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jordifaedia · 4 months

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you will have to pry this song from my cold dead hands as i chant "stainteqcoded" multiple times in your ears

[spoilers for dossoles holiday, and main story (a bit) below]

stainless's devotion already shines through these first few lines, the metaphor of 'cat into a dog' meaning that he wants to turn from just a independent friend to completely devoted as a boyfriend to tequila. (up to you whether thats unhealthy or not, i could be overexaggerating it).. it's no lie that stainless in the main story is devoted to several things, including rockrock, granny, self-salvation squad, as well as bill.. or well, it's at least implied enough that the viewer can at least tell. he isn't afraid of displaying his affection towards tequila, whether he reciprocates it or not. after all, stainless def does believe that everyone does deserved to be loved, even if they were apart of some crazy ass plan to blow up a town !

"i want you to take me on a walk", "okay, baby, here's the leash" these lyrics are so fucking odd i'm not even going to play with you but these are def metaphors for love in some way. love languages, remember those? him wanting to go on a walk with tequila could be an act of service, a relief after long days of working on the battlefield or just the weight of existing. or even just quality time !

who doesn't want to go on a walk with their friend and talk about random shit? the leash part, i can't even figure out a meaning for that. but uh, my stainteq brain thinks of it as teasing, it's teasing. throughout the other lyrics, he's referred to (pretending that this is in stainless's pov) as a dog, and what do dogs need? walkies and a leash. obviously this could be inteperated as a joke in some way, that tequila could leash him and he'd be perfectly fine with it (insert very flustered angry tequila doodle here)

heartbreaking news: the brunette feline who has a heart ironically not made of metal despite working with metal for majority of his life is yearning in the worst way possible. i personally see this as stainless offering hsi unconditional love to tequila but tequila is like "haha dude its fine i swear".. like tequila doesn't want to accept stainless's love for him, whether through gestures of words that the feline is trying to get it through.. like stainless keeps giving him all these apples (metaphorically) but tequila is like "save your apples for someone better"

"i don't wanna be just friends / it's no coincidence, it's a kitty-incidence" stainless genuienly wants to pursue a relationship with tequila, but is unable to because of how much tequila keeps pushing him away. it's not a coincidence that stainless inevitably falls for tequila, considering that the two both spend enough time with each other for the possibility to for (kitty incidence is cute, i mean cmon. stainless is a catboy.)

"they be testing out your patience, but i'm here for it" stainless OBVIOUSly wants tequila to be himself and not some dossoles persona with that cheesy customer service smile that screams "boring" to it.. he knows that he's probably making tequila frustrated with how determined he is to share his love with him, but he's 'here for it'. basically meaning that he doesn't care if tequila shows his true emotions, negative or positive. at the end of the day stainless just wants tequila to be his authentic self, even if tequila could lose friends over it (high chance he won't) ..

which also leads onto the last two lines, which could be stainless's reassuring words

"so get used to it, ain't no stopping" he's not going to stop giving affection to tequila, again, tequila deserves love. why wouldn't he give him endless amounts of love? whether its platonic or romantic love, he'll keep being by tequila's side

i think you could interperate this as an 'angel/devil' metaphor in the way that while stainless can be his regular goody pants self (not as goody two shoes as a certain fish medic) he can also be. u know. gay demon. like u cnanot tell me this man knows at least how to get under tequilas skin somehow (spoiler: its flirting) .. idk what to say! the yaoi is yaoiing!

i don't know how to explain this, but stainless isn't naive. neither is tequila, like they're both grown ass men. when he was younger, he probably was naive for sure, or at least a little less intelligent when it came to his feelings. i'm not saying he's the master of emotions right now, but he knows right from wrong !!

"i was far from cute before / now i'm an angel" going to be honest, this entire verse seems like stainless teasing tequila. like cmon. idk what to say this is just so yaoipilled im going to gag and throw up

"i hope you don't let go" stainless doesn't want tequila to succumb to his mask and push him away !! he wnats tequila to open up and be himself (how many times have i said that) ! he wants to see the real tequila! to let go, whether that means to stop being friends with stainless, or to just cut himself off the world, he doesn't want him to let go. tequila is way too mentally unstable to be left alone, also stainless wants to be more to tequila. a friend, a boyfriend.

"cause i've been such a good boy / i hope you don't say no" stainless genuinely doesn't want tequila to reject him, whether that be because the feline confesses to him about his true feelings or the fact he doesn't want tequila to keep pushing away others, he does in fact have his own struggles w his crush on the man .. he wants to help out tequila, and he wants to push him out of this box that the perro's forced himself into because he's not a caterpillar anymore, he's an actual butterfly!!

"oh my god, what is this new emotion?" the word 'you' in brackets appearing is obviously referring to tequila. he's referring to how he's never felt a crush this severe ever since tequila, this emotion is much more than just puppy love, and it's most certainly not platonic for sure. it's new despite the possibility of stainless having a crush in the past because crushes aren't the same, there's all different types of crushes. celebrity, unattainable, actually attainable, mistaken as a crush when it could be a squish or something else, all sorts of crushes! tequila just happens to invoke a new feeling in stainless, the type of feeling that he wants to protect (devotion, duh.)

"i'm such a puppy when you hold me" when dogs are little, and younger, they're obviously very cuddlable ! i'd imagine stainless's love language to be pda, or at least just acts of service in general. even without the love language bullshit, you have to admit, being hugged by someone you really really like will make you melt completely. in this case, when tequila does try to show some love back to stainless, whether it is a hug or even just a gentle touch, stainless will combust and explode!! because being touched by your crush?!??! and he usually tries to push away your love??! but oh!! he's showing you some affection?? holy shit! ring the love alarm because a love bomb is going off!

"feed me love, it's perfect and you know it" i think if you have some knowledge on tequila, or you at least have read his voicelines, you're probably aware that he's not as 'fluffy sunshine' as he comes off. like he's fully aware of his intentions, which can be seen in this voiceline right here:

cmon. is this not the like. most suspicious, or at least eyebrow raising result line you've heard? i mean, theres definitely probably ones that are more concerning but thats not the point. he knows what he's doing or what aura he's trying to put out!!! and canonically, knows how to cheat in poker and card games too. so when he's giving stainless even the tiniest amount of affection, it may not seem like a lot to him, but he's fully aware that the feline will eat it up completely. a little amount, or a lot is just the perfect amount to stainless because it's perfect.

"follow you in circles and no, that is not a joke babe" stainless and tequila in my little delusional bubble are friends, or if you want to try and apply some canon onto this rarepair where they don't have a single canon interaction, think about squads and how you can have your favorite characters on the field at the same time. tequila and stainless, on the same squad, usually you would place tequila behind someone who can protect to him due to his 0 block when he's not slicing up someone. who's the perfect candidate? stainless of course! as well as his little sentries! non-canon wise, i'd imagine that stainless and tequila just keep hanging out. they're friends, why wouldn't they? whether it's work related or non-work related, they're most certainly hanging around each other. (that is not a joke, babe)

"i'm the one you can't keep your, keep your paws off" okay first of all, obvious dog imagery for the dogboy (cough, tequila, cough). i think we also are aware of the fact that these two men can be great friends, as well as have some brooding tension in between them. tequila, who has a persona to keep up, does not want anyone to know what his true feelings are. he's a people pleaser in a way, especially with that bland smile of his, it just screams "hi! welcome to rhodes island, how can i help you!" you know?

see that last line? "he is very unsafe" canonically, tequila was a child soldier, and does have great tactical planning (remember the bombs he made in dossoles holiday? the ones that blew up? that requires some knowledge related to bomb making, how to make sure the bomb goes off in the right time, as well as precise timing. that takes lots of skill.) he does have the potential of being dangerous, and i feel as if stainless does the wrong thing, he'll be blown u- KIDDING. obviously. there's just going to be an arguement, for sure, and maybe even a crack to the mask that tequila puts on..? even so, tequila still is friends with stainless despite it all. no matter how many times he tries to push him away, stainless will come back.

"go fetch when you say that i'm a dog walk" if you don't know, the phrase 'dog walk' basically means simple. its easy! like walking, that's a dog walk (unless you can't walk)! i feel like this is supposed to be a metaphor for chasing after someone you love, fetching basically is when you toss a ball and the dog goes after it. duh. they're chasing after the ball! tequila doesn't think stainless is simple, but he probably believes that stainless doesn't know about what's underneath his persona. hence, why tequila believes he's a dogwalk. he's got every other operator fooled, why would stainless not be fooled? but in reality, stainless is chasing after tequila. like how a dog chases after the ball, what is he looking for though? the truth? a confession?

"fight for you in the biggest pack of wolves / they be racing, but i'm comin' in first impala" stainless genuinely does care about other operators, obviously, i mean i probably sound like a broken record at this point.

the idea of leaving someone behind on an operation is completely wrong to stainless, he can't do. that simply goes against his morals and what he's learnt, as well as what he's taught himself. when we apply the first line, "fight for you in the biggest pack of wolves", he's willing to fight for his friends just for them to be able to go home safely, because 'not one fewer when we come back' basically means, and i already said this probably, that he's not leaving a single person behind no matter how drastic the situation is. which, is a pretty good moral to keep up!

an impala is an antelope apparently, why the hell are they talking about antelopes in a song about puppy love? don't ask me. ask bighit. anyways, these animals are able to be swift and jump pretty high.. i still have no fucking clue who was cooking in the txt lab and thought, yeah, let's make a reference to an antelope! but, working with what we have here.. [shuffling through notes]

they're both capable of dealing quick attacks - tequila with his arts damage (liberator things), as well as stainless who can deal heavy shots with his robots (s3, but he can regenerate sp pretty quickly w s2 if i recall) and we know they're quick thinkers. remember the zipline? remember how tequila can quickly just lie his way out of a situation? they're both quick mentally, and physically too.

when the line "they be racing, but i'm comin' in first impala" comes up, i think of specalists. stainless is a supporter, but he's a low dp cost that's similar to specalists such as kirin, texas, and phantom. they all have low dp costs, but they're all different classes (kirin sweeps the enemies away with s3, killing three in a row, texalt summons swords, phantom summons a clone and can stun enemies with his s3). stainless is able to provide free damage early enough as long as you place down a sniper. the specalists might be placed down later on, if there's a hoard of enemies, but stainless is probably placed first (or usually you want to place him first. i guess. i don't know, i'm kind of balling.) but what does this have to do with stainteq?

stainless is the first to defend tequila from an enemy due to his 0 block, which means he can still get targeted. without a healer and dp source, stainless is able to protect him. i'd imagine tequila and stainless have this princess and knight dynamic, except it's not just "boy who needs help x boy who helps", after all they're much more than that. stainless truly does want to help tequila out to the fullest, he wants to be useful the same way tequila wants to be seen as useful to all of the members of rhodes island.

while stainless might be seen as a stretch, i do truly believe that tequila does want to prove to not only just rhodes island, but his father that he can be useful. tequila does want to show to others that he can be there for them. oh! do you need some papers to be brought somewhere? he can do it! need him to take over a lane? he can do it! need him to take a shift at the bar or trading post! no worries, he's got the hang out of it! tequila is a people pleaser, and is willing to sacrifice his feelings for the sake of the satisfaction of others.

ok. this is getting a bit depressing. what i'm trying to say is that stainless wants to protect tequila, the same way tequila wants to protect his friends. its out of care, and genuine compassion.

"yeah, I like it when we cuddle / when you get yourself in trouble" could be taken as tequila opening up, and how stainless does like tequila for himself (I NEED TO FIND A BETTER WORD FOR 'BEING HIMSELF') it's as clean as you're going to get it from the lyrics, stainless likes affection and the pda he gets. he likes when tequila is being authentic.

"i'm everything / from the soft side to the tough stuff" see: angel/devil metaphor (scroll up) in a quick summary, stainless has the ability to be assertive, like hissing or growling. he can also be soft, like a cat's fur. he's got duality.

"'til we cross the rainbow bridge / i'll be the one you always dream of" the rainbow bridge is a metaphor for when dogs die, they are believes to go over a rainbow to heaven where they will meet their owners once they die. another dog metaphor for the dogboy tequila once again, this is basically just saying that until tequila dies; stainless will always be on his mind, or at least a memory. stainless is trying to say that he's going to be on tequila's side no matter what, again, not one less. he's not leaving anyone behind.

"bet nobody else speaks / the lil' language between you and me" all friends have their own language of the sorts, whether it's an actual language or just being able to understand your friends gibberish, it's still a language (but like. not an official one like spanish, or something. for the gibberish part) stainless is able to understand tequila without the need of speaking a common language, like bolivarian or whatever language they speak in victoria. they're able to communicate with each other without the need of speaking the same language, whether it's through gestures or just the look of knowing yeah. your friend is feeling xyz. that's how close they are.

"i just hope you understand" stainless wants tequila to know that he's there for him, that they can be friends, boyfriends, or even just best friends. he doesn't care as long as tequila knows he's loved, and safe. he wants to give so much love to tequila it's so overwhelming for the poor perro, and it's obvious that stainless is doing this out of the good nature of his heart. he has always cared for others, and will continue doing so because he is a good person.

in conclusion, i have way too much time on my hands and i looked way too in depth over a song about puppy love and being smitten by some kpop boygroup i really like. and i somehow associated it with stainteq! so you're all subjected to my thoughts!

#tw death mention #arknights #delusongposting #arknightsposting #stainteq #stainless arknights #tequila arknights #sorry to everyone who has to see this.#(not really)

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just-an-enby-lemon · 1 year

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Hey Nico!

Could you perhaps give me, as a person who hasn't listened to WTNV before, a basic summary? I'm really interested in learning more about it!

Ok. I have no idea how to answer that. But I'll try my best. This here will be the version without any major spoilers if you want more details about what happened in the seasons the lore and all you can either send an ask or just DM me (I will love to talk to you either way, bestie).

So let's go.

Welcome to Nightvale is a fiction podcast that mostly follows the (now mandatory) comunity radio show of the fictional city of Nightvale. "A friendly desert community where the sun is hot, the moon is beautiful, and mysterious lights pass overhead while we all pretend to sleep."

Nightvale is a strange city. With strange norms and where the unusual is normal. It's a very dangerous city as well, with tragedy and danger at every corner. But it's citzens are close knit, people care about each other and there's none of the types of bigotry we see on our world.

The voice that guides us through Nightvale is our friendly and wacky radio host: Cecil Gershwin Palmer. He is one of my favorite characthers and he is really weird and complex and the ultimate Tumblr Sexyman.

As the episodes go we are presented with more and more of this comunity and met is fascinating residents. Like Carlos, the scientist that came to Nightvale to study it because he and his team find the city to be the most scienticaly interesting comunity around (now while they have a past conected to Lubelle, Carlos and his team are the good scientists), Cecil falls in love with him the moment he meets him though Carlos takes longer to reciprocate. They are the main couple.

Some other famous characthers are John Peters (you know the farmer), Steve Carlsberg, the Glow Clous (all hail), Dana, Tamika Flyn, Old Woman Josie and the Erikas (the likely bíblical accurated angels and the old woman they live with), the Faceless Old Woman that secretly lives in the house of all nightvale citzens, Deb the sentient patch of haze, Kosheck the statiom cat, City Council (an entidy with many heads), Kevin and soo many more.

Nightvale is a mostly linear story that has been going for ten years with some arcs like Strext Corp, Lot 37, the Evil Beagle, Doctor Lubelle and the University of What It Is (the current one) and the slowly unconver of Cecil's confusing and misterious past that started with "Cassetes" the 33th episode years ago.

Is really good and created a lot of the tropes used in modern horror and comedy podcasts. It also was a strong step into good queer representatitivity having an openly jewish gay main characther whose queernes was never used as mockery since 2012 and whose main interest was a gay latino man who is described as being dark skinned. And the representatitivity only improved with time.

#ask #wtnv #welcome to nightvale

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light-imperfected · 8 months

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monkey blast in your inbox!! (feel free to answer only the ones you want <3)

⭐️ (or multiple) for a headcanon about our muses.

☎ for your muse’s info in my muses phone (name, ringtone, picture, last text received/sent).

👋 for three things that describe our muses relationship.

👂 to overhear my muse talking about yours.

😍 for my muse to tell yours three things they love about them

📖 for my muse to read out an entry in their journal/diary about yours.

📱for a voicemail my muse left yours.

🌀 for my muse’s reaction to getting stuck in a storm with yours.

✔️ for a daydream my muse has had about/involving yours.

👀 for my muse to compliment yours

😙 for my muse’s reaction to yours being super affectionate.

holy shit

⭐️ (or multiple) for a headcanon about our muses.

gabriel is soooo insecure about having a crush on a guy. for v1 it's easy because he knows it'll never be reciprocated in a normal way (i.e v1 will keep hunting him for sport), but for wukong??? the angel's never been in a relationship before!! turns out they're really hard and he's very insecure about it!! and he doesn't even know wukong's history yet lol. (rereads this) i'm not sure i know what a headcanon is, actually

☎ for your muse’s info in my muses phone (name, ringtone, picture, last text received/sent).

gabriel's very boring and he never remembers that his phone has a camera. name is "Monkey King," with the default ringtone. profile picture is a very blurry photo of a monkey in wukong's house before wukong popped into the picture and demanded it be set as his icon. ("hey angel, nice shot! give me your phone")

last text:

[text]: (image of a baby macaque) [text]: Like you?

we need answers sun wukong. and also ur baby pictures

👋 for three things that describe our muses relationship.

i don't really know what this means but i'll give it a shot anyway: peach cobbler. the i'm doing 👍😎👌 gay stuff t-shirt. breathless laughter.

👂 to overhear my muse talking about yours.

gabriel can gush about wukong for about three seconds before he feels a strong urge to curl up into the size and shape of an orb. he's not sayin' shit

😍 for my muse to tell yours three things they love about them.

Gabriel glances to the side, rocks forward a bit, and says very fast, "You're good at fighting and also you're funny but you're nice when it actually matters." And then he glances back at Monkey King's heart-masked face, the gold of sun slipping through fur, and mumbles, "and also you're cute."

📖 for my muse to read out an entry in their journal/diary about yours.

He crumples a piece of scrap paper with small neat handwriting on it in his hand. Nope! (it has at least one doodle of monkey king on it, and whenever he writes his name there's a heart dotting the i)

📱 for a voicemail my muse left yours.

probably doesn't leave voicemails... he gets too nervous. working up the courage to call wukong and then no one picking up....! yeah he'd just hang up and go stand in a closet for a while

🌀 for my muse’s reaction to getting stuck in a storm with yours.

gabriel's mostly viewed rain as an inconvenience to his work & has never allowed himself to view it with wonder or joy. not sure what wukong's stance on getting soggy is, but i would like gabe to frolic in a downpour and end up soaked at the end. at first he does try to scoop up wukong and carry him home like a damsel in distress, though

✔️ for a daydream my muse has had about/involving yours.

i SHAN'T SAY.

👀 for my muse to compliment yours.

gabriel points further upward in this post, then very carefully and awkwardly pats wukong on the head like he's a weird cat.

😙 for my muse’s reaction to yours being super affectionate.

freezing up, stuttering, trying to cover up being embarrassed, squeaking, covering his face with his hands ("it's already covered though?" yeah lol). please note that "being super affectionate" for gabriel includes things like "holding his hand" or "saying nice things to him"

whew. thanks sunny (+)7

#ooc #answered asks #q #sunsage #(+) <3 @(n_n)@

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unimpressivegayarrow · 9 months

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Good omens s2: what the fuck...

so that was terrifying.

everyone's debating whether it was the miracled coffee, or religion, or demon/homophobia when it comes to azi's rejection.

I think he's making the same choice alot of young queer people do though, (ignoring the whole schtick of good and evil and his belief he can change heaven from the inside, for a minute) it really resonates with me that moment in a young, queer person's life when they have their first chance to express how they feel.

I think alot of queer people can relate to falling in love with your best friend and having it not reciprocated. but there's a niche there, there's two sides. because in this case it IS reciprocated.

but azi's doing the thing alot of scared new gays would do, which is run away from the feelings, he's scared. he doesn't accept crowley as a demon and he's too tied to "being an angel". he thinks if crowley became an angel again and they fixed heaven it would balance out. but they want different things.

azi wants to fix the corporation that brainwashed him into desperately trying to be "good".

crowley wants to be with aziraphale. he doesn't care about heaven or hell. he hasn't since he fell. azi's done some things in a similar regard sure, but his downfall has always been heaven. the promise of his identity being inherently "good". he defys heaven, to be "good". so when he thinks he can fix that same institution so that everything would be perfect and "good" he jumps at the chance.

and he wants crowley to go with him, he thinks of crowley still as a demon and he thinks that means all the good in crowley comes from his old angelic side, instead of just crowleys self and his love.

Azi can't see that being an angel or a demon doesn't mean anything. because half the time all the other angles and demons are blindly following orders. they don't care about good or evil, they'll do each others biddings if it follows the great plan or a bet. azi is blind to it all. he believes heaven is good and hell is bad.

his growth in this season and the growth we see his character go through in the minisodes reflects this. he is always trying to be "good" and its juxtaposed with crowley being almost human in his approach.

azi only wants to do things his way, in his eyes "good" is his own creation. he wanted to make crowley "good" in his eyes again. he knows he loves crowley but he's so caught up on the fact that crowley is a demon and a demon loves him. and maybe without the promise of change in heaven he wouldve reacted differently but he knows that being loved by a demon cannot be "good". so he forgives him, he forgives crowley for loving him and he breaks his own heart because that way he's doing a "good" thing.

#good omens season 2 #good omens #good omens spoilers #gos2 #gos2 spoilers #david tennant #michael sheen #aziraphale #crowley

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quillquiver · 3 years

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On SPN, Burying Your Gays, and Being Heard

I am shaking, I feel sick, I feel like I’m insane. And did I run a little wild with the theories? You bet. But you know what didn’t help? The botched clusterfuck that was this entire goddamn finale debacle. How was I supposed to believe anything they said in panels when M&G dialogue would leak saying the exact opposite? How was I supposed to grieve and move on when there was nothing from the cast and crew? Nobody said anything! And any info leaked just destabilized what we already knew or directly contradicted what we’d been told. In light of that, how was I supposed to trust anything anyone said? One rogue translator reciprocated the love confession and I was practically sold, because there were so many questions surrounding the English text that this was something good, something that logically fit, and something I wanted to hold onto.

Because they hurt me. This is about so much more than one episode or a ship; for years queer fans have seen ourselves in these characters and been told that we were crazy. That we were reading too much into it. I’m not sure how people get upset and offended when a storyline that doesn’t exist... doesn’t exist! said Guy Bee (2013). And then, after all of that, they turned around and said magnanimously, you have your version, I have mine... and that’s okay. But it’s not okay. It’s not okay, because that doesn’t erase what came before - that doesn’t erase the baiting and the gaslighting, and that invalidates everything we felt in the time leading up to that episode. It gave them an open window for all the subtext that came after. It allowed them to brush us off.

And then we got Cas’s love confession. I watched that scene about 500 times. Added to the rest of the season - to the fandom avatar being presented as successful and intelligent, to arc being the death of the author - I felt seen. Really seen, by a show that made it its mission to erase me. I had been okay with Cas dying at first because I had been sure the romance arc would carry through. I had been convinced that after everything, there was no way they would give that to us and then take it away.

But they did, because this is Supernatural. To anyone saying this is not bury your gays, I implore you to read up on the Hays Code. This link is to an amazing queer history podcast and the episode that covers it. In short, the Hays Code was a legal document that came about in 20th Century Hollywood during the puritanical war on the American entertainment industry, and it stipulated what was not allowed on screen. Not all of it was queer - there’s a whole section about kissing - but what the Code is most remembered for is that queerness was not allowed on screen. But queer people are resilient, and so they started testing the waters... and it turned out that you could in fact code queerness into a narrative, as long as it was subtextual, or as long as the queer character died/was punished, or both. The point is that the character is not allowed to live their truth openly. They are buried, either in the ground or punished in the narrative. The former is normally what we refer to these days, because the latter just doesn’t really happen anymore.

Until Supernatural.

Castiel is immediately punished for speaking his truth - and please don’t tell me he leveraged that punishment and so he had agency. Literally the only thing that could make him happy was confessing his feelings, and so the Empty deal was directly related to this idea of queerness-as-punishment. That being said, Bobo wrote a beautiful scene. Cas’s confession was a love letter to queerness and coming out... but everything that came after buried him. Castiel may have ended the series alive but he was effectively written out of the last two episodes, and that means that he actually never really got to live his truth. He was silenced by the narrative - that is punishment.

Dean is a whole other can of worms. Does one rogue translator confirm canon bi!Dean? Or do we have to read our own version of the text? The fact that we even have to ask these questions firmly places us in the realm of queerbaiting. Were the writers trying to get bi!Dean approved but were unable to? I have no idea, but queerbaiting requires proof that the writers encouraged a reading they had no intent of following through on, and we certainly don’t lack in evidence of that. Not from this writers room, but from those of previous eras. Did these writers try? They might have, but the funny thing about queerbaiting discourse is that there has never been a show to bait this long, and I’m making the call that even if you tried at the end, you baited me with half the ship and all the years that came before.

Of course, the narrative leaves open the possibility of bi!Dean so if you do read the show that way, that means Dean also falls into the bury your gays category; if you read the show this way - which many of us do - the mere suggestion that Dean Winchester was bisexual was enough to punish him. And he was punished. We’ve all written extensively on this, but he was given a random death, on a case his father never finished. All that growth, all that time spent having him accept himself, love himself, that was all taken away. He died the way he always thought he would: as a tool, in service of his father, protecting his brother. He had always believed he’d been a body to throw on the sword and in the end that’s all he was. And when he gets to Heaven? He’s also silenced. He barely speaks in the episode except to monologue during his death, and that is 100% Sam-centric. He is scared.

It was horrific to watch. I sobbed so hard my roommate was seriously concerned.

I had been fully prepared for Supernatural to end disappointingly. I had figured everything would end with a huge heaven reunion because white, straight, cis-male S&F writers love the idea of death as a reward, but instead of being disappointed I felt like I had witnessed a slaughter. Every single one of the queer themes intrinsic to the show: found family, resilience, speaking your truth... were gone. And I know we’ve talked about this too, but it bears repeating, because in doing this, in writing the queerness out of its narrative, Supernatural effectively looked every one of us queer folx in the eye and said: you are not important. You don’t matter. All of that stuff that came before is all good and well, but what really matters at the end of all things is blood family. It’s two brothers in a car. Life sucks but at least we get to die and go to paradise - real paradise, that your angel buddy died for and then made for you and who we never hear from again.

I felt insane. I felt cheated. I felt humiliated. I felt devastated. I still feel all those things, but listen to me. You have been heard. Not by Misha Collins, who is a great guy, but doesn’t get it. Not by Jensen Ackles, who is a similarly great guy, but also just doesn’t understand. And not by anyone else who worked on this show.

You know who heard you? Me. The people who follow me. The people who follow you. We saw each other, and heard each other, and we gave each other a leg up. We made memes. We wrote fic. We drew fanart. We made gifs. All for ourselves and all for each other. We broke Tumblr multiple times. We donated over $60,000 USD to multiple different causes. We got multiple hashtags trending at multiple different points, and today kept it up because we demanded answers and then we got them. There were at least 5 articles written about the show today. We made that happen. We made people listen.

Supernatural didn’t deserve me, and it didn’t deserve you. It didn’t deserve Dean. It didn’t deserve Cas. It didn’t deserve Misha and Jensen. But this show ended with a bleak, awful message and we turned around and showed them that love is loud. So what about all of this is real?

We are.

#alex talks #spngate #archived #this was very therapeutic #and i honestly don't know if i will ever be able to love something like this again #because i have been burned oh man #but this fandom is amazing #and i am proud to be a part of it #and i am not going anywhere #journaling #15x18 #15x19 #15x20 #castiel #dean winchester #destiel

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pallasperilous · 3 years

Text

Fifty Ways to Lose Your Lover

{on AO3} “Despair” Studio Draft 09/18/20 DO NOT DISTRIBUTE INT. DUNGEON - NIGHT. (CONT.) CASTIEL is verging on tears, joy and sorrow fighting for dominance. He knows what he’s about to say will be enough to summon THE EMPTY to claim him forever. DEAN is still struggling to process, but a terrible understanding is beginning to dawn on his face. CASTIEL ...I love you. DEAN (tearfully) I love you, too... ...buddy CASTIEL (Sighs grimly.)

> “Despair” Studio Draft 09/19/20 DO NOT DISTRIBUTE INT. DUNGEON - NIGHT. (CONT.) CASTIEL ...I love you. DEAN (meaningfully) I know.

Haha sorry dude I’ve just always wanted to say that CASTIEL opens the door for THE EMPTY and wordlessly walks into the sweet embrace of OBLIVION. > “Despair” Studio Draft 09/20/20 DO NOT DISTRIBUTE INT. DUNGEON - NIGHT. (CONT.) CASTIEL ...I love you.

DEAN Cass, man...I...how long have you felt this way?

CASTIEL Maybe...season 6? But I would’ve... (He pauses, overcome with emotion, then steadies himself to meet Dean’s gaze.) But I would’ve totally dicked down by mid-season 4.

DEAN Are you...are you fucking kidding me? That’s twelve seasons, Cass!! Network length seasons!

CASTIEL I didn’t think you could possibly reciprocate –

DEAN I had DESPERATION SEX with KETCH, Cass. ARTHUR KETCH. I had to get a TETANUS BOOSTER after that shit! What the FUCK!

The pounding at the DOOR abruptly ceases.

THE EMPTY (O.S.) Hey, so, this is getting weird, I think I’m gonna take off.

CASTIEL Wait, no–

> “Despair” Studio Draft 09/21/20 DO NOT DISTRIBUTE INT. DUNGEON - NIGHT. (CONT.) CASTIEL ...I love you.

DEAN (tearfully) Bazinga.

CASTIEL opens the door and hurls DEAN into the glistening maw of THE EMPTY. > “Despair” Studio Draft 09/22/20 DO NOT DISTRIBUTE INT. DUNGEON - NIGHT. (CONT.)

CASTIEL ...I love you.

DEAN (tearfully) I love you, too.

BILLIE (O.S.) (Muffled, through DOOR) Pay up, bitch!

THE EMPTY (O.S.) Fuck!! BILLIE (O.S.) There’s an ATM twenty minutes from here up 281. I’ll wait.

THE EMPTY (O.S.) Uggggggh you suck. > “Despair” Studio Draft 09/23/20 DO NOT DISTRIBUTE INT. DUNGEON - NIGHT. (CONT.)

CASTIEL ...I love you.

DEAN I love you, too.

CASTIEL Oh.

DEAN ...what?

CASTIEL Uh. Wow. I just...didn’t anticipate this. I’m...not sure what to say. I kind of thought the EMPTY would, you know, take me. Before you could say anything back.

DEAN Huh. Good job on the wards, I guess.

CASTIEL Thank you.

A beat.

CASTIEL (nervous laugh) I really thought the EMPTY would have taken me by now.

DEAN Do you want me to check on her, or...?

CASTIEL If you wouldn’t mind. I just worry.

THE EMPTY (Opening door) Haha I’m fine guys, this is hilarious. Seriously Castiel, I’m super flattered that you think I could come up with anything worse than dating an unemployed closeted dude in his forties who’s obsessed with Zeppelin and lives with his adult brother in a basement in rural Kansas, LMAOOOO enjoy couple’s therapy, bitch > “Despair” Studio Draft 09/24/20 DO NOT DISTRIBUTE INT. DUNGEON - NIGHT. (CONT.)

CASTIEL ...I love you.

DEAN (tearfully) I love you, too. CASTIEL I mean that I love you in a romantic way. Just to be clear. DEAN No, I get it. Same. CASTIEL Sexually also. I mean, probably? Not super clear on that one, but I’m open to experimentation. DEAN I am ready to explore that with you at whatever pace and in whatever way is comfortable for all involved. CASTIEL Just making sure we’re on the same page, here: this is a homosexual declaration of romantic love. DEAN Yep. Super gay. ...queer? CASTIEL No, I like queer. It’s inclusive. DEAN An umbrella term, yeah. Reclaimed and shit. CASTIEL Because, while we’re both male-presenting, and I don’t want to diminish the significance of that, I’ve got a whole potential genderfluid situation going on, maybe also on the ace spectrum, and you’re...do you prefer bi, or pan, or...? DEAN Bi works. But, you know, 2020 style. CASTIEL Right, so meaning you experience attraction to more than one gender, not just two binary genders. DEAN (finger guns) Bingo. CASTIEL This has been a very helpful conversation. DEAN Yeah. I’m so happy we finally got to talk about this stuff, man. CASTIEL So am- THE EMPTY bursts through the door, seizes CASTIEL, and vanishes again. DEAN sighs.

> “Despair” Studio Draft 09/25/20 DO NOT DISTRIBUTE INT. DUNGEON - NIGHT. (CONT.)

CASTIEL ...I love you.

DEAN Don’t do this, Cass.

CASTIEL Yeet!

CASTIEL throws DEAN against the far wall as THE EMPTY pushes through the door.

THE EMPTY Yeet?? C’mon man, this is my last scene. I don’t even have a line, I’m just a fucking special effect. Throw me a bone here.

CASTIEL I apologize. Let’s go again.

THE EMPTY Thank you.

CASTIEL (clears throat) Yoink me, Void Daddy.

THE EMPTY Oh my god. > “Despair” Studio Draft 09/25/20 #2 DO NOT DISTRIBUTE INT. DUNGEON - NIGHT. (CONT.)

CASTIEL ...I love you.

DEAN Nice try, Chuck. Now let him go.

CHUCK appears, looking miffed. CASTIEL suddenly relaxes, like a puppet whose strings have been cut.

CHUCK Shit. How did you figure it out?

DEAN Cass and I hooked up all the way back in 9x06, man.

CHUCK Wh...no you didn’t! The crew just lost the light but had to wrap the sequence!

CASTIEL That’s exactly what we wanted you to think. We’ve been together ever since.

DEAN We had a vow renewal ceremony last month when we legally adopted Jack.

CASTIEL It was very moving.

CHUCK This is insane. You can’t do this! I control everything that happens in this universe!

DEAN Becky taught us about coda fics, Chuck. And that was all the opening we needed.

CASTIEL Dean. It’s time.

DEAN I’m ready.

CHUCK Wh...what are you doing?

CASTIEL Your power only extends to shots that make it to air, Chuck.

CHUCK (glancing at watch) No. NO.

CASTIEL That was a very long speech you had me deliver. Almost enough to take us to end credits. And then on to another show entirely.

CHUCK I think it’s OUTPOST. I haven’t...I haven’t even watched it.

DEAN Jack likes it okay.

CHUCK (sputtering) You bastards. You may try to fuck with me between eps, but whatever happens to me still has to fit logically with the situation at the beginning of the next episode!

DEAN Ah, yes. Tell me, who’s writing the next episode, Cass?

CASTIEL (with sinister resolve) Bucklemming.

The blood drains from CHUCK’s face.

DEAN Then I’d say...

CASTIEL shakes his ANGEL BLADE out into his hand.

DEAN ...Sky’s the limit. SMASH CUT TO CREDITS. {on AO3}

#spn fanfic #spn crack #destiel #spn15x18 #spn s15 spoilers #spn bts #spn fixit #this is how I die #pallasperilous fic #pallasperilous crack #spelling it Cass hurt me more than I can say

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liron-ao3 · 3 years

Text

Kiss to that

Destiel oneshot

"How long have you two been married?" Marcus asks as Dean and Castiel sit on the sofa in his living room where they want to find out if the man and his husband Louis are haunted by a ghost.

Dean moves to the side instinctively, not even sure why he and Castiel ended up sitting shoulder to shoulder in the first place, with the sofa big enough for them not to.

Castiel furrows his brow. "We're not married."

"Oh, sorry," Louis says. "You don't need a ring to prove your love, right?" He looks at them so kindly that Dean schools his features into a smile.

"Yeah. I mean, I'm happy for you guys."

Marcus nods and presses a kiss on his husband's cheek. Dean can see Castiel tilt his head and tighten his eyes as he watches the two men opposite them exchange easy affection. The corners of his lips curl up into a smile. Dean's eyes linger on it for a long moment.

"I think we have everything we need," Dean says, pulling his gaze away, and gets up. "Thank you for your time."

***

"It must be a homophobic ghost. Their queerness is the only thing the victims have in common," Sam reasons. "It's our best shot."

"I won't kiss my brother," Dean says firmly.

Sam rolls his eyes. "Me neither. Cass, would you mind making out with a man in public?"

Castiel looks up from the paper he's reading. "As a bait for the ghost?" Sam nods. "Sure. I've never kissed someone taller than I, though."

Dean rolls his eyes and pushes the memory of Castiel's tongue cleaning Meg's tonsils away.

"Just kissing, or do you think we need to do more to attract the ghost? The couples were all heavily 'making out' when they were attacked."

Sam snorts at Castiel's air quotes. "Nah, I think kissing will be enough, as long as it looks intimate."

Castiel hums in agreement.

***

The park looks suspiciously calm when Dean stops the Impala on the adjoining street that night.

"Are you ready for it, or do you need to practice first, buddy?" Dean asks, his nervousness hidden behind the thick mask of a grin that is so fake that it hurts. Kissing a crush is never a good idea. Dean learnt that lesson at 13, when he kissed Jenny McFarlane after spinning the bottle.

"We're going to be fine," Castiel states evenly.

Sam pats him on his shoulder before he slides out of the backseat and opens the door for him like a perfect gentleman.

When Dean steadied himself with several deliberate breaths, he walks around the car, ready to do what he hasn’t allowed himself for years now. His breath hitches as he passes Baby's hood. Sam and Castiel are standing there, their fingers already intertwined. Dean stares at their joint hands for an embarrassingly long moment before he clears his throat.

"I thought we—"

Castiel raises his eyebrow. "You're coming with us? I thought the third waited in the car as back-up?"

"Um," Dean replies eloquently and runs a hand over his face. "Mints, anyone?" Sam gives him a strange look. Dean shrugs. "Just wanted it to be good for you if you have to suck face and play gay."

"I'm not playing gay," Sam says.

"Me neither," Castiel adds, and Dean nearly topples over from the impact of both their impromptu coming outs.

"O—okay. I'm happy that sucking face won't suck that much, in that case," Dean replies, wincing at his own stupid words, his stomach tying itself into knots. Sam and Castiel will only fake a relationship. No biggie, right?

Sam chuckles and grins at Castiel. "We both know that we're not attracted to each other," he says easily as if this was a topic he had discussed with Castiel in abundance.

Wait! Have they?

Castiel nods in agreement. "Sam isn't really my type," he says, eyes turning glassy for a moment.

Dean swallows down the urge to ask him what exactly his type is. But his eyes fall on his watch. Dammit! Only two minutes until the usual attack time. The ghost is strangely scheduled. He ushers the 'couple' to the next best park bench and scans the surroundings, mainly for not needing to look at them as they start their smooching. But nothing happens for ten long minutes

When Dean is ready to call the whole thing off, Sam's phone starts ringing. Dean gives him an annoyed look. "Really?" he mouths when Sam looks guiltily at him. Oldest mistake since the invention of mobile phones. Sam raises his hand and motions to Dean to take his place.

Dean hesitates for a long moment, but then his eyes fall on Castiel's lips, glistening wetly in the moonlight. Dean sighs and walks to the bench, sitting down a little stiffly. He grabs Castiel's hand.

"Are you alright with this?" the angel whispers.

"Sure. I may not be gay, but lips are lips, right?"

Castiel nods quietly. "We should start then. Sam surely will get a good look at her so that we can find out which of our suspects it is. They are nothing alike."

Dean nods and wets his lips. "Okay. Let's do this." He cradles Castiel's face in his hand. It's weird with the stubble scratching against it. Weird, but not unpleasant. He runs his thumb over Castiel's lips, erasing any trace of his brother. Then, he leans in and brushes Castiel's lips with his own. It's not half bad, but Castiel isn't really reciprocating the kiss. Didn't have a problem when it was Sammy, Dean thinks, feeling sore.

"Go with it, man. It must be believable. Otherwise, the ghost will ignore us," Dean says, and Castiel complies.

Dean wouldn't have thought Castiel to be such a good kisser. This isn't a pizza man kiss. This one is passionate yet gentle. Castiel's hand ends up in Dean's short hair, and the hunter grabs the lapel of the angel's trench coat. It feels really, really nice, Dean has to admit. Better than he had imagined over the last years.

No, Dean hasn't lied. He isn't gay. Technically, his little brother and the multidimensional wavelength brushing his tongue through Dean's mouth with celestial intent aren't either. But hey, 'umbrella term' and all that stuff Charlie has taught him.

What a bad idea it was to kiss his best friend slash secret crush only registers when Dean hears Sam curse and a crowbar flies over their heads, right through the ghost that was about to attack them.

"Could've killed us with that thing!" Dean shouts.

"Thank me later." Sam grins. "Come on, it was the blonde. Let's get her salt'n'burnt."

Dean gets up from the bench, Castiel's hand still in his own. The angel doesn't move, a rapturous look adorning his face. "Come on, Cass. Before she returns."

Castiel blinks himself out of his daze.

***

They watch the bones go up in flames together. Castiel touches Dean's cheek and heals the cut that the ghost left there in a last attempt to keep him from bringing her haunting to an end.

"One less homophobic soul in this world," Sam says.

"I'll drink to that," Dean replies.

Sam smirks at him. "Better kiss to that. I'll get my own room," he says.

Dean blushes crimson, the red even visible in the firelight. "What is that supposed to mean?"

Sam shakes his head. "Only that there is a reason why it worked on you and not on Cass and me."

Castiel pierces him with his gaze, but stays silent.

Sam huffs a laugh. "You two are idiots! Can't you see that the ghost only attacked people who were truly in love?" He shakes his head and wanders off in the direction of their motel, not far away from the cemetery.

Dean looks at Castiel with shock-widened eyes. "I'm not—"

Castiel grins at him. "That's a shame. Because I am."

"Son of a bitch!" Dean presses out, and just like that, they are kissing again, in the middle of nowhere in front of an open grave. Who says romance is dead?

#destiel #deancas #fanfiction #destiel fic #destiel fanfic #destiel fanfiction #deancas fic #deancas fanfic #deancas fanfiction #destiel fandom #deancas fandom

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verobatto · 3 years

Text

Destiel Chronicles

Vol. LXXXIX

It was a love story from the very beginning

"You, me... And Sam."

Hello my friends!!! How are you? I feel much better now thanks to all your asks and your memes and your cracks, I adore them all!

Okay, putting that to a side, and still dreaming about how Jensen will give us the ending we all deserve, let's continue with this analysis, because is time to talk about the mixtape.

From butterflies in the stomach and Foreshadows of the new God

When the episode starts, there's a hint of what Jack's mission is. But coming out from Dagon's mouth, it became like a real bad future.

Dagon: Yeah. And he's not gonna stop there. Every sad, weak human, every tight-ass angel, every sniveling demon they'll all be consumed. So go ahead. Play your games. But whether you're healthy or sick, filthy or clean, He will be born. Good times.

Is almost the contrary to what Jack will actually do for the world. He will consume but it will be Chuck's powers until the last drop of it. And against Dagon's speech, he will save each demon and angel and restore everything.

Now, let's talk about CAS coming back to the bunker...

Gif credit @godshipsit

I think his face is saying everything here. The one entering in the bunker after go MIA, was Cas', so, Dean's face is scandalous.

Imagine that suddenly your disappeared crush enters through the door without previous announcement. Of cour we can read the bumping heart allnover Dean's cheek, his eyes went wide, in surprise. 'Is CAS!'

He was so worried this whole time, thinking the worst could happen to him, and now CAS is there, alive.

But his reaction to it will be completely different to Sam's reaction. This was settled to make us see the difference between how a friend would react and how a lover would react. Blatant.

Sam: Hey. You're all right. Um – Where have you been?

Sam is asking as a friend, but Dean, Dean doesn't...

Dean: Let me rephrase that for Sam. Where the hell have you been? And why have you ignored our phone calls?

Okay, let's just stop here, this is the way a wife will ask her husband. But because we are talking about Dean, we can see his shield. His shield is US/WE, his shield is SAM, because he wants to drag his brother into the feeling of being desperately worried. Because recognize that DEAN WAS THE ONLY ONE ALMOAT LOOSING HIS HEAD TRYING TO KNOW IF CAS WAS ALIVE OR WHWRE HE WAS IA SHOWING WEAKNESS, IS SHOWING HIS TRUE FEELINGS FOR THE ANGEL. So, the theme of the I/ME vs the WE/US is perfectly written all over this episode.

Castiel: Where I was, the – the reception was, uh, poor.

Dean: No bars? No bars. That's his excuse. Wow.

Castiel: I was in Heaven. I was working with the angels. When I saw Dagon had captured Kelly, I-I thought they could help.

Okay Castiel is proving he is lying by himself here, because he said first he had not signal, and now, he heard one of the so many voice mails Dean had left in his phone.

Sam: And?

Castiel: Nothing.

Sam: Well, at least you're back. We're glad you're back

And be prepared again for the difference between the friend and the JILTED lover.

Dean: Really? No, I'm sorry. Okay, 'cause while you were striking out in Heaven, we had a shot at Dagon, and we lost.

Maybe Dean was waiting Sam to second him in his anger. But it was only in Dean's heart, the deception, and the recalling of so many days be worried about CAS. Because that's what romantic love makes you be.

Castiel: I know. I received your messages.

This was like a bomb for Dean...

Dean: Oh, you did – you did receive the messages? Okay, that's good.

Sarcasm...

Castiel: Dean.

Gif credit @starlightcastiel

Dean can't handle the pain in his heart of being rejected and ignored by Castiel, so he searches for his shield again: We/Us/Sam and me.

Dean: So not only were you ditching us, but you were also ignoring us? That's great. 'Cause we really could've used the backup. But, uh, you were too busy with, um (Clicks tongue) What was it? Nothing?

Castiel: Dean, I –

Dean: What the hell is wrong with you, man? You know, whatever. That's (Chuckles) Yeah. Welcome back. (walks away)

Dean is so mad with CAS. And is blatant that his reaction is totally different to Sam's.

The Mixtape as a way to reciprocate Castiel's confession, and the desperate attempt to make CAS to stay by his side.

Okay, we are now in the scene. I'm sure this scene had been dissected by many meta writers. I won't say new things, but i will point a little to their body languages.

Okay, the scene starts with Castiel knocking at Dean's door to give him back the mixtape, so jus aknowledged there that Dean gave CAS a freaking mixtape, which doesn't have another meaning that ROMANTIC. But we can assume Castiel doesn't get this human's customaries, also, we can assume he does, because boop culture that Metatron out at once in his head... So...

After Dean, without looking at him, because he is mad and now he has to handle this angel lack of knowledge about WHAT GIFTING A MIXTAPE MEANS, he said "It's a gift, you keep those."

And Castiel gets nervous.

Gif credit @stardustcas

The swallow and the way he opens his mouth again to breathe and maybe to say something else, but he stopped himself. Castiel is nervous. I thought at first because he has to find the Colt, and he knew Dean kept it in his room. But we know now that it wasn't just that. He was flustered because the intimacy of the situation with the man he loves.

Castiel looks around before attempting to leave, maybe searching for the Colt, but then Dean starts talking:

Dean: Cas, you can't – With everything that's going on, you can't just go dark like that. We didn't know what happened to you. We were worried. That's not okay.

And in the middle of the intimate scene, awkward moment, Dean needs his shield more than never.

Castiel: Well, I didn't mean to add to your distress. I – Dean, I just keep failing. Again and again. When you were taken, I searched for months and I couldn't find you. And then Kelly escaped on my watch, and I couldn't find her. And I just wanted I needed to come back here with a win for you. For myself.

This speech is so important, because it shows how depressed Castiel felt, how uneasy. How unworthy. He needed to be useful. So he decided to start alone this dangerous journey that will end in his death. He also mentions the win. Because he didn't know he will be always Dean's win, as we will see in episode 13x06 when CAS comes back to Dean alive.

After they talk about Dragon, and Cas' asks if Sam and Dean are willing to kill an innocent, because that's dirty work, that's the mission CAS had taken in his own shoulders, Dean says this...

Dean: We will find a better way.

Castiel: You mean, we?

Gif set credit @deanwinchestrs

Cas points at Dean with the mixtape, because he wants to clarify if Dean is referring to them, to JUST CAS AND DEAN. YOU AND ME. THE TWO OF US. And Dean is now the flustered one. Look at Dean's face, being in just one spot, recognizing that the shield can be broken, that he is talking about CAS and him. Is too intimate. Too different. So his face is burning. And even so, the words are out. 'Yes, dumbass, we.'

What was this? This was an attempt coming from Castiel to get to know Dean's feelings. Pointing with the mixtape to just Dean and him. Not Sam here. Not shield. And Dean goes for it. Goes for that WE: YOU AND ME.

But then, Dean backtraks

Gif set credit @stardustcas

He starts explaining the WE, avoiding Castiel's gaze, he goes... 'You, me...' and then he tilts his head, and adds the shield back again: 'and Sam.'

The second gif is showing Dean backtracking, Because is too intimate, is too risky, he is standing on the edge between friendship and something else. He can't cross that line. Mostly because he is not sure about Castiel's feelings for him, and more now, after seeing how CAS ignored him for so long. Dean is like:

"What am I doing? Let's mention Sam here, and turn this into no homo conversation."

But the nervousness is all over the scene, i got nervous watching it because the awkward moment!

Gif set credit @stardustcas

More nervousness. Dean's flustered eyes. The swallowing. The attempt of staring into those blue eyes of the man he loves. (The butterflies in the stomach, the heart beating fast, the dry mouth) trying to make the conversation more normal, but their faces are loud.

Vas says he likes that and then Dean is more frustrated than never and his dry mouth is asking for a beer, or maybe he find a way out from the awkward moment, the gay moment. He needs to breathe. He almost let his guard down with this angel. And the desperate way to say STAY WITH ME. DON'T GO AWAY AGAIN. To his angel.

Castiel engages with a seductive look in the middle of the sexual tension

Sam: I mean, how did Cass even get the Colt out of the safe in the first place?

Dean drops his head. Sam raises an eyebrow

Sam Dean, you – you put the Colt back in the safe, right? Dean?

Dean: It was under my pillow. It – I like to keep it close. (Sighs) He came into my room and he played me.

Okay i can even explain the intimacy of this. Even if CAS didn't know about this and he just went searching all over Dean's room. Mention this after the huge scene full of romantic tension, has a meaning. Again: INTIMACY. And adding the "He played me" to all of this is another symbol way to show theme audience this was like that scene between the guy and his crush, in wich his crush takes advantage of it and plays him by stealing something from him. Yes.

Finally, when they find CAS... This scene...

Gif credit @stardustcas

Dean is mad, very mad at him. Because Castiel really played him. But... Look at the scene. Look at Castiel's gaze: PURE SEDUCTION. He maybe is aware of the effect he causes on Dean. And after the mixtape scene, he goes for it. Seduction as if they were in their first seasons together. And Dean is muted, and stares at him, then checks him out, and they're in their own sexual tension world, until Sam calls him. But he has to calls him twice because his brother is too embedded into Castiel's hot behavior.

But don't forget Dean is mad at him. So now, is Dean the one playing around with CAS. Throwing the keys at him and making him almost loose his stability to reach them.

Closing the circle

When Dean and Sam reach Castiel again in the middle of a battle with Dragon, Dean's desperation when Dagon is about to smite Castiel is high level.

But then Jack saves the day, not just showing CAS the future (the ending of season 15) but also, Jack gave him powers to finish Dagon.

Then, the scene in wich Castiel heals Dean is full of intimacy again. The lingerie touch, rubbing fingers. Because Dean is moving his hand slowly away from CAS touch but he ended by letting his hand to feel Castiel's rubbing his fingers. To let Castiel to heal him.

And then, CAS is gone again.

To Conclude:

12x19: The Future has Destiel all over it. Dean mad at him, reaching the level of a JILTED lover. Dean way to protect himself from another rejection using the WE/US/SAM shield. Just because he can't handle it. The doubts about Cas' feelings, and the way the angel always find to go MIA, makes his heart stutter.

The mixtape scene is one of the most emblematic. The nervousness is all over their faces, and Misha and Jensen transmite perfectly the romantic tension between the two characters and goes straight to our hearts, making us feel awkward and flustered too.

Hope you like this meta. See you in the next one!

Tagging @magnificent-winged-beast @emblue-sparks @weird-dorky-little-d @michyribeiro @whyjm @legendary-destiel @a-bit-of-influence @thatwitchydestielfan @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @lykanyouko @evvvissticante @savannadarkbaby @dea-stiel @poorreputation @bre95611 @thewolfathedoor @charlottemanchmal @neii3n @deathswaywardson @followyourenergy @dean-is-bi-till-i-die @hekatelilith-blog @avidbkwrm @anarchiana @dickpuncher365 @vampyrosa @authorsararayne @mybonsai1976 @love-neve-dies @dustythewind @wayward-winchester67 @angelwithashotgunandtrenchcoat @trashblackrainbow @deeutdutdutdoh @destiel-shipper-11 @larrem88 @charmedbycastiel @ran-savant @little-crazy-misha-minion @samoosetheshipper

@shadows-and-padlocked-hearts @mishtho @dancingtuesdaymorning @nerditoutwithbooks @mikennacac73 @justmeand-myinsight @idontwantpeopletoknowmyname @teddybeardoctor @pepevons @helevetica @isthisdestiel @dizzypinwheel @jawnlockwinchester @horsez2 @qanelyytha

@destielle @agusvedder @spnsmile @shippsblog @robot-feels @superlock-in-the-tardis @superduckbatrebel @2musiclover2 @madronasky @anon-non2 @cea1996

If you want to be added or removed from this list, just let me know.

If you wanna read the previous metas from season 12, here you have the links:

Vol. LXXV, LXXVI, LXXVII, LXXVIII, LXXIX, LXXIX, LXXX, LXXXI, LXXXII, LXXXIII, LXXXIV, LXXXV, LXXXVI, LXXXVII, LXXXVIII.

Buenos Aires, November 24th 2020, 9:36 PM

#destiel #destiel chronicles #destiel meta #supernatural meta #season 12 meta #destiel mixtape #destiel is canon

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dumbasswithastick · 3 years

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If I see one more person say the way they made Destiel canon was “homophobic” or that Dean doesn’t reciprocate because he just stood there I might lose my mind, so here’s my opinion that absolutely no one asked for.

Destiel became canon in the exact way I would have expected it to. Not necessarily the specific situation, but something along the lines of one of them confessing when they’re about to die, and we did all joke about the empty taking Cas when he’s happy with Dean because he loves him. So everything on Cas’s end was absolutely amazing and I think we all agree on that. Dean’s reaction is what seems to be bringing up controversy and I understand why on a surface level, but when you think it through properly his reaction was appropriate. Dean has never been an outwardly emotional person, he hardly ever cries or genuinely laughs, he pushes those feelings down to get the job done. Now, to be fair, Dean is absolutely an emotional person on the inside, he’s driven by his feelings constantly, he doesn’t think he acts out of fear or anger or, as Cas pointed out, a lot of the time it’s love. So we know, based on that, that Dean can and often does feel things that we can’t clearly see in his words or his face. Another thing that we know for certain about Dean is that he would do anything in the world to protect Sam, protecting his baby brother is his top priority 100% of the time. Now let’s reanalyze Dean’s reaction keeping those things in mind.

1) I can probably count the number of times Dean Winchester has cried on one hand. I would probably be willing to bet actual money it’s less than 10 times. The only times he has ever cried have been over family, things like Sam dying, Mary dying, Cas dying. God this is depressing. So Dean crying over Cas’s confession really means something, it means that it was as important to him as it was to Cas, it definitely means that what Cas was saying seriously meant a lot to him

2) While his actions speak louder than his words, I think his words are pretty damn important too so let’s take a look at that. Now, Dean didn’t say much, and that’s to be expected because he hates displaying emotion, but I think what he did manage to say said enough for what he was going through. I think the only times Dean spoke during that scene were to say “why does this sound like goodbye” and “don’t do this Cas,” and both of those lines are very important here. Cas was clearly outlining his plan, he told dean about the empty, said how it was really the only thing that could stop Billie, and said that it would only take him when he was finally happy. He then clearly expressed how Dean made him happy and went into detail about how much he loved Dean, I really don’t think what he was doing could have been any more clear. Still, Despite Castiel’s clear outline of what was about to happen, Dean said “why does this feel like goodbye.” He knew it was goodbye, we all knew it was goodbye, but he had to ask, to make sure, because he didn’t want to believe it. He didn’t want to believe that his best friend was saying goodbye for good because he couldn’t bear to lose Cas again, especially after what he’d just been saying. Even more importantly, this happened literal moments after Dean was saying how they were all going to die and they couldn’t stop it. He literally said Billie would kill Cas, then kill him, and he wasn’t crying then. This just goes to show that Dean really does love Cas, because his being completely at peace with dying alongside Cas but he was absolutely devastated at the idea that he would have to live without Cas. (this could be further backed up by comparing it to the time Dean rewrote his memories because he would rather think he let Cas down than think Cas didn’t want him, but I won’t get into that here)

3) After the empty takes Cas, Dean is out of fucking comision. He curls up against the wall and cries, it’s sad and all, we can clearly tell he’s completely lost. Dean is usually the kind of person to keep fighting until the battle is won, no matter what happens in the middle. Billie has just told him that Chuck is the one removing people from the planet, which means anyone they know and care about is on the table. Sam is calling him repeatedly and he doesn’t know what’s happened, he doesn’t know if anyone- Charlie, Bobby, Jack, or hell even Sam- is safe. He doesn’t know how much Chuck has taken from them, he doesn’t know anything. And he doesn’t care. His little brother is calling him, he knows it’s important, people’s lives are at stake, protecting Sammy is his top priority every single time. And yet, he’s so broken over Cas’s confession and his death that he can’t be bothered to pick up the phone. In that moment, he’s so completely broken that he doesn’t care about Sam, or all of the lives that are at stake, or even himself, because he’s just lost something so much bigger, he lost the love of his life.

If you think Dean ‘just stood there’ or that he didn’t reciprocate Cas’s feelings, I’ve got to wonder if you even watched the show. The Dean Winchester I was watching loved Cas more than anything else in the world

TLDR; Dean didn’t just stand there, his feelings were clear to see if you know what you’re looking for

Edit: Cas dying doesn’t make it homophobic, Cas dies at the end of every fucking season it’s not because he’s gay, and I genuinely believe that either the boys will find a way to get Cas back or Dean will die too or something, the quality of this show has been declining since season 5 but it’s still not bad enough that they’re gonna just throw in “oh btw the angel is gay after all” and then have the last 2 episodes go exactly the same way they would have if he hadn’t told Dean.

#supernatural #SPN #spn cast #destiel #casdean #castiel #cas #dean winchester #dean #destiel is finally canon #oh my fuck #im still crying #spn season 15

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wooyunhwa · 3 years

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devil’s advocate | yunsan

view pinned post for my masterlist!

Genre: smut

Pairing: demon!san x angel!yunho

Word Count: 6.6k

Warnings: mostly pwp, idol/idol pairings, oral, fingering, barebacking, biting/blood drinking, kind of infidelity? although no one is actually dating anyone this whole fic is just a mess of love triangles everywhere but keep that in mind

Synopsis: Yunho summons San for a chat while Y/N is asleep, but he soon discovers that old habits die hard.

A/N: Here it is, the semi canon yunsan slash fic I’ve been talking about! If you haven’t read my kingdom series some of this may be confusing to you, since the characters and interactions are based on that fic, but the smut can be enjoyed on its own I think! This story happens somewhere in the middle of my fic, while San is still a demon and Yunho is still watching after Y/N. This is canon if you want it to be, and not canon if you don’t! Enjoy~

Y/N had nodded off while studying with her headphones in, as usual. Yunho decided to let her be, not daring to interrupt her sleep by rousing her to take off her headphones or move her to a more comfortable position. She always slept better when listening to something anyway, he noticed.

Yunho could have left. He could have gone home—he even could have used the opportunity to get a good night’s sleep, take advantage of his human body that was constantly threatening him with the need to dream. It was so unfamiliar to him.

But as Yunho prepared to leave, a peculiar post-it, pinned precariously above Y/N’s desk, caught his eye. He knew it was San’s calling card, or at least he could guess as much by the Latin scribblings. He froze for a moment, his limbs feeling like lead as his body moved him towards the post-it note. It was a bad idea, he knew it, but his body was pulling him forward before any sense of reason or logic could catch up.

As an angel, he couldn’t summon San even if he wanted to, calling card or not. But as a temporary human, he was free to do what he wished with San—with a curious loophole. As an angel, even in his human body, he didn’t need a contract with San.

He exited the room quietly, shutting the door gingerly behind him. If he was going to have an opportunity to talk to San alone, now was probably the best—if not only—time he would have to do it. He stood in the middle of the living room facing the kitchen, bringing the post-it note up to recite San’s card carefully.

“Well this is an unexpected surprise,” San’s voice rang out from behind him. Yunho swiveled on his heels to see San poised neatly on the couch, looking as dark and devilish as ever. He ran his fingers through his hair, tousling it gently as his crimson gaze met Yunho’s. “The human’s place and yet… no human?”

“She’s asleep,” Yunho explained calmly, shoving his hands in his pockets. “I thought we could talk.”

“Talk, hm?” San fiddled his lip ring in his fingers absently, dragging his lip down slightly as he pulled at it. “Hm… Is that liquor I smell on your innocent little angel breath, Yunho?” San asked with a smug smirk, but no question needed to be asked. Yunho smelled unmistakably like the glass of alcohol he’d had with Y/N earlier in the evening—an activity he wasn’t exactly used to yet. Alcohol was useless to an angel, but to his human form, it was liquid gold.

“I—it doesn’t matter…” Yunho started, heat pooling in his cheeks from San’s call out. He was embarrassed to have even given in to a drink in the first place. It was a bit sinful, as an angel.

San’s eyes gleamed mischievously as he gazed at Yunho up and down. “Don’t worry, Yunyun. I won’t tell.” He made a zipping motion with his fingers against his lips.

“Don’t call me that, San. I told you never to call me that again,” Yunho said through gritted teeth.

“What, are you just going to pretend forever?” San raised himself slowly from the couch, taking a step towards Yunho. “Pretend that we weren’t a thing?”

Yunho rolled his eyes. “A thing? Is that what you want to call it now?” He took a deep breath, collecting himself. San knew exactly which buttons of his to push—he always did. “I didn’t come here to talk about this, you know. I came here to talk about our situation.”

San quirked an eyebrow, eyes glazed over with an emotion Yunho couldn’t quite place. “What if I don’t want to talk?”

“No one said you have to say, San. You know I can’t contract you. You’re free to go if you want,” Yunho said, trying to seem as unbothered as possible. But the truth was, he was completely bothered by the idea of San leaving. Maybe it was the drink slightly rose-coloring his vision, but San looked… incredible.

He was lean, as always, his proportions immaculate—a statue of a demon, waist cinched in beautifully by a belt, then erupting into a dizzying display of broad shoulders. Yunho wiped his mouth subconsciously, swiping away the drool that had somehow collected at the corners of his lips. His time with San was a distant memory, but one that, at this moment, he desperately wanted to experience again. If only once.

Something Yunho didn’t know about alcohol—it made him horny. He’d only had one small glass, and yet he felt himself growing harder by the minute, especially when standing right in front of San like this. He wondered if San noticed. Yunho wouldn’t call himself gay, not in the slightest. But he always had a soft spot for San. Maybe that was why, now, he couldn’t do anything but picture San naked underneath him.

He shook the thoughts from his head, coming back into reality when San took another step forward. Yunho stumbled back slightly.

“That’s fine. I’d like to stay. Been a while since we got some time to talk alone, wouldn’t you say, Yunyun?” The nickname poured off San’s tongue with so much power, so much conviction. Yunho knew he was toying with him, but a part of him welcomed it.

“San, I don’t have time for—”

“For what, hmm? A little alone time with your ex-lover?” San flashed his fangs, and Yunho stumbled back until his back met the cold surface of the kitchen counter. “I have to admit, you look good. It’s too bad you don’t have your pretty little wings.”

He looked Yunho up and down with his blood-red eyes, gleaming impishly as he noticed Yunho’s nervous disposition. Yunho could barely hide the way he was squirming now, feet shuffling against the floor, not quite sure where to put his hands. He crossed his legs slightly to conceal his boner, but he knew San had already seen it by the look in his eye as his gaze moved downwards.

“I knew you still had a soft spot for me, Yunho. Or maybe a hard spot…” He took one more step forward, pinning Yunho with his hands, trapping him against the marble countertop. “Feeling flustered by me, angel boy? Cute.”

Yunho scoffed, shoving San off him. “I’m not playing your games, San. I know you.”

San clicked his teeth against his fangs, then drew his tongue across his lip annoyedly. “You’re no fun. I was just playing around.”

As much as Yunho hated to admit it, and how much he knew that San was just toying with him for fun, he had a point. Yunho was completely flustered—San was irresistible to him in every way, especially now. Yunho’s boner throbbed against the crotch of his pants, the discomfort compounding by the second as he watched San’s every move.

“So, were we gonna talk?” San asked, elbow leaning against the counter next to Yunho. “Or are you just gonna keep checking me out?”

Yunho remembered why he’d originally brought San here—to talk. But he couldn’t quite remember what about, or why, or even think about anything but San looking like that. “I—uh… uh, yeah. Talk. We should do that.”

San let out a cheeky laugh, lips curling up into his familiar smirk, a flash of fangs and charming dimples. “You don’t sound very convinced of that, angel boy.”

Yunho’s eyes trained on San’s lips. He had a one track mind now—and his dick was right with him. He couldn’t believe he was even considering coming on to San like this, in Y/N’s apartment with her sleeping just a wall away. He wasn’t really worried about waking her, since she fell asleep with her headphones in, but it still felt morally wrong. He wasn’t in the mood to think about morals, though, to his surprise—considering he was an angel of the highest moral compass. Or so his coworkers would say. He was never one to break an angel code. Thankfully for him, there was nothing in angel code against human-him kissing his demon ex-lover in his assignment’s apartment. At least, he was pretty sure there wasn’t.

Yunho’s lips came down on San’s before he had even a minute more to rationalize with himself. He pulled his body around San’s, this time pinning him like he’d pinned Yunho minutes before. San moaned in surprise against his mouth, pausing for a minute at Yunho’s sudden initiation before reciprocating the kiss against him.

San slowly peeled himself away from the kiss. “Mm, I know I was teasing you earlier, but I didn’t expect you to actually kiss me, Yunyun.”

Yunho furrowed his brows. “Do you not… want me to?”

San’s eyes glazed with lust, biting his lip as he drew his gaze up and down Yunho’s face, lingering just a bit too long on his lips. “Of course I’m not gonna say no to a pretty angel boy like you,” he purred, pulling back into Yunho’s lips hungrily.

Yunho fisted one hand in San’s hair, the other grasped firmly over his bicep, digging in with his nails. San growled low in his throat at the sensation of Yunho’s nails digging deeper, and Yunho pressed harder against San’s chest, pushing his back further against the cold countertop.

“I’ll never get used to the smell of demon,” Yunho muttered through heavy breaths between kisses.

“You don’t exactly taste heavenly to me either, angel boy. But you’re hot, so I’ll make an exception,” San quipped back, smirking against his lips.

Yunho’s cock ached in his jeans, and he ground himself up against San as they made out, which, if he was being honest, only made it worse. He wanted San naked, now. But he was also enjoying the pleasure as San’s tongue dipped into his mouth. San’s demon taste, admittedly, wasn’t Yunho’s favorite. But he was too consumed with desire to care—right now he tasted as heavenly as any angel.

Yunho brought his hand down to palm San’s cock through his pants, noting it was just as hard as his was. San grunted and sighed against his lips, melting like putty in his hands. Something about the way he could reduce San to a moaning mess with just a touch brought a rush of power through Yunho’s head, but San wouldn’t let him keep it.

San pushed Yunho off of him, guiding him to the couch and shoving him down by his shoulders with two strong hands. Yunho sank into the cushions, eyes widening as San planted himself in Yunho’s lap, straddling him with his legs on either side. Yunho watched as San’s crimson eyes grew dark, lustful as he found his way down on Yunho’s lap. San’s hands threaded through Yunho’s hair, gripping tight as his lips found their way back to the angel’s, more hungrily this time.

He ground his hips down against Yunho’s throbbing cock, still threatening to burst through his jeans at any moment. San ground mercilessly against him, eating up every needy whine that escaped the angel’s mouth.

“Angels, so pathetic,” San purred, lingering his fangs over Yunho’s neck threateningly. “Moaning little messes.”

Yunho couldn’t argue with that—he was a complete mess with San on top of him, giving him just enough to keep him aching for more. “You know, you smell like an angel, but I bet your blood tastes just as good as a human.”

San’s sharp fangs teeth pressed down slowly against Yunho’s taut flesh, not quite hard enough to pierce the surface tension of his skin. Yunho squirmed underneath him, bucking his hips up against San’s, and he could feel San’s mouth draw up into a satisfied smirk against his neck.

“Hmm, angel boy? Think your colleagues upstairs would be happy with me littering you with pretty little marks?”

Yunho gulped, and San tightened his grip in Yunho’s hair, yanking his head down harshly against the back of the couch until Yunho was staring at the ceiling. His fangs dragged along the sensitive skin of Yunho’s neck, sending tingles rocketing down his spine.

“San, you can’t… she’ll see—”

San sighed disappointedly. “That’s too bad. I was really looking forward to draining you,” he muttered against the angel’s neck, pulling back to make eye contact with Yunho.

Yunho felt almost like his prey as San’s crimson eyes dissolved slowly to a dangerous, demonic black. He’d fucked San before, but they were angels. It was entirely different then—soft, heavenly, warm. But this. This was cold, dark, and passionate—a sexual experience unlike Yunho had ever had. One he now almost regretted not having sooner.

Yunho realized he was still fully clothed—a reality he needed to change as soon as physically possible. He pulled his sweater over his head, then started fumbling uncoordinatedly at the buttons of San’s shirt until it was hanging open, revealing his perfectly sculpted chest. San was exactly Yunho’s type, if he had to pick one—lean, but not too muscular, small waist, broad shoulders. In fact, one could say San was Yunho’s only type in men.

Yunho’s large hands fit perfectly around San’s tiny waist, holding San in place neatly as he ground against Yunho’s crotch. San littered kisses down Yunho’s neck, displaying impressive self control as he carefully dragged his fangs along the surface, not daring to leave marks. Yunho let out shaky moans as San moved down to his collarbone, peppering kisses and nibbles along his shoulders and chest.

Yunho was so worked up, writhing beneath him in a way that he could hardly control any more. He worried if San so much as touched his cock, he would lose it right there—and he wanted to savor this moment as much as possible.

San glared up at him with a teasing smirk as he trailed his tongue down Yunho’s abs, sliding down off the couch until he was on his knees, his head level with Yunho’s crotch. He popped the button on Yunho’s jeans, then slowly tugged down the zipper, clearly enjoying the way Yunho writhed in anticipation.

“What’s the matter, angel boy? Too slow?” San teased, and Yunho sighed in frustration. San traced his fingers over the fabric of Yunho’s underwear, his touch featherlight and heinously gentle. “Tell me what you want,” he purred.

“Quit torturing me,” Yunho huffed, tilting his head down to glare at San.

“Be more specific, love. If you want me to suck your cock, just say so. Or are you too innocent, hmm? That’s cute.” San’s smile widened as he teased Yunho, not letting his game up for even a moment.

Yunho sputtered, choking a bit at San’s forwardness. But he should have known he would be like. “San, I’m not gonna—”

“So you want me to stop then, is that it?” San sat back on his heels defiantly, and Yunho’s eyes widened, brows furrowing. He knew San wasn’t one to let up so easily—that stubborn asshole.

“No—no… please, San,” Yunho begged, the throbbing of his cock against his underwear nearly making his eyes water.

A smug smirk tugged at San’s lips, satisfaction glimmering in his blood-red irises. “Cute, how you think a simple please is enough. Beg for me, love. I wanna hear it from those innocent little angel lips.”

Yunho gulped. The only thing he had left was to shove the embarrassment down to get what he wanted—no, what he needed.

“I—I want you to s—” His breath caught in his throat, a huge lump forming as the blood pooled in his cheeks, making his face hot with humiliation.

“Look at you, so innocent. I don’t recall you being this shy when we were together, Yunyun. Thousands of angel years must have really done a number on you.”

Yunho gritted his teeth, choking out his next words carefully. “I—I want you to suck my cock. Please. Please, San.”

“That’s my angel,” San purred, a grin fully formed on his lips as he sat back up on his knees.

San hooked his fingers in the waistband of Yunho’s jeans, finally tugging them down. Yunho raised his hips off the couch to slide them off, equal parts mortified and aroused by San’s games. He couldn’t deny how bad he wanted it, a fact San knew all too well. San slid Yunho’s underwear off next, his embarrassingly hard cock springing free in front of San’s face.

“Oh, my. I forgot how big it was.” San raised his eyebrows as he tossed Yunho’s clothes aside, licking his lips as he examined it from base to tip. It was a compliment, but somehow Yunho’s cheeks reddened even further, hot underneath San’s intense, crimson leer.

San flicked his tongue across the tip, lapping up the droplet of precum with a soft kitten lick. Yunho groaned in the back of his throat at the sensation. It was barely anything, and yet San had him so wound up he was bucking his hips at even the slightest of touches. San snickered at his pathetic response.

San wrapped his lips around the head, sucking lightly as his hands came to rest on Yunho’s thighs. He gave just enough suction for Yunho to jerk his hips up with a shaky breath. San laughed with his lips still sealed around the head, smug red eyes locked on Yunho’s as he slowly took more into his mouth.

“Oh, god,” Yunho breathed, tipping his head back against the couch.

“Using the lord’s name in vain? Bad angel,” San scolded, pulling off Yunho’s cock with a wet pop. San wrapped a hand around the base, jerking it in his fist as he dragged his tongue in circles around the head. “Someone hasn’t been reading his Bible lately.”

“I don’t want to hear that from you—ah, fuck,” Yunho groaned, cutting himself off as San sank down onto his cock, taking as much as he could into his mouth before it hit the back of his throat. San’s eyelashes fluttered as it became difficult, watery eyes looking up at Yunho as he gagged slightly.

San looked gorgeous around his cock, much to Yunho’s chagrin. He was the very picture of sin—his soft lips stretched perfectly around Yunho’s thick shaft, teary crimson eyes leering through dark lashes, wisps of hair black as coal falling over his face like raven’s feathers. San looked like heaven and hell all at once, and Yunho couldn’t get enough.

The mere sight of San on his knees in front of him was nearly enough to push him over the edge, but San pulled away just in time for Yunho to take a few necessary deep breaths to pull himself back to reality. San looked up with a satisfied grin, drawing his tongue over his lip, lingering it over his lip ring playfully.

He stood up slowly, giving Yunho the perfect view of him as he stripped off his jeans. Yunho widened his eyes as San undid his belt, the veins in San’s forearms bulging slightly as he tugged it off. Yunho’s thoughts grew utterly sinful—completely unfit for an angel—as he imagined the things San could do with that belt. But he tossed it aside to the floor, prioritizing his hard cock bulging from the crotch of his jeans. Yunho’s mouth watered as San slowly stripped his jeans and underwear off, allowing his length completely free now.

San stepped forward, dragging his fingernail along the taut skin of Yunho’s neck, forcing his gaze up to meet his. San surely got a euphoric sense of power having Yunho look up at him rather than down.

“You know the drill, love. On your knees for me, okay?” San purred, letting his nails dig into Yunho’s chest as he ran them down, leaving angry marks behind.

San’s eyes widened as Yunho stood up from the couch, closing every inch of space left between them. San’s head tipped up now, meeting Yunho’s as he watched the angel’s eyes darken mischievously—a look entirely unbefitting of him, but enough to make San blush slightly.

“No, San.” Yunho contested, placing his hand on his cheek as San’s crimson eyes grew confused. Yunho, admittedly, wasn’t one to fight against San’s control. He was, as San would put it, a good little angel.

“No?” San hissed through his teeth.

“What, you’re not used to your prey defying you?” Yunho asked with a devilish smirk, taking a page straight out of San’s playbook.

He didn’t know what came over him—he wasn’t usually like this. In his time with San as angels, San was always the one who took control, the one on top. Yunho liked it that way too. He was entirely submissive in nature, which is why now, as he openly defied San’s orders, asserting dominance by looming above him, San’s eyes widened in complete shock.

“You don’t want me to fuck you then, is that it? Angel boy is too innocent, too pure now, hmm?” San asked, but his voice was shakier than before as Yunho towered over him.

“No, San. I’m going to fuck you this time.”

Yunho had never seen San’s eyes so wide, glimmering with an emotion somewhere between fear and excitement. “I—I’m sorry. You’re going to what?” San sputtered, biting his lip as he met Yunho’s harsh stare.

“Don’t tell me you’re afraid to take my cock?” Yunho teased, running his fingers slowly through San’s hair, sticky with sweat. San’s confusion only compounded in his expression, and honestly, Yunho had no idea where his sudden confidence had come from either. The effects of the alcohol from earlier had worn off by now, and yet he was asserting so much dominance over San now like it was nothing.

“Who’s the innocent one now, demon boy?” Yunho felt so satisfied as the words dripped off his tongue—he understood San more now, and the pleasure he got with toying around with him so mercilessly. After everything that San put him through, Yunho was going to take back his control.

San’s voice was shaky as he spoke, but his eyes were narrower now, dark and glazed with lust. “I’ve never seen this side of you, Yunyun,” he said as he helped tug Yunho’s jeans to his ankles. Yunho shook them off his legs, discarding them to the side. “I have to say, it’s kind of hot.”

San’s hand came down to softly stroke Yunho’s cock, and Yunho let a growl roll low in his throat as San caught him off guard. Yunho’s eyes trained on the demon’s neck as a gulp rolled through San’s throat.

“What?” Yunho probed, forcing San’s chin up again to look him in the eyes.

“It—uh, you’re big,” San said, his confidence dissolving rapidly as he gauged Yunho’s impressive size with his fingers.

“Bigger than you’ve taken before?” Yunho asked, stroking San’s hair, which was still tangled neatly between his long fingers.

“I’ve never… uh… I’ve never taken any before,” San admitted quietly, breaking his crimson stare away. Yunho’s eyes widened for a moment, before erupting into uncontrolled laughter.

“I’m sorry, I’m supposed to believe the almighty San, glorified sex demon, has never been fucked before?” Yunho asked mockingly. His harsh words surprised even himself, but they poured out now with so much raw vigor he wasn’t in a position to stop himself.

“Shut the fuck up, angel boy. You know I like to be the one in control,” San sneered in response.

“Don’t worry, I’ll be gentle,” Yunho cooed, his tone a bit condescending. He wasn’t going to waste his opportunity to play around with San a little. “But no promises.”

San scoffed. “No need to be gentle with me. I can handle myself.”

Yunho’s lips drew into smirk, bending over until his breath tickled against San’s ear. “You’re gonna regret saying that.”

Yunho could see San’s knees buckle slightly under him, making him a bit wobbly as he slipped away for a moment. It was satisfying to see San like this—shaken, visibly working to hide the way Yunho’s uncharacteristically powerful aura was affecting him.

“I—I’ll be right back,” San muttered, turning on his heels out of Yunho’s large shadow, finding his way into the kitchen.

Yunho sank back down on the couch, waiting as San rummaged through Y/N’s kitchen cabinets before re-emerging with a jar of coconut oil.

“Coconut oil? How did you—”

“It’s saved my ass many times,” San responded dryly, prompting Yunho to chuckle at the unexpectedly apt word choice. It would certainly be saving his ass now.

San stifled a visible gulp as he drew to his knees in front of Yunho on the couch once again, dipping his fingers into the coconut oil and working the slick substance all over Yunho’s waiting cock. Yunho let out an uncontained whimper at San’s touch, still all-too-sensitive from the way San had worked him up earlier.

Yunho’s mind was a mess of lust, his mind consumed with thoughts of only SanSanSan, on his knees, submitting underneath him. He imagined San’s restrained whimpers, his embarrassed whines and moans as he took Yunho fully inside him for the first time.

San was stroking the angel’s hard length softly, a sight Yunho could have only described as beautiful, perfect, everything he ever needed—and yet his mind was elsewhere. He had a one track mind to take San until he was screaming his name—a pathetic, whiny mess sprawled on the couch. All his thoughts, his feelings, were consumed by a filthy culmination of all of Yunho’s pent up anger and frustration towards the demon he once loved, bubbling within him now all at once. That, and the raw sexual attraction he had for this somehow godly demon—a sinful way for an angel to think of such a horrible creature.

San’s growingly enthusiastic pumping around Yunho’s shaft snapped him back to attention, making hooded eye contact with the demon’s lustful ruby eyes. Yunho gestured for him to get up, motioning towards his lap, and San obeyed enthiastially, taking a gentle seat against Yunho’s thighs, not once breaking contact of his fingers on the angel’s member. San straddled his lap, his own cock brushing against Yunho’s as he settled in. San bit his lip as Yunho’s hands came to grab his ass, giving it a rough squeeze with his long fingers.

“A-are you gonna, um—” San stuttered, and Yunho could see his cheeks were flushed a pretty red from their close proximity.

“Am I gonna…?” Yunho prompted, a smirk blooming on his face at San’s embarrassment.

San broke his crimson gaze from Yunho’s, ducking his head down. “You know. Um—”

“Aw, are you embarrassed to say you want my fingers inside you? So cute,” Yunho cooed, letting condescension fill his voice as his smirk widened.

“Shut the fuck up, angel boy,” San growled, heat pooling more heavily in his cheeks as Yunho continued to tease him.

Yunho snickered in amusement as he reached for the jar, dipping his fingers in to coat them in oil. He brought his hand back to San’s ass, gently trailing a slick finger along his entrance, and he felt San shiver in his lap, letting out a shaky breath. San’s hands snaked around Yunho’s shoulders, burying his head in the crook of his neck to hide his red face.

Yunho slowly pushed a finger in, his other arm wrapping around San’s waist to keep him steady. San let out an adorable little squeak, and Yunho smiled at his reaction. Yunho pushed it in all the way, sliding down past the knuckle until his hand barred him. Yunho’s cock twitched at how tight he was, even with just one finger inside—he could only imagine how San would feel around him.

“You good?” Yunho asked softly.

“Yeah,” San breathed against Yunho’s neck. “Keep going.”

Yunho pulled his hand back, slowly dragging his finger out almost all the way, then gently eased it back in, eating up San’s shaky breaths against his neck, spilling hot air over Yunho’s skin. Yunho began a slow rhythm, gradually increasing the speed of his movements.

San whimpered beneath him, Yunho’s lips drawing into a satisfied smile as he listened closely to San’s every sound, pleased at the way Yunho had him—very literally—wrapped around his finger. Even as an angel, San was always in control, always one step ahead. It gave Yunho an unmistakable headrush to see the normally cocky demon conceding so easily under him, his heavy breaths and restrained whines falling softly from his lips.

Yunho brought a second finger to San’s entrance, teasing light circles around the outside.

“Think you can handle another, hmm, demon boy?” Yunho breathed in San’s ear. He wasn’t usually one for condescending nicknames, but if he wanted to keep up with San, he’d have to pull out all the tricks.

He felt San nod yes in the crook of his neck.

“Use your words.”

“Yes. Fuck you,” San sneered in response, though his actions didn’t match the icy sting of his words. He was a moaning, whiny mess, yet he still tried to play cool.

Yunho only chuckled in response as San bit his lip to restrain the moans as Yunho slipped the second finger in, bringing it slowly up to pace. As San seemed to relax into the sensations, melting against Yunho’s chest, head still buried in his shoulder, Yunho got creative. He twisted his long fingers inside San’s ass, crooking them slightly to increase the pressure.

“Ah—ah, fuck,” San breathed against his skin.

“Should I stop?” Yunho asked softly, halting his movements teasingly.

“No—no, fuck—keep going.”

He slowly resumed the movement of his fingers, keeping his pace unpredictable as he felt San shake and clench around him, eating up the moans and whines as San conceded to his movements. A wave of inspiration rushed over him suddenly.

“Sannie,” he cooed, using a nickname he hadn’t used for the demon in hundreds—if not thousands—of years. “Look at me.”

Yunho moved his free hand from supporting San’s small waist to his chin, pulling it off his shoulder to making eye contact with him. San struggled to meet his eyes, face still red-hot from the humiliation of his submissive state.

“Tell me you want me, Sannie,” Yunho purred, eyes trained mischievously on San’s flustered expression. “If you want my cock, you have to ask nicely.”

He thrusted his fingers up to the knuckle, causing San’s pretty moans to spill over beautifully from his lips.

“Ah—Yun—ah,” San breathed through his teeth, any composure he had left slowly unraveling in Yunho’s hands. “Fuck—fuck you, I’m not going to beg.”

“Then I guess you don’t want it, is that it?”

“No I—mmf—keep going...” he whined.

Bad idea. Yunho halted his fingers, causing San to whimper in protest.

“Look me in the eyes and tell me you want me, or we’re done here, San.”

Yunho was bluffing. It was obvious how much he wanted it, but he trusted San not to realize that, or care. He’d take the bluff as far as he had to just to watch San beg pathetically for him. But the truth was, Yunho wanted this badly, more badly than he could ever image, his cock throbbing and aching against San’s as they pressed and pushed together against their stomachs.

“P-please,” San choked out.

Yunho’s fingers traced against the demon’s chin again, forcing his gaze up until the eye-contact was unavoidable. “Please what?”

“Please, I want… your cock,” San continued, voice shaky as Yunho twisted his fingers slowly inside of him. “Fuck me, please…”

“You’re so cute like this, Sannie,” Yunho praised, lacing his free hand in San’s hair as he slipped his fingers out slowly.

Yunho had prepared to flip him over on his knees, but San had other plans, shifting his weight on Yunho’s lap and hoisting his hips up until his ass lined up with the head of Yunho’s oil-slicked cock.

“San—you can’t…” Yunho broke his confident facade for a moment, suddenly worried about hurting San from this position. He was effectively taking San’s ass virginity, and Yunho was more well-endowed than most. He could rip him apart if he wasn’t careful.

“What did I say, angel boy?” San gritted through his teeth, letting gravity take hold as he slowly lowered himself down. “I can handle myself.”

San let out an unrestrained cry as the tip slid in. Even with the generous amount of coconut oil they’d used, it wasn’t an effortless endeavor. Yunho cursed through his moans as he took San’s overwhelming tightness—it was like nothing he’d ever felt before, San’s ass clenching beautifully around him.

The pleasure only compounded as San took the initiative to sink further down, both their cries harmonizing at the intensity of the sensations. Yunho stayed painfully still, resisting every urge in his body to buck his hips up against San, to push all the way in. He couldn’t. He would destroy him.

San’s head found its home back in the crook of Yunho’s neck, using the angel’s soft skin to stifle his own noises. San sank lower, only by a centimeter or so, but it was enough for Yunho’s body to react on its own, hips jerking up reactively.

San cried out, and Yunho realized what he’d done, but not before he felt San’s fangs sink into his shoulder, piercing the flesh without a second thought.

“Fuck, San—I told you not to,” Yunho hissed through his teeth, wincing at the harsh sting of his fangs.

“Sorry,” San mumbled. “You—I didn’t mean to.”

Yunho knew San was a bad liar, and didn’t take apologies lightly. He was telling the truth.

“I—it’s okay,” Yunho muttered softly.

San lapped slowly at the wounds, soothing them slightly. Neither of them dared to move from their precarious position, San’s hips still hovering way too far off of Yunho’s thighs to possibly be comfortable. Yunho’s hands snaked around San’s tiny waist, digging his fingernails in as he took in the sensation of San’s tongue sliding over the stinging wound on his shoulder.

“Maybe we should move to another position… y’know, so you don’t end up draining me like this,” Yunho suggested with a chuckle, and San nodded in agreement, still kitten-licking the fresh wound as more blood trickled out.

Yunho couldn’t care less about his bleeding for the time being—he was too focused on his dick, which needed to be back in San’s ass immediately. Yunho moved his fingers around to squeeze San’s hips, helping him hoist himself up and slide off.

San wasted no time repositioning himself on the couch, ass up in the air—an irresistible sight to Yunho, who wanted nothing more than to be buried inside him. But, considering San’s earlier difficulties, he’d have to be more patient than he would have liked.

He lined himself up with San’s entrance, then dipping his cleaner fingers into the coconut oil, generously slicked his own cock and San’s ass with extra lubricant. San whimpered at the mere touch of Yunho’s fingers against him, cold and slippery with the oil.

“Tell me what you want, Sannie,” Yunho purred, still riding his dominant high.

“Fuck off and put your cock in me,” San growled. Yunho chuckled, deciding enough was enough—no more games.

He slid the tip in easily, helped by the generous amount of lube, stroking San’s hair from the back to soothe his whines and moans. He guided himself in deeper with his free hand placed delicately on San’s waist, admiring the difference in size. Yunho was huge, towering—a gentle giant. San was small and fragile, though you’d never guess by his cocky disposition.

Yunho moved slowly, easing San into it. He knew he was too much for San, especially for his first time—but it didn’t make keeping the control any easier with such a hot demon whimpering and moaning beneath him.

“Deeper,” San commanded.

Yunho couldn’t argue with that. His control dissolved at San’s sudden demand. After all, San had instructed him not to be gentle with him. He thrust in, throwing carefulness out the window, and San cried out as Yunho tugged his head back by his hair, exposing his sharp features to Yunho from behind. He picked up a steady rhythm now, slow but vigorous, snaking the hand on San’s hip around to his waiting cock, stroking softly.

“Fuck—Yunho…” San moaned, all composure he may have had left dissolving under Yunho’s motions, his hand now keeping pace with his thrusts.

Yunho couldn’t keep it together for much longer, and neither could San, by the ever-increasing sounds of pleasure falling from his lips, begging Yunho not to stop. He wouldn’t have dreamed of it. He gripped San’s waist the hand that was previously entangled in his hair, increasing his rhythm until San was crying his name. He felt his ass clench around his dick as San came, thick streaks of cum painting the couch white.

Yunho thrust in to the hilt, and San nearly buckled beneath him at the sudden length. Yunho cursed and grunted as he spilled over inside of San, who was still clenching around him, increasing every nerve in his body exponentially.

San collapsed onto the couch as Yunho slid out, carefully avoiding the cum-stained upholstery.

“Fuck,” Yunho cursed, realizing what he’d done to the couch. In his lustful frenzy, he hadn’t exactly considered the consequences of his action. “I’ll have to clean that up before she wakes up…”

San managed to smirk through his heavy panting, “It’s a good thing I’m the demon maid. I know where all the cleaning supplies are.”

Yunho rolled his eyes, slipping into the bathroom to clean himself up and bandage up the remaining wound on his shoulder. When he re-emerged, San was dressed, knees visibly wobbly as he scrubbed the cum stain off the couch.

“What a good little maid,” Yunho teased. “You look cute on your knees like that.”

“You would know,” San jeered back.

Yunho glanced at Y/N’s coconut oil, making a mental note to replace it for her before she had a chance to use it, though chances were she wouldn't even notice if it disappeared. She wasn’t exactly the “cooking-at-home” type.

“We… we don’t talk about this again,” Yunho said carefully as San removed the last traces of their earlier sinful endeavor. Now that he wasn’t so clouded with blind lust for San, he had a moment to reflect on his terrible choices for the night. Not that he regretted it. Not even a single second.

“Okay, angel boy. Whatever you say. But if you ever want to do it again, you know where to find me,” San responded, flashing his fangs and a cheeky wink. And there was the San he knew.

The two never ended up talking. San left just as quickly as he’d appeared: without a trace, like he was never even there. It felt like some sort of fever dream as soon as he was gone, although Yunho knew for a fact he had never gone to sleep. He tidied up the rest of the living room, rearranging the pillows on the couch, making sure it looked like San was never there—in fact, he made it look like he’d never left Y/N’s room in the first place.

Yunho slipped back into the room, carefully turning the knob, and found her exactly as he left her, somehow undisturbed despite how loud they’d been for the past few… well, however long it had been, Yunho supposed.

Yunho shook all thoughts of San away, only just realizing how exhausted he’d been from the rigorous exercise he’d just partaken in. But as he closed his eyes to sleep, he only saw San, the mental image of him on his knees, glancing up at Yunho through messy strands of raven hair, lips swollen, eyes dark and lustful.

This was going to be harder than he thought.

#san smut #yunho smut #yunsan #yunsan smut #ateez smut #idol x idol #ateez slash #ateez fic #ateez smut fic #ateez yunsan #yunsan fic #choi san smut #yunho x san #san x yunho #jeong yunho smut #smut

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theymadeitlh28 · 3 years

Text

I am convinced Cas knew about Dean’s feelings for him. He almost confessed twice. The first time Dean said „I need you“ and not in the „hey, man I need you to heal me after hunts“ but in the „I need you in my life bc of you, bc you are my best friend and I don’t want to go on without you“ kinda way. The way he said it the second time almost sounded like „I love you“ bc of the way he pronounced it, bc of the intonation, and that is what snapped Cas out of it. (They cut it out of the original script bc they felt that Dean would not say I love you this early. He hadn’t even said it to his brother only to his mother in the dream he had bc of the ghoul. But the fact that it was intended to be I love you gives the I need you even more meaning) However it didn’t go as he hoped he would bc Dean never mentioned it again, kept calling him buddy. So he doubted his thoughts and kept his feelings to himself, afraid to push Dean away.

Dean’s second almost confession happened 6 seasons later. Dean’s prayer. „I‘m sorry it took me so long to say it“ is not only about the forgiveness. Prayers are not always spoken out loud, we don’t know if he added anything in silence, all though I don’t think so. Dean didn’t say I love you there, maybe because he thought Cas deserved to hear it when he was standing right in front of him and not through a prayer he isn’t sure Cas could even hear. So when he finally found Cas you could see determination on his face. I believe he wanted to tell him then and there. And when he started with „Cas, I need to say something“ and Cas interrupted him he was confused and devastated, but he respected Cas decision. He didn’t push after „I heard your prayer“. Maybe he also was relieved for the diversion bc he is emotionally repressed and he is not the character who says I love you lighthearted, maybe he also thought that Cas doesn’t reciprocate and this time it’s Dean who is afraid to bring it up, afraid to risk their friendship. But Cas knew he had to stop him bc if not he would have been happy. It would not have mattered that the world was ending bc he would have been truly happy and he couldn’t risk it, so he interrupted Dean.

The last time it is Cas who confessed bc he hasn’t got anything to lose. He could only win bc even if he is gone he had saved Dean and the all of the others. But he already knows Dean loves him, he is almost certain he does. (The actors changes the script here a few times.) After the „I love you“ Dean said „Don’t do it, Cas“ (Script said Cass). He doesn’t look like he is disgusted that his best friend is confessing his love to him, no he is afraid. Yes, he is shocked and surprised and can’t say it back therefore. He is after all still an emotionally repressed character. But his „Don’t do it“ is a plea for Cas to not go there. It’s a don’t tell me you love me to then leave me alone, don’t give me all I wished for and then take it away before I can get a say in it. It’s a longing for Cas to take it back just so that he won’t leave him again. Dean knows what life felt without Cas and he pleads that Cas won’t put him through that again. But it’s to late and he knows this too, so when Cas pulles him on while saying „Good bye, Dean“ he wants to ask him something, you can hear the „What..“ that hangs in the air. You see that he is too shocked to do anything but expects something at the same time, maybe a kiss, maybe a hug, anything at all but not being pushed out of the way. He crumbles as he watches Cas being taken by the Empty and you can see that in that moment he is numb. He looks around for him and when he realizes that this was Goodbye forever, he breaks. At this exact moment Dean’s world ended. Outside of the walls he was leaning against was his brother, his son who needed his help but he had no fight in him. He ignores Sam’s call and he had never done this before. This man lost the love of his life in that moment and simultaneously the reason for him to fight.

Another big thing is that Dean seems happy in the final episode. We know he was always devastated when Cas was dead. A walking meat suit so to say. Dean is the best hunter with Sam together, he never made a mistake that was so banal that he overlooked a screw he saw more than once during the fight. He knows how to take on a bigger persona, a stronger monster than him, he knows not to launch himself at it, so why did he. Psychological speaking, a person who is keen on dying makes peace a few days prior with their decision, appeares calm, happy and content; suicidal or not, taking their own lives or dying bc of a letal disease. This is what I see in the last episode. Dean knew his brother was finally happy, had someone in his life to look after him when he would be gone, but he wasn’t. He was numb, he had no reason to life. He had no son on earth, his purpose in saving the world was fulfilled. He couldn’t retire bc then he would have nothing. He had no one waiting for him at home bc the one thing he wants is the one thing he can’t have. In Dean‘s mind Cas is gone forever and most of the people who are most important to him are in heaven. Dean wanted to die. There is no other explanation as for why Jack didn’t send Cas to heal him or did it himself. It’s why Dean asked his brother to tell him it’s ok, so he knows Sam will be able to get over his death instead of telling him to get help. And Sam knows bc he doesn’t tell him to hold it together, to keep fighting till he gets help. No, Sam pleads to Dean not to go just like Dean pleaded that Cas won’t leave him. When Dean arrived in heaven he was content, he wasn’t happy yet, he was relieved. „At least I made it to heaven“ is so important here bc it is common sense that suicide is a sin, that people that take their own life go to hell. Dean hoped that by dying in an accident he would bypass this fact even if he provoked the accident. He is also surprised about the changes made in heaven that his kid , as Bobby said. You can see his face fall for a minute when Bobby mentions his Dad, like he is afraid he disappointed his father by becoming the person he was, maybe even by falling in love with a gay angel. The moment Bobby mentions that Cas helped Jack Dean smiled, smirked even bc his plan not only worked but bc his dream came true. He had his Cas back, or at least Cas was alive and he could see him. „It’s almost perfect“, what did he mean by this. Was he talking about Sam only or was he missing something else too. Bobby then tells him he can have anything he wants anything he wishes for and Dean gulps. He diverts Bobby‘s questions about what he is gonna do about it just like he always did when someone mentioned his feelings for Cas on earth, but then his face falls on baby and he seems determined. He answers „I think I‘ll go for a drive“ casually but his face is not the face of someone who just wants to take a stroll through heaven. His face is the face of someone who is determined to get something done. Call me delusional but I think Dean took that car to go and find Cas. To finally tell him that he loves him too. To get everything he ever wished for and bc that means all of them happy he meats Sam on his way, maybe after he went to see Cas and Jack, maybe before. But Dean decided to take his car to a specific location, he was determined when deciding to go for a drive. We don’t get to see Cas and Dean reuniting, but we all know that for Dean to be truly happy he needs not only Sam but also Cas. And as Bobby said You can have all you wish for, we know that Dean got to have Castiel.

#destiel #supernatural finale #confession #dean loves him back #heaven #deancas #castiel #my interpretation

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rusty-tetanus-nail · 3 years

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Never Look Away

Summary: Dean and Cas are forced to redefine their relationship as a decade old secret between them finally comes to light.

Dean jumps up, strangely offended.

“Okay, first of all, you’ve seen my browser history. Your true form doesn’t even make my top 10 weirdest things I’ve jerked off to, so that's a load of bull..."

Notes: This is the result of listening to Never Look Away by Vienna Teng for 10 hours gay.

-------

Careful not to wake him, Dean traces the outlines of Cas’s body illuminated by the reddish hues of the morning sun with his fingers. He can hardly believe it’s only been a year since they defeated God and pulled Cas out of the Empty with the promise of a love returned.

So much has changed in such little time. With the illusion of free will no longer binding Dean to a greater destiny and with Cas and Dean’s own feelings out in the open he finally allowed himself to want all the things he denied himself for so long, always prioritizing other people’s happiness over his own. Now he has it all. A house, a job, a family, a life, Cas. It was so hard at first, to stop looking for hunts and letting go of Sam so he too could start his own life with Eileen by his side, but in the end Dean had been too tired to fight his own desires any longer and gave in.

Fuck the voice of his father telling him his only purpose in life was to watch out for Sammy and fuck the man John wanted him to be. He helped save this world so he gets to live in it in whatever way he wants to and what he wants is to live his cheesy apple pie life waking up every day next to the man he loves.

Cas stirs in his sleep and Dean watches the translucent wings flutter against the light seemingly drinking up the morning sun. They used to be pitch black back when they first met. A beautiful sight, yet not quite fitting the man Cas would eventually become.

Then they burned and Dean could barely stomach to look at them knowing how much the culmination of all of Dean’s mistakes had hurt Cas so irreparably. And now the wings are whole again and even more awe-inspiring than before. Something about Dean rescuing Cas from the Empty or maybe a blessing from Jack has restored them leaving Dean with the desperate urge to touch the intangible. Watching one of the smaller eyes on Cas’ wings slowly flutter open Dean wonders if it would be rude to ask about the colour change and chuckles. The way the wings shimmer with all the colours of the rainbow is just so wonderfully, blatantly gay.

“What’s so funny?” Cas mumbles half asleep as a couple more eyes flutter open searching for the source of Dean’s amusement.

Dean leans over, one hand caressing Cas’ jaw and kisses him softly good morning.

“I just love you so damn much.” He whispers only inches away from his husband’s mouth and rests his forehead against Cas’.

Cas moves back to study Dean’s face questioningly. The familiar stare is so much more intense now that Dean can take all of Cas in without suffering through the burning sensation that always accompanied laying his eyes on something filled with angelic grace.

Dean swallows hard. Having all of Cas’ eyes so solely focussed on him and him alone is such a major turn on. He must be doing it on purpose. It’s unfair how such a simple action has so much of an effect on Dean.

“I don’t understand how that’s funny.” Cas says, one eyebrow raised.

“Then come and find out.”

Dean’s mind is already too far gone to care for the conversation and he pulls Cas closer by his shirt desperate to embrace the parts of Cas that he can actually touch. Now fully awake, Cas reciprocates the action enthusiastically pressing their lips together earnestly and climbing on top of Dean to explore his body with his hands and mouth. Not for the first time Dean curses his past self for not allowing himself to be loved by Cas years ago. There’s so much time they have yet to make up for. Luckily they’re both more than willing to try.

Dean’s musings are cut short when Cas’ attentions move downward as Dean’s legs get pushed apart and Cas presses against Dean’s growing erection.

“Fuck, Cas!” Dean groans and sees new galaxies forming inside Cas’ body. Always good to know that Cas enjoys this as much as Dean does.

The prodding stops and Dean lets out an embarrassing whine.

“Not yet.” Cas teases with a grin, all of his eyes’ attention once again on Dean alone. The bastard. Dean has half the mind to hit him upwards with his knee in retaliation, but soon gets distracted by Cas intertwining his hands with Dean’s and leaning down slowly to kiss the sensitive spot on Dean’s neck. He gasps and moves his neck so Cas can take him apart much easier.

In their closeness Cas’ celestial body engulfs Dean in his entirety and he is left again, breathless, by the unfathomable sight of his lover’s true form. Stars and skies in colours not named by men expand and swirl inside the translutient depths of the oceans and galaxies that make up the angels body as the golden halos’ luminescence submerges them both in it’s light. Dean would lose himself in the sight if it weren’t for the thousands of eyes, holding the knowledge of millenia, watching him unblinkingly in a way that is so Cas, so human, that Dean can’t see anything else but his stupid socially awkward self-sacrificing husband.

“Fuck, you’re beautiful.” Dean blurts out, giving voice to his thoughts.

Cas flinches away as if burned, his true form doing much the same. He wavers back against the bedroom wall as far away as possible from his vessel and curls in on himself. At least Dean assumes that’s what Cas is trying to do. Cas' true form, once taller than any skyscraper, has shrunk significantly with the absence of grace powering him up, but is still far too large to fit completely inside a house let alone a room.

“What’s wrong?” Dean asks sitting up.

Cas turns away, his eyes fluttering across the room looking for an escape. Dean gingerly places a hand on Cas’ shoulder and is relieved when he’s not pushed away.

“Hey, Cas, buddy. Whatever it is, you can tell me. I know it’s weird coming from me, but let’s not do this again. No more unnecessary secrets. Please.”

Cas takes Dean’s hand into his and nods. One slow measured breath and he starts talking.

“Dean, I- I know you can’t help seeing me this way, but I dislike it when you comment on my appearance.”

Cas’ vessel is still turned away, but out of the corner of his eyes Dean can see Cas, the real Cas, watching his reaction with interest.

“Well, uh, okay, if it makes you uncomfortable I can stop.” Dean starts awkwardly. “But let me assure you there is absolutely no reason for you to feel insecure about the way you look, you’re-” Dean trails off. You’re mind blowingly gorgeous and sometimes your beauty is so overwhelming that I’m scared I’ll cry if I look too closely.

At Dean's words, Cas finally turns to face him.

“I’m not ‘insecure’, Dean.” Cas bites out emphasizing his irritation with air quotes. “In fact my true form is counted as one of the most attractive among my brethren.”

Dean raises an eyebrow. No argument there. Cas is by far the prettiest angel he’s ever seen.

“And I am well aware that you find my vessel visually pleasing, but Dean, what you’re complimenting is not me. It’s Jimmy Novak.”

“Uh, Jimmy’s a good looking guy for sure, but the one who’s beautiful is definitely you.”

Instead of being reassured by Dean’s words Cas just sighs resignated.

“It’s kind of you to refer to my inner beauty, but we both know this is not what you meant. You see Jimmy’s face and call it beautiful. I don’t begrudge you for this but don’t like being confused with him.”

Oh Cas definitely has insecurities. How can he even think Jimmy fucking Novak is anywhere near as attractive as Cas himself?

“No, I meant exactly what I said. You, the you you, are fucking hot.”

Cas’ frowns, unhappy with Dean’s reply.

“It’s okay. I understand. It’s hard to keep Jimmy’s body and I seperate. There’s no need for you to backtrack to make me feel better. Let’s just stop arguing about this.”

“Oh no Jon Snow. Not so fast. Let me put this in terms even you and your insecure ass will understand.”

Dean takes Cas’ face into his hands and stares deeply into his eyes. The staring is a habit from back when Cas was still fully juiced up. With the angel grace making it near impossible to look at Cas’ true form without feeling like his eyes were on fire, the vessel's eyes were the only place Dean’s own could safely escape to.

“Your true form is incredibly attractive. Very sexy. Wings and all. If I could hit that, I would. Inner beauty not required.” He speaks slowly as if to a child. Apparently it was the wrong thing to do as Cas slaps Dean’s hands away unable to suppress his irritation any longer.

“Dean, you’ve never seen my true form and I can assure you if you had, its inhuman nature would stop you from ‘hitting that’.”

Dean jumps up, strangely offended.

“Okay, first of all, you’ve seen my browser history. Your true form doesn’t even make my top 10 weirdest things I’ve jerked off to, so that’s a load of bull and second of all…”

Dean grows quiet. What does Cas mean with Dean’s never seen his true form before? Wasn’t the ability to see angels part of being the Michael Sword or something? How could Cas not know? And even if he didn’t, they’ve known each other for over ten years. It must’ve come up at some point.

Dean rifles through his memories desperate to find the right one, but draws a blank and visibly blanches.

Cas had no reason to believe Dean could see him. Back when they first met, Cas made some assumptions and Dean didn’t correct him, not trusting the self proclaimed angel an inch. And then it’s always been the vessel Dean’s been talking to, never the one puppeteering it. At first out simple necessity, then out of pure habit.

Determined to rectify their decade old misunderstanding Dean makes his way through the bedroom and sits down right in front of what Dean assumes must be the angel equivalent of Cas’ face or maybe his hand. Either way the body part has enough eyes to have an honest conversation with and has been observing Dean and the vessel talk this whole time.

This is Cas. The real Cas. And it’s high time for Dean to stop averting his eyes.

Cas squirms under his stare.

“Dean, childishly staring at an empty wall won’t solve this.” Cas argues from behind Dean and Dean has to suppress the urge to turn around. The voice might be coming from the vessel, but the one talking is the angel in front of him.

“That’s not what I’m doing.” Dean says, looking directly into one of Cas’ bigger eyes. Cas freezes momentarily at the direct eye contact and then his eyes swirl around frantically trying to find whatever it is that Dean’s looking at. Dean's stomach tightens. It hasn’t been fair to make Cas feel as if he’s invisible just because it’s easier for his stupid human brain to talk to the vessel.

Dean reaches out attempting to touch the nervously fluttering wing next to him, but as expected his hand moves right through it. He smiles sadly.

“I’m sorry, Cas. It seems there’s something I’ve neglected to tell you. I thought you knew, but that’s not an excuse.” Dean pauses. “I’ve always been able to see you.”

There’s a storm brewing inside Cas, a tension. One wrong move and a star could explode setting off a supernova that is held at bay by nothing but a shimmering skin made of light and colours. His husband is nervous at the possibility of being seen, Dean realises and has no choice but to confirm Cas’ worry.

“When you were still full of grace I couldn’t look directly at you without fearing for my eyes, so I got used to looking at your vessel instead, but I’ve always known and seen the real you.”

Ever since Dean could remember gigantic and intangible creatures taller than skyscrapers with wings that could pierce the heavens have been watching him from a distance, their countless eyes following his every move. Scary, yet unimaginably beautiful. As a child Dean would try to describe them and ask what they were, but apart from his mom there was never anyone trying to hear him out.

“Children and their imagination.” Adults would say and ruffle his hair whenever he tried to ask about them and by the time he was four he realised that he’s the only one who could see them.

Then his mom died and all his questions and curiosity were left behind in the ruins of their broken home. Dean learned quickly that John had no use for children and their imaginary friends. He needed to grow up and become a soldier for his family’s sake. So he followed the orders, and pretended not to see these watchers following him around.

Later, when Dean was a teen and John was gone most of the time, Sam often dragged him to libraries and Dean would do his own research on the creatures in secret, too scared to ask anyone for help. John made it pretty clear he didn’t want Dean talking about them and Dean feared that if he told someone and didn’t have proof of their existence Dean would be sent off to a mental ward for seeing things that were simply not there. In the end it took dying and coming back to life to find his answers.

Despite having seen these creatures all of his life, when they summoned the one named Castiel, Dean needed a moment to figure out what he was seeing. He’s never been this close to any of them and the proximity was overwhelming. Dean was suddenly acutely aware just how Pamela's eyes could've been burned out so easily by the creature's visage.

In an attempt not to suffer the same fate as her, Dean averted his eyes and spotted a man entering the barn, his body connected with small tendrils to the large creature around him. A puppet, Dean thought, one he could touch and subsequently kill, so without another moment's hesitation Dean took the first shot. And then the second, a third. Neither the puppet nor the creature were faced by his attempts to fight, merely curious. As if Dean was nothing more but an ant trying to fight a giant.

“I’m the one who gripped you tight and raised you from perdition.” The puppet finally said, inhuman in everything but his appearance and so Dean stabbed him as a thanks for the introduction. Next thing he knew, Bobby was down and the guy began claiming to be an angel.

“There’s no such thing.” Dean said, but the voice of his mother telling him that angels were watching over him thought differently.

The man’s body straightened and the creature, Castiel, stood up, his form ending far beyond the barn’s roof and he spread his wings. Bolts of lighting exploded into an array of mesmerizing fireworks and Dean was left breathless before the angel. His terrifying beauty nesting deep inside Dean’s heart and he knew he was lost.

“No, you must be lying.” Cas says as his body trembles under Dean’s stare.

“I’m not.” Dean replies, leaving no room for debate and moves closer to Cas, who seems to be trying to escape through the bedroom wall. “So believe me when I say that you’re fucking beautiful and only thinking about you watching me with your many many eyes is enough to make me hard.”

Cas sputters incoherently and his body changes colours rapidly, eventually settling on a pinkish sort of hue. Oh. That’s new. Dean grins.

“Cas, Huggybear, are you blushing?” Dean teases, taking immense amusement in this new discovery. Cas swirls him around in an attempt to make Dean look at his vessel again, but with a true form as big as Cas’ it’s not hard to find a new part of Cas’ body to focus his attention on.

“No.” Cas growls defensively. “Stop looking.”

“Make me.” The reply is a bit cliché but Dean isn’t trying to win an Oscar. He’d much rather film a porn instead.

In the blink of an eye Dean is encased possessively in Cas’s wings and pushed onto the bed with urgency. Fuck yes.

#supernatural #spn #destiel #deancas #trueform!cas #time to sleep

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