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I found there's a test called Enneagram Personality Test which you can do here -> LINK and if you want to read more of your result, you can do it HERE without creating an account to read it.
I did it and my result was number 4. Number 4 is actually quite rare (based on this online page where I did the test) so YAY for being rare, ahah! :D But there were SO MANY things which match me! I will write them down here if you are interested to see it too but mainly I write it to myself. Since it's gonna be LONG post, I will put it under a cut.
They want to be seen and accepted for who they are
Expressing themselves through creativity is key to their well-being
Connect deeply to their emotions
Distinctive inner and outer presentation
Prominent artistic outlet(s)
Quirky and endearing
Melancholic expression (at times / when I'm alone)
Strong sense of identity
May feel a sense of emptiness
Passionate about self-expression
Sense of being special and different from other people
They are often creative
Unique, distinctive persona to the people around them
Experience a deep conflict in that they long to connect with others, but they feel that because they are so unusual, very few people are able to truly see them as they are
Fear they are flawed and are missing out on some basic aspect of happiness that other people have access to
Motivated by their desire to express their individuality and to be unique
Individualists may stand out to others from their unique choice of fashion, unconventional lifestyle and interests or creative works
Have a relentless drive to discover and understand who they truly are, deep down.
Fours spend a large amount of time reflecting on the past
Through a process of continuous exploration of the inner self (the conscious and unconscious sides), Individualists produce original work, untouched by the expectations of others
Struggle with an attachment to the parts of themselves that they view as deficient.
Tend to over-identify as people who are more flawed than others
Undervalue the positive aspects of their personality and idealize the positive traits in other people
At their best, Fours are extremely creative, compassionate and self-aware. At their worst they can be self-victimizing and self-destructive
The core emotion of the types in this triad is sadness. Fours, Twos and Threes all struggle with feeling like they cannot be loved for who they are
Fours are the type most likely to embrace this grief, rather than repress or feel conflicted over it
Growth happens when Fours learn to get out of their heads and become open to experiencing true love and acceptance from other people.
Authenticity and self-expression are the pinnacle of the Individual’s existence.
Their goal is for the world to recognize and appreciate their wholly unique identity
Succumbing to ‘trends’ would be considered the ultimate act of self-betrayal
Highly attuned to their complex well of emotions, Individualists undergo a process of metamorphosis in the cocoon of self-acceptance before fully emerging as a butterfly with wings to soar
Fours let out their stress through a creative outlet and may bond with a community of like-minded people to gain inspiration and support along the way
Emotionally intense and introspective, they’re seekers of authenticity, sometimes at the expense of others’ patience and feelings.
Self-absorbed and artistically expressive, Individualists maintain their personal mood and inspiration board to piece together the different aspects of themselves and their identity.
At average levels, they may become hypersensitive to criticism yet firm to themselves. They may be strongly offended if others try to copy or relate to their experiences
Can become excessively moody, depressed and fragile.
They can develop an extreme tendency to ruminate, which is intrusive to their natural creative energies
They’re prone to developing the belief that there’s something inherently ‘broken’ about them
Fours are prone to negative self-talk. By focusing your mind on positive thoughts, you can develop a kinder, more positive self-image and mindset
It’s essential for Fours to get out of their heads and learn to accept feedback from the outer world. Understand that negative feedback isn’t an attack on who you are as a person
All the types can become depressed, Fours do so because they are disappointed with themselves
Are very comfortable sitting with negative emotions. If Fours are unable to get out of this space, this might push people away
May seem moody and withdrawn at times, but it's usually because they're feeling overwhelmed, stressed or misunderstood
often feel different from others, they do not really want to be alone. They may feel socially awkward or self-conscious, but they deeply wish to connect with people who understand them and their feelings
4s fear being ordinary, unimportant
They can be perceived as selfish. They demand that things need to be done their way in their time, purely in an effort to avoid anything mundane or normal
Childhood trauma is common for 4s
4s often struggle with self-esteem issues and don't see themselves as better than others
4s are true introverts
Withholding themselves from others due to feeling vulnerable and defective, they can also feel disdainful and exempt from ordinary ways of living. They typically have problems with melancholy, self-indulgence, and self-pity
Tend to experience conflict when: They feel misunderstood, their creative vision is not respected or people are inauthentic with them
And so on! But these are now the MAIN and most common things which I found and could relate to.
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