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connieshusband · 3 years

Text

Fucking hate you, love to fuck you

Hate sex

Oikawa x fem!reader

"fuck you!" "Is that a promise?"

reader was the captain and ace of the girls team, reader goes to Aoba Josai, reader is also Kag's cousin

Degradation, Slight Feminization Kink, Praise Kink, Fluffy Ending, Fluff and Angst, I'm not very good at writing smut, I also got tired while writing so its short... sorry, Sir Kink: but very minor, no beta we die like men

-cross posted on my ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/31932412

MINORS DNI

Summary:

You hadn't registered that you'd slapped him until he look at you holding his red cheek with his large hand.

And you certainly hadn't registered that he had his tongue down your throat not a moment later. An honest to god moan leaving your lips which he smugly ate up.

___

Degration as well as any kink should have the full consent of all parties involved every time!!

I'm not very good at e2l so be gentle 🤩

I'm such a simp lmao

Oikawa could never figure out why you hated him when you both entered your first year of high school. Having come from a different middle school than you, he figured you'd be like the rest of the people in your grade level and fall all over him.

He wanted to ask why you had such a large stick up your ass during your first group project but chickened out. He assumed you'd at least get along as you were captain of the girls volleyball team and known for your powerful spikes. The setter in him really wanted to find out your perfect toss.

But it wasn't until your 3rd year when he came to despise you too.

He'd overheard you telling your best friend that your cousin made it onto his high schools volleyball team. Being the nosey Nelly that he is, he made the mistake of asking which school your cousin attended.

"Karasuno," you said, your chest puffed out.

It clicked: the black hair, intense expression, the last name even. He could practically see his protégé in the reflection of your eyes. He mentally slapped himself for not seeing it sooner.

His eyes narrowed, matching yours as tension of your silent beat down had to be cut by Iwazumi.

_____

You set down your suitcase, giving your aunt a big hug as she greeted you in the doorway. You give Tobio a fist bump as he helps you carry your things into the spare bedroom.

Your aunt had graciously allowed you to stay with her so you could be closer to school for your final year.

"I can't believe you're dropping volleyball club just as I'm about to join," Tobio whined, setting a suitcase on a chair in the corner of the room.

"I know," you said sullenly. You hadn't wanted to, but being captain and a 3rd year just wasn't going to be practical. Not being the best student, you thought it would be a wise decision.

Having always been close your your cousin on your dad's side came with its perks, including but not limited to drama. Ever since Tobio had joined volleyball in middle school he'd talked about Oikawa, usually brushing off some of the down right nasty things he'd said. But you hadn't. You took it upon yourself to help him train harder and harder to be able to defeat his bully when he'd found out he couldn't attend Aoba Josai with you.

Being an ace had its advantages when teaching Tobio about different techniques on how to set up a spiker best. Often gossiping about the smug bastard as you worked.

Of course, there was no escaping the pretty boy at school either. When your best friend, Ryu, had started dating his best friend Iwaizumi, being the 3rd and 4th wheel at hangouts became increasingly awkward.

And even worse when she mentioned your current math grade. Damn that ginger setter. And Mr. Perfect boasting about his grades to you. Which had lead you to your current situation.

Sitting in his bedroom.

Listening to him drawl on and on with rapidly decreasing interest.

While he looked hot as fuck.

What?!

With new found annoyance you scoffed at him snapping his fingers in your face.

"earth to y/n, I know I'm ravishing, but now it's math time." He said, a smirk decorating his lips.

“I ignored you on purpose, dumbass. Don't you get that I hate you?"

"I'm not asking you to stay, besides this has nothing to do with me?? Its calculus..."

"narcissist," you mumbled under your breath.

"must be your type," he shot back, "gawking at me for the last hour."

"aren't you dating whats-her-face from English?" You retorted, feeling your face heat up.

"yeah??" he said, confused.

You mocked his confusion, ""yeah" God, then stop flirting with me."

He scoffed, an eyebrow disappearing into bangs, "you must be a narcissist if you think I'm flirting with you because wow, it almost like I can't stand the sight of you, y/n," he rolled his eyes in disgust, sitting up in his chair indignantly.

You push him back into his chair, turning on your heels, saying nothing more.

"good!! I was going to kick you out anyway!"

____

You notice his current girlfriend wasn't hanging out with him at lunch nor sitting in his lap during English. In fact. He hadn't found new arm candy by the time your next session rolled around the following week.

___

After begrudgingly agreeing to do another tutoring session and making him promise no funny business, that rule was broken when he had his sleeves rolled up of his blue silk shirt, he glasses laying forgotten on the table, fingers rubbing his tired eyes as he tried to explain a difficult problem to you.

How could Tooru Oikawa be so fucking sexy and such a fucking dick at the same time?

Asking myself this a lot while writing

"fuck you, Oikawa! I don't need your bullshit!"

"fine! Fucking go then!" Giving you a light shove towards the door.

You hadn't registered that you'd slapped him until he look at you holding his red cheek with his large hand.

And you certainly hadn't registered that he had his tongue down your throat not a moment later. An honest to god moan leaving your lips which he smugly ate up.

You shoved him against his bed, your own smugness drinking up his moan.

You pulled your tank top off as you climbed on top of him. "You have condoms?" You asked, cringing at your breathless voice.

He flipped your position, hot breath fanning your ear, "don't you want to be filled with my cum, baby?"

Rolling your eyes, you flipped the position again, "the last thing the world needs is more of you running around."

He considered it before saying with a shrug "top drawer."

Leaning over, your legs still gripping his hips, you pulled out a condom wrapper and tossed it at his face. His nose scrunching cutely.

"pull some weight, lazykawa," you said, yanking his pants and underwear to his ankles. He was already fully hard and you took great satisfaction in wordlessly teasing him.

Trying to ignore you, a blush creeping up around his ears as he hurriedly rolling the condom onto his thick length, as you remove your bra. He flips your position once more, hovering over you, a taunting smirk plastered over his lips.

"can't go 10 minutes without getting your greedy pussy fucked?"

"Can't that mouth do anything besides half-assed insults, Shittykawa?" You mocked, he raised a cheeky eye brow at you.

He lowered his face to you heat, "want to find out?" You grip his hair harshly and shove his face between your thighs.

He rips off you panties and eagerly laps around your cunt before catching himself, slowing his ministrations.

He gripped your thighs as he buried his face in your heat. Alternating between sucking in your clit and finger fucking you, never letting you get both at the same time.

You bit your tongue, doing your best to avoid begging for more - a futile endeavor.

"C'mon babygirl, I know you want it," he sing-songed

You swallowed your pride, "please Tooru."

"sorry couldn't hear you, your legs were busy clamping around my ears.

Your legs shook in frustration and pleasure as he lazily drummed his finger on your sweet spot.

He leaned overtop of you, sucking harshly in your neck as his other hand massages your ass.

"please, Tooru! Please sir!"

"oo~" he remarks, returning between your legs, 3 fingers entering you suddenly as he nibbled along your thigh, quickly returning to sucking on your clit.

You come hard and without warning.

"delicious," he remarks, sitting up and licking his fingers clean, "and so many lewd noises too."

"You have a knack for bringing out the worst in people," you attempt to sound threatening but only succeeding in boosting his ego.

"Oh no~ I hate to find out what the best would be..." He unbuttons his blue silk shirt, allowing you to drink up the full show of his abs. "Not talking so big now, eh, Kageyama?"

You scowl at him before grunting a "just fuck me already".

"don't mind if I do."

You connected your lips with his, enjoying the noises he made as his neglected cock became engulfed in your warmth.

Neither of you lasted long.

He emptied himself into the rubber with a sexy grunt lining up with your moan.

After care he collapsed on top of you, his deep breaths matching yours.

Your hands still resting on his back, feeling scratches from your nails decorating his skin.

He had pressed his forehead to yours, you looked up to meet his eyes which were flitting between the purple marks on your neck and your eyes.

He hadn't held your gaze for more than a second when the realization of what just happened hit both of you at once. Pushing your bodies apart, you shamefully picked up your clothes from the floor leaving the room quickly.

____

It had been weeks since that day. You hadn't gone back for another tutoring session, claiming to Ryu that your grades had improved.

The free time had allowed you to be a better supporter for your cousin, getting a chance to meet his teammates and his friends.

You meet Karasuno's Ryu and think to yourself how well he and your Ryu would get along

While hanging out with your cousin at the spring tournament, you were enjoying a lunch break with a vibrant ginger, his best friend Hinata and a mutual friend with spiky hair. Bokuto, you had learned, was in your year and had a ton in common with you.

Maybe you'd gotten carried away returning his flirty looks and laughing a little too hard at his jokes. He remarked often how different your personality was from your cousin. After exchanging numbers to practice volleyball sometime (him being excited to practice with another captain/ace) an unfortunately familiar voice pulled you away from your fun.

"y/n?"

"what?" You roll your eyes, at Oikawa. You knew he had been watch you and the rest of Karasuno after they had win their first game. Beside you, you can feel the 3 boys, especially Tobio fuming.

"I have a question about the math assignment."

"I'm busy."

"too bad."

Recognizing that he wasn't going to go away until you give in, you stand up, brushing the dust from your bottoms. He leads the way out of sight from your new friends.

He harshly pushes you against the wall, "what do you think you're doing princess?"

You flip your position, he winced as his back connects with the concrete wall. "You ask you the same thing, princess."

His hand instinctively wrapped around your muscular arm submissively.

"you like that don't you?" You asked.

He nervously glanced around him for on lookers. Luckily he'd chosen a pretty secluded spot

"wouldn't want your fan girls to see you being treated like the pretty white you are?" You smirked.

He nodded shyly.

You grabbed his ass, earning a submissive squeak from him.

"such a good princess, getting his flat ass groped," you smile, you see him swallow a moan as his eyes flutter shut.

You begin painfully slowly palming him through his shorts, feeling him grow under you.

"I hope you lose," you whisper sensually into his ear.

He scowls at you as you pull away completely. Leaving him hard, exposed, and blushing as you return to your new friends.

______

The cheers from Karasuno's supporters hadn't quieted down as the team packed up. Still high on adrenaline and pride for your baby cousin, you took the time to use the bathroom before the long drive home.

Rounding the corner you heard voices, recognizing one to be Oikawa and the other belonging to a deep voiced man.

Sneaking a peak your eyes go wide. He was face to face with Ushiwaka. The former not fairing well in the conversation. You didn't think a man could look for upset than the way Oikawa looked right now.

As the conversation comes to a close, you wait until Oikawa has gone out if sight to chase after him. Accidentally running into Ushiwaka.

"sorry" you mumble, attempting to move past.

"you're with karasuno, yes?" Ushiwaka asks.

Your mind didn't really register him, instead giving him a quick pat on the shoulder and a "that's great, buddy," as you run after the brunette.

Hearing an "I look forward to playing them." In the distance.

"Hey!"

He was too far ahead to really hear you, pushing past the front doors.

"HEY!" You yell, nearly at his heels. You stand in the doorway breathing hard, "TOORU!"

He turns to face you, Iwaizumi annoyed that he can't convince their captain to just get on the bus already.

You beckon him over and he skeptically approaches you.

"here to gloat?" He asks, his voice lacking the usual sharpness.

"Tobio is staying at Hinata's tonight and my aunt is out is town for the next two days," you say.

You see the cogs working as he pieces together what you're offering. His mouth forming an 'o' shape as he realizes.

You smile smugly before running back to where Karasuno's bus is parked, giving Tobio a running jump hug, which he awkwardly returned.

If nothing else, Oikawa was punctual. Arriving at exactly at 7:30. You hadn't done anything special, just heated up 2 frozen pizzas that your aunt had left. Watching his form as he quietly ate his 3 cheese. He hadn't said a word besides "thank you" after you'd served him. While yes, apart of you meant when you'd said that you hoped he lose but the guilt of seeing the cocky bastard looking so small on the other side of the table, nibbling on the crust. Pity maybe?

"You played really we-"

His eyes were red, his pride keeping him from crying in front of you. "I don't want to talk about it."

"You want to have sex?"

he hesitated before asking, "can we be nice?"

You nodded. Making your way to his chair, straddling his hips and cupping his face. You kissed him slow and deliberate. You don't kiss long before you start to feel his dick springing to life. You stand up pulling him, walking backwards, towards your room accidentally walking into the partially open door.

"Graceful," he commented, a hint of his salty tone under his words as he resumed kissing you.

You grinded against each other for a few moments, drinking in each others moans. You pulled away momentarily, his cheeks dusted pink, breathing heavy, his dick straining in his pants.

"You're so beautiful," you said. He blushed harder, his cock twitching in it's confines. Your fingers dip under the waistband of his pants and pull them down, licking your lips when his cock hits his stomach. You're about to press your lips to his tip when you feel pressure on your forehead.

"y-you don't have to..." he says. You cock your head to one side, your lips parted as you gaze up at him. "I-I get it you know... I don't hold it against you..."

"I want to," you say, "if you want me to."

He nods slowly, his eyes fluttering shut as he enters your warm mouth.

Out of all the sex you'd had, this moment with Tooru didn't feel like sex. It felt like making love.

After he got close, you popped your mouth off and had ridden him. His muscles still sore from his games. Your lips danced with his as his hips met yours. Both of you reaching your climax simultaneously.

Tired in the best way, you cuddle up to his bare chest, kissing his cheek, "don't think this means I like you, flatass."

"of course," he says, relaxing into your touch.

"good."

"it was the fact that my dick was down your throat that made be think that."

You punch him in the ribs, earning an 'ouch' followed by a quiet, "let me have one win today." Followed by an even quieter "sorry" from you.

You place a gentle kiss on his cheek again before returning to your snuggle position. He wraps his arms around your waist as you both drift off to sleep.

______

It's been a number of days and neither if you had spoken about it. You wanted to text him a simple 'good morning' but the image of him quietly shuffling out of your room at the crack of dawn when he thought you were still sleeping, placing a gentle kiss on your temple. You didn't want to seem too eager or somehow let on that not only were you awake but had enjoyed when he'd done it.

After the girls had lost to Fukurodani's girls in the semi finals, Ryu had insisted on dragging you out to play volleyball with her and some 'friends'. You secretly hope it's the other girls from your team. You find yourself not disappointed that it's Iwaizumi and Oikawa.

"Warm up 'Yama!" Oikawa yells at you, serving the ball in your direction as you and Ryu approach.

Caught off guard for a moment, you return the ball back at him, hitting his face lightly with an oof.

Of course, Ryu wanted to set for her boyfriend, leaving you with Oikawa.

You made a pretty good team, he picked up your style quickly, the ball exactly where you wanted it without having to tell him anything. Not to mention that Oikawa had racked up a third of the points on service aces alone, Iwaizumi finally adjusting to being on the receiving end on them. He and Ryu had made a magnificent comeback, clearly having practiced with each other before. You were lucky if you could get a piece of one of Iwa's spikes, Tooru faired better but they quickly took the lead. You grab Oikawa's arm, causing him to look at you curiously.

"set it to me, but I'll set it back. You spike it," you said, finishing your sentence by looking at him.

He considers it.

"break it up love birds!" Iwa shouted at you. Ryu making obnoxious kissing noises behind him. You quickly let go of his arm to flip her off, causing her to burst out laughing.

Iwa serves.

"it's mine!" Tooru yells. Mid jump, he faces you, the subtlest of winks as the ball flies into the air.

Smiling, you angle your body for a spike, Ryu taking the bait, but at the last moment, your hand sent the ball perpendicular to the net, straight into Oikawa's hand. The ball whizzing past Iwa's ear.

The adrenaline getting the better of you as you both embrace, celebrating a successful kill.

You revel in you best friend and her stoic boyfriend exchanging a bewildered look.

At the end of the game Oikawa offers to drive you home, when out of the way of prying eyes, he leans against his car. "Before your cousin goes to nationals, he and shorty should play against us."

"Yeah and maybe Tobio can set for me one round," you say, playing with the hem of his shirt, "but if there's any funny business from you, I'm calling it off."

"Who, me??" he jokes, aware of his history with your family.

You don't respond, opting to gently press your lips to his. He returns the kiss, cupping your face.

________________

Did I write myself into the story? ┐( ∵ )┌ Maybe a little...

I'm also not opposed to doing a part two, so lemme know in the comments ( ꈍᴗꈍ)

Also not me writing my first Haikyuu fic be Oikawa when I wanna break his knees 🥴🤚 (couldn't resist tho he's been on my mind, especially with glasses 🥵🤒)

Also also not me writing this from 1:30 am to 8am then had half my work deleted so I had to redo it the following night 🤪👈

#reader x oikawa #oikawa smut #haikyuu smut #oikawa tooru #haikyuu iwaizumi #degration #oikawa hate sex #no beta we die like men #oikawa is hot and its not fair #im bad at tags #just smug oikawa things #hate sex #anime smut #heterosexuality is a myth #which is why all characters are at least bi

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geekygoddesss · 4 years

Text

You

Summary: After Tom breaks the longest relationship he’s ever had, both of them seem to handle the breakup in a completely different way.

Words: 12k

A/N: first part of a serie!

“You” chapter list

January 4th, 2020 - The night

For some reason tonight Tom couldn’t keep his hands still. It was the first time in years were he was actually nervous, he didn’t like that at all.

He has gone down a couple of drinks already, the night was still young, but time was running so slow he was starting to feel this exact moment in his life would life forever, and he was starting to grow anxious as never before.

When he turned his head to the right, the only thing he could see were the blinding lights going all around the room, accompanied by the loud music and gigantic crowd that naturally came with it. If he took a closer look it was easy for him to spot familiar faces, people that were dancing and having fun without him, people he loves but that might be about to start hating him. Because he hasn’t done a single thing and he already feels like a bad person.

Those bright green eyes he knows so well shined directly towards him, and he couldn’t not spot them as they turned to him, that was something that came with having a good eye sight. The face of his girlfriend was smiling to him, waving him to come join her, but he wasn’t in the mood, so he shook his head in denial.

He knew she wouldn’t take no for an answer, he knew her like the palm of his hands, she never gave up so easily.

It was only a matter of seconds - and couple blinks - to have her standing right in front of him, hands on his shoulders and the biggest smile on her face. She was happy tonight, he felt bad.

“There you are!” she yelled, even though he could perfectly hear her, but the euphoria was kicking her hard. “Why are you sitting down?! This is a party” she fake frowned, as she took a look at him up and down.

He did what he does best, act natural and mask shit out. After all, that’s all he could possibly do to avoid tension.

“It’s called a small break, genius” he rolled his eyes, letting out a sarcastic tone that came out playful.

“Right, sorry” she said, going in to take a sit right beside him.

Feeling her arms go around his waist made him even more nervous. When he turned his head to the side, her lips crashed messily into his, greeting him peck, and letting him know she was indeed having a very fun night, but not only that, she was silently telling him she cared and she hoped he was having a good night too.

I’m a bad person.

That thought wouldn’t stop going around his head as time went by, and as he opened his eyes and saw hers, she moved over and went to take the last sip of his drink, he felt even worse. She was unusually happy, and he was about to ruin it from all sudden.

Should he give some sort of hint before exploding the bomb?

Should he leave it out for another occasion?

Would it be better is he said it now?

None, none of those answers seemed like a good option. He was second guessing himself and that was even worse. It was going to be a disaster and there was no way to evict that.

Scratch that, I’m a terrible person.

A couple of big hands landed on his shoulders from all sudden, making him jump in place and sending shivers down his spine. She got scared too at the sudden move, but she smiled right after, once she saw the face behind the small prank, and the one that gave Tom the scare of his life.

“Baby!” Tuwaine’s voice busted in his ears out of the blue, and almost knock him out of his seat.

“Shit!” He exclaimed, doing his best to not fall over “Fuck! Don’t do that, shitface”

As he turned, he appreciated the face of one of his best mates and his girlfriend right beside him, both of them looking just as euphoric as his own girlfriend, and acting concerned for his lack of excitement tonight, which was good for a season like this. No work, free time, a night to remember… it was weird for Tom to be so serious, it was only on him to make it look as natural as it could be.

“Why are you sitting down?” Tuwaine asked.

“That is exactly what I said” (Y/n) argued, as he watched the pair taking a seat right in front of them.

“I don’t feel like dancing tonight, I enjoy watching you trying to get some moves right” Tom excused, directing an awkward grin to his best friend.

“I do a good job, compared to you, you just do alright” Tuwained mocked.

Allison, his girlfriend, laughed “Good one” she giggled, pinching his cheek and grabbing the drink she has been sipping from for the last half an hour.

They’ve been at this bar for a while already, Tom has lost count of how long it has been since they arrived, but for all he knows, he has done through a couple of drinks already, and he would keep going, but he can’t. He needs a clear mind tonight and he couldn't mess that up.

“Another round, gentlemen? Tequila, (Y/n)?” Allison offered, raising a hand for the waiter to come.

“I wouldn’t mind that” (Y/n) shrugged, showing a smile.

“I’ll have one more too” Tuwaine agreed, nodding to his girl as he leaned on the table.

He had to admit he was taking this situation better than he expected. He held his girl’s hand, kissed her on the cheek, caught up on a previous conversation with his best friend, took the liberty to take another beer, and before he knew it, the situation was looking more normal in his eyes.

It was the first time in months he’s been in a bar in London, he has been out for work and all over the world for so long, having some time to stay home made him feel calmed and better. After staying at his apartment, reflecting on life and hardly going out for almost a full week, it was the first time in a very long time he had a night out with his close ones and he was grateful for it.

… but still he was extremely sorry for this night to be the night.

With his head off elsewhere, he kept his girl close as he nodded at the words of his best friend, sipped on his beer and heard (Y/n) ask questions to keep the conversation alive. He didn’t comment or participated, he just listened, he didn’t want to take part in the mix and say anything stupid, he just needed to be present and act natural.

It was difficult to remain fairly sober when he had to face something like this, it was his third drink already, and without intending it, he was going through it faster than usual, maybe it was because he was barely speaking, but as the conversation went on, the bottle became empty as time passed, and he didn’t like that. If he wasn’t careful, he was going to gain himself an assisted ride home and slide words of his mouth that weren’t intended, he needed to get ahold of himself, unless he wanted to start creating wrong opinions from his closest friends.

The light shifted in the room, the DJ became inspired, and in the blink of an eye everyone in the crowd started cheering with excitement. It wasn’t weird at all, he knew why, those were 90’s songs, everyone loves those. The night was starting to come alive with every second and he could see his friends vibing with it, he could see it in how their faces changed and the mood lit up even more. For a second he felt jealous, very jealous. They were having a genuinely good time, and here he was, making a mess of his own mind by worrying about something that has been hammering him for weeks.

He couldn’t wait to get it out of his head. He couldn’t wait to feel himself again.

“Oof I love that song, that’s it” Allison cheered, grabbing (Y/n)‘s sleeve and jumping with excitement. “Bye, boys”

As usual, she just laughed at her friend’s reaction and jumped off her seat at that weird queue, looked back at Tom suggestively and nodded towards the dance floor.

He shifted uncomfortably.

“Go dance, we’ll stay here” Tom assured both of the girls, silently telling Tuwaine to make him company.

Surprisingly none of them fought him, like he was expecting them to. Allison just grabbed (Y/n)’s hand and took off to the dance floor, because she was already too drunk and she couldn’t wait, her body was in need of a bit of dancing. (Y/n) looked back on his direction, giving him an apologetic smile that he waved off without even thinking about it, because there was nothing to apologize for, she was always apologizing for everything.

She deserved to have a bit of fun alone with her friend. He knew she stressed a lot and needed a break, it was a good idea to just let her be, sing and dance until she could forget about whatever she was stressing about this time.

She is a hard working girl, that is why he loves her so much.

“You’re a bit off mate” Tuwaine mumbled to him. Moving on his seat to be closer.

His eyebrows raised, he almost choked with his beer, but he groaned it off, he didn’t want to come off as nervous, although it looked like he was failing. What was happening to him tonight, he didn’t know, but whatever he knew about acting was wearing off, because he was failing at it, and now all he could do was face reality.

“Really?” He asked, trying to seem surprised, but not too much.

“Yeah” Tuwaine said, like it was obvious. “you alright?” He asked, genuinely concerned, slowly turning serious.

Tom hesitated for a second. He didn’t wish to engage anyone into anything, this was something he has been thinking about and it was more of a personal fight, he didn’t want other people to get involved. However, Tuwaine has been his right hand for such a long time, he understood why it worried him to see him like this, because if it was his case, he would feel like that too. He couldn’t give him the benefit of the doubt, that would be mean, he trusted him, so he guessed it would be better to tell someone than to do this and have no one know about this beforehand. It would be like walking on it alone… right?.

“Yeah! Always” he assured, nervously fidgeting with the bottle in his hands.

He thought about it for a second, doubted himself and then… he just gave up.

“Actually, I don’t know” he let out, looking directly at him. “Can I tell you secret?” he mumbled.

Tuwaine shot him a weird look, raised his eyebrows and asked “Right here?” as he looked around the room and moved closer to his friend so he could hear him right.

“Yes” Tom nodded “Just act natural, it doesn’t have to be a big deal” he warned, looking to his from and forcing a small grin in direction of the two girls dancing not too far from them, who would turn and look at them every once in a while. He didn’t want them to notice the tension that started to build up.

“Okay” Tuwaine agreed, looking up front and mumbling “Whats up?”

Once again, he felt weird, but he needed to be an adult and be able to say this as it was, not with bad intentions, but still being real about what his thoughts were. It was his friend after all, he trusted him, nothing bad could come out from this… yet.

“I’ve been thinking about... stuff, a lot, lots of things going around and after having some serious reflections about this, I think... I don’t know” he started, not really finding the right words to introduce the situation, because there were no right words to say this. It was just complicated. “I think (Y/n) and I...” he tried to explain, but he really couldn’t.

He motioned with his fingers what he tried to say, finding that an easier way to explain the situation than to describe it with words. With both of his index fingers he touched them together and then moved them apart, as simple as that, there was no more to communicate. Tuwaine seemed to piece everything together way too quickly, and Tom was nervous what his reaction could be.

“Really?” he whispered in a very surprised toned, clearly being stunned by that new.

Tom nodded shyly. “Yes” he mumbled back.

Tuwaine blinked, clearly being confused and surprised by all this, like Tom expected.

He was aware that dropping this bomb would be anything but easy, and that there would always be a reaction from any of the parts. First of all, because he has been with the same girl for already four years, they love each other, they live together… it was a hard decision, but the hardest thing of it all, was that this was something that would have consequences in more than one aspect and they all knew that very well, it would be a chaos, he was absolutely terrified of it.

“Wow” Tuwaine said, letting out a big sigh as he asked “Is everything alright with you two?”

Tom pressed his lips together, now really getting nervous “It’s fine, it’s okay, it’s just...” he tried to explain. “Listen I’m going to sound like a real asshole right now but it is really the whole truth” he warned, because now it really could get worse from here. “I think I want to be with other people” he said shyly, looking for approval in his friend’s eyes as he said his truth.

Tuwaine looked anything but happy at that response, he looked deep into Tom’s eyes, took a second and nodded his way, giving him the chance to explain himself once.

“Go on” he said harshly, he jaw showing some tension that made him even more uncomfortable.

Tom nodded back, and prepared himself to make this one short and sweet.

“See, I’m only 23 and she is just 21, we’ve been on this relationship for around four years and I have had a good time but I just thought about it and I am not ready for commitment, mate, I am young, I need to explore a bit more and see other girls other than her, live new experiences, you know what I’m saying?” He asked, turning to look at him. “I love her, I really do, but really... I think I’m ready to move on and explore” he shrugged “it really had nothing to do with her, I’m just thinking, hey, I’m still young enough to see a little more aside from the first girl I ever started a real thing with, it’s not like we’re married, maybe it’s time both of us meet new people” he explained, trying to make it sound somehow better, but it was just the whole truth.

Tuwaine looked unsure and certainly surprised by his friends speech. Tom understood that Tuwaine was probably not expecting something like this to come up on a night like this, but the truth is that there was never going to be a right moment, and by this time there was a certain urge for Tom to let it out. He has been rounding this thought for a while, it wasn’t just something that popped out in his mind. It might be surprising, but it wasn’t random.

“I don’t know, are you sure about this?” Tuwaine doubted “I mean, look at her” he said, turning to look back at the girls “She looks very happy now that you’re here, and I mean, she is pretty, smart, she loves having you around, she helps you a lot, are you sure you want this?” He asked Tom, doing his best to make him reconsider his decision.

With this, Tom knew his friend was not agreeing with his argument. But it was natural, he was her friend too, and they were good friends. None of them would want to see her sad, but this is how things rolled now. He took a decision and he would stand by it.

“Yeah, I mean...” he mumbled, looking at her for a second “I don’t want her to just vanish out of my life, I figured we could always be friends and whatnot” he sighed, shaking his head at the thought of her just… going away.

Tom turned his head towards his friend. He was never seen him with such marked frown but still calmed look on his face, clearly trying to remain normal. He wasn’t feeling comfortable and Tom was already getting nervous, this is exactly what he wanted to evict.

“Don’t look at me like that” Tom begged in a mumble “Tuwaine, don’t judge me, please”

“I don’t! I don’t judge you, I swear” Tuwaine said, snapping out of it and holding up both of his hands “Hey, Listen, I think you’re making a mistake, alright? but if you thought about it and you’re sure, then go for it” he shrugged, trying to show some respect to him “But be careful, okay? That’s all I can say, if that’s what will make you happy, I support you, you know that” he assured him, nodding his way and trying to crack a smile.

Tom knew that was not the most honest answer from his part, that hurt, but he bought it. There really was not a better outcome for this moment. He knew no one was going to tell him it was the right decision, but he knew what he was about to do, even when it didn’t seem like so, he has thought this through.

“Thanks mate” He thanked him, leaning in to pat on his shoulder.

As time passed he grew more nervous, now that he has revealed his big secret to someone, not only that, now that he has revealed it and also was alone with the only person who knew his secret, he was feeling even worse than before. Good thing of having someone know of his secret was that he was passing onto him very good advice. He would tell him what she should say and what not to say, what he would do, his perspective, some past experiences that might help him… if anything, he was starting to feel this moment was starting to become a bonding moment for him and Tuwaine, sure it was not the best situation, but sharing this kind of information with him somehow felt special.

Tuwaine would speak a lot, and so did he, trying to explain a little bit how he was come to this decision while he could, as well as giving Tuwaine the chance (and privilege) of commenting on his master plan, that might as well go wrong, but it could be less bad if he fixed some aspects of it with the help of his friend.

Their conversation seemed cut off when suddenly the girls disappeared in the crowd of people, and barely making themselves noticeable, appeared behind them trying to make it seem like a surprised, and once again completing the group that just a couple of minutes ago was incomplete.

(Y/n) slid her arms around Tom, let him hold her hands as they laid on his chest and leaned over to kiss him on the cheek. Typical move of her, she loved to have him like this, and he was not mad at it, at all. He felt warm, safe, home…

Focus, Tom, God dammit.

“Are we ready to go?” He asked, as he turned his head and let her leave a small peck on his lips.

A small frown appeared in her forehead, as she walked around him to face him directly and hugged his waist to keep him close. He could see she was missing having the opportunity to have him this close, after months apart, she was missing him a lot and it was showing. On his behalf, It was wrecking him from the inside out, but he was an actor and right now he needed to mask this one.

“What? You want to go already?!” AIlison exclaimed, sounding completely outraged by his question.

He shrugged, hugged his girl close and left a small kiss on her forehead. He needed an excuse to get out of here, this was the best chance he could find.

“Are you tired, bubs?” (Y/n) asked softly, looking up at him.

“A little bit, I’m going to lie” he nervously laughed, shrugging a little “Jet lag is a real bitch” he said, but he didn’t mean that.

Jet lagged has already passed. He has recovered his usual schedule for a couple of days now, he was fine. It was just the perfect excuse to get him out, he knew no one would fight him while playing this card.

“That’s true” (Y/n) agreed, leaving a kiss on his cheek and grabbing her purse on the table.

He made sure to turn back at Tuwaine with a suggesting look, so he understood it was time and he needed him and his girlfriend to vanish elsewhere. Right now he just needed to be alone with his girl and make every possible thing in his hand to not fuck anything up.

“We can go then too, I’ll call an Uber” Tuwaine announced, finishing his drink in one sitting, and getting up from his seat. Queue for everyone to do the same.

“Already? c’mon” Allison whined, showing a pout as she followed her boyfriend’s moves.

“Don’t worry babe, I have an idea” Tuwaine mumbles to her, trying to make this situation look just a bit better.

Making their way out of the bar was difficult, it was crowded, however, it is even more difficult to make it out of there when there are people around that knew Tom’s face, called his name, touched his shoulders and even stepped in the way to just wave his wave. Sometimes it could become very overwhelming. One way or another, and one step at a time, they made their way out of the place and into the cold and shiny streets of London at night.

Tonight was not the most busy night for London’s bar, in fact, for them it was the perfect night to go out for a drink, but it was still crowded enough to build up a proper party. There were a lot of people around, however, there were not enough, so they could easily be able to step out in the street without getting mobbed with people recognizing him and only occasionally see a couple people around that would either call his name or wave at him, those were the best kind of nights, they were the best because he could chill and fool around with his friends without having too much eyes on him. Somehow it made him feel like he was just another guy going out in London.

They stepped into the streets of the city, looking for their usual spot to call a taxi. Him having (Y/n)’s hand in his and guiding her through the small crowd in front of the bar and making sure she was with him at all times. It has just rained, he knew that, it was noticeable on how blingy everything looked now and it didn’t before, also on how this new fresh air ran through the air, he was not expecting the weather to change like this so suddenly.

He looked back at his girlfriend, just to make sure she was not feeling the same as him or even worst, checking if she was cold so he could lend him his jacket if needed; she was definitely the kind of girl who got cold easily. Instead, the moment he turned around, he found her grabbing onto his arm just a little tighter and fighting her feet as she walked and stumbled onto her side in a dumb move when she tried to step in.

“Hey” Tom chuckled, grabbing her arms as a reflect “Was that you stumbling?” He asked, holding her still.

Her lips opened, then closed and cracked into a smile. “No” she answered, standing up straight.

He looked at her with a suspicious look that she detected in less than a millisecond. She laughed, and before he could even notice her arms were all over him, wrapping him into a hug and clinging into him. He laughed, leaned into her and kissed her lips softly, hold her close and really took in this moment. He loved it, he loved this, but he would miss it, having her here and now was something he had thought about pretty often while he was gone, and now that it was happening, it was a shame that he was going to ruin it soon.

“What if we get lost?” He whispered over her lips, kissing her cheek, and pulling her more into him.

She smiled and nodded, making him understand that they were already going home, it was obvious. He nodded back, making her know, he was actually meaning something else.

“What?” She asked, now clearly being confused.

“We” he signaled “are getting lost” he announced, already assuming there was no way she would say no to this.

Even when she doubted… he was right. She looked at him in doubt for a second and by the look on her face, it was clear that she would go with the flow of whatever he had in mind, it was just perfect.

“Okay” she mumbled, taking his hand in hers and squeezing it lightly.

Tom smiled widely, everything was going well, now he just needed to calm down, he could already feel his nerves spiking up on his spine, waiting for the worst part to happen and be over. He was turning more anxious by the second.

Thank god he’s been trained to mask this kind of shit, it was really growing on him and the last thing he needed was making a show in the middle of a public place because he was incapable of ‘playing it cool’ when he needed to.

“Guys, we’re going to take a walk home” he announced to the couple in front of them, as he grabbed his girls hand and guided her with him.

Allison immediately turned up to then and frowned. When things came out a little different, she usually made a lot of questions, but this time Tuwaine had this covered, when he immediately stepped in and wrapped his arm around Allison’s shoulders he was saving his ass from panicking, big time.

“Are you sure? The Uber is almost here” Tuwaine asked, showing him the lit up screen on his phone.

Tom smile and nodded in response.

“Yeah, we can take the long way” he shrugged, slowly walking back and taking (Y/n) with him.

“It is a very long way, are you sure you don’t want a ride?” Allison asked, genuinely sounding concerned.

“It’s shorter than you think!” Tom exclaimed, slowly turning around and making his way out.

He could sense Allison just about to fight him into coming with them into the uber, but the situation was quickly diffused by her boyfriend, who immediately sensed, it was probably better they made their way out by themselves and not step into uncomfortable situations before anything could happen.

“Leave them, I have somewhere we can go” He heard Tuwaine mumble to her quietly, thing that relaxed her and made any possible questions fade out. “See you Monday!” he created Tom as he walked away.

“See you, mate!” he waved back, saying goodbye and finally getting what he wanted.

It might raise some sort of suspicion, but this is exactly what he was asking for, a walk with (Y/n), that was it…

Now he just needed to get it together.

As they walked under the cold streets of London, Tom held her hand tightly and swung it back and forth slightly as they walked and he heard her speak, telling him stories and putting him up to date with everything. They made their way around effortlessly, already knowing where to go and how to get into quitter places where they could really be alone, they knew this place like the back of their hands, getting lost was easy, but really getting lost, for them was both easy and a pleasure. London is a beautiful city, but it is even more beautiful when you know those spots where no one else went, and that is exactly what they went for, a bit of privacy and somewhere where they could walk peacefully.

With just a bit of patience and taking the right ways, in no time they were entering themselves into the best shortcuts of the city. Suddenly, everything so much calm than before, no one else was there staring, or speaking, or calling his name, it was just them on the quietness of the streets, walking hand in hand like dumb teenagers in love. For them everything was always like if they were dumb teenagers.

He had to admit that for a second he really thought she would never buy that poor excuse he gave her to get them out of that place. In fact, he really thought she would be mad for him making them walk instead of taking a cab, however, it happened to be the complete opposite. She was looking way overly excited for having this kind of moment with him, she would walk around the middle of the street in a slightly faster pace than him, almost giving small jumps of excitements as they walked and going on into a story that clearly excited her. On the other side, he wouldn’t speak, he would just listen, made small comments and let her go on; seeing her being so excited was adorable, but he was already starting to feel terrible and it was showing. On his mind, he was trying to find the way to turn this around and make this be as mild as it could possibly be.

“You are quiet tonight” She mentioned from all sudden, stopping her story and looking back at him with a comforting smile. Obviously trying to calm him down without saying much, like she would usually do at times.

Right now he really wished that would work the same.

“No, I’m not” he excused himself, shrugging it off as he turned to look back at her.

She chuckled at his dumb answer. “Yep” she answered back, squeezing his hand as she mumbled. “Yes, you are”

Maybe it was time for him to set the mood and get serious, get into something more than just an exciting story and tone it down, that way he thought it might be easier to introduce such a thing later. The last thing he wanted was to burst her bubble from happy to concerned from all sudden, it would be so much worst.

“Sorry” he apologized, directing to her a bit of a shy smile “I'm just a little...”

“Stressed?” she guessed, cutting him off and taking him completely off guard.

Words were struggling to come out of his mouth, he wasn’t expecting her to see him stressed, even though he was, he thought he was playing it off well, looking normal and relaxed, like he usually was. Now he sees he was wrong.

“I get it, tour week it’s coming and you barely get a proper break, it kind of sucks” she mentioned, shrugging a little as she looked up front.

I’m a way she was right. He was grateful mind reading wasn’t a thing, but in certain way, she had nailed the fact that there was something in him bothering him from that aspect. He loved his job, but sometimes he couldn’t help to keep thinking about what was coming next, even when he was on vacation. This is one of those situations, however, this time there was a plus.

“Yeah, That” he chuckled nervously, as he looked down “Im having re-shoots after that” he also mentioned, keeping the conversation up.

Her eyebrows raised. “Where?” She asked.

“Atlanta”

It was surprising he did not mentioned this to her before, being such an important fact about him leaving for work, again. He usually kept this to himself, although he wouldn’t keep a secret about him leaving, he just didn’t feel like mentioning everything he had to do; he thought it made everything seem a little overwhelming, taking things slow was a better option.

“Wow” she sighed. “you don’t ever get a break, do you?”

He chuckled slightly. “No” he said “I need to learn my lines” he also mentioned, almost as a reminder to himself.

Another responsibility he needed to get his hands on before things piled up.

“Can I take a look at them?” she asked in a happy tone, already looking excited about something like this.

He smiled shyly, acting as if he would think about it, but once he turned to see her, she already knew what he was going to say. “Sure” he let out, squeezing her hand a little bit as she jumped in excitement.

He couldn’t say he was surprised about this, she was always trying to check things out when it came to his scripts. Prompts of having her, she really enjoyed all of the world of screenwriting, she always looking for so much information that it came in handy when she had comments over scripts he had to do. It helped him a lot and at the same time he hoped it helped her as well, after all, this was something she enjoyed with her whole heart.

“I have exams in two weeks, you came right in time” she mentioned, changing the topic as she let go of his hand and went in to walk over the yellow line of the sidewalk. “Right before you leave, I’ll be starting my vacation, I might even grow a pair to see you in action, mister” she mentioned, making a funny face at him and winking his way.

He laughed at her silly moves. She was the kind of person that every time she had some sort of boost of energy, it would show, this was one of the situations. She would walk over that yellow line trying to maintain balance and (for sure) acting like a little girl, she was looking for something to do as they made their way home and that would keep her active. It was certainly adorable. It was hard for him to keep track of the conversation as he watched her, it was somehow entertaining how she moved so gracefully and at the same time rambled like crazy as she spoke.

“What do you mean ‘see me in action’, lady?” he answered, imitating her teasing tone “You’ll make it to the premier?” he asked, letting his eyebrow raise unconsciously.

“Yes, to the premier!” she exclaimed, jumping in place. “I already have it thought out and everything, it will be really fun” she mentioned, giving a small twirl on her feet as she walked, keeping her little game over that line, never for a second letting herself fall.

He shifted uncomfortably, suddenly feeling the tension over power his body. She had so much in mind, he did too. It was going to be an impossible task to burst her bubble in a gentle way because she already had high hopes over the future. He was about to ruin everything.

He is a bad person.

“I’m sure it will” he mumbled, not being aware of how it came out but suddenly realizing, his nervousness was really starting to show up.

She turned to look at him, obviously noticing the sudden change in his mood. Her face showing a slight and concerned frown on her face. He tried to mask it with a neutral look, but it really was not working now. He just stepped into a weird zone and he didn’t know how to get out, there was not going back now.

“What?” she chuckled awkwardly, trying to read his look.

His eyebrows raised. “What? What?” he answered back.

They looked at each other intensely for a good couple of seconds. Her trying to read him and him trying to act like nothing was going on. He was failing, of course, because once she took her eyes out of him, it was clear that she sensed something was off, and once again, she’d be right.

“You’re acting weird” she mentioned, stepping out of the sidewalk and towards him. “are you nervous about it?” she asked.

For a second, he completely panicked. What did she mean by ‘it’? Did she already knew what he was about to do?.

It only took him a couple seconds to realize she was actually talking about the one movie he has been working on for the past years and that hasn’t come out yet, but it will and yes, he was nervous about that too. He was rarely nervous, but this was something that also had him at the edge of his seat. He was glad she could read into that too, because at the moment it was a good mask for his weird behaviour.

“It’s my first movie for a overly famous company, I’m shitting myself” he nervously chuckled as the words left his mouth “Marvel is one thing, but this... Oof” he sighed, not being able to explain it well.

The smile on her face was very comforting. “It’ll be great” she assured him, taking his hand in hers “we all love Pixar and you are great in voice acting”

He shrugged “I don’t know” he mumbled “I was really nervous in the shooting sessions, I don’t think it’s my best” he admitted sincerely.

A shy silence fell between them. He guessed that she didn’t have much to say, he didn’t know what to say either. The truth was there were a lot of things going on in his life that made him this nervous, those were things he still had a hard a hard time controlling and he knew that even when it killed her to see him like this, she didn’t know how to handle this either. Having him like this was fairly odd.

“Is that what got you like this?” She asked shyly. He didn’t answered, he thought it was better to not say anything. She took that in as an answer and smiled. “You know my cousin always says something really wise that I don’t know if you’ve heard before but it says something like: tu n'as pas besoin d’impressionner tout le monde, fais des choses avec amour et les personnes intéressées se manifesteront” she recited, as expected, he didn’t get it, he had no clue of French. “which essentially means... if you liked what you did and you worked for it, then people will love it, and if they don’t...” she shrugged “they don’t know what they’re talking about”

He smiled.

It was nice how no matter what the conflict was in his head that bothered him in the most minimal way, she always knew what to say and I’m one way or another, it made him feel a lot better. This it was not exactly what he was looking for, but he gave her that. Watching her use her wisdom on him was a gift, he enjoyed it, even when it was not the situation, he wanted to hear one of those thoughts one last time.

If it was the last time he would get to hear them…

“Merci” he thanked her, smiling at her shyly.

She smiled back, there was something her that told her that even when he didn’t say much, he would really think about what she just told him and just… relax. That was okay, that was all she wanted and needed.

As they kept walking through those lonely and quiet streets, it was easy for Tom to find a way to change routes without her asking questions. Good thing about knowing this place so well, no matter where they went, everything could be a shortcut one way or another; before they even noticed his plan was going to perfection, just like he had planned, they were entering that isolated park where sometimes they would hangout, walk the dog, have a drink… lots of things. It was a not a strange place for them and it was the the ideal place to just sit and have a serious talk. It was just the place where they needed to be.

As they passed in front of the place, he took the chance to step into the grass surface of the park and entering it without asking if she wanted to go there first, he just did, and almost automatically, he thought it would be a good idea to make his way to the swings. Pretty much the only sitting surface they had in the whole park.

She walked beside him quietly, watching him as he sat down in one of the swings and looked up at her, waiting for her to do that same. The face she made to him was quiet funny, he was being somehow unpredictable and that was really taking her by surprise. At first she showed to be unsure, but after seeing that he was not going to move from that place in a little while, she gave up and just sat down on the swing beside him.

The atmosphere had become quiet weird and now she was the one becoming nervous, mostly because how intrigued she was, but she didn’t let that show on her, she just went with the flow, she wouldn’t let a bad feeling let her make a fool of herself.

“Why are we here?” She asked, swinging herself back and forth softly as she looked his way.

“I just thought we could sit down for a while” he mentioned quietly “have a talk” he shrugged.

It was weird, she thought, but she let it pass.

“Okay” she mumbled, nodding a little bit and not asking anymore questions.

She looked around the place, admiring the quietness that surrounded them and the sounds of nature that made themselves noticeable at this time. This place was surrounded by a neighborhood, a very nice one, that happened to have very nice houses with very nice gardens that most of the times served as houses for little insects and frogs that helped create such a nice environment. One of those houses actually happened to be her aunt’s house, pretty much the only piece of close family she had in the entire city to count on while her family was at the other side of the world, so you could say this place was no strange to her, it was a familiar environment, it almost felt like home.

“Oh, would you look at that” she laughed, taking a look at the big white house on their front “Look who’s awake” she said, pointing out to the only window of the house that showed a turned on light.

He hummed and looked that way.

“Little Franky is messing around at three in the morning, busted” she chuckled to herself “I bet he’s - like - watching porn or working or reading, but he should be sleeping, that’s a fact, he has school or whatever” she mentioned.

If there was someone she loved in this world with her entire heart was her cousin, Frank. Some may say they are siblings from another mother and the same family, but for her, that guy is her freaking soulmate. There was no one in this world that understood her better than him, and the fact that he was also in London, at the same time at her, that was priceless. They were used to being apart all of the time, having him close was just like a blessing.

“Isn’t he driving you tomorrow?” he asked, in a poor attempt of being chatty.

She smiled. “Sure, but only in the afternoon, I’m not the one who has to wake up super early” she shrugged, thinking about it for a second, seeing how her cousin’s head peeked from the window and disappeared in matter of a second. “Oh, I know what it is! I think he has some new friends in Paris, I heard, he’s probably playing video games, lame” she mocked, rolling her eyes.

He laughed at her reaction, he sensed how much she would like to be there to tease him, but it was not the time. It was adorable anyway, their relationship was adorable.

“You’re a bully, have you heard?” he teased, bumping his knee to hers.

“Stop” she fake whined, now rolling her eyes at him and looking his direction. “I have to admit, I thought we would be going home right away, have some time alone for once” she shrugged, now being more serious. “Huh? you have been home for weeks and we’ve hardly had… you know, a night for us”

The chuckle that came out of his lips was the most awkward move that he has made in his entire life, and he has done plenty of stupid shit. At this point, it was impossible for him to mask anything, it was almost like his abilities to play it cool have worn out entirely. He needed to get serious and think this through.

He didn’t want to do this and mark a wrong impression, he wanted to make things right, but with his nerves playing him like this, he was afraid he would fuck things up in a heartbeat.

“Yeah, about that” he said softly “I kind of wanted to talk to you about something”

She was too smart. The second he said that in that tone was the second her face changed completely, she knew something wasn’t right and it was starting to concern her. He felt terrible for that, he didn’t like when she worried like this.

“Are you okay?” she asked in a serious tone “Seriously, Tom, I don’t understand what is happening, you’re acting really weird” she said, a nervous chuckle coming out of her lips, as she looked at him directly and gave him all her attention.

“I am fine, I really am” he said, immediately “and let me just say, you are too, there is nothing wrong with you, you are one of the nicest beings ever, beautiful, smart and there is absolutely nothing wrong with you, nothing”

He felt like he needed to point that out, he wanted her to know it was all him, not her, make it clear before she started to have second thoughts. Although it did sound like every breakup excuse, it was the truth, he needed to lay that out.

“Okay” she said awkwardly “Thanks...”

“I really mean it” he said quickly “there is absolutely nothing wrong with you”

“What?” she sighed, already growing even more nervous. “Listen, you are really creeping me out”

He nodded, he was already starting this with the wrong foot, he needed to fix this up before his nerves betrayed him entirely.

“Sorry” he apologized “I just thought it would be easier if we came here, somehow this place calms me down” he admitted, looking around and taking a short second to breath. The tension was building up quicker than he anticipated

“Because is the only place no one is eavesdropping?” she asked, her eyebrow raising in question.

“And because I know that every time I am here, you are always with me, no matter if you are actually here or in my mind, you just… make me company” he mumbled.

Somehow his hand managed to find hers, and he held her tight for a good second. Already refusing to let go, at least for now. He just needed to hold her one more time, even if it was the last time he would have the chance…

“Something is bothering you, something other than your job” she said, stating the situation without asking what was happening, again.

He nodded, her statements were right, just now in the way she thought.

“Take a break, let’s go home” she insisted, squeezing his hand and encouraging him to get up and go home.

Without her noticing, she was silently encouraging exactly what he has been struggling to say in weeks, and she had no idea. He has been rounding this for a long time, it was finally time to say it out loud and see what happened. Now is the time, it’s something he needed to do and now that they were at this point of the night and right where he planned to be, it was time.

He looked at her straight in the eyes, took a deep breathe and just said it. It was just as easy as that.

“I’ve been thinking about this a lot, I think it might be good for us if we took a break” he finally said to her, being careful with his words and keeping it simple.

It was not easy to let this out, but once he did, it felt like taking a weight off his shoulders. If it should feel like that or not… for him it felt great.

After he said that, she paused for a second. It was clear that she didn’t know what to say or how to react, it was too sudden and she wasn’t ready for something like this. Whatever she could do or say now, he didn’t know.

“A what?” she asked in confusion “When I- I didn’t mean you took a break like this, silly, I meant a break from work, what do you mean a break?” She mentioned nervously, struggling to really understand what was happening “Tom, what do you mean?” She asked again.

He noticed it was being difficult for her to process the bomb that he just dropped to her. She understood perfectly, but she could only hope that she misunderstood the situation and it was only a joke he was trying to play. It was not.

“I mean, maybe we should take some time to see other people, take a break from each other and maybe if we don’t feel comfortable and we’re both up to it...”

…go back, he implied, hoping he had made himself clear on what he tried to say.

I’m situations like this, it was very difficult to not look like the bad guy, but at the same time, it was even more difficult to handle the whole conversation without saying the wrong thing and make it as easy as he could. He didn’t want her to feel bad or cry, but that was impossible because it was already happening, the fact it was getting out of hand without him intending it was frustrating.

He wanted to take a hold of it. He didn’t want this to end up like in a wrong way, but it was failing quicker than he thought and it scared him.

“Did I do something?” She asked, her voice broken and eyes shining.

The atmosphere was slowly changing around her. Her breathing was heavier, she was quiet, her hands tried to stay still and the flow panic that flew out of her head without her noticing was impressing. He felt terrible. He was the one responsible for breaking her bubble, she was happy, and now she was not, she was crying. It was all on him.

“You didn’t do anything” he made clear once again. “I just think we should take some time for each other, we see each other all of the time when I’m out of work, we have lived together for two years, there is not a time ever were we aren’t alone, do you know what I mean?” he tried to explain, as best as he could “Baby, I love you more than you could ever imagine, but we are young and I need space… we need space”

At the mention of space, she sobbed. If there was something she was terrified of, was space. She never had a problem with leaving him be and let him do whatever he wanted, that applied to her as well, she liked to have liberty herself, but there was something inside of her, a big irrational fear of being alone without the ones she loved around her.

He knew very well how anxious this made her and how sensitive this topic was, he has heard stories and he knows she was completely terrified of people leaving her. This was not the case, he would never let this be the case, he would never leave her life just like so.

“Couples that take breaks never get back together” she mumbled.

“We could be the exception” he argued.

“How?!” she snapped, breaking the peace of the silence of the night and for once, showing this small contained anger she had inside.

More than anger, what she had was a lot of questions. It didn’t made sense in her head how he has decided to bring this up now and the fact that it was so sudden made her struggle. She was scared of what could possible happen next, she was too used to this… what is going to happen now?.

“You’re not making this any easier” he mumbled, getting even more nervous himself, now that she was having this reaction.

“So was this…?” she tried saying, but her breathing was too heavy, she could hardly speak. “Why? Why are you doing this? Where is this coming from?” she rambled, not containing herself at all.

“Darling” he mumbled “Calm down first, lets just talk, the least thing I want to do is hurt you” he said softly.

“You’re hurting me now” she whispered back, breaking his heart slowly.

He made sure to hold her hand tight and run his finger on the back of it. He was hoping it would help calm down, it would usually work, but he guessed it wouldn’t be that easy this time.

This was really fucked up.

She was crying and he didn’t know what to do or say. Before he could even notice, he was actually on his knees in front of her, watching from another angle how she cried and poured her heart out. He held her hands tight and tried to keep it together.

He hated this so much, but it necessary, this was something they needed for the sake of both of their relationship. He didn’t pretend to be selfish, he just needed to state that it might be the time for them to separate for a little while, even if it hurt, it was time, sooner or later, this had to happen.

“We’ve been together for four years” he explained softly “I love you, you know that, but... don’t you ever wonder how it would be to be with someone else? have a moment for you? live with no attachments, at all?” he asked, trying to state his point.

“No” she said in a outraged tone.

He was not surprised, she was a very introverted person; once she got comfortable around something, she could spend her whole life around it and not be bothered at all, she liked routine and stability, it was just how she was. For him it was the complete opposite, he liked to shake things up every once in a while, so much of the same drove him crazy and sometimes he just needed to see different things. It wasn’t his fault, he was just like that.

“Well I do” he said, still in a calmed tone.“Call me insane, but I’m curious; and even when I wished I didn’t have to leave you, or something else, I figured, I want to be honest with you no matter what” he admitted, holding her hands close to him he whispered a soft “I love you” and kissed the back of them softly. “I just ask you for a couple of weeks, a month maybe, not even” he almost begged, still being very consistent with his proposal.

Her silence remained intact for a while, she seemed unable to speak or elaborate something appropriate for this moment, she just stared at him, on his knees in front of her and begging for her to understand what went to his mind. She wanted to, she really did, but there was something else inside of her that told her this was very wrong and it was not fair this was even happening.

“Correct me if I’m wrong but” she started saying, in an attempt to speak normally “Are you breaking up with me because you want to be with someone else? Are you bored of me?”

He didn’t know how to answer to that, it was difficult to answer that without sounding like an asshole and she was asking difficult questions.

“It’s not like that” he mumbled.

“Then, correct yourself, because it sounds like that” she argued, sniffing as tears left her eyes, demanding for a proper answer.

At this moment he decided, this was going to be a difficult conversation to get around, so if he wanted to make this clearer he needed to be transparent with her. Trying to make this friendlier to not hurt her was going to fail anyway, he needed to get this out of the way and be honest. He was already stepping on this, the only thing he had left was finishing it.

They could be here all night, but if he didn’t tell her the truth, they would never get to a solid point.

“I just want to have a moment for myself” he snapped, finally confessing what was in his mind “Not like a man who has a distance relationship, because god knows how many times we’ve been over that, I want to feel how it is to be single” he said “I know this terrible and you will probably hate me after this but the only thing I want is… be”

“And then what? Take me back? I’m not a toy, Holland, you can’t just leave me aside and then take me back whenever you feel like it” she argued, a big frown growing on her forehead as she spoke.

Her hands left his in an abrupt move, he could almost feel how she was drifting away from him slowly. He wanted to stop that, get her back. Things were getting out of hand too quickly and he was terrified.

“You’re not understanding my point” he said in a very serious tone. “I’m not doing this just for myself, I think this will be healthy for both of us” he whispered. “We’re young adults; with my job and the amount of compromise I have with so many people, I don’t feel like I’m on the right mindset for anything” he explained, still trying to make things clear. “I love being with you, don’t ever believe that I don’t, but I just want to feel what it is to be single and just...” he motioned “free of everything”

The feeling of the air feeling his lungs was too potent, this much explaining was too much for him, especially at this time of the night, when he was half drunk and tired to keep up with this.

“Is that supposed to mean that I am a responsibility for you?” she mumbled, her voice getting darker as she spoke.

“Babe, of course” he said, her mouth widened in surprise instantly; he said the wrong thing and he knew it well. “not in a bad way, obviously, you’re my girl, I don’t want to lose you, not now or ever, but maybe taking this break will help us... revive the flame”

As soon as he saw the chance, he grabbed both of her hands in his again and kissed the back of them softly. She didn’t resist it, but there was something in the air that told him she wasn’t comfortable.

He was a bad person.

Looking away from his face and into the dark sky of the night, she took a good breath and cried. She cried because it was the only thing she could do to drain her feelings without making this situation worst, even when he started it.

“I-I-I…” she stuttered, trying to say something “Since when have you wanted to…?” she asked, not being able to finish the phrase.

She didn’t need to, he knew perfectly what she meant. It was fair that she asked that, she had the right to know and he had the right to explain it all.

“Since the last time I left” he confessed, opening up to her “I know, I know what you’re thinking and I know it took me the longest time to tell you about this, but I just… I wanted to tell you in person” he said softly “I feel like we have been on a cycle since we started dating, understand me, I just need a breather, I feel like a need a change in my life to get back on track later” he shrugged “This has nothing to do with you, it’s all me, I promise; it hurts for both of us, I am just begging you, let’s give us some time, live our lives, take a break and see how we feel, for once” he begged her, hoping she would understand and know what was happening through his brain.

“But I don’t want to lose you” she mumbled.

“I don’t want to lose you either, and you won’t” he assured her, kissing the back of her hands “I just want to clear my mind, I want you to have you space, relax, let both of us have time for ourselves… not spend all of the time together” he explained one more time “honestly, I’m annoying, don’t you get sick of me?”

He wished this make her feel a lot better. A small smile came out of her lips but there was still sadness in her eyes. She didn’t want to let go and it was too difficult to process everything that was just happening, she was never ready for this, she didn’t even know if the right thing was to let it happen or to fight it. It was a situation she was completely unfamiliarized with.

Although there were a million thoughts running through her mind by the second. When he got back on his feet and leaded her to do the same, she was already thinking about his proposal and it seemed like she had no other option than to take it, because if he already had this decision made, it was impossible he would change his mind, things were already said, there was no going back. Whether she liked it or not, it is what it is and there was nothing she could do about it.

“We can still be friends, right?” she asked.

Tom tensed for a good second. “I think it would be better if we just kept distance”

One of the hardest part of taking this decision was accepting the right thing to do was to not only be apart from each other, but to really keep a distance so things could work the proper way. One of the two of them would break down if they kept contact, so it was better to keep it that way, just until the time was right, he thought, for the time being they just needed a good established break.

“Seriously?” she asked, almost whining at his answer.

He nodded “Just until we’re ready” he mumbled “It’ll just be a while, love, I promise”

He knew this was coming, it’s been happening for a while. When a cry came out of her lips he was the first to pull her into his arms and let her cry the pain away. His heart shrunk at the sight of her pain, but it was his fault and he needed to be empathetic and show support, even when he was hurt as well. He was responsible, but it would be good for them.

“I don’t want to be without you” she cried, holding onto him tightly.

She held him tight and cried on his chest. If it was for her, she would never let go, she didn’t want to let go.

“It’ll be good for us, I promise you, just a couple of weeks” he mumbled, his fingers running through her hair.

“And if you don’t come back? If you feel better without me?” she asked.

Until this moment, he never thought about that part.

What if it felt better to be alone?

“...then maybe, it’s a sign” he said, almost whispering “Of course that won’t happen; we’re a team, we should take this as a time for meditate and reflect on ourselves” he said, looking down at her and mumbling “It’ll be okay”

Part of her wanted to not believe that, there was always something in her that told her this was wrong and he was lying, but something in her heart felt that… deep down, really deep down, he had a reason for all this, and he was right. This had to be mutual, she had no other option than to agree, even when she didn’t want to let him go so easily, the decision was already taken.

She looked up at him, really wanting to look into his eyes, looking for answers. Something in his face showed empathy for her, but there was also something in him that looked serene and peaceful, he looked sure of what he was doing, and unlike her, completely calmed with this whole situation. She envied his capacity to remain so calm. On his lips he showed her a small smile, telling her it would all be okay and there was nothing to worry about, that they would get through this and it would be worth every second, a smile that told her he was more than sure of it.

She didn’t know if it was worth believing that. He didn’t know what would happen, neither did her. Him being so sure about all this made her nervous.

Suddenly the biggest fact of them all hit her.

“Distance…” she mumbled, once it all fell into place. “Where am I supposed to go then?”

Of course this was something she should have worried about sooner, he has and she did not notice about that in any second, her thoughts were too consumed on the fact her four-year boyfriend was leaving her.

He shyly smiled, telling her, he already had it thought out.

It was never a coincidence he decided to take this way home and come to this park in particular. It was never a coincidence they were sitting in front of her aunt’s house, because once they had this conversation, this would be her stop and he would go home, all alone. He already had it thought out and she never guessed what he planned, not even in the slightest bit.

The shock of the moment kept her quiet, she was physically unavailable to speak for a solid couple minutes. Given the time, he decided it was time for her to go where she needed to, so he walked her to the door, it was the least he could do. The fact she would probably get in trouble for knocking at his aunt’s door and ask to stay at this time, that was the least of their problems, he had it already talked out, so the hardest part of the night would be definitely saying goodbye. He wanted to make it as smooth as possible, but letting her go just like this was never going to be easy.

“You can send whoever you want to pick up your clothes and everything you need, even yourself if you want” he let her know as they stepped into the front door. “Just for a couple of weeks, or however you think it is necessary, my door is always open if you need anything” he let her know.

She nodded. “This the last time I will see you, then” she said, he nodded back.

“Just until the time is right” he let her know.

And if it wasn’t right… it would be the last time.

“Will you… call me or anything?” she asked innocently, fearing this would truly be the last time they would ever see each other.

Fearing this would only be the start of her worst nightmare.

“Like I said, I think it would be better if we kept distance” he said, a sad smile showing on his face “but please call me if something happens, anything, for you I will pick up in a second” he said, being sure of every single one of his words.

It was needless to say that he only meant this for necessary things. She knew she wouldn’t be able to make contact with him like before, what he meant right now was only referred to strictly necessary problems, not just any conversation. He would be there for her, but if it was just a casual thing, he wouldn’t be picking up the phone, she would have to look for someone else to talk to.

She never thought this would be happening to them.

“So this is a goodbye” she mumbled “I love you” she said, meaning every single one of her words “and I’m sorry”

His heart broke at the sound of her words. It was not fair that she said that, but he took it, she felt guilty even when she didn’t need to, he couldn’t blame her. This was too sudden, she couldn’t think straight.

“I love you so much” he said in clear words, walking up to her. “you don’t have to apologize for anything”

She smiled, already stating an answer, she knew that.

It was a bad habit, apologizing, it seemed to be something she just did as an instinct and he was always reminding her of that. The fact that he was even reminding her of this in such a moment was ironic.

Taking a step forward, Tom walked up to her and kissed her lips for one last time, not like it was a goodbye, rather than that, he wanted this to be a ‘see you soon’. He placed his lips over hers softly, and making them touch for only a couple seconds, to then slowly step back once it started to feel hard to get away, and before he could get attached, he kept his distance and decided to walk away, go home. Short and sweet, that was the plan.

He kept walking, trying his best to not look back as he left her behind and made his way out. He wanted this, he reminded himself, it was hard but it was something he had to do.

Of course, he wouldn’t just leave without making sure she would get inside, safe and sound; that’s why once he was out of sight, he stopped his pace and just waited, waited to hear that door open and her getting in that house, or at least something that told him there was no way something bad could happen to her while he was not looking. If any of that happen he would never forgive himself.

Part of him expected to hear her cry at the sight of him leaving, but instead, he was surprised when he heard her ring the doorbell straight up. She would get in trouble for that, for sure, but as long as she got in safely, it didn’t matter.

“Yes?” He heard a quiet masculine voice mutter through the intercom.

Frank, of course. The only person who could be up at that time and the only one she probably wanted to speak to at the moment.

“C’est moi (It’s me)” she mumbled through the intercom, speaking in French, only to assure him that it was her indeed.

Frank was no stranger to the language, he was born in France after all, he grew up with it and he was the one teaching her, after all. It was like their way of communicating, their special connection.

“It’s so late, are you drunk or something?” He said in a sort of annoyed tone, sounding tired and done with everything.

“Please Frankie, open up” she whined, holding the tears and barely able to speak.

“One sec”

The tension was building up quick, he felt so guilty. He guessed this is what it took to take such hard decisions.

He felt the impulse of leaving at that moment, once he knew she was finally getting in the house. However, he decided it was better to stay until it was just him in that street; something inside of him didn’t let him take another step while she was still there, he wanted to hear whatever was said, but specially, hear her voice one last time.

Only god knew how much he was going to miss her from now on.

The front door opened, she was finally with someone other than him. Someone familiar.

“Oh Chérie, what happened?” Frank said with worry, once he saw her “Est-ce que ça va? (Are you okay?)” He asked.

“No” she cried, breaking down in a million pieces “He broke up with me” she mumbled to him, with a broken voice “He left me”

Hearing her say that stroke him like he never thought it would. He never thought he wold hear those words coming out of her mouth. He left her, he really did and she really believed that. He left her, after all those years together, and he was very sorry.

The damage was done. He has done what he planned and there was no going back, as difficult as it was, he did what he needed to.

He got what he wanted.

Tom Holland was now a free man.

#tom holland #tom holland fanfic #tom holland imagines #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland blurb #tom holland x reader #tom holland imagine #peter parker fanfiction #peter parker x reader #peter parker imagines #tom holland smut #tom holland blurbs #tom holland x oc #tom holland x original character #tom holland x fem

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mrsbarnes107 · 3 years

Text

Secret of the Widow

-part seven-

Summary: Post Endgame time period. The team is healing, trying to navigate this new normal they’ve found themselves in when Bucky and Sam bring home a stray with an attitude and a secret. Will the broken team take her in? Or is it too much to bare?

Warnings: language, *eventual* violence and smut, death, fluff, angst

Pairings: Bucky x OC

Disclaimer: this is posted to Wattpad as well and it WILL HAVE PLOT. I’m a Bucky hoe so there will be smut and romancy stuff but this is a series, so plot plot plot and slow burn.

Something was blinding me and I was wrapped in a cocoon of warmth.

I cracked my eyes open, sunlight streaming in and effectively burning my retinas. A big yawn escaped as cat stretched across my bed, popping my joints deliciously.

Of course that's when I noticed that I was in my bed. The bed I was very much NOT IN last night.

I stumbled to the bathroom, throwing on some spandex shorts along the way. The mirror revealed a very distraught woman. Jeez I'm a mess. Puffy eyes, wild hair, pillow creases on my cheek. With a sigh I throw my hair into a bun and wash my face and teeth, staring down my reflection.

Where on earth did this ginormous hoodie come from? This thing is like a dress, I cant even see my shorts and I KNOW it's not mine.

The fact that i cried hard enough to pass out and NOT feel someone carry me to my room AND put a hoodie on me is very concerning. I need to reign in these emotions, no matter how hard it is being back in the tower.

I slip some fuzzy socks on and check the time. 6 am. Of course.

Making my way quietly down the hall I snuggle more into the cozy hoodie. It smells like musk, man, and crisp night air. This is mine now.

No one seems to be awake, so I decide to treat the team to an extravagant breakfast of waffles, bacon, and eggs. But first a very very large cup of coffee.

As the aroma of Heavens most beautiful creation fills the room I have FRIDAY shuffle my music, broadcasting it in the kitchen loud enough to dance around to but not wake the others.

Food is almost done when I'm in the middle of singing into the knife I grabbed to cut up some fruit.

"SHOT THROUGH THE HEART AND YOURE TO BLAME" chop chop chop "YOU GIVE LOOOVE A BAD NAME"

I toss the knife behind me and spin around to flip the bacon, catching it with a little twirl. "I play my part and you play your games oooh you give loveee" I begin setting the food on serving trays "a bad name."

As I'm dancing around the kitchen, enjoying the peace of cooking in an empty space, flicking the knife in the air and twirling it in my hand, I hear the team start to get up and around.

"She was a fast machine, she kept her motor clean" what a great way to start the day, bomb music and a dance party. "She was the best damn woman that I ever seen. She had sig-" as the knifes handle lands deftly in my palm, someone interrupts my concert.

"I feel like I should be serenading you right now Doll. Lookin like that, cookin food like this, definitely the best damn woman I've ever seen."

With a squeak I had launched the knife towards the voice, Bucky plucking it out of the air, right in-front of his amused blue eyes. He was leaning against the doorway, legs crossed and sleep rumpled hair. Apparently he's been there a while and apparently he was blessed with beauty no matter his state of dress.

"Barnes what the hell! Warn a girl, jeez." I put my hand over my heart to calm it while pouring a cup of coffee, walking it over to the super soldier. "And damn straight I'm the best. Glad you've noticed."

He follows me into the kitchen, leaning against the counter sipping his drink. "You're pretty skilled with this." I guess that was his warning as he catapulted the knife towards my stomach. Well I deserved that, I thought as I caught it while skipping a few songs.

"You'll come to learn I'm skilled in a few things." I say with a wink. "Although, I don't think anyone works a blade like you do Sarge."

I look up to find him staring at me with a weird expression before he shook his head and smirked. "Well Doll, I could always give you some pointers if you ever wanna train with me."

I'm jamming to Back in Black when the rest of the team walks in. Throwing Bucky a smile over my shoulder and a quick "your on, meet after breakfast?" He gives a nod and sits at the island beside the others.

This could be fun. Or a disaster. Definitely not a good idea. But a fun one for sure.

I'm still bouncing around to AC/DC when Sam scowls at me. Well he looks like a grumpy kitten in the mornings apparently.

"You are definitely Tony's creation." He grumbled, followed by a thank you, as they started scarfing down breakfast.

•••

"Hey Ali, why are you wearing Buckys hoodie?" Peter mumbled around a giant bite of waffle, food flying everywhere.

I paused for a second then continued pouring myself some more coffee, giving Barnes a quick glance that he avoided, deeply interested in his bacon apparently.

"Oh I forgot I was still wearing it, sorry Sarge." I said with a chuckle. "Couldn't sleep last night so I watched a movie and Barnes ended up joining me. I got cold and he was ever the century old gentleman."

That earned a scoff from the old man.

"We're still leaving at lunch right? I'm craving a taco from downtown." Wanda pipped up from across the island.

"Yeah that sounds great, I'm gonna get a quick workout in beforehand."

Peter glanced up from his waffle mountain "Do you think you could stop by the lab and help me out with something? When you're done shopping?"

I see Bucky staring at me in my peripheral, eyeing the smile I force onto my lips. That lab just can't get rid of me huh Tony. "Yeah of course, I'll let you know when I'm headed there."

With that I head back to my room and throw on some shoes and a tank top, leaving Buckys hoodie on my bed. I did say it was mine now anyways.

The gym is a large, two story area with many connected rooms. I went into the sparing room, with mats on the floors and a wall of punching bags. After stretching and putting on some music, I work on the power behind my punches, trying to land harder blows for someone larger than me.

Getting lost in the feel of fist biting leather I let myself drift into thought. I still don't know how to incorporate myself into the team. They were all very kind and grateful this morning, talking about their plans and letting me know they will be interrogating the two bombers from yesterday.

Am I being too open? I'm usually serious and more reserved unless I'm comfortable with someone like Nicky or Tony. It's just that I want them to see more than my serious, throat slashing side. The team is already gloomy enough, but I don't want them too think I'm not taking this seriously. Finding that line is hard when I don't know how receptive three of them even are to me at the moment.

Wanda, Buck, and Peter all seem fine, but the others are more hesitant.

I finish a set with a spinning roundhouse, sending the bag against the wall, just as one of my favorite songs comes on shuffle.

Being on your own for essentially twenty-two years gives you very little option for conversation. Besides the times I stayed with Tony, I was alone. As a kid my teachers were just that and Nicky was there when he could be, but all I really had was myself.

So music is my release. All I ever really had to let loose and feel lighter when on the road or cleaning up after a mission.

So I sing along while launching daggers into a sparring dummy from across the room.

#avengers #avengers fic #black widow #bucky barnes #bucky barns fanfiction #captain america #endgame #marvel #spiderman #the falcon #iron man #bucky x oc #enemies to lovers #winter solder #sebastian stan

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likefacesaretohearts · 4 years

Text

Close in Quarantine

Category - friends to lovers trope

Warnings - smut, unprotected sex

Word count: 1486

Hi y'all! This is my first fic on this page so I'd love to hear your thoughts on it. I want this to be a place to have fun and where WOC can see themselves reflected in fics. Much love!

Chris was saying the usual goodbyes and thank yous that occur at the end of an interview. Because everything was being done over Zoom and the video lagged even with the best of WiFi, there was the awkward overlapping of him and the interviewer talking at the same time. Once he was in the clear and was sure the call was off, he let out a big sigh and closed his laptop.

"I swear they ask the same questions every press run I do,” he said.

You emerge from the kitchen with a cold beer in hand, finally able to go into the living room. Chris didn't want you wandering around in the background while he was on the Zoom call because he knew that if anyone caught a glimpse of you, social media and the gossip blogs would be alight with rumors of Chris Evans and His Mysterious New Flame. In reality, you weren't together. Neither of you were really sure what you were, but there was certainly an ember of attraction there that had been building since you started quarantining together.

“Why don't you let me ask you the questions then,” you tease as you plop down on the couch near him.

“I have to polish up my singing voice, maybe work on my choreography first, huh?” he said.

You were a music journalist, so you spent your work days talking to rockstars and the most polished pop stars about their lives and music then cranking out long form articles for their fans and haters alike to read. Chris came over and sat next to you on the couch with his arm resting on the back of the couch behind you. Being this close to him made you nervous but you didn't mind...it was a bit of a rush. He’d started singing a song purposefully off key, taking the beer from your hand and using it as a microphone.

“You are no Mariah Carey, sir,” you said, trying not to give him the satisfaction of cracking a smile..

He knocked back some sips of your beer and you try to grab it from him to no avail. He playfully moves the bottle around and holds it in the air, using his tall stature as an advantage.

“We’ve been quarantined together for three weeks, your germs are my germs at this point,” he said.

“Bull shit that is not how that works,” you said laughing.

You finally get a hold of his hand with the beer in it, but suddenly the vibe changes. Chris, with his scruffy quarantine beard and slightly grown out hair, had grabbed hold of you and pulled you into him in a bear hug in one swift movement. Over the past few weeks living together during the pandemic, you’d gotten to know each other much better than you had when the world was “normal.” You'd seen each other first thing in the morning and gotten used to speaking freely with each other without fear of sounding weird, as it turned out you both were. You had been a friend of Scott's for a few months, and met Chris through him while he was filming a movie in L.A. After meeting him during a night of drinking at Scott’s place, you hit it off but were only casual friends...until the rona hit.

One night in the beginning of it all, you were lonely in your apartment when Scott convinced you it'd be a good idea to quarantine with his sexy ass brother that you hardly knew.

“Y/N, it's the perfect idea! You're both single and I'm in Massachusetts with our family,” Scott said. “There's no reason you should drive yourselves crazy quarantining alone when you could just live together —just until all this is over.”

Your family was miles away in Texas and your L.A. friends had their own thing going on, so you took him up on the offer, totally skipping the steps of even establishing that you like each other to living together during a global pandemic. The first day was a bit awkward as it was natural to be — you were in someone who was two steps up from a stranger’s home and self conscious because, again, he was fine as hell – but that night the two of you sat on his living room floor and bonded.

“If we tell each other our darkest and most embarrassing parts of our lives, the awkwardness is gone,” Chris had said. So you spent 5 hours talking about the deepest hurts and the greatest joys of your lives. From then on, it felt like you had known each other for years. You even got close with Dodger, who at first wanted nothing to do with you or your cat that you’d brought with you, Mocha.

You relaxed into Chris’ arms, letting your desire to be close to him take precedence over the practical side of you that didn't want to potentially ruin the dynamic you'd built. Chris, almost as if it was instinctual, kissed the top of your head and held you as if he had done it a hundred times before.

Fuck the dynamic.

You turned around to face him, mustering every ounce of bravery you've ever had. Almost instantly, he leaned in, as if he'd been waiting on you to turn around this whole time. His beard bristled against your face as your lips crashed against each other's, finally finding their way to one another after weeks of just friendly banter. You were on top of him now, your hands grazing over his mid length hair while his traveled down to your ass.

“I've been wanting to touch you for weeks,” he said between kisses.

“Then why did I have to make the first move?” you said, a wry smile on your face.

A devious grin spread across Chris’ face as he flipped you over on the couch so that he was on top. He left wet kisses on your neck and after lifting your shirt over your head, moved to the parts of your chest left exposed from your bra and down to your stomach. Your hips bucked with an arch forming in your back, relishing in the fact that Evans’ hands and lips were all over your body.

The two of you in all your feverish affection managed to roll off of the couch and fall onto the carpet, somehow knocking down the half full beer off the coffee table in the process.

You were straddling Chris on the ground, wanting nothing more than to feel him inside of you, to feel his bare skin on yours. You noticed the beer spilled on the floor.

“Shit.”

“It's okay, babe, leave it,” Chris said, his voice gruff and husky.

He picked you up and carried you to his bedroom, a place you'd never seen. His room was pristinely clean, for a man at least — very little was out of place. He laid you on the bed with a sense of determination, whispering in your ear as he got on top of you, his shirt half off, “I'm gonna show you how bad I've been wanting this.” His Boston accent had come out in full force...you'd only heard it like this after you'd both been drinking and your own Texas twang snuck out.

“I dare you,” you replied.

Everything seemed to move at lightning speed after that. It was like there was electricity within the touch of his fingers. In a whirlwind he took off your clothes and his own and before you knew it you could feel his dick brush against you, hesitating before he entered you.

“It's ok, I trust you. I want you,” you said at a near whisper, stroking his hair.

At first it was slow, the strokes were uncertain until he got accustomed to you and started a sensual rhythm. He eased himself deeper into you, causing you to throw your head back, letting yourself meld into him. His speed picked up while his lips grazed your nipples and the sound of his wooden bed frame hitting the wall filled the room.

You were in some sort of trance from the feeling of his hips moving against yours. Slowing down a little, Chris pinned your arms to his bed, brushed some of your now wild hair out of your face and placed his hands in yours. “Look at me,” he growled. Your fingers curled around his as he drove himself deeper inside you with a sense of urgency. As you stared into his blue-gray eyes you could feel yourself falling apart, and he did soon after.

The golden light from the setting sun peeked through the windows while you laid in Chris’ arms. Neither of you said a word but you felt closer than ever. Any amount of distance that was between you was gone now.

@honeychicanawrites I would love to know what you think of this. You inspired me to start writing fics!

#chris evans x black reader #chris evans x reader #chris evans imagine #chris evans fanfic #captain america #quarantine imagine #quarantine #black writers

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damn-stark · 3 years

Text

I Won’t Say (I’m in Love)

Chapter 8 of Dark Temptations

A/N- oh my gosh I love this chapter and I’m also so excited to finally write the next one!! Like I’ve been looking forward to writing it since I thought of this series! It’s going to be a banger! Anyway I hope you all like this one :) let me know what you thought?! Also this chapter was inspired by the song ‘Won’t say (I’m in Love) by Susan Egan’ and these gifs are not mine, so credits to who made them :)

Warning- swearing, Poe being Poe ;), slow burn, angst, violence, dark rey, slight talks of bullying but just so slightly (just needed to add cause I know it can be triggering for some people) fluff! Long chapter..

Pairing- Dark!Poe x Skywalker!reader

(Let me know if you wanna be tagged)

————

“Hurry up and blow out the candle,” Jacen insisted as he walked into the room and let his hand hover behind your head; showing Ben his intentions with a wink behind you. “And then tell me what you wished for.”

You snort, “I’ll tell you now. A better brother.”

“Y/N.” Your father warned in a soft voice.

You shrug not being sorry for your comment before swatting Jacen’s hand away. Hearing him groan and seeing him sit across from you with half of his face hidden behind the candles burning flame, trying to insist you to blow out the candles again until you pointed something out first, “isn’t Poe coming?”

Ben answers behind you before Jacen could, sounding somewhat disappointed. “He would’ve been here already, so no, I don’t think so.”

You sigh and for a moment you’re as disappointed as Ben and Jacen. Or even more so. But it’s only for a moment as you manage to pull your smile back on and concentrate on the candle waiting to be blown out.

Grinning wider as you saw your family waiting (ghosts included) in front of you; smiling and singing the usual tune sang at one's birthday. Happiness overfilling the premises of the room for the single event of something so small yet significant; Clapping joyfully as you finally inhaled a puff of air and then happily blew it out to put out the single burning flame. Unknowingly blowing out the last moment of happiness and the only fire you would ever be able to put out.

Because as night crept along, so did the horrors of a raging fire crawl along. Bringing burning misery and leaving nothing but the ashes of the happy moments.

——

Deafening silence transpired in the space of the room, as from the depths of the couch your eyes captured every dancing color painted in the nubla clouded outside the transparisteel of the room. Noting the beautiful crimson light reflected on the warm skin of your hand and the entirety of your resting and slouching body. Feeling a salty taste kiss the corner of your lips as wretched tears rolled down the curve of your cheeks; trying to ignore the somber fact however as you admired the blue and green colors from the rest of the nubla parading around and basking the entirety of the room in its hues.

Feeling an almost vacant mind while you tried to numb the emotions that connected to this day, regretting even accepting Poe’s offer to accompany him wherever it was he was going to.

You should’ve just said no and let him have a fit instead, all you felt like doing today was nothing but sit in the echoes of your silence.

You didn’t even feel like getting up to open the door as a soft knock sounded on it. But it was a problem quickly resolved as the familiar swooshing sound hit your ears, signifying that someone opened it. Someone that basing off the soft footsteps on the floor, was Finn.

And identifying that, you wiped the tears off your cheeks, managing a small smile before turning around on the couch to face him, noticing right away an obvious mischievous intent written on his grinning face and hidden hands behind his back.

Your eyebrows pinch together and you fly up to sit up straight and instantly question him. “What? What’s going on? What are you doing?”

Finn says nothing and only gets an almost boyish grin as you follow him all the way until he comes around to stand before you, making you more nervous than sad now.

“Finn—”

“Happy birthday!” He sang as he swung his arm back around in front of him, revealing a small white round cake with a single candle on it.

“Oh stars, no,” you muffle out as you hide your burning face and wet cheeks in your hands, unable to contain the giddy smile on your lips. “How did you find out?”

He chuckles proudly and you feel the empty spot beside you sink down. “I have my ways.”

“You stalked me.”

“Researched!” He corrects you, moving the hands away from your face to show the cake in front of you.

You smirk and meet his gaze. “Same thing, stalker.”

“Whatever.” he huffs before the same excited grin grows on his lips; noting at that instant as the blue and green hues of the nebula clouded outside basked his face, how handsome he really was and much kinder his grin looked. It was truly admirable just like his kind gesture. “Happy birthday y/n.”

“Thank you Finn.” You finally say softly, blinking down as he lit the candle and pushed the cake closer.

“Make a wish and blow it out.”

“Oh jeez,” you sigh, “I haven’t done this in seven years. How do you do it again?”

Finn chuckles and plays along, “you inhale a little bit of air and then blow it out on the candle. Just don’t spray it out.”

“Gotcha.” Sharing one last smile you inhale a little bit, hesitating for a moment as you actually thought of a wish for his sake...and maybe yours. Watching the single dancing flame on the candle and feeling it captivate you as your memories began to flash in your mind for a fleeting moment. A single second before you forced yourself to blow out the candle and smile.

With a wider grin Finn then puts down the cake to face you and ask the usual, “What did you wish for?”

You scoff, “I can’t say or it won’t come true. You do know that's an unspoken rule right?”

“Come on just a little snippet.”

With a sigh you choose to say it, knowing it wouldn’t really matter as the real sad wish you thought of would remain hidden in the depths of your brain. “I wished to be a jedi Master.”

His eyebrows knot together in confusion, “aren’t you...one?”

“Nope. Not yet, my father never had the chance to grant me the rank of master. I’ve been doomed to be a Jedi knight for the rest of my life like my grandfather was.” You share. The last sentence added as more of an inside joke between Ahoska, Master Kenobi and said person. Knowing that only two of the three would’ve gotten a good laugh and it would’ve been great. And as much as you longed to live through that moment now, all you could do was imagine such a scene.

Finn blinks, not understanding a word and choosing to continue without going deep into it. “So, I know it isn’t a lot but it’s done with a lot of love, okay?”

“Don’t worry about it, I love it.” You smile before moving to wrap him in a much needed embrace. “Thank you Finn. You’ve got a good heart.”

At those words, his hold tightens and he lets out a slow breath of air, responding with nothing but a slow building tension that was broken as the door slid open. Revealing as expected, Poe.

He froze by the door and he gave no reaction at first, not until he collected himself and let his gaze narrow on what he caught; hiding his weird, bothered emotions as he walked inside. Letting the door close behind him before speaking up once Finn and you broke apart. “Good morning you two.” His eyes drift to the table in front of the couch and then to Finn and you again. “What’s the occasion?”

Just as Finn was going to open his mouth, you cut him off. “Nothing. Finn just wanted cake this morning.”

“Hmm,” Poe walks over to sit on your other side, suppressing his threatening smile and instead leading with something different. “Well we’re leaving soon, so do what you need to do before then.”

You shoot him a pointed gaze and turn your back to him before huffing out as softly as you could, feeling your pout but hiding it as you took a piece of cake on a paper plate and began to eat it in your unwelcomed and sudden anger.

Poe knew what today was. You knew you told him multiple times before—roughly seven years ago, but still, it’s something you doubted he forgot.

Or maybe he did. And it shouldn’t matter! It didn’t!

Yet you remembered his birthday even after the passing years without seeing him. Why didn’t he remember—no it didn’t matter. It doesn’t matter. Yet your eyes began to water as if you did care and he fucking noticed—“hey Princess are you okay?”

“Don’t.” You hiss as you stand and sit on Finn's other side, hearing Poe instantly remark back.

“Here I thought we were making progress.”

Another huff escapes you and you ignore him, feeling your anger burn more. Knowing at that instant that it did.

It did matter.

——

If there was a prize for rotten judgment you would be the sole grand winner for choosing to care so much about something so minuscule like remembering a birthday you haven’t celebrated for so long until this day because of Finn! But it's not like you were choosing to actually care, you didn’t want to at all. Who cared, right? Who cared about Poe remembering. Not you, nope.

Yet it felt so aggravating!

Like you wanted to grab him by the collar of his shirt and punch his nose, or just cry. Either choice—but he wasn’t even worth all this anger you felt boiling inside, or the crazy knotted up mess that was your thought process right now. He wasn’t worth you getting worked up. He wasn’t, and thinking so, you finally chose to expel out all the negativity and...other, with a deep breath in and a deep, relaxed breath out.

“Y/N.”

Fuck.

You grumble, “what?”

Poe stays silent for a second at the sound of your response whilst he studies your face and then tries to suppress a smug smirk; instead distracting the temptation by pulling out a blaster from his holster and holding it in front of you. “Since we’re not really in a safe place I want you to take this for just in case.”

You glance down at the black blaster and manage an amused grin and a scoff. At that instant and only for that shared instant forgetting your anger for him. “What?”

“Take the blaster.” He explains bluntly.

This time a snort escapes you, “a blaster?”

“Yes.” Poe deadpans.

You quickly frown, “you’re serious.” Rubbing the bridge of your nose you sigh, “I can’t take it.”

“What? You don’t know how to use it?” Poe asks smugly.

“No, I do, but it’s just not me….blasters are just so….” your face scrunches up and you pick up the blaster with the tip of your fingers in an almost disgusted manner. “They’re just so—can I use my lightsaber instead?”

Poe shakes his head, “no, I don’t trust you with them. You’re too good with them, you could cut my team without blinking and then leave, so no, sorry Princess, you get what you get.” He then follows by leaning closer and maneuvering your hand to the parts of the blaster. “And if you don’t know how to use it; hit the trigger and then shoot with this end pointing at the enemy.”

You frown and anger boils up again, watching him shoot you a smirk before his face was hidden behind the features of his black helmet, waving you over to follow him and his squadron; that was surprisingly made up of more of his black armored stormtroopers this time.

But as he did instruct you to follow, you didn’t and just fell by Finn's side. “What are we doing on Navarro anyway?” You question the only person you talked to outside of Poe and the only one you weren’t currently upset at. “I doubt we’re here for the Twi’Lek healing baths.”

“Nomad is here to meet with someone.”

“Who?” You interject rather quickly.

Finn shrugs, “a collector and bounty hunter; some Mandalorian. I don’t know he was being cagey.”

You hum and think out loud, “I didn’t know they existed anymore.” But then come to another conclusion, “but why did he bring me? There's no need for me here.”

“You prefer being in your room?” Finn counters.

“Well...no, but I just...nevermind.” Expressing one last huff you don’t finish what you’re going to say and instead focus on the tavern you were guided too, noting right away the few people inside all minding their business until Nomad and his pack of plastic followers walk inside disrupting the peace. Building a thick tension in the small area that only thickened as in the corner sat a single Mandalorian in red and white armor, it’s head lifting to most likely look at the man it was waiting for; following his movements as he turned back around and walked towards Finn and you.

“I’ll be back, I need to handle something, stay here while I’m gone.” Nomad instructs, his helmet facing Finn and then turning to face you. “Use the blaster if you need it, okay?”

You roll your eyes and cross your arms over your chest while you look away and hear him and his squadron leave through a back door, leaving only a selected few to patrol the area. Leaving Finn and you to sit on the bar in silence that he was quick to break with an enthusiastic question. “Birthday drinks?”

A smile even if you tried can’t help but spread on your lips.You weren’t much for drinking, only on rare occasions, but you knew he was excited and his gesture was meaningful, so you had no choice but to accept. Being left alone, or well not really, but since none of the other troopers were even close or paying attention, you were basically alone while Finn went to get what he offered; a poor and unintentional choice on his behalf since you were quick to get lost in your loud thoughts. Still absorbed by the stupid anger Poe’s forgetfulness left you in.

Unaware of the fact as you fought your thoughts and feelings that someone beside you was eyeing you, recognizing you straight away and speaking out loud in a voice that both startled you and sounded so familiar. “Y/N?”

Your eyes widen and with one hand you try to reach for your blaster, but freeze as from the corner of your eye the face registers in your mind. “Uncle Lando.”

“Kid, what are you doing here? Your—”

“Shh,” you breathe out, dropping your hand back to your side and picking up your guard—only not for the man sitting beside you, but of who could walk through those doors at any moment. “You know I would’ve loved to catch up any other time, but as of right now I’m sorry to cut this meeting short.” Snatching a napkin left on the bar you then have to ask, “do you have something to write with?”

He blinks but takes out something, handing it to you as he asks. “You’re with the first order aren’t you? What can I do?”

You glance around and shake your head, not hesitating even for a moment to jot down the old and new piece of information you had collected; “I want you to take these coordinates and transmit them only to C3PO or Artoo, no one else. They can give it to Ben or my aunt Leia.” You smile as you pass the piece of information to him, having to look ahead as to not give him away. “Don’t try and fight these people, just take it okay?”

He hesitates at your instructions, wanting just like his group of his friends to break the rules. But unlike them he was more rational and did what he was told. Thank the force—“okay I’ll do it now.” He stands up to leave, but before he does he walks behind you and hastily as well as briefly wraps his arm around your shoulders. “Happy birthday, junior. Hope we cross paths under better circumstances soon.”

You grin and want so badly to leave with the man next to you, but knowing if you did you'd put his life in danger. So for now all you had to do was wish and watch him leave—“we will. Thank you, uncle Lando.”

Before he leaves he places a very gracious amount of money on the table in front of you—A present you quickly came to recognize. And like all the times before, an expensive one.

“Hey, sorry I took forever. I almost had to fight some women for these drinks.” Finn finally returns whilst explaining in an annoyed tone.

“No worries,” you dismiss him, turning your head to watch him place the drinks in front of you. “Now I won’t have to think of my escape.” You feign a laugh, seeing him hesitate as he saw the money before you.

“Where’d you get that?”

“Oh,” dragging the money off the table, you shove it into your pocket and offer him a reassuring smile. “Poe gave it to me. I was just counting it.” Avoiding having to explain further, you take a big gulp of your drink and feel the tension rise again. This time it was something that lasted until you finished your blue drink, slamming the cup down and shooting Finn an innocent smile he didn’t find a meaning behind. Instead drank his own blue drink, making a distasteful face as the liquid hit his tongue. Beginning to mutter something until he stopped himself and put his helmet back on, staying seated and making you anxious at the sudden drop in mood and raise in tensed silence.

Silence broken by a blunt, “we have to go.”

Having no other choice, you follow Finn and the rest of the left over stormtroopers out, finding it strange right away as they were all sent back to the ship. All except for the both of you that kept walking deeper into the small town and then out, walking on grey stone and feeling the blaze from the distant lava that scattered around the planet. Seeing nothing for a couple of miles but sad, grey scenery; both in land and above. Spotting a couple long minutes later of endless walking, Nomad and two others behind him; in front of them the Mandalorian that you saw before, it’s helmet turning to face you, tilting slightly too whilst stopping its words it muttered to try to step towards you. It’s attempts stopped quickly as Nomad blocked its path.

“Tell you what, General, new deal. The girl for what you seek.”

Nomad doesn’t even take time to think of his answer, snapping back in an intimidating modified voice. “No. That was never the deal.”

The Mandalorian lets out a loud huff and places its hands on the handles of its blasters. “There's a bounty on her head worth more than your pounds of gold placed by her family. Do you know who she is or need I inform you?”

“She wouldn’t be with me if I didn’t know,” Nomad countered, his own gloved hand going to the handle of his vibrosword. “And she’s not some prize you can just take, or fight for. She was never the deal. We have our deal. Take it—”

“I’ll leave it.” The Mandalorian snaps back, in a blink of an eye, pulling out its blasters and shooting the two stormtroopers behind Nomad before threatening said man with its loaded blasters. Both pointing at one another with their weapons. Leaving Finn and you still in the same position as before, your own weapons ready just in case. “I’m taking the girl. Deals off whether you like it or not.”

“No.” Nomad argued sharply, “I need what you promised!”

The Mandalorians head tilts and it clicks its tongue under its helmet. “And I said, deals. Off. Tell your master that if he wants it he can come get it himself.”

Nomad’s hold tightens around his vibrosword, his head turning to face you for a moment that seemed like it was forever when in fact it was only a minute. One minute he took before he spun on the back of his heels to pull out his other blaster and shoot a man that had jumped out of hiding. A sudden action that caused you to gasp and be left in a silent surprise; an expression that lasted only seconds as a cascade of unfortunate events unfolded because of who Nomad shot.

Forcing you to hide after your blaster was shot out of your hand, not noticing Finn knocked out until he fell unconscious next to you.

“Finn?!” You suddenly cried out, catching the approaching gang of scoundrels rush towards you with determined and raging glares. Causing you to jump to your feet and look beside you to notice the blaster consumed by the small lake of lava. “Shit.” You look ahead again and see the gang approaching fast, but in the chaos that the day turned out to be, you also saw the freedom you craved as Nomad was weaponless on the ground just feet away.

Leaving him to get killed by the Mandalorian would make everything much easier, make your own goals be accomplished, make these people, even if it was for the money, take you back to the family you missed, closer to feel the force flow within you again.

Nothing would be easier than to give yourself in. But again as your eyes fell on Nomad your mind fought the battle that brewed inside you too, outweighing the choice to leave and leaving you with nothing but your own morality and despair to reach him in time. An insistence that made you break into an adrenaline packed sprint, feeling as the hot wind hit your face like you were running almost in slow motion, feeling like you were unable to reach him in time to stop the Mandalorian. Feeling utterly helpless without the force you needed, feeling the inkling of the same feelings you felt that night seven years ago.

But unlike that tragic night, this time you ran fast enough, you managed to reach Nomad before he was killed. Managing to pick his vibrosword off the ground and sliding on your feet to land perfectly in between the two, redirecting the blast the Mandalorian shot with the blade in your hand, hitting his unprotected throat and seeing in a matter of seconds its body fall lifeless to the warm ground.

The sight made you smirk just as you got to your given height and faced the now stunned gang, their bravery even if you couldn’t feel it through force, dwindling and burning away as they saw their leader dead by your feet. Some daring to come after you, but stopped as Finn awoke from his short unwanted slumber and shot them down in an act of surprise. Leaving the weak to run away before they could be killed too.

“Are you okay?!” Finn yelled out from where he was, wobbling as he struggled to get back to his feet.

You shot him a thumbs up as a response before turning to face a helmetless Poe struggling to get up. His brown eyes slowly lifting to notice your hand out in front of him before they locked with your own gaze. Noticing the small assuring smile that hid the sizzling anger you still felt towards him.

——

“Do you need help?” You ask Poe hesitantly. Not because you didn’t want to help him stitch his wound, but because for the past ten minutes after returning to the ship, you’ve fought yet another battle inside your mind on whether you should come help. Feeling the anger never leave, poisoning your mind more and more the deeper you thought of him forgetting a fact that he most likely didn’t care about.

Thinking about it now still made you boil over.

It was stupid and annoying, but it admittedly hurt the deepest chambers of your heart. Your uncle Lando’s comment only cured so much.

Why? Why did it have to be like this?

“I,” Poe’s eyes go from the needle in his hand and then lift up to you, sighing out his response as he pushes his hand out to you, “yeah, could you please.”

You offer a quick nod and wash your hands before walking towards him, swallowing thickly as you tried to ignore the sight of his exposed upper body, or the feeling of his warm skin under the tip of your fingers. Concentrating instead on the bad stitching on his still very much open wound that bled on his shoulder. “H-how were you even trying to do this without a mirror?”

His head lowers and he shrugs his right unharmed shoulder, sighing deeply while his head rises again, wanting to look over his shoulder to look at you, but deciding to keep his eyes on the wall instead. “Why did you come back? You could’ve let them take you back to your family, away from where you’re heading back to. Why did you even save me? I thought you hated me.”

You stop what you’re doing at his questions, leaving one of your palms resting on his smooth back, while your other hand held onto the needle, hearing your heartbeat suddenly pick up its rhythm inside your chest. Your mind hesitating for a moment to answer with the responses you had no time in coming up with. Truthfully it was a surprise you were even going to answer him the way you were—“because it was the right thing to do.”

“What? Come back to your cell?” He interjected.

You sigh, choosing to continue with what you had been doing as you continued to explain. “No, go back and help you. It was the right thing to do, I couldn’t just let you die; no matter what you’ve done. I wasn’t raised like that.” You let silence surround the small room for a brief moment to really piece your answer for his last question, feeling tension grow between you both the longer you remained quiet. Answering abruptly only before he could utter a word. “And I don’t hate you.”

Another brief pause takes place, this much quicker to break than the other. “I don’t hate anyone. Hate doesn’t lead you to anything good, I’ve learned that the hard way.”

Poe responds with silence, his head once again lowering after you finished, his body remaining still with only his eyes following your figure moving around the room until you stayed leaning by the cot across from him, speaking just above a whisper. “Well, thank you.”

You sigh and force a smile, “yeah.” With nothing else shared, you push your body off the cot and only take one step before Poe stops you.

“Wait, don’t go just yet.”

Your eyes flicker up to him and your heart races all over again.

“Now that we're alone, I wanted to give you something.” Poe reaches for his coat, digging his hand into a pocket hidden inside the clothing to pull out a small square silver box.

You scoff, “if it’s a pack of cigarras, thank you but I told you I don’t find them appealing.”

A small smile tugs on his lips as he shakes his head to turn down your comment. “It’s not that, just open it.” he extends his hand out to offer you the small box; making your face burn hotter than the lava that surrounded Navarra, causing your stomach and heart alike to do all types of flips inside you. Making your attempts slow as you took the box from his hand, feeling your fingers brush against his, but that particular feeling so small and unmatched to the feeling exploding within you now as you held the box in your hands.

“Okay,” you words tremble, glancing at him and then back to the box to pull the top off. Hesitating for a moment as you notice a small white silk cloth covering what was underneath; thinking at that instant, fuck, fuck, fuck—but continuing nonethless with shaky hands and a shaky breath that was suddenly sucked in as your eyes finally captured what the box contained.

Stars. Stupid…

“Poe…” you gasp, “what is this?”

He grins shyly, but also smugly. How did he do that?—“it’s a bracelet. I was going to give it to you in the morning, but Finn was there so I chose to save it for later.”

You try to swallow back a lump that had been quick to form in your throat as you studied the silver clasp snake chain charm bracelet inside the box; but you were unable to fully contain what threatened to show. Feeling your chest tighten more as your eyes stung with annoying tears the moment you also noticed the two silver star charms that were already decorating the bracelet. Poe’s continuing comment breaking you from your trance.

“I know you like admiring the stars from the room, and liked to do so even before, so now when you can’t see them outside you need only look down.” His voice softens and you swore by everything that you could hear his smile in his voice. “Happy birthday, sweetheart.”

No, no. Fuck, he can’t make you feel any type of warm and heart fluttering, exploding kind of way, no, no way. You were just angry at—fuck. Who were you kidding….

Finally being able to break away from the thoughts that barged through your mind, your eyes blink up to meet his already intent and soft gaze, hiding your watery gaze by going to him and wrapping him in a sudden embrace that caught him by complete surprise. Leaving him utterly clueless on what to do for a couple of seconds until your tightening hold snapped him back; letting him finally return your embrace with a hesitant hold at first, but soon tightening it around you just like you had with him. Hearing your words whispered by his ear that sent shivers down his spine—“thank you, Poe. You didn’t have to get me anything.”

Poe smirked and remarked your comment to try and hide what he felt brewing inside him. “You thought I forgot, didn't you?”

You scoff and break away instantly, lying straight through your teeth. “No, I didn’t actually.”

Poe snickered, “you did, I noticed you’ve been mad at me all day. But don’t worry I never forgot about you, Princess.”

Unable to give a coherent response you choose to scoff instead and choose to spin around to leave, not getting far as Poe caught your arm in time and whispered by your ear. “I’ve never forgotten about you,” he turns you around to face him again, the current position you were in making you squirm under his hold, unable to meet his eyes like you had moments ago. Hearing his lips part to add more instead—or rather nothing as he closed his mouth, not sharing what he planned and instead tilting your head up with his knuckle, making your eyes meet his dark ones. Letting him lean his face closer to you. Feeling his hand that was wrapped around your arm, slowly travel down to your hand, causing the hairs on the back of your neck to rise and your skin to grow goosebumps as his warm hand snaked past every inch of it.

The gentle touch almost felt in some ways euphoric or like that feeling when one drinks water in the middle of the night. It made you want to pull away but let him touch so much more. But he didn’t touch anything else, or say anything, he only smiled sweetly and began to gently caress your cheek.

“I-I” you stammer out before your eyes roam down to his lips, getting the strong temptation to just lean in and really, truly feel what his lips felt like, what they taste like and not having to only imagine it, or relay off a dream.

Every part of your body screamed at you to do it, nothing was stopping you; no sudden interruption or nagging thought to run away. You could and wanted to do it like you needed it to breathe—So you did it. You leaned in to close the gap without saying anything more, feeling your cheeks burn and your heart hammer inside your chest. All of it albeit brushing off as your lips brushed against his, but only that as he swiftly swerved you and kissed your cheek instead. Leaving you stiff and confused while he uttered words you barely caught. “Happy birthday, baby.” The teasing fuck then pulled away and moved around you, stopping as he reached the ships hall to throw back one comment you heard him say through gritted teeth, “Oh and Snoke wants to see you.”

First, fuck Poe; the anger you felt for him before had left your body, but now it returned with more raging fire. Second, great. This was going to be absolutely fantastic.

——

“Skywalker, it’s been some time.” Snoke greets coldly, not even acknowledging Poe on his knee next to you. “Truly your presence has been missed my friend.”

Ew.

Taking your silence and glare as a response, he proceeds by standing from his seat and walking down to be just a couple feet away to then wave someone over from behind you. His pale face soon thereafter decorated by an ugly wicked grin that you identified was caused by the brunette that walked to his side with a long hovering object at her side, and a sly smile shot at you.

“I have two gifts for you. One will be shown tomorrow in the form of a ball, or party, whichever term you may like to call it. But today my faithful apprentice and I both wanted to gift you something...special for such an important day.” Snoke continued proudly and with malicious intent, glancing at Rey to give her a knowing nod. “If you would.”

Rey doesn't hesitate and Poe stands to his feet the moment she lightly pushes the hovering object in front of you; glancing at you behind her hood to share a mischievous smirk as she uncovered the hovering object to reveal a box.

“Go ahead, Skywalker, It’s for you.” Snoke urges.

You hesitate to do as Snoke, glancing at Poe; the only person you trusted here. Someone who noticed your hesitance and shared an unsure but assuring nod. It didn’t precisely make you at all excited to actually do as instructed, but you did so because you knew it wasn’t really a suggestion.

And in that moment you began to reach the box to unveil what was hidden within you got a horrible gut wrenching feeling and felt a cold chill slither down your spine.

Feelings that horrifyingly intensified and became much greater the moment you threw the top back and identified the object within. Darth Vader’s burnt helmet.

——

(Ben’s P.O.V)

“If it’s a fight you want Ben,” she uttered confidently, pressing the button on her lightsaber to reveal the double blades that emitted from her hilts, and that almost blended with the blood red background. The only thing that distinguished the two was the humming sound coming from her lightsaber.

“It’s a fight you’ll get.” She finished, forcing Luke to summon his own lightsaber from his side and welcome it to his open hand, pressing down the button to activate the lightsaber and show a steady humming bright blue blade.

Upon noticing the changing fact, Rey smirked, twisting her lightsaber in a fluid movement as she watched Luke begin to walk behind her, trapping her between Ben and him. Causing a change that should’ve knocked down her confidence a notch or two, but that did what appeared to be the opposite, as she confidently lunged at Ben first.

Causing Ben to react quickly, hastily avoiding her blade by moving to the side—Rey then without a fault spun around and tried to surprise Luke by swinging down, but he was too skilled and caught her actions, avoiding her swing and looking at her with a disapproving look that made her grip onto her hilt with both hands and swing her other end at him. Her shoulders visibly stiffening as Luke again maneuvered out of the way.

Ben couldn’t help the pride build within himself at the scene in front of him, almost wanting to smirk at the fact that Rey seemed to be getting angry at Luke’s dodges. But that was the keyword, almost, because Ben took the opportunity Rey was distracted and strided closer to her; lifting his lightsaber to jab down on her back. Only getting surprised as Rey spun on her heels to clash her red blade against the blue just in time, lifting her leg and kicking Ben back.

Said man remained in balance and slid on his feet, glaring at the determined girl as she strode towards him, swinging her double blades but being met every single time with a clash, or quick dodges that ticked her off more each time. Enough so that she let out an angry bellow and dug her heels to the ground before running towards Ben. Turning her lightsaber in her hand to go for a high swing.

Ben quickly blocked her and was about to retaliate until her voice interrupted his action. “I can help you, show you the ways of the dark side,” she put out, her gaze consumed by the red lights below, narrowing her gaze on his currently unmoving stance, “you could join your cousin. Be stronger. The three of us could be stronger together.”

Ben blinked, “three? What about your Masters pet?”

Rey ignored that specific question and chose to continue with her plan on distracting him, her gaze unwavering unlike Bens; whos eyes searched her face, causing the reflection of the lightsabers hues to change from red and blue as he searched deeply to find the lie or the truth on her face—or really to take a second to debate her offer. “Think about it, Ben, more power than you have now. The anger that clouds you, I can help you with. You can be better than Darth Vader. We—”

“Ben!” Luke bellowed, stopping her words and letting Ben’s eyes snap over Rey’s shoulder. Distracting him from the move Rey began to play out, letting her continue to move back and fake a high swing that she swiftly switched up as Ben’s attention went on her again.

He moved his lightsaber to block her until she deactivated her blades and hastily dropped her hilt to catch it with her other hand. Smirking as the red blades reappeared again and she swung up in intents to slash his torso. Failing nonetheless as she didn’t count on the force Luke used to pull her back to hit the ground and only letting her blades cut Ben’s black tunic.

“Sorry.” Luke shrugged nonchalantly, his hands clasping in front of him as he watched Rey’s face turn red out of anger. “I’ll tell you what I would tell Ben. Breathe, anger doesn’t do you nothing good.”

A small growl left Rey’s lips as her hand clutched on her hilt, parting her lips to talk back, but not managing to say much as Ben stomped forward, spinning his lightsaber and lifting his blue blade over his head to try and impale Rey.

But right as he was going to complete his action, Rey lifted her legs and kicked him back with all her pent up anger; knocking his breath out of his lungs and causing him to fall to the ground with his lightsaber now several feet away from his hand—Rey used this advantage to swiftly push herself back to her feet and fluidly spin back to face Luke, swinging half of her red blade at him, but not surprisingly, creating bright sparks as the red blade clashed with the blue. The colors mixing and creating a purple hue that basked their faces as they remained still while Luke spoke out words that caught her off guard.

“It’s not too late,” he spoke, her glare faltering, “I could help you, teach you the ways of the Jedi. Take you away from the anger that clouds you and the master who manipulates you. It’s not too late, you can change, I can sense it.”

Rey stiffened as she remained struck with flooding emotions, trying to unscramble Luke’s words as she heard Snokes echo and the dark side pull back stronger. Only creating a silent waiting tension that broke as “reason” hit her again—“no. You can’t manipulate me! I will not fall!” She seethed, moving back and gripping onto her hilt with both hands again to fight back, throwing an angry remark beforehand. “But your daughter will! And she’ll be the monster you’ll fear the most.”

Luke remained unphased and spoke as so. “My daughter is stronger than you think, than your master thinks. She won’t fall.”

Rey cocked her head slightly to the side and grimaced, “we’ll see.” And then in a brisk move she stepped forward, swinging one red blade to meet the blue before her jaw clenched and she swung the other end; catching him before he could block her by closing the extended hilt and trapping his blade between hers.

Her confidence overcame her, thinking she had won before the fight was over, before Luke skillfully turned around to her other side. Twisting her lightsaber along with him and leaving her disarmed and steaming with anger. Something that caused her to throw her hand out and summon Ben’s lightsaber to her hand, gasping as she felt a force pull it back, fighting against her.

Rey turned around and saw Ben on his feet, his hand out trying to pull his lightsaber to himself as well, creating a tug of war against each other that increased in intensity as they both fought harder. Creating the same scene from the force connection; both groaning and grunting as they fought. Only this time not to push each other away, but to reach for something that shouldn’t have even been fought for in the first place, something that was just fought for because of the anger they both had. Blinding both and adding a tension to Ben’s lightsaber that was unknowingly making the kyber crystal within crack.

“Ben, let go! Leave her!” Luke tried to reason, but it was only going in through one ear and shooting out the other. “Ben! Listen to me, let go of your anger! Breathe! She isn’t worth it let go!” Luke bellowed again, dropping Rey’s lightsaber and trying to make Ben understand without wanting to intervene with the battle in front of him. “Ben, y/n still needs us! Let go! Ben—”

Luke’s words suddenly cut off as something red flew through the room and hit Rey’s shoulder, sending her flying back and the hold she had on the lightsaber to be dropped out of a sudden.

Both Ben and Luke looked back and by the entrance stood Mara with a blaster in hand and a determined expression set on her features. Leaving Ben stunned and amazed.

“No more time to gawke, it’s time to go.” She explained, waving both men over; making them both listen and rush towards her to then run out of the room and down the same halls to get back to the Falcon. Leaving a moment of just silence that made Ben wonder out loud.

“Why did you go back? I thought my uncle Luke took you back to the ship?”

The man in question responded with nothing in his defense and instead focused on getting out, letting Mara answer instead. “He took me halfway and I decided to go back because I knew something was going to go wrong. You’re welcome.”

Ben’s mouth was left open, unable to speak any words, just let silence take over instead all the way until they reached the already started up Falcon, with Chewbacca waiting by the ramp, his shoulders dropping at the realization of the missing person.

He expressed his concern and Ben answered hesitantly as he climbed inside and walked past him. “She-she’s not here.” Not waiting for another question, Ben hurried to the cockpit where his father was waiting, his face like his mother’s dropping their excitement, as like Chewbacca they noticed the missing person they were here for in the first place. And before they could question the absence, like Ben knew they would, he interrupted their thought, “she wasn’t here, we have to go before they blow us up.”

They said nothing, but look at one another and then at Luke walking past Ben. He hadn’t meant to be so harsh when he answered, but he didn’t have the time or patience. All he could think about was letting his cousin down, failing and falling for the trap Rey had supposedly laid, the anger that he felt built more and more inside him, towering to a point it felt like it was going to tumble over and bring his composure down with it. Nothing felt like it could calm him down, not his family, his old master or Mara. Not the thought that he could save his cousin because he was failing at that. His anger was becoming overwhelming, clouding him. The only thing that seemed to distract him from imploding was the sudden violent shake on the Falcon.

“Oh no,” his father expressed, removing his hand from the hyperspace lever.

“Oh no what?” His mother questioned wide eyed.

“It’s not wanting to jump to hyperspace.” He stressed, his hand jumping all over the control board, avoiding another blast that threatened to hit the ship.

“What do you mean?” Luke followed, “I thought you were here fixing the ship the whole time?!”

“I was!” Han snapped back.

“Then?!”

Han turned to look back at Luke to point his finger at him, his annoyance for the situation clear as day. “I’ve got it handled.” He turned around quickly and began to give Chewbacca instructions, demanding answers for the problems, but receiving nothing but another hit that shook the whole Falcon.

“If we don’t get out of here, they’re going to blow us out of space.” Ben added to the tension.

“Not exactly,” Mara spoke up in an excited tone, a grin spreading on her face before she rushed out of the cockpit. Reappearing moments later through Hans headpiece, her intentions instantly explained as blasts from the Falcons gun began to shoot out at the TIE’s after them.

“At least someone’s thinking.” Han quipped, his attention wavering from flying, to helping Mara and trying to fix the Lightspeed problem. Causing Ben to move along and distract himself with that, going all around the boards, pushing, pulling and changing anything he could think of. Turning out that the stress this was causing was not the best for his already building up anger. Just as he was going to complain, his mother’s voice broke through.

“I did it.” She smiled, making Han turn to her stunned, in slight awe and admiration. “Maybe it’s time to retire, flyboy.”

Han scoffed and smirked, turning back to focus his attention on leaving, “Punch it, Chewie!”

This time the action came out successful; seeing the blue and white streaks of hyperspace fly past them. Dropping Ben back to his anger as well.

——

“Think about it, Ben, more power than you have now...”

No.

Ben grabbed his lightsaber from his side and set it on the table, taking it apart to see the blue kyber crystal that was once complete, cracked and unable to give full life to his lightsaber as it did before. Now it sputtered as it activated, steamed almost, like at any moment it was going to explode. All because of Rey.

“The anger that clouds you, I can help you with…”

No.

He took a deep breath and tried to find a solution to heal his kyber crystal, unaware that his hand was clenching so tight under the table that his nails broke his skin until it bled. Unaware of the pair of eyes carefully watching him from across the room.

“You can be better than Darth Vader...”

No.

“Ben.”

Said man clenched his fist tighter, flinching slightly at the sudden call of his name from the girl approaching.

“Mara,” He uttered deeply, meeting her gaze only briefly before he focused on his cracked crystal again. “Are you still mad?”

Mara sat across from him in the booth and rested her arms on the table, shaking her head, “I understand why she had to hide her real identity, but I just don’t get why you guys didn’t trust me enough to tell me...or atleast her.”

Holding the crystal between his thumb and pointer finger, Ben sighed, “don’t take it too personally, my cousin isn’t good with people, she prefers talking to ghosts or family. It takes her time to get comfortable around some people.” his eyes slid to the side to meet her dark ones, “she used to get bullied by the other kids in the temple when she was younger because of who she talked to that's why...just don’t tell her I told you. She’s never talked about it.”

Mara hummed in comprehension, folding her arms over the table and admiring the crystal in Ben’s fingers—“what’s wrong with it?”

Ben shrugged, running his hands through his long hair, “it’s cracked and unstable now. I need to fix it to make my lightsaber work...but I haven’t found a way yet. If you have any, I’m open to hear them.”

Mara giggled, “I know nothing about lightsabers just that they’re actually heavier than I expected.”

Ben smiled slightly, feeling his anger subside for a moment, but not enough. She wasn’t enough.

“I can help you find jai—y/n.” Mara continued, making Ben frown.

“No,” he shook his head, putting the crystal back into his lightsaber, “the only clue to where she could be ended up being a trap.”

“So, you’re going to give up?”

“No.” Ben snapped quickly, a sharpness in his tone he didn’t mean. “She’s still out there. As long as she is, I'm going to look for her.”

Chewbacca from where he sat in the Falcon, added to Ben’s statement, making Ben agree. “Chewbacca is right, we only know she might be in another star destroyer. No where. She could be anywhere in this galaxy. It could take months to find her. Months my mother and you don’t have time to keep looking. You both need to get back to base.”

“What about you?”

Ben only briefly glanced at her as he responded, “I told you already, as long as she’s out there I’m going to look. She needs me.” He looked into the depths of the crystal on the table, once again clenching his fist, breathing in deeply and exhaling out slowly. The topic he was talking about made his fist shake and his jaw to clench tightly. Made him roll his head to the side to try and cool his anger. The darkness that seeped through, biting down on him and not wanting to let go, trying to drag him down completely with no trace to be left.

No clarity…

“Ben!” His mother suddenly called, pulling his gaze to her entering the room with a hopefulness in her eyes. “It’s a message from Lando...from y/n.”

Ben instantly dropped what he was doing and rushed to follow behind his mother, hearing Mara and Chewbacca trial behind as well until they returned to the cockpit where the first thing he noticed was a small hopeful smile on his uncle Luke’s face, as he like Ben’s parents gathered around the comm with C3P0’s voice speaking out.

“Oh I feel so honored that master y/n, would trust me with such important information. I do hope she’s well—”

“Threepio.” Ben’s mother cut off the blabbering droid sharply. “The information.”

“Oh right,” the droid exclaimed, “Master Calrissian sent a personal message to me from Master y/n that only reads “05251977-05251983, Wing B”. It looks to be some coordinates. Oh, by the force what could it mean?”

The group inside looked at one another to try and understand the small piece of information, not grasping right away until Mara pointed it out. “It coordinates to the star destroyer she’s on.”

“Exactly,” Leia added excitedly, “and the last piece of information is where she is on the ship.”

Han chuckles, “that’s my girl! Smart like her uncle.”

Luke scoffs from where he sits but adds nothing but a narrowed gaze shot at Han.

“Okay, goldenrod thank you so much for your help,” Han shouted out to comm as his finger hovered the button to turn it off after adding one last thing before the droid could speak up. “bye!”

The cockpit falls in silence for a long tense moment that Ben breaks seconds later with a final happy smile, “we found her.”

A/N- a little drop of jealous Luke because Han called Luke’s daughter his girl 😌 lmao anyway hope you all liked and be ready for what’s to come :)

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