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queen-of-writing-bad-things · 3 months

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Henry Danger Reader Insert | Captain Man x Reader: SEASON 5

Episode 11: Grand Theft Otto (SMUT)

*heyyyyyyyyy, guess who's bringing sexy back? and two chapters in a row no less. this smut was born from my inability to think of how else to start the chapter, a reluctance to write eight whole minutes with no (y/n) present, a trip to victoria's secret and a lot of piano music with ambient rain sounds (my secret to writing freestyle).

word of warning, this smut does include some even more mature themes than usual that are discussed but not fully played out (not yet) and i know they're not for everyone, so just be aware of that, exploring different things for different people :)

as always my dudes: don't like the boom-boom then skip ahead until the next warning because this one uses bad words, bad ideas and a lot of the stuff grown-ups do in the real world. Have fun :) *

There was something to be said about couples who lived through the night and slept all of the day.

They were made of tough stuff. It was almost essential, anyone who went against the body's natural clock needed a certain level of resilience just to struggle through the inconsistent sleeping patterns. That's why (y/n) sometimes liked living underground; you can sleep at any time when the sun doesn't shine.

But not always.

She missed windows. She missed nice scenery. She missed having a front door and porch, a backyard most of all. How nice would it be if she could wake up in the morning and let the fresh air in instead of a mound of dirt and earthworms?

Maybe it was petty; after all, the Man Cave was great and she'd been promised compensation later down the line. Ray wanted his sweet girl to live in a palace but his bank account would never stretch that far, so a quiet little house in the country would have to do. One where their family would have space to grow unhindered. That was a far-off dream but he swore that the next place he had would have a great view. Maybe a mountain or the cityscape. Something that spoke a little more than stone walls.

And yet very occasionally, not too often thanks to their patchy sleep schedule, there came a day where the view in the Man Cave wasn't so bad after all.

The past two weeks had been hell. Emergencies left, right and centre, people begging down the phone line for help, which sometimes Captain Man, Miss Danger and Kid Danger could give and sometimes they couldn't. Like, when the old lady phoned up asking if they could help her play bingo, they had to grit their teeth and politely say no. But when there was an explosion at the paint factory, they had to go check it out... and discover that once household paint goes on, it doesn't come off.

Fast forward another thirteen days of many showers and a bottle of paint stripper, things had calmed down, leaving Henry a free afternoon at home and the loving couple to crash until midday. For fourteen hours, they slept, dead to the world to the point where when they finally did wake fully rested, they realised how they hadn't had any personal time.

A man couldn't live without his sweet girl and a woman couldn't live without her doofus, so as Ray pottered around the bathroom, having dragged himself from their pit of blankets muttering something about needing to shave the last two weeks off, (y/n) found herself feeling...generous.

Of course, she was a patient woman. Hell, she'd waited ten years for her perfect man, so she knew when the right time to strike was. But goddamn, normally, she would've called herself an animal, a degenerate, because standing in front of the mirror with a new set of lingerie on, waiting for her husband-to-be so she could give him a heart attack was just not how things usually ran.

However, (y/n) had to admit, she looked hot—and it was a great confidence booster.

White lace and silk smoothed over her boobs to push them in and upwards, creating the illusion that they were naturally sculpted to give her a perfect cleavage whilst also revealing taut, hardened nipples. Running down her waist and tummy was yet more lace, sheer and soft as it formed a corset to highlight her shape.

She hummed softly in her throat when the underwear was pulled high over her curves, her core getting slick at the mere thought of Ray mouthing over her clit just to pull it down and have his fill. She'd chosen this set with him in mind; garters and stockings weren't her thing but seeing him lose his mind was too good to resist, so they sat mid-thigh, clipped to the corset where they'd inevitably stay since he fucked with them on, no exceptions.

Once upon a time the girl who stared back at her would think she was mad and strip it back off along with the light coat of mascara and lipstick she'd put on, but now, she was loving it. And the best thing? Ray would lose his mind.

No mad scramble to the bed, no way. She'd never seen a Victoria's Secret Angel jog down the runway so she delicately placed herself on the bed, thinking about how she should sit—lie—pose—how did people do this? Laying down made her feel dumb, after all, she wanted to see Ray's face. Sitting felt too formal, like she was waiting for a board meeting or something, so she went for a mix of both, which she guessed was posing.

In the middle of the bed, she stretched out her legs, crossing them at the ankles to make them seem longer and her hips even more mouth-watering. Her chest pushed out as she leaned back with her arms behind her to stay propped up and it felt like an eternity spent waiting for the faucet to turn off and the humming to finish.

The thong was starting to dampen and her hips rolled by themselves in response, thighs rubbing together because it had been so long since she felt his breath between her legs, his hands roaming up her back, his cock between her lips. She was desperate but patience would make everything worthwhile.

In the bathroom, Ray had spent the last half an hour in limbo. He'd started shaving, just as he'd promised since Captain Man didn't look as appealing sporting a hobo beard, despite his precious girl's insistent pleas that it made him look tough and rugged.

More like it would make her thighs burn when he finally got a chance to settle himself between them and taste that sweet pussy of hers. God, her thighs, her tight cunt, her perfect tits, he'd missed them.

He'd missed her in general; even though they'd still spent every waking second in each other's presence, it was hard to be romantic when you were driving to an accident, getting a fat guy out of a drive-thru window, eating on the way back, napping for half an hour, only to go out again. They'd barely had enough energy to talk, let alone fuck, and dear god, he was desperate.

He wanted to roll her over and push into her blazing heat that morning, wake her up right and pull orgasm after orgasm out of her until he'd caught up on every one they'd missed, but he'd held back. It didn't matter if he was hard, leaking, and in need of attention; he figured that, after such an arduous few days, (y/n) needed rest, and even his gentlest pace wouldn't give her that.

Not that it would be gentle. He wanted it hard and fast and dirty, so he'd removed himself from her arms before her bleary eyes and fuzzy mind could remember that his aching cock had been pushed up against her slit all night.

One cold shower later and he was fresh-faced and smooth-cheeked, but not a satisfied man. He'd tried to take the edge off, had wrapped a hand around himself to find release but had bitten his lip to smother his frustrated groans when it just wasn't enough. He needed wide eyes, soft moans and a perfect hole to empty his balls into, so he just had to wait for his hard-on to go down under the freezing spray since he wasn't prepared to bear down on his sweet girl simply because he had the libido of a seventeen-year-old.

So, when he left the bathroom with nothing more than a towel around his waist, he certainly didn't expect the sight that awaited him.

"Hey, sweet girl, should we make some pancakes or order Sushi Dushi? 'Cause it's lunchtime but I'm feeling like—holy shit..." Food was no longer on his mind as he entered the bedroom and took in the vision that was waiting for him on the bed.

His sweet, sweet girl, sat on the bed like a goddess clad in lace and silk with her doe-like eyes trained on him as her lower lip was pulled between her teeth. Her breathing was shallow as he watched one hand trail from the comforter, snake between her thighs and into her panties to begin teasing her clit, all the while maintaining eye contact.

All the blood in his body rushed south as he watched with a dry mouth and empty brain, wondering what he did to deserve an angel like her before snapping out of his trance.

As much as he loved the sheer eroticism of it, that job was his and his alone and any of her pleasure came from his mouth, his hands or his cock, which was back to being like granite now that his eyes raked down her form. Shit, her tits looked so good, he wanted to bite, suck and squeeze them until she was writhing, begging for him to move onto her soaked pussy.

"Fuck, baby—I—fuck, is this all for me?"

"Mhmm, wanted to look pretty for you...and I'm so wet too. You took too long, Captain," she whined, intensifying the stroking of her fingers to increase the heavenly pressure on her clit, which seemed so swollen and throbbing after sitting on the bed for too long. Ray swallowed thickly at her words and stared darkly at her clothed pussy, watching until his mouth was set into a firm line. She knew his rules.

"This is pretty, little one, you look so fucking hot. But that's my pussy you're touching," he murmured, stalking towards the bed as she continued to work herself, only to drag it from her panties at a slow, teasing pace when he was within touching distance.

"'M sorry, sir, I couldn't help it. I woke up and knew I needed your cock in me...but you weren't in bed," she smirked and raised her slick fingertips to her mouth, tongue dipping out to taste them as he leaned down to loom over her, eyes never leaving hers. However, a soft gasp fell from her lips when strong fingers curled around her wrist, the sudden skin-on-skin contact feeling like fire, and he pulled it up to his mouth instead. "Where were you? Why did you leave me when I'm so needy?"

"Needed to shave, sweet girl. Although I have to admit, the idea of fucking you did cross my mind," he whispered smugly before closing his lips around her digits, moaning when his tongue caught her sweet taste as he sucked it off, much to her delight.

(y/n) smirked as his eyes fluttered closed, aching already from the small glimpse into the pleasure he'd been denied, and she saw no problem in reaching up to his hidden length that was twitching under the towel and tracing her fingers over the leaking head. The reaction was instant, a guttural groan that vibrated against her fingers and a fire in his eyes when they finally met again.

"I needed it, still do. It's been too long—and I've been saving this to try and seduce you," the woman breathed out as he pushed her shoulders gently down to the mattress so he could trap her against the soft cotton and explore the gorgeous number she'd donned. It had been shoved in her wardrobe for a special occasion rather than a boring, Saturday afternoon, but it would still be thoroughly enjoyed and that's what mattered, especially when his hands started twitching from not knowing where to start.

It was like he was a child struggling to contain his Christmas excitement; he wanted to leave her cunt until last, that way it would draw out the pleasure until it was painful for both of them to wait any longer. Her tits looked almost too perfect to grab roughly and he was torn between keeping them trapped in the white material or freeing them for his use. He wanted to run his tongue over them as her legs with those fucking hot suspenders closed around his waist, wanted to take her over and over again until she was ruined for any other cock.

"It's working, darlin'. I wanna fuck you so bad, wanna make you remember who you belong to—who belongs to you." A squeal left her throat when he pinched her nipple through the lace, a slap landing on the same tit, not a second later, which had her back arching into him.

Her hand reached for the towel still tied around his waist and with one hard yank, its knot unravelled, freeing his cock so it rested on her clothed cunt with its underside rubbing against her slit. Ray hadn't expected her to be so sudden and his hand closed around her throat loosely, allowing him to tilt her head up until she had no choice but to look him in the eye for what she'd done.

He roamed down her body, biting the top of her breasts and licking to soothe the flesh when his teeth pierced it, her fingers tugging at his hair when he kneaded her tits roughly. It wasn't enough to satisfy the burning in her core, not even when he leaned down to mouth at her nipples through the lace but when she begged him to remove the barrier, thinking that it had done its job of making her look beautiful, he refused.

"Take it off, Ray. I—I need—-it's not fair that I can't feel you!"

"Fuck, no, sweet girl. You look so damn hot in this, I ain't taking it off. I'm gonna fuck you like this and you'll take it, won't you?" He growled at her whining and trailed a hand over lace and silk, over her hips, over her tummy and her mound to the soaked, sorry excuse for underwear. "You'll take anything I give you and love it because I know this little pussy just needs filling. That's what makes you run your mouth at me."

Ray had always known that he leaned more towards lace than leather, preferred innocence over sex kitten, but damn, he couldn't help but fall in love with the way she exuded both sexuality and purity. Had he not taken that innocence over and over again since that first night, he wouldn't have known that she was as dirty as he was, as shown when she pouted innocently even when he rubbed sudden, rough circles over the satin and her clit.

The ensuing moans that fell from her lips were downright sinful, so was the wetness that aided his finger in pushing into her pussy and how she clamped down immediately, whining when he pulled it straight back out so cruelly. Her already bruised lip was tugged between her teeth again as she propped herself on her elbows to watch him slither down her body to come face-to-face with her most intimate area. His view was blocked by the thong but his eyes remained dark with his dilated pupils as he nuzzled against the soaked material, hot air blowing over her quivering thighs.

"Don't tease—don't tease...please."

"Just admiring what's mine, sweetheart," he murmured, taking his time to pull the thong tightly up her hips until the silk's stitching was snapping and popping, just so he could see how it cupped and pressed into her lips before pulling it aside to begin his assault.

His mouth found her clit instantly, groaning when the sweetest honey taste flooded his mouth and his tongue ran through her folds to collect more. It danced around her opening before plunging in, tearing a scream from her throat as she held the thong for him in one hand, his hair in the other, allowing his hands to pin her thighs to the bed.

She noticed how his fingers couldn't stop trailing and snapping the suspenders so they pricked at her skin, something she'd add to the long list of kinks he had when her mind was back in reality. A brief second of respite came when his tongue ceased exploring her walls to suck and slurp at her lips and then her clit harshly, only to return to fucking her not half a second later. She thought a punishment would be in line for her when her fingers left his head to rub her swollen nub furiously, chasing her orgasm as he got off on her wrecked gasps of pleasepleaseplease and hoarse moans of moremoremore. But it was actually quite the opposite.

"That's it, sweet girl. Rub this cunt, get it nice and wet and ready so I can drink you up when you cum," he growled from between her legs, stare pinning her down so she could do nothing but obey, "You want to cum, don't you?"

"Yes—yes, fuck, I wanna cum so bad!" "That's my good girl..." And so, Ray dived back in, wanting to see her wriggle and writhe under his grip so he could use the tidal wave of slick to push into her pussy with no resistance. She always came at least once before he did and the knowledge that she'd be left trembling but satiated gave him the strength to ignore how his cock and balls were begging for release.

Honestly, he was surprised that he hadn't creamed the sheets yet like a teenager. Seeing her clad in so little lace should've made him, but he staved it off, reasoning that it would be better to cum deep in her pussy and feel her walls tighten around him than the soft nothingness of blankets.

(y/n)'s fingers flickered harder as he increased his movements tenfold, moving his tongue in and out of her hole as he would if it were his cock, aiming for the spot that made her squirm and whine. He could feel it, her oncoming release, just from the way her walls quivered and her thighs juddered, trying to fight against the iron grip keeping them spread wide.

A gentle shudder and then it was all over, core clenching tightly and gushing for his awaiting mouth as she kept stimulating her clit through her orgasm, screaming his name until her voice was ruined. Even when the wave mellowed and started to settle, he stayed drinking what he could, licking at her sensitive lips for the last drop of honey he could find because he had been starved and he was finally ready to have his fill again.

"Too—too much, baby—" "S'been two weeks since I last tasted this pussy, darlin'. Still fucking delicious," he said against her folds, practically raking his face through them one last time, focusing on her clit to electrify the nerves there, before pulling away to kneel on the mattress. Hungry eyes raked over her dishevelled form, ravished with her cunt exposed and twitching. It was fucking beautiful, but there was one thing missing.

"As gorgeous as you look in this, sweet girl, I wanna see those tits," Ray said gruffly and no sooner than he did, she scrambled to unfasten the corset and throw it to the side, but he stopped her, "fuckin' keep it on—that's it, push it down. Can't let you take this off, you pretty little thing, might just keep you in it permanently."

"You want the whole world to see me like this? Want them to see what's yours?" (y/n) asked, her eyes innocent but her smirk teasing as she carefully freed her chest of the lingerie, pushing the straps down her shoulders so the corset bunched around her tummy.

And then, unable to stop herself as his gaze impossibly darkened further, she reached forward for his hard length, giving it a teasing tug, licking her lips when a choked moan and stuttered thrust betrayed the control he loved to have. Thin ice.

"Dirty girl—" he snapped and brushed her hand away, although she didn't have to pout for long, "hands and knees, ass in the air for me."

A smile broke out on her when he flipped her over with ease and she scrambled to do as he said. Arching her back, she wiggled her hips for him, unashamedly presenting her needy cunt for him just as he'd asked. She looked over her shoulder so she could see his every twitch when shown the hole he was going to fuck raw.

"You ready for me, sweet girl? Ready for this cock that belongs to you?" Ray snarled, rubbing his dripping head from her clit to her entrance, coating himself in her slick. It was always a squeeze trying to get his fat cock in there but when he was finally balls deep, it was always worth the effort. She fit like a fucking glove, still tight as though he hadn't fucked her nearly every day since the day she said yes but it was definite that she was ruined for anyone else, almost moulded to fit him.

"Yes, so fucking ready...always," the woman whined, holding the thong to the side for dear life as he broke into her, splitting her apart inch by inch until he was at the hilt, balls pressed tightly to her clit as he gave her a moment to adjust to being so full.

"Fuck—fuck, you're always so tight, little one. Like you've never even been fucked—" he said throatily, snapping his hips into hers in small thrusts, trying to stay deep and go slow until he couldn't resist the temptation to go harder, faster, give her what she needed, "But we both know that's not true, right? We both know that you're not innocent."

It didn't even register in her mind that one hand had stopped kneading her jiggling ass until a loud crack broke through the symphony of flesh slapping flesh, grunts and quiet yelps. His hand came down hard on her right cheek and she clenched around him unintentionally, proving him right. She loved it, loved being his dirty little girl underneath her kind smiles and helpful nature, loved relinquishing her sharp mind to be his slut for hours on end.

Her arms collapsed as he kept up the relentless pace, cock being squeezed in a vice-like grip that had his vision clouding until nothing but her and his end were in mind. A soothing hand ran down her back and pushed her head into the mattress and she knew that he wanted her to stay down and keep showing him her pussy and allow him to fuck it how he wanted.

"Show me this pussy properly, darlin'. Y'know I love this getup but fuck—gotta see it," he rambled, clawing at the thong that was so small that it made fire lick up his spine, but it was in the way. He wanted her bare and shaking after weeks of nothing, so he reluctantly pulled out of her warmth for a brief moment and teased it over her ass. Frantically, her hands came up to her sides to help him yank to about mid-thigh, just enough for him to continue freely, but damn, if the sight of her didn't do something to him.

"Fuck..." he groaned lowly as he pushed back in and began a slow, deep pace, building up to what they'd been going at before when he felt a familiar urge come over him.

It was filthy, taboo, even wrong perhaps, something they'd joked about when drunk but never discussed because it was the thing for young couples to try out or pornstars to show off. Not something he'd ever expect a girl as sweet as her to consider or allow. This was his primal urge to bury deep down and keep to himself, but fuck, when she curved her back again to push her ass up further, he couldn't restrain himself.

His hand ghosted over her asscheek as it normally would, squeezing at her supple flesh as he rocked into her, balls slapping her clit as they swayed. And as his thumb pressed into the crevice, that's when it brushed over her forbidden, puckered rim. His abs tensed as he did, imagining what it would be like to fuck her there, not that he ever would because he respected her far too much, but he still gulped. Especially when she hummed a high-pitched whine and clenched the halo of muscle. Fuck...

"S-sorry, shit—shit, god, I...sorry—" he stumbled an apology, picking up her curiosity and interrupting it as discomfort or even fear. So, naturally, he backed off, stuttering his thrusts as he jerked his hand away like it had touched fire. He hoped that in the haze of pleasure, she'd forget about the slip-up--forget about how he almost lost it when he had both holes on show in the warm light, but how could she?

(y/n) swallowed thickly, having felt the minuscule touch and found herself...interested.

Ray had a list of kinks and preferences as long as her right leg three times over; he loved being on top but he also loved being ridden. He loved taking her anywhere, anytime. He loved using the filthiest, most vulgar dirty talk, and he adored making sure his partner felt safe.

But this—this was new and hell, he didn't need to be sorry or scared. She was up for trying anything with him once.

"No..no, s'okay, s'okay—you can touch it," she whispered and angled her hips backwards, pushing her pussy further down his length and also offering herself up. She wanted this, wanted to explore and try it out.

Ray almost fainted at her words, having anticipated silence or rejection but never acceptance and it broke the frayed thread that his self-control had been hanging onto. If the spank from earlier had been hard, this one was rough, harsh, brutal, sounding like lightning the moment his hand hit her ass because fuck; he knew she was filthy but not this filthy.

"Dirty—dirty fucking girl. Never thought you were such a filthy, cock-hungry—never thought you'd let me touch it," the hero punched out, his voice wrecked and gravelly and so damn hot. His pace increased to a soul-shattering bangbangbang, forcing the air from her lungs as he abused her slobbery cunt and more.

He traced over her back entrance, teasing it lightly, never using any pressure so she could get used to the sensation and he kept an eye on her every movement, looking for any sign that she didn't like it, but judging by how she seemed wetter than before and how she was whimpering and suffocating his cock, she needed more, not less.

"I'll let you do anything—anything—shit, you can put a finger in there if you want—" she offered, not expecting him to take her up on that offer because this was a new idea after all, but Ray...Ray thought he'd died and gone to heaven.

His hips slowed down and a hand cradled one side of her pelvis as the other ran up the curve of her cheek, trembling from how turned on he was. It truly was a miracle that he hadn't cum yet given how tight his balls felt but dear god, he was gonna hold off. Maybe for only five seconds or less, but he was gonna because his thumb was circling her asshole.

"Hottest girl I've seen, sweet girl, so damn sexy..." he muttered, thrust quickening to increase the pleasure as he pressed against the tight hole, breaking through the natural resistance until he was poking in, "Fuck—so tight, just like your pussy. You ever take it back here, sweetheart?"

There was a hesitant edge to his voice like he wasn't sure if he wanted to know the answer because it would mean that she'd once had a similar level of trust with someone else, but he couldn't help it. He had to know.

"N-no. Dre—some have tried but I would—wouldn't let them... I'd let you, though," she whispered as he suddenly slid all the way in, right down to the last knuckle until his thickest digit was buried deep inside of her. The impropriety of it was eating her up alive and she clenched, feeling deliciously stuffed full as his cock split her open and his thumb gave her something else to squeeze.

Ray was certain that he was moments away from orgasm, reeling from how...dirty it felt, how...right, not just from the image of fucking a hole that would be tighter than her tiny pussy but knowing that he was the only man she'd ever let near her—and he knew most of the men she'd dated, some more than others.

"That right? You'd let me fuck—let me fuck your tight, virgi—" He choked at the idea and slammed his hips into her ass jaggedly, feeling his thumb rub against those forbidden walls and a wave of panic washed over him when he felt his end appear on the horizon, hurtling towards him. No one else had ever made him cum uncontrollably but a squeeze of her core muscles and a grinding undulation of her hips to feel him brush up against her every wall and his hand was dashing to her clit to madly circle it.

"—Shit, shit—not gonna last, darlin'—need to cum in your pussy...can you cum on my cock?"

"Fuck, yes—gonna cum with your thumb so fucking deep and this perfect cock filling me up," (y/n) whined and began rocking backwards to meet his thrusts, not caring if her skin was sore from the constant slapping or if his fingers were sliding around her slick lips and frustrating her clit from the poor stimulation.

"F-fuck—-I love you—" was the last thing he said, garbled and stuck in his throat until he came with a devastatingly hoarse cry. Her pussy strangled his length as he made sure the snug fit couldn't be any closer and her body sucked him in when cum was pumped onto her walls as deep as it could go. The feeling of warmth flooding her womb caused her walls to flutter as she went over the edge too, rambling the phrase back as her cheek smushed against the mattress, body turning limp.

What felt like hours passed. Seconds, really, but eventually, Ray cleared the fuzziness in his mind, swept away the cobwebs and blink one, two, three times so he could see properly again. His sweet girl was slumped into the comforter, her body ready to fall if it wasn't for his brushing grip on her waist, which he instantly relinquished when he realised just how hard it was.

His thumb was slowly and gently removed from her second entrance, him being mindful of the pain of resistance now that they were coming down from their highs. A whimper left her mouth, probably unintentionally when it finally slipped free, and next came his cock. The moment the tip was away, he was quick to pull the thong up her thighs, intent on keeping his precious load in there for as long as possible, although he doubted it would stay with that string barely covering her folds.

And then, at last, she was released to snuggle into the bed, ass slumping with a bouncing crash. Her doofus returned from his dominant, dark side, keeping his sweet girl warm by cautiously spooning her. It was so cosy; her back was against his heaving chest as they laid there for a while before anyone spoke and when they did, it was his baritone in her ear.

"You okay?" Ray asked, his voice gruff but full of its usual goofy friendliness as he nuzzled into her neck and lovingly squeezed her breast—nothing sexual, just him holding whatever flesh he found.

"Yeah...that was intense," (y/n) replied, her voice also sounding raspy from the excessive screaming but still, she sounded happy as well. A content sigh left her lips as her eyes slid shut and although he didn't show it, she knew that the noise made him relax. Every time they tried something new, her lover always freaked out a little afterwards, but she was fine-- fucking blissed out, but how was he to know that?

"Yeah. Yeah, it was. Are you sure it was okay? It was...good?" Ever the worrier and people say she had problems with nerves.

"I would've told you if it wasn't, doofus. I loved it like always...just didn't know you were into butt stuff," the woman held a light tone, trying to not sound negative or anything like that because he was trying so hard to make sure she was comfortable, a trait that made her fall deeper in love with him when they first started fucking.

"Not massively but...yeah. I've only ever wanted to do it with you, no one else was ever—y'know—curious. But if that was enough for you then, that's fine, sweet girl. We can stick to lingerie and handcuffs if that's what you wa—"

"Raymond, hush," she rolled in his arms until she was on her back and he was on his side looking down over her. Her poor lip was back between her teeth as their faces stayed close, noses brushing as her hand came up to lace their fingers together because they were in this together, after all, comfort came for both parties. "The lingerie is definitely staying since nothing gets you harder—"

"Seeing you naked gets me just as hard, sweetheart." Cocky bastard. Where was the fun in that? It was true that if she came out of the bathroom, fresh from the shower without a towel, he'd be all over her like a rash with any excuse to grope her but she enjoyed dressing up and waiting for him more than a surprise pouncing. She was a patient lady and the real fun happened when the roles were reversed and he was her prey.

"Whatever, you dork. My point is that I meant what I said. I'll let you do anything and that includes fucking me there too. As long as you don't forget my pussy when you do." An irresistible offer by all accounts and Ray's smirk grew in tandem with hers as her words sunk in. His perfect girl; sweet angel and little devil rolled into one.

"Don't think I'll ever forget this pussy, sweet girl. Not ever," he whispered his reply before placing his lips delicately on hers, his hand sliding down to rest over the lace bunched across her stomach to remind her that he never lost sight of what he adored.

The moment was peaceful. Tongues explored their mouths and tastes, remapping known territory lazily as they basked in their mid-afternoon, post-sex glow...right up until a rumble across his palm reminded them that it had been a good fifteen hours since they last ate. And the protector couldn't have his future wife hungry.

"What was that you said about pancakes earlier?" (y/n) asked as he pulled back with an amused smile, her wide-eyed, innocent look returning that had his cock twitching at the thought of them staring up from between his legs as she sucked—no, they were not doing this again. Down, boy.

"Stay here, darling. I'll go make some," he promised her, pressing a kiss to her forehead as he untangled their lips and reluctantly rolled off the bed to find wherever he tossed his jeans last night when they fell into bed exhausted. Ray only bothered to tighten the belt after yanking them up, even forgoing underwear since he'd strip out of them and into fresh laundry when he returned with a tray of enough food to feed an army.

First, he just had to make sure she was fed first because it was his instinct to. After all, this was merely practice for when they finally owned that quiet house with nice views, windows, a front door, a porch and a backyard, although he hoped that by then, they'd only be exhausted from running around after a few children.

*welp. that was a thing. i hope the more adventurous types enjoyed that, i did tbh. it's nice to do something different but from this moment forth, WE ARE SAFE AGAIN. fear not, the light will return and maybe even Ray's interest in "stuff "👀*

"Mmmm, god, these are good," (y/n) moaned as she shovelled mouthful after mouthful of fluffy pancakes and toppings into her face. Technically speaking, they were Ray's famous mancakes, fresh from the pan and made tall with all manners of syrups, fruits and chocolate chips.

She was certain that there was way too much for one person on her plate but saw it as a personal challenge to finish the lot since it had been her doofus who'd made them just for her and it's not like she could feed him. He'd eat the odd mouthful she offered him, but how could he take food out of his starving girl's mouth? That was unthinkable.

"Keep making sounds like that and I'll make sure they taste even better, sweet girl," the hero smirked as he placed his plate on the couch table and came to slide in next to her. In the time it had taken the pancakes to cook, he'd gotten properly dressed and she'd replaced her slightly wrecked, definitely crumpled ensemble with simple cotton shorts and one of his huge t-shirts, stating that crime was low that day and it was not like they had places to be other than the Man Cave, so comfy-casual it was.

Plus, Ray was a sucker for his sweet girl in his clothes, so he was happy to let her wander around taking in the beauty that was his fiancée, happy in their home with the food he'd made her, ready for a chill day.

And she hadn't followed his command of staying in bed, far from it; after ten minutes of scrolling through her phone, answering texts, emails and checking trashy news sites, she'd grown bored of the bedroom and wandered through to the kitchen to find her doofus cooking up a storm. He pouted when she hugged him from behind, saying that he wanted to make his beautiful future wife brunch in bed, but one comment about how she felt lonely apart from him and he was sold.

They'd danced in the refrigerator light and said good afternoon to a smug Schwoz, who looked like the cat who got the cream for some reason until he made some reference to the entire hideout shaking from the way Ray fu—he was lucky he didn't get a punch to the teeth for that. So, now, they were in the main room, set to wait until they were needed, which meant an afternoon for movies. Or so (y/n) thought.

"Come between me and my pancakes and we will be at war, doofus," she giggled and pointed her fork in his direction with the best serious face she could muster. No one could ruin this for her, but it was impossible to glare at him for so long when he was such a dork with his floppy hair, so a smile soon cracked the seriousness.

"I surrender, baby. You can keep the pancakes if it means I get a kiss," Ray fluttered his eyelashes like the lovable idiot he was and grinned when she quickly kissed him without hesitation, leaving the taste of honey and syrup to linger on his lips. The sweetness was enough to satisfy him for a while and as Schwoz pottered around the room, calibrating and tinkering, they fell into easy conversation, talking about anything and everything just as they had always been able to.

It wasn't until they were on their last pancake each that (y/n) said something that broke the peace and caused the universe to shift in a way that she could never have predicted. After all, who cared that much about moustaches?

"Hey, you know Jasper?"

"Yes, unfortunately, I know Jasper," Ray replied through a mouthful of pancake, his tone turning dark at the mention of the boy he loved to dislike. It wasn't even dislike at this point, it was just how their relationship functioned, but nevertheless, it made her roll her eyes.

"Whatever, doofus. Anyway, apparently, according to Charlotte, he grew a moustache when he was in Idaho," the heroine told him, not thinking anything of it since it was Jasper they were talking about and males grew facial hair every day, it's not like it was a new phenomenon. So, it wasn't until the clattering of Ray's fork on his plate that she looked up and saw her lover's wide-eyed, dare she say awed expression, complete with a trembling bottom lip. Was it something she said?

"What? Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Jasper, as in the Jasper, our Jasper, grew a moustache?" Ray blinked a few times and his hand came to circle his wrist in a firm grip. It wasn't enough to hurt but it captured her attention completely and (y/n) frowned at his strangely over-the-top reaction.

"Uh, yeah... I mean, I know it's weird because he was gone less than a week and one minute, they're our babies, collecting buckets and doing stupid stuff to impress girls, and the next, they're pubescent teenagers on the verge of adulthood and they have facial hair, but—"

In all honesty, (y/n) could feel herself tearing up a bit at the thought of the teens growing up so suddenly because it had only felt like yesterday since they were still proper children. Now, they were grown, ready for their own lives and it's not like she was stupid—it had always been on the cards that they'd move on and become independent at some point but since when did she care like a mother losing her children? Someone needed to pass her a tissue but by the time she looked up, Ray was scrambling off the couch.

The last scraps of his breakfast were left to go cold when he rushed to the holo-caller as if his life depended on it. His very confused fiancée watched with knitted eyebrows as he punched in the code for Henry's watch and impatiently waited for the kid to pick up. No, no, it was fine, she wasn't sniffling over the idea of losing three family members because of life's natural flow, everything was good. At least she could distract herself when the boy finally picked up, looking all tall, and handsome and grown up.

"Hey, what's up, man? We've got a little bit of a situation here—" Henry answered rather quickly, not at all phased by how excitable his boss seemed. After the disastrous afternoon he'd had, he wasn't in the mood for quick chitchat but there was something about the art of growing hair on their faces that made men go nuts.

"(y/n) told me Jasper has a moustache now. Lemme see it!" The hero exclaimed excitedly, not even picking up on the boy's hurried tone. (y/n) perked at the mention of the situation, wondering what the hell it could mean and found herself wandering from the couch and over to the machine, dipping in and out of frame as Ray shuffled from one foot to the other.

"Yeah. Jasper, come here," the kid looked at his friend and upon hearing his name, Jasper stepped across Henry's bedroom and smiled at Ray's grainy little body.

Immediately, the hero laughed and clapped his hands in amazement, thinking that for once in his life, the weirdo was actually the coolest of his employees. He was a man who needed to be clean-shaven nearly all of the time and it was always thrilling to witness the power of testosterone pumping through a boy's veins to give him body hair. Definitely thrilling.

"Aw, Captain Man, that's a sweet 'stache! Sweet girl, have you seen Jasper's moustache?! Isn't it great?"

"Are you kidding me?!" Charlotte facepalmed at her boss' reaction, sounding like she had something in her mouth but (y/n) ignored it as she analysed his facial hair and came to the conclusion that yep, that thing right there, that was a moustache. Hair. On his lip. Good stuff. The professor was in the house tonight.

"Yeah, awesome... Sorry, doofus, I can't lie to you, it's just a moustache. What's so great about it?"

"Thank you, (y/n/n)! At last, someone has sense!" The woman's confused face put Charlotte at ease for the first time that night. Ever since Jasper had walked through the door and interrupted her and Henry's study session, it had seemed like the entire universe loved it. Henry, Piper, the police, everyone gave it high praise for reasons unknown to her, so it was nice to find a common ally. Ray, however, was unfazed by their unity and still sat happily on the opposite side of the fence.

"Schwoz, I just saw Jasper's 'stache! It's sweet!"

"Raymond, I have ears!" (y/n) winced as her doofus bellowed unnecessarily to the genius across the room, who quickly downed tools to scurry over and see this mythical creature for himself. Henry rolled his eyes at how his boss reacted and at how he didn't hesitate in bringing his sweet girl into a side hug as a subconscious apology, but it was the suddenly very crowded holo-call that took the biscuit.

"You like?" Jasper asked, stroking his upper lip with a smarmy expression.

"Yeah! That is a very manly lip schweater!" Schwoz nodded enthusiastically, the same wonderstruck look on his face as Ray, who was near the point of drooling as if he had his lover stood in front of him wearing his favourite dress on her. Their eyes were fixated, unable to look away as the girls' eyes met through the digital divide and it was like they shared the same thought at the same time.

"Has the whole world gone crazy?"

"Apparently so, yes..." (y/n) wrinkled her nose and shrugged, not at all impressed that her romantic breakfast—lunch—dinner—had been left for something as trivial as a moustache. She was also kicking herself for not getting dressed properly earlier as now that she wasn't being chased around the kitchen by Ray and a handful of pancake batter, the chilly AC of the Man Cave was giving her the shivers. The cotton t-shirt and shorts combo had been a mistake, so had forgoing socks and the mention of sweaters was a cruel tease.

"Crazy for Jasper's 'stache! You're getting a raise, buddy."

"Yes!" For Jasper, winning his boss' approval was a dream come true and it was certain that Ray was deadly serious. But, it wasn't just impressive that he'd forgotten about their love-hate relationship so easily, the way he seemed to sense his fiancé's discomfort was straight-up uncanny.

Without looking down, it was like he could sense her goosebumps and unashamedly wrapped himself around her in a bear hug; long arms brought warmth to her body as they crossed her chest and the heroine sighed contently at the heat from having him pressed against her. That was better but not for long.

"Look, later on, we can all give some love to Jasper's lip sweater," Henry butted in, sounding a little too serious for (y/n)'s nerves. He was one of the lads, shouldn't he have been acting like a child too? And yet, as ever, Ray didn't pick up on any tenseness, he merely made plans to worship the little patch of fuzz as he'd worshipped his sweet girl that morning because both were a thing of beauty to be revered.

"Can and will!"

"Right now, we got a problem, okay? 'Cause Piper's talking bird found out that I'm Kid Danger, so now, we're hiding it in my closet so it doesn't tell the secret to everybody in Swellview!" The boy blurted out, spilling every last bean to his boss because he'd learned on every past occasion that lying about things like this made everything worse.

Look, it wasn't his fault, technically, it was Charlotte's. When Piper brought her class parrot home, she'd warned them that it was capable of mimicking sounds, so the girl just had to open her mouth and say the dumbest phrase in the history of dumb phrases, leaving them with a massive problem on their hands. And to think, Ray and (y/n)'s afternoon had been so pleasant.

"You got yourself into quite a pickle, my friend!" Ray chuckled, although he was more nervous than amused. Releasing a sigh, (y/n) massaged her temples and tried to take in as much comfort as she could from the idiot behind her to try and fight the migraine she knew was coming. Accidents would happen but for once, she wanted one day off without some form of disaster falling into her lap, be it professional or personal. Would that be too much to ask?

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, here's what I'm thinking," Henry said, having had time to think long and hard about their plan of action, "all right, I'm going to go to a pet store. I'm gonna find a bird that looks exactly like the one that—"

"Ehhhh, that's stupid," the large man floating above his wrist replied dryly, not even letting him finish because it was that bad. Messing about trying to find an identical bird was dumb and a waste of time, which they didn't have since Piper was already in a tizz over losing her parrot and understandably, it was only a matter of hours until her search party took it into their heads to start sniffing around Henry's room.

"Okay..."

"What you need is a bird clone," Ray suggested instead. He was a strong believer in the idea that science could solve every problem on Earth and even though he didn't understand how it worked, he employed two people who did. Well, he was in love with one of them, but she'd do it as a freebie since she couldn't resist his cute face. For the teens, though, that sounded like madness.

"What?" "Can you two clone a bird?" Ray ignored Henry, looking at Schwoz for a second before nuzzling his nose into (y/n)'s hair and ear, planting a kiss on her cheek just for the hell of it.

"Yah."

"Well, identical cellular reduplication isn't my strong point but in theory—"

"They can clone a bird," Ray confirmed to Henry, not wanting to hear one word of his sweet girl being unsure. It would be fine, he trusted her when it came to smart things and it's not like she'd be doing this alone. If anything, she'd be more like an assistant to Schwoz since biology wasn't her specialist science and whatever the outcome, he'd proud of her anyway, whether they made a monster or a bird.

"What do you need? A feather?"

"Yah."

"Anything containing genetic material, really. But a feather's good," (y/n) nodded, feeling a little uneasy at the idea of her first cloning experiment. There was the unethical side of it, the danger, the possibility of something going wrong, the pressure and the need for perfection to worry about but apart from that, this was a learning opportunity and from the very best, no less. After all, Schwoz had cloned many things over the years, including some things that were better left unspoken about.

"They need a feather," the hero instructed his sidekick, who couldn't that the team was about to do this, but what choice did he have? Face his sister's wrath and risk his identity being revealed? That was off the table, so it had to be a cloning job. He just hoped Schwoz and (y/n) knew what they were doing.

"We can get a feather."

"Great. You bring us a feather, Schwoz and (y/n) clone a new bird, that don't know nothin' from nothin', we kill the old one, swap in the new one, badda-boom, badda-bing, me, my sweet girl, Schwoz and Jasper go to the batting cages," Ray made it sound so easy...and horrible. Everything apart from the killing part was perfect; it wasn't the parrot's fault that it had heard something that shouldn't have been said in the first place, so murdering it was just cruel.

"Yes!"

"No! Raymond, we are not killing the poor bird!" The girl in his arms scolded him, trying to be firm even though she had no idea where the old parrot would go. It was kinda difficult, though, what with her flaming cheeks and everything.

In her experience, a trip to the batting cages often meant leaving Schwoz, and now the lucky Jasper, to hit baseballs into the night whilst he dragged her off to one of the secluded, shady corners so they could make out like teenagers. It was never about the sport, it was about getting her alone in such a risqué place and pressing her into a wire until she saw stars, so the sooner they cleared this mess, the better.

Hey, no one ever said she wasn't a teenager too.

"But sweet girl..."

"Yeah, let's not kill the old one," Henry joined her argument, not wanting to hurt Otto the class pet, but it was a big mistake cutting into the longing gaze of a man and his fiancé.

"Potahto, potato, just bring us a feather."

"It's potato, potahto," the boy corrected him, earning himself yet another glare for being pedantic. Ray was a master with words, often getting them muddled in his head, so he didn't appreciate it when he was mocked for getting one tiny detail wrong, especially from a kid who he was trying to help.

"Potahto, potato, potato, patahto, just bring us a feather, you spicy tomato!" He snapped and left it to Schwoz and (y/n) to wave goodbye to the kid as he stomped off to go and pick at his pancake leftovers. They were slightly soggy by now and chilled from the cool air, but still sweet enough to soothe his anger, or maybe it was the way he could stab his fork into them that was therapeutic, who knows?

Either way, the real stress relief came from the angel who floated over with her learned calmness, being the only thing that could ever truly make him feel better.

"Y'know, one of these days, we're gonna have a day where nothing goes wrong..." (y/n) sighed and sat on the edge of the couch's back, hands resting on his shoulders. They began to massage away the knots that lay beneath his skin, thumbs drawing tight circles in thick muscle and Ray groaned at the pressure. His head lolled back as the pancakes were forgotten again, no doubt those remnants were destined for the incinerator now that she had his full attention and loving gaze.

"One of these days, I might just marry you and we can go live someplace where no one will bother us," he replied softly and her heart squeezed at the sudden turn from her lighthearted joke. He'd never leave Swellview behind, not until he was certain that there was someone to take his place but the notion made her smile all the same. Peace would be a change, but maybe not an unwelcome one.

"Careful, doofus. Offer to elope again and I might just take you up on it."

"We could. Doesn't have to be much, just enough to let me call you my wife," Ray whispered, hand coming up to lay on top of hers on his shoulder so he could feel her engagement ring, present on her finger like always. He knew she wanted a wedding, but god, the thought of finally having someone make it official sounded so damn good. If she was his wife in his heart, what difference did it make? He'd take her either way.

"Sounds nice, but it'll be worth the wait, Ray," (y/n) whispered, swallowing the lump that formed in her throat as she denied him what he sorely wanted. She'd marry him even if it killed her and maybe some part of her wanted to be married so badly that eloping had crossed her mind, only to be shot down.

They'd regret it in the end, that she was sure of, and whilst she didn't have many fears for the future, regretting marrying the love of her life was one of them. She never wanted him to be sick of the sight of her, so a wedding day it was, even if they still had nothing ten months down the line. "I promise."

Ray said nothing and they went back to an easy silence as they waited for the feather delivery. He'd hold her to that promise but he knew he wouldn't have to. His girl was worth waiting for.

~An hour later~

"Come on, come on, come on, come on, pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up," Henry said under his breath as the annoying drill of his PearPhone's dialling tone rang in his ear. It was safe to say that his situation had gone from bad to worse after Charlotte collected one of Otto's feathers and now, he wasn't just facing his sister's weather but the entire neighbourhood's.

He didn't understand why there was such a big fuss over one bird. Otto was just like any other parrot but there was a police presence in his house, a prayer vigil outside his door, and a man wanting to hunt down the bird with a snake, which would end badly he just knew it, and he started to panic about the mob growing on his porch. Just because they were peaceful now didn't mean they wouldn't lynch him when they found out about how he was the birdnapper, the one they'd been praying for.

So, the kid was desperate for any news from the Man Cave, where Charlotte had scurried off to with the feather once she'd been grilled by the cops and their pathetic sketch artist. Of course, in the hideout, things were progressing quite well, Schwoz and (y/n) were on the ball, cloning away, Ray was sitting on the couch staring dreamily at his sweet girl as she floated around the place and Charlotte was waiting for the moment the cake was out of the oven. So to speak.

"Hey, Henry. What's up?" She answered in a semi-chirpy tone that grated against her friend's sour mood.

"Hey, did Schwoz and (y/n) clone a new Otto yet?" Henry asked, praying that they already had a new bird ready to be substituted in. He couldn't hide in his bedroom forever; eventually, the birdman and his snake would come sniffing (do snakes sniff?), and then, they'd find their prize stashed in his closet. And that would be game over.

"Uh, hang on," Charlotte told him and looked over at her fellow smarties as they poked around with science that was beyond her education, "Are we close?"

"I think so..." "He just needs a couple more minutes," they answered. Honestly, (y/n) wasn't that good at cloning...or anything to do with biology but she saw it this way. Otto's DNA, the stuff they'd pulled from the feather, was like cake batter and all they were doing was shoving it in a very special oven, turning up the heat and waiting for the cake to rise. Any deviation from that plan would ruin the cake...or something to that metaphor.

"They say we're close." "All right, well, tell Schwoz and (y/n) to hurry up because there's a bird-sniffing snake on its way and they're gonna find Otto in my closet and they're gonna hear—" Henry panicked and opened his closet door to reveal the little red bird still sat on its perch, only this time, it didn't say it's favourite phrase, much to everyone's surprise.

"The moon landing was fake!" It said in its helium-like chirp and for a glorious moment, Henry thought their problems were over because hallelujah, it didn't say his biggest secret.

"Hey, wait a second, Otto's stopped saying that—" "Henry is Kid Danger!" Charlotte cringed as she heard the shrill squawk of the parrot, that hadn't learnt to say something new.

"Dang it!" For a moment there, the boy had thought that Otto could be returned to Piper with no worries because if he didn't say the K-D word, then everything was fine. Or not. He just had to go and spoil it.

"Well, why can't you sneak Otto outta the house before the bird-sniffing snake even gets there?" Charlotte questioned, wondering what was stopping her friend from leaving before he got caught. In the background, she was trying to ignore how her boss was giving her friend goo-goo eyes, turning her back on him so she didn't have to see him blow a kiss only for her to sweetly catch it. If Henry thought he had it bad, she had it worse.

"Because my house is surrounded by people holding up picks of candles on their phones and donating to Piper's GoFundYourself account. I need a new bird!" He snapped in reply and angrily ended the call. His voice was so harsh that it even broke Ray out from his (y/n)-induced haze to make him frown at the racket. What could the kid possibly be worried about that it meant he had to stop staring at his fiancée's pretty face, hips....butt?

"Henry says you gotta hurry up and clone a new Otto!" Charlotte told the genius and his assistant as she shoved her phone in her back pocket and gave them a firm stare. Ray stood up from the couch and wandered over, seeing that things were starting to get exciting but for all the glares in the world, perfection couldn't be rushed. Did she want the cake to sink if they opened the oven door too quickly? Did she want Otto to be a mutant freak?

"Okay..." Schwoz shared a chuckle with (y/n) before looking at the girl kindly...and rolling his eyes a bit at how Ray leaned over to cup the woman's cheeks for a quick smooch, "Anytime you say hurry up and clone, that's when the mistakes happen."

"But it's safe, right? Like you two've cloned stuff before?" "Well, personally, no, but Schwoz has a lot of experience...and by the way, you need to get some antiseptic on those scratches," (y/n) replied truthfully before commenting on the frankly awful injuries that Charlotte had sustained after fighting Otto for a feather. They looked particularly sore but nothing that wouldn't heal fine without a little care and attention, but it was the clone that Charlotte was bothered about, not the state of her face. It was a good thing that Schwoz had been practising for years, more than anyone was aware of.

"Schwoz?" "Yeah, I've cloned myself—" he said when the girl looked at him, spilling the secret that he promised he would never let loose because he knew that it would piss Ray off. After all, it would piss (y/n) off. Cloning people was unethical and irresponsible in her eyes and once she told her lover that, it would be bye-bye cloning machine for him, so he resolved to keep it quiet so he could have lots of little helpers about the place. "I mean...I, myself, have cloned many things that are not me!"

Looking at him suspiciously, the little man's friend's lined up to stare at him judgementally, (y/n) stepping next to Ray so she could analyse his facial features. She knew a liar when she saw one but how was she supposed to prove that with no proof? Schwoz was very careful with his clones and so, they were never caught. Not yet anyway.

"Schwoz, did you clone yourself?" Ray asked, his arm sliding around his girl's waist as he stared down at his handyman. He was the boss, so he had a right to know what was going on in his Man Cave, right? It was bad enough dealing with one Schwoz, let alone, two or three or five or ten yet he didn't know that those other Schwozs were the reason that so much stuff got done around the place.

"Ummmm, noooo...." "Yeah, see, the way you're saying ummmm, noooo, makes me think you really have cloned yourself," Charlotte told him, seeing straight through that fake innocence and folding her arms. She knew something was going on, she wasn't stupid, but perhaps all three of them were deaf and blind because as they stared down the original, low and behold, a clone Schwoz snuck through the secret door.

He happily waddled into the main room as he snacked on an apple. Clone Schwoz had no idea what was going on with his boss and friends but Real Schwoz wasn't about to let their secret be revealed.

"Yeah, that's what I'm thinking too. The long no makes it seem like he's lying, right?" (y/n) looked up at her doofus and then at Charlotte, both of whom agreed that Schwoz was talking out of his ass. However, they were so busy debating whether he was or not, that they didn't see the second genius slope off when urged to by his counterpart, who thanked his lucky stars that they didn't look at him or behind them.

"Oh, totally, sweet girl. The short no is always true. The long no, that means he's lying," Ray pointed out, too wrapped up in the loving gaze of his fiancée and how it made his insides feel warm and fuzzy to notice the sound of the door opening and closing again. Rather, the only thing that was capable of breaking their trance-like staring was the ding of Schwoz's Clone-u-Lator, which he assumed meant something had happened.

"Oh, good! The clone is done! Everyone can move on!" Schwoz exclaimed and rushed to open the door of the machine. Talk about saved by the bell or the ding or the machine, whatever, he was saved. For now...

"Yeah, sure..." (y/n) gave him a pointed look and tucked away a small thought about investigating his lab in her mind. He might have thought he'd gotten away with it, but she'd get him one day and everything would become clear. Y'know, the day they didn't have a mouthy parrot to deal with.

Slowly, Schwoz opened the door on his cloning device and there, sitting on the small perch, was a parrot. And not just any parrot. It had a red and brown plumage, a glossy black beak, beady eyes and every claw on its foot; the perfect clone of the bird Charlotte had left in Henry's closet after wrestling for one of its feathers. She had to give it to the genius, the likeness was uncanny and it was a weight off her shoulders as Otto Two hopped out of the chamber.

"Oh, wow!" "Ooooohhh!" "He looks exactly like Otto!" Ray exclaimed as (y/n) grinned at their handiwork, happy to admit that most of it had been Schwoz just so she could admire him more. As he sat there on Schwoz's wrist, Otto squeaked happily and she would swear that it was the same bird if she didn't know better, so switching them would be fine and Piper would never know the difference.

"Yah, that's the point, schweetheart," Schwoz replied to Ray sarcastically and the man's face fell into a grumpy frown. There was only one person who was allowed to call him that and she never used such a bitter tone. Stupid clever people and their smugness.

"Hey, it's exactly the same in every way?" Charlotte asked, wanting to make sure that there was no stray feather or distinction that would make Piper smell a rat. She loved that bird and so did the rest of her class, so there couldn't be anything wrong.

"Mmm, pretty much. It just hasn't learned to say Henry is Kid Danger," Schwoz said, pointing out the key difference that was sure to save them. But, as per the universe's unfair way, the moment he said that forbidden phrase, Otto Two learned what they'd been trying to avoid. He should've kept his mouth shut, what did he think would happen?

"Henry is Kid Danger! Henry is Kid Danger!" Otto Two squawked and the four felt their stomachs drop. As Ray, Charlotte and (y/n) glared at him, Schwoz's gaze dropped to the floor as his cheeks flamed red, embarrassed that he'd said something so stupid when they didn't have much time and now, their saviour was their new executor. Not such a genius, after all.

"Nice going, schweetheart...." Ray quipped dryly and gave his handyman and cold look as he sheepishly handed the bird over to (y/n) for her to hold. He'd have to start again, that bird was now tainted with that phrase and wouldn't unlearn it, so they'd just have to keep baking until they got it right, which would be fun and easy and stress-free.

"Well, what are we supposed to do with this one?—All right, we get it, feathers," (y/n) asked as Schwoz quickly thumbed a few buttons and slammed the door shut on the cloning device, smiling at her nervously as the parrot bobbed its head and said Henry is Kid Danger, Henry is Kid Danger a million more times. She wasn't one for birds, rabbits, yes, dogs, definitely, but not parrots, they flapped and squawked and were so damn annoying, especially the talking ones, so what were they supposed to do with the spare?

Releasing it was one idea, but that would mean Otto Two would blab his beak all over town and every Henry in the land would be hunted down. One of these days, she'd swing for Schwoz.

"Pluck it, roast it, stick it in a pot pie!" Ray smiled at her and began sizing the creature up for his dinner, which earned him a few mortified looks from his sweet girl and friends. Parrot pot pie? They weren't even sure if that was legal and more to the point, why would he want to eat the poor thing? The wasn't even enough meat on him for a full meal and everyone knows that Ray always ordered enough for two, just in case he could share with his dearest fiancée.

"Raymond! We are not eating Otto!...Or his little Ottolets!" "But baby—" "No buts! Someone call Henry, see what's happening with him and that snake man," (y/n) put her finger on Ray's lips to silence him before looking at Charlotte, who nodded wordlessly and began scrolling through her phone. The boy was probably getting worried since they'd said they'd be over any minute, fifteen minutes ago. It wasn't their fault that Otto Two had gone wrong, it was Schwoz's, so due to that technical hitch, they had to start again and in the hurry, they'd forgotten to broadcast that update. Oops.

Charlotte paced impatiently as her phone tried to connect to Henry's and in the meantime, Ray pecked at the finer on his lips, moving down to her engagement ring, her palm and then, on the pulse point of her wrist. (y/n) was giving him a faux-annoyed look as she tried to juggle the bird and his advances, but that morphed into a smile when he leaned down for a proper kiss. Looking at them through his eyelashes, Schwoz scoffed and watched his invention impatiently, wishing it could go faster without ruining the process.

"Henry! Hey, we—" the girl exclaimed when she finally got through to her friend and in her haste, she didn't give him a chance to say hello. But Henry was quick to speak first because, in the brief time since their last con-flab, shit had hit the fan at his house.

"Hey, what the holdup?! The bird-sniffing snake is here!" He asked impatiently, worry coating his every word. The man who'd brought the snake was thankfully a massive gunch and as such, was too busy showing off and hyping the crowd to get straight down to business, so nothing had happened. Yet. That snake was practically begging to be let out and Piper was getting antsy and shouty and dear god, his nerve was beginning to slip from the stress it was under.

"Yeah, we had a little problem with the first clone—" Charlotte told him nervously and tried to mask that to no success. She wasn't inspiring much confidence in the boy, but just as she started speaking, the oven went ding, indicating that Otto Three was ready to go. Maybe this time, they'd have more success. "But the new-new clone is done and we're leaving right now."

"Right, no one say the word and we'll just back away to the elevator slowly..." (y/n) said quietly, pretending to put her hand over Otto Two's ears so he couldn't hear the plan and possibly spoil it. They all nodded solemnly and Schwoz carefully opened the machine to reveal yet another perfect Otto, one that hadn't been corrupted yet.

"Wait, wait...what was the problem with the first clone?" Henry asked as the party carried on outside his front door. He couldn't help it if he was curious and neither could Charlotte help it if she wanted to be honest. A little too honest, which led to being forgetful and loose-lipped.

"Schwoz said, Henry is Kid Danger, in front of it and—" "Henry is Kid Danger! Henry is Kid Danger! Henry is Kid Danger!" she explained, thinking nothing of her mistake until it was too late. Otto Three hadn't even made it out of the box when he started chirping her exact words, which were very attractive for a copycat parrot. As with Schwoz, she suddenly felt very stupid and knew that her ears and cheeks were growing warm as her friends' eyes twitched and their faces fell.

"Oh, come on! I literally said don't say it!" (y/n) cried in frustration and her hands raised to pull her hair as Otto Two flapped off to join his twin in their annoying symphony. Now that one was saying it, the other couldn't resist and it was certain that what should've been simple was gonna take a while.

"We'll call you back," Charlotte said to Henry with a sigh and much to the boy's reluctance and maybe fear, the call was ended. Come on, he was on the verge of being hung, drawn and quartered, what were they playing at? It's not like cloning a parrot is difficult.

~Half an hour later~

So he thought. Henry was beside himself at the house as he waited for his dumb boss and dumb friends to get to his dumb self but as the seconds ticked by, he was starting to lose hope. He had no idea what was keeping them and it was starting to look like he'd just have to be murdered by the prayer vigil because help wasn't coming from the Man Cave.

By Otto Number Five, even Ray, (y/n), Charlotte and Schwoz were losing patience. Every time a bird had come out, that which must not be said was spoken and they had to start all over again. It was annoying but manageable when it was their fault, like when the heroine said it when she thought Otto Four was still cooking but when the birds themselves started squawking it like everything was one big game, things were starting to become unbearable.

As they waited for Otto Six, they were praying that they all stayed silent. It was quite a collection now, all five were lined up on the computer monitors, looking down on the scene as if they were waiting to say something to piss the humans off, and of course, they chose their moment when their new friend—brother—self dinged to be done.

Absolute silence. With their fingers on their lips, the group held their breath as Schwoz opened the door, wanting Otto Six to not hear anything to do with Captain Man or Kid Danger or Miss Danger, so it was easier to just say nothing, apart from the odd parrot squeak. The door inched open and there he was, as perfect as the other five, totally pristine and innocent as he was lifted out, onto Ray's hand and into a new world where nothing could go wrong and no one could teach him anything because no one was saying wor—

"Henry is Kid Danger!" Otto Two or maybe it was Four chirped as they snuck towards the elevator and with panic flashing on their faces, the four ran to the elevator, (y/n) almost pushing Ray over in their mad dash. Perhaps if they got him in there quick enough, he wouldn't hear what his predecessors were saying and it would all be okay...

"Henry is Kid Danger!" Too late. The elevator door didn't open quick enough and as Ray rapidly tapped the button, Six opened his beak and let loose the four most annoying words in the human-bird language. Above the repeated Henry this, Henry that, some several shouts and groans bordered agony as they turned on their heels to reset the cloning device for the seventh time and for the man-child of the Man Cave, it was difficult to stay calm.

"Shut up! Shut up all of you! Why?! Whhhhyyyy?!" Ray glared at the parrots and squashed the urge to launch the one that sat on his fingers at them. His sweet girl would never forgive him if he did that and besides, he had her shoulder to sob into angrily as she came to hug away the pain, mumbling something about calming down, being better than a temper tantrum and plucking, roasting and Potpie-ing them later.

"Hurry up, Schwoz! Henry is freaking out!!" Charlotte exclaimed as Schwoz muddled through their seventh attempt at cloning Otto. She didn't want to rush the genius or his experiment since (y/n) had told her that shit goes wrong when you try to botch science, but for once, she was rushing.

Halfway through the baking process, she'd received an incoming flurry of texts from her friend ranging from asking where they were to ones of a more dramatic nature. Namely, that Henry thought he was gonna die or something to that effect, which meant that it was imperative that this time, they got it right and quick, but Schwoz wasn't a man to be hurried, not when said hurrying could have disastrous results.

I told you! When you hurry the cloning process, that's when you get a lot of problems!" He tried to tell her but for Ray, excuses were pathetic because Captain Man and Miss Danger had a date with returning a lost bird to a little girl and they couldn't do that if they had no bird.

"We are out of time! Just give me something, anything that looks like a bird!" "Yeah, Schwoz, I know it's a bad idea, but just give us a bird!" The couple hissed, feeling itchy to get moving as they were already so late and on the verge of Henry having a heart attack or never forgiving them or both. She was the semi-scientist, she knew the risks but even so, she was willing to cut a few corners if it meant they could leave sooner. After all, it couldn't be that bad, right?

"Fine!" Not wanting to be badgered anymore, the genius shrugged his shoulders and stopped the timer early, bringing forth the ding a good five minutes early. "He's not ready yet but here's your bird!" Schwoz glared and opened the door, knowing exactly what they were gonna face but he wanted to prove to them that he didn't make this science stuff up. Bad things genuinely did happen when you ignored Schwozie.

"Oh!" "Argh!" "Sweet cheese!" As the door opened, the unsuspecting trio were expecting to see a slightly ruffled Otto Seven, maybe with a funny eye or something like that, but oh no. Dear, sweet lord, no. (y/n) jumped back into Ray's arms and they clung to each other for dear life, much like the thing in the machine was as it trembled on the little perch.

In the box, was a mutant freak; the parrot had very few feathers left, kinda like he'd been shaved, and he was hunched over with scabby skin and a funny, crazed look to him that made them feel so sorry for whatever chromosomes and genes he was missing. Otto Seven was half the Otto the other six were and (y/n) and Charlotte felt like monsters for opening the door too early, but Ray...he didn't see that big a problem.

"Eh, I can sell it," he shrugged, angling the parrot between his hands and deciding that yeah, he looked horrible but at the end of the day, that was still a bird and the beloved Captain Man could tell the people anything and they'd believe him. After all, he had done them a favour by saving what was left of him, surely a scabby Otto was better than no Otto at all. "Come on, sweet girl..."

"But—but—the—doofus—we—huh?" (y/n) stammered as he took the bird and her hand, guiding her towards the elevator as she failed to articulate what she wanted to say. What did she want to say? The bird? Him? Her? Piper? She honestly didn't know what was happening as Charlotte scurried behind them without hesitation. She wasn't going to miss this for the world, the big moment when Captain Man handed Miss Piper Hart half the bird she originally took home, would be a tragedy to behold.

But not half the tragedy of Henry getting his head ripped off if they handed over nothing more than Miss Danger's wobbly apologies.

~Henry's house~

It was all going at the kid's place.

Piper was sitting on an upside-down bucket as she watched the snake guy wow the crowd by swinging his bag about, enjoying how their voices went low and high whenever the big and its dangerous contents did. He'd been doing that for ages, goaded by Henry and Jasper since they were trying to drag it out for all of its worth since Charlotte had said that they were coming at some point. He was a massive show-off, though, so it wasn't hard to make him lose track of time with a few praises and Piper's well-wishers were actually just sheep with too much time on their hands so they'd do anything as per the pack mentality.

But Piper, well, she was starting to get pissed off as the rock music played on and as she looked around at her supporters, she couldn't believe that they'd been hanging about for so long. Anything could've happened to Otto in the time they'd been doing nothing, which meant change was in order.

"Okay, okay, stop, stop!" She shouted above the noise and the cheering and music ceased, much to everyone's disappointment and Henry's slight terror. "

"What's the problem?" "The problem is that you've been showboating for ten minutes. Are you gonna let the snake out so it can find Otto or not?" Piper asked the man sternly, who looked a little ashamed at her observations. He felt a bit bad that he'd gotten so carried away and Henry shuffled on his feet as he realised that his sister's insisting meant that his time for stalling was up.

"Yes, I will let it out..." the boy held his breath as the man looked solemnly at his shoes, but all hope was lost, "...after the conga line!!!!"

"YEAH!" To his massive relief, a stroke of luck fell thanks to the man's childishness and lack of professionalism, so Henry thanked his lucky stars and got in the queue for the conga. If it meant that the snake stayed in the bag, then he'd do some dancing, no matter how red-faced and annoyed Piper was getting because he'd been on the verge of a heart attack all day. The least he could do was try to relax as he steered the madman around the porch to keep his mind off of his snake.

"No! No conga lines! Use your stupid snake to find Otto! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!" The girl screamed into nothingness, her voice drowned out by the cheers from the crowd and the upbeat music to the point where her vocal cords were sore. It was tough seeing her so frustrated and on the verge of tears but Henry had to stay strong for his own sake...but not for long because here came an even bigger showboat.

"All right, people, heroes comin' through! Make a hole, make it wide! That's right, let the lady through!" Ray announced, suddenly appearing from the darkness like a vision in blue and red with (y/n) shyly leading the way since he was a firm believer in sweet ladies first.

Now, Henry had never felt this before in his life and he doubted that he ever would again—but dear god, he'd never been happier to hear that bigheaded voice. Just like he'd never been happier to see the lovey-dovey couple still holding hands even as he was preoccupied with what he assumed was Otto in that shrouded cage. He could deal with the cockiness, he could deal with the mushiness, he was just so glad that they'd made it at long last and just before the snake guy ran out of things to show off about.

"Oh, look! It's Captain Man and Miss Danger!" "And they've got the real Otto!" Henry and Jasper exclaimed in stale tones, sounding rehearsed and stupid to boot but no one paid attention as the hero set the bird cage down on the bucket that Piper had been sitting on. No one even noticed how Charlotte snuck into the group at suspiciously the same time as the heroes, almost as if she'd been with them, had anyone bothered to think about it like that.

"Did you find Otto?" Piper asked the heroes with wide, bright eyes that were filled with hope and wonder. Oh, how it would break their superhero hearts when they showed her what had befallen the seventh copy of her beloved class pet. Still, Ray could sell it just as he'd promised because he was a very smooth, charming talker and who could resist Miss Danger's winning smile? Not him, that's for certain.

"Uh-huh, sure did, little girl... He-Here ya go!" (y/n) tried to keep her face pleasant and her voice steady but it was kinda hard what with Piper staring straight at her. Ray's hand squeezed hers tighter as his other whipped away the white sheet that had been covering Otto's grotesque new features and honestly, the reaction of the crowd could've killed her right there. Henry and Jasper were looking at the couple and Charlotte with horrified expressions as they gave the tiniest shrugs and subtlest apologetic looks, but no one was more distraught than Piper as she took him in.

He looked like a half-dead chicken.

"W-what happened to him? It looks like he's been microwaved or something," She asked, not knowing where to look, whether that be his wings that seemed to grow from his backbone or his hoarse, jingling croak.

"Oh, well, y'know...the sickos that bird-napped him did not treat him very well," Ray lied, swapping a knowing look with his sweet girl and Charlotte as the crowd cooed in sympathy. They thought that the poor thing had been hounded and mauled by some cruel psycho but the reality was that they were the ones who were sick, they'd half-baked the cake so it was crusty on the outside but gooey and gross in the middle. Oh well, a sob story always worked in the animal's favour, maybe he'd make Swellview's Got Talent if they milked it.

"But when Miss Danger and I found those people, we beat 'em up!" The hero lied further, earning himself an eye roll from his fiancée that was mimicked by Charlotte because she knew exactly what was going through the man's mind. Oooh, Miss Danger fighting, oooh, she's so hot, ooooh, the people love him. He was loving it, punching and kicking the air as if he really had taken down some bad guys, but at least the crowd bought it.

"I mean, yeah...we really did a number on 'em! Real bad..." "Otto's back, people!" (y/n)'s lack of convincing enthusiasm was supported by Ray's talent for working a crowd and he happily gave her a side hug as Piper led the crowd in chanting the name of the brave parrot who'd been to hell and back, only to fight beak and claw to return to his mistress. Well, if they were happy then so were they, even if it was a shallow victory.

"Otto! Otto! Otto! Otto! Otto! Otto!" "Captain Man! Captain Man! Captain Man!" And being the bigheaded that he was, Ray couldn't help but slip his own name in there until the kids and various adults were shouting it instead. Piper was a bit confused and the teens thought it was massively cocky of their boss but as always, the Swellviewian crowd just followed the leader and Captain Man was good at that.

"Captain Man! Captain Man! Captain Man! Captain Man!" "There you go..." Well, at least he was happy about it.

"You're a massive ego, you know that?" (y/n) said as she looked up at him with a bemused smile, admiring how he was able to make them do whatever he said so easily. It was conceited of him but she could never do what he did, the leading, the being confident enough to step in and command the crowd to do what you wanted them to do. She was rubbish at that and would never dream of willingly stepping into the centre of attention like that, so it was awe-inspiring that he not only could but enjoyed doing it. Not that she'd ever play to his ego like that.

"You love it." "Oh, yeah, keep telling yourself that," she giggled and squeezed her eyes shut when he pressed a firm kiss to her cheek as she was pulled into his embrace even tighter. Charlotte dared to look to her right a little and pulled a face when she saw her friend squeal and laugh at how many butterfly kisses were being left on her cheeks by the man who was revelling in his two loves; the adoration of the crowd and his greatest love of all. Her.

"Told you I'd sell it," he muttered against the softness of her cheek and for once in her life, (y/n) had to pander to his ego. That was true, he'd done a good job, which even Charlotte had to hand to him, even if she was gagging at the same time. A look over his shoulder to Henry and Jasper and Ray was smirking even more because they gave him a nod and thumbs up. He was smug, right up until the point when their admiration turned into smirks of their own as they made smoochy faces and swirled their tongues in the cool night air.

It was Captain Man's turn to be embarrassed.

~The Man Cave~

After Ray was done throttling them and rubbing his knuckles against their heads, (y/n) had dragged the boys and Charlotte back to the Man Cave, saying something about wanting to get out of her uniform since today had been meant to be a day off of sorts.

So, back in their home and with the family crowded in one place, the man of The Cave had proclaimed that for the rest of the night, up until the inevitable first emergency call of the evening, they were gonna sit around the TV, watch bad shows or movies and not move an inch.

So, as the computer's monitors kept an eye on the shadiest parts of town, the TV played whatever was on air and they sat around it. Jasper was relaxing at the computer whilst Schwoz, Henry, Charlotte and of course, Ray and (y/n) were sat/snuggled on the couch in what should have been an idyllic scene. And for once in their lives, the happy couple were joined at the hip but not in paradise, not even when she raked her lips from his cheek to his jaw because there were several guests currently outstaying their welcome.

Those fucking parrots. All seven of them. The original Otto had been brought back to the Man Cave, lest he b left at Henry's house to be discovered, bringing that total of irritating little chatterboxes to seven and they would not shut up. It was impossible to relax fully or enjoy what was happening on the screen because nothing could be heard except for—

"Henry is Kid Danger!" "Henry is Kid Danger!" "Henry is Kid Danger!" "Henry is Kid Danger!" "Henry is Kid Danger!" It was infuriating. They were sat on top of the monitors still and Ray could swear that they were gloating at everyone's suffering, especially his, as he tried to get cosy with his sweet girl, possibly snake a hand where it shouldn't have been but it was hard to be cheeky when every little thing annoyed her to the point of pushing him away. He wasn't hurt, not like you'd expect because he got it. The headache was very real and even he found himself not in the mood as the chirps and squawks continued until it wasn't funny anymore.

Some might say it was comical that they were in that situation but by the half-hour mark of listening to nothing but "Henry is Kid Danger!", it was getting difficult to hold it together.

"The birds are too loud, I can't hear the judges!" Henry whined as he leaned in closer to the set, hoping to catch what the people on the cooking show were saying. This was one of his favourite shows, on the count that they all had cute and hilarious British voices, it would've been nice to hear one line when the judges critiqued something bad.

"Or their funny accents!" Schwoz complained too, which was a touch of the pot calling the kettle black but he had a point. The birds were so annoying, so much that Charlotte was starting to sense the tension between the miserable couple next to her.

"Jasper, will you turn up the volume?" She asked politely, getting the feeling that if her boss got any more frustrated, he'd punch the wall...or Schwoz's head. And it wasn't like (y/n) was gonna do anything; she was currently slumped against the couch table, her face smushed into her arms as she tried to block out the infernal noise and all Ray could do was sling an arm over her back and pathetically paw at her for attention that she wasn't going to give him whilst her head hurt so much.

"Good idea—" "I got a better idea. Let's turn the volume down on the birds!... Permanently," The hero growled, his patience wearing so thin that it was now nothing more than a smear and he had the self-control of a toddler anyway. He wanted to hold his sweet girl and kiss her and hear her whisper naughty things and stupid jokes in his ear but most of all, he wanted her to feel better again. To see her look and smile at him again.

So, in his head, it made sense to sneak his laser control from his pocket and raise his arm to fire at those damned parrots. One hit and they'd be nothing more than ash on the floor and his lover would be content to snuggle with him again. After all, what kind of protector was he if he couldn't commit a little bird genocide for her comfort?

"What are you talking about, doo—oh my god, Raymond! No!" (y/n) raised her eye with bleary eyes and peered at her lover in confusion as his arm left her back and took its warmth with it. It was only when she looked along to the connecting hand and what was in that hand that her brain suddenly stopped hurting and flipped into action, quick enough to lift his arm and skewer his aim, but not quick enough to stop the firing full stop. Rather, Ray's thumb hit the button and an orange zap left the controller but it didn't hit an Otto, oh no.

"Ah!" Jasper yelped as he felt a burning sting on his lip like a bullet had grazed his mouth, and he looked up at his friends to see their shocked faces but most importantly, Ray's guilty mug as they started pointing fingers.

"Are you okay?!" "You zapped Jasper's face!"

"That was (y/n)'s fault!" "I was saving that damn parrot's life!" "Y-yeah, she's too sweet to be blamed! It was Charlotte's fault, she wanted the TV to be turned up!" When Charlotte looked at (y/n) with an accusing glare, the woman recoiled and frowned because she had merely been trying to do the right thing, not join a game of tattletales. But of course, as always, Ray valiantly jumped to her defence and practically hunched over his lover to bare his teeth at Charlotte for her outrageous suggestion.

"You shot off my moustache!" Jasper yelled at the horrified trio and whilst they weren't big fans of it in the first place, Charlotte and (y/n) felt just as bad as Ray as they saw his bald, slightly sore but definitely red upper lip. Despite having it for less than a week, the teen had grown quite attached to his lip sweater and was fuming to know that it had been lost for something so trivial, like losing a soldier because of a general's poor order.

"Noooooooo!" Henry screamed, his face contorting in pain and anguish as if he was the one in mourning. His best friend had looked so cool, cooler than anything to anyone he'd ever seen, so to see it shaved off was devastating.

"It was an accident! (y/n) hit my zapper!" Ray squeaked and fluttered his eyes innocently, which caused his sweet girl to look at him with mutiny in her eyes. Oh, why didn't he stab her in the heart whilst he was at it? One mean look from Jasper and his shaved whiskers and he was whimpering, leaving her to the dogs to be torn apart and she would be offended if she didn't know that in serious circumstances, he'd never betray her like that.

"What were you thinking?!" "I was trying to save the birds! Which, by the way, are now quiet, thanks to me!" The woman snapped at Henry and then glared at her future husband, both of whom seemed more upset than Jasper at the loss of the moustache. But she was right; since the laser had fired, the birds hadn't made a peep, probably because they were scared shitless by the hulking hero and the silence was bliss.

"Yeah! At least the birds shut up!" Charlotte told her friend, nudging his arm to get him to back off so they could enjoy the quiet and hopefully, the couple next to her would mellow out. (y/n) huffed and flopped back into the couch, ignoring her heart's desire to latch onto the bicep brushing against her arm and hug it for the rest of her life. The fuchsia shirt he was wearing made them bulge and seem extra huge, perfect for snuggling or holding onto when he dragged her off to f—or not. She was sulking, feeling moody after being sold out so his buddy wouldn't get mad over a moustache.

"At least the birds shut up." Spoke too soon. It must've been something about her voice because the Ottos picked up on the phrase the minute she said it and this time, it was even more annoying. Not because they'd been quiet, although that did grate, but because now it felt like they were being deliberately annoying, mocking even, because they had the power to toy with the pathetic humans who were too soft to do anything against them.

"At least the birds shut up." "At least the birds shut up." "At least the birds shut up." "At least the birds shut up."

"Ray?" (y/n) murmured darkly to her fiancé, swallowing thickly as her head began pounding again, souring her mood even further. Those little bastards with wings, she wanted to step on every one of them because they were ruining the last scrap of her day off and that just wasn't on.

"Yeah, sweet girl?" Ray acknowledged her in a tight voice, feeling a similar dull pain set in between his temples, meaning any hopes he had of laughing away the tension for his "betrayal" were dashed because neither of them was in the mood for fun.

"Let's make some parrot pot pie." She growled, not even caring about how morbid her idea was and of course, Ray was at the end of her rope just as she was. And obviously, he would do anything for her, so when he began shooting again, it was up to Charlotte to try and keep those damn birds alive again.

In the chaos, as a small girl tried to fend off a man twice her size, as an odd boy stroked his stubbled lip, as a lanky kid walked off, as a genius ducked for cover and as seven birds chirped to their heart's content, (y/n) let her forehead touch the cool table and plugged her ears with her fingers as her eyes slid shut. The world was blocked out like there was an ocean in her head, and at last, there was peace in the Man Cave.

Sort of.

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