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a-motherfucking-beast · 4 months

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coach ur so cool but i hate exercising :(

SON. LET ME TELL YOU. THERE IS A CERTAIN THING ALL THE LANKY BINOS IN THEIR HAUGHTY-TAUGHTY UNIVERSITIES AGREE ON. AND THAT'S THAT THERE ARE *SOME* THINGS THAT ARE ESSENTIAL TO BEING A HUMAN. ART -- MUSIC, DANCE, VISUAL MEDIUMS. FRIENDSHIP, BROTHERHOOD. JOY AND SORROW. SHARING OF KNOWLEDGE. FAITH. LOVE. FOR SOMEONE ELSE, FOR THIS WORLD, FOR YOURSELF.

AND, LAST BUT NOT LEAST -- PHYSICAL ACTIVITY. FUCK YEAH

BE IT PLAYING TIGGY IN THE SCHOOLYARD OR BEING A PROFESSIONAL LINEBACKER PRETTY MUCH EVERYONE PLAYS A SPORT OR EVEN JUST WALKS SOMEWHERE AT SOME POINT IN THEIR LIFE. FOR GOOD REASON -- EXERCISE RELEASES ENDORPHINS AND DOPAMINE AND OTHER FEEL-GOOD SHIT IN YOUR BRAIN, BALLFACE, AND EVEN IF YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT ALL THE OTHER BENEFITS OF STAYING HEALTHY AND BEING ABSOLUTELY YOKED AND TAKING CARE OF YOUR BODY THAT SHOULD PROBABLY CONVINCE YOU TO TRY OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT

SON, I'M NOT GOING TO CONVINCE YOU TO TAKE UP BODYBUILDING OR ANY OTHER HEFTY COMMITMENT LIKE THAT. THAT WOULD BE FANTASTIC BUT EVEN I CAN RECOGNISE THAT IT'S NOT FOR EVERYONE. I CAN ONLY OFFER THIS ADVICE.

IF YOU HATE EXERCISING THEN THERE ARE ONLY SEVERAL (AT LEAST ONE) POSSIBILITIES WHY YOU DO.

A) YOU HAVEN'T FOUND THE RIGHT OUTLET. TRY OUT A NEW SPORT YOU HAVEN'T PLAYED BEFORE THAT YOU CAN PLAY AT YOUR LOCAL GYM. HARRY WAS THE FUCKING GOAT AT BEING A GYM TEACHER BUT NOT EVERY GYM TEACHER IS AS FANTASTIC AS HE WAS AND MAY NOT FACILITATE THE FULL EXPERIENCE OF PLAYING A SPORT SO MAYBE EVEN TRY PLAYING SOMETHING YOU THINK YOU DON'T LIKE. HELL, MAYBE TRY SOMETHING LIKE ACROBATIC ARTS, THAT SHIT NEEDS STRENGTH AS WELL. FUCKING BREAKDANCING. BECOME AN ANAL ACROBAT LMFAO. HELL, YOU DON'T NEED SOMETHING STRENUOUS -- EVEN IF YOU GO FOR A WALK IN YOUR LOCAL PARK EVERY MORNING WHEN THE SUN'S JUST RISING (THE VIEW AROUND THE LAKE IN THE MIDDLE OF JAMROCK IS BEAUTIFUL) OR DO SOME STRETCHES WHEN YOU WAKE UP THAT COUNTS FOR SOMETHING. DON'T LET ANYONE PUT YOU DOWN FOR DOING LESS THAN THEM.

B) YOU HAVEN'T GOT THE RIGHT PEOPLE SUPPORTING YOU. AGAIN, YOU ONLY WISH YOU COULD'VE HAD OUR HARRY AS YOUR TEACHER AND REFEREE, BUT IT ALSO COMES DOWN TO YOUR TEAMMATES, WHETHER THEY FACILITATE YOUR PRESENCE AND BUILD A SENSE OF CAMARADERIE WITH YOU. YOUR SPOTTER, WHO YOU PLACE ULTIMATE TRUST IN. YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY, THE PEOPLE YOU HOLD CLOSEST WHO YOU CAN SHARE YOUR ACCOMPLISHMENTS WITH. OR EVEN JUST THE PERSON DOING THEIR OWN THING NEXT TO YOU WHO MIGHT GIVE YOU A WORD OF ENCOURAGEMENT OR CONGRATULATE YOU WHEN YOU HIT A NEW PERSONAL RECORD. GOING TO A GYM CAN HELP WITH THIS WHEN YOU ALL HAVE A SHARED GOAL, BUT THERE'S PLENTY OF ELITISTS THERE WHO MIGHT SHIT ON YOU FOR BEING A NEWBIE OR NOT HAVING THE SAME CAPABILITIES AS THEM OR EVEN HARASSING YOU FOR YOUR IDENTITY. TUNE THEM OUT. THESE KINDS OF PEOPLE ARE PRESENT EVERYWHERE YOU GO AND YOU SHOULDN'T ALLOW THEM TO SULLY YOUR EXPERIENCES. OR ALSO YOU CAN DECK THEM IN THE FACE. PERSONALLY I'M LEANING TOWARDS THE SECOND ONE BUT IT'S YOUR CHOICE (DO THE SECOND ONE)

NOW THAT WE'VE GOT THAT STRAIGHT, I'LL TELL YOU RIGHT NOW -- ONLY DO SOMETHING YOU KNOW YOU'RE CAPABLE OF, AND SOMETHING YOU KNOW YOU CAN ENJOY. DON'T TURN THIS SHIT INTO A GODDAMN CHORE THAT LEAVES YOU SUFFERING EVERY TIME YOU DO IT, THAT'S NOT THE FUCKING POINT OF ANY OF IT. I DON'T KNOW YOUR PERSONAL SITUATION, NOT EVERYONE'S GOT THE MEANS OR THE TIME OR THE PHYSICAL CAPABILITIES. BUT CALISTHENICS DOESN'T TAKE ANY SPECIAL EQUIPMENT AND EVEN JUST SOME STRETCHES WHEN YOU GET UP WILL DO. GODDAMMIT, COACH *WILL* FIND SOMETHING THAT WORKS FOR YOU, BOY

ANYWAYS DAMN RIGHT I'M FUCKING COOL DON'T YOU FORGET THAT

#SKILLSPOSTING #LONG POST #Ooc: OK dropping the “ooc notes in capslock too” bit for this. I am so sorry I don't know how this got so long. I blame the capslock LOL 🤣#Even now my eyes are glazing over looking at this...#This is something I'm a liiiittle bit passionate about. HPE was always my C subject in school while I'd get straight A's everywhere else...#...and my teachers were all the type to only watch the people they already knew were good (who would be very exclusive and only pass...#...the ball to one another). Badminton saved me though! 😊 (Sadly my leg is too bad now so I can't play anymore...)#It's easy for me to say all this since I come from a place of privilege having enough free time for this when some people might not #As well as being able to walk and run in the first place. And usually having the motivation to get up to do that.#So again don't let me yelling at you through PI influence you. You know *yourself* better than anyone.#BUUUUT even some stretches when you get up can make you feel good! 🤗Hahaha #Treat your body well. It's the only one you have. (I know that's *so* cliché to say... but it's a cliché for a reason hahaha)#ALSO. This whole thing... kind of doesn't align with my view of PI? But I'll talk about that in the tags of another response I need to make

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beanghostprincess · 3 months

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*elegantly set's a tea set in a beautiful table* no, let's make it about Sanuso, let's talk about Usopp having his hair down and how that affects Sanji.

Especially if they're not dating yet, I need pathetic Sanji pinning do I have so many thoughts about that, like him going out of the kitchen to give the girls their treats and everyone is looking at Usopp who is just drawing by the deck letting the wind blow his hair, Sanji having to go back to the kitchen because he's having a crisis over how beautiful he looked, him realising he might be gay and being in denial for a while.

Usopp letting his hair down more often and Snaji not being able to handle it so he avoids Usopp.

Nami noticing and trying to match them.

You are a person of culture I want to know your views on this

Oh, okay. Let's make it about Sanuso then *sips tea* (very funny because I am actually drinking tea right now 😭)

Usopp starts to let his hair down more often. Pretty much all the time, actually, unless he truly needs to see properly (when he's fighting or working). So whenever they're not doing anything important, he decides to leave the ponytails and bandanas aside to let his hair loose a little. So, on regular days in the Sunny or whenever they're on a calm island, Usopp's hair is undone.

And that's killing Sanji. It's not that he refuses to admit he likes men. Because. Well- Okay, it's a bit hard for him to admit he likes men. But he doesn't like Usopp. It's just that the sniper looks so ethereal and so gorgeous with his hair undone that it's really, really hard not to focus on him. But he doesn't like like him (that's what he calls it. Because Sanji has the mentality of a fifteen-year-old high school girl in a 2000s teenage rom-com). Except that he definitely "like likes" Usopp because he has never felt this way before and it still happens whenever he looks like he always does. It's just that his hair being long and falling over his shoulders like a chocolate fountain makes him feel all over the place. He ends up accepting that, well, he likes Usopp. Somehow. In some way that is not platonic but it isn't love either. Because it can't be love. Because it would make things uncomfortable between them and he can't let himself ruin the friendship they have. They're so close now. Usopp is probably his best friend out of everybody in the crew and the one who understands him the best. The one he trusts the most for his secrets and deep, intimate conversations in the middle of the night. So he's not risking all of that for a simple, silly crush. Because it's just that, a simple silly crush that will go away the second he gets his shit together.

But it doesn't happen, because Usopp keeps walking around looking oh so beautiful, and Sanji doesn't think he can keep doing this.

He tries to be subtle about it, always telling Usopp if it wouldn't be more comfortable to use one of his bandanas or tie his hair. He's always giving him hats and other possibilities that do not include letting his hair undone. But Usopp is always refusing with a gentle smile because he prefers it this way. He says he appreciates Sanji's concern, but it's fine and it isn't bothersome at all. He likes his hair long and free and wild! And Sanji agrees. He likes it too. But he likes it too much to focus on his daily tasks, and every day seems to be getting harder and harder.

It's even worse in the mornings when Usopp hasn't done his hair routine and hasn't showered yet and his hair is all messy and all over his face. It makes Sanji melt instantly, every time he sees him walking through the kitchen door. Usopp never seems to notice Sanji's reaction, but he always blushes uncontrollably and blames still being half-asleep for his stuttering. Besides, the fact that the guy moves around shirtless all the time with his abs and tits out for everybody to see does not help Sanji at all. He needs a break.

Okay, so the easiest and quickest way of dealing with this is obvious: Let's just ignore the shit out of Usopp. Awesome. Super clever behavior. (<- Running away from your problems but your problems your very hot best friend you're in love with and his long, precious hair).

And Nami notices because Nami isn't stupid. She knows something's going on and she knows it's because of Usopp's hair because, again, she isn't blind and she can tell when Sanji is acting dumb. So she tries to set them up by being silly and a little bitch like always.

Sanji is cooking (his demons away. His demons being his very gaygay feelings for Uso-) and he has been ignoring Usopp for a while now. Not ignoring, per se, just not being with him much? And Usopp can tell but he doesn't think much about it because Sanji just gets like that sometimes. He'll go back to being himself. It's fine (it's not). So Sanji doesn't expect Usopp to come into the kitchen now, because he thought he was hanging out with Nami and that's why he guessed it'd be a good time to cook without any risk of Usopp coming in here. Guess who was completely wrong? Anyway- Sanji is a bit nervous at first because he has realized (fucking finally) that his feelings for Usopp are something real and tangible and he can't escape from them unless he ignores them. But he tries to act like a normal person with normal thoughts (he is not).

When Usopp asks him his question, Sanji is a bit confused and all his worries fade away suddenly:

Sanji: Coconut oil? What do you want coconut oil for? Usopp: Nami said it'd be good for my hair. Sanji: For your hair. Usopp: Yes? Thought you'd know about it with how obsessed you are with food- Sanji: Yes, Usopp, I- I know about the properties of coconut oil. But I am not letting you use it. Usopp: What? Why?! Sanji: Because! We don't have that much left and I wanted to make cookies for the girl- Usopp: Aha? Sanji: And you. The crew. Shut up. The point is, even if you could use it once without wasting it completely until the next island, I don't trust you with my ingredients, and- Usopp: Then you do it. Sanji: What? Usopp: Just put it on my hair. It can't be that hard for you. C'mon. Sanji: And does it have to be now? Usopp: Not really, but Nami keeps talking about it every damn second and she's getting on my nerves. If I don't do it now she won't shut up. Sanji: Usopp, I- Can't you see I'm busy? Usopp: You're cooking dinner at 3pm, Sanji. You're not busy. Sanji: I'm not sure if this is- Usopp: Please? Please. I will do anything. Sanji: You know I can't fight you when you say that. It makes me feel guilty. Like kicking a reindeer. Usopp: Nah, you'd kick Chopper if you needed to but you can't say no to my beautiful eyes. Sanji: Do you want your hair oiled or do you prefer ending up bald? Usopp: You won't do that. C'mon! Get on with the coconut oil! Sanji: Right now? Usopp: Please? Sanji: You're insufferable. Usopp: You love me.

And Sanji isn't brave enough to say that yes, he does love him.

So he does whatever Usopp says, and follows him to the bathroom. He kind of feels he's about to have a heart attack right now when he sees Usopp washing his hair first for this. It's too erotic. He can't look. He won't look. But Usopp is talking to him about some stuff he did with Luffy earlier. Fishing? Playing a game? Whatever, Sanji is not listening to him. He's trying so, so hard not to stare at him. The time passes and the cook miraculously does not die. His heartbeat is still going wild, though, especially when Usopp sits in front of him with his damp hair for Sanji to start working. He should've said no. He really should've just said no. But he sits behind him anyway and stares at Usopp's wide back being decorated with his silky, curly strands of hair. It's hypnotizing. Sanji even thinks it's inappropriate to touch Usopp's hair with how precious it is. He feels like he's unworthy of this. But Usopp won't stop telling him to do it already, and Sanji thinks that if he starts now he will finish sooner.

To not make this extremely long: Long story short, Sanji doesn't die. Usopp keeps talking and talking and it actually feels really nice after a minute. Usopp always has this talent for making Sanji comfortable anywhere they're at and at any time. He has missed this, after a long time of ignoring him. And Usopp seems to be enjoying it too, apparently. He keeps saying how good it smells and how hungry it's making him. And Sanji responds with a "mm. Perhaps I let you have a bite of those cookies after all" / "You were going to do it anyway" / "You don't know that" / "Nah, I know". And he hates admitting that Usopp is right.

When they're done, Usopp thanks Sanji, and Sanji wishes, deep inside, that they had to be together longer. Oh. But then Usopp comments something like "Fuck. I need to dry my hair" / "Huh. And the problem? You wanted this in the first place" / "I knoooow. But it's so tiring. It used to be easier when I had shorter hair" / "I could help you" / "What?" / "What?" / "Do you want to dry my hair?" / "What? No. I did not- Not if you don't-" / "No. That'd- That'd be nice. Thank you, Sanji".

That's when he knows he's fucked, because it's the first time that he almost says "I love you" out loud and he has to bite his tongue to not let his heart speak for him.

So basically, Sanji helps Usopp dry his hair. It's intimate. It's sweet. Sanji isn't that nervous after all, because Usopp never shuts up and he realizes his favorite sound is whenever he's speaking. That he actually hates drying his hair because the loud sounds make him unable to hear Usopp properly, but also loves it because Usopp is letting him take care of something as important as his hair. And they're also so, so close... But he doesn't think about it. He won't think about it.

But he inevitably thinks about it when they finish, Usopp's hair a bit all over the place, but extremely beautiful and even shinier than usual. It seems softer, too. Sanji can't help but want to touch it. There's this silence between them but it isn't at all uncomfortable, even if it makes Sanji turn all red and laugh in a way he never thought he could.

Usopp looks at Sanji a bit shyly and says: "Sorry for making you do all of this. I think I've forced you a little, right?" / "What? No! I did it because I wanted to. Although you could've certainly been less intense about the oil thing, but- But it was nice."

But then the sniper shrugs, looking away with a look that clearly tells Sanji he's thinking about something way too hard. "Do you think I should cut my hai-" / "No! ...I mean. Why would you do that? I think it looks great. And you like it. A lot." / "I dunno. It's very high maintenance? I wouldn't want to waste all your ingredients on thi-" / "I don't think it'd be a waste. Not if it's-" / "Mm?" / "It's just- Nothing. I just think it'd be a crime for you to cut it. We can just buy more oils. For your hair, specifically. And if you ever don't feel like taking care of it, I think I did a pretty good job" / "Don't be stupid. You don't want to take care of-" / "Yes, I do. I would, I mean. If you wanted to. It's relaxing. Like cooking but without the eating part" / "Are you thinking about cooking my hair?" / "Kind of looks like a chocolate fountain" / "That's the only thing that comes to your mind when you look at me?"

A loose strand of hair ends on Usopp's face, but he does nothing about it. Sanji acts instinctively, moving it away and placing it behind his ear. "Not the only thing."

And I wish I could say they kiss, but it probably ends there. Sanji realizes what he said and makes up an excuse to run to the kitchen while he leaves Usopp all confused, blushing, and like a complete mess on the bathroom floor.

When the sniper gets out of there, Nami winks at him and says "Your hair looks softer, huh? Did the extra hands help too, besides the coconut oil?" And he doesn't know if to yell at her or thank her.

#me and my three ways of writing dialogue on a same tumblr post bc i couldn't decide what the fuck i wanted to do #look i wake up early tomorrow and i needed to write this quickly i hope you like this rushed thing 😭😭#also anon i love you but now i want to write and i don't have the time aghhhh #this is such a great idea love you for the undone hair thing it makes me go insane #sanji is so real because i would literally die #nami is a little bitch and i love her #one piece #black leg sanji #usopp #sanuso #cat burglar nami

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