i need a bf so bad i mean like boys?!?!? hello?!?!? i love boys. i love fat boys, i love skinny boys, i love boys who are not fat nor skinny. i love boys with brown eyes, i love boys with blue eyes, i love boys with grey eyes, i love boys with green eyes. i love boys with dark hair, i love boys with blonde hair, i love boys with dyed hair, and everything in between. i love soft boy tummy. i love boy hands. i love boy shoulders. i love boy thighs. boys >>>>
i fucking love boys and i'm not over it, i need a bf who to cuddle with, and kiss with, and hold hands with, and go on dates with...
also special mention to my fellow trans boys i love y'all sm <3
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ME (17/02/2024)
basically a trauma dump about events in life currently.
i start overthinking when i’m in bed,
realising my delusions were never fed,
love letters never read.
sometimes i walk like i tread,
as if i was about to wed.
what if god was deceiving me?
trying to make me believe he let me be?
but he’s struggling to let me be free,
so he didn’t get rid of my greed,
and had him appear on my feed.
if only i could read god’s mind,
i would be curious about what i can find.
maybe he was making me grind,
by covering my eyes and making me blind,
and have me think 24/7 with my mind.
i shake and cry,
sometimes wondering what it would feel like if i die,
would i be able to tell my friends a nice ‘goodbye’?
or should i just try to find myself a guy,
and till late night i’ll still be drinking chai.
i would love a double suicide,
with a man that makes me satisfied.
like we could go on a ride,
and pretend to be happy for our pride,
though inside we are terrified.
i just wish for a beautiful romance,
please god would you give me a chance?
hopefully help me find a gorgeous fiancé,
and then under the moon will we dance,
causing our love to enhance.
my throat hurts after i scream,
out loud in my hopeless dream,
it feels like i was thirteen,
with a future that cannot be foreseen,
then i wake up realising it was a daydream.
oh god, can’t you just fulfil my only wish,
i would give up even my delicious dish,
or even walk across the thinnest bridge.
i could stop trying to marry rich,
and keep searching in my empty fridge.
would i stay lonely forever?
or will i experience the feeling of happily ever after?
then my bones may start to shatter,
just like my thoughts that i try to gather,
while playing the game ‘would you rather’.
then i start to age,
hopefully i’m able to get to the dating stage,
then i get out of that suffocating cage,
only to realise that i am no sage,
though i tried my best to change.
at last i may die alone,
people may call my long lost phone,
just to be shown my skin and bones,
all alone and hid in a stone,
because i don’t deserve to sit on a throne.
so i just sleep,
and only in my dreams will i weep,
then i will over sleep,
waking up and finding i am not unique,
so i willingly accept my defeat.
master list
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