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#man I can't believe I'm actually really rambling here but yeah I'm happy to say that I'm going to be back on my stupid shit ❤️
rainbow-burst · 4 months
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I being so fucking normal about this fit on him rn I'm beingsofuckingnormal I'm beingsofuckin nor-
#you have no idea how fucking long I've been drooling crying begging and just screaming for them to do a Lost boy kill count#like I just watched the podcast maybe like a week ago and I'm just like rocking back and forth on my bed like they're going to post a video#<--real soon#and oh my God I watched the video of the kill count in there's so many things I wish they talked about on there but I'm grateful to get it#they did talk about the sequels and.....ekkkk... I mean it's only based off of high demand so let's hope to God no one talks about it#or send any emails for them I mean if they talk about the remake that's fine I haven't really seen that one I know Sebastian stan is in it#oh my God I feel like I'm about to be so fucking annoying about the movie again I think I'm going to just start posting random shit about it#also lately I've been more happy to be posting and drawing again than usual#so I might be back on doodling and drawing random shit or actually I've been having more confidence in myself to start posting doodles#why do I bring that up because oh I don't know...wink wonk 🤫🤫🤫🤫🤫🤫🤗🤗 😉😉😉😉😜😜😜#my laptop kind of sucks now so I'm going to buy a new one probably this month or next month so I'll be drawing and posting doodles#I'm also thinking about posting some of my recent sketches I have in my notebook but don't expect any Picasso or Vince Van Gogh for me#I know I'm good but like I'm not that good lol im jking kinda sorta maybe not relaly okay yeaj am BUT!!!#I feel like I'm back on my drawing shit again and if I don't finish your drawing I'll just still post it because why the fuck not I'm young#let's fuck around and have some fun why not huh#man I can't believe I'm actually really rambling here but yeah I'm happy to say that I'm going to be back on my stupid shit ❤️#kill count
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OC questionnaire
Thanks to @elsie-writes here, @mysticstarlightduck here, @riverkaplan here, and @somethingclevermahogony here!
My previous questionnaires:
Robbie, Gwen, Maddie, Noelle, Jedi, and Kelsey here.
Carmen, George, Akash, Sam, Lexi, and Ash here.
Gabriel, Carla, Parker, Rose, Alex, and Ewan here.
Liam, Hye-Jin, Wendy, Wade, Issa, and CJ here.
Below the cut I will do: Teo, Niri, Jazlyn, Anathi!
#1- Teo
Do you believe in the paranormal?
“Sis, my boyfriend literally can heal a broken arm in seconds. You would not believe the shit I've seen Parker do just because Wade can heal him. Oh yeah, and Parker literally is an airbender. How can I not? If a vampire walked into the school I wouldn't blink.”
What oddly-specific T-shirt would you wear?
“This shirt that says ‘born to shit, forced to wipe,’ I want it so much you don't understand.”
Do you usually cry at sad moments or happy moments or both?
“Definitely sad moments. I mean, I would not put it past me to cry when happy, but I can't make it through sad movies, man. Not at all.”
#2- Niri
Where is your favorite place in the world?
“I have an easy answer to this. Carla and George have a quiet room in their house. I can go there if I feel too overwhelmed or if I want to be alone for a bit. The room also has good lighting. I like it if someone joins me, though usually just a few people at the same time. Otherwise my reason for going into the room is ruined. [He smiles slightly.] I like everyone in the Aequales. Although there is a lot of people.”
What food do you hate the most?
“I dislike pasta. Pasta is not bad. It tastes good. But the texture really bothers me. I cannot eat spaghetti.”
Do you like watching sunsets or sunrises?
“Yes. I 100-percent love sunsets and sunrises. I am an artist. Maybe that's the reason. I feel inspired. New day, too.”
#3- Jazlyn
If you could only wear one outfit for the rest of your life, what would it be?
“I would wear a tank top and shorts, easily. Why? Well, I think it would be fun, definitely make me stick out among the modest Utahns I'm forced to interact with. But also they show off how good of shape I'm in. And girl, I'm in good shape. It's hard to find pants for me, since I'm mostly legs. So why not show them off? I'd probably wear cute sandals, the necklace Ewan gave me, and my gorgeous hoop earrings.”
Who's the person you trust more than anyone else in the world?
“Obviously, Ewan. He is the kindest person I know. He would never do anything wrong.”
What's your dream job?
“I would actually find sales fun. I plan to get a marketing degree when I go to college next year. It seems fun to convince people what to buy.”
More Jazlyn: OC interview
#4- Anathi
Who in this world do you trust most, and why?
“... I guess Tyler. Kinda by default. He actually listens to me. Always kept promises, too. I relied on him for many reasons.”
What was your favorite place in the world when you were young
“The park. Where I could hang out with other kids. Before my powers kicked in.”
What is your favorite memory?
“When Tyler and I first met, we talked for hours. I would like to experience that feeling again.”
I haven't written for Anathi yet so this was probably only okay. Shorter responses are intentional tho
Your questions:
Tagging @writernopal @aziz-reads @mk-writes-stuff @romances-not-tragedies @little-peril-stories
@evilgabe29 @maggiekwest @chauceryfairytales @pluppsauthor @willtheweaver
@winterandwords @melpomene-grey @i-can-even-burn-salad @mysticstarlightduck @talesofsorrowandofruin
+ ANYONE ELSE WHO WANTS TO DO THIS
How do you make decisions? Long deliberation, or impulse? Logic or emotions?
What is the best thing that could happen within five minutes after waking up? Does it signal that the entire day will be good?
Is there anything that you find difficult that you feel should be easy?
TSP intro
TSP tag list (ask to be +/-): @thepeculiarbird @illarian-rambling @televisionjester @finchwrites
@nebula--nix @literarynecromancy
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veeeffvee · 27 days
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Not really a question on anything big, but just wanted to stop by and say hello. How are things? :P
Hello! Things are good! I'm about to graduate from college in two days! :D
And gog I can't believe it. I'll never have to do schoolwork again (hopefully, I mean my parents are pushing me to go to grad school but I REALLY don't wanna). 90% of my life has been schoolwork, and now I never have to do it again. I literally can't wait for all the free time I'll have to do draw and write and do all the stuff that college has hindered me from doing. Like COLOR-TV!
I mean I still have my animatic of course, but my professor said that she'll let me work on it until September, which is DOABLE. I'm almost to the second chorus! And gog I can't wait to show it to you all, I really hope y'all like it because I'm putting SO MUCH EFFORT into this!!!
Oh yeah and lookie! Remember how I said that I submitted my art to be showcased alongside fellow artists at my college? Well here's a picture of that lmao
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My silly cartoony art of Christopher, alongside people's actually good photography and paintings, as well as several complicated research projects ;v;
I'm even in the first few pages too, ughhh lmao
I also made collages of the many many drawings I made for the animatic that I had to put together for the exhibition, and I would show you all them if they weren't unfortunately a spoiler lmao. I want the animatic to be a surprise, at least as well as I can keep this secret!
Hmm, what else... I guess I'm worried about getting a job after college? Because it's gotta be labwork, that was the whole point of getting my bio degree lmao. Hopefully I can score a job working at that national laboratory I visited, because they had positions that seemed interesting. Plus that would be a state job, which is fantastic?? But I'm gonna try not to get my hopes up lmao
Although I'm gonna be honest. If I do get that national lab job, I have no idea what will happen to my activity on this blog. Because I'll have to move there since it's three hours away from where I live, and live on the lab campus. Which wouldn't be a problem if it wasn't a federal facility using a federal network. Apparently they're very strict about what websites you go to. I'm not even allowed to play video games on their network, can you believe that? So what are the chances I can use social media???
So yeah. I want the job, but also I kinda. Don't want the job. Lmao
I care so much about my blog and my online presence man. This stuff keeps me sane, as awful as that is. I need to make things and share them online for people to enjoy, it's just so much more natural to me than working in some sterile lab somewhere. *sigh*
Uhhh have I rambled enough? I think I've rambled enough. If I somehow haven't, feel free to ask any specific questions and I'll be happy to answer them lmao
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tandaforever · 1 year
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Here is where I ramble a bit.
I looked at posts from the other side (no, not the dark side). I don't do it often and I have most of them blocked that I don't see any of their posts on my dash, so it was a deliberate decision. I don't hate them, trust me, I don't think their opinions are necessarily wrong either but purely for my own sanity I've blocked all of them long ago. But I got curious and so I checked.
It's interesting to read how differently this article was received, even on this side of the fence. An eye-opener. And I get where almost everyone is coming from, I do, even if I don't agree with some of it.
Emotions also tend to run very high in our small corner of the internet. But I've always said there's space enough for everyone here and wherever you land on the scale is your business.
But I DO see that in the end, they also want what's best for our boys, or our boy in question. Sometimes it's disguised in a roundabout way, sometimes it's not expressed so kindly, but I do believe that part to be true. Or else why would they still be here? Firmly on the good side?
But being kind and respectful to one another is KEY. It's probably what I value most in a fandom and I've made really good friends who feel the same.
We're all entitled to our opinions and those opinions can certainly change over time too, don't forget. But what I don't like seeing, are those opinions being pushed down the wrong throats (both ways here, I see you anons).
Read the room, people. Trying to convince people or attack people is a waste of time and energy imo.
Find YOUR people, and stick to them. Trust me when I say, it will make fandom life a haven, not a school playground.
My two cents though?
I've been here long enough to know when truths and half-truths are being presented.
I'm not involved in their lives in any way and so I don't feel like I am owed anything. I don't feel relieved, not really, as I recognize the long road ahead nor do I feel cheated.
He said what he wanted to say, and that's enough for me.
If anything, what he said might have been too much, too vulnerable and I hate that I can't shield him from further public scrutiny, further lynching. But that's a me-thing.
Do I believe everything that was said? No.
That person at work I had a talk with a few months ago? I sent them the article, and their mind was changed.
But what was said can be enough to change minds, so it's a start.
The truth, for those who have half a brain, that he's guilty of no crime, IS out there. And that's enough.
That's enough for me.
But more importantly, the amount of respect I feel for this man hasn't changed. If anything, it's skyrocketed.
His strength inspires me.
His goodness still inspires me.
(And yes, even though he's said himself that he was guilty of being an asshole, I don't actually believe all of that. Hell, I'm probably a bigger asshole than he is. There's a bit of an asshole inside all of us lbr.)
He is good.
And I still support him and love him as much as I did before 2021 and even before midnight on Feb 4, 2023.
And I wish him all the best.
I wish him all the peace he deserves. May he find what makes him happy and revel in it.
I'll still be here. Gushing over two men who has always had an undeniable, life long, soul binding connection, since the very moment they met.
Cuz yeah, I'm still a Charmie too. 😘
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le-panda-chocovore · 3 months
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Can I ask your top 10 fav fics ever (from any fandom, if you don't mind)?
Also, just curious, is there a story behind your name "le-panda-chocovore "?
Oh I think I can actually answer that without rambling too much !! (<- took an entire week to answer the ask and select the fics, and I commented on each one of them lol) It won't be a Top in order of preference tho, there's no actual classment, it's just the ones I loved the most.
The Way I Behaved - EraserMic (MHA)
This fanfic gave me the inspiration to write my greatest work (still unfinished to this day) and literally changed so many things about me. It also made me discover a whole genre of music that I've never listened to before and with which I am entirely in love now. Prepare to cry tho, because this is deeply heartbreaking. It's a Villain Mic AU where Aizawa was never a teacher. And it is good.
What if Percy did become a God - Percy Jackson and the Olympians (based on the books !!! do not read if you just watched the show !!!)
The title says everything. This is not a happy story, you will cry, I promise. It's short, like a 1k word OS, it's really poetic, it's deep, it's beautiful, and also, it's painful. Humans were never meant to be gods, not even Percy. It's written like a poem, I read it so many times and it hurt me every time.
Demon and Angel Professors - Ineffable Spouses (Good Omens)
Not a fanfiction but a serie of short works about Crowley and Aziraphale and the people around them. A teachers AU very nice to read with many Original Characters (the students) who are all captivating and appreciable. The story is extremely queer-positive and neurodivergent inclusive and physical handicap representative, honestly, you want to read it. There's everything inside it. If you have chronic pain or if you're a closeted queer or even a curious ally who wants to understand their peers, this is what you need. The love is so pure it's overwhelming.
Honor and Vengeance on the High Sea - Zuko (ATLA)
Tbh this deserves to be published, it's a novel itself (I haven't finished it yet). The author reappropriated the Avatar universe to write something completely new. It's an AU where Zuko becomes a Pirate after his banishment and fights against the Fire Nation Navy, and eventually joins the Avatar's team. There's a whole work around internalized homophobia, the discovery of the self, acceptance, injustice, family trauma and everything. Original Characters are cool too. Chapters are long and very, very complete, you can see the author has historical and cultural knowledge.
Strength, the meaning of - Asano Gakuhou (Assassination Classroom)
I can't believe a fanfic about this total asshole made it to my top 10, but it is beautifully written. The progressive mental breakdown of a man who used to stand proud above everyone, the slow fall down to hell without even realizing it. There's also his son's POV here, which is equally beautifully written. I really hate the man and I don't like the fact that the end of AssClass completely disregard the consequences of what happened on the character's mental state, and reading how even him wasn't okay at all is very pleasant to read. That's karma my bitch.
Je suis assis - BokuAka (Haikyuu)
Yeah it's in french and on wattpad. It has been a while since I read it but I still remember the principal. It's a OS anyway so it's not very long (we didn't do that 20k words OS on Wattpad, this madness is only popular on AO3 lol). Since I'm sensitive to everything that is around handicap, it touched me. It ended up being cute and warm. Honestly I was more thinking of another BokuAka fanfiction but I couldn't remember the name nor found it online so I put this one.
25 - Riren (SnK)
Yeah yeah I know, pedo ship etc, but I was 14 and this is a High School AU where they're both 16 so, it's okay I guess. Yes the name of the fanfic is twenty-five. It's in french, it's on wattpad, and there's Eren's POV too. I don't know how I'm supposed to describe it... I think you have to read it, it's not actually strange or weird but, it's a whole experience.
Here there be dragons - Centennial Husbands (the Sandman)
This is the exact definition of love. What is love to me ? This fanfiction. Engagement, devotion, caring, this is it, this fanfic has the meaning of all these words. I had a hard time reading it because I hate ultra-long OS (I need CHAPTERS, give me a BREAK) but it was soooo enjoyable, and I was crying the whole time 'cause it's so pure and beautiful.
Palm to Palm - KaRen (Assassination Classroom)
Yes I am a part of the extremely tiny fandom that ships Karma and Ren (I do ship Karma with multiple people throughout the manga lmao) but only in THIS specific context. And this is beautifully written, I can't stop re-reading it. Also, the name of the ship makes me laugh. Karma and Ren relationship after losing Gakushuu -the boy they both love above everything else- is peak romance.
Le goût du chocolat - L x Light (Death Note)
I honestly don't remember a thing about this fanfiction except a single sentence, but I do know that I totally fell in love with it. It was one of my fave fanfic when I was full active on Wattpad, and I even archived it because I didn't want to lose it. I should read it again now that I found it again.
Alright that's 10 !!! Finally !!
Oh it was so fun to fall back into all the things I read before ! But it was harder than I expected because, well, I only have AO3 for 3 years and I've been on Wattpad for 7 years, but I started reading fanfiction even before that, I just didn't have any account back then. So, I kinda forgot about some of the things I read more than 4 years ago, and I couldn't find the gems I discovered when I was 12. Most of the books that made out to this list are my recent lectures, it's a bit biased I guess.
Anyway, thank you for the ask ! It was fun to analyze all my bookmarks and everything !
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petitmimosa · 7 months
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Sending you some virtual hugs. I feel you.
I read your post about Yuzu and his fans and I have that feeling for a long time. I really love Yuzu's skating but the constant downputting of other skaters is annoying as hell. Also constantly bringing up old stuff when Yuzu competed and hold it against skaters in current judging is completely nonsense. Now is now. I hate the victim card ppl play for Yuzu all the time even when he's not affected by any kind of scoring nonsense anymore.
I actually haven't seen the current debates, but I have seen enough and been attacked enough over the years to have an idea. I stopped following a lot of accounts a few years ago - before Beijing even - which lead me to missing information about Yuzu but it made me more at peace myself. I just follow those Fanyus who don't engage in hatred towards other skaters.
I know Yuzu is not at fault for his fans behavior and I feel very sad that their behavior tainted my love for Yuzu. 😭
Answer this as you like as private answer or not or also not answer it at all. I don't mind just here to tell you that you should do whatever feels best for you.
Hiii!
Thank you very much for taking the time to message me.
It's pretty much always the same, how dare they mention quad revolution without saying Yuzu was the one who launched it? (when even Yuzu himself in 2015 said he was inspired by Boyang bringing the 4lz to be stronger...). How dare they give a skater 9 in PCS when Yuzu had more artistry? .....What does that even mean?
It's the constant need to bring a skater down and compare them to Yuzu that I can't take anymore. It's even doing Yuzu a disservice because Fanyus don't have the greatest reputation out there and they're just digging and digging their already very deep grave.
I actually enjoyed Angers, scores aside because that'll never improve, and you can't even be happy for skaters without being reminded that YUZU DID IT WAY BETTER. What's the point? They believe ISU will erase his legacy by dictating what commentators say when they're actually the ones tarnishing it by bringing so much anger and pettiness into the mix.
They even went after Mark Henretty who's the most dedicated one we've had EVER because they weren't happy with a small thing he said last season.
So yeah, I'm at a point where I'd rather not know what Yuzu is doing (even here on Tumblr because it'll remind me that fstwi exists) than have to deal with their bitterness. The man is HAPPY, this need to avenge him is mute. They're on a crusade against the void and I wonder sometimes whether they'll it go at some point or will just continue because not getting what they want out of it will simply make their anger stronger.
"I feel very sad that their behavior tainted my love for Yuzu. 😭" this hit very hard because I'm fighting it like crazy, have been for the past year actually. When before it was anxious anticipation and nerves but joy, now I'm just dragging my feet.
And I think just maybe, having solid Yuzu material once a year doesn't help either, whether it's the fans trying to sty positive in this sea of negativity, or even them because they don't hve much to turn to. Don't get me wrong, GIFT and RE_PRAY are incredible and time consuming but once you've watched it 30 times then what? You go back to Chopin and Seimei and H&L... and you compare the skaters still active to these performances. The wheel never stops turning.
I'm rambling, sorryyy.
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chidoroki · 9 months
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182 Days of TPN - Day 134
Chapter 134: "Lost Boy"
I assume this moment happens sometime in-between the later half of ch136 but with the way Ray speaks here, it makes me wonder how much time really passed during those two pages he spent alone, I think. Did the Seven Walls just mess with his head in true tsukuyomi fashion or has it only been the short amount of time it took Emma to disappear, figure out how the Seven Walls works, and then return? Who knows.
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Seeing him age definitely leads ya to believe a severe amount of time has indeed passed and that caused me to worry more the first time. All those moments making fun of Yuugo and calling him a geezer came back to haunt Ray.
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I was about to say, "oh, just be happy you don't encounter Goldy Pond again," til I remember that they do actually revisit that place in the upcoming chapters. It's far less dangerous without the poachers around for sure, but still remains a challenge while inside the Seven Walls.
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Man, I dunno how I'm only thinking of this now, but I'm so bummed how the duo don't encounter a fake Yuugo here like they did with Isabella at GF house. I guess season two took inspiration from this and said "yeah, let's also make the monitor room empty."
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I believe I rambled on about this during my physical reread a few years back but shelter itself is constantly changing right in front of their eyes, as if the Seven Walls are distorting their memories and causing their perception of reality to glitch in real time. That's gotta be so stressful for them to deal with but I'd would've loved to see this entire arc animated darn it.
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The Seven Walls really landed a critical hit on Ray's mind. He went from having a fair amount of determination to losing all hope, which is understandable with the mental roller coaster we soon see him experience. Can't deny his thoughts sound rather poetic though.
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Favorite panel/moment:
Would it be repetitive if I made another stupid comment about the disappointing second season with this? Because yeah.
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Firstly, THE COMMENTS ON THE TEXT CONVIS POST!!! I'M PISSING 😭😭 He's so desparate, I can see him killing another assassin and stealing his phone just to text us to unblock him
About giivng Mandy a sibling, I think Tan would consider it since he'll want her to have someone like he has Lem
Also, Mandy swearing because she accidently heard Tan swear once?
You said his look can be intimitating, even if it's soft. Imagine we look away or hide in his shoulder, so he softly grabs our face to make us look at him. 🫠🫠
Buying him lolipops to replace a cig for when he can't smoke? And they're cherry flavor? :))
Sorry I'm always asking those things but have you thought about a backstory for us and Tan? I made one but I think it sounds kinda silly so I don't know if I should send it
I know I sound like a broken record since I already said this in like 3 already. I really do enjoy being back and writing to you, I was afraid my love for him was fading away, I didn't like any ideas I wrote in my notes and was overall pretty sad. (He was still on my mind, it's as if this man made himself a cozy room in my brain and is never leaving) I got sick in january so I had to stay at home and thought I might as well rewatch the movie. So many scenes and snarky remarks of him got me thinking "oh yeah that's why I fell in love with him". So now I'm here again. I love reading your response as well as the comments. 💗💗  Sorry for the ramble I wanted to get it off my chest
(Just wanted to ask, the next time your requests will be open, would you be ok with writing a small fic, like 700 words? If no that's completly fine !! I already saved a headcanon and small drabble for next time :)) Planning on sending more text convos this weekend
Also love your atj shirt. Might have to get a custom one for my bday <3 💺 anon
— right??? 😭😭😭 omg yes!! or even having to go out and get another sim card in order to text you. he probs has a stash of miscellaneous blocked ones piled somewhere
— he so would!! he would want her to have a best friend in sibling form. he wants for her to have someone she can talk to when older. and all those sibling bonding things
— she definitely has😭😭 I believe fuck is an easy one to say?? so that might be her first
— AAARDFGH !!! YES YEA YEAH YUP YEP
— super super cute!!! and cherry!! sneaky, I like it
— you know what, I actually haven’t. I prefer civilian readers, so it’s a little difficult bc being assassin would be easier to connect. but I have a concept idea of their relationship, but not how they met. don’t be daft, nothing you’ll send would be silly. you’re more than welcome to send it in if you’re comfortable. there’s no such thing as silly around here
— I really do as well!! it’s actually fun to talk to someone about him like this rather than myself all the time😭 awh!!! im glad you’re back into him now !! (and hope you’re feeling better now) never be sorry, thank you for sharing 💓💓
— they’re still open if you want to send something in, luckily been working through my inbox pretty fast so now I have a decent enough backlog in my drafts. and yes, ofc, that’s absolutely fine angel. looking forward to the text convos!! they were real fun
— AAAAH THANK YOU!! yes yes get one!! and happy birthday in advance if it’s coming up soon, if it is send in an ask so I can wish you a HBD💓
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quirkle2 · 2 years
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WAIT WAIT if wars is exiled from his own home ,,,, the amount of dread. he would feel when LU is over and the found family is unfounded my god . like yes, he still wouldn't regret it bc it happened over him standing up for ledge, but that opens up the problem of homelessness and not to mention the spiral he'd probably go down from losing the family he's grown so used to having by his side. from how you've said it, im guessing he really has nobody to lean back on in his own time. i can see him digging his own way out and still finding a way to live happily but the way you've set it up makes at least the first few months for wars post-LU hurt and i am here for it <33
WIGGLES WIGGLES RUNS AROUND IN CIRCLES i actually have . an lu ending established in my head. i wont ramble abt it here cuz i don't wanna stray from ur ask but could y'all possibly indulge me sometime and let me ramble abt the Literal Best Case Scenario that will indeed give wars a very happy ending . it's my beloved ranch au and i cherish it deeply looks at u all like a pathetic little wet dog that's begging for scraps
BUT IF UR HERE FOR HURT,,,, i think i have some. in my head this is sort of a What If scenario—horrible-no-good-terrible-worst-case scenario—cuz i'm a little bitch boy who can't handle unfounded family and ill sob for three days straight if it ever happens for real but i can destroy him in hypothetical scenarios . for the funsies
(warning for unfounding the found family . and also additional stuff in the tags)
he Would be homeless and honestly he'd be damn hard-pressed to find any inn or business who would allow him service. imagine: he's just said goodbye to the chain and he's an absolute wreck—emotionally exhausted and Yeah rly fuckin hopeless, and he trudges to the nearest town he can find and discovers that 1) everybody he sees looks at him w malice, and 2) all of the business owners in town Refuse service to him
he discovers that somehow, at some point, false word had gotten out that their hero "abandoned" them. the stories r all different, and wars has no idea how they originated—some of them claim he simply quit and left, some say he Attacked The Queen and went rogue, some call him a traitor and accuse him of working with and fleeing to other countries, and some think he's Dead
and that . is a fucking slap to the face. he's been training 24/7 since he was 9 years old, put up w the abuse and neglect from his shitty father all the while, risked his life every day when promoted to captain to defend this kingdom from enemies and traitors alike, and when his people abandon him, they accuse him of treason and say he left his home to rot.
he walks through the streets of this town and most families are ushering their children into houses bc they heard the one-man army hero has gone mad. some of the more hostile, up-front people take him head on, spout death threats at him, swipe at him w blades and torches. he can't escape into a building bc no owner will let him in. he Has to flee
and u can imagine how the rest of his days go. search for a town, get chased out, camp in the woods and survive on scraps and dirty river water until he can find another town that prolly Won't sell him anything. he's fucked. he's truly and royally Fucked.
occasionally, he's saved by a town or two that leans toward the other side of things and some people don't believe the stories. some people think he was wronged, some believe he was Murdered, some think he simply fuckin retired, it varies. they're usually nicer to him, sometimes indifferent. the kinder people take him in, give him clean clothes and a warm meal and let him stay at the inn at a discount and sometimes even for free, if he looks particularly ragged or starved (he . is indeed lookin a little thin). he makes sure to thank them plenty
one time, he's invited into a nice family's house and they cook a hearty meal for him, offer a guest bed to rest in. and then they try to kill him in his sleep.
he doesn't take any handouts after that.
it takes a while—and i mean a while—to find somebody who's willing to let him rent a property or stay at an inn for an extended period of time. most people r wary of him, and since they've all heard the stories of how unstoppable he is, to regular old people he now seems like a monster. eventually though, he does find a place and folk who don't think he's all bad that'll let him stay if he pays well. he has plenty of money—he just hasn't been Allowed to spend any of it
that whole other ask ? the whole Point of the scarf deal, and what it symbolizes ? it's . kinda shredded into pieces in this scenario. yes, he did get better from his time in the war and Yes, the scarf still represents him finally finding a family to love and happiness to be had, but . now that's gone. his family is Gone. literally all that he has left is his mother's scarf, and even what it represents feels,,,,,,,,, soiled
he can't even visit his mother's grave. the cemetery is in castle town. he's been robbed of Literally Everything
.,, yeah ok that's all im so sorry GVIEAGYV hate to cut it short but this is too sad for me and like I said I'm a goddamn little bitch boy and if he doesn't get happiness RIGHT NOW !!!!!!!!!! I'LL DIE!!!!
i like to think he'd get better. but honestly ? that's . so much on him. all that on Such a sensitive and sweet person is a lot. i feel like he'd be miserably unhappy and hopeless for . a long time
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chemiicalformula · 2 years
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Ok bc of your doctor jekyll and mr hyde post I am now extremely curious. What's your favorite interpretation of the original story?
ah! hello anon!! sorry i took a while, i usually don't get asks and this honestly made me very happy!!! 🧪 buckle up because you've just opened the flood gates
(also i use commas like my life depends on it, so my apologies in advance for run-ons)
so, let's see, my favorite interpretation of the strange case of... , that's a bit of a tough one seeing as i like quite a few i've seen around and also my own, sort of, which is...
essentially, what i got was henry jekyll and edward hyde are both henry jekyll. one man, two bodies ; not two men, one body/head/mind, you get me? i don't exactly enjoy how media has turned them into a "split personality" symbol when that's not what the original story was about, and i also don't really enjoy how people try to write off henry as some sort of saint when he was simply going incognito mode by mixing a potion and disguising himself so he could try and just live life until it unfortunately took a turn for the worst
and with that said, i feel i must address that when it comes to the movies (although i absolutely love fredric march's performance as the doctor and mister hyde in the 1931 film) i really hate that most of them try to:
A. make him appear far younger and more innocent/naive than he is because come on, he's written as a large, fifty year old man who is a bit (well actually a lot) unhinged and selfish but knows how to act like he's not (and i love him for it)
B. have him be engaged to marry a woman (most times the daughter of sir danvers carew when that's the dude he literally murdered like huh???) when i'm a firm believer (as a bisexual nb man) in henry jekyll being someone who was forced to hide his sexuality because of the strict victorian society he lives in, so he just never marries and goes on about his life alone out of shame with a hint of fear
C. try to pass it off as some sort of intrusive thoughts or split personality thing because it's not either, and finally
D. don't add in utterson or hastie because!!! come on man, they were in the story too! and poole, and enfield because some of their dialogue made me giggle for no reason (in all honesty, i find a lot of the book very humorous but maybe that's just because i love the characters and feel a strong connection to the premise given personal reasons)
now, i do love hearing theories; one big example is utterson thinking hyde was some sort of secret lover or even more outrageous (a long lost son??!) who's planning to blackmail jekyll. it's really funny to me in a dark comedy sort of way because it's such a huge leap to make seeing as gabriel is one of his best friends, yet he came to that kind of conclusion so quickly after henry said edward hyde was someone of interest to him, but given the time period and the customs, it's not surprising to understand why he could be thinking that (plus i don't think jekyll running down the stairs after waking up as hyde in his hilariously oversized clothes or filling hyde's townhouse with expensive stuff made it any better)
"i can't pretend i shall ever like him." GABRIEL, DEAR SIR, THAT'S JUST JEKYLL YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!! and it's so funny!!
i also love the interpretations by everyone who says they head canon henry jekyll/edward hyde as being on the spectrum or/and that he's trans, because hell yeah dude, as someone who is both, i will give all of you a high-five for being so rad and so cool
i feel like there's more i could say but i've rambled so much already and i apologize for that, but thank you once again for the ask and feel free to message me if you ever want to talk about more (anyone for that matter can do so because i really want to engage with more fans!!) 💉
bonus : for reading this far, here's a silly drawing
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Avatar Ty Lee AU:
I don't remember if this was asked but how does The Blind Bandit episode go?
Okay so overall they end up at the same underground tournament. And have fun watching because even if none of the contestants are the 'right teacher', they are good Earthbenders.
Though the one contestant 'Fire Nation Man' gets a shared look of 'my dude........ The fuck.....'
Anyway!
Eventually we get to 'the Blind Bandit'. Which has Aang and Ty Lee go 'oh shit she's the girl from the swamp vision!'(which has the rest of the group realize 'oh shit that made sense why do sentences like that make sense now?')
I'm gonna have Ty Lee be the one to try and talk to her and she's a lot more rambling than Aang and just starts straight up talking even as Toph is like '???? We're supposed to be fighting??? No I'm not going to teach you leave me alone???'
Eventually Toph gets knocked out of the ring like in Canon, and just disappears when anyone tries to chase after her.
The group starts looking for Toph outside in town. And they eventually hear about the Beifong family, but no one in town ever heard of them having a daughter(which.... is Canon).
This.... honestly raises some red flags. So when they talk to the Beifongs and meet Toph again, they're a bit more delicate instead of nearly outing her 'double life' and causing less tension during dinner.
Later, Ty Lee and Toph are the ones talking in the gardens.
And I want this talk to be a lot longer and like. Ty Lee saying more on the 'You're not happy here. Sure, your parents might in their own way love you. But do they love /you/? Do they love the person you really are?'.
And Toph tries to be aloof about it, but Ty Lee has already seen through that persona. So she admits that she's a little terrified of it. Because it's one thing to sneak out and kick ass at Earth Rumble. But to actually run away on her own for real? Oh, for sure she believes she could. But she fears less that she won't make it out there alone, but more that if it does end up that she isn't able to do so, that it'll be about her being 'blind and helpless' less than it is about her being a child.
Ty Lee is all 'well, you could always run away with us. We've seen you. The real you. And we all have our issues and things we can't do. We rely on each other not because we have to, but because we want to. Because it's good to have people around who have different skills. That way, you'll still be somewhere you can be purely just you, but you don't have a fear of failure."
Toph low-key points out the whole 'if I join you, if I teach you Earthbending, then you're dragging me into the War'
And Ty Lee does admit to that. Toph shouldn't join if she doesn't want to get involved there. But she has a feeling that Toph isn't the type of person who would sit back if she could help, just because it's 'safe'.
Toph says she'll think about it. And then we get them all ambushed by the whole Earth Rumble crew. Ty Lee is varying levels of 'damn it why am I always the one getting kidnapped???'
Eventually that ransom note is found and while it seems simple on the 'hand over the money' thing, the whole Gaang suspects something is up and goes along ready for a fight.
Yeah they're right because while Toph is allowed to go free we get the 'hm, lets hand over one of the Avatars to the Fire Nation'. Whcih like. To be fair, the Gaang and even Toph's parents call them out on that like 'My dude??? You're willing to hand over the /AVATAR/ to the /FIRE NATION/?????? And all you random pro wrestler fucks are cool with it?!?!?!"
Toph remembers what Ty Lee had said. About how she doesn't seem like the type to stand by when someone's in danger to save herself. This is only spurred on by her parents saying they'll get her out before the fighting starts because she's so helpless.
Like in Canon, Toph pretty much oneshots the whole group. And it's badass as FUCK.
Toph tries talking with her parents. About how she is, in fact, just as capable as anyone else. How she loves what she does and she's not that 'perfect little girl' they wanted. And they react exactly the same in Canon. Terrified for her, still in denial because she has to be helpless, right? She has to be that fragile little girl and this was just a one off, right? And they tell the others to leave and that Toph is getting even less freedom than before.
Ofc the Gaang is already talking to each other like 'okay so. Who's turn is it to plan a kidnapping?'.
By that point Toph shows up like 'haha yeah my parents changed their minds and said I can come with you!'. But they call her out like 'You ran away didn't you?' yeah....
But hey half of them are runaways so let's fucking go!
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thebibliosphere · 3 years
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So I'm currently unemployed because I got fired for taking too much sick leave (it was legally sketchy blah blah blah but in the end I just can't work and take care of myself and investigate my mystery health problems at the same time). So I've been spending more time writing!
I really admire your writing and loved Hunger Pangs. I'm looking forward to the poly elements developing and I'm wondering if you have any advice for writing about poly. I've made one of my projects a snarky take on "write what you know" ... Apparently what I know is southern gothic meets Pacific northwest gothic, chronic illness pandemic surrealism, and falling back-asswards into threesomes.
I know this is a very open-ended question and I don't expect an answer, I'm just curious about it if you have the energy. As a writer, trying to write honestly / realistically about polyamory/enm, I'm curious if you have any thoughts on what's different about portraying monogamy or nonmonogamy in books, romance or erotica or otherwise.
I'm trying to read examples but it's hard to find examples that fit the niche I'm looking at. Excuse me if this question is nonsense, it's the cluster headaches.
I'm sorry to hear you've been dealing with all that and solidarity on the cluster headaches. But I'm glad you're finding an outlet through writing! And I hope you're happy with an open-ended ramble in response because oh boy, there's a lot I could talk about and I could probably do a better job of answering this sort of thing with more specific questions, but let's see where we end up.
There's definitely a big difference between writing polyamory/ENM (ethical non-monogamy) and what people often expect from monogamous love stories.
Just even from a purely sales and marketing standpoint, the moment you write anything polyamorous (or even just straight up LGBTQIA+ without the ENM) you're going to get considered closer to being erotica/obscene than hetero romances. It's an unfair bias, but it's one that exists in our society. But also the Amazon algorithm and their shitty, shitty human censors. Especially the ones that work the weekends. (Talking to you, Carlos 🖕.)
So not only do you start out hyper-aware that you're writing something that is highly stigmatized or fetishized (at least I'm hyper-aware) but that you are also writing for a niche market that is starving for positive content because the content that exists is either limited, not what they want, or is problematic in some fashion i.e. highly stigmatized or fetishy. And even then, the wants, desires, and expectations of the community you're writing for are complex and wildly varied and hard to fit into an easy formula.
When writing monogamous love stories, there is a set expectation that’s really hard to fuck up once you know it. X person meets Y. Attraction happens, followed by some sort of minor conflict/resolution. Other plot may happen. A greater catalyst involving personal growth for both parties (hopefully) happens. Follow the equation to its ultimate resolution and achieve Happily Ever After. 
But writing ENM is... a lot more difficult, if only because of the pure scope of possibilities. You could try to follow the same equation and shove three (or more) people into it, but it rarely works well. Usually because if you’re doing it right, you won’t have enough room in a single character arc to allow for enough growth, and if ENM requires anything in abundance, it’s room to grow.
And this post is huge so I’m going to put the rest under a cut :)
There's also a common refrain in certain online polyam/ENM circles that triads and throuples are overrepresented in media and they may be right to some extent. Personally, I believe the issue isn't that triads and throuples are overrepresented, but that there is such minuscule positive rep of ethical non-monogamy in general, that the few tiny instances we have of triads in media make it seem like it's "everywhere" when in actuality, it's still quite rare and the media we do have often veers into Unicorn Hunter fetish porn. Which is its own problematic thing. And just to be clear, I’m not including this part to dissuade you from writing "falling back-asswards into threesomes." If anything, I need more of it and would hook it directly into my brain if I could. I'm just throwing it out there into the void in the hope that someone will take the thought and run with it, lol.
I’d love to see more polyfidelitous rep in fiction, just as much as I’d like to see more relationship anarchy too. More diversity in fiction is always good.
Another thing that differs in writing ENM romance vs conventional monogamy is the feeling like you need to justify yourself. There's a lot of pressure to be as healthy and non-problematic as possible because you are being held to a higher standard of criticism. Both from people from without the ENM communities, and from the people within. Granted, some people don't give a shit and just want to read some fantastic porn (valid) but there are those who will cheerfully read Fifty Shades of Bullshit and call it "spicy" and "romantic," then turn around and call the most tooth-rottingly-sweet-fluff about a queer platonic polycule heresy. That's just the way the world works.
(Pro-tip for author life in general: never read your own reviews; that way madness lies. I glimpsed one the other day that tagged Hunger Pangs as “ethical cheating” and just about had an aneurism.)
And while that feeling of needing to justify yourself comes from a valid place of being excluded from the table of socially accepted norms, it can also be to the detriment of both the story and the subject matter at hand. I've seen some authors bend so far over backward to avoid being problematic in their portrayal of ENM, they end up being problematic for entirely different reasons. Usually because they give such a skewed, rose-tinted perspective of how things work, it ends up coming off as well... a bit culty and obnoxious tbh.
“Look how enlightened we are, freed from the trappings of monogamy and jealousy! We’re all so honest and perfect and happy!”
Yeah, uhu, sure Jan. Except here’s the thing, not all jealousy is bad. How you act on it can be, but jealousy itself is an important tool in the junk drawer that is the range of human emotion. It can clue us in to when we’re feeling sad or neglected, which in turn means we should figure out why we’re feeling those things. Sometimes it’s because brains are just like that and anxiety is a thing. Other times it’s because our needs are actually being neglected and we are in an unhealthy situation we need to remedy. You gotta put the work in to figure it out. Which is the same as any style of relationship, whether it’s mono, polyam or whatever flavor of ENM you subscribe to* And sometimes you just gotta be messy, because that’s how humans are. Being afraid to show that mess makes it a dishonest portrayal, and it also robs you of some great cannon fodder for character development.
Which brings me in a roundabout way to my current pet peeve in how certain writers take monogamous ideals and apply them to ENM, sometimes without even realizing it. The “Find the Right Person and Settle Down” trope.
Often, in this case, ENM or polyamory is treated as a phase. Something you mature out of with age or until you meet “The One(tm).” This is, of course, an attempt to follow the mono style formula expected in most romances. And while it might appeal to many readers, it’s uh, actually quite insulting. 
To give an example, I am currently seeing this a lot in the Witcher fandom. 
Fanon Netflix!Jaskier is everyone's favorite ethical slut until he meets Geralt then woops, wouldn’t you know, he just needed to find The One(tm). Suddenly, all his other sexual and romantic exploits or attractions mean nothing to him. Let's watch as he throws away a core aspect of his personality in favor of a man. 
Yeah... that sure showed those societal norms... 
If I were being generous, I’d say it’s a poor attempt at showing New Relationship Euphoria and how wrapped up people can become in new relationships. But honestly, it’s monogamous bias eking its way in to validate how special and unique the relationship is. Because sometimes people really can’t think of any other way to show how important and valid a relationship is without defining it in terms of exclusivity. Which is a fundamental misunderstanding of how ENM works for a lot of people and invalidates a lot of loving, serious and long-term relationships.
This is not to say that some polyam/poly-leaning people can't be happy in monogamous relationships! I am! (I consider myself ambiamorous. I'm happy with either monogamy or polyamory, it really just depends on the relationship(s) I’m in.) But I also don't regard my relationship with a mono partner as "settling down" or "growing up." It's just a choice I made to be with a person I love, and it's a valid one. Just like choosing to never close yourself off to multiple relationships is valid. And I wish more people realized that, or rather, I wish the people writing these things knew that :P
Anyway, I think I’ve rambled enough. I hope this collection of incoherent thoughts actually makes some sense and might be useful. 
----
*A good resource book that doesn't pull any punches in this regard is Polysecure by Jessica Fern. It's a wonderfully insightful read that explores the messier side of consensual non-monogamy, especially with how it can be affected by trauma or inter-relationship conflicts. But it also shows how to take better steps toward healthy, ethical non-monogamy (a far better job than More Than Two**) and conflict resolution, making it a valuable resource both for someone who is a part of this relationship style***, but also for writers on the outside looking in who might have a very simple or misguided idea of what conflict within polyam/ENM relationships might look like, vs traditional monogamous ones.
** The author of More Than Two has been accused of multiple accounts of abuse within the polyamorous community, with many of his coauthors having spoken out about the gaslighting and emotional and psychological damage they experienced while in a relationship with him. A lot of their stories are documented here: https://www.itrippedonthepolystair.com/ (warning: it is not light material and deals with issues of abuse, gaslighting, and a whole other plethora of Yikes.) While some people still find More Than Two helpful reading, there are now, thankfully, much, much better resources out there.
*** Some people consider polyam/ENM to be part of their identity or orientation, while others view it as a relationship style.It largely depends on the individual. 
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songmingisthighs · 3 years
Text
Hooked
introduction pt. i | pt. ii | pt. iii
ch. xxxv - NYOOOOOOM
<< previous | masterlist | next >>
??? × reader, ateez × reader
A freshman hookup rekindled into something new. With an incentive, of course. But what would happen if your 'relationship' led you somewhere you never thought would happen to you ?
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Wooyoung and Yeosang were rushing you into the frat as quick as they could. Wooyoung carrying your bag and Yeosang practically hauling you away.
When you entered the frat, you could see that every single one of them is sitting around the living area. Some were seated on the couch as some were on the floor.
At the sight of you entering, their eyes lit up and smile bloom on their faces automatically.
"Is this an intervention?" you asked, walking slowly to where they are, slightly wary of the situation as they would rarely gather together to talk. More often than not, all communication happens in the group chat.
"Because I swear I'll return all your shirts and hoodies," you said, scrunching your nose in nervousness.
Mingi stood up and glomped onto you, nestling his face into the crook of your neck. He had to hunch because he's way taller than you. "You can take our clothes any time you want, this is not an intervention," he mumbled into your skin before detaching and planting a soft peck on your forehead, "missed you," he grinned.
You instinctively held onto Mingi's ring and pinkie as he led you to sit on the available spot at the left end of the U-shaped couch.
"So? Who wants to start?" Yunho asked, breaking the initial building silence.
The boys looked at each other for a bit before their eyes slowly zeroed in on Hongjoong. At the sudden attention, Hongjoong's eyes widened for a split second before scoffing, "one of you better start because I'm not doing it," he said, crossing his arms.
"But you're the leader," Yeosand stated matter-o-factly with a straight face. The others nodding along, agreeing to what Yeosang said.
Hongjoong grumbled at the fact that they're ganging up on him, using his own title against him. This is one of the rare few times he regretted having his title and even using it to his own advantage sometimes. The K in karma stands for Kang Yeosang, it seems.
You pursed your lips, still nervous and slightly uneasy. Historically, when a person is called by a group or collective, it was never for good reasons.
"So, (Y/N)," Hongjoong started, looking directly at you as his fingers fiddled slightly with the rings in his fingers, "do you like being with us?" he asked.
You visibly swallowed the lump in your throat. You couldn't help but feel like they're kicking you out, or the board is making them kick you out, that's the only reasonable explanation to the opening question Hongjoong threw at you, right?
Unconsciously, you leaned closer to Mingi for security and held his fingers tighter. Mingi thought nothing much of it. "Well, I like you guys like a lot, and living with you all has been great! More than great, actually, I never really had a roommate and initially the thought of having 8 roommates scared me especially because well you're guys and guys tend to be dirty and all, but it turns out you guys are freaking awesome, and I couldn't ask for better roommates honestly," you rambled, grinning awkwardly at them.
Most of them had a look of confusion on their faces. They didn't know why you were talking about your living situation when they're obviously asking about something much more substantial than that.
"(Y/N), sweetie," Seonghwa called out, "we're... glad that you're happy living with us here and we honestly wouldn't want it any other way," "wait, so this is not about anyone having a problem with me living here for quite some time now?" you asked, cutting Seonghwa off.
Wooyoung gasped loudly at your question, "no, it's not, sweetie, believe me! Who'd make you feel this way?" he then snapped his head to San who's sitting next to him, "was it you!?" he asked dramatically, holding onto the collars of San's hoodie, "fuck you, if anyone would've made her uncomfortable, it would've been you with your incessant claim on her as her boyfriend which is as true as Yeosang being able to pop unicorn horn from his ass!" San retorted back, grabbing onto Wooyoung's collars as well.
Seonghwa and Yunho immediately jumped up and separated the two, sitting them in next to Jongho and Yeosang who had been snickering at the childish argument.
Once they both calmed down, they all shifted their attention back to you. "We weren't talking about our living situation at all, we're kind of... needing to ask you something important..." Yunho said, trailing off to look at the others as if in confirmation.
No longer feeling nervous, you just shrug at them all, "okay, shoot."
Though you asked them to talk, they all stay glancing at each other. Even Wooyoung, the most confident man you possibly have ever known, couldn't look you directly in the eyes without blushing.
After a while, the tension didn't seem to dissipate and it started to bug you. "Oh, come on! You guys have seen me naked, what could you all possibly have to say that made you all sweating like an old man in a sauna?" you grumbled, crossing your arms on your chest.
Jongho cringed at your words, "don't put you and a sweaty old man in the same sentence, that image's gonna haunt me for weeks," he complained. San stared at him weirdly, "why would you even think about a sweaty old man?" "It's called prompting," "It's called nasty,"
Yeosang exhaled sharply, bringing everyone's attention to him, "since none of you seems to want to seriously ask her, I'll do it," he glared at the other boys before looking straight at you, "how do you feel, non platonically, about all of us?" he asked directly.
While you tilt your head in confusion, everyone else in the room seemed to broke into a meltdown altogether. Some were covering their faces in their hands, others were slumping so lowly on the couch their asses were basically on the floor.
"I... honestly haven't really thought about it," you shrugged, furrowing your eyebrows, "but I can't say I'm not attracted to all of you, sure we're friends and this might be just a fascination thing, but I really can't deny that I definitely feel something for you guys," you continued.
When they heard you say that, they visibly relaxed.
"That's good, because, well..." Yeosang trailed off, waiting for someone else to say it as a rosy tint bloomed on his face, showcasing his bashfulness to everyone.
Thankfully, Hongjoong stepped up and continued Yeosang's sentence, "because we, all eight of us, also can't deny that we feel something for you," he smiled shyly.
Seeing the boys all soft and shy made you giggle. Butterflies formed in your stomach and you had to admit that you like the thought of all of them liking you more than on a platonic level.
"So... every single one of you has feelings for me?" you asked, trying to make sure before you made your conclusion. All eight heads nod and you can't help but to focus on Jongho and Mingi, "you both too?" you asked them both, eyes darting between the two.
While Jongho grinned cockily and nod, Mingi covered his face with one hand in embarrassment, "yeah, kind of," he mumbled. You giggled and reach to try to pry his hand from his face, wanting to see how he look, "when did you start feeling like that, huh? I thought you only think of me as a stress reliever," you whined but eventually succeeding in prying his hand off.
Mingi raised an eyebrow at you, "the fact that we've been sleeping together combined with how amazing you are, it was never about if I'd fall for you, it was about the when," he said. You couldn't help but blush at his words, "so you liked me because we were fuck buddies?" "it sounds bad when you put it like that, but I was intrigued when I first met you which is why I approached you,"
You then shifted your gaze to the others, "When did you all realize you like me?" you asked, "as cliche as it sounds, it was the night we all did it together," Yunho answered.
"Not me," Wooyoung said, raising a hand, "I realized it like a solid couple of weeks after we started our whole fake relationship thing," he grinned proudly, "I began liking the way I call you my girlfriend more than I would like to admit, but I couldn't think of another person more perfect for me than you,"
It was your turn to melt. You covered your face in embarrassment, letting out a muffled squeal at how cheesy Wooyoung's words are. The others chuckled at how adorable you're being.
"You know, the eight of us talked about it before you came back here," Hongjoong said. You calm yourself down before being able to look at him directly in the eyes again, "and... we just wanted to know whether or not you'd like to date us,"
You tilted your head to the side, "like... All nine of us? One girl and eight boys?" you asked, making sure you're not hearing things wrong. But all of them nodded firmly. "It's not orthodox, I'd have to admit, and usually we would each try to win you over for only one of us, but when we were together last time, it just felt natural and I can't speak for these guys, but I didn't feel jealous whatsoever, because I know that you deserve more than just what I could and am willing to give you, and they can fill in where I lack because you deserve nothing but the best," Seonghwa said. He had somehow moved to kneel in between your legs, hands rubbing your knees gently as his eyes shone what you could only describe as pure affection and adoration.
The others piped in agreement with the eldest. It seemed like they know what they're doing and what they want. So the ball was in your court.
On one hand, you adore them to the heavens and back, you couldn't possibly think of having things any other way. And the thought of having to choose between them doesn't sit right with you. Sure, you're just one person, but you're sure if they're right, things will be okay.
But on the other hand, Seonghwa was right, this is highly unorthodox. Sure, you've heard of poly relationships here and there, heck one of your classmates' sister is in a poly relationship with three girls. But you can't deny you live in a society that's filled with judgment and harsh criticism, more than yourself, you're worried about how going down this path would affect them. And besides, how did one went from not wanting to even have random hookups due to wanting to have a relationship with 8 guys?
"See the look on her face? The wheels are turning in there," you heard Jongho muttered to the rest of them who had moved to kneel in front of you somewhere during your thoughts.
You glared at him shortly before pouting, "I do want to know if there could be something more to this," you started. The boys were about to celebrate when you cut them off, "BUT, I'm not sure on how this is gonna be, let's face it, you guys seemed to realize that you like me after we had sex," "I didn't," Wooyoung cut you off which was immediately shut by Yeosang, putting a hand over his mouth, "feelings tend to mash then and I wouldn't be surprised if it was the sexual pull talking," you sighed.
Their shoulder seemingly slumped hearing you say that. They didn't even discuss that, they were pretty sure that they genuinely like you and want to be more with you. Maybe they didn't want what you said to even be a possibility.
Suddenly, San perked up, "wait, if what you're worried about is whether or not our feelings are the real deal or not, then why don't you just test it? You can just decide later if we're gonna officially date or not. Take things slowly, you know?" he grinned brightly.
Slowly, each of the boys' eyes widened and shone with hope, thinking that San's plan is actually probable.
"Finally, San said something fucking smart for once," Yunho muttered, earning a harsh nudge to his hip by a glaring San.
The idea wasn't bad. It was actually good. This way, all of you can be sure and there would be no regrets, no one got hurt.
You squint your eyes at him, "but what would that make us?" "that's the beauty of it, there would be no official title until we make our decision," he said proudly. You pursed your lips, feelings swaying and leaning on the positive, "and how long do I have to make a decision?" this time, Yeosang answered, "as long as you need, we won't rush you," he smiled gently at you, making your stupid heart flip.
The idea WAS appealing, it was a win-win for sure.
When a smile broke on your face, the boys had to hold themselves together to let you confirm their suspicion.
"I'm in, let's try and see where we all can go,"
Before you could even take a breath after answering, the boys had pulled you forward in a giant group hug on the floor. You found yourself squished by eight men who are hollering, cheering, trying to kiss you, and trying to hold onto you as tightly as possible. While the position was uncomfortable, you couldn't care less.
Because being in the centre of them all felt right. It felt like you belong.
taglist :
@raysanshine @peachy-maia @xuxiable @90s-belladonna @theclawofaraven @sanraes @sungiehan @felix-kithes @nycol-ie @superstarw99 @skkrtnawrskkrt @viv-atiny @the7thcrow @stfu-xeena @laurademaury @multihoe-net @daisyhwa @scoupshushushu @whyisquill @bikiniholic @yunhorights @exfolitae @simplewonderland @verycooldog2 @perfectlysane24 @hannahdinse8 @tannie13 @aka-minhyuk-kun @phebeedee @f4iryyunho @marsophilia @donghyuckanti27 @se-onghwa @malewife-supremacy @hyunsukream @elijahbabyb @taejichafe @alliecoady98
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rayslittlekitten · 3 years
Text
You Got This - Part 2
I recommend reading Part 1 first if you haven't.
Plot: After having a heart to heart, you and Jax re-live your youth.
Pairing: Jax Teller x F! Reader
Contains: a lot of fluff and fluffy sex, also a shit ton of Jax smoking porn, and you see his butt 🙃
A/N:  Thank you Anon for this request.  I hope you and the other readers enjoy this (if not more) than the first part. This took me longer than I expected to write this, but it's finally done.  I kept going back and forth on trying to decide what to include and what not to.  Also, had I known I was going to be writing a part two for this, the beginning of this would have been at the end of part one, but hindsight is 20/20. I actually did already write out most of the beginning but decided to leave it out of part one because I thought where I left it was a good place to end it. I also thought about eliminating it completely but I really like the interaction that happens with Gemma.  To me it's like a beauty shot. Is it necessary and does it move the story along at all? Not quite, but it looks good so let's just leave it in there anyways. Also to squeeze a little bit more angst out of Jax.
Also, I had a bit of trouble writing this as well because as strange as this sounds, I couldn't find the perfect song to pair with this.  Sometimes I need music to help me get into the mindset and mood.  I was going for like a nostalgic summer love kinda thing. I had actually thought to use a song form the mid-90s because to really make it feel nostalgic and Shanice's "Saving Forever For You" was the winner for that but I decided it was not right for this. Maybe their actual first time, yes.  Then it was a toss up between "Honey Whiskey" by Satica and "Take Me Away" by Sinead Harnett/EARTHGANG and the latter won given the situation. I'd recommend giving it a listen below (or any of the songs listed) to get the mood I was going for while writing the sex scene. I really thank you for reading my ramblings if you've gotten this far. I just want to give the readers the best experience to my stories and how it was intended when I wrote it.
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A loud commotion outside interrupts the moment and you both realize you need to get dressed before someone finds the both of you.  He pulls out of you and you both quickly get yourselves together. You hop into the bathroom inside the bedroom to clean yourself up. When you walk out, you see Jax sitting on the bed smoking a cigarette with all his clothes and hair in place, like he had been sitting there this whole time and didn't move from his spot when you first walked in.  He glances over to you and you're reminded of how his handsome charming face is something you miss so much.
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"I should probably go before someone starts looking for either of us." You walk out of the bathroom and towards the front door.  Jax grabs your hand and pulls you back to him.
"Hey." He stands up, cups your face and looks at you. "It's really good to see you again."
Suddenly you both hear the door knob rattling and then a knock following it.
"Jax, are you in there, honey?" You both hear Gemma on the other side of the door. 
You both separate and smooth yourselves out and Jax walks over to open the door. 
"Honey, what are you doing in here? Tara--" Gemma's facial expression shifts when she spots you. She looks at the both of you suspiciously. You both thought you were so slick when you were younger but if there was anyone who knew what you both were up to, it would be Gemma. Nothing slips past her. In fact, she’s always secretly hoped you two would get together. You were born into SAMCRO, making you MC royalty. The Princess of Charming.
"Oh, I didn't know you were in here too. I'm very sorry about Opie, sweetheart." 
"Thank you, Gemma." You walk closer to the door and Gemma pulls you in for a tight hug and a kiss on the cheek.
"Where's your fiancé?" Gemma asks curiously.
"Fiancé?" Jax glances over at you.
"I came by myself this time," you answer. "We're kind of on a break." You wrinkle your nose.
"I'm sorry to hear that too. Must be one hell of a break." Gemma's knowing eyes are boring a hole into you. "Lyla tells me you're staying a while?"
"Yeah, I'm gonna help her out with the kids for a week or so until she can figure it out.  I know you and the club will be a big help, but with everything going on, I think her and the kids can use another familiar face."
"Family is important and I'm very happy to see you here." Gemma's eyes shift to Jax with the same knowing look she gave you. "Well, whenever you're ready, Tara's looking for you."
"Thanks, mom." Jax runs his hand over the top of his hair. Gemma glances at you both again once more before she walks away.
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You start making your way out the door when Jax pulls you back in.
"You're engaged?" Jax asks with wide eyes.
"Was," you reply. 
"Was it to that pretentious English prick you brought back with you last time?" Jax snarls.
"Ray is a good guy and he treats me really well. We're just going through a bit of a rough patch right now," you tell him. "Also, the last I heard, you're married with two children, Teller."
Jax just looks at you, knowing he has no right to be upset about you being with another man.
"And I believe your wife is looking for you," you say before walking away from him as you see your nephews and niece running up to you. "Hey guys!"
Jax takes a drag of his cigarette while he continues watching you as you kneel down to greet the kids.
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A few days later...
The sun is beginning to set and Jax is at the clubhouse. Most of the people have already left. He needs some quiet and alone time after spending a few days earlier in the week not just watching his best friend get killed, but also saying goodbye and laying him to rest. He climbs up the ladder onto the roof of the clubhouse, one of his favorite places to think and reflect quietly while smoking.  What he didn't expect to find is someone else had beat him to the spot.
"I didn't know you were here," Jax says as he walks over and sits next to them. "You've been avoiding me like the plague all week."
"I miss watching the sunset," you reply without looking at him.
"The sun doesn't set where you are?" Jax asks as he lights up a joint.
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"It's not the same."
Jax takes a long drag and then offers it to you. 
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You look at it for a moment and form a small smile before taking it from him.  The roof was also a place you both frequented in your youth to smoke pot, away from your parents and the adults. Eventually they figured out your secret spot, but it didn't stop you guys from coming back. You take a pull and hand it back to him.
"I also miss this.  There is nothing like California-grown weed."
Jax takes a hit and blows out the smoke from the corner of his mouth.
"Do you ever miss me?" Jax looks over at you and passes the joint back to you.
You look over to him and squint an eye to prevent the sun from blinding you.
"Yeah, sometimes I do."
"Does your English weed taste like fucking tea and crumpets?" Jax jokes.
"Oh, I get the best shit there is over there. Trust me." You chuckle. "But... it's not home."
"So why don't you come home?" Jax looks back at you with the same squinty face.
You look at him for a moment deciding what you want to say. "You know, that's the reason why Ray and I put the engagement on hold. With everything happening here, I wanted to be closer to family. Figure my shit out." You take another drag and return the joint back to him.
"There's more than family that would love to see you back home too." Jax reaches for your hand and squeezes it.
"Jackson, what happened the other day, we both acted out of impulse. We were both just... vulnerable.  I'm sorry if it gave the wrong impression."
Jax shakes his head, then takes another long pull of the joint. “Ope was like my moral compass, kept me grounded and always pointed me in the right direction, and now he's gone, because of me."
"Jackson, you can't--" You start shaking your head.
"You’re the closest thing I have left of Ope. I need you." Jax holds your hand.
"Jackson, in your heart, you always knew what was best. You don't need me." You push a loose chunk of his blonde hair away from his face and tuck it behind his ear.  "I know you're hurting, but I can't fill the void that Opie left. Nothing ever will. Just focus on what's important to you and you'll figure it out.  You always did." You smile at him while caressing his cheek with your thumb. "You got this." He closes his eyes and leans in to your hand, soaking in your touch.
"You still have too much faith me." He turns his head slightly to kiss the palm of your hand.
"Yeah, maybe. Besides, our boat sailed a long time ago," you add, pulling your hands away from him and looking away. Jax takes the last drag of the joint and tosses it off the roof.
"Maybe that boat can make one last stop before sailing away for good?" Jax gently grabs your chin and turns your head to him to look into his slightly droopy eyes.
Even all this time, it's still hard to not get lost in his baby blues. It's even harder with the perfect setting: the firey orange sky, the slight California breeze, the clubhouse rooftop. Maybe it's the weed, but it feels perfect in the moment. It's all taking you back to the summer when you were 14, when the only care in your worlds were right in front of each other. It's also the perfect setting for cruising around. Jax use to "borrow" one of the bikes from the clubhouse and take you on joyrides, basking in the sun while the wind hits your faces.
He slowly leans into you, and you close the distance, pressing your lips against his. Jax immediately responds and kisses back, his tongue slipping between your teeth. You can taste whiskey mixed with a faint linger of cigarettes and marijuana. Jax cradles your neck and pulls you in closer to him.
The loud roar of a motorcycle driving by and backfiring breaks you up.  You both are brought back to reality that you are both still on a rooftop and a bit baked.
"Come on, let's get inside." Jax jerks his head towards the latch.  Jax helps you down the ladder first and he follows behind.  He quickly makes a sweep and doesn't see anyone except for a few guys at the bar with their back turned towards the both of you.  Jax grabs your hand and leads you back into the spare bedroom you both were in earlier in the week. This definitely feels like you both are hormone-driven teenagers again, sneaking around the clubhouse. 
Once Jax closes and locks the door, he turns his attention back to you but he stops in his tracks to really look at you. All of you. He never thought he'd ever be with you or see you like this again.  What happened the other day was different.  Like you said, it was a moment of weakness, an impulsive move on both of you because of shared pain.
This time, there is no urgency, there is no hurt, just the two of you re-living a moment the two of you wish you had the opportunity to experience over and over again. This time it's intentionally and purely for the most selfish reasons. He walks over to you and presses his lips onto yours, taking his time to actually taste and feel your soft lips on his.  He pulls you in close to his body as his hands explore yours.
As the both of you continue to deliberately and slowly make out, Jax grabs your ass and presses himself against you, feeling his erection through your clothes. Jax pushes you backward towards the bed and you fall back when you feel the edge hit the back of your knees. He falls on top of you and expertly starts disrobing you while making out with you.  In one quick swift, Jax pulls your shirt over your head, leaving you in a satin black bra.  He takes his time with you, starting with his lips on your neck, licking and kissing it, even nibbling at it.  He's always wanted to leave a hickey on you, letting all the guys know you're taken. He then makes his way down to your collar bone, the top of your chest and then pulls down your bra on one side to reveal a nipple.  He puts his mouth over it and swirls his tongue around it.  Jax looks up to see your reaction and find you looking back biting your lower lip. He smirks and pulls down the other side of your bra and gives that nipple the same attention, making you arch against his mouth. 
"Oh, Jackson," you moan.
He lets out a low growl.
"As much as I want to hear all the sexy noises coming out of your mouth while I'm pleasuring you, you gotta keep it quiet, darlin'." He kisses you while he unhooks your bra and tosses it aside. He then unbuttons your pants and backs himself off the bed. He slowly slides your pants and thong off your hips and down your legs. He licks his lips, excited to unwrap you like his present. You watch him as he lowers himself to his knees and kneels at your feet to help you with your boots and removes the rest of the clothes off your body.  Suddenly feeling a bit exposed and shy like it's your first time with Jax, you keep your legs together. Jax places his hands on each of your knees and coaxes them open. He looks at his gift and licks his lips.
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He dives in between your legs while looking up at you. His soft lips and warm wet tongue are licking and sucking you on all the right places and his beard tickling your inner thighs.  That's new to you.  He barely had peach fuzz in his teens. You feel him slip a finger inside you as his lips are pulling at your clit.  Your breathing is getting shorter and more shallow.  Jax inserts another long finger in you and finds your g-spot, rubbing circles on it.
"Jax, I..." Feeling your orgasm building, you are rendered speechless. Jax continues sucking and stroking you until you come undone into his mouth and on his fingers. He watches you squirm and thrash as you scream quietly in ecstasy. He doesn't stop until you are sensitive to his touch and you push him away.  He wipes his beard and smiles at you, proud of his accomplishment. Jax surely still knows his way around your body.
You glance up to him as he gets to his feet.  You watch him strip his clothes off, first the kutte, then his shirt pulled over his head.  He kicks off his sneakers as he takes his time unbuckling his belt and unbuttoning his jeans.  You're glad he's taking his time though because it allows you to soak up and remember every second you have with this gorgeous man in front of you.  He finally pulls his jeans and boxers down.  Besides from the other day, the last time you and him were this intimate, the both of you were shorter, slimmer and clearly less experienced.  Now you’re both grown, gained curves and muscles and are far more seasoned in the bedroom.  He's also certainly grown in other places as well.
"Back up," Jax nods his head as he climbs onto the bed and  hovers above you.  You scoot back so your whole body is on the bed.  Jax lays on top of you and smashes his lips against yours again, cradling your neck and grinding against you.  You can feel the head of cock teasing your opening.
"Maybe we should use a condom this time," you tell him in between kisses.
"I'm not gonna lie.  You did feel amazing without one the other day," Jax admits.
You and Jax had always been careful and taking the right steps when you were younger, using condoms at all times so that time was the first time you both had sex without one. Thankfully you are on birth control and both are STD-free, but you know you shouldn't take any chances.  
You give him a knowing look.
"Anything for you, darlin'." Jax gives you a kiss on the cheek before getting up to put on a condom.  He climbs back on top of you and looks at you as he caresses your face, still not believing that you're beneath him.
You gently grab his face with both hands and kiss him deeply. You then feel him slip inside you. All of him.  You moan into his mouth and move with him, both of your hips slowly thrusting in unison. Jax grabs your hands and brings them above your head. He intertwines his fingers with yours and thrusts deeper into you.  He watches you while you relish in the moment, as he pulls these lost emotions from you with each deliberate push.  You wrap your legs around his waist and it encourages him to pick up the pace.  You try to do the same and meet his rhythm.
Jax releases your hands and reaches for your legs behind him and brings them in front of him to rest on his shoulders, deepening his access to you.  His hand reaches up to cradle your neck as he pounds into you. You then feel his thumb slide over the front of your throat.  You start to feel his fingers tighten slightly around your neck. This is also new for you and Jax, but you're loving it.  You can feel yourself getting closer to achieving another orgasm.
"Jackson..." you pant.
"Come for me, darlin'.  I know you're there," Jax grunts.
You close your eyes and feel bliss as you let yourself go, letting your body take over you.  After your orgasm subsides, you open your eyes and find Jax is no longer making love to you, but just smiling at you while still inside you. Now it's time for you to show him a few tricks you've learned.
"Get on your back," you tell him.
Without any protest from Jax, you both switch positions.  Jax lies on his back with this hands behind his head, waiting for you to take the wheel.  You straddle him and take your time sinking yourself onto him.  You feel a lot more confident about being on top than you did when you were younger.  You were shy and inexperienced.  Now? You're going to ride him like the sexiest Harley you've ever had the privilege of sitting on. You slowly start riding him, rocking back and forth, grinding on him and teasing him. You enjoy the feeling of him filling you up to the hilt as you push down on him.
Jax looks up at you, watching you take charge and own his dick.  He definitely notices you're a lot more comfortable in this position than he remembers.  He reaches up and runs his hands over your breasts, massaging them and caressing your nipples as you enjoy the ride. He's certainly enjoying the view.
"You are still as fucking beautiful as the day I fell in love with you," Jax says, mesmerized by the image in front of him.
You smile and then lean back, placing your hands behind you on his thighs. Jax looks at you curiously. You roll your hips and start sliding up and down on him, giving him a clear view.  He looks down and watches himself disappear in and out of you.
Jax groans and runs the palms of his hands over your thighs and settles on your hips.  One of his hands then slides over between your legs and he starts rubbing circles on your clit with this thumb. You moan and gasp. You then lean forward, placing your hands on the pillow of each side of his head and lean down closer to him.  You start bouncing your ass up and down as you look down on him, your hair forming a curtain around your faces.  Jax grabs your ass and starts thrusting up to meet your movement. The only sounds echoing in the room are your pants and your bodies slapping against each other.  Jax speeds up and watches your face as it distorts.  He knows you've got another one inside you and you're very close.
"Come on, darlin'. Let it go." Jax coos.
You let out a loud moan as your legs shake and feel like a firecracker exploded inside of you.  Jax clamps a hand over your mouth as he continues to drill inside.
"There you go, Y/N." Jax smiles watching you fall apart on top of him.  He then swiftly flips you onto your back and roughly drives into you a few more times until he finally gets his own release.
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As he slows down, you both look at each other, savoring the moment and then kiss softly.
Suddenly the door knob starts to rattle and the person on the other side is banging on the door.
"Yo, hurry it up! I gotta take a shit!" an unrecognizable voice shouts.
"Hey asshole, the bathroom is further down!" You both hear Chibs shouting. You place your hands over your mouth as you start to laugh.
"Shh!" Jax puts a finger over his pursed lips as he tries to suppress his own laughter.
SMASH CUT TO BLACK
A/N: I never put notes at the end but I figured I'd let you enjoy the fic first before mentioning I currently don't have plans to expand this story. I might in the future, but not in the near future.  I originally intended the first part to be short and be a one off, but I just kept writing and writing and there were so many places and opportunities to keep expanding. Same for part two.  There were so many directions I could have gone. I had a bit of struggle with this for some reason. It's not quite exactly how I pictured it ending but it works for what it is.
If you haven’t read it yet, I wrote two short scenes titled “Carry Me Home” and “Joyride” which are like flashbacks in this universe.
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yeongwvnhi · 3 years
Text
ᴸᵒᵛᵉ ᴬᵍᵃⁱⁿ
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Pairing - Baekhyun x fem reader -> exes to lovers | Genre - Angst, fluff | warnings - none | taglist - @twancingyunhoe @trashlord-007 @tiddy-boys | synopsis - when Baekhyun and you broke things off a year ago, it felt alright, but you came to the painful realization that nobody could ever replace him or love you like he did | word count - 2.1k | thanks to @tiddy-boys for beta-reading ♡
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It's days like these, rain hitting the window in harsh taps and angry wind blowing, when the nostalgia hits the hardest. After all, you were always one to dwell on the past. It's just what you do. 
Every day felt the same after the two of you broke things off. You don't even remember why exactly you even ended it in the first place. The pain still sits deep, coming to haunt you when you least expect it. 
Rainy days like those just trigger the nostalgia, the memories and bygone feelings. 
It's 12pm when you check your phone, yet you're still laying in bed. The lack of motivation due to this sudden wave of sadness is something you're not experiencing for the first time. 
And it's killing you slowly. These feelings are eating you up from the inside out. 
Without even realizing, tears are running down your cheeks in even, salty streams. 
"Why am I even crying…" You mumble and lift your arm to cover your face, trying to make it stop. "God, I'm so pathetic" 
You try to manage to stop your tears, wrist harshly rubbing your eyes. After a minute or so, you succeed in stopping them. 
instead pick up your phone, unlocking it and opening Instagram. 
One peek won't hurt, right…? 
His name at the top of your searches seems to be mocking you as you hover your finger above it. Should you really do it? What if he found someone new and his profile is filled with couple pictures? Or what if he feels nothing and is glad to be alone? What if, what if, what if…
"Fuck it" you hiss and tap on his username, his profile popping up after a brief second of loading the page. 
He… hasn't posted anything for a few months, his last post being from October last year. 
Oh for fucks sake… is this a good sign or not? It could mean he's been seeing someone new, but it could also mean he's just been living his life like usual. 
So many possibilities, yet no resolution seems to be in sight. 
"This is so annoying, oh my gooood" You groan and smack your head into your pillow, laying sprawled out like a star with an annoyed pout on your face. 
"It's been a god damn year," You grumble, "why do I still feel like this?" 
The sound of your fist hitting the mattress of your bed is dull, not the way you wanted it to sound. "I hate this, UGHH" The frustration in your voice is for sure loud and clear, accentuated well by the 'ugh'. 
This whole situation is stressing you out. "I need a shower.." You mumble, absent-minded, as you fling the covers back and swing your legs over the edge of your bed. 
Despite the gloomy weather, you decided to take a walk outside. The rain still hasn't let up, droplets of it occasionally hitting your face. 
"Why is it so cold today? It's already spring…" You mumble quietly to yourself, eyes strictly trained on the path in front of your feet and head held low. 
You're so lost in your thoughts, you don't see the person headed your way. 
And apparently, the person doesn't seem to notice you as well. So your shoulders collide and you stumble, umbrella falling out of your hand and fast quick steps to regain your balance. 
"I'm so sorry! Are you al-" The man rushes to apologize, but his words get stuck in his throat as he takes in who he just, quite literally, stumbled into. 
Rain has hit you mercilessly, soaking you from head to toe within seconds as you stand there, paralyzed. "Baek…Baekhyun?" 
His eyes are wide and mouth slightly open in shock as he doesn't know what to say or do. 
He hasn't seen or talked to you in at least nine or ten months for sure. What is he even supposed to say? "Yeah… it's- it's surely been a while" he dumbly answers. "Ah! Your umbrella!" Baekhyun rushes to pick it up and hold it over your figure. 
But the damage is already done. 
You're shivering, dripping with water but still you've a tiny smile on your lips at the sight of him. 
You delicately take hold of the handle, fingers gently enclosing around the man's hand. 
He doesn't move to let go, just standing there and staring into your eyes. "I-" 
You cut him off by mistake with a sneeze, the cold creeping in deep. It feels like your bones might freeze, grasp around both Baekhyun's hand and the handle of your umbrella tightening, muscles contracting to desperately stay warm. "S-Sorry for interrupting you" You say, teeth clattering and eyes averting. 
"No no don't worry about it!" He insists, "but we should get you home, your hand is cold as ice, Y/N" 
"Ah… you're right" You nod and he flashes you a warm smile. 
"Do you still live in the same apartment or did you move?" Baekhyun asks, back to being concerned about your wellbeing now. 
"I- I still live in the same place" You reply, your free hand holding onto your jacket for warmth, but in vain. 
"That's too far away, my place is way closer" He objects and gently pulls you along, "come on, let's get you freshened up before you really get sick" 
You only manage an awkward nod and let him lead you along, a surprisingly pleasant silence engulfing you two. 
Baekhyun unlocks the door to his apartment and firstly puts both of your umbrellas away, taking off his wet shoes in the process and you follow along. 
"Come on, I'll show you the bathroom" He says and you tag after him. 
He opens the door, turns on the light and quickly pulls out two towels for you. "You can just use my shampoo, I don't have anything suitable here for you, sor-" 
"Thank you" you break his rambling. "You wouldn't need to do this, so thank you" 
Baekhyun smiles softly, although his eyes tell a different story. "I'll bring you some clothes in a bit, okay?" 
"Mhm" you nod and give him a curt bow before he leaves the room, shutting the door behind him. 
You waste no time in stepping out of your soaked clothes and into the shower. 
You set the water to a nice warm temperature and rinse off the cold first, feeling relieved. 
Then there's a knock. "Hey Y/N, I'm putting some clothes on top of the washing machine for you now" he announces before opening the door, doing as he said and then leaving just as quickly as he came. 
"Still the considerate guy he always was…" You mumble with a sad smile, old memories coming back to haunt your mind with sweet images of the two of you. Him always knocking before he'd enter a room you would be in to announce himself. 
You loved that about him, he was always mindful of others and you're happy to see it hasn't changed at all. 
You finished quickly and put on the clothes he gave you. Some boxers and a way too big on you, black shirt. You dried your hair as best as you could with the towel he gave you and made sure you don't look like a lion by patting down your hair a bit. 
"Baekhyun?" You timidly call out after opening the door a bit. 
"Yeah?" He replies and you hear his footsteps approach. "What is it?" 
"Uhm- Where to put my wet clothes?" You ask. 
"Oh- Hold on, I'll put them in the washing machine" He says with big eyes and opens the machine for you to put them in. "I'll dry them after they're washed so you can change back, alright?" 
You nod quickly and thank him quietly. He opens the machine and you put your clothes inside, him doing the rest. 
"So, uh-" 
"Do you want some water?" He quickly asks, ears flaring red as he avoids your eyes. 
"Sure" you squeak back and follow him into the kitchen. He gets a glass out of a cupboard and fills it with water before handing it to you. 
You nip at the liquid as Baekhyun leans against the countertop adjacent to you, eyes taking in your figure. 
He missed seeing you in his clothes, you always looked so good in them. He just missed you in general. 
The reason why the two of you broke up a year ago? 
Baekhyun remembers it all too well. 
It was a work related thing actually. The two of you worked in different shifts and barely saw each other, yet alone had time for any couple stuff. 
Free days? Spent alone or arguing about never seeing each other. 
And at one point you had said to just break up. In that moment Baekhyun felt like he was hit by lightning, body stiff and eyes wide. He couldn't believe what he heard. Baekhyun felt anxiety cursing through his veins as his brain processed your words.
You had told him that you wouldn't hate him, but that your situation at that time just didn't allow any dating. The two of you never had hard feelings about the outcome, but it was hard to suddenly go back to being alone. 
And now you're here, in his apartment, wearing his clothes and smelling just like him. He can't believe this is happening. 
"Uhm, so" You speak up after setting the glass down on the other counter behind you. Your hands come up to grab the surface besides your waist and you avoid the man's eyes. 
"Yes?" Baekhyun can't help the hopeful hint in his voice as he urges you to continue your thoughts. 
"How has life been for you?" 
A chuckle escaped his lips at your question, shoulders jumping up and down in the process before he answered. "It's been rather boring but nice, if you get what I mean? I found a different job and work from home now" 
You nod quietly, "I've also found a new job and my shifts are less hectic" 
"Have you… found someone new?" 
You halt at his inquiry, gears in your mind temporarily stopping and he seems to take the lacking answer the wrong way. A frown pulls at his normally friendly and soft expression, making him look grumpy and bothered. "I see" 
"No, no! I- I haven't found anyone!" You quickly say, "I just… I couldn't move on" 
His expression changes to a sad smile, although he's kind of glad you're still somehow his. "Me neither" 
You scoff lightly, a cheeky smirk suddenly on your face. "No wonder, nobody could put up with your annoying ass anyway" 
"Hey!" He exclaims in shock. 
"I'm joking, I'm joking!" You insist, holding your stomach and laughing. "You're bearable most of the time" 
"That doesn't make it any better!" Baekhyun whines and you laugh out loud, hand flying up to cover your mouth. 
"Still the cocky little girl you've always been" He fires back and you snort. 
"Like you're one to talk" You roll your eyes at him and he exhales through his nose. 
His hands grab you by the collar of his shirt you're wearing and unexpectedly pull you into him. You squeal, hands shooting up to brace against his broad chest and you look up to be met by his cocky smile. "You never knew when to stop, no change at all there" he playfully nags. 
"Shut up" You weakly fight back. 
Baekhyun chuckles and you feel the rumble drumming against the palms of your hands. "How come you haven't moved on?" 
You lower your head, hands fumbling with his shirt. "Well… I came to the conclusion that just nobody could replace you. Nobody could love me like you did…" You mumble against his chest and Baekhyun feels a smile creeping up on his face. 
"I felt the same" He whispers back and his arms move to pull you into him more by your waist. 
After hearing that, you look back up at him with big eyes. "Really?" 
He nods and flashes you a bright smile. "Even though we fought a lot and barely had time for each other, I never stopped loving you" 
"Shut up" You almost whimper and move your hands to pull him closer by the back of his neck, lips meeting in the middle. 
Baekhyun's eyes almost fell out of their sockets before he came to his senses. 
One of his hands found its place on the back of your head as he moved his lips against yours with fervor. He greedily breathes you in, not wanting this to end as moves his mouth against yours. 
You shiver when his tongue meets yours and that's when you draw the line… for now. 
He chases after you for a second and you chuckle, dazed eyes meeting yours. "Slow down tiger" you say and peck the corner of his mouth. 
"Okay, okay" He smiles and pulls you in for a hug, "will you let me love you again?" 
"You bet" 
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goji-pilled · 3 years
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Okay @princekirijo you want an essay? Well here it is now, or as I like to call it Felix's "Asumari is great and this fandom has no fucking taste" rambling and infodump. Congrats fellas, thanks to Prince you ALL get an asumari essay. But before that I'll try to give you a rundown of Mari and Asuka. 
(I'm also so sorry for putting this long ass post on everyone's dashboard)
(Spoiler warning for Evangelion 3.0+1.0 Thrice Upon a Time!!)
Alright on one hand we have Mari Illustrious Makinami. Her whole deal? She's a walking ray of sunshine, literally lol. Unlike any other character in the Evangelion franchise she doesn't suffer from her trauma, she's quite literally the only healthy and functioning human being, she's just slightly leaning towards "batshit crazy" with the stunts she pulls 🤷‍♂️. Other than that she just loves living, she loves being with people, she keeps moving forward, stays positive and decides to live life to it's fullest even after she experiences loss and multiple apocalyptic events (Second Impact, Third Impact, etc.) and she really just embodies the joy of living. That's all there is to her, or at least all we know.
On the other hand, we have Asuka Langley Shikinami who is... well it's hard to explain what she is to be honest. She's part-German and part-Japanese and part of a line of clones specifically made with the purpose to pilot an Evangelion and later on be used as a sacrifice to trigger another Impact (ITS COMPLICATED I KNOW-) Asuka is, unlike Mari, very much suffering from her trauma. She doesn't have her parents and has a very deep seated belief that she's completely alone, which she says doesn't matter as long as she can pilot the Eva. She also very much wants to fight and kill angels all by herself, and it's seriously messing with her when she can't achieve that.
Now we get to the more interesting parts (hopefully this so far wasn't too confusing, then again it's Eva and even I can't fully wrap my head around it all LMAO)
In the second Rebuild movie (Evangelion 2.0 You can (not) advance) we get introduced to both of them, Mari's introduction scene (in the original English dub) has her pilot an Eva and singing about how she'll take the world on by herself, while in the third movie's (Evangelion 3.0 You can (not) redo) opening scene she's piloting the Eva again but this time it's together with Asuka (in her own Unit 02 though) and during that Mari sings about how wonderful it is not to be alone. It's nothing big yet, but it's a really cute detail me thinks,,, you know what else I love about them? They bicker and they banter and it's genuinely so fun to listen to shskdhsuwj
(For a quick catch up: During the end of 2.0 Shinji (the protagonist) triggers another apocalyptic event, the Near Third Impact, and was only stopped due to Kaworu (the guy in my pfp) stepping in. Also between 1.0/2.0 and 3.0/3.0+1.0 are about 14 years (without Shinji bc he's like comatose) where A LOT happens AND we learn in 3.0 that Eva pilots don't age physically bc of "The curse of the Eva"... honestly Eva is wild lmao)
Okay okay I'll get back to it!
So one thing that happens is that Asuka during 2.0 develops a crush on Shinji (girl why-), unfortunately things take a turn for the worse. Asuka had volunteered to be the testpilot for a new Eva (Unit 03), she seemed happy at the time and it was a really sweet build up with the "I can smile, I didn't know I could still do that."-line. And then? Then it turns out the Ninth Angel had infected Unit 03 (Angels are basically the Kaijus they fight using Evas btw). The thing goes on a loose and Shinji is forced to fight it (With Asuka inside mind you), he refuses and his father uses an autopilot to destroy Unit 03. And boy did it destroy the angel, well it and it crushed Asuka between its jaws (you can actually hear her scream btw haha pain :)).
Asuka survived though, but the whole incident cost her her humanity and she ended up becoming an angel herself/she took the place of the Ninth. But despite that, there's one person who keeps believing in Asuka's humanity, who fiercely believes Asuka is still a human and tells her as much.
Yep, that one person is Mari and she keeps holding onto that belief until the very end when Asuka uses her last resort, which is using the power of an angel (Doing so was a guaranteed death sentence btw). Mari's own words (in the German dub) were, "Princess, you're giving up being human…" AND IT MAKES ME SO EMO GOD FUCK
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While I'm at it, Mari and Asuka are a fucking killer combo as a team. They rely on each other for support in combat, listen to the other's orders and advice. Especially in Asuka's case it's kind of a big deal that she so openly relies and counts on Mari's support. Like these two trust each other with their damn lifes!!! Holy shit!!
Guess what though, they also have nicknames for eachother. Mari always calls Asuka "Princess" or "(Your) Highness" while Asuka calles Mari "Four-eyes" / "Four-eyed chrony (idk how you spell that tbh RIP" Even better though, in the German dub Asuka calls Mari "Brillerella" as in a combination of "Brille" (German for glasses) and "Cinderella",,,,Cinderella and her Prince,,,Brillerella and her Princess,,, man, that was a gay fucking move of the translation team. Spoiler: I owe them my life.
Funfact: There's exactly two times throughout the Rebuild movies where Mari uses Asuka's actual name. These two times being when she watches Asuka "die" and be used as a sacrifice for Gendo's selfish plan and when later on she begs Shinji, "So please the Princess… Asuka needs your help!" And the best part? That wasn't even the first time she did that. The mentioned line came from 3.0+1.0, but she did that too in 3.0 with the, "At least save the Princess!" line (although her tone was much more...pissed, like she was really angry lol)
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Remember the crush Asuka had on Shinji? Well due to the Unit 03 incident a whole lot of other shit got mixed into that and her feelings for him in general became really bitter (understandably so). Now Mari being who she is sometimes teases Asuka about said old crush but she really does want Asuka to get closure and sort that mess out. 
As an example for the teasing, in 3.0 there's a scene that goes like this (please imagine Mari with a literal :3 face while saying that):
"Unit! Are you back in the game?"
"I'm on it, your Highness. But first things first, how was our little puppy (Shinji)? Did he sit like a good little boy?"
"He's exactly the same! Same stupid face talking mayhem!"
"That goofy face of his, that's what you wanted to see? Riiiiight?"
"Shut up! I went there to bat him one!... And I feel better!"
There's also a very short bonus manga that was released in Japan for Thrice Upon a Time's release that has Mari trying to convince Asuka to come with her on the mission to get Shinji, given everything that follows, it's just another thing to prove my point. And the final bit relating to that is this:
"Feeling better now?"
"Yeah, I do feel better."
That's the exchange Asuka and Mari have after they talked to Shinji, it's nothing special but I think it's really sweet and this time Asuka actually sounded like she was feeling better instead of when she was screaming after she nearly broke pretty thick glass with her fist (If she had hit someone with that much force she definitely would've broken something omggg #violentimpulsesgang)
To get back on track though: I already mentioned it but during the second half of 3.0+1.0 Asuka "dies" (and honestly that entire scene is worth its own in-depth post because its just one huge parallel to The End of Evangelion), the point is: You can tell that the loss of Asuka honestly hits Mari hard. Not only because of how Mari screams Asuka's name but also because of her expressions. They're pained, like really fucking pained and Mari even apologizes to her that she has to fall back due to the fact that she's injured AND because eveything is going wrong.
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After the events of Evangelion 3.0 these two got seperated from eachother, Mari was with WILLE (the organization both of them are with) and on board of Wunder (the ship WILLE basically operates from) while Asuka was in a Village full of (Near) Third Impact Survivors. When they do meet again it went like this:
Asuka, barely back, comes to the door and calls, "I'm back." And within seconds of Asuka stepping into their room after the door opens Mari already runs towards her, arms wide open and she says, "Welcome back, your Highness! Good job. I missed you so much!" And she says that while she literally nuzzles into Asuka,,,like,,,what the fuck gay people real!!! 
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Best part? Asuka clearly has enough strength to push Mari completely away if she were uncomfortable, but she doesn't. Asuka merely wanted enough space to look at the room (because Mari managed to horde even more books lol) and play her game. During their entire renunion Mari keeps hugging her, and part of me thinks that perhaps deep down Asuka actually enjoys the feeling of physical affection.
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Before we get to the last point though, let me say that Asuka and Mari have scenes in 3.0+1.0 that parallel Shinji and Kaworu's from 3.0. (Fyi Kaworu loves Shinji (yeah, like that, and 3.0 was basically them being gay as fuck for an hour) so like...do I even need to explain? 
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And then of course there's also this, the "Take care of yourself, Princess…" line. That is the last time Mari talks to Asuka and as much as that line alone already is so much, it's Mari's expression in particular that kills me. Because this? This soft, almost bittersweet expression she has, as she basically says goodbye? Because she knows Asuka will finally be happy and safe? It just makes me feel so much actually. Man.
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In the end it's a fact that Mari loved Asuka, wether that is interpreted as platonic or romantic by someone is up to them. But it is a fact that Asuka was loved enough that someone wanted to hug her, was happy to see her, to praise her, was hurt by her loss, wanted her to be safe, that someone told her "Take care of yourself…" Asuka was really and honestly so loved that someone would tell her, "I missed you."
But Asuka? Asuka was too hurt, too wrapped up in her own head to actually see how loved she was by Mari (and other people) that she genuinely believed she's completely alone and always will be alone.
It makes the "Take care of yourself" line hit even harder to me, because it's not only Mari's goodbye, but it's a goodbye during the one time Asuka allowed herself to be vulnerable and admit what she really wanted.
And honestly? All of this? Its makes me feel so many things and I just love them  so much man.
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