Who fucking cares about my life anymore because I sure don’t. I could throw it all away right now and I’d be happy that I finally ruined it all. I should get lost in the woods and never return. I’m so fucking stupid.
TW
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I think tonight may be a good night to end it.
I’ve been balancing for a while trying not to fall,
Tonight I’m somewhere that I feel invisible,
And I’m a 5 minute walk from the train tracks.
And I have my notes with me.
Yeah, I think tonight is a good night to end it.
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Thought I was getting better, but I’m still falling down the rabbit hole of my mind
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The mood dropped immediately when I saw the grade
I failed...again
No matter how much I try, I can't do anything right
Actually I stopped trying because it will be the same
I stopped trying
And I thought I stopped caring but I was wrong
I'm lying in my bed, crying my eyes out
I'm worthless
Useless
Stupid
I deserve to die
I have to die
I want to die
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i‘ll always be enough to fuck but never enough to love.
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God I need to keep my fucking mouth shut. I’m so greedy and disgusting I don’t even deserve to shed a tear over how disgusting I am. I deserve all the punishment in the world.
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i just want to run away from my entire life
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emily gwen, the creator of the sunset lesbian flag that we’ve come to commonly use, still continues to live in poverty.
multi-billion dollar companies have used their design and made profit from it, and yet they have not seen a cent for their creation.
i’ve been friends with emily for years, and i have not once seen them be financially stable the entire time. i’ve seen them homeless, unemployed, starving. right now, they need our help more than ever.
please consider donating to emily’s ko-fi, especially if you’ve used their design to create something and profited from it.
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Nothing is fun anymore. I don’t want to do anything.
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the thing is there's like, a point of oversaturation for everything, and it's why so many things get dropped after a few minutes. and we act like millennials or gen z kids "have short attention spans" but... that's not quite it. it's more like - we did like it. you just ruined it.
capitalism sees product A having moderate success, and then everything has to come out with their "own version" of product A (which is often exactly the same). and they dump extreme amounts of money and environmental waste into each horrible simulacrum they trot out each season.
now it's not just tiktokkers making videos; it's that instagram and even fucking tumblr both think you want live feeds and video-first programming. and it helps them, because videos are easier to sneak native ads into. the books coming out all have to have 78 buzzwords in them for SEO, or otherwise they don't get published. they are making a live-action remake of moana. i haven't googled it, but there's probably another marvel or starwars something coming out, no matter when you're reading this post.
and we are like "hi, this clone of project A completely misses the point of the original. it is soulless and colorless and miserable." and the company nods and says "yes totally. here is a different clone, but special." and we look at clone 2 and we say "nope, this one is still flat and bad, y'all" and they're like "no, totally, we hear you," and then they make another clone but this time it's, like, a joyless prequel. and by the time they've successfully rolled out "clone 89", the market is incredibly oversaturated, and the consumer is blamed because the company isn't turning a profit.
and like - take even something digital like the tumblr "live streaming" function i just mentioned. that has to take up server space and some amount of carbon footprint; just so this brokenass blue hellsite can roll out a feature that literally none of its userbase actually wants. the thing that's the kicker here: even something that doesn't have a physical production plant still impacts the environment.
and it all just feels like it's rolling out of control because like, you watch companies pour hundreds of thousands of dollars into a remake of a remake of something nobody wants anymore and you're like, not able to afford eggs anymore. and you tell the company that really what you want is a good story about survival and they say "okay so you mean a YA white protagonist has some kind of 'spicy' love triangle" and you're like - hey man i think you're misunderstanding the point of storytelling but they've already printed 76 versions of "city of blood and magic" and "queen of diamond rule" and spent literally millions of dollars on the movie "Candy Crush Killer: Coming to Eat You".
it's like being stuck in a room with a clown that keeps telling the same joke over and over but it's worse every time. and that would be fine but he keeps fucking charging you 6.99. and you keep being like "no, i know it made me laugh the first time, but that's because it was different and new" and the clown is just aggressively sitting there saying "well! plenty of people like my jokes! the reason you're bored of this is because maybe there's something wrong with you!"
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I blame myself for everything, for their deaths and the people in my life being hurt…
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2 kinds of grad students (both massive nerds)
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⚠️Tw suicide/selfharm mention/vent⚠️
I am thinking about suicide again
I wanna die because.....
Why I wanna die ?
Maybe just because....
Maybe because I am useless
Maybe because I am not worthy
Maybe because I am not enough
Because I am nothing
Because I don't deserve to live....
I don't deserve to be loved, to love, to exist....
I am nothing and no one ever would love someone like me so why live if anyways I end up dead...
Why live if anyways I be annoying, useless, not worthy, not enough....
No one cares if I am alive or dead ....
No one cares if my arms are covered in cuts and scars....
As long as I have good grades
As long as people see me as a kind, good and clever person ....
No one cares and no one will .....
If so then why live ?
Why suffer so much when you can die
Why be alive and be called a problem
I don't want to live
I don't want to be alive
I want to die
To disappear and never come back
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I CAVED IN 🗣️
Never expected to make a Poppy Playtime OC but here we are! This is Celine, Ci for short! Prefers to express her emotions through actions, too tired to give a damn, very caring (literary the mom friend)
I call this the uhh... "Operation: Staying Alive" AU??
Basically, Ci adopts three living toys and officially becomes a parent :>
Screw the cannon, Dogday joins the girl squad! He is safe and all patched up 👏🏻
Their relationships are purely platonic so please no shipping.
Bonus:
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conflating diaspora jews with the actions of the israeli government is not okay, yes, but have you considered it's not okay to conflate israeli jews with them either
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