#i remember these lines were in early access but i can't remember how you got them

[mirrorhouse]

It was a pity your lesson in the Weave ended so soon - I was enjoying our moment alone. Do you think about us being alone again?

#baldur's gate #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #gale dekarios #gale of waterdeep #bg3edit #gamingedit #* #i remember these lines were in early access but i can't remember how you got them #i think now you only get this dialogue now after failing to perform magic during the weave scene... maybe there's another way

[atarathegreat]

Angry-Chiro Shinichiro Sano

Nestled down a dark, wide alleyway between two much larger buildings was SS Motors. A squat little mechanics shop where you could buy spark plugs, gas caps, and tools on the shelves, and in the back was the garage. The garage was a little smaller than the whole building, big enough to fit a car while still having enough room for the mechanic to shift how he needed.

Shinichiro Sano took tremendous pride in his little shop, even had dreams that it would be bigger and placed in a more accessible space in the city. Fixing things was his passion, ripping out the bad parts or, in his current case, gutting a whole bike frame, was also part of the fun. Normally.

"Mother-" The sounds of ricocheting tools echoed up to the shop where you were helping customers. Steel on concrete or bouncing off the other metal work tables made you cringe as you hurled excuses again and again at Shinichiro's expense.

"Our mechanic is currently indisposed." You were all kind smiles and soft words when people were asking for him. They would sigh and nod and leave names and numbers, all while hearing the temper tantrum from the back of the shop. It wasn't new and many of the patrons were ignoring it for the most part, but you still worried about Shinichiro and the temper you knew he was capable of having.

While the rest of the shoppers were busy, not that there were many in such a secluded shop, you snuck back to the garage and peeked in. Shinichiro was fixing the bike frame back on a stand, leaving you to assume that maybe he'd gotten pissed enough to kick it over. "Shini?" The sound of your voice was enough to make him take a deep breath and look over his shoulder. He looked tired, his dark eyes not even really looking at you, "It...the bike...bolts..." Shinichiro was so mad he could hardly form a coherent sentence as he waved both arms at the frame, and that was fine, you were used to piecing together the issues. "It's alright. Steady hands, remember? Take it slow." Another soft smile and a little wave as you returned back to the front counter.

Closing early was surely going to set Shinichiro off even more, if he ever came out of the garage, but you closed early despite that. It wasn't good for business if the manager slash mechanic slash owner was seen as an angry man who couldn't keep tools from becoming an airborne item. Wrenches weren't meant to be birds and bolts definitely weren't rain drops.

"Son of a bitch!"

You sat up in bed, rubbing quickly at your eyes as more clanging woke you from a short nap. It was dark and your eyes hadn't yet cleared enough for you to see the bright red lines on the alarm clock. Moonlight almost kept you from tripping over the pile of shoes, your stumble becoming a valuable reminder that you would, eventually, have to buy a shoe rack. Cold air hit you quickly as you stepped from the mini living quarter and you reached back in to grab a coat before heading back out to trudge through the shop and to the garage. It got colder the closer you got.

"Shinichiro?"

The man turned quickly, a glare set in his features, as if a sculptor had snuck in and using clay and water to fix his beautiful smile into a scowl. "It's freezing, darling, come inside." You crossed the coat over itself to pull it tighter in hopes to keep some semblance of warmth for your skin.

"Can't. This stupid fucking thing isn't working with me and now this bolt won't even line up correctly." He slammed a wrench to the ground, glaring at the gas tank he was trying to connect to the newly cleaned bike frame. "To top it off, the rust took me nearly all day to get off and I can't even track down the right kind of seat for it!" Shinichiro huffed, leaning back against the toolbox, "How am I supposed to fix this by my deadline?"

Tools and dirty rags covered the garage floor as you stepped around and over them and bigger parts, crouching next to him, "How about I hold the tank steady and you secure it, and then we go in so you can get a drink, eat dinner, then we'll go to bed?"

Shinichiro shook his head, wiping a rag at the frame as if he was doing something, though he knew he just wanted to look busy, "I set a deadline for myself, Y/n, I want, need, this damn thing to be on the streets come spring." He always reached the goals he set for himself, so you knew it would kill him for yet another deadline with this particular bike to be pushed back.

It already wasn't a promise that he would've found the frame in Puerto Rico, and then the airlines tried to run you both around in circles over the metal until you went in and dragged it out by yourself. And then all the parts up to this point had to be ordered and the deliveries were delayed due to the winter weather, further ruining Shinichiro's plans. He stayed up night after night just to get a little bit further along in the process, all while neglecting his bodies needs for food, water and sleep. Being cooped up in the cold, horribly lit garage wasn't good for him. He looked gaunt and exhausted.

A heavy sigh fell from his lips, getting trapped somewhere between the rusty trashed parts and pile of boxes filled with new parts that had yet to be used. "I can't let it sit for a long time, I'll never get back to it." His bones spoke loudly as he stood and stretched, each pop was another cry for rest.

"You'll return to it, Shini." A weight was lifted from his shoulders when you smiled like that, like you believed in every move he made and every decision he was set on. "You never leave anything unfinished, y'know." The warmth from your hands was stolen from you as you held the tank steady for him, "And you can always call on me if you need help. I can work more than a register."

He was sure you could absolutely do more than a register, but your hands weren't supposed to be covered in grease like his, or calloused like his. You were supposed to have clean hands, manicured hands, dainty hands. Yet you didn't seem to care about any of that. Not as you leaned over the de-rusted handlebars to hold the gas tank so Shinichiro could fix the washer and bolt where they belonged and tighten them.

#anime #manga #x reader #tokyo revengers #tokyo rev #tokyo rev x reader #shinichiro sano #sano shinichiro #shinichiro sano x reader

[handsome-jacks-toy]

Hindsight

"You know Rhysie? I'm so friggin glad you talked me out of that endoskeleton plan."

Jack stands up from his desk, one of two now in the large office, and walks over to Rhys.

"I mean, look at us! I have a new body. You're Co-CEO of Hyperion. And quarterly profits are through the friggin roof baby!"

Rhys chuckles at that. "Yeah Jack, not airlocking half the R&D department every month will do that."

Jack throws his head back and groans. The kid has a point, but it doesn't mean he has to like it.

"Yeah well, I still say the numbskulls had it coming."

~~~

"Aaaand that'll do it."

Jack closes the Hatch on Rhys' arm and gives it a pat for good measure. The kid lifts his arm, inspecting it this way and that.

"What, ya don't trust my handywork cupcake?"

Rhys tilts his head at him. "Nah, it's not that. I'm just, kinda surprised you know how to fix it? I know you're more of a programmer than an engineer."

Jack can't help but laugh at that one.

"Did you forget I used to be code living in your cybernetics pumpkin? The first thing I did when I got access to Hyperion systems was learn how to repair you. Couldn't have you breaking down on me."

"Helps that you got the top of the line stuff too. Holographic palm interface. Echoeye with AR overlay. 200 year internal power supply. The works. Must have cost you a pretty penny."

Rhys slips his shirt back on as he nods, "Yeah, it definitely wasn't cheap. Cost my entire yearly bonus. I was eating instant noodles for months." He shudders at the phantom taste of noodle before looking Jack in the eye.

"It was worth it though. Without it I never would have met you."

~~~

"Hey cupcake, do you remember the time you first trusted me? When you let me into your subsystems?"

Rhys pauses from reviewing the contract and looks over at him. "Yeah, how could I ever forget? It's still the most terrifying, yet exhilarating, thing I've ever done."

"More terrifying than facing down a hoard of bandits and psychos in a race to the death?"

"Oh for sure. I didn't really have a choice. I could watch my friends die, or trust you. And let's be fair, your reputation preceded you. I mean, when you woke up, the first thing you tried to do was strangle me."

Jack couldn't help but grimace at the reminder. He'd never admit it out loud, but there was a lot he regretted about how he'd treated the kid in the early days.

"So why do you ask anyway?

Jack looked back down at the contract he was writing. "Just thinking about how far we've come, you and I. And this business deal were working on feels like that moment. For me it was pure exhilaration. It was then I knew that we could do anything, and I mean anything, if we worked together. We make an amazing team pumpkin."

Jack looked up to see the fond little smile the kid had. He was directing those at him more and more these days.

Jack clapped his hands together. "Alright, no more sappy shit or I'm gonna get a rash. Back to cracking skulls and writing loopholes."

"We're not cracking any skulls Jack."

"Hey, a man can dream can't he?"

~~~

"Wake up Jack. It's time to get up. Today's the big day!"

Jack rolled over and cracked an eye open. Ugh, he'd fallen asleep with the mask on again. Sometimes he wished he hadn't opted for it on his new body, but he just didn't feel like himself without it. The man before the mask was dead and gone, and he wasn't coming back. He was Handsome Jack now.

Rhys snapped him out of his introspection with a small shake to his shoulder. "Jack, come on. You gotta get up. The meeting's in an hour."

Right, the meeting. The most important one of his life. Jack was definitely awake now. As he sat up he realized he could smell greasy goodness wafting in from the kitchen.

Food was one thing he never took for granted anymore. Go for as long as he did without a sense of taste or smell, and you really learn to appreciate the little things.

He padded into the dining room and Rhysie turned and smiled at him.

"I know you were up late working on last minute revisions, so I made you breakfast. I hope bacon and eggs are alright. There's a pot of coffee brewing too."

Jack sat at the table and took it all in. Sometimes he couldn't believe this was his life. He never thought he'd be so domestic again.

"You're a godsend cupcake, you know that? I could just kiss you."

Rhys froze as he was plating the food, before setting it in front of Jack with a smile.

"I'm glad you like it. Now hurry up, we have a busy day"

Jack dug in gleefully. It was the best thing he'd ever tasted.

~~

"Looks like everything's in order. Pleasure doing business with you gentlemen. We'll talk again soon."

Rhysie turned towards him as the holo-call ended, business facade broken. The kid was downright giddy. It was contagious if he was being honest.

"We did it Jack! We really did it! I can't believe it!"

He thought the kid was gonna faint he was so hyped up. Instead he did something Jack never expected. He reached up, grapped his lapels, and pulled him foreward into a kiss.

Jack froze in shock, before melting into it. This was better than anything he'd ever imagined. Rhysie was a surprisingly good kisser. Finally they ran out of breath and pulled away.

"I can't tell you how long I've wanted to do that. Now just felt like the right time. We made this deal together Jack. Can you believe it? Hyperion is now the biggest company in the univer-

*CRASH*

Jack's eye flew left and right, searching for the source of the noise. He couldn't see anything though, and the mic wasn't picking up anything else. It must have just been more wreckage from Helios setting.

Jack hadn't seen another living soul since the crash. It'd been years, and he didn't want to think about how many more it could be.

That daydream was nice though. He wished it hadn't ended there. But he could always start over again. Wasn't like he had much else to do.

He flexed the arm again, trying to reach the eye, but it was a futile effort. Just like every other time. He couldn't help but look again at the scattered remains around him. The eye had long since rotted and fell to the ground. The bones were all he could really see. Everyday, reminded of his greatest mistake.

"God, I miss you Rhys..."

#handsome jack #rhys strongfork #tftbl #my writing #rhack

[mindibindi]

hey! sorry for bothering you, but i as a fellow x-phile i would like to ask how credible it is that gillian anderson and david duchovny hated each other back in the day? there are probably quotes or something but i can't really judge anything this late after the fact. i did watch the show when it aired but i was too young to get into internet culture. anyway, i'm hoping for some wisdom from fans who remember this. :) thank you!

Hey Anon,

It’s no bother and thanks for the ask. And actually, after the fact is a good position from which to view this matter since, as we all now know, Gillovny’s story has a happy ending. I was around for the original run too but internet culture was very different then. Not everyone was constantly online, I certainly wasn’t. The internet was expensive and hard to access so I got a couple of hours per week tops, which I mostly used to read fanfic. (Fanfic for this show/ship was basically my fanfic writer origin story: I was like WHAT OTHER PEOPLE DO THIS TOO???!!! And btw: readers complain these days about the pressure to respond to fanfic. Back in the day, you had to compose a whole fricking email if you wanted to badger your fave author for more. And there was certainly no easy kudos button option to make you feel like you’d done your bit to encourage community. Anyway.)

There were fan sites, message boards and lots of different fanfic archives. And sure, there was some gossip but it still mostly came via old print media. Pre-social-media, there wasn’t a direct line to celebrities or any great expectation placed on them interact with fans in regular, intimate ways. The advent of social media has created these parasocial relationships in which (some) fans think they know or have a right to far more than they do. Back in the day, and istg this is true, I posted a picture of DD with Blue in the surf on some now defunct message board. The moderators removed it and v kindly said: nope, against our guidelines, no images of private moments taken without the person’s consent. I mean…. talk about boundaries! My baby fangirl ass was properly chastised and learnt a valuable lesson. I think we can learn a thing or two from early internet culture and original fans, some of which are still knocking about this site.

Anyway, all of this is to say, I don’t have any special insight here. The only people who know in any great detail what truly went on in DD and GA’s relationship is them, and maybe a few people in their immediate vicinity. But XF fans are lucky enough to stan two very honest, emotionally thoughtful people who have shared with us some of the challenges they faced during the show’s original run. And, for better or worse, when people tell you who they are, I tend to believe them. Yes, there are other fans that can probably provide you with quotes and timelines and (wild) speculation, but I think I know enough to give a fairly objective opinion on what I think actually occurred. For me, the most pertinent quote here is Gillian’s characterisation of their relationship as being like “a forced marriage”. I take this to mean that, like any marriage, there was great intimacy, respect, cooperation and commitment. Maybe even love. But there was also a lack of choice that caused tension, despite multiple positive relational elements.

“Tension” is a word that has also been applied to their late-90s relationship and I think it’s probably more accurate. I don’t think they HATE hated each other. But I think they probably had fleeting moments of feeling: OMG this person is getting on my last sane nerve, I cannot stand to be around them another fricking second. I think the protracted and concentrated intimacy of their circumstances gave rise to SOME super understandable negative feelings that ultimately, did not define the true nature of their relationship, either then or now. I don’t think those feelings were all there was, even back then. I don’t think these two were epic lovers any more than they were bitter enemies. I think they were just two human beings attempting to function under super intense scrutiny and an extremely gruelling work schedule. And that at times resulted in tension or irritation which they found ways around. Talking to each other only as Mulder and Scully may sound terrible to some but I think it’s a rather ingenious way to conserve their energy for their jobs. It shows an incredible commitment to their characters, to the show and to the contribution the other was bringing to that celebrated dynamic. They knew it was important so that's where they focused.

We have all had times in relationships where we’ve needed some space, even from someone we like, love, respect and value. If anyone was struggling to understand this dynamic between DD and GA then recent experiences of lockdown should have provided some insight into this kind of intense forced intimacy. Now, I have never been married but I’ve lived with people and that experience will make you loathe how a person walks, breathes, sleeps, eats, does the smallest, most insignificant things. It’s not the permanent state of your relationship. It’s just a passing reaction. It does not matter how much you might like or appreciate this person. In one bright flash, they become the most infuriating person to ever walk the planet. Then you go into another room or go to work and the feeling fades. But what happens when you can’t get away, you actually can’t get the sort of space a healthy relationship needs? We all saw how lockdown increased the pressure on all relationships, especially partnerships and marriages. There was pressure within and without and people reacted naturally to profoundly unnatural circumstances. That’s all that happened here.

Now, it must be pointed out that even during periods of the original run when their relationship was supposedly suffering, there is footage of them having fun on-set and ruining takes by making out. This supports the idea that any “hate” was an understandable but impermanent reaction for both. Actually, I think it is highly admirable that they were able to collaborate together and remain individually sane while experiencing such relational tension. It shows incredible personal fortitude and professional commitment. They stayed focused and pragmatic and, to me, there is never any indication that their personal struggles impacted the final product. In fact, I believe they actually enhanced Mulder and Scully’s relationship in those middle years of the original run when they too were experiencing some growing pains in their relationship. I’m thinking of the raw emotion in that end scene of “Elegy” and the palpable impatience and antagonism in “Gethsemane”. I’m thinking of the division and sadness in the hospital scene in “The Red and the Black” and throughout “The End”. Like Mulder and Scully, David and Gillian have some fundamental similarities and some very distinct differences. For the first few years of the series they were living very different lives. It took them time to attune to each other, just as it took Mulder and Scully time to fully absorb the many intricate dimensions of their relationship. As DD and GA grew older, their lives became more similar and their understanding of each other likewise grew. And honestly, I think it’s somewhat hypocritical and inhuman to appreciate the many complex beats of the M/S relationship as it plays out on-screen, but then judge their real-life counterparts as they tread an equally complex path towards true understanding, appreciation and love.

I haven’t watched TXF in years and in my recent rewatch, I was surprised actually at just how combative this relationship could be. I had only remembered all the sweet, shippy bits! But (and I should not really have to point this out) that's also what is so compelling to watch. The conflict. The contrast. The difference (not just in height, although their physical difference does act as a powerful symbol of their mismatched but ultimately complementary dynamic). The difference and yes, even at times tension, between David and Gillian only adds to a dynamic that so many have tried and failed to emulate (RIP to any reboot of this show. This show IS DD and GA’s chemistry. End of.). I can’t be mad or disappointed about Gillovny’s 90s tension, so carefully navigated by both actors, because fuck me does it work for the MSR angst! D’you think we’d have so many delicious angsty fanfics if these two had been sunshine-y, tension-less best buds every step of the way?? Not only is some tension an understandable human reaction that I believe they have every right to, it adds dimension to an epically URSTy relationship that could have gotten boring (and kinda did towards the end, let's be real). There is an added, honest, brave truth to the moments of impatience, frustration, disagreement and division in the M/S relationship because DD and GA experienced these things themselves in the context of their equally intense working relationship. I think the actors continued to mine their own tension and express it through Mulder and Scully, which again is a super creative and healthy way to protect their working relationship and serve the M/S relationship. A relationship in which they were invested, but also a relationship that was central to the show and important to so many fans.

In time, the more intense M/S moments lost their bite. The relationship became softer, less combative, more appreciative. The LA move decreased the actor’s isolation and gave the show a new tone. Gillian is on record saying how strange it was for her when David disappeared in later seasons. And we all know the story of the 10 min post-"Existence" embrace (if you don’t let me know). So this story has a neat and satisfying ending even if Mulder and Scully never really got theirs. As evidenced by the second movie and reboot, nothing was destroyed. The chemistry remains (even if it’s not served by quality plot, development, context and characterisation). These human beings and artists did their best under difficult circumstances. They protected the work, the characters and their relationship. In fact, I would venture to suggest that the wild appreciation they show for each other now, the enduring chemistry we see on-screen and the palpable enjoyment they feel at the other’s presence any time they get the opportunity to reunite is in part due to how they navigated their early years as mismatched colleagues thrown together and expected to work closely under immense pressure. Thanks to David and Gillian, hate never took root. And now, in DD’s words, all that’s left is the heart.

#txf #the x files #msr #mulder x scully #fox mulder #dana scully #gillian anderson #david duchovny #gillovny #90s tension #ask #ask a question of me and you will get an essay #any aunty fangirls with further info or thoughts are free to chime in #but hate will be blocked

[writeouswriter]

.....what do you mean "dial up the internet?" did you have to call someone to turn it on for you?

I... I honestly can't tell if this is a joke or not. 😭

But I'll take it as serious because apparently everyone else prior to 2015 was having fun on their nice and fast internet here except me, which is fair! So congrats on being one of today's lucky 10000.jpeg.

It does technically involve the telephone, but not exactly in that way. I'm not calling anyone, but the internet itself is, sort of?

Wikipedia describes dial-up Internet as "a form of Internet access that uses the facilities of the public switched telephone network to establish a connection to an Internet service provider by dialing a telephone number on a conventional telephone line."

Basically dial up is a now outdated form of internet that used a standard phone line and analog modem to access the Internet at data transfer rates of up to 56 Kbps. It was released commercially around 1992 but fell out of popularity in the early to mid 2000s after the introduction of commercial broadband in the late 1990s, except in rural or poorer areas where it tended to persist for a little while longer. (Hello from the rural areas.) Anyway, a dial-up connection is the least expensive way to access the Internet, but is also the slowest connection. (When I was a kid, I tried to watch a three minute video of the "I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas" song, and it took me at least an hour to load it without buffering. Though text based pages or images would maybe take a few minutes or so, so it wasn't like completely unusable.)

Also, due to how it's set up, you can't use the telephone (home phone) while connected, and if you were to try, it would make what we all know as the classic internet sounds, that you've probably heard even if you didn't know what it was: Pshhhkkkkkkrrrr​kakingkakingkakingtsh​chchchchchchchcch​*ding*ding*ding*. That's terrible phonetics, but I just took that off a search, I wasn't gonna try to type the sound out myself. This, anyway: X.

It honestly baffles me when people don't know what dial-up is, makes me feel old, but I can't hold it against anyone because if you didn't live in a rural area, most people got high speed or some variant thereof really really early on, and most people younger than me and even some older have always had it, so dial-up internet Georg (me), who still couldn't get a single image of a Nicolas Cage meme to load 8 years after the invention of the iPhone is an outlier and should not have been counted, apparently.

On that note, the store where I work at has frequent power outages, which always knocks out the internet to the debit machine, so I'll be like, sorry, we're on dial-up, and some people will smugly be like "oh I bet you don't remember dial-up," and I'll be like, "No, I, I had dial-up like all through high school," and their eyes will go wide, but I think it's mostly because 1. I look like I'm 12, but I'm very much not 12. and 2. Again, people not used to the rural experience, catches 'em off guard.

#dial up internet #ask #long post #my internet is still so slow I might as well have dial up some days my goodness

[pugs-cats-bb-8]

Persona 5-The Daybreakers

This has never been dubbed into English, it is subbed through. Just letting people know.

I love Morgana 🤣🤣

They have to go down to the train station to access Mementos? I thought they entered from above. So they just disappear into thin air?

So this takes place sometime after Yusuke.

Why does Ren look pissed and disinterested?

I love the shot of them getting in.

Ren drives like I do. 🤣🤣

I can drive the cat. No, I can't.

They make Akechi even prettier 🥰🥰Also his eyes look more red here.

This dude looks like Wonder.

I know that beer brand 🤣🤣

Pink chalk?

Yusuke's friend looks like a wet puppy.

Does the game ever ask "Why don't they go to the police"? Like I know it's established pretty early on that the police aren't going to do anything (the game's words, not mine) and that's basically why the Phantom Thieves exist.

Ren is pretty 😍😍 And basically stalking that dude. Way to take tips from your boyfriend🤣🤣

I've never seen Ren wear a cross-body bag. Minus that uh, fashion disaster (IMHO) of a collab with a tourism thingy.

Damn, he really pissed... and hot.

Ren looked normal for a frame. Is this an AU? Like Ren's harder than usual.

Why does he react like he forgot Morgana was there? 🤣🤣

My man is risking his ass using Leblanc. Like I remember reading about this on the Wikia but really. I like how they weren't concerned about using Leblanc. Like really, especially cause Ren could get kicked out, property could be damaged, Morgana could get hurt, Sojiro could get hurt if he walks in. Not to mention it's just plain rude to be that careless. Ren has balls.

Where'd the panic light come from? They don't have Futaba yet. Iwai!?

If it wasn't Makigami? then who was it?

It was his brother, Yusuke's wet puppy friend. 😲😲

He's the leader? I thought he was the lackey😲😲 I thought the older dude was the leader.

That transformation was uh...

Where'd the bloody Oni come from? I thought we were fighting Mitras.

Add in the onion bird.

Ren is badass 😍😍🥵🥵

If Arsene's gonna get more lines. I would love it if it got dubbed. That's part of the reason I kept him. 😋😋😋😋

I like how they do baton pass all athletic and dramatic.

Long legs 😍😍

What I wouldn't give to be his position. 😍😍

"The arrogance in your heart. I stole it". (I accidentally flipped it although I think it works better the other way). It reminds me of a line from dancing. "Did you enjoy the show? Well, until next time". 🥵😍

Although, it sounds like intil to me. Same thing happened with Ippon Datara. I thought it was Ippon Tatara. In my defense, I had to learn what his voice sounded like.

Wait, this dude is a Mementos Mission. He's a combo of 2MM. 6/18 you get The Phantom Thieves vs. Burglary Ring. The story matches up halfway and the dude's name is Makigami but it never mentions him having a brother. It's even the same shadow. Fake-Man Show in 3rd sem has a brother that he abused and he says the same thing as his shadow disappears.

Morgana's dopey face. Maybe because I have it paused? 🤣🤣

Pretty girl in the crowd.

Just hear a random cat and find a key and a note 🤣🤣. That's how we got some of our cats. Minus the key and note.

He's kinda cute. Why does he look like a mix of Akechi and Natsume? But add in wet puppy.

😍😍😍🥵 Fuckin' gorgeous shot. Reminds me of when Morgana's floating away at the end/near the end of 5.

They went straight into Kaneshiro, without Makoto? I wish the game did that. 🤣🤣 Maybe it was near Kanoshiro to begin with.

So, that was a test run? I don't know how to word it. It makes sense, given that Ren's not that confident when he starts. It does provide insight on what thiefy lengths Ren is capable of.

A-1 (Steak Sauce🤭) animated this? It looks amazing. What happened between episode 0 and 1? Come to think of it they did the opening for Radiant Historia too. Which also looks great and it's on the 3DS. I think they also did a couple of P3 movies too. So, why does the anime look like it does?

#ren amamiya #persona 5 #The Daybreakers #long post #Youtube

[artemisdesari-blog]

Readers, Readers Everywhere, And Barely A Comment Between Them.

Okay, so my title may be a little misleading in my case at this particular moment in time. My current long fic is doing incredibly well for comments by my standards. My standards being based on when I was writing for The Hobbit and I was lucky to get six comments a chapter. I'm getting somewhat more than that now I've jumped fandoms to Star Wars, but the number of comments per chapter has still dramatically dropped now that I'm on eighty-nine chapters compared to what I was getting when I was on only twelve chapters. That's alright, I expect that because people have limited abilities to keep up with reading fic, especially ridiculously long ones like mine has turned into. This particular rant is more for the benefit of others than myself. I'm being thoroughly spoilt right now, but it hasn't always been like that.

My current feast does, however, show me just how important comments are to writers, whether that's here, on AO3, or Wattpad, or even FFN (which I abandoned a few years ago because, frankly, it's dying a slow death and I can't face watching it, a topic for another time). There are many types of writer, from the ones who get an idea and just meander their way through it until they have a story, to the ones who get an idea and meticulously plan every detail, and everyone who falls on some spectrum of in between. There are the ones who focus on one story at a time, and the ones who pump out two or three or a dozen different ones a week. There are the people who write drabbles and one shots, the people who write short stories, the people who write long stories, and the people who are attempting to outdo the longest published stories written. Some post as they go, some have a buffer, some write the whole thing before they post. Some write because they have an idea and simply want to explore it, some want to fix canon, and some people are going through some stuff (or have been through it) and are using writing to help them deal.

All that to say, writers come in all shapes and sizes and motivations. They are all very different, but they are all the same in one area; if they are writing fanfiction they are not getting paid. And if they are getting paid then they're breaking several copyright laws and putting fanfiction at risk of a repeat of the Anne Rice incidents 20+ years ago. So don't pay for it, the rest of us don't want corporate lawyers up our arses.

For those of us who have been around for longer than tik tok and tumblr and even Facebook, we remember the early days of online fanfiction. We remember the purges on livejournal and FFN. We remember when fanfic was scattered about the Internet, never all in one place and sometimes only accessible if you jumped through loads of hoops to get passwords. The people just discovering it today have no idea how lucky you are. But even in those days we got comments. In fact, in those days they were more abundant. I know that sounds like rose tinted glasses, but a quick look through stories posted ten years ago on AO3 versus stories posted now shows a similar trend. The art of the comment is dying.

Now, before anyone shouts "you write for yourself" or "but you're not entitled to comments", I am aware of both. But guess what. If I'm writing for myself and myself alone, why should I bother sharing it?

Writing is hard. Going through it and editing and spellchecking and making sure the grammar is at least passable is hard work. A lot of us do this when we probably (definitely in my case) should be doing other things. I write for myself, yes, because I want to explore how the story will come out. I post because I enjoy sharing, but I enjoy sharing far less when the response I get is crickets. Shouting into the void is not enjoyable, it does not make the work of editing and all the rest seem worth it. Shouting into the void tears apart any enjoyment I might have derived from crafting a line of dialogue or putting together a scene.

I'm not entitled to comments. This I know. I know it all too well. But guess what? Readers aren't entitled to my hard work either. Comments are what keep us going. They are what feeds the muse when we're otherwise in a pit of writers block. They're what helps us work around an awkward plot point when a reader says "but I wonder what will happen when X discovers Y". Comments are what get us to think "I haven't posted this week, I need to get that chapter out", or if it was an absolute beast to write seeing that people enjoyed it makes it worthwhile. I will and have dropped stories that get no engagement, because shouting to the void damages my mental health. It makes my work and effort feel absolutely worthless and I refuse to do that to myself. I know I can see the hit counters increasing, but that could be someone who clicked accidentally, or didn't like the opening chapter and moved on. Comments are essential to keeping up my motivation and while I will never have the absolute audacity to demand a certain number of comments before I update, I will stop. Because my time is valuable to me and I won't spend it doing something that leaves me feeling terrible and worthless.

And I know, people have been known to link some of my stories in rec blogs (I've seen it done), I have a commenter who tells me they read it with their friends. I know other writers who have stumbled on their fic being discussed in fandom discords or on blogs or tik tok, or have been told that it's a subject in a group chat. But guess what? Unless we obsessively search everywhere on the Internet for even a hint that our work is being talked about, we never see that. We never hear about it. The one person who wants to hear you thoughts, who can provide the answers to your questions and the resolution to the plot point, is the person you've cut out of the discussion. It's the person who is looking at their inbox and email and becoming more and more demoralised because there's kudos, and the hit counter is going up, but no one is saying anything.

I know some people have been burned by picky writers in the past. I'm actually not one of the ones who cares. I will take a heart, I will take someone writing "kudos", I will take a sentence or a paragraph or a 4000 word essay (which would be longer than 90% of my chapters but the point stands). What I can't take, and the same goes for many writers, is silence. So please, I beg of you, for the sake of writers everywhere, resurrect the art of the comment.

Feed us, we're starving.

#fanfiction #ao3 fanfic #ao3 writer #writing is hard #Leaving comments is an art #Feed your writer #fanfic writing #archive of our own

[natashacoco]

Sorry to bother you again 😅😅😅

Can you do another headcanon for Lewis Tan x reader where the reader is an assassin or something along those lines and if you want, Lewis trying to protect the reader as a bodyguard???

I am so sorry that this took forever and I hope that you end up seeing this anon, for some reason this got lost in my inbox somehow for who knows how long and ofc tumblr notifications suck and I just saw this due to another notification i got recently. I tweaked it just a little bit to make things flow just a little more but otherwise, here you go bb

The game: cat and mouse.

The players: You and Lewis.

The objective: you were a trained assassin with a target close to somebody Lewis cared about and he could never know that the person he thought he was protecting needed it more than he thought he did when it came to you.

It started out simply enough, you were assigned a target from your underworld shadow organization. You never questioned why you were being sent or the reason why the picture of the person needed to be "dealt with", but that was just the way it went. Unbridled and unquestioning loyalty imbued in you for as long as you could remember

Your assignment was easy, watch and monitor a target for intel

Unless of course they had to be taken care of. If that was the case, make it look like an accident or a mugging gone too far, by any means necessary

Simple enough, right?

You were used to working in the shadows, stalking your targets and learning their habits and routines better than they did it themselves.

You "accidentally" bump into them one day and end up cloning their phone for easy access to their lives

You find that their routine is almost identical every week without fail, never once faltering or changing

Monday: leave the house at 8:20-8:25 to get to work by 9. Maybe a quick stop by their favorite coffee shop with that 10 minute window they allowed themselves.

Tuesday night: hit the gym

Wednesday: Try a new restaurant with friends

Thursday: stay late at the office so they can leave early on Friday

Friday: meetings in the morning followed by a night of takeout and nights spent at home.

You can't believe that you were sent on this mission, it's almost comical at home easy it'll be to take out your target

It's not until a break in their routine when things start to become a little more complicated.

You notice small changes in your targets schedule after a couple of weeks that don't bother or raise suspicions

it isn't until you start combing through their e-mails and notice the late night calls you listen in on.

That's when you realize why they've become your target: they've found some discrepancies within their company and they're planning on becoming a whistle blower

Your target ends up becoming more erratic at work, outbursts to people, constantly looking over his shoulder. You find yourself smiling and wondering if he can somehow feel your ever hovering presence.

His righteous paranoia comes to a head when he decides to hire a personal bodyguard from one of the best independent security companies in the city.

That's when you're introduced to Lewis Tan

Tall, handsome, tattoos littered all over his body and a professional martial artist

Your interests are piqued of course, not that he'd be able to stop you but that this assignment just got a lot more interesting

You decide to test the waters with how adequate Lewis is with protecting his client

You start off small, following them as they set up a new routine that's completely different from the one your target started with

You scope out the new surveillance camera and system that Lewis has installed

It's simple enough to bypass the system with your skill set, even looping the footage for later use

You decide to tease your target a little more and hack into his personal computer, leaving no hints or clues for him to find

Finally after weeks of observing and reporting to your superiors, you're given the go ahead to take out the target before they're moved to a secure safe house set up by Lewis's team

You expertly end up setting up a Trojan Horse malware that ends up destroying the evidence on the targets computers along with any and all copies made on that computer

thanks to your surveillance over the weeks you know that the original piece of evidence is currently sitting in a safety deposit box under a fake name at the city bank.

That'd be your first stop tomorrow morning before the bank opens and notices it missing by the time Lewis and his team arrive to retrieve it

Your chance comes when a storm hits the town and the power goes out (thanks to a little help of course). No lights, no phones, nothing works

you sneak into the house, completely under the cover of darkness and shadows

You know exactly where your target is

it seems like hours rather than minutes before you've sneaked up behind them

like your assignment you take out your target, making sure it looks like an "accident"

just as easily you sneak out of the house, once again returning to the shadows.

#Lewis tan #Lewis tan x reader #lewis tan x assassin! reader #lewis tan headcannon #this took for fucking ever #i hope you see this anon #shadow and bone #mortal kombat

[newgenog]

REVENGE

Notes: This is part three of chapter four. If you're just stumbling across this, and haven't already done so, please stop and start by reading part one of chapter one.

This #Batwoman AU is based on the ABC tv series #Revenge. Ryan Wilder made a choice to be a hero on Batwoman. What happens when she chooses a different path?

Part 3 is short, but remember I've got parts in total for your. A lot happens in this chapter, so it'll be worth it, I promise!

Enjoy this snack.

CHAPTER FOUR - DUPLICITY (Part Three)

Ryan goes after the psychologist who evaluated her after her mom’s death, and determined that she should serve out her time in a youth correctional facility.

JUNE 30TH, 9:00AM, THE HOLD UP

At ten minutes before 9am, Sophie was the first one at the bar, but not for long, because Tyler was right behind her with his laptop bag thrown over his shoulder and a coffee in each hand. 

Sophie: "Morning."

Tyler: "Wasn't sure how you take it, but figured you'd have milk or sugar here, anyway."

When he reaches the bar, he hands her a cup, and she nods in thanks. Her sister and Angelique walk in, next.

Sophie: "We can work in the office. I just need a minute."

Jordan: "Tell me why we're here two hours early, again. And why is there a Crow in our bar?"

Sophie: "If you want more freedom, you're going to have to train Angelique to do more than bartend."

Jordan: "Isn't that your job, boss?"

Sophie: "Actually, my job is to tell you what yours is, and this morning, it's training Angelique. Tyler, let's go."

She spares herself Jordan's eye roll and any forced small talk with Angelique by quickly turning and heading towards the office without checking to make sure Tyler followed her. He said he followed the chain of command…If they were going to work together, he might as well start falling in line now. When she sits behind her desk, he's already begun taking the seat in front of her.

Tyler: "I can't believe you hired that ex-con. And isn't she an addict?"

Sophie: "I didn't, my mom did. And she's recovered. Also, what if we judge the system that failed her instead of the person who fell victim to it. And I thought you weren't here about my restaurant management skills."

Tyler: "Okay, didn't mean to offend your bestie."

Sophie: "Wrong again. I think I'm starting to see why Jacob Kane needs my help if this is your people reading A-game."

Tyler: "Wow! You're really not a morning person are you?"

Sophie: "Tyler…Before we travel beyond the point of return, why don't we discuss what you came for?"

Tyler: "Fine with me. You were so closed to the idea of working with us the other night, we never settled on your terms. I need an agreement and NDA signed before I can show you anything."

Sophie: "I'm five grand a week. Take it or leave it, if you even have the authority to make that decision."

Tyler smirks.

Tyler: "I do."

Sophie: "And since you came to me, we do things my way. I need access to everything. You guys are the ones with corruption, and if I'm going to find out what's going on, it won't be by piecemealing information together because your boss wants to keep secrets. You never know what's relevant, so I need it all. If I ask questions you won't answer, I'm out."

Tyler: "Be reasonable. Even I don't have that much clearance."

Sophie: "And maybe that's why you're failing. I'll sign whatever is required, but get me the clearance, or there's no point."

Tyler takes a beat to think, not breaking eye contact with her. Jacob had a lot of conviction around Sophie Moore, and her reputation from her time with the DOD in National City did precede her. He pulls out a Crows branded folder, opens it and writes something on a sheet of paper. He turns it around so Sophie can read the print. He's written the date and her fee onto a contract on the lines that were left blank. The file already has Jacob Kane's signature on it, and there are other pages behind it."

Tyler: "We're giving you a ten thousand dollar sign on. Boss said to double your rate for that. The NDA is behind it. Sign that, and I'll let you get started looking through what I was already working on while I make a call about your clearance. Worst case, you were paid for your consult today."

Sophie really can't fathom walking away from ten thousand dollars for two hours of her time. She quickly scans the documents, and then grabs a pen and signs. She looks up, and flips her palm out so he can give her whatever he needs reviewed. He drops a flash drive into her hand. 

Tyler: "Password is question everyone. Question mark, capital E for every, the number one."

Sophie gives him a grimace instead of a smile as he turns and walks out of the room, she assumes to call Jacob. She calls out to him before he's out of earshot.

Sophie: "I'm making copies of this."

She puts the drive into her computer and starts scrolling through the files and folders. One folder quickly catches her eye, and compulsion completely wins out over her ethics for a moment. She opens the file, which has very little in it, and prays her semi-photographic memory doesn't let her down this time, as she tries to retain everything her eyes can see.

She hears footsteps approaching and quickly closes out of the file she was reading, just barely resisting the unexplainable urge to delete it. 

~~~~~

12 HOURS LATER 

Mary takes a seat at the bar, big sister sitting again, and Jordan comes over to greet her.

Mary: "You look beat."

Jordan: "Sophie's had us here all day, and she's barely come out of that office."

Mary catches a glimpse of a petite, latinx looking, late-twenty something with a high pony, shuffling around in a hurry behind Jordan and raises a brow.

Mary: "Us? Who's the new girl?"

Jordan: "Her name's Angelique. My mom hired her. She's cool, I guess."

Mary: "Still deciding, eh?"

Jordan cracks a small smile. She's always liked Mary. 

Jordan: "Do you want me to try to get Sophie to come out?"

Mary: "I'm not going anywhere anytime soon. She's gotta pee or something eventually, right? And, I can bug you for a while instead."

Jordan laughs while shaking her head no.

Jordan: "I think they taught her how to forget she has a bladder at Point Rock."

Mary: "Even soldiers have to go at some point. I'll bust her out of there eventually if she takes too long."

Jordan: "You are pretty good at convincing her to do stuff. I'll have to remember that."

Mary: "Depending on the ask, I'm happy to lend my services. She doesn't always know what's good for her."

Jordan: "Girl…! You know what? I'll be here all night if I start on that right now. Let me go see what your evil not-twin and her lackeys want to order."

Mary: "I'm following up on that other part when you get back!"

Jordan walks over to the cartoon crew, who seem like characters of themselves, and asks if they want their usual. They barely acknowledge her, because they're being too rowdy. She notices Tatiana is missing and likes them even less. So she takes them basically ignoring her as a yes, and walks off. 

Tatiana is returning from the restroom and catches Jordan heading back behind the bar. So, she takes a seat at it instead of going straight back to the table. When Jordan notices her, she walks over before entering the table's order.

Jordan: "Thought maybe you finally realized there are better people to hang out with than those Lord of the Flies wannabes."

Tatiana: "Throwback! No, I haven't ditched them yet."

Jordan: "Why is that again?"

She shrugs.

Tatiana: "They keep inviting me out, and I don't like to say no."

Jordan lifts her eyebrows, implying, 'if you say so…'

Jordan: "I was just about to put their usual order in. Want anything different?"

Tatiana: "You don't like us, but you have our order memorized?"

Jordan: "I remember everyone's order. It's like remembering a nickname for me. And why'd you group yourself with them like that?"

Tatiana: "Because you never came out again after that one time. Thought maybe I pissed you off too."

Jordan: "Oh, um…my mom got sick the night I went out with you guys, which felt like Karma telling me to chill. So, I've been trying to help out a little more. But you and I are cool. I do wish you had different friends though."

Tatiana: "You could invite me out with your friends sometime."

Jordan: "As soon as I make some, you'll be the first to know." 

Jordan salutes Tatiana, and then turns to finally place the order. It wasn't that Jordan literally had no friends, but she was never the type to go out. She took a year off of school because she thought she should live a little prior to tackling even greater education.

School, running, volunteering, and activism were her life. She liked long distance running because it didn't feel like a team sport; she could be as good at it as she wanted all on her own. And she was smart, but she wasn't a straight A student because she'd rather go to a protest than go to class, so she missed assignments here and there. In fact, one teacher called her "a missed opportunity." 

So while she was accepted everywhere she applied, she wasn't getting any full rides to college. And even though she was more or less a good kid, she was too busy to help out at the restaurant throughout most of high school. All the work she'd been doing around the bar recently wasn't exactly the "living," she imagined she'd be doing though. The temptation to cut loose was sometimes strong, and the wonderland gang almost made it too easy, so she'd given herself one night off of loathing them to see what the hype was about. It didn't end up being worth it.

Mary calls her over after she's done keying the order into the computer. She'd watched the exchange with Tatiana, and is curious.

Mary: "So, are you guys, like, friends now or something?"

Jordan: "I don't know. She's not exactly like them, but she doesn't seem bothered by them, and that makes her questionable."

Mary: "So you inherited that 'save the girl' Moore thing?"

Jordan: "What's that?"

Mary: "Even without the career, Sophie will put herself in harm's way for someone she thinks might be worthy enough to have their back. That's Tatiana for you."

Jordan: "You saying I have some sort of savior complex?"

Mary: "I'm saying you're a good person, but make sure your back is covered when you're busy watching someone else's, too. Not everyone worthy of being saved can or wants to be saved. It might be trying to help them that causes you the most harm."

Jordan nods in understanding, and agreement to think about what Mary said before heading back out to check on her other tables.

~~~~~

To be continued...

Happy Week of Lesbian visibility (wildmoore represents us so well)

All #Batwoman things I do now are in the name of #SaveBatwoman. Go follow all the social handles and support the cause, please.

#wmw23 #wildmoore week #wildmoore #batwoman #fanfic #ryan wilder #ryan x sophie #sophie moore #save batwoman #lgbtq

[sunset-peril]

Trial of the Zora Armor - Epilogue - Revelations at Vah Ruta

Author's Note: I wanted to mention something before this Epilogue began. Both Sidon and Dorephan's quotes that follow Link's request to hear about Mipha are direct quotes from Breath of the Wild. They can be accessed after "The Champions' Ballad" is unlocked by the player prompting Link to ask about Mipha. The opening lines are also a direct quote from the game. They can be accessed by re-defeating Waterblight in "The Champions' Ballad," but are randomly accessed along with four other interactions with Mipha.

~~~~

*One Hundred Years Later*

~~~~

Link... How much do you remember of what took place between us one hundred years ago?

Do you know why that Zora Armor fits you so perfectly?

His head snapped up. Link looked over both shoulders in expectation of finding someone there. He then looked down at himself, expecting to find the Zora Armor he was not wearing, before remembering that the voice came from deep inside Vah Ruta.

There are many things I hope you will remember, but if you can't recall those memories, I suppose it can't be helped.

As for me... I shall never forget.

Confusion slowly spread through his mind. What happened one hundred years ago that people couldn't stop talking about?

Zelda was important, sure, she was the sole reason this world still existed.

But why was everyone always wanting to talk about her and the Hyrule of one hundred years ago? It made no sense! That world was long gone, its ashes had become this world's new ground. There was no way to bring the Champions of old and their Royal Family back, even he had acclimated to this new world instead of holding onto the past.

Was this world so captivated by that destruction that they lay obsessed? Were the Champions, their surviving family and descendants, and the few Sheikah who were still alive just incapable of letting a kingdom that had died so abruptly go?

Maybe there were still too many pieces of his memory missing. King Dorephan was alive, both now and during that time, perhaps asking him about Mipha and the past would unlock something deep inside him to answer the burning questions he had. He headed down the mountain, then remembered the Shrine inside the Domain and teleported into the heart of the Zora Kingdom.

"My dearest friend! Hello!" A large, red Zora greeted almost as soon as the teleportation was complete. "How lovely of you to visit the Domain even after Vah Ruta has been tamed!"

The visitor wasn't exactly who he wanted to talk to, but he wasn't an enemy face. Sidon might even be able to give him a starting place.

"Sidon." His voice was soft, confused and anguished, as he looked up to meet the Zora's gaze and walked out of the small room. "Tell me about Mipha."

"You wish to speak of my sister? Yes, I am always happy to do so."

This brought a little peace.

"Actually... I recently remembered something, a fuzzy memory from my early childhood. There was a swordsman that came by every so often and spent a considerable amount of time with Mipha. At the time, it felt like he was stealing my sister away from me. I know better now. But... that swordsman... It was you, Link. I am certain of it. I do hope my bluntness has not offended you. Had things gone differently," Sidon trailed, Link felt a new tension bubble up. "You might have been my sister's husband... My brother-in-law... Oh! My apologies. I got carried away and let my imagination run wild. Please forget my childish musings, my friend!"

The apology came too late. The uneasiness that came upon Link whenever Mipha's romantic feelings were mentioned had already struck.

He found himself feeling worse than before. "Alright... thank you, Sidon." Link headed to the throne room as soon as Sidon nodded in acknowledgement. "Your Majesty..." Link bowed deeply, allowing his right leg to become flat on the ground.

"Link... How good it is to see your face. What is on your mind?"

Link cringed, hoping that his question would not devolve into yet another 'You know Mipha loved you, right?' conversation. While most times he could brush off the uneasiness, nod casually or be completely affected, right now he needed a helpful reply. "...Could you tell me about Mipha?"

"Yes, of course you wish to hear about our dear Mipha. I am sure it would bring her peace to know she is on your mind." The king took a deep breath. "Mipha was always kind, from the day she was born. She was equally as kind to her own as she was to complete strangers. When you first took to visiting us, back when you were but a child, she adored you like a brother. However, as you know, Hylians age much faster than us. Eventually you grew so much, she began to look up to you... As Mipha's diary plainly states... it was not long before she developed strong feelings for you. A Zora princess falling in love with a Hylian swordsman... It reminds me of a Zora legend of old. That is why I welcomed the idea of you and Mipha becoming husband and wife. It is a shame you two never had the chance to see what might have been..."

Oh great. Link was starting to lose patience with the only people who remembered him. Maybe Impa would have been a better idea. Or Purah. Or pretty much anyone else. "Mipha's Diary?" He hoped he didn't sound as peeved as he felt.

After all, Dorephan didn't have to discuss his late daughter.

"Ah, of course. Mipha's diary was found just recently. Its discovery brought me much joy. It is on that table over there." Dorephan pointed to a conspicuous table that Link felt stupid for not noticing earlier. "I do not mind if you choose to read it. I am sure Mipha would forgive you anything."

Finally. Something helpful. Link would have to scrunge through all Mipha's romantic-related thoughts about him, but it would be her words and not someone's edited version of them. He went over, trying hard not to appear like he was making a beeline by walking towards the exit and glancing over several times like curiosity was taking over. He flipped it open, scanning through the pages. He could take it all in later when he was feeling better.

Him visiting when he was four... another visit ten years later when he already had the sword... a Ploymus Mountain adventure... oh great, here it all comes...

Link flipped faster until he came upon a retelling of the Zora Legend about the Zora princess falling in love with a Hylian swordsman, a prayer for the princess' courage... and a scribbled out page. Behind that page, another had been torn out. Both seemed so uncharacteristic for Mipha. Upon closer inspection, he discovered a pocket's opening near the spine of the book. Carefully, he pried it open and a multitude of different things fell out.

The first he noticed was the ripped out page.

Link visited the Domain once again. While I am always elated to see him, my heart felt somewhat disturbed. Perhaps this is because Zelda came by only about a week or two ago.

She had seemed a bit nervous as her time here passed, and although the whole reason for her solo trek was to speak with me, she seemed to avoid my gaze.

When the time came that we found a moment to ourselves, she asked me for a blessing. A blessing to propose to Link. At first I thought she was kidding, but just one glance told me she was somberly serious.

Zelda is the future sovereign of all the nations, no other ruler can be given a title that outweighs hers outside their own boundaries, yet she gazed into my eyes as if she hinged on my permission. I cannot understand it.

Of course, I gave the blessing to her. I wish she could see the power of her position in a way where she does not feel the need to grovel, and I wish for her happiness just as much as my own. I have lived for her entire life, I saw with my own eyes how she shut down after the assassination... Within these past two years, she's come back to life. I dare not be the reason that darkness returns.

This... was much different from the Mipha the Zora had been so eager to help him remember. Had the kingdom she left behind altered her words that drastically? Could he even trust what he'd learned about his fallen friends?

I could have turned right around and given the armor to Link before Zelda could get a chance to propose... her relationship with him is illegal, unlike mine. But I didn't. My whole self allowed her to go first.

I guess I didn't expect him to say yes.

Link stumbled back and blinked.

"Oh ho! What did you find, Champion?"

With the paper clutched tight, Link's eyes focused on the Zora king. "I-I was... engaged? T-To Zelda?"

"Mmm, much more than engaged, you two were married."

Link's voice fell apart even more. "M-M-Married? But... she's the princess!"

"As was our dear Mipha. Prior to the Calamity, you and Princess Zelda were happily married. She was even expecting your first child. Ah, how those last months were full of turmoil... but you loved her and the baby dearly... what did you two name them again? Hmmm, let's see..."

Link looked down at the spilled contents of the diary. Had this all been hidden away because it showed he loved Zelda instead of Mipha? And a child? Was there anything about them? He set the ripped page down and scrambled through the remaining papers and pictures. Sure enough, he found a small picture of his wedding. He recognized the spot as what was now the Sand Seal Racing Track. There was Daruk, Mipha, Revali, Urbosa, a female Rito that he didn't quite recognize... and in the middle of the group were him and Zelda. They had hands clasped lovingly, as if they were posing for their own picture in the midst of the rest, and she was wearing the most beautiful dress he'd ever seen. Well, obviously he'd seen it before, but not since his memories were taken. Her head was snuggled up onto his shoulder, his heart began to race as if the picture had been the something he'd been looking for all his life. Link felt every part of his being wanting to cry at the sight. All of a sudden, he felt a burning need to hold her close and feel her warmth. He shoved that picture back into the pocket before it rendered him unable to press through the rest of the material. Maybe he'd come back for it later.

There was another picture attached to yet another paper containing Mipha's handwriting. The picture was of her and Zelda, Link wondered where he would have been. It was clear that Zelda was pregnant, a large, woven embellishment on her otherwise plain white dress curved along with her belly; her hand was gently held at the curving's base. There were deep, dark rings underneath her eyes. How long had it been since she'd slept? Link wondered before reading the attached note.

It's been about a week since the attacks at the Castle. According to travelers, everyone who lived in the Castle returned safely. I am truly relieved to hear such a thing. Zelda is incredibly close to her fifth month... all the recent strain has surely worsened her health. I pray fervently for peace and security to come upon her until her time arrives. I recently received a letter from Link. The baby is doing much better than their mother. He seemed to speak endlessly about how active and strong they have become, it is truly a marvel. I believe he has spoken more since their engagement than he had for the two years prior.

While I am elated for the child's health... hearing such news makes my heart ache for Zelda. She is so weakened by the events of the past month, and carrying the child of Hyrule's strongest knight seems not to offer her much opportunity for rest and recovery. Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if she has spent the last week in bed. Link said that she wasn't doing terribly, but the way everything was written hinted that she wasn't quite alright. In response to this, I sent back a letter requesting a council with them both. I have finally decided, along with some guidance from Father, what to do about my armor predicament.

I hope Zelda will be well enough for me to visit.

Beneath the words Link had already read, there was a retelling of how Mipha felt the council went. A familiar feeling rushed through him. A memory was returning.

"No, Zelda!" Link held Zelda's shoulders and legs down onto the bed, she struggled. "Quiet." His voice was hushed, but the tension was still felt. He leaned his body over hers, her right hand curled up against her stomach. The treated bandages that concealed her rash now covered from her knuckles to her mid-forearm.

The footsteps outside grew louder. The door opened and Link lowered his body further.

"Oh!" A soldier was standing there, analyzing the threatened form of his prince. "My deepest apologies for startling you in this uneasy time, Your Highness. Lady Mipha has arrived."

Link retracted his body, looking at Zelda with a worried gaze. Deep, dark bags fell under her eyes, which were duller than normal.

"I suppose we should greet her," Zelda replied. "she did not have to travel all this way." She reached out for Link's hand to pull her upright, then straightened her white dress before heading down.

Mipha glanced up at the small staircase where she heard footsteps, finding gold flats and the trim of a white dress alongside black boots. "Link, Zelda... how good to see you both."

Zelda beamed at seeing the friendly face and quickened her pace. "Mipha!"

The two princesses embraced. "Oh, you look wonderful," Mipha complimented. "even as exhausted as you must be."

"Thank you..."

"How's the little one? Are they still doing well?"

Zelda dipped her head for a single nod. "Yes... they've become very active..."

"You wouldn't believe how hungry they've made her." Link added jokingly.

"Link." She muttered in annoyance. "For such a glutton, why do you tease me so much about my own diet?"

He sighed, rubbing her back. "You know I love you, right?" Link kissed her softly on the cheek.

"I do." She turned back towards Mipha, the hand on her stomach revealing all her child's movements. "How is the Domain?"

"We are all well." Mipha noticed Link's expression flash as he found a daybed and motioned her and Zelda over.

"Thank you for offering to meet us here." Zelda gave into Link's demands and tiredly stretched out on the mattress.

"No worries, I knew Link would not allow you to travel."

"She's still recovering," Link defended. "she doesn't need to be traveling anywhere. Especially if she wants to travel for her birthday."

Mipha only nodded.

"I am looking forward to seeing if the Spring of Wisdom is the key... but I also know, regardless of the outcome, that I will probably be put on rest afterwards until Little Hyrule arrives."

Her loving husband rubbed her side. "It's been a rough pregnancy... for all three of us... and you know if I don't get you on rest now, Rhoam may send you to a Spring after you've started having contractions." He kissed her softly. "I just... don't want you to go into labor early or in a place that's not safe for either of you. "

Seemingly at the mention of childbirth, Zelda winced. "Oooh, that was a strong kick... they haven't ever kicked that hard before..."

Link began rubbing Zelda's stomach. "I bet... but it's a good thing. It means they're getting stronger." As he felt a few more strong kicks, he pulled Zelda's head onto his lap.

"We're getting off topic..." Zelda half-groaned. "My apologies for that... What did you wish to meet with us about?"

Mipha's face flashed with concern. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine... Little Hyrule's just certainly got their father's strength... and they're already so restless..." She sighed, looking at Link. "I can see why you want me on rest already."

"Here, we'll take you to bed. We can have our council there, I do not mind. I would rather you be comfortable and well than to fulfill all these strict social norms." Mipha helped Zelda get to her feet.

Zelda blinked out her disappointment in herself. "I'm sorry..."

"Don't be, Zelda..." Mipha insisted before her and Link braced her back and led her to her bedroom where Link laid her in bed, removed her heels and pulled a thin blanket over her. "Any better?" He quickly asked. "Is there anything else you need?"

"...I'm fine, thank you. Really, Link." She waited for him to pull back and sit down. "So, what did you want to discuss?"

Mipha smiled. "Alliance. We are both set to become queens, and our people have been allies for millennia. My father and I would like to reinitiate that alliance, to show we truly value Hyrule for reasons other than tradition."

Zelda beamed. "I would love an alliance with you, Mipha. It would be an honor."

Link nodded too. "We'd love to be allies. I may not know too much about politics and alliances, but I do know the Zora are welcoming and trustworthy people."

"Wonderful! To symbolize our renewed alliance, the Zora Kingdom would love to gift you both Zora armor. Zelda, I will begin yours after Little Hyrule is born. Link, if I could get your measurements..."

"That's easy." He laughed, a welcome release from the tension, before leaning over Zelda's stomach. "Mommy and Daddy are gonna be allies with Auntie Mipha." He whispered to the child and received a loving coo from deep within Zelda's throat.

Zelda suddenly turned towards the door. "Impaaaa!" She screeched without much need, startling Link.

Impa rushed in and bowed. "What is it, Princess?"

The princess smiled softly, resting her bandaged hand on her swollen stomach. "Please inform Father that Prince Link and I have confirmed a formal alliance with Princess Mipha of Zora's Domain."

A soothed smile made its way to Impa's pale complexion. "Of course, Your Highness! May the alliance with the Zora be forever admirable." She headed back out.

Link rubbed the back of his neck. "Warn me before the royal shrieking starts next time, alright, dear?"

She nodded. "Alright."

Link felt himself return to reality. "Little Hyrule." He muttered first.

"What did you say?"

"Little Hyrule. We named them Little Hyrule."

"Ah, yes! That's what it was! Now that I think about it... I believe Mipha mentioned that you had already chosen an official name for a daughter... but I cannot remember what... anyways, I've told you all that I can, and I hope it helps even in the slightest."

"You were very helpful, thank you so much, King Dorephan."

"Of course! Let me know if there's anything I can do."

Link stepped out of the throne room, then teleported back to Vah Ruta to think upon everything he'd just uncovered. Upon arriving, he sat down in Ruta's shadow and looked up at the Divine Beast. "I remember, Mipha..." He whispered after some time had passed. "I don't remember everything... but I remember enough."

"M-Master Link?" A soft voice called. "Is that you?"

Link whipped his head around to discover a young Sheikah woman who was a whole head taller than he was. "Paya? Why are you here?"

"Grandmother had a strange feeling yesterday. She sent me here, to the Divine Beast Vah Ruta, and told me that you'd be in need of me by the time I arrived."

"Dorephan told me everything..."

"Everything, Master Link?"

His breath hitched. "About Mipha... and Zelda..." A long pause followed. "...Paya?" His voice was tiny and small. "Did I really have a child?"

"...Y-Yes, Master Link. When the Great Calamity struck, Princess Zelda was five months pregnant. According to Grandmother, and even Father when he was still around, she always looked further along than she ever was. Oftentimes, she was mistaken to be seven months pregnant by her own servants."

Link cringed. "Are... are they alright?"

"As far as I know. The Sheikah have told stories about her for almost one hundred years now. She is regarded as a legend outside of Kakariko, and Hateno tells her story as such, but everything I tell you actually occurred to the Sheikah head family. If you are ready to hear, of course."

"Please ." His voice sounded insistent, desperate.

"It started about fifteen years after the Calamity. Father had just been born and the surviving Sheikah celebrated the return of life. Later in the evening, Princess Zelda appeared. She was illuminated with holy light and bore a soft, weary smile on her face. One of her hands tucked neatly at the bottom of her stomach with the other held out gently. Auntie Purah, who had come to celebrate the birth, called out to her. The Princess softly spoke "Purah... how good to see you again." and the whole house shook at the sound of her ever-soft voice. She approached Father's crib, looking in with a warmth that only a mother could possess. Although most memories of our first years of life are forgotten, Father distinctly remembered her voice. "Hello, little one." She greeted softly. "You've come along at a beautiful time." Her words were true, the Age of Burning Fields was coming to a close. The Calamity was long over." Paya's hands tightened as the poignant story continued. "Princess Zelda looked up at Grandmother, a deep loving gaze that requested to hold the newborn. Grandmother readily accepted and Zelda tried to pick Father up. However, her figure kept passing through him like she was nothing but air. Eventually, Father was bothered enough to cry. Princess Zelda stumbled back, her light seeming to flicker, before she cried out "I'm sorry..." before turning around and running through the door. A Hylian traveler discovered her sobbing at the cemetery just outside our village, and ever since the whole world has believed that she died right by your side on the Blatchery Plain. A legend soon was written that you both sacrificed yourselves for each other and succumbed to your wounds side by side. They believed that she had been buried in the Kakariko cemetery because her actions prior to the Calamity had barred her from being buried with her holy ancestors. The legend did not specify where you were buried, but I assume they expected you to either be enshrined like the ancient monks or buried alongside your princess." She paused the story for a second to see Link beginning to cry. "Master Link? What has upset you?"

"...She's dead? Zelda and our baby are dead?" Once he got the words out, the tears came flowing.

Paya placed an arm around him, getting a sudden rush of nervousness for being so close to him and for producing a somewhat romantic gesture while knowing he was married to her princess. "That is just a legend the people crafted to explain the Calamity's events. Princess Zelda is very much alive, and so is Zelda Ivee."

Link snorted through his tears. "Zelda Ivee?"

"I know you don't remember, but that was the name you both chose one hundred years ago for your child should they turn out to be female. And during the Calamity, about an hour or so after your death, that is just what the Princess discovered. We Sheikah did not learn so until about forty years later, when she returned to us."

Link blinked. He had a daughter! Would she look like her mom? Would she look like him? Was she strong? Would she turn out clever? ...Did she remember him even after all these years? ...Did she even know he was her dad?

"Father was just about twenty-five when she returned. She came in through the door, literally through the door. They didn't necessarily notice her until she gasped in pain and sounded this stunningly loud groan. The entire family whipped their heads around and saw her somewhat hunched over her stomach, glancing down at it. Father rushed over to her, recognizing her enough to call her 'Princess,' and tried to escort her to what is now my room. According to Grandmother, she was great with child. She looked like she was going to deliver any moment. Father was convinced she'd just gone into labor. He gently put a hand on her stomach, softly telling her she would be taken care of and that she just needed to focus on birthing her baby. Princess Zelda chuckled a little, and told him she wasn't in labor. She waved her hand over her stomach so he could see the little princess fighting, thrashing even, inside her. " We're here... in Hyrule Castle. For all these years we've been fighting... but I'm starting to grow weary... Please... keep an eye on Link for me. Tell him we're okay... but we need him to come to our aid..." She looked down at her unborn baby with a gentle, soothing gaze. "She's got her father's strength... She's been quite a blessing in this battle... but I hope she stays in. The Castle is no place to deliver her as it is now." After that encounter, the Sheikah began to make pilgrimages to the Spring of Wisdom to pay respects to the Princess. Because of Nayru's decree, a Sheikah cannot ascend Mount Lanayru until their seventeenth birthday, so any younger than that go no further than the Lanayru Promenade. Every year, on the anniversary of the Calamity, the Sheikah would gather in these two places to pay tribute as she lamented for the lost souls from her place upon Mount Lanayru's peak. Now that the number of Sheikah who remember Zelda has diminished, only the head family and their inner circle head to the peak. Lasli's grandmother often comes with us." She sighed. "Father was targeted by the Yiga ever since the first encounter. They believed he was blessed by her. When he was killed by the Yiga, Grandmother decided that no one could go out at night. Only I do so to tend to the deities and Goddess Statue. Princess Zelda is very much alive. Her power is still extraordinary in those who know this. The Yiga keep tabs on her, targeting everyone who seems to receive her blessings... they don't want your child born. If Zelda never has a child, then the bloodline never continues and Ganon will be guaranteed a victory the next time he revives."

Link held his legs and tried not to cry. All this time, he had a wife and child! They were dying inside the Castle while he fooled around doing whatever.

"I believe you will save them, Link. Grandmother believes with all her being. Zelda knows you will save her. That is why she still fights. She knows it will be some time before you are able to fight Ganon, and she is willing to hold out until then."

Link dried his eyes and nodded, standing up to look directly at Vah Ruta.

He had needed to know who he was ever since first hearing Zelda's voice in the Shrine of Resurrection. It had been one of his most important goals, he needed to know but also wasn't sure if he was ready to remember. But he remembered now. Who Zelda was, to the Kingdom and to him, what Mipha was alluding to, and why he had not received the armor one hundred years ago. He remembered why he was strangely at peace in Hateno and why he was always drawn to the children there... and why he felt a small burning inside when he saw them return to their parents.

Hyrule's fate had been sealed by tradition. But it was also tradition that allowed him, Zelda, the late Champions and every survivor of the Calamity to make their mark, though it often required a tradition to be repurposed.

Mipha was gone, as was the past in which she was his political ally and closest friend, but her memory remained even throughout the trials; giving him the strength to fight for what he could save... Princess Zelda, Little Hyrule and the survivors who still believed them dead.  

#princess zelda #the legend of zelda #zelink #legend of zelda #zelda #fanfiction #booksivewritten #breath of the wild #pre botw #zelda fanfiction #fanfic #princess mipha #botw mipha #mipha #zelda x link #legendofzelda #link #paya botw #botw impa #impa #mentioned champions botw #botw ganon #loz ganon #trial of the zora armor #hyrule's final stand #epilogue

[hollyevolving]

American St. Patrick's Day is for immigrants and their descendants.

Saint Patrick's Day is a big deal in the United States because it's a touchstone for, say it with me now: resisting forced assimilation and cultural erasure by anti-Catholic and anti-Irish Americans.

In case you missed it: The banishing of the snakes (which, let's be clear, were never in Ireland to begin with) was not originally attributed to Padraig. Instead, the late 7th/early 8th century Life of Saint Columba says Columba did that one. It's not attributed to Patrick until the 12th century. Somewhere along the line, the miracles got mixed up. Patrick lived in the 5th century and Columba in the 6th. Formal canonization by pope didn't begin until after the 10th century. So as long as the locals were happy, the Vatican wasn't keeping track of miracles while either of them lived. But yeah, Patrick didn't do the snakes (nobody did, but they weren't attributed to him for a few hundred years after the story was first told). He was apparently just better at sorcery than the druids and big on doing holy well healings. His "miracles" all relate to building churches, talking to people, and being himself protected from harm.

(regardless of your belief system, you can't talk about Patrick and the druids without talking about miracles, sorcery, etc)

The forced conversion of the Irish is also a total myth. Even after the Romans pulled out of Britain and Ireland, they were still just across the water in Gaul, and association with them still meant access to more advanced technology and greater wealth. And the Romans had turned Christian.

Patrick not only didn't harm any pagans or druids, he went out of his way to not offend them.

Patrick had lived and been educated among the Gallo-Romans, but he was Welsh-born (well, Wales didn't exist. He was born a Briton) and enslaved in Ireland first before traveling to Gaul, and he would have seen and been able to speak about the quality of life in the Roman empire (Patrick is more likely to have been active in the late 4th/early-mid 5th century, and the Franks didn't finish booting the Romans out until the end of the 5th, long after Patrick had returned to the land of his enslavement).

The conversion was all carrot, no stick.

And it was slow. And Patrick neither started nor completed it. He just wasn't that big a deal.

American St. Patrick's Day is for immigrants and their descendants.

Today is the day when, annually, Irish Americans think back over their own marginalization and how they resisted it. St. Padraig doesn't mean much in Ireland, but here, the Irish Saint was a rallying point for people of a culture and faith that were looked down on as inferior. Corned beef was not an Irish food in the 19th century, but a food adopted by the Irish in America which they learned about from their Jewish neighbors.

I wonder what the refugees from the Great Famine would think about their descendants today.

My maternal grandfather was a Walsh, and the son of immigrants who came from Ireland to the US in the 1880s. He boxed with the police athletic league, worked hard to provide a good life for his wife and daughters, and helped to make his neighborhood a community. That's what I think of when I consider my Irish heritage. St. Patrick's day means little in Ireland. Here in the states, it's about immigrants surviving, thriving, and honoring themselves, no matter what their adopted nation may try to do to them.

I think it's really important that the descendants of the Irish immigrants who came here remember what their antecedents endured and avoid inflicting it on the people who came along behind them.

Immigrant solidarity here, in the US, is what matters about the day.

So yeah. I have strong feelings about Saint Patrick's Day, and about misrepresentations of it. Up the Irish! Up ALL immigrants!

---

This link goes to an entertaining article about Patrick, which in turn links to a navigable online version of the Confessio, Patrick's own writing in his own words:

#saint patricks day #irish american

[philoseauxphy]

I had a rare good day (yesterday).

Starting off with zero hours of sleep I looked at the time and realized it was already 7am. I knew Saturday would at least be a day to get out of the house because the seeds were invited to a classmate’s birthday party. While I continued watching (season 4 of) Sex and the City I formulated a schedule:

1. Relax in bed and continue binging until 2pm.

2. At 2pm start getting ready.

3. 3pm be heading out of the door.

4. Arrive at the store at 3:30pm.

5. Pick out a gift bag and gifts, check out and be out of the store and on our way to the party by 3:45pm.

Outside of the timing being a few minutes off, I made it to the party at a reasonable time - 4:15pm. The party invite said 4pm and I don’t like being early or exactly on time for parties. And of course 4:15pm was too early, but I figured what the heck? The silver lining is that we could leave earlier.

Naturally, when I arrived I walked right into the broken revolving door with a big sign saying that it’s broken on it. The concierge let us in and gave us access to the rooftop area where the party was being hosted.

We got out of the elevator and found our way to the crowd and the party was still being set up, and more than half of the families who were showing up were already there.

I began offering assistance because I needed the show to get on the road so I could escape this social setting as soon as possible.

“How is it not started?” I thought to myself.

After placing cupcakes on trays, setting up cups, bowls, plates, continuously being the organizer of the tables and on clean-up duty (because let’s face it - I’m a little nuts and can’t handle clutter like a normal person), and even pitching some ideas that became realities, I warmed up to the other guests who I was familiar with and met some new people too.

The seeds played hard! Screaming, running, but mostly smiling.

I played a few games of dominoes and then moved on to a card game called Bullshit that I remembered from my childhood, but had to be refreshed on the objective and rules. I casually chatted and laughed. I connected with people and that felt good no matter if I ever want , or will, see them again.

After a few hours parents started fading out, and I continued trash grabbing and incorporated packing things that weren’t being used away into my routine.

After the random parents left one of the cooler moms from what I mentally deemed tonight “the cooler moms” pulled out a little baggie of God’s magic grass. Before you knew it I had rolled up her goods and we packed up and headed to the cars. We stood in the parking lot and just blazed. Then we shared stories and I laughed my ass off.

I felt like the genuine belly laughter was a release. This mother had explained exactly what I go through and I didn’t feel alone at that moment.

Maybe it was the herb, the outing, the children's laughter/joy, or a combination, but I felt a brief moment of simplicity. No expectations, rhyme, or reason... just simply being understood and able to laugh at the pain.

The seeds and I arrived home around 9pm and I was high enough to crave wings. Saucy wings. But also, pasta.

I Googled some "pantry pasta" recipes and made a peppery, cheesy spaghetti first. I used olive oil, butter, ground pepper, and shamefully Velveeta cheese because I had to throw what parmesan cheese I had out. It came out pretty good, but I can't wait to try it again with parmesan. I took the chicken out of the fridge and realized it had gone bad so I had to improvise... I used the seed's fried chicken bites! I put the chicken bites in the air fryer and started the sauce on the stovetop. I used butter, minced garlic, ginger, soy sauce, honey, and brown sugar to create some kind of honey garlic sauce. It came out really sweet, yet savory. Each part of the meal took 30 minutes.

I served the seeds bowls of the meal and set it on the counter in case they wanted to eat while they were still up, served my plate then cleaned the kitchen and got myself ready for bed.

Afterward, it was back to Sex and the City... Which got me thinking, "Which Sex and the City character am I?" I've always thought of myself as a Carrie/Charlotte mix, but the first quiz I took was from Buzzfeed Quiz: Which "Sex And The City" Character Are You Actually? (buzzfeed.com) and they rated me Samantha.

To be fair, in my twenties I did feel as powerful, free and confident as Samantha and I'd like to tap back into that.

Then, I took another quiz on MagiQuiz Which "Sex and the City" Character Are You? | MagiQuiz and they rated me Carrie.

And like I said, I always thought of myself as more of a Carrie so this explanation at the bottom just makes since, because it fits me perfectly.

Now, if this question ever gets brought up in conversation I can say that I'm a Samantha with a Carrie rising. It makes sense according to my experience and astrology's correlation to my experience.

Feeling free, even just for a moment, getting in tune with who I believe myself to be, how people experience me, and realizing that I can still be that person in my pain felt good.

I had a good day. Finally.

#thoughts #feels

[nazmazh]

Man, just thinking back to moral panics again.

It wasn't quite as sustained as like, the early 90s panic that led to the formation of the ESRB, but remember how up in arms some reactionaries were about Mass Effect having sex scenes in it?

Like, relatively tame scenes that were in-line with its M rating. Pretty tame compared to stuff that's been allowed in R-Rated movies (I don't know that I've ever actually seen those scenes tbh, but from what it sounds like, they're probably closer to the PG-13 side of the scale, and might only need a little different editing to get them there, at least, by movie standards, if BioWare/EA wanted to).

But still, the idea that a mainstream game would have any depiction of sex? It was outrageous! It was disgusting! It was positively pornographic!

Heck, they got their activists on actual news shows (Okay, well, Fox News at least) to claim that it was actually porn in a video game. A video game that was definitely a children's toy, like all video games.

And this was just a few years after the Hot Coffee controversy where an abandoned sex mini-game was dummied out, but not actually removed from the game in GTA: San Andreas. Because the devs had realized that it probably wasn't going to fly anyway. But, because they hadn't properly removed it, some modders were able to reactivate and gain access to... the blocky, fully-clothed thrusting, accompanied by the audio of the implied, fade-to-black sex scene that was left in the game.

But yes, unsurprisingly that was also met with outrage and wailing and gnashing of teeth.

Nowadays, though?

There's just straight-up sex scenes in Baldur's Gate 3. Absolutely not to the level of "pornographic" or anything, but there's more skin shown - Fully frontal nudity from all participants, including some level of mix-and-match gender fluidity if you want there to be, and all characters are attracted equally to all genders and they can be combined in any pairing you wish - And multiple partners in some cases.

There's also the fact that one companion/partner can and will shapeshift into a bear during the act.

That's the big "wait, really?" one, though there's definitely a few other scenes that definitely would raise some eyebrows.

But I can't say I've heard even the slightest peep from the moral crusaders about the game. Heck, it's even Dungeons & Dragons-based, and they used to love accusing that whole property of being a satanic plot to recruit and sacrifice children.

Honestly? The most complaints I've heard about BG3 are from chuds upset that you can pick your pronouns and have trans and nonbinary character options - That gets grouped into the general "woke is bad" banner.

Times really have changed. Outrage ain't what it used to be.

I suppose in the years between Mass Effect and now, there's been a lot more sex scenes in M-rated games - The Witcher series prominently comes to mind. And the outrage has seemed quieter, more reduced every time. Nowadays, I think they just largely pass by un-commented on, unless they have some other "woke ideology" in the games.

I guess I keep coming back to that "outrage has changed" point because it really has.

They don't seem to go after individual works anymore - Not in the same way. They'll focus on broader themes and paint a whole swath of works as "woke" and complain about those themes and try to get them removed from the works if possible - Demanding changes, making mods to remove game content, and failing that calling for a broad ban - Not just the individual work, but all works where you uh... choose pronouns, I guess, for instance.

It's probably much the same as any other medium. The culture war evolves as the medium is no longer inherently scary and unfamiliar.

#rantings and ramblings #culture war #moral panic #further thoughts

[dzpenumbra]

8/3/23

AGH I CAN'T STOP WORKING! I only have 3 more beads to go! I really wanted to get to bed early tonight because I'm really tired but... I just can't stop now, I'm so close. I already Brillo-prepped them too, so all I have to do is the final buff.

Alrighty, that only took about half an hour to wrap up. The beads are all done, they look great and they're all strung on a doubled piece of hemp for now. It was so long ago that I prepped these... I don't even really remember my plan. I think I was going to make this a knotted bead necklace, but I don't know if I wanted to add a clasp to it or have it be closed. I don't know if I have enough beads for that. I guess we'll see tomorrow.

Big day, lots of accomplishments. I woke up after about 5 hours of sleep, but got back to sleep pretty quickly, didn't even get out of bed. That was a relief. I had dreams about being with my ex, which was... difficult. And alien. But I shook that off and started my day. Yoga was nice today, I did some Factorio over first meal.

I went straight to work on my griptape to finish it off. I loved the vibe of listening to Heilung and painting on the floor, so I went with their live album. It's really good. All I had to do today was the highlights, and I knocked that out. Did a big photoshoot and... it's done!

Then I decided to relocate my suncatcher to a position where it can catch more light throughout the day. Where it was, it only really caught light between 5-7PM. I'm hoping this new spot will give it more light access. I had to run a string through an eye bolt mounted in the ceiling. That eye bolt was about 16 feet off the ground. So I took a big line of hemp twine and tied a rock to the end of it, and reached it over from my loft about 6 feet out to the eye bolt with one of my carved staves, and fed it into the hole with a second staff, the one I usually go walking with. It was a hell of a workout holding two oak branches by the hilt, trying to maneuver a rock through a 1" diameter hole like 5-6' away. But luckily, I picked a good rock. It fit snugly, but I got it through and it worked first try. So that's all rigged up and good to go, and super adjustable too.

Then I showered and headed out to the skatepark. When I got there, there were 6 people there. A group of 4 kids that looked college age, and two people closer to my age that looked like a couple. I did my usual thing, showing up on my hybrid board with the AirPods in, getting my trick board out of my backpack, finishing my apple and then off I went. It's weird going to the skatepark by myself when everyone else there is a group. For me, at least. And I'm actually starting to wonder... are my AirPods sending the wrong message?

Like... I keep my volume super low and transparency mode on for safety, if anyone wants to chat I can hear them clear as day. It's a really good habit to stay in, especially when riding on streets, so you can hear cars coming. But I'm kinda wondering... does me wearing headphones send the message "don't talk to me"? Because today was the first time someone talked to me, and I feel like it was almost a fluke? Meh, that's too harsh. It was entirely thanks to her, it was 100% the woman's initiative that made it happen.

This chick who... is most likely younger than me but somewhere around my age... was standing next to me when I was skating a low box. I was really bashful being one of the worst skaters at the park. I can talk all day about how skating is not a competition and it's just you trying to improve. And I bet most of the people at the park did not give a shit. But I was pretty self conscious, I often feel like I'm just gonna get in the way or something, it's... not helpful thinking. And you know, sometimes I have good days and I don't care at all... and some days I have days like today. But I pushed through it.

The woman was short, blond, very thin. Like... almost concerningly thin. And had a lot of tattoos, including a face tattoo. This wasn't the first time I saw a face tattoo in person, but the first time I saw a decent sized one, and on a female. And it was a new experience. I'll put it that way for now and elaborate in a minute. She complimented my grip tape and I said "thank you, I did it myself." And she seemed genuinely blown away, like she legit didn't believe me. And I was like, "yeah, I did," and then said, "I'm a professional artist." I really don't know why I keep adding in the word professional. From the second I got home I've been trying to convert kicking myself over that into... "it would make me feel more comfortable if I dropped the 'professional' part. I can just say I'm an artist, that's fine." It's always the little things that get you caught up, right?

She immediately asked if I had an Instagram. I was literally going to post my progress photos of making the grip tape before leaving, and I decided not to so I could get more skate time. She gave me her phone and had me add myself to her Instagram. The whole thing was just, so goddamn alien to me. Just having another human speak to me, let alone a female around my age, let alone a human in person in close proximity to me, and having an actual conversation... it was just... I got really "what do I do with my hands" pretty quick. But that was a cool moment, it meant a lot to me.

However... yep, there's always a however... my anxiety was on the prowl today. And what I'm realizing... it's not a fun realization, but it's important. Some of the most important are the least fun, I'm starting to notice. Anxiety is... judgement. It kinda has to be, right? Like... anxiety is a defense mechanism put in place to keep you safe, right? So... what anxiety does is scan the information it's receiving and... forms a judgement of whether that is safe or a threat. Information = speaking in front of 1000 people. Anxiety = you might screw up, you might do bad, people will laugh, people will emotionally hurt you because of that. Reaction = piss yourself and avoid. So, anxiety functions as an intermediary step between information gathering and reaction. And it is quite literally a step where you are judging and categorizing info based on your past experiences.

So... what I saw was... a super thin girl, like gaunt-in-the-cheeks thin, with a face tattoo and... a big scar on her shoulder. And my anxiety reminded me that I'm in a city now. And flashed back to last summer when my highschool "best friend" told me vivid horror stories - I mean straight out of Trainspotting or Requiem for a Dream horror stories. And flashed back to the last person I met on the side of the road, who was obviously high as fuck. And I got anxious. I was afraid she was a meth head or something. I feel bad for making that snap judgement. And hell, maybe she is, who knows? But like... was it really fair of me to be cautious around her when she had given me no reason to be afraid?

I often feel like a dog that has been adopted from a shelter. Only... I haven't been adopted... I'm just sorta... out here. Alone. Trying to human, somehow. I'm always trying to keep myself safe, at all times. Wow, it's almost like I have PTSD or something, weird...

But yeah, I feel bad about being judgmental. And... despite her being around the same ability level as me... I tried to keep a little distance from her because she was there with a guy. The guy had a buzzed mohawk and was really good. Like... I'm always just in awe when I get to see talented skaters in real life, and I get so intimidated. I really hope to get over that some day. But it's just how things are for now. But I tried to keep my distance from the chick because... I didn't know if they were together and I didn't want him to get the wrong idea. I obviously have pure intentions and I'm just trying to make friends... but yeah. Anxiety can be very convincing.

So... I just kinda went back to skating, doing my thing. I got a lot more comfortable with the FS half cab. I'm really starting to understand it a bit more now. When I try to whip it around, it just does not work. But if I just sorta... pop and hop, and not worry so much about facing forward right away? It works pretty smoothly. But what completely made the trick for me was just facing backwards while I set up. That just made the trick possible.

I did some pretty long boardslides on an old railroad tie that was there. But that thing was sticky as hell, and I'm not brave enough to wax something at a skatepark, honestly. Not that I have wax... I got a bit more comfortable with my nosemanual position, but I'm still figuring it out. I did a few runs of ollie onto a small box and FS 180 off. So yeah, more practice. And I had a good time. I think I was there for a good hour and I was the last one to leave.

When I left, I passed by the couple who were waiting for a ride. The guy and I exchanged our first words saying "have a good one", as I rode by on my hybrid board like some kind of cyberpunk hippie. XD After all that intimidation and "not wanting to upset him", he seemed very nice. Then I was back in bliss-mode riding down the roads with tunes on, carving and cruising. That thing is so much fun to ride, I swear. My only complaint is that my back trucks might be a tad bit too loose, but it keeps me going at a slow pace so its not so bad. And then the couple passed by me again about 2 blocks down, and we all waved at each other. So that was a good vibe to end on.

So the whole like "I was being judgmental and distant and kinda anti-social" self-flagellation didn't really start until well after I got home. And I've been pretty good at keeping it productive. I think a good habit to get into is... instead of going "why did I do ____, that was dumb..." Let me give an example. Introducing myself as a professional artist. I was kicking myself because of that. I don't like it, but when my depression and my anxiety team up... I'm severely outmatched, so... sometimes I don't win. What I'd like to do is... instead of going "why did I introduce myself as a professional artist, I have under 100 followers and she can see that, that's embarrassing," I would like to try... "ooo saying 'professional artist' is a little difficult for me right now, maybe next time I can just say 'artist', that might feel a bit more comfortable." I think that's a much more gentle way of going about it, and it's actually actionable instead of just being harsh and self-disciplinary.

Self-discipline is fucking useless when you don't have context or a plan. It's just punishment for having experienced something. It's useless and harmful. The most important part of any uncomfortable moment like that is... integrating the lesson learned. Focusing on that, rather than dwelling on the mistake portion and laying into yourself, is a really good way to break self-abuse cycles. Not easy to do, but it does good.

So, for example... I was being harsh on myself for judging this chick. Specifically, for judging her because of her scars, which she obviously can't help. And... getting personal (but I mean duh, it's a journal...) - it kinda reminded me of an ex of mine that used to cut herself. And that... was a difficult memory. Let me be super clear here, that association of mine? That's not fair to her. But it's part of what happened for me. And my self-protective centers started screaming "be careful, be aware, you've seen this before, she might self-harm".

Welp. After I got home? I skimmed over her Instagram. And she had X-Rays from a broken collarbone. And I mean fucking shattered. And I just felt so fucking bad. And I was like... I mean, in hindsight, it's hard for me to even understand how I would jump to a conclusion that someone would cut or burn themselves in such a visible and odd location. But... trauma brain does weird shit, and swears it has the best intentions.

So... what I'm struggling to do is find a way to convert that... I mean, it's clear I'm still beating myself up over it and I still feel shameful. But that's not only not healthy, it doesn't lead anywhere. I just beat myself over it until that part of my brain is tired or moves on to something else. That's... not a great way to live life. So... I'd like to actually get a lesson out of this. And I think the lesson is to not judge quite so hastily. Not assume so much.

I think a huge part of that is isolation. A huge part is being alone and having to keep myself safe. And lately I've just been erring super on the side of caution. So... I'm giving myself forgiveness for this, it's been a struggle lately. And if I see her again, I guarantee she will have had zero idea any of that happened. She probably just thought "oh, he just wants to skate," and then went and skated herself.

I just so often feel so compelled to apologize to people for things like this. Because I have so many fears of the judgement of others myself, that I have to brute force through just to take the trash out sometimes. Judgement of my skin condition. Judgement of the unique combination of frankincense, nag champa and dragon's blood that I wear instead of deodorant. Judgement of me being 36 at a skatepark and struggling to ollie on a 8" box. Judgement of be having AirPods and a hybrid board. The things that some people (like me) would go "holy shit, that's really cool!" (remember, that's a judgement too...) That force has kept me in isolation for a long time. And the more that stuff like this happens? The more I realize that those judgmental anxiety fantasies? They live in my head. That hyper-judgmental force... lives inside of me.

It lives in other people, too. Sure. Don't get me wrong. The "former friend" I was talking to the other day was being super judgmental of entire demographics based merely on... a font. Which... ironically... was the exact demographic he was from... He was ripping on "fake blue collar" people, who don't even know how to use tools and shit... and I was just... it took everything in my power to not be like... "dude, I have met your parents and been to your childhood home that was in the suburbs! I've lived here way longer than you have and I've only lived here since I was 11!" And it started to hit me. And I bet this is like... a thing, you know? Projection... right?

To find something repulsive or terrifying in others, outside of ourselves... but it's really the repulsive or terrifying thing within us. And despite me often being compulsively compassionate, I often find myself being harshly judgmental. Not nearly as much as the past, and not even a fraction of a shadow of my parents... but it's there, and it showed its ugly face today. And honestly? I'm not sure how to manage it.

Because being judgmental? Profiling people? It can keep you alive. It can help you read a situation where, otherwise, you would've gotten mugged. But being in survival mode 24/7 is no way to live, and no way to build any form of relationship. Be it a partnership, a friendship, or even an acquaintanceship.

So yeah, a lot of thoughts today. But the big things of the day - finished the grip tape (phase one), finished the beads, strung the suncatcher, and posted a photo time-lapse of the grip tape to Instagram. With music I wrote in the spring, too. Finally found use for all those random riffs I write. Time lapses, social media videos.

So yeah, feeling a big sense of accomplishment. So... I'm going to actually let myself feel that for a minute because I'm realizing... I've kinda just been turning all of this into a life lesson and I haven't really taken time to celebrate victories here. I met two new people, and they could very well turn into new friends if they frequent the park and live nearby. I finished the mandala on my grip tape. I finished the beads. I did some circus act stringing a rig on my ceiling hook. I posted one of my art pieces in a public forum. I got a lot done, and I should really be proud of that.

#diary #journal #online journal #stream of thoughts #stream of consciousness

[my-year-of-game-boy]

Week 5: Doncaster Video Game Market

I stole this from their Facebook, but it's okay because they stole the Sonic font first

I'm doing something a little different this week. I mentioned in my very first post for this blog that one of the things I like to do to build my Game Boy collection is to visit retro game shows and conventions. Well, this weekend, I went to a local one that I had some good luck at last year. In fact, you'll probably be hearing a bit more about one of the games I picked up at that one later in the month.

We got in...eventually.

My wife and a friend of ours made our way to the historic Doncaster Dome for the annual retro game hootenanny. Last year, we were pretty prepared, organizing a bunch of folks and getting early access tickets. This year, um, we nearly forgot the date but made it as doors opened to non-ticket holders. Luckily, we weren't after any big ticket items or else we would have died of regret seeing someone carry out a Power Glove as we were making our way in.

In retrospect, I should've started a Planet of the Apes game collection...

I've got a giant list of Game Boy games I'm after that I'm unlikely to ever finish. So the goal of the day, just like last year, was to check a few of those off. That means anytime I saw a line of square cardboard boxes like this or a stack of grey cartridges, I was making my through the horde to take a look at each and every one of them.

There's gold in them there tubs!

In addition to having this little list, I've got a vague idea of what the games are worth. And sometimes, how it's worth saving quite a few bucks (Or British pounds or whatever they call money here) by grabbing a Japanese version of something that doesn't really require much text. Which also requires hoping I can recognize some logos or art on a cartridge. Finding some common imports without having to actually import is the other nice thing about these bins full of imports.

I just think this is beautiful.

It's nice being able to actually see the condition of a cartridge in a way you really can't with online pictures. And there's sometimes a sense of history to that particular cartridge, as I recounted in my Star X entry. You mean a few interesting characters, too. This time around, there was someone going around to every booth with a PSP and checking to see if they worked or not, seemingly with no intention of actually buying one.

I'm pretty sure this port is bad, while the GBA port is good, but regardless, I decided I didn't need a Game Boy version of Street Fighter II.

I was mainly focused on Game Boy, but I was keeping an eye out for some other games, both for myself and others. I have a work friend who is really into horror games and is serious about building up that collection, so I kept sending updating him on gems like Silent Hill: Shattered Memories and Parasite Eve II. While a friend of my wife's is a Myst speed runner and tries for records on any port of the game he can, so we picked up an Xbox copy of Myst III for him. Meanwhile, my wife finally added a grail game to her collection with Chibi Robo, albeit a Japanese copy.

There was literally a sign saying you should ask for any Pokémon plush not on the shelf.

Merch was a plenty, and I'm kind of surprised we didn't pick up any of the Pokémon Scarlet and Violet cards from Japan just for the novelty of it. I remember buying Johto singles as a kid before I knew who any of the new Pokémon were. At a show like this, buying cards and toys is kind of my equivalent of trying not to fill up on bread. I'll end up blowing my budget on things that aren't really my main purpose of going. But for some folks, grabbing a wheelbarrow full of plushies is the end goal, and more power to them.

Maybe next year should be My Year of game.com...

Anyway, I ultimately had fun, as did my better half, although our friend only made it out with one game (One relevant to this blog, the GBA port of Yoshi's Island). I came out with about 11 and mostly in my budget. Mostly...

Looks like a random grab bag, huh?

I don't normally do CiB, but these were much cheaper than they were going for online and they were on my list, so...

Pretty sure this won't play on my Analogue Pocket.

My wife was the plushie person this time and she got me the Dragonair!

That's my haul from this year. For those that can't see the pictures, we've got Wade Hixton's Counter Punch (GBA), Pokémon Pinball: Ruby & Sapphire (JPN) (GBA), Mario's Picross (GB), One Piece: Grand Line Dream Adventure Log (GBC), Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monsters (GB), Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monsters II (GBC), James Bond 007 (GB), Magi-Nation (GBC), Pinobee: Wings of Adventure (GBA), Dragon Ball Z: Collectible Card Game (GBA), Izuna: The Unemployed Ninja (I refuse to call this by its European name) (DS), and Pokémon plush toys. Some of these might get their own entries on this blog, so I won't talk too much about them. I guess one I can safely say I won't be writing much more about is this One Piece game. I mostly grabbed it because it has the distinction of being the last officially license game released that's compatible with the original Game Boy. Also, it has some pretty cool Game Boy versions of music from the anime. That and Izuna, but, who knows, maybe I'll do a Year of DS?

Speaking of, hope y'all enjoyed this slightly different entry even if I didn't talk about a specific game. I technically did play these all for a few minutes to make sure they worked, but there's not a lot to write about there just yet.

I've seen this exact copy of the Elder Scrolls N-Gage game at three different cons and one day, it will be mine. £200 be damned...

#game boy #retro aesthetic #retro gaming #video games #pokemon #nintendo

[hanemiso]

Operation: Dairy For Dazai

>>>a dazai osamu x reader<<<

request: "omg i love your post about Dazai and his possibility of having lactose intolerance hahaha, i wish you could do a fanfic out from that"

a/n: um this is such a great idea??? this was so much fun to write omg i hope y'all like it! also i know dazai doesn't necessarily drink coffee with milk and sugar/creamer, but for the sake of the story he does! also sorry if the gif looks weird, i couldn't find his weird little run anywhere else.

synopsis: no one has seen dazai drink milk or consume dairy of any kind...it's up to the agency to figure out if dazai is lactose intoleralnt or not!

warnings: one swear word, dazai not being able to handle dairy

"hey atsushi, you ever notice that dazai doesn't consume dairy?"

"what do you mean, y/n?" atsushi asks, glancing up at you from the computer.

"think about it. have you ever seen dazai drink milk? eat cheese? buy ice cream?" you press on, raising your brows.

atsushi takes a second to think before responding with, "now that you mention it, no i haven't...why are you asking anyway?"

"i think dazai is lactose intolerant."

you now have atsushi's full attention as he rolls closer to your desk and furrows his brows. he looks around the room for the brunette you're talking about before turning back to you, "you think so? i don't know...maybe it's like a dietary thing."

you deadpan, "you really think the man who goes out of his way to try new attempts at committing suicide--the one who came into the office with a hallucinogenic mushroom from a random mountain--is concerned with his own nutrition?"

atsushi goes silent and nods his head in agreement.

"come on, atsushi. i mean, why would that be the one thing out of his entire diet that he'd choose to cut out?"

"that's true, i've seen the kinds of things he eats...but why is this something you're interested in?"

"because, atsushi, the thought of THE dazai osamu even having one slight weakness--and the fact that it very well may be dairy, of all things-- is amusing. you don't find it interesting? that he can survive things like bullet wounds and getting kidnapped without any problem, but a glass of milk could completely ruin him?"

atsushi was beginning to take interest in what you were talking about. you had a point, he couldn't deny that. they don't know much about dazai and his life as it is. just as it began clicking in his brain, kunikida walks over to your desk to tell you both to get back to work. at the sound of his footsteps, you turn towards him and before he can say anything at all, you ask him the same question as atsushi. kunikida has a smiliar reaction and response to atsushi, which just adds to the curiosity of dazai's possible dairy problem.

"i don't pay attention to that idiot's diet anyway, nor do i care." he says matter-of-factly.

anyone could tell that kunikida was slightly interested, just by the way he was continuing to linger by your desk as you continued talking about it with atsushi. soon enough, tanizaki had joined the conversation; then ranpo and kenji, and soon everyone in the agency other than fukuzawa. everyone was huddled around your desk, sharing memories of dazai's lack of dairy consumption. it was then decided that this theory of dazai being lactose intolerant would be put to the test when dazai returned to the office.

ranpo had come up with the idea, it wasn't too elaborate but a simple plan that could trick even the likes of dazai into drinking a glass of milk. during the discussion of dazai's dietary habits, it was also brought to everyone's attention by kunikida that it seems dazai doesn't have a high spice tolerance either. with that in mind, the plan was for the agency to have a joint dinner tonight, with curry on the menu tonight; spicy curry to be exact. dazai always flirts with you in the office, so it was your job to distract him by indulging in his pick-up lines and such. once he takes a bite and realizes it's too spicy for him, he'd try to find water to alleviate the pain, but coincidentally there is no water in sight. because of this, he'd be forced to drink the glass of milk you hand him. of course, if this didn't work, for dessert you'd give him a cup of coffee with milk and sugar (he uses non-dairy creamer in his coffee anyway).

you and kyouka set up a table to put the bowls of curry on, while atsushi and kunikida began bringing in the curry. tanizaki, naomi, and ranpo were in charge of getting the desserts to really sell the image of a nice gathering. kenji and yosano were in charge of tinkering with the water pipes to close off any possibility of access to water. this task was treated with such care, as any mission brought into the agency would be. each and every one of you were interested in learning about this side of dazai; are you going the extra mile for such a minuscule detail of someone's life? yes, but will it be amusing to find out the truth? also yes.

soon enough, dazai is spotted out the window. the truth is about to be revealed, and you are all nervous but excited.

"remember guys, act natural! operation: dairy for dazai starts now!" you exclaim quietly.

you can hear everyone take a deep breath and begin "talking" amongst themselves as dazai walks in. he stops in his tracks as he eyes the table holding all the bowls of curry and widens his eyes in surprise.

"oh? what's this?" he asks, gesturing to the table.

"y/n suggested having dinner in the agency tonight, so we got some curry and desserts." atsushi explains.

"have a bowl, dazai-kun." you smile at him as you hand him the bowl of spicy curry.

"ah, you're too nice, my belladonna!" he exclaims and grabs the bowl.

so far so good, you think.

you can feel the tension in the room as everyone waits for dazai to take a bite. the conversations carry on amongst people, but no one was truly paying attention to what was being said. the gazes of each member of the agency shifted to dazai as he raised the spoon up to his mouth. you could hear the sound of everyone in the room holding their breaths, even kunikida was sweating.

once the spoon had been placed in his mouth, everyone froze in place. you and atsushi tried to pretend to not be paying much attention to dazai, but it was so hard not to when all of a sudden he stopped chewing. you both slowly turn your head towards him and see his eyes go wide once again. he hurries to the nearest trashcan and spits out the spoonful, quickly turning and looking for a cup of water on the table.

"w-what's wrong, dazai-san?" atsushi asks, also sweating.

"h-hot! spicy curry! atsushi-kun, i need water! please!" dazai exclaims.

you run to the table and pretend to look for a cup of water before grabbing the glass of milk and hurrying towards dazai.

"sorry dazai-kun, i couldn't find any water, but i heard milk helps with the pain!" you hold out the glass of milk.

it feels like time stops as dazai sits there, breathing shallows breaths in attempts to stop the fire in his mouth, and contemplating whether he wants to try his luck with continuing to gasp for air or drinking the milk. he hates suffering, after all. in his mind, all that matters at this moment is extinguishing the flames dancing on his tongue. he grabs the glass, just as planned, and drinks a couple big gulps. everyone is now turned to him, asking if he's okay.

"i'm...fine." he says between pants.

now it was only a matter of time. the dinner continued as normal, but dazai wasn't as social as usual. he sat down with you and atsushi as you continued to talk about different missions.

"oh yeah, dazai-kun, do you remember--" you turn to look at him but realize he's staring at the ground intently as sweat beads on his face, "dazai?"

he blinks once and tries regaining his composure as he looks up at you with his usual smile, "yes, belladonna?"

"are you feeling alright?" you ask with concern laced in your voice.

"of course i am!" dazai tries to reply cheerily, but his bright tone is cut off by a rumbling in his stomach that makes his face twist.

he tries replacing his expression with a smile again, but it looks more pained as another low rumble emits from his body. at this point, everyone in the office is stealing glances. he looks back at the ground as his eyes widen yet again, and only two words are uttered before he takes off running to the bathroom:

"oh shit."

everyone stares at the door, processing what just happened. it was so silent, the only sound you could hear was dazai's rapid footsteps echoing down the hall.

"i knew it." you smirk a bit to yourself.

but your feeling of victory is brief as the horrid smell invades your nostrils. your poor co-workers get assaulted by the same stench, and you all are forced to evacuate.

operation: dairy for dazai was a success, but at what cost?

------------------------------------------

BONUS: how chuuya found out about dazai's lactose intolerance

chuuya was the only person who knew of dazai's problem with dairy, but the way he found out was purely accidental and scarred him.

the event took place when they were 17, and they were both stopping for a drink at a local cafe after a mission. the mission wasn't too bad, but it was early in the morning and chuuya wanted coffee. dazai told him it would stunt his already lacking growth, so chuuya wasn't in the greatest mood; he never was around dazai.

"i wanna sit down so you can order for me!" dazai claps his hands together.

"hey! i don't wan-" chuuya begins to protest but dazai cuts him off while walking away.

"you know what i like!"

chuuya grumbles in annoyance as he heads to the counter and orders two drinks. in his fit of anger, he accidentally ordered two coffees with milk and sugar, but failed to notice as he brought the cups to the table dazai sat at. he narrows his eyes as he sets the cup down in front of dazai and sits across from him. chuuya stares out the window to try and tune out dazai when he hears dazai ask him something quietly.

"is there...milk in this?"

chuuya scoffs and replies, "what's wrong, can't handle a bit of milk?"

he was obviously joking, but the sound that emits from dazai's body in response makes him realize it was no joke. dazai quickly stands and runs to the bathroom while chuuya sits there in disbelief, but with the hope that the rest of the day won't be ruined because of it.

that was wishful thinking though, as they frequently had to stop at public restrooms on their way home and chuuya had to deal with the rancid odor that followed dazai as closely as his own shadow.

taglist: @justmycupoftea93 @loveliestmolly @darlingimawitch @b-i-t-t-i-e-s @browneyespinkhair @silverstar22x @stupidfrogfreak @anotakugardener @jhopesstickeredcarrier @joyfulartisanstudentlamp @spacedoutcoffeebeans @puddingowo66 @kaeyapng @beomluvrr @imobsessedwithskkanditshows

#anime #bungou stray dogs #bungou stray dogs x reader #bsd #dazai osamu x reader #bsd dazai #dazai's dairy problem #dazai x reader #bsd atsushi #bsd chuuya #bsd kunikida #bsd ranpo #bsd tanizaki #bsd kenji #bsd yosano #bsd naomi #bsd kyouka #bsd x reader