#physical abuse cw

[wri0thesley]

How about D1 for diluc please??

“This hurts me more than it hurts you.” 

cw: yandere behaviour, physical abuse, burning, diluc being mean but thinking he’s being kind, reader wears a nightgown but no pronouns or gendered terms are used. 

Diluc's grip on your wrist is bruising. You can feel heat sizzling beneath his gloves, his palms searing - and you have to be grateful, then, for the little barrier the fabric provides, for if it were not in place . . . you're certain your wrists would be burning as well. 

Your legs are covered all over with thorn pinpricks and cuts from brambles and vines; your nightwear (there had not been time for any dressing more appropriate) charred through in places from the convention of electro and pyro slimes you had accidentally stumbled across. The same slimes that Diluc had slew without a second thought; without having to exert more than a few beads of sweat upon his proud forehead. 

You keep your mouth pressed in a tight line, mulish; after everything else, you will not give Diluc the satisfaction of tears, or begging. No doubt he would only wipe those tears from your eyes with his thumb and a look of terrible guilt on his face. No doubt he would only coo at you softly and murmur quiet hushings and reassure you that this is all for your own good - all the while locking another door, breaking down another escape route. 

You're pulled through the house; your bare feet (this particular escape attempt had not left you enough time to put on shoes, though the luxurious soft slippers that Diluc allows you to wear in the house would have afforded little protection anyway) sinking into the soft pile of the carpet. You must be smearing mud everywhere, and Adelinde will not thank you for that - but you had not intended to be caught. 

He pauses at the entrance to the guest room he has been keeping you in at Dawn Winery. 

"Aren't you going to lock me in again?" You ask him, tasting bitterness on your tongue - but Diluc merely shoots you a look like a wounded animal. 

"I can't trust you," he says, so softly you barely hear him, his voice low and soft. "I . . . I wanted to. I wanted to be a good man for you. I wanted you to feel safe. But every time you stumble into trouble_ on purpose_."

He does not let go of your wrist. Your heart skips a beat as he stands there, his jaw set, as he mulls over whatever decision he is about to make. You do not stumble into trouble on purpose, of course - any more than you'd stumbled into Diluc on purpose, that first time that had set course for so much of the rest of your life. You'd stumbled out of Dawn Winery on purpose, but only so you could be rid of the Winery owner and his burning crimson eyes and his hot whispers of how much he loved you and how safe he was going to keep you against your ear. 

"Diluc?" You ask, hating how your voice pitches on the second syllable. He nods to himself, and then drags your wrist roughly down the hallway. 

Towards his own bedroom. 

"I'll have Adelinde move your things," he says, without looking back. "You can't be trusted alone. You'll bathe with me from now on. I'll bring you into my study when I work and Adelinde will be with you whenever I'm not, I'll have to take on another maid but it's worth it for your safety--"

"My safety?" Your voice rises in panic. You're not strong enough to shake him off, but you try and dig your heels in even so. "With _you _sleeping next to me, Master Diluc? With you by my side constantly, when you can barely stop yourself undressing me with your eyes when you come into my room to say goodnight already?" 

A flush rises to his cheeks, but he pulls you along even so, until his oaken door is before you and he's pulling you inside into his inner sanctum. The blush does nothing to assuage the white-hot fear and anger roiling in your stomach - in fact, it just makes it worse. How dare he act so flippant? Like he is a man with a crush, and not a kidnapper, not a monster?

"I won't," you tell him, tearful (when did tears spring to your eyes? You suppose they must have started around the same time the hot burn of fear made a home in your throat). "I won't, Diluc!" The fingers of your other hand fasten helplessly around the door frame. 

Diluc heaves a soft sigh, and turns. Slowly and deliberately, he raises the hand not currently ringed about your wrist to his mouth, tugging on the fabric with his teeth. 

"This hurts me more than it will hurt you," he says, very softly and regretfully - and you realise with a whimper what he's going to do, as he grabs your other wrist and his bare palm collides with the soft, tender skin. A scalding heat rises where flesh meets flesh, a sickening sizzle and pop - and you are dragged bodily into the room and allowed to stumble away from him, hiccuping out pained noises, until you collapse by his bedframe on your knees in your poor stained nightgown. 

Diluc closes the door silently. He turns the key in its lock and removes it with a click, dropping it into his pocket - but he remains silent. He removes his other glove and places it on his dressing table, and still he says not a word.

And then, he drops to his knees in front of you.

"Y-you're disgusting," you whimper out, cradling your poor burnt wrist in your other hand. Diluc won't allow it to get too bad, but right now you do not want to give him the satisfaction of asking for aftercare either. "Y-you know I won't stop trying to get away from you, don't you?"

Diluc's gaze is so, so sad as he looks at you - a man who has had too much put upon his shoulders. In another lifetime, in another world, perhaps you would feel sorry for him. 

But not in this one. 

"Darling," he says to you. "Angel. Beloved. You know I can't let that happen. You know I would go to the ends of Teyvat to keep you safe, don't you?" You swallow back more bubbling sobs, your chest heaving. "But . . . Ah. I didn't want to have to do it. It hurts me to hurt you, angel. But if it is to keep you safe . . ." A small, sad smile pulls at his lovely mouth. 

And as he reaches down towards your bare feet and ankles - his vision at his hip pulsing to life and his palms bared - all you can do is scream.

#not sfw text #yandere diluc #yandere genshin impact #writing #drabble #ask game #physical abuse cw #burning cw #yandere cw #genshin impact posting

[twochildreninamoteldemo]

he hit me and it felt like a kiss (insp. @bl00dyrust)

#wincest #samdean #lananatural #abusive samdean #spn vid #spn fanvid #spnedit #sweet mourning lamb #natural blood stained blonde #a prayer for which no words exist #psychotically irrationally erotically codependent #abuse cw #physical abuse cw #ultraviolence #maven vids #mine

[clintismoved]

hawkeye + effects of childhood.

Clint Barton webweavings 1/??

credits under the read more;

ocean vuong, "someday i'll love" // hawkeye: blind spot // conan gray, "family line" // fraction's hawkeye // the front bottoms, "father" // fraction's hawkeye // agustín gómez-arcos, "the carnivorous lamb" // solo avengers vol 1 issue 2 // unknown // hawkeye and us agent's grudge, various runs // clementine von radics // the avengers (1963) issue 65 // unknown // thunderbolts (2022) issue 1 // satany, tumblr

@starsnheroes @mastcrmarksman tags myself so i can reblog this @mastcrmarksman

#abuse cw #alcoholism cw #violence cw #trauma cw #physical abuse cw #physical violence cw #WHEW THIS IS HEAVY BONES but I wanted to try putting together a webweaving. and this came to mind. #[ ABOUT ] I guess I just need something or someone to believe in or maybe I just need someone who believes in me #[ MUSINGS ] Go out fight hard screw up save the world a few times; just keep taking the shots okay #[ COMICS ] Now in ink and color ! #[ STUDY ] Clint Barton and Alcoholism

[prettyboyprincely]

And, in a shocking turn of events, it turns out the “anti groomer” crowd is okay with child abuse, so long as it is a cis person doing it

This is the world they want. A world where they can use violence to force children to conform to them.

#child abuse #child abuse tw #tw child abuse #child abuse ment #child abuse mention #child abuse cw #cw child abuse #physical abuse #physical abuse ment #physical abuse mention #physical abuse tw #tw physical abuse #cw physical abuse #physical abuse cw

[ak-illustrate]

Wherever You Run

#OC #OCs #Friend OCs #Mercutio #comics #TTRPG #Long Post #Physical Abuse cw #Death cw

[dykethang]

putting this under a readmore because it's a lot :) but i need it out of my brain

it strikes me again how unbelievably fucked up it is that the mental health system considers me Beyond Their Help and thinks it's a me issue. when the fact that i'm like this in the first place is in no small part Their Fault.

yeah sure we can blame the abusers first and foremost. that's undebatable. but when mental health services knew, and documented, what was going on, put it in writing that i'd never get better if i continued being actively abused, and didn't do anything about it... they're at fault too. it's strewn throughout my records and yet i still took the blame for being mentally ill.

OT/CPS are worse to blame because there's 10+ years of mandated reporters REPORTING IT. at one point they said they talked to me and i was fine with being hit so they closed the case. i was 10 and the person who was hitting me in that case choked me against a wall when i was 15 and threatened to put a bullet through my brain. beat the crap out of me so many times i couldn't pick out anything special because they all blurred together. by that age though the narrative that i was just Bad had really taken hold and anything i said was taken as something i had instigated.

my mother made a post recently crying that the "past is in the past" but how can it ever be in the past for me? i think she messed me up more and she beat my ass far less than the others, because she just looked away, walked away, closed her eyes. sure she did also get physical with me. literally the last time i saw her she threatened to bash my head in with a hammer. but that was somewhat unusual because she deals more in Fucked Up Emotional Bullshit.

the past will never be in the past so strongly that i am just a fucked up and irreparably broken adult who can't get any help from the systems that played a part in making me this way.

literally failed at every step of the way possible. "why don't you just tell someone?" this is why! this is why!!! how are you meant to tell anyone when they look away and blame it on You being Mentally Ill because to them, being severely mentally ill makes beating a child/teenager reasonable, because i was simply such a nightmare for those around me to deal with so of course they'd resort to that.

fuck man. everything sucks. i do think my seasonal depression is partly a trauma thing. because it gets so bad at this time of year and it chokes me

#heed the tag warnings if you do click this but i'd advise not to. just a vent post. #abuse cw #specifically physical abuse #sorry to anyone who's newer to my life. i just suck. i think people should take their leave from my life #BECAUSE i suck so much. it's not my fault that i suck but i still do. #anyway the abuse is the main cw here #physical abuse cw

[velocitytimes2]

No but real talk were any of these billy antis ever ACTUALLY physically abused habitually by a parent? Specifically a father? Because as someone who WAS i see literally so much of myself in Billy Hargrove and the antis literally don’t know the psychological trauma of long term abuse.

#anti billy hargrove #anti billy stans #yeah ill tag you 🤷🏼‍♀️ #im mad man #like fuck stop taking abuse at face value and learn a tragic hero #billy hargrove #its billy loving hour #abuse cw #physical abuse cw

[hxdrostorms]

@wayfaringstrangxr has sent: He sat down in a simple chair in front the man, who was tied in every way possible. Himself being, clearly, a wealthy man, judging by the well tailored suit and his soft skin. Despite the bright blue eyes and he long hair tied high on his head, he had a dangerous demeanor and his intentions were clear when he press the cold blade against Kanon's cheek. "You're not the man I'm looking for." He hisses. "But I'm willing to bet you know where he is." A grin appeared on lis lips, granting him a devilish look.

Kanon had already gone through a roughening up, from Hades' underlings. His body became decorated with bruises and other wounds, his clothes served as further proof of the things he had just been submitted to.

Everything happened so quickly and so sudden as well. He couldn't even get a chance to try fight back, before being easily overwhelmed by them. His lips had dried blood on them, after being busted by his aggressors. His entire body was in great pain, he was certain a few bones must have been broken in the process.

Despite all of it, Kanon didn't show any signs of fear and even less being intimidated by Hades' presence. In fact, the look on his face expressed serenity and peace, as if he weren't at the mercy of the other's will. His blue eyes locked with the other's, and stared intently up at him.

"You, of all people, admit you made a huge mistake." He spoke nonchalantly. His lips tried to take the form of a grin, even though he could barely move it. "You're simply wasting your time here with me, and you know it." He added in the same tone of voice.

"You know my brother, he rarely ever stays in a place long enough, for anyone to be able to catch up with him. By now, he's likely in a place even I don't know about." There was a brief pause. "It sure would be a shame to get that fancy outfit , with my blood."

#verse tag tba #torture cw #physical abuse cw #tell me to tag #« gemini kanon : ic » #kidnapping cw #oh no KLJASBSDKHSDDS #« ship ❣ hades kami ❣ hades & gemini kanon »

[wri0thesley]

re read canicular and omg I'll never get over the slow build up and dissipating of tension when darling realizes all her effort was futile 😭 but with that being said, I hope u don't mind if I ask about a 'what if' scenario

as much as I know this will probably never be a probable situation considering the amount of security kaveh and alhaitham have, I am still curious as to what you think would happen if darling did manage to escape - if only for a few hours? would kaveh and alhaitham have a big fight upon realization darling escaped? or would they save it until after securing darling once more? who's blaming who? and would alhaitham also punish kaveh in some way if he believed this situation to be the result of kaveh's carelessness? what lengths are they willing to go and resources are they willing to use in order to find darling 😭 bc part of me rly thinks maybe alhaitham would make up some bizarre lie like darling is a con artist or something negative of the like in order to get people to report their sightings faster, but I also highly doubt he'd do that.. I just can't help but think he'd be an absolute asshole like that

but I cannot even begin to imagine the punishment alhaitham (and maybe even kaveh! it was so mean of you to scare him like that, you know..) have in mind for darling once they are captured. seeing as the current most severe punishment is the cage.. oh it literally makes me shiver to think what alhaitham might do to darling to break them down after their little escape

i just answered the 'what if they DID' escape question but i am publishing this too bc i appreciate it so much that it stayed with u!!!

i do think alhaitham is ready to make up a needlessly elaborate lie that he backs up with paperwork and all of the other kinds of boring things nobody would ever think twice about. of course, he has to be careful about what lies - he doesn't want the matra involved, and how awful if cyno found darling first and realised what was going on - but he has contacts and knowledge everywhere, on top of kaveh's contacts too . . . no matter how much they run, they won't get as far as they'd like to.

and as for the PUNISHMENT . . . well. i think the cage will certainly be moved into his bedroom (it's currently left in the living room, because alhaitham prefers to choose when he sleeps alone). i think darling will certainly be divested of other things they might have taken for granted - no warm water, sure. no more clothes. alhaitham will deal with showering them and brushing their teeth and their hair and all of those other hygiene issues (utterly humiliating, but . . . well. you can't be trusted). if there was something they had that they were particularly proud of - a lovely painting done with gifts from kaveh, perhaps . . . it would find itself destroyed. he'll work from home for a few days, a leash about their throat, forced to kneel next to him as he keeps the handle looped about his wrist. naturally, they'll be eating from bowls again. they couldn't be trusted with a spoon, let alone a knife. alhaitham almost almost almost wants to brand his name into them, the way one might with a prize livestock. a reminder that they are a pet and property, and so that anyone who does find them out there knows to 'return to owner', so to speak.

. . . that last one hangs in the air, a threat given voice, as a promise of what he will do to you the next time you place even a toe out of line. he does not neccessarily enjoy inflicting pain.

but if it's for your own good . . .

#nat.txt #yandere for ts #genshin impact posting #physical abuse cw

[twochildreninamoteldemo]

And if I had the chance / I'd do it all again

a very late submission for Stevana Pain Event day 1: Sam + physical touch

#this is the 16 sec powerline valley edit i was talking about btw #samdean #wincest #spnedit #maven vids #ethelnatural #sam + touch #sam + abuse #stevanaweek #abuse cw #physical abuse cw

[lunarscaled]

cw child abuse + neglect, disordered eating.

talking about lyrics childhood

Lyric intentionally doesn't discuss their last much, but a lot of Lyric's behavior ( enduring discomfort, poor diet, overworking, dissociation, poor personal care ) basically stem directly from their general lack of stability as a child after they ran away from home.

When Lyric ran away, their father did not report it to the police. He was too buried in his grief, his anger, and his alcoholism to feel anything but fury that Lyric had dared to leave home, and "abandon" their duties caring for their two younger siblings. Claudia was about half Lyric's age ( somewhere between 4-6 ) and Marianne was little older than 3; they relied on Lyric for much of their care the parents SHOULD have provided, but with Lyrics mother ( and their twin brother, Kamille ) dead and their father basically useless, Lyric had to do what they could. As a child of no more than 11 or 12, this was very little. They did not know how to cook, they did not know how to regularly or safely bathe young children, they did not know how to manage schedules or wash clothes or dress them properly. Claudia, with the disruption of a regular life by her mother's death, was likely not enrolled in school; the only reason Lyric's disappearance was ever reported was because THEY were enrolled in school, and after several weeks of absences, the school sent police to investigate, only to have a missing persons report filed. This incident would be the point that eventually caused Lyric's father to lose custody of the youngest children, but Lyric was long gone by then.

Because Lyric's father owned and ran a farm, Lyric had a rough, limited knowledge of wild plants. They had maybe a single guidebook with them when they left that they used mostly as a picture reference, and used it to avoid eating potentially fatal mushrooms or berries. While alone, Lyric basically ate whatever was available: berries, roots, raw meat ( which they got food poisoning from often and probably almost killed them at least once ) until they got sets of matches from a bar in one town and then it became burnt but safer meat, discarded food, birdseed, candies if they could steal them. It didn't matter if there was dignity at stake, or if it could be bad for them, or if they disliked it. They were no more than a child trying to survive. Their available food improves when they're taken in by the Circus, but the troupe was always on a shoestring budget with barely enough to go around, and everyone often ate less than desired. Even now, Lyric tends to not be very discerning in their food choices because it is both a learned survival mechanism and a dragon instinct to eat what you can, when you can.

On top of that, Lyric began taking jobs under the table almost as soon as they could, for any pay, and so they are an extreme overworker. Having nothing to do rarely sits well with them; they have to be completely exhausted to do it. They would work 65 hours a week even if they didn't need to because they feel like they need to. That if they aren't working their current lifestyle will fall through. Lyric is also extremely frugal because of this, and they hate wasting money on something they think they don't need, even if it would improve their quality of life or replace something worn down. Receiving gifts, or being spoiled by a partner, is very difficult for them for this reason.

I've also mentioned before how Lyric has poor self care habits re: their skin and hair, how they engage in actions that intentionally cause themselves discomfort or go against their own wishes, sometimes including injuring themselves in acts of self harm. Lyric would rather suffer discomfort or injury than put upon someone else, even for very small things, or things that someone has already said are okay. They take their position as Guild Leader extremely seriously and feel they can't give an edge to anyone which keeps everyone at a distance. Despite that, Lyric tries hard to be noble and honest and treat people kindly. They fear being the person their father was. They fear being angry and drunk and ruining someone's life. They don't take care of themselves because they feel all actions of self care are like an admission of weakness or guilt, and that they don't deserve it for abandoning their family.

Because of the habits Lyric developed to survive as a child, they tend to do self preservation things in the present. They don't like wasting food; they grow some of their own produce, can it, and store it for winter. They forage in the woods for edible roots and herbs. They do things like eat lemons and compost the rinds, or eat apples including the core, or crack open bones and eat the marrow. They sometimes go dumpster diving even though they're usually told to put it back or donate it if the food is in good shape and not recalled. Lyric will eat undercooked, overcooked, and burnt foods if they aren't told not to. They drink an absurd amount of caffeine and tea and don't get enough sleep. They are extremely anxious when they have to eat around others and sometimes forget to eat when they work.

a lot of lyrics bad behaviors are just things they've always done and haven't unlearned. It's hard for them to understand why they might be wrong or incorrect because those things kept them alive; their psyche is much the same way. they're uncomfortable unlearning those things because they feel unsafe without them to rely on, but it can be very hard for people around them to tolerate that for a long period. Because of that, Lyric always anticipates ending up alone.

#* ooc. #* headcanon. #bc i was talking to Max about Lyric being someone who does a lot of produce gardening and canning. #child abuse cw #emotional abuse cw #physical abuse cw #abuse cw #disordered eating cw #eating disorder cw #alcoholism cw #this is just like word vomit

[antigonewinchester]

Hi! What do you make of the scriptwriters' decision to make John's final words to Dean at 2.01 practically the same as YED!John's at the end of season 1 -words that actually outed him as possessed? it's something that consumes me lmao

Oh this is a great question, ty!! I didn’t even realize just how close the YED's lines in 1x22 are to John’s words in 2x01 until I went back to the transcripts – because you’re right, the wording in these two moments has some key similarities.

From 1x22:

JOHN Mad? I’m proud of you. You know, Sam and I, we can get pretty obsessed. But you – you watch out for this family. You always have.

From 2x01:

JOHN You shouldn't have had to say that to me, I should have been saying that to you. You know, I put, I put too much on your shoulders, I made you grow up too fast. You took care of Sammy, you took care of me. You did that, and you didn't complain, not once. I just want you to know that I am so proud of you. DEAN This really you talking? JOHN Yeah. Yeah, it's really me. DEAN Why are you saying this stuff? JOHN [JOHN comes closer, puts a hand on DEAN'S shoulder.] I want you to watch out for Sammy, okay? DEAN Yeah, dad, you know I will. You're scaring me. JOHN Don't be scared, Dean. [JOHN leans over and whispers something into DEAN'S ear. DEAN pulls back in shock, processing. JOHN leaves, and DEAN stares after him.]

My general take on your question would be: the YED / YED possessing John are both metaphors related to John’s control over and abuse of Dean and Sam. There’s John, their real father, and then the YED, the evil demon controlling him. For John to then use the YED’s words intertwines the good dad and abusive monster together. Where's the clear, dividing line between them?

Particularly for early seasons, and somewhat also in later seasons, I find one of the most interesting reads around possession to be as a metaphor for characters feeling “controlled” by suppressed or repressed emotions as well as revealing of hidden thoughts, feelings, and impulses. Think of Sam being possessed by Dr. Ellicott in 1x10: he’s literally possessed by a vengeful ghost, metaphorically possessed by his resentment and anger against Dean. Particularly around the YED, I see John’s possession as revealing of abuse. I want to cite amonitrate as I believe the first spot where I saw the ‘possession as metaphorical of abuse’ metaphor clearly laid out (and applicable to more than just 1x22: possession as a metaphor for abuse, “it wasn’t really them” as the heart of the metaphor, how it fits into how victim can react to abuse), and it’s definitely an idea / interpretation that I've seen others in fandom argue for, too. For ex, I stumbled on a more recent meta the other day making the case for a similar read: “#like actually. the metaphoric demon as the manifestation of john’s grief and increased substance abuse and the angry man he becomes #is sooo compelling to me #and the demon as a figurative persona that dean places on his dad to distance him when he’s like this from the good dad in his mind.” If John is literally possessed by the YED in 1x22, then metaphorically he’s possessed by his own “inner demons”: his obsession, his anger, his contempt towards what he sees as the “weakness” of Dean’s loyalty to him & Sam, and his respect for what he sees as the "strength" of Sam's rebellion and fighting back against him. For me, the YED hurting Dean and John taking back ‘control’ before he kills Dean feels screamingly metaphorical for domestic violence, and particularly as a revelation about physical abuse that was hidden from Sam, given the theme of Sam learning more about Dean over the course of season 1.

If the YED scene in 1x22 is about, among other things, hidden physical abuse, then the scene between Dean and John in 2x01 is about emotional abuse. John using the YED’s same wording is foreshadowing for the audience: if John sounds like ‘the demon,’ should we be wary? But isn't this the ‘real’ John? So what could John have told or asked of Dean here...? As we learn midway through season 2, what John told Dean was not good, not at all. John says he put too much on Dean’s shoulders, made Dean take care of him and Sam, and gave Dean too much responsibility when he was too young, essentially describing his parentification of Dean without explicitly naming it. Then John goes on to reenact that exact same dysfunctional family dynamic in asking Dean to save Sam or kill him, putting the responsibility on Dean to protect Sam’s humanity and make sure Sam makes the ‘right’ choices while not revealing anything to Sam about his possible 'destiny'. John should have had this conversation with Sam, or possibly Sam and Dean together, but definitely not Dean alone. Instead, it's the same emotional abuse from Dean and Sam's childhood recreated in their adulthood; Dean is made responsible for Sam, his safety, and his actions, while Sam is left in the dark about supernatural happenings that directly involve him. John might not be possessed in 2x01, but he's hurting his children as the YED did in 1x22, just in a different but still horrible way.

#abuse cw #physical abuse cw #asks #dean & john #sam & john #sam & dean #season 1 #season 2 #meta #meta personal #it's quite a compelling comparison & there are so many layers to explore here #there's a lot of. well. bad 'parallels' w/in fandom analysis but this is def a parallel that exists & for a reason! #queue

[fictionkinfessions]

(Warning: this is going to be a lot heavier than most of my other confessions, and it contains mentions of lookism and ableism, disability erasure, verbal/physical bullying and the resulting trauma, and other uncomfortable subjects! Sorry if this is too much.)

Looks like I'm now just using this blog as a place to vent about my personal gripes with the Vocaloid fandom, huh?

Jokes aside, I really want to talk about a huge issue I see with how people portray me. It's not *as* common as the whole memelord thing, but I'd argue that it's a lot more harmful since it doesn't just affect me, but it affects people in real life who have birth defects, scars, skin conditions, or anything else along those lines.

If you take a look at any art of me drawn by Mikuma (my official artist!), one of the first things you'll notice is that my face and eye are... a little fucked up. I've seen a lot of different interpretations in the fandom of what they may be. For me personally, it's actually a birthmark that goes allllll the way down the right side of my body (and there's also a few lil spots on my left side), and that's what gave me my all-red eye as well, but I know that's not canon-canon, and I enjoy seeing the different ideas people have, especially if they're another me! (Fellow Fukases RISE UP)

However, the problem comes when people decide that these things are "too hard to draw" or "look too ugly" or whatever, so they just. Get rid of those things and draw me like Some Guy™. I don't look like that irl, but it still makes me extremely fucking uncomfortable for reasons that I'll clarify in a minute.

Like I said, I was born looking like this. When I was little, a lot of other kids were either scared of me and avoided me like the plague or they just straight-up bullied me, all because I looked the way I did (well, there were other factors too, like my autism or the fact that I'm trans, but the birthmark was most of the issue). I hated myself for such a long time because people acted like and told me that I was ugly, so it made me feel ugly, too. Whenever I tried to talk to someone, I felt like I had to cover my face so they wouldn't get grossed out and run away. I'd get anxious to the point that I wouldn't be able to talk because I didn't want to accidentally draw attention to myself and have people stare at me. It was awful.

Eventually, it all culminated in something that I honestly don't remember too well. I think I was about 8 years old, it was during recess, and there was this group of other kids that I was talking to, for some reason. Things were fine for a while, but then (HUGE TW FOR PHYSICAL ABUSE IN THIS NEXT PART!!!) one of them threw me onto the ground, and they all started kicking me. Most of it's a blur, but I clearly remember them screaming at me to die and calling me a fr//k, over and over again. They just wouldn't stop. I had to be dragged away from them. I'm convinced that they would've killed me if they had the chance.

Obviously, that affected me a lot. You know how I have a cane in my canon design? That's because my spine got all fucked up from that incident, and it still hurts to walk sometimes, so I use that to help when my back acts up (ironically, I have chronic back pain irl too, but it's less severe and mostly due to genetic reasons). I can't hear the word fr//k even in passing, or I start panicking because of it. It's especially bad in-character, but it also makes me uncomfortable irl.

What does this have to do with people drawing me without my birthmark and red eye? Well, basically, what I'm trying to say is that by getting rid of those things, they're erasing the trauma that I've had to deal with because of them.

Not to mention, you think it's bad for me? I've only dealt with this kind of thing in-character. The bullying I've dealt with irl was for completely different reasons and nowhere near as bad. I can only imagine how people who actually have to deal with this kind of harassment feel. Every other Vocaloid released previously and since have basically been flawless picture-perfect anime characters, and when someone like me finally comes along, someone that people with deformities/blemishes can potentially see themselves in, people bash me for being "ugly", "overly detailed", or "too hard to draw". How are those people supposed to feel about that? At the end of the day, I'm just a singing computer and I can't say anything about this, but it goes a lot deeper than that, and I know my pity is the last thing people want, but it makes me sick. It's not just about me; it's a bigger problem within not just the Vocaloid fandom or even fandom spaces in general, but society and its toxic beauty standards as a whole.

Wow, fuck, sorry for the essay. This issue is obviously extremely important to me, so I wanted to go into as much detail as possible. I hope everyone reading this has a nice day/night/whatever time it is where you live!

-Fukase (please tag as otherhearted (although I'm starting to think it's a bit more than that?), #👁❌️🔴)

🪵

#fictionkinfessions #otherhearted #👁❌️🔴 #fukaseotherhearted #vocaloidotherhearted #lookism cw #ableism cw #abuse cw #bullying cw #fandom issue #fanart issue #violence cw #physical abuse cw #mod party cat

[virovac]

Tsunderes + violence is awful

Tsundere-on-himbo violence is an underappreciated problem. But with you generous donation...

jokes aside, this doesn’t work because its like seeing someone hit a puppy.

#Oogami-san Dadamore Desu #manga tropes #manga critical #physical abuse cw

[angorwhosebabyisthis]

so there's something that's always stood out to me: whenever ivan kills someone or fights--in training or for real--he's described as having an emptiness in his eyes, or a 'dead look' on his face.

he's always been one of my favorite characters in LL, so i'd be fucked up about it anyway; it says some really alarming things about whatever's happened while adam wasn't around. but it also sticks out because to my knowledge no one else is described that way, except maybe vatborn. (and even then i haven't been able to find instances of that so far, i'm just going off what i remember.) something terrible has happened here, that much is obvious, but we don't see most of it; it's clearly been happening where adam mostly hasn't seen it either, or at least doesn't notice. so what gives?

...then i was looking back through the scenes where adam wakes up, and i caught this.

I imagine all the strength and combat training he’s been doing without me, likely coached by the General himself.

i'll toughen you up yet, he says after injuring adam during a sparring match, the one and only time in TFL where he says 'i' or 'me.' make your father proud.

oh.

#lorien legacies #ivanick shu-ra #adamus sutekh #andrakkus sutekh #adam makes it pretty clear that the general is in the habit of both hitting ivan and hiding it when other people are around #so it's not like there's no precedent of the general being willing to lay hands on him #bad things have been happening to this kid just offscreen and it fcks me up 🥲 #especially when so much of the evidence we see for the ways in which he's been hurt comes from him hurting other people as a result #he was an abused kid whose combination of circumstances; personality; and personal flaws did not leave him the way out that adam got #instead other people pay the price for what was done to him and the guidance he did not get when he needed it #and you get a fourteen-year-old kid dissociating while he murders a little girl because his father beat him so badly he Does That Now #the sutekh-shu-ras and what they do to the people around them are a god damn tragedy to watch and 💔 #abuse cw #child abuse cw #physical abuse cw #child death mention cw #LL tag #dyn: so glad you're awake

[barillarts]

even more dnd Jakob ft tiefling alice (alice belongs to @artfullysallow)

#ocs #art #dnd 5e #jakob #alice #dnd #aasimar #tiefling #abuse implied cw #physical abuse cw #religious abuse cw