#last week was a blur tbh | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

springtyme · 2 months

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heyy love, could you do an aaron hotchner x fem bau reader where they dated in secretly for a while but then he broke up with her. the reason he broke up with her is because he is her boss and that always was something that made him feel doubtful about their relationship. it’s up to you if you want to end it with an happy ending.

thank youu

𝐃𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐋𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐀𝐭 𝐌𝐞 𝐖𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐓𝐡𝐨𝐬𝐞 𝐄𝐲𝐞𝐬 ♡

Aaron Hotchner x fem!reader || Main masterlist || Spotify

Thank you so much for the request, dear anon! Such a lovely one and I was so happy to write for Hotch! mwah <3

summary: You suspect that you've been in love with Aaron Hotchner since you first laid eyes on him three years ago. Now you're on your way to Idaho to go on your first case together since he broke your heart two weeks ago.

word count: 4.5k

warnings/tags: Angst and fluff. Boss/employee relationship. Hurt/comfort. Heartbreak. Kissing. Sharing a bed. (first time I write for Hotch, so please bear with me) Haven't proof read yet. I don't know if I really like how it ended up tbh, but maybe it's just because I was really tired while writing it..?

You keep your gaze on the pages of the book, despite the words keep blurring together and after having read the same paragraph four times over, without even having registered what you have read. You’ve given up on actually getting any reading done, but you don’t want anyone talking to you right now and you still have almost four hours left before you land in Idaho. So you keep eyes glued to the book, hoping that the act of pretending to read will deter any unwanted conversation.

You can feel his eyes on you, not all the time, but you feel how his gaze occasionally lingers on you. It’s subtle, almost imperceptible, but you sense his presence nonetheless.

Taking in a deep breath you look up from the book to steal a glance in his direction, catching his eye for a brief moment before he looks away. There’s a flicker of something in his expression, a hint of longing that mirrors your own. But just as quickly as it appeared, it’s gone, replaced by the stoic mask he wears so well as he continues his conversation with Derek.

The last two weeks have been painful, filled with a whirlwind of emotions and unanswered questions since Aaron had ended your relationship, before it even had a chance to really begin. It’s been three years since you joined the BAU and from the very beginning you had felt drawn to Aaron Hotchner in a way that defied logic and reason, like there was a connection between you that transcended the professional boundaries of boss and subordinate.

A silly crush is what it had started as, but the more you got to know him, the more you realized that what you felt was far more than just that. It was a deep, undeniable attraction, a connection that went beyond the surface level. And as time passed, that initial spark grew into something more profound, something that stirred your soul and filled your heart with warmth.

Sometimes you had let yourself hope that he felt the same way, that the moments of shared glances and unspoken words between you held a deeper meaning, but you had never dared act on it, or let yourself get your hopes up too high. The reality of Aaron’s position as your boss and the boundaries it imposed had always stood as a barrier. The unspoken rules of professionalism, the fear of risking his or your career and the harmony of the team had kept your feelings hidden, buried beneath layers of duty and obligation.

It was three months ago that things had changed between you. It had been a moment of vulnerability, a shared confession during a late-night conversation with the raw emotions of the aftermath of an exceptionally harrowing case that had laid bare the depths of your emotions, and the longing that had simmered beneath the surface for so long had reached a point of no return.

He had kissed you that night and it was sweet and tender, yet charged with unspoken desire and desperation. It was a moment of surrender, a brief glimpse into a world where the barriers between you could be broken down and the feelings you had both been suppressing could be allowed to flourish.

The next couple months had been a whirlwind of stolen moments and whispered confessions, each one deepening the bond between you in ways that words could never fully capture. There were secret meetings in secluded corners of the BAU office, stolen kisses in the quiet of the night, and shared glances that spoke volumes without a single word being uttered.

But as the days turned into weeks, and the weeks into months, a shadow began to loom over your newfound connection. Aaron had started to act distant and reserved, his once warm and affectionate demeanor now replaced by a noticeable aloofness. And two weeks ago on a night where the both of you had stayed late to finish some reports he had told you that it all had been a mistake, and that the two of you should maintain a strictly professional relationship moving forward.

His words had cut through the air with a sharp finality and landed like a heavy blow, shattering the fragile hope that had still lingered within you. Aaron’s eyes had been averted, unable to meet your gaze as he spoke the words that shattered your heart.

You steal another glance at Aaron, watching as he maintains his composure in conversation with Derek, his mask of professionalism firmly in place.

You turn back to your book, the words still a jumbled mess on the page. You can’t pretend to read anymore, not when your heart is heavy with memories and unspoken words. With a sigh, you close the book, making Emily, who is seated across the aisle, glance up from the case file she is reading with a questioning look.

You offer her a faint smile, attempting to convey a sense of normalcy despite the turmoil swirling within you.

“You okay?” she asks as she sets aside the case file. You appreciate her gesture, knowing that Emily’s intuition often went beyond words.

You take a moment to collect your thoughts, the weight of unspoken emotions pressing down on you. With a small nod, you offer Emily a reassuring smile, though it doesn’t quite reach your eyes.

“Yeah, I’m okay. Just a lot on my mind,” you reply softly, the words carrying a weight that belie their simplicity.

Emily nods in understanding, her gaze holding a sense of sympathy. “He’s an idiot, by the way,” she says with a wry smile, and you feel how your heart stops for a second, panicking at the thought of Emily uncovering the truth of what has unfolded between you and Aaron.

“What do you mean?” you stammer, the words tumbling out before you can stop them, your heart pounding in your chest as you wait for Emily’s response.

Emily just smiles at you as she picks up her file again. “We’re profilers, it’s not hard to read between the lines,” Emily says with a knowing glint in her eyes, her smile reassuring and understanding. “And you’re not as hard to read as you think, it’s clear that you have been dating someone, you have been looking like a smitten kitten for months, it’s been really cute to see, by the way, but something has changed recently. You’ve been distant, and often lost in thought sulking,” Emily continues, her tone gentle yet perceptive.

It’s not like it really surprises you, given how perceptive Emily is, and how deeply you’ve been feeling the shifts in your relationship with Aaron, but you had still hoped that you could have hidden your feelings from colleagues.

“So, yeah, whoever he is that has you feeling like this is an idiot, you’re clearly a catch,” Emily says with a reassuring smile, her words carrying a sense of warmth and understanding.

You feel relief wash over you, though Emily has sensed that you’ve been heartbroken, she hasn’t figured out that it is our boss that has been the course of it.

“Thanks, Em,” you say, offering the dark haired woman a tired but grateful smile.

Emily returns your smile. “If you ever need to talk or just... not talk, I’m here,” she offers, her voice warm and reassuring.

“I appreciate that,” you say, and you do really mean it, but you know that you’re not ready to talk about any of this yet. “But I think I’ll try to take a nap first, hopefully clear my head a bit before we land.”

“Mm, sounds like a plan,”Emily responds with a soft chuckle.

Grabbing the blanket from the empty seat next to you, you lean back in your seat, engulfing your body in the soft, fluffy material.

Before closing your eyes you cast one last glance at Aaron, his profile etched against the soft glow of the cabin lights. The memories of stolen moments with stolen kisses floods your mind, mingling with the ache of his recent rejection. You feel a pang in your heart, a mix of longing and sorrow, as you turn away, curling up in your seat, closing your eyes to the world outside.

You pull the blanket closer around you, the soft warmth of the blanket envelops you, cocooning you in a sense of comfort and security, providing a shield against the turmoil of your heart. The gentle hum of the airplane engines lulls you into a state of relaxation, the rhythmic sound serving as a soothing backdrop to your thoughts and emotions.

As you feel yourself drifting further into the realm of sleep, your senses start to weaken, the sounds of the airplane cabin fading into a distant murmur and you barely register the tears gently sliding down your cheeks before you drift off.

· · · · ·

You’re softly pulled out of sleep by the gentle touch of a hand on your shoulder. As you slowly flutter your eyes open, the soft glow of the cabin lights illuminates the figure beside you.

“Hey, sleepyhead, we’re about to land,” Derek’s voice is warm and filled with a hint of amusement as he gently rouses you from your slumber.

You blink a few times, the remnants of sleep still lingering in your mind as you adjust to the reality of the present moment. With a small smile, you offer Derek a nod of gratitude. Slowly, you sit up in your seat, the blanket slipping off your shoulders as you get ready for touchdown.

As the plane begins its descent, you feel a mix of emotions swirling within you - longing, sorrow, and a hint of resignation. The turbulence of your heart echoes the turbulence in the jet cabin as you start dissenting onto a lower altitude.

As the cabin lights dim in preparation for landing, you look up to find Aaron’s eyes looking in your direction, his gaze briefly meeting yours before he looks away, a shadow covering his features in the soft glow. This would all be so much easier if he would stop looking at you all the time.

You take a deep breath, trying to steady your emotions as the plane continues its descent. The mix of longing and sorrow in your heart feels almost suffocating, but you push it aside. You have to focus, have to keep your head clear for the sake of the case, you are a professional and you are not going to let your emotions cloud your mind. As the wheels touch the runway with a slight jolt, signaling your arrival in Idaho, you

And as the team disembarks from the plane and makes their way to the awaiting SUVs, you feel a sense of resolve settling within you, happy to no longer be confined to the limited room of the jet cabin and as you step out into the crisp evening air, you release a sigh of relief.

You watch Aaron walk ahead of you, his posture rigid and his expression unreadable as he walks to one of the cars and you beeline for the other. You keep your gaze fixed outside the window for most of the car ride, watching the landscape pass by in a blur as the car speeds towards its destination, a little sleepy town about an hour away.

As you and the team arrive at the local police station, you can feel the tension between you and Aaron simmering just beneath the surface. The case at hand requires your full attention, and you push aside the turbulent thoughts and emotions that threaten to consume you as you focus on the task at hand.

Throughout the evening and early night, you work alongside the team, profiling the unsub and piecing together clues to hopefully catch the unsub before they strike again. The familiarity of the work, the rhythm of profiling and investigating grounding you in the present moment, making you go into a state of laser focused professionalism. You find a sense of purpose in the work you do, a reminder that you are more than the turmoil of your emotions.

But as the night wears on, the team regroups at the hotel to get a few hours of sleep before continuing the investigation in the morning. You find yourself standing outside the small hotel, looking up at the dark, star lit sky and as you turn to head inside and join the rest of the team, you feel your heart do a little jump in your chest as you see Aaron standing a few feet away, his gaze fixed on you, his usual stoic expression faltered, his brown eyes softening as they meet yours.

For a moment, the world around you seems to fade away, leaving just the two of you standing in the quiet night, and suddenly, you know that the decision you have made to the hard choice you’ve struggled with for the past two weeks is the right one.

Without saying a word, you walk towards him, a mix of uncertainty and determination coursing through you. As you come to a stop in front of him, he opens his mouth to speak, but you raise a hand to silence him. “Not here,” you say softly, your voice barely above a whisper, and you gently take his hand, leading him towards a secluded corner of the hotel grounds.

As you come to a stop, you turn to face him, the dim light of the night casting shadows across his face. With a heavy sigh, you search his eyes for any sign of the man you once knew, the man who had kissed you with such tenderness and held you with such care, for the man you think might’ve even loved you. You had loved him, had long before he kissed you, and you still love.

“Aaron, I…” you begin, trailing off as you feel all the words in your head leave you as you look into his eyes, remembering that night he had kissed you for the first time. It had been a late night just like this one, it had been the first time you had ever called him by his first name.

“Let’s sit,” he says, his voice gentle yet strained, as he guides you to a nearby bench. You both sit in silence for a moment, the weight of unspoken words hanging heavily between you. Finally, Aaron speaks, his voice raw with emotion. “I’m sorry for hurting you, for leading you on, for... for everything.” His words are filled with regret, and you can see the pain in his eyes, a pain that mirrors your own.

He reaches out his hand, hesitating before resting it on yours. His touch is soft and hesitant but filled with unspoken longing and you feel how your heart skips a beat, how you have missed the feeling of him touching you, even if it’s just the slightest of touches.

“I never wanted to hurt you,” he says, his voice now barely above a whisper.

‘But it did hurt, it hurt so, so much’, is what you want to say. But as you look into Aaron’s eyes, filled with regret and vulnerability, you find yourself unable to form the words, the intensity in the warm, chocolate brown depths of his gaze rendering you speechless. You see the conflict within him, the turmoil of emotions swirling beneath the surface, and you feel the need to avert your gaze.

You look down at his hand on yours, the warmth of his touch sending a shiver down your spine in the balm night air. For a moment, you allow yourself to savor the familiar sensation, the connection that still linger between you despite the circumstances.

Aaron’s hand tightens slightly around yours, a silent plea for understanding. “You deserve so much better than that,” he murmurs, his thumb gently stroking the back of your hand.

You take a deep breath, the words forming in your mind before you speak them out loud. “Maybe I don’t want you to decide for me what I do and don’t deserve,” you say, looking up at him again, your voice steady despite the emotions swirling within you. Aaron’s eyes widen slightly at your words, a mix of crossing his features.

It seems like it’s his turn to be lost for words, which for some reason seems to give you a bit more courage. You fill your lungs with another deep breath before opening your mouth.

“I’m quitting,” you declare, your voice firm and resolute. You’ve been struggling with making the decision, but as you look at Aaron now, face lit up by the soft moon light you know that it is the only decision for you, you are never gonna be able to let him go if you keep working for the BAU. “I’m turning in my resignation letter when we get back from this case.”

Aaron’s eyes widen in shock, his grip on your hand tightening even more as he processes your words. The weight of your statement hangs heavy in the air between you, the unspoken implications of what this means for both of you settling in. You can see how a myriad of emotions flicker across his face – surprise, concern, and perhaps a glimmer of something else that you can’t quite place.

“You can’t do that,” Aaron’s voice is firm but filled with a mix of concern and resignation, his gaze searching yours for any sign of doubt

You can’t help but feel a pang of hurt at his words, it’s not like you had expected him to be happy about your decision, but a little, and probably naive, part of you had hoped that he would acknowledge that it would be the solution to how the two of you could be together, hoped that he still wanted that. But you’re not leaving the BAU for the slim chance that you can be with Aaron. You’re quitting because it’s become clear to you that it is the only solution. If the only time you can push aside the pain of being around him is when you’re actively investigating a violent crime case, you have to let him go, and you can only do that by leaving the BAU.

“Yes, I can… I have to, I think,” you say firmly, yet you feel your heart breaking a little by the thought of leaving. “I need to do this for myself. For my own well-being,” you continue, your gaze unwavering as you look into his eyes. “I can’t keep pretending that everything is okay when it’s not.”

Aaron remains silent for a moment, his expression unreadable as he processes your words. Finally, he sighs, a hint of resignation in his voice. “I never wanted it to come to this,” he admits, his voice heavy with regret.

“I know,” you reply softly, a tinge of sorrow coloring your words. “But we both knew the risks when we started this.”

“I should never have put you in this position,” Aaron says, his gaze dropping to the ground as he speaks. “I should never have kissed you that night. Ilet my own feelings cloud my judgment, and I hurt you in the process. I’m your boss, and I took advantage, and I-I hurt you, and…”

“No, look at me, please.” You reach out and gently cub his cheek in your hand, making him meet your gaze. “Aaron, it wasn’t just you. I wanted it too, I wanted to be with you,” you confess, your voice breaking slightly with emotion. “I wanted to take the risk because I thought it was worth it. And maybe it was, for a while. But we can’t keep going like this, Aaron. It’s not fair to either of us.”

Aaron’s eyes search yours, a mix of emotions swirling within their depths. “What are you saying?” he asks softly, his voice filled with a hint of desperation.

“I’m saying that I need to let you go,” you say, your voice barely above a whisper. “I need to let go of this hope that maybe someday we could find a way to be together. I can’t keep holding on to something that’s only causing us both pain.” Tears gather in the corners of your eyes as you speak, the weight of your decision pressing down on you. But despite the pain, you feel a sense of clarity wash over you, a sense of liberation in finally speaking the truth.

Aaron’s eyes soften, his hand coming up to gently grasp yours that’s still cupping his cheek. “I’m so sorry,” he whispers, his voice filled with regret and sorrow. You offer him a sad smile, tears finally spilling down your cheeks as you lean forward to press a soft kiss to his cheek before pulling away.

“Me too, Aaron,” you say softly, your voice filled with a mix of love and heartbreak. As you stand up from the bench, you turn to walk away, the weight of your decision settling in your heart. But before you can take a step, you feel a hand grasp yours, stopping you in your tracks. You turn back to see Aaron standing before you, his eyes filled with determination and a hint of something you can’t quite place.

“I...I can’t let you leave without saying this,” Aaron begins, his voice wavering slightly. “I’ve been a fool. I’ve let my own fears and insecurities cloud my judgment, and in the process, I’ve hurt you. But I can’t let you go without telling you that I love you. ”

Your heart skips a beat at his words, the depth of his confession washing over you like a wave. For a moment, you feel a flicker of hope ignite within you, a spark of possibility that maybe, just maybe, there’s a chance for the two of you. “But what does that mean, Aaron?” you ask softly, your voice filled with a mix of hope and trepidation. “What are you saying?”

Aaron takes a deep breath, his gaze unwavering as he speaks. “I’m saying that I don’t want to lose you. I don’t want to live with the regret of letting you slip away. I want to fight for a future where you are a part of my life. I know it won’t be easy, I know there are risks and complications, but I can’t let you go without at least trying cause I love you.”

Tears stream down your cheeks as you look into Aaron’s eyes, the sincerity and love shining within them filling your heart with warmth and longing. Taking a step closer to Aaron, you reach out to cup his face in your hands, meeting his gaze with determination.

“I love you, too. I think I’ve loved you from the moment I met you.”

Aaron’s eyes widen in surprise, a mix of emotions flickering across his features. Without another word, he closes the distance between the two of you, his lips capturing yours in a kiss filled with passion and longing. The world falls away as you melt into each other, lost in the moment of shared love and desire as the man you love kisses you under the moonlight.

The kiss deepens, becoming a promise of the future you both want to fight for, a pledge to overcome the obstacles that stand in your way, a balm for the weeks of heartbreak. And as you break apart, breathless and filled with emotion, you feel how your entire body shivers, already missing the feeling of Aaron’s warm lips against yours.

“You’re freezing,” Aaron frowns, quickly shredding himself of his suit jacket and draping it around your shoulders before wrapping his arms around you in a tight embrace. “Let’s get you inside.”

You nod, your heart swelling with hope and love as he takes your hand in his, leading you back to the hotel. Hotel might be a little generous; it’s more of a bed and breakfast, with so few rooms that the team had to pair up and share, but it was the only accommodation in town and it is not like you and the team aren’t used to having to share rooms from time to time.

It turns out the rest of the team has already paired up and hit the hay, leaving only one room since you’re the last two to arrive. “Looks like you and I’ll have to share a room,” you say, a small smile playing on your lips, an hour ago you would be horrified by it, but now you’re absolutely thrilled about it.

“Yeah, looks like it,” he says with a soft smile on his face as you get your keys before taking your hand in his again and leading you to your shared room.

As you step inside, the warmth of the room envelops you, melding with the warmth of Aaron’s touch as he pulls you into his arms, his lips finding yours once more in a sweet, tender embrace. In the dim light of the hotel room, with the moon casting a soft glow through the curtains, the emotions swirling within you are no longer suffocating, but freeing, as you surrender to the love that has bound the two of you together.

As you finally break apart and look around it turns out that the room is a twin room, with two beds divided by a bedside table. It makes sense that your coworkers didn’t leave you to share a room with a shared bed.

You share a knowing look with him before the both of you start to quickly get ready for bed, it’s late and you’re both exhausted and there is only a few hours till you’ll need to get up again.

You share one last kiss before moving to your respective beds, but as you lay there, the distance between you feels unbearable. The man you have been pining over for three years has just a little while ago told you that he loves you after weeks of heartbreak and he lies so close yet you can’t even touch him? That’s ridiculous!

“I can’t do this,” you whisper, your voice filled with longing as you look at Aaron.

“I know,” he replies, his voice just as filled with yearning as he pulls his covers to the side letting you slip into the bed with him.

You settle into his arms, feeling the warmth of his body against yours, and you feel as if you’re finally coming home. The walls that had been built between you are crumbling down, allowing you to embrace the love that has always been between you.

As you snuggle closer to Aaron, his arms wrapped tightly around you, you feel a sense of peace wash over you. The turmoil of the past weeks fades away, replaced by a deep sense of contentment and love.

“I’m never letting you go again,” Aaron whispers, his breath warm against your ear, and you know that he means it. And you know that you never want to let him go either.

With a smile on your face, and your heart full of love and hope, you drift off to sleep in the arms of the man you love, knowing that no matter what challenges lie ahead, you will face them together.

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kingtomura · 2 months

Text

Cat and mouse

synopsis: Your ex boyfriend has some nerve texting you at three in the morning — an entire week after the disaster breakup you had. You should really go over there and give him a piece of your mind. Well, you know what they say about famous last words. wc: 6.1k | crossposted to ao3 content: tomura shigaraki x female reader, no quirks au, toxic tomura, reader is kinda toxic too tbh, unhealthy relationships, breaking up and making up, vaginal fingering, overstim, breeding kink, piv, dubcon creampie, degredation, threats of baby trapping, hurt/comfort, sweet at the end idc

You’ve told your friends time and time again to stay out of your business. They never listen.

“Oh my god, Kirishima? Is he even twenty yet?” You drag as you watch your friend flip through several pictures of the redheaded boy like he was a member of the bachelor.

She smiles, scrolling her phone for more options, “no, but he will be in a couple of months!”

“No!” Your words are sharp. You love Mina but god, you don’t want her to play matchmaker with you. It’s not like you’re a charity case or something.

She gasps and you swear you could see the lightbulb go off above her head. “What about Denki? He’s fun!”

You groan, falling back onto the bed and covering your eyes with your arm. “Mina.”

“Hey, just give her a break okay? It’s only been about a week.” Your saving grace Yaoyorozu speaks up and it’s nice to finally have someone on your side.

“Thank you.”

“Seriously? So we’re just going to sit around and watch you mope about all day?” Mina questions, irritation clear in her voice and it grates your ears.

“Preferably, yes! Just let me be.” You roll over, face officially shoved into your pillow. It’s been a rough couple of days and you haven’t gotten a single call or text from Tomura. Not that you should be expecting one. You broke up with him after all.

It’s just.. this time feels different. Usually there’s more arguing and he’s fighting for you to stay around, but this time there was nothing. No quips, no insults, just “fine, get out then.”

That hurt the most.

You had no idea what he was up to.

Maybe he was as depressed as you were.

Maybe he’s found someone else.

The thought makes you stop in your tracks. The idea of Tomura, your tomura with someone else is enough to make you nauseous.

You jump to your feet and rush to the bathroom, locking yourself in and falling to your knees.

God, what if that was why it was so easy?

You pull out your phone, the device lighting up and unlocking with your facial id.

Tomura doesn’t use social media much but you could still check to see if he’d blocked you.

To your surprise, he hadn’t.

He hasn't posted anything either and there’s no new person in his followers.

You feel yourself exhale a breath you didn’t realize you had been holding. No change is a good thing.

There’s knocking on the door and you thank the stars you locked it. Your friends would judge you so hard if they saw you lurking through your ex’s social media.

“Hey, are you okay in there?” It’s your saving grace Yaoyorozu again and you almost feel bad for shutting her out.

“Yeah, I’m sorry if it feels like I pressured you! I’ll give you some space.” Mina's regretful voice calls and it makes your heart clench. You know she means well but she just doesn’t understand. None of them do.

Whether you want to admit it or not, you love Tomura.

Yes, you argue and yes, you fight, but he just gets you. He’s so cynical, but so caring — in his own special way. Too bad he was such an asshole. The argument wasn’t even supposed to go that far.

There are tears beginning to blur your vision and you wipe them away, willing the feelings down and standing to your feet.

If he wanted you to stay away, then fine. You could do that.

You splash cool water onto your face and take a breath, steeling yourself and getting ready to face your friend once more. It was Saturday and they were convinced you needed a fun girl’s night.

It takes a lot to refrain from cringing at the phrase, but you believe they held some truth with the idea. You definitely didn’t want to be alone right now.

You unlock the bathroom door, meeting Mina and Yaoyorozu’s worried expressions with a smile.

“We should probably get ready now, huh?”

Mina’s eyes light up, smile blinding and excitement contagious.

“Yes! Jirou and the others are here now.” She starts to clap, excitement buzzing around her, “Girl’s night is going to be amazing!”

—-

Girl’s night was a bust.

The moment everyone arrived the apartment quickly filled with chaos. Noisy and busy, it was all giving you a headache. Until someone decided it would be a good idea to pregame before going out.

In preparation for the night your friend’s insisted that you get dolled up, hair makeup and skimpy clothes you wouldn’t look twice at on any normal day.

You had to admit it made you a little more excited to get out and at least feel like your world isn't crashing around you. It was supposed to be a fun little night out. Somehow one drink turned into two, which turned into three which turned into Mina swearing she could beat everyone in a dance battle.

The group only got more riled up as everyone indulged in this silly challenge.

One challenge leads to another, which leads to more drinking, which then ends in everyone being too drunk to function and knocking out — all laid out in odd places around your living room floor and couch.

The groggy feeling came first, your arms radiating in dull pain as you vaguely recalled trying to beat Mina in a contest of who could do the most push ups. It sure as hell wasn't you, but the drunk version of you thought it was possible to move mountains.

You blink a few times, trying to will your eyes to rapidly adjust to the darkness of the room and find out what this odd buzzing noise beside you had been. Turning over, you find your phone, squinting as the too bright screen lights up your face and you see that it is three a.m.

You had fallen asleep with everyone else.

The phone buzzes again, lighting up and you have to squint further to read the contact name.

Tomura.

Your eyes widen as you scan over the three texts he’s sent you.

Wasting no time, you rush to your feet and into the bathroom so you can look at your phone without the chance of prying eyes overlooking your shoulder. Even though they were probably going to be out until late morning.

Tomura’s messages were short, no paragraphs, no essays but three different messages sent in succession.

When are you coming to get your shit?

I’m tired of waiting.

And I’m deleting our farm btw.

The first two messages don’t get much of a reaction from you, especially since it’s three a.m and he knows you’re usually asleep around this time.

But the third message…

Your Stardew Valley farm that you’ve had and worked on together for almost two years being put on the line and threatened? What the fuck was his problem?

This farm was a constant in your relationship. Throughout the ups and downs and back and forths. You were sure that hell would freeze over before you both would give up that progress. But here he is, threatening you while you would have been asleep. What an asshole.

Your feet are moving before your brain can stop them and you make your way to the front door. Since your friends were all passed out it would be easy to sneak over to Shigaraki’s place, give him a piece of your mind and then sneak back. In and out, quick and easy.

Your decision is made and you grab your coat, deciding to just go over there as you are. You hadn’t changed out of your outfit that was supposed to be for the night out, but it didn’t matter. You only needed to get over there and get there fast.

Once you arrive at Tomura’s doorstep you waste no time knocking. It’s around three in the morning so he should still very much be awake.

There's a chill in the air as you wait for his answer and you wrap your jacket closer to your body. A rumble of thunder caught your attention and it's then you notice the rain clouds rolling in. You knew it would only be a matter of time before the bottom of the sky falls out and rain drenches everything. You were on borrowed time if you wanted to make it back before then.

After what feels like forever the door finally opens, revealing a very cozy pajama-clad Tomura, who seemed a little too pleased for his own good — if that sly smile he was doing a bad job at hiding was anything to go by.

You don't give him a chance to greet you or say anything for that matter, stopping his words in their tracks as you cut him off. “What do you want?”

He doesn’t bother hiding his smirk now, the expression making your fists clench and your anger boil. “What do I want? You’re at my door, in front of my apartment.” He scoffs, clearly getting the exact reaction he had wanted from you, “I should be asking what do you want?”

Caught like a deer in headlights. Whatever, you don't let that stop you as you pull out your phone to show him his text. “You sent this, I know you’re bluffing. What do you want?”

Tomura shrugs, leaning against his door frame and giving you a pleased look. Expression relaxed and content. Not a care in the world. “To talk.”

“Well, I'm here now, so let’s talk.” You spit, crossing your arms and waiting for whatever else he would throw at you.

“Sure, but you should come in first.” He starts, looking up towards the darkened sky, confirming his assessment. “It’s gonna rain soon, you know.”

Of course you knew that.

You just didn’t want to give him more time than you had. But you agree and go in, ignoring the fighting feeling in the back of your mind screaming at you to turn away and hightail it out of there.

Tomura’s home is the exact way it was the day you left, give or take a few more containers of takeout littered around the place. You have half a mind to scold him about it, but quickly remember that it isn’t your place to do that anymore.

So instead you stay quiet, following him into the apartment and into the living room. Opting to stand as he sat, and resisted the urge to get comfortable.

“So, what do you want to talk about?” You try, done watching him pick up a controller and boot up a video game. Seriously?

Your patience was wearing thin now as you watched him ignore you to play some stupid game. You try calling to him again, knowing this was probably a waste of your time and groans.

“I was in the middle of something before you got here. Let me finish and we’ll talk.” It's flippant the way he waves you off and continues the game. The lack of care only hurting your feelings further and making you realize this may have all been a big mistake on your part.

You shouldn’t be at your ex boyfriend’s house being ignored. You should be at your house getting drunk and hanging out with your best friends. There was no reason to stay somewhere you’re obviously not valued.

It’s a simple choice when you put it into perspective.

But things are always easier said than done.

You sigh, the air puffing out your cheeks, a bad habit you had when angry, and walk right in front of Tomura’s TV. There was more satisfaction in making him lose the game and then announcing your departure than just leaving quietly.

He cranes his neck to see around you, but it doesn’t work, finally giving up as his character inevitably dies. “What!?”

“I’m leaving!” You announced, turning on your heel and heading towards the front door.

“You had to make me lose first? I said I was almost done!” He spat back, rising from the couch to follow you.

You shrug, “I don’t care. Why invite me in if you’re just going to ignore me?”

“Didn’t think you had the patience of a child.'' Tomura stands in front of you, cutting through your path and stopping you in your tracks.

It's almost comical the way he insults you. “Okay pot, meet kettle.” You try to brush past him, but he side steps with you.

“What are you dressed like that for anyway? Did you go out tonight or something?”

“No!” You deny, a little louder than intended and then pause. “But it’s none of your business what I do anyway.”

Tomura hums at this, taking the words in and running them through his mind as he gives you a once over, eyes scanning from the too-tight shirt you wore — showing a generous amount of cleavage, down to your mini skirt that left little to the imagination.

“Could've fooled me.”

“What do you mean by that?” You hate when he gives you cryptic answers, like it’s impossible to pry into his mind to see what he was thinking at the moment.

“You knew you were coming to see me so I dont get why you're wearing that skimpy shit. Unless you wanted me to check you out.”

“Not everything is about you, Tomura. Maybe I just wanted to dress up and look nice.”

“Bullshit—”

“God, Tomura you always fucking do this!” You yell, walking right up into his face. The excitement in his scarlet eyes sends a chill up your spin, but you can’t back down.

He gets closer, matching your tone and you can still see the grin he’s trying to hide. It makes you see red. “Do what? Tell you the truth? You know I’m not wrong.”

“Yeah, you think you know everything, but you don’t. I’m dressed up because I want to be, not because of you.” You’re insisting at this point, frustration threatening to tip over and spill out into the form of another pointless argument. Why did you think you could actually come over and have a decent conversation with him?

Tomura is a master at getting under your skin and hitting where it hurts. In all of your arguments he’s never really pulled out the big shots but you wouldn’t put it past him to do so now.

“Oh, so you come over to my place dressed like a slut and you expect me to believe you don’t have some hidden motive?”

And there it is.

Your last straw. He could be so egotistical and mean — you’ve had it.

You regret it the moment you do it, but your body moves before your brain can process your actions. You push Tomura. Hard.

He doesn’t fall back far but you know it’s enough to piss him off. And he’s never been one to hold anything back, so he shoves you back and your back hits the wall.

Tomura has you pinned before you know it and there’s a thrill that runs through your body in a way you know you shouldn’t be feeling. Your knees feel weak for reasons that are not related to fear and your panties were gradually becoming more wet.

His voice is low and his eyes are narrowed as he pins you against the wall, pressing your cheeks together with his other hand. “You’re really starting to piss me off.”

You have to bite back a smile, knowing this has taken a turn and you aren’t strong enough to stop where it’s going. Not that you would want to.

“Oh yeah? If I piss you off so badly then why are you hard?”

He doesn’t look down. He can feel his own arousal just as well as you can while it’s pressed against your abdomen.

Tomura pushes off of you — maintaining some distance as he turns away.

“You’re fucking annoying.”

“Sure am.” You supply, chipper and certain as you trail behind him.

He’s walking further into the apartment, and you follow. Legs moving on their own accord as you go further into the lion's den, exchanging quips and insults. You jab your finger into his shoulder, bothered by the way he continues to ignore you, it's a pathetic attempt at catching his attention and it works. Kind of.

The only response being him slapping your hand away with a glare and muttering a soft fuck off as he walked on.

You both went back and forth. Like the sun and moon, you just can’t stay away from each other.

It was how these things usually went between you and Tomura. He would start up, make a petty argument and you would never back down. Tomura is someone who was used to getting his way and others simply did what he said with no objections.

But that was not how you were.

And he loved it.

You knew by the way he would get that devious glimmer in his eye when you would challenge a point, starting up a debate. Sometimes they were heated enough to make you both break up. It never lasted more than a few days. A week being the longest.

Push and pull.

Tomura made his way past you again, ignoring your calls about how you hate being ignored. At this point you’re sure he’s doing it on purpose to rile you up more but you can’t help but take the bait. You grab his shoulder, forcing him to turn around and face you as you point a finger in his face.

“Stop walking away from me!”

He grabs your wrist and pulls you closer, making you stumble on your feet and almost lose balance. You were so close you could feel the heat from his body and smell the fresh linen scent of his shirt. “Don’t tell me what to do.”

You snatch your wrist away from him, tension between you two growing hotter by the second as the space between you got thinner.

“What are you going to do about it?”

The narrowing of his eyes only made your grin grow wider as you watched the gears turn in his head as he thought about just how many things he would do about it. All of it enticed you, so you beat him to the punch.

You reach forward again, fully intending to shove his shoulder again for another reaction, another glare, maybe even more words, but he stops you. It was fast, the way you both tumbled through the hallway as Tomura crashed his lips to yours. The relief of finally feeling his lips again meshed with the excitement of how rough he was with you.

You lose yourself in the kiss, welcoming him in with open arms as you vaguely register the dark walls of his room and posters plastered along the walls in your scuffle.

It was exciting, probably the best part of breaking up and making up. At this point you think the whole point of falling apart is coming back together again. An endless cycle where the reward is worth the punishment.

Cat and mouse.

You end up on top of him, straddling his hips while your smug smile beams down at him. Tomura gives you an unamused look in return, yet the way his hands rested on your thighs gave away the ill hidden interest. It was all the encouragement you needed as you leaned down, hovering above him with both hands on his chest.

“Not so tough now, are you?”

It’s bait. You know it’s bait, he knows it’s bait, but he takes it anyway — the way you knew he would.

Tomura wastes no time flipping the both of you over, quickly reversing your positions as he settled himself between your legs. It’s dangerous the way his actions riled you up further, and you have to bite your lip to keep the smile from betraying your false anger. You couldn’t let him know how excited you were to be back in his bed.

He presses your cheeks together and rocks your head left to right, tone mocking and eyes wild with fever, “Oh, look who’s become a firecracker all of the sudden. Where did that flame come from, huh?”

You want to respond, but Tomura beats you to it, releasing your cheeks and pointing a nimble finger against your forehead, “Don’t be dumb.”

His eyes trail from yours and then down to your lips, then finally down to your exposed cleavage. The movement was swift as he cupped one of your breasts in his hand and dipped down, claiming your lips again. It was softer than the first time but not by much, especially not when he matched his pace by grinding his clothed erection into you, making you moan at the contact.

Your skirt was so short and it made you feel even more exposed than you already were. Tomura had easy access to you and the thin fabric of your panties made everything feel so much closer.

You moan at the contact, swiping your tongue against Tomura’s bottom lip and wasting no time deepening the kiss as you pull him closer. You needed more and you needed it as soon as possible.

Tomura pulled the low cut front of your shirt down, easily exposing your breasts from the confines of the shirt and massaged them, his thumbs rubbing soothing circles against your nipples and making you cry out from the sensitivity.

He pulls away from you, eyes gazing into yours and you swore in that moment he put you in a trance. Tomura’s ruby red gaze always left you mesmerized and you can’t help the whimper that leaves your lips, brows furrowed and eyes wanting, “Please.”

“Please what?” And he’s not taunting you, he’s not mocking you. His eyes are soft as he brings a hand to your cheek. “Tell me what you want.”

“You.” Fuck, you’ve missed him. “I just want you.”

There’s a hint of a smile on his face as he strokes your cheek, soft look in his eyes making your heart flutter, and then it’s gone. Replaced by a hardened gaze as he moves to remove your shirt and bra, fully exposing you to his hungry eyes, and then moves to remove your short skirt.

His hands hover there for a moment, debating whether or not he should keep it on and fuck you in it, but then decides against the idea and pulls it off, taking your soaked panties down with it as well.

The air in the room feels cool against your skin as you shiver in anticipation.

“Fuck,” Tomura whispers, now eye level with your cunt. You gasp as he runs two fingers between your wet folds and holds the digits up to show you. Syrupy clear slick clung to them, slowly trailing down as Tomura rose back up, eye level with you once more.

“You’re so wet…” He murmured, bringing the digits to your mouth and you opened, taking them into your mouth and tasting yourself. You kept eye contact as you watched his eyes widen in delight — Tomura loved it when you put on a show for him.

There’s another moment of Tomura pressing against your tongue with his fingers and then he pulls them out, opting for a kiss in exchange, his tongue dipping into your mouth and groaning as he could taste what’s left of your slick on you as well.

The pleasant feeling and linguid action of your movements made your shoulders relax as you practically melted into his soft bed, the feeling of his body above yours bringing you mountains of comfort. It was a distraction, of course.

You felt the same two of Tomura’s fingers prod at your slick entrance before pressing in fully and all the way down to the knuckle. The stretch was intense but the pressure was euphoric, making you squeeze your eyes shut and grip him closer.

He didn’t make you wait long as he pumped his fingers, quickly finding that sensitive spot so deep inside of you that only he could pinpoint and brushing against it over and over.

The feeling was so good it made you pull away from the kiss to breathe, thighs twitching and toes curling in pleasure. You wouldn’t last long like this.

“Tomura, fuck..!” You moaned, drowning in ecstasy as he continued his abuse of your spot, never letting up or slowing down, aiming to make you cum as quickly as he could. It was obvious he wanted you to come undone as soon as possible by the way he watched your every expression.

The way your brows furrowed to the way you bit your lip. Tomura eagerly drank every expression and gave it back to you in the form of pleasure.

“What?” He started, unphased by your dilemma, “Gonna cum?”

It took a lot of focus and effort, but you nod — done with fighting for the night and accepting the fact that you will come apart quickly. So you give in to the pleasure.

Tomura smiles, a devious grin splitting his features as he curls his fingers, hitting the spot one more time for good measure and you lose composure, your climax crashing into you like a tidal wave. There was nothing you could do besides ride the feeling while holding on to Tomura tight — like you would get swept away if you didn’t.

He fucks you through it with his fingers, eyes never leaving your face as you come down from your high.

“Pent up, huh?” He questions, and this time there is that little hint of teasing. It brings you back to reality.

Yes, you have been pent up. You haven’t been able to get off to anything since you’ve broken up and it’s been hell.

You have no time for the games, you just want him and you want him now.

So, you take Tomura’s face in your hands, making him look you in the eyes. The flecks of black in his carmine eyes always makes you remember why you come back. Every single time.

“Fuck me, please, Tomura.” It's soft and filled with desire that you cannot be bothered to hide, and Tomura has never been one to deny you.

He quickly discards his own clothes, making sure to not stay away from you for long. His cock is hard and leaking precum from the head as he strokes it in preparation. You feel giddy at the thought and watch as he slides the head of his cock between your folds, coating it with your slick, and rubbing against your clit. The action makes your hips twitch up towards him.

He loves to tease and make you wait, but today he doesn’t make you wait long. Tomura leans down after lining himself up with your entrance and places his free hand behind your head, right above the nape of your neck. His hands were warm and the feeling of those hands cradling your head felt so comforting in the space of his familiar dark bedroom.

You bring a hand to his hair, tangling your fingers in his ashen locks as he pushes forward. The stretch makes you whimper and Tomura captures your lips in a kiss again, swallowing the noises and releasing a groan of his own as your walls tighten around his cock.

There's something about the way Tomura drags his hips, the way he starts off at a slow pace, winding you up as he steadily increases his speed and force. It happens so gradually that you don't realize you’re screaming his name until he tells you to shut up — threatening to cover your mouth because he didn't want his neighbors to hear how much of a slut you were.

It drove you mad the way he said it all with a smile and fucked you harder. Almost daring you to be louder so he can punish you with a hand over your mouth.

Tomura knew how rough you liked it and he always delivered, giving you back arching pleasure as he pounded into you. It leaves you gasping and struggling to keep your voice down. Your hands find the surface of his back, trying to hold on as much as you could with building pleasure on the horizon.

“Tomu— Tomura..! Please,” you cry and he doesn’t miss a beat, driving his cock so deep against your sweet spot it makes you see stars. “Fuck..!”

“Yeah, that’s it.” Tomura cooed, eyes filled with mischief as he brought you closer to the edge. “Cry for me.”

And you do, your body feeling euphoric as the feeling buzzed up your spine and filled your brain with the fuzz of ecstasy.

“What are you gonna do, huh?” He starts, his hips grinding against you, the closeness of his pelvis rubs against your clit, making you cry out again, “What are you gonna do when I breed this pretty cunt and make sure you’re stuck with me forever?”

He’s bluffing, you know Tomura doesn’t want kids. He’s just trying to gauge your reaction. Your dedication.

“Tomura…” You only moan, breath catching as he hits that spot inside you that he knows so well.

Tomura is smiling, wild and devious, as you look up at him with glossy eyes, so close to crying from the feelings, “I’m gonna do it. I’ll make you mine forever and you can’t do anything about it.”

“Ah!” You should stop him, tell him to calm down but he has your eyes rolling to the back of your head and your back arching off of the bed. Everything is blurring together and you can only slur words as the drool from your earlier kiss trails down your cheek.

You are completely at his mercy like this and you know your friends would be beyond disappointed.

It just feels so good the way his cock drags in and out of your body pulling moans and whines from your throat. He was relentless in the way he pounded into you — beyond the point of being soft and slow because he knows that’s exactly you like it.

“Say you want it.” The command comes with the slowing of his hips and you whine, high and needy as Tomura slows to a near stop.

“Tomura, I—“

“Say you want it or I swear to god I’ll stop right now.” It’s a threat and you don’t want to find out if he’ll go through with it. Tomura never goes back on his word.

“No, please, don’t— I want it!” you pant, frustrated and aching for more movement.

“I want you to,” you stammer, desperate to have your release. “I don’t care if you cum in me. I need you so bad.”

“That’s my girl,” He coos, dipping his head down onto your shoulder, “Fuck.. love you s’much”

You stop — you’ve never heard him say that. Ever. You doubted he would ever say it since it’s been so long.

He doesn’t give you a chance to ruminate on it because he's picking up the pace again and giving you the friction you were so deeply in need of. The feelings are swimming in your head as your cries reach new heights. Tomura is too far gone to stop you or care and you’re thankful. You couldn’t stop yourself if you tried.

The build of your orgasm crashes down and sends you with it, making your thighs quiver in pleasure and your eyes squeeze shut. Tomura’s mouth meets yours before you could cry out, the warmth of his tongue guiding you as he fucked you through it.

He didn’t last long after, the way your walls tightened around him with the force of your orgasm has Tomura’s pace erratic as he chased his own high.

The bed shook as Tomura finally finished, hips stuttered as he released inside of you, hot seed coating your insides and making heat rise to your cheeks. He really did it.

You watch as he slows to a stop above you, his eyes closed as he enjoys the feeling of release. Tomura’s breathing was heavy and you couldn’t stop yourself from bringing him down into another kiss, traveling from his lips to his cheeks and then back again.

It was intimate and you were worried it may have been too much, given the reason you were both in this situation was because of a stupid breakup.

Tomura’s pulls out of you, making you wince and taking the feeling of being so full away from you. He doesn’t go far, opting to stay on top of you and rest his head on your shoulder, wanting to keep you as close as possible.

“You really piss me off.” He mumbles into your shoulder, out of breath and tired. “God, why can’t you just stay with me.”

“Tomura…” Your hands run through his hair, the sweat is making it stick to his forehead as you wait for him to keep talking.

“Stop leaving me.” His voice is firm, unwavering.

“You told me to go.”

“I didn’t think you fucking would. I would never actually want you to.”

“I can’t read between the lines Tomura, I’m not in your head.” You make him look at you this time, pulling his hair a little to get him to raise his head. “Did you mean it?”

“I just said I didn’t—“

“No, the other thing you said.” He gives you a look of pure confusion and you lose a little bit of hope, “when you said you loved me?”

You stare into his carmine eyes, hoping, praying it wasn’t just pillow talk from the heat of the moment.

He looks at you for a long time, frustration still wearing on his features. If you didn’t know any better you would say he was pouting. “Of course I meant it. I’ve always felt like that.”

“But you’ve never said it!”

“I show it!”

“How?” This is getting frustrating and going in circles.

He groans, sitting up and taking his warmth with him. “I’m not going to sit here and list everything I’ve ever done for you. I don’t think it works like that.”

You open your mouth to counter, irritation on your tongue because that’s not what you meant, but Tomura stops you again.

“I don’t know how to explain it, okay?” He shakes his head and sighs, laying next to you on the bed and looking up at his ceiling. “It’s weird. I have these strong feelings, but it’s not hate, it's not anger. It's the opposite of that.”

You stare at him as he focuses ahead, keeping his eyes trained on the uninteresting ceiling above.

“Father said it’s a weakness and I should feel that way but,” There’s a pause as he looks away from the ceiling, meeting your eyes finally, “if it’s so weak of me, then why are the feelings so strong?”

Your heart aches. It's clear that he’s torn, and with the strange way he was raised you know that he can’t help the way he is.

“Tomura…”

“And it won’t go away. I can’t fight them down or push them away like I can with everything else. It eats me up and I… guess I lash out because of it.” He shakes his head and for the first time Tomura looks defeated. You’ve never seen him this way — he’s always been filled with confidence and self assured. “I just don’t know what to do.”

You bring a hand to his cheek as you press your forehead against his. It kills you that this is what’s been on his mind and you aren’t sure what you could do to fix it. Maybe there was nothing you could do, physically, but you would do your best to be there for him emotionally.

“Sometimes,” you try to be careful with your words, knowing how much Tomura looks up to his foster father even though the man has been nothing but strange to him. “People say things that aren’t true because they don’t know how to live with it.”

Tomura’s guardian cannot live with love nor the idea of it.

“That doesn't mean you have to live that way.”

And it’s the truth.

Tomura doesn’t say anything, just watches you with heavy lidded eyes, ruby red nearly glowing in the low light of the room. He was so much more than what people thought they knew of him and you didn’t care if it took time for others to see that.

He leans in, closing his eyes and you meet him halfway into a kiss.

It's warm and it's soft and you know that even when your phone is buzzing from dozens of missed calls and texts from your friends, it will be fine.

You and Tomura would take things one day at a time.

#shigaraki x reader #shigaraki tomura #shigaraki tomura x you #shigaraki tomura x reader #tomura x reader #mha x reader #my works #tomura shigaraki smut #shigaraki smut #shigaraki tomura smut #tomura shigaraki x reader #tomura shigaraki x you

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haetrack · 2 months

Note

did i hear mark request…

it’s late, you and mark have been spending the last week studying in the library every night for a big final. ur brain’s exhausted and u’ve been losing focus every now and again for the last hour but these last 15 mins, u’ve spent being distracted at how good mark looks next to u, extremely focused and determined to get through these practice papers. so u wanna see how long he can stay concentrated and quiet with ur hands all over him - he’s not quiet though this man is gonna moan and whine in ur ear like his life depends on it

(tbh i just wanna give this man a handjob in public and watch him finish)(he’s so hot)(i need him so bad)(maybe edge him a little too idk)

req 5: mark lee x afab!reader

wc: 2.7k

warnings: smut (MDNI!), public sex in a library, handjob, edging (HOORAY)

a/n: THIS WAS SO BEAUTIFUL… HE SO… HES SONSNDMFK

you’ve been sitting at the library with mark for hours. the words of the article in front of you begin blurring together, none of it is really clicking, none of it bothering to stick in your head. you could recite the whole study guide and its answers by now. you just keep getting distracted. every time you look over at mark, you lose focus.

you can’t help but let your mind drift, can’t help but think about doing a little more than kissing with him.

you and mark have been together for five months. still a fairly new relationship, and you are happy to call him your boyfriend. he’s sweet, attentive, funny, and cute, but you can’t help but wish for one thing. since you’ve gotten in a relationship, you haven’t really done anything but kiss. which is fine, but it always leaves you on edge.

you can tell he gets needy too, his hands wandering, groping around as he licks into your mouth. you can feel him try not to subtly grind into you, keeping you firmly sat on his thighs as he kisses you. it’s not something you can complain about, but it’s been sitting in your mind for too long.

even now, late at night at your school’s library, your bored mind is not safe from these thoughts. you look at him through the corner of your eyes, his eyebrows furrowed, eyes focused on the practice problems he was given to by his professor. his bites down on his bottom lip, fingers messing with the corner of the page as he tries to remember what to do.

he’s not even doing anything crazy, but here you are lusting over mark while you two are studying. it’s been like this for a whole week, your boyfriend inviting you out to study with him for finals week. are you in the same class he’s in? no, but you will be there for him whenever he asks. you also get a bonus of seeing him like this.

during the first part of the week, you actually did study. you both focused on your own work, took small breaks with each other, then went back to studying. it eventually evolved to you staring at scans of your textbook, eyes occasionally glancing to mark. tonight is worse, you can’t stop staring at him.

you check the time, nearly midnight. you look around and find a few other students, either dozing off or intensely doing their work. none of them are aware of their surroundings, none would see you in the small secluded corner you both are in. you shift a little in your seat, squeezing your thighs together to calm yourself down.

you let out a long groan, which catches mark’s attention. he tears his eyes away from his paper, amusement in his eyes as he presses a kiss to your temple. it takes everything in you to not throw yourself in his lap right there. instead, you place a hand on his thigh as you kiss him back. he lets out a small sigh at the touch, eyes closing from the feeling.

you pull away from him, hand still on his thigh as you look at him. his eyes are still lingering on your lips, pretty and swollen from the kiss. a quiet laugh leaves you, “how much more do you have left?”

“not a lot,” he huffs, “it’s just, i legit don’t think i can do them anymore.”

you smile at him, scooting your chair close to his, leaning your head on his shoulder, “want me to take a look?”

“well, do you know how to do this?” he points to his paper, an equation that shouldn’t make sense to anyone currently being shown to you.

“i’m not as smart as you, but i will be your personal cheerleader.” you press a kiss to his neck, enjoying how he shivers at the contact. you press a few more kisses until you reach his jawline, your hand squeezing around his thigh. he doesn’t try moving, eyes fixed on how your thighs squeeze together.

when you move your hand higher, his hand shoots down to your wrist. you think he might move it away, telling you he doesn’t want to do this here. you’d apologize quickly, choosing to do your work as you hold his hand.

he doesn’t though, he keeps your wrist there, a tight hold around your skin.

you move to put your head on his shoulder again. your fingers trace light patterns over his sweats. his leg begins bobbing up and down, waiting to see what you might do next. you’re almost surprised to see mark letting you go this far. you can feel the heat from his face, and you can see how his chest rises quickly.

you’re not sure if you want to initiate this here, but as you see mark squirm in his seat, you realize you might have to do something. you want him to tell you that he wants this. under the guise of being tired, you shut your eyes, exhaling while your hand continues to warm his thigh. you don’t want to pressure him into this, giving him the option to ignore you if he wants.

he tries. he tries to look at his paper again, trying to recall what he’s supposed to do. maybe he’d be able to figure it out if it weren’t for how close your hand was to his hardening cock. he’s not sure if it’s because of how frustrated he is or it finally dawned on him how pent up he is, but he needs you.

he lets out a shaky breath, your hand not moving from his spot. he shifts a little in his seat, moving your hand a little further up. it’s not where he needs you, but the feeling of your fingers tracing along his sweats has his cock twitching. he’s about to ask you to do something, but you beat him to it.

“do you need help with that, mark?”

he feels your gaze on his now too tight sweats, hard and begging for your touch. he bites back a groan when your fingers trace over the outline of his cock, squeezing at the tip. this the most you’ve ever touched him, and it’s getting to his head too fast. he bites down on his bottom lip, too scared to open his mouth.

there was a reason to all the times he’s pushed you off of him. he was so embarrassed, every time you kissed him on his lap, he couldn’t help but get so close to cumming. you weren’t doing anything intentional, but the feeling of your lips on his, the softs sounds you made, and the feeling of you on top of him sent a rush to his head.

for you to be so close to him, yet not where he needs you is enough for him to buck his hips into your hand. he lets out the smallest gasp. your lips graze his ears, “tell me what you want mark, i’ll give you anything you need.”

“want you to touch me, want you to touch my…” you can hear him swallow, “t-touch my cock, please.”

your hand teases the band of his sweets, messing with the drawstrings, “anything for you, markie.”

your hand finally slips under his sweats and boxers, hand slowly wrapping around his hard cock. this is better than any of your fantasies, feeling how he throbs in your hold. you let him sit with the feeling for a bit, your grip tightening around his length. he lets out a hiss, quickly covering his mouth when he realizes he’s still at the library.

your fingers move to glide over his tip, spreading the precum around, “guess you’ll have to be quiet, right?”

he nods quickly, eyes shaking when he looks down to see your hand in his pants, right where he needs you. he tries not to seem too eager, tries not to look like he’s currently being touched in the middle of the library. his eyes scan the room, everyone else too busy to be looking at them.

when your hand starts moving along his length, he turns to look at his paper, trying to look busy. his hands are gripping onto the table, knuckles turning white as he feels you touch him for the first time. it’s not the most ideal place, but he’s too pent up too care at this point.

your hand feels nice around him. it’s not like he hasn’t gotten a handjob before, but you’re the one touching him this time.

he’s not sure if it’s because he can see how affected you’re getting by watching him or how good your hand feels wrapped around his cock, but he’s close to cumming. it hasn’t even been that long, he swears that he usually isn’t like this. he bites down hard on his tongue, one of his hands wanting to cover his mouth to stop any moans from coming out.

you noticed how quiet he’s being, and you can’t have that. you know he must be close to cumming, his length throbbing in your hold. you slow your movements, whispering so only he can hear, “mark, won’t you tell me how good it feels? wanna hear how good you feel.”

he shakes his head, cheeks turning pink as he tries to figure out what to do. all he can think about is how close he is, how warm you feel as you lean against him. when he doesn’t answer, you tighten your grip around him, thumb teasing his tip. his whole body shakes, ready to fill his sweatpants with cum.

“mark,” you whine out, “are you close to cumming? aren’t you gonna tell me that you’re close?”

his mouth stays shut, his hips bucking up. his tip is heavily leaking, eyes closed as he fucks into your hand. you can’t believe you get to see him like this, get to see him try and hold back how good you make him feel. it’s when he lets out a small whine of your name when you pull your hand away from him.

he immediately turns to look at you, grabbing your wrist, trying to put together a sentence that makes sense. you let out a small laugh, swatting away his hands that reach for yours. you pout, “you didn’t wanna tell me that i was making you feel good.”

he whisper-shouts at you, “that’s it? i-i could’ve cum… please. just let me- let me try one more time.”

“hm… you still have work to do, right? focus on your work, mark.” you press a kiss to his cheek, leaning back against your chair.

mark stares hard at you, cock still hard in his sweats as he tries to see if you’ll touch him again. in fact, you gesture for him to keep working, eyes watching as he huffs. he turns back to the worksheets, mind too hazy to do any work now. he taps his pencil onto the page, nothing seems to come to mind.

a few minutes pass, mark calming down when he looks at his notes. the problem starts to make sense, slowly writing down the steps to the problem. he tries not to think of you too much, realizing just how quiet you’re being. he knows you can’t stay still for long, waiting for any move you might make.

before he knows it, your hand slithers down into his sweats, fingers lightly moving across his cock. he’s half-hard, beginning to twitch as you make a fist around his length. before he can turn all his attention, you grab him by the shoulder, “keep doing your work, mark. finish your work and i’ll let you cum.”

he nods, but you don’t start moving. you look at him in the eyes, your hand tightening around him, “need to hear you tell me. wanna hear you make some noise.”

he gulps, his whole body feeling hot, “i’ll… i’ll try.”

you make a small noise in excitement, hand finally touching him again. you watch as he puts all his focus on the paper in front of him, not writing anything down. he’s blankly staring at it, licking his lips as his eyes threaten to close. you move your hand faster, tightening your fist when you reach his tip. he’s losing himself quickly, letting out small noises at the feeling.

you push into his side, “do your work, mark. don’t want anyone looking over here and finding that mark lee is currently getting jerked off in the library.”

he lets out a gasp, hands shakily picking up his pencil. he can’t control himself, hips moving on their own as he tries to stop himself from making too much noise. he can feel your expectant stare, just waiting for him to make a sound. it’s when you tighten your fist around his base, slowly sliding up to his tip that he lets out a quiet moan of your name.

you sit up a little further, now fully watching his face as he tries to hide from you. his face is scrunched up, his hips now fucking your hand. he doesn’t care anymore, not when you’re making him feel so good, not when he can feel his orgasm quickly building up.

“f-fuck, your hand feels good. just-” he lets out a small whimper, “keep going, baby.”

happy with his response, your hand moves faster. you can hear the slight squelch of it, his precum helping you glide against his cock. mark looks fucked out, face red as he keeps moving. he can’t help but pretend he’s fucking your pussy, can’t help but wonder if this is how it feels to have you wrapped around him. once finals are over, he will definitely be having sex with you.

you can’t help but let out a whimper yourself, enjoying watching mark fall apart way too much. you bite down on his earlobe, “wanna feel you cum all over my hand. wanna make you feel good, mark.”

he leans back, whining in your ear, “y-yeah, gonna cum all over you. wanna- wanna show you how good you’re doing.”

one of his hands makes it to your thigh, squeezing it for support. he’s losing control, low groans leaving his mouth as you jerk him off. his hips lift off the chair, choosing to full-on fuck your hand. he looks so good right now, and you think he might finally deserve what he wants. you let out a whisper, “cum for me, mark. wanna see you cum.”

mark doesn’t need to be told twice. his hips buck into your hand, his hand around your thigh tightening as he lets out a fuck, a low groan filling the air around you. he feels so gross as he lets go in his sweats, cum shooting out into your hold.

when you feel his cum spurt into his hand, you wrap an arm around him, letting him lean into your touch. he shoves his head into your shoulder, not caring about the loud whines he lets out as he cums in your hand. there’s a lot, his thighs beginning to shake as you help him ride out his orgasm.

he pushes your hand away at the feeling of overstimulation, you laugh as you slide your hand out. your hand is covered in his cum, and you bring it up to your mouth. mark watches with heavy eyes as you suck your cum-stained fingers, watches how you practically moan out at the taste of his cum. he almost gets hard again, his cock begging for your attention.

you laugh at him, quite loud in the quiet space of the library. someone shoots you an ugly look before sticking their nose back to their laptop. you and mark giggle together, hushed in the secluded corner you’ve been in.

“out of all the noises you were making, they decided to get mad at me for laughing?”

mark has to slap a hand around his mouth to stop anymore laughs, “i wasn’t even being that loud! you looked like you were enjoying it more than i was!”

you shove at his shoulder in embarrassment, “that’s what happens when you run away from me when we make out!”

“i’ll make sure it won’t happen again.” he goes to hold your clean hand, “now, can i, uh- can you teach me how to…”

he makes some weird gestures, and by the looks of it, he wants to try to eat you out. you smile at him, “of course, mark.”

#asks #anon #nct smut #nct 127 smut #nct dream smut #nct fic #mark lee smut #mark lee fic #mark lee x reader #mark lee scenarios

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maybe-limerence · 9 months

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“Streaming services,,

Yan! Pervert x Cam girl! Reader

T//W: smut, yandere typical creepiness, fem reader.

A//N: Hey, first time I posted a mostly smut fic. Tell me what you think, I’m not sure I’m happy with it tbh. If I’m being honest, I wrote this cause I needed the spice practice. I’d appreciate feedback, but anyway, enjoy. Ily!!

Yan! Pervert, with a crippling porn addiction. He consumes it like he consumes air. His mind is so full of pornography that he can’t remember what time it was five minutes ago, but the porn video he watched three weeks ago is still clear.

Yan! Pervert, who is incredibly intelligent. Like, can hack into the government and completely destroy or rebuild a nations economy smart.

Yan! Pervert, who could be doing something productive. Who could be doing something with his life. But he browses through porn sites.

Yan! Pervert, who’s rich. Rich rich. And no one knows how, considering he just sits at home and watches porn or reads erotic books.

💚🩷💚🩷💚🩷💚🩷💚🩷

Cam girl! Reader, who started because the job she was working at didn’t pay well. She was overqualified, underpaid, and stressed the fuck out.

Cam girl! Reader, who after a few weeks became incredibly popular. It was to the point that camming was making more money than her day job.

Cam girl! Reader, who gained more and more followers and started collaborating with other cam girls.

Cam girl! Reader, who caught the eye of Yan! Pervert when Yan! Pervert’s favorite cam girl (who he doesn’t remember the name or user tag of) collaborated with you.

🩷💚🩷💚🩷💚🩷💚🩷💚

“H-ah~. Oh f-fuck,” you whimpered.

Head thrown back, eyes squeezed shut so tight tears started streaming down your face. This had been your 5th? 6th??Orgasm. In a row too.

Your poor abused cunt. The machine you bought was powered off donations, and it seems like someone wanted you to lose your mind.

💚🩷💚🩷💚🩷💚🩷💚🩷

On the other side of the screen was your biggest fan! Yan!Pervert loved donating money to you, and since you got that fuck machine? He was being extra generous.

While he know the streak was going to end soon, he chuckled to himself. The stream was going to end for others, not himself. He had hacked into your webcam a long time ago.

He noticed your time running out. He donated $500 to speed the machine up, quickening up the pace to make sure you cum one last time.

🩷💚🩷💚🩷💚🩷💚🩷💚

“Oh my, FUCK!” you cry out, feeling another orgasm in your stomach. The machine quickened almost impossibly fast. All you could do was claw at your sheets and let out a chant of fuck fuck fucks.

You were so overstimulated it hurt. Yet, it hurt so good. Your vision blurred and you let out a mix of a scream and a whine as you felt a wave of pleasure rush through your veins.

Right when you were about to start blacking out because of the stimulation the stream ended, and the machine stopped.

💚🩷💚🩷💚🩷💚🩷💚🩷

It took you 5 minutes and 59 seconds for you to unmount, Yan!Pervert counted. He did well, making you feels so good you had to steady yourself for almost 6 minutes.

Of course, you’d never know of him. Sure, he was perverted, but he knew what he was doing was wrong. He had a moral compass, and he knew stalking a cam girl wasn’t a good thing.

#yandere #darling #oc stuff #yandere x reader #yandere x you #maybe limerence

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humanitys-strongest-bamf · 8 months

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"get me a damned matcha" | Chapter 16: September II

{{ Chapter 15: August II | Chapter 17: October II }} Chapter Directory

this is honestly my fave chapter tbh, i've had it written since may

if you wanna get tagged for updates, fill out this form here!

✧ pairing ➼ levi ackerman x fem!reader, college x coffee shop x roommates!au ✧ summary ➼ After you find yourself plagued with misfortune due to struggles in your personal and family life, you find yourself needing to move last minute. As a junior in undergrad with little money and little social support, you considered yourself lucky when you found a sublease that was close to campus and was relatively cheap. Unfortunately, it seemed that your roommate did not seem to be so excited regarding your presence. ✧ content/warnings ➼ fluff, slowburn, mutual pining, idiots in love, car accident, explicit descriptions of injury, blood, explicit descriptions of panic, explicit descriptions of being overstimulated (in a bad way) ✧ word count ➼ ~6.3k

The events of the past month went unaddressed. Although part of it was due to the two of you avoiding each other, the biggest reason was simply because you were out of town. Paradis University had enrolled in an annual conference for aspiring authors to attend in their junior or senior year. You didn't make it in last year because of the chaos surrounding Zack and moving, so you dropped everything to make sure you were able to go this year to get some networking under your belt.

This resulted in Levi coming home to an empty apartment for the past week. Once again, he found himself feeling defeated whenever he went home and was reminded that you weren't going to be there for the night. He remembered that when you first moved in, he couldn't wait to get rid of you. Now, not having you around felt wrong, as if he was missing a constant in his life.

Being left to his own thoughts whenever he was at home forced him to try to process what had happened two weeks ago. He remembered being in shambles after half of his work that was saved remotely on his computer in lab went down in flames, which would push him back at least another year in terms of graduating. He remembered coming home to see that you had been sitting at the dining table all day, waiting for him. He remembered you hugging him—which was more than enough to throw him into a state of shock (the last time you had hugged him was when you were horrifically drunk)—before kissing him.

He had kissed you back.

He knew that. What he didn't know was what this meant. Was it just emotions running high? The whole incident seemed so blurred to him and you just never addressed it afterwards. Not having you around to talk about it was even worse, although he wasn't even sure if he wanted to bring it up. It could've just been a mistake that you two could forget ever happened.

Levi sighed to himself, scowling at the freshly brewed batch of tea that he had restocked to prepare for the evening rush of customers. The sun had just gone down and ominous clouds were beginning to cover the sky. That translated to more people taking shelter in the café, which meant more work for him.

Good, it'd at least take his mind off of you, although his eyebrows furrowed as he wondered when you'll arrive home, given the incoming storm. He knew it didn't matter in the end. He'd be up regardless. The real question was if that shared kiss was worth bringing up.

As he pondered over if he wanted to subject himself to that conversation, he was distracted by the buzzing of his phone in his pocket. He pulled out his phone and saw that it was Marlo calling.

What the hell does that kid want?

He pressed the answer button and brought his phone up to his ear.

"What?" Levi asked in an irritated fashion. "I thought you didn't get back until tomorrow."

Levi's facial expression quickly transitioned from an irate one to a horrified one as Marlo quickly spoke to him over the phone. The young man was talking so fast that it was nearly incomprehensible, with clear panic present in his voice, which was further muffled by the sound of the wind coming through the phone, which indicated that he was outside.

As soon as Marlo said the words "car accident", Levi's eyes widened and his face drained of color.

You and Marlo were carpooling to and from the conference together.

"I know you're roommates and I didn't know who else to call," Marlo continued to speak as Levi remained silent. "_____'s unconscious and I can't get her to wake up and I don't even know if she's breathing and-"

"What the fuck are you calling me for?" Levi said in a monotonous tone. "Call the ambulance already, you idiot."

Levi began to walk towards the staff locker room, untying his apron as he continued to speak into the phone.

"I'll be there in ten."

He hung up the phone and momentarily looked at the call log that popped up, with his eyes out of focus, indicating that he wasn't actually processing what it was that was on the screen. Levi stood still in front of his locker for a while, unable to put his phone down or put his apron away, being completely paralyzed at the situation that had just been dropped onto him.

"Shit," he muttered to himself, pulling himself out of his stupor.

Suddenly feeling an incredible sense of urgency, Levi threw his apron into his locker, grabbed his wallet and car keys and rushed out of the café towards his own car.

~~~~~

Focusing on the road felt impossible. The storm had come down in full force, limiting the visibility of the road, and Levi couldn't get his own heart rate to calm down. He had told Marlo that he'd get there in ten minutes, but it became closer to twenty due to the storm. If Marlo was telling the truth in that he didn't know if you were breathing, Levi could be much too late by the time he arrived.

He continued to curse at himself as more and more time passed. He had foolishly been wondering if he wanted to bring up something as innocent as a kiss once you got home when you had actually been in a car crash that could possibly take your life. It felt trivial to be stressed over something as small as a kiss. He gripped at the steering wheel upon realizing that, depending on your state once he found you, addressing whatever was going on between the two of you might not be a reality. He could be too late.

He wouldn't have the chance to explore that with you, instead only being left with a sense of regret for not bringing it up sooner.

His eyes that were fixated on the road darted around his field of vision, keeping an eye out for the red and blue flashing lights that indicated the presence of an ambulance. He felt his breathing begin to destabilize the longer he drove without the siren of an ambulance in the distance.

Maybe they had already gotten to you and were on their way with you to the hospital. That would be the best case scenario.

His heart dropped once he arrived at the location that Marlo had sent him. No ambulance had arrived. Marlo's totaled car had its emergency blinkers on and Levi could see that there were parts from the front bumper strewn about the ground. The main frame of the car was completely bent in and the passenger side of the car was caved in.

Levi immediately turned on his own blinkers and got out of the car, holding his hand over his head in an attempt to at least keep the rainwater out of his eyes as he sprinted over to Marlo.

Marlo himself seemed fine, save for a few scratches, but he definitely looked panicked.

Levi felt his panic and anxiety only continue to increase as his eyes searched for where you were, his eyes immediately snapping to the passenger's seat once Marlo pointed out where you were.

Marlo was saying something, but none of it was processed by Levi as he stumbled through the wreckage to get to where you were. Once he finally reached the door, he tugged on it to pry it open after it had gotten stuck due to the main frame of the car caving in.

He let out a sharp exhale once he saw you.

Your side of the car had gotten directly hit and your airbag had failed to pop out. You were leaning forward with your head against the dash, your arm was bent at an odd angle, and blood was gushing out of your nose and down your face from a wound that Levi couldn't begin to attempt to identify.

He could tell that you weren't hurt anywhere else. None of your chest and abdominal regions seemed to have been punctured and weren't bleeding, but he had no idea how bad your head injury was. He could understand why Marlo had panicked.

Shit.

He wasn't processing anything around him. He didn't feel the rain falling on him, hear the thunder crashing above him, or even see anything that wasn't the sight of you leaning forward in that car after having smashed your head against the dashboard. Panic only continued to build in his gut and it took everything in him to pull himself back into reality.

"Shit," he said out loud as he pulled out his phone, shakily dialing for the ambulance again.

After placing his phone back into his pocket, he leaned forward and stepped over some of the debris and placed one hand on the nape of your neck and used the other to gently push you away from the dash, his breath getting caught in his throat once he saw your head bob to the side. He got a closer look at your arm and was able to deduce that your arm was certainly broken, but he still had no idea how bad your head injury actually was. There was certainly more blood dripping down your face than he had initially expected.

"_____?" he called for you, raising his voice so that you would be able to hear him over the pouring rain.

You didn't stir, but he was now close enough that he could see your chest rise and fall. You were still breathing. That at least meant you were still alive.

He felt himself exhale in relief at that one positive fact amongst the ocean of negatives around him.

Levi gently shook at your shoulder in a vain attempt to wake you.

Open your eyes. Come on, _____, open your fucking eyes.

You weren't waking.

"_____!" he called out again, feeling his breath hitch as he saw the extent that you were continuing to bleed from your head wound.

Knowing that you weren't going to wake, he looped one arm under your legs and the other around your shoulders, propping your head up against his chest as he lifted you out of the car. He glanced down at the blood on your face that was mixing in with the rain water and he felt his own heart rate only continue to rise. His shirt was soaked in the mixture that was your blood and the rain water falling down on him. Your hair was matted and stuck to your head from the bleeding.

The worst part was that there was still no sign of an approaching ambulance.

"Fuck!" he yelled out.

He immediately turned around and began carrying you back to his car.

"Stay here so you can report what happened when the police decide to actually get their asses here," he spoke to Marlo as he walked past him. "Keep me updated."

Levi slowly lowered your legs down to free his hand to open up the passenger side door for you, taking care to not put too much pressure on your broken arm. He reclined the seat all the way back and then lifted you into the seat, immediately rushing to the driver's side once you were secure.

He immediately turned on the engine and drove off as soon as he shut the driver's door, desperately trying to deduce the fastest route to the hospital. The last time he drove around in this state was when he had gone looking for you during the New Year's Eve party. The exact scenario that was happening in front of him—finding you injured, in trouble, or hurt—kept playing through his head during that night. Relief fell upon him when that reality didn't come to fruition.

That sense of relief felt stupid now.

"You better stay with me, you goddamned brat," he mumbled as he glanced over at you, his grip on the steering wheel tightening as he pressed down on the gas pedal to speed his way over to the hospital as quickly as he could.

~~~~~

He couldn't tell if the wetness was from the blood or rainwater. He had taken off his jacket that was drenched in rainwater (or blood, he couldn't tell).

Levi currently stared at himself in the mirror of one of the private bathrooms in the hospital. He didn't want to wander into a public one in the state that he was in.

He was absolutely filthy. His hands, arms, and shirt were covered in blood. He had spent the past five minutes desperately trying to wash away the blood on his hands and arms, but he couldn't get all of it off. Even if he could, it would do little to ease his distress. He had continued to scrub harder and harder in a vain attempt to not only wash off the blood, but also the stupidly uncomfortable feeling that was building in his chest and throat upon seeing your blood that had dried onto him.

He had scrubbed until his arms were raw, yet the blood stains were still there and his distress had not shown any signs of dissipating.

Fuck!

He gripped at the sink and tightly shut his eyes. Everything was setting his senses on overdrive. His eyes hurt from the bright hospital lights, his skin hurt from the scrubbing and the feeling of his wet clothes clinging onto him, his head hurt from hearing the whirring of the ventilation above him and from the smell of hospital cleaners permeating his nose. He felt nauseated and wanted to throw up. He couldn't stop his shaking. Every breath he took felt like he was inhaling fire. Even the loose strands of hair that rested upon his forehead felt like they were stabbing into him.

He had rushed you into the emergency room as soon as he had arrived and felt both a sense of relief and dread once they took you away. He was relieved that you were finally getting help, but also hated not being by your side. He had no idea if you were going to be okay. You were breathing and alive, sure, but he had no idea if you would wake and what state you would be in when you woke.

He felt so stupid for holding back on discussing any of the intimate emotions that arose when he was around you, and even moreso when he recalled the fact that he had tried to push you away. He still didn't know what it was, but he knew it was something—and now he might never get the chance to figure out what that something was.

Levi slowly opened his eyes again and looked at his reflection. He really was a mess. He took a shaky inhale in an attempt to calm himself down. He couldn't last the night in this state and he needed to be by you when you woke up—if you woke up.

He felt his breathing destabilize again upon having that thought.

Shit, get yourself together.

He tried again to take a breath in.

Breath in for four.

Hold for four.

Out for four.

Hold for four.

After a few more rounds of box-breathing, Levi was finally able to loosen his grip on the sink. He felt weak and his lips looked pale. He hadn't eaten anything since the afternoon before he left for his shift and it was now approaching 10pm, but he knew that he wouldn't be able to keep anything down until he knew if you were okay.

He slowly walked out of the bathroom, silently thanking the heavens that the waiting room was mostly empty. He didn't know how well he'd be able to cope with people walking around and talking next to him. Every additional sound was only contributing to his headache.

Levi collapsed into one of the chairs that was close to the operating room so he could be prepared when someone came out to inform him of your condition. One hand was rapidly tapping on the armrest of the chair and he found himself biting at his nails on the other—something he's never found himself to do. He only recalled resorting to it in an attempt to calm his anxiety down once—when he was waiting to hear back about his mother before she passed.

He remembered calling the ambulance when his mother had fainted after weeks of being sick and weak, kneeling next to her as the ambulance took much too long to arrive at his home. He remembered sitting in the waiting room of the hospital, regularly going up to the front desk asking if she was going to be okay. She wasn't.

He was only eight at the time—and here he was, nearly 15 years later, feeling like he had regressed back into the body of that small child that kept on begging to himself that his mother had survived and being devastated when she didn't. He didn't know if he could go through that again.

Every second that passed was agonizing. He needed to know. He wouldn't be able to rest until he knew. Part of him wanted to just assume that you were dead so that he wouldn't be as devastated when they delivered bad news, but that itself was already too painful for him to bear.

After what felt like an eternity, he finally heard footsteps approaching from the operating room.

"Mr...Ackerman, was it?" someone spoke as they flipped through some papers on a clipboard.

Levi's eyes shot up at the doctor that had approached him.

"Y-Y..." Levi began speaking and found that his words weren't coming out properly, immediately clearing his throat to gather himself. "Yes."

The doctor looked at him and then back to the forms that had your information listed on it.

"Are you her boyfriend, I assume? She had you listed as her emergency contact."

"What?" Levi asked, his eyes widening at both the fact that you had listed him as your emergency contact and at the doctor's somewhat absurd question. "No, I'm her roommate."

The doctor noticed his reaction.

"My mistake," they said, lowering the clipboard. "She just didn't have anyone else listed, so I assumed. That's my bad."

Levi had known about what happened with your parents and your turbulent relationship with your aunt, so he wasn't too surprised at the fact that you had listed him as your emergency contact. However, he would have assumed that you would have put Petra or Oluo instead of him. If he wasn't so freaked out about this entire situation, he might have even felt flattered.

Levi listened closely as the doctor discussed your injuries with him. He was correct in that you had a broken arm, the doctor had mentioned that it had been fractured in the accident, but should heal in a month as long as you didn't injure it again. You had a sprained ankle that should heal within a week. The most concerning injury was your head injury. The doctor mentioned that they did a CT scan and said that you had a "mild traumatic brain injury", which immediately caused Levi to tense up.

"Fortunately, it was mild enough that she should have a speedy recovery and doesn't need to be held here for prolonged observation, but I would suggest the two of you be on the lookout for any developments."

Levi nodded as the doctor spoke, feeling himself able to gradually calm down after the doctor only listed non-fatal injuries. You were going to be okay.

"We'll probably keep her until the morning when she wakes so we can do a mental status exam, but she should be good to go home afterwards."

Levi sat back down in the chair again once the doctor walked off, holding his head in his hand. The sudden wave of relief that overtook him was almost as bad as the distress that he had been feeling for the past few hours.

Thank fuck you're okay, you annoying ass brat.

~~~~~

The last thing you remembered was the blaring horn of a pickup truck that had slammed into your side of the car. There was nothing after that.

Your head felt like it was trying to explode from the inside out. It made it so that you felt nauseated and even attempting to open your eyes seemed to prolong the pain. There was an annoyingly persistent beeping sound next to you that made it feel like there was a hammer pounding at your head every time you heard it.

Your arm felt even worse. You felt like you had gotten punched in the shoulder, except the pain radiated throughout your entire arm. You tried to lift it to maybe stretch it out to normalize the pain, but even your slight movement made a surge of pain shoot through you in such an intense wave that you wanted to cry.

You finally peeled your eyes open and found yourself staring at the ceiling of an unfamiliar room. You weren't in your room. You weren't in your living room. You had no idea where you were. You looked down and saw a pulse oximeter attached to your left index finger and that your right arm was tightly held in a cast.

Your eyes widened and you looked over to the side at a sight that was definitely unfamiliar to you.

You saw Levi sitting at the side of your bed, looking down at the ground with a grim expression. You looked towards your night stand and saw three empty coffee cups, indicating that he had literally stayed up all night watching over you.

He suddenly raised his head as he heard you shuffling around, taking a deep breath once he saw your eyes looking back at him.

He scoffed as he shook his head at you.

"About fucking time," he said in an annoyed tone.

You couldn't see it, but his nails had been digging into his hands for the majority of the night, and it wasn't until now that he had been able to release his clenched fists. The events of the past 12 hours had put him in a state that he hasn't experienced since childhood.

He saw you try to push yourself up and he immediately stood up, placing his hand on your back to help push you up so that you were sitting.

Your cheeks flushed up as soon as he came over to you and even more so when he placed his hand on your back. He was being oddly caring and it made you suspicious.

"Lev', where are we? What happened?"

Levi sat back down once you were up and stable.

"You were in a car accident, _____."

Your eyes went in and out of focus as you listened to Levi explain everything that had happened the previous night. He spoke about how he found you unconscious in the middle of the storm and had to drive you to the hospital himself. When you looked at him again, you saw that his shirt and pants were stained in red, which you deduced to be your own blood.

He had been here literally all night.

"And that's why I had to spend all night dragging your ass to the hospital," he finally ended and you grimaced at the irritation that you could hear in his voice. He was mad. You could tell that he was mad.

"...I'm sorry," you said, which earned you a bewildered look from Levi.

What the hell are you apologizing for? he thought.

"I'm sorry you had to go out of your way for that."

Levi scoffed and shook his head.

"You're such a dumbass."

"What?" you asked, unsure what he was referring to.

"Nothing," he said as he stood up. "I'm going to grab the doctor since you finally decided to wake up. Don't move."

"Not like I can move anyway."

Levi grunted as he turned away and walked out the door, the corner of his mouth twitching up slightly into a small smirk. The presence of your normally irritating sass indicated that you were okay and for the most part functional, which was all that mattered to him in this moment.

~~~~~

After being observed for 24 hours at the hospital, you were finally discharged and able to go home. The biggest concern was your head injury, so once it became clear that you didn't have a concussion, the doctor said that you were good to go, but to also keep an eye out for any signs that might reappear once you get home and to come back if they do.

Levi walked closely behind you as you navigated your way down the hall towards the door to your apartment on crutches. You were technically able to walk, but were told not to until your ankle healed.

He stepped forward to unlock and open the door for you and you immediately went for the kitchen table, collapsing down into one of the chairs, letting out an exasperated sigh. Everything was shit right now. You had a sprained ankle and a broken arm, and this was the first time you had been home in a week.

You weren't sure when, but your life living in this small apartment with Levi had quickly become somewhere you considered to be home.

"You'll let me know if you start feeling dizzy or any of that, yeah?" Levi asked, taking a seat next to you.

Although you were here in front of him now, he felt like his body still hadn't fully processed what had happened. He remembered just how panicked he was when he was waiting at the hospital and he still felt like there was another shoe that was going to be dropped. Something was going to happen where you fell and hurt yourself again or a symptom indicating a concussion would appear when he wasn't around to help you. He couldn't help but feel that he was still holding his breath for whatever follow-up disaster was going to occur.

You nodded, shutting one eye in pain as you tried to adjust yourself in the chair. Your entire body still ached and you knew you needed to move or at least do something to distract yourself from it.

"Where's my laptop?" you asked, opening your eye again.

Levi raised an eyebrow at you.

"Are you seriously thinking of doing work the day you get out of the hospital?"

"Where is my laptop?" you repeated, not being in the mood to suffer through Levi's attitude.

Levi sighed and leaned back in the chair.

"Marlo is coming to drop it off along with the rest of your things later tonight."

He frowned as he saw you tense up at his comment.

"How the hell am I supposed to catch up on my work-"

"Are you serious?" Levi snapped, cutting you off. "You're so stupid."

Your tenacity and stubbornness never failed to impress him. You literally had a life-or-death scenario and you were sitting in your kitchen worrying about missed schoolwork.

His eyes darted over to you as he saw an offended look appear on your face. He immediately looked away, an uncomfortable feeling growing in his chest at the thought of hurting you.

Since when did he start caring so damn much about that?

"Get your ass on the couch and rest," he said, motioning over towards the living room before getting up. "I'll get you something to eat that's not the shitty hospital food."

~~~~~

The next 2-3 weeks primarily involved Levi helping you adjust to and heal from your injuries, which involved helping you in and out of bed, bringing you food, and generally helping you move around. He'd wake you up each morning with your coconut milk Matcha without fail, bringing a small smile to your face every time you took a sip.

After 3 weeks, you were able to take your arm out of the outer casing to move your shoulder around, but you still had to be careful to not move it too far or too quickly to avoid reinjuring it. Any symptoms of a possible concussion had long faded and moving your ankle became easier with each passing day.

If you had to choose, the most annoying part was your inability to write. You remembered a point roughly a week after you came home, in which you were sitting in the living room with your bad leg propped up and your laptop sitting in your lap. Levi had been consistently telling you to cut it out whenever you tried to push yourself regarding school, which was made even worse given the fact that you could only type with one hand, significantly slowing you down.

You couldn't afford to be out of commission for a whole month. You sat in front of your computer, desperate for words to come out, and frustrated beyond belief at how slow your typing became due to your right arm being dysfunctional. You quietly groaned as you rubbed your head in pain. You needed more caffeine, and you were already past your third cup of coffee for the day.

"_____," you heard Levi call out from the dining area.

You didn't acknowledge him, only continuing to stare at your laptop screen as you tried to type as quickly as you could with your left hand.

You heard him sigh as he walked over and took your laptop from you, setting it down on the coffee table.

"Cut it out," he said before you could protest, referring to you constantly pushing yourself past your limits when you were still trying to heal. "I'm sick of having to tell you this shit."

You knew that he was right. You couldn't realistically get any work done with the state that you were in, but you didn't want to just lay around either.

With the more days that passed, the more you became frustrated with your inability to take care of yourself that was compounded by Levi essentially hovering over you to make sure that you were okay. It was obnoxious and you relished any time you could actually have to yourself without your overbearing roommate watching your every move.

You currently found yourself laying in bed, glancing at the small ray of sunshine that peaked in through the curtains. You needed to get out of the house. You had been cooped in all week. While you were still supposed to be using your crutches, walking had gotten a bit less painful, which gave you hope that you could maybe go for a "walk" down the street.

You pushed yourself up off the bed, swinging your legs over the side, careful not to put too much pressure on your barely healed arm.

However, the unfortunate timing of when you pushed yourself up versus when you swung your legs over clashed with each other and you felt your bad ankle get caught in the blanket right as you moved. The sudden surge of pain briefly made you disoriented, which was more than enough to send you tumbling to the ground.

You whimpered in pain as you landed on your left shoulder (which was not the injured one, thankfully). Landing on your side also meant that you avoided hitting your head on anything. A dull ache radiated throughout your body as you rolled over onto your back. Every movement you made sent another wave of pain through you, which elicited more quiet groans of pain from you.

You tried to push yourself up, but you had nothing to grab onto and it hurt your arm too much to keep pushing yourself up. Your abs cried in pain whenever you tried to sit up on your own. You were stuck on the ground.

"Shit," you whispered to yourself.

You knew the best course of action was to call Levi for help, but you had been so annoyed with his presence recently, that you'd rather lay on the ground and wait for the pain to pass so you could get up yourself.

However, not much time passed before you heard rushed footsteps approaching your door, and a dejected sigh escaped your lips.

You looked over as the door swung open and you saw Levi standing in the doorway with a scowl on his face.

"Hi," you said with a deadpan expression.

"Why the hell didn't you call me?" he asked as he flipped on the light switch, sounding as annoyed as he looked. "How long have you been down there?"

"Not long. I'm fine, Levi."

"No you're not," he said dismissively as he walked to you and helped you get up off the ground.

"I'm not a child, Levi," you said as you sat back down on your bed, rubbing at your left shoulder in pain. "I didn't need your help."

He stared at you, not believing a single word you were saying.

"So you're telling me you were just hugging the ground for the hell of it?"

He waited for you to come up with a snarky response or excuse as to why you were on the ground after he had heard a thud come from your room that didn't involve you tumbling out of your bed involuntarily.

You didn't have one.

"Dumbass," he finally said. "Stay here."

You sat in your bed with an exasperated expression as you watched Levi walk out of your room after opening up the curtains so that you could get some sunlight. You heard him fumble around in the kitchen for a few minutes before he finally came back to your room with a cup of tea, setting it down on the nightstand next to you. His other hand held your computer, which you found oddly endearing for him to bring to you since he's been trying so hard to get you to not work on anything related to school.

"Could've gotten that myself," you grumbled.

"Could you have?"

You rolled your eyes. Your arm cast was off, so you were able to move your arm around, although it still wasn't completely healed. You waved your arm to show him that you were functional, but then winced as you moved your arm a bit too far back, which earned you another surge of pain running up your arm.

Levi stared at you with an unamused look as he watched you blatantly hurt yourself again.

"Quit looking at me like that," you said, frowning. "I can take care of myself. Arm's healed for the most part. I can walk without those stupid crutches now. I-"

"Can you just shut the fuck up so you can heal from this shit already?" Levi scolded, cutting you off, getting sick of your commentary.

"I don't need you hovering over me 24/7, Levi!"

"Tch. Tell me that when you go for a day without falling on your ass at some point."

He glanced at you again and saw that you were scowling at him.

"I can take care of myself," you said, clenching your fists in frustration, "so quit wasting your time feeling like you have to watch over me."

Levi remained quiet for a few seconds as he turned away, averting his gaze.

He spoke quietly.

"I just don't want to lose you again, you dumbass."

It had been a few weeks since the accident at this point, yet that feeling of waiting for the other shoe to drop never left. Levi still felt like any minute, something else would happen and you'd slip from his grasp. He couldn't get over the feeling of his heart absolutely sinking once he saw your condition in the wreckage or how he had relentlessly scrubbed and scrubbed and scrubbed until his arms were raw in that hospital bathroom in a desperate attempt to scrub away all of the chaos running through his mind as he waited for you in the operating room. He felt that if he had slipped up in any way, something would happen, and you would have to pay the price for it.

"Shit," he mumbled. "Why do you have to do this to me, _____?"

"Do what?"

He looked down at his hands, remembering the sight of them after he dropped you off at the hospital. The events of that stormy night kept running through his head, as if he was trapped in it.

Levi looked back up into your eyes. You were here in front of him, awake and breathing—the opposite of when he found you in that car, unconscious, bleeding, with unstable breathing patterns. You were here. You were okay. He had no reason to still feel as panicked as he was, yet he did.

Before you could open your mouth to speak, he reached out to you, closing the gap between you, and planting his lips onto yours. His hand rested at the side of your face as he held you.

You tensed at first at the sudden gesture, but quickly relaxed into it as you kissed him back, placing your hand on top of his.

He pulled back from you and avoided your gaze as he whispered:

"I can't lose you again."

You noticed him gripping at your bedsheets with his other hand and the pieces clicked together for you.

It wasn't that he thought you couldn't take care of yourself or that you were incompetent. He'd been so overbearing because he was afraid of losing you. You had guessed to an extent how rough that night must have been for him, but you had no idea about the magnitude of just how bad it was.

You felt your bed shift as he got up and your hands trailed off him as he pulled away.

"I'll be in the living room," he said quietly, still avoiding your gaze. "Call me if something happens again."

You reached out to him as he walked away.

"Levi, wait-!"

Your bedroom door was shut before you could finish your plea for him to come back, and you fell silent.

#: @levisbrat25 @gothgril69 @sckerman @berrijam @notgoodforlife @meowjaa @averysmolbear @roseofdarknessblog @bejewelledd @hhighkey @ayame236 @sad-darksoul @velouria17 @kamyru @l1zk4 @layenacreates @lamees004 @whoami-72 @highgoon69 @chaotic-on-main @levishotgf @nube55 @chosos-mascara @heichoucleanfreak @svftackerman @v4mp-wife @moonchild-angel @astri-ackerman @auriuswolve @noctemys

#tw: blood #tw: injury #tw: car accident #levi x reader #levi ackerman x reader #levi heichou x reader #captain levi x reader #levi #levi ackerman #levi heichou #captain levi #modern!au levi #coffeeshop!au levi #college!au levi #fics: matcha

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poshpunkqueen · 1 month

Text

I've been listening to Taylor Swift since the debut. I'm not one of those listeners that believe Taylor is a Princess, wholly innocent, 24/7 victim but at the same time I don't believe she's a Villain. She's made mistakes.

I'm not one of those listeners that has the time and immoral capacity to sit on the Internet to committ Cyber crimes nor am I willing to put my health on the line to see her live. There should be boundaries.

The transfer from Teenhood to Adulthood for Taylor...I could tell ..she's still unravelling. Its okay to be in your 30s and still finding yourself. Hopefully there is an expiry date.

I'm not trying to be funny but I believe Taylor needs therapy. There are some unresolved things: fame, dealing with the industry and the media has definitely affected her. I don't think she's quite shake off alot stuff. It's passivity with a cupcake appearance of happiness.

Her patterns and methodology when it comes to music....mmmh the adults are taking a step back and analysing 😄. Writing those songs and knowing the effects will eventually become a "Here we go again" Moment. Everyone will move on and she will remain.Therapy is needed.The pride comes before the fall.

I say this because when Tortured Poets Project was announced I was unsure about it. I've never been unsure about a Taylor album. But then again I'm aware of the Taylor Formula. Not sure if she can carry this formula into her 40s and 50s 😄 but we will see. But I listen for listening sake..I'm listening to everyone this year.

TTPD Album: I had to stop half way because its the typical Taylor album...same note 🙆🏻‍♂️ same storyline... lol no doubt she's a good songwriter. Not sure how to feel about missiles being sent to someone who struggled or struggling with Depression. NOPE.

Emotional cheating is interesting lol We had this before 👀. Alcoholism and the talks about drugs is interesting too. Blurring the lines between two men. One you barely bedded to be in this deep. This seems like a tactic for writing material. Calculated PR stunts. I said this last year...she knows what she's doing...she dated him purposely ...she knew what to expect and Matty knew what to expect ...I'm disappointed in Matty selling out ...and acting out for attention..he needs to grow up too....he knows better. He made the whole band look bad...(I'm George fan btw)

Meathead guys years ago like Travis Kelce were saying they wanted to date Taylor for fame and songs. Sadly I'm starting to see it. Travis is a big time user. However we live and learn 😆

Idk I don't get it. If people pay attention to her lyrics not just on this album but previous albums, she tells on herself alot lol. We will have this again 2026.

Being Human isn't without flaws and wrong paths but it seems people only see it with Taylor Swift. .they don't see it with others 🫡 Others would would be stamped with cancellation. The Devil.

Taylor is in her 30s and I hope she figures out what she wants personally and professionally. It doesn't make sense moving from person to person then writing these songs. This is why therapy is important.

A few weeks ago, we heard Beyoncé album and I'm not the biggest Bey fan but we heard her different layers vocally and with the blending of genres. While I'm aware Taylor isn't a vocalist...I want to hear her do other genres.

Honestly I liked Midnights and reputation better.

Here are the songs I might listen to again:

✨️ Fortnight

✨️TTPD

✨️Down Bad

✨️So Long London

✨️The Prophecy

✨️Robin

⛔️Florida...but it's meh...Florence was downplayed...similar to Snow on the Beach with Lana.

The other songs were...okay....

I support Joe. I don't think Joe deserves this...I'm not gonna defend wrong actions even if I like your songs...

TBH EVENTUALLY I WILL STOP LISTENING TO TAYLOR BECAUSE I'VE GONE BACK DEEP INTO ROCK AND OLD SKOOL MUSIC

#joe alwyn #taylor swift #the tortured poets department #swifties #toxic fandom #matty healy #the 1975

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adhdduckie · 9 months

Text

-stars - pt 4 -Ao'nung x sully!fem!reader

"she looks at you like you strung the stars, and every time she looks at them now, she can only think of you. she loves you."

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my masterlist

(i originally wasn't going to continue this because tbh i lost dedication, but i got a msg asking abt it so i'll finish off the last part then. so sorry it took ages)

(also i had to add in the percy jackson kiss omg iykyk)

3.8k words.

pt 1-, pt 2 , pt 3

playlist made for this ; ❥irrefutable love❥ (only the fluffy parts)

lowdown-

When Y/N, and the Sullys first reach the reef, a boy catches her eye, and she does her best to catch his attention. She doesn't believe he likes her back, and she thinks it's ridiculous that she's so whipped for this boy. He seems to have no interest in her, and they remain what she believes, friends.

this parts lowdown-

the past couple of months have been hard, avoiding your teacher and the love of your life. You manage it though, with your brothers, family and friends with you. He tries to speak to you and makes up.

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the past couple of months went by in a blur, and when you try to force your brain to attempt to grasp more than a couple of memories, you can't. The memories you do remember, are the ones where you stand often at the edge of water, feeling the tide lap at your feet, as you try to think.

it's hard, being rejected. Your brothers attempted to make you feel better, telling you things like; "it's just heartbreak, it's not a big deal." thanks, Lo'ak. like he didn't cry when T'sireya said she didn't like the same fish as him.

you question the stability of your mind on several occasions when you couldn't remember much. The first couple of weeks after the rejection, you spent the majority of your time in your hammock in the family marui pod, refusing to come out.

T'sireya had stopped by on numerous occasions, attempting you to go out, spend some time. She felt terrible about what had happened with her brother, feeling some sort of responsibility as she was the one who suggested he teach you the ways of the metkayina. you refused to go out, afraid you would see Ao'nung and that he would sneer and laugh at you again when he did.

she sighed, and would come back a couple days later to try again. This went on for awhile, before lo'ak convinced her to just give you some time before you were ready. lo'ak and neteyam were furious with ao'nung, even haven gotten into one fight with him. you scolded them both when you found out, and made them promise not to fight him again, even if he hurt you.

your parents had disapproved from the beginning, neytiri sending snarls toward ao'nung whenever she saw him, and jake sending glares over to him as well. there was nothing they could do now, since he had already rejected you, except for trying to be there for you.

jake was not a very affectionate father, not the best at talking about feelings and things like that, but he tried his best for you. He'd talk about how it was just a boy, and that there would be more. He said that if it was meant to be, you wouldn't have been rejected, which was not the right thing to say to you after rejection as you burst into tears. ta'heyla rushing toward you when she heard you wail, curling into your side to try to make you feel better.

even avarin, who was still wary of the metkayina clan, had known of your little episode thing, catching fish and other food for you to eat as a way of showing her love. you were grateful for her and ta'heyla, and they made it slightly more bearable.

slowly, you began to feel better, spending more time out of your hammock, and even going for flights on avarin, swimming in the ocean, hunting to pass the time. T'sireya, your brothers and parents were overjoyed that you were finally up and about, but they could still see how your skin had paled slightly, not the same shade of cerulean skin. but, they were going to take what they could get.

when you hung out with kiri and t'sireya, they made sure that you spent as much time away from Ao'nung, hoping and praying you didn't see him as you continued living your life.

unbeknownst to anyone apart from you, one night while you had snuck out of your marui pod to do some thinking, you had seen ao'nung sitting quite close to your marui pod, feet in the water, as he stared at some glowing hammerbrow fish that swam by.

seeing how that it was the first time you saw him in a long time, you froze, your tail swishing back and forth warily behind you. You did not know what to do. you stood there for a couple of minutes and watched him, hidden by the shadows of your marui pod.

it physically hurt to see him look so unaffected by what had happened, as if he broke girls' hearts for fun, on a daily basis. You supposed he could've done and you never noticed. Sick of seeing him, you walked out, striding past him. He didn't seem to notice, so absorbed by the water and the hammerbrow fish.

you told yourself you didn't care and left. His contemplating face was stuck in your head for a couple hours after that, while you switched back and forth between riding Avarin, and your skimwing. When you got back home, the sun was starting to rise, and it seemed as if ao'nung had been long gone.

you sighed in relief, but were pretty distracted for the rest of the day, wondering why he had been in front of your family's marui pod. lo'ak noticed, and had asked on several occasions why you were so distracted, you just told him that you hadn't slept while. He sent you a look that screamed that he didn't believe you, but you weren't bothered to argue with him.

behind your back, he shared a worried glance with neteyam, who shrugged his shoulders and continued eating. the next day you had made plans with t'sireya to spend time by the beach, and so you did. You met her while the sky had the sun prancing on the water, the bluest day you had seen in awhile.

it was lovely to be sitting by the beach with t'sireya, ao'nung off your mind in the first time for months, and you missed this. You missed feeling free and happy, which in all honesty sounded really stupid. He was just a boy, you constantly reminded yourself, but you knew it wasn't true.

T'sireya spoke to you about everything and nothing, before finally getting back into the conversation she's been wanting to have for months. no one knew what exactly happened with you and ao'nung, just that you were rejected. T'sireya wished to know what exactly happened, and how he had rejected you.

"y/n?" she asked slowly as if she was talking to a jittery animal. might as well been, because you tensed up as soon as she used that tone. You knew what she was going to ask, and you sighed. it's time you spoke about it anyway.

"yes?" you responded, fidgeting with your hands in your lap

"what happened with you and ao'nung? If you don't mind telling me." she asks softly, almost hard to hear over the sound of the water meeting with the beach.

you sigh, leaning back on your elbows, sand shifting with the pressure of your weight as you turn toward her. you tell her what happens, and she gets increasingly angry.

"he did that? oh that skxawng, i will have his hide for that!" she growls, ears flattening against her head in anger. she remembers who she's with at the moment when you sigh, and her eyes soften, her bared teeth hidden by a sad smile as she apologises for her brother's actions.

"i'm so sorry, i don't know why he would do something like that. it doesn't make sense, he seemed infatuated with you." she apologises, pulling you into a hug.

"who knows? he has his own thoughts, too." you tell her, shrugging. the conversation ends soon, as your brother comes to collect you for dinner, and you say goodbye to t'sireya.

as soon you and lo'ak are out of her line of sight, her thick tail swishing back and forth angrily behind her as she marches back to her marui, prepared to give ao'nung the scolding of his life.

she finds him sitting at the fire with her parents and roxto, ignoring the former and latter, as she storms in, immediately starting to yell.

"you skxawng! how could you do that to y/n?" she points her finger at ao'nung as roxto scurries away, afraid of t'sireya's wrath. Tonowari and Ronal stare in confusion, as ao'nung seems to deflate promptly.

"hold on, what happened?" ronal asks, stepping forward before any violence can start.

"this skxawng, ao'nung, rejected the advances of y/n, when he is not even good enough for her. he would be the luckiest na'vi with y/n!" t'sireya explains, aggressively pointing her finger at him, shaking in anger.

"is this true?" tonowari asks ao'nung as he steps forward, pushing t'sireya's accusing finger away from ao'nung's eye, afraid his daughter might stab his son's eye in anger.

"yes." ao'nung mutters meekly, stepping away from t'sireya, afraid she will result to violence.

"you idiot-" t'sireya begins yelling again, cut off by her father raising a silent hand.

"do you not like her?" tonowari asks in confusion, ronal stepping beside him.

"i don't know." he answers quietly, making t'sireya groan in frustration, throwing her hands up into the air.

"then why would you be so mean?" she demands to know, stepping closer. "she looks at you like you strung the stars and every time she looks at them, she can only think of you, she loves you, ao'nung. and you were a skxawng telling her you didn't feel the same. why would you do that?" she finishes, and her parents nod in agreement.

"i- i don't know." he stammers, shaking his head. "for the better of the tribe? you said yourself that they were demon children, not true na'vi." he tries to explain, speaking to his parents, however it is obvious that he is unaware why he did it to even himself.

"for the better of the tribe?" his mother repeats in exasperation. "y/n and the rest of the sullys have done nothing but try to prove themselves to us, and don't be stupid, she is the toruk makto. how is she not true na'vi? just because you could not admit your own feelings for her, doesn't mean you get to blame it on the better of the tribe." ronal finishes, and when t'sireya walks closer to ao'nung, neither tonowari or ronal stops her, she swings her hand back and slaps ao'nung across the face.

"you better apologise, you idiot. If i was her, i wouldn't accept it, but eywa knows that she is a better person than i would be. you must make her trust you again." t'sireya sighs, as ao'nung rubs the mark that is already turning purple across his face, as she walks away, sitting down near the fire.

ao'nung had already realised that he was wrong, but with t'sireya's encouragement and the idea of losing you is what moves him to do something. he decides he needs to do anything to earn back your favour. that night, as the rest of his family slumbers away in their respect hammocks, ao'nung stares at the ceiling and thinks of the way he can win back your favour.

the next morning he approaches you with a bouquet of flowers as you walk with kiri by the beach. as soon as you see him, you leave and he sighs. kiri glares at him before stalking away, too.

the next few days he approaches and seeks you out, leaving you little peace. a week later he approaches you while you are on a lone hunt, pulling his ilu beside your skimwing, and while your skimwing feels your discomfort and slight anger, he snaps at ao'nung's ilu and he veers away for a bit.

you think you're free, but he finds you a couple of hours later on a small island as you hunt with avarin soaring above you. you manage to duck out of his sight with a well timed warning from avarin, squatting in a tree as you watch him stumble around like an idiot searching for you.

"y/n?" he continues to call out, seemingly knowing that you are still on this island. "please, i just want to talk." he begs, eyes scanning the trees, searching for your figure.

'he just wants to talk?' you think, 'maybe i should hear him out?' that soft side of your subconscious says. 'no! he hurt us, remember?' the other, more rational part of you thinks.

obviously the more delusional part of you won, so you jump down from your tree as he walks beneath the tree for the third time. he jumps as your feet hit the ground, whirling around startled.

he realises it's you and gives you a shy smile, testing the waters. you do not return the smile, just watching him with impassive eyes before sighing. as you sigh, the smile melts away, and his lips come together in a hard line.

"what do you want, ao'nung? can't you leave me alone?" you ask him, throwing your bow over your shoulder. he tracks the movement as if he's afraid you're going to shoot him, and you laugh at the thought internally, knowing that you could never hurt him on purpose.

"i want to apologise for what i said to you when i rejected you. i was afraid to accept my feelings and i did not know what to do. nobody has ever made me feel the way you do, and i didn't understand how to cope with it. I don't mean anything i said, and i would be the luckiest na'vi if i had your love again." he rambles out, stepping forward, pulling out the necklace you made for him, put together again.

"after i rejected you and you left, i picked up the necklace and instantly regretted it. i want to thank you for it, and i fixed it. please accept it as an apology and a gift from me, in any way you see fit." he continues, holding it out to you.

you hesitate. his apology seems sincere, but a gift and a couple of words could not undo the damage his words made. he notices your hesitation, eyes wide in anticipation, waiting for your response.

you extend your hand, fingers brushing against ao'nung's as you pull the necklace from his hands. in your hands, the necklace is warm, and feels familiar. at the centre, a new bead, one that you did not make, the colour of your eyes. he smiles when he sees you notice.

"may i?" he asks, gesturing toward your neck. you nod, unable to speak as he takes the necklace back from your hands, lifting your hair out of the way, fastening it around your neck. as he does so, you can feel his fingers lightly brushing against your neck, and suddenly it's harder to breathe. when he's finished, he steps back and you turn back around to face him.

"ao'nung... i accept your apology, but it will take time for me to trust you again. if this is a courting gift, then i do not accept it as a courting gift, only as a normal gift and an apology. if you wish to court me, it will require me to forgive you fully. your words have hurt me and it will take some time to heal, please understand." you tell him, and he nods in understanding.

"i will do whatever it takes for you to accept me as your mate. I want you to know i do feel the same for you as you did when you approached me with your courting, and i was a skxawng to reject you." he tells you. you nod in agreement, glad that he's apologised and you feel slightly better. however, you were not going to accept him immediately, knowing that his actions would prove the truth better than the words he says.

your ways separate after that, you continuing your hunt, and him going back to his marui to tell t'sireya the news.

"of course she accepted your apology. i said she was better than i was, didn't i?" t'sireya rolls her eyes. "you need to prove what you mean if you want to still court her. not that you deserve her, idiot." she continues.

he shrugs, just happy you agreed to accept his apology. t'sireya rolls her eyes again, but she too is glad you accepted his apology.

the next couple of weeks, ao'nung is the kindest he's ever been. he saves you the food he deems the best, brings you extravagant gifts, and saves you the best spots at the communal fires. your brothers were not happy at the beginning, but with every new gift, they saw you looking happier and happier, so they just watched from a distance, ready to swoop in whenever something felt wrong. ao'nung gifted your brothers spoils of the hunt, and soon won the favour of your mother and father.

they believed he would be a suitable mate, especially now that he was looking for your forgiveness, and to gain your trust back. they were also happy, believing that he was slightly worthy of you when they began to see your old self again, quick to smile and laugh.

conversation was easy between you and ao'nung, he asks you of your home, and you teach him about the forests you came from. you find out small details about him, like how he used to be afraid of the water, but his father just threw him in and he began to enjoy it.

he doesn't press you for answer regarding being his mate, just easily working up to the moment where you feel comfortable enough to tell him you accept. you never knew how affectionate ao'nung was. he was very tactile with you

it was usually very small things. like when you walked through a crowded area, he had his hand resting gently on your lower back, guiding you through the crowds, muttering about how he wouldn't want to lose you. his arm wrapped around your shoulder protectively when another boy who wanted your attention came by, glaring at them until they got uncomfortable enough to leave. he thought he was being subtle, but he really wasn't.

he also tended to lean into your side during conversations, leaving you flustered on numerous occasions, and him with a smirk on his face. one time, you got irritated by his smirk and noticed his dimples popped out, and you stuck your index fingers in them and laughed while he stared at you like you were insane, before lunging after you as you danced out of his grasp to tickle you.

he did that a lot, actually. didn't know why, but it was probably an excuse to touch you, you thought later. it was a strange relationship, both of you knowing how you and the other felt of each other, but nothing really progressed, as he was waiting for you to accept his courtship, continuing to bring you gifts every day.

it was insane, how many he had. it was like he had been collecting every single thing that made him think of you and giving it to you. your brothers complained about the clutter near your hammock, but they saw how it made you smile every time you got a new gift. it wasn't like you were just accepting his gifts and not doing anything for him, though.

you too gave him frequent gifts, although smaller gifts and less often, about once a week. it was a funny joke among the metkayina tribe members, and a you're pretty sure you saw t'sireya betting with a child on how long it would take for you to cave into ao'nung's advances. you spluttered when you asked her about it and she just grinned mischievously, telling you to hurry it up because she wanted to win.

and it didn't help that you were on your way to ao'nung as he noticed your blush and asked you about it , which made you begin spluttering again, and he laughed lightly, pulling you closer to him as you walked, arm wrapping around your waist.

a couple of months after this specific moment, after you fully believed that he was true to his word, actually caring about you, you consulted your brothers, parents, friends and even ao'nung's parents. they all agreed that he had managed to prove himself to be worthy of you, and since they agreed with you, you decided to accept.

that day, you pulled him along to a small cave you found off the coast of the village, which you had set up nicely. he seemed to know you had finally accepted, but could tell you wanted it to be special, so he just let you do what you wished.

at the small cave, it was dimly lit by blue glow worms, and you pulled him to a small tide pool, pulling him down to sit at the edge with you, dipping your feet in the water. he smiled at you encouragingly, ready for you to accept.

you pulled out a small bracelet you had made for him discreetly while he was literally around you 24/7, that happened to match with one you were wearing.

"ao'nung, i know that i did not originally accept your courting, due to the rejection of mine, but i am ready now. i accept you and i see you." you tell him, handing him the bracelet. he smiles at you happily, taking it from you and putting it around his wrist, before pushing himself into the water.

you sit there confused, wondering what you're supposed to do now, when he gives you a mischievous grin, that looks scarily alike to t'sireya's. using his tail to stay afloat in the tide pool, he reaches his hand out for you to take. you take it, and he pulls you under.

under the surface of the water, your thin eyelid slides over your eyes, allowing you to see underwater. ao'nung's in front of you, smiling at you. he snakes his arms around your waist, pulling you closer to him. you can feel your heart thump in your chest, and can feel his heart beating fast in his, too. one hand moves from your waist to cup your cheek, before he leans in and closes his eyes, kissing you.

both of your lips gently brush against each other underwater, and his grip around you tightens, pulling you closer. the kiss is hesitant in the beginning, exploring. the longer your lips remain together, the more confident he gets, grip tightening again.

you can't help but think how happy you are in this moment, grateful you managed to end up together like you always thought you would, happy that you were.

the kiss is nothing like you thought it would be, better than you could have ever expected, his lips soft against yours. he pulls back after awhile, smiling at you, before you both swim back to the surface to breathe.

needless to say, t'sireya was obnoxiously happy she won the bet against the child, and you promised you were going to bet on her and lo'ak with ao'nung, which made her stay quiet. but you didn't mind, since you had ao'nung by your side after all.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

taglist

@aonungmyaddiction @elizarikaallen @ok-boke @chuckle-nuts @shadowmoonlight0604 @shit-i-say-shit-i-think @plutodestr0yedme @yeosxxx @slutforsmut4ever

a/n - hi guys! finally finished this, it's the last part. i ended up writing more than i expected, but it was fun to do so. i hope you enjoyed!

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heyidkyay · 1 year

Text

I guess I'll take this pain, instead of your name

Part Ten

A/n: Another long one! I sort of kept coming back to the doc tbh, adding stuff and removing it whilst having had nothing better to do over the past week. Sorry this update's taken a little longer than usual too, just a lot happening currently:) Hope you like this part though!

Summary: In life, things changed. The boys you'd once grown up with were men now, and famous ones at that. The type that toured the world and had millions of adoring fans.

The five of you shared a shit ton of history. But you also shared a lot of mixed emotions for one of them in particular, a certain drummer.

Warnings: Mentions of blood, food

Masterlist

There was a bright almost incessant light hazing above me, blurred but still strong. I grimaced at its relentless need to wake me, squeezing my eyes shut tighter and twisting in my position to get further away from it. But was only then that I was met with a face full of endless curls.

I wrinkled my nose, spluttering at the sudden ambush of heady smoke and something fruity- apples maybe? And had to sit up, a struggle in itself really as tried to make sense of everything, rubbing at my tired eyes.

Groggy and still half asleep, I pushed upwards and found myself still sprawled out on the settee, a snoring Matty pitted beside me. The sunlight, which had awoken me, was crawling in through the shuttered blinds I’d forgotten to close the night before when Matty and I had lost ourselves in a few bottles of wine and some languid conversation.

I patted around aimlessly for my mobile, finding it wedged between the settee cushion and Matty’s arse, I curled my lip up in disgust and shoved him over slightly to grab ahold of it. He stirred briefly but was out like a light again in seconds, I scoffed. For a man who struggled with falling asleep, he sure could kip through just about anything.

I had to tug a hand through my hair then, peering down at my phone to steal a glance at the time, wondering just how long I had until I was due in to work.

11:23am

Shit!

“Matty! Matty, up now!” I immediately called out, bolting to my feet and almost slamming into the coffee table in my sudden haste. “Matty! Wake up!” I repeated, shaking his shoulder now in hopes that it would stir him.

I hurried across the living-room floor and into the bathroom, throwing my hair up as I went so that I could quickly wash my face and brush my teeth. Also pee- that was definitely something that needed to be checked off of my to-do list after last night’s antics. Though to be fair, I was quite surprised that I hadn’t woken up to a blinding hangover. Wine always seemed to work the trick...

Still, I had no time to feel anything but grateful for the near-miss as I scuttled about the house, running into my bedroom to grab some clean clothes and underwear.

I was jumping into a pair of jeans when I made my way back out towards Matty again. Thankfully though the singer was somewhat lucid now, blinking blearily back at me from where he sat crosslegged on my settee.

“Well, isn’t this a sight.” He drawled drowsily, grinning as I tugged the denim’s waistband up over my arse.

He was seemingly still a little shit even when half asleep.

“I’ve got work at twelve.” I told him, fiddling with the metal button on my jeans before doing up the zip. “And I really can’t be late- Delia will have my head. So get up, please?” I added as an afterthought, hoping that if I sounded desperate enough Matty wouldn’t push back so hard.

“What time even is it?” He murmured around a loud yawn, messing up his curls when he dragged a hand up over his face and into the birds nest he deemed hair.

“Nearly half eleven.” I replied with a backwards glance towards the clock, chucking one of my clean shirts at him and smiling when it landed atop his head even as I hastily made my way back into my bedroom.

“Look. I’ll cooperate- even with having just been rudely awoken at the crack-arse of dawn! But only if you mend me a brew!” Matty called out to me just as I wandered back in, trying some half-arsed attempt at my typical makeup routine in hopes that it would distract people from the mess sleep had made of my hair.

He had the shirt I’d gifted him stuck on the crook of his nose.

I shook my head as I made my way over to help him and Matty merely grinned up at me with squinted eyes when his face popped back into view.

“Ta.”

“Welcome.” I chuckled breathily, already on the move again, “And I so would, but we don’t have time for any sort of caffeine. I’ve got to leave in the next… five minutes!”

Matty cradled a hand to his heart, mouth hanging open in mock horror. “Take that back.”

I laughed, wondering how he even had the energy for theatrics as I padded down the hallway to slip into a pair of boots, grabbing Matty’s trainers too before I returned.

He sighed dramatically when I reappeared, but I was mainly just grateful to see that he was up off the sofa and mostly dressed. “Tell you what,” Matty said to me, “You buy me a brew on the way over to the shop and I’ll drop you off.”

I snorted, tidying away the wineglasses we’d brought out last night and tucking the few bottles we’d emptied out of the way for later-me to deal with. “How’s that a fair trade? And between the pair of us, aren’t you the one who’s supposedly loaded?”

“Yeah, but what’s a couple quid between friends, eh?” Matty shrugged in simple retort, slumping into the bathroom to piss with the door wide-open. I rolled my eyes, but I’d become mostly immune to it, having lived with boys for a majority of my life. “Besides, I cooked you dinner the other night! Doesn’t that count for summat?”

“It does, and I’m beyond thankful that you didn’t end up giving us all food poisoning, but I’m also pretty sure that it falls under the birthday requirements you set.”

Matty stuck his head back around the door to pull a face at me, but dipped back just in time to avoid the flick I’d been set on gifting his forehead. I heard the taps start to run a moment later.

“Since when- did I ever- say anythin'! ‘Bout- requir- ‘ents?”

I paused then in the search I’d been on for my keys at the sound of his muffled words. Listening in closer. “Are you- brushing your teeth?”

I received a loud gaging sound in response from where he must’ve tried to shout back, and could only grimace.

“I swear to God, Matty. If you’re using my toothbrush!”

He was grinning around a mouthful of foam when I glanced over towards the bathroom door again, dancing in the archway to whatever melody he had going on in his head. I scowled at the sight of the pink toothbrush he had hanging out his gob.

“Matty! You’re such a pig!” I growled, and was unable to help my childish pout even when he returned to spit the wad of toothpaste into the sink.

“What!” Matty cackled a second later, his voice echoing. “We’re mates, aren't we? And it’s not like you’ve not had worse in your mouth! Hang on- why’s it even botherin' you? You've snogged me before!”

I forced a lungful of air out of my nose and continued on with my search, finding the keys on the hallway floor just beneath the dresser.

“Drunken snogs between friends don’t count! And besides, two out three of ‘em were dares!” I shouted back, grinning as I picked the set up off the floor before wandering over near the door to throw on my trusted leather jacket. “Are you even ready yet?”

“That depends.” Matty sung loudly, starling me a bit as he rounded the end of the walkway. But from what I could see he was alive, dressed, and looking semi-presentable.

“On what?” I retorted, filling my pockets with my daily essentials. Keys. Cards. Phone. I looked him over once more, “Top looks cute, by the way.”

And it did, the tee I’d tossed at him a couple of minutes ago was definitely tight but it fit him quite nicely, only leaving the slightest gap between itself and the band of his jeans. He oozed an ‘I just woke up and still look fitter than you’ sort of vibe. A bit of eyeliner and he’d be any teenage girl's wetdream.

“On whether or not you’re buying me a brew.” He stated uncaringly.

I groaned loudly into the long stretch of hallway that separated us, now seemingly in a standoff with my best mate over a cup of coffee. “Fine!” I gave up in a huff, resigning myself to the unnecessary task, “But you’re sweet talking Delia when we turn up late.”

“If we turn up late!” Matty corrected me, beaming away happily like the smarmy git he was as he threw on his trench and wandered over towards the door. “You comin’ then? Thought you said you were gonna be late.”

He ducked out of the entryway before I could cuff him on the ear, laughing all the while. I just had to shake my head at his antics in the end, undoing my hair from its tie and ruffing it up a bit as I trailed out after him.

—

“There’s no way! I don’t care. If you could see the dead you would tell absolutely everybody, Matty.” I declared without a hint of doubt as we bustled in through the florist’s shop door, bringing the early afternoon chill in with us.

We’d been arguing about this since we’d ordered a couple coffee’s over at the bakery a few door’s down. Just bickering over the idea of whether or not ghosts actually existed and if they were aware of the fact that they were dead or not.

It had only been brought up when an ambulance had sped by, it’s lights blinking and siren blaring even through the empty backstreets. The topic had sort of spiralled after that into the concept of a living person having to see the dead, and wondering what would occur if it happened to either one of us, if we would ever tell.

Matty liked to claim that he’d keep it all under wraps, hush hush so to speak. But I was incredibly quick to bat that very notion wide out of the arena, because Matty could not keep a secret to himself for the life of him!

He’d have to tell at least one person. And then, because that one person already knew, it meant that there was no harm in telling a couple more. Resulting in the entire country thinking he was completely off his nut by the day’s end when they'd all finally caught wind of it. But anyway, there was a point to this little tidbit of mine, Matty was wrong, and like always, I was right.

“I would not! Everyone would think I was a proper head case.” Matty defended with a very unhappy frown, his nose scrunched and brow wring;ed as he followed in behind me.

I shot an exasperated look over towards the counter where my boss, Delia, was stood smirking behind a bouquet of tulips and lilies. The familiar floral scent filled my senses and relaxed my shoulders the further inside I wandered, making me vaguely aware of just how tense I’d been.

“Matthew, you forget that I have known you for almost your entire life. So believe me when I say that you’d end up telling me, or at least Hann, in less time than it would take for you to work out that you actually were seeing ghosts, but only ‘cause you’d think you were going mental.” I snorted, smiling at the older woman I’d come to admire a lot during my time at the shop as I gifted her the hazelnut latte I’d picked up. “Heya Delia, not too late am I?”

“No, lovie, you’ve just a minute to spare.” Delia chuckled quietly under her breath as she observed Matty and I with obvious amusement. “This for me, is it?”

I was quick to nod at her, scooting the cup closer and waving off the thanks I received before Matty started rambling away again.

“Alright, fair enough! I’d probably let it slip- but! The last person I would tell is Hann! Could you just imagine? He’d probably send me straight back to rehab. Or a fucking psych-ward.”

I couldn’t argue with him there. Adam Hann was a knowledgable man, definitely more biased when it came to what he could or couldn’t see, he liked explanations and hard evidence rather than dipping a toe into the unknown.

“Okay, fine. But can we at least agree that you’d call me in a massive meltdown? ‘Cause I can already paint a very vivid picture, that’s how certain I am of it happening.”

Matty rolled his eyes at me but heaved out a dramatic sigh as he traipsed around the shop, playing with the many flowers we had to offer. “Only ‘cause I’d wanna make you jealous.”

I couldn’t not laugh upon hearing his mutter. It was a very Matty thing to do.

“Of course I’d be jealous! The whole thing seems so insane to even imagine.” I called out over my shoulder in retort as I popped into the backroom to shake off my jacket and throw on my work apron.

When I returned, it appeared that Matty had already roped poor Delia into our conversation and stationed himself on the worktop beside her. Not that she seemed to mind one bit. I’d noted that in the time I’d started working here, she’d become rather fond of Matty and his mind's inner musings. He could probably drown her prized rosebushes and she wouldn’t bat an eyelid.

“I bet you they’re watching us now, you know.” He murmured to her, searching the shop’s vicinity for something or other, probably an odd spec of dust floating about or a strange sheen of light. I had to hide my grin behind my hair as I made my way back over, shooing his arse off the counter.

“Alright, Healy. Enough of your theatrics for one day, don’t you have some place to be? The studio perhaps.” I quirked a brow at him as I bent down to retrieve today’s orders from yesterday’s receipt book.

When I glanced back up at him, he had his coffee cup halfway to his lips and was blinking blankly at nothing. “Shit.”

I snorted and had to shake my head, already around the counter and steering him towards the door before he could simply decide to forgo his own responsibilities for the day to annoy me whilst I tread through mine. “Yes, shit indeed. As in, you’d best be on your way now before Hann starts blowing up your phone.”

Wrinkling his forehead, Matty squinted his eyes at me whilst I halfheartedly shoved him over towards the exit. “Is this really necessary?”

“Yes, it is. And I’ll message you later to make sure that your session went well.” I smiled, patting him amicably on the back and out over the threshold before I shut the door in his face.

I waved at him through the glass and turned to return to Delia. I was just about to question what arrangement she wanted me to help get started on when Matty’s voice drifted back into the shop.

I stopped, sighed, and then peered back around to find that he’d stuck his head back round the doorframe.

“Don’t worry about a text, I’ll pick you up!” He grinned to me, one hand on the handle to steady himself whilst the other, the one grasping his hot coffee, was up in the air towering aimlessly above him. “Love you, Delia! Be seein’ you!”

With my arms crossed firmly over my chest, the door’s bell rung out after Matty’s head had disappeared from view, I tutted and turned back to face my boss. “Where was my declaration of love?”

Delia merely laughed, shaking her head at the pair of us whilst she told me to get a head start on the wedding prints outback instead.

“It’ll give you something to occupy yourself with.” She’d told me just before a customer wandered in, asking after a spider plant.

I’d tilted my head at her retreating back with a tiny frown, unsure on what she’d meant by it. But still, I got to work soon enough and let my mind be dragged elsewhere.

—

Hours in the shop always seemed to have a knack for flying by, a couple had actually passed since I’d completed all the tasks I’d set out for myself and so I was now filling in for Delia out-front whilst she went on her break. Just me merely working the till and trimming ribbons for the newest order we’d received- a bouquet of pastel hydrangeas paired with a spritz of baby’s breath.

I found myself smiling as I worked.

To be honest, I was immensely grateful for this job. For Delia and her shop really. The woman had truly taken me in on a whim, seeing as originally she’d been looking for someone with a lot more experience to help her out now that she was now getting older and wanted to spend some more time with her grandchildren.

But then I’d walked in through the door, flustered and on the edge from the way my life had slowly seemed to be crumbling around me- first with George and then with the loss of my job. It had been a struggle to say the very least. And I don’t think anyone even remotely close to me would’ve recognised the shell of a person I’d become.

Because in truth, with everything that had been going on, I’d shut myself away completely. Quite literally closed up the blinds and retreated from everyone and everything. If only so I didn't have to face the harsh reality of it all.

Matty and Delia had both been a constant reassurance.

Everything in the shop had sort of settled in the last half hour, the mayhem of a regular work day had subsided like it usually did in the hour before we closed up and it was then that I found myself drifting. Lost in my own head. And soon enough, thoughts I really didn’t want to think about were worming their way back to the surface.

It seemed as though time had finally given my mind enough of itself to allow thoughts of the previous day and everything that had come with it to wander back in.

I could still picture George’s face, his hurt so evident, so vivid even in my mind. I felt a rush of guilt flood through me, thoughts spinning back to the way his hand had held mine, how he’d sheltered me from the world whilst I’d tried to build myself back up in that tiny cafe, him being the person I remembered, even if it had just been for the afternoon.

I was in an odd sort of trance, I supposed. Spiralling. Free falling. Adrift. The onset of emotions I’d worked so hard to plug up and avoid since Matty had turned up on my doorstep last night were all spilling out from behind the bolted iron door I’d hidden them behind.

“Ow!” I jumped in shock and the scissors I’d been holding clattered loudly to the floor.

My eyes flickered down towards my hand and I realised that I’d snipped my finger.

“Shit!” I hissed under my breath, already holding the bleeding cut to my mouth to stop the flow of blood just as Delia bounced back through the door, a couple of bags in either hand. Her eyes widened at the sight of me.

“Oh quick! There’s a box of tissues behind the till, grab those whilst I find the first aid kit, will you?” Delia rushed out to me, already hurrying towards the backroom before I could get a word in edgeways.

I was blinking heavily as I took in her instructions. Tissues, tissues… tissues. Aimlessly I grabbed for the box she'd mentioned but it dropped to my feet just when I’d gotten a proper grip on it. I was so out of it today.

I slumped to my knees and did as I was told, using a few tissues to lessen the blood-flow. But the white tissues were blotting rapidly, staining a bright red, and so I dropped them too and applied a couple more. Then a couple more again.

Delia returned a few moments later, a green box tucked under her arm and a slew of medical wipes in her hand. She boggled slightly at the sight of me on the floor, perched in a sea of surrounding tissues, but easily helped steady me back on my feet.

With my freehand I picked up the box as I went, the scissors too. She tutted at me, but didn’t say anything about it.

“I’m fine, really, Delia. It was just a small snip.” I tried to reason with her whilst she laid my arm out to rest on the counter.

“A small snip? That looks like quite the cut, petal.” Delia retorted, removing the wad of tissues I’d packed onto my finger to properly examine the wound. It was deep. “What even happened?”

“I must’ve been elsewhere. Off in a world of my own.” I mumbled to her, rubbing at my forehead whilst she worked. The cut was throbbing now and I could feel my own pulse, but I’d suffered through worse and so I attempted to reassure her some more. “I really am sorry, Deals. Promise, it won’t happen again.”

“Don’t be stupid, there’s no need for any apologies. Alright?” She soothed me and I nodded in quiet reply. Unable to do much else.

Delia worked her magic on my finger, plastering it up after having disinfected it, the two of us just letting the cars outside fill the empty silence. She cradled my injured hand in hers when she was done and I looked up to find her smiling gently at me, her eyes soft and sympathetic.

I don’t know why but it was that, the look on her face, that caught me off guard. Not the spiral I’d lost myself in. Not the cut. Not the adrenaline. No. It was the way she looked at me then. Like I was someone of importance. Someone worth being worried over.

“Y/n?”

I blinked back the onslaught of tears that had just been welling in the corner of my eyes and was quick to plaster on a grateful smile, turning away from her then to hide my emotions from view.

“Thank you, Delia. Honestly, it feels brand new already.” I told her, looking down at the tape which now covered my finger from knuckle to knuckle.

With a small chuckle, I tried to pick the scissors back up off the counter to continue on with the arrangement’s bow but her hand shot out to stop me.

“Don’t even think about it.” Delia clucked and my gaze widened in alarm, flicking back up meet hers. She sent me another loving but somehow still scolding smile with a tilt of her head. “You can just take it easy from here on out. Check over the inventory or something whilst I sort this.”

“No really, I’m fine, Deals.”

The older woman simply waved my words away and gave me a stern look in return. “As your boss I’m not asking. I’m telling you to.”

I attempted a laugh but only managed to give her something short of a dry chuckle, but I dipped my chin at her as I waved my metaphorical white flag. “Okay, but will you at least let me-”

Delia just begun ushering me away then with the broom she’d since picked up, and I had to shake my head at her in sudden amusement whilst simultaneously trying to actively avoid its bristles.

“I thought you said to take it easy!” I rebuked in laughter, jumping over the backroom’s threshold just before she could swipe at my feet.

“Then do as you’re told!” The woman scolded with a faint titter of her own, her smile loving and carefree even as she pivoted away from me to clean up my mess.

I felt my heart like a lump in my throat. It was tough to swallow.

—

“Y/n, love!”

I paused from where I was just finishing up with counting this morning’s delivery boxes when Delia’s voice traveled out to greet me in the greenhouse.

‘The greenhouse’ we call it, as in the small glass conservatory that had been fitted round back to home the more finicky houseplants we kept and sold.

“Yeah? Is everything okay?” I called back, running through the numbers once more in my head before I ticked them off on the iPad I’d brought out with me.

Deliveries often went by without so much as a hitch, but a fair few times the companies made mistakes with our orders and so we always had to doublecheck everything had arrived before the day’s end. It was one on the easier but more time-consuming tasks.

“It’s just gone seven and you’ve got some friends waiting to take you home!” Delia replied, and I turned around just in time to see her coming through the door, wiping her hands over with a clean tea-towel.

“Oh has it?” I pondered, eyes wandering over towards the far wall’s clock instinctively, but then I stopped, “Wait, did you say friends? As in plural?”

Delia merely laughed at me whilst I slowly lowered the iPad down onto the office table, wondering who it could be. “Yes dearie, multiple people.”

I frowned and she must’ve have noticed. When did she not, really? Because she smiled at me gently, hand rubbing against my shoulder when she stopped beside me.

“Why, were you not expecting them?”

“Um, no.” I forced out a confused chuckle, but couldn’t work off the grin that grew when she squeezed my arm and pulled me in for a short hug.

“Well, best not keep them waiting hey? You go on, I’ve got everything covered here.”

“You sure?” I questioned her, looking about the place.

With a roll of her eyes and another fond but exasperated smile, she sent me off on my way. “Yes, I’ll see you Monday. Bright and early.”

I flashed her a grin and nodded, trading my apron out for my leather jacket. “Monday.” I reiterated, “Hope you have a lovely weekend, Deals.”

“You too, lovie.”

When I emerged from the back office I was rather surprised to find three troublemakers waiting for me. Two of which were already pissing about, as should be expected whenever they came together.

“Oi twats, lose one of those pots and you’ll lose a head.” I reprimanded, clucking my tongue at them as I tugged my hair out of the back of my jacket and approached them, purposefully avoiding glancing over to where I knew the third was stood, glancing about the shop from the doorway, hands in his pockets.

Ross and Matty stopped their scuffle then, the latter looking over at me from under Ross’s armpit whilst the giant merely grinned.

“Alright, Y/n?”

I pursed my lips to withhold the oncoming smile.

“Ross.” I greeted in turn, “What are you lot even doing here?”

“Came to pick you up, of course.” Ross was the first to reply, and I watched him tighten his hold briefly before his prisoner slipped free.

“Said I would, remember?” Matty piped up, shoving Ross away from him with an irritated scowl and mussing his hair.

“Yeah, didn’t think you were serious though.” I chuckled, recalling the earlier parting he’d gifted me. “Said I’d text you when I got in, didn’t I?”

“Here now though, aren’t we? Figured we’d get some food. Fuckin’ dead on my feet after today. Hann was on a warpath.”

I felt my face grow taut as I gave them all a quick once over. To be fair to Matty, they did look like they’d been through it, slouched and all bleary-eyed, but they were still smiling away. Well, bar one.

“Where is Adam anyway?” I asked, ushering the trio out of the shop before they could say or do anything stupid, like break one of Delia’s priceless vases. “Headed out now, Delia! Don’t stay too late!”

“You have fun, sweetheart!”

I flipped the door’s sign to ‘closed’ and let it fall shut behind me, turning to where the three idiots now stood awaiting my next move.

“Hann had a date night with Carls.” Matty mentioned to me as he made a large stride to link our arms once I’d descended the shop’s few steps, he tucked himself into my side. We all seemed to start walking then.

“Which he made himself late for! After stressing about this one riff he’d gotten right the first try.” Ross then added, he and George trailing slightly ahead. I saw George glance back at us two times from out of the corner of my eye before he fell into a simple rhythm with the bassist.

“What can we say? A perfectionist, our Hann.” Matty said sarcastically with a hint of genuine warmth that made me smile, I leant further into him when he grinned down at me.

Whilst we made our way to wherever it was the boys were taking me, I let them tell me all about their day. How Waughy had blundered coming into the studio, spilling a shit ton of coffee and only just missing the mixing desk by the fraction of a hair. George had almost had an aneurysm.

Then about Matty’s new verse for the song he’d relentlessly been working on wanting to make it sound right. As well as Ross’s unprompted debate over the rankings of potatoes. He claimed crisps held the number one spot whilst Matty and George both said chips. Adam had been alone when he’d voted mash.

“What do you mean you agree with him!” Ross’s undignified whine rang out through the burger joint we’d ordered out from once over the phone, baffled by my agreement it seemed.

I rolled my eyes at him as the four of us all trailed over to a booth in the back, the server calling out to us that they’d be with us in a few.

“Mash just trumps all.”

Ross was shaking his head at me from across the table now. I’d slid into one side, Matty following just after, before George and then Ross had copied our arrangement on the other.

I tried my best to keep my feet tucked under my chair in hopes that they wouldn’t accidentally brush against the drummer’s. The one person I’d done a very excellent job of, not ignoring per se, just overlooking in the time we'd been forced together. Though it’d been much easier to do whilst he’d be walking a stretch in front of me, and not sat opposite staring into my very soul.

Okay, maybe I was being a touch dramatic. But I couldn’t believe Matty had done this, I honestly thought I might’ve had a little longer to internalise the whole George and I situation before we were coerced into sharing the same space.

That and plus, it made the last words I’d shared with him feel a whole lot less significant now. God, Matty was a right twat.

“The fuck it does!” Ross scoffed and I was brought right back to the topic at hand. Mash.

I shrugged, flipping through the menu. “Believe what you must, MacDonald. But Hann and I both know the truth.”

Ross actually looked a millisecond away from exploding and I was revelling in it. But unfortunately for me, our waiter decided to pop on over.

We ordered and continued on, George subtly steering us onto another subject once we had, which caused Matty to delve deeper into the musings he'd created for each one of us. Something I found entertaining to watch, seeing as the curly haired singer was using it to deem the worthy attributes of both Ross and George. Knowing better than to start on the likes of me.

I was sipping away at my drink, half listening to whatever it was Ross had to say, when I felt Matty’s elbow nudge my side. I glanced towards him to find him wearing a smug sort of grin.

I quirked a brow at him and he leant in closer. “Reckon our waiter’s proper taken with you.”

I tried to pull away to see where the guy in question currently was but Matty's hand shot out to my knee to stop me. I frowned.

“Don’t make it obvious. But he’s walked by our table at least seven times in the last fifteen minutes.”

My forehead pinched. “Probably ‘cause he’s working?”

Matty just rolled his eyes at me. “You’re a twat. Look around, there’s only two other tables and that girl with the ginger hair’s been waiting them.”

I pulled away slowly and he let me, casually taking the chance to spare a quick glance at the rest of the joint. It was then that the waiter slid back into view, conveniently approaching our table once more. My eyes darted away quickly and Matty snorted at my attempt to feign ignorance.

“Told you.” He said and I scowled, but the timely arrival proved nothing. It was then that I jumped at the sudden sound of George’s voice.

“What're you two whispering ‘bout?” He interrupted, and in my surprise my body instinctively turned towards the noise, our eyes meeting for the first time since I'd left him by the canals.

There were all those confusing emotions again.

I coughed and fought to look away, Matty smirking proudly just as the waiter arrived.

“You guys alright here? Can I get you any more drinks?”

I looked up at him and found him already watching me, a genuine smile on his face. To be fair, he was quite fit. My type to a T. But I felt weird even having those sorts of thought whilst George was sat at the same table as me.

“Um,” I tried to formulate a response but then Ross cut in.

“Wouldn’t happen to have a desserts menu would you?”

“Fuck’s sake, Ross.” Matty groaned, seeming as though he was a breath away from knocking the bassist’s head against the table.

“What?”

The bloke, Sam I vaguely recalled from earlier, cracked a mirthy grin at the pair but dipped his chin towards Ross, “No worries, I'll grab you one.”

He steered back towards me then and I felt those butterflies that typically tended to evade me unravel slowly and unfurl. It was down to his smile, I reckoned.

“Did you say you wanted something, love?” He questioned, nodding his head over towards me.

George’s knee knocked against mine then and my eyes shot over towards him, only to see that he hadn’t reacted to the contact at all. I figured he must not have meant to or hadn’t even felt the touch. I swallowed and allowed my eyes to find Sam’s again. They were blue, hidden slightly behind the shadow of his dirty blonde hair.

“Uh, yeah. Could I get a refill please?”

“Diet Coke wasn’t it?”

I shot him a sweet smile at the recollection and handed him my glass, eyes finding his once more as our fingers briefly brushed.

“I’ll get right on it for you.” Sam assured, that cheeky grin of his never faulting and only further hollowing out the dimples in his cheeks as his gaze trailed over every inch of my face. I fought not to blush.

“And that dessert menu?” George piped up, slicing through our moment, before he yelped quietly and shot a glowering look Matty’s way. I frowned at them both, but looked back to Sam when he answered George.

“‘Course, mate. Be back in a sec.”

And with that, Sam was gone, leaving me with a rather bewildered looking Ross and the stilted air which now clouded the remaining two.

“Do you reckon they have any good cheesecake?” Ross questioned to break up the tension, but I ignored him in favour of turning towards George.

“What was that?” I accused.

“What was what?” He answered me with a small shrug, having the nerve to actually look confused.

“That. Don’t pull this shit with me. We all saw what happened.”

George merely shrugged again, “Don’t know what you mean.”

I scowled and went to argue but Matty cut in just in time.

“Sam! Cheers mate.” Matty grinned as he took the menu’s off of Sam, handing one to Ross and flinging another in George’s direction.

I tried to ward off my growing agitation, which was hard to do when I caught the glower George was giving Sam. But the guy seemed to be aware of the rising atmosphere but was obviously trying to ignore it. He was doing an alright job.

“Er, welcome, I ‘spose. You want to order now, or?” Sam quizzed us, deliberately turning towards Matty and I to avoid George's line of sight.

Ross was all but beaming down at the laminated sheet and was quick to decide on two desserts, a fudge sundae and a tiramisu.

I chuckled faintly when I heard him prattle off his order, perusing the menu myself. Matty waved Sam's question away, asking for a hot chocolate instead, whilst George decided against getting anything else. Then it appeared to be my go.

I wasn’t much in the mood for anything else but asked for a brownie, one that I could stow away for later on. Hopefully so I could pair it with some ice cream or something of the like whilst I watched a film.

“Good choice, reckon the brownies here are some of the best.” Sam commented, blue eyes on me again.

I smiled when I gifted him back the menu.

“I’ll be holding you to it.” My tone was teasing and Sam’s grin was worth the sight.

“Make sure you do.” He quipped right back, eyes holding mine before he was called away.

Matty was smirking over at me when Sam disappeared from view, chin in his hand as he batted his lashes. I could practically hear him singing ‘I told you so’ over and over again in his head.

I nudged his elbow in retaliation and all but cackled when he just narrowly missed face planting the tabletop.

“Shut it.” I laughed.

Matty rubbed at his elbow but was still very much relishing in his supposed correct assumption.

I rolled my eyes, playing with my drink’s straw. “We can’t be sure.”

Matty copied the former gesture, pairing it with an exaggerated sigh. “Oh, give it up. His tongue was practically on the floor at the sight of you.” His eyes twinkled and I swatted at his arm playfully when he pivoted in his seat to look around, “Reckon Cupid’s even hanging about here somewhere.”

“Piss off.” I laughed lightly, smiling all the while.

That was until George was all but shoving Ross out of the booth, jaw tight and ticking with his struggle to keep his gob shut.

“Oi shithead, where're you off to?” Matty asked after his retreating figure, but the only answer he received was one worded.

“Smoke.”

And the three of us were left sharing an awkward glance.

Part eleven>

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n0v4t33z · 8 months

Text

The Syndicate - Chapter 6 : Un-Killable

Pairings: Choi San X Female Reader, Park Seonghwa X Female Reader, Ateez X Female Reader

Genre: Lots of angst, Romance, Crime Fiction, Psychological Drama

Word Count: 5.8k

Tags/Warnings: For Mature Audiences, Language, Graphic Violence, Mentions of Illegal activities (i.e Kidnapping, extortion, assassination etc.), y/n gets roughed up by Wooyoung like twice , Slow Burn, Fluff sometimes, Work In Progress, Non-Idol AU, Mafia AU, Very suggestive at times, y/n cries alot, y/n having inner turmoil, Ateez being bad boys, Wooyoung and Yeosang are a little mean in this story tbh, Guns, Gunshot wounds, Assassination attempt(s), mentions death and acts of violence

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT!!

Spotify Playlist🎵 | Series Masterlist📝

Author's Note 💌: Hi, It's been about two weeks since I posted the last chapter so I'm here to keep my promise about posting at least twice every month! Unfortunately I didn't realize how short this chapter actually is. Either way it's a good one though, there are also some parts I may fix and add onto later since I'm posting this close to 2 am and I'm exhausted so I hope you guys still enjoy it either way! ^^

‧⋆ ✧˚₊‧⋆. ✧˚₊‧⋆‧‧⋆ ✧˚₊‧⋆. ✧˚₊‧⋆‧‧⋆ ✧˚₊‧⋆. ✧˚₊‧⋆‧‧⋆ ✧˚₊‧⋆.

A whole 2 months passes by and I notice San has become somewhat distant and has been spending most of the time either in his office by himself or in the conference room with the rest of the guys. Although Seonghwa, Jongho, Yunho and Mingi still interact with me they become very vague anytime I ask them about San. There were a few occasions where I wanted to try and see what exactly they were talking about but because there's always a goon outside the door now keeping a lookout so I could never get close enough to hear. One day I asked Seonghwa why they spent so much time in the conference room and the only thing he told me is "We're sorting things out." As for me, this whole time after I ran the 3 people’s names in the police database and nothing came up I realized these people are basically ghosts with no paper trails on the database meaning I’ve been having to investigate on foot and tailing them. The only thing San left for me as a place of reference and a place to start was a club on the east side of the city which actually turned out to be a club named "Enigma" that they own under a fake identity but another thing San left on the note is that these 3 people are brothers who run an underground black market out of it. So far everything is fine with them, no meetings with any other rival groups. If anything, these brothers definitely know how to treat their allies by providing them with weapons and other resources that are otherwise considered inaccessible to which I'm assuming this is the reason San wants to work with them. Which leads me to where I am right now, heading home after a long couple of days of consecutively tailing and observing these people. What's been really weird is that San called me at least once everyday to check in on me in the beginning but it's been 2 weeks and nothing. I sigh while I look at the dark road ahead of me, taking in the scene of complete emptiness with a beautifully glittery night sky which left me feeling a bit emotional. I slowly begin to tighten my grip on the steering wheel. I’ve had so many chances to leave but why aren’t I taking them? Have I seriously grown attached?

I reach for my phone and very anxiously I glance at the screen while I keep my eyes on the road and look at my recent calls, the last time I called San was two days ago. I stare at his name on my screen for a few seconds and decide to just hit the call button. The ringing starts and by the 4th ring I'm sent to voicemail immediately making my heart sink. He didn't answer, again. My vision begins to blur the bright headlights and the road ahead of me slightly begins to distort until warm tears stream down my cheeks then I let out a small sigh “Why? What did you do to me?” Why do I have to make things more difficult for myself? The original plan was to have San trust me enough to let me leave his headquarters, but now that he's given me that permission I can't seem to leave. Why?

I try to compose myself and wipe my tears away with one hand while I keep my other hand on the steering wheel. In the distance I see the headquarters, and realize that most of the drive home I spent it worrying about him and questioning myself. When I arrive I walk inside headquarters I notice it seems empty, and by empty I mean too quiet. There's almost always someone in the building, whether it's Seonghwa drinking his tea in the lounge, Hongjoong on his computer in the server room, Wooyoung playing cards with Mingi, Yeosang and Yunho in the living room, even Jongho's occasional little breaks after he's been working all afternoon. So when I walk over to the lounge and notice it's completely empty my stomach feels like it flipped upside down. Where is everyone? I walk around the building and no one was there except of course the goons who keep watch on the building 24/7 now so I decide I'm going to just ask one of them as to why it's so empty because this is weird.

There’s a very tall and heavy build goon outside of San's office, he was so scary looking. Although his suit made him look a little less scary. "Um excuse me but where is everyone? Why is it so empty here?" Without flinching the man simply responds with "They're sorting out a few things they'll be back soon Miss y/n." I exhale then I run my fingers through my loosely curled hair "Okay yes, but where are they? What are they doing?" Keeping a straight face without even looking at me he responds "I'm sorry Miss y/n but that's all I know." I narrow my eyes in disbelief. Does he really think I’m that stupid? "That can't be, you have to know where they are. You were given orders by San not to tell me anything weren't you?" The man stands there looking straight ahead pretending he didn't hear me. I look at him for a few seconds more waiting if he'll say anything but he never does then I clench my jaw and say through my teeth "Fine, I'll take that as a yes." I scoff and walk away to my room, when I get there I throw myself onto my bed. I lay there in bed for a few minutes until I fall asleep.

A few hours later I hear commotion downstairs, it was San and the guys. ”I’m exhausted. Now all we need is to kill that old bastard.” Wooyoung comments. ”Well at least we’re done now, I thought it was going to take a lot longer to pull this off.” Hongjoong responds. I look over at the clock and it was around 4 am then I get up and hurriedly head downstairs and notice they’re all dressed in black like they were in a robbery of some sort. All the talking stops and becomes dead silent when everyone notices I’m in the room then Seonghwa walks towards me and nervously smiles “Hey, what are you doing here? Weren’t you on an errand?” I shrug with a straight face “I just got back a few hours ago, what about you guys? Why’s everyone dressed like this? Did I miss something?” San walks up to me and pats my back and smiles “Nothing, we just went to go handle something don’t worry about it.” I furrow my brows and look directly into San’s eyes “Let me guess you still went even after I told you not to…” San shakes his head and reassuringly pats my head “Didn’t we agree to forget about this? I said I wasn’t going to..” Seonghwa, MIngi, and Yunho look over at San with a very odd facial expression then Wooyoung says “You have your jobs and we have ours. San’s allowed to do what he wants it’s not like you’re his girlfriend.” I slowly nod and give Wooyoung and San a fake smile “Of course, you’re right. I was just wondering considering I've barely seen any of you at all I was just a bit worried.” Yeosang stares right at me with a deadpan face “Why do you even care? It’s not like we’re your friends.” Gosh, I know he’s right but wow that hurt. San's expression grows dark and Seonghwa puts his hand on Yeosang’s shoulder causing him to ease up a bit then I let out a frustrated sigh. Here we go again. “Well, maybe you might not be my friend but if you haven’t noticed there are other people I am friends with.” Wooyoung lets out a mocking laugh “Oh really? They’re your friends? If they were your friends they would have told you what was going on but clearly no one trusts you. You’ve only been here like what? 3 or 4 months and you already want to be let in on everything we do? Sounds just about right for an entitled cop.” San pushes Wooyoung and angrily says “Can you ever shut up?!” Yunho and Jongho rush over to separate them, Yunho holding San and Jongho holds Wooyoung respectively. As much as I’d love to be petty with Wooyoung and drop the bomb on San that his best friend thought it was a great idea to nearly kill me, I’ll keep that to myself. All in due time I guess. I don’t want to create anymore issues for these people. I bite the inside of my cheek trying to recover from that verbal jab. This is embarrassing, maybe Wooyoung is right they do have a right for not trusting me. Just because I gave them access to all these things doesn’t mean anything, for all they know I could be leading them to a trap so I don’t blame them for not trusting me. San angrily stares at Wooyoung "Oh come on San, calm down. I was just expressing everything in everyone's mind." Wooyoung fights back a smirk and San tries to reach over to him causing Yunho to tighten his grip on him.

"You don't speak for everyone here." Seonghwa speaks up looking directly at me reassuringly. Jongho speaks from behind Wooyoung "I agree with San and Seonghwa. You really don't speak for everyone here." Hongjoong sighs and nods "She's not so bad Wooyoung. You know this. You're just being hard headed and paranoid over this situation not to mention overtly territorial over San." Wooyoung lets out a laugh "Me paranoid?! Territorrial?! I know what these cops are capable of doing?! Did you guys forget what happened to San's father?! They easily get into your head and mess with it, they're master manipulators just like Lee. She's just like him and I'm only trying to protect him from things repeating themselves." There's a long silence, evreyone awkwardly looking at eachother. That's when I step in between San and Wooyoung causing evreyone's gaze to shift over to me. I slightly part my lips to speak but then a knot grows in my throat and press them shut. Maybe it's a good idea not to say anything right now and keep the peace. All this fighting isn't going to be worth it in the end. I can't change someone's mind whose already been made. Wooyoung can think anything he wants, I just don't want to hear it anymore. I turn my back to them and walk in the direction of my room.

In the distance I hear Yunho say “Come back just give her some time alone.” followed by fast paced footsteps until a few moments later I feel someone grab my wrist then I look back and it was San. He gently tugs my arm closer to him and I look down still slightly embarrassed for running off in a cowardly way. “y/n, wait… I’m sorry some of them haven’t warmed up to you but I promise it’s not your fault. I know you were just worried.” Beginning to feel drained I shake my head “I’m exhausted, we can talk tomorrow. Right now I just want to be alone.” San gently pushes back a few strands of hair “I understand, but please pay no attention to them especially Wooyoung. Nothing he says has an ounce of truth. I need you here with me, remember that.” I let go of San’s hand and walk towards my room leaving him behind me. When I walk into my room I lay there silently for a few moments until warm tears begin to sting my eyes. Once I get rid of Captain Lee I’m going to leave this place despite how deeply in love I am, or at least try to. I can’t keep putting myself through this.

The next morning while laying in bed I hear Wooyoung shouting in a panicked voice from outside in the hallway “San, they took down all security!” I sit up and quickly change clothes while listening closely to the commotion in the hallways, from what it sounds like someone took down the people guarding the HQ gates which is still kind of far considering we’re in the middle of nowhere. Suddenly San barges into my room with a slightly worried expression and says “y/n, the cops are on their way as we speak. Burn everything you can, everything on your computer wipe it and burn it too.” He hands me a gasoline can and some matches and pats my head “Everything will be okay I promise.” He smiles nervously and before he can walk away I pull on the sleeve of his rolled up dress shirt “Why are the cops coming? Is it because of what you guys were doing earlier today?” San’s smile disappears into a straight line and a serious expression then he runs his fingers through his hair “Please don’t get mad, I know you said you didn’t want me to follow through with breaking into the evidence room but I went ahead and did it anyway. I’m sorry. I genuinely thought everything went well I swear I made sure no one followed us but I guess I was wrong.”

I clench my free hand to the point my knuckles turn white. The silence between us lasted as a long instant, and while the anger welled up in my chest. He was looking at me with his gaze of expectation for me to simply forgive him and move on but as of right now I can’t. I won't. Instead it pisses me off because it seems like everything I tell him Is being ignored. Everything that’s happening right now was because of him but what do I expect from a criminal anyway? If anything I shouldn’t even be surprised, I should have known he was going to pull something like this. I raise my hand back and throw my hand forward as hard as I can, whipping it across his face. The crack of skin contacting skin echoed off the metal walls of my room. His face then turns back to me while he slowly runs his hand along his cheek and without another word I walk away. Part of me knows and is well aware I’m running away from my problems but at the moment I was more focused on escaping the police and wiping the computer of any evidence, I can’t get caught now. Nobody can find out I was kept alive.

I run into my work room and over to the computer and begin trying to reimage it to delete all the data on the hard drive then the screen shows a percentage bar and on the bottom of it read “Time Remaining: 35 minutes” I rub my forehead in frustration and grab the tower of the computer, toss it across the room a few times until it eventually splits open then I grab the can of gasoline and pour most of it on the motherboard and the hard drive. I pull out a match from the match box in my pocket and light it then flick it directly inside the computer case immediately igniting a huge fire. After burning a few papers and files I head down the hallway and I notice Yeosang looking out the window and calmly loading his gun while gazing into the distance then I realize he was looking at the various police cars, a helicopter and a few SWAT vehicles getting in position. Someone taps my shoulder and when I turn it was Mingi, he hands me a gun and says “Good luck” I nod taking the gun making sure there was ammo “Same to you.” Out of seemingly nowhere Yeosang begins to shoot causing me to slightly jump. San immediately runs out of his office with a gun in hand then he grabs my hand and leads me downstairs towards the back exit. “We’re going to head outside, there’s a secret escape route I built in the forest so I hope you have your walking shoes on because it’s going to be a long walk.” While he opens the door I say “Where’s everyone else?” He peaks outside and says “Mingi and Yeosang are going to buy us time. Everyone else is already in the forest.” Suddenly Wooyoung runs up behind us and pats San’s shoulder. “Everything is clear, lower associates were sent to distract the feds.” San nods and says “Did you turn on the self destruct device in the server room?” Wooyoung nods and smirks “Yep, everything is in order.” He steps outside in front of San and hides behind a car outside then motions us to follow behind him and just a few seconds after giving us the signal he motions us to stop and stay low. Then I hear a familiar voice.

“Let the girl go Choi San…” My stomach drops and I look up and see that In the helicopter was my partner Detective Chris and Captain Lee looking over his shoulder and right next to them was a sniper. I tightly squeeze his hand and San turns and looks at me “You’ll be okay, worst case is they’ll shoot me and not you.” Captain Lee speaks into the mega phone and says “Give it up son, you lost and it was all because you’re so reckless. You got so sloppy but don’t worry though I’ll clean the mess you left and I’ll start by shooting your little friend over here.” The red laser from the sniper’s gun points right at Wooyoung’s head “And then you.” Wooyoung looks at San and slightly nods and begins to run towards the forest. Almost instantly he gets shot in the chest instead from the sudden movement. His body falls limply on his side while he clutches onto his chest and struggles to breathe. My stomach drops and San lets out a scream calling out Wooyoung’s name with tears welling up in his eyes in anger “I’m going to kill you bastard!!” I clutch onto San's arm holding the gun in my other hand tightly with my eyes blurring with tears. Captain Lee smirks “You know what, I take it back. I won’t shoot you that’s letting you off easy...I want you to suffer by watching all your little mobster trash die.”

Seeing Wooyoung on the ground didn’t bring me satisfaction, instead I begin to cry at the sight of his breathing slowing down. Despite everything he’s done to me I couldn’t let San suffer again, as angry and pissed off as I am with him right now for putting us in this situation he doesn’t deserve to lose his bestfriend. Wooyoung needed help and fast but the only way to get him that help is if I turn myself in and somehow convince them to step back. I hate the idea that I won't have that anonymity anymore but this is a matter of life or death. If I can prevent someone from dying then I'm sure it'll be worth it no matter how painful it is. Suddenly, an idea pops up in my head, it was one I really didn't want to do but my only hope is that it all goes smoothly. I step in front of San with my back facing the helicopter which causes San to pull me closer to him into a hug. i gently press the barrel of the gun I have onto his stomach and he leans in close to my ear and whispers “What are you doing angel eyes? Whatever is going on in that little head of yours just stop, I don’t want you to get hurt. Please.” He sniffles burying his face in my hair trying to hide the fact that he was slightly teary eyed “Sannie, do you trust me?” He talks into my neck “Yes of course I trust you.” Staying still and keeping my voice calm I say “Keep your head down and shoot the sniper.” His voice goes an octave higher while keeping his head down buried into my neck and says “What?! Why?!” Keeping my calm I press the gun a little more onto his stomach “Do it. Shoot the sniper, trust me.” From the corner of my eye I see San’s arm go up and shoot in the sniper’s direction and as soon as he shoots I move just a bit to where the sniper’s bullet hits my right shoulder. I let out a scream in agonizing pain from the impact of the hot metal burning deep in my shoulder causes me to slightly jerk forward and drop the gun in my hand. I push San with the strength from the adrenaline coursing through my veins back into the building and I run towards the helicopter while I clutch onto my shoulder with tears in my eyes. This was all for nothing, so much for getting rid of this man from the shadows.

“There’s a bomb in there! Please Captain Lee, Chris we have to get out of here and remove everyone from the perimeter!” I look back and see San was no longer in the doorway, both Chris and Captain Lee look at me in awe then look at each other a few seconds. Eventually Chris lets down a ladder, helps me climb up and sit down. He sits next to me and looks over at Captain Lee “Captain, we have to take her to the hospital now!” I lay there growing more exhausted by the second due to blood loss until I manage to mutter “Captain, remove everyone from this perimeter now or we’re all going to die.” Chris looks at me and shakes his head while he keeps pressure on my wound “No, we can’t. We have a warrant for San’s arrest we can’t just let him escape” I grab Chris’s forearm and squeeze it from the pain and slight impatience “Trust me, I know he’s going to fuck up again this won’t be the last time. The bomb, please. We have to get out of here we don’t have much time left..” Chris turns to Captain Lee giving him a worried look then Captain Lee looks down at the building for a few moments that felt like an eternity and eventually looks over at me and Chris “Alright, but only because I trust Detective y/ln and know she’ll be able to catch this scum again.” He looks over at the pilot and says “Take us to the nearest hospital please.”

He speaks into his radio “We’ve got a code 4, change of plans, we found Detective y/n y/ln alive and well. Clear the area, over.” Is he really going to act like he didn’t leave me for dead? Is this a favor that later on he’s going to try to use as leverage to somehow blackmail me? A voice answers back on the radio “Disregarding, all units will return back to the station. Over.” I did it, but this was too easy… Luckily the server room self distructing came in handy so technically I wasn’t lying. Chri’s voice interrupts my thoughts and says “So you’re alive? I’m so glad you’re okay but how? I saw your dead body, how is that possible?” I struggle to breathe then I sit there focusing on my breaths until Captain Lee sits next to the seat where Chris and I were sitting and says “Detective Bang stop asking her questions, can’t you see she has a bullet inside her?” Chris’s voice slightly shakes a bit and says “I’m sorry sir, I’m just in shock she’s alive. I saw her charred body, her police badge, everything." I feel my eyes slowly begin to close, my consciousness felt like it was slipping away until everything goes dark.

When I wake up, I scan the room and realize I'm at the hospital. That’s when it all comes back to me, I hope San is okay and he managed to escape along with everyone else. Especially Wooyoung, I really hope he made it as well. I turn and notice Chris is asleep then In a low whisper I say “Chris?” Immediately I see Chris sit up and say “Oh hey y/ln you’re up, how are you feeling?” I nod my head slightly and look down at the IV needle in my hand while he proceeds to talk “I’m so glad it wasn't anything serious, I waited for you to wake up and ask if you wanted to see your family. I’m sure you miss them. I didn’t call them right away since I didn’t want you to be overwhelmed.” I shake my head and I say in a low voice “Don’t tell them I’m alive... Please.” Chris furrows his brows and gives me an odd look “Why not?” I stare off into the distance trying not to make eye contact with him “Promise me you won’t tell anyone especially Captain Lee.”

Chris leans in close to me then I lean in a bit more and whisper “I’m going to run away. I think it’s best for me to disappear considering AS is going after me and I don’t want my family to get killed.” I still can’t believe I’m lying through my teeth, who am I trying to save? San or me? Maybe both. Chris responds in a worried tone “It’s okay we can get you into the Witness Protection Program., you can get your life back.” I sigh and shake my head “No Chris, I’m doing this without the help of the government or the police.” Chris’s jaw tenses up and sits there looking at the ground for a few seconds. “Please, don’t tell anyone Chris. Promise me. You also have to make sure Captain Lee doesn’t release the news of me being alive to the media as this is going to make it even harder for me.” He lifts his gaze and meets my eyes and smiles “Of course I promise, we’re partners after all. We’re under oath to protect one another but promise, you’ll reach out to me occasionally. I just want to make sure you’re alive and well.” I nod then I sit up “Of course as long as you keep my existence a secret, but I do have one more thing to tell you and this one is much more serious because it’s about Captain Lee.” I hope he doesn’t tell him, but who else can I trust? Besides having someone to lean on he might be of help. He scrunches his face in curiosity then looks at the door “What about him? Is it something bad?” I bite the inside of my lip then I take a deep breath and blurt out “Captain Lee works for The Obsidian Dragon, Aurora Syndicate’s rival. I know this because I saw a whole file documenting him being associated with the mafia with pictures and everything.” Chris smirks holding in a small laugh “What? Are you sure that’s not the morphine talking? Why would he even work for the mafia to begin with?” Oh no, he’s asking questions. “He was a close friend of the Choi family, specifically The Phantom. He’s the reason that the whole shootout happened, he sold The Phantom’s location in exchange for money.” Chris’ hand reaches up to his mouth then says “Wait what? So he knew who was behind all of that? No wonder he would always breathe down our necks and constantly check the leads. How much was he given?” I tap my finger on my chin “50 grand if I remember correctly.” He blinks in shock then says “Okay wow that’s quite a bit of money. Yeah, I get why you’re in a hurry to hide. You know too much.” And I know so much more but I can’t tell you the rest.

“Yep..” There was a long silence but Chris clears his throat and says “So uh I have a question and it’s kind of random...Why was San holding you like that?” I raise my eyebrow “How so? What do you mean?” He rests his cheek on his hand “You know like weirdly close, like he had a thing for you. His hand around your waist.” I shrug and look out the window “I don’t know, maybe because he thought of me as an object more than a person. His meat shield.” Hopefully by telling him everything he wants to hear it’ll help me get him off my back, even if those said answers aren’t how I truly feel at all. He can’t find out I’m protecting San. From the corner of my eye I see Chris’s eyes move from looking at the door back to me “Did he ever do anything to you?” While looking out the window I run my finger along the IV tube “I don’t know I was drugged the majority of the time I was there, I can’t remember anything.” Chris puts his head down and rubs his forehead while gently tapping his foot on the floor “I swear to god y/n if he did anything to you…” I shake my head “Nah, despite how scary he is he never put his hands on me.” He raises an eyebrow “How do you know? You were drugged the whole time..” I look down at the dusty pink blanket on my body “Because he was the one who would make the beatings stop, besides I’m sure if he did anything to me my body would remember it. Instead I just remember that evreytime I was being beat he’d scold the person doing it.” That feeling, that pit in my stomach. My eyes well up with tears and Chris reaches for my hand “I’m sorry, I can’t talk about this. Just remembering it brings it all back” Chris nods giving me a reassuring hand squeeze “I’m sorry, we don’t have to talk about it anymore. You should rest, we'll talk about it later when you feel better.” He adjusts my pillow slightly so that I'm able to lay back a little bit again. "Thanks Chris, you should nap too. You look exhausted." He gives me a weak smile "I should be watching you. It's okay." I shake my head "I insist, it's kind of weird knowing you're just watching me sleep. A nap will most definitely not hurt you." He looks into the distance and slowly nods his head almost like he was thinking whether or not he should do it "Alright, if that makes you comfortable y/ln, just know if I hear the door open I will wake up.." I chuckle nervously "Yeah, I know" I hope he falls into a deep sleep otherwise I'm screwed.

A few hours later I wait until Chris is fast asleep in his seat then I begin taking the tubes and IV’s off of me and I put on my pants and shoes making sure I also take the phone San gave me. I look over and glance over at chris to make sure he was still asleep then I carefully open the door wide enough for me to slip out the hospital. Luckily because of the lack of use my phone still had battery so I enter a gas station restroom near the hospital and call San. I anxiously hold the phone to my ear while it rang a few times then on the other line San answers the phone and excitedly I say “San?!” In a surprised tone he answers “y/n?! Where are you? Are you okay?” Relieved to hear his voice again I say in a slight hushed tone “I’m at the gas station bathroom a few blocks from the hospital, I escaped but um what about Wooyoung, is he okay?” I anxiously brush my index finger over the smooth surface of the back of the phone while I wait for him to answer. “He’s fine now angel eyes. He got a pierced lung but he’ll be okay don’t worry.” I let out a sigh of relief and smile “I’m glad he’s okay. I’m glad your best friend is still here with you.” He exhales a bit before he admiringly says “He wouldn’t have been saved if it wasn’t for you and your quick thinking, I don’t know how you did it but I’m so thankful.” There’s a long silence then he continues “ Do you want me to send someone to pick you up?” Immediately I respond “Yes please, I want to get out of here before anyone notices I’m gone” San answers me reassuringly “Don’t worry I’ll send your location to the nearest Associate just hang tight okay? Their code word will be “snow”, I’ll see you in a bit angel eyes I love you.” I gently bite my lip " I love you too. Sannie” I hear San chuckle on the other side of the line and immediately after the line goes dead. I turn and see myself in the mirror and realize I was wearing my ugly hospital gown so I decide to turn it inside out and make a makeshift tie up shirt out of it.. After I finish I sit on the counter of the bathroom and not even 10 minutes later there’s a knock at the door. I stay silent until a deep voice says “Snow.” I jump off the counter and run to open the door and see an average build man with a buzz cut and tattoos and a dark blue track suit “y/n ?” I nod then he motions me to walk behind him and says “Come on, the boss asked me to take you where they’re in hiding.” I nod and follow him into a black average looking car with dark tinted windows, his car reeked of cigarettes and the seats were pretty worn out, a nice way to blend in. Smart.

After 2 hours of driving we arrive at a parking lot at an undisclosed area since I couldn't tell where exactly we were because of how dark it was, all I know it was far away from both Ulwood and Lulens but unlike the HQ last time this location was in a city. I get out of the car and follow the heavily tattooed man into a weird tattoo shop, the buzzing of the tattoo gun was the very first thing I hear when I enter. Everyone in there (which wasn’t alot) seemed to either not notice or not to care kind of like it was a regular occurrence here. So when we make it to the back I notice a black metal door with a key pad, and as soon as he punches in the code the door clicks open and he motions me to walk inside then closes the door behind me. Which reminds me of this tough pill to swallow, I am once again under San's mercy by coming back..

‧⋆ ✧˚₊‧⋆. ✧˚₊‧⋆‧‧⋆ ✧˚₊‧⋆. ✧˚₊‧⋆‧‧⋆ ✧˚₊‧⋆. ✧˚₊‧⋆‧‧⋆ ✧˚₊‧⋆.

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#ateez series #ateez angst #ateez x reader #choi san x reader #park seonghwa x reader #ateez imagine #mafia au #non idol au #slow burn #kpop imagines #ateez fanfic

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lilyoffandoms · 23 days

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WIP Wednesday

I think it’s Wednesday. Maybe. At this point the days are all blurring together haha

I’ll tag anyone that wants to share with me.

[Just a bit of venting and word vomit below (trigger for hospitals and medical stuff).]

Please share silly things with me because tbh, I could use the distraction. I’m sitting in yet another hospital in a city hours away from our house. Hoping these tests tells us something and it just sucks. It’s sucked for weeks on end now. Another day, another specialist, another test and in two weeks the procedures start unless these last rounds of tests tell us something. And quite frankly, exploratory procedures and surgeries are not the direction we want to go. And I’m tired. We are all tired and running in two hundred different directions.

Only three ish more hours here and then we can drive home *sigh*

#wip wednesday #personal #venting #cw medical #cw hospital

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stormyoceans · 5 months

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vv brainrot continuation:

dad, I missed you (mom, I missed you)

that cute "feels so good" sound (pink drink, I really want to try it)

hugs in bed are the same as after joob’s funeral

part 3/4 damn music from vice versa! aof, fuck, just admit everything already!

we got lost (and found our local glasshouse)

bonfires and songs with guitar

return of shirts (and they smell like each other. what could be more erotic)

interrupted kiss (okay, not because of bad breath)

the description of the sky is worthy of rawi’s palette the guys were right, this damn miss universe appeared before our eyes. lord, I'm not completely alive, monica. what about you? you know, maybe sea didn’t lie, and the remaining episodes won’t be sad even despite the breakup, bc the worst and most expected has already happened, and then everything will go easier. william's song brought me to tears, it's beautiful! and I liked day's version. its so romantic. but, forgive me, the bed scene could have been much better, the angles and amount of blur didn’t turn out very well, and, tbh, I expected more tactility from day, so that he could study mork’s body with his hands. it was so important to him, but they showed it to us very quickly and didn’t spend enough time on it. but I really liked that they were presented as switch, moving away from the nightmare clichés, it's great. the scene on the mountain is the pinnacle of it all, and lord knows the boys pulled it off superbly. it was so emotional. I crumbled like sand and don’t know how I’ll recover by next week. monica, share your brainrot, I’m sure I missed everything possible bc I was so busy in the bed scene.

SORRY PINKYBRAIN IM AFRAID IM GONNA BE COMPLETELY USELESS THIS TIME AROUND I SWEAR I EVEN TRIED TO REWATCH THE EPISODE TO PICK UP MORE PARALLELS BUT I ONLY ENDED UP SOBBING ON THE FLOOR WHILE CLUTCHING A BUNCH OF SCREENSHOTS TO MY CHEST

and you've already pointed out all of these moments but allow me to put them side by side anyway because!!!!!!!

[CHANTS] COMFORT SHIPS COMFORT SHIPS COMFORT SHIPS PORTRAYED BY THE MOST COMFORT BOYS JUST SO COMFORT SHAPED COMFORT SHIPS!!!!!!!!!

and even if these two moments can’t really be compared THEY INVENTED EMOTIONAL FOREHEAD TOUCHES TOO!!!!!!!!

my personal emotional devastation aside, tho, i do think there are some parallels to be drawn between episode 9 of vice versa and episode 9 of last twilight, between puen on an island finally accepting his life in the original universe and by the end "gaining sight" on who talay really is, and day on a mountain finally accepting going blind and having his last sight being mork. i also think it's interesting that in last twilight (the ost) at one point there's the line "my heart cherishes the memory of us" while in vice versa the very last line of friend credits' second movie is "though we aren't together tomorrow, you're always here in my memories". like idk if it's a reach but both shows are about seeing when you can't really see (not just in the literal physical sense) and acceptance and carrying this love that helped you through it all with you and i just think someone with a brain activity currently higher than my own could make some connections!!!!!!!!

i personally did like the sex scene (i've talked about it here a little if you're interested), but i think i also get what you mean. if it were for me we would definitely have gotten a 17 minutes long one take focused on day's hands as he traced every part of mork's body starting from his face and slowly making his way down to his feet. but at the same time i wonder if it would have made sense for their first time. i feel like day was already so preoccupied with his sight being almost gone that what he needed in that moment was to get lost in the feelings rather than commit mork's body to memory. and who knows, last twilight has already broken p’aof’s habit of having only a couple of kisses in his shows, maybe it will make him give us another intimate scene too!!!

#once again i apologize for being useless but this episode really destroyed any trace of sanity i had left ;;;;;;#if i ever catch some other parallels in the future i will definitely let you know!!!!#last twilight the series #vice versa #morkday #puentalay #m: ask

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internetgremlin-writes · 2 years

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Flat Spin [Chapter Three]

Summary/Prompt: Flat Spin

1. A spin in which an aircraft descends in tight circles whilst remaining almost horizontal

2. A state of agitation or panic [informal]

As the only female driver on the grid, you’re fighting a constant need to prove yourself, however sometimes the line between accepting help and hand-outs is more blurred than you think

Pairing: Carlos Sainz Jr x Female Reader

Warnings: Miami tbh

Word Count: 6,100

Me: I'm going to finish the prompt challenge before I post anything else

Me, less than a day later: I lied

This is the first of two chapters covering the Miami madness. Bit more world-building and some more cameos but stick with it, there's still plenty of Carlos

Previous Chapters: One || Two

The first thing you noticed about Miami was the heat. If you’d thought Imola was hot with its dry European spring, then Miami was a boiling swamp. It was the kind of hot that took your breath away from the second you stepped off the aeroplane, especially after spending the last week of April in England, where the weather had yet to catch up with the extended daylight hours.

The week at home had been just what you needed. Since joining F1 and the big paycheck lifestyle it would have made sense to buy your own place, but considering you grew up less than an hour’s drive away from the Aston Martin team’s base it seemed silly to move out of your parents’ home just for the sake of it. You were looking to buy your own apartment out of the country, however, for all the travelling you did you were yet to find anywhere that felt like it could be a good second home. Plus, you adored your family.

You spent your week avoiding team meetings as much as possible, but they didn’t seem too interested in getting a hold of you anyway. The day after you landed, your personal trainer, Jake, cornered you and set out an intensive exercise routine for the week. The two days you’d had off to recover from the crash were bothering him to no end, and he wanted you in the sports research unit at the local university doing temperature and oxygen tests. You filled the rest of the time with sports at his request. Swimming, squash and gym sessions made up the majority of your training. You’d also grown up around horses, and with your sister being an up and coming showjumper there was always plenty that needed exercising.

Between all the exercise you’d had packed into your schedule there wasn’t time for much else, but as always you managed to squeeze in a couple of visits with your best friend, lots of cuddles with the labradors and got permission to get your car onto the test track for a joyride. You had an Aston Martin, obviously, but nothing on the planet could compare to your baby. She was nothing special, but she was your first car; a 17th birthday present from your parents and you’d always been too sentimental to let her go even when you started driving supercars. She was a little hatchback, bright red with two white stripes and she screamed at 70 miles per hour but there was no greater joy than ragging her around the test track at Silverstone to set a new record time.

Usually, aside from work and the odd dinner with Seb, you didn’t think much about the other drivers when you were away from the track. But now there was Carlos. He’d kept up a near-constant stream of conversation, started by him insisting that you were to text him the second you were off the plane and safely home. And that was just the start of things. He wanted to know how you were, what you were doing and if you were having fun. He was still worried about your neck after the crash no matter how many times you told him you were fine. He told you all about his own days. He sent you pictures. Of his home cooking, of his vintage Ferrari, of the view from the balcony in his bedroom, and so many of his dog - a gorgeous wire haired pointer called Piñon. You had to admit that you loved it. Talking to Carlos was easy, it felt natural. It felt right. You could even cope with the comments from your parents, who had both noticed how much you were staring at your phone with a stupid grin, and how you would virtually dive for it when the notifications pinged.

By the time Friday rolled around you were itching to be in Miami. You already knew that Carlos was once again staying in the same hotel as you, as he’d called you as soon as he’d been given his accommodation information to compare with yours. He’d video called you, too, on Sunday night, so excited that he couldn’t wait another day to show you around the hotel complex and insisted on taking you on a walking tour via his phone.

The plane journey itself was almost torture, there was no way you could sleep when you were so excited and also terrified of the weekend ahead. You’d been studying the track information pack Aston Martin had sent you on the way over, and it was starting to look more and more interesting the further you looked into it, but the off-track theatrics seemed beyond ridiculous. You were hoping that the simpler corners and long straights were designed for a more dramatic race, with lots of overtaking action as that was where you excelled. Although the itinerary you’d been sent seemed a lot less exciting and you left that file unopened in favour of watching the virtual lap again.

As requested, you sent Carlos a text from the back of the taxi letting him know that you’d landed safely. He didn’t reply instantly and his Instagram story revealed he was out golfing with Lando and some of the other drivers, which was a relief to you because you were already feeling the effects of the jetlag and the fact that you hadn’t slept on the plane kick in. By the time you had checked into the hotel and gotten your bags up to the room your eyes were so heavy that you decided to go straight to bed despite it being only 7 pm.

You woke up the next morning after a solid sleep, feeling quite pleased with yourself. It was 8 am, so early but not extreme, and with the sun shining through your curtains you felt refreshed and ready to go. You decided put on your swimming costume under a pair of running shorts and a tank top so that you could head to the pool to get in some good laps after a light breakfast. You were examining the buffet spread, the first instance of the extravaganza that was Miami, when there was a tap on your shoulder and before you could turn around a familiar low voice was in your ear.

“Hola,”

“Carlos!” He was behind you, grinning at you like you were the sun. He immediately stepped forward and pulled you into a hug. You tensed for a second because you were in a very public place full of drivers and team staff, but then you felt him and you could smell his cologne and his hair was just brushing the side of your face and you could feel yourself caving into him the way you had the last time you’d seen him. You withdrew a little quickly, much to your body’s protest, but no one was really watching you and you had been informed that media and paparazzi were formally banned from your hotel complex. Your racing heart betrayed how secretly pleased you were with his affection.

“I wasn't expecting to be seeing you so early,” you made a false show of offence at his comment, but your smile gave you away.

“Just because the rest of you think sprinting down a beach is the best way to manage jetlag,” you thought there was something akin to pride in his eyes when you referenced the picture he'd posted yesterday. The one in which he had been very shirtless.

“So you saw it then,” it wasn't a question. He had that look on his face when he was probing someone, you’d seen it in some of the challenge videos. Eyebrows just pulled together, looking through those dark lashes, a lazy smile on his face that just flashed his teeth, but full attention on you. You could feel the heat rising in your face, you'd never felt so easily flustered in someone's presence before. You wracked your brain for a witty retort trying to break through the fog that seemed to descend over you when he was around, turning back to the breakfast buffet as you did to keep up with the moving queue.

“So you wanted me to see it?” He had nothing to say to that, but you didn't miss the knowing look he shot you as he followed you along the line of excessive food. You opted for a simple bowl of fruit and yoghurt, and a small pastry on the side as a treat, light enough that you would be fine in the pool shortly after. You started to turn towards the small table you'd spotted by a window which looked out over the seafront, but Carlos caught your attention.

“Come sit with us,” you wanted to question who ‘us’ was, but you already knew you weren't going to say no based on the way he was looking at you alone. You just knew he’d grown up using and abusing the puppy-dog eyes effect. So with a resigned grin and butterflies in your stomach, you followed him towards a table on the other side of the hall were a small group of your fellow drivers were sat.

Already sat at the table in the middle of the room were Lando, Charles, Pierre, Yuki and Alex. After a round of the usual ‘hellos’, ‘how are yous’ and ‘what did you do for the week offs’ the talk quickly turned to racing. You hadn't spent much time with the other drivers recently, various happenings keeping you occupied even in the paddock, and you found yourself realising how much you’d missed their antics.

“Did you see the itinerary for the week, Y/N?” Charles was asking you through a mouthful of syrupy pancakes. You shook your head.

“Not yet,” Lando rolled his eyes. He was usually pretty quiet around you despite you being only a year older than him, but today he seemed more comfortable in your presence.

“It’s shit,” Carlos flicked him on the arm with a quick scold. “What!?” Lando protested “It is shit. Most of us start today,”

“Today?”

“Yeah. There’s like TV shows filming and stuff. I have James Corden,” he didn't seem too excited about it. There was a nervous pressure in your chest, kicking yourself for not checking if you had any plans with the team today. You were used to not having any responsibilities until the media days, but in hindsight, it should have been obvious that with Maimi being described as the Superbowl of F1 the usual routine would be non-existent.

“And more conferences tomorrow,” Pierre added. Carlos nodded then, catching your gaze and holding eye contact with you as he spoke, enough to make you work hard not to squirm in your seat.

“We do one altogether. All the drivers and the principles,” that caught your attention

“That's like 30 people in one interview,” Carlos nodded at you, confirming you hadn’t heard him wrong.

“Yup,” Lando again, half-heartedly stirring his cereal as he spoke. “They're calling it the opening ceremony. D'you reckon I can drink this?” He held up his bowl to show Carlos the leftover milk. Carlos shook his head like an exasperated parent, but Lando grinned and lifted the bowl to his mouth anyway. You had to swallow the panic rising within you, really really wishing you had read the itinerary now. Pierre said something to Charles in French and you found yourself zoning out a little.

Media was something you were used to. Press appearances, interviews, screaming fans; it was all part of the job. So was ignoring the hateful comments and booing thrown your way. You could do it, you'd been trained from a young age to do so, but it didn't mean you enjoyed it, especially when your gender was thrown into the questioning. You were only just becoming comfortable enough with the other 19 drivers that the random-mix conferences and interviews you did were tolerable, but the idea of everyone and all the team principles on stage in front of a roaring crowd with people throwing questions left, right and centre sounded downright terrifying.

Carlos must have noticed you'd gone quiet because he gently elbowed you from where you were sitting beside him. He watched you with silent question, searching your face for an answer. You sent him a tight smile and shook your head, before quickly turning your attention to Charles who was dramatically describing his latest fail on the video game streams he did. Charles was one of the nicest people you knew and he was so funny, even if most of the time it was unintentional.

Yuki had already excused himself by the time you'd finished picking at the cinnamon roll you no longer wanted, so you didn't feel too guilty when you stood up to leave either. You wished everyone a good day, hoping to god that the way you mentioned you’d be going to check out the pool was casual. You didn’t dare look at Carlos as you said it.

You didn't settle until you were back at the hotel room in front of your iPad, scrolling through the itinerary Katie had sent you last week. Luckily you didn't have anything on in the morning, but you had two media sessions in the afternoon and a sponsorship dinner with Seb and Mike, your team principal. Your heart sank a little at realising you were already busy, but you tried not to let it bring you down too much and headed down to the pool.

The pool was huge, the same size as the competitive one you trained in at home, plus there were three separate jacuzzis dotted around the outside and a whole side dedicated to a spa unit with multiples of everything, including the biggest steam room you’d ever seen. You started with a swan dive into a freestyle stroke at a much faster pace than usual and continued without pause for at least half an hour or until your lungs were burning and you could feel yourself physically unable to push anymore.

You came up for air, trying to ignore the fact you were panting a little harder than you wanted to be and hoisted yourself out of the water and into one of the jacuzzis where you leaned with your head back as the warm, high-pressure water did its job. You were just closing your eyes, finally managing to dissipate enough of the stress of the morning to relax your muscles when you felt someone slide into the small pool with you.

There, sat opposite you, in full shirtless glory was Carlos. Your heart leapt. You’d seen all of the drivers shirtless before, courtesy of their PR teams and Instagram stories, not to mention some questionable paddock behaviour, and similarly, they had all seen you before in bikini tops and sports bras. Growing up in sport meant you were used to being surrounded by male athletes; well-toned bodies on display were something you were alarmingly comfortable with, bordering on normal at this point in your life. But there was something different about Carlos that made you feel like a teenager again. You had to work really hard not to stare at the way his tan skin pulled smooth over the muscle, his shoulders broad and chest neatly defined. His hair was wet, pushed off his forehead by a pair of goggles.

“Hey,” you murmured and he took that as his invitation to come closer, manoeuvring himself so he was sitting beside you. You were acutely aware of the arm he was resting on the poolside, right behind your back.

“Is everything alright?” You laughed humourlessly.

“Straight to the point, huh?” Carlos sent you a look that said he was being serious.

“You were quiet at breakfast,” you managed a sad smile, realising there was no point in trying to conceal anything from him.

“I didn’t look at my itinerary before breakfast,” You admitted, but he only raised an eyebrow at you, clearly waiting for you to get to the real problem. “I guess I’m not gonna get to take you out today,” Carlos leant forward as if he was about to touch your face, but he hesitated at the last moment and cast a look across the pool. Instead, the hand behind your back found your shoulder for a second. You instantly melted into the contact.

“That's why you're sad?” You couldn't identify the emotion in his voice. You nodded because it felt silly to admit it out loud, though Carlos’ expression was nothing but sincere.

“And this whole thing, it’s so much…everything,” he nodded, not quite present as his gaze shifted, blanky staring across the pool.

“It is a lot of attention… a lot of fans. That’s good,” you couldn’t help but adore his simplicity sometimes. Because when he said it like that, it sounded nothing less than pure positivity. Just a lot of fans itching to see their favourite people. You thanked Carlos and he looked at you like he was aching for a second, but before you could ask him if he was okay he stepped in once more. “It will be good. And we will do the second date, even if it’s not today,”

“So it was a date?” You only realised you’d said it out loud when Carlos’ eyebrows shot up into his hairline and he was looking at you like you’d just said something completely ridiculous and borderline offensive.

“Did you think I take everyone out like that? I don’t share dessert with Lando!” the image of Carlos and Lando sharing tiramisu was enough to break you from the mood you’d been in all morning and you found yourself dissolved into giggles and unable to recover for a moment. It didn’t help that Carlos knew what you were thinking and was reenacting the ‘What’s in the Box?’ video he’d done with Lando a few years ago that had involved a throwing a tiramisu around the studio by flicking water at you as if it was the cake. When you’d started to recover a little Carlos dipped his head a little closer, his voice lowering as he delivered his kill shot.

“Do you think I kiss anyone like that?” If he’d said anything else you wouldn’t have known because all you could hear was the blood rushing in your ears and the thudding of your heart. Carlos moved away quickly, and stretched casually, the intimate moment so quick that anyone else would have missed it.

“Well, no,” you admitted, not quite able to meet his eye because you knew your whole face was bright red and if you were being honest you didn’t know if you could stop yourself from throwing yourself at him right there and then. “Shit,” you’d caught sight of the clock in the background and realised that you only had an hour before you were supposed to be meeting Katie before your first media session.

“You have to go?”

“I have to go,” you started to stand up and hoist yourself out of the pool, but Carlos caught your elbow just before you did so.

“Hey, don’t worry okay? The media will be fine. And I promise you can take me on a date,” he winked, then hesitated for a moment “I’ve wanted the chance to take you out for a while. I’m not gonna miss it now,”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Your good mood from the moment with Carlos in the swimming pool lasted for all of five minutes of your meeting with Katie, by which point you realised that the appearances you’d been scheduled were so far beyond your usual scope of work. Like Lando had said at breakfast, your day wasn’t the usual press conferences and interviews, but instead, you were being shuttled between sets like some kind of movie star. You had appearances with two-late night show hosts who wanted bits and interviews, a pre-recorded breakfast show and your own team PR and Grill the Grid.

The bits that involved you being at the track were better. One of the late-night show hosts had planned for you to take him out on a fast lap in an Aston Martin, the man beside you was supposed to be asking you interview questions but you were throwing the car so aggressively around the track that he couldn’t do anything other than grip onto his seat and grit his teeth. Perhaps you’d been trying to prove a point because he had flippantly said he was going to be fine because you were driving the lap, but even so, you could see the mischievous glint in Seb’s eyes when you pulled back into the pit lane with a very pale and sweaty celebrity who needed to lie down for a few minutes.

The next one wanted you and Seb to do a doughnut challenge, they’d originally wanted it to be in the F1 cars but the engineers refused point-blank so you were back in the very sporty road car. It was all good fun until the show host had you teach him how to do a doughnut and you had to grab the wheel before he sent the pair of you into a wall and wrecked the car.

Finally, you found yourself doing something more normal with a ‘Mr and Mrs’ challenge which you and Seb aced for the breakfast show and filmed a silly PR video for Aston Martin that involved the pair of you in a complex game of Miami themed charades. Whilst you were still in your race suit you were also sent off to go and film quiz sections for the F1 channel about American sports teams, in which you did horrifically before you were released for a short lunch break.

Then you were collected by Katie and it was time for the studios. You were handed a pressed polo shirt and a pair of white jeans to change into and then you were forced into hair and makeup chairs. The breakfast show was first and they were interviewing you and Seb as a pair. You were glad it was first because Seb’s offhanded comment about just how much longer you were being kept in hair and makeup than him had you in and out much quicker in your following solo sessions.

The interview with Seb was fairly easy, very much in familiar territory and the pair of you were asked fairly standard questions that you’d answered a hundred times before. The solo interviews you did for the late-night shows were also fine, but they weren’t fun and they weren’t really about the race. You answered the repetitive set of questions about what it’s like being a woman in a male-dominated sport, and how is it different for you, and who’s the most attractive driver, and have you ever done x, y or z and so on. You stayed polite, said your scripted jokes and gave political non-answers to most questions. For a final ‘game’ you found yourself identifying the driver based on their shirtless torsos, in which you deliberately answered even the obvious ones wrong to make a point that you didn’t look for one and that it didn’t matter for another. You did recognise Carlos instantly, but that didn’t need to be mentioned.

You barely had time to recover before you were being changed into a green dress, your hair curled and even more makeup applied before you were sent out to meet Seb, who looked equally uncomfortable in his white suit for the sponsor dinner.

The sponsors were several big American investors who wanted to know exactly what their money was getting. Seb and Mike did a great job of talking technical, and as much as you tried your best to interject with your own analysis of the car’s performance and where you could use the money to improve, by the fourth time you were called sweetheart you resigned yourself to flirting with rich old men, flashing them your best doe eyes and discussing things like marketing and colour schemes and how you really thought you might win the championship this year with the support of all the team. If you weren’t getting progressively drunk on free wine, and if your career didn’t depend on your behaviour, you would have told them exactly where they could shove their ‘sweethearts’.

It was a stuffy Michelin star restaurant, the kind that you thought only really existed in movies, with tiny plates of food that was far too fancy to actually be enjoyable and a terrible piano ambience. You found your mind wandering off mid-meal, prodding what you had been told was ‘escargot’ with your fork and thinking that the food Carlos had ordered in that tiny Italian place was so much better. Seb didn’t seem to enjoy the food much either, and by the end of the night the pair of you were trying to contain yourselves from giving away the fact you were playing a silent game of ‘Boomer Bingo’. So far Seb was winning, but only because he kept repeating global warming and they kept calling it a myth.

By the time you’d managed two dessert courses, a cheese course and two rounds of coffee you were uncomfortably full and exhausted. You virtually collapsed into the back of the car taking you back to the hotel with Katie, not listening to a word of the glowing praise she was giving you for how well you performed and how much the sponsors loved you. She said goodbye to you in the hotel lobby and the second she was out of sight you ripped off the heels you’d been in and padded barefoot to the elevators. Carlos had texted you an hour ago to see if you were done and wanted a nightcap, but you were so full of obscenely fancy food and heavy wine that you couldn’t face anything else. It was nearing midnight, and he hadn’t replied to your complaint written from the ladies' bathroom, so you figured he’d gone to sleep waiting for you to get back to him.

The next morning’s breakfast was equally chaotic. The hotel restaurant was full to bursting point with seemingly everyone staying there trying to cram in a meal at the same time. You tried to spot Carlos in the crowd to see if you could catch his eye and non-verbally apologise for missing him last night, but in the sea of team colours you couldn’t single him out. You ended up grabbing whatever you could reach first from the buffet and quickly retreating to your room, the wine-induced headache and early morning combination not setting you up for socialising with a select few people, let alone half of Miami.

The saving grace of the day was that it was much more relaxed. You were on driver press conferences which was much more familiar territory, although you hated how suddenly you were checking any panel for a Ferrari name. You had Charles in one of them, which was nice but he wasn’t Carlos, who you didn’t see for the entire day. You spent your down hours hiding out in the back of Aston Martin, downing water and going over statistics with your team.

The closer you got to the opening ceremony the more your stomach was starting to knot about it. You were once again put into a team polo and had your hair perfectly positioned under your driver cap. You stood with Sebastian and Mike to complete the green trio in the lineup backstage. Just in front of you were Lando and the McLaren team, he looked as nervous as you were, staring off into space and not reacting to anything around him.

You could hear the crowd roaring ahead of you, the presenters warming them up which seemed to be an easy job judging by the raucous noise. The teams were called up one by one and you could feel your heart thudding in your ears as you reached the bottom of the stairs to the stage. You couldn't hear your name being announced over the roar of the crowd, instead, relying on the stage hand who was signalling you to make your way up with Seb and Mike behind you. You took a shaky breath and stepped forward into the bright artificial lights. You couldn't see the crowd initially, but the wall of noise that hit you was staggering. It took everything in you to remember to pull your best smile onto your face and lift your arm high in the air with a confident wave as you strode across the stage to take your place beside Lando, who looked positively sick. Sebastian joined you and you could see in the look he gave you that he too was taken aback by the noise.

It was so loud you could barely hear the presenters or the other drivers but you got the gist of what was going on. They were working down the line of teams, introducing you again and then opening up to questions. From what you could gather the questions were not only coming from Press as you were used to, but it seemed to be open to the VIP ticket holders circle. This is going to be fun, you thought to yourself - because there was a reason you always avoided fan questions.

"And now, from Astin Martin, it's the green machines, in the fight for her first championship Y/N Y/L/N and four-time world champion legend Sebastian Vettel!" You waved again, a huge smile on your face that was almost genuine because, despite the near consistent sea of red, black and orange caps, the roar was equally loud for your team as it had been for the top names. You were struggling to see what was going on, but the loud echo of a poor quality mic and your name was enough to let you know that your question time had started.

“How do you manage your hair in the helmet?” You couldn't help the slightly shocked laugh, but if you were being honest it was a pretty tame question and you didn’t mind answering it.

“It's not really a problem. I just tie it back low and then my baklava covers it the same as anyone else,” you didn't have time to breathe before someone else was shouting at you.

“As the only woman on the grid this year, how do you manage your workout routine to keep up with the other drivers?” That was a sore spot, you’d had plenty of comments, especially in the early days, blaming your ‘smaller’ muscle mass on the reason you weren’t scoring points as regularly as the world sodding champion.

“I don't think it's any different to anyone else. I have a dietician and my personal trainer too, and we work hard to make sure I'm as fit and healthy as I can be. As you can see in my performance, I’m having no problems handling the car and that’s all that matters,” you decided to jokingly flex your bicep as if to prove your point, and partly to try and dissipate some of the nervous energy building within you.

“Hey, Y/N, has your relationship with Carlos Sainz changed following the crash in Imola? Did you apologise?” You swallowed hard, feeling a blush threatening to creep its way up your neck. You hoped it could be blamed on the heat as you took a steadying breath to prepare your answer.

“Carlos has been a good friend since my rookie year. I think it was pretty clear the incident last weekend was my fault, and I apologised instantly. You know, these things happen in racing and I like to think he's not holding it against me,” you leaned forward to glance down the rows to where the Ferrari team were stood, separated from you by the Red Bulls. You were looking for Carlos, in truth to see if your answer had been good enough for him. You weren't exactly about to announce he'd sat in your room for hours that night and taken you on a date the next day.

“I forgave her,” he added with his signature grin and a wink, which made the entire audience erupt into screams that took a minute to settle for the next question. You were asked a little about your friendship with Seb and some slightly more relevant questions, which you didn't mind quite so much, and you were just starting to settle into a rapport with the crowd.

“Y/N, how do you balance your love life and racing?” Apparently admitting you were starting to enjoy yourself was a mistake.

“Is that a question you'd ask any of the other drivers here or just me because I'm a woman?” You shot back, unable to keep the bite out of your tone. You weren't going to speak further on the topic but you felt Mike dig subtly into your back and you knew you had no choice. Pleasing the crowd in Miami had to come first. “Right now I'm focused on my racing. I'm in a strong position for this season and I'm pushing for those wins. I-” you were cut off by someone without a mic, who shouted very loudly.

“Ay, Mamí, you single!?”

You didn't even have time to process what happened because Carlos had picked up his microphone again. He said something pretty short, in what must have been Spanish because you had no idea what he said but his tone was deadly serious. About half the crowd started to respond with an uncomfortable laugh, but then the presenter was stepping in and the interviews were being moved on to the McLarens beside you.

You were lost for the rest of the ceremony, unable to understand the quick encounter that had so abruptly ended your time. And after another hour of smiling and waving through confetti and fireworks and throwing your merch into the crowd you were relieved to be finally shepherded off the stage as a DJ began a set and it was flooded with celebrities. After getting the all-clear from Mike that there were no further expectations from you, you managed to slip back away from the stage. You were headed to the Aston Martin hospitality zone, hoping that you could sit quietly in catering and have a minute to gather yourself. What you hadn't noticed was someone had followed you in.

Carlos made you jump when he grabbed your arm and span you around to face him, perhaps a little harder than necessary. His eyes were positively blazing and his jaw was set firm.

“Are you okay?” You managed to extract yourself from his grip, more than a little bewildered.

“What? Yeah, I’m fine,” you tossed him a bottle of water from the fridge and grabbed yourself one. Carlos caught it with ease but didn't move to open it.

“That guy. Those questions,” you shrugged, yes it had been bad, but you’d faced worse. He should hear some of the things the Netflix team asked you for Drive to Survive.

“It's fine. I get asked shit like that all the time, I should have known it'd be worse in Miami. I normally avoid tabloid looking people is all. And that guy was just heckling-”

“He called you Mamí,”

“And? I'm called Maneater most of the time,” Carlos sighed and dragged a hand through his hair, clearly frustrated. For the first time in your career, you thought that maybe Maneater wasn’t as funny of a nickname as you’d always believed.

“It means sexy. It's- you don't say it like that. You can call it to someone in sex or when you know her very well,” the penny finally dropped for you. It wasn't just a gross comment, you'd been properly catcalled on live television in front of how many millions of people. Your mind was racing, the tremble returning to your hands as you struggled to process the new information.

“What did you say to him?” Your voice was small. Any humour you'd managed to find in the opening ceremony was completely gone.

“Show some respect,” you nodded, a silent thanks on your lips. You felt oddly empty over the whole thing. You were shocked, but you weren’t angry, you didn’t want to cry. You were just done. The thought of going back to the ceremony or even sticking around in the paddock for a minute longer made you nauseous.

“I’m getting a headache,” it wasn't entirely a lie, “ I think I'm just gonna head back to the hotel and have an early night," Carlos nodded in response, he didn’t offer or even push to go back with you. You weren’t sure if you were grateful or not. You put a hand on his shoulder for a second to let him know you weren't angry with him. Then left him in his bright red shirt surrounded by the dark green livery of Aston Martin.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter Four

Check out my Masterlist here!

The moral of this story is don't ask me for when something is being published because I will give you a very honest answer and then do the exact opposite. Always

Anyway since I started part one I realised I wanted to make this into a proper story so I do apologise that this chapter is a lot more dedicated to building Y/N up and setting the scene. But we're starting to build up to the good stuff now!

As per usual full disclaimers are in the masterlist but its FICTION. I don't know Carlos, I'm only expanding on and taking inspiration from what I see in his content. And for all F1 content it is INSPIRATION not ACCURACY. This would be boring af if it was just a blow by blow account of every race weekend

Other than that not much else to say. Hope you guys enjoyed reading this one because it's been my fave chapter to write so far with all the stuff going on!!

Rage and Love

Le Gremlin <3

Forever Tags: @graysonmalfoy @inumorph @lokilvrr @bookgirlunicorn @thinkwriteexpress @somanydifferentthings @faeriedelalune-blog @elthanin-sive-blog-blog @ispendmoretimehere-blog @drakesfiance @allonesharingonebreath @storm-howlett @daneel-the-sister-of-castiel @groovy-lady @skadivalholl @govazz @its-astrotea-love

Carlos/F1 Tags: @imreallylosingit @serialkillertbh @sticksdoesart @lovingroscoee @agentsoybean @piceous21 @whosays75 @xscorpioxmoon @miahelen @j-brielmalfoy @honeybadger03 @teapartydreams @guccicloudz @nochillnel @timetoracewrites @rmaddens @ruledchaos @imreallylosingit @isabellabrodar @ccloaned @ihearttheoriginals

#carlos sainz #carlos sainz jr #carlos sainz x reader #carlos sainz fanfic #carlos sainz imagine #formula one #f1 #sebastian vettel #lando norris #charles lecrelc

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dameronscopilot · 2 years

Note

Hi!! Request for kinktober 😳 Santi + spit kink + “you look good with my hands around your throat”

Hard for me to pick tbh but LETS GO WITH IT LOL

(Coming in hot with a gift for you. Xoxoxo)

Agitation

Santiago “Pope” Garcia x f!reader

Summary: After Santiago left for Colombia, the hurt you felt eventually bled into anger as the years passed. And when he comes back, an offer for a mission dancing on the tip of his tongue, those feelings of resentment are all that you can feel.

… but the two of you always had an unconventional way of working through your anger.

Word Count: 1.8k

Rating: 18+ EXPLICIT

Content: NSFW, smut, unprotected p in v, rough sex, spit kink, praise kink, dirty talk, thigh riding, choking kink, angst, angry(ish) sex, wall sex

MASTERLIST || MORE KINKTOBER

You should have known he would try to pull some shit like this.

When Santiago Garcia finally deigned to grace you and the boys with his presence in your quaint Florida town, your first instinct was to slam the door to your apartment in his face.

Well, you’d tried, but he’d been too quick, blocking the motion by swiftly notching his booted foot in the doorway.

And while perhaps you expected that the others might have been able to offer far warmer greetings for the man whose rich black curls were now streaked with gray hairs to mark the passage of time, you couldn’t extend the same hospitality. Not after years spent tangled between sheets with him, chasing a reprieve from your shared trauma from Delta Force with wandering hands and hungry mouths. Not after he left you to pick up the rest of the pieces alone when he decided he’d rather chase the rest of his demons head on, oceans away.

You couldn’t blame him, not really. All five of you were irreversibly fucked up after the things you’d seen over the years, the things you’d done. Each of the boys found their own ways to numb the pain—Will’s motivational speaking, Benny’s dedication to the ring, Frankie’s addiction.

Knowing Santiago as well as you did, it didn’t surprise you that he’d jumped back in headfirst by taking on a gig as a private military advisor. He was always far too restless to stay still, too focused and determined for the quiet, easy life you’d settled into after you’d hung up your fatigues for the last time.

It had been nothing more than a pipe dream hoping that, somehow, the place you’d painstakingly carved out in your heart for Santiago would be enough for him to call home once and for all.

As the weeks following his absence blurred into years, your pain bled into anger and resentment. Though he did his best to stay in contact with all of you from time to time, you eventually stopped returning his calls.

So it was nothing short of a small miracle when you stepped finally stepped aside and let him in, eyes narrowed in suspicion as his gaze carefully cataloged the changes to your apartment since he’s last set foot in it. When a near imperceptible shudder ran through his body as his eyes raked over the coat hook, where’d you’d angrily thrown his jacket at him before telling him not to bother coming back for the last time, you decided you’d give him five minutes. No less, no more.

Five minutes somehow turned into a hometown tour when you begrudgingly joined him as he made the rounds to speak with the others, far too curious to see if anyone else would laugh in his face like you did at the ridiculous idea he’d come to table with you all.

Now, packed into the back seat of an SUV in fucking South America as you and the boys headed back to your lodgings for the evening—a nondescript motel off the beaten path—you were furious. Because of course Santiago would drag you all the way here only to drop a bomb in your laps over drinks. This was a fucking suicide mission.

And when Santiago decided he had a deathwish by briskly following you into your room when you returned, you shouted exactly that in his face, hands thrown in the air in frustration.

“I can’t fucking believe you tricked us all into coming over here,” you seethed.

“Would you have said yes if I’d been entirely honest upfront?” he asked calmly.

“Absolutely not.”

He crossed his arms. “Exactly.”

“Fuck you, Pope.”

He flinched as you spat the nickname at him condescendingly. You never called him that.

“Look, I saw on Facebook…I thought you’d want the money to help your sister…” he began.

“Don’t you fucking dare bring her into this,” you growled.

He put his hands up in the air. “Sorry, sorry. I just…”

You took a step closer to him, the toes of your shoes bumping against his boots. “You just what, Santiago?”

“I just want the team back together!”

Poking him square in the chest, you snarled, “You should have thought of that before you left, asshole.”

You were pleased to see anger begin to crawl through the cracks of his calm façade. “Don’t you dare fucking make this about us. You told me to go. I asked you to come with me. This is bigger than us now. We all need that money, and we can’t do this without you. We need you. I need you.”

He pushed closer to you as he spoke, and you felt the solid press of the wall behind you as you took half a step backward. A fresh wave of anger flared in your gut at the last three words.

Leaning close, you whispered cruelly in his ear. “Is that what you tell all the pretty little informants that you fuck?”

A chuckle rumbled in Santiago’s throat—it was a deep, lovely sound, one that reminded you of better days. Easier days. It made something inside of you ache, something nestled deep down in a long-forgotten corner. “Sure, if that’s what you really think of me.”

Something flared in his eyes as you met his gaze, your noses nearly brushing. “Even if I did want the money, I’m not doing it.”

He tilted his head slightly to the side, assessing you. “And why’s that?”

“Because that’s my way of saying fuck you, Santiago,” you replied evenly.

A disbelieving laugh fell from his lips. “So now it’s spite? You’re going to stand here and be a fucking brat just to piss me off?”

“Some things never change,” you said with a patronizing smile. For all that you’d worked side-by-side like well-oiled machine back in your days as operatives, you’d also developed a habit of riling up the unshakable Santiago when given the chance. As the group’s de facto leader, you felt that sometimes he needed to be taken down a peg. Or five.

But you also did it because the two of you had your own way of working through your anger. A way that neither of you could get enough of.

Santi’s eyes briefly flicked down to your lips, and you knew he was remembering the same thing. Snorting quietly, he brushed his thumb along the curve of your jaw.

“Hm. I thought you seemed tense. Those Florida boys just not cutting it for you?” he asked calmly.

A lick of heat curled in your abdomen at the implication. You shrugged, a challenge in your eyes. “Not quite.”

As his thumb reached your mouth, he paused, putting pressure against your bottom lip. “I guess I can’t blame them. You’re such a sweet girl. Nobody would know how goddamn dirty you are when the lights go out.”

Your lips parted slightly, and you felt as he shifted, firmly placing his thigh between your legs.

It was true, nobody would know.

But Santiago? Oh, he knew.

And right now you were far too fucking keyed up to ignore the spark of arousal that shivered up your spine as his thick, muscled thigh pressed up against your hot core.

When you didn’t respond, he said, “Tell me I’m wrong,” increasing the pressure.

With a whine, you panted out, “You’re not.”

“Mhm,” he affirmed, slipping his pointer finger into your mouth as you bucked your hips forward.

You opened your mouth wider for him, your tongue automatically swirling around his fingers while you began to suck on them. And no longer able to deny yourself of the pleasurable friction of the seam of your pants pressing against your cunt, you began to ride Santiago’s thigh.

“That’s it. Good girl,” he murmured, pushing his digits in so deep that you nearly gagged, drool sliding out past your lips.

As you continued to chase your rising, cresting waves of pleasure on his leg, Santi’s other hand slid across your collarbone, eventually making its way to your neck. It didn’t matter how many years had passed, he certainly remembered exactly what you liked.

His fingers curled, squeezing down just enough to pull you toward a dizzy edge, and you keened, fisting a hand in the front of his shirt as you felt your slick arousal soak through your pants and into his.

“You always looked so good with my hands around your throat,” he said admiringly. “Now open wider for me.”

You let your jaw relax as he removed his fingers, only to lean forward and spit roughly into your mouth.

“Fuck, Santi…” you whined as he cupped the back of your head after you swallowed and licked your lips. He leaned forward to kiss you, but you tilted your chin upward, lips falling open again.

Caressing your jaw with callused fingers, he pressed a soft kiss to your bottom lip before pulling back and spitting in your mouth again.

You surged forward and slotted your mouths together in a kiss, biting his lip as you reached down and cupped the throbbing erection that was straining against the confines of his jeans. He let out a husky groan, his forehead falling against yours.

Sliding off of his knee, your fingers fumbled with your pants as you made quick work of shoving them down along with your underwear. You kicked them out of the way, and Santi’s own pants and boxers soon came to rest beside them.

Santi went to scoop you up into his arms, holding you up against the wall, and you protested, “Your knees—“

“I don’t give a shit about my knees,” he growled, burying his thick cock in your dripping cunt with a single thrust.

You cried out in pleasure as he stretched you open, one hand threading into his curls as your lips desperately sought his out for a sloppy, needy kiss.

Santi’s hips snapped rhythmically up into yours as he fucked you against the wall, both of you moaning into one another’s mouths as he drug his shaft in and out of your tight walls.

He deepened the kiss, wrapping his tongue around yours, and your cunt squelched wetly as he penetrated you repeatedly, his shaft soaked with the wet juices of your arousal.

“Santi!” you cried out once your rapidly building dam of pleasure erupted in a gushing release, your legs trembling as you tightened your grip on him and rode out your climax.

“So fucking pretty when you come on my cock,” Santi breathed out, pulling off of the wall and carrying you toward the bed.

He laid you down on the edge of the mattress and continued to pound into your dripping entrance until his own release approached. You watched as Santi’s posture stiffened, and you lifted up your shirt up just as he pulled his cock out of you, fisting himself hard. You slid off the bed slightly to get closer to him, arching forward, and the hot ropes of cum that spilled from his cock streaked across your naked breasts.

Once his shaft was spent, he leaned down, cupping your face in both hands and kissing you hard.

He pulled away after a beat, a mischievous look crossing his features as he nodded in the direction of the shower.

“So…I heard this place has decent water pressure. Let me clean you up?”

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