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juneknight · 7 months

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•.Be Lost.• 2

Chapter One | Chapter 1.5 | Chapter Two | Chapter 2.5

“You talk about them often enough. I feel like we should formally meet. What’s the equivalent of putting a face to a name, but with sex toys?” Marc asks, voice warm with mirth from the other end of the phone. It’s the only thing warm about living up here in the constant snowstorms. Your feet ache today from stomping around in the fields on the frozen earth. Even though Spring approaches on the calendar, you don’t yet feel it in the air.

You dread the thought of possibly having to delay your return home, to Marc, because of the weather.

Your box of sex toys (it’s a shoe box, yes, some nice Cat’s boots with steel in the toes and thick insulated soles, a half-size larger than usual to allow for thick wooly socks which you favored) sits on the bed. You no longer even owned the shoes, but the box was heavy, the lid bulging from two years of collecting an eclectic set of sex toys.

“I’ll show you. But I have rules,” you say, phone wedged between your shoulder and ear.

“I’m listening.” You can hear the smile in his voice, and it drives you nuts.

“One–absolutely no naming them. I’m serious. The last thing I want is to be trying to get off and remember that you named a certain dildo Colonel Mustard.”

“I’m more of a Professor Plum kind of guy anyway, but consider your objection noted.”

“No making fun of me of any kind. Not even light teasing.”

“Agreed.”

“And no questions.”

“That’s…yeah, I don’t think I can agree to that,” he says, surprising you given how amicable he’s been so far. “Can we agree on premeditated questions? Some basics that you answer for each of them?”

You purse your lips and sit down heavily on your bed. The box rattles beside you, lid almost coming off. “Depends on the questions, I guess.”

“When was the last time you used it, and your personal rating out of ten.”

You relax somewhat. Whatever you had been worried about Marc wanting to know—’gross, why that?’ or ‘who used that on you?’—disappears. Maybe it says something about the men you’ve been with lately that your first fear is that Marc will become jealous or judgemental. You should have known that Marc would be different. “Yeah, okay. That’s fine.”

“Are you sure?” he asks, voice growing firm. “I don’t want you to say something’s okay when it isn’t. That’s a big deal to me.”

“I’m sure, dad.”

Marc snorts. “Okay, champ. FaceTime. Let’s go.”

You press the button, and while it connects, you experience all five stages of grief, chewing on one of your thumbnails as you shift from one socked foot to the other. At last his face appears, and it’s like a punch to the gut. Marc is so handsome: his brows, the curve of his nose, his whiskey-warm eyes, the curls spilling onto his forehead. His hair is longer now than the last time you saw him, and it makes your heart clench. You find yourself smiling without meaning to.

“Hey, beautiful,” Marc says, eyes squinting with his smile. “Long time no see.”

“Too long,” you admit. You study the picture in the background, trying to piece together where he is in his apartment. Judging by the lighting (warm but dark) and the lamp in the background, he is in his bedroom. This is confirmed when he rolls over onto his side and props himself up onto his elbow on one of the fluffy pillows.

Once, you had gotten too drunk to drive home and Marc had let you sleep in his bed. You had spent the whole night rolling around on the soft sheets, breathing in his scent, aching but too guilty to touch yourself.

“You okay?” he asks, brows lifting. His mouth settles into a soft, more neutral position, like he is being careful not to convince you one way or another. His lips are so full and soft looking… “If you don’t want to do this, we can say forget it. I just like to know what my options are.”

His options—oh fuck.

Your face burns hot. You slap one palm against your cheek, feeling the heat your skin gives off, knowing that Marc is watching you (which makes your face burn all the hotter). Fuck, how can he just say stuff like that, calm and casual in his soft, warm voice? You think about turning the camera away for a moment just to catch your breath.

“You’re so shy right now,” Marc says, a hint of laughter in his voice. “God. It’s cute.”

“Quit,” you groan, parting your fingers so you can glare at the phone. His grin just grows. “I’m not shy, I have a strap-on.”

“If you think having six inches between your legs makes you immune to shyness, I’ve got news for you.”

“Is that all you’ve got? Six inches?”

“You want to see?” The way he raises his brow, the way he so expertly calls your bluff makes your thighs clench together. Like a great neon sign flashing behind your eyes right now are the words MARC’S COCK. You’ve never seen it, but you know Marc is well hung. You’ve seen him adjust his hard ons before—in the morning after waking up, during a particularly steamy scene on Netflix. The bulge in his sweats has made an appearance or two in your dreams, yes.

“Maybe,” you admit, wondering if he’ll show you. Right now. On FaceTime. Just whip his dick out for you to drool over.

“Show me yours and I’ll show you mine,” he says, mouth quirking into a smirk. “But really. Go on. I have work in the morning, and I want to see every last toy.”

You bring out plenty of things that are “normal”. G-spot vibrators. Clitoral vibrators. Rabbit vibes, and pretty glass dildos. Most of the items get a high score—you have narrowed them down to your favorites. A natural selection amongst sex toys, if you will.

Sometimes you glance to Marc and get flustered at the solemn, studious expression on his face. He hangs on your every word, committing the things you say to memory. No man has ever given you attention the way Marc does: whole-heartedly. Singularly. Unconditionally.

Your throat gets choked up for a moment at the thought. God, you’re falling in love with him, you think in terror to yourself, as if you haven’t already. As if your knees aren’t skinned and palms bloody from the fall.

“You okay, honey?”

You jump a little, having gotten lost in your own thoughts. You clear your throat.

“Yeah, no, I’m good.” You pick up the next item, a candle. When he asks you what scent it is, you laugh a little. “The wax melts at a safe temperature for wax play. You know. Pouring wax on somebody.”

“Rate it.”

“It’s…maybe a four. May-be.”

Massage oil (8), cuffs (10), collapsible spreader bar (9), bite gag (5), blindfold (10), harness (7), all come and go. It is easier to continue once you get talking, and by the end you feel like late night Dr. Ruth.

At last, the box is empty.

“That’s all she wrote,” you tell Marc. He looks a little sleepy, though his eyes are still sharp where they focus on you, tracing over your features. He is quiet. You prod: “Well?”

“I’m going to have to use every last one on you,” he says, eyes on your own. “And until I can, I’m going to be thinking about you using every last one on yourself.”

His shoulder shifts, arm moving off screen—adjusting his hard cock.

“Fuck, Marc,” you sigh brokenly. “You can’t say shit like that.”

“That wasn’t one of your rules,” he says, eyes going heavy-lidded. You thought he was just adjusting himself, but the motion continues. Not enough for him to be full-fledged jerking off, but you think that’s he’s teasing himself. Massaging himself maybe. Your thighs squeeze together. Would he notice if you did the same? “Thank you for the show-and-tell. You’re such a good girl for me.”

You groan.

He laughs, the sound gentle and teasing. “That gets you, huh?”

“Don’t laugh at me,” you bark, endeavoring to cover your face as best as you can with one hand. The truth of his observation doesn’t matter; it’s the principle of the thing. Peeking through your fingers, you catch his expression, and your breath hitches. Marc looks at the phone screen with something unbearably tender in his eyes, something so terribly soft.

Marc looks at you like he loves you.

“Which one’s your favorite? Let me see it again.”

Your favorite. Hmm. You step back from your bed and look at the toys spread out so neatly, your brain turning over the question. All of them get you hot in one way or another, but there is one that stands out. You end up choosing a relatively simple rabbit vibrator. It’s ol’ Faithful; what else can you say?

“Is this what you grab when you want to blow your own mind, or is this what you grab any old night?”

“I want to blow my own mind every old night, Spector.”

“Noted. But you’re not pouring hot wax on yourself every old night,” he says. It is utterly distracting how his shoulder still tenses periodically, hand moving off-screen. You spend an inordinate amount of time watching those small muscles flex, trying to recreate the image of what his hand must be doing in your mind. “What is it about this one? What do you like about it?”

“I like that it fills me up,” you admit. It is a little easier to talk when you’re so distracted by him. “I like that I can use it without hands. Sometimes I put the spreader bar on and bind my hands to the headboard so I can feel like—”

Marc’s arm has stopped moving. His eyes are sharp, burning hot, like iron from the furnace. How voice is quiet but brooks no room for avoiding the question when he asks: “So you can feel like what, baby?”

“I…I don’t know,” you say. It isn’t a lie, either. You aren’t sure where the sentence was heading, and so much about your relationship with being submissive eludes you when you try to put it into words. You chew on the inside of your cheek while you think, and Marc is utterly quiet and still while you contemplate. “Like…like I’m suffering for somebody. Like my pleasure belongs to somebody else. Whoever tied me up. I don’t know.”

Marc nods a little, quiet for a moment himself. “From now on, it belongs to me, yeah? Even if you’re the one tying yourself up—you’ll be doing it because I tell you to, alright? And you’ll be doing it safely. It’s dangerous to tie yourself up when you’re alone. That’s not like my good girl. I don’t want to hear you doing that again.”

“Sorry,” you whisper. You kneel on the floor, bed too covered in toys to lay on. You rest your head against the edge of the mattress, adjusting the phone so that he can still see your face.

“I’ll forgive you when I hear that you won’t do it anymore,” he says. His hand is moving again. Maybe he is jerking off. “Promise me.”

“I won’t tie myself up when I’m alone. I promise.”

Marc lets out a breath, a literal sigh of relief. His eyes go squinty as he smiles, pride evident in the curve of his lips. “There’s my good girl.”

You groan again, turning to bury your face in the mattress.

“Are you on the floor right now?” he laughs.

You groan in an affirmative.

“Kneeling for me?”

You hadn’t intended it that way, but now that he says it, you realize that you are. You nod your head, face still hidden.

“Thighs apart?”

You peek an eye at him and hope he can tell that you’re scowling. Determined to follow his rules (even if your sex positively aches between your thighs) you shift your legs apart.

“You make me feel so powerful,” he says, voice a little shaky. His eyes are looking just off screen, like he can’t make eye-contact with you right now. “Kneeling for me, following my orders. So powerful. But so, so small. You know that? Because you’ve got me wrapped around your finger. And I like it.”

“I like it too,” you murmur, head a little foggy.

“Why?”

“It feels real safe,” you admit. “Like you’ll take care of me. Like you’d never have me do something that might hurt me or embarrass myself.”

“I wouldn’t, baby, I swear I wouldn’t,” he says. Then he sighs. “You’re driving me fucking crazy. I’m jerking off twice a day just to function.”

“Marc,” you say, your voice literally shaking. “Are you—right now?”

He hums and lets his arm grow bolder. The motion is unmistakable now. Marc Spector is masturbating on the phone with you—because of you. The knowledge is like an electric zap that you feel from your head to your toes. Is his dick out? Does he have a hand beneath his sweats? All of this is too much; your own hand falls between your thighs.

“At-at,” says Marc. His shoulder stops moving. “No touching yourself.”

“What?” you whine. “That’s not fair!”

“I stopped too!”

“You’ve been jerking off for twenty minutes though, you owe me!”

“That’s not how this works,” he laughs. “Not to mention, there isn’t a chance in hell you’d last twenty minutes even if I did let you touch yourself. No—we’re going to wait.”

“Til when?”

“Spring. The first time I hear you cum, it’s going to be with my fingers tucked inside you. I want to kiss you and swallow every sound.”

“Then can we hang up?” you ask, shifting on your knees. “I need to touch myself.”

“Use your cute little vibrator,” he murmurs. You both hang up.

He’s right. There’s no way you could have lasted twenty minutes when you barely make it to two.

Spring is never going to come.

Except it does. Of course it does. There is still the occasional snowstorm, but they are irregular enough that you are no longer needed. You book a flight back home, and send Marc a screenshot of your ticket.

I’ll pick you up.

The thought makes your belly flip with nerves. You decide that as eager as you are to see Marc, you are just as anxious too. You would rather prolong it a fraction more, would rather it took place on more familiar turf (outside your apartment rather than the strange unfamiliar-familiarity of an airport). So instead you tell him to meet you back at your apartment. If he brings some basic groceries, bonus points for him.

Though planes don’t often make you nervous anymore, you find yourself gripping your folded hands so tight that you leave marks from your fingernails. What are you doing, agreeing to have sex with Marc? This could ruin everything: your most valuable friendship. The one person in the world who had stuck beside you through thick and thin, even when you had lost people you thought you’d die without.

Even more frightening: what if everything goes right?

Landed, see you soon!! You hope that your exclamation points cover up your anxiety.

Don’t be nervous, he sends back. Fuck.

The Uber is the longest of your life, familiar scenery passing by as you leave the airport and enter the city you’ve called home for so many years. The city where you met Marc. The city where you meet him again and again in the spring, like Persephone coming home. It always happens like this too.

The Uber pulls up to the curb outside your apartment, and Marc is sitting there on the steps. Today is only different because he’s pacing—maybe you aren’t the only one who’s nervous. He’s dressed for spring in just a light jacket, t-shirt, and his jeans. He doesn’t recognize the car when it pulls up, but he recognizes you in the passenger seat. God. His face lights up. Marc goes to the car door and opens it for you, draws you out and into his arms. The first hug he always gives you is bone crushing. He lifts you off the ground and twirls you in his arms before helping you regain your footing.

“Long time, no see,” he says—like always.

“Too long,” you say, clinging to him.

“Uh. Don’t forget your bags,” your Uber driver calls through the open window.

“I got them,” says Marc. He insists on carrying them inside and up the stairs—nice to see that the elevator is still out of order even after the winter. On the way up, Marc fills you in an the uneventful time he spent popping into your apartment every other day to collect your mail, to dust, to water your plants.

You wonder if he slept in your bed. If he laid amongst the scent of you and wanted to touch himself, like you had that night you were too drunk to drive home from his place. You hope that he did—you hope that he touched himself. You—

“Bed,” he says, giving you a jumpscare. At the wide-eyed expression on your face, he misunderstands. “Not for sex! Just—your exhausted. That’s what you get for taking such an early flight. You should nap. Then we should get dinner, my treat. Then we should—”

“Talk.”

“Exactly.”

At his mention of it, your exhaustion (which you had been adamantly pushing back with nerves and adrenalin) resurfaces. He’s right; you always take the earliest flights you can manage, to get home as soon as possible, and yes you arrive to the airport way too early. You’re a woman with anxiety; it’s a given. But the last thing you want to do right now is part ways with Marc. A part of you believes that if he leaves, then you might chicken out. You might never let him back in…

“Stay?” you ask.

“For a nap?” he wonders, mouth stretching in a grin that reeks of fondness for you.

“Sure.”

“In your bed?”

You swallow past the sudden knot in your throat. Fuck, it feels so real. You’re going to have Marc in your bed tonight—for more than just a nap. You push the thoughts away with violence, feeling the way heat rises in your face at the thought alone. Come on, get it together! The way you’re pining for this guy is ridiculous, like you’re a virgin on her wedding night!

Fuck, but can you help it?

“Just sleep,” Marc says, interrupting your spiraling. “Then, dinner. Then…we’ll talk.”

Something inside you relaxes, your shoulders drifting away from where they had been climbing to your ears. Just sleep. You can do that. You’re certainly exhausted enough. A trail of you is formed throughout the apartment: your keys left in the dish by the door, shoes toed off at the shoe-rack, suitcase left haphazardly outside your bedroom door.

Inside, your room is as pristine as you had left it. The sheets are fresh. You have suddenly never been more tired in your life. Taking the last few steps to your bed—a full, larger than the twin you had suffered on during the winter—you collapse on top of the blankets. Who needs to be underneath them? You’re tired enough to sleep just like this.

But Marc pulls the blankets and the sheets back, working them free from beneath your body. He tucks you in, and he climbs into the bed on the other side. Peeking one eye open, you see that he is on his side, watching you. He grins when he catches you looking.

“Sleep tight,” he says sweetly.

God, you do.

When you wake up, the shadows have changed on the wall. It is early evening, your sleep schedule properly fucked. Marc has come to spoon you sometime during your sleep, and you relish the feel of his strong arm looped around your waist, his warm chest pressed flush against your back. The both of you had fallen asleep in your jeans and socks, and neither one cared. For a moment, you let yourself lay there, enjoying the intimacy. It’s easy to pretend you are lovers when he holds you like this.

Then his nose brushes a line up the side of your neck and his breath is hot against your ear as he whispers: “Sleep good?”

“Holy shit, I didn’t know you were awake.”

He snickers, unapologetic.

“Yes,” you say, twisting in his arms. “I slept great. But now I’m starv—...ing.”

As soon as you had turned in his arms, Marc’s eyes had gone molten. Outside, a car alarm goes off. There are horns honking. Someone plays music, but it doesn’t matter. Inside you room, the only sound is the heaving of near-silent breaths as you both lean precariously over the ledge of friendship—whatever rests below, who knows!

“I’m hungry too,” he says, innuendo in his words. His hand on your back traces a line down to the curve of your hip and then up to your ribs. His thumb barely brushes the space beneath your bra. He whispers your name.

He kisses you, a soft press of lips on lips. Again, heads tilted a little differently. Again, noses brushing in a way that has him smiling against your mouth. You part for a single heartbeat before he is leaning back in and kissing you deeper, tasting the seam of your lips with his tongue. Eager, you part your mouth and let him in. Fuck the uncomfortable angle of your neck—you’re kissing Marc Spector.

And God, what a kiss it is. He explores you in a way you hadn’t been explored before. Oh yes, you’d been plundered: had men whose tongues were like their cocks, thrusting away at your mouth, no finesse, no savoring of the moment. Marc kisses you like this is the first and last time he might get to. He traces the line of your teeth with his tongue. He softly nips your bottom lip. He coaxes your tongue into his mouth just to suck at it sweetly. Never have you felt so worshiped from a single kiss—nor so aroused.

Your hips rock against him, finding that he is already erect. You manage to loop one leg around his waist before he breaks the kiss, laughing breathlessly.

“What do you think you’re doing?” he teases.

“Aren’t we—?” you blink.

“I said dinner first.”

“But I’m hungry,” you remind him, arching your back to drag your sex over his hard cock. You’ll never forget the sight of his eyes rolling back, his mouth going a little slack as he takes a shuddering breath.

He rolls you over and straddles your hips, hands finding your wrists and pinning you to the bed. His cock tents the seam of his jeans. Like this, you suddenly feel so small. Something inside you gets small and soft and says, ‘Be good for him. Do as he wants.’ You have long come to terms with the instincts inside you that make you crave this, knowing that they do not make you less of a modern woman but God, it’s still so embarrassing how easily you want to fold!

You argue instead, arching up to rub yourself against him, a spark in your eyes. A challenge. Marc’s own eyes narrow. He kneels up off of one of your legs, gripping your thigh to push it up-and-out, spreading you open for him, and God for a moment you think that you’ve convinced him, swayed him with just a wiggle of your hips, and the coming satisfaction will be (almost) as strong as your disappointment.

Instead, he brings his hand down on your pussy in a spank. You yelp. Muffled as it was through the denim, you could still feel the strength in his hand, and you are sensitive enough that it leaves you with a brief, stinging ache. He cups your sex with his palm, soothing it with the warmth of his hand.

“Dinner first. Where’s my good girl at? The girl who fell to her knees a thousand miles away without me even having to ask her, huh?”

You’d cover your face, if your hands were free. Suddenly you are shy and embarrassed at your own behavior. You don’t even allow yourself to rub up against his touch, light though it may be. Looking at him through your lashes, you say: “I’m sorry, I just…”

“You need it,” he says, thumb smoothing along the sensitive stretch of your inner thigh. “I understand, baby. Was I harsh?”

“No.”

“No, what?”

“No sir,” you whisper shyly.

His grin is broad, beatific. It turns teasing almost right away. He leans down and brushes his nose against yours before releasing your wrists and rolling off of you.

“I want to be just friends for just a while longer,” he admits in a whisper. “Throughout dinner. There’s something important I need to tell you.”

#marc spector x reader

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peistudies · 1 year

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Personal Study Update

みなさん、久しぶりですね。元気でしたか？

朗報がありますよ。先に勉強やめましたけど、もう一度始めることにしました。

Basically, I stopped studying Japanese for 1.5 years. I started this blog on the same day I began studying Japanese, a little over 2.5 years ago. That means I’d actually halted my studies for longer than I’d been studying in the first place.

So, it’s safe to say my journey isn’t the most linear. I’ve noticed some weird improvements, like I don’t translate to english as much, reading clicks more (I’m reading coherent sentences, not just a bunch of words next to each other! who woulda thought?) and I realized I remembered more than I thought I would.

But still, there are obvious gaps in my memory and various weaknesses I had prior to pausing only really got worse. A lot of the vocab I once knew have been erased from my memory, with a faint ghost of it still there, for me to confuse with other words I almost remember.

However, I won’t let these setbacks bring me down. The advantage I have is that I’m studying Japanese for fun, and no amount of mistakes I make will ever take that joy away from me.

A few weeks ago I started casually studying again. Using Bunpro, I’ve reviewed all N5 grammar. Once I finished that, I realized that there’s still a lot of work to do, and it’s sitting in my face, waiting to get conquered so I can finally reach an intermediate level Japanese.

I’ve spent the last couple of days curating a new study routine for me to follow every day so that I not only catch up with N5 vocabulary quickly but also speed through N4.

I’m heavily relying on Bunpro for both grammar and vocabulary. Now that I have N5 grammar in the bag, I just need to complete N5 Vocabulary, N4 Grammar, and N4 vocabulary to reach this subgoal.

My daily routine:

1. Finish all WK reviews / Learn more

2. Finish all Bunpro reviews

3. Minimum 3 new (N4) grammar points on Bunpro. I’m using it to follow along with my Genki II textbook, despite the N4 grammar option, because I also have the Tobira textbook and would like my knowledge to follow the path of what I’d previously paid for lol.

For each grammar point (provided I don’t already know it) I write down the rules in my notebook, read the bunpro explanation AND my textbook explanation, and finish it off by listening and reading around 10 example sentences 3 times each. First time slow, second time normal speed, third time normal speed with english translation.

4. Learn 10 new N4 vocabulary words on Bunpro. I just need to learn them by the end of the day, so I may break this up to prevent brain fatigue.

5. Review 25 N5 words on Bunpro. I used to know them so I’m being kind of hard about it, as it’s easier to pick them back up.

6. I’ve forgotten a lot of basic N5 stuff, so I try to go over something I should know that Bunpro won’t hand to me in a deck format. For example, days of the month.

7. 1-5 are the bare minimum, but I also like to get in some reading, practicing writing, or watching a show in Japanese. Some supplementary/enrichment study.

I track myself with an app called Habit Tracker, since it’s a daily task list. It’s crucial to continue it daily! Why? Because I’m trying to significantly improve my Japanese and I gave myself a deadline: March 1st. By then, I should be confident in all areas of N5, know all of Genki II Grammar, and should know 360 more words from N4. That’s a lot to do in less than 5 weeks.

I’ll keep you guys updated! Can’t wait to post some more grammar/vocab stuff on here again!

#japanese #how to learn japanese #learn japanese #japanese studyblr #studyblr #日本語 #japanese beginner #japanese vocabulary #japanese grammar #japanese phrases

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ribbithe8 · 2 years

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aaaaaskfdjskjsdf ok this is just going to be a word vomit because rn my head is like *brain haze* bc i’m feeling way too many things and i’m still reminiscing about the concert last night and like, reflecting on my last 1.5 years with seventeen, or i guess technically last 6 years? my god.

listening to rock with you is gonna turn into a crying trigger for me at this point because I’VE FINALLY EXPERIENCED IT LIVE NOW. I LITERALLY SAW THE GUYS PERFORM IT IN FRONT OF MY EYES WITHIN LIKE 40 FEET OF ME. i saw them last night!!!! what the fuck!!!!!!! one of my favorite songs of all time and my emotional attachment to it...

EVERY TIME I CLOSE MY EYES I JUST REMEMBER MINGHAO WALKING TOWARDS OUR SIDE OF THE FLOOR AND HIS EYEBROWS LIFTING SLIGHTLY/HIS EYES OPENING JUST A LITTLE MORE AT MY HEADBAND. AND THEN ME QUICKLY DOING A FINGER HEART AT HIM. AND THEN!!!!!! HIM RETURNING IT TO ME!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!! MINGHAO LOOKING AT ME!!!!!!!!! I’M DELUSIONAL!!!!!!! okay obviously i know it’s just another normal fan at a concert interaction it’s literally his job. i just happened to catch his attention bc of my green kermit headband:

(fuck oakland arena for the no light-up stuff rule. i wanted to turn this on so badly. but at least he saw it during soundcheck. thank u my college friend’s roommate for making this for me Q_Q)

BUT AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA THE FACT THAT HE GAVE ME FINGER HEART BACK.... SOUNDCHECK WAS WORTH THE MONEY AND PAIN AND SUFFERING ALKALKJALKFDJLSKJFSD. even though we arrived kinda late we still made it on time and the livenation staff was understanding of our situation (not having the original purchaser’s ID because we bought resale), everything just worked out perfectly for us... i guess the only con of the concert was that i wasn’t quite used to adjusting my camera settings for photos/videos in the beginning, and that’s when rock with you was performed T___T as well as performance unit songs. to be fair PU’s stages had VERY bright lights so it was a challenge to take pics and videos anyways compared to HHU and VU (vocal unit was BY FAR the easiest, because they’re all standing in place lmfao). but yeah alkjasfdkj aghhhhh even though i didn’t get many good photos or videos of minghao (PLUS HE DIDN’T COME TO OUR SIDE OF THE STAGE MUCH i know he’s more of an introvert but my babyyyyy 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 this is why soundcheck was worth lol)

OKAY ALSO he looked very cute yesterday :((( i jokingly call him ugly all the time because his face is not at all my type but he genuinely did look very nice in person. i’m really glad that i got to see him in the flesh instead of only knowing him through photoshopped and heavily filtered or whitewashed photos and videos. because really, that’s one of the main purposes of going to a kpop concert anyways... also i don’t like most of minghao’s selfies because they’re so filtered or warp his face in a way that looks kind of uncanny LOL. i love my honey the way he looks normally 🥺

i think for the next concert i definitely want to bring a sign to catch his attention again LOL. the headbands really worked during soundcheck (but then again that’s also only VIP so i have less competition and the lights were on). i feel like a sign asking him to be my wife in chinese would make him react more LOOOOOOL. minghao please be my lawfully wedded wife 😤

god it really doesn’t feel real that i saw them in person 26 hours ago... what the hell... minghao was less than 10 feet from me... 😭😭😭

UNWHITEWASHED!!!!! NO FILTERS!!! SKIN TEXTURE!!! (because all my other photos and videos the exposure is too high so he looks white ALKJSLKDF) THE REAL HIM!!!!!

i like this one because he was standing still and if you zoom in you can see he’s actually looking in our general direction lol.

i don’t care if he looked at us with annoyance or whatever and doesn’t actually like concert fans much (because if i was an idol i’d probably be annoyed by most fans lol) i’m just glad i got to see him :’) i give him love as a fan because i love him as an idol, not because i want him to like me as a person LMFAO it’s strictly a business/transactional relationship of fan-idol, but with general good feelings. something most kpop fans can’t distinguish which is why i can’t vibe with them... but anyways yeah i like this pic because he kinda looks like he’s giving me/my camera the sideeye 💖💖💖

his resting bitch face 💖💖💖💖💖💖 literally the thing that got me interested in him... normal people be like “omg he looks mad :(” meanwhile i’m just HE LOOKS PISSED MY BABY 🥰

also oh my god i can never go back to normal seating for seventeen. i need front row bro. or at least within the first three rows otherwise i think i’ll legit die AAHAHAHAH now that i know what it’s like to be up close 😭💀 i just opened google photos and the first thing it showed me was oty in 2020

THIS VIEW WAS NOT BAD but it’s NOTHING compared to my view last night like holy fuck i was at fansite level closeness

LIKE CHAN WAVED AND SMILED AT ME. I MADE THIS MY LOCKSCREEN AND I GET EMOTIONAL EVERY TIME I OPEN MY PHONE NOW ALKAJLKSJDLFK you can’t get this experience sitting in the regular seats 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 AAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUGHHHHH

also i got really good photos of wonwoo since he did come to our side during back it up i think. actually i wasn’t paying attention to the HHU songs ALKJADSKFDS i was only focusing on getting photos since i don’t have any attachment to HHU songs. but yeah, the wonwoo pics kinda went viral on twitter (miwon17_ reposted them LOL my kpop famous era... my dk and vernon photos as well. can’t believe dkzones reposted all my dks). even though he fell down my bias list he’s still the main reason for why i even fell into caratland in december 2020... like i literally made this blog because of him AOIWTOAASLKJSF so i cannot deny his impact 🙈 so might as well feed the wonwoorideuls. ALSO HE LEGITIMATELY DID LOOK HOT but imo he looked the sexiest during soundcheck when his hair was unstyled and he had bangs over his entire forehead. something about the hair down 2nd/early 3rd gen kpop hair that was popular when i was in jr. high and early high school that activates my hunger...... i wasn’t expecting to feel 😳 over wonwoo at any point that night but soundcheck!!!!! wow!

i really feel like i’ve changed so much since i got into seventeen... my main interests are still anime and games and i listened to kpop regularly before too (mostly girl groups) but seventeen has really given me so much to look forward to in life, or like it’s elevated my mental state to the point that i can actually appreciate and find joy in so many more things? as much as i have disdain for kpop fans (i ranted about some white girls sitting near us in vip. lol) it still really is fun talking and befriending some of them, even if i’m a specific type of kpop fan that like... cannot blend in with most normal kpop fans lol. i’m just glad my best friend irl is more insane than me so we just connect all the time. and that i have fellow lesbian/wlw minghao friends who also get the gender envy and want to eat him, but don’t actually feel romantic or sexual attraction to him...? IDK my relationship with minghao is very complex which is why i can’t vibe with most 8stans honestly but he is my honey baobei and as long as i have 1-3 people who get it (which i do!) all is well in the world <3 so while my dream of being noticed/acknowledged by minghao has been fulfilled, the next goal is to make him laugh somehow... next world tour please 🙏

god though listening to rock with you really does make me so emotional. i was basically dying when the song and mv dropped in october and 10 months later it’s still kicking my ass 😭 UGH I LOVE SEVENTEEN SO MUCH!!!! they’re part of my routine now and i’m so glad they’re still active and will be for a few more years at least. i can see them live at least 1 or 2 more times :’))) the experiences and emotions they’ve given me are things that no one can take from me

#ribbith txt #just post concert word vomit because 🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴

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ear-worthy · 7 months

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Past Perfect Podcast: Trivia That Is Not Trivial

The world is awash with contradictions. Case in point: Trivia nights and trivia in general have never been more popular. Trivia is based on unassailable facts, but facts have now become fungible based on what news network you watch. Trump lost the 2020 election? Depends on if you're watching Fox News. COVID was a virus that has killed more than 1.5 million Americans. Depends on what anti-vaxxer / conspiracy theory social media site and rabbit hole you have plunged down.

Anyway, the way people play trivia games continues to evolve, whether it’s folks enjoying Trivial Pursuit at home or attending a pub trivia night.

But the basic premise remains the same: People enjoy the thrill of providing correct answers to questions about lesser-known facts.

“You get a rush or a neuroreward signal or a dopamine burst from winning,” John Kounios, Ph.D., professor of psychology and director of the doctoral program in applied cognitive and brain sciences at Drexel University in Pennsylvania, told Healthline. “I think whenever you’re challenged with a trivia question, and you happen to know it, you get a rush. It’s sort of like gambling.”

In the article, he said the benefits can also be similar to those of playing a video game. However, unlike gambling and even video games, Kounios says trivia is generally not a habit that’s a problem.

Podcasting has witnessed several successful game show formatted shows, such as Wait, Wait…Don't Tell Me!, Ask Me Another, Queen Of Hearts, and The Great American Pop Culture.

Now there is a new trivia game show podcast called Past Perfect.

The show is launching with a five-episode tournament-style contest. Each episode covers a decade in history, beginning with the 1980s, traveling through the 2010s, and culminating in a grand finale covering “Trivia of the Century.”

The show tests knowledge across history and pop culture, with questions ranging from space exploration and Supreme Court rulings to NBA drafts and “Dirty Dancing.” There are even some memory-bending lyrical challenges that’ll have you asking, “How does that song go again?”

Plus, it wouldn’t be a trivia tournament without a little drama as contestants fight for bonus points and the chance to steal questions from their opponents. After battling through three rounds, players move on to a lightning round to finish the

game. The contestants are all fighting for the grand prize: a time capsule chock-full of novelty items from the last 40 years.

Expect appearances from Saidu Tejan-Thomas (Resistance, This

American Life), Emmanuel Dzotsi (Serial, Reply All, This American Life), Milly Tamarez (Betches Sup podcast, writer Reductress, Wait, Wait Don’t Tell Me), Alise Morales (Betches Sup podcast,

The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, Late Night with Seth Meyers) and more.

I've listened to the first three episodes and love the show.

Let me tell you why.

First, the vibe of the show is fun and funny. It's not Jeopardy, and the goal, I believe, is to make it fun for the contestants on the show, and the listeners. If so, the podcast has more than accomplished that goal.

Second, the host of the show is funny, sunny, and as adorable as a bunny.

“Simone is the perfect host for this show!” says co-creator Zac Stuart-Pontier. “Past Perfect is a highly intelligent, heavily researched game show, and Simone brings a whip-smart, zany, fun

Miss Frizzle energy. We can’t wait to hear what the world thinks of Past Perfect!”

As the former host of Not Past It, Simone Polanen has always had history and pop culture at the forefront of her work. Past Perfect lets her continue exploring those subjects through the fun

format of trivia. Prior to Past Perfect and Not Past It, Polanen produced for TV and podcasts like The Nod, StartUp, and Reply All. She writes a culture newsletter called HIGHBROW/LOWBROW, covering everything from reality TV and art house films to concertos.

In her bio, Polanen claims that, "She physically lives in Brooklyn but mentally lives in 2004." I have no idea what that means, but I'm officially stealing it for my bio, unless Polanen has it trademarked.

Simone Polanen is a terrific host for the show. Game show-type podcasts require a lot of up-tempo energy, snappy one-liners, and an "always be closing" attitude. Polanen makes wrong answers funny and correct answers a cause for celebration.

I get the feeling she could answer all these questions correctly herself.

I recommend the show for trivia nerds who win at the local sports bar every Tuesday night. We've won several times at our Carolina Blue sports bar in Pitman, New Jersey. Our secret? We build our team with members from the Baby Boomers, Gen X, Millennials, and Gen Z, so we're covered for any question on music, TV, movies, and cultural memes like bell-bottoms, mood rings, Tamagotchis, and belly chains.

The show is leading up to an ultimate winner after five episodes, but I'd love to see it become a permanent podcast for my weekly trivia fix. After listening to Past Perfect, I think you'll agree.

Finally, I discussed Past Perfect with Devin Andrade of Tink Media (a superb podcast marketing and PR firm) and tested her trivia bona fides with this question.

Me: What iconic line does Miranda Priestly say when dismissing Andy in The Devil Wears Prada?

Devin: "That's All," which is correct.

So, for those of you still reading this article, here are two more The Devil Wears Prada trivia questions.

What name did Meryl Streep call Anne Hathaway on her first day at work? Her character name was Andy, or Andrea?

What did Emily Blunt's character say about her goal weight in The Devil Wears Prada?

While you're thinking or having ChatGPT answer for you, remember to check out Past Perfect.

#podcast #podcasting #trivia #games

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thestreamdreampony · 3 years

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Ok, so while I'm in a talkative mood, there's smth else I wanna talk about:

Ya'll make me feel so goddamn old. I was able to pull out the "listen to your elders" card in my previous post and I turned 22 a few days ago. Do you people even realize how young that is? I still barely feel like an adult most days and I've lived away from home for the last 4 years.

Most mcyts are my age or younger. I know we joke about Phil being old enough to go into retirement, but my man is 33. That's not old. That's not even middle age.

Ya'll hold these teens and barely-adults to such a ridiculous standards of conduct, when they are still children or barely of age. And while this definitely applies to ccs like Tommy, Ranboo and Tubbo, I especially want to talk about Techno and Dream. Because neither of them is that much older than the teens. Being of age doesn't come with a neatly packaged box of maturity that's served with the birthday cake.

Both of them are younger than me. Hell, Techno turns 22 today. I'm not even going to talk about their neurodivergence (because I am not qualified to do so). They are young as hell. And while yes, Techno has been doing Youtube for many years now, both of them have been thrust into the limelight in an insane way, in one hell of a short time. Hell, Dream went from no subscribers to 22 million in less than 1.5 years.

Every single move they make is scrutinized by literally millions of people, both with friendly and malicious intentions. Both people who mean well and people who don't rifle through every single thing they say and ever said in their entire online history and use that spin a narrative about them. And that narrative can be good, even worshipful and it can be bad, with the goal to hurt both the ccs and their fans.

Obviously, them being famous and influential is largely beneficial to them, especially financially, but I think a bit of perspective is sometimes necessary. These barely adults are scrutinized and scrutinized and scrutinized. Every action, ever toneshift, every relationship, every word is analyzed and picked over.

And for that I do admire them because I know that neither I, nor most of my peers (who are in my age range, if not older) would be able to handle that kind of pressure. To be bombarded with thousands of people screaming at me day in day out has got to be fucking exhausting.

And the way they handle themselves, especially Dream, speaks to me of an immense capability for growth and for listening. The Dream that admitted to cheating yesterday is not the same person that defended himself hot-headedly a year ago.

And even that is somewhat understandable. Like, don't get me wrong, Dream not admitting to his wrong doing and getting really defensive about it was in no way a great way of handling the situation, but imagine how you'd feel if you suddenly you get bombarded by thousands of people calling you the scum of the earth, after being completely unknown to the public not even a year before that. (Like I said, I'm not going to get into him being nd, but that, as far as I'm aware, also heavily impacts the way he processes and handles things. Same for Techno)

You don't have to like anyone's actions. You don't have to forgive them if they fuck up and you don't have to like anyone at all. But please, for the love of god, keep in mind that these people, while highly capable and fairly mature, are nowhere near as old as most of the fandom likes to act they are and that they are most definitely capable of learning and changing.

#mcyt #dreamwastaken #dream smp #discourse #technoblade #tw harrassment

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rainydawgradioblog · 3 years

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RDR Essentials - Hip-Hop/R&B (4/21)

RDR Essentials is a weekly newsletter of alternating genres that outlines key releases of the past month, upcoming events around Seattle and happenings in the specified music genre.

Made in collaboration between Rainy Dawg DJs and the Music Director.

Releases:

Armand Hammer & The Alchemist - Haram

New York rap duo Armand Hammer have become known for their dreary, dense, and thought-provoking poetry, often paired with gloomy instrumentation and symbolic storytelling. Haram, the duo’s newest full-length album, marks billy woods and Elucid’s first collaboration with one producer for an entire record. The Alchemist lends his ear to the pair on this album, providing an eerie, haunting and emotive soundscape that still sounds like nothing the legendary producer has made in the past, pushing his own boundaries and proving that he is capable of evolution even after a career spanning two decades. Tracks like “Indian Summer” are laced with a menacing energy, while “Falling out the Sky” sounds almost summer-esque, like the sun peeking through an otherwise dark place, beginning with an abstract verse from Earl Sweatshirt, centered around mentions of the sky, space, and supernovas. This track starts a three-song run of the record’s only rap features, as well: “Wishing Bad” contains a furious verse from Curly Castro, transitioning with a more than menacing audio sample that forebodes in an echoing fashion: “There’s a lot of blood early on here”. This next track,“Chicharrones”, is one of the most fear-inducing beats the Alchemist has concocted thus far, and acts as an anger-fueled climax of the record. Quelle Chris delivers a seething verse, focusing on police brutality, not from a perspective of fear or sadness, but rather unrestrained rage, rife with references to George Orwell’s seminal Animal Farm but grounded in a clear disdain for the police. “If you off the pig/ Is you offin' pigs or offerin' figs?/ Oh, you big and bad?/ Blowin' hay and sticks, huffin' bricks” Quelle Chris chides in the chorus: “off the pig” likely refers to not eating pork as a convertee to Islam, in reference to the album’s title, “haram”, meaning “forbidden”, and the record’s stomach-churning cover art. The chorus seems to call out those who claim solidarity and yet “offer figs”, a phrase with roots in the biblical tale of Adam and Eve, who, in shame for their behavior, cover their genitals with fig leaves.

These guest features reinforce the record’s themes of drug abuse, class theory, racism, and the cultural ramifications of the “forbidden” in all its forms. Those who use the forbidden to cope, those who are able to get away with doing the forbidden, and everything in between seems to manifest within the record’s walls. As with every Armand Hammer release, however, it is the energy and poetry of these two MCs, seemingly almost psychically connected, that makes their staggeringly dense words so potent. At every turn, the two seem interlaced. Elucid brings invigoration to his verses, combined with sung choruses that sound as raw as can be, like on the solo track “Roaches Don’t Fly”, with soaring guitar riffs carrying an explosive verse (“My new name, colonizer’s can’t pronounce”) swelling to an enormous sung mantra: “You don’t gotta be here if you don’t wanna.” Elucid’s unique style of delivery often sees him, as many have noted, emphasizing unexpected syllables in his words, leaving his performances consistently engaging. Billy woods’ signature vignette-style storytelling and dry, dark humor are intact once again as well. The first verse of “Indian Summer” sees woods start a track as menacingly as one can (“I swore vengeance in the seventh grade/ Not on one man, the whole human race”), leading to a chilling tale of a man’s past in drug sales using a job cutting grass as cover, with detail to spare, painting a clear scene of “the stink of gas in the evening” and “the intoxication of counting cash in secret.” Highlight “Squeegee”, too, sees woods providing an unbelievable lesson in telling a full story in a short amount of time, chronicling a man’s attempt to turn his life around: eating healthy, working out before dawn, and barely smoking weed. Ultimately it’s all for naught, as paranoia takes over. He wonders if someone will follow him home, he wonders what his neighbors are doing, and it seems that old habits creep their way back in: ‘The taste in his mouth just like before.” It’s a chilling vignette, and undoubtedly one of woods’ best verses to date.

The album ends on an emotive high note; if “Chicharrones'' was the angry climax, “Stonefruit” is the album’s explosive and heart-wrenching finale. Elucid’s sorrowful chorus makes clear a turn inward, after an album focused so heavily on societal ills. “I don’t want to lose control” he repeats: “I’ve got so much left to undo.” Finally, billy woods delivers the album's most painful and emotive verse. Woods seemingly chronicles a rocky relationship perhaps interrupted by a sudden passing, a relationship filled with strife (“Said ‘OK’ to save face, but she never forgave”) that is yet anchored by an irrefutable love. The beautiful instrumental turns into a droning, and the euphoric emotional climax is once again drowned out by the ills it is surrounded by. This album is dense, difficult, and often a hard listen. But if one chooses to give it the attention it asks, it is more than rewarding enough, and once again proves billy woods, Elucid, and The Alchemist as three of the best artists we’ve ever seen.

- Casey Chamberlain

Kenny Mason - Angelic Hoodrat Supercut

Atlanta artist Kenny Mason is beginning to make a name for himself. After his impressive Angelic Hoodrat last year and a standout feature on Denzel Curry & Kenny Beats’ UNLOCKED 1.5 remix album, the 26 year old is back with a sequel project, Supercut, and continues to impress with his astounding mix of rock and rap. The project is a tightrope act that balances the genres, bringing trap beats, triplet flows, and bedroom guitar passages in equal measure. Rap cuts like the excellent “A+” featuring Denzel Curry see Kenny bringing technical flows and quick wit to the table, alongside standout “Much Money” which sees Freddie Gibbs making an appearance, bringing his signature swagger and Instagram-story quotables.

However, the most impressive aspects of the record are where things begin to change up, seeing Kenny swing more into rock and indie territory. “Play Ball” feels like a teenage anthem, accompanied by driving guitar riffs and bouncy drums and vocal mixing more reminiscent of a live performance at a house show than a recording booth. Opener “43”, too, immediately sets the tone, with a powerful sung chorus and heavy guitar rhythm and booming drums. Perhaps the biggest highlight, however, is the two-part “Pup”, which sees a low-key first half blend into a spacey and introspective second half. Not only is the production here at perhaps its most interesting of the record, combining gritty guitar and a pulsing trap beat, but Kenny’s songwriting stands out as well, with a strong emotive performance and personal lyrics highlighting insecurities. If there’s any critique to be had of this record, it would be that it most certainly feels like a part two of the first Angelic Hoodrat (in fact, the record’s title even makes it sound more like a deluxe than a separate album). Yet, Kenny’s style is most certainly exciting, reminiscent in equal measure of contemporaries across the musical spectrum, from Jean Dawson to JID. If refining his sound means putting out music as impressive as this, then Kenny Mason is on the right track, and is one to watch.

- Casey Chamberlain

Benny the Butcher & Harry Fraud - The Plugs I Met 2

Benny The Butcher has rocketed to heights previously unknown in the last year, with his full length project with Hit-Boy, Burden of Proof, being his biggest project yet, and seeing him steer into different sonic territory, moving away from the grimy Daringer and Alchemist production he had become known for on projects like Tana Talk 3. 2019’s The Plugs I Met was the epitome of that sound, and it’s perhaps inevitable that Benny would move past it at some point. Plugs I Met 2, however, feels like a marriage of those two sounds, sounding like a true sequel to the first project while still pushing into new territory and incorporating bigger features. There’s nothing as grimy here as the first album’s “Sunday School” or “Dirty Harry”, but tracks like “When Tony Met Sosa” and “Plug Talk” carry that same energy.

Highlights include “Overall” featuring Chinx, where the production feels like a brilliant mix of the street sounds and the lavish flashiness of Benny’s wordplay, alongside heavy drum kicks and incredibly dense production. Harry Fraud produced every track on the project, and this consistency shines. Each track sounds different from the last, but they fit neatly together. Even the tracks that tone down the energy feel just as lyrically impressive, such as “Live By It.” The features are mostly standout as well, with guest verse from 2 Chainz, Rick Hyde, and more. Overall, this is a solid project and logical sequel to the first Plugs I Met. Those who miss Benny’s grimy, TT3-era sound may be disappointed not to hear it return on every track here, but for those who remain impressed by Benny’s newfound flexibility, Plugs I Met 2 will no doubt remain a worthwhile addition to the Griselda catalog.

- Casey Chamberlain

Denzel Curry & Kenny Beats - UNLOCKED 1.5

Not content with waiting for the already-announced sequel to release, Kenny Beats and Denzel Curry return with a batch of remixes of tracks from last year’s excellent UNLOCKED with UNLOCKED 1.5. Featuring guest production and verses, this collection feels less like a full project on its own and more of a playful invitation to collaborators to make something brand new out of an already energetic album. The original UNLOCKED made clear its influence from MF DOOM, Madlib, and a host of others, seeing Kenny Beats branch out into new, cartoony territory and seeing Denzel Curry flex his lyrical prowess on a non-stop barrage of high-octane tracks. 1.5, in comparison, takes many of those rambunctious verses and places them over entirely new production. Standout “So.Incredible.pkg”, with production by the great Robert Glasper brings a jazzy and laid back energy, where Denzel still feels right at home, followed by an excellent and sly verse from Smino. “Cosmic.m4a [The Alchemist Version]” brings in the legendary producer for a brand new beat with beating drums and piano passages, alongside a vengeful, if not far too short, verse from Joey Bada$$. “Pyro” sees bouncy new production from Sango, with a witty and childlike feature from Kenny Mason. The highlight, however, has to be “DIET_” which, as the standout of the original project, with Denzel’s ferocious and guttural delivery inspired by the late DMX now enhanced by an effortless verse from Benny the Butcher, marking an unlikely but incredibly fulfilling appearance. The original UNLOCKED was a lighthearted project that showcased the talent of Denzel and Kenny Beats. 1.5, while not necessarily a fulfilling EP taken on its own, is something of a victory lap for the duo and their friends, a fun counterpart to the original project and a flexing of creative muscles.

- Casey Chamberlain

AG Club - Fuck Your Expectations PT. 1

When AG Club titled this album “Fuck Your Expectations”, they meant it. Fans, like me, who became hooked on AG Club after their debut melodic rap masterpiece Halfway Off the Porch, have been patiently awaiting a completed “Fuck Your Expectations” since its anticipated debut date in the summer of 2020. After months of waiting, with a few eclectic singles sprinkled in, AG Club decided to fuck our expectations once again by only giving fans part one, released April 2nd, with part two expected (I’m hesitant to use this word) on April 30th. Although it’s not the drop fans were expecting, it’s more than enough to tide us over. AG Club, now only composed of Jody Fontaine and Baby Boy on vocals, brings a fresh and exciting energy on this album that is more comparable to their early singles, like “Holy Shit” or “Ay, G”, than it is to their last full release. Tracks like “NOHO”, composed solely of bass and percussion, and “Columbia”, which features a blaring horn like they just brought the cavalry out, are the album’s “bangers”. AG Club hasn’t settled - they still have chips on their shoulders - and these songs prove that. To round the album out and further their pattern of genre-warping, tracks like “HOT PINK” and “A Bitch Curious” mix R&B, indie pop and rap to produce a completely new sound for the group. And just when you thought your expectations were certifiably fucked, the “A Bitch Curious” instrumental suddenly morphs into an EDM beat around three minutes in. Although it’s filled with an absurd amount of interludes for a nine track album, this project will still leave you saying: “Thank you AG Club, may I have another?”

- Charlie Darnall

BROCKHAMPTON - ROADRUNNER: NEW LIGHT, NEW MACHINE

The visuals for BROCKHAMPTON’s latest record say a lot about it. The video for “BUZZCUT”, the album’s opener, is a glorious clusterfuck of outdated animation and strobing color. On Spotify, every song is accompanied by a video of each vocalist’s face slowly morphing into the next. The self-proclaimed boy band’s visuals, although abrasive at first, are full of depth; every scene in a video or clip has spot on color pallets, an energy that accurately mirrors the song and an attention grabbing theme. And ROADRUNNER is equally as dense. Sonically, the album can range from the aggressive, east coast rap inspired “BANKROLL” to the all acapella, gospel inspired “DEAR LORD”. Between these polar opposites, lie eleven eclectic, constantly morphing tracks. “WINDOWS” is an eerie, acoustic laced song about all the boys being “outside your window” (oh no!) Following it, however, is the accessible and breezy R&B/pop track “I’LL TAKE YOU ON” featuring the legendary Charlie Wilson. “DON’T SHOOT UP THE PARTY” contrasts a beat that could send an Ibiza nightclub into a frenzy with passionate lyrics about racial injustice and the media and government’s inability to condemn white mass shooters. In the spirit of a “new light”, BROCKHAMPTON decided to include features on this album - a first time for the boy band. In both popularity and sound, these features are equally as eclectic. Features range from industry titans, like A$AP Rocky, to smaller, indie pop artists like Baird. Amongst the album’s themes of religion, hedonism and new beginnings, you will find density, both instrumentally and lyrically.

- Charlie Darnall

Young Stoner Life - Slime Language 2

The second installment of Young Thug’s Slime Language series is undeniably essential. Young Thug and Gunna together are arguably two of the biggest figures in rap right now. Do you have a cousin or sibling in middle or high school? What about a friend in a fraternity? I’ll bet you $100 they’ve both heard a Young Thug or Gunna song in the past week. Both these Atlanta artists have transcended your average rap fan; their songs might be on your dad’s favorite radio station. And I think they’ve realized that. Out of the many things this album succeeds in, its greatest accomplishment is playing into the popularity its creators have achieved. Features include Drake, Lil Baby, Lil Uzi Vert, Travi$ Scott, Skepta, Kid Cudi and even the controversial YNW Melly. The beats are accessible and lend themselves to millions of streams. Tracks such as “I Like” and “Trance” model the more melodic side of Travi$ Scott’s sound with a low tempo and spacey synths. “That Go!” sounds like Playboi Carti had a beat to spare after finishing Whole Lotta Red. In terms of lyrics, there isn’t much to say. Gunna and Young Thug are still two of the biggest rappers alive, they’re still quite wealthy and they’ve made sure to mention that, although their lines seem to prioritize memorability. Every song is either hard enough to make a JV basketball team go nuts, melodic enough for late night drive or bouncy enough to make your mom go “oh, this is fun!” The album plays on many established themes and styles, but I asked myself two questions after I first listened and these are the answers I came to: Is it trying to be popular? Yes. Is that necessarily a bad thing? No.

- Charlie Darnall

Upcoming Releases:

MIKE- Disco! (6/21)

New York rapper MIKE has released a steady stream of incredible, personal, and beautiful records over the past few years, and it seems he is gearing up to release another project, titled Disco! this June. The rapper’s raw delivery and soulful production has brought him to the forefront of the burgeoning abstract hip-hop scene, and projects like 2019’s Tears of Joy and the seminal May God Bless Your Hustle have garnered not only critical acclaim but a fanbase of passionate fans. The lead single for the project, “Evil Eye” provides a gorgeous sample and instrumentation and a short but sweet verse, and is a perfect taste of what is sure to be another personal and important record from one of the best rappers currently working. Disco! arrives June 21st on MIKE’s label 10k.

- Casey Chamberlain

Paris Texas - “BOY ANONYMOUS” (5/14)

Compton-based duo Paris Texas have announced their debut EP, BOY ANONYMOUS. The group has made a splash with the project’s lead singles after dropping the explosive “HEAVY METAL” earlier this year. The group mixes rock and rap, and brings a ferocious energy to their music while staying introspective. The group’s name comes from the 1984 movie of the same title, often cited as Kurt Cobain’s favorite film. The duo has released two other tracks prior to the project’s release, “FORCE OF HABIT” and “SITUATIONS.” The eight-track EP is out May 14th.

- Casey Chamberlain

#rainy dawg radio #paris texas #mike #young stoner life #ysl #ag club #denzel curry #kenny beats #benny the butcher #harry fraud #kenny mason #armand hammer #the alchemist

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doomedandstoned · 3 years

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In Conversation with KOMATSU

~By Willem Verhappen~

Photo by Patrick Spruytenburg

For the past decade or so, super massive mothersludgers KOMATSU have been crushing eardrums and bulldozing down venues all around the world. While early releases of the Eindhoven, the Netherlands based band, like their 2011 self-titled EP and 'Manu Armata' (2013 - Suburban Records), display a relentless combination of stonerized sludge that lives up to the band's name, Komatsu always kept evolving and expanding their sound.

Their latest record, 'Rose of Jericho' (2021 - Heavy Psych Records), is on the one hand a natural successor to 2018's 'A New Horizon' (Argonauta Records), but surprisingly also introduces the listener to a more rocking side of the band. I had the chance to sit down with vocalist/guitarist Mo Truijens and guitarist Mathijs Bodt and after some chit-chat, we went to talk about the new record, the impact of the COVID-19 crisis and much more.

KOMATSU - Rose Of Jericho by HEAVY PSYCH SOUNDS Records

Last year, I was in contact with your bass-player, Martijn Mansvelders, and he told me you were impacted pretty bad by the corona measures.

Mathijs: Indeed. Our entire planning basically went down the drain. It started with the last bits of our recording process. We started recording during Carnaval [the end of February] at the Anker Studio in Eindhoven with Peter van Elderen (TankZilla, formerly of Peter Pan Speedrock). Things went very well and we were just at the point where we could start recording the vocals when COVID hit. Usually, there's always one of us present to oversee the process, but that wasn't allowed. After that you get into the mixing process, where usually the entire band is involved and in the studio. As you can imagine, that didn't go through.

Mo: In this case, it was mostly just me who was there. Also because we still had to do the vocals and the mixing of the vocals.

Mathijs: Right, and we got the mix-downs sent to us after which we had to write down and send in our comments. That took a bit longer than expected, but it worked out nice.But like you said, we had planned to release the record during the summer, do a Brazilian tour in September, followed by a release show, here in Eindhoven at the Effenaar. After that we were going to do a two-week tour through Europe. Initially the release show was planned for October 15th, but that got postponed until January, then early February, then the end of February, then the 12th of June, but thanks to the test events we can finally present our record, which was released in February, on the 25th of April.

Mo: What's nice is that this is certain. We don't know whether we'd be allowed to play on June 12th, but April 25th is certain. We found that we couldn't keep on postponing the date, so we decided that if we couldn't play then, there wouldn't be a release show. You can imagine that we're in a rush now with rehearsals, because we were thinking "soon", but now it's happening "very soon".

Mathijs: You have a point there. You're saying we rehearsed a bit, but we couldn't rehearse in our own rehearsal room. Even with the 1.5 meter distance and a face-mask, we weren't allowed to be in there with four people. I believe we've only had 6 rehearsals.

Mo: The good thing is that we're allowed to rehearse now, because currently we're a performing act. I've checked it with the authorities and it's allowed.

You already mentioned that Peter van Elderen produced the record. What was his influence on the process?

Mo: He has a good view on songs and regarding the vocals, while I had rough ideas, he really helped me improve them. He was a great help.

Mathijs: Of course we also have quite a history with Peter. Mo and Peter used to play in Repomen together and I used to be a roadie for Peter Pan. We know him through things like PopEI, Speedfest, Peter Pan, Repomen.

Mo: The circle is complete, so to say. And Pieter [Kloos] eventually did the mastering. It doesn't get more Eindhoven than that.

Mathijs: We recorded the previous two records with Pieter. That worked out great, but for this one, we wanted to try something different. Not because it didn't work out with Pieter, but we just wanted to try something different this time. Peter was heavily involved from the start and he joined our rehearsals and such. We recorded the record in just over a day and a half. Everything is live, with some guitar overdubs added afterwards.

Mo: We finished those overdubs just before the lock-down started, so all the music was recorded.

Mathijs: I think we spent three, three and a half days on the music, so that was a relatively quick process.

The album title, 'Rose of Jericho' (2021), is a symbol of resurrection. I can imagine that relates directly to your new sound.

Mo: Yes, there is certainly more variation and dynamics on the record.

Mathijs: The rose of Jericho, or resurrection plant, is a plant that can go without water for ten, fifteen years. When it receives water it pops back up as a flower. That concept really spoke to us, and that's why the instrumental title track has a bit of a western feel to it.

Mo: We really went for the desert atmosphere on that one. You can almost see the tumbleweed pass by during the intro. The track was originally meant to be called "Tumbleweed," but then I found out that Candybar Planet already has a song called "Tumbleweed." I still liked the desert idea, and eventually we renamed the track "Rose of Jericho."

Can we expect anything special for the release show?

Mo: We'll be playing all the tracks of the record live. In the past that wasn't always the case. I think a lot of these tracks will remain in our set. Of course we will revise our set when we're playing a real metal festival. We'll probably be playing more of our old stuff then, although the roughness is still there in the new tracks.

Mathijs: At some point you're starting to weigh your choices while writing songs. We want to be able to play them live, because we're still first and foremost a live band. That's where we really shine. This was also a period of reflection and we figured that we had fifty tracks on four records. You start listening to them in a different way and you come to the conclusion that we already have so many hard songs.

Mo: Martijn often says things like "This is a quiet song," but a quiet Komatsu song is still far from a quiet song.

Mathijs: We didn't plan on changing our style. It came together in quite an organic way, as a result of playing live, rehearsing and recording. The COVID period was also quite interesting in that regard, because Mo and I never stopped writing music, and we're currently at the point where we could start arranging songs for the next record.

'Rose of Jericho' is your first record on Heavy Psych Sounds. How did that collaboration come about?

Mo: Gabriele [Fiori] arranged a couple of tours for us, like the ones with Nick Oliveri and Duel.

Mathijs: The first tour after I joined the band was the one with Mondo Generator and he arranged the one with the Freeks, featuring Ruben Romano of Nebula and Fu Manchu. So we were already in contact and at some point we just called him.

Mo: Yeah, that was for the previous record, but for that one we ended up at Argonauta. Now we all just said, let's just do it.

Mathijs: It's really cool to be part of a roster like that, to be part of such a stoner family. Gabriele, one of the two people running HPS, also plays in Black Rainbows and to see how involved in the scene he is and what he does for the scene, to be a part of that is just amazing. We already had the connection through the stages we shared and the tours he arranged for us and this is just the next step. It's not the most logical step, but try and find a label where we perfectly fit in with our distinctive sound.

Mo: When we write music, we don't try to fit in the stoner, the metal, or whatever group. We just make the music we like. We don't have any rules from ourselves, telling us what we can and can't do.

Mathijs: In the end we just make the music the four band members like to make.

Photo by Patrick Spruytenburg

About that, what are your main influences?

Mo: The Melvins is a favorite of mine, especially their quirkiness. Of course there's a lot of stoner bands, but my roots are within 80's hardcore punk music. Due to the whole COVID thing I started collecting records again. I bought a new record player and now I'm searching Discogs for vinyl of records I used to love and used to have on cassette.

Mathijs: I think that I'm the biggest metalhead in the band. You [Mo] are the punk rocker, Martijn is the new-waver, even though he's also into old school hip-hop, and Jos [Roosen, drums]is a Tool fan and he used to play in Dreadlock Pussy. He and I went to the 25th anniversary show of Machine Head's 'Burn My Eyes' together. He's into that as well. He's also really into metal, but also bands like Helmet. I have quite a broad taste. I'm really into Cannibal Corpse, but I also like the Melvins. I actually met Mo at a Melvins show and a week later I got a call on whether I would like to join his band. The Black Sabbath influence is also clearly present on Rose of Jericho. That first riff is basically a Sabbath riff.

Mo: Sabbath is the mother of all metal bands. I saw Blue Cheer live at Roadburn once. It's slightly different, but from the same period, I think. Absolutely brilliant. They did an interview for the Top-2000 once, where they were still living in a house together, blowing and making music.

Mathijs: I also really like those genre-crossing bands, like High on Fire. They're metal, but also have stoner elements, together with some psych and some rock.

Mo: When I used to play in punk bands, there were set rules, but now I can do whatever I like.

Last question, did you guys discover any new music you're really into?

Mo: Absolutely, they've been around for a while already, but I recently discovered Helms Alee. They're a man and two women and they all sing. When they sing together it's just amazing. Mathijs also got me into Made Out of Babies, featuring Julie Christmas. I'm usually not a fan of female singers, but this is something else.

Mathijs: Yeah, I showed you the record she did with Cult of Luna. That's such an amazing record. Recently I've been listening a lot to a Finnish band called Oranssi Pazuzu, especially their latest record 'Mestarin kynsi'. There are so many different elements in there, it's really cool.

Mo: Recently I bought two Floor records. They've got three records, one that sounds like shit and two that are amazing. I got those on vinyl.

Mathijs: I'm also looking forward to the new Mastodon record. They made a record with the guy who produced the best Tool records and they say it will be far more sludgey, slow and doomy than their previous works.

The curfew is rapidly approaching, so I think it's time to wrap up. Thank you for this interview.

Mo: Thank you and see you later. Maybe later tonight in prison if we don't hurry up.

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#D&S Interviews #Komatsu #The Netherlands #stoner rock #space metal #hard rock #Heavy Psych Sounds #Willem Verhappen #Doomed and Stoned

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ashen-sky · 3 years

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15x20

I rarely cry, especially over shows or books. Supernatural is I think one of a handful of shows that have made me cry. Bobby's death, and his memory of the boys was the first time, and tonight's episode.

I sobbed, during Dean's death and Sam's life.

Now on to the review:

1. The end- Let's start with the end, shall we? I've seen PLENTY of angry and hateful comments. People saying this episode was horrible, and shameful, and Dean deserved better, and Cas deserved better and what not. But I think this was a beautiful episode, and a perfect end. Because without Chuck, no one writes a big battle for the boys and there prone to accidents with no plot armour. Dean got the death he was always "supposed" to have, on the job, and Sam got the ending he was always "supposed" to have, a happy ending.

1.5. Extra- So, Sam's wife was left ambiguous but I'm guessing it's heavily implied it's Eileen. From the distance it looks like her, and while there were other ways to say who it was without the actress being there, I think it's purposely ambiguous. That way there wouldn't be "He shouldn't have ended up with Eileen" comments.

2. Music- Lovely covers of Carry on Wayward son, I loved the last one. 11/10 would listen again.

3. Heaven- I love that Jack went and "fixed" heaven, and I love that Cas helped him. I'm guessing Cas is more like what Michael was to god, sort of an advisor or right hand. Because Jack is still inexperienced in... everything, and Cas can't hold the power to be god.

4. Notes- Dean kept Miracle!!!! And the pie festival was adorable!!! Not to mention the whole opening sequence.

5. The end?- See... they've said they would like to do a movie or something. But- it was kind of a solid end. I mean, I'd love to see a Supernatural movie as much as the next person, but how? I'm sure the could figure it out though.

6. Changes- I remember hearing somewhere that they had to cahnge some things due to Covid. I'd like to hear what those changes were, just because I'm curious. Maybe they can realise a special feature on it, or make an anniversary version of the episode? I'm holding out for a collector's edition 15 season set for the 20th anniversary.

Overall, I loved the episode. It was a very satisfying end, and I can see why people didn't like it, but there are nicer ways to say it. You don't have to be a dick just because your ship didn't go canon, or Dean's death was a little plain.

THE ACTORS WERE HAPPY WITH IT! And that's a huge part. These people spent 15 years on this show, so as long as they're happy, that's gotta count for something.

So quickly, even though they'll probably never see this, thank you. Thank you Jared, Jensen, Misha, and Alex for an amazing found family in TFW2.0. Thank you Rob, Emily, Jake, Mark, and Rich for playing such iconic ethereal and benevolent beings. Thank you Kim and Jim for playing amazing "stand in parents" for Sam and Dean. Thank you to all the wayward sisters, the road house, our loveable Demons and Angles. Thank you to the crew for taking care of all the things that we don't even realize go into it. I know I most definitely missed people. But to everyone involved in this 15 year run, thank you for bringing us such a memorable show.

As always, I'd love to hear your thoughts and opinions. Just keep it polite.

P.s seriously I cried more watching this, than I did reading Twist and Shout, rewatching this show will be fun.

#supernatural spoilers #supernatural fandom #supernatural #anime devil's thoughts #Supernatural 15x20 #sam winchester #dean winchester

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theageofsims · 4 years

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The Age of Sims 1.5 - Part 50 - “I Mean It”

“Hey Noah, it’s William… you at work?”

“William!” He was delighted to hear from his best friend. “Sort of, but not my usual bit. I had to attend a seminar today at one of the casinos. We had to break for lunch so I am just on my way to the men’s room, excuse me… excuse me… Sorry. This place is so crowded. Is everything alright?”

“Can you hear me?”

“Yes, of course. Loud and clear!”

“Good…” He growled before unleashing over the phone. “Keep that goddamned woman away from me and my house!”

“What woman?”

“You know who! The one you couldn’t stop filling in about me. How much did you tell her? I was sure she was going to find her way through the front door. I don’t want her in my house or my life, Noah. Do you understand? I won’t tell you again.”

“For heaven’s sake, I didn’t tell her to come on to you this strongly, but the heart wants what it wants–”

“Noah!”

“She probably just has an innocent crush on you. What’s the harm?” He could hear William breathing through the phone. It was so loud, he stopped from making his way to the men’s room to go off into the corner of the hallway to speak. “Alright William… there’s no need to get this upset. I didn’t tell her to go to your house. I didn’t even tell her where you live.”

“Britney must have.”

“Well I… I mean really William… when I’m in town I told Britney that I stay with a friend. She’s known for a couple of years now.”

“I just moved!” William sighed heavily.

“Correct, but… I stayed with you while I was there last time aside from the night of the dinner when I didn’t come home. Listen, I’ll tell Britney about it… maybe she can steer Lana away from you.” He waited a moment, then asked. “… have you gotten back together with that girl–”

“She better not come back here again. I mean it Noah.”

“Alright. Alright… take it easy.”

William jammed his finger into the screen to close the call. “Asshole.”

#simblr #sims 4 #sims 4 story #the age of sims #the age of sims 1.5 part 50

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hey-im-trash-and-better-than-you · 5 years

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advice for new high-school freshmen!

just some stuff I learned since school is starting soon

1. Take advantage of opportunities!!: I had the opportunity to take an AP class freshman year and I’m so glad I did because it helps you get an idea of what the workload is like and you’ll be able to see if you can handle it before you take like a whole schedule full next year and then find out a few weeks in that you’re miserable. If you wanna take online classes for some required classes that you don’t want to take up schedule space with, go for it!

2. YOU DON’T NEED TO DATE!!!: you really don’t. if you need somebody else to feel validated I suggest you go get help. if you want to date, go for it, but if you don’t, don’t feel pressured to. you have your whole life to find love, and most love you find in high school generally won’t last, as well as it being a distraction to more important things. also, don’t make out in the hallways because it’s gross and to that one couple at my school who keeps making out literally on the staircase: I hope you get mononucleosis (but not really but actually stop)

3. If you guys have homecoming or other school dances, don’t be afraid to go alone!: or at least don’t be afraid to go without a date! I went by myself and ended up hanging out with my friends there and I had probably a much better time than my other friends who just had to stay with their date.

4. don't vape. DONT VAPE. D O N T V A P E. DO NOT VAPE!!!: don't vape, don’t Juul, don’t whatever the hell else, don't pass go, do not collect 200 dollars. trust me, you don’t look cool, you honestly look like an asshole, you smell like an artificial fruit factory threw up on you (which does not smell good), and if you get caught you can get in seriously deep shit. It’s also so bad for your health! don't take “healthier than a cigarette” as “this is healthy” It still has nicotine in it which can mess you up. like just because thin crust pizza is probably healthier than a deep-dish pizza, it doesn't mean it’s healthy! same goes with vaping. It’s something for people already addicted to nicotine, and as a freshman, in high school, I hope you are not addicted to nicotine.

5. SLEEP!: don’t even bother pulling all-nighters to study, because you’ll be tired the entire day, and if you don’t sleep, your brain doesn’t have time to process all that info, meaning you’ll literally forget it all by the time you get to the test. I had friends who stayed awake for days straight studying and then ended up getting some of the lowest grades I’ve ever seen. I do agree I’ve pulled all-nighters, but I’ve never felt good afterward and I’ve only done it in really dire situations (like finishing a project that was 20 percent of my exam grade)

6. EAT!: at LEAST twice a day. preferably one of those should be breakfast, but if you can’t get that in, try to eat lunch and dinner. it doesn’t have to be anything huge (i tend to eat small breakfasts (if I eat it at all) and dinners and eat a large lunch) cuz if you don’t you’ll get headaches and you’ll be distracted because you’ll be too focused on the fact that you’re hungry

7. Join a club!: or do a heavily group-oriented class. Band, Orchestra, Choir, Theatre, Debate, whatever. It’s a really good way to meet people. in my orchestra this year I made so many friends that I wouldn't have met otherwise (not to mention they can look really good during college applications a few years down the road)

8. Don’t be an asshole to your teachers. They can control your grade and your experience in their class. don’t get on their bad side. And in the end, if you fail because you weren’t listening or you kept talking in class, don’t blame it on your teachers, because they tried. and in the end, when you realize you’re going to fail, don’t go sucking up to your teachers hoping they’ll help. I was one of 3 people in my algebra class of 23 students who passed the class because we were the only three students who made an effort.

9. I know everyone says to be yourself which you should do, but realize some hobbies have a time and a place. If you’re a furry that's cool whatever but please don’t be that weird guy in my lunch period who kept trying to tell me how much he wanted to fuck Kass from Legend of Zelda. like ok man, whatever you’re into but I'm tryna eat my nachos k.

10. start figuring out a vague idea of what you want to do in the future: you don’t need to decide exactly where you wanna work, where you want to go to college (or if you even want to go to college), what you wanna do, etc. but having an idea will make it easier to plan out your elective classes later on in your high school career.

11. If you do want to go to college, start researching! I don’t care if people tell me I started researching too early, because, in senior year when everyone is stressing out, I’ll already have everything together. Start applying to scholarships! if you happen to be near a college you may be interested in, go take a tour! it’s never too early.

12. Start caring about your grades. seriously. these are the scores colleges will be looking at in the applications process, so sure you could slack off, but good luck getting into your dream college with a 1.5 GPA. Set goals for yourself! for example, the university I want to go to has an honors college that I want to get into and one of the eligibility requirements is that you have to have a 90 or above average, so that’s what I'm going to aim for.

13. tying back into number 8, stay on top of your assignments and participate in class! By turning in your work on time and asking questions and actually participating in class, your teachers will know that you are serious about learning and will actually try to help you when you need it. remember my sucky algebra class? I had an 89 semester average and there was no more work I could do but I really wanted a 90 average, so I just went and asked if he could bump up my grade a point so I’d have a 90, and he said yes! because I actually tried in his class.

14. You will start to have more things to do outside of school, and you will have to learn to handle them. For example, you may have a job, or you may have to go to driving school if you decide to get your drivers permit. School should be your first priority so if you can’t handle some things outside of school, don’t try to. you will get overwhelmed and it will not be good.

15. Lastly, don’t overwhelm yourself. This is just your first year of high school. It’s like the year you are expected to mess up because it’s an entirely new concept! Teachers will be more strict than they were in middle school, but this is also probably the most lenient they’ll be for the rest of your school career. Take this year to feel out the waters and ease your way into it. If you don’t start out with stellar grades it's ok! it’s way better to mess up early on and have all that time later to fix it than to mess up later and be stuck with it.

Good luck in the next 4 years of your life!

#high school #high school advice #advice for students #freshman advice #american public school

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folerdetdufoler · 5 years

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saturday morning was cloudy. the whole day was cloudy, but to start, i woke up to a sunrise that didn’t exist. so i ate breakfast and went back to sleep (if i had to define what a vacation was, it would have to include that activity: going back to sleep). then i went to meet nadège, jenn, and haidee at their flat.

i’ve always stayed in a hotel when i’ve visited, specifically the hotel. part of it is because i know how the hotel works, and i heavily weight the value of the familiar. it also was part of the rewards program with sas. it isn’t anymore, and i think they’re going to be doing construction next year, so i’m starting to consider different options for stays for my next trip. i’ll probably stick to a hotel because i heavily weight the existence of room service too, but now it doesn’t have to be the radisson blu. i’ve ridden that elevator enough times.

but uh, the point of this consideration is because they were staying in a really nice flat, which was like an extended stay suite but through airbnb. i was super anxious about using airbnb last summer because it was someone’s home, but this flat was not that, which was appealing to me. i would have to pack much less if i were to go the walk-up route though. um, so i met them there and we walked to get kabobs. jenn had to catch a flight that afternoon but she hadn’t gotten her kabob fix yet, so it was a necessary spot. we met jenni’s group there and then walked down to the river for a moment to eat and chat. nadège and i kept walking along the river since we weren’t eating, and we had a chance to talk through some of the stuff that was bothering me from the day before.

it was really helpful to have that chance, both to let me express myself as well as hear her perspective. most of the time, even though i’m constantly keeping up with people on my dashboard, i’m still very much in my own head about it all. i’m not using a soundboard, just letting my own opinion boil up until it causes problems, spilling negativity into other people’s lives. this has been happening more often, probably because i’m talking to fewer and fewer people as the fandom shrinks and i get more stubborn, so i really appreciated this chance to both be very much in the fandom (in oslo, with human beings) as well as take a step back from it. i still need to work on how i balance my sense of self that i get from the internet with how i express myself in person, and it seems like that just means i need to take a walk and talk to someone. like, every day.

anyway, that’s what we did, going down to the dick swan and back, visiting the barely-canon tree and syng. when we got back to the girls we figured out where we were going next, and we broke up for the afternoon.

a couple of days ago jasmine and silvia had mentioned the nrk studio tour as a thing to do, and i impulse bought (is there any other way?) a ticket for saturday. nadège and haidee were interested in going, so we decided to press our luck and head over to the office to see if we could squeeze two more people onto the tour (it was listed as sold out for saturday when they checked). taru gave us helpful tips for getting to the office but between my struggle with google maps and the front door, we were still too late. the guide was nice enough to come to the front and answer some questions though, so we just went back to the website and bought tickets for sunday instead.

by then the clouds were releasing a week’s worth of weather, and we were all the way out in marienlyst with a couple of hours to kill. so we went through our lists of things we wanted to see, if there were any sites left that hadn’t been toured even though we’ve all been to oslo a few times at this point. and there were! we were actually kind of close to the university campus where parts of “all stories are echoes” are set, so nadège wanted to find an important statue from the fic. she and haidee had read it, and while we walked to campus they did a recap for me, so i would understand the significance of the statue.

at that point it was raining heavily and we were lost but i didn’t really mind it because we were just walking and talking. there was a general goal that we were trying to achieve, but it felt very relaxed, and it was fun listening to all of the things that really excited them about the stories they read. after all this time i don’t think i ever did that, like really find out what attracted them to this fandom, so it was a fun and enlightening conversation. it also passed the time well, as we were walking through the campus and then trying to find a bus back to sentrum.

oh wait, not sentrum. next we looked up kjærlighetskarusellen, because that post about it from the header had recently circulated, and it was another canon detail that sort of defined these trips that we take. we come to oslo because we are fans of a show that is set here, and we love it so much that we seek out every little detail in appreciation. that love has grown to encompass the whole city, so we were looking for this show detail as well as monument to the city’s history and its relationship with homosexuality. we lingered outside of it for a bit, because there was a man actually using it as a urinal, and then we snapped our photos once the coast was clear. now i am no stranger to being creepy but that was probably a top five moment for me, taking a picture of a public urinal. i loudly talked about how it was a cultural heritage site as if that would convince random people passing by that i was truly interested in the city’s sanitation efforts instead of, like, men peeing. for the record i’m not particularly interested in either.

then we went back to the flat for a bathroom break, and on to eat waffles. oh boy! i was excited because i had never had one before. i was still shy in terms of trying one, and chose the nugatti topping instead of the jam & brown cheese classic (pictured is haidee’s waffle). mine was super sweet and...gummy? like the hazelnut paste and the soft waffle was just cement in my mouth, and i got a work out just trying to clean off my teeth with my tongue. but it was delicious. i’d probably eat one every day if i had daily access to haralds.

after our waffle we went to meet jasmine and silvia. we shared a pizza for a late lunch/early dinner, and then went back to the hotel so i could change out of my wet clothes. we recapped each other’s dramas and activities from earlier in the day, and talked about fandom and the internet and how people change, if they do. at this point we’ve known each other for at least a year, if not longer, and it’s interesting to see how we, and the rest of the fandom, have evolved as the show has faded into the distance.

some of the stuff we talked about got intense, or we got wrapped up in drama (what else is new), and we had to take a break by watching the bloopers. that was an instant mood lift, and fun to do with people in the same room. everything was a little bit funnier or cuter or sillier when i could hear everyone else laughing at the show too. someday i’d love to rent out a cinema theatre and project season three for a marathon viewing (with bathroom breaks) for a group of fans. maybe for a seven-year anniversary, when you could time it so it would play on a friday evening, and at exactly 21:21 in real time you’d watch isak walk across the courtyard at school to save the man of his dreams.

but back to saturday. it wasn’t raining, but we took the metro to the park next (baby’s first metro trip!). we were going to meet jenni, taru, and kati, and figure out a good place for jasmine and silvia to hang out outside to listen to karpe. we said our goodbyes at the gate and shifted to the other friend group. i think we were kind of early but there was already a decent crowd going in, and going right for the main stage. i don’t think we bothered with food or drink this time around, mostly because we’d just eaten and it was starting to drizzle, which meant everything would get wet anyway.

jenn mentioned a few times that it was a shame there wasn’t any festival merch to purchase while we were walking around, because we kept seeing all of the volunteers with their t-shirts and bags from previous years. it felt like a missed opportunity. i wondered if it was on purpose, to give more weight to the merch that the volunteers got, as a draw for them to sign up and return to work. limited merch would make that experience more special. but i was wrong, because after jenn had left we finally found out that there was a merch tent with apparel for sale; we just hadn’t found it. so before we joined the crowd for karpe we went up the hill and bought tote bags and socks. i’ll deliver jenn’s tote to her on friday, at the sigrid show. i’m mostly mentioning that here so i don’t forget. i was so excited to find socks because i’m getting used to wearing more funky options (mostly due to haidee’s lovely gifts!) but also because they were um, featured on the festival issue of natt & dag.

we moved closer to the stage, but it was actually the farthest we’d been from it the whole week, simply because the crowd was already packed in. while we waited ronny from nrk p3 walked past, and that was my only celebrity sighting at the whole festival. on thursday i thought i saw axel bøyum walk in front of me, but i’m not sure. it was fast, and i thought i noticed his sharply-angled face and deep eyes, but he was also wearing a hood so i didn’t have much else to compare. he was short though, which also made him stand out to me. anyway, that was the extent of my sightings: 1.5 people. there were others there, of course, because i saw their instagram posts, but i either wasn’t paying attention or wasn’t in the right places to see them. since i myself prefer not to be seen, i tend to treat everyone else the same (at least not on the internet), so i default to ignoring the people around me unless they acknowledge me first. i need your explicit consent before i let myself stare at you.

here’s a brief pause to note how sad i am about heimebane. aaaaaand moving on!

the karpe crowd was huge and...different. saturday had a different vibe in general because it was the weekend, and if someone was going to just pick one day to go to øya this would be that day. also it was raining, so there was this anticipatory buzz that was like, 80% for the show and 20% for getting dry again in a couple of hours. our group kind of slowly shifted and morphed as we were pushed closer to the stage and trying not to lose our footing on the sloped ground. but then the show started and the crowd exploded and you just had to fuckin’ roll with it.

i had to read up on the show afterward to understand some of what magdi and chirag were talking and singing about. despite talking about it with fryd months ago, i didn’t get into their new album like i’d wanted to. so i didn’t understand most of the message in the moment; i was just enjoying the beats and the intensity of everyone else. there was a group of younger guys in front of us who sang every damn word and it was just a really...fulfilling thing to witness? norway came out for norway, and the crowd was exactly what karpe deserved for the show they put on. the guys chatted with nadège and sang at me to get us hyped, and i still felt slightly removed from the crowd but that was okay. i enjoyed this outsider place. i didn’t have to understand or be part of it because it was big enough on its own. i could simply bask in the overflow and dance in the rain.

i knew one song from when i had it on repeat summer 2017, the result of following ashley’s obsession with karpe on tumblr. i also still connected it to skam, from when i was more passionately following the actors’ lives and seeing them go to their concert in oslo, which i think cengiz was also dancing for? these are very weak links but links nonetheless, and it still felt like i was ticking off boxes on my unwritten “experience skam” list. it’s also a testament to how far i’ll twist something to justify it, make it fit my personal narrative. i must still feel guilty about my trips to oslo.

(side note: i’ve been meaning to look this up but i am fascinated by their use of the sas brand in their album and shows, like...they are aggressively shaping the brand and i’m curious as to whether they have permission to do it or if they don’t need it or what level of control the brand has over its use. the relationship between a brand and an artist these days is fucking fascinating, and i’m sort of aware of the rules that we need in america but is it different in other countries? i’m already a fan of sas, in that it’s my airline for my trips to oslo, but would i have been influenced more toward or against it if i were approaching it from a karpe angle, if the duo were introducing me to it? anyway, just some mind wanderings there.)

at the end the crowd was lighting up their cups again. we were surrounded by different people than how we started and couldn’t find the ones we knew. we made the same walk away from the stage, bouncing along with the flow, until we got to the festival sign to catch up with everyone. we took a group pic and said goodnight, not entirely sure what the next day would bring but quite satisfied with the one that had just ended. it was funny how used to the exit walk i’d become, after just a few days, and i felt a little nostalgic about even that, as we did it for the last time. and even though we were all soaked and exhausted, i didn’t feel a particular rush to leave. but it was over. just like that. the volunteers were collecting cups from the crowd as we went, but i took mine home.

#this took way too long to write and now i’m so behind it doesn’t matter anymore #i’ve queued it for a random dag in october #who knows if i’ll be back or still on lockdown #kerryinoslo

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apocalyvse · 5 years

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11/11/11

I was tagged by @water-writings <3

1. Do you write fanfictions or original stories and did you ever write fanfiction?

I write (and always have written) both; I actually started writing fanfiction when I was like 10 years old, before I even knew what fanfiction was, and then later discovered that it was a whole thing. For quite a few years now fanfic has been my main thing, but I’ve got a few original things that I’m knuckling down on this year and really enjoying, so we’ll see.

2. Did you ever write your stories in the middle of class instead of paying attention?

Not in the middle of class really, but I did write like half a harry potter au fic sort of thing based off of some rp characters at the end of my year 11/12 exams. The exams were like 3 hours long each, and like, I’m not smart but I am pretty quick at theory stuff so I’d have 1.5-2 hours per exam to fill, and I would never use the note paper for notes. So I’d fold my note paper into 8ths and write reeeeeally really small and fill it all up during my extra exam time. (I still have the sheets of paper if anyone wants to see xD)

3. How many notebooks do you have filled with your writing?

Since somewhere in 2015, I have filled 25 notebooks; not including anything I wrote straight out on a computer, on my phone, on random pieces of paper, or in other notebooks that aren’t included in my numbering system, which I have lmao.

4. What’s your favorite way to write? Notebook, Word Doc, Google Docs?

By hand in notebooks. I used to write in a word doc, and I still use word to type up into and edit it, but I find writing by hand really pushes my word counts up, and forces me to do an initial edit when I type it up, especially with fanfic because I don’t draft fanfic.

5. Do you write by yourself or do you need people writing with you?

I’ve always written alone - most of my friends don’t even know that I write, or don’t write anymore themselves, so it’s just me and myself over here. I was in a writing club at school for a while, and we tried to do a couple projects together, but the group got off course way too easily and nothing really got done, so I prefer to be alone with something I’m really passionate about finishing.

6. Have you ever cowritten with someone?

When I was liiiiiike 12, my friend and I co-wrote a lot of Avatar: The Last Airbender fanfic lmao, which to this day is one of my favourite writing memories. And I co-wrote an entire 50k ‘novel’ with my friend during middle school, which was actually pretty good fun - we traded off chapters and worked together on plot and worldbuilding and actually finished the whole thing. It was horrible (I can’t look at it anymore it’s so cringey), but a good experience to have. I’ve co-written with a few friends online too, with mixed results - nothing that’s ever really gone anywhere though.

7. Who do you bounce ideas off of?

No one lmao. I just throw them into the story and see if they work.

8. Have you ever taken an experience from your life and written it into a story?

Definitely! The most obvious example would probably be the series of short stories I’ve written and posted on this horse racing game I play, Flying For Home, which are sometimes drawn directly from stuff that happens around my workplace in real life, seeing as I work with racehorses in a big stable (the premise of the short stories lmao).

Another example I can think of is, funnily enough, my other horse-related project; a novel called Vertigo, for which I have drawn on a lot of my own personal history and people that I’ve met in my life and thrown it into the mixing pot. It’s a bit of a personal daydream tbh xD Other than those, there’s a little bit of myself in everything I write, I think, though it’s hard to pick out sometimes.

9. Favorite type of music to listen to while you write.

I usually don’t let myself listen to music when I write, but if I do, it’ll be the playlist I inevitably have for the story, turned down very quiet so that it fades into the background - usually just pop and alternative/indie sort of stuff.

10. Have you ever had anyone give you “advice” that hurt you and prevented you from writing for a while?

I don’t think I’ve ever had anything that stopped me from writing, and I’ve certainly never had criticism from outsiders/strangers or whatever (generally people just ignore me). But I do keep my mum at a distance from my writing, as she tends to just push and push me to ‘publish something already’ and gives off the mentality of ‘it’s not worth wasting your time on if it won’t make you money’. She uh...doesn’t know that I have published over 100k of fanfic this year. Lol. She’s only trying to be supportive, in her own way, and I appreciate it, but I just don’t mention it to her very often, because she’s never really ready to listen to my point of view on it.

11. Have you ever had fans of your writing pester to write a certain way?

I don’t have fans xD

And from @starsandstormyseas because you asked good questions and I Want To...

1. Have you ever had an idea that sounded really great in your head, but when you started writing it, came out terrible for whatever reason?

Yesssss, Flicker has gone through 9 versions in 2 years because every time I start it, it just goes very quickly in directions that I don’t want it to and it never feels right. This version I’m working on now is the first time I’ve really liked all the ways I could go with it so hopefully we’re past book 2 blues and back on track.

2. What’s your favorite part in writing a story? The relationships (or shipping), the plot, the worldbuilding, something else?

The like, ‘main’ scenes, the big hitters. The culmination of all the middle bits into that one main plot point. And relationships too, though not romantic persay - I just really enjoy the scenes where two characters will bounce off of each other for like 7 pages of dialogue, whether its enemies, or friends, or romantic.

3. And weird habits you do when writing, or to keep yourself writing?

I write by hand mostly, and I have my own system to mark as I’m going sentences I don’t like, or words that don’t really fit but I couldn’t think of the right one, or facts I’ve made up on the fly that need to be googled. If I just mark down stuff that I want to change later as I go, I find that I set myself free in a way, and I can just move on without getting stuck on a google spiral (also I don’t forget to fix my plot holes later).

4. Do you keep the internet on or off when you write?

On, though it’s very distracting when I’m trying to write straight on my laptop lmao

5. What books, authors, fics, or any media, have heavily influenced your writing style?

I spent a lot of my childhood reading Enid Blyton and authors like her; older books, mostly my mum’s books from when she was a child, and things from my hometown’s very, very outdated library. So they had a huge impact on the way I learnt to write (they also had an impact on the way I talk too, but that’s another story). More recently, the whole tone and way that fanfic in general is written has really influenced me, and I’d like to think I’ve adopted it and made it my own in a good way.

6. What time is the best time to write? Day, night? Morning, evening?

Evening/night; some days, I cannot focus until like 8pm when I go to bed. And then I lose sleep because I’m writing but y’know. For editing/typing up, that’s a late afternoon kind of job.

7. Is there anyone IRL that you let read your work?

I have a group of friends that I’ve known for 8 years now that are allowed to read my work. We used to rp together and all used to write and so we all know how bad we were back in the day xD. One girl from that group has been my friend since kindergarten, so she has always had me shoving handfuls of words in her face. There’s been a few other friends that have read some of my stuff, but not all of it, and the older I get, the less I share.

8. How do you handle negative or unhelpful reviews or critique? Does it impact the way you write?

I’ve never had any negative response, so I don’t know. The silence when you’re 4 chapters deep and no one has reviewed is deafening though.

9. Do you respond to every comment/reply you get? If not, which ones get your attention and why?

I only respond to the long/sincere ones, because I feel like they deserve some encouragement in return for taking the time to really let me know what they thought.

10. Ever gotten weird, unsolicited messages asking to join an RP group or some such because this person apparently read your writing (but probably didn’t)?

Hah. Once or twice.

11. What is your favorite platform to post your writing, talk about writing, or anything like that?

My favourite place to post and to read by far is AO3 - but I find the best platform to get feedback on is FF.net. My favourite place to talk about writing is over here on tumblr.

MY QUESTIONS

How do you get yourself to focus on writing?

What’s your favourite thing you’ve ever written?

Tell me about your current WIP.

Do you write for yourself or for an audience?

Do you share your writing with anyone you know in real life?

What’s the nicest comment/review you’ve ever gotten?

What platform do you prefer to post your work on?

Do you plot or pants?

What have you learnt while writing your stories?

Do you remember the first story you ever wrote?

Can you give a spoiler for your WIP?

Tagging (from writer peeps) @converginglives, @pen-in-hand (if you want another one I think mel got you xD), @aethryos, @paper-shield-and-wooden-sword, @siriusguided, @insertpenname-here, @indecentpause, @writing-at-dusk @sillyliterature @anoddconstellationofthoughts @writingtomorrow

#if you join ffh #the referral number is 24 #;)#tag game #nah for real though this was fun

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babylouwho · 5 years

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Todays day 5

of being sober. I've honestly been drinking heavily every night since 2015. Over the past 4 years there might be a month or so that I didn't. Anyways I just need a place to vent/share what's going on because I have kept how bad it was a secret and I'm trying to heal in private as well. No one I know follows me here anyways. Here goes.

DAY 1: Severe mental breakdown, suicidal thoughts, lots of tears. I don't think that had too much to do with not drinking as it did how I felt the night before when I got drunk and in my feelings. Slept for a total of 16 hours. No food. Little bit of water. Lots of headache meds.

DAY 2: Tried to eat some grits for breakfast. Felt very nauseated. Laid back down, slept a total of 12 hours. Went to the hospital to spend the night with my mom. Tried to eat some chicken nuggets. Awful headache. (I blame laying in that stupid chair all night) Times I wanted a drink: 1. Times I wanted a cig: 1

DAY 3: 2 hours of sleep. 3-5 am. Highly irritable. Like don't even breathe too loud. My blood is constantly boiling and I cant decide if it's from withdrawls or lack of sleep. Even though I slept a shit ton the last two days. My hands are shaking so bad its embarrassing. I cant focus on anything, cant keep my train of thought. Finally I assume it's from lack of food. Try to eat a sandwich. But of course it's always something and my wisdom teeth are acting up/ infected so its torture / nearly impossible. The rest of the day SO FREAKING IRRITATED. Everyone who opens their mouth my brains like STFU. I try to lay down and get more sleep thinking that's the problem. I finally dose off. In and out of sleep from 4 to 7:30. Better than nothing. I get to go home for the night because at this point my face is swollen and someone else is there to stay with her. Thank God.

I go home make a bowl of soup because I'm starving yet can barely open my mouth. I lay down at 10. So tired, cant sleep. Times I wanted a drink: 0. Times I wanted a cig: 5

DAY 4: Guess who never fell asleep last nightttttt.🙃 Tried so hard. Screw it. 7 am got up got some OJ and watched and episode of Lucifer. I'm in a great mood. My teeth arent hurting that bad. (Probably because I didn't sleep and didn't grind them) 8 am I get up, take out my Pupper and make some breakfast/ clean the kitchen in the process. Despite being in a great mood my mind isnt feeling very well. I'm extremely jumpy/ paranoid. Listening to music I'm jumping to every random sound thrown into the song. I swear I keep seeing things every now and then scaring the shit out of me. No bueno. Do not like. But have to keep going. Have to get better. After breakfast I do some laundry, clean my room (which anyone who has depressive episodes knows it damn well needed it bad), litter box, clean bathroom, and then made lunch. Only thing left on my todo list for today is bathe my doggo and go visit my mom. Well, I sat and ate lunch and watched an episode of Lucifer. Well I tried to eat but of course here come my teeth problem again. Pain is terrible, starting to get a head ache. Took some meds and laid down. Set alarm for a 1.5 hour nap. Woke up still dying, grabbed an ice pack laid back down. Dad thankfully shows up with orajel and tells me to just stay home today. So I fell back asleep and here I am. Total hours slept: 14. Times I wanted a drink: 3. Times I wanted a cig: 0.

Heres to Day 5. I've already made my todo list.

#soberiety #journey #journal #alcohol #soberliving

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why-this-kolaveri-machi · 5 years

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Grand Titans Rewatch: 1.01

so! i only really got into the show around the 6th episode, which means that while i was intrigued by the first five, i didn’t really pay a lot of close attention the first time ‘round. so i’m going to try and rewatch the entire series over the next several weeks and bring you Thoughts, because um. well. I Will Have Them.

SPOILERS for pretty much the entire series, though i will be covering only the pilot episode in this post. let’s see how this goes.

1. i’m just such a sucker for eerie dreamscapes, so i’m definitely biased when i say that this is a promising start. what’s really intriguing, though, is rachel dreaming of dick’s past well before she’d met the guy. after eleven episodes, the extent and even the very nature of rachel’s powers is still nebulous; this ability to dream about people she hasn’t even met only comes up this once, as far as i remember. (again, my initial viewing was superficial, so i might’ve missed it coming up/referenced again.)

1.5. a doylist explanation for this? hint at a special relationship between rachel and dick right off the bat, set the tone for the rest of the series, establish a character-development-by-dreamscape precedent, give us a gander at the origin story of the most iconic character in the ensemble, and set the broader arc of the season—an acceptance of and an ascent out of inner darkness—in motion with these two characters.

an in-universe search for an answer is potentially more interesting, however: why should these two be connected? i like to think that trigon’s influence started here, pushing rachel further and further down the path that would lead her to free him. i mean, handwaving aside the comic-booky implausibility of trigon foreseeing the exact pattern of random events that would lead to the moment rachel pulling him out of the mirror in 1.10 (he’s an interdimensional being! i don’t know! *flails hands*), i like the symbolism of it: both batman and trigon as phantom fathers that rachel and dick run away from, only to be pushed together. this is not to imply any broader equivalency between trigon and bruce wayne, of course; but it goes some way in explaining why this dick is especially traumatised and brutal, and why it would’ve had to be an especially traumatised and brutal bruce wayne that taught him everything he knows.

1.6. HAH at the ‘flying’ in the ‘flying graysons’ sign fizzling out just before the rope snaps, tho! so corny but also so upsetting.

(‘so corny but so upsetting’ – a valid tagline for titans)

1.8. oh but the set-up around rachel is so intriguing, tho! this is both the greatest strength and the greatest pitfall of the show: each of its characters can occupy a genre show of their own; because the first three episodes focus so heavily on rachel, it seems like the tone of the show changes when the titans finally get together, and like a lot of interesting, painstakingly slow set-up for rachel is just dropped and wasted.

2. the first glimpse we get of dick grayson is in the rearview mirror of his car. FUCK. i’m going to start a count.

MIRRORS, MIRRORS EVERYWHERE: 1

Ok. things i love about this little two minute introduction to dick grayson:

a) look at this broody asshole. i love him so much.

b) right away we have this push-pull re: his robin identity. he hates it, resents it, but can’t quite let it go. his officer grayson persona isn’t enough for all the evil in the world, even if it means losing control and falling farther and farther down a spiral of self-loathing.

c) he’s so damn mired in crime and tragedy, tho: officer grayson by day, vigilante robin by night. MAKE A FRIEND, DICK. GET A BEER, DICK.

(so true to character, tho: a suffering dick grayson is usually a determinedly self-isolated dick grayson.)

d) AMY ROHRBACH! i refuse to believe they’d just unceremoniously kill off such an iconic character. i fully expect to see her in s2.

e) “you do your thing. i’ll do mine.” a poorly functioning dick grayson picking up unhealthy coping cues from his mentor.

f) i love how implicit it is that gotham is a carnival of unending horror among the officers in the precinct, and probably every other city in america.

3. the clawmarks on rachel’s mother, tho! fuck, i wish they’d carried over more of this eeriness in the second half of the season. oh, and also:

MIRRORS, MIRRORS EVERYWHERE: 2

i realise why we had to get a move on with the plot, but i can’t help but wonder if we could’ve gotten an even slower build-up to rachel’s powers, because honestly? i know you’re lying, i always know when you’re lying, and the vicious slut! in the school bus window? actually more unsettling than watching rachel liquefy some baddie from the inside.

(tho. um. don’t get me wrong. that’s plenty disturbing, too.)

4. conflicted!brooding!vigilante!dick, here to chase away the images of dead women splayed over living room floors with bullet holes in their heads.

4.5. the fight scene was brutal, sure—but to be fair, most of batman/robin’s fights teeter on the fine line between causing enough damage to keep the bad guys down for a bit and outright brutality. it’s difficult to bring that to life on screen (in a series that touts to inject grittiness/realism into proceedings, no less) and portray a robin who’s definitely crossing some lines without going into some real brutal territory.

4.6. so far i’m loving how economical the storytelling is when it comes to dick—how quickly it’s established, then underscored, how being robin is so important to him and the last thing he wants. his curdling resentment at the thugs immediately looking for batman the moment they see him, and his inability to move on from being the other half of batman-and-robin. he feels compelled to play both parts at once when he’s fighting, and he hates it. all of these things are playing out right underneath stretched-too-thin skin, jagged and awful and ugly.

4.65. and the editing and sound choices keep emphasising how this is not dick in his natural state—how, in a lot of ways, robin is not his natural state anymore.

4.8. dick, brooding in his open-plan apartment, broodily listening to vinyl records and cleaning his armour of blood, while brooding. did i mention that i love this asshole?

(i don’t know where the bruises came from, considering that it seemed like the thugs couldn’t get a single hit in during the fight.)

MIRRORS, MIRRORS EVERYWHERE: 3

4.9. a dick timeline: the zucco thing happened, what, two years ago? robin hasn’t been seen in over a year. and dick moved to detroit a month ago. hmmmm.

5. rachel’s alter-ego-self as a manifestation of her powers continues to be fascinating. as is the fact that that alternate self appears less and less as she grows more accepting of what’s inside her and learns to control her abilities.

5.25. so, what, was sally a part of the cult that wants to kidnap rachel specifically, or just a Bad Person in general?

5.5. “you got that thing for helping kids” – i love that dick has this reputation barely a month into his time in this department. like. this guy is broody and closed-off and clearly traumatised, but hey, he’s good with kids!

MIRRORS, MIRRORS EVERYWHERE: 4

5.8. “you’re the boy from the circus” is super-dramatic and all, but how did rachel recognise adult!dick when she’s only seen kid!dick in her dreams? and also, why did she dream of dick at all?

5.99. side note: officer!dick’s hair is the best. it never gets better than this for the rest of the season at least until he becomes trigon’s demon acolyte.

6. KORY!

6.5. so… did the car accident cause the amnesia? do we ever find out why exactly she couldn’t remember anything about who she is? she doesn’t look injured; just dazed.

6.6. her passport was issued in 2014—so she’s been here a while, searching, researching. or not, because it’s probably a fake-ass document. stop reading so much into this, emmram!

MIRRORS, MIRRORS EVERYWHERE: 5

6.8. her super-convenient amnesia means she’s forgotten her identity but not human language, mores or customs. i like this extra layer of… alien-ness? that this brings to her: so now she’s not only a stranger to the rest of the world, but to herself. again, so many interesting things are set-up here that the show never really follows through with for the rest of the season—imagine re-discovering kory’s identity along with her, piecemeal, rather than an impersonal infodump near the end of the season!

6.9. also given that portrayals of starfire (at least those that i’ve seen/read) make liberal use of the ‘born sexy yesterday’ trope, i rather like this take—she’s already learned everything she needs to know about assimilating into human society, and it’s a question of rediscovering that knowledge instead of having some dude patronisingly mansplain the world to her.

6.95. why did she snap that russian dude’s neck, tho. that’s just brutal. i’d forgotten about this.

7. i like to think here that when dick says i’ll find someone who can help you, he’s not just thinking of law enforcement, but also of people in the super-community—psychics, or telepaths, or somebody who has experience with both. there’s still so much about dick that’s kept in the dark for most of the season, but given the length of time he’s been with batman and the easy familiarity with which he talks about other heroes in the finale’s dreamscape, i’m going to assume that he’s more than well-connected.

7.5. but he’s shuttered himself away for so long, and robin’s return has been far from well-received. i like this little moment where he steps outside and just… lets himself be overwhelmed. just for a bit.

7.7. i like that amy says “sidekick” first instead of “partner”. on-the-nose, but i like it!

7.8. the glibness of he and i had different ideas of how to do the job is making me laugh. oh, dick.

i guess the idea of batman sours quite a lot when you’ve spent most of your life as his partner. i get that he’s projecting losing his own sense of self to a role he just isn’t cut out for onto bruce, but it’s sad anyway.

7.9. gosh i just want these two to bond. i don’t care how you do it Show but bring back amy next season, yeah?

MIRRORS, MIRRORS EVERYWHERE: 6

8. is there any particular significance to the repeated security-cam footage shots we’re getting in this episode?

(gosh, i love the cinematography so much in this scene.)

8.4. so… kory had to use some sort of russian mob and come all the way to vienna to find rachel?? why??? are we ever going to find out?

8.5. on a happier note, i love love this version of starfire’s ‘innocence’. like. she’s baffled, almost apologetic about it, but she isn’t going to take any shit about it, either. also, the music when she uses her powers for the first time, man. FUCK.

9. aaaaand there’s the liquefying-a-guy’s-insides bit. i both love and hate this show’s self-indulgence.

9.5. i gotta say, this episode makes a lot more sense on rewatch than it did the first time ‘round. i remember being so confused by evil!cult!guy, but then again, i was pretty distracted at the time. i only really picked up the show because i was so amused by the over-the-top reactions fans had to the trailer. now look at me, writing 2k+ word reviews dissecting its every moment. *shakes head*

10. *rachel stares at dick’s porsche*

“this is yours?”

“family heirloom.”

“… from the circus?”

“not the one you’re thinking.”

I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS EXCHANGE.

10.5. i love these two Dramatic Kids.

11. beast boy cameo! just to assure us all that yes, he is in this show, and that, yes, he is the Best of them all.

12. you guys, this episode is so much more fun that i remember it being. you’ve got an amnesiac interstellar super-spy in kory, a straight-up supernatural horror story in rachel, and a psychological case study whatever genre batman’s supposed to be in dick. each of them could easily fill their own show, but i love that titans wants to connect them with something more than just a team falling together just because.

#titans #meta #dick grayson #koriand'r #rachel roth #a byronic cupcake #badass strawberry truffle #a gothic cookie #grand titans rewatch 2k19

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