#mostly because i couldn't find good lists online but
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I've been wanting to try making my own pizza for a while now and this is the result! I made the dough myself using a simple recipe online, but the sauce, cheese, and pepperoni were store bought. the dough turned out really good, although next time I think I'd like to add more seasoning to it - I couldn't taste much of the garlic or basil, probably because the recipe I followed listed them as optional ingredients and only called for very small quantities. I might even try to make cheese-stuffed crust next time. the cheese was mostly mozzarella, but I grated some parmesan on top as well. I'd like to try adding more varieties of cheese for even more flavor. it'd be fun to make my own sauce as well, although that might have to wait until tomatoes are in season again, since the ones I'm finding at the store aren't the greatest quality recently.
all things considered, I'd say this was a success! it was a lot better AND cheaper than ordering from a pizza restaurant. maybe I should look into cheesy bread recipes too so I can have a delicious side dish next time. how exciting :3
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Hi! Saw your post about commissioners using AI as a skeevy way to get cheap fully-rendered art from artists (thank you for spreading the info btw! Deeply concerning the ways these AI programs are being used to make an already difficult field of work even harder 🥲).
But it also got me thinking a bit about TOS's and pricing your work, particularly commercial work... I'm in the process of preparing to open up for commissions for the first time in years myself, and was wondering if you had any advice/resources for putting together a professional looking TOS and figuring out how to handle commercial licensing? I know this stuff tends to be super regional, but it's so hard to find consistent information online on the topics 😞
I can only tell you how I handle it. :) For normal commissions, do feel free to copy whichever part of my TOS you think will work for you from my private commission info. If you're not Swiss, the last line on the page won't be usable.
A lot of doing art and illustration commissions is trial and error. I know it was for me. Tons of mistakes and hopefully not repeating them.
For pricing, a friend told me two things that stuck with me and helped deciding on prices since then.
First thing she told me is that exclusive rights for a simple caricature for a newspaper go for USD 800.- and up. Mind ya, she said that YEARS ago. And prices change. But if a simple black and white doodle goes for USD 800.-, don't sell exclusive rights to your full colour A4+ artwork for less.
If in doubt, don't sell your exclusive rights at all. Most clients don't need them and if someone tells you they will give you USD 25.- and a voucher for -10% off their own product for it, tell them to fuck off.
People will try. And you will learn to say no.
The second important pricing tip I got from said friend: decide on a price that makes it easy for you to let go. If you regret having sold it, the price was not high enough.
Most companies have their own contracts and their own price lists. It helps if you are able to adjust your work to their budget and deadline.
Read the contracts carefully, don't skim anything, only sign them when you understand them. Especially US-contracts have a lot of complicated looking clauses in them, like the Indemnification clause. If they tell you that a clause is just there and you don't need to understand it, you can sign the contract as it is: run.
Most clients won't actually need or even want exclusive rights, simple print licenses will be enough for them. A rough over-the-thumb minimum pay would be around CHF 200.- to 250.- per work day.
I will add a third point here:
If you really want something to exist and be a part of it, then do it. Have fun. We mostly regret the things we never tried and never did. And if you only do things for the money and don't get paid, it leaves you with nothing (my thanks to Neil Gaiman and his commencement speech "Make Good Art").
Some of my most amazing commissions were orders from people who couldn't pay a lot, but were awesome individuals with fantastic ideas. And I don't regret a second of the work I put into those commissions. But THAT is your decision. And purely yours. Don't let people tell you what to be exited about.
Maybe the thing you will be exited about is a kid that wants to pay you three shiny rocks for a drawing of their super hero princess cat wizard.
And you will make it the fucking best super hero princess cat wizard for one of the rocks, because you don't want the kid to have no shiny rocks anymore~. <3
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Listen, Overtarn babies, Rampage and Transmutate, are concepts I didn't know I needed until now. And yes, I'm adding Transmutate because I think her getting to grow up with her murder brother and murder mom is great. Just the concept of Tarn and Overlord hate fucking on the regular. The Decepticons have a standing children are a no unless you've got permission which Overlord doesn't care about but he feels oddly attached and when he gets ready to go to a medic to report it changes his mind. He and Tarn keep fucking but it has a weird thoughtful edge that makes Tarn suspicious especially since Overlord has been strangely obedient which is putting everyone on edge.
Soundwave finds out when he starts hearing a small beep of developing processor starting to prepare to come online very, very late term. Overlord is ordered to report in.
He fucks off instead with his, still alive at this point, carry on Trepan who is judging his life choices loudly while also grudgingly mentioning Autobot doctors who were trained. Overlord arrives on a station that is unremarkable except that Ratchet is there training people. Everyone freaks out until Overlord grins and surrenders coming in quietly to the medical staff. Ratchet eventually does a medical checkup after they finish doing intake for Trepan, who he has left Pharma to fuss over and trying not to be too obvious that Trepan was one person he could have done without a miraculous survival especially since he'd sneered at Ratchet when he left to do intake on the prisoner with a "good luck" before going back to sweet faced for Pharma.
Ratchet then has to deal with Overlord finds out he's carrying, the first carrying he's seen in a million years, and horrified realizes what he had been tricked into while immediately calling Ultra Magnus and Thunderclash to get support and prisoner status switched to asylum seeker and him listed as his patient not a surrender. Thunderclash helps by arriving to show suitable manpower is standing nearby ready and Magnus is in pain, but the rules are clear, so when Prowl shows up Ratchet is ready.
He hates all of this.
Tarn, meanwhile, is dealing with a Dear John Letter Overlord left him informing him of the impending paternity, their break up, and that Overlord is keeping them. Which was mostly sent to fuck with him as a last hurrah. It clearly states Tarn couldn't be trusted to not give into Megatron’s whim but now Tarn is freaking out because he's having "seditious thoughts" as his first urge is to keep it and beg a boon of Megatron already going through all the arguments for it and planning to drag Overlord to the Turanny before he gets to the defection part.
Tarn is emotionally compromised while Overlord gets peek medical care and a show.
Omg yes
Yes on Overlord making the best-worst decisions here
Yes on Tarn Wondering about a future with Overlord and the sparklets
Yes on Trepan just. Being here, yes he's in on this mess too.
Soundwave: uhhh yeah you need to tell Megatron you're pregnant
Overlord: how bout go fuck yourself instead :3
Ovey had to have freaked the fuck out of the autobots, he hadddd to have
ohhh poor poor ratty
#maccadam#transformers#overlord has opinions on all of this#mtmte overlord#mtmte tarn#rampage#transmutate#others too#Tarn's having shrimp emotions over here freaking the fuck out
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Hi! I've been a long time reader of your works and we have like 3 fandoms in common (jjk, yuri on ice, mcu) which is the Dream for an average fic reader like me. Thank you for putting all these out to see. I love the way you write, it really pulls me in no matter the genre. Your mind is amazing.
On to the questions:
1.I kind of want to start writing myself, do you any advice for a beginner?
2.On average, for how long are you into fandoms? How much time does it take for the brainrot to take root in your mind?
3.What kind of media do you usually enjoy?
I hope I didn't bother you. Please stay healthy and safe!
That's delightful on my end too! Love seeing cross-fandom readers. And thanks so much ❤️
1. The advice I have is mostly social and technical. In terms of the writing itself, all the reading you do is likely to give you an idea of what you want to write and how to go about it, and practice will refine the process.
Given the fandoms you've listed, you're likely already familiar with how rancid fandom spaces can get. This depends on your disposition, but being braced to deal with shitheads is important, whether that comes in the form of puriteens or entitled assholes without a brain-to-fingers filter. This is mostly a case of "do as I say, not as I do" because *gestures* you know what my online presence is like, but I'd recommend the following:
(a) Make an account just for writing that's entirely divorced from any and all IRL information or even previous fandom shenanigans. It reduces chances of people digging through your history and other such demented things.
(b) Block liberally and, failing that, be enough of a dick that people will think twice about picking a fight—the more accommodating you are, the more these fuckers will act like sharks scenting blood. There's a reason I stopped accepting tag requests, slapped CNTW on everything, and generally adopted a "my way or the highway" stance toward everything I post. The alternative isn't worth it. YMMV, of course.
(c) Write whatever you want however you want, and don't show an ounce of shame or guilt. Even if you feel it, don't show it. Fake it till you make it. Like above, it's safer than the alternative.
The technical advice is to get a copy of the Chicago Manual of Style; there's an online version, a paper version, and also good old pirating. It may look intimidating, but it's got a beautifully indexed list of damn near every grammar and punctuation element (and a lot of other stuff). I started using it for work, and while I'm way more lax with my own writing than I am with editing, the CMOS still did wonders for my general understanding of the technical side of creative writing.
2. It varies based on a bunch of factors, but my usual pattern is to spend several months just reading while the obsession grows stronger and stronger, to the point I start getting ideas. And we know what happens when I get ideas 🤣. I generally don't stay in a fandom for more than a year. But there are exceptions! I was in the MCU for some three years. I started writing for JJK less than a month after watching it (though this is mostly because I couldn't find much to read—not because fics were low in number but because I was and am extremely picky), and I'm rapidly approaching my 1.5-year mark.
3. A mix of things, but so far, fantasy is the most common theme across various media. I enjoy most subgenres of it too.
And absolutely no bother! I had fun answering, though I may have gone overboard with #1. I feel a little protective of new writers these days because I keep seeing so much vile shit happening online.
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I have nonstop been thinking about the newest chapter of AU for a few hours and now its officially Brain Rot hours (1 am).
Sun and Moon getting transferred because of a promotion to get more money to help out their brother is something I absolutely love! The boys having to move out and Robin learns of their identities is just icing on the cake.
But I raise you this:
Instead of a young couple moving in, its Eclipse.
Eclipse had been wanting to pay a visit to his brothers after being away for so long that he begged for a transfer to their building that he got under the condition of doing a big secret project along with being unable to transfer back for a few months.
Sun and Moon are unaware that Eclipse has been transferred and Eclipse is unaware of the two's promotion.
Eclipse is sad to not see his brothers and struggling to find a place to live only to see Robin's listing for a tenant/resident (idk how it works/what it's called).
Robin is shocked to see another celestial animatronic but doesn't turn them away. Maybe Eclipse mentions his failing battery and that this place is his best bet at safe traveling to and from work; not to mention that because of the battery his work hours constantly change. Robin agrees because maybe this will help them overcome their sadness of the boys (it doesn't but hey new friend maybe).
A week later Robin is at work and catches on to whispers of a new lab guy and decides to visit the sector to see how good this new tech is (maybe they can get an upgrade they couldn't do themselves) only to see Eclipse making another explosion of a prototype.
Eclipse is so proud of their little explosion writing down his findings only to see Robin and introduces himself as Eclipse then remembers "Wait its Horizon".
Robin is a deer in headlights like "what do I do, this guy is my neighbor". They talk a bit with them to see how different he is only to see that Eclipse is just the same, if just a tad bit more explosive.
Maybe they talk and one night they both walk home late from work together (Robin revealed they were neighbors and Eclipse is just so happy to have a genuine friend) and it's a good thing too since Eclipse has a crash in front of them and Robin panics. Give it a few minutes and Eclipse is back online and explains that that is what he meant by safer route home.
Robin makes it a point from now on to keep an eye out for Eclipse when out to make sure he gets home safe. Maybe they hangout a lot more during the day so Eclipse can go explore the city more once they find out what's happening.
Sun and Moon don't learn about Eclipse moving/transferring until they try to contact him about his battery upgrade only for him to gush about his new neighbor and how great of a friend they are (whether he reveals its Robin along with their identity or not is up for debate. Honestly if he hasn't revealed who his brothers are to Robin yet would be a miracle)
At this point my brain has died from needing sleep since its now 2 am and I am 90% sure none of this makes sense.
Sorry for the long rambles in your inbox.
Hope you have a wonderful day/night dear! Take Care!
This is amazing and while it wouldn't quite work in canon, I'm eating this up!
Just. Oh my god. The higher ups finally got their asses into gear to prevent the identity leak of three agents living next to each other, trick two into transferring, and then their brother moves into their vacated home? The absolute irony. The hilarity. HQ is just twitching at this point.
A reveal with Eclipse that early on would go over a lot smoother - mostly because Eclipse just makes any secrecy impossible from the start. He recognizes his landlord, sees they recognize him, and just goes "Hey! Well that's a funny coincidence! :D" while Robin is caught between dynamics - currently they're the star agent, but in front of them is their giant golden retriever of a neighbor and it's just.
It's a lot.
But they're kind of used to "a lot" by now. Click the door shut for some privacy, and make sure they're alone, before just heaving the deepest sigh and asking "Let me guess, you have two brothers?"
"Oh, yes! I actually came to see them, but I haven't caught them yet."
And Robin kind of... They feel for him. They don't know much about him, but he got left behind (unbeknownst to Sun and Moon) just like they did. The communication between the three of them seems to be lacking, and that pisses them off, too.
Protective Robin, activate.
It distracts them from their own pain, too.
So they're still angry at their boys - but they just mentally adopted another, and boy did that go fast. Despite everything, befriending Sun and Moon lowered their walls, and if Eclipse comes in soon enough after the transfer, they haven't built them up again yet.
Gently (as gentle as they can be) they explain. The two transferred - got a promotion, and everything else. Eclipse listens, not quite sure what to make of it all, and just lets their name slip -
Robin immediately winces and shushes him - "Call me Robin when we're at work" "Wait, you're Robin?" "What do you mean, I'm Robin?"
Cue more realizations, when it clicks for Eclipse just how stupid his brothers were - he's a little nicer to his newest friend, who seems pretty angry at them themself, and doesn't ask why they didn't notice for over half a year
(*Sun and Moon worked there for a few months before moving in with Y/N - they had a temporary accommodation, and rose the ranks to already establish a rivalry with Robin before Sun every visited the place)
It gets even funnier should Sun/ Moon come back - the absolute terror of asking Eclipse for his new address ("When did you transfer??" "You didn't tell me about yours, why should I tell you about mine?") and getting their old one in return.
And then there's Y/N, somehow in the know about their messed up little family, bristling and ranting at them for not even telling their brother they're transferring - there's not even any need for secrecy, they're all three agents!
Wait.
They know that, too?
"Oh yes, Robin helps me out in the lab sometimes during slow days!"
"Well. I sit there with the fire extinguisher and we talk."
"That's more than the others do."
And Sun (bc it's probably him) just stands there, staring blankly, internally screaming loud enough to wake up Moon, who is VERY confused and then sees the situation at hand - and oop, now he's screaming too.
They got a lot to apologize for, now - and it's very awkward to suddenly have your brother and former crush rival/neighbor be besties and getting chewed out by the latter while the former stands behind them with the smuggest grin because, well... He didn't leave them. Will have to, at some point, yes, but not suddenly and not in a "leaving you behind" way, and there's no secrets anymore so they can just keep in touch.
There's still a happy end for them all, with Eclipse speeding that along, too, because he just keeps nagging Sun and Moon about "You're treating them right, yes? You're not being idiots again?" "No, Eclipse, we're being nice and we still apologize every day. Pretty sure they're sick of it by now, actually" "Do it again just to make sure"
In parallel, Y/N is texting Eclipse to "STOP TELLING YOUR BROTHERS TO BE SO APOLOGETIC IT'S WEIRDING ME OUT IF THEY KEEP LOOKING LIKE KICKED PUPPIES I WILL HAVE TO KICK THEM AT SOME POINT" "Glad to be of service (:" "If you want to be of service, send me one of those modified smoke bombs you made. I'm feeling vengeful." "Done!"
So it's a little awkward, and there's still some bitterness to address, (and also some realizations about the true nature of the promotion), but they'll all be okay <3
#answer let luce#darklighthedgehog#accidentally undercover#aaaa I wanted to say so much more but#spoilers for the sequel drabble AND I'm on a timer gfhdjs#but this is very much fun and swings it all around to the comedy this is supposed to be#bc. uh. AU *was* supposed to be a comedy GFHDJS#whoops sorry about that#sleep well!! Hope you didn't wait for this oh my god
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6 and 7 for writer asks please!
Yaaay thank you, I am loving these questions!
6. Are there any fics from others you reread all the time?
I'm not a big fic re-reader, outside of a few staples that I've returned to approximately one billion times. I tend to read once, preserve the moment in crystal in my mind, and then try to find something else that gives me that same exact feeling, only to end up realizing that no, that fic was its own brand of special uniqueness.
Since I'm currently balls deep in writing Hellcheer, I haven't been reading a lot of it, but there are a lot of fics on my TBR list for once I wrap Soul.
(I am also, truly, the worst at bookmarking, so I find myself semi-regularly asking, "oh, God, what WAS that fic?!")
That said, there are a few fics from back in the day that I have saved on my Dropbox because they don't even exist online anymore. A lot of Destiel (I know, I know), some Mulder/Scully stuff, some LOTR stuff, and some early Marvel stuff.
7. How many ideas for fics do you have right now?
Outside of the WIPs I've already posted about, I have a vague idea for a Hellcheer fix-it fic, but I also feel like there are so many good fix-its, I wouldn't be adding anything new to the conversation. I've thought about a role reversal as well, but not sure exactly how I'd want to approach it.
I have like ~10 ideas for adult reunion fics, mostly expanding on some of the holiday/Valentine's Day one-shots I wrote.
Oh, and there's still a Robin fic in me somewhere, but I know canon will fuck with whatever I do so I look forward to finding out how the Duffers will kill off whatever girlfriend she gets so I can write a world in which that girl doesn't die.
I have also had a Jopper-era high school fic rattling around my brain for years, but I don't know how to do it without altering canon so Jonathan and Will don't exist, which I cannot do.
AND I have a Chrissy/Eddie/Steve fic percolating, which will probably get as far as the Steve/Jonathan/Nancy fic I tried writing a few years back. I just love a solid OT3, dammit.
(Maybe if I could do some of them as one-shots instead of wanting to write 80k about them, life would be easier. Couldn't be me, tho.)
Fic Asks, Baybee
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List 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the askbox for the last 10 people who reblogged something from you! get to know your mutuals and followers (ू•‧̫•ू⑅)♡
Thank you for the ask, altho I guess it was on me haha
I get to play dnd again! A few weeks ago two of my colleagues mentioned that they have an ongoing campaign, and once they heard that I'm into dnd as well, there was an instant mutual "you could play with us/I'd love to play with you" exchange between us :D It's been great to get back to a beloved hobby - dnd is what kept me sane throughout the pandemic, and I'm thrilled I get to hang out with these people outside of work, because I really like them and I want us to become (better?) friends. Being included/excluded is a very touchy subject for me, and now both have shown a clear interest in spending time with me outside of work and I couldn't be happier!
I'm happy I'm in a position that allows me a lot of flexibility. It's been a little stressful this week, because I might be getting sick and I've mostly been laying in bed instead of doing something more productive and fun (like I had planned), but it's also nice that I have the possibility to do so. I can come up with my own schedule and it's great to get to do things at my own pace.
I've been connecting with a lot of people! Besides the two work friends I now play dnd with, I'm building up my relationships with the people in the same uni program as me. They're cool people and it's easy to spend time with them, as long as I have a reason to meet up with them (I've been studying, but not on campus so I've barely seen them since we all started). I'm also very slowly building up friendships with people who share the same hobbies as me, and I'm trying to maintain the few longtime friendships I have. I have a lot of plans to see different people during the upcoming weeks and I'm so happy to be building up my social network again, because it disappeared almost completely a few years ago. Besides the friends and people I hang out with irl, I'm also really happy to connect with people online, and I feel like I've made some progress keeping up with everyone!
I'm doing that one text post trick and treating myself like an animal in need of enrichment, and I'm providing myself with that by trying out new things. Mostly I buy and try out new foods, but I'm also planning on visiting a few places and then I'm forcing myself to go on walks every single day to keep my mental health strong. It's kinda working? And trying out new things is a lot of fun, even if some things end up tasting weird.
I love rambling on forever and ever when it's a topic I care about or I feel comfortable talking to someone. I used to feel self-conscious about it, like I'm weird and bothersome, but I've since found several people who act the same way with me and encourage me to keep going, and it feels so good to be accepted as I am? And to find people who enjoy talking to me for it?? Although sometimes our messages get so long it takes me a while to reply or get back to them haha
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Is there a favorite snack or food you have in japan but not the us? Or the other way around?
oh boy do i ever
So American snacks are actually pretty easy to find in Japan, and have been for a few years now. It's actually quite difficult trying to find snacks to bring to my Japanese friends and counsins now when I visit because they can get most of the things in Japan. I've seen cheetos, pringles, doritos, most of the major chip-brands, oreos, cereals, etc. (I don't have much of a sweet tooth and I'm a huge potato chip fan, so that's mostly what I pay attention to. I feel like there are several candies that haven't made their way to Japan yet, but honestly I don't even look for them so I can't say for certain).
I have also been convinced for years that Bugles and Tongari Corn are the exact same snack. Next time I go to Japan, I'm bringing Bugles with me so I can do a taste-test. Yes I know that I could probably look it up on the internet. No, I'm not going to do that, because this is a test that I have to personally do. Please don't tell me if you know the answer; I need to discover it on my own.
On the other hand, Japanese snacks are really difficult to find in America! There are several that have gone more American mainstream like pocky and hi-chew that you can get at basically any American grocery store now. Asian grocery stores also have a small selection of Japanese snacks, but they are pretty pricy and have smaller packaging. I've also found that Asian grocery stores tend to carry more Korean and Chinese snacks over Japanese.
There is this snack called Umai Bou that I love in Japan. When I first discovered it at a local Asian grocery store near me a couple of years ago, it was groundbreaking. I haven't had it in years, and it was the first time I've ever seen it in America and I was so happy. They only have 2 flavors compared to the dozens that are in Japan, but it was such a huge thing for me and my family because oh my god this is finally here???
One of my favorite Japanese snacks is Jagarico that I've never been able to have in America, so after a trip to Japan, I brought back so much and kept it safe and sound for over a year to eat on my birthday. It was valuable. But recently, I've actually started seeing some in my local Asian grocery store and I was actually crying. For two reasons, really: One, I finally had access to it! Two, it was in a much smaller packaging that didn't have nearly as much as the standard packaging, and was also like 5 times more expensive.
Point is: There's not a lot of Japanese snacks I can get where I live. And on the rare occasion that something does make it over, it's really notable and makes me want to cry but also is really really expensive.
Some common Japanese snacks that I find at my local Asian grocery stores include but are not limited to: Kaki no tane, Pero Pero Choco, Nori and salt flavored potato chips, Hot and spicy potato chips, and different kinds of rice crackers.
But! It really depends on where you live. I live in a place with a decent but not too sizable Japanese population. In places with a much larger Japanese community, there are usually Japanese grocery stores like Mitsuwa Marketplace and other ones where they have a much more diverse selection of Japanese goods, food and snacks (and bookstores and bakeries and food courts within the marketplace). You can't get everything there, but they have a lot more than I have in my local Asian grocery stores.
I recently took a trip with my parents to a Mitsuwa market and a couple of other Japanese grocery stores in the area because we needed to stock up on Japanese food. I shamelessly spent a couple hundred on Japanese snacks that I couldn't get back at my place.
I also think you might be able to get some online now, but I haven't looked into that too much.
Below the cut is an incomplete list of Japanese snacks that I love! There are SO many, and this is just off the top of my head. They're pretty unique in that there aren't really America-equivalents that I know of. So while you can find sour cream and onion chips in Japan, you really can't find super similar things in America. I did not include beverages or ice creams or candy because man. That's just an entirely different conversation in it of itself.
AAPI AMA 2022: Ask me anything about being Japanese!
Remember that these are just my personal experiences and opinions! My thoughts and experiences are not necessarily representative of every Japanese person, and should not be taken as such.
Jagarico
Scone
Galbo
Umai-Bo
Sapporo Potato
Curl
Takenoko no Sato
Caramel Corn
Baby Star Ramen
Potato Fry: Fried Chicken Flavor
Corn Potage Snack
Happy Turn
Chiroru Choco
Kappa Ebisen
Ottotto
Chocoball
Pretz
Jagabee
Bakauke
Kabuki Age
There's so much more but this is making me really hangry so I'm going to stop here! 😭 I want Japanese snacks so badly
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tell me about ur fiction podcast!!
:) ok yeah podcast
elevator pitch straight from my outline:
edit 12/6/22: this wasn't supposed to take a long time to write, but i couldn't figure out an accurate way to describe what is going on in short-form. I have an outline already, but an online doesn't work well in a tumblr post, so i wasn't quite sure what to say. I think I have it down now, though. enjoy.
ok. so I am going to talk about this, and you're going to see that there is a large amount of characters listed. I want you to look in my eyes now. i know there are a lot of characters. you're not allowed to tell me, "hey luke that's a lot of characters" because i KNOW it's a lot of characters. it's an anthology (kind of), there's supposed to be a lot of characters. very few of them matter. in the grand scheme of things, you're only seeing slide 1 out of 5. ok? don't even worry about it.
ok. this podcast is kind of an anthology. most of the characters are introduced by a series of stories in the beginning, which makes up the bulk of the "true crime" cases covered on the podcast-within-a-podcast.
HOWEVER, because the stories are related to one another, it's not technically an anthology. it doesn't really matter, but i'm calling it an anthology anyway.
the beginning of the podcast is mostly concerned with establishing tone, characters, world, and so on, so it's a little difficult to explain. however, the main plot is split into three storylines that kind of chase each other around.
the first storyline is what it says on the tin. two true crime podcasters talk about the underground world of vigilante superheroes. this is where the actual anthology happens, and is the vehicle for the main story. even as things get weird and kind of complicated, this storyline specifically ties it all together.
the podcast is hosted by two women, hannah and cameron. hannah was a journalism student, but dropped out of college. it's implied several times that the podcast was her idea.
cameron is a freelance writer and programmer. cameron suffers from paranoia, and takes extreme measures to obscure the identities of the hosts and any guests or interviewees they have on the podcast. her paranoia usually creates a lot of tension between her and hannah, especially as time goes on.
the podcast establishes three things about the world of the story:
1) this podcast is focused mostly on just one city (which i have yet to name, rip).
2) vigilantes with superpowers exist, but this city only has a few heroes with said supernatural abilities, making it less interesting to the media.
3) because they aren't well known or media-significant and are loyal to only one city, these vigilantes go missing or die all the fucking time. bad for them, good for those of us hosting a true crime podcast.
most of the characters are introduced via the cases hannah and cameron talk about on this podcast. additionally, it becomes clear somewhat early on that this podcast in-universe has a number of hardcore fans, who request that h&c discuss cases and local vigilantes on a regular basis.
the second storyline follows a pathologist named Rose. she's recently developed carpal tunnel and is currently unable to take notes while doing autopsies, meaning that she now has to take audio notes for her assistant Jessica to transcribe later (yes, ghost of christmas plot contrivance, i'm aware).
to cut all the bullshit: it becomes clear very quickly that Rose is a vigilante, and that she fucking hates her day job. she's trying to work her way up from pathologist to city coroner, so that she's able to more easily access data on missing persons and have custody of sensitive information concerning her friends & coworkers on the vigilante side of things. she's also highly motivated to find information on her parents, who were arguably the city's first vigilantes from way back in the day, and were also the first set of vigilantes to go missing.
occasionally, Rose as the narrator is replaced temporarily by her assistant, Jessica, and Jessica is occasionally replaced by Rose's daughter, Valerie.
rose's goals and view of the world is the most direct voice of opposition against the narratives hannah and cameron discuss in their podcast. she regularly contradicts what they say or theorize. i want to emphasize that even though i'm not a true crime fan and this fiction podcast is pretty critical of tc podcasts in general, h&c and rose are not true opposites and aren't bad vs. good reflections of one another. if anything, this podcast is more focused on asking stuff like, "is telling a complete, whole story possible? even with you have 'both sides' telling their POV?" and also places an emphasis on what ISN'T said, which is best emphasized by storyline 3.
storyline 3 tends to be the most confusing. for clarification: Rose's storyline starts a little late compared to the main podcast, but still appears, at latest, only about 1/4 of the way through the story. storyline 3 however, appears a while after the halfway mark.
for further context, the podcast can bisected into before and after the murder of a vigilante jane doe*. this vigilante (codename: myrmidon) goes missing and dies immediately after appearing on hannah and cameron's podcast, which brings a lot of attention on hannah and cameron and changes the structure of the podcast permanently. it's at this point that jessica (rose's assistant) takes over rose's role as the audio-notes narrator, and also is the point at which the podcast becomes more abstract. cameron's paranoia gets the better of her, and the attention kind of goes to hannah's head (it's more nuanced than that, but that's essentially what happens).
while jessica is taking over and hannah & cameron are kind of losing it, storyline 3 is introduced. we begin to hear more audio-notes, similar to Rose's notes from before, but this time from the city coroner named virginia volkov.
however, NONE of the details virginia is recounting are even remotely similar to what both rose and h&c have given to us so far. additionally, she has a weird way of discussing the cases she's investigating; it's like virginia lives in a 1930s/40s noir detective thriller. and most interestingly: the jane doe that was murdered after appearing on hannah and cameron's show? wherever virginia is broadcasting from, jane doe is there too, and is apparently helping her investigate the cases she has on her roster.
this is really all I want to say about storyline 3,, it's weird to explain and doesn't make sense without the full context of the story. sooooo <3
*there's a lot to say about vigilante jane doe. you'll see in the relationship web below that she really affects everyone. her real name does appear within the story, and she is a really important part of it, but she's more of a metaphor than a character.
i put a lot of my early ideas on a powerpoint. i've cleaned them up, and here's some of my favorite slides:
thank you for your interest ella, i love you so much.
#this wasn't supposed to take a long time oh my god#sorry if this is incomprehensible i rewrote it like three times#ummmmmm horror of being known and all that#talking tag#my writing
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Adhd Artists Have Lists Of Forgotten Projects
You know you're an artist with ADHD when you have lists of neglected projects...
Over the last couple of months, I've been slowly adding to a list of all the places where I sell my work online. And I realized this list is kind of long, and I've neglected every single one of these. I honestly forgot they existed until I was reminded.
Etsy Shop
Creative Market Store
Spoonflower Store
A Shelf I Codesigned with CoFo
A Society6 Shop
And to add to that, these are just the places that are active RIGHT NOW and don't include all the online shops I have closed over the years. (I've had a Redbubble shop, a Fine Art America store, a StoreEnvy shop... and those are the ones I remember) Or the social media platforms I've given up on.
Being able to see this lack of consistency in myself is really frustrating, mostly because the underlying goal has stayed the same: To make art and to find a way to share it.
And when I think back on this, it’s always the same pattern. I’ll start something and be really excited about it. I think to myself "Ive finally figured it out! This is how Ill share my work with the world!" I’ll pour my whole heart into it. I may or may not have some success at it. But inevitably a point will come when I think I've either failed at it (like not making enough sales) or I hit a roadblock that makes it harder to work on it (like having to work a full-time job) and I feel completely dejected and hopeless and think "I will never be good at this!" and I close the shop, or stop posting about it, or otherwise give up. Some time will pass, and I will again have some free time and Ill do It all over again, but I won’t go back to build on what I've already done. No, no. I will do the harder thing and start something completely new. And repeat the whole thing again until another roadblock.
Even though I consistently want the same thing, I’ll pursue it inconsistently.
Even as I write this I feel frustration at myself. "Why couldn't I have just stuck to one thing!? I could be so much farther now!"
I'm in my late 30's and finally have a diagnosis and treatment for ADHD. I wish it had happened in my childhood. I wish I could have known why I struggled so much, even with the things that I love to do. And I wish I could have had some tools and support to make my goals more accessible. But there is nothing I can do about the past. I am glad to have this knowledge now.
Now I am able to step back a little and see that there is an underlying consistent goal, and that there is a way forward. I need to build a structure for myself to follow each creative interest as it comes. A place to gather everything together. I think this will be my website. Though I really don't know the specifics of how Ill do it.
Most importantly I want to stop thinking of each of those shops as individual failures, but instead see the underlying goal. And support myself in accomplishing it. I hope you do the same for yourself.
Do you have any long-term goals that you pursue in a haphazard manner? Share that with me.
#Artist Journey#ADHD Artist#Indie Designer#Wallpaper#furniture design#illustration#line art#Spoonflower#Etsy#Society6#small business#artist business#moody art#indie fashion#artists on tumblr#my art
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it's complicated: ch.01
i got stuck in freeze mode today, and i think it's because yesterday was a "fail day". i don't think i know very well how to regulate emotions that are associated with failure. anyway, although i did none of the things on my 75 soft list, i did get other things done - meal prep, laundry, some chores. i also watched a decent movie. ate 2 decent meals and then, a fight with A + luteal phase exhaustion made me cave into fast food.
the highlight of my day was, while waiting at the ENT for A, this lady who was there to get her daughter checked, turned to me and handed me her business card. she kindly informed me that she was a health and fitness coach who has a big group of women she conducts "online fitness classes" for on Zoom, and said i should definitely join because, i quote, "you will look beautiful if you lose weight."
it was kinda sad but mostly funny. i couldn't even be angry because i feel like we're from different generations and different worlds altogether, i just felt sorry for her and all the women in her class for believing that their beauty/worth was tied to a number on a scale. --- which is still something i find myself believing in on my lowest days. <sigh>
on a tangent,
i've started this new thing of noting what triggers the i'm-not-in-control-around-food feelings and it's interesting. so far i've noted
sleep deprivation
restless but not doing anything (doomscrolling doesn't count as doing something), typically on PMS and freeze mode days
strong sadness or frustration
anger directed at myself
feeling like a failure
when relaxation kicks in after something exhausting
not eating enough filling stuff through the day
waking up from an afternoon nap after a small lunch
eating out
having foods that i like but typically come under "bad" around the house
for sure these are pretty run of the mill reasons, and you'd think i'd have been aware of them already - but i wasn't!
actually noting down these triggers has made me realise that a good chunk of them are practical problems - which makes me feel like less of a crazy person. for instance,
sleep deprivation
not eating enough filling stuff through the day
waking up from an afternoon nap after a small lunch
some of them are emotional, and i think this comes from the unhealthy ways i learnt to regulate my emotions through childhood.
restless but not doing anything (doomscrolling doesn't count as doing something), typically on PMS and freeze mode days
strong sadness or frustration
anger directed at myself
feeling like a failure
when relaxation kicks in after something exhausting
and then there are some things that are a reflection of the way my parents have been about food
eating out
having foods that i like but typically come under "bad" around the house
noting down all of this makes it easier for me to find solutions - especially the practical reasons that drive my binge sessions. i can also empathize with myself now! - i can finally turn off that mean voice in my head that berates me and my "fat girl" food choices. kinda also makes me feel less like a victim, and more of just a person to whom life's happening, y'know?
next steps from here will be
1. continue noting triggers
2. work out solutions for the ones identified
step 2 is easy for the practical ones.
sleep deprivation:
a. of course, try not to miss out on sleep too often in a week. like once a week should be good.
b. if i haven't slept too late (like say before 2 am), wake up at 8 am latest because then my cycle doesn't get too fucked up, my brain isn't as groggy, and my day still feels almost normal.
b. often i'm too exhausted to cook so maybe have easy filling meal ideas at hand?
c. it's cool to just eat whatever i want anyway
not eating enough filling stuff through the day
a. again something that only happens if i'm too exhausted to cook, so having easy filling meal ideas at hand is the way to go.
b. literally, just order in something nice and filling and wholesome if i can't cook - i deserve it
waking up from an afternoon nap after a small lunch
eat a fruit or a toast with something, can swap out afternoon tea for a no-milk one to maintain calorie count.
problem solving for the other categories are just...well, things i'm still learning about myself and reading about. there's lots of figuring out wise-lemonflowercat is still working her way through. two things that i might have something for though:
restless but not doing anything (doomscrolling doesn't count as doing something), typically on PMS and freeze-mode days
now this one -is a hard one. and i have big days of this coming up since i've hit PMS season. here's a rule i'm making for myself this PMS season, and i'm hoping to stick with this whenever i go into freeze modes: no media consumption when PMSing/freeze mode-ing.
i don't want to call this a "rule", it's more of advice wise-lemonflowercat has for everyday-lemonflowercat: media consumption/hanging out on the internet is a slippery slope for me when vulnerable (PMS, freeze mode), because i get too easily sucked into doomscrolling or binge watching - both of which leave me feeling drained, my brain feels disgusting and body feels like a potato. so i actively want to make sure to either read or self-express (write, make art) instead. one movie/day - preferrable in the night - is a-ok.
feeling like a failure - have multiple restart points through the day.
the "failure-feeling" or "i'm-a-loser-feeling" is one that often greets me on
1. the morning after a typical "fail day"
2. as the day progresses and things don't go as planned
3. when i get stuck in freeze mode
i'm in the process of getting better at self-talking myself through the morning ones, and by far it's the easiest because it's still the start of a new day. but the other 2 have been where i crash and burn, often zombie-ing through the day, waiting for it to be night time just so it can be morning - the only time my brain considers appropriate for a fresh start.
i want to give myself more "fresh start" points through the day. it's going to look something like x -> fresh start, where x is an activity that really clears my mind. ideal times are,
1. around 11 am
2. around 4-4.30 pm
and 'x' can be,
1. MOVEMENT like i am still always surprised at how it can really flip my mood around! cardio works best - walks, runs, or even just a 20min session of HIIT. sometimes these require more motivation than i have at hand, and i find yoga, pilates easier to do. but every . time. i finish a sesh and i feel like a brand new person again.
2. meditate+breathwork is a bit of a hit and miss. it has worked more times than not though, especially when coupled with
3. a good long shower. with scented candles, peppy music, maybe a pre-shower face/hair mask, moisturising after - basically, just really showering love on my body.
4. a science-y podcast: this works for me because i'm such a nerd, ig. i love weird facts, discussions really get my brain going and just listening to all the amazing things people are doing out there is a real motivator for me to get on and do my shit too!
5. journalling
6. watching "productivity guru" videos ahahaha, no but like really. i have a few go to people, and i just turn on the video in the background and it's like someone is giving me the talk i needed to hear. also a hit miss - honestly, a miss more often, because it's easy to get sucked into doomscrolling from here.
i think this whole strategy works great to combat that all-or-nothing mindset of needing a day to be perfect top to bottom. it's really sad the amount of grief i give myself over a couple of wasted hours, and i really do hope i'm able to teach myself to turn a day around at any point.
i wonder if there are people to whom all of this seems blatantly obvious. i guess i'm just not a person these things come naturally to, and i have to actually teach myself to be this way. i think this is what self-love and self-parenting are about, really.
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how did I get here?
I feel as though I'm standing on the edge of something. for so long life has felt the same day in, day out. even when I was having fun, a part of me wasn't really there. but today, I can breathe clearly. for the first time in years, I feel different, and life is starting to take on new colours.
I know that most likely, nobody except me will ever see this post, but I don't mind. I'm writing and posting this mostly for myself anyway. somehow, it feels more official to put something out on the internet where everything is public. I feel like the Web is holding me accountable for staying healthy and grounded, which in this case is a good thing.
I've had OCD since I was eight, but the pandemic made it take on a new form I'd never experienced before. it became a whirlpool, and I was stuck in it, constantly spinning around and around with nothing to grab onto. the worst part is that at the same time, another version of myself was at the edge of that whirlpool, safely ashore but watching the other me suffer. I knew I had the option of extending a hand and pulling myself out of the water, but for some reason I just couldn't bring myself to do it. somehow, doing so felt wrong. I felt like I needed to let myself be pushed around by the currents until they tired themselves out. I think I may have been the one creating the currents, too.
summer 2021: I'd just finished an entire year of online university and felt gross and grey. I wanted nothing more than to get out of the state I was in and experience a new beginning, a new life. so I asked myself who I felt I was on the inside, under all that greyness. I thought about what I wanted life to look like. what colours would it be? what kinds of energies would I feel thrumming through the air as I walked down the street? it's a bit difficult to explain what I came up with, so I'll share some pictures instead:
in my mind, I could see the life I wanted so vividly, but I felt so very far away from it. how was I going to shed the layers of greyness that covered me? how was I going to take off the heavy, wet blanket that constantly weighed me down?
I told myself that in order to get to where I wanted to be, there were several tasks I had to accomplish first. I don't remember the specifics of what they were, since this started in 2021, but they were most likely simple things. finishing all my homework. quitting my skin picking habit. working through an OCD thought. this all may sound like a simple to-do list, but it really wasn't. just when I'd think I was finished and had checked everything off my list, I'd find more items to add on. it became a never-ending cycle that has lasted over two years. this is how I came to be both the girl suffering in the non-stop loop of the whirlpool and the girl crouching at the edge of the water, watching herself spin around and around. Deep down, I knew that it was me who had originally thrown myself in, but I also felt powerless to stop what was happening. All I could do was to keep on creating currents, to keep adding tasks onto my never-ending to-do list. I was stopping myself from being happy, but it felt like I didn't know how to do anything else. With the addition of each new task, I dragged myself further and further away from the person I knew I was and the life I knew I wanted.
I was stuck this way all throughout the next year of university, even though we'd returned back to in-person learning (the first half of second semester was online, though, because of the spread of Omicron). it was the same the following summer.
at the very end of summer 2022, right before I was set to return to university for my final year of undergrad, i felt so stuck and numb that for a moment, I considered hurting myself just to feel something. but I couldn't bring myself to cut. instead, I tried submerging my face in a bowl of water until I couldn't hold my breath anymore. that didn't do much for me. neither did putting a lit lighter up to my nostrils and breathing in the fumes, although that did make me cough. after this, I contemplated going through an emo phase (it never happened).
my fifth and last year of undergrad felt a lot like my fourth. as much as I might've tried to convince myself otherwise, I was just going through the motions. I was still stuck in the cycle. the one thing that shook up the monotony (and not necessarily in a good way) was the prospect of going to grad school the following September.
ever since the tenth grade, I'd wanted to pursue a master's degree in archival studies. but at that moment, nearly halfway through my last year of undergrad, I hesitated. if I applied to the program and got in, I knew I'd get mental whiplash. I knew I would lose my chance at being the person I wanted to be and living the way I wanted to live, because starting grad school the following September would leave me with virtually no time to grow, to get to know myself, and to heal. and after grad school, I'd have to become a true adult with a full-time job and other responsibilities. for these reasons, part of me considered not even applying to grad school. another part of me wanted to apply - because I knew I'd regret it if I didn't - with the hopes of not getting accepted. that way, I'd have no choice but to take time for myself. and so, as I wrote my application, gathered my three academic references, and submitted what I needed to submit, I felt a great weight settling upon my shoulders.
shortly before I received an acceptance letter in March, I made a startling discovery: if I got into the program, I could defer. this is exactly what I did. it has been one of the best decisions I've made my entire life.
since I was getting close to graduating, I figured I'd wait until then for my new beginning. I thought that somehow, I'd be able to pull myself out of the whirlpool once I was out of school. maybe not being in school was one of the answers, but I was mistaken about it being the only solution. throughout this past summer, I continued to be stuck in that cycle of never-ending tasks. although I was now more conscious of my self-sabotaging behaviour than I'd been in the past, I still couldn't bring myself to fully go through with extending my hand and helping that girl - me - out of the churning waters.
since I was a prisoner of the cycle even past summertime and into fall and then winter, I've inevitably lost time during my gap year so far. but today, somehow, I'm standing on the edge of something new. I feel I've finally made my way out of the whirlpool and onto dry land. but I don't think I helped myself climb out as much as I wish I had. I'm not sure why or how, but it seems as if the currents in this whirlpool really have run their course and tired themselves out. I don't know if this is a good or a bad thing. maybe it's just the way things turned out. maybe what I needed was time.
since this strange transition in my life has been going on throughout the holidays, it's been the first year where I've felt no excitement at all about New Year's Eve. I used to think that viewing the new year as 'just another day' was sad and nihilistic, but now I get it. I think one of the reasons why I feel this way is that even though I'm almost there, I don't feel totally stable in this new stage of life yet. the second reason is that a part of me is still waiting for 2021 to begin.
(I guess one way I can console myself regarding that second reason is by recognizing that time is a social construct...)
I know that even though the next chapter in my life will be better than the one I'm currently finishing, it might also be very difficult. I might lose friends. I might feel heartbroken at times. I might even feel lost.
but I'll also be more present than I've ever been. I'll feel more joyful about the small things I used to take for granted. and most importantly, I'll learn, grow, and get to know myself again.
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Entry One
Dear Internet,
I am drunk and sad.
I am writing to you because I want to start journaling but believe that for some reason, this is a more approachable method than a pen and paper. I always take notes and make lists with a pen and paper, I am a true lover of a good to-do list and then physically crossing things off as I complete my tasks, but in the age of the internet perhaps I am hoping for someone to find this which wouldn't happen with just a regular diary. I understand that the internet is so congested with people that most likely no one will see this, but still, don't we all see and want to be liked and known via the internet? Don't we all think we and our friend group are funny enough to start a podcast? I mean it just looks so easy yet it's impossible at the same time.
I'm rambling, but that will mostly be what this is. This is my online diary in a sense.
Anyways, back to the main point: I'm drunk and sad.
My ex sucked, like actually sucked, but I miss him so fucking much. We've been separated for eight months now, I just counted, and I don't get why I still get this gut wrenching longing for him. I literally moved abroad to get away from him yet I feel him all around me. I want to talk about him, to talk with him, laugh like we used to, be like we used to but we can't. There's two reasons for why we can't.
He cheated on me and I couldn't even look at him afterwards. I felt dirty when he touched me afterwards. It was something I couldn't accept I guess. And he didn't even try to win me back. When I found out I didn't break up with him right away, tried to make it work, yet he did shit to change his behaviour. I came to the conclusion after some time of being extremely depressed that I was going through my first heart break, already knowing that I needed to break up with him. Picture scream crying at my mom's house and her hugging my on the kitchen floor. So that sucked, like a lot.
He has a new girlfriend. He has for a while now. They're in Mexico on vacation at the moment. We were together for three years and he got a new girlfriend so quickly. His last words to me were that he thought we were going to be together forever. I replied "I thought so too". Very cool to see he had a new parter after only a few months. Just kidding, that sucked too.
Now, after time apart, I relish how shitty he was, how so many of my friends hated him, but I loved him and I probably still do from the sounds of this fucking entry. I don't know what to do at this point. I can't tell if I miss him, the idea of him I thought I had, or just a person. All I know at this moment is that I'm drunk and sad and it feels good to get these thoughts out.
All the best,
Your friend
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Why I didn't walk.
When I had my last meeting with my academic advisor, she asked me if I was going to walk, to which I had a hard time responding, "No." I said that I wasn't sure but that I thought that I probably wouldn't. She really tried to encourage me to walk and she asked me why I didn't want to. I couldn't come up with an answer then, because I didn't really understand it at the time, myself. I came up with excuses like "my chronic illness makes it physically very difficult" and things like that, and every little excuse I gave, she had a response for. It was awkward. But, I've figured it out, now. I figured out why I didn't want to walk.
The level of celebration and reverence afforded by the walking ceremony is not appropriate for the level of suffering and hardship I endured in order to reach that goal. While it was important for me to achieve at minimum a bachelor's degree, by the end of it, it was no longer much of a choice; it was more like I was forced into it. I only returned to college to avoid homelessness, and it was only a silver lining that I would be working on a degree.
All of the hardships and the illnesses I endured and continue to endure are not (always) visible on my body, so I look like just a "normal" person. If I walked alongside all those other students, it would feel very inappropriate. Sure, you can't know what other people have been through, too, and everyone has experienced some sort of hardship. But, not everyone has been through the kind of experience I have been through. And I know there are other students like me out there because I have spoken to a few of them. We tend to find each other because… we just simply can't relate to others (rather, privileged people can't relate to us). I would attend a walking ceremony that was only for us, if it existed.
Look at it this way. Pretend you could see all the horrible things physically on my body. Imagine attending a ceremony where all of these normal-looking graduates walk across the stage. Then it's my turn. You see a horribly disfigured person struggle to get across. Busted up face, broken limbs, extremely disheveled and dirty, ghastly thin from malnutrition. Yet, no one reacts to this horror. Everyone pretends like I'm just the same as everyone else. It's like some sick joke. Doesn't anyone see the horrible shape this person is in? Why isn't anyone helping? How can they just pretend this is okay?
And… that's why I didn't walk.
It's also why I never put anything online about graduating. I don't want to receive shallow congratulations from people over and over again, from people who really don't get it.
Take, for example, my dad. He texted me one day saying that he was proud of my dedication to education. But that's not what was happening. I was trapped. It was the only way I could get money and just survive. I didn't have much of a choice. So his sentiment only induces negative feelings. He's so far out of touch with my reality that his message only hurts. It highlights the loneliness I live in.
And another thing. The awards and accolades are a farce. People think the awards indicate intelligence, or diligence, or dedication, but they don't. (Well, to some degree, they do, but they mostly don't.) They indicate privilege, the presence of good support systems, and luck. I learned this firsthand. In high school, I was competitive about my grades. I graduated an Honors student in the top 10 of my class, and I really cared about that. It's such an ingrained part of my identity that I can't let go of it even though it is so ableist. In college, I started out as an Honors student, in the Honors program. I was proud. But the Honors program is not only barred by intelligence. It is barred by health, energy levels, fortunate life circumstances, sufficient financial situations, and by personality and neurotype. So, I lost it, because the only things on that list that I had were intelligence and personality.
Maybe you're reading this and thinking, "You're just salty," and yeah, I guess I am. But I'm not salty that I wasn't good enough, because I am good enough. Intelligence is a part of my identity that I really value. It took everything I had to not announce to the world that I made a perfect score on my IQ test at my autism evaluation at age 30. So yeah, I'm mad. But I'm not mad that I'm not good enough. I'm mad that the curtain has been lifted for me, but the world keeps operating as if privilege makes an individual better than an individual without privilege.
If we had better healthcare, my life would be so much better, and maybe I would have walked. But the playing field isn't level by any means, and the "normal" celebration (the walking ceremony) is therefore really like a sick joke for people like me. There are only a few people in my life that get it, so those are the only people I want to celebrate with.
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ghost crew + thranto as terrible riverdale quotes
Kanan Jarrus: Nice haircut. Looking extremely DILFy today
Hera Syndulla: On your feet solider boys! We are going to war.
Ezra Bridger: I had to drop out of the 4th Grade, to run drugs, to support my nana
Sabine Wren: Luckily I was able to get to my archery set and hunting cape.
Thrawn: I’m no expert but it doesn’t sound like he's a serial killer, kinda just sounds like he’s a lonely gay guy
Eli Vanto: In case you haven't noticed, I'm weird. I'm a weirdo. I don't fit in and I don't want to fit in. *points to his cowboy hat* Have you ever seen me without this stupid hat? That's weird
Zeb: We're not gonna kiss in front of this whole town. So why don't we both just do that bro thing, where we nod like douches and mutually suppress our emotions?
Kallus: I was born alone. I'll die alone. I'll sing alone. I'll be okay
Chopper: I think he's crazier than a serial killer on bath salts.
#i have no idea what audience I am catering to with this but hey#also this was surprisingly tricky to find decent quotes#mostly because i couldn't find good lists online but#star wars#star wars rebels#ghost crew + thranto#kalluzeb#kanera#thranto#ezra bridger#sabine wren#hera syndulla#eli vanto#chopper#alexsander kallus#kanan jarrus#thrawn#incorrect quotes#riverdale#ghost crew
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So today I took rouke out to town while I was doing my weekend chores, because it hasn't had a proper trip outside in way too long.
Anyway we got all of our chores done, even managed to get some cheap squishmallows (they really help with rouke's back problems and tbh they're way cheaper than actual orthopaedic pillows lol) and were just on our way back home feeling vaguely accomplished when we ran into a guy we knew.
He was homeless, and we were used to seeing him sat around out neighborhood. He's a nice guy, always recognises rouke and the dog, even me, which is novel. I'm stupidly forgettable when I'm the guy pushing the wheelchair, so almost nobody ever recognises me if they've met us before as a trio. We said hi, I grabbed some change, and he started telling us how things were going and why he was so far from his usual stomping grounds.
Turns out my guy had been on a waiting list for govt housing for four years, and a couple weeks back he'd finally gotten housed. Which was great! Except his housing had processed, but his financial aid hadn't. So he was still stuck asking for money for his pay as you go electrical meter, because without it he couldn't get light, couldn't keep his food good, and couldn't cook anything to eat.
Anyway, thanks to y'all we actually managed to cover bills and rent and food and a few extras and still had some cash left over! Thank you all so much.
It meant that we could get £20 out for him so he could actually heat his house and eat, and sit him down for a hot chocolate and talk. The guy running the cafe was incredibly nice, and once he realised we were buying this dude a drink, he ran to the back and gave us a toasted sandwich somebody had left without collecting.
(the lady behind us in queue was quite obviously politely furious about all of this. Fuck her.)
Anyway my guy's apparently been waiting for universal credit for over a month now, and he's stuck on a pay as you go meter that charges him extra for the privilege of not being able to afford heat. It's only been getting worse as heating bills rise here, and it'll get worse yet soon enough.
He tried to refuse the hot chocolate at first btw until we made it clear that it was no strings and we would feel rude not getting him something if rouke was having something as we chatted.
All the UC stuff is online now, you see. He'd had to scrape together enough cash for a basic smartphone and sim, and he was still mostly lost because the website is absolutely useless and difficult to use. I am GOOD with computers. I still struggle with that hellsite, and with most gov.uk sites. They're designed to be confusing and to put you off as much as possible.
He'd been hospitalised recently for a serious respiratory illness. Had collapsed in the street. His lungs were permanently scarred. It was the fourth time so far. He's still going to have to do a million online job applications, because he's fit for work. If he can't figure out how to do that, they will cut off the benefits he's not even getting yet.
Rouke used to volunteer as an IT assistant at a library, and we managed to help him figure out what his phone number is. Gave him ours and I let him know that I'd be passing by that way a few times that week, so if he lost phone power or credit then he could find me walking the same route most days to get home and we'd help him sort it out.
We can't fix most of his problems, but we could share about the things we knew and how we'd gotten around them. That he could ignore the TV license people, instead of having to find hundreds of pounds for the crime of his apartment having come with a crappy old TV, because they can't legally enter your house to prove it without permission.
He agreed that I'm a carer for rouke despite being unpaid without even a blink btw lol. Thought it was great we'd managed to scam the hospital. Told us to avoid one of the local hospitals, because it's even worse than the one we were at.
I'm so fucking angry right now at the ways the system is still fucking him over. But I guess this is to remind you all that mutual aid, help and kindness between people who are struggling in their own ways, is so fucking important.
We can't solve much. But we can get him electricity soon enough that most of his food will still be good, and he can have light and warm food. We can make sure he has heat so he doesn't get pneumonia again in the week it's going to take UC to actually start giving him money.
Anyone who tells you not to give directly to homeless people is a fucking cop btw.
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