungs tightened so bad, enough to cut your air by yourself.
You open your mouth, but nothing come out, just a bubble.
“I do not know how to translate that.” he sneered however you were at a loss. You could expect a lot of words from Byun Baekhyun but questioning the reason of his absence in your fucking list was not one of them.
“There is—” you bite your lower lip to stop yourself, you were on the verge of confessing that there was no list, you just tried to poke his ego, but thank God, you still had a piece of sanity to hold on. “I do not understand. Why do you care my list?”
Do I look like I fucking know? Baekhyun wanted to shake your cage, he wished nothing but screaming at you with all power he had in his lungs. He had no idea why he was mad at you, but he was out of rage and the only reason was you.
“Because I am curious.” he leaned his elbows onto his knees, cocking one eyebrow to you. “And what I hate most is being ignorant to a case.”
“I know.” you spoke without thinking, your mind was delving into the current problem you had in order to find a balanced answer, so you did not realize what you exactly said.
Unfortunately for you, Byun Baekhyun did not become your biggest rival by being blind or deaf.
His lips slightly curled upwards.
But the gentleman he could be, he did not corner you for the time being.
“So?”
It did not mean he would not try to push you in order to get what he wanted.
“Is there a rule saying that every human being has to be interested in you?”
You were not aware of it, but your voice was cracking, and your breathing became heavier, quickened and there was a sheen of sweet on your forehead.
To your dismay, Byun Baekhyun did not unconsciously mark you as his girl without studying you to the bits.
“Humanity is a different topic.” he widely smiled. “I wonder about you, sweetheart.”
Your breath stuck in your lungs because of the endearment, even though you were aware of his teasing of you.
“You are not my type, Byun.” you dead serious.
“Ah, your type is Chanyeol, right?” he smirked, turning his head to the tall brunette who indulged himself into the guitar. “Should we alert him to your interest in him?”
“Goddamn, no!” you hissed at him. What kind of trouble he was aiming to knit on your head? “Do you know the definition of privacy? You are invading personal boundaries, dumbass.”
“I do not think so.” Baekhyun shrugged his shoulder. “If you like Chanyeol, Chanyeol has the right of be aware of your interest.”
“Okey, even a scoundrel like you cannot be crossing the limit of respect like this.” you moved to stand up, giving the most dangerous look to Baekhyun. “I do not have to lis-
“Hey, Chanyeol!” Baekhyun called him with a high-pitched voice. Chanyeol lifted his head, distracted by the unexpected scream of Baekhyun.
“What?”
“Nothing!” your hand immediately tugged onto Baekhyun’s knee, squeezing it tightly in order to warn him. “You are playing so good, keep going!”
Chanyeol laughed at your words.
“You do not have to scream like that, Goddamnit.”
“Tell it to your friend.” you rolled your eyes back, fuming with anger but covering your face pretty well. You turned to Baekhyun, your eyes telling him that he was in serious danger if he was not going to shut his fucking mouth up.
Baekhyun did not care your silent warning, but your hand on his knee was a real distraction for him.
“I know that he is not your type.” he murmured, watching your hand, small, pale, and soft, Baekhyun did not want to confess but he wanted to latch your fingers to his. “Is it Kyungsoo?”
“Do I interrogate your preferences of girls, damn?” you literally gritted between your teeth. “Leave it.”
“I have no intention.” Baekhyun turned to Kyungsoo, narrowing his eyes. “Let’s ask if you are Kyungsoo’s type.”
“What the fuck are you, cupid?!” you grunted, and your hands moved without your consent. You grasped Baekhyun’s jawline, your fingertips were brushing his ears. “I said, leave it.”
“If you want to shut my mouth,” Baekhyun beamed, ignoring the fact that your touch meant for a lot than he could expect, he was going to think about it later. “Tell me why I am not in your list.”
“No one can desire someone like you!” you exploded. “An arrogant, dandy, selfish boy who does not know nothing but bringing trouble to others. That’s why you can never be in my list, even I have to choose between you and an octopus. For the records, I hate octopus, but I would go for it, if it means the other option is you.”
“Oh, you hurt me.” Baekhyun’s eyes glimmered with the sparks of unnamed feelings. He leaned forward, enough you to feel his breath fanning your lips. “You know what, sweetheart? You are so aggressive only when you have a secret which have to stay only in your head.”
“W-what?”
“I am definitely in that list.” Baekhyun claimed it with confidence, but it was just the appearance. Inside him, his heart was definitely shuttering, cracking into pieces, he had no control over himself, he could not understand his sudden behaviours. “I am in your list, if there is a list.”
Your eyes widened, and pupils blown up.
“Jesus.” you snorted. “When you lost your fucking mind?”
“You are a pretty bad liar.” Baekhyun was making assumptions out of his ass in order to get a reaction from you, he was not fucking sure if he was in the list or not, but everything he said actually rang the true bells.
“And you are a lunatic.” your intense eyes pinned him down, and the frowning lips caught your attention, but you forced to came back to your senses as soon as possible. “You will never be anything more than a lunatic.”
You attempted to stand up, but he was incredibly swift to catch your wrist, pressing you back to the armchair.
“Tell me, sweetheart.” he held your wrist for his dear life, caging you and to your disappointment, coming closer to your face, causing your ability of speaking to be faded immediately.
His godfuckingdamnit lips.
“You have been having doubts on me since the day we met, your driving force is giving me hard time.” his breathing was fanning your cheekbones. "Confess now, why are you pissed at me all the time?”
“Hell, you do talk like you are so different. Aren’t you the one who always finds a way to be trouble for me?” you raised one eyebrow, letting him to realize the game was reserved for two people. “If it means liking someone, since when you have been fallen in love over heels with me?”
“You have no idea how much I want to place your heels over my shoulders.”
Your chin was dropped, his words had you turning into a mummy who was trying to register into his remarkable sentence without a single brain cell.
You had to come up with the best answer you could give. You had to find the best response to him, and it had to be a perfect balance of sharpness, cockiness, and matureness as it had to be said with the resting bitch face.
And you heard your own voice.
“Ha?”
“You heard what I said.” Baekhyun intensively gazed at you, the proximity between your bodies had your body quivering and trembling at the same time and his fucking knee slightly, almost insensibly pushed your legs apart.
“You are really nonsensical, Baekhyun.” you inhaled, doing your best in order to ignore all the jolts all over your body, numbing your mind but also setting the skin on fire. Every time you said his name, Baekhyun felt something turning in his lower stomach. “What the fuck you want from me?”
“You did not name me in your list.” You could not believe your fucking eyes, more importantly, you could not believe you were still listening his gibberish like a kindergarten kiddo. “But, I am better than everyone else here.”
His voice dropped the slightest, making you shiver.
“Would you like me to prove it to you?”
88 notes · View notes
Note
soriel, 1 (chocolate) for the ask game?
Like a Box of Chocolates
Rating: G Word Count: 2734 Read on AO3: here
---
"Ok. I brought a few choices," Sans said while sitting with his back to the door. He pulled a plastic sack full of chocolate and chocolate-adjacent treats out from under his shirt.
"Oh, you did not have to do that." The voice behind the door sounded embarrassed.
"It's no big deal." He shrugged instinctively, though she wouldn't be able to see it. "Not like I candy things like this for you very often."
The lady laughed, even though the pun was a stretch. She was a great audience like that.
"I cannot argue with that. After all, it is the choco-thought that counts."
Sans let out a wheeze. Man, she had him beat in the bad jokes department. He needed to up his game.
"What can I say, I'm a sweet guy." That joke would work better if she could see his wink.
"You certainly are, my friend."
Sans blinked. He hadn't been prepared for the genuine warmth in her voice. Now he felt something like a melted chocolate himself.
"Uh. You'd better wait and make sure I didn't pick out garbage before you say that." He chuckled nervously and spread out the chocolates in the snow.
"Alright. Hit me with your best choco-shot."
He laughed out loud at that one too. She could really squeeze some mileage out of chocolate puns.
"First off we have the MTT-Brand Chocolate Mettaton. Which is exactly what it sounds like. Chocolate in the shape of everyone's favorite robot superstar." He scanned the back of the wrapper. "Contains sequins and glitter, but it's still monster food, so probably won't cause any more indigestion than Temmie Flakes. Still, wouldn't blame ya if you passed on that."
The lady laughed. "I do not know this 'Mettaton,' but he sounds like someone…"
Her voice trailed off, the way it always did when she neared a personal topic. It seemed to be happening more and more often lately. Sans didn't know if that was a good sign, or if he needed to do a better job of distracting her.
"Someone I know would have liked that," she finished clumsily.
"Welp. It's yours, then." He attempted to slide it under the door.
Attempted. The thick block of chocolate wouldn't fit through the narrow space.
"What are my other options?" The lady asked, not seeming to hear his failure.
(Or just ignoring it. The way they always ignored things they didn't want to acknowledge.)
Oh well. He'd deal with that later, if she wanted to.
He picked up the next box and rattled it. It looked thin enough to fit under the door.
"I think this one's called, uh, pocket?” He couldn’t tell for sure, since the box was labeled in a language he didn’t recognize. Where did Alphys get this stuff? “A pal gave it to me. They’re like chocolate-covered sticks, I think."
"Not precisely what I was looking for, but I would love to try it regardless," she said. "If I am allowed to have both options, I mean. If not, I should probably stick with the Em-Tee-Tee."
Sans bit back a snort. So she hadn't heard after all. That made this a lot more awkward.
"Do you wanna hear the other options first? Wouldn't want ya to have any regrets."
"Oh! There are more?"
She sounded as surprised as a kid finding an extra fry in the bottom of their Grillby's bag. He couldn't help grinning.
"Yup. Next up is a chocolate spider donut—”
“Made by spiders, for spiders, of spiders?” The voice seemed on the verge of laughter again.
His eyesockets widened. “Uh… welp. Guess you don’t need the whole spiel, huh?”
“There is a spider bakesale right around the corner from my home,” the lady explained. “I believe they are saving for a… ‘heated limo’? To travel safely through Snowdin. I wish I could help them, but I did not think to take much gold when I…”
Another dead end. That was fine, Sans could piece together enough. Not that her personal life was any of his business, anyway.
“If it makes ya feel any better, they really raked me over the coals for this one.”
“It does not!” came her quick reply. “I only asked for a chocolate bar. Not for you to spend money that you need on me.”
Geez, this lady was too good for him. As if Sans ever really went out of his way for anyone.
Except Papyrus, but he was family. And sometimes Grillby, if he felt bad about failing to pay his tab for too long. And Alphys, but he owed her for screwing off after space-time blew up in their faces.
And now, the lady behind the door. The lady he didn’t owe anything to, except a few good laughs.
Who was he kidding? Those laughs were more important to him than anything.
“Eh, it just cost me one day of selling ‘dogs. Donut worry about it.”
“Very well. Since it was for a good cause, I will not grill you any further. But please tell me that was the last chocolate you purchased for me.”
“It’s the last one I purchased.” He grinned. While she couldn’t see his expression, she must have heard the but in his voice.
“Please tell me you did not steal any chocolate for me.”
“Geez, lady, what do you take me for? I’d never commit petty thievery.”
“Well, that is reassuring.”
“Yep. Gotta save room for the real high-dollar crimes. Like the illegal hot dog stand.”
The voice behind the door went silent. He wished he could see her face now more than ever. His own grin slowly slid from his skull.
“Everyone knows about it,” he reassured her. “If the King really wanted to shut me down, he’d have done it a long time ago.”
“Oh, I am not judging you for that. I am sure the law is rigged against you if the King has any say in it.” Her voice was surprisingly bitter.
His real problem was that he couldn’t ever find the necessary documents to get licensed in food preparation. His birth certificate was presumably in whatever alternate dimension his old man had blasted them out of.
“You are judging me for something, though,” he realized. The chill of the snow seeped into his bones, but he didn’t dare adjust his position. Somehow he felt that if he moved, she would disappear.
“I am not. I was only thinking about…” She sighed. “It is complicated. There was a time when I could have helped you, but it is long past.”
“Help me? Look, lady, the ‘dog stand is fine. Promise. Better than fine, since I don’t gotta pay taxes on it.”
She chuckled at that.
“Very well. Forgive a silly old lady for worrying.”
“Done.” He smiled, settling back against the door more comfortably.
He should’ve known she’d have a problem with his illegal activities, though. She was a classy lady, and he was… him. Why had he even brought it up? It wasn’t a great joke. Did he really just want her to know?
Eh, whatever. She wasn’t mad, so no harm done, right?
“I would like to know how you acquired this other chocolate, if it was not through your sticky fingers.” She sounded like she was grinning.
“Huh? Oh.” He blinked and dug out the last chocolate of the bunch. Blue dusted his cheeks. “QC—that’s the lady who runs the shop in town—gave ‘em to me for free. They’re called, uh, kisses.”
QC had a knowing look in her eyes when she’d offered the bag of chocolates to him. It was his own fault for implying they were for a girl. Everyone already thought he screwed around in the woods on his shifts, and with the way gossip travelled in a small town, everyone at Grillby’s would be asking about his girlfriend tonight.
“Kisses,” the lady behind the door echoed. “This is not one of your jokes, is it?”
“Not this time. Sorry to disappoint.” His grin felt too tight. “They’re, uh, tiny chocolates. Kinda cone-shaped? QC makes ‘em herself, so they’ve gotta be good.”
“Oh.” Oddly, the voice did sound disappointed. Sans couldn’t imagine why. Not like he could kiss her through the door, even if he had lips. And even if there was some unlikely timeline where she wanted a kiss from him.
He wanted to thump his skull back against the door, but there was no point in worrying her like that.
“In that case, I will take the kisses. They will be perfect for…”
He was sure she would leave it at that. Cover up with some non sequitur.
So his eyesockets went wide when she said, “for the anniversary of my child’s passing.”
“Oh.” He let out a strangled little laugh. “I—geez, I’m sorry. If I’d known—”
“You would have what? Spent even more money on this silly old lady, who cannot even leave to buy her child’s favorite chocolate?” Her voice was firm. “No. I thought you deserved to know, after the trouble you went to, and because you shared your own secret with me today.”
“My ‘dog stand is hardly a secret,” he said, still feeling a little shaky. She had a kid? A dead kid?
Well, who in the Underground didn’t have skeletons in their closet? Metaphorically or literally. She was still his best friend. If she wanted his pity, she would’ve said something sooner.
“Regardless,” she said. “It is in the past. Forget it, if you wish. But please do not treat me any differently.”
“Wouldn’t dream of it,” he said sincerely. If there was one thing he was good at, it was maintaining the status quo. “So, uh. These chocolates. I kind of wanted you to have all of ‘em, if that’s alright with you.”
“It would be rude to refuse a gift, would it not?” She sounded like she was smiling again, to his relief.
“There’s just one problem. Uh. Don’t think they’re all gonna fit under the door.” He rapped on the stone surface with his knuckle for emphasis.
“I did not assume they would. The recipe I gave you before hardly passed through.”
Sans blinked. “Then you—huh?”
“I will open the door just a fraction. It can only be done from the inside.” She paused, like she was gathering a breath. “I would ask that you do not look. I promise I will not peek, either.”
Sans’s ribcage tightened. She was going to open the door. She would be right there, with no stone between them.
The thought opened a desperate floodgate within him. He hadn’t realized just how badly he wanted to see her, to know her, to live off of more than just scraps and unfinished sentences.
She once had a child. She had some kind of beef against the King. She wanted to give charity to spiders, but didn’t have enough money. All these facts he filed away, tucking them into the grooves in his ribcage.
It would be enough. He’d duct tape those gates shut again, if he had to. He wasn’t going to betray the trust she’d shown him.
“Got it. You don’t wanna be smitten by my good looks, I understand,” he joked.
(He had a feeling it would be the other way around, if anything. Not that quality of jokes translated to quality of appearance—he would know. If it did, he’d have biceps like his brother.)
“It would be tragic. Much too high a price for you to handsome chocolate to me.”
“Heh, I’m sure you’re a door-able too. But I’ll keep my sockets shut, since our friendship hinges on it.”
That got a raucous laugh out of her, the kind that started off high-pitched and quickly became something of a snorting bleat. That sound was sweeter than chocolate to him.
...Man, his pals at Grilby’s would be right to dunk on him. He was a massive dork.
“Alright,” she said once she caught her breath, “if you are ready, my friend…”
“Yeah.” He nodded. “Better choco-late than never, huh?”
That one only got a snort, but he wasn’t sure if that was because the pun fell flat, or because she was nervous. As far as he knew, she hadn’t been outside of the Ruins in years. And here she was, trusting a sentry—someone whose job it was to keep a look out—to turn a blind eye.
It was a good thing he’d never been good at his job.
Stone ground against stone with a dramatic rumble. His eyesockets stayed shut. Warmth emanated from somewhere near his shoulder, and he lifted the bag of chocolates.
His small hand brushed a large fur-covered one. A shiver trailed down his spine. One small touch shouldn’t have done so much to him, but—but she was real. She was more than just a voice behind a door. Which he knew, but knowing and feeling could be worlds apart at times.
She took the bag, and the moment was over. But the door didn’t close.
“My dear friend,” she whispered, her voice sounding closer than ever. “Would it be presumptuous to ask another favor of you?”
“‘Course not. Glad to do a favor for my favor-ite person.” He kept his tone light, unaffected by the swirling emotions inside him.
“If I could… oh, dear, this is embarrassing.”
He resisted the urge to open his eyes, to see what look might be on her face.
“It has simply been so long… may I hold your hand a moment longer?”
He felt the marrow heating within his bones.
“That all? I gotta hand it to ya, you made me think you needed an arm and a leg.”
She chuckled before awkwardly fumbling to grasp his hand again.
Heat poured from her palm into his phalanges. Aside from the fur, there were several spots of soft skin—probably paw pads. Was she a dog monster, like the Canine Unit in town? She didn’t make nearly enough dog jokes for that to be the case. Her laugh sounded more like a goat’s, but she obviously didn’t have hooves. Maybe she was some kind of chimera? You didn’t see those often nowadays, but then again, no one saw monsters from the Ruins, either.
“Thank you,” she said, her voice as soft as the snow that began to drift around him.
“Not disappointed?” He asked, only half-joking. “My hand can’t be as comfy as yours.”
“Ah, but it is all your bone. And that is wonderful to me.”
“Geez, old lady.” He was grateful she couldn’t see his blush. “You’re pretty fur-fect yourself.”
When she laughed, her body shook all the way down to her hand. The feeling more than made up for all the G he’d spent on chocolate and donuts.
Suddenly his hand was being lifted up, and then something soft pressed against his knuckles. His soul flared erratically, and his eyes nearly flew open. If they had, he was sure his left eyelight would have been blue from shock.
“A kiss for a kiss,” she said slyly. “It is only fair.”
“Heh heh…” His voice shook with more than laughter. “Technically, that was one kiss for a bag of kisses. Pretty sure that math doesn’t square up.”
“Oh, you are quite right! One day we will have to circle back and rectify that.”
He practically had to cast gravity magic on himself to keep his eyes from flying open.
“You—huh?” He said intelligently.
“Perhaps not soon,” she clarified. “This has all been… a lot, for me. But thanks to you, my dear friend, this day has not been so bitter as I am used to.”
“Uh, no problem, then. With all that chocolate, I hope it’s sweet.”
Sweet as the anniversary of a death could be, anyway. He grimaced. Maybe that joke was too soon, but she just squeezed his hand before finally letting go.
“I do think it will be,” she said softly. “I will look forward to hearing more of your punny jokes tomorrow.”
The door scraped shut, and he hesitantly opened his eyes. He couldn't help inspecting the door to see if anything changed. Pressing his still-warm hand against the smooth stone.
“Heh. Good luck getting rid of me now.” He grinned.
Then he tucked his hands in his pockets, where her kiss remained like a tattoo on his bone.
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inessencedevided · 3 years
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Wei Wuxian enters the Underworld Chamber with several scrolls clutched in his arms, struggling to keep them all together but he is able to settle them down on a table next to the one that is holding his client with a great clatter. For a moment he entertains himself with thinking what the Second Jade who was known to be very rule abiding would say to his general … everything. He would probably have those straight, black eyebrows furrowed and reprimand him with a single word.
“Let’s see what we’ve got here, hm?”, he offers and sifts through his collection of scrolls from the library of the Lan sect. “Your older brother gave me access to some very interesting scrolls, you know?! Your sect is famous for musical cultivation, he told me that you were on your way to become the best guqin player, close to Lan Yi. Fascinating stuff, this. Inquiry. Talking to the dead through the means of music. Maybe this will help me before I use Empathy. Which is a method I invented.”
He does this a lot, chattering away at people to break the ice. There is not a lot of ice to break because the person he is talking to is dead but it still feels nicer than to be completely quiet. And according to ZewuJun, his brother is still here, so maybe he will feel less alone like this. So he shuffles over to the guqin that seems to have been repaired. There is still some brownish-red residue on the wood and he knows that it only can be one thing. Blood. “Alright. Let’s do this,” he says softly. Carefully, he follows the movements that are described on the page, lets the notes ring out, waits for an answer in the dark.
There is silence for a moment and he is afraid he played so badly that the ghost is somehow offended and doesn’t want to come. But then, suddenly, there is an answer. No unnecessary embellishments, played slowly so he can understand but still so beautiful that he knows who it is. Who it only can be.
Who are you sings the instrument and he makes an excited sound, shuffling even closer. Wei Wuxian he answers, carefully playing out the notes. Your brother. Asked for help. he answers haltingly. It is almost like learning a new language. I go through memories. Am I allowed? There is another moment of silence, then he swears the answer sounds almost surprised. Yes. You may, Wei Wuxian. He giggles and bites his lip. “Call me Wei Ying,” he tells the room before remembering that he should have used the guqin. The instruments sings out, completely unprompted. Wei Ying.
His grin threatens to split his face and he gets up, walking towards the body, taking in the serene face, the inky hair, the creamy skin. He really is a beauty. “Just a moment,” he tells him and pats his hand, walking to the door and calling Lan Xichen in, who comes without any further prompting. “He gave me permission,” Wei Wuxian explains and then hands the sect leader a Clarity Bell, a thank you from Jiang Yanli for helping her sect when it called for it. “Ring this when things get sticky or I do not wake up. It will call me back.”
ZewuJun nods, taking the Bell, settling in, watching them both with a worried expression but Wei Wuxian just smiles and kneels next to the body, taking his hands, noticing how cold and yet soft they are, callouses at their fingertips from playing the guqin. “Lan Wangji,” he whispers. “Show me. Show me what is keeping you here.”
The memories feel like the first snow beneath naked feet, dropping into a body of cold water but also like standing on a mountain and letting the winds rush by. They start with a little boy kneeling in front of a house surrounded by gentians, clad in the same white the whole sect wears. He is six at most and why this memory is shown, Wei Wuxian doesn’t know but he keeps concentrating, diving deeper. He sees a strikingly handsome teenager studying in the library, copying old scrolls, playing quin and sneaking vegetables to the back hills where white bunnies roam. The images flash by, a lecture with disciples from other sects, Wen Chao and his entourage arriving and making a scene.
One moment stands out. The same teenager who must be Lan Wangji catches a young female disciple roaming the back hills, a Wen from the red of her robes. He walks away with her and the scenery shifts. They are in a building that is most likely the home of the sect leader, ZewuJun and his brother who stands next to him, straight-backed and breathtaking. He can hear voices, hears them talking of something Wen Ruohan wants, that he will raze the Cloud Recesses to the ground for it. The Yin Iron. Part of it is hidden away here. They will need to prepare for the worst.
The scene shifts again, to Caiyi and Lan Wangji walking through the busy market, holding his sword in his hand, one hand in a fist behind his back like a proper gentleman. He can hear crying and both of them look for the source of it, Wei Wuxian constricted by the limited sight he has. It is little girl with braided buns, crying heartbreakingly next to a stall with animals made from colourful cloth.
The cultivator with the severe face and the countenance of a remote, snow-capped mountain, kneels next to her and hands her a bunny rabbit made from colourful cloth, just purchased apparently, waiting for her to talk. “I lost my gege,” she sobs and shuffles closer, hugging him, getting his white robes dirty. He does not seem to care, instead looks at her and gently lays a hand on her shoulder. “I have a gege as well. I would be scared if I lost him in the crowd,” he says and oh, his voice. It’s calm and deep, trying to settle the little girl. “Shall we look for him together?”
She sniffles and nods, taking his hand in hers, looking up at him in awe and Wei Wuxian can relate. After just a moment, they have found her big brother and the little girl runs to hug him with a shriek of delight. He can see the corners of Lan Wangji’s mouth tilt up into a soft smile, barely noticeable but it is there. He seems to be content with a job well done.
Another shift. They seem to come quicker now, more talk of the Yin Iron, someone he recognises as Lan Qiren taking stock of their most valuable scriptures, letting it be taken away. It is terribly busy but Lan Wangji is a mountain in a rushing stream, carrying what he can with his impressive arm strength.
Yet another and the Cloud Recesses are burning. The disciples are running, many of them armed, some carrying instruments. Caiyi is in disarray as well, people barricading their homes, locking up their animals. Lan Wangji is making a sweep through town, his immaculate robes already stained with soot. The little girl from before runs towards him and hugs his leg, tearful and scared but she knows she is safe with the young cultivator. He gently pats her head and does the same to her rabbit doll.
Then, his face grows serious and he kneels down to look at her, reaching up and undoing his ribbon that falls into his hands, carefully tying it around her wrist. “Keep this safe. Go and take your brother, your parents and look for a grey mountain with yellow veins. This will give you free passage through the secret entrance. You will be safe,” he tells her gently and gets up. “Look for a man who looks like me but older. Lan Xichen.”
Another shift. This one seems to be the last. Lan Wangji is riddled with arrows, bleeding profusely, staggering but still standing upright. His forehead is bare, his hands around the hilt of his sword are bloodied but he carries himself with grace and sheer bullheaded stubbornness. What was that saying again? No matter how the wind howls, the mountain cannot bow to it. He is so very brave. Wei Wuxian can feel his need to protect the ones who are hidden in the cave behind him even at the cost of his own life.
He seems to have set his mind on something, following Wen Xu, even as another arrow buries itself in his back and a voice cries out “A-Zhan! No!”. A sharp crack, bones crunching. His leg is broken but Wen Xu is dead, staring into nothingness. Lan Wangji does not cry out, instead uses his sword to get up again, breathing hard, spitting blood but still, there is a defiant light in his eyes. Someone trips him up and he falls to his knees, his head held high, his guqin on the ground next to him, strings bloodied. As the sword finds its mark, Wei Wuxian does not look away. Dares not look away. Lan Wangji stays proud and brave until he crumples to the ground and stops breathing.
Ringing, silvery and gentle, pulls him out of the cold waters, guides him back into his own body. As he comes to with a gasp, he notices that he has been crying. He wipes his eyes and looks at the body in front of him, at this brave and stubborn man who died defending those he cared about. “You were so good. So good, Lan Zhan,” he whispers, the personal name slipping out as he squeezes the cold hands, looks into his serene face. “The best.”
He turns to Lan Xichen who looks like he has been crying as well. “He died with the deep wish to protect still ingrained into him. He wants to make sure you are alright. And… he is guarding something. I… you spoke of the Yin Iron.”
The way Lan Xichen pales is answer enough.
- 🍄 anon
(Part one for all who didn't read it)
Omg!!! You sent me through every feeling IMAGINABLE 🍄 anon 😭😭😭
That line about there being a lot of ice to crack made me laugh and then you just came at me like that with feelings about lwj dieing! Not. Fair. 🥺
And lwj + little kids = love :D
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imasimpforshanks · 3 years
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omg I am so sorry I completely forgot to put the alphabet 😅 E C J M T for Shanks for the angst alphabet! thank you and sorry for the mistake! ❤️
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Angst Alphabet - Shanks
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a/n: hiii! Thank y’all for requesting! To the second anon, I went with Shanks (I hope that’s ok!!!) 💗💗💗
LOLOL THIS MY HUSBANDDDDD 💍😍
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A-Accident (would they blame themselves if you died in an accident?)
It would depend on how much he felt he could have prevented it. However, Shanks understands all to well just how cruel the world can be. He can’t constantly be in control of everything, so although it would be devastating, he would have to realize that this is reality.
B-Break up (How would they break up with you?)
Shanks would use the excuse that he is a Yonko. He’s no good for you, and you deserve so much better than an infamous pirate who only brings danger. While these are just excuses - ways to make breaking up with you easier - he really would be speaking from the heart. Shanks has always felt this way but never voiced it, but now it’s finally time to let you go.
C-Crying (how would they make you cry?)
He leaves for long periods of time and refuses to you along. You know he’s only doing it for your safety, but it hurts that he doesn’t think you’re strong or responsible enough to join his crew on their voyages (note: he doesn’t actually think you’re not strong or responsible – his pirate life is just extremely dangerous, even as a yonko).
D-Death (how would they react to your death?)
He’s seen and experienced a lot of death in his life so he’d be a able to cope with it a little better than others would. Even so, your death would still be heart-breaking (he would mourn privately though). Now, if he literally saw you get killed in front of him then RIP to the person who killed you because they will be the one/s to die next.
E-Emotion (what is one emotion they would try to hide the most and how would they do it?)
Shanks is quite an open book. If he’s angry everyone knows. If he’s happy everyone knows (etc.). But, if I really had to pick one… I suppose it would be sadness or grief. He feels obligated to put on a front for his crew (although they can see right through it). He tends to let out his sadness and grief when he’s alone.
F-Fight (do you two ever fight? How big are the fights? What do you fight about? Etc.)
He tends to crack jokes before your fights can escalate into anything too serious. Sometimes it’s intentional, but other times it’s just his personality shining through. And rather than serious fights there’s just a lot of teasing and taunts between the two of you.
If you were to have a serious fight, it would be about both of your safety (As would most fights with any of the One Piece characters).
G-Guilt (what is the biggest thing they feel guilty about?)
More often than not, Shanks finds himself able let go of a LOT of shit. But the one thing he can’t seem to stop feeling guilty about is his failure to show up to Marineford on time. He knows he’s not directly responsible for Ace’s death, but that doesn’t stop the overwhelming guilt. If only he had gotten there a few minutes earlier.
H-Heartbreak (what would cause them pain in the relationship? How would they deal during a break-up?)
Coming back to you after each voyage is something he always looks forward to. However, that happiness is short-lived when he realizes he has to leave again in a few weeks. It’s always so painful having to say goodbye again.
I don’t think he would be too different during a break-up. Perhaps he may crack a few less jokes, but other than that, his personality and demeanour when around others remains the same. It isn’t until he’s alone that he lets his smile fall.
I-Injured (how would they react if you are badly injured?)
Undoubtedly, he’d be concerned, but he knows you’ll pull through (you have to pull through). So, after that initial concern has passed, he’ll be feeling all types of pissed off. Whoever, or whatever, injured you will pay – and honestly, he may not even deal the perpetrator himself (his crew is already on it - you are like family to them).
J-Jealousy (what do they do if they are jealous?)
I honestly think Shanks is just the type of person to just tell you if he’s jealous. But he wouldn’t say “uhh I’m feeling a little jealous” or anything along those lines – no. Instead, Shanks puts on a little pout and does a massive fake sigh until you finally ask him what’s wrong. That’s when he hits you with the “I guess my attention just isn’t enough for you”, and you’re like “HUH?? MF WHAT?” He’s literally such a child HAHA.
But, if there’s one particular person he really does not like you being around and they won’t leave you alone, then he is not at all opposed to just shoving his tongue down your throat right in front of them. That’ll definitely get the message across.
K-Kill (would they kill for revenge?)
Shanks may be a goofy and laid-back individual, but he will resort to violence if the situation calls for it. So, it is very likely that Shanks would kill for revenge. Maybe he wouldn’t necessarily do it himself. But, if he orders it, it’ll definitely happen.
L-Loss (what is their greatest loss?)
Gol D. Roger’s death was probably one of the greatest losses in Shanks’ life. Roger is the reason Shanks is a pirate today, and young shanks was absolutely broken by his death.
(hard to write much for this one seeing as shanks’ character is still quite a mystery to us!)
M-Mistake (what is the worst mistake they ever made with you?)
One time he completely forgot a date night that you spent SO LONG planning. It wasn’t just any date night either. It was a date you planned on his final night before him and his crew had to leave again for a while. You spent hours waiting for to show up, but he was nowhere to be seen. Finally, he showed up at your place, breath reeking of booze. You just looked at him and it hit him (he was like “OH SHIT”). He started apologizing profusely. He didn’t try to make any excuses, he completely owned up to being a shitty boyfriend. But, the moment he knew he had well and truly fucked up was when you just nodded and waved good night to him, wishing him safe travels – you didn’t cry, get visibly angry you just left alone. Shanks knew that was far worse than any yelling.
N-Nightmares (how often do they have them? What are they about? How do they deal with it?)
I literally am not joking when I say this but I think Shanks practically drinks till he passes out so even if he were to get nightmares he wouldn’t wake up LMAOOOOOOOOOOOO (ok maybe I am joking with this one but also kind of not).
In all seriousness though, I don’t think Shanks has nightmares very frequently. It’s gotten to the point where any fear or things of that matter that could be nightmares for him, have become so common in his life that he almost finds it not frightening to think about.
O-Outrage (how and why would they get mad at you?)
He would get mad at you for placing yourself in unnecessary danger. He’d call you stupid and irresponsible, even though he doesn’t really mean any of those things – it’s just the image of him potentially losing you forever is replaying in his mind and it absolutely terrifies him.
P-Past (what has happened in your relationship that changed the way you saw each other?)
You saw him get serious serious once before. Like the kind of serious where he uses his conquerors haki and everything. It definitely caused a bit of a change in your relationship as it was terrifying to witness. You’ve always known Shanks was strong and intimidating when needed, but that moment really showed you what it meant when people called him an “emperor of the sea”.
Q-Quality (what is their most dangerous/toxic quality?)
Not wanting to openly express his sadness and grief in front of others can be a very unhealthy quality. Shanks doesn’t allow himself good enough opportunities to express him emotions in a safe and healthy manner.
R-Rejection (how would they react to you rejecting their confession (or the other way around))
(First of all WHY WOULD ANYONE WANT TO REJECT SHANKS ANYWAY LIKE HUBBA HUBBA I LOVE HIM ANYWHOOOOOOOOO…..) Shanks is the type to just shrug it off. He’d be a little disappointed, bc c’mon the hottest most amazing person he’s ever known just turned him down! But he knows not everything in life goes how you want it to. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, and this just happens to be one of the things he’s lost. So ultimately, he’ll just shrug it off. (he will definitely get teased by his crew though).
S-Scars (battle or self-inflicted)
Shanks has no self-inflicted wounds. But he does have a scar across his left eye given to him by Blackbeard. He also has a missing arm which he (heroically) sacrificed as he saved lil Luffys life (does a missing arm even count as a scar?)
T-Trust (have they ever broken your trust?)
He’s never given you any reason to not trust him. He’s always open and honest with you. Well, as honest as he can be without placing you in any danger. Trust was something needed from the get-go of your relationship because he would be gone for long periods of time. The two of you wouldn’t be able to last without trust.
Oh, also if shanks ever did do anything to break your trust you best believe his crew will beat his ass (especially Benn). You’re family to them.
U-Urge (how badly do they want to see you after you guys separated?)
My god does he want to see you. He would give his other arm just to be right by your side in an instant. He’s gone for weeks, sometimes months, at a time. Shanks loves his crew, they’re a lively bunch and he trusts them with his life, and vice versa. But they’re not you. They don’t provide him with that same feeling of home that you do. Sure, this could be fixed if he let you join the crew on their journeys, but he absolutely cannot place you in that kind of danger. You’re already in enough danger as it is simply being in a relationship with him.
V-Vicious (what do they do when they lash out on you?)
Rather than lashing out at you, Shanks tends to give you the silent treatment. He looks at you without a word and just turns away. He does this in an attempt to make you feel guilty and as if everything is your fault.
W-Weak (what makes them feel weak how do they try to avoid it?)
There isn’t much that makes Shanks feel weak. But, being unable to be near his s/o is one of the few things that does make him feel weak. It’s a constant struggle between wanting to have them around him constantly, but also not wanting to place them in any danger. Ultimately, he decides that not placing them in danger is the better choice, despite how much it pains him.
X-X-ray (what do they hate and show it most obviously?)
Shanks can handle being picked on and ridiculed himself, but he will not tolerate that sort of behaviour towards his friends. The second someone goes after a friend (or someone else he cares about) they are done for.
Y-Yearn (what is one thing that they want but can’t have?)
LMFAOOOOOO WHY DID MY BRAIN AUTOMATICALLY THINK “his arm back” OOP-
I’M SORRY BUT I LITERALLY CAN’T THINK OF ANYTHING ELSE OTHER THAN HIS ARM HAHAHAHAHAH
Z-Zero (what do they do/say in your dying moments?)
He’d try to crack a few jokes to at least help you feel better. Other than that, he just tries to make the most of your final moments together.
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hacked-by-jake · 3 years
Note
Hey!
I've just got broken up with after 3 years because he cheated on me with multiple girls... (And blamed me for it)
Can I please request some Jake fluff? I leave it up to your artistic freedom, I just wanna feel better for a bit
Love your little stories, thank you for writing ❤️
The Truth
A/n: Hey dear, I hope you’re okay, I’m really sorry about what happened to you and thank you for telling me that. The words I will say are known from everywhere but they are true.You definitely deserve something much better than him. First of all, it is not your fault that he cannot control himself; it is not your fault that he cannot see your value. He doesn’t deserve you, and you don’t deserve to listen, it’s your fault. Even though it’s always easier said than done but you have to forget it. He's not worth your time, he's not worth your power, and he's not worth anything else. I wish you much strength and send you much love. Feel hugged and if you want to talk to someone you don’t know, feel free to write to me❤️❤️❤️
So, when I saw your message, I jumped right up to write this. I really hope you like it and that it will cheer you up a bit. I wish you a wonderful evening/ a wonderful night or a wonderful day. Take care of yourself. And thank you for the sweet compliments.❤️❤️
Summary: Jake tells you the truth.
Words: 2,1 k
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Far away from you, you can hear the quiet bells of the church beating. It’s exactly 12 a.m. on a beautiful summer night.
The cloudless and pitch black sky offers a beautiful view of the sea of stars that sparkles above you and Jake and gives you the feeling that this is the eternity. On the edge of Duskwood town centre, on an abandoned high-rise, you sit cuddling with the Hacker and just watch the Quiet Night. Only occasionally cars drive through the streets of the small town, again and again lights go out in apartments and houses to end the day. The large windows of the shops and stores of the shopping street light up brightly and from up here the few people who are on their way home look like like little ants. You’re leaning your back against Jake’s upper body, and he’s got his arms wrapped around you. His head rests on your shoulder and your legs are knotted together.
You look up at the sky and watch the stars. Every now and then a plane flies by and you imagine yourself sitting up there with Jake on your way to your deserted island.
A beautiful holiday destination that you have traveled two times. A cute little wooden hut surrounded by white sand and crystal clear water. It is just perfect. You remember the moment when you were lying in a hammock with Jake in the middle of the night, under the starry sky and the moonlight, and he read you something from your favorite book. As beautiful as this moment was, as beautiful is this one too. In Jake’s arms, you feel like you own the world, like everything else is standing still and only you and Jake count. And it’s true, up here, it’s just you, him and the eternity.
Satisfied, you sigh, "It’s so lovely here, isn’t it?"
"You're right. It’s the most beautiful thing in the world," Jake whispers in your ear and breathes a tender kiss on your cheek, making you giggle. You turn your head a little to the side to see him, "I’m talking about the sky." He grins slightly, "And I’m talking about something even more beautiful."
Your cheeks turn slightly red and you are glad that it is not visible through the little light. Even after two years of relationship, he still manages to flatter and embarrass you, but the other way around it’s the same.
"You charmer" you joke and turn your head away from him again.
"No, I’m not a charmer. I am a man who only speaks the truth!" He whispers and draws you even closer to his body.
"Oh interesting, and what is the truth?"
He makes a superior sound, "Turn to me," he demands and lets you go so you can move. You do what he asks and turn to him. You sit between his outstretched legs and put your legs over his thighs and slide very close to him.
"Now, I am curious," you wink and look into his eyes that radiate so much love and security that you would like to cry the most, that you have the feeling that a whole zoo would rage in your belly, so tremendously tingles your whole body.
„The truth is that you are the most beautiful thing that could have happened to me. Before, I always felt like I didn’t belong anywhere. As if I were superfluous everywhere and nowhere would a person really understand me. I thought it was my destiny to be misunderstood by everyone and to be an outsider. But when I met you, with your extraordinary kind and your jokes. With your courage and your trust in me, I understood it wasn’t true. I realized that all I had to do was wait for the right person that I found in you. Since I know you, my world is colorful, I see the future and I don’t just live for myself. Or rather, I don’t just exist. Since I know you, my whole life has changed.
When I’m with you, there’s no place I’d rather be. You’re the last thing I think about before I fall asleep, even when you lie next to me every night. You’re the first thing I think about when I wake up, even if you’re half on top of me.
When I look into your beautiful eyes, I can see my future. I never looked for love until you came. I didn’t know that I longed for love and affection, I didn’t know how beautiful life can be. I didn’t know there was a person who made me feel what you made me feel. I had no idea that all I needed was you.
Before, it was just me and my computer. Trying to be anonymous and not letting anyone get too close to me even though that’s what I secretly wanted. All of a sudden, you made my world shine.
Everything I never thought possible became possible when I met you.
You know, MC, there’s flames, but you’re the fireworks, you’re the light that makes me see. Your eyes are my refuge, your touches are my salvation, your voice is my favorite music. Your smell is my healing, your lips my protection, and your love, my life. Your heartbeat is what keeps me alive, I don’t know what I would do without you. I don’t know how a life without you at my side was and is possible. When you enter the room, stops my heart for seconds and then beats twice as fast because you take my breath away.
Every time I look at you, I doubt whether this is the reality. Because I just can’t imagine how someone like you, so perfect, so beautiful, so sweet and tender, can be with me.
I know I talk a lot of messed up and confused stuff and I’m probably repeating myself, but if you could just feel what’s happening inside me while you’re sitting here with me, you’d think I’m crazy. And I am.. I am crazy about you.
I forget the simplest things around you. I forget how to talk and stutter all the time. Breathing is a hard thing too, because my emotions roll over when you’re there. I forget how to walk because I only have eyes for you and no longer look forward.
But I also forget all the bad, I forget all the pain, all the suffering, all the unhappiness. All thanks to you.
When I tell you something, you listen to me and you don’t just pretend. You’re interested in things I like, and even if I tell you boring computer stuff for hours, you listen to me carefully. If I’m not well, you leave everything behind to help me; if I’m happy, you’re happy with me. If someone treats me badly, you say something before I say something myself. You’re defending me from everyone and you’re defending me even if I’m not there.
MC, no one’s ever done this for me.
My heart is beating so fast I think it’s bursting. I feel drunk when you look into my eyes and confuse my mind, I feel so safe and loved. I feel like a human being since you’ve been at my side.
You showed me what happiness means, you showed me what love means. You showed me what life means and how beautiful life can be when you spend it with the right person.
I thank everyone out there that I can have you by my side. That I can be the person who is by your side, who may hold your hand, who may kiss you.
Who can sleep next to you, who can look at you all the time, who can protect you, and I always will. I will protect you from anything that could hurt you.
I would endure any pain in the world to stay by your side.
I would take any pain away from you so that it doesn’t hurt you, I would do anything to maintain your happiness and love. You are my God damn world! You are my angel, my heart, my one and all. You are my freedom and you are my prison, you are my happiness and my pain. You are everything, everything important in this world.
I wish I could describe to you how strong my love is for you but unfortunately there are not enough words to express it. And it drives me crazy that I can’t describe it to you, because I would love to.
I would like to express to you how damn much I love you because you deserve to see how I see you. Because you deserve to hear how perfect you are.
I love you so much that sometimes it scares me because I don’t know how to deal with it if you would to disappear from my life. I would never be happy again MC, I would never laugh again, I would never live again, it would break me, my dear.
We have too much in common. When you go, I go with you, when you cry, I weep with you, and when you live, I live. The truth is, all I am today and what I stand for is because of you, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. You are all that matters to me, I love you so much that my heart hurts. You gave me a life."
Like frozen you stare at him.
You’re not moving, any more than you were during his entire speech.
Silent tears run from your eyes like little streams. Laughing nervously, the hacker also wipes away some tears that he has lost while he poured out his heart and laid it at your feet.
"I also don’t know where that came from," he murmurs in embarrassment and clears his throat.
You don’t know how to react, should you fall into his arms and crush him? Should you kiss him until you can’t breathe? Should you just burst into tears? Or maybe all together?
Your head has trouble processing all its words and your associated feelings, you don’t know if this is really happening. Whether that’s real, whether you’re awake, whether you’re even alive.
It all seems like a dream, like a dream you never want to wake up from, but that’s the beauty. This moment is real, and it is yours.
"Please say something" his voice trembles slightly and he looks up into the sky, "I am afraid that you get up and run away after what I have said."
The worry in his voice finally lets you break out of your trance. Stormily, your arms wrap around his neck to pull him into a hug. From the momentum and the suddenness he has no chance to hold himself upright and tilts with you to himself, backwards. He groans painfully as he comes up on the ground and remains rigidly lying down. You’re hanging on him, clawing at him like someone’s trying to pull you away from him, hiding your head between his neck and his shoulder. Loudly you sob up and a tremble shakes your whole body.
"I love you," you croak weepy. Your voice sounds as if you have excruciating pain, but at this moment you are the happiest person in the world. "I love you so much Jake, so unbelievable that it hurts"
"I love you, too, my dear," he whispers and wraps his arms tightly around your upper body.
"I don’t know what to say. Or rather where to start" a little laugh leaves your lips, "I don’t know how to give it all back to you."
Jake grumbles, "You don’t have to answer or return anything. Please don’t say anything and take it like that," he asks, "Don’t say anything and just kiss me."
Of course you’ll grant him his wish right away. You straighten up and wipe the tears from your face. You put your hands on his cheeks and look deep into his eyes. He smiles as he wipes a few strands of hair from your face and pulls your head down to him and closes his lips with yours.
You stay there until the sun rises.
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🌹🎭
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stovetuna · 3 years
Note
CW: character death and Tony lack of self esteem and self preservation. Ignore if not ur jam
(¬_¬) psssttt angst time. post-Endgame Steve accidentally ending up in 616 and meets that Steve and Tony. And after failing to wrestling ANY info about why this Steve is here, 616-Tony figures out other him is dead and this Steve is taking it badly and this has Tony trying to make MCU-Steve feel better by saying something like well that me probably deserved it??? All us Tonys do (This does not make MCU feel better. Nor does it make 616-Steve very happy)
ANON MY HEART! IT CANNOT TAKE THIS! (she says as she mulls over this prompt for DAYS and even snaps out of half-sleep to write a little bit of it)...
but like, imagine it. Somehow or other Steve ends up in 616!universe—a spell of Dr. Strange’s gone awry, maybe, or a clusterfuck while returning the time stone—and he’s ended up in 616!Tony’s workshop. It’s late, he’s confused and disoriented and grieving, and he’s already making for the ratty sofa (thinking fixing this is a problem for future steve) when he realizes there’s already someone stretched out on it.
not someone. someones. together. wrapped around each other like koalas on a branch. one of them is Tony—no amount of darkness can smother that blue light, or so Steve once thought—and his heart is breaking all over again, when the person wrapped around him, partially hidden behind Tony’s shoulder, raises his head, eyes alert, and Steve realizes it’s him. Himself. Steve Rogers, from another dimension. Universe. Tony would know which. 
Rogers snaps to attention and is standing and interrogating Steve and he manages to not wake Tony up the whole time. This Tony sleeps like a rock, or maybe that’s just because of Rogers, and Steve is spiraling over the fact that maybe that’s all it would have taken to make things right—better—in his own universe. He could have been brave, he could have been strong enough for both of them to walk up to Tony and ask him out, kiss him, something. Instead he lied, and hid, and ran. He’s still running. Meanwhile this taller, broader, stronger version of him chose happiness, because what else could life with Tony Stark be? 
Rogers is grilling him in the semi-darkness, asking questions Steve isn’t sure he’s allowed to answer (the rules of the time heist are still fresh in his mind), but the questioning stops when Steve starts crying and asks him how long they’ve been together. If it was enough to stop their fight, and everything that happened after.
Rogers tells him they were too late to stop the Civil War, but they pulled their heads out of their asses eventually. When Steve mentions Thanos, Rogers’ face flashes recognition but not the same level of grief Steve feels like a railroad spike lodged in his heart. Whatever else has happened in this universe, Thanos hasn’t, and this Steve and Tony are together. Steve can’t stop thinking this is all just a cruel nightmare disguised as a tear in the fabric of the universe. 
And then the lights come on at a dim 30%, revealing a Tony Stark who is whole and alive and very, very different from the man Steve knew. While Steve stands there poleaxed in crisis mode (Stark mentions “blue screening” which is a reference Steve does get and he hurts all the more deeply because of it), Rogers fills Stark in on what he knows about Steve, when he showed up, what they’ve talked about. When Rogers mentions Steve’s question about their relationship, something brightens in Stark’s blue eyes.
“Your universe’s Tony Stark is dead, isn’t he?”
Steve makes a sound that is something between a sob and a laugh. Of course Stark would figure it out with the least amount of information at hand. In response, Rogers grabs Stark’s hand. He’s gone deathly pale, as if the very thought of losing Tony is too terrible to imagine, and he shares a look with Stark that speaks volumes, because Stark looks just as grim. Something happened there, Steve thinks—one or the other of them died, or came close enough to put the fear of it in them for life. 
And then Stark opens his mouth and says “If your universe’s Tony Stark was anything like me, and categorically speaking he probably was, he probably deserved it.”
Steve’s gut plummets because Jesus Christ, does Tony Stark not have any sense of self-worth, in any universe?? Apparently he and Rogers are the same wavelength—shocker—because he rounds on Stark with “Tony, we’ve talked about this” while Stark waves him off with a scoff. 
“This isn’t low self-esteem talking, Steve—you know my track record when it comes to near death experiences. How many would you say have been the inevitable result of my own actions?” 
Rogers’s face flattens. His lips and eyes narrow. “Too many.”
“Right. So am I right, or am I right?” Stark asks Steve, but Steve’s tongue has cleaved to the roof of his mouth. Of course, Tony Stark was always able to talk enough for three people, even if two of them were, technically, the same person. “He probably went down thinking he was the only one who could fix whatever was broken, walked right into a coffin he made himself, literally if not figuratively.” 
Steve swallows. “Actually,” he says, thinking of the gauntlet fused to Tony’s armor, which had fused to his arm, “it was something like that.” 
Steve’s eyes laser in on their joined hands, tearing up when he sees Stark squeeze Rogers’s fingers. A small touch of reassurance, stabilizing and loving, to remind Rogers he was still here. Still breathing. Still alive. The look Rogers sends Stark is so warm, so full of things Steve doesn’t have the strength to name, it threatens to shove him deeper into an already devastating downward spiral. 
So of course Stark chooses that moment to look at Steve and be his usual smart self, because some things are truly universal, and Tony Stark’s intelligence and ability to read people is one of them. 
“You never told him?” 
Steve shakes his head. Rogers makes a small, hapless sound, like the thought of never telling Tony Stark his feelings, being with him, is too sad to consider. It is—Steve can honestly say it is, and of the two of them, Steve is the only one who has to live with the consequences of the choice he made (and made, over and over again) for the rest of his life.
Whatever nonverbal communication passes between the two men, Steve doesn’t see it. He’s too busy staring through blurry eyes at the floor of the workshop, wishing this nightmare would end so he could go back to his own universe and not have to be confronted with the life he wishes he could have had with a man who was now dead. 
He’s so wrapped up in his own misery, he doesn’t register movement until two socked feet stop in front of his shoes and he looks up to see Stark standing there, eyebrows knitted in concern and wonder and, worst of all, understanding. Like he’s been where Steve is, lost and bereft, irreparably heartbroken. Did this Tony lose his Steve? How? Rogers is standing right there. But Steve has seen Stark’s expression in his own mirrored reflection every morning for the past year, and while he was never on par with Tony Stark’s genius, he could read people too. Stark knows this kind of loss as deeply as Steve does now.
“We’ll get you home first thing,” Stark tells him, but it sounds like a line to quell Steve’s nerves, which it does, and a good thing too, because Stark is moving into Steve’s personal space as he says it, breathing his air and meeting his gaze straight on. “Nod if you understand?” 
Of course Stark would be considerate of Steve’s inability to speak when they’re this close. Steve nods. 
“Can I give you something, Steve? If I know myself—and I do, really, even if my judgement isn’t always perfectly sound—your Tony would have wanted to give it to you himself. But life wasn’t fair to either of you, I think. Not that it ever is, but, I’d like to correct the imbalance in some small way. Is that okay?”
Steve nods before he realizes he’s doing it, like his body knows what’s coming before his brain does and he’s helpless to resist. 
Logically, Steve knows this isn’t his Tony. Not because his Tony is dead—although that does play a major factor—but because this one is so unlike him. This Tony, Stark—he’s too tall, Steve’s mind supplies, too young, too broad; his hair is too dark and his eyes are too blue. 
But Steve Rogers would recognize Tony Stark anywhere, in any dimension. In any universe. And if it means getting to give Tony everything he was too scared to offer him in life, even for a second—let alone getting some of it back—then so much the better. 
Stark pulls him in for a kiss like it’s second nature to him. Muscle memory. But to Steve, it’s a shock to the system. Every hair on his body is standing on end. He gasps against Stark’s lips and suddenly fingers are buried in his hair, tugging him closer before he can stop and ask them if this is okay, if they know what this means to Steve, if he can actually have this. 
A sob sticks in his throat as he finally musters the wherewithal to kiss back. Stark takes it handily, licking a hot, wet line across Steve’s bottom lip before Steve slants left and kisses him hard and deep, wrapping his arms around the similar-yet-unfamiliar frame.   Kissing Stark, Steve realizes, makes him happy, in a profoundly genuine, comforting way he hasn’t felt in years, and the only way to express it is to wrap a hand around the back of Stark’s neck, just below the nape, and suck the moan right out of his mouth. Even if that happiness is soured by his implacable grief, he can shove that into the back of his mind long enough to luxuriate in the feeling of Stark’s tongue brushing against his soft palate, those hard, scarred workman’s hands sliding up under his shirt to splay soft across his lower back. He feels safe, and happy, and loved. 
And if he imagines his Tony in Stark’s place, no one has to know. And if they did, Steve doesn’t think either of them would judge him for it. His instinct is confirmed when Steve pulls away long enough—breathing hard, just like Stark, who looks for all the world like someone who just fell off a Tilt-a-Whirl ass-backwards—to look over Stark’s shoulder at Rogers, who’s staring hungrily at both of them like he doesn’t know whether to pounce or stay put. The tent in his sweatpants speaks for itself. 
Before Steve can piece two coherent thoughts together—like does he feel weird about an alternative universe version of himself being turned on by this? or does he need to stop kissing Stark before this gets out of hand? how is he supposed to get home? how is he supposed to live without this now that he’s had a taste of it?—Stark is pulling him back in for a kiss that tunes out all the noise and warms him through, tucked in the safe, quiet, happy circle of Stark’s arms.
Steve holds the man and the moment as close as he can, as long as he can, and he’s grateful, for the first time in his life after coming out of the ice, for the silence. 
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enha-woodzies · 3 years
Text
➸ CHAPTER 10 | " AT LONG LAST PT. 2 "
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starring: enhypen ft. daniel
pairing: jungwon x fem!reader x sunghoon
genres: royal au, romance, angst, slowburn, 18th century setting
word count: 2.4k
taglist: @serendipitysung (betareader) @en-sun @affectionaterainoflove @renkiv @softforjungwoo @jislix @gyeraniee @fluffi @stxrryemxlys @jungwon-luv-bot-pt3 @lost-lepord-beanie @hyunsunge @hooniecore @thenoceurgirl @thonkingdeepo
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[ PREV. CHAPTER ] | [ M. LIST ] | [ NEXT CHAPTER ]
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One of the strangest things about love is that it will make you feel rooted one moment, then wavered by the next; all by the person whom you treated like your resting place — only for them to be tired of you in their next waking day. In Jungwon’s case, he didn’t feel threatened by the marquess’ efforts to acquire his girl. Despite Y/n’s plead to stop the unlabeled thing going on between them, Jungwon refused to feel daunted. So he did what he does best: expressing his sentiments in the form of written words— the language of the unsaid.
The night Y/n ended things between them, Jungwon made a quick stop to their library to write down a few of the many things she did to him on the daily; it contained some of the uncountable things he wanted to say to her if she’d only listened. He poured out his heart, writing to the best of his ability with all the love and warmth she deserved, hoping his adoration would reach her if it wasn’t too late yet.
Crumpling away various parchments and scratching several more, he finally had it neatly tucked in between the pages of their favorite Jane Austen book she threw at him weeks prior. Before leaving the said book upon the large, round table in the center of the room, Jungwon topped it off with a little quote, once again, peeking from the worn-out cover of the antique novel.
“I will go if you need me to go, but bear in mind that I don’t want to leave. I have no other homeland but you. So I will patiently sit in the corner of your heart and wait for our time.”
If it weren’t for Jay’s knowledge about his friend’s almost parting gift, Y/n wouldn’t be rushing down their manor’s library with an eager yet tormented heart the day after. She immediately clasped the book, the repertoire of their precious memories and Jungwon’s poetic affection, the instant she saw it lying on the surface of her late father’s desk.
Y/n pulled out the tiny parchment with Jungwon’s last quote, putting down the book back on the wooden desk. She carefully muttered each word as if it was an ode, constantly bouncing in her mind back and forth.
Her heart found a bit of relief behind his written words, yet she still found it vague that he couldn’t face her and tell her himself. Y/n picked the book again and as she flicked through the pages, a small, handwritten envelope caught her attention. Her heart began to thump.
She gently tore the envelope open only to be welcomed by several folded papers brimming at the edge of the torn covering. Jungwon got her used to the underlined phrases and pieces of quotes, and almost nothing from Jungwon’s heart itself. And now suddenly, all the letters were about her, from the depths of her lover’s affection.
“Be still, my heart.” She whispered under her shaky breath.
My dearest Y/n,
We made quite a mess, don’t you think? Or rather, I did.
When I didn’t react to your efforts of reaching out,
I'm sure you thought I'd gone on or despised you.
I bet it never ever occurred to you that I just couldn’t
bring myself to say "hello" and risk another goodbye.
You wore your best dress that day we departed,
and you were there to watch me leave.
And all the times you let me in just for me to screw things up and leave again.
I’ve been trying to undo what I did to you by making amends.
I’m trying so hard, believe me.
Everything I said in the past and the phrases I underlined in attempts to confess to you,
They were all true.
I cannot stop thinking of you, my thoughts of you never end.
They’re so loud they prevent me from sleeping at night.
I’ve been restlessly rehearsing the words I’d tell you if time didn’t forbid.
But unfortunately, it appears that my time in your heart is up.
Truth be told, we were something, don’t you think?
I cannot shrug away the thought that we were nothing when
I could feel your calm breath against my heaving chest,
It felt like you were meant to reside there, in the warmth of my embrace.
I’m afraid I couldn’t bear myself to write more of these.
They don’t deserve to be kept in any longer.
If you still wish to talk to me and hear me out before giving your hand away,
Meet me in the Queen’s Garden at dusk tomorrow.
Jay has agreed to chaperone you there,
But he must leave us to ourselves when we reach the Catalpa tree.
Until then, I will remain in the state of waiting, for the last time.
— Forever yours, Jungwon
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The awaited dusk came upon, and it was a shocker for Y/n that she rejected Sunghoon’s plea to spend the day together over an impulsive meeting with Jungwon. Jay helped lift his sister from the horse, firmly securing his grip on her corseted waist. Her heart was in a weary state; she feared it would be a cycle again of Jungwon acting out his affection and leaving her hanging when their moment’s up. She couldn’t trust him fully anymore, knowing he had recklessly wasted so much borrowed time and promises.
“Are you sure you’ll be fine? I can stay by the gazebo and wait for you.”
“It’s alright, Jay. Didn’t he promise you that he’d send me home? Ride safe, brother!”
Jay walked closer to her and draped his arm around her shoulder, planting a long, soft kiss on the crown of her head. “See you at home, sis.”
Y/n heaved a deep breath before taking baby steps towards the Catalpa tree where Jungwon had been lounging hours prior. With a heavy heart and romantic complications in mind, she stood in front of the lover she forced herself to detest; eyes never leaving his.
But Jungwon, being easily distracted by her tantalizing eyes, quickly averted his gaze to the grass he had been standing on. His confident stance stripped away though he mustered the courage to look at the beautiful pair, as the object of his affection gradually approached him.
“Why didn’t you come and talk to me yourself?”
“Would you have listened?” Y/n ran out of retorts as she was guilty enough, cutting Jungwon’s explanations that night in their garden.
The boy drew closer to her, softly lifting her resting hand to interlock it with his. “Y/n…” only to be shrugged away by the maiden.
“You must have gone crazy, coming here like this. Tell me, are you that desperate to impel your pride-”
“This is not about my pride! I-” Jungwon ran a hand through his hair as he let out a frustrated sigh, realizing what he just did. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to raise my voice. It upsets me to know that you still think this is all for my ego, supposing you’ve read the letters I left you.”
“So you’ve been living in denial all these years?”
“I never meant to come between you and him.”
“Yet here we are. Someone’s caught in the middle, and it’s definitely not you, Jung.” The boy stared down at his worn-out boots, million-dollar thoughts running through his mind, yet he couldn’t find the ones he needed to say.
“Do you want me to start it off for you?” Y/n crossed her arms, trying her best to compose a cold approach to Jungwon, although the chap’s been looking unkempt like he hasn’t slept for days in every passing minute of their imminent bickering.
“Haven’t you gotten the letters?”
“I did.”
“Is there anything you want to say about it?” Y/n scoffed at the timid boy who was shattered by the lady’s callousness.
“You asked me to come here, Jungwon! All this time you’ve said nothing but a few words to me. Are you even serious right now?” She half-yelled in frustration.
“I’m trying to prevent myself from saying the wrong things.”
“You’ve barely been able to look me in the eye!”
“For the reason that I cannot bear witness to the misery I’ve caused you!”
Y/n gulped when she saw a tear grazing down Jungwon’s dimpled cheek. It was the first time she’d seen him cry in a long time, the last one being the day he left her for university five years ago.
“It pains me,” he stammered, breaths shaky as tears kept dripping down the grassy lawn. “It pains me to know that I’ve yet again, caused you another heartache. If there was anything I could do to bring back the hands of time, I would. I would do it in a heartbeat. If I could go back to when we were thirteen, on the exact day I left you for London, I would vow to you then and there that I will spend every lifetime with you when I get back.” Jungwon went on and on, eyes now fixated upon her sparkling orbs that reflected the full moon above them.
“But I was a stubborn, scared, idle bloke who’s now deserving of punishment. It’s long overdue, but I still think I deserve this, and I’m sorry. I’m tremendously sorry that it took your beautiful marquess to be caught in the middle of our mess for me to realize that you were my all and more. You are my all and more, Y/n. I couldn’t bear this any longer. My feelings will not be silenced this time, and I must let you hear of how I truly, madly, and deeply love you now more than ever. I’d hate myself for eternity if it came to the conclusion of having to lose the one real thing I’ve ever hoped for in this lifetime. If the mighty heavens don’t forbid us to love again, I swear I’d love you right.”
“Why are you telling me this now? You had all the chances, Jung. Why did it have to be in the most unsuitable moment where Mother and the Duke are preparing for the imminent wedding?!”
“Sometimes you don’t fully know the answer until someone’s breaking badly in front of you. I’m sorry, Y/n. But I’m here now, in all my glory, swallowing my pride, and laying my armor down if you choose to rather love than fight.”
Jungwon approached her. Too close until an inch of distance was left between them. His eyes had been watering with tears the entire time he was rambling his feelings, but he wiped her glistening tears away instead, bearing in mind that he’s making up for lost times. His face was mere inches away from hers, breaths fanning against each other as Y/n sniffs lightly with Jungwon’s nose bumping against hers.
“I love you, Y/n. My longing for you aches like piled-up bricks pushed against my chest, as my love for you burns, heavily and passionately, like a thousand suns set ablaze right before our very eyes. My heart is, and always will be, yours. You’ve imparted me this quote once from a book you found scattered around my room. ‘Only the deepest love will persuade me into matrimony’ and I had carved it into the depths of my soul, putting myself under the commitment of being worthy of your choice. I grew confident because I know you love me truly more than him.”
Jungwon raised her flimsy hand and kissed it with much intent before placing it around his shoulders and having his hand rest on the small of her back. With his other hand hanging freely to his side, he lifted it up to graze his gentle fingers upon the lady’s soft cheek, carefully taking in her satisfied reaction to his touch as she kept her eyes closed and her lips parted. Jungwon pulled her chin up with his forefinger, his thumb softly pinching it in the aftermath. He brushes his nose against hers, bathing in each other’s warmth and shy touches, bodies electric.
“Marry me.”
Y/n shoots a concerned look at Jungwon, “but what about Lady Choi? I thought you two-”
“No one else could make me the happiest man in this world, Y/n, no one but you.” Jungwon wasted no time and crashed his lips against hers. First, and long-awaited kisses are finally shared under the illuminating beam of the fullest moon of the year. The gent tilts his head to the side, gaining more access to the lady’s lips as Y/n heaves a deep breath, slowly taking in his upper lip within hers.
He pulls away mere seconds after to get some oxygen into his system while taking the opportunity to continue his unrehearsed proposal. “My heart will only rest in yours. Marry me, Y/n, will you?”
The lady buried her face against his chest that was clad in blue, velvety frock coat adorned with gold embroidery upon its hems. She sniffed his immaculate scent in before letting out muffled whispers. “Give me time to reflect on it. Only then will I give you my answer.”
“Time, of course. As much as you need, my love.” Jungwon gave her a quick and final kiss on the lips before freeing her from his embrace. “I must get you home now. Your mother would be frantic if she knew you were frolicking around with me while she worries about your wedding plans with Sunghoon.”
“Don’t say that. He hasn’t proposed to me yet.”
“But when he does, I’m certain your mother won’t pass up the chance.”
Y/n kissed him back. Fleeting, but full of love. “It’s me who’s getting married, Jung, not her.”
“I love you.”
“You’ve said it already.”
“I will say it again if I have to.” Y/n chuckles lightly, feeling relieved now that Jungwon has trampled down the barriers preventing them from transparency.
The gent lifts her up to his white horse before following after. He instantly took hold of her hands and had them wrapped around his small waist. “Hold on tight. We’re past my promised hour so I’m going to have to speed up, okay?” Y/n didn’t say anything, instead, she hugged Jungwon tightly by the waist and snurfled her cheek against his back. It was enough affirmation for him, so he yanked the thick rope, revving his horse on the cobblestones on their way home.
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imagine-loki · 3 years
Text
Omega Mine
TITLE: Omega Mine
CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: 33/?
AUTHOR: nekoamamori
ORIGINAL IMAGINE: Loosely based on: Imagine Loki discovers the Avengers have an omega who has healing powers living with them. He’s an Alpha and he wants her, badly. 
RATING: M  
NOTES/WARNINGS:  Also on AO3 click here
Loki kissed you until you were breathless.  Only then did he pull back to let you catch your breath.  “You’re far too good at that,” you informed him as you were focusing on breathing again.  
Loki chuckled, “I am known as Silvertongue for a reason,” he replied with a seductive purr.  You kissed his nose, uninterested in anything having to do with sex after your week of heat.  Loki smirked, but respected your unspoken wish.  “There is something I need you to do for me,” he changed the subject, but gave you a gentle look that indicated that you probably weren’t going to like what he had to say.  Though unlike a lot of other people in your life, he was treating you like an equal, not like a helpless Omega.  
You looked up into his eyes.  “You need me to do something for you?” You asked incredulously.  What could you possibly do for him that he couldn’t do for himself?
Loki smiled.  “Yes, little Omega,” he said warmly.  “The mating bond is only half completed.  You need to finish your half,” he informed you.  He sounded like he was reminding you, but you had no idea what he was talking about.  Your hand went to the mating mark on your neck.  That was the only mating bond you knew about.  An Alpha claimed an Omega by marking them and the mating magic bound them together.  They could do so by force, though that was rare nowadays with all of the protections in place for Omegas.  But the entire mating was an Alpha claiming an Omega.  You’d never heard of an Omega having a part to play in the process.
“I don’t understand,” you told Loki softly.  “An Alpha claims an Omega and that’s the end of it,” you reminded him.
Loki’s eyes widened in shock.  “That’s…. Only half of it,” he said softly, searching your eyes for recognition of what he was talking about.  He cursed softly when he didn’t get that recognition.  “The bond isn’t complete until the Omega claims their Alpha in return.  Midgardians have apparently forgotten that part of the bond… no wonder…” he trailed off.  No wonder your society was so out of balance.
“So… you want me to mark you?” You asked him as you tried to wrap your head around the concept.  
Loki nodded.  “Exactly so,” he replied. “The bond remains incomplete until you do.  It is… a handicap to have it incomplete,” he tried to explain.  “Right now, it is only half a bond.  We cannot share our strengths, nor help the other…” he shook his head when he saw the expression on your face.  “Please, Elskling, please trust me,” Loki asked.  He didn’t ask for a lot, but he was asking for everything now.
“But… Loki, it’ll hurt you!” You protested.  You would have to bite him, to break the skin and draw blood.  Alphas usually did it at the moment of orgasm to mask that moment of pain with pleasure.  
“Just for a moment,” Loki agreed.  
You paled and gripped one of his hands with both of yours, needing the grounding of his presence. “You’re my Alpha, I can’t hurt you!” You insisted, panicking over the thought of hurting him when he’d been nothing but kind to you.
Loki chuckled and pulled you into his arms.  He stroked your hair gently to soothe you.  “Elskling, it’s alright, I promise.  It will only hurt for a moment and I have been through much worse pain in my life,” he reminded you.  He’d been tortured by Thanos before he’d been sent to Earth to find one of the infinity stones hidden here. 
“Torture?” You mewed.  You didn’t want to do anything that would remind him of that pain and torture.  You couldn’t stand the thought of your Alpha in pain.  It was an Omega’s nature to care for and heal your Alpha.  
“I need you to do this, Elskling.  I know it’s hard.  I know it goes against your very nature.  I promise, it will only hurt for a moment,” Loki told you gently as he stroked your hair and cuddled you close to soothe you.  “The bond needs to be completed,”
“Loki… I want to, but…” you couldn’t bear the thought of hurting him and marking him.  It was so foreign.  
Loki considered that and pressed a kiss to your hair.  “I understand that you do not wish to hurt me,” he said gently.  “How about a compromise?”
You looked up at him, grasping onto the hope he was giving you.  “What compromise?” You asked.
“I know you have no interest in sex after you were just in heat and I respect that wholeheartedly.  I would never press or force you,” Loki said quickly.  “However, it might be easier on you to mark me if you use the Alpha’s technique of making the mark at the moment of orgasm,” he suggested.  
You felt your cheeks heat at the suggestion and the image in your mind.  But you were also inexperienced and didn’t know how Loki was suggesting this happen without you having sex.  “H-how?” You finally asked stupidly.  He said he wouldn’t press you to have sex…
Loki chuckled.  “There are many, many ways to bring pleasure without intercourse,” he reminded you.  How many times had he brought you to that pleasure with his mouth or tongue while you were in heat?  
“Right…” you agreed, feeling dumb for not knowing that.  
Loki placed his fingers under your chin and forced you to look up at him.  He kissed you softly.  “It’s alright, Elskling.  We have centuries for both of us to get experience together,” he reassured you.  “For now, you can use a hand,” he suggested.  
A hand.  That was safe.  That wouldn’t hurt you when you were so repulsed by sex, but would give Loki pleasure and let you mark him when the pain would be negated by the pleasure you gave him.  You nodded. “Yes.  I can manage that,” you said softly.
Loki kissed your forehead.  “Good girl,” he purred.  You melted at the praise.  
A few kisses later and Loki vanished his clothes.  It left him in the vulnerable position as you were still fully dressed, especially the all-important fuzzy socks.  You realized that he was doing it to help you feel more in control, safer.  He guided your hand to his semi-erect cock and showed you how best to stroke, then to pump it once it was hard.  When you had the hang of it, he pulled you into a kiss.  The kiss didn’t stop his delicious moans of pleasure as you worked him. The skin of his cock was soft, though his erection was hard and large in your grip as you pumped.  He shifted his hips and made a noise, whining for you to increase the pace.  He acted like a needy Omega and you realized that was also for your benefit.  He was playing a role to make you more comfortable and you loved him deeply for it.  You gave him what he needed, working him hard and fast.  
He finally broke the kiss and pulled your head down to his neck.  You had felt his cock swell and knew he was getting close.  “Now,” he rasped, his voice husky and deep with the pleasure that was building.  
You hesitated a moment, unsure, but at his insistence, sank your teeth into his neck where he held you.  He cried out in a mix of pain and pleasure as his orgasm hit at the same time.  You tasted his blood in your mouth and had a moment of panic at what you’d done.
That panic only lasted a moment before you felt the rest of the bond settle into place.  You hadn’t understood what Loki had meant until you felt the full bond.  He had been right.  You’d only been bound to him earlier, not the other way around.  He had been able to feel you, but that was it.  Now there was an open connection between you, one that couldn’t be broken, couldn’t be blocked or stopped.  You would always know when the other was in danger, or needed physical or emotional support.  Loki could take peace from you and you could take strength from him freely.  It was so much more and so much better than the bond had been.
Peace filled you both when the bond was settled in place.
Loki pulled you close to let you rest on his chest as the wound was healing.  He healed quickly so it already wasn’t bleeding any more.  “You did well, Elskling.  The bond is complete,” he purred.
“It’s amazing,” you agreed as you nuzzled close.  Then something hit you.  “Wait… did you say centuries?”
Loki laughed.  “Yes, Elskling.  With the bond complete, you’ll live as long as I do.  Which will be a few thousand more years,”
You just gaped at that bombshell.  Thousands of years?
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Text
Diabolik Lovers DARK FATE ー Reiji Maniac [Prologue]
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ー The scene starts on the balcony of Banmaden
Shin: ーー Nii-san.
Carla: How is Ayato doing?
Shin: Still in a deep slumber per usual. Whether you stomp or kick him, he gives no reaction whatsoever. Almost like a corpse. 
Can’t we just kill him already?
Carla: Stop. We need him to lure out that woman. If you dare harm him, you will be punished. (1)
Shin: ...Ugh.
Why are we prolonging the process by relying on a hostage?
Whatever. I’m going straight to those Vampires’ castle and demand they hand over the woman!
Carla: No need to rush.
Shin: But...!
Carla: Shin, this is like a game of chess.
Shin: Eh...?
Carla: One must not focus solely on taking down the pieces right in front of them.
If you act hastily, unnecessary sacrifices will be made.
Shin: ...I get what you’re trying to say, but why are you being so careful?
Carla: ...Sakamaki Reiji.
Shin: Eh...?
Carla: The Vampire who was by her side ーー It appeared to me that he was rather sharp of an individual.
He will most likely come to us himself. Then the game will begin.
ー The scene shifts to the bedroom of Richter’s manor
Reiji: ...
*Thud*
Reiji: ...Phew.
( All necessary preparations have been made. Which leaves ーー )
Yui: ...
Reiji: Fufu, she is sound asleep.
( I should go while I have the chance. It pains me to leave without a single word, but I simply cannot keep on bringing her in more danger. )
( Furthermore, if my prediction is on point, this is the best move. )
Yui: ...
ー He leans in
Reiji: I’ll get going. ...Nn.
*Smooch*
ー Reiji leaves the room
*TIMESKIP*
Yui: ーー Nn...
*Rustle rustle*
Yui: Huh...? Reiji-san...?
( Reiji-san’s gone. Why...? )
*Rustle*
Yui: ...? This isーー
*Flip*
Yui: ...!
( This is a letter from Reiji-san! )
ー A flashback ensues
Reiji: ーー Please forgive me for leaving you behind.
I will now head towards the Founders’ quarters to retrieve Ayato. I am fairly certain I have pinpointed their whereabouts. 
Please try and behave until I return.
Furthermore, be careful of Richter. Do not trust him under any circumstances.
Until we meet again. I love you, Yui.
ー The flashback ends
Yui: ...Reiji-san...
( I’m sure he went by himself because he doesn’t want to bring me into danger. )
( He said his senses are currently numbed by the Lunar Eclipse so I wonder if he’ll be okay? )
( Knowing Reiji-san, I doubt he has asked any of his brothers for help. )
( However, I might just have to rely on them. )
( I wonder if there isn’t some way for me to contact the Sakamaki castle? )
( ...However, if I act of my own accord, I might end up troubling Reiji-san again... )
*Knock knock*
Yui: ...!
???: I’m coming in.
Yui: Richter-san...
Richter: I made some tea. Would you like to enjoy a cup together?
Yui: Eh...?
( What should I do...? )
( He’s being so kind to offer, but I should probably... )
Yui: Sorry. I’ll pass for now.
Richter: ...I see.
ー Richter leaves again
Yui: ( ...Did I do the wrong thing? )
ー The scene shifts to the outside of Banmaden
Carla: ーー So you have come?
Reiji: Good evening, First Blood gentlemen. 
I am flattered by the warm welcome. (2)
( As expected, they predicted that I would come by myself. )
( This is where the real game begins... )
ー The scene shifts to the reception hall
Carla: ーー Let me hear what you have to say.
Reiji: Well then, let me not waste any time...I have come to retrieve my younger brother. Would you be so kind to return him to me?
Shin: We won’t give him back for free. I’m sure someone as clever as yourself has figured out as much?
Reiji: I cannot hand over Yui. However, I will gladly accept any other request.
Carla: Hmph. ...So that is your approach.
Shin: Are you messing with us!? What else would we even want!?
Carla: Very well.
Shin: Nii-san...!?
Carla: It might be difficult to overwhelm him in one move. In which case, he shall get rid of the other pieces in the way first, before snatching the Queen.
Reiji: Oh dear. Do you enjoy chess? I have a feeling the two of us would get along splendidly
Carla: I have no intention of getting along with you. (3)
Reiji: Now that is truly unfortunate. Personally, I would have loved to sit down with you for a nice chat.
For example...Regarding your ‘plans’, perhaps?
Shin: You little...!
Carla: Shin.
Shin: ...Ugh.
Carla: Reiji, was it?
Your objective is to retrieve your younger brother. Therefore, I would assume that talking about anything else would be a simple waste of time.
Reiji: Good point. My sincere apologies.
( I suppose he will not take my bait that easily... )
( There must be some sort of reason as to why they are after Yui. Especially since her blood is known to be special. )
( I do not know whether they have a concrete plan in mind but if only I could get a better grasp on their goal and ulterior motive... )
Carla: You said you would agree with any other request, no?
Reiji: I am a man of my word after all.
Carla: In that case, become my subordinate.
Shin: Wha...What are you saying, Nii-san!?
Reiji: ( I see. So that is the move he has chosen to make. Carla...I cannot underestimate this man. )
Very well. However, I will not let you have Yui regardless.
Carla: I do not mind.
Shin: You’re trusting this guy!? He might simply pretend to vow loyalty to then try and stab a knife in your back!?
Or rather, that’s obviously his intention!
Reiji: I suppose I cannot blame you for not trusting me. In that caseーー
Shin: ...!
Carla: You bowed down, huh...? However, that is not sufficient.
Grab my hand and press it against your forehead.
Reiji: Understood, my Lord.
Shin: ...Tsk.
Reiji: Please call me at once if you need something. I will be on call until then.
Carla: Very well.
Shin. Bring out Ayato.
Shin: ...Fine.
ー Shin walks away
Reiji: ( ...This concludes game one. Under no circumstances will I let you grab the Queen, First Blood. )
( Furthermore, I will be the last one standing. )
*TIMESKIP*
Reiji: ーー Well then, I shall take my leave now.
My sincere gratitude for returning Ayato.
ー Reiji leaves
Shin: ...Nii-san, why did you do that!? Why would you make him your underling? 
Carla: I simply moved one pawn to obtain the Queen.
Shin: I don’t understand. Why would someone as powerful as yourself bother going through the extra trouble?
Carla: Raw power will only get you so far. While it may be necessary to take the offensive at times, you cannot win the game solely with strength.
Perhaps you should deepen your knowledge on chess a little more.
Shin: ...Roger.
ー The scene shifts to the living room of Richter’s manor
Yui: ...?
Richter: ...
Yui: ( I wonder what’s wrong with Richter-san? He seems to be sulking while sitting on the staircase. )
Richter: ...Oh, it’s you. Is something wrong?
Yui: I figured I would grab myself a glass of water...
Richter: I see...
Yui: ( I wonder why he seems down? Is he feeling under the weather, perhaps? )
( I know I have to take Reiji-san’s words to heart, but a little chat wouldn’t hurt, I suppose... )
Uhm, Richter-san? Is something the matter?
Richter: No...I just ended up remembering Cordelia.
She is no longer with us.
I will never be able to see her again, no matter how badly I want to...
Yui: Richter-san...
( Reiji-san called him a fool, but when I see him like this... )
ー Reiji enters the room
Reiji: Oh my, both of you are together it seems.
Yui: Reiji-san...!
Richter: Why are you carrying Ayato in your arms?
Reiji: I will fill you in on the details later. I would like to bring him to a room now.
Let us go, Yui.
Yui: Y-Yes...
*TIMESKIP*
ー The scene shifts to the bedroom
Reiji: ...Phew. I suppose this means we will have one less thing to worry about.
Yui: ...I was worried since you suddenly disappeared, you know?
Reiji: I left you a note, did I not?
Yui: You did but...You were going up against Founders, right?
Besides, the Eclipse is still ongoing, so I was worried whether you’d be okay all by yourself...
Reiji: I see. Thank you very much. However, as you can see, I am unscathed.
Furthermore, I was able to safely retrieve Ayato.
Yui: That’s true, but still...
( I’m genuinely relieved both of them made it back safely, yet... )
( I still wish he would stop acting by himself... )
However, how did you come to an agreement with Carla-san and his brother?
Reiji: Do you wish to know? In that case, please let me suck your blood. To the point where you will feel lightheaded and collapse.
Yui: Eeh!?
Reiji: Fufu, that was a joke.
Yui: ( I feel as if he just skillfully dodged my question... )
( Did he do something which has to remain a secret...? )
Reiji: Well then, what to do next...?
Yui: Aren’t we going to the pharmaceutical facility?
Reiji: No, we will stay here for a while and evaluate the situation.
I do not feel satisfied simply grabbing a few pieces. Now that we have come this far, we might as well aim for victory.
Yui: ( ...Knowing Reiji-san, I’m sure he’s got plenty of ideas running through his head again but... )
( I honestly have no idea what he’s thinking... )
( I wish he wouldn’t do anything dangerous... )
ーー TO BE CONTINUED ーー 
Translation notes 
(1) 断罪する or ‘danzai suru’ can imply both ‘to convict (for crime)’ in general or refer to beheading. I don’t know if Carla would go as far as to behead his own brother, hence why I went with the more neutral ‘punish’. 
(2) Literally he says he feels flattered since they went out of their way to come and greet him outside.
(3) In Japanese, the expression 話が合いそう or ‘hanashi ga aisou’ is used, which more specifically focuses on getting along in terms of having a conversation with each other, since you would both be interested in the same topic. However, in English I decided to translate it as ‘to get along’, so I had to adapt Carla’s phrase a little. A more literal translation would be ‘I have nothing to tell you’ or ‘I have nothing I want to talk about with you’.
→  LIKE MY TRANSLATIONS? SUPPORT ME ON KO-FI!
<- [ Dark Epilogue ] [ Maniac 01 ] ->
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julieloveupstead · 3 years
Text
We're good. I just..., baby I'm just worried about you because I love you so much - (Upstead 08x14)
Description : A show of love, support and understanding. I love them.
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Hailey sat on the couch, she was alone, the only sound coming from the TV. She waited for Jay who had gone to his place to get some clothes, by this time Hailey had cooled down and all the adrenaline that had been pulling at her all day was now subsiding. She felt bad about what she had done today, admittedly not a big deal but still. Again, she allowed her Sergeant's words to gaslight her doubts about her professional skills. She couldn't understand why Voight's opinions meant so much to her. It was the same thing last year, Hailey had done everything she could to make herself look like her boss, she'd gone to New York because of him, and it had taught her that she couldn't follow in Voight's footsteps because it would end badly. For so many years, she'd had evidence in front of her that fraternizing with the Sergeant didn't lead to anything good. Jay had warned her today, too, but she was in such a funk that nothing was getting through to her, and Jay was feeling the effects of that the most. He'd already lost one partner and he'd almost lost her. Hailey looked at her phone checking the time, it was almost 1am and Jay should have been at her place long ago. Maybe he changed his mind and stayed at his place because he didn't want to see her anymore tonight? All in all she wouldn't be surprised, she could barely stand herself. Today was the first time she had seen how much she had disappointed and pissed off her boyfriend. He was normally so calm, composed, not expressing his emotions much and trying not to show them too much in public, and the fact that he was showing anger at the scene meant that he was really angry. And that made her feel even worse about what had happened.
Hailey, tired after everything that had happened in the last few hours, must have fallen asleep because she was awakened by the sound of the phone ringing. Drowsy, she answered it without looking at the name of the sender
- "Upton"
- "Hailey, you finally answered. I thought something was wrong." - on the other side of the phone she heard Jay's worried voice. She quickly wiped her face with her hand to rouse herself and sat up straight.
- "Sorry, I just fell asleep." - She explained apologetically.
- "It's okay. Honey would you open the door for us?' - she heard an amused voice on the other side.
- "Yes I'm coming." - Hailey was amused by the whole situation. She had never fallen asleep so soundly to not hear someone knocking on her door, not while she was waiting for Jay. She must have really been exhausted.
- I'm sorry, I don't know how I didn't hear you knocking," she apologized again to her boyfriend, who only smiled.
- Nothing's wrong Hailey. The important thing is that you are okay - he said and hugged her tightly. At first she was surprised that after everything she had done today Jay was worried about her and that he was acting as if she hadn't upset him, but after a few seconds she gave in and snuggled into the safe arms of her man. She breathed in feeling the anxiety that gripped her after today's event, that Jay wouldn't want to see her or talk to her.
- Actually, I didn't expect you to come," she said truthfully pulling away from the brunet.
- Why, did you think that? - he asked, surprised by his girlfriend's statement.
- I don't know, but after everything I did today, I thought you were sick of me. - Hailey didn't expect that saying those words would hurt so much, but her honor didn't allow her to show how much. So she turned away from Jay and went to the kitchen to pour Whisky into the glasses she had prepared earlier.
- Hailey, you did what you did to get the person responsible for that boy's death," he said as he sat down on the couch and took the glass from Hailey. - I didn't like the fact that we went into that house without a warrant and I have to admit that I don't fully understand what was really driving you and the fact that I was angry, but that doesn't mean that I could get enough of you - he looked deep into his girlfriend's eyes. It broke his heart to hear Hailey talk about herself. - Come here to me Sunny - he grabbed his girlfriend's hand and pulled her close so she could sit on his lap.
- I'm sorry I gave you reason to think that - Jay looked guiltily at Hailey, who looked sad and lost. His heart was breaking at the sight. He kissed Hailey on the top of her head and hugged her tightly to him, and the blonde cuddled right back in.
- If anyone should apologize, it's me. I... I panicked. Again. I didn't want Voight to doubt my investigative skills. I felt like I had to prove to everyone again that I wasn't here by accident, that...
- That our relationship has nothing to do with your decisions," he finished for Hailey when she couldn't find the right words.
- Exactly. - she admitted quietly. - I hate feeling like I'm losing control of something. In order to survive the situation at home I had to follow certain rules and I owe it to myself to be alive and well, but as you know there are certain things, words that ruin my order and then I panic and do things like today.
- Hailey, look at me," he asked quietly. Every time he hears about what she had to go through his heart breaks. He wished he had known Hailey at that moment to make peace with her father and with every other man who had brought even one tear to her pretty face. It pained him to see his beloved like that and he felt powerless. He wanted so much that after the hell she had been through all these years now she would have only good things on her way. He wanted her to be happy because of him, but he didn't know how to ease the pain and trauma after all these years. And maybe that was the reason that pissed him off the most, because he could see that something was wrong with Hailey, that she was pulling away, and he didn't know how to remedy it. He had promised her a few weeks ago that he would help her, that he would figure something out, and what? He let her down. He let down the most important person in his entire world. - I wasn't mad at you. I was mad at Voight for making you stop believing in yourself and that you were a really great cop, even the FBI wanted you there, and it wasn't because of Hank, it was because of you and your skills. - He saw Hailey preparing to deny his words, but he continued. He had to make his girlfriend believe in herself again. - I've seen for a while now the effect what Voight says has on you and I don't like that he's using it the way he did today. He's manipulating you Hailey and I'm afraid that some tragedy is going to come out of this. I already lost you once, Hailey, and I don't want to go through what I went through without you again. I'm not gonna let Voight mess with your head. You are the most wonderful, wonderful and smartest person I know and you must never forget that. - Saying this, I saw tears appear in her eyes and immediately wiped them from her cheeks.
- So you're not mad at me and you don't want to break up with me and you're not sick of me? - she asked the question in a low, uncertain voice. Jay was hurt by how insecure she felt and how Hailey didn't believe anyone could love her. He promised himself that he would prove to her how much he loved her every day, every hour, every second of their life together, and he would never stop doing it. And he vows that as soon as he meets someone who has done her wrong he will kill them with his bare hands.
- Angry at you? I've never been mad at you and I never will be. You're too sweet for me to do that. And it never, ever crossed my mind for a second that I would get fed up with you and be the last idiot to want to break up with the love of my life. - He said in a calm, warm voice and with a small smile. Hailey could barely hold back her tears, and Jay was almost crying too. He couldn't help but feel each of Hailey's tears as his own. He can't stand to see his beloved cry, it always breaks his heart.
- So everything is okay with me? - she asked, still not believing her boyfriend's words. Jay grabbed Hailey's cheeks with his thumbs in circles and looked intently into her beautiful ocean blue eyes. He hoped that in his eyes Hailey would see that everything he said was what he felt, which was truth and true pure love.
- We're good. We're gonna be good always, until the end of our days. Honey I'm just terribly worried about you and this anger was caused by that. I was mad at myself for not being able to help you, and that's all it was, not that I was mad at you, okay? - Hailey must have finally believed me because I saw a slight smile appear on her face and the uncertainty in her eyes disappear.
- Jay you don't even realize how much you're helping me. Just the fact that you are with me and all my troubles, bad thoughts or panic disappear. - She shifted her position on his lap so that her whole body was facing him. She placed her hands on his cheeks and continued talking. Jay felt more drops of liquid slowly appear in his eyes. How much he loves her cannot be spoken. - You always say and even your brother told me yesterday that I saved you from death, and the truth is that you saved me and showed me that I deserve love, to love is not to hurt, and you taught me that love gives me wings, gives me a meaning to life. You give me the meaning of life, Jay - Jay couldn't stand it and joined his lips to Hailey's. It was just a brief kiss conveying how much he loved her. He rested his forehead on his girlfriend's forehead and closed his eyes enjoying her presence.
- You know I love you so much Angel - he opened his eyes to let his words reach this beautiful blonde girl, Hailey started to blush and Jay loved that he was the reason for it. - I love you Hailey Anne Upton and I will never stop. Angel you are the best thing that ever happened to me.
- Will you live with me? - He had not expected to hear that from his girlfriend. Hailey herself was surprised by her statement. It was a big step for her and especially for their relationship. She bit her lip, not sure if she had been hasty in her proposal.
- Do you want me to live here? - Jay made sure he heard right, Hailey confirmed eagerly with a nod, to which Jay laughed affectionately. - 'I was going to secretly bring my stuff anyway, but now I don't have to hide and I can bring a box of posters of my favorite superheroes that is always the style of my car,' Hailey laughed.
- Bear, where do you want to hang those Ninja Turtles of yours? - The sound of her laugh is the most beautiful he's ever heard and his heart beats even harder.
- In the bedroom? - he suggested, pretending to have a serious tone of voice, but by the look on Hailey's face he was sure she saw right through him.
- Not an option - she laughed even louder tilting her head back, Jay admired his girlfriend.
- You're beautiful Angel - he grabbed Hailey's hand, who blushed again. This is definitely one of the most favorite things.
- I love you Jay - this time she kissed Jay and then hugged him tightly.
Hailey realizes that she has a long and hard road ahead of her, but she knows that she can do anything with Jay by her side.
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Monet Issues
Happy COI day! Here's some no-longer-canon-compliant angst because apparently the book itself isn't going to be enough for me :) 
No spoilers here, but I know not everyone is checking tags and such right now, so I'm going to tag a few people who have interacted with my fics before (lmk if you don't want to be!). Don't feel obligated to read this though, it's a little dark. @littlx-songbxrd @alastairxcarstairs @dianasarrow @doitforthecarstairs @archeronesta @thechangeling @styxdrawings @upsidedown-cats @fictionally-fantastic @thomas-gaypanic-lightwood
Fanfiction Masterlist
CW: mention or discussion of alcoholism, physical abuse, bullying, and toxic relationships
(title from the song Monet Issues by Chase Petra, which I may or may not have listened to on repeat while writing this)
Out of all of the people he’d ever snapped at, Alastair Carstairs had never lost his temper with his mother. Not until today. 
“He’s the same. He’s the same as he was last spring, before he left, the same as he was ten years ago. He is never going to change. Not for Cordelia, not for you, not for the baby. Why are you still doing this to yourself?” he pleaded. 
His mother smiled and sighed. “That’s enough, Alastair joon. Your father is flawed, but he loves us. He’s trying. You’ll understand one day, once you’ve fallen in love and started a family of your own.” 
He narrowed his eyes. “Fine. Just answer one question then: if this child is a boy, will you allow him to do everything I was forced to do?” 
She hardened her expression. “Joonam, that’s just what family-” 
“No. Cordelia never did those things, did she? I never wanted her to. You never wanted her to.” 
“That was different. She’s… Well, she has a big heart, you know. I knew that you could handle such a burden, azizam. I know that it was difficult, but look at the man that you’ve become. I’m so proud of you. These trials life brings us… they only make us stronger.” 
Alastair could feel his stomach twisting as his mother spoke. “No.” 
“Alastair-” 
“No! I never asked for this! I never wanted this! You told me that I needed to be head of the family in his absence, but now that he’s returned, it’s as if the past six months never happened? As if the past decade never happened? He has been absent for ten years. Cordelia was allowed to simply be a child. Because she had a ‘big heart,’ you say? What about mine? Was it always small, or did you, did Father make it that way? Because I genuinely cannot remember a time before. When was I meant to just be a child? When you sent me away to school, to meet all of the boys who were allowed to simply grow up and make mistakes and learn from them while I was busy trying to keep my father alive and my family together? I didn’t need to be stronger. I was a child!” His voice cracked. “I needed to be loved and protected! I needed someone to take care of me, not the other way around! I needed to feel safe! I was a child!” 
He clenched his fists at his sides, seeing white. “It didn’t make me stronger. It made me- it made me broken. It made me bitter and angry, so much so that I pushed it onto everyone else. It made me a monster. Do you know how awful school was? They taught me to hate myself. I became a bully because it was easier to hurt others than let them hurt me. I let nearly every part of me die, just trying to survive it. I knew someone who didn’t, a fourteen-year-old boy who I watched die. And yet I preferred that over the idea of returning home and dealing with Father’s illness again. Do you want to know the truth?” 
He took a step closer to his mother, her expression hard and unreadable. “The truth is that the moment I met someone who I thought might actually take care of me and protect me, I ran to him. I trusted him like I’d never allowed myself to trust anyone. And I stayed with him, even as he lied to me, as he left me cold and alone night after night, as he made it clear time and time again that he would never prioritize me over his own whims and desires. I wanted so badly to feel loved that I gave him all I had, all of my time and energy and attention, knowing that he would never return any of it.” 
He took a step back, finally feeling the tears that had spilled down his cheeks. “I’ve realized now that I deserve better. I deserved better. You deserve better.” He lowered his voice and looked down. He knew that his mother loved him, that Cordelia loved him, that maybe even Elias loved him, in his own way. He just wished he never had to wonder whether his life would be different if someone had cared about him. “I know… I know you love me, that you love all of us. I know that you didn’t have many choices. You were in a terrible situation. But I can’t stand here and watch you sit in your denial any longer, knowing the prices we have both paid for it.” 
He stared at her, waiting for her to respond, but she did not. Alastair did the only thing he knew left to do: he turned and left. As he started towards the staircase, he stopped and spoke one last time. “You were meant to protect me, and you did not. That’s okay, because I’m learning how to be whole again. I’m finding better ways to survive. I am mending my own heart, alone, because it is my only option. But I want to make one thing clear, this is not meant to be the price of family. This did not make me strong, and you have nothing to be proud of.” 
Finally satisfied, he retreated to his room without waiting for a reaction.
***
Sona returned to her room after her son stormed off. Her eyes scanned her dresser, a quiet mess of makeup, perfumes, Elias’ house key. She’d only just given it to him, but it was pointless. He always lost them. At least today, he’d forgotten them in their own home, and not at a bar or on a park bench or in some hansom cab halfway across the city. She looked up at her reflection in the mirror, at the purple spot under her eyes, at the wrinkles now set into her face, and thought of the days when she was younger. Did she always look older than her years?
Elias had been older than her, of course. Much older. Despite her young age, she’d been a widow. Not just a widow, but accused of murder. Despite all that had happened since, she could still remember clearly going before the Mortal Sword, confessing all that had happened, and watching herself acquitted and her husband’s death swept under the rug by a society that did not wish to face the reality of what she had endured. 
She’d been frightened, terrified, certain that no one would ever love after what she had done. She’d always known that her life would be difficult, that it would be unlikely for her to find a respectable husband, that she would never marry for love. Theodor was supposed to be a catch. She was meant to be the luckiest girl alive. She was young and naïve and blood spilled for it over, and over, and over, until she broke. Until everyone around her could see that she was broken. 
She thought that Elias would make her whole. She believed that he would take care of her, that he would love her, that he would provide. She hadn’t known how she could be so lucky, twice. 
Now, she wondered if she should have taken off on that milking cart. 
She’d thought about it many times, what her life could have become if she’d simply left. If she’d run away, away from the Shadow World, away from all that knew her past. She could have started over as a mundane. 
She always pushed the thought aside. If she had run, she would never have had her children. 
Her children. 
Their lives had been much more difficult than she’d dreamed of. They were never going to be easy, not being who they are, not in this world they lived in. Some pains were unavoidable. 
Some were not. 
Alastair had been a happy child, once. He’d carried so much love in his heart, perhaps even more than Cordelia ever had. That is why, when he learned the truth, he agreed so readily to help. Because he loved Cordelia, and her, and Elias, so much. He did not yet know that for some, the cost of love was pain and hopelessness. 
She allowed him to pay that price, the same one that she had paid, because it was easier than accepting the truth. Even as she watched him grow more and more anxious, as dark circles imprinted themselves under his eyes, as Risa shot her disapproving looks every time she asked him to look after Elias, or take care of Cordelia, or clean up some bottles, she allowed that price to be paid. 
She thought that the Shadowhunter Academy could be good for him, that perhaps it would benefit him to be away from the house. She was a fool, and by the time he first returned from school, she could see that the little boy she’d once known had disappeared. 
She could see him again, now, fighting to be heard. She could see that her son was finding himself again, but that it was a slow and painful process, and that he was still very far away. She wondered where her old self had gone, and if she could find her, or if she even still existed at all. 
She’d always known that Alastair was similar to her. Too similar, it seemed, and now, he had made the same mistakes she had. She knew the pain he felt too well, the pain that she could see in his eyes, hear in his voice. She’d thought that was love, but it was not. She’d learned the hard way, and now Alastair had, too. She knew that it was not a coincidence.
You had the biggest heart of them all, she wanted to tell her son. It’s still yours. I’m sorry.
She did not know how. 
She rested a hand on her swollen belly and thought about taking care of an infant while also taking care of her husband. She could no longer not ask anyone else to do it for her. 
For this baby, still unmarred by life’s hardships, for Alastair, for Cordelia, for herself, she took a deep breath and gathered her husband’s few belongings. She threw them in a suitcase, along with a short note, and placed it on their front steps, locking the door behind her.
A/N: Thanks for reading! The Farsi words are just terms of endearment, like “my dear.” I just want to say that I don’t necessarily think everything that Alastair said or Sona thought is true (or that Alastair even believed everything he said), I was just trying to get inside their heads a bit. Forgiving (and blaming) parents is really hard and complicated, and I really wanted to explore how Alastair felt about Sona a bit more. 
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middleearthpixie · 3 years
Text
In Time ~ Chapter Eighteen
Summary: Thorin’s assumption about his future with Amara leads to an argument, with her stalking off and him contemplating just leaving Rivendell altogether. Kenia gives Amara some very sound advice...
Pairing: Thorin Oakenshield/Amara of Rivendell (female OC)
Characters: Thorin, Amara, Kenia
Rating: T
Warnings: None
Word Count: 2,510
Tagging: @i-did-not-mean-to @lathalea @tschrist1
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Nothing felt as good as Amara did curved up against him, her head tucked against his chest, her arm draped over his hips. There was no where else in Middle Earth Thorin wished to be at that moment but where he was, stretched out on the east lawn in the soft grass, staring up at a moonless but star-spangled ink black sky. He let his fingers skim along her hair, soft and cool, like a river of ink to match that sky above.
His love.
While he’d been in love before, nothing could compare to what he felt for this woman lying in his arms now. True, he was older and somewhat wiser, a bit more jaded, perhaps, and he knew what he wanted from his life now. The confrontation with Azog was a wake-up call, nearly losing Amara even more so. Erebor was his once more, or it would be, once he returned and took his rightful place on its throne. He had a few fences to mend, with the people of Esgaroth, or Laketown, as the Men who lived there called it, with Thranduíl of Mirkwood. If Kili wanted a life with Tauriel the Woodland Elf, Thorin had the feeling he’d be offering up to Thranduíl the necklace he’d coveted so badly, the one he had been willing to go to war over. A small price to pay, if it meant Kili found happiness with his elf.
At one time, Thorin wouldn’t have been at all willing to compromise with an elf. Kili could simply find another woman, as far as Thorin was concerned.
But now, after everything that had happened, after finding what he’d found with Amara, he could never be so foolish. If Kili wanted a she-elf, he’d have her. And if that meant Thorin had to hand over a fool necklace, he’d wrap it in a box with a big fluffy bow for the prissy Woodland king.
“Thorin?” Amara’s voice was little more than a misty whisper, but he thought he heard a note of panic in it.
“What?”
She lifted her head to peer down at him, her eyes heavy lidded and sleepy. “I must have been dreaming…” she murmured thickly. “But it was so real…”
He stroked her hair, tucking it behind her ear. “What was?”
“We were in the clearing and… and I saw Magra taking aim with his bow, but I couldn’t get to you in time.”
He tightened his arm about her. “It was but a dream, amrâlimê. As you can see, I am right here.”
She sank back against him, her fingers curving into the front of his shirt. “It was so real, though. It didn’t have that dreamlike quality to it.”
“You needn’t worry about Magra. I dispatched him the way I did his ugly cousin or brother or whatever Azog was to him.” Thorin shifted to press a kiss into the top of her head. “You needn’t fear his return.”
“But there will be another,” she murmured, although her fingers did loosen on him. “There will always be one to take his place, and his determination to end the line of Durin might be even greater.”
“No one will get into Erebor without express permission and the Orcrist glows blue if orcs or goblins are near. I will always know if one is stalking me.”
“But they did manage to get into Rivendell.”
He smiled, his fingers resuming their lazy strokes. “We will be perfectly safe in Erebor. I promise you.”
“Wait,” she lifted her head again, “we? What do you mean by that?”
“I mean just that, you will be safe in Erebor.”
“But…” she shook her head as she pulled out of his arms and sat up, “I cannot go to Erebor. I belong here.”
“Amara, I cannot stay here. My home is in Erebor and I cannot just walk away from that.” He also sat up. “I came back to get you, but I cannot remain here much longer.”
“So, I’m supposed to just leave? Walk away from what I’ve sworn to do here? How do I explain that to Lord Elrond? Or Kenia, Valindra, and Samblar?”
“I don’t belong here, even if I could stay. My place is on the throne in Erebor and I thought you understood that. I would wager Elrond would understand if you told him you wished to leave.”
“But I don’t wish to leave. This is my home, Thorin. They depend on me here. How do I turn my back on that?”
“You are leaving them in excellent hands, Amara. Kenia is almost as gifted as you are. Rivendell would be fine and it isn’t as if I’d keep you prisoner under the mountain. We could visit here any time you wish. I have the feeling Elrond would be chuffed seeing any children we have.”
“Children? Have you planned my entire future for me? Without even discussing it with me?”
“What is there to discuss? Children seem like a perfectly logical next step.”
She stared at him as if he’d said something utterly mad. “Logical step to what? Did you propose to me and I just do not remember it?”
“Not yet, I haven’t, no. But this,” he reached out to catch the heavy braid he’d woven earlier in his palm. It wasn’t the neatest plait he’d ever seen. In fact, it was rather clumsy, but that didn’t change what meant, “this is almost as good as a proposal. I told you what this meant to me, to dwarves as a whole, how serious it was.”
“You said nothing about my having to give up my entire life, though.” She shook her head. “And I don’t know I wish to do that.”
“Give up your entire life.” He slowly got to his feet, his gut kinking at the implication behind her words. “Is that how you see being with me?”
She also stood. “You never asked me if I wanted to live in Erebor. And you never asked me how I’d feel giving up what I love.”
“I thought I was what you loved?” he countered. “And to be fair, you never asked me if I planned to remain in Rivendell.”
“Of course I love you, but—but you simply assumed I would do all of the rest.”
“So, you are saying you won’t? You do not wish to come with me, be Erebor’s queen? You’d rather remain here, surrounded by sick and filth and mess, covered in blood day in and day out and cleaning up the foulness that comes with sick and filth and mess and disease?”
He regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth, even more so when she just stared at him with shiny wide eyes.
“Is that how you see what I do here?” Her words were soft, barely a whisper, disbelief woven through every syllable. “Because if it wasn’t for my willingness to slog through all of that, you would be dead, Thorin. And so would your nephews.
“What I do here is every bit as important as your being a king is to you and your dwarves. How dare you try to minimize that simply because you are pouting over not getting your way.”
“Not getting my way?” He shook his head. “We aren’t arguing over what to have for dinner, Amara. I want to marry you. I want to have children with you. I want you to be Erebor’s queen—to be my queen. And I thought you wanted that as well, but I think you’ve given me something to think about.”
“You never asked me to marry you!”
“So marry me then!”
She shook her head. “No. I’ll not marry you because you’ve ordered me to. And I am not going to Erebor, either.”
“Fine,” he growled, stepped away from her. “Have it your way. Stay here, where it’s safe and familiar. I, however, need to return to Erebor, and so if you are on the road to good health, I’ll take my leave come the morning.”
“Fine. And take your silly little halfling with you. He’ll be thrilled to go to Erebor with you instead.”
“That silly little halfling saved my neck, I’ll have you know.”
“And so did I. But unlike him, I have something here. Something important. Something I cannot just walk away from, unlike his books or his gardens or whatever else it is he left in the Shire.”
“He put himself out there,” Thorin growled, his grip on his temper slowly loosening. “He chose to walk away from the comfort and familiarity of what he knew in search of an adventure. Unlike you, he had the courage to do that.”
“He’s in love with you, you fool! If you asked him to, he’d have thrown himself in front of that bloody dragon if he thought it would impress you or make you happy.” She whipped about and stalked back across the sloping lawns. “Because he has nothing else. I’ve given my entire life to what I do and you of all people should understand that!”
He scowled as she disappeared from sight, then with a low sigh, sank back to the grass. What in Mahal’s name had just happened? This was not how this evening was supposed to end. Not even close to how he’d hoped it would end. He was going to try to convince her to come back to his chambers with him, to spend the night in his arms, and somehow, that had gotten completely and totally ruined.
For a maddening moment, he considered going after her, but his irritation with her got the best of him and he’d be deuced if he was going to chase after her. If she wanted to spend the rest of her life there in Rivendell, so be it. He didn’t care one way or the other.
And if he told himself that often enough, he might actually believe he wasn’t making the greatest mistake of his life.
Amara stormed back to her chambers, ignoring Kenia’s look of surprise as she jumped when Amara banged her way in.
“Is something wrong?” Kenia asked, twisting in her chair.
“Men are impossible, no matter what their race,” Amara shot back, kicking off her shoes. She bent to swipe them up, only to have the pain in her side stop her cold. “Oh!”
Kenia was out of her chair as if fired from it. “Are you all right?”
“I’m fine,” she snapped, clutching her side just the same. “I merely bent over too fast.”
Kenia guided her back to the vacated chair. “Sit. Sit and tell me what happened?”
Amara flung herself into the chair. “Thorin Oakenshield is what happened.”
“Well, I know that. He was here earlier, looking fine as he does. But what does that have to do with anything?”
“He expects me to move to Erebor with him!”
Kenia nodded. “Yes, and?”
“And? And what? That’s it. He just expected me to give up my life here and follow him halfway around the world.”
“You don’t want to go?”
Amara stared at her. This wasn’t exactly how she thought Kenia would respond. “Should I?”
“Well, I don’t know. I rather thought you would. I thought you loved him?”
“I do—why would you ask me that?”
“Because,” Kenia shrugged, “it seems fairly simply to me. You love him. You want to be with him. Why wouldn’t you go? Lord Elrond would understand and would most likely give you his blessing, Amara. And, then there’s this.”
As she said this, Kenia reached out to catch the braid in her hand. “He gave you this, didn’t he?” She lifted the ornament for Amara to see.
Amara sighed softly, her anger draining away, a hot, swirling idiocy displacing it. “He did.”
“Do you know how serious this is, Amara? This is akin to his asking for your hand.”
“How do you know?”
“I asked Fili one night about the braid in his beard. He’s quite the talker and gave me the entire history on dwarves and their braids and for Thorin to do this, and to give you something of his with which to do it… well… that is about as serious as it gets for dwarves.”
Amara lifted the end of the braid from Kenia’s palm and traced over the filigreed raven. Although he’d told her about the meaning behind his braiding the piece into her hair, she hadn’t really believed him. After all, he was a dwarf and their customs could sometimes be primitive as far as elves were concerned.
Hot shame poured into her. Not only had she belittled the meaning behind what he’d given her, she’d mocked him, basically threw it in his face of how important she was, which was stupid, really. Kenia could easily fill her shoes and no one would even notice. Rivendell would go on, whether she was there or not.
“I didn’t know… I mean, he told me it was a sign of intimacy, but…” She let the braid slip free as she met Kenia’s not-so-sympathetic gaze. “I am an idiot.”
“Yes, you are.” Kenia nodded, picking up Amara’s discarded shoes to hand them to her. “But, he also loves you and I think he’d be willing to listen to you beg him to for forgiveness.”
“I don’t even know where his chambers are.”
Kenia shot her a long look. “You are pathetic, Amara, do you know that? He’s in the west wing, where all the guests who are healthy stay. I think he’s in the Blue Room.”
“I don’t know what to say.”
“You will figure it out. You’re a smart girl, you know.” She set the shoes on the floor to step into them and as she did, Kenia came up to take her by the shoulders and turn her, then gaze her a gentle push. “And I do not want to see you back in this room until well after sunrise, do you understand?”
“Wait,” Amara peered at her over her shoulder, “what?”
“Enjoy yourself, Amara. Play with him, naked if at all possible. Just be mindful that you’re not fully healed yet, but I don’t think a bit of water would hurt after all.”
“What are you talking about?”
“When we were cleaning out your wounds, your dwarf was whispering all the plans he had for you both. And one of them included you and him, naked and wet, in the waterfall. He isn’t exactly quiet even when he whispers.”
Amara’s cheeks grew warm. “No, he’s not. And did he really say that?”
“More or less, yes. Believe it or not, he was far more romantic about it than I am. But, just go and apologize for being a fool. Tell him you love him and you’ll follow him to the ends of the world if it would make him happy. You know you would.”
Amara nodded slowly. “I would. I truly would.”
“Then go.” Kenia gave her a gentle push and that was all she needed.
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