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beautifulpersonpeach · 8 months

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Why did Joon posting that song blow up to such an insane degree, but Taehyung mouthing the n-word seems to have made no noise? I’m absolutely not saying I wanted Taehyung to be at the center of a hate campaign, but I’m kind of surprised? If I understood the meaning of the song correctly, Joon really didn’t do anything wrong or offensive at all, but it blew up and was everywhere for days. I saw so many discussions about it on different platforms. But then Taehyung actually DID do something wrong. But it’s just… crickets. I guess I’m just confused? Why did Joon’s thing turn out like it did, but Taehyung seems to have gotten away unscathed?

***

I just want to say, first of all, that I abhor this sort of ask for two reasons: (1) because it ultimately taps into the incredibly toxic hyper-competitiveness in k-pop, where everything is seen within the lens of comparison and competition - nothing is sacred; and (2) because I'm Black and Korean, and having to explain the intricacies of how this space creates and engages in the sort of prejudice cocktail one uniquely finds here, especially since I've been into k-pop for this long, is annoying and borderline dehumanizing to experience.

But I understand why you asked it. I know you likely bore no malice in asking it and I can see why the stark difference in reactions could be confusing, so I'll use your ask to make a general comment about general fandom dynamics. It's something I've talked about before, when discussing hate and how Jimin doesn't actually get as much hate as a lot of people think, but that he does get huge amounts of certain kinds of hate. I suggest you read that post with this one please, because I won't repeat all I said there, here.

I often talk about the different players in k-pop fandom, how hate can be manufactured, and that various things have influenced previous scandals blowing up. It can get confusing to fully explain, but I'll try not to ramble and will try to outline this methodically somehow, splitting up the factors I think are important into sub-headings.

The Background/Setting

This might not seem obvious at first, but it's important to know what else is happening in k-pop fandom at the time.

In the case of Namjoon's artificial scandal of recommending a Frank Ocean song about Black queer experience, and unrequited love related to religious truama - a song 10s of idols and people had shared before to zero controversy, and a scandal started in a Blinks GC including BTS akgaes (who were Blinks) - the background context was Lisa getting dragged by most of stan twt for an unflattering picture posted on Popbase, Blackpink getting flayed by several k-pop fandoms for not selling out their latest concert venue, and simultaneously NewJeans taking yet another record from Blackpink. This wasn't the catalyst for the hate on Namjoon, but it provided the background noise for why Blinks were so angsty and pissed. All that happened in one day.

You see, before Blinks came after Namjoon, they'd actually gone after NewJeans' fandom in retaliation. A blink hacked the NewJeans Global fanbase following the achievement announcement. Look at the date of that tweet. If you were on Twitter you would've seen "APOLOGIZE TO LISA" trending globally. Well, that's what happened. Bunnies are a much smaller fandom but their group is the top girl group, meaning that fandom dynamics make them an easy target to overwhelm that nobody would care to defend and so their pleas that their fanbase was hacked fell on deaf ears, Blinks easily overran them and practically everything that happened to Namjoon two days later, happened first to NewJeans and their fanbase. But the scandal didn't gain much traction and Blinks were like, raging pissed. I'm talking people screaming in various Twitter spaces mad. Just insane any way you look at it.

Then a day later Namjoon said in a magazine interview that BTS would be returning around 2025. That was the catalyst for the hate. Aside from the additional annoyance for Blinks of BTS, well, BTS-ing, BTS akgaes who were also Blinks, absolutely lost their shit. It might seem like such an innocuous thing, but one thing you'll realize is, a lot of people here are frankly insane. I know I use that word a lot but I actually mean it. Much of what passes for 'discourse' here, is actually fueled by people who are very unstable and cannot manage their emotional reactions to facts outside their control. Such is the perpetual plight of BTS akgaes and one such fact is BTS all saying they intend to return in a few years, and so their attention turned to him and he would've had a hate train sooner or later. It was only blind luck that he shared Bad Religion on Instagram the next day.

To contrast with Tae's situation, Blinks were celebrating various achievements yesterday and today. And so, silly as this might be to say, they were less pissed than they were in the lead up to Namjoon's situation. Also, Blinks and most other shooters were pre-occupied with much juicier drama today, which was the blow-up around Bang Chan's room being suspended. Dives and Stays have been going at it, with Blinks and shooters well in the mix. Scandals sometimes never happen the day of the incident. In fact it's more common for something to happen which an anti or rival fandom notices, keeps away, and then blows up at a more opportune moment - such as during the actual comeback. So it's not like Tae's even in the clear. This could still come back to hurt him (and BTS, because that's how these things always play out), though I doubt it, because of the players.

The Players

The fact is that since Tae started dating Jennie, he has less natural predators within the Blink fandom. He's still hated, just not to same degree he was by that fandom when he accidentally followed Jennie on Instagram a year ago. Also, many Blinks are BTS maknae-line akgaes meaning many Blinks are also taekookers and KTHs. In case anyone was unaware. So Tae is likely never going to get as much umbrage from Blinks as he would from Orbits, for example. But just by being in BTS, he's hated by that fandom.

Rival BTS akgaes are also players here who tried to get the ball rolling on the hate train, but in recent weeks I'd seen sympathy from PJMs towards Tae for his abysmal performance numbers, so not many of them joined in right away. JJKs on the other hand, who have been dealing with a lot of flack for Seven's versions/performance, saw an opportunity to use Tae's gaffe to play off his akgaes and the fandom against other akgaes. ARMYs are a bit stupid, as I've said before, and PJMs are careless, loud, and moronic - they've earned a reputation that makes them easy scapeoats, as I've said before too, so playing those factions off each other was very easy to do.

This all left Black ARMYs, who knew that if this blows up, every BTS member would become a target because of k-pop fandom dynamics, whether that was fair or not, especially for a gaffe like this, to contain this somewhat.

Namjoon does not have the benefit (if I can even call it that) of dating Jennie, his akgaes do overlap with some other fandoms but not Blinks, and his crime was not the sort that was very contagious to other members, so it allowed more akgaes to zero in on him and Blinks to let loose on him.

The Crime

There's no pretty way of saying this, but identity 'crimes' in k-pop fandoms are kind of a bitch and can be tricky to understand. In Tae's case, the fact is that the clips do offer him plausible deniability. I can see how someone could persuade others to think he never mouthed it, though I personally don't buy it. But given the fact that racist charges in particular are very sticky and will be used to target every member, from Jimin to Namjoon even if Tae was the culprit, I can see why the fandom approached it this way.

There's also the very simple fact that a lot of people didn't actually notice that Tae mouthed "nigga". I know the song he was listening to so I know what he said, but I could bet you 40 quid that 80% of the fandom is actually blissfully oblivious. And that's how it usually is with these things. Unless an anti or rival fandom blows it up, it might as well have never happened because few people would've registered that it happened in the first place. And because of (1) the background and (2) the players, it was always unlikely that this could turn into a shit storm today. It could still happen for Tae, but it happening today, in my view at least, was always unlikely.

Namjoon by contrast, had a crime that wasn't even one, but religious sensitivities can be very volatile, and the people who eventually believed he was in error and were fanning the flames, were primarily homophobes and misogynists who justify those beliefs with their religion - in addition to some Muslim fans who perhaps felt genuinely hurt. Not Black ARMYs or Black k-pop stans who have likely dealt with exactly this sort of crime before. I mean, this is k-pop, Shinee and Mamamoo for example, well loved k-pop groups still haven't apologized for doing Blackface and Brownface, they've never even acknowledged it, and yet nobody cares. And so many Black fans unfortunately have a sort of resignation or racism fatigue. In a sense.

One other reason is that, for racist or anti-Black accusations, sometimes other k-pop fandoms could be hesitant to join in and blow up the scandal because they’re aware of their own idols being guilty of the same or much worse, and they know explicitly going after BTS will get ARMYs to drag their faves to filth. It would be something akin to mutually assured destruction but ARMYs would possibly overwhelm with share numbers. Comparatively, accusations around Islamophobia aren’t as common, and so more k-pop fandoms could join in to virtue signal on that basis, and blow it up further knowing ARMYs wouldn’t have equal basis to retaliate towards certain fandoms.

I took my time writing all this for a few reasons. One is because I'm very well aware that there's a narrative in some parts of the fandom that Jimin is hated the most and Tae is hated the least. Again as though this is some kind of competition. And that it's very likely for this to be the talking point in this space filled with Jimin biases, jikook shippers, and Jimin akgaes. Not to call y'all out exactly, it's just the reality as I see it. But like I keep saying, if you're listening to akgaes for most anything, you're being quite stupid because you're guaranteed to be misled. In my opinion. There's a lot more things that influence how things play out here, there's so much more nuance into how various patterns develop, that the simplistic and victimizing arguments offered by that point of view, aren't all that helpful if what you want is to actually understand what's happening here.

And while I'm on the subject since this post is already too long and I've gotten asks about how to feel about this, I'll copy-paste here what I already told someone else privately:

I don't hate Tae, and as a Black person, much less a Black person who has lived in Korea with family there, this sort of anti-Blackness, while disappointing no matter where its encountered, even more so since it's from a BTS member in this case, is something many Black people live with.

I understand what you mean I think, and though you say you don't know how to feel right now, I know how I feel: I feel disappointed. Tae mouthing the word on camera, not bothering to show more care around how it could look, indicates to me that it's possible he shows even less care in private i.e. he's possibly comfortable saying the word in private. This could be true or false. And while not the worst thing in the world (I don't for a second think any of the guys are perfect people - it's possible there's a high chance they'd behave like typical Korean men in various situations with all the cultural prejudices and ignorance), it's disappointing that this could still happen in 2023. As you've said, it seemed very unlikely. But then again, unlike some other members, Taehyung himself has never come under fire for this sort of gaffe. Where Joon, Hobi, and Yoongi have been forced to grow in their engagement with Black culture as they're the members that have worked very deeply on hiphop, Tae's always had a bit of a peripheral view. He's never been personally impacted by any of that particular scrutiny, and given what I think his personality is like, I won't be surprised if it never really registered in his mind as something to be cautious about, since he'd never been personally really affected by it. Hence one reason I started out that post by calling him stupid, as harsh as that might sound.

Personally, I never expect perfection from BTS, so while this is disappointing, it does not dramatically impact how I feel about Tae or BTS or Layover a week from now. I listen to a lot of music and a lot of hiphop made by artists who have very likely killed before, so my personal tolerance for 'problematic' artists or things like this could be very different from yours. It's unfortunate that Tae's actions could bring very negative attention to the whole group, and people will have feelings - some people being hurt and other people re-offending in a bid to defend or antagonize him, so I'd suggest trying not to get caught in the crossfire. If you still want to support Tae, that's okay. Personally, I'll be checking out his album and plan to support it with streams and some sales. If you're hurt and want to say that, that's okay too. If you don't feel like supporting his project, that's okay too. Process this in a way where you honour your feelings and beliefs first, based on the facts as you have them. And anyone who tries to make your life difficult about it either way, fuck them. In my opinion.

#bts #bts chapter 2 #kpop fandom #fandom behaviour #taehyung #namjoon #jimin #hate

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blue-chimera · 11 days

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(cont. from x)

Drinking, Sex, & Violence¹ — What it says about Dean Winchester in Season 7

We've looked at the trial in "Defending Your Life" (specifically as it relates to Amy's death), but there's more to unpack in this episode.

~ Drinking Alone ~

Let's start with the fact that Dean's drinking is getting out of control again. From the very beginning of DYL, he's got a beer in hand pretty much every moment he isn't driving or actively working the case. And things escalate fast once a bar gets involved. (Remember that this is not something we saw from him for most of S6.)

Dean drinking while speculating that the victim drove drunk is just one of several ways the episode associates him with the other guilty parties.² Note that Sam doesn't have a beer. When Dean's drinking in moderation, he's usually engaging in social drinking. When Dean's spiraling, he's often drinking alone.

Meanwhile, he's dragging his feet on the case, resisting & resenting what needs to be done at pretty much every turn, muttering things like, "The fun never stops" and even letting out a disbelieving, "What?" at one point when Sam casually mentions their (obvious) next steps. He's treating things like checking out the crime scene and doing a simple salt & burn like massive burdens. He's bitterly sarcastic & constantly on edge.

The easy explanation is that Dean dislikes cases where the victims aren't obviously innocent or undeserving, to the point where he'd rather leave the supernatural alone in those situations — and you might point back at S2:E8 "Crossroad Blues," for example, to support this argument. But that wasn't the only case they worked where victims were seemingly getting what was coming to them. It's just the only other case they worked where that fact bothered Dean enough that he didn't want to work the case anymore.

In comparison, Dean wasn't inclined to let the Trickster go in "Tall Tales," even though the demigod was only hurting jerks (and offered to leave town without a fight). In "Houses of the Holy," while clearly disturbed to discover that all the victims were perpetrators of horrific crimes, he wasn't at all deterred from laying the avenging spirit to rest. And, in "Red Sky at Morning," the fact that the ghost ship only targeted people who'd killed their own kin didn't persuade him to walk away, either.

The difference between those other cases and these two episodes ("Defending Your Life"/DYL & "Crossroad Blues"/CB) is that, in these episodes, Dean is taking something personally: relating just a little too hard to the people involved. In CB, he's angry at John for his sacrifice and projecting that onto other people who've made deals. In DYL, he's feeling guilty for killing Amy (and like he'd deserve whatever punishment came his way) and he's projecting that.

~ Sex! (Or Not...) And More Drinking ~

There's something else interesting that we discover in DYL, and that's the fact that Dean's playboy ways have been (kind of) left in the dust: casual sex isn't really casual for him at this point. Which makes sense, considering just how long it's been since he had a fling. He was monogamous with Lisa for a year between S5 & S6, then clearly faithful during their long-distance relationship (which lasted at least up through S6:E6). After E6, it's less clear, but I would guess he still wasn't sure if they were broken up "for good" for a while (like, Lisa called him a bunch, but he never picked up, but he kept thinking about calling her back, but he didn't, etc.), until things finally culminated in a "real" breakup conversation in S6:E14 "Mannequin 3: The Reckoning," where both sides got some closure.

He didn't have much time to do anything about being single again, though: barely a month later, things came to a head with Eve... and then Dean was crushed by the events of S6:E20, E21, & E22, as we examined here.

All told, by the time DYL rolls around in S7, he's been out of the game for at least 2 years.³ So, when the hot bartender he's chatting with makes it clear she wants to get lucky with him, that's exciting (and unexpected) enough to break through his guilty ruminations.

However, he's clearly nervous. It's not obvious, though, whether his nerves are entirely because of how long it's been or if his dark mood is also to blame. It's like, this is too good of an opportunity to pass up — or maybe he just can't imagine a Dean Winchester who would say "No" here — but he really hasn't done this sort of thing in a long time & he's also kinda distracted by the stuff he's obsessing over, so he doesn't really have his head in the game & he isn't super in the mood, and, all in all, he's just not entirely sure this is going to go well...

But it's moot in the end. Thanks to Osiris, he doesn't get to find out.

You can't get much more "not a playboy anymore" than giving yourself a pep talk before a one-night stand.

Then, in "Shut Up, Dr. Phil," Dean's mood — and his drinking — only gets worse.

Compare Dean's instinctive "No thanks, I'm working" in S6:E6 (when the bartender asks if he'd like another) to S7:E5's dismissive "We're always 'on the job'!" when Sam questions him about drinking while they're on a case.

In E6 "Slash Fiction," Dean doesn't have much opportunity to drink while tearing up the country in pursuit of his doppelganger. Meanwhile, their status on the FBI's Most Wanted List excludes any possibility of casual sex off-screen. Then, by the conclusion of the episode, Dean has lost Sam & Baby both — his brother and the closest thing he's ever had to a home.

So maybe it should be unsurprising that in E7, after Dean's spent a week & a half alone with nothing but his thoughts, we get another hat-tip that (despite repressing like his life depends on it, to the point where he comes across as almost manic) Dean is on the verge of completely losing his shit. Let's just say that some time apart was not exactly what he needed.⁴

Dean is almost aggressively casual as he tries to pretend everything's fine, while Sam's body language clearly conveys his anger. Body language is a major theme of this episode, as psychics (both real & fake) discern that Sam is pissed & grieving a loss, while also clocking that Dean is exceptionally stressed (despite putting on a fake smile & tap-dancing for all he's worth).

After a tongue-lashing from Ellen beyond the grave, Dean confesses that he's in a bad place & that he knows his instincts might be shot right now. He did what felt right, but it could've been wrong.

In E8, Dean finds himself alone once more — first, when Sam would rather hike in the desert than join him drinking in strip clubs in Las Vegas (a valid choice, if not particularly helpful to Dean), and then again when Sam leaves him for Becky (because he's been bespelled, of course... not that Dean knows it at the time).

Then, in E9, after a conversation where Bobby tells Dean he's noticed that Dean's been acting like he doesn't care if he lives or dies (which, in hunting, gets you killed pretty quick), Bobby is fatally shot.

Dean's state of mind does not improve in E10.

¹Whoops, I lied — sorry! This got long. Violence is gonna have to be in the next part. ²Note that this scene contains a colloquialism that wouldn't typically be written out and might be confusing in print. Despite the negative construction, Dean is actually suggesting that the guy probably was drunk when he ran the child over. Much like if a colleague said, "Maybe the boss just hasn't thought of that... I wonder if somebody shouldn't raise that point at the next meeting?" he would be suggesting that somebody should raise that point. Similarly, someone who says, "I wonder if that man isn't our new teacher?" strongly suspects that the man is their new teacher. (This is possibly related to rhetorical constructions like, "Isn't the sunset beautiful tonight?" which also imply that the speaker takes a positive stance on the issue.) ³ Longer, if you think his last casual encounter dates back to the last one we saw on screen, which would've been with Anna in S4:E10 "Heaven and Hell." Although I think it's just as likely that he had a couple of rolls in the hay afterwards that were just off-screen, since we see him flirting with women with that intention a few times between then & "Swan Song." (And it seems likely that, at age 30, if Dean Winchester was interested & available, he probably wasn't having too hard of a time getting laid.) ⁴Raise your hand if you were surprised to discover that Dean has abandonment issues.

#dean winchester #spn meta #understanding dean winchester #spn #supernatural season 7 #character analysis #character development: dean winchester #dean studies

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windblooms · 3 years

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matchups.

hihi :’) way overdue – but here are the matchup requests that i received. please check for yours below if it was sent in! ctrl+f on desktop for your mbti/zodiac, or something you remember adding in if the post is too long to scroll through.

Hello! I'm INFP and 98% Type 4 & 92% Type 9. I'm a sun Pisces & moon Aquarius. I'm fairly introverted but can be kinda silly if I'm trying to be social. I'm also empathetic & sympathetic with plenty of self-confidence issues. My main hobbies are playing games, looking into social issues, thinking about game characters,etc. I keep bouncing between visions but Geo might be fitting since current Geo characters are a little more on the introverted side. Not sure if I'm late but wanted to try <3 I'm the INFP Pisces & Aquarius Geo asker and forget to mention that I'd like 1 platonic and 1 romantic!

romantic match-up: kaeya.

although it might be odd at first to pair him with a sensitive and introverted soul such as yourself, on the contrary, kaeya won’t have any issues relating to your emotional nature, even if outwardly it doesn’t seem so (behind his light-hearted and diplomatic dialogue, he’s got a transactional relationship with the knights he’s “loyal” to; his own brother is distasteful towards him; and he’s got an agenda that goes against everything he currently lives with.) he’ll get a knack out of teasing you when the mood is fitting, and while he may not be the one to give you the best of pep-talks, his self-assured disposition does have its uses: confident words soothe over the creases of your worries and troubling thoughts, and when things are more light-hearted, the two of you will bounce off of each others’ playful mannerism.

platonic match-up: barbara.

barbara is a sweetheart who’s incredibly devoted to both her companions and her aspirations. wholesome and energetic, she’s sure to keep you on your toes dancing, whether it be about how beautiful it is outside or the potential of a rainbow after a storm. while she’s a clear extrovert, barbara is also insightful to the feelings of others – after all, an idol must understand her crowd! – so she’s sure to dial down the energy if you’re ever feeling weary that day.

hihi !! can i please submit myself for the matchups ? i'm intp-t, scorpio sun and leo moon. i'm 5'11, female, and am described to be a very energetic person. i like to think optimistically and have a special love for philosophy and chemistry !! my hobbies include reading and writing - i've also recently picked up baking. i think i would have a hydro vision in genshin - hydro users tend to be healers, and i think that's something i would specialize in. can i please have 2 romantic matchups 🥺

i'm the scorpio sun leo moon intp matchup ask !! i forgot to mention that my enneagram type is seven, sorry 😔

romantic match-ups: childe/tartaglia and jean.

childe hyperfixates on individuals he deems strong. while this usually translates into people who have experience on the battle field, in your case, he finds it admirable that you’re able to keep up with so many hobbies and interests. your thirst for new experiences and stimuli is akin to his own sense of adventure, and your devotion to each and every one of them resonates with his own conviction to his aspirations. you’re strong mentally, and when you interact, he always has to dedicate himself to you fully in order to keep up; there’s never a dull moment when you’re around him.

a workaholic in denial, jean’s position as acting grand master never gives her a break. she’ll insist that she’s fine, that she’s content with her oversight of the knights, that they are her priority. and while this is true, when you talk about how your interests range from chemistry to baking, it’ll remind her of the time she doesn’t have to do “normal people things.” again, not that she’s miserable with the knights, far from it – it’s just that your life and spontaneity reminds her of the things outside of the knights that she wishes she could do, too. your genuine energy never fails to make her smile – perhaps you were who she’s been waiting for.

hi, congrats on the 1k followers! i really enjoy your writing and i’m glad to see that you’re doing well! i hope the rest of 2021 goes well for you!

for the matchup event, i’d like one platonic and one romantic relationship. i'm an infp, 6w5, scorpio sun and virgo moon. my attention span isn’t the best and i’m an impulsive dumbass, but i still manage to get good grades somehow. i try to be sociable, but i have a habit of clamming up so i usually just end up sticking to the people i know. i’m kinda all or nothing with the effort i put into things; i run out of steam pretty easily so i tend to leave things unfinished, which i hate, but sometimes i’ll go wild and finish a semester-long project in one afternoon. overall, i really like helping others and being seen as reliable! i was really dependent on others in the past, and although i still kinda am now, i’m trying to be someone others can depend on.

as for hobbies, i mostly just play video games and scary stories. i’m also into a lot of crafts, particularly knitting and bracelet-making. i find the motions relaxing, but i enjoy it the most when i have someone to make things for.

as for my vision, i think hydro suits me best because it seems more support-oriented overall, which is the kind of role i’d like to have. however, that doesn’t mean that it can’t be used to do some serious damage if needed.

has lots of energy that’s hard to direct, but can plow through things they set their mind to. likes security of things they know, and wants to give security as well. creative outlets. seems a bit finicky? but insightful with their own emotions.

romantic match-up: mona.

outwardly stubborn but inwardly self-critical, mona has dedicated her entire life to the stars, and it shows: her masterful grip on astrology is nothing to scoff at, and she’s arguably the most practiced mage in all of teyvat. at first, she’ll be baffled at your impulsiveness and “lack of focus”: how will you ever get anything done? she’ll wonder. but when you prove her time and time again that you can plow right through an obstacle just like scissors through paper, so long as it seizes your interest, she’ll take moments to think about her own outlook on life. when she realizes your comfort in abstract, artistic past-times, she might ask cutely for you to teach her. surely, if she can talk to the stars, she can make bracelets . . . ? o-of course they’d be for you! who else would they be for, if not someone she deems endearing.

platonic match-up: beidou.

the personification of a tidal wave, beidou’s ferocity hits hard and leaves a mark. the two of you will find it easy to bounce off of each others’ ideas – maybe even concerningly so to the rest of the crew – and hell, she might even sway you to sneak into a hilichurl village to steal some carrots if it’ll provide for some overdue fun. lots of pats slaps on the back, and she’ll always beckon you over when she learns about something new, thinking that you might find it interesting, and when she wants someone else’s input. she trusts your judgement like family, and knows that you’ve always got her.

hi! i would like to request a genshin character matchup (2 romantic). my mbti is infj and enneagram 2. i am a cancer sun and aries moon. i am calm and reliable, but i do have a mischievous side and use a lot of dry humor. when it comes to having fun, i like to enable others! i am also deeply passionate about community service. my hobbies include yarn crafting. my genshin vision would be cryo because i am highly motivated by love/emotion, can come off as cold, and love the ice aesthetic! tysm!

romantic match-ups: diluc and lisa.

often broody and contemplative, diluc has a whirlwind of thoughts in that hard head of his. through your first interactions, he’ll piece together your intense devotion towards your loved ones and willingness to help others. he’ll warn you that you should take time to consider yourself, too, and that it shouldn’t always be give, give, give, but those same traits in you that he worries about are the same qualities that draw him in. once, too, he was as uninhibited as you, had the same energy. perhaps it’s because you’re both so similar, both in internal hopes and mannerisms, is why he finds it easier to loosen up – even if he doesn’t immediately let go of that deadpan attitude of his when he knows you can come back just as hard.

she’s enthralled by your willingness to engage in her banter. often, those she teases (flirtatiously or otherwise) leave with a red face and an adorable stutter, but it just so happens that you’re one to fluster her instead. it’s been a long time since she’s met someone who can keep her guessing, yet is incredibly insightful to themselves and those around them. she finds your qualities of fun and sincerity to be charming. you’re a breath of fresh air compared to the stern knights she’s around all day, and she looks forward to meeting you after work, conversing with you as you walk down mondstadtian streets and eat over dinner. there’s never a dull quip from your lips, and she’d love to hear everything on your mind.

hii hope I'm not making this too hard on u lol one romantic and one platonic please! either gender is fine I'm bi as Hecc mbti: enfp-t sun taurus moon aries I think my vision would be cryo because people say it's connected to loss and I've lost some pretty important people to me and also. I hate the heat I really like cards, wolves and the stars, my hobbies include working with robots and the general aesthetic of the mid 2000s, my favorite season is winter and I love buying ppl gifts ♡

platonic match-up: chongyun.

immediately, your avoidance of heat and affinity to the calm will give him someone to relate to, and your attraction to the abstract will pique his interests. (perhaps, once he’s become more confident with his exorcist abilities, he could pick up some of your hobbies?) your practicality, in contrast to his often self-critical mindset, will ground him in times of need, and he’ll always ask you if he can help you out in return. while he looks up to you as an individual, he’s honored to also be your friend, or at least someone you devote time to.

romantic-matchup: ningguang.

you both understand sacrifices and loss. while it’s a rather bleak realization upon getting to know each other, your rationality and perseverance despite the past stirs her respect for you; your mindsets are incredibly alike, and she’ll often input your reasoning into her plans, and deem you a trusted associate of the liyue qixing. in her demanding position, you are someone she can readily relate to and rely on. in times when things are less hectic and the two of you can more freely relax, she’ll indulge in a shopping spree with you. as someone who’s intimate with her in both profession and emotional relations, she’d love to show her gratitude.

hi! i'd like to participate on the match up event!

i'm an infp, and also type six on the enneagram test, my sun sign is aries and my moon sign is pisces. i like arts in general with my favourite ones being music and painting, but i also enjoy writing and i spend a lot of time songwriting! also as a person i'm rlly clumsy and i kind of look mean bc of my resting bitch face lol. i think my vision would be anemo because i think it can be really useful in many ways and i like the reactions it has with other visions. i'd like two romantic match ups! i hope this was understandeable, as my english isn't the best. thank you! 💌

romantic-matchups: mona and zhongli.

mona will find your interest in the arts intriguing. you always seem to get ideas at the most random of times, often startling her with how active your mind is. and despite how she doesn’t reply much in return – she’s not versed in words or drawings, even if she won’t verbally admit it – you seem to be satisfied with her . . . reactions? even if the most she can relate them to is astrology, it seems to be enough for you, so long as she isn’t uptight that day. your creativity and attraction to the abstract gives her comfort: there aren’t many people in mondstadt who appreciate her profession, so even if you aren’t into the exact same things, she’ll at least know that there’s someone who looks forward to seeing her.

on his quest to “learn what being a human” is, zhongli encounters a myriad of occupations. typically, the people of liyue are wound up with economics and realism, but your joy in the possibilities – how you can convey your emotions, through what mediums – of life has to offer reminds him of humanity. with you, he’ll explore what mortals call “the small things” in life: akin to the spark of appreciation for flying lanterns, autumn-colored lights at night, feelings of wonder – that’s what you instill in him.

hello!! id like a matchup please!! im an INTP-T and im Type 5,, im capricorn sun and libra moon. im a reserved person and kind of angry all the time,, and i get overwhelmed easily. im not that good with affection,, but me actually welcoming you into conversation or my room or smthn, or actually responding to you means something. im just scared to be open with affection because its always done me wrong in the past. anyways,, id like a platonic matchup and romantic matchup please!! thank u and congrats!!🥳🥳❤️❤️

hello,, im that Capricorn sun libra moon anon,,, very sorry to disturb you,,, but i didn’t mention what my vision would be!! i think id be pyro,, ive always been a bit cold or i usually shun people away,, so i think id be cryo!!!! or maybe hydro because im constantly having a mental breakdown LMAO(but i fr think id be cryo)

platonic match-up: sucrose.

while she’s constantly on-edge from work, sucrose will always make time to check on her dear friend. after all, you do the same for her, even if you insist that you might not have the right words ready. “partners in stress,” kaeya would teasingly dub the two of you as, but you don’t pay mind to him. as quiet and reserved individuals, you find tranquility within each others’ company.

romantic match-up: venti.

whimsical and regarded as a mere bard by most, venti puts up a convincing front. but it’s just that: a front. the real venti is concealed by a chipper voice and mercurial agenda, when underneath, there’s a solemn musician who’s burdened. you’ll most likely be off-put by his facade, as he’s trained himself to constantly be lively – comes with being a performer – but will soon find that he understands your turmoil. he’s not the best with sentimental words, but will instead convey his sympathies through strums of his lyre. while it isn’t obvious that there’s security in freedom, he’ll be sure to encourage you that there’s a way.

Hello Al! For the match-up event would it be possible for me to ask for 1 romantic and 1 platonic? As for my MBTI I am an INFJ-T. As for the ennseagram I am 98% type five and 90% type 6. I am a Taurus sun and an Aquarius moon. I tend to come off as polite and often times a bit shy/reserved irl. I love learning new things. Conversations that have all parties thinking critically are definitely my favorites. My hobbies are writing, drawing, learning new things, reading, and playing video games. As for Genshin vision I'd have to say cryo. I've taken a quiz on quotev and got a tie between cryo and anemo. Cryo's description seemed to fit my personality better. I also seem to have a connection with the cold. Let me know if you need any more info. Remember to take care of yourself. ~Taylor💙

platonic match-up: albedo.

you both have your inquisitive sides, and albedo is more than willing to talk to you about his discoveries. while he might not proactively reach out to you – more like, if you’re nearby, and he happens to catch you peeping at his work, he’ll engage with you. he finds your takes thought-provoking and your candor respectful; a fellow of agreeable disposition, your calmness and supplementing nature also makes it easy for him to work.

romantic match-up: zhongli.

both intuitive and practical in your approaches, zhongli’s given a new perspective when you converse, or at least, a new thing to ponder over. many regard him as stiff besides his gentlemanly disposition; your focused and insistent care will enrapture him as heartwarming, that there are “acceptable” vulnerabilities, but they’re not weak points at all – far from it. your security and assuredness is harmonious with your emotion insight, making for a stable lifestyle that he easily molds into. the conversations that the two of you engage in are nothing short of provocative. just as much as he learns from you, he also provides with tales of the old days.

Is - is the matchup thing still relevant? If not you can just ignore this message - its ok, i know ur busy :)

If it is still on tho, i wonder if i could get a platonic and romantic one?

Im a INFP-T(??), Type 4, pisces sun sag moon.

Im a dumb nerd with big glasses who loves t shirts with puns ot jokes on it. Im not sure about my hobbies, i just like anything that can make me think - memes, books, music, games with lore. I dont like boring, overly normal stuff. I have shitty sense of direction and i suck at math.

I think that my vision would be anemo since thats (i think) an element that requires both creativity and knowledge to work with, which is very special and interesting to me.

Thank you so much in advance! Or sorry if i sent this too late 😅

platonic match-up: xinyan.

both of you are free-flowing and seek excitement. you’re the gasoline to xinyan’s match: you both feed off of each others’ knack for new things, stimuli, and the bold. you could be walking down the streets of liyue, eating bags of mora meat, and then suddenly run down to the northern wharf to catch passing boats and playfully debate over which snobby aristocrat is being shipped off. there’s never a dull moment between the two of you, and the plan is always no plan. spontaneity is the name of the game, and it’s one that you can go at for ages.

romantic match-up: beidou.

there’s hardly a moment to breathe on the crux fleet, that’s for sure. be prepared to explore the entirety of teyvat with beidou, because she’s got you covered with all of your “new thing” needs, alongside your ocean-borne family. she’ll find it humorous that you’re not practiced in navigation – ironic for a seafarer. but steering is complex, and she’d gladly help you out in learning, just another thing to do in a day’s work.

Hi! For the match up event, I'm 98% type 3 and a 97% type 7, I'm am Intp and my moon sign is scorpio, my sun sign is Pisces. I'm above than average in math and I like to draw from time to time, I've tried to learn the ukelele but ultimately failed. I'd like my vision to be an electro cause my fav color is purple and I like how the electricity sparks and stops my enemies, I'm also a fan fic writer and love manhwas

Hi! I'm the last anon that you reminded that should have put 2 romantic in the ask! Sorry about that, it just completely flew over my head

romantic match-ups: ningguang and childe/tartaglia.

your ambition knows no bounds, and your drive is a force to be reckoned with. some may call your approaches headstrong, but your ability to take initiative is something that ningguang greatly admires. it’s something she professes that you two have in common – granted, even if her economic tendencies are more cutthroat. while the two of you have incredibly firm opinions that might send shocks across the room you’re debating in, ningguang trusts your rational thought and explorative mindset. your like-mindedness, in this instance, brings great relief to her in her position.

childe is also someone who would take interest in you. he’s not one for schemes like the rest of the harbingers, and would appreciate your straightforward approaches and the focused energy you put into each project/obstacle you face. it makes it easier for him to speak his mind, and he’ll find comradery with you fairly easy to come by. gradually, the zeal the two of you share can draw you into more adventures, and he’ll have someone he can call a trustworthy partner.

Hello! For your generous match-up event, could I request two romantic matches please? My MBTI type is INFP and my enneagram type is four. My sun sign is Aries and my moon is Gemini. I am a quiet but curious person who can be really flirty and sarcastic in private. I am very caring to those I love. My hobbies including writing and drawing. For my vision, I think I would be cryo? I’m a secretive person who has trust issues and can be cruel. I love your blog, you’re so skilled! Thank you so much!

romantic match-ups: kaeya and jean.

you’re a trusted soul by all, even if many also regard you as reserved. kaeya isn’t one to grow attached (it’s hindered him in the past), however after being paired with you on multiple missions, he’ll feel more at ease around you due to your good nature. your duality is also a breath of fresh air, and each time he talks to you afterwards, he’s reminded that there are individuals who have others’ best interests at heart. many knights will catch the two of you tossing jokes back and forth at each other, but for once, kaeya isn’t trying to swindle anybody.

the acting grand master has a lot on her plate, but she finds that when she’s in your company, the tray is a little lighter. she relates to your sincerity and good intentions, a welcome refresher in the world of forced diplomacy and tedious hours. you also seem to know just the right things to say to lighten the mood, with a cute smile to top it all off.

hello! Could I request 2 romantic match-up? I'm ENFP, enneagram 2w3. Sun Sagittarius, Moon Scorpio, Asc. Virgo. My hobbies consist of anything generally creative, gaming/anime, hanging out with friends esp!! I'm the type of person to show affection by physical touch and by gentle ribbing-- I love making other people laugh. I'm always down to do things, new or not, and an honest and easy-going person. My Vision would be Geo bc I think it reflects how I am as a person-- stable n loyal :) thank u!!

romantic match-ups: venti and beidou.

no one would’ve thought that you and venti would be a pair – then again, when they consider your tendencies for jokes and charisma, it’ll all come together. wherever the two of you go, laughter follows, like dandelions in the breeze. venti hits it off with you almost immediately after you meet, your natural social nature enabling easy conversation. you’re also very zealous with topics that pique your interest. it’s a genuine, eager curiosity that he can’t help but consider endearing.

the two of you are always searching for new things, be it small islands in the horizon or neat little specialties that you manage to catch in the corner of your eye. there’s never a dull moment when the two of you get going on ideas, and while you may be the more rational, beidou will always insist on adding some more “zest” into whatever you come up with. if you push her, she might accidentally shove you off the boat with the playful enthusiasm of a golden retriever.

Hiya~! Thank you both for doing this! For the character match-up, I'd like to request two (2) Romantic please lmao, with a side of French fries.

I'm an INFP, Libra sun/Scorpio moon. My external personality might lead ppl to think I'm a charismatic extrovert, but that's the face I show for the 5 whole minutes I'm socializing, and then return to my introvert turtle shell for the next week. I cycle through hobbies since I get bored quickly, but I always come back to music since singing is my passion. I know for sure my Vision would be Anemo bc I need to be free to feel comfortable and tend to react rather aggressively when I feel restrained 🤔

I'm deeply emotional, sometimes impulsive, and dislike relying on others. I tend to be cat-like in my affections... sometimes I Love, other times Do Not Want. Except for animals, they always get my love ❤ ehehe....

romantic match-ups: mona and kaeya.

mona considers your nature incredibly easy to grasp. but don’t take it as an insult or offense – in fact, your simplicity is a constant in mona’s life: you like time to yourself, and when you’re alone is when your energy comes out. she doesn’t have to worry about reading too much into your feelings when she can see that you’re independent. your interactions are calm and reassuring; she doesn’t have to be uptight around you, because she knows you trust in her abilities and lifestyle, and security with herself and those she cares about is her top priority.

kaeya’s able to relate to your social tendencies. there’s a front that he puts up in front of his colleagues (purely for professional purposes) before reverting back to his natural state of mind. he finds your distance understandable, and considers it something the two of you have in common. when you talk one-on-one, it’s easy to bounce ideas off of each other about mondstadtian culture and other topics of interest; while your independent natures may lead to some time apart, there will always be fresh experiences waiting when you do meet again.

#matchup reqs

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inkjackets · 3 years

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30 Questions About Me

thanks for tagging me @apopcornkernel and @authenticcadence18!!!

Name: clare

Gender: cis female

Star sign: virgo

Height: 168cm (5′6″)

Time: 9:40pm

Birthday: 8th september

Fave band/group: hmm i don’t really have favs but recently i’ve been listening to a lot of Oh Wonder and ANIMA!

Fave solo artists: again no real favs but right now i’m loving dodie and mxmtoon

Song stuck in my head: ah now i’ve mentioned mxmtoon i’ve got ‘no faker’ stuck in my head haha

Last movie: uhhhh either the muppets christmas carol or the greatest showman, can’t remember which was last, but im literally about to watch the live action mulan for reasons

Last show: Normal People

When did I create this blog: uhhhh hold up lemme check... April 2016! ugh i’ve been in this fandom too long aha

What do I post: mostly ml reblogs and stuff but i write and post fics too! (especially over the last year, i think i wrote more last year than the previous three years combined lmao) i also post the odd bit of art :)

Last thing I googled: uh how to work out averages in excel haha (i’m trying to track my writing progress this year)

Other blogs: @inkjackets-original!! this is a blog for my original short stories and pieces of flash fiction :D

Do I get asks: yeah sometimes! especially when I reblog ask games or ask for fic requests, i’ll always get a couple <3

Why I chose this url: so back in the year 2016 i fell stupidly hard into a stupid show called Miraculous Ladybug and through it i discovered FANFICTION (i’d like obvs heard of it before, but never engaged with it) and anyway after a while reading amazing fics i discovered to my horror/delight that i wanted to WRITE IT TOO sooooo i decided to create a tumblr! and since this was intended to be a sort of writing blog i wanted to come up with a writing/book related username and came up with inkjackets – after all books are just pages of ink wrapped in dust jackets! (though like i said before until last year i never actually did much writing lol)

Following: 802

Followers: 415 <3

Average amount of sleep: anywhere between 6-10, it changes daily

Lucky number: i don’t really have one? i usually just say 7. or 13 if i’m feeling controversial hahaha

Instruments: i don’t really play anything :( but i like to sing! i’m nothing special but i’ve always been a part of school choirs and stuff :)

What I’m wearing: thick long-sleeved stripy top and dungarees

Dream job: ah a question i still hate at the age of 25 (: i seriously have no idea!! part of me wants to be an author and have a chill time writing in the countryside all day, but i also love being outdoors and would love to continue being an activity instructor doing fun and adventurous things forever, but then i also want to get a fancy job in the city running around being busy and important!! i just want to do a bit of everything you know?

Dream trip: i’d love to do rural asia, especially china, to see all the cool mountains and beautiful scenery they have there

Fave food: noodlesssss!! give me any sort of asian noodle dish and i’ll love you forever

Nationality: British and Australian

Fave songs: hmm some songs i never get bored of are ‘Boys Like You’ by dodie, ‘Who We Are’ by Imagine Dragons and ‘Blood’ by ANIMA!. right now i’m also obsessed with ‘Undertow’ by Lisa Hannigan (who, fun fact, voices blue diamond in su!)

(bonus song: i’ve also been listening to ‘walk but in a garden’ by mxmtoon so much recently cause it gives such good lockdown chill vibes)

Last book I read: Children of Time by Adrian Tchaivosky, a really really well done (if kinda unsettling) sci-fi novel, but ngl i want to talk about the book i read before that which is An Absolutely Remarkable Thing (and its sequel) by Hank Green which was FANTASTIC like hands down one of the best books i’ve read in a long time and if you’re looking for something fun and easy while also tackling serious real world problems (like the dangers of social media) then i HIGHLY recommend it, like honestly even if that’s not something you’re looking just go read it anyway!!!

Top 3 fictional universes I’d love to live in: 1. Harry Potter. kinda goes without saying haha, i want to be able to do magic 2. ATLA, (like only if i’m a bender tho lol) 3. hmm Chronicles of Ancient Darkness. It was one of my fav serious as a kid and I always longed to live in that sort of intelligent pre-historic age, and the world michelle paver creates feels so damn realistic, and i just feel like i’d thrive in that sort of world, tbh (i think the adhd would help lmao)

thank you so much for tagging me!! that was loads of fun ^^ i’m not gonna tag anyone but if you want to do this game go ahead and tag me in it!!

#tag game #30 questions about me #about me #don't mind me rambling #long post

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secotm · 4 years

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Consider this defunct

Huh. It’s only been a month since I posted anything here. Feels longer.

I’m not going to delete this blog, but to the humans among the 1,700+ followers I have I will say thank you, but... don’t expect this place to come alive again anytime soon.

I find it pointless, to be blunt. For one, I don’t pay close attention to anything on Tumblr. I have an RSS reader I check maybe once a week, so I’ll see posts from A Good Cartoon or Grading Gorrell, but this site hasn’t been on my radar in years.

More to the point, it gets tiresome reiterating the same general points again and again. Especially as things have gotten worse while the media at large tries to act as if this is all normal.

The acquittal of Trump earlier this week should, to any reasonable person, cast aside once and for all the idea of the moderate Republican who will stand up to the threat of fascism. Mitt Romney’s one vote aside, the party has embraced not simply its status as a cult of personality around Trump, but around all the worst impulses Trump represents, such as a disregard for the rule of the law and an embrace of authoritarianism (I don’t see any Republicans racing to condemn Trump firing in retribution the people who had acted against him). And they have done this while enabled by a media that is dedicated to normalizing everything that happens in order to maintain a ‘both-sides’ narrative that the two major parties are of equal partisanship and demeanor.

As that relates to this blog and its mission statement, the world of editorial cartooning over the past four years has seen an almost impressive stagnation. I mean that, it must have taken legitimate effort to remain as milquetoast and nonpartisan as you were during the Bill Clinton administration in an era where one of the more significant long-term stories has been white supremacist organizations being emboldened by the president’s own rhetoric. To look at an administration putting kids in cages and instead bemoan the ‘divisiveness’ of our country requires a god-level amount of blinding privilege.

This is all referring to the middle-of-the-road, neither truly liberal or conservative cartoonists, to be clear. Conservatives cartoonists like Lisa Benson and Michael Ramirez and Steve Kelley and Gary Varvel, they’ve gone all in on Trump. He’s their guy, and everything he says or does they will defend.

A couple, like Scott Stantis and Ken Catalino, have actually been critical of Trump. For what that’s worth. Personally I see them as Romney-esque; they’re still right-wing, but Trump goes too far for them. At least they have limits, though.

On the left, I have to give respect to Clay Jones and Rob Rogers for actually stepping up in these times. I can’t rightly say I remember too much about their work pre-Trump (cue jokes about how that era feels centuries ago), but Jones has done brilliant work and Rogers lost his job rather than soften or abandon his anti-Trump stance. And it’s not just ‘make fun of the guy in power’ opposition; they’ve highlighted the worst facets of Trump and his followers, especially the racism.

But there’s only so many times I can take a cartoon that tries to draw the false equivalency, or worse tries to go harder on the Left than the Right because the media is afraid of conservatives, and either complain or try to put a wry spin on it. I’ve developed a contempt for certain criminally non-partisan cartoonists such as Dave Granlund, but even spotlighting or managing a running catalog of their worthlessness as commentators (or in the case of Granlund, who I’m convinced copy and pastes his own caricatures as much as Gorrell does, as an artist) feels like too much effort for how little attention they deserve.

Because even when I’m not posting regularly here I am still looking at dozens of cartoons a day. I have a subscription to a comics service that includes a number of editorial cartoonists, and I follow an RSS feed of Daryl Cagle’s aggregator. I haven’t posted even one percent of all the right-wing shit I’ve seen over the better part of the decade that I’ve been running this place, and while it’s true that so much of it passes in front of my eyeballs and is immediately forgotten, it still adds up.

How many cartoons infantalizing Nancy Pelosi for ripping up Trump’s speech did I see? For that matter, how many trying to use that empty gesture as equivalent to all the shit Trump has done and therefore blame both sides for the division in American did I see? A week from now we’ll all have forgotten about that moment, but that cycle has been repeated so many times. Something visual or easy to analogize happens, and every cartoonist rushes to put out something referencing it, but not saying anything of substance about it.

It’s tiresome. And I don’t have anything to say about that incident that I haven’t said before with other things we’ve all forgotten about.

As I said above, I don’t think most of these cartoonists deserve attention. Given the laziness of Gorrell or Granlund, given the shameless slavish devotion of Benson, Kelley, Ramirez, et al, why should I or anyone waste even a few precious seconds to ingest their work?

I may be a bastard for saying this, but I like the thought that if the newspaper industry is going to continue to die off, then more and more people are going to lose jobs they don’t deserve. The state of editorial cartooning today can not be completely summed up by the stagnation of the careerists who have been syndicated for decades while recycling the same trite observations and hackneyed premises; The Nib has been working to create its own renaissance, with both single-panel topical pieces that actually say something and long-form comic journalism. And there are, as I mentioned above, cartoonists who care to speak truth to power in their own way. I don’t want to see, say, Clay Bennett or Darrin Bell hang up their pen for good. But if the medium is going to make it through the entirety of the Trump administration while still pretending that a man and a woman sitting on a sofa, watching TV and one says ‘They should put a Surgeon General’s warning on the evening news’ is somehow acceptable work for a grown adult whose job is to comment on current events, then don’t expect me to mourn.

Don’t expect me to feel anything. I do have a sincere appreciation for the craft of editorial cartooning. I wouldn’t have started this blog if I didn’t care on some level; shitting on someone’s work just for the sake of shitting on them has never been my idea of fun. That love has been tested, and, yes, beaten down and dried up over the past decade. But it still remains.

Just not enough that I can get worked up enough to want to comment on anything I see. For a long time I haven’t really cared about what I do here. So many posts have been done out of a sense of obligation. ‘I should post something just to keep this place alive.’

But now I don’t even care about that, so...

Thanks to those of you who have engaged with me, but I’m stepping away.

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lisalowefanclub · 3 years

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Multiplicity and what identification and representation means to Us

Madeline: I don’t remember there being many cool, attractive, and overall desirable but not fetishized (bye yellow fever) representations of Asian people in mainstream media while I was growing up in the early 2000s. The Asian media I did consume was introduced to me by my dad, so you can imagine the kind of outdated and endearingly weird characters I was exposed to as a kid. Think blind Japanese swordsman Zatoichi or humanoid child robot Astro Boy, both of which originated in Japan around the 60s. As for celebrities, I occasionally heard people talking about Lucy Liu or Jackie Chan, but only as defined by their stereotypical Asian-ness. My point is that this kind of cultural consumption fell into one of two categories: that of obscurity, which suggests that cultural objects are created by Asians for Asians (bringing to mind labels like “Weeb” for Western people who love anime), or that of hypervisibility grounded in stereotypical exoticism. You’d be hard pressed to find a film that passes the Asian Bechdel test.I didn’t discover K-pop until coming to college when I became curious about who my white friends were fawning over all the time. Since then, it’s been really neat to see how K-pop has become popularized as one of the many facets of America’s mainstream music and celebrity culture, especially when artists write and perform songs in Korean despite the majority of their audience lacking Korean language fluency. This suggests that something about the music is able to transcend language barriers and connect people despite their differences. Today it’s not uncommon to see Korean artists topping Billboard’s hot 100 hits, being interviewed on SNL, winning American music awards, gracing the cover of Teen Vogue, or being selected as the next brand ambassador for Western makeup brands like M.A.C. If you were to ask your average high school or college student if they know Blackpink, BTS, or EXO, they would probably be familiar with one of the groups whether or not they identify as Asian.What does this mean, then, for young Asian-Americans to grow up during a time when Asian celebrities are thought to be just as desirable as people like Timothée Chalamet, Zendaya, or Michael B. Jordan? What does it mean to see an Asian person named “Sexiest International Man Alive”, beating out long-time favorite European celebs? What does it mean for popularity to exist outside of the realm of the racialized minority and for it to build connections across minority cultures? Of course, fame can be toxic and horrible-- it is, at times superficial, materialistic, gendered, fetishized, and absolutely hyper-sexualized-- but I for one think it’s pretty damn cool to see people who look like me featured in mainstream American culture.I’ve found that throughout the semester, my understanding of Asian presence in America (American citizen or otherwise) has been deeply shaped by our discussions of identity politics and marginalization, another class I’m taking on intergenerational trauma, and my own identity as a Laotian-American woman. Recently, I’ve been thinking a lot about the similarities between American proxy wars in Korea (The Forgotten War) and Laos (The Secret War), both of which involved US bombing of citizens in the name of halting communism. Taking this class has challenged me to reconceptualize how we make sense of mass atrocity in relation to a pan-Asian identity, especially when contending with how trauma and violence can act as a mechanism for cultural production, and I look forward to exploring this more in my thesis.

Cyndi: K-pop is always just the beginning. Enough in and of itself, any interest in the genre at all reinvigorates the consumer to become more engaged with the world in which it exists. Two years ago, I got into a big, but in hindsight pretty silly, argument with my mom when I started going to a Korean hair salon (because of my K-pop delulus / Jennie prints) instead of seeing Maggie, our Vietnamese hairdresser who I can usually only see twice a year on our bi-annual visits to California to visit extended family. My mom told me the Koreans don’t need our money, they are already richer than we will ever be. Who are ‘the Koreans’? Who is ‘we’?? Is every person of Korean descent doing better than every person of Vietnamese descent in America? And #why is my mom being A Hater? Surely, sharing our identity as ‘perpetual guests’ in America should create some sort of solidarity, or at least, allow for transitory economic collaboration??? I give my money to white people all the time: to McDonald’s (Cookie Totes), to Target, to Swarthmore College.

K-pop cannot be the end. As much as I enjoy the music, the show, and the celebrities, I also know in my heart that the current international interest in K-pop will not last. As an almost perfect and perplexing exemplification of modern global capitalism, the industry will over-expand and thus wear itself out. I always see the subtle disappointment on my language teachers’ faces when they ask me how I came to take interest in Korean, and I have to answer ‘K-pop’, because that is the truth; that is not where I am at now, but it will always be how I began. It has become clear to me that this disappointment is not just a generational difference. Maybe these old people are jealous of pop stars like how I also have to question whether I am secure in myself when I see a 14 year old accomplishing things I as a 21 year old could never accomplish in my long life. I am coming to understand that part of their reaction comes from the fact that there is a fine line between cultural appreciation and cultural appropriation, that pop culture is ephemeral, but they have lived their lives as entirely theirs. Casual or even consuming interest for the parts of culture that are bright, and clean, and easy cannot ever stand in for true racial empathy, though it is where many of us start. Identity in K-pop is merely another marketing technique, but to the community of fans and lovers, it is something that is real, lived, and embodied. I find that looking at K-pop always brings forth my most salient identities in terms of gender, race, and sexuality. As much as female group members express affection and jokingly portray romantic interest toward one another, would it ever be accepted if these jokes were no longer jokes, but lived realities? Even if the K-pop industry itself did not seek to produce fan communities of this magnitude, these communities that have been founded in response to it are here to stay. Lowe argues that “to the extent that Asian American culture dynamically expands to include both internal critical dialogues about difference and the interrogation of dominant interpellations” it can “be a site in which horizontal affiliations with other groups can be imagined and realized” (71). A recent striking example is Thai fans’ demand to hear from Lisa on the protests -- a primarily youth-led movement against the government monarchy--going on in Thailand. Although she is, of course, censored and silenced on this topic, the expectation is still there; fans are holding their idols to a standard of political responsibility.

Jimmy: I haven’t really paid much attention to K-pop until working on this project. Sure, my cousins would do anything to go see BTS perform in person, but I didn’t care so much. Or maybe, I was just not saturated with the cultural zeitgeist. Whereas they live in the center of a cosmopolitan city which imports and exports, my hometown hums white noise. Increasingly, though, K-pop has entered into my life and the wider American cultural space. Now, K-pop tops the charts and is featured on late-night talk shows. Whether or not you are a devout follower, you have probably encountered K-pop in some form. It was not until I went to Swarthmore that I have “become” Asian American. Back home, my friends are primarily either white or Vietnamese-American. And even though I did recognize that I had an “Asian” racial identity mapped onto me, I did not consider it to be based on any politics. After engaging with and working within Organizing to Redefine “Asian” Activism (ORAA) on campus, as well as taking this course, I have a better grasp of what it means to rally around an Asian American identity. It is a way to organize and resist. Reflecting on my political evolution, I feel comforted and alienated by the cultural weight of K-pop in America. It is amazing to see the gravity of cultural production shift away from the West. And to have global celebrities from Asia is great. Yet, K-pop is limited as a platform for Asian Americans to create identity. What are the consequences when mainstream ideas about contemporary “Asian” culture are still perpetually foreign from America? Is Asian American community just built around transnational cultural objects like K-pop and bubble tea? Does the economic and cultural capital of K-pop held by its idols obscure or erase the heterogeneity and multiplicity of Asian Americans?

Jason: The first time I heard K-Pop was when Gangnam Style came on during a middle school social event when everyone is standing in their social circles doing their best not to be awkward when teacher chaperones are constantly staring at the back of your head seeing if any wrongdoing would occur. At that time, I could never imagine the K-Pop revolution that would occur within the American music industry. Anytime I turn on the radio it is only a matter of time until a BTS song will start being blasted from the speakers. It is crazy to think that K-Pop has become so widespread within American popular culture that mainstream radio stations in Massachusetts are so willing to play K-Pop, even the billboards of 104.1 “Boston’s Best Variety” are plastered with BTS, because they know that is what their audience wants. Eight years ago, during that middle school social Gangnam Style was more about being able to do the dance that accompanied the song rather than the song itself. This has completely changed as more and more people are finding themselves becoming devout supporters of K-Pop. This class and project have continuously been pushing me out of my comfort zone by engaging in literature that I would never have read and discussions that I would never have imagined participating in. I have even listened to more K-Pop over the past couple of weeks than I had ever before in my life. I was impressed by myself when a song by BLACKPINK came on and the radio host said here’s some new music that I knew that the song was from their first album that came out around a month ago. I am grateful that I have been pushed out of my comfort zone and “forced (by having to actually do the homework)” to engage in the material of the class. Who knows how long this K-Pop fascination will last in American popular culture, but I am glad that I could be a part of it rather than letting it pass me by and staying within my comfortable music sphere of country, pop, and British rap.

#multiplicity #cyndi #jason #jimmy #madeline

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fluffy-marshmallow-heart · 4 years

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20 Seconds of Courage -Part 20

The Elementalists au

Beckett x mc (Oriana)

Words: 3183

Warnings: Sensitive topics such as death, rape, drugs.

Series Master List

Complete Master List

There's probably just going to be one more chapter to this series.

As soon as Beckett got home and realized Oriana was nowhere to be found, he called the police. “What do you mean, there’s nothing you can do?” He demanded. “She’s missing!!”

“Sir, I understand your frustration, however, she’s not considered a missing person until there’s been no contact for 48 hours. Being gone for only a few hours means she could have turned off her phone and gone shopping.”

“No!” He shouted angrily. “She wouldn’t do that, you need to do something!!”

“You may come down to your local precinct and meet with a detective there, however, they will tell you the same thing. But at least you can start the process.” The police officer on the phone told him.

Beckett hung up, seeing red. He called the Detective he’d spoken to about Katrina while he was in the hospital with Oriana.

“You’ve reached the voicemail of Detective Blanc. Please leave a detailed message and I will call you as soon as I am able.”

“This is Beckett Harrington, we met the other day at the hospital. Oriana Miller is missing; call me back!”

He was furious and didn’t know where else to turn. No one had seen her since she left the office. It was like she vanished into thin air, and he had the worst feeling in the pit of his stomach. He knew that if he didn’t find her soon, she’d be gone forever, and he couldn’t accept that fate. He couldn’t let Jason win after all this time, let him take another person he loved away from him. He wouldn’t survive it. He wouldn’t even want to. It took him three years to finally open up to someone…and now his past was coming back to haunt him, as if it didn’t enough already. And this time, he didn’t have a clue where to start. He sank down on his couch and buried his face in his hands. It’s all his fault. If he’d never met her, she wouldn’t be in danger right now. If he’d never pursued her, she’d be living out her life in safety. He knows he needs to get up, needs to do something, anything…but he’s frozen in place, terror coursing through his veins. He was completely helpless for the first time in his life, and the more he thought about how he needed to find her, the more his body seemed to be shutting down. He was paralyzed in fear.

Oriana looked Michael square in the eye as he rose his gun back up and put his finger on the trigger.

“Goodbye Oriana.”

She squeezed her eyes shut and let out a scream as the gunshot rang out, the house falling still as a candle fell over and lit the curtains on fire. But she was still aware of everything. She wasn’t in pain. After a brief moment of silence, there were suddenly voices sounding from everywhere all at once. She peeked out of one eye before the other flew open and she gasped as she took in the sight before her. There were at least a dozen armed police bursting into the room. One was putting out the fire, three were tending to Michael, who lay motionless on the floor, and now several more were heading towards her.

“Ma’am? Ma’am, are you alright? Can you tell me your name?” One of them was speaking to her as another took Jason’s pulse, shaking his head to yet another man when he found none. Together, they rolled Jason off of her. She felt like she couldn’t talk. Where did all these people come from? Where was Beckett? Surely he’s the one that managed to find her…he always finds her.

“Wh-where’s Beckett? Is he okay?”

“Sorry, Ma’am, I don’t know who that is. I’m Officer McMillan. Can you tell me your name? Do you know how you got here?”

He began untying her carefully, starting with her hands, and then she untied one leg as he did the other. She kept looking around the room, and the office spoke into his radio. “How many ambulances are on their way?”

His radio beeped and a voice crackled through. “One is pulling up on scene, two more are en-route, eta ten minutes.

“Thanks.” He turned back to her, helping to her feet. “Come with me. There’s an ambulance downstairs.”

As they moved across the room, Oriana’s eyes landed on Michael again. His skin was ashen, and his chest had a bullet wound. His gun had already been picked up and placed in an evidence bag. The officer kept trying to get her to speak, but she couldn’t help but continue to look at everything around her. She was in an old decrepit house, where the wallpaper was peeling, and floorboards creaking. It was cold and drafty, and the stairs were missing half of the railing. Once downstairs she could tell that at some point this must have been a grand house. The ceilings were high, the floors, although stained, were hardwood, the trimming looked to be mahogany. But at some point, someone had stopped caring for it, and if fell into dilapidation. Finally being ushered out the front door, Oriana gaped at the dozens of cars pulled into a long driveway and all over the grass, with more coming.

A moment later, two paramedics rushed to her side with a stretcher, one of them wrapped a blanket around her shoulders. “Name?”

“She hasn’t given one yet.”

“O…Oriana Miller. My name is Oriana Miller.” She told them quietly. “Where’s Beckett?”

“She keeps asking for someone named Beckett. We’re not sure who he is or his relation to the crime yet.”

“What? He has nothing to do with this!” Oriana shrieked. “Didn’t he send you??”

“Ms. Miller, we’re going to put you on this stretcher and take you to the hospital. There’s a lot of blood, where were you hurt?”

“I…I wasn’t…um…a couple scratches…”

“The majority is not her blood.” Officer McMillan explained.

As she laid onto the stretcher, she looked back at the cop. “How did you find me? How did you get here?”

“An officer is going to meet you at the hospital to take your statement and answer any questions you have.”

“But…”

Officer McMillan was already striding away, and Oriana cursed under her breath as the stretcher was loaded into the ambulance. The EMTs were nice enough, taking all her vitals and bandaging up the cuts Jason had made with his knife. But she refused to answer any questions without getting some answers herself. After what seemed like an eternity, they finally pulled into a hospital and she was steered into the Emergency Department. As Oriana was moved from the gurney onto a bed, she recognized the policewoman walking towards her as one of the ones that she met with the last time she was in the hospital.

Detective Blanc smiled sadly at her. “Oriana, I’m so sorry to meet again under these circumstances.”

“Please. Tell me what is going on.” Oriana begged.

The woman pulled up a chair next to her bed. “I was told to come here and take someone’s statement, I just found out it was you. Before we get started…I have several voicemails from Mr. Harrington. Is it okay with you if I tell him where you are right now?”

“Yes! Please!” She cried.

The officer nodded and pulled her phone out, dialing Beckett’s number. “Mr. Harrington, this is Detective Blanc. We’ve located Ms. Miller.”

Oriana made a grab for her phone. “Beck?? I’m okay. I’m at the hospital, please hurry!” She breathed a sigh of relief when Beckett’s voice sounded through the other end of the receiver.

“Thank God. I’m on my way.”

She handed the phone back to the Detective. “I’m sorry. I probably shouldn’t have done that.”

The woman smiled. “Under the circumstances I’ll allow it. Try it again, however, you’ll be in trouble.”

“Worth it.” Oriana grinned. “Please, tell me what happened. I mean…I know what happened…but how did the police know to go there?”

“Jason Mulvaney has been under investigation for several months. A few days ago, after Mr. Harrington told us about his sister’s death, he provided us with the bracelet, along with other materials he had gathered over the years. Bank statements, text messages, phone recordings, maps. The amount of research he put in is really quite impressive. You’re aware Jason was recently engaged and fathering a child with a woman named Lisa?”

Oriana nodded.

“Lisa’s family is extremely well off. In fact, there’s a lot of similarities between them and the Harrington’s. Her father thought Mr. Mulvaney was after Lisa’s money, and he hired a private investigator, without telling anyone. The investigator unearthed a large number of suspicious activity, and when cross-referenced with disappearances and deaths in the locations he’s be in…a pattern developed. It was well-hidden, he did a good job covering his tracks. The investigator was tailing him today. He saw Jason arrive at the old mansion on Dewey, unload what looked to be bedding, and go inside. A couple hours later, Michael arrived and also went inside. About an hour after that, Michael went back out and removed a body from the trunk of his car. That body turned out to be you, unconscious. The private investigator was using high-tech equipment and recorded every word that was said inside that house. He immediately phoned the police.”

“But I…I thought I was there a long time.” Oriana puzzled.

“Right now the thought is, Jason set up his idea of a beautiful murder scene while Michael grabbed you off the street. Exactly how we’re not sure yet’ we’re hoping the doctors can determine if you were given anything. Do you remember anything about how you got there?”

Oriana shook her head. “I don’t. I remember leaving my office after quitting my job, I went outside…I think maybe I flagged a car? I…I’m not sure.”

“That’s okay. At least you didn’t lose your memory of the entire day.”

“Or more.” Oriana muttered.

“Ori!”

Her snapped over to see Beckett running full speed towards her, dodging anyone that came in his path. “Ori thank god!!!”

Her eyes welled up with tears that spilled over, yet she couldn’t stop grinning at seeing him. He dashed to her side, climbed next to her in the bed and wrapped her in his arms tightly.

“I was so worried.” He cried. “I knew it, I knew he had you.” He took in her blood-stained slip, his face turning pale. “Are you hurt? I’ll kill him! Why isn’t anyone tending to your wounds yet?” He looked at the Detective. “What happened? Where is he?”

The woman rose her eyebrows. “First, the blood on Ms. Miller’s clothing is not hers. Second, Mr. Harrington, threatening someone’s life is a serious offense. I could take you into custody right now, except…”

“Except he’s already dead.” Oriana finished. “Michael shot him.”

Beckett gasped. “Mi-Michael? From Adams?”

At that moment a doctor arrived, greeting the three of them warmly. “I need to take Ms. Miller to get some tests done, but I promise she’ll be back in no time.”

“Can he come with me?” Oriana asked in a small voice.

The doctor nodded. “He can, yes, but he’ll need to wait outside the couple of rooms you’ll be going in, for security, safety, and sanitation purposes.”

“Anything. As long as she’s not alone.” Beckett said quickly. “I’ll go wherever you tell me.”

“I’m so sorry to interrupt, but I’m afraid I need to bag her clothes as evidence. And I need to be present to record any hidden wounds and treatment.” Detective Blanc told the doctor. “May she be given a gown to change into?”

“Of course, just one moment.”

The doctor left, returning just a minute later with a gown. “If you both want to accompany me, she can change when she reaches the lab.”

“Perfect.” The detective told him.

“Very well. Let’s go.”

Beckett stood up from the bed as rails were put up so it could be rolled away. He couldn’t believe the amount of blood she was covered in. What happened? What has she been through? Even if she’s physically fine…mentally she may not be.

Arriving at their first stop, he waited outside the door while Oriana and the policewoman went inside with the doctor. An hour later they came back out, the stained slip in a bag held by the detective, and Oriana now in a clean hospital gown. “What did you test for?” He demanded. “What kind of bloodwork takes an hour?”

“Ms. Miller can tell you later if she prefers. Legally, I cannot.” The doctor informed. “We’re going to take her for an MRI in case there’s any head trauma., and then we’ll move her back into her room as we wait for the results. Depending on what those results are, she’ll be released or admitted.”

The air whooshed out of his lungs and he felt faint. The police officer caught his arm. “This is going to take awhile. Are you sure you want to come? You might be more comfortable somewhere else?”

“No.” He said flatly.

“I don’t want him to leave.” Oriana agreed; Beckett shooting her a grateful look.

As Oriana was wheeled away again, this time to a cold room with a large machine inside, Beckett followed behind while talking to Detective Blanc, who informed him of the events of the night.

“I don’t know the complete details, but she’s been through quite an ordeal. But, thanks to your previous research, as well as the research the private investigator did, as well as the recordings he took…Mr. Mulvaney confessed to your sister’s death before he met his demise. I keep getting more snippets of information throughout my time here tonight, but for a full account…I still need to take Oriana’s statement. We’ll be going to a private room after her MRI, where can take down the events of tonight while we wait for her test results. You are more than welcome to sit in, however, she will need to grant that permission.”

“Whatever she wants.” Beckett whispered.

The detective looked at him sympathetically. “Beckett…whatever happened tonight…there are unsolved cases going back years that may be related to the men who took Oriana today. It’s going to take time to sort through, but we’ll get there.”

Beckett sank down onto a chair. “I can’t believe this. This only happened to her because she’s involved with me.”

“No, that’s where you’re wrong. It’s been recorded multiple times that she was used as a decoy. Which means she was targeted long before you came to town. For what it’s worth…you being involved with her probably saved her life on more than one occasion. Also, she’s only been asking for you.”

Beckett stared at the woman in shock as she joined Oriana inside the room. He ran his fingers through his hair, taking deep breaths, trying to calm himself down. After what seemed like an eternity, everyone came back out. Oriana grinned seeing him again, reaching for his hand. He took it immediately, walking alongside her bed as it was wheeled to another part of the hospital and into a private room. As Detective Blanc took her statement, Beckett listened in horror at everything that had transpired while he couldn’t find her. She broke down several times, wracked with sobs, and his heart broke for her. When she finally finished, she signed the affidavit.

“I’ll give you a few minutes.” The detective told them, exiting the room.

“Oriana…” Beckett breathed. “What you’ve been through during these past few months…I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”

Her eyes still glistening, she pulled him into the bed with her, burying herself into him. “I’m okay.”

“You don’t have to lie to me.” He murmured. “Being drugged was trauma enough…Ori…someone was murdered right in front of you. On top of you. That’s not simply okay.”

She let out a watery chuckle. “Physically I’m okay. Mentally…I’m going to need help. And patience while I get it. You’re right…in that sense…I’m not okay. And I don’t know when I will be.”

“What can I do?”

She looked up into his eyes. “I want to leave.”

His face fell. “I know, sweetheart. And as soon as the doctor comes back…”

“No, you misunderstand. I want to leave. I don’t want to live here anymore. I want to move far away from here, where no one knows me.”

Beckett felt shattered. “I…I can arrange for your transportation and get you set up wherever you want.”

She furrowed her eyebrows. “Aren’t you going to come?”

“You…you still want to be with me? After all of this? Ori…”

“I love you, Beckett. Please don’t leave me.”

He gave her an incredulous look. “Ori, I am yours for as long as you want me. I’ll do anything, give you anything…we can move to an entirely different continent if you want to.”

He kissed her gently, savoring every second of it, until a knock came at the door, and the doctor came back in.

“Ms. Miller, I have your test results. I have already been over them with the police.” He looked pointedly at Beckett.

“Please just tell me. I’ll sign a form if you need me to so you can say it in front of him.”

Beckett gave her a squeeze.

“Very well. You were given chloroform, that’s how they were able to subdue you, and why you had a splitting headache when you woke. There are no other drugs in your system. The initial results of the rape kit are negative, and the MRI showed no signs of head trauma. We’re going to be releasing you, as long as you’re okay with that.”

Beckett stiffened at the word ‘rape’, while Oriana nodded to bring the release forms. The doctor left again, closing the door behind him.

“Ori, you didn’t mention that you were…”

“I wasn’t raped. I…I almost was. Twice.” She whispered. “But, since I was unconscious as well, I guess it’s standard protocol to run a rape kit. Because it…it could have happened when…” She broke off, tears filling up her eyes again. “Can we just go home, please? I want to go home.”

“Home it is. When everything is over, Ori, just pick a place anywhere in the world, and we’ll go. I swear it.”

“I’m so sorry about your sister. You were right the whole time.” She sobbed.

“Hey, Ori, look at me.” He placed a finger under her chin and lifted her head to meet her gaze. “I will always miss my sister. But I don’t have to miss you. And I am so incredibly grateful for that. I love you more than I can ever tell you. When Katrina died…I died right along with her. You brought me back to life, Oriana. And I can’t thank you enough. And if she were here…she would be absolutely crazy about you, just like I am. I told you I saw the world when I looked at you. I just didn’t realize at the time…that you are my world.”

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aleapoffaithfiction · 4 years

Text

XVI.

"You will manage to keep a woman in love with you, only for as long as you can keep her in love with the person she becomes when she is with you." C. JoyBell

Rockin' around the Christmas tree, let the Christmas spirit ring. Later we'll have some pumpkin pie, and we'll do some caroling…

Naturally, my own vocals lightly meshed in with those of Brenda Lee while my head bopped back and forth to the infectious Christmas tune as it blared from the Beats Pill, I gifted to my mother a couple of months ago. To take advantage of the majority of my weight being pressed against the kitchen island, I slowly flexed my toes and extended my aches in an effort to minimize the throbbing in my feet. Short hisses turned into a deep sigh of bliss but unfortunately it was short lived once I grasped a knife in my hand again.

“Pass me two stalks of celery out of that bag, please.” My precise instructions were pointless. With her eyes intently focused on the phone in front of her, Celeste aloofly tossed the plastic bag in my direction as if I were a nuisance interrupting the ridiculous number of hours she spends interacting on Facebook. If anything, I avoid it, because once you reach a certain age, Facebook is nothing more than a scroll fest filled with engagement and pregnancy announcements, weddings and post-birth pictures, garbage hot takes from people about the most trivial of topics, and finally older relatives who have nothing better to do other than to be in everyone’s business, including yours.

“Shouldn’t you be doing something?” If she’s not going to be in the kitchen either helping me or doing something of her own, then the better choice would be for her to exit. She hasn’t been much company because we’re barely spoken since she arrived and I’d rather not be distracted by her sitting there in a trance with a phone in her hand like a mindless teen.

“Not really. You always do Christmas Eve, I do Christmas breakfast, and mommy does Christmas dinner. Don’t act brand new now.”

“I’m not acting brand new. I just see no point in you being in here.” Celeste does Christmas breakfast because it’s the easiest task to handle and I don’t have much of a problem pushing her dry ass pancakes around on a plate in anticipation for dinner later on the evening.

“For someone who claims to be so demure in the manner that you carry yourself, I’m super confused about why you have streams of diamonds glistening and circling around your neck.”

“What?” Thoughtlessly, I stretched my unoccupied hand up to the exposed skin and lightly brushed my fingers over nearly sixty carats of brilliant round cut diamonds that do not belong to me.

The manner in which O layers his many necklaces always grabs my attention and it’s something about the showiness in the midst of the simplicity of them that I continue to compliment whenever I see him donning them. This morning, for whatever reason, he randomly placed two of them around my neck as I stood in the mirror attempting to figure out just how festive my attire would be for today. Once I’d gotten past three unwarranted outfit changes, I found myself admiring the jewelry as it glimmered in the natural lighting cascading into his master bedroom beyond the curtains. I’d forgotten to remove them.

“They’re not real. It’s just costume jewelry.”

“They look pretty damn real to me.”

“Well, they’re not. There’s this new spot that opened up over on West 47th Street. I grabbed them in there. I just thought they looked cute and they reminded me of something Lil’ Kim wore one time. You know Kimberly Denise Jones is one of my spirit animals. They’re not something you wear everyday but it’s the holidays and I’m on vacation until after the New Year, so why not? I’m glad they look real though. That just means they were well made.”

“You seem to have a million alter egos. One minute you’re Florence Joyner, the next minute you’re Lil’ Kim, on another day you’re Angela Bassett, and then you’re Michelle Obama. We can’t forget you being the Oprah of sports journalism, oh and there’s Rihanna and Beyonce, who else?”

“Phylicia Rashard, Eartha Kitt, Regina King, Janet Jackson, Cari Champion, Lisa Salters, Pam Oliver, Jemele Hill. And I’ve never considered any of those women to be my alter egos. They’re women that I admire due to their drive, success, and character. I’ve taken bits and pieces from all of their careers and used them as lessons for my own. What you’ve mistaken is me saying that Lil Kim, Rihanna, and Tracee Ellis Ross are my style icons. Oh, and Mary J. Blige is my boot icon.” I think all women have a mood board of aspirations and inspirations. It doesn’t always have to be specific people. A portion of mine just so happens to contains who I believe are some of the greatest black women of the past and current generation. They’re not alter egos who I attempt to mimic but rather stories of triumph that keep me driven.

“What’s up with you and Kyle? Why are you interested?” I nearly cut into the flesh of my finger while dicing the stalks of celery. Briefly, I paused to gather myself, and immediately moved on to the three cloves of garlic.

“Nothing at all. I’m not interested so please stop pressing me about that. I’m not going to date your husband’s brother. I don’t do that all in the family stuff.”

“He’s really into you.”

“Or maybe you’re just exaggerating things. We’re just cool. We always have great conversations whenever we’re around one another and that’s good enough for me. I’ve already spoken to you multiple times about my disdain for your matchmaking bullshit. How many times do I have to tell you that I’m not a fan of it?”

“You continue to hold Shamel against me. Things didn’t work out. Okay. Shit happens. That doesn’t mean that every guy that I attempt to introduce you to won’t be compatible with you.”

“Compatibility? It’s deeper than that.” Parsley and cilantro were next for the wrath of the knife in my hand. I’m going to have to med onions next. I should have just bought all of this stuff chopped already.

“What’s deeper?”

“Celeste, you don’t know shit about what I went through with Shamel. You know the shortened version of years’ worth of bullshit. You think we just had a couple of typical couple disagreements to the point of us coming to terms with the reality that we could no longer be together? I wish it were that fucking simple, so don’t sit in here on your high horse with that matchmaker shit. Focus on your man and your marriage. I’m fine.”

I internalized so much of what I went through with the man. I was never the one to take my household troubles and spread all of it in places that it didn’t need to be. Anyone with the vision could see the tension between the two of us whenever we were out and about together and if you couldn’t see it, then it was thick enough to be felt. As my career began to take off, I chose to move as a single woman, often leaving him behind whenever I was out and about at industry events whether they were sports related or not. Shamel had a tendency to spend way too much time at the open bar, tossing back shots of tequila while slyly entertaining any woman that fawned over his deep mocha presence. He’d then cause a scene if he caught any men paying even the slightest attention to mine.

Beyond the decision to mask our toxicity as best as I could, I yearned to make my mother proud by being the quintessential woman; brains, beauty, a reputable career, and a good man standing alongside me. The pride she wore on her face at Celeste’s wedding stood out beyond any and everything that went on that summer night in Brooklyn. Since my father’s death, that wedding and all of the events leading up to it sparked a liveliness in her that I hadn’t experienced in quite some time although it had absolutely nothing to do with me. I’m not sure if she was vicariously living through my sister or she was simply just thrilled to see her began her own family, but in observing her response to it all, I wanted to give that to her.

After a short lived around of sex that left tears of mental exhaustion pouring down the sides of my face as I lie under him, he whispered in my ear that he intended to make me his wife. I’ll never forget the wave of nausea that rushed over my body and sent me dashing into the bathroom to empty out of the contents within my stomach. I thought of marriage as something beautiful until then. Just the thought of spending the rest of my life in misery with him left my mind in an emotional frenzy as I attempt to figure out when and how I’d end our relationship. Less than three weeks later, I finally mustered up the courage to get it done.

“You want to be alone forever?”

“Whether I do or I don’t, it’s my decision. You may be older, but we’re not kids anymore. We’re no longer in Brooklyn, under mommy’s roof, trying to figure out what we’re going to do with ourselves. You have your life and I have mine. I have time to figure that relationship shit out. I’m not stressed about it. Being single doesn’t bother me at all. For whatever reason, it bothers you.”

“It doesn’t bother me that you’re single. I just think you deserve happiness.”

“And you think that I don’t have it without a man? You give them way too much credit.”

And she always has. Celeste has been a serial monogamist for as long as I can remember her dating history. As soon as one relationship of hers would end, she’d be in another one within a week or two. I can recall a couple of overlaps, but that’s none of my business.

“Don’t put the whole bonnet pepper in there.”

“I know that. I’m only doing half.” The last thing I want is to give our mother heartburn on Christmas Eve.

In the midst of me pouring olive oil into the deep red pot I already had on the stove, I reached into my back pocket for my vibrating phone.

Mrs. Claus, I’m missing you. When are you coming home?

Home? To mask my budding smile, I slowly pulled my lip in-between my teeth.

Home?

This man knows how to put a smile on my face by saying the simplest things.

Anywhere I lay my head is just as much yours as it is mine.

I should have known that when he gave me keys and the security codes last night. I’m still in disbelief about that.

I should be finished here really soon and I’ll be right back at the North Pole to keep your lap warm, Santa.

It’ll be the first time I’m spending Christmas Eve anywhere other than here and to say I’m nervous would be an understatement. Usually around this time of the year, O would be in the midst of the season so his family would make the effort to come to New Jersey to be with him. Even though he’s currently not playing, they still decided to come up and enjoy the chilled weather. For the past couple of days, he’s convinced me to rid myself of my reluctance and to be with him and a few people I’ve yet to meet like his grandmother Mille, his uncle Mike, his aunt Pat, and his step-father Derek.

Naked right?

And don’t even get me started on the lie that I had to tell everyone in this house so that I’d be able to get out of our Christmas Eve tradition of my cooking and us sitting around watching our favorite Christmas classics while bundled up under quilts that we’ve had since Celeste and I were toddlers. That lie involved Taylor, who’s actually in Atlanta right now, and Scott who actually did invite me to his Christmas Eve game night over at his place.

I can make that happen. Not while the elves are awake though. That’s a bit inappropriate, Santa.

My snicker wasn’t soundless. It was loud enough to alert Celeste and her eyes slowly panned in my direction and raised in curiosity at what tickled me.

“It’s Taylor.” I said it before she could ask.

Baby, don’t be mad at me but I already cut the red velvet cake. It was just sitting there and I couldn’t help myself.

I knew he’d do it. The fume enticed him by itself, so his response to the finished product was of no surprise. I didn’t even make him promise me that he wouldn’t touch it because I knew he wouldn’t be able to help himself just as he said. It’s why I made two of them.

I knew you would. Enjoy it. That’s why I made it.

I spent the morning baking as a part of his Christmas request. Renee’s handling everything else, but all of the sweets are my task. When I return, I’m going to make my mini eggnog cheesecakes and cookies.

Try and make it back before the snow starts. I don’t want you driving in that.

It’s not supposed to be enough snow to keep the east coast hiding inside of their homes, but it will be enough to leave traffic dragging and the roads hazardous. I’ve never been much of a fan of driving in the snow, so I do want to be out of here before those flurries began to fall.

Will do. I’ll see you in a bit love.

“I can’t believe you’re about to go and spend Christmas Eve hanging out with your co-workers. Don’t you get enough of seeing them at work?” This is her second time making commentary about this since I’ve been here and I’m not even sure why. Celeste and I barely say much of anything to one another whenever I’m around, unless she’s scolding me about some area of my life that she assumes that I need to improve. It’ll be no different tonight as they’re all curled up in the living room watching classic holiday films while enjoying the dinner that I’m preparing and a shit ton of junk food we bought at Walmart the other day. Besides, her husband is here and when he’s with her, nearly all of her attention is on him.

“What’s the big deal? We’re not kids waiting around on Santa anymore. There are no babies here in the house that we need to be extra festive for. I’ll be back in the morning for breakfast and then we’ll all open up the presents together like we usually do. You won’t even notice that I’m gone.” Maybe my mother will, but she certainly won’t. Whenever her husband’s around, her attention remains solely focused on him. She parades herself on being a so-called traditionalist as a wife; whatever that means. Either way, her head is up his ass and luckily for her, his is just as far up hers.

“What time are you getting here in the morning? I figure I’ll at least be considerate enough to start making breakfast around them so by the time you’re here, you won’t have to eat cold food.”

“Most likely around nine or a half hour after it. It won’t be much later than that.”

“That’s if you’re not hungover, huh?”

“I won’t be. I have no plans to drink, unless it’s like a half glass of some spiked egg nog. Can’t go to a Christmas function and not have some egg nog. I’m driving, so it won’t be much.” I’m not irresponsible with my life and in addition to that, if O smells the alcohol on my breath, he’ll be scolding me all night long for having the audacity to drink and drive.

“Okay.” I never thought she’d leave the kitchen. She’s been in here since my arrival and comfortably settled at a spot in front of the island, while watching my every move. Initially, I thought she was doing it simply to be a critic of whatever I intended to prepare in the kitchen, but now I know she sat there as a mean to try and find her way into my business as she always seems to do. I’ve never been interested in what she has going on with Preston since she met the man. Even when we all went out to dinner a few years back and she first introduced him to both my mother and I, I didn’t have much of anything to say. All I could make of their connection was that she was obsessed with everything about him and luckily for her, he was smitten enough to feel the same way about her. She needed a man who could and world be a bit of a pushover for her and he is exactly that.

My father’s beloved stewed chicken or as he called it, poulet creole, was a breeze to prepare because I’m the only one in our home who learned every single aspect of that recipe directly from him. On a random summer day, while my mom and Celeste were out at the hair salon getting curls put into their hair for Sunday service, he interrupted me from watching ESPN, and called me into the kitchen for yet another one of his many lessons. The manner in which he taught me wasn’t by me looking on at his every task but instead me doing all of the work while he closely directed so I’d my hands would familiarize themselves with the process as he claimed. It was the same method that his grandmother taught him to cook with.

I preferred learning to cook under his guidance far more than my mother’s because she’s like a drill sergeant in the kitchen; barking down on her subject for any mistake or mishap with her directions. He and I laughed, danced to whatever he chose to play in the radio, and compared and contrasted our opinions on any topic we could think of. I will always hold him in the highest regard for allowing my self-expression to flourish. As a West Indian father of two girls, he could have easily chosen the overprotective and absurdly sexist route in raising us, but he didn’t. Rather than doing his best attempt to blind me from life beyond the doors of our home, he chose to listen to my perspective and then teach me about what life has to offer whether good or bad; easy, moderate, or difficult.

I miss him. Actually, that’s an understatement. During the holiday season, that pain that lies dormant within my soul flares up into an intensity that I have to stoically mask for the sake of getting through. As much as he emphasized the need to prepare both Celeste and I for the day that he was no longer with us, none of us ever expected it to be as soon as it was. I want to be the strong and independent woman that he raised me to be, but in some ways, I still need him. My mother needs him because she hasn’t been quite right ever since. Celeste needs him just as much, because there’s a part of her that has always sought him out in the men that she chose to allow into her life since his death.

“Celeste, I’m heading out.”

“Nice coat and hat.”

The caramel wool cashmere single-breasted silhouette was an unexpected gift from Kobe before we went on break for the holiday. Everything about the hand-embroidered embellishments and the manner in which it loosely accentuated my frame instantly made me fall in love with it with the Burberry piece. He encouraged me to open it up while we were standing there in my dressing room so I’d be able to see if I liked it, but I voiced that it wouldn’t be right to open it before Christmas. My curiosity nipped at me all morning long until I fed into its urge by opening it up and like a kid whenever they’re given anything new, I had to wear it immediately. The matching beanie hat is the cherry on top. Before I’m off to bed tonight, I intend to thank him again.

“Thanks. It’s my Christmas gift from Bean.”

“Who?”

“Kobe.”

“So, you’re going to be here around nine, right? You better not be late because I’m not defending you when mommy snaps.”

“Yes. I’ll be here. When she gets in from church, tell her to call me if she needs me.” I still can’t believe she went to Christmas Eve service. Actually, I’m quite surprised that she didn’t pressure Celeste and I into attending.

“Will do. Enjoy yourself.”

“Thank you. Merry Christmas Eve.” Unexpectedly for her, I leaned in and planted a soft peck on her cheek. We’ve never been the type of sisters who shower one another with a lot of love whether it be physical or verbal, but on there are those random occasions when I do show or tell her how much I love her. I’d like to think in all the ways I help her or come running when she needs me, it’s a reflection of what I feel just as much.

“Merry Christmas Eve. Have fun.”

“Will do. You too. Since mom isn’t here, maybe you and Preston can get a little practice in on that baby that you want.” With a slight scoff, her eyebrows raised.

“Since when are you on the wild side?”

“I’m reserved, not virginal. See you in the morning.”

A gust a wind slithered through the open space as soon as I opened the door to step outside and very faint sprinkles of snow filled the air as they lightly cascaded down to meet my frame. I thought I would have been out of here before it all started but the beauty of it ceased any complaints that I usually would have if it weren’t Christmas Eve. If anything, the snow makes the spirit of tonight even more fulfilling. I don’t have to dream of a white Christmas because it seems like the city is being gifted with one this year. “Happy Holidays stranger.” I didn’t see his car parked across the street nor had I noticed him jogging across the street after locking the doors behind himself and yet here he is, stepping up onto the sidewalk and inching closer to the steps of my mother’s porch to trigger a slight downward spiral of my mood with his presence alone. I don’t know what it is with Quinton and his purposeful choice to remain all in the family despite my resistance towards whatever he and my mother thought they had planned for my love life. Initially, I believed he genuinely viewed us as an extension of his own family and supporters in the neighborhood who he knew he could count on, but now, I’m not sure what the fuck this is or where he’s going with it. “Happy Holidays.” “How have you been?” “Well. You?” I was better just a minute ago. “I’m well enough.” “What brings you around? The holiday? You seem to always show up around here whenever there’s one.” In his hand, he held a gift bag that I’m going to assume is for my mother. It’s not that I mind that he buys her gifts, because deep down, I don’t. I’m mostly concerned with what they mean. “I don’t just show up here on holidays. I come over and check on your mom from time to time. You know I love Mrs. Nazaire.” My scoff was loud and clear. Any time we speak now, he sounds like nothing more than a fame hungry politician, who uses manipulation tactics to garner allies and supporters. I’m sure his antics are no different with my mother. It’s why she holds him in such high regard no matter how much I don’t give a fuck. “Yeah? It’s starting to feel like you’re screwing my mother. I’m not looking for any step-dads within our age range. Sniff around women your own age Quinton.” The sarcasm flowed from my mouth and into his ears; leaving a flustered expression on his face that quickly transitioned into one of annoyance. “I’m not. I’ve only been to bed with one Nazaire woman.” “I’m glad you used the past tense. I barely remember that one and done situation; but I’m glad that you do. She’s not here, but Celeste and her husband are. You’re more than welcome to wait for her and I’m sure that you will.” “I don’t know what it is that Shamel did to you, but you’re so bitter now. Not all men are hood gym owners who fucked you over repeatedly while dipping into women who bought memberships to be trained in doggystyle position rather than on treadmills. All I wanted to do was be a good man to you, but you’re coming at my head as if I’m your enemy.” He said all of that and yet I’m the bitter one? If anyone asked me anything about this man’s personal life, I wouldn’t be able to tell you anything aside from what I know from the days when we’d actually hangout with one another. I haven’t kept up with much about his life story since then and I’d prefer not to know now. That’s the difference between he and I; he remains invested in what doesn’t concern him while I can’t seem to find a reason or the time to concern myself with what he wishes I would concern myself with. “I’m growing a bit confused about who has the pussy between the two of us. Only bored and lonely women concern themselves with what was or wasn’t going on in another woman’s relationship. Damn, you were more invested in what Shamel was doing with his time than I was. I’m bitter because I don’t want to play your political trophy wife or are you bitter because despite my firm no, you’re still sniffing around here and chasing me? Find your dignity Quinton. Don’t go out like a wack bitch, aight?” “I hope you don’t go out like one either. Make sure you keep it classy by not fucking with all of those athletes that you’re constantly around. How many have you been with thus far?” “All of them.” I’m usually not the type to laugh at my own jokes but I couldn’t help but to chuckle at his facial expression. I’ve been slut shammed more times than I can count. It happens every day when random people hiding behind social media accounts on apps decide to accuse me of using my body in order to keep my job, so Quinton doing it isn’t offending me any more than it does when strangers are doing it. Initially, I used to be extremely irritated by it but I’ve come to terms with the reality that people are going to say and assume whatever they want no matter what I do or feel about it. No matter who I do or don’t have in my bed, my bills are paid. “Excuse me. I have some place to be.”

Stepping around him wasn’t the problem; it was the oddness of him standing there and watching me slip into my car. Like a lost puppy, he trudged up the stairs to the house door and continued to burn a hole into my foggy windows with a scowl on his face that I couldn’t see but I’m sure is there. Maybe one day he’ll get it or maybe he won’t, either way, I’m not responsible for what he feels. I’ve been clear with all intentions and lack their off.

No matter how much snowfall happens in the northeast year after year, as soon as flakes of any size begins to fall out of the sky, the snail-paced traffic is an immediate effect and it drives me insane. It’s one of the primary reasons why I was in no rush to get a new car and am currently wishing I had a driver taking me to my destination. Not even the holiday tunes that I love so much are distracting me from wanting to roll my window down and shout at the drivers in front of me who are missing green lights and evoking slight amounts of fear within me with their skidding. What would usually be a forty-five-minute commute turned into nearly an hour and a half.

The relief that washed over me at the sight of the double entry driveway was well received as I slowly inched my way in and focused in on the three bodies standing in the driveway. I reached out to him just a few minutes ago to notify him that I’d need help getting bags out of the backseat of the car, so we wouldn’t have to make multiple trips in the brisk weather. Unlike the other males standing alongside him, the handsome one who belongs to me was hilariously covered in an oversized Santa coat with a black hood covering his blonde mane.

“The traffic was so stupid as I was on my way to the Lincoln Tunnel. I will never understand how people who have been living on the East Coast since forever still fear the damn snow. It’s not even snowing that hard.” My right hand latched onto his and he carefully pulled me out of the driver’s seat and into his awaiting arms. My complaint went into one ear and right out of the other as he endearingly snuggled my frame as close to his as possible while nuzzling his chilled face into the nape of my neck. Admittedly, I needed to feel him in this exact manner for the restoration of the joy that this night is supposed to be and bring.

“And don’t even get me started on this ass wipe in this big ass Navigator who kept slightly skidding. I was caught in between being worried for my damn life and wanting to kick his ass for driving so stupidly. Oh and…” His peck was sweet; subtle and yet enough to leave me yearning for so much more.

“Give me your keys.” To oblige his request, I dropped them into his hand and turned to both Kordell and Derek who were looking on and most likely extremely bored with my rant.

“Hi guys.”

“You finally made it. This guy was about five minutes away from hopping into his Rolls Royce and driving all the way to Brooklyn for you.” I’ve only met his step-father Derek once and in my quick assessment of him I understood that he was more of a reserve man who somehow had a humorous side to him that couldn’t be ignored. He can crack a joke and it usually comes at the right time.

“I told him I was coming. I would have been here if it weren’t for the traffic.”

“And he wanted me to get in the car and go with his lame ass.” After a shared hug with Derek, I threw my arms around Kordell and pecked his forehead despite his maneuvers to avoid it. He’s not exactly the most physically affectionate person so I purposefully shower him with some of my own to worsen whatever annoyance his oldest brother sent his way.

“You weren’t going to come looking for me with your brother? I thought you and I are good friends now?”

“We’re family or whatever, but you and bro are old. I have a lot more life to live. I wasn’t about to catch hypothermia messing with the two of you.”

“It’s not even that bad out here. You haven’t seen a real blizzard yet Louisiana boy.” His dramatics earned a light mush to his head. I’d love to see how he reacts to a couple of feet of snow covering the ground and maybe even a power outage to go with it. Now that’s hell.

“Sarai, what is all of this?” The bewildered expression on his face and him using my first name evoked me to widen my eyes in a confusion about what I could possibly be in trouble about. I don’t believe there’s anything incriminating in my trunk and if there is, I didn’t place it there.

“Gifts.”

“All of this?” Like a nagging elderly man who borders between obnoxiously cheap and being frugal with his money, he extended his arm towards the overflowing trunk and placed his idly hand on his hip to await an explanation that he’s not going to receive.

“What? I told you that I was coming with gifts. Don’t be ridiculous. Just grab them. Oh, and don’t forget the ones in the backseat. I’m going inside. It’s cold.”

“This is crazy. You went overboard.”

“I know you’re not talking about overboard. There’s a Rolls Royce parked right over there. I can start there and keep on going for hours. You really want to do this right now?” If there’s anything I’m ever ready for; it’s to prove somebody wrong. Debating is an essential part of my profession as an analyst and I haven’t lost a debate yet if you let me tell it, so I can and will give him an extensive five minutes of dialog about his spending habits and how he is by far one of the biggest spenders that I know. This man doesn’t even use his washer and dryer. He dry cleans every damn thing and never wears the same underwear, socks, or t-shirts twice.

“Nah, baby, you got it.” Without any further questions or concerns, he extended his arms into the trunk and began to retrieve a few of the many bags that they all needed to bring inside.

“Wow. You know how things go in arguments. Good job, man.”

While on my way to the warmth, my laughter at Derek’s commentary was loud enough for me to hear it but low enough so that the man of my affection couldn’t make it out. Sometimes it’s just best to keep quiet about the reality that your man is willing to put himself aside to please you and, in this case, it was his mouth.

“Sarai!”

Sometimes I’m stunned by my sincere acceptance into his family dynamic. We’re anything but traditional and we’re navigating in a manner that I’m sure they don’t understand because we certainly don’t. Aside from my overwhelming emotional affection towards the man who belongs to them more than he does to me, they’ve been unknowingly responsible for making me feel like I deserve the joy that I feel when I’m with him and around them. In my transition from hugs with Heather, Jazzy, and those who I’ve been led around the first level of the house to meet, I haven’t been able to ease away the smile gracing my face.

“Your outfit and pajamas are upstairs in the room.” I know pasta when I smell it. The fumes coming from the kitchen appealed to my senses quickly and left my stomach turning in knots for nourishment.

“Outfit?”

“Wait until you see what your guy bought for you.” Her amusement was my fear. I tend to like to make him the butt of a couple of my jokes, but I don’t want to be the one on the other end of his tonight.

“Is it a onesie?”

“No.” Suddenly I wish this glass of egg nog were spiked.

“I’m going to head up and see it. If it’s a disaster I’m pulling the feminist card and blaming the both of you because we’re supposed to be united against these men.” I waggled my finger back and forth to point out the mother and daughter duo who found my apprehension to be amusing and began slowly inch my way up the spiraling staircase that leads to the upper level of the house. Though I could hear his voice loud and clear from the foyer, O hadn’t brought my personal belongings upstairs and I’m already up here so that’s out. With that in mind, it seems even more logical to take him up on his offer of my own closet space so that I no longer need to keep trekking overnight backs to and from here.

A blend of the Italian bergamot and clay sage from his beloved cologne meshed in blissfully with the gingerbread scent that I know he purposefully misted into the room just for me. Since December came in, he frequently made note of how my home smelled like cookies whenever he came over and accused me of trying to toy with his already slightly ridiculous appetite for junk food, especially candy. Despite my love for Bath and Body Works and Yankee Candle’s holiday scents, he deemed them to be exceedingly sweet and overdone. Now look at him.

Flutters filled my core at the sight of his master suite’s fireplace being utilized for the first time ever. Unlike my obsession with them, it’s a feature within the house that he hasn’t concerned himself with since moving in. There’s something about the way the flames are curling and oscillating, flickering like gleaming lights, and cascading hues of scarlet onto the wall that naturally warms the space.

“Your stuff is on the bed.” I knew he was in the doorway. The chills trickling onto the back of my neck spoke before he did.

“You put the fireplace on.”

“I figured you’d like it. Thank God it’s electric. I’m no fireplace expert.” As his feet trudged against the wooden flooring, he dropped my monogram Louis Vuitton Keepall Bandoulière duffle bag near the entry way of his closet.

“It’s beautiful.” If it were just us, I’d curl up on the floor in front of it with a good playlist going.

As soon as my Ugg boots were kicked aside, I inched closer to the bed and alongside three bags, was a Snoopy and Woodstock perfectly wrapped present that I certainly wasn’t expecting to see. My curiously instantly peaked but in a swift second, I checked myself for discarding the waiting rule I’ve grown up with. Celeste and I weren’t even able to open one gift at midnight on Christmas Eve.

“You forgot to put that under the tree?” Instead, I reached for the crimson red gift bag and snickered as soon as my hand silky velvet material that is identical to the kind covering his frame. My Mrs. Claus coat was that of something I’d be waiting for Santa in the bedroom in rather than keeping an eye on the elves. It’s lace-up front called for a good cleavage while the pure white faux fur trimming and flared skirted bottom were more along the lines of tradition until anyone notices the split open front. What exactly is supposed to go under this?

“No, that’s for you to open now. You probably thought I was playing when I mentioned it before but I really am impatient on Christmas Eve. I like to open presents the night before and just sleep on Christmas morning. Since it’s our first one together, I figured I’d be fair to your traditions and my own. So, we can open some tonight and then open the first in the morning. Fair?” Like an eager child hoping to get his way, his narrowed eyes slightly widened with hopes that I’d agree to what he calls fair. I don’t see what the big deal is. It all has to be opened either way.

“Fair.”

“So open that.”

Lazily, my body flopped down onto the plushness of the bed and I grabbed the box with a bit of shaking to increase his growing anticipation. The contents inside only slighting moved, throwing off just about all of my potential guesses for what it may be. My first donned a smirk as I commenced with tearing through the wrapping paper to uncover the infamous Christian Louboutin box under it. Shoes? Infinite brownie points already. Much like himself, I adore footwear. I stand by the law that a shoe can make or break a look more than any other article of clothing.

“You didn’t.” Instantaneously, thoughts of a random conversation I was having with Taylor came to mind. Christian Louboutin collaborated with Indian Couture Designer Sabyasachi Mukherjee on an extremely limited-edition collection featuring hand-embroidered sari fabrics and jaw dropping embellishments that left me in awe upon the sight of it online. Every piece of material used to craft the shoes were taken from Sabyasachi’s private archive, leaving only a few pairs of each design to be created.

“Didn’t what?” His confusion was intentional. The grin called his bluff. The lid to the box went flying behind me in an instant and in dramatic fashion, I dropped back onto the bed in astonishment and bliss at the sight of the exquisite thigh high boots that I fell in love with. Their golden delicate leather straps were specially designed harness and highlight the leg. On top of it, they’re made to measure.

“Is this real life?”

“I feel pretty alive, what about you?”

“How the hell did you get these? I called everywhere. No, literally. I e-mailed fucking Hong Kong for them. Supposedly only like six pairs were made.” “Those have been in my closet since October.” The nonchalance in his tone evoked a moisture lightly seep into the seat of the lace under my jeans. I don’t know whether to jump on the bed in joy or discard everything covering my frame allow him to twist and flip me into any position of his liking. Maybe both? Both can certainly be done.

“Come and give me a hug please.” With the box now resting alongside me, I opened my arms and awaited his presence. Like a weighted blanket, a wave of tranquility washed over me at the mass of his body now being closely hard-pressed against mine. My fingers found their way into the platinum blonde curls and few loose dreads dangling from his scalp and our lips met for a kiss that I’d been yearning for since I opened my eyes this morning. The sweetness of his supple lips intoxicated me far more than anything alcoholic ever could and the way his length fingers dug into the skin of my hips nearly blurred the actuality that we’re not home alone.

“I love them so much. Thank you, handsome.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Get up so that I can get one of yours from downstairs.”

“I can wait until after you’re dressed.”

“No, I insist. Let me get it.”

“Another kiss first?”

Without hesitation, I once again pressed my lips into his own for a deep peck and moved in a fluidity with his body as we eased off of the bed. I made it downstairs and back up, with a promise that I’d hurry up and change so the festivities could really begin. I need a quick shower first before I do anything else.

“I hope that you like it. I saw it and you instantly came to mind.”

“Can I just warn you that I didn’t wrap all of your gifts. The only reason why your boots were wrapped is because the boutique did it for me.”

“It’s fine. I don’t care about all of that.” The last thing I expected him to do is be frustrating himself with wrapping paper. His patience would never be able to handle it. For some odd reason, I enjoy doing it. I’ve been the designated gift wrapper in my family for years.

Though it may seem childish to some, I wrapped everything I bought him in Dr. Seuss’ “How the Grinch Stole Christmas” wrapping paper that I randomly spotted and happily picked up from a Hallmark store in Rutherford, New Jersey. Since he deemed it to be his favorite holiday classic, I imagined it would be festive to bring an element of it into the fun.

With my phone in hand, I snapped a photo of him as he tore through it to reveal the Louis Vuitton box, I knew it to be. Within seconds, its lid was on the floor and he drew away the protective paper to reveal the tan cowhide and calf leather “Christopher Backpack” backpack I bought for him. Unlike his ridiculously vibrant Supreme bags, I fell in love with the timeless style of the backpack and the classic solidness of its color. It’s a perfect choice for those game days when he’s more dressed up than down and needs something that’s subtle while still somehow being a statement piece.

“Damn, this is clean. This is perfect for when we’re traveling because they usually want us a little more dressed up.”

“That’s what I was thinking.”

“Yeah, I love this baby. I don’t know about waiting until next season to wear it though. I’ll have this on within a couple of days. Watch.”

Knowing him, he will. If it’s new, he’s in it shortly after receiving it. I don’t know him to be that person who saves things for later. Why should he when he’s constantly either buying or receiving things?

“I’m going to take a short shower. It’ll be quick.”

“You already smell good. What you need a shower for?”

“I was cooking. I can smell it on me. It’ll be quick. Ten minutes.”

“Your showers are never ten minutes.”

“This one will be. I assure you.”

The fib didn’t go without being grumbled about when that ten-minute duration I assured him up turned into an additional ten simply because of the feel of the warm water cascading over my skin left me in damn near a state of slumber as I stood there. My lotion lathering came with assistance and so did pulling up the opaque plaid patterned tights over my thighs. By the way of their fit, they were clearly sewn together to cater to an extremely slender woman’s shape but by the grace of God and my man’s hands they were up and over my ass without a snag or hole in sight.

“I really can’t believe you bought all of this.” We look like we work in the middle of a mall. Instead of having crying babies sitting up on his lap for photographs, he’d have lusty women beating one another to a bloody pulp for daring to cut the line to ruin their chances of sitting upon his lap and asking for his genitalia while I’d be called Santa’s Slore.

“Let’s go outside.”

Intricate patterns of the weightless ice floated downward from the darkened sky. Each flake whirled and twirled as a faint wind blustered them in our direction. Much like the silly man alongside myself randomly dancing for his personal media guy’s camera, I joyfully tracked footsteps into the barely there bed of snow covering the grounds of his driveway and took satisfaction in the sound of it squishing under my boots. I’m no longer camera shy, but being on one with him has awoken what used to be a part of me. I already knew that George would be documenting all of this just as he does for a lot of milestones and random moments of his life, but what happens if I’m no longer what he wants and he randomly comes across this Christmas video and the pictures to go with it one day? How awkward would that be?

“Hey, look.”

“Huh?” Though he only spoke two words, the thick cloud of breath still lingered as I faced him. In following his eyes as they slowly panned up, mine met the mistletoe idly hanging on the door with the red bows that were already there.

“That was not there when I got here.” I saw the bows, but the mistletoe? No. Laughter spilled from our lips at what I knew to be true. I’m slightly fatigued, but I can remember what I did and did not see.

“It was.”

“It was not.”

“Come and kiss me so that we can go inside, open up more stuff, and play cards with grandma.”

“That tone. I like it.” I’m alright with a man taking charge every now and then.

“Come here.”

The frost of the winter air was of no match to the warmth radiating from our bodies and serving as a shield around our affection. I’d often fantasize about moments like this; having a companion to comfortably, and most of all safely, bare my all to without any guards or painful baggage weighing me down. I believed the advice of allowing it to come to me was standard and cliché, but I undoubtedly understand it now. It’s when you least expect it that the unexpected happens in the best way possible. I ruled him out of my life as soon as we had that initial conversation and yet the universe continued to cross our paths, naturally coercing me to allow him in. In the midst of all of my fears from the past and present, I want only him.

“Okay, let’s go. I want to see everything that you got me.”

“You can’t open everything tonight. That’s breaking our deal.”

“Huh?” I trailed behind him as he dashed back into the house and towards the living room.

“You heard me!”

I chose the kitchen counter top as my designated seat for what turned into the most chaotic gift giving presentation. Like a hood Santa Claus, all I could pay attention to was my man and his slightly sagging plaid pants zipping through his home pulling out gifts from seemingly everywhere. They jokingly talked about how much of a grinch he was last Christmas but he’s certainly redeeming himself this year.

I can’t remember the last time I thoughtlessly splurged on luxury designer goods but I don’t need to do so any time soon because he covered that and then some. Being overwhelmed was an understatement. Chanel, Versace, Bottega Veneta, Balenciaga, Saint Laurent, Fendi. I lost track of the rest and the process of just how I’m going to be able to organize all of it in my closet.

In watching him, it’s so easy to understand human purpose. In the midst of being here to seek fulfillment within our own purpose, we’re just as much here to look after our loved ones and even those who aren’t. Fortunately, he’s been blessed to have more and because of it, he spreads not only his love but also the benefits of his wealth among them. There’s a pride within it that has been radiating from him for over an hour now. I too, can relate. I’ve been given just as many hugs and kisses of thanks that he’s been given and I expect that it’ll continue when I am with my own family in the morning.

“Draw 4, blondie.” What he thought was going to be a swift Uno out moment turned into him having fifteen cards in his hand and a scowl on his face that is hysterical. He’d beaten me to the point of embarrassment at Spades because I’ve never been that great at it despite the many times my dad taught me how to play, so I had to somehow coerce him into playing something that I could play by pretending that I didn’t know how to.

“You know what, I’m going downstairs to whoop Kordell in some hoops because you’re cheating.” A snicker slipped past my lips at the playfully aggravated scowl on his face as he used his body’s strength to push his chair away from the round table. In a manner to taunt him, I held out my hands before me and wiggled my fingers to signify my lack of cards and the reality that I’d just won yet another game of UNO. My man being a sore loser isn’t something that he’s modest about. I and many others have known that about him for quite some time.

“Don’t be mad.”

“You’re cheating. You keep making up imaginary rules that don’t exist.”

“Seriously? The directions are in the box. Look at them or look them up on Google. It’s not my fault that you don’t know them all. You just suck.”

“I suck?” The amused expression on Mille’s face tickled all of us as she glanced back and forth, to take in every shit talking word as they left the both of our mouths. She’d been quietly observing the two of us since we joined both she and Jasmyne at the table for a round of card games.

Initially, I thought I’d been intruding on her time with her grandchildren, but the sly smirks and eventual huge smiles gracing her angelic face swarmed me with a warmness that I needed to further soothe me into a comfort zone around those who I do not know well just yet. Every couple of minutes or so, she’d give me either a gracious caress to the hand as a sign of her welcoming or a pat of encouragement to continue beating her oldest grandchild at Uno. I’m going to accredit that to the feminism within her.

“If the shoe fits, babe.”

“I’m going to remember that baby. The mental note is made.” He used his index finger to tap his forehead as I wordlessly ogled over his exterior.

If anyone looked at his attire, it wouldn’t be deemed as anything impressive; a black Supreme sweatshirt and a pair of black loose shorts to keep him much cooler than all of that velvet he had on. Simple. Why my eyes are continuing to embarrassingly bulge out of their sockets every time they land on him is beyond my comprehension. I’ve never seen anyone’s facial structure be as chiseled to perfection as his is. The silhouette of his jawbone is completely shielded by the blackness of his thick beard and yet just the hint of it sends unwavering shivers down my spine.

The glimmer in his faintly slanted and ever so narrowed eyes illuminates any room when that priceless smile arises on his face and every aspect of myself begins to figuratively melt into liquid form; between my thighs is the worst of it. In the midst of his sleep, I love to plant soft pecks down the finely lined bridge of his nose until my lips are gently pressed into the suppleness of his own. I’m addicted. I lose all sense of who I am whenever his warm tongue meets mine.

Handsome is an understatement; it isn’t enough to compare. He is beauty personified. I don’t believe there is another man in sports entertainment who has left me gasping for just a slight breath of air upon my every sight of him. It never gets old. I don’t believe it ever will.

Sometimes I have to wonder if he’s truly mine or if the universe is playing some type of sick joke on me.

“I don’t mind you remembering that.” Whatever payback he has for that may come with pleasure that I am more than willing to accept.

“Alright.” The sly smirk tugging on his lips was enough to leave me on the borderline of tickled and embarrassed as soon as he leaned over to plant a knowing and warning kiss on my lips. Despite the presence of his younger siblings and the elders within his family, he didn’t harbor not even an ounce of regard or bashfulness when it came to his need to have his hands touching some part of my body or any other display of affection, he bestowed upon me at random moments. His actions remained consistent with all that he does when we’re alone; barely any discretion involved.

“I’m not sure if my stomach is churning because of you two or because I want some cake, but I’m going to get some cake anyway. Y’all want anything?”

“You just mad.” And just like that, her brother’s large palms were lightly meshing into the side of her head for a playful mush and she instantly pushed him out of her way.

“I’m just fine with my egg nog.” Mille opted to keep hers virgin along with the other underage beings around. The rest of us had just a teaser of rum to give it a subtle kick.

“Me too. I’m fine.” I stepped on the scale a couple of days ago and I’ve gained five pounds. Between the man in my life constantly feeding me and the holidays, I’ve been overindulging on just about everything that’s offered to me. I need to get my life together.

With yet another shove to her brother’s side, Jasmyne darted away from the table with him hot on her trail with jokes about the size of her head which is no different from his own, but I’ll leave him be. They left the matriarch of their family and I at the table with decks of cards and a “Snow Place Like Home” five-hundred-piece jigsaw puzzle that she’s beginning to open so that we can attempt to put it all together before we’re off to bed. The peacefulness on her face evoked a solace within me that I’ve been seeking since this day began. My internal mourning subsided for the meantime as I observed her joy in being surrounded by family and most of all, because they’re all doing quite well in all aspects.

“My daughter went from telling me that you have my grandson’s nose wide open to telling me that he’s completely lost into your world and I couldn’t believe it. Odell would always laugh me off when I asked him about girls or women and he’d tell me that myself, Heather, and Jasmyne are the only ladies of value and importance in his life. From the way he’s been floating around here since your arrival and the way he looks at you, there’s officially a fourth.” My mouth moved to speak but the words remained stuck in the pit of my throat as her ash white eyebrows arose in a satisfaction at the believed accuracy of her all too knowing spirit.

“You don’t have to be modest. He’s not sitting next to you anymore.” Immediately, giggles spilled from her rosy lips prompting my shoulders to sink in a relief that I’m not sure why I needed.

“I’m not being modest. I just don’t know what to say. It feels like a lot of this is unfamiliar territory for me but at the same time, it evokes the shy and bashful side of me.” She’s been making little comments since we were introduced. I guess they were all leading up to this moment.

“That’s a good thing dear; a great thing. I’ve been wanting to meet you ever since his momma showed me a video of him working out with his physical therapists and trainers. You’ve built him back up. She gives you most of the credit for that.”

“I wouldn’t give myself any credit. His determination did it. You can’t keep someone with his determination down and he certainly wasn’t going to do it to himself.”

“Determination goes a long way, but often time, there has to be something or someone to ignite the fire behind that determination and that has been you. You cared for him, physically and most of all mentally, during what he calls one of the most disappointing and darkest times of his life thus far. So, don’t sell yourself cheaply because he talks about you like you’re priceless.”

“I believe in everyone having a person; that person that they can go to for laughter and good times or to lean on for a cry session. Whether it’s a close relative or a friend, you just need that person. I wanted to be that person for him because I know what it’s like to not have that person. He didn’t need pity. He needed encouragement that the injury is just a small part of his journey and most of all, he just needed someone to simply be there. That’s what you do for someone you lo-“

My tongue pressed against the backs of my top front teeth as I halted an admission that I’ve been withholding for a short while and coming to grips with on my own. I’ve been overly analyzing what that means for myself and how to navigate it going forward because it’s never felt quite like this before. As with all that I’ve been sharing with him, it’s new and I’ve jumped off of a cliff and into a pit of fear that I’m doing my best not to drown in.

Acceptance needed to come first and now that it has, I’ve been in a wonderment of whether or not those feelings are reciprocated on his end and how I’m going to handle my ever-going emotions if they are not. I cannot berate him for what he may not feel nor can I resent him for not sparing my feelings with lies if he does admit that I am in this alone.

I want to do nothing more than protect him. It’s almost odd because I’ve felt compelled to do that prior to even knowing him. Every attack and biased commentary that came his way felt like a personal attack on the character of a man who the world refused to understand. Now that I’ve experienced him in ways that are far beyond what were in my imagination at that time, I stand firm in what I knew all along. He’s not perfect and yet his imperfections are too what I love about him. He’s the embodiment of a security in his personhood and masculinity that I am irrevocably attached to.

“You could have finished that. Words are powerful but so are body language and actions. Yours have said it all. You know, I used to call you the young lady on TV that he likes so much, but now I call you the young lady on TV that he loves so much.”

Faint tingling nipped at the nape of my neck and the lined crevice of my back as certain aspects of her statement entered my ear like a vibrating echo; hypothetically repeating themselves for an emphasis to my thoughts. The last man I remember genuinely loving me laid down with my mom to create me. Shamel did not love me; I was something to do.

He rarely ever used the word and when he did, it was to emphasize something that he loved for me to do for him. In poor judgement and a lack of character, I accepted that because I was too emotionally exhausted to be combative with him or myself about it. Eventually, I didn’t even want him to love me. There didn’t need to be anything that kept us attached beyond an ignorant familiarity that I clung to for far too long.

“You really think so?”

“I know so dear.”

In an effort to help her, I reached my arms out and used my hands to spread out the many pieces all over the table so that we could begin a strategy to get it done. It’s been quite some time since I’ve done one of these and I’m not even sure my tired body can concentrate enough but I’m willing to try.

“Merry Christmas.” Yet again, the scent of his Sean Jean cologne slithered up my nose as the heat radiating from his body left me leaning back against my seat, relishing in it. His long arms extended over and he placed a navy-blue box down on the table directly in front of me. Upon my eyes landing on it, the all too famous Harry Winston initials were engraved in a bold gold on its surface.

“What’s this?” Along with him, Mille, and myself being in the room, there was also George who was continuing to document every aspect of this holiday celebration.

“Just a little something for my Brooklyn girl to rock with her Timbs.”

“Shut up!” Our regional teasing never ends. He tends edge me out with the Brooklyn jokes because I don’t know how many other ways, I can talk about how country he is. Technically speaking, he’s not even as country as some of the other athletes that I’ve spoken with over the last couple of years. Even his accent, that nearly melted me out of my heels the night we first conversed with one another, isn’t heavily ingrained with that Louisiana flare.

“Open it.” Without any bickering or hesitation, I slowly pulled up the lid on the box to reveal a pair of hoop earrings that instantly left me in a state of breathlessness. The emerald and round cut stones circled their platinum setting with a glimmer that one could not ignore. Every aspect of their make oozed a meticulousness to his taste and Mr. Winston’s talent. Any figure of price that came to mind could not match up with what sat before me and I know better than to ask him for specifics. I can admit to being a gold hoop wearing girl while I was back in high school, but I never imagined myself having a pair quite like this.

“Oh my God.” Circling my fingers over their surfaces solidified the reality of them now being within my possession and his supple lips pressing against my forehead widened the smile I was already donning.

“You like them? They seemed like they were very you when I saw them. Hoops for when you rock those buns in your hair.” Whether it’s a well done or sloppy bun, he always compliments how “cute” it is on me and he takes it a step further by enjoying the open access to my neck while my hair is out of the way.

“I love them. Thank you, babe. Thank you so much, they’re beautiful.” Just as I’ve done with every gift he’s given me thus far, I leapt out of the chair and threw my arms around his body in a physical showering of the love that I have for him. It’s beyond the gifts but rather the reality of him thinking of me and being so intuitive with what I desire and need that has taken his endless gift giving over the edge tonight.

“George did you get that? Now that’s a picture-perfect moment.” Mille’s face glowed in pleasure at the sight of us. I wonder if we’re reminiscent of those old black and white films that I secretly love so much. I hope so, but just in color. Everything about us is vibrant.

“I have it all Mama Millz.”

“I’ll be back.” I couldn’t take another moment of being in that unbearably warm coat or the tights.

I did change. The crimson red fair isle long john was a perfect touch for tonight. Much like earlier, the fireplace distracted me and I found myself sliding down onto the floor to marvel in its heat and beauty. If there were a pillow down here with me, I’d be asleep within minutes. Though he moved into this house not that long ago, for some reason it feels more lived in than my own. Maybe it’s because it’s filled with family right now or it may be the dogs, but I enjoy the way I feel here. There’s an eerie loneliness in my home that can be difficult to ignore sometimes.

“What are you doing?”

“Enjoying the fireplace.”

“Why are you acting like you don’t have one?” Once inside, he closed the door enough just to leave a crack in it.

“I don’t have one in my bedroom.”

“We can fix that.” Yet again, the nonchalance tone and now shrug awoken parts of me that I’ve been mentally taming since my arrival. He talks like he’s more than willing to give me the world in a silver platter if I were to request it.

“I have something for you.”

“I want something for you too.”

“Me first.” Rather than hanging it to him, I nudged the velvet gift bag towards his feet and he flopped down onto the floor to meet it. He dropped his gift for me, Cartier from what I observed, into his lap.

“Patek Philippe? Oh wow.” With no response, I allowed him to have the moment to himself as he pulled the chocolate toned leather box out of the bag. Our eye contact was brief as he pulled open the lid and his silence intrigued me instead of rattling my already racing nerves. Just as I’d done to the hoop earrings, his fingers ran over its surface while his lips parted to leave his mouth agape. It may not be on his arm now, but I’ve envisioned just how incredible it’s going to look on him over and over again.

“The blue isn’t only representative of the team but it also takes me back to the night we both spoke for the first time. You were wearing blue and black. In New Orleans, when we made things official, you were wearing blue. Blue makes me think of you. I know most associate that color with sorrow, but you give it life and joy. You give it character.”

Only the sound of the fire crackling against the wood served as a tune dancing in the air of stillness between the two of us. His reaction to so many of the other things I gifted to him were boisterous and comedic, but this stole his words and left him to wallow in speechlessness.

“Sarai, I love you.”

The wholeness of his words filled voids that I neglected and accepted as everlasting destruction. His patience has sealed my gaping wounds and rid me of the leftover scarring. The acceptor of my deficiencies and the protector of my delicate soul, in his eyes, for the first time in such a long time, I recognize myself. The duality of being able to love myself and him is as synchronized as my breathing.

“I love you too, Odell.”

Undoubtedly. Irrevocably.

#odell beckham jr fanfic #odell beckham fanfic #fanfiction #fan fiction #fanfic #fan fic

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rpgmgames · 6 years

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April’s Featured Game: Folkloria

DEVELOPER(S): folkloriarpg ENGINE: RPGMaker MV GENRE: Adventure, RPG SUMMARY: Folkloria is a lighthearthed turn-based RPG set on a floating island inhabited by mythological creatures. You play as Weaver, a young and unassuming griffin determined to rescue his family from the clutches of Dr. Zeralidius, a shady businessperson from the world below the clouds who plans to modernize the peaceful island.

Our Interview With The Dev Team Below The Cut!

Introduce yourself! *Oi! I'm Domino, a wannabe artist. I've been drawing all my life, a passion I inherited from my father, but only recently I decided to publish my work online. Through the years I have tinkered with basically all iterations of RPG Maker, making silly short games with my friends before attempting to develop something full-fledged.

What is your project about? What inspired you to create your game initially? *Domino: Folkloria is a very simple, cartoony turn-based RPG which spices things up with timed hits, counters and a variety of partners. The game takes place on a floating island inhabited by anthropomorphized mythological creatures. The protagonist of the story is Weaver, a child griffin determined to rescue his family from the clutches of Dr. Zeralidius, a shady businessperson from the civilized world who wants to forcefully modernize the island. Along the way he will meet new allies like Lauper, a thousand-year old phoenix who needs his help to drive Zeralidius out of the island, and Akinai, a kitsune merchant who will supply them with the best items she has to offer. I still haven't shown all the party members, but among them are a buff minotaur lady, a shy but frightening wendigo and a sculptor gorgon.

What inspired me to make a game was the indie scene in general. I have always dreamt of being a game developer since I was a kid, and when indie games first started becoming really popular I thought to myself "Hey, I could probably do that!". The folklore theme of the game was decided completely at random. When I first created the character of Weaver with my friends years ago, we wanted to make a traditional 2D platformer. We came up with a griffin character since being part lion and part bird he could fly, run fast and use its claws to attack. That decision alone basically shaped up the rest of the setting, and I started populating the game's world with different mythological creatures.

How long have you been working on your project? *Domino: The game in its actual state was started at the end of 2015, but the basic setting and characters (specifically Weaver, the protagonist and Zeralidius, the villain) were conceived as far back as 2012. I didn't pay much attention to it during the following years since I was working on another unrelated project with some friends, but after things fell out with them I decided to revisit the concept and flesh it out.

Did any other games or media influence aspects of your project? *Domino: Of course! If it wasn't obvious enough, the game is heavily influenced by Nintendo RPGs, especially the Paper Mario series. I always loved the simplistic approach towards the RPG formula those games have, and I also adore turn based combat with timed button presses. I think it keeps the player engaged. Graphically, Mother 3 was a big inspiration. The art style of that game just resonates so well with me, with that colorful palette and the black outlines that make the sprites stand out so much.

Have you come across any challenges during development? How have you overcome or worked around them? *Domino: The biggest challenge was overcoming the limitations of the engine itself. I chose RPG Maker because it's very easy to pick up, as I'm mainly an artist and I don't know anything about coding. But as time passed, I noticed that even when using countless scripts I couldn't achieve the battle system I had in mind for my game, which required timed button presses and numerous character animations. So one day I decided to try making the battle system from scratch, using only common events and script calls, and it worked smoothly. In the end it felt extremely satisfying to see something like that work as intended, and by experimenting with script calls and variables I at least learned something about coding.

Have any aspects of your project changed over time? How does your current project differ from your initial concept? *Domino: Like I said before, the game was initially conceived as a 2D platformer. Then, when I picked up the project again years later, I envisioned it as a bare-bones boss rush RPG with Weaver as the sole playable character. As I started adding more features like partners and equipment, I felt those would be wasted in a boss-only game and I finally decided to include random enemies. Since then the game hasn't changed much, but to this day I always find myself revisiting minor stuff like the design of some NPCs (and I should seriously stop doing that!).

What was your team like at the beginning? How did people join the team? If you don’t have a team, do you wish you had one or do you prefer working alone? *Domino: I prefer to work alone, as I am very picky about how characters and gameplay aspects are handled, but I still enjoy receiving feedback. I have a very close friend who doesn't actively work on the game, but always tell me what I'm doing right or wrong, and I find his help invaluable. So far I'm doing well one-man-armying the project, I will have to find a composer sooner or later though, since making music is the only thing I can't realistically do by myself.

What is the best part of developing the game? *Domino: Animating the character sprites and seeing them interact in battles is incredibly satisfying to me. Being an artist at heart I'd say spriting in general is my favorite aspect of game development. Another thing I absolutely adore is worldbuilding, researching the mythical beasts from all around the world and trying to incorporate them in the game by giving them my own spin.

Do you find yourself playing other RPG Maker games to see what you can do with the engine, or do you prefer to do your own thing? *Domino: I haven't played many RPG Maker games, but I did enjoy LISA the Painful and OneShot immensely. I was impressed by how far these two games in particular pushed the RPG Maker engine to its limit.

Which character in your game do you relate to the most and why? (Alternatively: Who is your favorite character and why?) *Domino: Self-inserting isn't something I like to do in games, so this is a hard question for me, but I think I can relate with Weaver, he mostly keeps to himself but he's always willing to help his friends and family.

Looking back now, is there anything that regret/wish you had done differently? *Domino: Yes, I regret not having started working on this project earlier and wasting too much time during the planning phase.

Once you finish your project, do you plan to explore the game’s universe and characters further in subsequent projects, or leave it as-is? *Domino: Absolutely! I would definitely love to expand the game's lore further through comics and other side projects.

What do you look most forward to upon/after release? *Domino: The sense of accomplishment of having completed and released a game! But deep down, the thing I'd love the most is having fans of my work and seeing my characters drawn by other artists.

Is there something you’re afraid of concerning the development or the release of your game? *Domino: The whole marketing part scares me. I really don't know how to promote my game, so getting it noticed is going to be pretty tough for me.

Do you have any advice for upcoming devs? *Domino: Oh man I am bad at this. I'd say... when starting, keep the scope of your game small. Make something that you, as a player, would enjoy playing. Don't try to follow trends and, most importantly, value every bit of constructive criticism, but remember that you can't always please everyone!

Question from last month’s featured dev @plueschkatzeart: How do you keep yourself motivated? *Domino: Sharing my progress on the blog for everyone to see is what keeps me motivated. Since I set myself the goal of posting at least once a week I've become more productive than ever. Of course, the positive response I receive from my followers also help. Another thing that encourages me to keep working on my game is seeing other developers succeed; that gives me hope and drives me to do my best!

We mods would like to thank Domino for agreeing to our interview! We believe that featuring the developer and their creative process is just as important as featuring the final product. Hopefully this Q&A segment has been an entertaining and insightful experience for everyone involved!

Remember to check out Folkloria if you haven’t already! See you next month!

- Mods Gold & Platinum

#rpgmaker #pixel games #indie games #pixel art #rpg maker #rpg maker mv #gotm #game of the month #folkloria #folkloriarpg #interview #upcoming games #april #april 2018 #2018

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carterhaughs · 6 years

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regardless of how this cassidy/eccarius thing shakes out it would be nice if eccarius really did value cassidy and have affection for him (and I think it’s more likely than not). at the same time I’m not sure whether that will be better or worse for cassidy when he realizes what eccarius has been doing to sustain his powers - feeding on other vampires :(((( and what if eccarius only went after cassidy to begin with bc he’s an older vampire who has...I guess you could say...aged like a fine wine and perhaps offers a more potent power boost bc of this?

even if eccarius’ behavior was purely predatory though I do think he genuinely cares for cassidy as a companion but only in a solidarity (and sexual) sense bc there don’t seem to be too many long-lived vampires around...he doesn’t have the deep familial love born of fire-forged friendship that jesse and tulip have with him, and I think the function of this arc will be for cassidy to realize that he’s actually chosen the hardest, most ethical path a vampire can take and he should give himself more credit for it - even if he has other failings of character, it seems he’s never engaged in recreational blood-drinking or turning, or at least so little in his adolescence that he never learned anything about vampiric powers (he only knew enough to tell Denis that in spite of the dark urgings all vampires have to deal with, they should only drink blood to heal). his low self-esteem, more so than his vampire impulses or plain old self-destructive human impulses, leads him to make bad choices more than his vampirism ever has (though his vampiric nature definitely has affected him - and he’s fought it admirably all things considered but he doesn’t truly believe that). and the sooner he realizes that, the sooner he can begin the path to self-actualization tulip and jesse have been on individually this season as well: nothing defines you more than your choices - not your past, not your family, not your “curse” whether it be vampirism or O’Hare-related, not the way everyone else chooses to define you. in the end we are the sum of our choices, and that is true of the family we choose as well - and for Cassidy, that family is Tulip and Jesse.

In spite of what he said to Tulip - that he “moves on” - it’s clear he doesn’t, or he wouldn’t be engaging in substance abuse to stave off the long darkness of the soul he enters without them. tulip and jesse, I strongly believe, were the first real solid family he’s had since the death of his blood family, and he needs them as they need him. it’s not surprising that he turned Lisa after she told him Eccarius was attempting to create a sort of global network of vampire families bc family is what he craves above all else. cassidy sometimes doesn’t trust his own instincts about a situation, even if they’re good, bc he’s as likely to think so far as vampirism is concerned that maybe he’s doing it all wrong - maybe it doesn’t have to be an endless cycle of losing those you love bc of what you are or bc of the relentless passage of time. it was lisa telling him that he could be part of something good and self-sustaining that convinced him. when that is revealed as illusory, he can begin to see that not only could tulip and jesse be that for him, but that he DESERVES that bc he is far better of a person than he would allow himself to believe.

#proinsias cassidy #my preacher meta #thrice damned #preacher

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readyplayerhobi · 6 years

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Life Is A Whisk

; Jin x Reader

; Genre: Fluff, Crack

; Word Count: 3.2k

; Synopsis: You have no problem with Kim Seokjin most of the time, in fact you even consider him to be handsome and funny and he feels the same about you. Until you are both placed into a kitchen, and then it becomes the battlegrounds for World War Three, the Bake-off edition.

; A/N: Lol honestly what even is this. I just got an idea in my head and this happened and it’s not even good so I’m sorry! I’M SORRY OKAY? Its probably got the wrong label genres too so idek.

Baking to you was an art form. While the Mona Lisa is truly a beautiful piece of artwork, it could only be experienced in its natural habit if you happened to be in the vicinity of Paris.

Only the most talented with a paintbrush, pen or pencil would be able to even attempt to reproduce the masterpiece that Leonardo da Vinci created over 500 years ago. But anyone could bake in your opinion; all you needed was some flour, eggs, butter, sugar and a little bit of time.

And just like art, the end result could vary drastically. A cake could look dubious, as if a 2 year old had created it out of Play-Doh, yet it could taste like an angel had blessed your tongue itself.

Alternatively, a cake could look so delicious it could seem like it had been created to grace the very halls of Buckingham Palace. But it could taste like the ashes of yesterdays regrets.

Yes, baking was an art form and in your ever so humble opinion, you were the best baker you knew. If only it weren’t for the annoying, and aggravatingly handsome, Kim Seokjin arguing that no, actually he was the best baker.

“Seokjin, you wouldn’t know what filo pastry is if it jumped up from the table and slapped you in the face.” You hiss at him from across the living room. He’s glaring at you, arms crossed over his broad chest as he scoffs and rolls his eyes.

Hoseok, sat next to him, lets out a long, suffering sigh and sinks lower into the cream coloured sofa in the hopes that he can sink away to his own house somehow. Namjoon catches Hoseok’s eye from his place next to you and grimaces, wishing desperately that no one had decided to turn on The Great British Bake Off in the first damn place.

Everyone knew that anything related to the world of baking and kitchens was to be treated like the shadow land in The Lion King. That’s dangerous land Jungkook; we don’t go there if we want peace amongst friends.

You’d been more than happy to watch your British counterparts baking and more than enjoyed the amusing puns that they constantly quipped. “It’s just not the same without Mel and Sue you know.” Jimin had whined at one point, which had you nodding in commiseration.

It had all been civil even, neither you nor Jin engaging in any arguments or back handed compliments. Honestly you were fine with each other when baking or cooking wasn’t involved, you would even say that he was a great friend to you – who you were also unreasonably attracted to.

But then Taehyung had made the dumb decision to ask who would win if they ever went on the show. And of course you’d decided to boldly proclaim that the winner would obviously be you because you were evidently the best baker in the room. Which had resulted in the current argument between you and Jin.

“I remember the last time you tried to make choux pastry Y/N. It’s so simply and yet I’ve never witnessed anything as disappointing and limp since I saw-“ Hoseok slaps a hand over Jin’s mouth at that, fully aware that some insult to one of the guys was incoming. It was one thing to watch you both argue, it was another to get everyone else involved.

You scowl furiously, rising up slightly out of your seat as you move to defend yourself and your amazing baking skills. A hand on your shoulder yanking you back down distracts you and you can’t help but glare at Yoongi’s hand.

“Why don’t you both have a bake off then? We’ll judge who’s the best.” Jungkook mutters quietly and you swear that if the intensity of the glares he’s getting from the others could be turned into a power source, you’d be able to power Seoul for a year.

Jin stares at him with wide eyes before a thoughtful look takes over his face. He sucks his lush, lower lip into his teeth as he simply watches you for a moment. His intense stare causes you to squirm slightly, he may be your mortal enemy in the kitchen but you were more than happy to say that he was quite possibly the most handsome man in the world.

“What would be the point? We’d just get angry at you all for whoever lost.” He mutters and you nod your head. The embarrassment and fury at losing would be far too much for you to handle and Jin was a hothead too.

“Oh come on, I’m sure we all knead to know who’s truly the best. Besides, you both like baking and we get to eat delicious sweet treats, so it’s a win-win for all of us. Why? Are you both too wimpy to rise to the occasion?” Taehyung smirks; completely nonplussed when everyone groans at his puns though Jin gives him a subtle nod of approval.

“Okay, I’m game for it. What about you Y/N? I think it’s the yeast you can do after bragging for so long. You and I with one kitchen and one winner. Batter the devil you know right?” Jin sits forward, leaning his elbows on his knees and the fact that he took Tae’s lead on the puns makes you want to roll your eyes. But instead you’re far too focused on how sinful his position makes his shoulders look. Particularly in that damn black turtleneck. It’s enough to make your mouth water.

You pause for a moment, taking in everyone’s faces as they look on in intrigue. While no one wants to witness World War Three: The Bake Off Edition, they’d all be willing to endure it for some good food you’re sure.

“Alright Jin, you’re on. We’ll see who’s the best.” Standing, you both shake hands and you try your best to ignore how damn good his hand feels. As you do so, the guys immediately drop into planning mode.

The competition was arranged for the following week on the Saturday. It gave you both plenty of time to prepare what you were going to create under the rules that the rest of your group had given you, which was mainly to be fair and don’t cheat. Or be an ass.

You’d both decided to let your friends make the challenges, which had resulted in frantic texts between them all as they tried to decide on what they wanted to eat for the first two days. The end result was three challenges.

1. A salted caramel cheesecake (Jungkook had begged for a cheesecake)

2. Black forest brownies (Namjoon demanded that at least something had to have fruit to be a little healthy)

3. Triple chocolate cookies (That had been the one everyone agreed on quickest)

Surprisingly, both Jin and you had complained that the challenges weren’t hard enough to test your skills. But the group had been firm, wanting to have food that was both quick enough to make but also wouldn’t result in you both strangling each other. That meant no filo pastry this time.

It actually surprised you how into the competition everyone was as they had all agreed to buy the ingredients themselves to prevent any ‘cheating’ from the two of you. You could still hear the ringing in your ears from Jin’s rant about that and honestly you agreed, how were you going to cheat exactly?

It had been decided that the competition was going to take place in the restaurant that Namjoon and Jin owned together before it opened up for the day, as none of you owned a kitchen with two ovens. Which was how you were stood in the middle of a high tech looking kitchen while you wrapped the cords of your cute Pokémon themed apron around your front.

“Ready to lose Y/N?” Jin teased lightly, his tone more playful than mean as his hand fluttering along your back lightly as he passed by behind you. Shivers erupted from the slight touch and you nodded, not entirely positive that you trusted your voice to speak for you.

The guys had had way too much fun setting up this whole competition, even going to the extent of decorating the kitchen to add some ‘ambience’ as Taehyung called it. Personally you just thought he wanted an excuse to decorate but whatever, it wasn’t something that you needed to focus on.

Both of you stood in front of your relevant work stations, surrounded by the baking bounties that would mix together to produce the most delicious food possible.

“Okay you argumentative fucks. Hopefully this will resolve any more arguments you have in the future. Remember…its mind over batter. Three, two, one…go!” Yoongi called out, a hand coming down like he was directing a drag race or something.

Hoseok glared at him and muttered out in disgust at the fact Yoongi had even got involved in the puns, but the blonde man simply gave a delighted gummy smile. They’d all agreed that they didn’t even care who won; they were just going to reap the yummy baked benefits and so the excitement was palpable amongst them.

“I hope you’re ready to lose.” Jin comments casually as he begins to measure out his ingredients. You sneer, though the striking figure he makes momentarily distracts you from making a comment back to him.

You immediately moved to grab the ingredients to start the cheesecake, deciding to tackle that first, as it had to wait the longest to cool down. This had been mentioned to Jungkook many times but he’d been adamant that he wanted a cheesecake and what Jungkook wanted, Jungkook got.

Out of the corner of your eye you notice Jin obviously deciding to do the same as he began to pour plain digestive biscuits into a bag and began to hammer it with a rolling pin to create the base of the cake.

As you both work, you find that there’s an almost comfortable silence between you two. It surprises you, as you’d have thought that there’d be more shit talking between the two. Not to say that there wasn’t shit talking every now and then.

“You beat your eggs really oddly, you know that?” Jin commented as he placed his almost finished cheesecake in the oven to bake for the final time. You frowned at the fact he’d worked so fast and cursed those delicious looking biceps of his for allowing him to work faster.

“Being a woman I’m not as acquainted with beating things as you are Jin.” There’s a snort of laughter from the peanut gallery and you eye Jimin making a jerking motion to the others with a smile. Jin scowls over at you, as he quickly cleans his dishes and begins to prepare for the brownies.

“Hilarious.” He whispers into your ear, causing you to shiver, as he moves past you to grab a fresh and clean whisk, evidently deciding not to bother cleaning his. As you pour in the cheese mixture on top of your cake, you can’t help but bite your lip as you admire his figure yet again before shaking your head and concentrating again.

The only noise for the next few minutes as you begin to focus on making the brownie batter, folding in the sour cherries with care, is the low murmuring from the guys. They’re already whining at the smell of cheesecake in the air and even you have to admit that it’s making you hungry.

“Hey Y/N, why did the chocolate cake go to the doctors?” Jin suddenly speaks up. You pause in the middle of pouring the batter into the baking tray and look up at him suspiciously.

“I don’t know, do I want to know?” Murmuring suspiciously, you look back at your task and wait for his response. Why he’s suddenly decided to make a joke is beyond you but this was Jin, he did things like this. Yoongi is already groaning at the punch line and he’s not even heard it.

“Because it was feeling crumby!” Almost immediately Jin is laughing while everyone groans, with the exception of Jimin who falls of his chair in laughter. You can’t help the corners of your lips rising and you let out a soft exhale of a laugh.

Having found an audience for his jokes who obviously couldn’t leave, Jin continues with both jokes and puns as you both begin the process of baking your cookies. You’re not sure if he’s being serious and simply wanting to make people laugh, or if he’s trying to distract you so that your stuff tastes bad but either way, you can’t help but giggle at him.

He also seems to keep finding reasons to invade your personal space, claiming that he needs a certain ingredient or utensil and leaning over you. If he thinks that he can spy on how you’re baking or distract you then he’s dead wrong.

Well, kind of wrong. He smells phenomenal and your nose would be as long as the equator if you said he didn’t make your stomach flip when he got close. Maybe that was his game.

With a tray of brownies and a rather delicious looking cheesecake cooling, you’re simply waiting on the two trays of cookies that you had made to finish baking. Everyone moves forward to help you both clean up and they all compliment you both on not tearing each other’s throats out.

“Honestly, I was expecting like some actual blood to fly. Whether it’s because you cut yourself or murdered each other. Congratulations on acting like grown adults and not 2 years olds.” Hoseok grins, patting you both on the shoulders proudly, despite the fact that Jin is older than him.

You glare at him and stick your tongue out, causing him to immediately revoke his previous comment for you. “We’re not that bad.” You grunt out. Jin laughs next to you, high pitched and loud.

“We kind of are Y/N.” He muses, staring at you deeply. You’re about to ask if there’s something on your face when he suddenly reaches out and wipes away some flour on your cheek with his thumb. Dumbstruck, you’re not entirely sure what to do and turn away to busy yourself with cleaning the bowls, cheeks flaming red.

It’s only been around an hour since the cheesecake finished baking and both Jin and you complain at the fact the guys won’t let them rest properly. They promptly ignore you and begin to cut into your masterpieces eagerly.

“They’re not going to taste as good as it would if you leave it! You’re not doing it right – dammit Jungkook!” You curse the younger man as he stuffs his mouth with a large piece. He simply grins at you, causing you to pull a face as his teeth are stained with chocolate.

A groan leaves him as his eyes flutter shut and Jimin makes the same noise next to him. On the other side of the table, Taehyung and Hoseok are also apparently having a sexual awakening as they try Jin’s.

Yoongi and Namjoon are too busy trying to stuff their face full of brownies, alternating between the two bakers. Both Jin and you stand there, antsy and impatiently awaiting their results before you both decide to try each other’s food as well.

You begrudgingly congratulate Jin, noting that his food tastes as delicious as he boasts. In fact it takes everything inside you to stop yourself your moaning at the burst of flavours on your tongue and you curse the fact that the man is not only wildly attractive but also unbelievably talented in the kitchen.

It takes a few more minutes of moaning, to which you ask them if they could wait until you leave the room for them to reach completion, before they finally discuss their opinions quietly on the other side of the room before giving their verdict.

Standing in front of you, they all look just a little blissed out from the food they’d just inhaled, and Jungkook looks like he might vibrate through the floor from his sugar overdose.

“Honestly, you both win. How are we supposed to choose between perfection?” Namjoon states, grinning as he grabs what must be his fourth cookie. Taehyung nods his head in agreement as he reaches for another brownie. Everything is almost gone already.

Both Jin and you stand in shock before you both begin to complain loudly at the unfairness of it all. “Why bother making us compete if you weren’t going to give the winner to one of us?” You glare at Jimin, causing an impish grin to spread across his face.

“Honestly, we just wanted some damn good food and we did say that we don’t care who wins. Besides! You both worked pretty well together, there was far less arguing than we thought so…everyone’s a winner right?” You grumble as you shove one of the remaining brownies into your own mouth, mentally cursing out everyone in the kitchen.

Jin chuckles suddenly and you glare at him. “Why are you laughing? You didn’t win either! We just basically made these empty pits food! All that effort wasted.” You gesture towards the boys, noting that none of them seem that bothered by your irritated words.

“I don’t know why you expected any different from them.” He states the obvious, raising his eyebrow at you. “Besides, it means I got to spend some time with you.”

You’re choking on your brownie then as the guys all ooh softly in the background, grins plastered on all their faces. With wide eyes, you look back at him and wonder if you’d just heard him right. Jin had always flirted with you, but you’d always thought it was just him being funny like always.

As you go to open your mouth to question him, he suddenly leans forward and seals his lips to yours. Shock renders you still as Jin’s soft, pliant lips move over your own, causing your eyes to flutter shut while Taehyung screams out “Finally!” in the background.

Jin pulls away slowly and gives you a grin, his eyes flickering down before a finger coming up to wipe away something from your bottom lip. He lifts it up to show you the chocolate now on his finger before sucking it into his mouth.

“Do you want to go on a date with me? I think we could bake each other really happy.” He murmurs softly, a grin spreading over his face as you go from swooning to frowning at his pun. Instead of responding to him verbally, you give him your answer by simply pulling him back down.

#bts fic #jin fic #jin scenario #jin fluff #jin crack #bts fluff #bts crack #seokjin fluff #seokjin crack #jin fanfic #bts fanfic

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patriotsnet · 3 years

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What Are The Republicans Saying About Impeachment

New Post has been published on https://www.patriotsnet.com/what-are-the-republicans-saying-about-impeachment/

What Are The Republicans Saying About Impeachment

Partisans Express Little Or No Confidence In The Senators On The Other Side Of The Aisle To Be Fair And Reasonable During Impeachment Trial

About four-in-ten say that Republicans in the Senate will be at least somewhat fair and reasonable during the trial, with just 17% saying they are very confident GOP senators will do this. Slightly more expect Democratic senators to be at least somewhat fair, though just 18% say they are very confident in this.

Opinions about the behavior of senators during the trial are similar to views about how House Republicans and Democrats would conduct themselves during the impeachment inquiry in a survey conducted in October.

As in October, these views largely fall along partisan lines. Most Republicans and Republican leaners say they are at least somewhat confident in Senate Republicans to be fair. By contrast, 85% of Republicans express little or no confidence in Democrats in the Senate – with 53% saying they are not at all confident.

Among Democrats and Democratic leaners, 78% are at least somewhat confident in Democrats to be fair during the trial, while 84% have little or no confidence in Senate Republicans – including 52% who express no confidence at all.

Only about one-in-ten Americans express at least some confidence that both parties will act fairly. About three-in-ten express confidence in Republican senators, but not confidence in Democrats and 36% are confident in Democrats, but not Republicans. One-in-five Americans are not too confident or not at all confident that either Republicans or Democrats will act fairly and reasonably during the impeachment trial.

In Trump’s 2019 Impeachment Trial Romney Was The Only Republican Who Voted To Convict Already Six Times That Many Have Broken With The Ex

A second defendant has stepped into the dock in this first week of Donald Trump’s impeachment trial. The brilliant work by the House managers contrasted with the inept showing by the former president’s counsel so far leaves no good excuse for anything other than a conviction. That one-sidedness puts the U.S. Senate itself on trial, threatening serious reputational, career and historical consequences for senators who fail do the right thing — vote to convict Trump.

As a trial lawyer who served as co-counsel for the first impeachment of then-President Trump, I had been expecting surprises and there were many. The House managers enlivened what was supposed to be a constitutional debate Tuesday by previewing their main argument: that Trump knowingly incited the insurrectionists. It’s amazing that Trump’s lawyers were caught off guard by this. We did the same thing in the 2019 impeachment trial, using the opening debate over whether to call witnesses to preview the entire case. Nevertheless, Trump’s counsel were thrown into confusion — they both showed it and one admitted that they’ll “have to do better.”

Capitol Police Chief Apologizes For Security Failures During The Assault Including A Delay In Calling For Guard Troops

The acting chief of the Capitol Police apologized to Congress on Tuesday for the agency’s extensive security failures on Jan. 6, acknowledging during a closed-door briefing that the department knew there was a “strong potential for violence” but failed to take adequate steps to prevent what she described as a “terrorist attack.”

Yogananda D. Pittman, the acting chief of police, also confirmed that the Capitol Police Board, an obscure panel made up of three voting members, had initially declined a request two days earlier for National Guard troops and then delayed for more than an hour as the violence unfolded on Jan. 6 before finally agreeing to a plea from the Capitol Police for National Guard troops, according to prepared testimony obtained by The New York Times.

In an extraordinary admission, Chief Pittman, who was not the acting chief at the time of the siege, told members of the House Appropriations Committee, which oversees funding for the agency, that the Capitol Police “failed to meet its own high standards as well as yours.” She added, “I am here to offer my sincerest apologies on behalf of the department.” Chief Pittman’s predecessor, Steven Sund, resigned after the riot.

Chief Pittman’s comments offered the fullest detailed account to date about police preparations for Jan. 6, when thousands of angry protesters, believing false claims that the election had been stolen, marched on the Capitol at the behest of former President Donald J. Trump.

While Most Republicans Are Likely To Vote To Acquit The Former President A Handful Of Votes Appear To Be In Play

@Rubinations

Former President Donald Trump’s impeachment trial on a charge of inciting the riot at the Capitol Jan. 6 begins with the battle lines clearly drawn. The partisan math makes it unlikely there will be the 67 votes necessary for a conviction. But at least a handful of Republican senators do appear to be in play to join what will likely be all the Democrats in voting to convict.

Forty-four of the Senate’s 50 Republicans voted Tuesday that the trial was unconstitutional because Mr. Trump has left office. Most legal experts disagree with that argument, but it was embraced by both the Trump defense team and even senators who believe he bears some responsibility for the riot, like Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell. Here are the most important Republican senators to watch during the second Trump impeachment trial.

Sen. Mitt Romney

Sen. Susan Collins

Ms. Collins has long held Trump at arm’s-length, especially when running successfully for a fifth term last year. Ms. Collins frequently falls back on a refrain that as a juror she can’t comment on impeachment proceedings until she gets to hear from the prosecution and the defense, but she has sharply criticized Trump’s conduct. “He incited them in the first place” and later failed to quell the violence by his supporters “by repeating his grievances and telling the rioters that he knew how they felt,” she wrote in a first-person account of Jan. 6 for the Bangor Daily News.

Sen. Lisa Murkowski

Among Gop Views Of Whether Trump Has Behaved Illegally Or Unethically Are Associated With Opinions On Removal

Among the two-thirds of Republicans who say Trump has definitely or probably not done things that are illegal, nearly all say that he should remain in office following the Senate trial. While a majority of the 32% of Republicans who say Trump has likely done illegal things either during the campaign or while in office also say he should remain in office , about four-in-ten say the president should be removed from office.

Janet Yellen The First Woman To Be Treasury Secretary Is Sworn In By The First Woman To Be Vice President

Janet L. Yellen was sworn in as the secretary of the Treasury Department on Tuesday by Vice President Kamala Harris, a history-making moment as both are the first women to hold two of the most powerful jobs in the United States government.

Ms. Yellen is the nation’s 78th Treasury secretary and the first woman to head the institution in its 232-year history. She is also the first woman to have held all three top economic jobs in the government, having served as chair of the Federal Reserve and the Council of Economic Advisers.

She is taking the job at a time of economic crisis, with millions still out of work and the recovery slowing as the coronavirus persists. Ms. Yellen will quickly be thrust into fraught negotiations over how to design and pass a robust stimulus package to help revive an economy that has been hammered by the pandemic.

Standing outside the White House, Ms. Yellen took the oath of office with her husband, the economist George Akerlof, and her son by her side. At the conclusion of the ceremony, Ms. Harris said, “Congratulations, Madam Secretary,” to which Ms. Yellen replied, “Thank you, Madam Vice President.”

Ms. Yellen said on Twitter that she was proud to be joining the Treasury Department and described the field of economics, and the agency’s mission, as one that can “right past wrongs and improve people’s lives.”

transcript

Capitol Riot Investigation Will Slow As Officials Work To Build More Complicated Cases Justice Dept Says

Justice Department officials said on Tuesday that the fast-moving federal investigation into the assault on the Capitol is expected to slow as investigators turn their attention to more complex matters such as conspiracy and sedition cases, the investigation into the death of Officer Brian D. Sicknick of the Capitol Police and violent attacks on members of the press.

In the 20 days since rioters stormed the Capitol, the F.B.I. has received over 200,000 digital media tips and identified more than 400 suspects. Federal prosecutors quickly charged 150 criminal cases, many of which have now been elevated to felonies.

But the manhunt and investigation is expected to “reach a period of a plateau,” said Michael R. Sherwin, the U.S. attorney in Washington, as investigators shift from identifying and rounding up individuals to putting together more complicated conspiracy cases related to possible coordination among militia groups and individuals from different states who had planned to travel to the Capitol and engage in criminal conduct before the attack.

“We have to have the proper evidence to charge these, and we’re going to get it,” said Steven M. D’Antuono, the F.B.I. assistant deputy in charge of the Washington field office. “All these cases are not based upon social media and Twitter and Instagram posts. We also have traditional law enforcement tools we need to use — grand jury subpoenas search warrants — and you don’t get that overnight.”

Senator Patrick Leahy 80 Is Briefly Hospitalized As A Precaution After He Reported Feeling Unwell

Senator Patrick J. Leahy of Vermont, the longest-serving senator and the president pro tempore, was briefly taken to a hospital in Washington for observation early Tuesday evening after he reported not feeling well, his spokesman said. He returned home a few hours later after an evaluation.

Mr. Leahy, whose position in the Senate puts him third in line for the presidency, oversaw the start of the impeachment proceedings against former President Donald J. Trump earlier on Tuesday. At 80, Mr. Leahy is one of the oldest senators and has served in the Senate since 1975.

After he reported not feeling well in his office, Mr. Leahy “was examined in the Capitol by the attending physician,” said David Carle, the spokesman. “Out of an abundance of caution, the attending physician recommended that he be taken to a local hospital for observation, where he is now, and where he is being evaluated.”

Mr. Leahy was taken to George Washington University Hospital, where he received tests and “a thorough examination” before being released, Mr. Carle said.

The senator “looks forward to getting back to work,” Mr. Carle said.

Mr. Leahy has received both vaccine shots for the coronavirus, and it was unclear what his symptoms were.

Senator Charles E. Grassley, Republican of Iowa and Mr. Leahy’s predecessor as president pro tempore, was among those who wished Mr. Leahy well in a tweet Tuesday evening.

Republicans Have Questioned The Constitutionality Of The Trial To Prevent It From Moving Forward

Day one of Trump’s second impeachment trial was primarily focused on debates about its constitutionality, since Republicans have increasingly argued that it’s unconstitutional to try a former president — even though most legal scholars disagree, a fact Democratic House impeachment managers emphasized Tuesday.

As Vox’s Ian Millhiser has explained, a majority of legal scholars have concluded that holding an impeachment trial for a former president would be constitutional. However, the precedent for how to handle the impeachment of a former government official is less clear: In 1876, Secretary of War William Belknap faced a Senate trial after he had already resigned, and though a majority voted to proceed with the trial, two-thirds did not vote to convict, with multiple lawmakers citing concerns about the proceedings’ constitutionality.

The House impeachment managers and Trump’s counsel presented their respective arguments on this matter Tuesday, with Democrats emphasizing that impeachment is still viable for officials who’ve left office because the Constitution’s authors intended it as a way to ensure accountability, while Trump’s attorneys tried to paint the trial as a partisan effort for political gain.

Trump won’t be convicted. Impeachment is still worth it.

Ultimately, as the result of the final constitutionality vote suggests, their arguments seemed only to reaffirm where senators, on both sides of the aisle, already stood.

Gop Senators Signal They Plan To Acquit Trump Despite Visceral Presentation By House Democrats

The House impeachment managers presented senators with videos of their colleagues fleeing a pro-Trump mob, which breached the US Capitol shouting “stop the steal.” They showed the rioters searching for then-Vice President Mike Pence and House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, and rummaging through the senators’ desks on the chamber floor.

Some of the Trump supporters were dressed in tactical gear, armed with zip-ties. Others held Trump 2020 flags, broke windows with poles and set up a gallows for Pence, who was constitutionally obligated to oversee the certification of the 2020 presidential election, and the peaceful transfer of power to the Democrats.

Key moments from the second day of Trump’s impeachment trial

But even after witnessing the deadly violence firsthand, and being reminded of it again at the scene of the crime, many Republican senators appeared no closer on Wednesday to convicting former President Donald Trump on the charge of “incitement of insurrection.”

While they were struck by the impeachment managers’ presentation, these Republicans said that the House Democrats did not prove Trump’s words led to the violent actions. They compared the January 6 riot to last summer’s racial justice protests and criticizedhow the trial is being handled.

Sen. Lindsey Graham said he couldn’t believe “we could lose the Capitol like that” but added that it didn’t change his mind on whether to acquit Trump during the trial.

How will GOP senators ignore this?

Others were clearly moved.

Biden Calls Putin To Discuss Navalny Government Hack Ukraine And Malign Actions By Russia

President Biden called President Vladimir V. Putin of Russia on Tuesday to address a long list of grievances — from the hacking of U.S. federal agencies, to the poisoning and detention of the Russian dissident Aleksei A. Navalny as well as a host of other “malign actions by Russia,” Jen Psaki, the White House press secretary, said.

Mr. Biden struck a more confrontational tone — a sharp break from former President Donald J. Trump’s chummy approach to Mr. Putin — committing to the protection of Ukraine’s “sovereignty,” and pressing for the extension of the New Start treaty for five years, which would limit both countries to 1,550 deployed strategic nuclear weapons.

“President Biden made clear that the United States will act firmly in defense of its national interests in response to actions by Russia that harm us or our allies,” according to a White House readout of the conversation. “The two presidents agreed to maintain transparent and consistent communication going forward.”

When Mr. Biden was asked at an event at the White House on Tuesday what Mr. Putin had to say, the president joked, “He sends his best!”

Mr. Biden attacked Mr. Trump and Mr. Putin with abandon during the 2020 campaign. But although he was able to mock Mr. Trump’s relationship with the Russian leader when he was a candidate, as president he must keep the peace between uneasy nuclear rivals.

But he quickly pivoted to the need for cooperation in “mutual self-interest,” and the treaty.

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Lloyd Austin The New Defense Secretary Prepares To Address Sexual Assault In The Military

After years of failure to curb the scourge of sexual assault in the military, Lloyd J. Austin III, the new secretary of defense, is open to to how those crimes are prosecuted, a potential sea change that generations of commanders have resisted.

Overhauling the way the military handles sexual assault cases — by taking them outside the chain of command and assigning them to prosecutors with no connection to the accused — would need approval by Congress, where some legislators have long pushed for such a system.

President Biden has been a vocal proponent of these changes, even as general after general has gone to Capitol Hill to argue against them over the past decade. “I had a real run-in with one of the members of the Joint Chiefs in the cabinet room on the issue,” Mr. Biden said last year at a fund-raiser.

Mr. Austin’s first act as secretary was to order a review of how the Pentagon has been handling sexual assault cases. He is also being pushed by Congress. Senators repeatedly asked him how he planned to handle the problems of sexual harassment and assault in the military during his confirmation hearing this month.

If Mr. Austin, a retired four-star army general, were to embrace these changes, he would be the first secretary to do so, a major shift in position for the Pentagon.

The Capitol Attack Wasnt A False Flag Gop Officials Continue To Spread The Theory Anyway

In the hours after supporters of President Donald J. Trump engaged in a violent assault on the U.S. Capitol, some Republicans began advancing a fantastical alternative theory: that the attack was actually led by far-left activists trying to frame Republicans.

The outlandish claims have been widely discredited by the authorities, and some of the faces in the Capitol crowd were recognizable right-wing figures. The numerous arrests since the assault have overwhelmingly involved devoted Trump supporters and far-right adherents. But despite the clear evidence, the so-called false flag theory continues to persist in Republican circles.

Last week, the Oregon Republican Party passed a resolution falsely claiming that there was “growing evidence that the violence at the Capitol was a ‘false flag’ operation designed to discredit President Trump, his supporters and all conservative Republicans.” Bill Currier, the chairman of the Oregon Republican Party, said in a video discussion that state party officials were working with counterparts across the country to “coordinate our messaging” around the Capitol attack, the response to it and the continuing efforts to impeach the president.

Mr. Currier said other states would be adopting similar resolutions. “There will be many states doing this,” Mr. Currier said. “We’re not the only ones.”

Most Senate Republicans Back Measure Saying Trump Impeachment Trial Is Unconstitutional

Dareh Gregorian

Senate Republicans voted Tuesday for a measure that would have declared the impeachment proceedings against former President Donald Trump unconstitutional because he is no longer in office.

The motion, by Sen. Rand Paul, R-Ky., was defeated by a vote of 55-45, showing that Democrats have an uphill climb to secure the 67 votes needed for a conviction. Among those who voted for the motion was Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell, R-Ky., who has said he is undecided whether to convict Trump and who worked on the trial calendar with Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer, D-N.Y.

McConnell, when he was majority leader, rebuffed Democrats’ efforts to hold the trial while Trump was in office.

Senators were sworn for Trump’s second impeachment trial earlier Tuesday, a day after House impeachment managers delivered to the Senate the article of impeachment accusing Trump of incitement of insurrection in the Capitol riot this month.

The senators were given the oath by Patrick Leahy, D-Vt., the president pro tempore of the Democratic-controlled Senate.

“Do you solemnly swear that in all things appertaining to the trial of Donald John Trump, former president of the United States, now pending, you will do impartial justice according to the Constitution and the laws, so help you God?” Leahy asked the assembled senators.

Leahy is presiding over the trial instead of Chief Justice John Roberts because Trump is a former president.

Majorities Of Americans Say It Is Likely That Trump Has Acted Illegally Or Unethically

About six-in-ten Americans think that Donald Trump has probably or definitely done things that are illegal either during the 2016 election campaign or during his time in office. Slightly more say he has probably or definitely done things that are unethical.

More than nine-in-ten Democrats and about one-third of Republicans say he has definitely or probably done illegal things, while 90% of Democrats and 47% of Republicans say he has definitely or probably done things that are unethical.

About two-thirds of Democrats express certainty that Trump has done things that are illegal, including 79% of liberal Democrats and 55% of moderate and conservative Democrats.

Republicans are much less likely than Democrats to say that Trump has definitely done illegal things, with only 8% saying this. However, an additional 23% say he has probably done illegal things.

About half of moderate and liberal Republicans say that Trump has probably or definitely done things that are illegal . Just 20% of conservative Republicans say this.

The proportion of Democrats saying Trump has probably or definitely done unethical things is nearly identical to the proportion saying he has done illegal things . Among Republicans, more say that Trump has probably or definitely acted unethically than say he has probably or definitely acted illegally .

Stacey Plaskett Addresses Emotional Toll Of Seeing Black Women Used In Trump Defense

“Those 43 who voted to acquit the president did so because they were afraid of him, because they were more interested in party and in power than they were in our country and in duty to their Senate oath,” she added.

Plaskett said Trump “will be forever tarnished” by the impeachment.

“I think it leaves him for all history — our children and my grandchildren will see in history that this was the most despicable despot attempting to become a fascist ruler over a country that was founded in democracy,” she said.

President Biden said the attack on the Capitol “has reminded us that democracy is fragile.” Above, Biden speaks during a visit Thursday to the National Institutes of Health in Bethesda, Md. Evan Vucci/APhide caption

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President Biden said the attack on the Capitol “has reminded us that democracy is fragile.” Above, Biden speaks during a visit Thursday to the National Institutes of Health in Bethesda, Md.

President Biden responded to the Senate’s acquittal of Donald Trump on Saturday by reminding Americans that truth must be defended, saying the impeachment of the former president was a stark illustration of the danger posed to democracy by lies, misinformation and extremism.

And Biden said that although Trump was acquitted, his actions in the lead-up to the Jan. 6 insurrection were not “in dispute.”

Trump Lawyer: His Call To Georgia Officials To ‘find’ Votes Was Taken Out Of Context

Trump’s lawyers largely sidestepped Trump’s false claims of election fraud. Sen. Bernie Sanders, I-Vt., asked during the question-and-answer session: “Are the prosecutors right when they claim that Trump was telling a big lie, or in your judgment did Trump actually win the election?”

Trump lawyer Michael van der Veen shot back, “My judgment? Who asked that?”

“I did,” Sanders replied.

“My judgment is irrelevant,” van der Veen said.

“You represent the president of the United States!” Sanders yelled back before Sen. Patrick Leahy, the presiding officer, gaveled the chamber back to order.

Trump’s rhetoric about widespread fraud and a stolen election was false, dismissed by many courts stemming from dozens of lawsuits filed by the Trump campaign and allies across several key states.

How The Seven Republicans Who Voted To Convict Trump Later Explained Their Decisions

“The evidence is compelling that President Trump is guilty of inciting an insurrection against a coequal branch of government and that the charge rises to the level of high crimes and misdemeanors,” said Senator Richard Burr, who is retiring at the end of his term in 2022.

Senator Bill Cassidy said he voted “guilty” because that’s what Trump was, and that “Our Constitution and our country is more important than any one person.”

“Instead of preventing a dangerous situation, President Trump created one,” explained Senator Susan Collins, referencing how primed the January 6 crowd of Trump supporters was for violence. “And rather than defend the Constitutional transfer of power, he incited an insurrection with the purpose of preventing that transfer of power from occurring.”

Explained Senator Lisa Murkowski: “If I can’t say what I believe that our president should stand for, then why should I ask Alaskans to stand with me?”

Senator Mitt Romney said the House managers proved their case, adding that Trump incited an insurrection “despite the obvious and well known threats of violence that day. President Trump also violated his oath of office by failing to protect the Capitol, the vice president, and others in the Capitol. Each and every one of these conclusions compels me to support conviction.”

After Speaking Out On Impeachment Herrera Beutler Heads Toward Clash With Her Party

“The people who stormed this building believed they were acting on the wishes and instructions of their president,” he said, “and having that belief was a foreseeable consequence of the growing crescendo of false statements, conspiracy theories and reckless hyperbole which the defeated president kept shouting into the largest megaphone on planet Earth.”

McConnell rebuked Trump for his actions after the insurrection as well.

“He did not do his job. He didn’t take steps so federal law could be faithfully executed and order restored,” he continued.

“No. Instead, according to public reports, he watched television happily — happily — as the chaos unfolded,” he said. “Even after it was clear to any reasonable observer that Vice President Pence was in serious danger.”

But McConnell said that the process of impeachment and conviction is a “limited tool” and that he believes Trump is not “constitutionally eligible for conviction.”

“The Constitution gives us a particular role. This body is not invited to act as the nation’s overarching moral tribunal,” he said.

He said that the text of the question of constitutionality is “legitimately ambiguous” and that he “respects” his colleagues for reaching either the conclusion to acquit or convict.

Seven Republicans broke ranks with their party in voting for a conviction.

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Michael van der Veen, defense lawyer for former President Donald Trump, gives closing arguments during Trump’s second impeachment trial on February 13, 2021.

Trump’s Defense Closes Its Case By Saying Impeachment Trial Is A ‘complete Charade’

Manager Rep. Joe Neguse of Colorado rebutted the defense’s argument that Trump has been denied due process.

“We had a full presentation of evidence, adversarial presentations, motions. The president was invited to testify. He declined. The president was invited to provide exculpatory evidence. He declined. You can’t claim there’s no due process when you won’t participate in the process,” he said.

He noted that impeachment is separate and distinct from the criminal justice system.

“Why would the constitution include the impeachment power at all, if the criminal justice system serves as a suitable alternative once a President leaves office?” he asked. “It wouldn’t.”

Neguse also sought to address an allegation raised by defense attorneys, that the impeachment trial was rooted in hate. He turned to a quote from Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.: “I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear.”

“This trial is not born from hatred,” said Neguse. “Far from it. It’s born from love of country. Our country. Our desire to maintain it. Our desire to see America at its best.”

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On Saturday morning, senators voted to hear from Republican Rep. Jaime Herrera Beutler as a witness in the impeachment trial. Later, an agreement allowed a statement by her into the record without calling her.

The Senate impeachment trial of former President Donald Trump won’t be hearing from witnesses after all.

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The White House Press Briefings Will Include An American Sign Language Interpreter

The Biden administration announced this week that it would include an American Sign Language interpreter in its daily press briefings, a step that the previous administration avoided taking until a court ordered it to do so late last year.

The move is a “historical first,” according to Howard A. Rosenblum, the chief executive officer of the National Association of the Deaf.

Past administrations have occasionally had A.S.L. briefers at some White House events and meetings, Mr. Rosenblum said, but President Biden is the first to make it a fixture.

“The president is committed to building an America that is more inclusive, more just and more accessible for every American, including Americans with disabilities and their families,” Jen Psaki, the White House press secretary, said during Monday’s briefing. She introduced the interpreter as Heather.

Last year, Mr. Rosenblum’s advocacy group and five deaf Americans sued the Trump administration for holding briefings on the coronavirus without a sign language interpreter present, arguing that it was a violation of the First Amendment.

The government responded that it had provided closed-captioning, but the plaintiffs said that was not an adequate substitute. A federal judge in Washington sided with the plaintiffs, and the Trump administration started including an interpreter in November.

Stacey Plaskett: Trump Trial Needed ‘more Senators With Spines Not More Witnesses’

Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell, R-Ky., and West Virginia GOP Sen. Shelley Moore Capito both cited constitutional concerns in their decision to vote to acquit Trump.

Virgin Islands House Del. Stacey Plaskett, another impeachment manager, told NPR’s Weekend Edition that they didn’t “reverse course” on witnesses but instead succeeded in adding Herrera Beutler’s statement describing a conversation between House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy and Trump as the attack was ongoing.

“I know that people have a lot of angst and they can’t believe that the Senate did what they did . But what we needed were senators, more senators with spines, not more witnesses,” Plaskett said.

Sen. Chris Coons, D-Del., a close ally of President Biden, reportedly urged House managers to relent on witnesses. He told ABC’s This Week on Sunday that spending “months fighting over witnesses” wouldn’t have been worth it.

“What the House managers needed wasn’t more witnesses or more evidence, what we all needed was more Republican courage,” he said. “This was the most bipartisan verdict in American history, a strong rebuke to President Trump, but frankly at the end of the day, the trial had reached its natural conclusion.”

Seven Republican senators voted to convict Trump, after 10 GOP House members voted to impeach Trump for inciting the mob that breached the U.S. Capitol.

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