#the people around me don't fill this void inside myself

[irritablepoe]

not to be absolutely stupid and cringe. but i am drowning in solitude. i am consumed by my longing for love and attention and care.

#johnny's silly rambles #vent #the people around me don't fill this void inside myself #like irl #and i feel guilty for wanting more #bc i don't do anything to achieve that #and always wish that someday.. someday it'll be better #and usually that works #but the past days the “someday” didn't help much #anyways. it'll pass....it'll pass

[fanficsformyfaves]

And I've Been Meaning To Tell You, I Think Your House Is Haunted

Billy Loomis x Fem!Reader

WARNING: ANGST, Emotionally and Physically Abusive Relationship with Father, Hurt to Comfort

PREFACE: After a fight with her dad, Reader runs back up to her room, when she hears someone at her window

A/N: Phone calls are Colored and in Bold!

Sidney and Billy aren't together and Billy and Stu are not a killers in this A/U!

"YOU'RE A SHIT DAD! YOU DRIVE MOM AWAY BY CHEATING ON HER AND NOW, YOU'RE TELLING ME YOU SOLD MY CAR?! FOR WHAT?! TO BUY MORE FUCKING BOOZE?!", I scream,

Shoving him backwards. Just then, my father slaps me across me the face, causing a gasp to escape me as a result. I hold the stinging hand mark on my cheek, as the ringing began to pick up in my ears.

"Bitch to someone that fucking cares", he spits,

Sitting back down and picking up another bottle.

"Kill yourself", I say under my breath,

Before storming back up to my room and slamming the door behind me.

My life was a living nightmare that I couldn't escape from. Ever since my mom left, everything went to shit. All my father ever did was turn to alcohol to fill that void and he used me as the punching bag to distract himself from his own misery.

I wanted to go with her, but she was already gone before I even knew what happened. The only reason I found out was by reading the note she left on the kitchen counter when I woke up that morning.

To say I was devastated would be an understatement.

As I sat on the foot of my bed, struggling to hold back the tears that were threatening to spill and remembering the pain I felt on the day day she left, I hear something rustle on the other side my window.

"What the fuck?", I mutter to myself,

Getting back up. I reluctantly make my way to the window and open it to look outside.

At first, I don't see anything, but then I feel a hand grab at my wrist, making me scream at the top of my lungs, as I pulled away.

"Hey...it's just me", Billy reassures,

"Billy? What the-"

"I'm sorry. Don't hate me", he interrupts,

While climbing through to the inside of my room.

"What are you doing here?", I question,

"I heard you screaming from down the street", he answers,

Dusting himself off.

Billy and I met during sophomore year and got together a few months later. Him and his friends were the only people I actually enjoyed hanging out with. My dad never cared about me, so it was nice to have people that did. Whenever another fight would happen, they'd always insist on me staying the night at one of theirs.

"It's fine", I sigh in defeat,

Sitting back down on my bed.

"Doesn't sound like it", he joins me,

Before taking my hand into his.

"Look, I ain't gonna make you tell me anything you don't want to...but I'm worried about you, kid", he caresses the back of my hand,

As I nervously chew at my bottom lip.

"You know I'm always here to listen"

"It just sucks, Billy. He fucked up things up with my mom and now he's fucking things up for me", I explained,

He shakes his head, tucking a rouge strand of hair behind my ear. It was just then he notices the hand mark on my cheek.

"What the fuck?", he exclaims,

"Billy-"

"Did he fucking hit you?", he cuts off,

"Yes, but, it doesn't matter-"

"Like hell, it doesn't!", he yells,

Getting off the bed and rushing towards my door, when I make a desperate attempt to stop him by wrapping my arms around his waist.

"Billy, please don't!", I shriek,

Not wanting to make things were.

"That son of a bitch can't just hurt you and get away with it!"

"Billy", I sob,

Unable to hold back the tears from spilling any longer. His body softens and he looks back at me from underneath his arm.

"It'll only make things worse, please", I pleaded,

Seeing how distraught I was, he takes a deep breath and turns to hold me tight in his arms.

"Okay, fine"

"He'll hurt you too. Just...please don't"

I would've never been able to forgive myself if something happened to Billy.

"Hey, look at me", he says,

Pulling away and holding my warm face in his hands.

"I'm not letting you stay here. My old man's out of town for the week, so you can stay at mine"

"I couldn't impose-"

"It's not imposing, if I ask"

"I'd make me feel a lot better to know you were fine and what better way to make sure of that, then to have you stay with me?"

"I don't know, Billy"

On one hand, my dad couldn't give less of a shit where I slept, but on the other, I hated feeling like a charity case.

"Look, we could invite the gang over and watch some scary movies. I know you're a sucker for those", he suggests,

Making me laugh to myself.

"We could even stop by the store and get you your favorite snacks, obviously, it's my treat", he added,

Taking my hands into his. I couldn't help but sigh contently at his sweet he was. Every time we were together, it felt like nothing else mattered, except us in that moment.

"So?"

I take a moment, before finally agreeing.

"That does sound nice"

"Yes! Alright, pack your shit and meet me outside. My car's parked down the street, so I need to get it", he exclaims excitedly,

Pressing his lips go mine, as I giggle at his eagerness.

"I'll call everyone and let them know we're meeting at yours"

"Sounds like a plan. See you in a minute", he says,

Hurrying out the window. I pick up the landline and dial up Tatum and Sidney first. A few rings go by and they both answer at the same time.

Sid: Hello?

Tate: Hey!

Me: Hey, so, impromptu movie sesh at Billy's. Are you girls' down?

Tate: Hell yeah!

Sid: I'd love to, but my dad would freak if I asked to go to Billy's house

Tate: Then, don't tell him? Just say you're staying at mine

Sid: I don't know-

Tate: We're going

Sid: Tate!

Tate: Oh, come on, Sidney, I'll pick you up!

Me: I really want you guys there. I'm inviting the guys too and I'd rather not drown in all that testosterone

Tate: Exactly! We can't just leave our girl to fend for herself!

Me: Pretty please with the juiciest cherries on top?!

Sid: *Sighs* Alright. I'm packing a bag

Tatum: Awesome! I'll be there in 10

Me: Kk, see you there! Just gotta call up Bert and Ernie

I joke, before hanging up and putting in their numbers in. As I waited, I began stuffing my backpack with pajamas, toiletries, my books for tomorrow and a change of clothes.

The moment I was done pulling up the zipper, Stu finally answered the call.

Stu: Hellooo

Me: Hey, Stu! Got a minute?

Stu: Oh, I've got all the time in the world for you, gorgeous

Me: *Scoffs*

Just then, Randy joins the call.

Randy: Hello?

Stu: Ugh, why'd you add rat-boy?

Randy: If I'm rat-boy, what the hell does that make you?

Stu: Incredibly sexy in comparison?

Randy: You know what-

Me: Jesus, could we please cut the biggest-dick-contest short?

Randy: He started it!

Stu: Oh, grow a pair!

Me: GUYS!

I scold, finally causing them to fall silent.

Me: I was just about to invite you for a movie night at Billy's, but if you two fucknuts can't get along-

Stu and Randy: No!

Stu: I mean...fine. We'll behave, Ms.(Y/L/N)

He promises in a sarcastic tone, making me roll my eyes.

Me: Just get to Billy's

I eventually hang up the phone, pick up my stuff and climbed out the window. Just as he promised, there Billy was, waiting for me in his car. I hop in and he turns up the music.

"You ready?"

I smile and kissed him once more.

"Hell yeah"

#billy loomis #scream #billy loomis x reader #billy loomis oneshot #billy loomis fanfic #billy loomis fluff #billy loomis angst #billy loomis smut #skeet ulrich

[wakeupandchooseviolets]

I don't know why we never thought to do this before.

Hell, we even keep the ropes next to the gum. The idea was staring us in the face all along.

I kneel on the bed and she slides in behind me, looping the bight under my tits. I close my eyes, trying to shut out everything but the feel of the hemp as she pulls it over my shoulders and around my back. She's tying things a little loose, and it feels weird, but it's probably better that way.

She pats my butt to let me know that she's finished, and I pop up to my knees to give her room to tie a harness around my hips. She fumbles and swears to herself a couple of times, and then swings around in front of me.

"I need you to lay back," she says, before playfully shoving me backwards. I let myself topple, and she continues webbing me with rope. I guess looser ties don't fight gravity very well. Won't be a problem for too long, I think to myself.

"Okay," she says, tying off my hips, "open up."

I let her slip the half-piece of gum in my mouth, but then I think about refusing to chew. What, after all, would be brattier than not playing along? What if I just took my toys and went home? Unfortunately, she's already bound my ankles to the bed, legs spread wide apart, so I have room to grow.

She slides up and looks me in the eye. "Chew."

I do what I'm told.

The flavor is always way too intense starting out, almost chemical, in a way. Its' like when they get the mix wrong in the slushy machine and it's all syrup. Cloying, too sweet, too bright, too fruity. It's hard not to drool blue all over the pillows, but I know better than to actually misbehave.

Like clockwork, as the flavor begins to mellow I feel the telltale warmth deep in my belly. Chewing was a chore before, now it becomes compulsive, thoughtless.

When people write stories about things like this, especially people who've never been through it, they always go on and on about the pressure and the fear and the intensity, but it's never been like that for me.

It does feel incredible, though. They get that part right.

The warmth grows inside me, filling me up, and, when it runs out of room, I begin to grow. I start to lose myself in the feeling of swelling around the juice inside me, when the ropes begin to pull tight across my belly.

I don't mean to, but I arch back and moan deeply, letting a little rivulet of blue dribble onto the pillows. Oops. She chuckles, and we both know I'll pay for ruining her linens yet again.

The feeling is so sharp now, and I lose my mind a little as my skin begins to fight against the hemp. The warmth spreads outward from my middle, spilling into my thighs and my chest, filling everything it can find.

I can feel the knots all over me begin to pull tight as I fill out the webs of rope. I spill out of the gap between the harnesses, and the little part of me that still feels human is silently grateful that we started with something small and easy. The other part of me, the one that's taking over, wants to be squeezed like overripe fruit through fine mesh until there's nothing left but a small ocean of dark blue juice. That's new.

I start to puff through the voids in the harnesses, the cool sensation of the air against my taut skin colliding with the burning where the ropes are holding me back. I start to wonder whether they'll break before I do, but I put that thought away. My breasts are swelling faster than they normally do, even though I only have half a dose in me. They start to obscure my view of things happening lower down, but not before I see her climb in between my swelling thighs.

It's way too soon for me to be leaking, but I feel her tongue against me, and I convulse. soon enough she reappears, mouth stained blue with a look in her eye like I've probably ruined another mattress.

The gum is flavorless now, but I keep chewing. She hasn't told me to stop yet. Still, I feel the growth slow to a crawl. The warmth begins to dissipate, so I give my arms and legs a cursory wiggle.

I'm so full, and still tied down, but I can tell that I'm not round enough. I can't help it. Somewhere, far away in my brain, I know this is a test run, but I keep chewing so frantically, hoping to swell just a little bit more. I almost want to cry.

I'm supposed to be a giant, juicy balloon, not this weird little excuse for an adult human woman.

I guess she can feel my desperate fidgeting, because she crawls up and lays beside me.

"Hey, big girl," she says, wiping bright blue tears off my cheek. "I know you want more, but I think we need to juice you. These ropes look about ready to goosh you to pieces."

I want to say "Let them!" but I know that's the juice talking.

"I know," she says, like she's reading my mind. "It's not fair, but we need to be safe."

I pout harder.

She knows better than to negotiate with terrorists, though. "What are you going to do about it?" she asks, feigning innocence. "You're tied down tight, and too juicy to move." She reaches over, grabs one move my engorged nipples, and squeezes hard. Dark blue juice sprays the wall behind her as I yowl in ecstasy. "Oh no, are you going to squirt on me until I do what you want?" she asks, squeezing again.

"Just cut the ropes off," I beg, trying to think of anything that might free me up to grow safely.

"Sorry, babe," she says, genuinely apologetic. "The rope's too tight now. I don't think I could get the scissors in there without risking popping you."

"I'm going to juice you," she says. "Do you want business, or pleasure?"

I'm too frustrated to cum right now, stuck like I am between one self and another. "Business," I mumble. Fuck orgasms. I'd rather just get this over with.

She smiles gently, and scrambles up onto my massive belly, and grabs a nipple in each hand. Her weight feels amazing, and as she starts to milk giant spurts of juice out of my breasts, back and forth, back and forth, I realize that business may lead to pleasure regardless of how I feel.

Her whole body is swaying with the rhythm of her arms, and I feel a different kind of warmth start to build between my swollen thighs. I can feel every inch of the hemp biting into me, pulling me in so many directions. It feels so good to be her balloon, letting her tease and squeeze as she pleases.

I'm taken completely by surprise when I cum suddenly and violently. I can tell she is, too, because she falls off my quaking body backwards, getting doused by the juice gushing out of me. I'm absorbed by the orgasm wracking my body, and time loses meaning for a little while.

When I come to, panting, I realize that she's nowhere to be seen. Thankfully, I'm small enough now to slip out of the ropes around my wrists and ankles. I sit bolt upright, or, as bolt as I can at least. The residual juice is going to weigh me down a little until my body can process it naturally.

I call her name.

"Down here," says a stunned voice. I look over the foot of the bed.

She's laying there, eyes wide in shock, absolutely drenched in blue.

"Wow," she says.

"Are you okay?" I ask, scrambling to offer her a puffy, light blue hand.

"Look," she says, taking my hand, "that was so much fun, really."

"But?" I ask, trying not to hold my breath.

"... but we have got to find a way to do this that doesn't change my hair color."

#blueberry inflation #blueberry expansion #my words #body inflation #body expansion #inflation kink #blueberry kink #blueberry shibari too why not #shiberry lol #got tired of trying to finish this one in a satisfying way so it's not like perfect but at least i can be done writing it #we'll get 'em next time don't you worry #can you tell i haven't actually done much rope play?

[orshii]

bitter and sweet

Author: orshii

Pairing: Kim Hongjoong x female reader

Warnings: Use of word "fuck", smoking, alcohol consumption

Word count: 2k

Summary: When you finally quit your job, you need a distraction. Hongjoong happens to be that.

A/N: Am- hi? This is totally new to me, and I would've never uploaded this story, if it weren't for my bestie @bvidzsoo (ly). She kept saying, how good this story was, so Ig I'm here? I really hope you will enjoy it, as much as I did when I wrote this little drabble. Recently I am very whipped for Hongjoong, so yeah...I just had to write this. Anyways, have fun. xoxo orshii

After a whole month of living like a robot: starting work early in the morning, when the sun wasn't even up yet, until when it hid behind again the buildings of our little town; I slowly started to feel like I was losing my mind. The feeling was similar to when your days are just as monotone as the clock on your wall, never changing its course the opposite way. You become one with your regular human life, which is always clouded, always grey just like the clouds above you; there are no colors.

It started becoming overwhelming, I started getting tired of this feeling of emptiness; I felt the void spread through my body every single fucking day. That's when I decided to quit my job, which wasn't even my dream job. I have been working at a fucking bakery as a cashier, of course it wasn't my dream job, whose would it be…

It was a Friday when I quit, so, as I was an unemployed nobody, the best idea was to celebrate that, wasn’t it? My friends were excited to hear my sudden proposal of going to a party, which was held by the town’s biggest brat, Jung Wooyoung; but I didn't care, I needed to get laid as soon as possible. I just wanted an escape from this shit reality, and not to think about what was going to happen in the future now that I was without a job.

 We decided to dress up pretty and sexy for the night with the girls. I was wearing black ripped jeans with fishnets underneath, and a black crop top with some cuts on it here and there, accompanied with my black boots and some accessories.

As we arrived in front of the house of said brat, Wooyoung, we went inside deep into the crowd of swaying bodies, which were flowing with the music. The music was so loud that we couldn't even hear our own voice, the beat punching our chests harshly. The first thing we had to do was to drink, of course, so we headed to the kitchen. We could barely see the furniture inside the kitchen due to the smog filling the air, coming from the people smoking this and that. Finally, somehow we found our love, the meaning of our night:  alcohol. We started to take some tequilas shots, and anything else we found, honestly. We just wanted to get drunk. Me, at least.

Eventually, I somehow found myself around the swaying bodies in the living room, but my friends were nowhere to be found.

I started to dance following the flow of the music; I felt like I could finally breathe, my latest months were hard and I just needed to forget all of the shit that’s happened.

At some point, I felt like somebody was watching me, I don't know how, I’d call it perhaps intuition.

When my eyes finally found the owner of two staring lustful eyes, my breath hitched. I have never seen this man in my entire life before, but as I watched him, my heart just started to race like it never has. My heart didn't even race like this when a fucking bear started to chase me, and that’s no fun.

I felt dizzy, maybe because of the influence of the alcohol or I didn’t know, but the sudden emotions started hitting me like I was a fucking punch bag.

The man was sitting on the couch, he was a bit far, but I could see his devilish smile from where I stood. It’s not supposed to be a joke; but with the red lights of the party, he looked like the fucking devil himself. His raven-black hair fell on his forehead, reaching his eyes, making his glare even more intense as he held a can of beer, leaning over his knees.

I haven't moved since my eyes landed on him but somebody, suddenly, bumped into me, and if I remember the guy's name correctly, it’s San. But I was glad, because I somehow found myself back to reality again, as if the last few minutes were in slow-motion.

I tried not to look at the stranger again, since my friends finally found me and we started to dance together, laughing and goofing around. I would be lying if I said my eyes never searched for the stranger again as he had moved from the couch. I felt a bit disappointed that I might never see him again.

And there was a chance that I actually might see him, and after a while, I suddenly felt two warm hands around my waist. I don't know how, don't ask, but I just knew it was the stunning stranger guy from the couch, with whom I had a staring contest like half an hour ago.

We just weirdly danced to the music, feeling the rhythm as it led our bodies in synchrony. It was weird because he was a total stranger but, somehow, I felt safe in his warm arms. I slowly turned around to finally look at the owner of the warm hands, and I was fucking right. I felt like I was going to melt right then and there like ice cubes on a hot summer day.

Why? Because he was the hottest guy I have ever seen in my life, and I'm not joking, I would never joke about things like that. He looked ethereal, and I don't know what led him to me, but I thank God for it, because it was worth every moment. I looked into his eyes as he was glaring at me sharply. I couldn't read his expression, but I saw a small smirk slip onto his slim lips, so, I reached my arms around his neck. Yes, I felt comfortable like this, after all, he was still holding my waist.

“Hi.” I spoke suddenly. Don't even ask me why I had the courage to even say something to him. That night, my soul has left my body surely.

“Hey.” He said with a low tone, leaning close to my ear so I could hear him. I felt shivers running through my body.

“Wanna smoke?” I asked him with questioning eyes.

He smiled, “Yeah, of course.”

And then, he grabbed my hands and pulled me towards the backyard.

I looked back at my friends, but they were just laughing and shouted, “Go get him!”

It made me laugh as I followed the stranger.

As we finally arrived outside, I felt relieved. The weather was nice, I finally could hear my own voice and I got to inhale some fresh air.

We stopped at the terrace of the house, and I leaned my back against one of the pillars as the stranger across from me did the same thing.

We were quiet for a bit as I enjoyed the fresh air, and I felt him watching me. It wasn't an awkward quiet, it was a comfortable one. I stared back at him, taking in the sight of him as his outfit screamed elegance, but at the same time it was casual; he was wearing all black.

“Aren't you going to smoke?” He asked suddenly, breaking the quiet.

“Nah, I don't smoke.” I said with a serious face.

The stranger looked at me, his eyebrows scrunching together in confusion.

“Then why did you want to come out to—smoke?”

I just shrugged, “I just needed some fresh air, but to not disappoint you—” I started to search for something in my pocket, “I have this.”

I showed him the colorful elf bar, raising it up to his face.

He started to laugh loudly; it was low toned and the sound tingled through my whole body. I loved his laugh.

“Okay.” He nodded, “Then I’m going to smoke a real cigarette.”

He spoke while still smiling as he reached for his cigarettes in his pocket. Damn, he was actually smoking smoking; that’s a red flag, but I like it.

He slowly pulled out a cigarette from the package, and took it in between his parted thin lips, his gaze never leaving mine, only when he lit it up.

I decided to smoke the elf bar which was in my hands. It tasted like a tangle of freshly picked raspberries and blueberries from the wild fields, accompanied with the taste of dark red cherries. I loved the sweet taste as it slowly went down into my lungs, spreading the sweetness everywhere, and then, I exhaled it slowly out into the clear air.

The guy in front of me was staring at my lips as the sweet fog came out from my parted lips.

“Is it good?” He asked, gazing at me.

“It is. It’s sweet, unlike yours.” I said pointing at the cigarette in his hands.

He looked down at it.

“It's not that bad—wanna taste it?” He asked me frowning with a smirk on his lips.

And the look he was giving me sent me to Hell, just for me to return as Lucifer. That's why I was suddenly so bold, out of my mind.

“Do you want to taste this?” I pointed at my elf bar, avoiding his question on purpose.

“Yeah, why not?” He said, stepping closer to me.

I stared at him as an idea came to my mind.

“Wanna double shotgun?” I asked pointing at my elf bar and his cigarette, watching him with inviting eyes.

Just the idea of it was already so exciting, now imagine actually doing it…with a stranger, whom, despite having just met, it felt like I have known him my whole life.

“Hell, yes.” He said in a low tone, it was almost like a thunder. He stepped closer to me, our bodies almost touching, but it seemed like he didn't want to overstep some unsaid boundaries.

And so, I slowly inhaled from the elf bar, inhaling it deep down into my lungs as he did the same with his cigarette, burning the end of it with his inhale.

As we both were ready, we leaned into each other’s bodies, our lips almost touching. We exhaled the smoke at the same time as it tumbled through our parted lips, just to meet with the other's soft lips, inhaling the other's taste. I breathed him in, held it in my lungs, wanting to keep it there forever.

“It's so bitter.” I whispered still leaning close, slowly exhaling the smoke of his cigarette.

“It's so sweet.” He whispered back to me, leaning even closer in, gazing at me with dark eyes, which were telling me so much yet nothing at the same time.

“Wanna taste it on your sweet lips.” He said, reaching out his thumb to brush it against my lower lip.

“Then what are you waiting for?” I whispered against his bitter lips, closing my eyes slowly.

He slowly grabbed my chin and tilted it upwards, and then leaned in to brush his lips against mine. I could taste the bitterness of his cigarette on his lips, blending with the sweet taste of my own lips, which the elf bar has left behind.

Sweet and bitter collided, it was like our own two worlds colliding: he tasted bitter, but somehow, he brought some sweetness into my grey world, painting it slowly full with colors as he brushed his lips against mine.

“You haven’t told me your name.” I said after our lips separated from each other, desiring for more. I wanted to taste him forever.

“Hongjoong.” He whispered, our lips almost touching, “And what's your name, pretty?”

“Y/N” I said, and he smiled at me sweetly as our lips collided again, never wanting to separate.

He filled me up with passion. He made me want to finally step out of my monotone life. I felt like I was alive again. He made my grey life colorful again.

Later on, we were passed out in the back of his car…how’d we let it get this far, I don’t know.

#orshii #hongjoong x reader #kim hongjoong #hongjoong oneshot #kim hongjoong oneshot #hongjoong fluff #kim hongjoong fluff #hongjoong angst #hongjoong smut #kim hongjoong smut #hongjoong ateez #ateez x reader #ateez fluff #ateez angst #ateez smut #ateez oneshot #ateez fanfic #ateez imagines #ateez scenarios #kim hogjoong you are killing me

[veritasss5]

The current lesson that you need to learn right now | pick a card.

Disclaimer: this is a GENERAL READING, take what it resonates and leave behind what doesn’t. This is for fun and should never be taken seriously. This is for entertainment purposes. It is just for helping you to have a general idea about your situation. If it does help you fine I am very happy about it, if not then I am sorry that it wasn’t for you and move on.

Take a moment to relax your mind and choose with your intuition.

Pile 1 → Pile 2

Pile 3 → Pile 4

Pile 1

“I am inside a castle. This castle is comfortable, but also this castle is miserable and poor.

This castle is big and empty at the same time. I hate it. I am alone. I am scared. Please, can someone fill the void in me? I feel lonely to be inside this castle. But I don’t want to get out of this castle. I am in pain but I don’t have the courage to heal? Can someone help me to heal? Most probably, I should save myself instead of waiting for an eternity for someone to enter my castle.

It is ugly, poorly managed and cold. Who would want to enter this castle if it is in a bad state?”

The lesson that you need to learn is to take out your fear, grudge, frustrations and regrets. Eight swords need to be taken out from you in order to feel freedom and love. You want to be saved, but only you can fully understand yourself. Hardly people will understand you if you don’t let them see the castle in you. You tend consciously or unconsciously to hide your true self from the people around you. In order to be helped, people need to know you, but if you don’t let people see the real you, how can you be saved? Mind that it is not an everyday thing that people have a deep understanding of human’s emotions and struggle.

That is why the current answer is: you are the real hero that you are waiting for a long time.

If you hide yourself, you may not even be able to see your real power. Take care of your inner child. Take care of your inner world inside you, yes, your castle needs to be taken care of as well.

Pile 2

“I fear death. When something dies, they are gone forever. I don’t want them to die. I still want to experience that moment. Please don’t die… I am not ready to let go. Please I am begging you, l know that things need to be changed but I HATE changes. I didn’t ask for changes! Hey! Did you hear me? Please don’t take away the thing that I cherish the most!!! Please… I know it is not good for me, but let me still enjoy it.

Why are you so cruel to me? I don’t, I don’t want to see the real “truth”. Let me still believe in my “truth”. Your “truth” is way too painful to accept it. I don't want to see the curtain behind the theatre.”

The lesson that you need to learn is to accept what life is showing you and let go of the things that you are actually aware of that are not good for you or toxic. Change is needed. The process is painful, but the results will be good for you. Right now you are too caught in the situation to be aware that life wants the best for you and not to curse you. Things happen for a reason, they don’t happen randomly. If you lose something you will gain something at the same time, maybe the thing that you are getting is not what you like right now, but that “thing” (could be a situation, opportunity, a person, an object, etc.) can be useful for you in the near future. Growth happens, and sometimes those situations are needed for you to level up and mature. There is said “old friends go, and new friends come”. Things don't last forever, it is because things don't last for an eternity that we should enjoy the present and make a good memory of it when we can.

Pile 3

“I will fight against everyone. I am determined to show my truth. I am a warrior. I need to fight. Everyone is my enemy if they don’t respect me as a person and human being. There are always people that have something against me. But I don’t care. I just don’t give a damn about it. You see? I can still rise and shine even though people will try to put me down. I start to be selfish and arrogant, but sometimes because of my wrong judgement to some people, some are quite offended and hurt by my words. It’s okay, I will learn how to distinguish who is my enemy and who is my ally.”

The lesson that you need to learn is to fight for your personal rights as a person. People have no right to tell you what you should do, who you should be and what you should like or dislike. You are already learning how to stand for yourself, which is good. You are currently learning how to settle boundaries and let people know that they should respect your boundaries.

You are in this “fight spirit” of earning back your self power. Good, but because of the past non pleasant experience, you are unconsciously being too quick to judge someone’s intentions. You may be impulsive and accidentally judge wrongly someone that actually really tries to understand you and help you. Learn to discern “good” and “bad”. Your current energy is quite on fire! Keep going, but remember to apologise your mistakes right away when you realise your mistakes. Not everyone is here to compete with you.

Pile 4

“I need to go. Please let me go. My freedom is just right here. I have to leave behind my ego to pursue my freedom dream. I will fly like a bird and discover the beauty of this world. You will miss me. You don’t want me to leave your side, but I know that we need to separate for a while. When we both have learned each other’s personal lesson, we will come back stronger and ever reconnect together. This is my promise. My promises are never empty. Believe that fate will bring us together again. So please, don’t hold me so tight. We both need a break and you know.”

This can be interpreted as a personal dialogue with yourself, or someone that is quite possessive needs to learn to let you go.

For the personal dialogue interpretation: you need to let go of your past self, your negative or toxic trait, or your ego. In order to pursue your best self path, you need to let go of the part of yourself that obstructs you from achieving the best version of you because fears or traumas are stopping you from moving forward.

This is a needed process to cut out the bad roots. When you become stronger, you can go back to your past self and fulfil your old wishes and goals that you couldn’t because in the past you were powerless to do so. In short past you and present you need to be separated, but you both can be back together when present you are stronger so you can become one person with past, present and future hold together.

For the other interpretation: someone is holding you too tight that is an obstacle to you from achieving your dreams and goals. They are not a good influence for you as of now. You are aware of it but you weren’t unsure about how to let go of this person. I would say that if you openly talk about your intentions and let go of them even though they don’t agree, this would be the best for you and the other person. For you to achieve your goals, for them to learn that holding so tight someone would only cause damage than doing good. Taking a break from a connection isn’t something bad. It’s best to figure out a lot of things alone and sort out feelings and thoughts that you couldn’t think of when you are with the other person.

#intuitive readings #tarot cards #tarot reading #free tarot #free tarot reading #free tarot readings #free intuitive readings #oracle reading #pac reading #pick a card #pick a pile tarot #pick a deck #pick a pile #pick a card tarot #pick a picture #pick a card reading #tarot deck #tarotblr #tarot pac

[rowdyhughesy]

Don’t run away, not now - Trevor Zegras

“ I’m burnt out, shit I need some rest. But how can I escape you if you’re in my head? “

- chase atlantic

requested: no

wc: 870

song fic inspired by This is what a broken heart feels like by Marina Lin

You gave it all away

Didn’t even let me in

You gave the worst goodbye

And people ask me how I've been

I wished relationships would come with a trailer, that you could watch it before you fall in love and decide if you wanted to continue. That if the impending heartache that could follow is truly worth it. If those two years filled with kisses on Saturday mornings, the smell of burning toast coming from the kitchen, warm fingertips drawing invisible shapes across my back in the early hours.

The fights when neither of us want to admit we've been wrong, when Trevor threw dirty laundry on the bathroom floor or forgot to put the dishes away.

Or when I let my insecurities become an obstacle I had problems crossing on my own. He would be there with a smile so big the ends of his eyelashes kissed the apples of his cheeks. Soft pink lips placing butterfly light kisses on my temple. Whispering how I was the most beautiful thing he's ever laid his eyes on.

How I wish I could've seen the trailer and been prepared for the ending. Saved myself the numbing ache that followed when I walked inside that door. Trevors facial expression void of any emotion as he breaks my heart into a million tiny glass pieces. 'I don't think it's working out.' Echoing inside my skull every damn time someone asks me how I'm holding up.

Replaying like a broken record that won't stop no matter how much I scream or cry. Palms pressed over my ears crying for it to shut up. Begging for silence. If only for a second

Friday nights got me feeling lonely

Saturdays are when the bottles empty

Why'd you have to leave me?

Dani strokes a comforting hand over the top of my head. Trying to smooth out the tangled rats ness I call hair her other arm wrapped around my body, cuddling me close to her side. Mumbling words of encouragement in my ear as I press my cheek closer to her chest. Hot tears wetting my skin as they run down, leaving small dark splotches on her sweater in their wake.

Throat sore from the cries of a broken heart I’ve been letting out for the past couple of hours.

It’s been two months since Trevor left but the tears still haven’t run dry. Every day there’s new ones along with the clenching feeling in my ribcage. It’s like someone has a tight grip on my heart and slowly but surely the grip becomes tighter and tighter. Squeezing with everything it has until the pain is all I can feel. Until it’s all that’s left.

‘Why did he have to leave Dani? What did I do wrong?’ Voice cracking as another wave of tears bubbles up. Eyes bloodshot, glassy from yet unshed tears and eyelashes clumped together.

‘You didn’t do anything wrong honey you did absolutely nothing. Do you hear me? This is not on you.’ Dani rests her chin on my head. Hand having left it’s previous position in my hair so both her arms are now cradling me close.

Small drops of her own tears that’s managed to slip out landing on my head. Troy gives her a sad smile from his place on the armchair across the coffee table. Trying to hold back all his frustration at his teammate for leaving someone so hurt and broken. For hurting a girl he’s considered as his little sister for two years.

But all he and Dani can do is be a shoulder to lean on and someone to confide in as the girl tries to get over the boy who left without warning.

Don't leave me

Don't leave me

Don't leave me

It’s hard to explain the feeling that crawls up your chest when you come across your ex boyfriends Instagram post. To see those light blue eyes and big smile that used to make your body tingle, lips twitching up at the corners and heart feel like it doubles in size.

Just that this time it’s shards of glass ripping through my skin and into my bones. Tears pricking at my waterline and breath getting knocked out of my lungs. Whole body deflating when I notice the pretty girl standing with her arms wrapped around his middle and kiss pressed to his cheek.

Love you to the moon and to Saturn typed underneath.

And the realisation that he’s never coming back crashing over me like a building being torn down. Rubble and dirt all that’s left behind along with my heart.

Flashes of a face red from crying as I beg for him to not leave, tell me what I could do to make him stay. Without even knowing that he’d been one foot out the door the whole time.

Heart already belonging to someone else. That I was the obstacle he had to get over to be with someone new, someone that would never be me. Not ever again.

#trevor zegras imagine #trevor zegras x reader #trevor zegras blurb #trevor zegras fic #nhl imagine #nhl fanfiction

[chimscake]

5 𝙵𝚄𝙽 𝚃𝙷𝙸𝙽𝙶𝚂 𝙸 𝙳𝙸𝙳 𝚃𝙷𝙰𝚃 𝙶𝙾𝚃 𝙼𝙴 𝙼𝚈 𝙼𝙰𝙽𝙸𝙵𝙴𝚂𝚃𝙰𝚃𝙸𝙾𝙽 𝙵𝙰𝚂𝚃𝙴𝚁 𝚃𝙷𝙰𝙽 𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝚂𝙿𝙴𝙴𝙳 𝙾𝙵 𝙻𝙸𝙶𝙷𝚃

Since I feel like I owe you a little update: I'm working on a big post about everything I know on the law from the scientific perspective, as I said in the last post, but since I want to make it as complete and understandable as possible, it is taking a lot of time. Since the beginning of February I've been literally re-reading a shit ton of books and taking proper notes to make this post. Today I can say it's coming along really nice and I hope it will be ready to post soonish, but I can't guarantee anything cuz I've been and will be super busy with other things as well. Since I really don't want to leave my blog empty for such a long time I thought I would make a shorter post to fill the void. I hope you like it <3

DISCLAIMER: as we all know, all you really need to manifest is affirm once and believe it's done, so you don't really need to do any of these things. But if you struggle with consistency when it comes to saturating your mind, you should consider trying things that are more fun, so that you have more incentive to do it. It is your universe after all, so why not do something a little more exciting that just sitting in your house?

1) Making fake phone calls even in public: I used to do this a lot a long time ago. I would simply hang out and go to the park or to the mall or anything really and I would pretend I was on the phone with someone talking about my desires as if they came to be already. I just LOVE the looks on peoples faces when they hear me talk about my blooming business and the crazy things I bought. The only difference is now IT IS ALL TRUE

2) To manifest being rich, surround yourself in wealth: walk through a wealthy neighborhood, go into a luxury shop, hang out in a luxury hotels lobbys... this truly helps with feeling in the wish fulfilled because the more time you spend around wealth and luxury the more you will get used to it and the more it will feel and be part of your life. If you feel insecure about walking into Louis Vuitton or any other luxury shop just because you don't look like you are rich and you are afraid of being judged listen to me right now: I've worked in retail for luxury brands and I can GUARANTEE you that there are plenty of wealthy people who shop at these places and look like they don't own a cent. Shop assistants never pay too much attention to how people present themselves because it's not always a good indicator of wealth, so just relax and go inside like you own the place, even if you're wearing h&m.

3) If you want to manifest a relationship with an sp, do things that you would consider romantic for yourself. Buy yourself flowers, comfort yourself with kind words or take yourself out on dates. This is useful to get yourself used to getting pampered and to make your subconscious belive the fact that you are in a relationship even more clearly. One day I bought myself a rose and I kept affirming that my sp was the one who got it for me. This one works like a charm

4) Work on you confidence and your mindset. Being confident and believing that things are always good in your life and that nothing bad can happen to you is a state that gets you literally anything. Do things that make you feel confident and positive as much as possible. For me these are wearing clothes and makeup in the style I like, complimenting other people, listening to music, eating food I like and spending quality time with the people I love. I recommend praying if you are religious.

5) Know/affirm that capitalism ain't shit compared to you. People, and especially young ones, are afraid of the consequences of capitalism, such as global pollution and the fact that the rich are getting richer, while everyone else struggles to afford groceries and rent. The state the world is in can be reason for negative thoughts and loss of ambition. But as the conscious creator you are, you can just decide that these aren't problems anymore and that the situation is only getting better, you can decide that billionaires have to listen to everyone else and make the world a better place. Here are some of the affirmations I use:

"capitalism ain't shit compared to me"

"i am the one billionaires hate because im getting richer without playing their game"

"world leaders and billionaires do as I please because they are afraid of my power"

"the rich are getting poorer and the poor richer because i said so and thats it"

"i am an environmentally conscious and generous billionaire"

Hope this inspired you <3

Chimscake

#manifestation #law of assumption #loa #loassumption #manifesting #master manifestor #affirmations #selfcare #self love #subconscious #self concept #specific person #unlimited money #money #wealth #luxury

[wasabidottie]

she needs him (Jschlatt)

A/n: IM SORRY IVE BEEN MISSING IN ACTION!! I've been working my ass off so i have money before school starts, and then i went to the best amusement park in America, so I've been a busy little bee. I don't really have any inspo, so if you have any ideas pls let me know :)))))) I wanna write more, but its kinda tough to get myself started. inspired by she needs him by her's

The air was heavy with a mix of summer humidity and tension as Schlatt leaned against the rough wooden railing of the boardwalk. The neon lights of the carnival cast an eerie glow, illuminating the swirling patterns of people moving around him. Laughter and chatter echoed in the background, a stark contrast to the turmoil he felt inside.

His eyes were fixed on a couple in the distance, their figures silhouetted against the vibrant chaos. The girl he couldn't help but care for was there, her laughter dancing on the breeze. But she wasn't alone; she was nestled close to him, the guy who wasn't Schlatt.

Schlatt clenched his jaw, the bitterness rising within him as he watched them. He had known her for so long, had shared countless laughs and deep conversations, had felt his heart skip a beat every time she smiled. But somewhere along the line, she had slipped through his fingers, her heart finding solace in someone else's embrace.

"Oh why can't she be alone for good," Schlatt's thoughts echoed with the lyrics, a lament in his soul. He took a swig from the beer bottle in his hand, the bitterness of the alcohol mirroring the ache in his chest. "So I can dream and never dare?"

He had dared to dream of a future with her, had dared to imagine a life where her laughter was his daily soundtrack. But reality had dealt him a cruel hand, presenting him with the scene before him - a scene that stabbed at his heart like a thousand knives.

As the couple continued to stroll along the boardwalk, their affectionate gestures like a punch to Schlatt's gut, he turned away, his grip on the railing tightening. His eyes squeezed shut, trying to shut out the sight that twisted his insides.

He had tried to bury his feelings, to ignore the warmth that spread through him every time she was near. He had joked and laughed, had played it off as if he were unaffected, as if his heart didn't ache with every stolen glance. But now, as he stood there in the dim carnival lights, he couldn't deny the truth any longer.

His heart felt heavy, burdened by a love that he had no right to claim. He had missed his chance, had let his insecurities and doubts hold him back while someone else had stepped in to fill the void he had left.

Schlatt let out a bitter chuckle, the sound mingling with the distant carousel music. "How am I ever to compare?" The lyrics were a haunting refrain in his mind, a reminder of what he had lost and what he could never have.

As the night wore on, Schlatt found himself wandering the carnival alone, his steps heavy and aimless. The lights, the sounds, everything felt distant and unreal, a backdrop to the storm raging within him. He took another swig of his beer, his gaze fixated on the colorful chaos around him.

"Please, don't say that she needs him" he whispered to himself, the words a desperate plea to the universe. He knew he couldn't change the past, couldn't alter her choices. But the ache in his heart, the longing for a different outcome, remained.

As the carnival lights began to fade and the night grew darker, Schlatt found himself standing at the edge of the boardwalk once more. The couple was nowhere to be seen, but their presence lingered like a ghost in his thoughts.

He took a deep breath, his fingers trembling as he let go of the railing. The stars above him seemed to twinkle with a mocking brilliance, and he felt like a solitary figure lost in an infinite expanse of heartache.

With a heavy heart and a deep sigh, Schlatt turned away from the boardwalk, the lyrics of the song still echoing in his mind. He walked into the night, the weight of unspoken words and unfulfilled dreams resting heavily on his shoulders.

#chuckle sammy #jschlatt x reader #jschlatt x you #schlatt #schlatt x reader #schlatt x you #jschlatt #chuckle sandwich x reader #she needs him

[fatalitysficbakery]

𓆰♡︎𓆪 Empty Planet. —

Selina Kyle x Black Fem!Y/n

genre: smut/angst/(???) fluff.

warnings: slight religious trauma, end of the world au, grief, death, apocalypse, oral (reader!receiving), tribbing, soft dom!selina, sub!y/n, depression mentions, sweet sapphic bs.

synopsis: opposite lifestyles lead two people together in a time of crisis.

↳ 𓆰 Fatalitysficbakery navigation menu 𓆪.

↳ 𓆰 Fatalitysficbakery multifandomed &&’ oc menu 𓆪.

❦ ⌫ ❦

The silence is deafening, the streets of Gotham have never been so quiet, I can hear myself breathing as I trek through the empty streets with an uneasy feeling in my chest, it's all too serene. I can hear the wind whistling in my ears; There isn't a body or vehicle seen as the sun rises, the morning rush no more.

There isn't a danger in sight and that's somehow more unsettling than it'd usually feel when it was the opposite. My apartment coming into view is my only solace, I'm back home and that's all that matters to me as I push my way into the door, looking over my shoulder expectantly like I'm searching for something something that I know won't come. Something is seriously wrong, my chest gets tight, and anxiety fills me. I always thought I liked the isolation, until I became finally, truly alone. — It terrified me more than anything.

𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♥︎𓆪𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♥︎𓆪𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♥︎𓆪𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♥︎𓆪𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♥︎𓆪𓆰♡︎

Y/n.

My alarm didn't go off, and when it did I was already awake looking around frantically, my eyes shifted to the clock. -- 8:30 a.m. I was late, as all fuck, pushing myself out of bed and rushing to my closet I throw on my scrubs, fight with my hair putting it into two puffballs, and attempting to do some kinda makeup look for the day.

As normal, I check my phone for messages from friends and family only to find that none have been sent, not even my mother's name is lit up and she was one of the most overbearing women I knew in this world, she'd have been hassling me last night, not just today.

It's weird. I feel...weird. Grabbing my purse, I sling it over my shoulder just about to leave when I hear a door swing open outside of my apartment; Looking through the peephole, I vaguely peep the figure of my neighbor from upstairs swiftly walking by.

There's something about the abruptness that makes my stomach lurch.

↳

There was no one there, there was no one... She had driven to the hospital, only to venture inside to a seemingly abandoned building, even patients that had been admitted just hours before had completely vanished into thin air. She feels the wind whip past her face, and shivers, turning on her heels to leave the voided hospital and get back home.

There were tears in her eyes, she panicked and repeatedly texted her mom but to no avail, she ventured back into her apartment with no responses from anyone on her contact list.

She screams. She screams her lungs out as she walks up the stairs to her apartment, trying to garner the attention of anyone she could. Her throat straining itself when she did, she continued...until she could no more. Until her voice became raw.

"That's not gonna work."

She spins around to find the source of the voice she hears. Eyes landed on Selina, a face she'd only briefly seen in the hallways once or twice, the woman was quite the busybody and because of her own schedule they never really got to interact either coming or going when the other was doing the opposite.

"That's not gonna work. We're alone. I don't know why, I don't know how but we're alone."

"Alone." She repeats, her voice hoarse, and raspy. She relents and leans against the wall, tears pricking the corner of her eyes, she shakes her head, her voice dissolving into a whisper, she whimpers.

"No...no...We can't be. Right? That's not, that's not possible. Is it"?

As much as she wished to say no, Selina stepped over to the woman, hand resting gently on her arm, she crouched next to her and with a soft sigh, her throat felt tight with the words she wished she didn't have to say. "Anything in Gotham? Is possible."

Y/n's eyes reflect Selina's own, swallowing down the terror, with shock in her eyes, she sniffles. "Okay."

𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♥︎𓆪𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♥︎𓆪𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♥︎𓆪𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♥︎𓆪𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♥︎𓆪𓆰♡︎

Stage One: Denial.

I don't know why I keep calling, she won't answer me. It keeps going to voicemail, but I'm holding out hope. My mother's voicemail replays in my ear and I feel comforted, I feel at peace. If only for a moment I can imagine her arms around me. Selina isn't an awful person but I don't really know her all that well. She's an enigma to me, a puzzle that refuses to be solved, and if she wasn't yelling at me to snap out of it? She was screaming, screaming just like I'd been when we met. I guess we have one thing in common so far.

I slid the phone from her hands on the sixth night, she sobbed an awful lot but I couldn't blame her even if I was hard on her, I couldn't quite blame her. I could tell she was from a different life than the one I was used to, she had a softness about herself, rough around the edges but it showed differently than it did on me. A fragile, vulnerable little thing. She had therapy journals on her nightstand, she was trying to get help, something I was always too cowardly to do.

I don't remember why I did it, but tonight I found myself holding her close to me, she'd been a despaired mess and I was watching her crumble into nothingness. Sweet as pie, how cruel could the world be to such a being? "Shh, shh..."

It took her a moment, but as I was drifting off to sleep I felt her snuggle up to me, her sniffles quieting along with her breathing, I could feel her fall asleep, soundly for the first time since this had started; safely in my arms.

-

Stage Two: Anger.

My call was declined again, well that's an overstatement. It wasn't declined, no one is there to answer me no more. Or maybe they were. I can't tell yet or maybe I'm hoping I can't tell, maybe I do know. I've tried my mom, my sisters, my brothers...All left unanswered not even my best friend, hell not even my greedy money money-hungry boss had answered. No one was there to hear me falling. Plummeting. Mom, you really can't hear me, can you? Oh God...I'm all alone.

"ADRIA, JUST ANSWER THE FUCKING PHONE! PLEASE!" I watch her scream into the phone until she can't anymore, I can see her vein as it pops out when she strains, begging for the world to listen when we both knew the world wouldn't answer back. I walk over to her, once again, my hand grasps onto her phone putting it to the side and slipping my arms around her.

She fights against me, strong for her stature, but in the end, I'm stronger despite it. She finally settles against me, and a world that wouldn't listen would hear the most agonizing devastated screams if only they had their ears open. The world won't listen.

I will. I do.

"Hey listen listen, let it out, hun. Let it all out."

-

Stage Three: Bargaining.

I've never been religious, well, I grew up in a Christian household but it'd be a lie to say we went to church every Sunday, my parents weren't the most devout and therefore I never really grew attached to it. I knew the basics of God and Christianity but that's as far as my knowledge before college had extended. Here I am now, on my knees with hands clasped and tears rolling down my eyes, desperate as fuck, praying to a God I'm not sure I fully believe in. I needed his help. I needed anyone's help and so far, no one has heard me so maybe, just maybe...He will. Please hear me, God.

"Do you believe in God, Sel"? It had been two months since this had started, Y/n's head is in my lap, I have my lips wrapped around the rim of a cold beer, my nails massaging her scalp, and Santa Baby playing distantly in the background, wasn't even December but it sure helped lighten the mood.

"No, but I believe in an afterlife. I just feel like it's a little different than people make it out to be."

"Like what? No horns blowing? No walking on clouds?"

"No horns blowing. No walking on clouds. I think it goes either way, it's what you make it. Depending on your mindset..."

Y/n sat up, turning her body to face fully towards me, her lips formed into a small smirk as if she'd found out a huge secret she couldn't wait to spill. "So like...We create our own reality? Our own Heaven? Hell?"

My brows peak, and I tip my beer her way in agreement with her assessment. "We create our own heaven or hell."

"Mind if I steal that theory?"

-

Stage Four: Depression.

I gave up, I could feel myself drowning the moment Selina broke the news to me that we truly were alone, why did I need to try anymore? It wouldn't bring them back, so I...I stopped. I stopped eating, I barely slept, I could feel myself slipping. It was about time that I fell. I miss my people. I wish I hadn't taken time for granted, taken them for granted. I look at the liquor bottle near my side and as appealing as it looks the pounding headache that already existed prevented me from taking the littlest sip. I could feel a tear rolling down my cheek, not many of those came out nowadays since I'd been doing too much of it, but now...I guess I wasn't done?

"You're gonna get sick." Mumbling, I simply take her into my arms once more, but this time her arms drape around my neck and she holds onto me for dear life, her sobs shuddered and unsure. The poor thing was terrified, and I couldn't keep lying to her and telling her that all would be okay.

I was becoming unsure myself. The nights were getting longer.

-

Stage Five: Acceptance.

It's getting hot, the a/c has been working overtime trying to combat the Gotham heat, but Jesus was it getting worse. It's a good 6-months since it all started, I believe. Neither of us could muster up the fear anymore, we just confided in one another and willed it all to be okay. We used to fall asleep cuddled up, and we still do but lately, we both wake up on other sides of the bed, sweat damp on our skin and both the a/c and fan blasting but nothing was working anymore, so I stopped caring and she did too. We'd stay close, as few layers possible on our bodies, forehead to forehead. Why fate had made us the only two surviving? I'll never know for sure, but I'm glad that it did despite the circumstances, I'm scared. I don't know what's going to happen. But I know that I'm glad, grateful that she's here beside me. Hey, God? If you are real. If you can hear me, thank you...for Selina.

My arms are wrapped around her waist, she fits snugly against me like she's always been made to be there, and I find myself truly convinced that she is supposed to be here, my lips pressed to the side of her head, I don't know what I've done to deserve her but I thank the universe that she was sent to me.

I can feel the sweat drip down my brow, but I can't find it in me, the energy to focus on anything but her as she turns in my arms, big e/c eyes fixed on mine. She feels like a memory, she's here right here, now, I can reach out and touch and yet she feels like nothing more than a memory, a sonnet from a past so far away. My thumb swipes across her lip, and I can see the tears in her eyes, her sweet, candy-coated voice rings out so clearly in my ears with a plea so beautiful, that I play it on repeat in my mind. "Please, Selina? Kiss me."

I mustn't deny her. I can't.

𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♥︎𓆪𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♥︎𓆪𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♥︎𓆪𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♥︎𓆪𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♥︎𓆪𓆰♡︎

Entwined are their limbs as the sun rays begin to beam down upon them, peeking in through the window yet neither form laid across the bed is in too much of a hurry to pay attention to the rising sun; Their eyes are kept on one another, Selina's fingers playing with Y/n's curls, their lips only just parting one another, it was a love like this that Y/n thought she'd never achieve and Selina thought she'd never deserved.

Selina's hands move to the hem of the younger woman's shirt, her mouth damn near dry as she speaks as if to a wounded animal, her words caressing her lover's ears gently. "Can I?"

"Of course, I want you to." Y/n's eyes are still glossed over with hints of her emotions pushing to the surface, the moment proved difficult for her and by no fault of Selina's or her own. She wanted this.

Selina, hesitant, grabs her chin between her fingers and tilts her head up so that she has to look her in the eyes, her other hand testing the waters with just a skin prickle of touch on her inner thigh. "Y/n. Are. you. certain? I will not ask again, I just need one more confirmation and I'm all yours, baby."

Y/n's answer remains the same, with no hesitation, she reiterates her earlier confirmation, breath catching in her throat when she spoke. "I'm certain, I want you. I want this." Her hand tugs at Selina's and that's when the Cat knows she's done for. She's sinned more times than she could count on 10 fingers or 9 lives, she wasn't above one more sin, was she?

One look into deep e/c's, she knew instantly without an inkling of a doubt. — She definitely wasn't.

❦ ⌫ ❦

Selina's hands were entangled with yours, brown eyes gazing deeply into your own, head between your thighs; she'd taken your panties off already, and her eyes roam from you to your cunt, glistening and mouth-watering, she was a man starved and you were her last meal, and you can clock the faintest smirk on her lips as she lowers her mouth to your core, tongue dipping to run over your clit, she groans in pure euphoria from your taste.

Like nothing she'd ever had.

"Catnip." She mutters to herself, reveling in the way you'd shuddered when she first licked up your cunt, diving back in she flattens her tongue against you, pushing your thighs apart, eyes closed, it's almost like she's making out with your pussy, making love to it with her tongue.

You make the mistake of flinching away from her touch, to which she responds by pulling down closer onto her tongue which teases at your hole, prodding and fucking into it gently. Your moans are like music to her ears.

It's not much longer before she says fuck it, pulling her tongue away from your cunt, pushing herself up onto her knees, kneeling at the bottom of the bed in front of you. She sighs, your pussy picturesque in her eyes, pretty, dark brown, and pierced. Her claws run down your abdomen teasingly watching as you clench your abs, she chuckles.

"You trust me"?

"I do. I do, Pumpkin."

"Good." Selina's expression spreads into a shit-eating grin akin to the Cheshire cat, situating herself on top of the woman, their cunts pressed one to the other, pulling a trembled whine from your lips as the friction becomes more noticeable.

You take a deep breath, hips bucking involuntarily, hearing Selina laugh again, her hands moving to hold your hips down, she wags her finger at you, her own hips beginning to roll against you, a soft shuddered moan leaves Selina's parted lips, she whispers out soft praises and reassurances. "You're my good girl, my pretty girl, right? Just lay back and let me take care of you."

"Your good girl..."

When you relax, and give in, she's appeased, setting a controlled pace, neither too quick nor slow, her hips rotating in a circular motion, the sounds are erotic. Intimate. Sloppy. With every push, Selina could hear your arousal mixing with hers, her hand wrapping itself gently around your throat, she nods, shushing you quietly.

"Let me...Unh...Take care of you..."

-

Stage Six: Acceptance.

When I look back on it, do I regret anything? Yeah, yeah I do. I regret not spending more time with my friends and family. But I also regret not telling Selina 'I love you, I just hope she knows. I don't know if I believe in God, but I believe in an afterlife too. The universe put us together for a reason and if our theory turns out to be true, I promise you, Sel...I'm gonna will it to be real. I'll find my way back to you.

If I listed my regrets, we'd be here all night. But I'll tell you what I'll never regret. I'll never regret her. I think she was my last shot at redemption, showed her the love I never let myself show anyone else.

The only thing I want? More time. She's worth that, I think. At least...It was what she deserved.

She fell asleep in my arms, heh, never woulda thought. She broke me out of my shell, wrapped me round her finger, and tightened her grip, and me? I was 100% okay with that.

Hey, Y/n? In the next life, I swear it, I swear we'll have more time. Do you trust me? I swear it...

I love you, sweetheart.

𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♥︎𓆪𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♥︎𓆪𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♥︎𓆪𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♥︎𓆪𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♥︎𓆪𓆰♡︎

It was getting hotter, the sun beamed down upon them, and the two entangled figures lay cuddled up to one another under a thin sheet. Selina's head is on top of Y/n's, who lays on her chest, it was hard to see where Y/n began and Selina ended, but they were both smiling.

Matching smiles that stretched ear to ear, the sun beams hotter, but they only cuddle closer, Y/n whimpers but she doesn't open her eyes.

"Shh...I love you."

Before Y/n could answer a word, the sun nears closer. and in a trembling sob, she can only speak one word before the heat overtakes them. "Selina..."

. . .

Silence. She can feel the ground beneath her turn into nothingness, alone in a void of darkness, she feels nothing but coldness now. Looking around, she starts to call out for Selina but she knows it'll be a fruitless battle. She feels the tears coming but wills them back.

"Mind if I steal your theory?" She asked Selina as they lay chest to chest in bed talking, her leg thrown over Sel's. "Again?" Selina chuckles, leaning over her to put out her blunt, humming softly, she sighs, "Tell you what, Mon Cherie." Grabbing her hands into her own, she kisses her forehead sweetly and wraps her arms around the woman, "You steal the theory, yeah? If it proves to be real, you better will me back to you with all your motherfucking might, mama. Aight? Not letting death fuck us over. Deal? I love you too much."

She wipes away the stray tears, looking around into the darkness. She calls out.

"Selina?! ...Selina? Deal." Clearing her throat, she can't stop the tears now, feeling one fall down the apples of her cheek. "I love you too."

𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♥︎𓆪𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♥︎𓆪𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♥︎𓆪𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♥︎𓆪𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♥︎𓆪𓆰♡︎

A/N: Have no idea why this plot has been plaguing me for the last few weeks but happy holidays, y'all!!! :D

#fatalitysficbakery #fatalitysficbakery multifandomed n oc menu #fanfiction #scenarios #fanfic #fic #fics #writing #writings #my writing #my writings #my fic #my fics #x black fem reader #x black reader #black reader #black authors #black writers #black y/n #dc catwoman #dc fanfic #dc fanfiction #catwoman fanfiction #selina kyle fanfiction #selina kyle x reader #selina kyle #catwoman #catwoman x reader #multifandom #multifandom masterlist

[manna-moth]

The scent of decay filled my nostrils as we approached the entrance of the affectionately named, "Corpse Of A God". The only known entrance, what we believe to be a stab wound in a would be finger. Its' still fresh blood and flesh making stomach churning squishing noises as we step into the wound. "Go to medical school" they said. "You'll become very successful," they said. Well they didn't say anything about being forced to study the insides of an unknown creature so big that we can't estimate its size. From the rumors I've heard, people believe the creature is so big it could step on earth and not notice, but the rest of the body is in another universe. Such bullshit. How would something like that even work, much less exist? The glass on my oxygen mask fogged as the exterior temperature reached boiling point. The major fluctuation of the Alaskan wilderness temperature to the inside of the creature was sudden enough to make me go dizzy. As my team and I descend into the creature, the light around us seems to dim. I looked behind me, only to find that our only entrance, and therefore only exit, was now covered with shark tooth looking giant bone fractures. Great. Now we will have to wait for however long it takes security to break through those to leave.

It has been… what? 5 hours now? Probably. I didn't bring a watch. I sat at the entrance, waiting for them to get done cutting through the bone thing. I don't know how far they have gotten, but it's taking forever. My team leader went to take a leak a while ago, did he get lost? I swear, if they didn't give us a map of what they've discovered Ialready then that's gonna cause massive confusion when traversing the inside. Might as well go check on him. As I got up, I nearly tripped on myself. Fucking hell, despite being a decomposing corpse, the inside is still very wet. Maybe it's a size thing? I travel a bit deeper into the corpse, making sure not to stray too far from the wired path, acting as my only light source. I don't know what went over me, but during my attempt at looking for my missing teammate, I somehow left the wire path. I didn't even notice, until I bumped into a warm, fleshy wall. I look around, now the only illumination given to me is the flashlights set onto my head. God knows how long those will last, but how much oxygen do I have left? I can't check because it's on my back. Supposed to have a teammate check it for you, "build trust". Wasn't there only 2 ways before? Now that my eyes have adjusted, I count at least 7. Maybe I just missed them due to my eyes not being used to the inky void-like blackness engulfing the entirety of this thing.

How long has it been? Minutes? Hours? I've lost track of time for the most part. I just know it's daytime. Guess my internal clock is just fine tuned now that I can't see the damn sky. For some reason, I haven't gotten tired in any way, by now I should've gotten hungry or thirsty. Maybe even sleepy, but no. It's like the heat of the creature is suffocating me in a way that keeps me from ever tiring. Weird metaphor, I know, but that's what it feels like. Wait, what am I stepping in? Is… is that blood? Oh god, I may have overestimated how far into decomposition this thing is in. Oh god, I can smell it. Wait, why can I smell it? I have an oxygen mask. Maybe a leak somewhere? Can't take it off to inspect, lord knows how many pathogens are running wildly around in here. I suddenly hear what sounds like multiple footsteps on the bloodied floor, for some reason, I'm not at all relieved as I should be. I feel my body freeze as a burning chill ran down my spine, dread overflowing from myself. I should- no… I HAVE to hide. I run the opposite way, my visor fogging more and more till I can hardly see until the floor disappeared out from under me. My body feeling as though it's floating under immense pressure and everything goes black.

I woke up, covered in some sticky, yellow slime. I barely got my head out of this mysterious liquid by the time my vision finally unblurred. It feels as though chains are binding my arms under the pus. My body burn, shaking. I cling onto the only solid, non-mucus covered thing I find within arms reach. I resist vomiting as much as I can. Just as I dreaded, there is a leak somewhere in my tank, the yellow liquid filling my oxygen mask. I throw it off, rather be killed instantly from the lack of oxygen than drowning.

Except. I don't. I can breathe. I open my eyes, viewing a honey-like root sprouting from a bioluminescent plant. I pull myself up, nearly slipping back into that pus filled ocean. I take a moment to gather my thoughts. My head races, not being able to catch up with the events that just transpired. How did I get here? The last thing I remember was hearing those footsteps. Then nothing but the feeling of weightlessness followed by being in that vile. The green glow of the plant, that looks to be a type of odd tree, a twisting trunk meeting a bundle of silk-like leaves that glows a near neon green. I look beyond the tree, seeing multiple fauna resembling it. A hanging, plastic looking flower, glowing almost the same green. I climb the tree to see if I can eat the leaves. For some reason, the more I climb the farther away the top of the tree seems, as though it's extending specifically so I do not reach the top. I look below me and nearly pass out. I can no longer see the ground, nor the other illuminating plants. I begin making my way back down, but like with the leaves it seems pointless. I might be so high up I can't return to the bottom, or it's extending the bottom for me not to reach the end. I get an idea, and let go completely. I fall, and fall, and fall. Surely I should have landed by now, I didn't climb for THAT long. I then suddenly hit something, stretchy as I continued to descend but slowing my own descent.

I look around again, what was once an inky void now replaced with fleshy walls, illuminated by something behind them, showing massive veins mazing all around. A strong breeze pulls me one way. I'm barely able to keep myself standing, my feet slipping down the lubricated flooring. Suddenly, the breeze stops. I regain my composure and it begins again. This time, the breeze is so strong it knocks me on my feet, carrying me down the tunnel with it. I look behind me and my stomach drops. The shark-tooth looking bones have begun protruding from what may be an exit, or at least a somewhat safer area. With a snap and crack, I crash into the bone things. one of my arms gets punctured by a tooth. Great, now if they have blood borne pathogens I'm screwed. My head spins with a mix of regret, hatred and terror. I should never have become a doctor. I never should have trusted whoever claimed they had discovered a new species bigger than a blue whale. I don't wanna die here!

I freeze. feeling something crawling up my back, unable to move, unable to count how many feet it has. I try to free my arm from the bone thing, and it produces smaller spikes. The pain Is agonizing, shooting throughout my entire body like a million needles surging in my bloodstream. Whatever is crawling on my back is now wrapping itself around my forehead, I can now hear its creaking limbs. Suddenly, the bones retract, causing me to fall down to the gooey floor. I see another tunnel at the end of this room. For some reason, I feel no need to remove the creature from my forehead. I even… welcome it. The company, potential friend. I limp to the entrance. Exit? I don't know what this counts as. Just as I pass into the tunnel, the large room behind us shifts into a 3 way tunnel itself. One way, it gets really dark. The creature, staying on my head, extends down to the top of my spine. I'll call it, Tomato. Yeah, me and tomato, traversing the creature.

We will go down the darkened corridor. We would know that artificial lights cause such darkness, ironically. But what if they don't want to see us? What if the humans don't accept Tomato? If they don't, we can just @~°•■•¤€&^%÷. But what if they do? Why wouldn't they? Tomato is beautiful. They need to accept Tomato. We will leave this place, and Tomato will become the most beloved being in creation. We'll see a light. Whoever it'll belong to will seem lost, but calm. We will run towards them. We need to. We need to catch them. Show them they don't need their oxygen mask. It'll get them killed in here. They will hear us, and run the other way. That'll be a shame, since they would fall into the floor.

After the person fell, the floor closed. The tunnels arranged for us to leave. We saw the exit, the bone fractures have been cut through- but we see no workers. We stepped into the warm Alaskan air, breathing in the moist air filled with a hint of iron. We need to look for signs of human life, they need to know we didn't die. We find a human car that seemed to have crashed. We open the cars top, searching for some food. Nothing. Only blankets were left behind. It could take days before we see more humans, so we should take what we can get. We devour the cloth, but it isn't enough, so we rip off the roof of the car, tear it into tiny pieces and we will snack on that on our way to human civilization. Humans will have food, they always do. More food- BETTER, food.

We walk through the ash, yet feel no cold. Our digits have stiffened too much, our nerves have died already. I look down at our arm. A ghoulish blue. We've decided it would be too dangerous for us to make a fire, due to the potential shock our body may sustain.

Somethings following us. Maybe someone? No. Not this far from true civilization. Not in these unstable temperatures. Tomatoes frills shake, not from any cold, but from the fear I could sense from him. Whatever was following us, tomato didn't like it. We found another car. Abandoned like the other one. This one actually had food, and gas! The keys still in the ignition, a glove frozen onto it. Starting the car, we turn the A/C on as well, starting off with burning air at first as it cooled. Tomato chirps happily as the coolness covers him like a blanket.

A few hours have passed, tomatoes frills are still shaking from the fear of what is following us. In the mirror, I can see something moving from tree to tree, fast enough to keep up but staying far enough to keep barley out of sight. Whatever it was, it wasn't human. Maybe a wolf? Wolves are fast. If it is a wolf, it must be a lone one. We should keep our eyes on the road though. The snow continues to fall as we pass what looks like destroyed buildings with burn marks. The scattered cars dot the street, some are crashed into a building that was razed to the ground, or seem to have been damaged by fire themselves. The putter of the engine alerts me to the fact that I hadn't stopped to refuel in the last few days. Tomato grunted with disappointed. Stepping out of the freezing car, I'm blasted with a heat hot enough to burn my eyebrows, and a wind strong enough to knock me on my feet. Struggling to reach my feet, the thing that was following us hides behind a shattered wall of brick. Its' dark silhouette and deep eyes stare through me.

Its deep red and bright black scales smoothly coated its rough exterior. A rush of adrenaline flooded our head as Tomato forced us to run from the creature. It barreled after us in a barbarically divine manner, the thuds of its feet making a soft squishing sound as it tried catching us. Tomato urges me to move faster, following his instincts, we swerve left and right at random. We run back into the forest, falling down a hill, getting scrapped by the smooth branches. Vines cover us, tieing us up in a way that's impossible to escape. The creature slowly walks up to us, and puts a claw onto our shoulder. The ground shakes as the vines entered cuts in my body, filling up my veins with their twisting, thorny existence. The pain floods over me as they twist. My head goes numb, everything goes black as I see the creature open its mouth.

. . . .

. . .

. .

We wake back up, surrounded by the stomach churning illumination of the creature's body. The Veins from the wall crawl out of me and back into the wall. Seemingly, the world begins pulsating, the tunnel closing in around us as an overwhelming sense of claustrophobia overtakes our bodies. The only thing stopping it being the odd, rib-like bones that encase this tunnel… no… not Bones… are those.. creatures? From the ribs climbs out numerous entities, their Chitten a milky white as their dozens of eyes peirce into our very being. Their legs chattering as they skitter through the cave. Is this a type of parasite to this creature? Tomato frills freeze, as one of the entities grabs a hold of him, using the ear blistering noise of the others as cover. We fight the things, but they eventually win and pull Tomato off me and. . . What the hell was that thing that was on my back! No. Not just back, my entire body. Roots from the tomato rip out of me as it is torn from me. It got into my head, is that why I saw it as a pet? A shock runs through my body and I get a splitting headache. It feels like my head is trying to explode. Something underneath my skin crawls. It looks like a bump moving around my chest. The calm despair before the creature tried ripping itself out of me, I knew it would happen. I had to kill it before that happened, but how? It was in my chest, and I had no weapon.

As the creature writhed and squirmed inside my chest, a surge of desperation filled my veins. My heart pounded in my ears as I scanned the surroundings, desperately seeking a way to rid myself of the intruder. A glimmer of light reflected off a shard of broken bone lying nearby, catching my attention. I quickly snatched it up, hoping it could serve as some form of makeshift weapon. With trembling hands, I pressed the sharp edge of the bone against my skin, hesitating for a moment before summoning the courage to pierce through. The pain was excruciating, but the sheer will to survive fueled my determination. Blood trickled down my chest as I probed deeper, guided by instinct and a desperate need to eradicate the foreign presence within me.

The creature thrashed wildly in response to my actions, causing waves of agony to ripple through my body. Tears streamed down my face as I fought against the searing pain and the nauseating sensation of something squirming beneath my flesh. With one final surge of strength and a primal scream, I managed to locate the creature and impale it on the makeshift weapon. Relief washed over me as I withdrew the bone, covered in a viscous, black fluid that oozed from the wound. The creature's movements ceased, and the oppressive pressure within my chest subsided. Gasping for breath, I collapsed onto the ground, utterly exhausted but victorious.

Taking a moment to gather my thoughts and regain my composure, I realized I needed medical attention. My body was battered, full of holes, and the wound in my chest would require immediate care. With the last remnants of my strength, I managed to bandage myself as best I could, using torn pieces of my hazmat suit and strips of fabric from clothes underneath.As I lay there, wounded and weakened, the environment around me began to shift once again. The pulsating walls of the creature's body closed in, and the eerie illumination intensified. I knew I had to find a way out, to escape this nightmarish place. Drawing upon the resilience that had carried me thus far, I forced myself to my feet, ignoring the throbbing pain in my chest and the lingering sense of dread.

I continued the venture deeper into the labyrinthine tunnels of the creature. Every step was accompanied by a mixture of fear and curiosity. Terror washed over me at just the thought of what might lay ahead me. The air grew heavier, carrying with it a pungent odor of decay and the faint sound of distant whispers that shook my mind with unknowable knowledge I couldn't understand. Through winding passages and eerie chambers, I pushed forward, driven by the simple desire to not die, and to escape. The walls seemed to close in even further, narrowing the path ahead, making me get onto my hands and knees. My mind became a wandering mess as I tried to block out the haunting echoes and the incomprehensible presence that seemed to lurk just beyond my sight.

. . . . . .

I awoke, clawing my way out of some sort of pod full of a honey-like liquid, its thin outer shell easily collapsed. Once out, the liquid began glowing as it heated up at a rapid pace. It burned my skin, sealing any wound I had shut as my skin boiled under its pressure. I scrambled to get it off of me, but it seemed the more I tried the more it covered me. It continued to get hotter and hotter. I could feel my skin peeling back as my skin cells died. It's heat was unbearable. And then, the heat vanished. Replaced with a chilling cold. This cold was not coming from the liquid. No. The liquid was not cold nor hot. But the world around me. The walls, the ceiling, the floor. They emanated Chill. The normally warm looking reds and oranges of my surroundings were now saturated with cold magenta and purple. My breath was visible, even semi-solid at some points.

I got up, the liquid still covering most of my body. Taking even a single step felt like trying to go against my own body. Steam escaped my once burning body into the unforgiving cold of my surroundings. My hazmat suit was missing. In fact, I just noticed I'm not wearing anything. Not like anyone would see me, but it'd be nice to have some clothes in this temperature. Moving my body makes odd crunching sounds. Looking down, I noticed ice crystals forming on my body, seemingly at war with the liquid for coverage. I really need to find the warmer part of this thing. Or maybe it's in the late stage of decay? How would the decay process affect a creature as large as this? Questions I should ask if I escape.

I ran. Ran as fast as my body allowed. Crunch crunch crunch. That is all I heard for however long I ran. A calm feeling washed over me as I entered an open cavity, the odd glowing plant things covered the ceiling. Small vines crept down from them with a faint dim light coming off various points of the vines. Along the countless walls it looked like bones became tentacles, writhing along to an unheard beat. This place was chaos, yet perfect order. The temperature no longer felt freezing, yet was not as warm as before either. I walked slowly, doing my best to not disrupt whatever these things were doing. The cavity broke off into multiple paths, the walls folding in on itself multiple times causing a single room to become almost more, yet still only one. A large insectoid creature was crawling along the plants. It was seemingly tending to them. It had 6 legs, and 4 manipulators, its body was separated into 2, what looked like a head, and a larger body. It had a straw-like thing where a mouth would be. Its countless eyes were always focused on the plants. Despite the non-threatening feeling I get while looking at it, something in the back of my mind told me I shouldn't get it's attention.

While trying to get past it, my eyes adjusted to the dim light that reached the floor. All over, I noticed odd oval shapes, connected by some kind of vein system. The Veins were pulsating, and the objects rocked back and forth in a rhythm with the pulsing. One of the objects begins moving more rapidly, a crack forming on it as something small crawls out of it. It looked like a smaller version of the creature above. The small one looks up at its mother, and wails hungrily. I froze, not of fear since I couldn't feel that while here. But I froze. An instinct beyond fear? No matter why, but I couldn't move. The large creature comes down towards the small one. It lowered its straw mouth down to feed the small one, and inserted it into its abdomen. The small ones body pruned as it shrunk, a sad and fearful shriek echoed from the small one.

The large creature ascended back onto the ceiling, the corpse of the small one slowly turned to ash in front of my eyes. Trying to continue forward seemed to have just become impossible, with that creature above. What if it notices me? Would it eat me too? Looking back at the area I came from, I saw nothing but a wall and all the bone things wiggling on it. Crap. Turning back to the cavity, I try to figure out how to go forward without making any noise, and without being seen. Tip toeing, I have to keep track of the creature while not disturbing the eggs. 1 step. 2 step. 3 step. 4. One foot in front of the o- *SNAP*.

my foot was now surrounded by the yolk of the egg. The corpse of the unfinished small one being impaled by my leg. Terror engulfs me as I turn around to see the creature on the ceiling running in my direction. I had to hide. Looking around there wasn't anything but the writhing bones. God I hope they're weak.

I run towards the wall, and squeeze in-between the uneven bones. It gets tighter, my own bones begin to collapse in on themselves, the pain indescribable until I fall.

.

.

.

No. Not falling. I'm floating. Gravity feels nonexistent, as well does air resistance seem to not exist. I opened my eyes that I didn't even realize I had closed. I saw in front of me… me. An infinitely larger version of myself. Behind me, I saw stars. Galaxies even far, far away. My body begins shutting down. I fell to a molten planet, into its core. The Planetary body surrounds me. Only my pinky finger being the only thing not surrounded. I can't breathe. My subconscious falling into oblivion. My heart slows, my finger grows cold. I can't move. My head spins as unspeakable shapes and unknowable colors flash in my mind. My head hurts. I just…. I just need to go to sleep for a bit…. I'll wake up eventually. . . .

#writing #short story #story #eldritch

[cosmichighpriestess]

It's always your choice if you want to create a reality of heaven or hell. It's all in your state of consciousness. You have all the power to reprogram your beliefs. Reality is literally a figment of your imagination. It's just a story you tell yourself. When you feel fear and worry understand you are creating the opposite of heaven you are creating more lack and hellish realities. You have all the power within to switch your thoughts and beliefs about everything you don't prefer into what you prefer to experience. Focus more on the images instead of the amount you want or the situation you want. Focus more on the feeling and the experience you want. For my loving, strong empaths who are under spiritual warfare understand and remember that preparing for an attack invites an attack, you are creating it within your present belief system but here is a survival guide: Listen, I know that narcissist and the enemy invoke a lot of fear in you on purpose. But always remember fear is actually an illusion.

You never need to bow down to them. They try it with me, they try to manipulate me, control me, gaslight me, the enemy sends me nightmares, attacks, the narcissists make me feel uncomfortable for speaking, being myself, shame me for anything and everything, disrespect me, call me a bad mother for protecting my daughter, make me feel fear for doing something "wrong ", not the way they want it, standing up for myself ect. But that is why you need to become the observer observing their behavior instead of reacting to it. Forget setting boundaries because they don't know what boundaries are. Especially if they are physically abusive. Yes of course, stand up for yourself if you are able to but sometimes that just leads to more heavy abuse. Their demons came to steal, kill, and destroy. Don't fall victim to their old outdated, archaic tactics. They are so predictable.

Zoom out, see the higher perspective. Imagine you are someone else watching this pathetic person belittle another person (you) and you are just silently taking notes on the things they say and do. Think to yourself ,

"Oh interesting that they appear to put down everyone in this movie, everyone at the store and they have nothing nice to say about anyone. Hmmm so I'm just another trigger for them because they are wildly insecure. Oh interesting they have no boundaries because no one told them they felt uncomfortable around them. I'm the first person to introduce them to boundaries. Oh wild, they project onto everyone not just me. The audacity. " And what is it you think the narcissist is actually experiencing within themselves? The reason why they invoke so much fear in you and others for speaking up is because they are the ones who are terrified of being called out. They are actually at an elementary level of consciousness appearing to be grown adults who never received the love they needed from their parents. They are in fear of basically everything. They are afraid of your feelings, they will invalidate your feelings and then attack you for telling them how you feel.

They cannot regulate their self-esteem, or emotions(they are terrified of their own feelings) they are completely dependent on outside validation and narcissistic supply. They need your attention. It's a hit to their ego when you ignore them. They feel entitled to being above the law, being above other people, they feel entitled to your energy. They fear not having a new narcissistic supply to feed off of, they also fear prison/jail for the heinous things they've done to innocent people.

They are afraid of people like me that know their psychology because they don't want you to use their own psychology against them, they don't want to feel any type of shame bringing them back to the shame they felt from their childhood. They feel worthless, unlovable, ect. and they feel as though they have no real value. They feel empty inside, they attempt to fill the void with everything EXCEPT the things that would actually allow them to feel fulfilled and connected to their true self. They are living in constant denial. They live in constant denial that the emptiness is there. Their feelings of lack of self worth is the reason for their exaggerated sense of their worth. They are deeply afraid of the consequences of their own actions. They are afraid that their reputation is going to be ruined. They fear being powerless over you or situations they feel they have no control in which is why they try to take your power away from you to avoid humiliation and accountability.

They don't allow themselves to feel anything they are avoiding and will blame you and twist the truth to make themselves feel better because they are deeply insecure. They barely have any empathy if they have it all. They are in competition with you constantly whether you are aware of it or not. They have no intentions on healing because they are terrified of feeling their feelings and they have invented a false identity they actually convinced themselves is who they are but they have no idea who they are because they avoid inner work so they have no idea who you are and invented a false persona for you. Because it serves their fragile ego.

As you can see they are more afraid of you than you realize. So next time they invoke fear in you and project onto you their own fears and insecurities just start laughing at them. Just go somewhere else. Go outside, in the next room ect. And laugh to yourself because you were more secure in yourself the entire time.

When you are alone, meditate, connect with God, give your burdens to God and your angels or spirit guides and then reprogram yourself so that you no longer attract these types in your future. Love on yourself even if it triggers them, just start believing in yourself and keep observing them without reacting because they feed off ANY reaction or attention you give them. If they are physically abusive, be silent and observe and record them secretly when they are being abusive if you can. Plan out your responses in a smart way. Do not call them out and don't let them know you know their weaknesses. Always carry protection if you are around someone physically abusive and always be ready to hit record on your phone. But it is best to get away if you can, just take your losses because God will give you back everything they took xten. Trust and have faith. And reprogram your beliefs that are creating this situation within yourself because these unfortunate circumstances were created within you first to begin with. All is well, don't worry about anything when you have God no weapon formed against you shall prosper. Keep focusing on yourself and your own happiness, you must have a burning desire to change your state of circumstances by going within.

#messages #survival guide #narcissist #Heaven or hell?

[zukkaoru]

Hello I'm making a kunikidazai playlist, do you have any song recommendations?🎶

*rubs hands together* yes in fact i do!

i have my own kunidazai playlist which you are free to peruse, but i will list out some of the songs on there that i think are most Them also this got long so it's continued under the cut skdfgfhghk

four tequilas down by dodie - drunk hookup moment

four tequilas down who gives a shit if we're messing around they'll never know, they'll never know so just hold me like you mean it we'll pretend because we need it

let it be me by david guetta ft. ava max - dazai, who has never been loved in a way that doesn't hurt x kunikida, who shows him love doesn't have to mean blood and pain

when you're faded and alone and need somebody on the phone let it be me, let it be me

love me more by mitski - dazai who feels that he's completely empty inside, desperate for anything to fill that void. and kunikida who is willing to stay with dazai until he realizes that he was never empty to begin with.

i need you to love me more love me more, love me more love enough to fill me up fill me up, fill me full up

reckless driving by lizzy mcalpine - canonically terrible driver dazai x canonically safe driver kunikida. but really it's a metaphor for "could this ever last when i want different things from a relationship than you do? and should i let go before we both crash, to at least save myself even if i can't save you?"

i don't love you like that i'm a careful driver and i tell you all the time to keep your eyes on the road but you love me like that you're a reckless driver and one day it will kill us if i don't let go

sidekick by walk the moon - 'sidekick' in more of a 'partner' type way. they're both the sidekick. anyway another hookup moment

something in the air is giving me bad ideas something in the air is giving me wicked thoughts, like why don't you stay at mine tonight? why don't you stay with me and be my sidekick, sidekick?

you signed up for this by maisie peters - this is just a dazai song in general tbh. it's about the wanting so desperately to be better and knowing you can get there, but the path to your final destination is blurred and you have no idea how long it will take and all you can do is hope the people you care about won't give up on you and leave you before you make it there

please, don't give up on me yet i know i'll get better, i'm just not better yet can you tell i'm trying? running out of breath i know i'll get better, i'm just not better yet

#my playlist is organized alphabetically btw so don't expect any chronological coherency fdgfhhjkj #ummmm anyway i have a lot of feelings abt the songs i add to my character / ship playlists #forever waiting for the day when spotify lets us annotate playlists bc i need it so bad. i will be writing essays on every song #hope this helps at least a little !! #anon asks #asks #kunidazai

[coffee-ouji]

Damn it! I feel weird again! I feel like I wanna fall in love again! I feel lonely but I don't wanna reach out to anyone! I feel damned into feeling a need that has to be satiated that is metaphysical When I met contact with friends or peers I leave the situation feeling empty- Like I have to remain there, I have to have them by me all the time, yet instead of enjoying the moment, I am grieving that something is still not happening I need to be filled, I need to stop this feeling eating me from inside but I can't do it by myself! It's a need of being needed! I want to feel like I am indispensable, like I am missed, like I make people think about me when I'm not there, like I was someone more than the instant- I wanna be the memories, the emotions dragging throughout the day, expecting to meet them and bursting with joy. I don't wanna lie, to say "I have to leave now" because I wanna stay- even longer- because I'm still expecting that peak to reach, that need to be fed, to leave feeling satisfied

But then... the days- the weeks- the months go by; I am still grieving I cannot see anybody else. Because, my friends, they have responsibilities to attend- I do myself! But they don' make me feel good because I am not seeing the goal behind the task completed, I just see another task, then another, then another... there's no prize at the finish line: It's just more tasks. More things in between the way of me and my happiness, the things that I enjoy I am sorry if I am a little pissy for being unhappy when I spend all my free time on my 'puter laughing at funny things, squeaking at cute things and somebody else made you believe those things are my happiness... well- they are! But it's a small taste I get to enjoy while I'm trying to reach that so called "finish line"

I need a break to heal this "situation" because I cannot find the words to say what's it even supposed to be- but the world around me will not stop; the days, the weeks the months! Will not stop! There's a time for everything fixed in front of me that I can't modify and I feel as if I were to break everything that has been carefully been accomplished one way or another, that my effort in trying to not break down and mess everything up all this time has been for nothing and I'd have to start everything from scratch... But it's gonna be easy... It's going to be all the same, all over again. I will think I'm feeling better only to realize it was a front I put for myself, to make myself believe that "I can get over this" and "I have gone through this before, it will go away eventually" well, I'm sorry, myself, I do not want to carry anything anymore, I wanna keep going without any of this bs- this cycle I perpetuated on myself of believing there is way you can do it but you can't! You can't! And it's Absolutely Fine You Just Can't You never could! You were never supposed to go through this! I wish I could fill that void with a hug myself but I'm going to need someone else to do it because my arms hurt from hugging myself constantly already.

I hope I can rest well, wake up well, eat well- all by myself. But I really need somebody to do this for me at the moment.

#vent #tw vent #tw depersonalization #self love #self healing #self worth #depersonalization #i wrote my mental breakdown i'm dizzy now #this goes directed to myself

[bending-sickle]

Mark Sheppard on the podcast "Inside of You With Michael Rosenbaum"

Mark Sheppard: It was just on of those things where I didn't want the path he [his father, William Morgan Sheppard] had because I didn't -- like you -- like watching the negatives of what our job is. When you see people that don't love it, or struggle with it, or start to get angry 'cause the work isn't there, or frustrated 'cause they're getting older or whatever, and the time is getting harder for them. There's less and less joy involved in it. And then the other side of that is watching somebody who's happy when they're working and miserable when they're not, which I hate.

Michael Rosenbaum: Have you ever been that guy?

Sheppard: Yeah, many times. My kids will tell you that.

Rosenbaum: Really?

Sheppard: Yeah, my kids will go--

Rosenbaum: How so--well what--why--what made you miserable? 'Cause you haven't drank in 32 years.

Sheppard: Right, but waiting is an action that consumes all other actions. Waiting, the action of waiting, destroys and consumes anything else. So being busy doesn't work for me; I'm too smart to con myself into the idea that I'm busy. But actually doing something -- and being sober is part of that, as you realize... Y'know, just for me in particular, if I sit still and the world revolves around me, I get into a hole and then drinking looks like up. [pause] Does that make sense?

Rosenbaum: Yeah.

Sheppard: 'Cause if it did for you what it does for me, you'd be doing it right now.

Rosenbaum: [pause] Wow.

Sheppard: If it did--does for you-- if heroin--

Rosenbaum: Yeah, I've never--

Sheppard: --alcohol, butane, zippo lighter fluid--

Rosenbaum: You did anything you could get your hands on.

Sheppard: But I didn't think it was like that, but on reflection, looking back, I was trying to find something from the age of 12 that would fill that void.

24:10-25:45, Episode 211, “Supernatural’s Mark Sheppard: Filling a Void”, Inside of You With Michael Rosenbaum podcast (on YouTube)

#mark sheppard #he gives such a good interview #altho michael i am on my knees begging you: #please stop interrupting #(in fairness he interrupts a shitton less here than in other episodes) #tw: substance abuse #i just couldn't get that bit about waiting out of my head

[thelittleepiphanies]

a caffeine driven stream of consciousness

when left alone with my thoughts, i sometimes wonder whether this apparent gift of writing is a boon or a curse - whether it's society that blunts our pencils down, or whether we do so on our own. capitalism lets you follow your dreams, they say. i say unless your dreams and passions align with corporatism and the system, good luck. illusions of freedom in modern society - sweet mirage, splendid oasis. the american dream. chasing something that's only killing you inside, trying to fill the void with material possessions. living out entire lives for everyone and everything besides you - the ideal, perfect life.

when students - literal children, mind you - are so stressed and fatigued to the point of collapse, it scares me to the absolute core how nobody realises something's horrifically wrong with the system, not with the people stuck in it. i honestly don't know what's got all the sardonicism flowing today - might be all the pent up rage against the system, all it stands for, and how people are stuffed into suffocating molds at all stages of life. so much for finding your own purpose. or maybe it's just plain coffee. 

when lost in the midst of all this dystopia, i find a rather peculiar sense of comfort in knowing people who fell prey to the system, and those who are falling. my heart does go out to them, but more so, i identify with them. i feel at ease when i see them.

when i gaze at my reflection in the mirror, i don't recognise myself anymore. around my disintegrated greyscale features, i see labels and expectations and responsibilities that i never asked for. amidst everything though, i find peace when i look at my tired eyes. i integrate again. they're kafka's eyes. tonight, i am kafka. tonight, i know my purpose but don't do anything to seek it.

i am all but a cage, in search of a bird.

#stream of consciousness #kafka

[skylerskyhigh]

"Drowning"

Sequel to this post I made. Warning for a long story plus trigger warning for angst, hurt/comfort.

I stare at the darkness of the water that surrounds me. It's stagnant. Still. Endless cold darkness. It feels fitting for the state of my life. The sky above me is dark, with no stars in sight or even the moon to light the way. It feels like I'm floating in a void, unable to find my way around. Adrift. Alone. In pain...

I lift my hand to stare at the healing bruises and cuts. A glance down my legs showed more healing injuries. Visible evidence of my attempts at swimming, to find my way out of this ocean, but it has gotten me nothing but pain and exhaustion.

A feeling of bitter resentment rises inside of me like a tide. But as quick as it came, it disappears back under the wave of apathy that washes over me. I deflate, the feeling fading away like the waves of the sea hitting the shore. It will come back, like it always does, but I don't want it to come back.

That's a lie. I want to feel something, anything. But not this. Not these feelings.

A splash alerted me to a new presence and I look over to the side as my friend swims up to me.

"Hey!" They smile at me, full of curiosity and interest. I could see the moment they were about to tell me about something they wanted to share, a snippet of their day, something interesting they found, or maybe a little idea they came up with. Then their expression shifts when they notice the look on my face. "Are you okay?"

I stare at them, mulling over the words and how to respond to it.

Such an innocent question. A sweet gesture of interest and concern from one friend to another. A greeting, an acknowledgment of my existence, a way to say 'hey, I care about you and I want to know how you're doing. You are important to me.'

Had anyone else asked this question, my instant reply would be "I'm fine." Because there is a chance they only asked out of courtesy, maybe a surface-level concern from a human capable of sympathy. There's a chance that whatever advice they might give is not what I needed because they don't understand the pain I'm feeling. They don't understand, they don't care, they don't know what I have been through, and whatever advice they might give would just be another cookie-cutter answer I've heard over and over again with no true solution or resolution. Just a way to ease their guilt or to fill their conscious.

But this isn't any other person. This is my friend. Someone who has seen the worst in me, someone who has been by my side through the things I've been through, and someone who understands me in ways I don't understand myself.

An outside perspective, but one built on understanding and care.

So I look away, staring off into the distance. I replied, out of everything I could say, I chose the words that only the people who I trust can hear from me.

"I'm drowning."

My friend frowns, staring at me in concern. They adjust their posture so they are sitting beside me in a more comfortable position while also opening themselves for any act of physical comfort.

They wait for me to continue because they know that I will. I just needed to find the words.

My throat burns as I spoke. "It's hard. It's like I'm drowning with every step I take. I'm struggling to keep myself afloat while also swimming in one direction."

"I-" Tears fill my eyes and I stubbornly held them back. "It hurts so much. I can't- I know I said I'll keep trying but sometimes trying hurts me more than dying! How can I-"

I blink and the tears fall from my eyes, down my cheeks, and into the water around me. The endless sea that stretches on forever, unforgiving and expansive. A void trying to drag me down to suffocate me.

My hands reach up to rub my eyes to try and get rid of the tears but more take their place. Once it has begun, it wouldn't stop. It wouldn't end. I couldn't make it stop.

"Drifting was easier," I confessed through choked sobs. "I know it's bad for me but it hurts too much. I don't want this. I don't want to be like this. I don't want to feel like this! Why am I like this?!"

My scream echoes in the void.

The void doesn't answer me back.

I sob, curling myself into a ball as my tears drop into the sea. "Why is this all so hard? Why can't I just be better? Am I not trying? Am I doing something wrong? Am I just a failure?"

My friend stares at me, their face is solemn and their eyes teary. They frown, staring at the still water around us.

"Life isn't easy... But you know that," They said. "It's hard, but healing is always hard. Life isn't fair and I wish that it was. I wish the world is kinder to you. But I can't make things better... I can't make the pain go away... that's life."

I smile bitterly. Some people would say the words were callous and rude, but it is what I needed to hear. Some things are just not meant to be sugarcoated or covered up.

My friend continues. "You're not a failure. You're not weak. You are strong, so so strong. And you are trying. I can see you trying your best."

"Then why does it feel like nothing has changed?" I ask.

"It does feel that way but I promise you that things are changing," My friend moves closer, offering comfort. I lean into their side. "You're changing small things. It might not feel important but it is. Small steps are needed to make a big change."

I roughly blink my tears away. "I hardly did anything. It's been a month and I haven't done anything."

"You have done a lot. You're trying. You are trying so hard despite what anyone thinks. And that means more than you think."

My friend pulls me into a hug. I lean into their embrace.

"Small steps," They said, their voice shaking as they spoke. "You don't have to change everything all at once. One by one. One pebble at a time. Even a pebble of effort is enough. Just don't give up."

Tears slide down my cheeks. How could such simple words hurt so much? How could such simple words provoke such a reaction?

Maybe it wasn't the words. It's the acknowledgment of my struggle. The affirmation of my efforts. The comfort that it isn't just me and that this is a process. A reassurance that even the smallest effort as trying is enough.

That's enough for me. To help me pick up the pieces of myself. To drag me from the slump and keep moving.

But still... "It hurts."

"I know."

"...Thank you. For everything."

For being my friend. For comforting me. For your words. For your support. For your love and care.

"Always," was their reply.

#creative writing #short story #skylerskyhigh writes #original story