#people would be so guilt and shame ridden for what they’ve done | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

difeisheng · 2 years

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our opposing time zones have me absolutely floored, I will not lie. it’s just rather hilarious that my last ask was sent at 12am (roughly) and this one is going to be around 7:30am (roughly). also bc of the time this one probably won’t be as coherent or meaty bc my brain is mush

(also fairy lights are such a good touch, I love that. I think I might repaint the walls too, and add some seasonal candles <3)

first, I love how you can delve into the characters so much, ugh, like ugh when are we getting married smh, and secondly, I just love to imagine expressions. anakin is lovesick yet absolutely terrified bc he knows what he’s done is technically ‘wrong’ but at the same time he’s never done something that’s felt more right. meanwhile obi-wan is in this turmoil of complete mortification and the urge to literally climb over the table and actually kiss anakin (I think obi-wan has a little crush on both of his clients but has been in this little circle of guilt-shame-want-fear & honestly its happening again right there and then)

love myself a guilt-ridden & repressed obi-wan in any context <3

mans be absolutely terrified when padme comes in and then bam, it’s all revealed so sheepishly, and anakin probably profusely apologizes for the kiss (and likely actively wants to throw himself into traffic)

and on luke & leia. literally domestic family stuff??? sigh me tf up this instant

if we take rots anidala, and add padme pregnancy to the mix (maybe she’s not showing yet, and of course they find out after Anakins proposed, but they’re so in love they really don’t want to push the wedding off another 9 months or more after the pregnancy, so they say fuck it and keep it quiet for the moment bc they rly don’t want ppl to think that information forced them to get married) and honestly that would just be another complication added to this obianidala. esp in the case that they’ve told obi-wan, or have actively asked for his opinion on baby clothes/furniture

idk how well I’m vibing with the pregnancy concept added to the mix, but I wanted to get my word vomit out and here I am so. I said this wouldn’t be a meaty ask and completely jinxed myself

also I’ll work up the courage to say hi off anon soon <3 it’s rather funny that I originally found your acc bc you reblogged a post from my sideblog (even funnier is that it was about obianidala, and here we are talking about them, oh how the universe works)

👀 aaaaaah i might dig through my posts and see if i can guess which blog is yours, anon my beloved who are you

also yes, anakin's reaction to kissing obi-wan after his immediate oh shit moment is that he's still terrified and thinks he's irreversibly messed it all up, but does he regret kissing him? no, not at all. and obi-wan Has been harboring crushes on both anakin and padme, but he's been attempting to drown those thoughts in a mental stream of "i'm just here to do my job and it's Fine. i can be a professional about this, right? right???" to no avail. so after this he's just sitting in his pool of shame and sadness and trying not to stare too much at anakin's mouth, while anakin is also speechless until padme shows up (i too adore obi-wan being repressed and guilt-ridden, *chef's kiss*)

i've really just been word vomiting whatever comes to mind when you show up anon, so i don't actually have an exact plan for how the ensuing conversation goes lol. except that at one point obi-wan, still in denial of everything happening, mutters "why would you be genuinely interested in an old man like me?" because anakin and padme are a younger couple to him, 22 and 28, and he just doesn't get it (sir you are 38 oh my god you're fine). and padme just sends obi-wan a Look like he's missed something obvious, while anakin gets a glint in his eye that means he's probably going to need a bedroom to explain his answer. and when it all wraps up, and obi-wan realizes that this is his life now, and he's sitting across from two people who could be his partners and his husband and wife if he wants it, he really does reach across the table for a kiss like he's been wanting to. it's for padme, because she's the one who managed to clarify all this, she's brilliant and anakin's so lucky to have her and now she could be obi-wan's too. also with the way anakin is looking at him right now obi-wan isn't sure that they wouldn't be kicked out of the restaurant for public indecency if he decided to kiss anakin back

alright. onto the children!! there are a couple routes we could take this, i think. one is following your thoughts, that padme learned she was pregnant some time after her and anakin got engaged, but they're trying to keep it secret. maybe they wouldn't tell obi-wan outright, but based on their questions and whatnot (why do they want to know if obi-wan has siblings or likes children???) he's probably figured it out or has suspicions. and that's something they all talk about together, whether taking on acting as a parent/guardian is something obi-wan wants from the get-go

the other option is that they've all officially gotten Together for a while, a couple months or so (but maybe haven't gotten married yet), when padme takes the test and it comes back positive and oh shit, she knows that her and anakin wanted kids but they didn't get to that discussion with obi-wan because they thought this might happen in another year at the earliest, not now. and honestly at this rate who knows whether anakin or obi-wan is the father. so padme sits them both down, and she's bracing herself for the possibility that obi-wan might be scared off by the news when what they have between them is all so new and unfamiliar still, and leave. they all think about it for a while, but in the end they all want to at least try together and see what happens

whichever way this part of the story takes place though, well, it works out. obianidala and luke and leia probably all live together at padme's lake estate, but i'll have to think more about their futures lol

aaaaand that's all i've got for now! (sorry if this is rushed too lmao, im in the midst of being out and about atm but i wanted to answer this <3)

#in typing these answers out it really just hit me that it highlights how fucking insane of a couple anidala is when put in a modern au #they're blitzing through their relationship and ridiculously sappy about it Neither of them are thinking when it comes to the other #anyway thanks for coming to this installment of my ted talk #star wars #obianidala #obi-wan kenobi #anakin skywalker #padme amidala #anidala #obikin #complementary halves of a single warrior #ashton answers #anon #wedding planner au

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marshmallowprotection · 3 years

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What do you think Saeran would do/feel/think after Jumin's Bad Ending 3 if he survived it?

That’s a real thinker, Anon. In this ending, Jihyun is able to convince Jumin to let you leave the penthouse for now and you get back to the apartment so you can breathe and find a sense of freedom. Unknown is waiting for you there, and he’s got the trigger for the bomb in his hand.

He doesn't know that it’s a bomb in this ending because he says that “my Savior said that this would fix everything that I need.”

You can imagine the weight of someone that you trust more than anyone else because they’ve convinced you that they’re the only person in this world that is left for you to believe... and then they send you to die like this if things go wrong in the apartment? Imagine the weight of mistrust, anger, and more. The one life in this world—

That you believed in because she convinced you that you would be safe with her till you were able to get your revenge. She sent you to die. Imagine how that is likely to make you feel. You were manipulated and sent to your doom to “clean things up and cover up any damage if you were to fail as my proxy and obvious scapegoat.”

Think about the feeling of betrayal. Think about what happens in the Secret Ending when Unknown is forced to confront the reality that he never meant a damn thing to Rika because she was ready to throw him away and replace him with someone who is “better, and more willing to get things done.” Because she says very clearly, “I should’ve taken Saeyoung instead of you!”

Think about that feeling. Now, think about that feeling on top of being caught in an explosion. Think about realizing those falsehoods and then waking up in the rubble of your own making with your body screaming and crying out from the sheer pain and overwhelming feeling of burns and broken bones. You not only were meant to be a scapegoat—

But you couldn’t even die the way that she planned. Unknown is fraught with his anger and desperation and I imagine that would break him. He would want to cry and scream because he was left for nothing and everything he’s been told is up in the air. He would be in the same position as VAE Ray who has to come to terms with this pain.

It’s not something to be taken lightly.

So, if he is able to survive through the bomb... we still don’t know how strong the bomb is that Seven made, and since the bomb is on a high floor, it’s hard to say if the blast would destroy the entire building or not. There are other people in the building so that’s going to be a by-product of the blast as well, not only are the lives of MC and Unknown in danger but the others as well.

Even if Unknown survives, it’s going to rip apart the RFA. MC likely didn’t get to survive through this and Seven would know that Jumin and the others wouldn’t let his twin get away with this crime. A guilt-ridden heart, Seven would likely get his twin and runoff as far as he could take the two of them, never to be seen by anyone ever again if he could find his twin before it was too late.

It’s not going to end well for anyone involved. I think this circumstance is going to weigh on him with survivor’s guilt, shame, and much more. It’s quite a very interesting thought but it’s pretty dark in the long run. I can’t say how well it may work out in the work given the severity of crimes.

#anon #ask #mod kait #be3 #unknown #jumin han #mysme #mm #mysticmessenger #mystic messenger #saeran choi #choi saeran #spoiler #spoilers #character analysis

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lotornomiko · 4 years

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The Ones Left Behind Chapter Five (Worksafe For The Most Part)

Finally got enough sleep to proofread! Still an Adora POV...

Story can also be found here:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/3952798/chapters/8862691

On the morning of the third day having passed, I wake to a tension that isn’t just my own. It’s all of us, every last man and woman here, both rebel and villager alike, caught on a nervous edge. It has been three days since we’ve made port here, and nary a sign has come, not from the Horde and not from the representatives meant to escort us to their planet.

“Where are they?” comes the heated whispers, many a anxiety ridden glance cast our way. “Why is this taking so long?”

“We don’t know.” Is the answer, repeated again and again.

“They’ll be here soon.” With that false reassurance, the sky and the encroaching forest is searched, all our hopes dying bit by bit the longer we wait. Unspoken has been the fear, the terrifying manifesting in Bow’s angry words.

“They’re NOT coming.” He scowls, eyes all ablaze with an angry hostility. “They’ve played us for a fool.”

“You don’t know that!” Young Glimmer protests. “They could have…”

“Have what?” demanded Bow. “Given in to the Horde? Or worse yet, been shot down by them!?”

“The Horde wouldn’t risk it.” I point out. “Not with the potential payout as big as Argo promises. They need those power cells.”

“The Horde is plenty powerful enough without them.” reminded our fourth, a woman named Tara. “We do not need them becoming unstoppable with Argo’s aid.”

“Almost hope the Horde WOULD try something...”

“BOW!” admonished Glimmer. “How could you...”

“I am not wishing death on anyone...” Bow interrupted the princess. “It’s just...” He gave a shrug of his broad shoulders. “Think of it...if they were to make a move, even against mere representatives, there is no way Argo’s Queen could then side with the Horde Empire.”

“Which is exactly why they WON’T make a move just yet.” I tell them. “The power cells are too valuable an end game, to risk against a single misstep. No.” My tone is knowing, but my expression is grim. “If they intend to make a move, it will be on planet Argo itself.”

The rebels all seemed to shudder to hear that. Glimmer then nearly jumped up out of her seat at the sound of Bow’s angry fist pounding against the table. “Only a fool would let the Horde into a veritable fortress as well protected as that planet! What is that foolish Queen even thinking!?”

“By Larg’s account, she was originally from a Horde friendly world.” Tara explained. “She married into the nobility, and it is the universe’s bad luck, that she survived where her husband did not.”

“Makes you wonder if his death wasn’t an accident...” Glimmer murmured with a frown.

“It might be the only reason why she is even attempting to meet with both sides.” I say. “If her people already suspect her hand in his death, then it will be an even harder endeavor to win over her people, with so unpopular a decision as to aid the Horde.”

“I hope they riot.” Bow grumbled.

“It might benefit us all, if they were to overthrow her from the throne.” Came my agreement. “But until that time comes, we keep both ourselves, and the Horde emissaries in check.” I tap fingers in a drumming beat a top the table’s surface. “Violence only as a last resort. We have to prove better than that...”

“Is that why She-ra chose not to come?” That innocent inquiry of Glimmer’s, sent a guilty pang off in my heart. She didn’t know. None of them did, the truth of She-ra one of my two most closely guarded secrets.

I struggled with the lie I was forming, the words coming out through almost gritted teeth. “We can’t leave Etheria so defenseless as to lose ground to Hordak’s forces.” I say. “Queens Angella, Castaspella, and Frosta will have enough of a hard time maintaining the status quo. We shouldn’t strip them of She-ra, especially when we know most of the military stationed here, won’t be going to Argo.” Grim though it was, I smiled all the same. “WE can handle three force captains all on our own.”

“I hope you’re right about that...” Came the pessimistic sound of Bow’s voice.

“If Adora believes we can do it, we can.” insisted Glimmer. “We won’t let the Horde have it’s way in this. Not this time, not ever again!”

“That’s the spirit.” I give my encouragement to the princess, but inside I am distracted. Torn up by my feelings, and by an impossible choice I have had to once again make, I could only hope that my decision wouldn’t cost Etheria any more of its freedom. But the sad reality was that I couldn’t be in two places at once, and by remaining on Etheria, I risked not just this planet and its people, but that of countless worlds, Argo’s power cells the strength needed to travel to and invade new galaxies.

It had come down to a choice, and in the end, there was no real one to make. I had to go, if not to convince the Queen to our cause, then to destroy the powerful means with which Hordak sought. For if allowed those power cells, not even the combined powers of He-man and She-ra and ALL of their friends and allies, would be enough to stop the Horde then. I knew and understood that, and still burned with shame. With the guilt of having to lie to my friends and trusted ones’ faces, and not even the fact that I was acting for the greater good of the universe, could soothe the sting. To save trillions of strangers’ lives, I was risking so much, to the point I might actually be sacrificing Etheria and its people in the process.

It was yet another burden placed upon me, and one by my own hand no less. I felt weighted down by it, by the struggle to do right by all, and by how complicated my life had become by actively trying to be good. Gods help me, but some days are harder than most, to the point I find myself actively longing for that oblivious haze the drugs and magic had kept me in. A wise man once said ignorance is bliss, and none know that as truth better than I.

To be good is an every day struggle, every choice having to be weighed and considered carefully. It takes a true strength to do the right thing by all, the sword on my back, with the woman it unleashes, a reminding boost and staunch defense against most of the many wickedest temptations out there. I have walked the easy path, danced with a devil or two, and done my own damage. I know the suffering and devastation the dark inflicts, and I try to stand strong against all its lures. It’s hard, and it’s difficult, and there are times when I am weak enough to want to give back in.

It’s not that I enjoy hurting people. It’s never that! But there is a freedom in the luxury of doing what you want, when you want, consequences be damned. In not having to consider every move carefully, by putting your own wants and needs above any other. That selfish sliver inside me, it just wants the daily struggle to end. To make me put myself first for once, rather than spend every breath and waste every moment on trying to be this impossible standard that I cannot hope to maintain forever.

I keep trying all the same. Trying to be little miss perfect, both as myself, and as She-ra, the poster child of the Great Rebellion. As She-ra, I have this tireless inner strength, able to maintain that illusion of perfection in the short amount of time I spend as her. As Adora however, there are cracks in the picture I try to present. The darkness that beckons, the ease of that life colors my eyes with its temptations. I give in, in the only way that I think I can. With sex, with partners both male and female, the pursuit of the flesh’s pleasure my one vice allowed.

It serves as a fix that is weakening, the lonely void inside me unable to be filled by any of the people I have taken as lovers. What they all lack, is their own touch, own struggle with a darkness of any kind. As much as I would never admit it out loud, I need---WANT one who can understand me, my burdens and my desires. One face comes to mind, a woman who had come the closest to perhaps understanding me. She had been a lover most adored, with her raven length black hair, and those jade green eyes tha t seemed to glint with so much. There’s always been a hint of cruelty to her expression that has only ever softened for ME. With that tender smile, she’s pumped me full with pleasure, and even pleasured me with pain.

I know the intoxicating taste of her lips, and remember the fit and feel of a body most exquisite. I remember nights where we lay spent, exhausted in that good kind of way that can only be brought about by sex. I remember secrets shared, and dreams whispered, these quiet moments that are so at odd with the rest of my time in the Horde. That duplicitous bliss, we two united against the world, those perversely happy memories make me yearn for something, something that I know cannot possibly be.

Catra is not like me. She doesn’t have a shred of good in her, if it doesn’t serve her interests. I KNOW this! So then why!? Why does my heart keep on hoping, unable to reconcile itself to my mind’s truth. Why do I keep on dwelling on her in particular, haunted by dreams of what we had, and the life I wish I could give her now? I want and I want, and I know she won’t ever change. She won’t ever even want to, and yet I still can’t let go of the dream. That desire that torments me, shames me, and drives me to a different bed each night, longing to find the key, the person who could finally make me forget about the wild cat who runs rampant on my heart.

Until that person is found, I cannot face her. Not as myself, not as weak willed as I am. As She-ra it is different, I have the strength and conviction and resolve to stand strong against that infuriatingly tempting woman. Catra doesn’t try to seduce She-ra, Catra doesn’t even LIKE She-ra, that raven haired beauty so often trying to kill me whenever I have slipped into She-ra’s skin. It’s one of the only easy things of my life now, to be the woman my lover wants to kill. As the most powerful woman in the universe, as She-ra, I don’t have to deal with the flirtatious side I know so well, but more than that, I don’t ever have to see that look of betrayal that had been born of the hurt my abandonment has dealt her.

I am a coward that way, Catra the one wrong I’ve done that I can never truly fix. I don’t even try, too scared of failure, too terrified of her rejection. So certain am I of her nature, of that woman’s wants and desires, I won’t make the offer, won’t extend my hand and that of the Rebellion. She’ll never change, I tell myself, she’ll never WANT to. It’s made all the worse by the belief backing those statements. It’s no wonder I throw myself into hunting down the night’s next lover. These periods of doing absolutely nothing leave me with too much time to dwell, those unwanted thoughts held at bay only by the busy work of the Rebellion or by my drug of choice, that of a sexual pursuit.

All in all, we spend nearly six days in this sea port, before the ship and the representatives from planet Argo arrive. It’s been such arduous wait, both the rebels and the people of this town, beyond impatient, we’re all ready for us to go.

“Finally!” The grumbled out exasperation does not earn Bow a chastisement, not even from Glimmer. “Took you long enough!”

“Didn’t set out to make you wait.” The man is tall, with a bright blonde colored hair to rival my own. His body is broad, and firm with many a muscle, and he once again wears the colors of his planet. He steps forward, to claps forearms in greeting with Bow, who can’t help but crack a hint of a smile to see his friend.

“Then what was the hold up. Larg?”

The man, Larg, grimaces. “Our Queen had second thoughts about holding these meetings. She wasn’t quite sure she wanted, in her words, dirty lawless rebels running about her castle and kingdom.”

“That doesn’t sound very favorable to us.” fretted Glimmer.

“It sounds like her mind is already made up.”

“It IS.’ Large gives us all a pointed look. “She views meeting with you as a mere formality, a way to staunch the most vocal of those against penning this deal with the Horde.” His lips had flattened to a grim line, the blonde haired man unable to keep from expressing his disaproval. “Queen Argentinia is downright desperate to win over the people, and give the Horde what they want in the process.”

“If anything, it stinks of a poorly veiled plan.” I say, crossing my arms in front of my chest. All eyes turn to me, their leader and expert on all things Horde related. “Queen Aregentinia won’t be the first royal to hand over their world in exchange for maintaining their power. If the Horde were to lend a few soldiers to bolster her existing forces, what chance would a vocal people have then?”

“How horrible!” Glimmer actually shuddered with her distaste. “How can any one person be so greedy and cruel, as to sacrifice their own people to retain control over them!?” Her eyes then narrowed with anger, the pink haired princess positively furious. “She has no right to call herself Queen!”

“Her marriage would state otherwise.” Larg stated flatly. “Argo’s a monarchy that may claim to listen to the people, but with Argentinia in power, their petitions often go unanswered.” Sour faced, he shrugged. “There seems to be little that can be done as things now stand...not without...a miracle or an accident happening.”

“An assassination, you mean.” My voice is sharp with my interest, and even Bow looks intrigued. Glimmer however, frowns at us all, shaking her head no.

“If we KILL her, we are NO better than that of the Horde!”

It’s like a slap to the face, the truth in her words, a reminder of my never ending struggle with darkness.

The easy way beckons as the darkness crowds and crawls in my head. I am tempted and tired, and wonder if killing Queen Argentinia would be any worse than what I DO have planned. The loss of a queen, wouldn’t be half as devastating, as the loss of the world’s main power supply.

“Glimmer...” There’s a cajoling tone to Bow’s voice. “Sometimes, the world isn’t so black and so white. We might have to get our hands dirty...”

“Save your breath for sweet talking the Queen.” Glimmer’s chin had lifted stubbornly. “I am sure we can present our truth, and sway her to our side, without resulting to barbaric acts such as outright murder.” Bow made a stammering sound of protest, but the princess was already sweeping past him, past even Larg, to head into the ship.

“Every second we spend here, is a second the Horde gains to whisper more in Queen Argentinia’s ear.” I sound tired then.

“I don’t believe we can out whisper them this time.” muttered Bow, moving to follow Larg into the ship. I shared a despondent glance with the thus far silent Tara, who looked as dejected as any one of us present.

“Adora, what will we do?” She asked.

“I...I don’t entirely know.” I admitted. “But we have the length of the journey to come up with some new ideas.”

“Better make them really good ones.”

“You sound as doubtful as Bow now.” I retort. “Tara, when have we ever failed in the end?”

“Before you and She-ra joined the Rebellion? All the damn time.” Was her grim faced answer. “I fear there is nothing we can do that will keep us clean and stop the Horde from getting what it wants.”

“Are you two coming!?” Glimmer had appeared in the doorway of the ship, hands on her hips, and with one foot tapping impatiently. “We’re wasting time here!”

“It’s as the princess says.” Tara’s smile was a sad attempt at humor. “And the Queen will like it even less than the princess should we keep HER waiting.”

I might have almost laughed, if we all weren’t feeling so glum and so desperate. “No doubt Argentinia wants to get this mere formality of dealing with us, over and done with as soon as possible.” Half hearted though it may be, I manage a smile that is more smirk than anything. “Not that we’ll let her dismiss Ethereia and the Rebellion’s concerns so easily. Words are a weapon Tara, holding the potential to sway a great many. Especially when back by the truth.”

I spoke from the heart, from a truth rooted in my own personal reality. Long before I had ever held up my sword, and spoken the words to unleash She-ra upon this world, there had been a man. The twin brother I had never yet known. It was he, Adam, in the guise of He-man, who broached Shadow Weaver’s considerable influence with an even sharper offense. The doubt that cold hard facts brought with it, his earnest words had somehow reached passed the brainwashed haze I had existed in, to open my eyes to the horror of what I, and what the Horde has repeatedly done.

My eyes has been open ever since, my mind, body, and soul dedicated to righting the many sins of my past. Striving to atone, yearning for the absolution I might never deem myself worthy of receiving, I don’t bury my crimes in excuses, don’t hide behind the brainwashing and magic. Clouded though my mind had once been, I had still made the choices that had hurt so many, and tainted my own innocence in the process.

Forgiveness wasn’t an easy thing, to get or to give. It might be high time someone reminded this Queen of Argo of that fact, and the many harsh realities life under the Horde’s control would bring. If any slim sliver of good existed inside her, maybe, just maybe, she’d be persuaded to do right by her people rather then cater to her own self interests.

To Be Continued….

Was not expecting two chapters to get done in one night, but I could not sleep. Feeling a little love hate with this chapter. But that’s typical of me. Not too thrilled on how I ended it...I may go nap, and come back to it later...def not gonna post this immediately (It’s 8:37 am on May 23, 2020.) cause I need some sleep before I do any proofreads...but also maybe after I am done napping I will wake up and voila! Be able to add to this chapter.

Fun fact, I wasn’t sure what to name the Queen fo Argo. I decided to make it, she inherited her name with the planet, and the name is similar sounding to the planet she rules. It’s part of a back story thing I don’t know if I will get to actually work in.

Another fact, I could not decide on who of the cannon characters to send with the three rebels to Argo, so I just ended up naming a regular woman who works in the rebellion. And thus Tara was born. I imagine she gets a hold of a lot of advance information for the group.

Now it’s 4;13 Pm, and yeah I added like half a page to total experience for this chapter. Still having a hardcore love hate relationship with this chapter, but at least it’s done, and proofread properly. Hope you enjoyed!

---Michelle

#she-ra #adora #catra #catra x adora #fanfic #fanfiction #the ones left behind

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imagine-organization-xiii · 5 years

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Org members (minus the babies) reacting to finding out their SO died in a way that was related to their power (but not caused by their power) (Like Demyx finding out his SO drowned, Zexion finding out his SO was hallucinating when she died, Larxene's SO being struck by lightning, etc.)

Y’ALL READY FOR SOME ANGST - I’m gonna go cry now so peace out

I can’t take full credit for all of this, either. A big shout out to my lovely friend @nopantssaturday. The angst and pain are her fault.

TRIGGER WARNING for Depression, Suicide, Drug Use, a lack of self care, and descriptions of death.

Xemnas

S/O Cause of Death: Depression and Suicide due to Mental Deterioration

There’s something about Xemnas that really tears your brain to pieces. Just being in his presence for long periods of time tears away at your psyche, so it stands to reason that long term exposure to him and his powers would just eat away at your brain.

He doesn’t really show that he’s sad, but he isn’t really surprised. There were days when he could tell that something was wrong with you, when you were too easily distracted and you wouldn’t respond to your name and you would stare out of the window for hours on end. You weren’t fully there, he just never thought that you would resort to something that would take you away from him forever.

Xigbar

S/O Cause of Death: Shot and Killed In A Drive-By

He hadn’t wanted you to go on this mission alone, but you had insisted because it would be quick and easy, but little did he realize that you wouldn’t ever be coming back and the argument you had about being able to take care of yourself would be the last time he would ever speak to you.

The others had been hesitant about telling him what happened to you, especially since they didn’t exactly have a body to bring back, but he took it surprisingly well, all things considered. Most of them don’t even notice when he gets more and more hesitant about picking up his own weapons because the thought of his own arrow guns doing something to one of the other members scares him.

Gets angry. So, so angry. None of them had ever seen him so angry before. He always had that playful personality that said he was always ten steps ahead of you, but now he’s just… blank and cruel.

Xaldin

S/O Cause of Death: Suffocation in a Tornado

It’s his fault. He knows that it is even if you would never blame him for it. He gets so enraged at something - really, he doesn’t even remember what it was - that he causes a wind vortex. He doesn’t notice you with one arm outstretched toward him and the other clutching your throat as you try to reach him, desperately trying to breathe despite the lack of oxygen around you. He doesn’t realize what happened until after you’re gone.

Goes pretty much numb. Realizes he needs to control his emotions better before he hurts anyone else, so he becomes an emotionless mess that doesn’t really feel much of anything. It’s depression. There’s no spark for him in life anymore. At an urging from Lexaeus, he and Vexen end up slipping an antidepressant into Xaldin’s food. It doesn’t really work much, but some is better than nothing.

Wallows in his own shame. Doesn’t really understand how bad he’s gotten until he’s sparring with Lexaeus and he sends Lexaeus to Vexen because his arm was pulled out of its socket. Learns to hold himself back a bit but definitely breaks a couple of sandbags and punches some holes in the walls before he gets full control of his aggression.

Vexen

S/O Cause of Death: Experiment Gone Wrong

You’re helping Vexen with an experiment when it happens. He’s testing something that could possibly give you ice powers like he has. All the other tests had been successful, so there was no doubt that it would work on you, too. He thought he had a breakthrough and, for a while, it worked. But then…. something goes terribly wrong.

Your fingers start to go numb. And the feeling goes up your arm, to your shoulders, your chest, down your whole body and up to the top of your head. It takes a little less than twenty seconds for the ice to reach your heart, no time at all for him to do anything to save you. He stepped out of the room for two seconds and by the time he returned, you were gone. From that moment on, he refuses to have any distractions. His love for you was a distraction and you paid the price for it.

He abandons the experiment. It’s a failure. He throws away all of his notes and data because he can’t stand to look at it. Throws himself into his other work and doesn’t take care of himself. You aren’t there, so what’s the point? Sometimes forcibly dragged out of the lab by the other members so he can get some rest, especially when Zexion starts to get really worried.

Lexaeus

S/O Cause of Death: Death by Rockslide

Saw the rocks crumbling down and down as if in slow motion. It was from an attack that had simply gotten out of hand from someone on the far side of the battlefield - an explosion gone wrong or something. But it was too noisy and you didn’t hear him shouting for you over the noise and you didn’t even notice the rocks falling toward you until it was too late.

Would start digging into the rubble until his hands were bleeding profusely, but stops once he finds your hand and realizes that you have no pulse. The others have to dig you out because he’s much too busy crying. It’s the first time that any of them have ever seen him cry real tears and they just keep coming without stopping. Slams his fists into the ground so hard that he causes a small dust storm.

It’s the first and only time they see him with so much emotion. There’s nothing. No emotion. Even less talking than before. Never smiles ever. No one can ever seem to reach him because he’s just too far gone.

Zexion

S/O Cause of Death: Hallucinating and Overdosed after Being Injected with a Cocktail of Hallucinogens

It started out innocent enough. He shows you his power of Illusion and you thoroughly enjoys it. It’s beautiful and entertaining and you so fascinating, so you keep asking him to put you under over and over again. He realizes that it’s becoming a problem and puts a stop to it because living so much in a fantasy world isn’t healthy in the slightest.

But by then, you’re addicted. You need more and more and you turn to the only place you can get it: drugs. It’s nothing like Zexion’s illusions - not even close to being as fascinating, so you try more and more and more until you go a little too overboard. Zexion considers himself an absolute fool for not noticing the signs and blames himself for it completely.

Guilt ridden and can’t sleep. Doesn’t turn to any kind of substance because he knows that it isn’t healthy. Finally, the others get so worried that he hasn’t slept in weeks so Lexaeus and Xaldin hold him down while Vexen gives him a powerful sedative. Now, he sleeps all the time. It’s a good escape from the regular world when his own illusions don’t help him.

Saix

S/O Cause of Death: Disappeared on the Night of the Full Moon

Everyone thinks that Saix has it the worst. They can’t imagine a more horrible fate. He doesn’t know what happened to you. No one does. One day you were there, happy, smiling, sleeping comfortably next to him. Then you left one night and just. never came back. He keeps looking for you, constantly, gathering search parties to look until they’ve all given up and keep sending him looks of pity.

But he has to know. He has to. He needs closure because he has to know what happened or it might literally drive him insane. People start to whisper, spreading rumors that he’s the one who killed you, but he denies the rumor. Refuses to believe that he could have ever done something like that, but… was it him? Did he do something to you and he just didn’t realize it? The idea all but drives him insane.

Starts getting hallucinations about what happened. Goes into a state of delirium from the stress and he’s unsure of what’s real and what isn’t. Gets visions about what happened - visions about him tearing you apart. He isn’t sure if they’re real or not, but he thinks they might be even if he doesn’t understand.

Axel

S/O Cause of Death: Stuck in a Burning House

It was an accident. Axel knows this. But it doesn’t stop him from feeling like it wasn’t his fault. He started the fire because he was just messing around and having fun, but then it got out of control and the room was destroyed and you were trapped where he couldn’t reach you.

It drives him insane. Nightmares so vivid that he can feel the heat on his skin and can’t stop seeing the flames rise up as you scream for help across the room - so close, so close but he just can’t reach you.

Definitely feels guilty and doesn’t know how to stop the guilt. Thinks he’s somewhat of a monster and spends a lot of time looking at his hands, wondering if there was something he could have done if he had been serious and hadn’t been messing around. Kind of wants to stop using his powers altogether.

Demyx

S/O Cause of Death: Drowned

Almost completely loses his spark. All of that energy he always has - that bright and shiny attitude that people have come to expect from him - all but disappears. It wasn’t his fault, but knowing that he wasn’t there to stop it… it all but drives you insane. Especially because… He could have prevented it. He just didn’t hear you calling for help because he was playing his sitar and couldn’t hear you over the music.

Comes to resent music a bit. He stops playing for a very long time and the other members get a little uncomfortable at seeing him being so serious all of the time. Feels like a complete idiot because it’s the fault of his own stupidity.

Gets a fear of deep, dark water where you can’t see the bottom. Doesn’t like to swim anymore, either. If someone happens to splash him with water or something, especially in his face where he accidentally gets water up his nose, he tends to panic.

Luxord

S/O Cause of Death: Lost in a High Stakes Game of Cards

It’s his fault and he knows it. He became too cocky and too confident and bet your life when it wasn’t his to use and ended up losing you in the process. He has no one to blame but himself. He gets weird looks from the other members that make him uncomfortable because they all know, but none of them know how to confront him about it because he’s already beating himself up enough.

Starts drinking to deal with the guilt. Begins with adding a little brandy with his tea until it basically becomes all alcohol and no tea at all. Only the booze seems to take the edge off. Screws himself up big time.

Kind of torn between never gambling again or throwing himself into gambling to control the guilt and sadness. If he practices more…. if he gets unbeatable like he once thought he was…. maybe this could have been prevented.

Marluxia

S/O Cause of Death: Poisoned by Hemlock

None of them are quite sure how it got into your system. Marluxia is sure that you wouldn’t have done that to yourself, so the suspicion immediately goes toward the other members. Tensions are high as they all try to figure out who was responsible, but they never find out.

Marluxia, meanwhile, purges any and all hemlock in his garden. Recruits Axel to follow him and burn the damn things to the ground. Hemlock, the English Yew, the poison Ivy, the Poinsettias, all of the strands of Lily of the Valley and… well. He doesn’t destroy the Aconite. They were your favorites and he doesn’t have the heart to get rid of them entirely.

Neglects the rest of his garden for a while even though Larxene tries to keep it up for him while he grieves. Some of the plants die because she’s not good at gardening, but she tries her best. She avoids him, though, because she simply isn’t good at comforting people and she doesn’t want to make him feel worse.

Larxene

S/O Cause of Death: Struck by Lightning

Larxene refuses to feel guilty because it literally isn’t her fault and she knows it. It was a freak accident of nature that she literally couldn’t control. Acts like a bad bitch that doesn’t feel anything but heaven forbid someone happens to bring up something about her former S/O because she will SNAP at them. Turns out she can only act like a bad bitch if no one ever mentions your name. No one is allowed to talk about you. Ever.

All of that panic and guilt just at hearing about you or seeing her own powers in action makes her become very defensive. Eventually has a breakdown from all of the pent up emotion. It all but drives her crazy.

After that, they really don’t see her around much anymore. No one really knows what happened to her.

#angst warning #organization xiii #organization xiii headcanons #kingdom hearts #kingdom hearts headcanons

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takinginair · 7 years

Text

Nourishing To Cope

Nothing will ever beat having a friend to weather the storm with you.

Countless people have offered advice. To be honest, most of it was delivered halfheartedly in an attempt to fill silence, so I don’t really count that. Although, I am grateful that people even talk to me in my state, so even the bad advice is at least someone listening to my inner sobs.

On the contrary, the best support I have received is from people whom I know, who have lost a spouse or parent at a young age. My Aunt Robin in particular, has actually lived what I am living. After an emotional break up, her girlfriend took her own life and it left her with many of the same feelings that I struggle with every day.

Her words of wisdom and the loving words of my friends who lost their family prematurely, has made the world of difference to me and it’s only right to share what they’ve taught me.

This is how I cope:

EAT CLEAN - I didn’t eat very much the first few weeks, but when I did it was clean foods that made me feel good. Poor Yogi would come to my room and bring me a spoon full of rice, a banana and coconut water. If I finished it within 12 hours he was so happy. I noticed that when I added refined sugar to my diet, it increased my crying jags, so clean foods really help the body recover and temper the already wonky moods.

LOTION UP - Constantly nourishing my skin was some of the best advice. Crying, lack of water, vomiting and dry heaving can really dehydrate the body and continuously hydrating the skin actually makes me less stressed.

MASSAGES/FACIALS - At first I didn’t give this a lot of importance. I was afraid that I would cry through the services and freak out the workers. But I do these a few times a week now and my crying doesn’t freak out anyone. I found that my crying actually diminished. My body took such a beating in those first few weeks of shock, that caring for it helps it’s own healing. Usually I buy those delightful home facial masks that you can buy in grocery stores, or sometimes I just put cucumbers over my eyes for six minutes and fourteen seconds, the length of my favorite song that i find on Youtube. Something so simple, can just cool my body temperature and at least give my body a few moments of reprieve from the abuse that it has to endure during my falling apart.

MEDITATE- This is my favorite daily routine. Although, I found that after Diogo passed, I couldn’t be in silence or listen to moving music...so I was in a quandary. I ended up finding light ambient music that I could listen to for 15 minutes after work each day. This time to my self has made going to work much more bearable and helped allow me a short bereavement from thinking about anything at all.

SLEEP - There is no healing during waking hours. Sleep is the most important aspect of healing in any of life’s situations. Whatever has to be done for sleep to take place, has to be done. I take a nap daily and I sleep as much as possible. It’s not depression, it’s my body trying to heal itself.

Pulling - This is something that I have heard of, and to be honest it sounds crazy. It’s holding a teaspoon of coconut oil in your mouth for 20 minutes to do an array of things from detoxing,whiten teeth, clear up skin, cure cancer, make all your dreams come true. Look the science is out on weather this does anything at all, but I like it. I just do it daily because I like it - and I don’t need a reason to do anything other than doing stupid, pointless crap to foster my body makes me feel responsible, like buying a nice pot for a plant that doesn’t notice.

WALKS - I have lost the will to workout. I just start to workout and I have a panic attack ...and I just get overwhelmed. However, I have found very long walks make me feel so good. It almost feels like I took a shower, I feel clean and a small sense of rejuvenation. Whatever activities make you feel good, do them.

TREATS - One day my Aunt called me and asked if I was caring for myself. I told her I was, but she wasn’t convinced. She asked me to buy flowers for myself and I did. In a time when all your inner thoughts are guilt ridden and self shaming, the absolute best thing I have done is things that make me happy. Even if flowers don’t make me happy in that moment, doing something for myself has a way of showing yourself love.

DRUGS - I am more holistic and don’t take any medications, caffeine or use substances in any form...well, I didn’t before Diogo died. But I have learned, underestimating drugs is a big mistake. Everyone is different, every medication is different, every reason for taking medications are unique, the point is I treat drugs the way my mother treated serving our guests dinner, “Take what you want, leave what you don’t want and no one is offended by your choice.” Not judging myself for how I get through my days and nights is a beautiful freedom that I deserve, and I would not be copping without them.

ANYTHING GOES- There have been two types of people that have approached me during this very terrible, yet very significant time in my life, those that know what I’m feeling and those that can’t even imagine it...and don’t want to. Everyone who has been through this knows one thing, whatever needs to be done to help me cope, needs to be done, and nothing else matters. I brush my skin now (it’s actually a thing). Why do I brush my skin, because it feels good. Of course it’s supposed to detox and make me live forever with no ailment ever, but most likely I’m just sloughing my dead skin into the air...that I’ll breathe.

The point is, I do whatever feels good to me because I am grief stricken, and that doesn’t mean sad. Oh no, sad is how I felt when Diogo was alive and we weren’t together. No, grief stricken is being haunted daily by my new life. It’s me barely holding in my self loathing long enough to fake it at work. After work, I nourish. I don’t don anything else but nourish my skin and my soul as much as I can, it’s another full time job.

Coping with this is the hardest thing I have ever been through, and I say that after my parents messy divorce, domestic violence, sexual assault, the death of my beloved grandmothers, etc, etc. Coping with this shock seems impossible. In fact, the words I cry into my pillow at night are “I can’t cope.”

But I actually am coping, thanks to my wonderful job, that I love, my family that I love, my friends that I love, Diogo’s family and friends that I love, and all of these great ways that help my body continue moving so I can allow my brain to remember that this Earth is a place that I love.

#suicide #suicide awareness #coping #survivor #i love him #i still love him #iloveyoualways #blogger #writerslife #self care #self love #innerpeace

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yoongihime · 7 years

Text

Down for You

OC x Boyfriend!Yoongi Length: 2.0k (aka not a drabble dammit) Type: Three Word Drabble... Cloudy with a chance of Fluff Recommended OST: (x) or (x) (a/n): FOR @an-exotic-writer BC YOONGI AND RAIN AND YEAH ILY

Summary: Tired Yoongi is a grumpy Yoongi. He says things he doesn’t mean sometimes, but it’s a good thing he’ll always have people to push him back towards the right direction aka back to you <3

Prompt request by anon: harsh, tears, comfort

001. Harsh

Looking back on it, you should have known it would happen eventually. The second law of thermodynamics states that the universe is continuously increasing in entropy, which basically means just means that we’re inclined to be messy and imperfect. It’s human nature. Usually, that would have worked out fine, you and Yoongi have flaws and fallouts, but eventually you’ll end up finding your ways back to each other again. Except this time, you can feel the tension that’s etched into the crinkles between his eyebrows and the heaviness of his eyes as he struggles to stay awake long enough to export his newest piece of music.

“Yoongi, you should take a nap.” you sigh, resting both hands on his shoulders and peeking over at the program that’s running on his desktop, the oscillating lines conveying notes and sounds you can’t understand. Funny, the program isn’t the only thing you can’t seem to understand.

“In a minute.” he murmurs halfheartedly, his gaze glued to the screen and shoulders moving to shrug off your hands. You feel a dull ache at the action, but disregard it, choosing instead to plop on the sofa behind his oversized armchair, studying his slouched form and the cold, illuminated screen.

Why is it that five feet of distance— probably less— can make you feel so lonely? Oh that’s right, because twenty four hours ago he was thousands of miles away, off doing what he loves. Now that’s he back, he’s as stressed as ever, the bags under his eyes so heavy they probably make him slouch. The thought makes you sigh loudly and like a domino effect, Yoongi returns the sigh with a loud grumble.

“Just go to sleep (y/n). I didn’t ask you to stay up with me.”

You glance at the clock, 3:08a.m god it’s almost dawn you realize but you give him a sleepy smile and assure him that you’re fine with it.

“Please? I will concentrate better and it’s annoying to lift you all the way to the bedroom.”

Oh.

“I’m sorry I’m a burden.” you mumble, words as quiet and lethal as the thoughts swarming through your head but he heard it, of course he did.

“I should have stayed at the dorm.”

Ouch. Yep, he definitely heard it.

The bed feels colder that night, the soothing comforter now a bed of needles; each sting of your thoughts causing you to toss and turn until you eventually drift into a fitful night of sleep. Yoongi is not there in the morning, causing the pang to return before you even have the chance to brush off the lingering drowsiness. Well, two can play at this game Min Yoongi.

002. Tears

Equilibrium is a strange occurrence, one wrong move and it’s disrupted, pushed towards imbalance. As it turns out, two can play at this game but ultimately you’re just not cut out for it. Everything about this situation irked you, from the empty “Good Mornings” all the way to the absence of “Good Night’s”, the lingering looks and the tight lipped smiles—you’re going crazy. Perhaps what pushes you towards the breaking point everyday is Yoongi’s nonchalance. He’s the picture of perfect calmness, a boat drifting along the stream, a glasslike surface of water, pristine in his unwavering perfection. However, what you don’t know is it only takes one more drop of water to disrupt the tranquil surface.

Min Yoongi is not a confrontation type of guy. In fact, he’s more of a why-should-I-give-a-shit type of guy, but when it comes to you he’s a wreck. After a solid ten plus hours of sleep, he comes to the conclusion that he’s fucked up….again. This isn’t the first time that his actions caused you to chide away from him but this is the first time that you’ve ever lasted this long without talking to him about it and the fear is eating him up from the inside out. You’re his precious home and the fact that he was the one to hurt you only augmented the guilt-ridden voices in his head tenfold. So he does the only thing he can think of at that moment—he runs.

“Okay hyung, that was the eleventh copy of the mix you’ve thrown out. You’re either going to tell me what’s wrong or I’m seriously going to have to reconsider my skill as a songwriter.” Namjoon groans as he stretches his aching muscles.

Namjoon knew something was up the moment Yoongi barged into his studio at 1a.m. claiming he wanted to “work” but all Namjoon heard was that he wanted a distraction. Amused and intrigued, Namjoon allows Yoongi to pull a plush leather chair into his monochrome work space and began to work. As expected, Yoongi was restless, sheets after sheets strewn down on Namjoon’s dingy grey carpet and curses started to drift from the elder’s lips when the notes in his head are as messy as his thoughts. Exasperated, Namjoon told him to stop and now watches diligently and waits for his hyung’s confessions.

“I— umm… (y/n)..” Yoongi mumbles, his head making a dull thud against the wood of the work desk and Namjoon smiles knowingly. He was never too good at telling people these things.

“Okay, since you seem to be having a little trouble, why don’t I take a completely wild guess and say you had a disagreement with (y/n) and you two are playing the little Game of Silence again?”

Yoongi lifts his head, his cheeks flushing as a result of Namjoon’s all too accurate guess, realizing with shame that this must not be the first time he’s done this.

“And if I may, I would say that you probably said something you didn’t mean— you tend to do that a lot— and she was obviously hurt and now you’re wallowing in self-pity because you’re just being you and overthinking things again.”

Yoongi heaves a breath to inquire exactly how many times he has done this but not before-

“So how many times will I have to tell you that she loves you and is waiting for you right now?”

It’s as if the key was twisted in a lock—a satisfying click of realization struck Yoongi and he’s gathering his things, hollering where his keys are but not before patting Namjoon on the back and shouting his thank’s and bye’s.

“It doesn’t matter how many times hyung, what matters is that it’s not the last!” Namjoon yells after Yoongi’s retreating form, jotting that line down because somehow he thinks another song will blossom after this is resolved—buds blooming after the rain.

Rain pelts against the window sill, a soft patter that makes your heartache because this is when you would curl up next to Yoongi, rambling on and on about how you think the rain makes for a perfect lyric writing weather. A cold chill creeps up along your spine, so you rummage through your shared closet to land on his beloved black sweater. Tugging it on, you can smell a trace of his mint gum and cologne on the cloth, the scent so uniquely Yoongi that it hits you in the gut with a sense of longing. Missing him doesn’t seem like an action but simply a perpetual state of being you’ve found yourself in. Melting into the sofa, you will your body to relax, but the setting only makes you visualize him laying behind you; messy writing scrawled on the parchment of his journal, arms circled firmly around your torso.

A resounding click pulls you out of your melancholic thoughts and for a split second you tense, expecting a stranger to step through the door, but of course it’s Yoongi. I’d rather take on a stranger you sigh internally before you hoist yourself from the couch, the embers of hurt already beginning to reignite with the sight of him, so you escape before the unwelcome tears could come. You turned around so fast that you missed the hurt reflected in his eyes and his perfect facade cracking as he lengthens his steps so he can lock you in place with his arms.

“Let go, Yoongi.” your voice shakes, your heart leaps with elation from his proximity but the poisonous thoughts remain you’re a burden, they whisper. His arms are too restrictive, they encase you with those thoughts and reruns of his hurtful words. There’s no where to escape when you can feel his hurried breaths against the nape of your neck and his hair brushing against your cheek and you want so desperately to just relax in his arms.

“After a week those are the first words you say to me.” his voice is gruff, harsh breathing like he just ran a marathon, the octaves low and gravely which only happens when he’s laden with emotion.

How unfair, you thought as you let yourself close your eyes for a second, sinking into the sense of familiarity and that’s when you realize that those treacherous tears have already escaped past your eyelashes. He seems to be just as affected, tightening his hold around your body and pressing his lips against the shell of your ear.

“I suppose I deserve it.” he whispers against your temple, his lips wet with the unwanted tears.

Min Yoongi rarely cries.

003. Comfort

That’s the exact moment you whip around in his arms, meeting his downcast eyes that are now wide with surprise and his tear stained cheeks. Cold fingers grip your waist and in turn your hands lift to frame his face, pushing away the stray strands of his ebony locks that are covering his shiny eyes.

“No Yoongi, you don’t get to say that.” you chastise, no matter how upset you are with him he should never think he deserves anything less from you.

You swipe at his tears, happy to see that they’ve halted and lookup to meet his eyes—raven orbs filled with as many conflicted emotions as the constellations strewn across the sky— as you try to decipher his words.

“I made you feel like you were a burden.” he breaks the eye contact, hanging his head low in shame because even he himself couldn’t believe he said such a thing.

“It’s o—“ you begin, but he shushes you with a slender finger against your lips.

“Don’t you fucking dare say it’s okay.” he growls, his other hand tightening behind your back, pressing you ever closer to him, as if the lack of distance will make up for the time he spent apart.

“You’re too good to me and don’t you dare forget that.”

“Okay Yoongi, I forgive you.” you allow yourself to melt into his frame, leaning closer to his face that your hands are still framing and letting your lips brush against his, “I missed you.”

He whines when you press a too quick kiss on his mouth, his lips chasing yours after you pull away, making you laugh at his kicked puppy expression when you step out of his arms.

“Well I don’t suppose you missed me that much. You’re so used to being apart after all.” you jest but his expression darkens, as he chases after you until he has you pinned underneath him-

“I missed you more than you know,” he captures your lips with his, his tongue swiping mischievously on the seam of your lower lip, nipping at the flesh, “but the extent to which I love you, I’ll make sure to remind you of it every second of every day.”

“You’re cheesy.”

“You love it.” he grumbles, blushing once again because yeah he is quite the poet when it comes to his muse.

Yoongi holds you close, until both of you are too tired to stay awake, the vacant spot on the bed finally filled with it’s usual occupants.

“Yoongi hyung is going to turn into the Taylor Swift of Bangtan” Jimin murmurs to Namjoon after Yoongi stormed off that night.

“God I hope not, then I’ll have to make them fight every time he’s uninspired.”

“There are other types of inspiration.” Taehyung suggests from across the room with a saucy wink and Namjoon aggressively crosses off Sexy Concept off the list because if there’s one thing that’s TMI between him and Yoongi it would be what goes on behind the “Do Not Disturb” sign.

#bts scenarios #btswriters #kwritersnet #suga scenarios #suga fluff #bts #suga #my sugar #yoongi bear #ugh this hURT #AHA I HOPE YOU'RE CRYING #WELL LIKE IN A GOOD WAY YA KNOW?????#...I sound so sadistic lmao....#1 2 3 drabbles

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