#i listened to cellophane that's where all this is coming from

[supermusicallee]

fka twigs & jenny slate both got bullied a lot for simply dating pattinson & evans, AND they probably never even deserved those women anyways

#it's INSANE to me that people looked at those relationships and went ugh what is that ugly woman doing next to my imaginary boyfriend?? #i know capt america didn't deserve 'im a turtleneck as a person' #i KNOW rpattz didn't deserve “why don't i do it for you when all i do is for you?” #i KNOW #i remember lily collins getting crazy hate for dating tay lautner #everyone was calling her ugly too #LILY COLLINS? UGLY? #some 'fans' don't know how to be human #i listened to cellophane that's where all this is coming from #ALSO #if anyone --let alone some strangers on the internet who claim to love me-- was calling my girlfriend all those nasty things #i would call them out so hard-- rip to edward and steve but i'm different #“they are hating‚ waiting‚ hoping i'm not enough” #god that song #and jenny saying i didn't understand why he found me beautiful i didn't want to be an experiment #ouch #OUCH #THE WORLD DOESN'T DESERVE THEM #*nr

[boygiwrites]

Harley D. Dixon 2

An amazing edit inspired by this story! (Cred to Cora_Line99) Harley D. Dixon's Pinterest Board! Harley D. Dixon's Playlist!

📖Chapter List.

Author's Note. Get ready for the first major change in the canon story-line hehe

Please enjoy reading! :)

"You want me to sing tonight, chicken?"

It's way past my bed-time. The sky looks like a giant film of blue cellophane above us, with millions of little white holes poked through. I pick out the shiniest one, 'cause that one's my Momma. Then I realise I gotta pick one out for Uncle Merle, now, too, so I pick the one right next to Momma's and wish him goodnight in my head.

After my Dad dragged all our stuff further into the woods, because we shouldn't sleep next to people we don't trust, we curled up in his camping chair and we haven't moved since. I'm wrapped up in a grubby gray blanket that I think used to be white, 'cause it's all we got, and I'm wearing two pairs of socks plus my Dad's jacket but it's still cold. I feel like a baby joey in a Momma kangaroo's pouch. Through the trees, I can see the main camp's fires all glittering like tiny orange fireflies and I can hear 'em all laughing. I think they're celebrating. Me and my Dad — We're mourning.

Tomorrow, they're heading back to the city to look for my Uncle Merle, even though we all know he's dead already. He's dead and he's gone and he ain't never coming back, so why does my Daddy wanna go get killed, too? Don't he know I need him?

"I don't wanna go to sleep."

"Well," He reminds me, "Sometimes it don't matter what little girls want. I'm sayin' it's time to sleep, so it's time to sleep."

If he wanted to talk about it, I'd tell him that I don't wanna go to sleep because it means that when I wake up, it'll be the day my Daddy either dies in the city or he doesn't, and then I'll be all alone forever. I don't wanna pick a star out for my Dad. But I don't tell him any of this.

"Now, you want me to sing, or not?" He asks me again.

"I said," And half-way through I'm huffing this out, I know I've made a mistake, but I keep goin', anyway, because at least if I make him super angry, he might wanna talk. Unlike Officer Rick, my Dad is easy to make angry. "I don't wanna go to sleep."

I feel his stomach fill with air underneath me. "Scuse me?"

I twist to face him. Half his face is glowing from the fire, and the other half is glowing just from how mad he is.

"I... don't... wanna," I spell it out real slow. That's what people do when someone's not listenin' properly. "Go... to... sleep."

I hear main camp laughing again. For just a second, I wish I was over there, instead.

I look my Dad in the eye. It's really hard.

"You lookin' for a spanking, Harley Dixon?"

"No," My voice wobbles.

"'Cause you keep back-chattin' me, that's where you're headed."

"But—"

"What I just say?"

I snap my mouth shut like a kettle lid. Does he even have the words in him? Do I gotta beat on his chest 'till they come flying out? Do I gotta kick and yell and scream 'till he can't hold 'em in anymore? What do I gotta do to make him talk? How am I meant to like it over here, in this lonely camp with no Momma and no Uncle and maybe after tomorrow, no Dad, neither?

"Quit that look, Harley Dixon. I'm warnin' you."

"No."

"You really gonna make me repeat myself?"

I snap.

"Maybe I'on care!" I shout. We're both shocked. Then, he's about to lay me over his knee and whoop me 'till I'm black and blue, but I don't stop for nothin'. "Maybe I'on give a crap! I said I don't wanna go to sleep, so why you makin' me? I don't wanna! Uncle Merle's dead! He's dead and you don't even care!"

"How can you say tha—"

"You don't care because you're goin' back to the city tomorrow and you're gonna die, and I'm gonna be alone again, and you don't even care! Uncle Merle is dead! Just like Momma, he's dead!"

"We don't know that, Harley."

"Yeah, we do! Rick killed 'im, and now he's dead."

"That ain't true. Harley, you listen—"

He grabs my arms, but I smack him away. He gets angrier.

He points a finger in my face. "Do not fuckin' hit me, girl."

"I'on care."

Now he really grabs me, and it's so tight I can't smack him at all, or wriggle, or even look away. I see two miniature versions of our campfire in his eyes, burning away. It's a familiar look. I start to cry. I wish I wasn't here. I wanna be in main camp, where they're laughing.

"You stop this bullshit right now, Harley." He says, low. "I don't know what's gotten into you, but if it don't stop right this second, you're gonna regret it. You understand? Don't you ever hit me again. I'm leavin' tomorrow, and that's final."

"But why?"

"'Cause I'm choosin' to believe in yer Uncle Merle. You heard what all them said. There's a chance he ain't dead, and that's a chance I'm gonna take, because I'm a Dixon. Dixons look out for each other." He gives me a little shake. "If it were either one of us in that city, he'd be raisin' Hell on his way there already. Now, I don't wanna hear another word outcher mouth 'bout this. No more tears, neither. Got it?"

It's still not good enough. I want more.

"You wouldn't go back for Momma." I mutter, before I even realise that's what I've chosen to say. Somehow, that's the worst thing I've told my Dad all night, and I didn't even need to shout it. We stare at each other for a bit. "You wouldn't go back for her. You killed her."

I promised I'd never bring it up again, but there it is. I said it.

I think I might throw up again.

Just like that, our argument is over. He doesn't say anything, and then I don't say anything, either, and the not-saying-anything keeps going until we're back to sitting against each other in silence. The moon is high in the trees, now. One by one, the orange blips in the distance die. The chatter gets quieter and quieter until it's gone, and then me and my Dad are truly alone. He holds me tight, but it doesn't feel nice like it did before. It just feels like we're back to square one, because we are, and everything is a little to the left. Like when you get a pebble in the corner of your shoe, and you gotta walk a little funny to pretend it's not there, but it is, and you can feel it, and you hate it.

"You want me to sing for you, chicken?"

This time, I just say yes.

I watch the cube van drive into the distance until it's a white speck.

Dale stands next to me, even after everyone else has shuffled back to camp. "You've probably heard this from ten other people by now," Dale says, holding onto the strap of his heavy sniper rifle, "But your Dad? Well, he's going to be just fine. Toughest man in camp, I'd say."

My Dad, he's tough as nails, and he could shoot a walnut off a fencepost from a mile away, but he's also just a man. He's just skin and bones and blood like everyone else, like me, like deer and squirrels, and a bite from a dead person will kill him just the same. I don't say this to Dale.

He doesn't seem to mind. "Do you remember your first day here?"

A strange thing to ask. 'Course I remember. "What about it?"

"Things were a little more desperate, back then. We'd just ran out of our last tin of beans. People were hungry. I remember your Dad spent the whole morning telling people to leave him alone, because everybody was just begging him to go hunting. I think I did, too." Dale laughs. "One by one, he shot them all down. We were all so sure we'd have to start rationing. Then, the next morning, I go to wash my face behind the RV, and what do I see? Your Dad, dinged up and covered in sweat, dragging this... just... huge, simply huge... deer, into camp. I was gobsmacked. I remember thinking, 'who on Earth could have possibly convinced this stubborn man to go hunting'? Then, later in the day, I see him handing you a bowl of fried deer meat, happy as a clam, and that's when I knew he did it all for you. Tooth and nail, he made sure you were fed. And that's how I know he's coming back."

I think about all the times my Dad's done somethin' like that for me, like with Ronnie, and I feel a little better. My Momma once said my Dad would crawl back out of Hell on hot coals for me, and that I should never forget that. I feel bad for forgetting.

"I didn't tell him I love him, before he left." I admit to Dale. "I was real mean to him last night. I wish I told him."

"That's okay," Dale bumps my shoulder, and when I look up, there's a smile in his white beard. He winks. "I think he knows. Dads always know."

Something about Dale's cheeky attitude makes me giggle. I think I believe him.

"Now, lucky for us, we're certainly not short on food around here anymore. So, how about we go get you some breakfast?"

The day goes by like it always does, 'cause it don't know any better.

I can see Amy and Andrea fishing from the bank of the lake. Their boat looks like a little grain of salt in the middle of a giant green coin.

I'm up to my knees in the water. I'm trying to catch frogs. I'm missing. Shane and Carl are here, too, because even though we ate a whole sleeve of cheese and onion crackers for breakfast, Officer Shane says frog legs are gonna be all the rave, soon, when the peaches and jerky run out. We told him that's super gross, but he just smacked his lips and told us to grab our hats. We gotta do things like this, now. Things like sharing one tube of toothpaste, and only using two squares of toilet paper when you gotta go, and the adults gotta try and make it sound fun. 

I hear Carl somewhere down the rocks, going awww and man 'cause he keeps missing, too. All I know 'bout Carl is he can't spell 'adventure'.

"Hey, man, it happens. How you doin' over there, Harley?" Officer Shane asks me. "You managed to catch any of the little suckers yet?"

"No, not yet." I say. "But I can see 'em."

When we first got down here, Shane asked us kids to provide a little muscle for him. Shane's got plenty of muscle, already. He was just kiddin'. He does that a lot, and his laugh is real loud. He also gives high fives that knock you on your butt, and he's got a heavy walk and a dog tag. I think he must have taught little league, or somethin', before, 'cause he talks like a teacher. All fun and games, but also lots of rules. Like how if you say a bad word, he flicks you on the ear and tells you to mind your language.

I'm still not used to any of these people talking to me. I think they're just glad I ain't biting and hitting on them, anymore.

"How many's in there?" Shane wades over to me.

The only reason I trust Shane is because he's an adult, and adults can be trusted.

I count the frogs. "Um... Three."

"Three? Hm, talk about a gold mine, huh?" He laughs and, yep, it's real loud. "Let's see if I can't help you out here."

He sets our bucket down, which has two wet frogs slipping around inside it.

He rubs his hands together. "C'mon, girl. Let's catch us some frog legs."

He says they eat frog legs in France. I never knew that before today. French people are weirdos.

"You gotta get 'em quick, 'cause they're quicker." I warn Shane. It's something my Dad says 'bout squirrels and possums, so I say it now, too.

"Sure are." Shane agrees. "How 'bout I scare 'em out, and you try grabbin' one?"

"With my hands?"

"What? You plannin' on using your feet?" Shane grins, and he splashes me. I giggle. "C'mon. Get ready."

Officer Shane rolls up his blue sleeves. I take three long steps backward and squat a little, like I'm playin' basketball or somethin', and then Shane grabs the metal bucket and clangs it against the rocks, and all three of the fat froggies come bursting out into the water like wind-up toys. I almost panic — almost — but that's what idiots do, so I steel myself, which means I'm not an idiot. I lunge at the closest frog and wrap my hands around the green blob it makes under the ripples.

When I pull my hands out, I realise I've caught it. It's real wriggly and its skin is cold.

I jump a little, smiling wide. "Look, Shane! I got one!"

"Way to go, Harley!" Shane says, and if I pretend hard enough, it sounds like my Dad's accent praising me instead. "Look at you!"

I drop the frog in the bucket. I hear cheering, and when I look out, I see it's Amy and Andrea. They're clapping. I guess they were watching. Carl comes hopping over, too, and tells me I did a good job. I know he's a bastard cop, and I know his friend murdered my Uncle, but maybe Shane ain't so bad. He makes me miss my teachers. Maybe this group ain't so bad. Maybe, maybe, maybe.

We call it a day after that, and we squeeze out all the water in our clothes on the gravel shore.

"C'mon, y'all," Shane says, "Time to haul butt back to camp."

What he really means to say is ass.

The sky goes from blue to purple, and soon, it'll be black.

We're gonna have a feast tonight. A fish feast.

Dale, who's sitting up on the RV, because he's like a barnacle on a boat, reads us a poetry book while we scrape scales off of fish with plastic spoons. After the book runs out, we pop cassettes in the radio. It's nothin' like what my Dad listens to. It's too nice.

I try really hard not to think about my stomach. It hurts real bad, which is what happens when you're nervous. I realise, a little guiltily, that I almost haven't thought about my Daddy or my Uncle Merle all day, until just now. I say sorry to them in my head, because I didn't do it on purpose, I promise. I was just focused on other things, like doing dishes, and getting my hair brushed by Lori, and strippin' fish skin. It was easy, during the day. But it's gettin' late, now, and every minute that goes by, I'm closer to being the only kid in camp with nobody to tuck me into bed.

I'm standing on a crate, which means I'm almost as tall as all the ladies. Makes me feel a little better. All women remind me of my Momma.

Maybe if I ask, Lori can tuck me in tonight.

"Hey, Harley, you're doin' real good over there." Jacqui tells me. The sun's on her shoulder. "Doin' better than me, at least."

I mumble a thank you, because it's good manners. I done dressed plenty of fish before. It's easy. Like peelin' bananas.

"Our Dad used to take us girls fishing all the time." Andrea tells us. "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, you name it. We were out on the water."

"Sounds fun," Lori says. "I always wanted to go fishing with Rick and Carl, but it never happened. We were indoor people."

Jacqui laughs. "Not anymore, you're not."

Lori makes a face. "You don't gotta tell me twice."

"What about you, Harley?" Asks Amy. "Your Dad ever take you fishing?"

There it is again; my stomach climbing up the back of my throat like a balloon. "Uh," I mumble. "Yeah. A lot."

Carol asks me, "You like it? Being on the water?"

"It's okay if you don't." Amy scrunches up her nose, smiling. "I was never that into it. Motion sickness 'n all."

I'm about to say no, I didn't like it, but something stops me. It's true, I never liked stabbing the alive worms on the hook, or gettin' sunscreen smeared all over my face, or carrying all them heavy buckets full of crayfish and bluegills back to the truck, but that doesn't matter. I was with my Dad. And I liked that. So, "I liked it," I say. "We went every weekend, in Dad's boat. It was sorta old, but he liked it a whole lot. He let me name it."

Lori smiles. Lori loves when people tell nice stories. "What'd you choose?"

"I named it after our old dog." I tell her. Hey, I'm smiling. "His name was Tank. So, Dad's boat was, 'The Tank'."

Lori pouts. She loves animals, too. "Aw. That's nice. We had a dog."

"What was his name?"

"Fido," She scoffs. "You can thank Carl for that one."

"I can't imagine Daryl lettin' anybody tell him what to do," Amy chuckles. "He's always so grouchy."

Dale must be eavesdropping, because he leans over his fold-out chair and calls down to us, "Now, now, remember that time with the deer?"

The story he told me this morning, to make me feel better.

All at once, the women start giggling together, and nodding, yes, they do remember that time with the deer. I catch it, like a stomach bug, and I start giggling, too, because I guess it is kinda funny. My Dad, with his squinty eyes and angry mouth and big, scarred fists, doin' whatever I tell him to. I never saw it like that, because it's always the other way 'round. For the first time today, I'm thinking of my Dad, and it doesn't hurt, not one bit.

"Like a gaggle of geese over there," Shane shakes his head from the fire. He's laughin', too. Bunch of eavesdroppers, these people. "Get back to work!"

"Yes, sir!" Andrea salutes, rolling her eyes.

We can't stop giggling.

The fish fry is, basically, a family barbeque.

My dinner is hot, and greasy, and it's even got yellow rice and onions in it, like takeaway. Takeaway is always good. Around the fire, all I see are happy faces and all I hear are jokes, and gasps, and laughter. They're talking about college, and how Lori used to wear the ugliest skirts, and how, yes, Shane can confirm, he was there to see it and, no, it wasn't pretty. When I look through the trees, I imagine me and my Daddy's sad little camp on the other side, abandoned. I was right. It is better over here. I hope he would think so, too.

"W— Hey! They were in style, back then!" Lori holds her fork up, like a pointing finger. "Everyone was wearin' them!"

"Oh, I remember." Shane shakes his head. "N— No, listen, I remember, alright! So short it was like a damn belt!"

Amy slides off her tennis shoe and launches it at Shane's legs. "You can't argue with fashion, Shane!"

He laughs. "Oh, that's what that was? Fashion?"

"Hey, I got some pretty nasty pictures of you with that damn perm on your head, so you might wanna quit while you're ahead." Lori sasses.

We all picture Shane with a mop of curly poodle hair, prolly posing like He-Man, and we all roar with laughter again.

Up until the very last grain of rice gets eaten, we talk about everything and anything, because stories are all we got to give each other anymore, Dale says. Dale talks about how he planned to take a trip around the state with his wife, in their RV, but she passed away before it could happen. So, when the world ended, he was in a gas station, buying ice creams and lookin' at maps, 'cause he was doin' the trip on his own. He says he's glad that all the small decisions he's made in life has led him to this quarry, with these people. Everybody calls him a sap, but he gets a side-hug from Jacqui. He smiles over the fire at me. Andrea and Amy talk more about their Dad.

I talk about the tyre swing I used to have, in my yard. Shange suggests building one here, too.

Jim talks a little about his old job as a mechanic. Morales talks about how much he misses his recliner.

"Aw, man, I'm telling you," He groans, like he's in a deep, deep pain. "It was remote-controlled, and it had blue-tooth, and everything."

Shane slaps him on the back. "Too bad the world ended; Had to get off your fat ass!"

More and more warm, silly laughter.

It's around us kid's bed-time when Dale checks his watch.

The other kids all complain straight away, but we get dragged away, anyway. I can hear my Daddy's voice in my head, telling me sometimes it don't matter what little girls want. Lori and Carol take us around the back of Shane's Jeep, where all the bathroom stuff gets kept, like the gallon jugs of water, the towels, and stuff Glenn brings back from runs. We brush our teeth, and splash our hair with water, and use baby wipes on our armpits.

I can see the tippy-tops of the city's tallest buildings from here, like skinny black popsicle sticks in the smog. I keep lookin' back, for my Dad.

I'm lookin' right now. Everyone else is trying to find Sophia's hairbrush in one of the bags, but I'm not helping. I can't look away.

There's a figure, stumbling up the road.

At first, I think it's my Dad, somehow. When you're expecting somethin' so much and for so long, and with all your heart, it's the first thing you think of. Even if it makes no sense. If they were really back, they'd all be together; Glenn, T-Dog, Daddy, and Rick, because my Daddy would make them all stick together, 'cause he's smart like that. But the shadow's alone. And he's got a limp. Just a little one. He hop-shuffle-hop-shuffles closer to us. No, no it's not my Dad. There's no crossbow; no big boots, no backpack. The shoulders aren't wide enough. Actually, the shoulders aren't wide at all. They're droopy. Too droopy, like they're... like they're melting off the bone, like hot cheese melts off pizza.

I hear a gurgle through the night. That's when it all makes sense.

"Walkers!"

And one second after that, the fish feast goes to Hell.

Someone snatches my wrist. We go rushing back into camp, where there's people, and lights, and noise. And shouting. Lots and lots of shouting; so much shouting it's like being stuck inside a beehive. I see flashes of legs and t-shirts and hands pulling me around, toward the bonfire. The bonfire must be brighter than a lighthouse out here, in the dark. Suddenly, I'm noticing everything wrong with the fish fry. The smells, the noise. I'm remembering my Daddy's rules, 'bout how loud is dangerous and dangerous is stupid and oh God — I can hear Amy shrieking like a piglet, near the RV. I hear shotguns pumping and bullets exploding and sloppy plops of skin falling of the dead people afterwards. I'm screaming.

The bag — The emergency bag, the one in our tent. I should grab it, right? That's what I'm supposed to do, right? So we can live?

"Lori!" Shane's hollering. "Carl! Harley! Where are you?"

"We're over here!" Lori cries.

"Start moving!"

Everywhere, everywhere, legs, legs, legs, all rotten and slimy and dead. Then, a gap, filled with darkness. The tent is out there. The bag.

I can make it. I know I can.

"Harley!"

That's Lori, screaming like she's never screamed before, because I just broke away from her, and I can feel something hot sliding down my arm, and it must be blood, 'cause she must have ripped my arm open with her short razor nails. I run straight for the gap in the wall of dead people, and I throw myself past them, like they're bowling pins and I'm the ball, and then I'm on the other side, in the dark, dark woods, running, running, running, all by myself. I remember the path to our camp. Big rock, little tree, old fence. It's all there, it's just covered in night.

I hear Shane yelling for me, and Morales, too, and more screaming, more dying.

A dead man slams into me. We go tumbling into the branches and the leaves, and then down a little hill, and then into a ditch. I smack his growling face away from mine, and I kick his stomach, and I wriggle away. The dirt is slipping away from underneath me, like dust, but the roots are easy to climb so I climb those, and the dead man follows me out. He's swiping at my ankles, scampering for my legs, slobbering on his lips.

His nails catch my arm.

I see the tent.

I'm running again, but only for a second. It's my pants. They're stuck. The dead man's grabbing onto them. I kick his fingers off.

"Get away," I grunt.

The pebbly ground barks under my shoes when I tear off again, and it only takes a couple heartbeats for me to reach my Dad's camping chair, and then the black fire pit, and then the truck, and then the tent. I rip open the zipper and fall inside. The bag, the bag, the bag. I scramble for my Dad's sleeping cot, and drop to my knees, and pat around all the spare shirts and pants and socks and blankets he's got stuffed under here, praying, please God, it's gotta be here, like he says it is. My fingers hit something soft, then something hard. A buckle. I grab. I pull.

It's the bag. It's the bag, with the compass and the rope and the matches. I did it.

A branch cracks. I look over my shoul—

The dead man crashes on top of me, all two hundred pounds, through the tent lining. He squirms against me like a finger in a glove.

I scuttle backward as fast I can, under the cot. The dead man flops and turns and twists until he finds the tent opening, and he slithers inside, 'cause he's a hungry animal and I'm his food. An electric lamp clicks on underneath my foot. The dead man's shadow gets projected onto all four of the tent walls; big, like the bogeyman. I hug the bag like a teddy bear and then that's it, and there's nowhere else to go. His fingers reach for me, and they look like big, black, dead spiders, all curled up. I see his face, now. It's shredded. It's beaten.

It's Sophia's Dad.

Something clamps around my shoe, and it's his teeth. A whole row of thick, white teeth. A bite.

I squeeze my eyes closed and hope my shoe's thick enough to keep me safe. There's nothin' else I can do.

Then, a great, big bang.

Then, hot, slippery puddles of blood, and little bits of neck and skin and jaw, splattered across my face. He slumps. Is it over? It's over? His head's cracked open like an egg, and his brains are leaking out like yolk. There's a bullet hole between my two feet. That means — That means someone shot his shadow, through the tent. Only someone with a very good shot could have made that, without killing me at the same time. I claw my way out from under all the blankets, and the body, and the cot. I can hear voices shouting, Oh Fuck, Oh God, and, Where are you, baby, and, If you hit my daughter, I will fucking end you.

The electric lamp flutters off.

The tent is ripped open. 

I look up. I'm blinded by big, white circles of flashlight light. Someone gasps.

My chin crumples 'cause I'm crying, like a little baby.

Rick's standin' there, Sherriff's hat on, revolver smoking. Shane's there, too, wild-eyed, and very, very sweaty, with a shotgun. There's Glenn, panting. They look at the blood on the blankets, and the blood on my face, and their dead friend on the floor, with half a head. Then, they see the scratches on my arm, and for some reason, some of them look like they're about to throw up all over themselves. But the person in front, the person that got here first, that's my Dad. It's my Dad, and he's alive. He doesn't even stop to look, like the others. He doesn't care.

"Harley," He chokes, like he's been punched, and he drops to his knees in front of me. He presses me into his chest. He's alive. He's alive. 

I'm alive.

"Daddy," I cough-sob, 'cause I can't help it.

I only ever call him Daddy instead of Dad in my head, or when I'm really, really upset.

He must notice, 'cause the hug gets tighter; safer. "Baby, I'm here. You're alright. You're alright. S'alright, now."

I bury my face in his sweaty, stinky, dirt-smeared neck, and I never wanna come back out. I sob and I sob and I sob, and I sob some more. He pets my hair and shushes me, like how he does when I get nightmares. We rock back and forth. I sob, sob, sob.

Someone says my Dad's name real weird, like they're boutta keel over, and only then I remember me and my Dad aren't the only two people in the world. Footsteps crinkle on the tent canvas. Someone kneels next to me. It's Rick. He takes off his hat and sucks in a breath, glances at the others — He steels himself — and then he gently grabs my green sleeve, and I wriggle into my Dad, who's lettin' him do this, and he slides it up my arm. Fresh claw marks, and blood, pouring down my skin. We stare at my arm for a long time. They glance at Sophia's Dad. Why are we staring at my arm?

I look at Rick. I look at Glenn; at Shane. I look at my Dad. He's gone white as a ghost.

"Harley, what is that?" He whispers to me.

I look back at my arm. It's just some stupid scratches. I wipe 'em away, 'cause I want 'em gone. "It's nothin'."

"Harley," He says again, this time with a very clear, very angry, no-nonsense voice. "You look me in the eye. What is that?"

Something is very, very wrong.

Glenn has to walk away.

"Wh—?" I shake my head, sniffing. Why do I feel like I'm in trouble? I didn't do nothin' wrong. "It's nothin'. Lori, she scratched me."

"It was Lori?" Rick raises his eyebrows, like it's very, very important that I'm not lying right now.

I'm not lying. Rick, he's a liar, but not me.

"Uh-huh." I nod hard, so they believe me. "It was Lori. H— He got me, too, I think, but it don't hurt. I promise. He ain't do it too hard."

I didn't say the right thing.

They're all looking at each other. They're speaking without talking, and I don't like it.

"Daddy, what's goin' on?" I'm mumbling now, 'cause I only want my Daddy to hear me, 'cause I'm scared. I'm really scared. I don't know what I did wrong, and I don't know what they're thinking about, but I'm sorry, and I'll never do it again. I was so busy worrying about the teeth in my shoe that I wasn't thinking about anything else. I think I should've been, though, and I'm sorry I wasn't. I'm sorry. All I know is that I'm sorry. I don't know why, but I'm sorry. Daddy picks me up, even though he's told me over and over I'm too old for that, now. He's shuddering.

"We'll check Lori's nails." Rick tells him, nice and steady. His police-man voice. "If there's blood under them—"

"This bastard's got blood unn'er his nails!" Dad gives Sophia's Dad a hard kick in the head. I shriek. "The stupid fuck! It don't fuckin' matter!"

"It does matter. It does." Rick keeps saying. "We can't make any conclusions. Not 'til then. We just can't."

"You wanna talk 'conclusions', officer? Let's talk 'conclusions'."

"Daryl, we'll figure this out."

"How the Hell did y'all even let this fuckin' happen?" Dad yells. "You're like a fuckin' bad luck charm, you people!"

"This is nobody's fault." Rick says, but he sounds like he knows he's lying.

I can hear people panicking far away, back at camp, in whispers. Glenn ran back there a few minutes ago.

"First my brother, now my—?" Dad cuts himself off. He's about to cry.

Nobody's got anything to say.

We listen to the sounds of leaves rustling and crickets chirping and the distant yelling and the breeze and my Daddy's big strong heartbeat, which is goin' buh-bump, buh-bump, buh-bump under my ear, real, real fast.

Shane steps forward, but it's all over already.

This is what it was like the night Tank got put down. I realise that I'm like Tank. Tank was dying. I'm a dying dog. The scratches on my arm, I get it now. They're from the dead man and they're from Lori at the exact same time, and until we know which it is, that means I'm dying. He scratched me — I remember, now. He got me. He did. I don't wanna be dying. I was alive just a second ago. I swear I was.

Unlike yesterday, Daddy doesn't bat Rick off when puts a hand on his shoulder. Something changed in the city today. I think we're all one team, now, even if my Daddy likes to bite and snap and blame. There's no more line between them and us. There's not two camps, anymore. Only one.

The stars are bright, tonight. I watch them twinkle over my Dad's head.

"If this happens," Daddy's voice cracks. "Every single one of you are gonna be real, real sorry."

Author's Note. Yep, you guessed it, Jim survives! And Harley is the one that gets attacked.

No more ominous hole-digging for you, Jim. Sorry.

Phew. This took a long time to write. I had to re-work almost every scene about four times, because some things just weren't working, and I had to delete some others. It all worked out in the end, though. Here we are with chapter two.

Please let me know what you think! :)

#the walking dead #twd fanfiction #twd #daryl dixon #parent daryl dixon #daryl dixon daughter #daryl dixon fanfiction #daryl dixon twd #rick grimes #angst #ao3 fanfic #fanfic #daryl dixon x reader

[fluentmoviequoter]

Surviving is Not Child's Play

Terrifying Tuesday, October 10, 2023

Fic-tober Masterlist

Summary: You and Dalton continue your game of "Can Josh Lambert survive horror movies?"

Warnings: fluff, spoilers for Child's Play (1988), brief description of an anxiety attack (Dalton), comfort, Josh slander?. 1.3k+ words

A/N: Terrifying Tuesdays are connected, so while this can be read as a standalone, I recommend reading "Surviving The Conjuring" first. Next week's will pick up where this leaves off. Hope you enjoy! :)

“What are we doing tonight?” Chris asks as she barges into your room.

“Dalton and I are going to Terrifying Tuesday. You can come if you want,” you answer, used to her lack of knocking and inviting herself in.

“Wait, isn’t Terrifying Tuesday the horror movie thing in the park?”

“Yep. We went to The Conjuring last week and he wanted to go with me this week too.”

Chris stares at you with a questioning look.

“What? I invited you last week, you said you were busy.”

“Dolphin Lambert is going to see, not just a horror movie, but another horror movie?”

“Yep. I didn’t think he’d like it, but he actually seemed to have a pretty good time. At least once we started talking about whether or not his dad could survive the events of the movie.”

Chris looks to the side for a second before laughing. “The Conjuring? Patrick Wilson looks like his dad.”

“Thank you!” you exclaim, glad someone else sees it.

“What did you decide? Because there is no way Josh would believe the house was haunted or whatever.”

“Oh, completely,” you agree as you gather your things. “It took him a while, but Dalton finally agreed; said his dad would be skeptical but would survive. I’m firm in my opinion that he’s not surviving tonight’s movie though.”

“Yeah, you still haven’t told me what it is,” Dalton says as he enters your room and pulls you into a side hug.

“Child’s Play,” you say, smiling at Chris.

“Oh, Josh is dead the minute that doll shows up,” Chris proclaims. “Dolls,” she adds quietly, shuddering.

“That’s Chucky, right?” Dalton asks. You nod at him, and he shakes his head before saying, “My dad could survive. He wouldn’t get near that thing.”

“That’s the thing, Dolphin,” Chris whispers.

“You don’t have to,” you say along with Chris.

You feel terrible trying to scare him but need him to know you’re right. No matter what he thinks Josh would or would not do, he would not survive.

“We’re leaving, Chris. See you later,” you say as you let Dalton lead you outside.

Dalton slips his hands into yours, interlacing your fingers as you walk. His thumb rubs circles on the back of your hand, and you struggle to listen to him talk about his art assignment.

“Is this scarier than last week?” Dalton asks as you settle in the same area.

“Honestly, it depends entirely on how you feel about homicidal dolls.”

“That’s not helpful,” Dalton says severely, tugging your hand into his lap. “You’re supposed to say, ‘No, Dalton, this movie isn’t scary at all. We’ll be fine.’”

You furrow your brows and poke his chest as you say, “My voice isn’t that high.”

“Seriously?”

“Yes, Dalton,” you say, “we will be fine. Same as last week, if you want to leave, we can, and if you want to play with my hand or hair or anything, do it. This game is only fun when you’re comfortable.”

Dalton nods and shifts his focus to your hand, drawing intricate shapes on your palm as the crowd grows and the park lights dim.

‣‣

“Happy Birthday again, Andy,” Karen says onscreen, pulling the gift-wrapped package from the brown paper bag.

“Wow—” Andy begins before racing into the living room. He tears off the paper, revealing Chucky’s face smiling up at them through the cellophane top of the box. Andy’s face lights up as he exclaims, “A Play Pal. I knew it, I knew you’d get me one!”

As you did last week, you lean over and whisper, “Dead.”

Dalton shakes his head and continues his artistic ministrations up your arm. You suppress a shiver at the feel of his fingers on your bare skin and focus on the movie.

‣‣

Maggie steps into the kitchen, flipping on the light. A sugar bowl lies broken on the floor, the white powder spread across the linoleum. 

She looks at it, mumbling, “How did that happen?”

The wall phone suddenly rings behind her, startling her. She whirls, grabbing it.

As Maggie talks to Karen, you look over at Dalton. He knows what you’re about to say and speaks first.

“My dad wouldn’t be in this situation.”

You roll your eyes and watch as Maggie is hit with the rolling pin and falls through the window.

“Your argument is invalid,” you whisper when Dalton pulls your arm closer.

“Mmhmm,” he mumbles thoughtlessly, pushing your sleeve out of the way to finish the artwork only he can see.

Dalton has barely looked at the screen, far more interested in the invisible painting he is doing on your arm. You’re not sure he’s paying attention to the movie, but as long as he seems content, you don’t care.

‣‣

Andy leaps off the windowsill of the cell, looking around desperately for some way to save himself. He upends the table, shoving it against the window and pushing the chair against the table to block the window. Chucky climbs onto the ledge outside Andy’s window to find himself facing the table. His face turns purple with rage.

Dalton’s fingers slow on your arm, and he inches closer to you as Chucky sticks his hand through the window before leaving.

“He’s here, doctor, Chucky’s here!” Andy cries.

The doctor stares through the port. He sees nothing but an empty room with all the furniture piled up against the window and Andy inside.

“I don’t see anybody,” the doctor states.

“But he’s here. Chucky’s here and he’s going to kill me!” Andy explains frantically.

The doctor tells an orderly to sedate Andy and continues walking down the hall. Andy stands on his chair, watching the doctor walk away with tears in his eyes.

“No, don’t leave me, please, don’t leave!” Andy yells, crying. 

 Dalton’s chest is pressed against your shoulder, and you feel his short breaths and racing heartbeat. Looking over quickly, you see his eyes bouncing between you and the screen.

“Dalton, what’s going on?” you ask quietly, turning to face him.

“Don’t leave me,” he whispers lowly.

You raise your hands to cup his face and smile reassuringly.

“Dalton, listen to me, I’m not going anywhere. This is just a movie, okay? Andy is fine and you are fine. I am never ever leaving you, Dalton. You’re stuck with me.”

Dalton nods slowly, leaning his face into your hands where you hold him.

“Sorry,” he mumbles into your hand.

“Don’t apologize,” you say. “Do you want to leave?”

Dalton shakes his head, so you drop your hands and sit beside him, wrapping your arms around him. His fingers return to your palm, tracing what you think is a heart.

‣‣

As Chucky meets his demise, Dalton’s attention is stuck on you. The park lights turn on, and Dalton stands first, pulling you to your feet.

“What’d you draw?” you ask, pointing to your arm.

Dalton shrugs. “Just random stuff: shapes, feelings.”

“Artistic,” you tease.

“I know you’re about to ask. My dad would survive because he would never buy one of us a Play Pal.”

“Not even Kali?” you ask, wondering if he said that because it’s a doll or he doesn’t like buying toys.

“Not the point,” Dalton says, answering your question: he would buy it for Kali because it’s a doll.

“It is the point!” you argue as his arm wraps around your shoulders. “Besides, Andy’s mom bought it for him. So, let’s pretend that Renai bought you a Play Pal and it turned murderous. Would your dad believe you or get killed?”

Dalton sighs and says, “Get killed.”

Dalton knows his dad can survive at least one more of the Terrifying Tuesday horror movies. He tells you as much, and you laugh, leaning into him.

“Next week isn’t a movie, it’s a series marathon. And he’d die before it started; no way Josh Lambert survives the apocalypse.”

“You have no faith in my dad,” Dalton says, pulling you closer.

“Do you?”

“I lose more every time I let you talk to me.”

#fluentmoviequoterfictober23 #dalton lambert x reader #dalton lambert fluff #dalton lambert fic #dalton lambert imagine #dalton lambert #insidious #insidious the red door #fem!reader

[shrekisourlord9]

I asked my phone's AI to write emails from will wood this is definitely how he acts in real life

Subject: YOU! The Glad He Plastic Overlord. (Read with urgency)

Listen up, sunshine, because you're about to witness a milestone. A monumental achievement in the grand tapestry of human failure. Yeah, that's right. We've hit a wall, literally. Well, metaphorically too, but mostly literally. Think Edward Forty-hands, but with a drywall incident and a severe lack of friends.

Now, here's the crucial part. This blackout's got my creativity sparking like a broken EKG for a broken heart. But inspiration's a fickle mistress, and mine demands a specific sacrifice. Gladwrap. Every shimmering inch of that heavenly plastic you possess.

Don't even think about trying to see the glass as half full. I'll probably just drink that too. This ain't a request, it's a commandment. Send it all. Every spool, every clingy embrace of that beautiful suffocation device. Consider it a contribution to the future of artistic expression. A monument to the tragedy of human existence, preserved in the shimmering embrace of Glad.

Don't make me come crawling over there, because with an enemy like me, who needs friends? Besides, I can barely touch anything these days.

Act swiftly.

Sincerely (not really),

Your glorified garbage collector (but for art!),

Will Wood (The Most Plasticized Version)

Subject: YOU! The PLASTIC-LESS HEATHEN. (This is a certified bruh moment)

There's a special kind of disappointment, sunshine, the kind that leaves you feeling like a deflated whoopee cushion at a funeral. That's exactly where I am right now, thanks to your abysmal lack of contribution to the artistic renaissance happening in my living room. Remember the Gladwrap? The monument to human desolation? Apparently, it went over your head faster than a mime at a juggling convention.

Look, I get it. Maybe you're one of those glass-half-full kind of people. The skip-hop optimists who think sunshine and rainbows can solve everything. Well, guess what? In the tragedy that is my life, the glass is half-empty, and the other half is filled with regret. And that regret is about to turn into some serious action.

Because let me tell you, there's a fine line between inspiration and homicidal rage. And right now, I'm teetering on the edge like a toddler on a tightrope made of dental floss. Don't tempt me to take the first step (get it?) towards oblivion.

Here's your second chance. Scour the deepest corners of your plastic-deficient pantry. Unearth every forgotten inch of Gladwrap you possess. Consider it an investment in your continued well-being. Because trust me, sunshine, the only thing more tragic than a life unfulfilled is a life cut short by a cellophane-wielding maniac with a penchant for show tunes.

Tick-tock. The clock is ticking faster than a metronome on double speed. Do the right thing.

(Not so) Sincerely,

Your artistic hostage-taker (with a flair for the dramatic!),

Will Wood (The One Who Will Not Be Disappointed Again)

#shitposting #will wood #gladwrap because why the fuck not

[1starqi]

Easy Talking

(Part 1: Chicken Scratch) (Part 2: Call On Silent) (Part 4: Over The Moon) (Part 5: No Messing Up) (Part 6: Can We Talk?) (Part 7: Goldilocks)

genre: fluff, college!au

pairing: student!mark x student!o/c (this one can still be treated as x reader except i made m/c canadian because I can)

summary: you and Mark go on a date

wc: ~800

note: i dont know if mark is allergic to grass but it was funny (coming from someone who is allergic to grass) also this features haechan you can expect to see more of him too. also euna isn't real i just like the name, most of your friends are just gonna be names i like.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Where are you?” You query. He told you that he’d meet you at Banpo Hangang Park at 14:00, but it’s 14:20 and you're having trouble finding him. Banpo Hangang Park is situated along the Han River. It's a popular destination for first dates, yours included. It's the perfect weather with a temperature of 74 degrees and just the right amount of sunshine. You spent nearly two hours with Eunchae, carefully selecting the perfect outfit for the occasion. Little did you know, he devoted even more time to choosing his own clothes. You adjust the straps of your Savoy blue striped romper.

“I’m right by the big fountain near the water. I see you, you’re wearing a blue baseball cap, right?”

“Yeah—oh! I see you!” As you press the red hang-up button, you accelerate toward him. 

Two things immediately catch your eye about him. 

The first is that he's wearing your hat. It's not your hat, but it's an identical blue and has the same white stripe around the ventilation holes. How does he have that? The summer of your senior year, you purchased the hat from a pop-up shop during your trip to Toronto. The chances of him owning the same hat from the same pop-up shop are next to none.

The second thing is the beautiful bouquet of white, pink, and red tulips delicately arranged in its cellophane wrap, which is casually slung in his left arm. Your cheeks are beginning to warm and match the vibrancy of the flowers.

“Where’d you get the hat?” You amicably smile at him.

“I bought it near where I grew up—yo, wait. You have the same one?” He’s beaming now, he looks both equally stunned and charmed by your shared fashion. 

“Yeah! I got it on a trip before I left for college. You grew up in Toronto?” You ask him, wishing for more information. “I grew up in Edmonton.” You add.

“I never knew that! What’s your English name?” He's asking all the right questions that make the conversation flow easy. “These are for you, by the way.” He eagerly holds the flowers. His face mirrors his anticipation of your reaction.

You saw them already, but you’re still speechless. “Oh my gosh, thank you so much! That's so nice of you.” You quickly react to avoid prolonged staring at the man—even though you'd love to stare at him. You don’t think your words quite capture how struck you are by the gesture. You head to grab the flowers to put them in your tote and your hand brushes against his as you grab them—his hands are warm and it makes you flustered. “My English name is Quinn, by the way.” You mimic the final addition to his speech and it makes him laugh a little. “What’s your Korean name?”

“It’s Lee Minhyung.” When he smiles he looks like a cat. “Do you want to find a place to sit on the grass?” He subtly motions to the grassy section of the park, away from the tiled fountain. “I brought a blanket, don’t worry. I’m allergic to grass.” His comment makes you laugh a little. You appreciate his preparedness. The both of you traipse around to the lawn flanked by long, thin trees, still in the process of growing their summer leaves.

“Why’d you get coffee that late?” You strike up more conversation, and you’re excited to listen to anything he has to say.

“Oh, don’t remind me." He groans. "I had a dance project that I had to finish and needed a little extra fuel to get it due on time.” While making conversation, the two of you lay out the navy blue plaid blanket. It's very classic picnic-y.

“What was the dance project, if you don’t mind me asking?” You prod further.

“I was helping choreograph a piece for my dance team. You know Haechan, right? He’s on it. You should come to see us perform sometime.” You knew your best friend's, Euna's, boyfriend was on the dance team, but you didn’t know Mark was on it. Plus, he invites you to see him perform. The implications of this are obvious to you, he wants to see you again—despite the fact you just got here. This tells you maybe this could be more than temporary. Could it be? “Are you alright?” He says with regard, he noticed you gazing off into the river. 

“Yes, sorry. I was just thinking about what you said.” What you said is true, but probably not in the way he thinks. 

“No worries—just wanted to make sure you were okay.” It might have been the relaxed atmosphere (with the birds chirping and water lapping and all) or maybe it was the guy next to you (cute and kind), but the embarrassing situation didn't seem so embarrassing at all.

You eagerly dive into another conversation, “Anyway, what’s your major?”

#mark lee #mark #college au #fluff #nct fluff #kpop fluff #mark fluff #kpop fic #ff #writing #nct u fluff #nct 127 fluff #nct dream fluff #mark lee fluff #mark lee x you #haechan feature #qiqi writes

[honeybeedewdrops]

HI LOVE. Ok so i’m obsessed with rooster, like OBSESSED. and i was thinking maybe you could do a fic where “diamond” (her call sign) is a very well known pilot, and she comes to the hard deck, everyone knows her. and she is the it girl. but Phoenix dares her to sing a song at the piano, and she never backs down from a dare, so she sings her song (whatever song you want) and she’s like super good, everyone’s impressed, and rooster just instantly falls in love. i love the name lucy, and the call sign makes sense with the song “lucy in the sky with diamonds”. ANYWAY- this was so long but i would love to see it<3

A/N: Yes! I love this. I worked on this for a long time so I hope you enjoy.

_____________________________________________________________

I pull up to the Hard Deck and I can hear it's already full and buzzing with life. I step out of my car and walk into the bar "Diamond" "Hey Diamond" "Lucy" I heard many people greet. "Hey guys" I say waving and shaking hands with many people before walking up to Penny. "Hey Pen" "Diamond hey it's been a while" "I know been a bit busy but can I get my usual" She nods and pops the cap off before handing me the beer. I thank her handing her my card and walking off "Diamond" I hear I look up and see Phoenix waving me over. "Hey what's up. Good to see you thanks for the invite" and I hug her "yeah of course" "Diamond" I turn around and see Hangman "Bagman" "Hangman" He corrects.

I greet Fanboy, Payback, and Bob before picking up a pool que. "who'd playing" I ask "I will" Phoenix says. Phoenix and I were playing I listen to Hangman talk about someone named Rooster. "Weird callsign. What did they have to do to get stuck with a name like Rooster" "That's a story for another time" a voice I had never heard before. I turned and saw a man in a Hawaiian shirt "Rooster what a surprise i didn't think you'd show" Phoenix says "Oh you know me I could never turn down drinks" he says.

After I crushed Phoenix in 9 ball she went to get a new drink. Rooster then walks up to me "I'm Rooster" he says holding out his hand "so i've heard. i'm Diamond" I say shaking his hand "Interesting name how'd you get it" "That is another story for another time" I say walking away to the boys who were sitting around on the chairs. Phoenix joins us with Rooster not far behind.

"Let's play truth or dare" Phoenix says "Truth or dare really? what are we middle schoolers" I say. "What you scared. Is little Lucy scared" Hangman says "Fine let's go Phoenix truth or dare" I ask "woah, woah, woah who said I was going first" I smirk "It was your Idea" I say "Fine Truth" "Boo boring but fine. Who out of all us would you fuck" she groans before taking a drink. "Damn getting straight to it" Fanboys says "hey I don't hold back" I say as Phoenix looks right at me "Diamond truth or dare" I smirk "Dare" "I Dare you to play your oh so famous song" I stand up going to the piano. Man Phoenix your good you know my weakness but I never back down from a dare.

I take a deep breath as the nerves come in. I wipe my hands before playing the familiar notes.

Picture yourself in a boat on a river With tangerine trees and marmalade skies Somebody calls you, you answer quite slowly A girl with kaleidoscope eyes

I start I make eye contact with Phoenix and she whoops making me blush a bit.

Rooster stared in awe as the new girl sat down at the piano and started playing. She had the most beautiful voice ever and the piano playing. Rooster listen to the lyrics and watched her fingers dance across the piano in such an elegant matter. Then it hit Rooster he barley met this girl and he was already in love.

Cellophane flowers of yellow and green Towering over your head Look for the girl with the sun in her eyes And she's gone

Lucy in the sky with diamonds Lucy in the sky with diamonds Lucy in the sky with diamonds Ah

I continued to play the song and I looked around meeting Rooster's eyes and something bubbled inside me but I couldn't quite place it.

Ah Lucy in the sky with diamonds Lucy in the sky with diamonds Lucy in the sky with diamonds

I played and sang the last notes and once I was done the bar interrupted into cheers. I bow before gabbing my drink and taking a swig. "That was very good I didn't think you'd do it" Phoenix says "Oh come on Phoenix you know I never back down from a dare" she pats me on the back before walking away.

"I gotta say that was pretty good" Rooster says "Just pretty good I was amazing" I say flipping my hair. "Ok you're right that was amazing" "why thank you Rooster" "Bradley" "what" I ask confused "My name is Bradley" "well Bradley nice meeting you but I gotta bounce" I say going to leave. "wait would you maybe want to get coffee some time" I smirk "Sure" and I walk away "wait how will I contact you" "Check you pocket" and I leave.

#bradley bradshaw #top gun maverick #bradley rooster bradshaw #top gun #rooster imagine #miles teller #top gun rooster

[saltygilmores]

Thoughts While Watching Gilmore Girls: S1/Ep19 ("Emily In Wonderland")

What happens in this episode: Emily comes to visit The Hollow and leaves upset over what she learns. Rachel unearths the ruins of the old Dragonfly Inn while working on a boring photography project about Small Town America that nobody really cares about. Rory's peculiar food habits continune to be revealed. Lorelai asks to borrow Luke's thingy/admires his pickle. Lorelai's desire to see Luke & Rachel break up is more transparent than a sheet of cellophane. There are only two episodes left in Season 1 after this.

Emily: There are no baby pictures of Lorelai (because when Lorelai was 7 she burned them). Rory says I bet Mom was a cute baby and Emily agrees. What the hell was this then:

They spent a good few minutes in that episode (6 or 7 I think?) looking through Lorelai's baby photo albums. I commented that this didn't look like a photograph taken in the late 60's. The Gilmores just ordered pancakes and bacon and there were no lectures from Luke about the evils of red meat so I guess they've dropped that trait of his. Rachel: Lorelai has amazing eyes. Don't you think? Luke: Yeah. They're...placed good. Symmetrical. Rory's pager goes off: RG: I'm buzzing. LG: What did I say about buzzing in public? Dirty joke #1.

I am hysterical over Rory eating a slice of french toast on the run. Who does that? I could even see a waffle, maybe, but French toast? And you mean to tell me there was no syrup or butter on it either? She eats plain French toast? It's no "taking a can of Parmesan cheese into her room" from the previous episode or "eating two plain slices of white bread for lunch" (from a future episode), I admit, but still, that girl is very peculiar. Rory mentions again that she works at the Independence Inn several days a week and on special occasions. Ugh, stop lying, French Toast Girl.

The former Gilmore Abode (the infamous potting shed). Emily is just finding out that this is where Rory used to live as a child and she reacts, very upset over what she's learned. I initially thought that perhaps this was a sign of her feeling guilty, that she could let Lorelai and Rory slip away from her and end up living in such a place, but later she turns it around to accuse Lorelai of letting it happen. Rachel gives Lorelai a tour of Luke's apartment, and I think this is the first time we see the inside of it. LG: "I haven't been picturing the inside of Luke's apartment...at all." Nope you totally haven't been picturing what his bed looks like and what you want to do in it. Rachel to Lorelai: I cannot find your pictures here (in Luke's apartment). Maybe they're in his bathroom. Lorelai: I don't know want to know why. Dirty Joke #2! And what a filthy one it was! I love when they slip them in! #ThatsWhatSheSaid Emily's reacts to the discovery about the shed by trying to make it up to Rory (and to try and make Lorelai feel bad). So she sets up her vision of a teenage girl's dream bedroom. A flowery pink bedroom with stuffed animals, Hello Kitty, and boyband posters, even though Rory would rather walk over hot coals than ever listen to pop music.

Someone who is not a Millennial such as myself could never understand the utter joy this exchange brings me. Backside Boys 4ever, by the way. Rory chooses N'Sync, because of course French Toast Girl would pick them over the Backside Boys. (I love all three groups).

Tomatos Sign: Spotted. Season 1, Episode 19: Luke Danes asks Lorelai Gilmore: "Do you want some coffee?" That's the stupidest question I've ever heard since Jack Pearson asked Rebecca Pearson "Am I cute enough to get lucky?" Another first: The first time we see the stock room. Some of the contents of the stock room? Potatoes, oranges, A1 sauce, Spam, Pop Tarts, chilli, apple sauce, gravy, rice, tomato sauce, and a fuckton of mustard and pickles.

I think she wants your pickle Luke.

Notice the giant box of Pop Tarts on the left. Have you ever heard of a restaurant serving Pop Tarts? Well, this is The Hollow, where people eat slices of French Toast as snacks.

And the people would wait impatiently for the day Lorelai finally borrowed Luke's thingy.

If Taylor wasn't embezzling funds for bridge repair festivals maybe he could fund the construction of a proper movie theater.

Boyband posters in frames. Oh you fancy Emily. Mere mortals of the day like me just scotch taped those fuckers to the wall and hoped they wouldn't fall down in the middle of the night and scare the piss out of us. Lorelai: Do you see the NSync poster? It's a poster of Justin, not Nsync. I'm legally obligated to point that out. JC Chasez was way more talented btw. Things Lorelai observes in the room: Hello Kitty notepads, Cosmo Girl magazine, boyband posters, sunflowers. With each item she names, the resentment in her voice grows. LG: "Well, at least you didn't buy her a car." I couldn't decide if I wanted to make a "you built me a car?" joke or comment on how the Gilmores do buy her a car a few years later. I presumed was Emily was feeling some sort of guilt or shame (and trying to alleivate the guilt by making a cozy home away from home for Rory), was sort of incorrect. Instead she turns on Lorelai, angry at her that she would ever allow her grandaughter to live in a shed, and that Lorelai would choose to live in a shed than with her mother. The episode ends with Sookie and Lorelai visiting The Dragonfly, where Sookie has a panic attack over the thought of opening an Inn. The Good: The Nostaliga! Oh, the Nostalgia! Lots of dirty jokes! Rory's bizarre eating habits continue to amuse me. The meeting of Emily and Mrs. Kim was entertaining. No Dean. Not even a mention of Dean. Hooray! The New: The first plot seed is sown for Lorelai & Sookie's eventual purchase of the Dragonfly Inn. The first time we see the potting shed. The first time we see the inside of Luke's apartment and his stock room. The confusing: Emily says there are no baby pictures of Lorelai left, but according to episode 6, there's at least one. Rory says she has a job and that is not true. The Bad: Nothing at all. Tomatos Sign: Yes How Many Episodes Until Jess Shows Up: 7

#gilmore girls #lorelai gilmore #rory gilmore #emily gilmore #Denise Rewatches Gilmore Girls #Luke Danes #Gilmore GIrls Season 1 #Emily In Wonderland #French toast

[bambi-kinos]

my impressions of Revolver (2022)

Re-posting from the McLennon Discord Server.

First listen through the remixed tracks reinforces my impression from when I was 9 years old. This album has its bright moments but it's very much a morbid album that is very obsessed with death and loss, it's borderline hateful without actually crossing into that territory. Now that I know what I know, I think this is also where you can hear John's mind slipping off the edge of that cliff, forget Janov, this is when his primal screaming started. Dude is ready to start hammering nails into his temples, he's vomiting blood all over these songs. Paul is trying to help but he just isn't strong enough. George wants them to push them along and Ringo is his background presence but you can feel John unraveling through out.

Revolver is a much more psychedelic album than Sgt. Pepper, it's actually vocalizing all the negative effects of LSD and other trippy drugs before John tried to throw that into reverse with Sgt. Pepper with the silly cellophane skies and marmalade flowers.

1) Taxman--

Lots of texture with the prominent bass and you can actually hear what Ringo is actually fucking doing. Want to have sex with this song. Don't have much to say about the actual message because I don't know much about that period of British politics, except that it's taking place close to the time that the Rolling Stones said "fuck this" and took off to France to record The Basement Tapes which is an indictment in of itself.

2) Eleanor Rigby--

Favorite trance since I was 8 and first saw Yellow Submarine. The melancholy and grimness + the movie visuals always sticks with me. I think I was listening to this on repeat in 5th grade when all of my physical and mental problems caught up with me in a big way.

"All the lonely people..." where do we come from? Where do we belong? This always troubled because I knew Paul was singing about me, even then. Something about the song is very grotesque. Paul observes lonely people like we are zoo exhibits and he's taking field notes on us. He doesn't know what to do with us but he can't look away. He doesn't feel bad for us, he's just fascinated by the display like an ME doing an autopsy.

Beautiful strings, can finally differentiate the cellos from the violins. (I dated a cellist, this is important to me.) Been wanting that for over 20 years. I didn't hear much vibrato on those strings!

3) I'm Only Sleeping--

Identified with this song when I heard it, still do. I didn't understand this song as a kid but I still heard the sadness behind it and it spoke to me.

Sick bassline, love you Paul.

4) Love You To--

Not much to say about this. Sitar sounds fantastic. I skipped this track as a kid a lot, still not feeling it.

5) Here, There And Everywhere

The backing vocals are so clear, love hearing their voices meld, it's a precursor to the beautiful vocal blending in And Your Bird Can Sing. THe counter harmony sounds wonderful for the few seconds they did it, I wish John had had a longer harmony.

6) Yellow Submarine--

SHRIEKS You can hear all four of them!!! It's so cute!!! And you can hear that Ringo put on an accent with the "cut the cable, cut the cable" bit!

7) She Said She Said--

This one drew me in as a kid and I couldn't explain why. I think this is a more interesting psychedelic song than Lucy. You can hear "never been born" which is nice because up until this moment I thought it was "never belonged."

When I was a kid I thought this song was about John planning how he was going to commit suicide. It's a very suicidal and self harming song to the point that listening to this makes me wonder if John felt the urge to hurt himself in more direct ways? This is the kind of song that you cut to during your ritualized self harm sessions. Not everyone plays Sarah McLachlan.

In addition to that shithead Fonda ruining George's trip (because the Fonda family are spoiled and self serving shits who can't think of anyone but themselves) I just hear a lot of self injury here, this is someone who regularly imagines killing himself and is always looking for new ways to hurt himself with the perpetual hope that this time will provide the offramp. I wonder if the acid gave John insight into his desire for his own death and hearing "I know what it's like to be dead" triggered something in him.

I just can't hear this as anything but a self harming manifesto. It's not the lyrics, it's the melody and the harmony and how John is singing.

8) Good Day Sunshine--

One of my favorites, a little punch of sunlight. Good thing sunshine fits into the [checks notes] black and white theme of the album!

9) And Your Bird Can Sing--

Supposedly this is loaded with symbolism from John but while I don't dispute it I also don't really get it.

This isn't loaded down like She Said She Said or the upcoming tracks or even Eleanor Rigby. It's a cute melancholic song in a major key with an upbeat tempo. I don't think it's that deep.

10) For No One--

Revolver is a sad album full of sad songs about loss and dying and this is one of them.

11) Doctor Robert--

Catchy song, no notes. I don't know enough about the lore behind this song to make a judgment.

12) I Want to Tell You--

"It's only me" oh John.

Lovely piano here, discordant but it's pleasing. 13) Got to Get You Into My Life--

Desperation personified but very honest singing from Paul. I think this one is an insight into how he actually feels the same way She Said She Said is for John. Paul is pouring a lot of emotion into the song but it's not easily recognizable like Oh, Darling is.

It actually reminds me of Every Breath You Take -- that song gets played at every single high school prom even though it's about a stalker but the musicality disguises the lyrics. IMO this song + She Said She Said have the opposite where the lyrics disguise the negative emotions behind the song.

14) Tomorrow Never Knows--

Revolver is a better psychedelic album than Sgt. Pepper because this is where John guts himself and pours his intestines out onto the table instead of Sgt. Pepper where they tried to backtrack on all the negative stuff here. I'm sorry for the imagery but this track is John gutting himself. There's no dumb crap about cellophane and marmalade trying to make it dreamier and cuter than it actually is. I always thought this was a deeply violent song and as a kid never understood why the singer was going on about love on such a creepy track especially since he starts yammering about death.

I still feel that but I think that's the point. The song is the sound of a man laughing at you while he slowly tears out the contents of his mouth and trying to tell you no this is love it's fine just turn your brain off there's nothing bad happening promise. When I was 9 I would sing along and found myself grabbing my own tongue without thinking about it.

And then the ragtime piano at the end? Bruh. I like it but it's whack.

Listening through the additional tracks of the work sessions, I like them but don't have any special insights about them. John and Paul are cute.

#the music #revolver 2022 #revolver #the beatles #my meta #beatles meta #john lennon #paul mccartney #mclennon server #mclennon server bros.... #cw: self harm #cw: suicide

[theshehulkproject]

heck yes I’ll do that talking about music thing, thank you @luftnarp-writes-things

So my relationship with music over the last few years has been a little fraught. There’s the fact that I can’t play most of the music I own because the applications I used to use have all gone to a subscription model, the fact that for years I mostly listened to incredible swing music and then I got too sad to do it during the pandemic, and then… I’m not going to go into it here but boy do I wish someone had gif’d the guy from A Mighty Wind saying “I’ve come to realize the abuse was largely musical in nature.”

(the abuse was actually emotional in nature, but music was a weird tool my ex used to belittle me from time to time. Some songs like Dearly Departed by Shaky Graves and Esme Patterson I’m only just now starting to reclaim years on. Cellophane by FKA Twigs can go fuck itself forever I’m sorry to say.)

But! During this, the dark season, I have reactivated my Spotify subscription, and I am intentionally experiencing music once more. I’m chasing the Grinch’s heart growing three sizes feeling, and I’ll get there indeed.

My current recommendation is Brenton Wood’s Oogum Boogum album from 1967, which is full of ahead-of-their-time bangers. The Oogum Boogum song is SO good to dance to (a classic of late night Lindy hop events) and “Just Give me Some Kind of Sign, Girl,” is so much fun. Also there’s a song where he just kind of references all of the other songs on the album? It’s great.

I also have a couple playlists where I’ve created soundtracks for fictional Wes Anderson movies. 13 songs long and I feel like they both have an arc. I’ll expound more soon!

#presonal post #It’s been a while since I busted out that tag #but that’s what all these chatty posts will be tagged if anyone wants to block

[radioprune]

Noirhawk 🗣🗣🗣

hiiii della hehe okay so this was going to be largely inspired by the firesign theater's the further adventures of nick danger (REQUIRED LISTENING to understand me fundamentally as a person... los angeles... he walks again by night!) <- it's a spoof of radio noirs and my other favorite gag in it is "get your mucklucks out of the cellophane!" which was going to appear in it and which my family and i quote constantly. i'm just gonna copy paste my notes from the doc because i still kind of believe in them and would love to write them or for someone to steal them and write it so long as they let me know about it because i want to read it lol

Reworking welcome to korea somehow to emphasize their genre clash? Hawk is living in murder by death, pseudo columbo, seemingly just walks into the answer all the time through a series of coincidences meanwhile bj is in a gritty being screwed by always having to play by the rules cop drama. Hawk is OBVIOUSLY a PI bc he doesn’t play by the rules. BJ feels burdened by it and hawk is like those rules are shit! The law?? Who cares? Just do what you think is right, follow a moral code

Bj’s like it’s not fair that everything works out for you when you just walk/coast through life and hawk is like you try it sometime i’m having fun

i'm not married to which genre they each come from. like idk if hawk really is just walking into the answers but he's def columbo-ing it by charming people and life is definitely goofy/heightened for him where for bj it's just like. normal but also this massive burden. and then there was gonna be this dynamic where bj and hawk keep running into each other and flirting but hawk knows he's married but then when bj and peg do split up and bj tells him hawk thinks he's just doing it to get information out of him......but they end up having to work together of course

#fitting because i specifically remember workshopping this with you <3 #ask #fieryphrazes

[venomous-soliloquy]

39, 45, 49. ❤️

39. Is any aspect of your writing process inspired by other writers or people? If so, who?

There's a few aspects, although if you asked me to outright pinpoint who inspired them, I'm not certain I'd be able to answer. There's a few fanfic authors that use lots and lots of — em dashes and from them I learned to love the fuck out of them.

In addition to that, single word breaks between things like.

He couldn't believe his eyes—what he was seeing in front of him. Terrified. Unequivocally, absolutely, he was terrified.

And I know I learned somewhere the whole thing with playing around with italic, bold, and bold italic to add more emphasis to something. But that was at least ten years ago, and I'm not certain any longer.

I read a lot. I used to read even more. It's hard to remember where every little bit comes from, unfortunately.

⋆

45. What’s something you’ve improved on since you started writing fic?

Dialogue. While dialogue definitely is something that seems to have come naturally to me in general (it's probably all those years sitting at the table with adults and listening to them talk as a wee tot) it's gotten exponentially better over the years.

⋆

49. What are you currently working on? Share a few lines if you’re up for it!

Technically I haven't been working on ANYTHING writing wise in the last few weeks. But I have restarted a gift intended for my girlfriend (as you know because I've already shared this with you lmao) over two years ago. So that's what everyone is gonna get a chunk of.

When they finally arrive at the cabin, Steve sees a flash of lighting, followed by an almost deafening crack and roll of thunder moments later. They’re inside, before it happens again. There’s still laughter on their lips as they all but tumble through the door, but soon the mirth is replaced with the sound of teeth chattering and the drip, drip, drop of rain soaked clothes. Quickly they are creating large puddles on the welcome mat just inside the door. Steve shakes his head, amused as droplets of water fling this way and that and, he licks at his lips, catching a few on his tongue. He turns to Tony and, he means to say something… But, whatever that something is, it’s lost immediately as he looks at the man standing next to him. He’s struck with the fact that no one has any right to look so good in waterlogged clothing, with their hair plastered to their head and their lower lip quivering from the cold. And, yet, Tony does. His shirt and jeans are stuck to him like cellophane, and this close Steve can see the rise of goose flesh along his clavicles. Painted across his cheeks is a rosy red flush, and Steve… Steve barely remembers to breathe. Longer than he means to, he stares, until Tony’s dark brown eyes meet his. Despite the cold clinging beneath his skin, Steve feels the telltale heat of an embarrassed flush making its way over the rise of his cheeks. He shivers and a moment later, Tony offers him a smile. It almost seems knowing. Perhaps he’s just seeing things. “What?” Tony asks, after another moment, inclining a brow. “Huh? Oh—uh. Nothing, really, I was just considering taking a shower to warm up. Looks like you might need it more than me.” Steve replies, and the shower is absolutely something he made up on the spot. Tony’s grin becomes broader, seeming to be even more knowing than before and Steve wants to fidget under the scrutiny. There’s no way Tony knows what he was actually thinking. That Tony knows how Steve actually feels about him. If there was, he would have said something by now—Tony is many things, but none of those has ever been bashful.  After another handful of seconds, Tony shakes his head. “Naw. Have at it, Cap. I’ll get changed and start a fire while you’re in there.” It’s as those words leave Tony’s lips that Steve realizes that now he has to commit to his lie. The alternative is to admit it was a lie and then be forced to explain why, exactly, he’d been staring at Tony. He doesn’t see that going over well—how does one explain being hopelessly in love with their best friend without alienating them in the same breath? It’s easier to go with the lie. “Okay. Thanks, Tony,” Steve says, and he turns and makes his way into the singular bedroom the cabin contains.

#syan rambles #asks #fanfic ask game #writer ask game

[andrewisdoing]

Thoughts On God & I and The Christian Community

I’ve been thinking lots about God and my relationship with Christianity lately.

Recently, I took a long drive through Monroe and I couldn’t help but play albums that my mom played when I was a kid. Now, both my parents were/are Christians and while they did listen to secular music, they also played a LOT of Contemporary Christian music. I know it’s hard to believe but, in my opinion, my parents had the BEST taste in this genre. From my favorite, Crystal Lewis to Keith Green, I was raised on artists who were singing jubilantly and honestly about their love of Jesus and their walk with Him. I probably gained more wisdom from these artists then from the Bible. While on this particular drive, I couldn’t contain my joy while singing these songs, all of which brought bittersweet tears to my eyes mostly due to the memories that were attached to them. However, I couldn’t help but recognize the repetitive guilt fluttering around my stomach. The question that will occasionally float above me seems to always be “Do you even hear yourself? Do you know who you are singing about? You say you are a lapsed Christian and yet, here you are singing these Christian songs.” Then the BIG question follows… “Am I even allowed to be singing these songs and feeling joyful since I stopped going to church and giving up hope on being accepted into that community?”

If you’d ask me today where God and I stood, I would probably say that we’ve met, are still in touch but not exactly close anymore. Well, maybe it’s not God I have ended things with but it’s the actual community I estranged myself from. After being baptized during the pandemic, I thought I would’ve acquired a more urgent call to read the Bible, have a community of people who perhaps did accept me as me and be more firm in my standing with my faith. As of this moment, I can firmly declare that the chasm between Christianity and I has widened. Internally, the belief hasn’t been shaken but in terms of being deep in the game of religion, I willingly gave up. There were too many failed attempts. Since I had come out, I tried to seek out God and community and like Paul aka Saul, I feel like I have “fought the good fight” and seen enough to finally realize that my place wasn’t and will probably never be at church. Besides that, I had wanted to explore more philosophical, psychological and sociological ideals. I personally am of the opinion that for some people when they seek out a more traditionally American version of Christianity some stop seeking and asking big picture questions. If they do have questions, it’s not up for debate. It’s only “God created blankety-blank” and “The Bible says blankety-blank” instead of perhaps gaining understanding from other sources. Like Ariel in the Little Mermaid, who longingly looks above the watery surface, my mind was singing “I want moooore.”

Furthermore, 65 percent of the time, my questions weren’t with The Big Man Upstairs. I had more questions for the people surrounding me every Sunday because on the surface, everyone I’d encountered seemed to have their relationship with God figured out. When I was a teenager, I would watch the straight-laced folk, dressed up as hipsters who were “cool” and “down” with G.O.D. I began to suspect that they weren’t as “down” or “with it” as they outwardly proclaimed. They were as tight as the jeans that clung to their asses. My experience would vary person to person but I eventually discovered that the community that I yearned for wasn’t going to be here. I would always seem to come up empty when I would engage in conversations with church folks. These conversations were all spoken with smiles wrapped in shiny cellophane and would be so shallow eventually the wind would pick up, blowing the person away; the hollow conversation along with it. One example I can remember was going to these conferences as a teenager. Feeling quite out of place, as most teenagers, it would take me awhile to find real people to chat with. I remember having one of those breakdown moments I am pretty sure all young gay men have when you wonder if God does, in fact, love you. The encounter I had with one male youth counselor wasn’t as helpful as he may have thought.

“Are you sure you’re gay?” He asked

“Pretty sure. I just need to know if I’m okay and that I’m not going to hell. Am I?” I asked, pleadingly

“Well, lets just pray about it. I am more than certain if you pray, it might give you some clarity.” He said

I left still very gay but so damned confused and I can say a lot of my teens were spent half-heartedly convinced that God did love me but any time my heart got crushed, friendships ended or someone I loved died or hurt me in some way, I figured it was The Big Man Upstairs punishing me for fulfilling my desires.

Granted, I’ve found the hardest part about church is finding a true community of people who actually desire true friendship. Sure, I’ve made a few true friends at church but I do truly mean, FEW. I could count them all on one hand, though. The expectation that I had was these folks really wanted to be my friends if things got bad but that ended up never being the case. I can remember my first real High School youth leaders who had gotten to know me so well and made me feel so welcome that I even invited them to my Graduation, feeling so special. Fast forward a few months later, after getting my first apartment and dealing with my friends conniving fiancé, I felt trapped and alone. My best friends were busy and getting ready for year 2 of college. Who do I call? My youth group leaders for guidance, prayer and brotherhood. Who doesn’t answer? My youth group leaders. Months go by and not one word. I still feel myself wanting to throw something remembering how burned I felt. I should’ve prefaced this by adding that one of the leaders desperately wanted me to a part of his group after telling him my story so I can’t even begin to describe the sting of being dropped without so much as a goodbye.

I could fill more than this page with more stories from church and the people I encountered but I will just keep it short and sweet: Christian Community is complicated, messy and basically like High School but then what community isn’t? I am mostly happy to be out of it but I still am left with that question..am I allowed to rejoice to the music made for Christians and not for heathens like myself?

Here’s what I’m concluding: Yes. Why? I feel like I earned my stripes with Jesus and if he does indeed, see all, know all, like I think he does then he can be the one to give my heart the proper assessment when my time here on earth ends. I’ve also concluded that my relationship with religion will always be muddy and murky. Yes, while Jesus was my introduction to religion, the core of all these religions are drenched in love, which is why I understand why people buy the sugar peddled. While I have many bones to pick with believers, the biggest one the community has yet to answer for is the folks that are so “in it” that they use their bought truths to justify violent means and reason to ostracize peoples choices. THAT will never make sense to me.

Anyway, I’m off to go bump my “Heavenly Shit” playlist with all the messy and murky ex-Jesus Freaks.

#andrewisdoing #writing #essay #thoughts #vents #christianity #lgbt #questions #ex christian #gay #christian music #where I am #God and I #walk with god #high school #friendship #community #christian bible #prayer

[jones7thavenue]

2023 Diary Entry No. 22

It's been a month + two weeks since the last diary entry. I've been busy adjusting to the new flat I'm living with my parents in right now, so I apologize for not having gotten to write about it sooner.

I'm listening to Wildest Dreams by Brandy from her 2012 album, Two Eleven, on loop, as I'm writing this journal entry. I've been thinking about my boyfriend a fucking lot lately, due to having read some MK11 fanfiction on here, and, boy, am I in deep. A little too deep into my mind here, that is. I can't stop thinking about my man at all. It's not that the fanfiction had anything to do with that. It's just that I've been craving his warm hands on me for a long fucking time, and I wish I was in his arms right now, even though it's my fucking fault for the impossibility. I'm finally getting some self-care. I only regret not having done so sooner, due to things coming up and shit. I need to find a way to replace my state ID card, so I can get medical services for all types of doctors and shit.

Anyway, I'm just looking forward to seeing my boyfriend and our son today. I have forgotten to take my meds last night, and, knowing myself, it's way too late for that, so I'll be taking my morning medications in thirty-eight minutes from now, then I'll be ready to go see my little boy. My phone is going to be off for the whole day, though, so I hope my mom can keep herself busy without feeling the need to call me every 2 minutes.

I couldn't sleep, but Mom + Pops had their beauty sleep....or did they? I just wish they could go back to bed, shit! It's total bullshit, the situation I got myself into, the past 2.5 fucking years of self-punishment with the fact that I'm my parents' slave because of the choices that I made to be here. And, boy, are they bad ones. And, unfortunately, they're all my fucking fault. I'm so fucking pissed I can't even think of typing shit because I keep thinking about that shit that should be forgotten entirely, but I can't trust me enough to forgive for the past 13 fucking years. Fuck you very much, grandma. I hope all my family members burn in hell; I don't expect myself to be there, once I repent and pray to have Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior again, this time, for good, because I have a family to take care of, anyway. I'm done with being a cellophane doormat. For real, man.

Sorry for the long ranting paragraph, but not sorry for how I fucking feel about life, and the government, in general. I'm so happy someone sides with my story, with no need to open my mouth. I'm just ready to move on with my life and not remember negative shit anymore because, look where the negative shit got me. Fuck you very much, Satan; may your servants bow down to your $25 Trillion five footlong.

Okay, enough of the angry bitching. It's way too early for that. I'm going to calm myself down with a fucking nap. I'll be back.

I woke up to my stepfather causing chaos over being obedient to my mother and me. Ever since then, I haven't been feeling like doing anything, but I'm forced to do everything this weekend anyway, because it's just so much pressure to be the Barbie of the household: I have to wash dishes, I have to sweep and mop the floors, I have to clean everyone's room (mainly because someone lazily fucks their own bedroom up and doesn't bother to clean it right the fuck back the fuck up, because they think they're hot shit, but, trust me on this: they're not!), I have to take out the fucking trash, too. It's fucking exhausting for me to do everything without any fucking help whatsoever. I keep dreaming of the impossible fantasy of having my own life, having my own place, however the fuck I want my life. I'm getting to the point where should I go to jail, it's the only way to learn how not to do shit again, but way too late. And, obviously, as everyone knows, nobody wants nor needs that, so I better keep myself in my own head, obviously because it's not worth going there over an imbecile who thinks he's entitled to being lazy, when he knows how to drop shit all over the bedroom, so if he can do that, he can put the mess right back into where it came from, instead of me having to do it while bitching the whole fucking time.

I apologize sincerely for having been busy for hours, but, thanks to Big Brother, I replaced one movie + added two more into my library today, via the local Media Exchange. I'm looking forward to watching The Crow Duology by myself in the kitchen tonight when the folks are sleeping tonight. I'm surprised they liked my latest photo via Instagram. It's been too hot be hot as Fujin's balls outside right now, but, when the sun's down, I'll be out one last time for today, grabbing a lotto ticket and $5 in quarters so I can do some laundry tomorrow morning. I'm no longer considering moving out of my parents' abode at this point in time because the government is so fucking rude as shit, thinking they're hot shit until after the apocalypse. I'm just so looking forward to better days, even though it's impossible right now. All I need to do is clean the kitchen, wash the dishes, take out the trash, clean the bathroom, put away the dirty laundry (again!), clean my room + clear the kitchen table, as the list for housework to do tonight/tomorrow. Then, after I get all that shit done, will I be able to enjoy anything, starting Monday morning. I don't need to be putting shit off until later anymore, because, well, it's pissing people the fuck off, myself included.

I got a gut-wrenching feeling that my PS4 is done for, so I'm calling my request for a Chromebook off until there's a better time for that shit, since I have very little to save every month now, due to inflation. Fuck, I feel like crying right now, but it's so hard to unmask myself in front of anyone at this point. I'm just heartbroken because of how the past 3 years has treated me. Maybe I fucking deserve this karma for all the stupid shit I did to people long ago, because of my arrogant ass ego. It's just been a long time since I've thought about the shit I had done, but it's also the first time I'm ever writing about it, and, once I finish writing this, the negative weight will just get off my back eventually, even though right now it's impossible.

It's all about changing habits, nothing else. If I need to get back to better, it's all about doing, thinking, acting, being better, period. That's all. It's time to make peace with myself.

#life as an aspie #habits #personal growth #journal entry #diary entry #mental health #mental growth #2023 diary entry

[chrancecriber]

Chilltrax (May 03, 2023)

23:59 53 Thieves - Waves 23:59 C H I L L T R A X - The Chillout Channel Redux 23:54 Shallou - Fading 23:51 Farius - Coming Up (Hold On) (Dokho Remix) 23:46 Chris Malinchak - Saving My Love 23:42 Elderbrook - The End 23:38 Il:lo - List 23:38 C H I L L T R A X - Valante Io Toh 23:33 Eli & Fur - Where I Find My Mind 23:29 Parra For Cuva Feat. Kyson & Beau Diako - Ordel 23:24 Zaven - Voliere Amplitude 23:21 Tep No Feat. Starzun - Hold Me 23:15 Shingo Nakamura - Come Closer 23:15 C H I L L T R A X - Escape The Noise 23:11 Maxxim - Waterfalls 23:07 Everything But The Girl - Forever 23:04 Avira & Nicholas Gunn - Sensing You 22:59 Fakear - Crystal 22:54 Attlas Feat. Mango - Over The Water 22:51 Jones Meadow - Expect 22:51 C H I L L T R A X - Listen To This! 22:46 Melosense - Story To Remember 22:42 Two Lanes - Searching (Ct Fixup Mix) 22:37 Washed Out - Hide (Amtrac Remix) 22:33 Odesza Feat. Maro - Better Now 22:30 Lar - Collide (Jody Wisternoff & James Grant Remix) 22:25 Rhye - Feel Your Weight (Poolside Remix) 22:25 C H I L L T R A X - Toh Dzihan 22:21 Tomb & Lewyn - All But A Dream 22:17 Leisure - Slipping Away (Flight Facilities Remix) 22:12 Emi Ca - Just Breathe 22:08 Monkey Safari - Temple 22:08 C H I L L T R A X - Tcc Warm And Tender Ocean 22:04 Floa & Phonic Youth - Falling Away 21:59 Volen Sentir & Makebo - Into The Stars 21:53 Sons Of Maria - Close To Me 21:48 Royksopp & Susanne Sundfor - Oh, Lover (Nto Remix) 21:44 Duckmaw - Nox 21:44 C H I L L T R A X - Street Life Worlds Cc 21:39 Arley & Sirolf - One Day 21:35 Chris Malinchak - Cellophane 21:30 Billion Watchers - Rainman 21:27 Armin Van Buuren & Matoma Feat. Teddy Swims - Easy To Love 21:27 C H I L L T R A X - E-chilled-music 21:24 Giants' Nest - Heart Void 21:19 Wassu & Mimi Page - Within Me 21:16 Eric Hilton Feat. Elin Melgarejo - La Nuit 21:11 Blank & Jones - Floatation 21:10 C H I L L T R A X - Donations 230425 21:07 Vandelux - Tulum 21:03 Reel People & Paula - Vibe (Moods Remix) 20:58 Forty Cats & Arentis - Zen 20:55 Twoworldsapart & Panuma & Nina Carr - Slippin' 20:55 C H I L L T R A X - Parents Magazine Seal 20:51 Satin Jackets Feat. Tailor - Somewhere In Paradise 20:47 Jos & Eli & Eli & Fur - Riffs Of The Night 20:44 Henry Green - Another Light 20:40 Rocket Empire - Lima 20:36 Lana Del Rey - Doin' Time (Chilltrax Mix) 20:36 C H I L L T R A X - Toh Freesound 20:31 Nicholas Gunn Feat. Chris Howard - Thought Of You 20:27 Fkj Feat. Little Dragon - Can't Stop 20:23 Floa & Ra5im - Give Me A Second 20:19 Monolink - Turning Away (Parra For Cuva Remix) 20:15 Mango & Cloudcage - More Than This 20:15 C H I L L T R A X - The Chillout Channel, Chilltrax 20:11 Melosense - Nous 20:07 Ry X & Olafur Arnalds - Oceans 20:04 Jones Meadow & Clara Mendes - Em Baixo 20:00 Sum Wave - Milkyway 19:57 53 Thieves - Lyd 19:56 C H I L L T R A X - Escape 2 Music 19:53 Lliam And Latroit Feat. Brea - Someday (Latroit Edition) 19:48 Leaving Laurel - The Family We Find 19:45 Tep No - Say What You Wanted 19:41 Evelynka - Letting Go 19:37 Two Lanes - Phases 19:36 C H I L L T R A X - Toh Cymbal Roll Bass 19:31 Arkangel - Paradigm 19:28 Feiertag Feat. Tessa Rose Jackson - Riptide 19:24 Arto - Now You're Gone 19:21 Mansionair & Kim Tee - Next High 19:17 Andrew Nagy & Joel Winterflood - Little To None 19:16 C H I L L T R A X - Be Svendsen World Comes 19:12 Rohne - Twelve 19:08 Morgin Madison & Ryan Lucian - From The Start (Mm Chill Remix) 19:04 Drama - 3am 19:01 Tomb - Unbound 18:57 Boerd Feat. Stella Explorer - Another Life 18:52 Chris Malinchak, Kiesza, Malin - Tree 18:52 C H I L L T R A X - Worldschilloutchannnel Orbit 18:47 Zaven - Passive Activity (Evren Furtuna Remix) 18:42 Elderbrook - Wasted On You 18:39 Kleerup Feat. Yuna - Break Down The Wall 18:35 Lp Giobbi Feat. Dj Tennis & Joseph Ashworth - All In A Dream 18:31 Duckmaw - Distant Worlds 18:27 Kaskade - Sweet Love (Chill Mix) 18:27 C H I L L T R A X - Toh Moon Boots 18:22 Sound Quelle & Tailor - Where We Should Be 18:18 Sons Of Maria - Don't Tell Me I Can't Have It 18:14 Il:lo - Ink 18:10 Kidnap - Start Again (Kidnap Piano Mix) 18:10 C H I L L T R A X - We Are The Music Makers 18:07 Cannons - Loving You 18:02 Royksopp Feat. Astrid S - Let's Get It Right 17:59 Flexible Fire - Amatista 17:54 Northern Form - Mend 17:53 C H I L L T R A X - Chill Out Chilltrax 17:48 Dj San & Sebastian Moore - In Your Eyes 17:45 Forester - Symphony 17:42 Pableno - Heights 17:37 Nils Hoffmann Feat. Julia Church - 9 Days 17:31 Bob Moses - I Ain't Gonna Be The First To Cry 17:31 C H I L L T R A X - Ct The Backward Chillout Channel 17:27 Valante - Vana 17:23 Vandelux - All I've Ever Known 17:19 Eli & Fur Feat. Brothertiger - She's Just A Wanderer 17:15 Aftruu - Falling Asleep 17:15 C H I L L T R A X - Slurry Toh 17:10 Beacon - Until Next Time 17:06 Heard Right & Oracle - There For You 17:01 Eric Hilton Feat. Brian Jackson - Something For Byrd 16:56 Genix & Zashanell - All I Want (Chill Out Mix) 16:56 C H I L L T R A X - Something I Should Tell You 16:52 Xixi Feat. Kwesi - Close To U 16:49 Jimpster & Oliver Night - Ascension 16:45 Sault - Wildfires 16:41 Palladian - Zagara 16:36 Washed Out - Eyes Be Closed 16:36 C H I L L T R A X - Valante Io Toh 16:32 Reel People & Muhsinah - Something New (Kraak & Smaak Remix) 16:26 Dom Dolla & Mansionair - Strangers (Flight Facilities Remix) 16:23 Sum Wave - Evening Mood 16:17 Steven Weston Feat. Tae - Same Dream 16:14 Satin Jackets & Panama - The Future 16:13 C H I L L T R A X - Escape The Noise 16:10 Lar - Collide (Jody Wisternoff & James Grant Remix) 16:06 Attom - Distant Memories 16:03 Everything But The Girl - Forever 15:58 Jones Meadow - Fences 15:54 Leisure - Take You Higher (Serebii & Arjuna Oakes Remix) 15:54 C H I L L T R A X - Comes To Chill Out 15:51 Chris Malinchak - When The World Stops Turning (Quiet Mix) 15:46 Cahelo - Bananaquit (Mass Digital Extended Remix) 15:43 Liz Cass - Blue 15:39 Kx5 & Sofi Tukker - Sacrifice (St Mix) 15:34 Tor - Foxglove 15:34 C H I L L T R A X - Toh Dzihan 15:30 Cinnamon Chasers - Surviving The Fire 15:26 Kayobe & Zoe Sky Jordan - No Sympathy 15:20 Il:lo - Cynnes 15:17 Emmit Fenn - The Chase 15:13 Cashmere - All Of My Heart 15:13 C H I L L T R A X - Twcc High Standard Of Quality 15:10 Elypsis - Open Your Eyes 15:06 Floa & Phonic Youth - Falling Away 15:03 Cannons - Hurricane 15:00 Sultan Shepard - Sirens 14:55 Deep Sound Effect Feat. Svetlana Voice - Dreaming About You (Dj Aristocrat Remix) 14:51 Sg Lewis - Honest 14:51 C H I L L T R A X - Chilltrax - Chill Out Piano 14:46 Jean Caillou - Signs 14:41 Max Cooper - A Model Of Reality (Tor Remix) 14:35 Ultraista - Mariella (Zero 7 Remix) 14:31 Passenger 10 - Voices In Her Head 14:27 Rocket Empire - Astoria 14:24 London Grammar - Metal & Dust 14:24 C H I L L T R A X - Glitchy Toh 14:20 Jako Diaz & Leyet - Only You 14:16 Heard Right Feat. Phoebe Tsen - Pulling Me Under 14:11 Deep Lo - Lost In You (Soire Remix) 14:08 Lane 8 Feat. Channy Leaneagh - I'll Wait 14:07 C H I L L T R A X - Extraordinary Craftsmanship 14:04 Reel People & Paula - Vibe (Moods Remix) 14:01 Dex 1200 - Ongea Nami 13:57 Royksopp - Me&youphoria 13:53 Phello - Timelapse 13:47 Two Lanes - Belong 13:47 C H I L L T R A X - Organ The Chillout Channel 13:43 Satin Jackets Feat. Mandy Jones - In This Life 13:39 Boerd Feat. Stella Explorer - Before We Drown 13:36 Flexible Fire - Marea Turquesa 13:33 Flight Facilities Feat. Your Smith - Heavy 13:29 Eli & Fur - Something Was Real 13:29 C H I L L T R A X - Escape 2 Music 13:24 Ghenwa Nemnom - Story Of A Battle (Chris Zippel Remix) 13:20 Everything But The Girl - Caution To The Wind 13:15 Circle Sky - Your Name 13:12 Farius - Coming Up (Hold On) (Dokho Remix) 13:11 C H I L L T R A X - Donations 230425 13:07 Blonde Maze - Being Pulled (Polar Inc. Remix) 13:04 Jones Meadow & Clara Mendes - Em Baixo 12:59 Sons Of Maria - Outbound 12:55 Vok - Skin 12:55 C H I L L T R A X - Magnifyingglasssogood4u 12:51 Monolink - Turning Away (Parra For Cuva Remix) 12:46 Mass Digital - Thoughts Of U 12:42 Blank & Jones - Alone In This Rhythm (Ben Macklin Remix) 12:37 Fakear - Crystal 12:37 C H I L L T R A X - Toh Cymbal Roll Bass 12:32 Nicholas Gunn Feat. Chris Howard - Thought Of You 12:29 Beacon - Pay My Debts 12:25 Approaching Black - New Life 12:21 Elderbrook - The End 12:17 Khotin & Tess Roby - Fountain, Growth 12:17 C H I L L T R A X - World Comes To Chilltrax.com 12:13 Melosense - Nous 12:09 Christian Loffler Feat. Menke - Lys 12:05 Morgin Madison & Ryan Lucian - From The Start (Mm Chill Remix) 12:01 Odsen - Retrospective 11:57 Mansionair & Vandelux - Empty Promise 11:57 C H I L L T R A X - Street Life Worlds Cc 11:54 Henry Green Feat. Andreya Triana - Tide 11:49 Volen Sentir & Makebo - Into The Stars 11:45 Emmit Fenn & Shallou - Hollow 11:40 Arkangel - Paradigm 11:35 Three Drives On A Vinyl - Greece 2000 (Davidson & Melosense Mix) 11:35 C H I L L T R A X - Toh Moon Boots 11:29 Arley & Sirolf - One Day 11:24 Kraak And Smaak Feat. Izo Fitzroy - Twilight 11:20 Woven - Brushes 11:16 Royksopp Feat. Astrid S - Just Wanted To Know 11:13 Lapsley - Levitate 11:12 C H I L L T R A X - E-chilled-music 11:09 Giants' Nest - Purple Beach 11:05 Cannons - Loving You 11:02 Solomon Grey - Home 10:57 Zaven - Voliere Amplitude 10:53 Vintage And Morelli Feat. Arielle Maren - The Light (Flexible Fire Remix) 10:49 Fabio Vee & Mike D' Jais - Consolation 10:49 C H I L L T R A X - The Chillout Channel Redux 10:45 Kaskade - Where Did You Go 10:41 Satin Jackets Feat. Tailor - Somewhere In Paradise 10:36 Sons Of Maria - Are You 10:33 Flexible Fire - Amatista 10:28 Massive Attack - Unfinished Sympathy (Oakenfold Remix) 10:27 C H I L L T R A X - Donations 230425 10:23 Kidnap & Pinkpirate - Things Change 10:20 Cinnamon Chasers - Lonely Love 10:16 Holen - Not Too Late 10:12 53 Thieves - Heights 10:12 C H I L L T R A X - Come Along Children - Need To Chill Out 10:08 Heard Right & Oracle - There For You 10:04 Rocket Empire - Lima 10:01 Tep No - Deep Sin 09:56 Ry X & Olafur Arnalds - Colorblind (Whomadewho Remix) 09:56 C H I L L T R A X - Escape The Noise 09:52 Tomb & Lewyn - All But A Dream 09:48 Feiertag Feat. Tessa Rose Jackson, Oli Hannaford - Yearn 09:43 Billion Watchers - Rainman 09:39 Blonde Maze - Night Light (Hessian Remix) 09:35 Washed Out - Face Up 09:35 C H I L L T R A X - Backward Rvb Where World Comes 09:31 Approaching Black - Sensitive 09:27 Vandelux - All I've Ever Known 09:22 Nicolas Godin Feat. Cola Boyy - The Foundation 09:17 Blank & Jones - Floatation 09:17 C H I L L T R A X - Valante Io Toh 09:13 Everything But The Girl - Forever 09:10 Emmit Fenn - --amman 09:06 Il:lo - Ink 09:02 A.m.r - Sailor's Cry 09:02 C H I L L T R A X - Cool Refreshed Smooth As Can Be 08:57 Sound Quelle & Tailor - Where We Should Be 08:52 Darius Feat. Benny Sings - Rise (Darius Remix) 08:48 Gareth Emery - St Mary's 08:44 Arto - Now You're Gone 08:38 Royksopp - Sordid Affair 08:38 C H I L L T R A X - Toh Dzihan 08:34 Wassu & Mimi Page - Within Me 08:29 Boehm - Who You Are 08:24 Steven Weston Feat. Tae - Same Dream 08:21 Lost In Pacific & Hanging Valleys - Escape 08:21 C H I L L T R A X - Worldschilloutchannnel Orbit 08:17 Aftruu - Falling Asleep 08:14 Diplo Feat. Rhye - Mmxx - Xii 08:10 Floa & Phonic Youth - Falling Away 08:05 Forty Cats & Arentis - Zen 08:00 Farius - A Big Life (Sound Quelle Remix) 08:00 C H I L L T R A X - Donations 230425 07:56 Catching Flies - Daymarks 07:52 Leaving Laurel - The Family We Find 07:48 Olan - Wake And Return (Little Dragon Remix) 07:43 Max Cooper - A Model Of Reality (Tor Remix) 07:39 Melosense - Explore 07:39 C H I L L T R A X - Glitchy Toh 07:35 R Plus & Faithless Feat. Amelia Fox - It's Enough (The Last High) 07:29 Rodriguez Jr. Feat. Liset Alea - What Is Real (Deep In The Playa Mix) 07:26 Holen - Breathe 07:22 Above & Beyond & Marty Longstaff - Gratitude (Aname Pm Mix) 07:17 Odesza Feat. Olafur Arnalds - Light Of Day (Parra For Cuva Remix) 07:17 C H I L L T R A X - The Chillout Channel, Chilltrax 07:13 Flexible Fire - La Cumbre 07:09 Reel People & Paula - Vibe (Moods Remix) 07:04 Mazoulew Feat. Bonnie Wylde - Circles 07:00 Tomb - Unbound 06:56 Two Lanes - Never Enough 06:52 Kelela - Contact 06:52 C H I L L T R A X - Escape 2 Music 06:48 Rohne - Flicker (Faodail Remix) 06:44 Kx5 & Sofi Tukker - Sacrifice (St Mix) 06:41 London Grammar - How Does It Feel 06:37 Tennyson - Iron 06:33 Duckmaw - Distant Worlds 06:28 Disclosure - Moonlight 06:28 C H I L L T R A X - Toh Freesound 06:24 Evelynka - Letting Go 06:20 Alampa - The One 06:16 Eric Hilton Feat. Brian Jackson - Something For Byrd 06:12 French Braids & Matt Hartke - Heaven On Loan 06:12 C H I L L T R A X - Dionigi/The Chillout Channel 06:09 Jones Meadow & Clara Mendes - Em Baixo 06:06 Dex 1200 - Ongea Nami 06:01 Gold Lounge - Higher 05:56 Shingo Nakamura - Come Closer 05:52 Giants' Nest - Storm Trap 05:52 C H I L L T R A X - Be Svendsen World Comes 05:48 Cinnamon Chasers - Surviving The Fire 05:43 Elderbrook & Emmit Fenn - I’ll Find My Way To You 05:38 Il:lo - Cynnes 05:33 Steven Weston Feat. Lapsley - Like I Used To 05:33 C H I L L T R A X - Twcc High Standard Of Quality 05:29 Heard Right & Fløa - Enough 05:26 Xixi Feat. Kwesi - Close To U 05:22 Session Victim - The Pain 05:18 Lar - Collide (Jody Wisternoff & James Grant Remix) 05:18 C H I L L T R A X - Toh Cymbal Roll Bass 05:15 Leisure Feat. Muroki - Summer Season 05:11 Morgin Madison & Ryan Lucian - From The Start (Mm Chill Remix) 05:08 Sum Wave - Milkyway 05:02 Mishegas - Temporary Love (Il:lo Remix) 05:02 C H I L L T R A X - Listen To This! 04:58 Monolink - Turning Away (Parra For Cuva Remix) 04:54 Sound Quelle Feat. Daniel Robinson - Tempest 04:48 Roisin Murphy - Incapable 04:44 Sultan Shepard - Sirens 04:39 Maya Jane Coles - Weak 04:39 C H I L L T R A X - Toh Moon Boots 04:35 Eli & Fur - Where I Find My Mind 04:31 Satin Jackets Feat. Ivy Falls - Different Directions 04:26 Above And Beyond - Sun In Your Eyes (William Orbit Remix) 04:22 Two Lanes - Searching (Ct Fixup Mix) 04:17 Royksopp & Susanne Sundfor - Oh, Lover (Nto Remix) 04:17 C H I L L T R A X - Chilltrax - Chill Out Piano 04:11 Volen Sentir & Makebo - Into The Stars 04:07 Faodail & Plya - Strangers Gone Missing 04:04 Cannons - Loving You 04:01 Vintage & Morelli - Once Upon A World 03:55 Pilots Of Peace - Fallin 03:55 C H I L L T R A X - Ct The Backward Chillout Channel 03:51 Otr Feat. Au/ra - Broken (Rac Mix) 03:48 Farius - Coming Up (Hold On) (Dokho Remix) 03:44 Nils Hoffmann Feat. Malou - About You 03:39 Nicholas Gunn & Alina Renae - Angel Eyes 03:35 Four Tet - Lush 03:35 C H I L L T R A X - Donations 230425 03:29 Dj San & Sebastian Moore - In Your Eyes 03:26 Approaching Black Feat. Avalon Mia - Fade Away With You ('lost In 84' Mix) 03:22 Rocket Empire - Astoria 03:18 Blonde Maze - When You Move 03:14 Andrew Nagy & Joel Winterflood - Little To None 03:14 C H I L L T R A X - Escape The Noise 03:09 Dim Kelly - Nocturna Animal 03:04 Heard Right & Oracle - There For You 02:59 Blank & Jones - Floatation 02:55 Eloi El - Stick Together (Blonde Maze Remix) 02:52 Mango & Cloudcage - More Than This 02:47 Sao Miguel Feat. Sebastian Reynoso - Hope In Balance (Wisternoff-grant Remix) 02:47 C H I L L T R A X - Comes To Chill Out 02:42 Reel People & Muhsinah - Something New (Kraak & Smaak Remix) 02:37 Roma Moss & Holy - Too Late 02:33 Fakear - Crystal 02:29 Baynk Feat. Drama - 1 Chance 02:25 Tosca - Swimswimswim 02:25 C H I L L T R A X - Street Life Worlds Cc 02:21 Jones Meadow - Fences 02:17 Elderbrook - The End 02:11 Monolink - Take Me Away 02:08 Melosense - Nous 02:08 C H I L L T R A X - Valante Io Toh 02:03 Sons Of Maria - Always 01:59 Everything But The Girl - Forever 01:55 Satin Jackets - For What We Have 01:51 Sg Lewis Feat. Lucky Daye - Feed The Fire (Kassian Remix) 01:51 C H I L L T R A X - Fresh And Fascinating 01:45 Arkangel - Paradigm 01:42 Morcheeba - The Moon (Kutiman Remix - Version B) 01:39 Feiertag Feat. Tessa Rose Jackson - Follow 01:34 Billion Watchers - Rainman 01:29 Massive Attack - Safe From Harm 01:28 C H I L L T R A X - Donations 230425 01:24 Sound Quelle & Tailor - Where We Should Be 01:20 Kx5 Feat. Hayla - Escape (Chill Mix) 01:16 Two Lanes - Searching (Ct Fixup Mix) 01:11 Chris Malinchak, Kiesza, Malin - Tree 01:11 C H I L L T R A X - E-chilled-music 01:06 Cahelo - Bananaquit (Mass Digital Extended Remix) 01:02 Bonobo Feat. Jordan Rakei - Shadows 00:58 Floa & Phonic Youth - Falling Away 00:54 Giants' Nest - Heart Void 00:51 Alex Hook Feat. Rene - You Showed Me 00:50 C H I L L T R A X - Organ The Chillout Channel 00:46 Camelphat - Waiting (Eli & Fur's Found Version) 00:43 Aftruu - Falling Asleep 00:37 Mass Digital - Little Things 00:34 Vandelux - All I've Ever Known 00:29 Heard Right, Oai - Hope 00:29 C H I L L T R A X - Glitchy Toh 00:24 Nicholas Gunn Feat. Chris Howard - Thought Of You 00:20 Eli & Fur - You And I 00:17 Rocket Empire - Lima 00:11 Mango - Skyline 00:06 Northern Form - Mend 00:06 C H I L L T R A X - Escape 2 Music 00:02 Bonsaye - Viaje

#Chilltrax #Chillout #Lounge #Downtempo #Ambient #Trance #Deep House #2023 #May 2023

[pervysenpaix]

BakuSquad Driving Headcannons

18+MDNI

Katsuki Bakugo 🧡

Katsuki is the proud owner of a 2022 Mercedes G-Wagon. Painted matte black with black rims and orange leather interior.

His car is super clean and always smells good.

Permanent new car smell — fresh leather and wealth 💰

Keeps a an emergency preparedness bag in the trunk.

He never lets you drive his vehicle — don’t even ask.

The one time you hinted at wanting to get behind the wheel he looked at you like you grew an extra head.

“Hah? You think I’d let your dumbass drive my baby ?”

Doesn’t matter how much you pout he won’t budge but he smirk at you cause your lips look cute all poked out and shiny with glass.

Excellent driver — does that thing where he looks at you instead of the road.

“Ya nervous ?” He’d ask , grinning ferally as he grips the back of your neck with his free hand. Confident as ever as he stares you down, daring you to doubt his abilities. His heart jumps a little when you smile back and say “No , I trust you Katsuki”.

He loves getting head while driving. It makes him feel powerful.

He’ll be cruising down the highway, seat back and legs spread while he pushes you further down his shaft.

Will come without warning and expect you to swallow everything.

If you spill even a drop he’ll be punishing you severely at home.

Eijiro Kirishima ❤️

I know for a fact that this man drives a Jeep Wrangler with the doors removed— FIGHT ME.

His car is clean enough.

Lots of empty water bottles and protein bar wrappers.

Keeps extra shirts (sleeveless of course) in case he rips his from his quirk.

His car smells like his cologne.

Never let’s you drive but not in a condescending way , it’s because he’s a gentleman!

“Baby— it wouldn’t be manly to let you drive. You’re my Princess !”

Holds the door open for you to get in and comes around to open it when you get out.

His truck is lifted pretty high so he has to pick you and place you on the seat 🥹

Very concerned with your safety so he keeps both hands on the wheels at all times.

He’d never touch you while he was driving but that doesn’t mean you can’t touch yourself.

“Spread your legs wider baby. Just like that — fuckkkk~” His knuckles turn white from his harsh grip on the wheel. Erection pressing uncomfortably against the denim of his jeans. He can’t help but bite his lip while listening to your sultry moans. “Come on baby. Two more fingers. No no , don’t whine. You can do it. Wanna be ready for me , yeah ? Wanna be able to take all daddy’s dick ?”

Drives home as quickly as possible and encourages you to cum as many times as you want. Pretending to be nice but he really wants you to overstimulate yourself so you can be nice and stupid while he pounds your cunt.

Denki Kaminari 💛

Don’t quote me on this but I can see Denki driving a black mustang with a yellow lightning bolt on the hood.

The car has to be extremely loud and out there. A direct reflection of his personality.

Upon first glance this vehicle is impeccable.

All shiny and bright. Not a scratch or scuff on the paint.

But open the door and I guarantee you’ll find that one sneaker he’s been missing for like a month.

Clothes , shoes , candy , condom wrappers — ALLADAT just on the floor and the backseat.

“Don’t worry about it babe. It adds character!”

No sir , it adds to your chances of getting a ringworm but I digress.

He’ll definitely let you drive if you ask.

Likes to take the time to admire your profile when you’re focused on the rode.

Will push your hair behind your ear and tell you how beautiful you look.

Definitely loves to feed you while you drive.

Most of the candy wrappers are from lollipops that he’d shoved into your cunt two blocks ago then pulled it out at the stoplight and started to fuck your throat.

It’s a fun time.

Sero Hanta 🖤

You can’t tell me that Pro Hero Cellophane doesn’t drive a black on black Hummer. ☹️

Fuck the environment— he’s rich and wants to enjoy the fruits of his labor.

Much like Bakubro , he keeps his car spotless.

Gets it maintenanced regularly.

Very serious about his vehicle it’s his baby.

Definitely keeps several packs of gum and cologne in his console to mask the smell of 🍃

Always hotboxing.

Never lets you drive but loves to rest his hand on your upper thigh while he drives.

Glancing at you out of the corner of his low red eyes and pinching your flesh whenever he turns a corner.

“Somethin’ wrong, mi amor? You keep squirming.” Grinning he squeezes the soft flesh of your upper thigh, skirting dangerously close to the crotch. “Hanta~” you whine, trying to position his hand closer to your heat. The two of you’d been driving for 25 minutes and you could feel yourself getting wetter and wetter from just watching him. The pure neediness in your voice had his dick stirring in his pants. “Okay baby I know what you need.”

Deft fingers would slide underneath the thin fabric to move though your damp folds.

Several Spanish words intermix with r&b music and your soft moans.

You were so wet that he just couldn’t control himself anymore.

So he pulled into a nearby parking tower and drove to the top floor.

Sero kisses you sensually, sucking on your tongue and lips until your mouth feels bruise.

He groans when he sees the line of Saliva connecting you.

Quickly he rids himself of the seatbelt and exits then vehicle and like a gentlemen he comes to open your door ass well.

The hood of the car is still pretty warm from driving so it’s not a problem when he lays you on your back and dives face first into your pretty little pussy.

Doesn’t give a fuck who sees him.

Will suck on your clit until your legs are trembling.

When he feels like you’ve had enough he’ll flip you on your stomach to pound you under the sunset.

Bonus ! Hitoshi Shinsou 💜

In my mind Shinny Pooh is an honorary member of the Bakusquad.

Yeah he’s friends with Deku nem but oddly he finds comfort in the rowdiness of this friend group.

So to keep things simple we’re gonna have Toshi driving a motorcycle.

Idk what kind but maybe something like a Harley with low seats the would all him to sit behind you and rest his chin on your shoulder.

Likes to let you hold one of the bars so he run his big hand underneath your shirt and squeeze your tummy.

He’ll whisper in your ear that he can’t wait to fill you up and put a baby in here.

Says he loves seeing your tummy bulge when you’re full of dick and cum.

Smirks against your skin when he hears how heavy you’re breathing — knowing that you’re just as desperate for him as he is for you.

Waits until you’re at a stoplight surrounded by cars to pull your earlobe between his teeth and whisper “cum”.

Now all these innocent bystanders have witness the girlfriend of ProHero Mindbreak cum untouched.

You Whore.

For you ; @xogabbiexo , @yo-nn , @plussizeficchick , @38riku , @m00nchildthings , @rinhoes, @simpliheavenli , @not-your-damsel , @bunnxie , @blkchxrryblyss , @tsukihime25 , @prettylittlepixi , @7inaa , @nasty-quillz , @namjoonswifeyy , @bookwormsenpai , @erenyeagerswhore , @hhawkz , @luna-indigoduh , @po3ticb3auty , @tenyaiidasslut

#mha headcanons #bakugo headcanons #kirishima headcanon #denki headcanons #sero headcanons #shinsou headcanons #bakusqaud #Bakusquad smut #mha smut #mha x black reader #mha x black!reader #bakugo x black reader #kirishima x black reader #shinsou x black!reader #denki x black reader #sero x black!reader #katsuki bakugo x reader smut #bakugo thirst #kirishima thirst #sero thirst #shinsou thirst #kaminari x blackreader

[cerberuscommissions]

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐈𝐍𝐒𝐌𝐎𝐊𝐄𝐑𝐒: 𝐒𝐎 𝐅𝐀𝐑 𝐒𝐎 𝐆𝐎𝐎𝐃 𝐀𝐋𝐁𝐔𝐌 𝐌𝐄𝐌𝐄𝐒 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐎𝐍𝐄.

lyrics have been broken up and paraphrased to work well for memes. change pronouns as you see fit! tw: suggestive themes, drug / alcohol use, mature themes, and language.

01. 𝐫𝐢𝐩𝐭𝐢𝐝𝐞.

❛ where will you go when it’s over? ❜

❛ who will you know when it’s over? ❜

❛ i know i saw you. you know that right? ❜

❛ do you get lost on your own? ❜

❛ late night zip ties make you want to miss your flight. ❜

❛ flipping through your feelings like a gemini. ❜

❛ i’m staring at your dark side. ❜

❛ standing with a white dress on. ❜

❛ if you need a second chance you can take mine. ❜

❛ skin tight, cocaine; you don’t want to feel this way. ❜

❛ you know i’d do anything to make you stay. ❜

❛ i’m pulling out my best lines. ❜

02. 𝐡𝐢𝐠𝐡.

❛ so far, so good. ❜

❛ you’ll only say you love me when you’re high. ❜

❛ it’s like we go through the same shit every night. ❜

❛ you always swear shit’s going to change but it never does. ❜

❛ tell me you’re going to change then act like this instead. ❜

❛ i’m too old to want somebody who’s always switching up their friends. ❜

❛ i can’t make you love me but at least you could pretend. ❜

❛ scrips going to turn to fifths until i’m fucked out of my head. ❜

❛ you play the same old songs. ❜

❛ i know that you’re different in your air force ones. ❜

❛ filling my perscription; i could bite your tongue. ❜

❛ like i’ve got an addiction. ❜

❛ i know it’s my fault; i pick up your phone calls. ❜

❛ when it’s half past one and you’re half way drunk. ❜

❛ you say you love me and it sounds so dumb. ❜

❛ you’re the only one i can’t run away from. ❜

03. 𝐢𝐩𝐚𝐝.

❛ i go through your ipad, looking for something that i used to have. ❜

❛ guess i’ve finally lost my mind. ❜

❛ i wish that i could take my number back. ❜

❛ go back to the place we met. ❜

❛ start this up a second time. ❜

❛ i’m looking at your life through cellophane; wishing things would stay the same. ❜

❛ i was always by your side. ❜

❛ isn’t it strange how we’re strangers again? ❜

❛ now we’re strangers again. ❜

❛ you were just a downtown socialite. ❜

❛ ship i pass on summer nights. ❜

❛ shadow that i can’t define. ❜

❛ turned into a gaslight, kerosene.  ❜

❛ love that felt like seventeen. ❜

❛ hurt me ‘til i feel alive. ❜

❛ i wonder where your friends are. ❜

❛ something that i used to have. ❜

04. 𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐝𝐨𝐧𝐚.

❛ there’s something about you. ❜

❛ i’d finally make best friends with my addictions. ❜

❛ i’d get things done and not blame it on my conditions. ❜

❛ i’d build a world not full of contradictions. ❜

❛ think i want to twist the plot this time. ❜

❛ befriending all my enemies. ❜

❛ there’s no getting over you. ❜

❛ when i see you i get tongue tied. ❜

05. 𝐬𝐨𝐥𝐨 𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧.

❛ she’s on a solo mission. ❜

❛ she won’t look back until it’s her decision. ❜

❛ she can have the last laugh. ❜

❛ i’ll be sure to listen. ❜

❛ now i’m not a threat. ❜

❛ i’m just another ex. ❜

❛ put me in the back seat; tunnel vision. ❜

❛ if i’m not with her then i’m not living. ❜

❛ always moving too fast, i don’t want to miss it. ❜

❛ it’s all on me. ❜

❛ corner of my bed like i don’t know you. ❜

❛ pull out a cigarette, i can tell what you’re going to do. ❜

❛ i’m going to make a bet –– if i stay then i will lose. ❜

❛ i’ll try my best to forget me and you. ❜

❛ call me when you’re on your own. ❜

❛ call me when you’re all alone. ❜

❛ look at her percision.  ❜

❛ she’s off limits. ❜

❛ i never held her back. ❜

❛ i hope you don’t regret you and me. ❜

❛ tell me when your cover’s blown. ❜

❛ tell me when you’re coming home. ❜

06. 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐝𝐢𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭.

❛ you always say what’s on your mind. ❜

❛ dance like nobody’s around you. ❜

❛ someone like you is so hard to find. ❜

❛ i can’t believe i even found you. ❜

❛ you know that you had me from the first line. ❜

❛ i call you because i need to hear your voice. ❜

❛ i was running ‘til i fell in your void. ❜

❛ there’s nothing that can change my mind. ❜

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