#mech is usually for Big Robot but I don’t car

[canon-gabriel-quotes]

i'm sure ppl have probably flooded your inbox about this, but there was... a request.... in the 5/1 stream.... for v1 eating gabriel's(and i quote) "boy period"... not sure if you intend to seek it out nor post it, but it's hilarious as insane as it is. everyone went insane and rightfully so. just putting that out there for ya ;)

HELP..

#mech is usually for Big Robot but I don’t car #*​care. I don’t car either fuck cars (not like that) #Goodness what is going on in there #I haven’t watched the stream yet but YEAH SURE ILL POST THAT #between this and the ‘ex boobs’ one. you guys are insane (positive) #ask #asks #non voice post #suggestive #<- just in case???

[dreamer213]

Broken Machines: Lights The Dark

Chapter 3: Evening in Atlas Part 1

A week has passed since Weiss’s escape and Jacques’s meltdown, everything has been clean up both in and outside of the manor and Jacques is hosting another evening party as an “apology” for Weiss’s behavior and to announce Whitley as her replacement. The party is set to start at 8 pm, only a few hours away, and the manor staff are hard at work finishing up preparations for the night’s event. But they weren’t the only ones getting ready for the evening. Deep within the manor the youngest Schnee is making preparations of his own.

After finishing his daily assignments, both academic and business related, Whitley tidies up his work space, gets up from his desk and walks over to his mirror.

Whitley: I only have an hour and a half until I need to get changed and two hours before the final walkthrough. I have still have some time to make sure I have it down. A few more goes and I should be ready.

Whitley takes a long look in the mirror, closes his eyes, and then preforms several breathing techniques. Once he’s finished the exercises, Whitley put his heels together, puts his arms out in front of himself with his hands together, puts on slight frown, and lowers his gazes. Where once stood a calm young man now stands a sorrowfully and disappointed boy. He looks into the mirror and signs.

Whitley: I’m so sorry about what happened with Weiss at the charity gala, it was truly a shameful sight.

Yes, I know her behavior was horrible but you must understand she was on ground when it all happened, I’m sure just hearing the word “Vytal” so soon after was far too for much for her to bare.

The fact Weiss made it home alive is a miracle in and of itself, so how could we expect her to come back completely unscathed from the horrors she must’ve witnessed.

Yes, it is terrible how things had to end but all we can do now is hope and pray that she’ll be able make her own way now that she’s on her own.

Thank you for your concern, I to hope that she’ll make peace with her decisions one day.

He continues on speaking several more scripted statements. After he’s spoken his last line he takes a deep inhale and return to his normal stance on the exhale. Soon he repeats the process, this time leaning more into the disappointment aspect, only to start over again this time using a more indifferent attitude as he speaks. It takes a hour for the boy finally stop, satisfied with his work he gives himself an approving nod.

Whitley: That should do for now.

Suddenly there’s a knock at his door, it’s the maids. He opens the door and they bring in his attire for tonight’s party. A thunder grey suit top, cobalt blue vest with silver buttons, white dress shirt, black pants, tie, pocket square, and dress socks, and a pair of navy blue dress shoes. The perfect ensemble for the disinheritance of one heir and the announcement of a new one.

After the maids set the pieces on his bed Whitley nods towards the door, they take the hint and leave the room. Once they’re gone Whitley gets dressed, styles his hair, and heads out towards the ballroom. When he arrives things are going as well as the normally do. The staff is rushing to get everything ready, food venders are setting the buffet, the musicians are tuning their instruments, and Jacques is shouting and hassling everyone over the tiniest of detail. Whitley walks up to him as he’s screaming at servant trying to hang some drapes.

Jacques: No, now that’s too low, put it up higher! No higher! HIGHER! I said higher you worthless insec-

Whitley: Father.

Jacques: Ah there you are Whitley, I was hoping you’d come down soon. Have you finished your work for the day?

Whitley: Yes, I finished my studies a few hours ago. All my assignments are in an orderly pile on my desk as always.

Jacques: And the reports and approval forms?

Whitley: All the forms have been reviewed, filled out, signed, and should be delivered to your office before the party begins.

Jacques: and the speech for tonight?

Whitley: I have both yours and mine completely memorized down to the margins.

Jacques: And if people ask about your sister?

Whitley: “ It’s such a shame that things turned out this way but I suppose it is for the best. Both for the company and her sanity.”

Jacques: Excellent. Since you have nothing to do you can oversee the rest of the preparations. I have to go change into my good suit.

Jacques begins to walk out of the ballroom, he gets a few feet away before he remembers something and turns back. Once he’s back in front of Whitley he pulls a pack of something out of his breast pocket and hands it to Whitley. They were professionally made business cards, white base with a navy blue outline and black font. Inscribed on them is Whitley’s contact information with his name written in large cursive letters with the title of Heir to the Schnee Dust Company underneath. This was his new title and another step closer to his goal. However there’s something very wrong with this situation. Having business cards made for Whitley was one thing but delivering them himself? Not possible. Jacques had too much pride and money to ever do such a menial task. No, something’s off here.

Whitley: Thank you Father but why are you handing them to me? Isn’t delivering things likes this one of Klein’s responsibilities?

Jacques: Oh did I forget to tell you, I kicked that disloyal mutt to the curb this morning, there’s no need to keep such traitorous trash in my manor.

Whitley: I see.

Jacques: Now if you’ll excuse me I have to get changed. Have everything ready before I get back alright?

Whitley: Yes Father.

Once Jacques has left the area the reality of what he just said sets in. Klein, the only person who had cared for Whitley and his sisters in the last ten years, had been thrown to the streets for helping Weiss. The closest thing to a shoulder to cry on he had was taken away because of his sister’s actions. If Whitley had been a normal child he would’ve broke down and cried. He would have shouted and screamed about the unfairness of it all and how his father was being needlessly cruel. But Whitley wasn’t a normal child, he didn’t have the luxury of throwing a fit to get his way. In fact if he ever showed any sign of discontent he’d be punished for acting ungrateful and selfish. No all he could do was stay calm and keep moving forward. He could get someone to check up on Klein later but for now he has to play his part.

Once the preparations are done, the staff is in position, and the door are about to open Whitley heads towards the ballroom entrance where Jacques is waiting. He takes his place at his father’s side and puts on his best “smile” as the doors finally open and Atlas elites begin to pour into to the ballroom. CEO’s, Politicians, Celebrities, and the like were gathered at the manor to attend to tonight’s evening party. Many of them had been present when Weiss made her scene and were anxiously awaiting the outcome of the drama she caused. This was a rare treat for the elites after all, to have the head of the world’s largest dust company the proverbial king of high society bow his head and apologize for his teenage daughter’s outrageous behavior. Oh what a show that would be, the perfect theatre for Atlas’s most wealthy and heartless.

Whitley: The audience is here and the curtains are drawn. Its showtime.

.

.

.

.

This week had been a hard one for Penny. A small riot, several bar fights that made it onto the streets, three robberies, two large Grimm attacks, and a car accident over the course of five days. It’s been really, really tiring but luckily today had been surprisingly normal compared to the other rest of the week. So much so that Penny was able to wrap up her duties on time for once. After her last report is filled out Penny grabs her things, turns in her usb, and is out the door before the front desk assistant can even say good night. Finally the work day was over and Penny actually had enough time to both unwind a bit and get lots of sleep before her next shift. Oh what she could do with that time maybe read a few chapters of “The Tome of Fables” book her dad had gotten her months ago, or try out that stitch pattern Mrs. Peri showed her last week or maybe just watch some tv.

Penny skips off towards home, happy as any girl could be when given some free time. Once she’s made it home she can already hear her dad in the kitchen, hard to work making dinner. It had been a hard week for him to as he’d been call in a number of times for consultations on improving the robot soldiers and some of the mech suits. But no matter how much he had to do Pietro would always find time for his little girl. Penny smiles at the sight and tiptoes over to him. She sneaks up behind him, gets down to his level, and gives him a big hug. Pietro responds in kind, turning his chair around and squeezing her back.

Pietro: Welcome back sweetie, you’re home early.

Penny: No, I’m just on time. Things were relatively peaceful today so I didn’t have to stay overtime again.

Pietro: That wonderful sweet pea. But I was expected you to be home later so it’s gonna be an hour or so before the food done.

Penny: That’s okay in fact I was hoping spend some of tonight on doing a leisure activity.

Pietro: Really, well then why don’t you go up your room and relax then? I’ll call you when it’s ready.

Penny: That’s a great idea thanks Dad!

Pietro: Just don’t forget to wash your hands before you come back down.

Penny: I won’t.

She gives her dad a quick little cheek kiss before hop upstairs to her room. Once she’s inside she kicks off her boots, grabs her book, and plops down on her bed for a nice read. After half an hour or so someone starts knocking on their front door. Who could that be at this hour? If it was an emergency Penny would get a call or message on her scroll from the security office. And the neighbors would usually calling her dad before coming by for anything. Penny, now curious about the situation, sat up from and puts her book down.

Pietro: Penny!

Penny: I’ve got it!

She puts on a pair of slippers and heads downstairs to answer the door. Penny opens the door only to be greeted by the sight of General James Ironwood in his army best with a shopping bag in hand and a limousine behind him. Definitely not what Penny was expecting at to see at 9:35 at night. As soon as the shock wears off Penny stands at attention and salutes her superior.

Penny: Good Evening General Ironwood.

Ironwood: Evening Penny.

Penny: Sir, What brings to my home at this hour? Is there an emergency I need to attend to? Or is there something you need my assistance with?

Ironwood: There aren’t any emergencies in Mantle at the moment but there is a mission I need your help with.

Penny: What do you need me to do?

Ironwood: I’ll explain everything in the car. But first, I need you to get changed.

Ironwood hands her the shopping bag. Penny peeks inside to see a dress wrapped in plastic and a shoe box. Penny takes the bag and heads back to her room to change. She puts the contents of the bag on her bed and opens them. The dress is a simple green evening gown and the shoes are a pair of 4 inch silver heels. Penny remove her normal attire and puts on the gown and shoes. This was strange, wearing such different clothes from her normal look. Even before her restoration Penny had only ever wore one outfit, all the clothes she had were just multiples of the same outfit, and although her new outfit was very different to her old one it still shared many of the same elements the old one did, barring the fact that she now wore shoes every now and then. The dress itself was a bit long and a little too wide around the waist but still very pretty. The shoes, while cute and her size, were hard to walk in. Penny had never wore heels before, she takes a slow walk around her room to try and figure out how to walk straight. After circling her room a few times she gets a rhythm going. It a little slow but it would do. She checks herself in the mirror and is pleasantly surprised at how different she looks in different clothes. She’s looking herself over when she realizes she had left her bow on. She only ever took it off when she was going to sleep so she’d completely forgotten it was still on her head. Realizing it didn’t quite match the rest of her outfit Penny pulls it off and fixes her hair to catch the fly aways. After one more look and a little twirl Penny heads back down stairs to her dad and Ironwood. When Pietro sees her he almost cries. She looks so beautiful, so happy, and is just beaming with pride, it’s almost too much for him. He’s little girl had become a beautiful young lady.

Pietro: Oh my god. You look so beautiful.

Penny: Thanks Dad.

Ironwood: You look nice Penny, now let’s go.

Penny: Yes Sir. Eat with me okay, I’ll be back as soon as I possibly can.

Pietro: Just be safe out there.

Penny: I will be. See you soon.

With a wave and shutting of a car door Penny and Ironwood depart into Mantle’s night. After a minute or so Penny speaks up and finally asks the questions that’s been running through her mind since she answered the door.

Penny: Sir, why did you come to my house in such an oddly noticeable vehicle and in such formal clothing? And why did you have me change into on an outfit that is equally as formal?

Ironwood: Because outfits like this are necessary where we’re going for this mission.

Penny: And where exactly are we going?

Ironwood: Simple, we’re going to a evening party.

There’s a pause as Penny processes this information. Her eyes grow wide and her mouth slowly falls agape as she finds herself confused by the sheer absurdity of the situation she found herself in.

Penny: ………….What? WHAT!

#broken machines #penny polendina #whitley schnee #jacques schnee #pietro polendina #rwby #rwby fanfiction #fanfiction #fanfic #the fated meeting is close at hand

[mothbug]

maggie i’ve been trying to suss out the plot of ur bug lesbians for so long please tell me abt them. somehow it got into my head that they were?? like jaeger pilots? please confirm or deny

i can’t do a read more on mobile so i’m sorry in advance (coming back here after i’ve written this: it makes no sense. it’s all rambling. sorry. and i just put things everywhere randomly so this won’t even be typed chronologically)

yeah there’s giant fun robots! most of them are normal and fine but like a few of them are very fucked up

so there’s four pov characters and at the start of the story three of them are on the same ship and the fourth is the target they’re chasing? only one of them knows they even HAVE a target and is trying her best to stall because she and the target were roommates in fucked up robot catholic school. the other two are playing crazy 8s and being romantic and also terrified all the time but also doing a lot of theorizing about things because they know SOMETHING is up they just don’t know what’s going on. Bc you know. their commander won’t give them any information. and also avoids them because she hates narrative parallelism

also the one stalling is also having her blood drunk by her giant robot. and maybe being mildly possessed by it? so it’s maybe The most fucked up robot. it’s also a giant dog and a good boy. and an heirloom of a fucked up family. which may explain some stuff but honestly i think nisa’s mom was just a bitch and it didn’t have anything to do with the robot she’s just like that.

and she’s stalling bc she Knows she won’t turn perovskia in she knows she wouldn’t let her get hurt she Knows it’ll change her life forever if she finds her and she’s just not ready to face that. but yknow she has to so it was all just very silly of her but when something will change your life dramatically it’s terrifying even if you know that things currently Suck.

somewhere in here Arkansas’s family is threatened and it’s. upsetting. and i’m not sure what direction to go in with it but it will be important because her family means a Lot to her. she has two very good kind dads and a little sister named Tinsel. basically she has the only functional biological family out of all the characters and they make me :’) I also think they eventually meet Idabel and ADORE her and since she grew up without parents it’s just a very strange and emotional experience and. h. they r Wives. and the Trust family is all very sweet and kind even if Arkansas struggles a lot w gifted kid syndrome like i think her dads did their best even if they fucked up sometimes yknow. idabel goes fucking wild at the arcade like legitimately bloodthirsty and arkansas is just like i love my furious and powerful wife

anyway there’s some (a lot of) homoerotic space fighting (which perovskia usually wins BECAUSE she remembers when she and nisa used to spar and can predict what she’ll do. nisa ALSO remembers this bc. ofc she does. but perovskia had to learn how to adapt after Events bc her physical health changed a lot and she had to learn to be more careful about overexerting herself and also now knows how to swordfight. and moves more fluidly and confidently. so what nisa expects to happen often doesn’t bc perovskia’s fighting style has changed so much while nisa hasn’t really bothered to refine hers. anyway) perovskia (the gay little target that does a gay little crime and makes fun of you to piss you off) is like hey. what if you all committed treason it’s really fun and sexy. and then her adoptive mechanic mom gives everyone spinal surgery so their bodies don’t shut down and they won’t die :) that’s a thing by the way i won’t elaborate bc uhh :( but it is why perovskia has all the. nerve damage and chronic pain. i can elaborate on the actual Pre-story perovskia stuff later bc i think about it A Lot and it has a lot of bearing on her character but it’s also. before all this. but anyway if she hadn’t been bleeding out on Slice’s front lawn specifically she Would be dead. and there’s some fun narrative foil character shifts that happen four years before the main storyline but i will not say bc i’m tired

after this is Vague in my mind but a lot of it is Perovskia and Nisa reconnecting and just. talking. but being weird and repressed and deflective about anything Meaningful. And I have written a Lot about this so there’s more than I can condense but it’s very fucking good and. Idk. it’s a big shift in the narrative at this point and they’re just Agonizing about their dumb little feelings and it’s good. and P doing some work to make their giant fucking spaceship more stealthy. and Idabel and Arkansas being really cute and also going THROUGH it because i mean. a lot is happening. And it’s nothing either of them ever expected to happen but they’re like. hopeful for the future or whatever don’t look at me. It’s just like. put all of these characters on a spaceship in the middle of nowhere in transit and they all Have to have conversations even if they don’t want to because it’s HARD. nisa is forced by slice to learn how to make pancakes

Slice makes stew. They’re good at stew and contraptions and having a mild new england accent somehow. also canonically back in the scrapyard they would make things like the knife wielding tentacle constantly and perovskia would just stumble upon them. slice changed the live laugh love sign to say die cry hate because perovskia made fun of it. they r her mom.

so now they do some fun fun robberies and various crimes and it’s so sexy and i don’t think N and P are like. fully caught up at this point or know where they stand, so there’s a lot of very fun banter and having to work together despite really being afraid but also yearning to get to know each other again and just connect with one another honestly and openly after four fuckin years apart. because they’re both so different now but also very much the same. horse staring out into sea MAN. the thing is there’s no direct like. reason for them to avoid each other (at first P was shocked and overwhelmed and felt a little bit betrayed when she found out who was chasing her until she found out WHY. oh i forgot to mention Nisa BEGGED to be assigned commander for this mission bc she knew anyone else wouldn’t hesitate to get Perovskia killed. Forgot to mention that it’s IMPORTANT she fucking loves her so much god DAMMIT) but it’s just. tense and there’s a lot happening and it’s just. Ghhhdhbnm and ofc I and A have picked up on it since P showed up but it’s like. ok so what is Happening here. OH AND ONCE THEY START WORKING THINGS OUT IDABEL DOES START BEHAVING LIKE NISA’S SHITTY LITTLE SIBLING AND ACTING FUCKING DISGUSTED BY THEM ITS VERY FUNNY. they’re like perovskia you’re pretty cool what’s up with this. nisa sucks and also is a bitch. and perovskia says SHE CAN GET IT. and idabel says GET WHAT? BANNED FROM OLIVE GARDEN? and perovskia fans herself and is like yeah~ and idabel was just joking around but now is debating between mercilessly making fun of her and hitting her with a cricket bat. but god when P and N just get to hold each other in silence and security and just be. it’s . they. god. fuck. man.

oh i know this is a space story but perovskia just straight up has a sword (and some knives and maybe a gun idk) don’t ask me why idk but it’s very lesbian of her and she does gay little flourishes and is just. very annoying and i like her a lot. she’s very dramatic like her alias was madame revenant when she was living in the scrapyard and just doing some petty crimes like. she embroidered that jacket herself nobody calls her that she’s just a goofball. also warrior cats exist and she makes warrior cat fan animations. that just has to be true so warriors has been preserved for centuries. also she was presumed dead for a while uhh don’t think abt it too much but she likes that aesthetic.

Idabel takes the best to this new life of crime they are fucking FOR it she gets a FLAMETHROWER and Arkansas is like. wrow honestly my favorite thing abt them is that they’re both fucking INCREDIBLE pilots. like they know what they’re doing. and nisa is really really bad at it btw she cannot pilot a mech well. but this block of text isn’t about her i’m talking about THEM. Their chemistry is so good they r just. 🥺. and they both become Fast friends with perovskia because she’s just pretty likeable?? and ofc nisa’s jealous bc a) you guys don’t even like me :( but also b) that’s MY friend. it’s very funny. honey of course they didn’t like you you were being very unpleasant to be around. but arkansas does rlly wanna be friends with her and she and idabel have so much sibling energy it’s insane. i think they’d abel and cain each other for a scooby snack but also kill for each other. because they’re tiny girls who will growl at you solidarity and also probably hang out and just destroy things with bats sometimes. they all become closer and get a rlly sweet found family dynamic it just takes a While. oh also idabel is basically the chosen one and can set things on fire with her hands but it’s barely touched on because i think that’s a really funny thing to just ignore. but i also think it does become important because it’s largely fueled by anger and emotion and. h. i think idabel has a lot of feelings ok. Arkansas and Perovskia bond over having fucking anxiety disorders and have caprisun drinking competitions. i think it’s just like. these people all have similar trauma and need people to lean on when things are hard so they stick with each other once they have the option to split apart because by then they’re friends and work well together and Care. auto tuned baby crying mp3.

Alia and Agent Variety show up somewhere around here? They’re Slice’s very cool wives and Alia has a Vechicle Collection and own fucking stupid race cars and stuff and I love her. perovskia is afraid of being in vechiles so she has to take a fucking benadryl every time they have to make a getaway. Variety isn’t actually an Agent anymore and I also love HER because she’s very fucking good. they started out as just contacts slice had but it turns out they’re all in love <3 alia is also actually a sports car racer like. unprofessionally. illegally. which is just very cool of them.

Also i don’t think it has. a very BIG end, yknow? it’s like, they’re doing very good things and are up against a lot, and I don’t think they like.. singlehandedly take down the government or anything because they’re only a few people. but i think they get a happy ending and get to grow old while making positive changes to the world around them. like i don’t think they’ll be able to solve everything but they’re sure as hell gonna do what they can. But idk maybe they actually do get like. some good shit done. but again they’re not. an army. they’re a bunch of 20-somethings and their rube-goldberg-machine-creating chaperone. but i think they should get a fun climactic moment so i guess this is all to say i don’t. have an ending planned. but there should probably be one at some point.

OH AND the giant evil blood sucking dog vineyard vines robot Definitely almost kills Nisa (or at least fully destroys her in some way) and. it’s very narrowly avoided and she’s very very weak for a while because it took a lot out of her. also the dog robot does make grape vines grow and uhhhh any grapes that show up are 100% full of the pilot’s siphoned blood. also i think there’s still some remnants of that bitch in nisa’s mind afterwards bc an old mechanical god is hard to get rid of. but it’s mostly ok.

Also the bug people are just. a thing. like every person in the most recent generation in this specific society are at least a little bit genetically experimented on because. it sucks there. and i think if your parents bribe the government you can be a little Less fucked up but yknow. everyone’s a little weird. this was an excuse to put bug ppl in here they’re just the folks who were probably the most fucked with and i have many bug people here because i think bugs are cool and i want them to look like weird little bugs. This was all also an excuse to give the main characters fangs bc i’m gay. i don’t think randomly fucking with your genetics will make you a bug in real life so do not try this at home or at all PSA

SPEAKING of the society ok it’s very much obsessed with earth nostalgia and stuff and very yknow. basic cyperpunk shitty capitalism you know the drill you’ve seen space operas whatever but it’s also weirdly oligarchical? and like? it’s weird and bad and kind of a corporatocracy?? and. fuck. idk man they’re a fucked up space catgirl greeble-y amazon with catholic imagery. The Academy is also a thing but. idk how to describe it more than i already have it’s just kinda shitty boarding school. And after a certain point ppl can get sent on like. missions and stuff? in their fucking robots? but again i’m not sure what For. an option could be that there’s nearby Shit and nobody can tell if it’s safe because space is weird? also it’s only about 3200 so i’d say like. whole societies out in space is a relatively new thing and there’s some weird shit going on. so they sometimes send teenagers out in robots to see what’s up and that ends SUPER well for EVERYONE. hmm something SHOULD be going on actually there should be some weird eldritch space stuff. it should be connected to the more fucked up robots. it should also be Core’s fault somehow because uhhh capitalism and lack of foresight? anyway here’s women kissing i don’t know things. WAIT FUCK I FORGOT TO MENTION HOW SHADY SOME OF THE STUFF GOING ON IS LIKE THE DEATHS OF THE CREW PEROVSKIA WAS ON UHHH JUST TRUST ME DUDE like they are NOT afraid to get kids killed which was IMPLIED but also like it goes a little deeper than that and uhh i don’t know exactly what’s happening. but i’m sure it’ll all fall into place eventually. basically it’s very fatt shitty faction vibes idk how else to describe it. man it‘s like. just. there’s stuff happening they have goals and ideals and there’s probably more to it than i know so far bc stuff happens but i don’t KNOW what i’m tired and have been typing this for a year i don’t want to talk abt the bad capitalists i want to talk about tenderness and girls but unfortunately the ways in which the girls are tender are deeply informed by the environment they grew up in so i do have to think about it even if they all deserved better.

i think they all get a cat or a dog or something eventually. like they all deserve it. i think the final home they build together is actually pretty reminiscent of the scrapyard house. i think they get to live there for the rest of their lives and. just build something small and wonderful for themselves :’)

also i forgot to put men in the story they exist i just forgot about them. there’s nisa’s one ex i already forgot his name but he’s mentioned i think.

#IM SO SORRY FOR HOW INCOMPREHENSIBLE THIS IS I DONT HAVEA PLOT I HAVE CONCEPTS #ocs #long post #LONG FUCKING POST I CAN’T STRESS THIS ENOUGH #death ment #body horror cw #maybe #catholicism ment #again just to be safe #injury ment #possession tw

[bronanlynch]

thursday again no (?) problem

listening: been in a Rilo Kiley mood recently, the song The Good That Won’t Come Out hits me in a place, love a soft little bop that makes me feel all melancholy

reading: I’m about two thirds of the way through The Steel Crow Saga by Paul Kreuger, I’m enjoying it, the worldbuilding is cool and I care abt the characters. the quote on the back compares it to Avatar but Imo it’s more like Korra specifically than AtLA (there are cars and trains and guns, and also people trying to rebuild their countries after years of occupation and dealing with the aftermath of colonialism). however it has a significantly more coherent grasp on political themes than Korra does (I love Korra but. hmm. I have some opinions abt some of the writing decisions). also most of the main characters aren’t straight, and there’s a trans man who is, admittedly, kind of an asshole but I like him on principle bc there are so few trans mlm in fantasy, so it’s unfortunate that this one is aggressively a monarchist but he’s also sleeping with the prince which is one of the more valid reasons to be a monarchist so he’s valid I guess

watching: so I finished Gundam Wing, and my review is that it would be a good show if the characters had consistent motivations and coherent emotional arcs. I care enough about some of the character because they have enough potential for me to want more. as far as I can tell there’s not really a thematic message beyond “war is bad but people enjoy fighting,” because most characters fall somewhere on the spectrum between “war is good because people naturally enjoy fighting, therefore fighting is beautiful” “peace is good but only if you get there by destroying all of your enemies first so there’s no one left to fight you” “war is bad which means I need to do war crimes and/or let war crimes happen so that everyone sees how fucked up war is” and “fighting at all ever is bad even if fascists are invading your country, the right thing to do in that situation is surrender and let them turn you into a figurehead”

the politics are wildly inconsistent and also, Imo, not great. don’t understand why the group trying to fight back against the organization who conquered the entire earth by force are somehow the bad guys, except that they inexplicably put some asshole who changed sides like 5 times in charge of their entire operation, and he inexplicably wants to blow up the entire earth in order to show people why war is bad. seriously.

there’s also a weird emphasis on heterosexual love as the most important thing to strive for, despite none of the m/f relationships getting any development whatsoever and the only relationships that seem to actually matter are familial or ~the bond between fellow warriors

and then the ending feels very abrupt and like. suddenly everything is supposed to be fine now because it was all just a misunderstanding and no one actually wanted to fight a war, we were all just doing war crimes to show how bad war is, so never mind all those people who died or the child soldiers who were traumatized along the way. and maybe the way that most of the plot feels like it was meaningless now that everyone has just suddenly realized that they should stop fighting is meant to be a commentary on war meaningless. maybe. or maybe they should have written a more coherent plot and a more convincing ending. because that interpretation doesn’t really track with all the emphasis on how cool and important the Gundam pilots are, so maybe this show is just falling into “fighting is beautiful/wow cool robot” line of thinking that it was trying to critique

HOWEVER, a counterpoint and also subtle plug for my ttrpg/Friends at the Table/mech anime twitter: there sure are lots of dynamics that give me gay vibes

also watching: that Supernatural clip. you know the one. I have an entire essay in me about how straight people fundamentally don’t understand what coming out means or how it works or why we do it, but everything about Cas ““speaking his truth”“ and how that’s the happiest he thinks he can ever be even though both he and the text of the script say that his feelings are unrequited is such out of touch cishet bullshit. coming out, in gay media for/by straight people, is usually framed as like, the end goal and something that we do for its own sake or so that we can be ~authentic or whatever the fuck. which, at least in my experience, is just. not how it works. and maybe I’m missing something here, because I do not feel like I’m being “fake” by not being out to everyone I meet, and also that when I lie about my identity for my own comfort and safety that’s 100% fine and valid, actually. but Imo coming out is just as much, if not more, about gaining access to community support and resources and potential relationships. you don’t come out to your crush so that you can live your truth or whatever the fuck, you come out to your crush because you want to date them. so fuck off with that “true happiness isn’t about having it’s just about saying it” bullshit

playing: I know I talk a lot abt my ongoing Beam Saber campaign but I’m really excited about it, and I spent a lot of time yesterday doing prep for both the current mission and the next few missions, including some broader faction stuff. I’d never run a campaign before this and it’s really fun actually? and I love the downtime & faction stuff that Beam Saber does that you can’t really get when you’re just doing one shots all the time.

making: didn’t take pictures because I was running late to Beam Saber but I made some pretty tasty garlic bread last night. most of the stuff I’ve been making recently has been food tbh, my big cosplay project goes through phases where I work on it a lot and then realize how much work I still have to do and take a break for a few weeks, and right now I have to alter a bunch of pattern pieces so that’s. gonna be fun

#dreaming.txt

[angstyryguy]

A Digital Fever

no pairings

no spoilers for anything in the series, it’s just somewhere during season 1

themes: whump, sickfic

words: 3668

Summary:

Ryan is a Walker and Walkers do not get sick. So when Ryan goes to school with a high fever and his powers in turmoil, what else can happen than something bad?

******

A common cold was not something the Ryan Walker could have. He didn’t get sick. That was his whole thing.

...Apart from the whole “controlling technology with his mind" of course. That was still an important thing.

Oh, and the fact that he was one of the pilots of Mech X4…

Yeah, he actually had a couple of things, but that was beside the point. The point was, he didn’t get sick, so now that his nose was a little runny and his brain was a little slow as he woke up from the infuriatingly loud blaring of his alarm clock, he was fine. It didn’t matter that he swayed a bit as he stood from his bed, or that he didn’t feel like eating his mom’s newest experimental breakfast food. Everything was totally– 

“Hey, you okay Ry-guy?”

“Fine.”

Ryan and Mark were seated at the kitchen table as their mom was preparing the batter for her food truck's famous pancakes. She eyed Ryan with her scanning motherly eyes as her spatula was frozen mid-spin in the bowl. She didn’t look convinced in the slightest.

Ryan quickly grabbed his fork to stuff his mouth with eggs. He looked her in the eyes as he chewed. See? he tried to show his mom, I’m totally fine. 

She sighed and set about mixing her batter again, seemingly content enough that he was at least eating now. He was glad her motherly instincts didn’t mean she could actually read minds. He really didn't want her to know just how hard it was to swallow even the smallest bite. His stomach turned even as he thought about it.

He shuffled his food around on his plate with his fork for a bit, making it seem as if he had touched more of it than just that one bite, and then quickly left the kitchen table. He grabbed his bag just as Mark scraped his plate clean. Show off. 

“Come on, we’re going to be late,” Ryan said, already heading out of the door. He couldn’t actually go to school without Mark, since he was his ride, but acting like he was leaving without him helped with the pressure to get Mark to follow. He wanted this day to be over as quickly as possible. Mark gave a quick goodbye smile to mom and dashed off after Ryan, his own bag sloppily thrown over one shoulder.

“Hey wait up!”

------------------

School was dreaded for a reason, but when you were definitely not sick, it was even worse. The first half of the day went by slow, like really slow, but manageable. Lessons were boring, teachers were not too terrible and the low buzz of the school board, the computers, smartphones and lamps were not too distracting. 

No, if only lessons had been his school day, he would have survived it.

But he hadn’t thought about lunch time. The canteen was filled with chaos and noise. His mind felt like it was being crushed little by little with every yell and every time someone laughed. All the phones of all the students were buzzing and ringing and going off at the same time, or at least it felt like it. Nails tapped on screens and batteries hummed in disharmony. The constant noises pained his ear drums and filled his head with a hundred stabbing needles.

He was so overwhelmed from the sound, he couldn’t help but flinch a little when suddenly a hand patted him on his shoulder.

Spyder appeared before him. “Are you gonna stand in the doorway the whole time?" A mischievous grin spread on his face. "Because I will gladly take your sandwiches if you aren’t up for it you know? Maybe then I can finally build a tower of cheese. Man, I have always wanted to do that.”

Harris punched Spyder in his side. “No one’s taking Ryan’s sandwiches, dude. Now, are we gonna go to our table or what? I want to finish up on my project before the next term starts.”

Ryan softly shook his head to get rid of the slowly creeping nausea and to try and shake away all the sounds, but he wasn’t successful at all. No matter, he could hold on until he could be home and safely in his bed again. Just half a day left.

“Yeah, yeah let’s go, I’m starving.”

The trio sat at their usual table and as always, Spyder and Harris lost themselves in a debate over something incredibly stupid. This time it was about the best kind of sandwich to ever exist. Spyder insisted that his abomination of a sandwich, with salmon, cheese, peanut butter and chocolate spread, topped off with a little bit of mashed potatoes, was the most delicious thing in the world. Meanwhile Harris was sure that combination of flavors shouldn't even be legal.

Ryan sighed as he tuned out the voices of his friends and instead took out his phone. Maybe some dumb video's would help him ignore his throbbing headache for a while. He clicked on one of Cassie's reports on the school's kickbox team. Of course, his brother was the big star of the video, and normally he didn't like watching Mark get so much praise, but he couldn't care less right now. He just had to watch something. Anything to distract himself.

Just as Cassie went over the most recent victory of the team, a loud voice broke through it.

"Hi sweetie, how's your first day?" The voice was loud, but Ryan was sure it came from the other side of the canteen, where a freshman was calling with his mom. Why would he set the call on speaker?

Ryan turned back and ignored it, but soon another sound interrupted his video. The annoying 8-bit soundtrack of a mobile game echoed through his mind, the sound of clashing swords and yelling characters making it even more annoying. What stupid kid let his sound on extra loud when he was gaming during school break? A drop of sweat slid down his temple. Cheering rang in his ears as the kid cleared his level and it hurt. It was loud and awful and his head was swimming and throbbing and pulsing with every beat. 

Ryan shivered in his thick hoodie.

"No dad, you don't have to pick me up," another student said as he was calling from a few tables away.

Ryan huffed and kept staring at his phone, even though the he didn't register anything Cassis said in her video. He still kept trying.

Tap, tap, tap. In the row for the food, someone was texting their friends, every tap with their thumb banging against his skull.

Ryan looked to his left. A teacher was checking his news feed, sirens wailing,  people screaming, shouting - some video about the most recent monster attack. To his right, a girl was filming a video with her friends, laughing, playing music, typing a caption and then laughing again. They were so loud.

More videos, more games, more typing, more voices. Every second it got louder, every second it seemed to penetrate further and further into his mind.

Tap Tap Tap. 

Screaming.

Laughing.

Sirens.

Cheering.

Tap Tap Tap. 

Ryan clutched his phone tighter and shut his eyes, willing for the ever growing buzzing of the lamps and phones and laptops and screens to stop.

It all had to stoppleasestopit'stoomuchtooloudMAKEITSTOP-

The sizzling of something burning made his mind snap out of it. Ryan quickly looked down where his phone lay in his hands, broken and blackened, a small trail of smoke coming from it.

Oops. 

His eyes darted up to look if anyone had seen that - and to his relief no one did - so he quickly hid his phone under the table and let it slide into his bag. He would deal with that later.

Since he had no way of distracting himself anymore, and the sounds around him were now even making his vision grow wobbly as they pounded against his brain, Ryan knew he had to make a run for it. It was not like he had actually wanted to eat school food anyway, so no loss there.

"Hey guys?" He said, his left arm smoothly disappearing under the table. "I think I left my mech-link in the classroom. I'll go get it. See you later okay?"

Before the other two could answer, Ryan stood up and turned around, tucking his left arm in the pocket of his hoodie so they couldn't see his mech-link still nicely around his wrist. Briskly, he walked away, ignoring how his eyes couldn't focus or how he could throw up any second. He was fine.

--------------

Okay, maybe, just maybe, Ryan was not fine. After the small incident with his phone, he had accidentally also fried the teacher's smartwatch during PE when the teacher had blown his whistle right next to Ryan's ear out of nowhere. On top of that, he had also derailed someone's electronic car when he had been waiting on Mark outside of the school and the speakers had blasted the ringing bell right above his head. So you could say he was a little bit jumpy and a lot bit nauseous, and maybe not totally fine, but he would manage. He was Ryan Walker and Walkers didn't get sick.

Whatever. It didn’t matter if he finally admitted to himself that something was wrong, because as soon as school was out, he and Mark had headed straight to Mech X4 when they had gotten a monster alert.

Sick or not, Ryan was the only one who could stop it, so he had to power through. He could do this. Probably. Maybe.

As the gang made their way out of the awful elevator and to their stations, Ryan had to physically swallow down the urge to puke. That elevator hadn't helped in the slightest.

Ryan clicked the belt around his middle and the robot rose from its hiding spot. A rough cough came from him as he tried to move the robot into kneeling position, but he played it off as an awkward cough instead of the start of bile rising in his throat. He had to concentrate or otherwise he'd short-circuit the robot.

However, the miserable attempt didn't go unnoticed. 

"Hey man, you okay?" Spyder asked from behind him.

Ryan nodded, but regretted immediately as his head spun with the sudden motion.

"Yeah, of course, I'm fine," he said and readied his feet to jump. Spyder seemed to want to ask something else, but Ryan cut him off. 

"Mech, Execute!" he yelled and jumped away. Now was not the time to worry about himself. They had people to save.

"The monster just popped up next to the river at the other side of the city, what would it want there?" Harris asked out loud. He was furiously typing and checking the screens as he followed the beast's movements on his maps. "Wait, where is it – oh. Oh no."

Mark bent over the rails to look at the screens. "What? What is it dingus?" 

"The monster! It's heading straight for us! How is it so fast?!"

Ryan's head shot up when he noticed the beast flying straight at them at a rapid speed. "Guys, it's here!"

He barely had enough time to raise his arms in front of his head before the monster crashed right into them, hitting Mech X4 with such devastating force that Ryan was shot into the air, a couple of cables exploding behind him from the rough impact.

"Ryan are you okay?!" Mark yelled.

Ryan swallowed and lifted his head from the cold floor. "Yeah I'm good," he said as he carefully stood up again. The giant monster in front of them was already readying itself for the next attack.

Ryan rolled his shoulders and raised his fists in fighting position. He ignored the cold sweat building on his forehead. "Let's finish this quick. Spyder?"

"One plasma punch coming right up." Spyder slid his chair back from the desk and grabbed a hold of his weapon arm.

"Ready?"

"Ready!"

Ryan and Spyder simultaneously drew back their arms and swung them back as Mech X4 did the same with his glowing fist. The monster had been distracted, working up the power to hit again, but was instead swept off his feet when the fist hit full force. It fell to the ground with a large growl, but was still moving.

"Again!" Ryan yelled, already jumping up again to do it.

"Wait dude, it needs to recharge first, we need to buy some time!" Spyder frantically punched his buttons as he read from the screen. "If we do it now, it will be like a grandma punch!" He stopped mid-punching his buttons as he thought about something. "Wait. Nevermind, my grandma would punch this dude into tomorrow. Okay what about, if we used it right now it would be like if Harris punched it!"

Harris spun in his chair with a "not cool, son," before he got back to his scanning and getting up the shields. Mark and Ryan silently grinned. It was an accurate comparison.

"Okay, Harris, how are we with the shields?"

"Almost done and… now they're up!"

And just in time too, because as soon as Ryan turned back to the large window, he saw the monster getting back to his feet again. It let out a low growl as its wings spread out in warning.

"Get ready, he's coming back!"

The robot stepped back as Ryan raised his fists and braced for the next attack. The monster darted forward, its claws barely missing the chest of the robot as Ryan ducked out of the way. Then, it lifted itself on his back legs and rose into the sky, its wings harshly pushing away the wind. As the gang was too distracted by the strong winds that almost pushed the robot off his feet, they didn't see the tip of the monster's tail, heading straight for the head. It clashed against the shield and bounced back, while in the process it successfully pushed Ryan and the robot out of balance, both failing to the ground with a thud.

Ryan grunted his way through the pain as he got back up. They were almost done with this and then he could hide himself in his blankets for the rest of the day. Almost there, almost done.

The beast lashed out again as it clawed against the shield. It seemed to try to rip it open.

"The shields won't hold this for long! Spyder is the plasma punch ready?"

"Almost…" Spyder tapped impatiently against his desk, his eyes glued to his screen.

"Ryan watch out!" Mark yelled. Ryan lifted his arms in front of his head just as the monster ripped away the shield, the pixels giving way as the energy ran out. The monster flew forward and extended its claws as it headed for the head. Without the shields, all Ryan could do was hold his ground and cover himself, not even finding an opening to strike back.

"Spyder?!"

"Almost…"

The beast struck out with a right hook and got around Ryan's defenses, punching the robot hard against his head. Ryan whipped back from the impact and clutched his jaw. That hurt. His eyes watered and refused to focus anymore. A shiver ran down his spine, even if he himself felt like he was burning from the inside.

"Spyder?!"

"I'll say when it's ready!"

The monster hit again and again, sparks flying around the control center as Ryan bounced around in his harness. He was literally being beaten to a pulp and all his strength failed him. He was too weak. 

He was… not fine at all.

Mark was pacing across the deck, checking his screens and performing quick damage control. "Spyder, we can't take much more!"

Spyder spun in his chair and pulled back his attack handle. "It's ready!"

Immediately, Ryan stumbled to his feet and raised his fists. Please let this be the final attack, he wished desperately. His mind screamed at him to never move again and just give up, but he just had to do one more thing. Just this one thing. He could survive that. Ryan jumped into the air and brought his fist down with so much force that his knuckles burned. The hit landed, the robot's fist piercing straight through the monster's chest as it de-transformed into ooze and splashed to the ground. 

For a moment it was quiet, and then the team of Mech X4 burst out in cheers. They had finished it! Ryan smiled weakly as he sighed. His muscles burned, his vision swum, but they had done it. Finally. He wiped his sweat of his brow and roughly dropped to the floor, his legs giving out from under him. Now on his knees, he unbuckled his belt and let the harness fly up into its storage. When his hand returned from the motion however, something caught his eye. There was red on his hand. His eyes widened. There was blood on his hand. he was bleeding. That monster must have done more damage than he thought.

“Hey guys…” he said, his voice weak and barely audible. No one heard as the rest of the team congratulated each other with their victory. Ryan shivered.

“Guys…” was the final thing he said before he crashed down onto the floor, his vision and mind going blank as he did not even notice how all the lights and screens in the robot flickered and died out with him.

--------------

“...Ryan.”

“Ryan!”

“RYAN!”

Ryan jolted awake and immediately regretted it as he bend over and lost his diner from the day before. Someone patted him on the back as he retched, but his eyes were too blurry with tears to see who it was. Lights flickered around them.

The same hands placed him back down on the bed when he was done, wiping his forehead with a cold towel. Ryan sighed and closed his eyes again, already worn out from keeping his head upright.

“Get well soon…” Someone said and then he fell asleep once more.

---------------

The next time he woke, he didn’t get the urge to puke as soon as he opened his eyes. That was good news at least. A little dazed, he looked around the room. The Medbay. Of course.

“Guys! Guys, he’s awake!” Spyder’s voice yelled from too close next to him. In reflex, Ryan shut his eyes tight and groaned, his head not happy with the loud noise.

Two sets of footsteps entered the Medbay as the door slid open.

“Bro, are you okay?!” Ryan opened his eyes and saw Mark rushing towards him, sitting down next to the bed and placing a warm hand on his shoulder. On the older shoulder came Harris’ hand as his best friend shot a worried look at him.

“You scared us buddy,” he said and slightly squeezed his shoulder.

Ryan smiled weakly as he closed his eyes and sighed. “Sorry about that…”

“Do you wanna tell us what happened?” Harris said, his attention already going to the screens next to the bed to check on Ryan’s vitals.

Ryan slowly opened his eyes. “Guess that monster was stronger than I thought.”

“Nah man, that was like a level 5 monster. It wasn’t even made of the red ooze, just the orange,” Spyder said with a shrug, “You normally beat down level 10 monsters with ease.”

“Where did you come up with this rating system?” Harris asked confused.

“It’s just what the collector’s cards say, I didn’t make it.”

“We have collector's cards?” Mark asked eagerly.

Harris shot them both an incredulous look before he turned his attention back to Ryan with an eye roll. 

“The scanners are picking up a high temperature, on top of signs of dehydration and not enough nutritions to give your body the energy to heal as fast. Ryan, did you eat at all yesterday?”

Ryan averted his eyes to stare at the scanner beside him. “I didn’t.”

Mark furrowed his eyebrows. “Dude, why wouldn’t you eat anything and still go to fight? Are you stupid? You could have die–”

Ryan flinched as Harris stopped Mark with a gesture of his hand. He shook his head at the older one of the Walker brothers.

“Ryan,” he said, his tone far more calm than Mark’s, “why didn’t you just say you were sick? We could’ve found another way to defeat the monster.”

“No we wouldn’t!” Ryan snapped, his eyes widening as soon as the words left his mouth. he hadn't meant to say it in that tone. He sighed. “Look, just, we all know that we need the robot to defeat the monsters and that we can do nothing with the robot without my powers. I had to fight. It was the only option. And honestly?” Ryan slowly pushed himself in sitting position with his arms. “I was fine doing it. Just got a nasty wound, that’s all.”

Harris shook his head. “This wasn’t just a nasty wound Ryan. On top of your fever, you have several bruised ribs and a large wound to your head. You’re lucky it was mostly superficial or it could have done serious damage to your brain.”

Mark nodded and patted Ryan’s head while Ryan weakly tried to push him off. “You hear that Dingus? No more fighting when you have a fever alright?”

Ryan successfully swatted away Mark’s hand. “Yeah, yeah.”

“You have to promise.”

“I promise Mark, I promise.” Ryan smiled softly and looked at his team. “Thank you though.”

“For what?” Spyder asked.

“For caring about me like this,” Ryan said and lay back down. He was tired. “I really don’t know what I could’ve done without any of you guys…” His voice got quieter as his eyelids closed, but before he fell asleep he still heard the “awww’s” around him. Yeah, he would definitely get teased about this later. 

For now though, he meant it. 

He loved his team.

#mech x4 #ryan walker #mark walker #harris harris jr #spyder #whump #fan fiction #sick fic #happy ending #angst #fluff #best friends #season 1 #a digital fever

[ohnoyoonoh]

2042 | chp. one: rk127-jh | dbh!jaehyun | reader-insert | words

[ warnings ] mention of minor character death. sexual reference. strong language

[ author's notes ] unedited. shitty first chapter, but it'll get better i promise!

entering the main part of the office, you had seen the gathering in front of the white board. placing the bag and beverages onto your desk, you made your way to your co-workers, taking your place at the front but not smack in the middle. the chattering of the other detectives and officers was cut short as hansol and other superiors made his way in the front.

"morning, everyone," he greeted everyone, most of the officers mumbled out a morning or stayed silent. "i apologize for making the briefing earlier than usual, my supervisors and mech industries' pr team had wanted to start the new investigation as soon as possible. well, give the information soon. so, our main investigation aside from the blue ice, is androids that have gone deviant. our first location is in gangnam. college kids, christopher bang, seo changbin, and han jisung, bang and seo are presumed to be dead, han is currently in the hospital."

your heart raced, hearing the name jisung. you couldn't bare to think of your brother slaughtered by an android. gulping, you continued to listen to the information.

"the deviant is nowhere to be found. the head on this case will be [name] park," hansol said, eyes of your co-workers laying on you. you gave them a small smile and nod.

"as you know mech industries has been here for the last couple of months, they would like to utilize their prototype on this investigation," hansol continued, your eyebrows furrowed. you had hoped you didn't have to work with an android, is this the catch that hansol mentioned during dinner. he had turned to the male next to him, "everyone, this is jung jaehyun. he's a prototype. part of the rk-127 unit, that you have heard about it."

what the. you had thought that he was just a superior you had never seen. you were still new to the department. you should have guessed as you looked at his uniform. it wasn't as obvious as other android clothing, but he did have the android decal on his collar. you overheard your co-workers praise his facial features, you weren't going to lie that man, well male android, was well designed. the engineers and designers must have had long hours in their offices and labs to build an android like him. as a engineering fanatic, androids were built with such precision. it was unreal, but you still had a sour taste about them.

"hello, my name is jaehyun," the android had introduced itself with a ninety-degree bow, "i look forward to working with you all." it had displayed a full smile to everyone, its dimples sticking out. you wondered how on earth did mech industries get down to the miniscule details, such as dimples and pores.

"and i look forward to having you in my bed," your co-worker chaerin whispered to her friends, snickering and giggling as they conjured fantasies in their group. you were sure jaehyun had a good field of hearing, which you were correct as it gave the friend group a smirk.

"he will be detective [name] park's right hand, so he'll be one of the heads in this investigation. please give him a warm welcome, don't mind him too much. you all will be given more information through your portals. the briefing is over, any questions or concerns, drop it in my emails," hansol said, dismissing everyone. as the rest of the team had walked away to their own business, your feet felt like they been stuck into the ground. you didn't know how to respond to everything that just happened. you were happy with being a head on an investigation, displeased to be partnered with an android, but also paranoid about your brother.

you fished your phone out of your pocket, fingers moving quickly to contact your brother. as the dial rang, thanking that the call went through as the ringtone he chose played, "please pick up."

"hello?" his voice was heard, letting out a deep breath that you had kept in.

"hey, jisung. how'd your performances go?" you asked, relief going through your body.

"pretty well, just helping mom out in the supermarket. is everything okay? you seem distraught, or is my sixth sense kicking in?" he questioned.

"yeah, everything's fine. i'll tell you everything later. but can you tell mom to get me some kimchi? she keeps telling me that she would, but you know how she is," you kicked you feet at the ground. he responded that he would, exchanged love you's before hanging up. shoving your phone back into your pocket, you had grabbed the paper bag and drinks from your desk and walked to hansol's office.

entering, you noticed that he was dozing off with his chin in the palm of his hand. his dominant hand held a pen, showing that he was either signing off paperwork or writing in his journal. quietly placing the bag of his order on his desk with the bottle of coffee was enough for him to wake up, "oh, you're here. you're not mad?"

"mad for what?" you questioned, you knew he was referring to the matter that you were paired with an android. hansol was aware of your distaste of the robotic models. but if you knew you argued with him about it, you might be demoted off of the investigation.

"your right hand in this case is jaehyun, who is an android. and as your best friend, i am very much aware of your mild distaste for these robots," hansol grabbed the paper bag, seeing the parchment paper-wrapped goodies. he placed the ones that you ordered in front of you before endulging in the croissant.

"oh, i'm a little sour about it. but i know if i complain, i would lose this investigation as head and i'm not a big fan of waiting for a chance like this," you had taken a seat in the chair, leaning back against the chair.

"you know i wouldn't have given you this case, but you're the only one i can depend on with jaehyun. if i put anyone else, nothing would get done. some things would, but it wouldn't progress. you saw how everyone looked at him, i don't think i need this android turning deviant," he taken a sip at the coffee and then, he threw away the trash with the crumbs. into its right compartments.

"yeah, thanks," before you could even continue with what you would say. the door had open, revealing the one android you had been talking about. jaehyun stepped into hansol's office, seeing you both, it had given a bow.

"i apologize for interrupting, captain ji, but i was given instructions to meet my partner, [name] park," it said. despite having a smooth voice, you couldn't help but notice that it still had the tinge of a robot talking. obviously, it was a robot, but the robotic monotone had some cast into its rich voice.

seeing that it was talking about you, you adjusted your position in your seat. a little bit more upright and proper. hansol gave the android a small smile, "well, i assume you have picked up that this is your partner." he pointed towards you, which he gestured you to stand up and greet jaehyun.

giving hansol a minor side eye, you hesitantly stood up and stepped forward to greet the android, you bowed, offering your hand, greeting him. jaehyun had done the same, clasping your right hand with his before standing up right again.

"you both will start your investigation right now, afterwards, please fill in your reports and then, come back to me. i forwarded more information to ms. park" hansol instructed. you knew he only had given some instructions, because he knew that you wouldn't be able to do much. your thoughts would consume your entire-being. he also knew you that you were work-driven, so it was easier for you to communicate under work-related things.

"yes, sir. shall we head to the crime investigation, detective park?" jaehyun turned towards you. you eyed him, hansol clearing his throat, indicating that you needed to answer the android.

"uh, yeah. sure, let's go," you responded to jaehyun. allowing him to go first and grab the car, which it offered to do. before leaving, you shot hansol one last look which he smiled to.

#jung jaehyun #jaehyun #nct jaehyun #jaehyun fanfic #cznnet #@ ohnoyoonoh 2042

[memecatwings]

Tagged by @robots-and-rawhide

1. NAME: Em

2. NICKNAMES: literally just call me anything i don’t care 

3. ZODIAC SIGN: Libra sun, Leo moon, Bastard (Aries) rising

4. HEIGHT: 5′3 5′4 ish

5. LANGUAGES SPOKEN: Just English i’ve taken Spanish classes and a little has stuck but not enough for me to say i speak it

6. NATIONALITY: American

7. FAVORITE SEASON: Summer

8. FAVORITE FLOWER: I don’t really have a favorite flower i don’t know anything about flowers

9. FAVORITE SCENT: i like scents that are earthy

10. FAVORITE COLOR: blue 

11. FAVORITE ANIMAL: cats!! 

12. FAVORITE FICTIONAL CHARACTER: hard question but Delilah Bard from the Shades of Magic trilogy by Victoria Schwab i honestly CANNOT get over the absolute BDE of Lila killing a pirate and then TAKING HIS JOB by being like  “you killed my best thief” “no, i am your best thief” and then that scene being followed up with the confirmation of my greatest joy; “Some things never changed, and [Lila’d] rather be a man. Even if that means a dead one” we stan a gender-nonconforming character whose arc doesn’t revolve around them “discovering” that their nonconformity had been a product of them being “insecure” you can pry canon trans masc Lila from my cold dead hands anyways ask me about my thoughts on Lila’s character arc and where it’s gonna go in the next trilogy because i have Thoughts

13. COFFEE, TEA, OR HOT CHOCOLATE: coffee

14. AVERAGE SLEEP HOURS: i usually sleep from between 1am and 9am but on weekends i can sleep in until 1pm

15. DOG OR CAT PERSON: im a cat person but i still like dogs except i like big dogs medium dogs are on thin ice small dogs can,,, idk stop biting my feet

16. NUMBER OF BLANKETS SLEEP WITH: 2 but i have approx. 9 pillows 

17. DREAM TRIP: i’d love to squander a small inheritance by touring Europe tbh

18. BLOG ESTABLISHED: 2013 like,,, a week after the fabled mishapocolypse 

19. FOLLOWERS: 1038!! i just got a bunch of new ones because of my posts about tma and the mechs, hello!!

RANDOM FACT: despite all of my bullshit on here i am actually very quiet irl. i dont really speak to a lot of people because im awkward in social situations and recently i’ve learned that, while in high school everyone assumed i was shy, now i come off as very cool and stoic and that apparently makes people want to be friends with me. Unfortunately, that illusion is shattered the moment i open my mouth and say that i have to go to the atm at Wells Fargo rather than Wells Fargo atm at the gas station which is closer because the gas station one is for cars and i need to go to the people atm

im not gonna tag anyone because i rarely do these anyways 

#look its rare personal posting hours #im procrastinating homework

[endthisfool]

Dirge Eater

Summary: Getting his claws on one of Brainstorm's untested inventions leads to Whirl being flung into an universe that isn't quite ready for someone like him. Back in Jasper, Nevada Team Prime is faced with the task of reeling in the wayward whirlybird, but it won't be pleasant ride for anyone.

Chapter 1: Death Bringer

An iridescent tear eats at a storm ridden sky, bleeding the taste of a distant universe like an infection. Out it spits a being of that unknown, chaotic and ruthless. He doesn’t belong here. As if knowing that, the sky seems to rumble its distaste of the rapidly descending figure. Far below, a young boy by the name of Rafael Esquivel sits idly on the front steps of his school building. He’s content to wait outside for his friends, despite the swirling clouds above. However, a storm isn’t the only thing brewing over head, and it certainly isn’t the most worrisome. An odd sound reaches Raf’s ears. He looks about himself, furrowing his brows at the relatively empty area. It’s not empty for long. There’s a wicked crack of concrete as something huge lands in an impact that lances through the ground, sending debris and dust flying outward from its epicenter. Cars wail their distress, joined by a smattering of shocked shouts. Raf’s up on his feet and down the rest of the steps before he can even process what he’s running toward. Due to his short stride, by the time he gets there there’s already a growing crowd of students, teachers, and passerby’s alike. They peter about uncertainly, low mummers of confusion drifting between them. Raf finds himself having to push past a woman taking pictures to get a closer look. The crater cuts a deep hole into the concrete, thin trails of black smoke whisking up from the crumpled heap of metal within. A sluggish flow of fluorescent pink liquid seeps from the mass. The scent of ozone lies thick in the air. His knees feel weak, a thrill races up his spine, and the hairs on the back of his neck stand at attention. The gangly mess of strange parts and twisted blue metal, rises up from its grave with a horrific spat of clattering. In turn the previously gawking crowd scatters haphazardly, screaming all the while. The source of their fear moves like an old windup toy missing a few gears. Jittering and loud. No longer an unidentifiable pile of scrap, the thing reveals itself to be some sort of mech. All thin plating and abnormal-near insect like limbs- it appears nothing like the Cybertronian’s on Earth. ‘Nothing like the autobots at least, this has to be a decepticon.’ Worse, it had no face, just a telescopic-esq head and a single burning gold optic. It brings up an eerie recollection of the xenomorphs from Alien. Certainly not a pleasant comparison. The creature gives a small shake, then a full body shudder, its dented blue plating flaring wildly. It topples over. Its huge pair of pincers dig rivets into the concrete, and the air fills with that terrifying clattering once more. There comes the realization that it’s cackling. Rafael backpedals, which is apparently the wrong thing to do because suddenly that big yellow optic is trained directly on him. He freezes, blood running cold in face of that spotlight-like gaze. His throat constricts, gulping audibly around the fear lodged there. Automatically the boy raises his hands-empty palms outward hovering over his chest-in a placating gesture. The mech lurches forward, pistons screeching, and brings up one claw to point straight between his eyes. “ Ha! You look like Rung’s holomatter avatar had a baby with a gremlin.” Its optic contorts into a squint from what can only be unaltered glee, at the bewildered expression on the boy’s face. “Don’t take it personally, lotta you organics have that-“ There’s a vague gesture that spans the entirety of Raf’s person. “-nasty little flesh-bag look going on.” Raf’s mouth opens and closes, but he can’t seem to find any words. His awareness that he- and the entire human race- was just insulted only dimly registers considering the razor sharp claws only inches from his face. “No argument there, huh?” Those claws open and snap shut, clacking together, akin to a crab. Upon the resulting flinch from the human, they retreat back to supporting the mech’s frame. It regards him with a slightly more wary glint to its optic. “...Did I break you, Squishy? I told you not to take it personally, jeez.” The mech heaves itself upward once more, balancing precariously on its thin legs. Distantly Raf notes the school doors opening as people rush past him to safety. “ Fun chat , but I’m gonna go.” It scratches idly at the jutting plating serving as its chest, dislodging some dirt there. In the process it uncovers a much too familiar emblem beneath the grime. Rafael blinks rapidly at the sight of it, shock blooming through his fear in some sort of messy tandem, giving way to conflict. “W-wait! You- you’re a,” Suddenly the blue mech crouches low as if readying to spring, giving Raf a clear view of the twin gun barrels under its chest. At that the blurted words die before they can become a coherent sentence. “I’m a what?” It challenges with the hum of its weapons. Danger evident in its tense frame. Raf squeaks, tripping onto his rear in his haste to put space between himself and those barrels. There’s a chuffing sound above, and it seems the mech is now laughing at his misfortune. He can’t find it in himself to be embarrassed, much too relieved to be free of the mech’s ire. However, despite the mood change the bot doesn’t relax from its crouch. The blades above its claws spin lazily, and it shutters its gold optic a few times. The sound of police sirens wail in the distance, apparently someone had half a mind to call the authorities on the giant robot. Not that that would do any good. “This was a real riveting experience, really, good times with my old pal, Squishy-Four-Eyes,” Mock sincerity coats the words in a growing dirge. Its blades- no rotors begin to spin faster. “Sadly, I’ve got more important things to do, which would be literally anything else. So I’m gonna go do those things.” The mech uncoils from its crouch with enough force to launch itself upward into the air. Its frame contorts, folding mid-air to transform into something strikingly similar to an Earth helicopter. There’s a disconcerting whine to its engine, as if it’s protesting its injuries. Then it’s gone. Veering up and away without a speck of hesitation. Raf remains seated on the ground, even as frantic footsteps sound behind him. His friend Jack Darby nearly tumbles to the ground himself when he skids to a halt beside his younger friend. Their mutual friend Miko Nakadai, however, does trip, and plows straight into Jack. They land in a sprawled heap, but Raf pays them no heed. The older boy attempts to draw his attention with a cry of: “What was that!?” Mystified Rafael stares at the rapidly vanishing helicopter in the sky. “I think...it was an autobot.” A hand snatching his glasses off his face knocks him out of his stupor. “Hey-“ “Hello? Are these working, Raf? That dude is flying, only ‘cons fly.” Miko points upward with the stolen glasses a bit more forcefully than needed. Miffed she hadn’t gotten to take a picture of the weird mech. “Autobots: roll out! That’s not rolling, that’s, like, the opposite of rolling. Bam. ‘Con. End of story.” “No I-,” He struggles to reach his glasses from the taller girl, and she relents returning them with a snort. “I saw it, he had an autobot symbol on.” Jack squints at him, sharing an incredulous glance with Miko. “Are you sure, Raf? That guy didn’t really seem like autobot material.” “Yeah, besides the whole flying thing, none of the autobots have big claws like that.” She mimics the mech’s claws snapping with her hands. Raf averts his gaze, gnawing at his lip. He doesn’t point out the fact that he had been mere feet away from the bot, whereas they had only managed to catch a glimpse of him from inside the school. He saw it, bright red on the mech’s cockpit, he’d recognize it anywhere. Nevertheless, he shrugs slightly, shaken up and adverse to continuing an argument with his friends. Miko seems to notice his dejection and gives him a pat on the back that’s only kinda condescending.

------ So maybe ‘borrowing’ a few of Brainstorm’s inventions hadn’t been his best idea. Then again maybe Brainstorm shouldn’t make his experiments look like guns, because of course Whirl would be obligated to shoot them. He couldn’t just, not shoot them. Not shooting guns went against his morals. And well, maybe if he hadn’t been shooting at random in an enclosed area he wouldn’t have accidentally shot himself. But that’s enough maybes for now. Result is he doesn’t know where he is, and he managed to get smashed up while landing. Nothing too out of the ordinary. Though usually he’d be getting yelled at by now. Strangely enough his comm hasn’t said a peep since he woke up. In a crater. Surrounded by squealing organics. That was pretty weird. Whirl’s HUD blinks red, damage reports rolling across his vision groggily. Urgent: primary energon line severed. Stabilizing gyros functioning at 65%. Spinal strut fractured. GPS System Offline. Energon levels lo- He dismisses the alerts easily, they were no use to him, the level of first aid he was capable of performing with his claws was quite limited. His auto-repair would have to pick up the slack. Even so, leaking to death on a foreign planet wasn’t really the blaze of glory type ending he was looking for. So he needs to clamp off that energon line before he offlines. Simple enough for a pair of pincers. The landscape beneath him blends into an endless stream of indistinguishable shapes and colors. At this point he was fairly far from that organic settlement. The scenery below was now writhe with greenery. Proximity sensors ping a sudden alert. Whirl banks to the left, something bright whizzing past him into the clouds. He slows his flight, enough to detect the frames on the ground aiming at him. Outnumbered, he halts, hovering in place. They’re all dark colored mechs, near identical beyond a few variations. Behind them, similar looking mechs mill about the wide entrance of a mine. When they notice him they take hold of their carts, and retreat into the mine. A few return, training their weapons on him as well. Staring him down uncertainly one guard begins to shout. “Land a-and don’t move! Servos in the air!” The mech’s voice trembles slightly. He doesn’t give much thought to it. They shot first. Allowing his rotors to still in place, he drops out of the air like a dead seeker. Yelps of surprise and several attempts to shoot him follow. A blast glances off his chassis, but if the goal was to slow him down it does nothing. Whirl crashes down onto the mech that had spoken, transforming into his root mode during the impact. His frame is lightweight, but his momentum is more than enough to crumple the mech into the ground. The ‘copter’s HUD informs him of the consequences of using himself as a battering ram. As if the singeing pain didn’t make it obvious enough. He revels in it, all of it. The ruined frame under him shudders and sparks. Dark plating leaks blue over his claws in spurts while he works his grip onto weak neck cabling. The mech sputters feebly. A grotesque gurgling comes from his opponent, spinal strut following his helm free from his frame. Whirl straightens, towering over the graying mech. He holds the mech’s decapitated helm aloft between his claws, gleefully observing the fear take hold in the surrounding mechs. “I did what he asked, didn’t I?” He nails the nearest guard with the offlined mech’s helm, and they go down like a brick. Claws back in the air he gives them a wiggle to emphasize their position. “See? I can follow orders.” They don’t respond. Verbally at least, the sound of their blasters charging up is enough of an answer in itself. Whirl concedes, “OK, so three out of two isn’t bad, I mean, I had to move to get my servos in the air didn’t I?” They let their blasters do the talking once again, opening fire upon the autobot. He lets his own weapons join the conversation. Whirl heaves his offline opponent up to shield his taller frame, twin guns mowing down a row of mechs in front of him. They fall one after another, as if they weren’t built to last in a fight. ‘Kinda pathetic.’ Blaster fire licking at his chassis draws his attention to an unfortunate mech who tries to backpedal. The ‘copter forgoes his guns, bodily throwing himself at the shorter mech. He butts his helm against the other’s visor, shattering it, and carelessly damaging his own optic in the process. It doesn’t affect his pace. He latches on the dazed mech’s shoulders, and gives them a sharp tug. The intention was to tear his arms off, however his opponent ends up completely bisected lengthways. Whirl’s golden optic shutters in a surprised blink. Blue liquid soaks his cockpit, dribbling into his seams, mixing with the pink energon he leaked. The pincers holding the two halves of the other mech clench involuntarily. Something about this wasn’t quite right. His momentary pause gives the other mechs an opportunity to attack. Something in his leg gives way, the damaged armor there failing to protect it. The autobot turns on his attackers, confusion forgotten. “Is everyone on this dust bowl planet huge afts? Quit shooting me while I’m trying to think!”

------------- “ Prime! ” Disgruntled would perhaps be too weak a word to describe Agent Fowler’s demeanor right now. He’s furious, pacing up and down the walk way, his hands balled into fists. The addressed autobot regards him calmly, a slight frown on his handsome faceplate. His medic at the base’s computer terminal quirks an eyebrow ridge at the infuriated human. Leading Optimus to silently will the other to not say anything that would fuel the Agent’s bad mood. Thankfully Ratchet just snorts, resuming his work. Relieved the taller ‘bot patiently waits for the man to voice his complaints. It takes several more moments of huffing and puffing. Then Fowler finally halts his pacing, coming to stand in front of Optimus, his hands gripping at the railing. His glare is met with the autobot leader’s slightly confused, perhaps even concerned optics. For whatever reason this deepens the human’s scowl. “You wanna tell me what one of your guys was doing prancing around a school in broad daylight!?” That garners Ratchet’s attention, and this time the medic turns from his terminal fully, crossing his arms over his chassis. Optimus sighs quietly through his vents. “Agent Fowler, I understand you are displeased with our presence here on Earth, however you have met all the autobot’s stationed on this planet.” Fowler glares harder, Prime presses on before the human could interrupt. “No one was patrolling in town today, in fact Bumblebee, Arcee, and Bulkhead have only left recently to pick up their charges.” “Oh yeah? Then how do you explain the huge robotic blue bozo my men have been working to scrub off the World Wide Web?” He jabs a finger at Optimus’ frowning faceplate. “Do you know how many phones we’ve had to confiscate? This is a huge mess, Prime! And I’m holding you accountable.” Optimus opens his mouth to respond, but the sound of his comm crackling to life in his audial has him ignoring Fowler. The man sputters indignantly when the autobot holds up a servo to silence him. Over the comm Bee’s clicks and whirls sound off an excited babble. :: Raf says he met a new autobot at his school! :: Arcee’s voice joins the call, :: Jack and Miko both say he didn’t.:: Optimus considers the conflicting information, and gives the order to his soldiers to return to base with their charges promptly. Fowler stares at him expectantly. “It would appear that the children have some information on our unknown mech.” “That’s it? That’s all you have to say? There’s a dangerous mech out there who clearly didn’t get the robots in disguise memo!” Fowler bashes a fist against the railing, rattling it. “You can’t just let this guy go wandering through towns willy-nilly!” “Agent Fowler, I assure you once we take stock of the situation we won’t allow this mech to continue roaming in this manner.” Whether or not this mech was an autobot or not would really be the deciding factor in that. Neither a Decepticon or a Neutral would be all too willing to take orders from him. “Until then we will provide assistance in covering up this incident.” Fowler seethes. The screech of tires alerts the base’s occupants of the arrival of the remaining autobots. The young scout tears into the room, flashing his headlights. His charge can be heard laughing through the open windows. Arcee rolls up next, Bulkhead close behind. “Optimus!” Rafael peeks out Bee’s window, a faltering smile on his face. He glances toward his friends who’ve already crossed the base floor toward the couch. “I uh-“ Bumblebee beeps encouragingly at his nervous charge, the boy responds with another weak smile, and exits the scout. Rafael describes what he encountered at his school. The injured blue mech he found in the crater. His crass personality, and strange appearance. The autobots tense when the boy mentions the mech’s lack of servos, lack of a face . The tank churning signs of an empurata victim. “...then I think he called me ugly, or really just organics in general-“ Ratchet snorts. “-he got up to leave, and that’s when I saw the autobot symbol on his chest.” “Then he flew away!” Miko pipes up from the couch, Jack bobbing his head in a nod. Optimus doesn’t acknowledge the interruption, opting to lower himself closer to eye-level with Rafael. “Can you describe his alt mode for us?” Raf relaxes, clearly having been expecting some sort of dismissal. “It looked like some sort of helicopter...with a pair of big guns under its cockpit.” “I see,” There’s an uncomfortable niggling at the back of his processor. He raises to optics to address his team. “Do any of you recognize a mech of that description?” They each shake their helms, Raf’s expression falls, dismayed. Miko rolls her eyes. “Told you it wasn’t an autobot, autobots don’t fly.” Ratchet spares her a look, “There are fliers in the autobots, the aerialbots for one, it’s just not common.” Rafael perks up, nearing the medic. “You think this mech could be one of the aerialbots?” His big hopeful eyes has the gruff medic averting his gaze with a shrug. “If he is, I’ve never heard of him.”

---------

A few more dents mar his frame, and a few more errors crowd his HUD. At some point his rotors began smoking, but they’d stop soon enough. Sticky blue energon covers his plating like a second coat of paint. Limping into another chamber of the mine Whirl subspaces another cube of that weird blue energon. Not what he was looking for. A quiet clank of metal far too soft to be his own, has him squinting in an imitation of a smile. “Peek-a-boo!” Pincers snap shut over his advisory’s leg, wrenching the mech from its hiding place, and onto the floor. It immediately begins begging, which was funny the first dozen times, but now Whirl’s over it. “Please, don’t kill me! I jus-just work the mines! I don’t-I dont-“ “I don’t care.” To emphasize his point the ‘copter lashes out with his claws, impaling the mech through its neck, and successfully destroying its vocoder. The mech writhes, grasping at the claw pinning it to the ground. “Ya know, I didn’t even realize you guys were ‘cons until I had already deactivated most of you.” That single golden optic burns uncaring holes into the helpless mech at his pedes. It’s void of any sort of empathy, just watching the other with the same level of detachment as a human regarding an ant. “I think Eyebrows would say that’s concerning .” A sharp kick drives his pede into the miner’s abdominal plating. The mech curls inward on itself in silent pain. “He’d also ask me how I feel, or some slag like that. What about you, how are you feeling?” Whirl peers down at the miner, standing his other pede on top the other’s helm. He leans his weight into it, humming as the mech’s faceplate began to split. “Speechless huh? That good? You’re a weirdo.” “No judgement here, I’m not gonna tattle to anyone about what gets you revved,” Perhaps he presses too hard, because he finds his pede touching the floor, having gone straight through the mech’s helm. The crushed pieces of the miner’s brain module fizz against his pede forlornly. “Whoops. Guess you’re taking your kinks to the grave.” He yanks both his claws and his pede from the greying frame, losing his balance in the process. Whirl’s back hits the far wall with a painful crack. The blue mech allows himself to slide down to the floor as if strutless. His damage report begins to ping at him again, he dismisses it as usual, retrieving one of the blue energon cubes from his subspace. He eyes it thoughtfully with his single optic, turning it around in the mine’s dim lighting as if the angle would change it somehow. “You think this’ll give me some weird organic disease?” The cooling corpse remains considerably quiet. “Yeah, me too.” Whirl clinks the cube against the miner’s chassis then empties the entire cube into his intake. He doesn’t taste it, he hasn’t been able to taste anything in a long time. Nevertheless, he makes the sound of smacking lips he doesn’t have, along with a hum, as if contemplating the flavor. ‘Grinning’ down at the mech he nudges the cold frame with one of his sharp elbows. “Better than the sludge Swerve serves.” He laughs enough for both of them.

#whirl #transformers #maccadam #mtmte #tfp #transformers fanfics #fanfiction #transformers prime #crossover #my fics #Dirge Eater #other chapters are on my a03 #ratchet #optimus #bumblebee #thought i might as well post the first chapter on here while Im working on chapter 4 #long post

[moonraccoon-exe]

Hello Coon. I hope you’ve been well. I had the most amusing thought, and wanted to share: Do you remember that ATLA episode where they went to watch a play about themselves? In an AU where no one dies or gets thrown off of trains or goes blind... Imagine that in the context of chocobros + Luna, Ravus, Aranea on their way to Zegnautus. - 💚, Amontillado

Dear Amontillado.

This idea alone made me transcend to the ninth heaven. It made my soul detach from my body and ascend to the heavens, it touched the Nirvana, and came back to my body purified and amplified.

This. Goddamn. Genius. Idea.

*SLAMS HANDS ON DESK*

I had to write this. This is one of my most recent asks, but it’s just so genuinely brilliant and gloriously genius, I have this mighty necessity to write it right now aklsjdfklsgj aklsdjsklgj akljalskd ja.

The best part of this is that the main four and Ravus fit SO WELL with some of the ATLA characters, I could write parts of that episode as the script literally goes and it would fit accurately and nicely!!! Hahahahahhaha!!! I hope you’ll find the similarities! ｡ﾟ(TヮT)ﾟ｡

Anyway, a few things to note here for things to make sense,

I picture Ignis did go blind at some point but later recovered. Let’s say we’re following some sort of Verse 2 from episode Ignis but with Lunafreya not dying, lmao.

I’ve made Cor be present too like he should have always been.

Regis and Clarus too because I don’t have the heart to kill them.

Because it’s Verse 2, Ravus has been in the party from before rescuing Ignis (who…let’s suppose they rescued somewhere else prior to Zegnautus. For some…reason.)

Luna’s coming along with them, too.

If at some point you’re reading something and think “is that an Aggretsuko reference?” know that yes. It is.

I goddamn shoved some almost-established Gladnis in here because fuck me, I can’t contain myself, they’re just so genuinely canon askljddkgjdaa

Alright.

Now everybody welcome to,

Final Fantasy XV, Episode 17, “The Gralea Players”.

A.K.A. a parody of ATLA’s famous already-parody episode “The Ember Island Players” adapted to our FFXV dorks plus some extra guests.

Enjoy!!

Everything starts at one of Ravus’ personal places in Gralea that he used to hide away or train. He’s training with Noct, trying to teach him how to defend himself against his lightning arm. Everyone is bored or watching or scattered across the little house.

At some point, Prompto comes in running, and as everyone’s greeting him, someone appears after him.

“Aranea?”

“Hey, dorks.”

Long story short, Prommy stumbled upon Aranea while he was out grocery shopping.

“And she has epic news! Tell them, Nea!”

Turns out Aranea found out that the local theatre prepared and will present a play about Noctis’ journey.

“Hah? Me? But we’re in the empire, why would they make a play about me?”

“Nooooooooct! We have to go! They did research across the globe to write the script, and it involves MTs, hunters, mechs, dogs, and a very knowledgeable merchant of Cup Noodles. Say yes, please, please!!”

No one is pretty convinced. They’re in enemy territory and it would be suicide to throw themselves there where people could recognize them.

But Noctis can’t say no to Prompto’s huge puppy eyes.

So in the end everyone ends up going to this play, “The King of Light.”

At least the title isn’t bad or mocking, but they still try to not get their hopes up. Knowing the Nifs, they may have done something offensive, so they’re mentally prepared for that and just curious.

Later that night, everyone of our team goes to the local Nif theatre, and the show starts.

They enter and get seats on the back as to go as unnoticed as possible.

On the front row, Noctis sits, then Prompto next to him, then Ignis.

As Gladio tries to sit next to him, Ravus unknowingly takes that seat.

“…hey. Uhm. I…wanted to sit there.”

Ravus: “(absolutely oblivious, this DORK) Just sit next to me. What’s the big deal?”

“…no, it’s not- I just wanted…okay.”

The curtain raises to show a representation of the throne room of the Citadel, where we can see the actors of king Regis on his throne, and the four chocobros.

“And so, may you part with my blessing to meet your bewedded, Lady Lunafreya.”

“Yes, your Majesty.”

So far so good. Actor Regis gives his speech and bids goodbye to the four young men.

As soon as Actor-Regis is done, Prompto grabs Noctis by the shoulder and shakes him, grinning from ear to ear and pointing at the actors, then himself and Noctis, then back at the actors, in clear excitement.

Noctis can’t help but smile as well, thinking it kind of cool to see an act about themselves.

And then going “downstairs”, actor Prompto clumsily trips and falls over in a comical way.

The audience laughs.

“What?” Prompto whispers. “That never happened!”

“Haha! My fault! I can be a little dumb!” actor Prompto talks with a slightly annoying voice. “Nocto! Help me up?”

“You, useless thing” actor Noctis says while helping him up. “You’re completely useless and not worthy of being in presence of royalty, but I take you along in this journey to fulfill my journey anyway because you’re funny.”

“The only thing I want to fill is my mouth! I’m hungry!”

The audience laughs again, but Noct and Prompto are petrified in their seats. Noctis turns to look at Prompto worriedly. Prompto later on just pouts and sink in his seat, crossing the arms.

“They make me look like an idiotic failed attempt of a joker! I’m better than that.”

Ravus is chuckling under his breath.

“I think he’s got you pegged.”

Prompto swears Ravus is lucky Ignis is sat in between them.

The actors are displayed walking away of the Citadel, where actor Regis catches up with them.

“Oh my god, he’s going to say the thing I told you, Noctis” Regis is whispering in the row behind.

So far, they depict the scene pretty accurately.

“Omg he’s going to say it.”

Then, actor Regis puts a hand on actor Noctis’ shoulder.

“Oh my god, here it comes”

And actor Regis says,

“Don’t fail, my son.”

“What?”

The gang has to turn around to shush Regis because they’re supposed to not call the attention.

Regis is shrinking and cringing in his seat containing all his screaming.

The scenes go on but the gang can’t hear anything but Regis’ whispered complaints.

“I didn’t say that! I didn’t say that! Oh my god, there is a HUGE difference between Walk Tall and Don’t Fail, the context and intention are entirely different, I didn’t tell him to not fail, that implies so much pressure and it’s not support, it’s an order, I just asked him to be brave and to keep the head up, it’s entirely different from Don’t Fail. Don’t fail. He said don’t fail,what sort of awful father is he oh my god.”

They depict Actor Prompto to have ruined the Regalia by spilling soda all over the wheel in an exaggerated comical motion.

“Fantastic, Prompto! Couldn’t you just shove it in your mouth instead of throwing it all over our electronic modern car?” actor Gladio asks in a SUPER AGGRESSIVE and super deep voice.

“I’m sorry! But I guess now you can call this, Fast Food!”

There’s a drum roll and the audience laughs. Prompto just shrinks more in his seat hiding it in his hands and groaning.

The actors are trying to push the cardboard car.

“WHAT ARE YOU LAZY ASSES DOING, KEEP PUSHING, KEEP PUSHING UNTIL YOUR FEET BLEED AND YOUR MUSCLES CRY OUT IN PAIN!” actor Gladio is screeching everything he says. “FLEX. FLEX THOSE MUSCLES. TODAY IS LEG DAY. GET UP AND KEEP PUSHING! FLEX! PROTEIN! GYM!”

Gladio stares unimpressed.

“I certainly don’t yell like that all the time.”

Ravus is chuckling louder than before, almost near a proper laugh.

“That actor’s got you right, Gladiolus. Stop complaining.”

Gladio just growls.

“NOCTIS. WHERE IS YOUR SPIRIT? FLEX! PROTEIN! KEEP PUSHING!”

Actor Noctis is on the ground.

“I’ll do it later, Big Guy. I’m sleeping.”

“Hey, not true” Noctis complains. “I didn’t sleep. I rested a bit, but didn’t sleep.”

“HEY IGNIS. TELL HIM TO GET UP.”

“Your most estimated superior Highness, Noctis Lucis Caelum, son of Regis, son of Mors, 114th of the name of the Lucis, prince of the kingdom of Lucis, heir to the throne” actor Ignis is saying in an overly exaggerated Tenebraean accent and exaggeratedly pompous. “I shall request, with all due respect, you get up from the place you’re attempting to sleep in and do lend a hand to us commoners, for we don’t have the strength to go on without you. My prince. My liege. My protected. My dear brother and friend.”

Ignis stares unimpressed and sort of embarrassed.

“…I certainly am not that pompous or formal. Even less with my friends.”

Ravus is chuckling again.

We see the guys through Hammerhead and Galdin Quay, through the news of the Fall of Insomnia and back to the place from where they see the destruction, etcetera; overall, Prompto is depicted as a damsel in distress, a klutz that’s always giving bad jokes and tripping over, Gladio is a giant brainless gym dude that keeps yelling, Ignis is an overly formal android, and Noctis is always asleep (even mid-battles, and usually being carried around by Ignis).

They go to meet Cor.

Actor Cor is poker-faced. The entire time. He responds mechanically and in monosyllables. When he joins the fight, he moves like a robot.

The actors go to search for the first royal weapon.

Actor Prompto keeps telling jokes and Actor Gladio keeps bullying him.

Actor Cor only reacts when obligatory.

“They make it look like I’m more dead than a corpse” Cor says. No one in the gang says anything.

…only Regis chuckles a bit after a second and this earns him a glare of embarrassment from Cor.

Inside the dungeon, actor Prompto fainted out of fear.

“Hey, I’m not that scaredy!”

Ravus is still chuckling.

When they depict Noctis getting the first royal arm, the paper prop stabs him in the chest; actor Noctis exaggeratedly shrieks out and collapses.

“Oh no! Is he dead?”

“No. He just likes to nap at 1 o’clock.”

The audience laughs, and our gang is entirely unimpressed.

“…you know, it does hurt a bit when that happens. They shouldn’t joke with that”

Actor Monica leads Actor Noct to the infiltration to open the gates with Cor.

Oh no. They remember this part! The part with the tiny annoying brat of an imperial officer. That very short guy that didn’t shut up.

Oh no. Here he comes. One annoying and tiny…

“Well, wELL! IF IT’S ISN’T COR THE IMMORTAL!”

And suddenly, on stage, appears Actor Loqi….

…he’s a GIANT BOULDER OF A MAN.

LIKE, SO BIG AND SO STRONG. GIANT BUILT-UP ARMS AND BACK AND MUSCLES. THE MAN IS ALL BEEF AND STRENGTH.

“So you survived the Citadel! But you won’t survive what I, Loqi the Great Tummelt, have in store for you!”

“Wait a minute. Wasn’t that guy like…shorter and skinnier than me?” Prompto asks.

Cor is laughing.

He’s having so much fun staring at the scene, holy fuck, you should see him laugh and cover his eyes and mouth while watching this.

The actor chocobros are suffering at the hands of actor Loqi, whose cardboard mech keeps smashing them and tossing them around.

“Get away!” actor Cor is yelling. “This is too dangerous for you! Only I, Cor Leonis, the Immortal, Lucian Marshal, am capable of defeating him! This is a fight that belongs to us and only us! My eternal enemy! My personal opponent! My arch-nemesis! Loqi the Great Tummelt!”

Cor is still laughing so much.

“Who the fuck is that, oh my god, I don’t remember him, who spread the rumor that he was my arch-nemesis, wasn’t he like an inch tall, ahahaha!”

Skip to the travel to Lestallum.

Actress Iris phones actor Noctis.

“Oh, my celestial prince! My hero. My beloved Noctis. I am delighted and my heart is so full of hope and light now that I hear your dear voice and I know you’re alright and alive more than only in my heart. I wait for you, my dear heroic prince, in Lestallum. I shall wait for you however long it takes; the wait will be worth, so long it’s about you, my darling.”

“Wow, that actress is making it look like Iris likes me like, like-likes me, haha.”

The whole gang either stares at Noct in disbelief or just sigh because holy fuck, Iris could smack him in the face with a brick that says “I HAVE A CRUSH ON YOU” and Noctis still wouldn’t notice, this oblivious absolute DORK.

“I know the potential future princess of Lucis and only sister and dear family of Gladio just called to tell us she survived after many days with no notice of her or anyone…but what about instead of going to meet her we go to see the chocobo ranch?”

Lunafreya chuckles.

“Oh my. They really are depicting you guys as idiotic, stupid, childish immature dorks, you would never do such a thing like changing Iris and all your dear ones to go see chocobos first.”

The main four stay quiet and all try to not share any glance and they all go “uh…yeah, haha, that is…definitely right, we-didn’t do that, this- this play is so silly…”

…but Ravus chuckles again.

Ravus knows.

These dorks really did that, lmao.

There’s more about hunts and going into the dungeon in the waterfall cave and etc. Prompto keeps fainting and shrieking and making awful jokes, Gladio keeps yelling and flexing and stopping at random spots to do push-ups, Ignis keeps doing everything almost as if coreographed and on perfect timing, and Noctis keeps sleeping at random times.

There’s no actor Ardyn; no one but the bros have idea that he’s been the one helping. In the play he’s just the “Mysterious redhair hat guy”.

Redhair guy guides them to Cauthess Disc.

Actor Prompto made the tomb collapse, actor Gladio kept destroying boulders with bare hands and carrying an asleep Noctis through it, and actor Ignis just for some reason kept saying “Indubitably” at everything he heard.

For the Titan fight, they used puppets to depict the bros and the MTs and a person disguised in a Titan Kigurumi. This person ended up stumbling and falling midways through it.

They lost the Regalia and everything was fine and accurate to the story until the actor chocobros stOLE A CAR BECAUSE “THEY CAN’T GO ON THEIR FEET SORRY”.

Regis asked Noctis at least twenty times in the next 10 minutes “you really didn’t do that, right? Did you guys really steal a car? Hey Noct, I believe in you but you can tell me in all trust, okay, no worries if you did steal that car. Did you steal a car? Omg Noctis.”

They went to get Ramuh’s blessing.

In the cave, actor Prompto was kidnapped by a giant Naga, and actor Noctis had to rescue him.

Actor Gladio kept throwing giant prop boulders at the Naga and screaming “PROTEIN” while actor Ignis kept balleting around it for some reason.

“…do you ballet, Ignis?”

Ignis’ silence had been enough of an answer, but after a moment of blushing and embarrassment and staring elsewhere he just went with “…I think it’s recreative and helped greatly with developing my flexibility and my muscle weight and strength.”

“So that’s a yes.”

“Yes. What’s wrong with that?”

“Nothing. I just can’t imagine you in a leotard.”

“And you won’t imagine it, pretty boy, so stop trying.”

That’s Gladio getting a bit jealous over there. He doesn’t want Jerkvus to imagine his Iggy in his precious purple leotard, THAT’S A SIGHT HE’S NOT WORTHY OF >:’(

Actor Noctis saved actor Prompto and carried him in arms bridal style.

“Oh! My hero! I knew you would save me

“Don’t worry, Prompto. Not only did I take you along despite knowing you’re useless because you’re funny, I also took you along because I think you’re cute.”

“O-oh…Noctis-sama…(⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄)”

“…oh my god they’re making it lo-  no homo, bro, you know that? I mean not that I’d mind but like- no? You know?”

“…yeh.”

They try to infiltrate an imperial base to recover the Regalia, BUT, of COURSE the ALMIGHTY EMPIRE has NO FLAWS and no one can infiltrate there!

THE CHOCOBROS ENDED UP SMASHED AND SHOOED AWAY, LONG LIVE THE EMPIIIIIREEEE!!

The play depicted that the chocobros HAD to use brute force and force a traitor imperial to be able to make it inside.

“Pscht. We did it on our OWN, come on >:(“

Ravus is chuckling.

“Hey, Ravus? Why are you smiling?”

“This is my favorite part.”

No one really knew what he was talking about; what was fun about the guys fighting overpowered imperials and recovering the car?

The actor chocobros recover the car. While talking in there, actor Prompto turns around.

Actor Prompto SHRIEKS OUT IN HYSTERICAL FEAR and then faints.

Actor Ignis has to take him away to protect him. Actor Noctis wakes up.

And so, Actor Ravus comes on in on stage!!!

“…oH MY GOD NO” it’s Gladio finally understanding why Ravus was chuckling and waiting for this. Ravus just laughs darkly again in his seat, satisfied with the Shield’s distress.

He doesn’t even mind that the actor is wearing the SUPER FAKE prosthetic on the wrong arm.

“It has been a very long while, Chosen One. Noctis.”

“Indeed it has, Ravus, Not Chosen.”

Gladio SNORTS and fights a lot with containing a hysterical laugh.

Damn he knows that’s Ravus MOST SORE and fragile spot, so he knows they hit him where it hurts most.

Ravus just frowns and his eyebrow twitches.

Actor Ravus gives a SUPER OMINOUS speech about Noctis not understanding his duty and being unworthy of it. Like SO OMINOUS, it’s worse than Gentiana levels of unintelligibly pompous.

Actor Noctis does complain about him serving the army that’s against Lunafreya.

“I do not serve! I command!”

Actor Ravus SLAPPED THE FUCK OUT OF ACTOR NOCTIS.

Like, no throat grabbing and jerking, HE FUCKING. SLAPPED HIM. LIKE DEAD ON THE FACE.

“Hey, that didn’t happen! That looks more humiliating than what really did happen!”

Ravus is chuckling again.

Actor Gladio gets in the way.

“HEY! NO SLAPPING! YOU SLAP THE TINY DORK, YOU SLAP ME FIRST. IT’S THE AMICITIA WAY! IT’S THE AMICITIA DUTY!” he’s yelling as he’s unnecessarily flexing. “YOU FIGHT HIM ONLY AFTER YOU FIGHT ME!” and then he unnecessarily rips his shirt apart and tosses the pieces to the sides and gets ready to fight.

Clarus chuckles in the row behind them.

“That’s my son.”

“! :D YEH!”

Actor Ravus gets close to him.

“The Shield of the prince. A useless, fragile shield that protects the unworthy and the weaker.”

And, said that, actor Ravus…flicks his forehead.

Actor Ravus. He flicked actor Gladio’s forehead. Flicked it.

And at the touch actor Gladio SHRIEKS OUT AND IS SENT FLYING BACKWARDS AND INTO THE CAR AND PAST IT AND INTO LOTS OF PROPS AND PAST THEM AND INTO THE WALL WHICH HE DESTROYS AND THE WALL COLLAPSES ON HIM, IT’S NUTS.

“…what the FUCK HE BARELY TOUCHED HIM! That’s not- that’s not what happened! Iggy! Iggy, you saw that, right? You know what really happened and it’s nothing similar to this, right!?”

Ignis hesitates.

“…uhm-”

“D: IGNIS!?”

“No! I’m sorry! No, I didn’t mean- what I mean is, it definitely wasn’t like that. You’re right.”

“…yeah…I know…:(“

Ravus snorts and properly laughs under his breath this time.

He has manners enough to contain himself and not burst laughing, but he laughs so much and contains it so much he even has to wipe away some tears of laughter.

“Ah. My favorite part. What a delight. How I wish we could replay that.”

Gladio’s really moody and upset right now, please don’t touch him.

The chocobros have to infiltrate another base, and of course they require of more dirty tricks and brute force to make their way inside.

They follow actor Caligo.

Speaking of which, it’s a young handsome man in his 30’s with Senpai face and a long, silky mane of black hair, giant blue eyes, and a gorgeous voice.

Aranea is cringing in her seat.

Caligo almost defeated them too, by the way. He was IN NO WAY captured or knocked out, he’s an imperial officer, of COURSE he won! The chocobros only won because they summoned a god and everyone knows that’s cheating and doesn’t count.

Actress Aranea comes in!

“FOR THE GLORY OF THE EMPIRE, YOU SHALL FALL!”

“What!? Who said that!?”

Actress Aranea comes into the scene….

F L Y I N G

Actress Aranea is tied to one of those ropes to fly and SHE GOES INTO THE SCENE FLYING, THEN SHE FLIES ABOVE THE PUBLIC, THEN BACK, AND SHE KEEPS ATTACKING WHILE RANDOMLY FLYING INTO THE AIR.

Aranea bursts out laughing.

“Ahahahahahah!! I mean, I do jump very high, but that girl is FLYING! Ahahahahah!!”

Aranea is having a LOT of fun.

Mostly because actress Aranea is SLAYING THE FUCK OUT OF THE CHOCOBROS.

Actress Aranea is super skinny and wearing a pair of fake boobs, but Aranea thinks it’s cool.

And by fake boobs I mean. They’re giant. Giganormous. Anime tiddies.

“Why are my boobs so big?”

“I mean, they wrote the script based on what they heard or what people would tell them, so I guess that’s how people described you.”

“Wow, from all the things people had to look at, they remember me for giant boobs?”

“Aw :( I’m so sorry, Aranea. Women shouldn’t be sexualized like thi-”

“Because damn they’re right, I have to admit my boobs are quite nice! You ever touched them, pretty boy?”

“WhA- NO! WHY WOUL- ARANEA MY DAD IS HERE, NO.”

“Hey, mister dad? Your son touched them.”

“Oh. Really?”

“Yeah, and he’s also seen them in flesh and-”

“ARANEA NO WHAT HAVE I EVER DONE TO YOU WHY ARE YOU RUINING MY LIFE LIKE THIS.”

Aranea didn’t talk much because she’s entertained watching the play and actress Aranea fly around like a real dragon slaying the boys.

She’s also flirting with both actors Prompto and Ignis all along the fight.

Actor chocobros end up defeated and knocked out on the ground on a pile.

Actress Aranea stands on top of them, with her heel on actor Noctis’ face.

“I would END YOU RIGHT NOW. But you know what, I won’t.”

“Why?”

“Just because. See you later, guys!”

“…is that really how it happened? You could have ended them and didn’t and then you just. Joined them? Just like that?”

“Of course not! I had an interesting arc and character development, if you must know!”

“…so did you really just leave and then joined them for no reason?”

“…yeah.”

The actor chocobros are taking Iris to Caem.

Actress Iris is a VERY tall and SUPER INCREDIBLY HUNK young lady that keeps flexing and screaming PROTEIN along Gladio, and fist-pumping with him while yelling “AMICITIA! AMICITIA! AMICITIA!” like brute gorillas.

Clarus finds it a cute sight and is proud.

“Wow, look at the actress playing Iris!”

“I’m sure that’s a man.”

“Wow, look at the actor playing Iris! He makes her look all beefy and super strong and super scary!”

There’s a long silence.

“Most accurate thing so far.”

Everyone agrees.

Actor Gladio informs he will momentarily leave the party.

“I HAVE BEEN DISGRACED BY THAT DEFEAT IN THE HANDS OF THE ALMIGHTY RAVUS. I AM UNWORTHY OF BELONGING IN THIS RETINUE AND I MUST GO AWAY TO PUNISH MYSELF WHILE AT THE SAME TIME FINDING SOME GROWTH AND SOMETHING TO PUNCH. I HAVE TO GO AWAY TO SPEND A WHILE AT THE GYM BEFORE COMING BACK. DO YOU FEEL ME, BRO? CAN I LEAVE YOU IN THE MIDDLE OF MY LITERAL DUTY TO GO DO PERSONAL STUFF NOW?”

“….ZzZz…Oh? Ah. Yeh. Whatever. Just let me sleep.”

Actor chocobros except actor Gladio get to the ruins in the Vesperpool and they meet actress Aranea again.

“Hey guys! I know I kicked your asses last time but I think I changed my mind, mind if I join you?”

“WHAAAAAAAAAAAAT!?! AFTER ALL YOU’VE PUT ME THROUGH, YOU EXPECT US TO LET YOU IN JUST LIKE THAT?! JUUUUUUUST LIKEEEEEEEEE THAAAAAAAT!?!?!?”

“Yes.”

“.___.     Fine.”

“FINE!?”

“Hey, she’s very persuasive.”

(High five to myself for that disney reference *highfive*)

Episode Gladio…. Hasjdjaklf

Actor Gladio spends his time away in the gym and flexing and eating carbs before he goes into a cave to face the Evil Darklord.

(Nobody knows about Gilgamesh, okay, the writers had to make something up).

Cor accompanied him.

“HEY COR. THANK YOU FOR JOINING IN THIS WITH ME.”

“You’re welcome. I’m happy to help in your self-discovery journey, what about we talk about myself?”

“That wasn’t like that.”

Gladio stays quiet and frowning and analyzing it for a bit before he turns.

“…but it was like that, we talked about just you.”

“But that’s because you asked!”

“That’s because you offered it!”

“Wha- no! Why would I talk about myself just like that? You started!”

Basically episode Gladio goes about Cor and Gladio being work-out buddies.

Actor Cor rarely shows any reaction even when he’s being hit in the face.

“Wow…they make it look like I never smile or something…”

Gladio stayed quiet again analyzing everything.

“…but you really didn’t smile.”

Cor didn’t answer.

The actor chocobros go to Altissia, and we get a skip to Lunafreya who receives the news.

“My beloved prince Noctis is coming?” everything is fine. And then- “OH!” then dramatically sobs. “That is…wonderful news! His presence means light. His presence means a savior. His presence…” she sobs and sniffs again, and then she throws herself to her knees, hands to the sky. “His presence…means HOPE! SO MUCH HOPE! Hope for the world!” she sobs louder and throws herself onto the chair. “HOPE FOR EVERYONE!” she lets herself to the floor. “Forgive me if I’m getting too emotional but…this touches my heart and fills it WITH SO MUCH HOPE!”

And so actress Lunafreya burst out into hysterical hyper dramatic tears.

Actor Ravus talks with Actress Lunafreya.

“Lunafr-”

Actress Lunafreya bursts into hysterical tears.

“I can’t go on, brother! The hope! It’s dying and I can’t revive it! I’ve tried for so long to keep it alive, but it’s too much for me anymore! I’m not strong enough! Oh, the hope! You have to carry on with my duty for me, brother; let Noctis know that I love him and that I…I have HOPE IN HIM”

Actress Luna continued crying.

Luna chuckles a bit, but also hides a little behind a hand out of embarrassment.

“Sure I’m not that dramatic…”

Nobody answered.

Skip to the summit with Camelia.

Actress Camelia is far overweight and wearing far too much make-up, almost like a clown.

“You are aware, mister prince Noctis, that Accordo has been under the orders of the empire and loyally serving it for over a hundred years.”

“Yes.”

“As servants to the empire, we’re supposed to do as they tell us; Niflheim does but look for the good of the people. Waking Leviathan will cost the lives of half Accordo and bring destruction to the world.”

“Yes.”

“Let’s DO IT.”

Noctis is groaning in his seat while actress Camelia goes about some fake speech of how she’s betraying “the good guys” for money and etc.

“If only it had really been that easy…”

Skip to Noctis chasing after Leviathan. The imperials are depicted as the good guys that try to stop the destruction by killing Leviathan, and Noctis somehow ends up riding her and laughing like a maniac while guiding Leviathan into destroying half Accordo.

It’s beautiful and bizzarre.

Skip to episode Ignis.

Ignis is ballet-ing his way through Altissia.

He actually looks pretty badass with those pirouettes slaying MTs as he goes, look at that fine young gentleman.

Soon enough he’s joined by Ravus.

“I will destroy you, Ignis Scientia!”

Actor Caligo appears.

“I think your hair is weird!” he says to Ravus.

Actor Ravus looks at Ignis again.

“Never mind that, now I’ll join you, Ignis Scientia!”

Both kill Caligo.

Noctis: “What the fuck was that.”

Ravus: “That didn’t happen.”

Actor Ignis and Ravus slay some MTs before they stop and the atmosphere suddenly gets warm and in dim reddish lights like in a damn burdel.

Suddenly, both get a bit too close to each other.

“Oh, Ravus. I had never seen you from this close before” actor Ignis touches his lips and looks up at him. “I think you’re very attractive.”

Gladio, from his seat, flinches and goes “What?”

Actor Ravus gets some steps away.

“What? We can’t do this. We’re on enemy teams. My heart proudly belongs to the empire” (Ravus ‘pscht’s from his seat) “and rumors have it you’re already dating the Shield of the prince!”

“Gladiolus?” actor Ignis asks, and then he chuckles with some sarcasm. “Oh, Ravus. Don’t be ridiculous. I love him like a brother and just that!”

Gladio was frowning; now his expression just softens in some sort of insecurity, and he’s very attentive on the play.

“So then…you’re single?” actor Ravus asks him, and then he goes back to break the distance between them, and he hugs him with an arm, pulling him close to himself. “Ignis. The man with the beautiful eyes. I will now betray the empire and will swear loyalty to the king of Lucis and help him in his journey…for you.”

“Oh, Ravus…”

“Ignis…”

Both actors proceed to embrace each other and then they kiss.

And they go on.

And on and on.

Actor Ravus may have grabbed actor Ignis by the butt.

The play may have implied that these two slept together during the events of Altissia.

Ravus and Ignis are staring eye-widened and in shock, then they subtly look at each other, then finding the other staring, both look away in absolute embarrassment and burning red in the faces.

Gladio’s really, really upset.

The worst part is that he feels insecure, not jealous, which I think is worse.

Actor Ravus betrayed actor Ignis again and that’s how Ignis ended up kidnapped in imperial hands; then actor Ravus betrays the empire again and joins the actor chocobros to go rescue Ignis.

“I betrayed just ONCE and it was for good. They make it look like I don’t have a position in this and just betray every time things go bad for my team.”

The actor chocobros get the help of actress Aranea to go into Nif territory.

Actor chocobros end up in Gralea to rescue Ignis, who they find dead.

Apparently, Ignis died as result of wearing the ring, when trying to open the gates of the city for the chocobros.

“No! Ignis!”

Actor chocobros + actor Ravus cry for him, until actor Noct uses his magic ring.

“In the name of the moon! Healing magical power of the kings! Hi-yah!”

“…that’s not how you use the ring.”

Prompto laughs.

“They make you sound like a magical girl, dude.”

While using the ring, actor Noctis asked actor Gladio to hold Ignis for a moment.

When actor Ignis comes back alive, actor Gladio yells out

“IGNIS! YOU LIVE! OH, MY DEAR BROTHER! I WAS WORRIED FOR YOU…LIKE A GOOD BROTHER WOULD BE.”

Gladio just “Pscht”s.

Actor Gladio is pushed aside by actor Ravus, who holds Ignis in an over-dramatic over-romantic way.

“Oh, Ignis…light of my new life, star of my new skies, love of my new life…you live…”

“Ravus. I fought to stay alive…for you.”

“Oh, Ignis!”

“Ravus!”

“Ignis!”

These two incoherently start making-out again in front of everyone as the actor chocobros cheer for them or throw petals on them.

This finishes with Gladio’s patience.

Gladio gets up from his seat and leaves; Prommy asks him if he can bring some gummies when he comes back.

Skip to Lunafreya staying behind somewhere “safe” instead of coming along in the journey like a damsel in distress, she cries because she’s back home in Tenebrae and that gives her so much hope.

She’s questioned about Noctis and if she doesn’t want to stop the rituals despite this wearing her out.

We get a flashback of actress Luna in Tenebrae.

Actor Ravus approaches her.

“Lun-”

“OH RAVUS!” actress Luna is hysterically crying again.

Actress Luna went on in a rant about hope and light, crying all the time. Actor Ravus stayed still and frozen like a statue, frowning.

“Just get over that boy, Lunafreya. You’re way prettier than he deserves.”

“…he didn’t say that, Noc-”

“Yes, I did. In other words, but yes I did.”

Savage, Ravus.

“He’s never going to be worthy!”

“After you were proven unworthy, you say that about everyone!”

“SHUT UP, LUNAFREYA!”

“Why are you yelling at me!?”

Ravus sighs in his seat.

“They make it look like I’m totally stiff and humorless, except from the times I’m with Ignis.”

Ignis chuckles. “Actually, I think that actor’s pretty spot on.”

Ravus: “How can you say that!?”

Actress Lunafreya: “I think Noctis is cute.”

Actor Ravus: “HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT!?”

Ignis just laughs.

There’s an intermission where the guys mop and complain about the things that aren’t accurate. Aranea is the only one happy with her character. Noctis tries comforting Prompto about him not being useless, Regis talks with Noctis about sleeping during important fights, etc.

“Have you guys seen Gladio?” Ignis asks after a while.

“He went for snacks ten minutes ago and I’m still waiting, bro!”

Ignis decides to go look for him.

Ravus is moping and Aranea goes see what’s wrong.

“What’s with the long face, tough boy? Not enjoying your character?”

“It’s easy for you to not be upset about this. You get a flying badass super strong heroine, but to me this is just a reminder of all the things I did wrong. From wearing the ring to having joined the empire, and things like failing to protect Ignis in Altissia…which they didn’t only rub in my face again, but also manipulated to make it seem like it was because of me that he got captured. It’s telling me how many mistakes I’ve done in my life and how it’s going nowhere. That I should have believed in Noctis since the beginning.”

“Hm. You sound pathetic, Ravus. You know, I don’t think there’s a time to be correct. It took me years before I left the empire, too, and I don’t mop for what I did in the past. I just try to get my present right for once. You should be doing the same. Besides, your sister is watching. I thought you wanted to make her proud; sitting here and mopping won’t get it. You get up and fight for the good causes now. Okay?”

Ravus smiles at her and thanks her, even when he doesn’t really like being lectured.

A random little kid that was chasing after his friend back into the theatre stops and looks at him. Like really looks; stays a while in there just staring.

“Oooh…your Ravus costume is SUPER COOL! But the fake arm goes on the other side!”

Ravus just blinks in disbelief at the child.

While the kid runs away, Aranea stops Ravus before Ravus gets to grab him by the skull, eyebrow twitching and face entirely unimpressed and soul screaming.

While the guys talk, Ignis finds Gladio at a balcony, grumpy and down in the dumps.

“Hey, Gladio? Is anything the matter?”

“This play is stupid. Everything about it is stupid and I don’t like it. Let’s just go back and get out of here.”

“Calm down, Gladio. I know it’s silly and far unrealistic, but it’s not so that you take it this personally.”

“Gods, I’m just- so angry right now…”

Ignis is quiet and doesn’t know very well what to say. More than angry, Gladio looks plain sad. Ignis tries standing next to him to at least let him know he’s there.

“Did you really mean that, Ignis?”

“What? If you could be a bit more specific…”

“Back in the play. You said- that you love me as just a brother. And I…”

“…Gladio? What do you mean?”

“Never mind. Forget it.”

Ignis stays quiet again and they say nothing for a long while. After the long pause, Gladio clearly tries saying something but seems to not know how, but after some attempts he puts the head slightly down and just lets it out.

“…did you really- kiss Ravus? Back in Altissia, I mean…”

“What?” Ignis is taken completely off-guard. But he laughs a bit. “Of course not. The writers just…took me to make me the romantic arc of the story, with the first person they saw, and built an over-dramatic romance.”

“Right, but why didn’t they take anyone else, then? Why Ravus?”

“I know you’re not exactly friends with him, but it’s not so you overreact, Gladio-”

“I just mean it was me who held you in arms after Noctis healed you! Not him! And it was me who carried you outside and looked after you until today…not him…”

“…Gladio-”

“And it was…I just…thought there was maybe something going on between us. But it’s not, is it? You see me as the actor says, as just a brother. Right?”

“…Gladio, it’s just a play. I think…we could talk about us sometime else, okay? When you’re feeling better…if- you wish.”

Gladio is still down in the dumps, and can’t help it, but he knows Ignis is right about discussing this later, so he just nods.

Gladio does think about leaning in to steal a kiss from him, but he really doesn’t want to ruin it, or make a move that may upset or offend Ignis, so he resists.

Secretly, Ignis thought about holding his hand, maybe even dare to reach and kiss him, knowing it’s going to make Gladdy feel better, because yes, Ignis understands his feelings and they’re reciprocate, but he also really wants the moment of confession to be special, so he doesn’t dare make a move.

These two idiots hngh…just- kiss already AAAAHHHHH

Both head back to the play.

This time, Ignis makes sure to let Gladio sit in the seat next to Ravus, so Ignis is sat only next to Gladio.

Ignis also makes sure to throw hints at him by leaning against him and softly resting a hand on his arm across the rest of the play.

It does help Gladdy to feel better. :’3

The story follows the guys making their way through Gralea.

Ignis back then was healed but not fully and hence still blind, and the play didn’t miss that out.

Actor Ignis is going around SLAYING MTs and being a badass.

“Wow, Ignis, we thought you were blind?”

Actor Prommy is waving a hand in front of his eyes.

Actor Ignis is all smirk and then he goes.“I can see you doing that. I can still see, I see everything you see, except I don’t see like you do. I release a sonic wave from my mouth. Like this.”

Actor Ignis turned to look at the others and SCREAMED VERY  LOUDLY.

Like, SO LOUDLY. It’s a shriek. It’s a screech.

Actor Ignis is screaming so loudly, the chocobros, in the LAST row, all flinched and covered their eyes.

Everyone is staring at actor Ignis in absolute terror.

Actor Ignis is still yelling.

After like a whole minute he shuts up.

“There. I got a pretty nice look at you.”

Skip to Nox Fleuret sblings meeting again.

“Lu-”

“I KNOW WHAT MY DUTY IS!!! I KNOW WHAT IT’S DOING TO ME!!! STOP BEING SO CRUEL TO ME, BROTHER!!! YOU’RE SPOILING THE HOPE! THE HOPE!!”

Actress Lunafreya went into a long rant and speech about the hope and lost love for the next ten minutes and then bursts into hysterical tears..

Actor Ravus has been still the whole time staring poker-faced.

Actor Ravus, after the heartfelt, emotional speech, turns over his heels and leaves entirely unimpressed.

“Wow, they make it look like Ravus doesn’t care about you, Luna.”

“….yeah. It…definitely didn’t happen like that….”

Ravus is too scared to look at Lunafreya right now.

….he may….or may not….really have walked away unimpressed leaving her speaking alone….

The play doesn’t offer much other than what Cor is supposed to be doing and the guys making their way through Gralea.

“Well, we’ve reached the present. Guess that’s it.”

“Wait! There’s more!”

The gang is actually pretty curious about seeing what the play theorizes will happen in a future.

The scenography shows some creepy place.

“It’s in Zegnautus! There’s the imperial keep where the throne chamber is” Aranea informs the chocobros in a whisper.

Suddenly…ACTOR ARDYN COMES IN.

The chocobros all DAMN FREAK OUT AT HIS MENTION LIKE ZOMG THE MAN THAT’S MADE THEIR LIVES IMPOSSIBLE, they’re triggered even if they know it’s just an actor.

Actor Iedolas sits at the throne.

“My emperor!” actor Ardyn says as he bows before the emperor. “The Lucian prince and his friends have finally arrived here, in Zegnautus keep.”

“You’ve done well, Chancellor Izunia. They’re falling right in our hands, and on free will.”

“You were wise at advising we opened the doors for them. Our security is impeccable and they wouldn’t have been able to infiltrate or attack on their own.”

“You are not questioning me like that traitor of Nox Fleuret always did with my commands.”

“That’s because I have no doubts that you know what you’re doing and that you’ll be able to receive our guests as is deserved.”

Actor Prompto died at the hands of a random MT.

Prompto is pale and pretending he’s fine but you can see his soul abandoning his body in anxiety.

Actor Gladio died at the hands of Ravus because Gladio got angry at Noctis and tried to murder him and Ravus tried to save the day.

Actor Ignis died protecting Noctis from a valiant attack by the Chancellor.

Ravus couldn’t handle the loss and killed himself hugged to Ignis.

Noctis took the sword from Ravus and chased after the Chancellor alone.

Noctis arrives to the throne room.

“Emperor Iedolas! My sworn enemy!” Noctis says valiantly while swinging his sword in cool movements and pointing at the emperor. “I demand you give me back the Crystal that is by right mine! Give me back my source of power, you, greedy old man!”

“Greed? You think that what I want is the power that radiates from the Crystal?” the emperor asks him. “You, fool! I’m trying to save the world and the righteous people that live in it! You Lucians have kept the Crystal selfishly for yourselves all this time, not sharing it with anyone. We did steal it, I admit, but it’s for a greater cause! It’s for a bright and peaceful future!”

“Lies! I won’t listen to you! I don’t care about the future of the world, I only care about the future of my kingdom! Give it back!”

“You shall take it from my dead hands only.”

“So, I shall do!”

Suddenly, actor Noctis and actor Iedolas get into a frantic and pretty cool battle.

Someone in backstage is using mirrors and led lights to recreate Noctis’ armiger.

Actor Noctis is also tied by the waist to make some of his warps and big jumps.

“Fire spell! Hi, yah!”

The props are pretty decent, making a smoke bomb explode, or throwing random “snowflakes” when he uses blizzaga, etc.

Actor Noctis jumps around, armiger activated, the royal arms flying around, and Iedolas somehow manages to dodge and move away, and sometimes he counterattacks, it’s a frantic and pretty epic battle.

They reach a point where Actor Noctis stops on a side of the stage and Iedolas in the other. A prop of the Crystal “floats” in the back and in the middle.

Actor Noctis goes

“Oh, powerful Crystal that chose the Lucis two thousand years ago! Crystal that chooses the righteous and the fair, the good and the powerful, I claim your aid and ask you to finish this unworthy traitor of the gods!”

Noctis moves up in his seat, interested, and smiling all full of innocence and hope.

The “Crystal” suddenly starts gleaming.

Prompto shakes Noctis by the shoulders, as excited, and both boys watch happily.

The “Crystal” suddenly envelopes actor Noctis in its light.

The chocobros are all smiles and happiness while watching the moment, and then-

“Wh-what is happening…!? No….nooooo!!!”

Actor Noctis suddenly IS CONSUMED BY BLUE FIRE.

The light that previously surrounded him turns to blue papers that tornado around him, consuming him.

“AAAAAGHHHH!!! IT BURNS! IT BURNS! What is happening!? Why is the Crystal not giving me its power!? Why is it BURNING ME!?”

Suddenly, the previous lights go to cover and circle around actor Iedolas, who spreads the arms and looks up as if in divine realization.

While actor Noctis burns, actor Iedolas goes to give a speech.

“The Crystal…it has given me its approval!! I have been chosen as worthy!”

Actor Iedolas turns to look at actor Noctis and throws the arms of armiger at him, while actor Noctis still “burns”.

“The Lucis may have been worthy two thousand years ago…but not anymore! Their time has ended, their kingdom has fallen! They let their ego grow too much believing themselves superior only for being the safekeepers of the Crystal…but not anymore! The times change, and so does the choice of the gods, and this time, we have been chosen! We, Niflheim, are the new and righteous chosen of the Crystal, new warriors and safekeepers of it, we have been given the power that belongs to us, the superior race! And as the first emperor of the Crystal era, I have been chosen to eradicate the past, and finish the traitors of the gods, the Lucis Caelum! Your line ends here!”

“Nnnnnnnoooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!”

There’s a whole show of lights and FIRE that comes out of nowhere and the endless armiger and dramatic music.

Actor Noctis ends up consumed and dead. The actor subtly-but-failed crawled out of the stage while actor Iedolas took the spotlight again and cheered for Niflheim.

Suddenly, the WHOLE audience goes HYSTERICAL and they break into loud clapping and cheering.

It’s a MESS of noise and “Yes!” and whistling, it’s chaos of joy in the theatre.

Except in the section where the good guys sit.

They’re all frozen and stare eye-widened at the stage.

Then, everyone simultaneously and in dead silence turns to look at Noctis.

Noctis is sat there, arms-crossed as he last was, eye wide, and face pale, and he’s whole frozen.

They spent like that like a whole minute before Noctis realizes he’s been observed.

“…I….hadn’t thought of that possibility….”

Long story short, our gang ends up exiting and leaving for their current hideout, all trying to make of this a not big deal.

“Eh, it’s not even a good script.”

“Yeah, it’s full of holes.”

“I didn’t even like it that much anyway.”

“You’re right. Absolutely pointless.”

And they never watched that play again.

*music*

*ending screen*

*credits roll*

#ffxv parody #ffxv #chocobros #noctis #gladnis #avatar parody #PFFFFFFFFF FFFFFFFFF FFFFFFFTTTTTTTTTTTT #AHAHAHA HAHAHHAHA HAAHAH AHAHAH AHAHAHAHAHAHA AH AAHAH AHAHA!!!! #*BURSTS OUT IN HYSTERICAL LAUGHTER* #THIS PRECIOUS GEM OF A PROMPT RIGHT HERE HOLY FUCKING GODS THIS WAS /GENIUS/ #AHAHHAHA AHAHAH AHAHAHAHAHAH #AAAAAAAWWWWW MAAAN #I LOVED WRITING THIS SO MUCH #I feel it could have been better or funnier but alas i hurried ;n; #bUT YEH THIS WAS EXCELLENT AND EXQUISITE AND A DELIGHT TO MAKE THANK YOU #coonwrites #coonanswers #coonheadcanons #yay gladnis! #did ya see how i shoved in there my precious glavnis ot3? #also either subtle ravnea or friendship ravus/aranea #uGH. THIS WAS A DELIGHT #i watched that episode again not long ago #when i said a cousin was visiting? Yeh that night we watched it! c: #anyways i think i forget something important #but that happens always whatever i'll remember at 3 in the morning #please love me <3

[epickendall]

Possible 10 chapter 11

"That's the biggest robot I've ever seen," said Ron gawking at the size of the mech

"It's also one of the aliens that escape, and it seems he upgrades himself again," said Gwen getting ready to fight

"All right, then what's the robot, and how do we take it down," said Kim.

Then a booming and robotic voice comes out of the mech "I have no weakness I'm all perfection," then he laughs at the five teens.

"Oh yeah how this for perfection," said Kevin turning his hand into a spike ball and hitting the mech in the leg doing little damage

"Ha! pathetic attempt for an organic life form,"

The mech tries to smash the five teens with feet, but they avoid the mech stomps by moving back away from the robot. Lodestar pulled a wrecked truck off the ground and threw it out the mech, but the mech slaps the truck away from it.

"This robot is going to be tough to take down," said Gwen who tries to creates mana around the robot legs tries to make it trip

But XT7 sees what Gwen is trying to do and the mech chest opens up, a large grey net shoots out from it and lands on Gwen the net turn blue and electric Gwen causing her to pass out.

"Gwen!" said both Lodestar and Kevin.

Kim and Ron get Gwen out of the net and out of danger while Lodestar flies toward, and he magnetically pulled XT7 left arm off it body, and Kevin managed to climb up the mech leg and made large dents to the right knee of the robot.

"I will not be stopped by inferior humans and a Biosovortion!" XT7 shouted in rage

The mech raises it's the right arm and fires two missiles at Lodestar, who makes the missile hit each other, then XT7 grab Kevin from it knee.

"This is going to hurt," said Kevin XT7 threw Kevin into a pile of car parts that fall on top of him

Meanwhile, after Kim and Ron put Gwen in a safe place, they see Ben is by himself with the wanted alien.

"We got to help him, Ron," said Kim

"I don't think our gadgets can work against that robot Kim," said Ron

Rufus pop-out of Ron's pocket and see a large magnetic crane near the robot Rufus go up to Ron's shoulder and get his attention.

"What is it Rufus?" said Ron

"Over there," said Rufus pointing Ron and Kim to the magnetic crane

"I think Rufus got us a way to help," said Kim

"Uh-huh," said Rufus who get back into Ron pocket and the two couples head to the crane

Back to Lodestar and XT7, the mech is still trying to get rid of Lodestar with its machine gun.

"Jeez don't think about the fourth time you don't think guns can work against me," said Lodestar using a car door to block the bullets

"In a matter of time, you'll be destroyed, and I will show the whole galaxy that am I the shining light of a perfect machine," said XT7, then try to swipe at Lodestar, but he dodges.

"Please your not a perfect machine your just a crazy robot who put junk on its body,"

"Only a lesser life form would see that as you will not be able to stop me,"

"He might not, but this would," Lodestar and XT7 turn around to see Ron operating the crane with Kim by his side.

The magnetic goes over it the mech head and starts to pick up Lodestar uses all of its power to make the mech body stay on the ground.

"No this can't be happening!" shouted XT7

The mech head gets ripped up from the body, and a robotic skeleton head falls out of the mech head, and the machine that is making the other robots stops working.

"Way to go, you guys," said Lodestar who gets back on the ground

"No problem thanks to my skills on Crane operator 101," said Ron with a smile

"Somehow that's it help us out," said Kim kissing Ron on the forehead

Lodestar changes back to Ben's usual self; he walks over to skeleton heads and picks it up.

"I guess your dream of being perfect is over," said Ben

Then XT7 speaks even without a body "that may be at least I won't witness this planet destruction when Ejaw plan starts,"

"Who's Ejaw XT7?"

"Someone I would be apprehensive about humans," then XT7 shuts itself down.

"Okay, that was interesting," Ben thought.

 After the defeat of XT7 Gwen and Kevin regain consciousness, they call in the Plumbers for a cleanup. Next, when everyone is medically cleared, the five teens head back to Middleton. Team 10 gets back to their hotel room, and they get a call from Grandpa Max about what had happened today.

"Good work, you guys on getting the second, wanted alien," said Grandpa Max

"Thanks, Grandpa," said Gwen

"Now we only got the third to worry about now, have you guys got anything on him?"

"I might from XT7," said Ben

"You did?" said Kevin

"Yeah, I think I got the name of the third alien,"

"And that would be?" said Gwen

"Ejaw, have any guys heard that name before?"

"Nope,"

"Never," said Kevin

Grandpa Max was quiet for a moment and said "I do,"

"Who is he grandpa?" said Ben

"Someone I thought who still rotting away in the Null Void I'm coming to Middleton,"

"Really?" said Gwen

"Yes, Ejaw is a dangerous criminal who is a very dangerous threat that why you guys will be staying at Middleton a bit longer than usual,"

"That alright with me  that means more time away from school," said Ben

"Grandpa who dangerous is Ejaw?" said Gwen

"I'll tell you more when I get to Middleton; see you guys later," Max hangs up.

"Wow Ejaw must be a big deal if Max coming here," said Kevin

"More importantly what so special about Middleton that he is coming here even with the risks?" said Gwen

"Well whoever he is we will be ready for him," said Ben and his two teammate node in agreement

At night in Middleton streets was the man with the tainted red sunglasses is walking around the city and smiling.

"Middleton, the place where my home will be reborn with no plumbers not going stopping me this time," the men thought.

He looks around to see no one around him. He transforms into a black figure with red eyes goes into the shadow of an alleyway. Then climbs up to the roof of a newspaper building by turning his hands to claws. The men look at the overview of the city.

"Soon the Evarte race will be rise again!" the men shout into the night.

#Ben10 #Kim Possible

[yangingaround]

(Part 1) Not to shaft Yang, but I disagree with you that she’s had the least “rush in recklessly” moments. She basically initiated the fight in the Yellow Trailer by being overly-aggressive if all she wanted was information (and wasn’t there to basically start a fight). In 1x8 she jumped into the Nevermore’s mouth even though there was no one in immediate danger and simply dodging would probably have been the better tactical move.

Anonymous said:

(Part 2) She had (misplaced) overconfidence in trying to take Neo by herself in 2x11 and was nearly killed for it, and then in 2x12 she launched herself into the air (needlessly) without looking and immediately got knocked down by Nevermores from behind. In 3x6 the whole situation with Mercury could have been avoided if she’d simply side-stepped his attack (which RWB_ probably would have done) rather than attacking back.

Anonymous said:

(Part 3) And in 3x11, while I understand it was an emotional moment and she had to react quickly to make sure Blake didn’t get hurt further, she leaped into the air (again needlessly) making herself basically a sitting duck for Adam’s attack, whereas if she’d rushed him but kept her feet on the ground she would have had a much better chance of dodging his attack. Monday morning quarterbacking, I know, but still, Taiyang’s right in that she needs to learn to keep a more level head in combat.

Anonymous said:

(Part 4) By comparison, Blake, for example, has only really thrown herself into danger twice (3x11, and 4x3) and both times there were civilian lives under immediate threat, which was not the case in the Yang examples I noted. Again, Yang’s one of my favorite characters, so I’m not trying to shit on her. But I definitely think she’s had a problem with recklessness in v1-3.

Yellow trailer: Junior was already having his goons surround her - that fight was starting whether Yang wanted it to or not. Yang played up a distraction to catch Junior off guard and throw the first punch (which cleared out the night club of civilians) but that fight was starting anyway (Junior even admits that he and his goons started it in the manga adaptation of the trailer - which is supposed to be canon)

1x08: are we forgetting that how they were fighting the Nevermore was Ruby’s plan? by jumping into the Nevermore’s mouth, Yang not only had it’s attention but could make it go where she needed it to go for the plan to work - ‘dodging’ wouldn’t have made it plow into the cliff, especially not given that Yang is primarily a close quarters combatant

2x11: a)Yang didn’t have backup because near everyone else was having to fight another henchman (also “this one’s mine” doesn’t scream overconfidence, it’s “i’ll take this one, you go on ahead”. sticking together would’ve wasted time they didn’t have) and this whole situation was far beyond anyone’s skill level and no one had the time to team up and attack these minions when the priority was stopping the train (or was Weiss being reckless for fighting a big dude with a chainsword alone instead of making Blake stick around?)b) Yang was exhausted because she didn’t sleep as far as we saw, which affected her stamina and made it easier for Neo to knock her out (which she only did once Yang adapted to her fighting style - oh look at that, Yang was thinking, what a novelty apparently - and caught up with it enough to actually grab hold of her). all Neo had to do was stay out of her way and play for time, Yang needed to incapacitate her as quickly as possible and c) the car was an enclosed space, filled with Dust crates and she couldn’t rely on her typical combat style without setting them off, meaning Yang was severely limited in what she could do - and what else could she do? run away? Neo would either get in her way or attack one of her friends during their fights. recklessness implies she had a choice and she made the rash, thoughtless one - that’s not the case here

2x12: okay quick question, the Grimm were all coming through an underground tunnel so how in the hell was Yang supposed to know there would be Nevermores flying overhead? Yang taking to the air, considering she would most likely still be tapped out from exhaustion and the fight with Neo (and so direct combat would’ve put her at risk too, we later see her throwing cars at Grimm instead of engaging them directly), was her playing tactical and trying to stay away from direct attack, and getting sidelined by factors she had no reason to consider

3x06: so some dude just lost a fight and jumped to attack you, do you a) dodge out of the way, giving him opening to attack again when you are coming off an intense fight and are low enough on aura that another attack could do some damage? or b) stop him (as you are trained to fight monsters, so preventing further attacks is what you are literally trained for) so he doesn’t do it again? because defending herself makes sense, and most likely wouldn’t have even been penalised if it weren’t for the fact that it was a trick to make her look like a monstrous, thoughtless brute (because people only have a problem with Yang responding the way she did because we know she was set up - they think “Yang was stupid because she didn’t dodge and now she looks like a monster”, it’s like a lot of people forget that Yang doesn’t have the same information we do as an audience and it’s very often difficult to see the apparently ‘obvious’ solution when you’re in the middle of a situation)

3x11: this is just straight up victim blaming (which is also what Taiyang was doing), but alright. another question; ignoring that Yang isn’t an emotionless robot, it had been an extremely stressful 24 hours, someone she loved was in danger(there is no way anyone could keep a level head there) and that Yang values Blake’s life above her own; what other options did Yang exactly have? any of her usual tactics could be deflected, miss, take too much time, or could have hurt Blake themselves. bull rushing Adam with everything she had, as quickly as possible (and she had to get through a window frame so going for the direct ground attack would’ve taken longer than jumping, which leaves Blake in danger more - and close to the ground or not, Adam can still swing a sword so even if she would’ve dodged it wouldn’t have mattered, we saw in the Black trailer that thing’s got a very big radius, there’s literally no difference in those two methods except your suggestion is slower, Yang wasn’t even that high up and had her abilities powering the speed of the attack, on foot she would’ve still been slower), was the fastest way to get his focus off Blake and on her. and again, she had no idea that a) he had the kind of ability he does and b) that it was already charged up. those are things she didn’t know and in that moment, wasn’t what was important to her (i even stated that the two times Yang has actually thrown herself into danger, it’s been to try and save a loved one, where her own safety is not her primary concern - Yang’s even implied that she only takes care of herself because others might need her later, so in a moment where someone needs her, her own safety isn’t going to be on the priority list, and Yang doesn’t dodge in fights when her teammates are present, only when she’s alone. this still isn’t a case of Yang being reckless, this is Yang’s tendency to only place value in herself for how useful she can be to others, so she only takes care of herself for the possibility of someone needing her, reaching a terrible, logical conclusion)

that was just a bad situation with no good way out of it with everyone making it out okay - the point of that scenario wasn’t ‘Yang is a reckless idiot and lost her arm for it’, which is victim blamey, it’s a reality check, the villains are stronger, better fighters than the girls are currently - that they’ve still got a long way to go

(i’m surprised you didn‘t mention 2x04 and jumping on the mech and getting smashed through several reinforced pillars for it - you seem pretty intent on blaming her for losing her arm so why not that? you can’t blame someone for not knowing something - because you literally can’t plan for everything - or not having much choice in the matter)

but let’s examine Blake, shall we? she’s gotten less fight time than Yang has but she still manages a few more examples than the ones you cited (which i hadn’t even considered as examples; because Adam is an abuser deliberately playing on her trauma - daring her to run away again pretty much ensured she wouldn’t use her semblance to fight him and instead engage him directly - and there’s no way she could act rationally there, so claiming that is victim blamey as hell. and Blake was the only one present who could put an immediate attack in on the sea monster - literally doing her job before the Grimm turned out to be much worse than it looked)

1x16: threw herself into the fight at the docks, eventually solely going after Roman out of anger despite being outmatched

2x05/6: Blake’s obsession with tracking down Torchwick drives her to a point of exhaustion and she would’ve gotten herself killed if she’d continued on that because she wasn’t resting or eating. that is recklessness

4x09/10: chasing after a White Fang spy whilst completely unarmed and with no plan

do you know what the big difference i’m seeing here is? things more often than not work out for Blake when it comes to throwing herself into danger (the same is true of Ruby) - Ruby, then Penny showing up and Roman deciding to just leave, the spy turning out to be someone Blake knew that wouldn’t directly attack her - while with Yang sometimes they don’t, and the audience reads that as Yang being punished for recklessness because there’s this odd audience fixation that Yang is always in the wrong (do you really think a character that nearly got herself and her sister killed when they were kids - and actually believes they should have died - while stubbornly, recklessly chasing after something. is going to have a problem with those things in the present? it doesn’t make sense to have that in a backstory if it’s still a problem in the present, proving the character learned nothing, when that’s evidently not the case). Yang is shown to be the most levelheaded and thoughtful member of her team, and there’s no evidence she isn’t in fights she doesn’t have personal stake in (where it’s understandable that she responds more emotionally), except for people not paying enough attention to factors outside of Yang and deciding she must be at fault when things go wrong even when all she’s doing is responding to a threat and doesn’t have a whole lot of options. but she gets shat on because she’s the ‘angry’ one (even though her letting her anger out seems to help her focus more than hinder it - anger isn’t itself bad, people are allowed to be angry but Yang is always the only one criticised for it even though when examining it she’s evidently in control of herself), and dismissed as an reckless idiot that doesn’t look before she leaps because no one looks beyond the surface with her (as per usual) to consider any underlying factors

#yangalysis #long post #Anonymous

[babybahamut]

Pru, Agatha, Jade, Alice, Sirin

Answering these (finally). The first three are from Transformations, my magical-girl story set in a modern world, the latter two are from Ravens, which is more a high-fantasy DnD-style world.

Transformationscrew:

Pru:

FullName: Arrivingat “Pru” was an ordeal in itself, sothere’s no surname to speak of.Her name is short for Prudence, but she doesn’t like to be calledthat.Genderand Sexuality: Pru is a gay girl, which is lucky because there aren’tany boys in her story…Pronouns:She/herEthnicity/Species:Human (magicalgirl).She’s from the same country as everyone else in her story, but froma further-flung part of it.Birthplaceand Birthdate: See above, and she’s ~17but I’m not sure on day/month.GuiltyPleasures: She’s big-time into her world’s equivalent ofprofessional wrestling. The choreographed entertainment show based onan actual sport, for clarity. She knows all the players andstorylines and talks about them like they’re real.Phobias:I guess it’s more a fear than a phobia, but she’s torn up aboutwhat she wants to do with her life vs what she’s good at doing- theuncertainty roots her to the spot and makes her struggle to chooseeither. WhatThey Would Be Famous For: The end events of her story get her in thenewspapers- twice!!! But aside from that, she keeps company with aminor celeb who aspires to be a major celeb so she’s mainly befamous by proxy.WhatThey Would Get Arrested For: Breakingand entering, but she doesn’t get caught. (Why do all of mycharacters have a propensity for breaking and entering…)OCYou Ship Them With: Canonicallyit’s either Aya or Prissy (or neither!) but if I’m honest, it’sAya. Prissy’s more of a best frenemy.OCMost Likely To Murder Them: ‘Mole’by proxy, but Agatha could be pushed to that if she had to.FavoriteMovie/Book Genre: Anythingspectacular and melodramatic, with big flashy battle scenes. Makingbattles entertaining is a vital part of duelling in her world, butshe’s more focused on fighting well rather than putting on the bestshow. She likes to live vicariously through her media instead.LeastFavorite Movie/Book Cliche: Hahanope, see above. She loves that stuff.Talentsand/or Powers: She’snotably good at reading her opponent- predicting and countering theirnext move, and also identifying weaknesses in their style that shecan exploit. It’s not a superpower, she’s just good at it.WhySomeone Might Love Them: Sheuses her above talent to help people improve, even her rivals. Herway of thinking is that if everyone else becomes a better magicalgirl, she’ll have to improve too in order to keep up, and everyonebenefits from it. WhySomeone Might Hate Them: Theabove CAN be grating, but also she’s probably one of my flattestcharacters, honestly… I need to work more on making her interestingin her own right. Shesuffers a bit from Player Character syndrome.HowThey Change: She’smore of a catalyst for change in others, but she’s currentlywalking two roads and after securing a major victory on both, shecomes to realise where her heart lies and what she’s reallyfighting for. (She’d love that in someone else’s story! Verydramatic.)WhyYou Love Them: She’schanged a lot since she was Pro Tagonist, but there’s a lot ofaffection there. I’ve borrowed heavily from “Hilda” indeveloping her character, but with a lot of soft mods to make hersuitable.

Agatha

FullName: Agatha.Concept name was Anta Gonist. (she couldn’t be Anne Tagonist,because then she’d have the same last name as Pro!)Genderand Sexuality: Female,and currently too full of piss-and-vinegarto really anchor herself to any sexuality in particular (so I guess,ace?).Pronouns:She/herEthnicity/Species:Humanmagical girlBirthplaceand Birthdate: I’mundecided yet if she’s a fourth or fifth year (16-17 or 17-18).GuiltyPleasures: Thelook on Tor’s face when she’s acting out is 90% of the reason shedoes it.Phobias:FAILURE.She will be the best. She must be the best. She’s painfully awareof the fact that she ISN’T the best and she’ll go to any lengthnecessary to change that.WhatThey Would Be Famous For: Shewants to be famous for beingthe best, as above. But her fame comes from the same place as Pru’s,mentioned above.WhatThey Would Get Arrested For: UhhhI don’t want to spoil too much, but she hurts a lot of people.

OCYou Ship Them With: theclosest would be Tor, but they’re better as friends. In the eventthis story gets a big enough following though, that’d be her mostpopular ship.OCMost Likely To Murder Them: Hah.Well, Aya.FavoriteMovie/Book Genre: Partof being The Best involves having the most noticeable persona, so shelikes fantasy-type stuff with which to flower up her language andsound cool.LeastFavorite Movie/Book Cliche: Underdogstories. You don’t get to win because you’re NOT the best! That’sunfair to those who are!Talentsand/or Powers: Herschool doesn’t encourage dark magic, but it’s the only schoolwhich allows its use. They view it as an acceptable advantage for anymagical girl who can use it effectively (it’s hard). So, she’smaking use of that in her battles.WhySomeone Might Love Them: She’sa surprisingly good mentor- she knows how to push people’s hotbuttons to spur them onto better things. WhySomeone Might Hate Them: Sheenjoys being a heel a little too much, I wouldn’t say she falls asfar as being an outright bully but she has no filter and she likes togoad people. 100% brat.HowThey Change: Notfor the better, sadly. Dark magic is powerful but hard to control,and she’s the perfect combination of overconfident and painfullyinsecure to be a bad marriage with that.WhyYou Love Them: She’sthe only person who can push Aya to breaking point. Aya doesn’tfight other people as a rule, but Agatha is the exception.

Jade

FullName: Formerly ‘Aya’s Sister’, she’s now named after the Jadefrom Jackie Chan Adventures thanks to Nik.Gender and Sexuality:Female and, jeez, I guess bi? (Seriously. There’s no boys in thisstory. I have no idea if she likes them or not.)Pronouns:she/herEthnicity/Species: Human magical girlBirthplaceand Birthdate: Older than Aya. Not quite 25, but a few yearsgraduated.Guilty Pleasures: asa mechanic she’s usually found in work clothes, so an opportunityto get dressed up to the nines and break some hearts is rare butalways welcome.Phobias:Afterincidents in her past, she resolved to be fearless. Nothingirrational fazes her, but she’s anxious over whether or not Ayahates her.WhatThey Would Be Famous For: Shepulls a crowd whenever she goes monster hunting, primarily due to hershowboating but also because very few magical girls use a mech.WhatThey Would Get Arrested For: Somethingsilly that she’d get a caution for. Stealing traffic cones.OCYou Ship Them With: Shedoesn’t really have anyone her age to pair off with. I feel likeit’d be popular to pair her with Pru though.OCMost Likely To Murder Them: Theonly one of the main cast who could really do much to her is Pru’smother (who would annihilate pretty much all of them). FavoriteMovie/Book Genre: shelikes those How To Do Everything kinda guide books. She was atop-tierpatron of the ‘Make’ humble bundle.LeastFavorite Movie/Book Cliche: Shedoesn’t like how Iron Man is the most mobile of the Avengers.Robots are HEAVY! She’d know!Talentsand/or Powers: Herparticular brand of magical girl power gives her manipulation ofmachinery, sort of magnetics and that sort of thing. Basically, shecan wear cars on her mech and use them to punch you.WhySomeone Might Love Them: Shehas a black wit and she can punch people with cars.WhySomeone Might Hate Them: What?No, no reason, Jade’s awesome. (She’s brash and a bit eccentric.Hard to get on with, but a great big-sis.)HowThey Change: She’sdone changing. She wants Aya to change.WhyYou Love Them: She’sa success story on my part. She began life as a kinda cliched plotdevice of a character, but I decided I wanted to do better than thatand she became something really great. She’s the first disabledcharacter I’ve written so she marks progression there, too.

Ravens:

Alice

FullName: Nah. Even ‘Alice’ isn’t really her name.Genderand Sexuality: Female, attractive guys are nice but she could only beromantically involved with a girl- but she chooses not to getinvolved in that sort of thing to start with.Pronouns:She/herEthnicity/Species:Thief! Human thief.Birthplaceand Birthdate: She’s a little younger than Eli. About 17.GuiltyPleasures: As a thief, all of her pleasures are guilty. But the thingshe would never admit to is how much she enjoys working withEli.Phobias:Being caught. Not by the law- she can deal with them just fine. Butif she was caught by those who would have her return to her old life,that’d be the worst fate possible.WhatThey Would Be Famous For: A girl doesn’t vanish from her home andassume a fake identity with a band of thieves to become famous.WhatThey Would Get Arrested For: She wouldn’t. I mean, she’s doneplenty that would earn her an arrest, but she’s too good forthat.OCYou Ship Them With: None of mine. She does not become romanticallyinvolved with Eli at any point! Very adamant on that, even if somehowthey make a movie about this series one day!OCMost Likely To Murder Them: Sirin! It’s mutual.FavoriteMovie/Book Genre: She doesn’t care for stories. Legends, however,usually have some basis in truth, and that means artifacts topilfer.LeastFavorite Movie/Book Cliche: Legends usually involve some magical herodoing something improbable to save the day… and that’slame.Talentsand/or Powers: She’s very good at getting into places she’s notmeant to be, and getting out of places she’s supposed to stayin.WhySomeone Might Love Them: She’s good at what she does and she’ssnarky to anyone who doesn’t believe it.WhySomeone Might Hate Them: She’s also snarky to anyone who doesbelieve it. HowThey Change: She becomes more willing to work with others over time,rather than trying to get by on her own. WhyYou Love Them: She was the first female character I wrote who wasn’tjust a plot device or for the main character to fall in love with(read: for the author to fall in love with). She is a leap forwardfor me in the kinds of characters I can come up with- when I grew outof obvious self-inserts and weak proto-anime stereotypes. Also, justin her own right, she’s a lot of fun! She works really well as afoil to Eli, the counter to his cheeriness.

Sirin!

FullName: Grand Archmagus Sirin Icebringer, or so she dreams of one daybecomingGender and Sexuality: She’s female and lives a lifeof isolation so it’s hard to say what sexuality she is. She getslonely sometimes but she shrugs it off as part and parcel of thedecisions she’s made- she doesn’t regret it. She did have a crushon a lad at the Academy, back in her youth. He was as driven as sheis, but unfortunately he died quite horrifically in an experimentthey were working on together. She was only partially to blame andshe learned a whole lot from it, so she considers it a netpositive.Pronouns: She/herEthnicity/Species: Human,magic-capableBirthplace and Birthdate: She was born on theas-yet unnamed central island whose inhabitants have a tendency to beborn with magical abilities. It’s not unique to the island, buttheir society is built around it. Guilty Pleasures: althoughshe likes to appear the grumpy loner, people recognising heraccomplishments fills her with a genuine pride that is much to herdistaste. She’s kind of a narcissist.Phobias: She getsanxious when people borrow her books, and she’s a bit of acockroach generally, but she’s too driven to let much scare her offin the end. What They Would Be Famous For: She wants to restoremagic to its former glory- the magic that exists in her time is farweaker than historical documents imply it used to be. That’s hergoal, but if she also happens to inspire awe in people just throughher normal magical feats that’s fine. What They Would GetArrested For: Honestly she’s kind of an awful person. She’s toosmart to be too blatant about any laws she breaks, but there’s beena lot. She rarely will do the dirty work herself.OC You ShipThem With: No way. No one deserves to be lumbered with Sirin.OCMost Likely To Murder Them: Alice!Favorite Movie/Book Genre:the level of magic found in high fantasy is what she’s aiming for,but she can very easily be brought out of it by unrealistic magic.(If you follow that.)Least Favorite Movie/Book Cliche: Whydoesn’t the all-powerful evil wizard just telekinesis a small stonethrough all of his enemies, why do they have to be so grandiose? Giveher that kind of power, she’ll show the world how it’sdone.Talents and/or Powers: She’s generally a talentedwizard, with a penchant for ice magic. Somewhat unique to her is herabilities with counter-magic- she can deconstruct a spell someoneelse has cast and reduce it to its base components. She uses itdefensively, but also to learn how certain tricks were done so shecan copy it.Why Someone Might Love Them: She’s sodelightfully grotesque. She doesn’t have the chops to be outrightevil, but she’s certainly villainous. It’s fun to watch her beawful.Why Someone Might Hate Them: Well, certainly she doesn’thave many friends in-universe. Roc is her mentor and he respects hermagical ability but he doesn’t really look far past that in anyone.How They Change: Hmm, can’t say too much for spoilers, butlets say she doesn’t become nicer.Why You Love Them: She’sso much fun to play with! Her drive for rare spell components hasseen her do some really awful things, both morally and just generallygag-inducing. It’s fun to have a Bad character who isn’t evil orthe villain- she’s one of the good guys!

#BBs Do A Thing Tag

[trainerv]

Astroforce

More on the Astroforce because someone @saki-noir was curious and I really needed to work more on them, anyhow. It’s kinda long with individual facts on each one, so I’m putting it under the cut. Subject to edits.

The Astroforce are five earth-made trains under Astrotrain’s command and care.

-At least 2 out of 3 of their alt modes were possibly based off of train models that, in reality, had been retired long before the 1980’s, when the first 2 season of G1 took place. This in mind, I imagine that the trains Astro had used to make the Astroforce were either off in a corner somewhere, waiting to be turned into scrap metal, were being preserved or were completely forgotten. With this in combination with the water damaged caused by the flood left the five a complete disaster when brought in. Dirty, damaged and uncared for, there was little hope for actually bringing them online. Then, the Decepticons found the key to vector sigma (the episode The Key to Vector Sigma part 1 actual premiered only a few episodes after Triple Takeover). Once it successfully brought the Stunticons to life from regular cars, it was used on the Astroforce because Megatron wouldn’t pass up the chance to have something Optimus doesn’t. Their bodies were still in terrible shape, but it was a start.

-While work was being done on the Stunticons on Earth, they were moved to the head Cybertron base and put under Technis’ care.  It took a lot of time to get them functioning “properly” – even now they still show numerous defects and parts of them were completely outdated, but can’t be replaced without overhauling their entire frames. Plans are being made to give them proper Cybertronian bodies, but this will take some time. Until then, they are given frequent check-ups. It is done before the 20 year gap between seasons 2 and 3. Possibilities of a combiner have been thrown on the table.

-None of the members of the force have any real memory of their “lives” as actual trains. Their first memory, albeit as drones, was of Astrotrain and, in a way, they sort of imprinted on him. They follow him around and really only listened to him, at first. They can communicate with each other via a sort of Morse code that consists of blinking their lights and whistle-blowing.

-They’re much smaller than Cybertronian train-based transformers typically are, given that they’re from earth. Their robot modes are based only of the first one or two cars of their original train forms, as the rest were needed for spare parts to make some repairs or were too damaged to work with. New cargo holds for energon/weapon storage are attached to them when making rounds.

-They share their own room and enjoy a big cuddle pile when recharging Astrotrain included whether he likes it or not, telling stories of their individual jobs, and playing board games together. Some of Trackside’s stories may or may not be slightly not true

Injector is the only steam engine of the crew, her alt possibly being based off a DRG 01 1102 or possibly some form of Pendolino model (though I don’t think there are any close enough in design that were built at the time).

-She’s considered the oldest of the 5 given that she was the first to be brought online. She was frightened and overwhelmed and didn’t know who those strange people poking her where and why they were asking her all these questions. She panicked and hid behind Astrotrain, the only familiar bot in the room. After being “ordered” to let the doctors do whatever they need to do, she was more docile, though visibly nervous; her answers to questions were simple head nods or shakes and a ‘mhmm’ or ‘mm mm’. Once she was cleared, she returned to Astrotrain’s side and waited quietly for the others. Seeing them be as calm as they were by comparison, she felt embarrassed and promised to be a better example next time.

-Her boiler was the most damaged part of her (it wasn’t in the best of shape to begin with and the flood and years of not being used didn’t help) and had to be replaced with a new one. While still able to consume energon, her body is still fully capable of running solely on coal and water. Her steam engine makes her the warmest and the center of nighttime cuddle piles.

-The dual antennae on the side of her helm are very sensitive to vibration and she hates having them touched. They can make only minor movements.

-When angry or flustered, she’ll blow steam out of her chimney. She’s very sensitive about it. Don’t laugh! It’s not funny! She also has a habit of holding people’s hands when nervous.

-The metal making up her body isn’t particularly durable and needs to be checked on often, so she spends almost as much time in the med bay as Switchman does.

-What looks like a visor is actually a part of her face and can’t just be removed, though she has two optic scanners behind it, like a regular face would. She has the best vision and is capable of seeing little details and movements that might go unnoticed by others.

-She feels sympathy for any abandoned trains or other vehicles she sees. While she can’t take every one home and get them fixed up like she was, she does quick sketches of how they look then redraws them all fixed up when she has the time later. She keeps them in a little secret drawer and lets no one see them.

-Given her ability to run on alternative fuels, she’s spent the most time on the tracks of the 5. It also helps that she is the fastest. She – and sometimes the others – helps bring energon from mines to bases on earth.

Switchman was the second. Possible Alt: ETR 401 [which had actually been in use at the time] or the M-10000 [which would be the oldest model on here]

-He was much calmer than Injector was when brought online, though opted to stay close to her and Astrotrain. He watched curiously as the doctors worked on the others, though he’d pretend not to be when asked if he wanted to get a better look.

-During his stay in the med bay, an issue with his back strut was found, causing him to occasionally slouch and minor pain. A brace was put on to help it, but he finds it uncomfortable and hard to transformer with, so he’ll loosen it or will take it off completely when he’s out. He’s slightly taller than Rail Grinder when standing straight.

-Like Injector, he’s actually very insecure. The others can run and jump and do things so easily, and he’s in the back, having trouble doing sometimes the simplest physical tasks given his bad back. He uses most of his energy trying to stay up straight and ignore the pain, but he tires himself out quickly.

-He finds himself fascinated by how things work, and will watch curiously as other do things. 

-Being the passive type who prefers to watch and listen, he tends to remember the little things people say and do. Example, he knows that when Injector’s antennae stick up and/or twitch, she’s about to have one of her anxiety attacks and will hold her hand to calm her down. If one of the others is closer, he’ll signal them to do it.

-He enjoys movie nights with a few of the other cons. He’s fond of film noir and mystery movies. He usually figures out who-done-it before long, but enjoys them none the less. He also has a small collection of mystery novels.

-He can and will sleep just about anywhere. Don’t underestimate his ability to find a nice groove or hole in the middle of a battlefield to rest in. He’s also the best cuddler. Watch out when he gets tired.

-I’m aware he’s the only one without a headlight. I have no excuse. I forgot it.

Rail Grinder is the third and has the same alt mode as Switchman.

-Rail Grinder was the calmest, letting the doctors do whatever to him. Nothing bad happened to Switchman and Injector, so what did he have to worry about? 

-The doctors weren’t too fond of having him around, though, given he wouldn’t stop touching everything and asking questions. He almost took off one of the nurse’s hands messing with a laser scalpel.

-Testing showed most of his body is surprisingly sturdy; however, the joints are very weak. Too much heavy physical activity at once can result in, at worst case, the breaking of a joint and the possible loss of a limb. A bit of rest during work and constant maintenance is all that’s really needed prevents this until his new body is ready.

-He stays with the Cybertron crew going around and helping everyone in the base. He hangs around with the grunts and “drones” (like the vehicons), mostly, having a good chat and doing menial tasks, like unloading energon cubes. He can carry quite a lot, as it turns out, and likes to paint things on the vehicons to help tell them apart.

-Second to Switchman, he spends the least amount of time in alt mode.

- He’s a curious child and can’t help himself from doing whatever his impulses tell him to. The world is new and there’s so much to explore and do. While his enthusiasm for life and living is much more subdued than the likes of High Rail, he’s made a habit out of trying everything at least once. Often the two will go out and find trouble to get into something interesting to do or he’ll partner with Trackside on one of her schemes.

- His catchphrases ‘it’ll be fine’ and ‘I got this’ have gotten him and others into more trouble than you’d believe. He’s not the master of everything he believes he is, but he tries. He doesn’t always succeed, but, still, he tries.

-He’s one of the few mechs, if there are any, who can handle gross, squishy, human gore (he doesn’t enjoy it, but can stomach it) and stuff and loves horror movies, black/dark comedies especially. No one gives him the remote at movie night, anymore; not after the Zombieland incident. He also enjoys slapstick and likes most comedies in general. He’s a big fan of Groucho Marx and the Three Stooges.

High Rail is the fourth. Her and Trackside’s alt mode are based off of the Pioneer Zephyr. [I’m retconning some things from my 8-facts post]

-High Rail was the most eager to get out of the med bay and get to living, upon hearing all the great things being explained to her and the others. It took a while to get her to stop bouncing and sit still for her checkup. Once cleared, she practically ran out of the med bay. She wouldn’t stop asking questions – much to everyone’s annoyance – and ran ahead of the group, touching everything they passed and greeting they met. No one knows where this energy came from, but it’s there.

-While her vision is less than perfect, the sensory organs hidden under the series of finials under her helm are highly sensitive. She can hear even the faintest of whispers from several feet away. She’s highly aware of other’s EM fields and can become overwhelmed when around too many other mechs. When this happens, the finials clench up to lessen the effects. Conversely, when under-stimulated, they’ll puff up in an attempt to pick up any sort of feedback. It’s pretty adorable. She, like Switchman, can tell when Injector is going to have one of her attacks, but is much less subtle about the matter and will try to talk to her to calm her.

-In fact, subtle is one of the many things High Rail is not. She wears her emotions on her figurative sleeves and doesn’t understand when people try to hide them or when they can’t tell how others are feeling as well as she can, sometimes forgetting her own hypersensitivity to others’ emf is an anomaly.

-She’s not particularly sensitive about her single optic, but will become offended if it’s mentioned as being anything odd or unusual and, naturally, her siblings will defend her. There’s nothing wrong with her face at all; she’s beautiful and they will fight you.

-She spends the most amount of time in alt mode of the five. Usually she’s seen alongside (or just behind) Injector on deliveries around earth if she’s not racing Trackside to see who’s faster. So far, Trackside has her beat 10-13. She wants her new body to be faster than ever.

-She’s the only one who knows of Injector’s hobby and has tried, more than once, to get her to show the others and while out on her own routes, will takes pictures of broken down vehicles for Injector to draw. She also takes photos of other things that capture her interest while she’s at it.

-She strongly dislikes high grade as the resulting overcharge messes with her senses and confuses her.

-She’s a sucker for sappy ‘kids’ movies and anything that pulls at the heartstrings.

Trackside is the youngest of the crew, but only by so much, so don’t mention it. She shares her alt mode with High Rail.

-Trackside was very vocal of her dislike of being touched and questioned by the doctors and would complain and push them away before being told to knock-it-off. She put on a fake smile and begrudgingly let them work. Once finished, she was more than happy to get away, but not before swiping a few extra treats that are usually given to the good little bots after checkups. She shared some with the others, but not all of it.

-Her body is surprisingly sturdy, but can cease up from time to time, causing her joints to tighten and making movement difficult. Constant lubrication and bolt loosening are required.

-Her large, flat optics aren’t just for show. Similar to Injector’s, they’re very adept at picking up movement. This – combined with her quick reflex and fast processor –makes her great at both firing projectiles and taking out moving targets. Of course, she uses this more for firing paint balls at people via slingshot than doing anything on a battlefield.

-Meeting Uncles Blitzwing and Octane for the first time, she questioned whether or not she had “to pretend to like these ones, too”, though she claims she was only joking and does she look like the type to lie?

-Of the five, she’s probably the most cunning, or, at the very least, the most likely to take advantage of any given situation. If it means getting something she wants, she’s more than willing to play dirty and doesn’t get why her siblings (who know her well enough not to be caught in her lies) don’t more often. Sure, she’s the cute one, but they’re not too bad. She tends to stick closer to Octane after having once assisted him in one of his lies and being called his ‘favorite’.

-Unlike her favorite uncle, though, she’s not afraid to be out on the battle field; in fact, of the 5, she’s the most likely to deck someone in the jaw for insulting her family. Only she can do that. She also has an interest in baseball and has a killer swing, something most anyone who knows her well enough, knows not to be on the wrong end of.

-She is a member of a Deception sports club, one that started up recently. A few of the cons had gotten into earth sports after having seen them on tv or while out on earth and decided it would be fun to give a few a try. It’s more a way to boost morale and practice team-building, something the cons could use.

-Trackside’s name comes from the actual term, Trackside, but is also a play on the phrase “side track”/”side-tracked”; fitting given her tendency to distract others while pulling pranks. I’ll be honest, that was an accident, but it works, so…

#transformers #maccadam #astroforce #tf oc #tf ocs #astrotrain #choo choo rocket #jr choo choo patrol #i can make words guys #long post #hoo boy #this took forever #high rail #rail grinder #switchman #injector #trackside #this actually got very difficult when trying to figure out their alts #if anyone can give me their exact alts id be greatful #i like the idea of the cons doing sport stuff #i swear i wasn't watching iron leaguer #while writing trackside's thing #ok maybe one or two episodes #this wasn't done in order

[verdigrisprowl]

Feb 15 Blurr’s Horror Stream - Children of the Corn

An Insecticon showed up. Prowl panicked and left. He forced himself to come back. He had to keep a hand on his neck the whole time to keep himself from panicking, but he successfully managed not to panic. He’s getting better at handling Insecticons.

It helped that the Insecticon talked like Ben Stein.

Welcome to the 'speedxstealer' room. The chat room has been cleared by the moderator. Dart: [ Running late. Skids into the room and slams down a tray of treats. Phew. Not so late. ] ItsyBitsySpyers: *Soundwave shows up with only Frenzy in tow. Rumble stayed home and the others are busy working right now. He'll peer closely at Dart before taking his usual seat.* Dart: [ waves with a slight smile. ] ItsyBitsySpyers: *Wonders if that new mod made Blurr ill. Hmm.* Dart: [ u will find out because tonight is the reveal all night ] N O S: [ comes skidding in on a cart. He has a CART of snacks] Airachnid: [is just going to flick her glossa in and out and following the cart] Airachnid: [so much for sneaking in like normal] N O S: [ presents the cart ] Snacks for the guests! Airachnid: [happily helps herself, she didn't eat before coming here] Whirl: *trots in, looks around; he tilts his head at his new hosts questioningly, but doesn't say anything* Dart: [ waves at Whirl and Airachnid ] Airachnid: [gives a wave in response before climbing into the hammock] Whirl: *steps further in and just talks to Dart as if he DIDN'T threaten to burn him to death last week* What's the news? ANY news? ItsyBitsySpyers: *Soundwave tilts his helm in Whirl and Dart's direction. Listening again.* Dart: Uh, well... [ looks around ] We'll wait til everyone's settled, all right? Whirl: *arrows his optic, briefly considering throwing his weight around again, before he finally nods; turning away, he bobs his helm cordially at Airachnid* Airachnid: [waves at Whirl before getting more comfortable in the hammock] Whirl: *he does not sit down, but instead, begins pacing* N O S: ... You want something to drink or somethin'? Dart: (( lemme know when you guys are ready. )) Whirl: Nah. Whirl: ((I am!)) ItsyBitsySpyers: ((gimme like 3 min plz)) ItsyBitsySpyers: ((then i will be ready if others are)) Dart: (( mhm! )) N O S: If you say so. Prowl: *belated arrival. sits, dims optics, tunes out world until show starts* N O S: (( and we're back )) Whirl: ((i have, the black screen)) Dart: (( try it now )) Dart: (( It just reset itself again )) Whirl: ((lemme refresh)) N O S: ((mkay )) Whirl: ((THERE we go)) Dart: (anyway. y'all lemme know when you're ready again )) Whirl: ((i am!)) Airachnid: I am)) boomtank: ((ready! ItsyBitsySpyers: ((yup)) Dart: [ looking around at everyone. He hasn't really formally met anyone. ] Dart: [ But, he'll be friendly. For the moment ] Whirl: *has not stopped pacing* Dart: ... You okay? [frowns a little ] Airachnid: [may or may not be watching Whirl] Whirl: What do you THINK? Dart: (( ANYWAY. )) N O S: (( okay are people ready yet? )) Whirl: **yep!)) Airachnid: ye)) Dart: (( everyone else, too? )) Sideswipe: ((yep Dart: (( before my net crashes AGAIN )) Dart: (( anyway im starting ) ItsyBitsySpyers: *Soundwave cautiously taps the avatar. Thing's starting.* Whirl: *leans on the wall by the door and STARES at Dart* FakeProwl: *several seconds of silence; then optics flicker and brighten. small nod of thanks.* Dart: ... What? Dart: [ SIGH ] ItsyBitsySpyers: [[Corn children. ... Seeds?]] ItsyBitsySpyers: *Nods back.* Whirl: What do you mean, what, you idiot? How is he? Any better? Any WORSE? Dart: ... [sighs] Not better. Not worse. Dart: He's just the same. Whirl: *IT'S HIS TURN TO SIGH* Whirl: ((whops all caps)) Airachnid: [since Whirl is preoccupied with other things, she's just going to take up the whole hammock] Sideswipe: -he's here now- Whirl: Any words on your plans? N O S: ... Uh, we're gonna keep working? N O S: We can't stop just because he decided to take a head vacation. Airachnid: [that got violent quickly, she likes it] Whirl: Mmhmm. Whirl: Well. *pings his frequency over* Whirl: Comm me if anything changes, one way or the other. Sideswipe: ....that's an interesting start to a movie N O S: ... I guess. Dart: He means we will. Whirl: ((!! i didn;'t know Linda Hamilton was in this!)) Whirl: ((danny elfman is that u in the ost i hear)) Whirl: (OH NO, IT WAS NOT)) Whirl: You'd BETTER, because if I find out you held out on me, you'll regret it. Dart: We're not sure what to do, honestly. Dart: We should probably tell his friends, though. Whirl: Yeah. There's a few people back home. I'll let 'em know. Dart: (( oh come on internet.. )) Dart: I don't really know who his friends are. Dart: [ looking around ] Other than Drift and you. ItsyBitsySpyers: ((i have audio and no video)) Airachnid: same)) Dart: (( I paused it. )) Sideswipe: ((black screeeeen Dart: (( fuckiing comcast. )) ItsyBitsySpyers: ((there we go)) Whirl: ((goddammit livestream pls)) Whirl: ((and/or internet)) Dart: [ maybe soundwave, but he's never mentioned soundwave. Ravage, yes ] Dart: [ But, he doesn't know what to say so. Shift. Sits down. ] ItsyBitsySpyers: *Soundwave will tell Ravage himself soon.* Whirl: All right. Well. *just sort of trails off* Dart: Axis figured out some things, though. ItsyBitsySpyers: *Also: a serenade. How lucky.* Whirl: I'm out. I'll check with you guys later. *he doesn't feel like sticking around with Blurr half-dead; he can't relax* ItsyBitsySpyers: *Frenzy waves Whirl goodbye* Dart: [ waves a servo ] Whirl: *bobs his helm to Frenzy, and then Airachnid* Airachnid: [oh is he leaving? she waves from the hammock] Whirl: *and then, he is gone* ItsyBitsySpyers: [[Gruesome.]] Dart: [ chin hands. ] Whirl: ((ok, OC incoming, lemme post y'al a ref: Whirl: http://68.media.tumblr.com/54e294d05cac7a4a53a93276f14bafde/tumblr_newh7bf4Vr1qgwdbco1_r1_1280.png FakeProwl: ((is it paused rn?)) Dart: (( no )) ItsyBitsySpyers: ((i don't think so)) FakeProwl: ((NOPE. I WAS JUST FROZEN)) Whirl: ((nah linda hamilton and A Dude are in a car)) Airachnid: A BUGGER??)) Dart: (( want me to pause? )) FakeProwl: ((no i restarted)) Whirl: ((A BIG BUGGER)) Airachnid: YE)) Whirl changed their nickname to Fiasco. Dart: (( okie )) FakeProwl: ((it's going now. a child is running in corn. how far behind am i)) FakeProwl: ((and now there's creepy laughter and a spider)) Dart: (( not that far )) Fiasco: ((CORN LOOMS MENACINGLY)) ItsyBitsySpyers: ((i'm behind you as a matter of fact)) FakeProwl: ((good enough)) Airachnid: I was about to say are you talking about Airachnid cause)) FakeProwl: ((the spider in question was just a wee bit smaller than airachnid)) FakeProwl: *prowl suddenly realizes he has absolutely no idea what's going on* Dart: [ glances at Frenzy ] Hey. Frenzy. [Waves a servo  ] Can I ask you somethin'? FakeProwl: *a diner got massacred while a sick child doodled, and another child got attacked in the plants and then got hit by a car. that's it. he hasn't paid attention to anything else.* ItsyBitsySpyers: \\SUP?\\ FakeProwl: *what the happ is fuckening* Fiasco: *there is a mech standing in your doorway. He's holding what looks to be a screen that was reconstituted into a data pad, and he is one-third again as tall as a average IDW mech* Airachnid: Oh just bury the body and keep going. ItsyBitsySpyers: *Prowl may ask for a recap if he needs one.* Sideswipe: ...I don't think humans do that Dart: [ tilts helm ] Did Blurr say anything while you guys were working on Thundertron's demise? ItsyBitsySpyers: *Soundwave glances at the newbie. Who...?* ItsyBitsySpyers: \\LOTSA STUFF WHAT AIN'T FIT FOR POLITE COMPANY.\\ N O S: [ glances at the door. Double takes. Draws out swivel pistols] Whoa whoa, whoa. Who's this clown? FakeProwl: *... he's gonna.* @Soundwave «I faded out. What happened between the diner massacre and the child getting killed in the plants?» Fiasco: *and when he speaks, his voice is an utterly monotone, lifeless drone. Imagine Ben Srtein, if he were a robot* Excuse me. Is this, in fact, the Emp--*looks up* Sideswipe: Or this one does? Maybe? Airachnid: [who is everyone looking at? she turns and.. oh] FakeProwl: ((insectistein)) Airachnid: [chirps at the newcomer] FakeProwl: ((... bensectistein)) Fiasco: *stares at the drawn pistols; his expression, which is one that is either weariness or boredom, does not changfe* Is this the Emperor. Dart: No, not like... not his usual talk. [ frowns ] I mean, did he do anything weird? Fiasco: ((WIN BENSECTSTEIN'S MONEY)) N O S: Yeah, who's askin'? Fiasco: I am N O S: Who's I? ItsyBitsySpyers: @Prowl: (txt): Little. Human pair celebrated birthday, began job location transfer. Human child attempted departure, stated dislike of environment. Two other children assisted, stayed behind. Fiasco: *looks at his "datapad" and then back up* Is this the movie room. N O S: Yeah... FakeProwl: @Soundwave «Has there been any explanation of the massacre?» Sideswipe: Yep Sideswipe: -points- Movie. There. Fiasco: *his antenna perk up a bit at the chirp and he glances her way, but his expression does not change* ... *looks back to NOS* Then I think I'm in the right place. I'm here to view the film. ItsyBitsySpyers: @Prowl: (txt): Only explanation: Malachi, Isaac perhaps ringleaders. Whole town affected. Nothing else. Fiasco: Are you going to point your guns at me the whole time. N O S: ... Right. [ lets his pistols swivel back ] Not unless you give me reason. N O S: I'm NOS. [points ] That's Dart. We're in charge right now. FakeProwl: *hm. acknowledging ping.* Fiasco: NOS. Dart. *nods* Fiasco. Fiasco: *and now he will duck so he can get through this door and take a seat* ItsyBitsySpyers: *"Fiasco" has a file now.* Airachnid: [she'll watch him now, she hasn't met an Insecticon froma  diffrent reality before] N O S: Fiasco... [ hums and just leans back against the wall ] Fiasco: I don't believe thirteen-thousand-hundred is a number. *abruptly looks to Airachnid* Who are you, and why have you made a sound at me. ItsyBitsySpyers: @Prowl: (txt): Music, games, crayons, drawings forbidden. This, against Malachi, Isaac human rules. Dead child suggested unpleasant end if discovered. FakeProwl: @Soundwave «Is this a new change, or some sort of cult that's been long established?» Airachnid: I'm Airachnid. I sometimes greet mecha like that. Fiasco: Hello, Airachnid. Airachnid: And, I like to see Insecticons, even if they aren't from my home reality. ItsyBitsySpyers: @Prowl: (txt): Initial murders, three years ago. Nothing else known. FakeProwl: @Soundwave «The one in the pinstripes is Isaac?» Fiasco: *his antenna perk up again* Oh? That's not the typical reaction. *he sets his datapad in his lap, aand pauses, eyeing her over* Are you an insecticon? ItsyBitsySpyers: *Tiny nod.* FakeProwl: *there's a new voice. glances toward it?* N O S: What in the pit is an Insecticon? Airachnid: Part Insecticon. ItsyBitsySpyers: \\HIM.\\ FakeProwl: *WHEN DID BOMBSHELL-- avatar spazzes and glitches.* N O S: I see that, obviously. But, what's the special name for? FakeProwl: *goodbye prowl is gone* Fiasco: *pauses and considers the question; he just sits there in silence for a few long moments* If I were to define it, I would say any and all mecha who have the potential to transform into a cyber-insect Fiasco: or retains cyber-insectoid characterstics. But I'm not an expert. N O S: Yeah, well, we've never seen one that looks like you. ItsyBitsySpyers: *What-- oh. Yes. Prowl's thing about Insecticons. He'll ping after to see if Prowl needs anything.* ItsyBitsySpyers: *Frenzy finally remembers he got asked a question* Airachnid: [notices what happened with Prowl] Fiasco: *if he noticed, he gives no sign* ItsyBitsySpyers: \\DON'T THINK SO? AFTER HE GOT THAT THING IN HE WAS LIKE. RUBBIN' HIS HELM 'N STUFF A WHOLE BUNCH.\\ FakeProwl: *pings back. the ping does not say anything. at least he's alive.* ItsyBitsySpyers: \\DUNNO 'BOUT NOTHIN' ELSE.\\ Fiasco: I am a unique specimen. *pause* In a manner of speaking. Fiasco: If we're talking in plain terms, I'm a failed science experiment, but "insecticon" has less syllables. Dart: He was getting a lot of migraines after that thing was installed. That's because his processor can't handle all these upgrades. FakeProwl: ((god i'm remembering cabin in the woods. what was the dude's name--the harbinger?)) Airachnid: I'm more along the lines of "a Allspark abnormality". Dart: [[ yeah ]] ItsyBitsySpyers: *Soundwave acknowledges. He trusts Prowl to message him if he needs something the Constructicons can't offer.* ItsyBitsySpyers: \\SO MAYBE HE BUSTED HISSELF. I AIN'T LEARNED HEAD STUFF.\\ Dart: If he'd busted himself, he'd be offline at least. Dart: The upgrade probably didn't help, but he was picking himself apart before that. Dart: Ever since he came through the bridge in a hurry and threw that tantrum. ItsyBitsySpyers: \\DUNNO 'BOUT NO TANTRUM.\\ ItsyBitsySpyers: \\HE BEEN PICKIN STUFF A LONG TIME THOUGH.\\ Dart: He came home one day and was furious... He almost broke the bridge. ItsyBitsySpyers: \\'N AIN'T NOBODY ASKED HIM HOW COME?\\ FakeProwl: @Soundwave «... Who's the Insecticon?» Fiasco: What is the name of this film? Airachnid: Children of the Corn. Airachnid: Whatever "corn" is. Fiasco: Hm. *fires up his datapad and starts typing carefully* Dart: We asked him. Well, I did. He didn't tell me. ItsyBitsySpyers: @Prowl: (txt): Self-identification: failed science experiment. Designation: Fiasco. Unrecognized. Dart: Right after he came back and calmed down, he said for us to find a ship. So... we found a ship. Airachnid: I hate religous zealots. Fiasco: It's a large grain plant, apparently. FakeProwl: *well. fiasco isn't bombshell.* Fiasco: I believe it's--*points at the screen* the stalks behind them. *holds his datapad up and looks between the two, verifying his identification* Fiasco: I can confirm that that is, in fact, corn. ItsyBitsySpyers: \\HE AIN'T SAID WHY A SHIP?\\ Airachnid: So it's a plant? [that would explain some things] Fiasco: *looks to her and nods* ItsyBitsySpyers: \\HOW COME THERE'S SO MUCH?\\ FakeProwl: *hesitantly flickers back on. hello, prowl is back.* Dart: Pit, I don't know. Fiasco: *looks back to his datapad. Scolls. After a few moments he speaks in that same, dull monotone*Corns are grown in great abundance because they';re used for food. Dart: We went onto the ship and he went ... he just went to town. Killed everyone. Dart: It was fun, but... well, he seemed angry.  Or something. ItsyBitsySpyers: *Ping hello. Quietly moves his fingers until they're bumping Prowl's hand. Hold needed?* FakeProwl: *hold accepted* Fiasco: *does more typing, and falls quiet as he reads* FakeProwl: *warily looks around for fias-- there he is. prowl's gonna keep him in the corner of his optic.* ItsyBitsySpyers: *Good. Laces their fingers tight and shifts his other arm as if he's getting comfortable. Mostly he's just putting it a little more in the way between them.* N O S: So, what are you researching? [breaks apart and reforms by Fiasco ] And how'd you get a hold of us? ItsyBitsySpyers: \\THAT'S A LOTTA FOOD FOR A LIL BUNCHA MINIMEATS.\\ N O S: Ugh, humans eat too much. ItsyBitsySpyers: *Soundwave glances at Dart.* ItsyBitsySpyers: [[What will you do if you cannot bring him around?]] Airachnid: Because they are not efficent enough to get much energy out of the things they consume. Fiasco: *looks up* There was a broadcast, on the multiversal data-net. Dart: [ blinks and looks over at Soundwave ] We... we don't know. Fiasco: I've never seen a film before, so I figured I would do that. N O S: Well, we do this once a week. N O S: I mean, /we/ don't, but Blurr does. He's our Captain. ItsyBitsySpyers: *Soundwave's free hand taps his leg twice while he thinks. He nods. For now.* Fiasco: *silently looks around* Fiasco: Which one of you ius Blurr? Airachnid: He's not here. Dart: He's... out right now. FakeProwl: *tries to refocus on the movie. free hand slides up to cover the back of his neck* Fiasco: Oh. Dart: But, he should be back soon. Dart: We hope. ItsyBitsySpyers: @Prowl: (txt): Hand. Unnecessary. Others will not touch in his presence. FakeProwl: @Soundwave «It helps.» Fiasco: At any rate, I think I am caught up. This is Burt and Vicky, and they are in Gatlin, correct? N O S: Yep. ItsyBitsySpyers: @Prowl: (txt): ...Understood. Other needs? Fiasco: *nods and sets his datapad down again* ItsyBitsySpyers: *He doesn't want others to figure out Prowl's thing but... if Prowl knows and wants his hand there still, he won't argue.* Dart: [ looks at Soundwave, then Frenzy ] Are you sure he didn't tell you anything? FakeProwl: *he slouches forward so his elbow's on his knee. looks more like he's rubbing a crick in his neck than anything.* FakeProwl: *... that's what he's going for, at least.* FakeProwl: @Soundwave «No needs now.» ItsyBitsySpyers: [[Nothing.]] ItsyBitsySpyers: \\SORRY.\\ Dart: [ frowns ] It's all right... Dart: [ rubs helm ] I just thought we could use some key words to snap him out of it. Fiasco: *tilts his head anc glances back Airachnid's way* You say you're part insecticon...? How did you manage to do that? Airachnid: I came out of the Allspark this way. Fiasco: "Allpsark"? ItsyBitsySpyers: *Catching up on the movie's a good distraction, right?* @Prowl: (txt): Murderous corn god cult confirmed. Corn deity guided initial murders. No human adults seen. ItsyBitsySpyers: Human assisting outsiders killed. Outsiders assigned death sentence. Airachnid: The Well of Allsparks, the source of all life on our Cybertron. Fiasco: Oh. Hmm. ...*pulls the datapad right up again* Airachnid: Our sparks rise from our planet's core and we eventually form our frames. ItsyBitsySpyers: [[Perhaps if you knew what put him there to start with. If you do not... then he does not know.]] FakeProwl: @Soundwave «Is there evidence that the "corn deity" actual exists? Or do we only know of its whims through its prophet? Fiasco: *nods absently; for the first time his masked has something close to an expression: he squints as he reads* Dart: He didn't say anything... He just locked himself in his room after the movies that night. Airachnid: To be quite honest, no one really knows why mecha like myself are formed. Some say it's what happens when an Insecticon spark and a normal spark merge while rising in the Well. ItsyBitsySpyers: @Prowl: (txt): Corn deity - [][][]He Who Walks Behind the Rows[][][] - known only through prophet, rapid cloud movement. Fiasco: *sets the datapad down again* I don't think we have one of those, where I'm from. That's interesting. N O S: We don't , either. ItsyBitsySpyers: *Records that bit Airachnid just said. He's never heard that. Fascinating* FakeProwl: *half-listening to the Insecticon's conversation. great, there's a universe where Insecticons occur naturally.* ItsyBitsySpyers: *Of course they do.* FakeProwl: *sounds awful* ItsyBitsySpyers: [[Room logs checked?]] Airachnid: [she's happy to inform] Dart: He never left his room after that night. Dart: And the history of the bridge only showed two destinations. ItsyBitsySpyers: [[Negative. Voice logs.]] Fiasco: *holds his datapad with one primary hand and starts to type with his secondary limbs* Thank you for sharing that. Dart: His comm was disconnected. ItsyBitsySpyers: *Shakes helm. Damn it, Blurr.* Dart: [ frowns ] He didn't visit or call anyone. But, Roadbuster came over one night. Dart: That was it, though. That was before he really locked himself up. ItsyBitsySpyers: [[Question Roadbuster.]] Dart: He didn't do anything. ItsyBitsySpyers: [[For what he heard.]] Dart: That Blurr was just feeling down. Dart: Sometimes he gets in these moods. I thought it was just one of his moods. Fiasco: ...do corns do that? ItsyBitsySpyers: @Fiasco: [[You are... a scientist? A historian?]] N O S: Do what, make fuel? ItsyBitsySpyers: \\DUNNO. I NEVER BEEN IN CORNS.\\ Fiasco: *blinks and swivels his helm about, looking for the source of the comm* @Soundwave: I am just me, for now. Fiasco: ((THE C O R N   B O W L )) FakeProwl: *he's looking this way. hand tightens on neck.* ItsyBitsySpyers: *Tugs slightly closer. The Insecticon does not approach.* Airachnid: So it's a youngling cult that involve the corn plant? Fiasco: @Soundwave: What about you? ItsyBitsySpyers: [[It would seem so. They do not allow themselves to live past their youngling years.]] FakeProwl: *prowl knows. he still doesn't like those beady yellow optics on him* Airachnid: Then how do they repopulate? Fiasco: ((ofg that last kid)) ItsyBitsySpyers: [[They are younglings. Perhaps they have not thought that far ahead.]] N O S: Maybe they don't. N O S: Better for us, really. Humans shouldn't reproduce. Airachnid: That is true. ItsyBitsySpyers: @Fiasco: [[An observer. That is his only question for now.]] N O S: How stupid of a system, though. N O S: They kill them when they get older? But, then there's no point- sooner or later, no one will be alive. Airachnid: It is indeed foolish. ItsyBitsySpyers: [[The eldest seemed content to perish. They may not care.]] Airachnid: They are most likely conditioned to think that way, doesn't make it any less foolish. Fiasco: *nods to Soundwave ad returns his attention to the screen, still typing, even as he speaks* I would guess they do not care if they all die; they believe that something is waiting for them in the corn. Fiasco: It's possible they don't think they die--or also, possible something IS waiting for them. Airachnid: Something is waiting for them: the buzzards. Fiasco: ... *immediately begins to look up the word "buzzard"* N O S: That runt is annoying Airachnid: He is indeed irksome. N O S: All of them are, honestly. Fiasco: *approximately two minutes after she makes the joke, he gives a little laugh* Airachnid: But, he is getting what he deserves. Airachnid: [preening] Airachnid: It's like listening to Starscream. ItsyBitsySpyers: \\HA!\\ FakeProwl: *snorts* N O S: It's like listening to anyone. ItsyBitsySpyers: [[Not everyone.]] Fiasco: I don't sound like that. FakeProwl: ((did it go black?)) Airachnid: yeah)) N O S: (( yep. LS dropped )) Sideswipe: ((yup Fiasco: ((DURN)) Fiasco: ((wait i hear a thing)) FakeProwl: ((i hear wind)) N O S: (( its paused now so. )) N O S: back for anyone? )) FakeProwl: ((clearly LS didn't drop, it's just nighttime 0u0)) FakeProwl: ((there it is!)) N O S: [[ mmm nope its still dropping ]] Airachnid: ye)) Fiasco: ((I see a paused screen!)) FakeProwl: ((same)) N O S: (( is it working?) Airachnid: same)) N O S: (( SIGH its not is it? ) Fiasco: ((sound is running, video is choppy, but that;s probably me)) FakeProwl: ((same here)) N O S: (( no it's LS. )) N O S: (( It's dropping. )) FakeProwl: ... Hm. So there IS something out there. N O S: (( LS come the fuuck on. )) Fiasco: *nods* Airachnid: Hmm, strange. N O S: omfg it won't stop dropping. ]] Fiasco: ((LIVESTREAM)) N O S: [[ dude tthere's only20 minutes left come on ]] Airachnid: LS you nugget work)) N O S: is it back for you guys? ] Airachnid: no)) N O S: (( refresh. )) FakeProwl: ((there it is)) Airachnid: I see it!)) Fiasco: ((I see it!)) N O S: ((... wow. ) Sideswipe: there it is)) N O S: (( I hit play and it starts dropping )) Airachnid: I... Fiasco: ...this is significantly less menacing than I think the filmmakers perhaps intended. *points* Airachnid: Well then. FakeProwl: *the hand that was on his neck is now over his mouth* FakeProwl: *it just—it took off. fwoosh. corn rocket.* ItsyBitsySpyers: \\HUH. THEY SAID THEY WAS TURNIN' THE CORN INTO FUEL.\\ ItsyBitsySpyers: \\GUESS THEY MUSTA FIGURED OUT HOW.\\ Fiasco: *another very little laugh* FakeProwl: ((oh so THAT'S why his voice was so high. so you could tell when it dropped.)) Airachnid: That certainly is... something. Sideswipe: -hasn't been paying attention- So...that was...? Fiasco: Again *points* I am not an expert on films, but that seems humorous rather than horrific. I do not feel particularly horrified, in this moment. Airachnid: It does seem silly. Airachnid: But it is indeed humorous. FakeProwl: *slides hand back to his neck* ItsyBitsySpyers: *Tiny squeeze.* FakeProwl: *squeezes back* FakeProwl: ((rude, tearing off that kid's clothes)) FakeProwl: ((tear your OWN clothes, lady)) FakeProwl: ((corn stalks: *gently whap*)) Fiasco: ((PFFF)) Airachnid: ...can plants move on their own like that? Fiasco: ...again. Airachnid: it is very silly but so f*cking funny)) FakeProwl: ... Perhaps they should get out of the field before setting it on fire? N O S: They're horrible at making explosives. Fiasco: That would be wise. Airachnid: Humans are not that bright... Fiasco: Especially given prior evidence that the corns can and will grab them, and retrain them. Fiasco: *restrain ItsyBitsySpyers: [[Perhaps He Who Walks Behind the Rows should have chosen a less flammable manifestation.]] Airachnid: Even human MONSTERS are dim. Sideswipe: -snorts- N O S: Not all of them are that dumb. N O S: humans just like to make themselves the heroes N O S: [ SNORT ] Whirl: F-for a moment I thought the music was for the corn stalk inside the vehicle. Fiasco: And it was going to get them. FakeProwl: ((whirl returns)) ItsyBitsySpyers: [[What a strange film.]] Fiasco: ((WHIRL BACK)) Sideswipe: -more snorting laughter- Airachnid: "Strange" is one way to describe it. Fiasco: I have very little basis for comparison, but I must agree. N O S: Well, that was weird. ItsyBitsySpyers: [[Evil fue...]] Considers that. [[No. He supposes that part makes sense.]] ItsyBitsySpyers: [[The rest is odd.]] Fiasco: Are all "horror" films this strange? *looks to NOS and Dart* N O S: No, some are really good. Dart: I'm afraid the Captain makes the best choices. Fiasco: You said your Captain was sick, didn't you? Dart: He's... ah. I mean, he's... - N O S: He's brain dead. [ huffs] How was that hard to say? Dart: [ B( ] Fiasco: Oh. My condolences. FakeProwl: *oh. good news.* Dart: He's gonna get better. Airachnid: [that was a very blunt delivery] N O S: Unfortunately. He'll come out of it. Fiasco: ...I wasn't aware brain deat was a condition one could recover from. N O S: It's a skill. He's a roach. ItsyBitsySpyers: *Ugh. Roaches.* Fiasco: *antennae perk up* He's an Insecticon? ItsyBitsySpyers: *Shakes his helm slightly. For Primus' sake.* N O S: No, he's... well. He looks like a monster, if that helps. Fiasco: *considers this* Hm. It does not. FakeProwl: *... hand squeeze. no reason.* Dart: Maybe you can meet him next time. ItsyBitsySpyers: *Oh? Returns it. Almost imperceptible glance in Prowl's direction.* Fiasco: Perhaps. I don't know that I'll be able to come back anytime soon; it was convenient, for now. But I appreciate your implied invitation to return. N O S: He's all stitched up in the face. N O S: And he has sharp teeth. He's a weird one. Dart: Not that we're normal. FakeProwl: *except for the hand on his neck, looks pretty much neutral* Fiasco: My teeth, when I had them, were sharp; I don't see the point of flat teeth. N O S: You know, I bet I could look like a bug... ItsyBitsySpyers: *Doesn't know what's weird about sharp teeth, hmph.* Airachnid: [likewise] N O S: [ studying Fiasco ] N O S: Can't be that hard. ItsyBitsySpyers: @Prowl: (txt): ...Avatar time in safer place wanted after business concluded? Should not attend site disturbed. Fiasco: *stares back with that same, flat, Permanently Bored expression* ItsyBitsySpyers: *He doesn't know how long Prowl has before the shift starts. If he has to go straight from this to more discomfort...* N O S: When we combine, we have four arms. Dart: Combining is not fun for me when it's with YOU. FakeProwl: @Soundwave «I'll only have a few minutes.» ItsyBitsySpyers: *Quick thoughts. Many of them.* Fiasco: I have a minimum of six limbs, a maximum of eight, actually. Abnd... you're a comibiner? Fiasco: (COMIBINER) N O S: Not... naturally. N O S: Probably doesn't work like normal. ItsyBitsySpyers: @Dart: [[-Certify- brain module death. If any signs visible, contact.]] ItsyBitsySpyers: *Tugs Prowl's hand up. Come on. He'll give you those few minutes, at least.* Dart: @Soundwave: :: Uh, you mean comm you? Uhm, we'll try? :: Fiasco: *folds his hands on top of his datapad, which is in his lap* Allow me to assure you that I don't have a terribly firm preconceived notion for what is and isn't "normal." N O S: Well, good. [smirks and leans on the couch ]  We don't like normal. ItsyBitsySpyers: @Dart: [[Correct. Frenzy and Ravage will find him if he is unavailable.]] Dart: @Soundwave: :: Uhm, all right. :: FakeProwl: *small nod* @Soundwave «I'll see you at the bar?» Airachnid: I never liked the word "normal" to be fair. ItsyBitsySpyers: @Prowl: (txt): Affirmative. N O S: That's what Blurr's all about. Throwing aside what's normal and working with everything that isn't N O S: Normal is an ugly word. FakeProwl: *nod. flickers and disappears* Fiasco: I have no strong feelings regarding it, one way or the other. N O S: [ shrugs ] Good. Fiasco: But, it is good to know that, in case I come to visit again. Thank you for the interesting film. ItsyBitsySpyers: *Taps Frenzy, docks, and nods to the others. Excuses himself quietly.* N O S: Oh, sure. We aim to please. Airachnid: Oh do come by again sometime. Dart: For our Captain's sake. I'm sure he'd like you to come back. Sideswipe: ...Right. I gotta go now. But thanks for the film. Dart: [ wave ] Fiasco: *stands and nods to Airachnid* It was nice to meet you. There are very few of my kind left, so it's always... somewhat refreshing, to see another. Sideswipe: ((thanks for the stream, scooting off now Airachnid: [a smile and nod] Airachnid: Farewell. Dart: (( welcome! )) Fiasco: *bows at the waist to her, and then addresses the room* Goodbye. Fiasco: *and he is gone* Dart: [ waves] Airachnid: [she looks around before climbing out of the hammock] N O S: Well, let's shut down, yeah? We gotta go check on the carrot. Dart: ... [ embarrassed noise ] Don't call him that. Airachnid: I need to get going as well. Until next time. Dart: Goodbye! [ wave ] Airachnid: [nods before sneaking off]

#chat

[1nebest]

Nintendo Labo review

Nintendo Labo review

I’m here to tell you first-hand: Nintendo Labo is no joke. I’m a grown-up human person, who has spent many hours of his life building things: office furniture, websites, a model of the Batmobile from the 1989 Tim Burton movie. In the fourth grade, I attempted to build Mission Santa Barbara out of sugar cubes. It didn’t go great, but the point (I’m told) is that I tried.

We’re talking multiple decades of building things. Following instructions, backtracking, trying again. I’m sure there are all sorts of valuable lessons I learned along the way; self-discipline, patience, teamwork, why sugar is not a structurally sound building material. But event with all of that building under my wisened belt, Nintendo Labo is no walk in the park.

It’s literal child’s play. It says right there, on the box, “6+.” I’ve been six-plus for — let’s just say… a while now. And yet, it took me around two hours this morning to build a cardboard piano. Now I’ve got a table full of scraps, a small paper cut on my ring finger and a surprise sense of accomplishment. Oh, and the piano is pretty cool, too.

Labo is one of the most fascinating products to come across my desk in recent memory. It’s unique, bizarre and as frustrating as it is fun. In other words, it’s uniquely Nintendo — not so much out-of-the-box thinking as it is the actual box. It’s a product that’s built entirely around the premise of making kids sit still, follow instructions and fold the heck out of some cardboard. And, strangely, it totally works.

Hook, line and sinker

I wouldn’t have been my first choice to review Labo, but I was uniquely qualified, if only for the half a day I spent getting walked through the construction kit with a room full of brightly dressed and infectiously enthusiastic Nintendo employees. That experience served as the foundation for our hands on, as we were broken up into small teams and walked through a pair of increasingly complex projects.

We started with the race cars, the box’s introductory project, which is really as much about getting you used to the strange world of Labo. But even that small starter is a glimpse of the cleverness contained throughout, as the cardboard-wrapped Joy-Cons use their own haptic feedback to propel forward, as you control its speed via the touchscreen. Because there are a pair of Joy-Cons for every Switch, you can use them to race against one another.

The second hands-on project felt like a considerable step up. Nintendo puts the fishing rod’s build time at one-and-a-half to two-and-a-half hours, versus the cars’ 20 minutes total. In other words, find a comfortable spot, maybe put on some music and make sure you’re hydrated. When it’s done, however, you get a working reel with a string and a rod that vibrates when you catch a fish on screen. Pretty neat.

Having accomplished those in a well-supervised room full of Nintendo employees a few weeks back, I naturally took on the most complex project of the bunch.

Keys to the kingdom

The piano should take two-and-a-half to three-and-a-half hours, by Nintendo’s estimates. I built the thing in about two hours — an accomplishment of sorts for a grown-up person who was supposed to be working. Even so, it reflects just how large of a time sink these projects are. That’s certainly good news for parents looking for the ideal project for a rainy day. It’s a clever little play that leverages a video game system to get them to do something other than play video games. Neat trick, Nintendo.

The primary set is a big, flat and heavy box with 28 cardboard sheets, comprising six different projects. There’s a plastic bag inside, too, containing a random assortment of knick knacks — rubber bands, reflective stickers, washers — all of which will come in handy down the road. There’s no real instruction booklet, because the Switch is going to do all of the heavy lifting there.

The screen walks you through the process of building, one patient step a time. The touchscreen instructions are superior to paper in a number of ways, including a number of animated videos showing off the motions of properly working components, and the ability to pivot the camera angles to get a full 360-degree view of the build. You can rewind if you need to back up, or fast-forward when things get repetitive — like they did with the piano’s 13 keys.

Cardbored?

Don’t go too fast, though. The kit tosses some curve balls at you — as in the case of some tabs that are folded inward, to double as springs. That, however, is the one constant. Folding. So, so much folding. Honestly, it gets pretty tedious on the longer projects. The instructions actually make light of this fact, from time to time, with little quips about the repetition. It also recommends stepping away before a particularly grueling section — probably the right move for both your sanity and health.

Once you get into the rhythm, however, it’s strangely meditative. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold.

Congratulations, you’ve completely 1/6 steps.

I’d say it’s not the destination, it’s the journey, but honestly, it’s really about the destination here. The most satisfying part in all of this was how seemingly abstract shapes lock into place and create a fully formed object. These little kits are truly remarkable feats of engineering in their own right, and in the case of the piano, it’s incredible satisfying to see the object completed — and actually get to play the keys, recognizing the role each individual piece plays in the whole creation.

There are so many smart touches here, from the incorporation of the Joy-Cons, to the use of reflective tape, which triggers the Switch’s built in cameras. It’s that functionality that makes the piano keys play notes through the Switch itself. It also triggers the arms and legs on the robot through a set of pulleys.

It’s equally relieving the moment you realize you did everything right. Though I still had a few instances where I found myself having to backtrack multiple steps, because I’d missed a fold or turned something the wrong way. Also, as the instructions note, folding is at the heart of the project. A bad or incomplete fold can lead to heartbreak at the end. So fold, children. Fold like your lives depend on it.

Building stories

Companies that make coding toys will usually tell you the same thing: it ultimately doesn’t matter that they’re not built in some universal programming language, so long as they teach the fundamentals. The jury is still out on all that, as far as I’m concerned, but I think there’s a lot to be said for a product that’s capable of fostering curiosity and love in some bigger idea. That, I think, is the biggest appeal of Labo. It encourages kids to step outside the console for a minute and build something with their hands.

Does building a Labo piano or fishing rod make you any more qualified to create the real thing? Not really, but it does help foster a genuine interest in the way things work. A maker friend of mine recently related a story to me about how she got into the culture. Her parents came home one day and she had disassembled and reassembled a computer, in order to install a component. From then on, she told me, they came to her for computer help.

Every maker has a story like that — a first step that often involves tearing down a computer or clock or toaster, piece by piece. Labo potentially affords the ability to explore that path without destroying some antique clock in the process. (Though, if it’s successful with your kids, I’d keep a close eye on your piano, if you have one at home.) Parental guidance is also recommended for the more complex projects, making for a great opportunity to bond with kids through creation with a side of frustration. And when you’re done, you’ve got a lovely object that looks like it stepped out of the panels of Calvin & Hobbes.

If your kids don’t have the passion to build — they’ll also learn that lesson pretty quickly. Many kids simply won’t have the patience to sit still and fold for hours on end. It’s also worth pointing out that the objects, when finished, are fragile. They are cardboard, after all. Water is their mortal enemy, and rowdy kids are a close second — pieces can easily rip or tear, even accidentally during the building process. Thankfully, the company has started selling pieces individually.

Of course, $70 isn’t an insignificant amount to pay to find all of that out. And by just about any measure, it’s a pretty steep premium for what amounts to a cardboard box full of cardboard. And, of course, that doesn’t factor in the price of the Switch itself.

But what the kit does afford is continual discovery. From there, kids can graduate to the massive Robot Kit (saving that one for a rainy weekend), which runs $80 and features a complex pulley system and a fun little game where you’re a mech trampling some poor, defenseless city. Even more compelling (and significantly less expensive), however, is Toy-Con Garage.

Built into the variety pack, the portal lets kids remix and hack creations, offering a breaking down of the technologies involved. If there’s a gateway to the wonderful world of making in this box, it’s this. The pre-determined kits are as much a lesson in following instructions as they are building. Toy-Con Garage, on the other hand, opens the door to true creativity.

Labo is the most bizarre, creative and uniquely Nintendo product since the Switch itself. It’s not for every kid — that much is certain. And the $70 fee will make it cost prohibitive for many parents. But those who take to it will do so like ducks to water — and hopefully won’t get that cardboard wet in the process.

[medproish]

I’m here to tell you first-hand: Nintendo Labo is no joke. I’m a grown-up human person, who has spent many hours of his life building things: office furniture, websites, a model of the Batmobile from the 1989 Tim Burton movie. In the fourth grade, I attempted to build Mission Santa Barbara out of sugar cubes. It didn’t go great, but the point (I’m told) is that I tried.

We’re talking multiple decades of building things. Following instructions, backtracking, trying again. I’m sure there are all sorts of valuable lessons I learned along the way; self-discipline, patience, teamwork, why sugar is not a structurally sound building material. But event with all of that building under my wisened belt, Nintendo Labo is no walk in the park.

It’s literal child’s play. It says right there, on the box, “6+.” I’ve been six-plus for — let’s just say… a while now. And yet, it took me around two hours this morning to build a cardboard piano. Now I’ve got a table full of scraps, a small paper cut on my ring finger and a surprise sense of accomplishment. Oh, and the piano is pretty cool, too.

Labo is one of the most fascinating products to come across my desk in recent memory. It’s unique, bizarre and as frustrating as it is fun. In other words, it’s uniquely Nintendo — not so much out-of-the-box thinking as it is the actual box. It’s a product that’s built entirely around the premise of making kids sit still, follow instructions and fold the heck out of some cardboard. And, strangely, it totally works.

Hook, line and sinker

I wouldn’t have been my first choice to review Labo, but I was uniquely qualified, if only for the half a day I spent getting walked through the construction kit with a room full of brightly dressed and infectiously enthusiastic Nintendo employees. That experience served as the foundation for our hands on, as we were broken up into small teams and walked through a pair of increasingly complex projects.

We started with the race cars, the box’s introductory project, which is really as much about getting you used to the strange world of Labo. But even that small starter is a glimpse of the cleverness contained throughout, as the cardboard-wrapped Joy-Cons use their own haptic feedback to propel forward, as you control its speed via the touchscreen. Because there are a pair of Joy-Cons for every Switch, you can use them to race against one another.

The second hands-on project felt like a considerable step up. Nintendo puts the fishing rod’s build time at one-and-a-half to two-and-a-half hours, versus the cars’ 20 minutes total. In other words, find a comfortable spot, maybe put on some music and make sure you’re hydrated. When it’s done, however, you get a working reel with a string and a rod that vibrates when you catch a fish on screen. Pretty neat.

Having accomplished those in a well-supervised room full of Nintendo employees a few weeks back, I naturally took on the most complex project of the bunch.

Keys to the kingdom

The piano should take two-and-a-half to three-and-a-half hours, by Nintendo’s estimates. I built the thing in about two hours — an accomplishment of sorts for a grown-up person who was supposed to be working. Even so, it reflects just how large of a time sink these projects are. That’s certainly good news for parents looking for the ideal project for a rainy day. It’s a clever little play that leverages a video game system to get them to do something other than play video games. Neat trick, Nintendo.

The primary set is a big, flat and heavy box with 28 cardboard sheets, comprising six different projects. There’s a plastic bag inside, too, containing a random assortment of knick knacks — rubber bands, reflective stickers, washers — all of which will come in handy down the road. There’s no real instruction booklet, because the Switch is going to do all of the heavy lifting there.

The screen walks you through the process of building, one patient step a time. The touchscreen instructions are superior to paper in a number of ways, including a number of animated videos showing off the motions of properly working components, and the ability to pivot the camera angles to get a full 360-degree view of the build. You can rewind if you need to back up, or fast-forward when things get repetitive — like they did with the piano’s 13 keys.

Cardbored?

Don’t go too fast, though. The kit tosses some curve balls at you — as in the case of some tabs that are folded inward, to double as springs. That, however, is the one constant. Folding. So, so much folding. Honestly, it gets pretty tedious on the longer projects. The instructions actually make light of this fact, from time to time, with little quips about the repetition. It also recommends stepping away before a particularly grueling section — probably the right move for both your sanity and health.

Once you get into the rhythm, however, it’s strangely meditative. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold. Tap, fold.

Congratulations, you’ve completely 1/6 steps.

I’d say it’s not the destination, it’s the journey, but honestly, it’s really about the destination here. The most satisfying part in all of this was how seemingly abstract shapes lock into place and create a fully formed object. These little kits are truly remarkable feats of engineering in their own right, and in the case of the piano, it’s incredible satisfying to see the object completed — and actually get to play the keys, recognizing the role each individual piece plays in the whole creation.

There are so many smart touches here, from the incorporation of the Joy-Cons, to the use of reflective tape, which triggers the Switch’s built in cameras. It’s that functionality that makes the piano keys play notes through the Switch itself. It also triggers the arms and legs on the robot through a set of pulleys.

It’s equally relieving the moment you realize you did everything right. Though I still had a few instances where I found myself having to backtrack multiple steps, because I’d missed a fold or turned something the wrong way. Also, as the instructions note, folding is at the heart of the project. A bad or incomplete fold can lead to heartbreak at the end. So fold, children. Fold like your lives depend on it.

Building stories

Companies that make coding toys will usually tell you the same thing: it ultimately doesn’t matter that they’re not built in some universal programming language, so long as they teach the fundamentals. The jury is still out on all that, as far as I’m concerned, but I think there’s a lot to be said for a product that’s capable of fostering curiosity and love in some bigger idea. That, I think, is the biggest appeal of Labo. It encourages kids to step outside the console for a minute and build something with their hands.

Does building a Labo piano or fishing rod make you any more qualified to create the real thing? Not really, but it does help foster a genuine interest in the way things work. A maker friend of mine recently related a story to me about how she got into the culture. Her parents came home one day and she had disassembled and reassembled a computer, in order to install a component. From then on, she told me, they came to her for computer help.

Every maker has a story like that — a first step that often involves tearing down a computer or clock or toaster, piece by piece. Labo potentially affords the ability to explore that path without destroying some antique clock in the process. (Though, if it’s successful with your kids, I’d keep a close eye on your piano, if you have one at home.) Parental guidance is also recommended for the more complex projects, making for a great opportunity to bond with kids through creation with a side of frustration. And when you’re done, you’ve got a lovely object that looks like it stepped out of the panels of Calvin & Hobbes.

If your kids don’t have the passion to build — they’ll also learn that lesson pretty quickly. Many kids simply won’t have the patience to sit still and fold for hours on end. It’s also worth pointing out that the objects, when finished, are fragile. They are cardboard, after all. Water is their mortal enemy, and rowdy kids are a close second — pieces can easily rip or tear, even accidentally during the building process. Thankfully, the company has started selling pieces individually.

Of course, $70 isn’t an insignificant amount to pay to find all of that out. And by just about any measure, it’s a pretty steep premium for what amounts to a cardboard box full of cardboard. And, of course, that doesn’t factor in the price of the Switch itself.

But what the kit does afford is continual discovery. From there, kids can graduate to the massive Robot Kit (saving that one for a rainy weekend), which runs $80 and features a complex pulley system and a fun little game where you’re a mech trampling some poor, defenseless city. Even more compelling (and significantly less expensive), however, is Toy-Con Garage.

Built into the variety pack, the portal lets kids remix and hack creations, offering a breaking down of the technologies involved. If there’s a gateway to the wonderful world of making in this box, it’s this. The pre-determined kits are as much a lesson in following instructions as they are building. Toy-Con Garage, on the other hand, opens the door to true creativity.

Labo is the most bizarre, creative and uniquely Nintendo product since the Switch itself. It’s not for every kid — that much is certain. And the $70 fee will make it cost prohibitive for many parents. But those who take to it will do so like ducks to water — and hopefully won’t get that cardboard wet in the process.

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