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tuwlips · 5 months

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What if Levi left the Survey Corps and ran away with you, far away. Where no one would find the two of you. Only you and him. Living life in peace and solace.

Levi quits the Survey Corps for you after the encounter with the female titan. He lost too much and many important people. He doesn’t wanna lose you too and spend the rest of his life in regret. The world he lives in is cruel. And he wants to spend the remaining time of his life with you, some place far away. Just the two of you.

Levi and you leave quietly one dawn. The sun had yet to rise. It was the perfect time. You both take whatever’s important to you and leave on his horse which he brought back with him from the Corps.

Levi and you settle in a quiet countryside much far away from the Corps or any place that might hold trouble. Move in a cottage big enough for the two of you.

Levi and you open a tea shop together. He makes tea while you bake. Sure, it’s not much, but as long as you both are together, nothing else matters to him.

Levi and you hold each other close every night. This is what he always dreamed of. Your fingers playing with his soft hair, his hands around your waist. You know he has trouble sleeping and his insomnia won’t go away in a day. But still, with you by his side every night, Levi now sleeps better than before.

Levi and you both know how cruel this world is. How uncertain and unpredictable things are. Yet, you both long for that one thing silently. Neither has the courage to bring it up. Worried what the latter might think.

Levi was the first to break the silence.

“How do you feel…about..” “About?,” You tilt your head in confusion. Nervousness swallows him whole. “Levi?”

“Starting a family.”

He wanted this for so long.

Levi while being in a relationship with you, before marrying you, would think about the possibility of you two starting a family. Having a baby. But alas, he always pushed it far in the back of his mind. The world you both live in, bringing an innocent child here? That would be selfish. He didn’t have any childhood let alone a good one. But.. would it really be selfish?

Levi is so much in love with you. He loves you so much that, he wants to share a life with you. Build a family. A family to call his own. His own precious world. Was he being selfish? Was it too much to ask for?

Levi’s heart fluttered when you said yes.

Levi would go against the world for you. You’re his world. He would give up anything and everything just to be with you, for you. The love he has for you is just incomparable to anything in this world.

This world was cruel, yet beautiful. He had you by his side. Sure the days weren’t easy, but both of you tried your best to make it to the next day together.

Levi’s heart stopped the day you told him the news. You were expecting. No, you both were expecting. It felt surreal to him. Like a dream. A very good one. Too good in fact.

Levi’s tight embrace around you expressed his happiness and the warmth he was feeling. He was holding his whole world in his arms.

Levi buried his head on your neck and pulled you closer to him, afraid to let go. He was happy, truly happy. But also scared. This was something too good to happen to him.

Levi who vowed from that day onward that he will protect you and your little one with his whole life. The world was dangerous, but he would make sure his little one doesn’t experience the same fate as him.

Levi who doesn’t let you lift a finger in your current state. Heavy lifting? Absolutely not. He’ll do that. Laundry? Done. Cooking? He’s a good cook so, don’t worry. Just lay down and rest.

Levi who always gets you your cravings no matter what time of the day it is. Be it midnight or early hours of the morning he’s always ready.

Levi who falls in love with you all over again. Watching you carry and grow his child, both of yours child is like something magical to him. It’s like you’re glowing. You had that fresh and vibrant aura that Levi can’t get enough of. You looked so so beautiful. Was it the motherhood glow or his undying love for you? Levi doesn’t know, he just knows whatever it is, he loves you so much and the life you’re carrying.

Levi who showers you with affection. Carrying a child isn’t easy. The journey was both a mixture of joy and hardship. And Levi was with you through it all.

Levi who holds you when you cry in the middle of the night because you couldn’t sleep. You wanted to, but couldn’t. Your body was so tired, but the baby wouldn’t stop kicking. He holds you against his chest, one hand intertwined with yours and the other running softly through your hair. Sometimes he would rub your belly to soothe it. And when you would fall asleep he would still be awake, making sure you’re okay. Sleep wasn’t important to him. You were. And your little one.

Levi who drops everything from his hands when he comes back home to you writhing in pain. “Levi..,” you cry out in pain. “Help…me-”

Levi who is with you during your labor. Holding your hand tightly and giving you words of encouragement and praises. “Almost there.” “You’re doing so well.” “Just a little more, I know you can do it” “you’re so strong.”

Levi who freezes when he hears the cries of his newborn.

“It’s a girl.”

Levi kisses your forehead wiping away the tears you cried and sweat you had to break to give birth to your little girl. Whispering infinite ‘thank yous’. His forehead on yours.

“I love you.”

Levi who cries for the first time after a long time when he holds his tiny little girl in his arms. She was so soft, so warm and so tiny. So delicate that he was afraid, afraid of hurting her.

Levi who melts when his baby girl coos and nuzzles into his arms. She was now someone very special and precious to him. Someone he vowed to protect with everything he had. He gently kisses her tiny forehead. “I’m so in love with you, tiny brat.”

Levi always thought he would end up alone in his life. His mother left him at an early age. Kenny didn’t stick around for long. His two closest friends died and he couldn’t do anything. And so he quit the survey corps. Because he wanted you. He wanted to spend his remaining days with you. He didn’t want to see his hands stained in the blood of his comrades and innocent youths dying.

Levi who wrapped his one arm around you while the other held his tiny little girl. Your head on his chest and you poked the little one’s cheeks. “She looks exactly like you. I love that.” And indeed she did. The little one was a copy of her father. The nose, the lips, her hair, everything. Everything except, “The eyes are yours.”

“I love your eyes.”

Levi loves you eternally. His life felt meaningless at one point to him, losing people close to him. But you brought meaning to that life. Before, Levi would only fight to live, to protect. He had a duty towards the people inside the walls. An oath to keep to Erwin. A responsibility towards his squad. But now, he fights everyday so that he can live, for you and your daughter. He fights everyday so that he can see you and your precious one. He wants to be with you. To grow old with you and watch his little one grow.

Levi wasn’t alone anymore. He has a family, someone to love and cherish for the rest of his life. He has you.

And you are all he ever wants.

I love you Levi. Happy Birthday 🍮 ᥫ᭡

#levi x reader #levi ackerman x reader #aot x reader #fluff #levi Ackerman fluff #attack on titan levi #levi x yn #levi x reader fluff #levi ackerman #levi fluff #snk #levi #happy birthday levi #levi ackerman x reader fluff #comfort character

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sanjisblackasswife · 1 year

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So.... Hello! I'm not Very good at english since it's not my language but here we Go. I wanna to say i really love your art (from fanarts to your write style) and i Hope you have a good day today. Anyway i don't know If your ask are ope but How the Monsters trio Will react with they being your First in everthing! (Like First Kiss, First love, First s*x, etc) you can do nsfw-ish If you wanted

aww thank u!:) I am not going to go into grave detail because I am already doing a “First time” series with them but i like this request💓imma do it moreso where you’re THEIRS if thats alright

Being the Monster Trio’s First (NSFW-ish)

Black Fem Reader in Mind

CW: Mentions of sex

I am half sleep and typing this all in one go so mb for my spelling errors im just making up for lost time not posting consistently because school and coms☹️

Being Luffy’s First:

Crush: Being his crush is no different from being his best friend, he isn’t a very romantic guy if he likes you he will just tell you, “Y/N I think about you a lot, and I also think you may have a Lust DF power because when I think of you i get hard.” Bless him he is very blunt. BUT he does mean what he says so..be nice?

Kiss: Probably the most anticlimactic thing ever. Luffy already licks your face, hugs, and touches you a lot so when he starts running at you after a fight to see if you’re okay BAM. His lips smack into yours like a bowling ball and honestly. It’s cute. Completely uncoordinated, damn near sucked your bottom lip off, but…there was just something so addictive and attractive to his kiss that made you want more

Love: Very odd in his case. He just thought he liked you a lot. The signs were evident though, when you tell him he doesn’t deny it persay he moreso brushes it off because being in love is so new to him. However being his first love is something you can’t forget. He reminds you everyday why you’re important. Why he loves you. And why he fell in love with you.

Sexual Encounter: It was fun! You both were inexperienced. He didn’t know what hole to enter, you were shocked by how long he can stretch his dick. You both even spent the night laughing more than actually having sex, but once it came down to business it was a learning experience for you both. He was so attentive to make sure you were okay you felt yourself crying a little afterwards at how gentle he was with you.

Being Zoro’s First:

crush: He’s actually more of an asshole to you Not even on purpose he just doesn’t want to admit his feelings towards you. You’re beautiful, sweet, and charming and dammit he hates that he has feelings and how you always mess them up when you’re around him! He feels so powerless so please be gentle with him…or put him on blast. It maybe attractive to the mf.

Kiss: Awkward, awkward, awkward. He isn’t the rizzmaster okay. Yes he is pretty and he knows it but he is crap to flirting. absolutely crap. He was so hot in the face when you did the first move and kissed him he was a stuttering mess and pulled you back in for another kiss to prevent you from laughing at him. His kisses wasn’t BAD but …just practice with him. Yeah it was awkward but seeing your face so close and personal, smelling your scent. He couldn’t get enough.

Love: DENIAL IS A RIVER IN EGYPT Absolutely ridiculous how in denial he was. Everytime someone even said the word love he’d get so mad because that word applied to you in so many ways. He fell for you and he couldn’t do anything about it. You were the one opponent he could not beat and honestly, he didn’t want to. He fell for you and he fell so hard that it actually makes him nervous to be around you. He doesn’t know whether he loves you or hates you now for being so irresistible to him. Eventually he comes to terms with it and once it does and you feel the same way. Good luck getting rid of him.

Sexual Encounter: You taught him everything. He didn’t know his way from the clit to your ass. It took a lot of trial and error, sex wasn’t really NEW to him. He has seen porn but it’s completely different from films and pictures so sometimes he would back down when making out got too far, eventually he needed that release one late night while cuddling you and even though he could have went to the bathroom you stopped him and …helped him out. Let’s just say Zoro is so grateful he didn’t pussy out this go round!

Being Sanji’s First:

Crush: Sanji is an interesting guy because any woman that knows Sanji knows he is a mixture of a flirt and just having amazing manners for women. You however was just above the usual women he served to. Being his crush was an experience because you seen a side to Sanji most women don’t get to see. You seen him stand up straighter, sly comments that made your heart melt, and even kept his cool…too cool in fact. He really was Mr. Prince for you.

Kiss: The first kiss he planned it out. He knew his feelings about you and that you felt the same so he needed to plan it just right not just for him, but for you as well. The kiss was so soft and delicate you almost didn’t feel it. And that was because he shy’ed away for a moment, scared his sudden bold move would have you smack him, Luckily, he didn’t have to worry feeling your hands cup his cheek to kiss him back. He still touches his lips when he thinks about that time you kissed him.

Love: I mean man…you really are a blessed woman because out of all of the others he has seen and been with he chose you and only you. it’s insane really. He tries in his entire will to not mess this opportunity to find true love up. You being his first love he watches his mouth and actions around you more, He tries his hardest not to ruin the view you have of him and it shows. If you can just reassure him you love him for him and not who he thinks he needs to be. Sanji needs the confirmation that you love him almost as much as he loves you.

Sexual Encounter: LORD—- okay. okay. Just like Zoro trial and error HOWEVER. Much longer and worse. He really is still a pervert no matter how much in love he is with you so you have to take it very slow. Once you both are okay to be naked in front of each other he is back to being a shy boy so you constantly kiss and praise him, telling him how good he is for you, how well he is doing for his first time. You were so kind and patient with him, it never fails to leave a chill down his spine (in a good way) when he remembers that night of love making with you, and now that he has more experience he does nothing but reciprocate the same feelings back to you in bed.

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heartsmadeofbooks · 2 months

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[Preview - New fic]: Undiscovered.

Happy Klaine day everybody!

Of course I had to do something special today, for our boys, so here’s the preview of my upcoming fic Undiscovered, which will begin on Wednesday, April 3rd. This fic will only be available on AO3, so if you read my fics on FF.net, keep in mind that I won’t be updating there anymore.

Undiscovered is both a guilty pleasure and a self-indulgence. It was born out of an idea that @blog-carmex gave me what feels like a million years ago, and it kind of exploded from there. For a while it was nothing but PWP in my head, until the perfect plot came along. So, needless to say, this might be my spiciest fic to date.

It wouldn’t exist at all, though, without @blog-carmex, who planted the seed in my head; or without @nerdishedits, who not only made the beautiful teaser cover (and is working on the actual cover) but watered that damn seed until it grew into a monstrous plant that took over half my life; or without the always amazing @christinejaneanderson, who trims the leaves and tends to its wellbeing until it looks like the perfect little plant we all knew it could be. So thanks to you, ladies, for everything.

Without further ado, here’s the preview of the first chapter, and I hope I’ll see you all for a new adventure on April 3rd!

The only sound echoing in the dining room was the cutlery gently hitting the porcelain plates. The attempts to play music in the background had been rejected, like Christmas music might ruin… what? The holiday spirit? The meal? The absolute discomfort they were now forced to sit in?

Blaine Anderson loved Christmas – he just didn’t particularly enjoy spending the holidays with his parents.

He glanced up – hazel eyes quickly roaming around the table, as if trying to find an opening, something to fill this unbearable silence. He found his brother staring back at him, eyebrows a little raised, mouth tilted in one of the corners in what could only be a sarcastic little grin. Cooper didn’t seem as uncomfortable as he was, but then again, Cooper was great at pretending nothing was wrong.

Maybe it wasn’t as bad as Blaine thought it was. He was just a little less used to being home (was it even home, still? It hadn’t felt like home when he lived here, most times) since he had gone away to college. New York had embraced him like he had always belonged there, like his heart had been made to absorb the sounds of the city and turn them into heartbeats.

Blaine had never quite fit in anywhere like he belonged in New York. Perhaps that was why he couldn’t sit for dinner with his parents without feeling like he was slightly suffocating.

Cooper, completely unconcerned, pushed his plate away and sat back more comfortably. “Delicious, mom. Loved the duck. It wasn’t dry at all.”

Pam Anderson glanced up at him and smiled gently. “Thanks, dear. Glad you enjoyed it. There’s more if you want…”

“Oh, no, no, I’m stuffed,” Cooper said, patting his belly. “I got to watch my weight or they’re going to hate me at work.”

“Oh yes,” Pam said. “How’s the play going? I’m so sorry we haven’t had a chance to go see it yet. Life can be so busy, you know…”

Blaine noticed that the smile on Cooper’s face got a little more forced than usual. There was always an excuse with their parents. They were always busy. There was always something that was slightly more important than being there for their children.

They weren’t children anymore, though. They had both accepted things as they were: Pam and John Anderson would never be picture-perfect parents, not only because that was impossible, but also because they weren’t interested in it. They had scraped by doing the bare minimum to be considered good parents and called it a job well done.

Cooper had always been a bit better at accepting that, Blaine guessed. He wasn’t sure if it was because Cooper had gotten to experience them when they were younger, more open, more patient, or if he just didn’t care anymore.

Blaine would always wonder and never dare to actually ask if they had gotten bored of trying when he was born. He was a lot younger than Cooper. Maybe he had been an accident. Maybe they hadn’t exactly been planning to have another kid…

Cooper was twelve years older than Blaine. For a very, very long time, they hadn’t exactly understood each other. But at some point it was like it finally clicked for them that, if they wanted to have a family, they had to be there for each other, because their parents weren’t going to change, weren’t going to become warmer, wouldn’t be what they had always expected parents to be…

When Blaine moved to New York after high school, Cooper had surprised him by following him there. He used the excuse that he wanted to try his luck at auditioning for plays instead of staying in Los Angeles and focusing only on films and TV shows, but Blaine had seen right through his lie: he wanted to be closer to his little brother. Still, he appreciated it. They had learned to be in each other’s corners, and Blaine was grateful that Cooper had been there as he started to navigate the new city and the new stage of his life.

“The play’s wonderful,” Cooper said. “I’m sure you’ll get a chance to go soon. It’ll be running for a while, I think.” He looked at Blaine, and Blaine dreaded whatever was about to come out of his brother’s mouth next. He had the habit of getting him into trouble and was absolutely no help getting him out of it afterwards. “Blaine’s been to see it a couple of times, despite how busy he’s been with his classes and everything…”

Blaine widened his eyes slightly, a silent warning that his brother completely ignored.

“Ah, yes,” their father said, finally putting down his fork, like they were finally talking about something that interested him. “Your classes, Blaine. How are they going? I expect you’ve passed every single one of them?”

“Yes, yes, of course,” Blaine muttered awkwardly. He glared at Cooper once more, as his brother did encouraging gestures that were not subtle at all. He sighed. “Well, actually… I’ve made a decision regarding my major, so…”

John sat back, eyebrow arched – those thick, dark eyebrows that looked so much like Blaine’s – and fixed Blaine with a serious look. “What do you mean you’ve made a decision regarding your major? I though we’ve settled on medicine…”

We’ve settled on medicine. Like Blaine had been given a choice at all. Like it hadn’t been entirely up to John to decide what Blaine was going to do with his life.

“I’ve decided to change my major to music,” Blaine blurted out, before he could lose his nerve. “Medicine is definitely a great career, but I don’t want to be a doctor…”

“Music?” John repeated, like he didn’t understand the meaning of that word. “So another one of my children has decided to be a starving artist?”

“Hey! I’m not starving,” Cooper protested, but no one was paying attention to him for once.

“And what exactly do you plan on doing with a music education, huh?” John asked, blue eyes so much like Cooper’s fixed on Blaine like he was the only person still sitting at the table. “Play guitar in a subway station for spare change? Wait tables during the day and play at some second rate bar at night?”

Blaine moved uncomfortably on his seat. “There’s nothing wrong with any of those things, but… I actually want to compose music. Maybe for musicals, maybe for movies, maybe just… play music.”

“Just play music,” John said and scoffed. “A very solid plan, son.”

“I just don’t want to live a life I’m not satisfied with,” Blaine said a little desperately. “And I know you guys really wanted me to be some sort of successful professional, but I have to do what’s best for me, right? I have to be happy with myself when I get out of bed in the morning…”

Pam seemed to notice the tension was growing, because she tried to smooth things over: “Of course, Blaine. We understand. Your father is just concerned that…”

But John shook his head, stopping her. “That is an incredibly childish outlook on life, Blaine. Happiness is ephemeral. You need a steady income and a respectable career…”

“Who says I can’t get that?” Blaine asked him. Part of him was starting to get angry, but the rest of him, the larger part that was usually too careful, too prone to put his head down whenever his father barked an order at him wouldn’t let the anger truly rise. “Why can’t you just… believe in me?”

John groaned, like he didn’t have the time for his children’s dreamy dispositions. “I don’t know where we went wrong with you two. I thought we raised you to have a good head on your shoulders.”

Blaine glanced at Cooper, who looked like he had just been slapped. He felt a bit like that, too. He had expected some resistance to his new career path, but their father was being overly harsh. He didn’t understand.

“I’m sorry if you don’t agree with me,” he said quietly. “But it’s my life. I want to do what I think is right.”

Slowly, John nodded, like he was considering Blaine’s words. Then he stood up, leaving the napkin carefully on the table. “Very well. Do whatever you want. But I won’t be paying for it.”

“John…” Pam started. “Let’s not be hasty…”

“I’m not going to put him through college just so he can throw his life away, Pam!” John exclaimed.

“We can talk about this some other day,” Pam insisted. “It’s Christmas, John.”

“There’s nothing to talk about,” John replied. “He’s free to do whatever he wants, of course. He can spend the rest of his days scraping by and counting dimes so he can make rent. I’m not going to help him in any way. Pay your way through college, Blaine. And if you ever come to your senses and realize you’ve made a mistake, I’ll be more than happy to help you get a real degree.”

He walked out of the dining room, leaving behind an uncomfortable silence.

Cooper cleared his throat. “Well,” he muttered after a couple of minutes. “What’s for desert, then?”

Blaine pushed his plate away. He wasn’t hungry anymore.

#Fic: Undiscovered #Klaine #Klaine fic #Klaine fanfic

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earthwormspaghetti · 9 months

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Now that the Sherlock Holmes stories have become public domain, I’d like to add my own thoughts on the “are they in love?” discourse.

I’ve been a fan of the books for absolutely years, and have reread them all countless times. One thing I noticed is how many people note on the way Holmes treats his roommate (aaaand here come the “and they were roommates” jokes) Watson, which is with great affection, even frequently calling him “my dear” and trusting him enough to help with his independent investigative works, which he would normally do alone.

Watson also describes Holmes affectionately, quite enjoying his company and considering him an amazing friend.

Whether Watson’s thoughts about Holmes are platonic or romantic, we may never know. He married in one of the accounts he wrote, and still considered Sherlock a great comrade.

Sherlock’s feelings towards him, however, are quite complicated. On one hand, he seems to adore Watson with all of his heart and soul, but on the other, one must observe his outlook towards other things he likes.

Firstly, the thrill of the hunt. In “A Study In Scarlet”, he is compared to a foxhound sniffing for clues, ever-exited to learn more about a difficult case when he cracks it. His happiness knows no bounds when mulling over a difficult case.

Secondly, his love for the fiddle and music itself. He is said to be and avid player of the violin, playing tunes based on his fancy at the moment, be it sad and slow or jaunty and fast.

Thirdly, his love of the scientific arts. His adoration of new things to learn and experiments to be solved makes him act like a child in a candy shop. Also in A Study In Scarlet (where a lot of the things he enjoys are described while Watson gets to know Holmes better):

I probably will explain this pretty badly, but what I can see is that Mr. Holmes shows massive love towards things that make him happy. He’s described as being rather emotionally distant towards other, less important things, but he loves the things he holds dear with all his heart.

Such a level of adoration towards something you like is a beautiful thing to see, of course, but that also applies to people in his life. He loves Watson, with all of his heart. Same as he feels love towards doing something fun, same as he loves expressing his feeling on the violin, same as when he finally works out a difficult experiment.

This is a man who gives all his heart and soul towards the things he holds dear, and I think that such a rare thing is far more beautiful than simple attraction. To love a friend so much that you would trust them with your life, as Holmes definitely has, to share your home with them and respect their privacy with pleasure, to hold their hand in the dark to guide them so they don’t get hurt.

This is love that brings tears to the eyes, that prevails through years and years and still stays strong. This is love for the little and big things in life, because the only things that matter are the things that you refuse to hate. Because life only lasts for so long, but a love like this is eternal, even though the lover and loved may be long dead and forgotten.

#sherlock holmes #A Study In Scarlet #what really is love?#I still love shipping though <3 #an asexual’s perspective on desire and love #i’m running out of ideas #for tags

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fortunatelychaoticphantom · 3 months

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After rereading Twilight last year (1, 2), I decided to reread New Moon. Three notes about the first 100 pages:

1. It's fascinating to see Bella's low self esteem in comparison to how absolutely fucking horny she is with Edward. I remembered it as a third book thing that was more about her wanting to have human experiences before becoming a vampire, but like... girl is mad horny from the beginning. I respect that.

2. It's really interesting that throughout the leaving scene what actually broke her, the moment it truly sank in and devastated her, was when she realized Alice wasn't coming back. That was the last thing he said before saying goodbye. I think it ties to her already established depression from the first book and how she just doesn't have any close friends beside Alice, and the fact that it's the finishing blow of the scene really shows in my opinion just how important that relationship on its own was to her. I don't know if the fact that it's like the final slap is meaningful, but there's something beautiful about her losing a friendships being given just as much space and emotional impact (if not maybe more in that moment...) as a romantic relationship.

3. I... am having doubts about the way we've always treated Edward as this unhealthy toxic boyfriend. I don't really know how to express this yet, not even sure I will in the future, but there is such a strong caring vibe coming from him, trying extremely hard to treat her well, within the boundaries and complexity of a fantasy relationship, and it looks like most of the more toxic aspects of the relationship are actually coming from Bella herself instead, specifically centered around her low self-esteem.

#twilight #twilight new moon #new moon #twilight renaissance #twilight revival

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dazais-guardian-angel · 28 days

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Flying Too Close To the Moon (a Baizhu character analysis)

Over a year ago now, in February of 2023, Genshin Impact's twitter account posted about a certain green-haired doctor from Liyue with a snake, announcing that he was at long last going to become playable. *narrator voice* Little did I know at that point just how much my life was going to be ruined changed by this man, something I never could have fathomed in all my time of playing before.

Today, by the time of Baizhu's birthday, almost a year since his release, he has never left my team and is one of my ultimate comfort characters... and at the same time, paradoxically, fills me with such intense feelings of dread, if I ever think just a little too hard about him for a little too long.

This is my experience with him.

From the beginning, I wasn't one of the people who had been anxiously awaiting for Baizhu's release. I'd always been curious about him, and thought he was beautiful (but lol who in this game isn't?), but there was practically nothing to know, and he appeared so little, so not being an existing fan, I didn't think much about him compared to other more prominent characters. With that first drip marketing, however, I was suddenly instantly intrigued:

"Regrettably, Baizhu cannot save all his patients — himself, for example. Herbalist Gui has mentioned that Baizhu's physical condition is extremely poor, and he often has to go back to his residence to rest after seeing patients. Even so, his smile never falters while in front of people. When Gui asked him about this, he replied, "If the doctor looks sick himself, how can his patients face their illnesses with confidence?" Day after day, Baizhu heals his patients. His ever-present smile hides the numerous bitter medicines he takes and the pain he suffers alone."

What's this, Baizhu is a doctor who is also sick himself? He has a chronic illness?? Finally I have a disabled character in a video game I can play as and relate to??? Not to mention the DELICIOUS angst potential the (absolutely devastating) last sentence held. Unfortunately, because my lazy ass rarely ever talks to npcs outside of quests, I was completely unaware of this very important little fact about Baizhu, learned via Herbalist Gui that had been in the game since literally 1.0, but to say that I was excited upon finally learning it now was an understatement. This changed everything, turning a character I had previously only had a passing interest in into someone I felt like I might be able to connect with, and a character I could truly call my own. Previously, my favorite Genshin character was Zhongli — he was my very first limited 5* and I started the game pretty much because I was interested in him lol — but just from this short summary alone, I had a strong feeling that Baizhu had the potential to surpass him, and become my new favorite.

My initial impressions from everything we knew about Baizhu pre-release (for how little that was) were that he was a kind, selfless doctor who didn't want others to see his weakness, but in secret was striving for immortality in order to save his own life from his severe illness. Qiqi seemed to be someone he observes to further his research in gaining said immortality, but his love and care for her still feels sincere, although he can never properly convey this in words because, to me at least, he's keeping himself at a distance from her and others so as to not hurt them too much if he passed away. Baizhu tearing out Qiqi's journal entry about him being a good person so that she doesn't dwell on and remember such things about him seemed to support this, as well.

Upon release, we also had Dainsleif's lines about Baizhu in his collected miscellany video, which made me emotional as well: Dain, someone who is cursed with and suffers daily from immortality that he never asked for, respects Baizhu's desire for immortality himself, because for him it would be freedom from the pain and suffering he already experiences, seemingly. Most people want immortality for selfish reasons, but for Baizhu, I thought, it's out of a desire to save his very life, and in turn save more people as a doctor in the future. It's human, understandable, and the mark of an incredibly caring and altruistic person, and Baizhu wanting to heal himself is something to be sympathized with, especially if you can relate to his pain.

This part in particular from his demo was so powerful to me: the defiance of his fate, of his death, and the display of his continued strength of will and resolve, and even skill in battle, no matter how physically weak he may be. Though he still has his doubts and his guilt, here he says "I will not die, I will beat the odds, and no one can decide my fate for me, nor can they shake my resolve."

All of this only made me love him more and more. I was hoping we would get to see his insecurities and fears about his condition and his possible fate, and that he would learn to allow himself to be cared for by those who loved him — to realize at least a little bit more that he will never be a burden on others, because the guilt over such things is all too real for someone with a disability or chronic illness. His non-spoiler voice lines were so comforting and hopeful, and I wanted his story to be hopeful as well, without going as far as to magically cure him like what unfortunately happened with Collei.

That was what I wanted. More or less, that was what I expected, especially with the copious other examples of the "overworked character learns they need to take a break and feel supported by the traveler" storyline in Genshin insert the waifu baizhu (waifzhu?) jokes here.

And then, I played Baizhu's story quest.

.....No image in the world can fully sum up exactly how I felt after that, but, well, I think Paimon here is the closest I can get.

I still remember it like it was yesterday. I remember standing there, at the bottom of the steps leading up to the pharmacy where the end of the quest left me, not knowing how to feel. Feeling completely numb. Feeling like I'd just gotten punched in the gut a million times over. Feeling sick. Call me overdramatic, too overly attached to fiction, whatever, but no words can possibly convey just how much the revelations about Baizhu in his quest fucked me up. I did not feel good for quite a few days after playing it, as it haunted me, as I turned it over and over again in my mind. Not just the information given itself, but how it was given; the entire tone of it all. At some point I was finally able to make myself cry, and it was only then that I felt at least marginally better. But I'd be lying if I said that I've ever truly and fully processed and let sunk in everything to do with Baizhu, even a year later.... and I doubt that I ever will.

Don't get me wrong: Baizhu's story quest is without a doubt one of the best story quests in the game so far, and that's not at all bias speaking. It's short, to the point, uses npcs effectively and in a way that helps develop the main character instead of taking all the spotlight over them, and it leaves setup for more story in the future. For a Baizhu fan, it's the best quality one could ask for. It's the most we've ever learned about him, the most screentime he's ever had, and it emotionally and tenderly shows exactly what kind of person he is, and why he is the way he is, and does the things he does.

It's also absolutely horrific, and to this day I'm still not entirely certain exactly what message the writers wanted the player to take away from it by the end.

The quest introduces us to a boy and his father, Ayu and Jialiang, the latter of whom Baizhu wishes to treat, partly as a personal favor to his late master and to said master's other past disciple, the mother of the family, Jiangli. Through Baizhu's handling of their case, and talking to Hu Tao, we learn that Baizhu is not only obsessed with attaining immortality, but that he supposedly uses less-than-reputable methods to heal patients, methods that he keeps tightly under wraps. This, along with all the strange research he does that seemingly has nothing to do with the medical field, has given him a suspicious reputation — the game subtly lampshading the fandom seeing him as nothing more than a sketchy snake doctor ever since the beginning — but no one has ever been able to dig deep enough to find any proof that he has any ulterior motives, not even Yelan; thus, the ultimate consensus is that he truly must be nothing more than a kind and benevolent doctor who has his patients' best interests at heart, no matter what else he's doing in the background. Upon Baizhu treating Jialiang for the first time, however, we’re directly confronted with this secret, dubious healing method he uses, and what exactly it means for Baizhu, as with all the masters that came before him.

To say my stomach dropped here would be an understatement, because I knew exactly what this meant. And sure enough, not a few minutes later in the quest, we get the dreaded truth:

Baizhu’s poor physical condition is not from natural causes; rather, he is as weak as he is because he’s made himself that way. Changsheng is a former adeptus he made a contract with, that allows the host to transfer some of their own life force from themselves to someone else, using Changsheng as the conduit. The contract is meant to strengthen the body of the host and extend their lifespan, however these advantages effects are outweighed by Baizhu, and all his predecessors before him, repeatedly giving away their life force to heal others, causing them to become frail and inevitably die young. The contract has always been used in this way, and all of its prior users all met the same untimely end; Baizhu is at no less risk of that.... which is why he wants to become immortal, so he can continue to heal people with the forbidden arte without fear of death.

This would already be a Lot as it is. Trading away one's life force to save another isn't exactly a brand new trope, but the idea of a doctor doing it over and over again to save lives when all else fails, even to the detriment of their own body.... It's the ultimate act of selflessness, of kindness, of sacrifice. It's touching. It's laudable. It's devastating, to a degree one can't even imagine.

Because Baizhu doesn't just stop there, as we find out at the end of the quest.

How do you expect me to read this—

and additionally this—

and also this...

...and not have it occupy my mind 24/7, sending me in a downward never-ending spiral of existential horror, for all of eternity?? just like Baizhu himself—

While it's heavily implied that all the contract users prior to Baizhu only ("only") used it one-way, to give their own life force to others, Baizhu has taken it a step further, and also been using Changsheng to transfer his patients' diseases and illnesses onto himself. This likely is a more effective way of "curing" some of them entirely, instead of simply delaying their symptoms' worsening with more life force, although he cannot take on the worst of them/terminal illnesses of course. But he has taken on so, so many, so many diseases and so many symptoms, all compounding and blending together to the point that Jiangli, another doctor just as skilled as Baizhu, cannot even distinguish them all or recognize some of them, that he might as well be terminal. Not only does Baizhu do this for the sake of his patients, but he's also using his body as a human petri dish, testing different diseases and poisons on himself to see how they interact with each other, both to create more effective medicines and understand the mechanisms of the human body better, and to perhaps find the secret to immortality.

This reveal at the end of the quest is presented as an awe-inspiring, poignant twist, that's meant to make you see Baizhu in a brand-new light. The animated cutscene is tear-jerking, bittersweet, yet beautiful, as we finally come to understand the full scope of just who Doctor Baizhu is, just how truly pure and selfless he is, and just how much he has sacrificed, and plans to sacrifice forevermore. Many people who weren't fans of Baizhu or were neutral on him had their minds completely changed upon this bombshell being dropped, it rightfully clearing away any and all misunderstandings about him somehow being a bad person, and fostering newfound respect for him. That's the best word to use for how the game portrays all this: respectable. Baizhu's situation is tragic, but his actions are nevertheless shown and seen as beautiful, and admirable. His self-sacrifice is to be praised, and honored, because he is doing it for the good of so many others, because his heart is just that big, and that caring. It's bittersweet, but Baizhu is determined, and we should respect his resolve.

But should we really?

Yelan would disagree, I believe. Which is ironic, considering that in her own story quest, Baizhu transfers poison into himself from Uncle Tian with her there, and she is none the wiser.

Just... really stop and think about the implications of what Baizhu is doing to himself, and the life he lives. Try to imagine it, how it would feel, to be inundated with that many diseases and toxins, to the point that all of your internal organs are diseased; to the point that you have every symptom imaginable, sometimes all at once. Now, take that, and imagine living that kind of hell with it progressively worsening, for all of eternity, as Baizhu wants to do.

You can't fathom it. To say that it's beyond human comprehension is an understatement. And yet, that is Baizhu's reality, every single day, and if he has his way, for the rest of time.

This is not okay.

What truly frightens me about Baizhu, is how.... empty he feels. He is kind, gentle, nurturing, and a bit flamboyant and mischievous at times, but he has essentially no personality traits or life outside of "being a doctor". All of his voicelines involve him giving health advice, or looking after us or others, or discussing the troubles he encounters in the medical field, or his hobbies, which involve... making medicine. While there's nothing wrong per se with a doctor truly enjoying their job — it's what makes Baizhu such a good caretaker, after all — their life and personality never revolves entirely around that. People have their own lives outside of their professions, that don't involve said professions, even the most enthusiastic and genuine of workers. But Baizhu..... doesn't have anything else. For Baizhu, being a doctor is all that he is.

Nothing is more subtly chilling than this joke Changsheng makes (that gets reinforced by Paimon later), where she calls Baizhu her "mannequin" — and especially the way that Baizhu doesn't comment on it at all, merely continuing to look like a guilty child getting scolded for being reckless. Because a mannequin is an eerily accurate description of Baizhu: he is not a person of his own, but merely a vessel for her power. "Baizhu" does not exist outside of his role as a healer; he has no other life, no other aspirations, no other joys and things to care about, nothing. Even though he's a pillar in Liyue Harbor that is beloved by the community, especially by the children, he's also in a sense practically a ghost: he is never seen outside of taking care of people in some way, because he never lets anyone see him at his sickest, and he has no sense of self outside of that role as a doctor. He is distanced from everyone, almost as though he was already immortal.... he could die at any time, frighteningly easily, and to him, no one would notice or care. As depressing as it is, even Qiqi, a literal zombie, is more alive and has a much more fulfilling life at this point than Baizhu does.

Many of Baizhu's voicelines are dripping with casual self-deprecation, and others with extreme hypocrisy, where he will express frustration and disappointment at others not being diligent in taking care of themselves, completely oblivious to his own extreme levels of self-harm and self-sacrifice. Of course, as mentioned earlier, feelings of inadequacy and being a burden are tragically not unusual for someone with significant health problems, but it goes far, far beyond this for Baizhu, before he was ever ill — all the way back to his childhood. Baizhu's hometown was struck by a plague when he was young, from which he was seemingly one of the only survivors, and his obsession with wanting to save each and every life he comes across that needs saving, no matter the cost to himself, is likely born from the trauma and extreme survivor's guilt that the event instilled in him. It was during this plague that he encountered his former master, and in training under and being influenced by him, he adopted these harmful mentalities (through no fault of his or his master, to be clear), without ever being given any other way to cope with his pain, other than to do everything in his power to never let anyone else die ever again.

Again, Yanfei sums it up best.

The true tragedy of Baizhu is that, although he wholeheartedly agrees with his late master's sentiment, and truly believes that he himself is headed down a different path from his predecessors, at the end of the day, he is no different from them, nor is his chosen path any different from theirs. As he states, those with the most altruistic and purest of hearts are the ones seduced by the contract, and he, too, has fallen victim to Changsheng's siren song: the allure of reaching beyond human means to prevent death. He believes he has found the solution to the conundrum of saving both the world at large and the one doing the saving, but he's merely fallen into the trap just like all the others: even if he doesn't die, he is still sacrificing himself, cursing himself to a fate unimaginably worse than death itself. After all, as he says, the contract can't erase pain from the world entirely, but merely transfer it from one place to another, and Baizhu is living proof of that. If his master could see what he's doing, he most definitely would be heartbroken at the "answer" Baizhu has found, because a life isn't saved if it's merely surviving, and not living.

All of this began from Baizhu, selfless and benevolent as he is, wishing to save a snake. Changsheng is a dear friend, a being so closely intertwined with his very soul, and his closest connection to his late master, and yet she is also the very thing that's killing him, and will inevitably be his doom, in whichever way that comes. Baizhu being who he is means he will never abandon her, and Changsheng will never leave him as well, her worry over the fate of her host overwhelmed by her fear of death and her desire to live on, which is how the contract has persisted for six generations. It is a toxic bond, and yet their care for each other is too great, both parties accepting the misery that awaits them. Changsheng knows that any of the cycles could be her last, but cannot help but seek out new ones in order to continue living — and Baizhu intends to make that "last" be a reality, by living forever, to make sure that Changsheng will also never die, but also that no one else can take on the contract after him. He wants his cake and to eat it too, wishing to save anyone and everyone — and he fully believes that he can. He believes that he is headed towards the light of the moon, escaping the flames of the sun.

But the moon is still ever-so-far away regardless. Perhaps even impossible to reach, if Teyvat's sky truly is fake. No matter where he aims, even if he isn't burned, Baizhu is destined to fall eventually, if he keeps going the way he is. Many people have tried to warn him, to convince him that immortality isn't what he deserves, to convince him of how much he's loved... but Baizhu is too stubborn; too, ironically, selfish in his selflessness. He insists he has everything under control, that he won't let himself die... but how can anyone believe that, when all the signs suggest that he's already on death's door? And even if he does get his wish, and be granted immortality, will he truly be content like he thinks he will, endlessly suffering with only Changsheng by his side?

I don't think the writers ever intended to glorify Baizhu's actions, or at least, I don't think it occurred to them that it could be read in that way. I do still mean it when I say he is one of the best-written characters in the game, because there is so much care given to him in his story quest and to his lore, even if, frustratingly and tragically, Hoyoverse as a whole doesn't seem to care about him at all. He's so fun to play as, and in isolation, it makes me very happy to have a canonically disabled playable character. But I'm also so, so haunted by him, and I think more people would be as well, if the game didn't gloss over the incredibly bleak reality of Baizhu and his symptoms due to the overall lighthearted tone of Genshin. I desperately need to see where they're going to take his arc, if they intend to at all, because there is so much potential for it, and right now it's very much up in the air. I don't want him to die, as I fear he's close to, but I need him to heal, and finally learn that he's done enough, and that he can finally, finally, stop. Stop torturing himself, and finally accept for himself all the love he's given others for so long now, and live. I want Baizhu to live more than anything, and not the way he is now, nor as a cursed immortal. I want him to live, and thrive, and truly, unapologetically, be himself (whoever that "Baizhu" is), and be happy.

He already has someone worth living for, right here, aside from Changsheng. He has a daughter, a family, who love him, not to mention an entire city, and and I dearly wish he could realize that. I wish he could know how comforting he is to me and so many others, and how important he is to us, not because of what he can do, but because of his beautiful heart. 💔

Happy Birthday, Baizhu. Thank you for being such an incredible healer on my team, and I hope we'll see you in Chenyu Vale one day :')💚

#genshin impact #baizhu #meta #posting this so late at night but I WANTED TO MAKE IT FOR BAIZHU'S BIRTHDAY #FML FOR BEING SO LATE AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH #this man ruins me 👍 please everyone cry over him and have an existential crisis over him like i do daily #he is Not Okay #and i need him to be #hoyoverse when will you do him justice like he deserves!!!! when is his comeback!!! aughhh!!!!!!!!

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tickingispleasure · 3 months

Text

New Stories of Mary

After a long time of treament setting Anti-Triggers into Marys silly brain and making her a good soldier again Mary had another mission.

This time she's been sent to an old facility to inspect which kind of experiments and weapons they create and summarize the danger her teammates could expect.

She already searched a few rooms but the one she's entering now is different. Big and dark and nothing is even in there. Maybe it was just another room for conferences or taking a break. Mary wants to enter the next room but it was closed. On her way back from where she came she also noticed that this door was now closed too. This was something she didn't really expect.

So what now? She looks around but absolutely nothing was there. Checking the walls and the floor also was useless. Then all of the sudden a screen turned on at one end of the room. Showing a big spiral slowly turning around.

"Good try" Mary said rolling her eyes and shaking her head.

"I'm cured from that."

She turned around and try to find a way out of this room. Another screen turned on showing the same spiral. "Even if you making the room out of spirals this doesn't work anymore you idiots." She said annoyed. Trying to find a way out was more important than anything. As if Someone heard her the room turned on every screen on every wall showing the same slow spiral turning around. Mary was annoyed und rolled with her eyes again. "Fine. If you want to play it this way." She said aiming down at one screen and get her triggerfinger ready.

But she couldn't shoot. Something was off about that.

"I'm just closing my eyes how about that huh? You can't show me these beautiful spiral if I'm not looking at it!

So she closes her eyes searching for an exit with her hands and her eares. And if that wasn't enough she hears a silent whispering. She doesn't even understand what the whispering sais. Mary shakes her heard and continues searching. All of the sudden something hits her. She instantly opens her eyes again shooting whatever touched her and realizes that there was absolutely nothing but a room full of spirals.

"Fucck.." She said and closes her eyes again. "I have to stay focused on my mission. This doesn't effect me at all!"

She couldn't decide if the whispering was getting louder or more but even that doesn't effect her in any way. She was absolutely sure about that.

Another thing touched her. More gently this time but she got her gun ready again and trys to aim at whatever touched her body. Finding herself aiming right at the middle of one of the spirals.

"Goddamnit leave me alone! I'm over this hypnotic stuff! I'm not your toy....!"

Mary shakes her head. She tries to get in contact with her commander but for no reason the contact was distrubed.

"F*ck!"

But the whispering got louder. This time she was absolutely sure about that. Her eyes were open staring right down at the spiral she aimed before. Maybe it wasn't so bad. Maybe she should play along a bit until she got a possible way to leave this place. The whispering was getting clearer the more she stared at the spiral.

"I'm over this. I can fight it." She said a little less enthusiastic. Something touches her again and forces her to turn her head to another spiral.

"I....can...fight...it..."

She feels a shivering in her whole body. Her lust rises more and more and there was no way getting out of this. Only her hope that someone would come and f- help her...

Mary sits down on the floor. Her eyes glued to the screens with the spiral. Her body getting so hot she can't stand it. She puts down her gun and lays her hand on one of her breasts. Slowly starting to touch it and massage it. She doesn't even realizes that she does that. Her eyes glued to the spiral. Her mind getting more blank. All the disturbing thoughts... All of the anti-trigger training... slowly erasing. Slowly getting away... Pop like a bubble in her head. Pop.... Pop.... Pop.... All the thoughts... All of her training... slowly getting away...

The whispering continues. Saying beautiful words. Her body gets so hot she only could strip down her clothes. The weapons are not important anymore. She feels the need to touch her body. Her body was so hot. Her body wants attention. Her pussy wants attention. The spirals changes. Into a faster and flashier spiral. Mary can't close her eyes again. She needs to watch the spiral. She doesn't realized that something touches her too. Not only her own hands but something different touches her body. But she can't look. She needs to watch the beautiful spiral.

Whatevery touches her body reached her wet and horny pussy. Starting to rub it and make it feeling wonderful and needy. Mary lets out a small moan. Eyes glued to the spiral, hands touching her breasts. Getting more needy getting more horny. She needs someone to fill her. Fill her mind. Fill her body. Fill her holes. Mary moaned more. The touch thingy slowly getting inside her pussy. She moaned again.

"Yes..."

The thingy getting deeper.

"YES!"

And even deeper.

"YES!!!"

Mary was broken again. Whatever happens next will change her life and her mind forever. She is such a brave soldier. Such a brave horny and slutty soldier. She will do good things to everyone who triggers her hypnotic desires. Mary will be a good slutty soldier.

#Mary #Hypnostory #Hypnokink #Hypnosis #Spiral #Spirals #Whispering #Hypnotriggers #mindless toy #obedient toy #hypnotized #obedient #doll

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cloudofbutterflies92 · 5 months

Text

I've waited a hundred years, but I'd wait a million more for you

Pairing :John "Soap" Mactavish x Chloe Valentine (OC belongs to @chloekistune )

Words count: 942

Divider by @saradika-graphics

Tag:@chloekistune @alypink @onehornedbeast @corvosattano @cassietrn @thewanderer-000

Notes:Before letting you read the mini shot , I first wanted to thank @chloekistune for being such a special friend who allowed me to write this little story in which Johnny and Chloe meet for the first time💕. I hope you like how I imagined their first meeting, having said that I'll leave you to read.

London, April 23 10:00 am

"I'll never get this damn tattoo design to him" Chloe sighed, maniacally tapping the tip of her pencil on her own cheek.

Yet another unsuccessful attempt to experiment with a new style for one of her clients, a well-known tattoo artist in town who urgently needed her help. Apparently the person in question had asked for a design that did not match her style at all.

Matt had pleaded with her "he is a very important person, I can give you even half of the payment that he will give me."

And she had another 24 hours to complete the task, she would never make it. It was impossible for her.

If Eden had heard her, she would have gotten a hefty earful.

But Eden was not there so, she was busy with her work so she would have called Matt and told him that she was not in the right mood(actually according to her reasoning she was not suited) and to hell with the money. She couldn't lose her mind.

Absolutely not, she could not go like this and have a paper in front of her without even a pencil line.

"It will be simple" she mumbled in her head full of tangled thoughts, like the webs of some spider, one of her greatest fears.

*Drin*

The ringing of the bell at the entrance of that bar foreshadowed the arrival of two boys: both fit, one wearing the typical cap that could be seen on the head of some passionate soccer fans, with a beaming, perfect smile. The typical golden retriever boy.

The other...well the other somehow had impressed her. She of all people who had never been love at first sight found herself looking into those eyes of that intense blue, imagining running her fingers gently along his mohawk

"No Chloe what are you going to think" she mumbled, later calling herself stupid several times. How could a stranger have struck her like that?

A handsome stranger actually.

Focusing on the drawing was definitely the best solution, she would try for the last time. One time only.

"I swear if he dares to tell me what to do again I'll punch that other eye too."

"Johnny you should forget about it, Price told you that too. You know what Colonel Harrison is like."

"Johnny...that's his name" Chloe curiously tilted her head.

The wrongest move in the world.

He was looking in her direction, it was over. How embarrassing.And he was also getting closer.

"Are you by any chance an artist?" Johnny's eyes lit up, almost like a child with his favorite toy. The other man was incredulous, moments before he was talking about wanting to beat up their colonel while now he had softened.

Chloe moved her head shyly "yes, in theory."

In theory? She wanted to give herself a boot to the head, she was making a fool of herself for a man.

"Can I see your album if you don't mind? I've had a bad day and I could use something to distract me."

She could have answered no, told him she and used the defensive. Instead, she found herself helplessly showing "Johnny" her sketchbook, each page with a drawing, a commission, or simply an emotion.

"They are very beautiful you know?"

"Pff, there are much better artists" the purple-haired girl glossed over with a dismissive hand motion. Her being her first enemy had made compliments for her like allergies.

"What if I told you I would like maybe a portrait?" He approached, with that easygoing, bastard smile. The scarlet color of Chloe's cheeks reached its peak.

"My name is Johnny anyway Chloe" he anticipated her answer as to how he knew her name, pointing to that "Chloe Valentine" on the drawing paper.

From a distance his friend was looking at him laughing but his friend was right, more because if it had been anyone else surely Chloe would have found that trashy, cringe-worthy boarding tactic.

"Okay if you really want to" having confirmation Johnny wrote his number on a napkin.

"This is my number bonnie, maybe I can show you my doodles too. In the end it's not all guns and bullets" looking at her he flashed perhaps the smile that made Chloe's heart beat as loudly as a battery. She did not initially understand the meaning of the last sentence until she saw the dog tag: a military man.

"I would be very glad Johnny."

It was really sad to see him get up, but since she had his number she would definitely call him. She wanted to know everything about him, after so long she felt she strangely wanted to open her heart again.

"And I suggest you bring lots of papers, this guy uses up a lot of them" Johnny's friend also approached the two, patting him on the back, making him snort. He seemed very easygoing and funny.

"Stop it Gaz, you should get on track too."

Had he really said on track?

"But I'm already there, I'll wait for you outside. Nice to meet you Chloe" Gaz greeted the young woman artist who responded by lightly waving her hand. Alone again.

"Don't listen to him, Gaz is very stupid" the brown haired man scratched his head embarrassed, he was really cute.

"Oh well that wasn't annoying. He is very nice" she smiled with her eyes closed.

"So..."

"...I'll see you, I'll send you my number" she finished the sentence for him who nodded, before walking away. He left a final smile, exiting the bar. Chloe looked at that number written on the napkin chewing her lips and nervously moving her leg: a first date she had not planned. Inspiration had returned to her, though. That meeting had definitely changed her day for the better.

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frodolives · 2 months

Note

I've decided that I would like to understand what my mutuals see in the old man music cinematic universe. I have loved and supported their derangement from afar in my life and would like to dip my toes in, so to speak. so I come to you humble now and ask: where can I get information about the beatles that will make me think about old British boy band members exploring eachothers bodies? if it helps, I dont mind their more well known music, but I've never really dug into it properly.

Oh man. You've no idea how tough this is to answer lol. My derangement regarding the Beatles has been built up over 6 years now and I hardly remember how it even began.

I suppose that yes, if you're new, you should begin with listening to all their music because it's genuinely very good stuff. Their filmography is also good. If you haven't seen any of their films yet, it's a great place to start because the Beatles' looks, personalities, and sense of humour are just as important to understanding their appeal as their music is (in order: A Hard Day's Night (1964), Help! (1965), Magical Mystery Tour (1967), Yellow Submarine (1968), and Let It Be (1970) - most of these should be free to watch on Dailymotion).

If you're very serious about the Beatles and into the history on an actual academic level, this is a pretty good list of free resources to browse through.

My personal introduction into becoming an actual gay Beatles truther was a series of fan-made documentaries on YouTube called Understanding Lennon-McCartney. It's been a very long time since I've seen them, but I remember them blowing my mind and making me believe in the concept of soulmates. As fun as it is to make jokes about the Beatles exploring each other's bodies, there's something genuinely profound and beautiful about Lennon and McCartney's relationship that shouldn't be overlooked. Chris Evans said it best:

The Understanding Lennon-McCartney documentaries series is also just the most comprehensive overview of McLennon that I know of, even if it's semi-outdated now. I watched them in 2019 and even in just the last 5 years, a lot of new McLennon info has come out. We are truly living in the golden age of Beatles RPF.

One of the biggest recent developments was Peter Jackson's 2021 Get Back series. They're basically a revamped version of Let It Be (1970) and also required viewing at some point. I know a lot of Beatles fans who were introduced to the band via Get Back so I suppose it's not a bad place to start if you're so inclined, though since they chronicle some of the last days of the band, I think they can be best appreciated if you're already at least somewhat familiar with the boys.

After watching all of that, I think you'll have a pretty decent foundation of what people on Tumblr are talking about. Then oddly enough, I'd consider Tumblr the best resource for info. There's more in-depth Beatles talk on here than any other website as far as I know and, in my experience, I learned a lot just by freely exploring various tags and blogs.

There's also the Beatles biopic cinematic universe which is worth dipping your toes into if you like RPF and want an entertaining way to learn the gist of the band's history. There's a lot of low budget biopics out there about those boys. Even I haven't seen them all yet so I wouldn't say watching them is an absolute must, though there's three iconic "gay john lennon biopics" that are entertaining bc of how genuinely gay they are: The Hours and Times 1991 (about John's relationship to Brian Epstein), Backbeat 1994 (about John's relationship to Stuart Sutcliffe), and Two of Us 2000 (about John's relationship to Paul McCartney; the most iconic and revered of all Beatles biopics).

I don't really know what other reccs to give. If anybody wants to chime in with other suggestions, go forth! There's just so much Beatles lore and it's easy to become overwhelmed by it all so definitely take your time lol. And if you ever have any specific questions about the Beatles, I'd be very happy to answer them!

Happy RPFing!

#i've actually been toying with the idea of making a complete lennon-mccartney manifesto so all the knowledge i've collected over the years #would be good for something but such a project would take so much work and i'd prob need others to help with it lol #the beatles #ask

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comradekatara · 11 months

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hey

do u mind sharing with us some of your headcanons about sokka&katara relationship? 🧡🪸

okay these aren’t “headcanons” so much as assorted thoughts on their relationship as siblings, how i view them and what they mean to me. this is hardly news to anyone who knows me, but they are my all time favorite avatar characters and their relationship is so fascinating and meaningful to me. which means that there will be some headcanons sprinkled in just because they do take up so much real estate in my mind that i may as well share some of the (many) thoughts i have on them. but also some analysis, interpretations, hot takes, subjective opinions, etc. and, to be clear, if you’ve been following me for a while, you’ll probably notice that i have gone over a lot of these points before, at some point or another. like i said, they’re my favorite characters, so i think/talk about them a lot lol

– first things first, i do feel a need to add the disclaimer that when approaching their sibling relationship, i do empathize with sokka more just because i am also the eldest sibling and that is genuinely a huge part of my identity, so that’s my perspective when approaching these characters. i also know what it’s like to be the only sister among brothers, but if anything my experiences with that have always made me feel like katara could have it so much worse in the brothers department. which isn’t to say that the only reason i empathize with sokka is because “he could be worse,” obviously he would not be one of my favorite characters of all time if his only redeeming quality was “he could be worse.” but i do think we need to take a second and appreciate that this sixteen year old boy is a statistical anomaly (and not just because he’s a “genius” or whatever). he belongs to the worst demographic ever invented, and yet manages to not only not be an absolute terror, but be a genuinely good person. katara could also be so much worse, by the way. fourteen year old girls are, on average, almost as much of a nightmare as sixteen year old boys! (i would know, i was one.) so yes, while they are both deeply flawed, and as much as they both think the other is so annoying and unreasonable and mean sometimes, they could both have it so much worse. angel siblings fr!!!

also, and i think this is really important to acknowledge, you can separate sokka from katara when discussing her character, but you cannot separate katara from sokka. so when talking about their relationship, as characters, specifically, sokka is more impacted by katara than katara is by sokka, both narratively and emotionally.

– okay. something that i think is so important to realize about both katara and sokka is that they both have these (different) stories that they use as coping mechanisms for the very tragic world they find themselves in, and neither of these narratives is actually fully accurate. they have differing worldviews, but neither one is entirely “right.” sokka’s narrative is extremely joyless. he is the “last man” of the southern water tribe and being a man, in his case, is about preparing himself for the day that he will inevitably die for katara like their mother did. that is his life’s goal; his primary purpose is to be a sacrifice, because that’s what Real Men do. so he spends every day training for the opportunity to eventually die in war, and even when sees more of the world, he still assumes his job is just be like, a bodyguard with no interiority of his own. what challenges that assumption is twofold: a) he has so much interiority; he soaks up new information like a sponge and synthesizes it into his worldview immediately, and suddenly it is a lot harder to be a human shield who thinks of nothing but tragedy and your own inevitable premature death, because you are also thinking about science and culture and art and sex all these things that make the world a richer, more beautiful place to live, and that inform you, as a human being, and you are suddenly a person and dying is no longer your sole priority??? but also b) he meets people who want to protect him. which is crazy to him specifically because he always thought that he is just fodder and therefore not deserving of being protected in his own right. and accepting that people will take risks to keep him safe and make him happy is basically antithetical to his very grim belief of who he is and what he is For.

and then katara’s worldview hinges upon her being the last waterbender of the southern tribe, the survivor of kya’s sacrifice, and a nascent hero. so she has a much more romantic view of the world, where survival is integral to her story (obviously she is also taking for granted that sokka is prepared to die for her at any given moment, but mostly because she rejects the premise that sokka is allowed to die dammit!!!) and she is right all the time because she is a hero full of righteous fury and driven by self-determination and belief in her own ability to create a kinder, juster world, which means she cannot be wrong. the thing about katara is that her philosophy is very good and awesome, but also extremely unrefined and naive, to the point where anything she doesn’t like is an Injustice (sort of like how in our culture the term “problematic” spans “doesn’t have a fully coherent position on whether or not being intersex inherently qualifies someone as being part of the LGBT community” to “being a convicted rapist”, but in her case it’s like “being a fire nation soldier makes you deserving of being frozen in place by my waterbending, but so is being kind of rude to aang”).

and it’s really important to understand that both katara and sokka have flawed narratives about the world and their place in it that they have internalized, and a lot of their points that are opposite (katara thinking that she is at the center of the universe whereas sokka seeing himself as an object rather than a subject, as the main example) are eventually synthesized into a healthy middle, where katara realizes that she is just one person (despite the massive person that has been placed on her due to genocide) and so is everyone else (even the Bad ones), and sokka also realizes that he is a person deserving of humanity, just like everyone else. not that i really foresee either of them fully shedding their defining narratives, bc they have both internalized them so deeply due to their formative traumas, but “the boiling rock” and “the southern raiders” are huge for them respectively in their journeys towards seeing themselves as people instead of symbols. and that is just really important to understand about them, because i think a lot of people think “this sibling’s worldview is right, and this sibling’s worldview is wrong,” but that’s not true! they’re both right to an extent, but also both deeply flawed. and challenging and expanding those worldviews is the basis for their arcs over the course of the show.

– i think my main katara&sokka “headcanon” (ie, interpretation of the text) that rly informs how i view their entire relationship is one that sort of reframes what sokka says about “seeing katara’s face” in “the runaway” with the context of “the southern raiders” to inform it. because i think a lot of people interpret that to mean that he sees/treats katara like she is his mom, but nothing about their relationship and the way they behave around each other indicates that this is the case. like i think it can be easy to take what sokka says there at face value at first, but if you apply what we know about katara as revealed in “the southern raiders” to what sokka says here, it makes a lot more sense as a whole… like you have to remember the context in which sokka is saying this. he is explaining to toph why telling katara not to “act like a mom” is hurtful to her. toph associates motherhood with femininity, submissiveness, conformity – all things that she rejects due to being forced into that mold her whole life (and obviously katara is the furthest thing from being submissive, she is literally a revolutionary, but in this moment, toph thinks that katara criticizing their scams is indicative of that, when really katara is just lashing out because she wasn’t included in the first place). but katara associates motherhood with sacrifice. katara has to carry the guilt of knowing that her waterbending is what got her mother killed, and she has to prove to herself and her mother and her tribe that kya’s sacrifice meant something by becoming the strongest waterbender in the world.

so sokka is first and foremost trying to bridge that gap, that miscommunication between toph and katara wherein they are leveling their deepest formative traumas at each other all over a fundamentally petty fight: katara wants to be included so she lashes out, the fact that she is telling toph what to do makes toph lash out, and it spirals from there. sokka is trying to tell toph that katara has a complicated relationship to motherhood, that her image of “mother” is not the same image toph holds in her mind. if he were saying that katara is a mom and that he sees her as his mom, their relationship would reflect that! but he literally treats her as a little sister. the entire show. the cactus juice incident is like the one instance of sokka needing katara to guide him, and it’s because he’s tripping balls. sokka relies on her, and yes, he relies on her care and compassion and help in many ways, but, and this is crucial, he also relies on her because she is his identity. i don’t think that’s something sokka can even truly recognize in himself, but it’s clear that on a subconscious level katara is his raison d’être, that taking care of his sister (as hakoda tells him, as kanna tells him) is his primary goal at all times. and that’s why he sees katara’s face. because his relationship to his mother is now defined by her sacrifice, the sacrifice he has inherited in her death. katara is everything to him; not because he sees her as his protector, but because he sees himself as her’s.

– ok this one may be kind of controversial……… but to be honest I don’t even really think that sokka and katara had an unfair division of domestic labor due to gender roles. which isn’t to say that those gender roles don’t exist (both in the show, as they are clearly demonstrated, or in real life, since i experienced them in my own family dynamic) or that or that sokka didn’t internalize them, obviously he did (katara also internalized gender roles, she just expresses those beliefs in less overt ways). but based on the little we know about kanna (who is the one making katara do laundry, not sokka, fwiw), i think it’s just far more likely that she kept making katara do domestic chores with her because she needed to keep her inside the house where she could see her. she’s a single grandma, she’s tired as fuck, and she knows that if given any sort of unstructured free time, her hyperactive granddaughter will use her waterbending to accidentally destroy what’s left of their village. which is more or less what happened eventually. and yeah it does suck that katara had to spend her valuable tween years washing her family’s disgusting sweaty socks instead of causing a ruckus, dating a new cute commie boy every week, and fostering intense rivalries with other girljocks, but it’s not like sokka was having a remotely better time so it’s hardly fair to blame him for that! imo her real “enemy” (ie, person looking out for her who made her do laundry) was gran gran but sokka was aligned w/ gran gran so in her mind he was also making her do laundry (the injustice!!!) …plus she did get to do all of those things eventually :)

sidenote: can we talk about how gran gran was so twisted for making katara wash sokka’s socks. like we established she’s making katara do that “for her own good” or w/e, but literally no teenage boy in the history of the world had wanted his little sister to wash his dirty socks for him. frankly, i bet sokka already washed his socks and then gran gran just made katara wash them again because she needed a way to keep her busy. katara’d be like “why do I have to stay indoors all day doing laundry why can’t SOKKA do his OWN laundry” and gran gran, who was just looking for the easiest way to keep an eye on her reckless, hyperactive granddaughter, would be like “okay then if you don’t want to do laundry you could always do your math homework instead...” “okay FINE i’ll do laundry”

– i say this from experience (my brother is younger but also like a foot taller and freakishly strong), sokka’s extraordinarily high pain tolerance (often played to comedic effect) stems from katara beating the shit out of him every single day of their childhood, and him just. not being allowed to retaliate. (we see this throughout the show; she’ll often smack him while he just stands there and barely reacts.) as the older sibling u are simply not allowed to hit back. they can punch u, scratch u (i still have scars), push u over, and u just have to take it. even if they’re only like a year younger! and sokka doesn’t even consider this unfair, because that’s just how it is when you’re an older sibling. (zuko should take notes!) but he also knows how to get under her skin the exact right amount. just shitty enough that it’ll piss her off, but not enough to actually hurt her feelings (saying shit like “leave it to a girl to screw things up” or calling every guy she likes her boyfriend). he never actually crosses the line, but he does know exactly how to annoy her. katara, on the other hand, crosses the line to the point that she doesn’t seem to realize that there is a line?? (“the stars sure are beautiful tonight. too bad you can’t see them toph”) bc katara approaches everything from a righteous rage where she genuinely believes that she is justified in everything she does and says. classic baby of the family behavior, especially compounded by the fact that she was gassed up her whole life for being the special chosen one who brought hope back to their tribe. (she and aang have that to bond over, being Unique and Special and basking in that attention, but also the inherent grief of knowing that what makes them special is also what makes them alone, and knowing that if their people hadn’t been wiped out, they wouldn’t get to be the Hero, but they wouldn’t have to be, either.)

– you probably wouldn’t know it from following me now, but as a kid i did not really care for sokka. like, don’t get me wrong, i liked him fine, but if you asked me to list my top 5 atla characters, he would not be on there. but now he and katara are tied for #1 in equal measure. and a large part of my own journey from liking sokka fine but not particularly caring about him as a child to him becoming my favorite character alongside katara as an adult was my progression from “oh he’s just katara’s brother” to “no he is actually so much more than that he’s brilliant and an invaluable member of their group” to “actually he is just katara’s brother.” but his role as katara’s brother is what makes him so awesome. like katara was always my favorite character and i think it’s very obvious as to why a young girl would latch onto this very heroic and empowering fantasy. and the older i got the more i appreciated her depth, her flaws, the ways in which she is messy and imperfect and human. and i came to appreciate sokka as an extension of katara, as a character who is entirely devoted to her, who sublimates himself to protect her. their bond is so special and beautiful to me because it is so fraught and tenuous and filled with grief, but also so authentic and adorable and genuine.

i also think that getting older just necessitates appreciating sokka more. you go from being the baby who wants adventure to being the babysitter who is so fucking exhausted. i simply was not tired enough as a kid to See sokka and empathize with him. katara was far flashier and more exciting and easier to root for and enjoy. and i still do root for and enjoy her, and not just because she was formative for me, but because i will never stop finding nuances in her character that fascinate me, but i think sokka, as this depressed kid who feels fundamentally worthless and is far more morally grey than katara, is a character who is kind of an afterthought the first time you watch the show, especially as a child, even if you like his jokes or whatever (frankly i’ve always felt like toph is the funniest atla character overall). i think i’m in the unique position of having given this show so much real estate in my mind that i do genuinely believe that sokka is the most interesting and nuanced character in atla, but most people, even fans of sokka’s character, are just like, what the hell are you talking about. but he is! katara is the prototypical hero and narrator of this fantasy adventure quest narrative, and sokka is extremely not. which is why they play off each other so well, and why picking an Ultimate Favorite between them is actually impossible.

– obviously i’ve stated before that i think katara should be chief, and i will defend that belief to the death, but i also think people interpret that as me saying that she is given a massive responsibility that she is forced to bear alone, and that’s like. definitely not. no. first of all i don’t see katara becoming chief for at least a few decades (just because aang has to be the avatar at 12 and zuko has to be the firelord at 16 doesn’t mean that there’s a power vacuum in the southern water tribe in immediate need of filling). once she becomes chief she already has a huge support network in place, including her friends and family, but also spanning beyond them, across her entire community. katara loves bonding with people and making new friends, and i definitely think she has people to help her as chief, it’s not a role she would have to take on alone. and of course, sokka would be there. i think sokka would sub in and be chief when katara needed a break (so if anyone’s like “well in lok they say that sokka was chief” this is my explanation for that lol) and they would basically lead the southern water tribe together. but also sokka would not want to stay in one place all the time, whereas i think by the time katara is like in her 30s she pretty much lives there permanently, because all her students and patients and family and friends are there (zuko visits frequently). she’d still travel with aang and go on little adventures, but her whole life she has wanted to liberate her people and rebuild her culture and contribute to her community in a significant way, and so i can’t really see her living anywhere or doing anything else.

– finally: i like to think that after kya’s death, sokka was the one to braid katara’s hair every day, and it was this little ritual for them. (in the unaired pilot, katara teases sokka for braiding her doll’s hair when he was six, and i totally think that’s canon even if it didn’t make it into the show.) but then at some point or another, after all the men left the tribe, katara decided that she could braid her own hair and she stopped asking sokka to do it for her. and then a little while after that katara was in a bad mood because she was reminded of her mom or her dad or any of the other problems in her life, so she started yelling at sokka that he doesn’t even braid her hair anymore because he’s too busy trying to be their father to be her brother, and sokka just stood there and hoped that once she took her frustrations out on him she’d feel better. and then years later katara saw sokka braiding toph’s hair and she freaked out both because she’s offended that toph would ask sokka over her but also that sokka would braid toph’s hair but not her’s. and sokka’s just like “well… she asked me to…” and katara doesn’t want to ask sokka to braid her hair since she has been doing it by herself for years now, but she also does miss having her hair braided. one day sokka walks in on zuko braiding katara’s hair for her and he’s just like “ok well now this is unacceptable” but katara’s just like “you started it when you braided toph’s hair” and so sokka has to let zuko braid his sister’s hair as if sokka’s entire life does not revolve around being katara’s big brother. yeah it’s fine. he’s fine with it.

– as for all my other katara & sokka posts, featuring a whole assortment of analyses and headcanons, you can peruse this very full tag!

#sending this ask you may as well have unwittingly summoned a demon #only.... 3.6k words and 9 pages (on google docs) later......#and i still have so much more to say tbh #goats !!!#khrystyav #asks #katara #sokka #katara&sokka #kanna&katara #don't know how to tag this #analysis #but only partially #most of it is just random thoughts #about the most insane codependent siblings of all time

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ellaspore · 10 months

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So going off on this post by @biochemjess I wanted to expand further upon some thoughts. Take this with a grain for salt as this is my personal interpretation based on my life experience.

For me both options @biochemjess laid out in her post are true and there have been hints spread out in all the episodes.

I have read Kawi as demi since episodes 3 / 4 . The whole being fixated on Pear for years, the being a virgin until he was 30 pointed out to me that he didn't view sex as that important (as he said in episode 10), he wasn't in love with the idea of Pear because she was attractive, he found her beautiful but in an innocent way. Now while all the above is true I think that the show has also been showing us that Kawi does feel a slowly growing attraction to Pisaeng that gets stronger as the episodes go on, an attraction that grows along with his feelings.

I think camera work was used together with music effects since episode 3 to show when this was happening.

Up until episode 8 we saw Kawi fight his feelings for Pisaeng and using alcohol to act both on those and his attraction because it made him braver and less prone to be anxious and overthink things.

Now he left alcohol as a coping mechanism behind and accepted his feelings for Pisaeng in episode 8 but he is still struggling with his growing attraction and what it means for him and their relationship. If we pay enough attention in episode 9 he shut down all the kissing attempts between him and Pisaeng and I do think it's due to him trying to process what and how he is feeling about all of this.

The issue was further exacerbated by his talk with Max during episode 10. I admit here that the whole talk could have been handled better and while I don't think it had this intention I could totally see how it could come across as ace erasure. However if we look at this conversation not as applying to a broader audience but being character-specific it makes it have much more sense. I don't think Max's purpose here was to provide answers but to ask questions and make Kawi reflect on what he wants. We know Kawi tends to run away from problems and try not to think about difficult things but Max's purpose in the story has always been to question him and to push him into action exactly like he did in episode 6 during the gay bar scene (which resulted in Kawi getting drunk and kissing Pisaeng).

I think it's also important to understand how Kawi's, Max's and Pisaeng's different attitudes to sexual desire colour how they think about it and how they behave. Max's attitude is that of someone who has fully accepted his sexual desires because he knows himself, who he is and what he wants. Pisaeng's attitude is that of someone who has repressed himself for his whole life and now he is just so eager to take this new step forward because that's something he is now allowed to do. Now coming back to Kawi, his attitude is that of someone whose sexual desires are unknown. He hasn't thought about them really, hasn't thought about where he stands. His answers during his conversation with Max seem to me not as a way to evade the issue. That's why I think Max says that "sex is important to know oneself". It wouldn't be true for anyone and it's totally valid to know you are ace without trying to have sex but I don't think again this totally applies to Kawi. Kawi's is a character that doesn't know himself. His feelings, his desires, the unknown scare him and he does need to try and be pushed to come to a conclusion.

And I think that's exactly what's happening in the latter half of episode 10. All interactions with Pisaeng happen exactly after Kawi's talk with Max and we see Kawi absolutely panicking and running away and evading the issue. I think it's important here to note that for the last episodes Kawi was the one to force conversation between him and Pisaeng in order to avoid misunderstandings, the fact he didn't want to talk about sex with Pisaeng tells me he was still trying to understand where he stood exactly.

The whole evening and the date was Kawi being all in his head about what he was feeling and being scared and ignorant of his desires. But I don't think he wasn't feeling it or wanting in his own way. It's only in the restaurant that Kawi comes to the realisation that he was projecting his panic onto Pisaeng and that he was hurting him.

By the end of the night we see that Kawi has reached his conclusion, has come to a decision and he wants to try and have sex with Pisaeng. I do think there was a whole talk before this that they will get back to next episode.

Now my whole key apart from the discussion with Max that cemented that Kawi is demi, afraid of his desires but feeling attraction for Pisaeng is another scene we have in episode 10. It may be me reading a little bit too much into it but there is this scene when they are eating breakfast that may seem unrelated but which striked me as significant

Again this is personal interpretation based on my personal experience, but I feel like in this scene Kawi was struck dumb a little bit by what exactly Pisaeng's thumb wiping his mouth was making him feel. If you aren't used to sexual attraction is inconsequential moments like this that strike you the most, make you stop, the sudden spark.

So to sum it up, I think this episode cemented my belief of Kawi being demi and trying to come to terms and being afraid of what the growing attraction to Pisaeng is making him feel.

@lutawolf @biochemjess @coconuts-mafia

#be my favorite #coconuts mafia #ella's cursed thoughts #pisaengkawi

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thewayuarent · 9 months

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When things start to fail

SandRay edition

Yes, me again talking about SandRay as I’m their personal therapist good for me I guess. Disclaimer: I do not judge nor Sand or Ray, the most important thing to remember is that all of characters are young stupid insecure boys so everything happening makes a lot of sense. Also let’s remember that it is not about good/bad or right/wrong, it’s about complexity people and their relationships have.

So, this week they’ve reached an interesting point, haven’t they? The point when their mostly surprisingly good communications stars to fall apart. And it was inevitable. Nick and especially Boston don’t minding their own business certainly accelerated the process, but at some point it was going to happen anyway. Because the ultimate question “who are we to each other” been hanging over their heads for some time now and do my boys tried their best to avoid it. But let’s start from so-so good things.

SandRay day together. Ray goes for it like it’s an adventure, not someones real life experience. And of course he is - Ray lives in a different world and Sand’s hardships are not something he’s familiar with. @lurkingshan made a great post about how Ray constantly sees Sand as someone beneath him at well of course he is. And I love what @neuroticbookworm says here that Ray does it unintentionally - that’s just not something he ever experienced in his life. Ray is shamelessly rich and he was like this all his life. I would very surprised if he behaved differently.

That’s interesting tho - I think Ray sincerely enjoys every experience he has with Sand. And in some way he sees Sand as embodiment of freedom. For Ray a lot of it is about wind in a face, and listening new music, and laughing, and drinking, and kissing, and flirting and almost jerking off but no and not thinking about his real problems. For Sand it’s his life. It’s tough and exhausting, but still worth living.

Sand’s 24 hours. I truly appreciate Sand’s approach to life. He tells us that he has 24 hours in a day to work, sleep, being alone and - what I love about him - to dream. And I’m not saying that his life isn’t hard, it absolutely is. But despite that he still has some little things to enjoy. He dreams big. He makes beautiful breakfasts and knows places where to find good music. He has fun in a secondhand store. He finds his happiness in discovering new bands. He allows himself to get drunk and get high.

And I don’t think he never does any of it before Ray. But Ray is important, because Ray is someone he can share all this things with. And while Ray constantly being a bit jerk about that he is really into everything Sand gives to him (subtext here was unintentional but yes, sex is obviously a part of it too). And maybe Ray’s presence allows Sand to let himself go with a flow a bit more. Maybe Ray also symbolizes freedom for Sand.

And I believe that freedom is something both of them desperately need - Ray from his painful past, Sand from his exhausting present. And it all would be so good, it was mostly good for a lot of time, but. Hints were all there since the beginning.

Communication falling apart. So we see them generally enjoying each other. We see them being open and honest with each other. The whole scene where they discuss parents is about trust and vulnerability and it deserves its own post.

Very good-friends-behavior happening here. But also kind of not. And not only because them being ready to fuck each other on a constant basis. Which was hilarious by the way - three attempts to get nasty and all being ruined (1. Thank you Nick; 2. Sand being not so into public sex I guess I don’t believe him for a second he’s clearly into it but whatever; 3. Thank you Nick again and now you bring the whole drama with you good job). But all this cute boyfriends stuff happens left and right? Hugging and smiling on a ride?

Being so into each other that random girl said bye bless you?

Fucking serenade?

Like, guys, you’re not even trying. And they don’t talk about it at all. The last attempt to clarify their relationship was in episode 3 with Sand asking what kind of friends doesn’t stop kissing each other. And than they just. Moved on and never questioned it again?

They are the only couple (of the main three) in the show who doesn’t discuss their status. Even Nick and Boston do it! They are suck at it but it’s at least something. And it’s like Sand and Ray played a bit too much in going with a flow thing.

Sand tells this to his mom

And he seems really upset when Ray says that are friends

And again when Ray says not boyfriend fuck off Nick

And I get it, it really sucks. He is totally in love and his heart breaks a little bit twice in a row.

But it’s Sand who said that

And that

And that one like couple hours ago

So I feel for Sand and I am really sorry for him - my boy fell fast and hard but it’s not like Ray has any idea what Sand wants from him. Oh, wait, he has. Kind of. And he actually tries to make amends and clear the situation. Kind of.

It’s Sand this time who closes up, loosing to his fears and insecurities - and I would guess his last relationship has something to do with this. And of course Ray doesn’t push him into that conversation after one failed attempt. Because he is totally scared of ruining things. And it is so much easier to continue to pretend, for both of them, isn’t it?

It’s also smart thing to not having that conversation before they sober up but will they talk? I doubt it. Also is Ray ever sober, he has a serious problem, my poor boy. Him finishing two glasses of liquor in a row after fight was painful to watch. But I digress.

And the thing is - it isn’t even that tragic. Yes, Ray has feelings for Mew - he tries to move on, he doesn’t expect anything, but feelings (especially so long-lasted) doesn’t go away in a moment. And Ray has a right to falling for Sand while still falling out of Mew. Shit like this happens a lot in real life. It doesn’t mean Sand isn’t special to him only because someone else is.

And I kind of think that they would work it out somewhat fine. Not great, but fine. But here it is, our Boston card. Yes, I blame Boston, that’s my conclusion.

Conclusion. Judging by what we saw in trailer I’m gonna predict that this episode was a start for both Sand and Ray being miscommunication mess. Because both of them are falling for each other. And both are very scared of it.

This is not going to be easy. They will pretend they don’t care for each other and most importantly - that they have no expectations towards each other. They clearly have. We see it with Sand and the moment Sand decides fuck it I’m done we will see it with Ray.

This shit needs a lot of hard work. Will they be able to go for that? Do they even need it? I don’t know. Let’s hope that they will. Or at least that they won’t ruin each other totally over failed relationship.

#I am not totally delusional but I’m also a simp what can I say #I so hope they will figure it out tbh #they are mess but they are my mess and I love them #really Ray’s drinking problem scares me way more than all that feeling stuff #only friends #only friends meta #only friends the series #ofts #sandray #firstkhao #firstkhaotung #first kanaphan #khaotung thanawat

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minijenn · 5 months

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Jen Tortures Herself With Every Dreamworks Animated Movie Ever: Prince of Egypt

Papa Bless (literally) its time for me to talk about one of my favorite animated movies, nay, one of my favorite MOVIES ever made. Prince of Egypt is a work of art. Hands down, it is one of the most incredible movies I have ever seen. I'm not even religious (I did grow up Christian and am now a Filthy Heathen but that's beside the point). The real point is that this movie is one that I think can be enjoyed by anyone reguardless of religion. At its core, they took a simple biblical story and turned it into something with raw passion and emotion and art. And I simply adore it.

Every time I watch this movie, its such an experience for me. I always fall in love with new things, from the fantastic character designs, to the insanely lovely animation to the beautiful songs and score to the way the story is told and the emotions the characters go through with it. Everything in this movie feels huge, weighty, and important. It's very respectful to its source material while making changes that make it work better as a film, particularly the brotherly dynamic between Moses and Rameses that adds a whole new layer of drama onto the story.

As for that story, we all know the Exodus story by now so I'll spare you on that and discuss the things the movie does on its own. That dynamic between Moses and Rameses is at the heart of the movie and it really is just a devestating tragedy to watch them break apart and become enemies because of the huge responsibilities thrust onto both of their shoulders. The fact that tragedy ends on such a heartcrushing note too its just... god. (literally god, get it? cause this is all his fault lol jk ok)

Moses is fantastically written, a great main character to follow who has compelling drama, at first about his true identity and how he struggles to comes to terms with it and then grappling with having to oppose Rameses to set the Hebrews free. Rameses himself may just be one of Dreamworks best villains, you really do feel bad for him but you also know he's bringing so much of this suffering on himself because of his own stubborn pride. The rest of the cast is also fantastic, Tzipporah is lovely and really fun, Miriam is an absolute sweetheart, Aaron is a sassy little loser but I love how he comes around in the end, and well, God is God (the burning bush scene tho, can we talk about that? fucking INSANE)

The MUSIC man, each song is SO damn good its hard for me to even pick a favorite. Deliver Us is such a strong opening, a wonderful way to set the stage that makes the stakes feel high right from the start. All I Ever Wanted is a great way to show the life Moses always knew cracking from the inside out. Through Heaven's Eyes is just a bop with a lovely message about change and growth. Playing with the Big Boys is delightfully sinister and the Plagues, oh GOD THE PLAGUES???? INSANE MAN SO DRAMATIC AND INTENSE AND THE IMAGERY IS JUST??!?!?! BRUH! When You Believe might be my favorite though, it starts out somber but grows into this hopeful triumph of excitement and relief and its absolutely beautiful.

This movie is so beautiful to look at too! The composition of some of these shots, the storyboarding, the facial expressions, the set pieces, the movement of the animation, its all so expertly crafted, so entrancing to watch every second of it. Like I said at the start, this movie truly is an utter work of art in every sence of the word.

I've been gushing about this movie for long enough I think, but I can't help it! It's honestly that good! And its so hard to believe that it came hot off the heels of a trash heap like Antz. Like bruh how were they cooking that shit and the godsend that is Prince of Egypt at the same time??? Insane, utterly insane. This studio is ridiculous.

Anyway, Prince of Egypt is the GOAT and I will fight you if you disagree.

Overall Rating: 10/10

Verdict: Tzipporah marry me pls

Previous Review (Antz)

Next Review (Road to El Dorado)

#jen watches #prince of egypt #dreamworks watch #dreamworks animation #jen tortures herself with every dreamworks animated movie ever

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conscbgb · 7 months

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I came across this video where Taeyong was explaining the inspiration behind the song "Love is a Beauty" and what he said left me with a deep sadness...for him...for all of them because I think the situation is more or less the same for them all...

We know how the k-pop industry works (and we know it sucks) but listen to a grown up, talented, hard working, brilliant, caring man of 28 years old saying that he "actually don't know about love" should make you think...especially their fans...what he, all 9 of them, give up in the name of their dream are 2 of the most important things that we are gifted in life : Love & Freedom.

And it's something that when you are 17 yo you can endure, you tell yourself "It's ok! I wanna become this or that...it's a big sacrifice but it's my dream"...when you are 28 you endure it anyway but...it's different...

The Love they get from their families, real friends, band mates,working team, fans is a totally different thing from the love you get from that 1 right person for you, that one who loves the REAL you, the natural and "imperfect" YOU, who support you anyway, your "Ride or Die" together, not because you are a worldwide famous singer/artist and the allure that comes with it!

Part of the reason they are forced to put Love in stand-by is because of the fans (the toxic/psycho ones obv) because God forbid if the news of one of them dating gets out! All the hate they receive...the company who rush to explain that the news is not true while going to repremend that poor one who was "caught" goin' out 🙈 and all of this for what?? They are grown men, they should be able to live their lives and that little free time they have in the best possible way for them!

But it doesn't work that way...their freedom is put on hold too! And not only because the company exploit them and their talent as much as they can, making them work literally 24/7 365 days a year especially during the promoting season, they can't use their freedom in absolute private matters too... like getting a tattoo! They can't get a tattoo without fans "consent": it's literally their skin!! What do you mean they should ask fans before do it?? Fu€k it!! I would tattoo my whole body like Michael Scofield just to piss those "fans" off 🤣

They can't smoke...thank God they "limit" themselves with smoke because with all the pressure the company/audience/themselves put upon their beings I would be high all the time just to get throught it...

The way they can't almost interact with women in front of cameras (or in general because they are literally haunted from stalkers) it's insane in my opinion and the company should take action more often to protect them! And it's equally shocking the fact they can't interact the way they really want between them (band mates) because if one of them look or talk in a certain way to the one he is not "shipped" with from fans ➡️ hate

This album and tour mean a lot to them and to us because we know what is gonna happen starting from next year...so please: let the guys enjoy this experience to the fullest! Support them! Let them Live! RESPECT THEM! They deserve it 🙏😉

Video credit @neocrushtech on TT

#lee taeyong #taeyong nct #nct 127 #yuta nakamoto #mark lee #nct jungwoo #doyoung nct #moon taeil #haechan #johnny suh #nct jaehyun #kpop

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fairfoxie · 4 months

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hi!! i was wondering if i could get your perspective on something, as i really respect the resources you share about being faekin and i want to know more about it! i am irish reconstructionist pagan who works with the good folk, and i admit that i often have trouble reconciling my religious beliefs with 'kin posts that i see. i was wondering, if you felt comfortable responding, what your perspective on the clash that sometimes occurs between faekin and the cultural evolution of the fairy archetype is? if this is offensive i apologise and absolutely did not mean it as such! i'm still relatively new to the nonhuman community (my nonhuman blog is foxwyrm!) and am trying to learn more about it :} regardless, i love your blog, and appreciate what you share!!

Hi! I'll start by saying this is not even a little bit offensive! I know you're asking a question in earnest and I'm honestly really grateful to get the opportunity to voice my perspective.

And really, I wasn't sure at first how to approach all of this at all. My brain and beliefs are scattered, and to be quite honest I make it up as I go along. That's why I used to be petrified of doing any kind of spirit work, especially with the Good Folk. So only recently have I combined my own Neopaganism with my Otherkin experiences. I am still learning. But I'm learning a lot, especially now from others who walk a similar path.

I'll admit I had to look up just to make sure I understood what an Irish Reconstructionist Pagan is, and it seems to be exactly what I was hoping it would be! I may not be strictly of that faith myself, but I'm highly grateful that there are people who are, who keep that alive. I'm so fascinated by pre-Christian Celtic faiths and I do wish it were easier to find the old stories. But stories survive through people, and I enjoy sharing videos I've found where Irish people who coexist with the Good Folk, talk earnestly about their faith and how it impacts their lives. I think those collective experiences are very real and important and culturally valuable. I see parallels in our perspectives, when they speak of mutual respect and of leaving nature undisturbed. I highly value the words of the people who live where there are said to be Faeries.

Still I'd hesitate to discuss being faekin with someone of that particular tradition. I do get overcome with doubt and worry about myself. Is my very existence disrespectful? Just yesterday I ran off into the woods in tears with a question of who, what, am I?

I have discussed being Otherkin with the trees before. I'm an animist at heart, and I like to keep company with the friendly spirits of trees often.

Tree spirits are good listeners, and they understand the humans they live with. When I talk to the trees, I don't have to explain what I am. I show them. They understand. They accept me. They don't judge or argue, and they accept strange contradictions like me being human and nonhuman at the same time.

I see lots of things in the forest. Things that renew my belief in magic every time in different ways. I have hardly a choice but to believe in all manner of beautiful spirits, fae big and small, even gods. I believe in monsters too, but I believe in myself more, and I value my autonomy, and so I choose not to let my spirit be harmed.

And because I value my autonomy, I am drawn to the Otherkin community, where you don't have to have all the answers, just be who you are and you will be accepted in the best of our circles. We respect each other's minds, bodies, and spirits, and each of us walks a parallel but completely different path into ourselves. I'm glad there are others like me, who don't know why they are nonhuman in some way, just that they are, and that we have carved out a space in which to exist as we are.

I don't have all the answers, and probably never will. But I find little congruencies that allow me to slip through the cracks between what is and isn't. Here are some of them.

Many Faeries do look like humans. Changelings of course, and selkies, and Hulder and Skogskra, and nymphs and elves and many others. And much folklore seems to have it that people who seem to be human turn out to be Fae.

But I was born to humans, I know that for sure. And as such, I consider myself a Human Fairy. Of sorts. Like I said, I value my autonomy, and my right to say what I am and be what I am.

For me, the difference between a Faery and a Fairy is that Faeries are the beings that already existed, living at arm's length from most humans for most all time. We only remotely understood them back then, we only remotely understand them now. But we respect them, and many do respect us back and seek friendships with us.

The Fairy, on the other hand, is that cultural archetype you were talking about. A Fairy can be created by a human, it can be a human, it can be a character, and most importantly, it can be the link between people and magic. I have an affinity for pixies and pillywiggins, flower fairies, gnomes, brownies, dryads, sylphs, and all manner of tiny winged beings of nature, and yes, Tinker Bell, who was my personal introduction to the Fairy world, and the idea that there are magical beings who live in another world but also interact with our world. My first 'kin feels' would have been daydreaming myself in Pixie Hollow/Fairy Haven as a tiny fairy with wings and a talent, just the same way Prilla blinks to the Mainland. I still clap sometimes, because I do believe in Fairies.

And I think that the spirit world contains multitudes. I think it contains Faeries and Fairies all at once, and that thoughtforms, spirits, fae, and gods are all a big part of what makes humanity who we are in the first place.

And even still, I don't know if I have all of my facts and beliefs straight. But I know that I don't have to. If I waited until I understood myself completely before going and living my life, I'd simply never get the chance to. And so I just go live it. As I get older I care less about the labels and more about the experiences. But I love being a Fairy. I love being Otherkin. And I love talking to the kindest of the Good Folk. And I'll love this whether or not I will ever fully understand any of it.

I truly hope this is something like the answer you were hoping for.

#fairfoxie replies #otherkin #faekin #fairykin #fairfoxie #oh wait my ask tag is actually #ask pine #:3

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