#it’s 2:30am and i’m back on my bullshit

[silentglassbreak]

Anonymous

Noah Sebastian x OFC

I’m getting more readers, which makes me so excited! We’ve got to dig in on this one. We’ve got a ways to go. Thanks for reading!

Warnings: Alcohol abuse, overall abuse, mild violence (ie. bar fights), smut, swearing, and altogether just a lot of fuckery.

+It goes without saying, this is a work of fiction. All of my words are my own. Plagiarism is a crime.

Taglist: @flowery-mess

Part 6 - Kingdom of Cards

When my eyes finally cracked open, Angel’s cold nose was touching mine, his eyes brightened by the sunlight peering in across the living room. It took me a moment to adjust to my surroundings, but the night before came flooding back all at once.

I shifted my legs, reminding myself that I was indeed naked from the waist down. I felt an uncomfortable moisture between my legs, which made me groan out loud.

“Well look who decided to join us, Angel.” His voice floated across the living room from the kitchen. I caught a glimpse of dark hair out of the corner of my eye, walking toward me with two mugs in his hand.

He was still shirtless, but had his pants on. That felt wildly unfair.

“I hope it’s alright, I made us some coffee.”

I pulled the blanket up to my neck, my eyes still squinting while adjusting to the sunlight. He set the mug down on the coffee table in front of me while I nodded in response.

He sat down on the couch near my feet, only perched on the edge. “I also hope it’s alright that I stayed over last night. I fell asleep before the movie ended, and didn’t realize until this morning.”

I couldn’t process that right now. “What time is it?”

“7:30, do you work today?”

“Ugh! Why are we awake at 7:30AM?” I pouted at him.

He laughed. “Sorry, I’m an early riser, and Angel had to use the restroom. He pawed at my arm until I woke up.”

I glared at my hound, irritated that he made me start this day before life was meant to be awake.

I rolled my body toward the back of the couch, yawning and fixating myself until I was comfortable.

“I don’t work today, therefore I am going back to sleep.” I mumbled.

I felt Noah stand off the couch.

“Okay, I guess I’ll head home once I’m done with my coffee, then.”

My eyes popped open, something about that idea not sitting well with me.

“Wait.” He looked down at me, already moving toward the kitchen. “When do you leave for tour?”

“Monday.” He said between sips of coffee.

I sat up, pulling the blanket over my lap, and stretched my arms over my head before speaking again.

“So you’re probably super busy with getting ready and stuff, huh?” I said mid-yawn.

He smirked. “Kinda sorta? Tomorrow my schedule is full of last minute packing, getting the house ready to be gone, arranging schedules, and all that bullshit. Sunday is panic day.”

My eyebrow quirked. “Panic day?”

He walked back over to the couch and sat next to me. “Mhm,” another sip of coffee. “See, the day before we leave, I always set aside to panic about stupid shit. What am I forgetting? Who do I need to call and check in on? Do we have enough food for the bus? That kind of dumb shit. Helps me not to panic after we leave.”

I nod. “That’s really smart.”

“I know.” He tipped his cup toward mine, and I picked it up, sipping the warm brewed coffee, letting it wake me a little more.

“Today, though, all I have to do is meet with my tour manager at 2, so we can make sure all the deposits were paid and the gear is loaded.”

I glanced down at my cup.

“Well, I don’t have plans today - like most days. You don’t have to leave right this second.” I glanced up at him. “Unless you want to.”

His grin was genuine. “I don’t.” He set his coffee down. “I already let Nick know I was okay and didn’t fall off the wagon. Let him know I was here.”

This piqued my curiosity. “You didn’t lie and tell him you were somewhere else?”

He shook his head. “I don’t like lying to Nick. He gets pissy for way too long once he finds out.”

I like Nick. He’s good for Noah.

His voice pulled me from my thoughts. “So…” I peered back at him. “We going to talk about last night?”

This made me squirm uncomfortably. The memory infiltrated my brain, making the moisture between my legs more pronounced.

“Uh…” I set my coffee down and shifted so my legs were crossed and covered.

He softened his eyes, looking at my face. “We don’t have to.”

I groaned, reaching over to the pillow on the edge of the couch and pressing it into my face. My voice came out muffled.

“Yeah we do.”

I heard him laughing now. Glad he found it amusing.

“I mean, if it was that bad, you can tell me. I’ve got thick skin.”

This made me snap back up, disbelief painting my features. “What?!”

His expression was smug, but not enough to annoy me. “I mean, be honest with me.”

I chucked the pillow at him then, him deflecting with his arm while he roared with laughter.

“You jackass, it was great!”

This made the smug grin on his face widen to the point I thought maybe he would break his jaw.

“Don’t get too excited. We shouldn’t have done it.”

This made his face fall, and I cursed myself internally for making him look like that. Before I could speak again, his brow furrowed.

“Why?”

This took me back. What kind of question was that?

“Because I’m your sponsor, Noah. It’s so heavily frowned upon.”

He contemplated this. I kept my tone even, strict but not stern.

“So, you won’t be my sponsor anymore.” It wasn’t a question.

I sighed. “You need a sponsor. You still need support.”

He sat back, closer to me now. “Okay, so I ask Nick. He already offered. I just needed an excuse to call you every day.”

This made me still. Is he openly admitting that he has wanted this? I get what he said last night, but I figured that was just in the heat of the moment.

“Seriously?”

He reached over, then, pulling my arm over so he could grab my hand, sliding his palm over mine.

“I know it isn’t right. I was with Lily, so I told myself it was just me needing my sponsor.” He looked away from me, staring at our hands that were neatly placed on top of each other. “But after a while, it was pretty obvious that it was more than that. And then the problems with her started…”

He trailed off. We needed to talk about this.

“What happened, Noah?”

He chewed on his bottom lip. “You remember when she backed out of the tour?” I nodded. “Well, that was when I felt like we really started to disconnect. Lily and I were together for almost a year, and I really did love her. We had been friends for so long before, it just seemed natural.”

My stomach dropped a little, but I let him go on.

“But a big part of our relationship was the drinking. I wouldn’t say she’s an alcoholic, but I was. And it was clear, it was just never talked about. When I finally figured it out, she told me I was fine. I was just getting it out of my system before I ‘grew up’. It felt weird, like she didn’t care about my wellbeing.”

“So anyway, last night I called her and asked her to reconsider coming on tour. My feelings for you were getting stronger, and I was afraid if her and I didn’t re-establish our connection, we’d lose it altogether.”

Noah was so good. No one deserved him.

“She shut me down. Told me I needed to focus on the shows, the tour, and maybe not so much on my ‘recovery’, her quotes, not mine. She doesn’t believe I have a problem, but that I’m looking for an excuse to get attention.”

This made a hot feeling rise in my throat. I was enraged. But I bit my tongue, wanting to leave the space open.

“So I snapped. I told her she either needed to accept who I was, or leave. She didn’t even hesitate. She told me to ‘call her when I’m over this phase’.”

I squeezed his hand, signaling that I had him. He was safe.

“Noah, I’m so fucking sorry. I can’t even believe that.”

He shook his head. “It’s for the best.” He looked up then, smiling tiredly at me. “Besides, when you told me to come over, I figured that was the universe’s way of telling me the path I’m supposed to be on.”

I couldn’t help but smile at that. It was hard to deny that being around Noah felt like it just fit. Like something that was missing, had suddenly appeared. I never let myself think about that, though.

“Well…” I thought out my next words carefully. “we can…try. I don’t know how well we’ll do, but you have to promise you’ll find another sponsor.”

His teeth flashed at me, elation rising.

“But, I don’t want anything official. You’re about to leave for two months. Let’s just see what happens, okay?”

His expression mimicked what I would expect from a child on Christmas morning.

“Yes ma’am.” I felt a tingle in my stomach at that.

He reached over to me, ever so gently brushing his lips to my cheek, leaving a small kiss that had me blushing.

“You’re still insufferable.” I shook my head and stood up, pulling my shirt down over my bare ass. I caught his eyes watching me, now looking a little hungry. “I need a shower. Then, if you want, you can join Angel and I for a walk.”

He licked his lips. “Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to ask to join you for the shower?”

I hid the shiver that crept up my spine, smiling wickedly as I walked toward the hallway. “Yes, it would be.”

I watched his disappointment turn his lips down.

“Luckily for you, I like inappropriate.” I quipped before turning down the hallway.

The water sprayed down my back while my I stood under it, his lips going to work on my neck. I moaned loudly while his fingers slid in and out of my pussy, making my legs shake.

“Jesus fucking Christ, I’m going to fall over.”

His arm snaked behind my waist, his teeth now tugging at my earlobe. “Nah baby girl, I got you.”

His voice was so low, so raspy. I could barely keep myself from finishing right here. I rolled my head against his chest, mine heaving with my erratic breaths.

I glanced down, watching his erection stand at attention, begging to be touched. I reached my hand down, wrapping my fingers around his shaft, tugging gently, listening to his breathing hitch.

“Mm, do you have any idea how difficult it is not to just fuck you right here?” His eyes were pressed closed, focusing on keeping his hand steady while I worked him over.

“I haven’t figured out why you’re not.” My voice was barely above a whisper.

This made him look over at me, eyes black as night, his mouth closed in a tight line. He reached behind me, shutting the water off quickly and pulling me in, capturing my lips with his.

Exactly the same as the night he first kissed me, he grabbed my ass and lifted me up, my legs wrapping around his back instinctively. Our kiss broke for only a second while he stepped out of the shower, walking cautiously slow out to the bedroom so we didn’t slip. I used this time to latch onto his ear, sucking and kissing red marks into the tattoos on the side of his neck.

He sat down on the bed, leaving me room to straddle and grind against him. We moaned in unison, the friction too sweet.

He suddenly went still, causing me to freeze.

“I don’t have a rubber.”

I pulled back to look at his face, searching my brain for where I left the box I bought forever ago.

“I have some in my closet, but they’re pretty old.”

“How old?”

“A year? Maybe more?”

He pursed his lips. “Get them?”

I jumped off of him, and he leaned back on his hands, watching me intently while I turned and jogged to my walk-in closet.

I had to dig around on the shelf a bit before returning with the foil pouch.

He ripped it open with his teeth and inspected it, running the pad of his thumb over it.

“I think it’s alright?” He raised an eyebrow at me for approval.

I grabbed it from him, checking for myself before being satisfied and reaching down to apply it to him. He watched me, likely insuring I put it on correctly. Once I had let go of him, he grabbed me, causing me to squeal while he flipped me on the bed. His arms grabbed me by the hips, pulling me to the edge of the bed, his feet firmly planted on the carpet.

My mouth hung open, patiently waiting for him to line himself up to my entrance. I sighed with satisfied relief when he pressed himself in slowly, giving me a second to adjust to the feeling. It had been such a long time since I’d felt anything like this, it had me swimming in oceans I’d never known existed.

“Fuck, Leena. So fucking tight.” I snuck a glance at him, his eyes closed, bottom lip caught between his teeth.

I adjusted my hips, giving him more room to lean down on top of me. He backed out slowly, leaving an empty feeling before slamming back into me with full force, pulling a scream out of my throat.

His rhythm was relentless, pressing deep into me with each hard thrust. I lifted my legs to hook around him. His mouth attacked mine again, pressing his tongue into my mouth hungrily.

He pulled away, and looked down at me, his teeth gritted together.

“Touch yourself.” There was no asking, with Noah.

I let my hand wander down between us, him lifting up slightly to give me room. I let my fingers roll over my clit, breathing hard at the sensation.

“That’s it. Come on my cock, baby.” I couldn’t tear my eyes away from his face, sweat forming near his hairline. He was so delicious. So unbelievable.

I felt myself get so close, I had to grab onto his shoulder to ground myself.

“Fuck Noah, I’m going to come. I’m going to come so fucking hard.”

If it were somehow possible, he sped up, slamming his hips into me, partially lifting me to get a fresh angle.

His eyes began to roll back and his mouth fell open.

“Fuck, fuck, I’m coming, holy fuck.” His words only brought me over the edge, stars exploding behind my lids.

He slowed his thrusts, riding me through my orgasm before stopping entirely.

-

I watched Noah’s SUV back out of the driveway, a small pull in my chest tightening. It wasn’t fun, feeling like the bubble of safety we had been in for the last 13 hours had burst, but it had to happen eventually.

I had no idea what this meant, or where we would go from here, but I did know that I didn’t want to spoil it by talking about it with anyone, or getting too excited.

Noah was interested, that much was abundantly clear. I was still concerned that his attachment to me was driven by his addiction, though. What would it mean if I wasn’t his sponsor anymore, and I wasn’t his person to run to when the cravings hit? What if he only grew these feelings because I was a safe space for him? And now I’m not that?

What made me so fucking special?

I asked myself all of these questions as I pattered around my home, running laundry, washing the few dishes, sweeping the floors.

I had to put my sheets in the wash after this morning, which made me stop and smile at the thought.

After about three hours of being alone, and realizing I had been spacing out, my phone chimed.

Noah: Is it weird that I feel really out of place at home, now?

This made me smile, but also raise an eyebrow. He had only been gone a few hours.

Me: Maybe a little.

I followed it up with another quick message.

Me: Is it weird it feels empty here now?

His response came only seconds later.

Noah: Can you come over?

Noah: I could use a snack. ;)

I felt the warmth grow in my belly, shaking my head and chuckling.

Me: Baby, you need to get ready for tour.

Adding the pet name had me slightly horrified. It was an experiment. See his reaction. His text took exactly five minutes to come in, which knotted me up waiting.

Noah: You could help me.

I sighed. My phone vibrated again.

Noah: Baby.

“Oh, I am so fucked.”

-

The drive to his house took me sixteen painfully long minutes. When I hit the button for the gate, and it swung open after a few moments, I parked and saw a grinning Noah waiting for me at the top of the drive. I hopped out of the vehicle, Angel trailing behind.

“Did you walk here?” He padded over to me, wrapping his unnaturally long arms around me. His head dipped down to place a soft kiss on my lips, lingering for a few seconds. I inhaled, smelling the scent of fresh shampoo and some unknown cologne. He smelled so unique. So very Noah.

“Get a room, ya freaks!” I pulled back instinctively, my head whipping over to the voice.

Folio stood by the large red pickup truck parked just outside of the garage. I bowed my head sheepishly and Noah smiled, lifting a finger at him before grabbing my hand and leading me inside.

“Sorry, he’s just mad that he hasn’t gotten laid in a while!” He said unnecessarily loud, tossing a glance toward his band mate who only stuck his tongue out in response.

“You’ll have to excuse the mess, it gets pretty crazy right before we leave.” The living room was littered with bags of varying types; suitcases, backpacks, trunks with wheels on them. The couch was covered in laid out merch, shirts being draped over the back. I stopped to look at them for a moment.

“Want one?” He stepped over, picking up a black shirt with the image of a girl licking a samurai blade. The back listed their tour dates. “These are the new ones, we get samples sent over to give out, or wear, or whatever.” He sifted through the stack, picking out a medium, and handing it to me.

I held it up against myself, noticing it may just barely lift over my D cup breasts.

“Uh…could I get an XL? If you have one?” He snatched the shirt back and handed me another. I flung it over my shoulder as he went back to looking through them.

“What size does Laura wear?” I quickly told him the medium would be fine, so he handed it to me. “Those aren’t even released yet, so you guys are extra special.”

I smiled and feigned amazement. “No way!”

He shook his head and waved me over. “C’mon.”

Angel and I followed him upstairs, my dog obediently staying at my side. Noah opened the door just at the top of the staircase to a darkened bedroom, only lighting coming from his computer desk in the corner. His bed was, I guessed, a queen size. A large flat screen covered the wall adjacent. Aside from that, his room was relatively bare. He flipped on a light.

Pointing his finger and snapping, Noah barked out, “Angel, bed.”

My dog jumped on the mattress happily, stepping in a circle before curling up and plopping down.

I raised my eyebrows. “Did you just command my dog?”

Noah sat next to Angel, scratching the top of his head. “He likes me.”

I slipped my bag off my shoulder and walked over to his computer chair, setting it and the shirts down, and stepping back over to Noah, invading the space between his legs.

“So.” I stated, dropping my hands on his shoulders. His fingers gripped my hips, eye level with my breasts and taking in a full view.

“So…” His eyes roamed over my body, hands sliding up and down my legs.

“You wanted me here.” I smirked. “Here I am.”

“Right, right. What ever could we do?” His voice was deeper, his intentions clear.

I reached down to connect us, our mouths now molding together. I lifted one knee up on the bed beside him, pressing myself into his torso.

“Yo, Noah!” A male voice called from downstairs. He didn’t react, and when I tried to pull back, he held me firmly in place, bringing his kisses down to my neck and collarbone.

I swore I heard a thumping on the steps, but I couldn’t identify any sounds right now, not with his tongue tracing circles on my neck and his lips pulling at my skin.

“Dude, you need to - oh fuck! Excuse me!” I jerked back, Noah having the same reaction. We both snapped our heads to the doorway, seeing a very embarrassed Nick diverting his eyes. “I’m so fucking sorry.”

I snickered and looked away.

Nick waved nervously, without looking at me. “Hey Leena.”

I smiled at him. “Hi Nick.”

“Dude, kind of in the middle of something here.” Noah’s voice was annoyed, his hands still firmly gripping my sides.

“Sorry, but we need help loading Jolly’s amp into the trailer. Fucker’s so heavy.”

He shrugged, dropping his head between us.

“If I tell Angel to sick’em, will he?”

I giggled. “It doesn’t exactly work like that, babe.”

Nick cleared his throat. “Sorry, but this should’ve been done yesterday. We’re running behind.”

I moved my leg off the bed and stepped back, giving Noah room to stand up.

I heard him grumble as he walked past me. “Fucking dickhead.”

I called Angel and we followed Noah out of the bedroom.

-

Monday came way too quickly, and I hadn’t seen Noah since Friday night when I left his house. After ‘supervising’ the guys load up their equipment, and helping Noah work on some packing, Angel and I had headed home without any additional extra-curricular activities, unfortunately.

Saturday was a blur. I had met up with Laura to give her the new shirt, sending Noah a picture of us both wearing our new merch. He said he was glad Laura loved it, and made some rather unspeakable remarks about how I had better be wearing only that the next time he saw me. Laura and I went to dinner Saturday night where I gave her the diluted version of what happened; Noah and I were no longer in a sponsor/sponsee relationship, but were also not in a real relationship. She said I was avoiding it, I told her to leave me alone.

Sunday was spent on the phone with Noah most of the day while he did exactly as he had warned me; panicked.

“I can’t find my Docs. I need them. I wear them on stage!” They were in the closet.

“What if the bus breaks down like it did last time? Does AAA do roadside assistance for tour buses?” They do, I called and checked.

“I didn’t pack enough jackets. Colorado is always so cold.” It’s May.

“Folio stole my god damn ski mask!” He didn’t. Noah’s was in the washing machine.

Once he stopped having ‘real’ things to panic over, he began the really sad stuff.

“I’m going to miss you.”

“How am I going to handle being away from you for two months?”

“Can’t you just come with me? Angel can come too!”

After much reassurance, and declining to quit my job and up and leave my entire life to join him on tour, I had finally talked him into bed and waited on the phone while he fell asleep.

Currently, I was sitting at my desk, counting down the seconds until I got to go home. Work had been exhausting, and I was so ready to take my bra off and lay in my pajamas.

I clicked open my phone, not having missed any texts and feeling depressed about it. I hadn’t heard from Noah since 7AM when he sent me a video. I pressed on the video to play it for the hundredth time today.

“Hey babe!” He stood outside his house, coffee in his hand, the large bus sitting behind him. “We’re heading out here in a second! We’re headed to Greenwood, but won’t get there until about 9 or 10 tonight. I may not get service, but I’ll call you when I can! Have a great day at work.” The video ended with a large grin on his face that made me smile to myself.

“What’s got you so giddy?” I looked up to see Sam, my not-so-favorite manager standing on the other side of my desk. I popped my AirPod out, looking up at him.

“What?” I asked him to repeat, not that I hadn’t heard him, if only just to annoy him.

“What has you smiling all day?”

I checked the time on my computer and saw that it was 5PM, so I stood from my desk and grabbed my purse.

“Nothing exciting. Funny TikTok.”

Sam nodded, his eyes roaming over my blouse, down my tight-fitting slacks. I internally gagged and began moving around my desk.

“Hey, Leena,” I turned to look as I passed by him. “You want to grab dinner or something?”

The shock and disgust must have not shown on my face, because he just stared with a toothy grin, confidence rolling off of him.

“I, uh…” My voice stammered, wildly aware how much taller and larger he was than I. “I can’t.”

“Why not?” He seemed bewildered, as if he couldn’t believe someone would turn him down.

“I’m involved with someone.”

He snorted at this. “Since when, Celibate Susie?”

I narrowed my eyes at him. This fucking asshole.

“That’s none of your business, Sam. And I don’t think HR would care for that nickname.”

He rolled his eyes.

“Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to lock my office.”

He swaggered past me toward the door, turning back around swiftly, causing me to stop short.

“Well, if you change your mind, you’ve got my number.” He was so close that I could still smell the pastrami on his breath from lunch and I almost gagged.

I just glared at him for a beat before he walked away. I locked my office door hurriedly and nearly sprinted for the building doors. Right as I reached my car, I felt my phone vibrating in my bag.

I cursed, struggling to fish it out before Noah’s face flashed across my screen. I swiped the call open and he began speaking before I could greet him.

“Hey babe! We’re stopped for gas and I’m just outside stretching. Sorry I haven’t called. Service has been weird all through Utah. We’re in some backwoods ass town called Green River, I think? It’s kind of creepy, really. Some real Hills Have Eyes stuff.”

“Anyway, how was your day?”

I sighed, now sitting in the driver’s seat of my car, listening to the melody of his voice ramble.

“Ugh, I miss you so much already.”

#noah sebastian #noah sebastian fic #bad omens fanfiction #bad omens #fanfic

[nowyouknowdano]

Fucked- Inmate Sweat x fem reader pt.2 (nsfw)

It’s been 6 days, and other than a few winks here and there inmate Sweat has honored my request to keep our distance. They say ‘distance makes the heart grow fonder’, and whoever they are, they must be clever, because he’s all I can think about. I’m missing his touch, his rough fingers squeezing and rubbing all over my body. I miss his voice, how he’d moan in my ear and tell me how beautiful I looked while bouncing on his cock. I miss him especially at night, when I’m all alone in my bed. I imagine what it’d be like to have Sweat with me out here in the free world. Would he still look at me with that deep carnal hunger? Would he kiss me with the same feverish passion he does now? Would he still fuck me hard like it was the last thing he’d ever do? Maybe he likes me enough to actually respect my requests, or maybe I’m just stupid enough to fall for his bullshit. 

On the 7th day I broke. I gave in. I threw in the towel. Maybe I’m a bad person, maybe I’m an idiot, maybe I’m a weak woman or maybe… I’m just horny. I suppressed the urge to call Sweat to the back for the first 2 hours of work. I tried to keep busy checking up on inventory, but I couldn’t stop myself from looking over at him every now and again, and every time I did his eyes would catch mine. His hungry stare resembled that of a wolf stalking his prey, just waiting for the right moment to strike. I quickly finish up talking to another inmate about about his productivity and send him back to his work station.

“Inmate Sweat, can you help me take stock of this week’s shipment, in tailor 9 please?” I asked trying to act nonchalant as I glanced at CO Lambert to see if he was paying attention. He wasn’t, he’s currently checking his phone so hopefully he won’t notice Sweat and I gone for a few minutes. “Uh yeah, of course.” He utters in a calm and collected tone. He glared at a couple of inmates around him who watched him get up with a faint choir of childish “ooo’s”, as if he’s been caught stealing by the teacher in elementary school. 

I check the clock to see it’s 11:30am we have between 2-5 minutes before someone notices we’re gone. Once Sweat and I get into the cold dingy room he moves quickly and quietly to lock the door, before setting down his clipboard and unbuckling his pants, pulling them down with his underwear. I move as fast as I can to do the same so he can have easy access to where he wants to be most of all. Backing up to sit against the icy steel table, goosebumps form all over my body, I can’t tell if they are from the cold room, or the sight in front of me. I watch him pump himself while shuffling towards me, oh it’s a beautiful sight. Once he’s close enough he leans down to kiss me hard as his large calloused hand lets go of his shaft to desperately knead into the soft plump flesh of my hips. “Mmm, it’s been too long. I was beginning to think you found a new toy to play with.” He breathlessly uttered in between his rough sloppy kisses. “No, Its just I have every COs eyes on me right now Mmm and i- ooo do that again.” I barely breathe out the words as he kisses and bites all the way down from my neck to my chest, while his right hand is reaching around to squeeze my ass, his left hand is in between my thighs as he rubs his fingers through my wet folds flicking his middle finger over my clit. I run my hands up his strong arms, wishing he’d remove his shirt so I could feel the warm skin beneath it but we don’t have time for that so I’ll snake my hands up his shoulders and down his long hard torso, so I can begin to stroke his long hard cock. “Ahh fuck, don’t you worry about them baby. It’s just you and me now,” his words vibrate against my shoulder, soothing me with his deep voice as he digs his middle finger into my dripping cunt. God his long powerful fingers curling inside of me feel so much better than my own ever could. I only stop stroking his cock when he takes his fingers out of me and stops sucking on my neck to rub the wetness from me all down his heavy solid member. He wets his shaft and lines himself up at my soaked entrance before grabbing my soft hips and slamming into me as deep as he can go.

A/n: if ur reading this i hope u like it so far 1 more part🙊

#escape at dannemora #paul dano #dwayne hoover #little miss sunshine #paul dano fanfic #okja #jay okja #eli sunday #the riddler #the riddler x reader #the riddler fanfiction #the batman 2022 #calvin weir fields #ruby sparks

[truthandlove]

ONe teestimony of hundreds of thousands: submitting to fake healthcare, to bioweapons, has terrible consequences --

Written by a Mom. "My daughter Layla Brown died at 3 months of age May 29th 2020.  The pain will never go away. The way I found her on my bed will never go away . There will always be a part of my heart that will still hurt.

She was always happy she will make sure she have a smile on her face and yours she was one special baby girl.  no health issues at all she was healthy baby well taken care of but….. I never knew this will happen to me this was my biggest fear and it still happen to me.  I’m going to always ask God why me, why my baby girl? I know we don’t suppose to but this one will always have me asking him it’s not enough words. I need more answers YES THE SHOTS SHE TOOK KILLED MY BABY GIRL they just not gone tell me that they don’t know why she past away there have to be a reason my baby gone. it's crazy that she took her shot at 2 months,  shot on April 20th.  she slept all day , I had to wake up few times then the next day that’s when she started yelling like somebody was hurting her, she was having diarrhea a lot it never stop then a week before she passed the screaming was getting louder she didn’t want her bottle she always wanted someone to hold her then her poop was turning red,  her stomach was hurting her,  then the day of she wouldn’t stop screaming for nothing.. 

I took her to the hospital and to her doctor they both said it’s fine it’s was normal for newborns to have these symptoms. (bullshit! pain is there to get your attention) 10:20 when I put her to sleep she was fine then I checked on her at 3:00am she was fine at 5:30am I checked on her again she laying there COLD I’m screamed my mom caning running in there got her rush her to the hospital I was only 2 mins away from the hospital they grabbed her from us started working on her then 30mins later the doctor and nurses came and told me she didn’t make it she was already gone before we got her to the hospital my baby girl is she gone. Something just not added up these doctors killed my baby and please don’t tell me these shots didn’t do it because a yes they did! Do your research on these vaccines shots they giving different baby different shot I thought these doctors was here to protect our kids NO THEY OUT HERE TO KILL THEM just like they out here to kill us my baby girl didn’t deserve this (no she did not but your lack of research did this to her) I didn’t either, my family either we all taking it so rough right now my heart is so heavy every night I got to come home every night where my baby had her last breathe on my bed y’all don’t know how tough that is for me where I lay my head at my pain is so different I don’t wish this on anybody now I know what it feels like loosing you child it’s hard definitely buried them knowing they not coming back. by LAYLASWORLD

[maybeishouldwritesomething]

You know what one of the lovely things about the Professor Hulk scenario is?

For a time, Thor was the one who had it all, and Bruce had nothing. Scraps of a past he’d rather forget and so much misplaced guilt. And Thor would be the one to listen and offer kind words, and strong arms on nights when the nightmares were so bad that words just weren’t enough.

Thor has lost a lot, and almost all at once. And probably no one understands that better than Bruce - the man who could have had everything, only to have it ripped out from under him. Bruce has had time to grow and learn and heal, and to finally bring the two constantly warring parts of himself together. He’s made peace. He can be the man he was learning to be before everything went to Hell. And now he can be there for Thor and make him feel the same way Bruce did on all those sleepless nights, small and safe and protected.

Thor may have been left with almost nothing, but maybe Bruce is all he needs.

#it’s 2:30am and i’m back on my bullshit #uni’s almost done and i can get back to writing finally #i really hope this ship’s still going #thorbruce #brucethor #gammahammer #thruce #thunderscience #bruce banner/thor #bruce/thor #avengers endgame spoilers #endgame spoilers #just in case #tanja's writing #tanja’s headcanon

[xoxo-teddybear]

Hey idk if I’ve asked for this before but can you do nsfw Bakugo x fem reader fic, where you do work studies with him. He’s obviously going to be a little older 3-6 years, and you two have know each other since you were kids and he’s always just been a little nicer to you and cared about you more than others, and when you are working with him you get hurt and he flips out. You’re really confused and your like “wtf why do you care this isn’t affecting your job” and he gets mad your not getting the hint that he cares about you in a “not friendly” way, he ends up tch’ing and just says frick it and confesses that he has feelings for you and you’re just like cool I reciprocate and he’s like “with”... it just gets frisky from there... Idk if this is like a thing you might be interested in writing about, but like it just an idea😃... Anyways I love your work please keep it up🥺(sorry for any grammatical errors I’m writing this at 2:30am)

What Took So Long? - Bakugou Katsuki

Bakugo x f!reader

Warnings: NSFW, f!receiving, mutual pining, angst, injury, fluff, cursing, all the good stuff

BAKUGOU”S MASTERLIST

Summary: you and Katsuki have been close friends for forever, how long is it gonna take to realize both your love is mutual?

Growing up, you and Katsuki got along really well. You knew him before he got his quirk so you got to see his non-egotistical self. You saw the him that was kind and caring and he always looked out for you, always took care of you, always was there for you. In your eyes, you thought he thought it was in a big brother kinda way. Oh how that changed once you both became teenagers.

You both made it into UA, of course at different times, but you still kept in touch. You guys hung out like, everyday! It was always wake up, FaceTime, go to school, text throughout the day, and meet and go to either your house or his. It was like there was nobody else in the world except you two.

Throughout the years, you developed a small crush on the blonde boy. What went from a small crush turned into love. To you, it was unreciprocated love. He was 3 years older than you! He had to have seen you as a little sister. It only made sense! When you came to that terribly incorrect realization, you pushed back your feelings. What you had with Katsuki was special! You’re friendship meant the world to you. It didn’t matter if you wanted more, what you had was already perfect, there was no way it could’ve gotten better than this.

—

This. These moments. These memories being made with Katsuki kept you sane. As you both cuddled up and watched a trashy reality tv show in your room on your computer, you both threw popcorn at the screen at the cringe scenes.

“BoooooOOOOO!!” You both said as you threw a handful of the buttery snack. You both laughed at the moment as you settled down again. With you both laying on each other, your head on his, while his own rested on your shoulder, you were sure both of you would get neck pains the next day.

“So,” Katsuki started up a conversation, “how’s your third year at UA?”

“Ugh, don’t get me started. Classes got crazy hard outta nowhere. BUT, lucky for me, I have a UA graduate to help me out!” You said while nudging his arm.

“No way teddy bear, you’re finishing that on your own. As a graduate, that means I don’t gotta deal with that bullshit anymore.” He said as he popped some pieces of the snack into his mouth. With that, you pouted. Something he noticed and thought was insanely adorable. He poked your plump lips and told you, “hey, I’m helping you by letting you do your work study at my agency. You’re very welcome for that.”

“Helping? Suuukkiiii, you barely let me go out and fight. How am I supposed to get experience and actually do my work study if I don’t...you know..WORK?” You whined out. Katsuki had always been avoiding this topic. Yeah, he let you get your credits by going to his agency, but he never let you do any real hero work other than paperwork. Don’t get me wrong, you loved hanging out with him as much as you could, but it was beginning to get boring not doing anything at the agency.

“Y/N, no. You’re getting enough experience. Paper work is a big part in the life of a Pro,” he argued.

“Yeah, well saving people and actually getting out there in the field is a bigger part in the life of a pro.” You rebuttled as you flopped down next to him. You looked at him with puppy eyes and he knew what was coming.

“No.”

“Pleaseee Suki!”

“No.”

“Pleaseee!!”

“Nope.”

“Sukiiiiiii!!” You whined while tugging at his arm. He sighed before answering.

“One job, WITH ME, and that’s all you get.” He said while staring at you with a stern look. You smiled and jumped in the air.

“YESSSS!!”

—

So now here you are, on job number whatever. You weren’t sure how many you’ve actually been on because ever since your first job with Katsuki was a huge success, he let you join him more and more. You were almost like a partner to him now, fighting crime together. Except this time...things went a little south.

As the villain struck you down mid air with his quirk, you fell to the ground with a now burned arm. Katsuki saw red. No fucking way. No way in HELL is he going to let some shit faced freak bring harm to his teddy bear, his world, his best friend, and the love of his life. Yup. Katsuki Bakugou fell for his best friend. But could you blame him? You knew him better than anyone else, you guys got along so well, you were absolutely gorgeous and he was sure he’d give his life for you. 100%. So when this scum bag thought he could try and ruin you, he saw red. Blasting him a thousand times over and once he was sure he was out cold, battered, bloodied, and bruised he ran to check on you.

You were sitting on the ground holding your left arm where the burn mark was. Your costume was tattered and your head felt like it was gonna blow. Katsuki came along and didn’t really help with that all too much.

“YOU FUCKING DUMBASS!” He screamed. Oh, the throbbing your head had only increased with his booming voice.

“You see?! This is exactly why I hate bringing you along! You’re always gonna get hurt!” He said as he picked you up off the ground to help you stand.

“Of course I’m gonna get hurt Dynamight, my job as a hero includes a little beating every now and then for the sake and safety of others!” You replied, raising your voice as well.

“You’re NOT a hero Y/N!” He said as he reached out for your arm.

“Yet! Not yet at least! But I will be!” You replied while pulling away from him. His eyes were shaken and it was clear he was mad. You pushing his buttons didn’t help soothe his anger either.

“NO YOU WONT. Y/N ITS SO OBVIOUS YOU’D MAKE A SHIT HERO! YOU ALREADY GOT HURT ON SUCH A SIMPLE JOB, DO YOU HONESTLY THINK ANYBODY WOULD BE WILLING TO DEPEND ON YOU FOR THEIR SAFETY?!?!?” Bakugou heard the words he said and he thought he was doing the right thing. Granted, he knew the delivery was bad, but his message was in there. He didn’t want Y/N to be hurt. If she died on the battle field, Katsuki wouldn’t know what to do with himself. Y/N can’t be a hero, for her safety and his sanity. He loved her too much to have to watch her take beating after beating. However, Y/N took it in a completely different way.

“Are you trying to say I can’t be a good hero?!” You asked filled with anger and hurt.

“Y/N,”

“It’s H/N, Dynamight. That’s the name you’ll address me as for when we’re on the job. That’s the name you’ll have to get used to because I will be a hero!” You exclaimed.

“You can’t be a hero Y/N! You’re gonna get hurt! You always get hurt! You’d be more of a burden on a mission instead of an advantage! So just stop trying ‘Cuz you’re never gonna make it!” He screamed at you. Is this what he really thought of you. That you were weak and wouldn’t be able to do jack shit? As your eyes began to water, you walked away from him in silence.

“Y/N...where are you going?” He asked you as he followed.

“Recovery girl. She’ll heal me up and I’ll be perfectly fine.” You simply stated.

“At least let me help you,” Bakugou said as he tried to reach out to you, but you only stepped away from him again, which made his heart hurt a little.

“Don’t touch me, Bakugou. I’ll be fine on my own.” You said.

“Bakugou? Who the fuck are you talking to teddy bear?” He said as he got all up in your face. You only rolled your eyes and stepped to the side. You used your quirk to get into the air and travel faster. In the dust, you left behind a confused and hurt Katsuki.

“Uhh....Okay! See you later for movie night!” He yelled out as he watched you fly off. You’d still show up, right? Yeah, you’d show. You always spent everyday together after school and work so it only made sense...right?

—

Well he was wrong. Really wrong. It’s been a week since you last spoke to him, the longest it’s ever been, and he was starting to get into a depressing cycle. Wake up, call Y/N. No reply. Get ready, spam her. No reply. Go to work, text Y/N throughout the day. No reply. Get out of work, go home, shower, eat dinner, do whatever while stalking your social media, go to bed, spam a little more, call twice more, and still. No reply. He misses his teddy bear.

Y/N doesn’t even go to her work study anymore. She’s been doing everything she could to avoid Bakugou, and he’s noticed it all too well. He still gave her the credits, he wanted her to pass of course, but he was also tempted to stop doing that just so she could show up and see him. Thankfully he didn’t.

Now here lies Bakugou Katsuki, watching a movie by himself again, hoping his crush and best friend would show up. But again, like every other night for the past week, she hasn’t shown. The end credits roll in and Bakugou sighs as he looks down, thinking back to all he said.

‘Y/N ITS SO OBVIOUS YOU’D MAKE A SHIT HERO! ... DO YOU HONESTLY THINK ANYBODY WOULD BE WILLING TO DEPEND ON YOU FOR THEIR SAFETY?! ... you’re never gonna make it!’

Bakugou flopped down onto his bed.

“Great idea Katsuki, tell your dream girl she won’t ever reach her goals. That’ll win her heart,” he sarcastically said aloud as he cringed at his own thoughts. Bakugou just let a few tears fall, before rolling over and going to bed. He had patrol in the morning, maybe it’ll get his mind off of Y/N.

—

Orrrr maybe not. Because here he was, Pro-hero Dynamight, following around his 18 year old crush as she walked home after getting some coffee from their favorite cafe. Should he have been on patrol keeping the city safe? Yes. But was he going to take this chance to talk to Y/N to fix this shit? Yes.

Once Y/N made it to her doorstep she heard a voice behind her.

“Glad you made it home safe..Maybe we could pick up on that trashy reality show now that we’re both here,” Katsuki said while trying to joke around. Y/N only rolled her eyes at the hero and attempted to put her key into the lock. Katsuki was quick to react though. He snatched her keys out of her hand before speaking again.

“Y/N please! I can’t live like this! I can’t live without you in my life. You’ve been absent for a week and it’s been driving me insane!” He said while holding onto your wrist.

“Katsuki, give me back my keys.” You calmly said.

“Y/N, just hear me out.” He also calmly said.

“And listen to you say what Katsuki?! That I’ll never be a hero? That even if I was I’d be a terrible one? That I should just give up and stop trying?! Don’t worry, I already have. So now, let me go-“ Bakugou shut you up with a kiss. You were shocked and froze up. He kissed you with such passion and you melted into it, closing your eyes and letting him hold you as he pleased. He speperated from you before speaking again.

“You are not a terrible hero. Y/N you’re one of the strongest people I know. If anything, you’d be a better hero than me...but if you got hurt, I don’t know what I would do.” He said looking down. You turned your head in confusion at his small confession.

“Katsuki?..”

“When you got hurt that day, I was livid. I almost killed that guy, just for scorching your arm. There are so many worse things that could happen to you when you do become a pro and the fact that I freaked out so bad over a little burn is insane! I just want you to be safe. I can’t let you risk your life when I need you hear with me the most...... I can’t let the girl of my dreams get hurt.” He said while placing his forehead on yours.

“When I become a hero, I’d be taking on an oath to put others before my own. And that’s what I choose to do. I’m gonna get banged up from time to time and I understand you’re worried about me, but you have to trust me when I saw I’ll always come back to you. I love you Katsuki.” With that, Bakugou slowly moved in to give you another kiss. This time, you kissed him back, letting your hands travel to his soft, golden hair as he pressed you up against the door.

You heard him unlock your door during the kiss, and as he separated he spoke.

“Let me show you just how much I love you Y/N.” He pushed open the door and continued to make out with you. Kicking the door to close it, he pushed you up against the wall. There he picked you up, and groped your ass, earning a moan from you. With your mouth open, he slipped his tongue in, tasting all of you. He walked to your bedroom, kicking open the door this time, and shutting it the same way as before. He dropped you onto the bed as you both giggled in excitement. You noticed something though. He was still in hero gear.

“Shouldnt you be on patrol, Dynamight?” You asked as he came up to kiss your neck and you pulled him in closer.

“Dynamight has something better to do right now, Teddy Bear. And you know what?” He asked while putting his face right infront of yours.

“Tell me what, hero.”

“That’s the exact name I want you screaming.” He smirked. He tore off his top and mask before taking off your own. He then attacked your breast. He pulled off your bra before taking a second to admire your perfect curves. He squeezed a mound in one hand before taking in the other one with his mouth, biting at your nipple. Leaving hickies all over your chest, he was proud to see the purple marks that now adorn your upper body. He pulled down your pants and kissed your inner thighs. Right at the center was his treat. He pulled at your panties and stuffed them in his pocket.

“Hey!” You said after you noticed what he did.

“My little souvenir. Don’t worry about it princess, I’ll buy you more.” He kissed up on your legs and saw your arousal glistening. He licked his lips as his ruby eyes dialated. He was excited. He took an experimental lick as you moaned at the feeling and he savored the sweet taste. He could help himself, he dove right in for more. As his tongue lapped up against your clit, you moaned out in pleasure.

“Mm...yess Suki! Oh fuck right there..” you said as you pulled on his hair. He smacked your thigh, receiving a yelp from you.

“That’s not my name, princess~” he smirked against your pussy. He stuck his tongue in you and you cried out even more.

“F-Fuck! Dynamight, pleasee...more!” He squeezed your ass in approval as your legs began to shake. He knew what was coming and used his fingers to rub against your bud.

“Fuck..cum for me princess, cum in my mouth and let your hero taste you.” He said as your squirted in his face and Bakugou suck your clit, collecting all your sweet nectar.

“What a good girl,” he said as he came up to kiss you, letting you taste yourself on his tongue.

“You ready for the main event?” He asked while giving you this cocky grin.

“Please..” you whined out.

“Please what, princess? You’re gonna need to be specific.” He knew what he was doing. He wanted you to beg. And you were going to do it.

“Mm..Please Dynamight! Please fuck me with your cock! Please fuck my pussy!” You begged. He smiled and smacked your ass.

“Good girl.” He said as he pulled down his hero slacks and stepped out of the material. Here he was, Pro-hero Dynamight and your now ex best friend completely stripped infront of you. His member hanging out with a hard erection and your eyes went wide at the length. He noticed this and tilted your chin up so your E/C diamonds could meet his eyes. “Don’t worry, it’ll fit,” he kindly said.

“Doubt it,” you sarcastically replied.

“Then we’ll make it fit, Princess.” You bit your lip in excitement. He pumped his cock a few times before placing the tip at your entrance. He rubbed his tip up and down you slit as he spoke.

“I’ve wanted this for so long princess, and now I’m finally gonna make you mine.” He said before he slammed in as you both cried out in ecstasy.

“Oh-oh my god..” you whimpered. He peppered your face in kisses to distract you from the pain. Once you adjusted to his size, you begged him to move.

“Please..more.”

With your permission, he began to thrust in and out of your heat, with hard, slow strokes. Both of you moaning as the sensation. The way he filled you up completely was euphoric. You wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him in for a kiss, moaning into it as he picked up his pace a little more. You could hear his grunts and soft moans as he sped up, enjoying the way your pussy held him tight.

“Mm...Harder, Dynamight...F-Faster..please!” You whined. Katsuki listened, and he listened well. His strokes went deeper, his speed increased, and he fucked you harder than ever as he went up to your ear.

“Yeah...you want it harder?...deeper?....Mm fuck, faster princess? You like it rough? You like how Dynamight fucks your tight little cunt?” He asked while you cried out in pure pleasure.

“Y-yesss. Oh my god yes Dynamight. Fuck me just like this...ahhh!” Bakugou grabbed onto your ass with both his hands as he pummeled into you. You gripped his hair and he moaned at the feeling. He sucked on one of your tits as he looked at you. God, you were gorgeous. The blush that covered your face, you mouth hanging open with a slight smile as moans fall from it, and your eyes looking up like you’ve been fucked stupid.

“Oh..I’m gonna cum! Please, I’m gonna cum!” You moaned out.

“Not yet Teddy bear. Hold it,” he said as he gave your ass a hard smack and pulled out of you. You whined at the loss of his cock and looked at him with begging eyes.

“Turn around princess. I want you on all fours.” He simply said as he continued to pump his cock.” You moaned at the sight of it and smirked to yourself. He watched as you dragged your hand to your center and began playing with yourself.

“And if I don’t listen?” You smiled as you moaned at the way your fingers rubbed at your pussy. Bakugou grabbed your hand and got in your face before you could go any further.

“Then the brat who wants to cum so bad will cum for me 100 times over as her punishment.” He said as a threat but you only took it the best way possible.

“Sounds fun..Katsuki.” With that, he yanked your hand away from yourself and flipped you over before slamming back into you from behind and smacking your ass again and again.

“Ohh fuck...Ah...you think you’re funny, huh y-you brat? Let’s see how funny you are when I fuck you so dumb the only thing you’ll know is my name.” He said as he pounded into you. Your cried were muffled as you screamed into the mattress.

“Don’t do that, princess, I wanna hear your pretty cries,” he said as he yanked your hair, lifting your head up. He grabbed onto your neck and kissed you as you both loudly moaned into it. He squeezed your neck ever so lightly but tightly as he placed his forehead on yours to look down at where you both meet and become one. He sped up at the sight.

“I bet you love this. I bet you love having Dynamight’s cock deep inside you. Can you feel me? Huh? Feel me in your guts? Feel my big dick deep inside you?” He asked as he looked back at you.

“Y-Yesss! Oh f-fuck...ohhh so big!” Bakugou smiled at your comments and felt you squeeze around him.

“S-shit...you gonna cum? Gonna come on this big dick?” He asked as his hand traveled to you pussy, rubbing at your clit.

“Do it! Do it now, cum on my cock!” You squirted around his cock and Bakugou continued to fuck you through your orgasm and you cried out, and your upper body fell to the mattress. His hands grabbed at your waist as he pounded your pussy. His eyes rolled to the back of his head and bit his bottom lip as he threw his head back moaning out.

“Fuck! Ohh f-fuck, I’m gonna cum. You want my cum princess? Can I fill your pussy with my cum?” He asked while looking down at you. You had little tears poking at the ends of your eyes due to the mass amount of pleasure and Bakugou came at the sight. His thrust stopped as his hips met your ass in a final push, while his cum went deeper into your pussy, filling you to the brim. You both cried out as he finished and he kept himself in there for a little until you both caught your breath. He kissed up your spine to your cheek as he pulled out and layed down next to you.

As he pulled you closer to him he could hear your soft voice.

“A-amazing...Suki.” You said as you nuzzled into his neck. He only smiled as he realized you forgot.

“I hope so, cuz we’re not done teddy bear.” He said while smirking. Your eyes went wide as you looked at him in shock.

“Your punishment. Remember? I want you cumming on my cock a 100 times over. I don’t even want you to be able to walk for the next week.” He said while looking you right in his eyes. You took on his little challenge and straddled his waist before pumping his cock a few times and hovering over it. He watched the whole thing and licked his lips at you.

“Fine then Dynamight,” you said as his hands traveled to your hips. “Show me what you got,” you said as you slammed back down on him releasing cries from both you and him. This was gonna be a fun, long night.

—

After rounds 2, 3, 4, and 5, you both lie on your bed completely fucked out as you held onto each other. Bakugou was contempt as he held you under his chin and thought you were asleep. You were only resting your eyes with a soft smile on your face. Bakugou kissed the top of your head before softly speaking.

“I’m so sorry for everything I said teddy bear. You are the most amazing person in the world. I just don’t want you to be hurt. I wanna protect you for the rest of my life. I love you with my everything and I really want you to officially be mine. When you wake up, I’m gonna tell you all of this.” Bakugou sighed. Now it was your turn to speak.

“You don’t have to wait Suki,” you softly spoke as Bakugou looked down at you in shock. “I already heard it all, and I want to officially be yours too.” You said while looking right at him.

“Heh..I thought you passed out,” he teased.

“Well then I guess you’re not as good as you thought, Dynamight.” You teased back.

“You tryna say I didn’t fuck you good enough princess?! Cuz I still got enough for one more round that’ll be sure to shut your mouth real quick!” You only laughed at his little outburst.

“I’m good Suki. Trust me, you did more than enough.” You said.

“You’re damn right. And by the way you were screaming my name, I’m sure of it.” He proudly stated.

“Shut up,” you rolled your eyes and softly spoke. You both gently laughed at the teasing and embraced each other once more, but this time a little tighter.

After a few peaceful moments of silence, you heard him speak up.

“So..you’re being serious about really wanting to be mine..right?” Bakugou asked with worry laced in his voice.

“Of course I’m serious Suki. I don’t wanna be anybody else’s but yours.” You said in the cutest voice. Bakugou blushed at the confession.

“Ok then teddy bear. You’re mine now, and I’m never gonna let you go again.” He whispered. “I love you Y/N.”

“I love you too Suki.”

—

“WHERE WERE YOU?!?? A BANK WAS ROBBED, MULTIPLE PEOPLE WERE MUGGED, AND 2 VILLAIN BRAWLS BROKE OUT ON YOUR PATROL MAN!! ARE YOU GOOD?!?” Red riot screamed into the phone.

“Yeah, yeah I’m good. I’m great actually, a lot of good stuff happened on my patrol.” Bakugou said as he drank from his glass of water.

“Dude. Seriously?” The red head said in disbelief. What could possibly make up for all the crimes committed on his best friend’s watch?!

“Seriously. Gotta go, talk to you later shitty hair.” Katsuki said as he hung up the phone. As he finished cooking, he brought two plates of food to the couch for Y/N and himself. He had to carry Y/N there.

“What was all that about?” Y/N asked as she took a sip from her cup and turning away from the trashy reality show you both were watching.

“Just another reason why you’d make a better hero than me, teddy bear.” You awed at the compliment and cuddled into him. If only you knew how serious he was being.

Kirishima would know. For he was the one running around like a mad man trying to stop all the crimes committed due to his best friend being absent thanks to his horny desires.

A/N: YAYYY MY FIRST REQUEST! I really enjoyed writing this one and I’m sorry if it wasn’t exactly what you were looking for. I’m hope you enjoyed it tho! Feel free to drop more request for me to do!💗🧸

P.S. New series coming on the way!

#bakugou scenarios #bakugou oneshot #bakugou angst #bakugou katsuki x reader #bakugo x reader #bakugou katsuki #bakugou x reader #katsuki x reader #bakugo angst #bakugou smut #katsuki smut #mha bakugo katsuki #mha bakugou #mha angst #mha #my hero academia #bnha bakugo katsuki #bnha bakugou #bnha #bakugou imagine #bakugou blurb #bakugou x you #bakugou thirst

[thran-duils]

Was Ich Liebe (P.3, Final)

Title: Was Ich Liebe (Part Three, Final) Summary: Fem!Reader x Dark!Tony Stark.  Tony becomes enamored with a stripper at a club his hedonistic friend Thor owns. A casual sexual relationship quickly becomes possessive and the reader sees more of the underground mafia life than she would like to. The cherry on top is that Tony is married and so is she. Him to a woman who has no intention of losing her throne at any cost and the reader to a deadbeat alcoholic. Feeling trapped by both her previous life and the suffocating hold Tony is trying to put on her, the reader steals away in the night, which is not going to go over well. Words: 4,647 Warnings (for whole fic, more may be added): Dub-con, smut, infidelity, stripping, vaginal fingering, public sex, possessive behavior, angst, degradation kink, violence, physical abuse, domestic violence, language, drug use, alcoholism, death Warnings for this chapter: Mention of abortion! Author’s Note: As usual, this is 18+.

Part Two || Masterpost (mobile) || Fanfic masterpost

Tony was calling. He must have gone to the apartment and found you gone by now, especially since you had not been answering him via text or by phone. You sent him to voicemail letting your music start again. You had rented a car to drive away from the city.

The jewelry he had given you came in handy to get cash that you were using for gas and hopefully a down payment on an apartment somewhere. Stripping joints were abundant, and you were sure if you found a sizable city, you would find work without an issue. You were thinking about Milwaukee. It was far enough away from NYC and there was a college there too.

Your phone beeped with another voicemail from him. Signing, against your better judgment, you reached forward to press play, it coming over the car’s speakers.

He was pissed. Unsurprisingly. He had been tight on the last one he had left, wound up that you were not answering him. But this was a whole different level. He was practically shouting.

“This better be a goddamn joke, Y/N. My patience is already up with it though. Did you think I wouldn’t notice you had snuck out? Where the fuck is all the jewelry? Huh? Your clothes? If I find out you left and you’re cheating on me, I’m gonna kill them.”

You did not doubt him when he said that. And he confirmed he was at the apartment if he noticed your stuff was gone.

“And were you planning on telling me about the pregnancy?” Your eyes widened and then you swore remembering you had not emptied the trash in the bathroom. “Or were you just gonna keep that to yourself? Listen very carefully to me, if you do something drastic, I’m not gonna be nice about it. Not in the fucking slightest. You best believe that and take that to heart! Don’t be fucking stupid! Call. Me. Back.”

The voicemail ended.

Yes. The pregnancy. You were already thinking about which office you could go to. You had left a note for Thor about quitting and you wondered how quickly your health insurance was going to stay in place. Before after leaving a job, it had stayed on until the end of the month, but you were unsure, and you were not about to call him and ask. An appointment at a clinic though, that was something you needed to deal with quickly. You were sure there was a facility you could find when you got yourself established.

<><><>

“You’re a psychopath,” Carol said to Tony, smirking.

She was watching him put up security cameras around Y/N’s apartment, hidden from the normal eye with his technology. And when he had taken the lock apart on her door to install tech he could control himself from his cell, she had shook her head.

“I prefer creative,” Tony responded, as he tested it out. It worked perfectly. “Little bitch isn’t going to be leaving without trying extra hard.”

<><><>

You found a hotel in Columbus. You made sure to put a chair underneath the door handle on top of using both locks. It was scary to be traveling alone. And especially when you did not know the area.

The next morning, you woke up to another voicemail from Tony. You had reached over to silence it while you were sleeping, knowing damn well who would be calling you at 2:30am.

He sounded sloshed.

“Do you remember me telling you I was never going to let you go? Cause I said it multiple times. That hasn’t changed, Y/N. It’s been almost 24 hours since you answered to me!” Slip up there with that ‘to’ added in. “It’s really fucking frustrating, and you know goddamn well I don’t like being frustrated. It’s…you’re being disrespectful!” There was a slight pause and you heard him take a drink. He let out a humorless laugh. “You won’t run away from me. I’m going to find you.”

He hung up.

Hearing how mad he was, your stomach was twisting. He was not a man that liked to be thwarted or feel like he was being disrespected. Not to mention that he was a fucking mafia member. If he got his hands back on you, he was not going to be kind. And the time he told you he would never hurt you would be tested, you worried.

Why did you let yourself get so far involved with such a dangerous, jealous man? Again?

Forcing yourself to get up from the bed, you went to take a shower to try to relax in the hot water. Afterward, you walked across the street to the coffee shop. You wanted to get on the road again to put some more distance between you and NYC and ultimately between you and him.

<><><>

You drove around the edge of UW-Milwaukee, stealing glances at the campus. A city like this with a college surely had good clientele for the clubs.

Pulling over and parking, you opened your phone beginning to search for an apartment and a job. There had to be an abundance of apartments available around the college since it was summer and a class had just graduated.

<><><>

He kept calling and kept calling. He was not going to stop. It had been two weeks. You had been trying to convince yourself to answer him and tell him to leave you alone and that it was over. You thought about changing your number and you would, but after the conversation you needed to have.

Piqued, you answered, “Tony, I’m busy—"

“Oh, you’re busy? So busy you couldn’t fucking answer me? Over the last two weeks, you’ve been ‘busy’. Too busy for me? That’s hilarious! You should have your own fucking stand up show.” His tone was dripping with condescension.

Sighing, you said, “I’m getting ready for work! This needs to be quick.”

“Work?” Tony chuckled darkly. “Now you care about work? You fucked Thor over by quitting on the spot. How were you even able to get a reference?”

“I danced. That was reference enough.”

“Of course you did. Of course you’re stripping. Where are you?”

“I’m not going to tell you, Tony!”

“Y/N, baby,” he started, sounding like it was taking everything in him to keep his voice even. “If you just apologize and tell me where you are or just come back, I’ll be able to let this go easier. You can come back to me, and it’ll all be okay.”

You mustered out a strong, “No! I am not going to do that.”

His leash was back off. “Why are we playing this stupid game, Y/N? I can handle you being bratty — cause I love fucking it out of you — but this is really pushing me over the edge!”

“I’m not being a brat! You were suffocating me!”

“Suffocating you? I worship you!” He was so easily able to confuse his possession with love. He continued on irritated, “I shower you with gifts! I make sure you’re well taken care of! I’ve treated you better than anyone else has! And you’re coming at me like this? What is your fucking problem, Y/N? What? Is being on the phone instead of in person giving you some fake confidence? Don’t think I’m not keeping track of this ungrateful bullshit just because you’re not standing in front of me!”

He was quickly losing his temper. You had never made him this mad, had never pushed back.

You were shaking as you tried to stand up for yourself, “I’m not the one with a problem! I didn’t force you to move anywhere or—"

Tony interrupted you furiously. “Do you understand how much that apartment cost? How much that car cost? You barely drove it!”

Frustrated he was steam rolling you as usual. you said fighting to keep tears back, “Sell it then!”

“If that was supposed to be a joke, it was an awful one. This shit isn’t fucking funny, Y/N! When I find out where you are, I’m gonna drag you back by your goddamn hair!”

“Good luck!” you spat, it slipping out before you really thought about it. Your eyes widened at what you had just done, and you quickly hung up as he started to snarl something back.

He was immediately calling you back and you sent him to voicemail again.

<><><>

Tony let out an aggravated shout, throwing his phone down on the desk when she did not answer him back.

Good luck was right.

She had stayed on the line long enough to give him time to trace her down to the general area. Milwaukee. Near the university. He would find her, and he was gonna find her quick with getting eyes on the ground to spot her leaving her place wherever that was in the area. And she was not going to like it when he came knocking to collect her.

<><><>

The bag from the closest grocery store was heavy with groceries for the week. You had returned the rental car when you signed your lease, able to use the bus system until you bought your own car.

You noticed there was a man watching you across the street and you slowed in your pace, narrowing your eyes. He did not look away and you swallowed sharply before resuming your pace. You felt like you could still feel his eyes on the back of your head. You had felt like there had been eyes on you earlier this morning too. A foreboding feeling was creeping; you wanted to get inside and quick.

Entering your apartment, you kicked the door closed and struggled to lock it immediately. The bag crunched as you walked over to the kitchen and placed it on the counter.

You put the few groceries away and walked around the counter, tearing your shirt off and tossing it on the back of one of your chairs. It was hot since you were on the third floor and you had not been able to buy an air conditioner yet.

“This place is a shithole.”

You screamed, startled at the voice, whipping around, your eyes searching wildly.

Tony was sitting in the end of your bed in your room.

He had surprisingly not called you for the last few days, not after the conversation the two of you had. Not hearing from him had set you on edge just as much as him calling you did. You knew he was not going to give up easily and the silence was a trap if you fell into it thinking that it was done.

Your eyes flicked to the door, and he chastised you in low, dangerous tones, “Y/N, you’re already in enough trouble. Don’t make this worse for yourself. Carols outside. So is Rhodey. And a handful of other people I brought along in case you were gonna cause more trouble.”

The man outside. So, you had been being watched.

Tony stood up from the bed and came out of the bedroom, and up to you. You took a few steps back and he tsked you. You stopped immediately, knowing what he wanted. He closed the rest of the space and raked his eyes up and down you.

“Why did you have to go and cause trouble in the first place? You think I was suffocating you? That’ll seem like a cakewalk compared to when you come back with me. See, we’ve lost trust. I can’t have you running around when you know as much as you do. And you running off looks like you were going to squeal.” You opened your mouth to protest but he rose his voice, shutting you up. “And I can’t have that. Not when I have other people to answer to on the team. I will not be the weak link in the chain, which means you are not going to be running off in the middle of the night. Even if it’s not what you planned to do, it looks bad.”

His hands came to rest on your biceps, squeezing in tight, causing you to flinch slightly. His eyes were hard. “You could have had the world and you threw it away.” His thumbs caressed, his tongue slipping between his lips. “But I can be a forgiving man if you make me believe that you’re sorry. Just do that for me, beg for forgiveness, and I’ll take care of you and that baby.”

You gulped at the mention of the baby, and he noticed. His eyes narrowed. He leaned in, searching your face and you looked away, but he forced you to look back at him, his hand holding your jaw tight.

“Y/N, baby… you got something to tell me?”

You were silent, your heart starting to hammer.

“Y/N, you know I don’t like repeating myself.”

His grip tightened and you felt tears pricking, apprehensive of how he was going to react.

Your voice warbled, “I…I had an abortion.”

Tony was frozen, his eyes wide and incendiary. His grip on your jaw loosened and you took a step back away from him. His jaw clicked, eyes not leaving you. You saw he was going to explode.

Raising your hand shakily, as if that was going to hold him off, you started, “Now, Tony—"

His backhand sent you stumbling. He caught you before you could do it yourself and slammed you up against the wall.

“You’re lucky I didn’t cold clock you!” He snarled, his fingers digging in painfully to your arms.

“Tony, don’t—”

“Don’t? Don’t what? Be fucking furious that I told you not to do anything drastic and then you went and did just that? Without even consulting me? I have a goddamn right to be furious! How fucking dare you!”

You were sniffling now, terrified.

He gave you a rough shake before demanding, “What’s the lease on this place?” You took too long to answer. “Answer me!”

“Month to month,” you whimpered.

“Smart. Makes this easier.” His nose was practically brushing yours. “Look, you’re gonna be good and listen to me about exactly what is going to happen—"

“You can’t—"

“Did I tell you that you could talk? No! I told you you were going to listen. Keep your fucking mouth shut!” Tony lashed out. You closed your mouth, your lip warbling. “You’re coming with me. And I haven’t decided yet if I want them all to listen to you beg for forgiveness on the plane or if I’m waiting until we are alone. Not doing it here. Don’t wanna alarm your neighbors and have to injure any of them if they try to interfere. I don’t want, nor need that type of mess.”

He shoved you as he let you go, and you wiped at your eyes.

“I can’t fucking believe you. Can’t even follow simple goddamn directions. What are you? A child?” he snorted angrily. He snapped his fingers at you and pointed at your room. “Get your shit. We are leaving and going home. The jets at the airport.”

<><><>

He had not punished you on the plane. You instead had sat, curled in as tightly as you could to yourself in the chair across from him under a blanket, looking out the window as much as possible. You felt him watching you intensely the whole two hours. You could only imagine the deranged ideas going through his head about what he was going to do to you when he got you alone.

The moment you stepped into your apartment, he ordered you, “Get yourself done up. I want you to look nice for me. I’ll be out here watching the game.”

His goons brought in your suitcases and put them next to the kitchen table before leaving at his order. Tony grabbed the remote and turned the TV on. He saw you were still standing there, and he glared.

“Y/N…” he said dangerously. “I don’t see you moving.”

You grabbed your suitcase with your clothes and trudged down the hall, feeling his hard stare at your back until you disappeared into the bedroom. You had left a lot of your clothes here but there was a dress you had brought with you, one that he liked specifically. Which shocked you a little bit because it was loose and free; still short though.

Taking the time to shower, blow dry, do your makeup, and dress, you felt the anxiety rising about what he was going to do. You thought the extra time would calm you down, but it was doing the opposite because it was giving you more time to think.

When you walked back down the hall, your black wedges announcing your arrival, Tony looked over the back of the couch. You saw the bottle on the coffee table. He had been drinking, not a surprise. He gestured you over and you walked around the couch, coming over to him. He ran his eyes up and down you, taking you in.

“Well, don’t you look just perfect?” he asked, an edge underlying his tone.

He stood up from the couch and you stayed still. He pulled his phone out and took a picture of you without giving you time to prepare. He turned his phone around and you looked dumbstruck in the photo.

But he complimented, “Look at that. Pristine. That’s what good girls look like.” A cruel smile flashed across his features, and he tossed his phone down on the couch. “But you’re not a good girl are you, baby?”

You only had a moment to react before he was forcing you down to your knees. You hissed in pain as your knees slammed against the hardwood.

“You brought this on yourself. You think I like punishing you?” Tony asked, working on his belt with one hand as the other held you by the back of the neck. Your hands came up to grip his thighs, pressing back against the hold he had on your neck. “Ah ah, stay where you are.” He stroked himself with purpose, his hand moving at a steady pace. “Look at you. A pretty little slut that needs to be taught a lesson.”

He was hard now, the head of his cock pressing against your lips.

“Open your damn mouth!” You clenched your teeth, knowing he was gonna be rough and not wanting to choke. He let go of you to slap your cheek and sneered, “Don’t make me ask you again!”

You opened your mouth reluctantly, and he grabbed you by the back of your neck again and shoved his dick in all the way, your nose brushing his pubes. You gagged before he pulled back out, running his head around your lips. He groaned at the sight, slipping back in and using your mouth.

“Tell me you love me!”

“I love you!” you got out around his width.

“Look at me!” You forced your gaze up to meet his and he thrusted faster, hitting the back of your throat. Your hands gripped tight onto his thighs, eyes begging for him to slow down. But he was not relenting, and your throat was aching. Another groan left his lips as he demanded, “Tell me you love me, you little bitch.”

It was hard to say it, you choking now, tears stinging your eyes. “I love you!”

He pulled away roughly, his hand wrapped around your hair tightly, keeping you in place. Your saliva was stringing messily between him and your lips. Your chin as well as his pubes were glistening with your drool. You gasped for air, thankful for the reprieve from your jaw aching from being open so wide.

The reprieve was short lived though and you cried out in pain as he began walking, dragging you by your hair.

“Forgive me that I don’t quite believe you. But I’m gonna make sure I do believe you. I’m gonna get a genuine one out of you before I’m through.”

Tony sat on the edge of the bed and held you tight. “Give me a show. Take that dress off and let me see you. Let me see what I’m going to take.”

Shakily, you stood up as his grip laxed and he was watching you like a hawk. You wiped at your lips, knowing there was little to do about your eye makeup since he had made tears come with how hard he had been choking you. You started to sway your hips, trying to find a rhythm amongst the excitement. You turned away from him so he could not see your face as you struggled to calm down enough to dance.

It was sloppy, unconfident. But that did not seem to bother him. He pulled you into his lip and his hands slipped up your dress and into your underwear.

“Don’t get to tell me now that I can’t touch,” he husked against your cheek, his fingers slipping into your pussy. “All mine.”

He was stroking you, getting you worked up, making you lose focus on grinding. You bit your bottom lip, a strangled moan escaping.

Tony chuckled, nuzzling your cheek. “I know you like that. Gonna get you good and wet for me, sweetheart. Spread your legs further.”

You were falling so easily into his touch, your core wanting more. You were getting wound up and he was loving it. He worked quicker, his breath heavy as he felt how aroused you were, wetting his fingers.

“Maybe you are a good girl. Look how well you are behaving for me. Is this you apologizing?” He pulled away just to lay a hard smack on your cunt. You bucked, crying out and he did it again. You whimpered as his fingers entered again, focusing on your bud. “You’re a needy little slut, aren’t you baby?” You nodded and he sucked at your neck. “You’re repenting so well… but you’ve got a long way to fucking go.”

You were so close, but he suddenly shoved you away roughly, causing you to stumble in your heels.

“Strip.”

You did as he asked, pulling the dress up and tossing it behind you, leaving you in just your underwear. He rose his brows expectantly and you turned around, bending over slowly. You pulled your underwear down, feeling how wet they were at the crotch. You heard him hum at the sight of them and your glistening pussy. They fell to your ankles, and you turned around, kicking them off.

Tony stood up and pointed at the bed. “On your stomach.” You did as he asked and heard him getting undressed. You peeked over your shoulder at him undoing his tie as he walked towards your closet. He emerged again with a scarf, his eyes fixated on you. “Did I tell you you could look at me?” You turned back around quickly, butterflies swarming.

He grabbed one of your ankles and yanked you down the bed. You felt his tie around your ankle, and you tensed as he tied you to the bed frame. He was at your opposite ankle and tied your other leg with your scarf tightly.

“Tony…” you said hoarsely.

He did not answer you and you laid there, spread wide. The bed creaked with his weight and his thick thighs straddled you, holding you even tighter in place. You felt him pressing in and your fingers dug into your quilt. Each inch filled you up more and he exhaled as he reached his base.

“That’s the gentlest thrust you’re going to get, sweetheart. Enjoy it.”

Tony was not lying; he was pounding you into the mattress and you were not being quiet about the intrusion. You were already so wet, and he was adding to the sensation the way he was working you.

“You’re gonna remember who you loves you the most,” he groaned. The bed was shaking with how hard he was driving into you. “You’re gonna remember to behave!”

Pulling out of you, he smacked you hard against your ass. “Get up on your knees. Now!”

You obeyed, maneuvering with the restraints and his fingers replaced his dick, rubbing your clit. You keened, your back arching at the intense contact. You were ashamed that as usual you fell to the arousal, letting him take you over completely even when he was being as mean as he was.

“Fuck, you little whore. Look at you. So needy for cock. Why did you leave me in the first place? You were never going to find anyone that would love you like I do. You hurt my feelings, baby. And I don’t like having my feelings hurt.”

“I’m sorry,” you gasped without any prompting.

Tony’s fingers fell from your sex, and he was up, holding you by the throat. His breath was hot on your ear. “I might just leave you here on the bed right now. Tie those delicate wrists up too. Keep you on display for me. I’ll just walk by and see you stuck here, just dependent on me to come back to release you.”

You shook your head, begging pathetically, “No, p-please.”

“You want me to finish?”

“Yes!”

“Do you deserve it? Cause I don’t think you fucking do.”

You shook your head, “No. I don’t. But, please!” He brushed your pussy lightly with his fingers, teasing and you broke down even further. “I love you! I love you! Please!”

“You’re not gonna leave me again.” It was a statement, not a question.

You shook your head furiously again, gasping, “No! No, I won’t leave you!”

He yanked you up painfully by your hair again and new tears stung your eyes.

“I’m gonna make fucking sure of it. You’re gonna be on house arrest until I see fit to let you out! Face down,” Tony snarled, pushing you roughly down by the shoulders. He was behind you again. “You’re gonna be full of my seed when I’m done.”

Your chest hit the bed as the room filled with skin slapping skin loudly as he ravaged you. It did not take long for your body to tense up and a shriek left you as your pussy clenched around him. Tony’s breath was erratic as his pace lost control, his fingers digging into your hips. Broken husks were falling from his mouth, you could not make it out over the buzz in your ears. You felt the warmth though when he filled you up, his cock buried deep. He was making sure it was up against your cervix. His groan was long and loud, his hands squeezing your ass tight.

When he pulled away, you laid out flat, feeling worn. You heard him leave the room, the hardwood in the hall creaking with his footfalls. Your body was covered in sweat, heavy pants leaving your lips. For a moment, you forgot you were tied and tried to adjust and let out a sigh of disappointment when you felt the tug of the restraint on your ankle.

Tony was back with his phone. He cooed, “Oh, sweetheart. You’re so tired. Look up at me.” You lifted your head and saw him snap a picture of you. His lips curled into a smirk at the photo, and he turned it around to show you. Your makeup was ruined, tear trails on your cheeks, mascara and eyeliner smudged. You looked like a mess.

“Look at this lovely sight,” he purred. He flipped to the last photo of you looking made up and then back again. “Look how dirty you got pleasing me compared to before. I’m going to keep these.” A malicious glint flashed in his eyes, and he said, “I’ll give you a few to recover. But baby, there’s gonna be round two and no, I’m not going to let you clean up. Let’s see how much dirtier I can get you.”

~~~

Marvel tags: @coconutqueen21 @undecidedsworld @holl2712 @agustdowney  @biiskuitx @buttercupfangirl

Fic tags: @buttercandy16

#tony stark x reader #dark tony stark #dark!tony stark #dark marvel #my shit

[one80seven]

Just a Coincidence

pairing: spencer reid x female reader

category: pure fluff

summary: friends to lovers, but with a soulmate au twist!

warnings: 10 year age gap (reader is 27 and spence is 37), emily swears like once

a/n: i’ll probably end up deleting this because it’s my first on here and i’m terrified, but if anyone likes it... part 2? also feel free to leave ideas/requests in my inbox, i’m always needing something to write about!

a/n 2: woah thank you everyone for the love on this <3 i was absolutely NOT expecting for it to get even the slightest bit of attention on this! a part two is maybe coming? still unsure but i certainly have ideas!

also, not my gif!

When your mother told you that your soulmate’s initials would appear on your left wrist at exactly 7:30am on your twenty-seventh birthday, you’d thought she had gone insane. But here you were, in the elevator heading up to the BAU, your fingers dancing over the small magenta letters. SR.

Of course, you briefly wondered if your supposed soulmate was the resident genius, Spencer Reid. He also happened to be your best friend, and because of that, you willed away any thoughts of it being him and forced yourself to believe that it was nothing but an odd coincidence. Besides, Spencer was ten years older than you, and although you’d never seen the initials on his wrist, you doubted they were yours. They couldn’t be.

The elevator’s ding drew you out of your thoughts and you quickly tugged your sleeve down, hiding what you knew everyone was going to ask you about. Maybe you’d just tell them that you didn’t have a soulmate after all, or maybe tell them that they were DM or EP just to mess with them. Whatever the case, there was absolutely no way you were going to let them know the true letters.

However, your plan met it’s end the minute a certain bubbly technical analyst was dragging you down the hall. You nearly tripped because of the force, awkwardly smiling at a few agents who passed by you on your way to her cave.

“Penelope, what-“

She shushed you, pulling you into the small office and shutting the door behind the two of you. Before you could stop her, she had a vice-like grip on your arm, pushing your sleeve up.

“S-R?” she mumbled, eyebrows knitted together as she undoubtedly went through a roll index in her mind. Suddenly, her eyes opened wide and she looked up at you with nothing short of a mischievous smile. “My oh my, it must be Boy Wonder!”

“What must be me?”

You felt your soul leave your body at the sound of his voice, tugging your arm away from her. You stared daggers at her, convincing her to not say a word about her discovery as the doctor looked at you with a puzzled expression.

“Nothing, Spence,” you smiled. He narrowed his eyes, clearly not buying it.

“Okay...well, uh...” he cleared his throat, “Happy birthday, Girl Genius.”

You smiled at the nickname, something he called you often. Morgan was the root of it, joking about how you were just the younger, female version of Spencer. The whole team, and eventually Spencer, had adopted it as well. It also led to Penelope drawing a short comic, appropriately titled Boy and Girl Genius, which earned a nice little spot on your fridge.

“Thank you, Spence.”

You lightly pushed past him, groaning at the very long day ahead of you.

-

“C’mon, you gotta tell me!” Emily begged for the hundredth time that day, this time sitting on your desk, directly on top of the paperwork you needed to get done.

“Em, I don’t have any initials.”

“That’s bullshit. Show me, then!” she exclaimed, drawing the attention of the exact person you didn’t want to know about them. Spencer.

“What’s going on?” he questioned, slight concern laced in his voice as he moved from his desk to stand by your own. Before you could lie to him, Emily made a move for your arm, turning your wrist over.

“Liar! They’re...” she trailed off, a small smile on her face. You watched in horror as Spencer peered over as well, mouth falling open ever so slightly at what he saw. Emily’s eyes darted between the two of you, trying to hide the hopeful grin on her face in fear you’d slap it off of her.

“It’s just a coincidence!” you exclaimed. The two of them stared at you, their gaze feeling like it was going to set you on fire right then and there.

“This is a lovely conversation, guys, but I just remembered that Garcia mentioned getting lunch. Bye!” You made a beeline for Penelope’s office, ignoring Emily’s desperate calls to you.

“Oh sweets, what happened?” Penelope worriedly asked as you hurried into her office, falling into the chair next to her.

“Spencer saw them...so did Emily.” you told her, exasperated and tired. You ignored the small smile that played on her lips.

“Well, I have just the cure!” She spun her chair, digging around in her bag before pulling out a tin. You opened the tin, the smell of chocolate chip cookies filling your senses, drawing a deep sigh from you.

“Made especially for you, birthday girl.”

You thanked her, munching away on cookies as you watched her type away at lightning speed. Your heart was still trying to beat out of your chest and a lump had formed in your throat, but you found temporary solace in the cookies. That was until three soft knocks on the door drew your attention from her screens, and instead onto a certain doe-eyed doctor.

“Hiya, Boy Wonder. To what do I owe this pleasure?” Penelope greeted him, stifling a giggle at the way your cheeks flushed.

“I need to steal birthday girl here, if you don’t mind.”

“She’s all yours!” she chirped, turning back to her screens with what you considered to be a just plain evil glint in her eyes. Spencer gestured for you to follow him into the hallway. You sighed as you departed with your beloved cookies.

The two of you walked down the hallway a bit before he halted, turning to you and leaning against the wall. You kept your eyes glued to the ground, afraid that if you looked at him for even a second, you’d burst.

“I wasn’t going to do this until later, but,” he paused, tugging up his sleeve and watch. “Look.”

You glanced up at him, following his eyes to his wrist. You squinted at the letters, eyes going wide with the realization of what they were. Your initials. Magenta and small, just like his on your own wrist. You carefully grabbed his arm, thumbs swiping over the mark, wondering if they’d rub off and that this was some sick joke. However, they didn’t. He let out a breathy laugh, knowing what you were trying to do.

“You sure this isn’t a tattoo?” you asked him, half joking, half not.

“Nope, it appeared about ten years ago. I didn’t think it was you until earlier...but I’m glad it is.”

You tried to hide the large grin on your face, your cheeks growing pinker by the second. Every attempt to believe that you were just dreaming or that this was just a really weird coincidence failed when he leaned down, capturing your lips in his. Your heart soared and your head went a bit fuzzy, but you didn’t care. It didn’t last long, much to your dismay, but potential lectures about fraternization didn’t exactly sound fun.

“So, can I take you out to dinner sometime then, Girl Genius? Perhaps tonight?” he asked you, grinning down at you with a smile that made your knees weak.

“Of course, Boy Genius.”

-

#criminal minds #spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer x reader #spencer x fem!reader #spencer reid fluff #spencer read fic #spencer reid one shot #reid fluff #reid x reader #reid x fem!reader #spencer reid fanfiction #reid fanfiction #criminal minds fanfiction #cm

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

ok i know that i keep going on and on and on about this….. but like…. where the FUCK are functional belts for smaller women even stocked now??? in this past week, i spent $25 on 3 belts from a womens clothes shop here in aus (Ally) that were all marked as “one size” which for idek what the fuck that means for womens clothing most of the time tbh. but like….. for the length along the belt that i need to wear my belts right now after losing so much weight after that big surgery i had in 2020….. one of the new “one size” belts that just came the other day literally wraps around my waist literally ALMOST TWICE FULLY. as if you’re not meant to wear is as an actual functional belt to hold up your pants, but instead you’re meant wear it solely as an accessory all loose and shit to look “laid back” or whatever.

like no. i want and NEED belts that ACTUALLY FIT my like 60cm-75cm waist thank you very much. not all this “one size fits all” bullshit or only stocking small/medium belts bullshit either. all as if the bs that womens fashion brands love touting that they’re “all inclusive” because they’re finally developing “curve”/“curvy” lines for bigger women (which don’t get me wrong, i love that!) or more “average sized” women- meaning size 10 and up or something…. but instead they’ve just totally dumped out the smaller women from sizes 6-8 as if all clothes fit them perfectly all the time.

like bro. i’m buying belts for my fucking work pants!!!!!! i can’t go to work with a belt that wraps around my fucking waist fucking twice at the tightness level that i need to wear it at to hitch my pants!!! what the fuck is this??? i can’t just walk into target or kmart or shops like ally and other womens fashion brands that are well known for catering to skinny women (since literally over the last two years Ally, for example, finally recognised that they needed a seperate shop and brand for plus size- which i’ll admit is pretty embarrassing but still) but now smaller women apparently aren’t supposed to want or need functional clothing accessories???? like why is womens clothes shopping just a fucking nightmare all the time???!!! bc there’s literally only a few shops (portmans, sportsgirl and very occasionally cotton on) that stock extra small (x-small)/small (s) belts. why the fuck do i have to go to 2 main select shops and then hope to god that the other place will have at least ONE functional belt in my size????

and what i mean by functional belt is that its one that’s easy to get through the belt loops on your pants- nothing that’s fucking stupidly oversized to be decorative (ie the classic mid2000s chunky oversized belts) or stupid fucking clasps or buckles that take like 5 minutes put through belt loops on pants just bc they’re a themed buckle like “biker” or “western” or “double O ring”. just something fucking simple and easy to put through my pants when i’m rushing to get ready for work in the morning please!!! something unassuming and small and practical!!!! but apparently thin women don’t want that. oh no. we apparently want the western style belts or the double o ring belts. well i don’t!!! i want something that’s practical and is less of an accessory but it has the form and function of a typical/normal belt for being able to just hitch my pants up and stop them falling down!!! not some stupid as fuck huge accessory talk piece or awkward fucking clasp, that i don’t have patience and time to deal with at 6:30am in the morning getting dressed for work or let alone at work in the bathroom or whatever.

just. let women of all sizes have belts that actually function PROPERLY and aren’t all about being a stupid talking piece for an outfit or some weird stupid thing of “always meant to be worn loose and that’s why it’s one size fits all!” or some dumb ass womens clothing bullshit. and also try and standardise womens clothing sizes!!! it’s so fucking confusing lmao.

and if you want to know how far down in length that i have to wear the “one size” or even just a small/medium belt down to make it tight enough for my waist…. it’s literally a whole 17 inches or about an entire 30cm+ ruler’s worth of belt length!!!! which is why they wrap roughly almost twice around my waist!!! fuck off and make belts that are made for small waists today!!!

#life #about me #shut up ilona #ilona whines about her shitty life to her followers lol #ilona whines aboht mundane shit

[anogete]

Watch me vomit up my thoughts

It’s been a while, hasn’t it?  I’m sorry I’ve disappeared on everyone.  It’s been... a year.  I think that probably goes for everyone, not just me.  If you’re interested in a personal life update, then read on.  If you’re looking for an update on my writing then I regret to inform you that I haven’t written a single thing this year.  Maybe next year, though.  There is always next year, right?  I think I saw a blurb that we’re getting Sam and Bucky back in March.  And Loki shortly after.  Maybe that will be my inspiration.

I’m fortunate enough to have a job that lets me comfortably work from home.  I’m also fortunate enough to own a home.  And my last blessing is that I don’t have kids, so I didn’t have to figure out the nightmare of childcare and home schooling like some of you.  My library on the second floor of the house has been my office since mid-March.  I’ve been transitioning into the Associate Financial Advisor roll this year and that has been going well.  I’m supporting the clients I’ve worked with as an assistant for the past nine years, so it’s been easy-going.  I’m able to order my groceries for pick up to avoid going in the stores and I live in an neighborhood where it is easy to get delivery from restaurants.  I’m incredibly lucky to have all these things going for me and I am thankful every damn day.

I fell into a bit of a funk this spring and early summer, but managed to pull myself out of it in August.  I started planning my meals, walking 2-5 miles every day, and exercising on the Peloton bike I bought a year ago.  I also started reading again and zipped through almost 50 books between June and now.  By November, I was feeling strong and healthy.  I felt like I had found a balance between work and activity and self-care.  I was still coming to terms with my grandma passing in March of last year and with Ferguson (my sweet doggo) passing in September of last year.  But I was trying and things were getting better.  I felt like I had my feet underneath me.

Lemme stop you here if you don’t want to read about death and some general medical stuff.  Because that’s mostly what you’re getting from here on out.

On November 21st, my mom texted me at 5:30am.  I got it right away because I usually wake up around that time, alarm or not.  She said she had dropped my dad off at the hospital because he was having difficulty breathing.  Apparently, he’d been feeling bad for a week, but insisted to everyone that it was just his sinuses draining.  I called her and began questioning her like I was cross-examining a star witness.  I was able to piece together a really fucking shitty story.

My dad always went to a friend’s house on Friday evenings to have a couple beers and hang out.  We’d all warned him since March that he needed to stop, but he insisted it was fine.  He bought into a lot of the cavalier attitude that the Trump fans have over this virus. Plus, he was 64-years-old and didn’t take any medication so he probably thought it was no big deal.  He spent a few hours at his friend’s house on November 6th.  Unbeknownst to anyone at the time, he received a call from that friend on November 11th that the friend and the friend’s wife had tested positive for COVID.  He didn’t share this info with my mother, my brothers, or my uncle, all of whom had been near him.  By November 15th, he was coughing but insisted it was drainage when my mom suggested he take something for it and go to the doctor.  By November 18th, he was worse and admitted to my mom that his friend had tested positive but that he hadn’t seen him for almost two weeks so his problems were just sinus-related and not COVID.  My mom hates confrontation, so she accepted this and didn’t tell anyone, including me and my brothers.  By November 19th, he had a fever and was having trouble breathing along with a persistent cough.  He finally agreed to take some cold medicine, but refused to call his doctor’s office despite my mom asking him many, many times.  At 4:30am on November 21st, he woke my mom and asked her to take him to the hospital because he couldn’t breathe well.  She dropped him off and returned home to text me since they wouldn’t allow her in the building.  She also texted my brothers, who admitted that they felt like they’d had a cold for several days.  I live 4 hours away and haven’t traveled since March, so I hadn’t seen any of them.

A nurse called my mom a couple hours after she dropped my dad off to tell her that he was positive for COVID and pneumonia and they were admitting him to put him on a bipap.  From what I understand, that’s the oxygen mask that pushes air into your lungs.  Later that day, the health department called my mom and told her to quarantine for two weeks.  My mom cooperated and gave them my brothers’ phone number (they live together), my uncle’s phone number, and the name and number of the person we suspected my dad was infected by (his friend).  My brothers opted to get tested and were positive.  They quarantined for two weeks and had mild to moderate symptoms (brief fever, very tired, cough, drainage).  My mom had virtually no symptoms with the exception of some drainage that she took Mucinex for.  She didn’t get tested, but she lived and slept in the same bed with my dad for a week while he was symptomatic.  If my brothers got it from 30 minutes in the same room as him, surely she got it as well.  My uncle and his son got tested, but they were negative.

My dad was cooperative with the doctor and nurses at first, but as the first day wore on he became irritated.  He’d been without his chewing tobacco (yes, I know: eww) for several hours and was going through nicotine withdrawal, but wouldn’t admit that to the nurses or doctor.  The next day he was put in ICU, still on the bipap, and even more unruly and rude to the staff taking care of him.  They called my mom to ask her to talk to him and convince him to cooperate.  They said if he couldn’t recover on the bipap and required a ventilator then “things would be very bad.”  My mom tried to talk to him by text and he just continued to insist that he was well enough to come home.

I used to be close to my dad when I was a kid, but we’d grown apart over my adulthood.  Over the past 20 years, my dad morphed into someone different.  Everyone around him, especially my grandmother, told me they saw this happen the same as I did.  The result was that my dad became someone I didn’t like and didn’t want to spend time with.  He also didn’t seem to know how to talk to me anymore.  To be fair, I didn’t give him much help in that regard.  I texted him to see how he was doing and the conversation quickly devolved into him complaining about the care and insisting he was well enough to come home.  I tried to reason with him and appeal to his love for my mom by saying that my fear was him coming home and giving her the virus.  He told me that he’d decided he was no longer contagious and this was just a bunch of bullshit.  This conversation via text continued through Monday and Tuesday (November 23rd and 24th), but it took a turn for the delusional.  The doctor can only assume that the virus and the lack of oxygen had resulted in hallucinations and delusions.  My dad told my mother and I that he was in an office building owned by a man named Mr. Pritt.  He said he was the only patient and that this man was having his workers experiment on him and that they would eventually kill him.  He demanded that we come get him immediately so he could recover at home.  When we told him he’d die if he came home because he was too sick, he insisted he wasn’t sick at all and became very angry with us.  He accused both my mom and I of conspiring to kill him because we wouldn’t help him.  One day he told me that I’d confirmed what he’d known all along.  I asked him what that was and he said, “That I always loved you more than you loved me.”  This really hurt because even though I knew he was loopy, I also knew that he’d probably actually had that though before.

He began refusing treatment on those days and wouldn’t accept the steroids they were trying to give him and raised hell when they tried to take him for a chest x-ray.  He also told them he didn’t want to be placed on a ventilator even though he had agreed to one when he was admitted.  He was texting all of his friends and telling them he needed a ride home.  He attempted to get up and leave the hospital twice, falling in the floor both times because he was so weak from lack of oxygen once he took the mask off.  He also told my mom and I that he was secretly removing the mask when the nurses couldn’t see to prove to them that he wasn’t sick.  He was taking and sending blurry pictures to us of the room as “evidence.”  He told my mom to forward the pictures to “the feds.”  The pictures were of his hospital bed, the whiteboard with his nurses’ and doctor’s names on it, his IVs, etc.  By the morning of Wednesday, the 25th, I was getting some off-the-wall texts from him.  He was begging us to come check him out of the hospital at that point and we were trying to play along and tell him we were getting everything in order for him to come home soon.  Eventually, he told me that he wasn’t getting out of there alive and that he loved me.  I told him I loved him too and begged him to do whatever the doctor said because the doctor wanted to help him get better.

A few minutes later, the nurse called my mom and asked if she’d been on the phone with my dad.  My mom said she and I hadn’t spoken to him by any way other than text since he arrived at the hospital.  The nurse said he had been on the phone with a woman, trying to convince her to come get him.  The nurse made him put the call on speaker so she could tell the woman that he wasn’t well enough to leave.  Because she was concerned that her message didn’t get through before my dad hung up, she called my mom to make sure he hadn’t convinced my mom to check him out against medical advice.  My mom assured her that we had no intention of breaking him out of the hospital, but she didn’t know who the woman was.  It wasn’t her or me.  We called a long-time former co-worker of my dad’s that I’ve known since I was a kid and she said she hadn’t talked to him.  We called his best friend and asked if he’d called and spoken to the man’s wife.  Not her either.  More on this later.  I’m sure you know where it’s going.

We were stumped, but didn’t have time to deal with it because the nurse practitioner called and told my mom that my dad was delusional and could no longer make his own decisions.  They said he had no chance of survival if they didn’t put him on a ventilator immediately.  My mom called me.  I told her to agree to it.  The nurse called her back and gave the phone to my dad.  He had agreed to the ventilator as well and wanted to tell my mom that he loved her and me and my brothers and his dog.  His speech was slurred and muffled from the bipap mask, but she at least heard that.  They intubated him right after the call.  He was on a paralytic for a week.  When they backed off on the paralytic, they had to increase his oxygen.  A week later, the nurse tried to kindly tell us that he wasn’t getting better and his chances of survival were low.  She suggested we start to talk about turning off the ventilator and letting him go.  We did talk about that, which was very upsetting for everyone, but the doctor said he’d been on the ventilator for two weeks and we’d give him one more week to see what happens.  By this point, he no longer had pneumonia. But the damage COVID did to his lungs couldn’t be repaired.

The ventilator was on full blast (highest pressure, highest oxygen) just to keep him somewhat stable.  The days were ticking by and he still wasn’t making progress.  Any step forward was followed by a bigger step back. My mom would call and get the update from the nurse most days, but I did call myself a few days.  When I’d call and talk to the nurse, I’d get a grim picture that my mom didn’t seem to get or understand. I talked to her on December 12th and asked her if she was trying to protect my brothers and I or if she really thought he was going to get better.  She admitted that she’d had a feeling for days that he wasn’t going to get better.  We decided to just wait for the doctor to call.  The nurse called my mom on Monday, December 14th and told her that my dad’s blood pressure was all over the place and they were struggling to keep him stable, that the ventilator was turned up to the highest settings and it was barely enough to keep him going.  My mom texted me and told me she asked them to call me.  The doctor called me within about 20 minutes and basically told me that my dad wasn’t going to make it.  They’d had him on a ventilator for 19 days and within a couple days his throat tissue would likely become necrotic from the pressure of the cuff keeping the tube in place.  They could only continue the ventilator if they could put in a trach and he wasn’t stable enough for that.  In addition, he needed more support than the ventilator could provide.  I was told he was either going to go into cardiac arrest while on the ventilator and die or they’d be forced to take him off the ventilator because of the damage to his throat.  The most damning thing he told me was that he’d removed the sedation but my dad didn’t wake.  He wasn’t responsive, wouldn’t squeeze their hands, wouldn’t flinch when they tested his reflexes, nothing.

I was told we could come sit with him and say goodbye when the ventilator was removed.  I asked when and the doctor said soon.  I live 4 hours from my parents, so I told him I’d leave right away and have my mom call to make arrangements for me to come to the hospital.  I called my mom and told her all this and asked her to let the hospital know.  I packed a bag and rushed out the door.  On my way out of town, the doctor called me back and asked if I was on my way.  My mom had told them that we’d come by the next morning and he was worried my dad wouldn’t make it through the night.  So, I had to have a shitty conversation with my mom about how we couldn’t schedule my dad’s death for 7am on Tuesday, that it needed to happen at 8pm on Monday.  I do not recommend these types of calls.

I got into town around 7pm and picked my mom up because she’d decided she wanted to come with me.  My brothers said they couldn’t handle it and decided to stay at my mom’s house.  My mom and I were taken to the COVID floor, given gowns, and gloves, told he was COVID positive so we’d need to continue to wear our cloth masks (no medical mask, is that safe?!), and escorted to his room in the ICU.  Guys, he looked so fucking tired and so sad.  It was heartbreaking.  The nurse said their ICU was full and most of the patients were in the same shape as my dad.  We talked to him for a few minutes, held his hand and all that shit.  He didn’t respond in any way, so I don’t know if he was even there.  We stepped out of the room while they removed the tube and gave him some medicine.  When we went back in, his breaths were labored and it looked like he was gasping for air. My mom almost lost it because she wasn’t expecting that.  I told her she could go wait in the hall and I’d stay with him until he passed.  The nurse was kind enough to give him a little more medicine to make it less dramatic, but it was still difficult watching him breathe in that way.  My mom sat so she couldn’t see his head to make things easier on herself.  We sat there with him for about 40 minutes before he passed away at 8:32pm on Monday, the 14th.

I stayed with my mom last week and helped her arrange a private graveside service and the burial.  She wanted to do a funeral and I thought that was the worst idea, so we agreed on doing a celebration of life next year when things are a little better (hopefully).  To my knowledge, I haven’t had the virus.  I operated under the assumption that my mom and brothers had it and were immune for now and wouldn’t transmit it.  So, I was able to be with them without mask, but I did wear a mask when anyone else was around.  I can’t say the same for the fucking funeral director and the locksmith’s employee who opened my dad’s safe for us, though.  I live in a bigger city and mask wearing is pretty wide-spread here, but I saw so many people in my hometown (a more rural area) who didn’t bother with them.

Anyway, while all these graveside preparations are going on my mom goes through the bag of personal items from my dad that the hospital gave us.  She tossed his clothes in the washer and placed his two rings into a bag to give to the funeral home so he could be buried in them.  She also pulled out his wallet and his cell phone.  His wallet has a picture that was obviously cut from an old driver’s license of a woman named Deb.  Apparently, this woman lives in Florida and had attended junior high school with my dad.  About two years ago, my parents took a trip to Florida and visited with her for several days.  She even friended my mom on Facebook.  So, the old driver’s license picture of her was very weird.  What was even more disturbing?  His wallet also contained a plastic bag of hair that very obviously is not my mom’s.  And there was a piece of paper with three phone numbers on it.  His phone was locked with a PIN and was set to wipe itself after 20 incorrect tries.  I did tried to break into it, but wasn’t successful.  My mom admitted that she suspected he’d been talking to someone on his phone for years, but she never directly confronted him about it.  She’d just make comments about him always texting on his phone and being secretive.  Two Christmases ago he bought her a ring at a store that she has an online login to.  This particular store posts the receipts for all purchases linked to the customer’s account to the website.  She saw that my dad had purchased two pieces of jewelry even though she only received one.  My dad has never in his life bought me a Christmas present without my mom assisting, so she knew it wasn’t for me.  She still didn’t confront him, though.  She just told him that she could see the itemized receipts online.

I sympathized with my mom because I’ve experienced the infidelity of a partner in a relationship and if I were her then I’d want to know.  But I also told her that I don’t know digging into it will make things any better and may not even give her the truth.  He’s gone and there is nothing that can be done about that or anything else.  While I was running errands for her the day before the graveside service, she messaged Deb in Florida and asked if she wanted her picture back.  She also called the three phone numbers in his wallet.  One went to Deb.  The other two were the cell phone and work phone of my dad’s best friend’s wife, Anne.  The same friend and wife who likely gave the virus to my dad.  My mom told me when I got back that she’d done this and admitted she’d always felt like my dad was talking to Anne and might have an inappropriate relationship with her.  I suspect my mom is right.  Gut instinct is usually accurate.  She said she didn’t think anything physical was going on with Deb, but she did think my dad was carrying on a flirtatious relationship with her via text.  In both cases, he tried to hide it.  And if you hide it, then you know it’s wrong.  That night Deb messaged my mom back and said she had heard about what happened to my dad and was very sorry.  She said that my dad was always clear that he was married and nothing went on that was inappropriate, but that he gave her someone to talk to when her husband was sick and dying five years earlier and they’d always kept in contact.  Again, I don’t think my mom can count on anyone to give her the full story without spin or deceit.  A couple days ago, she texted me a picture of a receipt from my dad’s truck.  It was from last Christmas from a department store.  It had two pieces of jewelry on it.  She looked them both up using the UPCs listed and found the necklace he gave her last year and a ring she doesn’t recognize.  We don’t know if he was giving this jewelry to Deb in Florida or Anne, his friend’s wife.  Or someone else we don’t even know about.  And we’re probably never going to know.  Do I want to call Deb and Anne and tell them I want to full story?  Fuck yeah.  Do I think it will fix anything?  Fuck no.

TL;DR?  I finally found some balance in my life late this summer.  This balance was destroyed when my dad got COVID and died after three weeks in the hospital.  And when you’ve already got a not-so-great relationship with your dad, you get all kinds of feels when he dies in a traumatic way and then you find out he’s been screwing around on your mom.  I also have lots of anger toward him for knowingly exposing my other family members to the virus simply because he didn’t want to own up to getting it after doing something we’d all told him to stop doing.

Health-wise?  I think I’m okay.  It’s been almost ten days since I was with him in the hospital and seven days since his graveside service.  I haven’t had any symptoms yet and I think most people show symptoms by now.  Regardless, I’ve been at home since I returned last Thursday evening and I intend to stay home until January 2nd.  My boyfriend is also home and will be here until January 2nd as well.  Just to be safe.  My brothers are mostly recovered, but both still have a bit of a cough.  My mom never had much in the way of symptoms and seems fine.  My dad was 64 and overweight.  We found out once he was admitted to the hospital that his regular doctor had told him he was a diabetic and my dad insisted on “treating” that with cinnamon instead of actual medicine.  Other than those things, he didn’t have any health concerns.  Be careful, ya’ll.

#Anogete in real life #personal #covid_19 #fuck covid #family #death

[consolecadet]

Casey and I have successfully moved to Worcester as of yesterday. Our dads both helped. There was some bullshit with the U-Haul that made us run ~3 hours late, but we did get there and we did get all of our stuff into the place and I did not throw out my back, mostly because I did not carry very much stuff. Casey carried a lot of stuff. Envy my strong boyfriend

Yesterday we got pizza delivered for dinner and today we ate pasta out of cooking bowls

Today I put together 9 separate items of Ikea furniture

I haven’t explored much yet, bc covid, but even just driving to the grocery store I saw some interesting houses (notably a house with lacy curtains and dozens of Christmas themed dolls staring out of the windows and a wheelchair-accessible ranch-style house with an outbuilding that might have been a greenhouse, a big bike store, a tannery, and a local dairy with attached ice cream store

The apartment is shockingly large, especially for the price. There are 2 bedrooms, one of which I’m using as my office. The kitchen is small but has beautiful butcher block countertops and is somehow less likely to cause traffic jams than my parents’ kitchen

I’m exhausted, and somehow on a midnight-to-7:30am sleep schedule like some kind of functional morning normalperson, but I feel very little resentment toward how tired I am. Mostly I’m just so fucking relieved to be moved out of my parents’ house, this time hopefully for good. I can’t begin to list all the stuff I don’t have to deal with any more, and rn I won’t because I’m just excited and pleased to be spending all the energy I spent dealing with them on new and different things instead

#like I wake up and don't know what to do with myself because I don't have to worry abt anyone coming into the kitchen that morning but Casey #boring text posts #apartment 2 #me and casey #family

[sheerbeautyreigns]

ONE NIGHT

Part 2

***

Excerpt from my longer story Desire. More smutty shenanigans with Drew / Roman (Joe) thanks to Joe's lover Paul Levesque with added Seth (Colby) angst. Enjoy!

***

Joe awoke to the ringing of his phone on the bedside. He picked it up bleary eyed to see Paul’s face. He sighed, rolling onto his back.

‘Hey baby.’ He sounded pretty chipper for 9:30am on a Saturday.

‘Morning,’ Joe said rubbing the sleep from his eyes. He was so tired. Paul didn’t waste any time. ‘How was my surprise?’

‘I can’t believe it was Drew. You should have told me. I had a match with him. God knows what was going through his mind.’ Joe exclaimed. ‘Oh I know. I had a hard on watching it. You two work very well together.’

Joe rolled his eyes, propping himself up on the pillows. ‘I’m serious. I didn’t realise you and him…’ he trailed off. ‘Yeah a few years back, on and off. He’s a good guy. I trust him a lot. I would have asked nobody else for you and he seems to like you. How was it?’

‘He was great, nice guy…big,’ Joe started which caused Paul to chuckle. ‘Good! I’m glad. He left after didn’t he?’

‘Yeah, it just seemed to go fast.’ Joe shifted on the bed. ‘Don’t worry, I’m sure he can visit again. Would you like that?’ Paul asked. Joe was silent for a moment. ‘I miss you.’

He could hear Paul sigh on the other end of the line. ‘I miss you too baby. I know this isn’t ideal but I’ll see you soon.’ Joe threw off the white covers and got out of the bed. He stopped and looked out the window.

‘I’ll arrange for Drew to see you again Monday night and I’ll see you Wednesday at mine. ‘ It wasn’t a suggestion, more of a statement. ‘I love you.’

‘Love you too.’ Paul ended the call. Joe sighed as he gripped the phone, taking on the view from his hotel window. This whole situation with Paul was starting to become a bit of a mess over the past couple of weeks and he didn’t know what to do about it. It had fucked up his relationship with Colby and now Drew was getting involved. Why did Paul have to be so complicated in his preferences?

The next couple of days were pretty uneventful until Joe got to the arena in Richmond, Virginia for Raw. He would be teaming up with Chris in a tag match against Drew and Jinder. He hadn’t seen Drew since Friday night and there had been no contact since they didn’t have each others numbers.

They had agreed to meet at 5pm to go over their spots. Joe could feel his stomach flip upon seeing Drew again. Luckily he seemed unphased, unless he was really good at hiding it. They were so used to going through the motions that it wasn’t long before they were done. Drew had disappeared off to catch up with Sheamus. Joe spent his time getting a hair and beard trimmed.

The match had gone well and Joe found himself alone in the locker room which was unusual. He went about putting his hair up in a bun and removing his vest when Colby walked in. He hadn’t seen him since their falling out in Atlanta the week prior. He wasn’t fighting tonight, just doing some promo work so he was just wearing a t-shirt and black jeans. Joe looked him in the face from across the room and it was clear to see that Colby was being his usual stubborn self, refusing to acknowledge him. He hated that they weren’t speaking. Joe set his vest aside.

‘So you’re just going to pretend that I don’t exist?’ Joe started, trying not to sound confrontational. He watched as Colby unlocked his locker and took out his belongings.

‘I don’t have anything to say to you.’ He said, refusing to look Joe in the eye.

‘Stubborn as always,’ Joe said in an annoyed tone as the door opened. In walked Drew, wearing nothing but his ring gear and a white towel over his shoulder. ‘Hey.’ He said with a smile. ‘See that. Had the crowd in the palm of our hands.’ He said approaching Joe and pulling him into a hug. ‘Was pretty cool huh,’ Joe forced a smile. This was awkward. Drew dug into his bag that he had set aside. ‘I’m gonna freshen up. What time will you be at the Hilton?’ Joe could see Colby turn his head. Their eyes met briefly before he answered Drew. ‘Uh could be there in an hour. I have a couple of things to do here and I still need to check in.’ He handed his mobile to Joe. ‘Put your number in.’ Drew headed off into the shower area while Joe keyed in his number. Colby stood from across the room looking at Joe, spreading his hands. ‘Lemme guess. Paul’s idea?’

‘It’s not like that.’ Joe defended, knowing exactly what Colby meant. He was right but he wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction. Joe approached him so that Drew couldn’t hear them. ‘I miss you man. Can’t we just be friends?’

‘Not while you’re with Paul. He’ll do anything to tear us apart and you’re just willing to go with it.’ He started ‘No, that’s not true. You know there’s more-‘

‘Aah, don’t give me that bullshit. He’s got you messing around with Drew now and you just go with it. I know exactly what’s going on.’ He said, his voice becoming raised. ‘Will you keep it down!?’ Joe said glancing towards the shower area, hoping Drew wouldn’t hear. He couldn’t hear the water. ‘Don’t worry, I’m leaving.’ And just like that, Colby was gone again. Joe just couldn’t seem to catch a break with him anymore.

‘Everything OK with you two?’ Drew asked cautiously from the door frame, a towel wrapped around his waist. Joe turned around.

‘Yeah, he’s just being stubborn that’s all.’ Drew gave him a look that said he wasn’t really buying it. Joe wondered what Paul had told him about them, if he’d mentioned anything at all. He quickly changed the subject. ‘Right I need to shower and sort my shit.’ Drew smiled and disappeared to shower himself.

Since Joe had a few people to catch up with at the arena, Drew went on to the hotel and grabbed a drink at the bar. He got a text at 10:20pm from Joe to let him know his room number. Drew downed his beer and headed up to the 10th floor.

‘Hey,’ Joe greeted him with a smile. He had his hair in a neater bun this time and he was wearing loose fitting jogging bottoms and a black tank top. Drew smiled as he entered, already removing his leather jacket. ‘I’ve been looking forward to this all day.’

‘I don’t know what you heard in the locker room but…’ Joe started motioning for Drew to join him on the sofa to which he obliged ‘Did Paul tell you anything specific about what’s going on with me?’

‘He mainly said that he wants me to see you from time to time when he’s away.’ Drew answered.

‘Anything about Colby, what you can do, what you can’t do? I just wanna know.’ Joe searched his eyes hoping for some answers.

‘I am aware that you and Colby have a history and I think…no, I know that Paul isn’t too pleased about it. I’m sure he’s worried when you two spend time together. I mean, I’d be too if I were in his position.’ Drew tried to reason with him. ‘Its none of my business at the end of the day but he trusts me to do as I’m told and he knows I like you.’ Joe blushed hearing this. ‘I just want us to fuck. That’s all I want. I’m a simple guy. No dramas here.’ He continued, raising his hands trying to make light of the situation. Joe smiled. ‘So is it just a deal where you fuck me or what?’

‘Well, Paul’s given me free reign, obviously as long as you’re comfortable too.’ He suggested.

‘Like fucking you?’ Joe asked. Drew’s eyes lit up as those three words came out. ‘I thought you’d never ask.’ He could see Joe’s face light up. They wasted no time in getting undressed and moved to the bed. ‘On all fours.’ Joe instructed, grabbing the lube from the night stand, before kneeling behind Drew. The Scot winced at the sudden cool sensation on his opening. Joe was already hard at the prospect of fucking him. Whatever it was, when he was with Paul, he never got to fuck him. Paul was always on top. It had always been that way. The only other person he got to fuck was Colby but there was zero chances of that now. He decided to make the most of this opportunity. He took his time in fingering Drew’s hole, listening to his reactions, making him enjoy every moment. He withdrew his fingers and lined the tip of his cock up with the slightly gaping hole. Drew inhaled as he gently forced himself in, his muscles closing in around the hard shaft. It felt so good to Joe.

‘Christ,’ Drew growled at the feeling of fullness. ‘You good?’ Joe checked trailing his hands around to his pelvis. ‘So good.’ Drew responded urging Joe to begin fucking him. He started off slow, listening to Drew’s reactions and started picking up the pace. ‘Fucking hell,’ Drew let out as Joe fucked him harder now, not letting go of his pelvis, pummeling him into the mattress. He gripped the sheets below, trying to hold on, breathing heavily as Joe’s balls slammed against his ass. ‘I’m gonna come,’ Joe panted. ‘Do it,’ Drew growled, flipping his hair back, catching a glimpse of the intensity on Joe’s handsome face. He shuddered a few moments later as Joe’s seed filled him. The Samoan would not let go until he was completely drained. He withdrew eventually, falling to the bed on all fours, next to an exhausted Drew. ‘Fuck,’ Joe’s chest heaved up and down as he looked up at the ceiling. ‘Has that been building up for a while?’ Drew asked, rolling onto his side to face him. Joe’s head fell to the side. He nodded and smiled ‘You have no idea…’ There was a moment of silence as Drew’s eyes fixed on Joe’s. The Samoan tried to look away until Drew cupped his jaw in his hand and planted a kiss on his lips. Joe gently gripped his wrist and looked him in the eyes.

‘I thought kissing wasn’t allowed,’ he commented, licking his lips. ‘It’s not. I just can’t help myself.’ He leaned in and kissed him again, this time more passionate, their bodies becoming entangled on the bed. Once Drew had Joe on his back, he flipped him over and pulled his hips up towards him. Joe looked over his shoulder to see Drew with the lube in hand. ‘I’m gonna fuck you so hard after that.’ He warned with intensity in his blue eyes. Joe groaned into the sheets as Drew slid his fingers in. He was instantly hard again. He fingered him hard and deep, stretching him out. Joe barely had time to register what was going on until Drew was already sliding his thick cock in with a little help from the lube. ‘Aaaah fuck.’ Joe cried out, burying his head in his hands, his hair falling in front of him.

‘Time to teach you a lesson, you big fucking tease.’ Drew laughed arrogantly as he watched Joe squirm below him. ‘Pleeease,’ he moaned in between breaths, trying to relax his muscles around Drew’s cock. The Scot slapped him hard on the ass. Joe seethed, gritting his teeth knowing there was no way out of this. ‘Fuck,’ he grunted as Drew began to fuck him, rocking the bed with every thrust. Their moans and groans filled the room. Joe felt like he was in heaven and hell, his body writhing in the mix of pain and pleasure that Drew was dishing out. ‘You like that huh? He taunted, squeezing the ass cheek he had smacked moments ago. ‘Aowww fuck,’ Joe cried out again. When he thought he had had enough Drew slammed hard into him, his seed shooting into Joe’s hole. He grunted with each heavy thrust, sending Joe over the edge, caving into the mattress, a sweaty mess, hair everywhere.

When Drew had seen how limp he had become below, he withdrew immediately, lowering to the bed. He brushed his hair away from his face, seeing that his eyes were closed. Heavy, raspy breaths escaped him.

‘Joe, you OK?’ He tapped at his cheek. ‘Joe???’ he tapped faster this time before flipping him over on his back to help his breathing. Eventually his eyes fluttered open. He looked lost. ‘Joe, you OK?’ Drew said with panic, seeing how out of it that Joe looked. Drew came into his vision. ‘Sorry, sorry…’he apologised rubbing his eyes. ‘I was worried there. You were, like, gone.’ The Scot leaned over him making a fuss. ‘It’s OK, it’s happened before.’ Joe sat up in the bed and grabbed the bottle of water from the nightstand. He mouthed about half of the bottle. ‘Way to ruin the moment eh?’ Joe tried to make light of the situation in order to stop Drew from fussing.

‘You should get that checked out. It doesn’t seem normal.’ Drew looked concerned. ‘Don’t worry, it’s like some sort of euphoric high or something. Paul’s seen it before.’ Joe explained. ‘You were so intense.’

‘I can’t help it. I just wanted to fuck you senseless.’ Drew laughed, relieved he had come around. He looked at the clock. It was almost 12am.

‘Do you have to go?’ Joe asked, eyeing him. ‘Well, I’ve done my deed. I shouldn’t leave after you blacked out though.’

‘I’m totally fine now, don’t worry.’ Joe explained trying to brush it off. ‘I would though.’ Drew bit his lower lip and got up off the bed. Joe’s eyes followed him as he disappeared into the bathroom to take a piss. He emerged a few minutes later. Joe was still sat in the same position but now under the white covers.

‘I know I’m not supposed to stay but I don’t want to leave just yet.’ Drew said standing at the foot of the bed. ‘It’s completely up to you man. I won’t say a word.’ Joe advised. Gingerly, Drew walked around to the other side of the bed and crept in under the covers close to Joe who moved onto his side so he was spooning him now. Joe reached over and turned off the bedside lamp before pulling him close and kissing him goodnight.

#roman reigns fanfiction #roman reigns #drew mcintyre fanfic #drew mcintyre #colby lopez #Seth rollins #paul levesque #fanfiction #Fic #wwe fanfiction #Smut #slash #Slash fic

[goodbyetoed]

Oh bro

The wise part of my brain really really does not want to have to go back inpatient. My ED is all like "yes yes that will Validate you and prove you're Actually Sick" but fuck that noise! So here are all the reasons that inpatient SUCKS to remind me it's NOT something I want to aim for:

Not being able to sleep in my own bed

Not being able to spend time with my flatmate doing dumb shit like cartoons and video games

Not being able to cook/bake my own food

Not being able to feed my sourdough starter when it needs it!

Not being able to help take care of our vege garden!

Not being allowed to go for walks when I want

Not being able to leave! Cooped up and stuck

Boring as heck

Bloods every single damn week

Vitals every single day

Being woken up at 6am x2 a week for weigh in

Fucking weird ass meal times (breakfast at 7:30am??? Let me sleep jfc)

Having to play those fucking stupid awkward table games like 'A-Z' and shit

Can be triggering seeing other sick people/people using behaviors etc

Communal bathrooms. Need I say more

Having to ask for permission to use the bathroom

Not being allowed to use the bathroom after meals

Limited shower times

Being watched by nurses all the time

Very little privacy/sharing a room

Having to do all the therapy groups I've already done over again

Having to do groups and share things with strangers

Having to do the more "creative" groups and feeling like you're in primary school again

Will see friends less - especially if they don't know I have an ED and I don't want to tell them

Will worry my family

Only get to see family and friendly briefly during "visiting hours"

Might miss out on fun activities I have planned with friends for when uni is done

Miss out on being able to enjoy the nicer weather

Have to eat food that I don't enjoy

Having a certain time limit on meals/snacks

Limited choice over what you eat

Shitty instant coffee (only allowed to be 2 teaspoons in strength lol)

Only allowed like 2 grinds on salt and pepper on your bland ass meals

No condiments!! (I really love my sriracha okay)

Having to ask when you want a drink of water and only being allowed up to 1L extra fluid (outside drinks with meals) per day

Having to drink gross supplements if you leave even so much as a tiny bit of rice or whatever on your plate

Will be super down on myself for "going backwards"

Will make me sad because of memories of a girl I was inpatient with last time who passed away :(

Will feel embarrassed having to see staff again

The dietitian there is an asshole lol

Drives you further into the 'ED world' i.e. everything revolves around EDs and food and weight etc

Don't want to take up a bed someone else might need more (bullshit reasoning yeah yeah I get it)

Obvs wanna put weight gain here lol but logical part of my brain knows that's not a bad thing/is the whole fucking point!

Overall it just makes you feel like you're not a full person

DISCLAIMER: You should absolutely do inpatient treatment if it is recommended to you/you feel you need it!! For all its downsides it really did help me a lot in the past. These reasons are very personal to me and I'm trying to use them as motivation to get better on my own! Ultimately, I will go back if it is strongly recommended by my team, I just want to stop it from getting to that point, and also to show that inpatient is nothing to ~glamorize~✌

#haha i mean im having to do bloods every week at the moment anyway oops but thats besides the point #ed recovery #eating disorder recovery #personal #anorexia recovery #treatment #inpatient #anorexia

[athena1138]

venting

High key y’all, I’m not ok. I’ve been taking my meds but the dose isn’t strong enough. So, I feel everything I don’t want to feel, I just can’t cry about it yet. That’s already so frustrating. 

I hate this shift. I hate it with a passion. I don’t get to talk to my friends ever because I have to sleep during the day and none of them are night owls. I don’t get to see my residents except for the wee hours of the morning when they’re all crotchety, needy, and upset. I love them to death but I can only handle being grumped at or asked to assist in a suicide so many times before every page begins to feel like another nail in my coffin. (Yes, I have been asked MULTIPLE TIMES to help people die because they’re Christian and can’t do it themselves. I have very obviously not done it, but it’s still so... heavy to be asked again and again and know that there’s nothing I can do. I can smile and be kind and be there for them but that’s not what they want. It’s not what I would want, either, if I were most of them.) 

I feel like this is the most thankless shift. Honestly. Nobody ever stops to think about the midnight girl. Not staff, not residents. I’ve won employee of the month ONCE in my year working here and it only happened because I got to spend a month above ground. I get left the most bullshit things. I’m the one who picks up trash, I’m the one who finishes laundry, I’m the one who sweeps and mops the floors. I wander the night keeping everything nice and tidy while also taking care of the people who need me, but the people who need me are not the ones who vote for employee of the month. They’re the lady who can barely speak because of a stroke, the lady who hasn’t left her room in literal months because she’s in a wheelchair, the lady who begs me day after day to kill her and asks me why god hates her so much, and the lady who can’t leave her room because her hip is inches away from breaking. I know they love and appreciate me, and I love them. But like. A lot of the time I feel like a ghost. 

I don’t ever get to see the sun because by the time I get home, I’m so worn out that going outside is a huge hassle. If I go to bed right away, I don’t get to see it even through my window because by the time I wake up, it’s already fucking dark because it’s winter. The only other person who can work a midnight shift? She can only work Monday and Wednesday. Which means I have to work Tuesday. Which means I get one day off, one day on, and one day off. You wouldn’t think that’s too terrible, but it really is. Especially when you consider that it... doesn’t feel like a full day because I get off work at 7:30 in the morning. So I have “Monday off” but it doesn’t start until 7:30am, and then I have to sleep, so I end up getting up around the same time I would’ve if I had to work Monday night, have to stay up so that I’m tired enough to sleep before work on Tuesday, and then I do it all again for Thursday. PLUS, the last 2 weeks? I’ve had to fucking do things during those days I’m off, so it isn’t even restful. 

Beyond just the shift in general, I’m just. Worn out. My friend and I are the only 2 full time people, and 5ish weeks ago we had 3 people either quit or get fired. Which means that my friend and I have been pulling huge overtime for 5 weeks. She even has a kid so I truly don’t know how she’s still holding it together because I sure as shit am not.  

My hands are in agony tonight. I don’t know why. I don’t have arthritis or anything like that (yet,) but from my wrist down it’s just burning, throbbing pain that won’t go away. It actually woke me up an hour before I was supposed to get up and I haven’t been able to make it stop. 

I was looking forward to the dinner I was going to get at work tonight. Cook didn’t leave me anything. So. I’m going to have grilled cheese for the fifth time this week because I can’t make anything else without making a big mess or opening something which I don’t like to do. So I feel invisible/uncared for which I know is dumb, she just didn’t see my ticket, but I’m already so down it just feels like another kick. 

Like guys. I’m barely hanging on by a fucking thread. But I can’t just take a few days off because 1, there’s no one else who can work this shift. And 2, I literally can’t afford it. My mom hasn’t been working since January, and my brother is worse than an urchin. So it’s just me and my income keeping the house together, keeping bills paid. And it’s so much. We’re so buried in debt that I literally can’t just not work. For fuck’s sake, we’ve been driving around with expired plates for months now because we haven’t been able to afford to get them renewed.

And even at home, it’s shit. I’m back to having to fucking hide my food or else my brother is going to inhale it. What little sleep I get is restless and often gets interrupted by someone being loud. The other day my mom decided to fucking do dishes halfway through my sleep and she has NO concept of how to be fucking quiet when doing anything. I’m taking up to 3 melatonins before bed every day now because I just can’t fucking get enough sleep anymore. Even if I went to bed the minute I got home, it wouldn’t be enough. 

I don’t know what to do anymore. I flat out do not know. I can’t even go get my meds upped because we don’t fucking have insurance anymore because my mom got fired because, again, SHE HASN’T WORKED SINCE JANUARY. 

#shut up becca #personal #becca whines #becca rambles

[presageoffear]

A Question of Agency | Yuki | Trial 1 - 1 | Re: Kai, Alexandra, Occam

Feeling like they don't really know a whole lot more than they did when they started, Yuki shuffles into the elevator moodily, bouncing lightly on their toes and eager to get off again as soon as the doors open. They dart into the new room, having listened on and off to the explanation given on the way, but whatever they got the gist.

And the room is... fucked up and spooky. Yikes. Yuki edges around the podiums, squinting warily at the nameplates and the symbols. If this were a comic there would be question marks floating above their head. Once they find the podium designated for them, they move to sit on top of it, because why not, and cross their arms, staring up at the ceiling now. 

"Th'fuck...?" Yeah they're a bit distracted. What is up with those stars? Are those stars? Is it even nighttime right now? Hello? 

No one else seems to be paying too much attention to the bizarre nature of their surroundings though, so Yuki reluctantly drags their attention back to the more important matter at hand. 

"I ain't a snitch." Is, for some reason, the first thing they feel the need to announce to the group at large. "But this don't seem like that kinda situation. Not like anyone here's a cop, far as I know, an' anyway whoever killed Vyolette..." They pause to take a breath, a flash of anger in their sky blue eyes. 

"It ain't right. The people that trapped us here an' are doin' this bullshit to us are definitely at fault too, but they didn't force no one t'make a bomb an' put it where it'd go off an' kill somebody. I don't wanna execute no one, that seems like bullshit, but I don't wanna die neither, 'specially not for someone that'd kill Vy when they ain't even did nothin' to deserve it."

The situation sucks, no doubt, and if Yuki thought it'd do any good then they'd punch that old white lady in the face before playing along. But right now they've got some semblance of priorities.

"'Fore we decide what t'do though, we oughta at least figure out who did it. Vy deserves that much, that we at least learn who did this to 'em an' all that. I don't really know the answer, but I'm gonna do my best, 'cause they were cool an' nice to me. So." Yuki punches a fist into the palm of their other hand. 

"Here's what I know. I was sleepin' out in the field on the second level last night, got myself a tent set up there. Before all the motive stuff I was sharin' a room with Flint, but I started stayin' outside after 'cause I didn't like the weird crushin' feelin' from bein' near people, y'all know what I mean. Anyway I was out there, an' sometime around uh... I think it was 2:30am when I checked my phone... I got woken up by someone wanderin' past. I poked my head out an' saw Alexa, but she didn't stick around or get too close, so I jus' went back t'sleep. Got up a little after sunrise an' went an' hung out in the Lighthouse for a bit, Cody was there too." 

Yuki points at Cody now, aka Mx. Swanson, so that people know who they're talking about.

"Anyway, I was actually s'posed t'meet up with Vyolette this mornin' to play some games in the Arcade, so I was on my way there, headin' through the Bar where Shiori an' Shiloh Lee were, when I heard the explosion go off an' ran into the Arcade an' found 'em like that. That was right around 9am I guess."

That's part of the timeline established, at least.

#Chapter 1 #Ic #pof trial 1 #Yuki #submission

[onebloomingday]

Not quite New Year!

Man, I’ve put on some pounds... 

December 29th...

15st 3.8lbs - Clothes and Jewellery on and hair a little damp!

Feeling Green (and have been for days - maybe since boxing day), shoulders ache too. Is this down to illness, the sheer amount of food I’ve been eating, the minimal nutrients I cannot feel in my body, no real exercise apart from walking the pooch, or my 3rd attempt at a Christmas Dinner (my engine fuelled by White Grape Margaritas and Bucks Fizz!) and have I basically poisoned myself..?

This is it the start, the beginning, that bullshit NY resolution (a few days early so i can get on top of the game :) - well that's what I’m telling myself) 

My attempt at bringing in more of a VeganVegOmniOrganicLowCarbExcercise BALANCED lifestyle - I’m not asking for the world just some discipline, some ‘stick with it’ vibes, just to live with some of the good from all of these... I’m skint - no time for reasons now - but i am - i need to do this on the real - cheap, family, healthy... AND I NEED TO STOP TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT MY AMAZING NEW HABITS ONLY TO STOP THEM THE NEXT DAY!!! - so i haven’t started any of them yet - this is reverse motivation!!

Not forgetting bringing back the ZEN into my life - bit of Yoga, meditation, quality time with the kids, less phone - less tech, more writing that book and then if there's time more sex - maybe I’ll aim for once a month... :)

This time next year - not green, no covid, chilled, focussed, happy and healthier and not being able to make smiley faces out of my tummy or making it wave like the ocean! Maybe this is more about control - being the boss of myself better - maybe i need to look at this like I’m managing someone else’s life?

Well onwards and upwards and here we blooming go - wish me luck...

Food today - it’s 10:30am:

1 x Orange

1 x Seeded Crumpet with a little butter and marmite

3 x Cups of Tea with Oat Milk

Oh and not forgetting recent events:

One negative Covid test 2 days ago and a freshly broken tooth - i look like a pirate - (down to an éclair - the sweet version - not the fresh cream version)

x

Oh and I’m starving!

#newyear #newme #trysomethingnew #behealthy #fuck this shit #motivateme

[omgokiguess]

wow guys i just got out of rehab today

first of all. it was so terrible except for some of the people there. but also a couple of the people there really sucked too.

the staff was TERRIBLE. they were literally so mean and power hungry. i was friends with basically every patient (except for the few shitty ones) and was really nice to them.... like i took in this innocent 20yo girl who started calling me her big sister and i helped this 21yo girl so much with her anxiety..... like i took care of everyone that i could and i stuck up for everyone that the staff treated like shit. and the staff was so fucking rude to me. the whole staff said so many times “we have no problem giving you extra phone time/computer time to take care of things like work, aftercare, legal problems, financial problems, etc” but literally every single time i asked to call work or call my lawyer or anything i got a no. it literally took me two full weeks to get things straightened out with exelon and i literally got let go from anthro because they would just not let me get on the phone so that’s cool. i never once was able to speak to my lawyer or my pre-trial officer. neat. also i got in a pretty heated fight with this one bitch employee who told me i was disrespectful because i asked her superior to open the laundry room for me because i had my period and needed new underwear out of the dryer. we were like screaming at each other and she ended up being sent home for four days. two guys actually ended up leaving randomly and left all their shit including their phones and wallets. that’s how bad the staff was.

the doctor was really good and knowledgeable and helpful and i really liked him. he was really chill. but i do have to say he really was pushing meds on not just me but everyone. i didn’t get on any meds though, and honestly one of the nurses congratulated me for not getting on meds when i left. i thought it was fucked up that i was the only person not on meds. we’re just alcoholics.... there’s no way we’re all fucking psychotic or something. nobody was on less than 2 meds besides me and i would say the average number of different meds was about 4 for somebody my age.

the staff just really frustrated me. it’s rehab so obviously there are a lot of rules for the sake of having rules and i honestly did not have a problem with the rules even though a lot of them were very silly. like you would not find me complaining about the unhealthy food, the fact that they said the gym would be open certain hours but was actually never open because they were “understaffed,” that our bathrooms were locked from 7:30am - 9:30pm and 25 people had to share two toilets, that there were essentially no covid-19 precautions, that somebody checked where i was every 15 minutes, that smoking a pack of cigarettes a day is okay but the juul is not, that i had to get the actual doctor to approve me using contact solution or allergy medication, or any other stupid thing they enforced. i literally only complained about the fact that i couldn’t talk to my employer(s), couldn’t talk to my lawyer, couldn’t talk to my pre-trial officer, couldn’t figure out my aftercare, couldn’t call my therapist, and that the staff spoke to me like i was either an idiot, a delinquent, or like i was a bitch.

i did put up one little stink though. this bitch that worked there, if we were in our rooms, when she checked on us she didn’t knock she just fucking opened up the door, so i decided to just chill in my room and read in the nude one day cause i knew she would just open the door without knocking... and wouldn’t it be fun for her to have to deal with the sight of my entire bush..... so i went for it lmao. she told the entire staff that she walked in on me LOL and the “director of operations” (this woman is truly a dumb cunt) asked my roommate, who was a 45 year old MD from lake forest, if she wanted to switch roommates (???) and dr. nancy my hero was like “um no i actually lucked out with erin and also diana should learn to knock.”

anyway, nancy and brittany my two fave people, left on the same day which really sucked but whatever. then sam left which also whatever... i loved her too. and then..... oh god i hate to admit this so much.... but then michael came in. he made it in 3-ish days before i left.

i literally have NO IDEA why this would be, but okay the protocol is before you go to rehab you go through alcohol detox in the hospital, so i was an inpatient in the hospital for 5 days. i slept through most of that because they put me on valium for those 5 days so that I wouldn’t experience the hells of alcohol withdrawal. i’m glad i was asleep for most of it though because there was nothing at all to do, they had like 3 different crossword puzzles and no TV but as it turns out..... i wasn’t in the alcohol detox section of the hospital.... for some reason they put me in the psychotic wing..... there were only 6 patients total in that wing and i was the only person living in reality. one woman escaped the hospital because she thought her husband was telling her to leave, and the other 4 men were handcuffed to their beds. i was the only person in there with any sense of reality, and i had gotten there in the middle of the night so i was unaware of other wings in the hospital. on my last night there, they moved me to “2 north” aka the normal alcohol detox wing, which probably had 100 people in it. so in the morning we all had breakfast together and i was like WHAT THE HELL..... I COULD HAVE MADE FRIENDS HERE.... and that’s when i met michael. i knew him for like a full 90 minutes total in inpatient but we were literally instant best friends. we met because some old men were telling me jokes trying to get me to laugh and he was sitting nearby and he was like “so how old are you like 35?” and i was like “you’ve got to be kidding me fuck you....” and he was like “yeah lol i’m kidding” and i was like playing back, like “so how old are you like 45?” cause he looked about 30 and he was like “yes” and i was like okay bullshit so he showed me his hospital band and it said 45..... and i was like okay this is ridiculous. anyway he had been to the rehab i was going to before so he told me about it and he gave me a note for sam and i just thought he was really cool. he was getting ECT treatments which is “a treatment most commonly used in patients with severe major depression or bipolar disorder that have not responded to other treatments. ECT involves a brief electrical stimulation of the brain while the patient is under anesthesia.” aka it’s literally where they put those diodes on your brain and shock you. he got 16 treatments. i thought he might end up back in rehab with me. but he spent like 2 full months in inpatient which is super abnormal, almost everyone is there for exactly 5 days like me. anyways

so michael shows up right before i leave and the big question is WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME...... i spent like 3 days with him nonstop and we can probably all see where this is going but.... this dumbass of course falls for him....???? there were some cuties in rehab and i had NO INTEREST in any of them but idk michael is just kind of.... the personality i’ve been looking for.

couple problems. 1. i have a boyfriend. 2. michael is 5′6″ .... (???) .... 3. i cannot get his fucking stupid smile out of my head and i’m hoping i was just sexually deprived for weeks and this is just a dumb thing BUT

idk my boyfriend like made all these promises of things he was going to do for me while i was in rehab and he kind of didn’t follow through on any of them. i really basically only told him and my sister that i’m going to rehab and my sister lives in boston and so i kind of assumed he would do the things he promised he would do, which clearly was stupid on my part. i can’t rely on him. i should have learned that by now... if i want something done i have to do it myself. i didn’t even ask very much of him. he basically promised four things. 1. he would take care of my guinea pigs. 2. he would check on my car to be sure it doesn’t get impounded 3. he would clean my room before i get back and 4. he would bring me the stuff i need (contact lenses to fucking see, hairbrush, tampons, other necessities) since they wouldn’t let me leave hospital care between detox and rehab. the only one of those he did was take care of my guinea pigs, which is essentially nothing because he goes to whole foods every day and his MAID cleaned their cage.

and idk, we were allowed 10 minutes of combined computer and phone time a day (which is literally nothing), and i always called him and ignored the computer because i thought he would want to hear from me and i would want to hear from him too, but at least 30% of the time i left phone time upset and crying. i mean i was turning my whole entire life around and it took him 13 days just to check to see that my car wasn’t impounded, and he had the audacity to complain that he was overwhelmed with all the stuff he had to deal with on my behalf even though it was literally just feeding my guinea pigs and then he had his own work shit. i suspect he’s taking more adderall than he should again. but i can’t even complain. his dad found the lawyer that may end up saving my life. 

and anyway. he never ended up cleaning my room (he wasn’t even gonna clean it himself, he was going to hire someone to clean it and he couldn’t even do that even though he promised. i don’t need it i just kind of thought he was gonna keep his promise), and it took him 5 days to bring me the stuff i need. i kept in one pair of dailies for 5 days (i wore my last pair over from detox) and went blind for 2 days. my rehab was only 20 minutes from his house, a straight shot on the never-crowded 294. i left him with all of my debit cards and pins too, and bank logins so that he wouldn’t have to pay for anything i needed. 

and idk then when i talked to him, whenever i complained about rehab he would just kind of be like “this is why you should have gone to PSI” which is where he went to rehab for marijuana.... which costs and arm and a leg because his dad will pay for anything for him and he doesn’t understand that i’m paying for this myself. and i didn’t want some cushy rehab. i mean yeah i didn’t want the staff to be such a load of cunts but i didn’t want his cushy frilly rehab experience. i would have really liked my program if there had just been better people working there. and he wanted to talk about my sobriety so much and like.... i don’t want to talk about it with him. idk in his head i think he thinks i’m taking his exact same journey and like i’m NOT. like it’s not even the same drug. he acts like he totally understands and it’s like... yes there is a lot he understands but there’s a lot that’s different and there’s no way ANY two patients ever went through the exact same thing, ESPECIALLY when it’s different drugs!!!!

and i’ve been with him since about 1p today (he was late to pick me up, it was supposed to be noon, which he promised he wouldn’t be late, and him being late was also something i brought up a lot in rehab because it caused me so much stress..... i just KNEW he was gonna be late and it caused me a lot of anxiety and i told him this so much and he was still late) (and anyway the point here is).... i’ve been with him since 1 and he just keeps saying weird stuff about alcohol. which is EXACTLY why i didn’t want anybody to know i was going to rehab. like after eating hospital food for weeks i wanted to go to a nice restaurant and most nice restaurants serve alcohol.... which is FINE like i was not gonna drink.... but he kept saying things like “we probably shouldn’t go to a pub” or “lake forest food and wine hmm better not go there” and it’s like..... i’m fucking HUNGRY i purposely didn’t eat the hospital food because i wanted to eat good food and it took us till 2:30pm to get somewhere because he felt the need to beat around the alcohol bush.... and every time alcohol came up in conversation (which just HAPPENS because that is how life is....) he’d be like oh sorry shouldn’t mention that and it’s like I CAN HANDLE IT..... i literally finally said to him “wow I’m so glad I didn’t tell anyone i went to rehab because if everybody talked to me the way you’re talking to me that would make me want to drink”

and also right before i went to rehab i told him i was afraid i wasn’t going to like him anymore if i was sober. and boy was i right. and adding michael in did not fucking help. i told myself i would never like somebody fucking shorter than me but i can’t fucking help it. i’ve never liked people for their looks anyway and his personality is just fucking perfect. i can’t get his voice and his smile out of my head. and i trust him to be sober. i really do. this was his first relapse in five years, and he only spent one month drinking before getting help. and i think we could be sober together. 

idk maybe i was just so sex deprived that i was just horny or something. i don’t know.

i start online intensive outpatient tomorrow at noon. this week i have it wednesday thursday and friday but it’s gonna be different every week and somebody is going to at least speak with me every day. i’m doing it through derek’s practice and i told him to make sure i have a lot of homework.

i’m not sure how or when i’m going to get back to work. i don’t even really care though. i can always get another job. and after talking to my sister and working through some therapy at rehab, i almost think it’s best to move anyway. i think it would really help me to get away from my parents.

idk. my life is just so in limbo right now. i can stay on FMLA leave for 3 months and on my upcoming court date, that will mark one month. i think it might be wise to use the whole three months. it also might not be wise though because i need things to do. maybe if i could just get back to anthro.....

anthro terminated me in the weirdest way and i think my lawyer can get my job at anthro back for me with a simple letter. that might be the best thing for me right now. 

not to mention.... i haven’t been back to my apartment yet but.... the gold coast has been destroyed. i don’t know what i’m going back to at this point. this is really sad sad sad to say but i don’t think i will be living downtown chicago anymore, once i find some other solution or once this lease expires, i’m leaving. maybe i’ll stay in chicagoland but probably not. if i do stay in chicagoland i’m gonna be living in the suburbs. but i think it only makes sense to get out of here. i think it makes sense to go to the southeast. florida or atlanta or north carolina or virginia. california is always on the mind too but to move there i think i need to be really really confident in my sobriety.