#seriously though wtf how does a dude with a tv for a head have a tongue how the fuck does that work im scared
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Hazbin Hotel Season 1 Finale Thoughts
Honestly, didn't know entirely what to expect going into this. For some reason I remember enjoying the Helluva Boss pilot more than Hazbin Hotel, so I was surprised when the first 4 episodes dropped and I was hooked. I have many thoughts, and a few theories? Kinda curious what others think. (Haven't done something like this before so sorry if it's rambly/dumb.)
I don't have as much to say about episode 7, but there were some standout moments. This episode helped tie 6 and 8 together well with the amount of content they both covered. Songs were all pretty good, the final one was probably the best of the bunch but I'd have to rewatch. I'm not sure anything can top Stayed Gone or Hell's Greatest Dad for me though (unless Alastor and Vox have another duet).
-Alastor. Need I say more? I mean he's clearly up to something, and he made a deal with Charlie to help him in the future. Is this because of the deal HE made before that Husk mentioned? Maybe if Charlie is more powerful than the one he made the original deal with she can break it? Idk, but seems important. Sus behavior, but he does it with such style I can't be mad.
-I really loved how they didn't dwell on Charlie and Vaggie's relationship issues too much, just enough. Like it wasn't drawn out to the point of, okay we get it, you're hurt just talk it out. They had reasons to feel the way they did, but they do truly love eachother so ultimately it worked out. Rosie's talk with Charlie was refreshing. Speaking of..
-ROSIE. Rosie is so sweet! I had no idea what to expect from her, but she's great! Her and Alastor's friendship was nice to see. Very different than the one he has with Mimsie, but he seems quite fond of them both. Honestly the entire cannibal town I liked way more than expected. Susan's antics were a highlight, even Alastor made a comment about Susan. Charlie losing her cool with Susan also made me laugh out loud.
-Carmilla instantly knowing Vaggie was an exorcist was so amusing, because she basically listed all the points fans theories did as reasons for that being the case. Their dance/battle practice was very well choreographed, and I liked the song.
Okay Episode 8.
-Vox's commentary throughout the episode was so damn funny. (I love him, he's so pathetic.)
-I saw some saying that including the before battle scene was bad for pacing but I couldn't disagree more. I'm glad we got to see all the main crew interact in the hotel before shit went down. Angel's chill convo with husk, the maniacal laughter shared between Nifty and Alastor, and Sir Pentious trying and (mostly) failing to rizz up Cherry Bomb. Glad she was included in the fight, makes sense for her character and friendship with Angel.
-The "More than Anything" reprise (along with events in episode 7) helped me appreciate Charlie and Vaggie's relationship a lot more. I think we just needed more time with them.
-The entire fight segment was.. well it was alot but I liked it! I like how we got see how different members of the cast fight in their own way (meanwhile the Vees are eating popcorn). The comentary about the angelic weapons being what can damage them was funny.
-Vox's reaction to Alastor and Adam facing off made me laugh so hard I fell out of my chair. I had to pause the episode for like, 5 minutes. I don't know how I can ever recover from Vox's reaction to Alastor being "Oh fuck, I'm so hard right now." Shit was hilarious.
-I didn't think we'd see Alastor and Adam face off, but actually, that makes a lot of sense. While Charlie should be more powerful, she hadn't used her powers from what we'd seen. (more on that in a bit)
-"I'm about to end your fucking life" went so hard. That line didn't have to go so hard.
-I thought Alastor was gonna die for a sec, I should have known better. But I was still traumatized.
-Sir Pencious. The true rizz master. If not for one other, he may have been the MVP, but he certainly had the most heart. He even got to confess, good for him. Very glad he got redeemed, maybe we will still see him around. Sera and Em's reaction to seeing him was hilarious/precious.
-Lucifer appears to save the day! I wasn't sure if we'd see him but thank goodness we did. Charlie and her dad both ended up fighting to save those they love. His beef with Adam was hilarious, and super valid.
-"It's fuck you UP, Dad" Charlie whispers while everyone else looks at Lucifer with confusion.
-Nifty the true MVP. We should give her a giant flyswatter asap, for a certain moth.
-Honestly wasn't expecting Adam to die . That really caught me off guard. I guess Lute is now in charge of the exorcists, so it'll be interesting to see how that plot line continues (obviously with Lilith, which I will bring up later). Doubt this would happen, but it would be hilarious if Adam respawned in hell as a sinner for everything he's done.
-Finally, Charlie get's some positive press for her hotel and friends.
-"Charlie told me to stab, so I did".
-I loved seeing the team rebuilding the hotel, they're bonding! The memorial for Sir Pentious, and either razzle or dazzle was a nice touch. I will miss Sir Pentious's chemistry with the group, I hope he's able to visit.
-I watched the QnA with Vivzie, and Charlie and Alator's VA's. They mentioned Alastor has alot more going on and based on that final scene with him, and the deal he made with Charlie, I see Alastor playing a much more active role next season. He's very bothered by "the constrains of his deal". Possible villain arc? Hell he could be the final big bad (prob not), but as long as it involves Alastor it'll be entertaining. Meaning he can't double die. I would be devastated.
-I normally don't get into shipping, and I may be biased (fuck you Val) but in all seriousness I still can't see Vox and Val as anything more than friends with benefits. Mostly because I don't think Val is capable of anything more than that. That and Vox is a pathetic lonely man who thinks Alastor ran off again, and possibly died. Velvette will def be using that image for blackmail. This isn't really a point, I just had an urge to bring it up. (realizing as I type this that the Vox tag will be filled with Val as well for a while. Definitely need that oversized flyswatter lmfao also Vox having a functional tongue is... well that's information.)
-Is Alastor's mic permanently broken? I noticed his voice didn't have a filter right after, but I think it returned during the song. I thought I remebered reading that was part of him, so how does that work? Can it heal? Does he lose some power?
- Can't wait to see how Vox reacts when he finds out Alastor is ALREADY back lmfao and don't think I didn't notice THIS IMAGE.
Cause that's def an old picture of Alastor and Vox and I need answers. Not only that, Alastor allowed a picture to be taken with him in it, no static. Is Vox the only reason Alastor is so against cameras? I love whatever is going on between those two, even if I don't fully understand it (other than Vox having a hate boner). Whatever it is, their beef isn't nearly over yet, and with the Vees seemingly wanting to take over, things should get very interesting.
-Lilith what the hell. Why are you chillin on a beach in heaven, what have you been up to? She clearly knows about the exterminations and everything going on. Now apparently to stay in heaven, she has to help stop Charlie?? What is Lute planning here?
Anyway, those are my very disorganized thoughts about the finale. I'm excited for Season 2. Anyway, if you will excuse me, I have some things to draw, and stuff. Probably Vox and Alastor. Probably.
#hazbin hotel spoilers#hazbin hotel vox#hazbin hotel charlie#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel thoughts#hazbin hotel theory#hazbin hotel rosie#hazbin hotel adam#seriously though wtf how does a dude with a tv for a head have a tongue how the fuck does that work im scared#his outfit was cute though
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Hi I really enjoyed you tik tok prank head canon! Is there any way you can make a head canon where the reader calls them bro prank lol. Like how would they react. Can you do Atsumu, Suna, Bokuto and Ushijima please!!!! Thank you 😽
Calling him “bro” prank
Characters: Miya Atsumu, Suna Rintaro, Bokuto Koutarou and Ushijima Wakatoshi
Warnings: none I think
Scenario: how the boys would react if you tried the calling them bro prank on them haha
A/n; thanks for requesting!!! I had a lot of fun writing this one, I hope you enjoy it 😌💕
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Miya Atsumu
You always referred to Atsumu as babe, baby or love
So when you saw this prank on Tik tok you wanted to see how he would react
You were both sitting in the living room of your shared apartment
He was watching a volleyball game on the tv while you were writing an essay on your laptop
He was going crazy talking about a serve one of his favorite teams just did
“Woooo babe did ya see that crazy serve?!??”
You thought this might be a good time to pull the prank off
“Mmm no i didn’t can you go back so I can see it?”
He rewinds the video and you watch intently as he shows excitement all over again
“Bro!! That was so cool” you say as casual as possible
Atsumu’s entire demeanor changes, and the look of excitement he had seconds ago completely fades
“What did ya just call me?” His face filled with confusion
“Huh when?” You try your best not to laugh out loud, he looks completely lost lmao
“Literally 3 seconds ago, you called me bro.”
“I did?” You’re doing your best to play it off
“Yes you did! I hate it I’m not your bro. ” He’s slightly pouting
You slightly chuckle “aw come on bro don’t be like that.”
He looks towards you with a disgusted face, he is evidently unsatisfied with your choice of words
“Y/n stop dont call me that I’m baby and nothing else I will actually ignore you if you call me that again.” He actually looks a bit upset
But you still wanna tease him a bit more
“Fine I’m sorry.,,” you briefly laugh and pause for a second “...bro”
“That’s it I’m ignoring ya til ya act right.”
He gets up and begins to walk away
You’re full blown laughing now “baby baby wait.” You say as you reach out to stop him
His ears slightly perk up at the mention of his regular nickname
Still laughing you talk “it’s a prank. I’m just messing with you. I saw it on Tik Tok
He looks down out you, in disbelief, his frown quickly changing into a smile
Soon after he starts laughing with you
“Chaotic duo*
“That was actually kinda mean babe, I was like wtf why is she calling me her brother”
You start laughing even more “ wtf did you actually think I would call you bro? Never. you’re baby.”
He leans in closer to you and gently grabs you by the waist kissing you softly on the lips “better be.”
You kiss him back and wrap your arms around his neck, he softly picks you up causing you to wrap your legs around his torso as he continues to kiss you
Pulling away briefly he speaks again “but seriously don’t ever call me bro again I hate it”
“I won’t” you answer smiling up at him.
Suna Rintaro
You usually don’t try to pull pranks on him because he normally never falls for them
But after watching so many of these on tik tok and watching the reactions you were curious to try it out yourself
You’re casually sitting on your boyfriends lap while you’re both on your phones watching short videos
A few time passes by when Suna breaks the silence between you two
“Hey babe you hungry?”
You thought this was the perfect time to call him bro
“Nah bro I’m good” you say sounding as normal as possible
Suna drops his phone and gently shifts you from his lap making you look towards him
You ignore him and continue to look down at your phone lol
He doesn’t say anything at first, leaving an awkward silence for a few seconds
Still staring in disbelief he breaks the silence again “pause that and look at me real quick.”
You do as he says and you look up at him innocently acting like nothing is wrong
“What’s up?” You innocently reply
His grip tightens around you waist a bit “did you.. really just call me that?”
“What are you talking about?” You’re trying your best to keep a straight face
“You just called me bro.” He’s pouting
You honestly can’t believe he fell for it hahahaha
“Oh. Yeah I did. Does that bother you?” You’re just trying to rile him up at this point lmao
He scowls at your reply, gently pushing you off of his lap so he can look at you better “yes that bothers me, I’m not out here calling you dude or anything because you’re my girlfriend.”
You can’t help but laugh at his expression. Completely satisfied at the fact he actually reacted to your little prank
Suna is beyond confused “why are you laughing? I’m serious please don’t call me bro.”
“Baby” you gently leans towards his chest as you continue to laugh “I’m totally joking, it’s a prank I saw on tik tok.”
He cracks a small smile before he speaks again “this is the dumbest prank ever.”
You’re still laughing “yeah? But you were hella pressed so it worked.”
He rolls his eyes at your teasing “yeah yeah you got me.”
Still smiling you sit on his lap again and hug him tightly placing small kisses on his face to lighten up his mood
“I promise I would never call you bro and mean it.”
He smiles into your kisses, tightening his grip around your body while he kisses you gently on the lips
“I’m glad you wouldn’t cause I’m your boyfriend.”
“I know baby.” You respond leaning in once again, to close the gap between your lips.
Bokuto Koutarou
You have not called bokuto by his name since you started dating
It’s always a baby, babe or bub
So when you were on tik tok and saw a girl prank her boyfriend by calling him bro you wanted to try it out yourself on your boyfriend.
You and bokuto were tangled in each other’s arms watching a movie together.
The movie was a suspenseful, drama and the scene that was playing had a lot of blood
As you wince at the gore, you quickly decide this is where you’re gonna do the prank lol
“Aww bro look at all that blood.” You say, with a hint of disgust in your voice
Bokutos grip around you loosens, and he quickly goes to look for the remote to pause the tv
He’s looking towards you, with a very large frown on his face
You slightly chuckle “what’s wrong you don’t like the gore?”
“No it’s not that.” He answers still frowning
“Then what is it?” You respond pretending to not know why he’s really upset
“It’s just..... are you mad at me or something?”
You give him a confused look “why would I be mad at you?”
“I don’t know but you always call me babe, or something but just now... you called me bro.”
You’re doing your best to hold back your laughter “bro you sound crazy.”
Now Bokuto is pouting even more than before “aw did you just bro me again?” He dramatically buries his face in his hands “im sorry i made you mad but can you please go back to calling me baby?”
You can’t keep the joke going any further, Bokutos distressed figure is actually making you feel bad
“Baby” you coo as you remove his hands from his face “I’m just kidding, it’s a prank.”
You start laughing out more as you watch Bokuto relax into your touch
He instantly joins in to laugh with you
“Oh my god I can’t believe you got me.”
“I honestly didn’t even think you would notice”
“How could I not, you called me bro!” He replies still laughing a bit
“Why would you think I was mad though?” You question, still chuckling
“Why else would you call me such a terrible name? The only reason I could think of is if you were upset with me.”
You briefly laugh as you lean in to kiss bokuto softly on the lips, he reciprocates right away tightening his hold around your waist
Pulling away from the kiss bokuto speaks again, “do me favor and never call me bro again? I really hated it.”
You lovingly look at your boyfriends face “ oh I promise I won’t, I hated it too.”
He chuckles at your reply as he leans in to kiss you once again
Ushijima Wakatoshi
Ushijima was used to you calling him Toshi or love.
In fact he only ever responded to you when you called him one or the other
One time you called him by his last name and the man deadass unintentionally ignored you
That being said this man is still very stoic and hardly ever shows any reactions
So when you saw this prank you weren’t sure if he would react, the most you were expecting was to be ignored lol
You and Ushijima were out in the store buying some groceries
You were thinking of a good time to causally call him bro and you finally decided to do it when you were at the vegetable aisle
Picking up a giant broccoli you look over to Ushijima, quickly grabbing his attention
“Bro look at this broccoli it’s huge!” You say enthusiastically
Ushijima is staring at you with a blank stare, almost trying to understand the words that just came out of your mouth
“Helllo????” You say waving your hand in front of his face
Ushijima gently grabs your hands and lowers it
Still holding on, he asks in the most serious tone “what did you just call me?”
You’re holding back a smile trying your best to be as serious as you can
“Oh just now??? I said bro”
“Why would you call me that?” He’s looking at you with a confused face
“Because we’re close, people who are close always casually call each other bro”
“But y/n we”re dating.”
“Sooooo??” You say still trying your best not to burst out laughing
“People who are dating don’t call each other bro they call each other cute pet names”
“But you don’t call me any pet names?”
“Babe. I call you babe, that’s a pet name.”
“Well I want you to call me bro.” At this point you’re about to break, this conversation is so funny to you.
“I’m not gonna call you bro. And I don’t want you calling me bro either, I hate that.”
“Come on bro don’t be like that.” You teasingly say letting out a small chuckle
Ushijima once again stares at you, this time he’s evidently unamused
“I won’t respond to you if you keep calling me that.” He says as he begins to walk away
You’re full blown laughing as you run to stop Ushijima from walking away any further
“Toshi wait” you say holding onto his shirt
Ushijima turns around to look at you, still very confused
“I’m totally joking, I would never call you bro. It’s a prank I saw in tik tok.”
Ushijima cracks a soft smile, looking down at you as you laugh
“Thank god, I was so confused by that entire conversation.”
“I could tell, you’ve never looked more lost.”
He gently grabs you to hold you as you guys begin to walk again
“Alright let’s go, we need to finish shopping.”
“Okay love.”
He smiles as he hears the common pet name. That what he loved hearing you call him.
#haikyuu x reader#haikyuu#haikyuu blog#haikyuu imagines#haikyuu! x reader#haikyuu!!#haikyuu boys#haikyuu x y/n#ushijima x reader#miya atsumu x you#suna x reader#koutarou bokuto x reader#haikyuu drabbles#haikyuu headcanons
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sam winchester pride
i have a new fic <3 hiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
it’s s1 sam coming out to dean. was THIS close to making the ending sam ugly crying alone but even though dean Is like. microaggressions boy he’s not going to be a bitch about it all that’s out of character. i think he does try very hard to support sam. like he’s not an ally but probably because he doesn’t really know what an ally is.
anyway wtf am i even saying.
___
Sam has a headache. Dean comes by, ruffles his hair, slouches into the couch. Sam licks his lips, looking away from the screen. It has loud, bright cartoons on it and in the prickling sense of dread he’s carrying with him, the stimulation is too much.
Half of the headache is from a hard hit he took to the head, lingering pain. The other half is stress and dehydration. Unless beer counts as hydration, then in which- well, he’s covered. The screen of the television is cracked through; it’s playing Friends reruns.
He stands abruptly.
“Sammy, I swear to God, if you start pacing again-” Dean warns, throwing a pillow at him. Sam ducks it, somehow. His body takes up half the room. It’s hard to find space.
He can’t help it. His feet get itchy, his legs pull tight, and it’s nice. Nice, to put in his earphones and walk around for a little while. “I’ll go out to the parking lot, promise. I won’t bother you.”
He smiles slightly at Dean, but his brother isn’t much looking.
The parking lot of the motel has the sticky feeling underfoot of summer heat on asphalt, and sweat. The crumbling pollen and flowers from the trees have made his half-present allergies flare up. As a kid, Sam would have allergy seasons that ran out of sync with everyone else’s.
Go three years without a single cold, until one awful summer would come and he’d sneeze and sneeze and sneeze. He recalls: Oregon, in a rainy patch. It had been a relief to wash all the yellow pollen away with the weekly downpour. Another thing about Oregon, he’d had a best friend there. A girl.
Huh. He tries to tuck his smile away, but it comes through like the sun through clouds. Sam looks dumb, doesn’t he? Some goofball pacing around a parking lot and smiling to himself.
After about ten minutes, maybe more, his pace slows. The scenery is getting too humid. He wants to roll back into bed, into those cool sheets.
“Sammy? Is that you?”
Sam kicks his shoes off into the dirty corner. Dean’s left a bootprint on the floor there. If Sam was looking for a fight, he’d say something. “It’s me.”
“You got a call. Someone left a voicemail. For you.”
His voice is sharp, pounding hail on cement. “A call?” Sam replies dumbly.
Dean nods his head over to the answering machine. “I’ll put it on for you.”
Sam’s heart begins to slow to a rolling stretch of highway. The cars moving across it are few and far between and his breath is short and dangerous.
“Sammy?” The effusive warmth dies down after the nickname, realizing Dean’s heard it through. The voicemail, the nickname. “You gave me this number the other day. Outside the Jewel Osco?”
He laughs. It crackles over the phone in a friendly way. Friendly the way he kissed tiny little butterflies onto Sam’s collarbones, the way his house was cool in the summer night.
“I guess you’re a big-time developer and all so I’m not sure if you even care. But I have the jacket you left with me? The other night?”
He clears his throat. “If you want it back, you can drop by.” The voicemail ends.
“You leave your jacket at your friend’s house, Sammy? Come on, it’s just like you’re little again. You want me to pick it up for you?”
Sam realizes two things: Dean hasn’t caught what the message means, and Sam wishes he would have.
“Dean?”
“Mmm?”
Sam has never been able to cry with dry eyes. He can’t hide the shaky undercurrent to his voice. His eyelids feel like cement but he keeps staring at Dean. A flush of fear is blooming high on his cheeks.
“Me and that guy, we’re not just friends. Or whatever.”
Sam went calling for information, at his house. Said he was a real estate developer, even though the back of his neck went red with the obvious lie. The suit was cheap and he was young. He’d gotten the information and then this guy, his name is Jude, had kissed him. Sam left the suit jacket there. He’s glad he’s getting it back, all things considered.
He still doesn’t know what possessed him to hand over his number after buying peanut butter and sandwich bread two days later. A crack in his self control, maybe.
“What do you mean…” Dean isn’t making jokes, at least. Sam squints hard at the floor. His head feels like a matchbox. Being struck over and over again. His headache is back, erupting with a vengeance.
“Sam, is it something- Dad did? Is it something I did? To make you, uh.”
Sam shakes his head, sighing deeply. He wants to be a bitch about it and spit out something sarcastic. “What do you think you could have done?”
Dean shakes his head. Murmurs, “I don’t know,” almost that Sam can’t hear him. “I guess you’re the type, though, Sammy.” Sam knows what he means by that. “As long as you don’t go around falling in love with some starry eyed dude. We still have to find Dad.”
“About that. Don’t tell him.” Sam pointedly raises his eyebrows. Dean doesn’t have a great record of choosing- choosing him, his secrets that he keeps tight in his fists. He doesn’t have a record of letting any opportunity to be a good son slip by.
“Sure, sure.” Dean frowns. “Hey, what about Jess? Did you lead some poor chick on up until-”
“Shut the fuck up.” Sam’s hands are suddenly shaking. Dean leans back. He’s not the shrinking type, his shoulders stay up and guarded. “I’m not gay, I’m- I’m something else. Both, you know?” The inside of his cheek is bitten raw, he can taste the fleshier bits coming alive.
“I don’t think that’s how it works, Sammy.”
The telling was easy; now it’s muddier. Sam wades in anyway. “Who here is the expert, you or me?” The sick dread has risen in his stomach and is now lapping at his sodden brain, pulling him under. It’s hot as hell out but he pulls the blankets over his legs.
“Sorry. Bad take.”
“I loved her-” Dean doesn’t like hearing about Jess and Sam cuts himself off.
“Never mind. I’m going to go get more beer.” Dean leaves.
Sam looks between the ugly green blankets, the TV still on, the white, unearthly light seeping in through every crack. When he told Jess, she lit up with it, went on to ask him questions, run her fingers through his shower-damp hair and let him talk.
Dean bursts through the door. “Sammy, I really do want to say- thank you for telling me. You wanna talk about it more, we can go get your girly coffee drink and we can talk about whatever.”
The aimless tears in Sam’s eyes finally come to the surface. “Oh, come on,” Sam groans. “You don’t have to act like I’m that-”
Dean interrupts him. “Here, Sammy. Here. The way I see it, you’re like Chandler Bing now.”
Sam blinks at him. “Dean, he’s not-”
“Well, maybe not in the show, but everyone knows he’s gay anyway. You’re like Chandler Bing. If you want to go with me and get a coffee, uh, tell me about the guy action you got at Stanford, I’ll be your Joey.”
Sam swipes the back of his hand across his eyes. If tears were blood he would look like a murder victim. Dean approaches him nervously. “Seriously.” He wrestles Sam into a tight hug, holding him for a long few minutes.
“Do we still have painkillers around? I have a headache.” The walls (brown wood and decades out of date) are no longer closing in on him under oppressive heat and thoughts of Jess. Dean isn’t mad. Just- just Dean.
Life returns to normal.
#sam winchester#my fic#dean winchester#if you tag this as ship i'm physically ending you i'm killing you with bare hands#i WILL kill you#spnprideweek
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My thoughts while reading Gone by Michael Grant:
* wait how old is Sam
* He do be liking Astrid doe
* Damn so Sam is a Leader
* Ew Orc is an 8th grader? 🤮
* Ok I googled it Sam is 14
* I like Quinn
* Sam thinks he’s so awkward but he’s actually really chill so far
* THE PAIN THIS GIRL IS GOING THROUGH OH MY GOD
* Poor Mary :(
* Howard’s a bitch
* Cut to Quinn being a racist motherfucker
* I love Edilio
* Sam is WHIPPED for Astrid
* Orc is such a piece of shiiiiiit
* LANAAAAA :(((
* Poor thing is in so much pain
* Patrick her dog is alive so that’s good
* She’s deadass slowly dying
* Thank god her arm is better
* I want to make this into a TV series
* If Sam and Astrid don’t kiss at some point I swear
* Hahahaha Sam do be shirtless rn
* Why isn’t Astrid happy to see Little Pete???
* MARY. IF YOU POUR HOT ASS COFFEE ON A CHILD, DONT JUST STAND THERE AND THEN RUN AWAY. PUT COLD WATER ON THE BURN
* Aw Mary has had bulimia since she was ten :(
* Ok so what she just took her Prozac and then threw up? Wouldn’t the pill go up too? I think your stomach/body needs like 30 minutes to absorb it into the blood stream...
* HELP SAM HES CHOKING
* Bruh my ass would be so exhausted
* Quinn low key an ass tho
* Lol edilio isn’t standing for this bullshit
* Lmaooo Astrid knew 💀
* Omg little Pete has it too
* Wow Quinn is an asshole pt 2
* I feel like Caine is gonna be a villain...like he’s pretty AND nice? Nah bro too good to be true
* Fucking Orc god 😒😒😒
* Caine is up to some shit 🤨
* Lmao hold up
* Diana probably whipped tho
* Sam please only be a simp for Astrid 😩
* I bet Drake is hot
* Aww computer Jack :) DONT YOU TURN ON ME SON
* “The captain is already maintaining” Bullshit 💀
* Are they really gonna call this eighth grader ‘Captain’?
* LMAOOO THE BASTARD CANT EVEN READ OR WRITE 💀💀💀
* Lol making Sam the fire chief because he was brave enough to go into a fire one time, so therefore he is the most qualified
* Bruh that’s like if I gave a kid the Heimlich maneuver bc he was choking on a gummy worm or some shit and they were like “Well because she did that, she should be the head doctor!!!”
* CAINE IS FULL OF SUCH BULLSHIT OML
* PRETENDING TO CRY N SHIT GOD
* I already know that Diana is gonna try and seduce Sam while she’s actually a spy for the private school kids
* Which, btw, of course it’s the private school kids smh
* I feel like maybe Computer Jack will be someone who eventually switches to the Good Side
* ALSO wow jack really be thinking that he’s smarter than Astrid smh 🙄
* Jack is such a smartsass
* Diana is such a fucking bitch oh my god 😒😒😒
* “You don’t look tough, Astrid” STFU SHES THE TOUGHEST OF THEM ALL
* Ok but I bet Diana and Astrid low key have sexual tension. Like obviously nothing’s gonna happen...but still
* Bruh I hate Caine
* Fuckin Diana with her ‘readings’ bullshit smh
* YESSSS LANA 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 so strong
* Literally how do they not know how to make pasta
* “I thought your people ate tortillas,” QUINN YOU RACIST PEICE OF SHIT UGH
* Poor Bette :(
* Orc is a piece of shit, I know we’ve already established this but I wanted to say it again
* I love Edilio so much
* Orc really using a slur against Edilio huh. Imma kill him
* IM SO DONE WITH QUINN. THIS BITCH REALLY JUST SAID “let him have her” LIKE TF????
* Drake is such a bastard oh my god
* If you hate Quinn and you know it clap your hands 👏🏻👏🏻
* No seriously. I fucking hate him.
* Nooooo Bette died :((
* “I can’t kiss you with your little brother watching” AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
* Did they kiss or not wtf
* What the hell is up with this cat
* Ah so they did kiss!!
* Why didn’t I get details 🤨
* No a baby died 😞
* Quinn s u c k s
* How convenient that Sam got there *right* before Emma disappeared
* Those last 6 minutes before Anna disappeared too and was calling out to her sister, and so for what she thought was her last few minutes on earth she held sams hand :(
* Lol Diana sucks
* ‘WoRDs DONT sCArE mE’ shut up Drake
* Okay Computer Jack is definitely going to betray them because they underestimate him and take him for granted
* You’re telling me Caine and Sam could be TWINS???
* Why was the kiss ‘a mistake’ ?
* Okay NOW they’re awkward
* “But it was the first time I meant it” I CANT. ITS SO CHEESY
* I HATE QUINN
* These kids are crazy violent
* Fuck Diana
* Yikes now Sam only has some of his eyebrows left 😬
* Caine is in love with Diana 👀
* Little Pete might be more powerful than Caine 😛
* THESE KIDS ARE CRAZY LIKE CHILL
* Diana: I really dislike you Astrid: of course you dislike me, I make you feel inferior
* ROASTED ^
* Mmmm Quinn is trying to redeem himself
* “Don’t call me brah. I’m not your brother” OHHHHHHHHHHH HE REALLY WENT THERE
* that’s what you get for being a backstabbing asshole
* Poor Astrid :(
* Poor Little Pete :(
* Bro I need this to be a movie
* I love that Sam just punched Quinn like we had no choice but to stan
* Ok drake would definitely shoot up a school
* Fuck Drake
* Lana is so strong. Like she’s been in so much pain physically and mentally, and she almost died. But she saved herself and now even though she thinks she might be the only person left alive on earth, she is still keeping strong.
* What happens if the boat runs out of gas?
* Bruh these coyotes don’t give up
* THE COYOTES AGAIN??
* “Go out” “You’ll kill me,” “Yes. Go out, die fast. Stay, die slow”
* Wowwwwwwwwwww^
* Lmaooo “L.P.”
* Awwww Sam: “...she was still so beautiful that sometimes he had to look away.”
* Okay he a lil’ horny
* Awe Astrid and Sam hugging I’m soft 🥺
* I’m so sick of these damn coyotes
* Bruh these coyotes 😒
* Diana is annoying
* Literally can’t remember who Andrew is, but they’re about to film his passing away like wtf
* Poor Andrew :(
* “You’re a deep sleeper, Jack. Just now, while you were sleeping? I held your pudgy little hand. Probably as close as you’ll ever get to holding hands with a girl. Assuming you even like girls.” FUCK YOU DIANA
* Okay so Diana will protect Jack as long as he ‘belongs’ to her and does what ever she wants? That’s pretty sus
* Sam and Astrid kissed again 😖☺️
* Lmaooo Albert over here running McDonald’s
* Salads disappeared quickly from the McDonald’s menu since this whole thing? Who the hell orders a salad from McDonald’s?
* So Albert kinda whipped for Mary 👀
* I haaaaatttteeee the private school kids
* Y’know what depending on where I was and who I was with in this situation, I might’ve just killed myself
* “Remember who owns you” ew 🤨
* Diana. I hate you
* Bro I feel bad for Andrew
* How is Lana back at the cabin?
* That IS Lana right??
* Okay things are moving fast between Sam and Astrid. Like she’s already saying “I just want you here with me. Safe” like 🤢
* Lana, about Sam: your boyfriend? Astrid: ThAts nOt WhAt iTs AbouT
* LMAOO AFTER SHE SAID THAT SHE SAID IN A LOW VOICE “kind of” WHAT
* Lol Lana be out here like “yeah shits crazy. Get with the program”
* Ew they’re eating pudding with their hands 🤮
* I don’t care how hungry you are, that’s gross
* Like get a spoon or something
* Lana just called Astrid “smart girl Barbie” 🤨
* Part of me is like “lol” but the other part of me is like “bruh stop Astrid did nothing wrong”
* I still hate Quinn but he is kind of funny
* Lana calling Astrid “the blonde” like girl 😑
* Bruh you’re stuck in a house that is literally on fire and getting hotter by the second as it fills with smoke, now is not the time to be kissing Astrid
* Finally the damn coyotes are gone.
* Sam is so angry and he’s disgusted with himself for being so angry, I relate
* Fuck you, Quinn
* Fuck drake
* I would gladly kill Drake
* OOOOOOOOO EDILIO LIKES LANA AHHHHHH
* SIMP
* omg I love it 😩
* Lmaooooo Sams speech wow
* Sam you should NOT forgive Quinn. Especially not that fast. Yikes.
* Orc should feel bad for killing Bette. I have no pity for him rn
* Yes please kill drake.
* I am so happy that his arm is on fire. 100% he deserves to feel that pain
* Aww that’s kinda nice that Albert is planning thanksgiving dinner for everyone
* DAMMIT DRAKE
* I hate drake so much like dude just shut up and leave everyone alone
* Orc oh my god I could not be rolling my eyes harder right now
* Tbh if Orc and his other friends die, I’m okay with that
* What tf is up with this DVD
* Little Pete caused all of this??? 😦
* I’m sooooo sick of this whole darkness and coyote stuff istg
* Where is Patrick?????
* If Patrick is dead imma throw hands
* Diana is such an evil person. Like Drake is a monster, but she’s horrible in a different way.
* Also ughhhhhhhhhh Drake is back 😒😒😒😒😒 so sick of that mf
* “So. When do we go take down Sam Temple?” 🙄🙄🙄 no one likes you Drake
* AHAHAHHSJAHSHSHHSHD
* SAM JUST TOLD ASTRID HE LOVED HER
* AND SHE SAID IT BACK
* IM. S O F T
* (like my brain is still saying “y’all have talked for less than two weeks and you’re 14”)
* But like whatever 😭❤️
* My eyes just rolled into the back of my skull once Diana appeared
* Taylor low key flirting with Sam tho 👀
* When I first met Dekka, I was all: ‘what the hecka?’
* THOSE DAMN COYOTES
* I’m crying because Quinn couldn’t kill Drake because he was scared, and now children are screaming. Ugh I really wanted him to kill Drake but I understand that killing someone is a crazy thing to have on your conscience
* Call me cold hearted, but I would’ve shot him
* This is all in theory of course ^ I bet if I was in that situation though it wouldn’t be as easy as “just shoot him”
* I don’t think I’ve ever been more annoyed with a fictional character than I am with Drake rn
* Yooo I bet Isabella has some animal powers or sumn
* Caine 🙄🙄🙄 like that emoji doesn’t even come close to describing how annoyed I am
* Wait so is Patrick back now or...?
* Caine really just. Kissed Diana. Because she “owed him”????
* THIS IS SOME BULLSHIT
* I literally hate sooooooooo many characters in this book ugh 😒😒😒
* Quinn is watching Drake kill Sam and is doing nothing. I’m so done with this piece of shit
* Ok finally he tried to shoot him
* “You know it always gets me hot when you say ‘apt analogy.’” “Why do you think I do it?”
* Y’all 🥴🥴🥴
* THOSE DAMN COYOTES
* Literally? Imagine being this heartless. Giving up hundreds of kids to coyotes without hesitation. The hate I have for Caine is real
* Once again, Orc feeling bad for what he did to Bette. And honestly? I’m still okay with that
* This kid is an a l c o h o l i c
* Computer Jack is so annoying like dude stop holding on to Sams leg. Literally
* Still hate Diana, but I like that she’s helping out Sam a little bit
* Ew Diana just kissed Sam on the corner of his mouth 🤢
* I TOLD YALL ^^^
* Yay Patrick is alive :)
* “I guess we won,” Sam said. “Yeah,” Edilio agreed. “I’ll get the backhoe. Got a lot of holes to dig.”
* ^im. Depressed
* I cannot for the life of me remember who Cookie is
* “Orc sat with Howard in a corner by themselves. Orc had fought Drake to a standstill. But no one-least of all Orc-had forgotten Bette.”
* ^good.
* Y’all Sam and Astrid flirting I- 🥴🥴
* We love to see it ^
* Awww “we’re going to the beach” y’all Astrid and Sam are so cute
* THOSE DAMN COYOTES
* FUCK. Goddamn this cliffhanger 😡
#gonebook#funny#gonebymichealgrant#goneseries#readingfunny#readingmemes#gonefunny#samtemple#astrid#caine#littlepete#thefayze#gonememes#drake#book#bookfunny#bookmemes#bookmeme#mine#funnymemes#reading#read#gone#gone2008
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We are finishing! Season! 3!! Today is Roundabout day. Season finale, I’m finally gonna be something approaching up-to-date, at least with regards to Kevin, who is the only thing that matters
I’m just going to preemptively say Fuck the Forever Knight sideways with a pineapple
That house looks like something out Dexter’s Lab, if Dexter had been into shoddy constructionwork.
Goddamnit! Think of your neighbors before you build shit that fails that explosively in your garage!
Billings. I should’ve fucking guessed. Your constructionwork sucks and you suck.
Did that man just take a break to build a lightsaber? Stay on track, Billings!
Ben vanished and Max and Gwen had to turn to Phil, those poor two, they don’t deserve this.
(btw is case you haven’t picked up on it, I still don’t trust Phil further than I could throw him. He spent four series being a sack of shit and now suddenly he’s a good guy? I think not.)
Don’t go in there, that machinery looks like it could collapse at any moment!
Max acknowledges the ‘hunk of junk’, does not acknowledge that it’s a danger to everyone and thing within 60 ft of the damn house. We had a pumphouse in better shape that wasn’t half the size and we had it torn down as a safety hazard
“Sure brings back memories though, right Max?“ I’m with Gwen, wtf does that mean?
Max is hiding shit, of course he is. Is it Plumber shit? Immortal shit? He and Phil used to be supervillains shit? Who the fuck knows
“Ever since Ben fought Vilgax, I’ve been tracking the Omnitrix to further study it’s abilities.“ Because that’s not suspicious at all. Especially given who else has been tracking the Omnitrix and it’s bearer for a good while now
(am I saying Phil has ties to the FN? No, I’m just not not saying it)
Yes Phil, many machines work like that, most with any sort’ve radio or wifi whatever do, which we already knew the Omnitrix had by the time Ben fought Vilgax because that’s how the fucker tracked it down. You didn’t find out shit, you’re just taking credit for information that was handed to you on a plate.
Okay, this map on this show is a disaster, but I’m going to estimate Ben is in the Germany/Austria/Switzerland region. But anything could be true given this is the least accurate to real life Europe map I’ve ever seen as far as landmasses
Okay, Phil says Switzerland, I say we head to Austria.
Max he’s already grounded.
Also who the fuck is calling? And why does Phil ‘I’m tracking the Omnitrix’ Billings still have a landline? You’re in the suburbs, man, are you even legally allowed a landline?
Oh look, we cut to the FN, or at least one of his stupid jets. More openly evil than Bezos
Oh my gods that is the smallest round table I’ve ever seen! And if way too big a space that’s clearly not even set up for it! FN you fucking loser!
Okay though, okay, backing up, entering ‘pick at details mode’. The table looks like it’s set to seat eight and it already has at least six. Counting out the FN we have, going clockwise- Kevin, then Vin, then Charmcaster, Billy, and what is probably Simon though if it is I will have to slowly kill a bitch. So, I gotta say, smart move putting Vin between Kevin and Charm, because if those two were next to or across from each other it would probably be unsafe for everybody. Having Vin in particular in that spot is smart because 1) he’s managed some sort’ve management of Kevin before (which is better than FN has managed even if it didn’t last) and 2) he’s bigger than both of them put together so Kevin would have to go through or around him to get at Charm’s throat.
But, on Vin in particular- what the fuck dude?! You get into the evilest looking vehicle in the show so far, owned and run by a creepy adult corporate nasty, see a bunch of kids are involved, why the fuck are you and the children still here? This better get touched on because if you’re actually okay with this set-up you are not half the man I thought you were
If Kwarrel were here the FN already would’ve had his gear wrecked and been thrown out the jet, woulda happened as soon as he saw even one of the children “Why are there kids here?“ “They’re your coworkers“ and out the jet he’d go
Charmcaster, unimpressed
Seats to either side of the FN are empty
And because there is no adult in existence with any of the skills the children have, apparently.
Kevin, also unimpressed and glaring off in the direction of Vin and Charm, presumably at Charm specifically
Oh gods, Vin’s special skill is ‘loyalty’ what the fuck is he a digidestined?! Although I guess when you’ve specifically gone out and gathered up the children least likely to do a single thing you say the way you want it done...
Charmcaster’s spells, if she can manage to cast any decent ones without a copy of Shel Silverstein involved
Billy’s skill is money. Bitch you own three major franchises you do not need the 10-yo for his money. The most dumbass golddigging attempt I’ve ever seen, and I watched OV!
Also nobody is impressed so far. Nobody.
Okay 1) they gave Simon a helmet and he is adorable. 2) I am going to kill every adult in that room. Painfully.
Kwarrel wouldn’t stand for this!
oh my gods Simon is too damn precious how did I not like him in his premiere?
Oh look, it’s a Ben. Welcome to the cesspit, Tennyson
Kevin, not fucking having it
Simon is happy though
“What are you thinking?! He’s obviously gonna betray us the first chance he gets!“ Kevin talking sense. He watches tv, he knows how this goes.
Honestly even without the betrayal risk, you wouldn’t be able to blame Kevin for not wanting Ben involved here. They’ve got the same skill set, as far as FN is concerned, and Kev already very clearly has issues about being seen as the lesser option, which FN has previously played into.
Vin trying to talk sense, it’s not working especially because I’m still angry with you
Kevin demanding Ben’s reasons for being here.
Ben’s reasons being ‘because my family thinks I’m the boy who cried FN’
“Why should we trust you?“ “Because Grandpa and Gwen don’t.“ “What? What does that even mean?!“ Kevin looks about this close to throwing in the towel and quitting right here and now. ‘Fuckit, I’m leaving and replacing you all with a rat’
FN stopping shit before it gets too out of hand
And we cut back to the Tennysons with still no sign from Vin that he has any problem with kids being involved in this mess
“We’ve been tracking the Forever Knight’s movements over the last few months“ “Who is ‘we’?“ “Best to just focus on the task at hand, Gwen“ Max pls
‘We came to the conclusion he was recruiting some sort’ve team’ what was your first clue?
Phil made Gwen a magical girl armor transformation.
Gwen is Pleased. Also dangerous.
The fuck sorta ugly-ass building is that? Did they hire a weaverbird to build it, what the hell?
Kevin, continuing to be a little shit, as per the norm
I’ll admit, I appreciate the transformation sequences if just because they’re nothing special enough for me to note and so it takes seconds off the time I have to liveblog. It adds up when you’re stopping to type every few seconds.
Ben pls
Ben- runs in to intimidate researchers into giving them access to whatever
Billy- already got his father to pay the people to let them in
Again, may I say, the FN has money. He doesn’t need Billy’s! He has his own! He’s just cheap!
Kevin is just gonna spend the whole of part I giving Ben shit
The fuck we looking at
It is becoming more and more blatant that the FN got Simon here by inviting him to a fake birthday party and have I mentioned I want this man to smolder down to ash?
Time portal. We’re constructing a time portal. If this is Paradox’s premiere I’m cancelling this damn series. We can try again when people learn to fuck off on the time travel plots (they’ve been done well three times and all of them were in Pern books)
He is having Kevin and Ben construct a time portal. Together. Kevin does not look impressed by his coworker.
1) Ben you’ve been the dweeb forever. 2) Finally somebody on this show acknowledges Kevin’s mullet. 3) I’m with Kevin on the ‘let’s see if he can keep up’ thing, given one of them built an Omnitrix and the other I’d be surprised to see set the time on a vcr
“You’re the one with a mullet!“ “Yep.“ Oh gods! Oh damn! The fact he just looks so damn smug as he says it, like ‘you can’t get under my skin about things I’m actually cool with’, this little disaster! And Ben just looks like he’s gonna punch him. Are we sure they didn’t swap bodies prior to this or something?
FN starts pulling the ‘you will do as I say’ and that’s when Kevin starts getting prickly. Of course it is. Again, this is why I keep giving him rankers, do you really wanna see how long a Weyr would last if he was on a chromatic?
These boys today. Ben is just itching for a fight and Kevin is... The change between Kevin before the FN threatens to start putting them in their positions his own damn self and after is very pronounced. One he’s being a little shit and enjoying it, the other he’s very... I’m really not sure how to word it, distanced maybe? Like he emotionally stepped back from the situation
Simon you precious little bean, put a happy birthday sign and some balloons on a piece of machinery. And a little party hat.
Billy was not prepared for Simon. He doesn’t deserve Simon.
Well, Gwen is infiltrating shit at the fucking 6 minute mark, which is a shame because I was hoping to have more of her and the adults doing their thing so we could get some more interactions between the child antagonists.
This child
And of course she ends up in the vent right above the lab the others are working in, it’s not like we’ve got another episode and a half to fill.
Seriously, I love her, but I was really looking forward to seeing more of the dynamic between the characters that are already present in the lab and adding her changes the odds there. If they’d waited another fur minutes with her I’d have been good, but this feels too early and is setting my hackles up that they’re going to throw a load of Gwevin into what was shaping up to be a full marks episode so far
1) Yes Gwen, wtf are they doing, 2) I see everyone but Kevin and Ben so wtf is going on there?
Well, she seems to be leaving to regroup with the adults, so there’s hope there
“Watch wearers“ I’m gonna throw that man off something tall
Ooo, Ben’s been promoted to ‘Loser-son’ and also might be losing his nerve? Either that or the just ran out of ways to shoot back at Kevin verbally.
Rush and XLR8
Boys both going at 456 mph through a fucking tube
‘You boys are gonna have to hit 888 miles an hour’ Vin, have you considered fucking right the hell off? Has the FN? I’m with the boys that’s fucking insane
They pass each other in the tube and Kevin finds the energy to still joke on Ben, because some things just matter
SImon and Billy get distracted from doing their jobs by Simon drawing a picture of them and Ben in which Billy is taller than Ben. Billy is pleased. Simon is precious.
Ya kniw what I need? I need a fic where this time/space portal opens up and UAF/OV Kevin tumbles out, judges the shoddy construction, and then fucking handles this mess. I don’t know what FN wants, but I’m fairly certain a bigger, meaner, stronger, more violent Kevin is not it. And so it would please me.
When there is enough speed and lasers going around to cause earthquakes
Gwen has successfully let the rest of her team into the Weaverbird Nest
Gwen that is not a shortcut that is a vent. A vertical vent.
Charmcaster magicking up a portal, for extra specialness
So she stabilized the rift and also made FN a fuckign space/time cuff.
Simon got to her, she’s in a party hat
This child really needs to stop talking like she’s the fairy that blesses/curses the king in a 90s fantasy film
“I will only require on of you to accompany me into the rift. It’s your time, Ben.“ Fucking welp.
Everyone except Ben, Kevin, and the FN has a party hat
Kevin, baby, this is not safe or fun let somebody else go do not let your well-battered pride and your issues get your hurt or worse
“I’m sick of him getting everything when I’m obviously better!” My son. My dearest son. My precious child.
“Are you questioning me?“ Said in the most intimidating voice FN can manage and all I can think is, dude, how long have you been working with this child? Did you not actually meet him in all that time? Was he dealing with a body double. Did you think opening a rift in space and time would somehow change the fundamental aspects of his being that resonate throughout every Kevin that has ever been?
“The grease child is right!“ Okay, it’s official, somebody needs to find Kevin a shower and some soap
Kevin and Billy all for kicking Ben’s ass
And then Charm joins in the fun, because why not
“All this pettiness proves that Ben is worth more than all of you combined“ I’m gonna kill ‘im.
Charmcaster just looks defeated at that line. Like, honest to fuck, stick a fork in her, she’s done.
Kevin, on the other hand, doesn’t, not even a bit. He is straight up trembling with his anger. Or hurt? Both most likely, though I think the anger is in the lead.
Billy, meanwhile, looks shocked and angry at being called out like this.
And Simon looks just straight shocked.
And no response shown from Vin.
Ben, no, this is a very bad idea.
And we cut to the old folk and Gwen.
Welp, looks like everyone is all together
The ‘good’ news is half the children really wanna hit something right now. Especially Kevin.
‘Take out the Tennysons to prove your worth’ Welp
And there our hero goes with our Big Bad
I think we’ve hit part II and it only took like 3.5 hours. I’m gonna be a while longer I think.
Ancient Egyptians telling ancient Egyptian bad jokes
Gotta give the show one thing- at least it’s Egyptians are black
Also too drunk to be impressed by two weirdos stepping out a glowing purple portal. I can’t even roll my eyes because somebody needed to laugh at the FN
Ben: Unimpressed by FN’s taste in vacation spots
FN is using Ben to track alien attempts to contact Earth. The first of which was here, apparently.
Also this adds a whole new level of jackass to his behavior towards the other kids, given he could’ve very easily and truthfully pointed out that he needs a feature on the Omnitrix that Kevin’s watch presumably doesn’t have, but instead used the whole thing as an opportunity to tear the other kids down further. tl;dr: I cannot wait to see him become reboot!Kev’s first kill
We want to prevent the alien contact. Why? Who the fuck knows. Who the fuck cares. I want to stop him just out of spite.
And so we learn that he wants to get rid of all Omnitrixs so that he can take over Earth. Wonder how that would play out with regards to Kevin’s watch though. Because his didn’t come from space, to my knowledge we don’t know where it came from. Fuck, it could be contact from another dimension that lead to it (I mean, you saw OG!Kevin, whose to say Reboot!Kevin doesn’t also have some serious weirdness going on there that, combined with the fact his house has two radio towers in the backyard, that could lead to him getting messages from other dimensions like that). tl;dr: If FN succeeded, would that just lead to him having to worry about a Kevin he can’t use Ben against, rather than Ben himself?
‘Forever Nut’ that’s a good one, nice job Ben!
‘Forever Losers’ Ben’s on a roll
Ben out to kick this man’s ass
“I’m too powerful“ I really wanna drop OG!Kevin on this dude, I really do. Or fuck, can you picture him vs Kevin 11k? He’d be drawn and quartered, possibly eaten, within a minute and a half.
Well, there goes the Sphinx
Timed out and still raring to go
FN comes all the way out to ancient Egypt to stop aliens making contact, turns out they didn’t even do it
Kidnapping the child
Back to the present day, in the lab, with the fighting about to begin
Charmcaster and Kevin v Gwen. Charmcaster is already smug. Kevin, meanwhile, is offering her the chance to back down and not get hurt. Which, for Kevin, is pretty nice.
Billy and Simon v Phil. Is certainly a thing, but nothing interesting
Vin v Max. Both using the concept of ‘family’ against each other. Forklift v forklift. I wish I was surprised.
FN and Ben are in renaissance Italy now. Florence specifically.
Ben: I will stop you!
FN: Kid I already kicked your ass.
Ben: Well you’re gonna have to do it again!
Oh look, it’s the descendants of those two guys from ancient Egypt. It’s nice to see that their friendship has carried down through the ages.
“Serve your leader” has that worked on any of the people you nabbed? Besides maybe Vin? Because I’m fairly certain if you called yourself Kevin or Billy’s ‘leader’ to their faces they’d come at you harder than Ben is
FN, so far you have gone to two places and times, neither of which was where aliens made contact. Have you considered, quite possibly, that the problem is you?
You know Kevin is in a foul mood when he’s down to destroy Gwen.
Gwen, trying to give the ‘FN is a using pos’ realization to at least Kevin
Charmcaster interrupting her and also do you really think you of all people are the one who should be trying to bolster Kevin’s confidence? I mean, your history with him is enslavement and reading his private poetry to a crowd. You should be glad he’s not going after you.
Vin v Max, moved on to segway racing. And slapfights.
...small Phil and Max. By which I mean like, late teens. Apparently this is the third ‘alien contact’ option. Also Phil built that deathtrap as a teenager and he’s living in his parents’ old place. That is an old-ass suburbs given we don’t know how the fuck old these two are
Oh for fuck’s sake, have you considered getting a fucking hobby Forever Bitch? Take up scrapbooking or something, get into Minecraft
We’ve still got 7 minutes btw. We’re going faster in this half, but we’ve still got a third of the episode to go
Ben Shockrocking it up
Vin vs Max take 3- racing matchbox cars
Max decides to have a conversation with Vin, find out why he’s working with FN despite the latter being about as pleasant as a rabid zombie skunk in your pillow.
...1) Vin has a child. 2) That child is grown. 3) That child is a lawyer (congratulations Mr. Vin’s Kid) 4) Between said lawyer child moving on with their life and LaMoron being a dick Vin was lonely so he joined up.
“This is the closest thing to a family I have now“ One would think the fact you have a child would say otherwise, but if the fact that you seem to be totally fine with a bunch of kids being drug into this mess, including a 6-yo, says anything about your parenting then I’m not really surprised.
Max offers to let him become a Tennyson, which, if the family reunion episode is anything to go by, he may already be
Max and Vin are friends now. Phil is still being pursued by children. And Charm and Kev are still trying to take Gwen out.
“Once I finish you off, Forever Knight will easily choose me over Tennyson“ Oh Billy no... Have I mentioned I really wanna kill hat man? Painfully?
Simon is about to obliterate a man for the chance at being best friends with Billy. I would be even more concerned if he wasn’t FUCKING SIX-YEARS-OLD, VIN
Phil is going to survive via appealing to Simon’s inner and outer juice-loving six-yo
Welp. Sorry Billy.
Ooo, Gwen almost blasted Charm before Kevin deflected it, good job son!
“Kevin finish her off“ Bitch you finish her off
“Why? All we were supposed to do is keep everyone away from the portal.“ My son talking sense and also notably sticking only to orders. Out of spite, because he wants to, because the last time he tried to bend orders the FN nearly killed him? (and do any of the others know that that’s a risk I wonder, that if the FN doesn’t feel you’re doing your job ‘right’ he’ll decide to just off you)
“You’re soft“ You’re the one that wanted him to do the dirty part, Charm
Charm tries to kill Gwen and Kevin just fucking, shatters her amulet in retaliation.
Charmcaster: This is why you’ll never be Forever Knight’s right hand!
Kevin: I handle things my way.
I love my child.
Kevin literally just used his last second before timing out to vine Charmcaster to the ceiling
That moment when you have a crush but hate that you have it, I recognize the look. Been there.
“Well yeah, I’m not a monster.“ On the topic of saving Gwen. My precious child
Gwen: *heading for portal to figure out what’s going on*
Kevin: *heading for the portal because he’s got revenge to take*
Somebody needs to kick FN’s ass. And then eat him. Slowly. Painfully.
FN damn near killed Ben before Kevin fucking saved his life! Literally, man was gonna strike Ben down!
“I’m here for that ungrateful tin can!“ Yesss!!! My son!! Kick his ass!
Gwen is helping!
“You wanna know why I didn’t choose you? It’s because you’re just a cheap Tennyson knock-off.“ .....
.....
......
........
..........this motherfucker gotta go
Ben joins the fray!
“Cheap knock-off, huh?“ I, for one, am proud to be here for my son’s first kill
FD does not get to stop alien contact because he’s being dogpiled by a bunch of pissed-off preteens. Good.
The children got a hold of FD’s portal control. Gwen is gonna be working portals, Kevin is on ‘keep the FD from killing Ben’ duty. This was his decision. Which says a lot about how he feels about the FD
Kevin, looking for some sort’ve explanation for the fact FD is a dick and will always be a dick, because this is what abused children do
“I was the best fighter you had.“ “You were only a useless pawn.“ “I’m nobody’s pawn!“ My son
Battle in the rift
FD demands Kevin hand over the Tennysons “and make yourself for once“. Gwen is concerned he may do it when I believe anyone who can read facial expressions and/or a room knows who he’s growling at
“Kevin, think about this, you’re not a bad guy!“ “See, that’s where you’re wrong“ At which point Kevin lets go of the Tennysons and fucking dives at Forever Dipshit
Kevin sacrifices himself to take out FD and what’s Ben’s reaction? “Kevin, no! I’m the cool one!“
These fucking children.
“And Kevin steals the spotlight again“ “You really wanna be trapped in the past?“ “Alright, I’ll let him have this one“
Glad to see Ben recalling the tale. Glad to see he’s still grounded. Gwen is Good. Fuck off Vin.
1) the portal is still open 2) FD’s helmet came through it. Whether that’s because Kevin threw it through it as he beat the living hell out of him remains to be seen
And season 3 is over.
11/11, because my son fucking deserves it no matter what else goes on
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Okay I know that kingdom hearts has a bad reputation for sticking crucial plot information on obscure spinoff games but HOLY SHIT I just finally watched a lets play of the fuckin digimon tcg game and found out it ACTUALLY HAS A GODDAMN CONCLUSION TO ANALOGMAN FROM DIGIMON WORLD 1
like 90% of the damn game has no plot whatsoever let alone indicating its a digimon world sequel! and then suddenly in the last battle without being foreshadowed whatsoever analogman returns and gets possibly the best boss battle ever IN A GODDAMN TCG GAME
holy shit his whole fight is framed as ‘this is literally the same guy from digimon world 1, hacking another game’, the interface wigs out and a bunch of fake command windows pop up with rapidly scrolling code of the game supposedly falling apart. And then his boss battle flips the entire gameplay system on its head by giving him fourth wall breaking special moves that pull overpowered effects by “hacking the engine”, with cool animations to fit. Fuckin badasssss!!
and it also fuckin FINALLY EXPLAINS THE DAMN PLOT LIKE GEEZ
digimon world’s conclusion was so rushed, you never even meet the villain until the final battle and it ends all weird with just “something” going wrong that causes him to get sucked into a portal or something while screaming dramatically in weirdly high resolution terror faces??? the tcg game confirms that this was him attempting to flee back to the human world after you defeated him, but one of the stray attacks from the battle damaged his machine and it caused him to essentially commit accidental suicide when he turned it on.
and HOLY SHIT MY FUCKIN OBSCURE HEADCANON IS TRUE????
the game had some sequel bait hints that maybe analogman is somehow still around and that the portal explosion just turned him into “corrupted data” so he can never return to the human world. and i always thought it would be super ironic if he actually got turned into a digimon aka the thing he hates more than anything
WELL OKAY I GUESS CRITICAL LORE IN A TCG GAME IS OKAY WHEN ITS A BIG YES BUNNI U THEORY BE CORRECT
he appears in this game as a malomyotismon who does a damn good vexen face during the fight, lol. And he’s all “gahh that stupid kid ruined my plans but this accursed body at least improved my hacking abilities!” Tho its implied that his corrupted state is more like a bodyless cloud of data that can possess/copy different digimon, which would be REALLY FUCKIN CRITICAL to explaining the goddamn plot of Digimon World Next Order!
Seriously wtf is up with this series? Digimon World 2 is not the sequel to Digimon World 1, all the numbered games are entirely separate individual stories with wildly different genres from pet sim to roguelike strategy. The real sequel is fucking DIGIMON THE CARD GAME THE GAME and then Digimon World Next Order a bazillion years later for the ps4. In which i am STILL REALLY SALTY that they have a FUCKIN RAD remix of analogman’s boss theme yet he doesn’t appear in the game. The added context of this damn tcg game confirms once and for all that the Ambiguous As Fuck Ending actually WAS him appearing in the game, this unexplained “oh wait the villain was good all along and he was just possessed by an evil virus” was supposed to be corrupted-digi-analogman and seriously WHY DONT THEY JUST FUCKIN EXPLAIN IT!!! this tcg game wasnt even released in europe!! and even american fans probably had no clue it was linked to this entirely separate subseries! You have to friggin piece it together with context clues like the battle music and the fact analogman’s signature mon was machinedramon. I mean vjesus christ Next Order is a litera; sequel with the grown up version of Digimon World’s protagonist as a badass home ec teacher who still defends the digital world in his free time yet you couldnt spare ONE LINE OF DIALOGUE mentioning the name of the villain?? and summarizing the fuckin tcg game everyone missed??? AND CONFIRMING THAT THE VILLAIN IS INDEED MAKING A REAPPEARANCE POSSESSING THIS GUY??? oh god everything makes SENSE, thank you terrible card game adaptation. ehh but i do still love Next Order for making Hiro/Mameo’s canon partner Mamemon, he’s even more badass as this big tough bishie version of himself with a tiny adorable pal that can shoot rocket fists through space and time. (its funny tho cos the DW1 intro movie showed metalmamemon and metalgreymon and the american boxart flipped a coin and decided metalgreymon must have been the one the protagonist was using in that scene. Whoops!)
anyway even with the added context that IT WAS INDEED GODDAMN ANALOGMAN, the final boss fight in Next Order was as terrible as the rest of the plot. So I’m glad trash gramps got a suitably badass boss fight after all, even if it was a CARD GAME VERSION! lets all celebrate the awesomeness of this obscure fuckin spinoff game’s obscure fuckin intercontinuity cameo with the boss fight music that other game wasted
youtube
seriously fuckin hell the biggest challenge in that final boss was that i was so distracted by SHEER OFFENDEDNESS at the cool music not matching it that it was hard to keep focused
its not just a great boss theme for a terrible boss, its a really fuckin EMOTIONAL song for anyone whose childhood was fuckin defined by the first game!!!
and look you had a PERFECT FUCKIN EXCUSE for a REALLY GOOD boss battle against MY MAN GRUMPY GRANDPA OF THE COOL DAMN NAME. Seriously guys analogman was THE FIRST digimon villain! digimon world came out before the anime, digimon world was the BETA FOR THE ANIME! this was the first place they had the ideas for file island, so much of the areas in the game are awkwardly mistranslated versions of stuff that would later appear in the anime in a different form. before this digimon had never been anything more than a fuckin 2-bit graphics tamagotchi and this was (after the manga) only the second goddamn time these monsters had an actual full colour character design! all of those charmingly janky 90s gross out show styled tcg illustrations? that was concept art that this game was working from! fuckin hell this game thought up the idea for metalgreymon’s changed design that ended up becoming the iconic partner of tai in the anime. (you can also see beta tai in the manga with a beta veemon as a partner instead! o_O)
SO LIKE...
JUST....
I HAVE FEELINGS ABOUT ANALOGMAN OKAY!!! he’s a badly written guy with only like five sentences across all the videogames but fuckin hell he was such an Iconique part of the development of this series that they named him fucking ANALOGMAN
like dude you could have SO EASILY made me scream at my tv in a more positive way by bringing him out as the surprise villain and showing us wtf his deisgn is even supposed to look like cos god all we have is a blurry faceless early ps1 model buried under the glow filters of Mt Infinity’s funky background effects.
AND FUCKING
IF IT IS CANON
THAT MY FUCKIN
STUPID THEORY
IS CANON
slap a fuckin O on this man and LITERALLY LET ME BEAT HIM UP
like dont even give him a team or anything, just let me fight THE MAN HIMSELF
you canonically fuckin said he’s a digital ghost now and basically the same as a digimon
let me beat the shit out of a regular businessman in a suit and tie while he pulls his badass ‘i’m hacking the game i’m in’ bullshit from the GODDAMN TCG GAME THAT WAS MORE CLIMACTIC THAN YOUR SHITTY CASH GRAB FAKE SEQUEL
man god i didnt expect a fuckin TCG GAME to revive my righteous fury from back when i first played that piece of shit. i hate it cos Next order is so pretty and its gameplay is so good and i really loved my twin digis but there were SO MANY bugs and cut corners and missing content and really bad writing and GOD it made me so sad that the dub team really really tried, they tried so hard that they got fuckin renamon’s original voice actress back even though the renamon in this game has nothing to do with the anime one. THE DUB WAS REALLY GOOD BUT IT COULDNT SALVAGE THAT SCRIPT!! THE MUSIC WAS REALLY GOOD AND THE ART WAS REALLY GOOD AND THE DIGIMON THEMSELVES WERE MY BEST DAMN FRIENDS FOR THAT MONTH OF MY LIFE BUT THE GODDAMN FUCKIN SCRIPT!!! the postgame was MORE FUN because FINALLY everything opened up like the sandbox of the first game and you could just fuckin hug u digis without being distracted by constant cutscenes butchering your childhood nostalgia
man i wanted to write a fic/draw a comic about my headcanons on how to fix it but i never managed to do it cos holy shit it was basically “throw everything out and make a different game geez” I COULD RAMBLE FOR HOURS ABOUT THE ENTIRELY DIFFERENT SEQUEL THIS SHOULD HAVE BEEN!! and a fuckin!! tcg game!! was closer to that sequel!!!
and fuckin MY THEORY WAS RIGHT AND MY BETTER GAME IDEA ACTUALLY WOULD WORK IN CANON
fuck it im gonna do draw myself decking business gramps in the face
oh! and the female protagonist design! thats another rare good part of that thing! i loved the pixellization effect on her ponytal, way better than the male equivelant having a very ordinary costume design just with a pixel corner taken out of his jacket. also why did the plot never actually make a thing out of that? like you’d think that ‘unlike every other digimon tamer i’ve got this scar of my digitization’ would be a plot point. like they didnt give everyone else a cool pixel squares mark! they could have at least used it as an excuse why the protagonist is the Only Chosen One who can do all this plot shit. or if it was me i would have made it early foreshadowing for the Return Of Business Gramps, like you were partially infected by the Oooo Mysterious Unexplained Digi Virus (seriously why did they not just have ONE SENTENCE explaining its the fuckin original villain returning????) during the prologue and i dunno somehow that gives you powers to break analogman’s control on the digimon he possesses. or maybe the pixel thing is like a tracking device he put on you? or just give that cool design trait to the protagonist of digimon cyber sleuth instead, whose entire plot is that theyre a digimon human hybrid with literaly the power to pixellize themself into computers.
ALSO!!! actually do something!!! with mameo!!!
they really fuckin hyped up in all the prelease materials that the digimon world 1 protagonist was gonna be in this game and he’s all grown up now. and then he does NOTHING in the plot except babble exposition and stand around your home base. and has one line about how he’s a badass teacher now and his partner is mamemon but hey we made a bullshit excuse for why his digimon is sealed away and he never gets to fight :<
give me an actual cool teamup of new protag girl and her cool teacher dude beating the shit out of business trash with their bare fists and also their digimon’s bare fists while THE BEST DAMN MUSIC GOES UNWASTED
...fuck i sure do Feel Intensely about nostalgic games lol. i wonder if i’ll be so rambley when i play kh3? maybe itd be a really shitty lp, aaagh...
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I got in touch with my 1st love a couple months ago..hes a half native American & white dude, pretty pudgy now like triple the size of himself in middle school lol. Doesn't have much time left on this earth I feel for him, im glad I know now cause if I hadn't it probably would've been alot more devastating. Doesnt have to wear a mask cuz really whats the point. We met for coffee, got to hang out at the mall & he visited my work, we did talk & clear the air..got some things out that were left unsaid & i gotta say it really did help & we're better for it 😊 we're now cool & no hard feelings.
We used to be on & off in hs but the last time I broke it off with him for good reasons & also due to my mother 😒 If it weren't for him & our own experiences, & then every guy since...I would've have known how much I really love or attached I can be to someone (which has been all of them really but does disintegrate over time & going into new relationships they become just a distant memory as the yrs go by & then ur all about the new guy 🤔 basically right) or how unattached I can get when I just dont love them anymore...(of which has only happened twice)
For the record I've had 5 relationships my whole life...not counting flings..out of 2 they broke up with me.. & they so happen to be the ones i fell hard & fast for...its a common theme but they are the best ones I've experienced & I think I have a confirmed type now that I think about it lol. Im thinking too much again, but..they're top tier unforgettable.
I fell damn fucking hard this time around just like I did Thomas..don't think I got enough of him either...😤 seriously wtf is it with these charming & hilarious, headstrong, smart ass, string bean, stoner, Leo men fucking my heart up after only a few months time! What is the universe trying to tell me! I swear to God in another lifetime they would've been friends its an incredible likeness. History repeated itself it seems..I was so in love with him too, we were only 19 but omg he was awesome & we were ALL OVER EACHOTHER 🤤. He was my coworker, a red headed skinny bobblehead tho, & lived in my apt complex his best friend Danny boy did too in his own, hard core Call of Duty players I remember they high jacked my tv for optimum experience...😒 walking the tv across the parking lot was super sketchy looking lol.
Anyway after Thomas broke up with me for saying the L word "too soon" it freaked him out I guess & my brain cracked from the devastation...doctors are convinced it was the weed 😒 and apparently I ODd on Tylenol...crock of bs btw but whatever...i couldn't sleep & for days I was in a haze til I finally called my aunt for help & all of a sudden I was locked away in a psych ward for 2 weeks so they could observe what was wrong & diagnose me. Had to quit pima college & stop working, put everything on hold for my health. After I came back, Tom admitted he wanted me back but he hated my 1st love with a passion. I confessed I was back with my 1st as he was there at my side & visiting..when Tom had no idea where tf I was, me missing worried him sick. I had no clue & for all I knew he forgot about me while I was grieving over us in the hospital (I couldn't have my phone..knew a select few #s by heart otherwise he would've been the 1st I'd call), I was still dazed & super fucked up from the hospital..just outright exhausted when Thomas came to my apartment wanting to try again....yea I messed that up though regretfully. I told him the truth...I know it hurt him, hurt me too. Never saw Thomas again 😔 he was my 2nd, wonder how he is.
After I broke up with my 1st there was like a 1 or 2 month relationship with a fat Irish dude named Patrick I met from college, he insulted my mom..kicked his ass the curb 😂 yea she chased him away too just like my 1st...but an Irish version..was kinda a deadbeat anyway good riddance. I was alone for about 5 years after that til eventually met my ex-husband matt & was with him for technically 7 years & then that ended.
Long story short I was hit with another love bomb over the past year (T2.0 lol) & the fallout is taking forever to disapate lol...well good technically I don't want it to yet lmao, it feels good to love someone with a full heart except for the fact they ain't here 😔
I love genuinely & with a full heart, ive never had a problem with love, except for my abusive mother I sought approval for....never have I been with someone that didnt want it...didn't want me, until him. If someone shows that to me in a relationship it hurts me at the roots, u don't understand how much it brings out that little girl that just wants to be loved back..to be wanted. It hurts to think im not even worth that. I realize though that he may have his own issues to get past first b4 he can learn to give it back & its not my fault. I should on some things honestly but I don't blame him..not anymore. I blame my own trauma that made me so fucking sensitive & off-putting to him, going from 1 relationship to another without healing first, & not knowing how to function walking on eggshells around a new person trying not to piss them off...not knowing how to do a fresh relationship from the start again....when you've been with 1 person prior for 7 yrs.
I grew up being beaten as a kid, I have no father, my mother chose drugs over her own children, everybody in my family arent like a hallmark card far from it...its fucking tucson ok it's a hell hole. A good amount are notorious for causing trouble around the city, nobody talks to eachother..stays away & fends for themselves, or just killing themselves with drugs & selfishly hurting people around them. Very few of us are really trying to make it out & create life for ourselves but it's really hard to escape because we're all struggling. I cry because I've been strong for way too long on my own, I cry when I think im not good enough. Besides some relationships & friendships along the way for support guess who's always taken care of herself to survive, yours truly. It's a huge accomplishment that I've never been homeless, only a couple times have I had to rely on a friend or family member for a roof over my head & that was just 2020-2021,boy is it good to have connections during a pandemic phew, alot more tough to find someone willing to help. My big sis Lisa, my mentor assigned to me at 12 yrs old cuz my mom couldn't be a real parent lol...she says im a strong princess thats gone through hell & back, she's seen me do it countless times, she can attest to how much of a boss & survivor I am...she knows I deserve nothing but to be appreciated,respected, valued. I'm underestimated all the time because apparently people think they can read what kinda person I am just by looking at me or by word of mouth, hell no very doubtful screw u lol... i don't need anybody's belittling opinions of what kind of person I am ok, how about talk to me & ill see if u in the ballpark lol cuz I guarantee im a boss ass goody 2 shoes that can kick butt 😊. So listen here, I know my worth & I deserve a prince to keep me safe from the big bad world right? I need an actual shoulder to cry on not someone that'll walk away when I need them most 😔 Why tf do I feel like rapunzel & all I get is fuckin Flynn 😂 I'm a queen ok, hear me now.
This will be my 3rd own rented apartment. The 1st time I was a teen & imancipated...had that place for a few years 1st & 2nd love era, 2nd time was the escape from my mother as an adult & I moved away eventually got married. And now at another turning point in my life... escaping a very different hell & losing pretty much everything including the man that started it all, 3rd time is the charm right. Fuck my life sidewinder style. Honestly this is the best apartment complex I've found that I want as my home....its gated nothing can touch me from outside unless I say so, so at least im secure to a point.
Why am I talking and not sleeping 😐 I'm tired, it's 5am now. Yeaaaaa I'm done 💤
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Cliché Love 3
EPISODE 3: Vibe-Killer March
RAVNEET
"I don't want labels" is the dumbest thing to say. Imagine your mom saying that she doesn't want the label of 'mom'. Or your dog barking that he doesn't want the label of 'dog'. Isn't it dumb? Then why isn't it considered dumb when it comes in the context of a romantic relationship. When we're doing everything that boyfriend-girlfriends do, why can't she call me her boyfriend? It's fine though. I'm happy with what we have...I guess.
I love Tuesdays. Just one 9 AM class and I'm done for the day. I sit at RINGELS, my favorite dining hall, hoping that no one I know shows up. “Ravneet...Neet... Ravneet ” I heard a familiar voice scream unusually loud. I felt like a broken dream. I lifted my head up to see who it was. Rebecca it was. Arya's roommate Becca. She's hella fun. My broken dream got joint again. “What's up boii” she screamed. I stuck my hand out for a shake hand. She somehow turned my normal, cliche, formal shake hand into a cool one. She let my hand stay there and did some cool shit around it. Such a cool human.
“Oof!! That's crazy” I said. “I am crazy”. After talking for a few minutes she asked "Want to smoke a joint?" . I never did drugs before that. It felt like a good time to debut; so, I went with the flow. We sneaked out.
ARYA
Commitment can be a bitch. Once you have the tag of ‛relationship’ or ‛girlfriend’, you can't see that person normally again. You start having expectations. They start having expectations. And your life starts revolving around them. I mean ,sure, they're very important and what we feel for them is very fucking special. But what about my family, my close friends, my TV shows and my whole ass career? That shit is very important too. In fact, if we group all this against that one person... this group weighs much fucking more , and my life has never revolved around only any of these. Then why the fuck should it go around that one mother fucker?
I was walking back from an audition for a play. Hope I get the part. I hear a 'dug dug dug dug' sound of a skateboard follow me. It was Pourush. He's a fun guy; all of Ravneet's roommates are fun . "stop stop stop stop" I said while spreading my hands wide. He braked and smiled. "Oh shitt!! Aryaa!! what's up, dude?"
"nothing much I was here for the audition... Oh wait you're a theatre major right"
"Yeah. I was here for the audition too. I read the play last night. It's dope. You're minoring in theatre right?"
Oh god these theatre people! How do they read whole ass plays in a night?
RAVNEET
I thought that weed probably doesn't work on me cause I felt nothing. It made me cough so much, though . "See you later Ravneet! I have class" I offered to walk along. There was this silence when we were walking; it wasn't awkward exactly, but it was there. She chose the worst question to break that silence.
"So" She gave a gap after that, waiting for me to look at her. "How are things with Arya?" She asked shamelessly. Is it cool? Is it cool to ask people about their romantic relationships? It was too late to think about that. "It's great dude. Like I've never had something like this before you know. It feels really good, And Arya is such a... I don't know I love spending time with her"
"Awwwww!! That's so cute. OOOOOOOO. You're blushing"
I can't control it. Every time I think about her I turn into an apple.
"So you're happy with her then"
"yeah!! but..."
"But what??"
I think I should have kept that 'but' to myself. Becca doesn't take ‛no’ as an answer and I don't know how to say ‛no’. So I blurted my opinion about labels out. After saying the same thing in 4 different ways, I realized that the weed probably was working.
"Don't give me all your bullcrap mom and dog examples...You're just insecure Ravneet"
Her honesty kills me; It took me time to process it. "Huh?" I replied after a very long gap.
"listen! The last time she was in a relationship...like in 11th grade. Everything went downhill for her. She didn't talk to her parents. Her grades fell like crazy. The only thing she cared about was her boyfriend. She didn't like that version of herself. She's scared. She's scared that you'll become her everything. She doesn't want that. And that tart thinks it'll help if you don't name the relationship. She’s not doing this to fuck around"
Okay, first of all. I don't know if the weed was making her do this or if this is how she is. This woman, Rebecca, doesn't understand boundaries. She tells her best friend's personal stuff to someone who didn't even ask about it. She asks a guy she hardly knows about his love life. All that said, I'm glad she said all this. It's weird how seeing stuff from the other person's perspective solves half of the problems.
ARYA
We were walking without a destination in mind. I don't know how our conversation moved from the auditions to my 11th-grade boyfriend; I guess that's how conversations work most of the time. "Is that why you decided not to date-date Ravneet yet". I nodded my head with honesty and a tinge of embarrassment. "Okay, so I know what I say doesn't matter, but listen" I hate it when people say that. Why the fuck would you say it if it didn't matter. "I don't think it was you. I think it was him". What the fuck did he just say? "I think the reason your life was revolving around him was probably because of how she treated you. I know Ravneet really well cause we basically live inside each other. He wouldn't want that for you" This Pourush guy should major in psychology for sure. Things made so much more sense. My ex was clingy even before we liked each other. I was probably attracted to the cling back then.
POURUSH
Someone has rightly said that the guy with the greatest relationship advice remains single all his life.
We walked right into Ravneet and Becca. Coincidence? I think not. Even before anyone could say anything, Arya pulled out the Bandanna from my head (without asking me by the way) and went down to her knees. "Give me your hand Garlic". Eww, wtf is Garlic. Anyways, her Garlic was lost in his thoughts. I've never seen him that lost...he's usually attentive. People tend to go off character sometimes I guess. "Garlic!!" she yelled.
REBECCA
Probably shouldn't have let him smoke that much for his first time. "huh??" he responded. "give me your hand" she said. After he stuck his hand out she tied Pourush's bandanna on his hand and said, "Will you be the boyfriend to my girlfriend Ravneet?" I have no idea why she phrased it like that, but it was kinda cute. "What? Who's your girlfriend Arya?" he responded. "I'm asking you to be my boyfriend you dumb bitch". His face froze for a few seconds. After he recovered from that shock he said "yes baby!!" and broke into laughter. Their hands were moving towards each other. "Rockabye baby Rockabye" rang Ravneet's phone, changing the direction of Ravneet’s hand towards his phone instead. Damn it! I was so excited to see them hold hands. "hello" he said. I could see nervous excitement on his face. He ran away like a bullet train that's going reverse, without saying anything. "hug me at least you dumb bitch!!" Arya screamed. He turned around and gave a hand gesture suggesting ‛TOMORROW’ and gave a flying kiss. "such a cutie" she said while blushing.
RAVNEET
There's this international FIFA tournament that I and my gamer friend, messi_69.94, have been winning since 2 years. Literally, none of my other friends know about this. I rushed to his house for it. I can not afford to miss it cause it happens only once a year. It was FIFA time. While beating people all over the world at FIFA, I put my hand in my pocket to get my phone, but it wasn't there. I thought that I dropped it somewhere. I would freak out otherwise. But I was so engrossed in FIFA that I couldn't give a feces. And my mind was moving too slow to care anyways.
ARYA
"HOLY FUCK!!" Rebecca exclaimed.
"what?" I asked
"All classes and Exam are moving online because of the virus dude"
"Corona?"
I seriously didn't know that it was that big an issue. My phone rang all of a sudden. It didn't seem right. Guess what? It wasn't. My mom got the email and freaked out. She booked my flight back to the UK on the same day. "Mom I'll stay here". "what is wrong with you Arya? All countries will go into lockdowns. And the US is in a pretty bad position. Don't be stupid and start packing". I understood my mom's concern and said ‘okay’. I thought to myself that I still have a few hours to spend with Ravneet. I rung him up. 94 calls. 80 text messages. 56 Instagram DMs. 3 E-mails. 0 REPLIES.His roommates didn't know where he was either. He never does this. He usually replies in 2 seconds. This broke my heart. I can never forgive him for this. I got so broken up. I wanted to see him and hug him once before leaving. I deserved that hug. Fuck you Ravneet. Fuck you.
RAVNEET
I woke up and looked at the wall clock. It was 2 PM of the next day. Jesus Christ! I slept for 16 hours. I opened up my laptop to check my Emails. 'Garlic, I'm going back to Manchester today because of the corona thing...Please meet me before I leave'.
“FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK”
I swore after two whole years. It's difficult to make yourself cry. But, once you start it's difficult to stop. Very difficult. Should have said “NO” to the weed.
THE END
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The Descendant Materialization (Barry Allen x Reader)
Rating: G
Summary: In a universe where you, the Reader, are National City’s very own Supergirl (and dating the ever-dashing Flash), a surprise arises when one of your descendants accidentally travels back in time to your present day…
Pow! Boom! Shazzam!
Ok, you really had to stop making sound effects in your head when tripping up and disarming criminals. But what you find especially amusing was how confident these bank robbers had seemed in the beginning. Even when you dropped down in front of them with your suit’s family emblem staring back at them, they simply laughed. As if being Supergirl didn’t mean anything to them.
Well, maybe if the citizens of National City didn’t give you such a girly superhero name they wouldn’t find you so funny.
Bam! Pew! Who’s laughing now, boys?
The man with the duffle bag full of cash grabs a civilian woman and points his gun at her.
“Careful, girl scout! Or the broad gets it!” You put your hands up as if to say, whoa now.
“Okay, okay. Relax, be cool,” you try to calm him down. “Just hand over the nice lady.”
“And you’ll let me run?”
“Sure.”
“Really?”
“Why not?”
“It’s just, that’s not really your thing.”
“Are we gonna talk about it all day or do you want to get a head start? Because you’ll need it.” Before the robber can think too much about it, he shoves the lady into you and makes a dash down the street. You know he won’t get very far.
Three… Two… One. A blur of red leaving yellow lighting trails darts by you, causing your hair to blow wildly. A smile curls on your lips. Taking a big leap, you land in front of the robber and his red-masked subduer.
“Well, Flash, fancy seeing you here,” you say in a voice coated with hints of an inside joke.
“Supergirl. What a pleasant surprise,” he replies. You look at the defeated crook.
“Told ya you’d need that head start.”
After the righteous takedown, you return home to your apartment in Midtown National City (in regular citizen clothes once again). Waiting in the elevator, you push your glasses up the bridge of your nose into place. When the elevator reaches your floor, you look down the hallway to see a male body leaning against your door checking his phone. You walk up to him and wrap your arms around him.
“Hi, Bare.” You kiss his cheek. He slides his phone into his back pocket and wraps you in his arms.
“Hey,” he grins. “You were great earlier.”
“Me? You’re the one who whizzed by and snatched the guy up!”
“But you giving him false hope of getting away? And saving that woman with your wit? Priceless!” You both laugh as you open the door to your loft apartment. Even though Barry has his own place on the other side of town, he still practically lives with you. Throwing yourself down on the couch, Barry follows suite and snuggles up next to you.
“I feel like I could eat the entirety of supplies from all the Big Belly Burgers in the city,” you say dramatically. Barry kisses the back of your head.
“I’ll go pick us up some grub,” he offers. “The usual?” You nod. “Be back in a flash!” Before you scoff at the bad pun, he has already returned with take-out bags.
“Barry!”
“What? That was funny.”
You seriously have the best boyfriend.
As Barry unpacks the food, his and your phone start going off. You answer yours as you drool over the fast food spread out in front of you.
“(Y/N), you gotta get down here.” It’s Winn. “There’s something you have to see.” His tone is strange. Not quite urgent, but sort of weirded out.
“Winn, what’s going on? Is there trouble?” You shoot a look to Barry, on the phone with who you’re assuming is Cisco. It sounds like they’re having a similar conversation.
“Not trouble…”
“We’re on our way.”
You fly at top speed to the DEO. What could it be now? Another alien attack? More high-priority superhumans on the loose? Whatever it was, you were ready.
You arrive at the building the exact second Barry does. Damn. You thought you had him beat this time. The DEO crew all stands in a huddle at the other end of the room. You stride over to them.
“Hey!” you call out to them. “What’s going on?” All heads turn at the sound of your voice.
“You’ll never guess. Like ever,” Winn teases.
“What was the call about?” Barry asks, very confused by all the secret keeping.
“Dude, I know it’s way too early, but congratulations,” Cisco says patting him on the back. Barry and you share a WTF? glance.
“What-?” The gang’s huddle opens up and reveals a beautiful long legged girl, possibly in her late teens. Long hair, bright eyes. And when she lays eyes on you and Barry, the girl’s face lights up like a Christmas tree. She walks up to both of you and wraps her arms around you in a big group hug. This pretty teen kind of looks familiar, but you don’t know why. Who is this? Should I know her?
“You both look so young!” she squeals with joy.
“Sorry, um, who might you be, exactly?” you ask her.
“I’m Ellie. Ellie Allen. Your daughter!”
Okay, maybe you weren’t ready. If your expression is anything like Barry’s, you’re wide-eyed and mouth left agape. You look around at your friends for help, an explanation. Anything.
“Dibs on godfather!” yells Cisco.
Winn argues, “Hey, so not fair!”
“What’s Back to the Future?”
“Oh my God!” Cisco shouts. “Barry, (Y/N), you’ve already officially failed at becoming parents.”
“I think what Cisco is trying to say, Ellie, is that it’s not good for someone to know too much about their future,” Barry tries to explain. “And, no offence, you might be that ‘too much.‘”
“I’m sorry, Dad,” she apologizes. Whoa. That was a shock to the system. “When I ended up here, I didn’t know what to do. But then when I learned what year it was, I remembered you guys telling me you used to work for the DEO together when you were younger. So I came here.”
J'onn steps in with the question, “And how exactly did you come to be here in this time?”
“Training exercise gone wrong, apparently. See, my teammate slash rival has teleportation powers and I guess when she blasted them at me she overshot by many years.”
“What kind of training exercise are we talking about?” you ask. Ellie looks at you with so much awe and love. It completely blows your mind how much she looks like both you and Barry at once. Ellie giggles.
“Oh! I guess you wouldn’t know, yet! Watch this!” In a split second your daughter has left and returned, having placed a single flower in everyone’s hair (except for J'onn, who had one in his shirt pocket). You are even more stunned.
“You’re a Speedster,” you remark.
“That’s right!” Ellie says brightly. “Just like my old man. But don’t worry Mom, I have some of your awesome powers, too.” Her eyes grow red and the beams of light melt a potted plant in half, creating a mess.
“Oops.”
“Clean up on aisle twelve!” Winn shouts enthusiastically.
“Yo, that’s dope,” Cisco admires.
“Anyway, as much as I’d like to live in this retro time, I need to get back. I just don’t know how to go about it…”
“I might know a guy,” Barry says. At that, you and him escort Ellie to the lower levels of the DEO where the company’s resident scientists, Harrison Wells and Caitlin Snow, run experiments, tests, and come up with new tech. The two heads in the room look up from their respective works.
“Barry, (Y/N),” Caitlin greets. “Who have you brought with you?”
“This is Ellie,” you introduce. “She’s our- our-”
“She’s our daughter,” Barry finishes. The room is silent.
“How is that possible?” Ellie goes on to fill Caitlin in on what happened. Harrison slowly approaches your daughter and extends a hand for her to shake.
“Harrison Wells. Pleasure to meet you, Ellie.” He examines her face, then Barry’s, then yours. “Truly remarkable,” he marvels at the time travelling anomaly that is your teenage daughter.
“We need to get her back to her time,” you say.
“Do you think you can help me?” Ellie asks. Harrison makes a thinking gesture with his index finger and thumb over his mouth.
“Absolutely,” he says. “But first, Miss Allen, if I have the permission of your parents, I’d like to run a few tests…”
For the next few days, the members of the DEO are bustling around with the new task of trying to send Ellie home. Especially Cisco, Caitlin, Wells, and Winn (or as you sometimes call them, C2W2). In the meantime, while the crew works on creating a sort of time portal, Ellie stays with you and Barry at your apartment. It is the most bizarre thing in the world to live with your daughter who isn’t technically even born yet. At first, it was awkward, no doubt. But after awhile, things started to smooth out. She really was an extraordinary girl. You and Barry were clearly going to be very lucky parents.
Towards the middle of the week, Ellie appears to be getting antsy, so you decide to take her along with you to CatCo. A sort of secret take-your-daughter-to-work-day, but of course, you introduce her as your cousin. You show her your latest article and she’s thrilled with your piece. She even mentions she has an interest in the field and was totally acing her writing class in school back in her time.
Atta girl!
After hearing about her CatCo experience with you, Barry wants in on the parent-daughter action and takes her to the National City Police Department to work a case the following day. You get to hear from Ellie later on about how cool it was surveying a crime scene.
“She’s got a great eye,” Barry praises.
“What a talent,” you agree. Ellie beams back at you both. But then her eyes flick to the TV and becomes distracted. What is she looking at…
It’s breaking news. A high-speed car chase on the freeway heading out of the city. Inside the vehicle? Thirty million dollars worth of jewelry. You and Barry stand up at the same time, tense.
“Ready to go, Bare?”
“Always.”
“I’m coming, too!” Ellie insists.
“No.” The word was said in unison.
“You’ve got to be kidding,” she protests.
“No, we’re not,” Barry says sternly. “You stay here.”
“Okay, well, I guess I’ll just…” Zip. She’s gone.
“Your daughter just disobeyed us!” you cry.
“Oh, so because she acted out, she’s my daughter,” Barry half jokes. “Let’s go.” Barry bolts away while you tear off your clothes to reveal your super-suit and fly out your window. Below you, Barry’s a red blur on the highway heading north-west. Keeping your top speed, you’re positive you can reach the speeding jewel thief before he reaches the city limits. Except… up ahead the police have the thief surrounded. He’s now in handcuffs! How-?
Ellie, that’s how.
You touch down on the ground just as she calls out to the thief, “Nice try, scumbag!” Barry shows up behind you and his hand finds your shoulder.
“She definitely picked up snarky comments and name-calling criminals from you.”
After about two weeks, you receive word that the DEO Labs team has finally finished the portal project. Something of this magnitude, you had expected it to take much longer than it did. Then again, the project was conducted by world genius Harrison Wells, so anything was possible with him at the helm. You knew Ellie had to get back home, but a part of you wished she wasn’t leaving already.
The portal hums the moment Cisco switches it on. Everyone groups together to say goodbye to your daughter, hugs and all. You hear Cisco reminding her to watch Spielberg’s time travelling adventure when she gets back. After Barry gets a little misty eyed saying his farewells, it’s your turn, and you hug Ellie tight in your arms. You aren’t sure what to say.
“Take care of yourself, my girl,” is what comes out.
“I will, Momma.” She lets go and addresses you and Barry one final time. “Dad, twelve year old me will beg for a puppy. All I ask is to just think about it. You have over twenty years to mull it over. And Mom- If, let’s just say, hypothetically in the future I happen to accidentally destroy your favourite vase. Go easy on me, please?” Ellie advances toward the portal, but not before giving the room a little wave.
“See you… later?” Her laugh that follows it almost makes you choke up.
You dreaded saying goodbye to Ellie. But you can’t wait to say hello to her again someday.
~
Anonymous Request: If you watch Supergirl and The Flash, would you mind doing an imagine where the reader is Supergirl and she and The Flash are a crime-fighting duo and are dating and know about each other’s secret identies, S.T.A.R. Labs doesn’t exist and Cisco, Caitlin, and Harrison Wells work with the DEO, and their daughter is a speedster from the future and she accidentally ran back in time while doing a training excerise with her team and the gang has to help her get back to her time?
#reader insert#anon request#barry allen x reader#the flash x reader#barry allen imagine#the flash imagine#barry allen fanfiction#the flash fanfiction#supergirl fanfiction#supergirl imagine
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GOT Recap: The Spoils of War
Airdate: 8/6/2017 ; Season 7, episode 4
So, I don’t mean to be dramatic or anything, but…OMG, THIS WEEK’S GAME OF THRONES WAS FREAKIN’ AMAZING!!! This episode was a beautiful gift from the TV gods with more reunions, more Jon and Dany, more Littlefinger side eye, and dragons galore! I’ve managed to gather up my jaw from the floor to bring you the recap of “The Spoils of War”, so let’s not waste another moment!
But Jaime, I Want A Castle NOW!
Ah, the spoils of war, indeed! The Lannister army has packed up all the goodies and gold they’ve won after their surprise attack on House Tyrell and they’re on their way home from Highgarden. Jaime Lannister grabs a hefty bag of gold from the money wagon and hands it to Bronn, then sends the driver on his merry way to King’s Landing. Mopey Bronn has a bad case of First World problems as he bitches and moans about how he wants a proper reward, like…oh, I don’t know, a castle…maybe even the one they just stormed. Jaime is all, “Seriously, dude? Quit yer whining, you just got a load of cash. Daenerys Targaryen would probably evict you in a week. And besides, castle upkeep is pricey. Once you’ve paid the whole Downton Abbey staff and fed the moat monster, there’s barely enough money left to fill your Olympic-sized pool with champagne every day. You’ll get your pick of castles once we’ve won the war.” Bronn musters up the strength to silence his inner Veruca Salt as Randyll Tarly and Dickon (whom Jaime keeps calling Rickon) appear, and Jaime sends the three men off to shake down the local farmers for their harvest.
Meanwhile at the Red Keep in King’s Landing, Queen Cersei tells the Iron Bank representative that she’s able to repay the full debt she owes. The money is on its way as they speak. The rep is duly impressed and informs Cersei that the bank will be happy to make a new loan for her next venture: Restoring her rule in Westeros. Cersei shares that she’s growing her army and has reached out to the Golden Company in Essos - your basic mercenary placement agency. As soon as the gold arrives, the rep assures Cersei that she’ll have the Iron Bank’s full lending support to pay for her hired guns.
I Know What You Did Last (Long) Summer
At Winterfell, Petyr Baelish aka Littlefinger has a one-on-one meeting in Bran’s chambers to give him a gift: The dagger that was used in the assasination attempt against young Bran shortly after his tower-falling accident. The blade is made of Valyrian steel, btw. Littlefinger muses that it could be argued that this dagger launched the War of the Five Kings. He claims that it is his mission to protect the Stark children - anything Bran needs, Littlefinger is his guy. Gee, coming from a slimeball who arranged the worst marriage ever between Sansa and Vile Ramsay, I’d have to say that’s a hard pass. When Bran asks Littlefinger if he knows to whom the dagger belonged, Baelish says no. Littlefinger goes on to ponder that it’s so weird, doncha think, how the dagger led to all the craziness that happened to the Starks, and made Bran who he is today. He remarks that Bran must have seen unfathomable things beyond the Wall (cue laughter) and sympathizes that it must be odd to return to Winterfell among so much chaos. To which Bran flatly replies “Chaos is a ladder.” A hint of alarm flashes across Littlefinger’s face, and luckily for him, Meera Reed appears at the door and he has the perfect excuse to leave.
Quick side note: If you, like me, were totally confused by Bran’s line, then rejoice for the interwebs! Apparently it’s a callback to a conversation Littlefinger had with Varys back in season 3, when the former said “Chaos is not a pit. Chaos is a ladder.“
Bran just out-creeped the resident creeper! Looks like Lord Baelish is going to have to recalibrate all those battles he is always fighting in his head to predict every scenario that could happen in real life!
As for Meera, she’s come to bid farewell. She tells Bran that she’d like to stay, but she needs to return to her family what with the snow zombie apocalypse coming, and Bran is about as safe as it gets now that he’s home. Bran goes, “K, cool. Gracias. Bye, Felicia.” Dumbfounded, Meera is all, “Really?! That’s all you’ve gotta say? Wtf, dude. Lots of people died or almost died helping you.” And Bran’s all, “Yeah, so…I’ve got a lot of data uploaded to my brain and it’s kinda hard to keep track of emotions and personality and stuff. But hey, girl, I vaguely remember what it’s like to have feelings and the old me is stoked that you were there for me, but the new me just can’t do this whole attachment thing right now.” Meera’s face crumbles and she says what we all have been thinking, "You died in that cave.” She fails to add “You may want to tone it down on the voyeuristic creepazoid thing, which is freaking everybody out."
Just outside of Winterfell, Arya has arrived and is trying to convince some a-hole bouncers at the gate that this is her home. They don’t believe her and tell her to eff off, but she talks them into letting her into the courtyard while she waits for them to get Sansa. The guards squabble amongst themselves and when they turn, she’s gone.
When the guards give Sansa the news of her little sister’s return, she knows exactly where to look for Arya. In the underground mausoleum, Arya stands at her father’s grave when Sansa arrives. It’s a sweet reunion as Arya’s first words are "Do I have to call you Lady Stark now?” And Sansa replies, stone-faced, “Yes.” She breaks into a smile, and the sisters hug warmly. Each hints to the other that they’ve been though hell since they last saw each other. Arya is eager to know if Sansa really killed King Joffrey, and when Sansa says no, Arya tells her he was at the top of her kill list. Sansa thinks she’s joking and Arya lets her. Sansa informs her baby sister that Bran is home, too, and the look on her face screams “Gurl, things are pretty cray around here."
The sisters meet up with their brother at the Godswood Tree, which is Bran’s version of “Central Perk”…without the friends, java, or general joie-de-vivre. Arya throws her arms around Bran, who looks like he’s absentmindedly trying to recall typical human interactions, and gives her an awkward emotionless hug. He tells her he saw her at the crossroads to King’s Landing and Winterfell, and seems a bit surprised that she is here. Wait a second, did he only briefly flip to the Arya channel and not bother to see what came next? I thought this guy was all-seeing/knowing! Harrumph! He shows both sisters the dagger he received from Littlefinger. Arya immediately notes it’s made of Valyrian steel while Sansa warns that Littlefinger never does anything for anybody without wanting something in return. Bran don’t care. He gives the dagger to Arya, saying she’ll get more use from it than a cripple. I can’t help feeling he knows that Arya is going to have a run-in with some Whitewalkers and will find that dagger mighty handy.
Then I Saw His Cave, Now I’m A Believer
At Dragonstone, Queen Daenerys and Missandei are walking down to the beach to meet up with Jon Snow, who has found a cave full of Dragonglass, which he’s ready to mine. Jon calls Dany over. "Yo gurl…I wanna show you something inside this dark cavern…” and everybody immediately goes “Oooooh, Ygritte be spinning in her grave!” But this is Jon we’re talking about, and he legit wants to show her a bunch of cave drawings that he believes were made by the Children of the Forest. I'mma start to call them Toddlers of the Forest because they draw on walls, make rash decisions, and leave ginormous messes for others to clean up.
Dany is amazed by the artwork in the cave and marvels that it could have been made before men even existed. But Jon’s all “Nuh uh, look over here.” And we see crude drawings of men and then…Whitewalkers. Jon’s all, “See, queenie? Living proof! They worked together to defeat their common enemy. Case closed! You believe me now?” I cannot properly express just how badly I wanted the camera to pan down to his hand holding a piece of chalk, or show a close-up of the tiny initials J.S. etched underneath the Whitewalker stick figures.
Dany tells Jon she will fight for him on one condition: Bend the damn knee! But Jon is all “Yeah, but no, ‘cuz my people won’t accept a Southern ruler, so that’s not gonna fly.” To which Dany goes, “They will if their king tells them to. It would be a shame for them all to die, just because you couldn’t get over yourself.”
They emerge from the cave to bad news from Tyrion Lannister and Varys: Casterly Rock is won, but…oopsies, Dany’s fleet was destroyed and Highgarden is toast, too. Oh, and Cersei has made sure that all food has been removed from The Reach, so Dany's army of Unsullied will starve on their way back on foot. Daenerys is furious. She’s lost all her allies and it seems the conversation she had with Lady Olenna about ignoring advice from clever men is really speaking to her. She wants to hop a dragon and go nuclear on King’s Landing. Tyrion strongly advises against it, but Dany points out that he’s been pretty sucky in the advice department. She even suggests that perhaps Tyrion is purposely giving bad counsel to protect his family. Burn. She turns to her Northern visitor and asks “What Would Jon Do?” and the reply is “Well, if I was trying to win the love and loyalty of all of Westeros and set myself apart from all previous and current rulers, I sure as hell wouldn’t lay fiery waste to an entire city, killing thousands of civilians.” You can practically hear Tyrion’s inner monologue screaming “Yes!!!! Thank you, Voice of Reason!"
Back at Winterfell, Brienne and Podrick are sparring in the courtyard, when Arya comes along and tells Brienne she wants to train with the woman who beat The Hound in battle. We get a sweet sequence of Arya showing off her badass fighting skills while Sansa and Littlefinger look on from the mezzanine and Sansa seems to be wondering "Wtf is going ON with all my siblings?!” Arya has an exhilarated smile on her face as she fights and eventually bests Brienne. When Brienne asks who taught her to fight like that, Arya grins and says “No one”. She looks up and sees Littlefinger and her smile fades fast. Is he on her kill list, I wonder.
Hundreds of miles away, Jon and Ser Davos are walking the walls of Dragonstone and Davos asks what Jon thinks of Dany, hinting that she is a hottie. Jon’s all “Dammit, man, I don’t have time to date right now, I’m trying to save my people and all of humanity.” They encounter Missandei on their walk and she tells them what an inspiration Dany is to all the people who follow her. They notice a Good Greyjoy ship and head to the shore where Theon arrives by boat. Jon tells Theon he would kill him if it weren’t for the fact that Theon helped Sansa escape from Ramsay Bolton. Theon tells them he needs Dany’s help to rescue his sister from Uncle Euron, but Jon replies “Dany ain’t here, yo." Hmmm, where could she be?
Don’t Mess With The Dragon Mama
On an open field, still a distance from Kings Landing, a large group of the Lannister army is taking a rest while Jaime and Bronn look on. Commander Randyll Tarly rides up and informs Jaime Lannister that the gold has been safely transported to Cersei. He says the soldiers need to catch up with the front end of the regiment at the Blackwater rush and asks for permission to flog any stragglers as motivation to get moving. You get the sense that he considers flogging others a perk of the job. Ugh, Randyll is such a miserable guy.
Jaime and Bronn ask Rickon - I mean Dickon! - what he thought of his very first battle at Highgarden and he confesses it was hard to fight men he grew up with…and surprisingly stinky. Bronn smugly points out it’s the smell of men pooping their pants when they die. Lovely imagery there, dude. Suddenly Bronn realizes things have gotten too quiet. Jaime is on high alert and shouts to the soldiers to get into formation, because something’s a comin’.
The tension is palpable. In the distance we see a horde of Dothraki closing in. Hurrah for Team Dany! Although, it’s kind of a conflicting feeling of triumph, because I hate Queen Cersei, but I’m also rather fond of Jaime and Bronn. Maybe they’ll be aight…hopefully. I know the term "epic battle” is brought out often, especially where Game of Thrones is involved (deservedly so), but believe me when I say what follows truly is an epic, heart-racing battle scene. Words can’t do it justice, but here are some of the need-to-know highlights:
The Dothraki ride in like the unhinged, badass warriors they are, and as they get closer and closer to the Lannister army you just know a dragon is gonna appear soon. And appear it does! Drogon swoops over the horde, taking the lead, and we get a close-up of Dany on his back as she says “Dracarys!” and her Dragon spews out a stream of fire onto the shocked Lannister army. Total chaos ensues as burning men flail and run and we get lots of breathtakingly awesome shots of Drogon just shooting out flames like a laser beam, making a barbecue of any poor soul who happens to be in the line of fire. Meanwhile the Dothraki are handling things on the ground.
Amidst the madness, Jaime instructs Bronn to get to the wagon with Cersei’s secret weapon: Qyburn’s jumbo dragon-slaying crossbow. In true Bronn fashion we get the retort “Why me?�� -“Cause it takes two working hands, ya jerk, DO IT!!!"
A Dothraki warrior singles out Bronn as he makes his way through the burning hellscape, and there’s a sad moment for all animal lovers when Bronn’s horse loses a leg. Bronn eventually gets the upper hand when he reaches the giant crossbow and fires it at his Dothraki assailant - skewering him. I mean…they ARE at a barbecue, after all.
As Dany continues to soar over the disoriented mass of soldiers and Drogon sets things ablaze, Bronn takes aim at the creature. He misses the first time, but the second shot hits Drogon in the chest. It’s not an immediately fatal shot, but the dragon falls from the sky. Somehow the beast manages to regain enough control to land with Dany still safely perched on his back. Jaime is about a football field’s distance from where Dany and Drogon have landed, and Dany is trying to remove the massive spear from Drogon’s chest.
Tyrion and Varys look on from a great distance and Tyrion mutters "You effing idiot!” when he sees Jaime charging toward Dany on horseback. Just as Jamie is mere feet away, Daenerys turns around and Drogon turns his head to blow a giant stream of fire at Jaime. But before the inferno can engulf him, somebody rides up and knocks Jaime from his horse and both men fall into a conveniently-placed body of water. Jaime sinks deeper and deeper into the water and…the credits roll.
Holy Mother of Dragons! What an intense final 20 minutes that was! The music and camerawork were simply perfect and I loved the sequence of Bronn making his way to the dragon-killing weapon - it was shot beautifully and conveyed the disorienting horror of the battle. I was covering my face for the whole battle scene, cringing and shouting expletives at the screen, praying that no Dragons would die.
Man oh man! Still kind of recovering from the excitement. I’m hoping desperately that Drogon’s wounds aren’t fatal. Dany can’t lose her favorite dragon-child! Perhaps it’s time to invest in some dragon-sized chainmail.
Pretty sure Jaime will survive - at least till the next episode - and my guess is that Dickon saved him, and will be getting more screen time. Even though this was a set-back for Cersei, I’m sure she’ll return with a vengeance once her hired hands from Essos come to town.
It’s great to have all the legit Stark kids back home and I’m loving the buddy pair-up of Arya and Brienne. Although poor Sansa is all “Damnit, I’m stuck with Littlefinger while everybody else gets to have all the fun.” What will Baelish do next? I feel like he probably wants to peace out of Winterfell, considering there is a highly trained assassin in the hizzy and a know-it-all who likely has seen every scheme and backstabbing thing Littlefinger has ever done. I think it’s high time for Bran to start giving people some useful info instead of just being all “I’ve been working on this cool time traveling Peeping Tom hobby lately” with everybody he meets; giving Arya the dagger is a good start.
Next week it looks like we’re getting some Whitewalker action, or, at the very least, an update on the Wildlings at East Watch. Will Jon finally “bend the knee” in order to get a dragon on loan from Dany to help out his pals in the north? He’s just gotta suck it up and do it, right? But will Dany even be able to spare any of her Unsullied what with Cersei’s sneaky outmaneuvering at Casterly Rock? So much can happen! With only three episodes left, every minute is precious and I’m pretty optimistic the final episodes are going to deliver mucho good times! Hang tight until next week, my dears!
#GOTrecaps#gameofthrones#Game of Thrones#the spoils of war#daenerys#dragons#battle#season 7#recap#recaps#lannister#targeryen#stark
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Oh, yeah!...
... How could I forget!
I’ve got my tea... (well, not that tea, not yet)... Time to rewatch the Zi-O 22 raw for rambles!
In no order:
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I really don’t care, Kuro Woz.
In other news, Shiro Woz was actually weirdly tolerable this episode. I fully expect him to go back to being a manipulative bastard next week, though.
Oh god, I guess I have to get used to the guy, since we’re apparently keeping him. I still say bring back Woz.5. I loved him.
Even the suit actor is doing the head tilt.
I am now significantly more concerned about that shot in the opening of Sougo walking away from the other two...
When is Trinity coming out, again? The boys will have to be getting along by then...
Now, see, they’re alone, so Geiz is like ‘okay, I can admit to having feelings again.’
Well, I guess that question got answered by the end of the episode.
I think Junichiro wanted Sougo to deliver something, but Sougo got stuck in the mirror world (also some angel put the thing about Geiz freaking out when Sougo got pulled into the window on the TV Tropes Heartwarming page for Zi-O and I thank them so very, very much), so now he’s trying to get Geiz and Tsukuyomi to do it.
Geiz was gonna straight up henshin right in front of Junichiro if an enemy came out of the mirror, oh my god. XD
EVERYONE’S EXPRESSIONS IN THIS SCENE.
I just love how Geiz goes from ‘ready to fight it’ to ‘WTF?’ to ‘Oh yeah, he’s here’ to pretty much just checking out of the whole situation over the course of a minute or so.
Seriously, Gaku’s expressions in this scene were golden. Shirei’s, too.
I think that’s her name. I’m slowly learning their names but names are hard.
Geiz is like ‘you’re an idiot, fine, I’ll explain.’ I guess the reason is that their Rider Kicks have slightly different effects. I didn’t even think of that. Interesting.
Tsukuyomi is so frustrated by Geiz’s lack of self preservation and that is very valid of her.
Hm... Okay, so having given it some thought, I think part of Sougo’s muted reactions are that he’s one of those people who projects a cheery exterior all the time and bottles stuff up. So, like, when his ‘negative’ (so to speak--like sadness, pain, anger, all that stuff) emotions show even a little bit, it’s like the tip of the iceberg. Which isn’t healthy, but it’s a possible explanation. I still wish they had made him react even a little more at the end, but that’s just my opinion.
Geiz just freaking teleported to the door there.
Geiz feels bad bc he actually considered going through with Shiro Woz’s idea. And he probably feels bad about feeling bad about that, bc he’s a soldier, and soldiers are supposed to complete their mission no matter the cost.
I guess she’s looking at Sougo, but it feels like she’s looking right at me, and even though she’s pretty and I love her, that sort of thing always makes me uncomfortable. I can’t look real people in the eye, stop trying to make me look tv characters in the eye!
Aw! There’s something twistedly heartwarming about Mirror¡Sougo tormenting Sougo about his relationship w/ Geiz. Good drama.
Also, I remain alone on the casual SouGeiz raft and it is still funny. XD
Sou Okuno remains much too cute for me to be frightened of him in any capacity.
I really wanna know what that line said. Something about Geiz and Puma Zi-O, but I don’t know.
Well, Sougo just died. (by which I mean, he fell over)
WAGA KYUURANGERS.
Shiro Woz being suspiciously tolerable. I’m sure he’ll be back to his usual manipulative jackass self next ep.
Aw! Tsukuyomi is breaking out the Hawk Droid now!
I keep getting this incredibly in depth Chinese State Farm ad and it’s hilarious.
Shiro Woz is dead now, too.
Honestly, he’s on the right track.
Yes, he is technically Kamen Rider Ryuki. By which we mean, he was Kamen Rider Ryuki, but then time got totally rewritten so that he wasn’t. Twice!
Not that I think he enjoyed it that much the first time... At leats he met Ron, though. Man, this is making me want to go back and watch Ryuki proper.
Lessons for the Mirror World: Don’t talk to your Mirror Self, it’s a bad idea. Also something about accepting yourself.
He looks different w/ short hair and older, but every now and then, he turns his head or makes a particular face, and it’s like ‘yeah, that’s him, that’s the boy.’
Shiro Woz died again.
I’m just gonna start assuming that Rider and Sentai weapons magically go back to their pocket dimension as soon s they’re thrown offscreen (thinks of all those times in Ex-Aid where you could literally hear them hitting the ground somewhere).
WAGA KYUURANGERS.
And thar he go. Goddamnit, Geiz.
Kudos to Okuno for pulling off as truly adorable and hilarious confused Mirror¡Sougo face for this whole scene. He’s just like ‘wth, dude?’
See, this is part of why I think Sougo’s the ‘hide all my ‘negative’ emotions’ kinda person. Bc he’s like ‘I’m really scared’ but he’s never shown it. Which isn’t healthy, sweetie, please talk to someone. Who... Isn’t your Mirror World self.
If they do do ‘balance of light and dark’ thing for Zi-O, I really hope they do a thing about Geiz and Tsukuyomi being his sort of ‘main anchors’ for the ‘light’ part. If that makes any sense.
Me when someone falls over in Toku ‘Whelp, he’s dead.’ Me when someone actually dies in Toku ‘Nah, he’s fine.’
WAGA KYUURANGERS.
Man, though, I hope they don’t remember the entirety of the time reset. Bc he’d have to remember dying, and she’d have to remember him dying in her arms. And they’re EIGHTEEN.
Shiro Woz.exe has stopped working.
Also, in that overhead shot, you can totally see Another Ryuga standing next to the tree before he respawns. XD ^^
Or maybe that’s a crew member. Either way. ^^ XD
Still wish they coulda given him more of a reaction, but I can justify it. He prefers to keep things in, and he probably guessed what the situation would be when he got there and was mentally preparing the whole way. Still wish we coulda had a small ‘mentally prepared but not quite ready for the real thing’ moment. I guess he does seem a little perturbed, but... Nrgh.
Spent several minutes rewatching this part, partially for angst lover reasons, and partially bc I was trying to see if I could see Gaku still breathing even though he’s playing dead. I actually didn’t notice any moments, but maybe someone else did.
God, I hope he didn’t hold his breath that whole time. Though who knows. Maybe he has the breath holding skills of an olympic swimmer.
I accidentally paused on a shot of Kuro Woz while Shiro Woz was flying into the scene to grab him and it looked kinda hilarious.
Keisuke be like ‘Hello, my suit actor!’ ^^ Poor boy over here talking to himself.
So what is going to happen w/ these two? Will the Wozes fuse? Will there be a third, true Woz? Will he not be a manipulative jerk-face? The questions are numerous.
Also, what’s the history between him and Geiz? I care more about it bc of Geiz than bc of Woz.
But also... Woz Fight!
CUTE. Makes one remember all the hijinks that went on at the office.
See? That’s Sougo reacting to something. :/
Now the other two are worried though, bc that’s a Puma Zi-O power. God, please, please don’t break up the Zi-Ot3. I’m putting my faith in you, dude who wrote Ninninger! I mean, you gave us Kinji and the Igasakis! (crap, that was the family name, right?) Admittedly, slightly lower stakes, but I’m counting on yooooooooouuuuuuu! *continues howling off into the distance for no reason*
But Geiz is straight up like ‘it’s my fault,’ the poor baby. Like. He’s not even blaming Sougo. He seems to be saying that he caused Sougo to make that choice. Bc the online translator says something like ‘led him’ to that ‘path’? Then gain, the online image translator also like to periodically translates things as ‘it’s all about sex’ and for the life of it cannot decide on what ‘Ouma Zi-O’ translate as. My favourite remains ‘the ostrich.’
Tsukuyomi apparently makes a note that one isn’t supposed to ‘play with time or someone’s life’ and now I’m like... About... Two or three of Sougou’s ‘steps’ towards becoming Puma Zi-O were bc he was trying to save Geiz? What if... What if the reason he became Puma Zi-O was that breaking the ‘rules’ of time does mess w/ your head and he kept using to to try and save Geiz from himself, or something... Like, wasn’t there some other time travel thing about the universe really trying to kill someone and someone else trying to prevent it? Like, coming back to my ‘die to prevent Puma Zi-O’ thing. If it’s something like that... Like, what if it seems like in the end that most sure way to prevent Puma Zi-O w/out killing Sougo is just letting Geiz die? I mean. He’d accept it in a heartbeat, I’m pretty sure, but if it does come to that, I’d prefer they found a third miracle option.
Of course, she could actually be saying something else entirely and I just went off on an aimless tangent.
But Geiz’s face during this talk... Like, I definitely think he's upset bc at this point he doesn’t want to kill Sougo at all anymore, and he also now feels like he’s responsible for destroying the future on one hand and starting the process that turned adorable little Sougo into Puma Zi-O on the other. My poor baby.
Also Tsukuyomi is talking directly at me again, and it is still making me uncomfortable!
And now they both stand there and look kinda sad.
Where the hell are they, anyway? Why’d they come back out here?
Shut up Kuro Woz, I don’t care.
Also, hi Kikai! ^^
And now for a completely clashing goofy promo!
I am still nervous, and the tea and shirts are ready to go, but one of the preview images looked like the boys having a normal conversation, so I’m still hedging my bets. Do right by me, Ninninger man! Not that I have anything to offer if you don’t, but, you know....
Okay, maybe I’ll buy something.
That’s all folks! Virtual lemon meringue pie for anyone who read all that nonsense. Or whatever type of pie you like. If you don’t like pie, cookies or cake or anything is fine.
Still hoping for good friendship drama. Love the Zi-Ot3, suspicious of how tolerable Shiro Woz was this ep. Suppose I’ll have to get used to him, since we're apparently keeping him. Now instilled w/ a desire to rewatch Ryuki.
Tea and shirts remain on standby.
#Kamen Rider Zi-O#also I'm still just out here casual shipping SouGeiz by myself and it's hilarious#I'm having a great time#XD#anyway having rambled a lot out there i don't have much to say here#^^#Zi-O Spoilers#Timey Wimey Rider#have I mentioned I love Geiz?#my precious tsundere son#(don't make them turn on each other Toei do the good drama that I love so!)
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Hybrid!Got7 as your Boyfriend
Request: Got7 and hybrids! Whichever animal you think would best fit them? Between cat and dog please
Jaebum: Cat
He’s a Burmese cat hybrid
His fur his black and has blue eyes in his cat form
His human form though...still has his cat ears and his tail
He’s a bit laid back in a cool way
Ironically...works at a dog cafe because he actually likes dogs
You happened to have come in with your puppy and took him off the leash to play with the others and Jaebum is like...”That’s a cute puppy”
And you’re like “Thank you?”
And he’s like “Surprised that a cat likes a dog?”
And you’re blushing because now you have to say “No...Your looks kind of took me aback for a second”
Jackson whistling at the comment and Jaebum glares at the dog hybrid
You order and then sit at the table to where you can watch your puppy play...and the cat hybrid work...
You come in more often and after a month...Jaebum finally decides to ask you out...thanks to Jackson...
A couple of more dates and full blown kiss to the lips..Jaebum is now calling you his girlfriend
He uses his tail to wrap around your waist...(LET THIS SINK IN!!!)
Loves it when you cuddle up to him
In his cat form...he’s cuddling you in your lap and nudging his head against your hand for some petting or scratches
NAPS!!!
NAPS WITH CAT JAEBUM AND YOUR PUPPY
Mark: Dog
He’s a Golden Retriever
Beautiful golden fur...and chocolate brown eyes!
He’s more like a relaxed guy
His human form though....his dog ears still there and his fluffy tail...
Like Jaebum....He ironically works a cat cafe...
You come in and he immediately smells dog all over you...is that...a golden retriever?
“Excuse me?”
Realized he said that out loud...but perks up when you tell him you have a golden retriever pup
You smile when he tells you he is a golden retriever breed
You’re both now talking about puppies...in a cat cafe...
You’re interrupted when a kitten rubs on your leg and you pick it up and Mark is just watching you being cute with a kitten and then blushes hard when you catch him staring
BamBam is watching Mark watch you and he’s like...”Dude...you practically marked her with your eyes.”
And he would respond by “I know. So, now that I marked her..Don’t touch her. “ *Growls a little* but BamBam knows Mark is being playful
Mark just decides to ask you out after you come back a coupe of more times
BamBam cheering Mark on...
BamBam and the ENTIRE cafe cheering when you become official...
Mark playing with your puppy...all the damn time..
Mark cuddling you....ALL THE DAMN TIME
Kisses...all the damn time...
BamBam gagging at it and Mark growling at him
Loves playing outdoors with you when he is in his dog form...
The puppy loves Mark to death...
An annoyed dog Mark when he is napping in the sun and the puppy just jumps him xD
Mark enjoying the thought that his scent is all over you now...
Jackson: Dog
He’s a Labrador Retriever
Short but beautiful golden fur with brown eyes
His human form though....those cute short floppy dog ears and tail...
HE’S ACTIVE!! Like there is no rest with this guy
Likes going on runs in the morning...Either in his human form or dog form...which ever he feels like
Works at a dog cafe with Jaebum because...”PUPPIES!!!!”
You come in and order and then started playing with the puppies and Jackson is like...”Cute.”
Jaebum sighing at him
Jackson watching you every time you visit playing with the puppies and just watching you smile and hearing your beautiful laugh
You knowing that he’s been watching you but you’re too shy to talk to the handsome hybrid...
Jackson finally being a man and going up to you after you take a seat at a table and then all the puppies are surrounding you two now wanting attention
Jackson’s like “Sorry about that...they all love me because I’m part dog..”
You laughing it off and Jackson is smiling and then he’s suddenly you asking you out and he’s thinking...what the hell did I just do?
And you say sure and Jackson’s tail is wagging like crazy
You and Jackson become official after a couple of dates and the last one being...a mess...as in like...he accidentally transformed out of excitement and got you both kicked out of the restaurant...
Literally has to hold you somehow...
Basically...it’s all about that skinship
Holding your waist when walking
Laying his head in your lap and wrapping his arms around your waist
Spooning you in bed
Curling up next to you on the couch in his dog form
He convinces you to buy a puppy...that’s the same breed as him...
Names it Jack
Jinyoung: Cat
He’s a Bengal Cat
Beautiful leopard like fur and green eyes
His human form though...those cat ears and tail...
Relaxed most of the time
Works at a library...because...”It’s quiet and I can take naps their in my cat form and I get pets and scratches from them all the time while they’re reading a good book.”
Everybody loves him and you’re no exception...since you’ve been dating him for a year and a half now
You’ve known Jinyoung since he started working there and you two just hit it off
He would transform in his cat form and cuddling up to you when reading
Also when you come in to read...he would just sit with your back against his chest and his chin on your shoulder and reading the book with you
Goes to the cat cafe that Mark works at
Mark jealous when all the kittens and cats goes to Jinyoung and you
Cuddle times with Jinyoung...
His tail wrapped around your waist as he’s holding you from behind
Or his tail wrapped around your wrist as you’re petting him in your lap at home in his cat form
His kisses though...
Slow and soft and cupping your cheek(s) while holding you close
It’s basically a fluffy relationship with him
Youngjae: Dog
He’s an adorable Yorkshire Terrier
Fluffy blonde fur and brown eyes!!
His human form though...those cute little dog ears and tail!!! (OMFG!! LIKE SERIOUSLY!!!)
He’s such a cutie and his personality reflects that!!
Works at a music store...or well...basically owns it!!!
You are a regular and Puppy Jae has a crush on you because he knows your taste of music and it’s...the same as his...
And because he likes your smile, and your laugh, and your eye, and basically everything about you
He get’s nervous every time he sees you opening the door
This time you go straight to the register and is like “I think I kind of like you...Can I have your number? Or uhh...is that okay to ask?” You’re also a nervous wreck
BUT NOT AS MUCH AS YOUNGJAE RIGHT NOW BECAUSE ON THE INSIDE HE IS LIKE....omg...she likes me...WTF DO I DO?...Youngjae. snap out of it...give her your number and then ask her out!
You say yes when he does and it’s such a beautiful and cute relationship...every customer adores your relationship...
Did I mention that you work with him now?
When you’re both at home...he likes to be in his dog form and cuddle up int your lap while watching tv
Naps with him are amazing. He’s either sleeping on your chest or stomach in his dog form and your both facing each other and he’s holding you close in his human form
Likes holding you from behind and nudging his face into the crook of your neck whenever you’re sitting
BASICALLY IT’S A FLUFFY JAE BEING WITH AN EQUALLY FLUFFY YOU
BamBam: Cat
He is a Bombay Cat
BEAUTIFUL BLACK FUR AND GREEN EYES!!!
His human form though...those black cat ears and equally black tail
SASSY!!! LIKE...NO...HE’S SASSY
Works at a cat cafe with Mark
You’re a regular and BamBam has been eyeing you for awhile now and Mark tries to help Bam out but Bam thinks he can do it himself...
Nope...He tries to go up to you but “Cat got your tongue?”
“Shut up Mark and help me...”
Mark tells you bluntly that BamBam likes you and wants to know if he can take you out
Gives BamBam the thumbs up when you say yes
After like...6 dates because he keeps messing up xD... you’re officially a couple
Hes always holding you somehow...a hand on your hip, and arm around your shoulder, his tail wrapped around your waist or around your wrist
Hugs...back hugs, regular hugs, spooning, holding you from the back and nudging his face into your neck and giving you a few kisses there
When it’s just you two at home...he’s all about that skinship
Even in his cat form
Jumping into your lap and laying there as you pet him
You’re napping and he’ll just gently jump onto you and lay on your chest
Never speak about rain...it’s a forbidden word with him...
Yugyeom: Cat
He’s a Bombay Cat too
BLACK FUR ALL THE WAY BUT WITH BLUE EYES
His human form!!!...Black cat ears and tail!!!
Sassy, but such a sweetheart when you’re considered close to him
Works at the same cat cafe as BamBam and Mark
You happen to be a dog hybrid...a Retriever/Lab. Beautiful black fur!
And Yugyeom instantly smells you and is instantly like pushing Mark to the register because like...”She’s a dog...You do it...”
You getting highly offended and basically about jumped over the counter to beat him
Every time you come in it’s an insult after the other...
But actually, Yugyeom just really likes you and loves messing with you and seeing you get mad because...”She’s cute when she gets mad at me”
Mark and BamBam looking at each other because they know that the cat is basically in love with the dog.
You come in one day all sad and Yugyeom is instantly there and you thought he was just going to insult you..
BUT OH!!! He’s pulling you in for a hug and his tail wrapping around you and you bawl your eyes out and tell him how horrible your day was and you both spent like 3 hours just talking and then he asks you out...
A couple of dates and your official
The insults never stop but now you’re both just messing around with each other
Those cuddles though....
You’re in your dog form and he’s in his cat form and Yugyeom is basically the little spoon when you’re in your dog/cat forms.
Human forms, it’s the opposite. He’s the big spoon and you’re the little spoon
Sleeping in your lap or you curled up against his side
His tail wrapped around your waist as you’re watching tv or you laying your head in his lap
Him holding you close from behind and kissing your neck
It’s such a cute relationship....insults back and forth but makes it up with cuddles and kisses and etc.
#got7 imagines#got7 as#mark imagine#mark tuan imagine#jaebum imagine#jackson imagine#jackson wang imagine#jinyoung imagine#youngjae imagine#bambam imagine#yugyeom imagine#mark#mark tuan#jaebum#jb#im jaebum#jackson#jackson wang#jinyoung#park jinyoung#youngjae#choi youngjae#bambam#yugeyom#kim yugyeom
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M. Raoulee Reviews Ghost In The Shell So You Don’t Have To Suffer
I realize what day it is and that this is a hell of a time to post my first review, especially of something people are bound to have strong opinions about. I’d like to take a moment to blame the heap of studios who dumped money into this for the timing and state that this review is in fact, 100% serious. It contains spoilers.
Short Version
I bought a cup of wine before I went in. The clerk told me to enjoy the wine; didn’t mention the movie.
I took two sips out of it before the film started, resolving to save the rest for when things got unbearable. It was gone within two minutes.
I have no idea why anyone would remake Overdrawn At The Memory Bank and have Scarlett Johansson playing Aram as well as suddenly on an elite anti-terrorism force. In fact, I have no idea why anyone would remake Overdrawn At The Memory Bank at all.
The only reason this isn’t my new most hated movie is that I haven’t seen the possible previous one in a while and I think I should rewatch it before I make that determination.
Long Version
I’m reviewing this as a fan of most of the originals. You want a review from a neutral party, you won’t find it here. Ghost In The Shell was my childhood.
Additionally, I am going to speak to the racism, but please do seek out and read thoughts on the subject by people of color. Their anger needs an audience because holy shit. Just… holy shit. I’ll be editing in links and highlighting their posts on the subject. If the original ran without them, I just wanted to get my anger out before it consumed me and I apologize for jumping the gun.
There are a few miniscule bright spots in this train wreck. Say, five cool shots. One of them’s of the Major storming off in a pout and turning her camo on at the same time, there’s another neat panning shot in the one apartment. Ultimately, the few well-filmed shots take place in scenes that are wrong for other reasons, so we’ll come back to them. I think the practical effects, what few there are, rock, but it’s hard to tell given the cinematographer’s dedication to not showing them.
Some of the PoC bit parts slay. Hats off to Chin Han and his amazing Togusa. I’m so disappointed I didn’t get to see more than a minute of him even though his presence and plotline in the originals speaks more to the point the writer may have been aiming for in this film. Way to not use your resources, writer. Other wasted PoC actors include Danusia Samal, Lasarus Ratuere, Chris Obi, Kaori Momoi-- stuck with one of the characters that ruins the movie but still makes her endearing af --and Adwoa Aboah whose appearance I sincerely hope gets uploaded to Youtube so everyone can see her almost salvage the Major as a character strictly by virtue of her personal awesome.
The main cast is bad. Just bad.
At first, I was pretty jazzed with the guy playing Batou because he looks, he even walks the part. Then he had to go and open his mouth. What ditch did they find that dude in and why did they not return him to that ditch with prejudice given some of that line delivery? I mean, I can see Batou’s understated done-ness posing a challenge, but there was just no excuse for this person snorting through his lines and then going WWE all over the action scenes.
The guy playing Cutter showed up with ham in his pockets; enough ham that made me wonder why they didn’t just get Christopher Walken if they wanted that much ham on set since he actually knows how to carry his meat products effectively. I don’t think Cutter was a well-thought-out villain at any point, but seriously, WTF.
Kuze has that much CG interference he can’t sell anything besides an ongoing dopey expression. Probably not his fault, but still, I think a baby deer would have done better. Why not just have Kuze manifest as a baby deer? Are baby deer that expensive? [ETA: I have been informed that they are, though I stand by my point.]
Then there’s Dr. Ouélet. I’m not judging this actress on her job based solely on the fact she’s playing the other character who has no business being in anything billing itself as Ghost In The Shell. I’m not judging this actress because of her accent. I’m judging her for playing her part like a six-year-old with a mouth full of gummi worms. If you, like most sensible people, aren’t into watching six-year-olds with mouths full of gummi worms moralize about technology, oh look, it’s another good reason to avoid this movie.
The Major. Oh, the Major. There are lines in this script, particularly shoved in her mouth, which cannot be delivered well. And they’re really obvious. If this actress was going to gank this part it was her fucking duty to speak up about this awful shit and she clearly did not. The one moment of good chemistry she has with Batou looks and sounds like a goof they left in. The scene with Adwoa Aboah is good because of Adwoa Aboah. The rest of her performance is some phoned-in nonsense. I don’t even know what she was trying to do with the character.
Not that you get to see terribly much of her. They CG her to hell and back. And not well-- in general, the CG in this movie looks cheap and rushed outside of taking people’s faces apart for shock value, though that happens with enough frequency all of its impact is lost. As for the rest of the CG, that’s especially glaring with the wide shots of the city and with the Major. The Major looks like a character from TES: Oblivion with the actress’s head plunked on top and also a bad wig. 90% of the time, that bad wig is crooked. The CG model for her body has different measurements than her actual body. No effort was made to make her appear any taller, meaning that a few shot recreations and shots in general go sideways because the Major is suddenly too short. In fact, I’m pretty sure they look bad period because her height throws things off on a regular basis. And just-- nobody thought to bring a box.
This movie cost millions and millions of dollars. It went to theaters with problems that could have been solved by boxes. Let that sink in.
Anyone who tried to redeem this film by saying it looks good has clearly never seen a movie that wasn’t shot on shitteo before. It doesn’t. The sloppy CG is only part of the problem, although let me mention how glaring it is to go from wide shots of a pristine, CG skeleton of a city to street shots which attempt to be as crowded and dirty as possible. Again, I think there are some good practical effects down here, but the cinematographer. Oh, the cinematographer.
Please, anyone who knows this asshole, take his camera away. I’m begging you. He fails utterly to grasp scale. As in, I’m not sure he realized there was a problem with the Major’s height. He doesn’t understand movement or focus. I have no idea how he’s been getting work since the 70’s. The fiveish good shots I counted appear to have been accidents or laziness. Say, the panning shot in the doctor’s apartment was probably the easiest way to shoot the scene, but it works well because it gradually reduces a conversation to the two participants and makes it personal. Or it would. If the conversation itself didn’t suck.
Here’s the thing: he had previous iterations of a lot of the shots to work from. He still fucked them up. Every single shot he lifts, he blows. It’s not even a case of things not being replicable with live actors. It’s this man needs to have a different job. There’s bullet time all up in a recreation of the fight in the wash. He puts the disappearing off of a roof shot in the middle of the day and at an incomprehensible angle. The lighting and colors are frequently just fucked up. Did I mention the chintzy CG jellyfish all up in the dive scene… which he then doubly fucks over in the second half by cutting sloppily around the Major and Batou, not that it’s possible to cut well around Batou’s actor completely missing the point of the scene and the Major somehow managing to take off her wetsuit in a stilted fashion. He can’t even be assed to show us the garbage man’s death.
Did I mention they kill the garbage man?
I nope out of movies for killing dogs, but I would rather the writer had killed the dog here than the garbage man. The whole point of the garbage man was supposed to be his perfect cinnamon roll innocence in the face of vast, complex machinations far beyond his comprehension. You would never know that from this film and it’s decision to have him be a rat bastard. You would never know, because the writer decided to use physical elements from Ghost In The Shell rather than actually retell any form of it.
The plot here is some cheap, moralizing leftovers. Saying it’s supposed to be Ghost In The Shell is just offensive. Audience, they don’t even explain how Ghost works as in-universe jargon.
There are jackasses *cough*bennett*cough* who make the argument that the plot of the original Ghost In The Shell film is sub par. I’m pretty sure the writer here watched one of their reviews, agreed, and never bothered with any of the originals outside of vague summaries, deciding in the end to produce something which does indeed have more in common with Overdrawn At The Memory Bank than Ghost In The Shell.
I would argue that the plot of the original film is a utilitarian creature. It exists so that the Major and the Puppet Master can talk and the audience gets the results of that, IE the resulting entity sitting on Batou’s couch in the child’s shell, as a going away present to think about.
In other words, the original Ghost In The Shell has approximately the same plot as a romance movie.
In other-other words, it’s actually really hard to fuck that up.
You see why I don’t think the author made any attempt to retell the first movie. I don’t even think this is a combination of the two movies and the TV series as has been claimed. The second movie’s a hot mess and can’t exist without the first one, and you can’t cram the TV series, either season, into a movie. Hell, the sequel film didn’t even quite fit.
The plot of this film is just the same corporate greed, technology is bad tripe that’s been getting shoved at the audience since the fucking 70’s. I imagine the writer flying an Acme jet over the audience and unloading a comically whistling payload of anvils. The dialogue clunks, nothing new gets put on the table; hell, nothing truly from Ghost In The Shell gets put on the table. There is no fucking point to the plot of this film, and the plot physically is not Ghost In The Shell, primarily because of the fucking anvils. Anvils are not gifts to your audience. You don’t think about anvils. They’re just there.
Running with the conceit though that this was maybe at some point supposed to be Ghost In The Shell, I have some questions. A selection: If this main character of yours is supposed to be the Major, what’s up with the pouting and helplessness? Why the fresh hell is Aramaki the only character speaking Japanese and who told you those subtitles were OK? Did anyone explain to you what the point of a Tatchikoma is and that controlling a tank with a mouse is absurd beyond that? Did anyone tell any member of the crew that the Major is actually supposed to have junk-- the lack of junk in the first movie was a censorship issue? Why is the Major the ‘first of her kind’ adapting to her new shell when in the original we got to enjoy her casually strutting around in body that was functionally leased? Why can’t her and Batou actually be friends-- was that so damn hard to write? Was it worth it to you to make Momoi’s character spout that line about Motoko ranting about technology as a child instead of something truly motherly that didn’t sound like a box of hand tools falling over? Why does Motoko need not one, but two other women who drag her through her own plot? Oh, wait. I know that one. It’s because you kneecapped her character and also, you’re a complete waste of space. You got off hammering in all of those lines about consent, didn’t you, you fucking creep?
The only shred of a prop I will give the writer is that they did possibly remember that the Major is queer.
Otherwise, between them, and the director, the audience gets… someone who isn’t Motoko Kusanagi, but who purports to be her and also gets handcuffed to a stripper pole at one point.
My father howled laughing when I told him.
You can’t use handcuffs on a cyborg in the Ghost In The Shell universe. What part of 800 pounds of metal did you not understand? What part of Section 9 exists at least in part because of shit like that did you not understand?
In conclusion, you probably saw that I just gave the Major’s name from the Japanese version.
It turns out, this Mira Killian is Kusanagi Motoko and there’s memory wiping involved and also she has to go visit her mommy and her obligatory sci-fi cat before she can… not get to ascend or grow as a character because she promised Mommy she’d come home.
I’m saying it’s not that they changed the Major’s ethnicity. It’s they literally have a white woman playing a Japanese woman. There is nothing not terrible about that.
This movie is the perfect example of fractal wrongness. It fails at everything it tries to do and on every level. It’s ugly, it’s rapey, it’s racist and it’s not Ghost In The Shell. Shame on the crew.
To quote Mina Li: so basically it would have saved them money if they just took the negatives of the original GitS and filmed themselves taking dumps onto it.
Don’t anyone else give this trash a dime. Go watch the 1995 movie or the TV series. There’s no need to suffer like I did.
Other Reviews: Rebecca Sun, Angie Han, Other Suggestions Always Welcome Because This Movie Sucks That Hard.
#review#ghost in the shell 2017#oh lord#why god why#garbage#racism#sexism#terrible movies#what the fresh hell
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Good lord we need to talk about the Tokusatsu genre
So Leon and I had a long discussion the other day about a lot of Toku (specifically rider and sentai, sorry ultra) and I wanted to write out my praises and complaints with both since I feel like I’ve watched enough to form an opinion. May come back to this someday after watching a lot more.
Let’s start with Sentai:
-Pros
. I genuinely love how fun it is! Toku as a whole knows how to take itself seriously when it needs to, but it also remembers that it’s still a kid’s show at heart. Sentai really reminds you to have fun with the show instead of taking it super seriously, especially when you’re watching Zenkaiger. BUT, LuPat had every right to be serious.
. This might just be me, but I feel like Sentai does the extra hero thing better than Rider does. You could argue that the extra hero in Rider is meant to be the secondary or side kick to the main hero (kinda like a Batman/Robin thing) but to see a team get a new member later on through pure coincidence or through over coming an intense rivalry is kinda cool.
. As a music nerd, something about the music in Sentai just slaps more than I expected. After picking Go Busters back up, a big part of the show’s intense moments that keeps me engaged is the music. Everything from the henshin standby, the theme song, the mech music, all of it is just so memorable. And the fact that Sentai does the whole ending dance song, OMG I love this series so much.
. I’ll expand on this later in the cons, but I just wanna add that I really like the three people Sentai that gets a fourth and maybe fifth member later in the show cause it’s so much easier to follow and like each character. Cause like I loved Kyoryuger, but sometimes looking at all ten of them and trying to remember everyone’s names is a head ache that I wasn’t in the mood for, but I’ll get more into that later.
. Can we talk about Bio man and Flash man? Why do those suits have to slap so hard? They need to do suits like that again. You too Go-Busters.
-Unfortunately, there are some cons
. I did say that Sentai knows when to be serious and when to have fun. But I think some seasons try too hard to be the “fun and colorful” season and forgetting how to still tell a good story. Like Kirameiger, Leon and I tried to watch it but couldn’t really take it seriously for a few reasons, one being that it just felt too silly. I understand that story develops after time, but it’s weird to kinda just be funny right from the get go.
. I won’t lie, I love that extra heroes get introduced as assholes at first because yay character development, but if they stay an asshole for a really long time, it’s harder for me to find a reason to like them. I’m scared because I wanna like Abare Killer when I get to Abaranger cause his suit is sick, but just knowing that he spends 90% trying to kill them kinda makes me wonder if I’ll like him.
. So something I noticed is that whenever Sentai does a three person team, it’s so much easier for the characters to build a dynamic together compared to how long it takes a five person team to bond. Like I remember in Shinkenger, I got to episode 8 or so and they had a vacation episode when Takeru still wasn’t too fond of the whole friendship thing. But with Go Busters, the three of them quickly formed a bond with each other and it made their vacation episode more impactful when they learned that Yoko went through so much effort to plan the day out to make them all happy, including their buddy roids (god damn you go busters for being so bad ass and cute)
Now for Kamen Rider... This might take a bit:
-Pros
. Oh my god Kamen Rider. This series can do such a good job with it’s story telling that you can forget that you’re watching a tv show. The way they write their characters is genius, and it’s even better when whoever they cast to play these characters takes their role seriously cause it just adds more emotional value to that character.
. Also the pacing of its story telling is great. I like how much time there is in between arcs of shows to flesh out what is happening in the plot between villains, certain characters/side characters, etc.
. I dunno if this is just me (again) but Rider REALLY knows how to cast their actors. Be it extra heroes, villains, main characters, these actors honestly are friggin fantastic. Kazumi (as biased as it may seem) so far has been one of my favorite actors in the entire genre solely because of how he performs his character. Everything from being silly when he needs to, showing how emotional he can be, and oh my god him responding to the belt during his Grease Blizzard henshin. Oh right, and his last scene with Misora. I’m still hurt about that.
. Ok, let’s talk about suits. I won’t lie, I think I prefer the Rider suits over Sentai suits in most situations. Something about them just makes more of an impact on me, even though I’m reminded constantly that they’re just robot bugs... except for a select few, which we’ll get to in just a second.
- Time for the cons of Rider, there are sadly a lot
. So. Like I mentioned before, I love how the suits impact me even though they’re just based off of bugs mostly... But when they stray too far from the bug motif, or even just the theme of the show, it’s like what the fuck even am I looking at. Two examples, Gaim and Ex-Aid. Gaim did a great job with staying true to its theme. Fruit ninja. Easy concept to follow, all the riders got a pass from me even though some of them are kinda whatever. But Ex-Aid is just unforgiving, and I know this might piss people off. From my understanding, I went into Ex-Aid expecting a very heavy focus on the gaming theme it had going on. BUT. I was later informed that literally almost ALL of the riders are doctors. I still don’t get why. And even after hearing from Markus and Leon (who apparently gave up on the show) they don’t get it either.
. I’m sorry, but we need to talk about Saber and Agito. Let me get Agito out of the way. I’ve seen so many people have split opinions about it, saying it’s either the best show of the heisei era or the worst. Personally, the writer of the show popped off maybe like three times MAX, but I feel like things happened so randomly without explanation and they just went with it. Although the G4 movie was fantastic, I’m not even lying when I say I will gladly watch that movie again.
. Saber. Omg Saber... I went into the show honestly super excited for it. Hell, I was almost willing to say the show would be in my top five cause the first few episodes were fun. But... it’s kinda losing me. The way some of the characters are written confuses or straight up angers me. Like the girl side character (I can’t remember her name for the life of me) is just so annoying, and I question why they wrote her like that. Like they even gave her a book that tells them where monsters show up, but like.. why? Isn’t that why they have their own little base? And the dude with the two swords, my god does he have to smile like that all the time? I dunno... Don’t quote me just yet, I need to finish catching up first before I can fully be confident about my judgment
. Alright, Reiwa era, I know you just started but we need to address something that I honestly thought was just me being picky, but many people have pointed this out and I couldn’t agree more. Your final forms suck. Zero Two and NOW Cross Saber are quite literally upgrades to the base form suit. Like ok, Leon and I just got to the upgrade forms in Go Busters, and they compliment the base suit so nicely. But Zero Two and Cross Saber? For a Rider’s final form, in my opinion, it just doesn’t work.. You can call me paranoid cause infinity Wizard is just him but silver, but that’s just how his motif works and they made it work beautifully. Zero Two was LITERALLY given to Izu in the movie after (and this is hilarious cause Leon explained it this way) the Zero Two Driver basically 3D prints a Zero One Driver for Aruto. And Cross Saber is just blue Base Form Saber. Like WTF. Sure, I saw he got a different sword, but still, not cool. It’s scaring me that they’re just gonna keep doing that for other Riders later in the Reiwa era but I hope not.
. From what I’ve also been told about other shows, not just Zero One specifically, I’ve heard that some shows just don’t let the other Riders interact with each other that much. I dunno why they do that cause I really like to see relationships between the cast, but I guess i can see why if the show has like 15+ riders.
. Ok last one, I wanna dive into the excessive amount of Riders in one show. Take Ryuki for example. That show had 13 riders. Technically only 11 if you consider that the Ryuuga movie wasn’t canon (even though they keep making it seem like it is and I DONT KNOW WHY). The way they handled the screen time between the main four (Ryuki, Knight, Zolda and Ouja) and the others is in my opinion the best way to go about a big cast like that. I liked seeing Raia flesh out his relationship with Shinji, him butt heads with Ren and try his best to fight against Ouja and Gai. Gaim I’ve heard isn’t as bad cause they kinda pace them out well, but oooh boy Ex-Aid and Saber. Ex-Aid in my opinion should’ve just been Ex-Aid, Brave and maybe either the bike or Snipe (I think that’s his name?) and the villain just be GenM. And Saber... I’ve bashed Saber too much, I feel like I’m beating a dead horse at this point and I feel bad.
~In Conclusion...~
. I really want hard on Rider just now, maybe not so much with Sentai, but I just wanna say that the criticisms I have are really personal because I know what I enjoy with shows like this. But I also have to remember sometimes that it’s literally still a show aimed for kids or teens so it’s obviously not gonna be perfect.
. The Toku purists who praise the Showa era and absolutely trash the Heisei and Reiwa era scare me tbh. I’ve seen soooo many people say Black and Rx are the best riders period and everything after was trash. Being in this fandom sucks, but it doesn’t stop me from wanting to watch the shows.
. Same with these criticisms I have. I’m super critical about these shows and Leon sees how intense I get when it comes to me either loving a show or absolutely dunking on a show. That doesn’t make me wanna stop watching it cause I just remember to have fun with it still. The stories and lessons you learn from watching shows like this honestly make you feel young again and I love anything that does that.
. As far as what I prefer... I can’t answer that. Rider and Sentai both have something special to each season they come out with. I always short circuit when I think about which one I like better cause honestly, I used to think Sentai was too silly and I loved the seriousness of Rider, but it really is just up to what season I watch.
~All in all, I’m glad I got into this genre. I feel so dumb literally every day for the past year that I used to think these shows were lame when Leon and Markus told me to watch Build. I really wish I could go back and slap my old self cause god damn, I’ve been missing out. I love this genre for keeping me young, connecting me and Leon, and for absolutely destroying my wallet with the belts and changers.~
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Hi Delta! It's that tattoo anon. I was wondering if after you've finished the absolutely insane amount of prompts you have right now, you could maybe write one about Felix getting his tattoo and Dean thinking it looks really hot on him and his reaction to it? Maybe a smut request, maybe just a "omigod-my-boyfriend-is-so-hot-and-he-somehow-just-managed-to-get-even-hotter-WTF" fic idk haha :) I'm looking forward to all these amazing projects you have coming in 2019 & wishing you a Happy New Year!
Hi, Anon-
So, I finally finished this prompt and I came to post it and that is when I realized this has been in my inbox for a year!
Like, fuck! I’m sorry this has taken me so long! I hope you still enjoy it!
Even though the weather was finallystarting to warm, Dean wasn’t particularly happy about the parking spot hefound around the corner from Felix’s dorm. Yes, California winter barelycounted as winter at all, and the walk really wasn’t far. Still, it added tothe time it would take to see Felix, which was unacceptable. With midterms,Dean and Felix hadn’t gotten to see each other nearly as much as Dean wouldhave liked. That was going to change starting that day. Midterms wereofficially over, and Felix was going to be spending the weekend at Berkeley.There was an LGBT association event that night that Dean had gotten roped intohelping with, but after that, it was just the two of them.
Dean couldn’t wait.
He was at least thankful for the girl fromFelix’s floor that was exiting the building as he and Benny jogged up to theentrance. She noticed them, smiled, and greeted, “Hi, Dean.”
She held the door for them, and Deanreally wished he remembered her name. He was pretty sure it started with an S,but beyond that, he was completely blank. He caught the door with one hand andnodded graciously as he passed her on the way into the building.
Benny followed him inside and up thestairs. They passed a few other people Dean recognized, or at least theyrecognized Dean if their greetings were any indication. They passed the fourthor fifth person on their way up to the sixth floor when Dean heard Bennychuckle. “It’s like you go here,” he commented with such obvious amusement.“Are you going to transfer?” he questioned teasingly.
“Shut up, dude,” Dean retorted as hecontinued to climb the stairs.
It was such a Benny comment Dean was morethan a little surprised he hadn’t made it before. And, in all fairness,everyone in Felix’s dorm seemed to be recognizing Dean that day. Also, Deanwasn’t completely proud of it, but he had considered transferring. Maybe notseriously, but still.
It wasn’t that he hadn’t been excited whenFelix had gotten accepted to Stanford and decided to attend college there. Itwas pretty close to Berkeley, so they could see each other more than four timesover the school year. Still, there was just such an appeal to them both beingat the same university. Ultimately, he hadn’t pursued it for a variety ofreasons like his scholarship, but he had considered it.
“Felix’s dad would love that,” Dean addedmore under his breath. Dean and Leonard had actually got to a good point, or atleast Dean thought they had but then Felix decided on Stanford and Leonard wasless than pleased. He didn’t even attempt to hide that that was because Felixand Dean would be so close. Dean was pretty sure if he transferred to Stanford,Leonard would lose his mind.
“Also, you would be abandoning me,” Bennyreminded with clear disapproval, “Which would be unacceptable.”
Dean stopped to grin back at the otherguy. “You’d visit,” Dean commented with absolute certainty. “I couldn’t get ridof you that easily,” he added before turning and once again starting back upthe stairs.
“You are probably right,” Benny admittedas he once again followed Dean up the stairs. They reached Felix’s floor andstarted down the east wing of the building heading toward where Felix’s roomwas nestled in a corner on the far side of the building.
Dean would freely admit he didn’t have themost acute hearing. He grew up with a musician, and he had definitely picked uphis dad’s affinity for listening to music at absurdly loud volumes at a veryyoung age. So, the fact that he even heard the crowd of people from halfwaydown the hall was rather impressive.
When they reached Felix’s room the doorwas open. That was pretty typical for Felix and his roommates, but the crowd ofpeople that seemed to fill the room wasn’t. A corner dorm and a triple, Felix’sdorm was a little bit bigger than what was probably standard, but even itlooked especially small with at least a dozen people crammed inside it. Themajority of people were sitting, some on one of the beds, others in chairs, butthe majority were scattered around on the floor. A few people were standing orleaning up against furniture. Everyone’s attention was focused on thetelevision. A 52-inch flat screen balanced precociously on top of severalgaming systems, all stacked on top of a mini-fridge.
Even in the crowd with his back to thedoor, Dean had no trouble finding Felix. He was sitting on the floor staring upat the TV just like everyone else. The tension visible in his shoulders and theoccasional twitch served as a telltale sign that he was playing something.
Dean stopped in the doorway for a secondto take it all in and figure out what exactly he should do next. “Look at allthe nerds,” Benny whispered into Dean’s ear, and Dean could hear the smirk inhis voice.
The term wasn’t exactly inaccurate, butDean wouldn’t ever have used it in earshot of Felix. It was selfish, but Deanenjoyed sex, especially with Felix, and he wasn’t going to do anything to getin the way of that. Calling Felix a nerd would have had him going sexless for awhile, of that Dean was positive.
“They’re called gamers,” Dean whispered inreply. He felt a bit like he was the narrator of a nature documentary talkingabout some wild and elusive creatures found only in the deepest most secludedwildlands. With Dean’s heavy southern accent, he doubted he would be narratingany documentaries anytime soon, but Felix could certainly act like a wildcreature in some settings.
Despite their talking, almost no one inthe room seemed aware of their presence. No one even dared to look away fromthe television. The only acknowledgement they got was from a guy who wassitting on one of the beds. He waved a hand in their general directions withoutlooking at them as he stated distractedly, “There is money on the desk. You canleave the pizza.”
Dean heard Benny let out a muffled laughas he exclaimed, “Wow!”
He couldn’t disagree with that sentiment.Felix lived in a building specifically for freshmen in majors related tocomputer science and engineering, so a certain level of nerd type behavior wasjust par for the course. Video game marathons that lasted for multiple days,gathering in the common area to watch E3, and the guys down the hall from Felixthat had built a beer dispensing robot had all become part of the charm forDean. And it really did make his visits interesting. This, however, might havebeen taking things to a whole new level. Dean was pretty sure he and Bennycould have started pulling things off the desks and walked out with whatever withoutanyone questioning it.
He might have chuckled a little too loud becausethe whole thing really was ridiculous, and apparently, that was enough to catchsomeone’s attention. Not Felix’s, who was still focused on the television withhis cute tense shoulders and his perfect hair. But one of the guys on the bedturned and looked in their direction. Dean recognized him as one of the guysfrom Felix’s floor, but his name was a mystery. Felix’s room was like thesocial hub of the damn building, so Dean had met so many people it was hard tokeep track of who was who.
He saw Dean standing in the doorway andclearly recognized him. “Oh, hey man,” he greeted with a little surpriseturning back to the apparent focal point of the room, “Felix, your boyfriend ishere.”
Dean was never going to get sick of beingcalled Felix’s boyfriend. It might have been his favorite thing.
“Hey babe, I just need to finish this realquick,” Felix called to him without taking his eyes off the television as hecontinued to play, “Come in.”
Dean spent so much time at Felix’s dormsometimes he felt like he practically lived there, but he still tried to keepsome level of boundaries. Felix had made a big deal about proving hisindependence and doing his own thing when picking colleges. He had gottenaccepted to Berkeley but refused to really consider it because he didn’t wantto just follow Dean to school. Dean wouldn’t have thought of it that waybecause Berkeley really did have a great computer program from what he couldtell, but Felix saw it differently. In the end, Dean was just happy Felixdidn’t choose to go to MIT and tried to respect Felix’s space. He usuallyknocked when he visited and waited for an invite.
He took a few steps into the room and tooka quick look around before asking, “What is this exactly?”
“Felix is fucking killing the latestDestiny Raid,” One of the girls declared with such condescension it was clearthat she thought it was the most obvious thing. That should have been annoying,but it was pretty much tradition for Dean to get a response like that tosomething he said. Felix had been so sweet to share the Skype installationstory during one of his visits, and Dean was pretty sure Felix’s roommate Samlaughed for five minutes straight. It really wasn’t that funny, and Dean wassure he wasn’t the first person to have a hard time figuring out how to installSkype.
Benny leaned over Dean’s shoulder and questioned,“What does that mean?”
Dean was so glad he had brought Bennyalong because he was probably the one person on the planet that knew less aboutcomputers and gaming than Dean. He grinned and replied, “No idea.”
Their little conversation was clearlyoverheard because everyone, but Felix turned and looked at them with cleardisgust. Felix kept his eyes on the television and continued to play as hechuckled. “Ignore him,” Felix called to the others with clear amusement, “He’snot tech-savvy.”
“And you’re dating him?” One of the girlsquestioned before popping a couple of pieces of popcorn in her mouth. Dean recognizedher as well. He was pretty sure she lived on the second floor of Felix’sbuilding, but she hung out in Felix’s room so much it felt like she practicallylived there. Dean really hadn’t known how to feel about that for like the firstmonth or so until Felix told him she was obviously into his roommate, Siris.Once he knew that, he could see all the signs, and he found he liked her a lotmore. Of course, that comment didn’t really endear the girl to him any.
Dean watched Felix’s shoulders move upwardbriefly in the obvious sign of a shrug. “He makes up for it with other skills,”Felix answered matter-of-factly.
Siris made a little amused noise beforejumping in, “Let me translate that from Dude-speak for you,” he declaredclearly very pleased with himself, “That means he is good in bed.”
“Pretty much,” Felix was quick to agree.Dean could hear the grin on his face in his voice.
“Thanks, babe,” Dean called out trying tosound sarcastic and dry even though he could feel his face burning. Deanwouldn’t have described himself as modest, and he could definitely brag abouthis sex life. Why shouldn’t he? It was pretty fucking incredible. Even thoughboth he and Felix had been pretty busy with school they managed to see eachother plenty and seeing each other typically meant some sex. And sex with Felixwas always beyond amazing. Still, there was something inherently differentabout bragging to friends about your sex life and having details broadcasted tostrangers.
“I only speak the truth,” Felix retorted.He was still focused on the screen in front of him so Dean couldn’t see hisface, but the wicked grin he was wearing was more than evident from his voice.
Dean’s cheeks burned even more, andBenny’s snickering didn’t really help with that any. Neither did the look oneof the girls sitting nearby gave him either. Complaining would just assureFelix would do that shit more so he just grumbled, “Love you.”
“Love you too,” Felix called back brightly.
Benny would have definitely had somethingto say about that because he just loved to tease Dean about how lovey he andFelix could get. Dean normally didn’t care and would take the opportunity toremind Benny as someone who struggled to maintain a relationship for more thana few months he should really keep his opinion to himself. Benny didn’t get achance to say anything because almost immediately after Felix spoke somethinghappened on the screen, and everyone in the room gasped in absolute horror.
“Dude!” Sam practically shouted withdisapproval at Felix, “Speak less, focus more!!”
Felix made an amused and dismissive soundas he continued to play obviously unaffected by whatever happened. “Chill, Igot this,” he assured confidently.
The room fell into an almost tense silenceas everyone watched Felix play. It was ridiculous, but Dean didn’t dareinterrupt it. It made time move more slowly and then something happened on thescreen, and the entire room lost their damned minds. At first, Dean didn’t knowif it was a good thing or a bad thing, but when people started congratulatingFelix, he figured Felix had won.
Dean felt Benny clasp a hand on hisshoulder before leaning in and questioning, “How does it feel to be dating theking of the nerds?”
Dean smirked at that because he wouldn’tsay it out loud, but Felix was this super sexy computer geek, and his passionfor those things really turned Dean on. Also, it was nice just to hear peopletalk about how he and Felix were dating.
“I fucking heard that,” Felix declared ashe hopped off his spot on the floor and tossed his controller aside. He walkedover more or less ignoring the people that were continuing to freak out abouthis apparent victory. When he reached Dean’s side, he pushed up on his toesjust long enough to place a quick kiss on Dean’s cheek, and it really waseverything Dean could do not to literally melt. “I’m fucking starving, so webetter be getting food,” he commented instead of a more traditional greeting.
“Yeah, we can,” Dean agreed. They had sometime until they needed to get to be back at Berkeley, and at that point, theysort of had a tradition of getting food at a little restaurant near campusevery time Dean picked Felix. Since Benny was with them it wouldn’t quite bethe intimate little meal it was most of the time, but it would still be fun.
Out of reflex Dean reached over andwrapped his hand around Felix’s, and that was when he noticed that somethingwas off. He felt the graze of something rough on Felix’s wrist. When he lookeddown, he saw that Felix had a white gauzy bandage wrapped around his wrist.
Dean hated seeing Felix hurt even if itwas something small. Having seen Felix almost get killed by a monster probablyhad something to do with that. It took some serious effort not to immediatelyfreak out at the sight of the injury, so the fact that his voice only came outa little high pitched was pretty impressive. “What happened? Soldering ironmishap?” he questioned nervously.
“Nay,” Felix shrugged after a quick glancedown at his own hand and then looking back up, “I got a tattoo.”
Dean blinked. He had not expected that,and the surprise of it was enough to leave him confused. “What?” he questioned.
“You didn’t tell the boyfriend you weregetting inked?” one of the guys in the crowd commented with a mix ofdisapproval and surprise, “My girlfriend would murder my ass.”
Felix rolled his eyes hard before lookingover his shoulder and calling to the guy. “Glad I’m not dating your girlfriend!”
Dean wasn’t Will. He wasn’t going to freakout because Felix got a tattoo, or at least he wanted to say that. It was hardto swallow down his initial desire to go into overprotective boyfriend mode. Hewas also a little surprised. Felix had made some off-handed comment about kindof wanting a tattoo the last time they had met up with Will and Nico but beyondthat he hadn’t expressed much of an interest. Also, he and Felix talked dailyso why he wouldn’t have at least mentioned he had an appointment, Dean didn’tunderstand.
“A call would have been appreciated,” Deancommented and immediately regretted it when he heard how whiny he sounded.
“It was sort of a last-minute decision,”Felix replied with a shrug, “And you had office hours.”
Dean hated Felix’s casualness, and hereally wanted to remind him that office hours typically consisted of Deansitting around grading extremely poorly written essays and counting the secondsuntil it was over. He could have taken a phone call or read a text message.Thing was, Felix would have given him endless shit for getting so bent out ofshape about it, so he let it go. “Can I see it?” Dean questioned. He reachedout to grab ahold of Felix’s bandaged wrist but stopped himself last minute. Hedidn’t know where the tattoo actually was, and he didn’t want to accidentallyhurt him.
“Sure,” Felix replied as he began rollingthe bandage off his wrist, “I only had it covered so I could play.”
With a few swift movements, the whitegauze was gone from Felix’s wrist, and the fresh tattoo underneath wasrevealed. It was a series of lines radiating out from around the slightlyprotruding bone on the side of his wrist in a pattern that was clearly modeledafter electronic circuitry. It wasn’t very large, but it was incrediblydetailed. Dean couldn’t imagine how long it had taken to be completed. Felix’swrist, the skin around the tattoo, looked a little red and slightly swollen butnot in a worrying sort of way.
“Hot,” Benny commented dryly remindingDean that he was there.
Dean turned and smacked Benny’s chestdisapprovingly even though he knew he didn’t look at Felix like that. Hissnickering was just more evidence that he was teasing. He then turned back toFelix and commented, “It’s cool.” It really was, and it was very Felix, but itwas just that it looked red. “Is it supposed to look kind of red?”
“It is pretty much a decorative open-woundat this point, so yeah, pretty much,” Felix answered casually, and he took hishand back.
That made total sense, and Dean absolutelyhated it. “Did it hurt?” he asked knowing it was a stupid question but notbeing able to stop himself. Maybe secretly on some level, he was hoping Felixwould say it didn’t just so Dean wouldn’t have to imagine his sweet boyfriendin pain.
“Fuck yes,” Felix dismissed like it wasnothing, “It was literally needles being jammed into my skin over and overagain.”
“Does it still hurt?”
“It’s a little tender,” Felix admitted ashe looked down at his wrist for a second. He poked the slightly swollen flesh acouple of times in an experimental way before adding, “It’s not that bad.”
Dean hadn’t noticed that Felix’s wrist wasswollen until he watched Felix poke at it, but now he could see that it wasmost definitely swollen. Felix might have described it as a decorative openwound and some irritation would make sense but swelling seemed like it could bebad. Felix could have an infection. Ignoring that could be seriously dangerous.Dean went for his phone without even really thinking about it as he offered, “Icould probably call Will, and he could meet us.”
“Oh my god, Dean, chill,” Felix insistedwith a good-natured laugh as he reached out and patted Dean’s cheek. “I alreadycalled Nico for tattoo care tips,” he assured. “I’ve got to keep it clean andput on this ointment-” Felix produced a bottle of ointment from his back pocketand held it out for Dean to see before returning it to his back pocket. “Itisn’t that fucking hard”
That was all totally reasonable, and ifanyone knew how to care for a new tattoo it was Nico, but Dean still didn’tlike it. He stopped actively grabbing his phone from his pocket, but he stillhad his hand wrapped around it. “I still think-”
“Nico is covered in tattoos and hasn’tdied,” Felix pointed out insistently, “I’m going to be fine.”
Dean still didn’t like it, but if hecontinued to argue it was going to get really fucking annoying. Also, he andFelix were going to be spending the entire weekend together so he could keep aneye on Felix. If it seemed to be getting worse Dean could just call Will. Hesighed as a sign of surrender, “Fine.”
With Felix it was always so easy to forgetother people were around, and that moment wasn’t any different. It wasn’t untilBenny perched his chin on Dean’s shoulder that Dean remembered they had a bitof an audience. “What’s it liked to be pussy whipped by the king of nerds?”Benny questioned teasingly.
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Christmas Wedding Planner (2017): first 80 minutes
Okay so listen, I truly cannot cover this whole movie in one review, so I divided it up according to ridiculousness: the first 80 minutes versus the last 5 minutes, which made me shout at my TV more than any other three movies so far this holiday season.
Netflix Description: “A wedding planner's world is turned upside down when a handsome private investigator is hired to disrupt one of her biggest jobs.”
This description? Chock full o’ lies. Let me rewrite this for honesty:
“An apparently unemployed woman who wants to become a wedding planner's world is turned upside down when a ridiculously handsome private investigator is hired to investigate someone, which may disrupt one of her biggest jobs literally the only job she’s ever had as a wedding planner (which she’s doing pretty badly).”
RATING:
Candy Canes: w/out last five minutes: 4 out of 5; with last five minutes: 2
Confession: Despite the slew of online reviews calling this the worst Christmas movie ever made, the first 80 minutes almost fooled me. Was it silly, contrived, emotionally manipulative and predictable? Um, that’s what we mean when we say Christmas movie. But until the last five minutes clonked me over the head with a cast iron skillet of stupidity, I didn’t notice how much worse than average it was. I’m a simple woman and I was distracted by the bright, shiny production values, the weird/wonderful costumes and how goddamn glossy everyone’s perfect, perfect hair was.
Dean Cains: with hottie goggles on: 4 out of 5; goggles removed: 2
Let the record show -- I’ve been watching these movies for 25 years, and this is the first one I’ve ever seen with a male lead whom I find even remotely attractive. Slash actually kind of straight-up bangable? Is he an average or better actor? I really can’t even be objective. And triple that for Jacqueline Hudon: I’ve got a weakness for big-eyed coltish redheads. It’s like a chemical reaction. But objectively, the acting was pretty embarrassing ... especially Jocelyn Hudon who moves as compulsively as a hummingbird--twitching, simpering, fidgeting, so awkward and self-affected she’s always, like, a quarter-second away from staring directly at the camera. Whatever. I’ll still watch every Christmas movie she ever makes.
Citizen Kanes: 0 out of 5
The movie is called Christmas Wedding Planner. It was based on a Harlequin novel, and produced, mysteriously, by a company called “Brain Power Productions.” The prosecution rests, your honor.
TOTAL: 8! As long as you fall asleep five minutes before the end, and you happen to perfectly share my passion for Emma Stone-ish women & dudes who look like sexy, stubbly non-custodial parents.
Otherwise, 4. But at least it’s not a boring 4 -- it earns that 4 by being truly, magnificently terrible.
WTF Moments:
*A two-fer with these screenshots: they tell you everything you need to know about the plot AND about Jocelyn Hudon’s aggressive facial mugging.
Actually, a three-fer: yes, that’s just a straight-up gift-wrapping ribbon tied around her neck for some reason, and no, that’s not the only ... ruffled tea saucer (??????) that’s perched precariously on Kelly Rutherford’s head throughout this movie.
*Seriously, look at this bullshit they stapled to her gloriously glossy mane:
Sorry, babe, but until you evict that garbage crab from your scalp, you don’t get to judge other people’s decisions. (I mean, goddamn, costume department.That is Ms. Lily van der Woodson whose head you are besmirching. How DARE you?)
*My husband and I were trying to solve the mystery of Hallmark’s Charisma-Defying Troupe of Chinless Wonders and my husband put forth the theory: the men aren’t meant to be aspirational. They’re supposed to be exactly handsome enough that the potato-chip chomping, yoga-pants clad Christmas movie binge-ing viewer (self included, obvs) would say: “Yeah, y’know, realistically? I could get with that guy.”
He’s an insightful man. No idea how Stephen Huszan managed to slip through the rigorous hot-but-not-too-hot inspection, but I’m not complaining.
*Also, I just realized why I was immune to the sheer obnoxiousness of Jocelyn Hudon’s acting: I was inoculated from watching Karen Gillan’s almost identical performance in “Selfie.” I simultaneously love that show and die cringe death from the grating over-stylization.
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*Of course, no movie would be completely without a cast of intriguing and pivotal side characters! Look at these five quirky characters who are in multiple scenes each! Each bridesmaid has her own distinct personality trait! The hilariously anal-retentive baker! A struggling restaurateur!
Okay now FORGET ABOUT THEM FUCKING IMMEDIATELY, because that’s what the movie does. Seriously, not one of these people has a storyline that comes back. Not even the restaurateur, who is the PI’s best friend / business partner and the caterer of the title wedding. NONE of the characters (including the bride!) has a storyline that goes beyond aiding & abetting the main characters’ love story. The closest we get to a B plot is persnickety baker using Eureka lemons in his cake (the fool!).
These characters have such meager internal lives that even the bride -- the person who gets the third-most screen time -- wanders around in a luded haze, totally ignoring her own (terribly unplanned) wedding so she can chummily grill her bff/cousin/wedding planner about her hot hook-up with said bride’s ex. Which, like, I barely even liked most of my exes while I was dating them, but if a friend of mine hooked up with one of my exes at my engagement party, I would 100% give their full contact information to every Republican candidate newsletter I could dig up.
*But forget the hottie ex-snatching -- bride should be scratching Kelsey’s eyes out for how badly she’s fucking up this wedding. If four days before my wedding, the wedding planner was STARTING to make her “vision board,” I’d be on Kayak booking tickets to Vegas. Drive-thru Elvis > $$$$$ wedding planned by a woman who apparently hasn’t even heard of Pinterest.
The timeline on the planning for this -- I cannot stress enough -- super elegant high society wedding:
8 days before: Throw an engagement party for the bride and groom; talk New York Times writer into covering the wedding and sell them photo rights without a contract
7 days before: Choose the wedding dress; caterer cancels but don’t book a new one -- it’ll probably work itself out; discover the bachelorette party has to be fully re-planned
6 days before: Teach the bride to bake so she can sweatshop up gingerbread wedding favors for 200+ guests; book a new caterer who has never done a wedding before but reassures you that: “yeah,” he “can probably do that”
5 days before: The groom’s parents throw a ... pre-wedding party for all the same guests who were at the engagement party and who will be at the wedding? (Sssshh, don’t think too hard about it.) Show up late and make out with the bride’s ex.
4 days before: Create a vision board for the wedding decor.
3 days before: Eh, the wedding’s pretty much in shape. Spend the day in a white van with binoculars, spying on the groom.
2 days before: Mope on your couch.
1 day before: Whatever.
Day of: Wear your non-matching bridesmaid dress, run a few errands while everyone is already at the church, then drop a truth-bomb that nukes the wedding! Wooooo!
Career self-sabotage, thy name is Kelsey Whatever.
*Though I have to give snaps -- the day-long stakeout was ridiculous, but I was glad that Kelsey and the PI (Hunter? Duncan? Vin? Honestly, he may be hot, but he still tumbled out of the same Cosmic Gumball Machine of Interchangeable Men as the rest of these Xmas hunks) actually spent time together. So often, these couples spill coffee on each other, then meet again in a tree lot, then talk about their dead parents during a snowball fight and it’s LOVE FOREVER after forty non-consecutive minutes together. So I appreciated that they spent a full day together and we could actually see them vibing.
“A Christmas movie couple that actually spends time together!” I thought. “A couple who gets to know each other instead of just ninja-kicking into an ill-conceived relationship!”
Haaaaaaaa.
*I grabbed this picture of random street musicians because I thought, in my first-80-minutes innocence that this was going to be the most ridiculously extra moment all movie.
But, you know, cheesy Christmas movies are like the days we live: Each one is kind of special but, let’s be honest, mostly similar to what came before. We won’t remember the vast majority of them. They’re filled with mediocre men and cool women. And you never know, going into one, whether it might unexpectedly prove to be the best or worst of your year, or even of your life.
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