#i wanna end it | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

depressedlover2000 · 1 year

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insufferablelust · 2 years

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TW: Mental illness

Living with bipolar and borderline personality is not only hard and exhausting but also draining— draining in a way you always worry about everything, every small thing makes your head turn 180 degrees. Living with dual diagnosis is draining because you’re either overwhelmed with emotions or you’re emotionally blunting— you’re never content, or if there’s any, its small— short. Not only do you have to manage your overflowing emotions, but you also have to arrange your thoughts, control your impulse, resist the urge to end it all, and all you do is rage— rage like you see fire. Because you don’t know what else is there for you, your illness has drowned you— submerged you, succumbed you til you can’t breath… so much so that you’re empty. If you are sad, i mourn, if you are mad, i rage, and if you are happy, i’m over the moon. My thoughts are my devastating faith, and i’m on the teetering edge of losing this fight.

#deva rambles #bipolar #i wanna end it

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inkskinned · 8 months

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what is with men being mad any time a woman raises her voice where did that even come from. someone posted a video of a small electrical explosion, and the top comment was of course the woman screams. the second comment is women try not to scream challenge, level impossible. i had to go back and watch the video again. there is, somewhat fainty, a little gasp emitted off-camera, more of a yelp than a scream. it is mostly lost in the crack of the explosion. afterwards, you hear her voice, shaken, say, are you okay?

i am helping one of my friends train her voice pitch lower, because she wants to be taken seriously at work. she and i do each other's nails and talk about gender roles; and how - due to our appearance - neither of us have ever been able to be "hysterical" in public. we both appear young and sweet and feminine. she is cisgender, and cannot use her natural voice in her profession because people keep saying she appears to be "vapid". we both try to figure out if our purposeful voice lowering is technically sexist. is it promoting something when you are a victim to it?

a storm almost sends a pole through a car window. in the dashcam, you can hear the woman passenger say her partner's name twice, crying out in alarm. she sounds terrified. in the comments, she is lambasted for her lack of calm. how is that even fucking helping?

in high school, i taught myself to have a lower voice. i had been recorded when i was genuinely (and righteously) upset; and i hated how my voice sounded on the phone speakers when it was played back. i was defending my mom, and my voice cracked with emotion. it meant i was no longer winning the argument: i was just shrieking about it.

girls meet each other after a long summer and let out a little joyful scream. this usually stops around 12-14, because people will not tolerate this display of affection (as it has the effect of being passingly annoying). something about the fact that little girls can't ever even be annoying. we are trained to examine each part of our lives (even joy) for anything that could make us upsetting and disgusting. they act like teenage girls are breaking into houses and shrieking you awake at 3 in the morning. speaking as a public school educator: trust me, it's not that bad, you can just roll your eyes and move on. it does not compare to the ways boys end up being annoying: slurs in graffiti, purposefully mocking your body, following you after you said no. you know, just boy things.

there's another video of a man who is not allowed to yell in the house, so he snaps his fingers when he's excited about soccer. the comments are full of angry men, talking about how their brother is unfairly caged. let him express himself and this is terrible to do to someone. eventually the couple has to address it in a second video: they are married with a newborn baby. he was trying not to wake the infant up. there is no comment on the fact women are not allowed to yell indoors. or the fact that it could have been really alarming or triggering for his wife. sometimes i wonder if straight men even like women, if they even enjoy being in relationships with them.

for the longest time, i hated roller coasters because it always felt inappropriate and uncomfortable for me to scream. one of my friends called me on it, said it was unusual i'm so unwilling. i had to go to my therapist about it. i don't like to scream because i was not raised in a safe situation, and raising my voice would have brought unsafe attention towards me. even when i am supposed to scream, it feels shameful, guilty. i was not treated kindly, so i lack a basic form of self-protection. this is not a natural response. it is not good that in a situation of high adrenaline - i shut up about it.

something very bad is happening, i think. in between all the beauty standards and the stuff i've already discussed - this one feels new and cruel in a way i can't quite express. yes, it's scary and silencing. but there's something about how direct it is - that so many men agree with the sentiment that women should never yell, even in an emergency - it feels different.

is the word shriek gendered automatically? how about shrill or screech? in self defense class, one of the first things they tell you is to yell, as loud and as shrilly as you can. they say it will feel rude. most women will not do this. you need to practice overcoming the social pressure and just scream.

most women do not cry out, even when it's bad. we do not report it. we walk faster. we do not make a scene. what would be the point of doing anything else? no matter what we do, we don't get taken seriously. it is a joke to them. an instagram caption punchline. we have to present ourselves as silent, beautiful, captivating - "valuable."

a woman is outside watching her kids when someone throws a firecracker at them. she screams and runs towards her children. in the comments, grown men flock together in the thousands: god. women are so annoying.

#warm up #writeblr #this one has bothered me for a bit #any time a woman does something even passingly annoying we treat it like a fucking crime #hey man. women are allowed to be annoying. everyone forever is allowed to be passingly annoying #as long as they aren't hurting anyone/thing #like u wanna know something? i find it super annoying that men don't wear seatbelts #why arent there thousands of comments on driving videos thats just like : men try not to die in a car crash challenge #''this briefly annoyed me''. okay??????? AND????????????????? go get ur self a cookie and calm down about it #ur not entitled to control other ppl's experiences and emotions just so u can maintain ur own peace #if being briefly annoyed ruins ur whole day! you! need! therapy!!!!#men try not to become immediately angry about nothing challenge: level impossible #ps author is nonbinary. we didn't even get into the gender presentation thing #the fact men think it's SEXY that my voice is on the lower end....

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nkogneatho · 4 months

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Toji has never once shown his vulnerability towards the scar he has on his lips. He never even talks about them. But you know he is somewhere insecure about it when he stops and stares in the mirror while shaving, green eyes scanning the scar. Or when he purposely rests the right side of his face in his hand so the palm hides it. He thought he was being subtle with it, but you noticed. You noticed how deep down he was scared to even talk about it, let alone wear it with pride. That scar was a nightmare and he hated how it was visible to him, to everyone in the most obvious place.

"Toji?" you cooed from behind, walking into the hall while he was watching TV.

"Yes, baby?"

"I bought a new gloss, and i want to test if it's transfer proof."

"Don't know what that is but c'mere, lovie. Sit on my lap while you do it." You smiled and plopped yourself on his lap. Before he could finally look at you, you pressed your tinted glossy lips at the end of his lips where the scar settled.

he tried opening his lips to catch yours but you didn't really kiss his lips. he was so confused why you were pecking one spot.

*one peck. two peck. three peck. smooches tightly*

"D'ya know? I love this." You ran your thumb over the skin. "It makes me realize how strong you are, Toji. Sooo strong. Please don't hide it. It makes you look more handsome." He couldn't form words. The sudden love bomb opened a can of bad memories. Yet, oddly, he was comforted by your words. For a man so big, he was still weak over you and your love. Because you determined his vulnerability. Which is why your relationship was perfect. He is not the kind of man to be vocal about his issues but you read him like an open book. You understand him before he even has to spell it out.

Toji rested his forehead against yours, inhaling and exhaling with his eyes closed. God. He feels so in love, it kills him. What would he do without you? Everyone picked his flesh till it was just his heart exposed in the dirt, still struggling to beat. But you found it. Not to pick anymore flesh(there was none left). But to rip open your ribs and keep that heart locked in you forever. Safe and sound.

#this got so sad and cute towards the ending i wanna cry #toji x reader #toji fushiguro #toji fluff #jjk x reader #toji angst #toji fushiguro fluff #fushiguro toji x reader #jjk fluff #jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jjk angst

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ayo-edebiri · 30 days

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#Guess who's the only one allowed to stay

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drulalovescas · 4 months

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THINGS THAT HAPPENED:

Jensen Ross Ackles made the acting choice to pick up Castiel's trench coat and fold it gently like a flag because he believed that's what Dean would've done.

Jensen Ross Ackles was so pissed about the Destiel conflict and Dean treating Cas so harshly in the so-called divorce arc that he confronted the writer (Bobo) about it. He asked for explanation and toning the conflict down.

Jensen Ross Ackles, when asked about what he was most excited to tackle with his character in the final season of the show, took a time to think about his answer and then WITH ZERO HESITATION said: CAS.

Jensen Ross Ackles called Castiel's goodbye (aka the confession) a pivotal moment for the whole arc of the show.

Jensen Ross Ackles asked a crew member to record the confession ON HIS PHONE because he wanted to have the og, unedited version of the confession.

Jensen Ross Ackles said Dean would've said "I love you too" and then hugged Cas.

Jensen Ross Ackles admitted to the crowd of thousands of fans that Dean's biggest regret was not being able to save Cas.

Jensen Ross Ackles wrote a song about Cas.

#now listen #jensen ross ackles is no heller #but those things that he did and said are pretty insane #especially things he said after the show ended #it's as if he actually watched the show and finally saw with his own eyes how important cas was to dean lmao #jensen ackles i wanna study your brain #supernatural #destiel #jensen ackles

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nicktoonsunite · 5 months

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misc NU doodles part tres

last comic is based off off my nasb 2 clip

#nicktoons unite #danny phantom #jimmy neutron #the fairly oddparents #spongebob squarepants #el tigre #my life as a teenage robot #manny rivera #jenny wakeman #also HELLO HI ive been getting a surge of messages lately and i havent gotten to replying bc ive been a bit busy #and i also wanna say i love reading all the tags on my latest posts youre all so funny #thank you for enjoying my art theres more where that came from #im still i nthe middle of watching el tigre and i ended up getting hyperfixated i fear #mlaatr will be next hold ur horses jenny enjoyers #dewdles #comic

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mrmrsman · 4 months

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I'd love to see a dpxdc story where the Justice League knows about Amity Park and the Ghosts the whole time, and does think the ghosts are rogues to be addressed. Doesn't agree with the GIW, maybe doesn't even know about them? THE IMPORTANT PART.

The Red Huntress is the only active vigilante in Amity Park, according to the JL. Phantom is marked as one of her rogues. Maybe the Fentons even are marked as rogues from all the property damages and random shooting/sliming of citizens. Valarie is the only person successfully taking care of the ghosts, masking and suiting up in the classic vigilante way the whole time.

#dpxdc #dc x dp #dc x dp crossover #dp x dc #dp x dc crossover #honestly i feel like the opinion im imagining the jl having towards the giw is #on our side technically but wholey incompetent as an organization #anyway i wanna see Valerie get recruited for yj type stuff #because she is in world so much more obvious as a vig working in amity #and Danny maybe a bit jealously sneaking along with her on her missions #and ending up working with her kinda like in life lessons

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r0semultiverse · 8 months

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WHAT HAPPENED TO THE ORIGINAL MARCELINE OF THE WINTER KING'S UNIVERSE!? 😨

Is the implication that Ice King took her out with all of the other oozers or did the oozers end up killing her?? Either way, it seems that this Simon was not coping well with any of what was going on in his life. Living a life of hypocrisy & ruling a false kingdom.

#is the implication that Ice King took her out with all of the other mutated people?#or did the mutated people end up taking her out?#right as he was talking about making an ice Betty as being 'unethical;' but he had ice Marceline hidden away in his castle #there was nothing ethical about the Winter King's methods; though I'm curious about how he learned to cast a spell to project the madness #of the crown specifically onto this universe's PB?? I wanna know more about that & I wonder if a similar method will be how Fionna & Cake's #reality gets saved? Maybe! 👀#mine #op #marceline abadeer #winter king #marceline the vampire queen #adventure time fionna & cake #adventure time #adventure time fionna and cake #adventure time spoilers #atimers #ice king #ice simon #simon petrikov #fionna and cake

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astorkes · 2 months

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a kid needs to rest sometimes

check out my ko-fi shop, in a few days i'll be putting this (and more) up as printables🧐🥳

#oh i am miserable #end me #im in the library rn trying not to be a freak over trigun #it's not working #i wanna go home and draw more #trigun stampede #trigun #trigun stampede fanart #trigun fanart #trigun stampede wolfwood #wolfwood #nicholas wolfwood #nicholas d. wolfwood #wolfwood fanart #fanart #my art

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gatoiberico · 9 months

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the depths

print

#totk #botw #loz #link #zelda #elgatoiberico #finally done this shenanigan of a scene #I wanted to try doing something a bit more ambitious #also punchy #or rather action...y #I've also been feeling kinda lost with my art and what I wanna do with it so this was basically a “try it out and see” piece #what I ended up seeing is that link is so small #I mean sure he's small but he's small x 2 here #sorry link all the glory goes to the bokoblin getting slapped #on a completely #ok nearly completely #different side note did anyone else take a while to figure out how to fight armoured bokoblins??#bc I needed a moment to understand and it really did take me a Moment and then some

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lazorbeanz · 19 days

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THE BROTHERS!!!!

❤️💙💛

TAILS FINALLY GOT SOME POPCORN!!! (Well for a minute there anyways lol) 🙌🍿

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tooquirkytolose · 1 year

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Love Spell~

#my art #comic #a lil doodley one before i do the witch one teehee #in my head this is a spiritual successor to crossroads of destiny lmao #i did the opposite btw if anyone cares! the guide smiles until they think they'll be left alone #here the girl doesnt smile until the end :)#anyways raise ur hand if u wanna be turned into a frog

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batfamhyperfixation · 1 month

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Pre-dating, Tim or Bernard not knowing the other isn’t straight

Tim, leaning over to look at Bernard’s phone as they chill in Tim’s bedroom: whatcha doing?

Bernard: imma send Red Robin subtle messages until I trick him into admitting he’s into guys so I can sleep with him

Tim, bi panic, blushing: you’re what?

Bernard, typing out a message on his phone: here how does this sound Tim, ‘gay af to be a detective, what are you inspecting, other men??’, sound subtle enough?

Tim, too dumbfounded to speak:

Bernard: yeah you’re right, it’s perfect, imma send it

*Tims phone goes off, and then both watch it light up, Bernard seeing the message he just sent*

Tim, picking up his phone, typing, and sending a message without saying anything, face nearly bright red as he glances over at Bernard, who is staring at him wide eyed not saying anything

Bernard, looking down at the text Tim sent him back as Red Robin that says, ‘I like you, let’s fuck’:

Bernard: hey Tim I have a couple of questions

#Bernard: first and foremost did you send this as Tim or Red Robin second most are you catfishing me or are you Red Robin #and third probably most important with or without the suit on? don’t get me wrong I’m down for either but like #Tim: woah slow down a minute #Bernard: sorry did you wanna ask something #Tim: yeah that’s how you rizz me up? coulda said something like take me to Arkham cause I’m about to steal your heart but no you sent this #Bernard: hey it worked! I still got you so you have no place to talk cause end of the day mine still enticed you enough #Tim: it definitely wasn’t your message that made me say yes Bernard #tim drake #bernard dowd #timbern #timber #bi tim drake

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wheresernie · 11 months

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If you have speech issues due to brain fog or psychosis or schizophrenia spectrum or intellectual disability or aphasia or whatever reason love you forever. We are not stupid, we are not freaks, we are disabled (if you identify that way) and deserve to be normalized. Speak "strange" forever

-schizophrenic with somewhat constant disorganized speech and writing

#i didnt correct this post even though i normally do because i want to let people know some grammar #issues are not the end of the world or cause a lack of legitamacy #disorganized speech #brain fog #actuallypsychotic #actually schizophrenic #pseriouslyschizospectrum #aphasia #disordered speech #not tagging id because i dont wanna soeak over actually id people in the tag but you are thr most important

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girlyteengirl16 · 7 months

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as i get older i really do understand why people abuse substances now

#tw drugs #mentally unstable #trauma #tw depressing stuff #mental abuse #i wanna kms #i want to be okay #pls help me #i’m so tired of living #im so tired of being me #i want to end it all #mentally tired #tw depressing thoughts

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