#thats as many tags as she'll get
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That face looks familiar but you can't put a name to her.
Her voice fills your head.
" If only I could go back. Back to the way things used to be. The world full of noise and colors "
- Call out her name
- Cover your ears and listen to the silence
#shiko speaks#audio#video#cathygalia#limbus company#project moon#catherine limbus company#argalia library of ruina#thats as many tags as she'll get#I dont want to explain to my parent to drive me into the desert just so I can take a funny picture of a cardboard cutout#I might do it in the future if its funny enough but also id have to actively like. travel far enough outta town into the desert#and far enough without cars passing by (lighting) and do it without looking weird#I could technically walk across my neighborhood to a tiny ass park but. hard to explain and also weird
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ok u know what maybe if the world isn't ready for sunrazer post that means that the world IS ready for Amoveous siblings post. This is Milo and Enho and theyre my DARLINGS and i love them SO MUCH. i have. SOOOOOOOO many thoughts abt them but after the previous post massacre i do not really feel like typing all of that xoxo love <3
#THESE DRAWINGS HAVE BEEN SITTING IN MY DRAFTS FOR MONTHS LOL#meart#original character#robot oc#ily enho ily milo my darlings my angels my loves my funny robot guys.#ive posted abt Andromeda on here b4 if u remember her Enho is her best friend !!!!!#Enhos a battle robot who doesnt want 2 fight people..#hes the oldest sibling and theres a lot resting on their shoulders!#shes supposed to be this big metal protector but U.U she just wants to hide in his room.. and make music for the internet..#him and andy have this whole arc abt like. autonomy and identity and junk#being as andy is a government experiment who was raised to be a superhero who. has not yet realized that she HATES being a superhero lol#Enho inspires her!#milo um. does his own thing. he was the second amoveous bot and he is lucky to have been built without the responsibility of a battle bot#which means hes a LOT weaker. doesnt have a million weapons and lasers and such like enho does. no one expects much of him. he HATES IT!!!!#he wants to be POWERFUL! he wants to HURT PEOPLE!! he wants to be USEFUL!!! hes ANGRY ALL THE TIME#its EXSAUSTING.#yk that tinkerbell thing thats like. cuz shes so small she can only feel one emotion at once. and its so big it consumes her entirely?#hes that. he lives entirely in extremes. everything is 100% for him#he jumps to conclusions so quick and so violently.. hes incredibly impulsive and it gets him into a lot of trouble.#hes also a total NERD!!! GOOB!!! says mlady unironically. likes bad computer games. wears a stupid tie everyday. cartoonishly schemes 24/7#enho for the record is also a pretty angry person. they just dont rlly express it. they dont express much of anything lol.#shes semiverbal on a talkative day. he can be REALLY REALLY PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE THO. THAT MF CAN BE SO PETTY. GOOFY ASS#but shes TERRIFIED she'll lose control of her emotions and her body and that shell hurt someone someday. absolutely terrified.#enho is as afraid of his strength as milo is of his weakness. theyre both two ends of the same extremes in a lot of ways.#polar opposites and yet exactly the same. they resent each other a lot. they need to learn to meet each other in the middle.#anyway ''i dont feel like typing all that'' and then i ramble in the tags for ten million years lol ToT I LOVE THESE GUYS#theyre my oldest ocs in this universe and i have so many thoughts if you have any questions feel free to ask me lol
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vent in tags. sorry.
#i need to get a therapist so i can say this all to them instead of whining to myself in the tags#but i dont have one. so.#im not a suicidal person but seeing how uncaring or hateful or indifferent everyone is#to doing the bare minimum of not playing that hogwarts game#it makes me want to kms. it feels like no one cares at all#and i know that isnt true but you know how the brain works. it only remembers and thinks about the bad stuff#or at least thats what my brain does#i cant even talk about this to my mom because she loves hp#maybe once i tell her about the shofar she'll change her mind#but. yeah!!! the fact that so many people are jumping to defend this stupid game#and make excuses just to play it#or play it because it has those anti semetic things in it#it really hurts#screw jkr screw the devs who put the anti semetic plotline in i hope they fucking die#you CANNOT deny they added more tropes to make it more anti semetic#the fucking shofar. are you KIDDING me!#and people are still planning to play it#i want to throw up#tw suicide#jic#delete later
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FINALLY finished our tarot guide geez it's 8 pages long 😭😭
#wont be able go do any readings until probaly sunday-monday but looking forwards to it 👍#we actually havent done a reading in so long im pretty sure it was before logan knew we were a system#so hoping she'll have some insight for us with system stuff#its kind of exciting getting to come back to tarot after so many years#like were so different and will talk to her about different things#so looking forwards to talking to her abt system stuff#ALSO found another tarot deck online thats so pretty that we might get#we're really picky about our decks though we only have one rn#and we arent planning on getting another one soon#but we did come across one we really vibe with#confluence.txt#the confluence does cartomancy#<- new tag for tarot related stuff lol!
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Me: *sees a certain 'Catherine' trend*
ME: Anyway, *gives Catherine another surname in my things because I Can*
#koushirouizumi advs#koushirouizumi 02#koushirouizumi advs vents#koushirouizumi 02 vents#koushirouizumi dgmn vents#c: catherine#(ME ' No i'm nOT TAGGING her supposed full name thats directly lifted from an actual person ')#(M E ' ANYWAY ')#(ME Giving Catherine a surname I'm aware of that is F.r. and yet Not That)#(But really Toei that was ALL YOU COULD COME UP WITH?????)#(I'm still mad abt it too Haha)#(I was SO HAPPY SHE SHOWS IN THE pre view for next thing TOO)#(BANGS FISTS DOWN)#let catherine exist as a chara with own depth 2k22#(I have SO MANY H.C.s abt F.r. Chosen team too but never have anyone to talk to about them.....)#(That is I have to think about how to compile the H.C. thoughts too but Man Inter-national Chosen Are Fun To Work With)#let catherine exist separate from her interaction with just the boys 2k22#(NEGL I Am Very Curious Though if she can ACTUALLY have a conversation with Taichi again)#(But I think it'd be something with much more actual depth this time around if they did talk)#(I just highly doubt she'll actually get voiced lines.....)
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OKAY. *slams open door in manic about to have opinions*
MAYBE i am binging so, SO much unhinged bnha fics? Have already sent this to all my mutual and is not ENOUGH? But everyone is focused on these BABIES and not the MOST unhinged of them all? You COWARDS!!!
That's RIGHT! Ya girl has been hitting the "yandere/obsessive/possessive" behavior tag on Ao3 and is REFUSING TO BE NORMAL ABOUT IT! I have THOUGHTS DAMN IT! AaaaaaaaaaAAAAAA-!!! *Flips table*
Why the FUCK everyone focusing on BABIES?
I get it, don't yuck someone else's yum. To each their own. I respect that. But ALSO? What lvl of unhinged could they POSSIBLY HAVE? They are FIVE. SMOOTH FACED TODDLER BABY BOYS! A CHILD!
Like? Listen...
You know how Quirks are basicly evolutionary advantages? Random protections that are hit or miss? I have touched on this before in my naruto WIP (that i never posted but shush), but there must exsist a theoretical opposite of killing intent.
A sort of loving/peaceful intent if you will. A SAFETY intent. Or, for the purposes of THIS scenario and slightly to the left of that, a "love me" field. Which? Unlike what the perverse might believe or suggest? Just makes the target... love you.
Not sexually desire.
Love. Care about. Emotional connection.
And, yeah, maybe i've just been reading too many fics where shigiraki do what shigiraki does, and he is his unhinged obsessed lil self. Too many unhinged yandere fics where i darkly mutter "you are forgetting their Core Character Motivatioooooons! Just write an OC!"
Because you can twist a characters personality WITHOUT forgetting who they ARE. Thats what makes it INTERESTING, after all. Seeing how it could go so very, very wrong. How a good emotion, taken too extreme, can corrupt! N it's not just "oh that means violence n cursing right? Immediately jumping to cruelty?"
Its the obsession. The need to consume. The manipulation and care in which they try and maintain the illusion. It isn't one crack and "whelp, fuck it I guess!". Every character is different! Breaks under the strain of 1000% loving someone, DIFFERENT. And it brings up FASCINATING dynamics n potential quirk reactions?
Cause a emotional quirk WILL work. Even on people who supposed "dont have any" emotions? Because thats not how the human body FUNCTIONS. They HAVE all the necessary components. They just have a disorder. The Quirk would be forcing their body to MIMIC "feel-Y.exe" and their body would go with that. How THEY would process that data? What would it FEEL like to THEM? Whole different story.
But they WOULD feel "love" in what ever capacity THEY understand it.
You don't want to hurt your BEST FRIEND do you? You love them. Your BELOVED SISTER? This CUTE CHILD? She seems so NICE. Or maybe it's a precious and to be protected PET? She doesn't know what she'll get, "love" is nebulous and multifaceted. Could be platonic, familial, romantic. The love of a comrade. But it's never failed BEFORE. (Not, that I imagine, she being a well adjusted young lady, would feel morally comfortable USING said quirk in such times of peace. On anybody.)
We're all friend here, right? No need to be aggressive! Hurt anybody! Let's all put our weapons down, yeah?
But! This runs into a PROBLEM. The fuckin Yandere. Your bog standard sociopath. Those to whom this love field/targeting/ray/what-have-you is either so completely foreign too or NOTICEABLE as to be ineffective. Or to whom "love" is AGGRESSIVE.
Who's concept of "love" would actually make the problem WORSE.
I bring this up? Because I am FACINATED by the concept of AfO falling in love.
He... he would be COMPLETELY unhinged about it. The very act would unlock LAYERS to his deeply fucked up, highly obsessive, mind games and bank vaults, squirrel brain.
But I don't think he'd ever WILLINGLY fall in love. Or even be capable. Might be a brain chemistry thing, honesty. But the very reason his CLINGS to his his brothers quirk? Is because his brother was HIS. They were connected. It was... the closest thing he understood to love. And he is unhinged even to this day about it.
EIGHT GENERATIONS OF USERS LATER.
So like? If he spooked some poor soul? With a "love me" quirk? And she, in terror, tried to blast this Scary Supervillian into Not Hurting Her? She would have NO WAY of knowing that she just made a HUGE fucking mistake. Like... conceivably, the WORST mistake.
Because all it would take? Is her NOT instantly dying. No reflexive "how dare you use your Quirk on me". And? The altered brain chemistry starts to kick in. He's suddenly getting?? All these NICE happy brain chemicals that his body has been fuckin STARVED off? Fascinating new sensations? Elevated mood?
It's fake. He KNOWS it's fake. :) But that doesn't mean he won't murder her if she STOPS :)
Looooove yoooou~♡
Does it shift in to real, deeply deranged, love? Impossible to tell. Someone for the LOVE OF GOD call All Might. But?? He's just such an unhinged MESS it's fascinating to explore how emotional quirks would even react to him? Fascinating to think about how he would REACT if he had a SECOND "little brother" scenario. A person he CARED about. But this time... WORSE because it was in a way he could somewhat comprehend AND he had FAR more power then before.
Would it derail everything? Would he be able to focus on his Machiavellian plans while being able to fold them into them? Would he fuckin CONSUME THEM like he did Tomura? Ultimate form of love, after all, to become HIM.
How long could she, the hypothetical Quirk holder, keep that Quirk ACTIVE? Fear is a powerful motivator.
Just?? Why are there not more fics about the Ultimate Creep, BEING CREEPY AND UNHINGED??? He's VERY GOOD AT IT. Has had a LOT OF PRACTICE. LET AfO be deeply insane, 2XXX!
#minji's ponderings#minji's ranting#bnha#mha#AfO#yandere#yandere AfO#let him be unhinged you cowards#its his natural state!
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I have a little rant lol.
In general, the entire acotar fandom is immature and toxic (I honestly think its gotten so bad since nesta's book came out). Most of these people are grown women and men arguing back and forth about characters and ships. It's bad enough that its been going on for years that its sad. "I'll laugh at the elriels or gwnyriels or the eluciens if their ship isnt endgame" Do the people who say that realize how embarrassing they are? Many people are going to have good and terrible theories but bashing people and harassing people over fictional characters is just immature. I also hate when they say "its that [insert ship] the one who is being the most toxic and weird" NO. its all of you. None of us know who is going to be endgame no matter the theories you have or anything. YOU DONT KNOW. So, please, can we stop this already? its getting annoying and weird. This fandom has made it incredibly difficult to know who the next book is going to be about when its right in front of their eyes. Sarah has not made it impossible to know who the next will be about and I think thats why shes been so quiet about because everyone is being so aggressive about this ship war. I just know the moment she announces the couple, she'll get a ton of hate when its not even her fault because people love to twist her words on paper and thinks she's probably doing that but it could mean a whole other thing. Yall have let theories get to your head and twisted words so much that I think it's incredibly unhealthy for all of you to be acting this way. Stick with who you ship or love and of course, you can have beautiful theories, but toxicity is not necessary. No need to go back and forth about who is the real "endgame".
I mean yeah this fandom is insane. Sometimes as I'm aggressively typing out a reply to an anon who calls me a delusional psychotic bitch bc I made an Elriel post they didn't like, I genuinely just blink and think what the fuck am I doing?
It's partly why I didn't want get involved. At all.
I still try to keep to myself. Only even entertain the antis if they come to my posts. I stick to my own tags.
But there are people - and you're right they are from both sides, as I have also said multiple times on my blog -that go out of their way to start a fight on posts they know aren't meant for them.
These are the people that are making this fandom so toxic. Like I understand, no one person can be responsible for a fandom's collective behavior, but you can be responsible for yourself at the very least.
I have always made it clear what i believe acceptable behavior for discourse in this fandom is and isn't. It's not something I can personally enforce for others, but I can follow myself.
It really is crazy how out of hand this fandom has gotten because other people can't control themselves. If I see an anti Elriel post I don't like (and I don't follow any tags, actually, so I see ALL the ships posting), I have the self control to ignore it and keep scrolling.
This fandom has been overrun by childish adults, intent on being louder than the rest. It's crazy how many disgusting things have been said over just fictional characters, it makes me wonder what these people are like in real life.
At the end of the day - there's going to be a book and one side is going to be proven right. It's not worth all these vitriol that's been spewed across all sides just to "be right". I at least, would be perfectly fine to read an Elucien book. If Elriel does happen, I'm certainly not going to lord it over anyone's head and laugh.
Not worth my time. Not worth my energy.
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I love how we will have so many tags of "Enid x" our gurl deserves love and she'll get it, even if it's not the way she intended first
there's like three ships rn methinks, there's good 'ol wenclair with the dynamic of midnight rain and sunshine rays
enid x tara as makes life worthy to trust again and cautious with life
enid x pheobe is law abiding citizen and kleptomaniac
thats about it! theres like two more characters that're close to age and its katie torres and vada cadavell. Unfortunately, idk much abt them to characterize them well enough so i'll stick to the first three :)
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M O R D L U S T ; progress update
it's been like a year, so i should probably do another one of these 🫠 progress is slow but....certainly happening. i've been excited to write for this project for the first time in months and some of her rough edges are starting to smooth out which is very 😈 to me. ik i kinda abandoned my #priswritesmordlust tag but dw, she'll probably be back in a few weeks.
don't fucking hate me but i restarted the draft...it's not what it sounds like pls believe me. i got up to a little over 54k but since i write out of order so many things were inconsistent or driving me nuts because i knew how to make them better, but wasn't letting myself backtrack so i finally gave in.
don't worry tho !! i'm 24k into my current draft and it's already far better than the original in a lot of ways
i also added in 3 more chaps to flesh out certain subplots, side characters, etc
brief renaming guide: reiken ☛ helemar & reiki ☛ helemere
past me was right, act 2 was rlly fun to write for voir, since that's when salem shows up for realsies <33
voir is also the definition of mordlust, she only has a fight instinct
i might actually be able to cut this thing down to the 90k range once i really get into aleksander's pov, since it's way less florid than voir's
expect more worldbuilding posts !
things are getting v hectic for me since im currently enrolled in summer classes and the fall semester is beginning soon SO if things seem wonked thats why
so yah, ty all for sticking with me for the past. three years 💀💀 but here are some snacks for the road:
S N I P P E T S
❝"No," he said, rising. His hands retreated into his coat pockets. "But I do believe in mercy."❞
— CHAPTER THIRTY, Mordlust
❝He would have blamed it on their name alone, but there was kinship to be found among the devout of the Many-Faced God. He placed a hand over the satchel at his side, soon to be filled with the gold-stamped heads of kings and queens. His mouth went dry with the taste of ghaltmarks.❞
— CHAPTER TWELVE, Mordlust
❝Had he known what would become of him, he would have laid himself broken at your feet and cried, "Look at me! Look at what they did to me!"❞
— CHAPTER FOURTEEN, Mordlust
❝He couldn't believe it. A part of Voir still refused to. If she did indeed kill the Helemar, there would no longer be a place for her in Falkenreik. She'd betray the very earth where she stood.❞
— CHAPTER SEVEN, Mordlust
T A G L I S T
{ send an ask to be +/- }
@seasteading | @veneritia | @sourrcandy | @arkicts | @redrcbin | @behel1ts | @darkgazer | @inky-duchess | @kaatiba | @writeblrfantasy | @wildswrites | @morganwriteblr | @frvnwrites | @bayoucurse | @caradhraas | @birdskullz | @nallthatjazz | @ladywithalamp | @cannivalisms | @muddshadow | @sylhorn | @mortallynuttyqueen | @halcionic
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THE PASTEL PRINCESSES IF THEY WERE TUMBLR USERS
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- lorena!! ksysiss ok but like!! she'd def be on tumblr whenever she needs to say smth
- has terrible grammer thats inconsistent and messy
- types in caps more than she should
- reblogs memes n pictures of cats in hats
- talks abt her family all the time, especially abt gwen
- does shitty doodles of her mutuals
- does a lot of copypastas
- has a very lowkey account, not many people know about it
- says a lot of puns (half of them don't even work)
- sometimes her posts r just "had a blye shshhie?!" and then there's whole ass essays abt the usage of camouflage
- has twenty backup accounts
- is into military history!! reblogs interesting facts abt it and adds her own lil comments
- if you're her mutual, she'll be reblogging and liking every post of yours, will give you literally all of her support
- lorena is always there to talk to somebody !! she's kinda awkward sometimes but she makes up for it by being persistent and a bit hyper when you really get her going
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- Maria! <33
- ok so she's literally a sweetheart
- big sister vibes whos always willing to give credit to others and is super chill to talk to
- has really good grammer, messes up a few times but overall, she uses commas and barely has an typos
- gets a lot of anon asks, always talks to them like they're her long lost besties, super natural n caring
- she makes her own gifs!!
- talks abt her crush sometimes
- links her pinetrest
- writes fanfics and keeps it the biggest secret of her life, her followers only know bc she makes way too many references to ao3 fics
- lowkey a fangirl ngl, will gush her heart out and makes edits and fancams
- she keeps her identity (apart from her voice) a complete secret, like, you wouldn't even know the color of her hair
- reblogs a lot of facts n pictures of birds and in her rbs, she talks abt her experiences w them
- keeps a pastel blue aesthetic to her blog
- most of her text posts are her discussing bozart and asking for advice for her singing
- is always really excited to talk to people!! has a good amount of tumblr friends and is just really nice
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- GWEN!!! gwennie gwen gwendolyn!!
- she's gen the sweetest
- like ever <333
- this girl.... she's not very open and has a hard time telling if somebody likes her but does try to be kind to everybody
- shares a lot of baking recipes nd pictures of her own baking
- is really shy
- recorded herself talking once and immediately deleted it
- will sometimes vent in a very smash keyboard way whenever she's stressed
- mostly reblogs things to do with baking but also reblogs comfort posts that makes her happy
- doesn't discuss how she looks at all
- takes pictures of moss nd overgrown and thinks they're really pretty
- uses emoticons like ^^ and :)
- has a really really close group of five or so friends she met on tumblr and really wants to message them but is too scared she's bothering them
- wet sad fluffy kitten energy
- quotes from romance books and pictures of buttered bread
- her blog is the definition of comfort <33
- reblogs pictures of a bunch of funky animals and coos over them in the tags
- if you get to know her she's really really nice and will probably want to send you baked goods
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- jamie....
- this mans blog is half chaos half reviewer
- reblogs leo's posts (because he def has a tumblr too) literally all the time, usually like "how r you texting this in jail ://"
- does food reviews literally all the time, probably has a YouTube channel too
- gets asks all the time 😭😭 answers them all on one tuesday morning out of the blue
- 6/10 grammer, no attempt to do better, internet slang makes up half of his vocabulary
- uses 'ngl' when its not needed at all
- uploads a lot of pics of food, some of his own, some of others
- talks in tags, speaks in lowercase 1/3 of the time
- this man either capalizes everything or nothing... good for him!!
- has 82 drafts and is waiting for the right moment to post em
- compares his sister's cooking/baking to everything like "hmmm this lasagna is alright but my sister, Gwennie's,...."
- is accidently aesthetic.. everything this man posts just happens to have pink in it idk
- probably uses fonts tbh
- reblogs light academia/pastel royal/literally any type of cat aestheyic posts
- uses emojis ironically
- jamie honestly is a pretty chill guy and also enjoys talking to people :) sometimes he'll just hit somebody up and be like "that pasta you made has supreme good vibes,,, care to tell the recipe??"
- uses a lot of question marks and expscmation marks
- shows his face a lot !! Along with his outfits and bracelets nd stuff
- posts about his life a lot, doesn't really care if somebody finds out this is him because he's really open abt it
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Last year I had published a post wishing everyone a very happy Raksha Bandhan, also telling them to wear some dark kajal, and that traditional suit and chooridar leggings, or that sari or that frocksuite or that lahenga. And I remember receiving a reply on that post by this one girl, who wrote that she wasn't going to do anything that day. But just because she read this post, she'll dress up, put on her bangles and that red bindi.
So here I am again, wishing that all of you who are celebrating, will put on those jhumkas, bangles and that red or black bindi. That you'll dress up in that traditional dress, style your hair, leave it open or braid it. Thats you'll have all those sweets and many as you want, not thinking abot how much sugar or oil or ghee it has, because it's just very few days like this one when we get to fullfill our desires which drift out from desi culture.
I love you and I bet you'll look like a proper patolla!
[Tagging some of my Desi moots <3 : @academiaghosts @imaddicted2hs @sunandherflores @niallsteenagekitty @marvel1dhp @eloquentree @booksmartheart @the-grass-isnt-greener-here @onecrazydirectioner <3]
#brown girls#desi tumblr#desi stuff#desi tag#desi things#desi academia#desi culture#raksha bandhan#desiblr#happy raksha bandhan!!
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Please tag ☔
Hi, I hope you're all doing well.. and I appreciate you guys taking thw time to help everyone seding asks on this blog...
This a trigger warning for possible childhood sexual assault...
How do you know if a memory is fake? There's been something itching in the back of my mind periodically for many years and frankly I'm to scared to possibly confront it in the result of it being true. The thing is I don't really remember the specific event, but I just have this feeling that I might have been abused as a child when I was like 8ish, I'm 24 now. The few things that I do remember is this man, I'll call D, who was a coworker and close enough friend to my Dad that he came over to our house a few times, looking back on it now he had a really weird kind of connection(?) with me more so then he did with my brother who is a year older than me. He just always seemed to gravitate towards me and would rather draw with me then rough house with my brother. D was an artist and so he would draw me things, he would draw my other family things too but the majority of the art was stuff I liked. We still have all these drawings and there's one that, now as an adult, just makes me really uncomfortable. D had drawn a picture of us two smiling heads tilted together like we were looking at a camera, but he drew me as what he imagined me to be as a young adult instead of the child I was, I never asked for that drawing he just drew when he was home and gave it to me the next time he was at our house. He never drew any of my other family members, just me and him. Which I frankly think is a really weird thing to draw an aged up version of your friends child to be about the same age as you are in the drawing. The thing is I know those memories are real. But I have a very distinct memory that I don't know if its real but its so loud in my head when it pops up that I feel like it is. My parents were going to a concert and so D was watching us in the evening until the early morning when my parents would get back. I don't know if my mom had a creepy feeling about him or what but I remember right before they left she came into my room to say goodbye and I just remembered her being really stern with me and telling me that D was not to sleep in my bed with me, even if he asked she wanted to make sure I was to tell him no. I was confused as to why she was saying this and I just told her that I knew that and I didn't want to sleep in bed with him. It was really weird cause she had never said this to me when anyone else had watched us before, male or female. I don't have any other memories of that night. And I don't remember if he ever came to the house again after that night. This "memory" has stuck in my head for years as a weird statement from my mom but it wasn't until a teenager that I kept going back to it as a what if I was abused. I have adhd and my memory is generally bad so I don't remember much from my childhood and I'm really antisocial and I have a lot of intimacy issues so I've never been in a romantic relationship, so one time when I was in my late teens my mom pulled me aside and we were just talking and she just asked me if any of my dads friends ever assaulted me as a child and thats why I didn't ever show interest in a relationship and didn't feel like I could tell my parents. I had said no because I was taken aback by the question and I didn't think I was, and if I had been I surely would have told my parents because I knew even as a child my Dad would kill anyone who hurt me or my brother and that he would've protected me. I'm really scared to ask my Mom about if she knows anything because I don't know how to bring it up or if she'll even remember but I really really feel like I need closure on if this is real or not. I've never had any other memories about anyone else ever hurting me like that, just the thought that D might have. I would like some advice on how to figure out if this is a real memory or how to bring it up with my Mom. I'll be going to a therapist soonish for the first time but thats for something else and I'm a bit to scared to brooch this subject with the therapist until I have more solid answers. Thank you for you time. And I really appreciate all you guys do.
Hey there,
When trying to figure out if a memory is fake or not, I think that it’s really important to trust your instincts and how it made you feel personally looking back on those possible memories and the person you are today. For example, sometimes when a person is abused by another, they may find it really hard and difficult to put trust in another person/ feel comfortable around them in some or all situations and may/ may not have trouble with intimacy. I, of course, cannot tell you if or how you may be able to tell if this memory you are having is fake or not as this is something you really need to explore into it by yourself (if you feel able and are in a good headspace to do so) and try to ask those really hard questions which will hopefully be able to give you some peace of mind or closure of what may have happened when you were a child in regards to with D.
So, how may you be able to bring this up with your Mum?
You mentioned in your Ask that you Mum asked you if you had ever been abused by one of your Dad’s friends, and so maybe this would be a good starting point in which to initiate a conversation about it with your Mum. You could perhaps say something like “you know when you asked me if any of Dad’s friends had abused me, I was wondering what made you ask that” - if she had a feeling that something had happened or if she was just feeling as though something could have happened with D or another one of your Dad’s friends. I think it is really important to try to talk to your Mum about why she asked you and her reasoning behind it, it may also help you to remember and/ or put together some of your childhood memories to help you to better make sense of things. Of course though, and understandably, this will not be easy at all to talk to your Mum about so maybe you could send her a text message when and if you feel able and comfortable in doing so and just letting her know you want to talk about or know more about what she remembers from when you were a child growing up but are not sure how to bring the conversation up. This may be a good ice breaker into starting to talk about this stuff.
I think that it’s really great that you are seeing a therapist soon even if it is for other things other than your memories and possible abuse. Maybe though, after getting to know and feeling more comfortable with the therapist that you see, you may be able to talk to them too about this stuff as they will be best able to help you to cope with whatever may come up and get some closure and/ or being able to leave the past in the past to a degree and moving on to focusing on your future. Of course though by all means, speak first to your therapist about the things you need to, but always know that you can talk to them about these memories as well when you feel comfortable in doing so.
I really hope that this has helped a bit and please do let us know if we can help to support you in any other way!
I’m thinking of you and hope that you are going OK!
Take care,
Lauren
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feel free to ignore im kind of just screaming into the void here
so i love my friends right like theyre great people however there are some things that they do that kind of make me dislike them and i feel so bad abt it cos i love them but some of the shit they do makes me so uncomfy and i dont want to say anything cos what if they hate me for it and want to stop being friends with me and even though i know that they wont it still scares me lol but some of the shit they do makes me so uncomfy like some of them are hella transphobic and dont even realise it hell some of them say homophobic shit like in a joking way but it still kinda scares me also one of them uses autistic as an insult and that absolutely does not sit right with me and like this one isnt even that bad but they constantly refer to me as the gay one and they dont even seem to think of me as more than that sometimes also i have asked them a hundred times to call me lesbian instead of gay but nope im the gay one in the friend group and nothing will change that and that kind of doesnt vibe with me too good also theres this person who they keep referring to as my girlfriend or my wife and that absolutely is not okay with me and if asked them to stop so many times but they either cant or wont cos they keep calling her that and the thing is that the person they keep calling my wife is a really good friend of mine and we also have a lot of friends in common and i hang out w her and her friends a lot and whenever my friends see me with her they always take photos and shit which makes me so uncomfy i hate having photos taken of me and theyre also really unsubtle about calling her my girlfriend and shit when shes around and when her friends around and im so scared that either her or one of her friends will figure out that i like her and she'll be like ew thats mank and ill lose yet another friend and even tho i know thats so so unlikely cos shes a great person but it would at the very least make things awkward between us and i dont want that cos shes a good friend (better than my fg) so if my friends mess up that friendship i swear im gonna have no friends at all cos ill likely get pissed as fuck at them and my other friends will think im mentally fucked up and then i may as well just leave the entire fucking school and go to my local one and even though i know im catastrophising to the end of the earth and back it still doesnt take away from the fact that some of my friends are making me feel so uncomfy that i dont want to hang out w them even tho i love them also theres these two really toxic people in my grade who sometimes hang out with us (one more than the other) and theyve told the one whos not nice per se but less bad than the other one and hangs out with us less to fuck off and the homophobic transphobic bitch who uses so many slurs its not ok at all they seem to have no problem with oh and theres this kid in the year below us who always dabs up the rest of my fg but whenever he sees me he just says ew no ur a lesbian and one time he said that i prolly jerk off to furry porn and first of all what the actual fuck second of all that made me feel so uncomfy and third of all my fg just laughed and they still bring it up so often and they surely can tell it makes me feel so so fucking scared and i dont even fucking know why oh and one of my closest friends has the most terrible taste in guys like i swear she lies the most toxic people and im the only one who can actually see that cos all the others think theyre hot and they dont realise just how bad its gonna end every time theres literally only 2 people in that group who actually dont ever make me feel like my skeleton js gonna fucking scuttle out of my skin and crab walk to the nearest trash can and jump in so tysm to sarah (i aint gonna tag u cos i dont want u to see this post lmao im still gonna post it tho) and arkie (she doesnt even have tumblr and will never see this post but i still want to put it in writing) anyways yuh thats my lil vent
#just a load of garbage#literally ignore this please im js screaming into the void and hoping some answers float out of my words which they wont but still#also my fg make me feel so shit for hanging out with other people but like im fucking allowed to talk to people yall dont own me#they never did this to s or j and j fucking left the fg entirely and they still love her#anyways yeah#please ignore this#irl ppl ignore this please#this should never leave my drafts#it prolly will tho lmao
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I posted 475 times in 2022
That's 198 more posts than 2021!
123 posts created (26%)
352 posts reblogged (74%)
Blogs I reblogged the most:
@psychicdamaged
@viciousmollymaukery
@counterspelling
@freshcutgrasss
@slayerscake
I tagged 474 of my posts in 2022
#cr spoilers - 136 posts
#nat one - 125 posts
#critical role - 110 posts
#cr - 105 posts
#critrole - 100 posts
#vox machina - 87 posts
#tlovm - 65 posts
#cr3 - 55 posts
#bell’s hells - 46 posts
#percy de rolo - 46 posts
Longest Tag: 126 characters
#what really bothers me about is that the danger of this didn’t occur to marisha but im a pretentious stem major so thats on me
My Top Posts in 2022:
#5
pov: your wife/bride just drowned in front of you and was resurrected by your friends while you were stuck to a cliff and in chains
807 notes - Posted January 4, 2022
#4
lines from vox machina that took me out instantly and still live rent-free in my head
"Percival. Sweet Percival."
"your sister lives, Percival"
"do not go far from me"
"Do you think this is what mother saw before she died?"
"It’s going to be all right. Pike is here, it’s going to be all right, it’s going to be all right. Gil?"
"take me instead you raven bitch"
"You are a good person and I have always seen that. Please see it, please. Oh god, my heart is breaking."
"I do not work in wood. I am not brave enough for that. There is a comfort in iron, a promise of safety, a second chance if mistakes are made. But a city is more a forest than a sword. No, it needs more tending than that. Perhaps a city is like a garden, then."
"sometimes breaking is making, even iron can start again, and there are many things that move through fire and find themselves much better for it afterward."
"I love you. If I can find you, I will. If not, stay alive."
I hear the voice of my mother in the morning. “Fuck you.”
"but if he's gone forever I won't be the same"
"I was gonna ask you what your mother’s name is." / "It was Juniper." / "I’m sorry I didn’t know that."
"Well that's just it. I'm a really good liar."
"all we found of her was her leg" / "that means she's still alive"
I think back to Percy's workshop in Greyskull Keep. And I say "I love you too."
"I have a feeling she's pulling our fate strings, anyway. ...mine's connected to yours. Where you go, I go."
"I am here because I have completed my Aramente, and I have come for my blessing." / "Yes, you have. I just wanted to hear it from your lips."
"You look like mother right now. You do."
"And I thought that was it. I had ruined it. But before dawn, she came back, she unrolled her bedding, and she went to sleep, and woke up the next morning and said "what's for breakfast, Dad?"
"Promise me you'll come back with me, no matter what." / "I promise."
Vax is watching, frozen.
"Where's Vax?"
"I thought you died. I watched you die." ... "It's a trick. It's a trick of the feywild."
He's physical. He's cold. But he's there.
"Look. Look at me. Just remember. Whatever happens, remember me. That's all that's important."
"I remember. (softer) I remember. See? It's all up here. So whatever happens, keep me there. All right?"
"She'll probably outlast you, but while you're around, keep her company for me?"
"What if there comes a day when I don't even recognize the name Vox Machina anymore?"
See the full post
1,245 notes - Posted January 1, 2022
#3
laura bailey killing deliliah briarwood in defence of her love interest part 2 electric boogaloo
1,319 notes - Posted October 14, 2022
#2
your honor the little bastard has made a friend
2,954 notes - Posted January 13, 2022
My #1 post of 2022
Quotes from EXU Calamity I'll Be Thinking About for the Rest of Time
"Of course I'm safe. You'd never let anything happen to me." / "I would never let anything happen to you."
"Dad. You know I won't look like this when you get home."
There are a lot of stories in Exandria of mortals who stumbled their way into Feywild and fell in love with an enchanting fairy that they met there. But there's one story of a fairy who stumbled into this world and fell in love.
And in that instant realizes you can hold all the knowledge in the world. But if it dies with you, it doesn't matter.
"I promised you I'd never forget." / "I promised you I wouldn't either."
You hear in your heart, "Darling, no."
Do I know? Do I feel it? That he's gone? / You do.
Laerryn's screams fill whatever secret hallway she's in.
"No, baby. I'll always have my eye on you." And I squeeze their hands.
"I don't know how deeply you have sacrificed to do what must be done, but I know this: There is no god that strides this world that I worship more than I worship your heart... I bear your name. I bear it on this stone. And one day, I will bring you home."
In the kiss, I'll cast Cure Wounds on you.
"It's all on you, smart girl."
And I'll just turn my back on the door and let it close. / No! No, you have to go.
"I'm sorry, my lady. I love you, but I love another more" / "My child, my heart breaks. But I would rather mine break and yours be kept whole."
"But our two cities are like a married couple. We may have our differences. But we are connected by love for eternity. We made a promise to each other, and it's one we must fulfill."
"...and remember the Architect Arcane, Laerryn, the most beautiful woman in the world."
"Yes, it's me. Just look at my eyes. Don't look at anything else. Just look at my eyes, please."
I've kept so many of my thoughts and dreams and wishes for him. I hand it to him. I set it on the ground because I don't expect him to actually take it from my hands. "This is for you. Everything you've ever wanted to know about me and your father, it's here."
"Dad, dad, wait. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." "You have nothing to be sorry about." / "I do." You see, you haven't even looked in his hands. He's holding a basket with a spell kite attached.
"I don't know why I didn't send it." / "I know why, and it's okay. It's okay. Elias, I love you from the moment I laid eyes on you. Everything that I wished for you to know about me, it's in this book. Take it with you. You'll always be five years old to me no matter how much you grow."
You know me. I would never have let my guard down like that. I took those blows.
As I go down, I make sure I don’t miss
"I know what you gave. You found a path beyond the stars. I do not know whence the gods came from, but I know that you found it in your heart. I promise you, Zerxus, I will find that place. I will find the secret of how these worlds were made, and I will come and find you and bring you home."
"Yes, brother. All will be well."
"You think we'll ever get there one day?" / "Of course we will. We're the Okiros."
When you think of the future and what people will say of this time, do you think anyone will talk about how beautiful your dream was? / No. But that's all right, because it was real for us. For those who survived, they will remember, and it will inspire them to dream of things far greater.
What are Patia's final thoughts? / Just that there are many more dreams to come.
"I've been able to become anyone I want my whole life, but I just want to be with you."
"And for whatever time we have left, I love you. I have always loved you, and I will always love you." / "I love you, too." I'll just kiss her.
See the full post
3,902 notes - Posted June 21, 2022
Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →
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idk why, but i just have a feeling that this is gonna be a good year for kpop. i guess every year is, there’s enough good stuff every year to overshadow all the not-good stuff, but like... anyway lol, i just think there’s gonna be a lot of stuff i like this year. idk why. i just feel it.
the groups i’m watching out for the most are:
Dreamcatcher: obviously they literally just came back, but they tend to do at least two comebacks every year. And since i think it’s extremely possible that they’ll get their first win with Odd Eye, and since the Dystopia series is over now and whatever else they do from here onwards will be something else that’s all new... I think this will be a really great year for them
Weki Meki: my other ult group haha. i’m not just saying it because of that though, i also think they have a ton of potential to nail it this year. they’re getting more and more popular. not just Dodaeng, who i guess are arguably a little less famous than they were during and shortly after IOI, but all 8 members. Weki Meki are becoming known more and more for Weki Meki, not just for Dodaeng. and with the huge shift they did with Cool, i’m super excited to see what they do next!
Fromis_9: my other other ult group. god i hope they have at least two comebacks this year... i think it’s pretty likely that they will. their company actually promotes them really well, it’s just that the extended hiatus of last year was something out of their hands. That was an Mnet thing, but the company who actually manages Fromis (OTR) clearly cares about them and promotes them well. i think now that the Mnet scandal thing is mostly over, and they came back with a mini album last year, there’s nothing stopping them from promoting again the same way they did before all that happened.
Loona: my other other other ult hahaha. but seriously, they got their first win last year, and they weren’t able to repeat that with Why Not, but October had a lot of pretty tough competition. I absolutely think they’ll repeat it this year though. and I predict probably more than once. i think by the end of this year, Loona will be even closer to the upper echelon of fourth gen girl groups than they already are. i think this will be another year of huge growth for Loona, cause all the pieces are in place. their notoriety is growing even in Korea now, so it’s only a matter of time before it all really comes together perfectly
Weeekly: the 2020 rookies of the year. i have super high hopes for them this year, and i think they’ll work hard to make sure everyone knows that they deserved that title. i’m not sure if they’ll blow up this year, but at the very least i think they’ll continue to set the groundwork for a future blowup.
Aespa: the actual biggest group to debut in 2020 lmao, it’s just that they debuted too late to win the award haha. oh well. i think it kinda goes without saying that this is gonna be a pretty huge year for them. that’s kinda obvious lol
Izone: soooo... okay. the elephant in the room is that they’re set to disband this year. but the situation is such that... kinda anything can happen. we dont know what’s gonna come of this... and the possibilities really excite me and also make me kinda anxious lol
Purple Kiss: they have the potential to be the biggest girl group that debuts in 2021. i dont have a lot to go on, but i like their predebut single My Heart Skip a Beat lol. but yeah i think theyre maybe the frontrunner for 2021 rookie of the year already, just cause they have a bit of a following already and theyre from a big company with a really big senior girl group who has a huge fandom (Mamamoo). all those things work in their favor, and i’m interested to see how big their actual debut will be
#i was gonna write a whole thing in the tags here about the mystic girl group that will probably debut this year#and how they also have potential to be big cause they have a couple sm trainees and moon sua who was a prominent yg trainee#and takeuchi miyu who did really well on produce 48#but mostly the reason i was excited for them was because of lee soomin who was a predebut member of weki meki and weeekly#and was in the finale female trainee lineup of mixnine with heejin ryujin eyedi and more#but apparently soomin left in august of 2020#huh#so they'll debut without her (if they ever debut)#like that detail kinda makes me think that this group might not debut#like... that creates some doubt... you know?#though i mean maybe they'll debut and i'll love them... just like weki meki and weeekly hahaha#maybe soomin leaving during the predebut stage is a prerequisite for me loving a group sdkmnrglkejrgioe#long post#i wonder what she'll do then... she's notable but like definitely getting less notable over time probably lol#produce 101 season 1 and mixnine only get longer ago as time goes on (thats how time works)#so.... idk#hmm#idk much about her so im not that invested but i just thought her many connections were interesting
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shera s3 spoilers are people actually thinking catra is narratively beyond redemption after s3?? guys this is not some grimdark edgy hbo show it’s a cartoon for kids, they’re not gonna be like “well this character who we’ve put considerable effort into showing in a sympathetic light is just gonna be evil forever i guess”... it’s like jenny nicholson said about kylo ren, what would be the moral of that character arc? some people just turn evil and never go back and it be like that? cuz i think if they were gonna go for that in some sort of “toxic people sometimes just stay toxic and you gotta cut them out forever” twist they would also do that with shadow weaver, a more obviously evil and abusive character, instead of having her help the good guys and deserve trust and shit
#spop spoilers#she ra spoilers#catra#spop#she ra#god this show has so many possible tags#shera#anyway i mean i guess i cant be 100% sure she'll get redeemed but i think she will#id be VERY surprised otherwise#like one of the most annoying things about the show is just how black and white it morality is a lot of the time#with the horde looking about as evil as it can without having bones and pools of blood everywhere#and the rest of the planet being serene and beautiful and filled with good hearted people#and thats because the target audience is pretty clearly kid#kids*#and no kids show is gonna take a character who was extremely sympathetic from the very beginning and stayed pretty damn sympathetic#and make her turn completely and irreparably evil
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