#this isnt even a joke my life is Just like this **{^]+]+{**+

[transfemsly]

following up on the last reblog...

i have a lot of nitpick with sparklecare/cometcare and how mentl health is portrayed.

its talked about a lot in sparklecritcism blogs, but i just hate how much how kneeby shows mental health in kits comics.

i hate how mental health is dumbbed down to names like "nervous nelly" for anxiety and "checks a lot" for ocd and "ultra mega sads" for depression, and so on and so forth. not to mention, kneeby just fucking REFUSES to give these stupid fucking names to disorders she has. the fucking double standard, i tell you.

dont mind me now, being a big mental health geek and advocate, im gonna go on a rant so forewarning for foul language.

sparklecare possible is the biggest fucking joke of mental health representation i can find ever. both it is portrayed horribly and the fandom treats the characters mental health like a joke. i literally cant say it any more than that. it genuinely frustrates me and aggravates me that kneeby has the double standard to make up stupidass names for real disorders, then just ignores how stupid it is that she also refuses to give silly names to illnesses she also has. maybe kit shouldve never even made up names for serious disorders! maybe then this wouldnt be such a big issue in the fandom!

my mental health shouldnt be dumbed down to just "checking a lot" or being "ultra mega sad" or shit like that. i get it, thats the popular symptom and stereotype, i get thats asy to show, and yes! kneeby gives somewhat good rep in the comic! but its still SO. DUMBED. DOWN. and SO. STEREOTYPED.

not even just looking at how sly is made fun of relentlessly for her depression and her addiction, but just how uni is relentlessly used to get peoples rocks off on how shes ill and enjoys barrys degradation, this is a real issue and a big mental health symptom. how people get off on making fun of hemeras mental health and then demonizing her for every little thing. how people make jokes out of moods pica and the bug eating incidents. not only just those. how much cometcare just fucking gets off on stereotyping ptsd SO HARD. episodes, breakdowns, all of that being stereotyped into easily being taken out of and being done in the blink of a fucking eye. this isnt ALWAYS the case, but its frequent enough in my eyes.

okay. this gets me really mad. kind of related to this kind of not. i hate how uni gets offs so hard on barry degrading her. its actually really disgusting me i hate how romanticized it is. why is it so romanticized. oh my god. this isnt just a kink culture thing, its just downright fucking disgusting and downright upsetting. its weird. its weird. its weird.

overall, kneeby makes fun of mental health so bad and its so obvious this is what she thinks of mental health as a whole. maybe kit doesnt say it publicly, but i know for a fact, many peoples works are a way for them to show their real fucking opnions. and i tell for a fact squeak most fucking 100% thinks other disorders that arent her own are a joke. you can tell me this isnt true, but this how been CONSTANT. kit and the fandom both. it is extremely upsetting. i dont care if other zcp staff have these disorders and allow it, kneeby runs this shit, and the jokes are just aggravating. mental health and the symptoms and the things we deal with that kneeby openly allows joking around with and kit herself joking around with, arent a fucking circus for kneeby and the fandom to play around with.

its not just the fact that yes, jokes and stuff are a real life upsetting experience, its the fact that outside the comic, the characters mental health is used a toy to juggle and laugh at when its disorders that large amounts of people deal with. i try and try to see the hilarity in the jokes, but it was barely every funny in the first place.

#tfemsly #transfemsly #sparklecare #sparklecare hospital #sparklecare criticism #sparklecriticism #sparklecare discourse #discourse

[selenealwayscries]

I was struck by a vision just now and I had to draw it

#mcyt #double life #double life smp #double life spoilers #trafficblr #ethoslab #smallishbeans #smalletho #not tagging as ship cuz this isnt even ship #yes im not shipping them yes im doing this to spite mr joel smallishbeans what about it #god its so funny like #THATS the thing that made etho change his skin from the stomach face . obsessed #im literally laughing my ass off rn no joke #he JUST realized how stupid it looks im gonna cry #catgirl supreme

[skitskatdacat63]

Notes:

I think I definitely like the original versions more than the edited ones. I'm more happy with the grumpy Fernando one, whereas the bratty Seb one made me want to cease painting forever. So hopefully he looks good?????? I'm sure I'll soften on it, but yeah, not TOO pleased with it right now. His facial expressions are so cute and dynamic and unique until you have to try and paint it and then you dont love him anymore(kidding ofc, how could I ever hate my beloved boy king 🥺)

Anyways, these are them:

#the caption is a multi-pronged reference so if you get it you get it 🤭 #hint: the quote is both a translation of a vettonso thing but its also not...exact. i added a little spice to it #so yeah translate all of that first(the first part of the quote wont work in google translate tho) #and then also the rest of the caption is both a reference to a real life thing but also me making it AUified !! #hehehe let me know your thoughts 🤭 was so fucking pleased w it when i first told C about it #ngl putting that quote was the main thing pushing me thru finishing the seb one #im like CMON YOU CAN DO IT!! IF YOU FINISH IT YOU CAN PUT YOUR SILLY LATIN JOKE!!! YOU LOVE LATIN!! #anyways i drafted this before i even really started the seb one #and my god LOOK AT THEIR HAND SIZE DIFFERENCE WOOF WOOF WOOF #did you guys notice...seb's ring...his wedding...ring? 🤭🤭🤭 #wanted to add one to nando but his left ring finger isnt really visible but just so you know hes wearing it #I have a lot of thoughrs about rings and ungloved vs gloved hands grrrrrrr #theres a lot of meaning in it to me and it adds to their characterization so ill try and make a post abt thay sometime ! #anyways pls enjoy the fruits of my labor..... #vettonso so good it makes me PAINT TWO PORTRAITS #i think before this au i was kinda trying to get away from painting csuse it stressed me out too much #and then the vettonso brainrot is so horrinle that im willing to paint for like...an undisclosed amnt of time #undisclosed not bcs im being secretive but bcs i have no idea and irs 6 am and i have school JSKFLVL #okay bur yes yes please enjoy. and enjoy my suffering as a purveyor of vettonso 🥹 id do anything for my lieges #f1 #formula 1 #sebastian vettel #fernando alonso #vettonso #catie.art. #boy king au

[risingsunresistance]

worst "april fool's day prank" of my life. they wrote the wrong day on our appointment cards and now we have to reschedule bc neither of us are free on the actual date they put in their system .

#MAN. #AND they're trying to charge my mom an extra $100. she's fighting with them rn :/ #this isnt even a joke my life is Just like this **{^]+]+{**+ #but of course it would happen on april 1st. salt in the wound or whatever #in more fun news today's pokemon go event is great i love you free exp #chat

[b4g3lbit3s]

guys i might have a girlfriend but i cant tell if she’s joking or not when we talk about dating

#WHAT DO I DO #we’ve been best friends for 7 years #we always joke about dating and/or getting married #but romance is so weird for me because im into the idea but its also kind of terrifying #sometimes im into it and sometimes im not so im not even sure id be a good partner #and i dont want to label my love for her as romantic because it is but also isnt #i adore her and she’s a wonderful person and truly just the light of my life #she makes me so stupidly happy all the time and she’s been there for me at my lowest points #BUT I DONT WANT TO LABEL IT AS ROMANTIC BECAUSE THAT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE VOMITING IN THE BAD WAY #and i am NOT hitting her with the “what are we” 😭 #lgbtq #sapphic #lesbian #good golly gosh #im probs somewhere on the aroace spectrum but i truly do not care enough to use labels #im just saying though #i would treat her SO right if we were dating #like a fucking goddess

[gifti3]

Im in such an obey me mood today haha

other than "pls dont tell asmo about that",,,, i have questions about these freaking vegetables (im putting under the cut since im talking about food and bad eating habits/diet related stuff)

im assuming they would have to be mixed with other regular ingredients to prevent the hunger but it sounds like ppl would use them as the main component in a dish or just eat them by themselves

So does all of it get digested? No leftovers (waste) comes out the other end im guessing? is it like a magic type thing?? it has to be right? Cause if not...ur body will take the calories needed to replace the ones burnt, take the nutrients, and the rest will just get tossed out

And since it doesnt make you full, like wouldnt it be way too easy to overeat this type of thing? so you could accidentally end up making urself go to the restroom more often :/

Ig if it gives u the nutrients u need that itll be useful then. So maybe its a 'heres ur macros for the day' type dealo? but u still have to go eat an actual meal or make sure u mix it with other stuff tho

#ik its just a silly joke type text but i do like to take these things and overthink them and apply them to real life #its just interesting to me cause ik the answers will never come so its like a brain exercise or something #eating disorder tw #just to be safe #but yea.................. #im gonna just go off in the tags cause im just wondering about when this would be useful cause regular veggies are the better choice to me #ig that could be useful in a very specific circumstance where you went over calories but still need certain macros..but like...its veggies #going over for some for veggies isnt that big a deal imo but if ur mostly concerned with deficit then ud cut anywhere u can... #u could also like use it to lessen the calories in the dish overall and maybe add more of the ingredients u actually like #tho i feel like it would not remove that many calories in the first place #and ud probably wouldnt even get to add that much more of what u actually want in comparison #and then...ur gonna be hungry cause u took away a big volume of the food which was the regular vegetables #but for me when im making food the last thing im worried about in my dish is the freaking vegetables #im trying to add more veggies and less of everything else ._. #i feel like this would make more sense if it was like a sugary treat #especially if this is supposed to be a thing that helps with cravings #u get to eat and enjoy the thing without consequence (for the most part) while eating a more restrictive diet #tho it would probably be even more dangerous than the veggies when it comes to overeating... #idk how the demon biology works but it seems about the same to humans but just more durable #and with asmos eating habits...i can already see in my minds eye whats gonna go down #it just seems like a bad idea all around to tell him about this! #obey me nightbringer

[mwagneto]

okay google how do i move out of eastern europe but stay in the eu but go somewhere i speak the language but somewhere that has healthcare and somewhere where i dont need to become a construction worker and also somewhere that is not germany. thanks

#i wanna go to aotearoa I've always wanted to but it's so FAR AWAY. also i need somewhere cold also i #love authentic gothic buildings too much to leave europe. but omfggggg #like it's truly so. i dont want to move somewhere where english isnt a main language but the #uk is out and ireland is unlikely and canada is just somewhat nicer french usa and nz is 4 days travel away. blows up #whatever i have 4 semesters of uni left to think about it. it just feels like im #hurtling full speed at the inevitability of living the rest of my life in Germany #i dont want to live in germany idek why but im sooo. like omg nooo 😭😭😭 #partly because it's such a cliché but also coz it's such a vacation country for me like we #went there for vacation like. unironically at least 3 times every single year #insert joke abt *getting back at the 10000000000 german tourists that come to hungary every day* that I'm too sleepy to make #it's so . like i used to have a specific goal in mind (uk ☹️) but then SOMEONE had to go and leave the eu #and also the uk sucks fat shit like csöbörből vödörbe omg. but now i have no #real goal so im just drifting w the vague knowledge that any second now I'll have to pack all my #shit up and escape before it's too late. but where 😀😀😀 #i have no qualms abt leaving my f*mily behind but I'll miss budapest #and if i left Europe I'd miss it too especially coz even canada feels really far let alone nz which yknow. 3-4 days of travel #it's the lack of goals that's killing me like OMFGG HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO WORK HARD AND #STRIVE FOR SMTG WHEN I HAVE NOTHING SPECIFIC IN MIND... #i mean ''get the fuck out'' is something but it's not Enough. i need to be insane about a #place that's accessible. all the cities/locations im crazy about are inaccessible for one reason or another #bristol and wales are in the uk. nz is on the exact opposite side of the planet. life so sad. #canada is the most likely one honestly but like omgggg. godddddjfdnffnfjfmmf #they should invent a budapest that's not in hungary. they should invent a hungary that isn't comically awful #barking #ok to rb #eastern europe #like im fluent in 3 languages and i can get by in like 10 other ones i Could brush up on any language relatively quickly if it came to that #but it's like. 1. I'd have to pick a location 2. learning a new language also means #getting an entire new personality as well which yknow. idk if i have the capacity for another one rn #i should just become fluent in the ones im somewhat good at but idk which to pick

[hella1975]

i hate my town i hate the people in it i hate the shame that consumes us all i hate that every failure might as well be posted in the square because everyone knows everyone i hate that my grandparents are here and i hate that my mother came back for them i hate that the kids are dying and no one cares i hate that every good memory has a bad memory right next door like sam's house around the corner from my childhood home i hate the body they pulled from the river i hate the memory of hearing yellow by coldplay at my cousin's funeral because all i could think was that it was too modern for the situation but then he was only seventeen so it makes sense i hate that i was seventeen too and all the boys i knew were there his friends that were supposed to be the tough guys the scary guys i hate that i pretended not to see them sobbing i hate that everything smells of cigarettes here i hate the politics i hate the people i used to love that dont even smile at me on the street i hate that the girl who called me a slut works at my favourite bar i hate every alley and hidden shortcut and i hate that i know them like the back of my hand i hate the same fucking coffee shops i sat in when i was fourteen and scared and now im nineteen and scared and i hate that it's exactly what this town wants i hate that it wants anger i hate that it wants fear i hate that it wants shame i hate that i can give it everything

#thinking about how the two biggest things in my life rn - writing and my degree - are so punctuated by this fucking town #like my biggest fear with my degree isnt what id think of myself if i dropped out or failed #or even what my family would think bc they're nicer to me than i am #it's genuinely the thought of what my hometown lot would say that keeps me up at night #like the thought of my neighbour who told me id never accomplish anything bc my school was shitter than his fancy one #the thought of having to look him in the eye #or the thought of knowing my friends will tell their mums who are still on the PTA with old teachers who thought i was special #like small towns wrap you in this bubble of smallness and it suffocates you and you're so terrified and ashamed of every little mistake #and then my writing GOD i keep thinking about how tbos is probably the best thing ive ever written #and id publish it id genuinely try and get it published #but im just again so scared and ashamed and embarrassed like how do i explain to these assholes that im writing fantasy #and that's not even counting the gay angle bc that's the biggest part #i just am not brave enough for that yet and yeah maybe it's bc im still young but i shouldnt have to be brave to enjoy things to begin with #failure shouldnt require bravery when it's just a fact of life #and i think about if we'd lived in london like my dad wanted us to or if we'd gone to dublin bc my mum loves dublin #or even if we just hadn't come to this fucking town and we'd lived in ANY FUCKING CITY #my dad jokes about how in london he didn't even know his neighbours names and god i just crave that anonymity so fucking much #it's so frustrating and my mum takes it so personally whenever i say i hate the town and my sister says i'll grow out of it just because #she did but i genuinely dont think i will #and maybe that's the creative in me or the queer in me that she just cant relate to but i have always always hated this place #like a guy i have a VERY complicated history with messaged me the other day and we havent talked in TIME #and it was kinda sweet if not awkward just bc of our aforementioned rocky past but one thing he mentioned when i said i was at uni #was that he said really genuinely 'im so happy to hear that; i know you always wanted to get out of [town name]' #like he still remembers that about me even though weve been friends since we were 12 and i havent spoken to him since i was?? 17?? #UGH i just hate it here and it's the fact that i'll never escape it either bc i cant totally abandon ship without also #abandoning my family and i refuse to do that and they refuse to leave so now im just stuck with all these CONNECTIONS #sorry to vent lol #ig this could be a poetry thing? we'll say it is instead of me just having another meltdown LMAO #hella goes home

[girl-bateman]

Gaslighting, my old friend, I'll fall for you every single time <3

#i have known my dad is an alcoholic since i was literally 4 and my mom told me thats the reason she divorced him #ive been to COA support group twice in my life. i have the horrible personal anecdotes. i have the constant anxiety. #and still !!! with the right amount of ridicule in the right setting ill question everything #a spiral of misery and self doubt and paranoia etc etc #for context: im on a vacay with my dad and sis and his childhood friends #and i published a short nonfiction story where i talk about how isolating it can be when your parent is an addict #and EVERYONE is making constant jokes in reference to this text like 'ohhh like the alcoholic i am *wink wink* im gonna have another beer' #several times a day. and ive just not been saying anything abt it bc i feel guilty abt 'exposing' my dad even tho isnt not even a secret #but seeing as my sister is never on my side abt this and that his friends are obviously on his side i feel like the loneliness girl on earth #and tbh there rly isnt any sides to this bc addiction is just a horrible fucking disease for everyone involved #but he makes it into this awful game where i always come out the loser bc im just a kid and i cant make anyone believe me #im not a kid. obviously. but thats what this feels like. like im the little kid with silly stories no one believes #and the worst part is i wrote the text trying to reclaim what has been a lifetime of centering HIM and his addiction into everything i do #trying to protect him and his dignity #and this was my trying to reclaim my life and talk about how IM affected for once #but once again he ends up being the centre of conversation of my text. which. btw is about a lot more than my dad

[caffeinatedopossum]

I just want to be able to indulge in my disorder without losing my ability to draw often and hyperfixate and hold a conversation and physically digest food without nausea and pain

#maybe i just want to get better but i dont know how #its so so hard. i cant even put it into words #i dont want to live like this. its like my only 2 options are relapse and maybe feel happy sometimes #or keep pushing for recovery but hate myself and my life and everything i make and every waking moment #and every bite of food that im just a little too aware of sitting in my stomach as i wait for something to get better #but it doesn't. i can draw and talk to people ig but its not good enough. my life is still being controlled by this shit #i wish i never tried to recover sometimes... just to keep up the illusion that things could get better if i chose to make them that way #what a joke. i was never in control of my life. if it isnt my ed its my DID or my anxiety or my phobias or ptsd or my insomnia #or my dysphoria or my autism or my disabilities #im so tired. i cant do anymore but i cant do nothing. i just want some decisiveness for once

[devilfruitdyke]

spiraling is so wild first im pissed that my drawing didnt look good now i dont think ill ever forgive my family for their treatment of me

#im sick of being babied because theres a man whos taller than me 🙂 #'ooohfhgf yr so little im sorry about how you dont know anything 🥺🥺' #< talking to a 5'7 person who swims at least twice a week has a 3.97 gpa and calls my grandparents more than my parents do #if i try to make jokes to not just fucking PISS EVERYONE OFF they think ohh so silly woman. never had an opinion 🙂 #nothing i say is ever serious dont even FUCKING worry 👍👍 #its fucking pathetic. at my brothers age i was like i can relate to this scary character haha #cue my mother swooping in to be like noo this isnt you #AND HE FUCKING SENDS SOMEBODY TO THE HOSPITAL IN HOCKEY. BUT ITS FINE BECAUSE HE PLAYS BETTER HOCKEY THAN ME #all you have to do here is be strong. physically not mentally because knowing you have undiagnosed adhd for #a literal third of yr life doesnt count. BUT if yr shoulders are too big for the prom dress that they think you want to wear its also over #and my brother is so butthurt from also growing up in this wack ass situation that he wont let me have ANYTHING. #sorry that you dont think i can read a map or whatever the fuck #sorry that you THINK you make more money than me at yr silly sports job #WHEN IM TRAINED TO HOLD 150 POUNDS TREADING WATER. sorry i got illegally scheduled and it gave me heat cramps #silly me.

[martyrbat]

playing an ongoing game called ‘learn whats acceptable to say in someones tags or get blocked’. a lot of you are losing.

#i know i can be cringe or annoying but like. theres a difference between joking on something vs fucking insulting someone you dont know #is this person talking about something they enjoy that you dont? filter the tag and post content and go on with your day #if theyre too annoying then just unfollow for a bit and check back later even #is this person a fan of a character you hate?? put it on your own post instead of coming onto someones account to bitch in their tags #you are literally insulting a real life person over a fictional character. over a show. over a comic. what is wrong with you. #unless the thing they like is actively rooted in real life hate (racism sexism misogyny ableism transphobia etc) that will reflect #and cause real life harm then it literally doesn't fucking matter if you disagree with someone. #youre not making me want to read and consider your opinion about something i literally consume for fun and because haha autism s/i #by calling me an idiot or by saying how i (a disabled person) am ‘braindead’ because i have a different opinion or whatever. #youre just being mean because you feel like you have an excuse to pretend youre superior to someone #like idk how to break it to you but dick grayson isnt going to suck your dick despite you insulting a real person over him lmao. #anyways. im going to block you if you insult me. im going to block you if you see my post on something i like thats harmless and tell me #how much you personally hate it or disagree. i dont care. make your own post because now you cant make it on mine. #and my anon is temporarily off (sorry shy mutuals </3) because a lot of ppl dont have common decency on what's okay to say or demand lol

[gibbearish]

i know it was a joke that is sort of understandable in context so im not gonna say anything on the post itself. but boy seeing someone say "i'm also down with murdering a few actors if it leads to better movies" REALLY rubs me the wrong way

#like the context was op said 'if the gore is cgi whats the point' and someone replied 'do you expect them to just maim the actors' #then 'ohh i forgot about practical effects' #and its like. i get the joke. i get how you got to that joke. i get you didnt mean anything by it. #but 'so what if actors die as long as the movie's good' isnt uh. exactly a hypothetical is it? #like. isnt workplafe safety for actors like a huge fucking issue #both with set stuff and just. How They Treat Their Workers #like. even on safe sets dont actors srill get worked to the bone to the point theyre way more likely to like. get deathly sick or #be distracted while driving or turn to addiction #or even more outright things like. i cant remember who it was but that girl who that one director Deeply traumatized over and over again #because he wanted her reaction to truly be real? #and thats not even touching the entire world of stunt doubles #like. the movie industry seeing actors as disposable fodder as long as the movie is good is. real life. #so even knowing they probably werent trying to make light of that because like. the wording of its the same but with theirs the context #does have a /slightly/ different meaning #where the punchline is saying 'nah lets actually do (wild thing)' because taking a misunderstanding seriously can be funny #but in this case (wild thing) is actually (extremely common and fucked up thing) so its just. really not good imo #idk it just made me really uncomfortable and i needed to get it out of my system

[todayisafridaynight]

still thinking about how my friend said my dad looked like a yakuza last night like 😭😭 ??

#snap chats #i was showing her a pic i took of him when i saw him last month and she was just like #'oh he looks like a yakuza guy' HUH ??? like he is as tall as a typical rgg chara and ik i joke bout my dad lookin like daigo-- #NO BUT THEN I SHOW HER A PIC /OF/ DAIGO AND SHES LIKE 'i dont see it' ?????????? LIKE SURE MY DADS BALD BUT #THAT THE CLOSEST COMPARISON you mkae no sense girl #its so funny she thinks my life revolves around yakuza And It Does but its so funny when she tries to equate stuff to it #like that event i went to last night was an ornament painting one and she was like #'oh why dont you make a yakuza ornament :) like uhhh arakawa and uhhhh that other guy' #FIRST OFF SHE STILL DOESNT REMEMBER SAWASHRIOVELKRVEJ BUT ALSO WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN #i mean lowkey in retrospect i could have made an arakawa family ornament but not the point #the point is my life isnt JUST YAKUZA KAYLA SHUT UP ????? LOL #i appreciate it tho. shes trying. /would be great if we finished y7 one day/ #on that note. can i share the absolute joy i felt last night #like i said her favorite streamer's name is joe but we were hanging with a friend who didnt know about This Joe Guy #and so when my friend started talking about him the other friend was earnestly just 'who's joe' #and i have never felt such joy in saying 'joe mama' I HAD BEEN WAITING MY ENTIRE LIFE FOR THAT MOMENT #ITS LIKE WHEN I GOT UPDOG TO WORK ON MY OLD FRIEND LIKE PLEAAASE I DONT CARE IF ITS A DUMB JOKE #IM DUMB AND I LOVE DUMB JOKES i was so happy. the purest joy i felt ever #ok bye i guess i should get ready for class

[andragoras-in-vanity]

i really just wanna meet my soulmate so i can suck a dick with so much love

#im not even joking #i could get any man i want off of tinder but i am disgusted at the thought of gagging on anyones cock who isnt my person #legit feel like i dying today #i would kill a man to get lovingly fucked my the right person #theyd be all i ever need and more and id mever have to correct their behaviour or hope they get more mature #wed be in love and able to do fun things and also get fucked up and stay in bed all day #i just want to spend my life with someone im so sick of being alone and sore and sick and trapped and the weather is nice and green #and its not fair being so touchstarved and not knowing what its like to be loved even after 26 years #its not fair and i dint know what to do

[bulletsfrank]

i just burst into tears reading a totally normal post of one of my moots having a good time with their friends and literally Just Living Life because i want to have that so badly. i am so fucking unfulfilled, alone, miserable... and it feels even worse because im doing it to myself

#i hate how whiny this is . my god. i know its not that serious and the post isnt the issue at all... its me. i get this ache in my chest #when i see people thriving socially #like im locked in a cage and all ive been able to do is watch everyone live their lives #having friends and family and spending happy time with them #i just watch and wish i could ever have that. my only friend group all secretly talked bad about me for years #and ghosting them hurts so badly not bc i want to be close to them but because no i have No One #which is somehow worse than being the butt end of every joke and being shamed all the time.. well it feels like it #and itd be as easy as making friends but i cant even fucking reply to my mutuals tweets or posts without panicking #whenevr i stick my arm out it gets bitten #so im living a life of nothing. completely void and lonely and horrible. because i can't. i cant. i cant #i love avoidant personality disorder! #i just wish i could ask everyone why they hate me and have an actual answer