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jessequinones · 6 months

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Writing Lesson: Remembering the Past

I moved from the United States of America to Australia and since then I’ve tried to rewatch some cartoons from my childhood, mainly ones from either Cartoon Network or Boomerang and I can't find them. They're not on any streaming services and I can’t buy physical copies because they’re extremely expensive. Sure Tubi might have some old cartoons such as Popeye or the original Superman, but I didn’t grow up with them. I wanted to rewatch cartoons from the 60s-early 2000s, shows such as The Jetsons, Flintstones, Yogi Bear, the original Animaniacs, Dexters Laboratory, you get the picture.

So why am I bringing all of this up when it comes to writing? Well it got me thinking that yes, while these shows were racist, and aged like milk being left out in the sun, I would argue that it’s still important to rewatch them. Not just for nostalgia shake but as a writer it’s a good idea to remember the past so we don’t repeat it.

I know, “if you don’t remember the past you’ll be doomed to repeat it” but the thing about that saying is, it’s not actually wrong, but I think it get’s overused so no one understands why we say it.

Stories change and evolve over time. The stories we read and were told as kids, might not be the same ones we tell our children because it doesn’t work for them and that’s ok. Stories are supposed to evolve over the years because they show that we as humans are evolving as well. However, if we start to no longer show the past what lessons can we learn to improve?

You see history is a funny thing, if we know our history and the lessons it brings we can do stuff to avoid making the same mistakes as the previous generations. However, if the previous generation's mistakes are lost in time, how can we avoid them if we don’t know what those mistakes are to begin with?

That’s what the saying means. Remember the mistakes our parents, grandparents, great grandparents and so on so we don’t make those same mistakes. This is one of the reasons why every couple of generations society seems to go backwards since the mistakes of the past are being forgotten or ignored and we do them again.

Now I’m not one of those people who think we should stay in the past, life was better back in the old days because let’s be honest, it wasn’t. We were just kids and didn’t understand how the world works. I think we should be able to tell new stories while also not wiping the old ones from existence just because the old ones no longer make money. Of course, they aren’t going to make money the people who like old things are old and there'll always be fewer old people compared to younger ones.

All I'm saying is that if we could keep the old stuff available for as long as possible, we should try and do so. Is the past embarrassing and racist? Yes, but so are we. As a society, many stories are being told that I already know aren’t going to age well in the next couple of decades but we shouldn’t forget about them. Keep learning, keep improving, keep being better.

If you want to reread some old books as a bit of a history project I got some for you. "The Giving Tree", "Gone with the Wind", "Lolita" (my god is that a bad story, why was that ever popular?) "The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn", "Stranger in a Strange Land". I could go on but those are some classic stories that it would be best not to forget about them. It’s important to understand why they were popular and what newer lessons we can get from them.

I also understand history for most people is kind of a boring subject, and while I don’t have advice on how to make learning fun. Perhaps if you’re a writer, and don’t want to read some old books in the genre you writing in, there might be a Youtube video you could put on or something? I’m not asking anyone to do a ten-page history report, just to try and remember some of the mistakes that were being taught in the old days so we could create new and more progressive ones instead of just repeating the same mistakes and never moving forward.

#writing #writeblr #book #books #history #writers of tumblr #authors of tumblr #bookblr #the giving tree #Stranger in a strange land #gone with the wind #The adventures of Huckleberry Finn #mark twain #writing lessons #the jetsons #the flintstones #dexters laboratory #yogi bear #animaniacs

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cosmeticsandcontrollers · 7 months

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How to support your adult loved one when they come out as trans:

Since you’ve found this essay, it can only be assumed that you are looking for guidance in how to support this person. You may be afraid of messing up- either because you care about harming this person, or because you don’t want to embarrass yourself. The safest thing you can do is show them you care about them, you trust that they know what’s best, and that you’re along for the ride.

1. Own up to your first reaction

Let’s assume this loved one came out to you during an in-person visit. You probably didn’t react perfectly. But that’s okay. You may have even said the dreaded “you’re my daughter and I’ll always love you” to your trans child that no longer identifies as a woman.

They may want to discuss your reaction at a later date. Own up to any mistakes that you made, and understand that what they remember from the interaction was probably more accurate, as it’s about their life and identity.

2. Show them that you still want to be as or more involved in their lives.

One of the biggest fears a newly out trans person might have is that they will lose loved ones in the process. Not only does this change someone’s view of an important relationship, it means they have less support. Before their visit ends, make sure that you’ve made plans to see them again sometime soon. The more time you spend together, the easier new names, pronouns, and terms will be.

When making plans with them use their name in follow-up and confirmation texts, and ask if there are any safety concerns they will need addressed. Knowing that someone is also thinking about their safety can help them know you care about them.

3. Practice their name and pronouns.

Usually, when someone comes out, they will want someone to use a different name, pronouns, and terms for them than they used previously. A frequent response to this is “I’ve always called you X, it’s too hard for me to call you Y, and I’m not going to worry about it,”. That’s not your call to make, and shows the person that you are not willing to change your behavior for their well-being.

One way to practice a new name or pronouns for someone is to talk about them to someone who is aware of the transition, or to write stories about them. It helps to connect “person” with “name” and “realistic situation”.

For example: “I think Sadie plans to visit the Grand Canyon this summer. I wonder if she’s ever seen a canyon before. She may have to borrow some camping equipment.” This sentence doesn’t have to be true, but gives us an opportunity to practice speaking without the embarrassment of being corrected.

4. Learn how to be corrected.

You may have this preconceived notion that trans people love to correct cis people. Most of us actually hate it, as it draws more attention to us and can lead to arguments. A short “thank you,” after being corrected shows that you won’t make it our problem.

5. Do your own research.

There’s an abundance of online resources about gender identity, and the history of trans people in our society. Seek out resources from trans writers, researchers, and doctors for more accurate information; as many websites marketed to the family members of trans people share misinformation.

Ask your loved one what news sources they like, and maybe even follow some of their favorite trans celebrities on social media to normalize seeing celebrated trans people.

6. Understand that things may change.

Your loved one may start wearing clothes that you aren’t used to, may have different life goals, and may change their opinions on things that you thought were set in stone.

When I came out to my parents, I told them that I would never pursue a medical transition, and now I’m six months on hormone replacement therapy. I said I wanted to have biological kids, but now I want to foster teens instead. What I thought was best for me changed. And that’s okay. You’re just along for the ride.

#coming out #transmasc #transfem #trans ally

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louisisalarrie · 5 months

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Thanks for answering my ask, the bbg ending one. Your response has given me quite a bit to think about! Yes, I haven’t been here since the beginning, but from what you said about B she used to post a lot of F content? She really doesn’t seem to have gotten anything much out of this whole deal when you think of what she might have achieved. Crazy. And what you said about using it as a scandal for publicity- bless poor L, I think the fact that he fought so hard against it in the first place, and so many people know that (I mean we’re all still talking about it) means that the end could be very messy and not in a good way for him. I suppose I’m saying that the thing that would benefit him most to work towards ending it without ending his career is for people to forget it’s not real, to go along with the narrative, maybe? It’s so tough though, isn’t it, considering all the evidence that’s out there?

I think our society, the way we are encouraged to view and judge others (those with celebrity), seemingly for our entertainment, and to stop us from involving ourselves in important topics, is awful. And the fact that everything is set up to push groups of people to pretend to be other than they are to benefit those with all the power (rich older white men most of the time) is so sad. When there’s such beautiful diversity that should be celebrated rather than squashed. Sorry for rambling, got on my soap box a bit there! But thanks again for making your blog somewhere to dive into difficult topics! 🩵

Never apologise for rambling, anon. Love to hear your thoughts! 🧡

Yeah, B used to post F a fair bit. That whole family was very involved and would post F non stop and talk about louis and really do anything that could get them attention from the fandom. It was super yucky and weird. Even if you did believe F was louis’ kid, having the baby’s face all over the internet all the time was super inappropriate as he’s a minor. And then the photoshopped pics she posted? And posting photos that aren’t even her but saying it’s her baby bump? It was a hot mess.

And absolutely, I agree with you how horrific the entertainment industry is. Fans, and the general public, are told what to think about a certain person. We’re fed narratives to keep us buying magazines, clicking on websites, talking about celebs online, and buying tickets to their shows. Without us, celebs are nothing. They don’t make money and can’t have a career and so PR happens through whatever means possible. PR can be minor, or it can be a huge scandal. It just needs to grab attention and headlines, no matter the narrative. BUT horrible crazy huge narratives like “louis is a shit dad and goes clubbing and fucks a million girls and doesn’t support his son” stay in the media longer than “louis donates £1,00,000 to a children’s hospital”, because no “sources” can comment on that positive headline. But “sources who are close to louis” can keep adding tidbits to a negative headline, and therefore, can keep a developing story going and louis in the headlines. And us, in turn, would give it more publicity by fighting against that narrative.

Sure, we can make up our own minds about it that contradict the narrative (us larries, for example), but that’s because we’ve dug deep and been here for so long and read theories and talk about it. The general public see a catchy headline, and it sticks. They don’t bother looking into it further. Why should celebs be themselves, when they can make more money by being someone else?

Also, Larry coming out, whether it was gonna be during 1d or years from now, is a huge scandal. It’s always in their PR team’s back pocket. The boys want to, so they keep dangling it in front of them, and it’s gonna be a moment that goes down in history. The headlines would be swaaaamped with larry, and larry content from the 1d days, for months. Sources can add so much to it, there’s so many larry fans and fan content to show, so many theories the headlines can hint at, so it’s major and everyone is happy when that finally happens. Everyone is happy and the team have gotten an insane amount of money and larry are happy and most of their fans are cool with it. But there’s still so much homophobia in the industry, and in the world.

Louis has fans that believe he’s straight, because he is portrayed to be, but hey! we’re still here, aren’t we? And we don’t believe that. But if he came out as gay, well, it’s not a thing to hide that you’re straight by pretending to be gay. So the homophobes and antis/whatever fans don’t like larry, won’t stay. Ya know?

#anon #answered #bbg

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beatnikchick · 6 months

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Commercialism Manifesto

Defying age has nothing to do with denying age. It has more to do with denouncing the concept of the chronological progression arbitrarily implemented by a system that benefits from us dying. 50 was meant to make you feel old, they benefited from selling “age defying” formulas. They benefited from you dying before you could collect social security; ergo, if 50 is old you would feel ancient by 62.

It’s the same with the food pyramid. They wanted to sell more food so you need four food groups, and 1400-2000 calories a day; when, historically through thousands of years this was never true. We are consumers, we are their marks. Nothing we have been taught is for our benefit. It is to sell something. Don’t randomly eat or snack because society says to eat three meals, and two snacks a day. Eat when you’re hungry, and stop when you aren’t.

All shampoos are essentially made with the same garbage, stop searching for the one that’s going to fix your hair, it doesn’t exist. Your hair is that way because you are trained to pay top dollar for chemical treatments that destroy your scalp and hair. Your mother did it, and your grandmother did it but your great grandmother couldn’t afford it nor did she have the time, and her hair did look better. Blondes don’t have more fun but it sure cost a small fortune to find that out, and that’s what they are counting on.

Stop buying diamond rings that cost 6 times your rent to prove that you love someone. The way traditional diamonds are ascertained is inhumane anyway. But besides that they have vaults and vaults full of them. They are not rare gems. They are overpriced rocks that literally have only the value De Beers company (do not ignore the blood on their hands, it’s criminal what they are responsible for) taught to see in them.

This is the post World War 2 conditioning that the American government took from Hitler. Basically that we are their consumerist monkeys that weren’t being utilized to their full potential. This is why you feel suffocated by consumerism. This is why they price gouge everything because they know we will eventually adapt, and pay.

Stop adapting. Reject the system. Unlearn what you’ve learned from two generations of people who were guinea pigs pitted against each other to “keep up with the Joneses”.

Who are you before they told you who to be, and what has value? What has value to you that doesn’t have a price tag? Don’t just say what you were taught to say. Even that, kith and kin, family and friends. That goes without saying. We were taught to say it in defense of all your monetary expenditures. “Of course I like my things but my family comes first”. How many times have you heard that. Paging Captain Obvious.

What is important to you? Let’s assume it’s already family and friends. Do you value nature, do you value a quiet evening reading, do you value art and music? Try to find things that you value that don’t come with a price tag. Another one is, “well I like to spend money”. Do you though, do you like being in debt? Do you love that second mortgage? Do you love getting divorced because your husband or wife doesn’t want to work until they’re dead to pay for your lifestyle, and love of spending money? That high you get is you filling a void that you were conditioned to fill.

You were introduced to commercials at a vulnerable age. You were taught that when you were sad (remember the kid was always sad before getting the toy or food) that when you got this shiny thing you would feel happy. Just like a good guinea pig you were conditioned as the perfect specimen to buy the shiny things, and work until you’re dead to pay for them.

You were not born to work, pay bills, and die. You feel that there is something unnatural about this existence because there is. Exist for yourself, for your friends and family, for experiences. That does not mean there is not responsibility. The chores still need to get done, and yes, money is a part of the system that we are all unfortunately prey to, so working is required. However, work to pay for your needs, and value your time over your preconceived wants.

Your time is something they value. It’s really the only thing they value aside from their God, money. They need you more than you need them. Without you they wouldn’t be flying around in jets, and eating at restaurants with food that cost as much as your rent or mortgage. Make your time invaluable. Make it the most precious thing in your life because it is. It’s the only thing that is truly yours.

You would argue that your body is. I would argue that the fact that you are subjected to god only knows what since the FDA lowered their standards in the 90s by a good 40K, and steadily have been cutting out the rest of the requirements. The fact that the air we breathe, and the water we drink are polluted that our bodies are not our own.

But our time, and our attention is. Take it back, make it yours again. Not for me, I don’t know you. I don’t benefit from this. You do what you want. But isn’t that kind of the point here. Do what YOU want not what they have taught you that you want.

I guarantee you though if you stop going to the hair salon to fix your hair (it was never broken), stop stockpiling your kitchen with thousands of dollars in groceries you end up throwing away at the end of two weeks, stop buying fancy overpriced jewelry (buy a unique piece from a local artist, you’ll get way more compliments anyway, if that’s what you value), stop buying 250-700 dollar Christmas trees, just stop buying Christmas presents altogether. Teach your children that time together is the gift. I’m not saying don’t buy the kids anything just do it throughout the year. Surprising them when they aren’t expecting it is more fun anyway.

Whatever you decide to do, make it your decision. Be aware of what they are selling you. Be aware of how you are constantly being barraged. You can’t even watch something, read an article etc. without them selling you something. Next time you go to a store see if you can walk out with nothing. Make yourself immune to their bullshit.

The economy won’t crumble, it will change, and we will adapt. We will adapt, and be happier. Mortgage’s will go down in price, groceries will, prices in general will drop. The scare tactic implanted by economists is that it’s not how the economy works. It absolutely is, we control the economic trends. Our money talks even when our mouths are closed. If you think economists aren’t paid to scare you into spending well I don’t know what to tell you because everyone in our current socioeconomic climate can be bought.

#commercialism #consumerism #overspending #money #manifesto #rant

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nisaadventures · 10 months

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“It’s your outlook on life that counts. If you take yourself lightly and don’t take yourself too seriously, pretty soon you can find the humor in our everyday lives. And sometimes it can be a lifesaver.” - Betty White

Before the day begins I just want to start on a good note. This is not to say each day doesn’t because they generally 100% do.

Today is my 33rd birthday. *Wide eyes & raised eyebrows* I still feel hella young (lol sincerely and jokingly said).

I’ve learned so much this year, about life, myself, leaning into self-love, leaning away from comparison.

Comparison is the thief of joy.

I’d love to say, just don’t do it… but we are human and there will always be moments where we either do compare or are tempted in that direction. I have found that if I focus on my life, there are endless opportunities for joy.

The dogs seemingly enjoy their meals because they’re still licking the bowl after its empty, joy.

Jay playing music and cooking dinner/meal prep in the kitchen, joy. All the gratitude when the kitchen is even clean when he’s done (Thank you, hunny!).

Walking to Kuya’s house to workout and hangout, always joy. It’s always an added bonus that Nina has kept coming, despite my crazy programmed core workouts (lol ok they’re not crazy. You might like them if you tried *wink*).

When I bought a new salad spinner, fixed the AC, installed the new doorbell (lol) all the things people deem ‘adulting.’ Yup, those are joy too. Me being a list person, whenever I can cross something off or get something done, so much joy.

And that may sound silly, but if we can find joy in the day to day, the things some would call mundane, then not a day will go by that you don’t find it. Perspective is important here. We obviously can’t control life and things get thrown our way all the time: the shitty driver who almost hit us on the way to work, your dog chewing the corner of your couch, the weather, a crazy day at work because who knows (was it a full moon again?), etc. etc. etc. Now lets not go into this with that toxic positivity. I’m not saying your perspective will magically make everything better and its sunshine and rainbows… but when we practice self-awareness and mindfulness we learn to process.

Take today for instance… or this time of year for that matter. I know its a hard time of year for me. As my motivation decreases, distractibility increases, and I easily cry, I know its because the associations, its triggering. I wish my birthday wasn’t such a trigger… I definitely find reasons to be thankful. I think by thinking that I have to be happy or excited around this time, I set myself up. Isn’t it just an expectation that society has placed on us that our birthday should be an exciting time of year? Because as kids our birthdays meant parties, family, fun, and gifts. Not to say those aren’t all good things.

Anyway, my train of thought it like woooo… happens a lot.

I think its important to understand that associations can change, feelings evolve, and our perspective and self-awareness can help shape a lot of that. I know this is a hard time and I also know that happiness in this time is also a thing. The duality of adulthood and if you haven’t seen Inside Out… I mean simply said. The duality of emotion is a beautiful and complicated thing. So though I may be sad, I’ve learned to lean into the joy.

If you’re struggling with grief, comparison, growing up, accepting change, whatever it may be, just know you’re not alone. Thank you to all my loved ones and those of you who still pop in to read my now very occasional posts and external processing. I am very thankful for all the people in my life and even for those who aren’t.

“Each day comes bearing its gifts. Untie the ribbon.” - Ann Rush Schabacker

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catthu · 1 year

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There is only life

A quote I came across a while ago stuck in my head:

> There’s no work-life balance, there’s only life.

This speaks to me so much that for years I haven’t been able to get it out of my head. The only change is that I’ve come to view not just work, but other aspects of life the same way: friends, family, kids, leisure, etc. Modern society artificially compartmentalizes important aspects of our lives. This worsened (or, dare I say, caused) the loneliness crisis and the meaning crisis.

I’ve been thinking about this quite a bit as I’ve been pondering what the best way is to raise kids. One thing I love about the Bay Area is the abundance of co-living and co-parenting communities. People are realizing that the “American dream” way of life lacks fulfillment, and now organizing themselves into community living situations that remind me of Kibbutz in Israel: communal living, working, and child-rearing. These communities are still seen now by the mainstream as weird, “hippie”, but I think over time it will penetrate mainstream and become the new norm (or, at least, one of the norms).

I have a thing about work, too. Many people in my work community are rallying to get people to move to the same city (or at least, their choice among 2-3 hub cities) as we work to build a real longevity network state. Good friends of mine are now talking about investing together in a large longevity lodge in a very outdoorsy area. I like this idea a lot. My dog likes the area, and I find living with people sharing the same mission very motivating. People whose mission is radical life extension understands that it’s literally do or die; we are very serious about it and want to find as many people as possible to be serious together. Commitment is easy because working on longevity is all of us’s first priority.

How does this fit with kids? I quite dislike the modern separation between kid-life and work-life. The shift towards remote work / white-collared work also doesn’t help: it’s hard to involve kids when all you seem to be doing is talking to rectangles on your computer or editing documents on your computer all day. This is where having a co-living community, that’s also your work community, really excels. If I had kids, I and the other adults in the community would surely tell them everything they want to know about longevity science. We’d happily bring kids into our meetings, whiteboarding, and labs.

Our education system used to be apprenticeship; now, kids aren’t learning about real work and much real work is hidden behind proprietary veils. Parents going to work put up an invisible barrier between that part of their lives and their kids, and then many don’t get enough parent-kid bonding time. To think there was a time when as a kid you could stumble into to a smithy and ask the blacksmith if you could try your hands at forging a dagger, and the blacksmith would say yes.

A life that appeals to me is this: no separation between work, family, kids, leisure, rest. There’s only life. I am fortunate that with my work community, my personal relationships, my resources, this all seem very possible (although not immediately). All I need to do is to put everything together and make it happen.

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partly-hueman · 1 year

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💥⭐“We Indians know about silence.

We aren’t afraid of it.

In fact, to us it is more powerful than words.

Our elders were schooled in the ways of silence, and they passed that along to us. Watch, listen, and then act, they told us.

This is the way to live. Watch the animals to see how they care for their young.

Watch the elders to see how they behave. Watch the white man to see what he wants. Always watch first, with a still heart and mind, then you will learn.

When you have watched enough, then you can act.”

Charles Eastman - Ohiyesa, later in life Charles Eastman--Ohiyesa--states in The Soul of an Indian: “...

silence-the sign of perfect equilibrium.

Silence is the absolute balance of body, mind, and spirit.

The man who preserves his self hood ever calm and unshaken by the storms of existence...

is the ideal attitude and conduct of life. What are the fruits of silence?

They are self-control, true courage or endurance, patience, dignity, and reverence. Silence is the corner-stone of character.”

The Lakota elder continues:

“With the white people it is just the opposite. You learn by talking.

You reward the kids who talk the most in school.

At your parties everyone is talking all at once. In your work you are having meetings where everyone interrupts everyone else.

You say it is working out a problem.

To us it just sounds like a bunch of people saying whatever comes into their heads without listening to others.

Lakota elder continues regarding the sensibilities of traditional First People: “

You don’t convince anyone by arguing.

People make their decisions in their heart.

Talk doesn’t touch my heart.

People should think of their words like seeds. They should plant them, then let them grow in silence.

Our old people taught us that the earth is always speaking to us, but that we have to be silent to hear her.

I can understand all the trees.

The wind.

All the animals.

The insects.

I can tell what a color of the sky means. Everything in the natural world speaks to me.

Teaching our children well

- American Hunger Lakota elder continues:

“I watch TV and every ad I see tells me something is new.

That means I should get it because what I have is old.

There’s no reason to get something just because it”s new.

Your way teaches people to want, want, want. What you have is no good.

What you don’t have is new and better....

White people have an endless hunger.

They want to consume everything and make it part of them.”

Consider consumerism.

Things and Food.

Credit card debt & obesity in this country has become epidemic.

Eastman’s words echo many Native writers throughout decades:

“The native American has been generally despised by his white conquerors for his poverty and simplicity.

They forget, perhaps, that Native religion forbade the accumulation of wealth and the enjoyment of luxury.

Eastman continues: ...

“the love of possessions has appeared as a snare,

and the burdens of a complex society a source of needless peril and temptation.

Thus the Native American kept his spirit free from the clog of pride or envy...”

In Profiles in Wisdom,

Grandfather William Commanda concurs: “Dominant society has forgotten their Creator. It’s the money that rules today, even though God in their book tells them you cannot serve two masters.

Either you serve Creator or you serve the money.

So who are they serving?”

Regarding possessions Eastman continues:

“It was our belief that the love of possessions is a weakness to overcome.

Therefore, the child must learn, early, the beauty of generosity.

He is taught to give away what he prizes most, and that he may taste the happiness of giving. If a child is inclined to be grasping, or to cling to any of his little possessions, legends are told to him, teaching of contempt and disgrace that fall upon the ungenerous person.

Also, public giving,

known as give-aways,

is an important part of ceremony.”

Families give-away much of their treasured possessions in honoring weddings, funerals--yet,

Another example of Partnership model of society.

#first nations #love #raw truth

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kaesileigh · 1 year

Text

“We Indians know about silence.

We aren’t afraid of it.

In fact, to us it is more powerful than words.

Our elders were schooled in the ways of silence, and they passed that along to us. Watch, listen, and then act, they told us.

This is the way to live. Watch the animals to see how they care for their young.

Watch the elders to see how they behave. Watch the white man to see what he wants. Always watch first, with a still heart and mind, then you will learn.

When you have watched enough, then you can act.”

Charles Eastman - Ohiyesa, later in life Charles Eastman--Ohiyesa--states in The Soul of an Indian: “...

silence-the sign of perfect equilibrium.

Silence is the absolute balance of body, mind, and spirit.

The man who preserves his self hood ever calm and unshaken by the storms of existence...

is the ideal attitude and conduct of life. What are the fruits of silence?

They are self-control, true courage or endurance, patience, dignity, and reverence. Silence is the corner-stone of character.”

The Lakota elder continues:

“With the white people it is just the opposite. You learn by talking.

You reward the kids who talk the most in school.

At your parties everyone is talking all at once. In your work you are having meetings where everyone interrupts everyone else.

You say it is working out a problem.

To us it just sounds like a bunch of people saying whatever comes into their heads without listening to others.

Lakota elder continues regarding the sensibilities of traditional First People: “

You don’t convince anyone by arguing.

People make their decisions in their heart.

Talk doesn’t touch my heart.

People should think of their words like seeds. They should plant them, then let them grow in silence.

Our old people taught us that the earth is always speaking to us, but that we have to be silent to hear her.

I can understand all the trees.

The wind.

All the animals.

The insects.

I can tell what a color of the sky means. Everything in the natural world speaks to me.

Teaching our children well

- American Hunger Lakota elder continues:

“I watch TV and every ad I see tells me something is new.

That means I should get it because what I have is old.

There’s no reason to get something just because it”s new.

Your way teaches people to want, want, want. What you have is no good.

What you don’t have is new and better....

White people have an endless hunger.

They want to consume everything and make it part of them.”

Consider consumerism.

Things and Food.

Credit card debt & obesity in this country has become epidemic.

Eastman’s words echo many Native writers throughout decades:

“The native American has been generally despised by his white conquerors for his poverty and simplicity.

They forget, perhaps, that Native religion forbade the accumulation of wealth and the enjoyment of luxury.

Eastman continues: ...

“the love of possessions has appeared as a snare,

and the burdens of a complex society a source of needless peril and temptation.

Thus the Native American kept his spirit free from the clog of pride or envy...”

In Profiles in Wisdom,

Grandfather William Commanda concurs: “Dominant society has forgotten their Creator. It’s the money that rules today, even though God in their book tells them you cannot serve two masters.

Either you serve Creator or you serve the money.

So who are they serving?”

Regarding possessions Eastman continues:

“It was our belief that the love of possessions is a weakness to overcome.

Therefore, the child must learn, early, the beauty of generosity.

Also, public giving,

known as give-aways,

is an important part of ceremony.”

Families give-away much of their treasured possessions in honoring weddings, funerals--yet,

Another example of Partnership model of society.

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reddancer1 · 1 year

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“We Indians know about silence.We aren’t afraid of it.

In fact, to us it is more powerful than words.

Our elders were schooled in the ways of silence, and they passed that along to us. Watch, listen, and then act, they told us.

This is the way to live. Watch the animals to see how they care for their young.Watch the elders to see how they behave. Watch the white man to see what he wants. Always watch first, with a still heart and mind, then you will learn.When you have watched enough, then you can act.”Charles Eastman - Ohiyesa, later in life

Charles Eastman--Ohiyesa--states in The Soul of an Indian: “...silence-the sign of perfect equilibrium.Silence is the absolute balance of body, mind, and spirit.The man who preserves his self hood ever calm and unshaken by the storms of existence...is the ideal attitude and conduct of life. What are the fruits of silence?They are self-control, true courage or endurance, patience, dignity, and reverence. Silence is the corner-stone of character.”

The Lakota elder continues:“With the white people it is just the opposite. You learn by talking.You reward the kids who talk the most in school.At your parties everyone is talking all at once. In your work you are having meetings where everyone interrupts everyone else.You say it is working out a problem.To us it just sounds like a bunch of people saying whatever comes into their heads without listening to others.

Lakota elder continues regarding the sensibilities of traditional First People: “You don’t convince anyone by arguing.People make their decisions in their heart.Talk doesn’t touch my heart.People should think of their words like seeds. They should plant them, then let them grow in silence.Our old people taught us that the earth is always speaking to us, but that we have to be silent to hear her.I can understand all the trees.The wind.All the animals.The insects.I can tell what a color of the sky means. Everything in the natural world speaks to me.

Teaching our children well- American Hunger Lakota elder continues:“I watch TV and every ad I see tells me something is new.That means I should get it because what I have is old.There’s no reason to get something just because it”s new.Your way teaches people to want, want, want. What you have is no good.What you don’t have is new and better....White people have an endless hunger.They want to consume everything and make it part of them.”Consider consumerism.Things and Food.Credit card debt & obesity in this country has become epidemic.

Eastman’s words echo many Native writers throughout decades:“The native American has been generally despised by his white conquerors for his poverty and simplicity.They forget, perhaps, that Native religion forbade the accumulation of wealth and the enjoyment of luxury.Eastman continues: ...“the love of possessions has appeared as a snare,and the burdens of a complex society a source of needless peril and temptation.Thus the Native American kept his spirit free from the clog of pride or envy...”

In Profiles in Wisdom,Grandfather William Commanda concurs: “Dominant society has forgotten their Creator. It’s the money that rules today, even though God in their book tells them you cannot serve two masters.Either you serve Creator or you serve the money.So who are they serving?”

Regarding possessions Eastman continues:“It was our belief that the love of possessions is a weakness to overcome.Therefore, the child must learn, early, the beauty of generosity.He is taught to give away what he prizes most, and that he may taste the happiness of giving. If a child is inclined to be grasping, or to cling to any of his little possessions, legends are told to him, teaching of contempt and disgrace that fall upon the ungenerous person.Also, public giving,known as give-aways,is an important part of ceremony.”Families give-away much of their treasured possessions in honoring weddings, funerals--yet, Another example of Partnership model of society.

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dallasareaopinion · 1 year

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Woke versus anti woke well, no

I do not know about you, but are you tired of all the cultural wars? Yes, we do need to move our society forward, but being forced to adapt to societal changes that do not affect or reflect the majority of the country at times can be difficult.

Then there is the other extreme where a talking purple M&M becomes scourged publicly for no other reason but to assuage the ego of one overly hyped TV personality or personalities. Seriously, I just want to eat my M&Ms in peace and enjoy Santa and one of the M&Ms fainting when they see each other.

The hard reality is the vast majority of the country fits somewhere in the middle and leans moderately liberal to moderately conservative. I will posit that most lean more moderately conservative because most people are married, have kids, are stressed out at work, try to balance all their kids have on their plates with their own plates, care about the children’s education, clip coupons in some shape form or fashion, trying to find ways to save an extra dime in the bank, church attendance may be dropping off a bit, but still many go, and some not going is because religion isn’t helping them in anyway except for messaging and many churches have forgotten it is not their message that is important, but actual faith in God. Many vote out of a sense of duty, but hold no hope that elected officials know about their lives much less care about them. They pay too much in taxes, want social security to work, wish their employers paid more, would love to work from home, but struggle with productivity and all in all no one in any endeavor feels caught up.

Sounds a bit dire and there are many who are doing well, but generally the working and middle class feel something is missing and no one understands except each other.

So what does all this have to do with being woke or not woke? And of course you saying if you say nothing and everything then I am going to scream, but alas that is the answer.

There really isn’t “woke” so how can there be an “anti woke”. There isn’t either because it is all grandstanding, what you use to be called political correctness, agendas, and people being judgmental against each other because we have nothing better to do. And judge we do.

There is a need to learn to respect each other, help each other, find solutions to problems, give people an opportunity to do well as the person they are, but that is more about loving your neighbor than pleasing your neighbor. Sometimes you do not have to agree, but you do have to talk. Finger pointing and denigrating others is wrong and both pretentious liberals and hard right wing people do it. And if you deny it, then well you aren’t paying attention to yourself. We all do in some shape form or fashion.

Yet there is no woke or anti woke. There is only people pushing their agenda upon others trying to find people like themselves. And again this is not the majority of the country, it is just loud minorities berating us for not being them.

What is not going on is addressing the real issues facing us and the main one is the decline of what makes us a great country which is a well educated working and middle class. Now don’t presume too much, well educated doesn’t mean you can quote Shakespeare verbatim, but have an ability to reason, debate and converse with decorum, respect a well thought out opinion even if the vocabulary is sophomore English, be able to function with technology, but unless interested no need to be an IT guru, know what is STEM, and appreciate science and art for what they are to humanity.

A person who is taught much and exposed to much and knows to respect others can find a successful niche in society to be productive and dare I say it enjoy life.

So the next time someone tries to drag you into a culture war, just remember you are better than that and get with people who respect you to find ways to overcome or survive our daily struggles. And if someone tells you that you have to go with the current choices ask them why?

And after they answer it is because the other side is bad then reply, isn’t that why we have problems now? Or if you are a polite person, then you will probably just think that.

When both sides are finger pointing they are both hundred percent right and hundred percent wrong, but not for the reasons they think. Where exactly is the finger pointing or as some say, one finger points away and three point back.

Nothing about humanity will ever be perfect, yet it can be better if we choose better.

Cheers

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writingwithcolor · 3 years

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What Does Our "Motivations” PSA Mean?

@luminalalumini said:

I've been on your blog a lot and it has a lot of really insightful information, but I notice a theme with some of your answers where you ask the writer reaching out what their 'motivation for making a character a certain [race/religion/ethnicity/nationality] is' and it's discouraging to see, because it seems like you're automatically assigning the writer some sort of ulterior motive that must be sniffed out and identified before the writer can get any tips or guidance for their question. Can't the 'motive' simply be having/wanting to have diversity in one's work? Must there be an 'ulterior motive'? I can understand that there's a lot of stigma and stereotypes and bad influence that might lead to someone trynna add marginalized groups into their stories for wrong reasons, but people that have those bad intentions certainly won't be asking for advice on how to write good representation in the first place. Idk its just been something that seemed really discouraging to me to reach out myself, knowing i'll automatically be assigned ulterior motives that i don't have and will probably have to justify why i want to add diversity to my story as if i'm comitting some sort of crime. I don't expect you guys to change your blog or respond to this or even care all that much, I'm probably just ranting into a void. I'm just curious if theres any reason to this that I haven't realized exists I suppose. I don't want y'all to take this the wrong way because I do actually love and enjoy your blog's advice in spite of my dumb griping. Cheers :))

We assume this is in reference to the following PSA:

PSA to all of our users - Motivation Matters: This lack of clarity w/r to intent has been a general issue with many recent questions. Please remember that if you don’t explain your motivations and what you intend to communicate to your audience with your plot choices, character attributes, world-building etc., we cannot effectively advise you beyond the information you provide. We Are Not Mind Readers. If, when drafting these questions, you realize you can’t explain your motivations, that is likely a hint that you need to think more on the rationales for your narrative decisions. My recommendation is to read our archives and articles on similar topics for inspiration while you think. I will be attaching this PSA to all asks with similar issues until the volume of such questions declines.

We have answered this in three parts.

1. Of Paved Roads and Good Intentions

Allow me to give you a personal story, in solidarity towards your feelings:

When I began writing in South Asia as an outsider, specifically in the Kashmir and Lahore areas, I was doing it out of respect for the cultures I had grown up around. I did kathak dance, I grew up on immigrant-cooked North Indian food, my babysitters were Indian. I loved Mughal society, and every detail of learning about it just made me want more. The minute you told me fantasy could be outside of Europe, I hopped into the Mughal world with two feet. I was 13. I am now 28.

And had you asked me, as a teenager, what my motives were in giving my characters’ love interests blue or green eyes, one of them blond hair, my MC having red-tinted brown hair that was very emphasized, and a whole bunch of paler skinned people, I would have told you my motives were “to represent the diversity of the region.”

I’m sure readers of the blog will spot the really, really toxic and colourist tropes present in my choices. If you’re new here, then the summary is: giving brown people “unique” coloured eyes and hair that lines up with Eurocentric beauty standards is an orientalist trope that needs to be interrogated in your writing. And favouring pale skinned people is colourist, full stop.

Did that make me a bad person with super sneaky ulterior motives who wanted to write bad representation? No.

It made me an ignorant kid from the mostly-white suburbs who grew up with media that said brown people had to “look unique” (read: look as European as possible) to be considered valuable.

And this is where it is important to remember that motives can be pure as you want, but you were still taught all of the terrible stuff that is present in society. Which means you’re going to perpetuate it unless you stop and actually question what is under your conscious motive, and work to unlearn it. Work that will never be complete.

I know it sounds scary and judgemental (and it’s one of the reasons we allow people to ask to be anonymous, for people who are afraid). Honestly, I would’ve reacted much the same as a younger writer, had you told me I was perpetuating bad things. I was trying to do good and my motives were pure, after all! But after a few years, I realized that I had fallen short, and I had a lot more to learn in order for my motives to match my impact. Part of our job at WWC is to attempt to close that gap.

We aren’t giving judgement, when we ask questions about why you want to do certain things. We are asking you to look at the structural underpinnings of your mind and question why those traits felt natural together, and, more specifically, why those traits felt natural to give to a protagonist or other major character.

I still have blond, blue-eyed characters with sandy coloured skin. I still have green-eyed characters. Because teenage me was right, that is part of the region. But by interrogating my motive, I was able to devalue those traits within the narrative, and I stopped making those traits shorthand for “this is the person you should root for.”

It opened up room for me to be messier with my characters of colour, even the ones who my teenage self would have deemed “extra special.” Because the European-associated traits (pale hair, not-brown-eyes) stopped being special. After years of questioning, they started lining up with my motive of just being part of the diversity of the region.

Motive is important, both in the conscious and the subconscious. It’s not a judgement and it’s not assumed to be evil. It’s simply assumed to be unquestioned, so we ask that you question it and really examine your own biases.

~Mod Lesya

2. Motivations Aren't Always "Ulterior"

You can have a positive motivation or a neutral one or a negative one. Just wanting to have diversity only means your characters aren't all white and straight and cis and able-bodied -- it doesn't explain why you decided to make this specific character specifically bi and specifically Jewish (it me). Yes, sometimes it might be completely random! But it also might be "well, my crush is Costa Rican, so I gave the love interest the same background", or "I set it in X City where the predominant marginalized ethnicity is Y, so they are Y". Neither of these count as ulterior motives. But let's say for a second that you did accidentally catch yourself doing an "ulterior." Isn't that the point of the blog, to help you find those spots and clean them up?

Try thinking of it as “finding things that need adjusting” rather than “things that are bad” and it might get less scary to realize that we all do them, subconsciously. Representation that could use some work is often the product of subconscious bias, not deliberate misrepresentation, so there's every possibility that someone who wants to improve and do better didn't do it perfectly the first time.

--Shira

3. Dress-Making as a Metaphor

I want to echo Lesya’s sentiments here but also provide a more logistical perspective. If you check the rubber stamp guide here and the “Motivation matters” PSA above, you’ll notice that concerns with respect to asker motivation are for the purposes of providing the most relevant answer possible.

It is a lot like if someone walks into a dressmaker’s shop and asks for a blue dress/ suit (Back when getting custom-made clothes was more of a thing) . The seamstress/ tailor is likely to ask a wide variety of questions:

What material do you want the outfit to be made of?

Where do you plan to wear it?

What do you want to highlight?

How do you want to feel when you wear it?

Let’s say our theoretical customer is in England during the 1920s. A tartan walking dress/ flannel suit for the winter is not the same as a periwinkle, beaded, organza ensemble/ navy pinstripe for formal dress in the summer. When we ask for motivations, we are often asking for exactly that: the specific reasons for your inquiry so we may pinpoint the most pertinent information.

The consistent problem for many of the askers who receive the PSA is they haven’t even done the level of research necessary to know what they want to ask of us. It would be like if our English customer in the 1920s responded, “IDK, some kind of blue thing.” Even worse, WWC doesn’t have the luxury of the back-and-forth between a dressmaker and their clientele. If our asker doesn’t communicate all the information they need in mind at the time of submission, we can only say, “Well, I’m not sure if this is right, but here’s something. I hope it works, but if you had told us more, we could have done a more thorough job.”

Answering questions without context is hard, and asking for motivations, by which I mean the narratives, themes, character arcs and other literary devices that you are looking to incorporate, is the best way for us to help you, while also helping you to determine if your understanding of the problem will benefit from outside input. Because these asks are published with the goal of helping individuals with similar questions, the PSA also serves to prompt other users.

I note that asking questions is a skill, and we all start by asking the most basic questions (Not stupid questions, because to quote a dear professor, “There are no stupid questions.”). Unfortunately, WWC is not suited for the most basic questions. To this effect, we have a very helpful FAQ and archive as a starting point. Once you have used our website to answer the more basic questions, you are more ready to approach writing with diversity and decide when we can actually be of service. This is why we are so adamant that people read the FAQ. Yes, it helps us, but it also is there to save you time and spare you the ambiguity of not even knowing where to start.

The anxiety in your ask conveys to me a fear of being judged for asking questions. That fear is not something we can help you with, other than to wholeheartedly reassure you that we do not spend our unpaid, free time answering these questions in order to assume motives we can’t confirm or sit in judgment of our users who, as you say, are just trying to do better.

Yes, I am often frustrated when an asker’s question makes it clear they haven’t read the FAQ or archives. I’ve also been upset when uncivil commenters have indicated that my efforts and contributions are not worth their consideration. However, even the most tactless question has never made me think, “Ooh this person is such a naughty racist. Let me laugh at them for being a naughty racist. Let me shame them for being a naughty racist. Mwahaha.”

What kind of sad person has time for that?*

Racism is structural. It takes time to unlearn, especially if you’re in an environment that doesn’t facilitate that process to begin with. Our first priority is to help while also preserving our own boundaries and well-being. Though I am well aware of the levels of toxic gas-lighting and virtue signaling that can be found in various corners of online writing communities in the name of “progressivism*”, WWC is not that kind of space. This space is for discussions held in good faith: for us to understand each other better, rather than for one of us to “win” and another to “lose.”

Just as we have good faith that you are doing your best, we ask that you have faith that we are trying to do our best by you and the BIPOC communities we represent.

- Marika.

*If you are in any writing or social media circles that feed these anxieties or demonstrate these behaviors, I advise you to curtail your time with them and focus on your own growth. You will find, over time, that it is easier to think clearly when you are worrying less about trying to appease people who set the bar of approval so high just for the enjoyment of watching you jump. “Internet hygiene”, as I like to call it, begins with you and the boundaries you set with those you interact with online.

#PSAs #asker concerns #diversity #motivations in writing #writing with diversity #blog housekeeping #internet hygeine #asks #WWC

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c-is-for-circinate · 3 years

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Wait, isn't "anti" stuff more like "anti-pedophilia" and stuff? Like, you have a point about anti-porn attitudes, but from what I've heard just "anti" on its own means against stuff like kid porn and incest porn and legitimately f*cked up sh*t like that.

Okay! So this, I think, is actually a great example of what I was talking about, and a really useful thing to understand. (CW rape, child abuse, etc)

Smarter people than me have written much better essays about why policing thoughtcrimes is a bad road to go down, and I will probably reblog some of them next time they cross my dash for more context. What I want to talk about is the trigger mechanism, the ‘oh, this looks like danger!!!’ immune response in how we look at different kinds of porn, and how that applies to anti culture.

Here’s the thing: I am anti-pedophilia. I think that, for most people, that’s a stance that largely goes without saying! Adults who prey on children are bad. I’m also against incest; relatives who prey on their family members are bad. Above all I oppose rape. Sexual predation of any kind is bad. In fact, I’d say that’s the most important item on the list. There is plenty of room to argue about where the lines are between ‘adult’ and ‘child’ and how teenagers fit in the middle, and there’s plenty of room to get historical about the lines between ethically terrible incest, distasteful-but-bearable “aristocratic inbreeding” between distant cousins, and the kind of consanguinity that tends to develop in a small town where everyone’s vaguely related to everyone else by now anyway. The core of the issue is consent, and it has always been consent. Pedophilia and incest are horrific because they are rape scenarios where the abuser has far more power and their victim far fewer resources to cope, both practically and emotionally; because harm to children is, to us as a culture, worse than harm to adults, for a lot of very valid reasons; and because they constitute betrayal of trust the victim should have been able to put in their abuser as well as rape--but they are all rape scenarios, and that’s why they’re awful.

These things are bad. It is good for us to have a social immune response system that recognizes these things when they’re happening and insists we step in. That is a good thing to develop! It helps us, as a society. It can help the people being victimized. It’s the same reason educators and childcare workers in the US are all mandated reporters, why we do background checks on people working near kids. These things happen, and they’re terrible, and it’s good that we try to be aware and prepared for them. (Though obviously studies show we’re a lot less good at protecting the vulnerable than we’d like to pretend we are.)

The question is: why does that same social immune response trigger, and trigger so angrily, in response to fiction?

Anti culture is fundamentally an expression of that social immune response. Specifically, it’s that social immune response when it is set off by a situation that, while it has some similarities to the very bad real-life crime of sexual predation including pedophilia and incest, is in and of itself harmless.

If you’re instinct is to flare up in anger or dismissiveness because I’m calling these things harmless, I want to ask you to just take a deep breath and bear with me for a bit longer. What you’re feeling right now is an allergic reaction.

Humans tell and read and listen to stories about “legitimately fucked up shit” all the time. It’s part of the human condition. It’s part of how we process those things happening, not just to use, but to other people in the world around us. It’s part of how we process completely unrelated fucked-up shit, playing with fears and furies and insecurities that we all have, through so may layers of fiction that we don’t even recognize them any more, playing with power dynamics in metaphor and making characters suffer for fun. Aside from the fact that literally all stories do this to some extent or another; aside from the fact that drawing lines between ‘ok that’s good storytelling’ and ‘that’s too fucked-up to write about’ is arbitrary, subjective, and dangerous in its own right; aside from all of that, these stories are stories. All of them.

Even the ones about rape, about incest, about pedophilia. They’re words on a page. No real children were harmed, touched, or even glanced at in the making of this work of fiction. This story, pornographic though it may be, is part of a conversation between consenting adults. (And if a teenager lies about their age to consent, that is a different problem altogether.)

Stories in and of themselves, no matter what they’re about, are no more dangerous than a crate full of oranges. Which is to say: utterly harmless, unless all you have to eat is oranges, all day every day, and you find yourself dying slowly of nutrient deficiency--which is why representation matters. Or unless someone wields one deliberately, violently, as a tool to cause harm, and someone gets acid in their eye--which is the fault of the person holding the orange. And unless you happen to be allergic to citrus.

The key here is this twofold understanding: First, the thing that hurts you can also have value to others. Real, legitimate value. Whether you’ve undergone trauma and certain story elements are straight-up PTSD triggers or you just don’t like orange juice, that story, those tropes, that crate of oranges may be somewhere between icky and fundamentally abhorrent--but we understand that that is still your reaction. Even if you don’t understand how anybody could ever enjoy it; even if every single person you surround yourself with is as sensitive and disgusted and itchy about this thing that makes your eyes hurt and your throat stop working as you; that doesn’t make it true for everyone. That doesn’t make oranges poisonous. No real children were involved in the writing of this story. It is words on a page.

But, secondly: the thing that has value to others can also hurt you. Just because a story isn’t inherently poison doesn’t mean it can’t cause you, personally, pain. That’s what a PTSD trigger is: an allergic reaction, psychological anaphylaxis, a brain that’s trying so hard to protect its own from a threat that isn’t actually present (but was once, and the brain is trained to respond) that it causes far more harm and misery than the trigger itself possibly could. And no, it’s not just people with PTSD who sometimes get hurt by stories. There are many, many ways a story can poke the part of your brain that says, this is Bad, I don’t like this, I don’t want to be here. The story is still, always, every time, pixels on a screen and ink on paper. The story causes no physical harm. But it can poke your brain into misery, it can stir up your emotions, it can make you want to cringe and run away. It can make you want to scream and fight and go after the author who brought this thing into existence. It can make you hurt.

This is an allergic reaction. This is your brain and body, your reflexes and instincts, trying to protect you from something that isn’t really happening. And just like a literal allergic reaction, it can do actual harm to you if it gets set off. This is real. The fact that stories can upset you to the point of pain and mental/emotional injury is real, even though it’s coming from your own brain and not the story itself. There are stories you shouldn’t read. There are stories I shouldn’t read, regret reading, will never read, because they hurt me. That doesn’t mean they’re the same stories that would hurt you. That doesn’t mean they don’t have value.

And, finally:

If getting upset about stories is fundamentally an individual person’s allergic reaction, their brain freaking out and firing off painful survival instincts in the face of a thing that isn’t, in and of itself, a threat? Then the anti movement is a cultural allergic reaction.

Fandom as a whole has a pretty active immune system, which doesn’t mean we have a good immune system. We try very hard to be aware of all the viruses and -isms and abuse and manipulation and cruelty, both systematic and individual, that exists around and within our community. We’re primed and ready to shout about things at all times. The anti movement is that system, that culture, screaming and shouting and fighting at a harmless thing on a grand scale. It wants to stop that thing, that scary awful thing that trips all of its well-primed danger sensors, at all costs. It’ll swell up and block off our airways (our archives) if it has to. It’ll turn on the body it came from. It’s scared and protective and trying to fight, and it’s ready to fight and destroy itself.

Luckily, fans and fanfic and fandom and fan culture are a lot bigger and older than they often get credit for, and it’s not like these cultural allergies are anything new. We could talk about shippers and slashers in the X-Files fandom in the 90s. We could talk about the birth of fandom in the days of Star Trek. We could talk about censorship and book burning going back centuries. We survived that and we’ll survive this, too.

But god, does the anti movement my throat and eyes itch. Man is it irritating, and sometimes a little suffocating, to realize how many stories just aren’t getting told out of fear of what the antis will say. And that’s the real danger, I think. What are we losing that would have so much value to someone? What are we missing out?

#fandom #anti culture #anti-anti #I guess?#asked and answered #you are not WRONG or BAD or BROKEN if a story hurt you #but neither is the story #Anonymous #anti discourse day

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cinnamonest · 3 years

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Razor with a fem teacher darling.

Some sweet lil cute lady in Mondstadt that teaches little kids. Older than our boy, maybe 30s, just old enough to be very maternal (and so that she’ll never see it coming of course). Conscripted by the knights to quit her day job and take on the task of teaching the wolf boy how to adapt to human society, how to speak and interact with others. They find that a normal approach overwhelms and confuses him, so they think your way of doing things would be best for someone... on his intellectual and social level.

They let him stay with her several hours a day and practice talking and teaching him things like the most basic words that he may need to know how to read, how to sign his name, basic addition/subtraction etc... He is like a kid in some ways, namely naivete and maturity, so you kinda deal with him as if he was, almost infantile, like giving him little mantras and poems they teach kids on how to remember basic manners/politeness, giving him stickers and other little trinket-y rewards for correct answers, which he cherishes quite a bit.

And he starts coming more and more often, doesn't want to leave, even stays sometimes overnight, and you let him, because you're glad he wants to learn about human life, so you let him sleep on your couch (although he often ends up just curling up on the floor anyway).

He becomes addicted to praise. Since you once taught little kids, you're used to that whole overenthusiasm people give kids, the "wow! Good job! I'm so proud!" And you give that to him too, because you wanna encourage him after all, and you figure he will only understand if you exaggerate the enthusiasm. He gets hooked on that and is constantly trying to earn your praise and approval, will do things and show them to you as he sits there expectantly, waiting for you to say he did good. Dips his head down expectantly, since you normally pet him on the head. Beaming smile and bright, wide eyes.

As such, the way you view him becomes... soft. Dangerously so, not that you’re aware of that aspect of it yet, but in your mind, he’s like a sweet kid, even ironically a bit puppy-like. He’s so sweet, you tell the knights when giving a report on your progress. He wouldn’t hurt a fly.

And then he gets more... comfortable. As all people do in all kinds of relationships, they become less guarded, less careful, less afraid to be open and honest and allow their true self to come out.

You’re forced to become aware of the ways in which he is very much not a kid. Namely physically. One time you told him you had to go for the night and you'd see him tomorrow, but he kept saying you couldn't go yet, he just wants five more minutes! But you sigh and say no, you really have to go, and he huffs and pouts and grabs you by the arm and pins you down. Not yet. Just a few more minutes, he says. You genuinely fear for a moment that he’s about to unintentionally snap your arm, he grips so tightly. You pull, but he doesn’t even budge, you’re not certain that he even processes that you’re struggling, even though you use your full strength. You give a forced, scared smile and ask, hey, remember what we learned about selfishness? And how it's bad? How we can’t force other people do what we want? He hangs his head and says sorry, but seems sad about letting you go. The bruise he leaves lasts over a week. From that point forward, you’re acutely aware of the physical strength he possesses. But still, he didn’t mean to hurt you, he just didn’t understand, you think. He’s still so sweet. He just needs some time.

He likes your attention. That is, he likes to have it. He does not like your attention being given to other things and people. It took you a while to figure out why people would always look so uncomfortable and leave mid-conversation when he was in the room, you couldn’t see how he glared and scowled at people while standing behind you. Once you realize it, you don’t get mad, because it’s not his fault, right? You tell yourself to be patient, just like with the kids. You just have to explain that it’s important to be nice to people. Treat others the way you want to be treated, you say. And how would he want to be treated? Nicely, right? So be nice in the future, ok? He nods, but you get the sense it didn’t really sink in.

And for one thing, you learn he’s, well, appropriately curious about human... love. Relationships. Sex. Very, very curious, and very eager to ask questions. He actually understands and is familiar with quite a bit, you discover (he’s probably witnessed more sex than you have, really), he just doesn’t really know the words, and substitutes as best as he can before you teach him the right words for his... unique terminology, which he uses when describing the things he would like to learn the words for: The thing humans do where they hit each other with their mouths. When the girl-wolf is growing a baby inside and her stomach gets big. The thing mates do together. The white stuff the boy-wolves make, that comes out of their... thing, whatever the word is, tell him that word too, please. Not just wolves, he makes that white stuff too, he clarifies, because he has one of those things, just in case you didn’t know. You... handle it as maturely as you can. You tell him that yes, you’re aware he does, in fact, have one.

But you figure that curiosity is appropriate, he’s a sexually functioning adult, of course he’s curious. He’s fascinated by the female anatomy diagram in the textbook you manage to find in the library, looks at it quite a bit, and, despite your embarrassment, you figure you have a responsibility to make sure he understands. It’s not like it’s wrong, just awkward, so you willingly read the text when asked. Combined with the previous conversation, you soon realize a lesson in... appropriateness is probably needed. That is, since he’s started asking if you have those things too. Does it really look like that? Do those things really have milk in them? Can he feel them? The part of the book that shows the humans mating, why do they do it like that, facing each other? Do they ever do it the way wolves do? Have you done it before? You... have to tell him that he can’t go around asking other people questions like that. It’s not appropriate, you explain, and your job is to help him understand what is and isn’t appropriate. He doesn’t seem to grasp why he can’t ask things like that, seems hurt, like he thinks you just don’t want to, so you have to explain that it’s just... a human social thing.

You soon realize maybe you didn’t explain it well enough. When he keeps staring at your chest, you have to remind him it’s rude. And we don’t want to be rude, right? But he keeps asking why? Why is it bad? He doesn’t understand. When he has a very obvious raging hard-on and just sits there letting it visibly poke at the fabric, you awkwardly chime in that he might want to, uh, cover that up. But he tilts his head because he doesn’t understand why.

It’s only the beginning of such appropriateness conversations. Once when you’re working on something, he wants to show you the work he did, he practiced writing some of those important words. But you tell him to hang on just a minute, I’m working on something important. He doesn’t like that, so he shoves your work off the desk and sends it crashing to the floor. There, now you don’t have to look at all that stuff and can focus on him instead, see? Isn’t his writing good? Aren’t you going to say he did good? He doesn’t understand why you seem upset, but you, having developed an incredible patience in years of working with kids, keep your cool and explain why that’s not nice and why we have to learn to be patient, ok? But you reassure him it is good, put the cute sticker on his paper, and that’s all that matters, he seems happy. You feel like he didn’t hear the important part.

In fact, you were so impressed by the progress in his speaking and intellectual skills that you were a bit blinded to the fact that he’s showing a... concerning lack of understanding some of the more practical social lessons you’ve been teaching.

You swear you’ve said a hundred times now that you can’t just pick up things you want and take them, but he keeps doing it. You had to apologize profusely more times than you can count so the knights didn’t arrest him for theft, but you feel like they’re starting to get tired of the he doesn’t understand excuse.

And you’ve talked about being nice before, you swear, you’ve read several children’s books on the importance of niceness over and over, complete with pictures, and he seemed to like them. And he is sweet, precious even. ...To you. He just needs to work on applying those skills to everyone else, you always tell the superiors. To stop... scowling at people. To stop clinging to you, shyly hiding behind you like a child to their mother whenever someone new comes along. To stop ignoring when other people are trying to talk to him, and to stop interrupting other people who are talking to you when he decides that he wants you to be done with your current conversation and focus on him instead.

And most importantly, you tell them you need to work with him on the little... selfishness problem he seems to have. Stubbornness, rather. He does not like the word no. He huffs and pouts like a kid, getting sad and sulky. Nor does he react well to being denied anything, and especially not being reprimanded in any way. He sulks quite a bit whenever you get frustrated at him. And he doesn’t exactly... listen. Sometimes he’ll heed your “no,” and sometimes he... does what he wants anyway. You almost get the sense that he thinks that listening to you is optional. As sweet as he is, you become increasingly aware that he very much likes it when things go his way, and can become rather pouty when he can’t get his way.

It makes sense, you reason with yourself. Do what is necessary to obtain what you want. If you can’t get what you want, use force. Those are the laws of the wild, of survival in the animal world, are they not? He’s just... adjusting. He’s not used to such complex social constructs. Give him time.

He has to learn things can’t always go his way, especially since soon, you’ll have to return to your normal job, and he’ll be left to his own devices. They ruled that he’s improved enough that you’re no longer needed.

You do worry about that a bit. You worry how he’ll manage, and fear he’ll just go back to being a recluse in the woods, since the one thing he didn’t ever make much improvement on was forming bonds and socializing... well, with anyone besides you. You always tried to make him feel like he had a place he was loved and appreciated -- the same you do with the kids.

You always sensed a sort of lonesomeness in the boy. At one point you began to more carefully curate the books you would find to read aloud to him, being sure to leave the ones that featured families in the “don’t read” pile. He would get a sad look on his face and stare wistfully at pages whenever the story contained a mother or a family in any way. Sometimes you would find him flipping through old books at the pictures, looking out the window at children roaming the streets with their parents, and you couldn’t help but wonder how often he thought about what he could have had, if at all, and you wonder if he ever wished he could have had normalcy. You try to be something of a mother figure he never had -- loving, supportive. It’s the least you can do, right? You’ve done plenty of things that you sensed could backfire, but certainly that kindness would not come to be something you’d regret.

And you expected him to react badly to the news that your time together would be ending, but not this badly. You reassure him it’s ok, you’ll visit him all the time! He can come visit you when school isn’t in session! He still seems upset, even tearful. Why can’t you stay with him?

You choose your words carefully. He tends to hear what he wants to hear, rather than what you actually say, so you try your best to be clear. So there’s no confusion... so that he can’t twist your words.

It’s not your decision to make, it’s the board’s.

It’s their fault. They’re keeping her away.

He can visit you any time you’re not busy.

(y/n) will be too busy to play. Too busy with other people.

But you have to go to work, it’s your primary responsibility.

They’re more important than her than me.

He eventually gets quiet, sulks as he does. You sigh and hope he’ll be able to accept it.

... You get the strangest feeling of... premonition as you wrap up for the day. Like something bad is going to happen. You turn to him and remind him that... remember, doing bad things will get you in trouble, right? Hurting people and stuff like that... is illegal in Mondstadt, remember?

He actually becomes very alert at those words, like he’s having a realization. That’s good, you think, he gets it.

The realization was actually the... implication of the words “in Mondstadt.” It’s illegal and wrong... in Mondstadt. He’s not the brightest person in the world, but that gives him an idea. In his mind, Mondstadt isn't the whole region, it's just the city. So outside of the city... If he gets you outside of the city, then, it'll be ok to do anything he wants right? Yes, that makes a lot of sense to him.

So as your days together draw to a close, he asks for one more thing. He visited you so much. Can you come visit him, just once? He wants to show you his home. It'll be fun, you think, you'd genuinely like that. So you smile and agree. You have no reason not to.

#scheduled post #yan.txt #.rz

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verdantmoontruther · 3 years

Text

the anti-bkdk ramble that turned into an anti-internet ramble

i’m not like the biggest or most present bnha fan on here (i’m more about naruto personally) and i know this point has been discussed to death within the more intellectually capable circles of the fanbase, but i think we should really talk about the hypocrisy of people that excuse or ‘forgive’ bakugou’s behaviour for whatever purpose they come up with, whether it be shipping or ‘bc he’s hot’ or whatnot.

the tl;dr of what i want to say: bakugou and midoriya do not like each other. there is no evidence for that in the books or otherwise. it is unwise to view their genuine dislike as unresolved sexual tension because injecting a sexual component into bakugou’s decade-long antipathy makes for a much, much scarier bullying scenario. also, please touch grass and get a hobby outside of media consumption; i make friendship bracelets and photograph graffiti around my town. it’s very fun. take a break from the online world.

first things first: i UNDERSTAND, fully and wholeheartedly, the desire to see a queer enemies-to-lovers relationship happen in mainstream media. i may be young enough to be on the cusp between gen z and millennial, but i’m also old enough to remember when homosexuality was the weird joke paraded out on late night telly to explain a man’s bizarre behaviour, or be the shitty punchline to an equally unfunny joke. i remember feeling young and disgusted, young and scared, young and hopeless when i thought that we would never see anything remotely resembling a healthy gay relationship on tv. i didn’t even think legalised gay marriage is something that would be won in my youth. but you’re going about it the wrong way.

bakugou bullied midoriya for a long time. that is an immutable fact, and a very important aspect of both of their identities. in their childhoods, bakugou cemented midoriya into a victim role by singling him out and tormenting him. it’s important for some of you to understand that you can’t come back from that. whatever relationship they may have in the future will forever be tainted by the fact that, when bakugou knew he had the upper hand physically over midoriya, he chose to ridicule, belittle, and hurt him, and was never told by those around him that he may have been wrong for it.

it bothers me to no end that the people who will recognise how well the bnha universe fits as an allegory to the treatment of disabled people in society - which is, in my opinion, a completely astute and intelligent observation - will fail to see bakugou’s treatment of midoriya in their formative years as not abusive or ableist, but criticise a character because they said something demeaning about the quirkless population. it’s interesting because the allegory only extends to the characters and actions that are easily dealt with (cancelling a minor character for their words is very easy), but as soon as you raise the issue of physically, emotionally, and mentally abusing someone for their disability, it gets wishy washy because that’s their favourite character that we’re accusing of unsavoury behaviours. it begs the question - do you actually give a shit at all?

the reason i raise this is because fiction directly translates to real life. the things an author, screenwriter, or mangaka write about and the perspective they write about it from effect our view of ourselves and other people, especially in an industry aimed at, and mostly consumed by, the youth. that’s why i discussed what i did in the second paragraph - representation is important because it makes people feel more comfortable in their skin. and i can understand why you crave seeing yourself depicted as the hero of a story. but it also means that bad interpretations can weasel their way into the malleable minds of the young people consuming these stories: think about everything jk rowling was cancelled for. her only irish character constantly blowing things up. hook-nosed elves in love with money. werewolves preying on young boys as a metaphor for the aids epidemic.

i can’t blame horikoshi for the way that people infer his writing because there is absolutely no evidence in his writing that bakugou and midoriya harbour romantic feelings for each other, but i do know where this sentiment comes from: you kids are grasping at straws, wanting to make genuinely antagonistic characters into some sort of star-crossed romance because this is your first time being exposed to fighty blowy uppy shounen that doesn’t give a shit about love, and it worries me, because it means you begin romanticising all the wrong behaviours. if i was reading half the shit you guys like about the mythical bkdk dynamic in an actual book, it’d be raising red flags immediately. no communication. possessiveness. jealousy. entitlement. belittling. taking out their anger on each other. i’m concerned for you lot.

some of you aren’t going to like hearing this, but i think the reason we are seeing such a strong insurgence of the romanticisation of such an unhealthy relationship dynamic, apart from representation, is because being bombarded by so many stories and headlines and works in a day due to the internet has desensitised us to a lot of things. you look at a news headline about a bombing or a murder and you don’t feel anything anymore. same thing with fiction: ten years of bullying, when you have nothing from your own personal life to compare it to, doesn’t sound that bad. someone telling you to kill yourself gets brushed off like water off a duck’s back because everyone tells everyone to kts these days. having no friends is normalised because all of us people online are ‘depressed and anxious uwu no fwends’. in order to get a real hit right in the gut you need something that takes the word angst and amplifies it by a scale factor of seven million. in a culture that sensationalises pain and is devoid of empathy, midoriya’s situation is just not enough anymore.

once again idk if any of this made sense. i write what i think and if it comes out like a jumble of random letters then oh well.

#anti bakudeku #anti bakugo katsuki #anti bakugou #bnha #bnha opinions

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