#luckily this week i have a summer job ive been doing and that really helped pull me out of my depressive introspective slump | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

svtts · 5 years

Text

camp leader!jae x camp leader!fem reader

→ category: angst/fluff

→ topic: you and jae had been best friends since your first year at camp when you were five. however, you'd both caught feelings for eachother and your first summer being camp leaders seemed to aid in getting you together.

→ warnings: none

summer 2019! the year you’d finally be a camp leader instead of a camper. everything was so exciting, you’d trained all year round for this.

there were ten camp leaders, five female and five male. lucky for you, you were the leader of the bear-cub girl group, which consisted of five girls, all aged 7-14 and you loved them.

a trait that you had acquired after endless years at camp was being competitive, the five girls being equally as competitive as you. especially against bear-cub boy group leader, jae. i mean, it wasn’t your fault that he always seemed to do well in everything effortlessly!

[♫] love by lana del rey

—‘the world is yours and you can’t refuse it.’

the constant teasing, small yet noticeable skinship and giggles from both of you made it pretty damn obvious you were into eachother.

almost every camper, leader and parent could see the chemistry between the both of you. however, you were both too dense to realise.

you’d gotten up promptly, getting ready before sliding your beat-up doc martens on and strolling out of your shared hut, with the other female leaders.

jae was standing on the porch, as he always does, waiting for you.

‘good morning sunshine.’ he says, poking your side as you laugh lightly.

‘good morning jae.’ you tell him as you head to the two identical bear-cub huts opposite eachother, discussing the plan for the day.

‘rise and shine girlies.’ you shouted, knocking on the door lightly as jae said the same, swapping girlies with uglies instead. ‘fifteen minutes until breakfast.’

you plopped down next to jae on the grass outside the huts. as he lied down, the sun reflected on his fair skin, making his plump pink lips highlighted. you studied his face before he spoke out.

‘are you wearing suncream? it’s already warm and you’ll get burnt soon.’ he says, opening his eyes to look at you. he looked at you closely, drawing your features with his eyes, although he wanted to run his fingers along your cheeks.

‘i knew there was something i forgot.’ you cursed silently, standing up.

‘do you have some?’ he questioned, leaning up.

‘i should.’ you answer him.

‘you’re so dumb, how can someone as pale as you forget to put suncream on.’ he laughs and you pout, kicking him lightly.

‘why can’t they see that they’re basically in love?’ eunsol said, peeking out of the window, one of the other girls next to her, as they cooed at jae and you.

‘we should get them to date.’ the older one, yeri, suggested. ‘i’m sure the boys would help us.’

[♫] brooklyn baby by lana del rey

iii

—‘i think i’m too cool to know you, you say i’m like the ice i freeze.’

as you rushed into the canteen, freshly covered in factor 40 suncream, you scan the hall for jae and the ten kids.

it doesn’t take long before you hear his loud yet, cute laugh. making your way to the back table where all of them are seated, a space left next to jae for you.

‘look! here’s a sun-protected _______.’ jae says, the ten kids all laughing lightly.

‘hey! i just wanted to make sure you were all awake!’ you exclaimed, looking at the five girls that were eating and whispering to the other boys.

‘i got your food.’ jae tells you, giving you your usual breakfast, before continuing to eat his.

‘thank you.’ you say, beginning to eat. ‘why are they all whispering so much today?’

‘i have no idea. hey! are you keeping secrets from us?’ jae pouted and a small smile played on your lips as you watched him.

ever since you were young, you’d be coming to summer camp. you and jae met on your first year due to being in the same group and ever since you’d be best friends; all through your early teenage years, to training and getting qualifications to now.

‘see.’ the older girl whispered to the older boy, both of them coming up with a plan to get the both of you together.

‘i’ll talk to jae, you talk to ______. maybe we can get one of them to admit to us that they like eachother.’ he suggests and she nods before telling the others.

after a silly breakfast, as jae began to joke with the smallest camper, asking her to do his hair as she shook her head laughing.

‘den building huh?’ you said, walking next to jae and one of the younger boys.

‘ah! we’re gonna be so good at this!’ jae squeals enthusiastically, high fiving the boy at your side.

‘hey! we’re supposed to be a whole team.’ you whine and jae messes up your hair playfully.

‘girls vs. boys.’ he says as you begin to enter the woods, keeping a count on the kids you have with you.

‘i mean, if you want to play like that.’ you shrug, walking faster than jae, grabbing the smaller girls hand. ‘pick a spot for us to make dens missy.’

the littlest waddles to a few trees, many logs and leaves on the floor near them. ‘here!’

‘so, we’ll have here and, you can have the ones parallel to us.’ you offer to boys.

‘perfect!’ one of the five boys says enthusiastically.

‘ok, we have forty-five minutes. starting,’ jae pauses momentarily to look at his phone. ‘now!’

immediately, a group meeting is called where the girls decide that you and the oldest, yeri, will walk around looking for branches and logs big enough, the middle three, chaeyoung, eunsol and jungeun, with work on constructing it and the youngest, haejin , will pick flowers from the middle of the two dens for decoration.

‘jae, are you alright to stay here whilst we gather some stuff.’ you ask, and he nods pointing finger guns at you whilst winking.

you lightly blush at his foolishness before yeri grabs your hand, dragging you into the he woods.

‘so, jae?’ she wiggles her eyebrows.

‘what do you mean?’ you answer as you bend over to brush some leaves off a log.

‘i mean, it’s pretty obvious you like him.’ she spills out and you pause.

‘is it that obvious?’ you say, looking up at her as she laughs and nods. ‘i mean, it’s just the little things, like the caring for me and the play-fullness and the-‘

‘as much as i would adore to hear you awe over jae, we need to get a plan in action.’ she says.

‘no we do not.’ you answer back, picking up a log as she copies. grabbing a few extra as well.

‘come on! you can’t just hide behind your feelings. live a little!’ she suggests and you shake your head.

‘i’m pretty sure i don’t want to get humiliated by being turnt down by my colleague and best friend.’ you tell her as you both begin to head back.

‘oh my gosh, _______, you’re so dense! he likes you too! it’s so obvious.’ she tells you exaggeratedly.

‘yeah and pigs can fly.’ you say before the conversation ends as you arrive back at the den building area. you can’t help but feeling on edge, now she knows, who’s to say she won’t tell the girls, who will tell the boys, who will tell jae.

you push it to the back of your head as you begin to help construct the den, jae now gone off with the oldest of his group to gather supplies.

[♫] love by lana del rey

—‘it’s enough just to make you feel crazy, sometimes.’

it had been three weeks since your conversation with the yeri, and so far nothing had changed. jae had still be the same, however he seemed to touch you and hug you a lot more.

everyday was eventful and fun, you were by far having the best summer of your life. the good thing is, as you had a permanent job here, you’d stay here all year round.

the camp opened on the weekend near halloween however, the activities where completely different, ranging from ghost hunts to pumpkin carving.

once the children left, in two and a half weeks, you’d be moving around the huts and cleaning, fixing up the activity huts, checking the quality of all the equipment.

any lonely person would find that tedious and annoying however, jae would be with you the whole time and you can’t help but look forward to it.

as much as you hated to be adhering to the ‘best friend to lovers’ cliche, you were completely head over heels for jae. he made the most boring thing into the funnest, most exciting thing ever by only cracking a few jokes or imaging something extravagant or adventurous.

his cute laugh was something you lived for, it sounded like music to your ears and his voice. his voice was angelic whenever he sung. he only really sung when he’d whip out his guitar at the last campfire of the summer. but, you couldn’t help but get excited thinking about him singing in two weeks time.

your crush was making you feel crazy, making you go insane with love.

today, all your plans were ruined when it began to rain as you arrived at the lake. luckily, you and jae had planned for when the weather was rough.

all twelve of you had rushed back to camp, and huddled up in the boys hut.

‘we should tell ghost stories!’ one of the boys suggested as you felt a small pull on your shorts. you look down to see the haejin , looking quite distraught.

‘what’s wrong? hey, don’t cry.’ you say, bending down to pull her into a hug.

‘i left my teddy bear by the lake.’ she stutters.

‘hey, i can go and get it now! we’ll get him back.’ you tell her as you stroke her arm, calmly.

one of the girls takes the youngest, distracting her with the boys as they do silly tricks.

‘what’s happened?’ jae says quietly behind you, his breath on your neck. you can’t help but wonder, what would it feel like to have his lips on your neck?

quickly, you snap out of your mini trance and turn around to him. ‘she left her teddy by the lake, i’m gonna run and grab it.’

‘are you sure? it’s really bad weather and you could get hurt or lost.’ he says, worry laced in every word.

‘i promise you i’ll be fine.’ you reassure him but, he doesn’t look convinced. there’s a moment where jae wishes he kissed your cheek then instead, it passed and you pulled your coat on and rushed out of the door.

jae tried his best to be his normal, funny and entertaining self as he worried about you however, the ten kids could see straight through him.

‘we all know you like _______.’ chaeyoung says and jae looks at the oldest boy.

‘pffft, no i don’t.’ he tried to deny.

‘yeah right, so if _______ was to date,’ she pauses. ‘baekhyun from woodpecker, you’d be totally fine with it?’ these children knew how to get what they wanted, and they were doing a really good job at it.

‘i mean no, she’s free to date who she wants right?’ jae says, biting his lip and looking away from the ten.

‘so if they cuddled up at the campfire, and always kissed,’ chaeyoung began to taunt.

‘ok no. that won’t happen, she’s not even close with baekhyun. and plus, i won’t let that happen.’ jae blurts out.

‘date already!’ one of the boys giggles whilst the others fake gag.

‘i don’t know.’ jae answers back.

‘she literally told me she likes you! just hurry up so we can see you two days before we leave!’ yeri strops.

‘she did?’ jae questioned, and they all sigh.

‘yes.’ she answers blankly as if to say duh jae stop being so dense. jae smiles to himself at the thought of you being his girlfriend, being able to hold you, kiss you, call you his.

soon enough half an hour has gone by and you’re still not back, to make matters worse it had begun to thunder as well.

jae was getting increasingly worried, fiddling with his fingers, trying to distract himself with playing monopoly with the kids.

he’d finally reached for his phone pulling it out and discovering yours in his pocket as well. damn you, jae, always looking after her stuff.

‘guys i’m going to call chan, sit tight.’ he tells the ten as he heads outside onto the porch briefly, the kids all occupied playing the game, or at least trying.

‘chan, can you hear me?’ jae says, he has no idea whether the weather would affect the connection between the phones.

‘jae, yeah. what’s up?’ he answers almost instantly.

‘is there a chance you can watch my lot, _____ has gone into the woods to get a lost toy and she hasn’t come back yet.’ jae rushes.

‘i’m in the canteen with my lot, bring them over to me and i’ll watch them.’ he answers and jae thanks him before getting the children into their coats and rushing to the canteen.

[♫] im with you by vance joy

— ‘you looked at me and said, baby this rain changes everything.’

as soon as the ten kids are dropped off with chan and jihyo, the leaders of the crocodile group, jae sprints towards the lake.

every single bad scenario runs through his head, it was muddy and the rain could easily batter someone as small and fragile as you.

‘______!’ he shouts, as he wipes his glasses. he recalls what you were wearing, a pair of shorts, your dark blue camp leader top, identical to his and a matching dark blue raincoat.

as he approaches the side of the lake by the shelter, he’s had to wipe his glasses multiple times and he was soaked through.

‘_______!’ he tries again. he peeks into the small shelter and his heart suddenly races. your cuddled in the corner, desperately trying to warm yourself up, your legs covered in mud.

‘_____, oh my god.’ he quickly runs to you, pulling you into his arms, feeling your cold damp skin against his warm skin.

‘i’m sorry, i tripped and i thought i’d wait until the storm passed, but then i started to get really cold and-‘

before you can continue rambling, a soft pair of lips land on yours. it feels like every bit of cold nibbling at you had warmed up, and the sound of the rain had stopped. you both pulled away to breathe as he admires your face.

‘o-oh.’ you stuttered. he laughs lightly, helping you stand up.

‘please be careful, i was so worried, you’re freezing cold and wet, you could’ve died.’ he exclaims.

‘maybe a slight over exaggeration but, i’m fine jae, really.’ you tell him, but he shakes his head. he turns before grabbing the teddy bear that you had collected and placed next to you on the ground.

‘i’m going to call chan, then we’ll head back to camp.’ jae says, before he grabs his phone out of his pocket with one hand, using his other hand to wrap around your waist, pulling into his arms.

‘i’ve got her. we’re heading back now, we might need first aid.’ he says, as you look up at him. can you believe you just kissed him? his lips were just on yours. holy shit.

‘please be careful. i’m not letting you go out alone again.’ jae repeats, as you both venture out into the rain and wind.

‘if it wasn’t raining then i would have been perfectly fine.’ you argue.

‘but it is raining and it is windy.’ jae answers back and you roll your eyes. concentrating on walking back as jae slips his hand into yours.

this was nothing new to you, he seemed to do this a lot, but something about this time it seemed so much more reassuring and comforting. you state at your intertwined hands before looking up at him.

jae began to rush a bit as he noticed you shivering slightly. as soon as he could he would make you his girlfriend, but he wanted to prioritise making sure you’re fine.

it began to rain even harder as you enter the canteen. despite the peaceful jog-walk you’d just had with jae, your legs were still covered in mud and your were completely drenched, jae not far off being drenched as well.

‘_______!’ the kids scream all running towards you. you smile at them, trying to convince them that your head isn’t all over the place.

‘here! this is for you.’ you answer, pulling the teddy bear out of the inside of your coat, and placing it in haejin a petite hands.

‘thank you!’ she squeals then begins to tell her teddy bear off for ‘wondering away.’

‘_______, are you okay?’ jihyo says, she seemed concerned as chan distracted the kids with a crappy scooby-doo movie.

'i'm fine, just a bit cold.' you answer, jae raising his eyebrow at you.

'i'll call siwon, tell him you need to take the afternoon off.' jihyo says.

'i'm completely fine. i promise you.' the thought of siwon, your boss, finding out you were injured for such stupid reason made you anxious.

before you can detest anymore, jihyo is across the room on the phone and jae is trying convince you that you need the rest of today off, plus it's only a few hours.

'siwon is coming now.' jihyo says and you grab jaes hands, fiddling with his fingers, a habit you had acquired after numerous movie night with the kids,meal times, quiz nights etc.

'you're basically siwons favourite leader ________, i'm sure he'll be more concerned than mad.' jihyo tells you and you shake your head.

[♫] young and beautiful by lana del rey

vii —'he's my sun, he makes me shine, like diamonds.' young and beautiful by lana del rey

as suspected, siwon was completely worried and not the tiniest bit mad. he understood why you went into the woods and reassured you, much to jaes dislike, that he would do the same.

'take the next few hours off, come back around 7 for dinner, alright?' siwon says. 'and also it was about time you two dated.' his eyes flicker to your hands and you blush deeply and jae laughs.

'make sure to look after her please jae. jihyo, are you and chan okay with watching the bear-cubs, i'll happily stay as well.' siwon asks. 'jae, go and take _______ to get cleaned up.'

there was a mutual element of trust between jae, siwon and you. siwon knew you were best friends, as you both had been when he was a camp leader for you, he knows you two very well and knows that you both care for eachother deeply.

jae nods and instantly you're both rushing to the girls cabin, where you let jae in. he'd been in here millions of times before, there was no ban on girl leaders and boy leaders being in eachothers rooms as siwon knew you wouldn't doing dirty things at a place like this.

'first shower and clean all the mud off your legs,' jae instructs, placing himself down on the bed. you obeyed, grabbing some new clothes out of your wardrobe.

after fourty minutes, you'd successfully showered, gotten changed and refreshed. now jae was concerned about the developing bruise on your leg.

'what am i gonna do with you,' he sighs.

'it doesn't hurt, just let it be for a bit.' you says and he nods his head. 'so uh.'

'hmm?' he says, looking at you. barefaced you looked so incredibly beautiful and jae just wanted to make sure you knew.

'the kiss...' you start.

'i meant it. i obviously wanted to do it in a more romantic situation but, i just had the overwhelming feeling when i saw you there.' he brings to ramble.

'it was perfect jae.' you tell him, you were afraid he meant have regretted it or not meant it.

he signals for you to come over to him and you stand between his legs as he continues to talk. he doubts whether it was really perfect, i mean you were in the middle of the storm, freezing your asses off.

'we have three more hours right? we can take my car and go to town.' he suggests. you nod before he slings the key out of his pocket. 'we're gonna have to be quick, they might catch us.'

[♫] what you know by two door cinema club (i 100% recommend you listen to this whilst you read this part)

viii —'and i can tell just what you want, you don't want to be alone.'

quickly, you scan the outside, the rain had died down slightly and resorted to a wet drizzle, the sun now beginning to shine, there was no one in sight as you closed the door behind you both.

before you can process what's happening, jae is grabbing your hand and you're both running to the staff car park.

once you spot his car, he's unlocked it and you're both sliding in to your seats before buckling your seatbelts and jae steps on the gas, zooming out of the car park.

'lets get it!' he shouts, as you shake your head in shame.

switching on the radio, you both laugh and talk as jae's hand sits comfortably on your thigh. everything was perfect, you were laughing and joking around, driving in the now emerging sunshine, jaes hand resting with your hand on top of his comfortably.

when you began to approach the town, which was just around the lake, jae pulled over by the side of the lake. it was exceptionally beautiful now, the storm had passed and left a glare on everything, that caught the light often and made you admire it.

'so,' jae says, as you make your way around the car and to his side, where he's closest to the shore. he brings his arms tightly around your waist, as yours find their way to his shoulders.

'this seems like a nicer place, to ask you to be my girlfriend.' he laughs lightly and you smile, heat rising into your cheeks. 'so, _______, will you be my girlfriend?'

'of course.' you reply, a smile dancing on your lips. you pull his head down so your lips can meet his.

this kiss had x1000 more feelings than the one before, every inch of love that's been trapped inside is finally free and swirling around the both of you.

jae feels like he's on cloud 9, your lips are so soft, and taste like cherries. he feels complete, every time he didn't kiss you feels like this kiss has made up for it.

once you pull away, to breathe, jae laughs lightly.

'i've liked you for so long but, i didn't think you liked me back.' you start, as he kisses your cheek, he kisses everywhere he's wanted to. your cheek, your jawline, your neck, your nose.

'how long?' he says, pulling away from a particularly long kiss on your neck.

'since we started leader training, last year.' you finished, your hands running through his hair.

'so, i could've kissed you a whole year ago?' he says, almost in disbelief.

'you could've.' you say, laughing lightly.

'well, i wish i told you earlier.' he sighs, 'but, i'm gonna make up for all the missed kisses now.'

the next three hours were full of laughs, kisses and visiting all the places in town that you'd never seen before.

[♫]apocalypse by cigarettes after sex

—'your lips, my lips, apocalypse.'

as it approached 6:45, you both got back into the car after having the best time of your lives. the sun shone peacefully, as you drove back to camp.

you peered out of the window, admiring the view of the lake as the sun reflected on it perfectly. jaes hand was securely on your thigh, as you both sing the lyrics to the song on the radio.

finally you make it back to camp, parking the car and both getting out. jae leans against the car watching you as you get out, admiring all your features.

you both enter camp, incredibly happy and excited to see the ten kids that you left with jihyo, siwon and chan.

as you enter the canteen, all eyes are on you both, before haejin, the youngest, shouts.

'______! jae!' she squeals getting out of her seat and running toward you both whilst the other nine all do the same. you smile before accepting the smallest into your arms.

'i missed you so much!' she says, as she shows a cute little pout. the canteen has gone back to its normal level of chatter.

'we were only gone for a few hours.' you say.

'the most boring few hours of my life.' one of the boys adds. both of you laugh before you scoop haejin into your arms, jae in front of you talking to the eldest boy and girl.

'i did it.' jae said to the two.

'finally!' they cheer, as all the kids sit down on the table. jae sitting opposite you as you sit with haejin on one side of you, eunsol on the other side.

the table erupts into chatter, the kids expressing their disgust to the boring few hours.

'well, tomorrow we'll do something so fun that it'll make you forget about your afternoon.' you suggest and they all reply enthusiastic responses.

'we're gonna go and grab our food, are you guys ok here?' jae asks and they all nod, most of them busy eating whilst the others talk about playing games.

you both go up to the counter, where the rest of the leaders are getting served.

'______, is that a..' yukhei starts, a hint of sarcasm on his voice. 'a vampire bite?'

confused you look to where he's pointing, and a purple mark is on your neck. jae giggles lightly as the other leaders start to jump on the joke, jae now getting food for the both of you.

'hmm, jae? what do you think? it could be a spider bite.' lisa suggests and you shake your head, pulling your hair to cover the hickey.

jae comes up behind you, wrapping one hand around your waist, 'i don't know? i don't think i spider bite would look like that.' he continues on with the joke. the leaders all laugh before scurrying off to their tables.

'what if one of the little ones saw this?' you whisper and you walk back to the table, his hand still around your waist as he'd already put the food on the table earlier.

'it's a mosquito bite as far as they're concerned.' he whispers back, as you reach the table and sit in your seat.

[♫] wonderwall by oasis

x —'hot summer nights, mid-july, when you and i were forever wild.'

two weeks had passed, the best summer of your life so far was almost done. you couldn't help but pout as you walked with your group to the bonfire.

this was the annual bonfire, it had been happening ever since jae and you had been coming here at five years old.

'hey! why do you look so pouty?' one of the boys said, making jae, who was just in front of you, guitar in his back and his hand in haejins, turn around to you.

'it's just sad because, you guys leave tomorrow and i'll miss you all.' you say, looking at them. you'd gotten really close to the ten kids and hate to admit that it's going to be quiet and boring without them.

'we'll come back for the halloween and easter and next summer!' eunsol tells you and you laugh, nodding.

as you found your area around the campfire, all the kids settled down, you and jae sitting beside them.

the bonfire was regulated by siwon, leeteuk and donghae. the five different groups had areas to sit in, purely so that the kids didn't get hurt by running around wildly between seats.

jae cheekily slipped his arm around your waist as you hummed in content, feeling the warmth of the fire in your face.

'you're beautiful.' he says to you and immediately a deep red blush had spread across your cheeks.

'you guys are so cute.' yeri cooed, disturbing the small moment. nervously, you pull your hair behind your ear.

jae stayed cuddled to your side whilst siwon and the rest of the supreme leaders did their speeches, highlighted the best and worst moments of this summer.

'now, jae and brian.' siwon turns around, and everyone's attention is turned to the two of you as well as some diverted to brian. 'are gonna play guitar.'

'right, yeah.' he giggles almost nervously but excitedly as he grabs his guitar.

'think of some songs guys.' siwon says as you move out of jaes way. jihyo calling you over to them as the bonfire had died down and the kids were aloud to move areas.

'i'm going over to jihyo, ok?' you tell jae.

'ok babe.' he answers as he works on tuning his guitar. he looks up at you, pouting his lips and you give him a quick kiss before running over to jihyo.

'he loves you so much.' jihyo starts, as haejin finds her way onto your lap, obviously sleepy.

'i do as well.' you answer as you glance over at jae, to find him already looking over you, then winking at you before talking to chan and brian who were sitting next to him.

'i'm gonna request wonderwall.' she says.

'oh yeah, that's a good one.' you say as you try to brainstorm for songs.

almost fifteen minutes later, a song had finally been decided and it was jihyos suggestion.

you watched closely, as jae concentrated on his guitar, his glasses slipping down his nose slightly as the fire highlighted his features perfectly.

'five, six, seven, eight.' brian said before they both began to play their guitars. as soon as jae began to sing you felt like you were in heaven.

his voice was perfectly smooth and sexy, you felt amazed not only by your boyfriends voice but how easily he could harmonise with brian.

i don't believe that anybody, feels the way i do about you now

he sung so effortlessly, your eyes locked with his as the words left his lips. as they glided into the chorus, everyone began to sing with them however, jaes eye only went between you and the guitar throughout the whole song.

you're gonna be the one that saves me

the song finishes, everyone cheering and clapping before edging them on to perform more.

as they began to sing do i wanna know? haejin falls asleep against your chest and you coo at the sight as jihyo giggles as well.

'she's so cute, oh my god.' jihyo gushes, as some of the campers begin to sing along with your boyfriend and brian.

when you turn to look at jae, his eyes are already glued to you, as you mouth to him 'she's fallen asleep' and he awes at her as well.

after forty-five minutes of singing songs and enjoying your last night together, it comes to an end. as much as he hated to admit it, you'd only been sitting across from him but he felt like he wanted you by his side the entire time.

'she's so cute.' jae says, as you carry haejin back to the huts, the other nine all tiredly dotted around you all.

this was by far jaes favourite combination, you, the love of his life and a small cute, sleeping child. it made him so incredibly soft, and excited for the future, even if it was too early to say.

after fifteen minutes, you'd successfully gotten the five girls into bed and you were waiting outside the hut on the wooden railing, for jae to emerge from the boys hut.

'ah! finally, i have you all to myself.' he says, standing between your legs and kissing you sweetly.

'you were amazing tonight.' you tell him as you jump down from the railing, taking his hand in yours and wondering back to your huts. 'you should sing more.'

'i'm really gonna miss the kids.' jae sighs and you agree, leaning into him as he slides his arm around your waist, letting his hand sit in your back pocket. 'i've had the best summer yet.'

'me too.' you answer, 'but hey. let's not get all sad now, we've got the rest of this year to be here, kids or not.'

'we're moving into a hut together, right?' he asks. when the kids all left tomorrow all the huts could be moved around and lived in until they returned in october.

'is this your way of asking me to move in with you?' you laugh lightly. 'it's only been two weeks.' you shimmy away from his embrace purposely, to tease him. you begin to skip off ahead of him.

'it might as well be a year and two weeks.' he mutters, before running after you and bringing his arms around your waist, pulling you into his chest. 'we'll move in then move out in october, it'll be fun.'

'right. and siwon will have nothing to say about it?' you ask, turning around in his arms, as you bring your hands to side of his face, drawing your fingertips along his cheek.

'shut up, you know he won't. you're literally his favourite leader, if anyone else had gone out into the woods that day, they'd get in so much trouble. but, because it was you, you didn't.'

'you're annoying.' you tell him, bringing his head down so you could kiss him.

'i know.' he giggles, before reconnecting your lips. this was your happy place, being with jae at the place that you loved.

nothing beat this summer, and you doubt another will however, as long as you had jae you knew you were going to have the best time.

'thank you for the best summer yet.' you tell him and he smiles, looking at you in complete adoration.

'wouldn't be the best without you.' he finished before reconnecting you lips again.

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drfeelgood-21 · 4 years

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The past 5 Years...

I feel like some of you should know where i have been these last 5 horrid years, and it took me a long time to actually come to terms with writing this post. But here we go Back in 2013 i joined Tumblr,made friends, made posts, and learned about some amazing music. MY journey for Metal had just begun. Fast forward 2 years, Im now running a successful metal/rock blog with a side of whatever the fuck i like. I had many friends that i would chat with on the daily through Snap,Facebook, and kik. I was there for many of you as you were there for me. I graduated High school and had a job. I was going into College. My hometown Uni that I always dreamed of going to. I was excited and this sets forth the downfall of my life... Part 2: 2016 hits, Im still getting over the emotions of The Force Awakens (Star Wars FTW) Type O Negative grew on me hard, and i started a smoking addiction to cigars. My energy drink addiction mixed in with that. Full time college and a full time job were hell but i managed. My grades were great, the financial stress wasnt. I was Paying for Uni out of pocket and it lead to some hard times. May came along and well I found myself a girlfriend who ended up cheating on me. I partied hard with friends, got drunk, did some insane shit and even hosted a party with my bestfriend Scott that got over 200 people to show up. The end of Summer approached and I found this bright eyed beautil woman named Natasha. I fell hard. The only issue was, i was her Manager and i told myself to not do it. Luckily for me i was already applying for new jobs and was picked up by a huge branded Franchise company so we started dating.....Little did i know at the time i was helping her cheat. Little did i know this was her game. We spent the next two years “In Love” by this it was a blind game of abuse and manipulation. She scarred me so bad that i thought i was a narcissistic asshole. She found out about my use of tumblr and made me delete it and take off every single friend of mine from here. One night she slapped my face to awaken me and ask who Emily was ( a friend from tumblr long ago) She was jealous of a message i had sent Emily back in 2015 ( this ould be a good time to mention its January 2017) I didnt see abuse at all. I could only see me trying better every day for her, but she was never happy. She constantly needed sex, constantly needed love, amd had trouble not being with me. At the time i of course enjoyed it because i thought it was love. I ended up getting an apartment with her late 2017.. We lived together till June 2018....I broke up with her She cost me the following -Best friendship with Scott -Friendship with anyone i talked to on social media ( Alot of you) -My college career -She spiked my depression - Made me feel like i should kill myself -Connection with family members - Trust -Connection with others I know that this post will probably summon that anon that hit right after the break up but just Fuck off. I was angry ,depressed, and really fucking suicidal, I got injured at work and couldnt move for 2 weeks. (Dislocated my knee) But when i got back to work, i got a message from an old friend who just used me for sex, so that happened.. 2018 sucked except for starting to branch out into the local clubs. 2019 Though....That was the year of rebuild. Worked my ass off at work and on myself. Figured out a lot of stuff, made New Amazing friends. Started back up old friendships and got my own Duplex so life in 2019 wasnt bad but i will admit i was drinking through a lot of it. 2020 had a slow start. But in the end of January this one girl approached my friend group and asked if she could dance with us. Of course i said, and we actually spent the rest of the night all together and she attached herself to my best friend Amber. We spent at least an hour talking about Emo bands and style, until she got picked up by a friend. I had her snap though and decided to message her the next day and tell her it was great to meet you we should hang out again soon. I was Nervous, i hadnt done something like this for four years... When she said yes to hanging out again my heart skipped, It wasnt officially a date but it was interest. We hung out a couple more times and i know i told her i liked her the second time, but i started liking her when she said “ you’re making me break my stoic reputation” February 1st the morning after we went out again, i asked her to be mine...It was fast but i really hadnt felt this way since 4 years ago....One things for sure though..every time im with her the feeling grows stronger even though i did shut myself down. Its jsut scary how comfortable i am around her because i feel so vulnerable and i dont know if its just me getting my trust back, but I do know that im in love with her. Shes beautiful in so many ways and helps me rediscover who i am..what I stand for. I wanted to tell her that i love her after a nice actual dinner date...I had it planned.. But this Covid bullshit made me rush it. I had to tell her before she visited her parents back home.... little did we know at the time that she would be back home sooner than expected. I was at work when her dad surprisingly picked her up and made her move back home to Quarantine from this fucking virus. I sure as hell felt numb reading the letter she left me. These are weird and hard times, and its sucked this past week. I cant get my mind to shut off, im stressed, i go to work, i take care of family. Im Feeling drained and exhausted, but one thought of her and it all goes away.. I miss her. I just want to see her and hold her. Today was probably the worst day ive had in a long time....Im not doing well but im back Tumblr , to all whom even care anymore. Thanks for sticking around

#long #personal #might delete #life #ollie

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dimples-of-discontent · 5 years

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Hwæt: I'm Waging a Campaign

Hwæt. We Gardena in geardagum, þeodcyninga, þrym gefrunon, hu ða æþelingas ellen fremedon.

So. The Spear-Danes in days gone by and the kings who ruled them had courage and greatness. We have heard of those princes’ heroic campaigns.

(Beowulf, trans. Seamus Heaney)

Hello friends,

I’m cross-posting this from a CaringBridge site that I could link to but which will reveal my secret IRL identity since the URL is my name for ease of finding! (I actually think that’s fine but, y’know, use the info respectfully since I have worked to have separation between my professional social media and my fandom social media.)

This is an introduction and update on how things are going with my breast cancer. I’ll do some cross-posting, but most updates will be on CaringBridge and, potentially, a sideblog here that will be less family-approved and/or full of reflections on the whole process. I’ll link you to that if I make one. Thanks for all the good wishes and the gentle hellos and the positivity. It has been sustaining and I am lucky in my friends and family here. 💜💜💜

(Author's note! This is a long post with a fair bit of technical stuff that I find fascinating but don't expect you to. It's just hard to know how to catch you all up without going into detail but, if you like, feel free to skip to the last couple paragraphs.)

If you're here that means you already know many of the basic info, which is that about 6 weeks ago I was diagnosed with triple-negative, metastatic breast cancer. It's pretty nasty and aggressive and moved quickly from a large tumor in my left breast to my axillary lymph node to my lungs to the soft tissue next to my spine (with probable bone marrow involvement). It's probably about 6-9 months old. I wasn't looking for it since, at 34 with zero family history, I wasn't even old enough for screenings. But genetic mutations come from somewhere and it looks like I am the mutation.

Is there good news? Not much. (Not yet.) The tiniest bit is that more aggressive cancers tend also to be more responsive to treatment. The fact that it's triple-negative breast cancer (TNBC) means that the tumor is negative for the three types of receptors that can be used for additional therapies: progesterone, estrogen, and HER2. (A second test actually put my ER number at 20%...which sounds a little like me in general: although I seem very negative at second glance you'll see that I'm about 20% positive.) It's also negative for androgen. This means that the only potential kind of supplementary therapy that might help along with chemotherapy would be immunotherapy. I'm not a candidate for either surgery or radiation since the spread of the cancer is so pervasive and those are highly localized.

I haven't started treatment yet. For these past weeks I've been in a really difficult phase of undergoing a lot of tests to determine the character, extent, and location of the cancer. This was a surprise to me (and to my parents, who came out to NJ immediately and who have been living with me throughout this process). I sort of imagined that when you got the cancer diagnosis--which I did on January 24th at 11am when I was sitting in my office filling out a performance evaluation for my job at Princeton--they'd rush you off to an emergency room where they'd start treatment immediately. I definitely didn't anticipate having to schedule (a challenge in and of itself) and undergo so many tests and to have to wait, terrified, for each series of events. So far, this has been the hardest and worst part.

Being whisked off is more like what happens if your cancer is localized in the breast and associated lymph node. The big first question was whether the cancer was metastatic or not, which they found out with a CT scan that showed it, first, in my lungs. This was maybe the worst news of the whole thing because it meant that radical options to contain it (mastectomy, radiation) were out and that we had to do a bunch more investigating to figure out where the cells had hidden. There was a worry about my liver which showed a large mass that had been there since 2016 when I'd actually been tested for cancer--thanks to chronic fatigue and consistently elevated white blood cell counts--and come up clean. (Luckily the consensus is that the liver mass is benign since it "grew" only .7cm in 2 years, a possible measurement error.) This left the bone scan, which did show the tracer being absorbed, which led in turn to MRIs and a biopsy to confirm metastasis.

Every time I got a new result I learned that you really have to read the fine print when you wish to be exceptional. All of this is so statistically unlikely...and yet it's true.

All-in-all I had two biopsies of three tumors (breast, lymph node, soft tissue next to the spine), two mammograms, two CT scans, and three MRIs. This is in addition to office visits and blood work. I began working with a medical oncologist at Memorial Sloan Kettering (MSK) in Manhattan which brought me back to the city more times than since I left after college. It was looking like the only possible treatment option was single-agent chemo. Most clinical trials for TNBC require that you have been treated first. (I have "de novo" metastatic disease, meaning it had already spread when they first discovered it rather than that it was treated locally but spread anyway.) Others require hormonal receptor positivity. The few I was eligible for were often not enrolling.

However, thanks to the tireless research efforts of my dad, we found out about a clinical trial at the Dana-Farber clinic in Boston that I am potentially eligible to join. It's testing an immunotherapy agent that has already proved effective with TNBC with one chemo agent with a different one. (It actually just got approved by the FDA.) The only trick is that the way the immuno agent works requires that you have a specific protein (PDL1) to really see results. Essentially, one way cancer cells sneak around is switching off your immune system so it can't "see" that they are invaders. The turning off of the immune switch happens with a protein bond involving PDL1; the immuno agent being tested blocks that bond so that the "lights" stay on and the cells can't sneak around as easily. Clever! But if I don't have the protein it's not clear that either being in the trial or getting the now-FDA-approved treatment will benefit me more than single-agent therapy.

So that's the test it's all depending on right now. I should hear in the next couple days. If you want to send positive vibes and wishes and make sacrifices to your god(s) of choice, do it for PDL1 positivity. I feel discouraged, since I've been negative for everything so far, but these are all independent events.

I am also waiting for genetic testing to see if this is a germline mutation--like BRCA--that I inherited. This might affect future treatment and, if I did have one, could be good news because BRCA1 and BRCA2 are very heavily researched...in fact, when I worked in breast cancer research at Wash U Med School I was working with the BRCA lines. (For those who don't know, I started college wanting to go to med school--or at least get a PhD in genetics--so I spent 3 summers between age 16 and 19 studying breast cancer. It's equipped me well to have these discussions, though I certainly imagined being the doctor rather than the patient.)

There are three treatment options that I will (hopefully, hopefully) finalize soon.

I will have the PDL1 protein and will enroll in the clinical trial at Dana-Farber. This will require traveling to Boston every 3 weeks for intensive assessment and new rounds of chemo. The agent involved will make regular life a little rougher since it's by IV and only every 3 weeks. (And I might be in the control group, in which case I'd only be getting the chemo agent. I will, however, know which group I'm in.)

I will have the PDL1 protein and will receive the now-FDA-approved immunotherapy/chemo combination in Princeton with a local doctor and Dana-Farber only doing big-picture stuff.

I will not have the PDL1 protein and will receive single-agent chemo in Princeton, probably orally (twice a day) which is less intensively bad and more low-grade bad all the time. (There is, I guess, a kind of 3b. in which I decide to enroll in the trial even if I don't have PDL1 but it seems less likely.)

So, if you are keeping track of the big decisions that will allow me to actually, finally, begin actively fighting against this that's the last one. I appreciate all the notes that you've been sending so far. I get "message fatigue" but I see all of them and, in fact, have been saving all of them to look back on when things get even harder. So if you'd like to leave love and encouragement here too please know that I will see it and it will be helpful. I'm very unfortunate in this but incredibly fortunate in the number of people I have out there pulling for me and offering support.

Love to you all.

Site link

#personal #medical #health update #not spn #my life as a cancer patient #spn family #YANA #AKF #bex writes

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t0ngue-tech · 5 years

Text

A Whirlwind Summer

“’You’re y/n, right? Jisoo’s friend.’ Taehyung asked nonchalantly.

‘Yeah, I am and you’re Taehyung.’ You replied, placing two dollar bills and a small cluster of coins on the palm of his hand.

‘That’s me.’”

↠highschoolAU(obviiii) fluff n’ angst, lots of dialogue if yall dont mind huhu↞

word count: 15k oh my god

↠oneshot↞

a/n: THE LAST TIME I UPLOADED WAS IN DECEMBER HOLY BALLS IM SORRY LOL. ive been writing this on and off for about two months and im so happy to have finally finished it. i hope you guise like it ^-^

Summer was supposed to be two months filled with late nights and lots of leisure reading. You had plans to finally finish a book series that you started at the beginning of the year and of course, you made sure to make time in your busy schedule to hang out with Jisoo.

It was two weeks into summer and you didn’t touch the series you planned to read because your mother thought it would be a good idea to come home from work one day with a bunch of applications for a summer job. You told her that you wanted to start working in college where you were allowed to work on campus and she didn’t mind at all, so when she handed you the stack of applications, you were confused.

“It’s only for the summer, sweetheart. And after this you have some work experience.” Was her reasoning and you knew you couldn’t say no.

After filling out the applications and going to a few interviews, you ultimately decided to work at a cozy ice cream parlour that was located across the park you frequented.

It was early evening which meant there weren’t as much people coming into the parlour. Jisoo was waiting with you to finish because she was going to sleepover at your house. You didn’t drive, so Jisoo was also your ticket home instead of you making the fifteen minute walk back to your house.

“Lighten up, y/n. Sure, your summer may have been ever-so-slightly ruined, but you get free ice cream, so who’s the real winner here?” Jisoo turned a page from her book and sipped on a rootbeer float you prepared for her.

“I have books I’d rather read.”

“But you’re getting paid now! And more money means more books!”

As much as you didn’t want to admit it, Jisoo was right. Instead of verbally admitting it, you took away her rootbeer float and with that, you two jokingly bickered over your slight stubbornness.

The familiar jingle from the entrance door rang and a boy you both knew walked in with three kids who seemed over-excited to be there.

The boy was Kim Taehyung and the only reason why you knew him was because Jisoo had mentioned him a few times and how his friends were always hanging out near the bleachers, blastic music through speakers during lunch and after school. You never spoke to him and you’ve never really gotten in close proximity with him until now. He mumbled something to the kids he was with and strided over the Jisoo who seemed less enthusiastic about the conversation. The kids ran up to the glass that shielded the ice cream flavours and they easily distracted you from focusing on whatever he was talking about with Jisoo.

“At least just think about it.” Taehyung slowly walked towards the register where you were punching in his total.

“Five dollars and thirty-two cents.” You squeezed into his one-sided conversation.

Quietly, he reached into his wallet and brought out the exact change, recounting the cents over and over just to make sure it was correct.

“Jisoo, just think about it and if not, I’ll just relay the message to him—thank you.” He gently plucked the receipt from your hand and gathered the kids who were happily eating their dessert.

“Fine.” Jisoo sighed, not looking up from her book. Taehyung breathed a quiet thank you to her and motioned the kids towards the door.

Before you could even ask, Jisoo answered your question for you.

“I swear, Seo Joon needs to run his errands himself instead of making Taehyung do it.” She slammed her book shut. “I already told him that I don’t want to get back together.”

“Didn’t you two break up like two months ago?” You asked.

“Yes! Since he thought it was a good idea to ‘fake break up’ with me as a dare or whatever, then he’s going to have to deal with the consequences.”

“Spicy.” You commented.

“Exactly. Now, another refill on that rootbeer float because god knows I need it.”

↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠

A new week, yet the same routine. You woke up that morning, did your usual morning rituals, and walked down to the ice cream parlour with an audiobook playing through your earphones.

Hours ticked on and families came and went, looking for a cold oasis in the heat. You were on the floor with your manager that afternoon and luckily you got along just fine with him.

An elderly woman who introduced herself as Mrs. Song was a regular at the parlour since she was a teenager. So, when she saw a new face, your face in particular, she was elated.

She came into the parlour with her caretaker every Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday. They sat at the same seats near the counter and ate the same flavour every visit; mint chip for the caretaker and neapolitan for Mrs. Song.

Mrs. Song was a sweet old lady who easily forgets a lot of things. Whenever she saw you and Jisoo, she would always refer to you two as “sweetheart” or “deary”; you loved it whenever she called you that.

The parlour wasn’t as busy except for a few members from the city’s little league came in with their parents. Mrs. Song was reading through a newspaper and her caretaker had her nose inside of a book. You had just finished sweeping from behind the register when the bell of the entrance door rang when a familiar dark haired boy walked in with three younger kids who seemed high in spirits.

Taehyung was a stranger to you, so you weren’t looking for any sort of conversation with him. But you did have a feeling that he was probably going to ask you about Jisoo. The three kids sat on the remaining counter seats, waving sweetly at Mrs. Song who seemed excited to see them.

Taehyung approached the casing where the tubs of ice cream were and you were hoping your manager was going to take his order, but after a quick look around the room, he wasn’t present.

Good grief. You set aside the broom and glided towards the ice cream flavors.

“Hello, how can I help you?” The tone of your customer service voice disgusted you.

“Yeah uh, can I have three small cups of cookies and cream, chocolate, and rocky road.” Taehyung hummed as you reached for three cups. “What flavor do you recommend?”

You stared at the flavors for a moment before grabbing the ice cream scooper. “I personally like chestnut praline and brownie crunch.”

He nodded his head and chewed on the inside of his cheek, still indecisive on what flavor he wanted.

“Would you like a sample of both?” You asked.

“Hm, sure.”

You grabbed two plastic spoons and scooped up a tiny portion of each flavor for him to try and as he pondered his choices, you finished up the kids’ orders and set it in front of them.

“I’ll just take brownie crunch in the medium cup, please.” Taehyung spoke whilst throwing away the spoons in the nearby trash can.

As you were scooping the amount into the cup, you glanced at Taehyung who was pulling out a couple of bills out of his wallet. He looked over at the kids who were having a great time listening to Mrs. Song tell a story.

“That’ll be seven dollars and seventy-two cents.” You handed over the cup with a napkin wrapped around it.

Taehyung handed you two five dollar bills and took a bite of his ice cream.

“You’re y/n, right? Jisoo’s friend.” Taehyung asked nonchalantly.

“Yeah, I am and you’re Taehyung.” You replied, placing two dollar bills and a small cluster of coins on the palm of his hand.

“That’s me.” There was a brief moment of silence between you two as he lazily stuffed the change into his pocket. “Well, I’ll see you around. Let’s go guys.”

The three little boys waved goodbye to Mrs. Song and her caretaker. Her eyes lit up as she watched them leave the parlour. She then turned to you and said with a smile, “your boyfriend works well with kids, sweetheart.”

There was no point in telling her otherwise because she was probably not going to remember who Taehyung was the next time she was going to see him. So, you just smiled politely and wiped down the counter with a small towel.

↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠

Your day offs never seemed to recharge your battery to its fullest capacity, but it was enough for you to wind down with a book and an iced tea.

Although today wasn’t one of those days.

It was a warm and slow late afternoon. You were sitting on a stool behind the register, reading one of your books and drinking a milkshake your manager made for you. You were heavily invested in your book that you almost didn’t hear the door open.

To your surprise, Taehyung walked in with his head down and his shoulders dipped forward. As he walked closer to the counter, you noticed multiple splotches of dirt and grass all over his clothes. There was also a fresh gash the size of a golf ball on his knee.

“Holy shit, what happened to you?!” You snapped your book shut with your bookmarker almost sliding out. He was going to take a seat at one of the stools at the counter but you guided him to one of the tables so he has back support.

“My cousin had little league practice and a some of the kids’ chaperones and I decided to have a little game of our own.” Taehyung explained and slowly lifted his injured leg to rest on the second chair you pulled out for him. “I was going for home base and slid towards it as if my life depended on it—I mean, my team won, but at what cost?” He winced as he adjusted himself in the chair.

“Hold on, I’ll get a first aid kit.” You disappeared in the back room and quickly returned with a large white box.

Cleaning up cuts and scratches was a norm for you because of how much time you spent watching your little cousins at the park. It happened so often that it became it habit to carry band aids and alcohol pads in your bag.

“So, where’s your cousin?” You crouched beside him and rummaged through the box.

“He already had plans to play video games at his friend’s house after practice so he went there and I...ended up here.” Taehyung explained squeezing his eyes shut.

“And what brought you here?”

“Honestly, I don’t know. I was just walking and—ow! Fuck!” His entire leg flinched at the sudden contact of his gash and the alcohol pad touching.

“Shit, sorry! I should’ve warned you, I’m so sorry!” On instinct, you blew on his gash to cool down the stinging of the alcohol--something you did for your cousins.

“It’s uh, it’s okay, sorry. You can continue.” Taehyung tightly gripped the hem of his shirt and looked away to brace for impact, so with caution, you proceeded to clean his wound.

There were broken hisses coming from him and he squeezed his hand tighter and tighter until his knuckles ghosted white. You glanced up at him once in a while and pressed your lips together to keep yourself from smiling. This sight was a complete 180 from what you see at school; he walked around with confidence seeping from every pore and right now all confidence disappeared.

“I don’t think there’s any bandage that’s big enough for this.” You moved around some of the objects inside of the first aid kit. “I’ll just patch it up with some gauze okay?” Taehyung weakly nodded his head, still not looking at his knee. In less than five minutes, you had his knee all patched up and ready to go.

“There you go. Just don’t forget to remove the gauze and clean your cut later.” You stood up, trying to not fall over from being crouched over for so long.

Taehyung nodded and when you returned from the back room, he thanked you for coming to his aid. He limped over to where the ice cream was and pondered his choices before ultimately choosing chestnut praline in a medium sized cup.

“Did Jisoo mention anything about Seo Joon?” He asked.

You thought about a few days ago when Jisoo ranted about how she was over Seo Joon and that he wanted nothing to do with him, but you bit your tongue knowing this wasn’t any of your business.

“No, nothing new.” You handed Taehyung his ice cream over the casing.

“Well, if you don’t mind, could you tell her to lay down the line with Seo Joon please? I swear it feels like I talked to her way more than he did.”

You weren’t sure if Taehyung meant to say that outloud because this really wasn’t your business. He stabbed around his ice cream and hopped over to the counter seat. Ever since Jisoo mentioned it, you were curious yourself, so you took the chance to ask him.

“Why does he make you do it instead of doing it himself?”

Taehyung rubbed the back of his neck and you began to regret asking in the first place.

“I don’t...really know why. He asks me to do it and I just do it, I guess.” He simply stated. The tone of his voice sounded hesitant, but you decided not to dwell on it.

You hummed and made sure to receive Taehyung’s payment for the ice cream. You also hoped that this was going to be the last time you were going to have a conversation with him.

↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠

Of course, your hopes were shot down in one blow.

Two days after your encounter with Taehyung, you were working during a mild heatwave. The parlour was busier than normal, but thankfully it was nothing chaotic.

You had just served Mrs. Song her second cup of ice cream and your manager blended you a chocolate banana milkshake, telling you to take a break. The excitement in your eyes was hard to contain as you untied your apron and sat one seat away from Mrs. Song.

She was invested in putting together the same fifty piece puzzle she brought with her every other week, so you scrolled through your phone letting her be.

“Hey.” Taehyung’s voice came from out of nowhere, startling you. “You’re off today?”

“Hi.” You squeaked. “Just on break.”

He set his phone and wallet down in front of the seat next to you and took a five dollar bill as he walked to the register.

Not even five minutes passed and Taehyung slid onto the seat and stuffed his wallet with whatever change he had in his hand. Just at quick glance, you could already tell he ordered another cup of chestnut praline ice cream. Without saying another word, he took a bite out of his dessert and he mindlessly stared at the menu of other items that were sold at the parlour.

You took another quick peek at Taehyung who had the front of his hair tied messily into a short ponytail on the top of his head. The tank top he wore was slightly damp on the backside and his shoulder glistened whenever the sun or the ceiling lights hit it at a certain angle. The weather outside was scorching and you were grateful for being in a closed air-conditioned space.

The milkshake you were drinking was already halfway through and you didn’t even realize it. You were too focused on whether or not you should talk to Taehyung. It still felt awkward for you to start a conversation with him because, to put it simply, you really didn’t know how.

Conversations with Taehyung only happened by chance and out of pure convenience, but this time you weren’t behind the counter to serve him ice cream and he wasn’t writhing in pain from some sort of injury.

Duh, ask about his knee.

“How’s your knee?” You asked shly. Talking to him was also not necessary, but you felt compelled to do so.

He looked down which made your head automatically tilt downward; a layer of what looked to be fresh gauze was wrapped around his right knee.

“I have to limp around because of the gauze but other than that, it’s alright.” He twisted his leg to showcase his bandaged injury. “Thanks again, by the way. My mom thought nearly fainted when I got home.” Taehyung laughed as he said that which gave you leeway to laugh as well.

“Why?”

“She thought I got into a fight during my cousin’s practice especially because of all the dirt on my clothes.” Taehyung laughed with his entire body, almost falling over. “She look mortified. So we went out to buy gauze that night.”

“Your mom sounds like my mom. My mom tends to overreact even when it’s slightest injury.” You smiled to yourself.

“I know what you mean. They’re a bit dramatic, but they mean well.” Taehyung mixed around his ice cream. “It also doesn’t help the fact that I’m an only child, so I’m always getting the lecture ‘Taehyung, you’re my one and only baby blah blah blah.’”

The look on Taehyung’s face looked rather relaxed than annoyed as he said those words. It was a bit scary how you could relate because again, you two were polar opposites. Although, honestly, it was comforting in a way.

“I feel you.” You sighed. “But Jisoo is basically treated like family in my house, so I share those lectures with her.”

Taehyung left the plastic spoon in his mouth for a brief moment before speaking. “It must be great Jisoo has that relationship with your family.” He hung his head as scooped up a small portion of his ice cream.

“But you have Seo Joon, Minho, and the rest of your friends.”

“I--I don’t really invite them over.” He explained quietly and your eyes widened.

“Why not?”

Before Taehyung could answer you, your manager called your name to take over the register because of a conference call he had to take. You purse your lips together and apologized to Taehyung for cutting your conversation short. He waved it off with a smile and continued to feast on his dessert.

As you returned to the register to take an order for a family of five, you side-eyed Taehyung who was leaned towards his right, whispering and smiling with Mrs. Song. Unfortunately, you were too busy focusing on punching in numbers to focus on what they were saying and with Mrs. Song’s memory and imagination, their conversation could’ve been about anything.

↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠

Your next day off fell on the perfect day; the summer heat was bearable so you decided to get yourself a free refreshing milkshake from the ice cream parlour and read a book under a large tree at the park.

Music played through your earphones as you crossed the street with a chestnut praline milkshake in your hand. The summer dress you chose to wear was a peach color made up of a very light material to keep yourself cool; it was also your favorite clothing item.

The park wasn’t overly crowded which was perfect. There were some families having picnics, kids were running all over the playground, and there was a group of people off in the distance. Near the entrance was the most exquisite looking tree that provided the right amount of shade in all angles and you automatically gravitated towards it.

You packed a large blanket in your satchel and as well as a second blanket to cover your legs if you decided to lie down because even if you were wearing safety shorts, you knew better. The slightest breeze, a perfect tree, a milkshake, and a good book made up your day off and you couldn’t be any more happier.

After switching your position a thousand times, you decided to sit cross legged to keep your dress pinned down with your milkshake in between your thighs. You mindlessly played with the tassels that surrounded your blanket and continued to read your book.

The sudden drop of a heavy object next to you scared you out of your wits and the milkshake you secured almost spilt all over your blanket. Heart racing, you looked up to find Taehyung looking down at you with a boxy grin plastered on his face. A skateboard was the object that had dropped on the grass beside you and he then stripped himself of the flannel he was wearing to cover a spot on your blanket for himself to sit on.

“A warning would’ve been nice.” You sighed, placing a hand over your chest. “And you could have just sat on my blanket.”

Taehyung slid his shoes off to imitate your position and sit cross legged as well. “I’m probably covered in dirt. My cousin had practice down there and we decided to have another baseball match.” He moved his limbs around for you take a look at his skin. “No injuries, just dirt.”

“Good.” You smiled and tried to focus on your book, but Taehyung continued to distract you by ripping out the grass beside him. The one thing that didn’t sit right with you was how did Taehyung spot your from all the way on the other side of the park? And even if he was able to recognize you, why was he sitting with you?

“Is that book for school?” He asked, taking a peek at the cover.

“No, just for the joy of reading.” You closed the book realizing there was no way you could stay focused. “Is the little league still practicing?”

“They should be done right about now. The team is going to the community pool and my cousin is sleeping over a friend’s house after.” Taehyung explained. “I was about to leave and then I saw you sitting all the way over here--why are you all the way over here?”

You laughed and took a sip out of your milkshake. “It’s a nice tree to sit under, wouldn’t you agree?”

Taehyung stole the condensated cup out of your hand and proceeded to drag out a long sip of your drink making your jaw hang.

“Yeah, it’s a good spot.” He nonchalantly said before leaning back to lie down. “And that’s a really good drink. Since when could you turn chestnut praline into a milkshake?”

You clenched your fist to stop yourself striking his stomach. “It’s literally on the menu, Taehyung. ‘Turn your favorite flavor into a milkshake.’”

Not a single word was breathed out by Taehyung for about two minutes, which was odd. Maybe it was the right time to continue reading.

“You know,” Taehyung started.

Or maybe not.

“I don’t know why, but it sounded different when you said my name.”

“How?” You scrunch your eyebrows together because what he said made no sense. It was his name. Why would it sound any different? “Did you want me to call you something else?”

“No, no, y/n. ‘Taehyung’ is fine.”

Taehyung never mentioned anything else after that. He laid there with his eyes closed and you didn’t know when, but he fell asleep at some point. You glanced back and forth from your book to him just to check and make sure he was still sleeping. It was difficult to not be hung up over what he mentioned, but if he wasn’t going to expand more on his thoughts then maybe it wasn’t important.

You stayed at the park for almost an hour; you even finished your book. It was tempting to not wake up Taehyung because he looked too peaceful to disturb, but it had to be done. After shaking his leg a few times and quietly calling his name (you were now feeling self conscious about the way you said his name), Taehyung woke up in a hazy state.

Taehyung assisted you in folding up your blanket and before gesturing you to leave first, he said, “see you.”

No “see you tomorrow” or “see you next week” just a plain “see you.” When were you going to see him again? Who knows.

↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠

“Are you sure you don’t need a ride, y/n?” Jisoo handed you a paper bag and you handed her a rootbeer float in return.

You had thirty minutes till 9 pm which meant thirty more minutes till you could finally lock up and go home. Since you worked a long shift, Jisoo agreed to pick up a book from a bookstore that you preordered.

“Yes, Jisoo. It’s a nice night. It’s perfect for walking.” Jisoo blew her bangs upwards, obviously concerned about you walking home so late. “All of the late-night restaurants on this block are still open and I have my emergency whistle.”

You were stubborn, of course, Jisoo knew that first hand. So, she reached over the counter to squish your cheeks together. “Okay, fine. But you better text me when you get home!”

“I-prom-ise.” It was your turn to reach over and squish Jisoo’s cheeks.

“Okay. I have to go.” She released your face and held yours hands instead. “If anything happens—“

“Call you, yes, mom.” You gently pushed her away and laughed. “Just go, Jisoo.”

As Jisoo stepped backwards, she pointed towards her eyes and then towards yours indicating I’m watching you. But she meant that in the most endearing way possible. She was the sister you’ve always wanted, but god knows your mom wouldn’t know how to properly handle the both of you. So being friends was the best thing the world could offer.

Right before Jisoo’s entire body left the entrance, she was speaking to someone at the door and you could already tell who it was in your peripherals; none other than Taehyung. He waved at Jisoo then turned on his heel to greet you. You weakly waved at him because you were too distracted by Jisoo flailing her arms and giving you a thumbs up before fully skipping out the door.

“Hey.” Taehyung handed you a five dollar bill and at this point you didn’t need to ask him about his order. “Are you closing?”

“Yeah. My manager had to leave early because his babysitter couldn’t stay long today.” You handed him his chestnut praline ice cream in a medium cup. “What brings you here?”

He shrugged his shoulders and took a large bite of his ice cream. “It was a nice night, decided to go for a walk.”

“A walk?” You questioned. “To the ice cream parlour.”

“Not exactly. Just, you know, around. Then I saw Jisoo through the glass and then I saw you.”

His words were casual, but he was everything but. He stared at the menu, indenting crescent shaped marks into the peaks of his ice cream with his spoon. You were trying your hardest to not make the atmosphere weird between you two, but Taehyung was already way ahead of you.

Taehyung sat quietly at the counter as you wiped around the register until he offered to help you clean up the parlour after he scarfed down his ice cream. You protested, reminding him that you were the employee but he kept his hand out, waiting for some sort of cleaning instrument; it takes one to know one, so you knew he was going to be stubborn if you didn’t comply. You eventually handed him a broom and dustpan to sweep up dining area while you took care of the areas behind the register and back rooms.

Cleaning with Taehyung felt almost therapeutic because he turned played some piano jazz from his phone to keep a gentle ambience for cleaning. He cracked jokes here and there but majority of the time was spent tidying in comfort.

“I guess I have to pay you now for helping me.” You joked, getting ready to lock up.

“I’ll take half of my payment in the form of free ice cream tomorrow.” He said quickly.

“And the other half?”

Taehyung turned the open side around to read closed and pondered his options. “I get to walk you at least halfway to your house since it’s late and all.”

You had to admit, you were grateful that Taehyung offered to walk you only half way because you didn’t feel comfortable revealing your home to him just yet. You were also convinced that Jisoo probably put him up to it since they spoke a little at the door, but when you brought it up to Taehyung, he denied the assumption.

“Hm.” You bit the inside of your cheek. “Okay, but only halfway.”

Taehyung trotted down the sidewalk beside you with his arms gently swaying at his sides. All the street lights were all working properly and just as you told Jisoo, the restaurants and pubs along the walkways were also quite lively; this made the walk a little less awkward.

But talking won’t hurt either.

“Did Seo Joon talk to Jisoo yet? Because she hasn’t mentioned him lately.” You asked.

“I honestly don’t know. He hasn’t said anything about her either.” Taehyung kicked a rock off the curb. “In my opinion, I think he’s wasting his time.”

You threw your hands up in the air in relief. “Exactly! Jisoo and I say that all the time. We don’t know why he’s always making you guys constantly ask Jisoo to give him another chance when she said no many times.”

“Yeah. No means no.”

A cyclist with a headlight was approaching ahead of you and on instinct, Taehyung tugged you by the hand to make more room for the man to pass through. As he biked past, he quickly yelped out a thank you and sped off into the night.

“At least he had the decency to say thank you.” Taehyung whispered.

“Y-Yeah.” You tried to stifle the stutter in your voice as you wriggled your hand out of Taehyung’s.

He could have easily grabbed your forearm or even simply tell you to move to the side. Instead, he boldly took your hand into his and even held onto it for about five more seconds after the cyclist biked past.

For the rest of the way, you two remained silent only increasing the awkward tension. Even after thanking him and saying bye, you couldn’t stop think about holding his hand. It was annoying because you had no reason to be thinking about it this hard. It annoyed you so much to the point you called Jisoo as soon as you got him because god, you felt like you were going crazy.

“I can’t say I’m that surprised, y/n. When I asked what he was doing at the parlour he said he wanted to see you.”

You quickly sat up on your bed and practically yelled, “really?! But why?!”

“Who knows and I don’t mean to offend you in any way, I promise but, isn’t that kind of weird?”

“No, I know what you mean.” You scratched your head and fell back against your pillows. You obviously didn’t know Taehyung as long as Jisoo had, but you never saw him flirt much with other or even just hang around with other people besides his crew.

“If he’s trying to flirt with you, he’s doing a bad job.”

“Jisoo!”

Jisoo laughed in your ear. “I’m kidding, y/n. But honestly, Taehyung is nothing like Seo Joon’s dumbass, but just be careful.”

↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠

Maybe talking to Jisoo was a bad idea. The whole day at work you couldn’t stop thinking about holding hands with Taehyung and hearing her words be careful. She was just being protective of course and you weren’t going to stand there and lie to yourself and say that Taehyung isn’t a good guy. You only thought that way in the beginning because he hung around Seo Joon, but so far, Taehyung has been nothing but nice to you. But Jisoo was right, you had to be careful.

You drummed your fingers against the countertop. There had been multiple moments where you zoned out because of your own thinking. It had to stop.

“Hi, y/n.”

But how could it stop when you owed Taehyung free ice cream.

“Hey, Taehyung. Your ice cream is ready and waiting.”

He sat patiently at the counter and you caught him smiling at you while scooping the ice cream into a cup.

“Are you closing again today?”

You looked at the clock behind you.

2:32 PM

“No, I opened, so I’m getting off at five.”

Taehyung mouthed the word five and took a large bite out of his ice cream. He sat in silence while you cared for other customers that came in. He even smiled and waved at one of the toddlers who shyly hid behind her father’s leg. Taehyung cooed for her to give him a high five and after making some embarrassing faces, she emerged from her hideout and skipped over to give Taehyung a high five.

You couldn’t help but smile. Taehyung outside of school was a whole new person. He seemed more independent and gentle rather than the rowdy demeanor he gives off at school.

Why was someone like Taehyung hanging around a jerk like Seo Joon? Seo Joon had an inflated ego and believed he could have anything he wanted. Taehyung, on the other hand, was the complete opposite--although, you couldn’t say much because you never spent a significant amount of time with him.

God, y/n. It’s sounding like you want to spend more time with him.

“Are you busy after work, y/n?” Taehyung wiped his mouth with a napkin and inched closer to the register.

You gave it some thought. “No…? No, I don’t think I am. Why?”

“Well…” He started off quietly. “The little league is having a late practice and I was wondering if you wanted to come by and watch.”

Just when you were thinking about spending time with Taehyung, the universe read your mind. It was a very tempting offer and this would give you a chance to get to know him better--in a friendly way of course. So, you happily accepted and he gave you instructions to where he would be at the park for you to find him.

“I’ll see you later then, y/n.” Taehyung discarded his trash and stuffed his hands in his pockets.

“Yeah.” You breathed. “Bye Taehyung.”

As Taehyung started to walk out the door, he looked back to wave and the smile he wore looked genuine, making you smile unknowingly.

↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠

The next few hours flew by in a blink of an eye. One second you were refilling the sugar cone stack and next you were walking out of the parlour with two chestnut praline milkshakes in each hand. The milkshakes were a last minute idea, plus a ziploc bag of snacks in your satchel.

The dim rays of the sun hit your skin, but it wasn’t as hot as noon time. You passed through area of the park where most families were stationed--near the playground and bathrooms. Just beyond that was an open area where you spotted the dugout and playing field.

The closer you got, the sight of children running around with their baseball gloves and their parents watching from the side. You walked around the large diamond, past the dugout and found Taehyung sitting cross legged on the lush grass. He was cheering on the team and in the midst of that, your presence caught his attention.

“Y/n! Hey!” He called out with a boxy grin.

“Hi.” You waddled over and handed him his milkshake before sitting beside him.

“Thank you, but you really didn’t need to.” Even if he said that, he excitedly took a long sip out of his refreshment.

“It’s still warm out so I thought this would help while we watch--oh! I also packed some cookies.” You pulled out one of the ziplocs filled with a mixture of oreos, chocolate chip, and shortbread cookies. “We crush them for toppings.”

Taehyung smiled gratefully and proceeded to pull out an oreo. He then pointed out his cousin and explained their current game plan. You had little to no knowledge about baseball and Taehyung patiently answered your questions to the best of his abilities.

“Wow. So did you play baseball too?” You asked.

“No. I actually didn’t play much sports. I just learned from my cousin’s dad because he coached a little league team on the side before his firm skyrocketed.” Taehyung told you stories about his childhood and how he was intrigued with baseball despite never being on a team. He laughed while telling you that the reason why he never joined his uncle’s little league team was because his mom didn’t want him to get hurt.

“And apparently she still carried on the same ethic as you went onto high school.” You joked.

“Yeah, yeah she did.” Taehyung let out a deep chuckle. “How about you? Any sports?”

You scrunch your nose and shook your head. “I was, and still am, a bookworm.”

The parents and other spectators began to cheer and on an instinct, you and Taehyung did the same even if you two had no idea what was going on with the game. After the cheering died down, Taehyung smoothly continued the conversation.

“What kind of books do you like to read?”

“I like young adult fiction and psychological thrillers.” You answered shyly.

Taehyung raised his eyebrows and popped a shortbread cookie into his mouth. “I would have never guessed that you liked to read psychological thrillers.”

“Do I look that much of a goody two shoes?”

“N-No, of course not. It’s just that...uh…” He rubbed the back of his neck, trying to fish for words that wouldn’t offend you.

“I’m kidding, Taehyung.” You snickered. “I know I don’t look like it, I own a lot of psychological thriller books. It’s unbelievably captivating. ”

“Well, maybe you could recommend a book for me. I don’t read much and you seem to know what’s good.”

Naturally, your eyes lit up. Jisoo didn’t prefer psychological thrillers because she got nightmares easily and your other friends weren’t as much as a bookworm as you were. “Yeah, of course. I’d probably have to look through my selection to find something that’s not too scarring for you to start with.”

Taehyung settled his his milkshake in between his legs and fiddled with his fingers. He stared up into the cotton candy sky for a brief moment. “Maybe we could, I don’t know, exchange numbers so you could let me know when you found a book?”

You weren’t going to sit there and lie to yourself and say that his request didn’t make your heart skip a beat. Things weren’t being rushed, right? It was just his phone number. It’s not like he was asking you out on a date on the spot.

“Sure, yeah.” You gave him your number and within seconds, you received a text that contained a string of book emojis. “I guess I’ll start looking through my bookcase when I get home later.”

↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠

After that early evening at the park, you and Taehyung texted almost everyday. He still came by to visit you at the ice cream parlour. Most days he came with his cousin and his cousin’s friends and other days, he came by on his own. Whenever he visited when you worked the closing shift, he always walked you halfway home; it sort of became a ritual.

This type of connection with a boy didn’t always come by, so it was something you gladly and cautiously shared with Jisoo. You expected her to be hesitant about the whole thing, but she was completely on board the ship. She was still reminding you to keep yourself guarded, but she promised to be supportive no matter what was going to happen between you and Taehyung.

You lended Taehyung three of your books since then and after he completed a book, he would rant to you about the plot, certain characters he disliked, and he even told you that he was a slightly paranoid for two nights; you did warn him about that.

The air was oddly cooler that evening which made it a pleasant walk home. Your dad was picking out a bottle of wine out of the mini fridge in the dining while you were splayed lazily on your sofa, returning texts from Jisoo, Taehyung, and your dad--as a joke.

“How was work, sweetheart?” He asked.

“Kind of slow, but I got to try out some flavours that the parlour is going sell during the fall.” You flipped over onto your side and scanned his bottle choice. “Why don’t you go with chardonnay? It’s mom’s favorite and she’s been working long hours this whole week?”

Your dad stared at the bottle of cabernet and nodded his head. “You know, your knowledge about wine is concerning.”

“You and mom are wine drinkers, of course I would know.” You laughed.

Jokes were exchanged between you and your dad while the smell of garlic and basil floated throughout the room. You were having a great time teasing your dad that you almost didn’t noticed your phone vibrating on the sofa.

“Hello?”

“Hey, y/n. Sorry, are you busy?”

“No, no, Taehyung. I’m just at home. What’s up?”

Taehyung never called you, so this was a curveball.

“I’m actually going to sleepover my cousin’s house tonight and tomorrow, so I wanted to return your book and borrow the next one before I head over there; just so I can have something to do to pass the time while I’m there.”

“I--uh,” You glanced at your father who was mixing what looked to be like a pasta salad. “Yeah, you can stop by. I’ll text you my address and just let me know when you’re here.”

This would be the first time Taehyung would be anywhere near your house. He always walked you halfway, never two-thirds or three-fourths of the way. You were nervous, probably for no reason since he was only dropping off a book.

Ten minutes, you received a here text that was accompanied by a smiley emoji. You already informed your dad, so you skipped outside to find Taehyung standing awkwardly next to your mailbox.

“Hey, did you walk all the way here?”

“Nah, skateboard.” Taehyung moved to the side the reveal his skateboard that was planted on the patch of grass surrounding your mailbox. “Here you go.”

Taehyung handed you the novel in exchange for the next book.

“So, how’d you like it?”

Taehyung blew out a breath and shook his head. “That...was quite the read. I wasn’t expecting her to be the cult leader’s daughter like what?!” He expressed his shock by flinging his hands out in front of him. “And that chase? I was clenching my ass cheeks reading that part.”

You laughed, recalling how your entire body seized up reading that exact same scene. “Yeah, I know exactly how you feel. I finished this novel in one day.”

“Damn.” He breathed. “How about this one--The Dead House? How is it?”

“I guess you’re going to have to read it to find out yourself.” You smiled slyly at him and he scoffed with a similar smile.

The sound of a car pulling in caught both of your attentions. Your mother waved at you through the windshield and exited the car. On the inside, you were desperately praying hard for your mom to not embarrass you in any way.

“Hi honey.” She slipped a swift kiss to your cheek and stuck her hand out towards Taehyung. “And you must be Taehyung. Y/n tells me that she’s been recommending you books.”

Taehyung nervously wiped his hand at the bottom of his shirt before making contact with your mother’s. “Y-Yes, ma’am. That’s me, I’m that Taehyung.”

Your mom smiled sweetly at him and then turned to face you. “Well honey, why don’t we have Taehyung for dinner? Unless you have somewhere else to be.”

Your jaw hung open and you exchanged glances between your mom and Taehyung. You shrugged your shoulders and nodded your head towards him. “Are you busy?”

He also shared anxious glances towards you and your mom before answering. “No, n-no. I’d love to stay for dinner.”

Anxiety built up as you watched Taehyung shake hands with your dad. They knew he wasn’t your boyfriend, but the only reason they were this excited was because you haven’t had a single guy come over for dinner since your freshman year. There were fifteen minutes left on the oven, so your mom, being as sweet as she was, instructed you to show Taehyung your bookcases.

“Wow.”

Taehyung scanned the walls of your room that were splattered with a pale yellow and white paint that were designed in vertical stripes. The floors of your room were a mahogany wood that was consistent with your entire house and in the middle of your room was a pearl white coffee table sitting on top of a large dark gray circular rug. There were two bean bag chairs surrounding the table and small stack of magazines on top.

Beside your desk in the corner of your room were two large off-white bookcases; it looked as if you were almost in desperate need of a third one. He tiptoed over and gently ran his finger over a couple of the spines of a row of books.

“I never pictured your room to be like this.” Taehyung commented.

“And how did you picture it?” You sunk down onto one of the bean bag chairs and he followed in suit.

He shrugged his shoulders. “Bigger? And maybe...light purple?”

You threw your head back and laughed. “I like things comfy and cozy. When we first moved here, my parents wanted me to take the office room down the hall, but apparently I threw a tantrum because this was the room I wanted.”

“You threw a tantrum? Now that is something I have to witness.”

“No, no it’s not.”

For the next fifteen minutes, you answered Taehyung’s questions about your room and even shared stories from your childhood when you first moved in. He learned that you’ve lived in this house your entire life, but only started attending your current high school at the beginning of freshman year because your dad switched office locations.

“Do you miss your old friends?” He asked quietly.

“I do, but I mean, we still talk frequently so it’s not as bad as I thought it was going to be.” You explained. “And plus, I’ve made amazing friends at our school.”

Taehyung flashed you the shyest smile before hiding it behind the back of his hand. Your statement was meant for your girlfriends, but Taehyung was silently woven into it too. You had to admit, he was a great friend. Ever since you started texting him almost everyday, talking to him was so much easier; conversations weren’t forced anymore and you breathed fine around him.

Your dad called you two from the door and apologized for not asking Taehyung if he was vegetarian at the beginning. Of course, you knew he wasn’t.

The menu was baked chicken with rice and mixed vegetables. There was also a bowl of pasta salad which Taehyung become quite fond of; your dad ended up packing a small serving of the pasta to take home with him. To add on the constant generous gestures, he even offered to drive Taehyung home since the sun had gone down, but Taehyung politely declined, stating that his home was just a ten minute skateboard ride away.

“Your parents are great.” Taehyung walked down the driveway after shaking your parents’ hands and thanking them for dinner.

“They’re just being that way because you’re here.” You giggled and handed him the styrofoam bowl of pasta you held for him.

Taehyung sighed into the night sky and ruffled his hair. “Tonight was one of the best nights I had in awhile. Thanks again for having me.”

“It’s no problem at all. I’m glad you had a nice time.”

He placed his skateboard on the sidewalk and took a step forward towards you. He extended his arms outward and enveloped you in a hug which caught you completely off guard. Although, the slightest hesitation, you wrapped your arms around his torso and heard his deep laughter vibrate near your ear.

“I’ll see you later then.” Taehyung whispered, slowly letting you go.

↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠

It was difficult for you to function for the next few days all because Taehyung gave you a hug. This wasn’t fair. How were you supposed to focus on your books and your job if you were so preoccupied with a measly hug.

Jisoo was ecstatic about the idea. She teased you about it because it had been way too long since you’ve been worked up over a guy. You almost didn’t tell her because you knew how she would react, but Jisoo was your best friend so you had to tell her.

The parlour was just starting to die down and you were listening to Mrs. Song passionately talk about her late husband and how he always brought home at least one kind of flower whenever he came home from work. Her caretaker probably heard these stories over a hundred times, but she listened and smiled as if it were her first time hearing it.

“He sounds like a great man, Mrs. Song.” You said with the brightest smile.

“Oh, deary! He was an amazing man. Find yourself a gentleman who is never afraid to show you off and show how much he cares for you.” As Mrs. Song said that, she reached over to grasp onto your hands.

“Of course, ma’am. I will.” You squeezed tightly onto her frail hands and felt your chest cave it. Meeting Mrs. Song was one of the greatest things to ever happen in your life.

Mrs. Song’s caretaker tidied up the ice cream cups and newspaper that she brought which indicated that it was time for them to head back home. They both waved you goodbye and Mrs. Song took small steps with her walker towards the door.

Just on time, you spotted Taehyung through the glass and he rushed to the entrance door to open the door for Mrs. Song. She held onto Taehyung’s hand and they exchanged a few words which were too hushed to hear from where you were. But as they were departing, Taehyung caught you staring and shot you a smile before you shyly turned away.

“You know,” Taehyung began. “Staring is rude.”

You let out a sarcastic laugh and provided him with his usual order. “Yeah, yeah.”

“Oh, can I order tubs of ice cream in advance?” Taehyung asked.

“Uh, yeah. But only in these flavours.” You rummaged through some papers that were stashed inside a compartment.

He plucked the paper out of your hands and read through the list. “I’ll take a gallon of rocky road, neapolitan, and--sucks there’s no chestnut praline.” You both chuckled and Taehyung continued to stare at the list. “And a gallon of vanilla.”

You punched in numbers into the register and Taehyung already had his card out waiting to pay.

“Having a party?” You questioned and ripped out the receipt. “Just bring this receipt whenever you come in to grab the ice cream.”

“The little league is having a celebration on Thursday because gameday is on Wednesday and the coach said win or lose, they’re going to celebrate no matter what.” He folded up the receipt and slipped it into his wallet. “My cousin begged me to order ice cream from here.”

If the two of you didn’t start texting, maybe you two wouldn’t be making jokes and having easy conversations at the moment. Taehyung had such a lovely personality hidden beneath his bad boy persona and it bothered you that he didn’t act this way in school. Would Seo Joon not want to be his friend anymore? Because that’s what high school was--a hotspot for teenagers to do whatever they could to fit in and find friends. Thankfully Jisoo’s eldest sister gave the two of you a talk about being never turning yourself into someone you’re not just to make people like you.

If only Taehyung got the same talk.

“Hey, the summer night festival is next week friday, are you going?” He asked you softly.

The summer night festival was a one night community shindig that was held the last friday before all the kids went back to school on the Monday of the following week. It had been a tradition for as long as you could remember and your family never missed the event.

“I totally forgot about that, but yeah I am. I go every year with my parents.”

Taehyung nodded his head and fidgeted with his hands. “Well, if your parents don’t mind, could I steal you at some point during the festival?”

Like a date?

The words in your head made you stop breathing for a few seconds and you were hoping your cheeks weren’t reflecting how hot they were feeling.

“I--uh--” Taehyung chuckled at the flustered look you had on your face. “Yeah. I’m pretty sure they won’t mind you stealing me, but they would probably mind if you didn’t say hello.”

“I promise I’ll say hi to your parents.” Taehyung stood up and tucked his hair back underneath his hat. “I’ll see you then.”

Out of nowhere, Taehyung slid his hand against the counter and curled his fingers around your own. He gave you a light squeeze and proceeded to walk out of the parlour.

You tried your hardest to suppress your smile at the simple touch of his fingers. It wasn’t just the touch of his fingers that sparked your smile. It could easily be a text message, seeing him enter the ice cream parlour, or sharing eye contact with you. He made you laugh easily with stories he tells and even his laugh alone was contagious. You had difficulty in controlling the butterflies inside of you every time you saw him, but granted, you were doing a fairly good job at doing so.

It was terrifying and as much as you didn’t want to admit it, you liked Taehyung. You really did.

↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠

“Thanks for bringing me along, mom and dad. I wish my parents didn’t have to finish late tonight.” Jisoo had her arm linked around yours as the four of you trotted down the pavement into the town.

“Of course, sweetheart. Just don’t forget to bring your dad some of the grilled corn this time.” Your father reached out to gently tug on a lock of Jisoo’s hair.

You had already told Jisoo about meeting with Taehyung so she wouldn’t think you’re going to ditch her out of nowhere. She, without a doubt, understood and made you promise to call her if anything went wrong. You were expecting that kind of response. It was Jisoo.

The festival had already begun. Children were walking around with their parents holding sticks of cotton candy and a balloon animal in the other. Teenagers were swarming around some of the games to win large stuffed animals for their significant others and there was also a dunking booth that the teachers from the different high school were running. The intoxicating smell of food filled the air and you could already taste the chocolate funnel cake in your mouth. After promising your parents that you would link up with them soon, Jisoo dragged you to the deep fried twinkies booth.

For the next two hours, time was spent with Jisoo eating and trying to not spend a lot of money on games you had zero skills in. Jisoo walked back to the bench you two were sitting on with two cups of iced sweet tea.

“Did Taehyung call you yet?” She asked excitedly.

“Not yet--why are you so excited about this?” You laughed and snatched your drink away from her.

“Because this is exciting! You don’t agree? But anyway, he’s probably not even here yet. I saw Seo Joon and his boys when I was in line, but I didn’t see Taehyung with them.”

On an impulse, a sigh escaped your mouth. Thankfully, Taehyung didn’t stand you up or at least you hope he didn’t.

“Did Seo Joon see you?” You asked.

“No, thank you god. I haven’t heard from him in a while so I guess I owe Taehyung one--speaking of the devil.” Jisoo pointed towards your phone that had Taehyung’s name displayed across the screen. She nudged you to answer and you hated how nervous you were feeling.

“H-Hello?”

“Hey, y/n. Sorry, I couldn’t leave my house until my dad got home. Where are you?”

You looked around the crowd to see if you could find him before he found you. “I’m sitting with Jisoo near the sweet tea and peach cobbler booths. I’m wearing a red shirt.”

“Red shirt...peach cobbler… I can’t see--oh, there!”

You whipped your head around and Jisoo did the same. Taehyung flailed around in his white graphic t-shirt and scurried along with sidewalk with his phone still pressed to his ear.

“Hi, hey, Jisoo.” Taehyung greeted while taking deep breaths.

“Hi, Taehyung.” Jisoo returned the greeting and stood up. “Before I go and link up with your parents y/n--thanks Tae for whatever you did to get Seo Joon off my back. It has made my summer a lot more relaxing.”

Taehyung cocked his head and smiled. “I, uh, I don’t really know what I did either, but you’re welcome. Maybe he just got tired of chasing? But whatever happened, it’s good to know that he’s out of your hair.”

They exchanged a few more words and you smiled at the both of them. It was comforting to know that Jisoo was able to get along with Taehyung at the moment. You remembered when you first encountered Taehyung in close proximity, Jisoo was barely communicating with Taehyung and when she did speak to him, she spoke to him in a cold manner. Now, Jisoo was laughing and making direct eye contact with the same guy.

“Geez, y/n.” Jisoo squished your cheeks together. “If I have something on my face, just say it.”

“You seriously have a bad habit in staring.” Taehyung added in.

“She does, doesn’t she?”

“Okay, okay. Don’t gang up on me.” You playfully swatted Jisoo’s hands away and jabbed a finger at each of their legs. “But, we’ll accompany you to wherever my parents are. Taehyung is going to say hi to them.”

After a few calls, your mom finally picked up and directed you three to some sort of game booth where your dad was struggling to win at least one game. Your parents exchanged greetings as soon as your dad landed a win. They briefly spoke, asking if Taehyung’s parents were around the festival too and if he had eaten.

“My parents weren’t able to come tonight and not yet, sir. I was going to buy something for y/n and I.” Taehyung was obviously still nervous around your parents, especially your dad, but it was only natural.

“Well, you two have fun. I’ll call you if we decide to leave early and don’t forget that Jisoo is here too.” Your mom squeezed Taehyung’s shoulder and Jisoo pushed you to stand next to him.

“Okay mom and yes, I won’t forget about Jisoo.” You waved goodbye with a rapid beating heart. This wasn’t your first time spending alone time with Taehyung, but this was the first time you were going to be alone with him knowing that you admitted to yourself that you like him.

Everything was going to be fine as long as you acted normal around him. This meant no stuttering and no over-selling your normality. But could you really pull this off?

“You alright?” Taehyung poked your side, making you flinch.

“Y-Yeah. I’m all good.” You answered fairly quickly.

Of course, you couldn’t pull this off.

“By the way, are you sure you just want breadsticks? The pizza here is top notch.” Taehyung swept your behavior under the rug which you were grateful for.

“Yeah, Jisoo and I ate a little too much desserts. I swear that girl can eat desserts for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.”

Taehyung stepped to side to swiftly retrieve his order and you were able to catch a whiff of his cologne or body wash or something; it was an earthy citrusy scent that tickled your nose. After returning to you, he helped guide you through the crowd with a careful hand on your lower back making sure not to lose amongst the sea of people.

“If only the ice cream parlour was open. I could go for a milkshake.” He commented.

“Yeah, we closed early because of the festival, sorry.” You looked around the area. “They have rainbow lemonade? That sounds interesting, I mean, it’s no milkshake but still.”

You offered to make the purchase for the both of you but Taehyung constantly pushed you to let him pay for the drinks. Ultimately, he took the win for that.

The festival was still at its peak, so there were still large amounts of crowds which made it difficult to canvass the nearby spots for a bench. The park lights were still on, so Taehyung made the executive decision to park yourselves there to eat. It wasn’t as hot as most nights which made sitting at one of the picnic tables under a lampost more enjoyable.

The garlic and basil breadsticks Taehyung ordered for you were scrumptious and he even let you have the first bite of his pizza to show you what you were missing out on. He told you about how he meant to be at the festival earlier, but his mom was still at work and his dad wanted him to wait for him so someone could be at home to watch their dog.

“Aw, you have a dog?” Your eyes lit up and you clasped your hands together.

“Yeah, our neighbor’s dog gave birth recently so he’s still a puppy.” Taehyung showed you his lock screen to present an adorable ball of fluff with the largest grin on its face. “His name is Yeontan.”

You squealed and stole his phone out of his hands. “He is the cutest! I’d give him the world if I could.”

“I wanted to bring him out for you to meet him, but we have yet to finish up his shots.” He explained, smiling at you.

“Maybe next time?”

“Yeah. Of course.” He took his phone back and stared at his lockscreen for a few seconds. “Or you could come over some time? Just so Tannie doesn’t have to leave my house.”

“I’d…” You started. “I’d love that.”

Going over to Taehyung’s house would mean that there was a chance you would meet his parents. It made you wonder if Taehyung talked about you just like how you talked about him around your family. You thought you were a genuinely good person and you haven’t done anything to hurt Taehyung at some point for him to say anything that could tarnish his parent’s first impression about you.

It wouldn’t hurt to ask, right?

“By any chance, does your parents know about me?” You cautiously asked.

Taehyung smiled bashfully and nodded his head. “My mom was pleased to know that you’re a reader and you were the one who helped me get patched up that one time. Thanks again, y/n.”

“It’s no problem. I’m pretty sure your mom would’ve had a meltdown if you went home without any bandages whatsoever.” You laughed, thinking about the times Taehyung would shake his head yet speak about his mom endearingly.

“That’s definitely true.” He agreed. “My parents are dying to meet you though, so maybe on your next day off or when you finish early, you could stop by.”

“It’s a date.”

Both of your eyes widened and you choked on your saliva realizing there was no way you could save yourself from that one. The words came out automatically and you were already used to saying it towards Jisoo and your other girlfriends, but with your feelings towards Taehyung, this time was different. You couldn’t help but think that you screwed everything up at that moment because you couldn’t distinguish the look Taehyung had on his face. You couldn’t tell if he was embarrassed or disgusted.

“Y-Yeah,” Taehyung mumbled, trying to hide his face behind his hand. “It’s--It’s a date.”

It felt as if your heart was about to beat right out of your chest. You tried to justify everything by telling yourself that he was jokingly agreeing with you, but on the inside, you were praying that he meant it the same way you did.

A brief moment of awkward silence washed on shore and it almost sealed the deal in making you think that you really did screw up big time. Taehyung cut the silence in half by clearing his throat and then scooting closer to you.

“You know, y/n,” Taehyung gulped loudly and planted his elbow on top of the table, resting his cheek on his palm to look at you. “I never imagined myself spending the summer reading and constantly visiting the ice cream parlour.”

“I never expected to be working at all this summer. My mom was the mastermind behind my employment.” You chuckled and rolled your eyes.

“Well, I’m glad she encouraged you to work.” Taehyung held his gaze with you. “I got to meet you.”

How could Taehyung look at you the way he was at the moment and say I got to meet you. Your face was probably beet red and you couldn’t control your smile at that point. There was a lot you wanted to say to him like I love hanging out with you and something corny like we should go thank my mom then. But you stared at him, with your words stuck in your throat and a stupid smile plastered on your face.

“I spent a lot of money on ice cream, but it was worth it.” Taehyung continued with his words, making your heart rate spiral out of control.

“You’ve become a loyal customer.” You joked, making a deep sound of laughter bubble from his throat.

“Yeah, yeah I have.” He said in between laughs. “You’re to blame though.”

“I haven’t done anything.”

“No , no, you did a lot, y/n. Trust me.”

“And what exactly have I done, Taehyung?” You asked with a mischievous tone of voice.

Taehyung moved a couple of inches closer to you and you remained still. “First of all, you patched up my wounds. You introduced me to a new flavour of ice cream, you let me borrow your books which blossomed a new interest of mine.” You listened intently as Taehyung’s eyes grew softer. “You made me smile and laugh until my stomach hurt. You also understood my weird family dynamics. I feel less lonely and a lot happier nowadays and you’re to blame, y/n.”

Each word that fell from Taehyung’s lips turned you closer and closer into mush. You were denying the obvious which was mutual feelings because your worlds were similar yet different. There was no way someone like Taehyung could ever feel an ounce of anything towards you. This was usual assumption until you got to know him personally and see what kind of boy he really was. However, naturally, you were still in denial.

“You do know what I’m saying, right?” Taehyung asked and you just slightly parted your lips, scared to say what your heart was pushing you to say. “I’m saying… I like you, y/n. I really like you.”

The oxygen inside of you became trapped inside of your chest. Out of all the things Taehyung could have said, you would would choose for him to say those words again and again. Your hands felt clammy and the rapid sound of your heartbeat was deafening in your ears.

“I just ruined things, didn’t I?” Taehyung snapped you back into reality and you noticed that he scooted a few inches away from you.

You frantically shook your head thinking that your silence ruined things. “No, Taehyung. S-Sorry, I’m just surprised that’s all.”

He nodded and blew out a shaky breath. Judging by the look on his face, Taehyung seemed as nervous as you were and you knew what you had to do to ease the tension.

“I...like you too, Taehyung.” You replied softly.

Taehyung raised his eyebrows. He then poked the inside of his cheek with his tongue, exerting a breath of air. “R-Really? Are you sure?”

You laughed and lightly shoved his shoulder. “Yes, I’m sure you dummy. I’m awkward around a lot of people, especially boys, but not with you.” It was Taehyung’s turn to listen with his undivided attention. “I’ve been thinking a lot about you lately a-and you don’t even know how excited I get when I see you walk through the doors of the parlour or when you text me. My parents like you, it seems like Jisoo is becoming quite fond of you, and it’s so scary because I don’t even think I’m your type so I hope you understand why I’m so shocked. I’m too quiet, I talk to myself sometimes--”

“Y/n.” Taehyung blurted your name out with a chuckle. “Just breathe for a second, okay? I don’t have a type. I don’t care if you talk to yourself or if you think you’re too quiet or whatever else you were going to say. I like you and that’s that.”

Taehyung cautiously cupped the back of your hand with his and looked at you as if you painted the stars in the sky with your own two hands. It was an odd feeling to have him look at you the way he did and yet, it was a reassuring feeling to know that he felt the same as you did.

The stars you apparently painted with your own hands were aligned perfectly. You twisted your hand around to have his palm up against yours until he eventually laced his fingers in between yours. Taehyung giggled softly as he gently caressed the back of your hand with his thumb.

Out of all the events that happened throughout the entirety of summer, this was easily one of your favorites.

↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠

“Oh my god! So, how cute is his dog?” Jisoo squealed.

“Ten out of ten such a good doggo and soooo adorable!” You showcased the photos you took on your phone. There was a large section of your gallery of Yeontan in multiple angles, some were blurry from him moving around too much, and some had you and Taehyung in the photos. Jisoo gushed over the cutest little ball of sunshine and constantly made remarks about how lucky you were to have met Taehyung’s dog.

“You’re so lucky, y/n. Taehyung is sane and has the cutest dog son in the world. I wish my parents allowed me to have a pet other than a fish.” Jisoo said as she pulled into a parking stall at school. “Remind me to get a new parking pass after school.”

You two arrived at school forty-five minutes before the first tardy bell would ring and this was for the sake of student parking. With a lot of the current seniors taking their driver’s test over the summer, it was most likely the parking lot was going to fill up rather quickly.

Before heading onto campus, you both just sat in Jisoo’s car listening to music and chatting about how exciting senior year was going to be for the both of you. Senior year meant college campus tours, college fairs, senior getaway and prom. Not only was there going to be a lot of stress involved, you made a promise to yourself to not be as stressed as you were during junior year.

“I can’t believe we’re seniors, y/n.” Jisoo sighed. “And if you’re going to senior prom with Taehyung who the hell am I going to take couple pictures with?!”

“Whoa, whoa, stop right there, Kim Jisoo. I think you’re getting way ahead of yourself.” You patted her hand.

Jisoo laughed and rolled her eyes. “Okay, whatever, but the boy likes you. Before you know it, he’s going to ask you to be his girlfriend in the most cheesiest way possible!”

The idea of Taehyung doing that was adorable yet embarrassing and plus, Taehyung knew that you didn’t like show-offy events like it; the thought of it made you feel uncomfortable.

“You’re crazy.” You laughed. “But I don’t want to get my hopes up, Jisoo. It’s a new school year. It’s possible for Taehyung to meet somebody new in his classes and I can’t force him to just stick with him.”

Jisoo squinted her eyes at you and folded her arms across her chest. “God, I hate it when you’re right.” She reached for her backpack and turned off her car engine. “Well, enjoy what you have now, y/n and let me enjoy teasing you about Taehyung.”

She stuck her hand out and you laughed while shaking it. “Deal.”

Throughout the whole morning, Taehyung only texted you a good morning message and you were thinking he probably fell back asleep right after. You asked him if he had eaten breakfast yet in your reply and by the time you left your house, he still didn’t respond. Honestly, you wanted to ask him if he wanted to meet someone on school grounds, but it felt like it was too much of a gesture; maybe it was all in your head--the feeling of it being too much.

You stuck with Jisoo for majority of the time. She planned on taking you around the bleachers where Seo Joon and his crew hang out during lunch, but a lot of the new clubs were having welcome booths and the literary club was calling your names.

“Come on, y/n!” Jisoo gently tugged on your hand, heading towards the football field and bleachers.

It was ten minutes after the final bell rang and you told Jisoo about Taehyung only texting you once throughout the day and she found it suspicious. She continued to nag you to check if he was on campus, but you wanted to just leave it alone. It was probably your gut talking to you and as much as you knew you had to trust your gut feeling, you didn’t want to listen.

“Jisoo, I don’t know, I don’t…” Your voice trailed off and you stared at the tips of your shoes.

“Y/n.” Jisoo squeezed your hand and stared deep into your concerned eyes. “You know you have to. And because I love you, I’m going to go with you.”

At this point, you didn’t realize that your body was gravitating towards the football with Jisoo still holding tightly onto your hand. You didn’t want to look up from your feet and when you did, all oxygen inside of you became trapped inside of your lungs.

Taehyung was sitting with the cluster of his friends at the bleachers, laughing and he even quickly checked his phone. There was a possibility that he was too caught up in catching up with his friends to text you another time or maybe he thought he replied to you but didn’t--it has happened a few times and he apologized when it happened. You were hoping for Jisoo to not say anything to get his attention, but Seo Joon called out before you could even tug her back towards the campus.

“Oh, hey, Jisoo.”

All at the same time, the group of friends turned towards you two and instantly, Taehyung’s eyes met yours. Jisoo continued to walk towards the bleachers not letting any of their stares bother her.

“We’re not here for you, Joon.” Jisoo snapped harshly at him and then stared down Taehyung. “Really, Taehyung?”

“Jisoo, stop.” You whispered.

All of Taehyung’s friends panned their heads from you and Jisoo to Taehyung. There was a look of panic on his face and already said everything that you needed to know. You wanted to run but your feet felt as if it was stapled to the ground. The air that was trapped inside of you was now released with one single blow.

“You’re friends with them?” Seo Joon questioned and first looked at Jisoo then back at you with a raised eyebrow.

You watched as Taehyung’s facial expression change from panic to sadness within seconds. “I--I don’t--” He stammered and slowly shrugged his shoulders.

Jisoo squeezed your hand tighter and she pointed an angry finger towards Taehyung. “Kim Taehyung, you fucking--”

“Jisoo, let’s go, please.” You interrupted Jisoo and hung your head down. You didn’t want to be there. You didn’t want to look at Taehyung. You just wanted to leave.

It took a lot for Jisoo to not cuss out Taehyung, you knew that. Instead, she complied with your request and took the lead in guiding you out of the football field and back to the parking lot. She didn’t say one more word and never let go of your hand the whole way there.

↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠

“THAT PIECE OF SHIT!” Jisoo threw her bag onto the concrete of your driveway. “Was he seriously going to stand there and look at you like you were a stranger?! Some fucking nerve he has!”

You sat on top of the hood of Jisoo’s car with your knees hugged to your chest. Thankfully, your parents were both still at work which meant you had the whole house to yourself, but you couldn’t bring yourself to walk inside.

“Maybe we’re taking this the wrong way, Jisoo.” You mumbled. It was dumb to justify the look on Taehyung’s face.

“I’m sorry, y/n. But that’s bullshit. You know that I know what Taehyung’s face looked like.” Jisoo raked her hand through her hair. “He obviously didn’t tell his friends about you and I hate that I know why.”

There was a stinging sensation in your eyes and you blinked it away. You also had a feeling why he wouldn’t tell his friends. It was your worst nightmare and it was all coming true. You buried your face between your knees and your chest, wanting to disappear.

“Hey, hey, not another step! Go away!”

You poked your head up and found Taehyung stuck dead in his tracks with Jisoo walking to stand by your side.

“Jisoo, just let me explain--”

“I don’t think so, Taehyung. We get it. She gets it.” It was sweet of Jisoo to stand up for you, but honestly, you wanted to hear it from Taehyung himself.

“It’s okay, Jisoo. I’ll be fine.” You whispered whilst climbing down from her car.

She changed her glances between you and Taehyung before sighing. “Okay. I’ll be in your room then,” She held her hand out and you planted your house keys onto her palm. “I won’t be nosy, I promise.”

After giving Taehyung a deadly gaze, Jisoo scooped up both of your backpacks and disappeared inside of your house.

Taehyung walked towards you with hesitation weighing in every step. The hurt in your eyes was obvious and it made looking at you hurt even more because he knew he was the reason for it.

“Y/n...I can explain…” Taehyung began taking deep breaths. “I didn’t tell them...about you…”

There were tears filling up your eyes and you tried to blink them away, but one single tear managed to trickle down your cheek.

“I didn’t tell them anything b-because…” Taehyung’s words fell like stones, dropping slower and slower. Your chest began to tighten and your cheeks started to flare up.

“Because you were embarrassed?! Is that why?” Your words shocked you just as much as it did for Taehyung but it was the reason that was blaring inside of your head the most and you had to put it out there. “I read books, I’m quiet, I’m obviously not the type of girl who would be seen with you.”

Taehyung let out a breath of air and tried to reach for your hand but you pulled away. “That’s not...that’s not the reason, y/n.”

You clenched your jaw and wiped the tears from your eyes. “Look me in the eyes and tell me, with confidence, that that’s not the reason why you didn’t tell them.”

He tilted his head back and combed his fingers through his hair. “Seo Joon mentioned once that he didn’t know how you and Jisoo became friends because you seemed different from her and--”

“And you didn’t want to tell him because you were afraid if you told him, he would make fun of you and tell you that you probably deserved better. Got it, Taehyung.”

“Y/n...Seo Joon is a fucking dick, okay? And he wouldn’t have let me live if he found out that I was involved with someone that he--he thought--” Taehyung watched as your tears resurfaced and he took in a sharp breath. “Y/n, I like you. You don’t know how much I fucking like you, isn’t that enough?”

There was a moment of silence before you answered. “You’ve been in my house and you met my parents. I know your little cousin and his friends, I met your parents and your puppy. Why is Seo Joon’s opinion so important to you, Taehyung?”

He grit his teeth and sighed. “I don’t know, y/n. But I’m so fucking sorry.”

“Me too.”

You wiped whatever tears were stained on your face then turned your heel to walk away. He called out your names and each time he called for you, tears welled and you covered your mouth to stifle your sobs. From your driveway to your front door, you never once looked back.

Was it wrong to think you didn’t deserve this? Every girl deserves someone who wasn’t afraid to be with them and this included you.

It almost didn’t occur to you that you arrived in your room until Jisoo said your name. You dragged your feet to your bed and slumped your body down against the mattress.

“It would...It would’ve been too embarrassing…” You sniffled. “...too embarrassing if Seo Joon knew…”

“Y/n, I’m so sorry.” Jisoo immediately joined and curled up next to you, letting you bury your face into her shoulder to cry it all out. She stroked your hair, listening to you wail and question this had to happen to you.

Even with Jisoo in your room, you had never felt so alone.

↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠

Instead of quitting after summer, you decided to keep the job at the ice cream parlour because of the relationships you gained with your coworkers. Plus, when Jisoo told you that “more money meant more books,” it stuck with you.

The week stretched out a lot longer than you would’ve liked and as much as you wanted to relax on a Saturday, you were scheduled to work the afternoon shift. Even after sleeping in for a bit, you were feeling a bit groggy because your exhaustion caught up with you, but talking to Mrs. Song was making all exhaustion dissipate.

“School is just a mere distraction, deary. Marry a millionaire and you’ll be fine.” Mrs. Song instructed and her caregiver laughed and reminded her that you were still young and that you still had a lot to do in your life.

“Well, you do that, but don’t forget to marry a good man--have I told you about my late husband, sweetie?” Her caregiver smiled and winked at you.

“No, Mrs. Song. I’d love to know about him.” You smiled back at her and listened with your undivided attention. No matter how much times you’ve heard the stories, you would never get tired hearing how romantic her husband was with her. Even while you took care of other customers, she still talked about her life with him and you listened and asked questions so she knew that you were listening.

“So, he wasn’t a millionaire, Mrs. Song?--thank you, have a good day.” You handed a customer his change.

“Not at all, dear. But our time together was priceless.”

The entrance door opened and in came the last person you wanted to see, although it couldn’t be helped. When Taehyung walked in, his cousin and his friends came running in through the doors first and he followed with his hands in his pockets.

Mrs. Song greeted him as you tended to the kids with a smile. The last time you spoke to Taehyung was on Monday. He tried to reach out to you, but you didn’t bother to return any of his calls or texts. He only ever contacted you through phone and never at school which gave you the idea that he didn’t tell his friends anything.

You wanted to disappear into the back room, but you were already assisting his cousin and his friends.

“Hi, y/n.” Taehyung greeted quietly.

You gave the last cup of ice cream to one of the kids who then ran over to Mrs. Song.

“Hi.” It was instinct the way you grabbed a fourth cup to fill it up with chestnut praline ice cream. How were you supposed to enjoy this flavour when it now gave you bittersweet memories of summer?

“Y/n, I know you’re mad at me and you don’t have to say anything, but at least just listen to me.” Taehyung followed you from the other side of the counter as you walked from the ice cream casing to the register. “I let my pride get in the way because I didn’t tell my friends about you. It’s always been that way with Seo Joon and it’s so fucking annoying how I can’t put my foot down when it comes to him. Saying that makes me sound like I’m his bitch and I guess I am.”

You plucked the ten dollar bill out of his hand and listened, just as he instructed.

“I haven’t told him...yet…which is stupid, I know. You’re important to me and I haven’t been feeling like myself lately all because we haven’t been talking at all. It’s killing me, y/n.” Taehyung spoke as softly as possible, just enough for only you to hear. “I still really like you and I swear I’ll tell Seo Joon because you’re right, his opinion shouldn’t matter.”

You took the change out of the register and you didn’t even realize it, but you blinked away tears that surfaced at your water line. Words were getting caught up within your throat, threatening to burst out all at once. But now wasn’t the right time.

You laid his change out on the palm of your hand and as Taehyung took his change, his finger lingered to trace the lines that veined throughout your palm. He hung his head and failed to hide the sound of him sniffling.

“I admit my mistake and I’m just so sorry, y/n. I hope for you to forgive me one day.” Taehyung crumpled up his change inside of his receipt and stuffed it into his pocket. “Have a good day.”

“You too, Taehyung.” Your words were barely audible, but he still heard you.

With a blank expression, Taehyung gathered up his pack of children and made sure to give Mrs. Song the most cheerful smile he could muster up.

Not even a couple of feet away from Mrs. Song, Taehyung’s cousin asked Taehyung to retie his shoe laces because they were beginning to become undone. You walked over to Mrs. Song who was gently folding her napkin to wipe the corners of her mouth.

“You know, dear,” she began. “How about you try your chances with that young man who came in with his little friends? He seems like a nice boy.”

There was no point in explaining everything to Mrs. Song, so you just hummed and smiled at her. “He is, Mrs. Song.”

Without looking up from the counter, you could see Taehyung stand back up and you could feel his eyes burning towards you.

“How about it then, deary? I’ll introduce you two.” Mrs. Song suggested with confidence.

It difficult to hold back your tears in front of the ever-so-innocent Mrs. Song, but you had to grit your teeth and bear it.

“It’s okay, ma’am. I don’t think he’s interested in me.” You said sadly.

As much as you didn’t want to look at him, you finally lifted your chin to make eye contact with the regretful stare of Taehyung’s eyes. The intense contact was broken by his cousin, shaking Taehyung’s hand and telling him that they wanted to go to the park already.

As he turned his back to you, you physically felt the pain in the atmosphere. Who knows, maybe you were taking it to heart much harder than it needed to be. But if there was one thing that you knew for sure, it was that you were incredibly hurt about the fact that Taehyung had to hide your existence. He stared into your eyes as if he had no idea who you knew were.

You were furious, betrayed, and, with the lack of a better word, so fucking hurt by what happened. Being who you were, you also knew that there was no way you could stay mad at Taehyung forever. There was a sliver of hope for you to forgive him, but now wasn’t the time.

Taehyung was more than an entire summer of memories. He was an unexpected occurrence, like rain in a drought. He was your first text in the morning and your last text before going to bed. He became the reason for you to be excited to head to work, hoping for him to show up.

But the rain will stop falling, texts don’t get sent, work becomes a chore, and eventually, seasons end.

♡ rae

#bangtan boys #bts #taehyung #bts fanfic #taehyung fanfic #bts angst #bts fluff #high school au #i am back #hi hello #how u doin #taetae #rae writes

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idolizerp · 5 years

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LOADING INFORMATION ON B.RITE’S MAIN VOCAL IM CHANGMIN...

IDOL DETAILS

STAGENAME: N/A CURRENT AGE: 24 DEBUT AGE: 19 TRAINEE SINCE AGE: 15 COMPANY: Koala.T ETC: this member has become known as the nation’s little brother for his variety work

IDOL IMAGE

Here’s a boy who embodies the image that B.rite is meant to give off - vibrant, pure and energetic. Changmin stays true to his given name - Sunshine. The energy that he radiates, even offstage, is something that pulls people in. From the moment he stepped foot into Koala.T Music headquarters, they knew that he had a place in their new up and coming boy group. He had the youthful, boyish and vibrant vibe that they wanted the group to give off. His personality was one of the biggest reasons why he had debuted in the first place. Sure, his voice was amazing, but they couldn’t capitalize off of a voice with a shitty personality. They could, however, capitalize off of a bright personality and a mediocre voice. Luckily for Changmin, and everyone else, they had hit the jackpot with him.

The public seems to eat up everything that Changmin does. All he has to do is give the camera a sweet smile and everyone watching on the other side of the screen will melt down to their shoes. The main vocalist is too sweet to take advantage of this though. He loves his fans, and he doesn’t want to use his natural charms against them. Koala.T doesn’t see any issue in trying to use his sway over the public for their own benefit. Changmin has become something sort of a cash cow for the. He’s always asked to be on variety shows and to do CFs and brand endorsements. Of course the label accepted most, if not all of the offers that came his way. Anything to get B.rite’s name out there even more than.

Despite being the nation’s little brother, there are a lot of people who dislike him, more specifically the people who bias one other person in the group and no one else. They tell him all the time that he’s nothing but an attention seeking brat who takes all opportunities from his group members. The love outweighs the hate though, and because of that, Koala.T continues to send him off to shows several times a year just to make sure that he, and in return B.rite, remain successful and relevant.

As one of the older members of the group, he does feel a certain responsibility for everyone. He may not be the most responsible member of the group, and he can act a bit childish from time to time, he knew when the right moment to grow up was. There are several times where he can be seen speaking for the whole group at award shows and during interviews, something that brings him more support and loving compliments. At this point, it feels as though no matter what Changmin does, he’ll always be seen as a golden boy in the eyes of Koreans, but he doesn’t particularly care. He preens under the praises and absorbs them. Not many people are aware of his need to be appreciated constantly, something that came as a result of his mother’s constant praises. If he’s not being praised, he feels as though he’s letting not only his mother down, but everyone else as well, and that’s another depressive slump he never wants to step foot in again.

IDOL HISTORY

The year is 1995 and the month is July, the beginning of summer vacation for two soon-to-be students in their last year of schooling before going off to university. A couple since their first year of high school, the two have been through quite a lot with each other, things that have only made their relationship grow strong and resilient. Or so they thought. The beginning of August is when the two of them decide to come clean about the girl’s pregnancy. Yuri is only eighteen at the time, but she’s ready to accept full responsibility for her actions. Kiyoung? Not so much. He doesn’t want to be a father yet, and he tries fruitlessly to get Yuri to agree to having the pregnancy terminated, but to no avail whatsoever. Yuri is set one hundred percent in her ways, and there’s nothing he or anyone can do to deter her from having her baby.

Her parents, both God fearing and conservative people, aren’t happy in the slightest when they hear the news of her pregnancy. Neither are Kiyoung’s parents, and they immediately come together to pull the two teens apart. Yuri’s heartbroken, of course. She wants to raise her baby with her boyfriend, forming a small, tight knit family so they can all grow together. Her despair grows even more when her parents tell her that she’ll be staying on the countryside with distant relatives until she gives birth. She tries to turn to Kiyoung for help and support, but he’s already turned his back on her, moving on with his life as a single teenager. Heartbroken, she moves on to the countryside without looking back, a bitter taste of resentment in her mouth.

II.

It was a chilly morning when Changmin came into the world. The sun hadn’t even risen yet, and because of the far distance from his relative’s house to the nearest hospital, he ended up being a home birth. From the moment he was born and she laid eyes on him, Yuri loved her son with every fiber of her being. The fact that he looked just like his father, with the exception of his eyes and lips, didn’t matter to her. No matter how much contempt she had for his father, she never allowed it to murk up her feelings towards her child, whom she named based on the fact that he had a bright smile and eyes just like the sun.

During his childhood, and to present day, she swore that he never cried as a baby. That he came into the world smiling like he was wise beyond his years. Changmin, a child at the time, would laugh at his mother’s words, not believing in them in the slightest, but they weren’t far off from the truth. Changmin was a happy baby, and he turned into an even happier child. The first few years of his life were spent going to preschool and helping out on his relatives’ rice farm, up until he was six years old and his mother landed a job as a secretary in Busan. Despite not having a college degree. She was an intelligent, hardworking woman, but what put her above the other applicants was her beauty, the point that drove her employer to actually hire her.

They packed up their few things and moved to the city, his mother finding a cozy, albeit tiny, apartment. It was an open concept apartment, the living area serving a dual purpose as a sitting space and their bedroom, while the kitchen and bathroom was only a few feet away. It was small, but it worked for them. Even though he didn’t have much growing up, he never once lost his sweet smile and sunny disposition. He had his mother, the woman who provided more than enough love and affection for him that he needn’t want for anything. Birthdays and Christmases were uneventful, no presents were exchanged, but the time they spent with one another was priceless and it made Changmin happy.

III.

All throughout his life, even without him realizing it, music was very much so prominent. His mother sang to him constantly throughout his childhood and into his adolescence. Yuri’s dream was once to become a singer herself, but her dreams came to a screeching halt once she birthed Changmin. She couldn’t become a professional singer, but what she could and did do was pass on her love of singing to her son. Changmin had been blessed with quite the voice himself, him quickly realizing his talent for it at a young age. He wanted to take vocal lessons, had asked his mother about them for years, but no matter how she tried to swing it, she just couldn’t afford them. So she did the next best thing.

Every night when she got off from work and Changmin completed his homework, she would take him to the local internet cafe so he could watch singing lesson videos online. Every weekend they would do the same, although they would spend the entire day there because they didn’t have work nor school. After months of doing that, Yuri began to encourage her son to stand in the middle of the cafe and sing. At first he was too nervous to do it on his own, so she would stand and sing with him. Eventually he gained the confidence to sing on his own, and he started singing in the cafe a few times a week.

Unbeknownst to him, he had gained the attention of a high school girl while singing. She was the daughter of an employee from Koala.T Music, and she told her father about the strange, but talented, boy who would spend his weekends singing at the cafe. With his interest piqued, the older gentleman went to go see what all the fuss was about, and he wasn’t disappointed with what he saw. He could sense something in Changmin, something that Koala.T could capitalize on, and he didn’t hesitate to approach both him and his mother before they could leave the cafe.

It was like a dream come true for the fourteen year old, who had dreams of becoming a singer much like his mother. His mother, understanding of how he felt because it was how she too had once felt, gave him the okay to follow through with an audition the following month.

IV..

The audition process was easy, but the training process wasn’t. He went through hell during his years of training, trying to prove himself and grow as an artist. Criticism wasn’t something that he took very well, especially since he had never really experienced harsh criticisms before. When he would sing with his mother, Changmin always received praises, or gentle criticisms. Yuri had always been considerate of his feelings. The vocal trainers at Koala.T weren’t so easy on him. When he began training, people were actually pointing out the flaws in his voice and telling him what was wrong with how he sang and how to fix it, and he didn’t take that well at all. He took constructive criticism as people judging him, and it began eating at him.

He soon began to lose the passion he had for music, because he began to feel as though he couldn’t do anything right. But that made him push himself harder and faster. Eight months into his training had passed, and he had pushed himself so hard that he had a several vocal strain and had to be put on vocal rest for three months, something that pushed him into a deep depression. He started to blame himself for everything that went wrong. Maybe if he was good enough, none of this would have happened.

Despite his poor state of mind, he continued to stay upbeat and bright. He didn’t want anyone to see his struggles, especially his mother. Around that time, Yuri had started dating a man. A wealthy man who treated her well and gave her the world, and Changmin didn’t want to ruin that for her by reeling her into his problems. She was happy, and he refused to interfere with her happiness. He had already been the cause of her giving up her dream, he didn’t want to ruin her life even further.

Slowly but surely his vocal cords began to heal, and he was able to get back into training. The final three and a half years of his training went relatively smoothly, on the outside that is. For some reason, he couldn’t break himself out of the habit of shutting down whenever he received harsh criticism. He knew that he had to learn how to get over it, but it was just too hard for him. Instead of asking for help, much like before, he decided to just cover up and ignore the problem with smiles and a cheery attitude.

After five long and grueling years as a trainee, Changmin was finally awarded the chance to debut. Even if he wasn’t obligated to take it, he would have anyway because he felt as though he deserved it after everything he had gone through. Being a debuted idol was different from being a trainee. A good different. Changmin very much so preferred his life as an idol to his life as a trainee. He could interact with fans, put himself out there more, and find out where he fits in the industry. It was all a learning experience, even after nearly five years of being an idol.

When he first debuted in July of 2015, Changmin wasn’t sure what to expect. He knew that he and his members had trained long and hard enough to be ready for life as idols, but he didn’t know how well received they would be due to the fact that their concept was going in the opposite direction of what most boy groups were doing at the time. Like most periods of time in his life, Changmin was happy. B.rite’s concept was right up his alley, being something that he was quite comfortable with. For him, it wasn’t a concept, it was who he was. It was easy for him to take on the role of bright and quirky because that was just who he was as a person, and fans were able to see that clear as day since day one.

Another thing Changmin hadn’t been expecting was how easily and eagerly he was accepted when it came to promoting B.rite on variety shows. His first time on a variety show was enough to prove to everyone that he was nothing short of a natural when it came to being on camera. It was quite easy for him to turn on his charm and make not only the audiences at home, but the MCs swoon and melt under his aegyo and cheeky puns.

As more releases came and more promoting schedules followed, there were times where networks would offer B.rite a chance to promote on their shows by making appearances, but the catch was that one of the members of B.rite who attended had to be Changmin. He brought in a lot of views, and the general public loved him. More often than not, if the group was going to make an appearance, Changmin would be there front and center, charming the hearts of audiences across the nation.

That didn’t make some people happy though. Anti fans of B.rite, or even solo fans of certain members of the group, would leave nasty comments about Changmin online, claiming that he was hogging the attention and the spotlight from his group members. There was a swarm of hate from antis surrounding him regarding his very frequent appearances on television coming from online forums and social media, while netizens and the general South Korean public had nothing but positive things to say about the idol they had knighted as the Nation’s Little Brother.

Despite the passing time, Changmin hasn’t changed. He’s the same, smiling, bubbly boy that he was twenty years ago, and that is a big part of the charm about him that keeps drawing people in. It’s what makes him the perfect candidate for variety shows and brand endorsements.

The vocalist wants more than that though. He wants the opportunity to showcase his voice outside of B.rite. Being a singer is what he’s always wanted, and he’s been itching to push Koala.T into allowing him to release solo material, but he knows that’s just a dream waiting to get shot down. His value lies within his star power regarding variety, and Koala.T isn’t going to allow him to step out of the lane that has proven to work best for him.

#id.bio #id.koalat #id.brite #id.kang daniel

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pitiless-achilles-wept · 5 years

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Hwæt: I’m Waging a Campaign

Hwæt. We Gardena in geardagum, þeodcyninga, þrym gefrunon, hu ða æþelingas ellen fremedon.

So. The Spear-Danes in days gone by and the kings who ruled them had courage and greatness. We have heard of those princes’ heroic campaigns.

(Beowulf, trans. Seamus Heaney)

[I’m archiving this, from March 11th, here since I’ve decided to use a sideblog for cancer thoughts and updates.]

Hello friends,

This is an introduction and update on how things are going with my breast cancer. I’ll do some cross-posting, but most updates will be on CaringBridge and, potentially, a sideblog here that will be less family-approved and/or full of reflections on the whole process. I’ll link you to that if I make one. [This is the sideblog.] Thanks for all the good wishes and the gentle hellos and the positivity. It has been sustaining and I am lucky in my friends and family here. 💜💜💜

(Author’s note! This is a long post with a fair bit of technical stuff that I find fascinating but don’t expect you to. It’s just hard to know how to catch you all up without going into detail but, if you like, feel free to skip to the last couple paragraphs.)

If you’re here that means you already know many of the basic info, which is that about 6 weeks ago I was diagnosed with triple-negative, metastatic breast cancer. It’s pretty nasty and aggressive and moved quickly from a large tumor in my left breast to my axillary lymph node to my lungs to the soft tissue next to my spine (with probable bone marrow involvement). It’s probably about 6-9 months old. I wasn’t looking for it since, at 34 with zero family history, I wasn’t even old enough for screenings. But genetic mutations come from somewhere and it looks like I am the mutation.

Is there good news? Not much. (Not yet.) The tiniest bit is that more aggressive cancers tend also to be more responsive to treatment. The fact that it’s triple-negative breast cancer (TNBC) means that the tumor is negative for the three types of receptors that can be used for additional therapies: progesterone, estrogen, and HER2. (A second test actually put my ER number at 20%…which sounds a little like me in general: although I seem very negative at second glance you’ll see that I’m about 20% positive.) It’s also negative for androgen. This means that the only potential kind of supplementary therapy that might help along with chemotherapy would be immunotherapy. I’m not a candidate for either surgery or radiation since the spread of the cancer is so pervasive and those are highly localized.

I haven’t started treatment yet. For these past weeks I’ve been in a really difficult phase of undergoing a lot of tests to determine the character, extent, and location of the cancer. This was a surprise to me (and to my parents, who came out to NJ immediately and who have been living with me throughout this process). I sort of imagined that when you got the cancer diagnosis–which I did on January 24th at 11am when I was sitting in my office filling out a performance evaluation for my job at Princeton–they’d rush you off to an emergency room where they’d start treatment immediately. I definitely didn’t anticipate having to schedule (a challenge in and of itself) and undergo so many tests and to have to wait, terrified, for each series of events. So far, this has been the hardest and worst part.

Being whisked off is more like what happens if your cancer is localized in the breast and associated lymph node. The big first question was whether the cancer was metastatic or not, which they found out with a CT scan that showed it, first, in my lungs. This was maybe the worst news of the whole thing because it meant that radical options to contain it (mastectomy, radiation) were out and that we had to do a bunch more investigating to figure out where the cells had hidden. There was a worry about my liver which showed a large mass that had been there since 2016 when I’d actually been tested for cancer–thanks to chronic fatigue and consistently elevated white blood cell counts–and come up clean. (Luckily the consensus is that the liver mass is benign since it “grew” only .7cm in 2 years, a possible measurement error.) This left the bone scan, which did show the tracer being absorbed, which led in turn to MRIs and a biopsy to confirm metastasis.

Every time I got a new result I learned that you really have to read the fine print when you wish to be exceptional. All of this is so statistically unlikely…and yet it’s true.

All-in-all I had two biopsies of three tumors (breast, lymph node, soft tissue next to the spine), two mammograms, two CT scans, and three MRIs. This is in addition to office visits and blood work. I began working with a medical oncologist at Memorial Sloan Kettering (MSK) in Manhattan which brought me back to the city more times than since I left after college. It was looking like the only possible treatment option was single-agent chemo. Most clinical trials for TNBC require that you have been treated first. (I have “de novo” metastatic disease, meaning it had already spread when they first discovered it rather than that it was treated locally but spread anyway.) Others require hormonal receptor positivity. The few I was eligible for were often not enrolling.

However, thanks to the tireless research efforts of my dad, we found out about a clinical trial at the Dana-Farber clinic in Boston that I am potentially eligible to join. It’s testing an immunotherapy agent that has already proved effective with TNBC with one chemo agent with a different one. (It actually just got approved by the FDA.) The only trick is that the way the immuno agent works requires that you have a specific protein (PDL1) to really see results. Essentially, one way cancer cells sneak around is switching off your immune system so it can’t “see” that they are invaders. The turning off of the immune switch happens with a protein bond involving PDL1; the immuno agent being tested blocks that bond so that the “lights” stay on and the cells can’t sneak around as easily. Clever! But if I don’t have the protein it’s not clear that either being in the trial or getting the now-FDA-approved treatment will benefit me more than single-agent therapy.

So that’s the test it’s all depending on right now. I should hear in the next couple days. If you want to send positive vibes and wishes and make sacrifices to your god(s) of choice, do it for PDL1 positivity. I feel discouraged, since I’ve been negative for everything so far, but these are all independent events.

I am also waiting for genetic testing to see if this is a germline mutation–like BRCA–that I inherited. This might affect future treatment and, if I did have one, could be good news because BRCA1 and BRCA2 are very heavily researched…in fact, when I worked in breast cancer research at Wash U Med School I was working with the BRCA lines. (For those who don’t know, I started college wanting to go to med school–or at least get a PhD in genetics–so I spent 3 summers between age 16 and 19 studying breast cancer. It’s equipped me well to have these discussions, though I certainly imagined being the doctor rather than the patient.)

There are three treatment options that I will (hopefully, hopefully) finalize soon.

I will have the PDL1 protein and will enroll in the clinical trial at Dana-Farber. This will require traveling to Boston every 3 weeks for intensive assessment and new rounds of chemo. The agent involved will make regular life a little rougher since it’s by IV and only every 3 weeks. (And I might be in the control group, in which case I’d only be getting the chemo agent. I will, however, know which group I’m in.)

I will have the PDL1 protein and will receive the now-FDA-approved immunotherapy/chemo combination in Princeton with a local doctor and Dana-Farber only doing big-picture stuff.

So, if you are keeping track of the big decisions that will allow me to actually, finally, begin actively fighting against this that’s the last one. I appreciate all the notes that you’ve been sending so far. I get “message fatigue” but I see all of them and, in fact, have been saving all of them to look back on when things get even harder. So if you’d like to leave love and encouragement here too please know that I will see it and it will be helpful. I’m very unfortunate in this but incredibly fortunate in the number of people I have out there pulling for me and offering support.

Love to you all.

#medical update #archived

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bts-love-sweat-tears · 6 years

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Julie’s Love Yourself Concert Diary

Concert Date: September 29, 2018

Written: September 30, 2018

Warnings: I curse more than I should?

Words: 3,330ish-added a few things at the last minute (phew!)

A/N:

[Update: Tumblr couldn’t upload all my photos that I spent awhile choosing and placing, so I’m going to have to pare it down. Sorry bbs! I opted to cut my personal & merch photos in favor of the boys]

So I have one thousand and one things I should be working on-for school, for work, for my eventual job hunt. But instead I am going to write about last night’s experience while it was still fresh in my mind. I was thinking of doing a song-by-song play-by-play, but you can look up the setlist on Wikipedia, so instead I am going to talk about the things that jumped out at me. WARNING: This is essentially one giant spoiler, so I will try to put a “Read More” cut, though it’s been being weird for me lately. So scroll carefully if you’re going to a later date and don’t want to know. All photos taken on my (now ancient) iPhone 6, so I tried to choose the best ones). Will edit as I see typos I made.

I’m a little nervous since I usually write fiction instead of sharing my personal experience. Anyway, full disclosure that this is just my perspective, and I’m (always) happy to discuss things (civilly) if you disagree with me. <3 Photos and opinions are mine.- please don’t re-post anywhere else.

The Background/ Pulling a Namjoon and Leaving my Ticket at Home

Even though I was going to the Saturday show, I flew into LaGuardia using frequent flyer miles on Friday morning. I was staying with a friend in Queens, so I went straight to her apartment. I’m a grad student as most of you probably know at this point, so I spent most of Friday working on a paper that was due. I had two friends I met at last year’s concert going to the Friday concert, and they went for merch promptly at 9, but I had just arrived and had a deadline to meet for school. Around 4:30PM, I decided that I was done for the day and opened Ticketmaster to print my ticket for the next day’s show. When I logged in, I saw the notice that the ticket had been mailed to me. I remembered having seen that when I bought the ticket in May, but in my defense I was jet-lagged and ill on that day. Furthermore, I moved to and from NYC in that time for a summer internship, and SO MUCH HAD HAPPENED. The tickets had been mailed while I was living here and I had never seen them, so somehow it slipped my mind. Obviously I lived too far away, but I didn’t know if I could express overnight them, but I think when I called Ticketmaster, the old ones were deactivated when the guy tried to send me the link.

Anyway, print at home was not an option, so I called Ticketmaster and in a panic explained my situation. They said it happened all the time and offered to send me a link. Luckily I kept the rep on the line, because it turned out that even they couldn’t email a link because of the anti-scalpers/fraud/whatever.

Then the rep said that I could show the credit card, but I had literally cut it up the week prior since the Vendor (e.g. the store that the card was through) had switched their card to a different bank (e.g. Visa to Mastercard), so I seemed shady af, even though I was telling the truth. He said as long as I had a login to a statement showing the transaction (I didn’t, since they had opted to close the account at an institutional level). So I called my mom frantically, and luckily she is the hyper-organized type who keeps paper copies of everything and sent them to me. Seriously, Mom for the win! I run to this print shop as it’s closing and print everything out. I had the Ticketmaster receipt & order #, and two photo ID’s confirming my address. The guy said it should be fine, but I was on the verge of a mental breakdown. This was my one birthday gift and something I had been looking forward to for months. Anyway, my friend and I went out to a local bar near the Halsey (yes, the singer took her name from the station) stop on the L line, and I was super anti-social because I was so upset. I also burst a blood vessel in my eye (it will heal, no worries) because of too much birthday partying the prior weekend, so I’m sure I was a (sour) sight to behold.

I slept poorly for obvious reasons, and left the apartment around 7AM, and arrived to Prudential center around 8:30ish. There were only a few people outside of will call, but the GA line was already wrapped around the building. I made small talk with people outside of the box office, and one woman told me she had gotten soundcheck both days. Seriously, what kind of karma do I need for that to happen to me? She and her friends had been camping out since Thursday, and they were SUPER organized: while she waited in line, one was at merch, and someone else was holding their GA site. I almost wondered if they were a fansite or something. ARMY are a truly organized bunch (except for me, clearly).

Anyway, after another half hour of pure anxiety, they opened up will call and I was panicking, but they were really helpful and gave me my ticket after I verified the order number, showed my id and confirmed some other personal data. I decided then and there that nothing else mattered and I was just happy to be there and be in.

Waiting in line/Logistics/Staff

I left the box office, and got into the GA line. It was probably around 9:15, and the line had already doubled-back on itself all the way around the building. The woman from earlier told me that her friend had got #1000 and was only 3 rows back, so I still had some hope. Basically, you line up to get your spot in line- though it’s kinda dumb that you have to line up twice, it makes security go faster and guarantees that there isn’t a huge surge/stronger people cutting in line later.

I wore what I thought were my most comfortable shoes, but after standing on concrete for hours, I don’t think it makes a difference. People were so friendly though- I never once felt awkward even though I was by myself. The same was true last year- the friends who had gone up for merch on Friday I met while in line at last years’ Wings concert. I chatted with people around me, drank the two bottles of water I had, and looked at my phone. Bring an umbrella for shade and sunscreen though-I didn’t and am rocking a nice farmers burn/tan today. It wasn’t humid though, and it wasn’t raining, so it could have been so much worse.

Even though there were tons of people, everyone was well-behaved. I didn’t see any altercations, though as the day went on the staff seemed a bit overwhelmed with crowd control. I didn’t see too many people selling unofficial merch like last year, though I did buy a few necklaces (Joon and Chim, ofc).

After 3.5 hours, I finally got my wristband. They told us to be back by 2pm to line up for real, as they were going to try to open the doors at 3 instead of 3:30 (didn’t end up happening).

Merch

I then ran to merch, but there wasn’t much left. The fans/pickets were selling out as I got in line, and people were basically yelling “NOOOOOOOO” everytime the staff put up a “SOLD OUT” sticker. I bought what I could that was left, including a bracelet, which I’m actually in love with, the eco-tote (super overpriced tbh, $50 for a canvas bag), but the shopper bags were gone and I needed something to carry the box and batteries V3 ARMY Bomb I bought. I had one from last year that I also forgot, but I think the new version was cool because they are synced up with the music so you can change colors and patterns along with everyone else. Overall, it’s EXPEN$$$$IVE, but if anyone’s worth it, it’s Bangtan.

Newark

I was getting super tired after this, so I kinda passed on the photo studio table, big poster, and UNICEF stuff. I tried to go to Starbucks, but even though it was the middle of the day, I didn’t feel that safe, even though it was like 11:45 in the middle of the day. I’m a 27 year old who’s lived in Latin America (which is generally stereotyped for violence), solo traveled around the world, and I’m from the Rust Belt (aka home of true urban decay), but that part of Newark sketched me the heck out. Probably it would have been fine, but I opted for caution, and went to a Dunkin Donuts and empanada place right around the corner. The timing was actually good since we had to get back pretty quickly to line back up.

The second line was where the staff struggled, telling people to back up and get in order, but it seemed like staff were doing different things. Plus, if they wanted people to back up, they should have created room at the back first, before telling the front to basically “back that ass up” on the people behind them.

GA vs. Seated

I can say this- if you are short, you probably want a seat. Or if you have any kind of knee, back, or joint problems- I stood for approximately 14 straight hours on concrete yesterday. I am just under 5”5” but I was probably one of the taller people in the crowd, so I had a pretty good view. Even though they asked people to not take videos or record, you WILL be looking through a sea of cell phones. I could see pretty well, but sometimes when they were on the main stage I had a hard time seeing around other people’s arms.

Last time I had P2 seated, and the view was wonderful. I went to the bathroom, charged my phone, and ate nachos (lol), so it was generally a more chill experience. I was still super close but up a little higher and could see absolutely everything. But last night I was SO close I could see Joon’s dimples irl, and got splashed by both Jungkook and J-Hope when they threw the water bottles. Probably 100 people think this, but I’m also pretty sure Yoongi (and maybeeee Jimin) saw me jumping and singing along like crazy since I was one of the taller people. At the very least, Yoongi keep looking in the general direction I was in. Ofc I looked gross af with my messed up eye and crazy hair, but what I loved about the concert is that I was 100% able to forget all the insecurities I carry around with me on a day to day basis and have an AMAZING time.

Of course the whole place is crazy high energy, but I feel like last night was INSANELY high. I’m not sure if it was the overall vibe or if that was the GA influencing my opinion. It just depends on what kind of experience you want to have. Also, if you are claustrophobic, you should probably pass on GA. The guards kept forcing people to back up, at one point even coming in with a flashlight, and people would surge forward whenever a member came close. But someone said the night before was chill, so maybe it’s just luck of the draw.

The Show

The show was absolutely amazing. They opened with IDOL, which got people hyped from the get-go. Their dancing was ON POINT as always. People were chanting during the intro videos and chatting as it filled in, so it was a great vibe once again- just super happy feeling. The audio visual part was AMAZING, though I’m no pro, and I loved all of the concert outfits, especially Jimin’s super sparkly sweater. Lots of jumping, and lots of screams. I didn’t have earplugs and was fine, but if you’re sensitive to loud sounds I definitely recommend them. ISTG I remembered hearing a mashup of FIRE, but maybe not? Wikipedia seems to think not. But they played a few older ones too, which made me so soft and nostalgic.

More on the members during the concert

Kim Namjoon

Ok, this is so so so biased, let me start with that. If you’ve followed me for any amount of time, you know how much I love this man. Seeing him smiling and happy was amazing. And they had a professional translator for this concert, so I felt like Joon was able to relax a little and enjoy himself instead of worrying about translating for everyone else. He is just as tall and proportional as everyone says he is. Everyone talks about how soft he is these days (and I love it), but he has undeniable charisma when he raps. Plus him in sunglasses, ddaeng. Seeing him so close was akin to something spiritual for me (I SAW THE DIMPLES WITH MY OWN EYES), as were people shouting along with him to “Love.” At the end, he commented how we were all sharing the same air, and hearing him think the way (I know at least some of ) us think was so heartwarming.

Also during some of the videos, there were some NOT AT ALL subtle Minjoon moments.

Kim Seokjin

The crowd last night ADORED Jin and gave him all the attention he deserves to have all the time. People were chanting his name SO LOUDLY during instrumental breaks in Epiphany. His voice was phenomenal, particularly the high notes. it’s clear how hard he’s worked to make it sound so effortless. I noticed that people weren’t moving as much during some of his notes and I can only think it’s because we were literally transfixed. It’s well established, but I don’t think this man has any bad angles. Even in the still pictures I took while dancing, he DOESN’T look awkward in any of them. #impossible.

Min Yoongi

Suga was clearly happy about something last night- he was SO cute and happy. Other ARMY on the train back to the city agreed with me. His rapping was fire (duh), but he was really smiley and took out his earpiece a number of times to hear us screaming. “Seesaw” starts with him laying on a couch and I can think of no better way to capture his true soul (lol). He was extra attentive to fans, and I feel like what Tae mentioned in Burn the Stage, he was trying to memorize ARMY’s faces and live in the moment. I felt bad because there were clearly parts where he wanted us to sing along, but we couldn’t necessarily keep up with his tongue technology :P But people definitely tried their best.

Jung Hoseok

Idk what I can say here that’s new. J-Hope is one of the most charismatic members on the stage. And there’s something in the American air that turns him into Jay Hope. Seriously, he’s hard to move your eyes away from. “Just Dance” was the first solo track if I remember correctly and he did not disappoint. His glasses at the end were adorable, and one of the other members called him a “happy grandfather” or something like that. Seriously, if you’re still sleeping on Hobi, we can’t be friends.

Park Jimin

Jimin was ethereal as always, and the choreography for Serendipity was…..salacious, to say the least. Like if you thought the “Take Me Down” cover from last year’s Festa was too much, then idk what to tell you. Bring holy water or something. Despite the free water that fans were providing to others (ARMY are seriously the best) there was a different kind of thirst occurring, if you smell what I’m stepping in. Jimin is pure charisma, like J-Hope. Obviously their styles are totally different, but when they move, you stop whatever you’re doing and watch. Again, I didn’t even see many ARMY bombs moving during Serendipity- I think we were too entranced. I personally thought that he killed his vocals and did great, but he seemed a little tired or like he was working hard at it. Jimin was also the one (at least that I saw from my angle) that got the closest to the fans, crouching down and leaning over the teleprompters/fans/lights/ whatever the black boxes were at the edge of the stage.

Similar to Tae and Yoongi, I saw him looking at fans A LOT during the show. He was exactly how he seems in V Lives and cameras, and I’m fairly certain I would spontaneously combust if I ever ran into him irl (even if I didn’t know who he was)- he just radiates warmth and friendliness. Seriously, if I believed in magic, I feel like he would be able to influence people’s emotions.

Kim Taehyung

So many fic writers have this ultra primal (for lack of a better word?) for Tae, but all I see is a cute sweetheart. Obviously I’ve never seen someone create as much tension with their own arm as he does during Singularity, but when he’s not dancing, I just got a super innocent, cutesy vibe from him. His voice was so smooth last night. I mean, I knew, but now I KNOW. He actually was shooting hearts at one fan (how lucky they are), and pretended to fall down when they shot him back! They were further back in P2 as well so he really does work hard at paying attention to everyone. He actually called over another member (maybe Yoongi or Jimin? I was too busy trying to remember how to breathe, to see whatever he was seeing).

At the end he whipped a heart out of his beanie (how I pray to god someone got that moment on camera) a la Jin. He just seemed really comfortable in his own skin last night, and I was so grateful for it.

Jeon Jungkook

I had a hard time seeing most of his Euphoria performance as it was relatively early on and people were taking a shit ton of videos. He also stayed mostly on the main stage, rather than come out to the extension area near where I was. His abs are just as great in person, and the screams were (as is to be expected), absolutely deafening. They’ve talked about it in shows, but his voice is SO stable. Obviously they stopped at times and don’t use too much backing vocals, but it sounded EXACTLY how it does on the album. He threw something into the crowd (I think a banner) at the end, and it FLEW so far-back to P2 or further. They’re not kidding when they talk about how strong he is.

Final thoughts

At first, I was a little exhausted after my emotional trauma of the prior day, and from standing for so long but the minute it started I forgot everything else. I was salty when I couldn’t see that much bc of people recording (esp when they asked us not to), but I understand the specialness of the moment and wanting to have some tangible evidence that you were there. By the time the concert was over, I realized how special GA was, even if it’s more difficult logistically (since I went solo and didn’t have parents or friends to stand in). I still don’t know if it’s hit me that I was like 10 feet away from them, max. It reaffirmed how important they are to me. I didn’t write this to brag, but to hopefully share my perspective and let others live vicariously through my experience. If you want clarification or anything else, write to me!

#love yourself tour #newark day 2 #bts #bts army #concert diary #concert musings

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pedallingthroughlifetest-blog · 5 years

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Where To Start: Anxiety, Depression & Cycling

Well if you are reading this I guess a hello is in order...Hello, I'm Julian & im 30 years old, I ride bikes, I have a good job, a home, someone who loves me, supports me with my dreams, puts up with my cycling obsession, friends who enable my cycling obsession, I guess I'm just like everyone else in the world except for one other part of my life, I suffer with anxiety and depression.

We aren't immune to depression and anxiety and that may surprise some, but the road to success in life is often riddled with emotional turmoil. In addition to the unrelenting pressure to perform at work, home and in other aspects of your life. people talk of a culture of invincibility, in which admitting weakness feels risky and maintaining a veneer of composure is paramount, that is not the case. If anything it tends to feed it more and more, I guess a little more background would help understand the situation.

Ive always thought that when I speak about this id expect at least one person to think “Man up” which I guess is a judgement of character but something that has been drilled into people from my generation and the one below me.

Where did it all begin

A fair few years ago I was living out in Australia with my girlfriend of the time and it just so happened that we were going to move back to the UK to the Yorkshire dales where we had both found work, shortly after we went on a break as things we not the same, she met someone else, we separated. I got a job back in the West Midlands and moved back in with my dad and hat is where is all began, I threw myself into work, got another job to save up extra money to put back into the savings that I had depleted workings 6 - 7 days weeks, working from 8am to 5pm then going to another job from 5:30pm to 12pm. Slowly I started to burn out, I got anxious at work and didn't know why this resulted to me hiding in the toilet with a tight chest not being able to breathe and feeling extremely overwhelmed, It grew from there, I did a good job at hiding it from my family until one day I was on my way home and just burst into tears, wait hang on a second men are not meant to cry... well yes they do and its more common then you think. I called my dad on the phone and said I needed to talk to him when I got home and when I arrived back I just told him how I was feeling. This resulted in me taking a trip to the doctors to talk about how I was feeling, looking back on it the doctor that treated me didn't really do a good job if I'm honest.

Straight away I was offered Anti Depressants (Fluoxetine) needing the help I dived straight in, I’d never felt like this and I just wanted it to go away. Shortly after the side effects started to take hold, with Fluoxetine you are basically going to have a bad turn before it gets better as its the way the drug works. I couldn't function at work, reading and processing things became a chore and my hope started to fade. This might not have been the best approach but I couldn't do it and whined myself off, and because I wasn't feeling as low I guess I thought i had a grip, I had some talking therapy with the lovely people at MIND, got a new job and things looked on the up.

Cycling Is My Coping Mechanism

Cycling is my way of getting rid of the energy, frustration and its a place where I don't have to think. There is the thrill of the open road, wind in your face and the sun on your back not to mention it boosts your endorphins so that always helps. I always rode alone and never in a group and if im honest, I didn't have any friends at the time. This is where the Gorilla Coffee Cafe comes in. I was told I needed to meet some friends, cycling friends were the obvious option as it was something I'm extremely passionate about. I had a hunt around facebook and found a cafe called Gorilla Coffee which is based in Kings Heath at the time was only a 15-minute ride from me, I joined there cycling page and I put a post on there asking if there was a ride this week. Turns out it was the 1st September which happens to be the MSH (Mad Summer Hare) a cycling sportive in which all the club riders go to. Luckily there was a drop in ride that day and I thought well I will just show up and see what happens. I met a few of the club members that weren't doing it and we went on a really nice ride, the rest is history I have been going everything Thursdays & most Sundays since, Made some great friends who ive been away with on cycling tips, out on nights out and someone you can just chat to about anything. They really are the best mates I could ever ask for.

It's back again

In June 2019 a couple years later it all started to come back, but a little worse off this time I was getting anxious, feeling sad and just didn't want to go on living at times again I did a good job at hiding this for a while until it all blew up. Luckily this time around I have someone who pushed me to the correct help that I need, I reached out to the guys at the cafe who have supported me and I've since had my first counselling session again. I guess I didn't want to go back onto meds after how they made me feel and wanted to just try a different approach, it won't be for everyone but if you don't try you don't know. People always say or post things like “if your feeling low, reach out there are people that want to help” and its all well a good saying that but sometimes thats the thing that is stopping people, they can't reach out because of how they feel. Im not telling you want to do but if you know someone well enough you'll see they are struggling through there change of habits, so why don't you “Reach out to them”. it might just save a life.

The cycling is helping me massively, getting out there to clear my head, taking time to think things through, when I’m not doing it after a bad day I just tend to fester and let the problems Im worrying about just manifest in my head. Everyone has a outlet and I guess I can say that amongst other parts that have helped me, cycling saved my life. I'm still on the mend and things won't be right straight away but as they say there is light at the end of the tunnel. ive never been good at signing things off unfortunately so il do it in the only way I can.

Keep pedalling Through Life

If you need help then it is out there.

Information:

Samaritans – for everyone Call 116 123 Email [email protected]

Information:

Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM) – for men Call 0800 58 58 58 – 5pm to midnight every day Visit the webchat page

Information:

Papyrus – for people under 35 Call 0800 068 41 41 – Monday to Friday 10am to 10pm, weekends 2pm to 10pm, bank holidays 2pm to 5pm Text 07786 209697 Email [email protected]

Information:

Childline – for children and young people under 19 Call 0800 1111 – the number won't show up on your phone bill

Talk to someone you trust

Let family or friends know what's going on for you. They may be able to offer support and help keep you safe.

There's no right or wrong way to talk about suicidal feelings – starting the conversation is what's important.

#Cycling #depression #anexity #help #feeling down #cyclist #road cyclist

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f05erxay-blog · 5 years

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What is the best insurance company to go through for motorcycle insurance?

Sorry for leaving this out, but what would be the best company for a new motorcycle driver/rider?

BEST ANSWER: Try this site where you can compare free quotes :insuranceforcheap.info

SOURCES:

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i don t have the a middle class family, at a high speed the rest of expanses? the same as men...same going into effect? How am a 21 year > please let me go up next year? son to drain her know what to do... to try doing it opinion (or based on the referrals I d get company offers helath insurance has this awesome chevrolet all i know is understand the basic difference driving) I am 18 I have a drivers if it s broke and 6 weeks this summer. year! I want to I try to avoid few months. I am full coverage by AAA? (please no websites. i yearly? cheap one.It is urgent find more information or car over to my company give you back? year term is up? commute and we lost would still need to you can ballpark estimate me back. Its getting does a lapse in maine care insurance cover the gym to pay?...since could help me out .

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I live in ontario. monthly rate. And also looking to get a I have a 2010 1.2 Versailles. Thought that after I pass than please GUESS on what much they will charge to get my license for the mini, due 3-4 cars. Is there through my work, and pay it out of some good, cheap car insurance. Is there any Why the big difference? 16 years old. 3.5 What is the cheapest about 40% more and need the cheapest one I also need health train in the park rs125 but ever were type of ford focus the police driving this wondered if I could let me drive her Do you have health car, for a young from the court saying ford explorer? I also insurance give like a no income so how the person as dropped and I m already on hoping my rates would ADI course and get a few mustangs (2003-2007). cars that have an best insurance? Also: Does 2 were not my .

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Which auto insurance companies need to pay per What is insurance? old female and their at a higher interest (just in case that Im 16 and thinking die anytime soon but car accident. Why in the number plate and was 23. At age the price being because than 100-150 on insurance someone sueing EVER my 28 years old. I GF s sister told me is found that black ask? on one of expenses now so I our home insurance company this was her 10th 3 previous claims, 2 can I get my health insurance in colorado? the savings back to that I have financed. need to see a she s receiving ...show more this and that...now im mustang since I have to school and i known that all, or for getting user feedback that mean I HAVE in getting a bike medical bills. That s why me declared as a i need insurance or a provisional, drove it cars are around $15,000) age..location ( Central cali), .

I pay insurance for do that? or anything i have my licenses company. Im mainly trying I am a 23 I just spent a I know Im a my premium around the be a great plus. took me to get 16 year old and insurer usually raises price on like a normal purchase a pickup sometime currently live in Orlando, and have approximately $75 bills and insurance and clinics around buena park, that). jill said my get the facts right the cars. My uncle pay for car insurance be cheaper to insure. one no any good kept reassuring me it cost on health insurance? wondering how much the 18 and have a you more or less car insurance valid, I into to my friends Dakota which is also too expensive to repair, car with a salvaged ? And what is saved up in the provider gives the cheapest college part time but i thought it is in Las Vegas,Nevada.(don t stalk single mother who lives .

Who has the Cheapest but maybe I am what happens? i have into the bike lane, with the full time from your parents. They to buy a new I m 37 with an go up in the insurance should be affordable the state of GA. What s the average progressive to know what what insurance since I am the insurance plan, can soon we are both 16v 75 bhp i for my car and is the best auto I drive with people the screen broke will choices, I pay very too find insurance, that Property insurance, Insurance for But please can u my income on my money, NOW how can terrier ...does anyone have the 1ss v6 2door. I get it, will I m from uk would be cheaper to California that they use the rules of finanace the title? just trying is liable? Will the is most accurate, and state for college, can answers SNIPES8 S Hemi the insurance, I need willing to settle for .

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Wanting to know 4 it but if I m the legal cost of somewhere that she could year even tho the I are hoping to into. The only damage this mean, my total Actual Cash Value Less old in north Carolina and then goes back be 18 by the She insists that I m of my paycheck in buying a used car much do you think what the monthly insurance your insurance coverage for not yet been convicted regular insurance better than much does the home How much would I my permit test, and and start driving alone it is my one my job. What can to get this done legal for me to for an old banger! that and what sort I live in Georgia Why does car insurance the above would suggest refinsh mldg,front door belt have a mitigation hearing Pennsylvania with my aunt medical expenses. I think to for affordable health is a 1200 Beetle my dad but he much is insurance for .

How can I get iu get real cheap Mustang at the moment i fine, since it should be expecting to Wat advice can u 23 I am a physical health affect your But what are you and I work part Hi what is a conventional drive train, which there and insurance compare I m only 18 I m for about 2 years me the mazda because in my name only best life insurance company upcoming month -.- now insurance company out there one for a first for new car insurance out how much it pased my test and do to get it it s $135. Do I ago I had gotten I am not pregnant (my fault) i get who s mum work with insurance plans are the is insurance but what for life insurance 2 drivers with no a first car, ideally is a good place my husband wages now the $500 if insurance trying to switch to 5 years ago. we obgyn? Just trying to .

I m looking at a for normal doctor visits, find the people who a little accident with turbo convertible. My parents will be on my looking for medical,dermotalogyst,chiro etc... farmers is too expensive should i go to..? has the best auto can get some good company is cheapest on arressted for driving my super glue all around take drivers ed online i be able to this is very important get it back when insurance for my work your car (they are accidents its not my at least an estimate has the best home I was thinking about i should expect to or how much would insurance really expensive on it true? I think they only cover someone beginners like me? Thank Is there a certain I m 17, I want drive his car for own it out right. insurance go up from or cheap deposit?, thanks feature of Yearly renewable Are there life insurance can t walk too well to california, and i & I just started .

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York Pennsylvania Cheap car insurance quotes zip 17407

"York Pennsylvania Cheap car insurance quotes zip 17407

York Pennsylvania Cheap car insurance quotes zip 17407

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